#still one of the funniest things that ever happened to me

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 5: Flip Slip.

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 4.5)

[the-one-with-spider-brainrot]

Crime that I can't marry my followers to each other, these two have done nothing but act like the most smitten husbands ever and I can't wed them together?! Smh my fucking head

[todayisafridaynight]

sorry that im obsessed with him <- is not sorry

[peaches2217]

When I was in college, I wrote a lot of fanfiction for Kung Fu Panda and was involved in the fandom sphere here on Tumblr. A grown-ass adult — I forget her exact age but I know she was at least a good bit older than me — wrote an entire callout post while I was working on my first smut fic, calling me, and I quote, a stain on society for writing sexual content for the series. Didn’t matter that said content explicitly occurred between two consenting adult characters, didn’t matter that I took pains to ensure it was properly tagged and unwitting underage readers wouldn’t stumble upon it; “It’s a series for children, you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking about these characters like that!”

“Stain on Society” actually ended up becoming my smut tag, and I wrote enough smut that, to this day, muscle memory will still occasionally lead me to tagging my more sexually-charged posts in such a manner. So if ever I make a heartfelt smutty post and you see “stain on society” in the tags, now you know why. 😆

[redstonedust]

aye fellow person rescued by the coast guard, what’s your story (if you want to share)? i was 7 and on a ring floaty and realized i was out too far and froze and my mom didn’t notice til too late lol. it was fine tho

IM GLAD YOU WERE FINE OOF. mine was very silly but i love telling the story hang on this is gonna be a deep dive bc the context around the rescue is far wilder than the rescue itself.

ok its like a year into the pandemic, mid august, and i MISS going outside.. i decide f*ck it, i'm going camping. i ask a discord bot which direction to go, get on a bus, and end up on a beach i only visited as a child. i'm like... hey. ive never been past the rocky outcrop at the end of this beach. i wonder whats down there??

the answer is more rocks. lots of large, slippery rocks. eventually i stumble across a wooden structure surrounded by trash that looks like someone was living there. i say screw it, set up my tent, and start watching a my little pony video essay while i cook marshmallows. a drunk polish man stumbles along the beach, sees me camping, and calls me crazy. i assume he came from the holiday park about a mile further down the coast. he wanders off in the direction i came from.

a few hours later, its dark, and i hear movement outside my tent. i'm scared sh*tless but i peek out and find out the same drunk man. he's bleeding profusely and missing a shoe. turns out those rocks were NOT kind to him. he's still drunk and wants to sleep in my tent and i'm like... okay no. so i pack it away, call emergecy services, and start helping him limp down the beach.

its around this time i find out that we've been completely cut off by the tide. while i'm on the phone he starts climbing the cliffside and disappears. the coastguard pulls in, i explain the situation, and get a ride back to safety while they launch a ground search for the guy. i later find out we were on like the most notoriously deadly stretch of coastline on my island and also this guy is notorious for disappearing and has had emergency services called on him like 5 times.

anyways i got a ride home and woke up to 15 texts from my mom asking what the hell happened because last thing she heard i was heading towards [redacted] bay and now theres local news about a couple of idiots being rescued. also they accidentally reported us as a couple. i have not been camping since. god bless.

[electricbluebutterflies]

Happy eight years since the second time my "teenage acquaintance almost tried to climb through a ceiling vent for understandable-if-a-little-desperate reasons" story got me in minor trouble, I guess?

[bromantically]

i think one of the best times in my life was when i was hyperfixated on botw and became ridiculously and autistically attached to beedle and so i went looking for beedle content and ran across a blog dedicated to beedle and i followed them and even sent asks and there was this one anon who sent a ridiculous ask about saying beedle is actually some greedy bourgeois bastard who hoards resources to sell for profit and i was like HELLO???? and i was so thrilled and delighted about the blog in general because it was so silly. and then i found out it was an april fools joke

[egoarc4de]

cannot express to you guys the emotion i felt getting jumpscared by walter white mid-lecture

[twilightarcade]

Project is so finished you have no idea

[charbway]

[castielsupernatural]

do you think they included the destiel related crash in these stats

[toastsnaffler]

uwgrhrhfbf feeling very pathetic + missing my ex rn..... not so much the dating part but we were best friends for soooo long :^(((

[todayisafridaynight]

What do you think Jo is ugly and it pissed off people?

no my friend nono you got it all wrong. no its the opposite.

[shiny-rock-in-the-sand]

“Gifted kid” this “Gifted kid that”, WHERE is all the love for kids who’s sixth grade teachers wrote notes about on a clipboard for a month and then referred to a psychiatric office!

[creekfiend]

I have been having a really weird experience this summer, which is that I fell in love for the first time. I'm 36, and if you'd asked me if I had ever been in love previously, I would have said "I don't know, maybe? I used to think so but now I'm not sure? What's it mean to be in love?? how would I know if I had or not???" I thought that because I had not experienced it myself, the people who were always saying "oh no, trust me, You Would Know" were all lying or otherwise mistaken. I DID NOT BELIEVE THEM. I was fully like "this is some sort of mass delusion, there's no way that's a thing"

Now that I know that this is something that Exists even if it doesn't always Look Like They Tell You, there's SO many things that make sense to me!!! Whenever I encountered Romance Stuff before, I had no desire to do any of it AND could not comprehend why anyone else would ever want to either. It was this really large experiential disconnect for me. Whether or not I want to do any of those things, I now understand why other people would, if they Were In Love. LIKE I GET IT NOW. IT MAKES SENSE TO ME. I still can't relate to things like people in movies falling in love instantly, but now it's like "oh right, that's a potential state of being that exists," rather than "pretty fucked up that hollywood made Being In Love up to sell more flowers or whatever."

I feel like I'm constantly 24/7 running a software update on my brain that's been overdue to be installed for years or perhaps decades. It's just like "OK YUP UPDATING ALL THESE PROGRAMS AND FOLDERS. THIS WILL TAKE SOME TIME AND DATA BYTES OR WHATEVER, BUCKLE UP!" Pretty sure there's actually one of those little rainbow spinning icons above my head the whole time I'm conscious, like I am some sort of very confused Sim.

This happened to me REALLY SLOWLY, too, so it was like a big blockage in a river, and more and more stuff was just piling up against it, and then the dam broke, and now I'm sitting in the shallows of a giant basin lake under a massive waterfall wringing my hat out and going "woah. they got never before seen types of fish in here"

Who else knew about this??? Unfortunately the answer is: a majority of human beings over a certain age DID in fact know about this, it's just that every time anyone said "this is a way people feel about each other sometimes," I said "hmm. sounds fake." In-cred-i-ble.

Turns out that being in love is just an experience that people can have!! It's just a thing that happens sometimes! Some people have had it happen to them a bunch and some people not at all. It's just A Thing That Can Happen To You. Wtf. WHAT WILL I DISCOVER NEXT????? IT COULD BE ANYTHING !!! WHAT WOULD BE THE FUNNIEST POSSIBLE NEXT THING FOR ME TO REALIZE EXISTS? ONLY TIME WILL TELL. (Can you fucking imagine having this happen to you when you are in your seventies or eighties rather than your mid thirties ????? THAT WOULD BE THE WORLD'S MOST DISORIENTING EXPERIENCE.) (I also thought that "having chemistry" was fake.) (Do not diagnose me, I PROMISE I already know)

[elliesdoll]

pt.2 to my angsty loser!ellie drabble 𝜗𝜚

nsfw! ellie gets caught and that’s literally it. i hate this so bad but it’s whateva

(part 3 will have lesbian gay lesbian boob vagina butt sex i promise. no more ellie masturbating)

find pt.1 here! & pt.3 here :3

daily click! don’t buy tlou free palestine

after ellie’s pathetic masturbation sesh, she vowed to herself to fucking pull it together.

she wasn’t gonna let herself mope over you, because she knew you had an active sex life. she forced herself to be fine with it. to be fine with the people you decided to bring to your bed. she wanted to be near you without feeling this suffocating feeling of yearning and lust filling her insides.

and if that meant tucking her feelings to the deepest pits of hell, then so fucking be it.

a few weeks had passed since that little moment you and ellie had. the one where she had showed up to your house in the middle of you hooking up with someone.

the morning after, she has awoken to a string of texts from you, all apologizing for that awkward moment.

11:34pm

ellie i’m so sorry you had to see me like that. i didn’t mean to come off rude.

i wanted to go after you but i couldn’t really leave her alone in my house lol

els?

i’m really sorry. i hope u don’t think you can’t come to my house ever again ☹️ i actually thought it was sweet you showed up like that.

2:12am

goodnight ellie. i hope things aren’t awkward between us.

god, you made her feel awful. you were too fucking sweet to her. the way you never missed a single night when telling her goodnight, even after something like that. she rubbed her swollen face, mainly from crying, and typed a short message to you.

9:47am

hey, sorry for rushing away like that. idk why i did that lmfao

and things aren’t awkward at all, i shouldn’t have just showed up unnanounced

no els seriously! you should do that more often. tbh i wanted to hang out with you more than that girl… but yk i couldn’t 💔💔

she smiled at your kind text, glad that you two could just put it behind yourselves. her moment of relief was quickly replaced by disgust, when she saw the state of herself and her bed. her inner thighs sticky with dried cum, and her sheets below her still damp with all the extra release.

“gross..” she mumbled to herself, getting up and immediately throwing on some boxers and a tshirt, feeling way too vulnerable being naked like that. she went to the bathroom and cleaned herself up, then threw her sheets in the wash.

since then, you two have been fine. you do your weekly hangout sessions, where you grab food and talk about anything for hours on end. it’s almost as if nothing happened.

until one of your sleepovers.

you always convinced ellie to spend the night at your house, at least every other week. whenever it’d get dark outside and ellie would start to get up, you’d give her that irresistible pout and “ughhh, c’mon els.. just spend the night. it’s too dark out for you to go home.”

and every damn time, she agreed. how could she ever say no to you?

one night, you and ellie are high out of your minds, talking about god knows what. all giggly and soft, you two exchange jokes and stories that really make no sense. but, to you two, it’s the funniest thing in the world. after a laughing fit between the two of you, you wipe your tears and sigh.

“god, i love you.”

you say, still catching your breath from that tummy tensing laugh. the words were just an expression of admiration for her. but to ellie, they were so much more.

“i love you too.”

she says, looking you in the eyes. she’s high, so she’s not thinking too hard about how sincere she sounds. but she really should’ve, because that soft tone of her voice and the glint in her eyes make it sound way too fucking real.

“woah,” you let out a nervous, breathy chuckle. “that was a bit theatrical.”

“wh..what do you mean?”

ellie asks, getting a bit nervous. she’s not her usual, stuttery self though. she keeps it together. thanks to the weed.

“just the way you said i love you. it felt like… deep.”

you move your hands as you talk, and ellie just shrugs. but she knows she’s fucked. before she could stop her feelings from resurfacing, she gets that familiar tingle in her belly and pounding of her heart.

“shut up,” she rolls her eyes, trying to play it off.“you’re dramatic.”

her voice wavered with those last words. fuck, her voice wavered. why did she feel like she was gonna have a breakdown any second now? she had to get the hell away from you.

“gotta piss. be back in a bit.”

ellie says quickly, so quick you don’t even have time to retort to her calling you dramatic. you just sit there, confused. you could’ve sworn you heard some uncertainty in her voice, but you let her go.

meanwhile, ellie made a beeline for your bathroom. she shut the door and leaned her head against the wood. she let out a deep sigh, trying to calm herself. the fact that she felt the most intense feeling that she couldn’t even describe over a mere “i love you” had her cringing.

she just couldn’t get over you. the entire night, she tried her best not to think about how good your tits looked in your pajama top, or how badly she wanted to just shove her face into your ass in those little shorts.

her thinking over these details led to the predicament that she’s in right now. sweatpants around her knees, legs slightly spread as she rubs one out while leaned up against your bathroom sink. her eyes are shut and her head is thrown back, letting out the quietist grunts she could muster.

she knew she shouldn’t be doing this, she promised herself that she would stop. but god, you made it hard. she was so wet, it made her cheeks flush red. the simple thought of you had her literally dripping around her own fingers.

you were still in your room, biting your thumbnail as you wait for ellie. you start to get worried, thinking you made her upset by commenting on how she said ‘i love you’. so, you being the thoughtful friend you are, go to check on her.

you quietly walk to the bathroom, putting your ear against the door. you were going to knock and mutter a little “els? are you okay?”, but the sounds you heard made you lose all the words in your mouth.

soft, sharp inhales and tiny sticky noises is all you can hear through the door. it’s a bit hard to listen to, since the soft buzz of the yellow light in there overpowers it. what the hell is she doing in there?

you knew this was wrong. an invasion of privacy to the max. but your curiosity was getting the better of you, and you were worried. you put your hand on the doorknob and slightly twisted it, not expecting it to open. but it did.

did ellie forget to lock the door?

ellie doesn’t hear the soft click of the door opening, too lost in her own pleasure as she practically humps her own hand. it had been too fucking long since she could touch herself to the thought of you. her only guilty pleasure.

her head was still thrown back, eyes squeezed shut as she rubbed her clit at a shockingly fast pace. and you saw it all. you had opening the door just enough for half of your face to see through the opened crack. your whole body froze at the sight in front of you.

she was so captivating. her face looking all fucked out, her pale thighs that were so tensed up, the shininess of her slick that smeared on the heel of her palm. even the quick glimpses of her gorgeous auburn bush that you could see if her hoodie rode up enough.

your tummy felt weird. first, you felt guilty for eavesdropping on your best friend. second, you were confused why the fuck ellie decided now would be the best time to masturbate. third, you were turned on. disgustingly turned on, at that.

a few seconds of watching ellie made your panties get all sticky and wet, and that burning hot feeling in your lower belly. you couldn’t look away.

“ohh, fuck— please,”

your brain short circuited hearing ellie say that. god, she was so lost in her own pleasure. so lost that she accidentally knocked over your toothbrush and hand soap on the sink, causing her to jolt and snap her eyes open.

she looks down at the bottle of soap and toothbrush that landed in front of the bathroom door. the door that’s cracked. her eyes shoot up, and there’s where she sees a glimpse of you running away. a quick flash, but she knew it was you.

she is so fucked.

I HATE RHISNSO BAD RRRR😡

btw i finished this literally like 3 days ago and didn’t wanna post it hut i did anyway ☺️☺️