I spent this summer with early morning walks in the woods, listening to light fantasy playlists on spontaneous roadtrips, i took my dog on her first adventures, went fishing, made a display for my swords, baked sweet rolls, whispered to the sea and let her carry me to shore, ate delicious gyros, wore long wavy dresses to the coast, went to pagan rituals, had a picnic with my pets, went to the cooles concerts of the year, climbed trees and dried herbs. This summer i became myself once again.
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Got my YouTube music summer recap
Some inaccuracies
It listed Panda Eyes - Despair as a remix fsr
2 of my top albums were Pandæmonim by Hakos Baelz (an album I never listened to) and The Poolrooms (an album I listened to once)
And It just gave up trying to tell me my top genres
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Summer List 2024 Recap
Above Photo: Lake Ontario
All right so that was the longest summer that ever summered. I don’t think I’ve ever had highs and lows are big as the ones that have happened these past few months, but I wouldn’t change a single second. Here’s a recap of how my summer list of things to do went.
1. Go to a carnival.
Went! It was in a parking lot in Queens, but that still counts.
Above Photo: Queens carnival
2. Eat the soft serve at either Seed + Mill in Chelsea Market or at L’Industrie.
Did it! The Seed + Mill (vegan) tahini soft serve changed my life.
Above Photo: Seed + Mill vegan tahini soft serve
3. Get out of town somewhere fun to celebrate our 15 year anniversary.
We went to Cooperstown! And I wrote about it over here.
Above Photo: Cooperstown, New York
4. Go swimming at least five times.
Oh, I demolished this one. Went over ten times for sure.
5. Make this truffled garlic bread with ricotta.
Did not do! Definitely forgot about this one. But really this is more of a holiday appetizer so stay tuned.
4/5! Very proud of that. Should I be proud of mostly completely a list of purely fun things to do? Absolutely yes. Organized fun should never be reserved only for children.
Autumn list coming tomorrow!
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the summer i gained consciousness
life became a double-edged sword when it happened. i missed the innocence of the before, and abhorred the weight and proclivity of the after. the simplistic moment by moment mindset of childhood made life feel infinite, but then again, enlightenment made me think. it made me ponder things i'd never even given the chance to lend my mind to. summer gave me time. more of it or less is up to you, i suppose. nothing can compare to the infantile eon. the juvenile century of summer. but nothing can compare to the adolescent spiral either. the brain bending mind fucks you take yourself on. like, is time even real? maybe summer really was a century long. do we even exist rn?
time is unique to everyone so make the most of it. or the least. your choice. it's as short or as long as you want.
summer felt stifling this year. it keeps getting hotter and hotter. i guess that's climate change. global warming.
my mind's on fire. i think i felt it smoking. maybe it's because summer leaves the lights on at night -- the sun is still up by nine o'clock -- but i could never sleep very well. i know why. my thoughts were consumed. sometimes it felt like i was going crazy. i'm not convinced that i wasn't. but i think that's when you gotta start writing about it.
i learned to roll with the punches more. i was too caught up in my mind to care much about what was going on around me anyways. i found god in my thoughts and he wasn't a man. he wasn't anything. he was me. or at least a higher self. someone who understood me better than anyone else i know. and she knew i was kind and sensitive and all the things that i could not change. she knew about them and she accepted me. where else do you find that kind of love? it's all within yourself.
but i was far from the point of loving myself. i knew myself too well. i still do. i'm disillusioned with the girl i got to know. i've memorized my rough edges and sour spots off by heart. i know who i am! i know who i am. is there still more to discover? i want to be a mystery to even myself. because i know her too well.
but how strange is it that we always have a desire for more. and when we're given more we are still unsatisfied. there has to be more. that's all we know. all we know is that which we don't know. i think we thrive on that uncertainty. it sparks that creative passion, and without the unknown, that spark will die.
this summer i found myself pondering a world without the thinkers. at first it sounded scary, but then i realized there's already been one. we're living on it.
prehistoric earth, when the world was run on instinct. opinion had no purpose here. it hadn't even been invented yet. life existed on the basis of gut instinct alone. and there was balance! thoughts were mere urges, self-preservational desires. they were desires that kept creatures alive.
it makes me wonder about the beauty in living life unaware. a callback to that primordial sense of presentness we all experience as children. it made me wonder if we'll ever go back there. but you can never go back there. we can return to a state of balance but it won't be the same. we wouldn't be the same.
prehistoric earth is terrifyingly beautiful, and there's a mysticism in it that holds fast the attention of all those who roam the earth in the present... or perhaps in this context it's the future? we are living in a different time at any rate. we are all allured by the past, fixated on it, obsessively compulsively wishing to go back to it, to rewrite it, to reach in and save someone from it, like grabbing a drowning puppy.
we are slaves to the past, and we're indebted to the future. time is our greatest blessing, and also our heaviest curse. but can we ourseles decide to make it exclusive to one? can we give thanks to the blessing instead of fall victim to the curse? i think that's an individual journey thing. life -- time, is what you make of it. it's all in how you live it.
summer made me stop and smell the roses. it made me panic and realize how fast time flies. it burned me and kissed me and loved me and smoked me out. it made me find the heart of what truly matters. it made me grieve parts of myself i never knew i lost. it made me discover parts of my soul that had been hidden for two decades. it made me fall in love and cry and scream hatred off a cliff only to have compassion thrown back at me. it cleansed my feelings and left me alone to reflect. summer nurtured me and it stripped me of my pride. i have been humbled. i have been loved. i have been reborn. summer washed away the old me. it burned off all the dead skin.
sept. 9. 2024
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Mission-Tripping, Summer-Camping, & A Notable Birthday // July 2024
Hello everyone, I hope you’re having a lovely morning, afternoon, or evening! I was away for most of this month, so it feels like it went by in a blur. From counseling at a summer camp to planning some landscaping work, this month held so many wonderful and fulfilling moments!
>> Special Happenings <<
– The Fourth of July –
For the fourth year now, my friends have been getting dinner at a…
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My summer recap on YouTube. I may be listening to the Good Omens soundtrack just a bit. 😂
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