#surprise its another mike crew post

[lafresnaya]

Been doing some research for a mini, mike-themed, conspiracy-esque board, and I've come across some interesting things:

Firstly, a 1981 article on the effects of being struck by lightning.

It's... very, very interesting how many ways a lightning strike can mess up your body. Human beings are very fragile things indeed. Notably, though, the results were that 'no continuing problems [were] observed' in the victim, which checks out. ["The doctors told me there would be no long-term damage from my accident."]

This 2008 article has a few things of relevance; namely that lightning strike victims:

Bear lichtenberg figures as a result of damage to the capillaries which usually go away in 24 hrs, but may be associated with 'deep pigmentation'. But I don't think this is the case with Mike, as I believe his scars are pale/almost-white. ["his face got so pale his branching scar seemed almost to vanish"]

May experience keraunoparalysis; the temporary paralysis of of the limbs, as result of the lightning's electricity taking the path of least resistance (i.e. through the nerves) and playing havoc with the nervous system and subsequently, both motor ability & sensation. ["you’re trapped in a statue of yourself"]

May experience retrograde amnesia; the inability to remember past events/experiences. ["The part that always bothered me was how I didn’t remember it. Not really."]

He was almost certainly hit dead-on/directly by lightning.

There's a few types of lightning strikes from what I can tell; direct, side flash (indirect), ground current & upward-streamers. The fact that Dominic Swain was unharmed (and within hearing distance of Mike, right before the flash) suggests that it wasn't a side-flash or ground current. You need a tall object for an upward streamer, but they were "playing in a field" so it's unlikely to have been that. That leaves only a direct strike. Direct strikes are less likely to have living victims, but this is TMA. And Mike survived. Mostly.

[imfinereallyy]

@henderdads posted this about domestic fluff and I realize that I love this trope and I just don’t write enough of it, and I wanted to give her a little treat to read. Mostly because her tags when she reblogs on my post give me absolute joy, I laugh every time.

Two things might come as a surprise when getting to know Steve Harrington. The first being he didn’t actually like parties. He likes making other people feel good, wants to make them happy. Hence why for years, he lets Tommy and Carol wreak havoc on his house. It makes them happy and, for a short while, makes most of Hawkins High happy. Steve, in retrospect, has learned to regret this since he has now gained a reputation for being a party king, despite not throwing one in years, but he knows all too well how hard it is to let go of a high school reputation.

The second surprising fact is that Steve Harrington hated his birthday. Well, maybe hate wasn’t the right word, but he has incredibly low expectations for his birthday. Either everyone forgets his birthday, or somehow Steve is reminded that he is an inconvenience.

“Sorry sweetie, your dad has a business meeting that day.”

“Dude, I have a baseball game in that night could we do something another day?”

“I’m late! I know, we stayed up all night playing D&D. I even forgot to call Suzie!”

Steve isn’t necessarily hurt per se when these things happen. He knows that some people, more than others, are really trying. That it’s human to make mistakes. But Steve doesn’t like to get his hopes up; that’ll be much better than that.

There is also the more commonly now known fact that Steve doesn’t like being the center of attention. And birthdays come along with a lot of that. Sure, Steve wants someone to pay attention to him, really listen to what he has to say, but he has long since out grown the desperate need to have everyone look at him.

It is why it is such a surprise the upside down crew throws him a 24th birthday party.

Steve always thought something like this would upset him, but he is delightfully warm at the sight of all his friends, all of his family, inside Robin and Nancy's apartment screaming,

“Surprise, Dingus!”

Steve can’t believe she got everyone to say that.

After the shock of seeing them all packed like sardines wearing party hats, Steve can’t help but smile.

Eddie walks up to him, placing a hat on his head and a soft kiss on his cheek. “I tried to stop them,” Eddie whispers. “I know you don’t like parties, but they just wanted to show how much they love you. It was hard to say no.”

Steve turns to Eddie, a man who knows him inside and out and knows he can’t lie to him. “I thought I would hate this, but I don’t. It’s perfect.” He kisses Eddie on the lips, just as soft as the one before.

“Good, because I really didn’t try to stop them.” Eddie smiles into the kiss.

“Ew!”

“Gross!”

“Get a room!”

Various shouts across the room cause the couple to giggle and pull apart. Eddie flips them all off, “It’s been four years, assholes! Grow up.”

Eddie runs off to particularly chase Mike, who actually hasn’t said anything but did make a face, and Steve can’t help but be overwhelmed by joy.

🎉🦇🎉🦇

Hours later, after the cake has been cut and the presents have been shared, and his kiddos are definitely way too drunk, the party doesn’t show any signs of slowing down. And Steve, who is having fun but growing antsy since he slowed down on drinking years ago, isn’t quite sure what to do with himself.

He doesn’t want to ruin the fun or make anyone think he didn’t have a good time. This is one of the best birthdays, if not the best one, he’s ever had. But Steve is getting overwhelmed and worn out. He isn’t really tired, but being social has reached its capacity for the night.

Even so, he can’t help but laugh at Robin as she tells a story about the most recent disaster of her sign language class, where kids keep accidentally swearing instead of the proper words.

Eddie catches his eye across the room; he looks happy as he talks to Hop and Wayne. But even mid-conversation, across the sea of people, he tugs his helix piercing over his right ear twice.

It’s their signal for, “Do you want me to come over?”

Steve rubs the scar over his left eye twice, “Yes please.” It means.

Eddie excuses himself and makes his way to Steve. “Hey, baby.” He interrupts Robin mid-rant, who makes a sound of drunken protest. “Did we feed Mrs. Pierson’s cat today?”

Another signal, which translates, “Do you want to go home?”

And Steve knows he can just tell Eddie yes, and they can stay at the party, and Steve will have fun, and he’ll be happy, but it isn’t what he wants. What he wants is to be at home with their own cat Beelzebub, snuggled up in their bed. So Steve says, “Shit, I don’t think we did.” Yes, please. Let’s go home.

Eddie acts quickly. They make their rounds, say goodbyes, and make their excuses. Everyone lovingly pokes at their forgetfulness. The couple insists everyone stays and enjoys themselves. Steve thanks everyone with individual hugs.

Steve and Eddie hold pinkies the entire walk home, down the streets of Indianapolis. The dark night blanket of night, and the never-ending sound of the city, keeping them safe enough to risk the intertwined digits.

When they make it home, they say nothing. They unwind slowly. Sharing kisses, delicately take off each other's clothes, hum into each others mouths. There is nothing rushed, or rough; they have time now. There will be moments for that later.

And in their journey from the front door to the bed, Eddie kisses the place where Steve’s shoulder and neck meet. It’s his signal for “I love you.”

Later, when they are tangled up in the sheets, heavy breaths slowing down, Eddie’s arms wrapped around him, Steve leans up and kisses the tip of Eddie’s nose. It’s his signal for “I love you more.”

Eddie’s smile back says, “that just isn’t possible.”

“Thank you for today.” Steve finally speaks out loud, playing with Eddie’s fingers.

“Oh, it isn’t over yet, baby.” And Eddie jumps out of bed naked, running out of the room.

Steve can’t help but cackle at his boyfriend's antics. There is a sudden thump on the bed; Steve peeks down to see their cat making his home on the end of their bed like he knows they are finally done for the night. “Hey, bee.” Steve scratches him behind his ear, earning a resounding purr from him. A little to the left, it means.

Eddie comes back into the room and dives back into the bed, bouncing Beelzebub but not startlingly him enough to move. Steve supposes he’s used to his father's antics. “Okay, I would tell you to close your eyes, but I know you’re not going to listen, so I’m just going to hand them to you.”

Steve giggles and grabs the pieces of paper in his hands and his heart stops. “Eddie.”

“Steve.” Eddie’s grin is wide.

“These are three tickets to see Madonna.”

“Yup.” Eddie pops his ‘p’ clearly proud of himself. “One for you, one for Robs of course, and one for me.”

Steve whispers in awe, “But you hate Madonna.”

Eddie brushes the hair out of Steve’s face, “Please, no one can hate Madonna.” Eddie’s eyes turn soft, “Besides, you love her, and you love me. It only felt fair to have us both in the same place. And you’d worry the entire time if I wasn’t there.”

Steve throws his arms around Eddie, squeezing him tight. Hoping he can translate how much he loves this man through it. Steve loves making other people happy, but no one has loved making Steve happy, quite like Eddie. “I love you so much,” Steve says once he leans back.

Eddie kisses the place where his shoulder and his neck meet. I love you. Eddie kisses the tip of his nose. I love you more. Finally, he holds Steve’s face and says aloud,

“I love you too.”

***

Was this perhaps inspired by the fact I turn 24 in a week and a half? Maybeee. I’m a lot like Steve in this where I have such mixed feelings about my birthday. I’m feeling a lot of anxiety about it if I’m honest, and I don’t have high hopes.

Unlike me, I don’t have a partner like Eddie, but Steve deserves the world and I wanted him to have some loving and domestic fluff. The idea that these two have secret signals is an important headcannon to me, and I would love to see others take on it.

I hope @henderdads you enjoyed this if you made it this far. It was a lot of fun to write. :)

[your-kneecaps-are-mine-now]

!!SPOILERS FOR MAG S1-S5!!

Okay, I tried this before but it didn’t save right so here we go again. This is gonna be shorter. please don’t spoil the finally for me I just finished MAG183, and if you don’t want spoilers please leave, NOW. This will be going into a bit of detail on specific VERY SPOILER episodes.

OkiDoki, lets do this. You have been warned. 

The tape recorders, lets talk about them. When we first start the series the listener assumes that the recorders are just a way of conveying the story to them, but as the plot progresses the characters begin to notice and comment on out of place recorders. To the point it begins to become a source of frustration and conflict between our main cast in seasons 2-3. But the listener continues to think that they are listening through The Eyes recorders, especially after Smirke’s classification is explained in MAG 111: Family Busines(Transcript) *side note* if ur on a computer ctrl-F is the find command, enter whatever word you want to find in the drop down. But, as one gets into season 4 & especially season 5 its made more clear the the recorders are a common occurrence for The Archivist,( MAG 161: Dwelling, Transcript)   LEITNER: “Right. (brief pause) Did you mean to leave the tape running?” GERTRUDE: “Oh, good grief. Forty years I’ve been using them, and I swear, I’ll nev–” [TAPE CLICKS OFF.] I’m not going to go through every episode but from my memory its implied a few times that Gertrude had a similar problem of forgetting to turn the recorder off or not turning it on in the first place. Not sure if Elias recorded this one on purpose, why would he though, but MAG 158: Panopticon(Transcript) where we get to literally hear him murder Gertrude. some more obvious evidence from season 5 would be MAG 181: Ignorance(Transcript)  SALESA : “Things shouldn’t be able to manifest in here like that.[referring to the recorder]” “In that case, we shall leave it to be.[referring to the recorder] It’s hardly valuable, and it’s probably best not to upset whatever it might be involved with.” Its stated in this episode and the one before it( MAG 180: Moving On, Transcript) that its a blind spot for the powers, and that they can’t know it’s there w/o seeing it themselves. MAG 170: Recollection(Transcript) MARTIN: “Wow, retro! What are you up to, little buddy; just – listening?” “(pleasant surprise) Oh, he-hello! What are you? Huh. Didn’t even know I had a tape recorder. Do you still work, or…”. these clips, mainly Salesa’s, imply that the recorder might be Eye aliened but not affiliated. Along with the way the Martin treats the recorder in this season and the last season(4, not gonna go through the effort of finding those clips) means that he thinks someone or something is listing. 

Anyway, hope you enjoyed my spiral into slight madness. I had a bit about Jude knowing where Mike Crew lived but I wasn't in the mood to re-do that deep dive, maybe another time. Feel free to engage w/ this how ever you want, re-post and add commentary, or comment, or whatever.  LMK your thoughts. <3

[helljunker]

some behind the scenes stuff

some people might be interested in my processes when it comes to my traditional art. under the read more is a peek into what my journals usually look like

i plan on digitizing it and coloring this through csp, but wanted to shared the original pages planning out the pose

the first three images are my first try. obvs i gave up and switched to another page, which made it easier to plan out the pose on a fresh leaf

most of my pages more or less look like this, with one character taking up the page normally. ive been getting better about using up the entire space but its harder with denser inks like sharpies and permanent ink nanoliners, as shown below

one more random thing, from this post. surprise!! i drew this in my sketchbook first. instead of drawing his entire body again i "lightboxed" the page with my phone and drew his face that way. also fuck hands they are stupid to draw. why do they look like wet gloves. also also cursed bald mike crew.

anyway thats a peek at my journals... i like sharing my process because its fun for me to see how people draw! and if anyone felt the same they could look at this post, heh

[preemshots]

the definitive post of WHERE IN THE WORLD IS JOHNNY SILVERHAND’S BODY?

AKA the post of HERE’S WHY I WANT TO BELIEVE WE ARE GONNA GET JOHNNY’S BODY BACK IN DLC. 

buckle up, gamers. it's time for some lore. this is a very long post. 

warning: this will contain a million spoilers. both for details of multiple game endings, a wee bit of the “where’s johnny” comic, and the cyberpunk RED book. if you want a sparknotes version this is the post for you. my main source here is the cyberpunk RED book as well as as some references to the cyberpunk 2077 world book to cross examine the lore. 

i have no idea if someone has made this post before or what anybody else has been finding in their own lore diving. this is just me documenting my own findings from the sources i’ve been using.

it would be disingenuous not to preface this with the ways in which cyberpunk 2077's telling of the arasaka assault differ from the version told in the TTRPG books. the books =/= the game. pondsmith acknowledges in the intro of RED that this is a bridge between the old cyberpunk world and the new world of cyberpunk 2077. 

we also know that johnny's an unreliable narrator and his memories presented to V are often different than real events. but on top of that we don't know if the reason why many elements are changed is simply CDPR editing/adjusting/condensing the storyline for their own canon, or if it's due to johnny's construct being manipulated by outside influences such as arasaka.

some of the main differences you need to know from cyberpunk RED canon:

in 2023 johnny doesn't bring the nukes to arasaka tower. he's solely there to free alt.

johnny and rogue and their team from the atlantis/the aldecaldos are actually hired by morgan blackhand. 

morgan blackhand is the one who plants the nuke, unbeknownst to many members of the team. 

morgan blackhand promptly disappears after this event and no one knows if he's alive or dead. (claire confirms this fact to jackie and v before the heist in 2077 canon)

johnny's silver cybernetic arm is its own character, separate from himself. it seems to have a mind of its own and johnny interacts with it and/or is influenced by it.

when he, spider murphy, rogue, thompson, shaitan, and a team of los lobos from the aldecaldos (who are there in place of santiago, as he’s busy as the leader of the aldecaldos at this point) are attacked by adam smasher, johnny and his arm actively choose to draw smasher's fire in a deliberately suicidal move. smasher downs him instantly, but the distraction is enough to also save his friends.

spider murphy shoves a mysterious chip in johnny's dying head as they escape that alt had downloaded to her a long time ago.

johnny's body is later "rumoured" to have been retrieved from the rubble by a full-body borg groupie that was a first responder to the ground zero of AHQ and then hidden away in a nearby garage.

here comes the political lore that makes my eyes cross, so hopefully this accurately summarizes it: the 4th corporate war begins to end. arasaka is ultimately blamed by the NUSA government to have nuked themselves in a political move to protect their secrets and promptly banished from the USA. arasaka denies this all the way back to japan, then eventually returns to “liberate” night city in the unification wars.

but what the public doesn't know is that kei, saburo's oldest son, had actually hidden an EVEN BIGGER MORE DEVASTATING NUKE at the bottom of the tower to, well, do exactly what they were being accused of doing, even though blackhand was the one who actually dropped the smaller nuke on them. and luckily the bigger one didn’t go off.

arasaka tries to find their nuke in the rubble so they don't get in even bigger trouble, only to discover that it was moved and hidden away to... surprise! a nearby garage.

to compare with 2077:

in RED: we have no johnny loading the nukes into the elevator. no johnny being carried off the premises. no meeting saburo. no johnny getting soulkilled.

in 2077: there's a parallel moment to RED's version of events right after johnny uploads "liberator" from alt's old cyberdeck with spider's help into the arasaka mainframe in saburo's office. adam smasher comes for him as he's trying to escape, knocking him off the second floor of the atrium into the rock garden below.

visually this is the same atrium we always meet alt in in cyberspace and also where V meets johnny for the first time. hmmm. meaningful, perhaps.

not unlike what happens in RED, johnny unloads a clip into smasher at that point, but from there the scene instantly cuts to him running to the roof attempting to board the AV with rogue, where smasher shoots him down again. it’s possible johnny actually died to smasher in the atrium and we have some fabricated memories going on. 

either way, in 2077, we lose the character beat of johnny dying for his friends, and the current-day general consensus from rogue and others is that he’s perpetually a selfish asshole with ulterior motives. 

and, just to wrap up the politics of it all: morgan blackhand is rumoured to have been secretly hired by the militech-backed NUSA government to help end the 4th corporate war by... you guessed it! nuking arasaka.

HERE'S WHERE JOHNNY'S BODY ENDS UP IN CYBERPUNK RED (SPARKNOTES VERSION):

RED ends with a story called "black dog" set in 2045. black dog is the last song johnny recorded right before the assault on arasaka tower, but the final copy is a bootleg copy of the song and only a fraction.

we're introduced to a fun group of cybernetic-enhanced characters that represent the classes in the TTRPG and based on/designed by real people in collaboration with CDPR.

this group includes trace santiago, santiago's son, who is a media that is curious about the mystery surrounding the circumstances around his father and the arasaka bombing. 

just connecting lore here: if you talk to saul at the aldecaldo camp in 2077, he confirms that santiago was killed for his involvement with johnny and the bombing, something that rogue and johnny reference when they talk about their now-dead crew from the afterlife, and in chippin in, santiago is a friend that johnny lists as someone he had disappointed.

the group sets off to find any info about black dog, and meet up with a full conversion chrome woman named samantha in a garage who is blatantly a johnny silverhand fangirl. trace discovers she has a history with johnny, having rescued him from a studio fire at some point in 2015 and speculates she could have been a groupie also.

she mysteriously has a more complete recording of black dog, though not perfect, and offers to trade it for a service: she wants the group to transport a large crate to a facility in new mexico, asking them not to open it.

shit goes down. evidently everyone in night city wants to kill them for this package once it starts moving. eventually they open it. it's the arasaka nuke that had been hidden and never went off, emblazoned with warnings.

trace inquires about the circumstances surrounding the arasaka assault with an older member of the lobos who had been present with rogue and johnny. the man mentions that it was weird, because morgan blackhand organized the whole thing and then ran off immediately with a mysterious bag that we now know contained the nuke. 

michiko arasaka intercepts the gang, explaining the situation around the bigger nuke, that other factions in arasaka want to utilize it for their own goals (presumably hanako and yorinobu) and her father's legacy, that she feels responsible for. she escorts them to new mexico so that the nuke can be dismantled once and for all.

they meet up with a woman named angel in new mexico that takes the crate from them, at a facility that specializes in nuclear material. she gives the group the full recording of "black dog". the group leaves successful.

this woman is also a johnny silverhand stan. once alone, she calls up samantha, who says, "i promised i would get him to you in the end" and reveals that she had already gutted/dismantled the original nuke and discarded the material into the bay.

angel opens the "nuke" to reveal a hidden cryochamber, and greets the face of the person inside with, "hello, my love."

i mean, holy shit. okay! so that’s DEFINITELY johnny’s body. cool!

now let’s go into all the references to this story in the actual game of cyberpunk 2077 that SUGGEST we are going to pursue this story AND johnny's body since it’s such a HOT FUCKING TOPIC. 

and i know many of the following can just be considered easter eggs. but my personal interpretation of this game is that it has a really delightful way of intentionally glossing over important story details—and not by ONLY putting them in shards (which people tend to dislike because lol reading) but by also hiding them in plain sight, constantly deferring to V's own ignorance, distracting us with shallower, shinier things, encouraging us to actually play as the fool hero of this story. 

so here's the fun list of “””evidence”””:

this one’s a reach, but fun. in the initial arasaka assault flashback in 2023: we can interact with the groupies at kerry's show as johnny. samantha doesn't appear to be present, but the first person and groupie you can encounter in the flashback has a passing resemblance to angel in that she has a cybernetic arm.

in chippin' in, where we go to johnny's "grave" in the oil fields: if we are to take the 2077 retelling of events as truth, the story could instead be pretty easily be changed that samantha procured his body from there.

mike pondsmith, who wrote these stories and created the TTRPG can be heard on the radio narrating various conspiracy theories. and sure, these can just be easter eggs, intended to reference the differences between the TTRPG lore and the game, so take it with a grain of salt:

johnny. bro. tell him it was morgan blackhand

to top it all off, mike also directly references the actual WORSE nuke arasaka had hid in another arasaka conspiracy: 

SPOILERS FOR GAME ENDINGS AHEAD.

in the rogue ending of the game we discover rogue has a son. it's possible her son is trace (edit: nvm NOT LIKELY, since in RED’s black dog story rogue is listed separately from santiago’s mom in conversation) OR possibly one of the other characters. she tells her son to "pull over and look at the stars" or something along those lines. maybe just details, so that screams nomad to me.

rogue also has a photo of herself and johnny with mike pondsmith in her apartment/office in the afterlife. i initially read this as a delightful cameo but it also can mean mike the CHARACTER knew johnny and rogue, and rogue therefore has some kind of relationship to him and these conspiracies on the radio. and why the fuck not make him a full on character? we have a smattering of streamers and personalities already integrated into quests in the game. the creator of all this should be no exception. fuck it! 

rogue and johnny constantly dance around this accusation of her “selling out”. it’s repeated over and over that she and adam smasher worked for "the same people". i'm beginning to wonder if this wasn't meant to imply only arasaka since smasher mysteriously disappeared after the AHQ assault in 2023 and returned to SOMETIMES take jobs from arasaka... but possibly morgan blackhand and/or by extension, the NUSA or any other greater influences. (like nightcorp? we still don’t know where all this shit with nightcorp/the peralezes/sandra dorsett’s discovery about their research into mind control is gonna go) this also doesn’t account for the multiple factions inside arasaka with VERY different motives. 

morgan blackhand and adam smasher are rivals in the TTRPG, a role that appears to be at least partially filled by johnny instead in 2077. in relation to the arasaka factions, it’s worth nothing that smasher specifically works for yorinobu as his bodyguard at the beginning of the game, in part i assume because yorinobu is avoiding working with arasaka security details as he stole the relic and is plotting against his father. he is then promoted to head of security by yorinobu when yorinobu assumes power. 

in the ending as you work your way through arasaka tower with rogue and shaitan and johnny, rogue remarks:

michiko at this point in 2077 is the leader of the more “liberal” faction within arasaka, so it’s possible we’re seeing that while rogue and smasher work for the same people/family, they couldn’t be more different. 

you can also encounter rogue more than once on the phone fighting with wakako, who has apparently crossed her. wakako also seems to have her own ulterior motives and works mainly with the arasaka-backed tyger claws. she notably gives v/takemura the parade security info for “play it safe” without asking for anything in return, enabling hanako’s kidnapping. my theory is that yorinobu intentionally leaked the parade info to her to give away to put hanako in danger or at least continue to destabilize arasaka. 

in the takemura/devil ending of the game, there is a point where violence breaks out at the arasaka board room meeting when yorinobu-allied security open fire on them. one of the only people that survives along with hanako is michiko arasaka, who was at odds with hanako’s decisions, but  very involved in the preceding discussion.

and now for is my favorite detail! in the afterlife AT ALL POINTS IN THE GAME (but it can only really be inspected in the rogue ending when we are allowed behind the bar), we can find a photo of the squad that transported johnny's body from samantha to angel on the shelf below johnny's tequila, of them hanging out in front of the afterlife sign:  

this implies rogue has some relationship with them, and sentimentality, if we're to judge by the placement. she maybe even took the picture. i don't know, it's charming, it could be all easter eggs. who fucking knows.

either way, rogue and these kids both have in common that they worked with or at least interacted with michiko arasaka. 

and you know what my final evidence is? more wishful thinking! black dog plays on the radio in game. we got a full recorded version of it by refused. if not an oversight, i go ahead and take it to mean the final version was finally released to the public by those kids that were looking for it. 

i haven’t the slightest idea how this is gonna wrap up in future DLC. who has johnny’s body now in 2077, decades after it was dropped off in mexico? what is the truth?? where the fuck is morgan blackhand?? from the devil ending, we know that arasaka stole jackie’s body and put his soul into mikoshi, so the idea that they would just toss johnny’s corpse has always been laughable. the “where’s johnny?” promotional comic was even about thompson unsuccessfully trying to find johnny’s body. i know i am biased here but i cannot fathom all this talk about johnny’s body ending off with us NOT finding it, whether it’s just to bury it, shove johnny’s engram back in it, make out with it, or WHATEVER.

if you made it through this slog, congrats. thanks for reading! 

[thoriffix]

hows the tma entity survey going?

oh yeah! i might as well post the results now (if anyone hasnt taken it and fancies it its here (hope that link works))

it was genuinely really interesting to see! maybe im just a nerd but i like seeing where the spread is

this was the first question which the spiral won! not by much, the eye isnt far behind it, but it kinda makes sense, everyone here is mentally ill or simps for the distortion

the hunt, the dark and the extinction didnt get a single answer for this! i expected that w the extinction and also w the dark to an extent but the hunt is kinda surprising :0

second one was a MUCH bigger lead for the winners lol but the spiral wins out again! the stranger was winning for a while (thats my answer too) and it didnt end up far behind

but even more interestingly (to me at least) nobody answered the corruption, the dark or the desolation :0 fukcin rip jane prentiss no one wants to hear her 😔 /j

i think this one is the only graph where every single entity got an answer, and ironically corruption won out (maybe it scares people too much to enjoy hearing the statements lmao), followed closely by lonely and flesh! tbh i expected this one to be pretty varied, but its still fun to see!

the next one was the avatar popularity polls, and google displays the answers very poorly, so i decided to just tally up the most common answers myself

so in keeping with the spiral popularity, michael and helen absolutely shot ahead, followed by jon and oliver! there were loads of answers for this one: jude perry, manuela dominguez, gerry keay, mike crew, generally just a pretty big range of avatars which again i was pretty much expecting theres a lot to choose from lol (also shoutout to the person who called trevor herbert a gilf)

the next one was abt favourite statement! there didn't seem to be any standout winners, but i did notice peoples favs tended to be either very early on (like the first half of s1), or in season 5, which was a fun pattern - also just like, plot heavy/important eps? (another shoutout to the person who said desecrated host was several entities gangbanging a priest. thanks)

the next one was about reasoning, which im not gonna share bc there were a lot of them and they were all different and im tired, but there were a lot of interesting ones! personal favourite was "i love big pig" i hope big pig person is doing well

and then, the most important question

whoever said no, im coming to eat you /j

so that was the poll! if i get enough answers to change it dramatically ill probably post it again but for now thats the results

conclusion: spiral is the most popular by a long shot but its not actually the scariest, i think everyone just simps for the distortion and/or relates to it. i expected more martin kinnies. nobody likes the dark and like one person is scared of it. some people here are cowards who wouldn't punch elias. and most of all: i love big pig

[remmushound]

Beyond the Bay chapter 4: Dinosaurs seen in sewers!

Commander Mozar hated everything about this planet. From the thick green foliage disrupting the simple gray of the city’s landscape to the sweet taste of the air, everything about this planet reeked of inhospitality. He thought such a cold place should be nothing more than a snowy wasteland, like some of the other planets his kind had tried to lay claim to that experienced similar temperature. This planet wasn’t one of those; it was crawling with Federation scum, and under the very feet of these knockoffs were vermin at considerable numbers. The entire settlement seemed to be infested and he wouldn’t be surprised if the entire world had similar plagues. Filthy, lower life-forms spreading disease and devouring food that could be used to feed the higher life forms that dominated the savage landscape; perhaps it would make sense for some of them to be spared for the purpose of farming if these aliens were omnivorous, but there were far too many here, and far too small to be practical for hunting! He failed to see how these hominids, as his scanners reported them, had yet to destroy such creatures. Then again, they weren’t a very advanced race compared to his .

The commander snorted and shook his head, giving a bellow to call his soldiers to his side. The Prime Leader had made it clear that they should at least try to stay out of sight; they didn't want another potential enemy on their hands. Mozar didn't understand the command; these hominids were obviously no threat to them. They had hardly even gotten out of their backyard as far as space travel went, and they had no claws or fangs. They were incredibly small, and slow, and clumsy. Still, the Prime Leader knew best and Commander Mozar made every attempt to be as silent as possible during their harvest of the rare and precious element that this planet harbored.

While Zark and Zeno took up their posts on either side of the long stone pathway, pinned between two large structures, Zog and Traximus took their positions over the manhole. From his shoulders, Zog pulled out a metal carver, holding onto one of the handles while Traximus gripped the other. The power of both bull triceratons was enough to crack the stone beneath them, forcing the blades into the earth, and together they started to turn the wheel at a slow pace to slice through rock and metal. A solid clank told them of their success, and they lifted both machine and stone from the earth to reveal a new, much more suitable entrance for them. They tossed the stone aside and Zog returned the carver to its place on his back.

Traximus opened his mouth, drawing in a deep breath of the terra’s sweet air and the putrid odor coming from the hidden tunnel they had just revealed.

“It stinks of rot and waste in there.” He reported to his commander with a low rumble.

“Then breath through your nose, Traximus.” Was Commander Mozar’s response. Another deep chuff called Zark and Zeno to rejoin the herd. After Commander Mozar leaped down into the tunnel, sinking knee-deep into the waste below, the rest of his unit were quick to follow.

Traximus groaned and readjusted the mask over his nose, taking a deep, slow breath of the familiar, homely burn of his world’s atmosphere. His chest refused to work as well with the pressured gravity of the terra planet, his breath much shallower than what his body would prefer. He couldn’t wait to return to the mothership, where he could breathe and move again without the weight of his body pushing down so hard.

Zeno offered his locator panel to their commander, who snatched the piece of tech from the technician's hand and scrutinized it with narrowed eyes. He flipped the panel from left to right, tilting his head before holding the panel by its corner, dangling it precariously.

“What is this? This makes no sense!”

“Uh, commander?” Zeno said lowly, then reached forward to flip the tech so it was facing the right way. “Look at it like this.”

“I knew that!” The commander snarled, and then it faded into a rumble as he looked over the map. “I was just testing you.”

A whip of his tail was all it took to call his crew into position to follow after him, deeper into the dark tunnel.

~~~

It was like a crash of lightning in his mind slashed through the fog and make Mikey sit upright. He immediately had regrets as the sudden movements brought him to almost keel over, choking smog in his throat stopping any breath that tried to force its way through. Something was wrong. Something was wrong and something was coming and he had to run or that something would find him and take him away. But how could he run when his body was made of lead? When his legs had no feeling other than an intense burning that hardly mattered compared to the fire that had surely swallowed his right arm. He didn't care. Even if he had to crawl, he would find some escape from the danger heading his way.

Mikey forced his body to stand— and then immediately fell as his legs gave out on him. The impact seemed to slam his senses back into his body, first in a numb sting and then in throbs that seared through shell and flesh in turn. The bang had also served to make Donnie jolt up, hand snagging his bo and holding it out in a defensive position during the seconds it took him to stand at attention. He looked left first, then right, then down. Only when he saw Mikey on the ground did he drop his defensive stance, muttering a loud swear as he fell to his knees to help lift Mikey into a sitting position. At first, Mikey resisted the touch that he immediately assumed to be from the bad he was trying to escape. When he recognized the hands, the voice, the mutant helping him, he didn't fight any more.

“Dee…” Mikey whined.

“I got you Mike. Here, up we get.” Donnie wrapped his arms around Mikey’s middle to lift the turtle back up and onto his bed. He made sure to push Mikey as far back as the cot allowed so the box turtle was supported against the wall. “What happened?”

“I fell.” Mikey grumbled; he was grateful for the help but now there was a hammering on the inside of his skull that refused to leave him alone.

“Yeah, kinda guessed that much.” Donnie immediately started to tend to the slightly-bleeding gash on Mikey’s forehead, dabbing it with a rag as he worked to clean it.

“We have to go, Dee.” Mikey said, trying to swipe Donnie’s hand away. Donnie simply ignored his brother’s attempts to remove him.

“Go?” Donnie indulged steadily, eyes focused on his work, “Go where, Mikey?”

“Uh… dunno.” Mikey said. The words were heavy on his tongue and came out weird, and he didn't like it. He frowned and reached his hand up, the left one that wasn’t so stiff, to touch his mouth and lips. They felt normal. Why was it so hard to talk then?

“Well how can we go if we don’t know where we’re going?” Donnie asked, offering a sly smile to the younger turtle while making a mental note of the speech deficit.

Mikey gulped, but didn't respond. It didn't take long for Donnie to finish cleaning and patching Mikey’s head wound before trying to guide Mikey to lay back down. Once more, Mikey immediately resisted and started to push and struggle against the taller mutant while Donnie calmly and patiently continued to position Mikey down on his carapace.

“No no no no no…”

“Easy, Mike.” Donnie made quick, shushing sounds, “You’re okay…”

“No no no no, we haft to go Dee, we haft to…”

Eventually, Donnie’s persistence won and he was able to lay Mikey down in the cot, pulling the blankets over him and fluffing out the pillow like he knew his baby brother loved. It concerned him when Mikey only whimpered, but he said nothing of it. He planted a kiss on Mikey’s forehead and then went to return to his desk, resigned to the fact he wouldn’t be getting much more sleep.

His resignation proved true on multiple levels. The minute he sat down, his fingers hovering over the keyboard ready to input the code, he was nearly knocked out of his seat by a blaring alarm.

“Woah woah woah— what?” Donnie was back to his feet quickly, the sudden, jarring beeping reverberating in his head in a way he just knew would cause a headache later in the day. He worked quickly, the habit of thinking out loud hitting him hard as he rushed to complete his task. “Breach in the fan room… camera’s camera’s camera’s… woah.”

The curtains were practically ripped down as Raph and Leo came busting in, hands on their weapons and back to back with each other so they had eyes on both sides.

“Donnie, what happened?” Leo demanded.

“B… breach in the fan room.” Donnie repeated, motioning to the screen. Leo’s voice sounded like it was on the other side of a great canyon, the distant words echoing and slowly getting closer and louder. Donnie’s mouth was like sand, words like daggers slicing his tongue. “Enemies approaching.”

Leo shouldered his way past, leaning closer to the cameras presented on the screen as he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. At first, they could have very easily been mistaken for rhinos; these ones would have been far bigger than Rocksteady, and there were far more of them. A closer look on a different display screen showed a front view, revealing three horns instead of two.

“Is that a fucking dinosaur?” Raph’s words were more surprise than anything else, eyes wide and growing wider by the second.

They were dinosaurs! At least, Leo was almost sure they were. It was hard to tell just how big they might have been, but they definitely weren’t small. They each had three horns, two on their heads just in front of their frills and one on their nose; beneath their nose horn were masks that covered their nostrils, feeding back into a massive amount of tech on their backs. All but one of them were a vibrant orange with disrupting patterns of red and yellow markings; the outlier was a dark red and in the lead, so Leo immediately singled him out as a potential leader.

The earth beneath their feet started to tremble like a train was going by, enough to disrupt some of the artifacts on Donnie’s shelf and make a few of them fall; Donnie made a dive to catch every last one of them before they could hit the ground. The dinosaurs in the cameras reached the fan blades, the last defense separating them from the lair, and they shredded right through without stopping. Leo wanted to swear, but he held his tongue, his grip on both katana tightening as his body tensed for a battle.

Raph growled and shook his head, moving against Mikey’s cot and standing like an unmovable wall in front of it, watching the fan room tunnel as if daring the attackers to come anywhere near his brothers. The attackers, it seemed, accepted his dare as the five of them flooded out of the tunnels and into the open lair.

@brightlotusmoon @selfindulgenz @scentedcandlecryptid @digitl-art-monstr @ilo-artistry

[creativitycache]

I kind of want J&M to meet another Eye Avatar. The only other Eye Avatar On's met has been Elias, and he is vastly different due to his Failed Ritual powers. Would they be as untethered in the Apocalypse as Jon? Or would they have domains they're unable to leave? That would be interesting, considering the Eye oversees everything, everything is performed for its hunger and is its domain. Maybe, if other Eye Avatars are in domains, that would support your "This was the Web's Ritual" theory

-------

I NEED TO SEE OTHER EYE AVATARS.

Look, I think it’s no coincidence that Jon didn’t find many Eye statements. He had to actively force himself to pick up files that seemed to supernaturally slide out his attention.

Now that sounds very Web like to me, but pre my Web theories and just doodlebop listening around I wondered if the Eye had a consciousness and there was a reason it didn’t like to focus on Eye statements.

I thought it was because refeeding on Beholding trauma might be like eating leftovers, yeah it’ll do but if you’ve got a nice fresh meal it’s not as appetizing.

For laughs I’d tell myself the Eye wouldn’t direct Jon’s attention to Eye statements because it wanted Jon to like it.

Post realizing what the Web was, it seemed to me like the Web was intentionally avoiding allowing Jon to realize just how monstrous the Eye was. Out of all the Powers, the Eye has the second most “justifiable” entry level. You’re just looking. You’re just trying to find out the truth! How could you really be hurting anyone?

(The other Entity that traps people that was the Hunt, the justification there being “I’m making the world better! I’m killing monsters!” which then turns into “I’m killing the bad guys!” which then turns into “I’m killing people”)

We didn’t see any other Eye avatars. We saw the one woman in Beijing, but not if she even was an avatar. We heard about the Beijing and Washington organizations, but we never followed Jon inside.

Could it be that whatever is fueling the tape recorders considers that “boring”? It’s something the Eye already knows. But then again, the Eye knew lots about the Magnus Institute and the tape recorders still popped up when Jon interacted with those assistants.

Anyways going back to your point anon, the fact we haven’t seen ANY Eye Avatars in the real world means we won’t be able to do a full compare and contrast if we ever see them now.

And, do we know for a fact the Avatars are tied to their domains? Or do they just not have a particularly strong reason to leave? This is all pretty new, it makes sense they’d like to stay put and play around rather than wander over to the neighbors for a chat. Do they even want to see other Avatars or domains?

Ironically enough, Jude Perry was the most friendly of the Avatars to other alignments. She was friends with Nikola and Mike Crew.

Elias was a business partner with the Lonely and the Vast, and the Lonely and the Vast would often times have joint partnerships. But Jude was the only one who hung out with other Avatars, that we saw. She was straight chilling with Nikola when that poor plumber came back a second time. I bet that ease of networking helped her a great deal when she was a business woman.

Anyways ANYWAYS, all of this is to say:

-We have a history of something steering Jon away from Eye related statements

-We haven’t come across a single Eye domain, but we’ve passed multiple Corruption ones, and a few domains with tinges of Fleshliness

-Actually, we’ve hit EVERY single Entity, even the Extinction. Oh my god, I hadn’t realized until now.

-The ONLY one missing is the Eye

- We have 18 eps left.

-Jon stated he and Martin were traveling towards “his” domain, gesturing towards the Panopticon.

-We saw Martin almost get stuck in the Lonely domain.

-I doubt they’re going to have us go into an Eye domain, if only for the worry of Jon getting stuck. But it wouldn’t be “his” anyways.

-(Elias Jon is coming for your tower)

-Actually...with Elias in a blind spot, how do we even know he’s in the Panopticon?

-He could be trapped below it, in the twisted ruins of the Institute, in a blind spot possibly of his or the Web’s making

-LEAVING THE THRONE AT THE PANOPTICON EMPTY BUT FOR HIS SIGHTLESS HUSK

-JON DON’T SIT ON THAT. DO NOT PUSH JONAH MAGNUS’S CORPSE THE GROUND AND SIT ON IT, YOUR BOOT HEELS UPON HIS SIGHTLESS SKULL.

TL;DR: I think we’re going to be thwarted from more Eye domains to focus on the interpersonal drama at the Panopticon. OR I’m incredibly wrong and a majority of the domains going forward will be Eye domains...hmmmm....ok I’m hedging my bets and saying:

1. We will get a New Eye Domain, and it will be the only other spoken role. Either that means the woman from Beijing, or Basira.

2. We still need to deal with Helen, the Web, Basira, Georgie & Melanie, and the Panopticon. We will deal with all of the others, THEN we get to the Panopticon, THEN surprise surprise the last episode is a Web episode that explains the whole plot/trap and crushes our hearts

No I’m not hyperfixating because my boss is on vacation and gave me no work, why do you ask?

[srbachchan]

DAY 4373(i)

ChitrPnag, Mumbai             Feb 27,  2020            Thu 11:09 am

.. and on the sets they give me time .. to change my costume after having done 4 shots already .. I do .. report back on set .. they are not ready they say .. send me back .. good I think .. shall use this time to complete incomplete work ..

.. how technology has changed over the 50 years of my working in this film world .. 

the Director was right next to the camera, as you performed and related to you immediately .. now they sit miles away in a separate room or cabin , watching through monitors what the actor is doing , giving instructions on a mike .. !

.. that 3 monitors for the Director of the 3 cameras running at the same time .. different lenses and projections .. but yes he sits away from the action .. that feel of his presence has gone .. we now have the advantage of being able to see immediately the shot we have given .. 

.. my time .. no such thing ..  and damned if you asked to show the frame in the camera .. reprimanded if you did .. more .. feed the entire crew for looking into the lens as a punishment  .. 

... never got to see any shot until it was processed in the Film Lab, and sent to the Editing Room for its edit .. 

.. enter the edit room .. ?

.. forget it .. not allowed even a mile away from it .. 

.. we only saw the final film on the day of its release in a theatre of its release .. nothing more ..

..

the 4th monitor that is seen in the picture is one of the monitors of the DOP .. the Director of Photography .. this particular one is the monitor for the camera mounted on a crane of Jib - one that moves distances , 20′-30′ feet at times .. operated by a whole group of operators with head sets on .. they are spoken to by the DOP of the crane camera .. he tells them when to move the Jib or Crane .. 

.. there are other monitors too .. the hand held camera has a monitor so he knows and sees where he is moving .. his movement is also seen by the master monitor room where the Director sits so he can see what is going on .. 

.. then there are smaller monitors with the assistants who monitor continuity of dress hair, hand feet actions .. etc..

.. there is the dialogue monitor AD, who sees whether the dialogue is being correctly said .. has a small iPad and comes politely to tell you ‘you are a useless actor, you messed up the lines’ .. or words to that effect .. he doesn’t actually say this .. but his facial expression is in consonance with what you just read as his speak ..

NO .. this is not a change of costume .. I mean it is , but not for the film .. 

I need to attend an Akhand Paath, in the Gurdwaara , for the passing away of a friend’s relation .. so I remove all the prosthetics of film Brahmastra .. change suitably for the Sikh Gurdwaara .. head covered, bended knees, ‘mattha teka’ in front of the the Divine Granth Saheb .. listened to the Paath till its end , sung melodiously by the select granthis .. and then after a few hours .. back to the work ..

... into the make up and prosthetics again .. and on set ..

.. earnestly intently taking instructions from the Director , the Captain the Boss .. ad on with it ..

.... monitor mania ..

... work out every move several times with the artist with the DOp with the camera operator .. 

.. no one is a looker on , even if they seem so .. they all have work assigned to them .. al interconnected with ‘walkies’ .. er thats walki talki .. speaking yelling instructions to each other and often to the artists as well ..

IT IS A FASCINATING WORLD .. HOURS AND HOURS OF LABOR , DAYS AND YEARS OF PREP AND PRESENTATION .. IN ALL KINDS OF CONDITIONS ..

released .. in 2 hrs verdict out .. ehheeennnehhgaaaraaa jjjnerahsqouu @#$%^&* .. what ever ..

SO .. 

done this .. done the paper work of office , semi in the driving in semi now .. done the social media and posting .. changed the Dongle because the other one was giving trouble .. its an exercise .. opening the packing , needing a cutter to open the box, searching through the diligently packed packaging of the parts .. reading up the instructions .. starting to open the back to get the Password .. back does not open fluently with finger nails - you need to grow them for that .. so what get a screwdriver .. screwdriver screwdriver screwdriver .. ok found one in a multiple Swiss Knife contraption .. now they do a more complicated efficient one on Amazon .. open the lid of the back .. take a phone camera and tale a picture of the Password written on the back of the inside of the outside .. its so small and visibly complicated to remember - they always are .. save the number of the Notes file App of the phone , before it gets lost in the cranium .. title it .. delete the previous Dongle details .. just in case you start printing the wrong password when it asks as you travel beyond the WiFi of the home .. 

.. ok then .. intricate session with removing the Sim form the old Dongle and inserting it in the new one .. its a PROCEDURE .. because .. the Sim in the old Dongle is under another flap, slid inside a metal designed strip with that ‘broken edge’ one end, so you know how to match the insertion .. but insertion later , first get the SIM out .. it does not just slip out , with the nails or the tips of the fingers as you rub against its semi protruded end .. it needs a .. a .. a .. pincer .. 

... ok pincer pincer pincer .. Amazon contraption does not have one .. I mean it does have one but its for pulling teeth out .. no not this ... pincer pincer .. ahh ..

.. plucker .. eye brow plucker .. yes that is the one .. so where .. where to procure one .. ahhh .. make up lady .. YES .. she has it .. it comes .. the flap is thrust open the flap under which the Sim hides is lifted .. AND .. OH ..

.. the Sim is out on its own in the fresh semi polluted air of the Van .. drops into the palm .. the surprise it has caused , give a shake to the palm and .. YES .. its dropped to the floor ..

.. HAS ANYONE EVER REALISED HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO FIND A DONGLE SIM CARD ON THE FLOOR OF A VAN WHOSE FLOOR DESIGNING, RESEMBLES THE MULTITUDINOUS TECH DESIGNING OF ‘A CHIP’ .. !!

.. any way several sweeping acts later with palm hand and phone camera lit torch .. it has been recovered .. and with another intricate procedure, pushed where it should be ..

.. the battery is place back .. making sure the 3 golden points match the 3 golden points of the body of the Dongle .. slid in .. closed .. and the lid .. the damn lid that took contraption to open .. plays up again .. each corner must click into position .. but it does not close .. 

.. a hundred different attempts .. .. then ..

.. finally .. brain wave ..

.. the old Dongle lid and push it here ..

.. I tell you I am such a genius ..

..IT WORKS ..

the configuration is in place the .. the triangle bars on the mac show up .. and this BLOG is now complete  ..

ONLY .. once I press the send button shall I know whether Mr D .. is working or not ..

Love

Amitabh Bachchan

[aion-rsa]

Monsters at Work Review (Spoiler-Free)

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This Monsters at Work review contains no spoilers.

Disney+ launched with the promise of bringing many adored Disney franchises to the small screen, but with big picture ambition, storytelling, and production values. So far, that promise has mostly been met, with the Disney+ original series like Mighty Ducks: Game Changers and The Falcon and the Winter Soldier feeling like stretched out features diced into episodic instalments. However, Monsters at Work, Disney+’s new sequel series to Pixar’s Monsters, Inc., feels more like traditional television than a “X-hour movie,” for better or worse.

Monsters at Work takes place immediately following 2001’s Monsters, Inc. After Mike (Billy Crystal) and Sully (John Goodman) discover that laughter generates ten times more power for the Monstropolis power plant than screams, Mike and Sully are put in charge. and tasked with helping the company transition from an organization of scarers to jokesters. 

Meanwhile, recent Monsters University graduate Tylor Tuskmon (Ben Feldman) arrives at Monsters, Inc. as the top scarer in his class, but finds that his skillset doesn’t fit in with Monsters Inc.’s new corporate culture. He’s assigned to the MIFT (the Monsters, Inc. Facilities Team) crew, a misfit group of monsters comprised of warm leader Fritz (Henry Winkler), over-enthusiastic Val (Mindy Kaling), down to business Cutter (Alanna Ubach), and threatened brown-noser Duncan (Lucas Neff). Tylor is torn between pursuing his dream of getting on the scare floor or falling in with his new whacky work family.

Despite a talented and more-than-game voice cast, Monsters at Work feels more like the TV spinoffs of popular Disney movies of yesteryear that used to populate the Disney Channel more than a proper extension of the Pixar property. This makes sense considering Pixar is not involved with Monsters at Work and the show is produced by Disney Television Animation and overseen by Bobs Gannaway, who previously worked on shows like Timon & Pumbaa, Lilo & Stitch: The Series, and The Emperor’s New School. The new series looks cheaper than its predecessors and also lacks the sharp writing. While children may find more to laugh at, the average adult viewer will be charmed by, but not laughing at anything much in Monsters at Work.

Another thing that takes some of the excitement away from Monsters at Work is our familiarity with the Monsters Universe. After two films, the wacky character designs and world-building feel familiar and therefore are less likely to surprise. However, exploring the unsung heroes of Monsters,Inc., the maintenance folks and other day-to-day operational players is an intriguing idea with room for growth. In the two episodes screened for critics, it does appear that the show is presenting the idea that college isn’t the only path to a fulfilling and meaningful career, which feels wildly different for kid’s entertainment and a welcome, necessary message. 

Monsters at Work also looks like it will have fun playing with tropes of workplace comedies, taking aim at institutional businesses during transition. Anyone that has been through a company merger or a “culture reset” can find something recognizable in Mike and Sully’s struggle to redefine what Monsters, Inc. is. There’s also some lighthearted jabs at workplace burnout that are fun to see.

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Monsters at Work does not feel like a genuine article sequel to Monster,s Inc. or even a “X hour movie,” but it doesn’t necessarily need to. While the writing is a bit underwhelming, every comedy series needs some time to gain footing. Monsters at Work will have to do more to surprise audiences who are already familiar with this world, but by looking at the unsung heroes of the workplace, it has an interesting and fruitful avenue to explore and a talented voice cast to really sell the whole enterprise should things really get cooking. Though it isn’t Pixar, it still may end up being something serviceable.

The post Monsters at Work Review (Spoiler-Free) appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[starship-squidlet]

Twelfth Night: Chapter Eleven, Pipers Piping

Summary: Back to work after Christmas! Things are a little tense, but everyone is just ready for the show to end...

Word count: 1,722

Disclaimer: Twelfth Night Preface

Tag list: @the-cowbi @prettyinlimegreenboots @fifty-for-the-racer @aggressive-bucky-barnes-stan (ask to be added/removed!)

A/N: Second to last chapter! This story has flown by so fast... I’m going to post the preface to the next story (The Green Fields of France, which will start posting 1/14 probably) I’m working on either tonight or tomorrow, so if you’re interested in being tagged in that please let me know!!! The sequel to Twelfth Night, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, will becoming at some point towards the end of February/early March, so keep an eye out for that as well!!! (Also coming soon: Space Pirates AU, and the New Music spinoff #2 and sequel!) Feel free to reach out and chat if you’re interested in knowing more about any of those, or if you want to be tagged when they’re posted!!!

Anyways, I hope this chapter isn’t too boring! It’s a lot of exposition and internal monologue because... at this point in a show... that’s about all you feel like doing 😂

Joke of the Day: What’s black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white? A penguin rolling down a hil!!!

Previous chapter: Lords A-Leaping

Next chapter: Drummers Drumming

No-one wanted to go to work on the twenty-sixth. Since Christmas Day had been so drowsy, they’d all had a hard time sleeping that night, so dragging themselves out of bed to get ready for work had been challenging. There was no lack of envy for Will, Alden, and Alan, who didn’t have to be in until two hours later than the others, although they still got up at the same time in a show of solidarity. Jack, Crutchie, and Elaine had to drag themselves down the block to the parking lot, almost completely silent save for the odd yawn or wordless grumble that escaped as they drove to the theatre. Inside, everyone else was just as still and quiet as they were—a “Christmas hangover”, as Race put it.

Jack moved through his pre-show preparations like he was moving through soup. Everything seemed more difficult than it should be, even simple things like rolling the cart-mounted carousel horses across the wagon house or rigging the carnival games. Elaine trudged through the wagon house, dragging the z-rack full of freshly-pressed dress shirts and scowling as the first performers began to arrive and fill the wagon house with their chatter—although even they weren’t as loud as normal. Not that anyone on the crew was complaining about that.

The only group that had even close to its normal level of energy was the child and teenage performers, who burst through the door in small packs, each one its own explosion of noise and color and force. Behind one of the little groups—the one containing one Leslie Jacobs—Jack had to hide a grin at the sight of an utterly exhausted-looking Davey Jacobs. When Davey caught sight of Jack, he perked up and smiled, giving the other man a small wave, before vanishing into the stairwell. A few minutes later, he was back, and sat down next to Jack on the bench by the stage right door with a sigh.

“How was your break?” Jack laughed.

“Well, we kind of crammed everything about Hanukkah—besides the candles; we did those during Hanukkah, but didn’t have time for anything else between working and finals and everything—into the past three days, and spent a lot of time on video chat with our parents. They wanted to come home, but decided it was probably best to just wait until the show closed because a lot of the time a second round of sick goes through in the last week just because everyone’s exhausted.”

“Great,” Jack groaned.

They watched Albert and Elaine walk past and pointedly ignore each other. Both of them arched their eyebrows at the odd interaction—or, rather, lack thereof—and watched the two head their separate directions.

“That was weird,” Davey observed.

“Yeah… I’m not really sure what it’s about. They were fine earlier.” Jack looked around and waved JoJo over. “Hey, what’s up with Albert and Elaine.”

JoJo shrugged. “Who knows. We’re all exhausted. They always fight when they’re tired. It’s probably nothing.”

Before the break, Jack had thought that the final Sunday’s show had been the slowest of the run. He had been wrong. The first show back was the slowest one—literally and figuratively; not only did it feel like it was dragging on, but, upon checking the time on his phone (repeatedly) he realized that was actually taking longer than normal to get through the show.

“Does the music sound slower to you?” he asked Race and Albert at one point as they moved the stage right house into place for a scene.

“Definitely,” Race grumbled.

“Even the band is out of patience with the show,” said Albert.

The second act, despite the high-energy start with the dancing and singing elves, things seemed to get even slower. From Race’s headset, Jack could hear the stage manager complaining about the lack of energy and speed—very loudly—and had to laugh. There was nothing to be done about it, after all.

The second show wasn’t much better, although the tempo picked up a little bit. They were still a few minutes longer than their normal run time, but had halved the amount of time that the day’s first show ran over.

For the rest of the week, things slowly moved closer and closer to normal. Everyone was still quiet and a bit lackluster, but the onstage energy picked up considerably the more shows they did—and the closer to closing they got. No-one ever figured out why Elaine and Albert were mad at each other, and Jack had a sneaking suspicion even the two of them wouldn’t have been able to answer if asked, but they were back to their normal scheming selves in a few days. Jack and Race decided to thank Mike, Ike, and JoJo for that, as another snowball war had been started—although this one was a stealth version that involved sneaking up on people before, after, and between shows; during intermissions; and even during lulls in the shows themselves and snipe-shotting one’s opponent with one of the little stuffed snowballs. Elaine always had a snow-puff in one of her apron pockets, and Albert kept at least one in the cargo pockets of his pants at all times. Jack guessed that Mike, Ike, JoJo, and Romeo—who was drawn into the war a little later—kept them on their persons most of the time as well. He never quite got used to the sight of fist-sized balls of fluff flying past his face in the middle of carrying props across the wagon house, usually followed by a startled yelp.

To everyone’s surprise, Elaine was the best participant in the war, and, when they were scolded by Weisel and called the competition off, she was declared MVP. Despite self-professed bad aim and poor depth perception—which the others could confirm, as other accuracy-based games that were played amongst the crew had illustrated her poor performance in these categories over the past months—she was scarily accurate with the light snow-puffs. It became common for her opponents to be in the middle of a conversation only to have a small ball of fiberfill and faux fur hit them in the back or head and to see a giggling, grinning Elaine dart around a corner or into a stairwell on the far side of the wagon house.

As they counted down to their final show, it was almost like everyone’s breath was held at the same time. The shows started to get faster now, and the protests by the stage manager over headset became pleas to slow down rather than speed up. Even the dancers commented on the increase in tempo, coming off from the tap number and elf sections breathless, sweaty, and laughing. A new energy seemed to be building up amongst both cast and crew, and Jack felt himself getting caught up in it without even noticing, the sort of energy that came with a storm on the horizon, with a wave about to crest in the ocean—with any sort of impending change.

Yet, with that nervous energy came an odd undercurrent of sorrow. As awful as so many of the parts of the show and its run had felt, as draining as the experience had been, as much as Jack wanted to be able to take a few days and just sleep—even though he knew that half of January was packed full of concerts and tours so he wouldn’t be able to do so for long—he was sad to see the show ending. Les Mis hadn’t felt like this, at least not that he could remember. He had felt ambivalent to tear that set apart after the final show, and happy to run his track for the final time. He wasn’t sure if it was because he had spent more time and energy working on the Christmas build, or just because he had grown so much more attached to the people he worked (and lived) with during this run, but he was truly sorry to see it go.

December 29th, 2019 was the second-to-last night of shows. Most of the performers spent more time than usual in the dressing rooms after the show, collecting personal belongings to take home with them. Many of them would be leaving the city or even state the next day, after the final show, heading for jobs at other theatres, as most of them weren’t permanent residents—the exceptions being two of the male singers, along with Alan, Alden, Will, and the show captain—of Santa Fe. One of the kid casts had had their final show the day before and had said tearful goodbyes to the adult cast members, each other, and even some of the crew. Some of them had returned tonight to see some of their friends on the other cast, and another round of tears went through the wagon house. Tonight’s kids cast had laid out their show t-shirts on the wagon house carpet and asked everyone to sign them. To his surprise, even Jack had been asked to sign several, and had reluctantly given in and done so.

Another reason that the ending of the show was particularly bittersweet, for Jack and his roommates, was that Will had told them, a few weeks earlier, that he would be moving back home to London in January, after accepting a job there. Despite jokes about having more space in the apartment and one less person to share the bathroom with, everyone was sad to see him leave, even Jack and Crutchie, despite only having known him for a few months. As the penultimate show drew to a close, Jack couldn’t help but notice Alan, Alden, and Elaine’s misty eyes as they prepared to say goodbye to their long-time friend and partner. He swallowed a lump in his own throat. It would certainly be strange to not hear Will’s accent somehow always discernible through the chatter of the entire cast, or run into him heading for the bathroom in the middle of the night at home. He’d be around for another week before leaving—it wasn’t like he was flying out after the last show, like most of the others, but quite suddenly it felt very much like he was going to be gone before they knew it. Maybe, Jack thought, that the show they had almost felt would go on forever was finally coming to an end…

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 08/05/2021 (Billie Eilish, DJ Khaled)

Whilst this is slightly busier than last week, I am genuinely surprised with how little is actually going on here on this week’s chart, a lot less than I expected or predicted. With that said, the top of the chart is where our biggest story comes from and that is “Body” by Russ Millions and Tion Wayne taking advantage of a weak chart with its star-studded remix and peaking at #1 for its first week, replacing Lil Nas X’s “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name)”. Not only is it the biggest hit for both of these guys and their first #1s, but it’s the first #1 for the entire UK drill genre, which kind of came out of nowhere for me since I think the song’s pretty worthless but with a TikTok challenge and streaming numbers that have even placed it in the American Spotify chart, it’s gearing up to be one of the biggest British rap songs ever. Let’s hope maybe this one doesn’t stall out as badly as “Don’t Rush” outside of the UK. With all that out of the way, let’s start REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

Our only new arrival from last week’s UK Top 75 (which is what I cover), “Come Through” by H.E.R. featuring Chris Brown, is gone on the next off of the debut. Well, at least we have more than one new song this week, as well as some interesting chart nonsense lower down, but also some notable drop-outs for “Mr. Perfectly Fine” by Taylor Swift, “Mercury” by Dave and Kamal., “Lemon Pepper Freestyle” by Drake featuring Rick Ross, “All You Ever Wanted” by Rag’n’Bone Man (which will rebound next week as that album makes its impact) as well as “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles finally making what seems to be its last exit. Our only return is in the form of “Confetti” by Little Mix getting a massive surge back at #15 after its Saweetie remix and the attached music video, though Saweetie doesn’t happen to be credited here.

We do have an interesting selection of gains and losses, as with the notable fallers – dropping five spots or more down the chart – we have “Titanium” by Dave at #23, “Wellerman” by Nathan Evans and remixed by 220 KID and Billen Ted getting ACR’d down to #29 (it had a surprisingly great run), “The Business” by Tiesto having the same happen to it at #32, “We’re Good” by Dua Lipa at #40, “drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo at #43, “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd at #45, “Don’t Play” by Anne-Marie, KSI and Digital Farm Animals at #51, “Calling My Phone” by Lil Tjay and 6LACK hit hard to #54, the same with “Up” by Cardi B at #59, “You” by Regard, Troye Sivan and Tate McRae shaking off the gains #63, “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd at #60, “Heat” by Paul Woolford and Amber Mark at #66, “Solid” by Young Stoner Life, Young Thug and Gunna featuring Drake at #69, “Paradise” by MERDUZA and Dermot Kennedy at #71 and, sadly, “How Does it Feel” by London Grammar at #75.

Where it gets a bit more telling about how the charts are going to adapt into the Summer is in our climbers as we have solid gains for “Another Love” by Tom Odell making another run at #60, “Sunshine (The Light)” by Fat Joe, DJ Khaled and Amorphous inexplicably at #57 and now we get into the top 40 where we have more potential future hits. “Way Too Long” by Nathan Dawe, Anne-Marie and MoStack is at #38, “Don’t You Worry About Me” brings the Bad Boy Chiller Crew their first hit at #37 (although the song is only ever worth hearing for that chorus) and “WITHOUT YOU” by the Kid LAROI returns to the top 40 at #30 thanks to a remix with Miley Cyrus who is again not credited by the Official Charts Company. Boney M. are granted their first new top 20 hit since the 1990s, even if it is just a remix of a song that went #2 in 1978, as Majestic’s remix of “Rasputin” is at #18. Our final gain is for a song first entering the top 10 thanks to the remix with Ariana Grande finally making an impact – yet once again not given the official credit by the OCC – as “Save Your Tears” by the Weeknd makes its way up to #8, becoming his tenth top 10 hit here in Britain. That’s not the only song to first enter the top 10 this week but we’ll get to that in due time with our... odd selection of new arrivals this week.

NEW ARRIVALS

#73 – “EVERY CHANCE I GET” – DJ Khaled featuring Lil Baby and Lil Durk

Produced by DJ Khaled and Tay Keith

Two of our new entries are from DJ Khaled’s most recent album Khaled Khaled, an album much like any Khaled album I found cheap and just dull. This record especially is just mixed horribly, with a budget spent exceedingly on getting big-name features instead of any worthwhile engineers to actually mix and master this 50-minute trainwreck. The album doesn’t have many highlights at all but if I had to choose some they would be the two debuting this week, the first of which is basically a Lil Baby cut, “EVERY CHANCE I GET”, with a verse from Lil Durk. Okay, so, yes, first of all, much like the rest of the record, this mix is compressed and just weak, with bizarre bass mastering and drums that sound like garbage, before we get to Lil Baby himself sounding even froggier than ever. I do think that gives the song part of its charm, though, as with a Tay Keith beat, it’s definitely going for a hardcore, old-school Memphis rap atmosphere, and with Lil Baby’s flow switches disguising paranoid lyrics about the typical gunplay and flexing, it does effectively make a pretty intimidating listen... okay, well, it would, if DJ Khaled didn’t have to pop in to convince Lil Baby to “keep going”. We also get a single verse from Lil Durk here, mixed like he recorded his vocals in his bath to the point where it’s clipping against the bass, but delivering a King Von-esque flow that sounds pretty great, and admittedly more detail than you’d expect. I also love that silly “mmm-mmm” flow he uses at the end. I do wish a song like this, clearly supposed to be menacing, did not have the ludicrous personality void that is DJ Khaled on it, and it’s not like they need Khaled to collaborate together – or with Tay Keith for that matter – so I don’t really see why the dude doesn’t just shut up and promote his albums as compilations instead. I understand it comes from his mixtape days, but if this is going to be a studio album, treat it like one and just be quiet for once.

#72 – “Oblivion” – Royal Blood

Produced by Royal Blood

Royal Blood got the #1 album this week for Typhoons and admittedly, whilst I am interested in this band, I haven’t gotten around to listening to it, so I’ll take this album cut as a preview of what to come. If I am doing that, I hope to be surprised by whatever else that album has in store as I’m not really a fan of this. That eerie choppy guitar loop being immediately crushed by this heavily distorted riff and stiff percussion just does not sound unique or interesting, especially if Mike Kerr is going to sound this soulless. The build towards the chorus feels pretty pathetic and unwarranted, and said chorus is just not catchy, before we get to content about how he knows his fate through how arrogant he’s been and he deserves what’s coming to him. I mean, sure, but there’s nothing that makes it obvious that these guys don’t care about what’s coming to them given the pained vocal delivery and monotonous instrumental. It doesn’t feel exciting, rebellious or whatever emotion this tries and fails to capture, just stiff and staggered in its execution. This does make sense for Royal Blood but seems to me like they’re resting way too heavily on ideas ran through the soil at this point. With all that said, this isn’t bad at all, just not as great as those other singles have been from the record. I think I’d be more forgiving if it didn’t come off as a Queens of the Stone Age tribute act writing “originals” that bomb at their shows.

#56 – “love race” – Machine Gun Kelly featuring Kellin Quinn

Produced by Jeff Peters, Jared Gudstadt and Travis Barker

I guess this might actually be a rock-heavy week – not that I’m complaining about more of a rock presence on the chart but God, I wish it wasn’t coming from MGK. I’ll have some choice words to say about this guy’s last attempt at a pop-rock hit by the end of the year, probably, but at least for this song he brought on someone with some kind of legitimacy. Kellin Quinn is the frontman of post-hardcore band Sleeping with Sirens, one of the most successful bands in their genre but not one unlike others that grew out of the metalcore-infused pop rock to anything more unique or experimental. With that said, Quinn is barely here and other than Travis Barker’s typical explosive drums, MGK is the biggest presence here in his raspy but borderline unlistenable vocal tone that I just can’t stand, especially if it’s going to stretch out “run” as long and as far as he did in that longing, desperate chorus. MGK barely even lets Kellin Quinn have his own verse, registering him as backing vocals throughout the entire song, dampening his vocals that sound a lot more unique and enthused, especially when he starts screaming. That bridge did give me trancecore flashbacks – not that I’m complaining if I’m fully honest – so I’ll admit the part of me that eats up emo-pop garbage did let this grow on me a bit, but, man, without a guitar solo to distract from pretty awful lyrics (not that I’d expect much more from this artist or genre) and without really letting Quinn loose on the vocals, it’s lacking a certain grit and punch I expect from post-hardcore. The song did, however, indirectly remind me of New Found Glory, for which I am thankful for.

#53 – “I DID IT” – DJ Khaled featuring Post Malone, Megan Thee Stallion, Lil Baby and DaBaby

Produced by Ben Billions, Joe Zarrillo, DJ 360, Tay Keith and DJ Khaled

You wouldn’t expect an artist line-up like this to continue this trend of rock in this week’s new arrivals, but you’d be surprised, and personally I’m pretty happy with how much rock seems to be creeping up back into the public consciousness as if there’s one thing I got back in touch with the most over lockdown, it was the rock music I was raised on and it led to me even further appreciating a genre I had kind of lost touch with over the years out of just a lack of interest. With that said, this isn’t a rock song per se, but it does heavily and lazily sample a classic like much of this Khaled album, going for “Layla” by Derek and the Dominos. I’m not going to lie, either, it sets up a pretty effective back-bone for a trap banger about being awesome, especially with those squealing riffs in the chorus. Oh, yeah, and the mixing is horrible as expected, but to be honest to me it does not dampen the boasting, anthemic nature of this track, especially with Post Malone being a perfect choice to croon that infectious chorus. Megan Thee Stallion has a pretty embarrassingly by-the-numbers verse over a switch in the beat that makes it sound oddly stunted, but she does have that swinging rock charisma that people like Lil Baby do not have. With that said, I think I’m at the point where I eat anything Lil Baby says or does, because the flow switches combined with his frog-throat delivery is just impeccable. Content-wise, I think everyone here realises they’re being squashed by the clipping beat as they just go off about complete nonsense that goes in one ear and out the other apart from Lil Baby’s misguided but still pretty funny line about how he contemplated going vegan but sees no point in it because he’s got ten karats in both of his ears. Sure. At least DJ Khaled as something to do as he... harmonises, I guess, with Posty on the chorus. DaBaby is as distant as possible from the microphone to the point where I can barely hear him, not that it matters when his verse is that basic and short. This is kind of a trainwreck in all honesty, but with four choruses and a beat this heavy, it’s hard to be annoyed by it. Overwhelming maybe but these performers are all characters by themselves and throwing them in this three-minute chaos of squealing guitars and trap skitters just fascinates me if anything. Does it count as a posse cut? I don’t know. Either way, this is hilarious.

#5 – “Your Power” – Billie Eilish

Produced by FINNEAS

Decidedly not hilarious is this new single from Billie Eilish looking to be a smash from that upcoming album which now has a track listing and release date, with this functioning as I suppose the true lead single and her seventh top 10 here in the UK. It’s a brave choice too considering the lyrical content which is a pretty scathing attack on her ex-boyfriend and their abusive relationship, making several references to the gap in age and power dynamic that played into something really distressing for the both of them but especially a young, vulnerable Billie Eilish who found herself helpless in this relationship because of that “hero” quickly revealing himself as little more than his projected insecurities. The song’s detailed enough not to detach itself from Billie’s personal struggles but also works as what I suppose is a warning, as it’s retelling a story all too familiar with many girls of her age at the time who end up in these really scary situations. It does help that the song itself is great, relying on these layered acoustic guitars to form some kind of dejected groove behind Eilish’s vocals, whispery and cooing as always but in this case way too loud in the mix for my taste to the point where it kind of takes me out of the song as a whole. With a better master that blends her vocal take a lot better into the guitars, maybe going for a fuzzier, dream-pop angle, could work a lot better but with that said, I do understand the purpose of making it feel this intimate and minimal because Billie’s honest songwriting calls for a delivery like this, even if she ends up sounding shakier or even mumbling at times as a result. This is a big debut for Billie for a song not prepared to do as well as it did given its content and sound that is not exactly radio-friendly and oftentimes requires more heavy of a listen than a pop song would otherwise. I do love that final outro as her humming careens off the gentle guitars with just enough scratch but I do question how abrupt the ending is. Hopefully when the album’s out, we’ll have a bigger picture to as where this single in particular fits in.

Conclusion

With only five new arrivals and not much in the way of anything bad, I guess Worst of the Week goes to “Oblivion” by Royal Blood but giving a Dishonourable Mention would just end up as dishonest. Therefore, Best of the Week goes to Billie Eilish for “Your Power” but – and I cannot believe I am saying this for a 3/10 album with only fluke hits – but DJ Khaled – and Lil Baby for that matter – get a tied Honourable Mention for both of their songs, “EVERY CHANCE THAT I GET” with Lil Durk and “I DID IT” with Post Malone, Megan Thee Stallion and DaBaby. Now to distract from the fact I just did that, here’s this week’s top 10:

I can’t really make any healthy predictions for next week. Maybe we’ll get some songs from Lil Tecca, Rag’n’Bone Man or Bebe Rexha? Maybe we’ll end up with some fluke Weezer smash hit, who knows? Regardless, thank you for reading and I’ll see you next week.

[bubonickitten]

TMA fic: A Resolution

Summary: Jon and Martin leave the Desolation behind and talk about what the hell just happened - and where to go from here.

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

[Spoilers for MAG 169.]

CW: mild self-harm (scratching/hair pulling as a stim); brief dissociation/drdp; discussion of canon-typical trauma.

______________________________________________________

Jon waits until they’re safely beyond the Desolation’s borders, when the cinders no longer fall like snow and the whiff of smoke has faded, before he stops.

 When he does, it’s so abrupt that Martin nearly walks right into him. Jon doesn’t notice. His thoughts feel disjointed and cluttered; his body feels alien to him. Eyes unfocused, he scans the area and gravitates to the first thing that calls out to him – a dead and gnarled tree, its bark charred and charcoal-black. There’s a little hollow, just the perfect size for two people to hide away. He drops his bag unceremoniously to the ground, sending up a little puff of dust and ash, and tucks himself away in the alcove, pulling his knees to his chest and locking his arms around them. The tree is a sturdy presence, tangible and grounding, and he presses himself against it at every point of contact he can manage.

 After a moment, Martin follows. He has the presence of mind to remove his own pack, grab Jon’s bag from the ground, and lean them both neatly against the tree before clambering after Jon. It’s a tight fit for Martin; he has to keep his head ducked, and squeezing in next to Jon has him pressed against the tree on one side and Jon’s body on the other.

 “Sorry,” Martin mumbles, sounding a bit self-conscious. “It’s – I’m a lot bigger than you are.”

 “I like the pressure,” Jon says, leaning into Martin’s side. A full minute passes before he spares a thought for Martin’s comfort and a little pang of shame ripples through him. “Is it uncomfortable for you? We can –”

 “It’s fine,” Martin says. “For the moment, anyway. I’ll let you know when my arm starts falling asleep.”

 Jon nods, but his thoughts are already drifting again. He bites the inside of his cheek, wiggles his toes, and tries to focus on the safe, solid warmth of Martin’s body next to him.

 “Are we going to talk about what just happened, Jon?”

 “I…” Jon shuts his eyes tight and tries to shuffle his thoughts into some semblance of order.

 He isn’t sure how much time passes before he hears Martin’s voice again. It sounds distant and muffled. Unable to process the garbled noise into meaningful words, his attention begins to slide away again, leaving him adrift in his own fuzzy thoughts.  

 Then, Martin makes a grab for his hand and one word comes into focus: “Jon.”

 Jon startles and draws his hands back, hiding them in the folds of his jacket and hugging his sides. It takes a moment for him to register the hurt in Martin’s eyes, but when he does, he feels a twinge of regret.

 “I’m sorry, I don’t know why –” Jon begins, just as Martin says, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to –”

 They both stop simultaneously and Jon nods for Martin to speak.

 “I just wanted to – you were scratching? Your hands.”

 Jon pulls his hands out of hiding and looks. The back of his burned hand does seem a bit irritated, but it doesn’t hurt. It’s not surprising that he didn’t notice the scratching – the scar tissue there never registers much sensation at all.

 As soon as Jon notices Martin looking, he flashes back to their discussion just before entering the Desolation.

  I legitimately hate burns, alright? They’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just – it just makes me sick; I hate it. Hate it.

 Jon wishes he couldn’t remember it with such clarity, but the Archive in him catalogs everything. These days, he can recall most things verbatim – and even when he doesn’t intend to, the Archive does it for him. 

 He pulls his sleeve down to cover his burn and folds his arms against his chest again. 

 “Jon.” Martin, observant as ever, can apparently see right through him. “Give me your hand.”

 Jon can feel the stinging threat of tears in his eyes. He begrudgingly holds out his burned hand and looks away before Martin can notice him tearing up – and so he doesn’t have to watch Martin’s face as he takes in the shiny, gnarled whorls of scar tissue. 

 Martin’s hand is warm and gentle as he laces their fingers together, and without hesitation, he brings Jon’s hand to his mouth and presses a soft kiss to each knuckle. Jon can’t help but steal a glance at Martin, and the sheer tenderness written all over his face –

 Jon can’t help it: the dam breaks, the tears overflow, and soon his breath is coming in short, gasping hiccups.

 “You know I didn’t mean it like that, right?” Martin says quietly, his lips brushing against Jon's fingers.

 How did you know what I was thinking? Jon wants to ask, but he can’t form the words. Instead, he just shudders as he tries to stifle his sobs.

 “I love every part of you, and that includes the scars. They’re reminders that you’ve survived.” Martin rubs his thumb over the back of Jon’s hand in a slow, soothing motion. “It’s just – I wish you didn’t have to go through any of it in the first place. I hate what’s been done to you. But you’re more than that, and – and the scars are proof of that. Despite everything, you’re still alive. You’re still you.”

 “Am I, though?” It comes out as a croak, and only then does Jon realize just how raw his throat is. There won’t be any lasting damage from walking through a blazing building, but it’s certainly taking its time fading away.

 He feels another wave of guilt overtake him at the thought of how frightened Martin was. Jon had been so absorbed in recording the fear permeating the Desolation, and then so wrapped up in his own petty revenge fantasy, that he shut Martin out, left him choking on the blistering heat and shrinking away from the flames, stranded with only his abject terror to keep him company – 

 “Jon –”

 “You see what I am, what I can do –”

 “She deserved it, Jon. So did that – that thing that killed Sasha.”

 “Yes, they did. But I used the same power that destroyed the world in order to do it, and I liked it, and – and I dragged you along with me, all for an empty, fleeting moment of vengeance. I promised I wouldn’t let the Eye hurt you, and then I subjected you to –” Jon swallows hard, his sore throat protesting. “And now it’s over, I just feel sick. Jude was right – I’m no better than her.”

 “That’s not –”

 “Did you know, before the change – when I still slept – one of the nightmares I invaded belonged to Jordan Kennedy? The exterminator, the one who was called to deal with Jane Prentiss’ wasp nest?” Once he starts, he can’t stop – the words pour forth in a frenetic rush, and he lets them carry him away. “He would look at me, and look at Prentiss, and he – he never knew who to fear more. Even after years, Prentiss was – she was always the part of the dream that terrified me more than any of the others, and – and in his eyes, we were the same –”

 “Jon –”

 “Prentiss was so frightened in her statement, so human. I thought the hive had hollowed her out against her will, turned her into a monster – but now, I wonder if she chose to let it have her –”

  “Jon –”

 “I talked to Helen about it once, you know. About choice. It seems like the avatars – we all have something about us that draws the powers to us in the first place. The only difference between us and any other victim is that we – we embrace it, to some extent, whether we realize it or not. We have a choice, and we choose to abandon our humanity, and whatever happens after that –”

 “Jon, stop.”

 Jon shuts his mouth so quickly there is an audible click as his teeth collide.  

 “This isn’t healthy –” Martin holds up his free hand as Jon opens his mouth again. “No, let me talk.” He takes a deep breath and pinches the bridge of his nose. “You’re equating yourself with the ones who hurt you. You’re… you’re looking back at all the things that traumatized you and putting yourself in the same category.”

 “Jude said –”

 “I don’t care what Jude said!”

 “But she was right!” Jon says viciously, tearing his hand from Martin’s grasp and burying it in his hair, pulling until his scalp starts to ache.

 “What about me, Jon? Am I no better than Peter Lukas?”

 “That’s not the same thing –”

 “Really? The Lonely was drawn to me for a reason. I made a choice to let it in, and then I made a choice to embrace it. I liked it, in my own way.” Martin places one hand under Jon’s chin and guides him to meet his eyes. “What if things had gone just a bit differently? What if you never woke up? I might have actually committed myself to the Lonely. Would that have twisted me, driven me to seek out the isolated and feed them to it in the same way that Peter does?”

 “It’s different –”

 “No, it’s not. You think the Beholding was drawn to you because you’re curious. Fine. You are curious. It’s infuriating and charming all at once, and sometimes you take it to - to careless extremes. That still doesn’t make any of this your fault. It makes you a victim, Jon – you were manipulated, tormented, used, and thrown away. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

 Jon has sunken into a sullen silence, and Martin groans in frustration.

 “Look, let’s – okay,” Martin says, counting on his fingers, “Mike Crew was struck by lightning. Jane Prentiss stumbled upon a wasps’ nest. All Helen did was open a door. Whether they were targeted or just had bad luck, they were coerced into choosing between equally terrible options and twisted into people they probably never expected to be. Even Daisy – all she did was trespass on some childhood dare, right? Look where that led her.”

 Jon chews his lip and says nothing.

 “I’m just saying, from where I’m sitting, the punishment doesn’t seem to fit the transgression. If you can even call half those things transgressions. Helen’s curiosity led her to open a door, but that hardly seems like a crime to me. You’ve never once believed that Helen deserved what happened to her. So why are you holding yourself to different standards?”

 “It’s just… different. I – I had a clear choice, and I chose to be a monster instead of having the decency to –” Jon cuts himself off, but it’s too late.

 “To what? To die?”

 “Well, if I had, it would have freed the rest of you –”

 “And if you died, I would have given in to the Lonely, and Daisy would still be in the coffin, and Melanie would have been taken by the Slaughter, and Elias would have found a new pawn –”

 “I just –”

 “I’m not done,” Martin says forcefully. “It’s still victim blaming even if you’re the victim, Jon. Do you really not see why it’s upsetting for me to hear you compare yourself to people who tortured you? To have you listen to Jude Perry over me?”

 “I…”

 “You know what?” Martin laughs breathlessly. “Yeah, let’s – let’s talk about Jude, shall we? Because as far as I can tell, she’s an example of someone who did choose this. I listened to parts of the tapes while you were in hospital, and she said as much herself. She was always cruel. She enjoyed destroying people long before the Desolation took an interest in her. Who knows, maybe there was something in her life that could explain why she was the way she was, and she just didn’t tell you. But based on what we know? She just liked hurting people. She was never conflicted about it, and she never apologized for it. Hell, she gloated about it. Even at the very end, all she wanted was to scare me and hurt you.”  

 When Martin finishes, he’s slightly out of breath. Jon reaches out tentatively, letting his fingers brush against Martin’s wrist, and Martin grasps his hand and interlocks their fingers again.

 “I’m sorry,” Jon says quietly. “I’m just… I’m sorry.”

 “It’s… well, it’s not fine. But we had to talk about it.” Martin sniffles a bit, then clears his throat. “I guess maybe the Kill Bill thing isn’t working for us, though.”

 “Maybe not. I think… I think it’s not as simple as we want it to be. It would be – nice, to be able to just draw up a hit list, burn through it on our way to Jonah, but… I don’t like what it does to me. I don’t like what it does to you.”

 “Right,” Martin sighs.  

 “And I’m still – I’m still worried about Annabelle. We could be playing right into her hands, and we still don’t even know what she’s after, and…” Jon makes an aggravated noise. “And just like that, I’m back to the free will question.”

 It’s a question that always, always leads him to a dead end. Sometimes he passes hours with Annabelle’s statement playing on a loop in his head until he feels paralyzed with indecision, and nothing good ever comes of it.  

 “Okay, no,” Martin says. “No more self-harm disguised as philosophizing.”

 “Excuse me?”

 “The rumination, Jon – it’s self-destructive. It’s the same as when you’d seek out Helen whenever you were feeling inhuman. You’d let the ‘throat of delusion’ reinforce your fears, and then you’d use that as a justification for risking your life.”

 Jon is struck speechless. He just stares at Martin, mouth opening and closing minutely, trying and failing to compose any coherent response.

 “I was keeping an eye on you, Jon. Even when I was working for Peter.” He pauses, and then, almost under his breath, he adds: “You find such roundabout ways to hurt yourself, sometimes.”

 “I…”

 “You never thought of it that way, did you?” Martin’s smile is half-indulgent, half-sad. “Well, if you’re going to keep getting tripped up by the free will thing, let’s just… address it. Lay it all out, all those little what-ifs and if/thens.”  

 “That seems like… quite an undertaking,” Jon says, uncertain.

 “Yeah, well. Time doesn’t really work anymore.”

 “But people are still suffering with every moment we sit here –”

 “The longer we go without sitting down and talking this out, the more we’ll stumble. We’ll probably reach the Panopticon sooner if we can agree on a strategy, and this… this seems like a good first step. Here, let me –”

 Martin extricates himself from their hiding place with a small grunt of effort. Standing and dusting himself off, he reaches down to help Jon up. “Over here,” he says, leading Jon by the hand to their bags and gesturing for him to sit down.

 Jon complies, Martin settles in beside him, but then – Jon has a sudden thought, and his attention swivels back to Martin.

 “Wait. Before we move on, I… how are you –” He stops himself with an agitated little shake of his head, then restructures the statement. “I would like to know how you’re feeling. If – if you want to say.”

 “Jon,” Martin says, his voice stern, “you are not redirecting this into a conversation about me just because you don’t want to talk about your feelings –”

 “No,” Jon says quickly, “we can come back to this, I just - it’s not fair, me venting to you and expecting you to soak up my – my nonsense –”

 “Not nonsense –” Martin says crossly.

 “Okay, okay, fine – my – my feelings.”

 “The word isn’t going to bite your tongue off if you say it,” Martin says, shaking his head with an exasperated smirk as Jon rolls his eyes.

 “All the same, I…” Jon reaches over and cups one side of Martin’s face. He didn’t realize until now how caked in soot and ash they both are, as he rubs his thumb over Martin’s cheekbone. “I was being self-centered before we went after Jude, and I was being self-centered just now. I’d like to know where you are right now, in all this.”

 Martin closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and leans into Jon’s touch. “I’m… scared. Obviously. I think the Desolation is one of the fears that gets to me the most. Not just the pain aspect, though I – I was being serious when I said that burning is my least favorite pain ever.”

 Jon lets his hand drift to Martin’s hairline and brushes a stray curl away from his forehead, shaking loose a sprinkle of ashes.

 “But it’s also… it’s the loss aspect, I think?” Martin continues. “How easily you can lose everything, how quickly the people you love can – can disappear from your life.”

 Jon reaches out with his free hand – the burned one – and places it on top of one of Martin’s. Martin takes it gratefully, intertwines their fingers, and rests his head on Jon’s shoulder.

 “I’m… I’m not used to people caring about me, but being abandoned still hurts, even when it’s people who never cared for you. And now – now I have someone who does care for me. When you tell me you love me, I believe you, which is… I never thought I’d have that. If I lost you, I don’t know… I don’t know what I would do.”

 As the tears start to trickle down Martin’s cheeks, leaving trails in the soot clinging to his skin, Jon’s breath hitches and his heart clenches in his chest. A sudden, jarring memory returns to him, of Jude describing how she could reach in and burn his heart right out of him, and he pushes the thought away.

 “I’m sorry, Martin. I… I didn’t think about that.” He squeezes Martin’s hand in his, hoping it comes off as reassuring. “Honestly, I think I’m also still getting used to the concept of someone actually… caring what happens to me. It doesn’t always occur to me naturally – the thought of someone missing me, or – or grieving for me.”

 “It’s alright –”

 “No, it’s not,” Jon interrupts. It comes off more sharply than he had intended, and he softens his voice before he continues. “Don’t let me off the hook. I… I knew I wouldn’t lose you, I knew I could keep us both alive, but I also knew it we wouldn’t pass through unscathed, and I dragged you in there anyway. I’m…” He frowns. “It's not an excuse, but I - I think I’m somewhat desensitized to physical pain, at this point?”

 Martin opens his mouth and Jon cuts him off.

 “No, I – I still feel it, it’s just... I've come to expect it? And then I heal so quickly, it - it doesn't feel consequential.” It’s more that his body doesn’t always feel like it belongs to him. There’s a sense of detachment that grew up over time, layer upon layer; he can’t quite pinpoint when exactly he started to think, Well, what’s another scar?

 “That’s worse. You get how that’s worse, right?”

 “Yes, I – I suppose,” Jon admits reluctantly. “But that’s not the point. You told me, explicitly, how you felt, and I subjected you to it anyway. I rationalized it by saying there would be no lasting physical damage, but that - that isn't the only kind of harm there is, and it's no consolation in the moment, when all you can think about is how much it hurts." Jon closes his eyes. "It was wrong of me to take you in there.”

 “Maybe.” Martin bites his lip. “I am the one who wanted to go Kill Bill, though.”

 “But I went along with it, and for the wrong reasons.”

 “I don’t think revenge is a bad reason. You have every right to feel angry –”

 “Probably. But I’m… I’m also the most powerful thing in this wasteland. I could cut a path of destruction from here to the Panopticon, and nothing could stop me. But I’d burn you in the process, and – and probably lose myself, too.” Jon pauses, grappling with how to phrase it. “The Eye already forces me to feel what it feels. To See what it Sees. And I worry that - that I'll reach a point where I'm so numb to it all that I'll forget what it was ever like to be human. To care about people suffering. And using these powers for no reason other than taking revenge, I think it feeds the Beholding, strengthens its hold on me. I can see myself rationalizing it, but when I look at some of the other avatars… making those kinds of justifications led them down a path that I would very much like to avoid. Whether Jude deserved it is a moot point.”

 “I think she did, though,” Martin says. “So did the... the Sasha thing." 

 “Honestly? I think so, too. Forcing them to experience the suffering they’ve caused, it was what they deserved. But Jude was right, when she said I was enjoying it. Using my powers to hurt people, knowing that they can’t hurt me now… it feels good. It feels right in the same way that – that taking live statements used to, and that scares me. And I think… I think it scares you, too.”

 “I’m not afraid of you, Jon.”

 “And I don’t want to reach a point where you are.”

 “That won’t happen.”

 “You don’t know that.” Martin opens his mouth to argue, and Jon holds up a hand to stay him.  “Even if you’re not afraid of me, you’re afraid you might lose me to this. I’m not – I didn’t read your mind,” Jon hastens to add, “I just… I saw how you looked at me, when I was dealing with Jude. When your voice couldn’t reach me. I’m still unsure how much of it is the Beholding and how much of it is just me, but I do know that I don’t like it, and that it isn’t worth the cost. It doesn’t change anything, and it hurts you, and it – it isn’t healthy for me, either.”

 I see you, he thinks, staring into Martin’s eyes, I see you.

 “I meant it when I said that you are my reason. I lost sight of that for a moment, and I don’t want that to happen again.”

 “Okay,” Martin sighs, tightening his grip on Jon’s hand and forcing a tight smile. “No more Kill Bill. At least – at least not recklessly.”

 Jon nods. “From now on… unless something poses an imminent danger, and I have to defend us on the spur of the moment, we talk. We explore all the options, all the potential consequences. I don’t smite unless we both agree on it – for the right reasons. No more feeding the Beholding on a whim.” He looks into Martin’s eyes again. “Does that seem… I would like to know if that feels fair, to you.” Martin nods, and Jon lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. “And if one of us starts feeling differently, we revisit this conversation. I don’t want you to feel as if you can’t… renegotiate, or add more conditions.”

 “I’d like that,” Martin says, and plants soft kiss on Jon’s lips.

 They sit in silence for a few minutes, Martin’s head on Jon’s shoulder and his arm wrapped firmly around Jon’s waist. Eventually, Martin clears his throat.

 “So. Back to the free will thing,” he says, lifting his head. When Jon starts to make a noise of protest, Martin shoots him a stern look. “You promised.”

 “Fine,” Jon says through a heavy exhale, sitting up straight as Martin leans away and resenting the loss of the comforting weight of Martin’s body against his. “So, how do you want to do this?”

 “Well, you always liked visuals.”

 “What?”

 “You had a conspiracy corkboard in your office, Jon.”

 Jon flushes in indignation. “Don’t call it that –”

 “I’m joking. Mostly.” Martin laughs and kisses Jon’s cheek, which Jon receives with an only somewhat petulant huff. “Seriously, though, I think a visual will help you keep track of your own thoughts, and it’ll help me follow along.”

 Jon isn’t quite sure where Martin is going with this, but at least it’s a starting point, which is already more than Jon could come up with.

 “Okay,” Jon says quizzically. “How should I…?”

 “Well, I figured you could just…” Martin scribbles in the dust with one finger.

 When Jon leans closer to see what he’s written, he can clearly make out the words:

  GET FUCKED, JONAH.  

 Jon chokes on a laugh. His sore throat twinges again, but when Martin starts laughing, it creates a feedback loop, and soon both of them are left wheezing as they try to catch their breath.

 “He – he can probably See that, you know,” Jon manages to get out.

 “That’s rather the point, love,” Martin replies with a grin, tucking a stray lock of hair behind Jon’s ear.

 “Okay.” Jon takes a few shaky breaths, fighting back a smile and trying to school himself back into seriousness. “Okay. Let’s… let’s give this a try, I suppose," he says, and sets to dragging an index finger through the dirt.   

 It takes Jon a few minutes to acclimate to it, but soon he’s mapping out his tangled, racing thoughts on the ground, funneling his anxiety into flow charts and network diagrams. He’s always had a highly associative mind, prone to tangents and distraction. He finds himself adding parentheticals, footnotes, asterisks, arrows, all of it blurring together as the loose dirt gets pushed around. It doesn’t take long before Martin has to move back to give him more room to work. At some point, he breaks a branch off the charred tree for Jon to use as a pointer, and Jon accepts it absentmindedly without even the slightest pause in his dissertation, barely noticing the shower of ashes that rains down from the jostled tree.

 It’s absurd, taking an intermission during the apocalypse to navel gaze about the nature of free will, but… miraculously, it’s helping. Martin stops Jon frequently to ask questions, redirect his focus, provide feedback, and expand on certain points. Jon is struck by how much effort Martin seems to be putting into following each of Jon’s convoluted trains of thought to their many branching, disparate destinations, and he thinks, not for the first time, What did I do to deserve him?  

 “When I think about it,” Jon says feverishly, pacing and gesturing with his hands the way he does when he’s absorbed in a debate, “the Web may have been pulling strings my whole life. I – I was marked by it when I was eight, and that was partly why Jonah chose me. He said I might have even been a gift from the Web, that I was drawn to the Institute, and that makes me wonder how many of my choices have been… influenced, without me ever noticing.”

 “Okay, let’s take that as a premise,” Martin says patiently, placing one hand on the stick Jon is waving around and guiding the point down until it’s less of an accident waiting to happen. “Not saying it’s true, mind you – we shouldn’t trust anything Jonah says – but let’s just… follow that to its conclusion, see where it leads. What would it mean?”

 “It would mean…” Jon wets his lips, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. “It would mean that, like Gertrude, I was always going to end up here. But – but then again… Annabelle’s statement. She suggested that the Web is just the fear of manipulation, and maybe it’s actually hands-off, just feeding on the paranoia we create for ourselves. But she also said that maybe it doesn’t matter, because either way, the Web always gets the results it wants.”

 “And Annabelle also said she might just be telling you all that to make sure you do what the Web wants you to do.”

 “Yes.” Jon groans in frustration. “I wish I knew what the Web wants. Does it even have a goal, or does it just look like it does to our pattern-seeking minds? Like – like some sort of metaphysical pareidolia.”

 “Hmm. I think we need to look at this a different way.”

 “Go on?”

 “If we can identify one instance of free will, that proves its existence.” Martin shrugs. “It doesn’t say anything about the extent or nature of it, but it at least eliminates the possibility that everything is out of our control.”

 “That… sounds reasonable," Jon says, just a little doubtfully. "But the problem is – how can we know whether something was fully our choice?”

 “Well, choices don’t occur in a vacuum anyway – they’re products of our past experiences, right? So there’s always going to be something influencing us. The question we need to focus on now is whether there’s another consciousness pulling the strings.”

 “Okay.” It’s far too tempting for Jon to veer off topic and into this new potential avenue of discussion, but it helps having Martin to guide him back on track. “So, can you think of anything, any time when, looking back, you can say with confidence that you made a choice without being manipulated by something for its own gain?”

 “Yes.”

 “Oh?” Jon feels a little bewildered by how immediate Martin’s response is. “Do tell.”

 “Loving you,” Martin says without hesitation.

 “I – what?” Jon sputters. He doesn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t that. He knows Martin loves him, of course – that comes as no surprise – but he’s still taken aback whenever Martin says it so directly. He’s so casual about it, so sincere, so confident, as if there could be no reality in which it isn’t true.

 “It’s true,” Martin says, a faint blush beginning to blossom on his cheeks. “I mean – it’s not that I actively decided to have a crush on you or anything, attraction just kind of happens unconsciously, but – but deciding to pursue it? That was a choice I made. Even if I have a hard time imagining a scenario where I wouldn’t want to take care of you – I still could have decided not to act on it.”

 “I… certainly made it difficult for you, I suppose.”

 “Yeah, you weren’t exactly receptive to…” Martin snorts. “Well, any kindness at all, really.”

 “So then why didn’t you give up? Why did you keep putting the effort in, when all I did was push you away? What if –”

 Martin shakes his head with a fond little smile. “Jon, what possible reason could the Web have to make you happy?”

 “What?”

 “Why would one of the fears choose to manipulate you in a way that didn’t make you miserable, when there are so many options to do it in a way that hurts you? Since when would they care about you feeling safe, or cared for, or – or supported? If anything, you being isolated would make you easier to manipulate.”

 “Not necessarily – you can control someone by threatening someone they love. That’s why you kept working with Peter, isn’t it? You knew he was using you, sure, but – but I listened to the tapes. I know I wasn’t the only reason you went along with him, but it did factor in. You were distracting him, keeping him occupied so he didn’t come after me.”

 “True,” Martin concedes. “But can the fears even comprehend love?”

 “I’m still not convinced the fears are conscious at all, or if they just... exist." Jon frowns in concentration as he tries to find the right words. “Like – like gravity. Forces with no sentience, no minds of their own, except for what we project onto them.”

 “That only bolsters my argument.”

 “I suppose.”

 “Either way, I don’t think the fears could force me to love you, and even if they could, I don’t think they’d bother – not when there are more straightforward ways to terrorize us. I don’t think they particularly care about our feelings.”

 “Helen said something similar once,” Jon recalls. “I wanted to know when the Eye would make me monstrous. When I would stop feeling guilty. She said that the Eye wouldn’t have a reason to do that, when I was already doing what it wanted regardless of my own feelings on the matter. She said… she said that Helen made a choice to just stop feeling guilty, because she was going to feed whether or not she felt guilty about it, and it was pointless to agonize over it when the outcome would be the same either way. And now… well, you see what she’s like.”

 “See? I doubt any of the fears would take an interest in our slow burn love life," Martin says with a wry smile, "and if they did, it would only be to sabotage it.”

 Thinking about it, recalling all the moments leading up to this…

 “I think you might be onto something.”

 “Oh?” Martin perks up, clearly delighted. “You’re saying I was right?”  

 “Yes, Martin, you were right,” Jon sighs, amusement creeping into his voice despite himself. “I don’t think my feelings for you were being controlled. Even if the situations we were thrown into were orchestrated, I… I can’t think of a single moment when loving you felt coerced. Even following you into the Lonely – it may have been part of Jonah’s plan, maybe even part of the Web’s machinations, but looking back at all the choices I’ve made, I think… no, I know that one was all me. You ending up in there was a result of manipulation, but my choice to go after you – I didn’t hesitate. That – that isn’t like me, I second-guess everything, but… I didn’t, then. In my mind, there was no other option – and that wasn’t because someone removed all the other options, it was because I decided that no other option was worth considering.”

 “Oh.” Martin's voice sounds very, very small. Then: “I do think sometimes, though, about how… if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have been marked by the Lonely. It was the last mark Jonah needed to use you for the Ritual, and I –”

 “He would have found another way.” Jon shrugs. “The outcome – being marked by the Lonely – that may have been inevitable. But the way it happened – that was me. I didn’t follow you because I felt guilty, or because I had no one else, or because the Eye wanted me to experience the Lonely. It was because I care about you, and because you deserve better than to be Forsaken.”  

 When Jon looks up, he sees that Martin is crying, and draws him into a tight embrace.

 “I’ve never once regretted coming after you,” he promises, wiping Martin’s tears away with his thumb, “and I would do it again. It might be the only decision I’ve made where I've never doubted whether I made the right choice.”  

 “Thank you,” Martin whispers after a few minutes, as his sniffling subsides. 

 “I love you,” Jon replies, voice rough from his own unshed tears.  

 “That was… quite eloquent.” Martin lets out a tearful chuckle, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms. “So – did this help at all? Did you have any – any epiphanies?”

 “I think I did, yes.” Jon releases Martin and picks up the stick again, drawing a rough illustration of a set of scales in the dirt. “One side is 'being controlled.' The other side is 'having free will.' I’ll never know how the scale is balanced, and that’s… I’ll just have to accept that. As long as there’s some free will in the equation, that’s... that's going to have to be enough to move forward.”

 “Are you okay with that?”

 “I think I have to be. I feel it’s a question that will never be answered to my satisfaction, and no amount of obsessing is going to change that. Even if I could seek an answer, I don’t think it would be worth –”

 A sharp, electric pain courses through Jon’s head just then, leaving him gasping in its wake. The vertigo that floods him brings him back to his encounter with Mike Crew, and when he comes back to himself, he finds himself on his knees, trembling in Martin’s arms.

 “Jon! Jon, are you alright?” Martin’s concerned face comes into view as Jon’s blurry vision clears, and he nods wordlessly. “What was – what was that about?”

 “I – I don’t think the Ceaseless Watcher liked that very much,” Jon says, wincing at the lingering ache. “The prospect of – of letting a question go unanswered.”

 Martin holds him, rocking gently, stroking his hair, until the throbbing begins to wane. Jon clenches his fist in Martin’s jumper and breathes deeply.

 “I’m alright,” he says eventually, sitting up again.

 “So… where do we go from here?”

 “What I was going to say, before – before the Eye threw a tantrum,” he hisses, glowering up at the sky.

 “Don’t provoke it, Jon –”

 “What I was going to say is that I think the best way to tolerate the ambiguity is through action.” Jon holds his breath and steels himself before he continues, half expecting another bout of disapproval from the Beholding. “Any amount of free will means that change is possible. That means it’s worth trying, even if the outcome is uncertain, or – or hopeless. If that means taking it on faith that I can make my own choices, then… it’s a fair tradeoff, I think. The only way to determine how much control we really have is to experiment.”

 “Some practical research, then?”

 “I suppose so. Discovery through praxis. At least real-world evidence of cause and effect gives me something tangible to observe. It’s better than… what did you call it –”

 “Rumination as a roundabout method of self-harm,” Martin supplies helpfully.  

 “Yes,” Jon says sheepishly, “that.”

 “Well, at least we have a way forward now.”

 Martin stands and pulls Jon to his feet and right into a strong embrace before picking up a bag in each hand.

 “So, where to next?”

 “Something horrifying, I’m sure.” Jon takes a moment to glare at the Panopticon, still so far off in the distance, before taking his pack from Martin and sliding the straps over his shoulders.

 “Well, come on, then,” Martin sighs, linking their hands together. “Onward.”

 “Onward,” Jon says with a resolute nod, gripping Martin’s hand tightly as they resume their journey.  

[sanoiro]

Lucifer 5x03 - ¡Diablo! - Spoilers & Speculation

Warning! There is always a possibility that certain scenes might have been mixed up under their non-respective episodes.

Written By: Mike Kosta

Directed By: Claudia Yarm

Mike Costa has written/co-written the episodes: 

1x10 - Pops

2x09 - Homewrecker

2x15 - Deceptive Little Parasite

3x07/2x21 - Off the Record

3x13  - Til Death Do Us Part

4x05 - Expire Erect

5x03 - ¡Diablo!

Cast: Tom Ellis as Lucifer, Lauren German as Chloe, DB Woodside as Amenadiel, Lesley-Ann Brandt as Maze, Kevin Alejandro as Dan, Scarlett Estevez as Trixie, Rachael Harris as Linda Martin and Aimee Garcia as Ella.

Season 4 Recurring Characters: None Officially Announced Guest Cast:

Dan Andreiu...Skeezy Motel Tenant

Jacob Chattman...Detective Doofus

Ernesto Chaverri...Police officer

Brianne Davis...Detective Dancer

Genevieve Gauss...Officer Cacuzza

Alex Quijano...Diablo

Behind The Scenes Videos:

Locations

Chloe’s Apartment - Maze & Trixie (There is all a Trixe-Lucifer scene)

Precinct - Dan, Lucifer and Ella. -Before the bracelets-

Pink Motel - Not a murder scene but I believe they question the owner as he is listed in the cast.

Warner Brothers Stars Hallow Set Area - Open Stages:

1) The Murder Scene - Dan, Ella, Lucifer & Chloe

2) Stage III - The room with the clowns. Prior to Halloween WB had built a clown maze for tourists and its workers although they didn’t the usual annual Halloween attraction but it was not the same one. However, I believe it may have been used for this episode nonetheless.

3) Stage Set - Hell set used as a Tv Series Prop although it acts as our actual Hell as well.

When an episode is shot at the lot it means it costs less money to be made still what it saved them on money it cost them on 1-2 days. 

This episode is called from us “Diablo: The Tv Series Episode” and we call it that because that’s what it is. There is no AU here but something like 3x02 where you see our leads investigating a case which is related to a show. Now that show is VERY similar to Lucifer. Extremely so but we will talk about that in a bit.

First of all the main themes of this episode is Lucifer’s ongoing instability but also a problem that seems to tie him eventually to Dan. Dan’s issue in my opinion started either in the first episode but is gradually getting worse so in 5x03 Lucifer provides a temporary solution. But is that him or Amenadiel? As we know Chloe and Amenadiel work together for a bit in this episode.

As always in order to unravel this episode we will rely on the case of the week. Where does the murder takes place? At the WB lot actually, so be prepared to see it again like you did back in 3x26 yet that is a different area.

^Aimee on the left

They also shot at night at Stars Hallow Set. 

We have some photos from Josh with Aimee and Kevin where you can clearly see that Dan does not wear the bracelet yet. Same goes with Lucifer’s bracelet at the beginning of the episode neither of them wears it and that makes sense.

Let’s talk now about the victim and the theme of the episode again. For some reason the murder is connected to a television show called ‘Diablo’. We know that because there are several hints and downright spoilers about that like the social media posts of some people which will not be posted for obvious reasons.

Diablo as a show has EVERYTHING Lucifer’s life has. Scratch that everything Lucifer as a show had in its first season down right to the… same poster. Yep!

So when I say everything what do I mean? I mean that there are the following characters who take the place of our main leads:

Lucifer = Diablo

Chloe Dacker = Detective Dancer

Maze = Blaze (male)

Dan Espinoza aka Det. Douche = Det. Dooffus

We do not know who else is featured but I would expect Linda, perhaps Trixie and Amenadiel to have their own counterparts.

^ Dancer was originally Chloe’s surname in the Kapinos Pilot do not be surprised is you see Linda being played by a Kim...

Yet who would do that? Who would make a Tv Show that resembles so much Lucifer’s life? My first thought was Ella but then I found a BTS about an Alex Lopez and I assumed he was one of her brothers taking advantage of her workalike stories. Although that may be true then how could anyone know how the actual Hell looks like?

One day I got a glimpse of a woman which I think was Inbar on set. Additionally, at that time, Inbar Lavi posted a few S4 photos which seemed a bit peculiar. Therefore if Inbar was on set and is the person who made the tv series Diablo we are in for a hoot!

If that happens it means that Eve has found her way and she might eventually find her way back to Maze’s life in P2. Of course, that’s a speculation but we can always hope!

The next question is why would our writers do that to Lucifer? Why would they put him through an experience that shows him his work and partnership so obviously to him through a series like Diablo? As we know Lucifer is a bit thick sometimes so for all the characters it would be nice to acknowledge certain dynamics as seen from a show that is, of course, a caricature of the actual actors.

I mean Diablo has frozen tips, Det. Doofus looks downright clueless and Blaze… Blaze is the equivalent of Maze but big… Congrats Eve! If that was you, of course, you made Maze looking butch!

So in that episode, Lucifer needs to come face to face with the facade of his life in Hell but also on Earth and I believe it’s time for him for another breakthrough. The same goes for the rest of the leads.

I stand by the opinion I posted on Twitter that 5x03 as far as I see it is a wake-up call that no matter for how long you keep a costume & a mask on that's not who you are. It's also a point where Lucifer's work & partnership may finally be unveiled for what they truly are. All that while they search for a solution. Yet for what solution do I talk about?

Something is wrong with Dan perhaps even Lucifer but I do believe the origin of the problem is Dan due to Lucifer’s actions back in 5x01. If I had to guess I would say that they need a way to make sure Dan is kept alive that a life source is sustained and that requires a link which I suppose is the bracelet. But that it’s just a temporary solution, the permanent one will come in 5x08 and will have its own consequences!

In any case we do have Lucifer and Chloe going to the Pink Motel for some questioning but then… then it seems like Lucifer disappears for a bit. If my speculation is correct during his recovery the events of 5x04 will happen but that will be explored in the next S&S!

The Pink Hotel is considered a landmark btw. 

Let’s say now that half of the episode is almost gone perhaps less, 15 min? And we have Lucifer out of commission or perhaps they search with Dan for what they need. That leads to two different groups working and I do not mean that it will be necessary on the case.

^LUX as Hell it even has poles... 

*cough* priest collard male strippers*

On one hand, you have Lucifer and Dan. When Kelly Clarkson visited the penthouse aside from several cool parts of that episode like LUX that is now called HELL in the Diablo series we also had a glimpse of a book…

A book? Again? You may lament like Mum at the end of 2x17. Well yes, a book… an ancient book which it may or may not be related to this episode although I will speculate that it is. For me, that book reminded me the Book of Destiny… 

In order to understand what that means I have put some strips from the comics here for you. Lucifer and that book or to put it right Destiny, one of the Endless have had a disagreement about that book before but it didn’t work out that well…

The Book of Destiny as Sandman’s and Lucifer’s comics inform us:

“It contains your life. Every detail of your life. Everything that has happened to you. Everything that will happen one day. The things you have forgotten (ALERT on that one). The things you do not believe.”

Yet the writers have never used a source from the comics without altering it so beware of that. It may be something that is based on that book or carries certain attributes of it.

So let’s assume that that book helps them create the bracelets and thus Dan remains alive for the time being. Also, does that mean that Dan will be exposed to the Devilish truth? If this speculation is correct I do not see how he can avoid it. At the same time learning all about Mom and most importantly Charlotte will do him A LOT of good. Yes, he has been healing in his own terms but whoever has lost someone knows that the pain never goes away it always nags you so I think it will make that pain a bit duller.

^Do not forget that Dan’s office area is full of motivation quotes... Do not be surprised if he is in therapy again in s5...

While Lucifer and Dan are preoccupied we have Chloe and Amenadiel working together I believe somewhat on the case or trying to help Dan. Who knows it might even be Eve - again IF she appears in that episode - who will give the temporary solution they need.

What intrigues me in DB’s photo from that episode is the official one that was released at ET where he is in front of a clown. It looks like a weird scary place, a theme park perhaps or even a set… 

We do know that there were two crews and that scenes of the Diablo episode were requiring two crews, I mean would you let an actor near your 40K camera? Nope!

So the circus/clown scene is what interests me most as I have no idea what is going on there… What I do know is that it corresponds with Ella’s shirt. Ella’s shirt has a clown on and it says ‘Big Clown’ and something other underneath yet on the murder scene she wears a light blue shirt.

Additional Info

We have a Scene at the Penthouse which may be connected with the scene of Maze and Trixie at the Decker Household. However! Scarlett almost always shoots more than one episode so it is possible that it might be connected to 5x04. Still we take it as if it is for 5x03.

There is a fight scene with Maze and Lucifer against some people. Still, Ellis’  stuntman also filled in for a different role this time so that might have been for the Diablo show.

Finally, we did have Linda on set and there was a photo from within her house. Scenes from Linda’s house or her office during her sessions with Lucifer are rare so most of the time we do not know they are happening. 

A background extra who played a police officer in this episode made it to an actor with lines. Of course now we know that she will have that role up to 5x08 yet we do not know if she will survive the serial killer ordeal of the last two episodes of S5 Part 1…

Additional bts of that episode including the Kelly Clarkson photos etc. 

^Did you see Marcus’ honourary tablet?

^And of course the mermaid is back at her rightful place. It was there also in S4 but appeared only at a bts with Inbar. :) 

[justimajin]

A Wilting Rose╰ Epilogue╮

➺ Pairing: Jimin x Reader

➺ Genre: Angst & Fluff~

↳ (2.5k) Actor and Actress AU

➺ Summary: It seems that instead of spiraling down as a tarnished actress for what felt like centuries, you have finally started to leave reporters speechless and taste success like never before (and maybe, just maybe, it pays to have someone so endearingly adorable by your side with each step of the way).  

➺ Warnings: some swearing, fluff that is definitely smile worthy

➺ Moodboard Prologue Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Epilogue

Wincing when bright flashes keep continuing to go off, loud muffled roars are heard coming from outside the car and you almost want to laugh. 

Surely if you were here a couple of months ago, you wouldn’t be seeing all these curious eyes and pure excitement that you were witnessing right now. 

“Should we go and say hi?” The voice to your left asks, causing a chuckle to escape from you as you peer out of the long black limousine. 

“I’m not too sure, they seem more excited about the movie’s release then we do.” You point over to the array of fans patiently waiting for you past the reporters and journalists. You can’t recall how long its been since you’ve seen so many of them together in one place like that, simply waiting for you and you only.

Jimin laughs, “That’s definitely true.” With a deep sigh, he adjusts the tie to his red suit for perhaps the seventh time, wiping his hands down on his pants right after. 

A faint smile surfaces on your lips, “It’s not that bad, trust me.” 

A brief smile flickers on his features and he nods. You slowly open the door, jolting back a bit and alarming Jimin behind you when shouts and screams suddenly enter the confines of the limo. Although you’d like to reassure Jimin about situations like these, you can’t help but also find it quite daunting to see so many people surrounding you at once. 

You strain your eyes against the abundance of flashes when you step out, dragging out your sparkling red dress. Jimin is right behind you, adjusting his suit once again as he helps you get your long skirt out of the limo. The wind breezes through and the dress glides effortlessly through the red carpet, causing you to smile and wave back at the fans anticipating your movie. 

As Jimin stand beside you, reporters soon surround you and are darting quick questions back and forth amongst each other. Most of the questions are fair game - inquires about your movie being made and the type of performance the audience would get to witness. A huge smile is on you when Jimin gets special ‘debutant’ questions and he answers them all with loads of excitement, wanting to properly explain how grateful he was for such an opportunity. 

However, reporters will be reporters. 

“The fans have been dying to know about your personal lives, is there any hint you can give us towards a relationship between the two of you?” 

Glancing over at Jimin, you wonder if talking about this specifically here was a good idea. However before Jimin even has the chance to say anything, the reporter begins to persist, spiking up a conversation you were definitely not huge on talking about, “Rumours have spread about your ex-husband’s appearance on filming. Could it be perhaps the two of you are now back together?” 

You hesitantly open your mouth and the dirty mike is only shoved closer to you despite no words coming out. You close it again, thinking what you could possibly say to get this reporter out of your personal and certainly emotional place, but then you feel a small nudge at your shoulder and you turn to Jimin, who has a huge grin on his face. 

He kisses you. 

Screams suddenly erupt from behind you and yet Jimin doesn’t stop. You had turned to him in such a perfect angle that he was able to reach your lips instantly and he separates from you with a cheeky smile on his face, the faint blush on his cheeks still there as always. 

You on the other hand, are too caught up in wide eyes and shock from the interaction that looking back at the reporter just leaves you purely flustered. 

You shrug, “T-There’s your answer…” 

With a faint awkward chuckle, Jimin loops an arm around your waist and walks you away from the reporters. The fans are still going absolutely ecstatic at the interaction and you hear a spread of words from among them about how adorable you looked together to even how much your pairing looked better than the one you had with Seokjin. 

“Now that was a little bold.” 

Jimin laughs, walking inside the hall with you and helping you with your dress above the steps, “Sorry, I didn’t know what else to do.” 

You shake your head at that but then you place a hand on his arm, stopping him from walking forward, “I’m a little surprised though...all these fans, being this excited for us.”

“Well the movie has been getting more and more good reviews.” A small smile emerges on his lips, despite his best efforts to conceal it, “And maybe thanks to Yoongi.” 

“Yoongi? What does he have to do with this?” 

“Remember how after Seokjin decided to show up at our set, he found out about those journalists posting all those horrible articles about us? He knew it was an attempt at jeopardizing the movie’s image, so after doing some research...it turned out it was the same media that supported Seokjin when you broke up with him.” 

“What?” You harshly whisper, glancing away and trying to connect the dots, “So the media that labeled me as being the heart-breaker were affiliated with Seokjin from the start?” 

Jimin nods and you cover your mouth, “I-I can’t believe this…” Gritting your teeth, you shake your head, “That bastard!”  

“He paid off all of them Y/N. He just wanted to hear them sing praises about him in those articles and have this movie perform horribly in the box office.”

“But you know Yoongi.” Jimin laughs, “He wasn’t going to let this go. So he might of pulled some strings here and there, to get an article about the truth out.” 

A chuckle bubbles out of you at that, “I swear Jimin, this director of ours…”

“You can thank him yourself right now if you want.” Jimin points to the end of the red carpet and your mouth drops wide open when you see Yoongi clad in a gorgeous grey suit, walking along the carpet as reporters ask him questions. He has a huge gummy smile on his lips, one you’ve never seen him ever have and after the reporters move away, he starts posing in absurd ways, causing both you and Jimin to laugh. 

“I do owe him a huge thank you, but I think he’s a little busy right now.” You gesture Jimin to continue walking down the hall and he smiles, joining you and intertwining your hands. 

The movie is a huge success. 

The high numbers rake in, the fans are buzzing with excitement and multiple articles come out about you with headlines declaring that the industry has just found a new promising newcomer and how one of it’s best actresses was back with an excellent movie. 

You don’t truly realize how much you and Jimin both needed the praise until the last one settles in and you’re soon off at your prime again, everyone surrounding you and wanting to know about it all. 

It even opens more doors than you could have imagined, especially when you’re seated at a huge award function and are choking down on your wine when the best debut actor gets announced. 

He stands up hesitantly at first, looking first at you with wide eyes when there’s tears forming in your own and you quickly usher him to go onto the large stage. Fans are chanting his name in the background and a gold trophy is awarded into his hands, looking out into the sea of a crowd with words slipping at the tip of his tongue. 

“First of all, I’d like to thank Director Min Yoongi for giving me a chance with this role…” 

He goes further on, thanking every single member of the cast and staff, causing you to be a bit surprised at how well he was able to remember everyone, before he reaches the end of his speech. A part that makes you want to cover your face bashfully with a hand, but at the same not take your shining proud eyes off of him. 

“....and lastly but definitely not the least, I’d like to thank my co-star and girlfriend for giving me so much support during the making of our movie. Thank you so much Y/N L/N...and I love you.” 

He whispers those last words so quickly in the mic before jogging away from the stage and yet you can hear them perfectly all the way from where you’re seated. He runs away to you to be greeted with a soft kiss and you can’t stop grinning at the shining trophy he places on the table. 

“So?” You lean over, “How does it feel best debutant actor?” 

Jimin shakes his head, sounding breathless before smiling, “I can’t believe it. I know I worked hard for this but it just feels like...a lot.” 

You hold his hand, “You know you deserve it right? You played a seriously good General.” 

Jimin playfully smirks at you, “You sure sound like you enjoyed me playing that role.” 

“What can I say? I miss the blue hair.” You play around with his now back to black hair. 

“I really don’t. I would have gone bald with the amount of times Yoongi made me dye my hair.” 

You laugh at that, covering your mouth with one hand and Jimin soon joins in as well, but your laughter is suddenly cut off when you hear the next category being said. 

“And the award for best movie goes to….” 

“SCARLET LOVERS!” 

You and Jimin simply stare at each other for a moment, utterly speechless until you suddenly hear a huge uproar from another side of the room followed with unison clapping from the entire audience. You turn your head over to the source of the uproar only to witness a smug Yoongi walking over to the podium with confident strides, a huge smile on his face once the award is placed in his hands. 

He frowns for a moment, wondering why the stage was so empty as he leans towards the mic, “I don’t think I was the only one that made this movie possible.” 

The audience laughs and he shakes his head, “Where’s my entire cast and crew?!” 

Suddenly everyone from your movie is heading up the stage and it causes the realization that you and Jimin will have to go as well so you carefully begin to stand up and Jimin helps you with your dress once again. 

Yoongi speaks into the mic when everyone has come up except for you two, “Y/N. Jimin. That means you guys too.” 

You glare at him when your struggling with your dress and you walk up to the stage with Jimin helping you, joining Yoongi’s side as he begins to thanks everyone. He then tugs over you and Jimin, setting both of you in the front of the mic. “This movie couldn’t have been made without these two and I want them to know that in the future, if they ever are in need for work, not to hesitate in coming to me.” 

You and Jimin look at him with huge smiles and he gives you both a hug. Once he brings his arms around you, you whisper into his ear, “Really Yoongi? How many times are you going to keep helping me?” 

“As long as you stay as the actress you are.” Yoongi smiles, “You got potential. Don’t throw it away because some guy caused the media to go after you.” 

You nod, holding onto Jimin’s hand and then giving a grand bow to your entire cheering audience. 

“What a night!”

Jimin flops onto the bed, discarding his suit jacket to the side and sinking down into the mattress as you face your dresser mirror to take your earrings off. “I forgot how long award shows can be. There’s literally no end to them.” 

Jimin sits up on his arms, sticking out his fingers, “Four hours!” He slumps back down, “And I thought filming was bad enough…”

You turn around, smiling at him, “Welcome to the world of acting~”

He lets out a low chuckle, “By the way, did you get a chance to talk to Yoongi afterwards?” 

“I did.” You get up, walking over to comb out your hair, “But he was still busy. This time with having a staring contest with his trophy.” 

Jimin laughs, “He was talking about wanting to win badly after all. And you did end up being right, Yoongi’s scary...but he is a genius.” 

“Yep.” You plop down onto the bed with a sigh, rolling over to be closer to him and he lets you rest your head on his arm, “That’s Min Yoongi for you.”

You stay like that for a moment, the remains of the night slowly beginning to fizzle out and the tiredness seeping in. 

“Hey Y/N?” Jimin whispers when he sees your eyes slowly closing. 

“Hmm?” 

“Do you want to go somewhere tomorrow? We finally have a day off without any filming schedules planned.” 

Your eyes flutter open, looking up at him, “Are you asking me out Jimin?”

He smiles, his eyes crinkling, “That depends on whether you still have those floppy hats and sunglasses.” 

“As a matter of fact, I still do.” You raise an arm, pointing over to your closet, “So don’t worry, no one is going to recognize us.” 

He laughs, turning over to his side to face you lying down as he whispers.

“Sounds perfect.” 

***

Roses are typically grown with such care and love, blooming fully without any other factors stunting their growth or causing them to wilt. They start off as only mere stems with a tip, which slowly expand and form multiple petals to create an entire layout, unique to each individual rose. 

They are plucked when those passing by see how beautiful they’ve become and of course, the prettiest ones are always the most favoured ones. 

However, each rose has thorns. 

They aren’t immediately visible to the plucker’s eyes right away and are only discovered when the plucker looks past their pretty petals to find out indeed, a rose can have thorns on its stems. 

Thorns can be pulled off, they can be cut away and yet they will still grow back every time. 

Therefore it’s only seems right to accept that such pretty flowers will always be accompanied with excruciating sharp thorns. 

He stares at one, touching its thorn with the tip of his finger carefully, “But is it possible for roses to have no thorns at all then?” 

You shake your head, smiling as you pluck up one that looks especially beautiful, having many hidden petals as well as some of it’s own thorns, however upon plucking it you aren’t pricked to the point of drawing out blood. 

You tuck behind his ear. 

“There are some roses that can be extremely rare,” A huge grin is on your lips, eyes flickering over to his curious one, “and those ones have just the right amount of thorns.”

[bulbpix]

If You Just Listened - Part 1

HELLO- this is my first ever post on this blog and it's a x reader piece. lol. Anyways I have a huge crush on Arthur Fleck and after reading a lot of self-inserts I just wasn't getting enough of what I wanted - real reactions!! At least my real reaction to first meeting him would be super uncomfortable, so for all you out there that want the same, here's the first out of hopefully not too many chapters. Idk how I'm gonna turn this from creeped out to charmed, but we'll get there!! Okay, without further delay, here's my first ever x reader piece! Hope you all like it!!

-----------------------------------------

You leaned against the door frame, the smell of cigarettes and cheap bar food filling the air. Your eyes watched the man on stage but your mind was elsewhere, completely zoned out.

You didn't particularly like this job. The comedy was repetitive, insulting, and often just plainly not funny to you. Your co-workers weren't the friendliest people. And to top it off, you often caught your boss, Mike, with his gaze trained directly on your ass, as if he wasn't even trying to hide it.

'No wonder the interview was so short.'

You scoffed at the thought, straightening yourself out as another group of guests approached the entrance. You'd only been working at Pogo's for less than a month, and you quickly learned that most people working in the service industry weren't exactly seen as people, per say.

No, by now you'd come to expect people to walk right past you before you could ask them, "Hello, how many in your party?" You didn't jump anymore when a drunken hand found its way on the back of your pencil skirt. You were used to being the target of ridicule when you brought over the wrong drink. But hey, the bills were paid, and when an arrogant business man found you attractive, you were sure to get a hefty tip. Of course, the harrasment that ensued to get your number wasn't fun, but money is money.

You walked the group of friends to their table and quickly made your way back to the entrance, not noticing as your fellow host, Owen, walked up behind you.

"Busy night tonight, huh?"

You raised your eyebrows, and turned to him, your mind practically half asleep.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I guess." You yawned and scratched the back of your neck. "No more seats now, right?"

He shook his head. "Maybe one or two. You barely squeezed that last group in." He nodded towards their table, then turned his attention to you, his head tilting. "You're looking tired, didn't get enough sleep last night?"

You shrugged. "I mean I just did a double shift, and I did closing yesterday too. How much sleep could I have gotten in that time slot right?" You chuckled, still watching tonight's comedian absentmindedly. It was nice to have an actual conversation with one of your colleagues for once. Maybe tonight's the night you finally make a friend at this job. You pick your tone up, trying to come off as cheerful as you were when you first joined the crew. "How many times has this guy made the same joke about roleplay? I swear, I've heard it, what? A hundred times by now?" You shook your head, scoffing. "It's a miracle people don't get tired of this stuff." You turned to Owen, putting on your friendliest smile.

Not surprising. He was eyeing a woman at the bar, who was clearly with a partner. You doubt he heard a single word of what you just said. You sighed, and turned back to the act. You had come to expect most (if not all) of your interactions at Pogo's to be this way, but you were still disappointed nonetheless. You wished you could say something. Like, 'hey asshole, how about you stop gawking at random women like a fucking teenager and actually try to hold a conversation?' You smiled to yourself. 'Wonder how he'd react to THAT.'

But speaking honestly, you weren't the confrontational type by any means. You even worried about coming off as rude when turning down drunken men who would badger you for hours. You looked down at your feet, disappointed with yourself. Maybe someday you'd be brave. But until then, you had a shift to finish.

You watched the on-stage comedian like a zombie. His jokes went in one of your ears and right out the other. You couldn't even force yourself to laugh if you tried. Maybe the night would go by faster if you just looked at the clock.

One minute.

Tick, tock-

Two minutes.

Tick, tock-

Fifteen minutes.

Tick, tock-

Half an hour.

Tick, tock-

Fourty five minu-

"Excuse me?"

The voice took you out of your trance. You quickly turned to the man standing in the doorway, blinking a few times to bring yourself back to reality. You cursed yourself for being so inattentive and rude, wondering how long he had been waiting there. You put on the best service smile you could muster, and excused yourself.

"Sorry," you nervously chuckled, "long night. Table for one?"

The man nodded and smiled, holding a very worn notebook to his chest. You looked at it, wondering what this guy was doing with a notebook at Pogo's of all places. It's not like there was anything noteworthy about the comedy here.

"Okay, it's a bit packed right now but if you give me a minute, I'm sure I can find someth-"

"There's no seats." Owen turned, his attention coming off the woman at the worst possible time.

The man looked disappointed, his brows raised in a pleading expression. "Are you sure? I'll even take a seat in the back-"

"You deaf, buddy? No seats." Owen snapped. "Zero. Got it?"

The man suddenly covered his mouth. He looked like he was desperately trying to hold in a coughing fit.

'God, Owen, why are you like this?'

You were bright red in embarrassment, praying not to be associated with your coworker's behavior. You wanted desperately to turn to Owen and say, 'Hey. Shut up. You're a host. Your job is to be polite.'

But that isn't what happened. Instead, you turned to Owen, your eyebrows raised, doing your best job at faking astonishment. "I'm so sorry, sir," you began, your eyes slowly leaving Owen and returning to the guest. "My colleague isn't usually like this, you'll have to excuse him. It's been very busy tonight." The man slowly lowered his hand from his mouth, a few small coughs escaping him. They almost sounded like... laughter?

Whatever, it didn't matter. What mattered is that you fixed the situation. Quickly. You looked around, standing on your toes to find a seat. You sighed in relief as you spotted a single empty table in the center of the club. You turned to the man, mouthing 'come on' and gesturing for him to follow you.

You quickly set up a spot for him, pulling his chair out and seeing that he was comfortable.

"Can I get you something? A drink? Some snacks? It's on me for the trouble back there."

He shook his head and smiled at you, placing his notebook in front of him. He opened his mouth as if to say something... but didn't. You thought it was a little strange, but took no note of it.

"Okay," you whispered, not wanting to interrupt the current act. "Let me know if you need anything."

He stared at you for a few seconds. A few seconds more than you were used to. It was definitely making you uncomfortable, you were having a hard time matching his level of eye contact. He opened his mouth to speak again. But again... he didn't. Instead, he just smiled and nodded. You began to turn around and head back-

"Thank you," he finally whispered.

You turned to him, and smiled out of politeness before rushing back to your position, happy to escape the awkwardness of that interaction.

Owen stood there, watching you with an annoyed expression as you walked towards him. You raised your eyebrow at him, mouthing 'What?'

Once you reached him, he moved both of you out towards the hallway entrance. He turned away from the club and faced you.

"What's your problem?" He snapped.

You tightened your lips. You hated hostility. Your hands began to sweat with nervousness. Although you wanted to tell him off, you knew it wasn't in you.

"I was just watching your back, man," you assured. "Imagine if that guy complained to Mike." You shook your head, "it would've looked bad for you."

Owen squinted down at you, his arms crossed. "Yeah, whatever man." He sucked his teeth. "I've been here much longer than you, alright? And that guy?" He nodded his head towards the man with the notebook. "He ruins the mood every time he comes here. Drives people away. He's a freak."

You lifted your hands in in innocence. "Well how was I supposed to know? You just interrupted me like-"

"You're new," he snapped. "I'm not. Don't go over me again."

You watched him walk away, your expression souring.

'Fuck you, Owen.'

The thought was so vivid in your mind, you swore you said it. You wished you could say something, you wished you had the courage. The guy looked normal, maybe a little weird, but normal for the most part. Owen was just a dickhead who couldn't handle not being in charge for once. You took a deep, shaky breath, regaining your composure.

Slowly, you walked back to your spot.