#strange experience. kind of addicting.

[sophiethewitch1]

Just played degrees of lewdity for the first time and got vored by a whale???

[vaugarde]

yeah im sorry maybe im just failing media literacy here and im not seeing it but the wings of the magias give me the same vibe as “yeah so this marvel villain wants to stop workplace abuse but like!!! he killed a baby to do it unprompted!!!! so you cant expect me to side with him!”

[certaimromance]

𝜗𝜚 Holding Us.

Spencer Reid x Fem!reader

Summary: You finally had a perfect date with the guy you like, you even kissed and everything seemed perfect. But suddenly he starts acting weird and you think you know this behavior.

Words: 2,5k.

TW: mentions of trauma, death, injuries (normal warnings in the series). drugs and addictions!!! especially spencer's history with them. angst and also comfort???. spoilers for season 2. english is not my first language (sorry for my mistakes, be kind please).

Note: Next time I'm probably going to write something that might be all fluff, but drama and angst are calling to me.

♡ Enjoy! ♡

The taste of green tea, accompanied by ginger, entered your throat again and you couldn't help but let out a sigh. Your reading glasses fogged up and you mentally cursed yourself for not remembering to take them off sooner. Your mind was elsewhere and the bandage on your right hand made it impossible for you to go about your business normally.

You settled into the jet seat and tried to ignore the pain you felt in your arms to continue reading normally and turn the page, but it was still impossible and not even your favorite hot drink worked as medicine. All the recent events were replaying in your mind like a movie, and being attacked by a serial killer on your first case after a long flu break was worthy of a dramatic script.

Fortunately, Spencer was your partner at the time and helped you just before the unsub could use his knife on you badly and end your life in the blink of an eye. You had cut your hand deeply in the middle of the struggle and Reid appeared to save you when you were lost, even with his few physical skills, he fought the man as best he could and shot him without even hesitating.

You didn't even get a chance to thank him because it all happened so fast and he'd been acting weird since you came back to work after your break. In the ambulance, he barely looked at you when the paramedic finished patching you up, asked if you were okay, and then went back to acting like you were a pest to be avoided at all costs. You kept wondering if you'd done something wrong, because just four weeks ago the two of you had the best date of your lives, even kissed, and now you weren't even acting like friends.

You began to wonder how much could have changed in a week. Everything was fine until you officially went back to work and tried to act normal. You got sick after the date, Spencer was a gentleman and brought you soup and flowers for days, even though he knew you wouldn't let him see you. And then, overnight, you found out that he'd been kidnapped in a case while you were away, and assumed that was why his constant messages and calls had stopped. You came back thinking that you could be a support to him after such a traumatic experience, but instead he avoided you.

“Is everything okay?” Hotch's voice startled you, almost causing you to drop your cup on the floor. He was sitting in front of you and you thought he was asleep like everyone else.

“Oh, you scared me.” You put your hand over your heart and put the teacup down on the table to look at him.

“You haven't answered my question.” He insisted, settling back in his seat and giving you a look that compelled you to tell him everything. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I was just thinking about what happened and how I didn't get a chance to thank Reid.” You admitted somewhat awkwardly, not wanting to make it obvious that your feelings went beyond friendship, although deep down you knew it was clear. “I've seen him acting strangely, I think he's avoiding me.”

“You should try to talk to him and ask him what's wrong. He saved your life today, that's not something you do by avoiding someone.” Your boss said in a reassuring tone, noticing your great nervousness about the subject. “I don't think he'll have a problem talking to you, and now he seems as thoughtful as you are.” He finished, pointing with his head.

You took the moment to look at Spencer and noticed that Hotchner was right. He looked as pensive and confused as you had been during the minutes you had all been traveling. He was frowning slightly, fiddling with his fingers and looking out the window, even though it was night and there wasn't much to see because of the darkness. You couldn't help but wonder if he was thinking about you.

“I hope you're right.” You murmured, taking another sip of your tea and looking at the papers the man was going through. “Strauss will send me home after this, right?”

“You can't do much with your injured use hand, you need a few days.”

“I'm fine and my other hand is fine, I have not even had to take painkillers. I've got it under control.” You replied tiredly, trying to ignore the pain you felt by making a gesture. “Please don't send me home. I can't anymore, I have to work or I will go crazy.” You added, practically begging him.

“Don't get used to it.” He warned you in a serious tone before continuing. “But I'll talk to her and you stay out of it. You'll just profile and theorize until your hand is right. Nothing more than that and where my eyes see you.”

“You're the best boss in the world, really, I'll buy you a mug that says that.” You said, getting up from your seat and holding back the urge to hug him, knowing it was too much.

“Agent.” He called out to you in a serious tone before you could do anything. “Be careful and tell me if you are in pain...just don't tell anyone I intervened for you or I'll fire you.”

“Understood, sir.” You replied in the same formal tone before heading for the bathroom.

Something inside you knew it wasn't normal for the stitches in your hand to hurt so much, so you slipped into the plane's bathroom as quickly as you could, thankful that most of the team was asleep enough to notice your groans as you moved forward and closed the door behind you. You carefully removed the bandage, seeing that a few stitches had opened up, and pulled the painkillers you'd been given to ease the pain out of the bag, but before you could take any, a couple of knocks on the door made you jump and pray it wasn't your boss.

“Who is it?” You asked in confusion.

“It's me, Spencer.”

You didn't even have to think before you unlocked the door and yanked it open with your good hand.

“Do you want to come in? I was just leaving...” You started to babble as soon as your eyes met his and all the nervousness of a teenager in love appeared.

“I wanted to know if you were okay, I saw you come in complaining of pain.” He explained calmly, lowering his gaze to your hand and watching it with concern.

“Oh, don't worry. I'm fine.”

“May I check?” He asked cautiously, and you nodded a little nervously.

You went further into the bathroom so he could do the same, and he did, taking the back of your injured hand after washing his hands to make sure everything was okay. He touched you so gently that you almost forgot the pain you were in without even taking the painkillers.

“One of the stitches opened up, that's why it hurts. But it's not infected, so they should just sew it up and you'll be fine.” Spencer reassured you while you looked at him carefully.

Incredibly, this was the first time since your return that he had said more than one sentence to you, and he was less than a meter away from you. It made you feel like a fool to be mildly excited about it.

“And how are you? You were the hero who took the worst of it and saved my life.” You pointed as you watched him carefully apply a new bandage to your hand.

As soon as you asked, he pulled away and unconsciously put his hand to his stomach, where the unsub had elbowed him pretty hard in the middle of the struggle. “I'm fine. Nothing I can't handle.”

“Sure?”

He nodded and ran his fingers gently over his stomach, wincing as he tried to hide the pain. You always thought he wasn't very good at hiding things. As soon as he looked into your eyes and saw your worried face, he repeated that he was fine. You raised a skeptical eyebrow, not believing him for a second about his supposed well-being. You had spent enough time with him to know when he was hiding something, just by looking into his eyes.

“You're a terrible liar.” You said, looking at him with narrowed eyes while he repeatedly shook his head. “Then let me see.”

Spencer's eyes widened at your request, but the blush that appeared on his cheeks betrayed that there was more than embarrassment in his expression. He hesitated for a moment, but finally agreed, knowing he wasn't going to get out of this one. He slowly lifted his shirt, wincing as he did so, revealing the large red bruise on his stomach, just above his hip.

Your gaze fell on the large red bruise on his stomach and you gasped, covering your mouth in shock. It was much larger than you had expected and the color much more intense. You reached out tentatively and gently touched the bruised skin, causing him to flinch involuntarily.

“Are you in much pain?” You asked in a worried voice, trying to decipher his expression.

“It hurts a lot.” He nodded slowly, wincing as you touched the sensitive area, sending a shiver down his back. “But I'll be fine, really.”

“Okay.” You whispered, not knowing if it was time to move away from him or not. Not knowing what to do, you spoke again and didn't move. “I wanted to thank you for what you did, I haven't been able to before.”

He seemed surprised by your appreciation, and even more so when you stopped touching him and took a step back.

“I would never let anyone hurt you.” He said seriously, as if it were an oath.

You looked at him for a few seconds to make sure he meant it, and then you looked down at the ground. Something inside of you was screaming at you that this was the time to talk to him and put all your doubts on the table for him to resolve. You needed answers or you would go crazy, and maybe this was the time.

“Spencer.” You called out to him and waited for him to look at you to start talking. “I wanted to ask you what's wrong, if I did something or I don't know, apologize if it was like that, because it's terrible to see you avoiding me.” You began to speak quickly because you were nervous. “And if it's about the other night...our date and all that. I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable and pushed you into something.”

“No, you didn't do anything.” He stopped you immediately and tried to touch your face to make you look into his eyes, but he couldn't because of a sudden pain in his stomach and he had to lean against the sink. “The date went well, very well. It was actually wonderful.”

“What's wrong with you, why are you acting like this all of a sudden?” You asked him. You asked him, taking a few steps toward him and noticing that his eyes were on the painkillers you had left on the sink. Then you noticed how dilated his pupils were. “Are you in a lot of pain? Do you need these?”

“I'm fine, I'm not acting out in any way.” He replied, completely ignoring your last question, but still with his eyes on the meds.

“Come on, I know you. I know there's something wrong with you, and you don't have to hide it.” You persisted, trying to understand what was happening to him. You could tell by his body language that he was tense and defensive.

“I said I'm fine.” He cut you off.

“No, you're not, I realized something is wrong.” You tried to approach him because of his erratic behavior. His hands had begun to shake and his fingers were inches from the box of painkillers. “You can trust me, I know you and I'm here for you.”

“You think you know me that well already?” His tone made you feel uncomfortable and invasive. You could tell he was bothered by your implications. “One date doesn't get you that far.”

Ouch, that was a low blow.

“I didn't say that, Spencer.” You said, trying not to sound defensive. You didn't want to start a fight when you were just worried about him. “I just want to help you.”

“I don't need your help.”

You were silent for several seconds, your eyes following his to the painkillers. “But you need these, don't you?”

The trembling of his hands intensified with your question, you could see his pupils seem to dilate even more at the sight of the drugs in your hands, and his breathing became irregular. He nodded several times after your question, desperate to get his hands on them.

“Since when?”

“What?” He asked confusedly as you took the painkillers from his hands.

“You know what I'm talking about.” You looked him straight in the eye with seriousness and much more concern than before. “I know an addict when I see one.”

Your words had hit him like a big bucket of cold water, freezing him in place. He barely blinked a few times before he spoke.

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

“We both know.” You took a few steps toward him and took his hands, stopping the trembling in them. “And that means you're not alone in this anymore.”

He could hardly believe what you said. His mind had convinced him that if you found out, you would yell at him, turn your back on him, or report him, and instead...you were comforting him?

Spencer felt unable to look at you, the guilt washed over him. He tried to pull away.

“You...I'm a drug addict, and you're not even mad?”

“I'm not one to judge you, but I am one to help you.”

His eyes widened slightly at your words. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He desperately wanted to protest, to tell you that he was hopeless and completely lost...but how could he? You seemed so determined to stand by his side and support him, even after learning such a painful and shameful truth.

“You won't...leave me?”

“I would never leave.” You gave him a small smile and felt him drop his head on your shoulder and relax. “It's going to be okay.”

Finally, he closed his eyes and let out a choked sob without pulling away. Your words had hit him at a low point, and the reality of the situation had come crashing down on him after he had tried to ignore it for so long. He slowly embraced you, feeling that he would collapse without your support.

“Everything will be fine.”

And you were so sure of it that you saw yourself in the mirror every day.

[misseviehyde]

CONFISCATED - Part 1

"AGGGGHHHHHH! I FUCKING HATE YOU, I WISH YOU'D DIE!"

Lawrence winced as the screams of his hysterical teenage daughter rang in his ears and she slammed the door to her bedroom so hard, the house shook and plaster fell down.

Bella was volatile at the best of times, but by confiscating her phone - the most important thing in her life, her Father had really just set her off.

He could hear sobbing and crashing in her room and knew she was trashing it. He knew from experience that Bella would try anything to get her phone back... threatening him, threatening to hurt herself... begging, screaming, pleading, lying... it was kind of sad. She might even try to contact her Mom, but even though he and Beth had separated, they still parented together and it would do little good.

'Since when did teenagers get so addicted to social media?' he thought. He'd noticed his daughters addiction to her phone had been getting worse and then when another parent had contacted him to say Bella was bullying her daughter he had decided to act.

He'd been pretty disappointed to see the mean messages calling the other girl a fat loser. He knew Bella was a popular girl and obsessed with her looks, but he hadn't realised she was so mean. It seemed everyone was afraid of Bella and she liked it.

Lawrence had decided that he needed to get his daughter back on track. She would be moving out soon and he didn't want his legacy to be a spoiled toxic bitch who thought she could treat other people like dirt. Bella seemed to think the only thing that mattered in life was money and status.

"I better go through here and see what else she's been up to..." he mused.

Scrolling through the phone, Lawrence was a little embarrassed to see the clothes and outfits his daughter had bookmarked as things to buy. They were all skimpy and expensive... he wasn't sure he approved. There were also pictures of boys in her phone and he didn't want to think about his horny daughters crushes on other men.

As he scrolled through, his eye was suddenly caught by an app he had never heard of. Brat App.

Opening the app, Lawrence saw it was some sort of social media app. It seemed you scored points for posting selfies and completing tasks and then you could spend those points buying outfits and upgrades.

Bella had obviously been playing it a lot. She had accumulated a lot of points. Perhaps she'd been saving up?

Intrigued Lawrence opened the avatar menu.

CREATE NEW AVATAR?

He clicked the button and a 3D doll appeared. It was female - you could only have a female representation it seemed. The name Loren had been randomly generated. He went with it.

Clicking on the doll, Lawrence saw you could spend points to buy different features. He began to play.

Hair: blonde. Body-type: Princess. Makeup: Pink

Each selection changed the avatar making it more attractive and feminine looking. Lawrence found it strangely addictive. Strangely pleasing to shape and mould the avatar, to watch it getting prettier and prettier.

Make her bitchy. Make her mean.

He wasn't sure where the intrusive thought came from but it felt good. Yes... why not make the avatar look hot and mean. A bully... even worse than his daughter.

Yessss. Make her super popular... make her an IT girl.

He selected the toxic femininity personality trait and pushed the natural leader button. Loren was going to be an Alpha girl.

More... make her meaner. Make her a total nightmare. Make her completely evil.

The intrusive thoughts felt really good and Lawrence saw that there were other options besides physical. He began to play with those. He cranked the popularity slider to maximum. He selected Head Cheerleader. He selected the slider for wealth and pushed it as high as it would go.

Make sure she knows how to fuck. She has to be the best at everything. Make her a fucking dirty slut...

Lawrence didn't feel embarassed as he entered the sexuality tab. It seemed so natural now to adjust Loren and make her nastier.

Sexual Orientation: Likes boys but will make out with girls. Sexually confident - switch. Likes to be fucked by Alpha's, but peg and dominate beta boys.

He noticed he'd nearly spent all of his daughters points. She'd really been saving, but he'd had enough points that he could pretty much max out all of Loren's stats.

The avatar was now of a mean, bullying, rich brat. She was the Head Cheerleader and a completely cruel delinquent who got whatever she wanted. She oozed toxic femininity, was an avatar of lust and desire and clearly had no morals. Loren was the most evil bitch it was possible to be.

COMPLETE AVATAR AND TRANSFORM?

Lawrence stared at the big button flashing at the bottom of the app. What did that mean? His thumb hesitated over it. Something wasn't right here.

Push it loser. Push it and see.

Lawrence felt like something was influencing him. Something external... yet also something within himself. Something hungry and dark and desperate to be free. Something that had seen its chance and was going to take it.

He pushed the button...

Lawrence screamed in pleasure as pink lightning blasted out of the phone and engulfed him. Bones cracked and skin tightened as with a howl of orgasmic pleasure he began to transform.

Long blonde hair cascaded from his scalp and makeup simmered across his features as his drab clothing became hot and sexy. Breasts grew and his dick shrunk away and his ass inflated out.

Loren was becoming a reality.

Pussy lips opened as body hair receded and a hot blonde teenage slut rolled her pretty eyes in ecstasy. Nails shot out, thick makeup covered her face and the new bitch giggled in glee. This felt amazing.

"Ohhhhh fuckkkkk yesssss," she hissed as her transformation completed.

Loren blinked. She looked down at the phone in her hand. What... a.... rush.

She smirked and standing up walked to the mirror to admire her perfect body.

She was eighteen... she was popular and she was horny.

This was going to be a lot of fun...

The end?

[pallastrology]

🍄 astro notes 🍄

venus biquintile pluto is a really interesting aspect. the biquintile is usually associated with creativity and the development of artistic ability, and with venus being involved, there is even more potential and a genuine love for art. the native will find happiness and connection through their creative pursuits. with pluto on the other end of the aspect, something interesting happens. there can be a tendency towards obsession; they are more dedicated and more patient, with a strong work ethic and a desire to find meaning through their art, and it can bring them real catharsis. they may discover and nurture repressed parts of themselves through their art, and overall, there is a bit of a darker theme to this otherwise light and bright placement.

moon square pluto is often given a really negative spin online; i’ve seen everything from emotionally out of control to “will abuse their children”! this just isn’t a helpful way to interpret harsh aspects. my experience with this placement is that big emotions are very frightening, often because of the native’s early experiences. they seek to “control” their emotions, which can make them quite vulnerable to impulsive or addictive behaviours. they often have a deep relationship with mother figures, and with their children, which yes, at their worst, can become enmeshed and intense. but at their best, these relationships are intimate and founded on mutual trust, long lasting and able to weather the harshest storms.

venus-saturn aspects are all about delayed gratification. the native has to grow into their loving, creative, social side, and they usually have to "grow through what they go through"; depending on the aspect, they may just feel a little different, or have no interest in relationships, or they may grow up lonely or isolated, or deal with unhealthy relationships. they have to do a lot of self-work to develop self-love and nurture the soft, creative side of themselves, before they can really feel at home around other people. but when they reach that point, they can build beautiful, devoted and ultimately very healthy connections with others, that allow all involved to really thrive.

pluto conjunct ascendant natives have a really intense gaze. i think that usually we only think of the eyes when they think of the pluto stare, but to me it goes a lot further than that; especially with the conjunction, pluto-ascendant people look with their whole body. they have the intense eye contact, sure, but they tend to also have a hard mouth and slightly furrowed brow, a certain tension in their jaws and necks. they look like a cat about to pounce in a way, you can almost see that electrical energy under their skin.

in astrology, the sextile and trine are considered to be harmonious aspects; they denote an easy, well-blended connection between the two planets involved. the sextile is steadier, and more prone to stagnation, which can look like complacency or even entitlement; the trine is more dynamic, meaning in a way, it's easier to bring out the positives of the aspect.

lilith in the tenth house is a placement that is very vulnerable when it comes to social media. nowadays, it's so normalised to post everything that it's almost radical to stay away from it, and with lilith in the tenth house, it's easy to feel validated and vindicated through what they post. unfortuntely they are easy targets for online abuse and can actually feed into and "bait" this kind of harmful interaction when hurting and angry. lilith in the tenth house needs to learn to find healthy outlets and become more reflective, less reactive.

uranus conjunct ascendant natives are bright, almost electrified. they can be prone to sudden epiphanies that show up in strange moments; sitting bolt upright in the middle of the night with a sudden realisation, for example. they can be chaotic, but when given space to breathe, they are brilliant, both in that they are clever and reflective with the energy to pull off everything they think up, and that they seem to sparkle. there is a clarity to their voice, their eyes, like they glow from within.

venus square the north node natives really struggle with being uncomfortable. they tend to be somewhat sensitive, and are irresistibly drawn to the beautiful, the soft and smooth. they just want to be comfortable, but this can lead to the native avoiding or dropping anything uncomfortable. if they want to grow and feel fuller in themselves, they will have to learn to thrive in challenging situations, without going too far in the opposite direction and not being able to listen to their instincts or enjoy anything in life.

libra suns with mercury in scorpio are an interesting mix, because they have the reflective sensitivity of libra and the stark and often quite brutal language of scorpio. they are often quite gifted writers, with a talent for the existential and deeply emotional. they aren’t as talkative as you’d expect a libra sun to be, and they are generally more somber, but with a dry, dark sense of humour and a disarming straightforwardness to them.

[gassydumbjocks]

Extreme Fizz

As Tanner sat in his room working on his computer in some homework, he heard the front door slams, sighing at the thought of knowing who it was, seconds later his older brother, Jake, your typical and generic dumb jock with a sweaty tank top and shorts one could easy imagine, burst in with a mischievous grin on his face.

"Hey lil bro, I got something for you" Jake said, in his ussual deep voice tone, tossing a can of soda onto Tanner's desk.

Tanner looked up from his computer at him, then at the can, suspiciously "What is this?"

"It's a new soda brand I found at the store! you remember say you needed something to stay focused when you stayed till late doing your final semester proyect?, Thought it might help you with your nerd stuff" Jake replied putting the can closer to him.

Tanner raises an eyebrow, examinating the drink in his hands "Extreme Fizz? I certainly never heard of this brand before... but if it does what it claims, Thanks, Jake" He responded.

Jake just patted Tanner on the back. "No problem, lil bro, that's what brothers do! just remember who helped you to become even smarter" he mentioned letting out a dumb chuckle.

"Yeah right" Tanner said with a bit of sarcasm, finding funny what his airhead of a brother just said. Without thinking too much, he decided to open the can and took a big gulp of the fizzy drink "It if works and i get to finish this project sooner i'll owe you one, you big oaf" He said jokingly with a small laugh to Jake.

Almost immediately, a really strong and bubbly taste filled his taste buds , then he felt a strange sensation coursing through his body. A gurgle announced from his gut, causing him to suddenly let out a small burp, feeling a little embarrassed "BUuUrp!!...Gosh, Excuse me"

Jake chuckled again "Looks like it's working already, lil bro!, Keep chugging that stuff down, some gas is just normal"

Tanner hesitated for a moment and processed the situation, it was just rare how quickly it gave him gas, blaming it on probably how much he chugged at once, He continued to drink, Soon he could feel the fizz invading all his guts and stomach, his mind woking up and working at fast speed, He was in awe with the effects

But as Tanner continued to drink, he started to notice something else, his gut experimenting side effects too.

His stomach began to gurgle louder, then louder again, and felt a huge pressure building up inside him, before he lets out a fart that erupted from his ass.

"PPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRTTT!!!"

Sounding pretty bassy and loud for his usuals, his embarrasment increasing only more.

"What in the hell did that drink had to cause such amount of-UUUUURRRRP!!!-Gas!"

UUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRPP!!!!

He cried out to the jock, who seemed to enjoy this with a big smile.

"Just ignore that, bro It's a side effect of the soda, Keep drinking," Jake said, urging Tanner to keep consuming the gassy drink.

Tanner felt torture with this, but for some reason now he couldn't stop drinking, the flavor in each gulp just tasted better and better, till the nerd got addicted, He continued to chug the soda, even as he felt his body changing in ways he couldn't explain.

"What's happening to me?!" Tanner yelled terrified, seeing his new body in the mirror.

Jake gave another dumb giggle and grinned wickedly. "Looks like the soda is doing its job, lil bro, You'll become a real man, a jock, just like me, now why dont you belch a bit more? Jocks always love to burp to show off how manly they are" He requested.

As if he was in a kind of trance, he felt a growl in his stomach again "You wont hear me doin such-UUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRP!!" the gas slipped out of his mouth with ease, and the contaminated air seemed to affect his thougts too, not much later he found himself letting a deep and dumb laugh out, just like Jake.

Tanner continued drinking, savouring the liquid with exitement, unaware of his actions from now on, with his tongue out like a dog and eyes crossed that made him look like a fool, He felt the urge to let out some more gas trapped in, rubbing his belly, he simply lifted up a leg and proceeded to let loose.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRTTT!!!

BUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRPP!!

"BROO it was a comboo hahaha" He dumbly said before flexing with an arm and scratching an itch he had in his butt with the other hand.

The room filled with the manly simphony of his man gas, He could feel himself becoming more brute, gross, and dumb, losing his once cherised intelligence and devolving to have an IQ no higher than an ape.

Feeling his mind slipping away as he transformed into a mindless jock, Jake putted an arm around his neck patting his back "Ain't it feel better bro? Just relax and let the gas rip like the dumb jock you-UUUUUUUUURRRP!!-are" He said before letting out a bassy belch in Tanner's face and giggle like an idiot.

"Dude i feel full and bloated" Tanner complained, but then he simply made a signal of 'wait' with his finger, and lifted his leg.

PPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRTTTTT!!

Jake fanned the fart smirking "No more nerdy school projects for you, Now you can join me on the gym with me and the boys and show off your new muscles bro" He spanked his bro's meaty ass, walking out the room to work out together.

Leaving the now athlete boy's room, He was now nothing more than a burping, farting gross beast, just like Jake, ready to let a big one rip like a real man should, and have a good time with his bro.

[thediaryofaurora]

It’s ok if you can’t but I would love for the next headcanons for creepypasta character could you do X-Virus.

General HCs

X-Virus/Cody Anderson

Sorry this one is sooooo long. I have so much to say about this nerd.

- Seventeen! Barely older than Toby.

- Roughly 6’0, maybe a little over. He isn’t very toned, since he really just sits in the lab all day.

- White with mostly Welsh heritage.

- He was in foster case from about seven to thirteen. His mom was neglectful and a drug addict so child services inevitably took him away. He was adopted by a pathologist who created and spread chronic diseases that only he knew how to treat, which he profited from since he was the only person who knew how to cure them.

- His foster father had used Cody as an assistant and made sure he knew his way around the lab. They would often test the diseases on animals first and see if the cure worked just enough so that people would continuously come back for medication rather than completely healing. At around fifteen Cody was trusted to be in the lab alone, so he would take the time to test more fatal things on the test subjects. A few years later when he was about seventeen, he was a little too desensitized to fatal infections and death. He thought seeing how animals reacted to his creations weren’t enough to prove the data he wanted.

- With that, he went into one of his lonesome neighbor’s homes in the dead of night and tested one of his viruses on him. He had planned to return home and brush it off, but Slender thought he was too valuable to let him go.

- This dude is a GENIUS, and a massive nerd. Most of the residents overlook it since he’s just a dumb teenager who works in the infirmary, but he’s extremely intelligent. He spends all of his days studying and analyzing data, so it’s kind of a given.

- Mainly gets along with Toby, EJ, and surprisingly Helen.

- Since him and Toby are extremely close in age, they naturally hovered to each other when they first met. They aren’t necessarily similar, but they do have a brotherly connection.

- Him and EJ work together in the infirmary/ lab, so they have to communicate and at least slightly get along. Jack almost sees him as an annoying little sibling, but it’s a nice presence. Cody really looks up to him and that means a lot.

- Helen stops by on occasion to talk to Jack and over time he started talking to Cody. They’re strangely compatible given their age difference and personalities, but Helen’s a listener and Cody can’t help but ramble. Helen does botany in his free time, so he’ll bring by plants for him to study or incorporate into his excitements. Cody always makes sure to track Helen down and give him all the results and notes he took of whatever plant he had brought.

- Germaphobe. His hands are DRY from over washing and using so much hand sanitizer.

- He has a bunch of rodents and other test animals for his experiments. He’s made sure to tell Nina if she ever doesn’t want her guinea pigs anymore he’d be glad to take them.

- Strangely smells like a dentist’s office. With all the chemicals, hand sanitizer, and air fresheners in the lab he’s bound to.

- Allergic to dogs, and cats, and everything ever.

- He’s a pretty big recluse. A perfect day in his eyes is sitting alone in the lab and testing a bunch of random shit, which sounds pretty boring to anyone he tells that to.

- Cyber punk enthusiast to the absolute core. You can’t look at him and think otherwise.

- He rarely goes on missions. Usually he’s stationed in the lab to either cover for EJ or do whatever the hell he wants. In the occasion that he does get sent out, him and Jack make a great pair. Since EJ can sense pretty much anything and everything, all Cody needs is the go ahead to take the kill.

- Straight, but he doesn’t really think about intimate relationships very often. If he’s watching a movie with romance in it he might think on it for a little, but he prioritizes his work over anything. If he had to date someone in the mansion, it would probably be Nina. She’s as hyper as him and doesn’t know anything about science, so she gladly listens to whatever he’s working on. However, in realistic terms he wouldn’t date her.

- He likes musicals, I specifically mention this because Repo! The Genetic Opera reminds me of him and he would absolutely love that movie.

- Listens to a surprising amount of goth music. He thinks it’s the only music that makes him feel more productive, so he puts in his wired headphones and works while listening to it. Massive Siouxsie and the Banshees fan.

- His room is PRISTINE. Absolutely no decorations, just scattered files and white bedding. Since he’s such a germaphobe he tries to keep his room as clean as possible, even if he’s not in it very much. He thrives on energy drinks and the most sleep he gets is a nap, usually in the lab with his head down on his desk.

- HORRIBLE handwriting, definitely adds up with him being somewhat of a doctor. Pretty much only him and Helen can (almost) decipher it.

- He gets soooo giddy when referred to as Dr. Anderson. It doesn’t happen very often, but when it does he’s ecstatic, especially because that’s what his foster father went by.

- Wears a lab coat and goggles on the regular. It’s not always necessary, but he feels so accomplished when he does. Occasionally wears scrubs.

- He’s been one of my favorites for like five years.

Thank you for reading! Feedback and requests are welcome.

✧✬✧✬✧✬✧✬✧✬✧✬✧

[cupiddivinearrow]

What Should You Focus on in the Year of the Dragon?

According to Chinese Astrology, 2024 is the Year of the 🐉 Dragon 🐉!!! Meaning, this year is all about growth and development. This year is all about focusing on what will bring you happiness! What will bring you closer to your dreams. So, with that said…

Close your eyes and take a breath. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Keep doing this until all the tension leaves your body. Then, ask yourself the question of what you should focus on this year. Once you feel ready, open your eyes and allow yourself to be pulled to your card by your energy (it’s the one that you can’t stop going towards or looking at).

Pile 1

PILE 1

Your Card

Wisdom

Key Identifiers:

• Blue, White, and Gold may hold a significance

• Intuitive, Spiritually Awareness

• Purity, Innocence, Peace

• Communication

• Happiness after some difficulties

• Balance

• Harmony

• Possibly a LP 2

• Sagittarius, Libra, & Virgo Energies

If you’re feeling drawn to 2, you might want to give that a look-see too 😅🥰

May see the numbers: 222 and 444 a lot

This group may be the High Priestesses of this reading. You may focus on the future a lot, or read tarot cards or get help through tarot readings often.

I kind of get the feeling that this pile is having a lot of things come to light from the past, which is bringing you closer to peace and harmony, if you’re not in that energy yet.

I’m getting that maybe this group will be focusing on learning to look deeper within to figure out solutions to difficult situations or concerns that may look strange or confusing at first.

Pile 1, maybe you should consider taking some time out for self. So you can learn yourself better and get a healthier mindset to tackle any issues that come your way. You can’t close your eyes to the things you don’t want to deal with from your past, it’d only cause more confusion and delays for you in the long run. It’s time to figure out who and what you want and put forth the effort to change what you didn’t like from the past.

🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉

PILE 2

PILE 2

Your Card

Adversity

Key Identifiers:

• Material possessions, Earthly things

• Grounding

• Confusion

• Communication

• Masculine Energy

• Healing

• Secrets/ Lies coming to Light

• Possibly a LP 7

• Growth

• Water signs (esp. Cancer), Capricorn, Virgo energy

• Moving On, Change

• Colors of Significance: Green and Blue, Brown

• Healers, Teachers, & Spiritual Gurus

Pile 2, y’all are giving me… Chariot energy. Have y’all been feeling confused about life or about a certain situation, people, place, or thing? Are you feeling an urgent pull to move forwards on your journey but may be having some fears or anxiety?

Y’all may be going through a lot of changes this year. Things may come to light (secrets and/or lies) and you may feel the need to cut some people off this year. I feel that your ultimate goal this year would be growing and find balance within one’s life.

This pile may be focusing on security this year and on healing from addictions or unhealthy past ways or people that block us from opening oneself up to new experiences and connections. This pile will be focusing on cutting off things and people that do not serve you, and/or maybe some of you have already started this process. If so, congratulations. You’re already doing what you need to do to move forward in life. Keep it up!

Also, one last tidbit, I feel like y’all will be working on healing the heart chakra and abundance. This pile may have some money coming in. So stay focused and keep growing!

🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉

PILE 3

PILE 3

Your Card

The Firmament

Key Identifiers:

• Colors of Significance: Blue, Purple, Black, & White

• Purity, Innocence, Truth, Clarity

• Communication

• Intuitive, Enlightened

• Epiphanies, Sudden Realizations; etc

• Recognition, Star Energy

• Aquarius, Uranus, Scorpio, Moon energy

• Creative

• Manifesting

• Impulsiveness/ Eager

• Strong faith/ Spirituality

May be seeing 9s (999) and 3s (333)

Pile 3, the energy for this pile!!! I’m loving it! This pile is giving me Star energy, which is also Aquarius energy. This pile is full of hope and faith. I feel that y’all are pretty balanced in your spirituality and the materialistic world. Or at least, that’s what you’re gonna be focusing on this year.

I can see that maybe some of you in this pile may have had a hard time getting motivated or staying inspired. Maybe some of you were frustrated in the past, and it caused you to feel stagnant or creatively blocked? Well, this year, that’s gonna change.

This pile will be focusing on expanding their mindset to a more hopeful one. You will be coming to the realization that “The World Is Your Oyster.” You can do whatever you put your mind to. You may feel or see that you have many opportunities available to you or coming to you. The goal for this pile is to work on staying hopeful while finding and keeping the balance between the spiritual and material world. Pile 3, you will be setting yourself free of limiting mindsets so you can truly be free. And who knows, maybe keeping the hope/faith will help manifest a wish that you’ve been looking forward to.

🕊️ Blessings 🕊️

Discord Server:

🕊️🥰 I offer tarot/ oracle/ fortune telling readings and reiki healings, aura cleansing, and energy shields for those that are interested 🥰 I hope to be able to offer more than just those services soon, such as rune readings, planetary seals, herbs, rituals, etc. Bless! 🫶🏽🕊️

Shop Website coming soon 🥰

[icyg4l]

PAC: How has being openly queer changed your life for the better?

Hello beautiful people! Happy Friday and Happy Pride Month! As part of this month’s Pride Month series, I am going to continue on with the topic with this new PAC. I don’t want to waste too much time so please select your pile. 🙏🏽

Top Left-to-Bottom Right: (1-4)

pile one: i feel like you may be transgender or went through a massive glow up as you came into your identity. being openly queer has allowed you to acquire more knowledge through life. life’s experiences have beaten you down but you used those experiences to your advantage. you became older, wiser, more poised. your chart could be saturn ruled (capricorn/aquarius/heavily aspected by saturn). the scars of yesterday strengthen you. i feel like people compliment your physique a lot. it’s taken you a lot to feel comfortable with that. and lastly, being openly queer has welcomed you into some strange/taboo places where you feel open! you could go to anime conventions or underground clubs a lot because of this. you did not lose anything, pile one. you only gained more life experience.

cards used: king of swords, five of cups, six of wands, the moon, three of cups, three of swords, six of cups, king of pentacles.

pile two: i am channeling the energy of damon from pose. you could be a dancer or just have the energy that makes people feel loose. i don’t think you could ever turn your queerness off. people could always point that out in you. this made you a target but that never stopped you from being you. you make people feel inspired. you would be really good at being a mentor for the queer youth. you have this unshakable confidence that could make you do anything. you also have the gift of gab. i am channeling the energy of rolling ray lmaoooo. the things that you’ve gone through have made you take life so unserious. it’s the constant celebration of life that makes your queerness so unique.

cards used: judgment, six of wands, king of wands, seven of pentacles, page of cups, the hierophant, three of cups.

pile three: you exude this devil-may-care energy that is so addictive. it’s so sexy! you literally don’t care! this has made you take pride in your identity. it comes off as annoyingly rebellious to some folks but your people know that’s really you. everyone is not used to your energy. it’s blunt and it’s rich. it reminds me of rihanna and elektra evangelista. your queer identity is intimidating to some people. but you take ownership of it & carry it so well. this is why so many people have a crush on you. i feel like i’m talking to a lesbian but if not you could just present ultra-feminine. you know exactly how to spice up the family dinners and you give off a motherly energy. you use it wisely though because everyone can’t have access to you.

cards used: ace of pentacles, ace of swords, queen of cups, queen of pentacles, eight of cups, the devil, six of pentacles, nine of cups, the emperor.

pile four: you have this introspective nature that makes people think. you remind me of a james baldwin kind of person. your thoughts regarding queer theory and queer rights need to be shared with the world. being openly queer has quite literally taught you. you are living the practice out. it may have taken you some time to come into your current identity. but once you came out, you had this come to jesus moment as many others do. being openly queer has taught you about how to love yourself and others properly, the importance of compassion and leadership. you could be an active leader in your community. if not, you need to be! your voice deserves to be heard without a doubt. you could be the voice of reason, pile four.

cards used: two of cups, eight of cups, king of cups, the emperor, the sun, the magician, page of cups, the hierophant, wheel of fortune.

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Dreaming and Drowning

This fic will fill my "Take a deep breath." square on my Hurt/Comfort, Sweet & Spicy Bingo card. The prompt will be bolded in the fic. @sweetspicybingo

Summary: Michael is fascinated by Y/N. She isn't the only thing keeping him inside his vessel, but she's a very interesting bonus. Now if only he can keep Dean quiet for long enough to conduct some experiments.

Warnings/Explicit 18+: Nothing too terrible. Show level violence. Some descriptions of torture. Threatened/implied sexual assault/non-con (nothing shown or described). Depictions of drowning.

Pairings: Michael!Dean x Y/N and Dean Winchester x Y/N

Word Count: 2,579

A/N: I'm trying to work my way through my requests but I'm still back in last December! 😫 I'm sorry to everyone who's put in requests, I'm working on 'em!

Anyway, this request was for a "fatal attraction" Bingo square for a different bingo. It was from the lovely @elle14-blog1 who asked:

Hello Dear Been addicted to your page lately Love the Dean fics So about the Fatal Attraction request Maybe could you write soft dark fatal attraction of Michael Dean towards Dean’s Gf..one of the more reason he doesn’t wanna leave the vessel… Ok bye bye Xoxo💖

That space for that bingo was claimed already. But I really enjoyed this idea, so I said I'd do it another time. Well, here it is. I'm not sure if it's what you were looking for, I hope so. Hope everyone enjoys. This is the first time I've written anything for Michael!Dean, so be nice. 😁

Dean Winchester Master List || Main Master List || Tag Lists

Every once in a while Dean swam to the surface; he broke through heavy, cloying water to suck oxygen into his starving, burning lungs.

But the water was choppy and rushing, the current swept him along at a feverish pace and he could never swim hard enough or fast enough to outrun it; inevitably the cold, gray water would submerge him again and leave him drowning.

But in those few moments of clarity, he’d see her. He’d see the way she was bound, he’d watch the way his hands pulled screams from her lungs. As the water rushed around his ears, it couldn’t drown out the way her voice begged him to stop.

Not me, he reminded himself.

It wasn’t him. This was Michael’s doing. Michael was hurting her.

And who let me in? His own voice would answer back, before shoving him back down under the water with a sneering laugh. 

We both know she’s here because of you, because she wanted to save you from me. So sweet. But who’s going to save HER from me.

Oops, I mean save her from you.

***

Michael watched Y/N struggle, a soft smile on his borrowed countenance; she really was rather extraordinary, this particular little ape. He’d tortured her slowly, nothing too drastic to start, he didn’t want to permanently alter her, not yet.

He was very interested in her, interested in the noises she made when she tried not to scream, in the way he could feel the air shift almost imperceptibly when she held her breath against the pain. He loved to watch the way involuntary goosebumps erupted across her skin when he ran a finger over it. 

How strange, he thought, to not be able to control something as basic as the texture of your skin.

The human body was rather fascinating, hers even more than most. She was so soft in places, her skin bruised so easily, sometimes nothing more than a hard pinch brought a pretty purple stain to her skin. Harder blows bloomed blue and green almost immediately. Her blood ran dark red and tasted coppery with a hint of something more tangy just below the surface.

Is that the difference of her psychic blood? He wondered.

It was why he’d taken her to begin with. He’d been experimenting with all kinds of monsters, and they were finally starting to pay off, but he’d never tried mixing his grace with a psychic, he thought the results might be very interesting. So when a memory had surfaced in Dean Winchester’s brain about his psychic girlfriend, he’d decided to let her find him.

She and Sam Winchester had been searching far and wide for him, for Dean. He could have easily outrun them forever. But he decided to stay put for a moment and let her catch up. All he’d had to do to lure her in was let the ghost of Dean shine through his eyes for a moment and she came running, desperate to help.

And just like that, she was trapped in his web. 

He’d spent the first few days just getting to know her, testing her body’s capabilities and limits; how much could she bleed before she became too weak to stand on her own? How long could she hold back screams when he started cutting? How much force did it take to snap her radius, her femur?

He was thoroughly enjoying his experiments with her, simply healing her up after each one so that he could try his next idea. He’d begun to see what Dean saw in her, there was something quite beautiful in the way the ape struggled against the inevitable, the way she fought against him, knowing her efforts were completely useless. He liked the defiance in her eyes, it made his human body react in interesting ways.

Her pain and her resistance made his pilfered blood run hot and thick in his veins, made his body hard, made him run his hands up and down her body with no other purpose than to feel its softness. 

On his fourth day with her he had her stripped her down to her underthings, intending to burn her with the tip of a poker, curious to see what color her skin turned as it flaked off. He knew he was wasting time really. He’d experimented with her enough, he should be feeding her his grace to see what kind of hybrid monster he could make of the psychic.

But when he saw her in her bra and panties, memories that weren’t his surfaced in his mind, Dean’s memories of how she looked when she was beneath him, the way her head jerked back as she gasped with pleasure, the way her knuckles went white, bunched in the sheets, her body bucking into Dean’s hand, and suddenly he knew how he wanted to finish off his experimentation.

He’d never experimented like this before, none of the human bodies he’d encountered in the past had affected him this way. He wasn’t sure if it was some kind of pull from her psychic blood, or the memories he had access to, or if it was simply the enjoyment he’d already gotten from this flesh, but for the first time he felt an earthly need for the body in front of him. 

As he approached her, he saw panic in her gaze and wondered if her psychic abilities had allowed her to see what was coming. But as he registered her panic, he suddenly felt Dean back above water and screaming, roaring inside their mind.

Get the fuck away from her! I will rip you apart from the inside! 

Michael chuckled. Come on now, Dean. I know exactly how much you enjoy this body, I’m doing this as much for you as for me.

Michael lifted his hand to run his finger down Y/N’s cheek. She recoiled and he grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him. He did his best impression of Dean, smiling and hoping it looked friendly and not feral. 

“Don’t look away, sweetheart. It’s me. I know you love me, I know you want me. Let me make you feel better.”

He watched her face in fascination; her expressions ran the gamut between horrified, heartbroken, and lustful. But he could practically smell her hope, her need; she was absolutely desperate to pretend the man she loved was there and her tormentor was gone.

Humans really are odd little things. Michael thought.

Dean was still screaming, and then garbling his words beneath the ocean Michael drowned him in. Enough out of you, he thought with a smirk.

Maybe it was the cold smirk that did it, breaking the illusion that he was Dean, or maybe it was Y/N’s abject terror at the idea of what was about to happen. But the very last of her defiance seemed to pulse through her and something in her shifted. He could feel it in the way the hairs on his arms stood up, the way a deep, thrumming buzz began to sound inside his ears.

Y/N’s body began to pulse as well, like waves of energy gearing up. He raised a hand, his eyes glowing blue as he shot his grace towards her. The first beam hit her and stopped her, but she was soon powering up again, and when his grace surged at her a second time, she knocked it away with one of the hands she got free, snapping the chains that held her to the wall.

He pushed grace towards her again, but she wrapped herself in a psychic shield and broke her remaining chains. As he continued to fight, continued to pour grace out of himself and wield it like a sword, he felt Dean surface again. In his mind’s eye he could see him gasping and fighting for the shoreline. Michael tried to force him back under water, but he was using too much of his strength to keep Y/N back. 

And Dean was fighting incredibly hard. 

It was a two-pronged attack, from the inside and outside, and it was not something he’d been expecting. Y/N moved slowly, wrapped in her bubble, towards the bag she’d been traveling with when he caught her. As she reached the backpack, he managed to penetrate the bubble and sent her flying backwards.

Before he could press his advantage, however, Y/N was on her feet again and sending a pulse wave of energy into him, making him stumble backwards. She grabbed the bag quickly and from inside she pulled out a gold, metal, egg-shaped object. He could feel Dean leaving the water as Y/N began to chant in Enochian.

Before she was more than two words in, however, the impossible happened and Michael could feel Dean scream at him.

“Get out!”

His words were powerful enough to defeat Michael in his slightly weakened condition, and the archangel could feel his essence begin to be expelled from the body he’d resided in for almost two months. As he was forced out, he felt another call, another pull, and he looked on in horror as he was inexorably yanked out of Dean’s body right into the tiny space of the egg. 

The egg was tiny, but Michael fell for days, down and down and down, until he landed on a dark, rocky, moldy floor.

He looked around him and sitting across the floor was a human, glowing with the angel inside him. The angel looked very familiar.

The celestial who shared his name chuckled at the strange turn of events. “Welcome to the cage, doppelganger.”

***

Dean felt weak as he fell to the ground, as though he’d been running for days, weeks. No, not running, swimming, fighting against the current.

His muscles were shaking and he felt as though he might puke. Then he saw Y/N curled in a ball on the dirty floor of the cold, abandoned warehouse they were in and he rushed to her. He pulled off the suit jacket he wore and helped her sit up so he could wrap it around her shoulders.

“Y/N? Sweetheart?” He said quietly as she shook beneath his hands. 

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes; but under the tears was fear, stark terror, and suspicion.

“Dean?” She asked in a whisper, and he knew she still couldn’t trust that it was him. It hurt his heart to see the fear there; would she always see the sadistic angel looking back at her from now on?

He let go of her and moved away a bit to try and ease her worry. “It’s me, baby, it’s me. I promise. You got Michael, trapped him in that.” He nodded towards the egg. “He’s in the cage.”

Y/N stared at him, but then she shook her head slightly. “No, I didn’t get the spell out, you were already forcing him out. The egg just grabbed him as he was fleeing.” A small smile touched the corners of her lips. “You did it.”

Dean risked coming a bit closer again, reaching out a palm to lay against her cheek, rejoicing when she leaned into his touch. 

He leaned towards her and rested his forehead against hers. “No, we did it. We make a good team.”

A broken cry fell from her mouth as she threw her arms around his neck. He wrapped her tightly in his embrace.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I tried to get out, I tried to get to you, but I couldn’t. I tried and tried, but-”

Y/N cut him off with a kiss. Dean wept into it and didn’t even try to hide it. She tasted his salty tears and pulled back cupping his cheeks in her hands and shaking her head.

“No Dean, please don’t. Don’t put this on you, don’t punish yourself.”

Dean’s jaw clenched. “Yeah, why not? I let him in.”

Y/N brushed away his tears. “Yeah, to save Sam and Jack.” Dean opened his mouth to interrupt her again, but she continued quickly. “And if you punish yourself, you’ll hurt me too.”

Dean looked at her intently and she shook her head slowly. “We’re both safe now. We beat him. Together.”  She inhaled deeply. “Look, take a deep breath. Go on.” She encouraged when he didn’t do it immediately. 

He began to breathe in sync with her, timing his breathing with hers, but visions kept popping into his mind, the things Michael did to her using his hands, and he knew he hadn’t even seen everything; he knew there were things he couldn’t remember from when he'd been deeply submerged.

His breathing faltered and Y/N sighed. “I don’t remember all of it either.” She said; her psychic abilities were incredibly powerful, but he knew she wasn’t reading his mind - she just knew him too well, knew the way his mind worked, even from outside of it.

She cupped his cheeks again so he was looking into her eyes. “Can I show you where I was hiding a lot of the time?”

Dean nodded and she rested her forehead on his; he closed his eyes and let her in. 

There was suddenly a picture in his mind, like a memory, but he knew it wasn’t his. In truth, it wasn’t really a memory but a vision. In the vision he could see the two of them in an old hunter’s cabin; he remembered staying there once, years ago. But they’d simply holed up there for a night after a hunt.

The visions going through his mind had never happened. They were simply Y/N’s imaginings, the place she went in her mind to escape Michael’s torment.

In the vision Y/N and Dean cuddled together in the old bed and he was kissing her tenderly; they were having a food fight in the kitchen which she let him win so that he could lick frosting from her skin; Dean was reading to her and making her laugh by doing silly voices; they were eating pizza and talking animatedly about a hunt.

Then the visions shifted to a Christmas setting and they were sitting beside a big Christmas tree and he had the sense of being surrounded by family and loved ones, all laughing, happy and joyful, just beyond his eyeline.

In the span of a breath, he was suddenly back on the warehouse floor as Y/N broke the connection and pulled back. “I was only here sometimes, I ran away from him, as much as possible, ran far into my mind. And every single safe place in my mind revolved around you.”

He shuddered as she ran her hand soothingly through his hair. His voice was raspy with unshed tears. “I love you - so much.”

She finally let her tears flow free as she kissed him again. “I love you too.”

They clung to each other for a long time, finding their way back to one another and back to the sense of belonging they found in the other’s arms.

Finally Dean pushed himself to his feet and pulled Y/N with him. “Let’s get out of here and find Sam.” Y/N nodded, but before she could turn to get her bag, he pulled her to him for another kiss. 

When he pulled back, his green eyes were shining. “And it’s Christmas in a week. Let’s find that cabin, let’s invite everyone we know, and let’s make that dream a reality. Let’s not wait anymore to be happy.”

Y/N smiled widely and nodded, tears shimmering. “That sounds like a dream.”

Jensen RPF and Any/All Characters: @lyarr24 @lacilou @deans-spinster-witch @globetrotter28 @suckitands33 @alwaystiredandconfused @evznackles @jackles010378 @impala67rollingthroughtown @krazykelly @candy-coated-misery0731 @envyaurora95 @spnwoman @deans-baby-momma @luvr4miya @arcannaa @viviwatchestv @winharry

Dean Fics Only: @roonthelittlespoon920 @slamminmine @zepskies @safiyas-world @aylacavebear

Any/All Fics Regardless of Character or Fandom: @kazsrm67 @slut-for-evans-stan @sexyvixen7 @nancymcl @hobby27 @waywardcheshire

Everything Incl. Fan Edits: @k-slla @leigh70 @eevvvaa @kickingitwithkirk @foxyjwls007 @notinthislife50 @roseblue373 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @avanatural @mrsjenniferwinchester @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @deangirl96 @stoneyggirl2

[xxsabitoxx]

Promise Me

Giyu x Reader

Warning: this story contains angst

A/N: I said I was writing a Giyu angst…so here it is. I put the idea aside to finish my Kishibe fic and well… I wrote this in under an hour, I’m very tired and it isn’t proof read lol so if it’s shit… don’t tell me <3

Word Count: 2k

Sat on top of a grassy hill, light just barely filtering through to the ground, warm air cradling you in its embrace. You felt normal, for once in your life, you could finally rest without worry. “Strange… isn't it?” It was a quiet comment, as if your voice would shatter the illusion…even though it wasn’t an illusion to begin with. “Very much.” His voice was just as warm as the air surrounding you, so different than the one you were used to.

There was no reason for him to hide his emotions behind a sheet of thick ice, ice not even the toughest of picks had been able to break through. Mostly because they were never meant to, that ice was the kind only the sun itself could melt away. That was exactly what it did, removing every inch of the barrier he had built up over the first twenty one years of his life. “It almost feels like I’m dreaming.”

You watched the field below you, long grass swaying in the breeze. It looked inviting, like you could run through it for miles and never get tired. “Yeah… almost as if it’s too good to be true.” Giyu smiled softly, head tilting back to admire the brilliant hues of the setting sun. Painting the sky in an array of pinks and golds. Night was slowly creeping up on the two of you, yet it held no dread.

You no longer feared the setting sun, you welcomed the moon’s gentle embrace. There was nothing lurking within the shadows any longer, you’d forever be free from their grasp. “Me too, if this is a dream I hope it never ends.” You laughed softly, head tilting to admire the man beside you. Battered and bruised with so much left behind, so much that would never come back, you both emerged from the other side victorious.

“This just may be the longest dream I’ve ever experienced.” Your heart skipped, ever so slightly, as a smile crept up his face again. You weren’t used to it, you weren’t used to the warmth it radiated nor the brilliance it held when he smiled without restraint. The way his nose would scrunch softly, the way the corner of his eyes would crinkle. It only took an hour before you found yourself addicted to the look of it. “I rather like it here.” His gaze moved to meet yours.

For a moment, it felt as if time had stopped, as if the world stopped spinning on its axis for just that brief second. You couldn’t quite get over the man beside you, the man you now called your own. “Me too.” A gentle whisper, just as gentle as the breeze that carried it away from you. Everything about your life within the last two months was nothing short of new. A new beginning of sorts.

With that new beginning came new experiences. You’d never known a love like the one you shared now. It was delicate and young, you both had quite a lot to bear, to figure out. But this? It came naturally, no longer any barriers to keep you apart. There was no longer a reason to deny what was clearly there. Every day was a new opportunity, a new day to discover more about the other. Now, you couldn’t imagine your life without him.

You broke your gaze from his, a smile still present on your lips as you scooted closer to him, head coming to rest on his shoulder. “We should travel more, find every beautiful place we can.” Your fingers tangled in his, squeezing gently. “I’d like that. There is a whole world out there waiting for us. Now that we have the time to actually explore it.” His cheek pressed to the top of your head, eyes locked on the way your fingers intertwined with his.

“We could go anywhere we want. Take a boat across the ocean and discover what lies beyond it. Then, when we’re satisfied, once we’ve seen everything we could ever imagine, we return here.” You smiled, cheek squished to his shoulder. “We’d always have a home, so long as we’re together.” He teased softly, yet there was a weight to his words. “Tell me, Giyu…” you started softly, not wanting to pull away from him.

Yet you ached to see his face when you asked this question. “Yes? What is it?” His grip on your fingers tightened slightly, as if one gust of wind would pull you from him. “Are we going to spend the rest of our lives together? Just me and you?” You expected some sort of hesitation, some sort of silence that told you he was thinking about his answer. Instead, he replied without a second of hesitation. “If you’ll let me, I don’t ever intend on leaving your side.”

You pulled away, head lifting from his shoulder to look at him. “I’d never ask you to leave.” It was raw, maybe more serious than you intended for it to come out. Perhaps you only realized that because of the look in his eyes, blue eyes that held such surprise, such love. For a moment you found it hard to keep that gaze, as if the weight of his adoration would suffocate you if you tried to bear it all at once. “Good. Because you’d have a hell of a time keeping me away.”

A smile broke onto your face, one as brilliant as the setting sun behind you. One that made him pause for a moment, engraving each and every centimeter of your face into his memory. He never wanted to stop seeing the smile, he wanted to continue to be the reason you smiled in such a way. It was more intimate than any act of physical love in his book. A smile that was meant for him and him alone.

“I love you.” Slipped past his lips before he could pull it back, three words having a mind of their own as they tumbled helplessly out for you to hear. But maybe it was the words you uttered back that held more gravity, six words that pulled his heart in a million directions before snapping back into a whole. The kind of response he could only dream of getting, the response he didn’t quite feel he was deserving of. But that was something to be worked on.

“I know… I love you, too.”

You’d been aching to say it, quickly losing track of the amount of times where you nearly did. These were things that couldn’t be rushed. Now, you had all the time in the world to feel things out, cherish each moment and do things when the time felt right and not because the chance could get pulled out from under you. Now, though, saying ‘I love you’ now has never felt more right.

You shared a kiss, not your first, but one to remember. You’d engraved every bit of it to your memory. The way his lips felt against your own, soft and warm. The way he tasted, sweet like the honey from the pastry you had shared. The warmth between your bodies, the comfort of the other's presence. The sun fading to your backs, the sky lighting up with one last display of its brilliance before entering its slumber. Every moment of it was something to remember, hold on to and cherish.

Four years have passed since that day. Now, you sat on that very hill again. This time, you were alone. There was no longer a warmth cradling you in its embrace. The grass had long since died, the sky no longer held the brilliance it once did. It was cold, colder than sitting in the snow in the middle of winter with no layers.

Loneliness had never felt so crushing. As if the weight of it would drag you straight through the dirt below you and swallow you whole. Part of you wished it would. “You said I’d have one hell of a time keeping you away.” You laughed without any humor behind it, drawing your knees to your chest, the bark of the tree digging into your back. “You’re such a liar.”

You looked down, the stone was etched beautifully in perfect writing. His name front and center along with his dates. For some reason, it sent bubbling anger straight to your gut. Not anger at him, no you could never hold anything against him. It was physically impossible for you to ever feel badly towards him. No, this anger was directed at everything out of your control.

Just before his twenty-fifth birthday, he’d fallen ill. The kind of ill that you knew deep down you couldn’t come back from, the kind of sickness that pulled life out of you day by day…hour by hour. The kind of sickness that you could do nothing to treat, only try your hardest to make it comfortable. You had spent each and every day by his side, every waking moment holding his hand.

Remembering your travels, laughing about the adventures the two of you had shared. You’d meant every word that you said that day, you’d wanted to see the world. And Giyu did everything in his power to give that to you. You’d traveled to every beautiful place imaginable, even sailed across the ocean to discover the very lands you’d only ever dreamed of. He’d given you the entire world.

“I love you.” Just as gently as you had that day. Just as gently as you had whispered while he took his final breath. Just as gently as you spoke it every day you sat beside him on this hill. Your hand ached for the weight of his, fingers crying for the warmth of his tangled in your own. Crying to forget the coldness they had felt once he was gone, the warmth you’d never get back.

Thinking back on that day, you wish you had stared at him just a little longer, memorized the shade of blue that filled his irises. You wished you’d memorized the tone of his voice, the way his hair felt against your fingers, the soft blush of his skin. Even if you were granted all the time the world had to offer you, it would never be enough. There was no amount of time that would allow you to memorize him.

It was almost laughable, that three months without him felt longer than the four years you’d spent with him. Eventually you’d come to face the reality of your anger, that it wasn’t anger at all. The feelings you harbored were love, love in its purest form. In the end, that’s what grief really was. Love that you’d never be able to put forth, the kind that would forever hang on your shoulders and weigh you down. Always reminding you that it had nowhere to go.

“You’ll wait for me, won’t you? I promise I won’t be much longer.” Your eyes closed, inhaling the cool air through your nose. “It’s only a matter of time, it’ll catch up to me. My twenty-fifth is only a few months away. You’ll wait for me, right?” Your chest felt empty with each breath you took, nothing but an ache reminded you that you were still alive. It was infuriating to you, yet you couldn’t decipher why. Your mind is far too jumbled but unbearably silent at the same time.

“We can travel the world again. I’m not sure what lies beyond this, but I’m sure it’s far prettier than anything we ever saw. Maybe we can get married this time, when we’ll really have all the time in the world. We can enjoy each other with no time limit, for real this time. Giyu, promise me you’ll wait.” You knew no one was listening but that would never stop you from talking. When your death caught up to you, you’d die alone. But that didn’t scare you.

Not in the slightest. Because you knew he’d be there waiting, just as patiently as you had pleaded with him each time you sat beside his grave. Just as you had asked him, just as he promised you before his eyes shut, never to open again. Death was a warm hug, just as warm as the breeze had been that day. Just as warm as his hand had been intertwined with your own.

[bbyquokka]

Hi this is my first time requesting to you so hello! (I’ll send a non-anon ask to you so you can see my profile and age💜)

I was thinking about cockwarming with Hyunjin and it being pure comfort and fluff. I notice in fics that cockwarming always leads to sex but I just want to experience it as is.

Just Hyunjin and the reader being very close with each other cuddling in bed after the she has a bad day at university. He seems like the romantic type who would cherish these types of intimate and vulnerable moments where they can feel safe together. He’d even give her his jiniret plush just to make her smile

warmth

FLUFF/SUGGESTIVE THEMES BELOW CUT – MINORS, AGELESS & DEFAULT BLOGS; DNI

warning: fem bodied reader, uni au, established relationship, pet names, cock warming, reader feels insecure, fluff and comfort, semi proof read. words: 0.7k ~ (724)

dont repost. dont translate. feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated!

“hey darling. how did–oof!” hyunjin groans before laughing softly as you straddle his lap, forehead resting on his shoulder. he wraps his arms around your tired body gently, stroking your back. “rough lecture?”

“yeah.” you mumble against the material of his t-shirt. “i swear this professor hates me.”

“i doubt that darling.” hyunjin laughs softly.

“want cuddles.”

“here or?” you lift your head up and pout, eyes flickering below his waist. “ahhh, ok darling.”

hyunjin picks you up gently and walks to the shared bedroom. he gently places you down on the bed to strip, watching you do the same before getting under the duvet.

hyunjin slides in behind you, lips pressing gently kisses along the back of your neck. his fingers trailing along your sides, feather like touches that drive you insane.

“hyun..” you whimper impatiently. “please.”

“ok ok darling.” he laughs softly before slowly pushing his penis inside you. you both let out soft whimpers and groans, the feeling of being filled and stretched providing you with a strange sense of comfort.

his length is fully inserted, touching untouched territory. your warmth slowly drives hyunjin insane due to the fact that he is addicted to your warmth and how you feel. he presses his chest against your back to provide you with some skin on skin, arm snaking around your midriff and thumb stroking your stomach.

“better?” he softly whispers. you hum softly, giggling as hyunjin kisses your earlobe.

“stopp! that tickles!” you whine. hyunjin carries on for a few seconds before kissing your neck gently.

your walls flutter around hyunjin's length which makes him silently groan. he so badly wants to move but he knows you're not in the mood for sex of any kind. your energy screams 'hold me. i've had a shit day.'

“you're so pretty, you know that right?” hyunjin hums softly. you blush a soft pink, nuzzling into the pillow to hide the embarrassment.

“shh.”

“never. i will keep telling you that you're beautiful and pretty and gorgeous and–”

“ok ok! i–i get it.” you whine. hyunjin laughs before pecking your rose coloured cheeks gently.

“you'll be ok yn. i promise you.”

“will i? i'm starting to doubt that uni is for me..”

“why baby?”

“because everyone around me is so fucking smart and i'm just there. i'm surrounded by all this talent and smartness that it's suffocating but i also feel insufficient. maybe i'm not cut out for uni...” your voice cracks and wobbles. hyunjin furrows his brows before repositioning and reinserting himself so you're facing him.

“my darling.” he cups your cheeks gently, wiping away a few stray tears. “we all have our strengths and weaknesses. you shouldn't compare yourself to others which i know is hard to do when you feel insecure and low but, someone might feel the same way about you.”

“what do you mean?” you whisper.

“well, someone else might be comparing themselves to you. what you think is a weakness about yourself could be what they find strong about you.”

“really?”

“it's possible darling. you shouldn't compare yourself to others. which is hard, i know but you shine in other aspects of life to. you are smart and talented but being smart and talented doesn't necessarily mean what you think it means.”

“no?” you look up at him as he strokes your hair gently.

“you can be smart and talented in many other ways that don't involve solving equations and making art pieces so don't bring yourself down my love. you could hold a piece of knowledge that someone else doesn't know and they could find you smart. just because you struggle in one area doesn't make you any less of a person.”

“hyun...” you sniffle, leaning into his touch. “thank you.”

“anytime darling. do you feel better?” he traces your jawline slowly with the tip of his finger before leaning down.

“much better.” you mumble before pressing your lips against hyunjin's plump ones. the kiss is slow and passionate. his cock still nestled deep inside you, walls fluttering around his length and providing hyunjin with such warmth and comfort.

“i'll always be here for you darling. morning, noon and night and if i'm not here, you have this.” hyunjin hands you his jiniret plush to which you hold close to your chest. “i love you, yn. so so much.”

note: i do love a lil bit of cockwarming with some added fluff !! ty for sending this in, i enjoy writing cockwarming. should really write more of it tbh. don’t forget to leave feedback, reblog and tell me what you think here. i hope you all enjoy! ‹3

tags (open): @sstarryoong ; @unh0ly-dr3am3r ; @septicrebel ; @alyszaen ; @writerracha ; @hyunluvxo ; @aestheticsluut ; @xcookiemonsteer ; @telesvng ; @oshimee

[gatheringbones]

[“White culture is characterized by behavior meant to control, punish, exile, and exterminate.

It is useful to say aloud that these patterns are real, and that they have become part of who and how we white people are in the world—it is only then that we will stand a chance at changing them.

White people control people. We want people to behave a certain way and we use power to try to ensure that they do so. In our own families and relationships and communities, we police behavior we regard as aberrant, as embarrassing, as strange, as improper, as rebellious, as imperfect, as somehow inconsistent with our supposed superiority, and we try to stop that behavior. To do so, we use incentives, we give or withhold money, we give or withhold love, we call on notions of loyalty and family and belonging, we embarrass people, we talk about people, we deceive people, we imply threats, and we issue overt threats—threats of exclusion, of deprivation, of violence, and of shame.

When we do not succeed in controlling people, we punish people. We withdraw support, withdraw love, withdraw resources, withdraw access. We discipline, we insult, we demean, we humiliate, we beat, we burn, we injure, we violate, we abuse, we wound, we shame. And when punishment does not work, we exile. We throw people away. Our very own “white trash.” We disown people, kick them out of our homes, our families, our communities. We deny our ties to them, deny our history with them, deny our part in them and who they are and what they do. We refuse their calls, block their access, block their numbers, block their names from our lips and our memory. We change the passwords, change the story, change the locks. And when even exile fails to remedy the perceived threat to who we think we are, we exterminate. We kill. We kill and kill and kill.

This way of being is a recipe for mass incarceration. It is no coincidence that the criminal justice system white people built has four main functions: control (in the form of policing), punishment (in forms ranging from fines to imprisonment), exile (in the form of incarceration), and extermination (in the form of executions). But this way of being is also a recipe for violence. It assumes that behavior is shaped by power and control rather than connection and responsibility. And all the way through, it is anchored in shame—by the avoidance, threat, and experience of shame, the most reliable driver of violence around.

Many white people, particularly those who are poor and working-class, have experienced the cruelty and inhumanity of these functions of white culture, even as they have benefited from the advantages that accompany it. They have been punished or exiled from their families, their churches, and their communities for their behavior or the behavior of their loved ones, their criminal convictions, their addictions, their mental illness, their violence, and their mistakes. Most people in working-class and poor white communities have experienced harms that are connected to this culture, precisely because of how damaging the current socioeconomic structure is for them. Plenty of middle-class and even wealthy white people have also endured these harms, which include addiction, physical and sexual abuse, domestic violence, other forms of violence, and loss.

Trauma like this can have an ossifying effect—it can solidify our beliefs beyond intervention, it can narrow the range of people we trust and listen to, and it can create an appetite for a channel for our anger that, when coupled with those other effects, can be disastrous. Combine that trauma with a story that we are superior, and, whether we are rich or poor or somewhere in between, the combination can make us behave in hateful ways to the people closest to us and in horrific ways to those we regard as “other” or less than us.

We could end this kind of violence in white communities (or at least render it no longer normal) if we wanted to, just as we could end the high levels of incarceration everywhere. One way for us to do so would be by using even a fraction of the resources we currently spend on incarcerating people of color. If we did not allocate spending as we do, we could—not just for white people, but for everyone, equitably—restore cuts to Medicaid and Medicare, build functional schools, invest in economic development programs that gave people a pathway to a dignified living wage, close the gap in access to healthy affordable food, or fix our roads and bridges and community centers and hospitals in all communities.

But none of that has been our priority.”]

danielle sered, from until we reckon: violence, mass incarceration, and a road to repair, 2019

[last-herondale]

When to say Goodbye

Loki x Femreader!

Warnings: Alcoholism, Mentions of Addiction, cursing ANGST A/N: I had an experience similar to this interaction recently, and in my mind it seemed perfect for a Loki fic. When someone you love is struggling, how do you know if you're helping them, or if you're part of the problem? Enjoy

The first portion of the evening passed along well enough. The dinner party was a quaint affair at a fancy restaurant. Tony made the arrangements and bought out a nice private venue just outside of New York and paid the workers extra for a “privacy” insurance. No phones. No cameras. Everyone signed an NDA, which everyone other than Tony thought was unnecessary. It wasn’t everyday that the god of thunder came to visit Earth, and it certainly wasn’t everyday that he announced his engagement to his longtime girlfriend Jane Foster. 

Thor had assured all of us that he and his fiancee had celebrated on Asgard, and that the need for a dinner was unnecessary. And despite Thor’s rather weak attempts to stop Tony from going overboard, Mr. Stark, like always, had his way. It was a well attended event. From Earth, Tony was able to assemble most of the Avengers, such as Steve, Bruce, Natasha, Clint, Rhodey, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Vision, and even begrudgingly decided to bring Scott along. And you, of course.

Thor invited his own entourage. The ever kind Jane, and the guardians. It was a pleasant surprise to see Quill and the gang, as they seemed busy with their crossworld travels, and hardly visited Earth. Rocket immediately took to the bar, with Groot on his tail, and conversation began to flow freely between friends. There were a few late arrivals, such as Strange, and Parker. You eyed the crowd a bit eagerly, not able to shake off the anxiety building in your chest. He should be here.

Perhaps it was for the best he didn’t show. 

Things didn’t usually end well whenever he showed up. For you anyway. 

After dinner, a large cake was brought out and placed before Thor and Jane. It was a beautiful 3 tier white chocolate cake, with a flourish of flowers adorning the dessert. Just as Tony was finishing a speech, and passing the mic down the table, the doors to the venue opened up, causing everyone to turn their heads. You knew before you looked. Your heart lurched in your chest and you felt your blood run cold. 

Loki came sauntering in. He was dressed for the occasion, in a nice shirt and slacks, with a jacket thrown over his shoulder. His hair was slicked back into a bun, and he wore the usual bravado smirk on his lips and he drew nearer to the table. He was glad to have the room’s attention. This was his goal all along. 

Tony seemed to come to the same conclusion too, his brows furrowed with annoyance. “Nice of you to join us Reindeer,” he mused. Thor was delighted to see his brother and commanded one of the workers to bring in a chair. 

“No need, brother,” Loki said wryly. His eyes surveyed the room until they settled on you. “I see an open seat.”

You clenched your fists as they rested on your lap. Steve was finishing his own speech as Loki pulled up a chair beside you. You could smell the liquor on him immediately. The sickly sweet smell of it lingered in the air between you. Of course he would show up to his brother’s engagement party hammered. What else did you expect? 

You refused to look at him, wanting to pay attention to Steve’s speech, or Mantis playing with her fork, or literally anything other than him. But of course he was not going to make it easy for you. He knew his affect on you. 

“Has the night been terribly dull without me, pet?” his words echoed in your mind. Even then, there was a bit of a slur to them. You clenched your jaw and shook your head. You did not want to play his games tonight. You had promised yourself to be present and in the moment rather than dedicating yourself to Loki and his needs. Steve finished his speech, and Thor rose to make a toast to his future wife. You raised your glass with the rest, and noticed from the corner of your eye that Loki did the same.

“Not talking to me tonight I see,” he thought with a laugh, “Haven’t you missed me my sweet? I’ve missed you– my pet. I can’t wait until I have you alone, once this dreadful night is over. Gods– how I need you. I might have celebrated a bit prematurely in honor of the Mighty’s Thor’s wedding announcement, which of course mother and father were just thrilled by–”

Thor finished his toast and everyone drank their champagne. You tossed yours back, anger flaring in your eyes and you turned to Loki sharply. He was expecting this reaction, and he met you with an amused face as he slowly sipped on his drink.

“Do not make tonight about you!” you yelled back in his mind. You turned away from him once more and focused on Jane and Thor cutting the cake as the room filled with applause. His hand rested on your thigh, his fingers grazing your dress under the table. 

“Love–” he began, his thoughts turning into a small whine, like a pouting child. You grabbed his wrist and violently removed it from your thigh. He did not resist, even though his strength far outmatched yours. He stilled beside you, keeping whatever thoughts to himself, registering your anger even in his drunken state. 

As dessert passed around, you kept your attention to Drax, who sat on the other side of you. Although he was not one for long conversations, you tried your best to reach through to him to occupy your mind. After the table was cleared, the party moved to the bar area and the dance floor. The party was starting to liven up, as the alcohol poured more freely and the tempo of the music picked up. 

Loki disappeared from your sight, and your anxiety grew significantly. He was unpredictable, especially when he was intoxicated, and especially when an event revolved around Thor. He had made amends with his brother years ago. Loki swore off his retaliation once he realized that was in fact loved by his brother. It was a hard pill to swallow. He had struggled for a while with coexisting with Thor, but you knew Loki feared who he would become without him. Who he would become if loneliness won again.

You had seen him try. It was a wondrous thing to behold. Loki decided to train with the Avengers, under extreme supervision of course, but Thor deemed it necessary for his redemption. Tony nearly outright refused, but Steve fought for his chance. “Everyone should have a shot at a second chance,” Steve had said to the team. It was left to a vote then. You were the last to vote. It was split. Half of the team didn’t trust Loki, which was to be expected. The other half, following Steve’s leadership, agreed that there might be a chance to redeem Loki. 

It was up to you. 

You believed in redemption. You believed in second chances. So it had been obvious. It was easy to decide. It was everything that came after… that became difficult.

While the party turned up, and everyone was dancing and mingling, you found yourself lingering next to the bar. You told yourself not to look for him, but you couldn’t help it. It's as if your body was on autopilot, searching for any sign of him to make sure he was okay. It was pathetic. It was exhausting. And yet it was the only thing you seemed to be able to do.

Mantis awkwardly made her way towards the bar, her antennas twitching a bit as she approached. Her presence made you avert your eyes from the crowd and paint a soft smile. You had always liked Mantis. 

“Hey, Mantis,” you said softly. She greeted you with a smile and took a seat next to you. She ordered water and seemed content to just sit there with you for a moment as the party continued. It wasn’t until a couple of songs passed that Mantis finally spoke.

“You’re very anxious tonight.” 

It wasn’t a question. You knew she could sense your emotions on you. That they radiated to her like waves that she alone could read and decipher. There was little sense in lying to her,

“Yes,” was all you said.

Mantis held out her hand gently, her eyes curious as she looked at you.

“May I?” 

You immediately placed your hand in hers, letting the entirety of your emotions flow into her like a river. It was a momentary relief. To allow someone to bare the weight of your heart in its fullness. She did not flinch away from you.

“You love him,” she said, tilting her head as she looked at the bar, “And this brings you great pain.”

You shuddered a breath. “Why?” you asked quietly. You knew the answer. Deep down you always knew. Mantis looked at you with a soft indifference. She was not malicious in her words. She was only speaking to what she could feel. 

“You’re afraid–” 

Mantis was cut off by a swiftly approaching Jane. Your body straightened at the sight of her looking somewhat distraught, clearly trying to hold her appearance together. Her eyes were focused on you and you alone. 

“Excuse me, Mantis,” you murmured as you rose from your chair and met Jane halfway.

“Oh thank god,” Jane said in a low voice.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, your eyes searching behind Jane for any sort of disturbance. 

“It’s Loki,” Jane sighed, “He’s drunk, Tony’s drunk– they’re having words outside on the patio. I stepped out for some air, and things seemed to be getting tense– I didn’t want to get Thor because we all know how calm he can be…”

You put a gentle hand on Jane’s shoulder. She was no fool. She knew at least bits and pieces of your relationship with Loki, enough to warrant her coming to you for assistance. 

“I’ll handle Loki,” you said sternly, “Go enjoy your party Jane, please.” You bent forward and gave her a soft peck on the cheek and hurried yourself to the patio. No one seemed to notice you move across the party, and once you entered the patio space, you saw Loki pointing a finger in Tony’s direction. 

“Tony,” your voice rang out clear and strong. This got Loki’s attention first. The sound of your voice snapped him out of his intense staredown with Tony long enough for Tony to look in your direction.

“Pepper needs you, she’s on the phone. Says it's urgent.”

It was a messy lie, but it did the job. Tony in his drunken state, widened his eyes and sloppily hurried his way back to the party. Once he was inside, you locked the door behind him and turned around to Loki, who was scowling with his arms crossed. You stood there, your arm wrapped around yourself.

“I was perfectly fine. There was no need for your interference,” he said bitterly.

“I am tired, Loki,” you whispered. You weren’t sure if he had heard you. There was still the dull beating of the music pounding just behind you. You moved away from the door, walking closer to Loki, standing a few feet away from him. You looked at him, unable to hold back the sadness in your eyes any longer. His eyes wandered your face for a moment, his face a bit slack and nonchalant. 

“I’m sorry,” Loki sighed, “This isn’t fair for you, I realize that. And yet…”

You let out a short laugh through your nose. “And yet here we are, again. Here I am, standing here between you and yourself– making excuse after excuse for you. So, I’ll ask you this, why? Why should I keep doing it? Why, Loki?”

“I need you,” Loki said immediately. His voice was soft, but stern. He was being as serious as he could be. You knew he meant it, believed it even, but you weren’t sure if it really mattered anymore. He took a step forward, almost as if he could sense the doubt radiating from your body. He knew your body well. You held his gaze as he moved closer.

“My life would be very different if it weren’t for you. You got me here, you’re why I can even step foot on this planet… I would have burned if you had not been there–”

“I have only fanned the fucking flames!” you hissed, inching closer to him. “What have I done for you, but cater to your every whim? Even when you continue to prove to me that you would rather drown in your own indignation than try to move forward in life. I humor you by being there every time you call me in a drunken stupor. Because let's be honest with ourselves, Loki, you only ever call me anymore when you are blacked out drunk, or in some dire need to drown your senses and need someone to drown with you.

“And I do. When it comes to choosing between you and my own fucking common sense, I always choose you. I drown with you because I would rather die every night with the sensation of fire in my lungs than deal with the constant breaking of my heart–” your words croak out at the end. You turned away violently as tears began to well up in your eyes. 

“Wait, wait,” he said desperately, his hand gripping your shoulder as he quickly placed himself in front of you. “I’m sorry, truly. I fucked, I fucked up. I keep fucking everything up. I hate myself for how I am… it's not a reflection of you. It’s never, gods it's never you. I know I have a problem, and I hate that I drag you into my mess. I am a selfish creature. I crave your company more than I desire your wellbeing, for if I truly cared, I would send you away, or love you like you deserve to be loved, totally and completely... But… I can’t. I can’t.”

His eyes search yours in desperation. His chest is heaving under his words and his hand runs up your shoulder until he is cupping your cheek. “I love you. Please understand that. As much as I can, in whatever capacity my heart can love, I do love you. I don’t know who I would be without you. You are my best friend.”

Tears fell down your cheeks. “I love you too,” you nearly moaned in despair, “And that’s the problem, Loki. I love you, and yet I continue to watch you destroy yourself. You constantly compare yourself to Thor, even now that you’ve made amends. You think you are unworthy of redemption and so you hide from it. You flee from it like a child and you run to me. And I have spoiled you, haven’t I? I have given you what you wanted, a distraction, a momentary blindness to the realness of your own life. But I have failed to give you what you needed. Failed to give myself what I needed.”

Loki looked like a broken thing. His face pained in ways that you had only seen momentarily. You tilted your head a bit as you continued. “Now look at us, love,” you whispered to him, “We are both dying.” You felt a cooling calm wash over you. An odd numbness that made time seem to slow down. You recognized the beating of your own heart, and the soft thumping of the pulse in his thumb on your cheek. 

This was finally time. 

“Please,” he murmured softly, desperately, “I can’t bare it.”

He did not cry or resist when you took his hand off of your face. You held his gaze for a while longer, savoring the last memories you would have of him. It took all of your strength to step away from him. It felt like ripping off a limb. 

“I love you,” you said gently, holding eye contact with him as you continued to step away. He did not follow you, or speak again. He simply kept his gaze on you, his brows furrowed in discomfort. Your heart ached in ways you never knew were possible. “But I will no longer play a part in your own undoing.”

And with that you were gone. You hardly remembered walking out of the venue, or getting into a cab, or even arriving home. Loki’s face was branded in your mind. You thought of that last look, that last devastated look as you lay your head down on your pillow that night. You would not sleep that night. You would not sleep for many nights to come.

[idyllcy]

from one admirer to another : thanksgiving?

pairing: leon kennedy x reader || masterpost: from one admirer to another

synopsis: from one admirer to another, an online penpal service, allows for two people with common interests to write to each other without ever revealing their actual address! Luckily for both you and Leon, you get matched up! What do eggs and Christmas even have in common anyway? sure hope it's that modeling business and NOT that Ada Wong addiction.

featuring: reader as model number two // leon as Leon

Dear Leon,

Listening to Hamilton? "My dearest, Angelica." was it? So sorry I can't make Thanksgiving dinner with you. I'm happy I get to at least visit you quickly before to bake some cookies. I'm bringing apple pie, but you know that since you're opening this letter after I leave... I hope? I asked Claire what your favorite pie was. She said apple. I hope she was right (sweating)

I like spending time with you. It's kind of interesting to consider after all of what we've been through. Though, I will tell you that had you not been my penpal before I found out you liked me, we probably would not be here. I probably wouldn't be writing this letter right now too.

I think you're great. I feel bad for making you wait so long for a proper answer— just kidding, I don't. I do, however, offer you a sorry that you had the unfortunate experience of falling for me when I hadn't fallen for you. I think I like you. To some extent. I can not promise that I will be able to love you back in the same way you love me, but I can promise that no matter what, I will stick by you.

Okay, writing any more of this is going to make me nervous and get all flustered, so apologies for the short letter. I hope our cookies come out good.

maybe yours, model number two.

You hand the letter to Leon at the door.

"Already?"

"It's shorter than usual." You scratch your cheek. "Shall we get baking?"

"I preheated the oven. All that's left is making the batter."

"It needs to sit for thirty minutes." You give him a thumbs up. "Let's get cooking."

Leon could do this forever. He helps you measure out the ingredients, fingers brushing yours and reaching over to help you with the mixer, giving you a laugh when you notice that he's got just about everything to bake at his place. He wonders if you find it endearing or maybe a little strange.

He doesn't ask, though. You seem much too invested in baking the cookies to actually care.

"And the other bag?" He raises his brow, closing his fridge to let the batter sit.

"Apple pie for you guys later." You hum. "Can I sit on the couch? The one I hear about in your letters?"

"Of course. Sunny's already waiting."

It doesn't take too much to spot the bundle of gold on his leather couch.

"Can I read the letter?"

You throw your head back to look at him, huffing.

"It's embarassing."

"Don't think that." He steps behind you, ruffling your hair as he opens it. "Please?"

"What is this? Coercion?"

"So no?"

"Don't read it out loud." You throw your hands over your face, sighing as Leon looks through the letter, humming quietly as you peek up at him through your fingers.

You find that he's already looking at you.

"So?"

"And if I kissed you?"

"Sunny. Attack."

Sunny hops over you at Leon, and he dodges, laugh on his lips at the visible embarrassment on your face, his own cheeks red with affection as you sigh.

"Let's get some dates in after this." He turns to smile at you, and your heart flutters like butterflies on a sunny day. "Please?"

"If... you insist."

Leon has the confidence to say that you wouldn't have it any other way.

prev letter : masterlist : next post

[flowerwiththemachinegun]

Sephiroth x Reader Made for You

This was not at all what it was originally supposed to be, original description is at the very end.

New Description: Sephiroth x Reader. Ever Crisis-Crisis Core-ish (Pre-Nibelheim) timeline. 5.9k words. In which you were created to be Sephiroth’s perfect mate. Warnings?: Mentions of alcohol abuse, miscarriages and Hojo’s clammy hands all over you(not like that). Hojo meant for you to serve as a breeding ground to create more perfect subjects. His plans get disrupted as your mother doesn’t have the heart to subject you to more trauma{trauma enters stage left as intense as possible} . In a panic she abandons you in hope that Shinra won’t be able to track you down. Eventually you cross paths with Sephiroth, creating a bond that would last a lifetime. Written in a series of headcanons, I’ll probably re-use reader backstory in other fics but i didn’t want to write this as a full out fic. It is definitely up in the air as to what happens to your mother, let's hope she will won’t be found she deserves death, i don't care if she tried to make it right. No, the dad is not Hojo. The age ranges helped me track what I was typing but I don't think I'll take it away. I’d say probably a year or so older than Sephiroth. Will make a part two for the events following Genesis’ departure-FF7 possibly through Advent Children too.

_________________________________________

Age 1:

 Your mother, Levy, came to her senses shortly after giving birth to you. Taking off in the dead of night to hide her precious child from the cruel clutches of Professor Hojo. When she signed up for this project she didn’t fully realize what she would be submitting herself to, the kind of torment she’d relinquish a baby to, her baby to. She wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt knowing that she gave you the worst possible future. So in a desperate attempt to “set things right” she abandons Shinra, leaving Midgar and taking you to Corel.

Levy knows she can’t stay with you, she’d be far too easy to track down. Besides, Hojo would never let one of his prized experiments get very far. Certainly he wouldn’t want Levy to get away, not after trying to ruin such a delicate process. There are consequences to these actions and everyone gets caught eventually. She needs to make this quick. It's already been two weeks since the two of you escaped, knowing that she doesn’t have the resources or connections to stay hidden for very long sends her into even more of a panicked state.  

All things considered, the decisions she made were already questionable, so it was no surprise that Levy’s poor choices led her to handing you off to some random stranger who reeked of liquor. Granted, he might have been absolutely shitfaced but he did at least seem to have a warm spirit. That was the last time she ever saw you, hugging you tightly and kissing you on the forehead before venturing on to the next unknown location.

The day Levy dropped you off to the strange man was a turning point for your “adoptive father”, Kaiser. Previously he was a drunk with a gambling problem, only picking up odd jobs to fuel his addictions. While he heavily considered taking you to the nearest clinic and dropping you off, another part of him thought the lifestream brought this child to him for a reason. That maybe now his life had purpose again, that maybe if he could do some strange lady a favor that it might atone for the things he’s previously done.

Age 4:

 Kaiser started to pick up his bad habits again, losing every job he’d obtained due to showing up drunk; not showing up at all because he was out gambling all of his funds away, or the icing on the cake that led to his inability to find another job in Corel, stealing. In such a small town word got around fast, yet people still went out of their way to give him a chance, more so for your sake, not Kaiser’s. The townspeople could only be sympathetic to an extent, eventually not being considered for hire by anyone. Following these events led him searching for work outside of Corel, branching out to Midgar where he got a job doing residential plumbing. 

Age 4-10:

It was enough to make ends meet, renting out a single bedroom in the slums of sector 5. Not the most ideal or comfortable living situation but it was better than being on the streets. The move to Midgar at least showed positive signs in your father, but that would only last for so long. He was always still loving towards you, though at times it was hard to tell how much he truly cherished you since he seemed more interested in trying to maintain both lifestyles when he should’ve picked you above all. It was when he discovered Wall Market his presence dwindled down to a minimum. Still claiming that you saved his life and all of that other nonsense while leaving you to fend for your own in the same breath.

Age 10-12:

 Eventually you started leaving home alone, beginning to venture out and wander the slums. After a certain point you couldn’t sit around waiting for Kaiser to feed you, never knowing what he would come back to take care of or even tell you he loves you. This existence was so painfully lonely. Without much direction in life thus far you started getting involved with a group of fellow misguided children. Learning how to break into homes, shops, showing you how to pickpocket people; life was hard enough in itself, these few skills (if you wanna call it that) helped you get by. Despite Kaiser still being around you had to start getting funds on your own, especially when you learned property owners had zero problem throwing a child out on the streets no matter your situation. 

You and your tightknit group of baby thugs manage to bring your string of break ins to the upper plate, securing passes to the top for the oldest of the group (18-20) and the younger of the group would act like they were with an older sibling, negating the need for passes as they were minors. Picking a different plate to explore each time you went up and stole whatever you found valuable or simply wanted out of greed as long as you could discreetly bring it back. Roaming Sector 2 may have been your biggest mistake. Quickly stuffing the tools from a car you broke into your bag, slamming the trunk shut and taking off as fast as possible. It was already a risky area to break into cars at, the spot you chose happened to be a bit too out in the open, you just had a hunch something good would be in the vehicle. All but running around the corner to distance yourself from your crime you bump into someone making you fall right on your ass. 

Twelve years. He’s been looking for you for twelve long years with practically no traces, yet here you were. Had Hojo told Heidegger no at the notion of going out to lunch together you wouldn’t have been sprawled out on the ground in front of him. The minute you locked eyes with the strange man, a menacing smirk spread across his features. Hojo’s nice words betraying his true intention and twisted glee, looking into those e/c glowing eyes Hojo knew you belonged to him. Reaching a hand out to help you up, apologizing for being “clumsy”, asking where your parents are, his grin never leaving his face. Not taking the time to talk to him, you mumble a quick thanks for helping you up, immediately darting off to find the others, a bit shook at the thought of nearly being caught. Surely you had been caught, just not in the way you thought. 

Despite being, in Hojo’s eyes, inadequate due to his lack of presence in your life, you were still valuable. You were another product of the Jenova Project, not quite to serve the same purpose as the First Class SOLDIERS, though you could have been just as strong. He’s missed too many monumental milestones in your growth to achieve similar results as Sephiroth. However, that isn’t going to stop him from trying in combination with ensuring you’re capable of achieving your original use. It won’t be hard for him to track you now, he knows what you look like and where you’ve been. The city is riddled in surveillance and Hojo will see to it you are found, sending out several Turks to monitor you, requesting they take various items from the shared home of you and Kaiser that would contain any traces of your DNA. 

It didn’t take long for Hojo to prove who you were and that you were Shinra property, he was already certain of it after your first interaction. In the short time you were in Hojo’s presence one of the first things he did was take many samples from you. Even without the DNA Hojo had he would be able to find out your identity. Simply drawing your blood would have sufficed but he was forced to go about taking you back in a more “tame” manner. The minute the samples matched he sent the Turks in to snatch you up and bring you in, demanding Kaiser be brought with them. 

Age 12-15: 

Hojo didn’t make it a secret where you came from, telling you early on that you have always been Shinra property, claiming this was your real home. Over time Hojo somehow convinced you this life was better than the life you lived in the slums as well as any of the time you spent with Kaiser. Honestly, it was hard for you to tell as neither lifestyle proved to be healthy. At least you had regular meals and a guaranteed roof over your head, regardless of it being a creepy cold lab, but you were once again back to being alone but now all of the time. Never allowed to interact with anyone, your only company was Hojo, if that could count. Rarely talking to you outside of questioning you in relation to testing or attempting to cram as much knowledge into your brain as possible. Also sharing interactions with the couple of Turks he allowed to train you, Hojo oversaw each training session, cutting off any conversation he felt didn’t assist in your progression. Which were certainly most of them.

An absolute fucking nightmare. Being subjected to Hojo’s experiments was, now, the worst thing you’ve ever experienced, you thought life was challenging before but currently this is a special kind of hell. Being left in mako tanks for weeks on end because you “need to catch up”, being kept awake for the majority of your surgical experiments unless it was really necessary. Forced to repeatedly kill in order to prove your worth, doing things you couldn't imagine just in the hopes to save a “father” they’ve already killed. You don’t know this information, the leverage you think they have against you makes you more inclined to go along with their plans. 

Hojo learned the hard way that your abilities to heal like the others were extremely lacking. On this particular day Hojo was, once again, invading your body. Not so much to alter anything, but taking notes on significant changes from past surgeries and experiments, as well as testing new equipment. He wouldn’t admit it due to his “singular genius” but the machine he created to assist in speeding up surgical processes malfunctioned. In turn severely damaging numerous organs and causing excessive bleeding. While, no, just any organs won’t do, he’s going to piece you together as fast as he can. Refusing to let you go after seeking you out all of this time. Your potential is too great. Quickly pulling out a few cadavers that were failures from the Jenova Project, but due to the genetic makeup, their parts will have to do. Smiling as he pieced you back together, taking organs from the other bodies and replacing your damaged parts.

Something about killing you, reviving you, and nursing you back to health brought you and Hojo closer to each other. Having a portion of his lab reconstructed into a small living quarters so you could be more comfortable while you got better. Between all of his other experiments, you, plus Sephiroth, Hojo found it convenient to spend a lot of time in your space. Partially due to his constant need to take care of you after that last incident, Hojo's day would often end with you. Swooping by to change any bandages, check vitals, asking the usual to help assess your health. You’re not sure what made you reach out to him, or why he surprisingly extended his hand out to you. It came to a point the nightmares were just too much, the nightmares Hojo instilled in you. In spite of all signs telling you to run from him, your skin crawling when you think about Hojo, you still wanted his comfort. Requesting that he stays with you for the night, telling him you were too scared to fall asleep because of the things you’ll see. Hojo rolls his eyes and scoffs at this, nevertheless he settles himself into your quarters. Crawling into your bed just as you wanted, finding himself annoyed by the display of weakness, yet a foreign warmness crept into Hojo’s chest. It was uncomfortable, it was weak, it was welcoming. The smallest smile of content cracking through Hojo as you crawl on him, resting your head on his chest. Bringing one of his arms to wrap around you snuggly. While no, you weren’t his kid, you brought out this almost fatherly sensation out of him.

You would never get permission to leave his lab, being able to occasionally roam about as he monitored your actions. If for once he was strictly doing paperwork related tasks he would allow you out as well, still keeping a close eye on you. Often finding yourself standing in front of pods of lifeless beings, half wondering if you’d end up like them; the other half curious as to what they are, or rather what Hojo did to make them what they are. Eventually you can’t help but question him on some of these things as he takes you back to your portion of the lab. Many times he ignores your questioning, knowing the complexities of each creature would be too much for you to understand, not hesitating to let you know. Eventually your constant questioning led to another connection the two of you developed, starting to take the time to explain some of the creatures, even providing you his research from a few of them. To Hojo’s surprise you caught on impressively fast, here he was thinking you weren’t the most competent finding himself able to have full conversations with you about projects he felt he was permitted to talk about with you. 

Age 15-17

Hojo finally started integrating back into the real world. Allowing you to go on missions with the Turk members who've been training you. Leaving that lab had been viewed as a form of freedom in their eyes, accepting taking you on assignments willingly. Not without a sense of guilt as some of your actions would shape the person you would become, feeling like you were too young to experience such events. Granted, you’ve already been through hell, you just dish it out now definitely still being tormented. Your success rate consistently being 100% never failed to get you praise from Hojo, uttering some nonsense about getting closer and closer to his goal with you. Not that he’d ever tell you what you were really used for outside of “genetic testing”. Well, it isn’t a total lie afterall, you were a walking, talking genetic nightmare and Hojo was the only person that would ever understand what makes you tick.

Meeting Sephiroth was entirely planned on Hojo’s behalf, keeping the two of you out of sight from one another as you grew up. It was simply better to go about introducing the two of you this way. Sending the two of you off on a mission with a few other SOLDIER members to eliminate a former Shirna employee who took off with some very valuable materia. Upon seeing Sephiroth you almost couldn’t contain your glee, finally meeting someone your own age for the first time in four years. The trip to Modeoheim provided a fairly interesting conversation between you and Sephiroth. The look of surprise written all over his face as your words hint at you growing up with Hojo as well. Once Sephiroth pieced it together he was a bit confused, frowning at his own question, “I’ve been there my whole life, why haven’t I seen you before?” You’re aware of what you should and shouldn’t talk about, vaguely going into detail about the small amount of time you remembered in Corel and your life in Midgar but not quite how you were brought to Shinra. Revealing you never knew your parents and having an adoptive father who “vanished” according to Hojo’s words accompanied in building a bridge between yourself and Sephiroth. The two of you could heavily relate to each other, even being able to make dark jokes about the weird things Hojo has subjected you to. That gets a lot of worried glances from everyone around, but nobody is going to speak on it. Following this successful mission you and Sephiroth have the joy of working together on three other occasions before you don’t see him for years.

Age 18-23

Hojo had no intentions on letting you be a part of SOLDIER directly, stating that it would be a waste of resources, making it clear that wasn’t what you were trained for nor born for. As time passes on Rufus decides to make you an official member of the Turks with Hojo’s permission. You’ve taken on missions from them as is; working hand and hand with Tseng many times in which you gained his approval as well. Rufus wanted Tseng to retrain you personally, your skills already being a cut above the rest. However, Rufus wasn’t present for a majority of your original training. No worries though, Tseng is going to help you brush up those already near perfect skills. Making sure your physical training was consistently up to date and your wits were as sharp as ever. The mental training with Tseng was far more grueling than the physical training, taking you through espionage-esque simulations that could last for weeks. He had to be positive that your critical thinking and adaptability were to his liking. Not to mention making sure you were capable of making difficult and immoral decisions at the blink of an eye with no hesitation. Gaia, when the objective was to outsmart Tseng you’ve hardly passed. An accomplishment that’s a near impossible hard feat to achieve, after attempt after attempt he finally gave you a pass. Though you can’t call it a win, not when Tseng told you “Not good enough to trick me, but a mass of the population wouldn’t pick up on it.” In the end Tseng turned you into what he would consider a perfect Turk, well near perfect. The duo of Reno and Rude would certainly taint your more serious demeanor, teaching you how to properly slack off and to time inappropriate jokes so you could grate at Tseng’s nerves. Even coming up with your own Turk-Two Step for each one of the iconic duo. Joining the Turks was like joining a family, a really fucked up one that carried out a lot of unethical tasks together, but a family nevertheless. 

Once you became a Turk you finally moved out of Hojo’s lab, getting your first apartment. You would still be residing in the Shinra building, instead on a residential floor. You seemed to be loyal to the company, either it stemming from a genuine place or the knowledge that there is no escaping Shinra. Being as deeply involved as you were, it isn't like they’d let you go easily  and you had nowhere to run off to. Shinra really was all you had. So letting you venture out on your own just didn’t seem like it would be problematic. Besides, who else would take care of you except for Hojo, he was probably the only person on the planet that could. As sickly as you could be, it would be foolish to stay away from him, common medical practices wouldn’t be of any use. Which is fine by you, the connection you developed with Hojo is still strong. It was an odd relationship but you cared for him in a fatherly sense. Hojo was far from being an actual father figure but when you squint your eyes and tilt your head it made sense. Seeing that he took care of you for so long, teaching you practically everything you know, showing you in his own twisted way that he cares for you. You still go in for regular testing, sometimes extra experiments if Hojo wants to try something new. These days the extra “modifications” would be made less and less. To make up for your lack of presence in Hojo’s lab you make it your job to pop up as often as possible, interrupting his research unless he was working on something live. 

One of the days you pay Hojo a visit, you find Sephiroth sitting on an examination table, shirtless as Hojo checks his vitals. If it weren’t for a few obvious factors you wouldn’t have recognized him. He’s grown a lot since you worked together 5 years ago. Tall, muscular and his hair had grown an ungodly amount. You had seen pictures around but that was nothing compared to physically seeing him. Quickly turning your gaze towards Hojo, giving him a hug before swiftly greeting Sephiroth and rushing out the door. Attraction was certainly a foreign experience, not having anywhere near enough time to dabble in dating or any relations that would fall under that category. To Hojo’s delight Sephiroth would ask if he knew where to find you and without hesitation he gave Sephiroth your floor and residential number. By all means, Hojo already retrieved the necessary means to reproduce between the two of you. He would much rather this process occur naturally, carrying the child yourself would very well give different results. He’d love to compare the difference between a child naturally conceived between you and Sephiroth and a test tube version.

It didn’t take very long for Sephiroth to come looking for you thinking that perhaps he may be going a step too far coming to your home. He simply couldn’t stop thinking about you, one of the only people he felt he could relate to on an entirely different level. A part of him viewing the small amount of time the two of you spent together as unfair, he deserved to be showered in more of your presence. You left Hojo's lab with such haste that he could barely catch a glimpse of you. So here Sephiroth stands, in front of your door staring at it like it might attack him. Ah, he forgot he was completely socially inept, being positive that he’s never felt this type of fear even on the battlefield. It’s okay, he’ll be spared a bit of the anxiety that came with knocking on your door as you sneak up behind him. Staring at your front door with the same amount of curiosity before questioning him, “Is there something wrong with it?” The look on his face said it all. Shock, embarrassment, you could practically feel the tension rolling off of this man. There was no denying the small smile tugging at Sephiroth’s lips as you asked if he found what he was looking for, telling you that he “certainly did”. Now that you were up close you couldn’t help but examine him, asking yourself if you were sure this was the same man from your first missions. A few moments of silently looking each other over passes before inviting him in with you. The two of you sit in an awkward silence for a bit before you take charge of conversation to ease his obviously wary mind. Guiding him through conversation seemed to fair far better, he had always been a bit awkward but dare you say it got worse. Not that it bothers you, it’s adorable watching the world’s strongest man trip over his words while talking to you. By the time he left it was nearing 1am, promising to come back, hugging you tightly before he departed. You could feel him stiffen as he hugged you, but the rapid beating of his heart told you everything.

Over the course of the next couple of years, your relationship with Sephiroth would strengthen. With Sephiroth finally being sent back to Midgar you were able to see him more and more. Of course he was still busy with his role in SOLDIER, but he made sure to make an open slot for you any chance he got. There was never quite a verbal discussion as to where your relationship was going, neither one of you knowing how to go about initiating a relationship normally. Your unspoken loyalty to each other was clear though, he was yours and you were, without a doubt, his. At some point Sephiroth starts getting you out of the Shinra building if your schedules align for it, he’s tired of seeing Shinra walls and thinks you should be too. Taking you to restaurants Angeal and Genesis would suggest he take you to, sometimes wandering the streets in the dead of the night, away from prying eyes. It took a lot of adjusting to how much attention Sephiroth would draw on your outings, jokingly offering to “take care of them”. There had to be a balance of course, you couldn’t be in the public light very much as a Turk, so having your face plastered everywhere as Sephiroth’s significant other wouldn’t do. That worked out in both of your favors, never caring to be in such a crowded scene. You would start spending nights at his place; whether it was due to Sephiroth or being outside of Shinra walls, easily could’ve been the combination of both, you could finally sleep easily. Falling into routine (Sephiroth’s subtle ways of begging for attention) at some point you abandon your apartment, only stopping there if work keeps you over too long or to grab any items you need along the way.

Being sent on missions became difficult for you, it wasn’t due to any difficulty spikes. You were more than capable of handling any tasks they sent your way, it was the distracting thoughts and incomplete sensation you got when Sephiroth wasn’t by your side. Finding it hard to fall asleep on missions just as the time you first began venturing out into the world. It was even worse when you would come back to Sephiroth being deployed on a mission. Though you missed each other dearly the distance would never come between each other, in fact the two of you were certain nothing would. You were made for him, something he tells you often, unknowing the true depth of his words. There were at least perks to being away from him for extended periods of time. The way Sephiroth would take care of you after a mission was unmatched. No, he couldn’t cook, making him stay far away from the kitchen after his first time making you a meal (you got food poisoning and it tasted exactly like military rations). However, he would do sweet things if time allowed, like having flowers waiting for you, running baths, giving you massages to help soothe your aching muscles after a rather rough time on the field, not to mention the sex. And boy, did he have a list of kinks. The longer you were away would at times dictate how intense he would fuck you when you got back. Amongst all things he was there for you after all of your missions, not all of them made you feel guilty enough to cause much turmoil. But as we know, you work doing Shinra’s dirty work, and at times the things you had to do to keep Shinra in good lighting were downright atrocious. Sephiroth being able to thoroughly understand your mental state after particular missions helped in comforting, while you were unable to talk about most events that occurred during missions, you didn’t have to. He has you and he’s going to hold you until you stop crying, just as you do for him when Sephiroth’s guilt tears him to shreds.

Discovering you were pregnant had to be the second most terrifying event in your life. Finding Sephiroth sitting at the dining room table reading, you break the news to him, not feeling keen on hiding anything from him. Sephiroth borderline passed out at the news but he was happy “You don’t seem to reciprocate the feeling, is this not what you wanted with me?” Sephiroth has said in the past he wanted a family of his own, expressing his desire to create a healthy environment, to be a parent to his offspring. He just wants to give his child the life he wanted so dearly. God’s it certainly was, but it wasn’t at the same time, explaining how reliant you are on Hojo due to your health. A reminder that nearly causes him to flip the table over, this was probably the loudest you ever heard him get angrily shouting that he “doesn’t want that monster anywhere near my child!” Watching the emotional breakdown he had as fear crept in, he might not have a choice but to let you deal with Hojo for the duration of your pregnancy. In addition to the chance Sephiroth may even have no choice other than to let that “sick fuck”  run tests on them, easily became one of the most heartbreaking sights. Holding him tightly you dually decide to keep it under wraps as long as you can, knowing it couldn’t last long as you have regular checkups just as Sephiroth does.

Hojo can sense something isn’t right, your lack of presence makes that part obvious. Coupled with you avoiding appointments the last 4 months, coming up with some work related excuse that he knew was bullshit. He gets access to everything you do, everywhere you go, he could damn near tell you what the last batch of paperwork you signed for Tseng entailed word for word. Once again giving your cellphone a call knowing today was an off day for you, letting out a frustrated sigh as you let it go to voicemail. He has time today, he’s going to call until you answer the damn thing. Even stopping by your apartment, by now he knows you’re rarely there. Often spending your time at Sephiroth’s loft, showing up there was a thought but he had a hunch your lack of attendance had something to do with Sephiroth. Sephiroth probably wouldn’t answer the door for him or lie about your whereabouts. During his walk back to his lab Hojo is pleasantly surprised to see your name show up on the screen of his phone, immediately asking why you haven’t showed up to any appointments. Hojo was well on his way to lecturing you about how fragile and unpredictable your health could be before being cut off by Sephiroth's worried voice. He was speaking in a jumbled mess, being able to make out bits of what Sephiroth was saying as he was talking a million miles per second. At Sephiroth’s explanation, if you could call it that, Hojo tells him to bring you in. Hearing the hesitance in Sephiroth’s reply Hojo utters out coldly “or would you rather y/n bleed out?”

Upon running an ultrasound Hojo determines you were roughly four months in. “Four months in with no heartbeat.” Anger was an absolute understatement, due to you and Sephiroth’s combined stupidity killing a perfectly good specimen. Hojo’s concern hardly lied with you, but he was going to act the part so well it had Sephiroth questioning himself as to why Hojo never shared that same amount of care. The very moment Hojo was done cleaning you up and checking your vitals once more, he asks to speak to Sephiroth in private as they let you rest. Hojo would use this moment to gaslight Sephiroth to no end, directing all of his aggression at the silver haired man as soon as were far enough from your room. Venom laced Hojo’s tone as he asked what the two of you were thinking. Sephiroth had no problem stating his distaste for Hojo, in great detail, furiously stating that Hojo wouldn’t “fuck up my kid as you did me.”  In Hojo’s mind he was throwing an absolute fit. There were no words to describe the fury coursing through his veins at Sephiroth’s words. “If I’m hearing you correctly, your reasoning is because you are scared of me?” That was the straw to break the camel’s back, Sephiroth snatching Hojo by his coat, shoving him against the wall so hard it leaves a dent. The action surprised them both. While Hojo wasn’t scared, he was taken aback. Hojo hardly had time to register Sephiroth’s movements as grabbed him up in a flash. Knowing Sephiroth wouldn’t go through with hurting him, Hojo continues his mental assault. Stating in a matter of fact way “Had you brought y/n to me the minute you knew, they both could have been fine, but now we’ll never know."  “Your paranoia led to their deaths.”  “And to think, y/n told you a long time ago they need me.” Making it very clear the amount of danger the two of you naively subjected your child Hojo’s creation and yourself to was reckless. “What were you going to do if they were sent on assignment?”  “Next time, show y/n you actually care, get them the help they require. Not everyone’s life operates on your terms.” After those words Sephiroth releases Hojo, defeated in a way he’s never felt before. Walking back to your recovery room, refusing to leave your side until you're cleared to go. 

Sephiroth wouldn’t sleep well for a while following these events, the guilt keeping him up for months. Not showing up to work, skipping meals, moping all of the time, notable of all Sephiroth’s refusal to leave your side. At times unable to cope, truly feeling as though the loss of your child and the risk your life was in was entirely his fault. Hojo’s words playing over and over again in his head like a broken record. Sephiroth never told you what Hojo said that night, he’s not even sure why he didn’t, mostly due to him believing everything Hojo said. He would break down from time to time about it, crying and apologizing profusely for all the pain he caused you, despite the million times you told Sephiroth he’s done nothing wrong. He would try his hardest to stay strong around you, knowing you would easily feel worse than him. You were the one pregnant afterall, the one to fully experience the impact of a miscarriage. Then why does it feel like he’s shedding more tears over this than you? It made his sense of guilt go through the roof. You definitely cried a lot after you lost your baby, falling into a depression, finding yourself not leaving Sephiroth’s arms for hours as you too sulked around. Despite Sephiroth feeling like he wasn’t supporting you enough, the reality was you both were a source of strength for each other and he too has a right to feel sadness. You would pick him back up, as he would do the same for you. Eventually falling back into old routines. Going on outings again, enjoying the night breeze, having spontaneous little date nights, or just spending your time in comfortable silence. Yeah, sometimes the pain would come back, it was hard not to dwell on it, but at least life felt normal between the two of you once more. Well, as normal as it could get with your lives. This peace would only last so long as Genesis deserts Shinra, leaving Sephiroth’s mental state to begin declining again. At least he had you and Angeal, not to mention the little baby growing in you again. Let’s just hope your pregnancy goes smooth this time and Genesis returns soon.

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Lollllll Christ I'm sorry I couldn't just let ya'll be happy but that's not how it's going. I'm kind of happy with the direction this went vs my original description which is...questionable at best. It's 5 am now so im gonna get some fuckin sleep

Original description: NSFW? But not really NSFW? Warning might change I dunno yet. Hojo x Reader headcanons. Sick little freaky old bastard I have no idea why I love him. I’d real deal take that dick for some SOLDIER juice. I prefer the idea of Hojo rejecting me though, makes me feel good and desperate. Warnings: idk this sounds like grooming but unintentional. I still want arranged breeding with Sephiroth. This isn’t incest, halfway through my mind said “aye dawg the lines are kind of blurred here”, we don’t know who the father is but it won’t be Hojo cause if we were doing that with anyone, he is not the guy.