dumping more of my stancest feels here because i cannot NOT think of them. i read journal 3 for the first time this week and its great because Ford acts like stanley's biggest hater which is pretty fking funny (if not absolutely infuriating at times because omfg stfu you smug prick)
but the moments like this get to me
Ford being blinded by his quest of grandeur, accolades and praise for world changing discoveries, so obsessed with greatness, being the first name people remember, and all the other things his npd-isms tells him he wants.
And then there's "reminds me of camping with my brother. i wonder what he's up to..."
i mentioned in my previous post that stan acts quite a lot like the anchor to ford's boat, keeping him grounded and most importantly, safe from both the bitter and the sweet kinds of evils. but he also represents something so much simpler to ford too: the simple desires he represses so much because its not "good enough" for someone special like him.
he resents stan so much because he represents a "block" against that percieved good enough success he wants, the obstacle that made it impossible to get in a fancy college, become the world renowed researcher, the one who wanted to destroy his journal's and lifes work (even though it was the better, safer option if Bill really WAS that dangerous, which he was) that could still make him famous. because if ford's not "praised and weird" then he's just "weird" and being "weird" was nothing but a pain his whole life that kept him rejected and isolated from the masses. and stan prevented him from that.
(btw "maybe he can prove himself to me" is nasty work my god ford is a douche lmao)
a lot of his projections of something greater comes through with how he treated dipper in the show (his whole spiel in damvtf) and fiddleford in journal 3 where he looks down on the happy life that fiddleford had with his wife and child and saying he was "wasting his talents" making computers. and like, we all know by the way he takes them on high stakes adventures they're not as prepared for compared to him (and end up causing more trouble than not by doing so), he's trying to fill a gaping hole left by someone else. we all know this obviously, we all know what we ship here, but what i came to appreciate the most about it is how much that gaping hole exists in the low stakes
everytime ford is thinking during the "down time" moments, his thoughts always drift back to his childhood, and one person who represents it.
childhood memories, making fun of stans favorite snack, scribbling out a design of the stan o war, whenever Ford lets his mind wander it expresses such an intense yearning for the past before he became obsessed with wanting something more. these are his most utmost and most unfiltered thoughts, which is why he scribles them away or and writes in code. and the fact that he directly says they are about NOT getting married, followed with "wondering what he's doing right now", painting the picture of what his most ideal idylic life is. wanting a return of something lost. wanting Stan back more than anything.
he finally accepts that his dream never really changed, just the same as stan's and so they saild off together for the rest of their days, in ford's own words (which ironically sounds like a marriage to me either way so tough shit ford)
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Thinking about how similar these two shots are. The camera does a slow arc around the face, from 3/4 profile to straight on. Aziraphale's goes from his left cheek, clockwise, zooming in a bit, and Crowley's goes from his right cheek, counterclockwise, zooming out a bit. Beautiful.
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i wanna talk about romantic killer and how impactful anzu is. the narrative has a theme with anzu having more impact than she seems to notice.
Before the show even starts, Anzu's been impactful. It could be blamed on the long-time crush, but Junta's a big case of this. Anzu bluntly told him he'd likely be good at baseball, so he tried it and she was right. One observation led him into a lot of his friends, and possibly his future career, but Anzu's oblivious to it. I think she noticed her impact with Saki, but in anzu's mind, there was nothing else to do. Someone hurt her friend and she was going to stand up for her so Saki wouldn't have to keep dealing with that.
Tsukasa is an interesting case in regard to anzu's impact. It's basically camouflaged until Kishi shows up. Anzu saw him blaming himself, after all, that's what most people did the first time. But anzu hits him with the most amazing line about wishing she could've been there to believe him then. and in the moment before he tells Kishi off, we see how much that impacted him.
the impact to Hijiri is the most obvious. Like we hear from Tsuchiya that Anzu's rejection led him to try seeing from a "commoner's point of view". Which helped him not simply rely on his status and wealth, aka influencing his life for the better. So anzu's far more aware of this, but she seems so shocked about it im more sure she doesn't notice her impact.
and then there's Riri. I think it's kinda a 2-way street, as these two changed each other for the better simultaneously. Anzu by calling out how Riri's lack of understanding humans would only hurt them, and Riri calling out how Anzu only caring about her greatest desires was isolating her(specifically from romance but it was hurting her friendships too). anzu's impact on riri shows more in their actions, like staying in human form more and trying to act like a human would. and those attempts build into them caring about anzu beyond just their job, esp in the last couple of episodes. Riri's barely in potato form and breaks the rules 3 different times for anzu, things the riri from episode 1 would've never done, lest they get a pay cut.
In conclusion, anzu is that friend who apropos nothing says the most insightful thing that will stick with you for years, but totally forgot about it right after.
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