#still can't get over itaewon class

[not7wu]

Chapter Seven: House of Cards

Recap: Dinner with Tae is enlightening, and things are starting to look up! You even get to meet Jin's brother and sister in law, as well as their adorable niece. Counting dinner as a success, you can't wait to be reacquainted with old friends and spend more time with the rest of the boys.

On the ride home, even though it’s late, Tae convinces you to come over.  You mentioned never seeing Itaewon Class which he took personal offense to, since it features his OST and his Seojoon-hyung.  Tae insists that this has to be rectified immediately and what better way than to have a slumber party marathon.  You accept his proposal even though you're pretty sure you're going to pass out within the first half hour anyways.  When you get to their condo, all the boys are still up.  

Hobi rounds the couch to squeeze you in a hug.  “You guys came back so late!”

You snuggle into his hug as Tae baits the boys, singing, “Guess who we saw?”

“Well, where did you go?” Namjoon asks.

“Ossu Seiromushi,” Tae says.  

You feel Hobi stiffen, his limbs wooden around you.  You don’t know what’s wrong with him, but you try to soothe him, squeezing him a bit tighter.  “Hobi-oppa–?”

“Y/N, give them a hint!”  

You reluctantly pull back from the hug and catch a glimpse of Hobi’s face before he retreats to hug Jimin on the couch like some sort of lifeline.  

“Y/N!  Hint!”  Tae demands.  You shove him in playful annoyance as he dances a circle around you.  Closing your eyes, you take a dramatic deep breath to ready your performance, just because you know it’ll make him happy.  

Making sure you have everyone’s attention, you announce, “The most beautiful girl in the world is kaepjjang.”  

You flash everyone a thumbs up.

“You saw the family,” Yoongi guesses, mouth split with a gummy grin.  “How was it?”

“Fun.  Adorable,” you answer, as Tae hugs you from behind.  “I’m gonna have dinner with them on Saturday.”

Hobi purses his lips.  “Don’t we have plans Saturday evening?”

Your forehead creases as you run through your schedule.  “I don’t think so.  Don’t all of you have a GQ magazine shoot?”

“Not all of us,” Hobi says, as everyone looks at each other in confusion.  Hobi tilts his head and a lightbulb must go off because he goes, “Actually, I think I was remembering that Jungkook wants to spend time with you Saturday night, but I think I jumped the gun before he could ask you.” 

You whip your head to Jungkook who freezes mid-chew of an apple when he realizes everyone is staring at him.  

“What?” he asks, nervous and bug eyed.

“You were gonna ask Y/N to hang out with you Saturday,” Hobi reminds him.

Jungkook scrunches his nose.  “But we have that GQ shoot.”

Now, you’re confused.  “Uhhhh, what is happening right now?  Are we caught in a time loop?”

“Kookie, we already talked about the schedule and you said you wanted to hang with Y/N since it looks like you’re free.”  Hobi’s voice is measured, but it sounds like his patience is thin.  “Kookie said he was a little jealous that you had dinner with Tae.”

“Aww, Jungkookie.”  You feel your heart twinge a bit for the softest of the boys.  “I was already planning on asking you to hang out next.”

Jungkook looks between you and Hobi, uncertain.  “Really?”

“Really, really,” you reassure.

He zips towards you in excitement and Tae almost gets gutted by the forgotten apple in Jungkook’s hand in his enthusiasm.  “Oh!  We could go to an arcade!  Or have a picnic!  Ooh!  Or we could go to Lotte World!”

“We can do whatever you want,” you tell him as he clasps you in a tentative hug.  Of all of them, Jungkook has been the most careful with touching you.  With the others, he climbs, wrestles, and clambers all over them just fine, but he’s always so careful with you, making sure he’s in your line of sight before he makes a move, afraid to startle you.  It’s really sweet and you adore him for it.  You smooch a kiss to his head and he feigns disgust even as he blushes.  “I’ll have to text Areum-unnie to reschedule.”

Hobi bobs his head.  “I’ll take care of it, don’t worry.”

“Um, okay.  Well, I’m gonna go do my skincare and then come back in pajamas.”  

“We’re gonna do an Itaewon Class Slumber Party Marathon Extravaganza!” Tae announces.  It takes a moment for that to sink in with the boys, and then everyone starts moving all at once.

Yoongi fights a yawn, “I’m not gonna watch, but I’ll sleep out here with you guys.”

“Do we have enough snacks?”   Jimin runs to scour the kitchen pantry.

Jungkook dashes to his room.  “I’ve got a stash if we don’t!” he shouts.

“I need to go wash up too,” Jin shares out loud, Namjoon following behind him..  

The only ones left in the room are you and Hobi.  

“You said you’re gonna get ready and come back,” Hobi says, probably wondering what you’re still doing here.

He looks normal enough, but something seems off.  You can’t put your finger on it, and you don’t want to guess.  “Are you okay?”

He shoots aegyo finger hearts at you.  “Of course!  I’m excited for a sleepover with all my favorite people!”

Yeah, that enthusiasm seemed forced, but you decide not to call him out on it.  Hobi is a bit of a control freak, so it takes some time for him to process things before he’s ready to talk about them.  He’ll tell you when he’s ready.  

“I can’t promise I won’t pass out early,” you admit with a yawn.  “I have lunch with Jieun and a friend tomorrow and I don’t want to be fantasizing about naps when I’m with them.  I’ll be right back, Hobi-oppa.”

As you head to your apartment, you realize that spending time with the boys has become part of your nightly routine.  Everything has been smooth sailing so far, and you think this might be a good time to tell them about your recovering memories like how you met Jin and your school days with Tae.  You’re practically giddy because it finally feels like there’s progress.  You change into your pajamas and wonder if you should bring a sleeping pad, but when you go to text Hobi or Jimin, you can’t find your phone.  You must have left it at their condo.  Oh well. 

You decide to take an extra pillow anyway and practically skip back.  However, as you approach their door, your excitement dampens. You don’t know how the atmosphere could have changed so quickly in your absence, but the tension and distress emanating from the closed door is practically corporeal, a heated argument bleeding through.  You hover in place, debating if you should go in and mediate or if you should head back to your apartment to give them space when you are startled to hear your name. 

“Y/N was never supposed meet her,” Hoseok spits.  

“Y/N needs her.  She needs more than us.  Who are we to get in the way of that?”  Tae argues.

“We all agreed!  Y/N agreed!  She shouldn’t be near her because she can’t be trusted.”  

Who can’t be trusted?  Jieun?  Areum?  Who else do you know?  Hye?  Daeyon?  Is it you who can’t be trusted?

Jimin tries to reel things back.  “Hobi-hyung.  It’s been long enough and she seems better.  I think she can handle it.”  

“All of you are being selfish.  She needs more time.  Jin-hyung, back me up.”

Silence.  

“Really, hyung?  She’s relying on you.  Can you really be this weak?”

“Hoseok,” Yoongi growls.  “That was uncalled for.”

“Jin-hyung, you know you can’t have anything to do with Y/N.  She’ll be devastated.  You have too much baggage.  And Jieun-noona already admitted to telling her about Rule Five.  But it doesn’t change the fact that you can’t be with her.”

“I’m not trying to be with her.  I’m trying to be there for her.”

This distinction is both a balm and a cut to your heart.  You’ve been presented with a window to look in, but a boundary has been drawn that you can’t step over.  The potential for something more with Jin is pulled out from under you before you could start.  Was there really nothing else between you two?  Were all your flashbacks just a delusion, or something your brain created to fill in the gaps?  Your stomach plummets at the idea that you used a sexual fantasy to confirm a nonexistent connection between you and Jin.  It makes you feel dirty like, maybe you used him, or he used you.  

Hoseok laughs, but it sounds hollow and mean.  “Sure.  You don’t think I see the way things are going with you two?”

“Frankly, it’s none of your business.”

“Like I said.  Selfish.”

“Hoseok,” Namjoon cuts in, voice even.  “We all want what’s best for her, but–and pardon my french–you’re kind of being an asshole.”

“And all of you are crazy.  Things are moving too fast.  If she gets spooked, she’ll make a run for it.  We need to keep an eye on her.  She should stay home.  She shouldn’t be working.  And most of all, she shouldn’t be spending time with Jin-hyung’s family.”

“They’re part of this family too,” Yoongi states firmly.  “And they’re a part of this debacle.”

“Regardless, we agreed she can’t know the truth about any of this.  How many times are we going to keep doing this?  She’s already getting too close and she won’t be able to handle it.  I’m gonna call Bang PD-nim tomorrow about having her take leave from work.  I already took care of Areum-noona.”

“Wait,” Jimin says.  “Is that why you threw Jungkook at her?  So she couldn’t spend time with them?”

You hear Jungkook whimper in distress.  

Jin seethes.  “What did you do?”

“I told Areum-noona that Y/N isn’t feeling up to spending time with them.  And I deleted her and Seokjung-hyung from Y/N’s phone.”

“How did you get her phone?” Tae asks in disbelief.  

“She left it here.”

You are reeling as your trust shatters, frozen in place.  Your brain screams.  You need to run, but your body won’t move.

“I think we’re all losing sight of the goal.  You especially, Hoseok-hyung,” Jimin bites out.

“No.  I’ve never been more sure.  This is how we heal.”

Tae is so angry he sounds like he’s on the verge of frustrated tears.  “But we already are healing.  We had a moment.”

“Yeah?  And how do you know our powers of suggestion and her trauma didn’t manufacture that moment?”  Hobi’s words suck the air from your lungs, spilling the exact doubt that haunts you.  You will your numb limbs to move.  

“What are you trying to do?  Seriously?  What’s the point?” Jin shouts.

“Hyung!  Please stop fighting.  Please,” Jungkook cries.  His sobs are muffled as someone comforts him.

You’re already moving towards the elevator, Namjoon’s voice fading the further you go.  “Okay, guys.  We need to calm down.  Y/N is gonna be here any minute and we need to pull it together–”

—

You’re curled up in bed when someone comes to check up on you later.  You tried to will yourself to sleep, but your brain is running a mile a minute, their words playing on repeat in your head, mocking you.  Someone approaches your bed, so you close your eyes and lay very still, pretending to sleep.  Your hair is brushed back and they slowly rub your back.  

“Y/N?  Are you asleep?”  

It’s Jin.  You struggle to remain still, to not lean into the comforting circles he’s rubbing into your back, but you can’t trust this feeling.  You can’t trust anyone.  You can’t give anymore pieces of you when you barely have enough for yourself.  You wish you could pull Jin in and have him hold you like he did the first night.  You had thought he was your best friend, but now that you think about it, he never said so.  It was simply the conclusion you had drawn.  So, you don’t open your eyes.  You don’t say a word.  You focus on keeping your breathing slow and steady.  

Jin doesn’t leave.  He continues rubbing your back and you reluctantly let it lull you into true sleep.  As you drift off, you think you hear him say, “I’m sorry.”

—

“Hey.  Are you okay?”  

You shake yourself out of your fog.  You had been staring at your monitor, unseeing, for the past…half hour it seems.  It takes you a moment to figure out what’s going on.  

Jihoon is standing over you, concern written all over his face.  You sober instantly.  

Right. You are supposed to have lunch with Jihoon today.  

“Yeah, I’m okay.  Sorry.  I guess I’m just distracted.”

“Oh, well, we don’t have to get lunch if you’re busy.”

“No!  No, I’m not busy.  Let’s go.”  You refuse to let all the bullshit get in the way of you doing good for someone who is struggling.  Sure, you’re not having the best time yourself, but doing nice things for someone else makes you feel like you have some control.

Besides, there’s something about Jihoon that resonates with you.  He reminds you of yourself, shy and skittish.  His hesitant concern is something new, though.  It’s nice.  You’re touched that he’d come out of his shell for you.  With a determined smile you escort him out of the department.  “Jieun-unnie has a meeting she can’t get out of, so it’s just you and me.  I hope that’s okay.”  

The truth is, you didn’t want Jieun to have lunch with you.  You made up an excuse, saying you didn’t want to intimidate Jihoon with too many people.  You wanted to have lunch with him alone so he’d be comfortable.  She readily accepted your excuse, which made you feel a little guilty.  You wanted to turn to your unnie for comfort and advice, but she was too closely involved with your fears and doubts.  And she had admitted to Hoseok that she let you in on Rule Five.  You could no longer trust that she wouldn’t relay everything you tell her to the members.

You can’t tell what Jihoon is looking for as he glances around the office, uncomfortably.  “Yeah, that’s fine, Y/N-ssi.”

You stand and flash him your best smile.  “Let’s go out.  I heard there’s this place within walking distance that does a mean sundubu jjigae.”

You knew leaving the office would be a good idea because Jihoon relaxes as you make your way out of the building.  You don’t know what about Hybe stresses Jihoon out, but he really doesn’t like to be noticed here.  A little selfishly, you’re also trying to avoid Bang PD-nim.  Hoseok must have talked to him already because you saw Bang PD-nim headed your way this morning.  In a panic, you immediately picked up your phone and moved up a work call so you could look busy.  You murmured an apology with a promise to meet up with him when you had the time.  

You don’t want to be held hostage in that condo with BTS.  You don’t want to lose this bit of freedom you have.  Something is going on and you’ll never figure it out if they never let you out again.  The members keep talking about some plan and a truth, some big secret they’re hiding.  You’re not supposed to hang out with Jieun or Areum.  Hobi doesn’t want you working.  Whatever you have with Jin will never come to fruition.  You so want to at least believe in Tae, in the members who seemed to speak up for you, but they weren’t exactly forthcoming.  And all the trust that’s been built so far has cascaded down like a house of cards.  

The commute to work this morning was agony for you as you smiled and laughed and teased like there was nothing wrong.

None of this makes sense to you.  Wild theories have been pinballing in your head.  If they’re lying, why would you be here with BTS?  Did they do something to you?  Was the sasaeng attack even real?  Are they holding you hostage and gaslighting the hell out of you so you don’t sue them?  

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?”

That’s right.  Jihoon.  Just focus on this moment.  Have a breakdown later.

You’re sat at a table in a quiet corner and you’re once again the focus of his concern.  “You said they have good sundubu jjigae so I ordered two for us since you seem distracted.”

You loosen the hold you have on your blouse and stretch your fingers, folding your hands on the table.  “Thank you.  Sorry.  I’m just–I don’t know.  There’s a lot going on right now, but I do want to be here,” you say.  This isn’t how you wanted lunch to go.  You’re fucking it all up.

Jihoon looks at your hands and then searches your face.  “Do you wanna talk about it?  I’m not trying to pry,” he hurriedly assures, “but if it’s bothering you so much, maybe you need to tell someone.  I’m not sure I can help, but I can listen, if you want.”

In this setting, away from everything, Jihoon looks more confident.  You realize he’s taller than you thought.  His posture is more self-assured.  It’s a good look on him even if it pains you that the roles have seemed to reverse.  Instead of helping him, he’s trying to help you.  

Would telling him everything be bad?  This whole thing is one big conspiracy theory and you don’t know who you can trust anymore.  You don’t even know if you can even trust yourself, but maybe you can have this.  A friend away from it all.  

“I, uh, I don’t know how I got to Korea, or why I’m here.”  Jihoon’s eyes widen a fraction.  Okay, so you just said that out loud.  You wait for him to bail, to react in some way, but he doesn’t say anything.  He waits for you to continue.

Slightly encouraged, you elaborate.  “I, uh, woke up here like two weeks ago?  And I have no memory of how I got here, or what I’m doing here.  I’m American and I don’t know BTS except for their music.  But they told me I lost my memory and that I’m actually Korean.  That I’m an orphan and I have no one.  And I don’t know if this is a dream or if this is real.  I don’t know if all of this is a figment of my imagination, and I think I’m going crazy.”

Yup.  So you said all that.  To a complete stranger.  Who now probably thinks that you’re nuts.  Wacko.  A complete lunatic.  What is wrong with—

“Not to be a pretentious asshole, but dreams or reality, isn’t all of that just a figment of our imagination?  Whatever our mind chooses to perceive?” Jihoon asks, shrugging.  “I think I’m real.  I feel real.  I have real feelings.  My own thoughts.  I don’t know what I can do to convince your brain that I’m real though. Maybe I should pinch you?”

He considers your forearms, and you’re taken aback, instinctively pulling your arms away from the table, but then he snickers, “I’m joking.  I’m not gonna pinch you.”

And it’s so ridiculous that you laugh.  You laugh until your eyes start watering, and you wipe them before they can fall.  You refuse to cry on top of everything else right now.  

Jihoon looks like he wants to comfort you, but doesn’t know how and it lifts your spirits a little, grateful for the levity.  “Thank you.  I needed that laugh.”

“I’m glad.  Thank you for being so nice to me, for getting me lunch.”

“You know, people at Hybe seem nice too.”

“I–” Jihoon hesitates, his eyes darting to his cutlery.  “I guess it’s only fair that I share some stuff with you too.” 

You lean forward, his uneasiness affecting you.

“I don’t feel welcome at Hybe,” he confesses.

“What?  Really?  Are people bullying or hazing you?”

“No, Y/N-ssi.  It’s just a feeling I get.  That people don’t want me there.  A reluctance.  No one has done anything to me, but it feels hostile.  I’d quit, but the money and benefits are nice.  On the other hand, I don’t know why they don’t just fire me, honestly.”

“Because you’re a good worker, Jihoon-ssi.  If they fired you, I would definitely have something to say about that.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Don’t know what?”

“That I’m a good worker,” he says with a lifted brow.  

Eh, what dignity do you have left?  “Not to sound like a creep, but I do notice you around the office.  You get things done fast and efficiently.  Sometimes, I’ll see you and think I should say hi, but by the time I finish my task, you’re already done and gone.”  

“You notice me?” he asks, disbelieving.  

“Yeah.  You’re nice.”

Jihoon’s smile is shy and his eyes crinkle like they’re not used to it, but so so want to.  He often makes himself small, nondescript, but here he blooms and gently takes up space.  You’re pleased to see him coming out of his shell.  You wanna ask about his food situation, but there’s this thing called ‘saving face’ that you don’t want to step on.  You also especially don’t want him to retreat within himself.  

“Jihoon-ssi.  What year were you born?”

“95.”  He tilts his head, confused by this sudden change in direction.

“Then we’re the same age.  If you could address me comfortably, I would like to be friends.”

“Oh.”  He looks like he could have never predicted this.  You’re suddenly hit with that deja vu, finding a similarity in the way Tae allegedly adopted you and how you’re now adopting Jihoon, but you quickly chase that feeling away.  You can’t trust it.  Instead, you smile reassuringly at Jihoon, who eventually returns it.  “Sure, Y/N.  Let’s be friends.”

The food is served and you spend the rest of the time talking about inconsequential things: the music you’ve been listening to, his cat, Miro, your poor cooking skills, and how he’s patiently waiting for Minho to return to Shinee after enlistment.

“Is it rude to ask when you enlist?” you inquire.

Jinhoon shakes his head.  “I already enlisted in 2018.  I’m done now.”

“Was it hard?”

“Not really.  I like working out, so it just felt like one long session at the gym.”

“Still, it must have sucked not being able to see your family as much.”

He balks and you immediately apologize.  “Sorry.  I shouldn’t have commented on something so personal.”

“No, that’s alright.  Um.  I do miss my family.  My parents died back in 2016.  Four years later and the hurt still feels fresh any time I think about them.  It’s a good hurt sometimes, but it still hurts.”

“You don’t have any other family?  Siblings?  Cousins?”  You know you’re being a bit invasive, but you want to know what sort of support system he has.  

“I have a half sister.  My mother married an American soldier and moved to America, but she missed Korea, so she moved back and remarried my dad.  It was a bit of a scandal, so both their families sort of ignored us.”

“That’s awful.”  

Jihoon shrugs, dismissing all of it as something in the past.

“Are you close with your half sister?”

“Kind of.  She’s the only family I have left and I’m looking for her actually.  I know she’s somewhere here in Korea, but I lost track of her.  I don’t have any money to hire an investigator to find her, so I’ve been trying to do it on my time off.”

An idea suddenly sparks in your head.  “Maybe we can help each other.”

Jihoon is wary.  “How?”

“I’ve actually been trying to find a file at Hybe, but I’m denied access at every turn.  BTS told me that I was attacked by a sasaeng ex-employee.  Kim Cho-hee.  I don’t know if it's a lie or if the file even exists.  As maintenance, you’re allowed access everywhere and you’re discreet.  If you could find me a physical or digital copy, it would provide me with some answers that I think I really need.  And in return, I can help you fund the private investigator.  I’ll pay for all the fees.”

Jihoon looks shocked as he processes your proposal.  “You’d really do that for me?”

“We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“But, you don’t even know me.”

“I know that I can’t do this alone,” you say resolutely.  “And without you, I’m alone.”

His expression softens in understanding.  “Yeah.  I’m alone too.”

“Then let's not do this alone.  Let's help each other.”  You muster all the sincerity you have and hope your desperation isn’t offputting.  If Jihoon refuses, you’ll be back at square zero with no lifeline.  

Honestly, Jihoon is perfect.  He is so far removed from everything.  Everyone barely notices him, regardless if he thinks people don’t like him.  In fact, if people at Hybe don’t like him, that makes you trust him even more.  The only connection he has to Hybe is as employer and employee.  He’s not embroiled in the politics and the gossip except for the snack thing, but you can easily fix that by feeding him.  You acknowledge that you’re kind of using him, but this will be a mutually beneficial relationship.  You can help him find his sister and you do truly want to be friends with him.  This isn’t the most auspicious start, but it’s the best you’ve got right now.

“Please, Jihoon.”

He fiddles with a napkin, but nods his head.  “Okay.  Let’s find out what’s real.  When do we start?”

You hand him your black card.  

—

You don’t stop by Bang PD-nim’s office before the end of the day.  You refuse to be pushed out of the only normalcy you have, the only contact you have with the outside world.  You know you can’t avoid him forever, but you’re going to try your best.  

On your commute home with BTS, Jimin invites you over for dinner and games, but you feign a headache.  You’re suddenly bombarded in the groupchat by all of BTS insisting that they come over to see you.  You take a picture of your leftover sundubu jjigae and tell them you’re fine.  You’ll eat dinner and then head to bed to sleep it off.  Jungkook suggests rescheduling hanging out tomorrow so you can rest, and you almost take him up on the offer.  Instead, you reassure him that you’re still on for tomorrow.  

You can’t avoid BTS.  They can’t know that anything is wrong, that you heard everything they said last night.  And you have to make appearances so they can’t use your health as a reason to pull you from work.  You’re allowing yourself to have this time.  You are just going to take a little break, to gather some strength to face them.  It seems like they know all of your idiosyncrasies, so you’ll have to turn up your acting skills.  

Well, you thought you were going to take a break.  You’re washing the dishes, making a mental note to remember to make a key for the cleaning ajumma, when someone knocks on your door.  It really was too much to expect them to give you space.  You brace yourself and answer the door.

You’re not surprised to see Jin standing there, book in hand.  You put on your warmest smile.  “I’m really okay.  You didn’t have to come.”

“I wanted to,” Jin says.  He brushes your hair from your face and you hold in a flinch.  A twinge must have shown because his brows furrow, worried.  “That headache must be a doozy.  Was work stressful today?”

You’re relieved.  He believes your excuse about the headache, but you don’t want to blame work.  “I think I was just listening to my music too loud.  I should turn it down before I get tinnitus.”

Jin grins.  “Yeah, that would be a good idea.”

You both stand there awkwardly and Jin doesn’t seem in a hurry to leave, so you’re forced to open the door wider to let him in.  He removes his shoes and you follow him to your room.  He drops onto the bed and pats the space next to him.  You don’t know what he’s trying to do, but you orchestrate your face to be open and curious.

“What’s up?” you ask.  You remind yourself not to nervously thumb the hem of your shirt.  You take it a step further and tell yourself not to fidget your hands.  Like a cut marionette, your arms hang at your sides.  You start overthinking your body language, unsure if your angles are natural, but you shouldn’t cross your arms like you want to.  Crossed arms means closed off.  Open arms means everything is okay.

“I figured with a headache, it’d be hard to sleep,” Jin explains.  “Music and TV don’t seem like good options, so I’ll read to you until you fall asleep.”

You could fight him on this, but you know Jin will persist.  You don’t want to raise too many red flags.  You might also be ignoring that you don’t actually want to fight this, that you do want him here, despite everything.  Jin suspects nothing, his expression hopeful and fond and just so happy to be here with you.  It’s difficult to refuse him anything when he looks like he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.  You are conflicted between your mistrust and being drawn to him like a moth to a flame.  

“Um, I’m gonna go get ready and then I’ll be right back,” you say nervously.  You dig out some modest sleepwear and head to the bathroom.  You’re on autopilot with your routine.  Be strong, Y/N.  Don’t give in too much.  You have to protect yourself.  

Jin is sitting against the headboard, book in hand.  You avoid his eyes and get into bed.  You sort of tuck yourself in so there’s a bit of a blanket barrier between you and him, but you roll on your side and face him.  You can sense his obvious amusement.

“Comfy?” he asks.

“Yup.  So what’s on the agenda?”  

Unbidden, you think, Jin doesn’t like to read.  He’ll read a page at a time if he does read, and he rarely reads for pleasure unless it’s an assignment of some sort.  You can’t tell if this is knowledge you already know, if you observed this in the weeks you’ve been here, or if it’s just something you inherently know.

“I don’t have much of a selection, so I picked whatever I could find in my room.  Tonight, we’ve got ‘The Remasculization of Korean Cinema: Culture, Politics & Society’,” he presents with dramatic flare.

You scrunch your nose.  If Jin reads that, you really will get a headache.

He of course notices and laughs.  “On second thought, this might not have been the best idea.”

“It was the best of intentions though.”

“I’ll see if Joon has anything lighter,” Jin says, turning over the book in disappointment.

“Why don’t you just tell me a story?”  The words leave your lips without your say so.  He glances at you in surprise.  

“What kind of story do you want?”

You scootch further under the duvet, only your eyes showing.  “Jieun-unnie said you were in love.”

Jin’s breath catches.  

“But you don’t have to tell me about it if you don’t want to,” you murmur.  Even with Jin being here, you have decided to put all your feelings into the box of lost things, which you intend to seal away and ignore.  Nothing is going to happen.  Nothing can ever happen with Jin.  So call this self-flagellation or morbid curiosity, but you just want to know.

“Why do you want to know about her?” he asks carefully.

You shrug.  “I wanna know what love looks like to you.”

Jin’s face softens.  He takes a deep breath and sets his book aside on the nightstand.  

“Hmm. People, movies and songs always talk about these dramatic moments.  Being struck by how beautiful someone is like lightning.  Jungkook with his ringing bells.  Tae with his red string of fate and soulmates.  But it wasn’t like that for me.  It was quiet.  Sneaky.  Like standing on the beach and not realizing that the tide is steadily rising.

“She was just someone who was around.  Someone I would see in passing.  Our schedules rarely matched up, so our interactions were incidental.  We never paid each other any mind.  We were too focused on our jobs.  Besides, she wasn’t very outgoing.  She was introverted.  Aloof.  Seemingly unruffled.  But I’d see the way she interacted with the people she was close to.  I’d wonder how someone so intimidating, who seemed so distant in the day to day, could suddenly be so comfortably silly and fearlessly weird with her people.  It’s something idols and celebrities work so hard to make seem effortless.  

“Actually, that’s the best word to describe her.  Effortless.  She wasn’t contrived.  Wasn’t polished, primped, and packaged.  Just naturally effortless.  

“Now, maybe I’m just an asshole, but it made me want to ruffle her up.  Rock her boat a bit just to see what she’d do.  I wanted to know what made her tick.  What songs she cried to.  What books she gave a second thought to.  What code she lived by.  

“I started off small.  I’d steal a pen off her desk.  She’d buy a one hundred pack of G2 pens with a sticky note that anyone was welcome to them.  I’d put googily eyed stickers on her glasses.  She’d stick the goggily eyes on plants around the office.  I’d anonymously rickroll her through email attachments.  She’d reply that my resume was outdated and kindly attached a better resume template, only to rickroll me back.  

“I upped my game.  I’d replace her corner mart bought gimbap with homemade gimbap.  She’d leave me tasty baked goods.  I’d leave her a mixed CD.  She’d leave me a mixed audio cassette.  I’d buy her mittens.  She’d leave me a scarf.  

“And then suddenly, it wasn’t enough.  I had to come by to poke and prod her with words.  I’d tell her she’s pretty.  She’d tell me I’m handsome.  I’d tell her she’s weird.  She’d tell me I’m obnoxious.  I tried to pull her into arguments, but wasn’t really successful until I lied and told her I don’t wear sunscreen when it’s cloudy.  She subjected me to a ten minute tirade about the science of UV rays and I loved it.”  

Jin had steadily grown distant as he went back in time, but he refocuses on you.  His words, the quirk of his lips, the twinkle in his eye had coaxed you out of your duvet cocoon.  You smile encouragingly.

“I don’t even know when annoying her became harmless flirting and then transformed into full blown conversations about kdrama tropes, rating local hole in the walls, and confessions of hopes and dreams.  Before I knew it, she was someone who became the one.  The one I wanted to see everyday.  The one I wanted to share my stories with.  The one who I wanted in my stories.  

“And I thought she was completely oblivious.  We always saw each other in passing or we were always with everyone else, but I really wanted to be alone with her.  I wanted her to only look at me.  

“It all came to a head when all of us bought tickets to go see Passengers.  You know, that Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence movie?  We were all gonna catch dinner and then go see the movie, but I convinced the dongsaengs to skip out.  I took her to one of my favorite restaurants, and I had to pretend to go to the bathroom so I could pay before she could insist on splitting the bill.  We went to see the movie, but I honestly couldn’t tell you what it’s about.  I couldn’t stop watching her.  And whenever she’d catch me, I’d lean in and make a joke, I don’t even remember what, but just something so she wouldn’t suspect.  I wanted her to know how I felt, but I was also terrified of her knowing.”

The way he talks about her, about himself, it feels soft and shimmery like ocean foam, an airy wisp on a reminiscent breeze, and it stirs a longing in you.  Captivates you.

“When we left the theater, she spotted the maknaes.  They saw us coming and tried to hide, but the hilarious thing was, they hid behind cutouts.  Of themselves, advertising a fanmeeting coming up.  A truly slap yourself in the face moment that I couldn’t even appreciate at the time because Tae was busy selling me out, whining that they didn’t want to intrude on our date, but they also didn’t wanna waste their movie tickets.”

You roll your eyes, but your smile betrays your affection.  “What a bunch of idiots.”

“But they’re our idiots,” Jin says fondly.  His smile is small, but it’s a smile you haven’t seen before, like how you can only see Venus right before dawn or just after sunset.  A smile that is only reserved for special circumstances to align, and you stare unblinkingly, not wanting to miss it for a second because you don’t know when you’ll ever find the chance again.  

“I had to drag her away from those idiots.  And she kept trying to pull away, but I couldn’t let her go cuz’ I was trying to muster up my courage.  I dragged her four blocks before I had the nerve to face her.  Before I confessed that yes, that was a date.  That I liked her.  That I loved her.  And you know what she said?”

You hum.  

“She said, ‘I love you too.  But I dropped my glasses back there.’”

You splutter and burst into giggles in concert with Jin’s windshield wiping.  Jin hiccups, “We had to run back those four blocks to find her glasses before I could have my first kiss with her.”  

“You are also an idiot, Jin,” you snort.

“I know, I know.  Not my smoothest moment,” Jin concedes, elbowing you.  “And it wasn’t smooth sailing from there either.  Our schedules still didn’t align the way we wanted it to.  I would be tired and worn out.  She would be busy and frayed.  But we still made it work.  We’d fall asleep together over video calls.  I’d send her flowers and she’d have food delivered to me.  She’d surprise me at concerts.  I’d surprise her at conferences.  We had to steal our moments.   But it was the happiest I’d ever been.  I like to think she was happy too.”

Jin grows silent.  Something in him fades as he picks at your duvet, agitated.  You grab his hand and interlace your fingers, stilling him.  “What happened?” you whisper.  “Why did it stop?”

You know you shouldn’t be asking this.  You’re mentally slapping yourself for making Jin relive this knowing this doesn’t have a happy ending.  But you can’t stop yourself.  You have to reach the end.  You have to read the last page so you can close the book.  He stares at your hands and then…

Softly.  Bitterly.  With self-loathing, he says, “She became a victim of my industry.”

It’s vague, but there’s a finality that you dare not stir.  

Storytime is over.  

You want to apologize, but you know that won’t make things better.  In a way, it feels like you both needed this.  A cathartic release, but something’s missing.  You rub your thumb against Jin’s hand, trying to convey some comfort.  “She sounds lovely.”

“She is.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Debatable,” he huffs in scorn.  

“Hey.”  You tug his hand so he’ll look at you.  His expression is stone, eyes dark when he finally meets yours.  You infuse every fiber of your being with earnesty.  “She sounds lovely.  Don’t retroactively deprive her of her autonomy.  Of her choices.  It wasn’t your fault.”

The stone cracks a bit, a tremulous smile playing on his lips, not quite accepting, but you think he heard you.  

You lightly squeeze his hand in yours.  “It’s getting late.  You should go to bed.”

When you try to remove your hand though, he doesn’t let go.  “Can I stay here?  At least until you fall asleep?”

He plays it like he’s doing this for you, but there’s an open vulnerability and loneliness in the way he’s looking at you.  Is this what Hobi meant when he said Jin had a lot of baggage?  You don’t quite feel devastated, but this isn’t baggage.  It’s a piece of history, and you find some small comfort that if your illness is in fact real, at least it’s your affliction, not Jin’s.  At least he isn’t forced to relive his history.  

“Sure, Jin.  Always.” 

Previous Chapter <- - -> Next Chapter

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Taglist: @miksancheese @justamomnamedamie @the-daechwita-archive @alpacaparkaseok @whatamitoyou

A/N: I totally didn't get this done till like 0130 so I didn't have time for a beta to read this through before my posting deadline. Sorry for the late post and for all the grammar mistakes! Tehee!

[iamacolor]

I will jump on the discussion bandwagon with some analysis 😂😂😂 because I've been thinking about this for a while. So the big romance dramas this year I'm sorry this is gonna be so long but I like so lay everything out because talking in general doesn't actually show anything if you want to be like "I ain't reading all that but I'm happy for you or sorry that happened" I will completely understand.

Lovely runner: ride or die female lead but you could make the argument and not a weak one that they showed the ml's love and affection in a bigger way.

Queen of tears: Felt pretty even in that regard for me but up for debate.

Marry my husband: The poster girl for uneven dynamics where the ML entire existence revolved around the FL and at the first opportunity she had to show even an ounce of the same she was like nope.

Captivating the king: This one had to do mental gymnastics with its own logic to justify the FL treating the ML like shit 12 episodes deep into the show when it longer made any sense.

Queen of divorce: This one was just sad and pathetic because girlie gets drunk and sleeps with a dude gets pregnant while she's dating ML and then cuts him off with no explanation. ML loves her for years and then simps 24/7 without a shred of dignity, It doesn't help that it was just dumb all around.

Then you have atypical family, wedding impossible, dreaming of freaking Cinderella, midnight romance in hagwon where it's not that obvious in some instances but it was still the typical (haha) guy makes bigger gestures/declarations/ etc

Just as far back as 2020 you could find a much more balanced list: Flower of evil, Mr queen, Hospital playlist, itawon class, tale of the nine taled, run on, find me in your memory, when the weather is fine, into the ring all weren't perfect in this regard but they had really really committed men but also women who maybe liked them and pursued them first( itaewon, WTWIS, FMIYM, hospital playlist in the case of two couples) who protected them with strength or just words (run on, FOV, itaewon, into the ring), who you felt were just as committed as their significant others in most instances. And the differences are so stark side by side You could say we're only a little over halfway through the year but somehow I don't think anything will change. Last year was more of the same there were exceptions like see you in 19th life, call it love, castaway diva but it was mostly the same song and dance; Welcome to samdari, my dearest, perfect marriage revenge, love to hate you, king the land (somehow the most inconspicuous but also the most blatant every big gesture or confession and even the small ones were 99 percent him, was from the ml's side so much so that when he has to deal with emotional trauma they had him do it alone 😂😅😂 and the moment that encapsulates the whole thing is when they're talking to her grandma and he's like I'll make her happy for the rest of her life and she's like I'll be happy with him for the rest of my life like woman please I know you're reassuring your grandma but come on) oh and also soundtrack 2 had people picking up their pitchforks. There was also tell me you love me which was the opposite with the FL being the more affectionate forward one for most of the show and the ml being hesitant because he's deaf and he's been burned so badly before because of his disability and his ex girlfriend not being able to handle it only to reverse uno us and have the FL do the exact same thing which made it so much worse she literally tells him she had a dream he could hear and was so happy and I almost banged my heard against the wall. I can't speak to my demon, park's marriage though because I haven't seen them.

P.S all of this and kdramas come off smelling like roses compared to cdramas which are so so SO much worse. Is it because they almost exclusively adapt novels? Which makes sense for kdramas too because they've started adapting a lot more webtoons and romance novels/webtoons are usually a lot more blatant about the romantic reverie because they're a different medium. If you want balanced couples you need to pick which cdramas you watch very carefully lest you loose all your hair because you're tearing it out. So many of them are : boy gets tortured for girl boy gets stabbed for girl boy literally kills and dies for girl boy says the most unhinged romantic shit you've ever heard in your life to girl. Girl: sure whatever I guess...

jump on it anon!! i'm always up to read some analysis in my askbox honestly it makes me feel like i'm a talk show or something - also the sheer amount of dramas you've listed made me realise i've actually watched very few dramas in the last two years so i definitely felt like we were making progress but maybe no lmao i've only watched lovely runner, castaway diva and soundtrack 2 out of your list of this year and last year - i tried to watch my demon and i was just kind of bored tbh

and omg i had forgotten about when the weather is fine and into the ring! both definitely had very proactive female leads (i love when she's like "should we sleep together" or "i want to sleep with you" or something like that in when the weather is fine) and also really nice stories

as for king the land what do you mean he delt with his trauma alone like was he at the hospital and she didn't visit him??? but yeah i would not be surprised to hear a fl was written more as tool to have the ml show humanity and strenghth and have a goal for his fight and his recovery than as an actual person lol

ngl your description is kind of making me want to watch more cdramas just to see what's going on like why are so many people stabbing and torturing others!! do you have any recommandations?

[sdikinom]

please leave a ♥ if you save/use.

[hollyhomburg]

waaaaaait, you studied at sogang!? gosh, what a weird coincidence. i am studying there through an exchange program run by my american university and was planning on taking a course similar to the one you mentioned! i'm a little nervous about going to korea just because i only started studying korean a few months ago and i'm a slow learner and i'm pretty anxious about not being able to communicate with people and, like, i know this is irrational, but somehow offending someone through my own cultural ineptitude. do you have any tips about studying abroad? or would you mind if i pestered you with questions via dm?

okay i'll give you my tips via a bulleted list! but i do have one favor to ask of you in exchange!

Sogang university and korean universities in general have a much more substantial curve than American universities generally have, don't worry too well about doing super super well, i had a 50 on a final and i still passed with a C+ (this was a math course.)

Sogang is primarily a business school- so expect any business and math classes to be harder than others.

i did not know a lick of korean when i landed in Korea, I'm talking i did not even know how to say thank you properly- so any effort that you are taking to learn the language before you get there is going to put you a step above others. don’t worry- you’re doing fine.

but- i would put a great emphasis on ordering food and learning how to read korean over super spesific grammer things because knowing how to read korean is actually really helpful because not all menues in korea are written in english, most subway stations and street signs are though, this includes numbers too.

learn how to be polite, take things with two hands always or hold your elbow if you can't. People don't hold open doors for each other in korea, it's strange but people will look at your weird if you do but it's also strangely rendering.

this is a little uncomfortable to say but- English sounds very loud compared to Korean to korean people.  it's literally just harder to talk in hushed tones when you're speaking English since korean is naturally an octive lower in tone;  be mindful of not talking too loud when you're in a shared space. even if you talk at normal volume people will consider it rude, its just another cultural difference. 

People will complain if you talk too loud in the hallways, the cafeteria, or study rooms even if they are not in the same room as you. im talking if they are down the hall and they can hear even a whisper from you- they will complain- even if there are korean people around you being louder than you. free space is very very hard to come-by in general. there are study rooms that you can book though in the basements of alot of buildings at sogang and those are really helpful and sound proof.

The same is true with trains and busses and restaurants and coffee shops. i even had people complain that we were talking too loud in a bar at one point. It's just how English is perceived in korea because of the american military men and don't feel like you can't exist in certain spaces just because you do speak English or are going to be speaking English. 

speaking of the american military men, stay away from them. they aren’t good people and they don’t treat anyone (korean or otherwise) with respect, they hang around itaewon alot and there are plenty of fun bars that aren’t in that part of seoul.

Do your best to sign up for everything the buddy program at sogang offers- they are alot of fun and you get to know alot about how things are laid out in seoul especially at the begining.

if you are planning on going anywhere at night or early morning, Know if where you're going has cctv, most if not all parks in korea are really well monitored as are train stations. most places like itaewon, hongdae, and sinchon and ewha have them so you'll be safe no matter what but there are a few places like certian parts of mapo that are a little less safe, but if you've been to nyc- the most dangerous parts of korea are still safer than many parts of brooklyn in my opinion.

there is nothing that you have at home that you can't get in korea besides hair dye for thin hair and sour cream. when i left i packed a whole bunch of stuff like shaving razors and pads and full sized towels because people told me they wouldn’t be there- but yeah- you're going to be able to find those in any freaking lottemart practically. alot of information is outdated online.

also- if you wanna see lots and lots of stray cats walk the Gyeongui Line Forest Park, its really close to sogang and the quickest way to walk to hongdae (in my opinion)

now as for my favor, when you are heading outside of gonzaga dorm (the dorm that all exchange students have to stay in 90% of the time, so i’m assuming you’ll live there) you go down the hill in the direction of both ewha womans station, and then exactly across from the cross walk before you walk towards the river and daeheung station, there is a paris baguette and a coffee shop called ‘please coffee’. i’d like a picture of that coffee shop, and if you go into it- get the caramel macchiato. 

Thats the coffee shop that my soulmate and i met in and i wonder almost every day if it closed during the pandemic or if it’s still there. when i go back to seoul for teaching im gonna track it down but yeah, part of me wants to know if it’s there or just in our memories now

[kpopgerapitico]

Let me preface this with voice actors aren't paid enough, and accessibility is important to me, especially in and with popular media.

Idk if anyone has mentioned this, and at this point i'm a little too afraid to ask, but it has come to my attention that squid game is dubbed . . .

And it has just never occurred to me that you could dub a drama? Like some poor schmuck (and trust me, i've listened to this part and only this part, the guy did not know who he was dubbing at all) had to do voice over work of Gong Yoo.

I cannot imagine. Let alone the rest of the cast (who are all now big names, and some of whom were well known enough before), but Gong Yoo, whose only there for a bit part . . .

If you want more examples, I'm going to make a complete list based on the US Kdrama catalog on Netflix under the cut. Along with my first reactions of course!

A Korean Odyssey: Not in English, but Cha Seung Won in Spanish is pretty spectacular A Love So Beautiful: I guess I just find Spanish more charming. Or I can't tell how badly it fits because I don't it as well. Arthdal Chronicles: Song Joong Ki will be a theme here today. He sounds fine in Thai. Kim Jo Won sounds a little strange. Crash Landing Into You: The Hindi cast seems to be having fun! There are other options to watch as well. D.P.: First of all, please watch D.P in its full. Also, Netflix why? Why this drama? The translations are a little poor in my opinion. I was goign to say the voice actign is decent, but by the next scene, I changed my mind again. Extracurricular: If I don't look at the screen, the English acting hurts a little bit less. Hello Me!: Welcome back to Spanish. And this time I know more actors, and my brain is more confused. Hospital Playlist: And now it's hurting again . . . A lot of the voices don't fit for me It's Okay to not be Okay: So, these ones fit a bit better for me. But they still obviously don't fit the mouths. And at least they got someone with a deep voice for a deep voiced actor. And they aced some of the casting of the women. Itaewon Class: And we're back to a struggle, this time in Japanese! Kingdom: I'm not sure how I feel about the accents. Oh wait, I know how I feel: bad . . . pretty fucking bad. Also, there is no real English equivalent for the language difference that you have here between ancient and modern Korean Kingdom: Ashin of the North: the first was in English, this is too. And we are still doing the accents. Love (ft. Marriage and Divorce): And we are back to Spanish, and confusion Love Alarm: Dubbed over giggles hurt me just a little bit. So does romance just on the whole. Lovestruck in the City: Ha Jiwon and Kim Minseok and Ji Changwook are all . . . a lot. I will defend So Joo-yeon's dubber, just because she sounds adorable. Mad For Each Other: Yeah, idk at this point. They are all blending together, and the Thai (no English again) is sort of just flowing through me without making any impact. Man to Man: Good luck casting decent voices for any of these guys. Good fucking luck (Spanish here btw) Mine: it all just passes like a spring shower across my brain (this time in portugese) Move to Heaven: this just reminds me that I want to see this show. And also they decided to go hella young with the voice of Tang Joon Sang Mr. Sunshine: I wonder if Spanish can handle the period language any better than English? My First First Love: Boy we can't find anyone to handle the deep voices of some of these Korean actors huh? My Holo Love: I cannot handle Chansung in English here . . . or, surprisingly Choi Yeo Jin. My Only Love Song: Some more period Spanish for you, if that is a thing that you apparently need in your life. My Runway: This show is way too unknown to have a dub? Why does it have a Spanish dub? Navillera: I wouldn't expect Spanish and ballet to go together, but okay. Also watching someone get murdered at billiards is always great. Nevertheless: All the Spanish and Portuguese has no effect on me any more at this point. Record of Youth: For the first time, there are two Chinese options. Can I tell that there is a difference? Yes. Can I tell you what it is? Absolutely not. Run On: More options of romance in Spanish and Portuguese. I'm sure there is a joke here to be made about translators. Sisyphus: Here's that good confusing shit again! Park Shin Hye is acting her heart out, and the voice actress . . . is not totally failing, so that's a nice new change. Though I could see it getting worse. So Not Worth It: This is some meta shit. Native English speakers, speaking Korean, dubbed over in English. Also . . . Youngjae. That's all I will say. Start-up: We are back to Mandarin, but still feeling those same feelings. Stranger: Just Spanish, so lucky Spanish speakers I guess. Sweet Home: Horror is always best in it's original language. Fight me on it honestly. The King: Eternal Monarch: My dreams of Lee Minho in English are dashed, but at least there is Hindi! School

Nurse Files: This show is weird enough in Korean. I don't need to hear them say it in English too. Vagabond: If you didn't like Lee Seunggi in Spanish, then why not Portuguese, Thai, or Mandarin? Vincenzo: IN THE FIRST EPISODE SONG JOONG KI SPEAKS SPANISH AND THEY LEAVE THAT IN BUT DUB OVER ALL HIS KOREAN IN ENGLISH. WTF!!!!!!!

What a way to end y'all: confused and battered. I did this so you don't have to!

[alottamoney]

Part 1

In many ways this is the antithesis of the last vlive, long, awkward to watch the first time, tedious the second, and far from unscripted.

This vlive starts in a sober mood, Tae out of the blue says to Jungkook "we can't be friends" Jungkook laughs, they tell the audience that they are making carnations for Children's day (and Parent’s day). Jungkook warns that they might go quiet when they make them, because they have to focus. Tae reaches his hand out and Jungkook meets him in a horizontal high-five knocking Tae's knuckles onto the table (ouch!). Jungkook asks Tae what he has been up to these days, they both laugh, like it's an inside joke, Tae says he picked strawberries and Jungkook agrees "we picked strawberries" Tae continues "I produce music at home" "Enjoy delicious food". Jungkook says he uses his free time to do things he couldn't before like playing the guitar and boxing, "this and that".

They start with their project, a bit apprehensive of the time it might take to finish, someone instructs them from behind the camera, the first time we get a sense that there is staff present with them. Jungkook looks at comments and yells "Taekook" and looks at Tae and provides in the form of an explanation "they say we're Taekook", almost like it’s a new word for them, it feels strange, but they move on quickly from it to their task, Jungkook gets to work right away while narrating what he's doing, Tae seems a bit lost, or disinterested, or both, he comes to a sudden realization that he is supposed to make a carnation headband, "you can join us too." Tae says. (I'd be lying if I said this was entertaining.)Jungkook is still telling us the process of making a paper flower and also telling us where he’s going wrong, the staff is still on the other side instructing them.

 It’s honestly downhill from here unless you just enjoy seeing taekook in one frame, which was why a lot of people, including me, had tuned in that day, but it was painfully awkward to watch at the time as well.

Jungkook says he had a dream about fighting with Jin over pants while he was waiting to shoot the vlive, Tae acts out a scene from a movie called Time to hunt, that he thinks is similar to Jungkook's dream, this, I felt, was the first of Tae's few attempts at trying to offset the weirdness that was very palpable, but Jungkook didn’t seem to be on the same page, instead choosing to fuss over his craft project.

They read the comments again, "Taekook" is read out loud a few more times, Tae asks the staff if he can play a song, Jungkook asks Tae to play fan requests (the only natural part of the vlive, according to me). Tae directs a cheeky look at the staff and plays a trot song with lyrics where the singer asks her boss for a vacation among many other things (could be interpreted as Tae being rebellious), while Jungkook is incessant with his commentary on the paper carnation. Tae talks about making a song for his dad, insists that Jungkook knows what he’s talking about, Jungkook looks confused "it's not you?", they're mumbling now, even if you understand Korean you might have had to rely on subtitles. They bond a bit over Itaewon class, Tata's dad Kiyoung was mentioned at some point (they go off on so many tangents, I can’t keep up). Tae walks off to the side and out of frame for some reason, during which time Jungkook peculiarly stops his task, his excuse being: waiting for the glue gun to heat up, which he checks only when Tae is back in his seat. Tae forbids Jungkook from using the glue gun because young ARMYs are watching, Tae watches as Jungkook does the seemingly complicated task of sticking colored paper to a stick.

Tae says his headband looks like a Pokémon, Jungkook askes if Pokémon is still on TV, both of them wait for an answer from the staff, the staff didn’t know, Tae is amused or annoyed (I can't tell at this point) and he imitates the staff (which is uncalled-for, not everyone knows if Pokémon is still on TV, which it is, incase anyone was wondering). Tae looks over at Jungkook again, Jungkook doesn't look up, Tae decides to use the glue gun, breaking his own rule of no glue guns, Tae is done with the headband, the staff inform them that 38 minutes have passed, Tae face palms (I share his sentiment), "We shouldn't waste time" he says, they both apologize. Tae reads more comments, Jungkook is still narrating his paper flower woes to no one in particular. Tae asks Jungkook to sing Never Not on behalf of fans, Jungkook jokingly demands Tae prepare an instrumental, which Tae seems to miss, because that's just the vibe of this vlive. Tae manages to coax Jungkook into singing Never Not with him which they both seem to enjoy, and they are in sync for once, so the vlive disconnects.

                                                                                                 To be continued......

[shinahbee]

October Favorites 2020!

Hello!

i'm going to start bringing these favorites of the month from my deviantart to here on tumblr. Hopefully you will find something good out of the things that I have been liking recently, please leave in the comments anything that you have been liking this month ( books, manga, anime, tv shows...etc) I have been a little uninspired for a while, but I'm still working on a few new digital art pieces as well as continuing my painting hobby, so there's a lot of content on the way!

okay so on to the things that I've been liking this month.

So if you've seen my latest digital art " who's baby is it?" I have been delving into web toons which I have not read other than mo dao zu shi since I watched the anime and It just suddenly stopped after season 2. I thought reading the web toon would answer some of those questions  i had. It lead me to reading a bunch of webtoons all in the shounen ai category for some reason...lol. and I've been really liking some of the stories, Until this point web toons never really interested me since I've been reading manga since I was younger , so i've been used to just seeing the black and white pages of art, since web toons have coloured pages, it makes me appreciate the effort they used to colour every panel, so a lot of work went into these so i appreciate it for what it is even if the story inst great.

let me preface by saying that even though i'm delving into BL, i've been exposed to yaoi ever since I was in high school by one of my best friends, she lent me her favorite anime which was " gravitation" and all remember was wanting a man that was like yuki...lol. don't we all?

since then I have been reading some yaoi manga...only ones that are NOT predicated on sexual violence and abuse, which I know is prevalent in this category, I just don't like it and the message it sends, so i avoid that all together.

unless of course it has a particular message it wants to convey, not glorifying it. if that makes sense.

okay so here are my recommendations, i'll give a very brief summary of each of them

Manga/Manhwa:

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Who's baby is it? 

- “a man named yi yun wanted to be an actor and is part of an acting company for several years and still was not successful, apparently it was because he was born with really bad luck, so to change his life perspective he decided that he wanted to be a surrogate father and donate his sperm to a surrogate mother in order to have a child that is his blood. So he and his child were living happily together through yi yuns work periods and suddenly there is a man that claims he is the child's actual blood related father and wanted to take the child into his custody.”

please read the summary I have in my fan art, I've wrote my thoughts on this manhwa.

To be or not to be

-  “A company president diagnosed with cancer and died has been transmigrated into his favorite novel, where he was reborn as the antagonistic emperor that the main character defeats in the end, on top of which the main lead is currently the captive of said emperor, so in order to survive he will do anything to protect the protagonist and make sure he stays alive inside the novels universe.”

oh to be or not to be that is the question...lol. it really is. currently is is one of my favorites, I like how modern day people  can look at the acts of history and modify certain things so that it would less likey repeat itself for the worse, we need this sort of mentality at this moment...

Social temperature

- “Song Yuan is indifferent when dealing with people he is an elite student at T- university as a science major, one day his friend started to question his sexuality and set him up with a month trial dating app as a joke, as soon as he went to delete the app on his phone, he was suddenly matched with a boy named "Mu", who turns out to be his classmate/ rival in his science program, his named is Xaio Mu , he is an exchange student abroad and got into this elite science program, hoping to meet new friends he approached song yuan and proceed to converse with him only to be ridiculed by him saying that he wears too much perfume and it made him sick so then he became the class social outcast.But after using the app to converse with "Mu"...song yuan became curious as to what he is actually like...using the fake name and bio of " Andrew " they start to get to know each other more.”

omg , this is triggering for me, since Mu is basically me a few years ago when I was also in a medical science program minus the talking on tinder thing lol, I felt as though everyone in that program was in it for themselves and I didn't not like the how people think they are entitled to everything...that's why i'm not in it no more.lol. there are a few plot holes in the story that I don't really get but other than that I really like this story I read the chapters that are out so far like 3 times cause I'm waiting for the rest to be translated. I also actually read the Novel by the same author of the manhua called " social outcast" so if you just want to read it in text format please read that novel instead, I like the novel up to a point and then it didn't really make sense after wards..lol.

so i can't say that i recommended it completely. Also Mu's character design I really like, thus i'm going to make a fan art of him soon...omg he's so beautiful, i'm in love lol.

Salad Days  ( tang liu zang) 

- “This is the story between a young innocent ballet boy and a passionate, determined boxing boy. The two met at the children’s palace, and since then, they have grown up together supporting each other. May there be hardships, may there be obstacles, yet they never stopped pursuing their dreams. The beauty of the salad days is the sweat from the hard work and the bonding of friendship. Although they have completely different paths set up for them, what never changes is their beautiful friendship.”

wow this story so far is really beautiful, I was in ballet for 3  years so it was slightly relatable to me, I feel like the over all message is that people sacrifice a lot for their dreams and if you are very passionate about it, there's no on that can really stop you, the only one that can stop you is you. I can't wait to see this story progress further  

K-dramas:

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it okay to not be okay - this probably has been mentioned as everyone's favorite, but rightfully so, I really like ko mun young's character as a person who seems like an assertive and powerful woman, but is suffering from a social disorder. and how moon gang tae has to not only deal with mental patients at his job but also his older brother being autistic, he himself is suffering from mental illness. this drama is  something not a lot of dramas portray in dealing with mental illness and how the patients/ loved ones  are feeling when watching them go through it all. I liked the story and the message  and it made me cry in every episode, so fair warning...have tissues beside you as you watch.

itaewon class- I was not going to watch this because of the mixed reviews but I did any ways, and it was really good, a really good depiction of how money and power isn't the end all be all , and being happy  is really the best revenge you can get, it also addresses racism and prejudice on one character and sexism on a trans-gendered woman. I also think this is a story that protrays something that really hasn't been exposed to in k-dramas specifically. It depends on your morals and what you understand so far in your life wether you would like this drama or not, so i understand the mixed reviews that it gets, but for me it was a really good story.

Anime/ TV shows:

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I don't have any anime recommendations this month mainly cause I have not been watching any, but there are some that i might watch soon  so I will list those below, let mew know if any of you have seen them and should I be watching them.

- Nobelese

-yasha hime ( inuyasha  new series)

-Haikyuu  new season

-heavens official blessing ( same author of mo dao zushi) - just started watching

-scum bag saving system- just started watching

Music :

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so I have just been listening to a lot of OSTs,

I really recommend the itaewon class soundtrack, all the songs are so good!

my favorite on is " crush- No words "

also my friend has been sending me NCT  and super M practice  videos so I've been listening to their music as well, please listen to make a wish by NCT U, it has been stuck in my head and I cant get it out...lol.

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that's all for this October faves summary. please comment below if anything interested you for the month of October, I would also like to read your recommendations as well, please also take care of yourselves especially now with all that's escalating in the world.

take care!

sheena

[hobidreams]

Ahhh, gosh pressure/headaches are the worst 😥 i also really hate that. I hope it'll be gone soon and you get to rest your eyes/head huhu, i know how painful that is too as I also get those from time to time. Its hard also bc when headaches attack feels like you can't do anything at all, it sucks so much!! 😓 hope you'd feel better! Pls go away headaches! Also, be careful in the gym 💟

Ahh!! I've been contemplating to watch Love is Blind JPN, is it worth watching? i guess imma put it on my list then! Thanks! That's a lot of animes! Which one's your fave so far?Haven't watched one in a long time but maybe i'll think about watching one if i get the feels of it these days haha 😂

Lately i've been watching kdramas/one jdrama and a few tv shows that's on my list that I wanted to finish. So far i've finished After Life (not a kdrama), Itaewon Class (lot of thoughts haha), Vincenzo (which im still so shocked that i really like), All of us are dead (looot of thoughts too haha). I have a lot more unfinished 😂 I can't with myself haha. I wanna finish One Day at a Time and Ted Lasso. But also, I just started with It's Okay to Not be Okay, Inspector Koo, San nen A gumi (Mr. Hiiragi's homeroom) and Abbott Elementary! Jeez that's a lot! Sorry 😂😅 i can't with me haha this is getting crazy haha

Oh, and also Ali Wong's Don Wong, stand-up com special which was released yesterday haha.

Kept complaining about watching a lot but damn it, its just when a good show comes you can't stop haha. Also even if its not that good, you just wanna know the ending too. Do you do this too or do you just stop watching/reading those you don't like?

Yes yes, i also like chips and fries! Um, the best! You do do flavors or just plain salt? I love potatoes in general, any form- they're all sexy and delicious to me 😂 Also! Whaat yes! I used to eat Senbei rice crackers too, when I was a kid!! I almost forgot about that! Didn't even remember the name til you linked the photo, thanks! It's the best and brings a lot of memories! 💕 also i could eat some pork buns too right now haha. Hmm lately, since i think i'm gonna get my period--i've been craving chocolates, like pastries/icecream haha. I've been craving some crispy chicken burgers/chicken tenders for a while now, since several months ago but still haven't eaten one yet which is just ugh😂 i know its not a "big" problem but haha. It's crazy bc i get really hungry at 3ams (at times, still awake at that hour haha) and it's all i can think about 😅 oh, i just remember how good custard buns too. Haha

Awwh, that's such a sweet tradition! That's so nice! It feels so nice to have someone you could celebrate these things with someone!💟 Sigh, yea, pandemic took so much from us 😔 i wish you two could meet up soon when it's safer there in your area! But yes better to be safe first 🥺 Me, i'm probably just gonna go watch their show like Bon Voyage (only watched s01 too so) or Run BTS just for fun and all haha.

Happy Valentine's day to you and your bf too (and your loves in life)! Hope you get to celebrate! 💕 Wishing you better days ahead and more good stuff to come! Take care, too!! 💟💟

-🧇

thank u for caring 😭💞 i feel loved!!!! ive got a prescription for new glasses and they should arrive sometime this week so i hope that it'll fix the problem soon.

my favorite anime of that bunch is probably Lovely Complex!! i fell head over heels for the kansai ben so every time i see a character with the accent, i just swoooon 🤣🌹 oooh yes i heard so many good things about those dramas but im terrible at following whats trendy so i always end up watching things 1-2 years after theyre popular LOL i really wanted to watch It's Okay to Not be Okay so i think i will do that soon.

OMG thank you for telling me about ali wong!!! netflix hasnt been giving me that advertisement so i had no idea she had another special. im 100% gonna be watching it. love her sm.

i tend to keep watching if im close to the end?? tbh im not that picky so i'll probably finish a show if i start it. sometimes ill just google the end tho hahah.

YES POTATOES ARE SO SEXY. flavored chips are my fave. i really love Ruffles All Dressed and Miss Vickies Sweet Chili, but ive also been on a Munchies kick lately hahaha. also apple chips. are those still chips? 🤣 im also near my time of the month i think so ive been eating everything and anything. you deserve to treat yourself :'))) go get your chicken!!

omg .. dont even remind me of Bon Voyage LMAO i bought the first season and have watched only 3 eps... i literally keep forgetting bc i bought it on vlive and i never go on that website 😭