#sure it wasnt my fault but i was selfish in the beginning. someone needs to admit that.

[stagenameouroborus]

something something how to leave quiet notes telling your friends that youre not quite okay but you're fine and dealing with it. wait a minute this isnt google. anyway

[aenniesryu]

tsukikage middle school exes

tsukishima kei and kageyama tobio. both in their first year of high school and are also teammates since they played in the same vb team for their school

ofc everyone is well aware of the fact that these two kind of hated each other. not that it was an obvious fact to begin with since ever from the beginning the two would constantly bicker and throwing insults at one another

however, that was it. that was the only thing everyone knows about the two. the team even had to separate the two of them when things escalated quickly just to make sure none of them will started to throw fits

no one knows the actual reason as to why they would bicker every so often. the team just thought that the two have so different perceptions towards volleyball that makes them so hard to get along with

the team did tried to help them to get along but it just ended up with them constantly at each others throat arguing about whatever it is

what the team actually didnt know is that tsukishima and kageyama once dated back then in their middle school days.

so basically the entire thing going on between those two were just them being salty because of 1) the break up and also 2) their mindset when it comes to volleyball

tsukishima and kageyama once dated before despite them not attending the same school

but, both were living in the same neighbourhood and their houses were basically next to each other making it easier for them to constantly see each other

however, that was a year ago before kageyama's family decided to move to another neighbourhood

no, the break up was not because of them moving because they would still see each other if they put more efforts in it

the break up on the other hand was because of this one major thing. it was a silly reason but nevertheless it was the thing that made them broke up and that thing is volleyball

yes, volleyball. even tho both were playing for their respective teams back in middle school, their perspective when it comes to volleyball differs too much.

kageyama being the volleyball freak he is would just spent most of his times practicing his serve. even on the weekends. tsukishima, however didnt really took it seriously when it comes to volleyball ever since it was just a club anyway, right?

with kageyama spending more and more time with his practice, tsukishima was left alone. they barely even get to meet each other because of them being in different schools and then kageyama's free time was now full with volleyball alone

tsukishima might felt a lil bit jealous since kageyama, his boyfriend at that time would constantly talked about oikawa. it's always oikawa this and oikawa that. he knows kageyama only meant no harm and hes just looking up onto his senior who plays really well.

tsukishima was fine with that. yeah, he really does because never once did he ever tell kageyama to shut up whenever he talks about oikawa.

what was not fine was that kageyama spent the only free time they had on volleyball. it was the only time that they would be able to hang out and go outside but suddenly it stopped. no more seeing each other, no more dates and no more talking to each other

yes, kageyama did tell him over and over again that he feels sorry and that he just needs to prepare himself to be the best for their team

tsukishima did understand him but as time passed by, tsukishima became selfish. well that's what he thought. hes tired of waiting. he shouldn't be blamed when all he wanted was for his boyfriend attention

then 2 months before the very important match for kageyama, tsukishima went and break things off. and just like that they are no longer boyfriends or friends

kageyama moving to another neighbourhood just make things a lil bit easier since they wont be seeing each other anymore after the break up

"What the fck was that kageyama?" Tsukishima is now in rage with his once called boyfriend. They were in the middle of a practice match where they were divided into two different teams and just to make them work along together and maybe become friends, coach ukai and daichi thought it would be the best to put them into the same group. Oh how wrong they were because now they are fight again.

"I just did what's the best for the team. All you need to do is jump a lil bit higher than usual for that toss. you are already tall enough, make sure of it for once" kageyama was surprisingly calm when he said that but only god knows how scared he felt whenever tsukishima raised his voice at him because he got irritated. it wasnt a pleasant sight to see and get into especially when tsukishima is dmn mad. like the situation they are in now.

"yes my height alone is enough and that is why, you as the setter should take in mind that I would perfectly score if you just tossed me the ball right at where my hand can reach. making me go through all the hard work just to reach that fcking ball you threw is just wasting my energy" tsukishima is really not having it. not only did kageyama sent him a high ball, hes also pissed that kageyama made him wasted his energy in jumping higher than he normally do.

"excuse me? I'm just doing what's the best for the team. I'm taking out that fcking capability that you have in you that you decides to freaking hide and toss it away, just because you think putting an effort even the slightest of it into the match is a waste of your time" now kageyama started to boiled up. he knows that tsukishima has a lot of talent when it comes to volleyball, he knows that really well. perks of being his boyfriend throughout their middle school years. well honestly kageyama thinks tsukishima is just wasting his talent with his kind of mindset.

everyone at the gym are just staring and listening to them arguing. daichi was closed to tear them apart and continue with the practice match, but before he can do that sugawara stop him. daichi was not having it but sugawara had something else in mind. he thinks that maybe them arguing this time would make the rest of the team to get a grip on what making them argue in the first place. and maybe the truth would unfold without them needing to ask tsukishima and kageyama. coach ukai seems to have the same thoughts too since he make no moves in stopping them. so the team just understands and silently look at them and wait for more.

"I dont get your obsession with drawing the team's talent or whatsoever because you ended up getting more demanding. I thought you were a setter. didnt setter usually can already feel his teammates thoughts? im here just doing what I have to do during practice and waiting for it to end like it always did but you? you just have to screw up everything. im already tired but you clearly didnt see that! just what kind of a setter who acted like a dictator and yet hes not even the leader of the team? tell me!" tsukishima yelled his frustration out. he wants this to end just so he can go back to his house and do whatever he finds interesting. and basically volleyball is not one of them.

kageyama didnt said anything after that. he felt bad and all the memories from when his old team abandoned him during a play starter clouding his mind. to make it worse he's on the verge of breaking down. his eyes are filled with tears but he held them back. hearing those things from someone you love didnt really felt the greatest.

"what? now you decided to stayed silent? why? just realizing how my words are true and theres no point in denying it? did you ever just sit back and think about how your shitty your attitude is in court? about how tired your teammates felt trying to satisfy you? this is literally the reason why your old teammate decided to abandoned you in the middle of the match. because you are so demanding and it stresses them out more than the actual game is" just when he finished saying what he needed to say, kageyama slap him. when tsukishima turn to see him, kageyama is already crying.

"YOU! out of all people in this world should know how important volleyball is to me. you should've known that theres literally nothing I can do aside from volleyball. you shouldn't have said that if you know what I went through the entire year. and then at the end? what did I get? I get abandoned. not only by my teammates but I was also abandoned by my own family. just to make things even worse, you fcking break up with me at the times when I needed you the most kei. the one person i thought that would always stay by my side. but you didn't even listen to the shit I have to tell you because you completely shut me off. I went through every single thing alone. All by myself. I practice alone, think of the best strategies for my own team on my own because I was pressured AND threatened by the coach, I came back to an empty house and freaking live alone. theres no one I can even call and relied to!! I cant even call the person I love because hes sick of me. all I ever wanted was people to appreciate my efforts even tho it's only in volleyball. I wanted YOU to be proud of me above anything else because I cant reach your level when it comes to academic. I wanted to be perfect for you and all I ever wanted was for people around me to be proud of me for the one thing I'm capable of but all I get is people abandoning me!!"

silence. theres no sound can be heard in the gym aside from kageyama's heavy breathing. everyone is just stunned with the sudden confession. not only did they just heard kageyama's biggest fear but they also heard the part where he mentioned about their break up. tsukishima and kageyama were a thing before? they were dating? since when?"

"tobio-" tsukishima breaks the silence. hes panicking but he didn't know what do to because everything is just too sudden and all he can think of is how shitty of a boyfriend he was during the time that they were dating. thats what his brain has been saying. after all never once did he ever asked how kageyama was feeling. he was indeed selfish and everything is all his fault. if only he stayed-

kageyama seems to snapped back into reality when he heard tsukishima called him by his given name. he panicked. he just spilled everything in front of the team.

"i-im sorry. I should just go home. I'm really sorry you guys have to witness such a pity side of myself" kageyama chuckled and wipe his tears. "coach, i would like to take a break from the team for the time being. again, I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I'll see you guys later" and with that kageyama walked out of the gym ignoring his teammates eyes and the calls.

"what the hell just happened" tanaka said as the argument really is tensed and they literally just heard something that is kept secret between tsukishima and kageyama.

"tsuki, you and kageyama-" yamaguchi said softly as to not add any more anger in tsukishima. after all tsukishima kind of had an anger issue.

"ugh fuck, yes we did." tsukishima sigh. theres really nothing he can do. everyone knows and they probably think its his fault anyways. but the team has the opposite thoughts than him

"I honestly dont know what to say" sugawara said to him. he really wanted to help but it's not in his power to do so. all he can do is give them advice.

"ha, no need. I already know it's my fault. you guys can blame me. I would gladly accept it"

"What? No" were the replies he get from his team members. he was clueless coz after all kageyama wouldnt turn into a tyrant if only he stayed and didnt leave.

"we didnt blame you. both of you were young that time it was just normal for you to feel he loved you less. but you two lack in communication which leads to this whole entire mess. idk what you two went through and how long you've been together, it's not my business. but, all I can say is that you two need some closure. and clearly none of you even moved on from the past. arguing with each other every other day isnt the healthiest way to cope with the break up. just please sort this out with him. hes in pain and so are you." enoshita who has been quite the entire time decided to speak up. he do got a point especially with that lack communication between tsukishima and kageyama. sooner or later he needed to settle this whole mess before it started to drag the entire team. kageyama is the regular player in their team, and even with sugawara who can replace him as a setter, kageyama really is needed in the team. hinata also needed kageyama.

"I know I'm the last person you want to hear this from.. but tsukishima please bring kageyama back to the team. I needed him. the team too. and I think you needed him too. so please, I will do whatever it takes to help get him back into the team" hinata cried out. after all they were the freaky duo. they relied more on one another.

"but didnt kageyama only asked to take a break? it's not like he would just quit" nishinoya chipped in. "indeed he said that, but we are not sure on how long would the break be. it can be days, weeks, months and even years." coach ukai reasoned.

"let's just stop here. you guys can go home now. I will cancel tomorrow's practice so please just take a good rest. We'll continue our practice on the day after that. And you tsukishima" coach ukai added and turn to look at tsukishima with a soft look. It was a rare sight to see but they know it's for the best

"yes?"

"idk what you are planning to do. whether you sort things out and talk to kageyama or you didnt do anything about it is up to you. just clear out your minds whenever you came intl practice. we already less in one member, we didnt need to lose another one"

"thank you coach!"

listen, idek what I'm doing but I'm just gonna post this even tho I know it was bad because honestly when I reread this I felt truly nothing lmao but my friend said it was good/okay idk dont really trust her but hey, the very least I can do is post this here so I can move on(?) welp, enjoy ig.

[frogmentarii]

QUESTIONS FOR OC CREATORS

Haaaa ok so I am doing this cause i saw @fallout-lou-begas steal it from @tarberrymentats and they both looked like they were havin hella fun so i am commandeering this for my own purposes. So lucky for yall its Emi time (art by the dearest @yesjejunus because yall need to see more of her work)

A) Why are you excited about this character?

Because she's an older woman (57) that breaks a lot of moulds and I love to see it. Aside from just enjoying older characters, Emi isn't a sweet old lady and she isn't here to try and mother anyone. Her drives are entirely her own and while she prioratizes herself and her sister before anyone else, its not always due to complete selfishness and just due to growing up in the wastes (I try to keep her character true to a fend for yourself setting as possible). I think Ill go into detail in another question with this, but I went through a lot of concepts and personalities for Emi before settling on someone who was seasoned and very much a product of the wastes. I think after seeing a lot of other couriers I finally figured out what I wanted to do differently, and that sort of helped guide her to become what she is today.

B) What inspired you to create them?

I think my last line there sort of short answers this. I wanted someone different from the other couriers I saw, and wanted to make one that was distinct or even juxtaposed against some tropes. She's a woman in her late 50s that doesnt try and play mom/granny to the companions, she very much has no stake in what happens to the Mojave, she doesnt care about Benny or that he shot her in the head (such is life in the Mojave, but she did have a job to complete so ripperoni him), and a lot of her motivations are selfish or exist to benefit her sister. She doesnt act 'old' in the fact that she isn't a wise caring soul or a grumpy old man, but rather her age is shown through her experience, and this also shapes her personality. She's never had to formally 'grow up' so she can come off as immature and irritating for her own entertainment, but she doesn't have youthful ignorance for how the world works. She knows how to be responsible but she doesnt have to act like it outwardly, even with her Tragic Caregiver Backstory.

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

To a large degree in the beginning, yes, and to specific degrees now, also yes. Writing in general isnt my strong point though I did know what I wanted for her. The main image is there but the details are funky, and Ive been slowly hammering those out as I work along with her and Camila's stories. There's been some huge changes along the way that help push both of them towards an ending I like and that fits them, and even if it takes forever and I never actually write a fic, I'll be happy when she finally feels completed in New Vegas.

Aside from that, she kind of fits in anywhere in regards to AUs. My friend @yesjejunus and I have probably like 40000 fucking aus for our OCs and all of them feel just as organic and their canon stories.

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

So I know I have an 'original concept Emilia' art on here where she looked like Laura Croft and had aviators but that wasnt even her first concept. I had originally wanted to make a petite southern belle type from Louisiana who used a shot gun and had a mean streak, but as I kept playing with concepts Emi really started to lean other places. Another huge change was her personality. Even when her concept got settled as a sniper from Mexico, she was suppose to be an early 30s caravan guard who was way too sure of herself. While there are reminents of that concept still in her, she has a lot more experience in the wastes and in think-on-your-feet situations to back up her attitude. Another thing she required was dropping her "take me seriously" personality with more goofy "i do what i want cause why not" traits.

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

Emi can get along with anyone at a surface level, for a small while, if it will benefit her or she wants to pass time. She really doesn't have interest in folks who arent interesting or beneficial in some way. Since I don't really offer her much, and am a bit of a wet bag, she might yank my chain for her own funsies or she'd have no interest.

And while I did indeed give Emi my go with the flow attitude, I think I wouldn't be able to keep up with her. Emi is very fast paced and doesnt necessarily have regard for those she decides to pick up as drinking buddies for the night. Def dont trust her with my life, and knowing the shit she gets into I'd def want to steer clear of it....like a trainwreck its much better to watch her from a safe distance, lol.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

A lot of affection from a meta standpoint? I've worked with Emi and Cam a lot since creating them, and they've def come a long way since their original concepts. I wouldn't say their story is quite where I want it yet, but I am quite happy with it overall.

That, and Ive met so many awesome writers along the way with Emi. Not all of my friends have posted fic but the amount of world building and having our characters interact and talking OCs ive done with them has placed both Emi and their OCs in a special place for me. Sure her having her own story is fun but I much more prefer the bonds Ive created with people over OCs and I think thats a bit more of a cherished component to character creation for me.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

Literally? That she likes to be irritating if she feels she can get away with it (or even if she cant). Actually? That she has a very "I shelter you and feed you therefore I make the rules, period." stance on how she takes care of her charge. She lets a lot of shit slide with Camila but things get very Rapunzel-esque at times.

H) What trait do you admire most?

How sure of herself she is. Even if its to a fault, she trusts herself and her judgements. That sort of confidence is something I strive to have haha.

To a lesser degree, and more of a meta point I wanted to make with her, just...her appearance I suppose? To me she's attractive, but she also has a lot of traits that aren't conventionally attractive and that's played a lot into how Ive wanted her to be. Again she's 57 years old. She has age to her body, her skin wrinkles and droops, her tits sag, she has the body of someone who uses chems, and yet despite her age and breaking of beauty standards ive made it a point to show that she is desired or thought of as attractive in non fetish specific circumstances. She herself, while aro, also still has an active sex drive and I really wanted this to be a backseat part of her character, as I feel like fandom in general shafts older women in this department (this also goes for a lot of her non 'old lady' traits I give her too). She still has sexual needs and is still very much sexually active, and she is still found to be a regular sort of attractive and is desired by those she gets involved with.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

Yes? Ish, to a degree. I didnt have to but I wanted to. I also did a lot of headcanoning with post Mexico for her early life which, afaik is free real estate for lore/nothing super detailed has been given in canon.

Given that she and Camila both shape their stories as individuals, I did have to split up some canon elements to follow two seperate characters, but other than that I really just had to make sure Emilia's story wasnt "boring" in the fact that she again, has no real stake in what happens to Vegas/the Mojave.

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

Cackles in 'which au will I obsess with today'

For the most part yes, however I love placing her in new things or different stories. She may be 'my courier' but really shes just the frog granny that goes into whatever au I am feeling at the time.

[the-house-of-the-nine]

In Mind of Misery: Reflections, Part 5

[Forward:  Since the end of “In Depths Below” the Nine have been busy trying to reclaim Lazarius’ family fortune, rebuilding, and forging new allies.  We are current in the WoW Timeline with this entry, NZoth has risen, the world is in chaos, and now, the Council of Nine are at a disadvantage.  New Readers, please note each of the roleplayers as the following...

[ L.K ] - Lazarius Kashebahl,  Algus Kross, Doctor Whistletorque, Marseille

[ V.D ]  Verzatea Duskflame , Pame

[ S.K ] Siida-Ray Kashebahl

[ K.A ] Koltun Ancientveil

[ J ] Jursol (AND JIMBA!)

And as always, thank you so much for continued support, posting, reblogs, likes and friendly messages!  Please enjoy! ]

[ L.K ]  “This is where we fail most when valuable time could be spent finding my sister and possibly others who are injured with her.”. Lazarius spoke softly; and much more relaxed than either of the three in question.

“You are all right.  There are three factors at play here that I feel you all are overlooking, one...NZoth has risen.  Any use of power be they void, death, blood, spells...it will result in the eyes of the old god noticing.  It will result in our locations being encroached.  We can not forsake Pyravari to wander alone with her trusted, but we cannot allow our own to be struck here either.  Two...”

Lazarius very calmly moved toward Verzatea as he placed a soft mummified hand on her shoulder.

“Kross IS CAPABLE.  He can handle himself.  And would put the least risk on thin resources we already have.  His presence remains unnoticed because he is dead.”. Lazarius glanced back toward Koltun and then turned to face Verza again.

“My sister is dangerous.  Much more when she is unhinged.  The fact that my link with her is severed is cause enough for alarm.  If anyone should be going for her it should be me.  But...”. He tapped the lovely infestation on his side that was currently covered by his tunic.

“Koltun deserves no less respect to aid the woman he loves.  You would risk your neck for me would you not?”. Lazarius gently eased his hand to Verzateas face.

“Patience.  And find reason Confessor.  You cannot overlook his attachment to the Fel either.  Koltun is one of the only, among us who also remains under the radar of Nzoths eyes.” Lazarius finally turned to peer at Koltun.

“See the doctor. Please, for me.  Let him hydrate you at least, and the two of you can leave at nightfall.”

“Come on sthweet cheeksth, I’ll have ya patched up before you can sthay ‘big sthlappy sthquirel sthacks’.”. The good doctor said hopping up and waddling toward the door.

“Oh...and third. If Raelyndia is doing this.  You better all be aware that your may need to turn your attention toward me.  If she somehow has returned from the grave and can manage some sort of magic beyond her life.  And that latches onto me...”.  He shook his head. “I would consider the contingency plan of placing me inside the void forge before I destroy us all...”

[ K.A ]  It was a rare to receive anything but stoicism or playfulness from the demon hunter, his fury reserved primarily for the battlefield and when it was needed to fuel his body through hardship. Such as the flight back to the Bastille. The possibility of losing Pyravari -again-, of failing her -again-, was enough to stoke those reserved fires, letting them flare in a minor display of what most saw before death... and so; apparently, did Verzatea's condescension.

Koltun turned slowly, felfire eyes narrowing dangerously as she spoke and dabbled notes. Thankfully, he had reigned most of himself in and beyond a light growl of warning, he left it at that. She hated inaction as much as he did, he could smell it on her as keenly as her perfume. He could hardly fault her for it, but he would remember what she had said to him this day, even while letting it go for now. And then came Whistletorque...

"oh no... Lazzy-poo you dont mean that do you?" The Blademaster groaned, watching the gnome waddle towards the door. Having no other choice but to obey, he heaved a sigh and started after the doctor, muttering under his breath "big sthlappy sthquirel sthacks....mnhrhm.”

“If N'zoth got a hold of your mind, Snookums, -he'd- go insane instead." Looking back to Laz, he nodded his thanks... albeit grudgingly, and motioned that he wanted to talk before he departed, and hopefully before being dissected by a far too eager gnome.

Tea earned herself a rather childish stuck out tongue.

'Mneh'.

[ V.D ]   The uncertainty Verzatea reserved within remained bottled up, but still she couldn't help but doubt the success rate of this half assed plan... And she had to wonder why the uncertainty and unpredictability of what awaited them never concerned anyone but herself. That was an internal issue she'd have to handle in time, whether it her fault for not having more faith, being too over protective or whatever the issue was.

Either way, Lazarius's shushing the Confessor was not amusing but as her thought softened, her narrow eyed glance his way was followed up with the woman making a face toward Koltun. Tit for tat. Though her demeanor, along with Pames, would relax after. No ill will, merely concern.

"Very well Lazarius," she concedes at last, promptly marking a line through her last written note before she'd wiggle the quill toward Laz.

"Then my biggest concern henceforth, with the issue of the Harbinger resolved, is your well being, and The well being of those in your immediate vicinity."

[ J ] Jursol stood silent as she listened to what was being said. Her eyes watched everyone closely as she thought to herself. She was unsure what exactly to say at this time. Thinking of where the missing woman could be did worry her. It was clear she was well loved, and someone they needed to find alive.

Wondering to herself if the Loa could, or even would help with this. While she was amused at how the siblings would bicker, there was a clear threat to worry about. One that could destroy everything they all held dear. She held herself upright as she kept a calm expression on her face. It was clear she was ready to do anything she could to help. These were her family now. Already she cared for each one of them. Even Pame.

[ L.K ] “Then since this mission will require us to be at our most stealthy and subtle; Pame and I will take point.  Wherever we plan to go.  Jursol and her raptor entourage may watch our flank, and Confessor; I suggest you stay close to our Inquisitor since your warding could prove most helpful if we are ambushed.”.

Marseille held both hands on his belt; one against the edge of his hatchet while the other rested on his spoon.  The large serving spoon he’d kept since the night of the infamous Dawnseeker Massacre.

“There was a small grotto hidden away beneath the southern edge of the Ghostlands in Quelthalas; there was a laboratory Raelyndia kept there.  That was my lead and where I was heading first.”.

Lazarius said as he peered between the four others.

“*We can get passage to Quelthalas from the Horde capital; and go by cart to the southern border before needing to walk.”

[ V.D ]   Gently Tea closes her book, promptly expressing as though speaking to everyone -- especially given she pointedly looks at each individual,

"I trust any of you with my life, and Id protect you all with mine," her eyes move toward Lazarius before her small smiling lips would part to express,

"If you intend for us to leave as soon as possible Id like to request atleast an hour to prepare? What awaits us is unknown, the old Mistress was quite crafty-," she pokes her finger into Lazarius side where the eye can be found,

"So... In the event that something goes wrong, I'd like to ensure all will be well here."

Her eyes move to the door where last her daughter had been whisked out of. Quite suddenly the floor would become a more interesting place to look rather than admit her selfish fear of dying without at least saying goodbye to her own child. Such strange insecurities the Confessor held.

[ L.K ]  “One hour it is.  Verza, please take me to Brin.”. In an odd turn of events for most there but probably more shocking Verza, Laz wanted to see his daughter as well.  He seemed to have the same sentiment about wanting to see her one more time.

Before he would leave though; one last glance was made toward the Shal’dorei Shade who oversaw the subterfuge of Lazarius’ operation. He knew exactly what that look meant and would certainly address it before they left.

Marseille stood with the troll and Kaldorei and thumbed the edges of the bandolier with his throwing knives. “Ancient Queldorei witch ruins...I would bet booby traps.  And plenty.”

[ V.D ]   "Foolish to think it's quite so simple as walking in, and walking out,"

Pame agrees, her attention finally moving from the intimidating demon hunter. The flare of the Kaldoreis nostrils were the only sign of expression on the womans otherwise stoic facade, purple skin glowing in the dim lighting of the library. Itd cast a ghostly expression, deepening the bags beneath her eyes and exagerrating the dip of her cheeks from skin stretching taut over her bones.

Though she was anything but ill or malnourished, simply... Tired. Likely from all the fucking sparring,  but for a woman who loved sword play it wasnt much she could complain about.

"Alas, between the three of us... A timeless scholar, a wilderness amazonian and an ex-abomination huntress, not to mention the Confessor-,"Pames silver eyes fixate solely on Mars after acknowledging Jursol - who surely would've been brought into the conversation - as if to coax an answer from him,

"One still has to wonder... Is it enough of a chance against the likes of this Raylen?"

Such was a conversation Verzatea wouldn't indulge. "Of course," Tea acknowledges Lazarius. Her focus was on the Inquisitor, one hand wrapping about the elbow of the Inquisitor before she'd begin to guide him from the library. All the while she was a troubled smile.

[ J ]   Jursol nodded as she and Jimba gave agreeing nods or sounds. Pressing her lips together, Jursol whistled softy in a pattern. The sound seemed to be a call to Mawa. A faint distance souls echoed though the place.

“It be our pleasure to help all dat we can. We can’t be leaving one our own behind. It be time for action. Den we can plan our next moves once all are accounted for, alive.”

Deep down she knew many died, and many more will die. However now was not the time to think they way. It was time to hunt and return the missing one.

[ V.D ]   A twitch of the ear would be the greatest indication of a reaction from Pame with the spoops besides the kaldoreis eyes fixated solely on Jursol. She'd lean closer after a moment, murmuring in an affirming tone,

"The foolish who challenge us in this journey will tremble in the afterlife once we've finished with them."

[ J ]   Jursol grinned at the idea of forcing enemies to submit, to make them suffer even in death would please her, and her Loa. She whispered back softly still with a damaged grin.

“Dey will know da power of Bwonsamdi. In death will they tremble before him. We shall see ta that.”

Nodding in agreement to Pame.

[ L.K ]  “I will be content with just knowing how the Master will get out of this.  I do not foresee his fallen Mistress having any way of deterring us that would be conventional in its genetics. This is all dangerous water to tread.  Those who follow NZoth that get in our way though...”. Marseille gave a wicked smirk as he flipped one of his knives out on one of his fingers.

“Let them come...”

[ V.D ] "I imagine a I'll use this hour to pack, however," Pame nods at once,

"After all... I hardly imagine loose, casual attire such as this will offer me the advantage of resilience to most attacks- If any are to come. Better safe than sorry," she snorts, swiftly bowing her head toward both troll and shaldorei,

"Might you both find good use of this hour yourselves."

[ L.K ] Marseille peered toward the elven woman as his silvery eyes narrowed. He would take several strides toward the exit now as he made very little effort to converse any further.

“I think I will see to a few loose ends before we depart. . . “

@whatadarkbitch​

@pyravari-kashebahl​

@thebladeitself​

@zandalaridruidofgonk​

@miss-irascible​

@siidaraykashebahl​

@frompage112​

To Be Continued in: In Mind of Misery: Wrath, Part 1

[kawaiimysticarmy]

ShinsouBowl Day 1 - “Promise”

Word count: 2,738

Genre: Fluff, Romance, angst, BL

Ship: Shindeku

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21470425

ShinsouBowl week for @shinsoubowl ! 💜

Hope you all enjoy! Shindeku needs all the love >w< 💜

Shinsou Hitoshi was heading back towards the dorms of UA while he had a black umbrella over himself when it started to rain. Wearing a hoodie and some jeans since he finished class earlier today and had changed. A day or so, someone had told him that new dorms have been built, which allowed all the students of UA to finally live in a dorm. Shinsou had decided to tour around campus, because he really never gotten a chance to ever since today. The rain began to pour harder while he was taking his nice tour, he then saw a familiar green haired boy, sitting on a bench while he looked like that he was pretty much drenched in rain water by now. He questioned to himself of why the other was sitting alone today, since he usually saw the male with at least one person. He took a clearer glance at the boy and realized that he looked... Kinda down at the moment? He decided whether or not he should go over to Izuku and ask what was up, after all it wasn’t any of his business... But at the same time it was bothering him. He decided to watch from a distance for now to see what the other would do next.

{looks like there’s something up with him... What could it be though..?}

Izuku Midoriya sat on a bench outside the training grounds. His expression poker-faced. School was a bore, everything he liked was a bore. It was probably past curfew at this point but thats not what he was thinking of. He stared into the distance, not wanting to go back either. It felt as if everything had sunk in even though it was days past the incident. Taking a deep breath, he suddenly snapped out of it and realized it was pouring rain around him. His whole body was beginning to dampen now, but he had an inkling the source of the warm and salty stream om his cheek was from something else.

The melancholy male sitting in the distance had suddenly stood up, wanting to scream. Before he could, he stopped himself. Thoughts of self consciousness and worry flooded him- he didn't want to annoy the others on campus. But again he just wanted to cry out in pain- for once just let it out. He felt it was a selfish thought, so he pushed it to the back of his mind. Even when he was with _____, he didn't want to show him his bad side and burden him. Picking himself up, he brushed himself off. Moping wasnt going to do any good. He gathered his things and trudged to the entrance, when he saw a purple headed boy turn away from him. What was he doing here?

Shinsou was about to walk away when he saw Izuku heading back, but before then, he saw the other catching a brief glance at him.

{Shoot, he saw me staring at him didn’t he?}

The male had thought to himself as he had hoped that Midoriya wouldn’t be suspicious of him and headed back towards the dorms, closing his umbrella once he got into the building. It had been a long day, so he decided to head back to his room to finish up some homework that the teacher had assigned him earlier this morning. The thought of if the freckled male was okay had still lingered in his mind though... He honestly haven’t really had a real conversation with that boy ever since the sports festival. Which was about months ago.

Deku felt self pity welling up inside him and worry at the boy who had been watching him. What if even Shinsou thought he was weird now? He sighed walking back up to his dorm, when his eyes locked with the very person he wasn't expecting, his jacket and hair slightly damp. Just when Shinsou was less than halfway down the halls when he had locked eyes with the green haired male. Deku walked past, alone in his own thoughts. But out of the corner of his eyes he saw a flash of purple. Locking eyes with the other, Shinsou’s lilac eyes looked dull and unmotivated, but at the same time, he was secretly concerned for the boy. Shinsou had paused a bit before saying a word to the boy, getting lost in the other’s eyes a bit.

“Mi-“ Before he got to say anything, he then got cut off by Izuku’s shriek of surprise.

"Sh-shinsou?!" He jumped slightly, eyes widening a bit while blushing and scratching the back of his head. "Aa-h-h-hello do you do?" He internally kicked himself for stuttering his words, making his reply super awkward in his eyes— a scarlet blush filled his cheeks. Had shinsou been watching him mope this whole time?

The purple haired male couldn’t help but to chuckle a bit on the inside after seeing Midoriya jumping slightly from his surprise reveal. At first he wanted to confront what was going on with the other, but then he decided to act like he didn’t know what just happened earlier. Instead he acted like he had acted that he just saw the green haired male walk into the dorms. “I thought you be back in your dorm room by now.” He stated like it was easy to talk to the young boy. “Did you have to do training overtime again?” He causally asked the question like it was nothing while he was folding his umbrella.

"N-no," why was he stuttering? He internally slapped himself. "Well not really, I was just... enjoying the rain! Yeah!” He tried to sound convincing but it totally backfired. He just felt so conflicted and hurt.

“You sure gave yourself a soak in the bath, if you know what I mean.” Shinsou responded jokingly, trying to lighten up the mood and acting like he hadn’t seen all the commotion earlier.

“Uh yeah, I sure did!” Izuku tried to let out a laugh. Then randomly, it was like Shinsou's words were all it took for the dam to break free, pushing Izuku over the edge. He broke down in uncontrollable bursts of tears, pulling his knees into his face so no one could see how embarrassing he was- this was probably why _____ left him after all...

“H-hey...” When he saw Midoriya suddenly burst into tears, he didn’t know what to do at first and started to panic on the inside. He never had experienced this kind of situation before... But then he had a thought — he then bent down to the boy’s level, seeing the other sobbing into his soaked uniform made him pity the other. He then placed a hand onto the male’s shoulder gently.

Izuku has sobbed profusely by now. “Why.. Why does it have to happen like this? It’s... Just not fair...!” He almost screamed out loud, sobbing in his already wet uniform pants. He tried his best to control his voice as if he didn’t want to concern the others that were in the dorms on the other floors. 

“Do you... Maybe want to talk about this at your dorm?” Shinsou had asked him as if he thought it was appropriate to talk about what the other is going though   couldn’t bare to see the boy like this — he never seen the green haired figure so broken like this... Izuku was always so cheerful whenever the other was around him.

Izuku then nodded his head, hiccuping on accident, allowing Shinsou to lead the way as Shinsou still had his hand on Izuku’s shoulder. The purple haired boy never really talked much, but actions were worth more than words and he could feel his gentleness coming through in his body language. He didn't really want to talk about it but anywhere was better than the hallway.

                                                      *~*~*

Once they had entered Izuku’s dorm, Shinsou had let the teary-eyed male in first, closing the door behind him afterwards. He observed the room, of course it was filled with figures of his favorite hero, also known as the one and only All Might. The other’s room was filled with posters of him as well to the fact that you almost couldn’t even see the walls. Some clothes were on the ground and Izuku’s backpack that he took with him to school every day was sitting on the floor by his desk, with a couple of books spilling out from his opened bag.

“Sorry if my dorm is a bit of a mess...” Izuku tried to speak confidently, as he was kind of embarrassed by letting Shinsou see how much he appreciated his favorite hero- it’s not like the others had already seen how much he admired the influential figure and that the sleep deprived male hasn’t already know about his passion about the hero- but in the end he still had that embarrassing feeling but tried to laugh it off. Trying to get himself together by putting on a positive tone of voice after what had happened in the hallway Izuku then added, “I um, didn’t expect guess to come, but here we are..!” He tried to let out a brief chuckle. “You can have a seat if you’d like! He then proceeded to sit on the side of his bed, making room for Shinsou to sit next to him. Izuku put his head down briefly and sniffled a bit, wiping his tears away that were outlining his eyes onto his soaked uniform.

Shinsou had placed his umbrella on a hook that was near the doorway to let it dry, then proceeded towards Midoriya who was kind of soaking part of the bed with his wet clothing.

“Shouldn’t you change into something dry first? You wouldn’t want to get sick do you?”

“Oh, um yeah!” Izuku responded as he looked at how wet his uniform was when Shinsou had mentioned it. “I-I’ll be right back..!” He then gave a forced smile and went to grab a pair of sweatpants and his causal shirt. While Shinsou was waiting for Izuku to change, he saw a small picture frame on the side of the other’s study desk. It was a picture of the smiley male and _____. Even though it was days since the breakup, he still managed to keep the photo of them two together.

A few minutes later, Izuku changed into his pair of clothes and sat on his bedside, gesturing Shinsou to come over as well and sit beside him. “

“So, I’ve heard from a few friends that you’ve been going though some things?” He lied a bit.

Izuku then hung his head down slightly as his expression saddened again. “It’s- it’s about ____... They told me that we should end it all... After all these years... And I don’t know what I did.. I-I know how we had a couple of fights that weren’t even a big deal, but I admitted it that it was my fault in the first place- I admitted it and (s)he seemed like everything was okay with us for a while... But then...” Izuku rambles on and on and couldn’t really stop as usual. He sighed in the middle of his thoughts as tears stated to outline his eyes again as he continued to ramble.

“Midoriya?”

“Thinking about it- in the end it was all my fault, I shouldn’t have-“ Izuku’s eyes suddenly shifted towards Shinsou, feeling his mind slowly going blank all of a sudden.

“Calm down.” Shinsou has said in a calm tone, activating his quirk to make Izuku relax a bit. This wasn’t the first time that he had heard Izuku ramble so fast about things, but this time he needed the other to take things slowly.

By the time Izuku had calmed down, Hitoshi had deactivated his quirk as tears were still falling down from Izuku’s eyes; the other not knowing what just happened for a brief second, but then realized that Shinsou had used his quirk on him to give him a breather.

“You were rambling again.. Take it easy, alright?” Shinsou had smiled slightly, wanting to listen to the boy for once, because maybe there was something that he could help with. It honestly hurt him a bit to see the other in this state...

“Ah, I-I’m sorry...” Izuku had bent his head down and sobbed quietly into his hands. “It’s just that... it all happened so quickly...” Izuku sniffled. “And... I just don’t know what to do...” He then placed his feet onto his comforter, bent his knees and started sobbing even more.

Hitoshi felt pity for Izuku. He was pretty sure he felt the same kind of similar feeling in his past. At first, he really know what to say besides and “I’m sorry”, but then a thought had came to him.

“Look... I don’t mean to be harsh or anything, but if I were you I would just probably move on from all of this since you can’t really do anything about it. It was their choice after all.” Hitoshi had straightforwardly said to the curly haired male.

“But I-I just can’t get it though my head.. I just... loved them so much...” Izuku sobbed as Hitoshi had decided to wrapped his arms around the other all of a sudden. He for some reason felt that there was a part of Izuku that reminded him of himself... Shinsou was not the one to show much affection towards others, but only for this time he felt like he had to do something, so all he could think of was this.

Izuku just hugged the other male tighter, burring his head into Shinsou’s shoulder as his tears had accidentally soaked into the male’s shirt a bit.

The indigo haired male had tensed up a bit as if the male wasn’t used to the giving back of affection— or the giving of affection in general, but then he eventually relaxed a few seconds later.

{My heart is beating faster than normal— is it because of how close we are right now..?}

A moment of silence has swept over the two, Izuku took a slight deep breath, inhaling the other’s sent that was an aroma of cinnamon and a bit of vanilla.

“...”

“Shinsou...”

“Hm?”

“You... Smell good...” Izuku had spoken in a soft tone as he rested his chin onto Shinsou’s shoulder. A light pink blush had colored his face after realizing what he just said to the lilac haired male. “I-I mean, is that cinnamon and vanilla I s-smell...?”

Shinsou couldn’t help but to smile slightly and had continued stroking Izuku’s curls, pulling the other closer to his chest. He felt a warm sensation going through his body. It’s like the feeling of happiness had swept through him for a moment... He honestly never had received a compliment like that from anyone other than Izuku. He was surprised from all of this happening, but at the same time he knew that Izuku was the only one to fully trust him out of all the students. Ever since their first interaction Izuku didn’t seem scared to talk to him, which made him feel a bit of a relief on the inside for once...

“I may have used a special softener while I was doing my laundry..” The sleepy male responded, trying not to sound embarrassed about the whole thing as if he thought it wasn’t a masculine thing to do; but it’s not like he cared about what people thought about him anyways.

{I really hope he can’t hear how fast my heart is beating right now, because that would be embarrassing-}

“Shinsou...”

“What is it?”

“What if I end up being alone? With no one by my side... It’s honestly scary thinking about it...” Izuku spoke in a soft tone. It was his first breakup and he didn’t know if he could find another person like ____.

{This cute idiot.} 

Hitoshi had chuckled to himself as he rolled his eyes and rested his chin onto the Izuku’s head gently. Pausing a moment as he kept playing with the curls on Izuku’s hair.

{His hair is so soft...}

“You’re an idiot for thinking about those things. I promise you’ll never be alone...” Shinsou responded as he placed his lips onto Izuku’s forehead, closing his eyes for a moment.

Izuku blushed a dark pink and nuzzled his head into Shinsou’s chest a bit more. “You promise...?”

“I promise.”

[fuckblizzardbearlover]

vauging post is vague*

So like i dont know why people post stuff they dont want ppl to comment on or reblog. Literally the entire point of putting stuff on the internet is for other people to interact with it. if you just want to write your thoughts a word document will work just fine.  The only thing i can think of is wanting to make sure everyone else sees YOUR opinion while you dont have to see others.

Regardless. Saying that characters dont deserve redemption (at the moment in their story) is not saying that you need someone elses permission to change.

Maybe you are thinking of forgiveness. But REDEMPTION is a cosmic idea.

“ to make up for; make amends for; offset (some fault, shortcoming, etc.): “

“ to deliver from sin and its consequences by means of a sacrifice offered for the sinner. “

redemption is the PROCESS of understanding what you did wrong, why it was wrong , feeling guilt for it and enacting the process of trying to fix it with the understanding that it might never be enough. thats why all those crycry edgy animes has the protagonist trying to save every life they can and suffering any punishment they are met out because they murdered so many people in the samurai war or whatever and even if they saved hundreds of lives it ‘wont be enough”

Its not something people can give you. If you, say, go to the family of every person related to the person you killed and ask them to judge you and they all forgive you, you are not redeemed. the very nature of redemption, regardless of ones belief is the idea of there being some sense of justice and force of good in the world and the hope that if you do enough good it wont FIX what you broke but it will MAKE UP FOR IT, because the whole point is the thing you did CANNOT BE FIXED.

and that is my point. No Jasper didnt get ‘her moment’ nor a redemption arc because 1) its “steven universe” not “Space Gem Alien Opera” and the focus isnt on her, and 2) for her to get a redemption and start the arc would require her recognizing that what she did was wrong and then make the CHOICE to make up for it. I would say periodot and Lapis are STILL trying to redeem themselves. based on the narrative, when Greg first told steven about the war, the gems (rightfully) still feel guilty about their peoples near destruction of the billions of life forms on earth (which is compounded by the fact that it wasnt untill steven forced them to socialize, that they even saw the humans as equals and worth saving, and by their own admission only did it because its what rose wanted).

Thats my point Jasper LOVED the totalitarian government, she ENJOYS hurting people. SHe KNOWS they suffer and that gives her PLEASURE. She Likes the way gem society is because it means she gets to kill things and torture other gems who are beneath her. she fully believes in imperialism. She-does not-deserve-redemption. At least not until about a full seasons character development. it took peridot multiple episodes to decide to help the good guys and that was to save herself and several more episodes before she considered herself a steward of the life on Earth.  ANd she never ENJOYED being evil.

And same goes for shadowweaver. There COULD be character development that changed her personality. but as her personality is at the moment she doesnt have a good bone in her body. she does not care about life nor people, except those that she deems belonging to her. And that was my point. she didnt have a tragic backstory. She was a Haughty bully who saw everyone else as beneath her. When the rulers of her kingdom decided the risks were to much she said she knew more than any of them and risked herself, her charge, and the whole kingdom. and when they didnt accept her monsterous mistake for the brilliance she saw it as, she went to the most evil organization she knew to trade power for the lives of those under her protection.

She does not care for anyone, she is evil and selfish. she has never even questioned if she was doing the right thing, she values no one’s opinion but her own, and she fundamentally sees manipulation as the main form of interacting with people. She-Does not-Deserve-Redemption.

At least not until she has a fundamental change in personality, an epiphany a realization that Every horrible thing that has happened to her has been her fault because she CHOSE magic and power over people.

And keep in mind that recongizing that a FICTIONAL character that is in a STORY is not at a point in their CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT to deserve to be redeemed, something the most penitent people might not achieve....Does not make one a hater or an anti or whatever. I love jaspers character and SHadowweaver is one of my favorite characters in She Ra and i Hope both finally reach that epiphany in a well crafted reasonable way (which i believe the writers are capable of doing). But they arent there yet and might never be there because of the Core aspects of their character.

Catra is a CHILD who’s bad habits and personality traits were created out of FEAR and her narrative arch has been amazing. Because its been done well, forcing her to hit rock bottom so she can see her fuck ups. but She did not choose to live in the fright zone, she didnt choose her caretaker,  But she DID choose to not abandon the horde, she did choose to value her pride over friendship. And thats what her path has led her to.

hitting rock bottom, realizing that while she had legitmate reasons to be a skamp that her losing everything was HER FAULT. She’s hit rock bottom, she’s realized her unhappyness is caused by her own hand, and now the healing can begin.

So if it took catra 5 seasons to even see the dawn of her redemption arch, i highly doubt Mrs “i’m going to sell out my children for power” will get one any time before the series is cancelled.

*and i’m VAGUE POSTING not @ ing because 1)I dont want to harrass the person who inspired this post 2) i want to put this post out there for other people to see because i think many people need to see it 3) This gives them the option to read or not read it nor does it call attention to them 4)lots of people here are really stupid and do that “I’m going to post something where millions of people can see it but dont anyone dare respond to it!” thing where you make your post private after someone gives a fairly respectful rebuttle,  and i AM calling ALL you bitches out cus its fucking dumb. stop doing that.

[flawlesscharice]

Para || A Glimpse || 

Who: Charice, Trey Watkins 

Where: Charice’s House, Manhattan 

When: Saturday Evening 

What: We get an update on Charice’s life through a glimpse of her Saturday night

Charice was always working, always taking care of the kids, always taking care of her friends but tonight she had no one to take care of but herself. The kids were spending the weekend with Dylan and she had finished up a few meetings and emails early last night so she cracked open a bottle of wine, picked up her phone and made a call. Dating was never going to be her forte. She was never going to be great at it. She was a full time working divorced mother of 5 kids and she was just 28. She didnt have time for a man. At least that’s what she told herself when Trey Watkins walked into her life. He was a 6’2 tall drink of something model who she met during fashion week. She took one look at him and knew he was trouble. And after giving in to some shameless flirting and a kiss or two in Paris, she figured she would never see him again. And then he sent flowers to her office. And when she didnt respond, he sent more flowers until she had no choice than to tell him that she was a busy woman. She had fun with him but she had kids and a job and an ex husband. She didnt have time for a boy toy. He’d made it clear right off the bat that he wasnt a boy toy and he wasnt looking for some play thing either. He wanted pure, unadulterated love. Something that Charice had forgotten that she also wanted. So she gave him a chance. They went on a date and that date turned into a second date, which turned into a 7th date which eventually turned into them dating for 6 months. He was different than she was used to. He was kind and gentle and so funny she nearly peed whenever he made her laugh. And he respected that she put her kids and family before anything else. She was nervous to introduce her kids to a man when all they had known was Dylan. That was who they had seen her love and be with but with Trey it was different. She was nervous about how the girls would react. Especially Mariayah who still had a mean streak. So she was waiting for the right time to tell them that she was dating and falling for a man that wasnt Dylan. She would wait until a weekend when they were out of town and Trey would come over and spend the days with her, either in bed, on the floor, or wherever they landed after they got handsy. She thought things would slow down after dating for so long but nothing was slowing down, not yet anyways. And even better, her friends liked him. Santana wouldnt stop talking about how hot he was and Brittany would turn red whenever Charice would share the scandelous things they would do together. Even Chris was drooling whenever she brought him around. So everything was perfect. Except now, it wasnt. Because as much as she tried to forget that two people she loved the most had shut her out, she just couldnt. Trey came over and in an hour they were stripped, out of breath and sweating on her living room floor. Charice licked her lips and laughed, her eyes closed. “Am I a bad mom? My kids play on this floor.” “We’ll clean it up,” Trey smirked, sitting up and leaning against the couch. He gently caressed her bare leg and kissed the top of her knee. “You want some wine?” “Water,” she asked with a nod and watched him get up, not a stitch of clothes on him. She smiled in content, his muscular back glowing from the lights of the fireplace they were laying in front of. He looked just as good coming back as he did walking away, his confidence oozing off of him as he sat back down and handed her a bottle of water. He started to rub her feet, a small groan coming out of her mouth. “God, you treat me so right.” “Damn right,” he teased. “So wait, what was it you were texting me about yesterday. Your cousin was back in town?” Another groan. “Please,” she sucked her teeth. “I dont even know where to begin.” He nodded. “Well you told me about her dating your brother in law, which I’m pretty sure is incest.” “Shut up.” “And you told me that he was cheating on his fiancee with her and she disappeared but that was  it.” Charice nodded, taking a sip of her water. “That’s pretty much it. Except she came back. She was in Vegas or something with her ex-girlfriend and has been there for a year. I’ve been trying to talk to her, to reach out to her, anything. Cedes was like my damn sister. I loved her more than anything and she just dropped me like I was a bad habit… and then she had the nerve to come back and reach out to me for forgivenss. You believe that shit?” “Yeah… I do.” “What?” “Charice, you said her leaving was heartbreaking right?” Charice nodded. “So why wouldnt her being back be the opposite of that? Why wouldnt it be something that makes you happy? She left, yeah. And it was a bad bet but wasnt it you that told me you were over all the drama?” Charice say up, removing her feet out of his hands and cocked her head to the side. “This isnt drama Trey. They cut us all off because they’re fucking selfish. Look you dont know Sam and Cedes like I do. Their shit is nuclear and it sucks everyone in even if their lives are fine. And then we try and fix it and get our lives fucked up too. I’m over it. And I’m over them leaving and coming back and acting like shit’s clear now. Half of me is okay that she left. Like them being together is all kinds of bad news. They’re just the worst for each other.” Trey nodded, not meaning to upset her. He licked his lips and pulled her back over to him. “Come here, looking all mean and small. I’m not trying to step on your toes or nothing, okay?  I get it. Family is hard and they’re assholes sometimes but what do we have without family.” “More money, less headaches, less drama,” Charice listed, giggling as he kissed her neck. “No dummy, you’re supposed to say nothing,” he teased. “We need them, even if they are a mess.” Charice shook her head. “It’s her fault I have all these crazy ass white people in my family now,” she said, trying to hide her smile. “You love ‘em…. Nah but speaking of family… ” “Oh no,” she said, knowing where this was going and grabbing her blanket to wrap it around her. “Charice.” “I know where you’re going and you know where I stand.” “No, I know where I stand. I know how I feel about you. I know that I sneak around like a high schooler just to see you because you think the kids arent ready but Charice I feel like I only have half of you. I told you when we first started that I’m not in this for games and some ass every once in a while… no matter how good the ass is… but I want all of you. Even the parts you try to hide.” He reached over and tucked a stray curl out of her face. “You dont mean that,” she shrugged. “Men always say they want all of it. All of this but in reality all of my bullshit is insane. It’s not just kids it’s so much more.” “And I want it.” “No you dont.” “Hey,” he said, placing his hands on her shoulders and forcing her to look at him. “I’m not him. I’m not your ex husband who’s gonna hurt you and lie to you and hide from you. Look, you’re not the only one in unfamiliar waters right now. I’m not used to this. I’m not used to falling for someone this fast but what I do know is that I want all of you. If you really think the kids arent ready then fine, I’ll back off but I need you to think about the fact that it might not be the kids that arent ready for someone new.” “What?” she frowned. “I’ve moved on with my life. I’m ready for someone new.” “Yeah in your life but maybe not in your kids life. Look the last thing i want is to step on any toes. Talk to your ex and see how you feel about introducing significant others to the kids. Then think about what that might look like. Really think about it because once I’m in there’s no going back for me.” Charice sighed, searching his brown eyes and kissed his lips. “You’re too fine to be this smart.” “Rude,” he shook his head. “I went to school for engineering okay? I just happened to get discovered making some extra cash on the side. It’s not my fault.” “Ya damn right,” she nodded. “It’s your parents fault. And God. God did this.” Trey smiled, his perfect white teeth and dimples making Charice swoon. “Stop looking at me like that woman.” “Like what?” “Like you wanna sit on my-” She cut him off with a kiss, smiling against his lips as he kissed her back. “Bedroom. Now.”   She got up, dropping her blanket and practically ran to the back of the house. “Yes ma’am,” he muttered to himself, getting up and following after her.

[incoherentlynonexistent-blog]

Unfortunate Outcome

Amazing how one person can change everything.....incredible as that same person becomes somebody they swore and promised to never become.....funny how you believed them, and the unfortunate outcome is the consequences you suffer because you trusted their word over everyone and everything....

It's so degrading...to now be where you're at only because you believed in something that wasnt ever real...

Hurtful to actually feel the loneliness kick in.....

Depressing to remember how little of an importance you were to them....

Unwilling to heal and move on because how do you pick yourself up after consistently being there for someone then for it to become abandoned and forgotten.....

It's the Unfortunet outcome to their mishaps that led me to becoming helpless and needy.

Sad thing is, I don't even know what it is that i want

Idk what I need....

I know I dont need this constant bullshit

Unfortunetly because I had so much hope and expectations

Its stupid to look back and realize how naive and oblivious I used to be

Now I guess they can say I made my own mess when they're the ones who lied and ridiculed me because I was drug along for so long

The most unfortunate thing about this is the outcome. Despite how much "better" they find this to be, I won't ever be able to be better....yea I have my good days, but even those arent good.....

Doesnt matter where they go

Doesnt matter the time they let slip by

Hell it doesn't matter what they do .

In still feeling the same things

I doubt ill ever have anything to help me endure this

I live everyday waiting still

I go about each day hoping anyone would love to be here again

I literally feel myself slipping

I'm already dead because of them

Added with how I'm still feeling

I'm not sure of this feeling will subside

It's all mind consuming

I can't just stop about this

It's the one thing that no-one understands

The reason why I'm like this

The answer is simple

Given the empty promises and then being just thrown way like yesterdays garbage

I'm miserable with this unfortunate outcome.....

I didnt get closure

Instead I get the only thing that's never changed

Them leaving my life.....

Something promised against but in the end

They all prove to be the same person that leff you to begin with ......

It's hard living and feeling like this

I have no faith

I don't have confidence

I'm trying to find a purpose

But I can't get far or enough to cease the memories....

They're just haunting to me now...

Only because of how and what I've done

You really think I can just magically become better

No.

It's not possible unless you actually are willing to be here

Or unless you actually gave me the closure I've been desiring

Until I'm given that

I will not get better.

I will not heal

This unfortunate outcome will be my life sentence

This isn't what I what wanted

None of this is

I don't want the depression

I dont care for the desire.

I just want to feel happy again.

I want a reason to actually smile and feel good about myself......

I just wished someone would hear me out

After asking for three years now...

I cant just move on

God Damn it man

If they only knew just how bad I really am

I wonder if things would be different....

I wonder if anyone wouldve left....

I just want someone to be here for me

Irs not ever been about my sex life or being in a relationship

My goal was to only be around the people who want to be here

Maybe ive beckne to fucked up to obtain that chance again

Unfortunate outcome is me being treated in such manner when the pupils who inflicted all that hurt and damage are the ones at fault for me becoming this way. They shut me out because I'm still fucked up over it. I was the original victim that became traumatized and untrusting, but I wouldnt be this irritable bitter suicidally depressed person that's unwilling to move on if it weren't for their actions.

I don't trust anybody any more

I don't even crack a smile

You know who you are

The person im addressing anyway ..

I hope you're happy

I hope you feel accomplished at what you created

With the unfortunate outcome that you refuse to have anything to do with what you started and fucked up numerous times......it leaves me like this.....

Idk how else to stress this fact

Because I cant get that little bit of respect....

When I shouldn't have been involved anyway

I should've walked away

I should've listened to the voice in my head

"Don't worry on going to the laundry mat

If I'd knew then what I knew now

I would've never showed up

I would have never existed

But its thanks to you ive gotten like this

Thanks to you I sit all day every day for the past few years pondering about whats wrong with me

Why am I not wanted. Why does everyone leave....see that's the difference between us, you're the one who does all the leaving. I linger because I believe in equal opportunity especially when so much effort was put into it in the first place. I believe in those who remain loyal and true on their word, but you seem to still believe in empty promises. You're using you're ears to see and you're eyes to hear. You're the most cruel and cold hearted creature. Not human.....because with human emotion, I couldnt do what you do, I cant lead them on, shut them out, I cant make someone feel like their the one for me, but then shut them down and out when the one I want is around. I will never understand you're selfish decisions and with how you know youve done wrong but you still don't bother to change.

Maybe I've become an unforgivable asshole, but that's the unfortunate outcome when someone so heartless just takes you for granted then you're the bad guy for not only reacting actually a little more civil than you should've, but because god knows whatever words come from my posts or even texts, god forbid they remind you consistently of what you've done. Everything I am and everything I do now is because of you..

Days I'm angry, I blame you

Days I'm depressed, It's your fault

Days I cut, blamed you because just the little bit of open honesty wouldve prevented me cutting myself, but only to relieve that pain that I cant get out through crying.

Its the pain that makes your chest ache and have the urge to just scream in agony. Its that lodged in lump that swells in your chest when everything that was promised, shared, and enjoyed together now sets this darkened, and dead look to it. I find myself shying away from every and any little thing that you had any relations to. My music has changed. My faith in life itself is nonexistent. Ive become so angry and bitter, that I am constantly snappy.

It doesnt matter how angry I were to get with anyone else, because every one probably tells you I'm fine.....

I'm not fine

Im not ok

I'm suffocating myself

Its hard to not still be bitter....

How can I not still be angry when you left once again.....ive been irrational and disrespectful, but I never thought that this unfortunate outcome would involve me getting worse....I figured at some point within these four years .....I figured you wouldve not done this so much that I'm probably permanently fucked up....I mean fucking look at me...have you ever seen anyone so pathetic and humiliating?....

Loving someone is so beautiful but sad, because when you fall for someone, there's some part of you that breaks too, its gone for ever because its with that person you wanted to give your whole heart to, but they'll only always have what's actually left of you. For some reason being in that persons presence or just respected enough to be even thought about by them, makes life worth living even if I were to spend it alone. Its not because you lack feelings or really the past that I held over your head....I just wanted for someone to finally treat me differently.....

You wound up treating me the same

This is my unfortunate outcome

Its been a battle especially the last two years

I've never in my life have I ever felt so much pain

Ive never loved anyone as much as I love you

The unfortunate outcome for you is me being gone when you want to come back

I already know how it's to be

Its why I never understood you

But I still kept trying to

Maybe that was my mistake

Because my unfortunate outcome is the distance between us and how little I've meant within the last couple years....idk myself what you could ever do to make things better.....

Unfortunate outcome is what's done is done....

Its ruined

We're ruined

Were gone....

The end....

Hope you're doing well.....

Sorry for being impulsive and annoying

I'm sorry for being a fucked up mess.

Wishing you a lifetime of happiness....

Wishing you luck on your endeavors

Ill miss you

I have been already

Life just won't ever be the same. I just know if it was went about differently I would be able to handle the sudden blocked phone and Tumblr better than what I am now. I'm wasting mt time is the sad thing because I'm sire you're thought is why if I'm to be the way I was before, well, it would be nice to have at least that wanting to talk to me or even asking things sbout my life. I literally have been wanting to fit in, and I'm sorry I tried to get in your way. I'm sorry for being this way period.....in sorry I can't bring myself to be better.....I literally feel like I have no other place to go or anything to do.....I should be doing soemthing with my life, bur in not.....only bevause I spend every day trying to avert seeing or even tbe chance to see you kr anything related to you That will rip my chest right then and there.

It's those things I want to feel better about.....I want to be able to see you without getting so severely depressed. That's the last unfortunate outcome, because of that, how I feel.....I think it's best if we just never saw each other ever again......Obviosuly you're already on that route but if that's really what you want, then you really will not ses me ever again. I mean you can scream yell my name. I will not look at any part of you.....I'm prudent because maybe youre right, just sticking with avoiding them, and I guess you do lose some feeling. I hate being like this. Idk what else to do. I dont need your help. I need your understanding. I dont need to be questioned, at least at what I'm doing, because idk anymore.....I get flustered easily because my mind stays so caught up on you that I fuck up everything I touch or work on.....then it goes back to the angry blaming you thing.....never ending......so how can I get better? What do I do? You just left. You didn't leave a note, you didnt say goodbye, and of all things I've ever done for you, you never helped my unfortunate outcomes...you rejected me time and time again.

I just idk how to be ok.....

I just feel like I'm losing touch with my existence

As in because you live in my mind so much I try to avoid that too....I've become a blank spaced emotionless robot....I'm depressed but I look solemn. I then break soon as I snap.....I'm getting worse.....idk its so hard to put into words. I just feel myself losing control over everything including my decisions.....

Whether you believe me or not.....I don't care to convince you anymore. Honestly I'm not even doing that now. I just needed to get what I could out....atleast While its flowing....well it was....I think I explained the best I could and linked the way I think...

Respond or don't respond

Respectfully, I'm refraining from tagging your blog name in the post. If you see it and or read it then its actually ok if you don't ever speak to me again.....I mean you're the one in charge and I know if you don't soeak first, then there's just nothing left to do but just hope you enjoy life.

Take care of yourself Kourt.....thanks for everything.....

[allisonyasuko]

THE SHIT SHOW CALLED TELEPHONE - oh and we all have one, or two or more.

I just researched the music video titled “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio. Originally, I was searching for LYRICS, but then since my search lacked “lyrics” I in turn, got the results for the video’s general information, vague, specific, all meets order and chaos. So, one of the first links that were clickable, was the usual Wikipedia which is sometimes often very helpful indeed, but also cowritten and authored by all of you and i and me and us and they. 

I proceed and clicked the Wikipedia link. 

In the beginning I read more praise concerning the accomplishments related to awards, approval ratings, numbers, and even some feedback. 

However, I found this passage, which is pictured AND highlighted above, VERY uncomfortable and even a little disturbing because of the language used and even the inaccuracies. Who “disected” Coolio’s mind and did they READ his lyrics and LISTEN to the song? Do they know about HISTORY and what has happened to Black and African American people? do they know that some and most populations have been enslaved?

LIFE IS STRUGGLE. 

If youre in debt, it’s harder to get back on top, if it was or wasnt your fault, so who are you to judge or say what is. If you’re born into a system that may treat a women or a group like a beaten dog, and you’ve got a broken heart or a broken leg, might one who has been degraded feel entrapped by the exterior factors.... and why?.... because they can’t control those things? WHO ARE YOU TO SAY WHAT IS OR WHAT ISNT, WHAT WILL BE, and WHAT WAS BECAUSE WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE SOMEONE ELSE, BUT ONLY OURSELVES. 

We only have our heart and our minds. Within ourselves.

Ourselves is who we are, and that’s who we ultimately have and that’s 

what COOLIO is SINGING about. 

  P.S. EVERYONE HAS A LESSON TO TEACH. MICHELLE PFEIFFER PALYS THE WHITE SCHOOL TEACHER IN THE FILM TITLED DANGEROUS MINDS. SHE LEARNS FROM AND BY THE KIDS, AND THEY DO AS WELL FROM HER. 

HOWEVER, IN COOLIO’s MUSIC VIDEO, THERE IS STILL THIS CONNECTION, BUT THE EMPHASIS THE POINT THE DOMINANT LEADING FACTOR is COOLIO’s ABILITY TO OFFER AND GIVE A LESSON FOR MICHELLE PFEIFFER’s CHARACTER TOO. HE IS IN A WAY, SCHOOLING HER SO SHE UNDERSTANDS IT’S REAL, despite PFEIFFERS character not being nearly or maybe ever as familiar as COOLIOS HARSH BUT HOPEFUL REALITY. 

The point is that both these two individual characters have something in common, theres a similarity that runs between them, and thats a common denominator. It may be pain from life or being put down, but theres the same vein that runs in and between both of them. Call it heart, Call it a mind hopefully right, call it a vein, call it blood, maybe soul. 

ALSO, LISTEN TO THE GOSPEL MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND.  THE GOSPIL SPIN IS A LIGHTNING STAR, THAT’s DOMINANT, THATS UPLIFTING, THATS HOPEFUL.   which leads me to.........

............

Random author on Wikipedia’s 1st and foremost statement: 

Coolio begins by reflecting on his life in a Biblical fashion: that his partaking in hoodlum activities has drained him of hope, and his damaged relationship with his mother.

COUGH COUGH NO.

He’s making a reference perhaps to his beliefs too. his moral convictions. 

He’s not perfect, and no one really is. 

He’s praying and hoping for a better day. 

The bible isnt just a story, it’s also a metaphor. 

Gangsta’s paradise....... LIFE IS A JUNGLE, some have it easier, some have it harder, 

Coolio echoes, sings, and howls, “Tell me WHY are we so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me?”

This is a very Universal and micro  problem. 

He searching cuz what’s going on is not okay and dandy. He has to keep living to search, but staying alive, is damn hard enough, because theres a cage around, and there’s a brokenness inside the system. 

  Random author on Wikipedia: 

“the narrative turns at this point with Coolio threatening rival gangs with certain death in the event that they take verbal liberties or transgress into his territory.” 

WOW Did this person watch too much Herzog.... “certain death.”      ?????

“transgress into his territory?” is random author on wikipedia saying a human is an animal? and if there are territorial habits, i wonder why? what came before now?

Random author on Wikipedia: 

“subsequently educates the listener on the history behind his current position in society; explaining the way in which his upbringing has entrapped him by creating his lust for power, money and murder. “

ME/ ALLI: 

Is LUST REALLY THE CORRECT WORD in this case? 

Im pretty sure everyone needs money to survive and in some areas the income to the jobs arent as good or arent so common. 

AND WHO WOULD REALLY LUST FOR MURDER, IT’s DEFINITELY NOT GOING ON IN THIS SONG, and if there is a murder maniac person, they have something going on inside, it’s not LUST. 

Random author on Wikipedia:

“It is at this point that he acknowledges the uncertainty of his survival on the street. Coolio therefore begins to lament the cyclical nature of the violence in which he partakes, as well as elucidating the collective chaos created by individual greed, selfishness and a lack of education or role models.”

ME/ ALLI: 

not even going to waste my time on this wreck of a paragraph. If one will try to use big vocabulary words to prove a point or to heighten their stance comparatively, it’s useful and beneficial to use the voabulary in the correct context and order, or youre just a bastard.  

the individual greed: started way back before COOLIO not from Coolio and he def doesnt have “greed” in the song

Selfishness: he can be selfish because a) who are we to judge b) he only has himself right now c) being selfish doesnt always have to be bad

lack of education: He has a big eduacation, but maybe not the same one as you or her or he or them

Role models: where are the role models? Who are the rolde models? When are there or are these role models there? And why? and HOW? WHAT FOR? WHY?

How come?

Random author on Wikipedia writes/ states: 

“He ends his personal journey on a hopeless admission: that his situation and surroundings will never improve.”

ME/ ALLI: 

hopeless? Not sure how it’s hopeless when the gospel is running through the whole song. That’s a high. 

ME/ ALLI: 

IN CONCLUSION 

in the words of THE Random author on Wikipedia: THE RANDOM AUTHOR ON WIKIPEDIA ends his personal journey on a hopeless admission: that his situation and surroundings will never improve.

And perhaps Random author on Wikipedia  may be writing either with his own experiences, his own understanding, his prior stigmas of a Black and or African American Man, Person, or population, his HISTORY, his SYSTEM, his OWN COMPLEX that is infecting my own understanding of a truth, exaserbating an ongoing problem, adding negativity and fuel to a fire and spreading more hot dim heat to more minds, more eyes, more ideas, and just isnt really true.  

BUT WHO AM I TO JUDGE?

I’ll KEEP ASKING MORE QUESTIONS. THANK YOU MAM. THANK YOU SIR. AND NO THANK YOU TOO. 

AND I’m NOT SORRY. THANK YOU TO THAT. 

[fairlyoddfvtvre]

something i wrote out of nowhere, before my brain completely turns to mush and i am unable to write anymore

i fucking miss her. so much. we have reached the point of no return. i know its only been a couple weeks but its felt like an eternity. how much longer are we going to keep doing this? a few more weeks? months? years? fuck. i wont even last that long. i know i wont. something tells me this is how it will be forever, that this is the end. im so fucking stupid and she knew it. she knew she needed better but she settled for me anyway. maybe she wasnt so smart after all. maybe she did it out of pity. maybe she thought i was as good as it gets. either way she was wrong. we both knew she deserved and needed better. maybe we were both in denial, or at least she was. i knew for a fact that she needed better. ive always known. and ive even told her numerous times, but she still stayed. and although im grateful that she did, i know that that was selfish of me. she was trapped. and sure maybe she did love me in the beginning when i would write her poems and shit. maybe she really did love me then. back when everything was light and bubbly and carefree. but somewhere along the line i went wrong. i wasnt showing her the love i should have. it became more half assed. and you know what, that fucking sucks because i thought i was giving her my all, or at least what was left of it. i dont know. i thought i was giving her all i could, but i think deep down i knew that wasnt the truth. i was giving her less and less as the days went by. at one point i thought the same was true for her. she was giving me less and less everyday, but still we tried. we tried so hard to keep our love bright and lively inside of our dull lives. and in the end we just tired ourselves out. exhausted. i had once made an analogy where i compared us to a lit flame, that the fire was slowly dying. at the time i think we were both just too caught up in our own sadness, and i had mistaken that as just us loving each other less. and of course one thing led to another and we split, reunited, and the flame was lit once again. somehow we were able to keep it for much longer this time, and i truly believed we would never burn out again. i believed this because those few months i went without her i learned just how much i needed her. i still loved her while we werent talking, and that was all i needed to know that we still had to be together. but due to recent events, i am tempted to believe that we have burned out completely this time. or perhaps not all the way. maybe when we were together we were just two candles that got too close to one another, the two separate flames combining with the other to make one. and now were back to being two again. separate. i know her flame is duller than mine. i know she doesnt love me the same way she used to. and i know its my fault that thats the case. i get it. but i also know that my flame is still fully lit. i know i still love her more than anything this pathetic excuse of a world has to offer. i know that if i had to choose between breathing and her, i would obviously choose her. she has been the best part of my short, and dull life. she has taught me so much in so little time. i wish we had more time together. i wish we could have spent the rest of our lives together on this tiny little meaningless planet. i wish things could have been different. and i know that since this is most likely my last year on this planet (which, as im writing this, that sounds like im a fucking alien, to which im not), if she ever did want to once again combine our flames, we couldnt. i will be long gone. eventually her love for me will fade, and she will move onto greater things. i know that i will be reduced to nothing but a memory of her early teenage years. i know that someday she will find someone new, regardless of how much that breaks my heart, at the same time it almost fixes it. its a bittersweet thought. she might even fall in love with multiple people. maybe theyll break up and she will regret it and go back to them. she will go on many dates, share plenty of kisses, and hold many hands. one day she will find her true soulmate and settle down with them. they will live in a beautiful house together with a few little kids. shes going to be such a great mother. i know it. she will help them take their first steps, walk them to school, teach them how to ride a bike, comfort them after losing their baby teeth, take them on family trips during the summer, help them through their first heartbreak, take pictures of them on their prom night, buy them their first car, watch them graduate, watch them get married, watch them have kids of their own, the list goes on and on. she is going to live a long and beautiful life. it will be beautiful. and i hope that after i am long gone and nothing but a memory to her, she will still think of me from time to time. perhaps i will be nothing but a past lover. i wont take up as much space in her heart as i once did, but i will take up the same amount of space as her friends or her cats or her dogs. and wherever i go, i will be happy with that. and i know i am a little skeptical when it comes to god and heaven and hell and whatnot, but i do hope there is a heaven. i hope that being able to watch over your loved ones is an option up there. because i would love to watch how her life plays out. because like i said, it will be beautiful. i wouldnt want to miss out.

i love you ivy.

(without the too)