#spork child

[discount--dracula]

today i'm saying farewell to my darlings (only for a short while, but it hurts nonetheless)

see you in our new home lovelies

[bitletsanddrabbles]

Stolen Child: A Much Needed Screaming Fit

Okay, so, as I said earlier - I'm fine. The story's fine. I'm not angry at anyone about anything or shouting at or accusing anyone of anything or any of that sort of thing that I might come across as somehow because I'm shouting and only sort of semi-coherently. I'm just shouting because I need to shout.

Basically, I've been feeling increasingly just…tired and tense? The temperature spike this weekend did not help at all, since I am not a heat person and it narfs my sleep. And my brain finally phrased last month as "I didn't have a single day off in August because every time I wasn't at work I was some stripe of not-feeling-well", at which point the rest of my mind and body went "YES EXACTLY!" and doubled down on the exhaustion and anxiety. I also have another routine medical appointment next Tuesday and something going on with my hand that looks kinda like ringworm, but doesn't act like ringworm (and how would I have picked up ringworm there?), which I will need to make another appointment for. Which means I really need to have a good, old fashioned, overstimulated three-year-old level melt down about something I care about, but that is not ultimately important to the universe and then go…I dunno. Maybe eat some ice cream and take a nap. Definitely with the napping.

Since Stolen Child is kinda the Big Craft Community Craft Thing right now and ranting about it could, conceivably, generate some useful dialogue which always results in Happy Brain Chemicals (useful right now!), we're going with that one. So if you feel like reading through the flailing mental health fail rant and giving advice, observations, feedback, or just patting me on the head and saying "Don't forget to breathe, dear. Air is important", go right on ahead. If you don't, eh. Not your job. Feel free to keep scrolling.

And now! Here we go! Ready, set - MELT DOWN!

This right here? Is a great comment. It's a lovely comment. I love informative comments like this! There's only one problem with it:

I SERIOUSLY NEEDED THIS INFO BACK WHEN I WAS PLANNING THE ORIGINAL STORY!

See, back in 2017, when I was first plotting this whole thing, my plan was to have him wind up…not heir. I seriously think he'd be happier doing like Tom and Henry and living at Downton, but running a clock shop somewhere and letting Mary run the estate and George be the heir. Thing is, I didn't know that was possible just like that. I hadn't made any of my UK fan-friends at the time (heck, I don't think I had this account yet?). As I have mentioned a million times, I fail at research, although I have been slowly getting a bit better with help. So at the time I thought that an Earl's son became the heir, no questions asked, and no options unless they abdicated which was fully what I intended on having Thomas do after a bit of trying and getting a headache and having him and Mary both unintentionally-but-avoidably stomp all over each other's toes. Then I started rewatching (didn't make it through season one because I have officially hit the 'can't really watch things on my own' stage) and was immediately reminded that Matthew didn't have a choice but to be heir. Oh! Oops! Guess Thomas can't abdicate! Which is how we wound up with the current draft.

And this comment.

Now, I have no reason to disbelieve the statement that they don't need to recognize Thomas, but I can't think of why my UK friends wouldn't have pointed it out at some point, except that I did always call it the Thomas-as-Heir fic which could have lead to the concept that heir was my desired end game. Or perhaps it was one of those things that just didn't get questioned because subconsciously they thought it was my desired end game. Or maybe something else perfectly logical! I mean, there are reasons it could have happened, but my brain is not braining good right now, so. Point being, I didn't know and I'm still not sure and this firmly falls outside of my 'things I can comfortably research'. If it were modern, sure! But history?

Seriously, my researching lessons in school extended to 'go to the library and read a book' and stopped. There was nothing about how to gauge how trustworthy the book was, or if there was, I didn't learn it because I moved through three school districts (five if you count college and uni) and wasn't in the right district at the right time. Given how obvious it is that there are a lot of history books out there that straight up lie (and I don't just mean the school texts. I've tried to teach myself history in recent years and wound up straight up calling bull shit on several books), this leads to massive trust issues. I asked at my local library if they had a research librarian on staff and bless his heart, the fellow I was talking to didn't even know what that was. There's another library nearby that is bigger, but I keep forgetting that it's part of our library system now and honestly I don't even know how to drive there and don't like driving in that area anyway and I'm not even sure the busses will take me there in a reasonable manner given public transport in this area. I know I've heard of a couple other tricks over the years that I've carefully noted down in places I've forgotten about so that I could reference them later.

…yeah.

And if it is true (which I have every reason to believe it is), what then? I've already set up the entire story to have Thomas be recognized as heir! I mean, I could put it on hold and rewrite the ending. There are a couple of scenes that would be easy, but others would be straight up impossible. I'd also have to lose at least three scenes that I've been looking forward to sharing and that people would love, and I don't know what I'd replace them with, and I'd have to rewrite the dinner scene (*straight up cries at the thought*), and I am a slow writer, so I have no idea when it would be done! I kinda hate the idea of telling everyone "We're going to be a chapter a week!" and then three chapters later going "Haha, just kidding! Indefinite hiatus while I fix the entire plot!" Especially since right now reader comments are definitely my primary 'happy chemical' source and I need that! On the other hand, I really, really love the idea of this being a one shot and not having to figure out what happens next! But it might not get done for another ten years if I try that!

If I do stick with him as heir, it seems like people would know that not recognizing him was an option, so I'd still need to do some rewriting to explain why he winds up heir! And why would he? The only thing I can come up with given my current setting is Cora pitching an ever loving (dignified, restrained) fit over the idea of not acknowledging him and he and Robert just going "OKAY OKAY WE YIELD!" which will still take some rewriting, but a lot less (I think I can keep the rewrites ahead of the posting schedule for the most part maybe?), and will still leave me figuring out where we go from here, but might work as a decent compromise?

Either way, I have to figure out what I'm doing before I post next week's chapter! And all my brain wants to do is melt into a puddle of goo for a month! The idea of trying to research or plot or anything like that just makes me want to sit in the shower and cry! I WANT A MONTH'S VACATION FROM LIFE, DAMN IT ALL!

Edit: I now have an appointment to have my hand looked at this Wednesday.

[dozenssporks]

such a precocious child, not even two years old and already filled with murderous thoughts

[bellaswansong]

hey guys is it just me or have we all been interpreting "never love an anchor" completely wrong this whole time? i finally gave in and listened to it a while back, and yeah, its super good (it gets stuck in my head all the time) but i think it's actually about something else

the line that stuck with me was "never tied your shoes." it just seemed a little out of place for the romantic reading of the song. now im not great at interpreting the entire meaning of a song just from listening to it, so i looked up the lyrics and it just made me even more sure

let's start with the last two stanzas:

"you are someone i have loved but never known" doesn't seem to me like it fits a romantic relationship very well; i realise that you can feel like you dont know someone if theyre super closed off, but the rest of the song seems like the singer is apologising for being closed off or inaccessible or not allowing someone to love them, and if we take it as the person being too closed off to get to know, this feels like a break from the previously described dynamic, as if the singer is reversing their positions.

"never soothed your fevers," "never tied your shoes," "never held you gently," all of these are things that parents do. "never had the chance to lose you" also just doesn't make sense if the feelings are romantic, because even if you never express your feelings for someone it still feels like a loss when you lose them.

and if we apply this parenthood interpretation to "you are someone i have loved but never known," it almost seems like the singer is talking about a child who died or a pregnancy they aborted, but the next stanza contradicts that by addressing the child as if they are still alive and able to interact with others; "i am all the things they might've said to you."

so i think this is about giving a child up for adoption.

the rest of the song still makes sense, too. here's the first two stanzas:

"it's a secret i keep tucked inside my chest" - it is so so so common for women who give up a child for adoption to keep it a secret from family and future partners. my grandmother had a child between marriages, gave it up for adoption, and then listed it as a past stillbirth on the birth certificates of all her kids after that.

"with this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful" - regret is one of the most COMMON things people talk about feeling when they miss their chance to confess to a romantic interest. this line does not fit with that interpretation, but it does fit with the adoption idea. the narrator is not remorseful because they know this was the best option for the child.

"i couldn't bring myself to hold you" this one just hurts man

and finally the middle stanza, which i think is the most ambiguous, but also hits the hardest when you have this meaning in mind:

(umbilical cord metaphor btw)

ok thats all. sorry about your ships but i think this song is about putting your newborn child up for adoption

[sporkberries]

Shado hated what she was turned into. Throughout Grell’s GA she constantly stresses over her son suffering the same fate she had- being turned into an assasin slave for the yakzua

Which is why i hate what she was turned into even more. She is a LOVING mother and i hate they took that from her

[searsage]

[recapitulation]

it's like they say. a man's best friend is his gatorade bottle cap

[ID: photos of Spatula, a brown tabby cat, laying on a bed with an orange gatorade bottle cap. /end ID]

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (14-20 Jul 2024)

these eps are not getting any more hinged i will tell you that for free

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

😍 Baby Steps (BlueSimplicity) - 115K, stucky - really excellent fic with Steve having to step up and take care of a de-aged Bucky, which he fails hard at initially but then sorts himself out and learns to rely on his team. Just so, so good!

😊 Triple Sec (TJ Alexander, author; Jeremy Carlisle Parker, narrator) - I liked all the characters but found myself not really connecting with any of them so I kept putting this down to prioritize other things and took me forever to finish; @81% made decision to get ebook to complete and then when the hold finally came in I finished it in like an hour. AND I really liked that last 20% a lot -- Mel felt a lot less annoying to me. So for this one, audio was not the format for me, though I don't have any complaints about the narrator. I ultimately did enjoy the plot overall even as Mel kind of got on my nerves.

😊 An Assassination on the Agenda: A Lady Hardcastle Mystery, Book 11 (T.E. Kinsey, author; Elizabeth Knowelden, narrator) - Flo & Emily, always a romp. This is a series the reverse of the above, where I don't think I'd enjoy them nearly as much if reading text.

Descendants of Cyrano (letmetellyouaboutmyfeels) - 55K Buddie canon divergent where they work out their feelings via D&D - super entertaining. Never has the tag 'the rituals are intricate' been more appropriate

💖💖 +67K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

Collection: Corroded Coffin Fest (thisapplepielife) - Stranger Things: Corroded Coffin, sometimes Steddie, 24K (ongoing) - a collection of loosely interconnected 1000 word stories mainly about CC & its members - I really enjoyed this author's vision of the band. Also hitting that 1000 word precisely every time is an achievement.

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Taskmaster - s4, e4-8; s12, e1-5

Smartypants - s1, e7

Um, Actually - s9, e11

Monét's Slumber Party - s1, e1

D20: Never Stop Blowing Up - "Under the Night Sun" (s22, e4)

D20: Adventuring Party - "Gender Cascade" (s17, e4)

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

⭐ Hit Parade - Song(s) of the Summer Edition

Consider This - A would-be assassin targets Trump. What it could mean for America.

Short Wave - The Dubious Consent Question At The Heart Of The Human Genome Project

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Mother Jones and the Battle of Blair Mountain

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Longlegs is a (satanic) panic

The Sporkful - 2 Chefs And A Lie: Deconstructed Coney Dog Edition

WikiHole - Bruce Springsteen (with Ted Danson, Rashida Jones and Mike Schur)

WikiHole - Mondegreen (with Vanessa Bayer, Anthony Atamanuik and Gil Ozeri)

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - My Life in Three Places: Dylan Thuras

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Exploding Kittens is a simple card game turned wild cartoon

Vibe Check - Do It While It’s Still Legal

Outward - Can you love the bigotry away? Queer Advice with Mathew Rodriguez

If Books Could Kill - Breaking News Re-Release: "Hillbilly Elegy"

⭐ Decoder Ring - The Secret Life of Lawn Ornaments

⭐ This is Love - Switched-On

Pop Culture Happy Hour - We unpack the 2024 Emmy nominations

Re: Dracula - July 18: Trouble Ahead

⭐ 99% Invisible - A River Runs Through Los Angeles

Wild Card - LeVar Burton is learning to embrace the chaos

Re-Creative - John Scalzi

Re: Dracula - July 19: Present Craving

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Twisters and what's making us happy

Dear Prudence - I Am Swamped With Plans and I Hate It. Help!

Dear Prudence - Prudie Plus: I Am Having A Hard Time Separating the Actions of My Neighbors From Their Race. Help!

It's Been a Minute - The rise of the AR-15; plus, why do comedians play so many cops?

Switched on Pop - The music industry's AI fight

Consider This - USA Gymnastics made a miraculous comeback — but is it actually safer for Olympians?

Re: Dracula - July 20: Most Difficult and Vital Aspect

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

Songs of Summer 2024

All-Time Summer Jams

'80s Pop Party

Rock Radio • 1970s

[captain-crowfish]

Mah birthday gifts to myself, Bone Apple Tea

Bonus:

[stealingpotatoes]

Little spitfire Leia standing triumphant over a vanquished Palps, spork in hand, proceeds to crowdsurf out of there on a gaggle of cheering clones she charmed the moment she landed.

they just adopt her, as you should do if a child kills your shitty evil boss

[stevesjockstrap]

Digging Holes

@steddiemicrofic prompt ‘hole’ | 404 words | rated G

cw: implied past child abuse • read on ao3

Steve watched the kids playing in their backyard, digging happily in the sandbox Uncle Wayne had made for them. The neighbor boy had come over, and his girls sometimes needed to set some boundaries with him but otherwise everything usually went well.

He brought them juice boxes or granola bars from time to time but tried his best to let them play uninterrupted. Eddie always claimed he was a helicopter parent, but he felt he was more than entitled to a little paranoia.

Smirking as his youngest again reminded the neighbor to not fling sand around, he watched as she looked around the backyard for him. Once she knew he was just on the patio, she went back to playing. That was something else he enjoyed, that his girls knew to keep an eye out.

Eddie snuck out of the house and slid in beside him.

“How are you going to helicopter from all the way over here, babe?” He teased, pressing a kiss to his temple.

“I am not helicoptering. How are you going to rile them up from all the way over here?”

Things seemed to get tense all at once, both of his girls’ heads popping up to locate their dads.

“We reached the bottom of the sandbox! How are we going to dig a hole to China?!” The neighbor kid yelled louder so the adults could now hear him.

Suddenly Steve was back at recess as a small kid, watching a classmate with shorn dark hair and a black eye explain that he was digging a hole to China with his spork from the cafeteria. He had taken one long look at the kid and grabbed a nearby stick to help him.

“Woah,” Steve whispered, shaking himself out of the thirty year old memory he had completely forgotten about (suffering several head injuries since then).

“What?” Eddie looked at him strangely.

“I dunno. I just remembered, I think. Helping you in, like, elementary school, maybe the same age as they are… dig a hole to China? You were using a spork?”

“Oh my god,” he breathed, eyes taking on a faraway look. “That was you?”

Steve nodded.

“Everyone always thought it was really weird. You were the only one who helped. I, uh, really wanted to get away. That was before, um, before I went to Wayne’s.”

He squeezed his hand on his knee. “I’m glad I helped.”

“Me too.”

[lilapplesheadcannons]

Merry Christmas, and welcome everyone to a very MDZS Christmas dinner.

Newly weds with embarrassing amount of PDA: Wangxian ✅️

Old couples with mushy nicknames for each other: XuanLi ✅️

Couple who are at high risk of announcing their wedding date over turkey: XiCheng ✅️

Couple who you are pretty sure will break up before New Year's Eve ( Wrong! They will be the one to get married before next Christmas): NieYao ✅️

Adults with full-time jobs banished to children's table: Wen Ning, HuaiSang ✅️

Wine aunt who's gearing up to call someone, anyone a damn fool: Wen Qing ✅️

Child snoring away in his dinner plate, resting his weary head on a pillow of Brussels Sprouts: A-Yuan

Child who has thrown more food around himself than actually swallowed and is currently trying to spear a pea with a spork: Jin Ling ✅️

Edgy teen planning his escape to meet up with the boy he is absolutely not dating at all: Mo XuanYu ✅️

[b0ylik3r]

I dont wanna get myself involved in any more ZADR discourse, but I also don't want misinfo to spread around and people to get discouraged or anything like I had been for a while. So I'm going to say this: Zim in Invader Zim is most likely a child.

There are a plethora of reasons I think this, but if you don't care then scroll. I'm going to provide my reasoning under the cut.

My first reason is that from a writing standpoint, there is absolutely nothing appealing about the dynamic between Dib and Zim if Zim is an adult. What would or do you find enjoyment out of their dynamic if they are not meant to be foils of one another like the show HEAVILY implies them to be NUMEROUS TIMES? If Zim is a child, their dynamic becomes "2 children want parental approval and go against each other for it, when in reality the approval and love they seek is unattainable because the parental figures will never give them it. They would be better off being friends or allies, but instead keep fighting to be loved because they're dumb kids and don't realize that it's fruitless and dumb". If Zim is an adult, their dynamic becomes "Immature man cannot beat child". What is to be enjoyed or explored there?

My second reason is that Zim acts like a child in a multitude of different ways. His interactions with The Tallest, his general immaturity, and even how he surrounds himself. He goes to school. He has made himself robot parents to support that idea. He needs different disguises to act like an adult. Again, from a writing standpoint, if he was an adult infiltrating a school building and pretending to be a kid, that's just fucking weird. I don't think Jhonen is that type of person. I don't think the writers are that type of people.

Also on this subject is the episode Tak: The Hideous New Girl. At the point of the episode, Zim was trying to impress and "crush on" and be the boyfriend of this middle school girl. It doesn't matter if Tak was actually irken. It doesn't matter if she is the same age as him actually. It doesn't change that Zim was trying to get into a human relationship with what he thought was a middle school girl. If he is an adult, that's pretty fucking weird. Again, I don't think Jhonen is that type of person and I don't think the writers are that type of people.

The "flying ships before you were born" only proves that on Irk, he was an adult or at least the age that would permit him to fly ships. Calendars are manmade, why would irkens use the same years? Zim's age could also easily translate into human years into the late tween years. We also have to think logically about things.

Also, I sometimes feel like people are forgetting that Irk is a dystopian society. They are a hyper-militarized alien race that codes people's brains on the daily and does not wait for the children to grow up even a little before they start military training (or, at least training for military training). What morals prevent them from using child labor or child soldiers? We also have to remember that in accordance to The Trial, Zim was a smeet or older allowed into violent chemicals and resources that can kill, like it did Tallest Miyuki and Tallest Spork. That, in a way, proves that Irkens are not above dangerous child labor.

One other argument I have is that in Enter The Florpus, during the species change clip, Zim, Dib and Gaz switch species. The thing is, Dib and Gaz look the same as Zim in this clip. They don't become little smeets, they don't become tiny kids. They become Zim's age. Zim also does not become an old man in this clip. He stays the same as Dib and Gaz. Being that these are their canon human/irken translations, I don't see how someone could still defend this.

You could take all of this and say "Okay, but ZADR is still proship because they are abusive to each other so why are you so pressed". But like I said in a previous post, there is a major difference between "haha 2 people fight each other n get hurt haha" and "this adult man is grooming this child sexually". That's not funny. That isn't cartoony. That is a fully serious topic taken seriously in every single media that it is represented in. Cartoony unserious fighting has been a staple for years in animation and media. Grooming is not cartoony. That is why so many people have a problem with it. Some people don't enjoy shipping things that are seriously fucked up in the real world like that, or shipping proships.

This all started because of one singular tweet Jhonen made that you all believed. I bet if he tweeted "guys invader zim didnt actually happen and dib was hallucinating the whole time, lmao dream theory is canon", some of you would believe it.

I leave you off with this: "If it looks, sounds & acts like a kid, it's a kid, no matter if it's actually 1000 years old or not."

[dozenssporks]

. . . the time at the orphanage animated in a different style, wordless, soft, even unreal. Then the change back to the regular style when the experiment has turned Wolfwood into an adult . . .

the softness and hope of childhood ripped away as he’s forced into adulthood, into ‘reality’, leaving everything that came before as little more than a dream . . .

. . . where did I leave my handkerchief . . .

[r-u-living]

Peter FUCKING Lucas. Bitchass horrible manky stinky loser has he ever taken a shower or whenever he steps into water does he start to cry like the wittle baby he is??? One look at a misty beach this man just starts to sob weep and wail the little twat he is "Oh boo hoo I'm an avatar of the fucking BABY!" EVERYONE IS LONELY YOU MOTHERFUCKING TONENAIL GIVE US BACK OUR MARTIN YOU TORY! AND I BET HES A FUCKING TORY AS WELL I CAN SEE HIM WITH THE SILLY LITTLE PATHETIC SMIRK LIKE "OOH LALA IM PETER HO HO HEHE IF I VOTE FOR THESE PRATS THEN EVERYONE WILL DISSOCIATE AND BE FUCKING DEPRESSED WITH THIS ABSOLUTE WET BEG OF HAM GOVERNMENT"

I'm literally twitching and vibrating right now I hate him so so so so so much I wish I could reach into the multiverse find the universe where tma exists and STRANGLE HIM! I know he has a massive motherfucking beard that reaches his knobbly ass knees and I BET YOU MY FIRSTBORN CHILD THERE IS CRUMBS LITTERED IN THERE LIKE A CAT AND HER KITTENS!! Does he even have stable bones or when the doctors cut him open do his bones just crumble into dust??? I promise on my mothers grave that he has dentures he came out the fucking womb with grey hair and a old man voice that can burn your ears from the inside out???? I have to take a brEAK FROM LISTENING TO THE BLOODY PODCAST CAUSE WHENEVER I HEARD PETER LUCAS'S GOD AWFUL CHEESE GRATER DOWN THE BLACKBORD VOICE I START TO TWICH AND GRIP THE THING IM HOLDING SO TIGHTLY I CRUMPLED SOME PAPER

If I was on the cusp of winning a game show for a billion million pounds and whoever said that I have to stay in a room with PETER FUCKING LUCAS and not stab him 7273728928273747382997474 times with a plastic spork that I sharpened on my own teeth I would pinkie promise I wouldn't then get in said room and stab him 7273728928273747382997474 with my plastic spork that I sharpened on my teeth.

Is this a copy of I fucking hate Jurgen Leitner? Probably but I HATE HiM SO MUCH I CAN EVEN CONSEPTULISE IT

[sporkberries]

solid snake grapples with his propensity for violence, he knows a part of him enjoys the killing. he's done awful terrible things for awful terrible people but its hard to blame him isnt it? its all he's ever known its what he was made for. the patriots and big boss ensured he'd never know a life outside the battlefield, that he'd crave it.

is big boss to blame?

big boss joined the military when he was only 15 and continued to be used as a tool by the us government and the patriots till he died. he did awful terrible things but its all he ever knew. the boss taught him to eat or be eaten since he was but a child. could he have been anything else.

so the boss must be to blame right?

the boss was born as a child of the philosophers, this life was her birthright in a way. sure she chose to join the military but its wwii and she was a hero, was that wrong? and then the war ends and how does her nation treat her, she is brutalized and used as a tool and eventually discarded so the states can have more cash. did she really have a choice in what was done to her? when they held her child hostage?

the point is that nobody has a fair hand and even the worst people can have sympathetic stories and tragedy. but in the end big boss chose to be what he was, solid snake defeats the patriots beats the system of war and abuse not by resigning himself to his fate and the cycle of killing but by rejecting it outright, by CHOOSING who he wanted to be