#steve like swearing internally when dustin talks eddie down

[nancylikesboobies]

eddie: *presses steve against a wall to threaten him with a bottle*

steve:

[erixyin]

A Ghost of You

A/N: Idea entirely stolen by @nervousgardenerkid 's post called 'In the Back of my Mind You Died'. Please read it it's amazing and probably will be better than mine but I just had to have a go with such an amazing prompt. I am gay for Robin so that does seep through here but it's just Platonic in this writing!

Pairing: Eddie x reader TW: Angst, emotional pain, mental heath decline, mention of death, stranger things season 4 spoilers kinda, there will be a happy ending i promise. Swearing. Not edited so will be fixing errors later.

Words: 3602 DO NOT REPOST OR COPY OR PUT SOMEWHERE ELSE. I will be putting it on my AO3 account and will link it at some point. Thank you

================================================

Lies. It had to be. The day you saw everyone's faces when you rushed over to them after the earthquake, your heart sank. You knew it had been a risk. From that afternoon where everyone had been preparing themselves. You knew the risks that were involved but you understood that he couldn't let his friends down.

The memory of everyone coming back after the earth had crumbled beneath Hawkings into The Upside Down, it was a blur visually. But you could remember the feeling of your heart being ripped out of your chest. The feeling of being held by Robin while you trembled and saying, "No it can't be" over and over again. The feeling of your chest heaving, inhaling as much oxygen as you could. Feeling like you were suffocating under the heavy weight of losing someone you loved. Steve holding Dustin, both of them looking away from you. Nancy staring at the floor with an expression blurred by tears and tiredness.

And then the feeling of emptiness. Numbness swept over your entire nervous system. Going over mundane tasks like nothing had ever happened. Watering your plants and just living. Or at least that's how you told yourself as the days continued. It began taking more and more effort to even do simple necessities like showering and sleeping. You were a walking corpse. But you told yourself, "Hey at least I'm alive".

The trailer park had been carved into two, your trailer was on one side of the crack while Eddie's had been on the other. Over the following days the community came together to make some sort of bridge over the top of the crack, made out of wood that had been lying around or any scrap material from people's homes. You found yourself often sat on the edge of the crack. Staring down into the unknown of the Upside Down. Staring across at Eddie's trailer, as if he would come out and everything would be fine again. But no such miracle would bless your world. You felt yourself slipping, as you stared for longer and longer at the Upside Down. You could hear the demons in the back of your head whispering, join him! Join him! There's nothing left for you here. You thought about pushing yourself off and the relief of falling. No longer such a heavy weight would be on your chest. No longer would you feel this numb feeling, a painless type of pain, existing across your entire body. Then you were on your back staring at the sky, and being embraced by a soft but firm pair of arms. A cheek resting on your head. Robin. "I'm sorry..." you choked out as you grasped her arms tightly.

That was how it had started. You were under strict restrictions to only stay over with someone of the gang. You would sleep at Robin's for the weekend, Steve's on Thursdays and Fridays, and the rest of the time at Nancy's on a spare mattress. The group agreed that on no account you should sleep alone until you felt ready to do so. A small feeling of joy started to tickle you internally but the overall numbness hadn't gone away yet.

You still occasionally woke up screaming for Eddie, and crying for him to come home. One time it was so bad Nancy had to wake you up because you had been crying for almost half an hour. "Do you wanna... talk abut it?" Nancy asked, sitting next to you on the floor. "I just feel like, this huge burden is on me to live and I..." You realized how it sounded, cutting yourself off, inhaling deeply to calm yourself. "I felt like I lost a part of me that day. And I don't even have anything of his to hold." Looking down at your hands you saw the crescent moons you had carved into your skin during the nightmare with your nails.

You saw a hesitant hand gently place itself on top of yours. There was no firmness, but the sentiment was there. "It'll get better" Nancy said giving you a small smile. You knew she was trying to ease the pain but nothing would ever be the same again. You mustered a smile back and squeezed her hand. "Thanks Nance, I just wish he could come back to me somehow." Letting out a shaky sigh you turned to look at her properly, "I know this is gonna sound silly but sometimes I swear I can hear him practicing his guitar on the days I go back to get stuff from my trailer" Seeing Nancy's concerned wide eyes staring back at you, you gave out a quiet laugh, "I know, I know its so stupid. Maybe I am losing it..." You trailed off looking back at your hands in Nancy's. "Just try to get some sleep" You heard your friend say in a worried tone. Nodding, allowing your thoughts to be removed from your head, you lay back down and listened to the rustling as she got back into her bed. In the back of your head it felt like something was off but you drifted off before you could ponder it any more.

As days turned into weeks, and those weeks turned into months, you finally started to get back to feeling like yourself. There was still a massive hole in your heart, but you had hope that it could heal over time. You started driving to work by yourself, or going to shops by yourself. Allowing yourself to just sit and relax when around no one instead of plugging your ears with music. You'd make trips to the hospital to see Max and talk to her alone. It was only small steps but it finally felt like you could heal. You started heading back to the trailer more, and slowly but surely let yourself stay there until night, and even though you didn't hear the sound of a guitar coming from Eddie's anymore, you did notice the trailer's lights on at night. Assuming it was Wayne, you carried on with your routine. You never saw Wayne go in but since you had continued to be sleeping over at your friends' houses you just assumed that he had been coming and going at the early hours. You had briefly brought it up with the gang, but everyone silenced your doubts by saying that it was probably just Wayne. Hell, his nephew had died he probably didn't want to stay longer than he had to even though it was his home. You didn't think it was odd until you saw Wayne one day while picking the kids up from the somehow still functioning arcade. You smiled at him and gave him a small wave. You two had started to get a long back when you and Eddie had been together. God, that seemed like such a long time ago. You updated him on what was happening with you and asked how he had been, saying it must be hard visiting the trailer after everything. That's when he gave you a confused look. "The trailer? Nah I haven't been there since before the earthquake. Must be a faulty fuse or something." You're chest started hammering with anxiety.Something's not right, something's not right, something's not right it kept saying over and over again until it felt like your head was screaming. Seeing your expression change to one of such panic, Wayne gently gave you a small pat on the back. "It's probably just some neighborhood kids disrespecting my trailer. Maybe I forgot to lock it, the only other person who had keys was..." his voice faltered and he paused. You spotted Dustin and Mike come out of the arcade and were walking strangely briskly towards you, "I'll just go over and check they've not trashed the place up. Don't you worry" He smiled and left you as your company approached. "We gotta go" Mike said to Dustin, quickly before opening the car. "Go where?" You were confused and with this new found discovery, your anxiety was chiseling away at you're mind. Getting into the driver's seat, you tried to steady your mind and focus. "Uhhhh" The boys looked at each other in an expression you could only read as panic, "Steve's! Yes! Steve's!" Dustin answered with Mike nodding vigorously. Realizing that you had seen the panic on their faces, Dustin quickly added, "I forgot the batteries at his house." Offering a completely innocent smile. "Okay". Your mind too frazzled to think too deeply about what was going on, you just focused on driving and getting to Steve's. Maybe they'll know what's going on. You had no doubt in your mind that on a Saturday night everyone would be at Steve's getting ready for "older kids movie night" as Steve like to put it. You had pre-bought the snacks for tonight, they were already in the boot of your car. The picking up the boys had been weird though since usually all be at Steve's and then go to the arcade. Something was up, but maybe talking to the gang first was the best plan of action.

Pulling into Steve's driveway, the kids practically fell out of your car and raced up the already open door. "Henderson?? Wheeler??" He called after the two as they sprinted past him to get inside. Seeing you still sat in the car with the door open, a blank expression on your face, he immediately called for Robin. Turning off the car and placing both your feet as if you were about to get up out of the car, but you were just sat there staring at Steve's drive. Your mind working overtime and none of the answers were making any sense. "Hey look at me, what's wrong?" You saw Robin's face in front of yours. Out of the corner of your vision you could see Nancy whispering something to Steve, while the kids were talking in the background. Your face was opposite to Robin's but with all these questions swirling your mind, you couldn't focus properly. You watched as Robin turned to Steve, probably asking him what happened and you watched as all three of them turned away from you to talk about something. You couldn't hear clearly but you heard the words 'Wayne' and 'Eddie's trailer' and 'shit' tossed around, making the anxiety in your heart feel like it was about to explode. "I spoke to Wayne" you managed out. You looked up to see four faces staring back at you, all with the same degree of fear in their eyes. "He hasn't been back to the trailer park since... everything." You inhaled deeply, awaiting everyone's response. You saw Steve open his mouth as if to say something but Nancy gave him a sharp look. Robin crouched back down to meet you at eye-level. her hand about to hold yours. She could see that your anxiety levels were at their pique. But still, "and you knew that" you exhaled, staring straight at her. You saw her eyes widen and her pupil's dilate, her face pale. In that moment, you knew. Lies. Pushing Robin away so she fell onto the ground. Turning the key and reversing faster, and more recklessly than you had ever done before, your mind set on heading to the trailer park.

Lies.

Everything had been lies.

But why?

Driving very illegally, you slammed your foot on the accelerator. With only one destination in mind. The trailer park. Your car sputtered and roared at the pure aggression emitting from you as you sped down the road. You silently thanked that the Hawkins' Police were busy with everything else rather than giving out speeding tickets. Pulling up to the trailer park, the car screeched to a sharp halt just outside yours. Slamming the car door shut and staring at the very unstable-looking bridge over the cracked earth. Your chest heaved both with the fact that you had driven like an absolute maniac to get here, and with the anxiety attack threatening to bubble over the surface. Clenching your fists until you could feel the pain of your nails raking into your skin, you stepped forward onto the bridge. With shaky steps you made your way over the bridge. Pausing, you heard a car pull up behind you. You gritted your teeth but continued walking. Feeling the bridge creek under every step you made. You heard Robin shouting your name but you powered on, you could feel tears starting to spill out of you but you inhaled sharply to keep them back.

You had to know. You had to know the truth. You felt your foot reach proper ground, as you looked up it was as if it was in slow motion. The trailer door opened and, there he stood. In a band t-shirt and his denim jeans, his usual leather jacket. It was like he wasn't real. "Eddie?"

At the mention of his name, he looked at you. His eyes the same as before, his face the same, this was your Eddie. He had come back from the dead. Lies. "How-?" You started your legs trembling, still holding the flood gates back. Your senses coming back to you. Reality and imagination blurring together. You started laughing. Tears threatening to pour out of your eyes. Your chest heaving in oxygen like your lungs were failing. "How can he be real?" You asked looking behind you at Steve on the bridge and Robin on the other side of the crack. "How can this be real?" You screamed, tears sneaking down your cheeks as you furiously tried to hold on. "Sweetheart, please" you felt Eddie's hand try to cup your face but you shuddered away. Your legs stumbling over themselves so you landed on the edge of the bridge with a small thud. "How long?" breathing deeply, you asked the question. You didn't want to know the answer but you had to ask. "Since the beginning" You heard Eddie say in a defeated tone. The numbness in your heart, that you had spent these past months overcoming, was now returning. Darkness creeping its way back into your heart.

Silence deafened you as you sat there, taking everything in. Your breaths coming out shaky and wheezing slightly. Squeezing your nails into your skin tighter to wake yourself up from this feeling of nothing. But even when your palms felt wet, no pain felt as great as the overwhelming feeling of pain inside your chest. "I... I can't do this right now" You said pushing yourself up. You needed to head back to yours, you needed to be alone. This was all too much. Everything you had been struggling with was a lie, everything your friends had been telling you was a lie. Christ, the sleepovers were a way of making sure you didn't find out about their lies. "Sweetheart-" Eddie tried to steady you but you pushed him away with the strength you had left. "No! You don't get to 'sweetheart' me!" You kept your voice as steady as you could to keep yourself in control. "Do you know how much pain you have caused me these last few months? Do you care?" You were shouting at him now, the flood gates had opened. "And you" You turned to Steve, Robin and Nancy who were now all on the bridge, "You lied to me" your tone faltered and your voice struggling to keep steady. "We were trying to protect you" Steve tried to reason with you.

You scoffed and let out a broken bark of laughter, "Protect me? From what? Trying to not top myself a few days after I thought he was dead? From trying to make sure I didn't fall into a deep depression? From taking away the reason I had to keep living?" You shook your head, your expression turning from sadistic into distraught, "I thought were supposed to be my friends." Your voice dying down into a strained gurgle. The tears now flowing down your face and into your mouth, almost making you choke on your words. You held yourself up,

"It was my idea" Eddie said, behind you. Turning to face him the tears, continued streaming down your face. Seeing him was like seeing a ghost. Like a memory that was distorted. It all felt wrong but you knew that this was real. "I told them to lie to you, I felt guilty that I survived after not running. I should have died in the Upside Down, shit I almost did. I couldn't handle telling you I survived with only to die to the injuries later."

"I wanted to tell you" Nancy spoke up, "that night you were at mine and told me about what you had heard. We all wanted to tell you, but we promised Eddie."

"We wanted to tell you right away once we knew, but the first few days I thought they you were gonna..." Robin trailed off and looked at you. It was like she was looking into your soul. You shivered.

Sniffing snot back into your nose, about to respond but instead you exhaled sharply. "I need to be alone" You managed. The tears stopping but leaving your eyes stained red and your cheeks wet. You began walking off past Eddie's house, still unable to look at him. You tried to wipe the tears on your face but you saw the blood on your hands and slowly crossed your arms to hold and steady yourself.

Eddie knew he couldn't let you walk off on your known, knowing how unstable you were and had been all this time. Mentally kicking himself and feeling survivor's guilt for not telling you the truth and now making you feel like you had no one you could trust. He knew it was going to be hard coming back after what he had told the gang to do. Fuck, not even his uncle knew. He thought you not knowing, deep down, was better. That you could move on from him and live a better life, outside of Hawkins. He didn't say this of course. Coward he thought to himself as he watched you shakily make your way over to the grassy area where you both used to sit and watch the stars.

He looked at the others and then back at you, as he watched you sit close enough to the trailer but far enough away from the crack. Steve got the hint and started moving the others to go back in the car and give you guys some space. Robin took one last look at you as you sat still looking at the horizon, she knew that your friendship was hanging on a thread. But she knew ultimately that you needed Eddie right now and you needed space, so she let you go.

You heard Steve's car start and fade away into the background. Hearing Eddie sit down near you, you refused to look at him and focused on the sun setting below the trees. This had been one hell of a weird day.

"I know you need time to think. And I know what I did was wrong but i tried to protect you from what could have been." Eddie started looking at you to see if you would say anything. When all he was met with was silence, he continued, "If I could change everything I would. I'm such a fucking idiot, I can hear you saying it but I thought in someway that if you heard that I had died you would be relieved. And you could..." He paused and swallowed hard, "move on."

You closed your eyes and breathed deeply but still didn't respond. Your mind was still processing everything and you just needed to think. "I know that I've hurt you and I don't deserve you. The fact that you're letting me sit here and talk to you, is proof of that." He shuffled, "I know there's no changing what I've done and you need time, but if I'm going to stay here with you until you say what you need to say and then maybe... maybe we could try again?"

Your chest shivered and you opened your eyes to watch the sun disappear to below the trees, the orange and the red bleeding across the sky. The wind picking up and drying the wetness of your cheeks and eyes. Blinking quickly to allow the last few tears be dried under the breeze.

As you watched the sun seep into the ground and the red begin fading into purple, you heard as Eddie got up and after a few moments came back with a blanket, a damp cloth and his guitar. He gently cleaned the palms of your hands, noticing how you didn't even flinch once. As the moon crept up into the sky, he placed the blanket over you careful not to touch you, as if you were a porcelain doll on display. He softly took your hands in his and placed them underneath the blanket as the temperature continued to cool. He took a deep breath and started to play the guitar, strumming it gently, not daring to look at you and keeping his promise.

As the stars spread out across the sky and the guitar notes becoming quieter and quieter until you were not sure you could hear them anymore. You breathed deeply making your decision.

Eddie felt as your head rested gently against his shoulder and a small voice, barely a whisper said, "okay". Nothing else was said between the two of you as you both cried silent tears into the night. Eddie knew that the steps to full forgiveness would take a long time, but he still had you. And he refused to almost lose you again.

[rosemaryandarsenic]

New Beginnings (Part 2)

Spoiler warning for season 4! Eddie x reader. Y/N is Joyce’s daughter and is 19 in this. I switch primarily between her and Eddie’s POV. It's been a minute since I’ve written a fic so bare with me haha. Let me know what you think!

Warnings: No explicit spicy content in this part! Hints at graphic violence, hospitals and wounds. Substance abuse and parental abuse. 18+, minors DNI!

Eddie’s POV, beginning in the upside down and progressing through till the hospital.

“Shit! Fuck! Sto-“ Dustin grunted under the weight of my body as Y/N held desperately to my feet trying to push me through the portal. “Please be careful.” She was screaming as I felt myself thud through. I can’t move. I can barely breath. Everything is hot, burning like someone lit my clothes on fire. Blood is in my eyes. I’m fucking dead. Let me die. My brain starts to feel…fuzzy. Let me-

…

My eyes are prying themselves open and all I can see is white light and distant voices. It’s Y/N, one of them. I can hear her calling my name. Gotta listen, gotta answer my name. “EDDIE PLEASE” she’s crying. I’m here. I’m answering my name. “EDDIE!”

…

My head fucking hurts, my arms fucking hurt, my sides burn. Fuck. 

“Eddie? Oh my god he’s awake. Eddie!” Wayne is leaning over and staring at me, and I hear Henderson hollering. “GUYS HES UP.”

I hear Steve, “Dustin stop yelling, dude.”

Footsteps rush in and Y/N is over me, tears falling. “Oh my god, Munson. Oh my god.” I can feel her tears on my face.

…

The drugs make my eyes blurry when I wake up, the first input is sound. I can hear a nurse moving around and pry my eyelids open. Y/N’s sitting in front of me, clutching a cup of coffee like it’s rope in gym class and staring at me. Her eyes get all round and doe like when she’s focused, like she’s opening them wider to take in more information. 

“Rise and shine sunshine, time to do another bandage swap!” The nurse said as she started moving my pillows around. What a buzzkill.

“A moment with m’lady please” I mumbled, reaching out for Y/N . She blushes when I call her that, I internally chuckled. I like watching her squirm sometimes, even in near death circumstances she can be a brat. 

“Hey you, you want me to stay for this round?” Y/N was taking my hand, wiggling her fingers between mine. 

“Nah, you know the deal. Just wanted to see you first.” I blinked a few times, trying to concentrate on her face. “What time is it?” 

“10 pm”, she moved my fingers around, which felt oddly calming. “Jonathan brought me that new Stephen king novel, we can read when you’re done.” 

I smile, best as I can with this shit coursing through my system. “Yeah”

“Yeah” she smiles back. 

I stare at her face, trying to figure out what she’s thinking. There are dark circles under her eyes, darker than before and I feel a pang in my chest. 

“Better go before the peep show, Y/N, I’m charging extra today.”

She lets go of my hand and lingers in the doorway, “like anyone would pay to see your ugly mug, Munson.”

“Don’t be jealous you can’t afford me, baby.”

The nurse takes her time undoing my bandages. Thankfully the drugs do their job, I can barely feel anything except when I move too suddenly or lift my arms. 

“- you need to make sure you’re not disturbing the scabs as much as possible,” the nurse is talking and I’m barely listening, “we’re almost done with the worst of the healing which means someone will get to take a shower soon.” 

I sighed at the thought, a real goddamn shower. The nurse laughed at my expression. “Almost there.”

I’m sick of it, but I appreciate that she at least tries. Since getting dragged through the upside down, everyone babies me. I miss when that kind of thing came from condescending teachers, not my friends. I winced as I pulled my dressing gown back on. The day I can wear normal clothes again, I’m burning this thing. I grab IT off the chair and open the cover. Y/N wanders back in as the nurse leaves, “I swear Stephen King is on crack when he writes this stuff” I looked up at her, “Max would love this shit.”

Her expression clouded, her eyes widening again and looking down at the floor. I let us sit in silence for a minute, before I said something stupid again. 

“Thinkin about something Byers?” I knew she was worried about Max, I was too. 

“Sorry, just max.”

I nodded. “Anything new?”

“No, Erica said she’s been moving around more but she still won’t talk.” She sighed. 

“Just give her time, Y/N. Being in that place, it…”

I trailed off as I recalled the dark skyline from that night. A picture of Y/N, terror stricken as the demobats flung themselves at her is sear into my brain. I shook it off. She’s fine now, get it together.

“It fucks with you, yknow. She’s tougher than she looks.” I was trying to convince myself just as much as her. 

“Hell yea she is. You both are.” I could tell she was trying to sound upbeat, “I’ll make sure Lucas gets the book ASAP. Right now it’s our turn.” I grinned at her and made my way to the large chair on the side of the room. “I wanna read to you tonight,” i grunted a little as I sat, “as much as your voice is music to my ears, I gotta practice for Hellfire.” 

She laughed, “okay, dungeon master, let’s hear it.”

I gave her a look, trying to hide the way her words made me blush. Dungeon Master...huh, why does that turn me on? I shake my head a little to clear my thoughts.

“The terror, which would not end for another twenty-Eight years…” I read intently for about ten minutes before I glanced up, pausing as I saw Y/N’s eyelids flutter shut. She didn’t open them when I stopped, but I wasn’t sure she was asleep. What is she thinking about? A blush is creeping over her cheeks as she smirks a little. I decided to keep reading before I got caught staring again, but my mind wonders, not focusing on the words. 

I heard Y/N shift as I finished the chapter, her eyes fluttering open.

“You want me to keep going?” I asked, shifting from sitting in the same position. She nodded slightly, staring at me in a bit of haze. I scanned her face. 

“Before I do, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, why?” She instantly looked concerned. Shit. 

“I…I just wanted you to know that I’m fine. I like being here but I don’t want you to lose sleep, ykno-“ 

She sat up abruptly, cutting me off with a scowl.

“Do you not want me to keep coming?”

I panicked a little, frowning, and tried not to stutter. “No, I want you here. I just…”

I hesitated. How the hell do I tell her I’m worried about he?. “I don’t want you to miss school. Or being with your mom and will-“

“It’s fine.” She said flatly. “The cabin is already crowded, and I see them during the day.”

“Gareth said he hasn’t seen you in a week.”

She turned a darker pink. Is she angry? 

“My professors approved a late drop, I’m retaking classes in the spring. Also, Gareth  knows I’m usually not near his house. Corroded Coffin can’t even meet right now anyways.”

“Y/N I’m just saying -“

“It’s not your choice.” She snapped.

Oh she’s mad alright. Fuck. I felt irritation bubbling up. 

“Fine.”

“Fine.” She shrugged back. Awkward silence flooded in, as I stared at the floor then adjusted the book in my hands. I don’t know why but I needed her to be okay and instead I was pissing her off. It made my sides throb. Both of us had nearly died and I needed her to be safe. I started to read again, glad she wasn’t leaving. My thoughts wandered as I made my way across the page. It's bad timing, to catch feelings now. More feelings. I tried not to sigh. Leave it to me to fall for my best friend during the end of the fucking world. 

Fuck.