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thebudgetgarden · 3 years

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The Budget Garden 2: Tachikaze “Goodstuff” (V-Premium)

Hello Cardfighters, So, I haven’t even completed a total of 3 posts before I got my very first request ! A person from my Vanguard playgroup overheard me mention this blog in passing to one of my friends, and so asked me if he could see my approach to a very cheap and strong Tachikaze deck. This, for those who are not in the know, is already a challenge, as Tachikaze is based on certain interactions with it’s own units, and on much more rare occassions, very strong, individual cards. So, I thought I would discuss one of the very first decks I build by myself, Tachikaze Goodstuff, an Accel deck that aims to hit hard and hit fast.

Let’s begin with the grade 3 units, as understanding our win conditions is the key to success with learning and handling Tachikaze properly.

We shall begin first with a list of our main grade 3 units, which in this case are varying rations of 4 different units, these being:

Light Battle Dragon, Gigannoblazer

Sundering Dragon, Terror Therizeeno

Fiery Light Dragon, Opticalcerato

Savage Mercenary

[CONT](VC):During your turn, if three or more new equip gauges were put for your units this turn, all of your front row units get [Power]+5000. [ACT](VC)1/Turn:COST [Counter Blast (1) & Soul Blast (1)], draw two cards, and call two cards from your hand to (RC). Put up to one card from the top of your deck face down as an equip gauge for each of those units. (Put without looking at the front of those cards）

[AUTO](VC/RC):When it attacks a vanguard, COST [retire another rear-guard], draw a card, if a unit with equip gauge was retired for this cost, choose one of your opponent's rear-guards, and retire it.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When placed, or when it attacks a vanguard, you may put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for one of your rear-guards.

[CONT]:You cannot normal ride this card. [CONT](RC):If you have no units with equip gauge in the same column as this unit, this unit cannot attack. So, wow, right off the bat, there is a lot to unpack, so let us take it step by step, first by explaining the notion of what “goodstuff” means. “Goodstuff”, used in the context of card games, is a strategy or type of playstyle that doesn’t adhere to the usual norms of having a normal win condition and trying to fullfill that condition every game. It practically means that we are a Jack-of-all-trades, but a master of none. Taking a look at our grade 3 line-up, this notion becomes all the more noticeable, as we dont really follow a coherent gameplan, rather we decide to play as many tools as possible in order to have the best chance of winning. Reading through these cards, we can already gleam at least three characteristics that set Tachikaze apart from all of the other clans in the game, with those key-words being: Equip gauge, which means placing the top card of your deck under one of your units as a “marker” or “indicator” that can be used in conjunction with various effects Retire, meaning getting rid of one of ours or one of our opponent’s rear-guard units. Excuse me for making such a long-winded introduction to what someone would innitially think is a fairly simple and easy to play deck, but understanding these concepts, as easy as they are for some, is an integral part of understanding the clan as a whole. That is very obvious with our main boss unit, Gigannoblazer. Gigannoblazer encapsulates the essence of Tachikaze perfectly. Not only does he possess a very strong advantage skill that helps facilitate very aggressive plays, but he also allows the Cardfighter that is using him to give a healthy 5k boost in the front row, allowing for magic numbers and choke-points to be hit in a much easier fashion. This is highlighted further by Terror Therizeeno, a strong back-up ride target, as well as a potent rear-guard unit. His skill might seem odd initially, but there is a lot of synergistic potential with his retiring skill, as he allows for dead columns that have already performed their attack to provide some value for you, both in forms of a draw and retiring a pesky unit your opponent may have. Opticerato is also fairly basic and simple. He’s a good call target that also functions well with the rest of the deck while attacking. A very simple and strong card, running a few copies wouldn’t hurt any Tachikaze deck. Savage Mercenary is an odd one. With a whopping 27k power, higher than any grade 3 in the game, you would think that his restrictive skill would stop him from being a gread addition, however, that is simply not the case. With a stupidly easy condition to fulfill, Mercenary becomes a very strong unit that cannot be blocked easily. Having a few copies in your deck as a simple and strong finisher is a must, as this card can easily steal wins from our opponents. All of these cards, while very strong, are also incredibly cost effective. If you were to buy a play-set of each card, meaning 4 copies of each individual grade 3, it would hardly set you back about 6 euros, which is a laughably low cost for such high impact units.

Moving on to the Grade 2 Units, we find ourselves in a very odd and unique predicament.

The grade 2 line-up for Tachikaze is, for a lack of a better term, completely pre-determined. This is not, however, a bad thing. It just means that the choices that we do have are both so powerful and inexpensive that they would usually find their home in the full competitive versions of these decks. The downside, though, is that the creative aspect gets a tiny bit stiffled, which is a small price to pay for such power-houses.

The grade 2 line-up is split amongst 4 very high impact units, those being:

Clearout Dragon, Sweeperacrocanto

Ravenous Dragon, Megarex

Turbo Smilodon

Regiment Dragon, Regiodon

[AUTO](RC)1/Turn:When it attacks a vanguard, put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for this unit. [CONT](RC):This unit gets [Power]+5000 for each of this unit's equip gauges, and if it has three or more equip gauges, it cannot be chosen by your opponent's card's abilities.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When it attacks a vanguard, COST [retire another rear-guard], and draw a card. If this unit is on (RC), COST [Counter Blast (1)], put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for this unit, and it gets [Power]+5000 until end of that battle for each gauge equipped to this unit.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When placed, or when it attacks a vanguard, you may put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for one of your rear-guards.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When it attacks, you may put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for one of your rear-guards. [AUTO]:When retired from (RC) by your card's ability, call up to one card from this unit's equip gauge to (RC). You may put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for that unit. This ability may only be used by a card with the same card name once a turn. There is a lot to unpack here. Simply put, both Sweeper and Megarex are insane cards, maybe unfair in the general landscape of budget deck-building. Sweeper gives himself an equip gauge on attack, and he gets 5k power and a removal dodge ability… on BOTH players’ turns. Meaning that, in the overwhelming majority of cases, on the first turn that sweeper is played, he is going to be a 19k-24k attacker that keeps his high numbers and is resistant to pretty much all forms of removal, apart from some unique cases. There was a point that this card was so good people were considering it as a possible candidate for a BAN. Couple that with its laughably low price point, at 50 cents each, and it’s no wonder why people still use this card in every possible build of Tachikaze, no exceptions. Megarex is a completely different beast entirely. His power-up skill is a bit more restrictive, but it follows the exact same path as sweeper, simply less efficient, while also being more susceptible to removal. He more than makes up for it, however, with his retire and draw skill, which is completely free and works perfectly with the rest of the clan. Another thing to note is that he is insanely cheap, an entire playset of him going for about 1 euro and 20 cents. There is not a lot to be said about Turbo Smilodon, he’s a grade 2 version of Opticalcerato, a card we briefly discussed in the grade 3 section. Smilodon is, also, quite an expensive card. In the time of me writing this, we still dont know what the reprint price for him is from the new Revival Collection set, so for now he is sitting at a comfortable 1 euro and 50 cents per copy. If he’s not readily available, then running the grade 3 Optic is suggested as a replacement. Regiodon is also quite simple. A lot of skills in Tachikaze require the retiring of a rear-guard to be activated, and Regiodon is an excellent card, working as not only fodder for the rest of the team, but also as a multi-attack engine, if placed on an Accel marker. A lot of utility as well as a little bit of extra oomph for your combo turn.

The grade 2 line-up was a million times better than anticipated, but with that, it is now time to move along to the grade 1 line-up. The grade 1 line-up, to a certain extend, has also been solved, however a bit more of a creative spin can be put in it if any Cardfighter feels like experimenting.

There are several key budget units to consider right off the bat, those units being:

Fierce Claw Dragon, Laceraterex

Full Speed Dragon, Bluesprint

Angry Roar Dragon, Roarbaryo

Sonic Noa

[AUTO](RC):When placed from hand, put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for this unit. [AUTO]:When it is retired from (RC), COST [Soul Blast (1)], and return up to one gauge equipped to this unit to your hand.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When it attacks, you may put one card from the top of your deck face down as an equip gauge for one of your rear-guards. [AUTO]:When retired from (RC) by your card's ability, call up to one of this unit's equip gauges to (RC). You may put one card from the top of your deck face down as an equip gauge for that unit. This ability may only be used by a card with the same card name once a turn.

[AUTO](RC):When placed, COST [Soul Blast (1)], put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for one of your other rear-guards, and that unit gets [Power]+5000 until end of turn for each of its equip gauges.

[AUTO](RC):When it boosts a rear-guard, put the top card of your deck face down as an

equip gauge

for the boosted unit.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When its attack or the attack that it boosted hits a vanguard, COST [retire one other rear-guard], and draw a card.

The grade 1 line-up, just like the grade 2 line-up, is also quite excellent. We have more and more cards that fulfill our win-condition and allow us to have options no matter what the current board-state is.

An overwhelming amount of utility and value comes from both Bluesprint and Laceraterex, 2 cards that don’t only gauge themselves but also allow us to get even more value from our retires, both from a card-advantage, in the case of Laceraterex, and a potent multi-attack engine, in the case of Bluesprint.

Roarbaryo, however, is just pure damage output. With the cost of just one soul he can make a unit not only get an equip gauge for future usage, but also gives a boost that can range from just 5k, to 25k in the case of Sweeper. Overall a very simple and strong card. The 3 cards discussed above will not set you back more than 2 euros for a playset of all of them.

Sonic noa is a special case. He is a bit pricier and harder to come by compared to the previous cards that we discussed, but his effect more than makes up for it. Sonic Noa is our decks’ WHOLE game-plan, condenced into one card. Equip gauges, self-retire, card draw, he does it all and he does it very well. A playset of him will set you back about 2 euros but he’s getting reprinted in the next revival collection, so picking him up won’t be a difficult task in the coming weeks.

Example decklist

This particular list is not only very cheap and strong, but it’s also an excellent investment for future Tachikaze builds, if you wish to stick with this particular clan.

GRADE 3

4x Gigannoblazer

2x Terror Therizeeno

2x Opticalcerato

1x Savage Mercenary

GRADE 2

4x Sweeper

3x Megarex

3x Turbo Smilodon

2x Regiodon

GRADE 1

4x Roarbaryo

4x Sonic Noa

2x Bluesprint

2x Laceraterex

GRADE 0

x1 Starting Vanguard

x4 Draw Perfect Guards

x4 Heals

x8 Front Triggers

(Please keep in mind that these lists are made with the Budget Constraints first, as well as what is the most optimal ratio of cards depeding on their availability in Greece. All of these prices and lists are subject to change, but keeping the price low is the number 1 priority.)

Final Price: ~19 Euros

Closing thoughts and Special thanks

While this particular Budget profile wasn’t as long as the Previous one, I feel like I did a good enough job at showcasing one of the least appreciated clans out there, and I hope I assisted you in finding a new and interesting deck or playstyle. As a massive tachikaze fan (one of my top 5 favorite clans), this deck was a joy to playtest and write about.Special thanks to my friend Dimitri, who without him this Budget Profile wouldn’t have existed, as well as a special thanks to my close friends for reading through the previous post, even though they don’t know a single thing about Vanguard.That’s all for now, Cardfighters ! If you have read this far, thank you so much for your time and attention. Have a wonderful rest of your day ! Bloom aka thebudgetgarden (if you have any questions, feel free to contact my discord account: Bloom#8890)

#cardfight!! vanguard #vanguard #budgetdecks #tachikaze #cardgame #tabletop #cards

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hedgefairy · 4 years

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So I'm stuck in Berlin, which, you know, it could be worse, but I really wanted to edit that 18th century breeches video. Anyhoo, now I have time and nothing else to do, so here's

Bridgerton, Episode 2

Missed Ep. 1? Here you go.

We start off with a birthing scene, is it the Dukey? It's the Dukey! Daddy Duke does some patriarchal screaming and Mummy Duke promptly dies, because of course she does, we can't have a happy childhood for the brooding hero, c'mon!

Dukey also has a mistress (present day Dukey, not baby Dukey). Is that Opera Girl? I have real problems telling these people apart, especially the Bridgerbros. I somewhere read that it's something that features extensively in the books, them always getting confused for one another, but in the series it just comes off as "these guys all look alike". Make it a plot point or something, but without it being acknowledged on screen this just screams "we didn't know how to make white brown-haired Regency bros look distinct"...

Where, Dreadlock Gent Extra in the background again!

I'm just not a fan of the colour coding between Dukey and Daphne, she basically does a Wendy Darling closet cosplay (don't get me started on that stupid hair... Yet) and he's all dark colours, it's all light female, dark male, even with their overall colouring (her being whiter than brioche and he being a POC) and character (she's a perfect angel and he's super broody) and I just don't dig it. Give me interesting shit, not this obvious sleeping aid! Also, Daphne doesn't even wear a spencer, girl, it doesn't look like it's that hot outside and you look like you're able out in your nighty.

Notes say "Horrid Featherington dresses, the spoon is def. not silver", which yes, antagonist fashion, and ffs, send the underpaid intern who didn't go get strappy shift Ersatz tops to a thrift store for some decent silverware. I can lend you some of mine, but ugh, really, its not that hard. The budget was obviously there.

Do we finally get plot? Eloise the Spirited goes walking with Penny and her hair just... isn't,and yes, she wants to go to uni (of course, because she's not like other girls™, don't get me wrong, YES, but I'm a bit tired of modern ideas being shoehorned into historcal settings because there is so much cool historical feminism and equality discourse and I'd love to see some of that in mainstream-ish popular culture), but Penny is very preoccupied with Cousin's pregnancy.

Of course Daphne's and Dukey's super clever ruse works like a charm, tons of suitors flock to Daphne's parlour. Lord B (you remember, her super asympatico brother who is a straight-up hypocrite) is super agitated about it.

Is that Dreadlock Gent in with the suitors?

Lord B continues to be a bitch about Horrid Suitor™ (who still has a broken nose which I very much approve of).

Oooh, shirtless boxing! AND gossip! Enter Lord B(itch) who of course wants to throw hands with Dukey. I really like Dukey's boxing bro, and the breeches. I want those! Well, I kinda made some, but the notes are from when I was just making them, so, err, yes. The notes also say "bad defense work, boring footwork" and I'm not sure if I meant Dukey or Lord B, but let's just assume it's both.

More Baby Dukey flashbacks! Daddy Duke sucks. So. Much. Let him kick an actual puppy already, we get it. Fun fact: When I hear Hastings (which is Dukey's last name, but I didn't bother remembering) I automatically think of the battle.

Yay, Penny visits cousin who's all rapunzeled up in her room for being pregnant. Turns out, lol, she got knocked up because church was so boring she started flirting with a guy and they totally hit it off (I'm not sure if it's canon, but I like to think they got it on in one of those confession boxes - idk if that's the term, I'm not catholic - or behind the organ or something juicy like that). Oh god, I hope they don't kill off the baby daddy because he's a soldier.

I refuse to believe in the existence of those high heels on the feet of that acrobat.

Lady B gets invited by the Queen and elatedly let's Daphne wear the family diamonds.

I just noticed that it's just Gossip Girl meets Pride & Prejudice. Ugh. I mean, that could have been a really good thing, but no.

Cool Old Lady™ (aka. Lady Danbury) calls Dukey out for dressing so drably. I like her.

"Make yourself terrifying" is a fucking cool piece of advice.

Oh, look, Dukey and Daphne are having fun while Horrid Suitor™ looks on, and Lord B tries to intervene like the little bitch that he is. Turns out Horrid Suitor™ is horrid inside and out and still insists that Daphne basically contractually belongs to him and I just don't have enough middle fingers for that shit.

We get another flashback of how horrible Daddy Duke is.

So the two women who are not into the whole (tiringly chemistry-free) romance thing are Eloise and Penny, one of whom walks like she's trying to emulate a seventy-year old with back problems and the other is the only non-thin person on screen aside from Horrid Suitor™ (and of him I suspect that it's to underline how very unattractive he's supposed to be). It feels all a bit very caricature-ish?

Horrid Suitor™, who has a shiner now from both Daphne and Dukey (I approve), tries to blackmail his way into marriage. It's just so laughably evil? What's this subtlety thing people keep talking about?

Wait, Eloise smokes? Yay! I mean, I don't encourage that, but in this case it's actual rebellion against the perceived ideal woman. Also, it explains her voice. Also, middle Bridgerbro gets a fucking line! WTF! I wasn't prepared for this! Their interaction is really sweet, I think its my favourite so far in the entire series.

Is the portly guy at court meant to be George IV? He's not. Aww. Also, cocain and/or snuff. Queen Charlotte is being ominous and braggy.

Enter Horrid Suitor™'s mum for gossip, because of course he's not only unsightly, of bad character, a sexual harrasment on legs and all the stuff, he's also a mama's boy. Which is bad, I suppose, because it implies unmanliness and being soft, which has so many unfortunate implications in itself. Ugh.

Cousin gets a line!

Eloise feat. bad "tomboy" hair (I feel personally attacked for some reason) and Daphne have a conversation about how they are super traumatised by their mother giving birth to their siblings.

Some of the background dresses look really bad.

Dukey and Daphne switch to first names, that's SO ROMANTIC! Aaah, the chemistry! (no.)

Ooooh, so Dukey not marrying is his revenge against Daddy Duke. His bloodline dies with him. Also, he just hadn't met Protagonist Girl yet, so it would have been such a waste, right?

And this concludes Ep. 2, which had surprisingly little in terms of annotations. I could delve more into the unfortunate implications of Horrid Suitor™ being a mama's boy but I'm still writing all of this on my phone and I need a break. So,

To be Continued.

Probably soon, because the trains still aren't going.

#Bridgerton #Hedgewatch #Stuck in Berlin #Berlinstuck #Maybe it's better on drugs?#Bridgerbore

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smbinfostation · 4 years

Video

youtube

Super Mario Bros. Ice Capades - 1989

To commemorate the SMBIS’s 20th anniversary, here’s the infamous Mario Ice Capades video in high quality. Enjoy!

Original commentary from October 17, 2003

On Thursday, December 7, 1989, ABC presented an Ice Capades special on TV, hosted by Alyssa Milano (of Who's The Boss fame) and Jason Bateman (Silver Spoons; Valerie, Arrested Development). The show had many famous and talented figure skaters, music numbers and comedy acts, including segments featuring Barbie and the Super Mario Bros. This happens to be the 50th Anniversary of the Ice Capades that they taped, as the programs that the hosts and the audience had, with the Mario Bros and Barbie on the back. (The 50th Anniversary Ice Capades Barbie was released at this time also.) When the segment begins, the hosts are backstage when they spot some random people playing Super Mario Bros. Alyssa mentions that she's never played videogames before (*gasp*) and Jason brags to her that he is a master of Nintendo, proclaiming himself to be the "Video Prince." Then he tells her about the plot of Super Mario Bros. [It's interesting to mention that Jason refers to King Koopa as Bowser, because the entire show after this just calls him King Koopa.]

As they talk, they are interrupted when the monitor starts flickering and doing crazy stuff. Jason, who apparently know everything about Nintendo, states that it's a computer virus, which will, and I quote, "release all the evil forces stored up in the computer." @_@ Um...OK, "Mr. Video Prince", whatever you say. Then, who pops up? Yes, it's good ol' King Koopa (NOT Bowser!), played by the late 80's sitcom star Christopher Hewett, a.k.a. Mr. Belvedere. Koopa has released the virus and threatens to take over the world. His plan is very laughable at best, as it implies that a NES can be used to infect computers with deadly viruses, which probably can't happen. That, and he says he doesn't really want the world, but does it anyway because he loves causing trouble. It's nice to have hobbies, I guess.

The Mario set is decent enough. It looks like a 3-D version of the 8-bit SMB1, with pixelated clouds and trees in the background and a castle in the middle. However, it looks way better than what Mr. Hewett had to wear. His costume is very tacky and ugly. He doesn't even have anything over his face, just horribly applied green face paint around his moustache. His horns looked like dangly jesters' bells and he's wearing horrible plaid pants and a geeky red bow tie. On top of that, he's riding on a moving castle. You know the forts at the end of each level of SMB1? Yep, he's roving about on the ice on a castle. o.O

Koopa calls out his minions to destroy different computer parts that NES's don't have, including 2 Green Koopa Troopas, 2 miscolored white Goombas, 1 Hammer Bro (two Troopas and only ONE Hammer Brother?), a Red Paratroopa and a Spiny. The baddies' costumes were based on their official Nintendo designs, though they looked very non-threatening and somewhat cuddly-looking. The Goombas and the Spiny, about a meter or so tall, do seem to be radio-controlled, or have skaters crouched or something inside them. After this, Koopa pompously sings about how evil he is, with his baddies dancing around him...wearing plaid pants...on a moving castle...oooookaaay. Mr. Hewett had a very cultured, polite-sounding British accent, not like Cartoon Koopa's voice at all. He sang pretty well, but the lyrics were shallow and kinda childish. The song is short, thankfully, and only proves that Koopa can create plans for world domination much better than he can sing silly egotistical songs. After this, we see the Princess Toadstool (can't call her Peach yet, as this is still 1989, or all time and space will unravel around us and disappear), who has a huge, horrid mascot-like head and a cliché Mae West-ish Hollywood voice, off to the side with her subjects of plumber pawns with her. Another note is that the Princess's costume is based on the official Nintendo design; she has blond hair, instead of red/brown from the cartoons. Princess Pea....Toadstool, helpless to stop Koopa, then summons the Mario Bros., who for some reason arrived from the sky with the help of their trusty support wires. @_@ [Here's something I just noticed: In the scene when the Princess talks to her people before she calls the Bros. from the heavens, you can see the Marios behind her, with their backs turned to the audience. Sloppy editing.] After being briefed on the situation by Princess, Mario and Luigi, with their very stereotypical Italian accents and oversized, misshapened mascot heads, protect the Maiden in Distress from the horrible men in Koopa Troopa suits. The Princess helps out by sending out carts containing kids from the audience to assist the Bros. Koopa then scoffs at the Marios for sending children to do a man's job. So, one by one, Koopa sends out his legions of dumpy villains to defeat the Bros. However, Luigi dons his airgun/cardboard box out of nowhere and mercilessly kills each bad guy with sparkler blasts that are later added in. The effect of the baddies dying is just crude and leaves one to think how it'll work without the superimposed TV special effects of them just fading away and disappearing to low-budget heaven. Koopa, realizing that his army of extras is failing him, decides to attack the Bros. himself on his mobile fortress with his Spiny. The Marios and the children in the carts surround Koopa, totally ignoring Spiny altogether from the onslaught of death and sparkly insanity. After Mario spouts a remarkably bland joke/pun, the children vanquish the Koopa King with their big foam wrenches and dirty plungers in a blast of sparklers. Cheesey fanfare music plays afterwards, proclaiming the death of the Koopa King, as the children are returned back to the audience, without getting any complementary gift for being a part in the show.

In the end, the Princess, who now just looks like a giant, mutated blow-up doll, congratulates the Marios by giving them the "Purple Plunger for Bravery" or "The Incredibly Cheap Cardboard Hero Prize.". Then, the Bros. have a disgraceful squabble about bragging rights. Note that in all this, Mario does absolutely NOTHING to help out. Luigi killed all the minor foes and commanded the children to kill Koopa. Lazy, lazy Mario... Backstage, the monitor that the hosts were watching all this goes back to normal, then for no reason, Alyssa announces that she wins the game by default, although she doesn't even play it at all, leaving "Jason the Video Prince" in a stupor.

----

More research led me to a site belonging to a Mr. Michael Baroto, a costume designer who made these all the characters for the show, including the baddies, the Bros. and Peach. Apparently, he had only 3 months to make three sets of ten costumes, as well as two other costumes for another show. Seeing that he had to make 30 costumes in the short a time span, this would explain why the Marios and Peach looked so rushed. They don't do his talents justice, however, as his other works, including puppets, dolls and marionettes, are very creative and well-made. There are production photos of the Mario costumes in the previous link. If you ever get to read this, Mr. Baroto, please don't take my negative comments personally. ^^;;;;;;

Here's something I just noticed after watching this over again. Apparently, they deviated from what they'd usually do at a live show and made it extra special for the TV show by adding those "special" effects and camera angles. Also, they taped this when the audience wasn't present, as the seating couldn't been seen at all. They do show some stock footage of people watching all this and laughing at the bad puns, and of the kids getting out of the carts when the show was over, never getting compensated with gifts and whatnot for killing off the "mighty" King Koopa.

However, doing this just made the show worse, as there were obvious editing mistakes. For example, you can see enemies that were killed off later hanging about off to the side when the children return to the audience. In another instance, right at the end, you can see a lone boy sitting on the ice in the background playing with a wrench behind Princess Toadstool before she hands out the awards. Then he disappears in the next shot. And let's not forget the earlier example of the Marios already on stage before they arrive from the sky. Very very sloppy, even for late 80's television. Of course, this was a time when little kids wouldn't care less if the show was crappy or not. It had Mario, and that's all that mattered.

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dontenchantme · 4 years

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garden of eden - part one

Rated E, Satan x MC - eventual smut and mature themes.

[no rad au] he was the serpent who had lured her out of paradise. she ought to hate him, but she didn't.

fics masterlist

It had been a long day at work, and she was exhausted.

Her boss had dumped a new project on her today. With very little context and a teammate notorious for delivering haphazard work, she had no idea how she was going to meet the two-week deadline, and honestly, she was stressing out.

It didn’t help that HR sent an email about their performance bonuses, and despite the long hours and the hard work she put in the past year, her bonus was laughable. Meanwhile, the aforementioned teammate got a promotion and a pay raise even though he hadn’t done anything of importance. He didn’t even lead a project!

She was pretty sure it was because he was fucking around with their boss’ superior. Men sucked. The company sucked. She should just resign from her damn job.

Her head was pounding as she leant against the wall, waiting for the lift to reach her floor. She hoped her boyfriend had remembered to heat last night’s leftovers. If he couldn’t even get that right, she might have a meltdown.

There was a ding and the doors slid open. She stepped out of the lift, reaching up to knead her shoulder – she could feel the tension underneath her fingers, and she thought it might be a good idea to schedule a massage. She’d have to take a look at her budget for this month. There was a really good place down the street…

Her thoughts trailed away when she noticed an unfamiliar pair of heels outside her apartment. Immediately suspicious, she took out her phone and checked her texts – nothing from her friends, nothing from her boyfriend either. But…maybe she was wrong? Maybe she was overthinking? Her heart thudded in her chest as she took out her key, slowly unlocking the front door. Luckily, she had just oiled the hinges, and the door opened without a sound.

The first thing she heard when she stepped inside the apartment was the sound of a woman moaning, and she froze on the threshold, unable to move, unable to think. She could barely even breathe. A second later, the moan became a breathless cry, and then she heard the woman call her boyfriend’s name.

Suddenly seized by blinding, overwhelming rage, she stormed in the direction of the master bedroom, where she shared a bed with her good-for-nothing boyfriend and threw open the door to see him pounding into a woman wearing her favourite silk robe. Both of them turned to look at her, their eyes wide.

She didn’t say a word. She just reached for the nearest object, which happened to be a hairbrush, and threw it at her boyfriend. He yelped, jumping away from the bed, just barely missing the brush. She took her bag off her shoulder and began swinging it wildly, trying her best to hit him while the woman screamed and crawled back against the pillows, attempting to cover herself with the blanket.

“You’re crazy!” he shouted, scrambling away from her as she aimed the bag at his head. She saw his limp dick flopping around and she would very much like to cut it off, but luckily for him, there was nothing sharp in the vicinity. “You’re fucking insane!”

“You were the one cheating on me with her!” she screamed, opening her bag and throwing the items inside at him – he narrowly dodged a black binder and a tube of lip balm. “You’re a useless piece of shit, you can’t even hold down a job and now you decide to go around sticking your dick in whatever hole you can find? I should just kill you!”

“Oi! Murder is illegal!” he yelled back, but she was beyond reasoning at this point – she couldn’t even direct her anger at the other woman, she was so sick and tired of giving all the time and never getting anything in return. This was the last straw.

“I am going to kill you.” She shot the woman a look. “Take that off and get the fuck out of here.” The woman hastily disrobed and gathered up her clothes, running out of the room – when her boyfriend tried to slip past her while she was distracted, she reached out and grabbed his wrist, filled with a sudden strength she didn’t even know she possessed. “Who said you’re allowed to leave?” she snapped.

“Babe, it was a mistake, I swear it didn’t even mean anything.” He tried to explain, but she was in no mood for his excuses today. It had been a shitty, tiring day and all she wanted after work was a nice warm meal and maybe some time to unwind and catch up with her favourite shows. But of course, this day had to get even worse.

“You thought I was coming home late tonight and decided to fuck someone else in our bed,” she said, her fingers tightening around him. He tried to pull away, but she was so angry that she didn’t even notice him struggling. “You know, I heard when cats and dogs get neutered, they lose their sex drive. Maybe I should neuter you too.”

“H-hey, don’t get any funny ideas. I’m sorry, okay? I know I fucked up!” He sounded panicky, but she just smiled, marching out of the room with him in tow. The woman was already gone from the living room – thankfully for her because she didn’t know what she might have done if she was still around. “Oi! Stop! This isn’t a fucking joke!”

She stopped and turned to stare at him. “So, our relationship is a joke, then?” she asked, keeping her voice as cool and neutral as possible. The rage still boiled within her, and it took everything she had to not lunge forward and wrap her hands around his scrawny throat. Asshole. “The allowance I give you, the meals I cook for you, the time I try to spend with you even though you know how busy I am – all this is a joke?”

“No, I appreciate you, babe, I do. But you’re taking things way too seriously,” he babbled, seemingly convinced that he could talk his way out of this. “You know what it’s like being an artist! You need to get inspiration from all kinds of sources!”

“Oh, right! Inspiration! From cheating on your loyal girlfriend of eight years!”

She tried to drag him to the kitchen where all the knives were so she could make good on her promise to neuter him, but he latched onto the couch and refused to budge, so in the end, they just ended up screaming at each other and she told him to get the hell out of the apartment and never come back.

He grabbed a towel hanging off the back of a chair and wrapped it around his waist, running out without a second glance. She glared at his back and slammed the door, then leant against the wall, squeezing her eyes shut and pinching the bridge of her nose. What a shitty day. Now that he was gone, the anger felt so…hollow.

She was still angry. Not just at him, but at herself for being so trusting. For giving in all the time. Her friends told her that he was an asshole, and she always defended him because…well, they’d been together since high school and it just felt like the right thing to do. She loved him, and he loved her. Or at least she thought he did.

If she had to be honest, she knew their relationship was a complete mess. Ever since he graduated from college, he kept telling her that he would find his big break, that his art would be displayed in museums all over the world someday. But all she saw him do was laze around at home; once in a while he’d work on some project that he would then abandon in the living room. His only saving grace was that he did help with the rent, though usually, his contributions didn’t make up even a third of the amount they needed.

But it was so much easier to just stay in a lousy relationship than to be single. It was nice to come home to someone, and anyway, she never had the time to put up an ad for another roommate. Not that she had a choice now, anyway. There was no way she could afford to pay the rent on her own.

Opening her eyes, she walked to the kitchen, deciding to heat the leftovers from last night’s dinner. She was pretty sure that asshole didn’t listen to her request this morning, but whatever. She was used to men letting her down anyway.

But before she stepped into the kitchen, she heard the sound of glass breaking and she froze – was there someone inside? Did that woman not leave the apartment? She just wanted to have a meal and some alone time. It wasn’t a complicated wish, so why did life keep testing her? She was about this close to snapping.

“If you’re still here, I recommend you get the fuck out –” Her tongue stopped working when she entered the kitchen and saw, instead of the asshole’s side chick or whatever the hell she was, a blond man with bright green eyes that almost glowed. He was leaning against the countertop, watching her expectantly, almost as though he knew she would come into the kitchen. As though he was waiting for her.

“Who are you?” Her mouth felt disconnected from her brain. Her mind was going at a million miles per hour – should I call the police? How did he get in here? Is he the asshole’s friend? No, I don’t think I’ve seen him before. Is he a robber? I don’t even own anything of value. Then one final thought – he’s too beautiful to be human.

The stranger tilted his head, smiling at her – it was a warm, pleasant smile, but there was something off about it, and she felt a shiver run down her back. He took a step away from the counter, and suddenly everything within her was screaming at her to get out, to get away from him, but she was rooted to the spot. He approached her with all the feline grace of a big cat cornering its prey, and unbidden thoughts of her family sprang to mind. She wondered if she would ever get to see them again.

He was dangerous. “You don’t know who I am?” he asked, shaking his head a little. “You were the one who summoned me, though. With that delicious rage of yours. It would be so very, very nice,” he whispered, “if you could take this knife and just run it through him, wouldn’t it?” The man held out a hand and she watched, amazed as an ornate dagger materialised on his palm, its hilt encrusted with sparkling jewels.

“It’s a cursed dagger,” he explained, noticing her interest. “It grants one true death by disintegrating both the body and the soul, thus ensuring its victims cannot go to either Heaven or Hell. It’s the loneliest, most cruel of punishments. But he deserves it, doesn’t he?” His voice softened into a croon, almost melodious. “You were far too good for him. He didn’t understand what he had, couldn’t appreciate the effort you put into supporting him and his career. Instead, the moment your back was turned, he found another woman and took her in your bed. The shame.”

He had an enchanting voice. So mesmerising, just like him. His green eyes glittered, and her feet moved of their own accord, bringing her closer to the beautiful man – her hand reached for the dagger, its sharp blade singing to her. “The shame,” she echoed, the rage and resentment she had bottled up for so long bubbling within her. “He deserves it. He does. After everything I’ve done for him.”

She didn’t know if she was agreeing with the man or if she was trying to convince herself. The man looked at her steadily, silently daring her to take the blade from his palm. She hesitated over the hilt, her fingers trembling. It was a stunning thing, deadly but gorgeous. Much like its owner, who held it out to her with a placid smile on his face. It would be ridiculously simple to just reach out and grab it. But she was shaking.

“What do you want in return?” she asked. It was too strange, too good to be true. He was too perfect, and she reminded herself that men couldn’t be trusted.

He chuckled. “You’re perceptive, aren’t you?” Then he paused. “I don’t blame you for being cautious. But you know perfectly well who I am. You’ve simply forgotten.”

He sounded so disappointed. She shouldn’t feel guilty – she truly had never seen this man before – but for some reason, she felt terrible about not recognising him. “Just close your eyes and think,” he whispered, stepping so close that he filled up her vision – she tipped her head back and stared at him, her breath frozen in her lungs. “If you pray hard enough, the answer might come back to you.”

If she prayed. Was he an angel? No, probably not – he looked like one, but there was a distinct aura of danger around him, one that didn’t seem angelic at all. Yet she felt compelled to listen to him, and she closed her eyes, wondering what to pray for. His distinctive scent wafted around her. Smoky, like burning wood, but there was something sensual too, a musky kind of smell that made her toes curl. Something stirred within her, something mysterious and foreign and exciting.

She felt slender fingers rest gently on her cheek. “That’s right. You’re an obedient girl, aren’t you?” he murmured. She could feel his cool breath against her ear, and she shivered, a sigh escaping her lips. “Your soul recognises me. Tell me, what is my name?”

“Satan.” A demon’s name. But saying it didn’t feel wrong at all. As his name left her mouth, she felt something lurch within her and she gasped. Her body felt like it was on fire – her eyes flew open and she reached forward, curling her fingers in his shirt. He watched her, amusement dancing in his piercing green eyes, and he didn’t resist in the slightest when she pulled his face down, forcing her lips against his.

She had to tiptoe and crane her neck just to reach him, but in return, his kiss was brutally punishing – his hand seized the back of her head and she moaned when he leant into her, his fingers pulling at her hair, forcing her to keep her head tilted. He was rough, alternating between deep, bruising kisses and actual biting, but there was something so freeing, so satisfying about how angry the kiss was. How it was nothing like the languid kisses she usually exchanged with her jerk of a boyfriend.

He brought her to life, and she could feel the rage that had been simmering all this time within her exploding, her fingers scrabbling underneath his shirt, her nails raking his back. He hissed and stopped pulling on her hair, and she was mildly disappointed for a moment, but the next thing she knew his fingers were wrapped around her throat and she was choking and struggling, her eyes rolling back in her head.

She couldn’t breathe, she was delirious, and maybe he might kill her, but she felt so alive. “Fuck you,” she managed to spit out, and she heard him laugh before he let go of her and she stepped back from him, wheezing. Her lips felt tender, and she could feel the imprint of his hand around her neck. But there was something within her that was drawn to him, something that told her to go back, to provoke him, to see how far he’d let her go next time. What would he look like when he was angry?

“You’re delightful.” His eyes gleamed, and she thought about how gorgeous they were, reflecting the fluorescent kitchen light. “Of all the sins you could have fallen into, you chose mine…I’m sure you’ll be a very entertaining human.”

He carefully placed the dagger on the counter – her gaze flitted to it, then back to him, waiting for him to say something. “Treat this as a favour, human. In exchange for that little kiss. You can think about whether or not you’d like to act on your urges – if you turn away, you still have a chance to save your soul. If not…” He shrugged, leaving the words unspoken. She understood what he meant.

“Why are you warning me?” she demanded. Her voice sounded choked still, almost breathless, and her fingers fluttered up to her throat. “Don’t you want to tempt me to sin? You’re a demon.” And demons tortured the souls of sinners in Hell.

Satan laughed. “You amuse me. No other reason. But if you would rather keep your precious soul safe…” He reached for the dagger, and she immediately lunged for it, wrapping her fingers around the hilt. It was strangely warm, and the jewels seemed to pulsate with a mysterious energy. He met her gaze, raising an eyebrow.

“No. I’ll keep it. Just in case. I need time to think about it.” She couldn’t let go of the soft, tempting whispers he baited her with, the promise that she could kill the ones who betrayed her, that she could give them a fate crueller than death itself – he had provided her with an extremely powerful weapon and she’d be an idiot to give it up just like that. “How long do I have to consider?” she asked.

“Take as long as you’d like.” Satan shrugged. “I’m in no hurry. And neither are you, I suspect.” He looked her square in the eyes and smiled – she shivered. She could sense the danger that lurked behind that genial expression. “But it’d be best not to wait for too long. Wrath is impatient, you see. Once you let those embers of rage fade away, the blade you hold now will be rendered useless. Keep that in mind.”

“Thank you for the advice.” She paused, and the man waited, as though he knew she wasn’t done speaking to him. She chewed her lip, then finally decided to raise the question on her mind. “What if I want to see you again?”

“That’s simple. Just get angry.” He reached for her, tilting her chin with one finger, and she shivered at his touch. “I’m the Avatar of Wrath, and I hide deep within the shadows of hatred. I appear to those consumed by their rage, to those who believed one time too many in unfulfilled promises. Call my name and perhaps I’ll come to you.”

He leant down and brushed his lips against hers, a brief kiss far gentler than the one that came before. Her eyes widened, and he pulled back – he whispered her name in a voice like honey and sin and at the very next moment, he was gone, leaving behind nothing but the smell of flames and the memory of his fingers on her skin.

Oh, and also the dagger. She glanced at the bejewelled blade, wondering what to do with it. The jewels twinkled under the kitchen light, and she studied the polished metal – it was pitch-black, and it seemed to shimmer as she moved it around.

Maybe this was a dream. After a long day filled with bad news, she finally snapped and dreamt up this entire scenario featuring a weirdly hot demon with a voice that made her want to sin, and eyes that seemed to draw out her very soul…yeah, she had to be dreaming. Weren’t demons supposed to be ugly creatures with wings and tails and pitchforks? He looked like a regular human. Albeit a really hot one.

The dagger felt uncomfortably solid, though. Carefully grasping the hilt, she took it out of the kitchen, heading back to her bedroom. She placed the dagger in one of her drawers and kept it away. Out of sight, out of mind. Maybe it’d be gone when she woke up. Her stomach growled then, and she winced. Right. She had forgotten about the leftovers.

She prepared to leave the room, but she walked past the dresser on her way out and she couldn’t help but pause. She glanced into the mirror, wanting to reassure herself that everything was fine, that nothing had changed. But then she blinked and stared at her reflection.

Her reflection looked back at her, and she slowly reached for it, tracing the purplish marks that blossomed across her neck. They were shaped just like fingerprints.

#satan obey me #satan x mc #obey me #obey me shall we date

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dabookwormcat · 5 years

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@ds-sanders-sides well, wrote a small 2 am drabble, here you go

Roman woke up to humming.

It almost wasn’t there, so soft and low. So quiet, it filled the entire room. It was comforting in way, but also on the edge of unsettling…. Was that Billie Elishe? He had no way of telling, but something told him that the style was similar...

Roman remembered full well the happenings of the night before. In all honesty, he knew it was risky, going out alone to capture his nemesis. He was little too cocky. But could you blame him? He was the Prince, the undefeated hero of the city! There was no reason he would fail!

That failure to succeed, of course, explained why he was tied to this chair.

He was striped of all of his superhero gear. Should have guessed. If there’s anything Deceit had proven, it was that he wasn’t a fool. He was extravagant, yes (though not more so than Roman), but not an idiot. In fact, he was so good at what he did as a villain, Roman hadn’t been able to catch him until now.

Wait- it was the other way around.

Roman started to scan his surroundings, ever the superhero he was. He was expecting a basement, or maybe hidden attic. While the room he was in did have the makings of an evil lair, it was less… er, well, harsh than the lairs he had been in before. It looked...used. There was a desk with plans strewn on it and a bulletin board with what looked like algebra nerd equations. There were several large machines, some of them running, and -was that a snake habitat? This was obviously Deceit’s room, not some prison he had constructed to hold Roman.

Maybe he was on a budget. That was probably it.

Roman almost didn’t notice the shuffling of feet towards him. Almost. He was a trained superhero after all, with very heightened senses.

Again, it was hauntingly and calmly quiet....

Maybe everything he did was quiet

Naturally, he saw Deceit, in full lab gear, sit down in a chair in front of him, slowly an elegantly. It was almost breathtaking how smoothly he moved. Roman felt as though he could watch him for days.

Deceit sat there a little while, studying him. Normally, Roman would have been horrified at this, but… this seemed ok. It was less of a checking-you-out stare and more of a what-kind-of-person-are-you thoughtful gaze. It was hard to describe.

Roman sat there, still, as Deceit continued to gaze and hum for quite some time, until Deceit made a move in the -not complete darkness, it was more of a comfortable dimness- to leave his seating place.

Roman did not like that outcome for some reason. Before he could stop himself, he said, “Who wrote that song?”

Deceit’s head tilted back towards him ever so slightly. “Oh, so you are awake.”

Oh.

He voice was hot.

Roman tried to keep himself together. He was a hero and he was not about to- nope, not going there. Not today, logic!

Deceit put his hand underneath his chin.“I was wondering if you were a light sleeper, seeing as you have quite the... eccentric senses. In all honesty, I’d thought you’d be exhausted by you’re..,” He paused again for dramatic effect, ”stupid hi-jinks. ridiculous antics. laughable attempts.” Deceit raised his eyebrows at him.“You know what I’m talking about, don’t you?”

Roman barely could croak out a “yEs,” in response. Oh good lord, his voice has heavenly. Or hell-like. Roman didn’t care at this point. Roman would do whatever it took to keep him talking.

“Oh, good.” Deceit stood up and slowly walked towards him. “For a moment I was afraid that I was mistaken about you.”

Roman, get your head out of the gutter. Don’t think about that messy hair of his. Don’t look at the lovely scar across his face. Don’t you even think about the lab coat.

Deceit’s voice came closer with him as he slowly stepped “I was afraid that so many months of hard work had gone to waste for a moment. Imagine that Roman! ..”

Any other words that Deceit said were lost in Roman’s brain. He had officially short circuited. Deceit’s voice washed over him, a constant wave of the sea, but with the consistency of honey..

Deceit was inches from his face. “...now, we couldn’t have that, could we?”

Roman shook his head dumbly. Oh, goodness, he was so close. So close. He could smell the honeysuckle soap and the engineering grit with so much clarity if hurt.

Deceit lifted Roman’s chin with what Roman now noticed was an ungloved hand,. Oh, no, even his skin felt soft. He couldn’t… He couldn’t survive this onslaught of sensations around him.

“Hmmmm….Maybe you aren’t useless after all.” The corners of his mouth twitched ever so slightly upward. That was all it took for Roman to melt.

Deceit pulled back and stood straight up again. “Well, I really must be going, with all of my evil villainy things to do. Perhaps in the future, if you prove yourself first of course, you could join me.” Deceit then promptly began to leave.

Roman didn’t know how the words came out, but suddenly he blurted, ”Who wrote that song that you were humming?”

Deceit chuckled a bit to himself. “That, my dear, Roman Sanchez,” using his identity to his full advantage, “is a question for another day.”

Deceit left the room, leaving Roman to wish for his senses back.

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onimiman · 5 years

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My Halloween 2019 Horror Movies

Starting on the last day of September, I had watched a horror movie (or something at least tenuously related to Halloween, such as this year's Joker having a dress-up motif) every day until All Hallows' Eve itself. The following is the list of all those movies, each accompanied by some personal thoughts on them (limited to 25 words or less); I would give each film a brief plot synopsis, but if you really want to know what each film is about, I suggest visiting IMDb. And since I started on September 30, the first film I watched is what I will classify as Film #0. Thus, here we go.

#0: Pet Semetary (1989) – Melodramatic when it comes to its handling of death and grief, but serviceable to its horror. Would recommend.

#1: Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988) – Hilarious over-the-top film that utilizes its clown gimmick to its fullest potential and never strives to be anything more. Definite recommendation.

#2: Klown Kamp Massacre (2010) – Even knowing that this movie plays to a niche audience, there were very few laughs garnered from this cynically dark horror-comedy. Recommend skipping.

#3: Stitches (2012) – A dark yet amusing horror-comedy with some heart, even if it is a little shallow. Light recommendation.

#4: Joker (2019) – Movie of the year. Brilliant performance from Joaquin Phoenix and an excellent change of pace to the superhero genre. Definite recommendation.

#5: Spawn (1997) – Mediocre film containing intriguing ideas that would have been presented much better with today's CGI technology. Doesn't excuse poor writing, though. Recommend skipping.

#6: Amusement (2008) – Serviceable horror film considering its low budget. Giving it the appearance of an anthology movie when it really wasn't was a nice twist. Light recommendation.

#7: Stephen King's Silver Bullet (1985) – The lack of melodrama here is refreshing from King and presents itself as a decent R-rated version of a Goosebumps episode. Definite recommendation.

#8: House (1986) – An interesting blend of a haunted house motif with Vietnam flashbacks provides this movie with an intriguing twist but offers little more substantive. Recommend skipping.

#9: Boogeyman (2005) – An interesting enough psychological thriller that gets ruined by the revelation of its titular antagonist and devolution to basic scares. Recommend skipping.

#10: The Doll (2016, Indonesian) – Something about the way this movie was filmed somehow robbed the film of any horror it tried to convey. Recommend skipping.

#11: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006) – Unless you're a fan of ludicrous amounts of gore, you'll find little more substantive to this prequel. Definite skip.

#12: Hatchet (2006) – A charming, if tonally disjointed, horror-comedy that acts as a love letter to slasher fans, but wouldn't do much for others. Recommend anyway.

#13: The Addams Family (2019) – An okay family movie that serves as a fitting tribute to this modern take on the titular family. Skip it anyway unless you have kids.

#14: ThanksKilling 3 (2012) – Like its predecessor from 2008, this is an abomination even to low-budget cinema. SKIP SKIP SKIIIIIP.

#15: Ghost House (2017) – A creepy psychological horror-drama that doesn't start off strong but does get better as it goes along. Light recommendation.

#16: The Strangers (2008) – A cynically nihilistic movie that makes me feel like I've wasted my time, and with little in the way of entertainment value, either. Skip it.

#17: The Doll 2 (2017) – Even with a story that makes more sense than its predecessor, there's still this intangible feeling of not being scared here. Skip.

#18: Zombieland: Double Tap (2019) – While not as good as its predecessor, this film is a fun and worthy successor. Recommend highly.

#19: Insidious (2010) – A creepy and atmospheric horror movie that I wish The Doll movies were. Recommend.

#20: Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013) – A worthy and organic followup to its predecessor that expands the mythology while making sense of things from the first film. Also recommend.

#21: Insidious: Chapter 3 (2015) – A decent prequel, but this one makes the world of the Further feel much more mundane than in the first two entries. Still recommend.

#22: Alien 2: On Earth (1980) – A laughably bad Italian horror movie made worse by implying that it's a sequel to 1979's Alien. Definite skip.

#23: The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018) – While there's less of a pessimistic element here than in its predecessor, the movie annoyed me with its protagonists' choices. Skip this, too.

#24: Sabrina (2018) – This felt better than The Doll or The Doll 2, but the ineffable sense of non-fear, while less present than before, is still noticeable. Skip.

#25: Scream 4 (2011) – A movie that's more annoying with its meta-commentary on the horror genre than the first two films, but slightly better than the third. Recommend anyway.

#26: The Shining (1980) – What can I say about this cinematic classic that hasn't already been said for decades? Recommend all the way!

#27: Feast (2005) – Annoying shaky-cam and disingenuous social politics make this a real chore to watch, even if you like gore. Skip.

#28: Nightmare City (1980) - A better bad Italian horror film than Alien 2, but still not worth watching (especially given the “It was all a dream” ending).

#29: Sleepy Hollow (1999) – A fantastically-made horror movie with comically macabre moments and a fitting atmosphere make this a definite recommend.

#30: Galaxy of Terror (1981) – A neat little psychological sci-fi horror here, but nothing we haven't already seen before or done better with higher budgets. Skip.

#31: All Hallows' Eve (2013) – Nice tribute to low-budget horror (especially by making it an anthology) and a fitting movie to watch on Halloween. Recommend.

I hope everyone had a good Halloween this year (because it rained in my neck of the woods, so it hasn't been the best for me). Here's to keeping this up for next year!

#halloween #halloween 2019 #horror films

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daisydoctor13 · 6 years

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Fic: All that glitters

Weekly Berena Fix 3: Jealousy

The annual Holby Stars Awards night was upon them and Bernie frowned. She didn’t like this sort of thing, long speeches and uncomfortable dresses. At least for this she was in a suit, rather than feeling like Marcus’ dolled-up arm candy. It was the only comfort she would have though, because she was about to spend the evening with Serena, no doubt looking beautiful and flirting with everyone.

It might not be with any intention on Serena’s part, but Bernie always felt a hot stab of jealousy whenever someone returned the favour, with a lecherous smile and a hand where it shouldn’t be. The only problem was, Bernie had absolutely no right to be jealous.

She kicked herself almost every day, for her line. “I think we should toast our undeniable sexual chemistry, and say no more about it.”

Like she could forget it ever happened. And now, somehow, she’d been talked into being Serena’s date for the evening. Well, she knew exactly how it had happened - she was incapable of denying that woman anything.

“What’s this then?” Serena peered over her shoulder at the card Bernie was frowning at.

“Invitation to Holby Stars. I think you’ve got one too,” she gestured to Serena’s side of the desk, where a similar envelope lay.

“The trauma unit has been nominated for an award,” she stated plainly but Serena grinned.

“That’s brilliant!”

“Not really,” Bernie grumbled. “It means I can’t have an excuse not to go.”

“Oh, come on, it will be fun! An evening to get dressed up, drink whatever wine the board have allowed on the budget. Let your hair down after a rough year. Anyway, I need a date. Ric’s my go to at these things but he’s rather smitten with Francoise at the moment.”

Bernie’s head flicked up at the word date, and Serena was looking at her so fervently. She had one last, weak attempt at refusal.

“What about Robbie?”

Serena’s face soured, and she glanced down.

“I, uh, I actually broke it off again. You know, nothing had really changed. Please, I could do with a drink and a dance and not mentioning his name.”

Bernie nodded, reluctant but buoyed by the recent revelation.

Serena’s new found single life was worse, Bernie had decided. She could have coped with her going back to the man she had loved, almost moved in with. The thought of seeing her talk to new potential flames made her sick, and she hated that feeling. It wasn’t like her, and it couldn’t be her if she was going to maintain this friendship without making a complete fool of herself.

The taxi pulled up and she slipped in to the back. Serena pressed a kiss to her cheek and she faltered, enraptured by her delicate perfume.

“it won’t be that bad, you know. At least it’s only people from the hospital, and the board members. Not like a fundraiser where you have to schmooze money out of people.”

Serena mistook her hesitation for being worried about the evening. She gave a tight smile and nodded, grateful for the excuse.

They arrived at the venue, and Serena shook off her jacket to leave in the cloakroom. Bernie stalled slightly at the sight, an off the shoulder deep blue gown which clung to her curves delightfully. The bodice was covered in delicate sparkles, which matched with the necklace and earrings, drawing Bernie’s eyes up over her neck. She was too stunned to notice that Serena’s eyes were similarly appreciating her well fitted blouse and slim, tapered trousers.

The meal was a bit of a blur, the AAU team were seated together and the conversation was flowing as freely as the wine. Bernie was glad she was trying to limit her intake a little when the awards were given and she was suddenly in the spotlight.

“And the winner of the Innovation category goes to Ms. Wolfe and the Trauma Unit on AAU,” Henrik announced, and the applause started, loudest on their table with Fletch leading some very loud whistling. Serena nudged her to stand and accept the award.

“Um, thank you. I don’t really know what to say, but I’ll keep it short, I know we all want to get to the bar. The team has worked so incredibly hard to make the unit a success and I’m very proud of you all. Trauma is a unique challenge and you’ve all risen to it so well,” she paused, searching out a face in the crowd and holding eye contact with a smile. “And Serena, this wouldn’t have happened without you. Thank you for your support, your belief in the unit and in me. It means more than you could possibly imagine.”

She ducked her head and returned to the table with the small plaque. She was gathered into a hug by Serena, but she didn’t miss the significant look passing between Fletch and Raf. She blushed slightly, hoping that her expressions of gratitude hadn’t been too overboard.

Bernie frowned into her drink as the man talking to Serena slipped a hand around her waist, guiding her towards the dance floor. For what felt like the hundredth time that evening, she told herself to stop being silly, but the way Serena was smirking at whatever had been murmured in her ear was leaving a sour taste in her mouth. She knocked back the whiskey but it didn’t help.

“Easy there Ms. Wolfe,” Dom appeared beside her as she indicated to the bartender for a refill. “Surely you’re not drowning your sorrows? Or are you working up the courage for something...or someone?”

Her eyes involuntarily flicked towards Serena, and Dom’s grin dropped. “Ah. Fancy a breath of fresh air?”

They moved out to the balcony and she leaned against it, breathing in the air to try and clear her head.

“So, you like Serena, huh?”

She nodded and sighed. “I think it’s a bit more than that, but I’ve shot myself in the foot.”

He looked at her questioningly. “You know, you can’t just assume she’s straight because she was married. I’ve always thought she might bat for both teams if you catch my drift.”

She let out a small chuckle and turned to him. He was an unlikely confidante, considering his love of gossip, but she trusted him.

“That’s not the problem, well, it sort of is. Look, you can’t tell anyone, I don’t want to embarrass her. We kissed, but I’m sure she regretted it and so we said no more about it and she’s moved on.”

“Really?”

“It was just emotions and we’d finished operating on Fletch and I don’t really know what came over me and”

“No, I mean, you really think she regretted it and has moved on?”

“Well, yes. Look.” She gestured to where they could see Serena, still dancing with the same man from before.

“She doesn’t look like she’s enjoying it as much as he is. And she keeps looking around. I bet you anything it’s for you.”

Bernie looked again, this time focusing on Serena, on how she was holding herself a little more formally, as if at work. How the smile was tight and didn’t reach her eyes. How her gaze was roaming around the room.

“What was it you said to me on the bench? How wonderful life could be if only you were brave enough. Well here’s your chance.”

He patted her on the arm and looked sternly at her until she nodded.

“Good, now if we’re done here, there’s a gorgeous paediatric registrar that’s been catching my eye all evening. And no offence, but hanging around with a lovely blonde like yourself is probably giving off the wrong signals.”

She rolled her eyes as he disappeared back into the room, then turned and looked out over the grounds of the hotel. She could feel the itch of a cigarette craving as she pondered Dom’s words.

She was interrupted by a gentle hand on her back.

“I’d wondered where you disappeared off to.” Serena’s voice sent a shiver through her. She leaned beside Bernie, arms touching. “A penny for them?”

“Admiring the view, that’s all. It had got a bit stuffy inside.”

“Definitely, not much chance of personal space in there.”

Not that there was much more now for Bernie, who was all to aware of how close Serena was to her. She hummed in agreement, not quite sure how to proceed.

“Has Dom been trying to wingman you?” Serena broke the silence and Bernie tilted her head confused. “I saw him chatting with you, thought maybe he was trying to set you up with someone.”

“Oh, right. Something like that, but I’m not sure it’s the right time for me. How about you? Anyone caught your eye?”

She tried to relax as much as possible, a conversation as an interested friend, nothing more. She couldn’t ignore the knot in her stomach though.

“Well, maybe,” the knot tightened. “But I don’t think they’ve noticed me.”

She scoffed. “I’m sure they have, with you looking, well...amazing.”

She trailed off, the compliment slipping free before she could stop it. She turned her head towards Serena, it was true. She did look amazing, a slight flush from the alcohol, gold eyeshadow which made her eyes sparkle and crimson lips which hadn’t faded throughout the night.

“Well, you should go for it. You never know unless you try,” she didn’t miss the irony in saying those words. Serena looked almost sad as she held Bernie’s gaze. Somehow the world around them disappeared, the only thing connecting Bernie to reality was the cold stone of the balcony.

“I am trying,” she took a step closer and placed a hand on Bernie’s shoulder. It dawned on her what Serena meant. That she was the one that hadn’t noticed Serena. Which was laughable, because Bernie felt like she’d done nothing but notice her since they’d first kissed.

“But, but what about...” she gestured to encapsulate what she meant. The kiss, the conversation, the keeping it confined to theatre.

“I couldn’t forget about it. I tried, I got back together with Robbie, but nothing was the same. Every day I remembered that kiss, but you never said anything, I thought you’d got over it, put it down to the emotions of the day or whatever.”

“No, Serena, no. All I’ve done is think about it. And seeing you with Robbie, or tonight with that man flirting and dancing with you, it was terrible because I wanted to be them. I thought you just wanted to stay friends.”

“I know I said you’d terrified me, that I’d never been more than friends with a woman, but these past few months I’ve realised. It’s a good kind of scared, and I want more. I want you.”

She was moving before she had time to think, meeting Serena in the middle and pressing their lips together. It deepened, and she felt Serena’s hand cradle her head. She reveled in this kiss, the way it felt so right, as it had done before. Except this time there was no fear, no pulling back. What stopped them was an involuntary shiver from Serena, reminding them of their surroundings.

“Do you think it’s an acceptable time to leave?” Bernie mused, leading Serena into the hall.

“Oh, can’t we have a dance first, Ms. Wolfe?” She found herself being pulled into the middle of the room as a slower song came on.

Serena tentatively linked their hands, pulling her closer.

“Did I say how gorgeous you look in that suit?”

She shook her head, unable to find words as Serena wound her arms around her waist.

“Not as good as you in this dress,” she managed, running a finger delicately over her exposed collar bone. She caught sight of Dom behind them, presumably with the registrar and he gave her a wink.

What made her chuckle was the sight of Ric, dancing with Francoise but doing nothing to hide his apparent shock when he caught sight of them. Serena raised an eyebrow and he quickly turned away. She stepped closer to Bernie and murmured in her ear.

“Ignore him, he’s just jealous that we’re the most attractive couple in the room.”

Bernie honked her laughter, burying it in Serena’s shoulder to try and prevent too many eyes on them, before lifting her head and placing a delicate kiss on Serena’s lips.

“Okay, we’ve danced, now please can we leave?”

Serena smirked and raised an eyebrow.

“Your place or mine?”

@weeklyberenafix

#Weekly Berena Fix #Berena Fix: Jealousy #berena #bernie wolfe #serena campbell #eh it's only 2 days late #my fic #i should probably upload these to AO3 so i don't lose them #berena fic #jealousy

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thetravellingvagrant · 5 years

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Day 10: Iquitos/Cusco- In Which My Head Basically Implodes

We were due to fly to Cusco, today. Our flight was set to depart at a rather comfortable 11am. Given our inability to adjust to Peruvian time properly, even after like a week and a half of being here, we were up, bright and as alert as I get, with plenty of time for a nice morning bibble. Or we would have been, if I had had the energy to have either packed my bag or cleaned the apartment, the previous night; as it stood, both of these jobs still needed to be completed and so I put my precious bibblage on hold and set about them, like the hero I am. By the time they were done, we had little time to play with if we were to follow Sam's bizarrely strict rule about getting to the airport no later than exactly two hours before your flight is due to depart, even if it's a domestic one and the airport is literally so small that it will take eight seconds to pass through security, and so, after a nice sit down for a few minutes (simply no substitute for a proper bibble), we bade farewell to our very lovely apartment and indeed Iquitos in general and jumped about what was liable to be out last motor-taxi of the trip. I still wasn't bored of them. Yee haw.

To, I imagine, Sam's infinite delight, we arrived at with literal hours to spare and, after checking in and marvelling at the truly grotesque art on the airport walls

Ugh. No. What were you thinking?

we cruised through the predictably lax security and took a seat at a small cafe in the departure lounge. More to kill the time out of any genuine hunger, we bought some empanadas, which, to our dismay, had been microwaved, making them all floppy and soggy and horrible. In addition, unbeknownst to us, each of our empanadas had both an olive and half an egg in them, making them essentially unpalatable for both myself and Sam respectively. Delightful.

Soon, our gate was announced. It was number two. (Of two. It is a very small airport). We took our place in line, towards the back of group six (of six. We were not valued as customers) and eventually, after like, literally everyone else presen, we got on board the plane. That's what arriving two hours early gets you.

We took our seats; both aisle, not next to one another – did we do something to offend you, LatAm? - and settled in for the hour and a half flight to our next stop; Cusco.

Cusco is, for the uninitiated, in the mountains. But not like, some weak, pussy British mountain, which comparatively you'd be hard pressed not to just call a steep and probably racist hill; we're talking 3,400 meters of pure Andean altitude, which, if you're interested in this sort of thing, is a little under three times the height of Ben Nevis. With this degree of altitude, comes its happy little bedfellow, altitude sickness; a nasty little ailment which effects pretty much everyone fool enough to venture this far up and which typically causes headaches, nausea, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, dizziness, lack of co-ordination and in some extreme cases, also coma and death. Lovely. Given that you are reading this blog, you've likely figured out that the latter two symptoms have not effected me, but let me assure you the rest of them have and they started, in the form of a thumping headache, the second I got off of the plane- what a great and cool place for me to have come to. Fortunately, though, the airport had a little basket of coca leaves on offer, the chewing of which is said to reduce the effects of altitude sickness. I munched down on one right away, immediately becoming a drug addict in the process, I assume and my symptoms sort of half abated, temporarily, just like magic.

We stepped outside the airport and into the sadly expected sea of taxi drivers, who were, at least in this case, mercifully held behind a barrier, some twenty meters away from the airport's entrance, to stop them haranguing passengers, right away. We did, unfortunately, need to get a taxi, however and so wandered over to the first person who waved at us. We had been given a firm limit on what we should expect to pay by our Airbnb hosts; 10-15 soles, maximum. We showed the driver our directions and he said

“Excuse me sir, this route will cost fifty soles”

I laughed right in his stupid pudgy face.

“...No, we've been told ten to fifteen, look.”

I showed him the message

“Excuse me sir, this is a twenty, twenty five minute drive”

First of all, it wasn't. I had checked on google maps and had confirmed by our hosts that it was fifteen minutes. Second, that's two soles per minute of driving; eff off, taxi man. I told him I'd try another driver, because we weren't going to pay that much.

“Excuse me, sir- Forty soles”.

That was quick; if all I had to do was walk away a bit for him to drop a fifth off the price, it really didn't suggest to me that fifty was the best price it was possible for him to offer.

“Yeah, no. I might come back, but we're going to check with some other drivers.”

he continued following us, probably quite desperate to not let us actually speak to any of the other drivers, because if we did, we'd have firm evidence that fifty soles was a ludicrous rip off and he'd be outed as the liar, he so clearly was.

“Excuse me sir...twenty soles”

And just like that he had dropped more than half the price from his original quote. It was still too much for me, though. Sam, on the other hand, seemed to think that an extra five soles was a reasonable expense to just get us in a taxi, which it probably was, but I suppose I must hold grudges more than her, because I was straight up ready to fight that man. We (she) accepted the twenty soles fee and proceeded to begrudgingly (me) load our bags into the back of his deceiver's chariot.

We drove for -of course – fifteen minutes to our apartment, paid that snivelling, fat conman his twenty and watched him speed out of our lives, hopefully forever and even more hopefully, immediately off a cliff.

By the time we had let ourselves into our homely, though immediately noticeably very, very cold apartment, the effects of altitude sickness had really begun to kick in for me. I imagined that not being able to breathe properly anyway, given the fluey chest infection I was still dealing with, probably wasn't doing me any favours, combined with the thirty percent less oxygen in the air, but it's all part of the adventure right? And if I die, then at least I probably won't be able to obsess about the extra five soles we paid for taxi.

We couldn't rest for long though, despite that being what literally all the guides, tourist and medical, both, tell you to do. We had no food and no drinkable water, and so, needed to make the customary quick pop to a nearby supermarket. A nearby supermarket which was located both entirely downhill and down what would be a frankly ruinous number of stairs, even at sea-level.

The walk down wasn't that bad; I'd go so far as to say I actually quite enjoyed it – owing in part at least to the pretty spectacular view we had

I mean, it’s fine.

and our jaunt around the supermarket was relatively painless (apart from the screaming headache I had developed, but honestly, I'm basically used to that at this point). After spending far, far too much on food, because we're good at budgeting and will definitely not run out of money before the end of this trip, we headed back to the flat.

This walk was a little more taxing. Stairs are not at all easy to deal with on your first day in Cusco and the fact that there were just so, so many of them, really was the latest and most prominent reason for me wanting to just lie down and give up, forever. We soldiered on, however, taking long breaks every three minutes or so, and finally, arrived back., wheezing, headachey and with my heart screaming in my chest for rest - totally ruined, beyond all repair. What a lovely thing to come straight into after recovering from the flu.

After a long, long rest, I had the strength to pull myself into an upright position to work on this blog, for a while, before hunger overtook the horrible discomfort and I was forced to stumble through to the kitchen, to prepare (an actually remarkably successful) dinner. I ate this dinner, using the least energy possible while chewing before almost immediately passing out, tucked under like eight different blankets, because the apartment only gets colder at night and the traditional Inca heater with which they provided us was laughably ineffectual. Good going, the Incas. You really picked a great way to live.

#travelling #vagrant #iquitos #peru #cusco #flight #latam #empanada #mountains #view #photography

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mxlxdroit · 7 years

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the stormlight archive high school au that audrey asked for (blame her)

- Bridge Four is marching band, and Sadeas is the band director who’s yelling at them all the time

- Kaladin plays trombone, Moash plays trumpet, Szeth is the master of the marimba (and other assorted percussion. audrey- kind of like milo. lol), Renarin plays piccolo (unimaginable power and rage in a tiny, innocent-looking instrument!), Rock doesn’t play an instrument and refuses to learn but he brings in cookies all the time and is an expert in music theory, and Hoid plays flute because of course he does

- When Kaladin gets put in band (because of course it’s a stupid, arbitrary assigned class), he hasn’t ever played a band instrument before, but he can march SUPER WELL and teaches all the band nerds how to march and deal with carrying heavy instruments for extended practices and things. He also has a background in uber-classical music theory and piano (like his background in non-battlefield medicine in the books) that he learns to apply to the music they play. Syl is his trombone

- Sadeas chooses the worst, most laughably outdated songs for them to play. His arrangments SUCK and everyone hates it (and him)

- Band has next-to-no budget, and at the story point that’s equivalent to the part in WoK where Dalinar frees the bridgemen, he diverts funding to save them from like... financial ruin

- The highprinces are the coaches of the sports teams- Dalinar coaches football (he was a huge football star back in the day, but he was super mean and aggressive and used underhanded tactics and stuff), Sadeas coaches lacrosse (because... lacrosse. ew), and Sebarial probably coaches golf (”coaches” is a generous term for what he does, which is sit on the sidelines with Palona, drinking a soda and providing a running commentary)

- Elhokar is the principal, and Aesudan is the vice principal who does most of the administrative duties

- Dalinar also teaches language arts despite not being able to read

- Jasnah teaches political science and history, and she is the advisor for both feminism club and debate team (and like, Model UN and 300 other clubs)

- Navani teaches computer science and everyone loves her

- Shallan is simultaneously an art kid and a theater kid- she loses herself in every role so much it’s kind of unsettling... ( :(( ) She transfers from homeschooling to going to public school after the ~mysterious incapacitation~ of her father. Her brothers are all graduated by that time

- Adolin isn’t in AP, but his grades are super great, he’s the football star, and he’s in feminism club because he RESPECTS WOMEN (and also is hoping that some of the girls in feminism club will date him. many of them are not into men. he has already dated and broken up with the rest of them. oh, Adolin)

- The AP cohort are the ardents, and they still all have shaved heads

- Renarin wants to play football with Adolin, but he can’t, and everyone wants him to go into taking AP classes but he is REALLY not interested in that

- Kaladin was a really, really good soccer player, but he got into a fight with the assistant coach (Amaram, of course) and got kicked out. The next semester, he got put in band to help him “develop anger management skills” and “learn how to be a team player”

- Jasnah serves as a kind of academic advisor/ tutor for Shallan after she transfers in

- The Parshendi are the neighborhood kids. When the school board (the Shards) re-zone the city (the Cosmere), a bunch of them get transferred out of the school (killed. whoops) to make room for non-neighborhood kids (the humans, in canon). Now outnumbered and neglected, they don’t get as many resources or attention as they need anymore, and they’re (understandably) pissed about it

- The Fused are parents and grandparents of the neighborhood kids

- The Heralds are from the first graduating class after the re-zoning, so they founded most of the clubs and were the original captains of the sports teams

- Hoid... i don’t know and neither does anyone else. He shows up in band sometimes, Principal Elhokar really likes him, you can’t really stop him from doing anything because he will roast you to high heaven, and nobody can tell if he’s an adult or a kid. He barely shows up to class, and there will be periods of several weeks or even months where nobody has any idea what he’s up to. Then again, nobody really knows what he’s up to even when they’re talking to him.

- All the worldhoppers have a similar deal to Hoid. Who are they, where did they come from, and where do they go? Who knows

- Lift is in middle school but she’s always heely-ing down the halls and people either don’t notice (she’s good at hiding) or don’t care. She steals food from the cafeteria all the time

- The Shards are the school board. They mean well, or at least they used to mean well, but they aren’t very good at their jobs most of the time

Okay that’s all I’ve got for now

if people have ideas for this... i guess just tag it ‘SA HS AU’ or tag me? idk, man

#this is such a long post #oh well #that's okay #SA HS AU #mine #cosmere #stormlight archive

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gabbylioness · 3 years

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The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct Game Review

The Walking Dead is one of the only T.V. shows that has managed to hold my attention for multiple seasons and have me on the edge of my seat waiting for new episodes every week. I’m a HUGE fan. That said, I had high hopes for Survival Instinct, which is developed by a company called Terminal Reality and published by Activision.

When I first heard that this game was going to be a first person shooter I was pretty stoked. I thought the genre would be very fitting considering all of the zombie killing that has happened in the show. Then I heard it was being published by Activision. As much as I love the Call of Duty series of games, Activision has a reputation for pushing out games just to make a quick buck. And that became painfully obvious once I put the The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct disc in my Xbox and logged a couple of hours on the game. http://www.thegamercollective.com/pink-bunny-gaming-chair/

I was really hoping this game would be phenomenal. I love the show, I love Daryl Dixon, but this game doesn’t do the show or the character any justice. Below you’ll find my detailed review of each aspect of The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct. This was reviewed on the Xbox 360 but please note that gameplay is identical across all platforms and, even on PC, the graphics are horrendous.

Platforms: Xbox 360, PC, Playstation 3, Wii U

Graphics

For a game that is being released in the first quarter of 2013, not long before next-gen consoles are supposedly being released, Survival Instinct looks like garbage. You’d think having a big name like TWD attached would mean there’d be a huge budget to make this game look fantastic but, sadly, it looks worse than some of the titles that were available at the launch of the 360.

The environments are bland, characters look like cheesy comic book personas, and even the weapons look like they belong in a poorly designed indie title. Overall, the look of the game is just tasteless and looks like it was thrown together in a day.

GFX Score – 3/10

Gameplay

Survival Instinct lacks any awesome gameplay. Most of the weapons, which primarily consist of blunt objects, blades, and various guns, feel really clunky. Using anything with a blade or blunt surface is just a matter of swinging repetitively at walkers to bash them in the head. Guns are even less satisfying. With the rifle, for example, there is no sway or recoil when firing, it’s a very dull point and click interface. What’s worse is the scope is, in most cases, useless. Most of the time zombies will be far too close to you to make use of a long range scope.

During most, if not all, parts of the game you won’t be running around. Because sound, movement, and even the smell of your sweat, attracts zombies you have to crouch walk around almost all the time. Doing so activates a sort of stealth that makes you less noticeable to walkers.

It also provides you with the ability to come up behind zombies and assassinate them with a knife thrust to the head. This is the move you’ll have to rely on to progress through most missions in the game. So get used to very slow, unsatisfying gameplay. It’s fun the first few times to stab a walker in the brain in a cool assassination animation but it gets tiresome and boring very quickly.

Here’s a video we recorded showing some the The Walking Dead Survival Instinct’s gameplay:

While I will say that most of this is on par with the show, it just doesn’t translate well into good gameplay. Yes, in reality you would have to sneak around and be careful. Yes, firing a gun would attract hordes of zombies (it does in the game). But, unfortunately, this makes for really slow, dull gameplay. Maybe it could be developed into something more interesting but this game just didn’t hit it well.

Gameplay Score – 4/10

Storyline

The show may at times go off on odd tangents and, sometimes, boring dialogue, but Survival Instinct takes the cake in that respect. The only real story is that the zombie apocalypse has begun and you (Daryl) and your brother (Merle) have to fight to survive. The dialogue is, at times, laughable. Daryl seems to be stuck on lame, one-line zingers that just don’t click as being a true adaptation of his T.V. persona. Other characters are voiced well but still provide little engagement or entertainment throughout the game. http://www.thegamercollective.com/are-secretlab-chairs-worth-it/

In most cases you’ll be presented with a short cutscene to learn what your general goal is for each area of the game. Then, as you find other survivors in those areas, you’ll have short dialogue episodes with them to find out what they want in exchange for items or help you may need. Almost every mission is the same… you need item A, survivor has it but wants item B, you have to locate item B, bring it back to survivor, get item A, acquire new survivor and head out.

As you gain more survivors you’ll earn more chances to scavenge items like fuel, food, ammo, and other supplies for each area you travel to. You get to decide where to travel and how to send your survivors out. This involves assigning tasks to each survivor and equipping them with weapons. Each area you travel to has a certain level of risk. This is an interesting concept which, if done correctly, could be pretty cool but, unfortunately, Survival Instinct made it a bit dull and repetitive, leaving much to the imagination.

The story isn’t terrible but it isn’t great, either. It’s definitely not on par with the creativity and entertaining elements found in The Walking Dead T.V. show.

Story Score – 4/10

Conclusion

Being a big fan of the show I really wanted this game to succeed. Unfortunately, there are just so many things that need to be improved upon. Maybe Terminal Reality will make a huge patch to fix the broken elements and create a huge DLC with more interesting content in the future, but I’m not sure. I don’t believe the game sold as well as they had hoped which means they probably won’t have the budget to make such corrections to the game.

Terminal Reality had a great concept idea with this game but missed the quality mark by a long shot. Sorry, but it’s true. This game had a lot of interesting ideas thrown in the mix but they were very poorly executed.

Norman Reedus, you are an amazing actor and have captured my favor in the TWD show but this game puts shame to the great name of Daryl.

Overall… NOT RECOMMENDED.

Final Score – 3.5/10

#the walking dead #video games #gaming #games #xbox #xbox 360 #gamer

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riccrachio · 3 years

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Can Marvel’s Success be Replicated?

At this point we’re all familiar with Marvel’s successful lineup of heroes in comics, movies, and recently on Disney+ their shows. Given the recent success Marvel has been able to accomplish on the streaming platform, demonstrating their ability to provide the movie budget level of content and writing on the big screen to the small screen, one can’t help but wonder if we’ll ever see a success story like this in our lifetime again?

It’s hard to say, looking back at Marvel, it’s a wonder they managed to pull this success in the first place. Most of this can be contributed to it’s iconic first box-office success Iron Man with Robert Downey Jr. as the staring role who managed to bring the character to life in a way that hadn’t been seen before with another comic book adaptation. Previous films had been cheesy at best with laughable effects and an obvious budget, and it’s business rival, DC Comics, wasn’t fairing any better. Comics were associated with “nerd culture” which up until then wasn’t looked upon as fondly as it is now.

https://hbr.org/2019/07/marvels-blockbuster-machine

Iron Man brought Marvel and the world of comics to a new light in pop culture media, amassing an audience of fans that otherwise would’ve never known about the world of heroes created by the company’s late founder Stan Lee. The first blockbuster brought in $585.3 million back in 2008 and their major concluding film Avengers Endgame broke box-office records with $2.798 billion and given the trailers released during Disney’s Investor’s Day tailer reveals, there’s still more to come.

https://thewaltdisneycompany.com/disney-investor-day-2020/

Back in 2009, Disney acquired Marvel and a number of characters for $4 billion and with it managed to help spur Marvel into a golden age of hero movies. But what about other comic book films that aren’t Marvel?

https://observer.com/2020/09/disney-buys-star-wars-marvel-fox-hulu-pixar-cost-box-office/

As previously mentioned, Marvel has a long running rivalry with DC Comics who have their own run of super hero movies, but it’s harder to say the direction they’re going in. DC is owned by Warner Bros Media and for a long time the only movies they were making were retellings of Batman, the most popular of which was Christopher Nolan’s “Dark Knight” saga, a trilogy of movies that made a total of $1.005 billion. DC over the past few years has tried it’s best to create a cinematic universe of beloved characters and successful movies, however, there’s a strong noticeable gap that has continued to grow and a slowly disinterest in the films. After DC’s answer to “The Avengers”, the “Justice League”, flopped and no interest in continuing the universe made by the film’s original director Zack Snyder, it’s hard to say where DC plans on going with it’s characters.

https://www.statista.com/statistics/329199/dc-comics-films-box-office-revenue/

It’s easy to see that DC rushed to catch up to Marvel’s success and ended up not taking the time to make a more interesting and cohesive story with characters worth watching, and it’s a shame. As someone who likes both Marvel and DC, seeing more variety on the big screen of heroes I enjoy is something I look forward too, but DC needs to take a step back and really plan out what they want to do moving forward if they ever want a glimpse of Marvel’s success.

21st Century Fox also owned a good portion of other Marvel characters, before being acquired but Disney as well, such as Spider Man and the Fantastic Four, but neither have really seen much in way of main stream popularity in recent years other than Tom Holland’s Spider Man that was written and directed by Marvel writers working for Disney.

Disney clearly has a monopoly on the super hero market and buying Marvel has been their best investment bringing them over $18 billion combined across all their films. It does’t take a genius to see that it will be a long time before we can see anything like this again.

As for other indie comics and their character’s, it’s hard to say. Companies such as Amazon Prime, Hulu, and Netflix will probably be their best bet as those companies would be more than willing to get their hands on the next “Avengers”. Amazon Prime seems to be the most likely to do so, but not in the way of box office movies.

Amazon Prime came out with their hit series “The Boys” a dark twisted super hero tale that will be seeing it’s third season in the near future and as of 2021 has released an animated super hero show called “Invincible”. The new show has found much success amongst it’s audience in the lull of Marvel entertainment, but we’ll have to wait and see if Amazon Prime can truly create something that can challenge Marvel's current standing.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6741278/

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imeugene · 7 years

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That above was my first real bike. It was an early 2000′s Hoffman Condor. I was dead set on getting it instead of anything else. Even as a kid, I was really into researching things for the sake of researching and the conclusion I came up with is that I needed to get a Hoffman Condor. It wasn’t based on real empirical evidence(some things never change) but I liked the idea of running the same type of bike the Condor did when he did the no-handed 900. It was such a mystical trick. It was pre Youtube, in the dial up days where people would post a scanned sequence online cause the idea of creating gif was beyond the skill set of the majority of internet users and even a few second video clip uploaded by someone who isn’t a professional of sorts was mind blowing. I still have the Hoffman Super Fork lying around somewhere in the house. Peg bosses and all. I bring this up cause I have nothing but respect for the Condor and in BMX with it’s heavy us verses them mentality, any point of argument will automatically be shut down. And it’s not even an argument really. It’s just a difference in thought I noticed. I’m gonna try my best to be objective which I think I can maintain cause I honestly don’t know what to think about all this.

https://digbmx.com/dig-this/why-we-need-to-keep-the-uci-out-of-bmx

https://www.reddit.com/r/bmx/comments/82x7kd/why_we_need_to_keep_the_uci_out_of_bmx_matt/dvdjg3i/

Those are the two reading sort of required to understand all this. Both opposing views. One made by the largest legend in our lifestyle/hobby/sport/art/whatever you wanna call it and another is an anonymous commenter who seems to have a pretty well thought view.

Mat Hoffman’s word in BMX is truth. Regardless of whether he’s right or wrong, it doesn’t matter cause he’s built up a legacy and reputation that has upheld the tenants of what he believes is right for BMX. Throughout the years, it’s never been questioned his motivations or his adherence to his own views. Whethers it’s pushing the rider-owned brand and then further into Taiwanese factories to keep BMX cheap for the masses or being there when BMX was ready to blow up with the whole “eXtreme sports” hysteria. There is a whole book called the “Ride of my Life” that documents him that elaborates on all this further (or check out this Albion interview which is just as informative). The Idea is that the Condor is a stalwart of BMX and in world where there aren’t conclusive answers to the questions the BMX industry asks, Hoffman’s word has every right to be spoken and heard. He’s like that old grandpa you ask for life advice cause he saw so much and experienced that much more. Just cause he’s a grandpa don’t make him always right but... he definitely knows more and has a higher chance of being right than most..and Mat Hoffman is against the UCI. Understandably so.

The UCI is an international organization that governs all forms of cycling. All the avenues of what it exactly does evades me but the big thing to understand is the various cycling entities is given a larger corporate identity that can involve itself with actual corporations for money. Even if all of BMX was run by a singular company maybe like.. RideBMX or Danscomp or S&M. It’d be a laughable presence for companies compared to companies like Pepsi to sponsor their events in a serious way. On one hand it’s a high level of bureaucracy that very few in BMX are truly capable of, and BMX isn’t a blip in corporations like thats radar. The UCI is an organization that can possibly make it a blip.

I don’t know how the UCI is directly directly run by but I imagine it’s a bunch of suits who do not have cycling industry experience.. probably some business degree from some fancy company. Maybe they did well with some regional juice company few years before and got a better offer by the UCI so switched jobs. They’re numbers people and that’s what they understand and the language they speak.The reputations these numbers people get proceeds them. At one point a company like Breyer’s probably made really good ice cream, then they went public, then these numbers people came in and looked at the numbers, they realized if they changed sugar to high fructose corn syrup that they’d save a lot of money at the expense of some taste, then they did that to a lot of other avenues which cut costs like amount of milk or changing from handmade to factory made, increasing the budget for marketing verse quality control, which leads them to being sold them in every supermarket in the United States. Now Breyer’s is a household item which makes millions more than it ever did but is half the product it ever was. I think Mat Hoffman is afraid that this kind of snowball effect will happen if BMX was to be controlled by the UCI. For BMX to involve themselves with numbers people who honestly don’t care about the means just the results. It’s completely understandable too.

I think the people who involve themselves with the UCI that are riders are all well intentioned. I think they see that the UCI has something to offer and that in a way real BMX will never truly die. Something like the music industry. Music is a multi-billion industry that has Grammy’s by so called best artists, album sales, song plays, all these number based things but in the end real music continues to exist cause the need for real music continues to exist. I think the riders who involve themselves with the UCI see BMX in a similar fashion. Sure there is going to be A CHANCE in BMX being changed but it’s only on superficial level and only exists to fuel the rest of BMX that will continue to be what it is. To think of BMX expanding, I think a lot of people would think that instead of complete corporate takeover of BMX, that this would be how all this pans out. If all this happens in the first place.

The fact is that BMX doesn’t have money. For growth to happen, it needs money fueling it. The UCI and this whole Olympic situation is the best chance BMX has in growing in a drastic way. Plenty argue against the growth but that’s cause a lot of BMX is anti-social and a bit elitist like that. Which is honestly part of BMX that I love the best cause BMX created a video where some suburban kid ate his own poop and it was celebrated. That’s pretty cool. Seeing some banner in the background of the X-Games ramps that will be watched by millions in hopes that there is gonna be more clicks for that company’s website, hopefully creating more sales all directly tying back with that egregiously expensive spot for that $10 banner. It’s like Breyer’s ice cream. It’s a complete corporate mentality. Like there is probably gonna be a spread sheet of some sort predicting sales based on banner placement and tv screen time to explain all this for the number’s people. It’s not really BMX.

The reason the counter argument on Reddit brings up Fise is cause there is numbers that can be directly generated from that. Which in turn makes it an easier sell for the UCI, to sell to the larger corporations who have that real world money that can make a difference. Art is not supposed to be quantifiable, that’s why people always make big noise when some weird abstract art ends up selling for millions. Well.. there’s countless others that are equally as weird that will never sell for a dime. What I think some people worry is that can be as expressive and abstract as BMX will fall into the later category. It has some type of understood value but ultimately still worthless in real world money. If we’re gonna try to quantify things I can say right now the type of risks that Sean Burns takes does not equate the amount of money he probably makes. I don’t Yhe tricks he’s doing and the potential harm he can do for himself and buildings around him is probably gonna be a heavy risk burden for insurance companies. You hear big name professional riders take a bad fall and go on GoFundMe, it’s cause BMX is not paid nearly as much as the risks involved in that sense. But then we get into artistic argument of whether Sean Burns should be paid more cause he’s risking more compared to someone like Mathias Dandois who does flatland which is definitely less risky but seems to be able to generate good numbers by being ranked number in 1 flatland(not sure if it’s true). BMX is not something you can easily put money value into and any larger corporate entity will probably just avoid it all together cause it’s a headache to understand. They’ll take skateboarding cause the money that they generate is easily understood and in their opinion just as appealing if not more than BMX. There aren’t numbers people in BMX often so people who organize FISE would be conduit for the UCI and it’s BMX program.

What Hoffman and DMC did is not something that can be understood by numbers alone. How can you put a number on respect or what they achieved cause you can’t and that’s why the UCI is so easy to disrespect them. It’s not like they don’t have any real world value, they certainly do and their experiences also but for something as foreign as BMX can be, it’s not easily transcribable for something as large as the UCI, Olympics, large corporations or anything on that level. Numbers are their only language, the accomplishments of Hoffman and the DMC will fall on deaf ears. On one hand it does seem like Hoffman is willing to compromise but once again, to us Hoffman is all, to them he’s more or less just an overdecorated lobbyist.

It goes back to the whole question on how to grow BMX cause a lot of our industry certainly wants it. Whether to grow it slowly in an organic fashion which seems at times truly fruitless or cut a deal with the devil and do what it takes it to really make some changes. Cause it seems like every single time the corporations start having a hold in BMX, there certainly are noticeable changes people always bring up. For better or worse though. I don’t know though. No one does. That’s why were in this situation.

#bmx #uci #mat hoffman #dmc #dennis mccoy #olympics

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silvokrent · 7 years

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One Way Ticket

Courage comes at a cost, and a round trip is outside of Oscar’s budget.

Oscar.

His first impulse was to tell the voice to go away, followed immediately by diligently ignoring him—like he’d been doing for the last four hours. Oscar scrunched his face and nestled as far back into the stiff leather seat as he could, folding his arms more securely over his chest.

Oscar, I know you’re awake.

When he didn’t respond Ozpin spoke again, a hint of impatience bleeding into his tone. Your immature behavior is highly unbecoming. You cannot continue to pretend that my existence is—

“Fine!” Oscar snapped, a little louder than intended. A quick, furtive glance around the coach told him there was no one within the immediate vicinity to have overheard, and he winced. Last thing he wanted to do was attract attention from other passengers, or have to explain to the conductor why he was talking to himself, and if you could just step off to the side, sir, we have some medical professionals that would love to speak with you.

As I’ve said before, you fall within the legal definition of sane. No amount of scrutiny on their part would warrant institutionalization.

“I really wish you’d stop doing that,” Oscar said, but he knew it was ultimately a losing battle: Ozpin could no more help reading his thoughts than he could stop breathing. Instead, he settled on feeling annoyed at the intrusion to his sleep, something which he felt fully justified in blaming Ozpin for. “What do you want?”

We’re here, Ozpin answered.

The words had barely formed in his head before Oscar scrambled to face the window. The tumorous anxiety that had felt so comfortably far away came lurching back, lodging itself squarely in his midriff. Small wonder why, as he gaped at the looming mountains before them.

Photographs from textbooks could hardly be said to do justice to the grandeur of Mistral’s capitol. A deep fissure cleaved its twin peaks, dividing the mountain into separate, stony towers. Tendrils of mist enrobed the outcrops, fathomless and ethereal, partially obscuring the infrastructure embedded into its cliffsides. What buildings he could see stood out stark-white against the foliage that spilled from the crags. At the summit perched the largest compound he’d seen yet, its foundation precariously arched between the two peaks.

Haven Academy, Ozpin clarified, somewhat unnecessarily.

“My aunt used to call it the ‘Kingdom in the Clouds,’” he said, unable to look away. “I thought she was exaggerating. I knew Mistral was in the mountains, but I didn’t think it was so…”

Breathtaking?

“High up,” Oscar answered. He clutched his rucksack more securely to his chest, drawing little comfort from the roughspun fabric and earthy smell that so desperately reminded him of home. “How do all those people even live up there?”

People born here have adapted to the climate and elevation, Ozpin replied. The same can’t be said for tourists, I’m afraid. Foreigners unacclimated to such extreme heights tend to experience acrophobia and mild altitude sickness.

“Thanks for telling me that after I boarded the train.”

Ozpin ignored the barbed accusation. The benefits of such a lifestyle far outweigh the negatives.

“Like what? If I want to kill myself I just need to step outside my front door and jump?”

That comment got a rise out of Ozpin, like he’d hoped; a flash of momentary irritation passed through his thoughts, before being promptly smothered out. He got the impression Ozpin was taking a deep breath. That was uncalled for, came the stilted admonishment.

Oscar didn’t bother to acknowledge his disapproval. Two could play at that game. “Okay, so what are the benefits of living on a mountain?”

There was a pause, followed by a nonexistent sigh. The geography makes the mountains a natural fortress. Early mountaineers discovered that the Grimm had as difficult of time as they did when it came to scaling the cliffs. Eventually, as more people settled the area, they had the strength in numbers to repel even the most tenacious of Grimm. The ones that survived those encounters quickly learned they would not find easy prey.

Oscar remembered the weather vane his aunt kept on the barn roof, and its striking resemblance to a Cockatrice. “But it’s not just the four-legged ones, like Beowolves and Ursa, right?” he asked. “There are Grimm with wings, too. How do you stop something that can fly?”

The observation seemed to impress Ozpin; Oscar almost regretted asking for that reason alone. The last impression he wanted to give the headmaster was that he actually cared about any of this. It isn’t just the exterior that people live on, Ozpin said. The mountains contain a vast network of cave systems—shallow enough for humans to occupy, but not so deep that they would hide any unwelcome threats. The second answer to your question is that Mistral developed artillery for shooting down airborne species of Grimm. Most of them tend to avoid the skies over the city.

Oscar made a noncommittal noise, hoping it would be enough of a response to satisfy Ozpin. The anticipation that had been lurking dormant in his gut made itself known, causing a wave of nausea to momentarily pass over him. Subconsciously, he reached for the patchwork cloth in his pocket and worried it until the sensation ebbed.

We’ll be arriving shortly, Ozpin observed. If he noticed his discomfort, he tactfully chose not to comment on it. You haven’t eaten in a while. Now might be a good opportunity to do so.

Because what a great first impression that would make, as he stepped off the train and proceeded to vomit into the nearest trash can. There was a twisted sort of logic to that though, and yeah, he was hungry, even if the constant jitters had reduced his stomach to a braided knot. And the mutinous part of his brain pointed out that refusing to eat would only make the old man harp on him until he relented, because Ozpin was that kind of asshole.

Your wellbeing is my concern. Ozpin sounded reproachful. If ensuring that you eat and sleep are condemnable offenses, then I apologize.

“Noticed that you didn’t deny it,” Oscar reasoned in a voice that was just on the side of smug. He went to unzip his bag, and paused at a sudden, intrusive thought. “And you can’t pretend that you’re doing this just because you care about me.”

He felt Ozpin do the mental equivalent of stiffening. What do you mean?

“If I die,” he told the empty carriage, “you die too. So you kind of have to make sure I eat, and sleep, and don’t accidentally walk off a cliff at night because it’s dark.”

A loaded silence followed.

Do you honestly believe that my concern for you is only out of obligation? There was a weird undercurrent of strain in Ozpin’s voice that Oscar didn’t immediately know how to reconcile.

Not sure how to answer, and not entirely comfortable with the question either, Oscar dug through his bag instead.

In truth, he’d never been outside the countryside before, so packing hadn’t been a skill he needed to perfect. It showed in the way he hastily crammed everything into the tight space, spare clothes balled up alongside what few provisions he’d smuggled. Handing his aunt a shopping list of survival necessities and asking her to pick them up the next time she went to market hadn’t exactly been an option, so they’d had to improvise. Against Ozpin’s advisement, Oscar had been as sparing as he could when raiding the kitchen. Partly, because guilt wouldn’t allow him to rob blind the woman that had taken him in after his parents had died. The other part had been due to Ozpin’s frustrating vagueness about the trip length as a whole. Don’t overpack because you can’t afford to be encumbered, but don’t underpack, either, because your supplies need to last for—and Ozpin refused to clarify how long that was, exactly.

Oscar was still trying to figure out whether that had been some obnoxious test meant to teach him self-reliance, or if Ozpin was just as uncertain and trying to bluff about it. The latter was terrifying and not a thought to be dwelled on.

There were the essentials, of course: a bedroll, something that laughably passed for a first aid kit, and an assortment of non-perishable food. His rations consisted of hardtack, strips of jerky, a container filled with Pumpkin Pete’s cereal (its inclusion had unnerved Ozpin for some weird reason), and fruit slices he and his aunt had harvested and dried a couple of months ago.

Lien was the only resource Oscar refused to steal. Without him being there to pitch in, his aunt was going to struggle with upkeeping the farm. And he’d sooner light himself on fire before he left her destitute.

A noble sentiment, Ozpin commented. Thought he didn’t seem to care much for Oscar’s fixation with any thoughts that involved hurting himself.

Rather than deign to answer, Oscar dug out a strip of salted beef and tore off a chunk. He took his time chewing the leathery meat. The jaw workout gave him an excuse to not talk to the headmaster until the train eased into the station.

Upon coming to a standstill, the automatic doors gave a pneumatic hiss and slid open. Noise from the outside world flooded the coach interior. Through the doors of the adjoining cars, Oscar could hear the muffled sounds of passengers collecting their luggage and descending out onto the platform. The background ambiance had his senses on a heightened sort of edge, compounded by his own trepidation, and for a wild moment Oscar seriously considered not getting up.

He sensed Ozpin’s hesitation, but for once he didn’t intervene. Rather, he gave the impression of retreating from his space. As if waiting for whatever choice he would make.

Nothing was stopping him from staying in his seat (apart from the impending end of the world and whatever perilous, incomprehensible destiny Ozpin had alluded to). This train would depart, and he’d find himself standing on that platform where Hazel had first procured a ticket for him. Oscar would trudge back through the copse until the farmhouse and barn were in sight. And standing there would be his aunt, yelling inarticulate curses even as she swept him into her arms with a hug that threatened to crack his ribs. The stability and monotony of his life would return, comfortable farm chores and all.

Minus Ozpin, whose disappointment and fear would be never-ending. Constant reminders of the responsibilities he’d inherited and then abandoned. And for what?

Oscar knew it was deluded to think for a moment that he could ever escape whatever—this was. And any attempt to pretend at normalcy would torture them both. He knew it, and Ozpin knew it. They were delaying the inevitable.

It was the hardest and the easiest thing, to sling his bag over his shoulder and disembark.

…Thank you, Ozpin said. An unspoken gravity permeated his words, one whose meaning escaped Oscar. And I’m sorry.

“You didn’t ask for this either.” With the commotion of the people around them, being overheard was a minimal risk. He weaved through the throng, head determinedly held down. “And there’s no point pretending this is avoidable. I don’t have a choice. Not really, anyway.”

We always have a choice. Those words were said with a surprising amount of conviction. Even when our choices are presented to us as unconquerable hardships.

“You realize the choices here are doing nothing and eventually dying, or actively doing something that’ll likely get me killed, right?” Oscar scoffed. “Our ‘unconquerable hardship’ is death. And when the outcome for both options is the same that’s hardly a choice.”

Lesser men are often tempted to do what’s easy, not what’s right. That you are standing here now is a testimony to which you are. The measured, even tones were retracted for something that was both fierce and reassuring. And I will do all that I can to keep you safe. You have my word.

Something in him recoiled.

“You couldn’t even keep yourself safe when you were alive”—Oscar balled his fists—“and now I’m here because of it.”

All right, maybe he said that a little louder than he should have. At least it had the desired effect of getting Ozpin to shut up. (He didn’t feel guilty about that. He didn’t.)

“Just do me a favor, okay?” Oscar asked. Gradually, his hands unclenched, and with a shaky exhale he resumed walking. “I don’t want to think about it. And I don’t want you to make any promises you can’t keep. Just—focus on getting us where we need to go for now. Can we do that?”

The specter of compromise hovered in his words, a tentative truce that Ozpin accepted willingly enough. This station resides on the city’s mid-level. There’s a vertical lift not far from here that we may dock, that should take us directly to Haven’s campus.

“Sounds good.”

The problem with talking to the voice in his head was that it tended to dampen his peripheral awareness. Multitasking this weird magic with everything else left him a bit disconnected from his surroundings, and for the first time Oscar took stock of what he was actually seeing.

If colors could be loud, then Mistral was nothing short of deafening. Large silk banners fluttered in the breeze overhead, strung between pavilions by beaded cords. Bright and eye-catching wares occupied every available inch of counter space: polished scimitars and submachine guns, dark green bonsais, opulent incense burners, even fruits he didn’t have names for.

The one you’re looking at is called a durian, Ozpin said. I wouldn’t recommend trying it if you don’t have a strong stomach. The odor can be somewhat pungent.

Oscar suppressed a snort. “With what money?”

…You seem rather cagey. Ozpin sidestepped the rhetorical question. Is something the matter?

Any attempt to dismiss that claim was belied somewhat by the way he jumped when a vendor spilled the contents of a crate, creating a minor commotion.

“I’ve never been to the city before. To any city before,” Oscar clarified, like it wasn’t painfully obvious. The crowd surged around him, dozens of faces that either went without acknowledging his presence, or lingered for longer than was necessary. He was all the more acutely aware of his stature and age, and he had to savagely beat down the impulse to wrap his arms around his shoulders. With the passersby hemming him in, he felt claustrophobic.

“Hey, Oz? What’s the worst-case scenario that could happen here, hypothetically?”

Your mileage may vary, depending on what you think constitutes a “worst-case scenario.” Ozpin hummed in thought. In all likelihood, very little beyond having to wait a while before we get our audience at Haven.

“But let’s say something happens. Something that isn’t me having to sit in a waiting room.” The hitch in his voice that he was unsuccessful at stamping out got Ozpin’s attention. As it did the attention of a rather unsettling-looking man whose face was partly concealed by bandages. Oscar didn’t imagine the red welling up through the dressings, and his heartbeat quickened. “Let’s say that this headmaster we’re supposed to find—”

Leonardo Lionheart.

He continued over the interruption: “What if he’s not there? Or what if he refuses to see us because I’m just a nobody from off the streets?”

The former is unlikely. He’s not prone to traveling, even between semesters. Nor is he the type to pass judgment based on preconceived notions.

His eye caught a puddle cradled in the cobblestones of the footpath. Oscar frowned at his reflection. “I look homeless. Is he really going to take the time to meet a kid that isn’t an applicant to his deadly combat school?”

With the correct phrasing, yes, Ozpin assured him. His mild tone and unflappable outlook were quickly becoming a point of contention for Oscar, if only because they were so dissonant with his own palpable unease. At the edge of his vision, he caught the movements of a group of hooded strangers clustered away from the stalls. There was no mistaking the way they leered at him, hands hovering at their sides over what were undoubtedly concealed weapons. His pulse spiked in his throat, and Oscar could feel the weight of the rucksack between his shoulders.

“For just one minute”—Oscar took a steadying breath—“pretend we don’t live in a perfect world where things go according to your plan. Mistral is dangerous, and I don’t have the money to rent a room at an inn. What do we do then? I—I really don’t want…”

A lot went unsaid, but not unheard, and Ozpin didn’t miss the way his thoughts skipped tracks.

Mistral’s infamous reputation isn’t unmerited, Ozpin conceded, in a carefully modulated tone. But that doesn’t factor in the exaggeration that locals like using to scare tourists. Some of the wilder tales people hear tend to be hyperbole.

He knew Ozpin was trying to comfort him, which made it all the more patronizing because Oscar knew better. He stopped, rather abruptly, and the crowd parted around him like a well-accustomed current. “Have you ever actually been to Mistral?” he asked a tad incredulously.

Ignoring the hypocrisy in his choice of words, because it wasn’t like he’d ever been to Mistral prior to now, either. The line of questioning at least managed to elicit some surprise from Ozpin. Yes. On several occasions.

“And what did you look like when you came here?”

I’m afraid I don’t understand.

“I mean,” Oscar said, “did you look like them”—he pointed toward a group of patrons some yards ahead, all of whom donned robes of rich satin and were bejeweled in gaudy gems—“or did you look more like those people over there?” His gaze drifted toward two customers haggling with a merchant. Their tattered clothing and the scabbing on one guy’s arm were telling of which social class they belonged to.

He already knew the answer. Well, more like he knew how to find the answer, if Oscar was inclined to go rummaging through their shared subconscience until he stumbled across the right memory. They’d been together for a month, and he still had no idea what Ozpin had looked like when he was alive, and that wasn’t entirely by accident. For some reason, putting a face to the occupant in his mind felt weirdly intimate. It was easier to direct frustration at him when the voice in his head was just that: a bodiless voice not tied to any definable personhood.

Out of a perverted sort of decency, Ozpin never thrust that knowledge upon him. It was one of the few tacit boundaries he seemed unwilling to cross where their relationship was concerned.

Ozpin didn’t answer, so Oscar continued.

“You probably looked like a Huntsman, or you dressed well enough to be set apart from the riffraff, so no, you’ve never actually been to Mistral. People that look like them don’t get pickpocketed, or assaulted, or abducted,” he bit off. “You’ve probably never had to worry about someone trying to mug you, and then, when you don’t have anything worth stealing on you, getting beaten up because they feel like you somehow cheated them out of an easy profit. You don’t get to tell me not to be scared, Oz. Not when you’ve never had to be.”

Before, he might have relished shutting Ozpin up so soundly. The gratification was ruined somewhat by the unmistakable guilt that Ozpin felt, which synaptically bled into Oscar’s own emotions. Even more unnerving was the impression he got that Ozpin wanted to protest. The older man had known fear, Oscar knew, it some vague, undefinable way, and he had a good idea in regards to what.

He’d never gotten a straight answer from him about how he died. Unlike his own mind, which was an open wound graffitied with errant thoughts, Ozpin had mastered the art of safeguarding his memories and emotions. Every wayward thought had been neatly partitioned off, and whether that habit stemmed from a demand for privacy, or he was shielding some great and terrible secret, Oscar had yet to figure out. Questions were never ignored, only neatly deflected, either with articulate language or an appropriate segue to another topic. With Ozpin unwilling to relinquish that information, Oscar had learned how to startle snippets of the truth out of him.

He’d done that, once, on a day when he’d been plowing the fields, the sun blistering his skin and sending rivulets of sweat into the hem of his shirt. Ozpin hadn’t been fast enough to compose himself, and in that slither of a second Oscar perceived fire.

He got the uncomfortable impression that Ozpin had been burned alive.

The part of his mind that still doggedly clung to anger shoved aside anything that might resemble sympathy. He didn’t—couldn’t offer him any, not when he was already tired, homesick, and burdened by the unknown perils lurking ahead. Oscar didn’t have the energy to spare on pitying some omniscient, omnipotent ghost, and Ozpin was too patient to push for any recognition of their mutual plight.

The lift is just ahead. He sounded hesitant. Apologetic. Once we ascend the precipice it will be a fairly short walk to his office.

“Good,” Oscar said. The lift was kind of hard to miss—a large metal platform, anchored to the wall by a pair of deep tracks that scored the rock face. He stepped onto it and moved toward the terminal. A list of destinations flashed across the screen, and the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding left him as HAVEN ACADEMY – Level 1 appeared on the queue.

He tapped the screen.

RESTRICTED ACCESS – CLEARANCE REQUIRED

That swooping sensation in his gut returned with a vengeance.

I don’t understand. Confusion clouded his voice. Haven’s campus isn’t supposed to be off-limits to visitors.

“Maybe the terminal’s malfunctioning?” Even as the words left him Oscar knew how futile they were, especially when he pressed the location key and a second error message appeared. A dawning terror that just as easily could have been nausea spread throughout his midriff.

“Oz?” His question teetered on a squeak. “What’s going on?”

I don’t know. Behind the blank mask, Ozpin’s thoughts roiled like a storm. We need to speak with someone.

“Who?”

Preferably someone that lives in the city.

A few people scattered out of his way as Oscar backtracked, nearly tripping over himself in his haste to run up to the closest stall. “Excuse me? Miss?”

The shopkeep—a red panda Faunus—turned her attention from the ammunition she’d been casing to regard him with liquid amber eyes. “Can I help you?” she drawled.

“Why isn’t the lift working for Haven Academy?” Oscar asked. To their shared bemusement, the vendor gave him a ragged grimace.

“You thinking about enrolling? Sorry to say classes won’t be starting back up for another month. Not that we couldn’t use more Huntsmen,” she remarked. Her bottlebrush tail flicked out behind her.

“What?” His mind momentarily blanked. “No, I—I need to see someone up there. Why does the school require clearance?” Remembering what Ozpin had told him, Oscar added, “I thought the campus was available to the public.”

She spat at the ground, her expression turning momentarily contemptuous. “Haven’t you heard, kid? The Council’s imposed all these new ordinances on the city. Got one from the headmaster saying access to the school is restricted to faculty and students only, unless you’ve got a prearranged meeting with academy liaisons. Damn paranoid, if you ask me, with all these useless ‘heightened security’ measures.”

Try as Ozpin might to conceal it, Oscar didn’t miss the fleeting panic that seized him.

“So if you really wanna talk to someone there, you’ll need to either contact a Councilman—hah, good luck with that!—or find a teacher walking around the streets. You’ll prob’ly have just as much success teaching a Beowolf to play fetch, though. Most of the teachers aren’t even in the city right now.”

This time, Ozpin couldn’t disguise his horror, and it gripped the two of them in tandem. He’s left the Relic unguarded?

What Relic? Oscar asked.

Ozpin ignored him.

“Most of ’em have been dismissed, from what I hear.” She pulled her headscarf more securely over her forehead. “Off on sabbaticals or missions or maybe they’re unionizing, for all I know. It’s tanked my business, I’ll tell you that much. Two-thirds of my revenue were staff commissions.”

Oscar worked his mouth, and nothing came out.

“And it’s not like I’ll be seeing my imports any time soon, thanks to the Dust embargo.” Fingertips drummed an absent pattern against the countertop. “You all right, kid? Looking a bit pale.”

Oscar’s throat clicked as he swallowed. “I’m fine,” he answered, a little too quickly.

The vendor scrutinized him beneath the chiffon veil that shielded her eyes. “Chek-rohkah,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. “There’s an apothecary down the road if you’re under the weather.”

“No, really, I think I’m okay,” Oscar lied. He turned to leave, and only stopped himself long enough to offer a brief inclination of his head. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

He waited until he found a nice, secluded spot away from the bulk of the crowd before he had his mental breakdown.

“Oh gods, oh gods. This can’t be happening.” Oscar tore his bag off his shoulders and unceremoniously threw it, and himself, onto the cobblestones. A gloved hand reached up to his face and scrubbed his cheeks. “What are we going to do?” he croaked. “We can’t just wait a month to see someone.”

I agree. For a disembodied voice, Ozpin was doing a good impression of pacing. His agitation was a force of nature. Haven Academy is not impregnable, and without its staff the school is vulnerable. What is he playing at?

“That’s what you’re worried about?” Oscar asked in mild disbelief. “Not, where are we going to stay for the next four weeks?”

Ozpin stilled. No, you’re quite right. My apologies. We’ll figure something out.

“How?” He let out a breathy, panicked sound, before he could snatch it back. “Unless you’ve got some other secret contact in Mistral we can hit up, then there’s no one here. You heard what she said: everyone is gone. And I don’t have the lien to pay for room and board at a tavern. Or food. I’ve only got the stuff I packed.”

Instinctively, Oscar reached for the rucksack by his side, longing to hold it to his chest and just bury his face in the familiar cloth. The hand brushed against empty space.

His breath caught in his chest.

“No—” He scrambled to his feet, face whipping back and forth as he scanned the roadside. “It was—it was right here. I just had it—”

But a single glance told him what he already knew: He’d let his guard down, and now, he was paying for it.

“No,” Oscar bleated, again, because he couldn’t think of anything else to say. “No…”

He expected a rebuke for being careless, or some sagely yet misplaced advice offered in lieu of anything constructive. Ozpin spoke, and it was the gentlest he’d heard him sound yet. I’m so sorry, Oscar.

For a long moment Oscar numbly stared. The faces in the distant crowd passed him, a blurred kaleidoscope of featureless colors and shapes, and the only thing he could hear was his pulse beating a staccato rhythm in his eardrums. Around him, the world dissolved into meaningless backdrop.

“All of my things,” he said. The words came out as a hoarse whisper. “My clothes, my bedroll, the provisions from home. Stolen. Gone.” In retrospect, a small part of him would be grateful he hadn’t thought to pack anything with more monetary value, or that he’d talked himself out of bringing irreplaceable keepsakes from home. There was a sudden, lurching sensation in his navel, like he’d been sucker-punched. His arm shook.

Whatever Ozpin had been about to say next, he never got the chance to tell him before Oscar snatched up an empty whiskey bottle from the ground. He put as much feeling as he could into the movement, and lobbed it against the mountainside. Glass shards ricocheted off the stone and skated across the cobblestone.

“Gods damn it!” Panic and hysteria and rage welled up like bile in his throat. Oscar made an inarticulate sound as he grabbed a second bottle and pitched it into the rock. It shattered. “I’m hundreds of miles from home and trapped in a city where I could get stabbed or abducted because I’ll have to sleep on a bench! And for what? Just so I can get turned away at the doorstep by some guy I’ve never met, all because the voice in my head told me to!”

Ozpin was dutifully silent as he rode out the worst of the tantrum. He waited until Oscar was sitting on the ground again, knees drawn up to his chest and his patchwork rag pressed against his mouth to smother the dry sobs he so badly wanted to make. (He wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t. Not here.) A dull, burning ache made itself present at the back of his throat.

“…I’m sorry I said that,” he mumbled, when he was sure he could talk again without saying something stupid. “I just—I needed to get that out of my system, I think.”

Ozpin sighed, and it was telling how the gesture seemed self-directed. The noise had a worn-parchment quality to it. I understand, Oscar. You have nothing to apologize for.

Oscar glanced up at the sky. A dull pink glow was receding over the horizon, replaced by the first few glinting stars come to herald the night.

You’re so young, Ozpin murmured. And it’s been…a long time since I went through this same process. Age is inconvenient; it’s allowed me to forget the extent of the sacrifices involved.

The headmaster’s presence brushed against his own. Thoughts and memories and emotions dammed behind a wall that should have ruptured long ago, still holding against the inevitable cascade. There was a vain comfort being offered to him, Oscar realized, when no other forms were available. Slowly, he uncoiled, forcing the muscles in his body to untense, his breaths coming in steadier intakes than the gulping ones from before. It took him a moment to realize that Ozpin was gently coaxing him through the motions.

You don’t need to be stressed any more than you currently are, he said, by way of explanation. I know I’ve asked too much of you as it is, but I need you to keep walking. Give me some time to reconsider our options, until I have a solution for our current predicament. At the least, long enough to think of how we can procure accommodations.

Just the thought of not having to sleep outside was enough to motivate him. Unsteadily, Oscar rose.

“Is there…” He cleared his throat. “Is there somewhere you want me to go, specifically?”

The act itself is enough. Though it would be in our best interest to stay on the higher levels. When Oscar stiffened, Ozpin hurriedly reassured, Criminal activity is greater at the base of the city. Kidnapping requires more than just a degree of stealth, and none would dare attempt it on the upper ramparts.

This time, there was a surety to Ozpin’s words, and sheer exhaustion had him blindly leaning against what trust was presented. He was too tired to argue.

And so Oscar trudged through the thinning crowds, his gaze wandering aimlessly between the sights. Ornamental lanterns smoldered overhead, their orange glow a dim comfort as they pooled molten light over the paths. Mistral had a night life of its own: various clubs had opened their doors to entice customers with heavy percussive music and the promise of drinks. He saw a fresh round of merchants advertising goods, including a perfume stand that he stopped at long enough to acquire a conditioned hatred of the heady fragrance. One place he walked past had a group of people loitering outside, scantily clad and wearing various degrees of nothing. An onlooker catcalled, and he found an excuse to be literally anywhere else.

“Are brothels even legal?” Oscar asked, when he was confident he’d put at least a mile between them.

The question seemed to startle Ozpin out of whatever reverie he’d lapsed into. It’s less a matter of legality, and more what people are comfortable with trying to get away with, he answered, in a tone cool with censure.

Huh. That was interesting.

Oscar filed that reaction away for later. His attention turned to a nearby stall, where cords of herbed chicken hung from the rafters. Someone was grilling, and the overpowering smoke-smell of charcoal and spices had him remembering that oh, yeah, he didn’t have food anymore. What a great time to realize his last meal had been on the train hours ago.

To his embarrassment, his stomach growled.

“…What’s your opinion on stealing?” Oscar inquired, in what he hoped passed for an offhand tone.

Whatever answer Ozpin had been about to give, it petered off. Intrigued, Oscar scanned the area, and saw what had distracted him: Mistrali pilots. The pair still had their aviation uniforms on, but going by the rate they were tossing back shots, they’d likely just finished their shift.

“—patrol by the defunct colonies,” the one was telling the vendor. He ran a hand through cropped dun hair. “It’s been silent out there for weeks. Which don’t get me wrong, if it’s a toss-up between dick all or strafing Grimm packs with turret fire, you know I’m gonna pick the one where my corpse doesn’t get mailed home to my kids in a body bag. But you need action to enliven things from time to time. Shit gets dull out there fast.”

“That’s not the way I hear it.” The merchant fished out a bottle from beneath the counter. “Daiyu said your last mission was busy.”

The other pilot shrugged. “‘Busy’ is one way of looking at it,” he agreed. “We missed most of the action. Though frankly I’m kind of glad we did. Whatever those Huntsmen killed, it was nightmare fuel.”

Ozpin’s interest sharpened.

The merchant shuffled a stack of lien. “Don’t suppose you’re feeling charitable?” they asked. “I’m dead for gossip around here.”

To which the first pilot raised his glass. “Only if the charity’s mutual.” He grinned.

“Spoken like a true philanthropist.” The merchant tipped the contents of a large fizzing bottle into their cups. It frothed over the rim and a little sloshed onto the counter. “So,” they said. “Any casualties?”

“One of the guys we had to evac out.” The second pilot swished the liquid around in his glass. “Something envenomed him, don’t know what. When we picked him up the wound was infected. By the time we got back to the hospital, the onboard field medics had to treat him for anaphylaxis twice. And this one kid was just not letting go of him. Her team had to pry her off before they could get him into surgery.”

The merchant ducked their head. “Do you know if he made it?”

“Thankfully, yes. ER had the antivenom he needed. The rest of the Huntsmen were fine. A few broken Auras, but in their line of work that’s just an occupational hazard.”

“Damn straight,” the first pilot chipped in. “I’m kinda hoping they stick around. Dunno if you’ve noticed, but there’s a bit of a shortage around here when it comes to professional killers.”

“There are plenty of professional killers on the lower levels. Or do they not count anymore?” the merchant asked, dry as Dust.

“Professional killers that specialize in Grimm, then,” he amended. “You should’ve seen them. Well, maybe you will. It’s only been a few days, they probably haven’t left Mistral yet. But hell, they were armed to the teeth! The one girl had some sort of modified scythe.”

Oscar was nearly cowed by the powerful surge of recognition that came from Ozpin. Images too fast to see flitted through his mind, and the bits he was able to make out—black wings, silver eyes, rose petals—didn’t make any sense to him.

“…Oz?” Oscar cautiously said the name aloud.

There’s a bar, Ozpin said, on Jade Street called Pour Decisions. We need to go there. Now.

He was still a bit disoriented from the mental highlights reel Oz had just screened for him. Oscar reached up to knead at his temples. “Okay, but why?”

Because there’s a high likelihood we’ll find one of my colleagues there.

Oscar picked up speed, his fatigue instantly forgotten. “You’re sure?”

It’s his favorite bar in Mistral. At this time of night, I can’t imagine where else he would be.

Well, if that didn’t speak volumes of Ozpin’s standards in friends.

Try to reserve your judgment for when you meet him. The chastisement lacked any real disapproval though. Ozpin seemed too—what, excited?—to bother with keeping up a lecturing front.

Oscar wanted to ask more questions, but his own flutteriness had returned. Time did this funny little skip, where he was running up stone steps one second, and the next, he stood in front of a mahogany door.

His name is Qrow Branwen, Ozpin told him. If I’m not mistaken, he’s in possession of my—our—weapon.

Oscar blinked. “I have a weapon?” he repeated.

You do. Ozpin sounded pleased. In time and with experience, you’ll be able to use it.

He couldn’t really find fault with that, for once. Oscar reached to open the door, only to pause mid-motion.

Oscar? Is something wrong?

“This is really happening, isn’t it?” Oscar spoke with a careful slowness. “When I walk through this door, everything changes. I don’t get to turn back.”

It wasn’t a question.

No, I’m afraid not. The die is cast, as they say.

“Is it wrong that I’m still kind of scared?” There. The words were out, before he could take them back.

To his surprise, he felt a flash of warmth. When Ozpin answered him, his voice had evened out into his usual, vaguely-amused lilt.

If you weren’t the slightest bit scared, I’d say you were insane.

#rwby #rwby fics #rwby thought dump #one way ticket #ozpin #oscar pine #mistral #my posts #filling the gaps #arcadian

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tebbyclinic11 · 6 years

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Firstchop Meal Plan Review: My First Sous Vide Exp...

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Cooking meat can be tricky business. There are so many diseases that can be spread when you undercook. Overcooking, on the other hand, means you have to sacrifice on taste, but, at least you don’t get sick, right?

Great food is one of the true pleasures of life, and you shouldn’t have to overpay for quality meat cooked right. That’s what makes sous vide such an innovative way of cooking. If you’re not familiar with it, we’ve written a detailed sous vide guide that will help you understand just how it works.

As a mom, I’m all about saving time and making dinner as simple as possible. If you’re thinking of incorporating sous vide into your culinary repertoire, keep reading to see how my first experience went with Firstchop Meal Kit.

About Firstchop

So, just who is Firstchop and what do they do to make your life healthier and more convenient? Founded by CEO Ajay Narain and Executive Chef Marc Rasic in 2016, it’s been the goal of the company to share the secret of making the hardest part of dinner the easiest.

While microwaves have made it easier to take food from a frozen to hot state, they also tend to leave meats very dry and tough. Using the sous vide method, it’s Firstchop’s goal to offer everyone the ability to achieve flavorful, juicy meats quickly and just right every time.

Ajay first discovered sous vide when he cooked too much for a party. When he was able to effectively reheat the leftovers for another party using the sous vide method, he quickly saw the many situations in which it can save both time and money.

It’s Like Having Your Own Personal Chef!

If you’re like me, the thought of having a personal chef is pretty laughable. When you consider hiring someone with qualifications, it’s just not in the budget. However, that’s exactly what you’re getting when you order from Firstchop as your food was prepared by a chef who:

Cooked for the royal family of Luxembourg

Ran kitchens for Google

Launched multiple restaurants and cooking products

Marc Rasic also has a family to cook for just like many of us, so he understands the importance of convenience.

When you use this service, you’re getting meats that are delicately seasoned, seared, and cooked. They’re then frozen and shipped to you quickly and efficiently. My food was very well insulated and still frozen at my doorstep. All you have to do is reheat using the sous vide wand. Your dinner tastes freshly made every time

Firstchop Meat Sourcing

All meat used by the Firstchop meal kit is conventional. While we hear a lot about grass fed and organic meat, the reality is that the vast majority of consumers actually don’t have a preference.

Firstchop wanted to ensure they were giving their customers what they truly wanted, so they conducted a survey and found that:

80% of consumers would opt for grass fed/organic meats, but only if it cost the same as conventional.

Unfortunately, the cost to consumers would be a minimum of 50% higher. Considering the majority of the market would be unwilling to cough up the extra money for organic, it makes good business sense to use conventional meats. All meats are USDA-approved.

Ordering & Unboxing

Ordering is very simple. Keep in mind when you order that they do ship on Tuesdays. Orders placed after Monday at 5 p.m. will be shipped the following Tuesday. You should expect your order to show up that Thursday or Friday depending on your location.

Bulky Packaging

When your order shows up, you’ll notice the box seems pretty bulky for what’s inside. Keep in mind that the Firstchop meal kit has to ensure safe, cold transportation. They put a lot of effort into designing the most compact box possible to get the job done. You can recycle the box, but the mylar liner and plastic pouches that cover the meats are not. You’ll need to throw those in the trash.

I would like to see more effort going into making the packaging more compact. There was quite a bit of trash. However, my food did arrive fresh and frozen. You’ll want to get your food in the freezer or refrigerator immediately. When your starter box arrives, you’ll receive:

Firstchop sous vide wand

Four proteins with the choices of

Beef chuck short rib

Petite medallions

Tuscan pork shoulder

Osso buco lamb

Sriracha chicken breast

Peruvian style chicken breast

Pork loin with black garlic

Spicy hot green curry chicken breast

Your initial order will consist of two boxes. The larger box contains your meats while the smaller houses your sous vide wand. Once you have the wand, you can then opt for Firstchop’s 4-Pack or 8-Pack options.

I like that Firstchop allows for you to order their products as gifts. We all eat, right? What better gift than one of a delicious, convenient meal delivered at your doorstep? If you want to order Firstchop as a gift with a different shipping address, email support. They will even put in a card with anything you want written on it.

Corporate orders receive a custom quote. Just send an email to [email protected] with the details of your request.

The Sous Vide Wand: How It Works

The Sous Vide Wand really was simple to use. I love how the system is set up to where you never have to touch raw food. Aside from the yuck factor, this can also cut down on the spread of disease.

If you’re familiar with Anova, this looks similar. The main difference is that Firstchop’s wand isn’t WiFi-compatible, so you can’t use your smartphone to control it. On the other hand, the Firstchop wand is about half the price. For me, this is preferable.

Step-by-Step Setup

Clamp the adjustable ring clip onto your sous vide bath. Bath size is not to exceed 15 L and must allow at least 4.25 inches of water.

Fill your bath container to a level that won’t exceed the MAX fill line on the wand.

Slip the wand vertically into the handle on the clamp. It will fit securely. Make sure water doesn’t pass the MAX line or exceed the MIN line.

The top of the wand has three buttons:

Temperature- allows you to set the desired temperature

Time- allows you to set a timer

Play/Pause- allows you to select and initiate settings

To set temperature:

Push the Temperature button

Turn the knob on the side of the wand until you reach desired temperature

Push Play/Pause button to initiate this temperature setting

To set timer

Push the Timer button

Turn the knob on the side of the wand until you reach desired time

Push Play/Pause button to initiate timer

It’s super simple. In our experience, it took about the same amount of time to heat up the water as it did to cool down. Cool down happens naturally and is not achieved through the use of the sous vide wand.

Remember that you can’t overcook. This means you don’t have to wait for the target temperature to be met before dropping in your meat.

To make heating as quick as possible, use the hottest tap water you have when you initially fill your sous vide bath. When your wand is activated, you’ll hear the soft whir of the machine churning the water as it heats up. You’ll notice a small fan at the tip of the wand. This spins when the wand is on to circulate the water and change the temperature.

Again, since you can’t overcook using the sous vide cooking method, you can drop your meat in the bath before the target temperature is met.

What’s That Sound?

If you’re worried about the noise, I thought it was actually quite pleasant. When the wand is functioning properly, it sounds like a light babbling brook. A whistling sound is also normal. The following sounds, on the other hand, are indicators of problems:

Grinding

Pump housing may be loose- see manual to correct

Hissing or Beeping

Bubbling or swishing

The best part is that, as long as your temperature is set correctly, you can’t overcook your meat. This is something I sometimes struggle with, so this is an excellent feature. Just try not to leave your meats in the bath longer than two hours.

The sous vide wand will fluctuate within a half a degree higher and lower than the set temperature, so it cooks very steady. Don’t attempt to reheat your Firstchop foods without using the wand. You will ruin your meat because the wand works to heat the proteins back to the precise temperature required for the best taste.

What to Do If Your Wand is Beeping

A beeping wand typically indicates you don’t have enough water in your container. Make sure your fill line is at least to the MIN line on the sous vide wand.

This happened to us when we were cooking two meats on the same day. The cooking temperatures of the two varied too much to cook together, so they were cooked one after another. When I removed the first, the wand began to beep due to the displacement cause by the meat in the bath. This can also occur as the water evaporates.

Our Meals: Opinions from the Whole Family

Firstchop offers numerous recipes you can enjoy. If you choose, they will even send new recipe ideas to your inbox.

For the course of this review, we’ll be taking a look at the following recipes recommended by Firstchop that I tried out using the four meats I selected.

Spicy Green Curry Chicken

Served over rice to help dilute it some of the heat

Spicy flavor means this meal goes great with an off-dry Riesling

HEATING INSTRUCTIONS:

From Thawed 25 min @ 150°F

From Frozen 45 min @ 150°F

Beef Chuck Short Ribs– a hefty cut of roast slow-cooked in port wine

You’ll get a great gravy when you open your package, and this paired very well with our garlic mashed potatoes and salad.

Goes great with Cabernet Sauvignon

HEATING INSTRUCTIONS:

From thawed – 25 min @ 167°F

From frozen – 45 min @ 167°F

Peppercorn Beef Medallions– thick cut from shoulder coated with crushed, smoked black peppercorns and cooked medium rare.

After reheating, give the medallions a quick sear in butter to give a little more heat and color

We paired our meal with roasted potatoes.

Consider pairing with martini or bottle of Rioja Reserva

HEATING INSTRUCTIONS:

From Thawed 25 min @ 132°F

From Frozen 45 min @ 132°F

Boneless Osso Bucco Lamb Shoulder with Root Vegetables– cooked in a flavorful sauce with pearl onions and carrots that have impressed even people who don’t have a taste for lamb.

We served our Osso Bucco with potatoes, a polento-inspired gravy, and risotto.

Consider serving with a Barolo, Barbaresco, or other Piemonte red

HEATING INSTRUCTIONS:

From Thawed 25 min @ 167°F

From Frozen 45 min @ 167°F

Make sure you use tongs when removing and open your meat carefully when it’s done reheating. It’s hot!

Heat Disclaimer

If you don’t like spicy food, the Spicy Green Curry Chicken can be a little harsh. However, if you’re like me and appreciate spicy food, I think you’ll really enjoy it. If you’re not sure, keep a glass of milk on hand!

How do You Like Your Meat Cooked?

When it comes to cooking meat, we have different preferences. For example, I like mine well done. Some meats like the Peppercorn Beef is cooked to medium rare and can be reheated up to well done. For each level of doneness, just increase the temperature by a few degrees. For example, in the case of the Peppercorn Beef, the following applies:

132°F for medium rare (this is the instructed temperature and how the meat was originally cooked)

136°F for medium

140°F for medium well

145°F for well done

A Look at Our Favorites

Let’s take a look at what we each thought of the meats. We’ve provided a little insight into the types of food we like so you can get a feeling of whose preferences may match yours more closely.

We have listed the meats from favorite to least favorite for each person.

Jessica: Team Short Rib

Age: 33

Favorite Food: Roasted potatoes slow cooked with carrots and roast beef

Least Favorite Food- Seafood

MY TOP PICK: Beef Chuck Short Ribs

Very savory. You can tell this was cooked professionally. There is a rich flavor, and the resultant gravy was awesome on our garlic mashed potatoes. Excellent seasoning.

Spicy Green Curry Chicken

I loved the pairing of spicy with a hint of kafir lime leaves. It wasn’t quite as tender as the lamb or beef, so that made me a little sad. However, I think it went very well with the rice. Rice + Spice = Nice! If you like really spicy food like I do, and I’ve eaten ghost peppers, it may not be quite as spicy as you’re looking for. However, the average person may want to eat with a glass of milk!

Peppercorn Beef Medallions

I’m not a fan of any type of red in the middle, but I did like the flavor. If you like your meat well-done, increase the reheat temperature to 136 degrees F. I also wish it were a bit more tender like short ribs.

Boneless Osso Bucco Lamb Shoulder with Root Vegetables

The sauce is very flavorful, and it was tender due to the slow cook. It has a very pleasant aroma, and I think serving with the riscotto paired well.

Jacob: Team Lamb

Age: 13

Favorite Food: Lasagna

Least Favorite Food: Chicken Alfredo

MY TOP PICK: Boneless Osso Bucco Lamb Shoulder with Root Vegetables

This is my first time eating lamb, and I think the carrot and onion juice marinates the meat very well. This is a really good first impression. If you think you want to try lamb, this is really good.

Beef Chuck Short Ribs

Very tender. I like the way the meat falls apart in your mouth. Perfectly salted. You can taste a hint of wine. Marinated perfectly. Compliments to the chef!

Spicy Green Curry Chicken

Could be a bit more spicy. Well salted. I wish it was cooked a little slower so it would be more tender. Overall, impressed that he made a piece of chicken into such a delicious hunk of meat!

Peppercorn Beef Medallions

I like that it’s medium rare, but this was my least favorite because it was a bit lacking in salt. I also would have liked it if it were more tender. I think it could have been marinated a little longer.

Jenna: Team Beef Medallion

Age: 11

Favorite Food: Green Bean Casserole

Least Favorite Food: Flan

MY TOP PICK: Peppercorn Beef Medallions

Really good. Chewy… less tender. Kind of reminds me of steak cooked outside on the grill. The outdoorsy taste and texture makes it my favorite.

Beef Chuck Short Ribs

Tastes good. Very hearty.

Spicy Green Curry Chicken

Has a lemony flavor. Not too spicy, but a hint of spiciness. Tender. Juicy.

Boneless Osso Bucco Lamb Shoulder with Root Vegetables

Flavorful. Very good. So many flavors I don’t know what to say! Tender.

Other Options by Firstchop

Firstchop offers a variety of meats aside from the four I chose. You can also select:

Many people are skeptical buying food over the Internet. It is a relatively new concept, and you don’t get to see what you’re buying until it arrives at your doorstep. That’s why Firstchop offers a very fair guarantee.

If you aren’t happy with any of the items you receive, they will provide you with a refund. Using their 30 day money back guarantee and one year replacement warranty on their sous vide wand, you have the confidence you need to at least see if sous vide is right for you. If anything’s wrong with the wand, just let them know, and they’ll provide a prepaid shipping label to return it.

If you’ve ever tried to return meat to the grocery store, you were likely turned away. In this case, you’re better protected buying your meat through Firstchop.

All Firstchop’s products have been inspected and approved by the USDA. Keep in mind the portions are enough for two adults. If feeding a family, you’ll need to order accordingly.

We’ve provided our honest opinions, and I ensured everyone’s feedback was provided confidentially to eliminate potential influence. Overall, our experience with Firstchop was very positive.

To ensure we provide you with an in-depth and reliable idea of what to expect should you decide to order, I took a look around to see if my experience was reflective of what other customers report. Here’s what I found:

PROS

I’ve seen complaints that you don’t get to pick your proteins, but I was able to pick mine. As someone who doesn’t eat pork, I appreciated this. If you come across similar misinformation, keep in mind this was changed in March 2018 shortly following the feedback. This shows the company is quick to implement change and values what customers have to say… always a big plus in my books!

Cooking the meats is effortless

Sous vide wand is less expensive than some top competitors

Meat is consistently very tender

Whole cuts of beef, poultry, pork, and lamb are used

Excellent seasoning

Plenty of variety

Under $5 per serving

CONS

Box is bulky

Mylar liner and the plastic pouches around the meats are not recyclable

No WiFi compatibility with sous vide wand to heat up water while you’re out of the kitchen

No organic option. Although the majority of customers aren’t willing to pay the necessary extra amount over conventional meat, I have seen customers who say they’d be willing to pay extra if this were made to be an option.

No temperature instructions for various levels of doneness

The meat sizes vary, but this doesn’t make a difference in cost- if you like items that weigh less like the Peruvian chicken at six ounces, there isn’t a lower cost than if you pick something like the spicy chicken at 14 ounces.

Whether you’ve already received your order or are excitedly awaiting its arrival, there are a few things you’ll want to know as a customer.

How do I manage my subscription?

Log into account and click the Manage Subscription button

To cancel subscription, just email [email protected]

Is meat USDA approved?

How long can you refrigerate meats?

How long can you freeze meats?

Can I overcook using sous vide method?

With the correct temperature set, you can’t overcook, but Firstchop recommends limiting the bath to no more than two hours

Can I cook more than one meat simultaneously?

If heating times are similar you may

Is meat safe to eat if bag fills with water?

Do I need to sear the meat after reheating?

No, but you can if you want to

How much time total should I set aside to prepare my meats

One hour to consider preheating time

As you can see, Firstchop takes a lot of the headache out of dinner, so what’s the cost? Considering the quality of the meats and the fact that they’re all prepared by a professional check, it’s pretty reasonable.

Firstchop understands needs and budgets vary. Whether you want to make Firstchop your go-to dinner solution every night or just need a small amount to supplement your weekly menu, there’s a plan to meet your needs:

Starter Box- 4-Pack and Sous Vide Wand

Custom 4-Pack Box of Sous Vide-Ready Meats

Custom 8-Pack

Once you’ve purchased your starter box, you won’t need to repurchase the sous vide wand. At that point, it’s up to you to decide between the 4 or 8-pack options. I found these options make it easier to fit into your budget.

Firstchop Review: Our Final Verdict

As someone who’s always been a fan of the convenience of crockpot food and loved the slow-cooked tenderness of meat, Firstchop was a new and exciting method that delivers the same quality in a fraction of the time. It’s great for busy people.

When cooking, meats can be the most time consuming component with the highest degree of error in cooking. I love that Firstchop takes the complication out of dinner and allows me to eat in style without ever leaving the house.

I was surprised that my family’s favorite meats included so much variance. I think this shows they have something for everyone. The sides that constitute a whole meal are inexpensive and typically only consist of some vegetables or rice. I love that you can cook more than one protein at a time, and, since the meat comes pre-cooked, there’s no need to sear it before applying the sous vide cooking method. All you have to do is serve!

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