#sorry just feeling kinda shitty so im venting

[farmersliga]

:)

sometimes i wish i never became either a bayern fan or a dortmund fan. bc like,,, for the most part being a fan of them Both is the shittiest part of my tumblr life

idk i just. dont deal with conflict well. and ive always responded rly horribly to ppl (validly) criticizing things i like. and the way ppl talk abt the rival team sometimes gets too much for me i guess

and i know that i signed up for this by liking them both and actively following ppl who post abt their faves but. i cant rly help how sensitive i am to this kinda thing, in the same way that ofc these ppl cant help their own opinions and are absolutely entitled to post abt those on their own blogs. AND I DONT BLAME THEM OFC!!!! like. this is rly just a me problem

but yeah i dunno i just hate seeing the negativity from both sides. to the point that it makes me wish i could go back in time and just fucking pick one to stan and full on hate the other. but in that case, i cant even pick one to keep????? because bvb is my first club and if it were about club loyalty then i’ll always love them first, but bayern gave me some of my best friends here and i wouldnt trade that for anything. like i think technically the best thing for my mental health would just be to unfollow all the people whose posts make me uncomf but i like those people!!! in every other context theyre my mutuals n friends n just rly great people!!!!!!! and i respect that they have loyalties different than mine. and god i think im just a mess lmao

so yeah idk i know this is totally my fault but well. just sucks i guess when half my dash is talking shit and the other half is getting super offended about it and i dont even know what to think anymore. ugh. realtalk btw that bvb vs bayern is my least favorite fixture of the season for this exact reason lol i try to avoid tumblr during n directly after that

honestly like i always try to tell myself to just ignore the hate except. i cant. these things sit and stew in my brain forever. im the type of person who cant read goodreads reviews bc if i see a negative one for a book i liked, i end up feeling horrible

ah well. im just. gonna go sleep now cause its past 3 am anyway. my chest kinda hurts still but i feel less like crying after spilling all that lol im a fucking weirdo. anyway disclaimer i mean no offense here n i rly dont want you guys feeling bad bc of this, i just had to get it off my mind

[zenithpng]

..

[garfield-milk]

if i see one more straight woman writing only mlm romances im going to set myself on fire

[declawedwildcat]

.

[jetstargenderfuckery]

.

[savventeen]

hmm savv what would u do with mutual pining and woozi? :3c

daisy,,, beloved,,,,,,,,,, how dare you make me think about mutual pining w/ woozi ( /hj ) (i am already pining for him and thinking abt MUTUAL pining is going to drive me actually insane methinks g o d sdkjflskjdf)

ok so. SO. after vibrating in my seat and fantasizing abt lying down in the middle of the floor for the rest of time as i think about this concept, i have come to the following conclusion: mixtapes. and i mean in the classic "hey i made you this mixtape" sense

reader and jihoon are both producers for the same label and don't really interact that much at first. in fact, they don't actually even meet for the first time until soonyoung invites them both to his birthday party and they start talking shop, bonding over teasing soonyoung, and then ending the night with a promise to grab lunch together sometime.

fast forward a couple of months and they are officially Friends. they've managed to start a tradition of getting lunch together once a week and bitching about various work bullshit, and they've also started to hang out together in group settings after realizing they have more mutual friends as well

reader is the first one to send jihoon a song. it's a few hours after their weekly vent session, jihoon having taken up most of the time complaining about shitty higher-ups giving ridiculous deadlines and stuck-up idol wannabes trying to tell him how to do his job without having a clue about what his job actually is, and he gets a message from reader that says "i feel like this fits ur current mood" with a link to a song. [cw the song linked has a somewhat startling gun sound] he clicks on the link, curious, and then bursts out laughing after a few confused moments of listening bc that was NOT what he was expecting, at all

and that's how it starts, really. a few days later, he sends reader a song with the caption "how much u wanna bet soonyoung would choreograph something to this just bc it has the word 'tiger' in the title" / "no bet he absolutely would" / "ur no fun :P" / "sorry can't hear you i'm sending it to soonyoung as we speak"

pretty soon they're sending songs back and forth almost daily "what are ur thoughts on this" / "?? i don't speak french" / "and?" / "...ok yeah this is p good" "is this kinda close to the vibe you're trying to get for that one group you're working with?" / "not quite. but that's ok bc IM Vibin with this one" "i need u to stop whatever ur doing and listen to this with the bassist bass you can get with w/ ur setup" / "ok??" ... "holy shit" / "RIGHT?"

fast forward another couple of months, and reader shows up to jihoon's studio with a can of coke zero and a flash drive. "what's this?" / "this, my dear woozi-ssi, is going to be the solution to our creative blocks" and then reader goes on to explain their idea: they both have tracks that they're stuck on (personal, professional, or otherwise), and so they're gonna 'sisterhood of the traveling pants this shit' ('i literally have no idea what you're talking about'). aka: reader put some files they're having trouble with on this flash drive, and jihoon's gonna add any notes/ideas he has and then give it back with some of his own trouble files on it. rinse and repeat

and not only does it work ("ohmygod i've been trying to figure out that bridge transition for DAYS THANK YOU") but it also becomes Their Thing. like, they're used to collaborating with other writers/producers/etc bc it comes with the job, but something about this silly little flash drive... feels Special. [*cough*it's because they're catching Feelings*cough*]

tHIS IS GETTING SO LONG FUCK OKAY other things i would include in this fic: - one noticing the other has been working on a lot more love songs lately (or maybe a lot more Sad (read: pining) love songs) - reader has a bad day at some point and they end up losing the flash drive and they have a breakdown over it (jihoon comforts them and also helps them find it we love emotional hurt/comfort in this household) - scenes where they're individually waxing poetic about the other to different friends and the friends are like "bro. ur in love with them" "uh, no? they just have a great work ethic and a great taste in music also their lyricism is just—" "you. are. in. love." "i admire them professionally!

AND THEN THE CONCLUSION!! one of them decides to bite the metaphorical bullet and confess their Feelings. this could be either of them, but i'm gonna go with jihoon bc i can. so of course he can't just say "hey i love you" like a normal person, he has to confess through music. so he goes out and buys a new flash drive (with a really cute cover bc he knows they'd like it) and puts two folders on there. the first folder is full of instrumental files and is titled "all the times i couldn't find the words". and the second folder is titled "and all the times i could" and it's all love songs he's written inspired by/for reader

he sneaks into their studio and leaves the flash drive on your desk while you're in a meeting, and then he Waits and waits and waits some more until it's time to go home and it's been total radio silence and his heart feels like it's been crushed. so he starts to head home in the rain (bc i am a cheesy bastard and love rainy confession scenes) but after a few minutes of walking he hears shouting behind him and he turns to see you sprinting at him while screaming his name and before he can get a word out you're clutching his shoulders, soaked to the bone and asking "do you mean it? the songs, did— do you really mean it?"

and all he can do is nod because his heart still hasn't quite found its way back to his chest yet, and then he can't nod anymore because you're kissing him. you're kissing him, and he drops the umbrella he was holding and you're both kissing in the rain bc you're both obnoxious helpless romantics and "y/n-ah, i mean it— i mean it. i love you"

"i love you too, you stupid romantic bastard oh my god"

"hey, you're the one who started kissing me in the rain"

and it ends like the cheesy romcom this turned into bc i couldn't help myself and i need to lie down in a puddle of feelings now k thx

[send me a person and a trope/au and i'll tell you what kind of plot i'd write for them]

[wooahaes]

hii this is maybe a little random but i'm having a bit of a rough night and it got me wondering if you have any favorite comfort fics among the ones you have written (or read, for that matter, i'm just a sucker for your writing)

hi anon im really sorry this is late and i hope your night got a little bit better :( but i'll still throw some recs out!!

very very long, but [under the sun] itself always gives me comfort? something about the world just feels very cozy and i've heard from other people they consider it a comfort fic. i don't think you Have to read the initial parts to understand the individual parts (it gives world-building + reader gets dubbed 'mouse' there as a nickname that pops up throughout individual fics), but i personally think seokmin, jun and joshua have some of the more softer parts personally? jun's does have to deal with reader getting injured, so heads up for that.

i wrote the hyung line [comforting reader when they're upset] earlier this year. its very short and sweet, but it fits what you're looking for.

most recently, i had a maknae line fic [to be together (even when it's hard)] since i was going through a bad bout of depression and wanted the comfort.

there's also a full group drabbles post of comforting them which is kinda in the same vein, but its just a lot of [holding them].

this ones admittedly not very inclusive but on the off chance its what ur dealing with, i wrote a vernon fic while i was dealing with some accidental biphobia from a friend. everythings all good now, but i needed the comfort, so i expanded on a nonranghaes drabble i wrote and made it into [of your choosing].

[taste of love] isnt explicitly a comfort fic but its very comforting imo? its longer, but its a sweet jun fic that focuses on the connection that food can bring to people <3

[to heal together] is a jeonghan fic where its kinda mutual comfort

[to weather together] is another short fic for jun that involves comfort and cuddling and him supporting reader as they cry :0

[call on me] is a dino fic where he comforts fem!reader after her family forgets about the promise they made her

[i need an angel's hand] is a more personal comfort fic where cheol comforts fem!reader while she's dealing w fears of abandonment n so forth. its personal, but its out there for anyone who relates and needs it

for nonranthaes stuff: personal but cheol being there for reader when they decide to drop out of grad school

wonwoo comforting reader who is a victim of sexual assault

joshua holding reader as they cry

married fic of reader comforting cheol over weight gain that he's a little self conscious of

personal but vernon comforting reader who has an abusive parent

vernon fic where readers happy to have a loving relationship after having shitty ones in the past

jihoon listening to reader vent and being there for them

jun comforting reader after he finds them upset

lovey dovey soonyoung being patient and kind

in the same vein as the svt maknae line fic, there's a short 3racha fic [a little less daunting] that's also comfort.

there's a poly minsung fic [reassurance] that deals with reader getting comforted while they're dealing with some stress from work that impacts them in other places in their life.

this has a fem!reader since its from my bday fics this year, but [i'm just lonely, someone reach out and hold me] is a jisung fic where reader gets comforted after other ppl forgot her bday.

i feel like i have way more comfort on nonranghaes so:

platonic chris fic where he holds reader and comforts them

platonic chris fic where reader feels like they're 'behind' on life things

short felix fic where he's ready to comfort reader

lee know comforting reader during an anxiety attack

jisung comforting reader after someone accidentally made a comment that really hurt them at a party

lee know comforting reader while they have a bad headache

unfortunately i dont really have anything for trsr/golcha or mark lee (i havent written anything else for nct yet unfortunately skdfhsf so its just. mark.)

fic recs!!! for stuff from the same author i'll @ them once and do a little ^^ to mean its from the same writer <3

@jinkoh reader drops an egg and vernon comforts them. very cute, can confirm <3

^^ ex-boyfie wonwoo helping reader who is going through panic attack bc mans would come running i just KNOW it. very soft and sweet <3

@hoshologies's woozi fic w reader dealing with mental health problems and jihoon helping/comforting them. very very tender <3

my beloved livvie @husbandhannie's jeonghan fic where reader is in a toxic work environment

my beloved savv @savventeen's cheol drabble about reader feeling safe w cheol

i truly need to read a lot more tbf but all of these come from my recs tag!! most of what i read is pure fluff imo but these are the more comforty ones <3

i hope this helps!! sorry again for getting to this late anon :( <3 my sleep schedule is thrown out of wack bc of thanksgiving unfortunately...

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

Queer platonic breakups hurt so bad. I’m going to tell my partner tomorrow that I don’t want to be in a qpr anymore. I feel like the whole time we’ve been in a qpr (6 months) we have been on different pages. I feel so unloved and used and gross :(

Sorry for the vent, hope you’re doin well

ugh i understand. a little vent of my own below the cut

a little while ago my friend started making it seem like they wanted a qpr with me but they didn't know the vocabulary

they'd say things like "i wish we could get married but in like... a platonic way?" and i'd be like "that's a thing people do! you might be experiencing qp attraction and im so down w that" and they were kinda just like "ok cool" and nothing came of it

then a couple weeks later it turns out they just had a crush on me. and they'd known for a few months.

they also recently have been saying things like "remember when we were in a qpr? we should go back to that" even though we were never in a qpr, i don't feel like that about them anymore, and they definitely don't feel that way about me. it kind of pisses me off that they just assumed we were in a qpr without talking about it at all

it was a ton of really shitty communication and what feels kind of manipulative but was unintentional and it was just really bad. i really relate to what you said about feeling used and gross, i feel like they never understood my feelings and just took it as "they like me more than other people and will feel that way forever"

anyways i'm not really friends with them anymore and it's working out okay, im completely fine now that im out of that weird relationship but i still get mad about it sometimes

[iamunabletothinkofablogname]

hey bro, um, ik im not usually like, the type to be sad about things (execpt for Adam's death, its too obvious xd), but uh, i kinda need a hug rn

eve if my gut saved me from latern by unfollowing them and blocking then a few days before, i still feel like it's kinda mt fault for letting myself to be this stupid (they werw a moot at the time, so i literally trusted them)

so ye, i just feel shitty (sorry for being a bit dramatic tho, im just disappointed and my gut is assuring me that it's not my fault ;-;)

you're not being dramatic, it's a normal way to feel after litterally being tricked and betrayed, you're not stupid, so many people were tricked aswell, myself included

i'm sorry for answerin this late but i hope you feel better, if you need to vent anymore, feel free to /gen it's not your fault, please don't worry about that, if you blame yourself your also blaming the multiple others who have been tricked, don't be so hard on yourself please

[bonesandthebees]

i dont know if you’re the right person to vent to but i will anyway. respond or don’t, ig, this is about wilbur

you are genuinely one of my favorite fic writers of all time, and what drew me in was my (ongoing) obsession with crimeboys. i dont follow dsmp, i stopped somewhere in the middle of egg i think, but ive always been obsessed with crimeboys fics.

in all of them wilbur is one of my favorite characters, he’s unhinged as fuck but also protective and kind. it’s hard to know that wilbur was a shitty person but i don’t want to brush that off. im going to keep recognizing it, but it’s still so hard.

i loved wilbur’s character in dsmp canon and i loved his online persona, and i kinda vibed with how actually mentally insane he acts sometimes. that led to him hurting others, and so i can’t feel like it was a totally good thing, but i can’t stop loving the character.

if you have criticisms or reasoning im okay to hear that, but i already know that wilbur did shitty things.

- 🕸 (idk what people have used to sign their anons to you, i haven’t talked to you before in case someone else has already used spiderweb)

hey sorry for the late reply to this, I really haven't had the energy to talk much about this whole mess these past few days. I think I've kind of just hit my limit on stuff

(that's not to say you're at fault for sending this ofc not, I really do want my askbox to feel like a safe place for you guys to put your thoughts and feelings about this whole mess. just know sometimes I might not ending up responding if I don't feel up to it)

I think it's perfectly okay to continue enjoying his dsmp character. I mean, hell, I'm most likely going to continue writing my ongoing fic about his character because that's who it's about—the character. just make sure to recognize that the creator himself is a horrible person and stop giving him any kind of platform.

his online persona was exactly that—a persona. it was designed for entertainment. it was carefully crafted to garner him the audience he wanted. the persona was meant to be likeable so you don't have to feel guilty for having enjoyed the content from that persona in the past. it's just that it was never a representation of who he actually was.

(also technically someone has used that emoji before but I referred to them as cobweb anon, and they haven't popped up here since august so I'll just call you spiderweb anon)

[mattraeax]

Stitched

Zoro x Reader [1/?]

WC - 1164

Warnings ↔ mentions abuse (work + additional notes), alcohol (work + additional notes), zoro kinda really sucks ass in this, OOC Luffy (? idk he's serious so to me that counts)

Notes ↔ i debated making this third or first pov but I said fuck it and did second bc it irritates my friend so badly AND bc it helps feedback putting yourself in a situation, excuse the shittiness of it im so out of touch w/ writing anything not genuinely disturbing LMFAO; additional notes/vent at the end I REALLY really need some advice 😭

IF YOU SEE THEY/THEIR WHERE YOU/YOUR IS SUPPOSED TO BE NO YOU DON'T 😁

story under "keep reading as to not clog/give you carpal tunnel <3

It was a cool night out in the Alabasta desert and Ace decided to make up games around the campfire to ease tensions about the war. Everyone was sitting around talking and enjoying themselves, occasionally breaking the peace was Ussop yelling at Luffy to "leave the fire to the fire man please" when he started to “cook his food over here so you all won't take it”. 

You were enjoying the chaos, speaking with Nami when they felt a hand on their shoulder. "hey I need to talk to you" Zoro said, practically dragging you behind a pair of boulders some ways away from, the crew. "Why don't you treat me like a priority?" Before you could even look up at the man, he began rapid-firing questions like an interrogation. The two of you had been together for what seemed like forever and he felt you didn't value them. "Why don't you talk to me as much as you talk to Nami or Ace or Ussop? How come you don't ask personal questions about me?" he continued on and on, pouring his heart out. You grabbed Zoro’s hand, leading him to sit on smaller rocks. 

"Zoro are you drunk? What's going on?" you asked, but you already knew. Zoro wasn’t a man of face to face confrontation if it didn’t involve violence unless he was at least buzzed. He knew you were concerned and somewhat appreciated it, but he was upset. He continued to stare, waiting for a response. You looked him in the eyes and squeezed his hands gently. "Zoro. My love, I am sincerely sorry I treat you the way I do to where you don't feel like a priority in my life. As you know I’m sick and am almost always asleep or on the verge of it, and barely have the energy to get out of bed, let alone come to find and spend time with you but that’s no excuse. You are truly the most important person in my life and I'm sorry I'm not making you feel as special to me as I know you are.” You sighed, leaning their elbows on their knees, and spoke as softly as possible to avoid further emotional strain. “I don't ask you questions because you tell me everything before I can even think of what to ask. I told you how I feel about you drinking so much. I know you have a lot going on in your head but I’d rather you just talk to me. I hate it when you drink so much Zoro." 

He squinted, seemingly trying to make sense of your words. “Y/N I get you're tired all the time but that's no excuse. I always still find time for you when I'm busy and I can't figure out why you won't do the same. I’m not saying all of this to make you feel bad but it's been for months now. I feel like I'm a side piece to you. I don't feel like this relationship is working, sometimes it feels like its all one sided because we barely interact. The way you treat me makes me feel abused by you. Emotionally physically and mentally I am being abused by you and your actions I feel like you just don't care.” Zoro continued on and on, repeating everything in different ways. You, however, were stunned. The love of your life has lost his mind. You blinked once, twice, and stood up. “Zoro. Im going to bed. Please keep your distance from me I need to think some things over.” At the mention of space, he stood up and raised his voice just enough to draw the crew's attention. “You will stay here while we finish our conversation Y/N L/N.” 

You turned around in shock at being shouted at, trying to calm yourself before making this any more painful. “Roronoa Zoro, it’s not much of a conversation when all you do is drone on and interrupt me when I answer whatever question you've asked for the nth time in a row. I hate when you don't listen yet demand I change my actions. It’s not my fault you choose to ignore me when I try to speak to you or go to bed not 10 minutes into our alone time everytime. I tell you every time when I don’t feel well enough to hold a regular conversation or when I’m exhausted beyond belief but you’re so dense you think I’m lying. You can’t figure out why I don’t communicate before you only think of yourself Zoro! You do not dictate what I do or when I speak with you. Leave me alone for now Zoro.” Everyone could have sworn the desert had never been quieter. Y/N was high on adrenaline, remembering why you loathe alcohol. In a heartbeat, Zoro was in their face, bent down at eye level. “You need to do better Y/N. I lov- well maybe not that word, that's too strong but I do like you a lot. I want to make this work with you. Get it together.” he gritted through his teeth. That was your last straw. Eerily calm, you backed up, muttered a very soft “okay” and walked back to the temporary base. Everyone looked extremely uncomfortable and sympathetic for them, as they had nosely listened to  overheard everything. You picked up your sleeping bag and a spare piece of wood, walking up to Ace. “Hey I'm sorry to bother you but can you light this? Don't wanna ruin your lovely blaze here.” you weakly chuckled, gesturing to the fire.

 He nodded, trying to make eye contact but failing as they looked away quickly. As they walked away from the group, Luffy approached them, slightly startling you. “Sorry didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay? Do you need anything?” he asked rather seriously, a rare but much-appreciated sight for them. You turned to your captain and the crew. “Please keep your swordsman away from me for a while. I may actually end up killing him if he’s anywhere around me.” Your tone set everyone on edge. Seeing everyone nod and affirm the favor, you slouched, finally relieved to be away from him. Between the flashbacks and the headrush of shouting, you finally felt safe. You felt your body grow weak and hit the sand. Luffy reached out to you but he was waved off. “I’m alright Luffy. Goodnight everyone, I'll be 56 paces this way when yall are ready to get going in the morning.” pointing over your shoulder, diagonal to where your “conversation” with Zoro took place for as much distance as possible. As you walked and set up for the night you couldn’t help but cry, remembering that any and every time alcohol was involved it was a disappointment. You wondered if you were the catalyst for everyone’s drinking habits as you finally got to sleep, absolutely dreading the morning.

↪

BASED ON A TRUE STORY (◎﹏◎) oh my god my partner (idek what to call him now I ain't spoke to him in bout a week n a half dog) called me drunk and called me all types of manipulative n abusive for not communicating enough (im chronically ill and the heat is NOT helping, he knows this) and called our relationship a situationship so that's always wonderful to hear. every line from zoro is either exactly or summed up what this mf said to me and oh my god I really just don't know what to do, I'm not sure if i wanna make it work or not

close friend said its manipulative as fuck n i need to get out bc every fight we've been in has been bc he forgot I said/told him something and he flipped it to me not communicating, I can see it but FUCK why is leaving so hard

[beesfairlyland]

hi bee, i'm sorry for the vent, but i just really need to get this out. i've been into concepts since like... 2016 i think? first loattraction, then loassumption, and now non dualism. i used all of these to "get something" yes, even nd. sure, when i learned about nd i let go of desiring, but in the end i still do "want" to have "my" desired life as a human/"ego". i've been doing everything i read for nd, letting go of all labels, thoughts, etc. and it's been going well, but recently i've started worrying again. everything i did when i was still into both loa's changed absolutely nothing/didn't work for me (i've never "manifested" anything in these almost 8 years), so i'm worried about being stuck as a this human that i do not want to be at all forever. i'm worried about not stripping labels and letting go "good enough" and i'm worried that everyone on here is just feeding me lies about this freedom and liberation. do you have any advice for this? i'm just so desperate to stop identifying with the ego (and an ego i don't like being at that)

Heya hun!💗

It's okayy don't be sorry....i understand sometimes it get's soo frustrating that we need to take it out. I feel you I've been here too before.

Take a deep breathe and calm down. Ik it sucks being stuck in a loop of trying and trying again, in a loop of desiring. But baby you have to understand that Non dualism is not a method, ik you know this too. And uk it's okay if you wanna have your desires (more of beautiful experiences) , may be it's just you are not ready yet to KNOW yourSELF and that's totally fine. There's nothing to hurry about, nowhere to reach. Have some rest. Don't beat yourself up. Okay?

First things first i want you to KNOW that the experiences that you wanna have are nothing special. They are YOU. And Everything that this ego can think of it is already here. It's your choice what you wanna experience.

Rn you are aware of desiring things, from lack. Im not asking you to do nothing, ik it's just gonna make you anxious. Just bare with me hear me out (it's gonna go out of nd perspective). I want you to drop the idea of getting something. If you want to, first feel every shitty emotion you want to. Cry it out. Let it all out. If you wanna cry for whole day, go ahead. But after that, you won't go back to being aware of those feelings. Ofc you'll have thoughts but just don't entertain them. Not yours so they can get lost. Don't give feeling to that thought. And no you don't have to act like you have what you wanna experience, you have to KNOW that this dream gonna change for good. And that's inevitable. I want you to tap into your non dual state aka void state. But this time you are not putting it on a pedestal. I suggest you to read my post and Know what *void* actually is:

And if you don't wanna meditate....you can try lucid dreaming. And it can be beneficial to make you understand that you are not this mind-body. I lucid dream and it's soo fun. Go ahead and give it a try. Just KNOW that you can do it.

Remember it's all gonna be alright. It's destined. you came across all this knowledge for a reason.

Ik i am a non dualism blogger soo i should just stick to that. But ik where you coming from and me giving you more pointers, asking you to go within won't do any good to you. And im here to help you guys. Giving you some motivation about not giving up wouldn't do any good to you atleast in this situation.

Hope i could help you a lil bit! If you wanna ask something else feel free to send in an ask!

-love, bee🐝💗

[sophisticatedheart]

Hiya. I read your latest post. I'm SO sorry you are going through that. Jobs with rude coworkers or customers are the worst, especially if it's something that happens often, which I assume is the case since you said you've wanted to quit over things like this before. My summer internship SUCKED, I liked like three times a week, you've been working for a while now, you're god's strongest soldier to me, I truly admire you for that.

I'm also extremely sorry you're having suicidal thoughts, depression is a bitch and especially bad times where you think abt it extra often happen...shitty stuff at work doesn't help at all

But I assure you you're NOT worthless or bad at everything. I know I don't know you much, but you strike me as a smart person. And for what it's worth I LOVE your art! And you haven't shown me your writing yet but I love your worldbuilding so I'm sure it's great!

I'm sorry you feel like you can't talk to anyone...idk if you are able to get it atm but while it's not a miracle cure that will make everything better like some ppl think it is, therapy does help me a ton, since I can vent abt anything and my current therapist has given me tons of tips on how to deal with things

And while im not a professional, im always here if you need to vent or talk!

It's ok, I've been working since I was 16 and this job I have rn has the scariest customers out of all of them.... like there is a pro that I work with a friend I've known for a while but it's just so scary, but like idk what else I would do bc I dropped out of college and I don't want to work food service again. So idk

I've tried therapy a couple times but I'm kinda distrustful and I really hate to talk abt my problems out loud, plus I'm bad at wording things so they've never understood what I meant and have all just been shitty and useless in general. And I can't talk to my mom bc she already adds a bunch of stress by constantly telling me I need to figure out what I'm gonna do with my life... so it just sucks all around

But thank you, I really appreciate this, I just have negative self esteem so </3 but it means a lot that you reached out to me <3

[ghostiewriter]

Hi ghostie this is kinda out of nowhere but I’ve been wanting to ask you a question. So idk if I’m totally tripping or if I saw that you don’t really like Elain in acotar and I just wanna know the reasoning behind it.

I feel like I see so much hate on her character (I absolutely think she and nesta were shitty for the way they treated feyre throughout their whole childhood I’m not excusing that) and I might be completely wrong but I feel like so many people hate her because she’s not like nesta and feyre where they’re literal warriors and are strong hearted and brave. And before anyone attacks me I love all three sisters (nesta a little less because man she could be a fucking bitch to everyone for the stupidest shit a lot which had to do with depression and low self worth but sometimes it was just uncalled for but I’m hoping she’ll be better in the future books).

I’m a middle child and have a younger and older sister and it’s kinda crazy because I can see our personalities match the archeron sisters although the book personalities are more exaggerated my older sister is not that bad trust me, but I definitely see their bravery and strong hearts and stubbornness and can see them as warriors even if none of us can fight for shit lol. I genuinely feel like I relate more to elain with her kindness and compassions being the leading traits she has (I don’t do plants I love painting though anything artsy is my thing). I’m not a very brave person and I tend to be the one who mediates in any arguments and it makes me wildly anxious to be around when I’m with people who are fighting or arguing. I’ve also always had low self esteem and it’s hard for me to set boundaries with others because I’ve always been a people pleaser and tried to do anything to avoid upsetting others (I’m working on it and I’d say I’m better than a few years ago).

My sisters have “jokingly” called me weak mentally, physically, and emotionally because I’ve had depressive/anxious episodes where they sometimes find me crying in my moms arms because I wasn’t really good at managing my emotions (I feel incredibly deeply sometimes it’s horrible but when I’m happy I’m ecstatic, also I grew up in a household where negative emotions were avoided being talked about so none of us were able to learn to regulate them when they got out of hand). I guess I just see a lot of similarities between myself and elain where it feels like they sometimes treat me like I’ll break at the slightest inconvenience while also low key despise me for being this way? I feel like I’ve come a long way since a year ago and I feel like im beginning to master myself and my emotions and am slowly but surely becoming more sure of myself and set boundaries. I wish I could be brave like them and I believe I’ll get there someday but I also don’t think that remaining kind and empathetic and compassionate despite witnessing so many terrible things makes me less of a person than them. They tend to just assume rather than to put themselves in another persons shoes (I’d catch myself doing the same sometimes but I’ve realized it’s usually to make me feel better about putting others down).

Im realizing now that this just turned into a venting session and I’m truly sorry for that I know you’ve been busy with Jiara week (very excited btw :)) and I know I shouldn’t let the way people feel about a character hurt me it’s dumb lol it just made me feel like shit for being so similar to a character a bunch of people hate. I hope you don’t think less of me for this but I would really like to know what you think of elain.

this was...this was a lot of a thursday morning ngl!

i hope you don't take my answer personally since elain is a fictional character and all of this is based towards her, but i just don't find her a very interesting character. i understand she isn't a warrior-type female character and she isn't the first one sarah j maas has written. elide and yrene are examples of characters who are more love than war and i adored them endlessly. they were well written and had so much personality beyond the fact they were kind.

elain just feels really superficial to me and maybe that will change with her book, but i honestly can't say i care all that much about her. in the first book, yes nesta was a bitch but at least she was something. elain had nothing going. then potential came after she had been turned and yet still she somehow managed to remain the most boring character in this series when she arguably has some of the coolest powers. i feel like its overlooked how much she hurt feyre as well just because she is kind. as well as the fact that she just overlooks how much nesta protected her, not because she was made of glass but because she loved her.

the lucien stuff also kinda puts a bad taste in my mouth. i think stringing him along and not giving him a chance whilst also not making a decision is just a bit shitty. yes, she was traumatised and went through a lot but she also had no reason to be so hostile towards him when she was so kind to everyone else? like at least nesta was self-destructive with all her relationships, not just one.

anyways, i hope that answered your question!

[dtkqer]

i feel like im kinda neutral for the situation to be brought up again, im not like a big fan of seeing it pop up randomly sometimes but from what i can understand ig it can be healing for some ppl to talk through the situation given it rlly upset/triggered a lot of ppl? but i also get that doesnt work for everyone. idk its complex bc some ppl heal better by moving on and doing other things, some may prefer to talk through it. tho in general i just block/unfollow/mute/whatever if i dont like what someones saying bc ive kinda accepted that ppl will say whatever they want on here and some of it may be uncomfy to see. but yeah i do get feeling tired of it being brought up bc i do want to move on, but i feel that the fandom will better move on when content (and george) come back and things feel somewhat normal again. its just a waiting game for normalcy at the moment for us which is why a lot of ppl haven't moved on. (holy heck this got long sorry for the essay 😭)

i think this is really fair! i also get the sense that people also dont want to see the discussion BECAUSE the discussion is triggering and all so there really is no easy solution to moving on vs staying there and attempting to heal through it. people do whats best for them, but i still feel the critique is still warranted in some parts not because it shouldnt be talked about at all or censored, but because theres nothing new to be said outside of personal feelings about ccs or youtubers or whatever that gets into weird misogynistic rhetoric or obsessing over who did what wrong and what they continue to do wrong. i feel like THAT can be dangerous to fixate on and encourage non critical discussion on, not people's own personal stories or thoughts about the situation itself in the service of venting (which can be good for some and thats less what i mean when talking about how repetitive the conversation gets because its personal). for me its just stuff like caiti is a monster and hannah is irredeemable for these reasons but this chad who only knows cursory details of the situation is based for saying caiti is a master manipulator that i dont like encouraging or engaging discussion on months after the fact. things will get better but i think people should continue to reallyyyy think through the implications of what theyre saying when agreeing or disagreeing/hating on certain parties and also! think about the extremely fine line between encouraging discussion and enabling objectively shitty opinions and going into freak territory no matter the reach you might have or anything like that. but i understand the situation was a lot to process so again i dont fault people for still staying in their emotions even if its not my own way of dealing with it. i think getting george back will help us a lot :')

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw for csa, nightmares and flashbacks, csa detail

I just wanna vent

Last night I had a horrible nightmare of getting raped. It lasted for a long time and I'm still shaken from it. It brought back many flashbacks when I woke up. Idk why but even tho it was my mom who sa me, whenever I have a nightmare of sa (which happens a lot) my mom is never the rapist? Like its either my dad or a random person. Which is weird cuz my dad never sa'ed me. Sure he did constantly commented on my body ("your ass is growing, you're growing up!") Which make me feel uncomfortable. And one time he peeked through the toilet when i was using it to see if im on my phone, which was also weird but like he ddint mean to be inapp he just wanted to make sure i wasnt on my phone. But he never really did anything physical. Anyways the nightmare brought back shitty memories. I can still feel her lips and hands on me. It makes me feel so disgusted with myself, I feel like im dirty and gross for it. Ik it's not my fault but I just can't help feeling ashamed. My mom doesn't sa me anymore but she kinda does like.lower forms of it. Like slapping my ass or touching it, but that's normal right? I mean, I don't think she really means it in an inappropriate way, like she might just think it's a cute way of showing affection. My family is really physically affectionate after all, even my dad do that. Idk man I just feel so weird rn. I feel like I wanna get away from my body, like I don't belong in this thing. I wanna rip my skin off just to feel like she's never touched me. I wish she never did this to me, I wish we were a perfect family like how other ppl think we are. Worst part is they act so nice, they're good parents. It's just when I think of my childhood it's pretty messed up. I just keep trying to push down these feelings and ignore them so I can live in this fantasy of having perfect parents, but lately it's been becoming harder to do it. Thanks for listening, I hope u guys have a great day <3

- 💛

Hi 💛,

I'm so sorry about what you've been going through, as well as the dream you had. While you said your dad didn't outright SA you like your mom did, it sounds like he's still made inappropriate comments towards you and touches your butt. Please know that these things are unacceptable and you don't deserve to be treated this way.

It can be confusing when we dream of scenarios that are a bit different from our actual trauma, and it's natural to wonder why these details are changed in the dream. Sometimes our brains experiment with different dynamics to see how that changes the situation. Because for example there is quite a big difference between being raped by a stranger and being raped by your mom, and perhaps entertaining the idea of it being a stranger is a way to navigate and understand the dynamic between you and your mom. But sometimes its more symbolic or metaphorical. For example, if you dream about your dad being the perpetrator, perhaps it could symbolize the ways he makes you feel uncomfortable in your own body. Especially with trauma, it's natural for dreams to be a way to process and make sense of your experiences.

While it's okay for families to be physically affectionate, it must come with a certain level of care and respect for others' boundaries, which sounds absent in your family dynamic. It sounds like your family crosses physical and sexual boundaries under the guise of "normal" affection. Normalizing this behavior is what enables the abuse to continue. Please know that your body is yours and you deserve the right to say who can or cannot interact with it.

If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist can best help you process your trauma, the dreams you've been having, and equip you with useful coping tools that you can take with you along your healing journey.

I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun