#supporting this as soon as I get a job fam

[apolsup]

Trabajando duro o durando en el trabajo?

[toms-cherry-trees]

Hi Mars, congratulations again on 1.5K, what a milestone :D Here with a gif blurb request for Polly, thought this gif could possibly be an interesting combo with angst. Excited to see what it'll inspire in you :)

This one was a challenge! So welcome to my first Polly writing ever! I did not know if you wanted it romantic or platonic or filial so I went for a motherxdaughter relationship. Hope this fills up the expectations!

And a most MASSIVE thank you to @runnning-outof-time aka lovely K for proofreading my first ever Polly writing!! ILYSM

Mars 1.5K Celebration

Smoke || Polly Gray x Adoptive Daughter! Reader

Warnings; Angst, some brief description of injuries, minor and major character death

The smacking of the bill stacks against the wooden table feels like a smack directly to your face; the two neatly piled wads before you hold more money than you’ve ever owned before and probably will ever own. But the money does not feel like tickets to freedom and peace; they feel like bricks tied to your ankles, dragging you to the bottom of an unknown darkness. 

Before you, sitting across the battered desk, Polly’s piercing eyes are fixed upon your wavering expression. She still dons mourning attire, even though it’s been long weeks since John and Michael went up in flames and smoke on an open field, each laid to the final rest in vardos and surrounded by every terrenal possession they ever held dear, plus a few lead bullets the coroners could not be bothered to remove. You had personally sewn each bullet wound up with needle and thread, wanting them to go onto the next life as whole persons and not just fleshy colanders. 

The minutes tick by loudly in the clock hanging behind her. While each second clocked in perfect sync, your heart hammers in erratic mess, blood rushing to your head and abandoning your legs, making your stand weak and shaky and threatening to send you to your knees. You have to grip onto the edge of the desk for support, your eyes closing as you focus on your breathing to stop the dizzying spinning of your head.

You exhale slowly to regain your composure enough to speak, but only one word leaves your lips “Why?”

“There is 2500 pounds in there. It is more than enough for you to buy a ticket far away from here, rent a place and get yourself a job” She speaks with the same certainty and professional tone she occupies during company meetings. As if you are nothing more than another employee in their payroll, and not a member of the family for the best part of your life.

“Polly, why?” You plead again, coming to sit across from her, staring straight into those stern eyes of hers through the smoke of her cigarette. With the white swirls around her, the Black Madonna around her neck and that black lace veil over her hair, she looks ready to start a seance. An aura of mysticism and ominousness that always drew you to her as a child, making you follow her wherever she went, hoping in your infantile mind to see her cast spells or speak to animals. 

“If you are ever in need of more, write to me at the office’s address and I will see that help comes to you, but you are not to set foot near any of us or into Birmingham. My driver will take you to your home to pack and then to London, but from then on you are on your own”

Oh, the Shelbys innate ability to ignore whatever others are speaking when it is not convenient for their agenda. But some of that ability had rubbed on you over the years; the key stood in being the loudest and angriest in the room.

“Polly!” You smack your fist against the table, rattling the glass ashtray and the neatly laid pens by the inkpot. Her eyes widen, but the bewilderment lasts only a fleeting second; she soon composes her carefully crafted cold facade again, the same one she has been wearing ever since the bullets rained like hellfire on her son and nephew. 

“Polly, why?” The hurt and desperation laced in your words do little to sway her unwavering indifference “Why are you pushing me away from my family” Your tremulous hands clasp hers tightly, your soul feeling like a boat facing the storm and clinging onto its last mooring for survival.

“We are not your family” Somehow, her retreating her hand from your loving grasp stings more than the words themselves, recoiling from your touch like she were retreating from a thankful beggar to whom she spared a few loose coins “What I did back then was charity, but it is time you find your own way. I cannot keep you under my wing forever”

Charity. Charity. Is that all she saw you as? A ward she took out of pity, and had now grown into a pesky burden?

The full story tangled and fogged in your mind, the fine details having been lost over time and life, but the bulk of it remained clear in your memory. Your parents succumbed to hunger and disease roughly around the same time Polly had her own children snatched away, taken away by the parish and the inherent cruelty they possessed for the poor and helpless. A mother who found herself with her arms empty, and a child who had no one to hold her; the turns of life brought you two together to fill in the gnawing gaps left within your hearts. Polly raised you under her guarding veil, surrounded by her candles and her saints and her prayers, and the quiet cries she often hid in her pillow whenever one of her kids’ birthdays passed. The smell of smoke and sandalwood evoked her memory in your brain. Her tender hands had braided your hair and wiped your tears in the same beat they had fired guns and threatened men and women alike.

The same hands that now pushed you away like a puppy abandoned on the side of the road. 

“I am not stupid Polly” It takes all your strength to not let your voice quiver “This is because of the Italians, isn’t it? Cause of what happened to John and Michael. You think they will come after me too” This has to be it, no? This has to be the reason. You cannot see it otherwise, why would your mother in all but blood reject you so abruptly? The logic feels so solid and obvious it soothes you in a way, and you cling onto that hope desperately. 

Her head falls back, a cruel, cold burst of laughter emerging from her lips “Don’t be stupid, they are after our family, not our employees” Another jab at your heart; Polly Gray is hellbent on picking at every soft spot you possess. And what could be a more sensible topic than your parentage? Taken in, raised as one of them, fed from the same table and dressed from the same clothes. But nothing changed your true status; an outsider. Never a true Shelby nor Gray; you were not her daughter, even if you had filled in during her absence for nearly twenty years

“Polly, you don’t have to do this” Your pleading words and your tearful eyes could barely show the true turmoil you feel inside “I don’t want to leave. I cannot leave you, not now! I can defend myself, you taught me how! Please don’t push me away” You never thought you’d feel pain like this; you had been too young back in the day to understand the grief of losing your parents, but now? You are thankful, for you are sure if you had felt such pain at that tender age, you would have died of a broken heart.

Polly remains silent as she methodically lights another cigarette, taking her time to inhale a long drag. The smoke swirls around her face and stings her eyes it seems; the corners have reddened and they seem watery. But she fans the smoke away with a harsh wave of her hand and picks up her purse “Enough of this. I have to go and so do you. My driver will take you where you need” She stood and slipped on her coat; a coat you had gifted her for her birthday, back when money remained tight. You had personally purchased the materials and tailored the piece yourself to fit her perfectly. 

As she makes an attempt to walk past you, you grab her sleeve, a vice grip around her wrist. But she keeps her back turned to you, one foot set forward and ready to exit the office. She tugs on your grasp, but you are not relenting. She is sand between your fingers and you are futilely clinging to the last grains

“Mother, please” Your voice is small, evoking the same tone you used as a small child, newly come under her care, still clinging onto the dream that someday your parents would return for you. The same vulnerability and innocence, and the maddening desire to not be abandoned again.

But your tears and your pleas do not move her heart. She yanks from your hold with such ferocity the seams of the sleeve snag

“If I see you back into the city, I will chase you out myself”

And those are the last words Polly Gray has for the daughter she no longer has

~

The whistling of the train urges the travellers to climb, steam filling in the platform as the train employees parade down the long row of carriages, slamming doors closed and helping late comers to haul their bags up. You sit alone in a compartment, your suitcases packed in the overhead shelves and a small pile of notes resting at your side. You have left home in such a hurry you did not have time to warn your landlady, nor your friends nor the woman for whom you babysit every Wednesday. You write letters for them offering sincere apologies and vague explanations, citing urgent work matters, blaming your health, and even adding the appearance of a long lost family member to excuse such a hasty departure. You do not include your new address, for you don’t have one yet; all that awaits for you at the end of the journey is uncertainty.

The whistle blows one last time, another plume of steam shrouding the platform. Amongst the mist you think you see her; black coat and black veil, and shoes brought from Paris, with the delicate heel and the golden crossbar over the foot. You stand so abruptly the letters spill on the floor, the pen shattering and spilling ink all over your hard work. Your hands and cheeks are pressed to the cold glass, but the crystal is fogged and you can barely make out any form outside in the cold winter afternoon. You see the black shadow moving away, and you smash your gloved fists against the glass, chanting her name like a prayer. But it is too late; the engine starts and the station is left behind, alongside your last hope of reconciliation and your home.

~

You are not sure you saw her, but she saw you. She saw you bent over something in your lap, brows furrowed in concentration and shoulders slouched. It takes a lot of effort to restrain her from calling you out and remind you to keep the shoulders tight, like she did so many times as you grew up from awkward childhood into comely adolescence. Polly wonders if you had time to pack food for the journey, and makes note to comb your flat later to make sure you have not forgotten anything; you are always so lackadaisical, one ought to give thanks your head is glue to your body. In the train travels a trusted aide of hers; he will tail you, wherever you go, to ensure you find a safe home and proper job. Every step you take he will report to her, and every person who crosses your path he will check to keep any wandering enemies away. That much she can do to keep you safe. That, and keep you as far away from herself as she can; the Shelbys are cursed, all of them, and they bring nothing but pain and death to those they love the most.

As the train at last begins to move, she rolls down her veil and walks away from your window. Amidst the steam and under the black gauze and lace, it is easier to hide the tears.

[lazuliblur]

@zefirgreen I got you fam.

Here's a quick rundown of the latest developments with Kasa and Kanon in Rerise of Poseidon.

Spoilers ahead!!!

Chapter 5:

Kanon encounters Saga and gets a taste of sweet sweet validation from his brother...

Saga: "I'm proud of you..."

But Kanon soon puts the puzzle pieces together and figures out that Saga wouldn't act that way! It was actually Kasa on a mission to test Kanon's loyalties and to see if the former saint was still intent on conquering the world (as he had tried to do before, taking advantage of Poseidon).

Kanon also throws in a few tips for Kasa on how to do a better job impersonating Saga next time, which is cute!

Kasa: "Oh—Oh, I see!..." Kanon: "Now it's my turn to ask questions. What's up with this charade?"

What's up, you ask? Enter Isaak.

Isaak, who took a page out of Scorpio Milo's book and sets out to kick the shit out of Kanon as punishment for his past sins – until, in full shounen glory, just as he's about to strike the final blow, Isaak stops his fist inches from Kanon's face.

Kanon gets a temporary pass because he submitted to the punishment without complaint. Meanwhile, Isaak goes off to find other people to beat up.

But Kasa sticks around Kanon – not to keep tabs on him, but because he knows Kanon is strong and it'll simply be safer to stay near him in case they come across an enemy. And Kanon is cool with that.

This strategy pays off, as they soon run into a freaking beast at Nemesis's service – Dracodente Cadmus.

And look at this cute teamup! They laugh in the face of those silly must-face-our-enemies-in-single-combat saints!

"Sorry, but there's two of us!!"

Chapter 6:

Have I mentioned that Cadmus is a FREAKING BEAST? Well, he is. Because this is what happens next:

Cadmus: "Dragon Skull Smasher!!"

It's okay though. Our beloved mariners survive because they're a pair of hardheads.

In their second attempt, Kanon manages to hold Cadmus in place with his Golden Triangle, giving Kasa an opportunity to look into the enemy's heart and find his weakness.

...Cadmus is still a freaking beast though. Kasa is unable to see anything and both he and Kanon get their butts kicked. Again. Cadmus leaves the two mariners in the rubble and goes off to find other people to beat up too.

And this, my friend... this is where the magic happens.

Kanon: "Hey... you alive?" Kasa: "S—somehow..." Kasa: "Sorry, man... I messed up..." Kasa: "Hey... Kanon..." Kasa: "Your... are your parents still around?"

Kanon: "Where did that come from?..." Kanon: "Unfortunately, I'm all alone in this world. It was always just me and my twin brother." Kasa: "I see... for me, it was my dad..." Kasa: "A drunkard and a gambling addict who drove my mother to an early grave..."

Kasa goes on to explain how he fell into a life of delinquency when he was a kid. He would do anything short of killing to get by, but no matter how successful he became, there was nothing that could fill the hole in his heart that not having his parents' love and support as a child left him with.

He also remembers the day he became a mariner and how he thought that it was fate that god also hated humans, just as he did. Kasa was happy to let the whole crappy world drown.

Kasa: "Quite the pitiful story, huh?..." Kanon: "Heh... I was pretty much like you too..."

The chapter ends with Kasa finding the strength within him to awaken his arch-scales, while Kanon cheers ok he doesn't quite cheer, he just stares in surprise but let me believe the bros are there for each other, okay???

And that's it! Hope you get a chance to read it in full soon. It was short but sweet. :)

[craycray-wolf]

So.

Here's notes I have on MCSM New Order's (as of S1 anyway pretty much everyone in S2 is part of it lol) families. And when I say "notes" I mean it lol, like this is just what I randomly typed out in between classes back in November (with a couple recent additions). Grammar and spelling isn't 100% and nothing is serious. You're welcome.

Why am I posting this? For FUNNSIES. Also to hopefully share my obsession with block people worldbuilding and stories of my future MCSM fanfic with others! To encourage discussion and questions, because I like that. It's fun and I often find it helps me out greatly with writing! I hope anyone reading this enjoys! 😁

______

Olivia has a single dad (mom MIA) who moved in with his sister and nows helps at her farm. While maybe both dad and aunt are super busy and thus don't have the most time with her, they greatly love their Olivia and Olivia them. Her aunt thought for a while that her want to pursue Redstone was silly ("you have everything you need right here, and all that gallbittyglok is ridiculous!") but soon came to support her dream when seeing how passionate she was. Dad supported her Redstone interest from the start, proud that she was so smart and could understand things far beyond him. They also care for Jesse and Axel, happy Olivia has friends. She was super shy timid bahbee so extra impactful

Axel is adopted, with parents (haven't come up w occupations for them) and a couple siblings (one is older, other is younger) who care for him but don't see eye to eye at all. Axe very much black sheep. They were always disappointed with his trouble making and disagreed with his idolization of Magnus/want to pursue the griefer lifestyle. The fam greatly appreciated Jesse and Olivia as they could see the positive influence they had on Axel (also worried at Axel's lack of friends and chasing away of everyone else). Axel even became cuddlier with the family after Jess and Liv helped him open up and learn how to better express his feelings. While they still don't quite understand the griefer-ness they see he is doing so respectfully and are proud of his heroics.

Petra was a spawned baby (humans are kinda like pink sheep and have a rare chance to spawn every so often, babies having an ability to so but EXTRAORDINARY rarely. They are usually around 6 mos. old in comparison to newborns), and her cries attracted a pack of wolves who adopted her and loved her as if she were a wolf herself. Petra thought she WAS a wolf for a long time, even learning wolf body language and behaviors. Her speech sounds were mimics of nature sounds for the first few years of her life, only learning human speech/stuffs when someone came and tamed a couple of wolves from her pack. The humans in the nearby town insisted she start going to school and learning the ways of people (not that they helped her at all). Dealing with people made her even more survival oriented and hesitant to spend too much time with people. She always considered it beyond her to have and trust human friends until she met Lukas in middle school. She was struggling and Lukas offered to tutor her, Petra insisting that she pay him back with one of her famous trades, beginning their relationship. Lived with Villagers in their... villages, a couple times in the past, maybe why she's into the trade biz?

Jesse's parents care very deeply for him and have always done their best to support him. Always called him their "young warrior" upon learning about Jesse's love of the OG Order, particularly Gabriel. They're the ones who gifted him his armor stand seen in S1 Ep1. His mother is a miner and his father a gardener (that one day took a job helping with Olivia's aunt's gardens, which is how Olivia and Jesse met). They're simple but happy people. Mom is a bit more serious than the dad but still willing to have fun. Dad is a bit of a doofus, mom loves him anyway. Jesse gets his tenacity from Mom and goofball-ness from Dad. They also greatly care for Olivia and Axel, coming to see them as an unofficial son and daughter. I have a lot more about these two but that's the gist. Need to develop other guardians lol

Lukas' parents are complicated. They're snooty rich-ish creeps who have a terrible relationship (on-off? Similar to divorced? Idk there's drama), and had Lukas more as an accessory. Due to weirdness his sweet little (paternal?) Grandma became his primary caretaker from a young age and helped him become the wonderful Lukas we know today. Nurtured his love for writing?

________

P.S.

I'm figuring out the appearances of the other families but for now Jesse's mom has the same colored hair and eyes as him, which are brown and green respectively as I like to play with Red Suspenders!Jesse. His dad has tan hair and blue eyes, and the way the hair grows out from the head is similar in both parents so all 3 family members share this trait. The mom, while only an average height, is taller than her husband and Jesse is smack dab between them. I think it's cute and also unusual in a cool way to not only have a woman be taller than her male partner, but also her son. Plus the dad is just short AF considering how short Jesse is lmao

I think it's a very similar situation with Red Hairclip!Jesse (who I also like to play as), except her mom instead has features like hers as opposed to the brown hair and green eyes in the previous passage. The dad doesn't change lol

THX FOR READING 📚 You're real

[delightfms]

[ … ] ❀ you’re not from around here , are you? i figured because you totally just missed { daphne lockhart } walking by. don’t tell me you don’t know who { she} is/are ? they kind of look like { jessica alexander } and i could be wrong but i think that they might be { twenty nine } years old right now. they’ve been living in palmview for the last { ten years }. and i don’t know if anyone has ever told them this before but they kind of remind me of { sophie sheridan  } from { mamma mia }. if you stick around the town long enough you might catch them in action working at { seaglass bed and breakfast } as the { owner }. you see this town isn’t really that big of a place, some folks like to call them the { magnet} of palmview! they took a liking to the name too after a while, go figure. oh crap, they must have heard me yapping. they’re coming this way. i got to warn you though, rumor has it they can pretty { flighty } at times. i wouldn’t take it too seriously though, from the times i’ve spoken to them they seemed pretty { gentle} to me. we see each other all the time since they live in that { two bedroom } apartment beside me over in { sunny shores }. i better leave you to it. it was nice meeting you!  { jules. 27. she/her. central. } - alyssa lockhart sibling connection

pinterest

quick stats

name: daphne lockhart nickname(s): daph, di, blue (by her fam) gender: cis-female pronouns: she/her age: twenty nine dob: february 24 pob: california orientation: bisexual

background: (tw for death mention)

daphne grew up the oldest of the lockhart siblings. growing up was typically easy. the siblings all got along rather well minus the small fights they'd get in over the dumbest things.

while growing up, seemingly out of nowhere, their father up and left behind his wife and the kids. daphne tried to remain optimistic, hoping maybe he would come back but it became apparent after a while that wasn't going to happen. soon-after, she gained word that her father got remarried and brought her now step sibling into the mix. daph and her siblings did not react well to this in the beginning. she still catches herself with a bad inward attitude towards her "new family" but she would never let them know that.

as the girl got older, she and her mother became super close. she considered her mom one of her best friends and they really did end up taking on the world together along with her siblings.

daph later decided that she was determined to move and make her dream a reality. she ended up moving to palmview when she was 19. getting a job at the local bnb and really befriending the old couple who owned it. later on, they ended up passing the bnb on to daphne. they saw the potential in daph and believed she could take the home to new heights and really treat it how it was meant to be treated.

currently, daph runs the bnb and its her baby. she hosts lots of parties and events in the home and is a huge staple with tourism here in palmview.

connection ideas

friends: i'd love your typical friends, best friends, ride or die friends, etc..

relationships: fwb, exes (ending on good or bad terms), failed tinder dates, etc..

family friends: either their families knew/know each other, they grew up together, childhood friends, literally anything to do with growing up or her fam.

work related: bnb workers, partners for different vendor opportunities (ie: pastries, restaurant pop ups, etc) she's very into the whole shop local/support local !

im open to almost anything !!

[sweetswesf]

Update

Hey Fam,

Still grinding and hoping to bring y'all good news soon. My friend/ex-colleague/neighbor who I've been on this unemployment journey with and checking in w/finally got a job. Shout out to her. I knew she would get one before me, and she got a GOOD one. Like...one I have been praying to be at. I was of course happy for her, but it did get me a little sad. I have been working really hard and I feel really far from my goal. I know I shouldn't compare, but I often feel like things take me a super long time. I'm already meeting with my old tech mentor once a week for an hour, doing practice interviews with others for another 2.5 hours a week, getting advice from engineers everywhere, attending 2-hour engineering sessions twice a week, in addition to coding/interview prepping about 6 - 10 hours a day by myself. I know I am operating on God's timing, but I just hope that I'm moving at a pace He wants me to. I am getting better at a lot of these concepts, but I feel like there is still so much I don't know. Every day it feels like I'm adding on to what I need to study. I just need to be patient and keep trying my best.

He reminds us not to be envious of others. I don't want what she wants, I want my own role, I just happen to want to be at the same company, in a similar role, and at this time. I know He has the perfect job for me.  I just am really tired and thought about how sweet her relief is right now. It's been almost 9 months since we were let go and it's been a grind all those 9 months. 9 months of no vacation planning. 9 months of spending much lower than I used to. 9 months of thinking about finances in a somewhat unhealthy way. I've learned a ton. I can cook for myself. I work out more. I'm more frugal. I pray more often. I no longer care about my appearance much or materials that I was DYING to have even months ago. Day in & day out though, it's me problem solving for hours, exhausted in the gym, always cooking & cleaning something with no car. I don't remember the last day I went without crying. Sometimes, I cry so much that I disassociate to the point where I don't even realize I'm crying. Then I snap back into my body and tears are just rolling down my cheeks. I'm grateful I have the ability & funds to do all of these things independently. A lot of people don't.

I've been through a lot. During this time I've even lost another grandparent and another family member's life support. I tried to make my grandfather's funeral and my flight and all the flights that would have gotten me there on time were canceled. My mom is about to move hours away from my hometown to live with her sister that I don't get along with. Makes me feel like I won't even be able to see her because of this and because she rarely ever visits me here. I've been given so much grace and care during this journey though. I need to appreciate what I have but I really want to know if I'm moving at the pace I should. I decided to push out the interviews of the companies I really want to be at so that I can make sure I'm really prepared for them, but will I get there in a reasonable amount of time? Reasonable as in, will I run out all of my savings? I cried. I felt bad for crying because I'm happy for her and I know my blessing is on the way. It was SUCH a mix of emotions. And I knew I wouldn't feel good if she got her role before me. And this is no diss to her. She deserves it. She's been working hard. But I have too. Sometimes when I'm doing the same thing as another person and they do better or go faster than me, which is often the case, especially when I am already giving it everything I have, I feel like there's something wrong with me. I shouldn't feel that. She's had a career slightly longer than mine, but not by much. We're battling different things and God is using us in different ways. I even started thinking, "Well damn, I know I'm living in a more Christian way than her," but that's not how God determines when and how to bless people.

I used it as fuel to work on some hard problems today, and I got a lot done. I even scoped out some more material I want to focus on that will hopefully set me apart in the future. I know timing is up to God and I have to sacrifice my timeline and trust that He's got me and has a great life planned for me. It just feels like I've been on a long streak of "bad news" in a sense? Like, fresh out of college, I didn't get the job I wanted due to racism and ended up interning in Jersey City. I was promised a full time role and they ended up rescinding it and sending me on contract to BUFFALO. Then I moved to the Bay Area and as soon as I got here, my grandmother passed, my parents got divorced, and I landed on the racist team that rejected me. I did get into tech, but I constantly faced racism and bullying there, had vision and roommate issues, and stayed stagnant in my role and salary for YEARS. I did get into a bootcamp and apprenticeship as I dreamed, but I never got the training that I needed and asked for. I didn't even know what I didn't know. I was WAYY below my level technically. Pandemic happened. I had such bad managers and teammates. I couldn't go home because my family was being unsafe, confrontational, and didn't make me feel welcomed. I moved to New York and had the WORST landlord and ended up getting sexually assaulted. I got covid on my 29th bday and celebrated it alone in a hospital bed. I was REALLY close to getting a promotion that was overdue by like 3 years and then I got let go. I've had so many heartbreaks from family, friends, and stupid boys in between and I'm just tired. A lot of good has happened and I have to appreciate that, but man...I'm VERY tired. I know I've grown tremendously and have gotten to do some amazing things and everything happens for a reason but...I'm just tired. That's it. I shouldn't get weary in well doing.

Sometimes the bad is more memorable and easier to harp on because it hits us harder. I know I'm not immune to bad days/bad times and God is putting me through it for my good, but I want to know if this is normal or if these things keep happening because I am causing these things by my actions or mindset. Sometimes I just feel like most people don't go through this. Sometimes, I wish I could just focus on working hard at my job, exercising, eating well, spending frugally, giving generously, investing in myself and the things & people I care about,, praising the Lord, etc. I don't bring drama to no one. I feel like I'm a great friend. I don't want to be at a company I don't want to be at, but will that be God's plan for me. God's plan has often not been my plan, but I have to learn to accept it with open arms and trust that it's for my good. It's just hurt. Will my next decade be full of tears and hard times like this past decade has been? Maybe I need to change my attitude around it all. I pray for that too. It feels like I am often paranoid that something bad will happen given how it feels like such bad news back to back, but I should be hopeful the future. I need to instead assume it's all good in the future and that when bad comes, I'm equipped to handle it. It's okay to admit fatigue, I've heard from pastors. Rejection is simply redirection and delay is God's protection. I just get caught up in thinking if the delay is because I'm not ready. To which, I constantly respond to with, "I'm trying my BEST!" Why does it seem like my best is so much lower than my peers/where I think it should be?

One thing about this "delay" is that I'm learning a lot of system design concepts that I think will make a HUGE difference in my interview score since my score won't be only based on coding and especially now since I'm being considered for Senior roles more and more often. Thank God. Another thing to be so proud of. This is all things I NEEDED to learn. And I need to stop trying to copy every little thing down. It's inefficient. There's just simply not enough time. I need to humble myself and recognize that. Hopefully through highlighting, quizzing and reviewing, I can get retain it.

I'm not going to give up and I hope you don't. I know I'll regret complaining about fatigue when I get an awesome role, and just the thought of even sounding just a little ungrateful doesn't feel great. i don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I just want a relief of some sort. Whatever journey you are on, or unanswered prayers you have, just keep believing in Him, know that you're not alone and that your breakthrough is coming soon...

[sugar-omi]

honestly all that was sooo what i needed to hear rn bc a girls been STRESSED so thank you <3 😭

i'm gonna major in biotechnology! i went to a votech and that was my trade there and i loved it so i wanna continue studying it. not totally sure what job i want yet so i don't know how much schooling i'll do but yeah! :D

BIOTECH??? THAT SOUNDS SO COOL N SO COMPLICATED please i literally had to google that shit bc idk what it entails but this is some big brain shit, n all i gotta say is good luck n i am cheering you ON!!🎉🫶🫶

although i think you got this in the bag already. anyone with the balls to do something so advanced. is a very smart n strong person. from what im reading on google this is some really cool shit, no matter what direction you go with it. n you have your work cut out for you, but i know you got this!!

so don't doubt yourself!! you got this!!! your brain is huge n you are powerful!!!!

n of course!!! i figured saying something like that would help with anyones anxiety, because really, its the pressure (even if they're not actually pressuring you) and the overwhelm of questions and expectations that make the future so stressfullll

*ramble utc because i... cannot help yapping i guess LOL and while i'd usually be embarrassed and delete my ramble n word vomit, but i figure someone else readding this may appreciate the relatability of what i have to say about my fams reaction to my plan after hs, and find some comfort in my word, if thats not to presumptuous

because i decided to take a gap year (it's been a year since i graduated, for reference), and everyone freaked out. my mom n uncles first reaction was "yeah well, you won't go if you do..." before they came around n agreed with my reasoning. and my dad was all "if i had it my way, you'd go full time--" (mind u, he likes to brag that he worked n went to school full time AND partied.... he did not finish college LMAO) and when i graduated, said to me a MONTH. AFTER MY GRADUATION. "if you're not going to college any time soon, go into the air force."

and when my extended family would ask my plans, and i only had a short "i'm just gonna take a break right now, figure some things out, work... and by then i'll have come to a decision." because i was tossing around the thought of art school, and then i thought abt getting an english degree to be either a teacher or go into writing/editing, journaling or whatever... but was also tossing around the thought of psychology and even real estate. my ideas for my future were absolutely jumbled, and i was torn between what would make money, what i loved, and what i was interested in that i thought could be a career.

it's tough. especially depending on your financial situation yknow, so your thought process always leads towards something profitable but also wanting to do something you enjoy, maybe even love, but not wanting to burn out and tarnish your beloved hobby/hobbies.

like while i did have people who supported me upfront, and never doubted my plan, it's the small things too yknow. because for months my dad's words haunted me, i felt like i wasn't doing enough. or when i met family, and they asked how it was going, or what i was doing now, i felt disappointed that my answer was always "i haven't been doing anything. just been sleeping, drawing, writing..." or eventually that and "practiced driving.. n that's about it."

or when i'd talk to close family members, and i admitted i was going through a hard time, my mental state finally falling on me now that i didn't have to be strong n power through school. i even got sick a couple times, because my body was finally feeling the stress. even now, i feel a mental lag, a fog. but i feel clearer, a bit.

but yknow, the looks and the "you said that last time" or "i think you're lying" is tough.

but at the end of the day, if not working for the summer, or not going to college for a semester, or 2, or 3, or a whole year. or if going part time, or whatever you're doing... and it benefits you, and it benefits your mental health. then do it, don't listen too much, don't feel too guilty.

because if you need it, just like i needed the time to rejuvenate, then don't listen to anyone else. don't force yourself to do anything. because if you have the ability to take a break now, do it. you're not doing this because you're lazy, or selfish, or unambitious. or anything like that. you're taking that break, you're taking this break right now, for future you.

because if you don't take it now, when will you take it? and when you do take a break... will it be at the cost of your health? will it be at the cost of something greater? when the break comes, will it come when you're being handed the gold medal you've been fighting for.. and then it slips out of your hand just like that.

anyway.. do whats best for you. what you need. don't worry about figuring things out too fast either, because in fact, i've been plotting this moment of my life for about 10 years, genuinely, and i still had to revise it. still had to come to a conclusion because even with all that plotting, it doesn't plan for the hard times. or the 'you' you are right now. you will be someone else next week. and you will be someone entirely different 2 months from now.

take your time. because if you jump into something, and are unsatisfied, or "waste" time doing something other than what you "should be doing", the time still passes.

if you "waste time" anyway, waste it on yourself. not others expectations. or wishes. or their dreams.

and once enough time passes as well, no matter what you do by then. the questions do stop coming. the weight of the future, once you get there, is suddenly not so... big. intimidating.

you do not need a grandiose plan. if you are content with the future in your mind, that is enough. because at the end of your life, who will sit in that chair and ponder the life you lived, and weight it's satisfaction, if not you?

[folklauerate]

How do Anthony’s siblings react to Kate in the professors AU? I know you said Edwina was on board, so now I wanna know the others.

They’re really quite supportive :) Ben and Henry meet Kate pretty soon after she and Anthony start dating and they had to hear a drunk Anthony be all sad and mopey and torn up about him and Kate and his feelings for her, so honestly I think they get how big this is and are there for the two of them and Anthony’s happiness above all else! I also do think the ~situation~ was communicated to Daphne and Colin; there’s a real ABCD alliance, I think, and for something big to be happening in Anthony’s life like this, I think his siblings are going to rally around him, but I think those three are the ones who hear about it first and meet Kate first! In this AU, BenHen and Saphne (who have kids!) live the closest to Anthony, so they meet Kate before the semester is over, and just make a real effort to make her feel included and not out of place or anything.

Over the summer, Anthony takes Kate up to Aubrey Hall, where the whole fam is for about a week (more if people can get off of work/in between internships and summer jobs etc, but at least one solid week of the whole family and S/O’s), and she gets to meet the whole fam there :) I do think there’s a little weirdness with Eloise and Hyacinth, especially seeing they’re way closer in age with Kate in this AU, but they move past it pretty quickly—let’s not forget that Saphne had a decent age gap too and also Daphne got married quite young, as did Violet in this AU, so it’s like idk! Modern sensibilities vs what they’re used to within the family and also everyone just really pleased to eventually see Anthony with someone he loves so very much and seemingly settled and not as on edge as he usually is :) that’s something I hint at in the recent oneshot; he’s a particular man and very meticulous and pedantic and likes his routine and to do things a certain way, because it was how he found control after his broken engagement and this big reckoning he had afterward about how he rug shoved all these big feelings about his father’s death and grief and stuff. The result was just trying to work through things in a healthy way, yes, but a part of him is terrified to do anything outside of his comfort zone that might upset his routine because he’s worked tirelessly to try and find a modicum of peace and manage his own emotions, and he’s worried about anything upsetting that. Kate very much does breeze into his life and pushes him to actually live, not just survive, and to feel all the good and hard parts of living.

Thanks for the ask!

[warm-starlight]

Hello, Eve. I’ve been following you around for a long time I feel you’re like a big sis lol. This year, if everything goes well, I’m finishing my degree. I thought that I would be happy about it, but I feel really anxious. The cost of life is really increasing and it really scares me being a provider and take care of a home. I also feel like I just need to take a job, but another part of me wants to Study another career haha. Being an adult feels so confusing, it really scares me getting bored at my job and have a rutinary life.

Hello!

Don't worry. Life doesn't end after you get out of school/university. Actually i have finished vet school but after a few years i have felt the profession just isn't for me. Then i got a job at a pet shop. The environment became increasingly tpxic there, so 4 years later i quit and took up hair styling. I have finished hair styling school in april this year and now i work part time in a different pet shop (also selling medicine) and part time as a barber. Hopefully i can go full time soon and quit the pet shop.

If you feel like studying for a different career go for it if you have the means to. In between studies find a part time job to support yourself. Maybe find some people to live with if you can't live with your fam?

I found it is better to struggle a bit for a career you want than staying in your comfort zone and working a job that's slowly crushing you.

Anyway, i believe everything will work out for you! Hang in there!

[arthoure]

I guess with twitter falling apart, the logical step is to move back to tumblr, but I struggle with what to even post! 

Twitter is kind of the LinkedIn of game dev, for casual networking and commiserating about the seven hells of the industry, so it made sense for me to be there to make my little jokes and yell about unions. It’s also more mobile-friendly, so I could post cat pics and be on my way without a fuss. And I always used Tumblr more for fandom meta stuff, which isn’t something I really do anymore because being a narrative designer kind of changes how you engage with fandom and meta -- it starts to feel like your day job instead of your fun hobby, at least in some senses, or it uses the same type of brain energy and at the end of work you’re depleted. And it’s weird to be able to see the seams of games, and have a sense of where their budgeting and schedules and tech restraints were, in a way that completely changes your idea of what “good” is or what something “accomplished” and doesn’t always line up with the ideas of other players. It’s not a good or a bad thing, just different. I read books differently now than I used to, too. (Part of this is also about growing older and developing new neural pathways. Weird shit.) It’s interesting to think about how fandom got me into game dev (literally; the first writing sample that got me hired was fe13 fanfic with the names changed -- but also very directly through the support of the friends who read my writing for years ((often making it better with our discussions)) and encouraged me to apply and etc.) and yet game dev is kind of what keeps me from being in fandom (at least deeply). 

So I kind of had two different networks -- the twitter one of friends plus game dev peers, and the tumblr one of friends plus fandom peers, the latter of whom followed me basically for meta/fanfic/the stuff I reblogged. But friends also keep in touch on discord or other messengers, so I often wonder, what do I even post for, and why? All I really want to post about is my life, but that’s not even really a safe thing to do, and also, why do I want to, besides being a little human who likes to leave her little proofs that she was here? Like, would it be interesting to anyone here to know that I work in AAA now and the fam and I are moving to Germany soon? That’s cool news for me, but I can’t say much of anything about my work (and even the things I am allowed to say are dangerous, lmao. Telling the internet who you work for and on what game title always makes you a target. Target is doubled for every underrepresented identity that you have. But that was a LITTLE different for me in my curated twitter bubble because again, it’s more like LinkedIn on the gamedev side, and I have a small audience so my info doesn’t leave my bubble; my bubble is also small on Tumblr but feels more unfamiliar after I’ve been inactive for so long.). AAA can carry a lot more weight in the industry but it really shouldn’t (what some other VOW writers said is true: God works hard, AAA devs work harder, but mobile romance devs work hardest of all) and tbh I don’t give a shit about commercial game size--I chose this company’s offer because its team was really special (severely anti-crunch, pro-labor rights, inclusive, brilliantly skilled in storytelling and technical design and other things I want to learn from them, kind and warm). But some of you might be happy to know that I’ll finally get real health insurance and sick days and vacation time and I can’t just be randomly laid off at any time (something European game devs enjoy that US devs often do not), and it’s a huge weight off my shoulders, because you might remember how I had to struggle with that for several years. Always so much to say but so much fear around saying it. Rare to find the points where you can view your life as Back Then and Right Now in such concrete terms. Is that worth documenting?

TL;DR I want to use social media for personal things and chatting with friends but The Internet at large makes it difficult to do that. I am of course far from the only one who feels this way. That’s just the update on me while I ponder what else to contribute to this blog! I do owe you some cat pics at least.

[imayanderesimp]

I posted 36 times in 2022

26 posts created (72%)

10 posts reblogged (28%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@endlessmyth

@blorb0

@sketchnwhatevr

@peantbutter-honeycombs

@wizardpotions

I tagged 18 of my posts in 2022

Only 50% of my posts had no tags

#yandere mha - 10 posts

#platonic yandere - 9 posts

#yandere endeavor - 7 posts

#yandere todoroki clan - 7 posts

#yandere dabi - 6 posts

#yandere rei - 6 posts

#yandere natsou - 6 posts

#yandere todoroki - 6 posts

#yandere fuyumi - 6 posts

#yandere shigaraki - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 115 characters

#you dont say slurs you dont make death threats/kys comments and you dont misgender should be the main three and yet

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

How to the platonic yanderes feel abt reader getting into 1-A? Do you think that they would be okay with reader perusing hero life?

thx for the ask anon

Platonic todoroki fam has a really negative reaction because they don’t want you to get hurt they do everything and anything in their power to male you have the worst time so you will drop out and when u say anything i mean anything

platonic erasermic are happy for you but also worried about you i mean with all the crap that 1-A already gone through they have a right to. So they’ll let you pursue your dreams but you can be enrolled in the support course instead.

Platonic league of villains is pissed of to the max i mean who said you could betray them like that! There’s no way you’re getting to be a hero because you’re gonna be locked in a basement for a few months for a stunt like this.

platonic bakugo fam is actually ok with this. I mean you always a deadkugo to protect to you so you’ll be fine.

platonic midorya fam is definitely not ok with this. I mean izuku’s mom might as well have a heart attack because after all izuku went through shes not going through it again so you can stay home or find a new job with her instead.

221 notes - Posted September 6, 2022

#4

Tw:dubcon Tw:past noncon tw:past abuse tw:enji being a asshole tw:somnophilia

reader is implied to be female

felt like i should clarify this bc it just hit me puppygirl!reader isn’t an actual dog or a beastars type situation she’s like a human but with puppy dog ears and a tail.

MINORS BEWARE

pls pls put your age in your bio so i can tell your not i minor because i will block you if i can’t find any proof your an adult

Just imagine endeavor with a small little puppy girl like he’s this big 6ft figure and then you’ve got a little 4ft puppy girl next to him. The public would be all over it trying to get pictures of puppy girl reader and endeavor together. Of course enji and puppy!girls relationship wasn’t always this way…

Pre redemption enji : he treated puppygirl!reader so badly. He’d yell at her and pull on her little dog ears sentence her to her cage. Honestly if enji was really being serious he just wanted to use you from breeding purposes. Sometimes puppy reader couldn’t keep up with enji half the time she would end up passing out during their sessions. But he keep going he wanted you to have a baby so bad, but it never worked. And endeavor could never figure out why, but all your puppy brain remember is getting a pill everyday from the white haired woman.

Soon enough enji forgot about you and only focused on train shoot and becoming number 1 dropping you in a little room that was kinda like a dog house. He forgot to feed you so his children and Rei would do it a lot soon enough it seemed only fuyumi and natsou would feed you and that was a rare chance.

Post redemption enji -

I’m the family dinner scene between endeavor and natsou he reminds him that he left you in a room alone for years now. And endeavor just sits they’re like “huh”because he forgot about you so natsou sitting there wants to slap his father in the face but just take ps a piece of paper and writes directions and says follow it.

Enji find the room and sees you. You look so tired like you haven’t seen the light of life in days. Enji tilts up your head and sees you look super sleepy but all you do in turn over and sleep. So he grabs you and takes you to his room you’ve been in that room for to long. In the morning enji finds it so cute when your pawing at his window at the sunlight your little tail wagging at the sight.

Enji had never seen you this happy before you just felt empty looked empty. So he decided to get a cute little dog bed for you in his office and leave you some nice food to make up for his past actions. He playing catch with you the other day of course you were catching the ball with your mouth. Wouldn’t you know in a few months you were the happiest dog alive in the household.

Now a certain time came along the enji wasn’t expecting. Fuyumi has told him you weren’t feeling well so enji went to check on you, only find that your humping the floor and all the pillows look soaked. Poor little puppy girl, just was so horny without him. You started pawing on his leg you craved him right now you needed him right now.

So now enji is here fucking your tight little cunt. You’ve gone for 3 organisms now and every time his cock gets deeper and deeper in your hole. You were drunk off his cock right now and if enji stops for a tiny break then you’ll do the job yourself.

So you continued for idk the rest of the night until you finally passed out

See the full post

237 notes - Posted April 17, 2022

#3

- Random things the platonic yandere erasermic fam has put up with -

(They adopted when you were a baby after your mother (who was Aizawa's coworker) “accidentally” died in a car crash)

Baby reader: multiple mustache and hair tugs on Aizawa's,hizashi’s, and (rarely) eri’s hair. You like to pull when you aren't just sleeping and eating this is why shinsou has his hair up all the time.

Baby reader: all you do is sleep and eat and occasionally scream into a very loud karaoke machine, you a very lazy baby who sees their in a playpen just looks at the gate pushes it open as then rolls out then falls asleep while escaping.

Baby reader: remember that karaoke machine? Yeah well you found it while escaping and somehow mustered up the energy and idc that you went down and found a karaoke machine. After two minutes of your parents and sibling crying over the fact that they lost you. then they hear a very loud and aggressive BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH come from the basement. Of course, they send Aizawa and he finds you screaming in the karaoke machine at the cat.

Baby reader: of course as a baby you go into a lot of accidents now when Aizawa told Hizashi not to worry about you when you come home with them they didn't expect you to be that troublesome. But for such a lazy baby you had no sense in what to do so you grabbed things pulled off the outlet covers pulled out the baby door looks opened all the cabinets and stuff you were too smart for them. Soon Aizawa let mic over baby proof the house and you were safe.

Baby reader: even though you are a danger your family loves and adores you and would never let you go. (that's why they have the baby leash)

238 notes - Posted February 10, 2022

#2

Let’s be honest did you really think I was done with the baby thing?

Todoroki Family

They love you but your just to dang rowdy sometimes

Listen you are the exact opposite of the baby mic and Aizawa your a little shit filled with rage. They cannot control you at all restrain you do anything you will run your way out of it.

The amount of times dabi has found holes in his shirts because they smell like him and he smells like bacon so you wanted to eat the shirt.

And of course you being the little fire hazard you are you would beg enji to light things on fire even going at it to purposely anger him just to see flames.

And of course the cons of being a very young arsonist is that you have a family with ice users in it to put out the fire. But that doesn’t mean you don’t beg shoto to make snow in the house just for you to throw snowballs at Dabi or try to make a snowman as big as enji.

But your least favorite part is when Rei comes around. Because that means your gonna have to get in actual clothes instead of running around in a diaper and one of dabi’s burnt hand me downs he gifted you for your birthday.m

But it’s all worth it at the end of the day to watch you sleeping so peacefully with your thumb in your mouth

Because it reminds them you’ll be theirs forever no matter what

Don’t mind me just clearing out my drafts

254 notes - Posted April 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

A reader who is terrifying and pops put of nowhere

Yandere todoroki fam-

You scare the shit out of dabi half the time just popping out of nowhere

One time you popped out of nowhere and scared dabi and he accidentally punched you in the face

Yeah your family has to get you bell after that but you still scared dabi

They probably think they’ve forgotten you at one on family trips and they turn around and see nothing turn back to the road to drive back and then look back again to see you in the backseat

“We left y/n at home!”

“Ah great 1hr into this drive and we forgot y/n”

“Turn around again to make sure their back there”

“I promise you their not back there”

“Hi mom hi dad”

Platonic yandere erasermic fam

This house is not safe for you

The amount of times you scare mic making him yell out loud and then him causing a hole in the roof is soon not gonna be enough with their teacher salary

So aizawa suggests putting a bell on you so every time you pop from nowhere you hear a little ring

Jokes on him because him and mic watched a scary movie ( they wouldn’t let you watch because they think your too innocent) and mic got scared again whenever he heard the bell

So aizawa just put tape over mics mouth

It worked because it was flex tape

But it almost ripped off mics mustache

426 notes - Posted January 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ferretly]

Hello I hope you and your family are well 🇵🇸

Please don't ignore my message

It may be the last thing I write🚨

We are not well 💔

Our only option is to evacuate outside the Gaza Strip and this requires a large sum of money❗Please help us🙏🕊️

I am ahmad, 34years old, from Gaza, and I have 3 children. My life was beautiful, I had a home and a job 💚

But after the war in Gaza, I lost everything beautiful 💔

It is difficult to start from scratch, and I lost everything, and my children were deprived of education, health, play, and everything

I would be very grateful if you donated to me and shared the link with your friends to raise the necessary resources to enable us to get out of Gaza and live with my husband and children in love, peace and security that we lost in the Gaza Strip🚨🇵🇸🚨

https://gofund.me/2284158c

Hello Ahmad,

I can't donate right now, but I'll share your gofundme and campaign link. I hope you reach your goal soon

vetted by 90-ghost

August 19: €555 raised of €50,000 !

please donate & share if you can!

[lcngliive]

Was that [TOM GLYNN-CARNEY]? Oh no no, that was just [ROBBIE BISHOP], a [ORIGINAL CHARACTER] from [THE VAMPIRE DIARIES]. They are [TWENTY FOUR] years old, use [HE/HIM], and [ARE] aware that they are not actually from Washington DC. Too bad they can’t stray from this city for long.

how long has your character been here

robbie has only been here for about two days.

what is your character's job

nothing currently, but he'll most likely open up another shop like the one he had back home.

where has your character been pulled from in their fandom

from after his death - tho he has no idea he's actually dead.

has any magic affected your character

nope!

and any other information you might find useful for us and the other members to know!!

OKAY hello, sit down bcs this is gonna be a wild ride hehe !

his full name is robert, but he goes exclusively by robbie - Robert is only for the parents when he's done something wrong lol, which was most of his childhood and teenage years

third oldest of the siblings

back home he ran a bakery with his wife, they're both witches and they sold the typical shit you'd find in a tourist shop - the whole love potion thing etc, etc - do they work? who knows (most of them do)

was a very curious and rambunctious child growing up, never without scraped knees or holes in his clothes from climbing trees or doing other things that he shouldn't

def a rebel of a teenager - protesting about civil rights and using magic to make things happen in favour of the different causes he was supporting

has def been arrested more than once (more like 10 times but shhh we're not counting hehe)

robbie loves his family with a deep ferocity, he'd quite literally do anything for them - has probs started fights on behalf of them before tbh

met his soon to be wife one day while he was out causing trouble and the two became friends and eventually started dating -

they had the baby first and then decided to get married lmaooo, always does things backwards -

meeting his wife def calmed down the wild streak in him, made him more balanced and so did becoming a father, they have a house away from the bishop home, a dog named tater and plans for another baby (but we know how that went lmaoooo)

the connection for his wife will be something that I'll be writing up very shortly and sending it to the main, so if ur interested in bein his wife pls hmu and i can give you the vibes :)))

we all know the details abt the bishops - they're another gemini coven, marley and mason were supposed to merge nd shit and mason went blabbing to the wrong people - aka vampires who wanted to fuck up the family

and fuck them up they did :((( the bishops all went for what they thought was a normal family night, but nope, the vampires killed them all

robbie's wife and child were supposed to be there with him that night, but the kiddo had a fever and was fussy so they stayed home while robbie went to see his fam

so - I'm playing him rn as him just remembering going home - no remembering death or anything like that - so which family member is gonna break the good news?? hehe

here in dc

robbie is going to be very confused and think that one of his family members has done a spell and it's backfired

will 100% not be able to cope with the fact that he's supposed to be dead - esp given the fact his family was supposed to join them, so they would have been dead too

is gonna need someone to show him around and tell him abt technology and shit ???? so pls give this man some friends hehe

wanted connections

his wife - gonna make this an official wc, BUT if anyone is interested and wants to hmu before i send it in, yall can dm me on discord or even on tumblr!!

friends - all of his friends were back home, so it would be good for him to have some new friends - witchy friends, just normal friends, other supernatural friends?????

people who work for him - robbie is gonna be opening up his shop again here, so if you wanna work in a quirky lil bakery, have at it !! he'd love to have some other witches and just anyone working tbh!

[martintmedina]

2022 A Year in Review

Another lap around the sun and a great year officially in the books.

Every year I try and summarize my thoughts on the last year and it seems like every year I get more shit done as I evolve and grow as a person. It’s crazy to see the progression from getting to college til now in my career, I’ve been steadily putting this work in for years and don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.

Before breaking down the year need to say a major THANK YOU! I appreciate all the support over the years and every single person in my life is a blessing. This year was a really big comeback year for me, the pandemic in 2020 and that post pandemic 2021 was really weird, I feel like the isolation got to everyone and then getting back to normal was a strange transition but this year we’re all the way back.

Started the year off solid and kept it going all year working hard and running up the bag. Really glad this year was a solid year of uninterupted work and I worked harder than ever to make more money than ever. Really needed it after I lost my job and learned so many lessons from going back to being broke but as an adult. We’re all the way back and stronger after that time though. It made me a beast and really proved I can step up and work my ass off. I worked nonstop through SOBEWFF, MMW, etc all going hard week after week with no vacations I really was locked in and focused on that bag. Focused on leveling up and getting better as I keep continuously improving and growing as a person and a professional. Personally and professionally this year was great and an amazing opportunity to grow.

Even while spending time working I was able to enjoy my time at work seeing homies working, enjoying some good music, and creating some images to capture incredible moments.

Work was great did some good work for SOBEWFF, then Music Week was fantastic and the first year of F1 MIA was also a huge success. Really pushed myself to be the most professional I can be and always deliver above and beyond for clients.

Rolling Loud once again was amazing to work with the whole team over at The Flowery again. We cooked up some great content and I’m excited to work on some new stuff for the new year. We did some cool little projects throughout the year and I’m really blessed to continue to learn and grow as a creative and a professional and grateful for everyone who helps me push myself as a professional to get better every day.

Shortly after I finally got my own spot. Those that have known me for a while know I’ve been working to get my own crib to be closer to work for a long time. It’s still a work in progress but I’m really liking how everything is coming out so far. Huge shoutout to my brother Andrew for hooking it up with the jersey and Allison for the art. Still got some more decorating to do but those pieces are at the centerpiece of the office. I’m very happy with how everything is looking, even though I’ve got a few upgrades to make but it’s getting more homey by the day. It’s definitely been an adjustment moving there but by now I’m really settled into the new space and it’s really coming together nicely. It’s a new crib in a new neighborhood but really getting used to living here and enjoying the space. Close to fam and close to work it’s really a blessing to have my own space. Been saying it’s essentially my live in office which is totally true it’s like basically my office with a kitchen and my bedroom which is just for sleeping. I’m excited for my office to grow up to take more space in the apartment too I’ve still got a bunch more equipment to get and want to get some storage for gear and some more stuff to make my work better and easier.

Back on the work front, Basel was a smash. Wasn’t super wild but was very smooth and still ran it up and tons of the pics went viral. Really locked in on the grind and dialed in on my workflow. Professionally feel like the year has been a big level up for me, my work and confidence in my work has gone up tremendously. I truly believe nobody can do what I do how I do it and I showed that during Basel. Then I enjoyed some much needed family time and closed the year out great with the fam and working up until the end on NYE.

Gotta give a huge shoutout to the whole team really on go all year my brothers stepped up. Appreciate all the clients we work with trusting us. Appreciate all my peers who constantly show me respect and spread love even while we all dealing with some bs.

Speaking of teams…

ARGENTINA CAMPEON DEL MUNDO! Finally! The World Cup was wonderful and I enjoyed watching the games, getting up early, catching games after work and watching some great games with the homies. The Cup was absolutely nuts but glad the home team came out on top.

IF YOU WANT TO READ MORE OF MY THOUGHTS ON THAT READ HERE

On the personal front, really crushed it in the gym shoutout to my brother Derek we went hard but next year we’re going even harder believe that! Still getting warmed up and dialed in so as I keep figuring it out I’m continuing to keep leveling up the gains are going to keep coming. Really happy with the measurable progress I’ve made too especially as a vegan have managed to gain muscle mass, increase strength, and lose a bit of fat. Continuing to dial in especially on my diet but every day I’m making progress and really seeing the changes in front of my eyes.

This year I was very mindful to stay fully focused and present in everything I do. I have tried to improve my focus and it’s still an ongoing battle but I’m getting better every day at really locking in on the task at hand and giving it my best with my undivided attention. It’s easy to get caught up in a million things especially with how connected all our devices are these days.

I want to continue to work on improving my focus and reducing distractions which in turn helps me waste time on my phone less and frees up time for productive activities. Need to get back to my roots and connect with new people and spend time in the streets all over the world.

Very happy overall life is good in the hood and the progress is trending in the right direction. I’m ready for more!

The one thing I didn’t do much of, cause I was locked in working, was I didn’t do as much travel as I wanted. Despite the lack of travel in 2022, I’ve been working on planning some cool trips for 2023 with a couple lined up in the first few months. Also hoping that new opportunities to travel for work also manifest themselves in the future. Would love to string some gigs together for an extended trip and take this tour on the road. I love challenging myself and pushing my comfort zone and I hope to do more of that in the future both personally and professionally.

As always here’s a playlist of songs I really enjoyed:

Locked in and focused! Let’s love more! Spread good energy!

See you in 2023

marty

check out the other editions of my yearly recap:

https://martintmedina.com/yearinreview

[madscientist008]

My thoughts on Alibaba: Ek Andaz Andekha Chapter 2 wrapping up

Hello, tumblr fam! I’m sure you all have heard the news that one of my favorite shows, Alibaba: Ek Andaz Andekha Chapter 2, is going off air soon. I’m feeling sad and disappointed, and I wanted to share my thoughts with you.

First of all, I want to say that I loved the show and its cast. Abhishek Nigam and Manul Chudasama did a fabulous job as Alibaba and Princess Mariam. They had amazing chemistry and brought life to their characters. I also enjoyed watching Sumedh Mudgalkar and Srishti Jain as the new additions to the show. They added more spice and drama to the story.

The show was a fantasy-based show with stunning sets, costumes, and action sequences. It was a refreshing change from the usual daily soaps. It had a unique storyline that was inspired by the Arabian Nights tales. It had romance, comedy, adventure, mystery, and magic. It was a complete entertainer.

But sadly, the show did not get the appreciation and ratings it deserved. According to Manul Chudasama, who played Princess Mariam, the show wrapped up due to low TRP. She said that if only the viewers watched the show on TV instead of online platforms, the show would have sustained. She also said that she can never take Tunisha Sharma’s place, who played Princess Mariam in the first chapter of the show before her tragic death.

I agree with Manul. I think the show was underrated and under-promoted. It did not get enough attention and support from the channel and the audience. It was overshadowed by other shows that had more popularity and fan following. It was also affected by the controversies surrounding Tunisha Sharma’s suicide and Sheezan Khan’s arrest. These factors might have led to the show’s premature end.

I wish the show had continued for longer and given a proper conclusion. I feel like there was so much more potential and scope for the show to explore. I wanted to see more of Alibaba and Mariam’s love story, their adventures in Kabul, their encounters with Simsim and Ammi Jaan, and their fight against evil forces. I wanted to see how they would overcome all the challenges and obstacles in their way.

But alas, it was not meant to be. The show is ending soon, and I’m going to miss it a lot. I’m going to miss all the characters, their dialogues, their expressions, their scenes, their chemistry, their humor, their emotions, their actions, their everything. I’m going to miss being a part of their magical world.

I want to thank the makers, the actors, the crew, and everyone involved in making this show for giving us such a wonderful experience. I want to thank them for their hard work, dedication, passion, creativity, and talent. I want to thank them for making us laugh, cry, smile, dream, and feel with them.

I also want to thank all the fans and supporters of the show for loving it and appreciating it. I want to thank them for watching it regularly on TV or online platforms. I want to thank them for making edits, videos, memes, fanfics, fanarts, blogs, posts, comments, hashtags, trends, etc. about the show. I want to thank them for being a part of this amazing fandom.

I hope we get to see more of these actors in future projects. I hope they get more opportunities and recognition for their talent. I hope they keep entertaining us with their amazing performances.

And I hope we get to see more shows like Alibaba: Ek Andaz Andekha Chapter 2 in future. Shows that are different from the mainstream ones. Shows that are innovative and creative. Shows that are fun and engaging.

Until then,

Keep smiling,

Keep dreaming,

Keep loving,

Keep supporting,

And keep watching Alibaba: Ek Andaz Andekha Chapter 2 till it lasts!

[darspeaksout]

I Felt Nothing When You Died

You outed me in front of the whole class in high school. 

We had set up our chairs in a circle. There was an article we were assigned to read for homework the day before. I can’t remember what the article was about but during the class discussion, the topic of gay couples came up. One of our classmates asked the teacher how she should explain to her five-year-old niece that two men can be together romantically and that same-sex relationships were becoming more socially accepted. Before the teacher could respond, you took it upon yourself to announce, “Why don’t we ask Darwin. Maybe he would know.” I was shocked. Did I just hear that right? Yes, I did. You really just called me out. 

The bell rang and everyone returned their chairs to their desks. As I was putting mine away, I felt my face get hot with rage, my hands shaking. I wanted to punch the wall. My friends in that class who recognized I was upset were quick to approach me and ask if I was alright. Obviously I wasn’t but I was too stunned to respond. I grabbed my backpack and on my way out, stopped at your desk. You were in the running to be our grade’s representative and had even campaigned to me personally. Through tears, I told you with all the fight I could muster, “You just lost my vote.” That was the last exchange between us before you passed away.

I got on the bus to go home. I had a church event planned that evening, so I had a few hours to pull myself together. We’d usually begin events by sharing good news or things we would like prayers for, but I knew this wasn’t something I could share with them. Once the shock had subsided, my mind went straight to planning mode. If this had happened to me in ninth grade, I would’ve cried alone and said nothing. But because we were approaching senior year and I had developed somewhat of a spine, I felt empowered to speak up. I spent the ride home thinking about how I would handle this. I knew I was going to address you in a speech, one that I would write out as soon as I got home. But I didn’t know what to say and how far I was willing to go to hurt you back. Marginalized people tend to see it as their responsibility to educate those who have offended them. But I didn’t see it that way. It’s not my job to educate you, but it is my job to fight for myself, regardless of how you receive it. Whether or not it hurts your feelings, that’s the least of my concerns. It was a Friday, so I had the rest of the afternoon and the coming weekend to write out my speech. I went to my church event that night and spent the weekend trying to calm down.

When Monday came, the chaplain with whom I had established a friendship, and our teacher for that class, both screened the speech I was about to deliver. They advised me to remove some of the rather offensive and unproductive messages contained therein. When I told them about my plan to address the entire class, both were supportive of my decision. Both reassured me I can always approach them for any issues should there be any, going forward. The chaplain said she would provide moral support and be there at fourth period. And when the bell rang, it was my time to shine. And shine, I did.

I walked to the front, speech in hand, and took a moment to assess the classroom, my classmates, and you - looking petrified as you shuffled in your seat. What was going to happen, what will he say?, you probably wondered. You weighed significantly more than me, but I’ve never seen you look so small. The tension hung dead in the air you could cut it with a knife. I closed my eyes for a moment and told myself I wasn’t only delivering this speech to you. I was delivering it to you and to every other person who thought they were entitled to my identity. 

I talked about how alone and ostracized I felt for most of high school, I talked about suicide. I talked about how my extra-curricular activities saved me from jumping off a building or hanging myself in my room. I talked about my family, religion, bullies, and how when you’re gay you expect homophobia to come from any and all directions, it doesn’t matter the person, it doesn’t matter the age. I talked about self-acceptance and how on some days, it’s more difficult to practice. I talked about how you called me out on Friday and how you’re lucky I’m this strong. Because if I wasn’t, who knows what I would’ve done to myself over the weekend and where I would be right now. When I finished my speech, nobody clapped. Everybody stared. That was the first time I was able to silence an entire room.

For a moment while I was up there, I wondered what the reaction would be if I derailed from my plans, set down the paper I was holding, and called you out, cursed at you, embarrassed you with the gossip I’d heard about your family troubles, made you feel what you made me feel. But I decided against it.

Because of how things stood at that moment, you were the bully and I was the bullied. If there was someone to root for, it was me. And I wanted to keep it that way. For once, the gay guy is the protagonist. For once, the gay guy is the one people want to see succeed. I was tired of being the best friend, the accessory, the shopping partner, the punchline, the man who is never seen as a man but not seen as a woman either, the man who isn’t taken seriously because he loves other men. As far as perception was concerned, I had the clear advantage. You cast yourself as the villain in my story. You earned that role from how you decided to act towards me. And I kept you in that role because I found your performance convincing. Bravo to you. You outed me for being gay, so I outed you for your true character. I was just returning the favor, so no need to thank me. We’re both actors, if you think about it - one is pretending to be straight, the other is pretending to be a good person.

As promised, I didn’t vote for you and you didn’t become our senior year representative. For the rest of my time in high school, you never bothered me again. I would have another class in which you sat at the very back but you later switched it for another course. I never knew if it had to do with me or if you genuinely had a schedule conflict. Either way, you were no longer around me so I considered it a win. I passed by you in the hallway once and you kept your head down, looking ashamed, similar to my best friend’s cousin that day on the sidewalk after he had tried to interrogate my identity out of me. What both of you had in common was that you think that by simply being heterosexual, it’s suddenly your job to coach and to police the identity of gay people. If I didn’t have the courage to speak up to him, I spoke up to you. I had double the rage and double the angst. You had to bear his transgressions against me in addition to your own, so I thank you for your service. But where the two of you differ is that in your case, I can actually forgive.

Who is easier to forgive, the living or the dead? I think the reason I was able to forgive you is, I visibly saw that you felt remorse for your actions. You understood my message, you left me alone, you gave me space by switching classes regardless of whether you did it for me or for your own reasons. And when a mutual friend of ours was planning a graduation party and I told her I wouldn’t feel comfortable if you were there, she uninvited you and you respected my space enough not to attend. I felt your remorse even though you never said sorry. But in the case of my friend’s cousin, I never saw that he regretted how he treated me. And that’s why I can forgive you but not him. As far as I know, he’s still alive and has the rest of his life to feel remorse. But since you’ve passed away, so have our issues, and I feel like I got my closure.

Three years later when I heard the news of your death, I felt nothing. No sadness. No elation. Just nothing. I observed the news as how I would observe a cloudy day - neutral, devoid of emotion. I was told you had died in your sleep due to a complicated medical history. If there is a preferred way to die, sleep is probably one of the more peaceful ways, I can imagine. Since I made the decision not to kill myself that weekend after you outed me, I believe that God took your soul in my place.

If there was anything I felt, I felt at peace. Peace that you understood how you hurt me. Peace that you showed me, in quiet but poignant ways, that you were sorry. Peace that you can finally say goodbye to your family problems, to being in and out of your mother’s home, to having to constantly move schools before you could develop any solid friendships. I felt at peace that you no longer had to feel alone, because I, as someone who’s gay, feels that a lot of the time. And I felt at peace for myself, that while it’s true I felt nothing when you died, it hit me that finally, we can put this chapter behind the both of us. I’m no stranger to the pain of living, and if your life was too painful I hope that wherever you are right now, may you find solace in knowing that with time, I grew to understand you. I really did grow to forgive you.

To the girl who never became my senior year representative, may you rest in peace.