#source: tiktok
Raph, about Mona Lisa: She's a 10, but she's wearing armor and carrying a sword. Raph: So she's a 15. Raph: I think I'm doing this wrong.
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lucky-cat-13 · 1 day
Lan Wangji: I don't have any friends.
Wei Wuxian: Bold words for someone within hugging range.
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Incorrect Batfam Quotes
Ra’s Al Ghul: It is the nature of human kind to fear what they do not understand. Their ways are not our ways.
Tim: I ought to get hazard pay just from listening to you yammer on. Now shut up and get ready for another ass kicking.
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incorrectbatfam · 3 months
Bruce: What do you think of this coffee sampler pack?
Duke: That's a good selection of all of their high-end blends.
Bruce: This will be perfect for Margie's birthday.
Duke: Wait... Margie? Your nemesis on the PTA?
Bruce: Yes, she drinks the free garbage coffee in the break room at the school.
Duke: You hate her. Why would you get her a gift?
Bruce: After this, she'll know what real coffee tastes like and won't be able to go back. She'll have to brew her own or stop at a fancy place each morning. This gift will cost her thousands of dollars a year.
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ktkat99 · 9 months
Tim: So I overheard something at the coffee shop this morning. These two people were talking and one said that the person you are now is who you would have felt safest with as a kid.
Jason: Huh. Damn. I mean... I do protect the crime alley kids.
Tim: And I am... literally a version of Robin.
Cass: Ballerina. Hero. I love giving hugs. Yeah, makes sense.
Alfred: I never noticed that, but I guess I, too, grew into who I'd needed as a child.
Bruce, walking in wearing the Batsuit, covered in blood and scratches, holding a pissed off Damien under one arm and a kennel with a pissed off raccoon in the other: Someone tell Damien he can't have a new pet, someone else take this thing back to the woods, the rest of you please dismantle Damien's raccoon house, I'll be downstairs giving Dick stitches as he was the one who found that thing.
Damien: No! Father! Please don't get rid of Domino! I can train him to only attack our enemies! Just give me time!
Tim, Jason, Cass, Alfred, all side eyeing Bruce: Hmmm.
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yeats-nana · 1 year
Bruce: Are you going to make sure nobody picks on your brother?
Jason (7 y.o): [holding Tim's (3 y.o) hand] ..mhmm, yeah
Bruce: You're gonna stick up for him?
Jason: Y-yeah!!
Bruce: What is- What's the matter with him? Do you remember what its called?
Jason: Anxe-anxi-anshi-
Bruce: Anxiety?
Jason: Anxiety!
Bruce: Yes.
Bruce: And if kids pick on your brother, what are you gonna do?
Jason: ..
Jason: KILL THEM!!!
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redadidassneakers · 4 months
James: you were in my dream last night
Regulus: ok, what were we doing?
James: we were fucking
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simple-dark-eyes · 4 months
*Cater scrolling through social media during a pop music club meeting and sees a post that catches his eye and shows lilia*
Cater: Look! Malleus is treading all over Magicam!*shows Lilia the aticle and picture* "Heir To Briar Valley Caught Making Out With Unknown Night Raven student (Yuu)." Malleus' and Yuu's relationship just got exposed...
Lilia: Sometimes, that's how it goes.
Kalim: Sebek's gonna find out any minute...
*insert very loud incoherent screaming here that can be heard throughout the whole school here*
Lilia: ... I'm sure he already knows.
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alexiskleio · 6 months
Y/n a little panicked: babe i need your help.
Nat, worried: what's going on baby?
Y/n: i broke something.
Nat: what did you break?
Y/n: i broke Steve.
Nat, confused: uh, what?
Y/n: he went to sleep and when he woke up i told him that he missed another twenty years... i thought it was funny but he burst into tears.
Bruce shaking his head: you're definitely Tony's sister.
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its-really-dry · 4 months
wanda: awww! aren't they so sweet tasha? such cute little cheeks! *squishing y/n's face*
nat: *laughs* yeah, they have such a baby face *boops their nose.*
y/n: breastfeed me then 🤨
nat: ...... *smirks*
wanda: i-
y/n: googoo gaga b!txh 🤨
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incorrecthatchetfield · 2 months
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Natasha’s 15 year old shameless sibling has a crush on her girlfriend, Wanda.
Wanda: I’m 30 and I'm literally dating your sister-
Y/n, with a squeaky voice: You’RE 30?!
Wanda: Ya…
Y/n: Its okayy, no one has to know bb gworl…
Natasha: DONT call her bby girl! She’s not your fuckin Spanish teacher-
Y/n: Hola- Hola como estas.
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lucky-cat-13 · 2 days
Jiang Cheng: Oh my God, you're useless.
Wei Wuxian: Hey I'm not useless! I can be used as a bad example.
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gothamundernightlight · 6 months
Incorrect Batfam Quotes
Tim: *walks into the manor kitchen, ignoring everyone
Bruce: Hi Tim, how was your day?
Tim: *picks up an onion and bites into it while staring dead at Bruce
Dick: *watching this whole thing unfold, staring at Tim in horror
Dick: Who hurt you?
Bruce: I know what I did. I don’t want to talk about it.
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incorrectbatfam · 5 months
Jason: Hey.
Dick: What?
Jason: Do you know this guy?
Jason: *sends a screenshot of Roy's social media*
Dick: Yeah, I fought on a team with him two years ago.
Jason: As you can see, he just requested to follow me.
Dick: Have you ever met him?
Jason: No.
Dick: Then don't let him follow you.
Jason: But that's mean.
Dick: You don't know him.
Jason: But you do.
Dick: We aren't the same person!
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l3viat8an · 1 month
MC: Fuck you!
Belphie: Fuck you!
MC: Fuck you!
Belphie: Fuck you!
MC: Fuck you!
Belphie: Fuck me!
MC: Fuck..you?…
Belphie: *Smirking* Fuck me!
MC: Okay- No! No, not again!!
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