#standing out

[hurricanesfollowyou]

being a millennial is h a r d

for me anyway. between trauma and undiagnosed adhd I have been a very stuck person who doesn’t want to care what other people think, but in fact chronically worries about the opinions of others.

and now I’m such an “adult” for all intents and purposes and there is this idea of growing up. do we need to follow what we see “grown ups” doing? wearing sensible clothes, having sensible hair, listening to middle of the road radio music, and not being especially passionate about anything? i know tonnes of millennials who are not going in that direction but they’re all creatives or “misfits”, and I just want to blend in without assimilating. can I live large in a small life and be accepted, since I can’t get comfortable with not being accepted?

[ilovejoyjessie]

Hidden Figures #1 (Wake by Richard Serra) || IV.

I started to accept the possibility that I didn't quite fit any group mold here as a transplant because those molds weren't large enough to accommodate all of me. I've always been difficult to be exactly boxed, easily sorted or slid between figures around me. In my art, in my beliefs and my day to day life...I have complex turns and curves to me and make shapes of many kinds. I am part some things and other parts another, a custom make. Aren't we all? Even so, my not-easily-sorted ways had never seemed to be a barrier to fully connecting with others - until I moved here.

.

In the spaces I'd found myself in, in other cities I'd lived, you and who you were mattered more than the group identity you shared with others. You had common connections and origin stories, but at some point your views and experiences splintered off - but rarely did that change the dynamic of your group or the volume of your voice within it. It wasn't assumed you'd be exactly like the people in whatever group you found yourself in.

.

I was used to the acceptance of newcomers and nuance to a group: Clashing shapes on a canvas, the rowdy, passionate dissonance that came from discourse and teasing jokes among its members - and the understanding that, even with their apparent differences, no one belonged to the scenery any less. There was freedom to be one's full self. No shrinking for fitting. They saw your curves and angles and made room for them, creating a mosaic of people whose ideas and beliefs were brought together by common community.

.

But here in Seattle, it seemed the groups I found myself in and around thrived off their choruses of "Me too", "I feel the same way", of "We all know...", and "I think we can all say that..."s. But with all their scripts for their language, culture, interests, values, and etiquette there seemed to be no script for responses of, "I feel differently", "That's not what I think" or "That working for you doesn't mean it works for me". It felt like if I was out of step with the rest of the group, I was the one making the wrong curve; when my different arcs and waves, my different experiences, beliefs and existences appeared, an air of defensiveness entered the room or a quick silence hung in the air after they noticed me shifting. No probing, no pondering, no jokes or pokes. Just a return to the forms the group's always known, back to the angles by which the group abides.

.

I've seen and appreciated the ways in which the Seattle area prides itself on its tight-knit communities. But as a perpetual outsider, I've also seen how its groups seem to sing their choruses so loudly it's easy for them to tune out voices of difference - to not recognize a different note being sung. Either newcomers know the chorus or they just don't sing along - otherwise, when they sing a different verse, everyone seems to notice.

.

I've lived on both sides of the lines I've seen these groups draw in the sand. I've lived on both sides of a lot of lines. But it's been so long since I've felt I had to "fit in", slide cleanly into a mold, to make meaningful connections instead of feeling I was accepted the way I wholly am, curves fitting in or not. Would it really benefit me to start doing that now? Reduce myself to just one of my many aspects? Temper my complexities and angles just to fit the Seattle spaces I've found myself in?

.

I could give into the tight-knit sameness around me, do my best to mimic the shapes and movements and people around me...or I could break free of the idea that the only way to succeed in the landscape I found myself in was to fit neatly into it.

[wiley-treehouse-gardens]

bE DifFeReNt

Treehouse Gardens

[weirdyearbook]

"If I'm not careful and stand out too much then they might start questioning things later" (Anon.)  From Lebanon Valley College's 1945 yearbook.

Here's my collection of vintage skull face imagery.

Wondering about this post?  Wait for the dissertation (TBA). For now:  Weblog ◆ Books ◆ Videos ◆ Music ◆ Etsy

[dontcallmebymyusername]

THAT VOICE!

Imagine you're Senior Detective Inspector Jack Robinson and you have one of the most distinctive and beautiful voices on the planet. What do you do? Why, of course, go undercover as a radio newscaster while behaving as suspiciously as possible. Because that's exactly what Senior Detective Inspector Jack Robinson did at Radio 3JH. And it took Miss Fisher all of 5 seconds to recognize him. But we love him anyway.

Music and clip bits in this video:

1. Meaning of the words - Intriguing

2. SpongeBob SquarePants time card number 142

3. Paul De Senneville - Mariage d'amour

4. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 (2013)

5. The Fifth Element (1997)

6. The Brothers Grimm (2005)

7. Wales Philharmonic Orchestra - Mission: Impossible Theme

8. Ying Yang Twins - Wait (The Whisper Song) (original mix)

Requested by, and dedicated to @allpartofthejob 💖💖💖

[visualwritingprompts2]

Visual Writing Prompt #551

[dieformesirens]

do you ever just....stand out? ever be the odd one out?

ever saw/worried about things that others seemed to ignore?

[star-crossed--lovers]

The right person will know what to do with me. 

Heavy. 

[oca-rinn-a]

variegated babe <3

[carlthethoughtfulsoul]

It’s okay little one, I’m quite different from everyone else too.

[the-alternate-realities]

[wolfspaw]

Body Butter...with enough butter anything is good.

[inkskinned]

you're in the habit of denying yourself things.

if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.

but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?

what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.

and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.

you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.

so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.

it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.

sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.

oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.

[stil-lindigo]

bite of winter.

a comic about a princess who died in the snow.

--

creative notes:

--

all my other comics

store

[aroacenezhaanddainsleif]

the kids share one braincell and its purpose is to help people

[kindnessisstillhere]

Bright

It puts smiles on your face,

Or grimaces at the colours,

But it stands out in the dark,

Almost lights up sometimes.

Still bright colours attract me,

Get everyone looking too,

Sometimes I hate it now,

Wishing to blend in,

After years of standing out.

Usually it's nice, gets me talking,

Let's me join in without asking,

Stops assumptions of normality.

So let me have the bright,

Have the glaring colours around.