#spilled thoughts

[remanence-of-love]

[poetry-siir]

"Don't resist what the universe offers you, flow with the current of love and abundance."

[thepersonalquotes]

[whispersofthepurplevalley]

The secret to a long lasting relationship is making uncomfortable conversations normal. Addressing unpleasant truths; pointing out the traits that bother you; being told about your own drawbacks; and being corrected sometimes. And everything with zero fear of offending the other person. You need to have the courage and tactfulness to adjust, compromise and protect your integrity at the same time.

-Sabina Yesmin

[fairydrowning]

"I must change my life so that I can live it, not wait for it."

– Susan Sontag, Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1964

[luuunamoooona]

You know you want it 😏

[a-cloak]

i’m so mentally stable. it’s insane

[azrielgreen]

The Way It Shouldn't Be - Part Four

They're frozen in idiotic repose.

Muscles weak, the slow ebb of pleasure still not gone, it lingers in their blood and their skin and all the hollow places that pleasure is wont to pool, puddle-like and lovely.

And the person knocks again.

'Um,' Steve says intelligently, brain short circuiting. 'Uhhh...'

Eddie snaps out of it first, he twists and manoeuvres and then hides himself down in the footwell of the back. 'Get your shirt on and open the window a crack.'

Steve's laissez-faire attitude mostly comes from the semi-certainty that he's dreaming.

'I should--what?'

Eddie grunts. 'I'll hide. You... answer. '

'Mr Harrington,' comes the voice of what Steve thinks is the reception lady, Mrs Harper. 'You and your friend are missing class.'

It's the worst possible time to get the giggles.

Steve pulls his t-shirt in, pants too when he finds them except they're not his, they're Eddie's.

'Y-yeah, I'm coming.'

He's got his come all over himself.

It shouldn't be funny.

'You're a psychopath,' Eddie informs him, still trying to hide. 'Get in the front seat and act cool!'

Steve gets there, breathless with laughter that feels like fingers pressing on his ribs, seeking the in between spaces to make chemical humour and hysteria.

He tries to bite it down as he cracks the window the very bare minimum.

Mrs. Harper looks unimpressed.

'Lunch ended half an hour ago.'

'I'm... very sick,' he tells her, affecting a grimace. 'Yeah, lunch did not agree with me. I threw up and then came here to... feel bad. Alone. In my car.'

She cocks a brow.

'Alone.'

'D-definitely.'

*

Eddie's mad at him.

He's not speaking to Steve.

Well, OK, maybe Steve is letting his imagination run riot there. It's been like a day. No one knows (they think) and they parted ways after Harper wandered off.

Eddie hasn't come by.

Steve is... well, he's spiralling a little.

Thinks he fucked up when he said he loved Eddie.

Eddie didn't say it back.

Steve gets drunk.

He's good at it.

Sits by his pool, drinks and smokes and sulks. He's fantastic at that.

And that's where Eddie finds him.

'Do you know how stupid it is to drink near a pool?'

Steve flinches, looks up.

'Eddie.'

Eddie kicks off his boots and socks, sits beside Steve and dips his feet in the water.

'One and only.' He plucks the cigarette from Steve's fingers, takes a drag. 'Are you moping?'

'I'm sulking and no of course not! This is my house and my pool, I can do whatever I want!'

Eddie looks at him. 'Much as I can't believe I'm about to say this, we need to talk.'

Steve looks down, eyes stinging.

He doesn't want this.

Knows what those words mean.

He's fucked up, laid himself bare, put Eddie in an awkward position. He messed up and here comes the punishment.

'I'm not good for you.'

Steve blinks, his tears drop into the pool and then he looks over. 'Huh?'

'I'm not good for you,' Eddie repeats calmly. 'I'll derail your whole life. I. I kinda already have.'

'No you haven't.'

Eddie shoots him a look.

'OK, maybe you have but like, in the best way. I don't want life on the tracks or whatever. I like this, with you. I love you, Eddie.'

'Steve, you're drunk.'

'And I still love you. Look, if you came here to end it, that's fine.' It's so not fine. 'But don't make out like it's the best thing for me or whatever. Don't do that. I want you. I want us. If you don't, you gotta say it.'

Eddie's quiet for a beat. The chlorinated water ripples. The cicadas sing.

'I want it too. I want us.'

Steve waits, then asks, '...but?'

'I think,' Eddie says slowly, choosing his words. 'I'm scared to have you for my own. To believe that I get to have you this way.'

'Scared of what?'

'Scared of losing it. Losing you.'

Steve touches his face, clumsy affection of three fingers while the sun sets and the sky darkens.

'You can't lose me.'

Eddie swallows, stares ahead. 'I've lost people before. It's. It's hard for me to have something that's mine.'

'I wanna be yours,' Steve whispers, throat so full it's swollen with all the things he feels as they cram for freedom. 'I want to go to prom with you.'

'We can't. You know we can't.'

'Then I wanna dance with you here and fuck you here and love you here too. I want to be where you are and nowhere else.'

Eddie looks back and Steve, gaze softening. 'You're definitely drunk.'

Steve holds his gaze. 'I love you. I don't love many people but I love you, Eddie. That won't change.'

'It might.'

He takes the last of the cigarette back.

'Then I guess you have to decide if I'm worth the risk.'

It's a long time before Eddie gets up, walks away and leaves.

Steve waits to hear the door click shut before he lets the tears spill.

*

Final part next week.

[sujaayyyyy]

“Love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling”

—Oscar Wilde

[remanence-of-love]

[poetry-siir]

Mi habitación, luces a medio encender, paredes pintadas con sombras, silencio y lluvia que retumba en el techo. Todo me parece desconocido, miro mi reflejo en el espejo y siento que soy una intrusa atrapada en esta caja de cuatro paredes. Me desconozco y desconozco esta mentira llena de adornos, de deseos, de objetos, de colores, de abismos y de trampas sin identidad me he convertido en una más. En mi habitación me río de lo trágico y cómico que puede ser vivir, unos se anestesian con vendarse los ojos y escuchar lo que quieren escuchar, en cambio yo prefiero ir con los ojos bien abiertos sintiendo la oscuridad y a veces tratando de huir de las manos siniestras que mueven los hilos…

-Belle Moon

[thepersonalquotes]

[whispersofthepurplevalley]

TIPS for HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

1. REMEMBER that any relationship is so much more than just a feeling. It requires an adequate amount of communication, reciprocation and space for one to grow within it.

2. PAY ATTENTION to how they treat your trivial affairs, and pay attention to how that makes you feel. Then, let the other person know. Avoid forming assumptions based on your limited perception.

3. GIVING with an abundant heart is a pretty gesture in any relationship, but always being the one to give may actually be a siren call. Be aware.

4. SET BOUNDARIES. Do not ever forget who you were before you crossed their path. You were a complete being with a goal to reach before they were ADDED to your life.

5. If you constantly have to find different ways to gain their attention, CALCULATE if you are investing your time and energy in the right place. A good person and a person with a good understanding of relationships aren't always the same people.

6. LEARN to say NO to yourself when you know that hanging onto a person or a feeling wouldn't bring you any growth. Do not become the clip to your own wings. Do not become your own prison.

-Sabina Yesmin

[fairydrowning]

"You know, love doesn't mean "l never want you to change." But I don't think it means "I don't care if you change" either. So I suppose it might mean, "I believe that you'll always be the person I adore." A declaration of faith, perhaps."

– Sayaka Saeki, やがて君になる (Bloom into You), Via "freckled-lili" on Tumblr

[luuunamoooona]

Someone told me if you can't pass the pencil test, you're not perky. What do you all think? (.)(.)

[siir-poesia]

Tú... que eres parte activa del sol, materia proscrita y lejana... de las estrellas que nos miran. Que eres... hermanastro de la luz, amante varón encendido de la oscuridad "que repica". Que eres... semilla en mil gramos de fe y conexión imaginaria... de una fiera "primitiva". Tú... que formas parte de mí sin que te toquen mis manos en el abismo hondo de la carne. … ( Que formas parte de un dios silencioso, en su ausencia de siglos ). Que eres... tierra removida sabiamente por el arado de lo imposible; que eres risa, llanto y dudas, ¡ intrínseco miedo y ceniza ! Que eres... agua inmaculada y clara, sol, tormenta, luz y semilla; que eres... lo que nadie ¡ se explica ! Ousía Poética © Leandro Lojek.