#sorry this is v silly and self indulgent but i also dont care

[struck-by-the-rain]

rhythm dead redemption 2

[isatoru]

duck anon: shaking hands with you and also sending you much love. i’ve tried making a writing/fic blog on here a Couple times and each time i make a post or two and then they lie abandoned forever because it’s STRESSFUL writing in the reader insert community, like. even though people say to be self indulgent and to write for yourself, a lot of times as soon as i come up with ideas for stories my brain Immediately starts working overtime to patch all the “plot holes” of potential bad faith readers, it’s literally the worst!!!! it’s so hard when readers themselves are involved because then you have people being like “erm… i wouldn’t do that” and you’re like “THEN KEEP THAT SHIT TO YOURSELF” but then there’s also the the intimidation factor of mutuals like. omg the people i look up to and talk to about this stuff are gonna read this… what if it’s too Me and they don’t like it </3 </3

however i must say that you are still braver than i because you’re doing it!!! you have a blog (with a killer fucking theme, even if it is for That Bastard (affectionate)) and you’re posting through the horrors!!! it’s so hard but you’re pushing through and that’s so impressive and cool fr fr. the people pleaser in your mind may be strong but through the power of your lust for fictional man penis you will prevail over her (silly)

and also please rest assured that no matter what you post, you will have an audience of not only one (yourself) but two (yourself and ME) because i love checking your blog like it’s the daily news cause it’s so fun here <3 (like having your one reader say dude and bro… they’re just like me fr fr)

in summary: sorry you’re going through the horrors but you have my support!!! cheering you on!!!! RAUGHHHHHHHH-

duckyyyy (im gonna call u that now) beloved i adore u SOOO so much you don't even understand how much this made my night better and made me feel less alone ;v; i appreciate you so so much my friend thank u for sending this to me <333 🫂

"the intimidation factor of mutuals like. omg the people i look up to and talk to about this stuff are gonna read this… what if it’s too Me and they don’t like it </3 </3" <- this is exactly what scares me. caring what they think. regular readers are usually so chill they never really criticize (OKAY look ik they do dont get me wrong but its rare if its not about dark content or that usual bs, or at least it was rare when i used to post writing consistently i never rlly got hate from readers about my writing. it was just opinion posts from other writers that i would see circulating. ik theres readers that post opinions too LMFAO like dont get me wrong ive seen it but ig i dont be seeing those posts as much) and its really the writers circle and mutuals that u are afraid of perceiving u lmao. i dont really care about opinions of people about writing when they dont write themselves like its not valid to me LOL. but, deadass most of the time (if not all the time) no one actually cares like that fr. if they don't like what you post they unfollow or just dont interact with those posts. they will never have a problem with you specifically at all. im just fighting demons in my head KJDSFHJ u get it🫂

but that fear of being perceived still fucks w u lol u cant control it sometimes. but.... ur right and i know i shouldn't let anything that hasnt even happen affect me LMAO. its really not that serious. but i love writing, i love fic, i love this community we have so i just never wanna get hurted by these silly thoughts even in theory....

"the people pleaser in your mind may be strong but through the power of your lust for fictional man penis you will prevail over her (silly)" UR RIGHT. UR RIGHT IM CRYIGNHDFJ lust for fictional man penis really does outweigh the horrors u are correct . i will kill her some day lmao

I NEED U TO KNOW U ALSO HAVE MY SUPPORT!!!!! MAKE THAT WRITING BLOG ONCE AND FOR ALL AND POST!!! take your own golden advice ;v; !! i would LOVE to read what you write friend. we are in this together 🫂 u are so sweet

i see u in my notifs all the time and it makes me sooo soo happy u enjoy seeing all i post it means the world to me lol. i am giggling and kicking my feet seeing u in my notifs it makes me so happy. like so much. i cant put into words how much im so so happy that u like what i have to say ;-; thank u SOOO so much. <3333

[zagenta]

hear me out for a sec

Tbh all that’s left of the good h/a/m/ilton content that isn’t just pretty fanart of the musical is rly intriguing b/c i feel like it exists on this plane of existence completely separate from actual history or even the musical? Do you know what I mean?

Like I know its usually considered OOC writing for characters to be unlike canon but all the really interesting content i’ve consumed has evolved the characters so that they’re far more interesting their their canon counterparts, b/c ppl are using the bare bones of what was once probably a historical demon man to base a template for a fully fleshed out character. There’s been some really great content that delves into exploration of sexuality, gender, race, etc that’s based primarily on ppls interpretations, although that’s probably bc at this point i primarily only look at content by authors of color that talk abt LGBT+ characters of color.

Honestly it’s an excuse for some real creativity and exploration of intimate subject matter.

The femslash and the next gen stuff is a great example. Originally this post was going to be a joke that I was gonna write an original story featuring the hamilton next gen and nobody would have any idea, but really its true. Ppl have fabricated personalities out of practically nothing or very little historical info for characters that have very small roles or are completely cut from the diegesis such as Frances Laurens, Dolley Madison, Maria Cosway, Maria Reynolds, Martha Manning, Theodosia Jr, Georges and Adrienne, etc and I think that’s amazing!

And these practically fanmade characters are given stories that touch on LGBT+ themes, parental/child dynamics, drugs, racism, mental illness, art, music, etc. It’s surprisingly mature, and these characters expand upon the themes of the original text and adds additional themes and making it better, more palatable, and more satisfying.

 Almost always set in a creative setting or a modern setting.

Not that there isn’t that mountain of weird fetish-y romanticization works from the fandom, there is, but at this point i’ve learned to tune it out. I just think its amazing how fans can expand a pretty problematic original text into something far more interesting (it’s actually a pretty similar phenomenon to what happened with T/w/i/light, 50 shades fiasco aside). There’s lots of cringey stuff, but the same fan cliches can also be used to great effect.

Perfect example? Nonbinary Laf: often a cringey token nonbinary flamboyant european gay stereotype or an excuse to fetishize daveed, but i’ve also seen (and written, not to hype myself up too much) works that show a lot of depth to his character, his defiant flamboyancy being an act of queer transgression, that are a lot more introspective on the experience of being a nonbinary or bisexual person and parent, an outsider.

Often its the stereotypes that were used to the point of exhaustion by white fandom that we reclaimed to spin in a more nuanced light (some of it we worked to deconstruct b/c it was just nasty but other stuff we’ve reclaimed).

Because seriously, what fans of color have done w/ the show vs. what white fans have done is honestly incomparable. I mean, I doubt Israa still cares abt this demon musical, but her fics were serious artistry. Same w/ Dia, but Sorry About the Blood in Your Mouth is AMAZING. And Peaches’ Maria Cosway Certified Lesbian is the most charming thing on the planet. I even think the silly shit has its merits. 

& its strange, b/c most of these characters are so unlike their original counterparts, or were created from whole cloth, so they feel much more like *mine* than any character on some whitebread m/a/r/v/e/l show could be. And while, H/a/m/i/l/ton, as problematic as it is, is probably quite literally a masterpiece, these characters really don’t belong to the musical or to history. Sure they may inhabit the same names, but they’re not the same.

Butch lesbian Peggy is OURS, its not the musical’s. Stoner John Laurens, (silly as it might seem) is ours (well, its Vic’s), not the musical’s. Nonbinary Lafayette is OURS. Butch lesbian Frances Laurens with a F/un H/ome dynamic with her fucked up gay dad is ours. Technically-not-siblings/best-friend-cousins Philip and Frances is OURs. (I’d argue even the more problematic ones like Mads & TJ are so removed from the historical and musical reality that they fall under this category, fucked up as it seems).

They’re their own characters, they exist in a universe tangential to history and the musical but not the same one.

--And I’m gonna veer off into self-indulgent territory, but as far as my own involvement in fandom goes, I personally put a lot of work into this alternate universe. Closeted, ambitious, perfectionist Dolley Payne is mine. Gangly, neurotic, awkward gay Georges is mine. Angelica/Dolley the ambitious power couple is mine. Queer anarchist rebel Virginie de Lafayette is mine. They’re MY characters, and I’m extremely proud of them.

tbh im just gonna admit that me focusing on second generation of kids like Frances & Philip & etc and the women both in the show & that weren’t rly in it like Eliza & Angelica & Dolley & shit is how i reconcile w/ myself for H/a/m/ilton being a show based on the demon fathers & its not a perfect solution but tbh it gives me an excuse to just make up shit that are basically my own OCs bc half the characters i writer abt were never in the show. I know its basically an excuse to assuage my own guilt but there it is.

Anyways im not rly sure how to end this, if we’re mutuals i’d rly like your input. And pls don’t let this circulate around, i especially dont want antis to see it nor particularly do i care abt white fans’ opinions either

also i know this is super apologist i just wanted to express an idea