#source: incorrect quotes ideas

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: There he is, my sweet baby.

Jason, holding a cigarette and beer: What?

[hannibals-favourite-meal]

*The group is getting into the car*

Rick: I’m driving.

Y/N, out of view: Shotgun!

Glenn, turning to face Y/N: Aww! But you had it on the way here-

Everyone except Y/N: WOAH-

Y/N, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*

[audhd-nightwing]

batfam and the JL as incorrect quotes

*in the batmobile*

Robin (12 y/o Dick Grayson): Have I ever told you how much I love you?

Batman: We are not stopping at McDonald's.

Robin: This is bullshit.

***

Tim: I have an idea. It's deceptive and borderline unethical.

Damian: I'm listening.

***

*at a gala*

10 y/o Dick, to Lex: It was nice meeting you!

Bruce: No, it wasn't.

Dick: We hate you!

***

Batman: What's the point of all of this?

Red Hood: Revenge!

Batman: The best revenge is living well.

Red Hood: Well, there's no chance of that.

***

Tim: So, what’s the plan?

Steph: I don’t know. You’re smart, Damian is mean, come up with something.

***

Bruce: YOU MEAN A LOT TO ME!

Clark: Wh-

Bruce: YOU'RE ESSENTIAL TO MY EXISTENCE!

Clark: Why are you screaming?!

Bruce: I HAVE DIFFICULTY EXPRESSING MYSELF! IT HELPS TO SAY SENTIMENTAL THINGS IN AN AGGRESSIVE TONE!

Clark:

Bruce: I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!

***

Dick, cradling Wally’s face lovingly: Hey. I spilled superglue on my hands.

***

*at the Watchtower*

Green Lantern (Hal Jordan): Is Batman… laughing?

Flash (Barry Allen): *nods*

Green Lantern: I’ve never been more scared in my life.

***

Jason: I know we’ve always had this unspoken rivalry.

Tim: Not a rivalry, you’re just always mean to me. And not unspoken, you talk about it all the time.

***

Harley Quinn: I did it for love!

Nightwing: Cool motive, still murder.

***

Harley: I’m not a thug, I’m a law abiding citizen!

Signal: Okay, then name one law.

Harley: Don’t kill people.

Signal: That’s on me, I set the bar too low.

***

Cass: I was thinking about how I’d make the perfect American president, based on my skill set, dance ability, and blood lust.

***

Dick: Tim, please keep an eye on Damian today. He’s gonna say something to the wrong person and get himself punched.

Tim: Sure, I’d love to see Damian get punched.

Dick: Try again.

Tim: ….I will stop Damian from getting punched.

***

*after a JL meeting*

Batman: Flash, can I speak to you for a minute.

Flash (Wally West): Oooooh, someone’s in trouble!

Batman:

Flash: It’s me. I don’t know why I did that.

***

Hal: And, once again, Green Lantern and the Flash save the day!

Diana: You didn’t do anything. It was all Barry.

Hal: We’re a package deal. Everyone knows that.

***

Nightwing and Red Hood: *looking at a suspicious stain*

Red Hood: Gasoline? I’m pretty sure that’s water. Well, only one way to tell.

Red Hood: *lights a match and sets the stain on fire*

Nightwing: There were definitely more ways to tell!

***

Bruce: I tried to acknowledge her feelings. It wasn’t easy. There were a lot of them.

[earlier that day]

Selina: I’m just so confused- Are you… are you climbing out the window?

Bruce: *halfway out the window*

Bruce:

Bruce: No.

***

*at a bar*

Jason: Thanks for the advice. I gotta go.

Roy: Um, aren’t you forgetting something?

Jason:

Jason: *hesitates before awkwardly kissing him on the forehead*

Roy: No! Pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Clint: That’s a pretty rock.

Y/N: Natasha gave it to me.

Natasha: I threw it at you.

Y/N: She’s very sweet.

[nightthief200]

Jason: *Stubs his toe* FUCK!

Bruce: Mind your language!

Jason: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???

Bruce: …

Jason: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

[lesbianpepsi]

Enid: Hey, Willa, what do you think it would be like if we had kids?

Wednesday: What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly.

Enid: No, I mean, what would they be like, the kids? You ever think about it?

Wednesday: Can't really say I have.

Enid: You know, for someone as eccentric as yourself, you can be boring as fuck sometimes.

Wednesday: Sorry, Enid. For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl. Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.

[l3viat8an]

MC:*On the phone with Solomon* Yeah, they're fighting again but, personally I think a little sibling rivalry is perfectly nor-

*Satan, Mammon & Belphie walk by with their arm fulls of swords, pick axes, spears & rope* 

MC:-mal...Sorry, Solomon I gotta go! *Hangs up on Solomon and starts running after the brothers* WHAT ARE YOU 3 DOING!!??

[myloveforfanfictonisendless]

One of my favourite incorrect quotes of transformers that always have me in stitches are bots assuming bumblebee or Smokescreen (in primeverse)is Optimus's son

Example A:

Megatron, referencing to bumblebee: Is it your?

Optimus: No that would be weird

Megatron: It's weirder if It isn't

Example B:

Ultra-magnus: How long was I away?!

Optimus: I can't quite fathom the meaning of the question commander? Haven't I already answered?

Ultra-magnus: WAS I LONG GONE FOR YOU TO HAVE A SPARKLING!?

Optimus, Tilt his head until the realisation hits him: OH COMMON! HOW MANY MORE OF YOU ARE GOING TO ASSUME THAT BUMBLEBEE IS MINE!

Ultra-magnus, pointing at Smokescreen fangirling about op with bumblebee: I was talking about that eccentric.

Optimus,quite down& frown: ohhh great.

[spn-lesbian]

Jack: here, i got you a card for your birthday

Cas: *opening card* oh, you didn't have to, but thank you i appreciate it

Cas:

Cas: did you hand write 'ahsdiskdbsk ily'

Jack: and I meant every word

[the-black-bulls]

Vanessa: Rule one of being a Black Bull: Use whatever tools or tricks necessary to stay ahead of your enemies.

Finral: Rule two of being a Black Bull: Never give out free information.

Gordon: Rule three of being a Black Bull: Teamwork is important, but if you're sure you can handle something, do it.

Yami: Got that, newbie?

Zora, writing "gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss" in his notes: Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[tupayapsina]

Blake, rubbing her temples: Come on, pick up... Weiss: What are you doing? Blake: Calling Yang Weiss: But your scroll is off Blake: I mean telepathically Weiss: Ha, there's no way that's going to- Yang, walking in: Hey, sorry I missed your call Weiss: What the fuck-

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: Would you like something to drink? We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper—

Clark: Spiders?

Bruce: Spiders it is, then.

Clark: No, that wasn't—

Bruce: *already pouring a glass of spiders*

[hannibals-favourite-meal]

Business

Jason: I like your new pants! Y/N: Thanks, they were 50% off! Jason: I’d like them better if they were 100% off. *winks* Y/N: The store can’t just give away clothes for free. Jason: That’s… not what I meant. Y/N: That’s a terrible way to run a business, Jason.

Damian: Please take me home

[audhd-nightwing]

Peter B: We have fun, don’t we Miguel?

Miguel: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Bucky: How did you know I was going to propose?

Steve: Thor hasn’t been able to look at me without crying of happiness all week.

[tf2incorrectquotes]

Pyro/Scout: Trick or treat!

Merasmus: *pulls out a deck of cards* I've got a trick!

Scout: I mean... we'd prefer a treat.

Merasmus: Then get the fuck off my property.

*later*

Pyro: