#surprise sex

[limitlessangel]

Let's play a game: I'll clean the house and you come bend me over when you get horny. 💁‍♀️

[a-frog-in-a-bog]

that poll going around asking how often you smoke weed and almost a third of ppl saying they’ve never smoked before, and that poll that revealed that over a third of tumblr users have never kissed anyone before, proves to me that stoners who have gay sex are a small but imperative part of the tumblr ecosystem. Keystone species

[scuderia-hamilton]

no cause i'm genuinely so angry about this. that man is facing criminal charges, he's a known white supremacist, a homophobe, a xenophobe, a misogynist, a sex offender and he's currently being applauded by the McLaren garage cause why not??? if i were a driver and i would see him in front of my garage i would simply resign. way to go f1, it's getting harder and harder to tolerate this day after day.

[razberrypuck]

in case you're wondering im still thinking about this fucking clip. episode one charlie confirms troy is bi episode two he's trying to hook up with a bear man

[phoenixyfriend]

something something one of those those "Jango falls for Courtesan/Stripper/NightclubSinger/TrophyWife!Obi-Wan" AUs...

But instead Obi-Wan actually being a sex worker, he's undercover and still a Jedi, and either:

They split ways and run into each other a few months later with Obi-Wan in full Prude Beige Knight mode OR

The situation goes pear-shaped while they're still flirting and Obi-Wan has to break cover to grab a senator and jump out a window and suddenly this half-dressed glittery Person is batting away shots with a lightsaber and there's a bratty twelve-year-old who ALSO has a lightsaber threatening people with I Will Eat Your Liver if they keep staring at his dad's ass just because the sequined sheathe dress tore in a sexy place

[hoshinasblade]

im about to sleep so you know what comes next... hoshina smut idea 💡

the defense force combat uniform is a body suit right, so just imagine hoshina wearing it and getting a boner... and you coming to his rescue by dry humping him in his office - he'd have to be sitting on his swivel chair, and you on top of him. he can't moan out loud in fear that the other officers would hear him, but it's not like he has the strength to ask you to stop. so he lets you rub your clothed pussy against him, promising himself he'll punish you later tonight - imagine how hot hoshina looks like coming undone beneath you and his dick isn't even inside you yet.

😩😩😩

[sendpseuds]

This [segment of a] comment that @underacalicosky left on Perfect Spiral has been on my mind since the moment I saw it and all I can think about is—

Anakin returns to the temple early from a long mission to find himself face to face with a man he doesn't recognize leaving the quarters he shares with Obi-Wan— tall, young, curls that almost touch his shoulders. Naturally, Anakin must confront this stranger who, to his horror, turns out to be a sex worker.

It’s not that Anakin has an issue with the profession, it’s just that—

"You’re here to see Obi-Wan? You were— with Obi-Wan Kenobi?"

"Look, man, I don't talk about my—“

"You will answer my questions."

"I will answer your questions."

Queue Anakin basically Force interrogating this poor man [over burgers and strong drinks because he’s not that cruel] learning things he’s definitely not ready to hear.

Obi-Wan first took him to bed almost a year ago.

He’s been tied up, spanked, made to hold what he describes as an ungodly cock in his mouth as the high Jedi general worked on battle plans and mission reports.

He describes Anakin’s master as his favorite client.

“What happens— after? You just— leave?”

“Not immediately. He’s sweet. Kind. He likes to make sure I’m okay.”

“Yeah. That sounds like—“

“But tonight— tonight was one of his sad nights. He wanted to hold me. Kept saying how much he missed me.”

Anakin is devastated. He feels like his hope is dying. Like he can’t breathe.

Until the man across the table huffs out a strange laugh.

“Well, no, not me. Obi-Wan misses him.”

“What? Who?”

“Anakin. When we’re together, he calls me Anakin.”

Obviously, chapter two is Obi-Wan’s POV, wondering why Anakin is acting so strangely until he realizes his former padawan is reenacting a scene he’s played out with his favorite sex worker, beat for beat.

[justaz]

merlin who stands against the wall while uther reprimands arthur, who stands behind arthur at dinners where uther’s disapproval and disappointment is apparent, who has been there when arthur is quiet and despondent after private meetings with his father, who has watched for years the sting of uther’s words and sometimes hands against his own son, who has bit his tongue and followed arthur with gentle hands and softer words as he puts the pieces back together of the man he knows and loves.

merlin watching uther lose his temper over arthur going against him for their people and watching arthur crawl into himself and shove his feelings down to be the emotionless prince his father expects of him. once uther’s rage has quelled somewhat, he dismisses arthur without another look and arthur leaves, his back ramrod straight and his chin held high despite the glazed look in his eyes, his last shot at keeping his composure. and merlin breaks, he glares at uther and waits until the doors shut to speak, in case arthur was close enough to hear.

merlin rants and raves at uther, calls him out on his bs, and tells him to be there for his son. ofc uther isn’t having any of it and yells back at merlin but merlin isn’t deterred and keeps going on and on about how much of a disappointment uther is as a father and how much better arthur deserves. uther steps in close and raises his hand as if to backhand merlin but he doesn’t. the two stare at each other, heated glare meeting heated glare, and finally uther mutters that he should have merlin flogged for speaking like that to him. merlin doesn’t waver as he welcomes uther too but he couldn’t just stand by and watch uther tear arthur apart anymore.

uther slowly lowers his hand and turns his back on merlin but he hasn’t given in to merlin’s argument so he switches tactics. he asks how uther expects arthur to be the sure, determined, and just king he is meant to be if uther won’t let him grow into his power and autonomy, let him learn his lessons and apply them as king. uther finally lowers his shoulders at merlin’s argument which just irks him more as uther clearly cares more for arthur as a future king rather than a son but he doesn’t point that out.

uther turns to stare at merlin and asks if he really just disrespected the king so horribly just for arthur, merlin nods once without hesitation and echoes “for arthur”. uther’s lips twitch despite himself and he nods and says how he is glad arthur has someone like merlin looking out for him. merlin tests his luck once more and responds that arthur could have more than just him, he could have a dad, not just a father.

merlin watches as arthur reports back to his father the next week about an expedition they had gone on to protect one of camelot’s outlying villages from raiders and uther grins wide and pulls arthur into an awkward side hug that’s more a complicated pat on his shoulder but at least it’s something. uther says openly how he’s proud and that camelot should feel lucky to have a prince who is looking out for her.

arthur is stunned and manages a slight bow to his father as he leaves (merlin and uther exchanging a glance and nod as he passes). merlin watches arthur as the room empties and a wide, proud smile stretches across his face. merlin feels warm and fuzzy at the sight and chuckles as arthur spins and pulls merlin into a similar side hug while laughing loudly. the two of them have the most fun that day, spending the rest of the daylight goofing off and running around with no particular goal in mind other than enjoying the day. it’s the happiest merlin has seen arthur be for such a long period of time.

[lilaccatholic]

Probably SUCH an unpopular opinion except in my little corner of the world, but BOY would Bridgerton so be my thing if it weren't for all the sex scenes

[redysetdare]

I'm tired of repulsed "positivity" posts always having "but romance negativity is bad" tacked on, as if t comes along with repulsion. Because Repulsion positivity needs a disclaimer because we are always seen as being negative. it's always "Sex and romance repulsion is valid AS LONG AS you're not Sex negative ^^" never just "Sex and romance repulsion is valid." end of sentence.

this ALWAYS happens on repulsed posts. We are always paired with sex negativity. And Im so sick and fucking tired of it. You never see this on sex and romance favorable posts. you never see people tack on how favorable people shouldn't push toxic sex positivity and shame people for not having sex.

I do not care if you think repulsed people are "prone to being sex negative" that thought process alone SHOWS that you don't understand us and don't fully support us. I hate you. I'm tired. It's obvious you see us as less willing of support all because you assume we are sex negative, a sentiment that gets tacked onto us for simply expressing our repulsion. I hate you. I'm tired.

I'm tired.

I'm tired.

[darcyolsson]

people actually genuinely shipping eric bogosian and assad zaman is so revolutionary to me I think all rpf should be between a 71 year old man and some theatre twink. quit it with the 20 year olds from youtube and boybands. only this from now on

[cyclogenesis]

Body Count. Logan/Wade, post-Deadpool & Wolverine, Explicit. 11,660 words.

In which the title refers to the number of sexual partners a person has had, despite what you might think. With digressions into wanton domesticity, temporary vampirism as an excuse for Logan to have the comics-accurate little kitty fangs (sorry), New York City apartment hunting, canon-typical intimations that Logan is Wade’s little pet Wolverine, photo ops on a dead Celestial, genuine and deep romantic feelings (sorry again), and what happens when you have an unlimited budget for cameos because this is a work of fanfiction and not a multi-million dollar movie.

Read it on AO3!

[fizzaro11i]

blah blah the girls are fighting and its super devastating or whatever but...

🎉🎀cloaca confirmed🎀🎉

[transmaverique]

amab and afab, if they were used as shorthand for the actual full phrases that they signify, with emphasis on the "assigned" part, and an understanding that they are enforcements of normative (ie, dyadic and cisgender and binary) sex, would be like. really useful. but people took the terms and started using them as shorthand FOR normative sex instead of the ENFORCEMENT OF normative sex. so when other trans people (almost always dyadic trans people) ask for your agab they are almost always asking for your Original Genital Situation. your starting point, so to say. and the reason FOR asking is also almost always bc they are trying to also enforce a certain kind of normativity within queer spaces (which is stupid bc being queer is inherently non-normative but here we are). like, you cant be a lesbian if you're ftm, bc you ARE m, so if you ARE a lesbian, then that means you're lying about some aspect of your identity. does that make sense?

it is always always always incredibly.... i do not trust dyadic trans people that use cagab terms, even moreso than i do not trust dyadic trans people that just use agab terms. agab is also coopted intersex language, but the "coercive" part of cagab SPECIFICALLY refers to medical "intervention" of intersex characteristics, such as "corrective" surgeries and hrt. i am deeply fucking suspicious of any dyadic trans person that uses those terms exactly the same as described above, even moreso if they do so bc "all gender is coercive".

like. yeah. that's true. but you use these terms to erase and overtake intersex discussions on the medical abuse of intersex infants. and i cant help but wonder why you would feel the need to do that.

[incorrect-gravescest]

(image is from DevLog Progress Report 5)

🩷: Heh, you know what they say about having sex while camping, Beloved. It's in-tents.

💚: ...

🩷: Did you hear what I said? I said sex while camping is in-tents beca-

💚: I heard what you said, dumbass, and the joke wasn't funny the first time! God, you suck.

🩷: Not with that kind of attitude I won't!

[macklesufficient]

today i’m thinking about how happy i am to no longer be twelve. remember how u were constantly living the most humiliating moment of your life? why was that?