#st california dreaming

[aemiron-main]

no because I KNOW there’s gotta be something else up with “dream a little dream of me” from an analysis perspective. I have a hunch that it’s tied to byler somehow and I’m gonna figure out later. Especially considering that it’s one of two songs in ST that has been sung by the mamas and the papas at some point + the other one is “California Dreaming”, which is tied to Will in s4.

It’s interesting that they chose two songs that are really tied to the mamas and the papas and yet didn’t use the mamas and the papas version of either song (the s4 version of California dreaming is by the beach boys and weirdly enough didn’t come out until a few months after st4 is set so is technically anachronistic)

[coffee-in-that-nebula]

Does anyone else need a Captain Shaw spin-off or is it just me

[limeade-l3sbian]

Who was Kagney Linn Necessary?

(the gofundme for her memorial/funeral will be at the end.)

Kagney Linn Necessary was born in Harris County, Texas in 1987, and raised in St. Joseph, Missouri and in Ridgway, Pennsylvania. [x]

In her early years, she moved to California with ambitions of becoming an actress and a singer but entered work as an exotic dancer before signing with LA Direct Models, a pornographic agency. Karter entered the adult film industry in September 2008.[x]

But that wasn't the entirety of who Kagney was. At face value, the only information I could find with a quick search was the basic information above from Wikipedia. All anyone seemed to know about her was who she was when she was in the "industry." I wanted to see what I could find about her, the person. Not Kagney Linn Karter, but Kagney Linn Necessary.

I raked through interviews she had, her personal social media accounts, and any other articles that I could find just to find any little facts about her that I could.

I thought about omitting her time within the porn industry to focus solely on everything else except that. But I feel it would be tasteless to keep it out. I think it needs to be mentioned. I think it is important to show that women pulled into the porn industry are not these separate beings from any other woman with dreams. This was a 36 year old woman who was just like any other woman who was preyed upon.

Necessary released an EP, The Crossover, in 2018. In 2022, Karter released her debut album, titled The Take Over. [x] She would post clips of her singing covers of songs as well as songs from her upcoming EP on her Instagram.

In 2022, she began learning how to play the piano, even posting a video of her progress.

Necessary was also a recovering addict. In 2021, she posted about the things that helped her stay clean and how she was pleased at having a second chance at life. In an interview, she was intentionally vague about the substances she used, only referring to them as "candy" and "a little bit of everything." But with no insurance or money for rehab, she opted to detox herself at her parents home, working at their tanning salon for free in exchange for "produce."

She moved from Los Angeles to Ohio in 2019 and got involved with pole dancing fitness studios before being involved the opening of one in Akron, called Alchemy Pole Fitness. She posted many videos of herself having fun and practicing new/old moves.

In November 2023, she was posting pictures of her new house and how well it was coming together,

[their website leads to a website called Alchemy Space Studios and says that it was founded and run by a separate woman. But upon looking up the LLC for the business, Kagney is named as the registrant and she is named as the owner of the space in two separate articles.]

In 2015, Carter claimed musician Chris Brown paid her $2,500 to be his escort. She reportedly tweeted things like 'I WILL NEVER F*** A WOMAN BEATER EW DISGUSTING' and 'HE IS PURE EVIL' about Brown.

I just felt like adding that because what a queen.

From her students from the studio and friends, she was known to love animals, including her dog, Murphy, and had a deep devotion to the community she was cultivating in Ohio. She was known to be fearless and empathetic, creating her studio as a place for people to feel safe and accepted.

These were the things I could find of her from her personal accounts and the people who loved her. She wasn't an object that will be missed for what "uses" it had. She was a woman who had dreams, who had a community who love her, who had a husband who loves her, dogs she cared for and loved who loved her, and a mother who loves her. I didn't want her story to be another reblog of a lost life.

I know this post is sporadic and clunky, but I wanted to just grab any information I could without crossing boundaries (ex. contacting the family or something tasteless like that). I just wanted to share what she had already shared with the world.

Her friend, Megan Lee, has posted a gofundme that has already surpassed their goal. But I would still suggest donating if you are able. Rest in peace, Kagney Linn Necessary. 💜

[bird-slayer-brainrot]

Soldier On, Come Down - Chpt. 1. - - Ineffable Husbands WW2 au human!Crowley angel!Aziraphale angst multi-chapter

(TW this chapter contains light gore (st*bbing so that bit will be marked with the first and final world in red text)

London, 1939

Aziraphale, Principality and Angel of the Eastern Gate of the Garden of Eden, loved humans.

He had lived amongst humans since his assignment on Eden had ended, and he quite enjoyed his role as Heaven’s official ambassador to humanity. It had been a shock to receive such a coveted position (as much as Angels could covet, anyway).

The job had its downsides, like any, but for the most part, Aziraphale could overlook these. The books, food, wine and art made it worth it.

Humans were amazingly clever creatures, with a knack for imagining purposeful, advanced creations to Angel in Heaven could have ever dreamed of, if they did dream. They were masterful artists, poets, writers, inventors. Aziraphale, nearly six thousand years into this extended assignment, stood in awe at the inventions of the human race.

The motorcar, however, was an exception.

On a Saturday evening in Soho, Aziraphale was particularly bothered. He had plans to attend an Opera at the West End. These plans were interrupted when the driver had stopped him miles from the theatre. It was drizzling, as it often did in London lately, and Aziraphale crowded himself underneath a canopy to avoid getting soaked.

Aziraphale could have miracled the driver to take him to the right language, but with the state of England and the war going on, he felt it was best to cut down on miracle usage just in case he needed them for something important, which he probably would. And he didn’t want to risk Heaven the memo from heaven about too many frivolous miracles.

“Are you going in?” a voice spoke beside him. Aziraphale turned, ready to offer his apologises

He hadn’t realised he had been standing in the entrance way to a storefront.

But he was stuck on the words as he came face to face with the man.

He was perhaps the most beautiful person Aziraphale had ever laid eyes on.

Aziraphale was still staring when the stranger cleared his throat.

“Oh, my apologies.” Aziraphale said too loudly. The gentlemen was dressed in black and grey, which would have struck Aziraphale as unusual if, immediately after, Aziraphale noticed his striking copper hair. He wore it longer than was the fashion. He was also very tall, and slender. He held a black umbrella that he seemed to be in the process of wringing out his umbrella before he’d noticed Aziraphale.

“Are you alright?” the gentlemen said with concern. Aziraphale was still staring, so he tore his gaze from the gentlemen’s face.

“No. Yes. I mean.” Aziraphale stuttered. “I just got caught in the rain.”

The man nodded, the small smile still on his face, then he held out his umbrella.

“Would you like to borrow mine?” he said without hesitation.  Aziraphale looked up him again ready to insist he was fine, but stopped when he noticed his eyes.

They were the colour of liquid gold, except for the ring of green surrounding his pupils. It was deep, Earthy green Aziraphale last recalled seeing in the Garden back when he’d first received this assignment.

“No. No thank you.” Aziraphale said softly. “I think I should like to stay here.”

*

My Dear Anthony,

I hope by the time this letter reaches you in England that you and Anathema will be quite settled in, with Annie at university and you doing your things (I must confess, I don’t quite recall the word you used to describe your profession. It may come to me one day.)

I must admit, dear brother, that although you grumble when I express sentiments to you, that I will miss you terrible when you return to England. There shall be a Crowley-shaped hole in my heart, I should think, for a long time till come. Please do come back and visit us in California.

Thank you for taking care of Anathema. It has always been her dream to attend Oxford. Do you remember when she was a little girl, with her book on magic and fairytales? She’d take it with her everywhere.

She can be quite stubborn at times, but she is a remarkable young woman, and I know that, under your guidance, my dear Annie will be something great. Please give her my love.

Take care of yourself.

Your Loving Sister,

Lucy

-

Crowley smiled down at the letter from his sister. He would never admit it, of course, but he missed his sister terribly. California, too, with its bright, sunny weather. The rain and fog of London coloured the world bleak in comparison.

Crowley had been back in London for a month. Anathema, his niece, was due to start at Oxford, once she got her acceptance, in three months.

She was a standout in stuffy old England, with her American wardrobe, accent, and mannerisms. She stood out in LA, too. She’d spent the days

Crowley had an apartment in Soho that he’d rented out in the year he’d been in America. The death of Lucy’s husband and Anathema’s father had hit their family hard. With their pieces stitched haphazardously back together, Anathema had decided that Oxford was her calling. England was a fresh start, and Crowley had to return at some point. Her mother had, after some convincing, agreed.

He was meant to meet Anathema for dinner that evening at the pub they frequented later on. With nothing else to do, Crowley decided a walk and some fresh air would do him some good, and stepped out into the English rain.

*

The Drooping Donkey had all the grace of a typical Soho bar on a Saturday evening. There was a group of soldiers crowded around a pretty young woman playing the piano, a lively war-tune Aziraphale recalled hearing over the radio on the BBC earlier that morning when he was rearranging his Atlas collection. They nursed warming bears. Chatty patrons took up the tables. There was luckily one spare (Aziraphale may have the ability to have any table he wished to, however he believed in ethical use of miracles) and, after ordering a glass of the house red, Aziraphale made his way over to it and took a seat, content to wait out the storm before going home.

When Aziraphale looked up, he made eye contact with the red-haired gentlemen from earlier. He was alone at the bar, and when Aziraphale looked at him, he did something completely surprising. He smiled.

An hour later, Aziraphale was still recounting the event in self-pity. He could leave now, as the handsome stranger had left. In truth, he’d been too shocked by the gentlemen (who had, upon meeting him, offered him his own umbrella?) and had been unable to use his brain. He had no choice but to enter the bar after the gentlemen, who had held the door out for Aziraphale. Even now, Aziraphale replayed the memory of that brief, awkward interaction over and over in his head. It was pointless. It wasn’t like Aziraphale would ever see him again. He was a human. A handsome, kind human. Still, he had appreciated that small show of kindness. It left a warm feeling in Aziraphale’s chest. The war was getting to him.  

It was dark outside by the time Aziraphale exited The Drooping Donkey. The rain had cleared and, while the street maintained most of the business of a typical Soho Saturday, the sidewalk was mostly deserted. That’s why, when Aziraphale heard a noise like a group of hushed voices and a loud banging sound, he immediately rushed to the source.

The redhead man from the bar laid crumbled against the wall of a deserted alley. He was bundled behind bags of rubbish. Aziraphale hurried over to him, kneeling down to see better and miracleing a source of light. Aziraphale’s checked that the man was still breathing first, which he was, but was barely conscious. In the light, Aziraphale could see immediately that he had multiple injuries. His face was bruised, and his knuckles and hands were red. Then, Aziraphale spotted the spreading red across his stomach. Just below it, there was a knife.

It lay discarded in the wet, tossed carelessly, as though it had not just killed a man.

The stranger groaned as Aziraphale lifted the fabric away from the knife wound to locate the stab wound. It didn’t take long to find it. Blood gushed down the man’s abdomen from the puncture, and bile threatened to rise in Aziraphale’s throat as he realised that the kind stranger likely wouldn’t survive it. He had lost too much blood. Aziraphale had no idea how long he had been here, left like this. There was no time to take him to a hospital. He hadn’t been with a wife or friends at the bar. He would likely die here, cold, and alone.

Aziraphale reached down, pressing a hand against the wound, and healing it. It was overkill, to heal it completely, but the man looked in enough pain that Aziraphale couldn’t help but want to help him as best as he could. He spluttered at the motion, coughing harshly. Aziraphale stood up quickly, miracleing his trousers clean from where they had been stained by water and blood. He also miracled the stranger unconscious.

Aziraphale would have liked to have stayed with the stranger to make sure he got better, but he couldn’t answer the questions the man would obviously have. With any luck, the gentleman would wake up with a nasty hangover, with little recollection of what had occurred the night before. He’d likely interpret the black eye as being the result of a minor drunken scuffle. He would not remember Aziraphale, and Aziraphale would never see him again.

A kindness for a kindness was all it was. Miracling him out of sight, Aziraphale turned, and walked away.

[yetanothersparrowofthedawn]

Love Songs and Shit (Extended Masterpost)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x YN

Genre: Angst, Hurt, Fluff, Smut (honestly it varies depending on the chapter)

Wordcount: if only I knew...

Plot: YN is a popular American singer-songwriter who, on a rainy evening in 2018, crossed path with the members of Greta Van Fleet. It didn't take long for the usually detached and fiercely independent girl to experience an unfamiliar itch. As she put pen to paper, it seemed a certain long-haired guitarist had her thinking about writing love songs and shit.

Concept: Each Album is a period of YN's journey, each track is a song she wrote after a specific chapter, so basically her discography is a chronological story of her life (with Jake, mostly). I'm currently not posting chapters in chronological order, but everything is organized in chronological order on this Masterpost.

Disclaimer: All the album covers are paintings by Norwegian painter Henrik Aarrestad Uldalen I edited. So, credit to that guy.

Also some chapters may involve triggering themes, I'll add the specific trigger warnings at the beginning of each chapter. Stay safe, besties.

(PREQUEL)Debut Album: "Remain Nameless" => NOT YET STARTED

Old Money

Seven

Blue Velvet

Lost at Sea

Bel Air

South London Forever

This is what makes us girls

Dollhouse

All-American Bitch

Hope There’s Someone

Grace

idontwannabeyouanymore

Remain Nameless

Brutal

Rabbit Heart

National Anthem

2nd Album: "Sweet Nothings" => NOT YET STARTED

The Night We Met

Ride

Lover to Lover

Body Electric

Moves

Hiding

Hope is a Dangerous thing for me to have

Love Song

Sweet nothings

3rd Album: "Let the Light In" => NOT YET STARTED

Wildest dreams

All the girls you've loved before

Cornelia street

How Big, How blue, How beautiful

Dress

Love

Always Remember Us This Way

Let the Light In

Lover

4th Album: "How to Disappear" => NOT YET STARTED

The Next Best American Record

King

Brooklyn Baby

How to Disappear

Mariners Apartment Complex

Norman Fucking Rockwell

Watercolor Eyes

Sky Full of Song

One step forward, three steps back

Out of the woods

5th Album: "The Greatest" => NOT YET STARTED

Happiness is a Butterfly

Swan song

Too Good at Goodbyes

Favorite Crime

You're Losing Me

Without You

The Greatest

6th album: "Long & Lost" => IN PROGRESS

Hits Different (coming soon..)

Now that we don’t talk

Beautiful People with Beautiful Problems

Long & Lost (coming next)

Is it over Now? (coming soon..)

All This and Heaven Too

7th Album: "St Jude" => DONE

California

Secrets from a Girl

Style

The Way I loved You

St Jude

All You Had to do Was Stay

Honeymoon

Happier than ever

8th Album: "The End of Love" => ON HIATUS

The Bomb

Prayer Factory

River

All too well

Caught

Stargirl Interlude

Getaway car

Angels like you

Various Storms and Saints

Leave my Body

Cassandra

The End of Love

9th Album: "Dream Girl Evil" => NOT YET STARTED

Carmen

A&W

Hometown Glory

Dream Girl Evil

Swimming

Restraint

Sober

Sober II

Heaven Is Here

June

God knows I tried

Never Let Me Go

(SEQUEL) 10th Album: "Margaret" => NOT YET STARTED

Morning Elvis

Girls against God

Mama who bore me

Patricia

Did you know that there's a tunnel under ocean boulevard?

Kitsungi

Back in Town

I Drink Wine

Back to December

Margaret

[sunflowersandsapphires]

Tis the Damn Season

pairing: Matt Murdock x fem!reader

summary: Based on a request from the lovely @dorothleah, Matt and his childhood best friend have a realization at Christmastime.

warnings: smut adjacent times (it’s just spicy towards the end, nothing graphic), descriptions of family holidays (they’re positive), Christmas specific, swearing

A/n: ahhhhh this one was so difficult to write—I really hope I did the prompt justice. (Also, this is set early on in S1 but let’s just pretend that all the bombing stuff didn’t happen bc that would definitely overshadow Matt’s holidays. Plus Mrs. Cardenas was an Angel so she is still alive and living her best life somewhere outside of this piece because I said so.)

w/c: ~4k

Breathing deeply, you couldn’t help but smile as the bitter cold wind swirled around you. Despite the extreme temperatures, winter in New York was beautiful. Layers of silver clouds drifted through the city, muting the constant stream of artificial light into something less aggressive, more ethereal. The thin layer of snow covering every exposed surface created a gorgeous blank slate of sorts, like an untouched page in a child’s coloring book. Monotone and full of possibilities. It was a sight you missed dearly, so much so that your heart flipped every year when you stepped out of the airport and back into the city you were raised in.

California was beautiful too, of course–not that you’d gotten to see much of it between your 8 years of post-secondary school and 2.5 years of residency so far. Even summer breaks had been spent studying or interning, rather than visiting the gorgeous beaches or tourist attractions across the state. When you found yourself swamped with work and longing for a break, you never dreamed of California, though. Only of New York.

Which is why the winter holidays were so important to you now. This was the only opportunity you had to visit family, to visit Matt. Most years, you spent about a week with your family for Christmas and spent a few wonderful evenings with your beloved childhood-best-friend-turned-charitable-defense-attorney, but this year was unique.

After encouraging your parents to take a much needed vacation, you’d mentioned to Matt that you were struggling to find a hotel to house you for the holidays. Charming and protective man that he was, he was appalled that you hadn’t asked to stay with him instead–arguing passionately with you until you agreed to stay at his loft for a couple days rather than spend the holidays alone.

Which led you on the snow-laced journey from the baggage claim to Matt’s front door, which you studied apprehensively, hand frozen in a fist that hadn’t yet knocked. The fluttering in your stomach was inevitable, your nerves always acted up when you saw Matt, but it was especially intense when your mind was occupied with the knowledge that you’d be surrounded by him and his things for a weekend.

Blowing out a breath, you let your eyes fall shut as you knocked rapidly on the door, the percussive sound echoing the pulsing in your ears. Footsteps padded down the hallway towards you, halting at the door as it slowly creaked open.

“Hi Matty,” Your voice was quiet, your cheeks blooming with warmth as he grinned at you. His beautiful smile hadn’t changed at all, still revealing the wit and mischief of the 14 year old you’d met all those years ago at St. George College Prep.

His signature red glasses twinkled with the reflection of the flickering hallway lights. “Long time, no see, sweetheart.”

As the familiar joke vaporized your anxiety, you dove into his open arms with a squeal. He was as warm and muscular as ever, his arms tightening around you as if waiting for you to dissolve. You weren’t sure how long you stood there, basking in the comfort of his embrace and letting it melt a year of stress away.

While you were enjoying the first hug you’d received in too long, Matt remained almost rigid beneath your touch–his brain counting every second and wondering where the line would need to be drawn. He could have stayed in your grasp all day, but that wasn’t what “friends” did, right? Inhaling deeply, he pulled away from you.

“C’mon, sweet girl, let’s get you inside and warmed up.” Taking your hand, Matt guided you down the hallway and into his apartment, the sight of which made you gasp.

Strings of multicolored lights were strung around the perimeter, wrapped around every available surface in a festive tangle. A small, but otherwise impressive, fir tree stood against the massive paneled windows, smattered with glittering ornaments and candy canes.

The air suddenly felt forced out of your lungs, your breath staggering like a newborn foal as you surveyed every inch of the apartment. When your parents had booked their holiday cruise, you’d been slightly devastated–which wasn’t fair of you, since you’d encouraged them to get away for the month, but that didn’t stop your heart from aching at the thought of the traditions you’d miss. Christmas was your parents’ favorite holiday, and they went all out each year–decorating the house with gorgeous poinsettias and tinsel, buying the largest tree they could find at the local farm, stringing lights around the entire house. The festive beauty of your family home was one of your favorite sights, and you weren’t ready for the absence of decor.

But the absence never came, because you had Matt, the most amazing best friend a girl could ask for. The man who knew you inside out, and had anticipated your reaction to skipping a family Christmas, taking it upon himself to make up for their departure.

Biting your lips as tears threatened to fall, you let Matt enfold you in another hug, a drop of moisture rolling down your cheek when his lips pressed against your forehead.

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

“You did all this for me? Matt, I–” Withdrawing from the shelter of his arms, you strode around the apartment, running your fingers along the wires Matt had painstakingly decked his apartment with.

“Before you get too grateful, you should know that Foggy helped.” Matt laughed, rocking from foot to foot as he waited for you to take it all in.

Giggling at his glowing blush, you nodded, “Well, you both did an amazing job. Ugh, I could kiss you right now!”

The words slipped out of your mouth without a thought, but they froze Matt in place.

Your relationship with him was unlike any of the other friendships he held. There was a flicker of something deeper–a tense heat simmering underneath every touch, a magnetism that simultaneously drew you together and forced you apart.

After knowing you for 15 years, Matt could read you as if you were composed of braille. Every inhale, every pulse of your heart, every flutter of arousal from you crafted a story of love that he was terrified of losing. Neither of you could handle the stress of a long distance relationship. So, he held you close while keeping you at arm’s length.

Or, at least, he had. The urge to abandon all logic and act on his wildest desires was growing stronger by the minute. Treading over to where you stood, admiring the Christmas tree, Matt encircled your waist with his arms, tilting his nose against your temple.

“I missed you.” He murmured against your cheek.

“I missed you too, handsome. So much.” You leaned backwards into Matt’s firm chest, tangling your fingers with his.

Swaying slightly as he held you, Matt stayed silent, allowing you to soak up every ounce of joy from each tiny detail of the holiday ambiance he had painstakingly put together. Sure, it had been a chore, but it was absolutely worth it for the skip of your heart beat, the stutter of your breath as you held back happy tears. He’d do anything to give you the Christmas you deserved, and that included enlisting Foggy as his eyes for a week of decorating.

Because he was human, and his patience could only be strained so much, he eventually pressed a kiss to your head and spun you to face him. “Ok, I think it’s about time for me to pull my responsible host card and remind you that you need to eat.”

Laughing at his smirk, you nodded eagerly. “You’re right, I’m starving.”

“Really? I had no idea.” Matt gasped in feigned surprise, sparking another round of giggles from you.

“Shut up, asshole. I was admiring your hard work! Isn’t that what you wanted me to do?” You shoved at Matt’s chest fondly.

“You’re right, I apologize,” Matt chuckled with you, rocking backwards after your playful push. “Have a taste for anything in particular?”

“Anywhere you want to take me, Matty.” You grinned.

_____________________________________________________________________

Nearly tripping over a crack in the sidewalk as you laughed brightly, you were launched into another set of giggles as Matt caught you by the elbow. Comfortably full after dining at Matt’s new favorite Thai place, the two of you ambled around the city catching up on the last year.

“Christ, you’re going to break something.” Matt sighed, but he was beaming at you. “That would honestly serve you right, though, after laughing at my pain.”

“I’m sorry Matty, but the idea of you wearing one of those bikini body shirts is amazing. Foggy is a pranking genius!” You crooned, jealous that you hadn’t been there to witness the practical joke.

“This from the woman who tricked me ruthlessly every April Fool’s Day.” Matt shook his head, biting back a grin as his mind flooded with memories from your shared childhood.

“Oh please, toothpaste oreos and salted coffee is child’s play, Murdock.” You jested, letting your joined arms grow taut as you leaned towards an enticing display in the window of a store you were passing.

“Hmm, well I’ll continue waiting for an apology then.” Matt turned his nose into the air teasingly.

“Should I buy you another Christmas gift to make up for the torture I put you through?” Without waiting for a response, you entered the doorway of the quiet little shop you’d been admiring, drawing Matt up the steps after you.

Carefully studying the rows of vibrantly colored trinkets, you felt an overwhelming sense of peace as you wandered the store. You let your mind wander as you ran your fingers along the rack of knit sweaters you were ogling. Somewhere in the rush to look through the myriad of options, you’d dropped Matt’s hand. Swiveling your head over your shoulder, your heart jumped when you didn’t see Matt behind you.

Before you had a chance to panic, a calloused hand tangled with yours, tucking you back into your friend’s warm side.

“God, Matty, I thought I lost you!”

“Don’t fret, sweetheart, I’ll always find you.” Matt murmured, his voice steady with truth as he kissed your temple.

Leaning into his touch, your heart twirled at the sentiment, emotions welling up in your throat. Squeezing Matt’s hand, you coughed around the lump in your esophagus, eyes once again roaming the row of sweaters. “Did you want to get out of here? You said we were meeting your friends tonight, right?”

“Yes,” Matt answered, a bit hastily given that he was still trying to decipher your reaction to his words. “Uh, yah, we aren’t too far from Josie’s.”

“Oh my god, you didn’t tell me we’re meeting at Josie’s! Fuck, I’m glad the place hasn’t been condemned after all these years.”

“Foggy and I have done our due diligence. The health department must have our pictures taped over dart boards by now.”

“My two favorite menaces to society,” You laughed. “I’m embarrassed to admit that you may have to lead me there. My navigation of the city is a bit rusty this year.”

“You’ve been away too long.” Matt tutted in disapproval. “Far too long.”

You grew silent beside him, your fingers twitching in his hold. “I know, Matty.”

“Sorry I didn’t mean—“ He started but you interrupted.

“Oh, I know you didn’t. And I miss you too.” Matt withheld from turning to you in surprise before you corrected your statement. “I mean, I miss you and my family and the city, you know? I love California, it’s just not the same.”

Cursing yourself for fumbling over your words instead of just admitting to Matt how much you wanted to stay here with him, you tugged at your lower lip with your teeth to keep from rambling any further. Twin blooms of heat pricked across your cheeks, your eyes falling shut with regret and longing.

Matt bumped your hip with his. “Hey, don’t go quiet on me. We still have more catching up to do.”

The corner of your mouth twitched into a small smile. “Oh yah?”

“Of course! I haven’t even told you about the kitchen fire that Foggy set at Landman and Zach in the spring.”

Snorting in disbelief, you shook your head. “How on earth did you two not get fired?”

“He blamed it on a partner.” Matt grinned, making you chuckle.

The walk to Josie’s was short and filled with pleasant conversation, despite the brief hiccup. When you finally reached the familiar dive bar, you inhaled deeply, smiling at the sour odor of stale beer and tobacco.

Inside, the sticky floors and dim lighting immediately transported you back to the first time Matt brought you here, begging you to come with him to the “Jewel of Hell’s Kitchen”. Sure, it was more cubic zirconia than a diamond in the rough, but you understood why Matt loved it. The atmosphere was unmistakably familiar. No bells and whistles, just cheap beer and good company.

“This way,” Matt lead you further into the establishment, waving at Foggy and a gorgeous blonde woman who were seated near the windows.

Foggy leapt up to tackle you in a hug as soon as you were within hugging distance, crushing your lungs before you could laugh. “God, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

“Way to rub it in, bud.” Matt scoffed, smirking when his business partner gave an exaggerated eye roll.

“You’ve seriously got to teach me how to keep him in line.” Foggy sighed, scowling at the dark-haired man.

“You think I know how to do that?” You chuckled incredulously. “I’m not sure that’s possible without divine intervention.”

“C’mon, you’re practically the Matt-tamer.” Foggy cajoled, spinning around to face the table. “Karen, Matt-tamer. Matt-tamer, meet our lovely receptionist, Karen Page.”

Laughing as Foggy gestures towards the seated woman, you gave her your real name.

Karen smiled brightly, reaching her hand out for you to shake.

“You know, I could’ve introduced her myself. She is my friend, after all.” Matt pouted and you grinned, placing a hand on his arm.

“We all know you would have done a great job introducing me, Matty.” You snorted, rolling your eyes to Foggy.

“Um, are we not going to comment on the fact that I’m apparently not allowed to be friends with you?” Foggy asked, taking his seat beside Karen again.

“I didn’t say that!” Matt argued, sliding into the other side of the booth.

As Matt and Foggy bickered, you and Karen exchanged a knowing smile before you headed to the bar.

Waving as you spotted Josie’s stony face, you couldn’t help but smile when she rounded the bar to give you a one-armed hug. “Hey, kid. We’ve missed ya around here.”

“So I’ve heard,” You chuckled. “Can I get a couple of beers?”

“Your boyfriend letting you pay for the drinks?” Josie shook her head in distaste.

Almost dropping the two beers she’d passed you, your mouth dropped open in surprise. “Oh, uh…”

“C’mon, don’t tell me he hasn’t made a move yet. Poor kid acts like ya hung the moon.”

Chuckling awkwardly, you shrugged. “We’re just friends, Josie.”

“Yah, yah. Heard that one before.” Josie sighed, shooing you back to the table.

Trying to refocus after her comment, you plastered a smile back on your face and took your seat next to Matt, handing him his beer.

“Thanks, sweetheart,” He leaned against you and your skin burned. You could practically hear Josie raising her eyebrows from across the bar.

“You ok?” Matt asked, tilting his head towards you. “Did Josie snap at you or something?”

���You have to cut her some slack, she’s working hard to keep this place afloat.” Foggy frowned in sympathy.

“Oh no, nothing like that, she just caught me off guard is all.” You reassured, willing your body to relax into Matt’s hold.

“How so?” Karen asked with genuine curiosity.

“Oh, er, she asked me if…” Looking at Matt hesitantly, you let the words tumble out before you could fib. “She was wondering if Matt and I were dating.”

“What did you say?” Matt murmured.

“I told her the truth. Though, I wonder if I should’ve said we were, that was always easier.” You sighed, shifting in your seat uncomfortably.

“Always?” Karen asked, eyebrows shooting skyward.

“When we were kids, people always assumed we were dating. Eventually, it was easier to say yes than explain anything.” Matt explained with a shrug.

Foggy smiled, “Ah, so this has nothing to do with the fact that you both act like you’re dating for a weekend every year?”

You and Matt immediately grew defensive, spitting out two remarks at the same time.

“We do not—“

“Are you kidding me—“

But the realization of how close you were sitting to Matt made you pause. The man in question seemed to have the same epiphany because you both jumped apart with a huff.

Foggy and Karen exchanged a glance before nodding. Clapping his hands together, Foggy changed the subject.

“So…how’s California treating our favorite medical student?”

————————————-

Sitting on the worn leather couch in Matt’s living room, you blinked sleepily, the bright LED string lights coming back into focus as you reopened your eyes. You’d hoped that the beautifully decorated tree would draw you out of your thought spiral, but it was only fueling your rapid fire thoughts. Fidgeting with the fabric of the cushion you were sitting on, you couldn’t help but think of Foggy and Josie’s parallel accusations.

You and Matt were close, that was true, but you didn’t “act like you were dating”…did you? Sure, you were pretty much constantly touching each other, and you had nicknames for each other, but that was all platonic.

Or was that just what you’d told yourself? To let yourself sign off on the emotional turmoil you experienced every year when you had to leave the man that you loved.

Fuck. You loved Matt.

“What are you thinking about?” Matt’s voice startled you, your body jumping a few inches off the couch. Handing you the mug of hot chocolate he’d prepared for you, Matt took a seat next to you, his brow folding in concern.

“Oh, uh, nothing, Matty.” You lied unconvincingly.

With a snort, Matt shuffled closer, placing a hand on your knee. “You’re a terrible liar, sweetheart. What’s on your mind?”

“Did it…bother you? What Foggy said, about us?” You asked timidly, biting your lip when his hand stilled on your leg.

“Did it bother you?” He parrots, his voice uncharacteristically small.

Laughing despite the thick tension clouding around you, you shoved your shoulder against his. “I asked you first, Murdock.”

“Fair enough.” Matt chuckled nervously, exhaling quickly before answering, “No. It didn’t bother me.”

“Permission to ask you a follow up question?” It was risky to ask for further clarification before answering yourself, but you needed to know.

“That seems like cheating, but I’ll allow it.” Matt jested, his worry poorly concealed behind his teasing tone.

“Why didn’t it bother you?”

For an intense moment, your soft question was met with icy silence. Then, he responded with a warmth you’d never heard from him. “Because I’ve known exactly what I’ve wanted with you since we met all those years ago. And, consciously or not, I decided to enjoy my time with you in that way.”

Mouth falling agape, you pondered the answer for a moment. Had you been seeking that with him too? Is that why you were more than ok with the state of your relationship every year?

Interpreting your failure to speak as unease, Matt apologized. “I’m sorry. If I’d known that you were uncomfortable about it, I wouldn’t have–”

“I never said I wasn’t ok with it, Matty.” Your voice was deep with want, your eyes focused on every twitch of his facial muscles as he processed your response. “I’ve wanted more with you for years, I just thought I was better at hiding it than I apparently was.”

Matt chuckled, resting his forehead against yours. “We’re idiots, aren’t we?”

Matt’s breath heated your face, his lips felt too far away despite them hovering over your nose. Leaning into him, you crossed the invisible boundary you’d been dancing around for over a decade. “That depends on what we do next.”

Matt’s sharp inhale sparked a shiver down your spine. Settling one hand on your waist, the other cupped your chin gently. “Do I have permission to kiss you?”

“You fucking better, Murdock.” You murmured, hands wrapping around his nape as he closed the distance between your mouths.

As his plush lips met yours, the air was forced from your lungs. The evening ambiance of the city was drowned out by the blood rushing in your ears. A jolt of adrenaline, that was heavily threaded with pure need shocked your system, drawing a soft loan from your vocal chords as his tongue prodded your bottom lip.

“Matty, please,” You whimpered as he withdrew his mouth from yours.

“What do you want, sweetheart? Use your words for me.” Matt’s smug tone prompted another moan from you.

“Want you. Please.”

“Anything for you, love.” Hiking you into his arms, Matt wove his lips between yours again as he carried you to the bedroom.

————————————

Scrunching your nose against the chill that overtook you as your foot slipped out from underneath the blankets, you retracted your leg, settling back into the cocoon of sheets and muscular arms with a sigh. Unfortunately, the abrupt temperature change had shocked your consciousness out of slumber, and now you had to face the consequences of whatever had happened last night.

Your bare back was pressed against Matt’s warm chest, each inhale of his lungs jostling you with a comforting rhythmic motion. His hands were joined atop your stomach, his thumbs rubbing circles into your skin. Whining softly, you pressed backwards into his hold, his arms tightening instinctively as you did so.

“Morning.” He murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple.” The feeling of his lips dancing across the thin skin on your head was pleasant, until your brain reminded you just how fleeting this moment would be.

“Morning.” You responded, your tone revealing your nerves.

“Hey, I can hear you working yourself up. Talk to me. Are you ok?” Matt’s brow furrowed, his blank eyes darting around you as he sat up to study you closely.

“I’m ok, Matty. Just…thinking about us, is all.” You shrugged, eyes falling closed as he placed kisses down your neck.

Hesitating before planting a kiss on your collar bone, his voice quieted. “Do you regret it?”

“Absolutely not.” Using two fingers to turn his face to you, you drew him in for a deep kiss. “God, you make me so happy, Matt. But I still have a few months left in my residency.”

“I know, sweetheart.” The clear disappointment in Matt’s voice almost shattered your composure.

“I wish things were different.” You sighed, resting your foreheads together.

“Don’t say that. You are getting a fantastic education so you can become the best pediatrician the world has ever seen. We can enjoy our time together now, that’s enough for me.” Matt’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, but his optimism was contagious.

“And in April?” Matt’s hand came to cup your cheek.

“I’ll be here, waiting for you, as long as you want me.”

“I’ll always want you, Matt Murdock.” You promised, threading your fingers into his hair as he kissed you with a smile.

[the-mortuary-witch]

TYPES OF HERBS AND SPICES

ABUNDANCE: anise seed, bay leaves, bay laurel, basil, cinnamon, cloves, cardamom, coriander, ginger, juniper berry, lemongrass, nutmeg, and St. John’s wort. 

AVOIDING DANGER: bay laurel, garlic, holly, mistletoe, parsley, rue, sage, St. John’s wort, thyme, and witch hazel. 

ACTIVATE ENERGY: ashwagandha, astragalus, ginkgo biloba, ginseng, gotu kola, guarana, licorice root, maca, muira puama, panax ginseng, rhodiola, schisandra powder, stinging nettle, Siberian motherwort, tribulus, and white peony. 

ANXIETY: ashwagandha, chamomile, California poppy, catnip, golden root, holy basil, kava, lavender, lemon balm, oat straw, passion flower, skullcap, valerian root, wood betony, wild lettuce, lemon verbena, valerian, ginger root, celery, jojoba, and ginger root. 

ASTRAL TRAVEL: blue lotus, Mexican dream herb, mugwort, African dream root, wormwood, skullcap, yopo, belladonna, henbane, sage of the seers, nutmeg, cannabis, kanna, thorn-apple, blue tea, and calamus. 

AWARENESS: blue vervain, brain tonic, ginkgo biloba, gotu kola, holy basil, lemon balm, lion's tail, oat straw, rhodiola rosea, and rosemary. 

ANIMALS (TO WORK WITH): catnip, mugwort, parsley, rose, sage, wormwood, devil's claw, dittany of Crete, horsetail, mullein, plantain, thyme, and yarrow.

BALANCING: ashwagandha, chamomile, kava, lemon balm, passion flower, rhodiola rosea, schizandra, ginseng, valerian, wood netony, chaste tree berry, damiana, hops, angelica sinensis, ginkgo biloba, kratom, maca, St. John’s wort, niacin, and Siberian motherwort. 

BANISHING: mugwort, angelica, hyssop, verbena, peppermint, mint, yarrow, wormwood, parsley, oregano, sage, rosemary, lavender, bay leaf, thyme, patchouli, eucalyptus, pine, St. John's wort, and basil. 

BINDING: bindweed, cannabis, rose thorns, stinging nettle, vervain, yarrow, devil’s shoestring, mugwort, catnip, dandelion, dill, skullcap, rose, and cardamom. 

BUSINESS AND EMPLOYMENT: alfalfa, allspice, basil, cayenne powder, cinnamon, cloves, dill, pecans, rosemary, and turmeric. 

CALM AND SOOTHE: lemon balm, chamomile, passionflower, lavender, ashwagandha, kava, valerian, St. John’s wort, holy basil, melisa, rhodiola, hops, skullcap, ginseng, and turmeric. 

CHALLENGES / DIFFICULTIES: skullcap, ashwagandha, bacopa, chamomile, passionflower, rhodiola, valerian, St. John’s wort, holy basil, lemon balm, nettle, oat straw, rehmannia, schisandra, and ginseng. 

CHANGES / TRANSLATIONS: dandelion root, ashwagandha, reishi, holy basil, ginseng, alfalfa, nettle, burdock root, and oat straw. 

CLARITY: ginger, ginkgo biloba, gotu kola, ashwagandha, bacopa monnieri, rhodiola, green tea, ginseng, dandelion root, holy basil, rosemary, tulsi, brahmi, skullcap, oat straw, and lingzhi. 

CONFIDENCE: peppermint, St. John’s wort, lavender, lemon balm, passionflower, valerian root, bay leaves, cedar, cloves, coconut, ginger, ginseng, hops, honeysuckle, California poppy, fennel seeds, nutmeg, orris root, red clover, rosemary, and yarrow. 

COURAGE: rosemary, calamus, borage, yarrow, sage, milky oats, ashwagandha, cacao, pepper, nettle, basil, chives, horseradish, skullcap, ginger, brahmi, dandelion, St. John’s wort, lemon balm, passionflower, rhodiola, oat straw, lingzhi, ginseng, and tulsi. 

CREATIVITY: damiana, sage, ashwagandha, bacopa, lavender, passionflower, calamus, gotu kola, lemon balm, ginkgo, green tea, mugwort, cumin, ginger, cannabis, basil, and coriander. 

DEATH / ANCESTORS / AFTERLIFE: rosemary, chamomile, lavender, parsley, wormwood, pine, cannabis, mugwort, bay leaves, cedar, belladonna, angel’s trumpet, and wolfsbane. 

DIVINATION: wormwood, mugwort, datura, deadly nightshade, morning glory, valerian, skullcap, blue lotus, wormwood, belladonna, mugwort, and black cohosh. 

DREAMWORK: mugwort, chamomile, lavender, valerian, lemon balm, catnip, yarrow, passionflower, motherwort, and betony. 

FEAR (TO SUBDUE): lavender, chamomile, kava, valerian, passionflower, skullcap, lemon balm, hops, catnip, ashwagandha, and theanine. 

FERTILITY: maca, ashwagandha, black cohosh, red clover, chasteberry, peony, raspberry, cinnamon, shatavari, dong quai, ginseng, liquorice, nettles, saw palmetto, milk thistle, false unicorn, motherwort, and shilajit. 

FIDELITY: bay leaves, chasteberry, white horehound, lady's mantle, jasmine, catnip, vervain, St. John’s wort, damiana, yohimbe, and wood betony. 

FOCUS / CONCENTRATION: ginkgo biloba, rosemary, peppermint, bacopa, gotu kola, waterhyssop, sceletium tortuosum, green tea, and theanine. 

FORGIVENESS: rue, chamomile, rosemary, lemon balm, rose, linden, sage, lavender, valerian, holy basil, yarrow, skullcap, and St. John’s wort. 

FRIENDSHIP: alstroemeria, Adam’s needle, ivy, zinnias, chamomile, tulips, iris, geraniums, calla lilies, thyme, basil, marjoram, dill, sage, bamboo, lemon verbena, hibiscus, jasmine, elderflower, aloe vera, cactus, jade plant, daises, forget-me-nots, sunflower, sweet pea, hydrangea, peace lilies, and yarrow. 

GRIEF / SORROW (TO DEAL WITH): lemon balm, St. John’s wort, valerian, lavender, motherwort, hawthorn, rose, tulsi, passionflower, ashwagandha, basil, milky oats, linden, mimosa, skullcap, and oatstraw. 

GROUND AND CENTRE ENERGY: holy basil, chamomile, passionflower, lavender, rose, ginger root, cinnamon, liquorice root, lemon balm, rhodiola, sage, damiana, kava, rosemary, skullcap, ashwagandha, and valerian. 

GROWTH: shatavari, maca, ashwagandha, alfalfa, kelp, spirulina, chlorella, wheatgrass, tribulus terrestris, ginkgo biloba, sea moss, dandelion, astragalus, and reishi mushroom. 

GUIDANCE: mugwort, bay leaves, wormwood, rosemary, sage, motherwort, blue lotus, hyssop, St. John’s wort, valerian, damiana, gotu kola, blue vervain, lemon balm, yarrow, rose buds, passionflower, and chasteberry.  

HEALING: garlic, chamomile, feverfew, ginger, echinacea, goldenseal, stinging thistle, ginkgo, calendula, dandelion, ginseng, liquorice, and elderberry. 

HEARTBREAK (TO RECOVER FROM): rose, lavender, motherwort, thyme, linden, hawthorn, skullcap, lemon balm, blue vervain, and passionflower. 

HEXES (TO AVOID/BREAK): thistle, marigold, mullein, nettle, horehound, bayberry, mugwort, yarrow, oak, mint, holy basil, rosemary, pine, black cohosh, thyme, St. John’s wort, garlic, yucca, and vervain.

HEALTH: garlic,chamomile, feverfew, ginger, echinacea, goldenseal, ginkgo, calendula, ginseng, milk thistle, St. John’s wort, saw palmetto, and valerian. 

HOME / FAMILY: lavender, basil, yarrow, chamomile, rosemary, mint, lemon balm, hyssop, vervain, and mugwort. 

INSIGHT: blue lotus, mugwort, wormwood, lettuce, yerba mate, damiana, blue vervain, skullcap, passionflower, sage, juniper, sandalwood, and bay laurel. 

INSPIRATION: rhodiola, ginseng, sage, guarana, peppermint, passionflower, rosemary, ashwagandha, gotu kola, damiana, blue lotus, rose, skullcap, ylang-ylang, mugwort, St. John’s wort, and blue vervain. 

KNOWLEDGE / LEARNING: green tea, rosemary, brahmi, gotu kola, sage, lemon balm, yerba mate, ashwagandha, ginkgo biloba, holy basil, hawthorn, linden, chasteberry, dandelion, hyssop, and skullcap. 

LOSS (TO DEAL WITH): ginger, cinnamon, black pepper, turmeric, cayenne pepper, ginseng, fenugreek, cumin, caralluma fimbriata, gurmar, cardamom, dandelion, garlic, lemon balm, peppermint, rose, triphala, tulsi, ashwagandha, hawthorn, and linden. 

LOVE / ROMANCE: damiana, catnip, vervain, rose, yang yang, rose petals, jasmine, ginger, saffron, black pepper, cardamom, sandalwood, bay leaf, lavender, marjoram, linden, bergamot, and fennel.

LUCK: clovers, dandelion, bay leaf, High John the Conqueror, basil, cinnamon, allspice, catnip, St. John’s wort, lavender, lady’s mantle, oak, ginger, mint, chamomile, patchouli, holy basil, mistletoe, marigold, calendula, Irish moss, cloves, and goldenrod. 

MANIFESTATION: basil, calendula, mint, rosemary, sage, lavender, bay leaf, cinnamon, bamboo, mugwort, sandalwood, allspice, yarrow, High John the Conqueror, catnip, and jasmine.

MARRIAGE: rosemary, holy basil, catnip, bay leaf, lavender, marjoram, rose petals, jasmine, bergamot, and linden. 

MONEY: rue, cinnamon, bay leaf, cloves, thyme, rosemary, garlic, dandelion, catnip, allspice, lemon balm, yarrow, black pepper, wormwood, parsley, nettle, chamomile, sage, basil, and oregano. 

MOTIVATION: green tea, damiana, gotu kola, St. John’s wort, ashwagandha, ginkgo biloba, brahmi, sage, liquorice, and ginger. 

NEGATIVITY (TO DISPEL/AVERT/PROTECTION FROM): cedar, sage, rosemary, holy basil, eucalyptus, yarrow, lavender, thyme, peppermint, rue, juniper, mint, hyssop, nettle, bayberry, mugwort, dandelion, clove, basil, and garlic. 

NIGHTMARES (TO WARD OFF/SUBDUE): wormwood, black pepper, skullcap, passionflower, California poppy, valerian, catnip, mugwort, blue vervain, lemon balm, rose, St. John’s wort, lavender, jasmine, yarrow, bay leaf, mullein, bayberry, ginger, and holy basil.

OBSTACLES (TO OVERCOME): hyssop, mullein, gotu kola, lavender, sage, vervain, thyme, holy basil, St. John’s wort, ashwagandha, green tea, brahmi, lemon balm, yarrow, marjoram, rosemary, nettle, chamomile, and bay leaf.

OPTIMISM: damiana, gotu kola, passionflower, skullcap, nettle, black tea, sage, blue lotus, green tea, St. John’s wort, ginger, vervain, mullein, lavender, jasmine, chamomile, bay leaf, lemon balm, ginger, and rose.

PEACE / TRANQUILITY: myrrh, rose, peppermint, chamomile, lavender, skullcap, holy basil, ashwagandha, St. John’s wort, passionflower, rosemary, valerian, sage, Persian silk tree, lemongrass, gotu kola, nettle, thyme, bay leaf, mugwort, and kava.

PROSPERITY / ABUNDANCE: basil, mint, cinnamon, patchouli, chamomile, allspice, ginger, nutmeg, rosemary, bay leaf, calendula, honeysuckle, clove, Irish moss, thyme, alfalfa, bayberry, clover, dandelion, nettle, oregano, dill, and poppy.

PROTECTION / DEFENCE: aloe, cinnamon, sandalwood, dragon’s blood, rue, eucalyptus, comfrey, rose, chamomile, St. John’s wort, cedar, mugwort, cayenne pepper, nettle, bay, angelica, thyme, sage, peppermint, lavender, basil, and rosemary.

PSYCHIC ABILITIES (TO ENHANCE): frankincense, wormwood, valerian, thyme, nettle, anise, lemongrass, gotu kola, angelica, bay leaf, chamomile, sage, rose, yarrow, lavender, rosemary, peppermint, and mugwort.

PURIFICATION / CLEANSING: sage, cedar, rosemary, lavender, palo santo, basil, peppermint, red clover, dandelion, frankincense, mugwort, nettle, bay leaf, burdock, chamomile, juniper, parsley, copal, sweetgrass, angelica, cilantro, eucalyptus, ginger, and cinnamon.

RELATIONSHIPS: rose, spearmint, lavender, jasmine, basil, damiana, catnip, ginger, patchouli, hibiscus, rosemary, thyme, cardamom, lemon balm, clove, jasmine, fennel, bay leaf, sage, dill, vanilla, ashwagandha, black cohosh, ginseng, calendula, meadowsweet, and cinnamon.

REMOVE / RELEASE: rue, black pepper, sage, rosemary, mint, lemon juice, hyssop, mullein, vervain, wormwood, nettle, garlic, dandelion, bay leaf, catnip, lavender, lemon palm, and parsley.

RENEWAL / REBIRTH / NEW BEGINNINGS: holy basil, gotu kola, rosemary, yarrow, ashwagandha, mullein, basil, chamomile, St. John’s wort, rose petals, lemon balm, vervain, mint, nettle, sage, mugwort, and damiana.

SEX / SEXUALITY: saffron, yohimbe, saw palmetto, chavohuasca, pomegranate peel, musli, chasteberry, longjack, chamomile, fenugreek, shatavari, barrenwort, saffron, damiana, ashwagandha, ginkgo, maca, bindii, and red ginseng.

SPIRIT GUIDES: yarrow, thyme, rose, myrrh, sweet grass, bay leaf, peppermint, nettle, mugwort, frankincense, chamomile, angelica, rosemary, cedar, basil, sage, and lavender.

SPIRITUALITY: lavender, sage, basil, rosemary, angelica, cedar, frankincense, chamomile, mugwort, nettle, peppermint, bay leaf, sweet grass, myrrh, rose, thyme, and yarrow.

STABILITY: ginger, parsley, St. John’s wort, lavender, mullein, catnip, rosemary, holy basil, lemon balm, and gotu kola.

STRENGTH: turmeric, maca, ashwagandha, ginseng, rhodiola, brahmi, shilajit, tulsi, astragalus, cordyceps, ginger, liquorice, gotu kola, astragalus, nettle, schisandra, and green tea.

STRESS: rhodiola, lavender, valerian, brahmi, kava, skullcap, peppermint, milky oats, liquorice, hops, St. John’s wort, turmeric, ginseng, tulsi, passionflower, chamomile, lemon balm, and ashwagandha.

SUCCESS: mint, basil, rosemary, cinnamon, allspice, dandelion, calendula, patchouli, bay leaf, ginger, lavender, chamomile, nutmeg, dill, honeysuckle, Irish moss, lemongrass, nettle, and peppermint.

TRUST: bayberry, lemon balm, rue, marjoram, bay leaf, hyssop, black pepper, damiana, rose petals, yarrow, valerian, wormwood, nettle, lavender, vervain, and jasmine.

TRUTH: mugwort, rue, mullein, skullcap, rosemary, hyssop, bay leaf, holy basil, thyme, and peppermint.

WELL-BEING: green tea, ashwagandha, holy basil, reishi mushroom, lemon balm, chamomile, ginger, liquorice, and turmeric.

[kpop-addict25]

Real Life MCSM AU character background information:

gender-neutral!Jesse

Their full name is Jesse Kaylin Prescott

They are born in Los Angeles, California on 15th August 1999

They grew up in a loving family

Their mom worked in a convenience store while their father worked as a car mechanic

Growing up they had a serious dyslexic disorder which got better within the years

They had a hard time finding friends and were constantly bullied in elementary school

They are very artistic and found comfort in drawing

Their parents divorced when they started high school

They graduated with honors at St. Bernard High School in the Arts department

Few years before graduating they moved to a smaller city within California with their mother where they met their best friends

As soon as they moved they signed up for the EnderCon building competition where they met the Ocelots for the first time

They held a big grudge against the Ocelots (mostly Aiden)

A year before the Witherstorm accident they met Reuben and took him under their wing

Growing up they wanted to work as a famous artist but their dream was ruined by the accident and were forced to become a hero

Olivia

Her full name is Olivia Aatkani

She is born in Marrakesh, Morocco on 13th May 1998

She grew up in a poor family until she moved to California at the age of 12

Her parents worked as farmers for small money which was barely enough for food

She has 2 sisters and 3 brothers and she is the youngest one

As soon as the family moved in California their lives started to get slightly better

Her father opened a restaurant for Moroccan culinary which became very successful

She studied at Newark Memorial High School and graduated with the highest grade in her whole class

A little before she graduated she found her best friends

She wanted to seek a higher education but her plans changed as soon as the Witherstorm accident occurred

She can fluently speak Arabic and she learned a little bit of French

Her biggest fear growing up was that she would never be successful enough

She constantly says that the happiness moment in her life was when she got accepted in High School

Since she was little, she always found interest in botanical life and dreamed of having a botanical garden of her own

Axel

His full name is Axel Marshal Lee

He is born in Honolulu, Hawaii on 5th October 1996

His parents owned a little family business which made enough money so he can have a rather normal life

His mother is American while his father has Russian roots

He has a big brother who lives and studies in Canada

As a baby he was a very picky eater but growing up he started loving everything

He spent the first years of his education homeschooled

He went to Kalani High School where he was the school troublemaker

He got expelled from there because of his attitude towards his classmates

His parents were furious and kicked him out of the house and he was forced to live with his uncle for a while in California

As soon as he went to California he became friends with Jesse and Olivia

Him and his parents are still mad at each other but he is still in contact with his brother

He admits that he wasn’t proud of his past and promised himself that he will do better with his future

He considered continuing his education but he wasn’t able to because of the Witherstorm

Petra

Her full name is Petra Hazel Cory

She is born in Dallas, Texas on 26th June 1997

Her mother worked as a school nurse while her father worked as a manager in a prestigious company

When she was little most of the other kids were scared of her because of her tough personality

In her teenage years, she looked like a cold person but deep inside she was longing for people’s attention and approval

She moved to live in California after a big argument with her parents

She attended the San Leandro High School and she graduated with an average grade

She used to be in a band where she was a drummer

She started working multiple jobs so she can afford an apartment to live in

Despite being in cahoots with her parents they supported her for a while until she was able to earn money by herself

She met Jesse and their friends at the store where she worked

A little after she graduated, she got a sword tattoo on her shoulder which symbolised her tough personality and her admiration towards Gabriel the Warrior

Even though he is nothing but a fraud, Petra thinks that Gabriel is a good role model and mentor

She still has a little purple spot on her arm after her Wither-sickness was cured

Lukas

His full name is Lukas Kang

His korean name is Kang Jae-seong

He is born in Daegu, South Korea on 22nd March 1995

His mother is German and his father is Korean

His father works as a surgeon while his mother is a stay-at-home mom

He has an older brother who is married and has a little child

He studied at Gyeongsin High School and graduated with the second highest grade in his whole class

He used to be the captain of the basketball team and he still plays in his free time

One summer when he was on a trip with his parents to California, he became friends with the Ocelots and started to participate with them in the building competition

Since his school was all the way in Korea, he went every summer to California so he can complete with his friends

As soon as he graduated, he moved to California to live with the rest of the Ocelots

He went to university for a little but he had to drop out because of the Witherstorm, saying that he is way “too stressed” to continue

He can fluently speak Korean, Japanese and a little bit of Chinese

In Korea he was quite popular for his natural blue eyes

He used to have black hair until he started bleaching it

He has piercings on his ears during the Witherstorm arc and he gets another one on his eyebrow after that

He has a star tattoo on the side of his neck, under his ear

If he could, he could have became a k-pop idol

He loves music and wanted to become a songwriter but of course he couldn’t because of the Witherstorm and his problems with the Ocelots

He has great vocal skills and according to Jesse he has “angel’s voice”. Also he can play guitar and piano earning the title of “musical prodigy” by the Order

[the-fab-fox]

Okay, y'all!

What's your go to "nostalgia" song?

What I mean isn't what songs from your childhood that take you back but rather, the songs that just inherently sound like what I feel nostalgia—as a concept—would feel like. Like it just invokes that feeling of nostalgia without actually triggering nostalgia.

Like a part of you wants there to be a trigger but there isn't and it's this tip of the tongue feeling like you're sure there's a memory with this as it's soundtrack. But there isn't. So you're left with that blissful, serene feeling but without the bitterness that nostalgia can bring... Do any of you know what I'm talking about?

Okay, well my songs are Sailing by Christopher Cross, Summer Breeze by Seals and Cross [also random ass sound bar but is it just me or could Lin Manuel Miranda sing the hell out of this?], Brandy (You're a Fine Girl) by Looking Glass, September by Earth, Wind, & Fire, Fields of Gold by Sting, Higher Love by Steve Winwood, I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston, (I've Had) The Time of My Life by Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes, You Make My Dreams (Come True), In the Middle of the Night by Billy Joel, Tell Her About It by Billy Joel, Phil Collins cover of You Can't Hurry Love, Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves, Don't Dream It's Over by Crowded House, Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles, Waiting for a Girl Like You, In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins, Invisible Touch by Genesis, That's All by Phil Collins, Don't Stop by Fleetwood Mac, Landslide by Fleetwood Mac, Footloose by Kenny Loggins, Forever Young by Rod Stewart, Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears, Listen to the Music by The Doobie Brothers, Baby Come Back by Player, Peaceful Easy Feeling by Eagles, Take It to the Limit by Eagles, St. Elmo's Fire by John Parr, Hotel California by Eagles, She's Like The Wind by Patrick Swazye and Wendy Fraser, Tiny Dancer by Elton John, Don't Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John and Kiki Dee, Bad Moon Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival, Have a You Seen the Rain by Creedence Clearwater Revival, These Dreams by Heart, (Don't Fear) The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult, Loosing My Religion by R.E.M., Smooth by Santana (featuring Rob Thomas), What I've Done by Linkin Park, It's My Life by Bon Jovi, I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing by Aerosmith, Wherever You Will Go by The Calling, Times Like These by Foo Fighters, Higher by Creed, Drive by Incubus, Heat Waves by Glass Animals, I Ain't Worried by OneRepublic.

Wasn't gonna list so many and some are stronger on the feeling than others. Especially any 80's/Elton/Phil. Like it's hard to explain but you just get this tingle in your brain and a sort of oasis of nostalgic serenity. And as you can see it doesn't matter what era or genre of music. For me it's a lot of 80s because that era of music itself is already nostalgic in that I was born at the tail end of it. I wouldn't have any real memories of these outside of my parents or radio playing it but nothing specific really and yet I get a rush of that feeling like I grew up during that era. Idk it's an amazing feeling and gives me a lot of energy.

So after that long explanation (I'm sorry 😮‍💨), I'm just curious what songs of not listed above give you this sensation?

I'm dying to see yours and give them a listen and see if they hit me too! There may be many I've forgotten. Let me know if any of the ones I listed give you the sensation as well. I find the power of music endlessly fascinating.

[collapsedsquid]

The Colorado River system, which supplies 35 million people in seven U.S. states and Mexico, nearly collapsed last year. Even after a wet winter, it is dwindling due to overuse and climate change. But no matter how low its reservoirs sink, the historic claims of these families and all of Imperial County place them first in line — ahead of every state and major city — for whatever water remains. How a handful of families and a rural irrigation district came to control so much of the West’s most valuable river is a story of geography and good timing, intermarrying and shrewd strategy, and a rich but sometimes ugly past when racist laws and wartime policies excluded farmers of color. Together, they winnowed the greatest access to these 20 clans, who today use more of the river than all of Wyoming, New Mexico or Nevada. A vast, laser-leveled green quilt of crops covers this naturally bone-dry valley, all of it grown with Colorado River water. The water is held “in trust” by the Imperial Irrigation District and two smaller agencies, meaning they are legally required to deliver the water to any county landowner for use on their property.

Dream someday that Calfornia can have a bourgeoisie revolution and end feudalism

[swansongofalyre]

Where to Find Memento Mori (Updated 9/11/2024)

On August 13, two days before 광복절 (Korean National Liberation Day), my debut novel was released. The book is about Korean-American family, and also about Greek mythology, and I promise this combination makes sense in the end. (For those who are curious, I wrote an uncharacteristically personal guest post for Women's Writers, Women's Books on the topic of what inspired me to write a Eurydice and Orpheus retelling about my Korean grandmother.)

It was surreal to go to a store the other day and see it on a table next to Salman Rushdie and other acclaimed writers. After 13 years of this story existing in some form, I'm so excited that this book is finally out—both because it is a beautiful book that I am proud of and that I hope you enjoy, and also because I would love to stop being my own publicist (it is VERY awkward).

So here is an omnibus post of book-related info that I will keep updated and pinned going forward to finally give the memento mori tag a rest. Below the cut, you will find a running list of indie bookstores and public libraries that I know carry my book. (If you have a New York Public Library card and have 5 minutes, I will love you forever if you would email your local branch to ask them to carry my book, thus fulfilling my lifelong dream of living in the NYPL.)

Also below are a few upcoming events at which I have been invited to speak!

Bookstores by State (as of 9/11/2024)

Search for your local bookstore here!

Arizona

Changing Hands Bookstore (Phoenix and Tempe)

California

Gallery Bookshop (Mendocino)

Timbre Books (Ventura) Sold out for now (but you can still order online)!

Indiana

The Press (Valparaiso)

Iowa

Prairie Lights Books (Iowa City)

Maine

Longfellow Books (Portland) Sold out for now (but you can still order online)!

Massachusetts

Nantucket Book Partners (Nantucket) Sold out for now (but you can still order online)!

Porter Square Books (Cambridge and Boston both back in stock!)

Missouri

Skylark Bookshop (Columbia)

Montana

Chapter One Book Store (Hamilton)

New Hampshire

Water Street Bookstore (Exeter)

New Jersey

Watchung Booksellers (Montclair)

New York

Astoria Bookshop (Queens, 1 signed copy left!)

Book Culture (Signed copies at the 112th St. and Broadway stores; also available at LIC and Pittsford Pittsford has sold out for now!)

Books are Magic (Brooklyn, at both Smith St. and Montague St.)

Market Block Books (Troy) Sold out for now (but you can still order online)!

Greenlight Bookstore (Brooklyn) Back in stock!

Shakespeare & Co (Manhattan, Lincoln Center has signed copies; Lexington also as copies back in stock)

Yu and Me Books (Manhattan; comes with bonus goodies, see below!)

North Carolina

Quail Ridge Books (Raleigh)

Oregon

Powell's (Burnside, Cedar Hills, and Hawthorne locations)

Rhode Island

Heartleaf Books (Providence)

Vermont

Phoenix Books (Burlington and Essex)

Washington, D.C.

Politics and Prose (at both CT Ave NW and Union Market)

Washington State

Elliott Bay Book Company (Seattle)

Wisconsin

Woodland Pattern (Milwaukee)

Libraries (as of 09/10/2024)

Worldcat Listings (Probably the most comprehensive)

Libby (for e-books)

California

Berkeley Public Library

Illinois

Chicago Public Library

Kentucky

Lexington Public Library

Maine

Portland Public Library (On Order)

Michigan

Canton Public Library (On Order)

New York

Greenburgh Public Library (Available)

New York Public Library (Available)

Queens Public Library (Available)

Texas

Harris County Public Library (In Processing)

Virginia

Arlington Public Library (In Processing)

Wisconsin

Whitefish Bay Public Library

Washington State

Seattle Public Library

Online

Bookshop.org (US)

Bookshop.org (UK)

Massive Bookshop (all profits go to community bail funds)

Barnes & Noble

Target

KYOBO 교보문고 (Korea)

Upcoming Events

September 3: Astoria Bookshop in conversation with Maia Lee-Chin for the release of her incredible book Et Cetera

September 22: Narrative Bookshop (Somerville, MA) in conversation with Maia Lee-Chin

September 28: Brooklyn Book Festival for a debut authors panel moderated by THEE Edwidge Danticat

October 17: Fall for the Book Festival in Fairfax, VA for a panel on mythology with Rania Hanna, the amazing author of The Jinn Daughter

[aemiron-main]

HUGE MIKE REALIZATION HES SO SCREWED IN S5 OH MY GOD

OHHHHHH FUCK. EVERYTHING IVE  BEEN TALKING ABT LATELY WITH HOW MIKE’S QUEERNESS IS TIED TO HIS GUILT OVER PEOPLES’ DEATHS/LOSING THEM??  SUCH AS IN THIS POST?? well not only does it tie to eddie and tie to el like i just talked abt in the replies of this post with @heroesbyler but it also ties to bob. to be extremely clear i am not saying that mike ever had romantic feelings for bob because he didn’t. what i AM saying is that mike may feel guilt for bob’s death that are tied to his queerness via mike’s gay feelings for will.

like think about it. mike was desperately trying to warn those soldiers that it was a trap. MIKE is the one who will told about his murder plan first. Mike actually prompted Will to talk, going “what’s wrong? are you hurting again?” and then Will says “I saw something,” and mike goes “in your now memories?”. He’s the one prompting Will, in mike’s mind, he might have been responsible for giving will the idea to look at his now memories. He was trying to help Will, he saw that Will was just sort of sitting there in a daze and was trying to HELP, calling will’s name and trying to see what’s happening, make sure he’s okay, asking him what’s wrong. But in mike’s mind, his attempts to help just ended up hurting, just like how his feelings for people end up getting them killed/hurting them. Mike, thinking that if maybe he wasn’t so blinded by his feelings for will/queerness, he could’ve looked at will more critically and realized what was going on. Mike is the one who realized that will is the spy, but he feels like he’s the one who failed to realize it. He’s the one who came up with the idea to sedate Will, but he may also feel responsible for the fact that Will has to be sedated in the first place, that he was too blinded by his own feelings for Will and trust in Will to see what was going on- and not only did this result in the soliders and Bob getting hurt/dying, but it also resulted in WILL getting hurt, in WILL almost dying (he would’ve died if they closed the gate). Maybe if they didn’t need to sedate Will, maybe if Mike had noticed sooner, before possessed!Will could get away with his plan, maybe if Mike hadn’t literally prompted Will to talk about his plan, then maybe the demodogs wouldn’t have been called to the surface, and Bob wouldn’t have been killed by them. Maybe if Mike hadn’t been so happy that Will recognized him, then he would’ve been more focused on being concerned about will *not* recognizing other people. Maybe if Mike had been able to figure out Will’s map of drawings at the Byers house, Bob wouldn’t have needed to be involved, maybe if Mike was just a little bit smarter, had paid a little bit more attention in class or looked a little bit closer at a map of Hawkins once. So now mike also feels responsible for will’s guilt and will being in danger/almost dying and the soldiers’ deaths AND bob’s death and that feeling of responsibility/guilt is tied to his queerness AGAIN. Plus, the shed scene: the shed was Mike’s idea. And it helped! It worked, initially! But then because they were in the shed, Will could hear the phone ringing. Mike, seeing it not as a success for himself, but a failure, because maybe if he hadn’t suggested the shed, maybe if they took Will somewhere else, he wouldn’t have known where they were, because he wouldn’t have heard the phone ring. Mike’s intelligence and love for the people around him SAVES them constantly,  but he sees it as hurting them. He only sees the way that he hurts people. And vecna is going to use this against him in s5. Mike doesn’t have one big moment of guilt or one main person who died/got hurt because of him and his queerness. He has this huge, layared amalgamation of many, of all of those moments, of El and Eddie and Will and Bob and the soliders and everyone. It’s death by a thousand cuts and Henry’s going to deliver the final one in s5. Hell, these are just a few examples of this sort of thing with mike, there’s SO many more examples of how his queerness, in his mind, intertwines with peoples’ deaths. Remember that scene of Mike staring at Will’s lips while quietly telling max to stay away from the door when Billy’s in the sauna? I didn’t really understand at first why they chose to write that scene the way that they did except to hammer home that mike is gay/distracted by his feelings for Will, but why not just show that at another time? Why show it in such a high-stakes situation to the point where it almost becomes comical? Because it links mike’s queerness to other people getting killed/hurt. Mike is so busy staring at Will that he doesn’t warn Max loudly or fast enough. And then everyone is put in danger once Billy breaks out. Mike, thinking about how maybe if he hadn’t been so distracted, if he’d been faster or louder, maybe Billy wouldn’t have broken out, if he’d been stronger when standing up against Billy, maybe he could’ve stopped him. This also gets MIKE hurt though, but mike doesn’t CARE about that, doesn’t care to the point where he doesn’t even register it. Mike gets his head bashed against a pipe by Billy, but that doesn’t matter to him, he only sees how his queerness is hurting other people, he doesn’t see or care how people are hurting him. But how do i know that Mike is making these connections in his brain? That he’s connecting himself in all of these ways that i’ve mentioned? You might be thinking “well em you’re just assuming that mike’s brain works like that. how can you demonstrate it?” How can I demonstrate that this is how Mike’s brain works/that he is likely to make these connections to himself and how his queerness intertwines with getting people hurt/killed? Well, let’s look at the Wheeler family dynamic. t’s summed up best by Ted: “What did i do?” The wheeler family fucking sucks at communication. They don’t tell their kids or eachother what they’ve done wrong and what they can do to make it right. They’re passive agressive, they give cold shoulders and silent glares. Instead, Mike and Ted are both left wondering what they’ve done. Which forces Mike to try and figure it out instead of people telling him. Which pushes his brain towards making all of those connections. And no wonder Mike acts out so much: he’s hoping that somebody will finally get mad enough at him to just TELL HIM what he’s doing wrong! We see this at rink o mania too! He literally ASKS will “why is this on me? why am i the bad guy?” He’s ASKING HE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT HE DID WRONG. USUALLY HE JUST TRIES TO FIGURE IT OUT AND EVENTUALLY FINDS A REASON FOR IT TO BE HIS FAULT BUT THIS TIME?? HE CANT FIND ONE HE HAS TO ASK. He doesn’t even fucking clap back at will and say that it was will’s fault, he doesn’t defend himself and say that he ISN’T the bad guy, he ASKS WHY HE IS. JESUS CHRIST MICHAEL DO YOU HAVE NO SELF ESTEEM OR SENSE OF SELF WORTH?? HE JUST ASSUMES THAT ITS HIS FAULT BUT HE AT LEAST WANTS TO KNOW WHY BECAUSE EVEN HIS SELF LOATHING BRAIN CANT FIGURE OUT A WAY TO MAKE IT HIS FAULT THIS TIME BECAUSE HE DID CALL HE CALLED SO MANY TIMES. “Do you see what happens, Michael?” “What happens when what? Again, Mike is forced to answer the question himself, the wheeler family dynamic literally fosters that guilt and personal responsibility spiral. It’s also a personal representation of the individualistic nature of capitalism and how capitalism fosters a sense of individualism which leads to a sense of personal responsibility for things that aren’t a single person’s fault + purposefully stifles organized change and cooperation. Mike is forced to wonder what Ted meant, and it’s no surprise that after that dinner scene, we get a scene of Mike in the basement saying to Lucas that he’s worried about Will: because mike has been ruminating about what happened to Will, about what ted meant, trying to figure out what ‘what’ isnt, figure out the answer to ‘do you see what happens,’ trying to figure out WHAT HAPPENED, trying to figure out ‘what happens when what?’. And Mike has such a deep sense of personal responsbility for things and also a deep sense of justice and wanting to make things right: he doesn’t like to lie, he wants to resolve the conflict with lucas in s1. But then he starts feeling like he can’t make things right, ESPECIALLY in s4. He DOESN’T resolve things with lucas and hellfire. He DOESN’T properly resolve things with El or with Will, there’s still that tension with both of them.  He still WANTS to make things right even though he’s failing at it and feels like he CANT, just because he isn’t doing it doesn’t mean he doesn’t WANT to anymore.

So he’s desperate when it comes to making things right. Especially since he feels like it’s his fault that it’s wrong. Mike stands up against injustice that isn’t even his fault (see: the bullies making fun of will, it’s not mike’s fault that will’s gay (smthn smthn ‘its not my fault that you dont like girls’ smthn smthn mikes sense of personal responsibility and guilt is REALLY starting to beat his ass in s3), so when the injustice IS his fault/he feels like it is, it really hurts him, he REALLY wants to make it right, which gets even more terrifying for him with the fact that again, he feels responsibility for things that aren’t even his fault. And desperate times call for desperate measures. And sacrificing himself in s5? That’s a desperate measure. Mike feels as if he’s hurt so many people so any times, like i said, its an amalgamation of things, not just one event. And so, he KNOWS that he can’t make up for every single one of them individually, can’t make up for those deaths or those moments of hurt. So he has to make up for all of them at once. And it’s going to kill him- scratch that, him dying is going to be HOW he makes up for it. He’s going to die to save others, which in his mind, not only HELPS them by saving them, but also prevents them from experiencing further harm as a result of him and his queerness specifically. I’m also looking fucking DIRECTLY at “war” by frankie goes to hollywood on mike’s playlist. holy FUCK. The queercoding is something i’ve talked about before, with how ‘frankie goes to hollywood,’ was a band known for gay music videos and who had two gay men in it. But look at the lyrics in addition to the queercoding. These lyrics often aren’t listed because it’s more of a voiceover in the song (the song has a voiceover on top of the song ‘war’ by edwin star), but this is what it says: “Then, of course, there is revolutionary love. Love of comrades fighting for the people, and love of people. Not an abstract people, but one who one lives and works with. When che guevara talked of love being at the centre of revolutionary endeavour, he meant both. For people like Che, or george jackson, or malcom x, love was the prime mover of their struggle. And love cost them their lives. Love, coupled with immense pride.” This song is literally about sacrificing oneself out of love, and how love saves people but also kills and hurts people. And saving people in your life specifically, not just a general sacrifice for all of hawkins like Eddie’s was, but rather, about Mike saving the people that he ‘lives and works with,’ the people in HIS life, not just the abstract people of hawkins/world as a whole. “love, coupled with immense pride.” IMMENSE PRIDE?? COMING FROM A DEEPLY QUEER BAND?? AND EVERYTHING IVE BEEN SAYING ABOUT HOW MIKES GUILT ISNT JUST TIED TO HIS FEELINGS FOR WILL OR GUILT ABOUT BEING RUDE/HURTFUL TO PEOPLE IN GENERAL BUT TO HIS QUEERNESS SPECIFICALLY?? LOVE COST THEM THEIR LIVES?? QUEER PEOPLE BEING KILLED FOR THEIR LOVE IN ST (HENRY TARGETING WILL AND BARB AND THE FACT THAT WILLS VANISHING WAS THOUGHT TO BE A HATECRIME AND HOW MIKES LOVE IS GOING TO COST HIM HIS LIFE BC HIS GUILT IS TIED TO HIS QUEERNESS) And this song also ties back to what I talked about with the wheeler family’s representation of capitalism and individualism (and god this HAS to tie into the russia arc and communism stuff somehow), because love and pride and collectivism and fighting for a people are something that goes against capitalism, but it costs people their lives. Mike going against that individualism is going to cost him his life, Mike being vulnerable and sacrificing himself and likely getting outed by henry is going to kill him, but it’s going to save other people. Especially maybe if Mike gets outed to stop Will from getting outed, dies so that will’s feelings for mike aren’t revealed. Love and pride are what’s going to kill mike. His love and his queerness will kill him. But it’s also going to save him. It’s going to bring him back, too. AND LOOK AT ‘MAD WORLD’ ON HIS PLAYLIST TOO: “the dreams in which i’m dying are the best i’ve ever had.” It’s a song about feeling out of place in society/going against society but also out of place in one’s interpersonal relationships and how both of those result in death, JUST like how ‘war’ by frankie goes to hollywood is about how people who rebelled against society and died as a result of it. And while the people mentioned in ‘war’ didn’t die at their own hand and sacrificed themselves but still died at another’s hand, ‘mad world,’ is more suicide at one’s own hand, which ties to how Mike sacrificing himself in s5 is going to be tied directly to his suicidality and work as a metaphor for him having killed himself in a non-supernatural/self sacrificing way, as a metaphor for what i’ve talked about before with how mike is invisible gay men who die by suicide vs how will is hypervisible gay men who die by hate crimes. But also look at this excerpt about the song: “This song is about a depressed young person who feels out of place in this world. He sees life as being empty, and looks for ways to escape the pain. The line, "The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had" suggests thoughts of suicide, and according to Roland Orzabal, who wrote the lyrics, it relates to the psychologist Arthur Janov's idea that our most dramatic dreams release the most tension. So, the guy in the song isn't necessarily looking to die - he wakes up from morbid, lucid dreams feeling better.“

Mike doesn’t want to die persay: he just wants to stop hurting people, he wants to die in the sense that he sees death and self-sacrifice/suicide as the only way for him to stop hurting people AND for him to make up for the hurt he’s caused AND as the only way for him to save/protect people. Mike doesn’t just randomly want to die, just like how the singer of ‘mad world’ doesn’t want to just randomly die- but rather, sees death as a possible solution to the isolation and pain. Mike is going to experience those morbid ‘dreams,’ he’s going to die, but he’s going to come BACK. Plus vecna and all of the dream imagery with him?? the freddy krueger parallels?? the ‘dream a little dream of me’ and ‘california dreaming’ imagery and paralells and how both songs tie to henry and will? ‘the dreams in which im dying are the best ive ever had’? This imagery almost seems to indicate that mike won’t actually die but rather just dream of it, but i disagree: i think the dream imagery ties his death to vecna, that it’s tied to a dream in the sense that henry kills people in their dreams.

“I find it hard to tell you ‘cause I find it hard to take.” Mike has trouble opening up to people because he’s struggling with his guilt and struggling with finding himself/his guilt/queerness ‘hard to take,’ so if he can’t even accept it, in his mind, how can he expect others to accept it? What he doesn’t realize is that other people accepting it is what’s going to help HIM accept himself, like how i talked about in this post with how mike makes will not feel like a mistake but the vice versa is also true and how mike’s ability to accept his own sexuality is intrinsically tied to Will. Mike is fucked. Mike is SO FUCKED. But he’s going to be saved. He’s going to die and come back. Love is going to save him, the very thing that killed him. Just like how mike thinks his actions/his love for people and helping them actually hurt them when in reality it SAVED them.  And henry’s whole “tricked you? I saved you.” thing. It’s the opposite for mike, it would be ‘saved you? i ‘tricked’ (hurt) you.” 

[pixies-love-envy]

Too Sweet: March’s Backstory

March Starling and his brothers Reese Starling and Dorian Starling are triplets born to loving parents Emma and Charles Starling. Emma stayed home with the boys while Charles worked as the founder and CEO of “Wuthering Reads” a book publishing company. They were wealthy due to family money and lived in a lavish home near the woods. March was always the smartest of his brothers, Dorian was the most athletic, and Reese was the silliest. March was the leader of the group. He was always in charge of what they would play and what activities they would obsess over for the next week.

When they were twelve, a forest fire spread to their home and burned it to ashes. Luckily, the boys were away at summer camp. Unfortunately, their parents were and died due to smoke inhalation. He and his brothers were to be raised by their aunt on his mother’s side, Hannah Crane, a few towns over. Soon after, they moved to New Jersey to escape the increasing forest fires in California. 

The boy's parents had left them a considerable amount of money in a trust fund that would be available to them when they turned eighteen. Their aunt was permitted to open the fund to pay for their care, but she never abused that privilege. The boys were left with all the money they could ever need.

In high school, he took an AP Environmental Science course and concluded that global warming was to blame for his parents' deaths. He vowed to always be an environmental advocate and fight climate change. He focused even harder on his grades because he aimed to become an environmental scientist to solve climate change issues.

He moved into the dorms at college, and his brothers followed him and rented an apartment 5 blocks away. Their bond is powerful, and they couldn’t bear living far away from each other. His brothers never went to college. Instead, Reese started a clothing brand called Vanilia Flame, and Dorian took on their father's publishing company from home. March graduated with highest honors and earned a bachelor's in environmental science. Soon after, he decided to earn his master's degree. He applied to Redwood University and was offered a scholarship he didn’t need, as well as his dream internship at the most prestigious climate change research lab in the United States. The catch is that Redwood University is 14 hours away from New Jersey and his brothers. He makes the move anyway. He meets Cricket St. James on his way there. 

Too Sweet Masterlist

@yourpenpaldee @mundanemoongirl @frostedlemonwriter @scorpiothesaint

[topguncortez]

The Mighty Have Fallen | Prologue

Masterlist | next part

synopsis: Sports & Boys had been the only thing on your mind until everything changed in an instant.

word count: 900

warnings: cursing, description of gruesome injuries, car crash

The rain seemed to be coming down in sheets, which was a rarity for Los Angeles. Y/N was hardly paying attention, sitting in the back seat of her parents SUV, texting rapidly on her cell phone. She was half pissed that the softball game got canceled because of the rain, but she was more mad that her parents wouldn’t let her ride home with her boyfriend, Jesse. 

“Bun, I know you’re-” 

“Don’t call me that,” Y/N huffed, cutting her father off. He was going to try and play the good guy, give some justified reason for not letting her go home with Jesse. He would probably even use the rainfall in his favor, since ‘california teens don’t know how to drive in the rain’. But he was wrong, her mother was wrong, they were both wrong. Jesse grew up in Oregon, and certainly knew how to drive in the rain. Y/N had turned 18 two months ago, and was set to graduate high school in less than six weeks. She had already signed to go play division one softball at the University of Texas in the fall.  To Y/N, her parents seemed to be struggling with the fact that she was no longer their little girl. She was an adult, and hell she wanted to be treated like one. 

“Leave her be, Frank,” Y/N’s mother, Miranda spoke up, “She wants to act like a brat about not leaving with that delinquent.” 

“Jesse is a good guy!” Y/N argued. 

“Then why have you been skipping practice!?” Miranda turned in her seat to look at her daughter. Y/N narrowed her eyes at her mother, and crossed her arms over her chest, sitting back in her seat. She knew the next words out of Miranda’s mouth was going to be about how hard they both worked to put her through St. Andrew’s, pay for all the softball necessities, and take time off of work to go watch her play. It was the same spiel every time they fought. 

Miranda and Frank did work hard to be able to provide the best for their daughter. They came from next to nothing, growing up in a small, desolate town in the midwest. They had met when they were both at CalPoly, Miranda studying nursing and Frank studying journalism. Frank currently worked for the Union Tribune as a sports writer, and Miranda at the local hospital. Frank took Y/N to as many baseball and softball games as he could, making her fall in love with the sport even more. 

Their family wasn’t extremely wealthy by any means, but they lived comfortably. Y/N had been lucky to get a scholarship to St. Andrew’s Preparatory School, which had one of the best softball teams in San Diego county. It put her one step closer to achieving her dream of playing D1 softball. 

“Miranda, I think she’s allowed to be upset about the game,” Frank spoke and his wife  huffed, sitting back in her seat and crossing her arms over her chest. Poor Frank, he had gotten lucky to get a daughter who was almost exactly like her mother, from the looks to the attitude. He sighed, “This dang rain! It just will not let up!” 

“Do you think we need to pull over?” Miranda asked. It seemed as though they were the only car on the road at this point in time. 

“No! I just want to get home!” Y/N yelled. 

“You are not the one driving, young lady, so can it!” Miranda scolded her daughter. 

“Ugh! Does anyone ever listen to me!” Y/N threw her hands up. 

“Alright, I have about had it-” Miranda turned in her seat again, as Frank shouted. 

“Miranda, turn around, please- Shit!” 

Miranda had barely turned in her seat as Frank swerved from hitting something, no, someone, in the middle of the road. Y/N put her hand on the seat in front of her to brace herself from hitting it. The breaks squealed as the car spun out from the rain, and into the lane of oncoming traffic. Miranda let out a scream, as Frank tried to correct the spin and stop the car. Something that sounded like a cry for Jesus Christ filled the car, as Y/N’s eyes locked on the headlights coming towards them. 

— — — 

Y/N couldn’t remember much as the car finally came to halt after what seemed like forever. Glass covered her body as she blinked her eyes open. Her cheek felt cold and wet, and her hands reached out, feeling hard metal beneath her. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust, but she realized the car was upside down, and she was laying in the spot where the sunroof was once at. Her breath started to pick up, as the sound of a blaring horn filled her ears, and the coppery scent of blood filled her nostrils. It made her nauseous. 

“Mom? D-Dad?” She called out to them, seeing two bodies in front of her, neither one moving, “Mom! Dad!” Y/N cried louder, and tried her best to reach for them, but something had her body pinned, “Mom!” Her voice cracked, “Oh my god. . . Oh my god!” Y/N looked around the car, trying to pull herself free from whatever had the left side of her body pinned. She couldn’t feel her left hand, she wasn’t even sure if it was still there, “Help! Help me! Someone!” 

The crunch of footsteps on the glass caught her attention. She looked up the best she could as black boots stood in her line of sight. Y/N jumped a bit as the person put his hands on the ground, and then laid himself down on the ground. 

“H-help?” Y/N said softly. There was a chuckle, and the last thing Y/N could remember seeing was a pair of red eyes looking right through her.

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[lovebillyhargrove]

Billy's Camaro fic. Chapter 16

***

Ever since he started having all these vague feelings about Hargrove, Steve has never thought that it would lead anywhere. That they would actually end up kissing each other like two drunk teenagers in love, absolutely indecent and steamy, lost in lust, uncaring of the world spinning around them. He has also never imagined that their lips would fit so perfectly well, interlocked in the most natural way, just like they've found home on each other. Lock and key, turn, click, it's their place now.

Billy is kissing him, and the fast and savage has turned into slow and savouring, and it gets registered in his mush brain that they are both moaning, mmm fucking loving it, Hargrove's hand on Steve's crotch is burning his dick through the jeans, and Billy's applying just the right among of pressure, palming Steve, confidently, that smooth motherfucker, like he .. like he knows exactly what he is doing, and maybe .. okay maybe it's the dry spell, maybe it's the fact that Steve has been tiptoeing around dreaming of this moment for so long, or the fact that Steve was caught off guard with Billy showing up without a warning earlier today. Also, quite probably it's the undeniable truth that Hargrove is doing a damn good job kissing him and rolling that big hot palm, rubbing his dick in the way that makes Steve, well .. it's uh ..

It takes him only one minute to literally cream his pants.

His whole body jerks, pleasure waves knocking him over. He's slumping against the door, and Hargrove is still kissing him, no tongue, just kinda holding his lips on Steve's and smiling into the kiss.

Oh god, it is so embarrassing

He did not expect that

To be honest, he didn't expect anything just one hour ago

"Hey I'm .. " his voice is weak and unusually thin

"I think it was the fastest I've ever scored."

Steve's huffing out a nervous awkward laugh and Billy snorts. Steve's eyes are still closed and although the after feels great, he can't look Billy directly in those ice-blue eyes

"I uh .. I usually last longer than that."

"It's fine. We'll have time to explore how long you can hold out for."

No, it's fucking pathetic, and Steve just wants to sink through the floor right now, but Billy .. Billy's hand is now curled around his waist, and he's tickling Steve's ear with his hot breath, and .. he sounds like he means it, it's fine. There's nothing to be ashamed of, it happens. Even the snort wasn't mean.

Steve brings his hand to Hargrove's own visible bulge and tries to unzip the jeans, but Billy stops him mid-movement

"As much as I want it, pretty boy .. and I so want it .. but this stupid wound kinda hurts, and I'm just .. dead tired, I'll fall asleep on the rug here if I don't find a bed right this second."

"Oh of course .. of course!! I'm .. I'm so .. I'm sorry! Are you hungry? Do you want to take a shower? There's still your toothbrush and everything .."

"I'll just go straight to bed. It's tricky to take a shower with a bandage, I'm too tired for it now. And I am hungry, but I'm much more just .." - Billy's whole body is kinda laying on top of Steve, - "It was a long fucking drive. Where can I sleep?"

"Guest room? Or .. my bed? You can sleep in my bed?"

"Your bed."

"Okay."

Steve unglues himself from the door together with Hargrove on him. It feels wet and sticky in his underwear but it also feels amazing.

They go upstairs to Steve's room where Billy just takes off the jacket and jeans

and slides under the blanket in his t-shirt and underwear

"Fuuck, it's so good to finally be able to stretch like that."

He sighs contentedly and mumbles

"Night, Steve."

"Yeah .. good night."

It's six in the evening.

Billy's been on the road for thirty-three hours, did he actually stop? He couldn't have driven from California to Indiana without stopping, could he? It's physically impossible.

Steve's gonna ask all the questions tomorrow.

He goes to the shower and washes away his cum, still high on the ohmygodohmygod it's fucking real. Still bummed about the whole creaming his pants too fast incident. Dammit. Ugh.

***

Close to the morning Steve hears in his sleep like the mattress is shifting near him .. the bed becomes emptier .. he hears the distant sound of running water and then somewhere close to the time when his alarm usually goes off

There's heavy weight on the bed again, and someone's getting under the blanket and sliding his big hand all over Steve's side .. tenderly, slowly .. it is so gentle, but at the same time the hand is heavy, manly, it is so new .. there's the fresh smell of toothpaste and .. yeah it's coffee aroma in the air, and the hand is becoming more insistent, lifting Steve's t-shirt up, kneading his shoulder and back, dragging his underwear down and grabbing his ass cheek, stroking his thigh, down and up and .. oh god going for Steve's already hard dick - what was it, just a couple of seconds - and he's this hard ..? Again.

"I've started the coffee, pretty boy."

Billy's low voice

"Do you have to go to work today?"

"Mhmm .."

Steve's humming, eyes still closed, half asleep.

"It's so fucking hot that you're so easy for me. Look how hard you are already."

Billy is touching him, everywhere, tracing his fingers over Steve's balls and up his cock

"It's the hottest thing, you being so hard for me."

"So soft down there .."

Billy's palm is gently fondling his balls again

"And so hard up here .."

Slowly, torturously dragging the fingers up his dick

There's a wild thought flashing through Steve's still sleepy head that maybe it's all a dream. In this case, Steve doesn't want it to end

Billy's hand is again so sure - how can he be so unafraid ?? ..

It's all about these flesh-scorching sensations in Steve's feverish mind. Feather-like touches, finger taking precome from the slit and spreading it all over the head of his dick, same finger toying with the hem .. a little bit of squeezing, a little bit of loving, circling, circling with maddening consistency

Steve wants to sob in his pillow

"Stop teasing me, Hargrove."

"Do you have any lube?"

"I don't .. nngh .. I don't have any."

Billy spits in his palm and wraps it around him

"This will have to do then."

It feels so filthy, Steve loves it

He loves Hargrove's large hand around his dick

Billy's whispers and moans pour like molten iron in Steve's ear

"You're so hard for me, Harrington .. so fucking easy .."

Hargrove jerks Steve off, his own dick pressing on Steve's ass cheeks, he's humping his ass, breath heavy and sultry

It builds and it builds, and it grows, the pleasure in Steve's lower abdomen, in his balls, ready to explode and flood all his body with bliss

He's fucking into Billy's fist, messily

Until it rips through him, and he cums with a groan all over the bed and his belly and Billy's fist.

Just a couple of minutes later Billy follows

shooting his hot cum on Steve's back, panting sweatily into his neck, and oh my god, if it's not the hottest sensation he's ever felt

This time he did last more than one minute, at least.

Billy's body is relaxed against Steve's and Steve just wants to sleep more, just like that, together, covered in cum - why isn't it gross? Because it isn't, it feels so good

But at this moment his alarm clock goes off

"Damn it!"

He smashes it in frustration and whines

"Don't wanna get up."

When suddenly

Someone's pounding at the door downstairs. Steve's eyelids fly open

The fucker Hargrove chuckles

"Perfect timing hehee .. Who is it? Parents?"

Steve's lifting himself on his right elbow

"No, they uh .. they have a key, they don't need to .."

The pounding resumes

Billy's wiping himself and Steve with a sheet

"You're gonna open the door?"

"Steve ?? STEVE!!!"

That's .. Max's voice? Oh shit. Steve's looking at Billy who's not smiling anymore

"I don't think we have a choice."

Steve jumps out of bed and puts sweatpants on

He turns to face Billy who's still laying on the bed and only now sees that his torso is bandaged, all around

Fucking hell ..

"Hey, Steve !!"

The pounding intensifies

Steve runs downstairs

"Coming!! I'm coming, Jesus!"

He opens the door, and there's Max, eyes fiery, fists clenched

"Hey is Billy here? El told me .."

"Uh .. yeah. Uhm .."

Max pushes past Steve.

"Billy .. ??"

Turns to him.

"Where is he?"

'Well, he is sleeping, I guess. But uh .. you probably woke him up. Just a second, I'll go look."

There's no need, cause Billy is coming down the stairs, wearing Steve's other sweatpants and throwing on a t-shirt

Max sees the bandage though

"Oh my god, Billy? .. Billy, are you okay? Are you .. "

She's staring at him, eyes wide open

"You're alive? .."

She flings herself at Billy but he's wincing at the embrace, patting her shoulder with his right hand

"Easy, Max."

Is he not happy to see her ? - Steve thinks

"You're alive, asshole !! Why didn't you tell me?"

Billy's just standing there, like a stone statue.

Max steps back a little.

"Were you going to tell me ?? .."

"How did you know I'm here?"

"El called me yesterday and said that .. you were alive and coming to Hawkins. She was so happy, she said Hopper was back and she said .. family's important."

Max is clutching her backpack straps

"It was very late yesterday for me to go outside, mom .. mom doesn't let .. and doesn't like when I stay out late, so I had to wait till the morning but .. I couldn't sleep and .."

"Oh, how's Susan?"

"She's .." - Max's shoulders slouch a little

"She's okay but .."

She stops mid-sentence and suddenly glances at Steve as if looking for some information

"Does he ..? Do you know about your ..?"

"I know, Max. I know about Neil."

They both fall silent.

Somehow Steve decides that it is not the worst moment to cut in

"Hey guys? Does anyone want coffee? Let's go to the kitchen? Did you have breakfast, Max?"

"I couldn't eat much, but yeah .. yeah, I did, thanks Steve."

They're in the kitchen and Steve starts pouring himself a mug of coffee when Max looks at the clock

"I need to get to school. Can somebody .. can you drive me, Billy?"

She's nervous because

Because she knows Billy can be an asshole

Which is exactly what happens

"Listen, Max, I sort of .. just came back from the dead, and you're already piling up a brother's .. step-brother's responsibilities on me? Can't drive anybody anywhere. I'm injured. How did you get here?"

"I walked. Can't skate in winter."

"Well .. school's not that far."

Steve's giving them both a coffee each

"Don't be a jerk, Billy." He says

"Oh so now I'm the jerk?"

Max is on the verge of tears

"You're the biggest jerk there is! Why am I the last one to find out you're alive?"

"Well, why was I the last one to find out about the upside down shit, huh, sister?"

Billy's stubborn like a donkey, Steve kinda knows that about him already. Steve himself has never been good at this sibling shit, he grew up alone, so he's kinda lost here. He's trying his best though.

There are two trails of tears running down Max's face

"I'm sorry, Billy."

Billy's not showing any reaction

Yep, siblings' drama

"Guys! I'll drive you to school, Max, and you .." - glancing at Hargrove - "You wanted to go somewhere?"

"I actually wanted to have a quiet day today, Harrington! Just uh .. just need to go to hospital probably to have it looked at."

Billy's gesturing at his left side

He avoids looking at Max.

Most likely, Steve's got to be the adult here.

"Okay! Okay, don't fight!"

"No-one's fighting, Harrington." - Billy's rolling his eyes and Max is trying not to let a single sniffle out.

"Let's just .. let's just take it step by step. Max, you need to be at school, right ?"

Max's nodding

"When?"

The two of them are looking at the clock

"Like .. in twenty minutes?"

"Right, school starts at 8.30 .." - Steve's addressing Hargrove now. - "I need to be at work at 9.00, can you drive yourself to the hospital?"

"Where would I get the car? Your beamer is near Family Video. Also, what about breakfast?"

"Uhm .. okay, I'm taking Max to school now, and then I'm picking you up from here and driving to Family Video where you can take one of the cars and go to the hospital? And we can stop and get bagels on the way. How's that for a plan?"

Billy's shrugging his broad shoulders like he doesn't care

"Yeah whatever."

"I'll just go change."

When Steve comes downstairs, he sees that Max is still waiting in the kitchen, but Billy's sitting on the couch in the living room

Having brothers or sisters is not the easiest thing, huh

"Let's go, Max?" Steve's grabbing the camaro keys.

"Bye, Billy." It comes out quiet and sad.

"See you around, Maxine." This comes out indifferent.

"I know you don't believe me but I'm glad you're back."

Hargrove isn't answering anything to that, and Steve and Max leave the house.

On the way Steve promises Max to tell her all about Billy's rescue later. He also says he'll talk to Billy about .. about what just happened between them.

"Just give him time, he's been through so much, and he actually has the right to be pissed about some things. You know like .. we kept him in the dark about this whole situation, and .. it almost cost him his life."

"Yeah, I know." Max is looking out of the window. "We should've told him about everything from .. from the beginning. We were stupid."

"Yeah .." - Steve pauses. - "How are things with your mom, by the way?"

"It's okay. It's difficult for her after Neil's death, but .. I hope she's going to be okay. We're moving soon. I don't know where yet, but this house is too big for us now."

Steve drops Max off at school

"If you need any help, call me, Max."

When he gets back, Billy's already dressed and waiting.

They get in the car. Steve can literally feel that the camaro is thrilled to see Billy, it makes all these excited sounds, the engine is singing.

First, they drive in silence but then

"Billy? I kinda felt sorry for Max, I mean .. weren't you happy to see her?"

"On cloud fucking nine, Harrington."

"That's uh .. listen, that's not my place to say anything but uh .. weren't you too harsh on her?"

"First of all, Harrington, stop with that "Oh it's not my place to say .." bullshit, okay? We're fucking, I'm staying at your house, you .. you saved me from that hellhole. And second, Max is .. yeah, she's a kid, bit it's not like she's a little fucking baby who didn't .. who doesn't understand anything!"

Steve's got a feeling Billy's talking about something else entirely, not just their earlier encounter

Also

Steve again feels that tingling sensation at the back of his head.

We're fucking, I'm staying at your house ..

Billy's rubbing his eyes with both palms

"The thing is .. I know. I know, Steve, you're right. It's just that .. there's so much family shit involved like .. I never even wanted a sister, and my dad .. even if it was her fault, I'd get slapped around anyways so .. but I know. Give me a couple of days. I'll pick her up from school or something. We'll go get burgers. We'll talk. Or something. Can we just go get our bagels now, Steve, I'm starving, like .. really ?"

The bagels are freshly baked and delicious, or maybe Steve's just after-sex hungry and happy. The boys devour them like two young wolves.

They say their good-byes for the day in front of the video store.

"I'll take my car. We'll go for a drive. Where's that hospital?"

"It's close to Main Street. There's gonna be a huge sign, you won't miss it."

"Alright. See you after your work. Want me to make some dinner?"

"I uh .. I don't know." Steve wasn't ready for this question.

"Okay, I'll figure it out."

Hargrove gets in the camaro and the car honestly looks like the most delighted pup.

Steve doesn't know how they'll do it, make peace, Billy and the camaro. And whether they'll make peace at all. He's curious, but fuck his life, he's gotta be at work.

Billy goes to the hospital, where they put a new bandage on his wound. Drives around in the camaro a bit, all conversations they might be having remain a secret only two of them share. He goes to Harrington's later and sleeps through the day.

Dinner is tricky, cause Harrington doesn't seem to have much food in his cupboards. Maybe they'll just go to the diner. Or pasta it is.

He's there to pick Steve up from work, and Steve's cheeks burn hot when he sees Billy waiting for him outside Family Video. They drive back separately, taking both cars to Harrington's place.

"I'll race you there, pretty boy."

Steve just scoffs and shakes his head cause he knows his beamer doesn't stand a chance.

He's right.

***

Next chapter. I know this one was supposed to be last, but then Max popped out of nowhere. The boys are still in need of a decent conversation. Also, I'm all for Billy and Max bonding and becoming the brother and sister we want them to be. I just think it won' t happen overnight. They'll need so much time. There will be so much assholery and passive-aggressive bitching. They'll get there, but it won't be all sugary sweet

[numberonenat]

i asked chat gpt to make a playlist based on my candy love characters...

here's part 1 and 2: dateables hsl / others

>> PART 3 <<

hyun:

"chasing cars" by snow patrol

"say something" by a great big world

"fast car" by tracy chapman

"boulevard of broken dreams" by green day

"how to save a life" by the fray

"back to black" by amy winehouse

"rolling in the deep" by adele

"hotel california" by eagles

"the scientist" by coldplay

"teardrop" by massive attack

"skinny love" by bon iver

"wicked game" by chris isaak

"let her go" by passenger

"losing my religion" by r.e.m.

"hallelujah" by leonard cohen

rayan:

"you're beautiful" by james blunt

"hero" by enrique iglesias

"truly madly deeply" by savage garden

"just the way you are" by bruno mars

"falling slowly" by glen hansard, markéta irglová

"i'm yours" by jason mraz

"un-break my heart" by toni braxton

"amazed" by lonestar

"everything" by michael bublé

"kiss me" by sixpence none the richer

"latch" by disclosure, sam smith

"all of me" by john legend

"i don't want to miss a thing" by aerosmith

"i will always love you" by whitney houston

"your song" by elton john

priya:

"girls just want to have fun" by cyndi lauper

"man! i feel like a woman!" by shania twain

"toxic" by britney spears

"no tears left to cry" by ariana grande

"super trouper" by abba

"hit the road jack" by ray charles

"meant to be" by bebe rexha

"new rules" by dua lipa

"god is a woman" by ariana grande

"thank u, next" by ariana grande

"break up with your girlfriend, i'm bored" by ariana grande

"dancing queen" by abba

"believe" by cher

"roar" by katy perry

"firework" by katy perry

chani:

"sweet dreams (are made of this)" by eurythmics

"lovesong" by the cure

"bela lugosi's dead" by bauhaus

"blue monday" by new order

"lullaby" by the cure

"tear you apart" by she wants revenge

"personal jesus" by depeche mode

"the killing moon" by echo & the bunnymen

"strange mercy" by st. vincent

"a forest" by the cure

"nocturne" by siouxsie and the banshees

"love like blood" by killing joke

"crimson" by edge of dawn

"cry little sister" by gerard mcmann

"temple of love" by sisters of mercy

honestly this was my second try, the first ones were so bad i had to ask again...it's way better but still not good lmao

i'll make a part 4 if chat gpt colaborates.