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wuahae · 2 years

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how should i start stanning tbz? i watched them on rtk/kingdom and i liked their performances but idk where to start 🫣🫣 pls help

right in time for their latest comeback too.............you’ve come to the right person.

so in my opinion the best way to get into the boyz is by watching their variety content! usually when i start out these guides i send people clips of their rtk performances but since you've already watched them i can just skip straight to the variety content <3 if you wanted another guide for like . song recommendations from their discography i can do that too! just say the word hehe <3 personally i started liking them because of their variety content and their endless out of context vlive clips LMAO but here's my starter pack:

for a brief overview of tbz: introduction to the boyz

it actually IS brief okay it's just 40 minutes because there's 11 members to get through 😭 it's from 2021 so it's a little old but i'd say it provides a really good basis for future the boyz exploration! you can get a pretty good feel of each of the 11 members and their little quirks from this video, and it's a good mixture of it being a serious introduction (showing them being good at their job) and unserious (showing them being literally just some guys)

optional viewing: the boyz flower snack

flower snack was like their predebut show where they were officially introduced to the world! they're like super young here and while i wouldn't consider this essential media (esp since they've grown so much since then) i do think it's a good pick-me-up because of how feelgood the show is :") it's definitely cringy at parts and you can tell they still have that trainee air to them, but personality-wise i don't think a lot has changed since then till now :"") they're still a bunch of dorks and some jokes are still mentioned now and then (eric doing watermelon cpr)

the two links below are less of a beginner guide and moreso for when you want to dive deeper into each member's personalities and their inner thoughts! personally i would watch the fun variety stuff first and get a feel for each member before getting into the interviews, but you could also watch the photoshoot portions and then watch the variety stuff and then go back to the interviews for more context. any way is fine, it's up to you! - generation z

the guide from above uses the gen z clips for each member but so the photoshoot portion isn't anything new but! i think the full gen z playlist is really worth watching :3 because of the interview format it allows a glimpse of insight into each member, and honestly it was one of my very first tbz media where i started to really Get them ykwim...... the way they answer each question is so specific to themselves and the topics for each interview is very individualized, so even if you don't have the urge to dissect their brain like i do it's still a very interesting (and visually pleasing) watch! and also ..... the iconic juyeon yellow lambourghini clip is from here. for your own viewing pleasure.

- be your own king

speaking of viewing pleasure. this is very reminiscent of the gen z photoshoots but instead of doing video format interviews they decided to do it through written form instead! here is the thread for all the translations, but a few are missing bc their accounts got deleted :( for the members that got deleted, i found hyunjae's, but i can't find jacob's anywhere :( but basically the entire format of the interviews were that the members would write the interview questions for themselves, and then they'd answer them. i think because of this a lot of them have spoken about how much they liked this interview, because it let them reflect on themselves a lot! they were also a lot more comfortable with this interview compared to gen z because gen z was like ,,, their first time every doing something like this, but with byok the combination of having experience and writing their own questions let them be a lot more relaxed in the process ^^

weekly idol eps to watch: stealer era | thrill ride era

the stealer era episode is just soooo ... JWJSADJFL like they start airing out their dirt on national tv (younghoon and sunwoo get the brunt of it) and for a bonus johnny and haechan from nct are special mcs in this ep! the thrill ride era episode is so cute lolll it shows the individual traits of each member so well... like eric is there being a social butterfly and golden retriever right from the start and then juyeon is just being thrown boyfriend material scripts so he can act them out with hyunjae LMAO it's just a total mess but it's very... them. they have a few other weekly idol eps from other eras so you can definitely check them out too, but personally the stealer and thrill ride eras are my favorites to watch and rewatch ^^

dive studio podcasts: kevin | jacob | eric | english line

this is just a lot of fun to watch! they're definitely a lot less serious than the gen z and byok interviews, but they're still a good insight into how the english members came to become a part of tbz! a lot of fandom jokes come from here (mostly about how eric is friends with his friend's dad, jeff) but overall it's just a good time! they are Just some guys /pos.........

come on the boyz!: summer rpg | in nyc | godsaeng

there's another original come on the boyz series but i ... haven't watched it yet so 😭 i can't recommend it in good faith BUT the ones on here are stuff i Have watched and they're all very very cute :") tbz are like 1thek's sons HAHA so they have a lot of 1thek variety content but each one obviously has a different concept to it! they're sorta all in the name but personally my favorite is godsaeng :"") maybe cause it was the most recently filmed (and even though eric was still on hiatus during this time :( ) but it's just soooo fun and all the members are so goofy and lame and it just feels like you're watching a bunch of friends go on a 3d2n road trip together 🥹 the members' personalities really come out in all the installments and the editing is just so funny from the 1thek staff LMAO its just a lot of fun <3

for vlive content:

honestly my best advice is to watch those edit/compilation videos that fans make on youtube! they're such a good way to get the best highlights from the vlives without wasting your time with like. 1-2 hour long lives HAHA my recommendations for channels to browse through are jellykims, txtbz, and jichangminluvr! you can probably rabbithole through the yt algorithm from there HAHA you'll have lots of fun i promise <3

there's obviously so much more content that i think is worth watching but this is just the starter pack that i think makes a pretty good beginning on stanning the boyz !! if you have any more questions or you want to talk about any of the members pleaaasseee let me know!! i'm always so so happy to talk about tbz HAHA i'm a fairly new deobi myself (its only been a couple months) so i'd love to have other deobis or aspiring deobis to talk to and/or convert!! thank you for trusting in me with this starter pack LMAO please update me on how it goes and if you start stanning ^^

#q&a — anon

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ashintheairlikesnow · 4 years

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Do you have any advice on how to write a noncon scene? I kind of want to try writing one as an experiment, but it’s not something I’m used to writing at all. I really don’t know where to start. I’m worried that it will just end up being cringy.

CW: Discussion of writing noncon under the cut, will not be graphic exactly but it will discuss emotions, resulting trauma, physical effects, etc

So, my first piece of advice is this: do not be afraid of the first go-round being cringy. Do not fear this. It will probably happen, because your first time writing out of your previous comfort zone will often end up feeling stilted or difficult! That is TOTALLY normal, don’t feel bad.

Secondly, let’s talk POV. Because a noncon scene from the whumper POV will be very different than from the whumpee POV. Your whumper can be intimate - they can be forcing some kind of affection into the moment, playacting at this being something other than what it is, etc. They may be sadistic and chasing their own pleasure without any regard for how it hurts the whumpee, or enjoying their pain.

The whumpee may be frightened. They may be angry. They may get sick, or feel sick. They may be defiant or freeze up (fight, flight, or freeze is a good place to start thinking this through - would my OC fight back? Would they try to get away? Would they just freeze up and go still?)

Some super quick pointers:

1. It is very possible or entirely inevitable that your whumpee WILL be injured unless the whumper takes specific care to take steps to keep them from being physically injured by the process. The process of preparing them is often good for building tension and dread into a scene, but it’s not necessary if it doesn’t fit your whumper.

2. If your whumper is an intimate or romantic whumper, they may spend time trying to make the whumpee ‘enjoy’ themself, or convincing them they want this, or they made it happen in some way, etc. If they are sadistic, they may instead delight in emphasizing how much the whumpee does NOT want it! An overlap may be discussing how beautiful their tears are, etc.

3. Your whumpee’s thoughts will likely fragment and become disjointed or panicked, but also they may begin to dissoci@te, feeling ‘separate’ from themself and what’s happeing to them.

4. You don’t need to use a lot of flowery terminology for the body parts involved. I’m a big fan of cutting to the chase. Call a cock a cock, if you will. Euphemisms can be incredibly distracting for the reader and take them out of the scene. But also, if your creepy whumper is like my Savvie Marcoset, maybe they use those euphemisms to build even further dread and disgust in the whumpee without even realizing it. The flowery language may be part of how the whumper hurts them.

5. Noncon is a traumatic event. Your whumpee may try to set it aside, to keep going. Some survivors can rationalize or talk themselves through it long enough to push through the immediate danger. Some can’t. Take some time to think through your OC and what their post-noncon response would be. Every single person who survives a traumatic event is an individual who may have a different response both in the moment and afterward.

Examples:

Kauri tends to turn it around, because of his own trauma and conditioning, and convince himself he wanted it. He pursues unhealthy physical connections with men for a long time as a way to more or less feel in control of a body he lost any agency over. With Owen, in the moment, he tries to please him and is frightened of not being able to do so well enough to keep Owen happy.

@whumpiary’s Cassius Bergen outright seeks out echoes of his own trauma to take control of it, and in the moment even when frightened forces himself to feign being into it, cracks jokes, etc.

@evermetnotforgotten’s Lev often dissoci@tes heavily and simply feels less present during his assaults.

Danny Michaelson slips into a headspace of eager-to-please to make his experience less horrifying in the moment only to let his emotions out when he’s alone.

Chris, you’ll notice, even in his memories primarily thinks of what happened to him with Oliver in metaphor and very vague allusions and doesn’t think about it with detail - until his breakdown, when finally you see him remember and acknowledge how absolutely horrifying his experience was, the terror and pain. In the moment, when he is facing it, he freezes up, goes still, and can’t fight back or even run.

@moose-teeth’s B is a fighter, who defies and fights until literally injured badly enough that he can’t anymore.

@whump-tr0pes’s Isaac names it what it is but also folds it into his existing struggles with self-loathing.

Antoni simply represses it entirely and refuses to acknowledge it ever happened. Even in the moment with Mr. Davies, he refused to name what was happening to him, because it would make it ‘real’.

6. For writing in the moment - if whumpee POV, keep in mind that as the scene unfolds, the whumpee’s thoughts will likely get shorter, interrupted, cut off. Show, don’t tell - the scratchy cheap sheets under their back, a cold chain around their ankles, the overheated warmth of the whumper, how sweat feels dripping onto skin. Disgust. Nausea. Their movements. Describe it all. Rather than saying, “Whumpee laid on the bed and thought they would throw up”, consider some details that feel more immediate:

Whumpee’s eyes locked on the ceiling fan, lazily circling, clicking softly with each full circle of the blades. The rhythmic click of the fan matched the way Whumper moved, his every rock forward briefly blotting out the sight of the fan, revealing it again.

His stomach twisted, lurched, and he felt bile rise up his throat. When he coughed, dry and sounding more like a sob, the Whumper clapped a hand over his mouth and whispered, “Don’t you dare ruin this moment.”

7. For writing the aftermath - does your whumper pretend to comfort them? Do they clean the Whumpee up, provide aftercare that is a mockery of affection? Do they simply leave them to clean themself up, or even leave them somewhere where that isn’t possible? Are they injured, requiring first aid?

8. Finally, I want to reiterate my first bit of advice: the first time you write noncon, it will probably be cringy. It’s your first draft! Oh man. The first noncon scene I ever wrote was the actual fucking worst. It was SO BAD. But I reused details from it later on in a much better-written scene!

Get the writing out, then reread and edit as you go, working through bits you’re not sure about. Consider how you can make the moments connect and flow together.

My biggest advice for a successful scene here is to remember that you are writing an act which will be traumatic to the Whumpee. Don’t throw that aside or ignore it, and to focus on sensory details of the experience to make it more immediate and grounded.

#noncon tw #writing noncon #writing #writing advice #whump writing

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little-diable · 3 years

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About me

☁️ I’ve been gaining more followers in the past few weeks so I thought I’d follow the trend and post an about me. Yes, it’s probably super lame, but I think it’s always nice to know a bit more about the person who writes fics and drabbles you might enjoy. ☁️

My name is Chiara (she/her), but @negans-lucille-tblr gave me the nickname Chi, you’re more than welcome to call me that. I’m a historian, specializing in the early modern period.

@deathofpeaceofmind is my best friend, and co-creator, she’s involved in my writing process and the creator of my headers. I love her and I’m so (probably too) obsessed with her. We plan on moving in together and we’ll probably open up a tattoo shop in a few years (hopefully). We have a Spotify podcast together called „Tracksuit Rob“ make sure to give it a listen - we chat about Twilight, cringy fanfics and all things reading/writing.

If you’ve been following me for a while you’re probably aware of my obsession with the band Kaleo (I got to meet JJ in December ‘21 via Zoom and in person in October '22, probably the coolest thing that has happened to me in a while), I’ve got a tattoo dedicated to one of their songs, and thanks to them I got to explore my love for a beautiful country called Iceland. Hopefully, by next year, I’ll be able to move to Iceland to finish my studies over there.

The forest king aka Hozier owns my heart. I interviewed him in December '23 and I’ll never recover from that experience.

A quick look at my masterlist will tell you all about the fandoms I support, though I’ve got my focus on priest fics (the religious trauma is real). I mostly write very filthy smut, mixed with darker themes, so, my Tumblr is strictly 18+, to keep you and also myself safe. Negan, Kylo Ren and Dean Winchester are characters I always find myself going back to, expect to see them popping up every now and then.

The only talent I have is being able to recite every LOTR scene - and yes, I’m very proud of that.

We go by the rule “don’t like it - don’t read it” if you don’t like something just think about skipping the imagine before you send some hate my way (hate I’ll gladly turn into a very happy, sarcastic message). I have the biggest priest kink - don't be surprised to see quite a few priest fics around here. And yet, as a fun fact, I’m asexual.

One of my closest friends just described me as an aggressive philosopher - but I promise you, I’m a very friendly human being, even though I’m an Aquarius (I know nothing about the star signs) who’d sort herself into Slytherin (Tom Riddle I’m coming for you). I adore writing fan fiction and I love seeing you guys interact with my stories - so please, keep on reblogging, leave comments and like my stuff.

My asks are always open, I love interacting with you guys, I love chatting about your days, about fics, or whatever you’d want to tell me.

Most importantly though, have fun on my blog, I hope you can all feel safe, loved and protected on here.

Here’s a list of some of my Tumblr friends, the people I hold close to my heart, they are all amazing, lovely human beings and most of them are writers on here as well - go ahead and check out their stuff <;3 @negans-lucille-tblr @playboysbunny @writethelifeyouwant @hotdamnhunnam @rebelwrites @band--psycho @chibsytelford @tintentrinkerin @hidingsikki @angelusviate @uchihasteph @shrekaliciouz @zablife @notyour-valentine

#about me #fuck that's so lame #I'm sorry

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the-empress-7 · 3 years

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There's nothing on tonight so by default, I'm watching Escaping The Palace. I tuned in about halfway through and here are my thoughts. Sorry this is long.

The Blue Fairy from Once Upon a Time is playing the Cambridges' advisor. I liked her in OUAT. She's very schemey here. The "Queen and her 3 heirs" from Christmas 2019 is presented as a PR strategy to shame Harry for spending Christmas in Canada.

Kate is very timid and docile. The movie seems to have gotten their "private at home" closeness right. I don't mind the way they wrote William. It could've been worse, but the actor is playing him very angry. The actor playing Charles looks constipated all the time. The Queen is very brash.

Meghan is much, much too calm and much too empathetic in the movie. She's being portrayed the innocent victim. Lifetime's version of the green Commonwealth dress is better than the real one.

The word "disgraceful" is used a lot to describe Sussex behavior.

The actors seem to slip in and out of British accents.

There's a clip of The Queen's Christmas Speech 2019. The actors took their own versions of the royal Christmas pictures but the film used a picture of the real Prince Philip for his.

Sandringham Summit: William, Charles, and Harry are sitting on the same sofa looking like they've been called to the principal's office. Queen comes in. Says something about how she hoped William and Harry would be different but they're just repeating history (division between Edward VIII and George VI, The Queen and Margaret, Charles and Andrew. Why'd she have to bring up Andrew?! Though after she mentions Andrew, she makes a face like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, which seems to be an unspoken reference to the mess with Epstein in a very kind of SNL-ish way.)

Scenes are very short and the transitions are super abrupt. It reminds me of how movies with young children are edited (with short scenes because no one knows what they're doing. See Chris Columbus's comments about Sorcerer's Stone.)

Ok so Commonwealth Day. According to Lifetime, there's a reception at Buckingham Palace before the Westminster Abbey service that all the Commonwealth representatives and heads of state attend. It is at this reception where Harry learns he's been demoted from the procession. Harry says it's all William's fault he's been demoted. Meghan steps in and tells William to say what he really wants to. (Cue dramatic tension, and long pause for effect so everyone watching at home can realize William is the racist senior royal.) William calls Meghan "a disruptor" who had no intention of ever fitting in and came in guns blazing to challenge the monarchy while he's the one who must defend and protect the monarchy against them. Kate intervenes with "you've walked side by side down the aisle dozens of times before but nothing could be harder than following your mother's coffin." Harry begs William to reconsider, that since he's the monarchy, he can change the rules (meaning let them walk in the procession). William refuses but agrees to show support by deciding he and Kate won't walk in the procession either.

There's a lot of Doria. I think Meghan sees Doria in the movie a lot more than the real Meghan sees Doria. The movie does imply Doria lives with them.

Any time Harry and Meghan kiss, it's like they're making out. It's super cringy and super gross.

They cut back and forth between scenes from Diana leaving the monarchy and Harry leaving the monarchy. Harry's Sentebale speech is interspersed with clips of Diana's 1993 speech. The Oprah interview is interspersed with clips of Diana's Panorama interview and Morton tapes.

Ends with a black title card announcing Lili's birth and that she was named after The Queen. Final scene is William and Harry leaving the Diana statue unveiling together with a caption about what the event was and some text from their statement.

No mention of Philip, his passing, or the funeral.

Final thought: The central conflict in the movie is Harry vs. William. Where William is the villain, hellbent on preserving and protecting the monarchy at all costs, and Harry is the victim, the "little guy" taking on the establishment. It does more like Lifetime capitalizing on The Crown's popularity than the Harkles' popularity but using Harry's perspective.

I really hope there isn't a fourth movie but I wouldn't be surprised if there was. I have no interest seeing the first half of the movie.

Thank you for this, and congrats on lasting as long you did. You should consider running the Iron Man ;)

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justreadingfics · 5 years

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His Girl (Revamped Version)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: You’re perfect. Anyone who could read his thoughts would say he’s cheesy, but he genuinely can’t find a single flaw in you. Well, maybe the only problem is the man by your side.

Warnings: Angst, Cheating, Love Triangle, Pining, Smut, Revamped version of first fic written by the author, 18+.

Word Count: 4k.

A/N: Hi!! I’m sorry to say but this isn’t something entirely new. I’ve been thinking about revamping the first fic I’ve ever wrote for a while now. I love the story, but every time I read the original, it made me cringe for several reasons. I like this version better, but I haven’t sent this to a beta and you all know English isn’t my first nor my everyday language, so you may still find a significant number of cringy stuff, lol. If you read it and like it, don’t hold back on the feedback 😊 I’m tagging my permanent list.

Masterlist link on description.

He pays no mind to the loud beating of the music thundering into his ears, nor to the sea of dancing bodies and cheerful laughs around him as he makes a beeline for the bar. Another one of Tony’s big shindigs, one he can barely remember the reason for, if there ever has been one to start with…

He has lost count of how many he had to attend since he had joined the team. He hates it, of course he does. Everybody knows it… Bucky Barnes hates parties. He hates so many eyes which cross path with his, some condescending, some pitiful, others gleaming with fear… or hatred. He hates them all, but he knows he still deserves them all.

It has been a slow process after he came back from Wakanda, where Shuri has finally found a treatment for the trigger words and other horrors Hydra had seen fit to grace his mind with. He still struggles… with social events, with talking to people, with letting them in, showing himself… What could they see if they really look?

He hates parties, yeah… but he goes to all of them. For one and only reason. He takes a seat by the bar and, while he waits for the whisky he just ordered, his gaze roams and search through the crowd, looking for the reason he’s there after all…

You.

It’s been like this from the moment he laid his eyes on you. His gaze always searching, seeking you, longing that the sight of you can ease the ache in his chest that comes with the absence of your touch. To be honest, Bucky can’t understand why you have this effect on him, you two have barely exchanged more than two words and, even if his gaze is always sneakily on you, he shies away whenever you draw near. He rather keep his distance… he needs to.

But he’s completely and utterly infatuated by you. Not like he remembers much of his life, but he’s damn certain he has ever felt this way about anyone. Ever. He can’t stop thinking about how you held his left hand with no sign of hesitance when you two were introduced. He was so entranced by you that he’s sure he has held on to your touch longer than socially acceptable, and yet you didn’t make a move to let go before he did. He’s obsessed by the way your hips swing from side to side when you walk, by how you always looks straight into the eyes of whomever you’re talking to, the way your nose crinkles when you laugh and a small and adorable snort comes out of you… yeah, your laugh! The most amazing sound Bucky has ever heard. And there’s always a smile on your lips, for everyone.

Except for him.

Why, after that first time you two met, wouldn't you speak to him again? Fear… That’s the only possible explanation in Bucky’s mind. Of course you would be frightened by him…The Winter Soldier, the Fist of Hydra, the Assassin… He may be called the White Wolf now, but it doesn’t erase what came before…

With the whiskey now in his hands, his lips barely touch the glass when he finally spots you.

There you are, his reason, across the room, laughing while Sam says something. At that moment and every other moment, Bucky wishes he could be the lucky bastard who’s able to make you laugh like that. He takes a minute to take in the sight of the woman who he keeps up all night thinking about. You have your hair styled on that way you always have at parties. Bucky knows you choose that style because it’s easier and then you can do your hair yourself, oblivious to the fact that it drives him crazy with want to dive his fingers through your locks and tilt your head so he can ravish your neck with kisses and intake the sweet scent of you…

He gulps as his gaze falls down your body and he notices what you’re wearing that night. A long black dress. The side slit goes high enough to make Bucky’s heart speed up as he takes in the exposed skin of your thigh. The deep V neckline isn’t doing any good to his mental state either…

God, you’re perfect. Anyone who could read his thoughts would say he’s cheesy, but he genuinely can’t find a single flaw in you.

Well, maybe the only problem is the man by your side. Holding your hand the way Bucky only can in his dreams. The lump is thick on his throat at the reality.

Steve Rogers. Captain America.

His Stevie. Bucky’s best friend and brother, the punk who started a fucking war with the rest of the World to defend him. The one who introduced you to Bucky.

You…

His girl.

And that’s the reason why, besides the fact he damn sure scares the shit out of you, Bucky would never get to touch you, feel your skin on his. Breathe you in… Taste you…. The reason why he avoids any kind of close contact and is happy to worship your image from a distance. He can’t , by any means, give in to his feelings or get closer to you. He can’t take that chance.

He’s been fighting… against himself. He’s been dating around, trying hard to get you out of his head out of his very soul if he’s going to be honest. But all he accomplished is to compare every single woman he’s seen with you, and wonder how it would feel if you were the one he was holding, kissing, making love to.

“Jesus, you’re so screwed.”

Drowned in his thoughts Bucky has missed the redhead approaching, martini in her hand, sitting on a stool next to him with a smirk on her lips.

“What are you talking about, Romanoff?” He tries to play the ignorance card, knowing damn well that it would be pointless. The stunning spy is able to read his mind like no other, Steve included. Maybe it’s their shared past, the one they never speak of, but lingers in the air. The ex-assassins simply understand each other.

“Please Barnes, you’re wounding me.” Natasha rolls her eyes and brings the drink to her lips.

Bucky bites on his lips before letting out a humorless chuckle, “That obvious, huh?” He says, defeat in his voice and a hint of worry that his secret may not be as hidden as he thought.

“To me, yes”. She shrugs before spending a moment observing him, while he goes back to watching you across the room, hand in hand with his best friend. With a sigh, Natasha kindly places her empty hand on the soldier’s shoulder. “Just be careful, Bucky. Neither of you have been much discreet lately. Everyone else is a bit dumb, but I don’t know…”

Bucky snaps his head back to her, as his eyebrows knit close together, spotting the rare sympathetic smile on her tightened lips.

“What do you mean? In what way she’s not being discreet?”

The empathy on Natasha’s face falls and is swiftly turned into a familiar glare. Letting out a huff, she stands up and turns her back to him, leaving Bucky behind, mumbling words that his enhanced hearing catches as “Stupid Super Soldiers. No Serum in the brains, for sure”.

He’s left confused as he watches Natasha joining the rest of the gang who is now sitting by a round table close to the dance floor. As usual, she takes the chair next to Clint and orders for another drink. Bucky moves his eyes to Steve, who has his back to him, sitting across the Widow, leaning forward to say something to her. She responds by pointing to the bar where Bucky stands.

Steve turns his head to his best friend and whey their gazes meet, the blonde grins and waves, calling Bucky towards the gathered group.

Finding no way to decline the offer, Bucky sighs before he nods and heads to the table that is also accommodating Sam, Wanda and Maria Hill. Getting close, his heart rushes to his throat when notices that the only empty seat is the one next to you, who have your back turned to him.

“Hey Buck, come here and take a seat, the food is amazing,” Steve says with a mouthful, pointing with the fork to the mountain of food in his plate.

The fact that his fellow Super Soldier is the only one eating – the exorbitant amount of food- makes him think of the skinny kid from Brooklyn who could barely finish a whole glass of milk. The memory brings a warm smile to Bucky’s face, which fades as soon as he spots your stiffened shoulders as you glance nervously at the empty seat beside you, still avoiding to look at him.

“Ahm, I don’t know pal, I’m not really that hungry” Bucky replies, brushing the back of his neck. The last thing he wants is to make you uncomfortable by imposing his closeness.

“Oh, come on Tin Can, grace us with your broodiness… It’s not like you have somewhere else to go. Or do you already have a broad waiting?” Sam asks, emphasizing the outdated slang in an attempt to tease his centenary friend.

Missing how you take a long sip from your own whiskey, Bucky pretends to be amused by the conversation and makes a face to Sam. He can’t find it in him to prolong the subject or to say no the puppy eyes Steve always wear to break him and never fails, so he pulls out a chair and takes his seat. Right beside you.

Steve goes back to his food and the group goes back to chatting. The words are far from the focus of his attention as it’s so damn easy for him to feel the heat irradiating from your body, so close to him all he has to do is... Bucky’s glad for Sam and his never stopping mouth as no one seems to notice how his whole body flinches when his right thigh ever so lightly brushes against yours under the table. He quickly pulls his leg away, but not before goosebumps spring unbidden across his skin at the brief yet burning touch.

He’s expecting you to move the chair closer to Steve, to prevent any kind of contact with him to happen, but… but instead, she leans back on his touch, seeking the overwhelming sensation again, brushing her leg against his and leaving it there.

All the sound around him fades away, replaced simply by the thundering sound of his beating heart.

Every single inch of him is completely stiffened when he rests his hand on his leg and by the corner of his eyes he sees you furtively doing the same thing. Feeling a rush of boldness and a lack of better judgment, he moves it closer to yours until your pinkies link between your laps. He feels dizzy when you softly caress his finger with yours and all of a sudden, like it’s the most natural thing to do, he has all of his fingers tightly interlocked with yours.

His holding hands with you under the table cloth and it’s so damn hard to breathe now. Bucky’s mind runs in full speed, matching his heart, but yet, for that moment, time seems to freeze and everything’s slow motion as a forbidden, yet beautiful promise takes over his senses.

No… It wasn’t fear the reason why she kept his distance from him… She’s touching him, he has her soft hands on his. And it feels so right…

“Are you ok, Barnes? You’re as pale as a ghost.”

Bucky’s stupor is swiftly interrupted by a familiar voice in the far distance. It’s Natasha, of fucking course.

The unwanted attention makes you quickly remove your hand and back away your leg.

Bucky feels empty.

“Ahm, Yeah I..I guess I need another drink, I’ll be right back” Bucky’s chair screeches against the floor as he stands up and leaves the table, choosing to ignore Natasha’s suspicious look. To his relief the rest of their friends are apparently unfazed and oblivious to anything.

In need of a place to calm his restless state, he heads to the rooftop. Getting out of the elevator, he takes in the fresh air, relishing into the breeze of the night and, watching the city lights, the puzzled events of the last couple of minutes keep running over in his mind. You touched him… he can still feel the burning where your skin met and he knows that you were as much affected by it as him… What the hell’s happening?

The quietness of the rooftop is broken by the elevator ding behind him. His heart jumps when he turns his head and spots the person coming out of it. He can’t. He can’t hold back a second longer anymore, and without even thinking, he takes two quick steps, closing the distance between you and him to press his lips against yours. As he pulls you to him, you immediately kiss him back, one hand tangling in his lose locks, while the other snakes up his chest.

Without breaking the sloppy and needy kiss, Bucky pins you against the nearest wall. He’s so drunk in your taste, he doesn’t want to let you go…Not again. Not now. He feels the whiskey you’ve been drinking mixed with your Chapstick and something sweet, that he knows it’s all you and he thought he would never get to taste.

Finally…

Both of your arms circle his neck while one hand still holds the back of his hair in a grip. You gasp for air and Bucky takes the chance to ravish your collarbone with a trail of hot kisses, reaching your pulse point to lightly bite on it. You let out a moan and while you tighten the hold on his locks, Bucky realizes he has never listened to anything as beautiful.

“I need you… Please.” You’re breathless when you whisper the words to his ear, reaching down between your bodies to palm the bulge straining his pants.

If Bucky had a tiny bit of control until then, it is completely lost now with the husky plea coming from your lips. He captures your mouth once again, and moving quickly, he travels his hand up your exposed leg through the dress slit, burying his fingers under the band of your underwear to find the velvet skin already damp. He lightly brushes the little nub there and the sensation pulls a primal groan from him and a deep sigh from you through the kiss.

Tangling his tongue into yours, he pulls the black lace material down and when it falls to your knees, you wiggle your legs to let it drop to the floor before you step out of it. Without breaking his lips from yours, Bucky quickly goes to his belt, as you pull the skirt of your dress by the side slid up to your waist. When his erection springs free, Bucky holds your leg up to open you for him and just can’t waste anymore time as he guides his impossibly hard cock to your wet entrance.

It’s almost too much… the sensation of being inside you, so damn close, the velvet heat tightening around him…a kind of intimacy he only dreamed about. You cling to him as he slowly pushes himself further and the air leaves him a sharp exhale when he bottoms out. Only then, your lips detach from his as your breaths come out short.

Keeping your leg locked around his waist, he uses his metal hand to support himself on the wall, while you maintain a firm grip on his shoulders. You two exchange gazes for what feels like the first time and for a moment you just stay like that, staring to each other, studying every little inch of each other’s faces… Getting acquainted… Body and soul, Bucky suspects, as something entirely new and powerful grows inside him. A sense of calm, of peace, of belonging…

When he starts to move, he goes slow at first, allowing you two to adjust to the overwhelming sensation. You fell so damn good around him, better than any day and night dream he ever had, he realizes, as his flesh hand leave your leg, secured around his waist, to pull down the shoulder straps of your dress. One, then the other, dropping down your arms and exposing your breasts to him.

Beautiful, so damn beautiful, it makes him breathless…

He watches as your eyes close and your lips part a little, whimpering in sheer ecstasy, when he grabs one of your breasts into his hand, never stopping the slow and deep move of his hips. He gently massages the soft flesh, and can’t take his eyes off your face as the slight shift of expressions in synch with his actions shows how much pleasure he’s giving to you.

“Oh, Bucky…”

Hearing the whisper of his name in your mouth, especially in such a sinful way, makes his heart melt and his cock twitch inside of you. His thrusts grow faster and the two of you become a mess of heavy breaths and moans. Bodies glued together, your skin is hot against his and your breathe tingles over his neck. It’s perfect. And it feels so right, so damn right, when your pussy clenches around him…

He needs to feel it again and the frenzy you both share boosts when Bucky’s flesh fingers meet your clit. He circles the nub in fast, harsh circles as you tighten your leg around him for support. A slight change in the angle and the extra stimulation makes you let out a scream of pure ecstasy. He feels it coming as your cunt grips his cock in the most delicious way.

Your whole body shakes against him as you let out a wanton moan, signaling your climax. As you fall apart, Bucky’s fingers leave your heat to hold you tightly by your waist. He knows he isn't going to last much longer, he just can’t, even if he wants to have you like this forever, breathless in the pleasure he’s provided you with while he can feel your heart thunders against your chest and your tongue brushing over the skin of his neck.

“I need to taste you,” you breathe and it startles him for a second when you push at his chest, forcing him to pull out of your pulsing heat.

His mind goes blank when you sink to your knees and grip the base of his cock, coated in your arousal, and your mouth wraps around the throbbing tip. He watches down in awe, supporting himself with both arms on the wall. Your soft lips around his cock makes him lose his fucking senses and a few bobs of your head is already too much for him to handle.

“I.. I’m … gonna…. ”, Bucky tries to warn you, only making you grab his ass and clutch his hips still, not letting him pull away from you.

He groans loudly and can’t hold back anymore before you take everything he has to offer, not missing a single drop of the most powerful orgasm he ever had.

Struggling to breathe and gather his thoughts again, Bucky offers his hand to help you get on your feet and pulls you in a tight embrace as his forehead leans against yours, sharing the blissful state.

He loves you.

If he didn’t know that before, it’s pretty damn clear now. He loves you and this love will ruin him. Of that he’s sure, while he holds your half naked body to his.

When breathing isnt’t so hard anymore, you’re the first one to speak.

“I love Steve… I really do.”

Bucky’s eyes close and he sighs at the mention of his friend’s name.

“Yeah, I know, I love that punk too,” he responds matter-of-factly in a sad smile.

“You must think I´m a-” A sob breaks through your lips before you have the chance to continue.

“Shhh,” He whispers as he cups your face and uses his thumb to caress your cheek and wipe the tears falling down. “Never,” he assures you, shaking his head, “I would never think anything like that of you.”

“I’ve never done anything like this before,” you add, pleading for him to believe, and Bucky hates to hear the sorrow in your beautiful voice.

“I know sweetheart, I know…” He tries to sooth you, even if his own heart is breaking at how ashamed you seem to be of what just happened, prompting his own guilt to tighten his throat.

“I don't want to hurt him,” You add. “But you…” The whisper is low as you lean your face against the touch of his hand, shutting your eyes. “God, I can’t take you of my mind ever since I first saw you, not matter how hard I tried. I’ve been going crazy,” You breathe hard as your eyes open and you look up at him, gripping hard the back of his suit with your hands.

Bucky’s heart beats harshly against his ribcage at your confession. “I know the feeling,” he says in the steadiest voice he can manage, keeping the brush of his thumb on your cheeks. “All I think about is you, all the time.” He almost can’t believe he’s actually telling you this, “I-I´m in-”

You don’t let him finish when you abruptly part from him, ceasing any kind of touch. The pained expression in your face is nothing but a plea, one that begs him: “please don’t say it”.

He doesn’t. He sulks in a breath and doesn’t say he’s completely and desperately in love with you and it feels so right even if he knows how damn wrong it is.

You bite on your lips and a heavy silence falls upon you as you fix your dress and hair, allowing him to put himself together, too. Your head drops, before you lean down and take your underwear from the floor.

“This can’t … won’t happen again,” You manage to make your words convincing, standing up in front of him as your jaw clenches, holding the small piece of black lace tightly in your hand.

Bucky shuts his eyes and nods. He knew this was coming, but the fact does nothing to ease the pain of hearing those words.

When he feels your grip on his chin, his eye pop open. You two stare at each other for a long moment, sharing the words, the ones forbidden to be said out loud, before you lock your lips together again.

As he pulls you to him, he focuses on every move, every touch, every sensation. Your tongue brushing against his, how he can feel himself and you through the sweet taste of your mouth, your skin, the shallow breaths and small whimpers, your hand into his hair… He clings to all of it. Memorizing how you feel, holding the sensations into his mind… his heart.

Bucky feels your hand slipping inside a pocket on his pants before you break the kiss and, without looking at him again, you run past him towards the elevator.

He sighs, bringing his fingers to his lips, as if this way he would make the phantom of your touch last longer… His gaze turns to the city lights when he hears the elevator going down and he places his hands inside his pockets.

His lips turn up in a longing smile, already missing the touch of yours, while his fingers play absent-mindedly with the piece of lace he finds inside his pocket.

He knows it would all come eventually, the sorrow, the guilt, the heartache. The pain. But at that moment, all he feels is you…

You….

His girl.

~~~~~~

The end.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x steve rogers x reader #angs #bucky barnes series #cheating #angst #bucky angst

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rouiyan · 4 years

Text

𝘚𝘏𝘖𝘞 𝘔𝘌 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘓𝘖𝘝𝘌 [ 𝘭.𝘫𝘯 ]

⧏ part of the before i met you collective ⧐

synopsis: after an accidental leak, the news of you and jeno’s relationship becomes the talk of the world. to satiate the incredible curiosity of fans and news outlets alike, the two of you take on a variety show, knowing brother. will this bold move prove to everyone that your relationship is more than just a publicity stunt?

✧ lee jeno x (fem.) reader ✧ idolverse au, knowing brother au, established relationship au

✧ genre : fluff ✧ word count : 1.9k ✧ disclaimers : minor swearing, i talk about eyes a lot lol

✧ author’s note — was supposed to be a short drabble but i got carried away and ended up going into so much unnecessary detail. super fun to write; this idea expertly fought my incoming writer’s block.

you let out a suppressed laugh as jeno profusely denies the apologies that come his way from the girl that just recently joined the makeup team. she had used a much thicker brush than needed on his lips and in turn, they’ve grown almost twice the size, the natural mauve color spilling over the edges. he gives you a pointed look but it’s taken with less seriousness than he’d like, his lips clearly making the expression funnier than intended.

“stop, y/n,” he mumbles, though his face is more of a pout as you crane your neck to watch him, the same girl now fussing with makeup remover blocking your view of him. as she leaves to grab a thinner brush, jeno turns to look at his reflection in the mirror and you make your way across the room to stand next to where he is seated. the both of you stare at each other’s reflections in the mirror, smiles filled with soft adoration. “you nervous?” he speaks, eyebrows shifting up ever so slightly. you swear the way the lights of the vanity reflect off his pupils make it look like he holds the stars in his eyes (and you're sure he does). nodding, you express to him the pressures you’ve been facing, “i hope we do well.”

he hums and removes his stare from the mirror to the actual you, looping his arms around your waist loosely. “we will, babe. we’re unstoppable when we’re together, you know?” he feels more than hears the soft chuckle that you let out and he raises his head to look you in the eyes. “i guess you’re right.”

it’s been a little over a year since jeno asked you out, right outside the convenience store a few blocks down from the nct dream dorm. a chilly two a.m. snack run where jeno had spontaneously been gifted with the confidence to tilt your head up with his index finger and swoop in for a kiss after his heartfelt words were received with tired enthusiasm. he thinks about that night a lot more than he’d ever admit.

he also thinks about a similar night, only three weeks ago from now, outside the same convenience store, this time at three a.m., when his hands intertwined themselves with yours on instinct and when you looked up at him with that pretty little smile of yours. he can still hear the shuffling of feet behind him, the click and flash of a camera following. he can still feel the way his heart stopped as he drew his and your hats lower, turning over his shoulder to be face to face with a camera peeking through the shadows. he can still remember the way his hand unwinded from yours, instead wrapping around your whole frame, bringing you closer to his chest and further away from view. he could still hear your heartbeat against his, erratic, and he still remembers praying to dear god that they didn’t catch your face. he stills feels the guilt gnawing at his gut when he found out that it was too late. what was supposed to be a simple first anniversary was turned into a day of phone calls, pr meetings, frustrated managers, and even worse, angry sasaengs camping outside both of your dorms.

he knows it’s not exactly his fault, though he did admit that to the higher ups much to your dislikes, but he can’t help but feel responsible for all his desperate fans going after your reputation, your job, group, family and friends, and most importantly, you. in all honesty, he also received plenty of backlash from your fans as well but it aggravated him much more than it should’ve that people would dare talk shit about his girlfriend.

making headlines, your relationship with jeno was widely labeled as sm’s bid for attention and monetary gain, however untrue that was. most fans were in denial because of countless other situations where a rumored couple would be later revealed as a publicity stunt, especially since you and jeno were of a big company and from popular groups. of the many game plans that were presented to the two of you, he found this one the most effective. to go on a variety show together and show the compatibility and chemistry between the two of you, to verify your relationship as real and deserving of humanly respect.

jeno is brought back to reality as a colored brush is applied to his lips once again. he looks up to gauge what had happened whilst he was spaced out and sees that you are talking animatedly to the manager that had accompanied you here today, a bright look on your face as your fingers fiddle with a water bottle lid. after getting his makeup done, properly this time, he stands and stalks over beside you, half listening to the conversation about mic settings. with a pout, you hand the water bottle to jeno and he immediately unscrews it, neither of you looking at each other, the act seemingly a casual exchange.

jeno corners you before going on set, hands on your shoulders, to tell you that, “we’re going to do great, princess.” the nickname rolls off his tongue with ease and leaves a pink dust across your cheeks, blooming under the blush that’s applied on top. he gives your shoulders a reassuring squeeze and slips in a few more encouraging compliments (“so pretty,” tucks strand of hair behind your ear, “i got quite lucky didn’t i?”) before the two of you are called on set to start filming.

the cameras start rolling and as the hosts go about their usual introduction banter, you slip a finger into the indent in the door and on cue, slide it open, revealing your smiling face, jeno’s secure hand on your back, reminding you that he is there with every step into unfamiliar territory. the hosts turn and gape at the pair, having not met backstage to save the guests as a surprise. hodong, is the first to talk coherently among all the commotion, “wah, the power couple of the century is here today!” chuckling at his comment, you and jeno take your places behind the podium at the front, wary of their stares on you. for a second, you feel as if you are in an actual classroom, introducing yourself on the first day of your transfer with an uneasy feeling settling in your stomach.

“hi, it’s nice to meet you, i’m y/l/n y/n, from sm high! please take care of me!” your nose scrunches at how cringy the school name sounded in comparison to when you and jeno were making it up back in the dressing room. jeno follows with his introduction after you politely bow, “hi, i’m lee jeno, also from sm high! please take good care of us!” a chorus of applause echoes around the three-walled setup and you feel jeno’s hand move from the small of your back to rest upon your shoulders; unconsciously you lean into his frame, his warmth inviting you in ways you don’t even process.

“so the rumors are true, huh?” you look over at soogeun, one of the hosts that you had chosen to sit next to. he’s kind from what you can tell, and almost exactly like the person you see on tv. the other hosts are busy chatting with jeno and you look over at them before settling on the man speaking to you. “yeah,” your voice is soft, “they’re true.” a smile adorns your face as you say this and the little moment that’s caught on camera is enough to melt the audience, (or so the editors think as they go through the tape after filming).

the hosts inform you that instead of the ‘ask about me’ segment they’re going to, instead, ask the two of you questions, more or less about your relationship. you figure that this has a lot to do with the whole reason you're here and you feel comfortable knowing that you get a chance to explain, to clear the air of assumed rumors.

the first to ask is janghoon, a simple question to start the segment off, “how did you guys first meet?” jeno and you take turns answering the questions, jeno taking the lead on this one. “it was… january of 2015, i think. like, one year before i debuted and y/n was new to the company. i remember that she was chosen to be in a debut group almost instantly after she joined and some of the other boys in my group were talking about how talented she was.” he takes a second to look over at you, seeing the way your eyes light up when they meet his, “i first talked to her at a showcase, i think. she was already pretty close with mark and haechan, from my group, because they trained together for a bit. even then, i remember her being probably one of the prettiest girls i had ever met. and it wasn’t just the looks though, she- y/n’s always been a kind girl and i guess that i always thought she was too good for me… i still do, for the most part.”

your eyes are slightly wide when he finishes and he gives you a questioning look. “wow, i don’t remember talking to you until that one halloween party…” the room falls to silence before everyone laughs at jeno’s bewildered expression, clearly baffled at how you didn’t even remember when the two of you first met.

the show moves on good-naturedly before heechul pops the big question, “do you guys love each other?” he says it rather sarcastically, in case you are uncomfortable in answering, but you take it upon yourself to make this situation into a bit of a turning point in all the fun. “of course, jeno’s a big part of my life. whenever i’m not onstage or working, he’s always the one i’m with. this job, it really isn’t the easiest. besides getting to do what we love we also have to be watched constantly, but it’s okay for me at least, having someone like him by my side makes it all okay.” you can almost imagine the cameras showing jeno’s face at this moment, the little hearts edited into the frame of the captured scene, his expression a mix of shy smiles and lovesick eyes. it’s easy to say when you mean it and you know that it’s also easy for jeno when he simply wraps you up in his arms, with content coating his embrace and without care as to the cameras shooting in all directions.

it’s safe to say that the episode went viral, only a few hours after its airing. most fans gushed over your relationship with jeno, sharing screenshots of you in his arms. jeno loves how some fans are even shaming those who look down upon your relationship and he's even happier that he’s allowed to take you out on dates, to add you as a plus one to special events, and to finally be able to call you his, loud and proud.

(bonus: jaemin is beyond excited to watch the episode right when it comes out, popcorn and lights dimmed in preparation. he even dragged a poor renjun to watch it with him, claiming he needed a shoulder to cry on if you guys were being too sweet. he didn’t actually cry, but renjun practically vomited as he watched jeno hoist you up upon his shoulders to reach the basketball hoop during the game segment. he hurled towards the trash can.)

#nct #nct fics #nct jeno #nct jeno fics #rouiyan fics #rouiyan writes

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oranjis-shipping-mess · 4 years

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Vernon x Woozi x Hoshi for: @soonhoonsol birthday which was november 18th, oops.. So I never wrote a poly realionship before, so this is super shitty and it’s also super cringy!

"Would you really be okay with Soonyoung joining this relationship? I know we've talked about it a lot, but this would be your first time goin in to a poly relationship, and I really don't want you to feel uncomfortable." Hansol nods in respond, "Hon, how long has Soonyoung been with us for now? If I wasn't okay with any of this, I would have made that clear a long time ago, yea?" He says as he kisses Jihoon softly on his lips.

--------------------

"Lee Jihoon, do you take Kwon Soonyoung and Chwe Hansol as your wedded husbands in sickness and in health?" "Yes, yes I do." Jihoon replies, trying really hard to hold back his tears.

"Kwon Soonyoung, do you take Lee Jihoon and Chwe Hansol as your wedded husbands in sickness and in health?" Soonyoung bites his lip, "Ofcourse I do." He manages to get out, tears slowly streaming down his cheeks.

"Chwe Hansol, do you take Kwon Soonyoung and Lee Jihoon as your wedded husbands, in sickness and in health?" Hansol looks at both man, both looking more handsome than ever, "I do, hell yea, I do."

---------------

"You've reached the voicemail of Chwe Hansol, please leave a message and I will get back to you, see you." Jihoon sighs, dropping his phone at the couch. "Babe, relax. I'm sure he's fine, his phone probably just died again." Soonyoung says as he gently takes Jihoon's hands into his. "It's not like him to not pick up for so long, you know that." Soonyoung places a small kiss on Jihoon's hand, "You always worry way too much. Hansol should be here soon, yea? If not, I will just drive to the grocerie store and see if he's still there. It's probably just really busy since Christmas is coming up." Jihoon rolls his eyes, "Soon, you know I love you, but Hansol has been gone for 2 hours now. He never takes that long doing groceries." Jihoon says as he gets up from the couch, Soonyoung following his moves. "Baby, come on. It's fine. If it makes you feel better, I will go and check now? You can come with me if you want?" Jihoon nods, "Yes, please." He responds, hugging Soonyoung tight, burrying his face in Soonyoung's chest.

"See how busy it is everywhere? Even this road is insane." Soonyoung states as he tries to move the car past the huge line of cars. "Hm, this doesn't seem normal to me. I think something might have happend. You see the cops over there at the end?" Soonyoung tries to look between cars as his eyes fall on the cops that Jihoon mentioned. "You're right, something happend. We will probably be stuck here for a while. You can go out and ask the cops what's going on and how long this will take?" Jihoon nods, "Sure, hon. I will be right back." Jihoon replies, kissing Soonyoung goodbye.

"Good afternoon, sir. Could I just ask what happend here?" Jihoon asks one of the cops on the side of the road. The man looks down at Jihoon, "Yes, ofcourse. Just about a 50 meters from here, two cars crashed into each other. All four people from both cars are in still rather good condition but are immideatly getting help and being checked up as we speak." Jihoon nods, trying to look past the cops their cars. His eyes widen as he sees a familar car. At that point, it felt like his heart dropped to his stomach, not being able to move. "Sir? Sir, are you okay?" The cop questions, immedeatly catching Jihoon from falling down.

It had taken a while before everyone arrived at the hospital. First the people that were in the car crash, and a little later, Soonyoung had arrived with Jihoon, after he came back, but still felt weak. They had officialy gotten a call from the hospital that Hansol was in the car crash, which they had already figured after Jihoon had seen the car. They slowly made their way in to the hospital, knowing which room to go to as the lady on the telephone had already told them.

Hansol was asleep, he seemed rather fine. There was another man in the room, he seemed like the same age as them. Jihoon carefully read the name tag, "Chwe Joshua Hong?.." His heart had stopped for a little moment, as Soonyoung made his way to Jihoon. "He was married to someone else?.." Jihoon couldn't believe the words coming from his mouth, walking back to the hallway. "Honey, hon!" Soonyoung quickly followed Jihoon, grabbing him by his arm. "We don't know the story behind this. We should atleast give him a chance to explain." Jihoon squirmed his arm free, "why aren't you bothered by this at all, Soonyoung? Was this your doing? Did you want him to leave?" Jihoon hissed. Soonyoung shook his head, "No, Ji. Don't say things like that. Ofcourse I don't want him gone. You know I love both of you equally."

Their discussion was getting heated, screams were being exchanged, as people gave them weird looks and asked them to quite it down. "I swear to god, if this does end up being your fault, then I will never, ever forgive you, Soonyoung. You were the one to join Hansol and my relationship, and you'll be the first one to go if it has to be." Soonyoung had teared up, not completely understanding where this sudden attack came from. "What are the two of you fighting about?.." A low voice sounded from the doorway. Soonyoung and Jihoon both looked at Hansol the moment he talked.

Hansol had Jihoon and Soonyoung come back in to the room, so he could lay down again. He looked at the two boys beside his bed, not sure about the situation they were in. "Who is Joshua? Why does he have your name?" Jihoon immedeatly attacked Hansol with the questions. Hansol chuckled lightly. "As for the name, the doctor just messed up. He thought we were the married couple.. but the truth is, well, it was supposed to be a Christmas suprise, but can one of you get my bag?" Soonyoung was quick to move, getting Hansol's bag from the ground and handing it to him. Hansol took some papers from his bag, dumping them on his blanket. "Here, have a look." Jihoon frowned, taking the papers in his hands. "To Chwe Hansol, Kwon Soonyoung and Lee Jihoon, here by we would like to congratulate you that your adoption request has been accepted. As from march 2021, you will be the proud parents of a baby boy. We would like to welcome you at our office at januari 4th so all the documents can be filled in, and you are able to meet the mother for the first time, this day." Jihoon couldn't even finish reading it as tears were streaming down his face. "How?.." Soonyoung asked, his voice was even softer then usual. "Joshua has been helping me. I mean, Jihoon registered us ages ago, but the employee who was supposed to work on it, became sick and couldn't continue. That's were Joshua came in and then everything went super fast. But I just tried to make it a nice Christmas suprise, but I guess I failed at that." Jihoon was in actual tears, he couldn't process everything that had happend that day. Soonyoung had one arm around Jihoon, and with his other hand he was holding Hansol's hand, squeezing it lightly, being completely lost for words. "No, this is gonna be the best Christmas ever." Jihoon whispered, getting up to kiss Hansol gentle on his lips.

#oranjis-shipping-mess #Vernon #Hansol #Hoshi #Soonyoung #Woozi #Jihoon

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yourpreciouslilbub · 4 years

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park woo jin ft lee dae hwi pt. 1 (random imagines)

member: park woo jin ft. lee dae hwi

genre: fluff, au

warnings: wrong grammar, cringiness (read at ur own risk)

summary: daydreaming about changing lives by imagining having swapping bodies with a celebrity

• y/n is so done with her life.

• online classes just make her behavior worst and tired than having face to face.

• tends to isolate herself from her main accounts not minding chats and notifications.

• it's not that you don't care or mind about other people, you just don't feel communicating lmao

• prefer spending time by spazzing, watching k-dramas, or playing.

• on a night with a full moon, hearing those unstoppable sounds of dogs in your neighborhood.

• y/n suddenly thinks of having a different kind of life she has.

• kinda corny but wishes to experience those (be careful what you wish for)

• being weird and an overthinker she just let it pass, finally decides to sleep.

• next morning came, y/n wakes up with a bright vivid light that comes from the window.

• slowly progressing what happened on the verge of 'your mind is still asleep'

• a loud 'bugsh' was heard when you fall from your bed

• white long curtains, teddy bears and other cute stuff, a mini piano with lots of music sheets scattered on it,

• colorful post-it that you also read, "you can do it" "well done." "fans are waiting for you" "love myself too" "music is hard but it's all worth it".

• and a sweet smell of vaporized candles lingers around the room.

• y/n is amused yet nervous especially when he heard the door opens.

• "daehwi-yah we will eat now, what are you doing there on the floor? still asleep?"

• woong said, questioning y/n then laugh before closing the door.

• ofc you know him. it's woong the main vocalist and fake maknae of the k-pop group that you've been stanning since their debut ab6ix.

• confused still half-awake y/n decided to check her face by looking at the mirror (more like a routine or habit daehwi does lol every morning)

• "oh my god" y/n said in Korean that made her more shocked.

• purple pajamas with messy hair but still looking handsome on it is the image that you saw in front of the mirror.

• "how did this happen?" eyes are both wide open checking if this is freaking real.

• still not syncing into reality you decided to pounder thoughts

• when you heard the other members yell daehwi's name

• so your feet take you to the familiar and at the same time unfamiliar kitchen of ab6ix.

• "why are you so weird today, daehwi-yah?" woojin asked sending his signature sparrow gaze into you.

• you suddenly feel the urge to curse bcs first you are star-struck, second, it's bared face ab6ix your idols, third park woo jin is freaking asking you why daehwi is weird, lastly, daehwi is your bias and you are in his body?

• can't process the whole information, so you just shrugged at woojin's question then sit on the empty chair beside donghyun.

• everyone is busy chit-chatting while you just eat your food silently.

• the next hours went by smoothly except those kakao messages that came from other celebrities that you know too (daehwi being a social butterfly)

• and when your manager calls you for dance and vocal practice today along with the other members

• ofc you are nervous you don't sing and dance, and daehwi's prob professional especially when writing songs how are you supposed to do that?

• with cold hands you and the other members enter the practice room.

• woojin leads it and play a warm-up song first.

• y/n is very nervous but amused at how daehwi's body moves along the beat.

• you enjoyed vocal lessons too as you kept making vibrations on the songs.

• little you did know that woojin is observing you since this morning (y'all know that park woojin is the member whose daehwi are most close with so)

• you let out a big sigh when the classes are finally over but immediately taken aback when manly arms wrapped around your shoulders.

• "we should talk," woojin murmured then drag you until you two reach his room.

• woojin's room is a combination of black and white a typical minimalist person would love this adding his collection of action figurines.

• he's so manly, you thought to yourself.

• "daehwi-yah, spill it," he said breaking the silence between the two of you.

• "i-uh is there something that i s-should spill?" you want to slap yourself for stammering in front of him.

• while he gave you his 'oh pls btch stop acting like you don't know anything at all'

• when he realized that you don't have any plans to answer his question

• "YAHHHH PARK WOO JIN"

• "see? daehwi is not like that," he said while crossing his arms in front of you.

• did park woo jin literally brought his face closer to the point that you two could kiss and thinking of it happened a few moments ago made your face red like a tomato.

• "daehwi's not minding it but you— who are you?"

• y/n's heart suddenly beats faster than normal, she wants to defend herself but no words would escape from her lips.

• "sweetie, don't be afraid it's just me park woo jin" he said smiling showing his snaggletooth.

• intimidated. that's what you're feeling right now. seeing him this close makes your heartbeat wild adding that he's interrogating you.

• you didn't have a choice it's now or never so you told woojin everything.

• at first he didn't believe it but when he challenged you to make simple sentences for lyrics he started to believe you.

• months past like that, woojin is there guiding you every time he sees that you prob gonna ruin smth

• y/n and woojin always spend time a lot together after rehearsals, practices, classes, gym, or even if you don't have anything scheduled for the day.

• you know him for being clingy with daehwi as you always watch their behind clips but damn having skinship with woojin really hits different

• it made your heart flutter every time he does it (but u only keep it to yourself)

• he kisses you sometimes on your cheek when you two are alone

• that's how park woo jin and y/n became close.

• today y/n is super hype bcs she saw the first snow

• woojin messaged you on kakao stating that he has a surprise so you two agreed to meet

• knowing him, maybe it's another prank or somehow something nice happen for him to celebrate it

• so you decided to wear daehwi's purple balenciaga sweater partnered with burberry coat and ofc his favorite dior bag that you can't forget to bring with

• you really like to dress up that's why you don't find it hard to style daehwi bcs daehwi already have a lot of designer clothes that made it easier for you

• before heading out, you sprayed daehwi's saint laurent perfume enjoying your personal favorite scent among his collection

• "y/n, you're late" woojin called as he waves at you.

• "i am not, you're just early" you rolled your eyes at him realizing that he wears his balenciaga pack again.

• others would find it weird but you call it 'pack' bcs his overall fashion is all balenciaga and it makes you roll your eyes more at him bcs you already know that he's freaking rich

• does he want to slap on my face that he could buy this entire house just for me to say that he's freaking rich? you thought.

• woojin pulled your wrist making you sit beside him

• it's not that you feel awkward with him, what's with the pulling and the intense gaze that he gives you right now

• y/n can't look straight at woojin bcs of her wildly beating heart.

• woojin held your chin so that you could have an eye to eye contact and when you two have—

• "woojin i—"

• "y/n i—"

• you both said at the same time.

• when you broke eye contact and decided to stand up woojin stop you but this time he held your hand.

• he stands up filling the gap between the two of you

• y/n stand there froze don't know what to do

• again woojin approach you, slowly, pulling you closer to him (tho there's not that much diff abt hwi and woojin's height)

• "i like you, y/n" he said while seriously looking into your eyes

• and like instructions that you follow to do, next thing you knew you found yourself closing your eyes waiting for his lips to touch with yours

• but you suddenly feel dizzy,

• then started to feel hot, mixed emotions.

• "y/n?" "y/n?"

• you open your eyes finding yourself in front of your monitor having online classes

• "y/n, show us your talent now"

• you don't know what to feel, felt crying bcs finally you are now back with your original body, happy bcs woojin confessed to you a while ago, sad bcs you can't see and bond with them now, and there's a big question mark on why and how you returned in the time of your online classes.

#park woojin imagines #park woojin scenarios #park woojin au #lee daehwi scenarios #lee daehwi imagines #wanna one imagines #ab6ix #ab6ix imagines #wanna one

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bigcat-hanson · 4 years

Text

Long Way From Home [Part One] | Arin Hanson X Reader

You and your best (and only) high school friend, Arin, spend a day together at the new mall in your hometown. Your parents give you earth shattering news that turns your world upside down

Word count: 1670

The tires of your bike propelled you forward, the occasional rock crunching below its weight. Your legs pedaled as fast as they could, fueled by your determination to beat him to your destination. There was no way he could catch up to you in time.

“Slow down! You’re already winning!”

“No chance, Hanson!”

Two sets of tires skidded to a stop in front of the mall in your hometown of Wellington, Florida. It hadn’t even been a year since the mall was built, and it was already riddled with tourist trap crap. There were machines at every turn for little trinkets and souvenirs. Pressed pennies, cheesy keychains, and dad hats. You thought it was a bit cringy, but for whatever reason, Arin loved it.

“Alright, (Y/N), lunch or Pokemon card hunt first?” Arin looked at you as he asked the question, waiting for your answer before entering the building. You adjusted the strap of your backpack to prevent it from further slipping off of your shoulder.

“Cards. That way you can open them and brag about it while we eat. You did remember to bring your sleeves, right?”

“In my pocket. I didn’t bring that many, though. I probably won’t get any rares.”

“Fingers crossed. Alright, let’s go.”

The mall was busy, as it was practically every weekend since it opened. The two of you swerved through crowds, around slow walkers and even managed to dodge the few seemingly unattended children that ran a million miles an hour in your direction. As you approached the game store, you crossed your fingers, hoping you could find what you were looking for.

Arin bolted directly inside and to the card display before you even had a chance to set foot inside. It wasn’t hard to find him when you finally did. The large sign advertising the new Pokemon: Neo Destiny release was practically a beacon for finding your friend. He already had at least seven packs in his hands by the time you found him.

“Dear christ, Arin. You know you can’t buy out the whole store, right?” you laughed, gesturing to the packs of cards in his hands.

“It’s only ten packs!” he said defensively, grabbing one last pack. You shook your head, unable to help the smile that crept onto your face.

With pockets full of new Pokemon cards, Arin followed you to the food court. Both of you had agreed that it would be best if you took your food to one of the tables outside, and after receiving your orders, did just that. As Arin placed the food onto the table, you removed a small box from your backpack and slid it across the table to him, the Pokeball design slightly scratched from it.

“Ok, fingers crossed. Crack ‘em open, Hanson,” you prompted, taking the hot fries out of their container and cautiously biting into them. The look of excitement on his face was one that you wouldn’t trade for the world.

The first half was nothing to brag about. Almost every card was a common, with some neat looking holofoils mixed in. The next four packs after that revealed a number of low-level rares, all of which ended up getting sleeved just in case. Then there was the last pack.

“Holy shit! Oh my god, are you fucking kidding me?! Yo!!” Arin practically screamed, a look of amazement plastered on his face as he stared at the card in his hand. His free hand ran through his hair as he let out an excited laugh.

“Wanna share with the class there, bud?” Your voice held a tinge of amusement. Seeing him that excited never ceased to be one of your favorite things in the world.

“I got a foil Dark fucking Espeon! Holy fucking Christ!” He scrambled wildly to find a sleeve to put the card in, his frantic movements turning into careful, precise ones as he slipped the card into one.

“Good pull, Hanson! God damn, nice work.”

“That’s fucking awesome. Oh my god, I can’t believe I pulled that. That’s amazing.” You did have to admit, the shine of the foil did make it look super cool.

“Alright, mission accomplished, fantastic pull made. You gonna eat or what?” you asked, placing the now full box of Pokemon cards back in the backpack. You gathered up the empty card packs and threw them away as Arin finally started eating his lunch.

You were finally about to head out after he had finished eating, but before you could even see your bikes, Arin grabbed your arm to prevent you from walking any further.

“Look! They have one of those machines where you can make your own dog tags!” You looked in the direction that he was now pointing and, sure enough, he was right. You sighed, knowing exactly where this was going.

“Arin, no. It’s cheesy tourist crap. I’m not doing that.” You tried to take a step forward, but he just pulled you back.

“Come on, please? Perfect ending to a perfect day. Think of how cool it would be to have dog tags with our names on them! Please, (Y/N), I promise I’ll never ask for anything like this again. Just this once, I promise,” he pleaded. You so desperately wanted to say no, that it was most likely cheap metal that would rust or break within a week, but as he always did in moments like these, he was boring a hole into your soul with those damn eyes of his, and you couldn’t resist.

“Damn it. Fine, but just this once, and only because of the Espeon,” you relented, still trying to hold even a shred of sternness. Still keeping a hold on your arm, he bolted over to the machine and began digging around for coins in his pockets. You took the handful of quarters you always kept in a small pocket of your backpack and handed them to him.

“Ok, uh, what should I put on it?”

“Didn’t you just say you wanted your name on it like, three seconds ago?”

“I mean, yea, but I want this to be perfect. I don’t know if just my name and a little picture of a palm tree would be cool enough.”

“Here, let me do mine first,” you offered, moving in front of the machine. The quarters clinked as they disappeared inside, and the machine whirred to life. You typed out what you wanted to be on the tag, making sure to hide the display from Arin until you were finished. The machine went to work carving the letters and image into the metal, and dropping it into the dispenser once it was done.

Arin got to it before you did, reaching into the slot and bringing it closer to himself to read it.

AJH (Y/I) ESPEON 2002

He laughed as he read it, rubbing his thumb over the little carved palm tree under the lettering.

“Well?” you asked, smiling at his apparent amusement with your inscription choice. He nodded and handed the small piece of metal to you.

“That’s perfect. I’m doing that, too.” Taking a step back, you dramatically gestured to the machine, allowing him to make his own. Once the tag clattered out of the machine, he picked it up and inspected it before proudly turning it towards you, revealing an exact replica of the design you had used. “Now we match.”

“Yes we do. Alright, I really need to head home. Let’s go.”

~~~~~

The front door to your house closed quietly behind you. Something was up. Usually, your parents would still be at work at this point in the day, but for whatever reason, both of them were home. You walked into the kitchen to get yourself some water, when your mom called you into her bedroom.

“Hi,” you said cautiously, not sure what to expect. The two of them both sitting on the edge of the bed, seemingly waiting for you set your nerves on edge.

“Come sit down. We have something to tell you.” Your dad gestured to a chair sitting across from them as he spoke. You sat down, expecting the worst.

“What’s going on?”

“I know this is going to be hard for you, but your mother and I agree that it would be the best thing for you.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“You’re going to move to Arizona with your au-”

“Arizona?! What? Mom, what is he talking about?”

“Your aunt has an extra room in her house, and there’s a really good high school there for you. I promise you’ll like it there.”

“I don’t know anyone there! It’s hard enough for me to make friends here, let alone in a completely new place!”

“We understand that, but a good education is worth it.”

“But Arin-”

“Arin will be fine without you. Now, we need this to happen as soon as possible, so you’ll fly out first thing tomorrow with your essentials, and we’ll send the rest of your things as soon as…”

Your mom’s words suddenly sounded like you were hearing them from the inside of a glass jar as you tried to process this. You knew things were bad for the three of you, but not bad enough to send you across the country. How the hell could they afford to move you away like this when they could hardly put food on the table on a consistent basis? How could they send you away from the only friend you had without giving you a chance to say goodbye?

“You’ll tell him, right? That I say goodbye, and I’ll miss him, and that I’m sorry. You’ll tell him?” Your words were strained, every ounce of energy being spent on trying not to break down then and there. Your parents exchanged a look, but through your foggy eyes, you couldn’t tell what it was about.

“We will. If I were you, I’d pack for tomorrow so you don’t have to worry about it when you wake up.”

#arin hanson #arin hanson x reader #game grumps #egoraptor #long way from home #yikes this is really bad lmao #i know jack shit about pokemon

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five-wow · 4 years

Note

Hi, I'm a fellow writer in the fandom and I admire your work. I wanted to ask, as a popular writer, do you get fixated sometimes on the number of kudos/comments/hits etc that your new work gets, and does this impact your motivation/inspiration? I think comparison is the thief of joy, and I really want to get over this feeling when I post my own work, so was wondering if even popular and regular writers such as yourself feel like this to, and if , what's your secret? Thanks!

Hi! 1) You are so sweet, ahh, and 2) YES, I DO. Gosh, yes, I absolutely do get insecure about those kinds of things, and I think that anyone who says they don't ever feel that way is either lying (to themselves, possibly) or maybe just pure magic, like some cross between a writer and a unicorn.

I love ao3 and I love all of its metrics and I love numbers and statistics, but there’s definitely that shadow side where having all of that easily available makes it deceptively easy to compare your own work to other people’s. I do it all the time! It honestly makes it a little hard for me at times to read h50 fic and fully enjoy it, because I keep... looking at it and wondering how my own stacks up against it, unwillingly. That's not a relaxing experience, and sometimes not even a very fun one. (Another part of it is that I just write SO MUCH for h50 and there is SO MUCH I still want to write, and I don’t want to risk reading something that’s very close to an idea I had and then never being quite sure if what I write after that was influenced by the other person’s work or if it’s really still my idea, because I have this (pretty irrational) fear of accidentally stealing someone else’s work even though one of the really great things about fandom is that it’s a very collaborative process as a whole and being inspired by other people’s stuff is usually totally okay, buuuut that’s a different rambly story.)

And I definitely do also get... some cringey feelings, hardcore, around fics I posted that don't do very well numbers-wise. Sometimes it's expected - fic that doesn't follow traditional formats or doesn't feature Steve/Danny, for example, is always something where I KNOW it won't get as much attention because I know how fandom works and that lessens the sting because it doesn't HAVE to hold up to those other fics that perform way better, because I already know it's not really comparable. The truth is, of course, that most fic is not really comparable to other fic, but it’s easy to fall into that trap anyway. If I post something that seems like my average kind of work and it gets less kudos or comments than usual, I do start to doubt the fic and second-guess myself - is something about this weird? Is it too [insert quality x]? Is it bad? Did I unknowingly do something terrible and people are now avoiding me? The answer to all of those is probably no, and going through it a bunch of times has definitely helped, because what usually happens is that I end up somewhat avoiding the fic in question because it makes me a little ashamed and awkward to think about it (a relative failure! oh no! I'm human!) and then, eventually, I return and reread the fic. By that point I have enough distance from it in time that I can look at it a lot more objectively, and it's way easier to see what works and what does not than when I posted it and I had just read it a dozen times in twenty-four hours and the words were burned into my brain. And upon that reread, inevitably, I realize that, holy shit, it was NOT AS BAD as I had made it out to be in my mind! It’s actually kind of fun! Imagine the ego boost of realizing your most cringy recent work is actually pretty okay, haha, and it's silly, but it's a revelation every time. The quality of a fic is not dictated by how many people read it or comment on it or like it, and intellectually I absolutely know that, but it’s hard to remember when it’s about yourself and you’re still in that emotionally vulnerable place of having just shared your work with the world and it feels like the world is not as into it as you thought (or hoped) it’d be. It’s honestly very, very reassuring to have those experiences to fall back on, but sadly the only way I know to get there is to just tough it out and feel super awkward for a while.

When I’m writing, on the other hand, I usually don’t really think about what other people might think of it. I have the advantage that (pretty much) all of my work consists of fairly short stand alone stories, which means I don’t have to struggle with keeping my motivation up for a second chapter of something but I get to start fresh every time, and that’s nice, because I can just lose myself in the joy of throwing words around and making characters do things that make me giggle. That’s not to say I never think of the outside world while writing - I realized, pretty recently, that I occasionally end up constructing paragraphs or pieces of dialogue a certain way mostly so it will make for a good excerpt to put in the eventual fic description, which might give me a sense of accomplishment because it’s nice when things work out and look good, but in all fairness it’s probably far more motivated by attempts to package the finished work attractively so other people will want to click on it than by anything else. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. I don’t think so - I don’t feel like it lessens my work and it doesn’t interrupt my enjoyment of it in the moment, which are the key elements for me - but other people might disagree.

But the heart of thing is, just, there are SO MANY factors that influence a fic’s numbers, and not all of them are visible (I’d argue most of them aren’t, in fact), and it always helps me to keep that in mind. It puts things in perspective somewhat and softens the harshness of a black and white kudo count judgment. Numbers can depend on when you post a fic (what day of the week, time of the year, time relative to big fandom moments, whether you’re in the middle of a global pandemic or not), how you pick your title, what you put in the description, how you use the tags, what genres or tropes are popular in your specific fandom, the genre of your fic in general (pwp as a rule tends to get lots of hits and few kudos or comments, for example, making it totally unfair to compare it to G-reated fluff fic with super different ratios), how much you’ve posted before (because if someone likes one of your works, they’re often likely to check if you have more in the same fandom), how many fics other people post around the same time (because yours might be gone from the first page of most recently updated works in a fandom or ship tag very quickly if others push it out), how big your fandom is(!!!) (over two thirds of my works on ao3 are for h50, but h50 only makes it into the top 10 of my most kudo’d works by the skin of its teeth) and definitely also what your fandom’s culture is like (compared to a lot of other fandoms, h50 fans are a-ma-zing when it comes to leaving comments, my gosh, and as a writer I adore all of you), how old your ao3 account is (the longer you’ve been around, the more likely a higher number of people is subscribed to you as an author or has read your previous work or has encountered your name, etc), how long your fic is (under a thousand words in my experience generally does less well than 1-5k, but longer fics might end up with lots of chapters which switches things up because people come back to it when there’s an update, and even if a long work is all in one chapter it will probably stand out for the wordcount and might attract attention that way, etc), whether or not your fic is part of a series (in my experience it will probably get more hits because it’s a chain of fics that leads you to the next one, but the kudos might not go up at the same rate because people might forget a kudo or reread previous works when a new one is added), whether you make a habit of commenting on other people’s fic (I’ve had comments saying MY comment on their work led them to my fic!), if you have social media like Tumblr or Twitter where you can promote your work (it’s advertising, basically), and any of a bunch of random little other factors. Sometimes, I see a sudden little cluster of kudos on an old fic in the daily ao3 kudos email, and I assume someone somewhere maybe recced that fic, but it usually remains a total mystery who or where or even if it happened at all and wasn’t just a weird coincidence to begin with. Sometimes the thing a fic’s popularity depends on is really just whether it clicks with people at that point in time, whatever that means, which is an even more impossible thing to grasp or predict than anything else.

Or you can look at things from a totally different angle and not try to make yourself care less about numbers, but just accept that you do because you’re human and we all crave validation, and instead try to roll with that. A brain hack: when I do start getting down about numbers, it also helps me to focus on one work and just... try to visualise what those kudo (or hit or bookmark or comment) counts mean, if you were to translate them to the real world. While it can be super helpful to remember that there’s a LOT going on that you can’t see and that’s virtually impossible to really explain, it’s also nice to somewhat do the opposite and try to make things as concrete as possible instead. I like measuring in school classes (~25-30 heads, I’d say) and “my fic only has fifty kudos but this other person’s has ten times as many” could easily make anyone sad and demotivated, but “my fic has fifty kudos and that’s TWO WHOLE CLASSROOMS packed full of people that all read my work and liked it so much they wanted to give me a little thumbs up for it” is actually pretty cool and encouraging, I think. Or you could measure in sports teams (I don’t know sports, but soccer has 11 players on the field per team, so as soon as your fic has 33 kudos that’s three teams which means you’ve got yourself a little beginning league! how exciting!) or in DnD campaigns (variable of course, but most of mine have had around four players plus a DM, so if you have twenty kudos? that’s FOUR WHOLE DnD campaigns that enjoyed reading your fic, and it’s fully up to you how many half-orcs that includes). You could apply this method using literally any other measurement that works for you, too. If you have a hard time painting a mental image of numbers, you could even open up a Paint doc or get a piece of paper and start counting out little dots or copy-pasted images of a person, or get a big bag of physically present M&Ms and count them out, or take a good look at your dog and then go around the neighborhood and collect forty-nine more dogs and pile them all into your home and be slightly frightened by the utter delighted fluffy chaos that ensues in your living room. That’s how many people liked your fic! That’s a heck of a lot of wagging tails! Who knew a kudo could bark this loudly!

Disclaimer: maybe keep the dog thing as your very last resort, because your neighbors might not be super into their pet getting dognapped for the purpose of visualizing fanfiction stats. The point is really just to remember that there’s an actual person behind every kudo you get, no matter what the cumulative number is, and even if you have seven or five or three kudos, that’s seven or five or three very real people that hit that button. That’s pretty damn awesome. Also keep in mind how you feel if you read a fic, and take some time to realize that every single person that left you a kudo went through that same process of spending time reading words (the words you wrote!) and experiencing that story and THAT’S why they left that kudo. It’s a real person’s real investment.

This ended up very long and rambly, so tl;dr: You are in no way alone in feeling that way, it's okay and normal and so very very human to feel like that, but you still shouldn't let it get you down, because numbers fake being meaningful very well but are deep down just little squiggles on your screen and they’re more scared of you than you are of them, while at the same time there are real individuals that enjoy your work even if you usually never see them. Your fic is worth posting. That’s the one factor in all of this that’s a constant, not a variable.

(And as a very important sidenote, just be kind to yourself, always. Does it truly stress you out? Are you feeling really bad about it today? Does it make your anxiety spike? Then give yourself room to take a little step back and allow yourself some time away from it. Go watch something you enjoy, or read something nice, or do something else that makes you feel good. Fic is something that should add to your life, not subtract from it. You don’t owe anyone anything, not even yourself in this context, and I used to push myself occasionally to get something finished TODAY, and eventually I started realizing, well, why? Why not instead of reading it over again just get some sleep or watch an episode of something I want to watch, especially if I literally just finished the fic and I feel a little unsure about it and it might actually be beneficial to me and my own feelings about it if I just give it a day or even a week and let it rest and then look at it again and THEN post it, if I want to, whether that’s with some changes beforehand or not? Who set me that deadline that’s apparently looming over me? I did, and it’s fake, and it’s there for absolutely no good reason. Breathe. Put yourself first. Be really really really selfish about your own fic writing experience, even, because it’s supposed to be something you enjoy (that’s what a hobby is!), and the rest is secondary.)

#anon #ask #writing #ao3 #it's very odd to get called a popular writer by the way oh my gosh #nice!!! so very nice!!! thank you!!! but also difficult to reconcile with my own internal image of myself #all the more evidence that brains lie to us all the time #*

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solange-lol · 5 years

Text

not so typical love song - ch. 1/13

Chapter Title: Rollarcoaster

Words: 3,050

Note: my piece for the @pjo-hoo-bigbang !!! special thanks to @shelbychild and @wisdom-walks-alone for editing and helping me develop this story! it wouldnt exist w/o y’all!

Art by @lizzybizzyo! <3

read on ao3

—

Nico is staring at his computer, wordless. This isn't writer's block or surprise; it’s just the unknown reality of what this situation could lead to.

Another gay kid in his school. Another gay kid that isn’t Mitchell—who’s been out since 8th grade, and the only one to be out since then. Another kid at their school who’s hiding a secret.

Nico doesn’t even know if this kid is a boy or a girl or what, and frankly, he doesn’t care. There’s another kid like him. And he has no idea how to respond to the post.

The post is a submission from their school’s gossip blog on Tumblr, the notorious ‘hb-secrets.’ Piper had called him an hour ago, asking if he’d seen it yet.

“Seen what?” he had responded.

“The post on hb-secrets? About the closeted gay kid?” It hit Nico like a wall of bricks as he quickly went to pull up the website. Did somebody know? It was a relief when he saw the clipart Ferris wheel and a few short lines submitted by a blog called blue0919.

“I bet it’s that Brazilian sophomore. Paolo or whatever? Or maybe it’s Connor Stoll! I swear he’s been flirting with Mitchell, but Annabeth keeps telling me that he’s into Lacy or someone,” Piper continued as he read, but it was going in one ear and out the other as he processed the words on the screen

Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck on a Ferris wheel. One minute I’m on top of the world, and the next minute I’m at rock bottom. Over and over all day long, because a lot of my life is great. But nobody knows I’m gay.

“Gotta go. I’ll talk later,” Nico said quickly, switching off his phone. He knew it would raise suspicion, but it felt like time was turning in on itself. Nobody knew about Nico. In fact, nobody ever even suspected. He’s never been called names besides “Death Boy.” And yet, there were the exact words that described his life, written out in front of him like they were a second thought.

And now, he was staring at his computer with an empty Gmail draft open. The original poster had left their email at the end of the post, so Nico after glancing quickly at his Panic! at the Disco poster still proudly hanging on his wall, typed out a new address. He was stuck, though, unsure of what to say from here.

So, he started from the beginning.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: Oct 2 at 6:48 PM

Subject: Hey

Somehow you’ve managed to type exactly what I feel. Sorta scary, as if you’re inside my head or something. Maybe it’s just a gay thing to be speaking in metaphors about the pressure of everyday society.

That’s what I am. Gay. I don’t know if I’ve ever really said it out loud to myself.

It’s weird because I never really had a perfectly normal life. My mom died when I was young, so I never really got to meet her. My sister and I have always been super close until she went away to college. Now, not as much. I guess that’s just what happens when you live a million miles away.

And I’ve known my stepmom longer than I knew my real mom, but it was only a few years ago when I met my half-sister when she came to live with us because her mom died as well. Meaning, she isn’t the daughter of my stepmom. It’s a long story, and not really one I want to get into.

She’s super nice though. It’s funny, but despite being polar opposites with my older sister, they’re both mushy inside. Same with my stepmom. And my dad… he tries his best. We’re like exactly what you expect from a slightly broken family. Plus my dog who my cousin gave to me during a rough time. Honestly, she’s probably my favorite sibling out of them all. (Both my sisters would kill me if they knew I wrote that.)

And then there are my friends. I have some that are closer than others; Two of them I’ve known for a while now, and one who I only met recently but treats me better than some of the people I’ve known my whole life. While I admit, I’m not the most social person in the world, they’re pretty amazing as far as friends go.

So there it is. My perfectly normal life. Except for that huge ass secret.

He typed and retyped each line what felt like a thousand times, deleting word after word. He didn't know what was too much. It all felt like too much, really. He didn’t even know if he could trust this person.

Signing it was the worst part; he didn’t have any good pseudonyms. Eventually, he decided to leave it blank.

Without a second thought, Nico hit ‘send’ before leaning back in his chair and putting his hands over his head. Only a second later, a light knock came from the door, causing him to quickly sit up as Hazel popped her head in.

“Dinner’s ready if you wanna eat,” she smiled. She left just as quickly as she came, curls bouncing as she walked away. They had gotten over the awkwardness of having a new sibling only months after Hazel moved in, but there was still some strangeness. To this day, Nico was still a lot closer to her than Bianca was. Either way, Nico knew he would do anything for her. (Not that he would admit that. He didn't even need to, Hazel already knew.)

Nico glanced back at his computer, but there was nothing in his inbox besides the Gmail “Welcome” email. It was stupid to think this person would respond that quickly, seeing as Nico didn't even know if they would respond at all. Heaving a sigh, he got up to join his family for dinner. Maybe he could even convince them to watch Steven Universe instead of The Bachelor.

---

Dinner went as expected. It’d been a while, actually, since they were all together for a meal. Hazel talked about her psycho geometry teacher and a boy she talked in the class named Frank, who seemed sweet but apparently had a shared hatred for math just like her. Nico didn’t say much, although chimed in at the latter, saying he better be the flower boy at their wedding. That even got a short scoff out of his father, which tended to be the closest Nico ever got him laughing. So, that was a win.

However, he was a little more distant than usual. The pending email response was in the back of his mind during the entire meal.

Even afterward, as they watched reruns of Glee (a compromise made between Hazel and Nico, much to their father’s dismay), Nico couldn’t focus. It felt like a weight was burning through his back pocket. After the second episode (and laughing his ass off at his father’s reaction to Kurt’s ‘Single Ladies’ dance) he finally excused himself.

He tapped the Gmail app on his phone as soon as he had reached his room. It felt like his heart skipped a beat when he noticed the new notification, a response from the original poster. With slightly shaky hands, he tapped the response, and a message opened up.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: Oct 2 at 8:12 PM

Subject: I’ve never done this before

Dear anonymous person on the internet,

I really don’t know where to begin. I’m also not sure if you're a real person. For all I know you could be some random pedophile like one of those cases they warned us about in health class for the past 5 years, even though it’s never happened within the last decade.

But in case you are real, hello! I’m the original poster from that hb-secrets thread about life being a Ferris wheel. I’m rereading what I wrote there and I can’t stop cringing, so I’ll start by apologizing for that. I’m not usually one for metaphors, even the bad ones.

Anyway, it sounds like you identify with what I wrote. I’m glad you emailed me; I didn’t think anyone would actually do anything with the email that I left. Except maybe be extremely homophobic. But it made me feel less like I was shouting into the void, so thanks for that. And I assume you’re okay with me writing back since you sent me the first email. Though, I can’t believe I’m actually writing to you. I really didn’t think I would.

I guess I’m thinking it could be nice to talk with someone who can relate to how I’m feeling. No pressure, of course, but feel free to write back if you want to. I don’t want to use my real name, but you can call me Blue.

It was surreal. Someone who was like Nico. Someone who wanted to talk to Nico because they were like him.

He started to type again, with more excitement than he’s ever felt. He’s never been able to express this part of him before. It was almost like first date jitters-type feeling.

(Not that he really knew what that was like.)

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: Oct 2 at 8:23 PM

Subject: Re: I’ve never done this before

Hi, Blue

Wow, I’m actually kind of flipping out right now, because I seriously didn’t think I’d hear from you, especially so quickly. Wow. Okay. First of all, thanks for your email and also for your Tumblr post. I really liked it, Blue, and it wasn’t cringy at all, I promise.

So do you go here (here meaning HBHS)? I do, I’m a junior. And I’m a guy (are you a guy?) Anyway, I could relate a lot to your post, Like, pretty much all of it, but especially the part about being gay. You probably figured that out already though. And I’m not out yet either, which you probably figured that part out too.

I guess a part of me wants to be out, but a part of me’s like… no. It’s hard to explain. I don’t know. Maybe you get it.

So yeah, it’s really nice to meet you! This is kind of cool, right? Even writing this email makes me feel eleven times less alone.

-Angel (not my real name either, two can play at this game. It’s not like a pet-name type thing. If you ever find out who I am, you’ll understand why.)

He was worried about the whole name-signing thing. ‘Angel’ was just the easiest thing; it was a direct translation of his last name. He was really hoping Blue still didn’t take it in a weird way, even with that last note.

Relief flooded through him when he read the first sentence of Blue’s next email.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: Oct 2 at 8:41 PM

Subject: Re: I’ve never done this before

Angel, huh? Maybe like guardian angel perhaps.

Also, eleven times less alone? That’s oddly specific. :) But I know exactly what you mean.

Anyway, wow. Hi. You wrote back, and quickly too. I’m really glad you liked my post. Now I’m actually happy I put it out there. I have to admit, it’s strange to be writing a somewhat personal email to you when we don’t know each other’s identities. Though, in a way, I guess that makes it easier. Sorta like a therapist, except we’re both blindfolded and have the same problem. So not really a therapist, I guess.

Do you think therapists have therapists? Like, if the problems get to be too much for them? Is there an Almighty Therapist who just absorbs everyone's issues and feels nothing?

Anyway, I am a guy, and I’m also a junior at HB. I think you’re actually the first other gay guy I’ve met here. It’s pretty surreal to be talking to you. (In a good way though.) I wonder if we know each other in real life.

And I think I understand what you mean. I feel like I’m constantly going back and forth about wanting to come out. I have these moments where I’m almost bursting to tell people. Of course, that’s where I was when I posted the thing on Tumblr. But I always feel so weird about it a few hours later, and sometimes I’m intensely relieved no one knows yet. What about you?

-Blue

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: Oct 2 at 9:12 PM

Subject: Re: I’ve never done this before

I mean, let’s be real, eleven is the best number, which is perfect because we’re both in eleventh grade. And I can't believe we’re both juniors. The class is pretty small compared to the others, so I bet we do know each other, which is weird to think about. What if we’re actually enemies in real life? Do you have enemies? I don’t think I do, not really. Various people tend to annoy me a lot. It’s not even their fault; some people just have really punchable faces.

(I’m usually a really nonviolent person. I’m more like a violent person who at the same doesn’t really want to hurt anyone, so I have to resort to fantasizing about punching people, which just ends in eating my feelings in large quantities of McDonald’s.)

It’s funny for me, it’s actually not so much that go back and forth about wanting to come out. It’s like I simultaneously do and don’t want to be out. Which is pretty freaking exhausting, honestly. Like I’m in this constant state of JUST SAY IT and NO NEVER. Do you think that ever ends? I don’t know, maybe I’m just a really indecisive person. I think part of me is also just holding out until college when I’m away from anyone I know and can just reinvent myself.

So what kind of stuff do you like to do after school and everything?

-Angel

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: Oct 2 at 9:34 PM

Subject: Re: I’ve never done this before

I don’t think I have any enemies, but now I’m definitely wondering if I’m the guy with the punchable face. How do you know if you have a punchable face? I’ve never been punched, so hopefully, that’s a good sign.

I will say, I’m definitely with you on the issue of eating your feelings. I’m the person who has never smoked a cigarette or gotten drunk or anything like that, and I'm usually relatively healthy. However, I once ate five jars of Nutella in one sitting. I do not recommend,

I’m indecisive, too, in some ways. Okay, full disclosure: I was really conflicted when you sent me that email. I kept going back and forth about whether I should email you. I was (and am) definitely intrigued, but I guess I was also a little bit paranoid. It’s just that you could have been anyone, and it’s hard to know sometimes if someone’s being a jerk or if they’re being sincere. Plus my cousin sort of actually outed me. Not to anyone else, he’s the only one who knows, but now I’m super paranoid about coming out. (Exactly what you said about holding out until college. I’m thinking I can move to LA or somewhere where nobody really cares. Although I wouldn’t want to reinvent myself. And I don’t want you to reinvent yourself either, you’re pretty cool as you are I think.) Anyway, I’m really glad I decided to email you, though.

So, you’re probably going to think I’m ridiculous, but I’d rather not answer your last question. It’s just… I think I like being anonymous for now. Is that okay?

-Blue

Okay, that last part was fair. Nico understood the wanting-to-be-anonymous thing. Sure, they go to the same school. But Blue had no reason to entirely trust him; Nico didn’t really trust Blue at all. This could entirely be some random asshole anywhere in the world trying to find him and beat him up, or worse. It sucked that homophobia was still a thing in their day and age.

But Blue said he liked talking to Nico, and it was thrilling to talk to him. It was another secret of his, but not one he entirely minded keeping. So, he chose to believe that Blue was actually who he said he was.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: Oct 2 at 9:57 PM

Subject: Punchability

Blue, you have so much to learn about the rules of punchability, starting with the fact that it is completely impossible for you to have a punchable face. Rule number one: guys who make metaphors about Ferris wheels are automatically unpunchable. Rule number two: There isn’t one. Just rule number one, so memorize it. Everyone else can catch these fists. (Catch these fists? These hands? This would probably be more intimidating if I knew the correct phrasing)

Also, five jars of Nutella in one sitting is the worst idea I’ve ever heard in my life. Challenge accepted.

I don’t think you’re ridiculous, Blue. I totally understand why you don't want to tell me about your extracurricular activities (I’m guessing interpretive dance, though, you seem like the type.) But seriously, I get it. It’s this weird contradiction, right? It’s so much easier to be open with someone who doesn't know you at all. We’ll be each other's Ultimate Therapists.

(Except I don’t think I could ever be a therapist.)

Anyway, I’m really glad you decided to email me back, too :)

-Angel

That smiley face was really unlike him.

Nico sent the email, but after nearly an hour, he didn’t get on back, which meant Blue was probably asleep. Which was different from what Nico was used to; he tended to stay awake until the early hours of the morning most nights. But it wasn’t anything he minded. He had a conversation with Blue, and even if that was the last one they would ever have (which, he was hoping it wouldn’t be), it was good to know that there was somewhere out there like him.

#solangelo #heros of olympus #pjo #will solace #nico di angelo #pjo hoo big bang 2019 #im willing to make a tag list for this but i didnt want to use my general solangelo taglist #so if you would like a taglist for this fic lmk!#nstls

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sparklebitch · 5 years

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Dan and Phil’s Impact

Okay this is going to be long and rambling because I’m trying to type it on my phone in the car and my thoughts are all over the freaking place and I don’t blame you if you don’t want to read the whole thing I’ll put a tldr at the end lmao.

So first of all I’ve been watching Dan and Phil since like? 2014~ And for a while there wasn’t a minute that went by where I didn’t think about them. Their videos got me through so much shit in my life. Even dumb video game videos were like my reprieve from real life. And yeah a lot of stuff was super cringy and I was definitely borderline one of those creepy people that wanted to know everything about their lives (obvs not anymore lol) but that aside they were such good freaking influences on me? I looked up to them so much and, sure, I have a lot of role-model-worthy people in my life, but no one like them.

Everyone around me is so aggressively religious (although a lot of them are totally cool about it and not bad peoples !! But the rest of them are total dicks) and I felt like I couldn’t... question myself I guess? About literally anything. I felt like I couldn’t question religion, sexuality, the things I liked, what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be. It was like everyone’s lives revolved around church stuff and people were basically born knowing what they were going to do? And there I was, an awkward, sexually confused, homeschooler who had 2 friends that she wasn’t even that close to. I felt like I was the only one in the world like this. Everyone seemed to have a place in the world, except me. I often thought that maybe it was a mistake that I was in this world, that there was some cosmic screw up and that I was never meant to be born. I felt incomplete and it was so confusing and horrible. I was sure that that feeling was never going to go away. I had no one to talk to, no one to explain to me that it was okay to screw up. It wasn’t the end of the world to question things or yourself, everything was going to be okay. All I wanted in my life was for someone to tell me that.

Then I found Dan and Phil. And yeah, they’re two British boys on the internet that will never know who I am. But that’s okay. They don’t need to know me to have an impact on my life. I mean, who’s ever been impacted by a song? A movie, a book, an actor, an artist? The human race is always searching for someone or something to look up to. Religion, famous people, a father figure, a friend. Someone. And that’s what they were to me.

People didn’t understand what it was that I liked about them. And, if I’m being 100% honest, I guess I didn’t really know either. Sure, they’re funny, and the chemistry between the two is very compelling but there was just something about them that spoke to me. I loved them. More than I had loved anything in my life. I looked up to them, and listened to the things they said, listened to the things they believed it. Through them I discovered so many of the things that I love in my life. I started writing and drawing because of them! It’s crazy to think that I am the person that I am today because of them. I can’t imagine what I would be like if I hadn’t watched their videos.

There’s a lot of uncertainty in my life right now as I’m finishing up getting my General Associates and I’m in the process of starting a daycare with my older sister. It’s a lot for me to process because for the longest time all I wanted to do was get away from here. I wanted to go somewhere and be someone new. And it wasn’t until recently that I realized that’s not what I actually wanted. I love my family and my friends, I love living here (aside from the bigots but they’re everywhere so there’s no escaping them). What I really, truly wanted was to be myself. It wasn’t my family and this town that I wanted to get away from, it was the me that I was pretending to be. I just wanted to be myself, that was all. I didn’t care if it was in a big town with new people, i just wanted people to know me. I wish I knew this back then, then maybe I wouldn’t have gone into a tailspin when I was getting ready for college but hindsight I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

When I finished high school it was like I was paralyzed. I didn’t know how to make decisions for myself or do anything on my own. All I knew was that I was not straight, seemingly surrounded by homophobes, and I was very very tired. So, toward the end of summer my mom pushed me enrolled me at a community college near home (which I am grateful for lol) and then I was going to transfer to a university after 2 years. Things started to feel better after that. Around that time I also started taking medication for depression and anxiety and it has only completely changed my life. No longer am I the super quiet painfully awkward person who’s so afraid to say something wrong that she instead stays silent, not telling anyone about my interests or passions in fear that I would be ridiculed, hiding core parts of me while the whole world passes by. I was talking and making jokes, I wasn’t constantly terrified to talk to people or to even simply leave my house to go places. Things were better. I was happier!

But as the time for me to transfer to a university drew near that paralyzing feeling crept back into my skin. I hated my classes. I hated college. I was suddenly plunged back into the world of endlessly scrolling through social media and watching the same shows on tv over and over, isolating myself from everyone and everything trying to ignore the world around me. I felt like everything was hopeless again. I was only occasionally watching dan and Phil videos at this time, having very reluctantly grown away from them (it was a sad day when I realized that I didn’t care if I skipped a video or two. I literally cried that day). But I was bored then, so I started watching their videos again. This was around the time that dan posted his video on depression (that’s a while other long ass post I could make but probably won’t because I’m already tired of typing) and i damn near called my mom (even though she was just downstairs) on the spot to tell her what I was feeling. Hearing that there was someone else out there that felt like I was was enough. But not only that, he explained that recovery is not a straight road. There are twists and turns, there are setbacks. It’s not like I was going to get better and everything was going to magically be awesome all the time. Some stuff was going to suck. I was going to go through shitty times and that was okay.

Because of him, I ended up going back to the doctor and explaining that my meds weren’t working anymore, and I got it taken care of. I feel so much fucking better now than I did before, and I know that it’s okay if I don’t always feel this way. I told my parents that I didn’t want to go to a university and they were okay with it, provided that I finished my 2 year degree at the community college. And while some things still suck, and I’m still worried about my future and whether or not I’m going to meet someone and fall in love, things are absolutely positively 1000% better than they have ever been. And a lot of it is thanks to them. Obviously it was me who actually took the steps I needed to to get here, but it was because of their being my role model that I had the courage to get where I am today.

Dan and Phil have such a unique platform and following. They could say jump and so many people would (metaphorically ofc) jump off the cliff, me included. But they don’t do that. They use their fame to positively impact people. They use their platform to encourage people and talk about important things in life. They share things about their lives in the hopes that it will help even 1 person out there... and I’m not the only one who they’ve positively impacted. The number of people that owe everything to them is crazy.

Okay so now I’m going to go a little bit into labels. (Not too much tho I’m seriously tired of typing lol). Dan talked about them a lot in his video. An entire freaking chapter of it was dedicated to labels. When I was younger I knew that I liked girls. I liked boys too though, so I just shrugged it off as Really wanting to be friends with girls. I didn’t know what the word gay meant until I was like 12 because I was a very sheltered child. My parents never talked about it and the only time I ever remember hearing the word before then was when one of my siblings called another sibling “gay” at the dinner table. The only thing I knew about the word was that my parents Did Not Like it. While I eventually stumbled onto the internet and learned a Lot of things, and a lot about labels, I became overwhelmed. There were so many words with so many meanings, and lot of times people didn’t agree on what the literal definition was. (Like bisexual meaning Only men+women vs. just like.. more than just 2+ genders) So for a long time I identified as pansexual because.. I didn’t know what to do. And based on my experiences on the internet, being bi was basically saying that you were excluding people. Idk it was fucked. The label ‘pan’ didn’t really feel like it fit me either, but it worked for the time being.

Dan’s comments on labels really got me thinking. I don’t think I’m a lesbian, but I don’t really know about bisexual either. When he said that he loved to use the word queer it just.. fucking hit me in the chest like a ton of bricks. I literally couldn’t breath. And it’s not like I’ve never heard people use the word queer. Tons of people identify as queer. But it was just something about the way he explained it? And maybe it was just the fact that it was him explaining it because, as I said before, I look up to him. He has a huge impact on my life. Saying queer gives me comfort. It feels less... restrictive I guess, for a lack of better words. I don’t know if this will be /the/ label for me, but that’s not the point. There doesn’t have to be a label for me. I, no one, should have to be pressured into finding a label so that other people have something to call you?? Fuck labels. Fuck people who pressure you into picking one. You be you.

So, in conclusion (honestly I feel like this has all been so incoherent I apologize) I don’t want to hide forever. I don’t. I hope that some day I can have even a fraction of the courage that Dan has to tell the people that I care about who I truly am. And the first step is telling someone.

So, to everyone who sees it here, most of which probably know or don’t care,

I’m bisexual, bitch. And I use the word queer.

It took so much fucking courage for dan to post that video and I have crazy amounts of respect for that man. I’ve said it a thousand times already, but I’m going to say it again. I’m so. Fucking. Proud of him. And I know he’s probably going to get thousands of stories like this one (if he hasn’t gotten that many already) but I’m going to tag him anyway. @danielhowell , you’ve changed my life. You’ve changed millions of people’s of lives for the better. Thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done.

Tldr; dnp mean everything to me, even though I’ve grown away from them, they have been and always be a big part of who I am and i am so fucking proud of Dan.

#daniel howell #dan #dan howell #dnp #danisnotonfire #lgbt #queer #bi #bisexual #personal

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paperclipninja · 5 years

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Younger post-ep ramble 6x09

After the very public outing of Liza’s real age last week, it was no surprise that this week’s Younger episode, ‘Millennial’s Next Top Model’, was all about the fallout. In true Younger style we were treated to some unexpected twists and turns, saw Kelsey take control at work and in her personal life and welcomed back my #1 mega-villain who I hate-love fiercely, Quinn Tyler. This ep was written by Grant Sloss, who is responsible for a number of my favourite episodes and lot of my fave moments in the series and one thing I am always blown away by is his ability to craft character interactions in which the sentiment and emotion are really palpable (plus the one-liners are always top of the game) and we certainly saw a number of those this week. Even though Liza is 100% responsible for the position she now finds herself in, my heart went out to her this whole episode and Kelsey, Charles and Diana’s show of solidarity right from the get-go pretty much sums up everything I love about this show.

I need to say upfront that while I know this episode is all about Liza, it is hands down my favourite episode of Kelsey’s in the series. In a time of real pressure and stress, we see Kelsey step up in the role of publisher, starting with the damage control team meeting in her office. I have big feelings about this opening moment, in which Diana proves why she is an actual Queen who rises above past grievances and now offers unwavering support of Liza while continuing to have zero time for Zane’s bullshit (the ‘well mercifully they have a paywall now’ to Zane’s New York Magazine tidbit was all of the yes). We learn of the deal with Infinitely 21 (was it just me or did anyone else get heart flutters at the thought of Kelsey, Diana and Liza being their brilliant selves and brokering that arrangement? Just me? Cool) and I have spoken of my love for the way this show parodies real life things but this might take the cake. Alexa, what are synonyms for ‘forever’? I just adore that it is very clear that Kelsey is in charge and that Charles and Diana are offering up potential solutions (Diana’s ‘rest her a bit’ is so in character I cannot. Between that and Charles’ thoroughbred thighs from season 4 I fully expect her to have a couple of horses upstate somewhere called Charles and Liza by the end of this series), meanwhile Zane clearly still hasn’t caught on to the fact that these three are not going to throw Liza under a bus.

Enter Liza as he’s ending his tirade about her poisoning the company (and lbh, what he is saying isn’t actually ridiculous from a business p.o.v but he’s talking about the best friend, girlfriend and (old) maid of honour of the people in the room) and it’s awkward af and pretty awful and I want to climb through my screen, wrap Liza in a blanket and tell her it’s all going to be ok. Zane’s extreme over-estimation of his importance in Liza’s life continues when he tells her that what he’s saying can’t be personal because ‘I don’t know who you are’ (worth it for Charles’ ‘Zane’ reprimand though amirite) and as I said after last week’s episode, I can’t even count on one hand the number of interactions Zane and Liza have had so yes Zane, that is accurate and nothing to do with her age reveal. At least once he discovered that Kelsey has known about the lie he FINALLY has a reason to be hurt (maybe? Still a little fuzzy on this one) and look Zane saying they’re all insane might be somewhat accurate but everyone in that room loves Liza and I love all of them so I felt personally attacked tbh.

Keeping with the stellar guest star casting this season, Shelly Rozansky (played by Annaleigh Ashford) is every kind of irritating as brand rep of Infinitely 21. Kelsey and Liza’s meeting with her, in which Shelly explains that 'the tea’ is that their authentic brand cannot be associated with Millennial’s inauthentic one (I love the moral high ground re: brand but I’m pretty sure Millennial doesn’t have factory workers making less than a living wage so…) and this very real ramification of Liza’s lie paves the way for one of Liza’s best moments on the show to date.

Taking that tea of Shelly’s and throwing it in her face, Liza’s monologue that 'everyone is pretending to be younger’ reaches it’s climax with the zinger, 'Millennial is not an age, it’s an attitude and if you can’t sell that, we’ll go somewhere else’, and Kelsey’s look of pride, same girl SAME. One thing I have commented on in the past is that as a '26 year old’ Liza rarely, if ever, really stood up for herself. The few times we’ve seen her do so have been as the forty year old who takes no crap from anyone (David, Charles, Don) so I am here times a million for strong ass Liza to finally shed that guilt, know her worth and be able to show this side of herself now that the lie is no longer in play (I feel like Diana will dig this very much).

Turns out Shelly was quite into Liza’s feisty outburst too ('what you screamed at me today, justifiably, we’re still friends promise…it resonated’ = award winning line/delivery combo), as she calls to let Liza know they’re going to unfreeze the partnership and asks Liza to be the face (and legs) of Infinitely 21’s Spring campaign. This phone call takes place in a very delicious looking cupcake shop where Liza and Charles are playing cards with his daughters in an all round delightful family situation that gives us a glimpse of the Miller-Brooks dynamic and makes the point that after a pretty terrible day, Liza is grateful to have this in her life to counter all the drama. I am also pleased to see that Bianca and Nicole have been located (meanwhile Caitlin, Beth and all of Josh’s friends remain stuck in the Upside Down or have become bunker people or something equally ominous I fear).

I am very into a number of aspects of this entire scene: a) Charles eating candy just up and gets me for some reason. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it, but it’s akin to seeing him walking round barefoot, it confuses my brain but I’m pretty sure I like it; b) Bianca is clearly the fave child with her cute little, 'I won’t take your last bag of candy Liza’ (lol at Charles’ 'wow’ when Liza offers that up for the taking btw, he knows that’s a serious gamble) though I was 100% Nicole as a kid; c) those kids are so not sleeping after all that sugar so I hope they’re staying at Pauline’s, while Charles’ dad game is strong with the breakfast cupcakes and; d) Charles kissing Liza on the cheek as she takes Shelly’s call is so damn sweet (pun intended) and supportive and I love that Liza suggesting he go stand with the girls in case she starts crying again indicates she has been an open mess around him. It’s writing like this that I really appreciate when there is so much to fit into an episode, because it provides insight into the kind of relationship Liza and Charles have when there simply isn’t time to show it.

While Liza is drowning her sorrows in candy and cupcakes, Maggie is at the brilliantly cringy art exhibit, 'Masculinity Detox: A Softer Male Gaze’. Look I have to be honest, I was really happy to see Oded Fehr because he can play a skeeze with charm like no other, but I don’t know how I feel about this entire plot. I can only comment on it from a straight perspective, so I am aware that I’m not really in a position to express an opinion in relation to the impact of showing a gay character thinking it’s a good idea to sample a penis every ten years or so, but I certainly feel like it’s problematic. In relation to this character though, it is consistent with Maggie sleeping with Tommy Minetti (and his sister Tammy) as a result of Berlin’s 'Take my Breath Away’ (I don’t know why I remember that, I can’t remember what month it is yet this stuff is right there) and there is no denying that there were actual sparks between Maggie and Rafael in the loft, the palpable chemistry that Grant Sloss’ eps seem to draw out on full display.

Another dimension of Maggie that I love seeing emerge in this ep is that while she is usually a total badass in absolute control, every now and then we see that her judgement of character is just way off. There was Montana, those weirdo art collectors who actually collect artists and now this guy. I love that there’s a side of her that gets a bit blinded by flattery so she thinks 'what the hell?’ and the inevitable 'oh I CAN-NOT with this bullshit’ that follows, usually very publicly - Exhibit A: Maggie countering dirtbag Rafael’s, 'I’ll change you mind, I’m a flipper’ with a literal flip of the restaurant table once she realises she was simply another conquest. She seems so unflappable that these reminders that she’s fallible (I legit sometimes forget she’s not an actual super hero) are really great and maintains the 'flawed human’ aspect this show does so well. Honestly, other than Liza in a full tracksuit (sweat clothes?? I don’t know what it is in American but that cute pink sweat top and sweatpants combo) thinking they were being robbed and very confused by what had happened (so were we all lbh and Kinsey 9 LOL), it was Maggie equating sex with a man to being suffocated by a damp rug that was the highlight of this entire storyline for me. So damn funny.

Diana continues to have Liza’s back as she heads to the photo-shoot to steer her away from anything pleather (I may need a spin off of these two or some kind of one off special episode that’s just an elaborate Diana/Liza adventure, maybe rescuing Caitlin and co. from the bunker??), but not before we catch Kelsey still slaying it as a boss as she leaves a voicemail for the increasingly petulant Zane. Hearing her so firm and sure of herself is brilliant and the friendship vibe between Diana and Kelsey is peaking and I am loving every bit of it. I am so glad we heard Diana asking Kelsey how she took the lie, while Diana was able to forgive and move forward it would have been strange if we didn’t see her still processing some of it this week. Plus it’s Diana who points out that Zane’s tantrum is not because Liza is who he is upset with (and THANK YOU Kelsey for pointing out that Liza and Zane hardly know each other).

Rather than letting the whole Zane thing fester away, Kelsey continues to impressively show initiative by going to Zane’s and offering to cook dinner (which Zane knows is a lol and it’s not long before he’s cooking, so well played Kels) to give him the opportunity to ask anything he wants and she will answer honestly. Once a proper explanation of why Liza lied and why Kelsey kept it from him is given, Zane suddenly reverts back to being a rational human being which is a relief because he was fast becoming the worst (though his comment that they were all bad liars, what now?? Yes they be cray but their lying game is strong friend). I am not particularly invested in Kelsey and Zane as a pairing but I always appreciate good storytelling and writing, and revisiting the fact Zane told her he loved her in past tense was an example of both of these. In order for any kind of relationship between these two to progress believably this needed to be addressed and hearing Kelsey call Zane out on his shitty and manipulative behaviour was great, but even greater was seeing Kelsey drop her guard.

Opening up about being mad at herself too and that maybe if they were both more open about their feelings they wouldn’t have wasted so much time denying how they really felt; that she felt, no, feels, the same way, present tense; the resetting of the timer so she can finish what she was going to say instead of taking the option of backing out; the honest conversation…you know what all this is? Growth. Kelsey Lorraine Peters, I am just so damn proud of you because I am the first to admit that I was not sure this character could be redeemed for me after last season but here we are. The emotion for this whole scene, you could feel it and Zane’s, 'oh that timer was for food’ was fab, before he just casually drops in, ’ I love you, but stay out of my kitchen’. OK. Smitten mode activated.

Meanwhile, Diana is no doubt enjoying Shelly’s disbelief that she and Liza are almost the same age about as much as a root canal and Lauren appears with a 'bowflex for your face’ to combat the 5 o'clock jowls. Side note: Lauren and Liza really need to have a convo asap because I definitely feel like Lauren is not ok with the lie since it’s been revealed. Scene of the ep goes to Charles walking into the trailer (with flowers for Liza *swoon*) while Diana is flapping that contraption, before he slowly backs away and I tell you, I was howling so hard I almost ruptured something. Liza’s hideous romper/scooter combo is just no on many levels, she clearly feels super unnatural and the photographer snapping Charles and Liza, who are not expecting to be photographed while her being made up to look so young obviously makes them look very far apart in age and a bit awks means that yes, the daddy/daughter dance vibe is strong, though that line made me vom in my mouth a little bit.

Between shoots our extremely excellent villain Quinn pays Liza a visit to show her support and her well-polling glasses. Her real talk that the good news about the publishing reaction to Liza’s lie is that 'eight blocks outside of midtown, nobody cares’, is what we were all thinking and is def to be filed under 'G’ for Gold. So naturally Quinn drags her into a completely self-serving NY1 interview (bless Liza for thinking they wanted to interview her) and I freaking love Quinn, she’s such a delicious character coz she’s awful and funny and pretty and a total smart ass. I stan.

Before we jump to the second part of the photo-shoot I have to say that the very obvious ploy to try and juxtapose Liza’s relationships with Charles and Josh felt like it was trying too hard and was mostly disappointing to me because it felt so forced. I want to be very clear that it has nothing to do with who I like Liza with romantically, it would have felt contrived regardless and was the only aspect of the episode that I felt could have been crafted with a little more nuance. Or maybe that was the point? Perhaps the obviousness was part of the humour of it *shrug emoji*

Either way, Liza is looking pretty exhausted when Josh turns up at the bar photo-shoot for reasons (whose name I am betting is Lauren Heller because there is no way he would just turn up and it is 100% in her wheelhouse to send him along after seeing the expressions on her face at the earlier shoot. I feel like this will def come out at some point and that really this whole shoot is serving to bring about stuff in future eps) and he doesn’t get to explain why he is there because he’s teasing Liza about being a model and I really do love their banter. Shelly has no idea what’s happening but she likes it and is thirsting pretty hard as she shakes his hand and I enjoyed hearing Liza talk about Josh as patient zero, her 'would you correct him?’ as she squeezed his cheeks made me smile. I know there have been a LOT of feelings about this scene expressed on social media, but I found the reminiscing, as Josh talked about how when he first met Liza he thought she was smart and sexy and he wanted to keep talking to her, really sweet (and quickly countered by his joking about being really drunk and it being dark).

I actually love this dynamic so much and if this show had moved these two properly into the friendzone I would be celebrating this as a pin-up example of how to show romantic-platonic relationship transition. I still may, because at this stage there is nothing to indicate that Liza is anything but committed to Charles and Josh gave no impression of pining for her IMO, but as an experienced TV connoisseur (aka obsessive tv show watcher) I am not naive enough to think that this interaction mightn’t be setting in motion a resurgence of the triangle. By the same token, I do not see any triangle in play at the moment and one thing this show does excel at is surprising us, so time will tell, but I am going to keep my faith in the writers to tell good, compelling stories that stay true to all the excellent characters and narratives they have in front of them, as they have done up until now.

While Liza’s colleagues aren’t going to throw her under a bus, Quinn is not only more than happy to, I’m pretty sure she’d drive the bus herself if it served her own self interest. Quinn saying that she found out about Liza’s lie the week before in The New Yorker article, ooomph, did you feel that? It was the wind being knocked out of all of us, along with poor Liza, as Quinn counters Liza’s suggestion that she knew the truth before she invested on live TV. It was evident fairly quickly that Quinn was using the interview as a campaign platform and Liza’s expression as Quinn betrays her so publicly is yet another credit to Sutton Foster’s incredible talent.

My Kelsey love was brought home this week when she met Quinn following the NY1 interview. She is unrelenting in her backing of Liza and unwavering in her stance to Quinn when she is asks her to fire Liza. From the moment she arrives Kelsey is so kick ass, she sees every one of Quinn’s attempts to bully her into getting what she wants and Kelsey’s, 'please don’t minimise the strength I bring to this meeting’ was such a hell yes moment. There is something so satisfying about seeing Quinn in a position where she needs something from Kelsey and Kelsey standing so firm. Kelsey’s 'are we done here?’ before walking away was such a power move and the transition into her own office the next day, with Charles reassuring her that she did the right thing, was wonderful. Seeing these two as equals, talking business with a bit of a mentor/mentee dynamic is a dream. It was on my season 6 wish list and I can’t wait to see more of it.

It is upon discovering that Audrey Colbert’s manuscript delivery cheque bounced and that Diana just heard one of the Jennifer’s, the sloppy one from publicity (this line, I swear and also I need to meet her), say her direct deposit didn’t go through that we discover Quinn has thrown the ultimate tantrum and pulled her funding and Mercurennial is broke.

Poor Liza feels that it’s all her fault, I’m sure partly because of the way her colleagues turn and look at her when she walks in the office and partly because it is, but Charles continues to play the role of ultimate supportive partner as they stroll down the street after work, pointing out that Liza attracted Quinn to the company in the first place (and we ALL know it was not the company she was attracted to). I am simple folk and Charles saying he’s spoken for as he put his arm around her made me melt into a puddle and if anyone is feeling concerned about Liza’s level of besotted, watch this final scene as Charles reassures her that, 'you know what’s great about the worst thing happening? There’s no place to go but up. Only good things ahead’. I may have actually died from the sweetness of the entire thing and Liza does exactly what any self respecting person would in that situation and kisses him before they walk off hand in hand. To live happily ever after…jokes LOL I mean it’s television and it turns out Infinitely 21 has the most efficient marketing team on the planet because their campaign is launched and whattya know, it looks as though Liza and her ex will be plastered all over the city.

File under 'O’ for OF COURSE.

#youngertv #younger tv #ramble #review #younger season 6 #6x09 #liza miller #charles brooks #diana trout #kelsey peters #team charles #tv

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pennyfynotes · 6 years

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8.2.18 // 4:30pm // school subjects and AP exams oh my

so i recently (ok not so recently i’m sorry super busy rn) got an ask from an anon about subject specific tips and ap exams. this is the masterpost i told you to look out for ;). there are no ap exams in college, but some of the stuff is still applicable. i did my best to be as comprehensive as possible and dump everything in one place. hope this is helpful! xoxo, m ps. guess where the actual tips are? if you said “under the cut” then you’re right bc i’m predicable af

tips by subject:

languages (i took spanish): 1. flashcards are your friend. i don’t care if they’re digital (would recommend quizlet or studyblue) or paper, but they help immensely with either vocab or things like remembering literature.

2. charts are also your friend. conjugations giving you a hard time? write out a chart of the different tenses and the conjugations for each subject. put down some of the irregulars too.

3. acronyms/pnemonics are also also your friend. a lot of these already exist, you just have to go find them. i’m pretty sure i still remember what “wedding” stands for for the spanish subjunctive.

4. it’s ok to start over. it’s easy to start a sentence based on what you’d say in english. you’re doing fine until *bam* you hit that word/phrase you really need but you have no clue how to say it. whether it’s an oral or written exam, take a few seconds to think about it and, if you can’t figure it out, just back track. restart the sentence and rework it. better to do that than to lose all your time thinking of one word you may or may not know.

5. skirt around things. if you can’t remember how to say fridge but you really need to say it for something, just say “machine that keeps food cold” or something. it might sound silly, but it gets the point across and removes the road block.

6. make a list. no, not a to do list. if there’s phrases you find yourself reaching for all the time, but you can never remember, make a list of them and their translations. it might be because its a phrase/part of a sentence structure you use a lot in your native language or whatever. make that list and drill just those few phrases into your head. it’s helpful

english/language arts: 1. proofread. i guarantee you’ll find a mistake, a sentence that makes no sense, or one that just sounds cringy. thank me later.

2. have a damn thesis. its ok if you just need to write and spit words/ideas out for a while to figure it out. but figure it out.

3. conclusion ~= introduction. for those of you who didn’t get the tilde, it means not. yes, they both tie your points to your thesis but they are not to same. do not just reword the same information in the conclusion. push your ideas just a little further. i usually like the push them a little bit outside the realm of what i talked about in my paper. for example, if i focused on the first 5 chapters of the book in the rest of my paper, i’ll expand the ideas to the rest of the book. or if i’m talking about female characters and focus on just one or two, i’ll use the conclusion to potentially connect it to another.

4. have favorites. pick a few fav transitions, sentence structures, and fancy vocab words. basically build a toolbox. this way you won’t have to think as hard when you want to “spice up” your work.

5. summaries only go so far. once you get to higher level english classes, there will be a lot of analysis of specific imagery, or wording, or dialogue. reading cliff notes is only going to give you the plot and none of this. if you don’t have time to read and you’ve been assigned a pretty standard english novel/play/whatever, take the time to look up some famous quotes or symbols. they’ll probably come up in discussion and this will help you look less unprepared.

6. have on question/comment ready. if your teacher/prof is into discussions and grades on participation, it’s handy to write down one (or a few) things. it’s easy to forget what you were going to say while you follow the discussion and it sucks to get docked points for not saying anything. even if it’s just a thoughtful question, jot it down.

history: 1. lol prob my weakest subject, just go see the apush (ap us history) section bc i don’t have much more for you than that.

science: 1. back to basics. i say it all the time, i’ll say it again. really understand basic concepts. they will come back. i’m serious.

2. pattern recognition. science problems are often times about recognizing patterns. once you identify the type of problem it is, even if you’ve never seen the exact one/something similar before, solving it becomes way easier.

3. make a recipe book. tied to the last one, but once you recognize a type of problem, you need steps to solve it. go through any practice problems you’re given to determine all the “types” of problems. once you’ve categorized them, make yourself a step-by-step guide on how to solve.

4. flashcards. you’ll have to know polyatomic ions or random biology facts. see languages tip #1 for more.

5. note your errors in lab. if you do something wrong, don’t just try to brush it under the table and forget about it. not that it’s a big deal, because its not, so don’t freak out. they’re just great opportunities to note sources of error. i mean obviously dont write in your lab report that you weren’t paying attention and mixed the wrong chemicals, but something like “we may not have waited sufficient time for the product to dry” can explain why you got 800% yield.

6. have a toolkit. kinda like a recipe book, but just a collection of straight facts that come up often. knowing common molecular weights and chemical properties (is ammonia acidic or basic?) will make things go faster. like i said earlier, polyatomic ions are also great.

7. brush up on some simple arithmetic. similar to the tool kit, this will just make things go faster. being able to quickly add things and calculate easy percentages (ex: 30%) will make things like hw and exams go faster. i’m of the opinion it’s always good to know how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide w/o a calculator (on paper, not all in your head)

bonus: math #5 and #7

math: 1. see science #1

2. see science #2

3. see science #3

4. see science #4. see a pattern here? you might wonder why you need to flashcard math, but it’s good for learning equations or the names of certain techniques. if the prof asks you to solve something using X technique and you don’t know what that is, that’s gonna pose a problem. also good for the unit circle (don’t get me started)

5. figure out your speed. this is applicable to most everything, but i find it most relevant for math. is it better for you to speed through the whole exam and then do it all again/check it over 2x? or for you to take it slow so you know you got everything right the first time? personally i use the first approach, but i’m a fast taker and prefer to have time to process between repeating problems instead of staring at it forever once and never looking again.

6. science #7. a lot of teachers will expect you to be able to do this.

7. go over the material a couple times. also applicable to everything. i find it’s easier to remember things when i know that concepts are connected. you might have learned X 3 weeks before Y, but if you go back over, you might realize they’re closely related. this will help you if you’re not sure on a test because you can reason through things using the connections you’ve drawn

tips by ap course (obv look at the subject above bc i will be giving *really specific stuff* here that i’ve gathered from experience. they’re also ordered by when i took them, sorry it’s not super logical but i didn’t want to forget one)

general ap course/exam tips: 1. practice exams. you need to be familiar with what will/will not show up. you don’t always need to simulate and real testing situation, but i’d recommend doing at least 1-2 that way. also *know how many questions they’re are you so can pace yourself!!!!*

2. college board is pretty good about giving topic breakdowns. use those. go through and figure out what topics you’re solid on and which need more work. the above tip is to help decipher what the topics actually mean bc it can be confusing.

3. give the free response a quick flip through. do the ones you’re confident on first.

4. make sure you know the policies/what you can bring. don’t want to forget something. also once our test administrator tried to stop us 10 minutes early, but we were on top of our shit and all gave her a death glare bc we knew when we were supposed to finish.

ap chemistry: 1. polyatomic ions and molecular weights. know them

2. chapter/section reviews (in addition to class notes) and how-to guides. my teacher made us make them and let’s just say your girl did *really* well (and i’m damn proud of that one)

3. do a quick skim of the free response. applicable to most exams but, the year i took it, they’d just remade and re-curved the exam and put *way* too many free response. like no one finished them. if that’s still the case, make sure you do the one’s you’re confident on. also, i did not get to like 3 questions and still got a 5. they may have fixed this idk. (sorry this is redundant but i wanted to give this ap chem exam specific info)

ap environmental science: 1. there is a lot of damn information here. i would use chapter outlines and pick out key terms, policies, and events etc. treat this like a history class.

2. for the exam, use common sense. most of the time, the most environmentally friendly answer is the right one. if you just have a general gist of the course and its topics, but don’t know a lot of details, go with your intuition and you should be fine. i didn’t have a lot of time to study for this one and this method worked for me.

ap calc bc: 1. memorize standard derivatives. power rule, sin and cos, chain rule. that’s important.

2. similarly, memorize standard integrals.

3. don’t forget +c for indefinite integrals. just don’t.

4. similarly, if it’s definite, don’t forget to evaluate at the end! super easy thing to do, but also super easy way to lose points if you forget.

5. if the integral looks complicated, that probably means there’s a “trick” involved. u substitution, integration by parts, trig substitution. something like that.

6. memorize some standard series’, operations, and types (arithmetic, geometric etc)

7. if you’re looking at a word problem, understand what is dependent on your variable and what isn’t (in other words, what’s a constant). for example, if it says the water flows into the barrel at 50 mL/s and flows out at 1/5 times the volume, that translate to F = 50 - (1/5)V. don’t make things more complicated by trying to write everything in terms of V (in this example). also, your equation might just be a constant term or just a variable term doesn’t have to be both.

8. know what your derivative is with respect to/what it really means. aka if your problem is talking about flow and volume, how are they related to each other? flow is the change in volume *with respect to time*. so if i differentiate volume with respect to time, i get flow. if i integrate flow with respect to time, i get volume. this also helps you make sense of word problems.

*disclaimer*: it is been 5 years since i took this class and i have taken quite a few math classes after. i apologize if i introduce anything that is a little irrelevant.

ap spanish language: 1. flashcard. like seriously. there’s gonna be vocab involved.

2. understand what’s asked. for the persuasive email. *be persuasive*

3. toolkit. i mentioned this before but this was probably the most useful for this class. our teacher gave us a bunch of fancier words to use instead of causar (to cause) because that was a word we’d need a lot. the one that still sticks with me 4 years later is fomentar. have a few alternatives for these kinds of super common words, a good greeting and closing for your email, and a set of good transitions. *make sure you know how to use them properly*

4. write stuff down during listening. you can either answer questions during the first listen, then take notes the second to catch stuff you missed or vice versa.

5. it’s ok to backtrack in the speaking. don’t let yourself get stuck and just not say anything. it’ll freak you out for the rest of the exam and will rob you from showing off what you know. also take notes of things you want to mention based off cultural knowledge of the situation related to the dialogue.

6. don’t zone out. with everything going on and all the stress, it’s easy to zone out (esp during the conversation). don’t do it or you’ll have a hard time responding and freak yourself out (again)

7. don’t lose your place in the convo! they give you a sheet that shows you how many times the other “person” will talk. i lost track and said goodbye one segment early. it was bad ok. all these conversation tips are from personal experience.

ap statistics: 1. know the different kinds of tests inside and out. know the differences and the conditions. if you’ve got that, you’re like 75% the way there.

2. be familiar with sample vs population. it’s a bit confusing, but take the time to understand.

3. ok sorry i really don’t remember anything else. this exam really isn’t that difficult (in my opinion), you’ll be ok.

ap physics c: 1. free body diagrams. understand how to draw them *and draw them*. they will carry you through mechanics. draw gravitational force, normal if there’s a surface, and then any other given forces.

2. basic equations. you get an equation sheet, but knowing the equations means you know the concepts and the relations between them. big ones are f=ma and the equations relating position (x), velocity (v), and acceleration (a). also friction f=uN.

3. *normal isn’t always the opposite direction of gravity!!!!* gravity is straight down. normal is perpendicular to the surface.

4. vector components. please don’t just add vectors. break them down into components and then add or you are so fucked.

5. get familiar with triangles. this will help with the whole component thing.

6. kirchoffs rules are so helpful. know them.

7. understand the relations between voltage/potential and current in terms of the properties of circuit elements. that means the equations for resistors, capacitors, and inductors.

8. know how to add in parallel and series. it’s important. also! if the circuit is drawn “weird” a good way to know series vs parallel is that parallel elements share two nodes and that series circuits only share 1.

9. sorry i kinda blocked out E+M bc i didn’t know what i was doing (or so i thought). i still got a 4 tho so that curve is generous.

ap us history: 1. chapter outlines. pretty self explanatory.

2. make a timeline. put important events, sentiments, policies, and presidents. if you can associate these things together into time periods it will be easier. most of the time, any one question (esp long response or whatever they’re called) will only focus on 1 time period.

3. sentiments are important. if you know nothing else, know these bc they will help guide you through questions by reasoning even if you know nothing else.

4. gilder lehrman (or similar us history summaries). these are tailor specifically to apush bc they are organized by period (i think that’s what they were called?). i actually fell asleep listening to these bc i didn’t have time to study. they were mildly helpful, but every little bit helps right?

ap psychology: 1. chapter outlines/flashcards. this course is based heavily on key terms and less so on larger concepts.

2. ok sorry i took this online i remember literally nothing except how annoying my teacher was and that the exam was easy. if you know terminology i think you should do fine.

ap biology: 1. there is a lot. go through all the topics and make sure you’re solid. start with the big picture, then think about narrowing down.

2. know how charts work. things like pedigrees, punnet squares, and evolution trees (that’s def not the right term). some of the exam will just be interpretation of this.

3. i am so sorry i remember nothing else.

ap spanish literature: 1. flashcards. title, author, time period, short summary, key elements (a line, character, symbol). this is *so helpful*

2. think about the works in relation to each other. you might be asked to compare them. even if they ask you to compare something on the reading list with something new, you’ll be familiar with the points you might talk about.

3. know the lit terms. more flashcards. associate them with a particular work if you can/need to.

4. don’t freak on the listening. a lot of the recordings are old and shitty quality. take a deep breath and try your best. know that the rest of the test takers (excepting maybe natives) are experiencing the same thing.

5. use that tool box. see general spanish and ap spanish lang.

this is so freaking long and i think the moral of the story is that i blocked out my senior year ap exams. i hope this was helpful and, if you have more questions, or want more stuff like this, let me know!

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