#stop procrastinating get enough sleep etc etc

[sailor-moon-moon]

So I started the Clone Wars

[i99zhuo]

How to live like wonyoung

this is a guide on daily routines inspired by jang wonyoung!

Content list (routines):

morning

study

workout

shower + self care

night

(_ _ ) . . z Z⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚୨ :★: ୧ ∗  ˖࣪ ໒꒱  ˚₊·

✸ ꒰ morning routine ꒱⋆ ࣪.* ࣪.⋆

Wonyoung starts her days by stretching, this can help to relieve any tension or pain from the night before. Stretching shouldn't take that long to do, so make sure to stretch for at least 5 minutes every day. If you don't know how to do it, you can follow along a tutorial like this one.

Next step is skincare, to create the perfect skincare routine you need to at least wash your face and then use moisturizer and sunscreen, use products based on your skin type and add more steps only if you find it really necessary.

Now it's time for breakfast! Wonyoung loves to drink a cup of soy milk every morning, she also likes to have light and clean breakfast, so a good idea is to have some fruits and yogurt.

Finally, it's time to get ready for the day! Choose a cute outfit and hairstyle that fits the occasion + do your makeup, find your own style and get inspiration from Pinterest!

✸ ꒰ study routine ꒱⋆ ࣪.* ࣪.⋆

First things first, organize your time so you have at least a week to study for exams or get your assignments done. Avoid procrastinating, the more time you have, the less work you'll have to do.

One time, when Wonyoung was asked about study tips, she said that it's important to find your own study style. Study methods don't work on everyone, so it's important to experiment with various methods until you find the one that works the best for you.

Now that we know our study style it's time to actually work and focus hard, for this we need to create the perfect study environment, clean and ventilate your room, turn some instrumental music on (or study with me videos for inspo), get some healthy snacks, water or literally anything to make yourself comfortable! (stuffed animals, pillows, blankets, etc.)

When studying, always focus on understanding the content and continuously solve sample questions, repeating the same material for various days actually helps to remember details better, but if you are in a rush or running out of time you can try and memorize the content.

Take breaks and get enough sleep, taking breaks in between study sessions it's actually more productive than not doing so, some productive ways of taking breaks are meditation, listen to music, reading, journal or taking a power nap, sleep is very important, you can't have a proper study session if you don't have the energy to do so.

Stop comparing yourself with others! You aren't in a competition with the rest, the only opponent you have is yourself, so your goals should always focus on breaking your own records and become even better than your past self.

✸ ꒰ workout routine ꒱⋆ ࣪.* ࣪.⋆

When working out like wonyoung we should aim to improve our posture and be more flexible, this will help when doing Pilates or yoga just like she does. Also, we can focus on losing weight or just toning up our bodies if you don't find it necessary.

Wonyoung love Pilates, you can pick any Pilates workout on YouTube based on your time or in your specific body goals, but here's a Pilates routine inspired by her. Also, if you feel like doing a full body workout, here's another video inspired by wony!

If you don't really like to work out at home, the other options you have is that you can try and join a flying yoga class like Wonyoung! She also spends lots of her time doing dance practice, so choosing your favorite kind of dance could be an option too!

Choose one and start doing it continuously to start seeing results, also, it's very important to have non-physical goals, like feeling happier or meet new friends! Remember to always drink water!

✸ ꒰ shower and self care routine ꒱⋆ ࣪.* ࣪.⋆

Time for some self-care! First, take off your makeup using micellar water or an oil based cleanser (only if you have dry skin!).

Then it's time to hop on the shower and start with our haircare routine, one of wonyoung's charms is her long healthy hair, so make sure to use the right products for your hair. Here's a quick haircare routine you can follow; massage your scalp using a scalp massager or your fingertips, then use the right amount of shampoo only on the scalp, next use a conditioner from middle to ends to moisturize and detangle your hair. If you identify a problem with your hair (for example too dry, difficult to manage, etc.) you can add using a hair mask to this routine!

While we leave the products in our heads for a few minutes, it's time for bodycare! always clean your body with soap and a loofa, if needed exfoliate your body 1-2 times a week for super soft skin! Next is shaving, shave only if needed and never do it when your skin is dry, if you don't have shaving cream, you can use conditioner, just make sure to rinse it very well after.

After we are done with the shower it's time for skincare, wash your face, you can also exfoliate your face 1–2 times a week (3 if your skin it's too oily). This is also the perfect time to use a face mask! Use a hydrating sheet mask if you feel that your skin is dry, or a clay mask if you feel your skin is oily. Finally, use a moisturizer.

With clean hands and our skincare done it's the perfect time for face massages! Massaging our faces can help to improve skin texture and reduce the puffiness of the face, I personally like to do it with my hands, but you can also use a facial roller or gua sha (just make sure to keep the clean).

We can't forget to moisturize our bodies, make sure to apply lotion all over your body, especially if you exfoliated or shaved, use a lotion with your favorite scent (strawberry, vanilla, etc.) or use an unscented lotion and immediately apply perfume to smell good all day long.

It's now time to continue with our haircare, gently brush your hair and dry it, if you are using a hair dryer you must apply some heat protection. Also, make sure to apply a leave-in conditioner to prevent dry ends!

You can add more stuff to this routine if you need, like applying a lash serum to grow your lashes, or clean your makeup brushes, so you start doing it more regularly! Also, it's the best time to get some motivation, you can scroll down Pinterest or watch YouTube videos from thewizardliz, song jia, vogue beauty secrets or any content creator that inspires you to become the best version of yourself!

✸ ꒰ night routine ꒱⋆ ࣪.* ࣪.⋆

First step is to have dinner, if you're going to eat near your bedtime you should mind your portions and what you are eating, avoid heavy or spicy food, so you can rest better and really get that beauty sleep.

Every night, before going to bed, you can make some time to organize the next day (what are you going to do, plan the outfit/makeup/hair, etc.) and clean your room! It's very satisfying to wake up to a clean room, it also helps a lot when you have everything you need in the morning already set up, so you don't end up getting late!

Before going to bed is the best time for some yoga or stretching, yoga can help with relaxing your body before sleeping, specially if you exercised or if you were sitting down for many hours because of work or school.

Finally, the best way to finish your day is to read to help you wind down! Specially if it's near your bedtime and you aren't sleepy yet. You can even read comics! Just read any physical book you have, reading on a device can be distracting and will make you stay up past your bedtime.

(_ _ ) . . z Z⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚୨ :★: ୧ ∗  ˖࣪ ໒꒱  ˚₊·

ty for reading! btw this post is *heavily* inspired by liliwon (I miss her sm 😿😿😿😿). If you liked this guide, please let me know! I really want to make more posts like this with other idols so I would appreciate suggestions >.< Also leave other posts ideas :D hehe

Oh! btw english is not my first language so I apologize for any mistake or whatever 💀

I think that's all, anyways see ya!

[jitzlemonade]

UNNAMED PART 3

PART 1 PART 2 PART 4

Hey, I'm back. Thanks for the most recent ask that reminded me I have Unnamed finished. (what do you mean, no, I definitely didn't forget *sweats*) As for why I took so long, it's because I have no inspiration :D But anyway, I finished it *gives myself a pat on the back*

Let me know what you guys think, and any ideas or suggestions to inspire me so I'll be able to churn it out faster. I always love getting feedbacks from reader OwO

Also, obviously you can't find part 3 since I didn't post it as I am master of procrastinating XD If you can, I'll be shook instead >&lt;; Contains: Angst, mental breakdown?, insecurity, low self-confidence, assuming things, not for those easily triggered etc Pairing: Zhongli x Reader

Summary:

In the end, it's always you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------- You knew the problem had never been him, but you.

 Your eyes opened and an unfamiliar ceiling came into view. Faint sunlight shone through the gaps of the window, casting scattered light upon the dark room . The scent of what you assumed to be herbs assaulted your nose.

You blinked a few more times, thinking it was an illusion conjured by a sleep-addled mind. Nevertheless, the same scenery greeted you. This time, you decided to rub your eyes. In the end, nothing has changed and apparently this was not a hallucination.

You remained lying down as you covered your eyes with one arm. You tried to get your bearings together, trying to recall the happenings from the last time you were conscious. You were a thousand billion percent confused until it clicked. Ah, Zhongli happened.

 Then in the midst of that breakdown, out of the blue, came a very painful chest pain.  You would have never expected it, while you may not be as fit as a fiddle, you knew you were healthier than that. You release a sign, you never want it to happen again either.

 You didn't know where you were. The right thing to do should really be just get up and about. Say thank you to whoever that took care of you and return their kindness on a later date after you deal with all the frustrations in your life. The only thing that’s stopping you is because you had a feeling the person might be Zhongli.

You don't feel like facing him now, it would be heart wrenching and to be honest, you don't want to have another heart attack when you have just woken up. Thus, you decided to sit up and settle into a more comfortable position as you pondered, even if all you’re doing is delaying the inevitable.

 You look out the window, watching the birds that flew across the bright blue sky.  Countless trains of thoughts run through your head as you contemplate how you should interact with the once love of your life.

 He still is, but your love was too destructive for both you and him.

It was funny how your rational mind and emotions had countless fistfights yet it was always your small, weak and insecure heart that won. Although you rationalise numerous times that you were overthinking, your heart never failed to believe Zhongli didn't love you enough.

It wasn't fair you took it out on Zhongli, obviously he would be tired by your outburst, when he had been nothing but supportive and caring towards you even when you were showing the ugliest version of yourself.

 You know the reason he couldn't spend as much time with you. Although you can control your thoughts, you’re much less adept with your feelings. No matter how much he does for you, the self-doubt would never fade away, lingering in the depths of your mind and whispering your worst nightmares.

You doubt there was anything he could even do to make you feel better. After all, you were the problem.

This isn't good for either of us, you thought as your hands covered your face and took in a deep breath, hoping whatever stress building up within you would be released along with said breath. That in fact, didn't help as you could subtly feel the dread slowly taking over you.

Suddenly, you hear a loud thud.

You looked over to identify the source. It was Zhongli, with a fallen basin next to him, resulting in water spilling all over the ground. Your gaze then shifted upwards to him, carefully and slowly sizing him up. Trying to observe any clues to his current state of mind.

He looks haggard, eye bags especially prominent against his pale jade-like skin, his suit was messy, full of wrinkles and creases, a stark contrast from his usual demeanor. You could feel your lips quiver, but in the end you remained silent. What were you supposed to do or say anyway?

You watch as his eyes seem to regain their clarity, his steps cautious and small as he approaches you before sitting down on the bed beside you. His hands trembled as he reached out towards you, so close yet not touching you.

It was as if he was afraid you were just the morning mist in the forest, or a mirage in the desert, one blink or a touch too harsh would break this illusion. You didn’t make any moves, still unsure on how to face him.

After some hesitation, he bit his lips, as if coming to a decision, and finally touched you.

  The look in his eyes was so soft and gentle that it moved your heart. It made you wonder whether your brain was right and your emotions had it all wrong due to being too caught up with anything negative and blinded itself. Perhaps Zhongli had only you held close in his heart and you were truly just overthinking.

The soft rustling of the fabric against your skin however, quickly woke you from the illusion that he loves you. After all, if he truly loved you, why did every skin contact you ever had with him were all done through a layer of fabric?

Now awake after your outburst, you felt a bizarre sense of clarity flooding through your head. How could you have missed all those clues? The hints scattered throughout your life that you have so blatantly missed due to letting love blind your senses.

Zhongli doesn't truly love you, he was with you merely because he platonically loves you, and he wasn't too repulsed by the idea of dating you. To some, it may be wonderful news, but you didn't want to force a relationship on Zhongli just because you couldn't control your emotions.

The gloves he donned upon even now certainly represented your relationship with him.

Thin enough to feel him close, yet it is a layer you would never be able to penetrate, a layer that separates both of you from truly connecting as one. What else could induce more sorrowness than this? When the person is clearly standing before you, yet the distance between both of you was as wide as the universe itself?

He'll never love you the way you love him.

You felt him caress your cheek, a few faint brushes of his fingers before his hand finally enveloped your face. The intensity of his gaze flustered you, you remained rigid as his fingers trailed the side of your face softly.

Perhaps the fact that you didn't break or disappear was enough for him. The next thing you knew, you were pulled into his embrace. His face was buried in your collar, a sigh of relief escaping from his lips.

 He was glad you finally woke up after being tormented by the thought you would never wake up again. Staying up countless nights by your side, afraid to miss any waking moment or emergency.

His concern was clear and strong to you, yet you feel strangely numb even though his hands wrapped tightly around your body. It was like your soul was gone, and all that’s left is the ashes from where your passion had once burned.

 When he pulls away,  you place your hand upon your chest. You could feel Zhongli's enquiring gaze on you, oblivious to your intention. You decide he could wait later as you try to feel your heart.

There it was, a very faint but still steady beat, indicating your heart was fine and working.

That's strange, you still had a heart, but why do you feel... empty?  Looking at Zhongli, you no longer feel the same joy that flooded your bones, the euphoria that makes you drunk akin to fine wine.

--------

You could tell you probably relapsed back to the time when you hadn't met Zhongli. It was the darkest period of your life, when you were still too clueless and too helpless to decide on anything.   A period where the road that leads to your future is all thorns and darkness, a path where you always get hurt. You were so desperate for recognition that you were servile to anyone and everyone.

  You always had a smile on your face, always ready to offer your help to anyone. You were exploited for your kindness, yet you always give more and more of yourself even when it’s carving into your own flesh. In the end, you only had more knives sticking out of you.

 You were a bundle of all the lost cause in the world, no wonder no one could love you. You don’t belong anywhere, no one can ever accept you, no one would even want you. You don’t deserve it.

But then, there was Zhongli.

 He probably never knew how dazzling he is in your life. Everything else becomes blurred and obsolete when he’s there, all you can do is focus on him. He was brilliance itself, the confidence that radiated off him with every step, his posture straight and proper with every movement, a world heritage painting from every angle.

  He was everything you hope to be, the way words of admiration flow from his mouth would melt even the most heartless people. His articulation was enough to contend with even the best of debaters, able to convince anyone to agree with him. 

  Your eyes always trail after him as you engrave him within your memories, so you may have something to look back upon when you're old and frail. The way his ponytail sways behind him as he walks, the smile on his face as he converse, and especially those eyes of his. Those eyes that seemed to have all the answers in the world.

   His eyes were regal amber, akin to crystallisation of tree saps, the glow of cor lapis when the sun hits it just right. You wondered if Rex Lapis had personally sculpted him and inlaid the finest cor lapis into his eyes. He was just that charming, enough to pull you into an abyss that you’ll never be able to get out from again.

   He was the pivot, drawing in everyone’s gaze unintentionally, and you were merely one of the masses that oscillated around him. It was only natural, and it would never change. Yet like Rex Lapis playing a joke on you, it did.

  Both of you were supposed to be a pair of parallel lines, close enough to see each other, but never intersecting. After all, how can you drag sunshine into your midnight rain? But the moment his eyes met yours, you knew you never wanted to let go, even if it digs onto your skin and leaves scars.

The way his voice rumbles when he laughed should be a sin, the way his hands perfectly covers yours should be a foul. His eyes lit up, and your breath was taken away. His eyes narrowed when he smiled, and you were knocked off your feet. Those eyes of his entrance you like nothing else, they make everything else irrelevant. He was the sun, everything thrives because of him, and you were no different. Your world was grey and black, but now it was filled with splotches of colours. From the brightest shade of flaming red to the violet shade of the aurora sky. You were no longer surviving, but truly living.

And when those eyes had only you in their reflection, you fell for him.

All the inferiority that used to plagued you was washed away by his love, causing you to undergo a brand new transformation. However, now that you lost him, they all come crashing against you once more in calamitous waves. This made you realise, you are nothing without him.

Everything good and pleasant about you, everything you love about yourself only existed because of his words, his validation.

You truly were nothing by yourself.

—---------------------------------

You didn't have the most flattering appearance. Staring at the mirror for too long will definitely end with your confidence in your facial features dropping drastically.

The people you called 'friends' point at you as they commented about your features before laughing, saying it was all in light jest.

In spite of it all, what else can you do but agree and laugh along with them? Even if everything they said was like one bullet after another shot straight at your heart.

Worse of all, if you really said anything in retaliation, you would be the unreasonable one and couldn't take a 'joke'.

You were never enough.

No one really likes you either, halfway through a conversation, you felt the boredom or dislike rolling off the other party.

It overwhelms you, makes you stammer and fumble over your words because you don't know what exactly you do or say to incur their dissatisfaction.

 It gets draining before it becomes suffocating, completely eradicating your will and energy to keep conversing.

The slight delight emitting off them as they excuse themself from the conversation makes your heart heavy. 

You were never enough.

The relationships you forged were never truly yours, you were just there along for the ride. A friendship that people will only indulge in when it's convenient or they have no one else.

They would hang out with you, but would never wait for you nor explicitly invite you, it all depends on whether you're present when they invite their other friends.

 Still, when they were at the lowest, you were there. You lend them your shoulder, you allow them to hurt you so they would find comfort in the midst of their own pain, so they would know someone was still by their side.

However, when tomorrow comes, you are back to being a background character for them.

You were never enough.

The scars inflicted upon your soul were numerous, each one deeper than the last. A heavy burden weighs upon you, and you submerge yourself within the emptiness and the sorrow.

Wallowing in your pain was easier than confronting everything that's wrong with you. You were never enough, and there was nothing you could ever do to change it.

 And it was just so easy to submerge yourself in suffering, to block everything else out of your heart, anguishing at your pain yet doing nothing to change it.

But then there was Zhongli.

  Zhongli made you feel you were enough, he made you feel you were everything that's perfect and more. He made you strive for better, he made you flourish and bloom.

"Your beauty overwhelms me, that no words can describe it. It's similar to the sunset by Liyue Harbour, thousands of words and poetry will still fail to describe the complete allure of it. It is something so magnificent and enigmatic that it can only be appreciated personally with one's entire being and one's soul,"

He made you love your own appearance.

"My love, please do not hesitate sharing things with me. I will always be interested in anything you have to say. I particularly adore the way your eyes brighten and the passion you radiate when you talk about the things you love, even your expressive actions with your hands. I find you lovable all the same, even if you 'throw hands' with someone."

He made you love yourself, with all your flaws and quirks.

“You're more than anything I ever deserve,” he breathed out as he caressed your cheeks. His eyes were transfixed on you, as if you were too good to be true, and he dared not take his eyes off you.

He made you rediscover that you were important too, and you wondered how you even lost yourself in the first place.

-----------------------

Now, you know the problems between you were not only Lumine, no, she was merely the catalyst. There was a much deeper reason why your heart couldn't fully trust him, but you never realised until this very moment.

 It was the way you knew nothing about his past. You knew not his parents, or whether he was an orphan. You knew none of his old friends, nor did you know the scenery he grew up in.

 He was a storyteller.

However, he never shared his life before meeting you, merely throwing you small snippets which you couldn't piece a large picture with.

  It was the way you knew nothing of how his skin feels against yours. All along he was tightly wrapped in his gentlemen, never exposing any patches of skin.

You had never seen him without his coat, he always donned it, every button fastened and crease smoothened out, even if it was only the both of you.

 You could never tell with Zhongli, he was an enigma, a mystery wrapped under so many layers that you could never fully uncover.

Does he not love you enough to tell you everything, or does he love you too much to tell you everything?

What draws the line between too much love and not enough of it? You pondered yet you couldn't come up with an answer.

However you know, in your case, it must be because he didn't love you enough. He didn't trust you enough to tell you everything.

You broke the silence first.

“If you truly love and need me, why didn't you ever tell me about your past? Why don't you ever touch me directly without your gloves on?”

You looked towards him, your voice steady, but only you yourself knew your heart was beating loudly in your chest, and how the tears were about to fall out of your eyes.

 He didn't love you enough to feel your skin against his, he didn't find the need to feel your body heat without the barrier of a cloth. The fact that you loved someone so much and who doesn't love you back the same is heartbreaking.

He remained silent, and you knew he would not do it. Perhaps it was for the best, a way for both of you to part peacefully from each other without inflicting any more harm than you already have

However, he did the opposite.

He took off his gloves and rolled up his sleeves, and despite the countless time you have spent with one another, it is the first time you saw what lies beneath them.

It was not the pale skin you have expected, nor are there hideous scars littering his arms. In fact, it wasn’t anything you could have imagined.

Instead it was something similar to obsidian, that gradually faded to a pale gold. Networks made of brilliant gold formed a pattern on his arms, glowing.

You were at first fascinated with the exquisite pattern, faintly recognising one of them to be the geo symbol. Then you paused, a frightening relevantion making itself known in your mind.

You immediately looked at Zhongli, moving further back to widen the distance between both of you. You managed a weak smile, “You're Rex Lapis, ” How could you not know? When all of Liyue made sure to teach their young of the marks Rex Lapis possesses?

 He had hidden it so long for you, even after both of you verified your relationship with one another. You wondered, how serious is he with you? To keep such a thing secret until it was inevitable but to reveal it?

But what truly breaks your heart was that you and Zhongli were probably never meant to be. You didn't deserve Zhongli before, how could you ever deserve him now?

You were the filth beneath his shoes before, now you would not even amount to a drop of water in the vast sea. You are nothing.

For a god like him, a being from a completely higher existential plane than yours, could he even truly love you? He might just be playing around with you, watching as you dance in the palm of his hands.

Just as how easily he made himself part of your life, you were sure he would have no problems ripping himself out of it either.

  You believe even at this moment, incorrigible rationality still runs through his mind. He was the God of Contracts, no less should be expected of him.

 Therefore, how could he understand all the joys and woes of love? Something that is undeniably, mortal.

 ... However due to this discovery, a lot of things that were incongruent before made sense now. How he seemed to know everything from ancient times as if he was there to witness it himself.

He carries himself unlike a mortal being, where people's gazes would be attracted to him merely by his temperament and bearing.

Maybe you can believe him when he says he loves you, only that it was in the same way he loves everyone that dwells in his land and worships him.

He probably wouldn't understand the love you try to convey to him and hoped he would return. Just like an ant with a human, how could a human ever fall in love with an ant romantically?

They weren't even in the same dimension, much less on equal standing with one another.

Even if humans and gods can really bond with each other in a romantic sense, but with such a vast life spans difference, how can the god truly devote their everything to someone who would die way too soon?

Once again, you were reminded of the fact you will never be enough for him, so why bother ridding yourself of the emptiness?

It's akin to a cocoon, the comfort it brings you as you dwell within that darkness, that sadness within you.

It isn't good for you, you know this, it will destroy you, you know it well. But why rid yourself of that sadness when it's all you know, and all that will protect you?

You were already broken into pieces, you don't want to shatter into dust.

However, if the gods possess the ability to love someone with everything they got, you can't imagine the pain that would wreck them, the insanity they would feel when everything is done and said.

Love is beautiful and everlasting in the moment, yet it is transient, nothing can truly last forever.

Perhaps some mortals, some love are worth this pain. The kind of love that would be sung by bards even after aeons had passed, an epic praised by humans and gods alike. But how can you ever measure up to myths and legends?

You knew you weren't worth it.

Thus, a part of you hoped Zhongli was a little more selfish, that he would guard his heart a little more closely so you will never enter its deepest part, you didn't want to become the cause of his agony. Not now, and never. But there was a part of you which you would never admit its existence, whispers in your ears, "Leave him before he leaves you,"

So, you did what you do best. Run away from reality. You stood up and headed towards your destination with a firm determination.

Zhongli immediately stood up, wanting to hold you back yet afraid he'll break you even more “Wait, darling, pleas—”

You walked out the door and you didn't look back. You knew if you did, you would have stayed.

However in the end, only pain and suffering would be left. So you left, for both him and you.

All these while, you had been proud of yourself as Zhongli's lover, now, what are you without him?

—--------------

 In a dark alley somewhere, you collapsed onto your knee, blankly staring at something that’s not there.

Who are you without Zhongli?

PART 1 PART 2 PART 4

[student-in-nightraven]

hii, could i rq a matchup with anyone from obey me, twst or kamisama kiss? ☆⌒ヽ(*'､^*)

im a bi girl, 5'3, intp-t 4w5 + aquarius, id say im some kind of ambiverted like 60% awkward-reserved-anti-social introvert and 40% chaotic, rambly, all over the place, once i start i dont stop extrovert?? depends on my mood i think (˘∀˘) for some random traits i'm erratic, eccentric, conscientious, creative, empathetic, unserious, sarcastic, not a team player and definitely come across as strange to literally anyone not used to me

hmmmm some hobbies i have are baking, writing, editing and arts + crafts (drawing, painting, making my own random stuff like candles, soap, stickers) - very practical very fun 🧝‍♀️ i also like gaming when i have time which is basically always bc im lazy and hate work, i leave everything last minute and procrastinate so much bc i and i'd rather be doing what i want instead of boring stuff 😒👎 it all ends up rushed and low effort unless im passionate abt it. probably why i'm also never on time but that's also bc i love sleeping

if i had to pick a label for whatever my style's supposed to be {bc i just dress in whatever looks good tbh} i'd say a hybrid of grunge and indie maybe💪😘 i take pride in my dress sense actually i think its gojus (μ_μ)

i have collections/mini collections of a couple things - plushies, crystals, stickers, bracelets and i keep anything and everything people might give me, i've done it as long as i can remember, like not even gifts just if someone gives me a rock or a piece of stationery or origami etc it'll be in my possession forever i'm too sentimental to get rid of anything, i have so much scattered everywhere it's unfunny 🧍‍♀️ i think my love languages are physical affection bc i love closeness altho im crap with emotional stuff but words of affirmation and mushy fluffy stuff can be pretty neat {even if it's embarrassing and awkward xox} + gifts bc i love buying myself stuff and receiving presents, i also like giving them but i feel like i'm spending too little or too much or compare it to what they give back to me and feel like it's not good enough or what they'd want bc i'm usually either too stingy or spend too much and think too much + feel bad when it feels like i don't give back to people as much as they give to me in any sense?? | (• -•)|

i love purple, literature, rock/pop/dance/techno music, space, halloween, history, things that smell nice/scented stuff, philosophy, nature, horror, psychology, fantasy, sweet/sour/salty foods, and animals {especially my bunnies ofc, my pride and joy <3} so im working towards becoming a vet bc im good w science and i'd definitely rather look after them than humans bc i am not a people person i'd fail miserably xox

i don't like ppl who are ignorant or inconsiderate bc they're annoying and punchable, my family, the ocean bc it's scary and doing embarrassing stuff which tbh is basically everything smh

anyways i tried to condense whatever i could think of LMAO but i cba to do anymore 💀💌 thank u!!

The Kamisama requests always make me happy:')

I match you with..

..

...Mizuki!

The most gentle and sweet lover in the whole world.

He matches you like CRAZY, soulmates real;

Loves being chaotic with you, getting caught up in shenanigans and being lovey dovey with you;

He just randomly snuggles up to you whether it's in his snake form or human form, if snake form let's out occasional cute bloops that you die for, he also does the cute snake yawn, he knows it's cute and he's doing it on PURPOSE;

I hc that mizuki is great at portraits and has painting sessions with you in which you 2 paint in peace and show eachother the piece;

You teach him how to properly bake so that he doesn't drop lizards in almost everything you bake-

"but-but it's for good luck:("

"Mizuki, no"

He encourages you not wanting to work and lazes off with you, if for no reason Tomoe comes over he annoyingly comments on how as your familiar mizuki shouldn't encourage this but who listens to him;

Spends mornings sleeping in with you, if you have to go to school he'll just transform into his snake form and accompany you there!

Loves your collection of crystals and other things, so he finds the most beautiful crystals just for you♡

Loves your bunnies and cradles them in his hands, your basically a family, your bunnies have a dad now;

So in all he's the perfect match for you, the most peaceful and loveable relationship ♡⁠˖

Thank you for the request dear annon! May you have a wonderful week<3

[letstalkwhump]

Let's Talk Whump No. 10

Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump, a series of interviews that spotlight the amazing people in our whump community. I’m Malice and I’ll be your host. 

Today we have @suspicious-pools-of-blood joining us to share his whump story!

Tell us a fact or two about yourself!

I'm a butch (he/him) and I enjoy rock climbing, leatherworking, and losing my entire goddamn mind over Xena: Warrior Princess. 

What does whump mean to you? 

To me it can range anywhere from a trope to a vibe involving some kind of hurt. I definitely consider angst to be whump.

How did you find the whump community? 

It was actually very straightforward; I was up one night and the word "whump" kept rattling around my brain, I'd probably seen it tagging a fanfic at some point, but I didn't know what it meant, so I looked it up and found a definition followed by the Tumblr community. Specifically, it was albino-whumpee's writing that came up, so I was introduced to whump and box boys and WRU all at once. I stayed up all night reading their stuff and then made a sideblog and dove in, dragging my OCs down with me. 

Do you think your views on whump has changed? Maybe the way you consume whump media?

This community was basically my first foray into reading original fiction online instead of just fanfic, and now that's definitely what I read most.

Favourite whump trope?

One of my favorite tropes is carewhumpers--not of the bad caretaker variety, but more whumpers who don't let whumpee have any caretaker but whumper themself. Relatedly, I like captor bonding (not sure if that's an actual term, but that's what I call it because the term Stockholm syndrome has a super gross history), as well as intimate whumpers, nsfwhump/noncon/dubcon, slavery, power imbalances, etc. Also a big fan of a whumpee who internalizes their hurt hard enough to become a whumper against a new whumpee, continuing the cycle of violence and abuse rather than the typical whumped-turned-whumper trope where the two characters just switch roles. I really like the mental/emotional side of whump, seeing how both whumper and whumpee feel about what's happening, why whumper does what they do, and how the whump changes both of them as people.

And your favourite piece you've written? 

Really hard to pick, but currently I'll have to go with Not You Too and its companion piece Wish . It's more angst than any physical whump, but it's an important piece for developing and understanding the psyche of my main character.

What's your writing style like? 

Oh man, calling myself out here on this one. Don't be like me, kids. Often times I find that not being sober helps me get over mental blocks that prevent me from getting the words onto the page. It depends on what I'm writing, but usually a couple bourbon old fashioneds or an edible get me into the mood to write, night time, lights off, candle lit on my desk, relevant OC or WIP playlist playing. I'm trying to get better about that though because needing to be intoxicated to write is not good. I try to write regularly but usually I just end up sitting in front of my Notion board for hours on end while procrastinating on work I should be doing.

Is there anything you struggle with writing?

Cisheterosexuality is fuckin impossible for me to write.  I have no experience with it so I'm profoundly confused when I have to write about it for plot reasons

Is there anything you're working on at the moment?

The current piece I'm working on is my main character's first time sleeping with another woman. I am, if nothing else, committed to realism in writing, so I did spend more time than I wanted to today remembering my own first time and cringing but hey, at least I got the vibe!

Do you have any writing advice?

Make some lil guys and rotate them in your mind; literally no one can stop you

Shout out time!

@winedark-whumpk-whump has some truly fantastic stories and was really encouraging when I was struggling with engagement and feeling self-conscious about my original content.

Anything you'd like to add? 

Thank you so much for this interview, this was lots of fun!

Thank you for joining us, @suspicious-pools-of-bloodod ! It was great to have you here!

And to all you folks at home, have a whump-derful day!

[kalims]

So I’m in uni and sometimes I feel guilty whenever I talk to my classmates who are much much older than me; old enough to be my parent (my program is structured so that ppl w kids, full time jobs, etc can learn the content at the same pace as the normal program but the course load is less but stretched out throughout the year), and they talk about how stressful it is to balance school, work, and taking care of their kids, on top of spending money on textbooks, gas, on their kids. Meanwhile I’m here working part time and spending all that money adding to my plushie collection and food. I’m not bashing them or anything it’s just the difference in our lifestyles is kinda funny, but one thing that I’ll applaud them for is that despite all their other priorities they’re able to keep up w the work and finish everything, like they reached a level of maturity where they don’t procrastinate even a little. Meanwhile I’m here on Tumblr putting off a major assignment bc I’m I do t fee like it and the stress from it is making not want to do it

hey its not your fault. I can't exactly stop the guilt since it's natural but i will tell you that putting off hw/not feeling like doing it is a response from stress. its like escaping from ur problems, not confronting it etc.. but that doesn't make you any less of a person. these feelings are normal and I don't wanna make this about me but it kinda makes me cry when I see my classmates studying meanwhile I'm playing games so I wanna tell u that ur not alone

it's perfectly fine that you're spending money on things you want! if I'm not wrong, ur younger than them so you don't know what they've expected but in due time you will to. time is precious so I suggest keep doing what you do and enjoy your youth. you only live life once and i hope you'll be happy in this moment as you're still young

all that matters is that you finish it in the end. sometimes I don't do assignments because frankly, I'm not in the right mindset to do so. and doing what I like doing (e.g for you going on tumblr I suppose) which is playing games. it helps me relax and by the end of the day I'm pleased enough to do my homework since my mind is no longer in shambles so that might be the case for u

this is tough but probably in some point in your life you won't get to enjoy small things like that so that's why im here to tell you to enjoy it while you can. I heard that people in college get a shit ton of work to do and get 0 sleep so before you get to that point make sure to experience all the things you know you can't ever while you're older. you can't control how you, and other people live

and if you finish school you can have all the time in the world to buy more plushies 🥰💓 in some time your hard work will pay off, all those negative thoughts will only make you stronger. ily and I hope you will enjoy life

[breakingthebasics]

Tips that helped me lose weight in the past:

1. Drinking hot water with lemon in the mornings.

2. Intermittent fasting (only eating between 12pm-8pm)

3. Only drinking water (no juices, sports drinks, alcohol, soda, etc.) Try adding lemon, cucumber, mint, or your choice of natural flavor enhancers to add to your water to give it a little boost

4. Exercise ( try to make it fun & stick to a routine.) Also for this one I know everyone has different circumstances & this isn't always easy just try upping your daily movement so if your not going to do the workout stuff at least try going on a walk everyday.

5. Taking apple cider vinegar pills ( not sure if it actually aids weight loss but it does have many other amazing effects on the body)

6. Eat clean. By clean I mean try to stick with veggies, fruit, berries, nuts, oats, high protein meat. Try not to eat fast food!!

7. Talk to yourself positively. My best weight loss came when I was meditating regularly & speaking positive affirmations to myself.

8. Get enough sleep ! This is one I'm really guilty of. Hints to why I'm constantly dragging & procrastinating.

9. Eat 3 meals a day try not to snack but if you do choose a healthy option.

10. THE RULE. DON'T GIVE UP. Each day is a new day to get it done even if you slip up don't let it stop you.

[forgetmenotblues]

52 in 52 2022

It is a fact universally recognised that the best time to do your book roundup for the year is 4 months into the next year

I kept not getting round to it,then I watched loads of good movies and was gonna do them but I want to stop procrastinating this so I can always edit those in

2022 Books

1)Harrow the Ninth, Tamsyn Muir

This was utterly fantastic. Or at least it was once I googled “should I have any idea what’s going on?” and was reassured that no, no I should not. For some reason I only seem to read the Locked Tomb books when I’m on night shifts, and these books are hard enough to keep up with without being sleep deprived. The book is split into two sections, one of which is a retelling of book 1 but with the main character changed, and one is in second person, with the protagonist being traumatised, lobotomised, schizophrenic, and haunted. There’s murder via soup, there’s a threesome with God, there’s a DIFFERENT threesome with God in which I think every participant is at least 2 or 3 different identities… The Necromancer God Emperor of the Universe makes a None pizza with left beef joke… this book has it all. The ever-ramping up pace where you cannot stop reading because the entire last third is one long ever increasing climax (phrasing) reminds me a lot of Terry Pratchett, just queer and Goth and Kiwi.

2)A Practical Guide to Conquering the World, KJ Parker

The third in the loose trilogy starting with 16 ways to defend a walled city. Similarly quasi-Roman historical fantasy with an amoral con artist getting so out of their depth they end up having to conquer the world in order to stay ahead of the heat… you know what you’re getting with a KJ Parker book. Honestly this one didn’t do it as much for me, I think because I binged KJ Parker in 2021 and when every book is similar it works better reading one per year or so… still an utterly enjoyable read.

3)Fellowship of the Ring

Yeah it’s this pretty indie fantasy series, you probably haven’t heard of it… I went with an audiobook this time around, by Phil Dragash. He uses background music from the Peter Jackson films and models the voices on the actors, while doing the full unabridged novels. It’s a great approach to capture the cinematic feeling of the films with the beauty and complexity of the books. Shockingly enough, an unauthorised audiobook using unauthorised film soundtrack is not legal, so if you want to check this out, archive.org hosts a full version just to teach you the error of your ways.

4)Graham Greene – Destructors and Other Short Stories

I really really thought Graham Greene did like… fun thrillers, kind of James Bond-esque… no idea where I got that from. This was a collection of pretty morose stories, but utterly compelling. There was a very charming post-apocalyptic one with kids gathering blackberries and coming across the wreck of a ship from the before times, there was a very weird kind of dark Narnia story about a man going to his childhood home and finding that the vast forest he remembers getting lost in was actually a small patch of brush, the vast lake he remembers sailing across is basically a muddy pond etc… but then starts to find evidence his more fantastical adventures might have been true. May We Borrow Your Husband is a pretty fantastic, if deeply sad, story about repressed homosexuality in the early 20th century, The Destructors is utterly heart-breaking. Annoyingly, the version I had from the library cut off the ends of some stories, so I had to go hunting for the last few sentences.

5)Invisible Man, HG Wells

I always feel a bit of a prat when I read well known, widely agreed upon classics and go “oh wow, this is actually pretty great, has anyone heard of this… Shakespeare guy?” Well here I am again, having just discovered HG Wells. You’re welcome. I absolutely adored War of the Worlds in 2021, Invisible Man isn’t quite as good, but that’s just because of the very high bar. The whole story is set around my neck of the woods, and the depiction of Sussex folk as a bit simple, but utterly intractable reads incredibly true. There’s also this oddly charming balance between the genuine horror of the idea of a violent man wanting to kill you and how hard it would be to defend yourself if he’s invisible, vs the slightly tongue in cheek way that the invisible man declares himself king of the world, but is consistently laid low by obstacles like… gravel.

6) The Time Machine, HG Wells

Another absolute banger. - a quote I expect to see on the cover of the next edition of the Time Machine. This one I had a predisposition to liking, beyond my growing love of HG Wells, as I often feel I might be the only person in the world who watched, and loved, the early 2000's film adaptation. This is another of those early genre books where it just has such fun with what was at the time a completely novel concept. In a hard to define synesthesia type way, this story is the feeling of walking barefoot on the grass.

7)The Two Towers, Tolkien

It’s very hard to judge, but this might be my favourite book of the trilogy (I know, not a book, not a trilogy etc etc). The Treason of Isengard is utterly fantastic, and probably has the most fun in the whole of Tolkien’s work just bouncing around and introducing us to new places and peoples. The Ring Goes East has yet more fantastic setting and characters, and “Frodo was alive, but taken by the enemy” is one of the strongest cliff-hangers I’ve ever seen.

8)Return of the King, Tolkien

There just isn't much to say about LoTR that hasn't been said a million times before. Its absolutely wonderful. I enjoyed reading this around the time of year it's set, there's a strong seasonal theme I'd never picked up before.

9,10,11) The Blade Itself, Before They’re Hanged, and Last Argument of Kings

I’ve combined these three because they it's very much a story in three parts trilogy. I'd always heard Joe Abercrombie dismissed as straightforward shallow grimdark, so I was blown away by this trilogy. It's a fantastic series, some incredible characters. Spoilers - the overall theme is basically what if gandalf was evil, manipulating the world over his incredibly long life, for the greater good. I adore Jezal as an utterly slimy character propped up as a fantasy hero for the sake of a figurehead, and Logan Ninefingers is the richest take on the wandering badass wolverine type character I've seen. I read these ones mostly on psych night shifts, which were lovely for snug on call rooms and long uninterrupted hours.

12) A Game of Thrones

Again, what is there to say that hasn't been said 8 million times. I run an ASOIAF art blog for crying out loud. So this time I'll just comment on the edition I read - the beautiful folio edition. Very luxuriant, very lovely, though I will admit having a separate map instead of it being in the book itself was kind of frustratingly unwieldy.

13) Elric of Melniboné

One of the big classics of fantasy I've always meant to check out. Sadly so far the most compelling part of the collection has been the Neil Gaiman short story used as an introduction! I do enjoy the stories, they just tend to drag a little in the middle. I think the best way I can put it is that if a story says there will be a quest to 7 dungeons, most will either have a twist or a montage after dungeon 3 or 4, so as to not just repeat the same structure the whole time... Elric stories will give you all 7. Theres a lot of great imagery and it reads very well.

14) Redwall

A classic from my childhood I felt like revisiting. It holds up incredibly well, a nice mix of cutesy woodland creatures having supper with very genuine medieval warfare. It reads like a much older book than it is, and I think the reason is that Matthias is a very classical, almost Nietzchean hero - he's not the hero because he's meek or humble, he's the hero because he's competent, well-liked, and, when he needs to be, utterly ruthless and bloodthirsty.

15) The Red Knight, Miles Cameron

I had really mixed feelings on this one. On the one hand, it's got some incredibly rich worldbuilding, some great Byronic characters, and the author is a world renowned medieval sword fighter and clearly knows his stuff. On the other hand, they mention in the afterword it was inspired by roleplaying campaigns and I think that shows - a lot of fights for the sake of fights that could have been condensed.

16) Art of Garry Gianni

A fantastic artist who does a lot of ASOIAF artwork. He goes for a very picture-book illustrative style that makes the books feel like a half remembered childhood memory of reading tales of king arthur. He also has a lot of more realistic medieval work ie silly looking hats and hosiery, which does a good job of balancing out the all black leather of the tv show.

17) A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms

Clearly I was inspired by the GG artbook!

Lovely as always.

18) The Count of Monte Cristo

Every year, I make great progress in reading lots of books in winter, then as spring starts I get cocky and take on a mammoth book that takes me months. This was this years. I listened to a CC audiobook, which was fantastic, but I only saw 4 parts out of the actual total of 6, so underestimated the overall length. I will say, I thought he was gonna have to really rush his revenge! Again, a hard novel to say anything new about - I loved it. Every single time I read a revenge story I think "I want them all to suffer, I'll never learn that people are complex and revenge ends up hurting innocents and view it in a more nuanced way" and then whaddya know?! I was fairly enjoying it as an "old timey novels ramble a bit sometimes, maybe paid by the word*", but at the end the elements all come back together in a way that gave me chills as I began to see not a word had been wasted.

*I did have a drinking game for every time the exact same life-long description of one character was given, about half a dozen times in one chapter and a few times after. It felt like oral tradition type storytelling.

19) The Hero, Dreamsongs

Okay this is clearly where I panicked about CoMC slowing me down so much and counted short stories as separate. Cheating? Maybe, but the stakes could not be lower. I've bounced off of Dreamsongs a few times as it opens with stories GRRM wrote when he was literally about 6. Which is fascinating from an archival kind of perspective, but doesn't make for the best reads. This is the first of his actually published works, it's about a grizzled space marine type ready to finally retire from the war and see the earth he's been fighting for, who then gets killed by the brass because he's too dangerous to ever actually go back to earth, then written up as a war hero killed in action for further propaganda. Its solid stuff, nothing world shattering, although GRRM did send it in as evidence for his conscientious objector application, so maybe it did change the world!

20) Last Exit to San Breta, Dreamsongs

Basically the question of what would happen to ghost cars in a world where technology has rendered cars obsolete. Again, not revolutionary but very well written.

21) The Second Kind of Loneliness, Dreamsongs

Before each group of stories in dreamsongs, GRRM does a bit of a retrospective. He describes this one as where he really got started and some of his finest work... I dint know if it was just the raised expectations, but it was probably my least favourite. Similar to Moon in some ways, it has someone working at a hyperspace gate counting down to the supply ship coming to relieve him, then panicking as it misses the deadline. As his mental state declines we learn he took this lonely job out of building anxiety after a romantic rejection, and eventually that this panic caused him to destroy the supply ship before the story started and reset his memory, and that this loop may have happened before. Which has some good bones, especially as a parable of incels and the internet, but it does have some feelings of nice guy-ness that isn't just the narrator but the story itself.

22) With Morning Comes Mistfall

On the other hand, I loved this one, which I get the impression is not the most highly rated. Essentially there's a holiday resort planet, it's got pretty lovely mountains and forests, but its main draw is rumours of spectral ghost-like beings. Scientists come to investigate, find that it's all bullshit, people stop coming and the resort fails. It sounds pretty humdrum, and relies on the "mean scientist dislikes enthusiasm and imagination" trope which I hate, but it really sells the love the resort host has for his planet, and the heartbreak of his passion being destroyed. Again in a post internet world, the idea that the planet has beautiful mountains, forests, and seas, but no one would visit for just those because there are planets with perfect sea, perfect mountains, or perfect forests feels very powerful.

23) Song for Lya, Dreamsongs

Another one where high expectations maybe hurt it a bit. A very solid fantasy story about the question of would you go into a state of permanent absolute bliss where you achieve nothing, or stay in real life with ups and downs... or as philosophers call it, the box full of porn and nitrous problem. It was absolutely good, but I've often heard it cited by ASOIAF fans as the best thing ever and it just... wasnt, for me.

24) Tower of Ashes, Dreamsongs

This one fell fairly flat. Quite nice guy-ish in a not fully intentional way, quite intriguing setting but not especially explored.

25) 7 times never kill man, Dreamsongs

This might be my favourite of the lot. Scary space marine death religion comes up against little ewok type creatures, the protagonist tries to train the ewoks up, 7 samurai style, and then... the ewoks/ the planet-wide consciousness is able to manipulate the death cult religion into becoming a suicide cult, and possibly every religion in the galaxy was seeded by this planet as an immune response style defence against potential attackers? If I'm remembering right? Genuinely creepy and haunting, I kept mulling this one over for a long long time. This is basically the gritty reboot of James Cameron's Avatar, way ahead of time.

26) Stone City, Dreamsongs

Another that didnt massively work for me, nothing terrible and some cool concepts, but just didnt really spark anything for me personally.

27) Bitterblooms, Dreamsongs

Another major contender for my favourite of the collection. A LOT of ASOIAF DNA in this one, with decade long winters roamed by the undead, X of House Y titles, a lot of familiar names. The story itself has a sort of twisted Doctor Who plot, a person from the ASOIAF-esque planet finds a spaceship, and is seemingly whirled around the galaxy on an adventure but can only look out the window from within the ship, eventually it turns out the ship is broken down and hasn't moved, and they were just watching record logs on the windows.

28) Princess and Mr Whiffle, Patrick Rothfuss

I took a break from Dreamsongs to read... a short story by an acclaimed fantasy author with a long delayed finale to their subversive fantasy epic! This is a fun book, with a good reading by Rothfuss on youtube, I'd thoroughly recommend. It seems like a slightly dark childrens story, then turns out to be a very dark regular story. It's worth watching the youtube reading as he also explains his thought process, honestly it's made me a little less optimistic regarding kkc as it has a slight vibe of a "technically I didnt lie to you" twist...

29) Interview with a Vampire, Anne Rice

I've spent a good part of my life goth-adjacent, I grew up on Buffy and have a real love for all things vampire, so this was always on my horizon. I was put off by Anne Rices whole... vibe online, and everything I heard about "well by book 17, it's mostly about the war between the Atlanteans and Hell". I cant speak for any of that, but the first book was everything its hyped up to be. Lovely slow moody southern gothic. From everything I know about Anne Rice's personal politics, I do wonder if shes one of those authors who sort of backed into being a queer icon by trying to depict the worst thing she could imagine, that being just... a queer relationship.

30) Hamnet, Maggie O'Farrell

This was one of those very book club type books you see everywhere for a while... I didn't love it. The idea is to tell the #feministretelling of Shakespeare's life by focusing on his wife, and what she went through when their son Hamnet died and he wrote a play called Hamlet. The issues are: a) it buys into the whole witchy cottagecore vibe with Anne Hathaway being pretty explicitly descended from the Fair Folk and having magic healing powers, which I think shoots the whole 'women were an important part of history and deserve to have their stories told' stone dead, as it suggests said stories are so boring they need literal elf magic to make them worth telling; and b) that it still fundamentally fails in that I spent most of the book going "wonder what old Billy boy's up to" the scraps we get of him are way more interesting.

31) Sherlock Holmes, The Empty House

The other big short story selection I read this year - most of the SH bibliography. I didnt realise until starting out that the vast majority of SH was short stories, and there were only 4 full length novels. The only one I'd read prior was Hound of the Baskervilles. I'll touch on the stories briefly then give a longer wrap up.

Not sure why I started with this one, it's the one where SH comes back to life after the Reichanbach falls. I don't know if there was a lower bar for what counted as mysterious back then, but basically: the guy is found with a bullet in his head in a locked room. The window is open. No one heard a shot. It turns out... he was shot through the window with a silencer. Like... I get ACD was practically writing under duress, but it feels pretty fucking phoned in.

32) SH, The Devils Foot

Again, the mystery here is: 3 people are found in a room, 2 insane and 1 dead, having been left perfectly well. The solution: theres a magical mushroom from Darkest Africa™ that makes people insane or die when burned and inhaled. I don't know if I'm coming at SH with the wrong attitude, but I continued to find the 'mysteries' pretty underwhelming. This one gets 1 bingo point for 'never previously described technology/item from The Colonies™ that solves the whole mystery but has never previously been established" (see the silenced air gun in the empty house actually), but also wins a point for "Sherlock decides the murderer is a pretty legit dude and just let's him go".

33) SH Abbey Grange

Another with the "Sherlock decides the murderer is a pretty legit dude and just let's him go" plot - honestly my favourite part of reading Sherlock Holmes, and very interesting to compare to modern copoganda shows with their "cool motive, still murder" attitude, especially as so many police procedural end with "well, you were right to fight against the wildly unjust system, but you did a crime so we have to arrest you. Deal with the unjust system? Nah, not my department mate "

34) SH The Speckled Band

The mystery: 2 heiresses live with their evil uncle. One dies in the room next to his, her last words "the speckled band". The other is moved into the same room and fears she'll be killed next. Sherlock finds that the bed is bolted in place directly under a vent joining to the uncle's room. It turns out the uncle pushed a venomous snake through the vent.

That's not a fucking mystery!!! I'm not even a big whodunnit person, but if you have heiresses killed, obviously their last living relative is doing it. Also the story spends the whole time telling you he's evil through details like "he let's romani travellers stay on his land"... oh yeah, this story hella racist. So maybe it's not meant to be a whodunnit but more of a howdunnit... except the second you hear "she died in the room next to his, then he moved me to that room, and theres a vent in the adjoining wall"... there's no mystery! The snake is a nice orientalist touch, but wouldn't be fundamentally different to evil mushroom gas or anything else. Incidentally she said "the speckled band", describing the drake's characteristic feature, as her last words instead of "uncle murdered me" or "snake vent, beware!" because [explanation not found].

It also gets a bingo point for "needlessly dark John Watson framing device that renders the whole story pointless" - it opens with "I can now tell this story because the last living person involved in it is now dead" - the sister they saved is the only survivor, so I guess after all that she just got his by a fuvking bus or something.

So at this point I thought, boy, this is unfortunate, 64 sherlock holmes stories, of course there would be some stinkers, what are the odds I'd exclusively pick them. So i looked it up. The speckled band is considered the best sherlock holmes story, ACDs favourite, critically acclaimed. At this point, it's safe to say I'm just not clicking with Sherlock Holmes.

35) Meathouse Man, Dreamsongs

In a dystopian future, neural mindlinks are used to make corpses into cheap labour, with one person puppeteering several corpses in dangerous environments. The corpses are also used as sex workers.

So yeah, it's pretty nasty. It's got some great dystopian imagery of giant industrial machines strip mining whole planets, and it Mark's the point where GRRM starts to really interrogate some of his nice guy-isms into dark, insightful takes on toxic masculinity.

36) Hound of the Baskervilles

As I said, this was the only SH I'd previously read, and I remembered it being pretty good! That had been when I was a kid, and all these short stories had sucked so bad... was I just misremembering? Fortunately, no! HotB is exactly what you want from a Sherlock Holmes story, great setting, cast of possible suspects all of whom are more than they appear... this is one of those cases where the best known work is best known for a reason.

37) A Study in Scarlet, SH

Decided to see if it was just a case of SH novels > short stories, and read the first novel. The first half or so is pretty classic SH fare, with a London murder, mysterious clues written in blood, footprint analysis etc etc and then... the entire 2nd half of the novel is a fucking western. We get the whole life story of a guy in a wagon train, sets up a life with Mormons, gets hunted down by murderous mormon death squads... and then in the last 2 pages, we jump back to London with a "and that's why he murdered this guy". Love it. I genuinely checked a few times to make sure I hadnt got a messed up copy of the book spliced with Mormon Murder Cowboys.

38) Arthur and the Seeing Stone, Kevin Crossley-Holland

The first of a wonderful trio of arthurian novels. They contrast the mythological arthur with a historically accurate young noble called Arthur in ~1200, with parallels between the mythological arthur and his counterpart that serve to highlight the historical context for the arthurian mythos and why these stories mattered to people. They're ostensibly childrens books and I first read them as a kid, but there's a lot of value to an adult reread.

39) The Final Problem, SH

The one where ol Holmes-y dies. Its shocking the extent to which ACD was clearly just ready to be done. Sherlock pops up, says "btw all of our cases were masterminded by an evil genius, I've never mentioned him before but he's so bad that it wouldnt be the worst thing if I died fighting him" and then whaddya know! It's very fun to me because I remember the trend of superhero comics killing off their heroes and the exact same writing tropes were in play - I've never mentioned this before but I have a really ultra mega serious nemesis.

40) Valley of Fear, SH

Another of the full length Holmes novels, and weirdly enough has the same structure - half a pretty standard SH mystery, second half a shockingly long largely unrelated story in America that leads to a 2 page "and that led into this mystery" denouement. It also has Moriarty awkwardly shoehorned into the story to retcon him into being a serious threat, which it does by some other top class SH bingo tropes - Watsons narration ending with "oh btw, the characters of this story fell off a ship like 4 months later".

41) Elric, Fortress of the Pearl - Moorcock

I'm starting to worry Elric might just not be for me. Theres some fun stuff in here, and a very conan-esque vibe. The issues are that of the 2 I've read, Elric is such a powerful character that the only route to drama is having him be suicidal apathetic until he's almost done for, then suddenly snapping to and fighting back out of the abyss. Secondly, I've mentioned before that Moorcock is not one to cut corners. There are 7 or 9 or 12 magical dream realms described to traverse, so he traverses them each in turn. There's no deviation from this pattern once its planned out, just plodding on through.

42) Beyond the Deepwoods, Paul Stewart & Chris Riddell

The 1st of the Edge Chronicles, a series I read piecemeal bits of when I was a kid and always stayed with me. Extremely creative and grotesque, with lots of bulbous and oozing creatures brought to life by Riddells signature style. This first book has a very fairytale structure with the protagonist essentially running into some new creature each chapter and escaping by the skin of his teeth. This gives it a lovely simplicity, the later books get a bit more into fantasy worldbuilding which has pros and cons.

43) Smoke and Mirrors, Neil Gaiman

Collection of short stories, if I was being consistent these should be separate like the GRRM and Sherlock Holmes ones but it's my list. Also some of these were like 2 pages and I couldn't justify counting that to myself.

Chivalry - one of Gaimans best known, a little old lady finds the grail at a charity shop, Galahad tries to get it off her. I liked it more this time around, but I still find the old lady a bit too mean.

The disappearance of miss finch - this is one my favourite of the many many Gaiman stories of "you go to a circus/magic show and it turns out to be real" - this one gets the balance of the person "deserving" it better, and a pleasant impression they're happier for it after all.

Bay Wolf - probably my favourite of the collection. Beowulf as a futuristic noir detective episode of baywatch. Grendel is a steroid junkie called Grand Al. Top notch stuff.

Murder Mysteries - another fantastical noir detective story, this time about an angel created to solve the first murder. Manages to combine classic noir elements with theological questions shockingly deftly.

Snow Glass Apples - one of my absolute favourite Gaiman stories. Theres a tumblr post that makes the rounds every few years about "hey snow white is deathly pale with ruby red lips and spends a long time seemingly dead in a coffin before waking... vampire?" and every time I dutifully comment that this exact story exists and is fantastic.

44 Stormchaser

Book 2 of the deepwoods books, this is where the series turns more towards steampunk fantasy worldbuilding. On the plus side, this is fascinating well written world, on the other... it's pretty fucking grim. Which is weird to say about a series written for children, but its genuinely quite depressing. Poverty, exploitation, mutilation etc... I had to take a break after this trilogy as there was a repeating pattern of introducing a likeable memorable crew of misfits and outcasts, then killing them all off one by one.

45 Midnight over Sanctphrax

This one is less grim in itself, but it ends with a "and the adventure continues" hook, and I remember from the sequel books that it continues into misery, despair, and most of the cast dying of dysentery. Again - grim!

46) Into The Narrowdark, Tad Williams

Book 3 of the new Osten Ard series. One of the best fantasy books I've read since ASOIAF. There was a part where I couldn't stop reading until I discovered one characters fate, even though that was about 400 pages. There was a reveal that made me swear at the book and walk away, just to come straight back.

47) This is How You Lose the Time War

A very fun short novel about opposite agents of battling time travelling agencies who start to write each other encoded gloating messages (encoded in the rings of wood of a tree one agent will cut down to build Genghis Khans trebuchets to change history, for example), and gradually fall in love. Very poetic and beautifully written.

48) Fire and Blood, GRRM

Gave this one another read, inspired by how much I enjoyed HotD. I think the first read I went in with very low expectations which gave it an edge, this time around I knew it wouldnt be terrible so less of a pleasant surprise and I noticed more of the... issues. That said, HotD showed me how some of the seemingly flat characters can actually be rich and nuanced. One in particular I wonder about is Jahaerys, who makes a lot of sense as a potentially great person with rot at the foundations - if he knows that at some level he only has power by usurping his cool lesbian sister, all his misogyny makes sense as a retroactive justification. Because honestly on this reread, he seemed like a Shittier dude than Maegor.

49) Fairy Tale, Stephen King

A take on the Narnia style portal fantasy by the one and only Stephen King. This was a thoroughly enjoyable read, not necessarily a world shaking masterpiece but recaptured the feeling of being a kid and getting utterly engrossed in a story. You can definitely tell Kings age by how he writes his teenage protagonist - he conveniently only watches the classic movie channel so can only quote films from Kings reference pool, there's some pretty realistic sections of him doing home repair by watching youtube videos but keeps calling it The Tube... its very sweet and endearing. As is classic with King, he's so good at writing day to day life you almost dont want the fantasy elements to start, but once they do they're so fun you wished they'd shown up sooner.

50) Arthur at the Crossing Place

Book 2 of the seeing stone trilogy. The trilogy is fairly classic 2 part trilogy, with part 1 working as a very standalone novel, while part 2 is mostly set up for part 3. However, theres a lot of good material, lovely prose, and well worth reading.

51) Dracula (daily) Bram Stoker

A certified 2022 phenomenon. This was a huge amount of fun, parcelling out Dracula chronologically, letting a whole fandom form, having dramatic long hiatus and bursts of action. I also love matching stories to their chronology, as I mentioned with LOTR, which would be very suited to this same format. I've read dracula before, this definitely enhanced my enjoyment. In my memory theres a real drop after the Jonathan Harker diary, but this format a) acknowledged that by having the long hiatus and b) overcomes that and makes the latter part of the story feel much more significant.

52) Arthur King of the Middle March

The third part of the trilogy. This one focuses on the disastrous Fourth Crusade, where half the people who had RSVPd didnt show up, leaving the ones who did with an enormous bill for more ships than they could use, which Venice agreed they could pay off by attacking Venices enemies... who were other Christians. This allows the conceit of contrasting the real world chivalry knights with the idealised Arthurian round table to come to a head, fantastically showing the moral decay and sense of stagnation as they occupy and loot their ostensible brothers in christendom. The book came out in 2003, but has incredibly on point vibes of the Iraq war as a whole... although I suppose the issue here is that the crusaders never even reached the middle east.

[goldenkenku]

hello I come with oc questions hello! what are some fun facts about whoever is most on your mind right now? and what are some not-so-fun facts? :3c

OUNGGHH. TY FOR THIS [EXPLODES]

LMAO SO FOR FUN FACTS:

Paroxysm is genuinely something I can say was created purely on accident because I got very attached to the new edgy oc (Shin) and decided that they Must have some depth even tho I originally wanted them to be flat and just for funsies. To explain: Shin originally was this mass of creatures who decided to kill and possess some rando's (rando being Daki) body while pretending to Be them etc etc then shenanigans ensure. But yeah I was like. "Ok but who is the guys he's possessing tho. Also does this dude have any friends who'd notice this change– oH ALSO W–[FALLS FACE FIRST INTO INTENSE HYPERFOCUS]

▪︎Also extra note: Dai had been created during this original concept phase as well! I wanted Daki (the guy Shin is possessing currently) to have like. Actual Friends who'd notice that Somethings Different in him and would help him if possible and moments later Dai was born

And speaking of Dai, this reminds me that in early development (saying this like Paroxysm isn't still a baby) he was originally meant to be... 21 years old? but after getting more into his life accomplishments and all that I came to the conclusion of: "If this guy were in fact 21 yrs old, I think the sheer amount of stress he's under would perhaps send him into an early grave"– and basically he's 23 yrs old now (but also I do not think that man has ever gotten more than 5-6hrs of sleep in one sitting. Good lird)

On the flip side tho, his friend Daki is currently in the middle of taking a break year between high school and college since he's graduated, and I think he gets enough sleep/relaxation time for the both of them (/hj because very soon Daki gets exposed to The Horrors and is put thru the metaphorical blender)

▪︎Dai's name came from when I was trying to say ShinDaki (<- the current duo name for Shin and Daki's dynamic) While. Extremely Tired and ended up saying "ShinDai" on accident LMAO, anyways it stuck with me as we can see

▪︎fun thing that I like to sprinkle into their dynamic occasionally is that Daki admires Dai SO much, but subconsciously has this bad habit of comparing themself to him Constantly (obviously not the healthiest of habits lol) and wants to be someone that Dai can be proud of

Also Daki has been procrastinating confessing His Feelings™ for Dai for at least years and at this point he's made peace with going to the grave with them as well (Hes gets nervous making larger life decisions, and will normally get someone else to support him during smth like this. And since this is something he must do alone (<- without Dai's support) he has decided to Not)

Dai has Feelings for Daki as well lol, but he's less self aware when it comes to these things and it took dating a random girl that he works with to Really register it LMAO (while they were dating he was like. Huh. Hey so why can't I stop thinking about my friend. [Realizes] OH. OHHHHHHH. FUCK.) Anyways he ended up telling her this (bc he felt guilty and thought she should know) and soon after they broke up unfortunately, on good terms btw!!! They're still really close friends still but it was... sooo fucking awkward during the week post breakup. But in true Dai fashion he has decoded to repress his feelings for Daki for Later™ him to address

Anyways I love my sillies, but for the not so fun facts!!!:

▪︎The reason why Dai is Like That (overachiever/overworker/doesn't know how to take care of himself etc etc) is because he's been trying to live up to the impossible standard his parents have set for him, and the standards he's set for himself mentally as a result of this. I feel that he envies Daki's ability to like... actually relax without the feeling of crawling out of his skin bc of restlessness (tfw you have strict parents who don't know how to convey positive emotions at children and give them insane mental illnesses instead)

Also Daiki be like. "Ohh I admire your ability to live a life that is seemingly the exact opposite of my own. I wish I were more like you" bc I dunno love wins

▪︎In the Egregore AU (<- Basically the reverse version of Paroxysm where Dai gets possessed instead of Daki) Dai is.. Alot more paranoid(?) compared to his original counterpart. And smth smth I think he has OCD  in Egregore now? So basically. The Curse thats possessing him can be summed up as "horrific intrusive thoughts that are also Very Sentient/Alive" and I dunno. I was looking at how someone like him might yknow. Cope with this sort of thing and kept realizing that it was very simular to how I've seen people deal/sooth themselves during bad bouts of OCD. Anyways in Paroxysm Daki's body is taken away from him and in Egregore its Dai's mind that's turned against him. They are 🤝🤝🤝🤝 while also crying LOL

▪︎There was a version of Paroxysm where Daki... perma died at The Start of the story, and it was abt Dai solving and avenging his murder and Shin being an ass about it. It's changed since then so instead of dying he gets rreeaallllll close to it lol

(And since this was The Original Concept of Paroxysm, the meaning of Daki's name reflects that still even tho things have changed Alot since then. Anyways Daki meant "abandon, throw away, discard" etc etc however I recently found a different (kanji) spelling of Daki that can mean princess which is SO funny to me)

▪︎ONE MORE SINCE I AM SLEEPY AND I THINK THIS IS GETTING A TAD LONG.

Shin has The Worst abandonment issues known to man and science. It's understandable since the One person he had really trusted and felt a really connection with basically sealed him into a box where his energy bounced and reflected off of itself for.. almost? 20 years basically, and for the most part he doesn't know Why this happened to him (the process of That fucked up/twisted his memories, so he genuinely cannot rely on whatever goes on his brain memory wise) so he's done alot of stewing in anger/grief/intense confusion during that time. I do not think he would begin to recognize what he was "before."

In short Shin has decided to take out all of his Very pent up Issues on Daki, which obvs doesn't end well for anyone involved unfortunately

[gallantsalons]

Look Younger & Stay Healthier with Gallant Salons – Luxury Unisex Salons

Radiating skin is the symbol of a healthy you. We at Gallant Salon – the luxury unisex salon in Ghaziabad believe that taking care of your skin is easier than many think. You just need to be paying attention to some easy tips. In this blog, let’s highlight a few amazing tips from dermatologists. 

Embrace a stress-free life

Worries are not going to help you. Uncontrolled stress will make your skin more sensitive and result in acne breakouts and various other skin-related problems. There are a few skin diseases like psoriasis and eczema which might often appear for the first time when someone feels really stressed. Gallant Salon, the unisex salon in Vasundhara, recommends healthy ways to manage stress. For example, you should get enough sleep, spend more leisurely time with your loved ones, rediscover your passion and make time to do the things you enjoy. The results will really surprise you.

Eat a healthy diet 

There is no substitute for healthy food. Having nutritious food goes a long way to keep you in the best of wellness and helps you look and feel your best. Gallant Salon, the unisex salon in Vasundhara recommends you make a diet plan and stick to it. Eat plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. As per research, a diet rich in fish oil or fish oil supplements and low in unhealthy fats and processed or refined carbohydrates might promote younger-looking skin. In addition to eating nutritious food, we suggest you drink enough water to keep your skin hydrated.

Smoking is injurious to your skin

We all know that smoking is dangerous to health.  It speeds up the aging of your skin. As per researchers, smoking can worsen some skin diseases, including psoriasis. Therefore, stop procrastinating and quit smoking as soon as possible. 

Use quality skin care products

One of the leading unisex salons in Vasundhara, Gallant Salon always promotes the usage of premium quality products. We believe that you should use products created for your skin’s needs which will eventually help your skin look and feel its best.

Wash your face regularly

Cultivate a habit of washing your face before bed, and after sweating. This will remove the dirt and bacteria that settle on your face. Before going to bed, it’s important to remove grime, such as dirt, dust, and smog, etc. which may have stuck on your skin.

Apply sunscreen before stepping out

Sunscreen is the best way to protect your skin from the scorching sun. Moreover, it can slow down skin aging. Find a sunscreen that offers broad-spectrum protection. We at Gallant Salon, the best salon for bridal makeup always recommend the usage of branded sunscreen products. 

Scrubbing may harm your skin

Sometimes, you might have the urge to scrub your skin to clean it. Scrubbing irritates your skin and worsens any skin condition. Gallant Salon is one of the most sought-after unisex salons in Ghaziabad, known for offering a broad gamut of haircut, beauty, and bridal makeup services/ solutions. Keep the above-mentioned tips in mind to take care of your skin.

[pintobordeaux]

@natasharomanovofficial I also feel like procrastinating work so here's my random ask answers.

And I’m not tagging anyone since that always gives me anxiety that I’m bothering them, or somehow forgetting someone and they’ll be angry at me like it’s myspace top 10 days part 2. If you see this and wanna to do it yourself feel free! You’re welcome to tag me to read your answers ❤️

I am also wordy AF so answers below the read more.

Are you named after someone?

Real life - no

Online - So uhhhhhh funny story time! I mod an erasermight discord server and some of the members from Brazil got to talking. We discovered the absolute hilarity that is the fact that the word pinto in english is used for a type of bean people eat, or sometimes that car that exploded when the bumper was hit in the 70’s.

But the word pinto to them? Dick. Cock. Penis. [insert your favorite euphemism here]

I tacked on the bordeaux because alliteration feels good on my tongue, and the fact that just the word pinto was used everywhere already for handles.

Sooooo now I get to think of my name as the most safe-for-work way to say “dick like fine wine.” Makes me giggle like a kid telling a fart joke.

Last time cried?

Whooooo boy. Maybe last week while working? Idk I was having toddler feelings. Not enough sleep, food, enrichment in my environment, etc and had a moment.

Any kids?

Nope and currently never plan to

Do I use sarcasm?

When I was younger I used sarcasm a lot. I’ve noticed a couple of years ago that I really stopped for the most part.

But every once in a while I’ll get in a spicy mood and it comes out though. Usually thats in person though since online doesn’t always translate it well even with the /s tag.

First thing I notice about a person?

In person - height probably?

Online - if you make me laugh or get those WAFFs

What’s your eye color?

Brown

Scary movie or happy ending?

Not even a contest. Happy endings every time.

I actually don’t watch scary movies at all. I’m an anxious motherfucker and don’t need more adrenaline in my life.

Special talents?

I have fantastic spacial visualization. What does that mean? You know these stupid things they ask on those bullshit IQ tests? I’m really good at them. Helps with picturing reorganizing a room, packing boxes really tightly, or playing tetris I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Birthplace?

USA

Hobbies?

Oh noooo. So many and I oscillate between them all year to year. So off the top of my head here’s a small list of things I’ve gotten into before

Art (if you can think of it I’ve probably tried it at least once), sewing, gardening, baking, cooking, canning, cross stitch, knitting, bookbinding, violin, woodworking, writing, reading, woodburning, 3D printing, soap making

Probably more that I dearly love and am just not hyperfixated on right now so it’s out of sight out of mind

Do you play/have you played any sports?

I’m actually a black belt in tae kwon do!

I tried track once in school because I wanted to be the kind of person who runs. I am decidedly not. And now I have pretty strong opinions against running (for me personally. For everyone else you do you boo)

Pets?

CATS!

I have one orange old man cat who I’ve had for 10 years. He’s a vocal, opinionated, bright-like-a-potato of a companion. I love him with all my heart.

I am currently also housing a cat for my friend in active duty. She is the smollest, most polite little sweetie I’ve ever lived with.

The two cats do not get along sooo a lot of my days/nights are spent switching spending time with them in various parts of the house while keeping them separated.

Height?

I don’t need a booster seat to drive but when I say I’ve eyed up those visor extenders I mean it with all my heart.

I’m not always the shortest one in a room, but if I’m not I’m always in the shortest top 3.

Favorite school subject?

As a kid - art! I also weirdly like algebra because it’s so formulaic which gave me a lot of instant gratification.

Higher education - I loved cadaver anatomy. So much so I took it two separate times, at two different schools. I was also a TA at one of them for the lab. So I’ve probably been around 4-5 semesters worth of anatomy labs.

For art classes the most fun I’ve actually had was learning to 3D model. Learning Zbrush was a steep curve but worth it.

Dream job?

This question is so hard! Burnout is so real between school/work/the everything of the world it’s hard for me to imagine what would be my dream job out of anything in the world.

I also tend to change interest so fast it’s hard for me to think of something that would hold my interest, I’d enjoy, I’d be able to get good at, and get a sense of purpose from.

It’s definitely not perfect by any means, but the job I have now is pretty damn good and does have a lot of the things I need to keep myself engaged and fulfilled. Plus I get to play in VR during work time sometimes for bonding and all that jazz.

[forschoolpurposes011304]

How COVID-19 Affected Our Country

In 2019, Corona Virus Disease or COVID-19 spread across the world like a wildfire. Originating from Wuhan city China, the virus still managed to travel across the seas. It took a lot of lives both literally and figuratively; it made going outside impossible thus the loss of jobs and economic downfall. While 3 years ago we struggled with the sudden pandemic, 2022 proves that we are slowly getting back up. Vaccines are now a thing, almost everyone is vaccinated and are free to go out to places. Lockdowns are also now much more lenient but still have rules we have to abide. 

Here in the Philippines from what I have observed, the government’s handling of the first wave was not good at all. The announcement of the lockdown was late, only did the former President Duterte put the country in lockdown after many are infected with COVID-19 and were dying. Hospitals were always full, taking every facilities as a ward for the infected patients. Oxygen tanks became expensive, as well as people’s greed; making masks and face shields more pricey than normal. Many people lost their jobs, making them stuck at home barely getting by. I saw it with my own two eyes; a close acquaintance of mine quit their job to work abroad but unfortunately was caught with the lockdown and flight restrictions, making them stay at their parent’s house and jobless. 

Education became a hassle as well, many students were forced to adjust to online learning or modular learnings. Those unfortunate on the first wave had to stop due to being unable to adjust or have proper materials to study such as lack of gadgets and internet problems. 

Food and Medicine were necessities but only one person back then could only go out to buy for their family. They were called “Alay” and were only the family members allowed to go outside back then providing they have valid ID to present if they go out as well as have a mask and face shield at all times.

A Personal Experience with COVID-19

In December last year to January this year, I spent weeks in Quarantine in a Highschool. I remember my mom coming home from her job as a nursing aide and telling us to not have contact with her because she had COVID. The next morning, she was taken to be quarantined. At first, I thought I wouldn’t have it as I never did get close to her etc. so imagine our surprise that all of us actually got COVID. Me and my dad spent our birthdays in quarantine and all I did was stare at the four walls of my tent. After we were done being quarantined, I notice myself failing school. I became unmotivated and barely pass anything on time. This accompanied with high expectations worsened my mental health which forced me to go AWOL for weeks this semester. I remember having no motivation to stand up or even if I did, I never made my bed. I was a mess, social media distracted me but when it was gone, I remember feeling so empty and crying myself to sleep.

COVID-19 takes a lot from a person and people in general. You won’t know how serious the virus is until you had it. My family got by luckily but others were unfortunate enough to have the short end of the stick. 

What Are My Thoughts Now?

Personally now that the pandemic is almost over, I want everyone to remember how we handled the pandemic and learn how to handle a pandemic better in the future. The Government should listen to people and the Scientists, have actual funding for emergency cases, have a plan in general instead of going in with minimum knowledge of the severity of the case. 

As to how to deal with the effects of COVID-19, if you’re like me who went through a rough patch in recovering, don’t be afraid to seek help or have a friend who will always be there for you. I kept everyone at arm’s length so when I spiraled downhill, nobody was there to reach out for me. If you struggle at online school, make a schedule, plan, organizer etc. on how you’ll deal with each subject and assignments. Don’t procrastinate, it makes you tired; it burns you out faster. These are my only suggestions as these are what I did or should’ve done but how I deal with it is different from others.

[mothmvn]

I work online, albeit in a country far away, and when the war started -- well, that morning I did attend a work meeting on pure insane inertia, but then I sort of, uh, ghosted my work (my two works! two jobs! both online!), completely, because everything to do with the world here felt so utterly divorced from the world I was spending 24/7 caring about and thinking about. and of course, messages piled up, and the sheer dread of thinking about what people were writing kept me from opening them.

but I did eventually - a full two weeks after 24/02 - and of course they were all kind and understanding and so on. it helped that we only have the one meeting a week, so I didn’t miss many. and things got better, in the sense that I readjusted to the physical country I was actually in, joined into the workflow again, etc etc. but like, the war didn’t go anywhere, I still think about it every morning when I wake up and read through the news, and every night when I read through the news before I go to sleep, and throughout the day (during meals and tv shows and those same online work meetings).

and so I went back to my parents’ place for the weekend two weeks ago, back to a home where I speak my actual native language (instead of English with my partner/friends/coworkers), a home where everyone is likewise thinking about the war in some capacity 24/7, and it threw things off again. not in the same way, but just -- it was Easter (our Easter -- Western Easter gets holiday Fri+Mon around the weekend, not so for ours), and I was home, and the world here seemed extremely distant again, and messages piled up and now the dread is real ...

but like, this time I don’t feel I can as easily say “it’s the war” and wrongly reap the kindness of my employers. because things were better for about a month and a half, I got work done, I checked messages, I did things on time - I was a well-adjusted person in this fucked-up situation.

but it is the war! there is no rest from it! there’s no such thing as a relaxed moment that doesn’t get interrupted by the thought of “oh, fuck, the war”! it fades to the background here and there, I can and do get distracted by media that takes my roiling brain blessedly away from the war, but ultimately it still comes down to mornings that start with “oh, fuck, was there a strike in Kyiv while I slept?” and nights that end with my grandparents texting to say “things are quiet” and that’s just... the routine now! I watch shows and listen to podcasts and I waste time and I procrastinate opening those messages and the whole time, any second that my brain is not actively occupied by something else, somewhere somehow I am thinking “fuck, the war”

like, gee, maybe this sudden drop in my ability to stay in touch with my employers and the world around me might have something to do with THE WAR??? who’s to say.

anyway, it’s also a horrible feeling in the sense that I don’t want to get vulnerable with my employers and explain that, well, you see, the war is still going on, and no, nothing’s gotten worse for me personally, no one has died, no, it’s not actually taking up my time so much, it’s not stopping me from doing work, no, I’m not actively busied by it, it’s just -- the war! it’s THE WAR, it’s the war and it’s there all the time.

I don’t want to open my soul and explain that to my coworkers for whom it’s not THE WAR. how can they understand? and because this job has been online for the whole year I’ve been working it, I haven’t made friends out of coworkers, and I likely won’t -- this would be vulnerability out of thin air, and the thought makes me sick. but I owe them work, and in absence of that I owe them an explanation, and they would forgive, they forgave last time. this is unprecedented and so forth. I just fear to think: how long will they be kind enough to consider it unprecedented on my behalf? my sense of the world will be shifted on its axis until the war ends and the war routine fades. will their kindness last that long? how can they understand?

good news, though: air raid alert has ended in Kyiv, apparently. yay for that.

[party-gilmore]

Just

Eliot not being able to stop touching Hardison after The Grave Danger Job.

Not being grabby, exactly, he can't give himself permission to be like that (yet), just always a fingertip or knuckle brushing against an arm or sleeve, or leaning close enough to touch shoulders or etc., etc.

And following him around. Like, everywhere. Full on hovering. Maybe even subconsciously. Trailing around behind him through the apartment after they get him in, get him settled. As he putters around, trying to soothe himself enough to go to bed. Procrastinating it even though he's exhausted. Slowly getting more and more annoyed with his new shadow.

Having to stop Eliot at the bathroom door like a new dog with separation anxiety, and only then maybe does Eliot realize what he's doing, and Hardison realizes Eliot only just realized, and it's awkward for a minute as Eliot clears his throat and pointedly goes to sit on the couch while Hardison handles his business.

But when he comes back out and sees Eliot just sitting there, blank and quiet, elbows on his knees and hands hanging in his lap as limply as his head is from his shoulders, at a loss with what to do with himself and clearly all up in his own head about the day they just had... Hardison goes and sits next to Eliot and gently baps their shoulders together. Gives him permission to touch again. Permission to shadow him again.

Although, not too much more shadowing is needed, because Eliot's so deep in his it was my fault I'm supposed to protect them where was I I need to do better I need to keep eyes on them I need to- guilt spiral, he's actually a little startled at the touch and straightens up real quick in that direction. This opens up his body toward Hardison, whose weight slips from where it was resting against Eliot's shoulder right into his open torso. As soon as Hardison’s head hits Eliot's chest he's relaxing and Safe and out like a light - rather, like any of the lights in any of the other apartments this late at night. In Nate's living room, they still shine bright and warm and comforting.

Eliot doesn't wrap too tight around him, just lays his hands light and loose along Hardison's sides, and looks up to the rafters to nod at Parker.

She nods back.

Somebody hold this man, so I don't have to.

She could have done it too, maybe. Maybe not. She doesn't really know. But she'd have tried, if Hardison had needed her to. But he didn't. Because Eliot is here. Which means she doesn't need to worry about messing it all up, because she isn't sure how to touch right now without it overwhelming her. So she watches Eliot hold him instead. Watches them both drop off into uneasy sleep.

And if she drops down for just a moment to experimentally brush her lips against not just one but two furrowed brows, both twitching with different variations on the same nightmare, hoping to soothe them...

Well. It's only her and Old Nate who have to know.

[xaharadesert]

MC with Love Language of Touch - Headcanon

Arcana Characters (Main 6) x MC

A/N: Back to your regularly scheduled headcanons :) this one is a pretty old request from @divinedaughterofposeidon! I’ll be going through the older requests before moving onto the new ones, but with finals coming up I’ll probably spend more time writing and procrastinating instead of studying! Please let me know if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes! Requests are open :)

❤️Julian❤️

This man is absolutely a complete cuddle bug

You want a hug? He’s dropping everything (sometimes literally) to give you one immediately

You never need to worry about feeling too clingy with Julian— the man isn’t exactly distant himself

Honestly, you may even have to pry him off yourself to get him to do other things

It started as a joke, but now whenever the two of you go walking somewhere he holds his arm out so you can link yours with his like he’s escorting you around a fancy ball

This can cause a problem every once in a while, when one of you sees something interesting and nearly yanks the other off their feet to pull them to it

Sometimes when the two of you are relaxing at home, Julian will lay down with his head on your lap, holding one of your hands in his own, just gently running his thumb over your knuckles

He’s elated to have someone who doesn’t mind some of his more clingy tendencies, and he adores that you’re so willing to hold him as close as he wants to hold you

🧡Portia🧡

Physical affection is one of her favourite ways of showing you just how much she adores you!

She feels like sometimes she’s so busy that she doesn’t have enough time to properly articulate how much you mean to her, so quick hugs and squeezing your hand as she walks by are nice substitutes

Speaking of squeezing your hand, it becomes almost a little made up language for the two of you

Not like Morse code; it’s much simpler than that

One squeeze for “I love you”, two for “see you soon”, three for “I’ll miss you”, etc

When she holds your hand on walks it’s almost like having your own mini conversation

Obviously she’d prefer being closer to you, maybe cuddling or hugging or taking a nap together, but when you’re both so busy it’s nice to know that a couple hand squeezes will make up for a lack of time

💛Lucio💛

Listen, you’d be hard pressed to find a clingier man than him

Like, seriously, just try to pry him off once he’s latched onto you

He doesn’t care if it’s unprofessional, if he has to be in some sort of boring meeting, one of you is sitting in the other’s lap (or less, just cuddling— he will have a couch brought into the room solely so that he can cuddle you)

He likes to have you on his right side so that he can feel you properly— his golden arm is amazing, but he likes to run his hand up and down whatever bare skin of yours he can reach, and it’s not quite the same with a metal hand

Sometimes if he’s feeling extra clingy while you’re having a conversation with someone else, he’ll stand beside or behind you and lean in really close until your faces are practically smooshed together

It works great for weirding other people enough for them to leave you alone as well as making you laugh, which is one of his favourite sounds

💚Muriel💚

Out of the main love interest’s, Muriel is perhaps the most unused to touch

I mean, he’s obviously not touch-starved, seeing as that would be nearly impossible while having Asra as a friend, but with how large he is, he can sometimes be a bit nervous when showing physical affection

He tries his best to be gentle, never hugging you too hard, and constantly asking if he’s being too rough

He’s even a little nervous to sleep in the same bed with you, worried that he may role over and squish you or accidentally smother you

But he does enjoy it when you use him as a pillow when cuddling or sleeping together

He’s still a little anxious, but having you draped on top of him relaxes him

Not only is it pleasant to have full-body contact with you, he finds the pressure of having you lying over with your full weight to be grounding

💙Asra💙

Everyone knows for a fact that Asra likes to be in physical contact with you, whether they even wanted to know that or not

He is consistently touching you in some way, whether it’s an arm around your waist while talking with a vendor, or locking your pinkies together in a crowded space so you don’t get separated

If you just happen to be laying around somewhere at home, reading a book, taking a nap, or just daydreaming, he will drape himself over you like a cat

He likes to be as close to you as possible, and sometimes acts like a bit of an octopus by wrapping himself around you and refusing to let go

After so long of not being able to hold you the way he wanted to, he cherishes every moment he can spend pressed up against you

Even if the two of you are having a disagreement, you’ll probably just have to sleep with your backs pressed against each other because he would miss you too much otherwise

You’ll never even have the opportunity to miss his touch because he will constantly smother you with affection every single chance he gets

💜Nadia💜

At first you may think that she’s not really one for touch, but you’d be wrong

As someone who is constantly standing tall and somewhat intimidating above all else, she finds it relaxing to just scoop you into her arms at the end of the day and smother you with love

She has a bit of a hard time expressing herself through touch at first, seeing as most of her previous relationships were devoid of such comforts, but once she finds her footing, there’s no stopping her

One of her favourite things to do is run her fingers through your hair, and style it, if you’ll allow her

She adores having her haired played with as well, as she finds it soothing

If she has a busy day, and not much time to spend with you, she’ll never fail to gently caress your cheek before she heads off to face the day

[muneersecstasy]

There's a constant battle going inside my head.

There's a constant battle going inside my head. My conscience(Zameer) conflicting with my Nafs. I keep hearing some voices from time to time coming from inside of me, in my mind. I don't understand where do they come from or it is Shaytan who's whispering them in my ears. Stopping me from approaching opportunities. Ceasing my capacity of rational thinking. Making me self-judgmental. Compelling me to start doubting my ownself, my own capabilities. Making me saying things to myself like you're worthless, you’re lazy, you’re stupid, you’re unlovable, etc. Which is eventually making me hate myself. However, forgetting how could you hate yourself? Despite, When Allahﷻ loves you the most. Heﷻ loves you more than seventy mothers. When our prophet Muhammad ﷺ loves you the most. How?

Maybe the reason behind procrastinating over everything is also these voices. Making me lazier day by day. And when I procrastinate, I judge myself pretty harshly, telling myself I’m not a good person, I'm just like a sack of potatoes. Moreover, what concerns me is that everyone is productive and are achieving their goals, except me. Asking myself why I'm not good enough?Somedays, these voices inside of me don't even let me sleep. Spending nights overthinking. Yet, i forget that we're human beings. Our lord created us as humans. And every human has different capabilities and potentialities on the basis of which, we work accordingly. We make mistakes, making us aware of what needs to be changed in order to improve. Besides, every human has their vices too. With whom a person constantly battles or either befriend them, that means to become slave of 'em. These vices or lusts are also aroused by our nafs. When Shaytan and nafs team up against us. They trick us in different different ways with gimmicks and deceptions, to make us go astray. But we should stay steadfast on our deen, and ask Allahﷻ for help and protection from evil. However, we make mistakes, we learn and we overcome. Nevertheless, we do keep repeating some of our mistakes untill we learn from them. Though, people don't see our struggles and just kept throwing their words as knives. They don't think that their mouths could work like a bows and words like arrows. And could criticality damage one's feelings. Even if they kill someone, someday. But who cares. And it is also their words behind the growth of these voices. It isn't easy to win over these voices. It is our conscience which help us to keep fighting the inner battle, against the things that we don't speak out. These troubles we've got may arises through the traumatic events we experience or have experienced. It just end up making a chaos inside your head. It feels like a graveyard, occasionally we end up burying something inside of us. In the end, what we came to realise is that these voices are nothing but created by our own Nafs, when befriended by Shaytan. ["Auzubillahi-Minashaitan-Nirajeem": I seek refuge in Allah from the outcast Shaitan.] And, as for the thoughts, it can be seen as an example of a pathway where different passersby passes and it's upto you to whom do you have to pay attention to. If you gave your attention to the wrong one, it will eventually harm you. And for the right one, it will be beneficial for you. ["In-Sha-Allah": if Allah wills.] And to make a difference between the right and wrong, our conscience works. And ask Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى): "Ya Rabb, grant me the strength to change the things i can, the courage to accept the things i can't, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Somethings are better to be left unsaid. “Whether you conceal what is in your hearts or reveal it, Allah will know it.” He knows what is in the heavens and what is in the earth. Allah is powerful over everything.[ Aal-Imran | 3:29] Indeed. He's all knowing: Rab-ul-alameen. Our pain is as temporary as this world. Every disease has it's cure. Verily, it is our lord who shall heal the chest of his believers. Whosoever believe in his guidance and mercy, his heart will be cured. "...And (He) shall heal the breast of the believers." [At-Tawba | 9:14] Surely, heﷻ test us by putting us in trials. And verily, with hardship comes ease. How can we forget that this worldly life is only temporary enjoyment, and indeed, the hereafter is the home of permanent settlement? We all are here today and gone tomorrow. And all these worldly possessions will end up being worthless. And only our good deeds will remain with us on the day of judgement. May Allah ﷻ forgive us all for our sins. May Allah ﷻ grant us relief from all that suffocates us and constricts us. May heﷻ grant us peace amongst the turmoils and tribulations. May Allah ﷻ grant us protection against laziness, cowardice, miserliness and the punishment of the grave. May Allahﷻ grant our souls dutifulness and purify them from arrogance, envy, egoism, selfishness, greed, lust, intolerance, anger, lying, cheating, gossiping, and slandering. May Allahﷻ guard us all. As he's the bestower of faith and Security: "Al-Mu’min". And the Guardian: "Al-Muhaymin". May Allah ﷻ take our lives when he's most pleased with us and help us all to get over these mental traumas.

Ameen ya rabbul alameen!🌼🍃

Fi-Aman-illah!🥀

════ ❁✿❁ ════