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allfearstofallto · 7 months

Text

Prying Eyes

Yandere Scaramouche x Reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Synopsis: Such things as privacy don't exist when you're married to Scaramouche

TW: yandere, obsessive themes, violence, oral (m. receiving), non-con, very harsh words (just Scara talking)

You always appreciated the fact that Scaramouche let you have a separate bedroom. When you asked for it, head bowed and hands trembling in fear of how he'd respond, you remember thinking that he'd punish you for not wanting to be in his presence every hour of the day.

But much to your surprise, he merely thought on it for a second, then nodded, “Yes, that would be fine.”

Your eyes widened to the size of saucers. You wholly went into this expecting him to say no, and you thought he was going to. There was no harm in asking, you told yourself, but there was harm. Scaramouche had the most ruthless punishments for you, his “doting wife,” and you were subjecting yourself to the idea of one, just for the opportunity, the opportunity that you actually got.

“Are-are you sure, my lord?” You stuttered, you weren't sure if he'd heard you correctly and your mouth went dry knowing that he could take this back away from you thinking it as a misunderstanding.

“Must you constantly ask questions?” He sighed in annoyance, “I agreed upon it so it will be done. Go and bring me a maid.”

You turned on your heels quickly while also trying not to seem to excited. Your heart was beating so hard in your chest, you were sure it would lurch out of your throat.

Your hand was nearly on the sliding door when he spoke again, “Wait,” he ordered. And you did. Still as a board and stuck in place. His word was law. He said jumpand you'd ask how high. He said wait and you didn't dare ask how long. If you were waiting for him, you were expected to be enthusiastic about it.

You looked back to face his, his expression still as unreadable as usual, “Yes, my lord?”

“You've forgotten something,” his finger was gently patting his delicate cheek.

A kiss was pressed against his face, something he seemed to enjoy from you. But there was a little more emotion pit into it this time, a bit of a more expressive kiss on his cheek, showing how happy this made you. And the slight blush on his face told you that he was happy too.

Your room was at the very end of the hall. It wasn't your room just yet. There were no empty spaces in the balladeer's home, a former supply closet was to be cleaned out for you. But anything was better than nothing.

Of course, nothing was without it's rules and Scaramouche had a few. If he requested you spend the night in his bed, you would, no ifs ands or buts. Your room was also to stay open to him, if he wanted entry, he'd have it, no matter the time of day. And lastly, he didn't want you to spend all day in your room. You were still expected to come out and wander the house, and most specifically, greet him throughout the day.

All of those rules sounded like nothing to you, easy feats considering how strict Scara typically was with you.

“I'm doing this for you because I want to trust you. Do you understand?” he said the day your room was completed. His words fell on deaf ears as you looked over the area in awe. Scaramouche spared no expenses when it came to you and it showed in the expensive, handcrafted furniture that was given to you as well.

His eyebrow twitched in annoyance at your lack of a response and to get your attention back, he grabbed you by the cheeks and made you look at him, “Just as easily as this was given to you, it can be taken away. This is a privilege, not a right,”

“Yes, my lord, I apologize,”

Your answer was enough to suffice and he released you, but not without swiping a finger across your lips first, a sign that he was going to want more than a kiss on the cheek later.

Much to your surprise, he left you to your own vices. Saying he'd see you at dinner and to enjoy your room. Those words were by far the best thing he could ever say to you, that and “I'm sorry for thinking that I was in love with you, you're free to go.” But that would never happen.

You sat at the desk you were gifted, the chair was possibly the most comfy place you'd sat your butt. Thick and soft enough to sleep in if you truly wanted to. And you did want to. You wanted to do whatever you wanted to, because he wasn't there to stop you.

Your journal was pulled from where you'd hidden it on your body. For the longest time, your journal was your solace. It was a little booklet that you'd found in Scaramouche's office and it was where you stored your thoughts, your escape plans, where you screamed into the void and didn't let the void scream back. It was your only comfort.

The book was flipped open and placed on the desk and you began to write in it. All your thoughts, all your feelings, everything was in this book. You were never truly one for writing before you got in this situation, but after, words were all you had.

There was a gentle knock at your door. The fact that someone was knocking at all told you that it wasn't Scaramouche. Your book was placed into a drawer, the first place you could think to hide it, and you told the person to come in.

“Good evening, my lady,” a maid bowed to you. All the maids in the manor looked the same. That's because that's what Scara wanted. They had the same haircut and they wore the same clothes and shoes. When they moved around, they kept their heads lowered to obscure their faces and they all spoke in a whispery tone, it was like he'd managed to hire the exact same woman thirty times.

“Good evening,” you replied back. You didn't bow to her in return. No matter how much your husband berated and scolded you, he insisted that you were better than the employees, and that you were not to lower your head to them.

“The Lord requests your presence in the dining room,” she said in a hushed tone, “He would like to eat dinner now.”

You looked out the window, by the way the sun hung in the sky, it didn't even seem close to dinner time, “Now?” You asked with a raised eyebrow.

“The Lord will be leaving for a trip before nightfall, he wants to partake in his dinner early and he wants you there with him,”

Of course his selfishness would force you to have to eat your dinner early as well. But you didn't complain, it was not like there was anything the maid could do anyways. You stepped up from your chair and walked past her. In your disappointment and anger at having to leave your little safe space, you didn't notice that she'd lingered behind.

Scaramouche left that night after dinner, another one of those many trips he took that you weren't allowed to join him on. Fifteen nights of peace, as you called it, fifteen nights of your own thoughts and feelings.

But all good things had to come to an end, and he returned home on the sixteenth day, bearing his usual gift of a flower from whatever nation he visited and a new tea for you to drink.

“Did you miss me?” He asked with an arm around your waist and you resisted the urge to gag in his face.

“Always, my lord,” was your answer instead.

You watched as he walked up the stairs and to his office, then you went back to your own room. The whole time you were gone, that's where you tried to stay as much as possible. Between your mandatory lessons that Scaramouche made you take in etiquette and skills, there was time to sit and enjoy the peace of your room. To bask in a sunlight that felt like your own, to write in your journal without the fear of him peeking over your shoulder.

Another knock at your door and a maid stepped into your room, “Good evening, my lady. The Lord requests that you bed with him tonight.”

You sighed. That was all you could do. Just sigh and take it. In order to keep the “luxury” of your own bedroom, you had to do what he ordered. And what he ordered was his night of bedding together.

If it wasn't for his piss poor personality, stalkerish tendencies, and jealousy to the point of obsession, the indigo haired man would actually be rather attractive. That's what you thought as you stepped into his bedroom and saw him sitting on the bed, his kimono open, and his eyes on you hungrily. Skin like porcelain and sharp eyes that practically shone in moonlight.

“Come. Sit with me,” he patted the bed beside him. Your steps were with purpose, head held high while you made your way across the room. You sat next to him as he ordered, then wrapped your arms around his thin waist and rested your head on his lap, facing away from him. He didn't ask for that, but he always loved when you went above and beyond for him.

“That room of yours must be rather pleasant, you've been agreeable lately,” he spoke while patting your head.

“I enjoy it, my lord,”

He merely hummed and continued to pat you. Against your cheek, you could feel him hardening in his pants, the last sign you needed that this would not turn into a night of just sleeping until sunrise.

“Am I…satisfying you tonight, my lord,” you asked quietly and hoped that the answer would be no.

“You wish to taste the cum that makes you wish that you could slice your own tongue off?”

His words were spoken so casually, so calm and collected, that you almost didn't register what he'd said. But sure enough, he'd said it. Said a sentence that sounded familiar to you. Said something that you'd written.

“i-i apologize, my lord, but I believe I misheard you?” You began to raise your head from his lap, but his hand on the back of your head changed from loving pets to firmly gripping your hair, and your face was pushed back down.

“Misheard? No. I think I read every word correctly,” you opened your mouth to speak, but he continued talking, “Sex with me makes you disgusted, you couldn't get aroused if you tried.”

Every word made his grip on your hair get tighter and tighter, until it felt like he was going to rip your scalp from your skulls. Tears welled in your eyes. From the pain, from the fear, from the shock. He truly knew everything you'd written, even if he wasn't around.

“W-wait! Please! My lord!” You sobbed, but he didn't falter. Tears soaked the fabric of his hakama, yet his erection was still hard and twitching, your face being pushed even closer to it.

He continued to speak as he opened his pants, freeing his cock and rubbing it against your trembling lips, “But your disgust with me isn't all that's there, is it?” You whimpered as the salty precum forced its way into your mouth, mixing with your tears until you couldn't tell the taste of the two apart anymore, “Answer me!”

“N-no-” there wasn't even an opportunity to finish what you were saying, the second your mouth was open for more than crying, he forced his way into your mouth, hitting the back of your throat immediately.

“You were going to leave me weren't you. You were going to try to,” he spoke between pants as he fucked your mouth, still gripping your hair so tightly it was giving you a headache, “I'll give you credit, some of those ideas were thought on for a long time. Seducing a guard? My, aren't you a minx?”

You gagged and choked on his dick, sobbing between every thrust, but trying not to black out at the same time. Every time he fucked into the back of your throat, you saw stars behind your eyes, all you could do was breathlessly beg around his cock for him to stop, to forgive you.

Your head was held down, keeping his length all the way down your throat. The way you sputtered didn't deter him, his grip didn't loosen, even when you hit and scratched his thighs.

A tear was wiped from your eyes. A gesture that would've been considered tender, but his other actions made it seem meaningless, “You really are a stupid little thing,” he degraded you in such a sweet, but vicious tone. With your head still pressed flush against his lap, he started a slower pace of thrusting his hips up into your mouth, “You truly think that you can get away from me? That you can pretend to hate me? I'm merciful to only you, yet you don't appreciate it.”

His cock twitched inside your mouth a few times, followed by a loud groan from him. He threw his head back, gasping as his body twitched through an orgasm. His cum shot out of his cock too quickly for you to even attempt to swallow it down and there was so much, it spilled from your lips.

You could only imagine what you looked like when your head was pulled from his cock, your face covered in tears, drool, and cum. You were panting and sobbing, still trying to beg for his forgiveness.

“Your room will be locked and your little diary destroyed,” he used his still firm grip on your head to make you look at you, “You'll burn the book yourself and I want you to be the one to lock the door, it's only fair.”

Through little hics and sobs, you could only ask one question, “H-how…?” How did he know? How did he find out?

“I'll have eyes on you, always on you, for as long as you live,”

#genshin #genshin x reader #yandere genshin #yandere genshin x reader #yandere x reader #yandere genshin impact #yandere x you #yandere scaramouche x reader #yandere scaramouche #yandere smut #scaramouche x you #scaramouche x reader #smut #mdni

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mrs-monaghan · 10 months

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Hey Shaz,

sorry if this is phrased weirdly

Sometimes when anons come here bringing up the possibility of a petty jikook breakup or a breakdown of their relationship over certain things, you say "JK would never allow that to happen".

No idea if you've thought this much about it, but it's a heavy line that might say a lot about how much you believe JK regards having Jimin as his partner. Can you share what moments or traits about JK make you think he wouldn't let Jimin easily walk away?

I could definitely see a Jimin version of this too seeing how much those two adore each other lol

Hello my lovely. It always boils down to satellite Jeon for me. It always will

Did you see that?

RM got in the way and it wasn't even on purpose this time. JK just wasn't quick enough. This moment reminds me of the one I always bring up from this post. Him trying and failing. I feel bad when he fails. Especially when Jimin doesn't notice 😔

Okay so, Jimin loves JK, don't get me wrong. He loves him very, very, very much and is proud to have Jeon Jungkook as a boyfriend. That has been made very clear over the years. So me saying what I'm about to say on this post, does not mean that Jimin loves JK less or doesn't love JK as much as JK loves him. No, that's not it at all and I beg you to not think that that's what I'm saying, at all. Jimin is just as dedicated and committed to the rlship. They both are.

But, it is of my personal opinion that if they broke up it would destroy JK. Jimin would be heartbroken and devastated too but it would hit JK harder.

Now, idk if this spectrum thing is true, but we have seen evidence that points to the fact that Jimin is JK's rock. 1300% When I use the words safe space here, I am not using them lightly. I take satellite Jeon very, very seriously. That my dear is a need not a want.

Now forget about Jimin touching on JK's neck for... sexual reasons

That definitely made JK's dick twitch. For sure. It's the finger placement and how deep he's pressing. It's JK's face. There is nothing innocent about that touch 👆🏽 which explains why it affected JK the way it did. Mans was super confused. Stood up for nothing before sitting back down. But I digress.

If we could all turn to page 13 of our Jikook books we will find this moment here.

An anon brought this up recently but I can't find that ask. Anyhu, the director wanted JK to relax and of course Jimin knew how to get him there. Which, what?

The thing about watching Jikook moments over and over and over is that they start to become just sweet or adorable or cute... they become normal. But, my dear anon there is nothing normal about Jimin knowing exactly where to massage in order to relax JK. There is something about Jimin when it comes to JK's neck because he always finds a reason to touch that neck. There is more than enough compilations of this.

Suffice to say, JK's neck is hella sensitive and his man knows this. As he should. But my main point remains that Jimin knew exactly what to do to relax JK. And that's just a scratch of the surface when we think about just how much Jimin knows about JK.

The post i linked above for the satellite Jeon moment is about what happened with JK when Jimin was busy during FACE era. How it was clearly affecting JK. Maybe even physically. Jimin's absence was affecting him.

Y'all just stop for a second and think about that. Jimin's absence was affecting JK. That's... thats big. That's fucking huge.

Anyone else ever wonder if BTS almost disbanding in 2018 had anything at all to do with Jikook? Like I know they have all talked about how they were overworking and it got to be too much. The fame got to be too much. But was there other factors that couldn't be brought up? Y'all ever wonder about that?

I am reminded of this post by a friend of mine and I'm inclined to agree with her. That maybe, just maybe JK was naive enough to think now that he was essentially an adult they could be more open. But instead they were pushed further into the closest. What's that thing he said that he also started singing about? About how he can finally take off his uniform?

While it sounds like a sexual innuendo, idk. There is something about that whole "FINALLY!"

Look at his face 😂😂😂 its either JK hated school and was glad to have been done with it or it was about Jikook. Or both. As we all know there is alot of questionable things that take place on this day. But either way I agree with my friend up there that JK thought things were going to change after graduation but instead they didn't. Thus why he started being loud in 2018 onwards.

Back to the disbanding, I've always wondered if BTS thought hiding Jikook wasn't sustainable. Its alot of work keeping such a secret. I mean, look at the amount of slip ups. From all of them. And so I often wonder if this affected the Jikook rlship in any way. If over the years their rlship has ever put their group in a difficult position. A position where they thought about halting the breaks on their rlship. And I can see something like this coming from Jimin. Self sacrificing Jimin who puts other people's happiness before his own. And I wonder if this could have affected JK... badly. I'm not saying it happened. It's just something I can see happen. Aint no way the Jikook rlship hasn't caused trouble for all of them at one point or another.

I digressed. But y'all should be used to it by now 😂😂

In 2019 it was rumoured that it was Jimin's idea for them to spend their holidays separately. I already talked about it here how this affected JK. He went along with it, of course. I mean, its what Jimin wanted so of course JK went along with it. But to me it seems like JK would have been just fine being with Jimin over the holidays even though they were always together at work.

I've mentioned before how fascinating it is that they lived together and yet when they got to work JK was fighting to stand next to Jimin or was cheating so they could be on the same team. Like damn. You left the same house and are gonna take the same car to go and sleep in the same bed how do you still want to spend all your time with Jimin at work too????? No wonder Jimin wanted them to have a break from eo that holiday. It's not healthy. U need space.

You see what I mean, anon?

RM and Jin are two members we've seen complain that JK won't come out with them. (Jin in BV4 and RM in a recent live) I'm sure Suga would too but... I don't think they're that close 😂😂 (y'all know how I feel about Yoonkook. Don't start with me) As for V I'm pretty sure they're hanging out is a recent development. And I'm almost positive it's Jimin's doing. Then there's Jhope. Yes, 3J are close. But Jhope is Jimin's bestfriend. So he's gonna be around. But without Jimin, I feel like JK wouldn't bother.

Like, to me, in my opinion, it seems like when it comes to JK, Jimin is enough. He don't need other people. And I can see Jimin pushing him to make other friends, hang out with other people, etc. Wasn't the 97 liners first public appearance in 2019? Which is when Jimin suggested they do their own thing? I know they knew eo way before that. But JK must not have been spending time with them for Jimin to suggest they do their own thing.

See what I mean?

And let's not forget about JK coming live when Jimin leaves the country. When bae is gone, thats when the man remembers we exist 🤭🤭 but hey, I'm not mad at it.

Like I said my dear, it all comes down to satellite Jeon. I'm not saying JK can't live without Jimin but I think that's what he believes. That's why he's so protective and territorial coz he can't afford to lose Jimin.

I've brought up how all members have been caught thirsting over other men and women including Jimin but there is no footage out there that exists of JK checking out another person. I mean, he has eyes, he sees other attractive guys but Jimin seems to be the only one that does it for him. Not that I blame him, of course.

@yuelight98 I have said alot of words but I hope I have answered your question; Jikook are interdependent....there's no question about it. But, JK more than Jimin....

I know there are Jikookers who don't like Satellite Jeon. Usually they're the JK biased Jkkrs. And I get it. They think JK needs Jimin too much and wish he was more independent. But I think he is. To some extent. Or at least he's gotten better. And no, I dont think it makes him look weak at all. If anything we should be happy he is attached to the right person. A person who has the kindest soul and would never do anything to hurt him. A person who loves him back and takes great care of him. Maybe you wish JK didn't need Jimin so much. But I believe he's in good hands. Jimin fucking loves that man

Has adored him since the beginning

And he would do anything for him.

Trust.

#jikook theories #jikook theory #ask shaz #bts ask #jikook #kookmin #minkook #jimin and jungkook #satellite jeon #whipped jk #whipped jungkook #jikook is real #if jikook isn't real then neither I'm i #bts #jimin #jungkook #park jimin #jeon jungkook

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ambrosialdesire · 2 months

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OMG i would like to request yandere bertolt x paradis reader.you can pick whatever part of the timeline you want, maybe he managed to survive to take her to marly, or maybe she just tried to escape on marly or paradis, or maybe he just kidnapped her I don't really care

Thank you

desiderate

18+ DARK CONTENT BELOW, MINORS AND BLANK BLOGS DNI

pairing: s4 bertolt x fem!reader word count: 9.5k warnings + tags: general yandere and obsessive themes, unhealthy relationships, some explicit sexual content, s4 bertolt au, implied non-con, violence, kidnapping mention, stalking, forced kissing (kinda dubcon), slight groping, kinda masochistic bertolt, cigarette usage/smoking, blood kink, knife kink, slight voyeurism, male masturbation mention, panty jerking off mention (?), slight body mutilation, scarification implications, all characters are 18+ synopsis: they've brought you here on this foreign land, a land that was once believed to be completely overrun with monsters. you've been living pretty easy with this new life of yours but it's hard to forget about what he's done to your old home. this singular man, capable of complete destruction despite his nervous demeanor. there may be humans here but the true monster still remained, watching your every move until he was ready to strike. a/n: IM NGL IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO REQUEST BERTOLT LMFAO i made bro a creep cause i feel like between bertie and reiner, bertie definitely has the tendency to be lurking and stalking behind corners and constantly following you and finding to opportunity to snatch your underwear to jerk off into LOL the reference that i used for s4 bertolt is this fanart that was used in a tiktok edit but i have no idea who made the art and it's making me scream bc it's definitely how i imagine what he looks like (but with thicker chin stubble) and i want to give the right creds (if you look up s4 bertolt/bertholdt fanart on google and see a tiktok image of him smoking, that's what i'm talking about but i want to give actual creds to the artist) also mb on the smoking scenes idk how it feels to smoke but i do sorta know the distinct smell of it this is also in no way connected to the cacoëthes series just to let yall know hehe i hope you enjoy this anon! thank sm for your request!! and sorry for the wait LOL note: please keep in mind of the tags above and do not proceed if triggering or uncomfortable, especially if you are a minor!! do not read my or any other writers' dark content if you are underaged. this is a fictional work and does not reflect irl morals, do not believe this is how a real romance works or functions.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.───

"Call off your damn hound Reiner, I'm getting sick of his shit."

Pushing past the blond as you entered his home, you made your way to his dining table. You huffed as you sat down, leaning back against the chair as your boot-covered legs kicked up on the wooden table. Reiner rolled his eyes, pushing them back down to the ground with a heavy thud. He crossed his arms, leaning on the wall adjacent from where you sat.

"A hello first would suffice. What's Bertolt getting himself into again?"

"My business!" Exasperated, you threw your hands over your face. "He keeps fucking following me and it's starting to freak me out. You guys know I'm not suspicious anymore, there's no way for me to be able to contact Paradis Island at all."

Saying your old home's name had started to feel foreign on your tongue unfortunately. It's been over four years since you've been whisked away by these two assholes and living here has been nothing but a thorn on your side. You worked under the Warrior Unit, mostly a simple soldier for both Bertolt and Reiner to boss around for basic things. It's nothing different from your time as a scout but it's frustrating working for them instead of with them.

You don't know why they took you away with them instead of breaking out their other accomplice, Annie, but after a handful of screaming, punching, kicking, and biting from you, they managed to drag you off to the boat. You stayed there for an estimated week or so with random strangers coming and going, poking and prodding at you as if you were one of Hange's experiments on Eren and randomly caught Titans.

The two of them finally came back one random night unconscious, battered and beaten to the point where their Titan healing powers couldn't even help them fast enough. You needed them alive — how else were you going to manage escaping this unknown place of theirs — so you helped tend to their wounds, staying at their sides until they were finally awake.

Once they were conscious enough, you punched Reiner square on the nose, spinning around to smash your knuckles right into Bertolt's cheek. Your hand was throbbing in pain but the burning fury you felt was stronger. By the time they woke up, the boat already was leaving the docks, and now you were most likely already miles away from home.

"You fucking assholes."

Blood was dripping down his nose, while a cut just barely formed on the bruised skin of the other. It was in vain however. Steam was steadily coming out of the two of them, meaning that the healing was back in working condition.

"FUCK! I didn't even say anything yet!" Reiner scowled as he placed his hands around his nose, snapping it back in place with a nauseating crack.

Bertolt laid there quietly however, lanky fingers brushing against the welt on his face but he was unable to meet your stare. Tears started streaming down your face, your body crumpling to the floor. You were completely hurt, you trusted these two like they were family, especially Bertolt. Was he really who you thought he was? How could they do this to you? To everyone back in Paradis?

"Why? Why me?"

The two of them fell even more silent, Reiner looking up at the ceiling while Bertolt closed his eyes shut as if he was the one that was currently going through it.

"Well say something goddamnit! Why am I here?" You were beyond angry, voice crackling from how loud you were screaming at them. "Tell me!"

Bertolt finally opened his eyes, pale green staring into yours. You couldn't see him. There was only the Colossal Titan looking down at you as if you were nothing but an insignificant speck on the wall. He opened his mouth, uttering remorselessly one phrase that made you even more resentful of their entire beings.

"I'm sorry."

Now you were here after long months of being processed and interviewed over and over by many Marleyan higher-ups, eventually and finally gaining their trust. You knew they still didn't like you but who really gives a shit, they left you alive and that's all you could be grateful for.

Since you directly worked underneath the two Titan shifters, they were able to get you housing and some basic supplies for you to be able to function properly in their society, as well as a good amount of pocket money to buy whatever you needed. You didn't go out of the house for a month though, still horribly and rightfully angry at them. You were also afraid of the idea that you'd get mobbed immediately once you stepped out and killed on sight by the locals.

Bertolt was the one that finally knocked on your door, tired and baggy eyes focused on the peephole. Part of you wanted to keep the door closed and ignore his presence, but he might report you or something stupidly petty. When you opened it up, the faint waft of bitter tobacco invaded your senses, nose wrinkling at the unfamiliar smell.

As you looked up at him, he felt and looked even more like a stranger than a past friend. It's only been a month but it looked like he had gotten broader at the shoulders and taller. He was wearing a beige uniform, a white undershirt and black tie peeking out of the chest of the long, belted trench coat. His black hair was partially pushed back with gel, slightly being more grown out from the last time you saw him. The way he held himself now in Marley was completely different from Paradis, an eerie calmness surrounding his person. He used to hunch into himself when he was a trainee and a soldier, but now his back was rigid and straight, arms hidden neatly behind his back. The posture reminded you of the utmost dedicated soldiers in the Scout Regiment.

"You haven't been going to work." He softly spoke, his head slightly tilting to the side.

"So?"

"Failure to comply means termination. Termination means you'll get kicked out of Marley. Getting kicked out of Marley means death." Alright, straight to the point. Even the way he was speaking sounded different, as if he had suddenly gained a newfound confidence that was only present here in his homeland.

"You guys really thought I was able to function properly in a new continent where everything is different in a few months? Not to mention, I'm still pissed off at the two of you but fine. I'll come in tomorrow. Goodbye." You proceeded to close the door on him but he stopped it with his boot. Groaning under your breath, you tried pushing at the door so he could back off, but it was to no avail.

His hand grabbed the side of the door and heaved it open with little struggle, letting himself in as you toppled back into the ground from the force.

"You haven't been going out at all. When's the last time you bought groceries?" You flinched, avoiding his judging gaze. How did he know?

"Last month." You muttered as you got up from the ground, brushing yourself off.

Bertolt sighed, glancing off to the side. "Okay. I'll wait here for 15 minutes. Go get dressed and get your money, I'll help you navigate the markets."

You didn't want to but food was definitely running low, and you don't know how long the canned meat in your pantry was going to last in your anger-riddled protest. You made your way upstairs, rummaging through the closet and grabbing the cleanest clothes you were able to find and put on within the time limit he gave. Making your way back down, you found him in the exact same spot, his eyes glancing around the living room.

"Alright. Let's go and we're going to make it quick. I don't think I can stomach standing next to you for this long." You bitterly grumbled, moodily pulling the door open. Bertolt followed after, closing the door for you and taking the lead. What sucked even more was how quickly you had to dash after him, his steps being too large for you to have a steady pace next to him. Maybe him being a near giant compared to a normal person — you noticed as the two of you walked through crowds of people — was thanks to the Titan DNA.

Each passerby gave you a look as you walked on through but never spared a second glance, which was good. You knew that you were an unfamiliar being, a foreigner that was never supposed to be here in the first place. The farmer's market was still open, vegetables and fruits neatly lined up in each stall. He did most of the talking, being able to haggle easier due to his status and the blaring armband that wrapped around his upper arm. You didn't like having to be publicly labeled, it felt like you were merely a product rather than a person.

You were focusing on a stall with jars of honey and jams when some person suddenly shoved you aside with their shoulder, body suddenly losing its balance due to the amount of groceries you were holding on one arm. You prepared for the impact of the cobbled ground but never felt it, instead feeling a firm hand snug in-between your curve of your side and another on your shoulder.

"Careful now." You opened your eyes, meeting his in shock once he steadied you back on your feet. Bertolt's face soon turned to a bright red, his hands quickly leaving you, and his gaze glancing away. Perhaps there really is still some semblance of the man you knew in your homeland.

"Th-thanks..." Adjusting the bag stiffly back up your arms, you proceeded forwards without him, leaving him behind at the stall. It became a usual thing eventually, he'd come over every two weeks to make sure you were fine and the two of you would go out buying your necessities for an hour or two. It didn't erase the fact that you still hated them, but at least he was helping you get comfortable in this strange new world.

You finally started going to work as promised, wearing an awkward and stuffy white uniform that made even the tangling straps of the cadet uniform pale in comparison. According to the paper that came with the uniform, you were to report to Reiner and Bertolt in one of the headquarters' rooms. However, the details were so vague that you were completely lost in the beginning, roaming the hallways without a clue where you were heading.

"Soldier. Face me."

You stiffened, turning around and straightening up. The tall man was vaguely familiar, a full blond beard lining his face and round spectacles hiding his eyes. His right hand raised up as if he was saying hello and you quickly returned the gesture, somewhat remembering that it was their version of a salute.

"Name and ranking?"

"Y/N L/N, er... I'm not sure of my ranking sir. I just know I'm assigned to work for the Vice Captain and one of the Warriors?" You shuffled your feet awkwardly and he nodded, gesturing his hand for you to follow him. He started scratching his ear as he walked, as if he was in thought. To you, he really felt familiar but you couldn't quite place where the feeling belonged.

"Ah yes," His eyes glanced at you, the blue color peeking out from behind the glasses. "Now I remember. You're Reiner and Bertolt's human souvenir from the devil island, aren't you?"

Is that what they called you? And how dare he call your home a devil island! A bubble of anger was rising within you, but you didn't want to take it out on the older man that was helping you find your way. He had to be a higher-up based on his demeanor and you'd rather not get in more trouble.

"...Yes sir, I am."

"You were supposed to be here a month ago." You cringed internally but nodded slowly.

"It's my fault sir. I've only been here for a few months and everything is too... new. I hope my absence didn't affect anything." The man simply hummed, stopping at a door with the words 'WARRIORS UNIT' neatly carved into the wood. You pulled the door for him, letting him saunter in before you entered.

"I found your little pet, you two." His hand pressed against the small of your back, pushing you forwards towards a table where the two of them sat. They looked completely exhausted and were partially bandaged up, quietly sparing a glance at you with a short wave.

You settled yourself in-between them, about to thank the man for helping you but he was already stepping away, going outside to light up a cigarette.

"Don't mind Zeke, he's just... eccentric like that. Hope he didn't offend you." Reiner pushed a pile of papers towards you to sort once you turned back to them, saying something about piling them from who sent them; the important files being from the commander and the Marleyan superiors and the unimportant files being from other soldiers. It slowly dawned on you that you became some sort of assistant to them, a glorified secretary for their war schemes.

"It's nothing too difficult, you're lucky to get this kind of work compared to us and the other Eldian soldiers." Bertolt slightly smiled, continuing to read a paper in his hands and you sighed quietly, beginning to sort. Part of you was grateful you didn't have to face war anymore, but the other part didn't want to be treated differently. Maybe the Marleyans thought that you'd defect once you were on the field or kill as many as you can with a weapon in your hands, going out in a blaze of glory. You never held a gun before though and it was most likely that everyone in this military could shoot you down before you could aim it at one person.

An hour or two passed by and you finished up the sorting, neatly tapping them together. It really wasn't a difficult task at all, were they going to make you do something else for today? You quietly waited for any orders, the two focused on their own thing until Reiner suddenly got up.

"I'll go get lunch for us. Y/N, you can relax for now, there's nothing else we need from you today. Good work." He ruffled the top of your head playfully, just like he did before after a training session in the corps. The blond soon left the room, leaving only Bertolt and you alone.

The two of you sat in silence, your hands fiddling with the seams of your uniform. Was sorting the only thing you're going to be doing during your time here? You'd quit within the month if that was the case but if not, maybe in due time you'll save enough money to open up your own shop. You've always wanted to sell clothing back in Paradis, just like your mother and father.

"You look good in the uniform." Bertolt finally mumbled out, the sound of a paper flipping over barely making it audible. You slightly flushed at the comment, diverting your attention to the closest wall in sight.

"Really? I feel like a wet cotton ball, it's so uncomfortable. The scouts uniform is way better." You grumbled, tugging at the cloth around your legs.

He slightly laughed at that, shaking his head. "No way. The scouts uniform was too tight, not to mention the straps were always so difficult to put on."

"Maybe it's cause you're a literal giant compared to everyone there. I just know they had to customize a whole other set for your ass." He snorted and started laughing, dropping the paper in his hand. You couldn't help but let out a few chuckles as well, crossing your arms together. The two of you bantered for a little bit longer and just for a second, it felt like you were right back home in the training corps canteen.

Everything fuzzed out in your hearing and you soon found yourself comparing home to here. The smells were different, not quite fresh as the countryside air and had a more smoky tone with every breath you took. The sights were different, more machinery was seen rather than grassy fields and trees. The people were different, there was no one recognizable to chat with besides your kidnappers. Everything here had entirely evolved and you were being forced to adapt to it. The realization made you feel a drop in your stomach, tears beginning to form in the corners of your eyes.

"Bertolt."

"Hm?"

"I want to go back home." Your voice was meek, heavy droplets falling down and staining the white fabric beneath you. His body stiffened and he got up from his chair, almost slamming it into the table when he pushed it in.

"This is your home." He responded coldly, a singe of irritation trailing off his words as he left the room, slamming the heavy door shut. You started to sob quietly, tightly holding onto the sides of your sleeved arms.

No it wasn't, and Bertolt knew it too.

‘•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’

Your work schedule was simple: Monday to Wednesday from 9:30 am to 6 pm, you served the Warrior Unit. Every other day, you could do whatever you wanted and that was that. The pay was pretty good for a livable wage, but nothing special. No task you were given from Reiner or Zeke was too difficult either, it was usually just sending out letters to their superiors or sorting anything they wanted you to sort. To be honest, it felt like they were just tolerating you since the Marley government didn't want to deal with you anymore. It sucked but it's better than being belly-up in the ocean.

You haven't tried to make amends with Bertolt after that day because one, it was his fault so why would you apologize anyways and two, he hasn't been around that often in the office space. Reiner explained to you that there will be days, sometimes weeks or months where some or none of them will be here. Apparently when they came back with the failure to retrieve the Founding Titan, the loss of Annie and her Titan, and the inability to capture Eren's special Titan, some nations came together and declared war on Marley.

"Hopefully it won't be so often that we're going to be gone for long. Wouldn't want to have you sit at home and do nothing." Reiner teased with a slight nudge against your arm before downing his glass of liquor.

"I do nothing even when working. Maybe I'll pick up some new hobbies when you guys are gone, like knitting or cross-stitching."

Maybe you can give the creations to your neighbors since you were just doing it for fun. One of them is an expectant mother and since you had moved in, she had been nothing but kind to you. It would be nice to give something to her in return.

"Alright grandma." You elbowed his side hard, rolling your eyes. He grunted and started rubbing the affected area, grumbling under his breath about your temper.

"Where's Bertolt? Aren't you guys inseparable?" He suddenly cleared his throat, adjusting himself in his seat. Back in the training corps and the short time in the Survey Corps, you've rarely seen the two separated. Wherever Reiner went, Bertolt followed suit.

"Probably caught up in something. He'll be here soon, he never cancels without notice." He waved his hand dismissively and you thought none the wiser, tracing your finger around the rim of your glass before taking a swig.

"Already missing him?" You suddenly choked on the liquor, throat burning at the sensation. No way. No way in hell, you'd ever miss him. He could get swallowed up by another Pure Titan and you wouldn't even bat an eye. You'd laugh instead, basking in the blood that would gush out of his torn corpse.

Before you could even say anything back, a soft voice popped into the conversation. "Missing who?"

The two of you turned and there stood Marley's behemoth, still dressed to the nines in his uniform. Reiner greeted him happily, ignoring the question completely, turning towards the bartender and ordering another scotch for his friend. Bertolt settled right next to you, taking the glass in his hand and drinking up the entire thing in one go, some liquid spilling out of the corner of his lips. He quickly wiped it up with his thumb, his tongue peeking out and licking the remnants away. His cold green eyes glanced down at you suddenly, catching you staring at him.

A flush of heat went through your skin, quickly looking away to stare into your partially-full glass. The drinks kept on coming, the haze of alcohol filling everyone's systems. You were the least intoxicated, slowly taking in the new attitudes and information from your drunk companions. It wasn't much but they became more chatty, opening up about their lives before Paradis.

"I joined because of my mother." Reiner moved his glass towards the bartender, his head leaned up against his arm as he watched the brown liquid fill up his cup.

"Oh yeah?" He nodded, taking a sip from the newly refilled glass before speaking once more.

"She had high hopes that our family would've been whole again. Me, her, and my father. He's, uh—" He cleared his throat, turning his attention towards you. A faint dust of pink rested on his cheeks, a cheeky smile growing. "He's a Marley-blooded man, so y'know... I'm not really supposed to..."

"Exist." You muttered as you finished his sentence and he let out a soft laugh, nodding lightly before downing his drink again.

"Harsh, but more or less, you could say that's it. Compared to me though," The black-haired man closed his eyes, huffing softly. "Bertolt here is more tragic."

Curious but puzzled, you turned your attention towards him, his hand running through his gelled locks and he mumbled something under his breath before taking a shot. You did wonder a bit about how this man turned out to be the worst attacker on Paradis Island's humanity, it felt sickening thinking about a sweet little boy being trained into a horrid monster.

"You know I hate talking about it Reiner." The blond snorted, turning on his chair and leaning back on the bar's counter.

"C'mon. Let her in on your situation, after all—" He stood up, walking over to him and placing his hand over his shoulder, leaning in close to his ear that you almost barely caught what he said.

"You owe her that much."

Reiner made his way to the bathroom, leaving the two of you alone once more together. The thought of trying to decipher what he meant flew past your inebriated mind and so you sat in silence, instead thinking that you might as well make your way home now. It was probably already past midnight, and you were sure that you were waking up late with a massive headache. As you finalized your decision, turning in your stool and towards the door without a goodbye, the thump of glass hitting wood snapped you out of it.

"I was raised only by my dad." Bertolt started and you slowly turned back towards the counter, your full attention on him.

"Don't know what happened to my mom, he never really told me and I was never curious enough to ask. It was just the two of us for as long as I knew but even as a kid that could barely read, I knew that he wasn't... okay." His fists clenched together and you could hear the cracks of his joints from how tightly he was gripping.

"When you're born an Eldian and live in the farthest parts of the internment camps, medicine is hard to get by and treatment is even more difficult to obtain. The minute I became eligible to join, I took the opportunity." You don't know what compelled you in the moment, but you placed a hand on one of his fists. He started relaxing once he realized that you were touching him, still stiff as he reminisced further.

"Did they give him the meds?" Bertolt nodded, taking in a shallow breath.

"A few days right after I inherited the Colossal, they started giving him everything they promised and he was getting better day by day. It wasn't until I left for our mission in Paradis that his condition evolved into something worse." You swallowed nervously, slipping your fingers into his and holding his massive hand gently. His head turned towards you, his eyes soft as he looked into your gaze.

You've never seen or heard him be so vulnerable before, guilt forming in the pit of your stomach. For him, he was fighting a one-sided war against your home, all because he wanted to take care of his dad. Yet in return, he caused the displacement of so many from their families, ripping them apart with a few kicks into the walls.

"When Zeke came on Paradis and we finally met up, I asked him about my dad and he told me that despite all the medicine and treatment that he's been getting, he wasn't getting any better. I had to see him again, no matter if I had failed the original mission or not. I couldn't die on that island without being able to see him again and I just barely made it. Sometimes the way we escaped made me wonder how I even made it out of there. It was only for a few months that I got to spend with him once we came back, but he passed away in his sleep last month."

His hand tightened around yours, though not enough to break it. No wonder he started to look more disheveled and exhausted recently, his whole reason for getting where he is was now gone. You pitied him but that didn't excuse the murders of thousands he did in your homeland. At the same time, it didn't mean that you should bring that major fact up, not when he was currently grieving.

"I'm sorry Bertolt."

"It's alright, you don't have to pity me. I have more to be sorry about towards you and the others. I'll never be able to properly make it up, nothing I'll ever do will be enough to wash away the blood on my hands."

The two of you sat there in silence, a warm hand around one cold hand. You really should leave now, before Reiner comes back and you'll be stuck drinking even more than you wanted to. You attempted to finally slide off the wooden seat, but he clenched your hand gently and tugged you towards him instead. Your eyes fluttered in both confusion and tiredness as you stood in front of his sitting frame. Blinking once, his face appeared right in front of yours. His free hand slid behind and rested against the nape of your neck, feeling thin but calloused fingertips tenderly brush against the skin as he pulled you even closer.

Okay... this was getting a little too weird for your liking. Beginning to open your mouth to verbalize your annoyance and trying to move back, he then took the opportunity to press his lips against yours.

You could taste the alcohol that the three of you had been previously been consuming intertwine with the tobacco's bitterness of the cigarettes he used, a vagueness of something sweet brushing up against your tongue as he tried to coax you into returning the action. His stubble was rough against your skin the more he moved, digging deeper as he pressed further into your mouth.

You had half the mind to bite that damn muscle of his, but the warmth of both the alcohol and him was stupefying, hypnotizing. It felt like you were melting against him, a warmth pooling in your stomach and in-between your thighs. Slowly, you convinced yourself to return the kiss, gravitating into his embrace. It was stupid of you to do considering you hate the guy but hey, who doesn't do stupid shit every now and then? Fuck, you even started wrapping your arms around his neck and shoulders.

There wasn't much people in the bar anyways, either too drunk off their minds to care or simply ignoring the disgusting couple intertwining themselves in the public space. The bartender was off chatting with another patron, most likely used to the sight of a couple making their passion uncomfortably known to others. It's the Colossal Titan user, who on Marley dared tried to say something about it?

The hand that once was holding yours, grabbed at the crook of your back to draw you even more impossibly near him, then sliding down towards the curve of your ass. To your utmost surprise, he clutched and squeezed at the flesh firmly, feeling you up with this sudden confidence that you would never thought of him having before.

"Annie."

Sobriety hit you like a cold bucket of water splashing onto you once you heard her name slip through his swollen lips, taking no time to immediately shove the man right off of you. He just told you his story, that his dad had just died last month, and here he was, kissing and groping you and then suddenly calling out Annie's name. You were breathing hard, eyes wide as saucers as you stared down at him in shock.

"What the fuck? What the fuck!?"

Bertolt's hand reached out to you, as if he was trying to make you lift him back up. You've never felt so nauseated to hear those very words come out of his lips as a valid apology, like it was no big deal.

"I love you."

You ran.

You ran out of the bar, into the blackened sea of night, never once looking back. If you did, you were afraid of what you might see in his eyes or if he was chasing after you. With tears lingering in the corners of your eyes, one single thought remained.

Out of everyone in the squadron, why did it have to be him?

‘•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’

For a month and a half the day after what happened, you never saw Bertolt in the office or around the internment zone.

It was probably the first time him and Reiner were ever separated for this long, the blond telling you that it was his own decision to be sent off into the battlefield alone. You wondered if he told him what he did to you after he came back from the bathroom, or excused why he was on the floor and why you were gone. Reiner never said anything about the incident, so it soon faded in the back of your mind into obscurity.

He wasn't your first kiss anyways, some now-dead nobody trainee back in the day was, and the two of you were drunk, stupid shit happens. Part of you also somewhat knew about Bertolt's fondness for the Female Titan user, originally not knowing about how close they were previously, but damn it. For a heated moment to be ruined like that left a sour taste in your mouth, and you couldn't help but hate him even more for it.

"He's back."

"Who?" Reiner's fist came down on the top of your head playfully, catching your attention from the paperwork.

"Y'know who. Better talk to him now before he passes out from exhaustion from the looks of it. Also, because I know you miss him~" He teased and you swatted his fist off of you, watching him as he walked off towards the main room laughing, leaving you with a pit in your stomach. You really didn't want to talk to him, even if a month had passed on by, but legally, he was your superior. Professionalism before personal feelings unfortunately.

You finally got up, walking slowly to the destination before taking in a deep breath and entering the medical unit. Bertolt was near an open window, a lit cigarette lazily nestled in-between his fingers as he stared out of it. He was the only person there and you swore that every time you saw him, he started to look more unrecognizable from his previous cadet days. His hair wasn't slicked back anymore, falling at the front of his eyes; in fact, you thought it might've grown out a little more from the last time you saw him. The Titan marks were still prominent on his face, like he had just transformed not long ago.

Wiping your clammy hands on your puffy uniform, you approached him, pulling up a chair nearby the bed and sitting down stiffly.

"Welcome back sir."

His head turned towards you and you swore that you felt the room grow colder as he gazed into you through the black strands of his messy hair. Maybe you were the only one that noticed, but his eyes were dead, hollow but still held some sharpness in those pale green irises. This was no longer the Bertolt you knew, this was a numbed man that got mentally thrown and torn apart in the arms of the constant war, the constant transforming, and the constant murder of many.

"Hit me."

"E-excuse me?" He must’ve gotten faster because you didn't realize how quickly he grabbed you until he pushed the palm against his healing skin. It was burning to the touch, as if you were right next to a blazing bonfire. Instinctively, you started to try and wiggle out of his grip but he held steady.

"Hit. Me." Bertolt's grip grew stronger around your wrist, fear creeping in through every cell in your body as you watched the surrounding skin pale from how hard he was holding. "That's an order."

You swallowed but nodded quickly in agreement, just so he can let go of you before any bones shatter. He immediately released you straight away, the action as fast as he previously took ahold of you and took a hit of the nearly burnt out stick. You had to hype yourself up for it, thinking back on every rotten memory you’ve had with him, balling up your fist and striking him as hard as possible where he originally placed your hand. The force made his head swing the other way, the cigarette butt dropping on the ground as your knuckles throbbed in agony. It was like directly punching a stony wall, not like the previous time you punched him on the boat to Marley.

You let go of the breath you didn’t even know you were holding, straightening back up as you held onto your wounded hand. "And how do you feel, Bertolt?"

Bertolt’s body didn’t move, but his hand began to slowly trailing up to the injury, pressing his fingers against the forming bruise. You flinched as he pushed his hair back to where you could finally see his eyes, exhaling the smoke that he previously took in through his nostrils. He glanced over in your direction and let out a soft chuckle, although you noticed that it didn't quite reach those dull eyes of his. There was one thought that lingered in your mind as you stared back into his gaze, that he must've gone crazy fighting in the frontlines.

"Good hit, make me bleed next time." ...What? "Though, I'm surprised that you decided to visit after... what we did the last time we saw each other."

Recovering quickly from trying to process what he just said at first, you cleared your throat, crossing your arms. "The Vice Captain requested me to visit his right hand man, who am I to refuse his wishes?"

He simply hummed in response, reaching for another cigarette in his pocket and his lighter. Placing the unlit stick at the side of his mouth, his eyes caught yours once more, a slight smirk forming. "When'd you start talking like the soldiers? You forget the years we've spent together already since I've been gone, or did you finally get in trouble for treating us like equals?"

You scoffed, pulling your lips in a thin line. "You're the one that gave me an order earlier, and I've had a recent revelation that I had to start acting like a subordinate rather your friend or buddy or whatever the fuck we are, so yeah, I guess it's the latter."

"Ahh, better watch your language then or I'll have to report you for profanity against a superior." Bertolt was of course joking, the mocking tone intertwining with his words. As you felt your eyebrow twitch in annoyance, the sound of lighter clicked and ignited, your eyes watching him pull the flame near.

"Y'know..." He started as he took in a drag, leaning his head back towards the ceiling and soon exhaling the smoke out slowly. "I've been thinking about you the entire time I was gone."

A heaviness plopped itself back on your shoulders, and you wanted nothing more but to excuse yourself out of his premises. You were about to say something to leave him alone, but he kept on talking, droning on and on about how he was counting down the days when he could finally see your face again. Bertolt mentioned that you were the only reason he kept on fighting, why he kept on killing so his commanders could see that he was doing such a swell job as their loyal Titan holder and let him leave early. What a horrible ideology, most of those people could've been innocents.

"And another thing, I kept thinking back on the kiss we shared that month ago." All the color drained from your face, turning and taking a step back to try and run, but felt his hand grasp onto the fabric right against your back. His voice had the same disdainfulness as before, a demandingness that you didn't even know he had in himself to project.

"Don't leave and turn back around. That is an order."

You grit your teeth, finally turning back around once he let go of your uniform and find him standing, his tall stature hovering over you. Nervousness crawled up your spine, flinching once you felt his cold fingers reach over to caress your jaw, tilting your head up to look at him. His eyes scanned your face, inspecting your features quietly before taking another drag of his cigarette. He then neared your face and press his lips against yours.

Recoiling at the abrupt kiss, you tried to push him away but the grip on your face was painfully tight, almost akin to the hold on your wrist earlier. You could do nothing but endure this assault, a slight whimper slipping out as the soreness of your face grew.

Bertolt's tongue brushed against your lips, trying to coax you into opening them. You might as well obey, just to get this over with and the fact that you were running out of oxygen at an alarming rate. Once you did, he pushed the smoke in your mouth as he deepened the kiss, the burn in your lungs and in your throat getting worse. In a panic, you bit down as hard as possible to free yourself, the taste of iron combining with the bitter nicotine. You quickly doubled over and started coughing, watching in tears as vague smoke came out of your mouth with every heave and breath.

"Ah." You peered up at Bertolt from within your teary vision, the tips of his fingers on his lips and pressing against the wound you inflicted. It was deep from what you're able to see, but already started to heal itself. Yet, that's not what at all made you run out the room in distress, almost vomiting into the bushes once you stepped foot out of the building.

You watched in mortified horror as he smeared the crimson around his lips and chin, a seemingly euphoric and satisfied expression reflecting on those pale green eyes of his. He looked down at your frozen form, crouching down and reaching over to your face with his bloodied fingers. A small whimper slipped out as he smeared the substance on your mouth, a hungry grin forming.

"Isn't this a beautiful sight? My blood on your lips, I wonder if I can make you bleed for me soon." It felt like he wasn't supposed to say it aloud, but maybe he wanted you to hear, to have a taste of what his true self was like. That thought alone made you run out, leaving him on the ground once again.

This time, you had to make sure you'd never see the sick fuck ever again.

‘•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’

And this brings you back to the beginning, in Reiner's home completely agitated and frightened for your life.

The past few months, Bertolt resumed his normal duties along Reiner and you; although you limited your interactions with one another, you can’t help but notice that he was following you everywhere. Not just at work, but the times where you were on your breaks, going out to eat, shopping for groceries or clothes, even in your own home; you saw him. You barely caught him sometimes, he'd disappear in a blink once you tried to get in a second glance to confirm who you saw.

He lingered behind corners, staring at you with such a frightening glimmer in those dull eyes of his. He was usually expressionless as he stared into your very soul, not a single crooked smile or the usual slight upwards curve of his eyes. Nothing, absolutely nothing. And the strangest part was that he never said a word, just... stared. Sometimes he just stood there right in the public's view, crowds of people passing besides him without a single glance towards the weirdo in their way.

There was nothing you could do about it, he wasn't technically bothering anyone and due to the internment zone being rather small, they already knew that he was associated with you. How unfair it was. You wished you could live like them, ignorant and dismissive of the monster that stood right next to them.

Him being right outside of your window was your final straw, the lamplight just barely highlighting his features as he stood in your backyard. You screamed and backed up into your dining room table once you realized that he was right against your window, pressing his hand against the glass as his breath began to fog it up. His eyes were crazed, the first time you ever saw anything in them after weeks of ignoring him. You flung the drapes over the window — as if it could do anything to protect you — before running upstairs and hiding in your closet for the rest of the night.

If he was able to sneak up on you, to be that close without you noticing… what else has he done?

"He's being a fucking creep, Reiner. If it's not him trying to figure out that I'm some kind of double-crosser, it's him being some kind of perverted stalker." He snorted at your remark and you could tell that he was not entirely convinced. You took in a shaky breath, finally putting down your foot.

"Then I would like to request that I leave the Warriors unit and work somewhere else. I don't care where and if I have to move, all I want is to never see Bertolt ever again." Reiner's expression suddenly hardened and he pushed himself off the wall, leaning on the table opposite of you. You've never seen him quite as serious until now, unease filling your stomach.

"You do realize that we cannot protect you once you leave the unit, right? The only reason you're alive still is because of us, Y/N. Anywhere else in the other units, the generals and commanders will watch you like hawks for any mistake you make, minor or not. They would use any excuse to have your head." His hand rested on your shoulder and squeezed it firmly, checking his surroundings before leaning close into your ear.

"Look. I know about Bertolt's strange behavior, trust me, I've already noticed he's been off ever since he came back from that recent excursion. I don't know if I can convince him to stop doing this to you, but I mean it when I say that you're better off staying in our unit." He then leaned back and lightly smiled for more reassurance; a part of you felt that it was the scout in him that was talking and that made you feel a little better.

"We're all you got in this world and your best chance for living. C'mon, just give him one more shot." This wouldn't be happening in the first place if you left me back in Paradis, you thought bitterly but hesitantly nodded your head.

"Okay, fine. But you better get it in his head that I don’t want him stalking me anymore or I’ll report him to General Magath and leave the unit, no matter what the consequences are." You got up and headed towards the exit, turning your head to see him slowly push in your seat. He noticed that you didn't leave yet and lifted his hand up, almost waving goodbye.

"No promises," Reiner held up his pinky, slightly wiggling it. "But I'll do my best."

You scoffed, but smiled regardless.

"Then whatever happens, it'll be on you."

The next day continued on as usual, something normal for once as both Reiner and Bertolt weren't in today. You thought that they must've gotten deployed to another war since you hadn't seen any of the other Warriors either, but you continued work as usual for your shift. Even if you weren't required to, you might as well lighten the load for you the next time around.

By the time you were done with half of the stack, you finally called it quits, seeing that the sun had began to slowly set behind the towering buildings right outside of the windows. Clocking out, you slung your satchel over your shoulder and pushed past the doors, quietly walking back to your home. Now that you started to think further during your trek, it's strange that you didn't get any notification from Reiner about their sudden leave. He'd always gave you some kind of heads-up even if you didn't ask, either through a note or in person.

Was this something so serious that not even you can know about? That would make more sense, you're technically just an underling to them, you didn't need to know more confidential information from the Marleyans as a Paradisian; not like you wanted it or had any use for it anyways. The orange glow of the sun began to fade, the sky slowly turning darker by the minute as lamplights started to flicker on right on cue.

You were so close to home that you started to pick up the pace, a feeling of anticipation running through you. It's not like you felt scared, no. This was the first time in days that you finally felt like you didn't have to look over your shoulder, the first time in months where you didn't feel like you were being watched.

In a matter of minutes, you finally reached the front door of your home. You rummaged through your bag for the keys, taking your time as you pushed through the unfortunately crowded mess. There was no need to rush anymore, not until they come back, and hopefully Reiner was able to talk Bertolt out of his abhorrent, unprofessional behavior. Letting out a happy hum as you finally found what you were looking for, you pushed in the key and turned it open, only to be greeted with a gut feeling that caused goosebumps to immediately form on your skin.

Something was wrong. Despite everything being in their right and respective places, there was something... off. Standing still at the entrance way, you scanned the environment slowly, a lump forming in your throat as they darted to-and-fro nervously. The windows were locked, you knew they were, and none of the drapes seemed to be moved or altered from their original places. There was only one entrance and to get to the backyard, you would have to take the side fence door at the outside of the resident. You almost were tempted to back out of your own house, the one place where you've considered as the safest haven from the outside. This feeling, it had to just be that you were unused to being finally left alone... right?

You finally took a step inwards, the wood creaking underneath your boot. Mentally, it felt like excruciatingly long hours had just passed by for you to get another step, internally praying that your mind won't play tricks on you from the various sounds that were occurring in the considerably old home. There's nothing or no one here, you're just being a paranoid baby.

Exhaling slowly, you finally shut and locked the front door behind you. Repeating the phrase over and over gave you confidence to continue forwards, determination in your eyes. You'd be damned if Bertolt thinks he could scare you out of your own home, you'd rather go to prison than try to stay at his home for temporary shelter.

You lost your appetite to prepare a simple dinner, now knowing that you'd prefer not to try cooking something when you've just arrived in fear for your life. However, you carefully made your way towards the kitchen, grabbing a knife out of the wooden block. The sound of the metal sliding out of its sheath may have been the loudest thing you've been currently hearing. You gripped onto the handle tightly, turning towards the stairs.

You knew you weren't alone here, the house may settle now and then, but this felt different. This was different. No matter what your brain was telling you, your gut was telling you otherwise.

Crrreeeaaakkkk...

You froze, feeling suddenly out of breath as you stared at the ceiling with wide eyes. The sound came from your room, there was no doubt about it. A memory of Bertolt trying to secretly make breakfast for you flashed into view, the sounds of pans clashing below waking you up. You should've questioned how he gotten in the house in the first place during the earlier stages of this thing of his, but you were far too hungry and tired to even notice until now.

In meticulous steps, you made your way to the staircase, trying to make sure you didn't step on the wrong board and alert the intruder of your presence. Hell, he might've already known since you unlocked the door. The hallway never felt longer than it was before as you approached the room, the moonlight shining down on you and the weapon held in your dominant hand. There was more creaking the more you came towards the door, your heart pounding in your chest in the rhythm of a thousand Abnormals sprinting towards their next delectable meal.

The door was slightly ajar, alarms ringing in your head. You never have left the doors in your room open in your life, especially when sleeping and even when you left the premises. Someone is in there and you know who it is. Taking in a deep breath, you leaned in gradually towards the crack in the door, trying to control the trembling in your hands as you peeked through.

The stench of blood first hit your nose, then the sight within nearly made you scream in horror. Bertolt was in your room, sitting on the middle edge of your bed, all bloodied from head-to-toe what you were able to tell from the street's lamps dully illuminating the surrounding room. Though that was stomach-churning in itself, the action he was performing on your bed made everything even more heinously depraved.

The bastard was fucking his fist with your panties wrapped around his cock, his pelvis erratically jutting into the tight hold he put around it. His lips were slightly parted, almost barely audible groans slipping out with every stroke. Even worse, you could hear just the cusp of your name with it, your own face growing warm.

You had to report this to General Magath, now. Burn your bed and used underwear once you got the chance to second on the list. Reiner failed, maybe even never went up to him, and now you had to take the drastic way out of this. He finally took things way too far; if not your underwear, it might’ve been you.

You took a step backwards, immediately paling as the floorboard behind you squeaked loudly under the weight. The movement from within your room paused abruptly, anxiety and dread crawling up your veins with every passing moment. The sound of the bed springs being relieved of any weight on them immediately alerted you that you needed to start running or hide until he leaves. It was too late, the door opening with a grinding, crackling noise.

"Welcome home, Y/N."

Bertolt lunged at you, instincts kicking in as you swung the knife, aiming for his throat. You knew it wouldn’t kill him, you’ve seen Mikasa do it years ago and he healed without any trace of the injury left, but it would give you enough time to get to Magath’s residence. At least, that’s what you tried to do, but he moved last minute, the blade only digging into the side of his face towards his mouth.

He was stunned by it at first, a nauseating feeling permeating within your stomach as you watched the skin and muscle separate as he opened his mouth, blood streaming down his jawline in thick streams. Then he started chuckling, pressing his hand against the wound roughly and almost pulling it apart. This was no time to stay shocked however. You took this final opportunity to run, carefully trying not to cut yourself as you made your way down the stairs.

"Y/N!!!" Oh god, oh god, oh god. You reached the entrance, turning the lock and pulling it open, the cold air of the night blasting in your face. Freedom was right there in your grasp — just right there — before a thickly drenched hand from behind grabbed ahold of you from the mouth and pulled you back inside.

You couldn’t scream as his bloodied palm held firmly down onto your mouth, tears streaming down your face as he lodged himself right between your legs. He was crazed, his pupils dilated with excitement as he stared down at your quivering form. You could the hardness straining against your uniform pants, a sob stuck in your throat. The inflicted wound on his face was obviously starting to heal, steam coming off of it.

"Good try, too bad you aren’t strong enough to even try to finish the job." He took the knife out of your hold, his blood still staining the edges. Bertolt neared it towards your throat, your body fighting back as it approached closer and closer.

"Hey, you’re gonna hurt yourself if you keep moving like that." He scolded, as if he wasn’t the one with the weapon, the cold blade right against your jugular. You froze on cue, taking in sharp breaths with your nose to try and not to panic even more.

"You weren’t meant to see me uh—" His face flushed pink, scratching his uninjured cheek with his pointer bashfully. This bitch was acting like he didn’t just break in your home, committed a perverse act on your bed, and about cut your throat open. Bertolt slightly adjusted himself, rubbing his still-hard cock against you. "But it was pretty exciting, how long were you watching? Did you get excited?"

You wanted to shake your head, only flinching as you felt him unbuckle the belt, nimble fingers unbuttoning and zipping down your pants. You had no choice but to feel him slip his dirtied hand into your underwear, his fingertips pressing against your hole. A proud smile grew on his face, a vast contrast to your horrified expression as the two of you made the same realization. You’re wet.

Bertolt pulled the knife away from your neck, short relief coming out of you in waves, but he didn’t drop it or throw it aside. No. He used it to tear your uniform shirt open, a muffled yelp escaping you as the cool air made contact with your bare skin.

"We’re going to have some fun together, okay?" You felt like throwing up in his hand, hoping that you’d asphyxiate from it. Your heart stopped as you realized that he was nearing the tip of the blade on your lower stomach, right below your belly button.

"Right after I carve my name into you."

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cuddles-with-dragons · 8 months

Text

Give me a High School AU!

The Batch are all sophomores, the original 4 are bros. Echo & Fives are their cousins that moved in with them.

Omega and Boba are freshmen. And have the worst sibling rivalry.

The "show the new kids around" is what gets Omega into the friend group. Hunter has to show her around, make sure she knows where everything is, etc. Fennec does the same for Boba.

Every school has to have a sport to obsess over, and I'm choosing soccer. Jango is the coach, he is tired of wrangling the Kamino Kraken.

This inevitably leads to Crosshair yelling "TECH WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY SHINGUARDS?!"

Hunter tried to flirt with Fennec and she slapped him.

Tech is having trouble asking out this cute girl who flirted with him and Crosshair says: "Ask Hunter if you wanna know what not to do."

Phee is that girl. The cool, doesn't-give-a-shit-what-you-think, skateboards-to-school girl.

Tech ends up with the bright idea of learning to skateboard. Everyone else is completely on board because they want to see him fail miserably.

It actually ends up working and Phee notices him, just not in the way Tech intended.

Tech, after falling flat on his face at the skate park: ...owwww Phee, who witnessed the whole thing: *runs over and kneels next to him* Holy shit, are you okay?! Tech: *looks up* *flustered stuttering* Phee: Hey Brown Eyes, I asked if you're okay? Tech: ...um...just a few scrapes...um...uh... Crosshair, standing behind the fence of the skate park: *hands Fives 10 bucks* Well, she did notice him. Fives: Just not in the way he meant.

Tech: Dumbest scar stories, go! Hunter: I burned my tongue once drinking coffee. Omega: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned. Echo: I have a piece of graphite in my leg from when Fives accidentally stabbed me with a pencil in the first grade. Wrecker: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn. Crosshair: I have emotional scars.

Hunter: Is it still visible? Where Fennec slapped me? Omega: Your face looks like a don't walk signal. Tech: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box. Crosshair: A palm reader could tell Fennec's future by looking at your face. Fives: The phrase 'talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face. Hunter: ...A simple 'yes' would've sufficed.

*while waiting outside the principal's office* Crosshair: What are you in for? Fixer: Oh, they just want to know if it’s cool if I miss my classes tomorrow to run sound and lights for a presentation in the auditorium. What about you? Crosshair: I stabbed a kid with a pencil. Fixer: Fixer: Fixer: We live very different lives. Crosshair: Yes we do.

Hunter, near tears: I have the sex appeal of a math book! Crosshair: I don’t know, dude, I've never met anyone besides Tech that opened a math book and didn't say “fuck me”.

Hunter: We all have our demons. Omega, grabbing Boba: This one’s mine!

#the bad batch #tbb crosshair #tbb tech #tbb hunter #tbb wrecker #tbb echo #tbb omega #phee tbb #techphee #boba fett #fennec shand #high school au #tbb au

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instarsandcrime · 6 months

Text

Worried Sick

So gonna start with some honesty here. This might be the most self-indulgent thing I've ever written. My theater gay ass couldn't keep away from an interpretation of a subplot from G//uys//and//Do//lls//. The idea of someone getting so worried over a Big Thing(tm) that they end up with a psychosomatic cold until the problem is resolved got me. Also Ade/laide's La/me/nt was the first thing that awoke the kink in me, so there's some BIG inspiration taken from that song and scene overall.

SO. I decided 'hey, why not' and now Lu/ci/fer gets to suffer because he definitely was not a mess when Li/lith was pregnant. Featuring a few of @glitterrosesnzz headcanons because his ideas are chaotic and I love that dearly.

Enjoy! ❤️

---

It was six months into Lilith’s pregnancy that Lucifer stopped fussing and fretting over her. Instead, to her lack of surprise, her husband had decided to spoil her rotten. And although he was increasingly sweet– and she didn’t mind a bit of pampering now and again– old habits died hard. Centuries of serving Lilith in Eden had led to the occasional reminder that yes, she was safe. And yes, her fallen guardian angel needed to step away from his duties once in a while.

Sadly, this routine was not limited to using the stairs.

"Lucifer, I'm fine."

"But Lilith–!"

"They're just sore ankles, my love. Nothing to worry yourself over." The queen giggled as she pried her husband’s grip from her waist, kissing the backs of his hands affectionately along the way.

"Okay. Gotcha. Stairs good. Ankles bad but also good. Say no more." Lucifer pulled back, wringing them as they walked. Desperately trying to keep boundaries without bursting into flames. "It's just. I mean. If you trip and fall you could get hurt. And if you get hurt the baby will get hurt! A-and if that happens– snff!"

"Then it's a good thing I won't." She added, gesturing to the bottom step beneath them.

"Oh." The obsessive rambling cut itself at the stem, an embarrassed flush blooming on his face. "I, um. I see that we've made it."

"So we have." Lilith said with a fond look. She continued her journey down the hallway with her head held high– caretaker skittering to the front and walking backwards as they went.

"Lily dear, if I could just mention one more thing?"

"It’s alright, Lucifer. Speak your mind."

"Much as I hate to say it, you've been working for hours, and bending all day might hurt your back! Ugh.” He shuddered for extra emphasis, “You should be resting, not signing documents for some stuffy Goetia noble."

"And if I were confined to writing in bed, wouldn't I still be upright?" Lilith pondered aloud.

“Well–”

“And those downy pillows can only do so much.”

"Well– well yes, but! But, I…ah, shit. I did it again, didn’t I?" Lucifer mourned. Entering the queen’s large, lavish office, the demon rushed to pull out a seat for her. “Fine, fine. You win. I trust you.”

“Good boy.” Lilith purred as she graciously accepted, leaning back to peck him on the cheek. Watching with deep affection as the great demon king all but melted into a lovestruck puddle. "You know, I have a question of my own."

"Yes, my beloved?" Lucifer’s voice sung like windchimes, still stuck in his reverie.

"How are you feeling?"

"In perfect condition, Your Highness. With just a snap of the ol’ fingers, anything in the universe will be yours. You just name it!" He smirked, adding a quick little bow for good measure.

"Ah, no. What I mean is," Lilith’s gaze softened, "are you feeling anxious about the baby?"

The air around the king of Hell froze just short of ten degrees.

"I...w-well...oh, geez. That's a-ahh...a cohh! Complicated question, isn't it?" Lucifer laughed nervously between light, hiccuping breaths.

"A simple yes or no would suffice."

"Nnnnooo..." He drawled, scratching lightly at his arm.

"...Oh. Alright." His wife answered simply, turning to her paperwork.

"Alright?"

"If you say you are well, I will trust your judgement." Lilith picked up her pen, tip hovering just above the parchment as she peeked a glance from behind. "Although, I was wondering. Have you thought of a name for our little girl yet?”

"I! Well! Um!" He discreetly swiped at his nose, "You're certainly coming up with...w-with– Ahem! With those hard-h-hih! …hhhhitting questions today, aren’t you?"

"Then what would you propose we do for her new crib? Any toys in mind?" The queen asked, very much aware of the other losing struggle that was worsening by the second.

"You always like t-to...to think...ahehhh...aheadD'SHH'hhiu! T'shhhiew! Etch'SHIEW!" Ribbons of fire poured from between Lucifer’s fangs, and he slapped a hand over his mouth to tamper it.

"Goodness, bless you!" Lilith went to stand, but Lucifer quickly waved open a portal before she could stop him.

"Gotta go for a– kaff! a sec!" He croaked between smoking coughs, "Be back soon, I promise! Don't-- kaff kaff! Don't get up, just stay off your feet!"

And with one last flickering outburst of a sneeze, the portal closed behind him.

Alone and left to her own devices, the queen only shrugged and pushed herself upright. Well. Better late than never to confront this, she supposed.

The bathroom door slammed in a hurry and, disaster temporarily abated, Lucifer slumped against it. With a hoarse sigh he shed his illusion like snakeskin, checking the mirror for what lay underneath. Puffy eyes with dull yellow pupils and sickly red sclera. Beads of sweat rolling with every wave of nausea. Scarlet cherub cheeks shifted to gold, glowing with a feverish holy blush. Groaning over a sudden realization, the fallen angel pulled back his collar to observe tiny stars that peppered the ends of his shoulder blades to the tips of his pointed ears. Ugh, and he thought he got rid of those pox-like symptoms when his form changed. He peered under his gloves and uh-huh. Yyyep! This sucks.

Stopping to scratch his cheek, he threw open the medicine cabinet and snapped his fingers. In an instant the shelves and edges of the tub were lined with vintage bottles and beakers, assorted in colorful rows. Mortar and pestles collected in the sink, covered in all different types of thick, herbal powders. Wadded tissues overflowed a once-empty wastebin, and Lucifer quickly snatched one from a nearby box to blow, wincing at the touch of his raw nose.

"Ughh. Okay, where did I leave off?" Another flick of the wrist and piles of stacked books littered the floor, each one marked with all sorts of angelic and demonic symbols. Sitting on the counter he began to read, cotton cloth pressed to his face. "Six months of this. Unbelievable."

He read aloud half-heartedly with another soft sniffle, "Angelic flu. Patient may experience bouts of nausea that make me want to die a second time, the sudden urge to cough up a fucking lung, a rash made of stardust because of course I still get that down here, an itchy nose that won’t quihh…hihhhh...! Hih-hih-hhhit'SCHHH! It'SHIEW! HIT'SHH’HHIEW!" He fumbled to catch his book before it could hit the ground, breathing a sigh of relief. "Whew! Don’t talk about the fourth thing. Got it."

Tugged along to the instructions he opened his other palm, producing an ornate teacup that graciously fell into an equally fanciful saucer. Amber apothecary vials lifted themselves, pouring small helpings of this and that as he continued. "An easy remedy to cure the chronic organic symptoms of," his voice soured, "a feeling of insecurity and frustration caused by withheld duties-- oh, for Heaven’s sake!"

He threw the book to the ground with a loud clatter. No matter how many fancy words are written, no matter how many diagrams are shown, no matter how long he’s waited and waited around for this wonderfully delicate life to come into this world–

“ET’SCHH’HHIU! Snff! Ugh…”

He's seen the same damn result every time! It's– it’s just a small case of the sniffles. That’s all there is to it. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Lucifer?" A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. "Is everything alright? I heard something fall."

Shit!

"Just a mo-ment!" Lucifer winced at the way his voice cracked, threatening to break down in a coughing fit. Biting the bullet he downed the tea in one gulp, waving away the medical concoctions and used tissues to another existence. "I, uh– um– spilled a drihhh-drink!"

His breath suddenly hitched and he fought the urge to drag a hand down his face, silently swearing when the remedy somehow made things worse. Every inhale burned with a strong tickle, and he pinched his nose and sniffed hard in a desperate attempt to settle it.

"You spilled a drink in the bathroom?" Lilith asked, voice tinged with quiet amazement.

Lucifer cringed as he finished the magic touches on his starry spots, "...Yes?"

The door clicked, and his guest stepped through the threshold with the sweep of her wrap dress. She circled every nook and cranny, taking in its shimmering appearance. Her gaze moved to her husband– put together and pristinely dressed, boasting a huge grin. In short, everything around her was absolute perfection.

How unnerving.

"I suppose you will be joining me in my office?"

"Your-- oh!" Lucifer nodded stiffly, "Of course, of course! I just need more ti...t-tihhh...time– Ahem! Oh dear, 'scuse me. Had a little bit of a t-tickle there."

"I would love to invite you back," Lilith’s brow furrowed, "but it might do you well to take your own advice and get some rest."

"Hm? Did I do some...s-somethihhh...hih! S-something I shouldn’t have?" He swallowed, fighting the urge to close his fluttering eyelashes.

"No– at least, not until today. I hate to do this darling," His wife crouched, holding a handkerchief of her own, "but you missed a spot."

Before he could think Lilith wiped at the angry flush that brightened the bridge of his nose like it were a smudge of dirt, and the reaction was immediate. Lucifer gasped, eyes lined with irritated tears. "W-wait! Let's talk abouhhh...a-about thihhh…!"

"Poor thing." Lilith sighed, moving to brush the rim of his nostrils. "It's so sensitive now, too."

And with that, she kissed the tip, helping her husband hold the cloth as he snapped at the waist.

"Het'shhh! 'Tchiew! 'Tsshhh! Hit'chh-tshh!-tshhh-het'shhh! Heh'TSHHH! H-hih...H-hih!...waihhht-- 'tshh-tch! slow dowhh- down-- Hih'kschh! please-- Het'Schhh!" He begged to himself, sadly to no avail. His illusions went down, and so did his strength. "Hih-hih-hit'SCHH'HIEW! HT'SCHHH-'Tsh!-'TSH! 'TSHHHIEW! Hehhh-Ht'CHT! HET’TCHHH'hiew-TSHHH'HIEW! H-hehh- c-cad't- Het'CHHHIEW! stoh-huh!...st-stohhp...HIT'SCHHH'HHIU! Hih-hih-Hih! Hhh...ghhh..."

A slender finger pressed just underneath his twitching nose, and all that was left of the uncontrollable fit was a shaky, tired breath. "Thadk you. Snff!"

He blinked his vision into working order, bashfully taking the handkerchief to let loose another blow. All the while gentle claws stroked loose, damp locks back into place.

"How long has this been going on?"

"Three-- kaff! Th-three days."

Lilith raised an eyebrow.

"One month?"

She crossed her arms. “Try again.”

"...Six months." He cleared his throat. "But that doesn't matter! I don't have any responsibilities at the moment, and you're taking the brunt of well-- everything! Your work, the pregnancy. You should be focusing on yourself, not worrying about me."

"What? No!" Lilith took a seat on the porcelain rim of the tub, scooping the fallen angel into her lap with a warm embrace. "No, no, don’t neglect yourself for my sake. You have every right to feel nervous too."

"Nervous?"

"Of course." She urged, "Nervous that you may be a bad father, perhaps?"

"Wh--" Lucifer huffed out a laugh, scratching at his neck. "Don't be absurd! I-I don't think about that! Nehhh...heh! Snff! Never."

"Oh?" Lilith tilted her head curiously, "So the rambling, fussing, and conveniently timed illness means nothing?"

"Nnnnope! Nuhh-snff! Nothin’." The demoness nearly jumped out of her skin as large pillars of books reappeared in a flash of holy light.

"I just stopped my search at angelic flu-- which was a bust, by the way.” Lucifer continued, picking up a book to smack the cover in frustration. “That eliminates most heavenly illnesses. I didn't check curses yet, but I've got a hunch it's some type of plague. Those are all the rage on Earth these days. Actually, when we start using the stroller, should our little girl be outside on walks when another case carries over? She could get sihh-hih!...s-sick just from br-brea- snff! breathing. Can you imagine–…imagine thahh...th-that?"

"Darling." She tilted his chin upwards with a teasing smile, breaking him out of his thoughts. "Be careful. Talking about the baby too much will send you into a fit."

"Pfft! What, me? Noooo! Sure, I just think about her once in a while and wor-- consider! Consider the fact that I might mess up. And when I consider the fact that I might mess up, I tend to...to sn...s-sneehh...! Heh!"

Lucifer pushed himself from her grip, pitching helplessly into slowly soaking fabric. "Het'chiu! Hih'tchhh'hiew! Hihhh...hih! HITCHIEW!" With every sneeze his demon horns grew until they cradled Lilith’s cheeks.

"I warned you, didn't I?" His beloved huffed, rubbing a hand on his back while his breaths began to calm.

"Ughhh…Sorry 'bout thahh-hah-h-hhhah! HAT’SHHHIEW! HET’KSHHHOO! Hhheh…hihhh-hih!…ohhh…" He moaned, punctuating his misery with a loud, gurgling blow.

"If it helps break this 'curse' in any way," Lilith scratched at the base her patient's horns, and his twisted expression finally relaxed, breathing a dreamy sigh. "I think you'll make a great father."

"Mmm? Why's that?" He slurred, leaning into the touch.

"Because our child isn't born yet, and you've already worried yourself sick over her." Wide eyes snapped open, and Lilith pursed her lips to bite back a laugh.

"Ugh, that pun was terrible. Even for me." Lucifer pouted dramatically, collapsing against her.

“I love you too.”

#snz #snz fic #ha//zb//in//ho//tel//#lu/ci/fer #li/li/th

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mytheoristavenue · 2 years

Note

Take ur time ofc!! And hope ur doin ok!! BUT PLEASE CAN WE GET ANOTHER PART OF THE DIRTY FIC, IM BARKIN OVER IT /POS

I got you! Also, this was my first One Piece ask, so thank you!

OP Perv!Usopp x Reader 🍋 - Filthy

Summary: You get a suspicion that it's not Nami that's been stealing your clothes, and you catch the real culprit red handed.

Warning: Bath sex, fingering, NSFW, MDNI, fem!Reader, perv!Usopp, switch!Usopp, porn with plot, petty/bitchy Nami, slight bodyshaming, soft dom!Usopp, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, very long, nasty language, teasing, fem!reader, petnames

Note: I used the diagrams of the Sunny as a reference for this fic and the previous one, which maps the bathroom out as a small room with just a toilet and sink, and a door that leads to a separate washroom. From what I could tell, the washroom is pretty much a one pool bathhouse, with a corner you shower in, so I wrote this with that in mind!

"Damnit, Nami..." you grumbled, sorting through your dresser, the clothes on your body caked with mud. The crew had docked on a small island, and since the town didn't offer any entertainment, Luffy decided everyone would rest on the beach. Suffice to say, being forcefully involved in a mud fight was not your idea of rest.

Rummaging a bit more, you growled, not finding any clean underwear. You were irritated to say the least. Nami always stole your clothes almost as soon as your bought them, but this time it was worse, considering Usopp, the sweetheart that he was, had just treated you to a shopping spree on the last island. Now you had nothing to show for it.

"I heard my name?" the woman strolled into the women's bedroom, arms crossed and brow cocked in an accusing manner.

"Yeah, 'cuz I said it." you snarled, glancing over your shoulder.

"And what's got your panties in a twist? Are you still mad that Luffy pegged you in the head with a ball of mud?" She snickered, laying down on her bunk with her arms crossed behind her head.

"No, I'm not!" you glared at her, before going back to your search. "And it's kinda hard to have my panties in a twist when you steal all my damn clothes!"

"What?!" she gasped, darting up with fists balled. "I do NOT steal your tacky ass clothes!"

"Oh, so what? It was Robin then?" You pressed sarcastically.

"Doubt it," she responded with a huff. "She couldn't even use your tiny bras as pasties."

"Nami!" you shouted, blushing from embarrassment and crossing your chest. "My boobs aren't small!" You shook your head, dismissing her judgement. "Wait, so if you're really not taking my stuff, who is?"

"I dunno," she sighed, reaching for a file and lazily buzzing her nails. "Maybe ask that idiot we call a sniper, he's so obsessed with you, it wouldn't surprise me if he stole your panties and hung them up on the wall."

"Don't say things like that," you scolded lightly, face still as heated. "You know I like him, that's not funny."

"It wasn't a joke." she corrected. "It's literally so obvious."

"I don't see how." you pouted, not trusting her one bit. You sighed, prying your soaked shirt away from yourself. "It's not as much the stealing that's my main issue right now, it's that I don't have anything clean to change into."

Nami rolled her eyes, tossing her hand in the direction of her dresser, using her file as a pointer. "Tell you what, as a show of good faith, you can borrow something of mine. Just nothing nice."

-----

Guilt began to wither away your insides as you trudged to the bathroom. You couldn't help but feel bad for accusing Nami of stealing your things, especially now that she was loaning you hers. You were very thankful for the gesture though.

Entering the bathroom, you set your things down on the closed toilet lid, before taking your hairbrush out of your hygiene bag and running it through your hair. You followed up with brushing your teeth, and you were finally ready you shed all this filth. With a heavy sighed you peeled your clothes away, tossing them into the hamper, before quietly opening the door to the washroom. You'd heard a bit of splashing and didn't want to startle whoever was enjoying a bath.

The person in question was mostly submerged in the steaming bathwater, facing away from your, but judging from the mess of jet coils that spilled onto the the steps of the tub, you could only guess it was one of two people, and you knew for a fact that Brook was on deck. "Oh, hello, Usopp." you chirped, smiling sweetly, and clutching the knot on your towel.

He jumped upon hearing his name, hot water splashing all around him as he glanced back timidly. "O-Oh, uh- hi, (Y/N)!"

"Do you mind if I join you?" you asked bashfully. "If so, I can just take a shower, I won't mind."

"You...want to take a bath with me?" Usopp's mind was racing, brain unable to contain all the naughty possibilities that could come of this.

"It is a community tub," you reminded him with an airy giggle. "But if you want it all to yourself, I completely understand! It is a nice tub."

"I want you-" he breathed, mouth hanging a bit. "T-To bathe with me, I mean. Shit, uh- no. I don't mind at all, please, help yourself." His hands trembled just below the water. He was always the worst at playing cool when under pressure.

"Thank you," you snickered. "Look away while I get in." You didn't have to ask, he hadn't been able to look at you properly since the moment he'd laid eyes on you in that towel, and he didn't think his heart could handle seeing you fully nude. Shedding your towel, you slipped down into the water, several feet away from him for the comfort of both of you. Once you were sure you were fully submerged, you sighed with delight as the heat in the water did wonders for your aching muscles. "Ahhh..." you sighed dreamily, filling your palms with it and smoothing it into your dirty hair. "That's so nice..."

He laughed nervously, peering over at you before instantly snapping his head away, seeing your arms raised above you, bliss coating your face. "Y-Yeah, it's super hot, I just ran the water a few minutes ago."

"Oh, I'm sorry! You hardly got any time to relax before I intruded." you apologized shyly.

"No, don't be sorry. I like your company." he confessed, his cheeks aglow, although barely visible passed his caramel skin tone. "Besides, I'm sure you wanted to get away from Luffy just as bad as I did, so I don't mind you hiding out with me."

As you massaged product into your hair, you couldn't help but beam at his sudden change in demeanor. This was the Usopp you adored, the sweet, fun guy that you loved talking with. It was almost jarring to see how nervous he tended to get, as opposed to how he acted around you most times. "I like that we can do things like this," you admitted, showing him your sweetest smile. "I'm always so comfortable with you, Usopp."

"R-Really?" he asked, chuckling nervously and itching his nape. "Ditto."

"I just really trust you, ya know? You just always seem to radiate this sense of security to me. Is that weird?" You asked, scooting towards him, if only by an inch or two, before dunking your head to rinse your hair.

Usopp began to sweat, from more than just the steam rising off the pool. There was no reason at all that you should trust him, nor be comfortable with him. He was a panty sniffing creep. Speaking of which, he held his thighs cemented to the step he sat on, praying to God that the special pair he'd been enjoying before you came in would stay buried beneath him. "I'm so glad you feel safe with me." he replied halfheartedly.

You couldn't place your finger on the reason, but something about the moment felt so much more perfect than other ones you'd had, where the opportunity to confess had presented itself. "Uhm, Usopp, there's actually something I've been meaning to tell you..." you trailed, floating over to sit right beside him now. He internally panicked at your closeness, and the possibility of your hand or thigh brushing your submerged garments.

"O-oh, yeah? What's that?" While he waited for your big secret to reveal itself, he watched your cheeks take on an inflamed hue, eyes drawing wide as dinner plates. His worst fears became realized as a piece of pink lace drifted into his peripheral, floating between the two of you as an ice breaker.

"Oh my God, Nami was right!" you squeaked, snatching the underwear out of the water and inspecting them. "It was you all along!"

Usopp's heart raced as he struggled to find a reason for having them that wouldn't incriminate him, ultimately deciding on simply playing dumb. "W-Whoa, how did those get in here?" he laughed nervously, instinctually scooting away, until he hit the corner of the pool.

"Usopp..." you growled angrily. "You've been stealing my clothes, haven't you!"

"W-Wait? No, of course not!" he sputtered, raising his hands in defense. "Why would I steal the clothes I bought you?!"

You stopped and thought for a moment, contemplating over his alibi, before coming to an infuriating realization. "You sicko!" you shrieked. "You've only been picking out clothes that you like to take, haven't you!? All the lacy panties and matching bras, the skimpy string bikinis, all the short skirts and crop tops- you've been dressing me up like your own personal doll!"

"I thought you liked those!" he defended, shrinking as drew near. "I-I swear, I thought that's what you liked to wear!"

"Yeah," you grumbled. "I liked wearing them because I thought that's what you wanted me to wear!" You expression fell from anger to sadness as you backed away from him and sat facing your lap. "I just wanted you to think I was pretty. I thought that...if I let you pick my clothes, maybe you'd find me more appealing."

Usopp could feel his cheeks and ears heat up with your revelation and he guiltily swam towards you, pressing a comforting hand to your shoulder. (Y/N), I do think you're pretty. That's not the problem."

You glanced up at him through your lashes, sniffling. "I know I'm not as well endowed as the other girls but-"

"No, I don't care about all that, you're perfect." He confessed shamefully. "I'm the problem." Your stare bored holes into his head as he struggled to continue, knowing that you were waiting for him to elaborate. "I guess I've just liked you and wanted you for so long...I forgot to see you as a person and not as..."

"A doll?" you asked, looking up at him as he did the same.

"More or less," he confirmed. "I-I'm so sorry."

"Well," you began cautiously. "I can't say I didn't enjoy dressing up for you..."

"R-Really?" he stuttered, fully turning to you now, humbled by the vision of you leaning into his personal space with wanting eyes.

You nodded with a seductive smile. "had you asked, I might have even entertained the idea of modeling some outfits for you...privately." Usopp swallowed a hard lump as he watched you slowly rise from the hot water and inch closer. "I wonder what you did with my panties," you thought aloud. "Why don't you tell me?"

"I-I," he started, stopping short, eyes glued to your body as it slowly exposed itself. "I uh- jerked off with them?" he answered carefully, scared that this was some sort of trap. You shuddered at his reply, caressing your delicate hands along your sides.

"Did you cum all over my panties, Usopp?" You purred in his ear, leaning in close enough to touch him. He nodded shyly to your delight. "What were you doing before I came in here?"

"I think you know..." he murmured, humilated by your teasing.

"But I wanna hear you say it." you admitted, arms snaking around his neck, and legs dangerously close to straddling his lap. "Pretty please?"

"J-jerking off..." he breathed shakily. "With your panties."

"That's a good boy," you cooed, finally settling on his lap, your bare sex snug with his as your thighs provided him with excellent friction. His breath hitched in his throat as you grinded on him, his knuckles whitening from his grip on the step he sat on. "Don't you want to touch me, Usopp?"

"I-I do, more than anything," he sighed, throwing his head back a bit before raising it again. "But I shouldn't. This is a bad idea."

"How do you figure?" you wondered, 'accidentally' weighting yourself to put even more pressure on his throbbing cock.

"W-We can't do this and still be friends after," he rationalized breathlessly. "I-It'll be weird."

"Who said I want to be friends with you after this?" you giggled. "You're mine now. It's only fair considering how much hell you put me through." you smiled down at him, cupping his cheeks with one hand, making them squish. "Besides, I like it when things get weird." You leaned down and planted a kiss on the tip of his nose, trailing down his cheek, and then to his neck, where you stayed, peppering his throat with sweetness, pattern interrupted by the occasional harsh bite. You reveled in the lovely sounds he made for you, before ceasing your ministrations, so suddenly, he was still huffing from the ghost of your touch after it was gone. "That is of course, unless you don't want to be mine, in which case-"

"N-No!" he whined pitifully, interrupting you. "P-Please, I'll be good. I'll be the best boyfriend you've ever had! I-Ill buy you more clothes, and take you out on dates, and whatever else you ask!" his words spilled out even more desperately than he intended them to, which embarrassed him greatly. "J-Just please, I want to be yours, so fucking bad."

You couldn't help but giggle at his adorable groveling. "Awe, you want to be my little boyfriend?" you cooed, caressing his cheeks.

"Yes, more than anything..."

"Good boy," you praised, finally pressing your lips to his, while sensually rolling your hips against his. You loved the way he groaned into your mouth as you taught him how you liked to be kissed, sliding your tongue against his. He was new to this, and you adored that, taking the task of teaching him how things were done as a high honor. "Touch me, baby." You breathed against his lips, guiding his shaking hands to your flesh, and pressing them against you. He held perfectly still wherever you decided to place him, terrified to make a wrong move and have you leave him unattended.

With a little coaching, you were finally able to convince him to squeeze the fat of your hips, if only slightly. "That's it, baby. Doing so good." you eased, coercing him into exploring your skin like an uncharted island. You shuddered under his touch as his pads delicately grazed your nerve endings, reveling in the feeling of being in his arms, and all of your most sensitive parts just within reach of him.

"Can I-?" Usopp tried, parting from you with bated breath as his knuckle caressed the underside of your breast, his mind plagued by thoughts of all the perverted things he'd do to them if granted permission.

"Whatever you want, sweet boy. I'm all yours." you soothed, smiling down at him lovingly. "You don't have to be so nervous."

"I-I know," he sighed shakily. "I've just- I've never...done anything like this, ya know? I don't want to mess up."

"Well, I happen to know that you're a pretty hands-on learner," you giggled, rising against his chest a bit to tease him. "So how about you do what feels right and if I need to, I'll correct you? Think of it as..." you paused for a moment to find something he was good at to compare this moment to, tapping your finger on your chin. "Think of it as tinkering. Taking things apart, putting them back together," as you spoke, you hand snaked down to palm his erection, before taking hold of it and rubbing it against your entrance. "Figuring out what goes where, what things do."

After the inhalation of a sharp breath, for confidence, one of his hands slithered around to the back of your scalp to tangle digits in your wet hair, pulling you into a forceful kiss, while the other enveloped your breast entirely, simply holding it with the tiniest squeeze Usopp could muster. A surprised, but delighted moan escaped you, slipping past your unwilling lips and diminishing against his tongue. It was so jarring how he'd switched from squirming under your words to holding you so tightly, kissing you with such need.

Once he let you withdraw for a breath, you gazed up at him, eyes dripping with lust as you huffed. "Was...that good?" he asked bashfully, now reverting back to his previous demeanor.

"Do that again." you commanded, before squealing with joy as he pulled you back in.

-----

You whined loudly, drool sliding down your chin as you sat, still in Usopp's lap, this time with your back flush against his chest. Your legs were spread, with one bent and hoisted by the crook in his arm. You offered aid in the form of keeping your other leg at the perfect angle for him, as he sank his middle and index deep inside you. Your arms had long since locked around his neck, anchoring yourself to him as he worked you. You buried your head into his shoulder, your lips dangerously close to his ear, allowing him to listen to all your lewd noises without any other sound taking his attention away. "You sound so pretty, baby." he purred, curling his fingers against you.

The resulting moan embarrassed you, but it was music to his ears. Usopp had always been a quick learner, and it hadn't taken him long at all to realize what made you tick, what areas were the most sensitive, and what moves would numb your mind the fastest. He couldn't help but grin, recalling what you'd said earlier, repeating it for you as you submitted to his ministrations. "What's the matter? Can't handle being taken apart?"

"U-Usopp!" you whimpered, wanting so badly to scold him for making fun of you. It was humiliating how quickly he'd managed to change the dynamic of the moment. He chuckled in response, unhooking his arm and letting your leg fall lax before using his newly freed hand to play with your clit, while the digits of his right fucked you at an even rougher pace.

"What was that, baby?" he cooed, a cocky smirk spreading across his features. "Spit it out."

"B-Be nice..." you begged breathlessly, resting against him. "Please."

"Poor thing," he sighed, letting his pace slow to a near stop. "I'm sorry, baby, how can I make it up?" You struggled to catch your breath as his fingers slipped out of you. Though you couldn't see it, Usopp eagerly brought them to his lips, before sucking a bit of your essence off his previously clean skin. "Taste so good. I wonder if it tastes the same straight from the source?" His words stewed in your mind for a moment while his hand explored you further, action lulling as he allowed you decide what you'd have him do next.

"Can you..." you muttered, and overwhelming shyness taking over before you had the chance to finish. You buried your face in your shoulder before eagerly mumbling the rest.

"What is it, baby? Tell me what you want." he coaxed, one of his calloused hands reaching up to cup your breast, and the other sinking down to spread you out against the steaming water. "Whatever you want, sweet girl." he repeated your previous encouragements, adding to your humiliation. "I'm all yours."

"C-Can you please...eat me out?" you begged, peering up at him with a single pleading eye.

"I thought you'd never ask." he beamed, grabbing your sides and lifting you out of the water entirely, and setting you down on the top step. "C'mere."

-----

Tears had long since began to roll down your as you laid out on your back, palms bolted over your mouth in a half assed attempt to stifle some of your cries. Still in the tub, in the same spot he'd always been, was Usopp, ensnared in the most heavenly spot- between your legs. Ever great once in awhile, you'd mustered the strength to prop yourself up on your elbows to catch a glimpse of him, but every time, his eyes would dart up to yours, your tingling flesh still in his mouth, and he'd utter the most guttural moan, brows knitting together. A part of you knew it was fake, but the arousal it gave you was far too intense for you to car.

After first, his skills were lackluster to say the least; shy and unsure. But you should have know he'd catch on quickly. Soon he was in sync with you, listening to your reactions to certain moves as if he were cracking a safe. If nothing else, Usopp was observant.

You groveled at the way he peppered kisses all around your thighs and labia, before so delicately spreading it with a slow, downward lick. Your skin felt like static as your hairs stood on end, and your lips let go of the most pathetic sound he'd ever heard.

Truth be told, he wasn't entirely sure what work went into the female orgasm, or how he'd know if you were having one, but he didn't' suppose it mattered. He wanted to be in this position as long as you'd let him; he was honestly doing it for himself more than you, so if he couldn't get you there this way, he'd would have been just as happy being your toy in any other way until he did.

By now, his name was just a ghost on your lips, as you were no longer able to form coherent sentences. Despite this, you still tried to call out to him. "'Sopp..."

With a final sloppy kiss to your sex, his head rose to meet your gaze, only to find you staring back at his with a tear stained face. You were overall a pitiful sight. "You okay, baby?" he soothed, reaching up to rub comforting circles on your tummy.

"C-Can't take it anymore..." you whined, sniffling as emotion over took you. Usopp immediately panicked.

"Oh God, did you want me to stop?" he stammered, terrified over the possibility of you, at some point revoking consent, and him not hearing. "I'm so sorry, here let me get you a towel-"

"Usopp...?" you interupted his worrying for finding something to cover you with by reaching out to him.

"Y-Yeah?"

"I need you to fuck me." you begged, putting on your most confident voice, which in reality, was just a touch above the whining mess you were a moment earlier. "Want you to cum with me."

It took him a moment to process your request, and for the butterflies to clear out of his stomach before he wordlessly approached you. When he was close enough, he gently grabbed your hips and moved you a bit further way from the tub's edge, before sinking down to his knees. Still silent and focused, his strong hands grabbed your ankles to toss your legs over his shoulders and he lined himself up.

"I need you to tell me you really want this." he finally breathed. "I'm totally fine with stopping if this isn't what you want."

You stared up at him through glossy, wanting eyes, thinking his offer over. Though you weren't a virgin, it had been quite a while since you'd had sex, and you were a little nervous, but the aching in your abdomen told gave you your answer. You needed him. "I-I do."

Dark and cloudy eyes studied you skeptically, not fully believing that you were confident in your reply. "Are you sure?" His continuous double-checking aggravated you, as your fists balled in frustration.

"Usopp, please just fuck me already!"

Without another word, or hesitation, he spat into his palm and smoothed it against you, before slowly easing in. You hissed as he stretched you out, eagerly waiting for the agony to melt into pleasure. Usopp took notice of your discomfort almost instantly. "You okay, baby?" You quickly nodded in response, fearing that if you told him it hurt, he would retract. Unbeknownst to you however, he knew. He wasn't entirely ignorant to how sex worked, he knew it could be uncomfortable. In an effort to comfort you while you adjusted, he held perfectly still, peppering kisses all over your face and whispering sweet nothings to get you through. "Doing so good baby, it's okay. Promise I'm gonna take real good care of you."

You shuddered with eyes screwed shut, concentrating on all your senses, in an effort to quail the pain. You inhaled his natural scent, and reached up your fingers to delicately tangle into his coils, as a means of grounding yourself. Once your mind was calmer, you began to feel an emptiness that only he could fill, the agony slowly diminishing. "I-I'm ready." you whispered, lashes fluttering apart, allowing you to gaze up at him, only to find him already staring back, a loving sick glaze coating his chocolatey eyes.

Usopp held you firmly by the hips as he eased himself out, ever so slightly, and then back in fully, his pelvis flush with yours. He held you this way for a moment before repeating cautiously. From the way he treated you, had you been in the state of mind to notice, you would've thought he may have been afraid to hold you with anything but the utmost care. If not, you might break into a million pieces, like the porcelain doll that you were to him. Though he knew better, from the many times he'd seen you hold your own against an enemy whom you had no business squaring up to, in Usopp's eyes- especially now, you were dainty and fragile. No thing that was more than that could possibly be so vulnerable under his ministrations.

He studied your every breath, deciphering it as if it were an ancient rune. Was that labored breath an indicator of your discomfort, or a stifled whimper? All he could do was promise himself that you stop him, should you become uncomfortable, or that the signs would be obvious and he'd catch on quickly. He hadn't noticed it, though his intense focus, but his pace had lulled to a near stop, and you'd begun to worry that he wasn't deriving near as much enjoyment from this as you were. "Usopp...?"

"Yes, baby?" he asked sweetly, trying his best to mask his fear of you asking him to stop.

"Are you okay?" you checked, still bashful from the sensation of being full of him, even if he was deadly still.

"Yeah," he breathed back. "Guess I'm just a little nervous. I just don't want to hurt you."

Your worried expression softened into a gentle smile. "You won't," you reassured. "I can handle a lot." It took him a moment to truly understand what you meant, after which, inflammation spread across his cheeks and ears. "You don't have to be so soft, ya know?" He wordlessly acknowledged what you'd said, leaning down to peck your lips, pressing himself deeper inside you in the process. You get go of a guttural sigh, instantly tossing your head back, breaking away from his lips.

Confidence renewed, Usopp tried to replicate whatever he'd just down, pumping in and out of you at a more steady speed than before. This new sensation overwhelmed you, in the best of ways. You face tingled and your brows knitted together subconsciously as you whined for him with heavy breathing. "You like that, baby?" he huffed, also finding this new pleasure to be putting him under a spell. You nodded nonverbally, your vocal chords busy with singing your pitiful songs. "Tell me 'bout it, baby." he urged as he pace naturally progressed, almost too smoothly for either of your to notice.

"Love it, 'Sopp." you sighed. "Feels so fucking good."

Lost in the moment, he growled at your praises. "God, I love it when you say my name." he confessed, having trouble resisting the urge to pound you into the tile. "Sounds so fucking pretty."

"Usopp," you moaned, a bit more dramatically then you needed to, hoping to tease him with what little control you had. Obviously from the way his mocha orbs darkened, it was effective as his hands abandoned the dough of your hips to find yours, fingers intimately interlocking. He held you pinned to the slippery floor of the washroom as his thrusts became more impactful, maintaining the same painfully steady pace. "Faster baby, please." you sighed, desperate to feel him fully take you with all his force.

'"Not if you're gonna tease me," he chuckled breathlessly. "If you won't be good, you'll have to earn it." This humiliation was bliss as you writhed under his high self esteem, only feeding into it more. Suddenly, he halted, pausing his movements all together, creating an almost agonizing disappointment between your legs. "Show me how good you can be," he cooed. "Fuck yourself on my cock, baby girl." You mewled at his words and the chills they sent down your spine as your struggled to horizontally pleasure yourself against him, getting nearly no results. "Need some help?" he condescended, grinning down at you. You nodded shyly, tossing your head to the side to save yourself a sliver of dignity. "Just tell me you'll be good and I'll finish you off." he reassured, looming over you, while running a calloused palm down your stomach.

"P-please fuck me, Usopp." you stammered, barely audibly. "I'll be good, I promise."

"That's what I like to hear." he laughed, his free hand once again clasping yours as he went in with nearly all the speed he could muster, reducing your brain to mush. Usopp smiled lovingly down at you when he noticed your state, drool dribbling down the side of your cheek and eyes rolled back. You looked so cute like this, he wished he could take a picture. Perhaps another time.

Your body had already taken far too much damage for you to hold out much longer, and shortly after he'd begun again, you could feel particularly strong waves crashing on your shores. You yearned so badly to be able to glance up at him, and looking into his eyes when you inevitably came undone, but your ability to pry your eyes open had long since been revoked. If you had been able to see him, however, you would have reveled in the sight of him, falling apart at the seams, shallow, labored breaths falling over kiss swollen lips. His head was dipped in exhaustion, all his stamina reserved in his hips, and none left to maintain any resemblance of posture. Your name spilled out of him in the form of ghostly praises and curses as his brows knitted together as his expression came to mirror his one from earlier, submissive and needed.

"Fuck," he whined. "Don't cum, don't cum, don't cum," he chanted, as if he could will himself of come down from his impending high. He had no concept of how long the two of you had been together, but there was no way he could allow this to end yet.

Your skin felt like static as you listened to his lewd prayers, and a terrible idea popped into your head. If he wasn't going to fill you up on his own accord, you'd just have to milk it out of him. Still huffing, with barely any energy left, and with your own orgasm mere moments away, you clenched your walls around his cock, adoring the sounds he choked out as a result. "Stop it," he moaned. "You're gonna- ah damnit." he tried, only to have you repeat your actions, finally giving way to the results you wanted.

Usopp came to a pitiful end, all the confidence he'd once held for pinning you stripped away with the loveliest sting of curses you'd ever heard with your name being final bead. As his precision faltered, the sensation of his essence dripping out of you, coupled with the last few sloppy thrusts he could muster did you in, and you screamed out for him, his name echoing off the tiled walls.

Your lover collapsed against you, struggling to find his breath after achieving his first climax with a partner as he collected you in his arms, clinging to whatever plush bits of you his fingers could find. "That was...mind blowing." he admitted. "You were- just perfect."

You giggled sleepily, freeing a hand from his vice of an embrace to tangle into his hair, scratching his scalp lovingly. "Thank you. You weren't too bad yourself, for a rookie."

"Yeah well," he chuckled, his voice cracked from over use and exhaustion. "You bet your sweet ass we're gonna be doin' a lot of practicing from now on."

Note: I don't think a single fic has taken me longer to write (when I was continuously working on it). This has taken me about 8 hours across four days to complete, and I'm so proud of it! I know so many people asked for this and I was glad to oblige. Please like, reblog, and reply! I read all of your replies and reblog notes and they always absolutely make my day!

#one piece smut #usopp smut #god usopp #usopp #usopp x reader #usopp x y/n #usopp x you #usopp x reader lemon #usopp x reader smut #one piece x reader

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farawaysoph-ie · 5 months

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The Sunshine Court Incoherent Whatever (pt.1)

Okay. Okay.

I just finished The Sunshine Court and 1) Jean Moreau what have you done to me? 2) Jean Moreau what have(n't) they done to you?

I started this, then went and re-read tkm (bc the obsession was always latent and never gone), so I could compare both Neil and Jean pov and well, suffice to say I'm not okay and I feel too much.

Thank you Nora Sakavic, it was painful and amazing.

I have a long train ride so I might as well bring back my incoherent whatever after *checks the notes* 4 years :')

As always this will be so full of spoilers.

(Unrelated spoiler: the train ride wasn't enough)

Let's start with the general:

After loving Neil maybe too much the shift to Jean took awhile to adjust to but now I'm ready to fight at least three mafia families, every single hater (fictional or otherwise) and the FBI for him

Jeremy Knox was everything, but like everyone on here, what are you hiding Jeremy?? What's going on??

Cat and Laila, my beloved ™️ the care these two effortlessly gave made me cry

This whole book was a serious trigger for me, but I'm in too deep with this series, imagine me like that Simpsons meme, I did it for my new french son

Characters, thoughts:

I said before the Ravens were a cult, but I hadn't really understood that statement. Every time Jean spoke of them it hit deeper and deeper how messed up and unfair it all was.

Boy am I happy that Riko is dead, like I didn't really wish anyone the fate of being shot by an unfeeling older brother, until Jean's pov hit me like a high speed train.

Andrew spoke exactly one word in this, still was iconic and a scene stealer, how in character for him

I forgot how much I always want to slap Kevin Day when he's trying his best to be annoying, it's because I love him, I swear! (But seriously his relationship with Jean is so complex and well executed I will think about it for a very long while)

I didn't give much thought to Renee and Jean relationship in tkm, but it broke my heart here, it's when I started to actually tear up, I love them so much rainbows, a cool evening breeze. I can't.

"Tell me something"

"Where are you now?"

The whole dynamic of the Cat&Laila& sometimesJeremy's apartment

Cat teaching Jean how to cook + motorbike ride (open roads)

Laila taking him to shopping

Jeremy wanting to make Jean Moreau the Person his success story

Neil dragging Jean towards survival without giving him a choice, again and again: he sent Renee as gentle bait, closed a deal in his name with a mafia boss, promised him he would win against Riko in his name too, promised him again Riko was dead, ordered a hit on his rapist, offered to delay the talk with the FBI, linked his sister to his name, to survival and to what he deserved. I NEED more interactions between them, I am not above begging.

I have to get a better idea on the other Trojans, but for now the policule was cute, I need more Cody and less Lucas. Like I can understand where he was coming from? But he needs to shut up now, you made your mess man, now go play Exy like you were supposed to.

I miss the Foxes :'(

Wymack! I almost forgot everyone's favourite dad-coach: he showed up, brought alcohol, got more tired, delivered care to yet another traumatized child, spent a whole day on airplanes to bring him to Los Angeles, left him money for clothes&co. bc he's not doing this again, answered his call when he was having The Breakdown. Best dad-coach ever in the history of dad-coaches.

Plot things:

Jean at the beginning was so scared and in so much pain it took a while to get a clear picture of him as a person

Still loved all his salty comments and insults, he couldn't help himself

Renee sitting with him and caring with Abby and Wymack :')

Jean being afraid of going back and of not going back to Evermore, hating the ones that got to leave

The self harm and all the people in this that fought him to keep his hands from his neck, his scars, himself

"I am Jean Moreau. My place is at Evermore. I will endure."

Jean not believing in Wymack care, waiting for the act to end and the other shoe to drop

The disbelief at Kevin being away from the court and him admitting he went at knifepoint (and meaning it literally), sometimes this was a comedy

Wymack, Jean, and the burning of houses

Jean's opinion of the Foxes going from those mediocre fools to those mediocre madmen to the madmen that actually beat Riko Moriyama

Wymack putting Jean's phone in the freezer and hating computers

“That man is years overdue for a high-speed, head-on collision.” couldn't have said it better, but Neil was already on it at that point

"Jean knew better than to look for anger in his stare; the best Kevin could manage was bottomless guilt."

“It was my only chance,” Kevin said. “I knew you wouldn’t come with me.” “My place is at Evermore,” Jean agreed, “but you did not have to slit my throat on the way out.”

“Your blind loyalty to those clowns is exhausting.” “Some of them you like,” Kevin reminded him. “Don’t you dare,”

Nathaniel "Hello Jean" Wesninski vs Jean "Go away" Moreau

This whole conversation went very differently compared to tkm: like there Neil came, dropped a metaphorical bomb, glossed over the explanation and went away trying to convince Andrew they are something

Jean was ambushed by two of his most complicated acquaintances (???) and their "pet goalkeeper" (god I need Andrew's reaction to this "nickname", but I guess no one will ever say this to his face, Neil would be too busy fighting you at the suggestion to ever repeat it), had his worldwiew turned upside down with no chance of having a say in the matter, then was left alone with Kevin Day and the aftermath.

So yes two different conversation; also I kinda forgot of the deal about Neil and his smile

“Everyone who has tried to tame him has failed.”

All for the game: a summary

There was no getting away; there was only getting through.

Jean Moreau who (hasn't) hurt you, part some of too many

What really makes it messed up is that on one hand there was Riko and his mad cruelty and on the other there was an entire team of bystanders At Best: some people were an active part and then pretended, no sympathy for them; others decided to ignore the truth to survive and get what they wanted, which I can understand but I guess they still didn't have the decency to shut up when Jean got away. The anger that crawled through my skin when the smear campaign and the notebook/postcards/magnets thing happened. You should have stayed silent until the end you fucks.

“Do it, then. It wouldn’t take much; we all know I have brittle bones.”

Jeremy pov kinda gave you whiplash, with him waking up super early, helping homeless men, but then you start noticing all the things he avoids almost effortlessly and like, what are you hiding sunshine man??

What actually broke me about his povs was him noticing all these details about Jean, and then misinterpreting them, bc whatever he's been through Jean has had it 100 times worse and this doesn't even factor in Jeremy world. I'm pretty sure he'll get the whole truth in the end and I'm scared of what it'll do to him.

Also Jean being like Ravens always had to keep secrets and then spilling most of them almost unprompted, let's laugh in order not to cry

“He hasn’t played a clean game in years,” Kevin admitted, “but he knows how to follow orders. If you tell him to submit, he will.” “Literally the most awkward way you could’ve worded it,” Jeremy said.

This will keep coming back, Kevin please. (He 100% ships it, one of us)

The Foxes catching the too tired Trojans and Jeremy being like, you are all approved (I need the two teams to interact now)

Also the Trojans being like how are they still standing, Neil how are you still running??

Someone pointed out they wanted Neil to interact with Jeans closest teammates bc if he is a madman by Jean standards, what would normal people make of him? To which yes, but also guys consider this: Neil said to Cat and Laila that they were terrifying after the semifinal, he took a step back when Jeremy opened the door and silently invited him in. I need Neil and the floozies to interact so Neil can experience real fear.

Mafia bosses have nothing on wholesome people, the true weakness of one Neil Josten

Jean immediately hanging up on Jeremy will never not be funny

When you get to the title of the book and it's Jean insulting people <3

I will Never, NEVER, get over the "nineteen". Never.

I love Abby but when she told that bit about fighting back, It Hurt. She probably didn't really mean it and didn't know everything bc how are you supposed to keep fighting when you are fifteen, alone and forsaken in a place that is built to break you? As it has been pointed out, Neil had rebellion beaten into him by a mother that chose him and ran; Jean had a sister that he hoped to protect and parents that sold him away like property. Five months were actually a long time.

Dobson keeps being iconic, I don't know what to think about the I don't know how exy works bit: I mean I've been obsessing with this and still don't know how exy works (plz don't hate me), but at the same time it was such a power move and got Jean to talk

“Of course it’d be you, you tedious malcontent.” “Good morning to you, too.” Nathaniel held up an oversized bandage.

You see why I need more of their interactions, right?

Nathaniel was different; he always would be. He wasn’t a Raven, but he was, same as Jean. He was Jean’s misplaced forever partner, an unfulfilled promise Jean had stopped believing in years ago.

You can now be forever partners while you tear down your families :)

I think that I'm stuck on the two of them bc while Kevin broke a promise to save himself (to which no hate, when dealing with madmen like Riko you have to save yourself) and still couldn't, not completely, Neil was a promise made and broken by other people. Jean hates him bc they were supposed to share a destiny and all the misery, but I think very deep down he knows that if Nathaniel had come to the Nest they would still be nursing wounds and appeasing a tyrant. Neil is the one that stood against Riko when Kevin wanted to hide, the one that gave him courage by example, the one that dragged Jean away from the Ravens, both for selfish reasons (taking down Riko) and better ones (paying him back for saving his life a the Nest).

But still

“You are only here now because you are an abominable cockroach,”

Funny how Neil forgot to tell us about the breakdown about Kevin's tattoo, he was probably thinking about the match. Junkie.

The cheese drawer guys, ???

To this day I still can't decide what was more iconic: Kevin Day switching playing hand halfway through the game and pretty much scoring everything until the last second, Neil being so fast that it made up for him being a shitty defender, Andrew crossing the court to keep Neil from being murdered (I'm biased, but still iconic moments all of them)

Experiencing this match from Jean's pov was amazing writing, like the countdown of the last ten seconds, the Riko-Neil bit without volume but from a different angle (I didn't really realize everyone was able to see the King attempting murder live on TV, but hey perspective)

Run, Jean thought. He didn't know if he was thinking it at Andrew or Nathaniel. Run.

"That wasn't a miracle," Jean typed out. "That was the Foxes."

:')

When Jean found about Riko though :'(

The shudder that wracked his chest should have been revulsion, but it fell dangerously short. This didn't feel like joy or relief; it only felt like loss. [...] Who was he without them?"

I loved that he woke up to Renee and Neil though, the rainbow and the witness

Renee always hitting the point, this wonderful girl

"Maybe you're mourning the wreckage he made of your life. You're allowed to grieve what he took from you."

"It's impressive, isn't it? How easily these monsters die in the end."

Neil Abram Josten said I'm done letting monsters ruin my life and my people, he actually promised.

When he called him Neil guys, tears

Also I found peculiar that when thinking about the room he destroyed Jean calls it "Neil's dorm room", not Kevin's who he's known for actually longer. It's what makes me think that they have a chance at not being misplaced forever anymore.

Renee either hits you with hidden wisdom of the universe or with practical and brutal advice, and we love her for that

The two of them, the Two Of THEEEEEEEEM

Jean noticed how Andrew and Neil moved like they were caught in each other's gravity, in each other's space more than they were out of it, cigarette smoke and matching armbands and lingering looks when one fell out of orbit for too long.

Just leaving this here.

The airport bit :'(

"Men like Wymack didn't exist. They couldn't; they shouldn't."

Enter Jeremy Knox and his yo-yo in the middle of said airport. Flawless.

This man was put on Earth to test Jean, at least that's what he will keep thinking from here on

The rest of this book is Jean having conversations with people and not understanding them, bc he's been living for five (seven) years in a cult. It is an escalation pretty painful to watch, I think the Trojans are all of us :'(

Question: will Jean end up teaching Jeremy French? Will Jeremy learn by himself? I think I'd probably prefer the latter

Cat, the mess, the music, the tour, I love her so much

Jeremy "he's a little off" Knox, he was trying

Barkbark von Barkenstein

Jean Moreau and the real world (bubble tea? you have to shop for stuff? you sign things yourself? you leave campus? someone help this disoriented french bean)

"Something had gone horribly wrong at Evermore"

oh Jeremy

Watching Jeremy regret almost all his questions :'(

“Three fractured ribs. Sprained LCL. Twisted ankle. Broken nose. That’s most of it.” That’s most of it.

Laila, who pushed and got angry for Jean and didn't back down despite him lashing out, my beloved

You look like a Ken doll." + "This isn't blond."

"Not Grayson.[...] Please." that one made me sick, the writing made me feel even only a part of what Jean was feeling and it was enough to feel sick

The water :'(

Jean just leaving when confronted with Laila and Jeremy in swimsuits was very bi of him

Lucas coming in looking like a well know nightmare and the Ravens dropping like flies

I didn't ask.

It's not like I didn't know, right? But I still died inside

Zane and the betrayal

Jeremy didn’t let him get away with it. “That’s not the issue and you know it. I don’t want to crowd you.” “You are not them,” Jean said. “Kevin would not have sent me here if you were.”

Jean taking one look at the doctor sent by the coaches and going nope, Dobson will be definitely better

Jeremy seeing the nightmares and the scars and not being able to do much:(

A hand on his chin startled him into looking up. When he met Jean’s eyes, Jean only said, “Focus on what’s important.” “I am,” Jeremy said. Jean opened his mouth, closed it again, and let go of Jeremy without a word. Jeremy snagged his arm when he started to turn away. “Who did this to you?”

I'm sorry did he just

“It’s not about size, anyway.” “Defensive,” Jean said, tugging his glove straps with his teeth. Jeremy straightened in indignation. “I don’t have anything to be defensive about.” Jean lost his grip and bit his lip, and Jeremy hurried on before either of them could think too much about that double entendre.

“Say ‘yes, Jeremy’.” He had the distinct impression Jean wanted to roll his eyes. “Yes, Jeremy.” Jeremy forgot everything else he could have said in favor of staring. It was the first time he’d heard Jean say his name.

Are you seeing this? Yes? Good, let's go on

“If I ever make you uncomfortable or make you feel unsafe, will you promise to tell me? If you don’t trust me enough to tell me what’s wrong and why, at least trust me enough to tell me that something is wrong. I can’t fix things if I don’t know there’s a problem. As your captain and your partner, don’t I at least deserve the chance to not be a villain in your story?”

The pool bit :'( and after when they tell there are no pools at Evermore. Riko is so lucky to already be dead :)

You’re forcing us to hurt you without giving us any say in the matter.”

Watching Jean trying to navigate his interactions with the Trojans was painful, frustrating but also hopeful. This boy has been hurt so much and so often, he doesn't get what normal looks like anymore. But the Trojans don't let him get away with it (even if it breaks their heart and the coaches will probably get a lot of grey hair from this)

"Your safety and happiness will always be more important than our season.” “You are naïve.” “Maybe you’ll define success by how we do this season, but I’m not obligated to do the same. You are going to be my success story: Jean Moreau the person, not Jean Moreau of the perfect Court. You take care of one, and I’ll take care of the other.” “That is not how it works.” “Is there a rule against it?” “There is no merit to it. This is all I am.” Jeremy ignored that and asked again, “Is there a rule against it?”

Jeremy gay panicking and the photo of Renee

The floozy line!

Every time Jeremy goes "our coaches" or "our teammates" all I can think in my head is "someone will die" "of fun!!!!"

Jean wondering if the Trojans have something against recruiting tall players xD

“Thank you for worrying about them. You’re a good man, Jean Moreau.” “A ridiculous sentiment,” he said. “I mean it,”

This man didn't even second guess himself, he had to ask because he knew and it didn't even occur to him to be silent. Excuse me sir? Shut up you are a good man

“I assumed the Trojans were idiots,” Jean said. “Now I think you are all insane.” “It’s a step up,” Cody said. “I’ll take it.”

The practices, the scars pt2

“It is all I am, Coach.”

“We did not want outsiders at Evermore.” “Except Neil,” Cat said. “Neil was a special case,” Jean allowed.

#accurate

You’re hurting me.” “It has been toward for five years,” Jean said, looking past Jeremy at the scrimmage that was still going on without them. “It is not that easy to undo.” Jeremy frowned at him and echoed, “Five? You were only with the Ravens for three.” “I moved into Evermore two years before I enrolled,” Jean said, and hauled Jeremy to one side. The stray ball that had been coming for them ricocheted off his chest instead of Jeremy’s back, and Jean scooped it up on the rebound with a quick snap of his wrist. He hurled it across the court toward Cody one-handed before finally letting go of Jeremy. “I will try harder.”

The notebooks breakdown hurt so bad bc Cat and Laila being angry for him (they are all of us), Jeremy trying to mediate bc he's been there, he pushed and Jean broke and he doesn't want to hurt him, and Jean who confesses his secrets without meaning to, just to realize and panic. What a recipe for a disaster.

“How dare they blame you for anything after what they did to you. How dare you grieve them.” It hit like a sucker punch, but Jean’s frustrated rejoinder was worse: “They don’t know.”

They don't know, but they could guess. They could smell the blood. They joked about his brittle bones. He was sixteen. I'm not sorry for the mercy I don't have after finishing this book

Jeremy could only watch in wretched silence as Jean tried to walk himself back from the edge. He cast his phone aside in favor of catching Jean’s face in his hands, and the way Jean flinched at his touch was almost his undoing. “Hey,” he said quietly. “Hey. Jean. Look at me.” Jean refused, and Jeremy grasped desperately for anything that could bring Jean back to him. He seized on the only thing he could and threw Jean’s words back at him: “You are Jean Moreau. Your place is here with me, with us. I’m your captain. You’re my partner. We’re supposed to be doing this together, aren’t we? Stop leaving me behind. Look at me.” It wouldn’t work, but it did. Jean opened his eyes to meet Jeremy’s stare. “I told you not to ask me about him.”

I had seen the quote before reading but no one told me what followed ç.ç

He felt a tremor in Jean’s hands, and for a blinding moment he was sure Jean would lean into the safety of this silent confession. But Jean only sucked in a slow breath and said, “Now I am not safe with you, captain.” Letting go of Jean was the hardest thing Jeremy had ever done. Everything in him railed against this, and for a moment he regretted giving Jean a way out.

I was not crying, I swear.

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy said, because he didn’t have the strength for small talk or a softer approach right now. “Did Riko break your hand?”

That was one heavy conversation and it's just the start (Jeremy is Not Fine™️)

He is not used to having a voice, and he has never had power. I cannot promise he will ever talk to you.” “I will wait as long as it takes,” Jeremy said.

Still best boy

And maybe in many ways he still was, but a martyr could still be a monster when the cameras weren’t rolling.

Boy do I have news for you (do you think Jeremy will know that Riko didn't kill himself? Does it matter? I think not knowing this particular detail would be fine, I still don't really know how much this sunshine boy can take (more than I expected but still))

Did I mention that I really love the apartment trio? Cat and Laila agreeing to silence but still being angry (drag them girls, draaaaag them), the dinner and movie and Jean not getting up to leave

Did I mention Lucas is free to shut up and play? :) Because I get that you are angry, but 1) it's not your decision to make, we don't need your conspiracy theories 2) it's not Jean problem, he has enough of them leave him alone

“Ask him why he’s so sure the rumors are true. Ask him what his part in it was. If you’re going to believe him just because he’s blood, then at least make him tell you the truth.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Lucas demanded.

And Jean still deciding not to lie, he may be an asshole but almost everyone he has known didn't deserve him

Also I don't know where Lucas got the audacity? You think there is something the justifies breaking a player's ribs?? What is wrong with you, you are part of the sunshine court

The dread when asking if Grayson was home

The bike ride :')

Now that they were settled, he expected an interrogation or a reason for this unscheduled trip out. When she failed to explain herself, Jean finally asked, “Why are we here?” “I love it here,” [...] “I don’t know. I just felt like some fresh air would do you good. There’s nothing like a ride to get you out of your head and into the moment, you know?” Jean considered that for a minute. “Thank you.”

Jean waited until he was out of earshot. “I don’t understand.” “Trust us,” Jeremy said tiredly. “Neither do we.”

Jean vs the Trojans, a summary

The monster shows up and it was a mess and Jean has never had a break, literally never

Which was extremely literal bc Lucas wanted to talk and then Neil shows up

I need a separate post for the last pages bc I started this 24 h ago and I want to do it justice. So part 2 coming.

Edit: I misspelled Jean's surname *facepalms and goes to hide*

#tsc #the sunshine court #i didn't know how much i would end up caring about this french boy #new son acquired #tsc spoilers #the sunshine court spoilers #spoilers #aftg #incoherent whatever

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13eyond13 · 10 months

Note

a friend of mine who isn't into Death Note asked me why people ship Lawlight. I gave her a pretty good answer but I feel that couldn't encapsulate it fully and you are the most articulate/analyzer person I can think of here, can you help me?

omg, I'm flattered you think that, but a bit worried I won't be able to speak for everybody about this! I'll probably just have to mostly say why I like to ship it and hopefully that will suffice...

1) the constant tension and the mind games between them is the heart and soul of the series to me. Light's a complicated character that is both very entertaining to follow and also sort of an infuriating bastard to watch as well, so when L waltzes in being like "HOLD ON A MINUTE HERE I KNOW IT'S YOU AND I'M DEFINITELY GONNA PROVE IT" and Light both seems to get extremely excited about how clever he is and also horrified and determined not to lose, that makes for a very charged dynamic that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Light's curiously positive reactions to L opposing him, as well as the way L intuitively understands him and pushes his buttons so effectively, is definitely one of the funniest and most intriguing things to watch in the entire show.

2) there's a lot going on in the narrative to continuously draw parallels between them and to sort of suggest that they're the true equal and peer that the other one has never actually had their entire lives, the solution to the boredom and loneliness and aloof superiority they've both been feeling due to their above-average intelligence and privileged positions and ambitious competitive stubborn streaks and so on. People love that and also find it super tragic/angsty or fascinatingly ironic and darkly funny that they end up only meeting in an enemies, "you're the closest thing to a real friend I've ever had but one or the other of us will have to die" sort of way

3) This part of their relationship also gets me as well - they probably would not have easily met if Light HADN'T been Kira, because L never has to meet any of the people he works alongside nor any of the criminals he catches in person - Light was just good enough at being a criminal to force L to meet him in person, basically. And there's also no guarantee that if they DID meet in other circumstances that they would have clicked so weirdly well as they do, because their cat and mouse game was probably the best way they could both impress each other the most and prove their own intelligence and entertainingness to each other as well. The immense difficulty of setting up this ship so that it actually works is part of the enduring appeal to me.

4) I think there's just a lot of intrigue to how much is left unsaid between them the entire time. They literally never get to have an actual straightforward heart-to-heart even once in the story, but they're seen obsessively thinking about each other the entire time (and Light continues to do so for years after L's death, even to the point of comparing everyone else who opposes him to L unfavorably after his death and admitting he feels bored again now that L is gone). I think a lot of fans were kind of dying to see them interact in a more straight-forward way

5) the handcuffs are certainly fairly suggestive and kinky hahaha... and the memory loss arc definitely brings up a lot of interesting "what if" type scenarios in every shipper's mind. Not everybody is convinced that they really hate each other, and seeing them work together on the case like that causes a lot of people to think about how they might get along if Light had never picked up the notebook in the first place. The fandom has a lot of people who really like the idea of them together whenever Light isn't Kira, and also a lot of people who think their dynamic is superior and works better when Light IS Kira - and having both of these different dynamics between them presented to us in canon makes for even more interesting possibilities to explore

#there is probably more to it than that as well #but these were the main things i could think of off the top of my head #ask #anon #lawlight #p

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waspsinyouryard · 2 months

Text

I don't really think that the people in my life get my sense of humor.

And I will say that this is puzzling to me. I put literal years of effort into my jokes but they all fall flat? Is there something I'm missing here? I'll try to describe my most recent joke so you can get an idea, even if the comedy is somewhat diminished by this post not taking multiple years to read, you know?

I'm like six years old, and I'm accompanying my mom in the store. I see this woven basket, and I'm like "wouldn't it be really funny if I just pretended to really like woven baskets?" So I take interest in the basket. I'm like, "wow, mommy, can we get this basket?" and she's kinda confused but says yes.

Then I just carry that basket with me everywhere. I ask my teachers and parents about how woven baskets are made. I beg my parents to get me one whenever I see woven baskets. I tell all my friends about them. They all get me woven baskets for my birthday. My parents get me woven baskets for Christmas. Suffice to say, I am THE woven basket enthusiast. It's been that way for the majority of my life.

And then last week I did the grand reveal: I don't really care about woven baskets. But instead of laughing, they were just really confused. They asked me things like "why did you pretend to be obsessed with woven baskets" or "in what world is that funny and not just deeply bizarre" but I didn't know how to respond (in part because I was laughing so hard at my own joke that I couldn't say anything)

#to clarify: no this isn't real #I did not spend years of my life pretending to be really interested in woven baskets #instead i was randomly thinking and i was like ''what if i made a joke that isn't really funny and made even less funny by the amount #of time it takes to get the idea across about a joke that is unfunny and made even less funny by the amount of time it takes to get the idea #across.'' like that was literally my exact thought process

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eva-knits12 · 10 months

Text

Can we behave like adults, and not middle schoolers?

Because of some recent controversy involving Chris Evans, can we please start behaving more like adults, and not like middle schoolers? Since a lot of people are angry about the last few days, and today, guess what? You're feelings are valid. If you feel upset and sad, guess what? You're feelings are valid. If you feel calm, and know that this is going to blow over in a day or so, guess what? Your feelings are valid. If you think that Chris Evans is a horrible person, guess what? Your feelings are valid. If you think that the trash princess is the greatest thing since sliced bread? Your feelings are valid.

Guess what? We are all adults. We are people. We are people who have different feelings and we are people with different opinions.

If someone has a different opinion than you, fine. That person's opinion is valid. If you think someone is wrong, don't get angry at them, when a simple I disagree will suffice. You are all angry and shocked again over a few rings that are making this whole thing laughable. You had to see this coming again. You are giving this attention, because this is what the trash princess wants. This is the last time I'm going to say this, but the less attention you give this entire PR stunt, the better, and guess what? The sooner it ends.

I've said what I needed to say, so I'm going to stop saying anything about this right now. I've expressed my opinion, and my opinion is just as valid as anyone else's, but guess what? I'm adult enough to express my opinion and move on, I don't try to shut the other person down, I don't get angry and I don't force my opinion down someone else's throat. Instead, I'm grown up enough to let them express their opinion, and if I disagree with that person, then a simple I disagree suffices. There's no need to act like a bunch of middle schoolers because both teams seem to be the in-clique to be in right now.

There's other things we can talk about. Talk about obsessed. I think both Team PR and Team Real are too obsessed about every little thing Chris Evans does. I don't even pay too much attention to the tabloids, in fact, I don't read them. But guess what? If I don't want to read an article, then I don't read it. If tabloids are even claiming that this is PR stunt is BS, that's saying something!

Team PR, you're feelings and your opinions are valid. Team Real, who I think are delusional, their opinions and feelings are also valid. Can we all stop pretending to be in middle school cliques? Guess what? If you don't want to respond to a person, then don't respond to them.

Your pissed because Chris did the same thing on a TV show that nobody watches? Boy, I don't even feel sorry for anyone right now.

I know that this is PR. I don't watch The View, so his appearance on it was no skin off my nose. Guess what I did? I went to the fancy mall in my area, Somerset Collection, had lunch with my mom and aunt, then we went and picked up my mom's package. We went shopping after, and didn't buy anything. We were looking for ideas for Christmas presents. In other words, I got out and was living life.

Now, I'm watching Cinderella in my PJ's and knitting a keyhole scarf. Yes, I'm a Disney adult. I have other interests, too. I'm complicated.

I'm 44 years old. To quote Danny Glover, I'm too old for this shit.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

Be excellent to each other.

#chris evans #pr stunt #ted talks

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 1 year

Note

makenzie!! batman adaptation discussion for you: it could be argued that there are small elements of camp in batman begins (jonathan crane & falcone embodying them specifically, but also zsasz a little bit lmao), that are nearly obliterated in the two sequels... like nolan was toying with the idea of letting loose, mayhaps. it's really interesting to me, especially because batman begins is arguably the most boring film of the three. would love to know if you have thoughts on this

(my thoughts are getting away from me but also like how does this compare to the kind of camp in batman 2022?? neither are very similar to the 80s/90s films)

hi Elizabeth!!! I was waiting to answer this because I thought my Batman movie club was going to knock out all three Nolan movies pretty quick and I could give a more informed answer, but alas - we've hit a hiatus after Batman Begins, so that's all I'm going to have to work with and it's going to have to suffice because I don't want to leave this sitting in the inbox any longer.

I think for the most part Nolan's Batman movies are too wildly self conscious to qualify for true camp status, but without having revisited the Dark Knight and Rises yet I think I can agree that Begins has the most flirtation with maybe getting a little silly? I think Zsasz is too minor to make much of a dent in the all-consuming self-seriousness, but Cillian Murphy is really breathlessly committed to the Scarecrow and playing him as a straight-up comic book villain in a way that doesn't get to happen much later in the series. he tells Batman to lighten up while he sets him on fire, which rules and would, I think, probably not be allowed in the later movies. he ends the movie wearing a straightjacket riding a stolen police horse and gets immediately taken out by a lawyer with a taser! he's giving us everything he has to give! he has like four minutes of screen time and all of them are perfect.

I do think it's very interesting that throughout all three movies, Nolan is picking out antagonists who are known for being like. BOMBASTICALLY weird and over the top - Scarecrow! Two-Face! Catwoman! Bane! the fucking Joker!!! an entire secret society of assassins, COME ON - and then kind of fighting against the very nature of these characters to make them fit into the world he's envisioned, with mixed results; Harvey and Selina and Bane in particular all fall pretty flat for me. like, fuck, where's Lady Shiva's movie? not that she's not also on some freak shit, but a vicious martial artist obsessed with proving herself against the best fighters in the world seems way easier to fit into a grounded Bat universe in a way that doesn't feel anticlimactic than, say, a bad CGI Two-Face who almost immediately gets murdered. there were options!

anyway I've gotten way off topic, but I agree that Begins had the most wiggle room to set the tone for the universe by virtue of being the first and it did Try Some Things, especially with the presentation and pomp of the League of Shadows, as well as some of Bruce's Brucier moments when he's playing up his rich dolt image, but ultimately a lot of it got rejected in the latter installations in favor of getting ever grimmer.

comparing it to the 2022 movie is REALLY INTERESTING because they're both very dark and gritty, tonally, and I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out why one of them mostly works for me and the other one mostly doesn't (although I'll preface this by saying that they both have high and low points, especially: re their casting; Murphy's Scarecrow is inspired in a mostly bland movie and Paul Dano's Riddler is miserable in a mostly excellent movie, etc).

for me personally a lot of it comes down to how much trust the respective directors seem to be willing to put in their audiences to buy in and accept Batman as a story for what it is; this is largely what I mean when I say Nolan seems insecure in his story. Batman Begins, in particular, has much of its first hour bogged down by explanations of where every individual piece of Bat costuming and tech comes from, almost like Nolan feels a need to look at the audience and prove that it totally makes sense and could work; it comes across like he was specifically anticipating and writing for people who would call Batman's gadgetry unrealistic plot holes, and preemptively apologizing for what Batman is. the whole trilogy comes across as similarly cringing, like it can't quite shake being embarrassed by where it comes from.

The Batman 2022, to me, is sort of tonally similar, in that it's very grounded in the crime and corruption and grimiest parts of Gotham, but it reminds me much more of stories like the Long Halloween the way it's taking place in a sweaty haze version of the city that feels like a fever dream. everything is so heightened where Nolan's movies are so grounded as to be miserably earthbound; from the opening narration Bruce is already a prowling, larger than life shadow who calls himself a creature of the night and sulks around his miserable gothic mansion in running eye makeup while flinching from the sunlight. Reeves doesn't waste a fucking second explaining what Batman is or why Batman is because you are a 21st century moviegoer, you know what and why Batman is and we have shit to do. he already knows Gordon, the Joker is already in prison, the Batmobile is a muscle car that looks goddamn possessed and no, you don't need to worry about where it came from.

the whole movie is wrapped is this fucking. vaguely horny neon ambiance where you mostly know the rules but also have this sense that anything weird could happen at any moment; it's a space that is operating without powers or anything too outlandish for now but very much feels like it has room for a Poison Ivy or a Scarecrow twisting your mind, for a Clayface making you paranoid as you don't know who to trust. it's a gorgeous world to play in and I think it's going to lend itself much more to adapting the world, much more so than the Nolan movies where the addition of each new iconic character just came with the question of how much would be stripped away and flattened to make them fit in. camp requires that kind of playful artifice, things masquerading as other things, to work, and I think Batman 2022 really nailed that.

#thee batman #batman 2022 #nolanverse

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r0-boat · 2 years

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Gwa!Submas more in depth

( with one star appearance ; ) )

Gift for @nc-eikin as a thank you for Tarzan!submas

Cw: mentions of yandere, monster fucking, daddy kink.

Afab reader

they would make special audios for their darling. Only for their ears to listen to. May or may not go all out. If their lover likes monsters then it will be monster audios; if they want yandere, then oh boy, they will kick up the possessive level.

Include all of their Darlings most favorited Kinks. Ingo, Emmet or both would lay in bed with you and urge you to try it.

" Close your eyes dear, but you can't open them."

" Trust us darling, we've worked verrry hard on this."

You put your headphones in your ear and listen. Not even minutes into it they start touching you. you whimper almost squealing in shock when you feel fingers brush into your hair at the same time it happens in the audio.You almost open your eyes but you feel hands covering them "ah ah ah, verrry bad listener~ keep those pretty eyes closed~"

Watch anime? Play games? Have a favorite title?? You can tell dear Emmet about it. He totally won't use it to his advantage in his next post ; )

Ingo lowkey Kink shames you lol. he asks you what your favorite audio is to know what his audience is normally into he can take notes on what he can improve. And oh how is Skitty smile drops when you talk about the most darkest audio he has? That yandere one where he is a priest trying to manipulate you into being with him??

"oh...?" he says with a dark look. " I can't say that I'm surprised with a sinner like you," he says, backing you against counter, his whole body pressed against yours. He grabs your chin with his fingers forcing you to look up at him. " Don't tempt me again, dear; I may be a pious man. But even the most righteous of men have the most ravenous of demons," he growls before kissing your forehead and walking out of the kitchen like nothing fucking happened.

You get to read the comments and smirk at how many people thirst for their voices knowing that they can't have what you have.

Emmet gets low-key jealous if he sees you listening to other people's audio. Nothing too far. He just gets a little pouty and asks what do they have in their audio that he doesn't have in his. You laugh and say a hot dilf voice. And he just grabs you by the shoulders, pinning you to the bed. Immediately lowering his voice to a rough, husky tone, " Don't toy with me, little girl... Unless you want to be warming Daddy's fat cock later, I suggest you don't push any more of his buttons."

You love the wholesome moments all three of you share after watching a movie the both of you are immediately invested in talking about it. The two are talking about an audio idea inspired by the film, and you're entirely for it. You are giving them more ideas and feeding into their new obsession, watching them unable to hold their excitement.

And then you have the overworked Gremlin side. Where you have to beg Emmet to go to sleep because it's 2 hours past midnight on his day off with eye bags under his eyes while he edits his audio because his computer corrupted it.

Ingo has a different reaction when he sees you listening to another person's audio. You gush about this one women's GWA account, 'Mr.Cl0dsire,' you swoon about how she's so talented, and her voice has such a range; suffice to say you sort of have an internet crush on her suave voice. Ingo hiding a smile, just raises an eyebrow 'oh...?' how intriguing. Not too long ago, he just got a DM from her absolutely praising him for his voice work... Since they've been mutuals for quite a while, maybe he can pull some strings~ and have a very special audio made just for you with a special guest~.

Let's just say if you ever were in a relationship with these two you're fucked : )

And I have yet to mention that Emmet would totally sneak up on you while you were listening to something. And slide a thick toy inside of you. ( your permission ahead of time, of course) pounding your poor cunt, silly.

Ingo learning how to voice your favorite character just to see you squirm.

Or both twins are sitting you down with hearts in their eyes, asking What audio you would like them to do because they want nothing more than to see that smile on your face.

Emmet would it get a mischievous look on your face and urge you to put in your earbuds while you sit next to him on the train. You try to hide your now reddening face as you heard his voice whisper naughty things into your ear, the lewd sounds from his hand stroking his wet cock. All the while feeling his eyes glued upon you, his hand grouping your thigh.

#smut #pokemon submas smut #Submas #pokemon ingo #pokemon emmet x reader #subway boss emmet #ingo x reader #gwa #pokemon x reader smut #emmet x reader #Pokemon

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cookinguptales · 1 year

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travel rambling!! under the cut!! because I do intend to ramble!! a lot!!

like if you thought that wwdits was a hyperfixation of mine, you've never heard me talk about some of the religious traditions I've studied. lmao

SO first of all, religious syncretism is when elements of two or more religions/traditions are incorporated into religious practice. A crossover episode, if you will, and I am obsessed with it. When I was in college studying religions and folklore, it quickly became a driving force in my intellectual curiosity.

I've always been really interested in how people pick and choose from different traditions to create their own personal belief systems, and syncretic religions can be this on a micro or macro level. We could be talking about something as individualized as a self-identified pagan assembling a collection of beliefs and rituals from various world mythologies and written/online sources, or we could be talking about something as established as Louisiana Voodoo, which is a syncretic religion with strong influences from Roman Catholicism, various West African religions, and Haitian Vodou.

Syncretic religions form in a lot of ways... immigration, colonialism, natural spread of tradition, purposeful assemblage of disparate ideas, etc. Sometimes there's a history of blood, sometimes a history of love, sometimes a little bit of both. And man, I feel like there's just something so human about it.

The thing I love best about stories is the way they grow and change within us. When you hear a story, you resonate with certain parts of it. You remember some parts best. And when you retell that story, you can't help but imbue it with a little bit of your own self. The parts you loved and the parts you hated and the parts you want to emphasize or deemphasize or embellish. You can't hear a story without taking it into yourself, and you can't tell one without making it your own -- even if you retell it word for word.

And I guess religious syncretism is the final form of that, a little bit? Taking ingredients from every part of your life, real and imagined and studied and genetic, and mixing them together into the precise stew that nourishes you best, either on an individualized or communal level.

I digress.

I started out with Egyptology in school, abandoned that for several reasons, and realized what I really loved learning about was religion, especially on a practical and/or vernacular level. (i.e. what people actually do rather than the ur version of whatever philosophy we're talking about.) Then Some Stuff Happened and I added on East Asian Languages and Civilizations and really started leaning into learning about Japanese folklore and religions, especially once I started studying in Kyoto.

When I was studying in Japan, I really wanted to learn a lot about Shinto. The concepts behind it had been kind of ill-defined for me, and I wanted to really nail down what people were even talking about when they talked about Shinto. But... to my surprise, even the Japanese people I talked to were really vague on the subject. Which made sense, I guess, as I learned more about it.

I was really, really lucky, actually, because a professor who knew quite a lot about Shinto came to teach at my (American) school shortly before I graduated. It's not easy to find good classes on that subject in the US, especially outside of the west coast and Hawaii. But we had a whole symposium where experts from all over the world came and discussed various research projects on the subject and I was So Happy. lmao

I'm not... gonna get too into Shinto right now. My final assignment for that class, IIRC, was to write a 15 (20?) page paper on the topic "what is Shinto?" so that... might give you an idea of how complicated the question is. lmao.

Suffice it to say, for now, that Shinto is a name that we've retroactively applied to a series of disparate practices and belief systems in what would eventually become Japan. So... in that respect, it's an indigenous religion of Japan, or at least a modern understanding of many of them.

(People think of Japan as one cohesive country because it is now, but maybe think of that period as being more like Ancient Greece? Lots of small little villages and towns (think city-states) that were separated by topographical features and therefore had their own cultures before they were unified into the country we know of as Japan much later.)

Shinto, as a modern concept... ugh, it's still super complicated. There are deities or spirits called kami, and there are several big, important ones like Amaterasu and Susanoo, but also there's just this thought that almost everything can contain a kami because everything has a spirit. (It's animism, baby.) So there is a spirit of that big boulder, a spirit of that mountain, a spirit of that tree, and they're all kami. There are literally thousands of kinds of kami, and they're everywhere at all times. People can become kami after they die, man-made objects can become kami. (Sort of Velveteen Rabbit style.) And in Shinto shrines, these kami are enshrined and venerated and kept happy. Like any deity, they can help or they can hurt, y'know?

There's... a lot more to it than that, some of it extremely political, but that's the essence of it, I think. Kami veneration. (What that entails is... debatable, too! haha)

God, and that was my short version. That's not even what I wanted to talk about.

All that is to say that that's what I was trying to study my first time in Japan. The second time I was in Japan (a few years ago) I heard about Shugendo, which is a highly syncretic mountain-based religion in Japan that has dwindled quite a bit over the years, but not entirely.

Shugendo, to my understanding, is a syncretic religious tradition comprised of elements from Shinto, Buddhism (especially Esoteric Buddhism), and local traditions about local deities. It's extremely mountain-centric, and most important places in Shugendo are on top of mountains. (Which... make them very difficult for my disabled ass to get to.)

The point, though, is the climb. It's a highly ascetic tradition, so practitioners, or yamabushi, would often push themselves to their physical and mental limits. They'd live out in the wilderness, often alone for long periods of time, and make do with what they found out there. One of the places we're going has a very distinct food tradition just because it's largely born out of the increasingly creative scavenging yamabushi would do while out on the mountain. They figured out how to eat a lot of things that most people would not eat. lmao

The important part here, though, is near-constant meditation and going to a sacred place (the mountain) and becoming one with that sacrality. It's trying to find enlightenment through nature and the divine. It feels similar to the Romantic concept of the sublime to me, y'know? And there's stuff about gaining superhuman spiritual powers through all this, too, though I don't know as much about that. (YET.)

One of the reasons why it's kind of hard to learn about is that there are very few practitioners these days. This is partially due to a generally dwindling number of people who identify as religious in Japan, partially because there were never that many practitioners to start with, and partially because... it was illegal for a while! (More on that later.)

Man, though, I wanna learn about it.

Shugendo has kind of become my white whale over the last few years, and there's a lot more information now on the internet than there was when I first started learning about it, but it's still often frustratingly vague!

This time, though, my dad was like "well, we're going to be there for quite a while and you already showed me most of the important tourist spots last time, so is there anywhere off the beaten path you really want to go?"

Now. This was a very brave thing to say to me, considering some of the weird-ass places I dragged him to last time. This man turned and looked me in the eye, the same woman who made him go to the moss temple and the cricket temple in the same goddamn day that we wandered through the bamboo forest in Arashiyama at night after I cheerfully told him that the shrine there was most famous for a ghost story. He said it was one of the creepiest experiences of his life!

haha. memories.

anyway. He looked me in the eye and asked me if there was anywhere unusual I wanted to go. And I slapped open a map of Wakayama and was like I WANNA DO THE KUMANO KODO.

Now... I was not going to hike the entirety of an ancient pilgrimage route. Like I said before, my dumb (but highly excitable) ass is disabled. I cannot physically do that. But I wanted to see the main shrines and temples on the route (shrines=Shinto, temples=Buddhist!) and hike a very small portion of the 1000-year-old route, some of which STILL EXISTS AS A ROAD. *_*

And I wanted to go because... Shugendo!!!! The Kumano Kodo is a popular pilgrimage route for yamabushi!!! That whole Kumano region is sacred for practitioners of Shugendo, and I was like! Heck yeah! I can learn a thing!

But... Dad got injured. ;; And I'm used to pain, but he is not. So I'm not going to make the poor man hike. I want him to heal and get better and not strain his torn abdomen too much.

So I kind of abandoned that idea.

(Side note: I was asking Dad what he thought his physical limits were going to be so I didn't overplan and he was like "well, you can't do that much either, so I don't think we'll do too much" and I was like "what do you mean?" And he said "well, there's nothing that'll hurt me that won't hurt you, too, and you're not going to want to hurt yourself to see things." and I was like "hmm" and I realized that my father does not really understand my existence at all. lmao)

Then I was thinking, though, and I remembered reading about sokushinbutsu awhile ago. I wasn't actually thinking about going to see them initially; Dad and I were just driving up the coast and it's a long drive so I was cheerfully rambling. So I was explaining the basic concept to him and I was like "yes, and I heard that one of the temples is so sacred that you have to go barefoot throughout the grounds, even in winter" and I googled where it was, exactly, because I couldn't remember and

YAMAGATA.

I looked at it and I thought about the Dewa Sanzan and I googled how much climbing those mountains actually require and then I was like

hey dad wanna go to some extremely sacred mountains in northern Japan? they let you drive to the shrines.

And he was like "...why those mountains specifically?"

And then I had to tell him about Shugendo, because yessss that's another very important place for it. I'd always sort of associated the idea of sokushinbutsu with Shingon (esoteric) Buddhism and Kukai, the founder of which, because I knew that it was said that he still rests at Koyasan in eternal meditation.

(YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO KOYASAN TOO! *HIGH KICK*)

But! It turns out that it's actually more of a Shugendo tradition, especially in the Yamagata region, though legend does go that Kukai brought the concept to Japan.

So... what is sokushinbutsu?

(CONTENT WARNING uhhh corpses, religious self-harm, starvation, general morbidity, if you google this know that there WILL be pictures.)

Sokushinbutsu are often referred to as living Buddhas or living mummies. The long and short of it is that highly ascetic monks would be mummified, and they would start this process while they were still alive. It's... a pretty difficult process to read about, so I won't go into a ton of detail here, but if you google "sokushinbutsu" you can find way more information.

I will say that it involves slowly reducing food and water intake and increasing the intake of... well, poison, honestly. Both tea made from the Japanese lacquer tree, which has the side effect of sort of lacquering the organs, and local spring water -- which in the case of Yamagata, involves pretty large amounts of arsenic. People all over Japan attempted this process, but by far the highest number of known successful cases are in Yamagata. This is partially because of the popularity of Shugendo there, and partially, people think, because their water had such a high amount of arsenic, which when combined with the loss of adipose tissue and hydration, as well as the lacquer, sort of mummified the organs while the person was still alive.

This process would eventually kill the practitioner, but... I mean, it takes about a decade. This is not something undertaken on a whim. It is an absolutely grueling practice that is considered incredibly sacred. It's a way to ascend past your mortal body and achieve enlightenment, but only for the most devout and devoted practitioners.

(There's a whole lot about ascending past mortal bodies in Buddhism, but I think that and corpse meditation are a different discussion.)

I say that the practitioner "dies", but... I mean, in a scientific sense, yes. These people would die. Shortly before death, they would be placed in a pit underground and essentially buried alive with only a bamboo tube to allow air and sound in and out. They would be given a bell and would periodically ring it to let others know they were still alive. When they stopped ringing the bell, the tube would be removed. They'd come back and check on the body in a few years, and if it had decayed, it was considered a failed attempt and reburied. If it had mummified, it was considered a successful sokushinbutsu and taken out so it could be displayed for veneration.

This is the important part, though. If the process was successful, these are not considered dead bodies. This is a person who achieved Buddhahood while still alive, and they are considered to be in a sort of eternal repose. You go to them to pray and meditate, and often amulets are made from their robes (which are changed every 6-12 years) so people who come to pray can take some of their power home with them.

So... I want to go to learn about Shugendo, but I knew that seeing the sokushinbutsu would be a selling point for Dad... You just have to know how to sell things, I guess.

(You might know from my other posts that I have extremely mixed feelings when it comes to the display of human remains in museums, but I genuinely can't think of a more vociferous consent than the act of sokushinbutsu. Going to see them feels like honoring their wishes, and I do feel that some of them are very beautiful, in a way. So I am looking forward to the experience, though I'll admit to feeling a little trepidation.)

So we will be visiting the Dewa Sanzan, Hagurosan, Gassan, and Yudonosan!

(-san means the same as Mt. in Japanese! so Fujisan is Mt. Fuji. I usually still use -san with mountains out of habit, and Gassan is... incredibly hard to pronounce without doing that, to the point where it is often translated as "Mt. Gassan." lmao. Japanese double consonants are fun.)

The part of this I am most excited about is... Hagurosan has a museum about Shugendo! IN ENGLISH. I cry!!! Apparently one of the yamabushi currently living on Hagurosan is a westerner! Who really wants to teach other westerners about Shugendo! So the Dewa Sanzan website is excellent and I'm so fucking excited to go there and learn.

(They also had yamabushi training programs if you want hands-on knowledge but again. My disabled ass cannot clamber up and down a mountain, unfortunately. ;;)

Yamagata's a large prefecture, though, so the plan is to drive around a bit. We'll be driving between the mountains (but not up Gassan because it'll be too snowy that time of year and I think that one might be hiking-only access...?) and seeing a bunch of shrines and temples. We're also going to spend a night at Hijiori Onsen, a hot spring town in the caldera of an ancient volcano, and a night at *drum roll* a shukubo!

This is Dad indulging me again. Shukubo is a type of shrine or temple lodging. (Usually temple. But this one is a shrine! For reasons I'll get into in a minute!) Essentially, you stay overnight in a religious lodging. You might be invited to attend morning prayers with the monks, specific rituals (Koyasan's are famous for the goma fire rituals), sutra-copying, guided meditation, etc. Traditionally speaking, these were usually stayed at by religious pilgrims, and some were reserved solely for monks, priests, yamabushi, etc. These days anyone can stay at them!

We'll be staying in two during our trip! One at Koyasan, which I hear has tragically become a bit uhhh influencer-y, and this one at Hagurosan.

Now. Why is this a shrine, even though the building was clearly designed to be a temple? Why was Shugendo illegal for a while? Well... I won't get into all the details, but suffice it to say that during different points during Japan's history, either Buddhism or Shinto have been prioritized by the government, and during those periods, the other tended to suffer.

When Buddhism first arrived in Japan in the sixth century CE, it was introduced from China and Korea and had... some settling to do, I guess? Shinto was largely what was accepted in Japan at the time, and people kind of struggled to reconcile the two concepts with each other. Enter the concept of honji suijaku, which is where this baby gets really syncretic.

It's... complicated, like most of this is, but the basic idea is that kami came to be seen as manifestations, or alternate forms, of Buddhist deities. (Buddhas, bodhisattvas, etc.) The Buddhist deity was appearing in the form of kami to better help people in Japan. So the kami and the Buddhist deities were one and the same, just in different guises. These syncretic deities were called "gongen" in Shugendo, which has elements of both religions in it, and were highly venerated.

But... when politics changed and Shinto was again elevated, there was a forcible separation between Buddhist and Shinto spaces. Like... as in an often violent, state-enforced separation. Shugendo, as a syncretic religion of both, was outlawed. At Dewa Sanzan, most Shugendo and/or Buddhist temples converted to Shinto, and they remain that way to this day. (And RIP to many of the Buddhist statues in the area, which have been sadly beheaded.)

So! There are a lot of buildings around there that are clearly Buddhist in origin but have nevertheless become Shinto. The shukubo we're staying at is one of these.

We're gonna see so many temples! So many shrines! We're gonna go to an onsen! We're gonna learn! Some stuff! See! Some things! Some of which are too sacred to even talk about because it's forbidden!

I am excited.

This is only like three days out of a much longer trip but I am like

every time I think about it.

(Okay, I'm actually a little worried about the shrine I'll have to go barefoot for because it's going to be cold as shit and my joints are... bad. But I can manage!)

okay now this is the longest post on earth so I'm gonna stop here, but we're gonna do SO MUCH and we're gonna see SO MUCH and we're gonna learn SO MUCH and my nerdy little heart is on FIRE.

#long post #very very long post #but I put it under a cut because I love you #the travel bug

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