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#steve becoming the mom he never had im sobbing
idkimtiredanddumb · 2 years
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Steve’s awful stuffy parents who never cared what he did so long as he maintained their image as The Harringtons come home early because something weird and terrible is happening in Hawkins and they should make an appearance and find their son in the living room, COVERED in grime and blood with a bat of nails by his side and a skinny messy haired metalhead boy on his lap SURROUNDED by kids calling him mom 
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imthebadguyyy · 2 years
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I : The First Meeting.
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pairing | steve harrington x reader
synopsis | steve meets Eddie's best friend...and her little baby love.
warnings | some talk about abandonment, single mom struggles, and some sugary sweet fluff
a/n • it's been a while, but im back!
*:・゚✧*:・゚✧*:・゚✧*:・゚✧*:・゚✧*:・゚✧
steve wasnt a 100% sure when he and eddie 'the freak' munson had become such good friends. and yet, here he was, sitting in eddie's trailer, a cold beer in hand as they watched the rerun of some show eddie had taped, while metallica played in the background.
he would never admit it, but he had begun to enjoy the bass of cliff burton's guitar more than he'd ever thought he would. and what he'd never admit even more was that eddie was a much better person than he'd ever thought, and had quickly taken up a spot next to robin on his list of closest friends.
the knock on the door of the trailer snapped him out of his train of thought, and he reached for his wallet before eddie could protest, assuming it to be the pizzas he had ordered for the two of them to share.
but as he opened the door, wallet in hand, he caught sight of a little girl, hair in loose curls that fell way past her shoulders, with the prettiest hazel eyes he'd ever seen gazing up at him, lower lip wobbling.
she was scrunching the material of her denim dress in her tiny first, and he noticed the tears forming in her eyes.
"uh, eddie? there's a kid here" he stated, and the man in question stick his curly head of hair out the door. "oh well, well, well,if it isn't little miss princess!" Eddie exclaimed, a grin spreading across his face, before it slid right off, noticing her watery eyes and wobbly lips.
"whats wrong princess?" he asked, worry filling every bone in his body as he scooped the little girl up in his arms, eyes widening in alarm as she began to sob again.
"i fell" she cried, little sobs breaking her voice and breaking steve's heart into a thousand little pieces.
"oh baby, you fell? how'd you fall? are you hurt?" Eddie questioned, closing the door of the trailer and setting the little girl down on his lap.
"was playing with mr tibbles, and he fell, i try to pick him up but i fell down on the floor" she exclaimed, a sharp wail leaving her mouth and steve flinched. "it's okay baby, we're gonna fix you right up" Eddie said, pressing a little kiss to her cheek.
"so whose the crying baby?" steve asked, rummaging around eddie's bathroom for the first aid kit.
"ah, you know y/n l/n? she's her daughter"
"wait wait y/n? as in smartest girl in the school, y/n? wasn't she supposed to move new york to pursue law?" steve asked, remembering the girl he had crushed on since he was a little boy.
"yeah, she dated some jerk who got her pregnant, then ran the moment she told him. so her uni plans were cancelled, parents kicked her out, and she's been raising aurelia on her own" eddie muttered, cutting out a length of gauze.
"what a jerk" steve said, feeling his heart go out to the girl he had once known so well.
"yeah, she lives a few trailers down and so uncle wayne and i help her out whenever we can. lucky for all of us, little aurelia has the sweetest temper and she's rarely upset. she's a sweetheart" he cooed, gently pouring antiseptic cleanser onto a piece of cotton, before gently cleaning the scrape on her knee.
aurelia hissed, but was quickly distracted by steve, who took the opportunity to grab the stuffed bunny she was carrying, bringing him up to his face before putting on a funny voice.
"wellll if it isn't my favouriteeee little baby! hello aurelia! i hear you have a boo boo, and im sooo sorry to have given you a boo boo. how about a biggg hug" he continued, in a high pitched voice that sounded nothing like his own, ignoring Eddie's snort.
"you know she's 3 dude. you can just talk to her" he said, putting a little blue bandage on the scrape. "there we go m'lady, all done and ready to go" he said, bowing to aurelia.
she giggled, and to steve's surprise, grasped onto his fingers. "whats your name?" she asked, bubbly voice reaching his ears in an oddly wholesome way.
"uh, steve" he said, still holding mr tibbles in his hands.
"hello uh steve, im aurelia. this is mr tibbles" she said, earning a louder chuckle from Eddie.
"no no, im just steve" he said, blushing a little.
"then hello just steve" she said, beaming brightly at him. eddie snorted again, unable to contain his mirth at what a mess the babysitter of the group was with an actual baby.
"angel, his names steve. thats it. now can you tell me where mommy is?" he asked, saving steve from his predicament.
"mama's at work. i stay with miss cooper but she left me to go get a bubbly" she said innocently, too young to comprehend that a bubbly meant a beer.
steve understood though. and he felt a surge of anger at this miss cooper for abandoning the sweet girl before him to get a beer.
"mama should be home soon, you hungry angel?" eddie asked, pulling out a box of cookies he kept specially for aurelia.
"yes! m so hungry. miss cooper forgot to feed me my apple" she stated, reaching for a cookie and offering eddie a large hug.
then, with her mouth half full of cookie, and half a cookie left in her other hand, she turned to steve, offering her hand out to him, with a smile, "we share cookie?" she asked, and steve swore his heart melted then and there.
"sure baby, we share" he agreed, reaching for the crumbly cookie and making a great show about eating it.
"mmm how delicious. do you love these cookies?" he asked, gently rubbing away the crumbs from her mouth.
"yes! eddie always brings. i love eddie" she stated, squeezing eddie around his knees.
"well gosh lady aurelia, consider your good ol' eddie honoured" the metalhead grinned, hopping out the door to grab the pizza that has just showed up.
"you want some pizza?" steve asked, pulling out three plates.
"i love pizza. but mummy says we shouldn't eat it too much. tummy ache" she said seriously, raising her arms up.
"oh, you want to be carried?" steve asked, gently scooping her up.
before aurelia could reply, she was interrupted by a flurry of frantic knocking.
"eddie! eddie! is lia with you?!" a frantic voice asked, and Eddie rushed to open the door.
"yeah yeah she's with me, calm down, here come in" he made quick work of reassuring the frantic woman at the doorstep.
when you stepped in, steve felt sure his heart had stopped.
"y/n, babe, you remember steve? steve harrington? high school? king steve? the whole pizazz?" he smirked, and as much as he loved eddie, he wanted to sock him in the face.
"uh, hey y/n, how've you been?" he asked, offering you a warm smile.
when you saw steve harrington, those butterflies you used to feel around him came rushing back, and you suddenly felt conscious about your outfit. you'd been dressed in a loose shirt and a skirt, and the jacket you were supposed to wear to cover your shift at melvald's with joyce byers.
"oh, hey! i've been alright, how've you been?" you asked, taking note of how calm aurelia was in his arms.
speaking of whom, the little girl in his arms let out a squeal, kicking her little legs against him, reaching out for you.
"mommy! mommy! you're back!" she squealed, and you instantly felt the days frustrations melt off.
"hi baby, I've missed you so much! how'd you end up here!" you asked, pressing a flurry of kisses to her chubby cheeks. even as aurelia had grown older, she'd retained her cute chubby baby cheeks. and you loved kissing them.
*she scraped her knee a lil, but uncle eds fixed it right up, so don't worry. also, y/n, just leave her with me next time. cooper sucks balls" Eddie said and you shushed him.
"language eds. cant have her repeating that all around the trailer park" you mumbled, pressing a kiss to her knee.
"mumma's sorry she left you and you got hurt baby, do you forgive her?" you asked, gently brushing her hair behind her ears.
"yes mommy, i love you! issok, uncle Eddie fixed my boo boo and Stevie helped too!" she exclaimed and you giggled.
"well, thank you, the both of you" you smiled.
steve felt his heart melt a little more, watching the interaction between the two of you.
he watched as you bounced little aurelia on your hip, and as she fiddled with the loose strands of your hair, which is noticed were considerably shorter than they had been a few years ago.
it was then that he noticed how much thinner you looked, how your eyes, albeit smiling at your daughter, held the traces of many a night spent crying or worrying over the future, the soft worry lines in between your eyebrows, and finally the slight slump of your shoulders, signifying how tired you were after what he could only assume numerous extra shifts.
"we were just about to sit down and share some pizza with our little lady" eddie chimed in making you giggle. "that sounds lovely" you smiled, trying to ignore the tug of hunger in your stomach.
and that's when realisation hit you.
fuck. you had forgotten to get the groceries from the store. joyce was always kind enough to keep some spares for you to take home, knowing how hard it was for a single mom to make ends meet.
you wanted to cry. but you couldn't. all you had at home was some baby food and some snacks for her and peanut butter. that was not going to cut it.
a frustrated exhale left your nose, and steve noticed.
"wanna join us for some pizza?" he asked nonchalantly, hoping you'd say yes.
"uh.. it's okay i have food at home" you lied through your teeth, ignoring the rumbling in your stomach as the smell of the pizza wafted towards you.
"doesn't matter, we have way too much pizza here so we'd probably not finish anyway. c'mon, my treat" he smiled, and sweet, sweet relief washed over you. you did not want to scoop peanut butter out the jar on wheat crackers for the third night of the week.
so you smiled, and nodded shyly, "thats sweet of you, but only if you're sure" you said, slight guilt bubbling at not being able to contribute. but you'd promised aurelia to rent a cassette of duck tales for her birthday later that week, maybe even buy it if you could afford it after the groceries and a new skirt since yours had torn.
"yes of course we're sure, c'mon grab a plate" he smiled at you, putting a slice of pizza on your plate.
you broke off a tiny piece, holding it tip to lia's mouth when steve tutted. "wait, here's her slice, and there's more if she'd like" he said, handing you a smaller plate with a slice of pizza for aurelia.
"oh no, its enough that you're sharing, besides the two of us have shared before, we don't mind" you were quick to cut him off with a soft smile, but he shook his head.
"that may be so, but we have more than enough so you can both have as many slices as you want. isn't that right eds?" he asked, scoffing at the metalhead who was shoving pizza into his mouth.
"wha-? oh yeah y/n, go full on stuff mode, we have so much. want a cold beer?" he asked, and you giggled. "sure, i don't mind one" you replied, catching the can he tossed at you.
you watched as aurelia chewed her slice slowly, giggling with eddie as they watched the kermit tape he'd bought just for her.
steve watched you take a slow bite of your food, savouring every morsel, and he saw how happy it made you. he wondered how long it had been since you'd had pizza.
you were wondering the same. prices had shot up recently and it had been more than six months. the taste of the cheese was warming and it made you feel happy.
the moment your slice was over, you got up to wash your plate, only to be stopped by steve stopping you and firmly sliding another slice into your plate.
"c'mon, have another one. I'm done and so is eddie. we filled up on chips. please, just one more slice?" he pleaded, and you felt your heart melt.
how long had it been since someone had checked to see if you had eaten properly? or asked you to take more? it made you wanna cry.
so you smiled, said a soft thank you and took another slice.
aurelia finished her slice, and began to fuss. you looked at the click and swore under your breath. it was way past her bedtime.
"oh i gotta go, it's time for lia's bath and then i have to put her to bed" you mumbled, grabbing your keys and your purse.
"just hold on to her eds, I'll do the dishes real quick" you continued, picking up the plates.
"woah woah y/n, its okay, we can do the dishes ourselves" steve interrupted, grabbing your hand, a slight frown appearing on his face. "you just concentrate on getting lia to bed" he said, brushing his thumb over the soft skin of your hand.
you blushed. he noticed.
"are you sure? i can do that much, i didn't even pay for dinner" you said, guilt rising in your chest.
"dinner was my treat, and Eddie and i can handle four plates. trust me y/n, we got this. go home" he said, still running his thumb over your hand.
"thank you so much. for dinner, and for taking care of aurelia, and for helping her knee. lia, say thank you steve!" you told the toddler.
"tank you stevie!" she exclaimed and he grinned.
picking up your stuff and Mr tibbles, you scooped aurelia up into your arms.
"lia, say bye bye to uncle eds and stevie" you said, and the life girl obliged, leaning forward to kiss eddie's cheek.
"bye bye stevie" she giggled, looping her arms around his neck and tugging him in.
"bye bye princess" he smiled, gently patting her back.
"wait, let me walk you two ladies to your trailer" he said, and you shook your head. "no it's quite alright, you've already done so much" you said, offering him your sweetest smile.
"it's alright, i don't mind" he smiled back, and so you let him.
it felt good to have someone walk next to you in the dark trailer park, to listen to him chatted with lia and keep an eye out for the both of you.
you felt safe. you felt cared for. and you craved that feeling more than you'd ever admit.
the yellow lights of your trailer came into sight and you suddenly became conscious of the fact that the steve harrington was standing in front of your trailer.
as if sensing your insecurities, steve said, right on cue, "youve done it up so nicely, it looks stunning" as he watched you walk up the steps.
"thank you. it's not much, but...it's home" you murmured, feeling tears rise in your eyes.
steve noticed too.
"i think you're very brave, to be providing for your beautiful baby and managing to manage a pretty home. Eddie told me about what happened...it's brave of you to start over" he murmured back, running a comforting hand down your back.
you let yourself lean in for a moment. it felt so good to be commended and praised for what was a tiring job and you wanted to squeeze him in the tightest hug. you resorted to squeezing his hand.
"well, this is me" you smiled, and he laughed.
"you can come over to sometime" you continued, "i think lia would like it" you rushed to cover up, hoping you didn't sound over hyper to see him again.
"of course, I'd love to see lia again, and you of course" he smiled, and you felt your cheeks heat up again.
"good night steve, thank you for everything today" you smiled, opening your trailer door slightly.
"no problem, good night y/n. ill see you soon. good night lia!" he said, and she waved to him, head resting sleeping on your shoulder.
with a final smile in his direction, you closed the door, biting your lip with a smile as you rested against the trailer door.
outside, steve stood in front of your door, smiling like an idiot in love.
oh shit, he thought.
he was an idiot in love.
*:・゚✧*:・゚✧*:・゚✧*:・゚✧*:・゚✧*:・
TAGS *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
and here it is! this will have multiple parts, this is just the beginning of steve, lia and y/n's story ❤️ 🥺
as always, likes, reblogs, comments and feedback is appreciated! feel free to send an ask or drop by the dms!
i'm always open to making new friends!
everything - @roslastyles420
stranger things -
to be added to the taglist, send me an ask or a dm or reply to the post, specifying which fandom ❤️
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queridopascal · 3 years
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what if reader wants a baby but javi is against cos all the narcos thing so reader keeps sneaking to connie to play/take care of the baby and javi finds out?? im sorry i just love a angst fluffy 😔 loveya
Warning: angst, hint to depression, fluff
A/N: sorry, I live for happy endings!
You love babies, always have: their giggles, their squishy cheeks, their tiny feet - everything.
Javier, on the contrary, was frightened at the idea, just the thought of something bad happening to them was what led him to his decision of not wanting to have kids.
You understood his choice and respected it: you loved Javier with all your heart, but didn't want to force him to want the same things as you, you knew he'd be miserable and feel trapped in a life that didn't belong to him.
When you heard that Steve and Connie had adopted Olivia, you felt immensely happy for them. You went to their place a couple of times a week to have a coffee and a chat with Connie and to play a little with Olivia.
"You're really a natural." Connie sat right beside you on the carpet where you were playing with their kid.
"She's adorable." you smiled, sadly, and Connie noticed.
"Is everything alright?"
"Yeah." you sighed and nodded, but she wasn't having it.
"Hey, I've known you for a while now. You can talk to me."
And so, you did. You told her about how you wished to have a baby with Javier, how you imagined them to have his brown eyes and his dark hair, how you'd dress them in those cute leotards, how you'd buy them all the newest toys and how you'd want to spoil them.
Connie would let you come over in the evening sometimes, when both Steve and Javier where on missions, and you'd spend the evening playing and taking care of Olivia.
Apparently, Connie had told Steve about those evenings, and he had then told Javier.
"I know you want to become a mom," he caressed your cheek "but I can't give you that, not here in Colombia. And I'm sorry."
"B-but... "
Javier pulled you to him, and you placed your face on his shoulder as he held you in his arms.
"It's too dangerous here," he exhaled "and I don't want to get a piece of heaven and then get it taken away from me, I don't think I could live with it."
You remained silent and mulled over his words again and again; and the more you thought about it, the more it made sense.
"I..." he began, breathing out shakily "I don't want to keep you from your dreams, I really don't want to. So... I'm telling you that if you want to leave and go have the life you wish for, you can."
"Javi, what the..."
"I'm serious. You deserve to be happy."
"But I don't want to be happy with anyone else but you, Javi." tears streamed down your cheeks "I'd rather give up on one of my wishes than be with somebody else."
"Why?" he opened his arms "Give me one reason."
"Because I love you, Javi." you sobbed "And when you care about someone, you have to make sacrifices."
Javier felt horrible. He loved you too, he loved you like he had never loved anyone before. He thought about what he had told you for the whole night and for the entirety of his day at work.
You'd spent the day in your bed, refusing to leave it, you didn't even eat.
And when Javier came home from work and found you still there, he felt a pain in his chest and a knot in his throat.
"Hey," he sat down on the edge of the bed, right by your side "you okay?"
You nodded silently and he caressed your cheek with the back of his hand.
"I'm sorry for what I said last night." he sighed.
You closed your eyes for a moment, relishing in the soothing warmth of his touch.
"I've been thinking about it all day and... I don't want you to give up on your greatest wish." he swallowed, his eyes meeting yours "And I've come to realize that... maybe... we could try, I can try."
You opened your eyes, stunned and shocked.
"Are you sure?" you sat up, tears already pooling at the corners of your eyes.
Javier nodded and smiled at you, one of the most sincere smiles you'd have seen on his face, then touched your foreahed with his.
"I want you by my side, and I want you to be happy by my side." he cupped your face "We can go back to the US and... start a family there. I promise I'll try my best to be a good father. "
{2 YEARS LATER}
"Princesita, I missed you so much!"
Javier picks her up in his arms and kisses her cheek, she plays with his tie and giggles.
"And I missed you too, mi amor." he walks over to you with Rosalía in his arms and kisses you on the lips.
PERMANENT TAGLIST: @sleep-tight1 @mssbridgerton @imcalledflorence @withakindheartx @emmy626 @greeneyedblondie44 @myguiltypleasures21 @pedroverse @donnaa @snow30285 @computeringturtle @sugahunnynoicetea @lilpopizzle @hnt-escape @sara-alonso @darnitdraco @larakazzer @carstwirs @agingerindenial @heythere-mel @phoenixhalliwell @tobealostwanderer @radiowallet @evelynseventyr @thatgirlselectryc @princess76179 @hb8301 @jeeperky @jenrebloggingfics @jasterslegacy @kestrelmando @miulola @elegantduckturtle @aana4664 @shadowolf993
JAVI TAGLIST: @xjsteph @bastillealmighty @startrekkingaroundasgard
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just-my-fandom · 5 years
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Hold Me (Peter Parker x Stark! Reader)
Request; Hi so I know you're getting a lot of sad requests but can I request one more for Peter Parker? Reader is Tonys daughter (I know you got so many Stark daughter requests) and is super super close to Tony after loosing her mom, and she is at her fathers side when he dies and when the reader goes back home with Pepper and Morgan she skips the funeral to stay in her room and Peter comes to check in on her and she starts crying and asks him to hold her?
Warnings; Lots of crying, reader becomes depressed and it shows
What really ticks me the fuck off was I had over half of this written, pressed save and some "unknown error occurred" and deleted my shit, CAUSING ME TO REWRITE THIS SHIT. Fuck you Tumblr
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__________________________________________
"Dad!"
Tony slowly lurrs his head to the broken sob next to him, a figure dropping to their knees in the dirt and moving their hands to his shoulders
"Dad, please," It's his daughter, eyes full of tears and already falling down her cheeks, fingers drawing down to his chest to grab at his shirt, "Please talk to me,"
Tony moves his eyes up to your face, stained red with blood and bruised from taking punches,
"Y/N?" Tony lifts up the hand that rested in his lap, your eyes darting downwards before you take the hand, holding it up to press to your heart,
"Im right here Dad, I promise," You scoot forward, fingers tight around Tonys as you searched his eye's, "Dad you gotta stay strong, please, just for a little bit longer,"
Tony closes his eye's, head shaking weakly, and he grabs your other hand, dragging it to the light on his chest,
"Dad," Panic is visible in your voice when Tonys hand drops, going limp in your grasp, "No, no," You tug at his shirt, chest heaving in sobs,
You pinch your eyes shut as the light fades, leaning forward so your forehead pressed to his shoulder, arms sliding around his back, "Dad please, dont leave me too,"
"Y/N," Your godfather, Rhodey, kneels down, hand at your back, "Sweetheart,"
The cry your release shatters Rhodeys heart, arm wrapping around you to slowly pull you off your father, but your hands fly to his arms, a scream tearing through your throat,
"No!! Please! Dad, wake up!!" Knees falling weak, you drop your head so your hair blocked your face, sobs shaken as you allow Steve to wrap his arms around you, holding you up against his beaten form,
"Dad," You hiccup, Steves hand pressing to your head and lowering it down to his chest, your eyes shutting tiredly,
"It's okay," Steves voice quivers against your ear, eyes looking away from Tonys form, "I got you,"
____________________________________________
"Mrs. Stark?"
Pepper looks up at the weak voice, the all too familiar face of Peter coming to view as he bites the inside of his cheek, "U-um, sorry, Pepper,"
"Im guessing you're looking for Y/N?" Pepper asks gently, Peter pressing his lips together, nodding slightly,
"In her room," Pepper smiles weakly, "Be gentle,"
"Got it," Peter whispers, nodding in thanks, and he walks up the stairs to the home owned by the Stark family, eyes catching the picture frames lined on the wall,
One was of you at newborn, Tony holding you so your head was in his hands, and Rhodey sat across from him, laughing off guard of the camera,
Peter looks away, entering your room and pausing when he reaches the door,
He finds you, curled in a recliner seat you had by your window, one of Tonys button ups thrown on and arms tucked against yourself,
Your eyes showed dried tears, staring out the window to give you the full view of the lake, down below being the family of yours and Tony's,
Peter silently slides off his tux jacket, unclipping his bowtie and setting it on your bed, unmade like it has always been,
"Hey," Peter murmurs, slowly squatting down in front of the recliner and hesitantly placing a hand at your thigh, "I don't think I should ask if you're okay,"
You swallow thickly, Peter visibly seeing your eyebrows pinch at a headache that never left, eyes leaving the window to look down at the teenager,
"I should've been me," You whimper, Peter shaking his head slowly and tucking hair behind your ear,
"No, please dont say that," He pleas, and you blink rapidly, tears blurring your vision,
"It hurts, so so bad, Peter," Your arms slide out from around you, hiccuping as you press your sleeve to your eye, "I cant believe hes gone,"
"I know, baby," He draws his thumb under your eye, own eyes shimmering at your broken state, "I know it hurts, but Im always going to be here for you, no matter what happens,"
"Peter," You meet his eye's, arms sticking out, "Please dont leave me,"
Peter rises to his feet, arms looping around you and pulling you up, holding you tight under his chin,
"Never," He breathes, hand running through your hair and allowing you to cry into his shoulder, "I promise I'll never leave you,"
. . .
"Peter?"
Peter slowly blinks open his eye's, squinting at the light of the hallway shining, making out the figure of Pepper at the bedroom door,
"Oh, Pepper, I-I must of fell asleep," He whisper shouts, eyes looking down at you to catch your nose in his chest, face at peace and hands at his sides,
"No, no," Pepper smiles, "It's okay," She holds up her phone, "May called just to check up on you. She's okay with you staying the night, Y/N's finally sleeping with you here,"
"Its really bad," Peter frowns, hearing you inhale a deep breath and release it as your muscles relax against his soft touch, "Im afraid she wont be okay if I leave,"
"You can stay as long as you need," Pepper states softly, "You know how Y/N can be, if it comes to it she can spend nights at your house,"
"Stop talking," You whine against Peters chest, voice muffled as you blink open your eyes and look up, "Im trying to sleep,"
"Sorry love," Peter smiles warmly, and Pepper chuckles, sending a wink and closing your door with a soft click,
"I'll be okay," You murmur, hand rubbing your eye as you press your ear to his chest, "I just need you here for a while,"
"And I'll be here," Peter presses kisses to your temple, then tilts your head up with his thumb, lips brushing yours, "Whenever you need me, Sweetheart,"
"What would I do without you?" You smile tiredly, Peter pecking your lips before sliding his mouth to your cheek,
"You'd be dehydrated, sleep deprived and you'd starve yourself," Peter raises an eyebrow knowingly, and you laugh in his ear,
"True," You slide your hands to the back of his neck, scooting up so you were facing him straight on, "I love you Peter Parker. Thank you for being here,"
"Of course," Peter whispers, your fingers tangling in his hair as he leans forward, forehead bumping yours as your eyes flutter shut, and he realizes you've fallen asleep when your smile falters and your grip has loosened,
"Good night," Peter presses his lips finally to your nose, resting his head on the pillow and allowing darkness to consume him
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palmviolet · 5 years
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jim hopper, or how to fuck up a character: the guide
so. i am mad.
hopper was the character treated the worst in the season. (except perhaps will, because i was expecting so much and got so little.) but seriously? his characterisation was appalling.
i have already had problems with his parenting of el in s2. (as @nancykali has talked about in the past.) he was overly controlling and borderline abusive in trying to keep her safe - and this, while awful, could have been fixed in s3. you know how?
1) have them actually talk to each other about feelings etc.
2) have joyce actively involved in co-parenting el (as hopper clearly is not up to it on his own).
3) not be so controlling.
instead, what do we get?? horrifyingly controlling, obsessive parenting played for comic relief. joyce is clearly not a large part of el’s life (as she calls joyce ‘will’s mom’ only). hopper decides he wants to talk to el, have a ‘heart to heart’ - but instead he traps mike in his car and basically yells him down. not! good! parenting! and then he lies to joyce about it! and she doesn’t know this until after his death! which will make her already traumatic and tangled feelings even more complicated! ugh!
and then hopper and el are separated. for the rest of the season, until the very end. he gives her a nice speech, but that’s it. until after his death, when the mourning for his death is only really given to el- only el is really allowed to cry, only el is given a long moment with his memory. he’s spent the whole season with joyce, not even thinking about el (another writing mistake), and yet joyce is not allowed to mourn at all. what the fuck
and then. phew. his treatment of joyce.
i made a list of everything he said to her that made me want to cry.
(prior to this also mr clarke suggests she is delusional, ‘apophenia, seeing patterns that aren’t there’, and nancy tells jonathan he really is joyce’s son, because he ‘worries too much’.)
1) joyce tries to explain why she stood hopper up. he refuses to listen, repeatedly saying ‘you’ve outdone yourself, joyce!’ implying she’s descended to a new level of crazy. she recognises this and tells him ‘you’re not even listening to me!’
2) ‘it makes sense, i’m sorry.’ she sighs in relief because she thinks he believes her, like he has done in the past. UNTIL he becomes horribly, horribly sarcastic - almost cruel. she is very visibly worked up and distressed but he only cares about his feelings.
3) ‘now you’re inventing things to get worked up about because god forbid any of us move on!’ - seriously?? she’s clearly still traumatised and grieving bob’s death, and even if she is inventing things he should be concerned, not angry, because clearly she’s still dealing with the trauma of it all IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU HOPPER FFS
4) then they finally get to the lab. when she’s frozen staring at the spot where bob died hopper hesitates and seems very impatient - ‘are you okay? do you wanna wait in the car?’ it’s very peremptory.
5) then they get to the room where the gate was. he touches the empty wall and says ‘nobody’s home’ in a pretty scathing tone. joyce clearly has severe ptsd (she literally has a flashback that we see on screen while facing this wall) but hopper doesn’t seem to care. he’s treating her with a lot of impatience, patronising her like she’s a child.
6) she says ‘i feel like i’m losing my mind.’ well guess what, that’s because hopper is treating her like she is. after a moment he says ‘you’re not losing your mind’ and it sounds a little begrudging. thankfully the scene progresses to a more equal, healthy conversation involving the sharing of trauma. thank god.
7) ‘i think you should stick to sales’ after she screws up the numberplate - he doesn’t even give her a chance to explain that it’s a motorcycle, not a car, he just decides that she’s useless. however he does apologise somewhat by later telling her she should work with him instead.
8) the worst line. the worst fucking line in this season. joyce says of murray ‘he’s not eccentric, he’s certifiable’. is it wrong? yes. is it very slightly hypocritical? yes. (but only because others have dismissed her as crazy in the past- not because she is crazy.) but hopper’s response- oh my god. he shuts her down so completely it’s horrifying and i felt physically ill when watching. ‘glass houses’. ‘you know, pot calling the kettle black.’ what the hell? is that meant to be a joke? he basically just called her certifiable and a hypocrite. hopper, the only one who never called her crazy, who never dismissed her like that. he’s suddenly decided he can’t trust her intuition anymore and that she’s just as crazy as they all say. what the fuck
9) it gets a bit better from here. but- in the car on the way back to hawkins, once again he belittles her: ‘we’re on our way to rescue our children from the big bad 4th of july celebration’. jesus christ, hopper, just because you haven’t shown an ounce of concern towards el except when it’s to do with mike-
10) and then joyce imitating him in the last episode. ‘it’s really hard to listen to you when you make everything sound like it’s the end of the goddamn world’. joyce has literally recognised that he doesn’t listen to her, that he’s been diminishing, ignoring, and belittling her - even gaslighting her, using her reputation and history of mental illness as an excuse to just ignore her concerns.
in short, i am horrified. i enjoyed some parts of the jopper storyline but a great deal of it was really quite concerning and his storyline with el was awful. the worst part of the season for me, by far.
and don’t get me started on how they presented the aftermath of his death. (but im gonna go for it anyway lmao)
so we’re given the beautiful, tragic scene of el realising he’s dead, and joyce sobbing into her son’s shoulder. however even this has glaring faults - joyce shouldn’t just look at el breaking down. joyce and el should grieve together, because it is they who love/loved hopper the most. especially since el becomes joyce’s surrogate daughter at the end - there definitely should have been more signs and foreshadowing for that. for god’s sake, duffers, one female friendship isn’t enough.
and then- the very next scene is steve and robin looking for jobs. it’s a goddamn comedy scene, and it’s so jarring it hurt. seriously, it diminished the emotional impact ridiculously, almost bathetic. and then joyce gets- what. ten seconds? of grieving? and even when she’s having her moment of mourning el comes in, takes the speech, and suddenly the whole scene is all about her, again. now i’m not diminishing her pain but when all season long it’s been joyce & hopper, the lack of emotional impact is frankly disappointing.
hopper was a great character at the start of the show, and even had his great moments this season. but he was reduced to this caricature - angry, overprotective dad, snarky love interest whose sarcasm was often downright cruel. i am so disappointed in the way they presented him, because they could have done so well - fixed the mistakes they made in s2 and made him even better.
tl;dr: hopper is borderline nasty to both el and joyce in this season and thus is vastly out of character. do better, duffers.
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cassiopeiassky · 5 years
Text
Fly
I’m sad.  I wrote a thing.  Don’t read it if you don’t want the sads.
This idea first came to me about a year ago, right after I found out about @viollettes losing her battle with cancer.  I didn’t get the courage to actually write it until losing my mom in law last month, and now another friend from high school.  It’s a songfic - the song is Fly by Jars of Clay.  I’d link the video but I don’t have the energy to deal with Tumblr being a twat.
This is for JinAh, Maggie, and Mande.  Fly high, loves.  You live on forever in the hearts of those that had the luck to know and love you.
Bucky x reader
Word count: 1283
Warnings: character death, talk of cancer and dying.  Brief mention of thoughts of self harm.
Lyrics are italicized.
 Be still, let your hand melt into mine
The part of me that breathes when you breathe is losing time
I can’t find the words to say I’ll never say goodbye
The room is quiet save for the uneven breaths she struggles to take; there’s no more unending beeps or shrill alarms, no more whoosh and pulling velcro from the blood pressure cuff.  There’s no need for these things anymore.  The nurses come in periodically to give her a bit of morphine under the tongue, just to be sure she’s comfortable - and to check on him - but mostly they leave him alone.
They’re grieving, too.
She’s been in this hospice room for five weeks, and she’s already lived two weeks longer than expected.  It didn’t take long for her to make her mark. Bucky already knows how easy it is to love her; the nurses found it out the hard way. He supposes it’s an occupational hazard.
He gently traces the contours of her face one more time as he holds her close.  He moves his fingertips over her eyelids, remembering how they opened for the last time early yesterday morning.  Despite her exhaustion, despite the poison flowing through her body, he could still see her love for him in them.  Even cancer couldn’t steal that.
Bucky smiles.
Her lips, now dry and chapped, managed a smile and a mouthed “I love you” before her eyes slid closed.  Her voice left a few days earlier, but Bucky knows what she meant.  He suspected but didn’t know then that it would be the last time.  
He presses a kiss to her forehead and remembers.  He remembers when they first met, how he was so self assured as he sauntered over to her as she stood by the pool.  He was so utterly taken by her in the sight of that sundress that he completely lost his cool and gave her an absolutely terrible pickup line, one that in hindsight was totally inappropriate.  She calmly handed her friend her drink before spartan kicking his cocky ass into the pool.
“Yeah, I had that comin’” he laughed as he surfaced, and she cracked a smile.
“Yeah, you did.”  She hid her smirk behind her lemonade as he pulled himself out of the pool.
“That was awful, can I have a do over?”
He prayed as she tilted her head.  “You sure you want one?”
“Absolutely.”  He was already in love.
Even if Bucky knew then what he knows now, he wouldn’t have changed his answer. Even knowing how it would end, with his heart grinding itself into millions of tiny shards in the semi darkness of a room not their own, he wouldn’t change a thing.
Not a single thing.  Not one tiny moment.  She was the best part of his life.
I saw the host of silent angels waiting in their own
Knowing that all the promises of faith come alive when you see home
Hold still and let your hand melt into mine
 God, he doesn’t want her to go.  He’s even briefly thought about going with her, until she made him promise he wouldn’t do anything stupid.
“Define stupid,” he’d mumbled, trying to hide his desperation.
“You know what I mean,” she’d said sternly before pulling him close and kissing away the tears he couldn’t stop from spilling over.  “The world needs you, Babe.  You’re a good man, and there aren’t enough like you.  You’re needed here.”
“But I need you.”
“I’ll always be with you, Bucky.”  When he didn’t respond, she said, “Don’t you dare get all Twilight on me and do stupid shit so I have to come back and haunt your ass.”  That won a tearful chuckle, so she continued, “I have every intention of taking over as your guardian angel, so take it easy on me, okay?”
That was a while ago, back when they first found out for sure that the cancer was far more aggressive than any existing treatment.  Contemplating the reality of living without her isn’t any easier today than it was then, but a promise is a promise.
Besides, he’s pretty sure she’s gonna be okay, and that’s really what matters to Bucky.  He had a dream the night before last – he doesn’t generally believe in stuff like this, but he’ll hold onto this with every fiber of his being.  He dreamed that he was lying here with her when the door opened, and in walked a steady stream of people: his ma and dad, his siblings, the Howlies.  Peggy, not old and faded but young, bright and vibrant.  There were faces he didn’t know but they resembled Rebecca.  Others that resembled the woman lying in his arms were also there – Bucky recognized one from an old picture as a favorite uncle that was taken all too soon.
“We’ll take care of her, Jamie,” whispers a soothing voice he hasn’t heard in nearly a century.  His ma.
“And no one will be able to stop her from taking care of you,” murmurs another once cherished voice, soft and lilting.  Sarah, Steve’s ma.  “She’s a lot like you in that respect.”  She gazes at Bucky’s beloved, “She’s holding on for you, a leanbh.”
I’ll fly with you through the night so you know I’m not letting go
I’m not letting go
My tears like rain fill up the sky
Oh my love I’m not letting go, I won’t let you go
She fought so hard over the past year.  Fucking cancer.  Bucky had begged and pleaded to take her place – had done everything he could to support her fight.  He watched as it dulled her eyes, sapped her energy, ruined her skin, and confined her to a bed. Cancer took so much from her, but it never managed to steal her kindness, wit, or love.  It only sometimes overcame her stubbornness; Bucky actually believed she’d beat it, despite what the doctors said.  
But now, it’s time.  
“It’s okay to let go, Baby.  I love you so much, and I’ll carry you with me wherever I go.  I promise.  I’m gonna go to all those places we talked about, and eat the local foods you wanted to try.  I, uh, I still have the list in my wallet.  And I’ll see those shows on Broadway, the ones you always talked about.” Bucky tries so hard to keep it together, for her sake, but the idea of doing these things without her is unbearable. He’s still going to do them, though.   “I’m gonna miss you so fucking much, but there’s some good people waiting for you, okay?”  His own choked whispers are broken and unrecognizable, but he knows she understands. She always did.
He doesn’t leave her side.  The breaths become few and far between, but her heart, her strong, steady, beautiful heart, stubbornly continues to beat.
“It’s okay, Baby.  You can let go.  You fought a brave battle, and it’s time for you to rest.  I love you.”  He repeats it over and over and over again until she sighs, and he whispers her name one more time as her body briefly stiffens.  He sobs as her heartbeat finally, grudgingly falters.
He almost can’t believe it.  Or won’t.
She’s gone.
His world is gone and everything hurts but she’s no longer in pain. The thought is a bandaid on a bullet wound, but he supposes it’s something.  He’d much rather it be him that hurts than her.
She’s peaceful now, and even though it’s supposed to be impossible he’ll swear to his last breath that he felt her lips graze his.
Shed your heart and your breath and your pain and fly
Now you’re alive
 Tagging: 
@hellomissmabel @howdoesoneadult  @nykitass @danimuhle @iwillbeinmynest  @shifutheshihtzu @passiononfire​  @learisa​ @widowvinter​  @kaaatniss ​ @ladylizzieofdarbyshire​ @denialanderror  @k-nighttt​ @givemethatgold​ @manders2487 ​ @afangirlrambles​ ​ ​ @polkadottedpillowcase​ @bluebrrn @saysay125​  @aikibriarrose @saharzek @mmauricee @imhereforbvcky  @whenallsaidanddone @supernatural508  @scarlettsoldier  @natalie-nightcourt  @im-beautifully-sewn  @lovemarvelousfics  @feistytravel  @tbetz0341  @nearly-whitches  @jamie-leah  @shliic  @dessinemoiunehistoire  @lucywinchester2000  @solarbarnes  @a-proper-chicken  @movingonto-betterthings @seekingkairos @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety  @buckyywiththegoodhair
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Text
avengers endgame reaction (spoilers!!!)
**if youre on mobile scroll fast bc idk if the keep reading works
holy shit holy shit fuck fuck fuck
i am an emotional wreak right now
ahhhhh it was so good im crying still
tony fucking stark my heart i guess ill start there 
tony stark i love you three thousand. he got his happy ending with morgan and pepper for 5 years they had 5 years together and he knew that the time heist (lol) would jeopardize that and he still went and helped
that scene where he had it out with steve at the beginning fuck my heart was breaking and i was crying .
i cried a lot in this movie. legit sobbing when nat died but ill get to that
that scene was everything i wanted it to be and perfectly executed. of course hes angry and lashing out because they were supposed to do it together and lose together and the emotion behind that ughh rdj killed it
he literally hands steve his heart the arch reactor
tony and howard ugh everything with them together. tony got closure with his dad 
everything tony was great. 
steve 
he got his happy ending. he got his dance with peggy (now im crying again) fuck. and he PICK UP MJOLNIR omg that scene was amazing and everything i never dreamed could happen when the hammer started moving ughhhh omg i was cheering so loud in the theatre and i dont normally do that. that whole scene ugh theres so much to react to
and he got to say assemble. 
ok now from the beginning. 
i started to cry literally before it even started. the screen was black and i was already tearing up but when clint and his daughter came up and then his family disappeared i was full on crying.
carol coming in clutch and saving tony and nebula yessss
steve and tony’s conversation right when he gets off the ship was everything i wanted it to be. (crying again) everything. 
when they go to thanos’s house thing and thor chops off his arm . its what ive been saying they shouldve done on titan 
and then he went for the head! 
five....... 
years later
fuck them. literally when the ‘five’ came up i was like no no no dont you dare do it dont you dare and then they did it. fuck them
five fucking years?!?! they made them live through 5 years of that trauma?!?!? 
nat was everything in this film. she became the leader and keeping track of everything and her moment of breaking down was just so human. she couldnt move on in those 5 years and it just shows how much the avengers had become her family. 
scott and cassie omg cassie all grown up made me so emotional 
tony and morgan i love you three thousand she is the cutest and sweetest thing 
tony fucking stark figured out time travel. he did that. 
when tony gives steve his shield back my heart could not take it
the scenes where they were trying to pinpoint the exact time to go back and it was like a sleepover sesh and all the domestic avenger fanfics 
going back a little bit
clint killing all the people that should have been killed and deserved to be killed and being a total badass showing up all those people who said he was just really good with an arrow and every scene he has with nat.
‘dont give me hope’
thor. oh where to start. he really did lose everything and he was blaming himself for all that happened so i get where hes coming from. every time you could see him remembering and tormenting himself about what happened broke me. his scene with his mother (crying again)
also hulk/bruce was an interesting choice (not a huge fan of it but ok) 
the time traveling
everything about the new york scenes were amazing. the aftermath of the end of the avengers, loki turning into cap for a second, seeing rumlow and sitwell come out, steve getting into the elevator and channeling that winter soldier energy (i was slapping my sister on the arm so hard at this part) hail hydra and outsmarting them all. cap fighting cap “i can do this all day” lmao i was dying ‘bucky is alive” again dying they really nailed it with this. i was worried beforehand because like it would change how we would see the og avengers but i still think it works
also can talk about how tony (and scott) was checking out steves ass????
“i forgot how that suit did nothing for you ass” (be still my heart) “i like to think of it at america’s ass” (or whatever the line was) 
loki getting away with the tesseract (is that in this timeline im confused about that hopefully someone will explain bc does that mean loki is alive in this timeline or not? lol)
them going back to the 1970s (do you trust me? i do) and tony meeting howard and introducing himself as howard potts. again i know i talked about howard and tony already but i loved their scenes. and JARVIS FROM AGENT CARTER MAKING AN APPEARANCE OMG
PEGGYYYYYYY (crying) when steve walked into her office (grabbed my sister again) and when he was watching her through the window and you could feel his pain. 
thor and rocket are the pairing that i never imagined but amazing none the less. i loved that we got the return of mjolnir here even though idk what that does to the timeline (again who knows at this point) 
rhodey and nebula again another pairing i didnt expect but are great together. everything about nebula in this film. she really has a great arch. i was stressing out so hard when the alternate timeline thanos found out that they came from the past. the scene where peter quill is dancing and singing to no music was great.
clint and natasha. this pairing thie duo the og. fuck my heart. when they started going off to vormir i knew. i knew it and i cannot handle it. the whole scene where they are fighting each other to sacrifice themself i was SOBBING. LEGIT SOBBING. ‘let me go’ i loved this so much and also hated it. she deserved her happy ending too. after everything she gave up everything to save those people. her arch is so good too. im excited for her origin. i kinda want to see her when shes a bad guy and killing everyone and her journey to shield. i hope thats what we’ll see in her movie. 
but also that scene emotionally fucked me up hard. 
the og avengers (minus nat) sitting on the edge of the lake 
thor trying to put on the glove and redeem himself (in his own eyes not my own bc he doesnt deserve the shit he gets for not going for the head)
hulk doing it and the calm before the storm where everything goes back before that missile comes firing down. 
steve tony and thor facing off with thanos. everything about this scene. tony getting a juice-up from thor and lightning to max out his powers. steve jump kicking on thanos’s ass. thanos beating up thor and steve coming in with FUCKING MJOLNIR AGAIN CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW MUCH I WAS CHEERING AT THIS POINT HE IS WORTHY MY BOY STEVE IS WORTHY
also on that note tony coming up to steve and saying “theres my man” or something and giving him back his shield again. 
steve standing there with his broken shield ready to face off with thanos’s army and sam coming in on the comm. and then EVERYONE COMING THRU AND KICKING NAMES AND TAKING ASS
legit cheering and crying so much 
valkyrie with her pegasus
shuri with her blasters 
peter parker and his reunion with tony was heartbreaking. tony looked so broken and complete at the same time. he got him back. 
PEPPER FREAKING POTTS 
AVENGERS ASSEMBLE (YEESSSSSSSS)
peter quill’s semi-reunion with gamora and how she doesnt know him but he gets her back
also gamora, nebula and still-evil!nebula was a great scene. nebula killing her past self is some symbolic shit right there AND to protect her sister who she hated
CAROL FUCKING DANVERS COMING TO SAVE THE DAY AND KICK THANOS’S ASS 
im sad that she wasn’t in the film as much but i get why they did it and it also makes me really excited for her future films
but carol getting the gauntlet and peter saying “i dont know how youre gonna get through that” 
and ALL THE BADASS MCU WOMEN COMING UP BEHIND HER READY TO FIGHT AND REPRESENT FOR THE FEMALES (CRYING) 
this is something that couldn’t of been done a few years ago because there weren’t a lot of female superheroes in this universe and just the fact that this scene can make such an impression and become probably one of the most badass scenes of the mcu is one of the best things that came out of this movie.
side note: ‘activate instant kill’ great callback 
and then we get to the sacrifice.
i knew it. i expected it. i read it in fanfics.
i was still not prepared. 
‘I am inevitable’
‘I AM IRON MAN’
FUCKKKKKKKK they really know how to write these movies. 
he knew he would die. he knew he would never see morgan again. but he knew what he had to do. 
his character arch from a selfish man to a selfless man has been the most profound and powerful story. 
rdj and tony stark have really carried this franchise. they were the start. and it makes sense that his death closes out this era of the mcu. 
to rdj: i will never forgive my mom for telling me that she didn’t like you way back when. that really influenced how i thought about you and about tony stark for years. and i limited me from really appreciating and loving iron man and those movies and tony’s character. but as i continued to watch more of you in the mcu and in real life and have seen how you have grown and who you are today, i have so much love and respect for you and your character. im just so upset at the time i lost where i could have fallen even more in love with you. thank you so much for everything you have done over the last 11 years for this franchise. thank you for the time thank you for the memories and the laughs. the journey has been amazing. 
the funeral scene with ‘proof that tony stark has a heart’ 
(also was the the kid from iron man 3 in the back?)
VALKYRIE BECOMING KING (queen? i say king but who knows) of new asgard. look at my killing baby all grown up and being the leader they need.
thor becoming a guardian basically. 
also was quill looking for his gamora? where was the gamora from this timeline on the ship? she wasn’t there in the scene so idk
also fighting with knives to see whos in charge lol
im glad people mentioned/mourned for nat too 
steve rogers 
steve.
i knew he wasn’t coming back.
bucky knew it too.
im wreaked
but at least he got his happy ending. he got his peggy (again idk what that does to her timeline) 
captain sam wilson america in the house.
(old steve looks like joe biden or is it just me lol)
they ended it with a steggy dance and kiss
it really was a perfect end to his story and it wrapped up his character really well. he got that life he deserved 
to chris evans: as this is probably the last time we will see you as captain america let me thank you too for the years and joy that you have brought to my life. youre it for me. you are the reason i became so invested in this world. when you jumped on the fake grenade i was in it with you. chris you are and will always be the best chris in my heart. your passion for this character and understanding of steve rogers and his motivations have created such a memorable performance. steve rogers will always be the og. he will always have my heart. i am so thankful that you took this opportunity and used it and made this character your own. you live up to the standards that steve holds for himself and i am so excited for your future. i am also so glad that you didn’t die in this movie bc i definitely could not have handled it if i had to watch both my favs die. i love you three thousand.
i literally cried throughout the whole movie. there were laughs, cheers, groans, stress, tears, and love throughout this film. i am so grateful that i am alive during this time in cinematic history. there will never be something as great or momentous as this film. a true culmination of 22 films. its never been done and i doubt itll ever be done again
i am also so impressed and amazed by how well this film turned out. it is just amazing how everything fell into place 
im sure ill read other people’s reactions and they will bring up points or problematic things that will taint my view on this movie but i dont want that to ruin my own experience
and for me, this was truly emotionally draining and fulfilling. the feeling of being in that theatre with all those people who love the characters as much as i do and experiencing this film for the first time is something i will never forget. 
people talk about how they remember lining up for star wars.
well i remember sobbing my eyes out when nat died, cheering along with everyone when cap picked up mjolnir and whipped thanos’s ass with it and when carol and the rest of the badass women of the mcu ready to kick ass, crying with everyone as the light went out in tony’s chest and eyes, watching as history was made in front of our eyes.
and the end credits with the og avengers getting recognition with their photos and autographs. 
i love this franchise and these films and these characters i dont know who i would be without them. 
one last thing
thank you to the og avengers. steve tony thor nat clint bruce. chris robert chris scarlett jeremy mark. you will always have a special place in my heart. you were there at the start. you were the reason this all could happen you were the reason i became so invested in these movies. you brought these characters to life and embodied them. you are all so much like your characters the casting is perfect. thank you for your dedication to your work to you fans and to your characters. it means so much that you all stuck through this together and that you are such great friends in real life and i can only hope that one day i can be so lucky as to meet you all and thank you in person. 
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crewhonk · 6 years
Text
Out Loud
Tumblr media
Warnings: angst, swearing
Summary: Reader reflects on her relationship with her boyfriend Billy Hargrove after he leaves Hawkins after graduating.
Words: 3,509
AN: hi, yeah im sorry for this.
Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader
You tried to swallow the lump in your throat for the third time this hour and coughed over the feeling of It choking you. It was hard to breathe since Billy had left— and his absence in the small town of Hawkins, Indiana was suffocating for you. You looked out the kitchen window for the first time since he had left and the forest surrounding your house seemed slightly more dull and lifeless. There were no deer in your yard, and the grass had begun to brown under the relentless exposure to the hot July sun. You stared at the closed fridge and your stomach turned at the thought of food so you turned away and leaned against the breakfast bar, letting out a dry sob and slamming your fist weakly against the tile.
You had graduated with your boyfriend Billy Hargrove earlier this week, and one day later he had left with no warning. No signs. Nothing. You had been mad for two days before the crippling sadness hit you like a brick and you had been trying to swallow the lump in your throat since.
There was a knock at your door and it echoed throughout your empty house and it took a few seconds to register in your mind that someone was at your front door. There was a second, harder knock that made you look up from the ant crawling on the tile in front of you. You walked to the door and breathed in deeply before opening the door and shielding your eyes against the sun. The air was warm and fresh and it was something you had deprived yourself of for the entire week.
“Hey.” You heard a quiet voice pipe up from the other side of the threshold. You looked down to see Max in front of you, a sympathetic smile on her face and bags under her eyes. Steve and the rest of The Party were in his car in the driveway, and you lifted a hand in some sort of weak welcoming gesture. You had never been worse for wear until now, and there was some part of your that wanted to apologize about your appearance.
“Hey, Kid. How are you?” You asked, wrapping your arms around yourself and leaning weakly against the doorframe.
“I’m alright. Mom hasn’t stopped crying and Neil is a ticking time bomb. I told Steve about him, so he’s been really good about keeping me out of the house. I’m just worried about mom, honestly. How are you? I mean, that’s a dumb question.”
You felt the corner of your mouth lift against your will and you shook your head. “No, it’s okay. I’m better than I was earlier in the week— now I’m just sad.”
“So you’re not punching holes in your closet door anymore?” She jested, trying her hardest to lighten your mood.
“I put a frame around it, so now it’s a new art installation. People are lining around the block to check it out.” You played along and finally took notice of the box she had in her hands. You pointed your chin towards it and furrowed your brows. “What’s all that?”
“Oh, um—“ She began and shifted from one foot to another. “I managed to sneak into Billy’s room before Neil got in there and threw everything out. He wants the room to be his office now. Anyways, it’s just a box of clothes that you liked and some pictures that he left behind. Figured that you’d want it more than a dumpster.”
You blinked rapidly down at the box when she offered it to you. This was all Billy had left you and wherever he was he would have no idea you had some of his stuff to do with what you will. You tucked your unbrushed hair behind your ear and took it from her grasp. She almost immediately began walking back towards the car.
 “I’ll see you later?” She asked. You only nodded and offered her a pathetic smile before you closed the door and put the box on the table in front of your television. You sat in front of it for a while, your elbows resting on your knees and your mouth pressed into your fists. This was all Billy had decided to leave you and there was some sort of bittersweet energy flowing from it.
Taking such a big breath that you could feel your lungs stretch, you shifted forward and began organizing what Max had given you. There were three band shirts that still smelled like him, you had stolen them to wear them after nights spent together. You’d tuck the front of the shirt int he front of your jeans and the fabric was always loose around your body no matter what your body shape was.
It was the first warm day of the year, sometime in March, when Billy shook you awake. He had stayed the night, as both of your parents were working the night at the station and you had slept together for the first time last night. The window was open, and when you opened your eyes, Billy was looking back at you (butt naked) with a half finished cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. You buried your face back into the pillow, and you felt the mattress shift before you felt him begin to trace featherlight patterns on your bare back. His hands brushed over your skin from the nape of your neck to the rise of your butt and back up your spine once more.
“Good morning,” He grumbled, his morning voice not allowing him to have much expression behind it.
“G’morning” Your voice was muffled by the pillow underneath you.
“It’s time to get up, Princess.” You only groaned in response, burying yourself impossibly deeper into the bed. He patted your butt lightly and bent over to kiss you, extinguishing the cig on your bedside table. “I’ll be waiting in the car with a coffee and toast. You got ten minutes, Baby.” He had left the room soon after.
You rolled over and stared at the ceiling for a few seconds, remembering last night and kicking your legs in unadulterated excitement. He had done it. With you. And it was absolutely wonderful.
It only took you three minutes to get ready, as you didn’t want to put too much effort into your looks today. The energy you had felt had been left in the sheets last night, and the thing that had taken its place was a lusty soreness. A soreness that was welcome, but soreness all the same. You closed the front door behind you, kissing Lucy goodbye and locking the door. You rushed down the driveway to where Billy was parked on the side of the road and you opened the door, taking the toast and coffee he had given you after you buckled yourself up.
“What’re you wearing?” He asked. He pulled out into the road and he was guiding the steering wheel with a barely-there grip. You looked down at yourself and smirked at the black cuffed jeans and the Metallica band shirt he had left on your floor. It smelled like him, and it was something that motivated you to even get out of bed this morning. You had a denim jacket covering you because while it was the warmest day this year so far, it wasn’t actually warm.
“I figured after last night, it would be alright for me to wear your dirty laundry.” You took a sip from your travel mug.
“You’re gonna be the death of me, you know that right?”
“Why’s that?”
“Because when my clothes are on you all I wanna do it take them off.”
You laughed loudly and he smiled back at you, wiggling his eyebrows happily at you. “You’re insatiable, Hargrove.”
“Only for you, Baby Girl.” He hummed, resting his hand on your upper thigh. Yeah, you’d be wearing his clothes more often.
There were a few of his favourite books underneath the shirts which had his shitty writing crammed into the margins that kept the record of symbolism and his thoughts. There were some blurbs he had written at the end of the book that had smudged ink— from tears, you assumed. The facade he kept up at school was never who he actually was— the first time you had seen him cry over a book was the first time you had told him you loved him. He refused to talk to you for three whole days until you finally cornered him at the end of the day.
“What the fuck is your problem, William.” You whisper-yelled as you pushed him against his locker. You shot his posse a dirty look until they left you to deal with your idiot of a boyfriend.
“I don’t know what you're talking about, Y/L/N.”
“Oh? Last name basis again? Real mature. And you know exactly what I’m talking about. You can’t ghost me! You’re my boyfriend, and I’m your girlfriend and we are no longer individuals. We’re a unit, you idiot!” You growled, punching his shoulder lightly. He looked down at you and he rolled his eyes. He was nervous now, and you noticed this by the way he traced his fingers together, writing his name or your name or whatever was on his mind.
“I was supposed to be first.” He mumbled, kicking the toe of his combat boots against your chucks. You squinted at him in confusion, encouraging him to elaborate. “Like, the dude is supposed to say it first, you know? The girls not supposed to do it first— especially when the dud is crying.” He mumbled and stared at his feet.
You let out a loud laugh and stepped closer to him. He looked at you in surprise and he opened his mouth to argue before you cut him off by peppering his face with kisses. He laughed and tried to push you away half-heartedly.
“Hey! I’m serious!” He laughed. You pulled yourself closer to him by the collar of his leather jacket.
“You’re an idiot, William Alexander Hargrove and I love you with my whole heart.”
“I love you, more Baby Girl.”
There was a small smile when you had placed the book down beside you on the couch. You continued digging through the box and you pulled out a small photo album specifically made for Polaroids. Only one or two people other than yourself andMax knew that Billy loved film. He loved film almost more than you and the first time Billy realized Jonathan existed it was because they had run into another in the photography development room. That’s how you had met him, honestly. Jonathan and Billy had become close during their sessions in the Red Room (billy though the Red Room sounded ‘real cool, babe’), and one day Billy had shown up to the Byers household an hour early to pick up Max just so that they could compare films.
Steve, Nancy, Jonathan and yourself were circled around the small kitchen table drinking beers slowly and playing round after round of crazy eights. The kids were somewhere in the woods in the back of the house, and there was a constant stream between walkie-talkies just to be safe. The kids were acting out a campaign of Dungeons and dragons somewhere near Castle Byers, and the Byers family dog was with them for good measure (Lucas also had his Wrist Rocket). Steve had gotten up from his spot to get beers for the group when the bell rang three times, one time, and twice. You excused yourself to get the door, as Nancy and Jonathan were both significantly inebriated. You opened the squeaky door to find none other than Billy Hargrove staring back at you.
“Um, Guys?” You shouted behind you, voice quivering in fear. You had been there when Billy had lost it on Steve and Lucas, and he would have lost it on you if Max hadn’t stabbed him in the neck with the sedative. The rest of the group rounded the corner and Steve were immediately pushing you behind him protectively. Nancy was immediately searching for the baseball bat that was hidden around the corner and Billy had raised his hands in submission. The only one who wasn’t about to lose their shit was Jonathan.
The stepped forward, and took Billy’s hand in his own and shook it. He pulled Billy into the house, offered him a beer (he shyly accepted) and the two sat down with their films and spoke like they had been best friends since they were born.
To say the three of you were confused would have been an aggressive understatement. The definitions of opposites attract were sitting in front of you and Steve had rubbed his eyes to try to wake himself up from the nightmare he was living.
“What the fuck is going on?” He whispered.
“I don’t know.” You and Nancy had answered simultaneously.
It took three more beers for Steve to even sit with Billy in the same room, but once he had, the whole group seemed to relax. You had been passing around photographs and polaroids and complimenting both of the boys on their keen eye for beautiful details. Your breath catches, however, when you had been handed one of Billy’s photos. It wasn’t a creepy picture, it was quite adorable, actually. It was a picture of your Great Dane, Lucy. Her paws were on the white fence that surrounded your house and she had her dopey grin on her face. Her ears were facing Billy in a joyful curiosity and her tail had just become a blur in the background.
“Billy, would you mind if I kept this one?” You asked. His gaze shot towards yours and he squinted at the picture in your hands. He shrugged when he saw it, and smirked.
“You a dog person?”
“This is my dog, Lucy.” You laughed, looking back down at it and brushing your thumb over her happy expression.
“She was a cute model. I gave her a chance of my sandwich for that one. I walk by your house every day, and every day she’s there.” He remarked happily.
“So you’re the reason why she’s gained a few pounds this year?” You kicked his thigh playfully and he shoved your foot away from him. An hour went by quickly, and The Party crashed through the back door loudly, stomping and shouting gleefully at each other. The commotion stopped, however, when they saw who the older grow was ‘breaking bread’ with. Lucas was the first one to break the silence, stepping in front of Max and the rest of his friends. Mike had pulled both Will and Jane behind him, and Dustin looked at Steve asking for answers with his shocked expression.
“What the fuck is going on?” Lucas glared. He had his Wrist Rocket in his hand and it was spinning in his hand ominously.
“Lucas, language.” Steve bit back.
“No! What is he doing here?! He attacked me! He almost killed you!” He raised his voice and ignored when it cracked nervously.
“Yeah, he did. But we’re being adults now.” Nancy piped up from her spot snuggled into Jonathan’s side. You and Billy looked at each other, and you made a move to stand up. You put the picture into your bag and grabbed your keys. Billy stood, understanding that he was no longer welcome and jerked his head for Max to get into the car. She obeyed, hugging Lucas and Jane before running out of the house and to the iconic Blue Camaro. You motioned for Mike, Jane, and Nancy to get ready to go and waited for them outside on the porch as they said their goodbyes. Soon, you were greeted by Billy who offered you a cigarette and lit it for you when you accepted. You hadn’t said anything to each other, and when you opened your mouth to thank him for the picture, everybody poured from the front door.
When you were about to get into your car, you were stopped by Billy calling your name.
“Did you know that dog owners tend to look like their dogs?”
“Excuse you?”
“You have a cute dog, Y/L/N”
You were nearing the end of the box, only a few CD’s and mixtures left when a small object caught your eye. Your heart dropped into your stomach as you reached down to the bottom of it, your fingers wrapping around a tiny, velvet box. You were shaking now, tears spilling from your eyes and trailing down your face. You didn’t wipe them away, however, because your body was entirely frozen in your place. Lucy had heard your broken sob when you opened it and had come rushing to your side, nudging your arm until you had wrapped your arm around her neck. 
A diamond ring. He had bought you a diamond ring before he left. There was a note inside, reading the words; ‘After Graduation?”. It was after graduation, now and you were finding out he was going to propose by rooting through a box he had left behind.
The dickhead.
You threw the box across the room, knocking over a glass and sending it shattering on the ground. You began dry heaving through your sadness and grief, crawling across the room to the mess and picking the ring out of the box that lay among the broken glass.
You slid it on your left ring finger and sobbed.
Billy Hargrove was found dead in his home the day after he graduated. He had gotten into a fight with his dad and had been knocked one too many times in the head, developing a concussion. He fell asleep later that night, not knowing his condition and died in his sleep due to a brain bleed Neil Hargrove had given him. You were the first one Max told later that day, and you had punched your closet wall— angry at God for taking away the one thing that was good in your life. Steve came over that night, tears unshed but welling up the entire day. Since Billy had come over that night, the two boys had reached a truce and they had become the yin to each other's yang— brothers on and off the basketball court. He told her that Max hadn’t slept since he had died, not being able to drown out the screams of Susan, and the sound of flesh hitting flesh, and muffled groans followed by doors slamming and cars skidding out of the driveway. Jonathan had stopped taking pictures as well, according to the boy who was laying on your floor next to you. He felt as if all of the pretty things had left when his best friend died, and had been emotionally stumped since, yelling at Nancy that ‘no, he didn’t need to see a therapist!’. You let out a bitter sob when Steve had told you that the Harrington and Hopper families were paying for the expenses of the funeral as the Hargrove family (it was just Neil now, you guessed) wanted no financial loss. You took a large sip of the Russian Vodka Nancy had given you last year and didn’t stop drinking in the days leading to the funeral
The life had been taken out of Hawkins, Indiana the day Billy Hargrove died.
You stood at the front of the church now, looking over at the rows and rows of empty pews and your heart sank at the tiny audience that had attended his funeral. The audience consisted of the Hoppers, the Byers kids, the rest of the Party, Nancy and the Hargrove-Mayfields. You wanted to storm into the school where you had attended and you wanted to shake everyone who said they were his friend. If they were his friends, they would have shown up.
“Billy Hargrove was my One Great Love. His future was saturated with happiness, and with hope, and with a family of his own. He would have been the first to have a flying car, he always said, because he would have been the one to invent it. He was a smart man, he was a kind man,” you said, your voice quaking with anger, and sadness, and confusion. “He was one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, and the day he died, life left earth. His life was ended too soon, and whoever took his life away from him, deserves the harshest judgment thrust unto them.” Your eyes locked with those of Neil’s. “The person who did this deserves not to die, but deserves to live with the guilt of taking my soulmate from me, and depriving the world of the magic that was Billy Hargrove.”
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vennilavee · 6 years
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📂
there’s a gas leak that leads to a huge explosion at the hospital you work at… ft a worried buckbuck
TSB masterlistTSB Extras: Drabbles/Headcanons/Music
sorry,  im a huge grey’s anatomy fan lmao. i live for medical dramas and disasters on said dramas
- it’s a relatively normal day. the sun is out, it’s a little chilly but that’s to be expected. You have a 7am-7pm shift in the ER today and you’re looking forward to it
- you even manage to find time to do your make up a little bit before work. just mascara, concealer and a little bronzer. for some warmth on your face. you pack mira’s lunch for daycare and leave a little post it on the fridge: ‘bye  babies, stay warm and I will see you soon’ with a little heart next to your name
- bucky’s already up while you’re grabbing your own lunch and chomping on a banana. he’s rubbed the sleep out of his face but his voice is still groggy- ‘morning, darling’ he mumbles in your ear before kissing your hair
- seeing you in your official, navy blue scrubs with your name embroidered on the left side definitely gets him hot and bothered. you look so sexy and authoritative in your scrubs. you had caught him staring at you the first few times when he had seen you in scrubs (you had just gone back to work at the hospital from the clinic). he would blush adorably every time you caught him and you coyly said ‘oh, mr. barnes I didn’t know you were into that’
-  ‘hey, gimme a proper kiss’- you coax him and end up making out with him by the kitchen island for a few minutes. you pull away and look at your phone, yelping when you realize you’re running late
- you’re already out of the door when you say goodbye to him and tell him you’ll text him
- bucky likes staying at home while you work. he knows that it’s not exactly “traditional”, but he thinks it should be. you were a badass, working and taking care of mira when he wasn’t around. he thinks maybe you have some sort of super soldier serum
- he usually reads when you’re at work. goes grocery shopping. hangs out at the compound. works out. walks around the city with Mira. sometimes he picks her up early from daycare just because he misses her so much
- you insist on daycare because you want her to interact with kids her age, but all bucky wants to do is spend all his time with her. learning about everything he had missed when he was gone. what things excited her, what things she didn’t like, what made her blue eyes that were so alike to his own blue eyes spark up 
- bucky thinks nothing of it when you stop answering his texts. after all, you’ve stopped answering his texts abruptly before when you’ve been at work. he goes to the tower after steve and sam text him to hang out with some pizza and beers. he has missed them, too
-it’s always the days you never expect. the days that start out perfectly normal, as usual. nothing about this day led you to believe that anything would remotely go wrong. but of course, the universe is tempted. one of the many oxygen tanks in the oxygen supply area had blown up, setting off a chain reaction. and of course it was one of the oxygen tank supply areas in the ER
- nobody in the waiting area had been injured. but some of your residents were knocked off their feet, and slammed into walls. your main concern were the patients in your ER. as the attending, you have a responsibility to them and to your staff
- there is smoke everywhere, flames are licking along the walls of the ER and your hands begin to tremble. but this is no time for indecisiveness or unsureness. your patients are starting to become hysterical and you and the remaining nurses, residents, technicians, physical/occupational/speech therapists all look at you. you take a deep breath, adjust your glasses and start redirecting traffic
- you call 911, which feels somewhat ironic to you. you’re starting to sweat and the bright orange and red of flames is starting to surround you. you benignly think to yourself that the fire looks quite pretty before tearing your eyes away. you call the necessary hospital staff members, screeching at them that your fuckin’ ER is on fire and if they don’t find another hospital to redirect your patients to in the next two minutes, you’ll set them on fire as well
- you instruct your staff to get as many patients out as they can with whatever monitors they need. you do your best to calm your patients, telling them that they’re going to be redirected to another hospital
- you manage to get every single person out and far away. ambulances have arrived and are currently escorting patients out. the fire trucks are yet to come
- but one of your patients stops you frantically. she’s hysterically crying- she can’t find her son, and her son is terrified of fire. and you remember her son- he had been playing with his toys in her patient room 
- your heart sinks, blood pounding in your ears and it only takes you a second to sprint back into your ER, on a mission to find the missing boy
- the guys are absent-mindedly watching tv, flipping through channels. suddenly a ‘breaking news’ announcement interrupts whatever they’re watching and bucky’s lungs certainly fail him because your hospital, your ER is on fuckin’ fire
- steve is shaking him, already springing into action but bucky can’t move. his lungs feel like they’re filled of ash and his legs won’t work. sam snaps at him and bucky looks at him
- ‘stop it. don’t think the worst, barnes. let’s go, let’s go find her.’ steve says he’ll go get mira from daycare, and bucky and sam rush off to the hospital. bucky’s legs are restless and sam is quiet. anxiety is radiating off of bucky
- bucky’s mind is going a million miles a minute. he can’t- how could your ER be on fire? he tries his best not to think the worst- that you’re dead-charred-in ashes, buried under the hospital. he really tries, but he can’t- he can’t stop. he can’t stop thinking about potentially living without you, about mira not having a mother. he doesn’t realize that he’s shaking, that tears are coming out of his eyes
- he is so scared.
- the ER is completely engulfed in flames by this point. the ceiling is starting to come down and you have to be mindful. you scream for the boy, scream his name and suddenly you hear him screaming back
- he’s stuck. he’s pinned to the wall by one of the med carts, a code cart and an x-ray machine at the back of the er. there is no time for this, and yet you don’t even think about sprinting towards him
- the boy looks horrified. hell, you would be too, if you werent so pumped full of adrenaline. the boy is hysterically sobbing and you try, you really try to reassure him- ‘hey, come on, it’s okay, i’ve got you. we’re- we’re going to get out of here- and you’ll be okay. i’m gonna get you out, alright?” he calms down a little at your soothing voice and you finally, finally manage to pull all the machinery off of him. he runs into your arms and you take his hand- “listen to me, we have to be fast okay, can you be fast for me, kiddo? your mama is waiting for you, alright?”
- he nods at you and squeeze his hand. you tell him to run in front of you- if anyone’s getting stuck it’s not him. you take a breath- 5 seconds of courage- and make a run for it. you’re almost successful too. he’s right there, right at the exit…
- and you’re right here. the ceiling has collapsed completely in front of you. you can’t get through. you could laugh, really, because this was obviously going to happen right?
- the boy looks at you, panicking
‘get outta here, kid. your mom’s waiting- she’s waiting for you. just tell-tell the firefighters when they come…”
- you’re starting to feel dizzy and have to shake your head to center yourself. the kid’s gone already and you think this is how you might possibly die.
- you hadn’t even told bucky you loved him. you hadn’t told mira you loved her.
- sam and bucky split up, searching for you and helping where they can. but neither of them can find you and bucky’s panic is rising. bucky sees the boy run out of the ER, soot on his clothes and he’s heaving for air. the boy seems to recognize bucky because he’s running up to him, arms flailing
“mr. winter soldier sir, there’s a doctor in there- she came back for me- she’s stuck in there-”
- and bucky already knows it’s you. he doesn’t even answer the kid before he’s sprinting into the ER after you
- the fire and flames surrounding the ER remind him of when him and steve encountered the red skull all those decades ago. his mind is sharp, precise, looking only for you. assessing any possible direction you could be in. despite his panic, he is sure in his movements
- then, he sees you, on the ground, coughing up a storm. your eyes are squeezed shut, trying to crawl your way out. you must be dead right? that’s the only explanation for how in the hell bucky is standing in front of you, scooping you in his arms
 - you don’t even have a moment to process what’s happening. all you can do is grip his shirt as he carries you out. youre on the verge of passing out. you cough heavily once the fresh air enters your lungs. bucky sits you down on one of the stretchers once one of the EMTs makes their way over to the two of you
- bucky’s hands are cupping your face. you feel delirious- he’s talking to you, his pretty lips moving but it’s taking you a few moments to recognize what he’s saying. there is soot all over your scrubs, your arms and your face and you’re still coughing. he wants to cry, he really does
- because he thought he lost you, for a split second. for a split second, his entire world darkened, and he can’t bare it. and you have the audacity to grin up at him
- he doesnt even have words for you. only tears. he squeezes you tightly to him, hands touching you to make sure that you are real
- and then you promptly pass out. the EMT’s shoo bucky away and he feels a little less numb. because he’ll always be there to save you
- you wake up in a hospital bed. you’ve forgotten how much it sucks being a patient. a scratchy groan escapes you and you feel a weight next to you. you look to your left- it’s bucky, fast asleep with his head on the bed next to you
“buck,” you scratch at his scalp lightly, “baby. bucky. baby, wake up.”
He jolts awake, eyes red and settling on you
- “c’mere, get into bed with me, baby,” you offer him and move over. he looks like he wants to cry and he scrambles in next to you, tucking you into his side gingerly
“You okay, baby?” you ask. you know how scared he gets when it comes to you. your hands circle his arm
- “I thought- I thought…” bucky looks you in the eye, “I thought I was gonna find you dead. i thought you were dead. I-I- thought-” he buries his head into your neck, arm wrapping around your waist tightly.
“I know baby. I know,” You coo, “Mira’s with Steve?” bucky nods into your neck.
“There was a boy in the er- he was stuck… the firefighters weren’t there yet. i just- i know it was reckless but… I had to.” you tell him softly.
“I know, princess. The kid found me, that’s how I knew you were in there. I just knew.”
“Guess we should both apply to be firefighters, huh?” you try getting him to crack a smile but his face is stony.
“Don’t joke. You scared the shit out of me- I thought you were dead- I thought- I-what was I gonna tell Mira?” His eyes are glassy and wet and your own smile falls off your face. 
“oh, sweetheart, come here. i love you,” you murmur- you can feel his tears against your neck, “I love you so much. you’re always saving me, you know that?”
bucky wants to say that no, it’s you who saved him, but you continue to murmur to him how much you love him and he feels his heart begin to slow.
sorry for all the grammar errors lol this is super rough
Send “📂“ for a random yet completely useless headcanon I have
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dorkcresswxll · 6 years
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i went...... hard y’all this is so extra and embarrassing but i spent like,, over an hour writing this down so ur all gonna see it u better.
Why did you choose to play the character that you do at Crimson Revolt?
im gonna be honest like………………………………. i picked dirk bc i wanted to play ezra miller lmao. I KNOW HOW SHALLOW THAT IS DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT OKAY I CAN EXPLAIN!!!!!!!! alright so before i apped for crt the first time i was at…… a pretty low place confidence-wise bc i’d just left the first rpg i ever joined (also the first rp thing i ever did) and it was a pretty,,,, messy departure lmaoo i gotta admit i could’ve handled that better orz. BUT ANYWAY so i went looking through the ezra miller fc tag bc i’d just discovered this fabulous person and had vague ideas about a character that could fit the fc (dramatic, cheeky, a lil flamboyant) and was also thinking “i will never fall in love with a character the way i did my previous ones again” and more dramatic bullshit along those line bc like i said,,, bad time. obviously i didn’t find any active rpgs that had him in use so i checked crt bc i’d seen it around before and liked the look of it, so i sent the main an ask like “do you see ezra miller working for any of your open characters?” the admin at the time pointed me to barty crouch, peter pettigrew and dirk cresswell.
i just want to take a moment to digest that i could literally have played any of these three, cause all i had at the time was a vague idea of a character and a fc to match. i remember i spent days trying to decide between barty and dirk cause neither skeleton fit my vision perfectly and they both seemed aimed more towards an angry jock-type character (especially dirk his fc was miles teller which…. should give u a good idea of what the admin at the time had in mind for him) ( i mean the first skeleton. the one on the main now is one i rewrote after the main crashed back in june.) (just to clarify: the original skeleton had just as much potential to evolve to a complex and intriguing character as any other skeleton here at crt. i just had my vaguely dramatic ezra miller bby and i wanted it. lmao.) but i liked challenging set characterizations and bringing unique perspectives to contrast against any expectations the admin/s might have about a character. which is why i tend to go for skeleton rps, you get more freedom with those. eventually i decided on dirk bc i liked the sound of aversio and grey moralities appeal to me greatly. i spent a long time delving into the character’s backstory and personality and all those deep-seated insecurities and compelling contradictions that make dirk up to be the person he is now. by the time i submitted the app i was thoroughly in love with the character and haven’t stopped since. he’s my most developed and my most beloved character to play thus far.
Do you have a favorite holiday?
NOPE. as long as im surrounded by people i love and a lot of snacks im good.
Do you prefer coffee or tea? Perhaps neither, or both?
coffee. coffee coffee coffee.
What is your personality type?
INFP-T. the mediator. 86% introverted lmaooo.
What is your Hogwarts House?
ahhh. when i first read the books a few years ago i was like ‘iM A SLYTHERIN DONT TOUCH ME!!!!!’ but i…………literally have the subtlety of a bulldozing stampede of rhinos im sure y’all noticed. i took the pottermore test and had the glaring red n gold show up on my face and i shut the laptop down so fast like liES I BELIEVE NONE OF THIS. then i took a fan-made test that put me in ravenclaw and i was like…………….. ok i accept this compromise i can work with that. lmao im such a gryffindor tho don’t look at me im just *flops* pottermore was right….. i accept my place now i have stopped running from the truth orz.
What is your Zodiac Sign?
Taurus.
Three most recently watched on Netflix?
SURPRISE! i don’t have netflix. most recent stuff i watched tho are Stranger Things 2, IT (2017) and…. i can’t remember orz. but im obsessed with stranger things taLK TO ME ABOUT STEVE HARRINGTON PLS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH *SOBS*
Describe your ride-or-die friend.
don’t call me out like this…………………………………. i don’t make friends in real life people are difficult and i am awkward orz.
If you could have any superpower, what would you choose?
the ability to focus whenever i want at whatever i want for however long i want and actually manage to be productive with my time. what do u mean this is not a superpower i need it to be one.
Are you an early bird or a night owl?
i have no sleep schedule to speak of. sometimes i sleep at five am and wake up at eight am to get to my classes, then have a six hour nap when i get home and stay up until four am again. sometimes i go to bed on eight pm and wake up at four in the morning and still sleep through my classes, take a small four hour nap when im home and spend obligatory time with the fam for a couple hours lmao. it’s like im just sleeping or waking up either way im always a step removed from a zombie. there is. no reason for any of this i just do it.
What is your favorite color?
YELLOW. it’s so bright and sunny and iouwodc. i love it.
What is the last book you read? What is your favorite?
ahhhh i can’t remember my memory is failing me. which is sad cause i used to pick up a new novel every other day but i just can’t be bothered anymore ugh. i think my favorite was the whole PJO & HoO series’ – i haven’t read the last book yet tho, so i’ll start rereading all ten books when i get the chance.
Where would you rather be right now?
on a bed. sleeping. alone. with a lot of blankets. solitude appeals to me on such a deep level guys u don’t even know.
Have you ever watched the sunrise?
the ones i remember are three – once when i was a kid with my mom, bc i wouldn’t go to sleep and it was approaching sunrise and i rambled about wanting to see the sun come up so my mom was like………………… ‘*throws hands up* ok u lil monster u win’ and took me to the roof to watch the sunrise lol. it was glorious. and cold. bc winter. the second time was with my cousins who were sleeping over (for the first time in a loooong tiiiimmmeeee) and we decided to spend the night up on the roof bc why not. the last time was with my brother i think he was up there fixing something or the other and i was just there….. to be annoying lmao.
Do you listen to music when you write? If yes, what kind of music?
oh no i can’t. i need everything and everyone to be quiet or i can’t write a thing.
What’s the one thing you especially love about roleplaying your muse/s?
what do i love about playing dirk…… his impulsive and his bright attitude and his endless optimism. he has such an uplifting presence and a cheeky sort of charm that makes it impossible for people not to love him, that makes his worming into other people’s hearts so entirely predictable and entertaining to play out. he is a myriad of contradictions – the difference between what he thinks everyone deserves and what he thinks he deserves is appalling, and with time it becomes clear that when he says things like “everyone needs someone to lean on” or “everyone could use some support” he is not referring to himself as a part of this ‘everyone’, if even on a subconscious level, does not find himself worthy of such kindness. he is a character so full of love he is spilling and overflowing with it, his raw emotions and his turbulent nature one of the dearest parts of him to me. the thin line he walks between being kind and violent, loyal and unforgiving, genuine and secretive. all the little details that make him up are reason for me to love him as dearly as i do.
What’s your favorite type of weather?
cold, but not too cold, y’know? just enough to wear a jacket but not so much you spend the night under five covers and a thermometer lmaoo.
What’s your best RP experience?
crt. no contest. and im not just saying that cause i’ve been in a bunch of rpgs by now and they all either a) lack dedicated admins/members b) are cliquey and non-inclusive at all or b) fall into inactivity a meager month or two after opening. crt is one of a kind.
Who inspires you?
this is actually a tough question cause i never really stop to think about it?? i draw inspiration from everything around me and it’s kinda like…. im constantly absorbing stuff from the environment im in and it’s like i’m always half-thinking about writing at any given moment, if that makes sense?? dunno.
Spread some love: mention someone you’ve met that has influenced you or your writing in a positive way and explain how!
ahhh okay so. before i tried roleplaying i stumbled upon this rpg in the fandom tag over a year ago and it’s basically been the catalyst for my time in the rpc. i was looking through the character’s blogs and found someone playing peter and i was like……….. not fond of peter at the time tbh but this person’s writing was so fucking incredible i checked their blog daily, just to see how this thread or that thread would go. their take on a character i’d only held distaste for before was so compelling and complex i was drawn in all the way, i’d even come to love the character so much and was constantly disarmed by the smallest to the biggest details in that person’s characterization – at least the details i could pick up on, some i’m sure went way over my head at the time. some details i still remember vividly and they’ve helped me shape my first character and have influenced my writing thereafter. i learned a lot about the duality of a character’s mind and how to express inner conflict by observing that person’s writing. (yes i sent them a nerdy af message gushing about all that bc they hadda know man…. they hadda know.)
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tonysrhodeys · 5 years
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AVENGERS ENDGAME THOUGHTS
AVENGERS ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!
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Having watched it twice, I can finally write down all of my thoughts. This will be long.
I was already done when I watched the opening credits. They’re beautiful.
I loved Tony and Nebula’s relationship. He’s honestly the father she never had. I’m always happy to see irondad so I was in a good mood for one second there. She let him eat. Character development and you can see the impact that he has had on her.
CAROL DANVERS SAVED TONY STARK AND I LOVE HER EVEN MORE
Steve shaved his beard because his husband was coming back home
Steve ran towards to Tony as soon as he landed. My stevetony heart was already satisfied. He just caught him. And they connected for a moment there. There’s just so much love in Steve’s eyes. They were beautiful.
Tony going off on all them (except Carol because he loves her) and they LET him! They know that they were wrong and they should have listened to him. Honestly Steve was in so much pain but he let it happen. It just showed that all they both needed was to be together. I loved that reference. Followed by Tony giving Steve the arc reactor. The entire scene was just powerful and tense. They were both in so much pain and needed to hug.
“I went for the head” yes honey! Well done!
MORGAN STARK “I’m saved” how beautiful? I just can’t with this cuteness.
Steve saying thank you. He’s actually adorable.
I just want to say thank you to Thor. It was amazing to see him with PTSD because it was shocking. He’s a god. But he lost so much I totally understood. I think people handled it terribly by turning him into a joke when it so much more than that. I just really wish that he and Tony could have had a talk. They could actually help each other. Nobody takes it seriously. They’re precious.
I have no words on Bruce.
I feel like I was the only one who didn’t hate Ronin? I mean a handful of them have all done some pretty terrible things but they’re still there. Clint was definitely harder, but he was still there. I mean I liked this kind of dark persona thing. Maybe it’s just me and my messed up taste.
“Shit”
Thank you Morgan Stark for this wonderful new way to say I love you. I love you 3000. It’s actual beauty.
THE E TRON RETURNS
The new shield! I mean my amazement in Tony will never end. Is this what was referred to in Homecoming? I mean I hope so. He’s always working on things for the team. He’s just so caring and no matter the situation he is just looking out for them. How can you devote your life to him? He is perfect.
STEVE AND TONY FORGIVENESS Steve just looked so in love with Tony the entire movie. Just stevetony at its best. They are just so adorable. It always looked like Steve wanted to say something. It’s just perfect. My ship.
“And not die trying” (not exact quote but you get it)
Also, Scott. So many Scott’s. And just a general appreaction for Scott and the rat that saved the universe. Scott eating a sandwich. Scott losing his taco and getting a new one from Bruce. Scott was just a gem okay.
A mini section of tinkering which is something I loved in the IM movies.
Ratchet.
WHATEVER IT TAKES
2012 AVENGERS okay but nostalgia hit me like a damn truck. I loved this movie so much and it was my favourite for ages because it had these amazing characters coming together to fight an amazing character. I honestly adored this movie. Seeing it was just too much. THE ICONIC ORIGINAL SIX AVENGERS CIRCLE. I wanted them to recreate it but this also worked so freaking well!
Hulk smash. Or not.
“America’s ass”
General appreciation of his ass. Tony has been checking Steve out since 2012. Steve checking himself out. This entire thing was just wonderful. I was dying. Stevetony flirting was on point.
STEVE! “Hail hydra” like yes! You don’t even need to fight because you’re just so smart! I was so proud. THAT SMIRK. He’s grown so much.
2012!Steve vs 2023!Steve. Steve is literally so done with himself and I loved it! “You’ve got to be shitting me” “I can do this all day” “yeah I know” the iconic steve line made 3000 times better. Steve is done with himself and that was just wow. I adored this! Then 2023!Steve was losing (which I don’t get because he should have become a better fighter and 2012!Steve handed him his ass) and he just used Bucky! I mean! He literally doesn’t care about this Steve at all. I am here for it. I love this. This entire scene was golden. Steve was golden.
STEVE AND TONY HAVING A MOMENT AND SCOTT THIRD WHEELING. I mean my stevetony heart was bursting. They couldn’t heart Scott because they were too busy staring into each other’s eyes. I loved the way they strategised together. Steve wasn’t even mad that Tony and Scott messes up. He’s just full with so much love. “Do you trust me” “I do”
2012!Loki STEALING MY HEART AGAIN. I was the only person just clapping my boy. I missed him so much! I loved this version of him. He was craftier. He was still just so adorable. I mean transforming into cap again. Rolling his eyes. Being the only one to see the case slide. USING HIS HEAD AND GETTING HIMSELF OUTTA THERE! I love this! I love him!
Also Thor was a sweetheart
Stephen Strange is the the best of them. I agree.
Can someone please explain to me how it was actually possible that Rocket and Bruce were the only ones to not mess up? What?
NAT! I still cried. She was the first MCU female superhero and she has been there ever since. She’s strong and powerful and the the original. I always knew it was going to be her because obviously she would beat Clint in the fight. But that scene was so difficult to watch. The way she is so prepared to die for her family. She took her last stand and I will never not be grateful and proud. She’s really come so far!
The funeral brought even more tears. It was a wonderful albeit short tribute to her. She’s the mom of the group, always picking up after her boys. I’m going to miss her so much. This legacy of women in the mcu is thanks to her. THEY WERE HER FAMILY. Thor refusing to acknowledge her death because he literally couldn’t take anymore. All of this.
Back to 1970. Steve and Tony against the world with their one (1) shared brain cell. I mean “Howard” and “Captain Stevens” SHIELD is lucky not to have them. I am glad that Tony got what he deserved, an honest conversation with his father. He just deserves the entire world.
“That’s my man” that’s my ship.
THE MCU GOLDEN TRIO GOING TO SHOW THANOS. I loved this team up. They’re just the three most powerful people I’ve ever met. I was so here for that hot second where they all fought together. It was just the three of them but my heart is with all of them.
Since when does a blow knock Tony out for that long? I was worried.
Why couldn’t Thor summon Mjolnir?
Instead Steve had to come out of hiding
BECAUSE STEVE IS FUCKING WORTHY. oh my! I was literally squealing in my seat. It was definitely one of the top moments of the entire movie. He just caught it and I could not believe it (I could, I mean of course) Thor is such a fake, as if he was not peeing his pants when Mjolnir moved a smidge in AOU. BUT OH MY GOD I LOVED STEVE SO DAMN MUCH. JUST IMMENSE PRIDE. He was just fighting THANOS on his own and he was doing so well! I was so proud. Just throwing them back and forth. Power.
And then he tightened his shield and got ready to fight that entire army and I was just like honey no. I know you’re worthy. I know you’re pretty freaking strong. But honey, you cannot take them all on. Please leave. I refuse to see you die like this. Steve I love you.
“On your left”
STEPHEN CREATING A THOUSAND PORTALS I LOVE HIM
“Avengers...assemble”
“Lexy...die” (basically)
THIS ENTIRE FIGHT SCENE MADE MY ENTIRE LIFE there was so much power and awesome in that one scene. I could not contain my excitement.
THE HUG. It was nice nice indeed
“Clint” T’Challa did care
Pepper and Tony. Tony and Strange.
ALL THE WOMEN PROTECTING QUEENS BECAUSE HE IS THEIR SON.
Carol and peter!
ALL THE WOMEN VS THE WORLD! There was so much power and strength in that moment. It was amazing to see so many female superheroes band together like that. The only thing was that Nat was missing. She deserved to be there since she was there at the start and this was basically her line. It was pretty much a tribute to her and I could manage that.
I ALMOST FORGOT WANDA TERRIFYING THANOS SO MUCH THAT HE HAD TO ORDER THEM TO FIRE I mean he pissed off the wrong woman
Also Stephen holding back all that water.
THE FINAL SCENE OF THE GOLDEN TRIO
STEPHENS BLOODY FINGER
“I...AM...IRON MAN”
And in that moment I died. I jumped straight into my grave. It was the most iconic line of the entire MCU. Just hearing him say it brought me to tears. It was the most powerful moment of the entire movie. It was all leading up that. It started with him and it ended with him. He defeated his demons and it was fucking amazing for that second. That second was just pure pride. I was just thankful.
But then came the sobs. I mean I’ve already said my piece but this is just extra because I really could go on forever. I cannot even begin to explain the literal grief I feel. I mean I’m still crying. He literally my life, my anchor, my entire world. I love him so much. It completely ended and rocked my universe to see this. It was poetic and obviously predictable but still! I mean I feel like a part of him was prepared to make that sacrifice. After the delicacy which was putting it on the dauntless the first time, are you telling me that his suit was not prepared to do this super fancy swap of stones? He was prepared. It’s just him. Tony is the person to give up his life for everyone else and it is why I love him so much. He’s got the biggest heart. He was always going to sacrifice himself to save everybody. It’s just in his blood. It’s in him. It’s what makes him him. I felt intense grief and hopeless but also immense pride. He is a true hero.
He was surrounded by the people he loved the most. Rhodey, Pepper, Morgan, Steve and Thor. It was the most intense scene. There was so much pain and anguish. He couldn’t even say a proper goodbye. His guilty smile. He had nothing to be guilt for. He singlehandedly saves the universe. He was the reason everybody was alive. He can rest. It was honestly such an important line because he would never rest unless he knew that everybody was safe. Unless he knew that people would no longer need him to save them. He needed to know that he was leaving a better world. It just made me so mad. He deserved so much better. He finally found happiness. But he couldn’t rest. I mean I’m not okay but I will be. He’s okay. He can finally rest after all of those years of pain and suffering. He can just take the good parts. He’s okay.
His speech at the end. It was to them and to us. I know. The same people who were with him during his death + Happy. The funeral itself just made me sob even harder than I was.
I LOVE YOU 3000
PROOF THAT TONY STARK HAS A HEART
Please kill me now
Everybody was there. Rhodey, Pepper, Morgan, Happy, Peter And Steve at the front. They loved him the most. God, it just broke my heart. I mean HARLEY KEENER. Thank you for coming! Nick! Must have been so hard for him to. I mean imagine what a wreck Nat would have been. She’s looked after him forever. But hey, at least they’re together now. But she’d be so mad! He was supposed to be happy.
Asguardians of the galaxy vol 3 please.
The speech. PART OF THE JOURNEY IS THE END. I mean it was RDJ’s goodbye to the MCU. He’s been here since the beginning. This era began and ended with him. He started everything and he has carried this franchise ever since. He was always there. He always stole the show. He always had my heart. He always made me happy. I literally cannot imagine more movies without him. What is the MCU without him? I mean, none of us really have any idea. He is the MCU. He is Iron Man. I’m just so grateful to have been born in a world with RDJ as Tony Stark. He will always be the best. I will always love him until the end of the time. He is my entire world.
THE END CREDITS! As if I was not crying enough. The entire movie was just a tribute to the original six and just a thank you for all the work they put in to get us here. They were the centre of the MCU and they needed a proper send off. And this was it. This movie had everything I could have ever wanted. Stevetony, avengers assemble, irondad, i am iron man, I can do this all day but 3000 times better, subtle ironstrange (friendship at the very least), cap being worthy, Loki, every character making an appearance. I honestly loved this movie. And I loved that it was for the original six. They were the main focus and I loved it. It was always about them. I am forever grateful for their hard work. Seeing RDJ at the end just made it worse.
The CLANKING OF THE ARMOUR starting and ending with him I actually can’t breathe
Just thank you MCU, Original Six Avengers, Iron Man.
I love them all 3000
(Apologies for the millions of typos that are all there)
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