#sorry to randomly get real on here bc i hate doing that on my tumblr where i talk about wanting to get railed but earlier today i seriously

[bigprettygothgf]

sorry ill still talk more about my thoughts on sopranos later im currently just in the middle of another psycho round of wanting to not be alive that makes talking about anything more eloquently than a fucking caveman annoying as all fuck

[thedaddie]

Hey, I'd like to request a matchup :)

For starters, I am a 5'7 female, go by she/her and have a preference for guys. I have short brown wavy hair with bangs that's usually always messy and brown eyes. i wear glasses but keep them off at home most of the time. I would describe my body type as.. big boned? and skinny. I have a small appetite (kenma kinnie koment lol) and i'm a picky eater so I'm always anxious about eating at other people's houses bc I don't want to offend them. I'm almost underweight and my bones are pretty noticeable so i wear baggy clothes a lot. My favorite hobbies are gaming, watching anime, and spending time on social media like tik tok (anime side lol) instagram and tumblr, though I hardly post anything. I'd rather stay invisible both on the internet and real life, i hardly comment anything either, and i usually ask anonymously except for rn bc there's no option for that heh... but yeah. My primary love language is physical touch but it takes me a while to get comfortable. I'm an INFP 4w5, and a Libra.. a very introverted Libra lol. When it comes to my personality, I tend to be comedic with the people im comfortable with, but exceptionally quiet when im anywhere else but a comfortable space with a close friend. I would say I'm very loyal, trustworthy, and supportive of the people I care about. I have anxious thoughts almost all the time, even when nothing's happening, but i'm fairly good at hiding it. I daydream a lot and have a habit of spacing out randomly without meaning to, and my clise family knows this very well. It gets to the point where when I'm with a group of friends (or more like acquaintances bc i just so happened to be there bc of my one friend) where i just space out and once im back to reality, everyone's laughing and I have no idea what I missed lol. When im in a big group, like at family parties or smth, people don't rlly talk to me, so I usually go by the event without being noticed which is great. Unless when I try saying something I'm ignored. I feel better with a group who would listen to me when I do talk and includes me in the conversation even though I'm not always there mentally. Over text I am more expressive with my sense of humor and emotions. I would rather get to know someone before calling him my boyfriend. If i'm interested I will take a lot of time to get to know someone, and I would appreciate if they did the same, otherwise I would see the relationship as too shallow and distance myself. I dislike fake people and callousness. I don't usually hate people but things like that really throw me off. I don't mind if my match is an extrovert or introvert. Sorry if that was too much heh.. thank you in advance ^^

hi!! thanks for requesting!! i match you with…

YAMAGUCHI TADASHI

so this relationship started with you having a crush on him!!

you just really admired him and his abilities!! you attended every game (EVEN THO HE WAS BENCHED MOST OF THE TIME LOL IM SORRY)

BUT YOU WANTED TO BE THERE WHEN HE GOT THE CHANCE TO PLAYYYYY

plus yknow he’s super cute so that didn’t hurt at all

however, being the introvert you are, it took you forever to build to courage to tell him as you were much more content to admire him from afar

you tried to get to know him as much as you could before even considering confessing

but one day you just said fuck it and went up to him

and you start out with a “hey tadashi ◕ ◡ ◕” BUT HE CUTS U OFF

HES LIKE “TSUKKI ISNT HERE RIGHT NOW, YOU CAN FIND HIM LATER”

the poor boy thought u were trying to confess to tsukki 😫

you’re immediately like “no????? i’m here to talk to you???”

he’s legit shocked 😟

and you manage to make it through the confession and tadashi is still like dumbfounded

error 404 yamaguchi not found 😶

ANYWAY

he accepts your invitation for a date AND THE REST IS HISTORY

he never really liked video games until you came around!! now you’ve got him into playing all kinds of shit

there are times where y’all will be literally in the same room and send each other tik toks like babe… sit up hes right mf there

when you space out in the classes you share, he always gives you a copy of his notes to make sure you don’t miss anything 🥲

you’d think that being with another introvert would only keep him quiet but no! yams likes getting your attention for doing good things (especially in volleyball) because he likes making you proud 🥰

he used to like being invisible, but being seen by you? incomparable to anything else

he knew just from the few initial dates y’all had that you hated callousness, so he was terrified to introduce you to tsukki

but tsukki knows how much you mean to him so he refrained from being rude to you (they’re bffs he would do anything for yams 😭)

he also introduced you to the rest of karasuno! and they adore you!! they’re definitely the group who will always include you in everything 😍

your love language is physical touch? he’s always down for a good cuddle

his love language is quality time! as long as he’s with you he’ll always be happy!!

so now onto your zodiacs!! a libra and a scorpio!

you both value consistency and commitment

but the only way for your relationship to succeed is for you both to build on yourselves individually

creating a strong sense of self will keep your from getting sucked into the negative emotions that come with relationships :)

and your personality types! INFP and INFJ!

you guys are both introverts and naturally kind, caring nurtures who feel quite passionately

so you guys would work for many reasons

for example, you both are drawn to the same type of people (thoughtful and artistic types) and really desire that long, committed relationship

like every relationship, there can be bumps in the road

you both dislike conflict, which can leave issues in the relationship unaddressed

and since you are both so connected to your values, it can be difficult if you disagree with each other

but all in all you guys really work together!! and i bet your texts to each other are mf crazy ANYWAY

—

moodboard:

here you are, yet again sitting silently in the middle of yet another school event.

you don’t even know how you ended up here. one minute you were content in your classroom the next you were in a crowded gym packed so tight you could hardly breathe. curse your daydreaming brain.

people around you are talking so loud, making your brain feel like static. some of them keep bumping into you or standing on your shoes but you don’t have the heart to bring it up. you’re kind of just… stuck.

something taps your shoulder. initially you don’t respond as you assume its just another asshole who isn’t aware of the people around them.

“hey,” a voice whispers in your ear. “cmon.”

“tadashi?” you manage to ask.

your boyfriend doesn’t respond, just takes your hand as you weave through the crowd, which is surprisingly easy. you look up and see tsukki, who towers over most of the people surrounding you.

when you finally get outside, you allow yourself to take a deep breath.

“thanks, tsukki.” yamaguchi says, glancing at his friend.

“whatever. just come to the volleyball gym when you’re done.” he deadpans and swiftly walks off, leaving you alone with yamaguchi.

“i don’t know how i got there,” you admit sheepishly.

“it’s a school wide social thing, doesn’t matter. we were heading to practice when we- i mean, tsukki spotted you in the crowd.”

“thanks for finding me.” you smile and kiss his cheek, watching as blush immediately creeps onto his freckled face.

—

songs for your matchup :)

[fruit-cupz]

Hello, I’m new to Tumblr and I’m really happy to found your blog. If its not a problem can you write a Fanfiction with Gavin where the MC gets really jealous bc of the Policewoman (I think she appeared in the ‘Follow up date’) and kisses Gavin infront of her?

Hiya, I’m really glad you found my blog too! :) Thanks for the request and also, thank you to all the sweethearts who’ve been messaging me with lots of love and support. I’m crying real tears LOL

Gavin x MC (Jealousy)

Word Count: 1725

Rating: Fluffyyy with a dash of one bold MC (also sorry for anyone who has the name Nicole I picked it randomly I swear eep eep)

The police station smells like coffee and something else sweet, Yuna noted glancing around the bustling sea of blue. She stood off to the side of the lively room observing a group of policemen with interest as they chatted animatedly amongst themselves. Many more sat typing reports or reviewing cases at their desks, once in a while looking up to add their own quips and jests to the ongoing conversation. Seeing the friendliness of the officers with one another reminded her much of her own staff back at the studio.

In her hands, she held a bag packed with bentos she had bought for Gavin to eat for lunch. The two hadn’t been able to meet in a while due to a wave of work that had left them both swamped, so when Gavin texted her saying he hadn’t eaten yet, she decided to take a lunch break herself to visit him. It was a short window of opportunity, and seeing the time, she could only stay for a little while longer.

Upon her arrival, one of the officers had been kind enough to find Gavin for her seeing she wasn’t familiar with the building. She recalled his words with a faint blush on her cheeks. 

“You’re looking for Gavin?” He cocked his head to the side puzzled before recognition seemed to dawn upon him. “Oh! You must be his rumored gir-” Yuna’s eyes widened at the possible end of his sentence. 

Realizing his mistake, he laughed awkwardly. “You can wait here while I go find him for you.” He flashed her a knowing grin before stalking off. 

Yuna leaned heavily against the wall behind her and sighed. The idea of others thinking she was Gavin’s girlfriend erupted a wave of butterflies in her stomach. For a moment, she humored the thought before a shrill voice snapped her out of her reverie. 

“Hey you!” Yuna turned to come face to face with a perfectly manicured fingernail pointing at her. “I heard you’re looking for Gavin. How are you related to him?” The brunette gave Yuna a once over then frowned.

“He didn’t tell me that he has a younger sister.” She cocked an arrogant eyebrow upwards challengingly folding her arms over her busty chest. 

Yuna stared at her wide eyed and confused, slightly put off by the woman’s assumption. She recognized the tall and stunning brunette, Nicole, from a previous visit to the police station. Nicole had been the one who seemed to have taken a particular interest in Gavin, even going as far as bringing him coffee “just the way he liked it” and lunch. 

An unsettling, bitter feeling crept its way into Yuna’s chest. 

“Sorry to disappoint you, but no, I’m not his sister.” She kept her voice leveled and calm in an attempt to keep that odd feeling of annoyance from growing. 

Nicole narrowed her eyes questioningly. “Oh? Then how exactly are you affiliated?” 

Yuna fidgeted slightly under her intense gaze. “He’s my…” She paused hesitating with her response. 

Nicole grew slightly impatient her foot tapping irritably against the carpeted floor. 

“He’s your?” She pressed. 

“…friend?” Yuna’s response sounded like more of a question than an answer even to herself. 

The word sounded foreign and heavy on her tongue. 

She reflected on her relationship with Gavin and all of their interactions. All of their spontaneous, exhilarating adventures with her gripping tightly to him on the back of his motorcycle hoping that he wouldn’t hear her frantic heart over the wind. All the late night phone calls in comfortable silence because somehow the knowledge of knowing the other was present was enough for the two of them to be content. All the times he walked her home to keep her safe and brought her snacks simply because he thought she would like them. All of the times she couldn’t distinguish if they were solely friends or something more leaving her heart a jumbled mess with every lingering touch and heated glance they shared. The more she thought, the more her heart began to ache. 

The word was not enough to express how she felt for Gavin.

Nicole glared clearly unsatisfied with Yuna’s answer. “Well I’ll have you know that Gavin and I—”

“You and I what?” A deep and chilly voice cut Nicole off, and both Yuna and her whipped their heads to the source. 

Gavin stood coolly, one hand casually draped over his hip in his usual stance. His eyebrows raised in surprise seeing Yuna, his eyes flickering with a soft warmth before he turned his attention back to Nicole with a frown.

“Gavin!” Nicole’s demeanor changed almost instantly as she stepped forward closer to him, twirling her chocolate locks around her finger flirtatiously. “It’s a surprise to see you so suddenly.” She cooed, her voice dripping like sickeningly, sweet honey. 

Yuna resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the woman’s unabashed actions. The uncomfortable feeling in her heart grew heavier.

“How many times do I have to remind you to call me sir at work.” Gavin reprimanded coldly, not at all affected by her flirty act. 

Unfazed by his callous tone, Nicole took another step closer and batted her eyelashes up at him innocently. “My apologies, sir.” 

Gavin didn’t spare her another glance side stepping out of her vicinity to stand in front of Yuna. His eyes immediately softened, and his lips involuntarily tugged up into a smile. “Hey, I’m surprised you came to visit. I’m glad I get to see you.” He gently tugged her free hand into his, giving it a light squeeze before letting go. 

Yuna’s heart swelled at his tenderness compared to how abrasive he was just mere moments ago. She was delighted to see that he reserved his soft side for her alone. 

“Are you sure it’s alright for you to be here? I know how busy you’ve been with work. I hope you haven’t been overdoing it.” Gavin glanced around searching for a clock to check the time, concern filled in his voice.

“Ah, actually I just came to drop lunch off for you. I’ll have to head back soon.” Yuna pulled the bag of bentos up, her face heating up slightly suddenly aware of the growing number of eyes watching their exchange with interest. 

His smile only grew, and he gratefully took the bag from her their hands brushing softly against one another. “You really didn’t have to go through the trouble, but thank you for this. I hope you’ve been eating properly too you workaholic.” He affectionately ruffled the top of her head.

“Oh? You’re one to talk Mr. I eat take out every day.” She teased with a small chuckle.

The sound of someone clearing their throat caught the pair’s attention. They turned to see Nicole who stood with her fists clenched at her sides, a tight smile plastered on her face. 

“Sir, I just remembered that there are a few cases that I’d like you to help me review. I hope that’s okay with you. It seems like your friend was just about to leave.” She emphasized through gritted teeth.

Stepping close to him once more, she provocatively tugged on his arm with a seductive smile, purposefully pressing her ample chest into him. 

Heat crawled up to Gavin’s face. Feeling irritated he stoically said, “Just leave them on my desk.”

Yuna felt the unpleasant annoyance begin to rage like a burning flame angrily engulfing her heart in a way that willed her to pull Gavin out of the woman’s claws. Her jaw clenched, and for a moment, she stood frozen helpless to the scene in front of her. 

If Nicole wanted to play this game with her, then Yuna was going to give her a run for her money.

Gavin’s eyes widened in great surprise when he felt Yuna wrap herself around the bicep of his other arm. Her face was slightly flushed at her boldness, but her challenging gaze was unwavering against Nicole. 

The room became awfully silent with the two woman staring one another down, the previously chatting officers now engrossed in the drama unfolding. Yuna knew the situation probably looked like a melodramatic soap opera, but she pushed her embarrassment aside, refusing to back down. 

Seeing this, Gavin roughly shook Nicole off and awkwardly cleared his throat casting a glance at the officers around them. They were causing a scene, and he hated to be unprofessional at work. The tension felt rather unbearable, and he wondered what spell Yuna was under to make her so daring.

In any case, this side of her intrigued him. 

Yuna pulled Gavin closer to her, heart hammering in her chest. She blinked up at him sweetly her eyes shining with hidden mischief. Slowly, she lifted a petite hand and slid it up his chest to tangle with the tie of his uniform. 

Gavin gulped in anticipation.“Yuna what-”

Before he could say anything else and she could convince herself not to, she impulsively pulled him down by his tie and pressed her soft lips to his. 

She vaguely registered the sounds of people gasping and a few whistles, but nothing could take her attention away from him. Gavin stood frozen in complete shock unsure of how to react before his emotions inevitably won over, one hand coming up to tangle at the back of her head while the other tugged her closer by the waist. The kiss was unbelievably tender and sweet, a culmination of the past months of emotions building up, and although brief, Yuna felt her legs turn to jelly. She breathlessly pulled back before they could get too carried away. 

“Gavin, I should probably go now.” She whispered with half lidded eyes. “I still have work, but I’ll make sure to text you later on.” Yuna felt slightly smug seeing his dazed expression as she leaned up to give him a lingering kiss on his flushed cheek before completely untangling from his hold.

Sneaking a glance at Nicole, her lips formed into a satisfied smile seeing the woman’s defeated and disappointed look. Yuna walked out of the station feeling giddy, her cheeks beginning to hurt from the giant grin she wore.

When she reached her office, she laughed seeing the single message staring up at her on her phone screen.

“Jealousy looks good on you.”

[starkerforlife6969]

REPLYING TO ANON MESSAGES 

This is another lengthy reply to all those lovely messages so I don’t spam you! Once again, no prompts filled here- they would be separate posts, so if you’re waiting on a fill, i promise it’ll come through eventually XD All you need to know is there will be a part 4 to the Mafia AU with Starker, Winterspider, Spidershield and Strange x Peter. It’ll be about two weeks but it is happening and I’ll let you all know! Keep sending me amazing ideas and being as gorgeous and wonderful as always. 

1) So um I was the person that randomly confessed to you the other day and I sent another ask to confirm that it was indeed you who I was massively crushing on and you were thinking it might be another blog,no it’s 100% you.Idk what tumblr did to that ask I feel like it disappeared but I just wanted to make sure that you know it was you bc how can you even doubt someone could be crushing on you I literally feel like Peter in every starker fic ever when he sees Tony whenever I see your username im-

Hello, gorgeous! Yes, I did get your other message but i’m so sorry I didn’t reply! It’s been so hectic and I’ve been travelling :(( but i am so flattered. I don’t know why because i am certain you could have anyone with how kind you are. You are the sweetest thing ever and you are such a darling I cannot even deal with it. You can message me whenever you like, or stay anonymous if you feel more comfortable <3, but there’s no need to be nervous, honeybee! IM NERVOUS because i can never ever live up to your adorableness hahaha. Stay as beautiful as I know you are! xxx 

2) @thebadthingshappen: I just wanted to say that your writing is really amazing and a great inspiration as someone who wants to start writing starker. I always look forward to your updates and appreciate the time and effort you put into everything. If you ever need someone to talk to or bounce ideas off of I’m here and my inbox is always open. :D

First, um, I love your username so hard. I read it entirely in Peter’s voice. Second, this is the sweetest thing ever oh my gosh. I ALWAYS WANT SOMEONE TO TALK TO so I’d love to message you!!!! The next time I’m stuck for ideas i’ll come and spam you! Or you can message me whenever ;) x

3) ConstructionWorkerTony-anon here. Just... Thank you! 💕💕💕 that was great :)

NO THANK YOU. I’m so happy you liked it, because I know I added a bunch of kinks you didn’t ask for and I got worried but -yay!!!! 

4) @hunka-munka OMG I JUST FINISHED READING YOUR MAFIA STARKER FIC AND I AM IN LOOOOOOOVEEEEE omg omg I'm going through so many emotions 🙈first off I adooooooore how you wrote bucky I squealed in every scene he was in lol that ending for the 3rd part slaayyyyyed me are you planning on doing a 4th part??? I absolutely love the different dynamics between Peter and the rest of the characters it's so much fun to read about. Sorry for the long ask aaaaahhh i just needed to scream about it!!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS MADE MY WHOLE DAY. Ahhhhhh, you are so sweet!!! I am planning a fourth part! It’s pretty much planned (and you will have more bucky, you precious bean) but it’s going to take a while to write cuz my classes start back up again :(( I’ll let you know when it’s out though! (should be about 2 weeks!) 

5) @hoe4parker I JUST READ THE THIRD PART OF THE MAFIA FIC W BUCKY AND STEVE AND TONY AS PETER’S DADDIES AND IT WAS SO SO SO GOOD

Yeah, I don’t deserve you, let’s be real. You guys are all so frickin kind I can’t even deal with it. 

6) Oh my god!!!!!! Mild social anxiety anon here to tell you that part 3 is amazing!!!!

*sobs with appreciation* honey!!!!! I can get mild social anxiety sometimes too, and you are so amazing and AHHHH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, this put a huge smile on my face!!!! 

7) Ahhhh.... Part 3 was excellent!... I kind of wish Steve and Bucky had a thing and at some point they kiss (just a loving kiss... or fuck you know, whatever) and Peter see's it and gets sad or maybe he had a bad day and Tony's somewhere and he just wanted to get home and fuck or cuddle one of them and then he see's that and he's jealous. That'd be fun. I'm such a sucker for angst and conflict... and hate-fucking. Great stuff xd Seriously, I love this series though... -🦊

Honey, I’m sorry I’m answering this in this section because that means it won’t get filled :(( but that’s only because I’ll ship peter with everyone, and even though i think steve and bucky is the cutest thing ever, I just don’t write them very well :(( IM SORRY HONEY that being said, i love angst and conflict too, so maybe there’ll be some more of that sometime!!!! thank you so much foxy, for your lovely comments seriously, they made me so happy. 

8) The Mafia Boss Tony Part 3 was stunning and for some reason the very end was funny to me... I think it's cause I have PTSD and still get panic attacks and occasionally pass out from them but they're acting like he died. And my head is just like 'Guys. Calm the fuck down. Put some actual clothing on the kid so he's warm enough. Lie him down. Yes, have someone in there to check his breathing. He's gonna be a little disoriented... but he's not dead guys... calm the hell down'. It's brilliant XD

Dude, I died laughing XD I get panic attacks sometimes (very mild and no ptsd, but you do and ahhhh I was so scared you were gonna say I messed it up but you didn’t and you’re so sweet!!! And honey, I’m sorry you have them :( but i know you’re strong and amazing <3) and they do overreact so much but it’s like my god awful attempt at drama hahaha, thank you so much for this comment, it honestly made me so happy. 

9) Is there going to be a fourth mafia au? I’m in love with the ones have posted ❤️❤️ 

YES THERE WILL BE BECAUSE LOVELY PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE SO ENCOURAGING 

10) MAFIA PART 3 OH MY GOD im :(( abt peter like i want my babey safe and feelin good awh ((also i love your writing sm ur so good))

seriously. I don’t deserve you. you guys are all gonna get such good karma with all the positivity you put out into the world. I’m so happy you enjoyed it! x PS, Peter will be feeling good, hahaha, he’s gonna get spoilt rotten by everyone. 

10)  @aggressively-precious AYE part two of your mafia AU is a goddamn GIFT you're my hero xo

YOU are a gift, seriously. thank you for existing and bringing joy into my life. 

11) this fandom is full of talented and sweet people, I'm so thankful for having y'all really. have a nice day love ❤

*sobs* it really is! thank YOOUUUU 

[limerenze]

storytime/rant: my ex boyfriends best friend tea + my love life

okay okay okay(take a shot every time I say: okay, so, basically)

so I’m so sorry to everyone who doesn’t care about my personal life bc sksksk I wouldn’t care about it either. anyways I really gotta let it all out and who better than to my tumblr followers 😫

also imma be changing the names of the two boys in this story bc this is like, a real story between me and real people in my life & idk I feel weird using their real names

—————

Okay so, when I moved to Calgary in 2014, I met this boy- lets call him Ethan.

We were dating by February 15, 2015. Keep in mind we are both only in sixth grade. (I’m in 10th grade now)

We stayed together all the way until May 2017- I ended up breaking up with him because some shit happened in my life that January.

Then we got back together in October 2017, and it was really nice because uh I loved that boy. But I broke up with him yet again in December. Mostly bc I was like “hey I’m way too depressed to love you right now I’m so sorry” and he was like “oh my god no it’s okay please work on urself I love u” (this is ninth grade now).

Honestly, Ethan was such a good boyfriend and I really did love him and maybe I still do who knows, actually I do uh- I was taught that you never stop loving your first love? so part of me will always love him? ya. I hope he finds someone that treats him the way he deserves because he really is amazing and I know someone will take advantage of him if he’s not careful.

So ya that was that. And that lasted until uhhh, June 2018. When we got back together... yet again.

(Between the time we broke up in December and got back together in June, I had been in two relationships)

So the real tea is here, kinda. Like not the main tea of this story? But big tea.

Uhh, we dated all summer and it was actually amazing. I was totally in love with him and everything felt right? I guess.

Oh my goodness now that I’m writing this all out and explaining it, it sounds so dramatic I hate myself. I KNOW OKAY SKSKSK

Anyways, at the beginning of August he told me that he was actually moving to Vancouver at the end of August, before school starts.

And oh my fucking god I was so pissed.

I was so mad, I’m actually getting mad writing this.

I felt so betrayed I guess? I just feel like it was so selfish for him to spend our whole time back together (again) savouring it I guess? and I didn’t get that., like he got to know we were going to break up and I was kinda just left in the dark and idk.

anyways, not the point. shitty but not the point.

uhhhh ya.

so we broke up he moved away.

and since I can’t catch a break! he ended up moving back from Vancouver, in October.

I was even more pissed bc like, it was so sudden? Like I showed up at school one day and he was just, in the halls? Like okay he could’ve warned me? So insensitive.

He came to my school, and his TA (basically homeroom, you have he same ta the whole time you’re in that school) was right across the hall from mine. Well it still is, whatever.

It took us like a month of awkwardly seeing eachother in the halls and my trying to hard to avoid him at school before we finally talked.

We’ve had multiple deep conversations about our relationship and he’s apologized so many times for it and obviously I’ve forgiven him but u know how it be. We said that we would probably never get back together, and if we ever did then it was a sign? I don’t know. We’ve been through so much together and he means the world to me but IDK!!

anyways uh I think I’ve covered everything.

OKAY!

so when he moved back, I paid so so much attention to who he was hanging out with and where he usually went at lunch, basically gathering info so I could avoid him.

I noticed he was always always sitting at the back table of the library with this boy, who was in his ta- which I know because it was across from mine and I also paid way too much attention to him.

WHICH BY THE WAY I USED TO SIT AT THE BACK LIBRARY TABLE AND THEN THATS WHERE HE STARTED SITTING THEN I HAD TO FUCKING FIND A NEW SPOT DAMMIT!

it’s fine.

So this boy he was always sitting with, let’s call him Logan.

Ethan’s best friend is Logan. If you saw one outside of class, you saw the other.

And when semester two rolled around, sure enough, I had a class with Logan. Math.

So it’s March 11, and we started semester two on February 4. So a little over a month and today, I finally had a real conversation with Logan.

(I had talked to him once before in the cafeteria, it was loud and we talked about homework)

Basically, our math teacher randomly split the class into table groups. And Logan and I got sat together.

And y’all when I tell you he’s perfect, I mean he’s perfect.

He is the most hilarious person I’ve ever talked to in my life, he was so nice and witty and smart. He held a consistent conversation with me for like an hour and fifteen minutes.

He helped me with my work, he told me stories about himself, he listened to my stories.

He turned 16 last weekend, he plays hockey. He just started playing with the older division this season so he was telling me all about like the injuries he’s had and the fights he’s gotten into (hot).

He’s so cute and he dresses nicely. He coaches kids hockey teams and referees hockey games in his free time for that bread.

He told me he was saving up for a car.

He was telling me about how he quit lacrosse and how it was a long story and maybe one day he would tell it to me. He talked about his rugby tryouts that were after school and how nervous he was for them.

He said “hey you used to date my friend Ethan right?” And for like a second I was like okay that was fun while it lasted. Then he said “yeah he told me all about it a few weeks after we met, he was a complete asshole- no one deserves that” and I was like OKAY FUCK UR SO PERFECT PLS HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE.

And I stay after school on Monday’s usually for an after school program and just as I was leaving he was about to walk into the locker room to change for rugby and he had the biggest smile on his face when I went over to him.

I told him good luck and he was like thanks I’ll let you know how it goes, then he stole a veggie chip from the bag I was eating out of.

So now I’m here, it’s been like six hours since we were outside that locker room and I feel stuck.

Stuck with this big ass crush on my serious ex boyfriends best friend.

and idk what to do about it.

and like, ya I guess I’m a crushy person, hence the entire ‘carter art boy’ tag I use on my blog.

But idk it feels so different. I feel like he was so interested in my life and I was interested in his and UGH I feel weird.

So idk what I’m gonna do.

Maybe I’ll avoid him for the rest of the semester.

I cant see myself doing that tho, idk.

IDKIDKIDKIDK

pls send me advice in my asks

[hyyunjinn]

    I swear if I forgot someone, and I feel like I am because I’m so bad at keeping track of things, I’m gonna go scream. ALSO: all those tags and mentions I’ve been tagged in, I swear I saw them but it was usually when I’m in the middle of doing something and I didn’t want to reblog aND THEN I JUST LOST THE TAG so I’m sorry ; - ;

    But uh, I. Reached. 3K. Followers. On this blog a while ago actually I’m just that lazy of a person and I never do anything on time. And I just wanted to say thank you so much for supporting me and screaming about Stray Kids daily? I haven’t been feeling the greatest emotionally which is why this might turn into a rant—but I just want to use my emotional energy for something good and that’s saying thank you! This is the first time a community has shown so much interest in my work and supporting it and I really, really can’t say how much I appreciate you all. I’ve been creating content for a while now, but it just never got the support I hoped for and,,, idk—just the fact that you guys like this blog just makes me so happy. And it’s not just the gifs: the gfx and writing that I post are the ones I care more about and I’ve gotten so many positive comments on it ahhhhhhh I want to hug each and everyone of you.   

    I know I don’t respond that well and those who tried to talk to me are probably disappointed by how I keep up a conversation but aklsfjasf I want to use this an appreciation post for all the wonderful people I met because of Stray Kids. Also, I want to say that, I’ve tried to talk and support you guys all—even if I don’t follow you, I lurk your blog and stuff—it’s just wow, we’re getting really big and I feel bad not being able to interact with everyone BUT I WANT TO SAY THAT ALL OF YOU ARE SO AMAZING AND WONDERFUL AND YOU WORTH MORE THAN YOU BELIEVE YOU DO. I think it’s easier for me to talk about random stuff on kakaotalk so uhhh, if you wanna shoot me a message my id is cicikookie!    

    And just to my followers in general: thank you so much for sticking around haha. I see a lot of regular usernames and lurk sometimes haha so ;)) Thank you ♡

    Thank you again for being so supportive and I love interacting with all of you: LET’S SUPPORT STRAY KIDS TOGETHER FOR A LONG TIME!

    So, I guess I’ll start with the personalized messages:

@changlix Wow Lexi, you were my first friend in this fandom anD IDK WHAT IT WAS THAT MADE ME DROP MY USERNAME TO YOU BUT AKLSJFALSF LOL I’M SO GLAD WE’RE FRIENDS because everyone loves you and you’re amazing and I love your blog and everything and alskdfjaslfd you’re really crazy but I love you and ahHhHhhh. I know you’re busy with life, but whenever we talk even for like 2 messages at a time, I love it so much. ESPECIALLY WHEN WE WERE THROWING SHADE AT EACH OTHER EARLY ON. I still. Can’t believe. yOUR PROFILE PICTURE IS STILL HYUNJIN ON TWT WYD GIRL. And you calling me a hoe—wow, I keep that close to my heart. HAHA BUT ALL JOKES ASIDE, I appreciate you so much for being the inclusive self that you are and keep being amazing. Okay, I’ll admit: when you told me to “take care of your man properly or i’m coming for him cici” I THINK THAT’S THE REASON I’M STILL LOYAL TO HIM OR I WOULD’VE SWERVED AGES AGO. Thanks Lexi, you’re best ;) altho how could you come for him when i am taking care of him, traitor

@manny27lei I’m adding you here but I don’t even wanna write you anything hAH. YOU DON’T EVEN TALK ABOUT SK. MAKE A SIDEBLOG AND I MIGHT

jk ily thanks for listening to me cry everyday and laskfdjasf it’s crazy how we met because of sk but it’s not even because of sk, it’s because of svt whoops

@seungminty yOU’RE STILL MY FAVE SEUNGMIN STAN AND YOU FOREVER WILL BE. ULT SEUNGMIN STAN. And ofc vocal line enthusiast. Thank you for being you and asklfdjasldf goodness, sometimes I worry that you’re being too hard on yourself MAR ILY AND THE GC LOVES YOU AND BE CONFIDENT! YOU’RE AMAZING AND A TIIINY BIT OF YOURSELF GOTTA FLAUNT IT. You keep the chat going and ahhHhhH I don’t even know how much I want to say the fact that I appreciate you so much. Thank you thank you thank you ♡ random confession: you make me really soft because you’re so soft and i just wanna hug you until everything goes well for you

@princeminho ASFKLJASLFD MAHI! MY CEREAL BUDDY! I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WERE A actually, the fact that he was your icon should’ve told me bUT WHAT. MINHO STAN SINCE DAY ONE? WHY DID IT TAKE YOU SO LONG TO ADMIT IT AHAHHAHAHAH I’M STILL SO SHOOK. You’re so lowkey about your love for him and I feel and it’s really cute and lksadfjalsd FAVE MINHO STAN BC I DON’T FEEL LIKE I NEED TO FIGHT YOU UNLIKE SOMEONE/ Thank you for just hanging around and taking our shit and just being you—I love talking to you so much, you’re so amazing and ♡♡♡♡♡

@9traykids I give up. You can have Minho. You save me every time you send in Hyunjin photos and I cannot appreciate you enough hAH THEY’RE SO CUTE AND I JUST START SPAZZING OUT AND ALSFJDASDF that one photo where you badly edited with “i ♡ cici” I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THAT AHHHHH. stop making me cry ; - ; I love talking to you and you’re so randomly funny and laskdfjasf THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU ILY ♡♡♡♡♡

@seungchanie HI YOU AMAZING PERSON I LOVE YOU SOSOSOOSOSO MUCH YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. I’m not quite even sure how we met but it’s like one of those friendships where it feels like it’s been forever because, everything is just a blur but there are good moments, you know what I mean? Vale, I love you so much—you’re so cute and friendly and whenever we talk, I get so excited because you’re so excited and hehe aHHHHHHHH LEMME JUST HUG YOU. You’re always there and yOUR CONTENT. I LOVE YOUR CUTE LITTLE FANARTS AND THAT 3RACHA SCIFI AU WTF I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR YOUR AMAZINGNESS. You have a really simplistic style and I love it so much mwah

@hyunjinh laksdjf hi jas!! oKAY CAN I JUST SAY YOU’RE PROBABLY MY TUMBLR CRUSH BUT LIKE, WE TALKED BEFORE BUT I STILL DON’T ASLKDFJASD IDK YOU’RE REALLY COOL AND I REALLY LIKE TALKING TO YOU but idk how to keep a convo going and ahHhhHh LOWKEY BLUSHING BC I REALLY LIKE YOU HAHAH you’re really amazing and I love your blog and I hope we can become better friends hehe.

@straykidzz OKAY TBH IDEK WHEN OR HOW BUT THE FACT THAT WE NEVER HAD LIKE, A PROPER CONVERSATION and yet we act like good friends is aslkdfjasldf—maybe it’s a mutual thing hehe aHHH MANDA ILYSM AND JUST SEEING YOU ON MY DASH MAKES ME SO HAPPY. Or maybe it’s the fact that you’ve been here as long as me heheh. I hope we get to know each other better and skajflasdf W A H ♡♡♡♡♡♡ TAKE MY HEARTS

@chanbng Fishy, you. are SO AMAZING — we never seem to be on the chat at the same time but you’re so sweet and lasdfjasdlf wow i’m highkey crushin haha AHHHHHHHI JUST WANNA SAY I LOVE YOUR WORK SO MUCH AND THANKS FOR BEING YOU and i hope we get to talk more heheh

@aussieline KLASDFJALKSDF YA BIBI WE NEVER ACTUALLY HAD A REAL CONVERSATION BUT JUST, THIS MUTUAL THING WE GOT GOING ON? ILYSM YOU ARE SO AMAZING AND YOUR ARTWORK ALWAYS MAKES ME SMILE AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH we gotta talk more omg but thank you for providing my dark life with cute fanart and cute tags, you’re adorable

@jeongin-ie sup smol softie ilySM WE GOTTA START CHATTING FOR REAL OR SMTH YO which means i should be the one who sends the message but laskdfjsadf i su k but i also want to be better friends with you ; - ; hit me up with your kkt thO THEN WE CAN CHAT PLSPSPSLSPSL i hate chatting on tumblr lmao CJ, YOUR WORK IS AMAZING AND YOUR BLOG IS CUTE AND YOU’RE CUTE thanks for being you :)

@strgaykids Okay. I SAW YOUR 3K POST THING AND YOU ARE SO PRETTY I NEARLY FELL OFF MY CHAIR CONGRATS ON HITTING THE MILESTONE TOO! You make the fandom so much more fun and I love the shitposts you have TBH, I REALLY HOPE WE GET TO BECOME FRIENDS OR SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU SEEM, I was gonna say chill, but maybe lit? but that doesn’t really make anysense—tHE POINT IS: hiimciciandihopewe’lltalklaterinthefuturehehebyegottablast

@spearbin asklfjdsaldf pffffffft Camille right? YOU ARE SO TALENTED AND I JUST, LOVE YOU AS A PERSON AND SEEING YOU SPAZZ OUT IN THE TAGS IS SO CUTE and i have a highkey tumblr crush on you but like, we’ve interacted before and >///< AHHHH HIHIHI I REALLY WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND BUT I’M SUPER AWKAWRD I HIGHKEY HOPE YOU DON’T SEE THIS BUT YOU PROBABLY WILL AND PFFFFFT I’LL JUST, LEAVE NOW

@chanskitty AHHHHH DIAN HOW ARE YOU?????? I know we don’t talk as much anymore but — ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ You’re so amazing and chill and ahhhhhhhh. You are taking care of yourself right? Getting sleep? I HOPE WE GET TO TALK MORE SOON ♡ I’LL SEND A MESSAGE OR SMTH tag you in something????/// :DD

@realstraykids Did you know it took me a couple of weeks (or was it days) after following you to realize that your url is the same handle as Stray Kids’ official ig name alskfdjasdf I FACEPALMED MYSELF SO HARD LMAO — also hold on, I didn’t know you’re minho bIASED AH YESSSSSSSSSS Em. I really hope we get to know each other better beCAUSE YOU’RE SO COOL AND I LOVE YOUR EDITS SO MUCH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH They’re really different but a good kind of different and tell me your ways of sitting in front of a computer screen and masking each frame of a moving object hOW I HATE DOING THAT

@stray-k1ds hOLy cow I don’t think i actually know your name—is it Tiffany? I THINK WE FORGOT TO INTRODUCE OURSELVES—I’m Cici! AND I LOVE TALKING TO YOU YOU’RE SO CUTE AND LASKFJAAKD I love your cute little scenarios and all that and keep up the good work!!!!!!! I HOPE WE CAN BECOME BETTER FRIENDS AY

@jeongn pfft Nicolle, you actually haVEN’T DONE ANYTHING IN A WHILE THAT MADE ME WANT TO BLOCK YOU AHAHHALSFKJASLDF i still can’t get that image of tired chan and his accent coming out whAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME you can be so cool and so fREAKING TALENTED I CAN’T BELIEVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU FOLLOWS M E. I love the times we do actually talk, so! :))) I hope we become better friends ayyYyyyyYYY

@stray4419 hehehehehe i know we just started talking but Chi, you are so kindhearted and i’ve said it twice and i’ll say it again: thank you so so so much for personally offering me a shoulder to cry on haha. You have no idea how touched I was and I really can’t thank you enough. LET’S MEET UP SOMETIME AND CRY ABOUT STRAY KIDS TOGETHER YO AHHHHHHHHH

@woojinskids eASILY YOU’RE MY FAVE WOOJIN STAN M. YOU’RE SO SOFT FOR HIM AND READING YOUR TAGS FOR HIM IS SO CUTE I actually fall in love with him even more every time you talk about him aahahh I know we don’t talk as much but I really love seeing you around ♡

@chxngbins NehaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I MISS TALKING TO YOUUUUUUU and your old username not gonna lie alskdfjasdf whoops but AHHH YOU’RE SO CUTE and smart wow and asldfkjsdf I wish I was as levelheaded as you pFFT. You are so amazing and smol and i associate you with that picture of namjoon eating pizza lmao BUT AHHHH KEEP BEING YOU ILYSM

@felixsfreckles I WAS LOOKING THROUGH MY FOLLOWING LIST AND ASLKDFJASLDFK WTF I CAN’T BELIEVE I WASN’T FOLLOWING YOU THE ENTIRE TIME i feel so bad omg i’m sorry—actually hold on, are you not a felix stan anymore wH A T. but alskfa hiiiiii thanks for being amazing!!!!!!!!  idk, you’re like one of those mutuals that, I’m sorta comfortable knowing that you exist? because you are so nice and we’ve been on here for so long kinda thing haha ♡

@bunny-minsungie asfjkdhsda I KNOW OUR CHAT IS PRETTY MUCH ALL BUSINESS SOUNDING/RELATED NOW BUT I JUST WANNA TAKE THE TIME TO SAY THANK YOU FOR BEING AMAZING and doing so much ; - ; Now that I think about it, we don’t even talk about anything else noooooooo but I really appreciate you Lys ♡ and that demon!hyunjin au is seriously taking over me omf

@bbang-channie Dude Leah, you are so cool omg—you’re so inviting and fun to talk to and AHHHHH I REALLY HOPE WE GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER BECAUSE LKSDJAFLSDF FROM THE SHORT TIME WE’VE TALKED VIA GCs, I love it  ; - ; UGH I FEEL SO BAD FOR NOT KNOWING WHAT ELSE TO SAY BUT!!! I APPRECIATE YOU BUDDY!!  

@seoracha I KNOW YOU’RE NOT EVEN HERE ANYMORE but i just wanna say you the craziest triple biaser i’ve met probably the only triple biaser i know and honestly idek how your brain works but lmao miri you’re so cool ily

@utlwoojisung @kim-squishmin @doublekn0t @chanyeolsidepiece @vallkyr @hi-hello32 @sparklingthoughtss @straykidding @indiepoptime @f3lix-lee @ultchris @maaatryoshka @straykidsstan @softlix OKOK I KNOW WE’VE TALKED BEFORE/ARE MESSAGING/SOMEHOW INTERACTED AND YOU SEEM COOL but alksdfsd like, I don’t know you guys as well bUT I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU ALL TOO AND I HOPE WE CAN GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER! :))

Ummmm, here are people that I follow and don’t really know but uhhhh ihopewegettotalkonedayahahiwantmorefriendsandyouguysseemreallycooltotalktoahhh @jicue @chans97 @cosychans @lees-minho @leefelixs @chngbins @changbinsplushie @starrykids @softstraykids @sprearb @stray-keeds-in-yo @straykeeds @hyuunjins @bvian @straybros @straykidsmp3 @straykiz @straybabies @stkids @1straykids @felixeslee @jeonginie @jeongin @str4y-kids @bchanies @changbln

[nerdy-pixel-girl]

Rant

*PLEASE READ IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO MY WATCHERS AND FRIENDS*

I have my reasons for posting here instead.

Guys..I am really, really sorry..

I absolutely hate the new "DA" and I will explain why.

But first, I really missed you guys. ;_;

I'm not sure if anyone noticed, I was falsely suspended for 2 weeks, no it is not at all drama related, no one reported me.

( I can prove it if need be, but not on DA )

You guys know how I'm always browsing around DA groups and such and I always come across Pedophilia, Porn and other content that I will report, either to be removed, or if it's unfiltered to get it tagged.

( The mods ask that in their rules, that we report ALL content like that, they will not remove it without reports )

I give the mods explanations and or proof of my claims so that they can understand it better if needed, I'm fairly polite to them.

Thankfully I got several accounts suspended or in trouble, that were posting illegal and disgusting content, and I never had a single issue in my near decade on DA like this, I have never been suspended nor banned.

So, as some of you guys know, my report tool randomly disappeared a while ago, for no reason with no explanation, only an automated ( lazy ) message about how it was suspended.

I emailed them, got no reply for a while, then I got sick of waiting..

I did use an alt to report some pedophilia and the like several days later on, I tried to avoid such content but I ended up seeing some anyways.

Yes, it may seem stupid to risk my account to report something, but I'm still glad I did it as long as it was removed, as seeing 10-14 year old characters having orgies and being raped, molested, and the like did not sit well with me at all, so I reported the many pieces, and went to bed.

I was out all day the next day, and I was feeling okay, several hrs later I got online, turned on YT and listened to some music, a few mins later I turned on DA and got physically sick..I was confused, hurt and very upset.

So I checked my email, I had a message regarding reporting, they literally treated me as a liar and a spammer, I NEVER lied in my reports about art, they never even told me 'how I lied' nor gave any examples..all of this is regarding art reporting, I am no spammer either, I don't report every single day and the staff is not obligated to remove every single thing at once, every person who talked to me about this has called them 'lazy' and I agree completely.

Most people don't even report, and I'm doing good for the community so you should be thankful like wth??

I have been reporting things for yrs, never had a single issue, so it's either a new rule or they're just full of it. :/ I did make a few minor mistakes in some of my reports which can be SEEN as lies but they weren't, like accidentally typing the wrong info on the wrong report from being so flustered and having several tabs open at once.

( I told them that after the fact, they ignored me )

BTW they never even asked if the alt was mine, just bc it was the same IP they banned it with NO confirmation or anything, my siblings, two of them have DA accounts though one left DA, and the other hardly uses it, and they never gave me any kind of warning and I have seen people do major things on this site and either nothing ever happened, OR they got WARNINGS.

( I don't even have my name on the alt, which shows you how dense they are to assume. )

I report art, pedophilia and porn that isn't allowed on DA, and magically I'M the bad guy???

( Both accounts were suspended for two weeks, I think my report tool was suspended for two weeks, then changed to a month..which is bs )

Oh, but it's TOTALLY okay for me to be stalked, harassed, have people block evade to harass me further, to be death/rape/hack threatened, sexually harassed,  and more, and even have people send me virus links which counts as a major crime on DA but NOTHING happened EVER even with hundreds of pieces of proof, if not more!

O_o They're ass backwards and have no idea what they're doing, removing a report tool in it's self is beyond stupid, what if you see REAL pedophilia and no one else would/could report it?? like what is the point of removing the tool, so you don't have to do your job??

( A report tool does GOOD for the community, not bad! people falsely report art, but if they do just ignore them OR give them a warning, if they don't listen suspend THEM, not innocent people!! )

If they 'have a limit' which I do not believe as I've never seen it and there is no limit where it literally stops you from reporting, ENFORCE one instead of being dicks to people, oh yes others have been suspended because of this stupid shit, I don't know names I just talked to people..PS, there is a limit on how many helpdesk reports you can make a day, AKA reporting PEOPLE, but there is no such thing for the art.

I honestly feel they're 'too bothered' to just do their job, I can talk about it freely especially considering it's offsite so they can't do anything to me. :'D

I just feel completely awful that I had to be away from you guys for so long, I couldn't sleep at first, then it got easier..but I felt so dang awful bc I owed art, was chatting with you guys, and the like..only to have some jerks try to ruin things for me over opinions, not facts.

The only thing I 'did wrong' was use an alt, BUT I never did anything wrong in the first place to 'be wrong'?? they even sent me the same message THREE times for two different problems, and each time it was an automated one.... ._. THAT should prove right there how lazy they are.

( Twice on DA, once in an email )

Ever since they've been bought out this shit has happened, the majority of the staff is garbage, the only helpful ones I can think of do like COPPA reports, chat about art, do contests and other fun things for DA.

I hope this never happens again, if you have any questions or would like to add me else where note me!

I don't ever want to lose you guys..OTL the thought of it majorly depressed me..

At least I got a ton of new art done in the mean time..;_; but still..

Sorry this is so long, and sorry if I worried anyone, I'm okay..I'll post more normal updates later on DA, I love you guys so much. ;///;

Try to be careful with DA, they're banning innocent people for no reason and leaving the evil people around..

Please let me know any good news in your lives I'd love to hear it!!

( Comment on my Status not Tumblr please, this is just for you guys on DA )

God bless, I hope you'll all be okay.

[sweetlysilent]

Secrets Pt. 2

Requested By: @timmers18

I used some prompts from this prompt list linked here

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Description: Queens had been an active crime space for the past few months, Spider-Man was constantly fighting against a newbie of a villain that wouldn’t stop causing chaos, they both despised each other, or so they thought.

Warnings: Some swearing, also, if you get uncomfortable with alley scenes then skip the first half of the story, I know it can be triggering to some people :((

Word Count: 2,039

A/N: Hey guys, so it’s actually been a while since I’ve really written anything, so I hope this doesn’t suck that bad haha. Anyways, thanks for loving Secrets so much and wanting a part two, I love it a lot also. :))) Enjoy :)))

Tags: @thebrilliantbean @my-love-treasure @twenty-two-airplanes @rosaetum @maddy13245 @shayx5 [ if your user is crossed out tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you bc it’s annoying af sorry xx ]

Friendly PSA: Please do not steal my writing without my permission, or flat out steal it at all. It’s super disrespectful and 100% plagiarism. So, if you’re someone who does steal other peoples’ work, think about what you’re doing before you hit that copy button. Thank you!

Queens Latest News: Breaking News, an anonymous source has gotten word that the villain of Queens is a lot more dangerous than they let on. Recent sources have said that this villain is out for revenge, for blood. Nobody knows why this sick person is out to get everyone, but one thing is for sure, stay observant to your surroundings, keep a weapon of some sort to protect yourself at all costs, you never know when they could attack.

You finished scrolling down the article, rolling your eyes, this writer was out of their mind, they made you seem like a monster, which in a way you were, but all for good reason.

Nobody knew you were the villain of Queens, nobody also knew why you were the villain in general, it wasn’t something that was simple to talk about, exactly why you never did.

Even Ned and Peter didn’t know the story, that’s how deep and personal this situation was, it was traumatic, it was scarring, life changing, and it sure as hell changed you.

It happened about a year ago, you had just turned seventeen, your mother finally allowing you to walk alone by yourself, needless to say she was overprotective and paranoid, but for good reason.

You were walking home from dinner, you had gone to this cute little Thai restaurant a few blocks down, something you had done quite frequently, except this time it was different.

It all happened so fast, one minute you were walking down the street, the next thing you knew your body was being slammed against a brick wall, your head aching from the impact, your body shaking in fear.

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing out so late?” The drunk man grinned, his breath reeking of alcohol as you flinched away.

“Lets have some fun shall we?” He smiled menacingly, as you screamed out for help, only to receive a hit to the face, making you cry out in pain.

It was this moment you knew what was going to happen, you couldn’t believe that nobody was coming to help you, that Spider-Man wasn’t going to save you.

You did your best to scream for help again, kicking and screaming all you could, your voice growing tired and sore.

“Shut up you little bitch!” The man would shout, hitting you again as you fell to the ground, shaking and crying.

You were going to die, this was it, this is how your life would end, and nobody would know.

The man had grabbed your arms, yanking you back up, slamming you back into the bricks, and then you weren’t sure what happened, but the man had flown back, hitting the brick wall in front of you.

“What the hell!” He shouted, as you stared at him in shock, but mainly confusion.

Did you just do that?

And then out of nowhere you felt it, this swarm of energy, power, overtake your body, and before you knew it, he was dead, your power growing stronger.

That was the night, the night that changed your life, you made it your goal to kill people that didn’t belong to live, that made it their goal in life to harm others for no good reason.

But mainly you were angry, full of hate and sadness, that nobody came to save you, that nobody cared, that Spider-Man himself, the hero of Queens didn’t come to save you at the time you needed him most.

So, that is why you became the villain, however, in your mind you weren’t a villain, you were a survivor, someone that decided to dedicate their life to protecting others from situations like that.

But that’s not how people saw it, they just saw you as a killer, someone that enjoyed causing pain and chaos, which in a way was true, since you were hurt, you were scarred, and when Spider-Man decided to show up after the incident to fight you, you snapped.

“Y/N, are you alright? You’ve been zoned out for the past fifteen minutes.” Ned waved his hand in front of your face, making you snap out of your thoughts.

You gave a sheepish smile to him and Peter, who both had concerned looks on their faces, making your eyebrows furrow in confusion, until you glanced down at your hand, seeing the food smashed in your hand.

“Oh, shit.” You muttered, cleaning up your hand, then throwing out your tray.

“You’ve been acting off since yesterday, are you sure everything is alright?” Peter questioned, searching your eyes to make sure you weren’t lying.

“I’m fine, just haven’t gotten much sleep is all.” You’d shrug, avoiding eye contact, which made Peter look at you suspiciously.

What were you hiding?

“Alright well, if you need anything let us know okay?” Peter smiled slightly, as you nodded in response.

If only they knew the real reason why you got no sleep.

The lunch bell soon rang, you were on your way to your locker, when a hand grabbed your arm, swinging you around.

You were met with those famous brown eyes, ones you loved.

“Hey, I just wanted to make sure you were really alright, last night I couldn’t help but notice you had a few bruises.” Peter looked at you concerned, making your eyes widen.

“Oh uhm, it’s no big deal, its just a few scratches.” You’d reply, shrugging as you continued to search through your locker.

“Y/N, seriously, what’s going on?” Peter sighed, pushing your locker door open so he could see you.

This made you annoyed, you let out a huff, turning to face him.

“Are you really one to talk Parker? I’m not the only one acting weird here, don’t think I didn’t notice how you stopped wearing glasses, or that you have become more confident, or that you too had bruises last night.” You fired at him, making him shift nervously, avoiding eye contact with you.

“That’s what I thought.” You’d mutter, slamming your locker shut, before walking away, leaving Peter stunned, his thoughts racing.

That night it was strange, you felt powerful, you were killing people left and right, yet you didn’t know why exactly, you hadn’t done that in a while, but tonight, tonight just felt right, you were filled with rage.

“Sorry to interrupt but you need to move your hands away from him before we have a problem.” You heard the all to familiar voice speak, as you glanced over at the masked hero.

You looked at the man, before looking at Spider-Man himself, your eyes darkening by the second.

“I want you to see, what I felt.” You growled out, and before you knew it, the man was dead, and Spider-Man had to watch in horror.

“You’re sick.” He choked out, but you on the other hand felt great, now he knew how you felt that night.

“Not a nice feeling is it.” You shot at him, making his eyes on his mask grow small in confusion.

“I don’t know why you’re doing this, but you’re going to stop, now.” Spider-Man shouted, webbing you and flying you up to a rooftop.

You groaned, standing up and facing the hero, who was sending you daggers through their mask.

“Do you think I like doing what I do? That I want to spend my time every night out here killing people?” You shouted, your voice slightly cracking, surprising Spider-Man.

“Then why do you do it!” He shouted, his hands waving in the air.

“Because! Because if anyone could have saved me, it would have been you, but you didn’t, the famous hero didn’t even come to save me when I needed him most.” You shouted, anger flowing through your veins, tears forming behind your own mask.

Spider-Man stared at you in shock, he never knew this, hell, he didn’t even know who you really were.

“I-I’m s-sorry..” He whispered, which only made you laugh bitterly, sending chills down his spine.

“You left me to die, so I did what I had to, to survive.” You growled, pacing back and forth.

“And then I made it my job to protect people, to keep them safe from horrible people like that.” You covered your face with your hands, a sob escaping your lips.

“Everyone has a breaking point, and that night, I hit mine.” You choked out, sitting on the ground as Spider-Man stood there watching you intently.

And then it was all slowly starting to sink it, so much of this villain reminded him of you and then it all started to make sense to him.

You had been acting so off lately, and then seeing the bruises on your face that you tried to cover up, or the way you’d disappear randomly and then show back up just like he would, always coming up with some random excuse, it was all making sense, it was all coming together, the villain of Queens.

It was you.

[calumcest]

hello my dearest helen. nen scheiß darfst du 😌 i might love you a lot but i will fight you about soulmate au's honour. (also if you think about abandoning this fic - or britpop - i will fly to the uk and scream at you until you continue)

i have been crying about your note for days. you're so kind and i'm very glad my fic comments could bring you some joy (i'm currently rereading britpop btw so expect a new one in a couple of days) and that you thought of me is like !! idek i can't explain it but existing in your consciousness outside of tumblr/ao3 is madness to me 🙈

und ich liebe es wirklich so sehr wenn du was auf deutsch schreibst und keine sorge ich weiß selber nich ob deutsch da groß oder klein geschrieben wird aber ich finde auch groß- und kleinschreibung sollte einfach abgeschafft werden. oh und deine handschrift ist sehr schön nur etwas schwer zu lesen 😅

i'm doing real bad tbh but just hearing from you gave me such a serotonin boost you really cannot possibly understand how nice it is that you're back 💕 how's your masters going? also what exactly is your masters? and how's life in general? i would like updates if you feel like it 😊

oh also since you reblogged that ask: i randomly remember the "all hell breaks lose" line from britpop simply bc even though i expected it to happen like that i was so mad about that cliffhanger and it still haunts me. also. every single time you referenced noel writing songs just is continuously at the back of my head bc i both hate and love you for that. and you can really expect me to be randomly thinking about soulmate au and holyverse at all times not specific lines but just those fics in their entirety -spoiler twin

ok firstly holy shit since when can asks be this long...this is incredibly sexy i love thsi for us also since when can u make text small in asks...please teach me this power (also i have 6k of the next chapter of britpop!! if i can get my shit together it will hopefully be posted in the next couple of days) 

!!!! youre SO cute of COURSE i literally adore you i cant even tell you on my big ol break from tumblr how many times i thought about you and when you started commenting on my fics again i was like !! like you do cross my mind you exist outside of these asks very much so <3 (also i am SO excited for that honestly...) 

!! sogar wenn mein deutsch so schlecht ist wie jetzt?? aber HONESTLY ffs es ist so BLÖD aus WELCHEM grund müssen nomen großgeschrieben werden. AUS WELCHEM GRUND!!!!!!!!!!! es ist aber irgendwie ganz nett mit dir deutsch zu sprechen? fühlt sich irgendwie wie eine geheime sprache obwohl wir nicht die einzigen deutschsprachigen sind skdjfbskdjf und DANKE ich weiß dass meine handschrift total unleserlich ist aber wenn sie auch schön ist dann kann ich damit leben <3 

:(( i’m so sorry to hear that is there anything i can do? (more wilde kerle au?) but honestly if there’s anything i can do for you at all i’m always here i really hope things improve for you soon <3 thank u for asking!! my masters...She Is Stressful. She Is. i’m studying history of science medicine and technology and i actually only wanted to be studying history of medicine so i already dont care about like half my course and secondly its FUCKING SO SCIENTIFIC and SO PHILOSOPHICAL we spent half an  hour the other day debating whether you can ever learn something if you dont already know it. WHATTTTTTTT i hate philosophy so much however ive made some really good friends here which has been really lovely! its been shite recently since we had lockdown 2 and the tier system so all ive really been able to do w people is go on walks but you know it be how it be 

!!!!!!!!!! mate i literally remember writing that line like HEE HEE that was the scene i was writing the entire fic for i got to that line and the scene after and then i was like Ah my job is finished the fic is over i dont know what to writ enext ksfjbjwhebfwe also !!!!! thats so cute i wkll possibly try and write more soulmate au over xmas but i cannot promise u anything but britpop is defnitely on the way 6k down 2k to go <3 

[monotype-on-phantom]

i didnt want to say this before but man.. Danny kind of.. sucks, at least in the heart of canon. i get that he's young and learns "Those Valuable Lessons" and but people dont acknowledge most of this douchebag's shitty antics cause he's a cute boy or whatever. although Danny has a very excellent premise for a character, he is sincere sometimes, but overall its not executed well. he falls into too many awful high school tropes

i guess im glad people are making use of his character premise by reading too closely than the show intended, or by making content of their own interpretations. but we cant ignore that he is quite a goddamned piece of hell shit who i fucking hate in the real show sometimes. i feel there’s just too much emphasis on a character and show that wasn’t well crafted and well managed to begin with. its kinda sad when all the hate is somehow directed towards other characters like Sam.

it feels like most people are praising him and the overall show for what they imagine it to be instead of what it actually is. srsly this awful goddamned fuckboy sells stuff garage lab items he aint supposed to just to buy some fucking clothes??? uses ghost powers to spy girls in their locker room?? he fuckin destroys ghost writer’s writing and then doesnt feel sorry about it just cause it’s christmas-related and he’s so pissy about it.

so.. yeah. i dont get why people think he’s literal kid Jesus and always wants to protect this little fucker. he puts himself in alot of mess. the “D” on his suit stands for “dick”, bc that’s what he is.  i want to beat him up sometimes

Okay.

Normally, I delete all character hate on sight, because the point of my blog is to focus on the show’s strengths and how the weaknesses could’ve been done better. I get critical sometimes, but I like focusing on a characters’ strengths rather than their poor writing and garbage like that.

This was so long, detailed, and harsh that it’s really hard to ignore. Maybe I should. Stick to my guns and not let some anonymous rant change how I work. You came to me, though, so if you want to debate this, then alright. I’ll bite.

First off, who in the fandom is portraying Danny as a kid Jesus? Maybe it’s just the circles I’m familiar with, but one of the most reblogged posts that pops up in my notifications is one with a ton of additions arguing why Danny totally deserves to suffer. The majority of the fandom loves tormenting this kid. Even those that do say he needs to be protected never claim he has no flaws. Far from it. They just acknowledge he has it hard for a kid and he deserves a break sometimes.

Second, have you ever…met a 14 year old? As someone who spent most of his career life working with kids and who is the oldest of 5 (with one brother who’s turning 14 this November), lemme tell you that the main trio are saints for their age.

People talk about the terrible twos, but 14 year olds are so much worse. I’m not slamming them, because it makes sense. They’re in a tough transition period between childhood and adulthood. Adults tell them to act more mature, but refuse to acknowledge their voices in serious situations. Middle school and high school are cutthroat places, and one mistake can ruin the entirety of the four-six years you spend there. They’re pressured to get good grades or they’ll fail, they have to be part of the cool crowd or they’ll fail, and people are more likely to blame them for whatever goes wrong in their lives than anything that goes on around them.

Doesn’t change the fact that they can be little demons sometimes. With all the hormones and drama, young teenagers can be really emotional and make problems bigger than they seem. They can be harsh and judgmental, because that’s the environment they’re being exposed to. They need guidance, but they don’t want it. They argue with adults and to some, it seems like they want to make their own lives miserable. They can be tough to work with unless you’re willing to take them as seriously as they take themselves, and most people don’t want to bother.

There are shitty things Danny does in canon, but that’s true for literally every fourteen year old. And heck, are you telling me you didn’t do some ridiculously stupid stuff at that age? I actually stole money from my folks to buy something I wanted. My group of friends frequently set stuff on fire in their backyards. And fuck, nobody can prove Danny was spying on girls in the locker room. While I think the scene is shit and refuse to accept it as canon, all we see is Danny coming out of the locker room. He could’ve been just looking to see what it was like in there. Nothing says there were actually girls in there. But I’m so sick of talking about that shit scene, so I’m gonna leave it at that.

Danny has flaws. He can be selfish and petty and inconsiderate. But really? You wanna beat him up for that?

Are you forgetting that he canonically already does get beaten up every single episode? Whether it’s by ghosts, bullies, his own goddam parents, or whatever, getting beat up is something he’s familiar with.

The reason some fans cut him some slack is because, hey, yeah. He is a kid, and you know what? He’s entitled to be a dick sometimes. He loses sleep every night, almost dies on a daily basis, has his dreams ripped away from him often, and is picked on at school. Despite all of that, he still fights ghosts to keep his town safe, and he’s under no obligation to do that. He saves lives, even when people hate him for it. He puts himself in danger, even for those who are cruel to him. He tries to use his powers for the right reason more often than not, and he’ll take the high road against his bully because he feels like he shouldn’t stoop to his level.

We acknowledge that canon can be shit. We acknowledge that sometimes, Danny’s writing makes him out to be a dick. At the “heart of canon,” though, as you so eloquently put it, he’s the kid who risked his life for a little girl he barely knew that nobody else would miss. He’s the one who saves the lives of his own bully, the teacher who used to be so hard on him, and the parents he fully believes would cut him open if they knew what he was. He’s the one who could so easily be Vlad, but instead he tries his best to be a hero.

You’re under no obligation to like him, and you don’t have to ignore the shitty parts of canon like some of us do. I do it just because I enjoy thinking about what the show could’ve been, not what it was. You don’t have to do that, though.

But really, are you going to march into your nearest high school and beat the shit out of the first kid you see messing up? Seriously? You honestly think that the mistakes Danny makes outweigh the good he’s constantly trying to do enough that he deserves that? Even when he already gets beat up in every single episode already?

Well, fine. That’s your pessimistic opinion. It’s not fact, though. How many cartoons do you watch? You gonna beat up Timmy Turner and Jimmy Neutron, too? They can be right assholes. What about Jake Long? He’s a shallow, obnoxious, irresponsible kid a lot of the time. Sure, he’s just 13, but why should we show mercy to kids who mess up? Serena/Usagi from Sailor Moon? Yeah, let’s ignore all the people defending her and just focus on the fact that the show makes her a dumb kid who doesn’t have enough backbone to immediately become the savior of the galaxy. Come to think of it, where’s your rant about Dash Baxter? Or is he not popular enough for you to rag on?

Perfect characters aren’t the ones who are the most upstanding. They’re the ones who are realistic and flawed. So Danny sells his parents stuff. So he sneaked into the girls’ locker room. So he took out his anger on an innocent person.

I’m not saying any of those things weren’t wrong, what I’m saying is that kids make fucking mistakes. And sometimes, they’re huge ones. Sometimes, kids get curious and break into a house. Sometimes they get hungry at the store and shoplift. Sometimes they lie and cheat and make fun of each other. Sometimes they can be perverted little leaches.

So fucking what? We’ve all been there. We all need to learn and grow.

And seriously, if you’re going to be one of those people who gives Sam a break, don’t turn around and start criticizing Danny for the same shitty writing he sometimes gets. That hypocrisy is exactly why I so adamantly defend Sam.

I don’t know what you wanted to accomplish with these asks. Maybe you just wanted to vent. Maybe you were looking to stir up drama. Maybe you don’t know what you wanted and you just sent these asks randomly without any real reason.

Regardless of what you think, I’m still gonna enjoy my fucking fictional character, even if I don’t always agree with how he’s written. I relate to him, his struggles, and even his mistakes. You have fun ripping on characters people like because you don’t think they should be allowed to make mistakes, but let the rest of us have our fun, too. You’re not helping anyone with this, so maybe just fuck off, m’kay?

Being stupidly nice is kind of my thing, but I’m tired of putting up with this self righteous crap. Let characters fuck up. Let fans rewrite things they don’t like. Let people enjoy their fucking cartoon, because they aren’t hurting anyone. I’ve yet to find a single phan who considers the DP cartoon to be completely canon anyway. They enjoy it for the fan content or the few really spot on episodes. We’re already aware that there’s shitty stuff in there, and we don’t need you to tell us.

If I ever get any asks like this that rip on characters for stupid, petty reasons again, I’m deleting them on sight. That was my initial plan anyway, but I really needed to say my piece here.

Tumblr, maybe stop being such judgmental pieces of fucking shit, okay? You’ll accomplish nothing good by being so harsh toward anything that doesn’t fit your standard of “perfect.”

[clary-jace]

a-z :D

ohh alright anon we’re just gonna go there and do all of them!!! alright!!! let’s do this!!! 

A: Your current OTP. 

well, as y’all know i’m always on my rucas shipping bullshit because i’m me and i’m literally always thinking about them, but i’m also currently really into glenn/maggie, like i’ve shipped them for years but i’m in a Mood™ with them recently, so i’d say them. 

(gonna continue these under the cut bc this is probs gonna be long) 

B: A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind. 

this isn’t necessarily true anymore bc i kind of don’t care abt any ships from this universe and i stopped watching all these shows but back in the Day aka like 2014, i was watching arrow and the flash and phoebe ( @justiceleague2017dirzacksnyder ) turned me into a barry/felicity shipper. 

C: A pairing you wish you shipped, but just can't. 

there are very few ships that i actively wished that i shipped but a lot of the time i wish that i shipped a ship that was more popular in a lot of my fandoms, like i like the pairing itself but i wish that just ONCE i could ship the most popular ship in a fandom for all the content 

D: What was the first thing you ever contributed to a fandom? 

looking back on my ff.net account, which was my first Online account, the first thing i ever contributed to any fandom was a sonny with a chance fanfiction back in july of 2009. 

E: Have you added anything stupid/cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what? 

ajflkdasf i definitely have, i have this han solo edit that was kind of my first “cracky” edit that i ever posted and then i have the best post i ever made (my riley “look what you made me do” edit) and i also think my girl meets world incorrect quotes would also fall under this category 

F: What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? What fandom was it? 

hm, i would maybe say the walking dead? i’ve considered myself part of the fandom for like 3 years even tho there was a solid like 9 months where i didn’t post any original content, i’ve been a fan for a long time and have plenty of original content to show for my time in the fandom 

G: What was your first fandom? 

honestly?? probably like late 2000s disney/nick shows ajkfldjasf, that’s what all my earliest fandom contributions are for and considering i was joining the internet fandoms at like age 13, it makes sense 

H: Do you prefer real-life TV shows or animated TV shows? 

real life! the only animated show i’ve ever been super into is bob’s burgers, which is like my favorite show of all time, but most of my other favorite shows are real life, not animated. 

I: Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why? 

tumblr has never ruined an entire tv show fandom for me but it’s definitely ruined ships/shipping fandoms for me, like a lot of times if a shipping fandom is really like rude towards one of my favorite characters that’ll make me stop being a fan of that ship/that ship fandom.

J: Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr. 

tbh most fandoms that i join, i join them because of tumblr like i distinctly remember the walking dead being all over my tumblr and originally having no desire to watch it but all the gifs and edits that i saw made me really interested eventually so i caved and watched it. the same kind of goes for girl meets world too. 

K: How do you feel about the other people in your current fandom(s). 

I HAVE TO SAY that most people in the rucas fandom are pretty wonderful and all things considered the rucas fandom is probably the nicest shipping fandom i’ve ever been in like obviously there are sour apples in every fandom, but most rucas shippers are pretty sweet, i will also say that i’ve never met a mean gleggie shipper which i’m Thankful for. 

L: Your favorite fanartist/author gives you one request, what do you ask for? 

considering my favorite gifmaker AND fanfic author is maggie @friarlucas aka my bestie, i like to think that i have more than one request BUT if i only had one and am not allowed to request the next chapter of atlp, i would request a follow up to her hp au fic where lucas fell off his broom 

M: A person who got you into a fandom and what fandom they pulled you in to. 

at the beginning of our friendship, samantha @jakeamys kinda pulled me into the dylan o’brien fandom tbh, that’s really the only time i can think of something like that happening tho 

N: Your favorite fandom (for the people; not the thing you fangirl over). 

HONESTLY probably the gleggie fandom, when i was more firmly in that fandom every single person that i met was an angel and i also have to say that i always felt like most gleggie shippers loved both glenn and maggie and truly just wanted to see them together and just genuinely loved their scenes and that’s all you can ask for which i love, i hope all my gleggie shippers out there are doing well bc i love them all 

O: Choose a song at random, what ship does it remind you of? 

i’m sorry i can’t think of any song randomly ajfkljdaf i’m really bad at questions like this i’m sorry i failed you 

P: Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas). 

OK so an au i’ve had on my mind for like a week that i have yet to post abt is a zombie apocalypse au for riley and lucas where the apocalypse happens when they’re in college (+ dating long distance) so riley is in nyc and lucas is in texas so obviously they have no way to contact each other and they’re really far apart and they have no idea if the other one is still alive and then like a year or two into the apocalypse riley is living at this community/camp and one day lucas randomly shows up bc like he was wandering around the area and ended up getting hurt and needed help and he has no idea riley is there and wow they reunite and it’s beautiful 

Q: A ship you’ve abandoned and why. 

i used to be really into riley and maya and i just kind of lost interest in them, i realized that i just didn’t like them as much as i thought i did so i don’t really consider myself a shipper of them anymore 

R: A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships.  

i don’t know if i’m necessarily the Only shipper but i feel like i’m one of the few people who ships zay and lucas romantically, same goes for maggie and sasha like i don’t think i’m the only one but i’m one of the few that’s for sure 

S: What's a headcanon you have? 

i literally have been sitting here for like 10 minutes trying to come up with a hc but like i can’t think of anything i’m so sorry anon for failing you i’ll try and do better next time 

T: What are your favorite male/male ships or female/female ships? 

i’ll admit that i don’t have many m/m ships but i really love zay/lucas (girl meets world) and adam/ronan (the raven cycle), as for f/f ships i love maggie/sasha (the walking dead), riley/smackle (girl meets world), malia/lydia (teen wolf) and spencer/emily (pretty little liars) 

U: What are your favorite male/female ships? 

my top five m/f ships are riley/lucas (girl meets world), glenn/maggie (the walking dead), han/leia (star wars), matt/julie (friday night lights) and rich/grace (skins) 

V: Do you have any 3-way ships? If so, what?

riley/lucas/zay!!!! the ot3 we were robbed of!!!!!!!!!!! they’re really all i can think of tho. 

W: 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms. 

riley matthews (girl meets world), maggie greene (the walking dead), julie taylor (friday night lights), han solo (star wars) and spencer hastings (pretty little liars) 

X: 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms. 

riley/lucas (girl meets world), glenn/maggie (the walking dead), han/leia (star wars) 

Y: A fandom you’re in but have no ships from. 

i truthfully ship in pretty much any fandom that i’m in but i would say that i have pretty much no ships when it comes to bob’s burgers like, obviously, i love bob and linda but like outside of that i don’t really “ship” anything???

Z: What's a ship that you want to ship publicly, but everyone on tumblr hates it so you keep your mouth shut about it?

i literally can’t think of anything for this one??? like yeah tumblr hates a lot of my ships but i’m also not like ashamed of any of them so like???? i can’t say there’s anything that i don’t talk abt shipping if that makes any sense 

[bcydbeaulieu]

for @kahlilravishans, my wife’s, bday || part 8 of 8

ok so this is it… the end. this was going to be second but i thought why not end with this. this is where it is going to get a bit emotional… so if you don’t want to hear all the gay that i am about to say then just look at the pretty edit. emily you are not allowed to skip this so buckle up babe… because you know how i can get when i decide i want to gift you some words… ok here we go!

ok so funny story… i wasn’t gonna start out this way but i was going through the early days of our tag and well i wished you a happy bday a year ago.. specifically while you were trying to get through interludes. so can you believe its been a fucking year since icos and our 12 hours skype sessions. those were the days were our relationship grew from “still had some chill” to “are you sure you two aren’t dating” so damn that book series. but seriously just needed to point that out. now here comes my incoherent babbling about how much i love you and how much you really mean to me. 

so, i’m pretty sure everyone knows the story of how me and emily met. god knows we talk about it enough. but it wouldn’t be an emotional emily and laura post if i don’t mention it so lol. i remember it, that february day, oh god. so she idk follows me or finds my blog and at the time i had a neil url and she just starts yelling at me on the chat. that stupid fucking messaging system. and of course i just start screaming back. and in the back of my mind i’m thinking how do i get this nerd girl to keep talking to me about our foxes and really i didn’t have to do much bc we exchanged numbers (she made me get a whatsapp) the next hour. and guys look.. i didn’t do this type of stuff before. i randomly talked to people and the only person i kept in contact with was my irlbff. so emily was not a normal occurrence. but anyways she asked if she could call and my heart was like beating out of my chest cause omfg what the fuck but of course i said yes and that’s how i find myself outside mid day on a february in texas walking around my front yard, my backyard, and yelling about literally everything we had in common at the time. 

now, i thought this girl is awesome and every part of me wanted to keep talking to her but i just knew that we’d talk for a month a few at max and then you know that thing would happen where you just lost connection, even tho i felt like i had just found like part of my soul. 

not what happened. the next week or couple of weeks we had our first skype session.. it lasted 6 hours yall. like who does that with someone they just met. fast forward to late august of 2016 and there we are getting into icos against our better judgement and there its kind of history. with our 12 hour skype sessions. and us eating dinner and breakfast together on opposite ends of the world and in complete different timezones. and i don’t know if something just clicked then cause we were already too close for our situation. but after that it was like i knew that this wasn’t some fluke this was real. and i HAD found a part of my soul. and god that’s cheesy but it’s fucking true. i’d run to the end of the world for this girl. and i’d do it multiple times. 

so that’s part of the story i guess. but i’m not done talking and emily i’m sorry babe but you know how i get i’m gonna write some more here so really buckle up. 

when i say i love you emily, i truly mean it with every part of me. i’ve never had a relationship like i have with you and the ones i had that came close don’t even touch to what we have. you’re so much more than my best friend and i don’t have a word for it and i don’t think words could justify it. but you keep my world spinning sometimes and then others you can make it stop. you are my rock when i need someone to ground me. you are the light in my life when i can’t seem to even get one positive thought in my mind. you support me through everything that i do and truly believe that i can be great at my career and in life in general. and i don’t know where i would be without you. 

you’re a good listener. you give great advice. and sometimes you just help me to stop thinking. you do so much for me and i hope that on the flipside i’m doing everything that i can for you. our relationship isn’t perfect and i’m glad it isn’t im glad that we can talk as honestly as we do and that we don’t keep anything from each other. and sometimes i’m amazed at how honest we can be bc so much of our relationship is over text or phone and its so easy to not say things when you’re not in person. but i would never let myself not be fully myself with you and that comes down to even the parts of me that i don’t want anyone to see. 

i’m also so happy that i’m the person that you talk to even when you don’t want to talk to anyone. i can’t believe i’m that person for someone, that person that even when the world is too much i’m not. that you trust me enough to be that person… it means… literally everything to me. 

you are always the highlight of my day, your snaps, texts, stupid messages, emojis, the fact that we’re each others screensavers. god that is freakin gay wow. i wanted to go through posts and like remember our relationship for the PAST YEAR AND A HALF CAN YOU BELIEVE LOL. but haa its like 55 pages and i don’t think i could summarize the best points cause they’re all just so good. we’re fucking legendary sometimes, you know. god this is a mess. this girl knew there was a hurricane happening in texas before i could tell her and has been the most dramatic about it. so if that says anything. 

“Perhaps it is true that we do not really exist until there is someone there to see us existing, we cannot properly speak until there is someone who can understand what we are saying in essence, we are not wholly alive until we are loved.”

This quote, this fucking quote ok wow. like ya do shit for yourself and you can create your own happiness blah blah like cool but babe sometimes you are the thing that makes me feel alive. and knowing that there is someone out there that loves me as much as i’m 100% you do keeps me going day to day. i’d swim across the damn fucking ocean for you. and one day we’ll get to see each other in person and it’ll probably be the best damn time of our lives and i can’t fucking wait for it bc it’s gonna happen. and we’re gonna road trip with son and yell at each other about music and scream in person about our favorite characters and spend hours reading together and probably some times on our computers not talking, bc honestly half our skype sessions are us just silently soaking in each other’s company and i wouldn’t change that for the world. 

you are without a doubt one of the most important people in my life, if not the most important and i can’t explain how it feels to have someone that knows me as well as you do and to have that in return with you. i love that as our relationship has grown it’s gone from we have all these things in common in fandom to we have certain fandom things in common but our lives are intertwined and even if we had nothing like that in common it wouldn’t matter. i know you have class on wednesday, i know you can’t skype in the early hours of morning but you will take my call. i know you live in the middle of nowhere and it takes like an hour to get to the city. i know your dad is australian but 50% of the time i hear him speak it’s with that terrible american accent. and well here…

The things i know about emily: she hates coffee but she will try every concoction she can to stay awake while reading, she loves her new puppy even though she said she wasn’t that attached, she has way too many comics (this girl set up a store on ebay ok), she is the most indecisive person to ever grace the earth, her books are arranged in alphabetic order correctly but only after i made sure they were correct, she loves rock music and can’t stand pop, she’s one of the most gorgeous people in the world but doesn’t believe it (uhm she should tho), she…. ok i could go on forever and i can never do those questions on tumblr bc i know everything about her. 

omg this should prob end soon, but like ok emily this is just a mess and i’m sorry but just if you didn’t know i love you more than anything and i hope you have a wonderful day and that we have many more bdays of yours to celebrate even when you don’t want to celebrate them. i’m so glad that you messaged me that day bc there would be a hole in my life without you. you’re amazing, incredible, outstanding, kind, hilarious, an asshole, and like my soulmate. also i’m listening to stand by me while writing this (the power rangers version) so just… i’m about to cry with how much you mean. 

to emily: i love you i love you i love you. and i will love you until the stars i’m looking at now and the ones you will see when you’re reading this can be looked at while we sit with each other outside one of our houses. and i will keep loving you through the distance and the ocean and the fights and the tears and the stubbornness of the world for not letting us be closer in the first place. you have undoubtedly changed my life for the better. you have made me a better person. more confident, happier, and somehow calm. there are days when you make my heart race (gay) and days when you make me still. (raven cycle much). you are my person (lol grey’s) and you are the first person i think of in any situation (laura no we don’t want to hear about this emily girl in australia). so baby girl, again i hope you have the best day and obviously the best life and i’m just so glad that i get to be a part of it even from so far away. i love you (to the moon and back and all that shit) <3

Oh, won’t you take me from this valley To that mountain high above? I will pray, pray, pray Until I see your smiling face. I will pray, pray, pray To the one I love.