#starting the day with new Luke content made this Monday amazing also

[fallenloverecords]

Interview: Pickle Darling

Hi lovers! Here at Fallen Love headquarters we periodically interview people that we adore in order to shine a spotlight on our wonderful pop planet. We post all those interviews right here for your education and enjoyment.

Pickle Darling is the bedroom pop of Lukas Mayo from Christchurch, New Zealand. Fallen Love head Harley interviewed Lukas through a 16-hour time zone warp on a Sunday/Monday. Fallen Love Records: Who is Lukas Mayo? How did Pickle Darling come to be? Lukas: Lukas Mayo is some insecure loser from Christchurch, New Zealand. Pickle Darling is me taking my innermost insecurities and making dumb redemptive pop songs out of them. It feels more "me" than Lukas Mayo does. I'd been in a few bands and collaborations growing up which were all fruitful but ultimately incredibly hard. I think I was way too self-indulgent at those times and I was terrible at compromise. I would rather have had something suck but be true to me than be "good" and not be a great representation of myself. Since then I've grown as a person and I think I'd be a much better collaborator now. FLR: This past April you released your first EP of original songs, Spring Onion Pancakes. How did the track listing come about? L: I've been writing songs for as long as I can remember and those were kind of just the six most recent! I was also in a five-year relationship which had just suddenly ended and the EP kept me out of wallowing in self-pity. It's upbeat and colourful because I wanted to make sure that all my songs were full of love and humour and kindness and friendship. It's still a sad EP to me but I'm super glad that people don't think of my music as sad music. Most of it was written when I was in class though which is probably why all the lyrics are basically "I suck and I'm a loser" 'cause that's how I generally felt at Polytech. lol FLR: What are spring onion pancakes like? My research says it's a traditional Chinese dish. L: Oh yeah, I've only actually had them once. The bus station in town has a place that makes them. I was with my friends Heather, Isaac, and Nico and we had just watched a movie and then got spring onion pancakes together. My hands were all greasy on the bus ride home, though. (Sorry, Christchurch Metro Bus services.) My EP is so hard to search for on Google 'cause you have to wade through three pages of recipes. FLR: Does anyone make spring onion pancakes with pickles? That would be a search engine nightmare. L: There's some weird stuff when you google Pickle Darling. There's another Facebook page which is just a cat called Pickle Darling. I'm hoping if I get a Pitchfork feature one day, they accidentally get in touch with whoever runs that page and they do an interview on my behalf. It would probably be more interesting than me, to be honest. FLR: I'm actually interviewing the other Pickle Darling tomorrow. It's part of a dueling interview series I'm doing. Like when I interviewed Kevin Shields and the director of the slasher movie My Bloody Valentine. L: lmao I avoided My Bloody Valentine for years thinking they were Bullet For My Valentine. FLR: On the topic of your hometown, what is the music scene like in Christchurch? I can't say I really hear any Dunedin sound in your music. L: I don't feel hugely involved in the Christchurch music scene. I haven't done many gigs and kinda bypassed it and went straight to the internet. That sounds kind of douchey of me. I have mad love for a lot of Christchurch artists. There are heaps of super talented people here who make amazing music and people have reached out to me and shown me so much kindness but I spend most nights by myself just going for walks around Opawa or watching films or reading. I'm not a super regular gig attendee. I go to maybe one a month and I'm always the least cool person there. It's cool, though, I enjoy it when I do go. And I'm slowly feeling more and more involved in the Christchurch music scene as people become a bit more aware of what I do. I feel like locals will see me on the internet and be like "Hey, that's that dweeb I see walking around town all the time. Weird." FLR: You only played live for the first time this year, right? How has that side of things been? L: I feel like such a fraud 'cause I've had such great opportunities handed to me right off the bat. My first gig was in a library for NZ Music Month and we were playing with my friend Luke's band EgoValve. That was fun and super low-key and about five people were there and they were all under the age of nine. Richard from Glass Vaults (great guy and great band) heard my Radio NZ interview and got in touch with me and our second gig was opening for Glass Vaults. My third gig was opening for Kane Strang, who I have so much love for. During sound check I was just like "Oh my god, are you Kane Strang? Is your real name actually Kane Strang? I love you, Kane Strang. Your album is great, Kane Strang. Oh my god, you are really Kane Strang. Hi, I'm Lukas. Oh my god, you are Kane Strang." Those two shows were sold out and I had my friends Isaac, Nico, Marcus, and Cameron in my band and they were just fun, positive nights. My fourth gig is going to be at Nostalgia Festival, which also has Connan Mockasin and The Chills. I'm so incredibly blessed with all this stuff.

FLR: For the EP you did a run of cassettes through Slovakian label Z Tapes and a limited run of lathe cut seven-inches on your own. Is having a physical product important to you? Some artists are content to just toss their songs online for streaming and downloading and call it a day. L: I want to be the most working class bedroom pop star out. I love the idea of just sitting in my room making stuff myself and packaging stuff myself and getting my fingerprints on everything and having a merch table with things I've made on it. I just want to make things. Z Tapes did all the tapes, though, which was such a relief and such an honour. Filip is really a hero of Bandcamp. He believed in me from the very start and now they're doing a second run of my EP on tape and it's great. The lathe cuts look cool. I'm super proud of them. My friends Heather Reid Van Gerwen and Noah Mead handled the art side of things, which is why they look so beautiful. I'm always going to want to make a physical thing. I mean all physical media is outdated now so if you're going to do physicals, do something fun and creative with it. Also I'm doing a Christmas tape with Heather and she's painting little pictures to go with them. FLR: What's the most exciting location you've received an order from so far? L: I get a lot of orders from Japan, which is so cool, as well as heaps from the States. It's exciting that the majority of the orders are from outside of New Zealand. It's not just my friends buying my stuff out of pity. There are actual people out there that are listening to my stuff and willing to spend money on it. I'm super grateful for them. I really want to be able to play in those places one day. FLR: I feel you. My label almost never gets any orders from within Canada but I've got a handful of regular customers in Germany and Spain. Each of those orders keeps me going and makes me feel like this is all worth it. L: Definitely! It makes it feel so real, right? FLR: Switching topics: what's your favorite film that hasn't had a Criterion DVD release but totally deserves one? L: Ooh I love this question. Hmm... Oddly enough one of my goals (actually my only goal 'cause I hate goals) is to be successful enough to get invited into the Criterion closet. But hmmm... These are probably pleb picks but I'd love: Happy Together (1997) or just more Wong Kar-Wai in general; Synecdoche, New York (2008); Quiet City (2007); Careful (1992); and Funny Ha Ha (2002) in the collection. Also some Barry Jenkins! These are probably pleb picks, though. Also, shout out to my friends Martin (who directed my video) and Julia who give me good film recommendations. Joe Swanberg is a big influence on my work ethic. He made, like, 30 films in seven years or something. If anyone reads this interview, please send me film recommendations on Twitter! FLR: My top rec is Marty (1955) starring Ernest Borgnine. He's a lonely 34 year-old butcher who lives with his mother and is afraid he'll never fall in love. It's basically the film equivalent of a bedroom pop song. L: Dude, I'm totally going to check that one out! I haven't heard of that one! I reckon my film equivalent of a bedroom pop song is Hannah Takes The Stairs. I sampled that on my EP. My friend Julia recommended that one to me actually. I put that movie on all the time just to listen to. I don't even watch it now. I just put it on while I'm doing housework to listen to Greta Gerwig's dialogue. I love how that film sounds. I love their voices. FLR: What's one question you've never been asked in an interview that you would love to be asked someday? L: An interview question I'd love to be asked is "Hi, I'm Evan from Pinegrove. Do you want to open for my band?" and the answer would be "Yes, Evan from Pinegrove." Actually I'd love to be asked what I'm listening to at the moment. FLR: And finally, what does 2018 look like for Pickle Darling? I hear your first album is nearly finished. L: 2018 will be big for me personally but small for my fans. What I mean by that is I'm going to be working on a lot of stuff but probably not releasing a huge amount until it's all done. I'm doing an album. It's ten tracks and it's going to be awesome. There's a song called "Nicolas Cage" and I think it's my best song. My friend Josiah has a feature on it. Matt Gunn is helping out with the production and I think he is a literal angel from heaven. I'm going to do a bunch of music videos too. I want to tour. I want to do bigger physicals like vinyl and CD's and stuff like that. I just want to make more stuff. Pickle Darling on Facebook Pickle Darling on Twitter

[wumbleberry-fc]

All of them :P

1:Full name

Alexander David Walter, but please call me Pete

2:Age

18

3:3 Fears

I’ll die early and break my promise to my best fried to not die for “many, many years to come,” getting anything- even water- in my eyes or close to my eyes, my parents finding out about my beliefs and kicking me out

4:3 things I love

My best friend, my best friend, and, um, my best friend

My best friend, cuddling/hugging, and being cold

5:4 turns on

Uhh, I only get “turned on” if I haven’t ‘done the deed’ in a while, but I don’t really have any stimuli that can sexually “turn me on” consistently.

6:4 turns off

Honestly? Nakedness. And also…… gosh, I don’t know. My lack of sexual attraction is not helping me come up with an answer…

7:My best friend

My best friend is Rachel and she is a first violin in the top orchestra at my former high school and we met through a school club and we had lunch every day almost all of my senior year and she is the best and I love her

8:Sexual orientation

Sexual orientation? Asexual, or on the Ace spectrum at least.

9:My best first date

Uh, what in my life classifies as a date? I’m so ??? on everything, but….. I’m going to claim that I haven’t had a true first date with anybody. However, I did go to dinner with someone (who was forced to go with me by her parents 1/10 would not recommend at all) before the homecoming dance in my freshman year and the pasta wasn’t terrible and we did have some moments of sustained conversation…

10:How tall am I

6′ 1″ (186 cm)

11:What do I miss

My best friend, getting to eat lunch with my best friend and another of my closest friends every day at school, the high school clubs and band, marching band, my AP Gov class, playing games with people

12:What time were I born

11:55 am on a Monday

13:Favourite color

Onyx, cerulean/cobalt

14:Do I have a crush

I wouldn’t classify anything I have as a crush right now, neither romantically nor platonically

15:Favourite quote

“You’ve got opinions, manWe’re all entitled to ‘emBut I never asked

So let me thank you for your timeAnd try to not waste any more of mineGet out of here fast”

from the song “King of Anything” by Sara Bareilles

16:Favourite place

Next to my best friend. Otherwise, the city where I grew up.

17:Favourite food

A cheeseburger with an egg on it. A bun, a burger patty, american cheese (or cheddar), bacon, an over-easy egg, and lettuce. Plus, I love biting into the burger and then letting the runny yolk drip onto the fries and if I’m lucky, some cheese will also drip onto the fries over time and so I can have cheesy, egg-y fries and they just taste so good

18:Do I use sarcasm

Yeah, I would say so.

19:What am I listening to right now

The ringing in my ears from my hearing damage

20:First thing I notice in new person

Their faces (more specifically, their lips)

21:Shoe size

Men’s 11-12 Wide

22:Eye color

Blue most of the time

23:Hair color

Dirty Blond

24:Favourite style of clothing

Whatever is clean, or if not, whatever I can slip on in a few seconds. Often a T-shirt and basketball shorts

25:Kiss someone that starts with the letter “R”?

Yeah

27:Meaning behind my URL

I play the tuba and wanted to join the Jesus SquadTM

28:Kiss someone that starts with the letter “M”?

No

29:Favourite song

“She Used To Be Mine” by Sara Bareilles

30:Favourite band

Panic! at the Disco

31:How I feel right now

Unstimulated

32:Someone I love

My best friend

33:My current relationship status

Content

34:My relationship with my parents

I’m not all that open with them and don’t feel that it’s worth it at this point to let them into my personal life

35:Favourite holiday

Christmas, honestly. It’s one of the two times I get to see all of my mom’s family, guaranteed, and it’s much better than Thanksgiving

36:Tattoos and piercing i have

None, and I don’t want any either

37:Tattoos and piercing i want

Oh. Well, what I typed five seconds ago still stands, I don’t want any.

38:The reason I joined Tumblr

Uhh, I’m not going to say… Let’s say the puns, yeah, the puns…

39:Do I and my last ex hate each other?

She should hate me, but I don’t hate her. I just feel incredibly guilty…

40:Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

My best friend and I try to say good night every night.

41:Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

No

42:When did I last hold hands?

Sunday

43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

However long it takes to find clothes and get up

44:Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

It’s been a good two years or so I think, but I want to do it again

45:Where am I right now?

My living room

46:If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

I wouldn’t be drunk, alcohol in no way tastes anywhere close to as good as root beer does

47:Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

However loud it needs to be for me to clearly hear it, and loud if I’m trying to drown out noises I don’t want to hear (the television about once a week average)

48:Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

For 11 more days and then whenever I’m not at college, and we’ll see after I graduate

49:Am I excited for anything?

I’m going to my best friend’s first cross country meet of the season today and so I get to see my best friend today!!!!!

50:Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

My best friend

51:How often do I wear a fake smile?

Talking about my life or the future or anything around my parents and church friends

52:When was the last time I hugged someone?

Sunday

53:What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

I’d be really confused but I’d support and accept it

54:Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

I only fully 100% trust one person, and I’m fairly sure the people I’ve talked to on here aren’t bad

55:What is something I disliked about today?

I once again didn’t do anything productive towards getting ready for college

56:If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Barack Obama would be pretty neat to meet

57:What do I think about most?

My best friend

58:What’s my strangest talent?

My buddy, I have no clue. Probably making alright sounding composition things with no knowledge of theory or anything.

59:Do I have any strange phobias?

emailing people, talking on the phone with people

60:Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

I don’t like filming, but I also am not the most comfortable in front of a camera at all times

61:What was the last lie I told?

Probably something related to emailing my professor about renting a tuba for band

62:Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Video chatting online is better than talking on the phone, but both are fifth out of five methods of communicating that I detailed up yesterday for my best friend.

63:Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

No, and probably not. I do think aliens exist, but I don’t believe in aliens? Like, it’s rational to think that given the entire space, aliens have to exist, but also any thoughts we have about aliens don’t strike me as believable??

64:Do I believe in magic?

No

65:Do I believe in luck?

Yes and no, it depends, it switches back and forth. Kinda like if I believe in a monotheist God.

66:What’s the weather like right now?

Recovering from the ash from the wildfires. Also we’re transitioning from summer drought to our rest of the year “This is why Seattle has the reputation it does” weather, slowly but surely over the course of the next month before it truly kicks in mid-October.

67:What was the last book I’ve read?

The last book that I read start to finish every word was probably Khaled Hosseini’s “The Kite Runner”

68:Do I like the smell of gasoline?

Not particularly, no

69:Do I have any nicknames?

(Hot) Pete, and my last name

70:What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

Split open my head and needed a couple stitches when I was 8

71:Do I spend money or save it?

If I had any self-control or discipline, I’d be that rich teenage white boy you hear a lot in the media

72:Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

No.

73:Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?

Same as yesterday, the stuffed animal, pillow, and folder are all still here and my hot pink tie is still in my room about 40 feet away

74:Favourite animal?

I feel uneasy around pretty much any non-human sentient being, and then most human sentient beings as well. I just… don’t know how to answer this question honestly

75:What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

I was finishing up answering the rest of the asks last night at around midnight

76:What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

Satan is just a myth to scare people into being “better” people, where “better” is just a specific lifestyle dictated by whoever managed to gain influence in the doctrine and teachings of the religion.

His origins also come from a time where surnames and ‘last names’ were not a thing, so Satan is most likely a stand-alone name, much like Plato and Zeus.

77:What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

“She Used To Be Mine” by Sara Bareilles

78:How can you win my heart?

I’ll be the judge of that. It just… happens. Rachel, Kyle, Grae, Haley, Katie, Hot Luke, and others just……. existed, and then pretty much somehow they just became a big part of my life and I…. I just love them

79:What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

That I was a beloved friend who made a positive difference in their lives

80:What is my favorite word?

Aaaaahhhh! I know so many words, like, more than 5, and there are so many good ones!!!!!! Right now, I’m feeling music as the best word of the moment.

81:My top 5 blogs on tumblr

No. This is so rude. Why? Why must I single out a few blogs and tell the world that the interaction we’ve had isn’t enough for me and that you’re just not special enough to me? I refuse to do this.

82:If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

“I love my best friend, gay people are amazing, fund the arts, respect the arts, respect people who work the “undesired” jobs, work to protect the environment, and try to do things that make you happy while not harming other people or sentient beings.”

83:Do I have any relatives in jail?

Not that I know of

84:I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

I’m firmly in the teleportation camp. I hate being late and I’m not a fan of travelling.

85:What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

Hygiene-related questions… please…. I’m working on it…. let me be…..

86:What is my current desktop picture?

The default background

87:Had sex?

No, ew.

88:Bought condoms?

Never actually seen them accept in memes and once during health class in freshman year

89:Gotten pregnant?

No

90:Failed a class?

Yeah….. and it was the second semester of APUSH too…

91:Kissed a boy?

On his hand, which I’ll count

92:Kissed a girl?

Yeah

93:Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

No

94:Had job?

I became a CYO volleyball referee and reffed two seasons so far.

95:Left the house without my wallet?

Often, and since I’ve been driving, only twice (although one was driving up for a the campus tour at the college I ended up choosing, which was about 5 total hours of driving that day, a week after I got my license). I try to remember it when I go out because I saw a few months ago a post on here saying how valuable it is in case of an accident or something and the person has an ID, and I’ve been watching crime dramas for years and having an ID is always good.

96:Bullied someone on the internet?

Good heavens, no!

97:Had sex in public?

No! Ewwww, God that’s even worse

98:Played on a sports team?

I sooo miss volleyball, and soccer was fun too

99:Smoked weed?

I hope to be able to say no until I die

100:Did drugs?

I occasionally took my prescriptions… for like 2 months… whoops

But no, not for the intention of getting high or anything, I hate drugs, even advil and tylenol

101:Smoked cigarettes?

Fuck cigarettes (and no, I haven’t)

102:Drank alcohol?

A drop of an IPA when I was 13 and a sip of a red wine when I was 16 (with parental supervision that time), and nah, it isn’t my thing.

103:Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

Show me a well-prepared vegetable that has a decent flavor and I might be open to eating them more often

104:Been overweight?

Ever since I was like 2

105:Been underweight?

Never

106:Been to a wedding?

I think I’ve been to 5?

107:Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

what do you think I do every day?

108:Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

So many wasted hours...

109:Been outside my home country?

Not yet

110:Gotten my heart broken?

Actually? Seriously? Like, more than just butt hurt over an infatuation? No, not really

111:Been to a professional sports game?

A couple baseball games

112:Broken a bone?

My ulna and radius, just above the wrist, on my dad’s 48th birthday back in fifth grade when I tripped over my two feet in the middle of our street and landed poorly. We didn’t go to the hospital for like 3 days

113:Cut myself?

Like, as in self-harming? No.

114:Been to prom?

No, freshman homecoming was off-putting enough for me after the aftermath…

115:Been in airplane?

Yeah! Flying is great!

116:Fly by helicopter?

No

117:What concerts have I been to?

I apparently went to two The Wiggles concerts when I was a baby, and since then it’s only been school concerts

118:Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

I think the desire was enough to elevate it past a mere infatuation, but it wasn’t like a full-on crush if you know what I’m saying.

119:Learned another language?

Not fully… I’m that kind of white person (minus the complete snobbish elitist attitude)

120:Wore make up?

It isn’t bad, but it’s too close to my eyes for me to be comfortable, and it’s wayyy too much work to do like every day just to look better than my meagerness. I’m already bad enough with basic hygiene, this would be too much (although I guess if I cared that much about it it might help this problem…). I’ll gladly wear it for a show, though.

121:Lost my virginity before I was 18?

The concept of virginity is complete bs to oppress women and “weak” men and is only fun in the ‘sacrificing a virgin into a volcano’ trope but even then I don’t like it (again, sex is gross for me, so no)

122:Had oral sex?

I have kissed and been kissed on my lips, various spots on my face, and my hands, and that’s it.

123:Dyed my hair?

No

124:Voted in a presidential election?

No, but I registered to vote on my eighteenth birthday this year and I voted in the primary elections back in August and I can’t wait to vote in the November elections because VOTING IS IMPORTANT ESPECIALLY IN NON-PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS WHEN ONLY A VERY LOW PERCENTAGE OF THE POPULATION VOTES!!!!! LIKE, IT’S DISAPPOINTING THAT ONLY ABOUT 50% OF THE POPULATION VOTES IN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS, BUT THAT NUMBER DROPS TO 30-40% IN MIDTERM ELECTIONS AND ONLY 10-20% IN LOCAL-ONLY ELECTIONS (READ: ELECTIONS IN ODD-NUMBERED YEARS) AND THOSE NUMBERS BREAK MY HEART AND WE NEED TO VOTE MORE BECAUSE VOTING IS THE EASIEST WAY TO HAVE SOME LEVEL OF PARTICIPATION IN GOVERNMENT AND POLITICS AND IT IS IMPORTANT FOR THE VOICE OF THE PEOPLE TO BE HEARD AND IF YOU ONLY VOTE IN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS OR NEVER AT ALL, THEN THE PEOPLE WHO FAITHFULLY VOTE EVERY YEAR, AKA RICH OLD WHITE CONSERVATIVE MEN, ESSENTIALLY HAVE ALL OF THE VOICE IN THE ELECTIONS AND WE DO NOT NEED TO HAVE EVERYTHING ABOUT OUR GOVERNMENT DECIDED BY RICH OLD WHITE CONSERVATIVE MEN IF YOU’VE EVER READ ANY HISTORY TEXTBOOK OR REALLY ANYTHING, YOU SHOULD EASILY BE ABLE TO SEE WHY! PLEASE VOTE IN EVERY ELECTION!!!!!!!!!

125:Rode in an ambulance?

No

126:Had a surgery?

Do stitches count? Otherwise, no.

127:Met someone famous?

No

128:Stalked someone on a social network?

Too many times, sadly, and sorry

129:Peed outside?

Yeah

130:Been fishing?

No

131:Helped with charity?

I’ve volunteered with some non-profits, but I don’t think I’ve done so with a quote “charity” unquote.

132:Been rejected by a crush?

Probably? Most things were minor infatuations that I used to think were crushes, so I’m not sure. You could say that the most recent potential qualifier rejected me, but I would beg to differ given things now

133:Broken a mirror?

I was a reckless child

134:What do I want for birthday?

More time to spend alone with my best friend, more time to be with my best friend, a sudden influx of cash (and/or guaranteed financial stability), root beer and food and people to play games with

135:How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

Zero (0). However, if I do have kids, I’d probably adopt them, and I’d probably let them choose their names. Otherwise, I really like the names Luke, Pete®, James, Haley, Sara, Nicole, Alex (particularly for non-binary or female identifying persons), Rachel (though I probably wouldn’t name my kid that bc it’s too special for me), Hannah, and Emily.

136:Was I named after anyone?

My parents don’t say so.

137:Do I like my handwriting?

I’ve spent a long time crafting this efficient style, so yes. Also I have like three style to choose, my Most EfficientTM style, my All Caps (with the first letter taller than the others) style, and my fancy style with all of the tails at the end of the letters, the a like this font has it, the curls, anything I find to be   fancy   *jazz hands*

138:What was my favourite toy as a child?

Probably my little cars that I would move around on my city roads carpet along with a motorcycle that made had a brief jingle and then a simple noise that was super cool for 6-8 year old me

139:Favourite Tv Show?

Phineas and Ferb, or How I Met Your Mother

140:Where do I want to live when older?

Ideally, somewhere here in my hometown, I just love it here.

141:Play any musical instrument?

I can make a sound, but is it really playing? *suspenseful music crescendos*

142:One of my scars, how did I get it?

My Aunt re-married when I was 8 and the guy had a son a few months older than me, and we babysat him for a month during their honeymoon. Well, this boy wasn’t a good influence on me at all, but that’s beside the point. I thought he was… you know what, that actually is the point, but…. I though he was cool, and he could do things and did things that I wanted to try.

Well, one day, we laid out flat a futon and covered it with all the cushions and pillows from the couch that was also downstairs. Then, he grabbed an exercise ball, put it on the futon, got on it, rolled across the futon over the pillows, and stood up on the other side of the futon when he was done and I was so impressed, it blew my mind that he laid his midsection on the ball and rolled the ball like 6 feet and didn’t move or fall off of the exercise ball as it rolled.

So I tried it. And at the end, I slid off the ball, but not to land. I didn’t know how he stayed horizontal, and it showed, as I fell forward and slammed the side of me head into the corner of a cabinet right next to the far side of the cabinet. It hurt, and so I didn’t try a second time… until he successfully did it again a few minutes later. So I, desperately wanting to do it right and be “cool” like him, tried to do it again.

And I hit the exact same part of the side of my head on the corner of the cabinet again, almost exactly how my run went the first time. After the second hit, my head really hurt, and so I put my hands to my head, ran halfway up the stairs, and began to cry.

Also know that I was going through a phase where I loved to fake cry. I thought imitating the sounds of crying without the tears was one of the funniest things. And my mom hated it. She was a stay-at-home mom at that point, had been from a few months before I was born until my youngest sister entered elementary school with us. And so she was at home all day, every day (hence the babysitting). So, for the two months of summer by that point, my fake crying obsession was driving her up the wall.

Back to the story. Now, I’m sitting on the staircase, hands on my head because it hurts, tears forming in my eyes and my voice beginning to make all the crying sounds that I made when I was fake crying all summer so I guess my imitations were spot on. But after about a minute, I decided remove my arms from my head, and I looked at them, and there were lines of blood all the way from my fingers to my elbows and drops had fallen from my elbows onto my sock, and I shrieked.

I immediately went back down the stairs to the office where mom was on the computer, and the tears were coming almost as steady as the blood, and I was full-out crying. My mom, who was looking at the screen and thus only heard me crying, lashed out angrily, telling me to stop bothering her with that freaking fake crying. That is, until I got her to look at my arms. She took me upstairs and cleaned me up a little, but, while my bleeding slowed significantly, it didn’t stop.

After about 3 hours, my dad came home from work, and the bleeding still hadn’t stopped, and so we went to the hospital. I ended up getting 5 or 6 stitches, and when my hair is cut short enough, you can see the small white line.

That’s the only scar that I definitely know that I have. I haven’t really done anything physically risky since. That’s also pretty much when I stopped crying all that much…

143:Favourite pizza toping?

Extra cheese. Otherwise, sausage.

144:Am I afraid of the dark?

Only if I’m trying to sneak through somewhere and I can’t see where exactly I’m going

145:Am I afraid of heights?

Yeah, I would say I have a mild fear of heights. Specifically if I have to go down somewhere (like downhill slightly and there is a sharp decline on one side), or if I have to jump more than like 3 feet

146:Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

I’ve been reprimanded for going out for most of the day and not saying anything, just disappearing for like 6 hours on a Sunday morning

147:Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

I never try my hardest

148:What I’m really bad at

Emailing people I need to, cleaning, hygiene, contacting people, calling people on the phone/talking to people on the phone, doing what I need to do

149:What my greatest achievements are

I graduated from high school, I won an CYO volleyball championship in sixth grade, I won a math competition in 7th grade (by guessing better than 19 other 7th and 8th graders from two different schools), and I…….. I haven’t really done much yet, nothing truly worthwhile (except maybe hs graduation)

150:The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

I can’t think of anything, really. Although some acquaintances of mine made anti-Semitic “jokes” in front of me during summer camp this year and it bothered me a lot

151:What I’d do if I won in a lottery

I’d buy a large enough apartment to have space to wander around (picture Castle’s apartment from the show Castle, and pretty much like that but a little less opulent and I don’t need all the ornate luxuries around. Just the space of like 5-7 medium/large open rooms with a comfortable bed and a non-cramped bathroom or two, and a nice big kitchen for all the food I’m going to have.

I’d always have root beer in stock, along with some snacks that I like, and I’d have whatever foods my friends like because my closest friends would have invitations to come at literally any time (like, this is for max 6 people), and I’d like to regularly meet up with my closest friends and I’ll treat them to nice filling dinners at the local diners, Denny’s, wherever they want, even McDonald’s or whatever, and I’ll tip really well, like at least $50 dollars because those people are always so nice, and I’ll splurge so much on my friends.

I’d also donate a bunch to all of those people who really need it that I see come across my dash, and I’ll donate a crapload to my high school band because they meant the world to me, and I’d FUND THE ARTS BECAUSE THE ARTS ARE IMPORTANT.

152:What do I like about myself

I like that I love the arts and that I play the tuba and that I am getting into writing music and that I write poetry and that I love my friends especially my best friend and I like that I try to be positive and supportive of the LGBTQ+ community and that I actively try to make the world a slightly happier place most of the time

153:My closest Tumblr friend

Katie

154:Something I fantasize about

Getting to spend long periods of time with my best friend, having a bunch of money to spend on my best friend, being happy

155:Any question you’d like?

What is your favorite video game that you own that you’ve never seen elsewhere and is likely not well-known at all?

I love the game Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords for the Wii, and I can play it for hours upon hours for days and not get bored. It’s a really fun game with a long storyline that is entertaining and original, and I just love playing it and have literally only ever seen it at our house since my mom somehow found it and bought it like 7 years ago.

(yes, I made that question up myself)

Thank you for asking all of these!!!!!

(when I copied and pasted it to a google doc in case the computer shuts down and I lose the whole answer, it said that I had 4825 words and it took up 17 pages. So, yeah, this is 4867 words long!)

(And I was right, the everything disappeared and so I had to post it early so I could go back and edit it, so now it’s 4900 words long in total, after editing.)

[nonsense-and-shenanigans]

(First, go to this post if you don’t know what my #Before30BucketList is. I’ll also be going back to that original post and noting each goal accomplished if you want to keep up but miss out on some of my posts.)

This one was a really, really big deal.

I’ve spent my whole life going to concerts and rallys and shows and plays and movies and museums and whatever else people get excited about. But I’ve also spent my whole life loving books more than anything. And, until now, had never been to a single book signing or met a prominent author. I had heard musicians explain and sing songs that touched my heart, and I had watched my feelings played out on stage, I had seen art that spoke to me up close, but I had never heard an author discuss or read the words that lived in my soul.

So when I saw one of my favorite authors announce her book tour this year, I jumped on it. Then I decided to look up who else might be reading/signing close to me, and I found him.

The man who is made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

(If you don’t know that quote we can’t be friends. Just kidding, keep reading, and maybe you’ll learn it.)

As a toddler, my favorite book was Goodnight Moon (Margaret Wise Brown). As I grew, obviously that changed. I don’t remember them all, but as an adolescent You Don’t Know Me (David Klass) really spoke to me. Of course all of the Harry Potter (J.K. Rowling) books were in there, and as a teen I fell in love with Ellen Hopkins (Crank, among others). Once I started to fully come into my right-of-passage reading, I, like so many others, became glued to Catcher In The Rye (J.D. Salinger). As I grew into adulthood I gravitated toward the outcast novels — those written about drugs and insanity and homosexuality, with snark and exaggerated opinions — people who experienced struggles like mine with a crude mindset. Candy (Luke Davies) remains an all-time favorite, but Running With Scissors (Augusten Burroughs) imprinted itself in my veins and became a part of me.

My personal copy. I had the original cover design but someone must have borrowed it and never given it back. I keep a log of who borrows what book now. Because I’m crazy.

(p.s. – If you’ve seen any of these movies but haven’t read the books, please don’t judge a book by its movie adaptation. Some of the best books I’ve read turned into some of the worst movies I’ve seen.)

Sometimes I feel silly, telling people my favorite book is his most popular, because mainstream isn’t cool or something. But then I tell myself to shut up and that I’m not cool anyway, so admitting to loving something that’s fucking amazing isn’t going to change my seat in the lunchroom.

I love everything Burroughs writes. Even if I don’t agree with it, I find myself accepting him wholly and begging for more. His memoirs put me in times and places I’d never otherwise be, but also bring a sense of home when his intense, blunt words intermingle with my delicate, rambunctious, off-kilter brain. His fiction is hilarious and riveting. Even in times (and they are rare) when I find myself not wanting to read certain stories or opinions, I later find that I needed to read them. I don’t really believe much in role models, because no one’s exactly like you, but he comes damn close because I relate so much to him, yet sometimes not at all.

Anyway, enough gushing. I stalked his Facebook and Googled my ass off and learned he would be in New Jersey on Tuesday, March 28th. So I put it on my calendar and my dad’s calendar and my husband’s calendar and my mom’s calendar and my sister-in-law’s calendar. I usually like to have a partner in crime (or two) when I have incredible experiences so my mom and sister-in-law were planning to come with me, and we had it all set. Except sometimes I suck, so while I knew there was a $17 charge for the NJ book signing (it also came with a paperback copy of his latest book, Lust & Wonder, which I wanted because I only have the hard copy), I somehow put it out of my mind until the weekend before. And of course, when I went to purchase the tickets they were sold out.

Me being me, however, I also knew pretty much every other date and venue on the book tour, and it turned out he would be in NYC that Monday, March 27th. Now you may think that New York is much farther away from me than a location in my home state, but I’m at the very bottom and NJ, PA, and NY are oddly set up so they were both actually the same distance. I was just worried that, since Burroughs had spent so much of his life in New York, and it was a free event, and it was freakin’ New York City, that it would be mobbed and I would miss out. I also found out that literally no one I knew was available to go with me.

So I got a babysitter and every book he’s ever written and my “I can’t live without books” book tote and my Jenny Lawson You Are Here coloring-but-not-really book and my gel pens and I set off for the big city, all by my lonesome.

I arrived four hours early. When I went to Jenny Lawson’s book signing I got there an hour early and all the seats were already taken so I had to sit on the floor (but in the front, so there, seat-takers) so naturally I assumed I wouldn’t be the first to arrive. The Barnes & Noble customer service representative looked at me like I was on fire and breathing spiders when I told her I was there for Augusten Burroughs. Also like she pitied me, which didn’t make me mad but rather humored because I wasn’t missing anything by waiting — I had my books (and a whole book store) to keep me company, while she would miss out on meeting a legend because she had to sit behind a desk. Who’s the winner, really?

This is my “I’m crazy and arrive 4 hours early” face.

While I was waiting I knocked out some aspects of my Traveling Alone bucket list item and felt very peaceful and content. It’s not such a bad thing having to wait for four hours exploring book stores and Manhattan and meeting new people and simply doing whatever I wanted. But I was a little neurotic and kept venturing back to Barnes & Noble to make sure some mad rush of fans didn’t show up and kick me out of my first-in-line spot.

They didn’t. I was the first one at the door, and the first one in the door, and the first one to pick my seat, which was obviously front and center. The rest of the crowd still thought I was crazy when they learned that I had arrived so early, but hey, when you’re passionate about something you fight for it. I fought time.

This is how front and center I was. There was maybe a foot between the front of my chair and the stage.

I was so giddy and so nervous and didn’t know what to do with my hands or my three bags or my phone or my breathing. I don’t know why I get nervous — I preach all day every day that politicians and police and celebrities and the like are all people — humans like you and me with flaws and fabulosities (I just made that word up), but when I get around authors I freeze and become a blubbering idiot.

We all got seated and excited and I kept looking around to see what other kinds of degenerates Burroughs attracted, and I was surprised to find a wide array of people — a businessman, a woman and her son who was actually named Augusten, teachers, young adults, older adults, gay men, straight men, the rebels and the righteous. We all came together over the love of writing or reading, specifically by one man who did not fit into all of our labels.

I was actually surprised to learn that Burroughs was more “stereotypically gay” than I had pictured him. I don’t know if that makes me a good person for assuming he was just a human, or a bad person for noticing “gay traits”, or maybe I was good turned bad or maybe I was just another person trying to scrub out the brainwashing done by growing up in American Millennium society. But I did learn a bit about myself, and him, and I felt like I got to know him much better which calmed me down a lot because usually I have a tendency to build people up into unattainable perfection in my head and am nearly always let down by the real thing.

He started out by reading a section from Lust & Wonder, and hearing how he narrated it in his head while writing was an experience I can’t even explain. We read things according to our own biases, and it’s often thrilling to learn how words on paper were meant to be read — with the proper exaggerations and pauses and snark.

This clip is long, but if you’re anything like me, you’ll be able to watch it a million times. Otherwise, skip around, watch as much or as little as you’d like.

Then the room was open to ask questions. I’ve learned, in the whole two book signings/readings I’ve been to, that I need to not ask the first question, but learn to read the author and prepare myself for their ending so I can shoot up my hand at exactly the right time — not too soon as to avoid being rude, but not too late as to avoid be overlooked. I think I’ve perfected this art. (This is something that should be taught. People teach everything nowadays, maybe I’ll make my own “When to raise your hand at exactly the right moment to be noticed without being pushy” class.)

So I asked my question, which I didn’t even know needed to be asked until it came out, and his response was perfect and detailed and meaningful.

(I have this horrible habit of constantly messing with my nose and I never noticed how gross it looks until now and I’m horrified that I did it not only in front of, but to one of my swoon-worthy celebrities.)

After the questions from all types of audience members, we lined up to get our books signed. (I told people how excited I was and they agreed but then I noted that this was better than meeting Brad Pitt and they just gave me weird looks and stopped talking to me.) I was the only one with all nine of his books so I was worried he wouldn’t want to sign them all, or there wouldn’t be enough time, or his handler (manager was the word I was looking for but handler came out and now I think it’s fitting) would push some of my books to the side. But none of that happened. Burroughs was thrilled to take as much time as needed to sign everyone’s books the way they wanted, and talk to them about whatever nonsense came out of their mouths (I also told him the Brad Pitt thing and he said “No, it’s really not”, which is the same thing Jenny Lawson said so now my mission is to make writers realize how wonderful and talented and essential they are), and to take pictures with anyone who asked.

When I got my picture taken with Jenny Lawson I looked awkward and starstruck standing behind her, trying not to touch her but be close enough to look like she actually cares about me, all while hiding a horrible breakout I had on my chest. So this time I embarrassingly but wonderfully asked to take a selfie, and Burroughs was not only more than happy to partake but put his arm around me, got as close as possible, and let me take two to make sure at least one was acceptable.

This is the good one where I look like a normal person taking a picture with her friend.

This is the funny one where I’m like “Holy fuck guys LOOK WHO’S TOUCHING ME”, But it’s still adorable, right?

The selfie thing totally worked out, by the way, because I’ve been breaking out like a 14-year-old lately and Burroughs mentioned that a facial he’d had a few days prior made him break out, but I’ve tweaked the light intake settings on my front camera to make us look flawless.

So in the end I got to experience a sincere reading, engage in extensive Q&A discussion, get every single book personally signed, take an everlasting selfie with my closest-thing-to-a-role-model, and partake in more personal conversation in which he told me he would remember my blog and check it out (Yes, I almost fainted) (Yes I’m also aware it might not happen). (If you’re reading this — I am crazy but I swear it’s usually in a good, quirky way.)

Then, high on life and experience and thinking magical thoughts and happiness, I went on my next #Before30BucketList adventure (coming soon).

Companions: Books, Augusten Burroughs, other fans

Cost Book for Son: $5 (I always bring him home a book when I go to a book signing) (Travel costs included in “Travel Alone” instead)

Goal # 3: Meet Favorite Author Accomplished: 3-27-2017

Bucket List Total: $129

#Before30BucketList: Meet Favorite Author (First, go to this post if you don’t know what my #Before30BucketList is. I’ll also be going back to that original post and noting each goal accomplished if you want to keep up but miss out on some of my posts.)