#specifically the idea of being the Most Important Person. i think i've broken that down pretty thoroughly.

[vulpinesaint]

i will say one thing. being aromantic really made me have to confront my desire to be the most important person in someone's life. and it fucking sucked to work through the pipeline of like. amatonormativity means that for most people, romance makes you the most important person to someone else —> i will never have romance —> i will never be the most important person to someone else —> i have to learn to survive as a person on my own rights —> my relationships are significant whether or not i am someone's first priority —> relationships can be awesome and all-consuming in other ways —> the expectation that there should be one sole important person is amatonormative and fucked up to begin with —> it's not healthy or reasonable to expect to be someone's One and Only. and going through that it was terrible it hurt so much. but at the end of it... i am so much more secure as an individual and as someone building relationships with other human beings. deconstructing amatonormativity will do so much for you in all areas of your life i promisssseeeeeee

[altraviolet]

TEG: Megatronus-Soundwave fight detail

hello hello!

while rereading/editing TEG I remembered a detail that I had put in, which no one has ever commented about. I never drew attention to it though I think I meant to circle back to it towards the end... but maybe it can be sequel fodder.

Spoilers for TEG! 👇

the detail mentioned above ties into a slightly longer discussion of how Megatronus damaged Soundwave during their fight in Ch 11, which is something I've always wanted to do a mini commentary on

the specific body parts Megatronus chooses to destroy are done in a purposeful order

once Megatronus has gotten SW to the floor of the arena, in a position where he can't defend himself, he tells SW to yield. After every damaging blow, he offers SW the yield. but SW refuses.

after the first refusal, Megatronus goes for an eye:

Megatronus brought his fist down on Soundwave's left eye. It shattered, spewing blue. “Augh!” Soundwave's vision halved. The edges of Megatronus's sneering face and the arena above glitched in purple.

Side note: I debated structuring the fic around SW only having one eye the whole time in a way the reader wouldn't notice until a reread, and part of that being that his vision included purple glitches, but ended up discarding that idea.

Megatronus asks SW to yield. SW refuses. So he crushes SW's throat:

He shoved Soundwave's collar plating aside and gripped his throat, crushing its cords. “Yield!”

And this was the little detail I'd meant to flesh out in the fic: that SW's unique voice is due to the damage he sustained at this moment. in TFP we see characters talk about how their body parts can't be replaced. heck Bumblebee uses radio to express himself for the very reason that his voice is busted. so this fits with canon and is an additional explanation for why SW repeats others' voices rather than use his own, and moreso, when he does use it, it sounds strange to others (rainbowy/many harmonics/echoing).

but alas, I forgot to seed little inquiries about it to make it A Thing, and then to put the reveal in the Epilogue where SW shows Rodimus his face. it woulda been a nice thing to include, but I feel like putting it in now would be cheating, lol. but! I will learn from this experience and make sure to keep careful track of details like this in future work

[though, perhaps, it is better for SW's vocalizations to be purely the product of his personality, and not partially due to physical damage (????) a debate for scholars, not me, lol]

back to the arena. even with an eye crushed and his voice box destroyed, SW refuses to yield, so Megatronus goes for his face. SW is a vain, self-centered gladiator, so damaging his face and ruining his beautiful biolights is quite a nasty move:

Scraps of serrated metal sprang from Megatronus's fist like knives. He slashed Soundwave's face, severing the biolights in his cheek. They spurted fluid and flickered. Their light went out. “Augh!!” Soundwave had never felt deactivated biolights before. The pain was excruciating, even worse than the broken eye and the tentacles being ground into the arena floor.

side note: this bit is why SW reacts to Mirage disarming Skywarp in a far future chapter- Skywarp's knuckles extend jagged blades and our point of view character, Rodimus, notes that SW's shudder is the only reaction he has to Skywarp being disarmed. SW is remembering back to this time, when such weapons were used on him

the conversation then goes like this:

“Yield!” “No!” “Yield, or you will never fight in this arena again!” “No!” “Very well.” Megatronus snarled and gripped the base of the primary tentacle. He squeezed it between his fingers. With a roar, he ripped it out of Soundwave's frame. Soundwave screamed.

Megatronus gives SW many chances to yield before permanently disfiguring him and destroying his special ability. SW is incredibly stubborn and thinks he is superior, so he repeatedly refuses. he only yields when the most precious, important part of him has been taken away. He can't bear to lose another tentacle.

so there we go! wanted to note those things down somewhere. they'll probably go in the Compendium =)

thanks for reading!

[blorbologist]

I AM HERE WITH A 🌟🌟 TO HEAR ABOUT SOMETHING YOU'VE BEEN DYING TO GUSH ABOUT IN YOUR WRITINGS.

EXANDRIAN 👏 WEDDING 👏 CELEBRATION👏 WORLDBUILDING👏

- Wedding rings convergently evolved in a lot of contexts due to some divine events/recurrences (ex: halos of some aasimar and divine casters). Though how they're used varies (some cultures have many, with rings being added as the couple has children or for other life events; some wear them in their hair or as body piercings; some insist the couple or someone close to them make the rings themselves; sometimes they're made as a chain that's ceremonially broken during the wedding and reforged).

- I love the common HC that elven weddings involve ceremonial knots and rope/string tying the couple together! Drow use white-silver threads (heated debate rage as to if this is nods to Loloth or the Luxon in the Dynasty), wood elves will use plant-based fibers grown from each family's land/plants that grow near their home, and all elves will use fancier material to indicate wealth. A common practice for half-elves, especially from societies where they’re more common and can share this knowledge, is to intersperse the weaving and knots with rings, or save the threads to make into necklaces or armbands.

- many Ashari wedding practices (a little different for each tribe) have their roots in Drashari & Age of Arcanum customs that survived. For Zephrah in particular, I like the idea of the couple writing their vows, folding the paper into a bird or flower or something specific to Them (Vaxleth would 100% do a raven) and sending it flying from the cliffs. I'm undecided if they're supposed to use wind spells/cantrips to keep them aloft or trust in the air to carry them and their hopes for the relationship. (The people living downwind think it's good luck to catch Ashari wedding vows, and sometimes make the trek up to return them to the happy couple.) They don't know this is adapted from the spell kites of Cathmoíra.

- Several parts of Wildemount include planting something Important as part of the ceremony. Either something that will grow (a tree, a vital crop, a favorite flower) or not (a memory capsule, an offering, or something meant to decay). If the planting doesn't go well, or if the plant/burried thing gets damaged down the line, it's seen as a terrible omen. Couples living in cities will keep theirs on windowsills or roofs to ensure they get enough light, and it’s a common source of gossip if a neighbor's plant is unwell or if the pot of soil tips during a storm, spilling out the gifts within.

- I've thought. So much. About Whitestone weddings. The city-state was very isolated for years, so their practices are very tailored to their home. Laurels are made out of the Sun Tree's shed leaves, which are also scattered around their feet. Weddings are usually held at dawn or midday for Pelor reasons, and the rings are weighed in scales blessed by Erathis to ensure the partnership is equal. The ceremony is usually held in front of the Sun Tree, and if the couple is very lucky or of high status a fallen bough will be brought with them into their marital home to keep them safe and blessed by its shade (and it's meant to be burnt as firewood should they face a challenge they feel they can't surmount, be it a terrible winter or awful fight). Most couples only get a twig or small branch though. Actually, you'll see soon ;3

- Vex's wedding ring is 100% forged from melted down gold pieces from her own person. Because there's a chance, however small, that one or two pieces used were among those Percy gave her when they first met. Percy includes some residuum in his, partially because he wanted to make sure their rings could both be used as Resurrection components should anything happen... and partially because he still remembers the Sunken Tomb and how his offering of residuum then was not accepted. He doesn’t want to forget what his mistake cost them, a reminder to be careful (what if he had succeeded? would Vax not have - then he might - fuck.).

[deadendtracks]

I was thinking about 'Not' the other week -> after that scene where Alfie x Tommy x Tatiana went wrong, the doctor talks to Alfie about what it might have done to their ‘bond’ and Alfie’s thought process does something like, 'oh no mate we are *not* bonded, that was his (beta) wife.'

And it’s been niggling at me! I didn’t really have a specific question but wondered if you had more thoughts and context on how bonds work in your version of the omegaverse? Like, were Grace and Tommy bonded? What did that mean? What did her dying do to him as the one left alive with that broken bond? Can Tommy bond again? What would bonding with Alfie do to him, would they ever do it, want to do it, etc?

Oh gosh, let me try to reconstruct my thinking/backstory for all of this, which has always been pretty seat-of-the-pants. I also kinda kept it vague because a) i hate expositioning in AUs about things the characters would just understand and b) i wanted to leave it open to play with or lock down whenever it became important to the evolving series/story/world.

But yeah, I think Grace and Tommy being bonded was mentioned in earlier fic in the series? I'm blanking at the moment where that came up, but the idea that when a bondmate dies suddenly/violently the remaining partner tends to off themselves was a belief in the society -- whether this is some kind of physiological reality or more like a type of urban legend is left somewhat ambiguous. I wanted it to be a little ambiguous because peaky tends to be like that with the supernatural, and that felt a bit analogous. I think I wrote something about the idea that soldiers during the war believed that if one of their comrades got a letter that a bondmate back home had died that soldier was likely to walk into a bullet.

My understanding is that fandom omegaverse bonding typically involves some kind of bite. I haven't established if that's the case/how that works in this universe but I also like the idea of Grace biting the back of Tommy's neck, given he's the omega in that partnership. A n y w a y. But I haven't nailed it down. Most likely it will be something like that; I've sort of had fun picking and choosing which typical omegaverse tropes I want to use versus drop and do differently.

My vague concept of bonding in this universe is that it has roots in that sexual physiological/chemical thing that does happen between people even in our reality. The pheromones of sexual attraction. So maybe it starts that way, which is why the veterinarian thinks Alfie and Tommy are bonded: there's a certain smell, probably.

I think I implied at some point that bonding doesn't have to be exactly consensual, because i find the whole omegaverse heat/rut thing to be something of a ... body horror situation personally.

I don't have answers to whether Tommy can bond again and what bonding with Alfie would do to him. In my mind *theoretically* people can bond again; the issue in the series where it stands right now is that we're still in the period between season 3 and season 4, so Grace's death is still a very vivid wound for Tommy and he's not interested, willing, capable or ready for that kind of thing.

Bottom line I'm not really someone who works out world building in a lot of detail ahead of time but I do have some basic thematic things I'm interested in playing with.

[scarletsaphire]

I'VE GOT A BUNCH OF WRITING ASKS FOR YOU LETS GO

7, 22, 32, 36, 39, 40, 55, 56, 63, 64, 65

7. How do you choose which POV to write in?

Uhhhh that’s a great question honestly. Most of the time when I have an idea it comes with the POV built in; for multi chapter fics/things from multiple POV’s it boils down to “Who is close enough to the plot to make sense, emotionally charged, and not going to reveal everything immediately/throw everything out of wack.”

Putting the rest under a read more because it’ll be long.

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do?

I don’t like mind control, its an ick for me, so unless it’s 1000% necessary for the story I want to tell I won’t write it. I also tend to avoid first person, whether reading or writing. If its original fiction I’m more likely to be malleable with that, but for fanfiction, first person POV is an immediate turn off for me.

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

I’m going to make the decision not to include people from the pham, because otherwise it’ll just be people from the pham so >:p.

(Also to the author’s I’m tagging, sorry about the notification!)

@jackdaw-sprite is currently my favorite fanfic author. Their stuff is just creatively incredible, their writing style and prose is so, so, so well done. I can think of at least 5 of their fics by name that I am thinking about almost constantly. It’s all so absolutely incredible and I cannot recommend it enough.

@clockways has a lot of really good fics they are currently working on and every single one of them is absolutely incredible. The plots are well thought out and well executed, the characters all feel unique to their own stories while not feeling OOC, and they also do really good art.

@five-rivers is also on the list, which I’m sure surprises absolutely nobody. Obviously you have the Mortifiedverse which, as you know Hannah, I’m constantly freaking out over. It’s so so so well done, but also they have such a ridiculous quantity of other stuff and all of it is Top Tier.

36. How do you write kiss scenes?

Really quickly one after another in a weekend. Obviously.

The actual answer depends on the kiss scene itself. In general, I think my approach to kiss scenes is actually close to my approach to fight scenes? Unless there is something specific about the kiss that needs to be described, focus on the emotions its causing in the character instead. Even if you’ve never kissed someone you know what it’s going to look like, so spending time describing the physical appearance of the kiss is more often than not a waste of time. The emotions driving the kiss, or being caused by it, are much more important and interesting

39. Share a snippet from a WIP.

(From the gray ghost coffee shop story ;) (also tagging kad so she can get some gray ghost soup. @kadziduo

Laying in the rafters was Phantom. His ghostly tail was wrapped under the beam and back into his lap, so that the wispy end of it wrapped around one of his hands. The other hand dangled over the side, hovering in the air a good foot over the tallest patron. His head was leaned back against the post, and tilted to the side so that Valerie could clearly see his face, could clearly see that he was deep in sleep.

“He crashed here one night,” Mama Rose said from behind her. Valerie didn’t take her eyes of Phantom. There was something wrong about the whole situation, and she knew it had something to do with that ghost. You can never trust a ghost. “Literally, from the broken window. Found him asleep, just like that, so I made him a chocolate shake. He helped me clean up the mess, and he came back the next day.”

“I can chase the freeloader off for you,” Valerie said, her blaster whirring to life at her wrist.

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

That’s a tough one. Daytime Stargazing, as much as that fic fought me, has a scene at the end with Sam capturing a picture pf Danny in the middle of an eclipse, phantom (ha) stars visible only around him, creating an aura. That one would be really cool to see.

55. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has the choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers reactions to certain ones?

Its going to come as a surprise to absolutely nobody yet again that it’s Danny. He’s. So easy to put in situations man how could I not love him. Valerie’s a close second, but Danny is just so versatile. Something cute and silly? Danny. Crack dissection fic? Danny. Slightly angsty magic adventure? Danny. It’s like one size fits all and that size is a half dead child.

56. What’s something about your written that you pride yourself on?

I’m very proud of a lot of parts of my writing tbh and I’ve never heard of humility in my life so you’re getting multiple B)

I have a knack for coming up with and fleshing out ideas. I write incredibly quickly and do it well on the first try, which means I don’t have to spend a lot of time editing if I don’t feel like it. (Will editing make it better? Yes. But I don’t feel like it.) I also am good at emotionally charged lines me thinks.

63. Something you hate to see in smut.

I’ve spent a good long while thinking and frankly its the same things I hate in most writing: Poor characterization and bad spelling/grammar. Most smut specific things I can sit through if the rest of it is good, but I can’t deal with those unless Specific Circumstances are met.

64. Something you love to see in smut

Possessiveness. It’s fun in fiction.

65. Tell us about what you’re looking forward to writing in your current project, or a future project.

The ice skating scene. You remember the ice skating scene I told you about don’t you? I want to write it but I have SO MUCH ELSE TO WRITE BEFORE HAND. >:(

[koskela-knights]

Shuffle your favorite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. Then copy/paste this ask to your favorite mutuals. ♥

<33 Thank you for the ask!!

Surprise (not), the Koskela playlist from my Spotify 😏

TLDR, the 5 songs are:

Heroes and Villains by PoTF

The Enemy by Andrew Belle

Achilles by GARETH FERNANDEZ

Crosses by José González

Don't Let Me Go by RAIGN

Now for a more detailed explanation on why all these songs are in my Koskela (and Huotari) list and what prominent lyrics/vibes make me think of them.

1. Heroes and Villains by Poets of the Fall

"We're heroes and villains by chance Heroes and villains by choice"

I think that sums up their role as Cult leaders. Villains to some, heroes to others even if many may not know/understand it. They chose to villainize themselves to keep their home safe.

2. The Enemy by Andrew Belle

This song was recommended after I added 'Pieces' by the same artist in this list.

"Don't try to follow me I would Hold you down if I could Make you the enemy I would Let you down"

idk, this part gives me Jaako & Ilmo vibes. Their relationship to each other, how they can be each other's downfall if not balanced out. (I think echo! Ilmo is an interesting case as what could become of Ilmo if he lost Jaakko much earlier)

"I hold you down I hold you down I hold you"

Then there's this part in the song. And what's interesting to me here, is that I can hear 'I hold you' as different things too. Either 'I hurt you' or 'I haunt you'. Which sums up the last scene of the brothers together. Getting Jaakko involved, made him end up dead (I know this is a really short-sighted observation, but I bet Ilmo feels super guilty about the Cult thing.) And 'I haunt you' is Ilmo post-Jaakko's death being haunted by his shadow and memories.

3. Achilles by GARETH FERNDANDEZ

"I want something I can touch Something I can feel I learnt that my pride is my Achilles heel And when my time is up You know my love was real"

This one's an Ilmo song to me now (used to only have it in my regular playlists lol) Again, set post-Jaakko's death where he's left with survivor's guilt and realizes that all his pride and prideful endeavors mean nothing when the most important person in his world is gone. Only after Jaakko's death, does he realize how much he loved him and how inseparable they were.

"Set me free angel from my nightmare I woke up in this hell too many times Maybe we were never meant to make it I take these words and set 'em on fire"

This line of "too many times" in particular also stood out to me becos it could imply the spiral and being aware of the spiral (self-promo right here: loop/spiral awareness is smth I've written some short drabbles/oneshots for in the past becos it's such intriguing concept)

4. Crosses by José González

"The streets outside your window over-flooded People staring. They know you've been broken Repeatedly reminded by the looks on their faces Ignore them tonight and you'll be alright We'll cast some light and you'll be alright"

Recommended to me by @zephyrone01 This is a Huotari brothers song. POV of Jaakoppi to Ilmari. This matches up with our "Ilmari was possessed by the DP and people in town got suspicious of him" idea.

5. Don't Let Me Go by RAIGN

"Carry me close like the tear drops in your eyes All I can give you is memories Carry them with you and I'll never leave

Don't let me go Hold me in your beating heart"

Another song recommended by Zephyrone01 hehe. It's a powerful song to me 👀 The Angst!!! This specific part would be a Jaakko POV "I won't let go Forever is not enough"

And this would be Ilmo's POV. Anyways, many songs in this playlist are about memories, echoes, darkness & light and moving on and not wanting to live without the other 💔

[aro-comics]

Maybe More People Are Arospec (Part 3)

Maybe More People Are Arospec, 3/3 - The Alloaro Edition, in which we cover some alloaro specific (negative) tropes that I personally believe is the reason why there are so few people who identify as alloaro 🙃

I both have everything and nothing to say on this one, because the topic at hand hits home harder than I want to admit 😔. I think it's important to acknowledge the harm that constantly enforcing these ideas about sex without romance as being inherently emotionally drainining, a sign of emotional immaturity, or predatory, etc. probably damages the self-perception and self-worth of most alloaros greatly. Of course,:I understand that NOT ALL highlighted are inherently related to being alloaro - but the way these ideas are framed, especially in the split panel, imply sex without romance is the root of the problem, which in reality it is not. A lack of communication, respect for other's boundaries, or being flat out a predator is the actual issue here.

Anyway, I do understand the intersection of different issues that lead to the ideas that I referenced in the comic (elaborated more in the comments). I suppose the solution, as usual, is more education and more nuance surrounding the discussion 😅😉

I'm so glad to finally have this last part of the series up! I hope you enjoyed the ride, and for sure let me know if there's anything else that I haven't covered here you think also keeps people from realizing that they're aromantic 💚💚💚

[Image Description:

Slide 1: Celia sits on a green armchair in a living room. "Actually, let's make this take even more spicy - maybe a lot more people are alloaro in particular."

Slide 2: She looks down. "Alloaros are more likely to be labelled as heartless, or feel that on top of being 'broken' there's something predatory about themselves -"

Slide 3: "There's this idea that people who only want sex, and not romance, are the kind of people you want to avoid. Who don't care who they hurt. You know the trope - "

Slide 4: An illustrated example of the stereotypical trope. Shown is a house party where two characters are interacting. A taller man leans over a clearly intimidated woman:

"Hey Babe, you alone here tonight?" "Umm …" "Come on, don't be so cold, why don't you loosen up a little?" "No, uh-"

An arrow points to the man that says ""the predatory-college-fuckboy-frat-bro-trope"

Slide 5: Another series of examples, this time illustrated from Celia's childhood. The panel is split into three as you progress through the years. In each section Celia watches a television show.

1: "You can't trust him, ALL he does is sleep around - he's never settled down" 2: "Sorry I'm only looking for something casual right now …" "You're scared of commitment" "No, I-" "You're just using me!" 3: "At least it happened with someone who's loved her and been dating her forever", this is in reference to a teenaged character having sex the first time.

In this last section celia says, forlorn, "There's something wrong with ME, isn't there?"

Slide 6: Celia speaks to viewer directly. "I sure as hell didn't want to admit I was Aro because I knew I wasn't Ace."

Slide 7: "So yeah, those are my thoughts. I've told my allo friends about my theories and they …"

Slide 8: "… didn't exactly believe me." Celia is shown video chatting with her friend, saying "So those are my theories as to why romantic attraction is probably less common than we think, and why there's probably way more Aro people! People are probably too embarassed to admit it because stigma or never even realized it!"

Friend awkwardly says "I … I'm sorry I gotta say I don't agree …"

Slide 9: Celia holds her finger up to her chin, pondering. "Maybe it's just an Aro thing."]

[txdoroki]

Not sure if you were still looking for angst requests, but I've been thinking about either Todoroki or Bakugou fighting someone who had a quirk that allows them to view into another person's mind and take the shape of someone the hero knows. Based on this, the villain takes the form of their s/o and they then have to fight the person they love. Which is hell for them. And they go home afterwards to find the loved one there and waiting for them and it turns from angst to NSFW as the s/o reassures them they are indeed here and real. Sorry if that's too specific, just an idea that's been rolling around in my mind for a while now. Lol.

aww that sounds so sad :( let’s do it :D hope this is good !! and its not too specific, honestly the more specific the better in most cases! 

warnings: none

words: 1,581

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“what is it, little hero? you trying to block me from your mind with something as silly as ice?” the villain snickered, jumping back from the ice that was launched at them and holding their hand out again to try and see into todoroki’s mind.

don’t give up, shoto, don’t think don’t think.

“very interesting, you have a girlfriend waiting back at home, huh? well, i have good news for you,” the villain smiled, “i can bring her here now!”

“don’t you da-” todoroki gasped when the villain’s face and body turned into yours.

“fight me now, oh this’ll be so much more fun!” the villain laughed in your voice, staring at him while he just stood there, “have you forgotten how to use that flashy quirk of yours? or is it because you’re scared?”

he was fighting an internal battle of. should i really? i don’t know if it actually hurts her. i can’t fight her, how will i look her in eyes after this.

“awe, don’t make me start everything,” the villain lunged at him, easily being stopped in their tracks by his ice while his thoughts went berserk.

i can just use my ice.. that’s the safest option right? i’m not using my fire against her.. even if they just look like her i can’t. i’m not my father.

he tried using his ice to trap the villain so he could call the police, but it didn’t work. every time he would, the villain would just break through.

“see, a good thing about my quirk is it gives me a strength boost! gonna have to use that fire, hmm?”

“would you be quiet?” he yelled, putting the villain in yet another ice block. he just needed some way to trap them, to call the police.

“cmon, burn your beloved into a crisp like a good boyfriend.” the villain cooed in your cheerful and warm voice. todoroki tried to close off his ears so he didn’t have to hear the taunts, but he had to use his quirk too often to be able to. usually he loved hearing your voice and seeing you, but right now was not one of those times. well, technically it wasn’t you, but it was starting to feel that way. 

after a while of the ice jailrooms being broken apart by the villain, todoroki decided to give in. he couldn’t do this all night. he had to physically stop himself from screaming when he began using his flames. he had his eyes closed shut, hoping that the villain’s quirk would shut off sooner rather than later.

while flames surrounded the both of them, the villain dropped to the ground, tears flowing from your- their eyes. the sight broke his heart, but this was the only way. 

“why would you do that to me, sho? you promised you’d never hurt me,” the villain sobbed while shoto used his fire on them. then they let out a blood curdling scream when the fire came near them, and it sounded exactly like you. 

while he called the cops, shoto stared at the villain with blank eyes, wanting to throw up. he couldn’t believe what he just did. your screams echoing in his ears.

once the cops arrived and took away the villain, shoto ran to find his car and drive home. he couldn’t handle another goddamn fight right now.

you had been sleeping mainly all day, stirring awake when a tingling sensation began to overcome your arms and legs. you had just stayed in your bed and scrolled through your phone, only getting up to see who was at the door.

“oh hey, sho!” you smiled at him from across the hallway. sliding down the hall in your fluffy socks, you ran to him, eager to hold him.

your day had been so boring, and you had been looking forward to this moment all day.

“hi.. are you hurt, love?” his voice cracked, his gaze never leaving the floor.

“what? no,” you embraced him, kissing his shoulder, “i’m in no pain, but what happened?”

“nothing, i’m going to take a shower.” he weakly smiled in your direction, not looking you in the eye still, and put his bag down, hoping you’d let his behavior slide.

you pouted in his direction, concern filling your body. 

honestly, he didn’t feel dirty. he felt disgusting. how could he hurt someone who looked so much like you.

he turned the shower on until it was blistering hot, it burned but he needed something to be able to get the feeling of shame to wash away.

you’re just like your father you’re just like your father you’re just like your father was all his mind was saying, and he scrubbed at his skin, desperate to forget what he’d done.  

a small voice interrupted his thoughts, “baby?” and he heard you step into the bathroom, “shoto come out here right now,”

“okay, what do you need, angel?” he tried to sound as joyful as he could.

“get out of the shower, i can feel how hot it is from here,” you reached a hand into the shower, grabbing his slippery hand and pulling him out.

you handed him a towel, trying to avoid staring at his body. this is a serious moment right now stop being thirsty. 

“what’s wrong?” he frowned when he saw the worried look that was spread on your face, “have you been crying?”

“that’s not important right now,” you whispered, and once he had the towel over his torso you brought him to sit next to you on the couch.

“now, what’s up, princess?” todoroki chuckled purely from how tense he felt, scared to be close to you for fear he’d burn you again.

“what happened today, tell me everything,” you put a hand on his back, rubbing it while he slowly shook his head no.

“i can’t, y/n,” his eyes burned as he felt tears begin to gather.

“please, i can help you!”

with a sigh he told you about his day, leaving you most of the details of the fight with the shapeshifting villain out of it.

“oh, shoto... you’re nothing like your father. you wanna know the biggest reasons why i know that?” you kissed his cheek, “you worried about this in the first place. i know you’d never hurt me,”

“i love you, y/n,” he crumbled into your embrace, “i love you so much,”

“i love you more,” you giggled, resting your head over his while he played with the end of his hoodie that you were wearing.

“so that’s where all my hoodies have been going,” he smiled up at you with teary eyes, finally making eye contact with you.

“yep,” you giggled, ruffling his drying hair.

you stayed in this position for a while, you only moving to caress his body.

“can i get up to erm.. put on clothes,” he wiggled from your grasps once he noticed that he only had the towel on, giggling to himself when he realized you fell fast asleep while holding him.

he quickly got up to change into sweats and a loose t-shirt, tip toeing back to your shared spot on the rather large couch. 

“princesssss,” he whispered and took a seat next to you, trying to wake you up so he could cuddle into you.

“mmmm what do you want,” you slowly opened your eyes and sat up, cocking your head when you noticed he wasn’t in your arms anymore. you yawned, beginning to curl up again before he picked you up.

“i love you,” he sat you on his lap, your legs curling around his waist. you rested your head on his shoulder as he reached for the tv remote.

while you were napping on his lap, he watched some show about tree frogs while running his hands up and down your back.

then he got an idea. it might piss you off but it’d be so funny if he just-

he ran his hand down your back and squeezed your ass. hard. your eyes shot open and you jumped off of him with a startled yelp. he lost it, laughing the hardest you’ve ever seen.

“what the hell, sho?” you teasingly hit the back of his head.

“sorry, angel, i couldn’t help it, that was so funny,” he giggled and tried composing himself, beckoning you back over with grabby hands.

“no, i’m going to nap in the bedroom,” you pouted at him but didn’t move, crossing your arms.

“no you aren’t,” he smiled at you as he got up and picked you up, dragging you back to the couch.

“stooop lemme sleep, i’m tired,” 

“i am letting you sleep, just messing with you, love,” he pouted at you, looking at you with puppy dog eyes until you shook your head and went back into the position you were in.

“fine, but if you do that one more time in going to bakugou’s�� you giggled when he rolled his eyes.

“like hell you will,” his grip tightened on you as you went to sleep again, a few minutes going by before you felt his hands grip at your ass again.

“sho, stop,” you batted at his hand, but he grabbed your wrist and put it back around him.

“nope,” he gave you a toothy grin while he kneaded your ass and focused back on the show.

“thank you for everything,” you heard him whisper in your ear, guessing he thought you couldn’t hear him.

[margarethelstone-2]

if I loved you less (i might talk about it more)

requested by one and only @nerdypanda3126. thanks so much!

Read on AO3!

"Taichi... You still like me, don't you?"

The young man in question raised his eyes from the book he'd been trying to read for the past quarter, and fixed them on Chihaya, confused. It wasn't just the question that surprised him, even though its content sure would have been enough to puzzle a better prepared soul.

The fact that Chihaya had barely spoken at all for most of their time together today was the main reason why he felt startled by her words now.

She really had been quiet for most of the day, even though they were spending it at his place, determined, as she herself had claimed, not to get in the way of his studies. Taichi had tried to make her realise that it wasn't what he wanted at all, that the very reason he'd invited her over was to get a break from all the reading and just relax a little. He'd explained over and over again that he needed her to be a distraction; tried – unsuccessfully – to get it into her head that she was actually doing him a favour. He knew how much of a workaholic he could be and so he specifically planned the visit as a means to enforce the necessary break he might not have taken otherwise.

He had told her all of that. And yet, she'd remained quiet.

All the way until now, that is.

And just what on earth was she going on about?

"What's with that question? You know the answer to that," he replied casually, almost dismissively, before going back to the textbook in his hand. He really had no idea what had gotten into her all of the sudden, but then again, he didn't care to delve on the subject. He knew she'd tell him anyway.

"I was just wondering," she answered, a trace of hurt ringing in her voice; Taichi needed to hold back the smile that sprang on his lips at the sight of her pout. "Is it so bad if I do?"

Taichi hummed in thought.

"Is that why you've been so quiet all day?" he asked right after. "You've been just busy considering my possible affection for you?"

"Stop with the mockery. I'm thinking of it seriously."

"Oh? And what conclusions did you come to?"

"I wouldn't have asked if I'd come to any."

He had no choice but to close the book and put it away after a statement he'd just heard. Not that he minded. Throwing it on the floor rather carelessly, he sat up straight in his corner of the couch and, resting his chin on his palm, he fixed his gaze on the girl seated by his desk on the other side of the room.

She really was being impossible today.

Well, he supposed that wasn't anything new. He'd known Chihaya long and well enough to not be fazed by the swings in her mood or the inane schemes she so often came up with. He had learnt to expect the unexpected, every day, every hour of his otherwise boring life, because that was obviously the only way to keep up with her. The one thing he had to keep doing if he still wanted to be a part of her life.

Because that was how Ayase Chihaya was.

Chihaya. His best friend. His fiercest karuta rival. The girl he'd been in love with since fourth grade of primary school and the girl who'd rejected him straightforwardly at the very beginning of their third year in Mizusawa High. The girl whom he'd thought he could never win over, on whom he'd given up again and again, fooling himself he could move on and blight the love he'd had for her since he'd been a ten year old squirt.

He sighed and shook his head, remembering her question from a moment before.

She knew damn well he was still head over heels for her.

She was his girlfriend, for sanity's sake.

"I can't believe you actually have asked, you know," he picked up with the same fake weariness he'd shown before, if only to cover his growing amusement. Seeing her very real anxiety made him assume a more solemn expression, as he asked, "Seriously, what brought this on? Are you mad about something?"

"I'm not mad," she disagreed instantly, and with good emphasis.

"Are you unhappy then? Did I do something to make you feel like that?"

Again, she denied. Now she just looked sad. "That's not it."

Wrong. She was flustered.

"Then what is it?" Taichi asked, as gently and warmly as he could. Not for the first time, he felt grateful for all the hard training his patience had received. It was obvious that Chihaya needed that from him now. "It's not like I could get over you like this, you of all people should be aware of that. You're the most important person in my life. The best companion I could think of. You know I get lonely and grumpy when I can't see you, and you know I still get absurdly jealous, even though I hate being so. And so I can't help but think there's something else I'm not doing right."

Taichi stopped there, waiting for her to, if not answer his question, then to contradict him in one way or another, at least. After all, he really was at a loss.

He thought he'd been doing a fairly good job as a boyfriend, when all was said and done. He'd already shared Chihaya's most important interest and it wasn't difficult to at least understand the new ones she'd found. He made sure to be there for her when she needed him, and tried his best to give her space when she needed that more. True, he'd had some trouble coming for help on his part, but even that was a thing of a past rather than present – certainly not something that could shock Chihaya into thinking like this.

He would think that the all-day-long date he'd come up with and seen through in celebration of their first anniversary as a couple last week was a good show of how much he still cared.

He wasn't perfect. Neither was she. But never in his life would he have thought that he'd failed to get his feelings across.

"Chihaya," he prompted once more, his voice audibly quieter. "Please tell me what it is. I can't fix it if I don't know what's broken."

She looked up from the floor she'd been glaring at for a while and met his gaze, a shadow of unease still clouding her big brown eyes. She opened her mouth to answer; she closed it instantly and looked away again, abashed. There was a hint of pink on her cheeks, and it only grew darker as the time passed, though whether it was because of embarrassment or something more alarming, Taichi couldn't tell yet.

"Chihaya–"

"It's because you never say it."

He supposed his eyes opened wider than ever, what's with the utter astonishment he felt growing inside him immediately. For a few moments, he could do nothing but stare, the craziness of the situation overwhelming enough to successfully prevent him from forming a sensible thought, and much less coming up with any kind of solution. One look at Chihaya was enough to sober him up, however.

She was distressed. She was insecure.

No matter how stupid he thought the reason to be, he could hardly allow the situation to last.

With a groan that was bound to startle her, he bent over and buried his face in his hands.

Only one thing he could do now.

"Come here," he said, his face still hidden behind one hand as he tore the other one away and beckoned her towards him. "No excuses. You'll talk later. Now just come here, please."

She did, albeit tentatively, as if afraid of the reaction he might show her. With his patience starting to run thin at last, Taichi didn't wait for her to cover the whole distance, instead reaching out and grabbing her by the wrist, only to pull her down on the couch right next to him.

And then he pulled her even closer, locking her in a bone-crushing hug.

"I'm gonna do something to you," he mumbled into her hair, his voice a mixture of laughter and complaint. "You cruel, cruel, woman. Have you no heart? Here I am, mind reeling as I try to figure out what the hell I did wrong again and you say it's because I don't say I like you enough. As if you didn't already know you've got a firmer hold of my heart than I ever did. Tell me, am I really this bad at showing you that I care that you doubt it?"

It was Chihaya's turn to growl at him, though it surely – and fortunately – didn't stop her from burying her face even deeper into his chest and digging her fingers into the shirt on his back. Again, Taichi laughed at the display, but didn't loosen his grip one bit.

That silly, unbelievable, most beloved girl.

"This and that are different things," she muttered finally in response against his buttons, her stubborn indignation probably being the only reason why he could discern the words at all. "There are different kinds of love languages. We even talked about it, you know."

"Yes. And as far as I remember, we've already established that neither of us cared for this one. So your argument doesn't work."

Well, this was a lie, or at least, it wasn’t fully true. After all, he could never get tired of hearing her say those words, to him and him only. But he didn't need it that much, not when he already knew of so many other ways in which Chihaya expressed her love towards him. He'd always assumed it was the same for her, too.

Funnily enough, he still didn't think he was mistaken.

"I've had feelings for you for the past fourteen years, you dummy, I wouldn't change my mind just because you decided to return them," he threw in only half-jokingly, as if to make sure he got his point across before moving onto the next part. "So? Care to tell me what's the source of it all?"

He felt her tense against him for a split second, only to relax in the next moment with a long, weary sigh. He waited for her to make herself comfortable in his arms, shifting ever so slightly to make it easier for them both. And then he heard her speak.

"I met up with Kana-chan the other day," she admitted weakly. "Her and Desktomu. And I guess... They're always so sweet with one another, now more than ever. I suppose... It made me feel a little jealous. But most of all, it just made me think."

"And you decided that I'd fallen out of love with you, because I don't talk like Komano does?"

"I didn't decide anything, I told you already. I just wondered if maybe I was doing something wrong to deserve that treatment. Sorry for being so terribly scared of losing you again because of my own foolishness."

Words caught in his throat as Taichi tried to protest against this new development. That last addition Chihaya had made – and more importantly, the wounded, truly uncertain voice with which she'd spoken – would have been enough to melt his heart even if he had actually been angry with her. Right now, he had to hold back from grabbing her by the chin and kissing her senseless until all the idiotic ideas evaporated from her overworked mind.

The things she did to him without as much as trying.

You evil little imp.

"They're newly-weds. You can't use them for reference," he managed to stutter out at least, conveniently ignoring the hoarseness of his own voice and the emotion that hovered behind it. "Not to mention, those two are the opposite of us when it comes to talking about feelings openly. There's a reason they got together six years before we did. Just because something works for them doesn't mean it's the best course for us to take as well."

He smiled again and planted a kiss at the top of her hair, before adding, "I still can't believe you really doubted me, though."

She huffed and pulled away, although she still didn't move from her place on the couch. They were still close; close enough for Taichi to see the light reflecting in her eyes and the blush that hadn't left her cheeks, and to reach out and comb her tangled hair with his fingers. Another gesture so full of love, even though it was but a fraction of all that she made him feel.

"Well, since I never understood what had made you fall in love with me in the first place, it's only natural that I'd have this kind of doubts."

He chuckled and she smiled on her part, her obstinacy giving it to the desire to just be with him. It was another thing Taichi was able to read in her eyes – and, knowing the feeling well enough from his own experience, he had no trouble deciphering it.

Delayed, the first part of her sentence entered his brain.

What made me fall for you, I wonder?

He didn't know. It had been so long since he’d realised his feelings after all, and longer still since those feelings had been born. Even all those years earlier, he probably wouldn’t have been able to point out the reasons clearly, never mind finding the one spark that had started it – trying to do so now seemed downright impossible.

There were so many reasons, after all.

Maybe it was because she had never considered herself a possible love interest for anyone, first when she was too engrossed in karuta and later, when she thought she didn't deserve to be one. Maybe it was her hot-headedness and her drive, and how different she'd always been from him, and yet never failed to tell him how much she'd admired and envied those qualities of his that she lacked.

Maybe it was the fact that she'd always been with him, so close and so dear and yet so impossible to grasp.

Maybe it was because she'd loved him long before either of them dared believe that was the case.

Maybe...

"Maybe," he said out loud, though in fact not loud at all, his lips moving against her forehead as he leaned in to put a kiss there, too. "Maybe, if I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more."

Edging away, Taichi saw tears gathering in her eyes. He wiped them away with his thumb, his hand cupping the side of her jaw fittingly.

And then he kissed her properly.

Just like he had wanted to ever since he'd first seen her that day.

[thegeminisage]

what do you think are some of the biggest pieces of evidence for cas being ace? i've watched so much of the show in the past month that it all blurs together, lol, so i can't remember many specific scenes. i do remember "i'm utterly indifferent to sexual orientation" (though that wasn't about his own orientation) and cas' discomfort at idea of sleeping with women at the bordello in 5.03... anything else you can think of? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts!

rubs my hands together okay a List yeah i can do a list

wait actually first i wanna say that the biggest reason is because i’m asexual and i said so 0:) like i know that sounds a joke and it is a little bit but SERIOUSLY it’s just a general Aura or what the fuck ever about people. you know how sometimes a friend group formed in teenage years will one by one realize they’re all queers and they just grouped together organically? ace people are like that too. many of my closest friends have been aspec and i didnt even know that when i met them, THEY didn’t even know. but like if you asked me to list the ten people i was closest to over my life the huge majority would be aspec like me. we find each other In The Wild. so when i say he’s ace because i said so like i’m saying I’m Ace And I Can See Him. He Is Ace Because I Said So. my ace-dar is EXCELLENT

okay anyway with that out of the way here’s your actual list. obviously much of this can be a point in favor of many different readings of cas (and i’m not saying those can’t be true at the same time as ace cas!), but i’m ace and he’s ace and that’s what this post is about so i’m focusing on the ace parts. thank you.

list of ace cas evidence:

in general cas has a lot of trouble connecting with humanity at first which is an ENORMOUS ace mood

when dean cracks in the 4.01 deleted scene “yeah i have that problem with women” (after cas talks about the difficult in finding a vessel that can contain him) cas absolutely does not get that joke. we were having ace cas moments right from the get-go

it’s shown as early as 4.02 that cas doesn’t understand personal space. this is him not getting one single thing about human intimacy works and that he’s overstepping a boundary. it’s not just that he’s an angel (though that’s some of it) he just doesn’t intuitively understand physical stuff like that

that dean/anna kiss in 4.10. LOOK AT HIS FACE. that’s a face that says “i had no idea this is how humans were intimate with each other” and also “do i want to try that?” answer: maybe. dean’s very pretty. but something about it just feels like he’s going “whoa i never even CONSIDERED that” - like that to be sexy with the humans he’s into just didn’t occur to him

i know you said so already but WOW 5.03 brothel scene. THEEE ace cas moment

i’d also like to take a moment to tip my hat to 5.04. almost every aspec will have had a period of frustration and self-loathing where they thought at least once about maybe just having sex they weren’t into as a way to be “fixed” or to prove something. when aspecs are at their lowest and most broken, they are having sex they do not want to have. and when cas is at his lowest and most broken (in 5.04 AND 9.03, thank you), what is he doing? having sex! it’s just Interesting to me that the only times cas fucks is when he’s literally in the absolute worst points in his entire life 

also, i’m getting out of order here, but that thing in 9.03 was absolutely rape. the way he talked about it after was THEEE most comphet bullshit i’ve ever seen. “that was nice.” “she was...sooo hot.” dean winchester can’t fool me and neither can cas thee tiel. 

i know everyone was uncomfortable with the cherub in 5.14 but cas was SUPER uncomfortable. “no one likes it” yeah that’s cause he’s not a big touchy-feely dude 

i actually really hate that porn scene in 6.10, but it is a classic “i don’t get it” moment + a side of “monkey see monkey do” later when he decides to mimic it and kiss meg. she started it - he’s just going “oh yeah i remember watching that on TV - like this, right?” he’s pleased with himself for correctly mastering a form of human interaction, he’s not, like, horny. 

didn’t get the erectile dysfunction joke in 6.19

obviously, godstiel’s utter indifference to sexual orientation

strongly implied to be in a chaste marriage with his “wife” daphne when he was an amesniac

being repeatedly lobotomized in season 8 is its own can of worms. they were trying to make him straight. alas, it cannot be done

meg propositions him in season 8 and it takes him a bit to catch on. i don’t think accepting means he’s not ace, just that he’s interested in stuff humans do. would have been nice for his first time not to be with a psycho reaper who got him to trade his virginity for a pb&j :/

cas seemed REALLY nervous at the prospect of the date in 9.06, almost like it was something he had to steel himself to do - yet another weird part of human life he was resigning himself to, especially after metatron told him “go find a wife and have some babies” when his grace was taken

cas in season 10 is UTTERLY oblivious to hannah’s advances, even the ones that include nudity (and his own nudity at one point lol), and when he finally catches on he lets her down in the most awkward way possible

in season 11 he says he’s gonna take dean’s temperature and doesn’t see how that’s weird lol

he never got to truly speak to dean about his weird “””attraction””” to amara but i like to think he would have been equally confused

in season 12 in the hotel room where an orgy had clearly just taken place dean snickers and picks up the panties but cas is totally oblivious

ALSO completely oblivious when the waitress hits on him in season 12

this is a little bit of a stretch, but despite being named as jack’s “real” father, his relationship with kelly, his ostensible baby mama by proxy, seemed INCREDIBLY platonic to me. like they were such good buds! but he never had any of that romantic chemistry with her - there were no lingering notes or touches or whatever. he just wasn’t interested in that same way. 

exasperated with gabriel and talking about porn stars in season 13 lol

canonically, castiel spent seasons 4-?? falling in love with dean, but he never made a move on him physically - yeah yeah the CW is homophobic but i like to think that most of castiel’s Urges where dean is involved are not in fact of a sexual nature. he wants to be close to him and important to him more than he wants to fuck him. you can long for someone in the ace way without longing for them sexually yk

this is part of why i actually really liked the 15.18 confession - the happiness was in the being, or whatever. he was already WITH dean in almost every way that mattered (i wrote a fic about this). they shared secrets, they shared burdens, they lived together, they fought and worked together, they even raised a fucking kid together! cas was convinced he couldn’t have more than that but also he didn’t really NEED much more than that and thinking about how he had been with dean all along was what made him happy enough to literally die. yeah there’s a version of that scene where the reciprocation was enough to do it but they accidentally hacked it into an ace love scene so i will TAKE it

this concludes my list! i bet it’s a lot longer than u were expecting

[spn masterpost]

edit: a few updates

[that-wizard-oki]

Hello! I've been aware of your blog for years, and made a Tumblr blog very recently. I want to say that your posts are extremely well thought out, and give the storyline of Wizard101 a lot of much needed depth. I think if Wiz had the gameplay and story structure of Pirate101, it would benefit highly especially for worlds like Azteca and Khrysalis. Currently I'm rewriting Wiz and your posts are a huge inspiration. Finally. what are your thoughts on Arc 3? Imo it had potential but failed.

Hey there! Thank you so much for all your kind words, I’m glad you enjoy my thoughts and theories about the game-  and I’m flattered to hear they inspire you to create your own fan work :D 

Personally, I wouldn’t say that Arc 3 failed in any sense. I think the idea of a children's/family game to tackle the theme of a broken family\divorce is pretty smart- it gives the opportunity to adults who play this game with their kids to find a way to perhaps talk about their own experience with the same themes in their real lives (if it applies to them). Likewise, i also like that the story focuses on that the CHILDREN are the one who have to clean up the PARENTS mess, more or less. Often times the children in families who have a parent/parents that are either split, should split, or are abusive to one another, are the ones who get caught in the cross fire- this is SO evident with Mellori and Bat in Empyrea.

Following that, I think it was also super clever to have Mellori (and the wizard) initially ALSO be fighting against Spider’s children. Another common occurrence in families that experience abuse between their parents/ect, is that one or both of the parents will try to divide their children onto sides- furthering the divide and conflict in the family itself. THIS was exactly what was happening in arc 3- we weren’t technically fighting Raven and Spider, but their children were fighting each other in their names.

One of the most beautiful things to come out of this game was the fact that Mellori and Bat WERE able to see through that, and instead focused on the real threat at hand- their parents. In fact, it is their COMBINED power that allows the wizard to defeat the result of Raven and Spider- the Aethyr Titan. This reflects so well into reality, where when the children of broken families try their damned to support one another, instead of letting their parents continue to control and divide them, it leads to the kids being able to break the domino effect that comes with that kind of family dynamic. They are able to become individuals- instead of being some mini version or “part” of their parents (which is also clever on KI’s part to make Mellori and Bat/Rat/Scorpion LITERAL extensions of Raven/Spider, which makes it seem like they are just kind of mindless bots doing whatever their entrusted parent tells them). 

One part i particularly like as well is that towards the end of Empyrea, Mellori talk about how she’s going to go home to her mom- and it’s not Raven, it’s Baba Yaga. I absolutely love this idea that, yea, Mellori (and any kid for that matter) SHOULD be able to choose who their mom/dad/parent is if their birth parent(s) don't provide for you the way a parent should. I think that is a SUPER important lesson for Kids AND parents to hear. You choose your own family if that’s what it comes down to, and there is NO shame in that. 

That being said, i do have my issues with some things too- this might seem small, but I never liked how when we’re in the Husk, and Raven and Spider are talking to one another about who’s “really” at fault, and eventually Raven goes “oh what have i done?” and Spider just goes “.... Yea were were BOTH really bad huh?” Like.... listen, sure, Raven probably shouldn’t have locked Cob away for eternity and stole his chaos heart in order to reform the spiral, BUT imma be real with y’all... Spider also did shit to aggravate Raven- specifically, he messed with her kids into a fucking war. I mean this half sarcastically, but tbh, if you mess with a mother’s kids... that's fucking on you man, you know the grave your digging for yourself on that one lmao.

But more seriously- i feel like they REALLY tried to make Raven out to be “worse” than Spider, and having Spider just beguile her with his words at the end in a way were she ended up being like “oh nooo IM the really bad one, oh no oh noo :((” JUST for him to be like “no its ok babe :) we’re BOTH equally as bad, stay here with me and we can be bad and alone together :)”

Actually now that i write that out, it is a little.. weird that Spider kinda got what he wanted- to be with Raven, when imo, they really should have STAYED split. I don’t come from a divorced family, but I’ve many friends who do, and I’ve gathered that more often than not... divorce can be a good thing, as it is likely to stop/lessen the conflict within families. I think that yea, they both did bad things to one another, and need to stay apart, not spend the rest of eternity together.

That’s probably my biggest qualm with the entirety of Arc 3, beyond the various obvious one, which is that Morganthe played like, absolutely no part in it lmao. I’ve talked endlessly about it, so i won’t repeat myself too much lol. 

Just to briefly reiterate- i think that Morganthe, the one who re-discovered shadow magic, was groomed by the Shadow Magi, and very blatantly infused with something akin to the conversion tables we see in Khrysalis, I think she would have been an invaluable source of information and help for the Wizard. Not only does she probably know the most about Shadow Magic outside of Spider, but it’s insanely alluded to that she was under his control- perhaps even had contact or conversation with him somehow in her time as Shadow queen.

The biggest frustration of her lack of presence though, comes from the way Khrysalis built up this INSANELY interesting Foil between the Wizard and her. The way that they both weirdly fit the prophecy, the way their lead into The Hive was so eerily mirrored, the fact that we were both called the Children of Light and Shadow by Spider, and not to even mention how the shared feelings of loneliness and fear of failure as students of Ambrose... like I could go on about these two and how amazing it would have been for them both to work together in arc 3, but also help heal and grow as The Children of Light and Shadow... but that’s not what we got unfortunately. 

Anywho, i don’t wanna ramble on about that too much because i touched on it in another ask post and you can look at that if ya want in my tag, but yea! Those are my general thoughts on Arc 3. Again, i love this arc, i think it truly has some of the most nuanced writing and characters thus far in the game. 

Besides, i always think they could easily write in Morganthe’s return for a redemption with the wizard, especially now with the Wizard seemingly trying to fight their own shadows.

Hope that satisfied your question though, and good luck with your writings :D

[retphienix]

Alright, this is gonna be tough because I desperately want to say so much for the game's sake and my own, but it's just so much.

At least the playthrough as a whole exists to show a lot of those things, and there's no shame in some of the impacts the game had for myself going unsaid :)

LONG POST INCOMING, NO 'READ MORE' BECAUSE IT'S RELEVANT TO THE POST AND NOT AN AFTER-THOUGHT

CLICK 'J' ON YOUR KEYBOARD TO SKIP. (Sorry mobile users)

8:48 - Do you have any idea how good a step forward it felt to smash the repressing bulb?

9:50 - So I'll get ahead of myself because this fight shows a lot of the visuals that play into this: Something being the manifestation of guilt for Mari is so incredibly visualized.

Between the base 'Something' being extremely close to the shadow she cast and including the one visible eye that bore down on Sunny and Basil after the hanging, to the stairs incorporating into the design.

The seaweed and spider are more general anxieties though they do circle back to Mari since she saved Sunny, but those two forms don't feel as directly related as the stairs (heights) and base 'Something' forms and what they represent for his repressed guilt.

Could be wrong ;) Tell me what you saw in the forms of 'Something' if you'd like to expand on them :)

12:39 - Just to prove the point before you get to fully see the truth- Something morphs into the figure of Mari hanging. It doesn't fully demonstrate the "eye" aspect yet, but still I just wanted to say kudos on the way 'Something' is shown visually. Formless for a reason, and that form becomes more defined as you understand what it is, exceptional damn thing.

15:43 - Basil's part in all of this makes me so damn sad. Plenty to say later (obviously), but he harbors so much guilt, wants forgiveness so much, and is so (not shown yet) desperate to believe in Sunny's innocence while knowing but not comprehending the truth. The fact he harbors his own 'Something' due to the guilt of all this is heartbreaking, these kids endured a hell no one should. Losing someone so important to you and harboring the guilt and fault of it when nothing of the sort was intended. A childish fight with raised emotions got out of hand and all this came of it.

Hell.

16:30 - I absolutely adore how the photo album is used for this reveal.

Absolutely incredible execution that's specific to this story and its characters and makes piecing (literally) this together tense and grim.

22:27 - I NEVER SPOKE TO OR INTERACTED WITH THE THING IN THE CENTER OF THIS ROOM AND I'M A NORMAL AMOUNT OF UPSET ABOUT THAT >:( lol

29:41 - Okay.

So this reveal as a whole is so unbelievably well paced and incredibly hard hitting.

All game long there's a weight of having lost Mari. Repeatedly it's told that she killed herself and no one can understand why and everyone (MYSELF THE PLAYER INCLUDED) is looking for meaning in little moments, seeking out hints that maybe she was suffering or depressed or this or that.

And while that has gone on FOR THE ENTIRE GAME there has also been this uneasy weight surrounding Sunny/Omori. Visions of Mari twisted and deformed into phantoms of horror.

For the most part I assumed it was just him coping with having lost his sister and maybe a dialogue on how when she was alive he was in her shadow (in his mind) and now that she's gone he remains there?

That was the best I could figure, more or less. But it continued to seem more and more malicious in design and MUCH more 'heavy' in how it's presented as a shadow behind Omori/Sunny throughout his adventure and life.

The weight and 'overshadowed' looks of the scenes felt more and more foreboding and less like a simpler "I'm living in her shadow" story, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Then these pictures come out and piece things together.

The final result:

Sunny and Mari fighting. (Context appears to be his growing disdain towards playing. It's stated he loved playing, but it's also shown that he begins to dislike how much Mari is dragged away for classes and the like up to and including playing. So my read was that Sunny was upset that their fleeting time together was dedicated to the recital and broke his violin in an emotional blur and the fight occurred.

Alternatively it was accidentally broken and both of their emotions were running high as it happened)

Mari falling to her death.

Sunny and Basil carrying her upstairs and tending to her.

Sunny breaking down as it sinks in.

The visions having Basil say "It's going to be okay" by the bedside. (I perceive that as a memory of what Basil was saying as he tried to manage his emotions during the event)

Sunny and Basil carrying her back downstairs and to the backyard.

The makeshift noose.

And finally the sight that burned itself into Sunny's eyes of her hanging after it was all said and done.

Just holy shit to it all in how it's revealed and handled.

Stories have twists all the time, and I ain't gonna make some bold claim like "Most unpredictable!" "Best twist!" "What a twist!" or whatever, though that'd be funny.

I just want to say this twist worked BEFORE the reveal as a foreboding sense of unease and curiosity- it lent itself to intentionally vague and easily misconstrued explanations, basically- instead of it outright misleading you beyond the characters that believe the lie repeating the lie, it allowed you to mislead yourself.

It did the twist the right way! And well! YOU trick YOURSELF! The people repeating the lie are being lied to or have motivation to repeat the lie! The GAME isn't lying (as so many twists handle it) the game is giving the world reason to mislead and allowing you to be mislead!

Now am I yelling affirmations for the way things SHOULD ALWAYS BE! YES! BUT THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S NOT AS NORMAL AS IT SHOULD BE! lol

31:40 - All the "You will really miss them"s hurt :(

33:25 - Right out the gate, a spoiler for what isn't here:

I looked up the alternate endings of the neutral route and my heart hurts to know Sunny doesn't stick around and Basil dies :(

34:00 - BASIL BEING OVERWHELMED WITH DENIAL AND GUILT AS HE ATTEMPTS TO MENTALLY PROTECT HIS VIEW OF WHO HIS FRIEND IS BY INVENTING A SECOND PARTY THAT DID THIS IS SO FUCKING REAL AND AMAZINGLY DONE.

And it explains the name behind the 'Something'.

'Something' behind you did it. There's 'Something' behind you, isn't there.

'Something' all around us, that potentially being the truth comin' in.

When 'Something' ruined my photos, Basil repressing protecting Sunny by destroying the proof.

Just expertly done.

'Something' being repression of the memory and impending guilt. Dannnng.

36:26 - It's 24 hours after I beat the game as I type all this so here's a gag.

Here's the part where Basil beats some sense into his friend, because after this Sunny gets knocked out and wakes up 200% improved and ready to save Basil from his own guilt by releasing them both from the secret.

So basically Kel dragged us out of bed, then a couple days later Basil beats us up, and that's how Sunny gets better :^) Game Over.

38:46 - This fight made me feel utterly terrible, a highlight being the energy bar saying "Everything is going to be okay".

or at 40:17 - when Basil pokes out Sunny's eye and the screen does this? That's an underutilized but always awesome visual.

41:12 - I THOUGHT I WAS DEAD AT THIS POINT :)

Because just before entering Basil's home on this night you see his Grandma's ghost here. So seeing Sunny here told me "WELL. YOU FUCKED UP!"

42:25 - Like I said, beat some sense into Sunny.

Here's the mental side of things where Basil's beatin' told Sunny to go remember the good times and confront his inner self and I'm being partially facetious because there's plenty to say about what's coming up.

43:15 - Goosebumps every time due to the sincerity and hope of this.

43:40 - Hug for anyone needing that.

51:11 - I could cry again and I just might before this post is done being put together.

This accident was never meant to be.

55:09 - Timestamp is arbitrary, I won't go over every flashback but I do want to say what a beautiful way to use these photos. To relive the memories? To find the strength to overcome and all that? After all these years of suppressing memories? DANNNG I love this game.

1:04:09 - I stepped in poop.

1:04:15 - Barefooted.

1:04:22 - I embraced my failure.

1:12:00 - The violin.

1:13:00 - "The anxious feeling-" "They believed in you" "No matter what you didn't want to disappoint them" I'm filled with love and gonna cry about it.

1:14:00 - So an important theme in the game, as if it has just one, is Sunny suppressing emotions and demonizing himself.

Obviously the ending shows him breaking free from both but I think it's important as hell to look at how he builds up to being able to.

After all the dark moments show him as a bloodied monster, demonstrate a perceived lack of remorse for what he's done (as in he sees himself so poorly that he says "I must not have felt bad about it, I'm a monster", not that he actually doesn't feel bad about it, that he thinks he shouldn't because he's bad), have him stab dream Basil to protect his repression of the memory, the build up to breaking free from that is him remembering the good in him through the lens of his friends.

Both in the real world and in revisiting the memories within the photos.

He hears about the good in himself that he has pretended isn't there and finds the power to overcome this deadened shell he's made.

He learns how to forgive himself by finally remembering he's worthy of forgiveness and is more than his mistake, that even the person he grievously harmed would want him to forgive himself and would understand the mistake didn't define him.

1:15:15 - Just because you did something bad doesn't make you bad, to put it more eloquently than my rambles. He had to learn that.

1:19:20 - I've done this fight 4 times.

You may be wondering why 4 times, it ain't like I replayed the game a ton or anything.

The short of it is:

1) For the good ending :)

2) To see what happens if you go "up" in the hospital- it's a dead end- I assumed it'd be a bad ending. So I got the good ending again :)

3) For the bad ending.

4) FOR THE GOOD ENDING TO WIPE THE HORRIBLE FEELING IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH AWAY FROM THE BAD ENDING :)

In doing so I did get one layer deeper on the BG of Omori in the fight, here it is:

And I learned on the fourth run that the fight is simpler than I gave it credit lol, Cherish refills your juice, so there is no reason to use Encore. You can get to the end (and deeper more easily) by just using the triple attack and Cherish and Calm down when necessary.

1:29:00 - A summary of the fight is that it's extremely impactful emotionally, but very obviously isn't a "Fun fight". It's great mechanically and story wise for what it's trying to do :)

I'll just say it here: I'm surprised there wasn't an end-game "Omori" fight, you know, in dream world? Because combat is SO good in this. I am lead to believe that the Omori route where you never go outside in the real world has more bosses and zones and would fill what I just implied I wanted- but you're also railroaded into the Neutral endings which are both sad :(

And honestly? That makes sense and I applaud the decision :) Embracing the fantasy world for more 'fights' isn't exactly the path to recovery. Also and I know someone will be bothered I say this because *I'm* bothered I'm saying this- it makes sense since a big predecessor did the same thing lol.

Undertale Genocide has new bosses and a harder end game challenge (Sans) while being the worse ending, while the good ending has a flashy and story/emotionally impactful final fight that isn't as challenging because challenge isn't the point of the morals being explored.

I just bring it up because it's interesting, has a parallel, and after fighting Omori 4 times I really REALLY wanted to do an end-game fight in Dream World.

1:30:00 - forgive me as I cry again. goosebumps and more.

OH NO~!

DRAT!

So I use a cheap video editor and I use the free format of it which limits to 720p and I didn't think twice of it.

I recorded at max, but downgraded after editing.

At 720p you can't see the detail that made me break down crying!

At 1:31:55 Sunny's eyes go wider as he sees Mari as they finally get to experience the duet in this dream state (White Egret Orchid, this is real and happening, I'm taking this to my grave :'( ) he sees her smile and that smile made me break down, but in the 720 it's blurry :(

That's on me, I could have posted the scene raw in HQ but I didn't know it'd compress just enough to be invisible :(

still. that duet scene can make me cry on command. just because of that alone, but also the entire thing.

1:33:42 - Sunny breaks from his shell and feels his emotions again.

1:37:07 - I wish every game would end with a mirror to see yourself.

The 'Despite everything, it's still you' vibe just cements all the growth and experiences that have happened as so much more real when that happens. Bonus points because mirrors in Omori are a time bomb where you can be reminded of the guilt following you- and this one is safe. This one is pure and clean. You did it.

1:37:50 - As I said earlier, going up does nothing. Dead end.

1:39:00 - I have to tell you something.

Simple ending. And yet slams me like two trucks. I'm so proud.

1:41:00 - Post credits scene.

This is so heartwarming and their smiles are the purest thing in the entire world.

1:42:50 - BAD ENDING RECORDING.

All I'll say on that is the bad ending made me feel terrible inside. Give up, live in your bubble, and subconsciously end it all so you never have to confront reality again.

My gut felt heavy to be honest.

And the fact that THAT is when Bo En Time is played is INCREDIBLE.

Having the sky shift like that gave goosebumps and cemented my dread.

Just seeing it now has me feeling very poorly.

Okay. Video done.

Now for general thoughts.

First off this White Space cycle has been going on for YEARS with Sunny only getting worse as he suppresses things more and more and the reason he found the strength to overcome is because of his friends and I'm gonna yell about it.

THE REASON SUNNY IS BREAKING FREE CAN BE DIRECTLY POINTED AT KEL THINKING "FUCK IT, I'M ABOUT TO LOSE A FRIEND, AND I DON'T WANT TO"

And I just think that is sweet as hell. The strength was inside himself, but the problem itself caused Sunny to demonize and not trust himself- he needed someone to break him free and help convince him that he's not irredeemable. And boom.

The way this game handles Denial and even gives it physical form with the 'Something's that both Sunny and Basil harbor is just awesome.

I touched on it but combat in Omori is very, very good.

I've said it here and there as I played and I feel like going at length in the finale post is pointless because this isn't a review but to put it concisely.

Types changing mid-combat, the character archetypes being so well defined, the follow up system, combat in Omori is some top notch turn based RPG stuff.

Like up there with the greats, the timeless masterpieces. This is GOOD fighting. So it was surprising the good ending didn't emphasize it- I explained why that makes sense, but even still! It'd probably be lesser for it (as explained previously) but it's interesting they practiced that restraint for the message they wanted to send.

Repeatin' that Mari's smile in the recital made me cry. Burned in my brain.

I'm still surprised I got the post credits scene because I DID water the plants a lot but when the game showed me them all dead I assumed that was the fail condition.

I genuinely do want to try the Omori route some time down the road. I hope I get around to it.

I am slightly dissuaded just because the Omori route only gets the neutral endings which are not Good To Be Blunt :(

But I want to see what dream content there is and I hear there are other bosses!

Other small bits from my notes:

Replacing denial (the black bulb) with hope (the white bulb) was good as heck.

The imagery of the 'Something' is so top notch- using the shadow of her body combined with the piercing gaze of her single eye- MY GOD.

The fragility of life being so present- between memories of near death experiences, to the way in which Mari dies, to the ease at which either Basil or Sunny can end the game. It's tense and heart-wrenching.

The way the 'Something' behind Sunny almost always shadows over him like an ever present weight.

Tearful, hopeful, pure, kids enduring a guilt metric tons heavier than their bodies could ever handle and finally, finally moving beyond it.

I said more in a personal post, and I'll reblog that.

Honestly, just timestamping through the video took it out of me and got the point across.

Omori is a wonderful game.

It's definitely a favorite for me, high up there on my list.

Between the themes, the gameplay, the humor, the ending.

This is a good one.

And now I get to end having experienced all the care and love in this title, that's such a sweet thing.

Now I know this finale post is a mess, illegible even. I have gotten sloppier as I've begun embracing just 'experiencing and rambling' and perhaps my formatting with change yet again until I find something more easily shared.

Despite that. I want to thank any who popped in on this playthrough.

This was a good one, a highlight of the blog for sure- and I'm always happy when I see some people enjoying the absolute mess I toss online when I do one of these :P

So thank you for your time, and thank you to any ridiculous enough to read my nonsense here.

Have a good one :)

And just as expected I feel I've said nothing and barely touched the surface as the post-game-head of mine does a poor job lol. Even still :P

[arizonaconservativegal]

First of all, thanks for replying. And thanks to the people in the notes who followed up, as well. In terms of interests, while I would love someone who shares a lot of them, I really only have one that's necessary. As an aspiring game developer, games are my art form, especially the world building and the mechanics and systems in place. I want someone who shares this love, who I can bond over with. Anything else would just be icing on the cake. In terms of appearance, I'd prefer if she were shorter than me by a good amount, ideally at or below 5' 6" but I'm fine as long as she's not above like 5' 10". I'm not the leanest person myself, I've got a little belly, but I'm working on it and slowly losing weight. I don't mind if she's a little chubby either, but if she's really fat I just can't go with that. I'm probably a little hypocritical here as I'd obviously prefer someone who's in shape, but I can find some heavier women attractive as long as they're short and feminine. I dislike body modifications, and would prefer someone without any, but I could deal with a few small tattoos and a few piercings, as long as they're not gauges or septum piercings. And obviously she needs to want kids (but not have any), needs to be not a full-on leftist (I'm fine with a centrist, conservative, or ideally a libertarian), and just have a nice personality that gels with mine. I tend to be a pretty low-key, somewhat boring person, and have trouble dealing with people who have "big" personalities. I find that at my age, it's hard to find someone who wants kids but doesn't have any, and who likes games but isn't butch or seriously fat or really punk or whatever. Those are pretty much my lines in the sand, appearance and personality-wise. Do I have too many of them? Are there things I should care less about? As I said, I've never been in a relationship, so I really don't know what's important and what's not. I'm just basing what I want on what I personally prefer.

And I know what I need to do to become more attractive, myself. Lose some weight, get a better job, move out. Is there anything else I need to do, and what should I prioritize? Right now I'm thinking about trying for a raise at work, but I'm also worried it'll put me over the pay limit for subsidized healthcare, and I've got a lot of health problems that are out of my control. I'd need to jump to a job with actual benefits to make it really worth it, so it'll be hard just moving up gradually.

And finally, just because I'm spilling everything out here anyway, there's a girl at work who recently broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years who I've been becoming quite friendly with. She's always enjoyable to talk to, and she seems to like me at least as a friend. However she's not got a lot in common with me. There's a guy who clearly likes her, and she has a friend that's probably into her, and I knew her ex and they all have a similar look that's very different to me. I think she also tends to go for "bad boys" and I'm definitely not one of them. She recently asked about my interests and stuff kind of probing more deeply, but since I basically haven't had any friends for years I don't know if that's just what's normal or if she's actually a little bit interested in me. Honestly I'm not sure what to do or if I should even do anything. She's basically a normie and I'm borderline autistic. I'm not used to anyone actually being interested in anything about me and I don't know how to tell one kind of "interest" from another. And considering she's a coworker and I enjoy her company, I don't want to fuck anything up. What do I do?

Ok there's a lot to unpack here...

First of all, I'm not going to be that person who tells you looks don't matter because let's all be honest here for a second, they do and anyone who says otherwise is lying for internet morality points. Obviously if you're going to date someone, you need to not be repulsed by their physical appearance.

But. Looks are not the most important thing and they're also not permanent. Plus in my experience, the more you get to know someone, the more attractive they become to you because you just see people differently when you love them. So don't worry so much about finding the most beautiful girl you've ever seen, or being the most handsome guy she's ever seen. When it's right, that stuff will handle itself.

(Also, I'm not saying you did this, but if you put all that in your online dating profile, please delete it immediately because it will scare women off if it's public and even if it's just for the algorithm, you're probably losing a lot of potentially good matches by being too specific)

I would think a little more about personality. It can be a lot harder to define that than appearance, but that's the part of her that you're going to really fall for. What does "big" personality mean to you? Does that mean just being loud, or is it a certain kind of humor, or just being extroverted or outgoing? Think a little about the people you enjoy spending time with and figure out what it is about them that makes you want to be around them. Interests are a good starting point, but try to think about what drives those interests and how they express them.

And think about you too. How would you describe yourself? I'd guess with your interest in game development, you probably have a big imagination and attention to detail, yeah? Do you have a dry sense of humor, maybe? Are you a patient person? Do you prefer to be busy or to take it easy? When you get stressed out, what calms you down? What are your values in life?

Think about what kind of person complements all that. Remember you're looking for a partner, someone to build a life with. That means the two of you have to make a good team. You'll bring out the best in each other and compensate for each other's weaknesses.

As for the changes you think you need to make, I'm going to let you in a little secret about women: there is nothing sexier to us than a guy who has his shit together. And that doesn't mean you need a fancy law degree and a six figure office job and a mortgage. It means knowing who you are and what you want and be working a clear, realistic plan to get there.

So yes, everything you mentioned is probably a good idea because it sounds like that will help you have more confidence and get on more solid ground with your life and future. But as for what you should do first, just focus on what is best for you, not for some hypothetical future wife you haven't met yet. It sounds to me like you've still got some healing to do and that needs to be your priority.

But when you're ready, the only thing to do is start talking to people and go on lots of dates that will mostly go nowhere. That's okay. The point is to meet girls and see if there's enough there for a second date, then maybe a third, and so on. You're not looking for something that's perfect right away. You're just looking for a starting point to build something more from.

In your case, yes, you probably do need to find a girl who at least has some interest in video games. It's going to be too much of your life for her to not at least be willing to indulge you when you want to talk about the game you're working on. I would guess that there are a lot of girls in "nerd" category who maybe don't know much about video games but would be interested if someone they cared about wanted to show them. Or if you really want to start off with just a pool of people who are as interested in game development as you, I'd hazard a guess that there are conventions or online forums on the subject. Maybe check out some of those and just start talking to people. Maybe it goes nowhere. Maybe you make a new friend. Maybe more. Who knows?

As for the girl at work, I think you're setting yourself up to get hurt. Girls who go for bad boys don't usually change their habits easily. She may be interested in you because you're not like her ex and she's trying to try something different, but that doesn't usually last. It isn't that you're doing anything wrong, it really is just how girls like that are. And it doesn't make any sense but it's how it is.

In general though, if you're getting to know a girl and you're not sure if she's looking for a friend or a boyfriend, it's okay to ask. Don't be creepy about it or anything, but it's okay to say something like "I just want to make sure I'm not reading too much into this." And be prepared to drop it if she says she just wants to be friends.

(Also my rule for dating coworkers is this: if it's a job you plan to stay at long term and you work closely together, the answer is no. If it's more of a temporary thing or you really only pass her in the hall once a week, that's probably okay as long as your company doesn't have some policy against it)

Bottom line, you're overthinking this. Love isn't logical. You can make all the plans and checklists in the world and none of them matter because that's just not how it works. Trust me, if it was, I'd be married by now too.

All you can really do is be the best version of yourself for you, meet a bunch of people, probably get your heart broken a couple of times along the way, and eventually you'll find someone who makes it all worth it.

-

As a side note, are you in a good church? If you're a person of faith at all (and I'm an atheist, so no judgement if you're not), I think having a community like that around you would be good for you right now.

[bondsmagii]

ever since i can remember i've had the weirdest prophetic dreams and deja vus. with dreams i sometimes try to write them down when i feel like i won't be able to let it go bc i know as soon as i wake up that it wasn't a normal one. i used to have them quite often when i was younger up until 16 or 18 maybe, so often in fact that i never really felt shocked, only briefly surprised. these days they're less frequent and do startle me. they're a couple minutes long at most but usually just snippets of conversation. sometimes i'll get a certain vibe, even 20 minutes or half an hour before, and my mind cannot rest until the deja vu has come and gone. they're always very clear, someone says the exact words i knew they'd say and they're in the exact position i knew they'd be in etc. what really bugs me is that it's usually such insignificant moments. it's small talk or asking if the trash has been taken out, the dishes done etc.

i normally just wait it out and don't talk in these situations bc i've tried that before twice and the conversation went exactly how i knew it would up until the moment i interjected. both times i spent the rest of the day feeling restless and worried and just wrong. the most vivid one is still my french teacher entering the classroom and saying something and i wrote it down then and there bc i knew i had seen this before. when i came home, i looked through my dream notes and it was the exact same sentence i had written down about half a year earlier.

the most horrible thing about this is a nightmare i had when i was younger: a skinhead intentionally running over my mother with his van in my hometown. this has never happened. we (my parents and brother) have since moved twice and don't even live close to that town anymore and i had that dream about a decade ago. but it was the exact same feeling as all those other prophetic dreams i've had and it still creeps me out. i'm studying abroad rn and my sister still lives in that town with her family and whenever my parents go to visit her i get so anxious. i tell my mother everything about my deja vus but this one i couldn't until years later. and i never wrote it down either bc it's just so horrible but i remember it just as vividly as the teacher one.

anyway i hadn't had any deja vus for a while until a few months ago and now I'm thinking about this again, thanks for letting me vent

this is something that I’ve heard about a few times, actually. once or twice seems to be relatively normal -- even a broken clock is right twice a day, so if you dream often it’s likely that occasionally events will synch up. this is especially true in most cases as the conversations “predicted” by the dream are often common or basic ones, with a high likelihood or occurring in day to day life, so really it’s inevitable.

obviously what you have going on is much more than that, but it’s something I’ve also heard about and experienced myself to some extent. I’ve had several highly specific dreams that have come true, but the strangest thing is the waking deja vu. like you, I can follow along with the conversation one or two replies ahead of everyone else, and if I interject or say anything other than my “prescribed line”, I suppose, everything feels very strange. once I experimented with it and said something other than what I “should”, and the people I was talking with stopped and looked at me with obvious confusion before the person just repeated what they’d just said. I said was I was “supposed” to say, and the conversation immediately progressed as normal, in the way I knew it should. it was so eerie.

another time I didn’t realise I wasn’t alone in a room and I was saying everything along with the live news anchor at the same time, with the same inflection and everything. I turned around to find myself being met by several startled expressions. I have no idea what they might have made of that, but it was the same thing -- an overwhelming sense of deja vu, and then simply knowing what the news anchor was going to say.

I shouldn’t worry too much about your mother, though. life isn’t a static thing. every decision we make has an effect into the future, sometimes far longer than we might think. it could be that at the time of the dream such a thing was a risk, but as life has progressed, that direction is no longer viable. you should definitely keep a record of these dreams, though -- both for yourself, and for potential research. this is something that we really don’t understand, and first-hand accounts are very important for working out if there’s something to it.

[firstumcschenectady]

“Interconnected” based on James 1:17-27

Welcome to the book of James. It is one of my favorites, despite the fact that it takes away one of my best preaching tools. That is, I usually spend a lot of time explaining context and making sense of a scripture in the time and place it was written. But James is almost a form of wisdom literature. It is universal. So, we're able to spend our time on the ideas in the book directly.

James is written to the followers of Jesus in the diaspora – that is, those who lived outside of the Holy Land. The ones who had been DISPERSED from the land of their ancestors in faith. This feels relevant right now too. I don't know any church members at FUMC Schenectady who would claim modern Palestine or Israel as their native land, but I think that all of us are displaced from the “land” we once knew, and have not yet settled into the “land” we'll live in eventually. The Pandemic has displaced us all (although not all the same amount.)

In this opening chapter of the book of James, we are urged to LIVE our faith. James wants faith in ACTION. He urges people not to just listen to preachers ;) but to LIVE their faith, and he gets rather specific about it. James believes that people who are followers of Jesus should be acting out different values than the world's.

The crux of the advice from today's passage is “let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; for your anger does not produce God's righteousness.” For James, this is integral in what it means to be “religious” - right up there with caring about God's beloveds who the world doesn't value (“widows and orphans.”)

As far as I can figure it out, the work of Christians is to build the kindom of God. The kindom, sometimes called the beloved community, is God's vision for the world. We will know it is here when the power of love overcomes the love of power; when the abundant resources of the world are used for the good of all people; when kin-ship connections cross all boundaries; when the poorest and most vulnerable people have enough to survive and thrive; when no one has to teach anyone about God because God is known by all. The kindom is God's long term plan for us, and our work to get there happens in two broad ways: first, by creating Christian communities where we practice kin-dom values and treat each other like we're already there and second by working with God to share love, to seek mercy, and advocate for justice so that the world is healed.

One of the parts of kindom building that can be hard sometimes is that it requires seeing clearly what the world is like now. We have to do this so we can hold it in tension with how God would have the world be in the kindom, but often the aching pain of the world as it is can be hard to let ourselves see clearly. For instance, we can't work towards a world without rape and violence unless we admit that we live in a world with rape and violence, and that there are barriers to changing it. So, we seek to see clearly. We seek to see how things are AND how God wants them to be.

Now, I don't want to shock you or anything, but the United States is a highly individualistic society. (The kindom is not.) We in the US have proven to the world how terribly individualism works – time and time again. Including in our responses to the COVID-19 Pandemic.

You might think that if you were looking at this pandemic with clear eyes that you would see that none of us can be well unless all of us are well- that we are collectively only as healthy as the least healthy among us – that every act of protection and prevention has enormous ripple effects. However, if we had learned this lesson, we'd be spending as much as possible to make it feasible to vaccinate every willing person in the world as soon as possible. We'd even do this before triple vaccinating our own population, because slowing down the spread of the virus is the most important way to keep everyone safe, healthy, and alive. The well being of all and the well being of the USA actually align! Yet, we miss the mark.

The book of James has an interesting perspective on the relationship that Christians have to the world. In the face of the injustices of the Roman Empire, the wealth inequality, the slavery, the power imbalances, the death rates of the poor, James urges the faithful … not to get angry.

I find that my first instinct is to argue with this a little bit. “Are you sure?” “What about when...?” Yet, even as I argue, I am convicted by this passage.

Society is rife with anger. Anger is pulling us apart at the seams. Some of the anger, I'd argue, is “righteous.” It is a response to injustice that needs to be seen, acknowledged, named, and addressed. We'll talk about that in a moment.

Most of the anger is misplaced. The anger is being used to create groups of “us” that stand against “them,” and those distinctions dismiss that everyone in both groups are beloveds of God. The anger is being used to provoke fear, sell products, pass unjust laws, and elect politicians. The anger is being USED.

And James points out directly that the people who want others to get angry are selling them on the idea that if they get angry enough, they will provoke God to action. James says it won't work though. God will act when God will act, and furthermore, prayer is a better way to go about it. Anger serves the people promoting it, not God.

But what about righteous anger? As I've been saying recently, anger is a “secondary” emotion. That is, it exists like a red flag to mark a place where something that is held precious is being violated. It lets us know when our values are attacked, and underneath that is another emotion. Most often anger is there to act as the bodyguard to sadness or the diversion to fear.

Sadness and fear are sufficient. They can guide us to good action, they can show us the ways of compassion, they can help us grow together. They are wise enough, that once we find them, we can let go of the anger that guided us to them.

Which means that the way to be “slow to anger” is often to identify anger, and then sit with it and find out what is underneath it. It means that we sometimes need to listen – to ourselves and our tender emotions. God is there, with us when we listen, with us when we feel, with us when we discover what is under our anger. This is, even, a form of God's healing, God's salve in our lives.

Of course, “be slow to anger” is the third piece of advice we're given in today's passage. The first two are to be quick to listen and slow to speak. It seems clear that James' advice is aimed at faith COMMUNITIES, because his advice is aimed at deepening and maintaining good relationships among the followers of Jesus.

For the past several years, I have participated in “listening circles.” These intentional spaces have careful guidelines that are aimed at making sure there is holy and sacred space for listening – and speaking. At times there have been 20 or 30 people in these circles, and you might think that there would be a lot more speaking than listening. But, there isn't. Often there are prolonged silences between speakers, and they feel like time to absorb the wisdom one beloved of God has offered. When the obligation to have a response is taken away, along with the tendency toward chit-chat, there is spaciousness for silence and listening.

When I hear James say, “be quick to listen, slow to speak” I think of how healing those circles have been in my life. I love being freed from having to have a response to something someone says, and instead just listen to them and receive their wisdom. And, when I do speak into such a space, I am astounded at the power that comes with being heard with love.

As much as I have loved these experiences though, it isn't clear to me how to live “be quick to listen, slow to speak” ALL the time. Really listening to another of God's beloveds takes energy and attention, and … let's be honest dear ones, those are finite resources!!! We will drain ourselves if we try to listen WELL all the time. (I've tried.)

That said, there is a being who is capable of listening with complete attention, and full energy, with love and compassion, with care and support – all day, every day, to all of us. God, the creator, sustainer, redeemer has gifted us with life, and God is with us breathing new life into us day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, and even second by second. When we seek God in prayer and meditation, we find that God is close at hand, ready and able to offer us healing. When all we have to offer are sighs too deep for words, God knows what we mean. When we are full of words, God listens until we have exhausted them. When we are able to be with the Divine in holy silence, God meets us there. And, of course, when what we offer God is our listening, …

well, that's when things really start to happen ;)

James encourages us to an active faith – not just to worship God once a week, but to live out faith in every day. He reminds us that the very people the world dismisses (the “widows and orphans”) are the ones that followers of Christ take care of. James doesn't hate the world – though he isn't impressed with it either - but he doesn't think being angry with it is going to change it. James encourages the people of faith to act differently. Take care of the struggling and vulnerable, listen deeply, speak with intention, slow down anger and learn its lessons instead of acting it out. Don't replicate the brokenness of the world – change it.

So, dear ones of God, I invite you to God's restoration, God's healing of the world, God's work of the Kindom: be quick to listen; be slow to speak; be slow to anger. With such “simple” acts as these, we can heal the world. May God help us. Amen

Rev. Sara E. Baron 

First United Methodist Church of Schenectady 

603 State St. Schenectady, NY 12305 

Pronouns: she/her/hers 

http://fumcschenectady.org/ 

https://www.facebook.com/FUMCSchenectady

September 5, 2021

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 43 - watching notes

The sun is setting on this show for me and I'm not ready to say goodbye yet 😔

(As if I will! Ha. Imma blog about nothing else the next ... probably years)

Last time on Sophie watches the untamed: We're still in the restricted section. The twin love-struck idiots of lan and wwx found the Collection of turmoil and suspect Jin Guangyao of intentionally bringing about Nie Mingjue's qui deviation.

As much as I love the "hihi. Wwx is wearing his boyfriend's underrobe" aspect of this, I also like the visual incorporation of lwj's colour scheme into wwx's clothes. (Not just through the undertone, his black tone also has slight grey seam.) It's as if now that they are finally fully committed to each other, wwx is displaying it for all the world to see

Jin Guangyao tore out a page to hide the evidence. That's not how to do that!!!

My heart is breaking for Lan Xichen. He looks like a man standing on a train track and watching the light speed towards him in horror while he's unable to move away

Feels like exactly no one on this show is getting their happy ending

*thinks about yi city and cries forever*😭😭😭

"Wangji, Jin Guangyao,in my eyes, is a totally different person from how you and other people see him." And we all know that lwj knows exactly what that's like

PARALLELS! 😭

(Sorry, I have a thing for those)

And lwj looks so pained

Thinking about it, it's now the man lwj loves against the man lxc loves (in whatever way. I still ship them. Not sure if its "canonically" romantic though). They can't both be right, so ... one of them is going to get their heart broken

Great, first the Yunmeng brothers, now the lan brothers are breaking my heart 🥺

Lwj says he's visiting "Grand Master", that's Lan Qiren right? What happened to him anyway? Haven't seen him in ages

I love how, even though it is wwx's word against jgy's right now, lan Xichen is still genuinely kind towards wwx

The whipping scars! I hadn't even thought about those anymore 😳

I'm probably going to get my heart ripped out soon, but before that

"You are not qualified to talk to me."

Sickest. Burn. Ever.

Also, no disrespect to the actor, but that's a backpfeifengesicht if I've ever seen one

(Backpfeifengesicht: "German compound word for a 'face that should be slapped'. Ex:. When GWB smirks on TV, my German friend Uwe tells me that he sees a 'Backpfeifengesicht'." Urban dictionary)

He went to burial mount after wwx was killed??? 🥺🥺🥺

I've noticed something with lwj. When he's distressed, he won't look people in the eye or not even at their faces, just in their very general direction. To me it seems like he almost... can't? Any thoughts on that? Cause I'm intrigued but I can't think about it too much right now cause I'm already writing half an essay in this commentary again 😅

Oh fuck YOU Jiggy!!!

Holy shit ... holy shit

Lan Wangji 🥺🥺🥺

He fought against everyone?

This is how he showed his grieve???

He went to the place wei Wuxian had called home and ... what? Protected or ot so they wouldn't desecrate it? To search for him? To ... what?

Oh god, Wangji! 😭

That image... I'm speechless. It's so powerful

He's half-mad with grieve and kneeling in the ruins of his dead loves home, having fought himself to exhaustion and I'm... not okay 😭😭😭

He had to repent for THREE YEARS??

Oh no, you don't

Holy ...

Holy shit

How can my heart break and be so full at the same time 💔🥺

Lan Wangji ... my love

I'm ... so proud of him and yet so sad

Here he is at his lowest, finally standing up to the orthodoxy he knows to be wrong

This is inhumane 😳

The corporal punishment of the lan sect always was but THIS

Fuck them

Or Lan Qiren specifically

That's his nephew. How can he even look at himself?

"Eradicate evil. Establish laws. Than goodness will be everlasting."

IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING EASY!!!

WHAT EVEN IS "GOODNESS"? WHOSE VERSION OF GOODNESS? DEVINE EVIL! HOW FAR REACHING INTO THE PRIVATE SVERE SHOULD THUSE LAWS BE? DOES IT STOP AT "DON'T STEAL FROM PEOPLE OR AT "DON'T PICK YOUR NOSE AT DINNER"?

what I'm saying is: there are about 200 ethical question ls being raised by this rule alone!

And now lan Wangji had 3 tears to contemplate them

Wwx asking "why would he bother ...?" BECAUSE YOU ARE LOVED YOU GODDAMN IDIOT!!

Ohhh! We're getting their parents' story 😱

Oh this IS a Lan episode 💙

So another Lan falling quickly and never looking back?

I'm sensing a pattern here 🤨

Wait what?

Let me get this straight:

Their father loved a woman who DID NOT love him back and then killed one of his teachers

(And I hope we find out why. That sounds like there is a REALLY interesting story there)

Then he takes her to cloud recess and DESPIT HER NOT LOVING HIM, marries her, fathers two children with her (um... how voluntary was that????) locks her up (as punishment for the murder?) then locks HIMSELF up and then fucks of and leaves his children with their uncle

What kind of disaster human being was their dad????

Did he do the right thing WHEN HE MARRIED AND PROBABLY RAPED A WOMAN WHO DIDN'T LOVE HIM???

NO!!!

The fuck kinda question is that ??

If you have to marry her against her will and then lock her up, guess what? That's not love, that's wanting to possess someone

I hope that maybe the connotation is different in the og Chinese,but I'm not holding out much hope

That explains why Qiren is such a lovely character through 😒

But god, my heart breaks for lwj and lxc :'(

Little Lan Wangji!!! 🥺🥺🥺

Oh darling ...

Oh no ...

Look at him look at his crooked little headband😭😭😭

He went there every month!!!

Oh Wangji 💔💔

Stubborn, steadfast, loving Wangji!

That seals it. I KNEW why he was my favourite character

He isn't so passive all the time, because he feels too little! He feels entirely too much!!! 😭😭😭

And that explains why lwj was so worried about wwx's demonic cultivation harming him!!! 😭

Oh god, it was such an old hurt for him. I had no idea 🥺🥺🥺

All of these characters need a therapist

Lxc playing the flute to what ... deal with his emotions? Express his grieve? Remeber their mother? (And god, do I want to know more about her!!) Either way, It's making me tear up 😥

"It's so difficult to determine others personalities depending on our perspective." Welcome to the human condition, my friend 💙

And that's love

I ... wish I could show you my face right now

I'm smiling through tears right now

It's so utterly beautiful

He looks so vulnerable here! With his hair (almost) down

And given what we've just learned, that's remarkable!!!

He closed himself off became the immovable stone-faced second Jade of Lan and yet, somehow, wwx wormed his way into his heart and sure, both of them needed to overcome a lot, but here they are, vulnerable and open,not letting their parent's fate decide theirs

I'm... *sniff*

I can never get enough of lwj with his hair like this!!

It's so domestic, so soft

And look at his face! 😭

And mister "alcohol is prohibited" is now serving it 😭

Oh my god this scene is so beautiful

I'm speechless

Was the second flute Jin Guangyao as well?

At this point I'm just expecting more plot-twists

He looks so young! 🥺

Both of them are exhibiting so much growth in this episode!! Wwx realising that the fact that the cultivation world had always looked for a scapegoat and that he himself was just the most convenient target, that it's not to any personal failing of his, that's HUGE!

And I'm so proud of him :')

Lwj starting to play in the distance :')

This is so utterly peaceful

My heart is bursting 😭😭😭

The music, the scenery ...

Also, both thinking they have a clean conscious!!! 😭😭😭

Again, it's them holding the same morals that's important! I cannot tell you how happy that makes me!

(But wwx still cannot drink like a normal person :D)

The contrast to lxc sitting alone couldn't be starker 😔

Wait, why are there puppets at burial mounds again?

Are we going back to burial mounds? I'm weirdly excited 😅

Aaand Jin Guangyao just proved to them that he's lying. Poor Xichen

Yup, I'm pretty sure his heart just snapped in half

Little Apple!!! I've missed him 😁

Gosh, they're laying it on thick with the domestic husband bliss this episode and I'm here for it.

I love lwj's soft smile when he looks at bunnies so much!! 🥰

Bunnies, bunnies everywhere

It's the invasion of the bunnies

Who ever is the show runner *banging pots and pans together* IT'S GAY!! cab you all hear me? These two love each other! It's G - A - Y!!! Gay!!!

Probably

Lwj's shocked look when wwx says that he's not popular with little animals, as if to say "how dare they!" :D

Holy shit ... HOW MANY SCENES CAN THEY INCLUDE IN THIS EPISODE THAT MAKE THEM LOOK SO GODDAMN MARRIED???

Is wwx sitting side saddle?

Wwx plays wangxian :')

He finally remembers how lwj recognized him :')

Sneaky, show, very sneaky :D

Wwx about to casually steal some melons, lwj *wordlessly takes out money* ^^

MIANMIAN!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!

I'd given up hope that we'd see her again!!!

I'm so happy I could burst!!!

Lwj's little exasperated head-shake before he stands up from crouching behind some hay 😂

Aww, look at her family! 😍😍😍

She build her own live :')

And look at this badass woman protecting the ones she loves!!!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME WEI WUXIAN??? You don't remember her???

You better remember my wife!!!

Aaand another freeze frame. But I'm willing to forgive it because THIS EPISODE WAS SO GODDAMN BRILLIANT!

It made me realise why I was so drawn to lan Wangji as a character. Of course he is mu favourite character! He ticks every single box

Let me explain. My favourite characters almost always share the following characteristics: seems either cold and distant or ethereal and aloof, as if they are above such puny human things like feelings™️(bonus if they're actually not human and their argument is "I'm [insert species]. We can't feel [insert emotion they are definetly feeling very strongly]"). then, over the course of the story, we (along with they themselves because they were in denial) discover that it's not that they feel too little, they feel entirely too much. They're a sea of emotions so deep that the surface is calm, but don't you dare be near them when the storm is coming because all hell will break loose. (extra bonus point if that storm involves them rebelling against the oppressive society they were born into and adhered to until then because they realise their consciousness won't allow it any longer.) afterwards they realise that making themselves vulnerable once in a while is actually a good thing and they proceed to fuck the Rebel™️ who they've secretly been in love with the entire time, a feeling they only now allow themselves to act on

The last part sadly isn't always canon, but who has ever had time for that?

You know what this episode made me realise most of all? The Lan sect are just as human as the rest of them. In fact, they seem to be especially prone to acting rashly on strong emotions. (I don't remember the exact story, but didn't the founder of the Lan sect also have some kind of tragic love story?) It should be obvious, but the impression you get is that they are so detached from their wants, so rigorous and disciplined in their righteousness, that they are almost super-human. But no. Thise 3000 and some rules? They weren't born out of some enlightened mind that had the secret of live figures out, they're a crutch. Abiding by them without question rids one of responsibility to make even the tiniest moral choice for oneself. But that won't work because a) they're bounty to contradict each other at some point and b) that's not how human beings work. They're messy and unpredictable and beautifully complicated. The way Lan Qiren choses to apply them, he completely disregards that. At that point, the rules aren't there anymore to grant a harmonious society, but simply for their own sake. (Or maybe as a wall to hide behind)

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose

I think this liveblog has been the longest so far. I'm sorry for going on so many tangents, but lwj's backstory hit me really hard. I hope you guys weren't too bored 💚

(I also apologise for the mountains of typos that probably accumulated in this post. I'm too tired to check.)