#sweat* not swear although they do swear too i guess idk im not in their head

[lesbiandardevil]

mattnat/p except they're sweating just like me

[hugyoongs]

𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌

↠ summary: join the ride of seven best friends as they navigate their way through the stress, love, joy, and adventure that college brings.

↠ pairings: taejoon, 2seok, yoonkookmin

↠ genre: crack (honestly 95% of the book), angst, fluff

↠ word count: 966

↠ warnings: language as always

↠ a/n: so like if you follow this story on wattpad you would see that dahlia tends to update faster than me lol. so if you prefer reading on wattpad, you can click the link in the mastlist lol.

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𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙋𝙏𝙀𝙍 𝙁𝙄𝙑𝙀: 𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙏'𝙎 𝙉𝙊𝙏 𝙔𝙊𝙐𝙍 𝘿𝙄𝘾𝙆

[ the seven deadly sins ] 

namjukebox 

[1 attachment]

jimoaning

HOLY SHIT WE’RE IN CALCULUS

suckjin

oh god namjoon

suckjin

please tell me that is NOT your dick

namjukebox 

SHIT sorry that was for my anime girlfriend 

jimoaning

since when were we straight

jimoaning

nice dick though 

jeoncena 

JIMIN WTF

temptaetion

joon pls wear sweats next time you’re around me

temptaetion

gray sweats. 

jimoaning

but there are bigger and better things if yk what i mean

namjukebox 

god you're disgusting 

suckjin 

to be fair, you sent a DICK PIC

namjukebox 

but ************** over here has an 

obsession with certain dick

suckjin

OH AHAHA

suckjin

i still can't believe that ************** 

has a ***** on ******

temptaetion 

who has a crush on WHO?

minsugay 

omg who tf has a crush on hoseok

jimoaning

SEOKJIN

suckjin

jimin...its on sight

jimoaning

chill, i'm kidding

jimoaning

you're the only one who 

would look cute with hoseok *

suckjin

jimin i hope you know that your bitchass is 

sitting two desks in front of me

suckjin 

and what your ugly roach-ass doesn't know

is that i WILL NOT HESITATE to leak your little confession

minsugay 

JIMIN HAS A CRUSH ON HOSEOK 

hoesuck 

wait WHAT

jimoaning

MY NAME DOESN'T HAVE 14 LETTERS

hoesuck

EXPOSE HIM JIN

suckjin

you see, i am a LOYAL friend

suckjin 

i could never do that to jimin

hoesuck

for me?? :(

jimoaning

SEOKJIN I SWEAR TO GOD

jimoaning

I WILL REMOVE YOUR ABILITY TO EVER 

HAVE KIDS IF YOU EXPOSE ME

temptaetion 

why is everyone diverting the attention AWAY from namjoon's dick

jeoncena

bc it was for his anime girlfriend 

namjukebox 

it was for everyone :)

temptaetion 

can it be for me? 

namjukebox 

sure

temptaetion

;)

namjukebox

; )

jeoncena

stop fucking flirting

jeoncena

you guys are N A S T Y

suckjin

STOP GLARING AT ME JIMOAN

jimoaning

N O

minsugay 

jimin, we all know that you like hoseok

minsugay 

it's okay

jimoaning

THERE'S BETTER THAN HOSEOK

jimoaning

SHUT UP TINY DICK

suckjin

EXCUSE ME

hoesuck 

WHAT

suckjin

pm me for jimin's confession xoxo

jimoaning

N O 

suckjin

i should probably send it to ****** first 

hoesuck

OMG JIMIN LIKES YOONGI

jimoaning 

NO WTF GOD NO

jimoaning

YOONGI IS DISGUSTING 

jeoncena 

what

minsugay 

WHAT

-

[hoesuck has added suckjin to the conversation]

hoesuck

its yoongi isn't it

suckjin

ofc ofc

suckjin

i quote: idk what to do why are we so mean to each other but nice to each other at the same time it makes my heart go BOOM and that's not good because actually it is good but i love this feeling kind of ?? i want yoongi to make fun of me still but i also want to give him a lot of hugs and it is making me SAD 

hoesuck

omg jiminie is adorable 

suckjin

my braincells suffered tyvm

hoesuck 

FUCK HE'S SO CUTE AHH

hoesuck 

THIS FEELS LIKE A FANFICTION 

suckjin

plot twist: it IS a fanfiction

hoesuck

damn...i smell competition 

suckjin

what

hoesuck

isn't it obvious that jungkook wants yoongi too?

suckjin 

OH SHIT THE SPICAYY LOVE TRIANGLE

hoesuck

yoongi ain't even all that TF THEY SEE IN HIM

hoesuck 

sorry, excuse me for my language 

hoesuck

we are all equal in the eyes of our gay jesus

suckjin 

hold up, let's finish this during break

suckjin

i just heard prof. han just say that we're having a fucking test

hoesuck

WHAT

-

[ jimoaning has added minsugay to the conversation ]

jimoaning

tiny dick

minsugay 

wtf do you want 

jimoaning

i need to talk about something serious and i think 

that the others will just tell me i'm overreacting 

minsugay 

you're overreacting 

minsugay 

now leave me tf alone

minsugay 

i don't want to help you

jimoaning

yoongi pls :c

minsugay 

i said no

minsugay 

i mean NO

jimoaning

but i really need advice and ur smart

minsugay

fine. what's wrong?

jimoaning

i think that jungkook hates me :cc 

minsugay 

whait what

jimoaning

idk what i did

jimoaning

i even ran to the store last night to 

buy his fucking banana milk

jimoaning

it's a different vibe 

jimoaning

he's oddly snappy towards me as

if i did something but tbh idk what i did

jimoaning

he always leaves me on read too

jimoaning

i wanted to believe that he hated you for like

a few hours because maybe i was in denial and

didn't want to accept the fact that my best friend hates me

jimoaning

i don't want to lose him yoongi :cc

minsugay 

DID YOU TAKE HIS MAN

jimoaning

what ?? no i would never do that

minsugay 

idk jimin

minsugay 

you're my friend so obviously i 

don't know what you could've done

minsugay 

try and talk to him 

jimoaning

aRE YOU CRAZY

jimoaning

WHAT IF I'M WRONG AND THEN I SRSLY MAKE HIM HATE ME

minsugay 

and who cares

minsugay

the world won't stop because jungkook hates you

jimoaning

:c you're right i guess

minsugay 

although we hate each other, you can rely on me if you need advice...i probably won't give you any though

jimoaning

i fucking hate you

minsugay

love you too park 

-

[ jimoaning has added namjukebox to the conversation ]

jimoaning

NAMSJEJEIEJEKRNRJRJRJRKR

jimoaning

NAMJOOENEIRJEIRJRJRJRJRR

jimoaning 

NAMEJEJEKEJKEKRNRJEJEJRK

namjukebox

you were so close the second time

jimoaning 

NAMJOON

namjukebox

there ya go

namjukebox

are you ok

jimoaning

wHAT DOES GAY PANIC FEEL LIKE

jimoaning

TELL ME RIGHT NOW

namjukebox

and why are you asking me this

jimoaning

because u go into gay panic like every other day

namjukebox

i-

namjukebox

you’re not wrong 

jimoaning 

SO?!?!??!!?

namjukebox

….so what?

jimoaning 

WHAT DOES GAY PANIC FEEL LIKE

namjukebox

oh right lol

namjukebox

um you’re just panicking 

namjukebox

in gay

jimoaning

YEAH IM SOIMG THAT RIGHT NOW

namjukebox

soming 

jimoaning

ALRIGHT YOU DICK

namjukebox

calm downnnnn

namjukebox

now who has caused this panic

jimoaning

2 words

jimoaning

min fucking yoongi

namjukebox

that was 3 words

[girlbetweenryosuke]

“Rogue and Reigning” -- Chapter I

Chapter I: The Rogue Prince

Note: Hello! Ok so u might be thinking oh my god she’s making another story she aint gon finish bUT wait ok i swear im going to finish this. ALSO yes i didn’t put a watermark on the title thing bc it kind of ruins it?? I quite like it like really simple ya kno idk but anyway those aren’t my photos so ofc there’s no need for my watermark hAHAHAH

Teaser: (I don’t really have a good teaser so this is an excerpt from the second chapter)

“I’m someone who wants to step up, and you are someone who wants to step down. But quite surprisingly, we are both outcasts. I want the throne, and yet I am not given it. You want to be a commoner, and yet you are forced to wear a crown. I guess it’s natural that we envy each other... But maybe that’s why somehow, we complete each other. Opposites attract,

and I am well over attracted to you.”

“No.”

The word this young princess feared to hear the most. That’s especially when that was the answer to a request that she had built up an abundance of courage for. She was sitting on a cushioned seat, hands on her lap, ankles crossed and to the side as she sat up straight. She followed all the rules, she had all the manners, she was deemed as a perfect princess—and this was the only time she was willing to go against that title.

“Father, please.”, she begged as the king sat on his seat behind the desk. His arms on each armrest and legs apart as he huffed. “I cannot allow you to be the crowned queen.”, he said as Y/N looked down, tears welling up in her eyes. “But father,”, she looked up, scared to look him in the eyes. “I am the first-born child. I can be a good leader. I have been studying every single detail about our country’s history, politics, and economy since I have been a toddler. I am very much prepared!”, she continued.

The king leaned forward, sitting up from leaning on his chair as he looked her in her eyes. “Y/N, my dear, you have been studying our history, am I correct?”, he asked, and Y/N nodded, “Yes.”. “Then you must know that throughout our family’s 449-year reign, no woman has been appointed as a queen.”, he said the words that annoyed Y/N the most. “Goodness, even your mother wasn’t a queen. Women in this monarchy are only princesses. They cannot hold such power a king can have.”, he said.

Y/N huffed, looking away and shaking her head. “Well then, I suggest that there be a change.”, she looked him back in the eye as she regained confidence. This. This was the thing that drove Y/N to want to rule as queen. She wanted to prove that a woman can be leader-material. What a man can do, a woman can do too. Aside from that, she had planned for ages on what she wanted to change in her country of Seina.

Seina is an archipelago off the east coast of Japan. Since they were so near Japan, it was once part of it during the Heian period to around half of the Edo period. After they were separated from the country back in 1569, they were colonized by Europe and their first language of Japanese was mixed with English, creating their now first language, Seinese; their now second language, Japanese. The monarchy began with their first king, King Morita. He wrote in his will that his crown must be passed to a man, not a woman, and no one really understood why, but that is why kings must always have sons, no matter what. Y/N’s great-grandfather was the last child of 12 siblings, all of them being girls, which explains how grave they take his will.

And Y/N wants to know why.

She loved her country, that’s why she wanted to fix it. Poverty rates were rising, the economy was on the brink of collapsing, riots were forming here and there, and there was no escaping from the reality that her father’s reign was one of the worst. On top of that, the idea of misogynism was evident in the country taking from its beliefs that men and women aren’t equal beings. She went to charity works, she’d immersed with the crowd to study what wasn’t included in history books. She knew what had to be done, and she knew she had to do it now.

“There’s no need for a change when you have a little brother who is an heir to the throne.”, he replied. “Father, he is 6-years-old.”, she said with pity for her sibling who will soon be holding the burden of the crown. “In a year, once you’ve stepped down, Hiro will only be 7. He’s merely a child!”, she ranted. His forehead puckered, seemingly beginning to be annoyed at her words.

“Don’t paint be as a bad man when I am only following traditions.”, he urged. “Next year will be my 50th year of reign, and you know what that means, right?”, he asked as she gulped and nodded. “Every 50 years, we have to appoint the heir of the throne as king. In a year, I will teach him everything that Hiro needs to know.”, he said. “I will begin with manners, but apparently you need a brush up on your manners too.”, he said, setting Y/N aback as she silently scoffed to herself. “Do not be late for your flight to Japan, you must learn more about our history with them before you create these unrealistic ambitions for yourself. You are dismissed.”, he flicked his hand away, gesturing her to leave. She bit the inside of her cheek, standing up and bowing deeply, her right hand hesitantly on her left chest, “Excuse me.”. She left the room with fire in her chest, feeling anger in her veins.

She had more than one reason for wanting to be a queen. She loved her country, she loved to serve, she wanted to break the foolish traditions and on top of that—

“Y/N…”, her brother approached her, tugging on the sleeves of her dress. She turned around to see Hiro, teary-eyed, and pouting. She pouted, squatting down to hug her brother, petting the back of his head. “Did he say yes?”, he faltered. Y/N looked down as tears started to drip down her cheek, “No.”, she hesitantly answered as the little boy’s breath hitched. He then began to wail, face red, strings of saliva appeared when he opened his mouth and his face wet with tears. She rubbed his small back as she comforted him. “I don’t want to be the king. I don’t want to be the king.”, he cried.

On top of that, Y/N loved her little brother.

 In her room, she let her body fall on her bed, feeling tired from putting a brave front to confront her father. “If it meant to rule a country, I wish I was a man.”, she said to herself, arms on her forehead as she stared at the ceiling. Then, there was a knock on the door. “Come in.”, she said as she heard the door open and close. “Princess Y/N, someone wishes to have an audience with you.”, her trusted maid, Kiera, said. “Who is that someone?”, Y/N asked as Kiera cleared her throat. “He wishes for me to not reveal his name.”, she repressed a smile.

Then, Y/N, sprang up, knowing exactly who “he” was. She slipped on a robe and ran out into the corridor, Kiera frantically trying to catch up to her. Y/N quickly ran downstairs and out into the front courtyard to find the most dashing man in her eyes, Riinen. Riinen is her best friend, a son of a cabinet member. His caramel-colored hair was always slicked back, he had gray-blue eyes and thick brows. He always looked neat, not a strand of hair out of place, not a wrinkle on his shirt, neither a spot on his shoes unpolished. She loved him—well to be fair, everyone did. He was a truly perfect man.

But the thing Y/N wishes she could see, was the true him. She’d never seen him cry, despite the many times he had seen her cry. She’d never seen him tired or sweat, he always looked like some Ken doll. She’d never seen him in his casual clothing, he’s always in a white long-sleeved polo, and black slacks and black polished shoes. She wanted to see more of him. She wanted to fall more in love with him, but he was acting like a prince that doesn’t break walls to let people in. She hated that—well to be fair, everyone did.

She jumped to him, wrapping her arms around him as she kissed his cheek as he carried her. “I missed you!”, she pulled away and he laughed, “Not as much as I missed you, Your Highness.”. She let go of him, letting her feet touch the ground again. She gestured for them to walk together to which he nodded. Her maid followed along, out of hearing-range so that they could privately talk. “So how was Canada?”, she asked, “It was extremely cold!”, he complained, a smile on his face as he rubbed his shoulders, pretending to shiver.

“Colder than Mt. Sundire?”, she asked, pertaining to the coldest mountain in Seina. “Colder than Mt. Sundire.”, he nodded, and she shivered. “Was it fun, though?”, she asked, looking up at him. “Oh, for sure it was. Mary and I had a great time sight-seeing and such.”, he smiled. She looked down at the thought that he was having fun with another girl. “Hey, don’t be so sad.”, he lightly turned her shoulders to turn to him. She looked into his dreamy eyes as she gulped. “Mary is just a girl, so don’t be so jealous.”, he smiled.

She blushed remembering that Riinen did in fact know that Y/N loves him. He’s already accepted it, and even teases her for it. Although he has never been clear with his feelings, he does show his affection to her, making Y/N both confused and happy at the same time. As she looked into his eyes, she noticed how cold looking they were, beautiful, but unwelcoming. They say a person’s eyes were the windows to one’s soul, and yet she couldn’t see anything in them. His eyes were empty. “Would you like to go out with me? Have a little drink?”, he asked her, and she pursed her lips and hesitantly shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I have to fly to Japan today, I have an official meeting with the Emperor’s grandchildren.”, she pouted.

That was a lie. No, the official meeting was not the lie, but the true reason behind Y/N visiting Japan is not for her to meet the Emperor’s grandchildren. The real reason as to why she was going there was to research more about why Seina was separated from Japan. She needed an explanation as to why there were so many misogynistic traditions in their culture. And, she desperately needed an answer as to why the first king, King Morita, did not want women to lead the country.

He smiled and tilted his head, then pouting, “I guess I’ll have to drink alone again, Your Highness.”. “Hey, don’t drunk text me again, alright?”, she smiled, lightly pushing his chest as he laughed. “Princess Y/N.”, Kiera bowed with her hand on her chest and called her. Y/N turned to her and nodded, “It is time to leave. Your luggage is all packed and placed in the vehicle and is waiting for your arrival.”, she said as Y/N pursed her lips and nodded. “Alright.”. “I guess I’ll be going now.”, she smiled and patted Riinen’s chest. “See you!”. “See you, Your Highness!”.

After Y/N changed into her proper clothes, she rode a limousine to the airport, and from there, she rode an airplane to Japan. It only took an hour until she was already stepping on the Japanese grounds. She was greeted by various politicians, performers, and had to pass and greet different people before she was able to be in her own private space in a car.

“Are you alright, Princess Y/N?”, Kiera asked, sitting in the front seat next to the driver. “I’m perfectly fine, thank you.”, she replied, sighing and looking out the window. She examined the environment, finding everything beautiful and amazing how color coded-like the city was. The streets were clean, and very seldom would you see a piece of trash on the ground. It was very much different from Seina where the streets of the rural areas would have trash and homeless people. She wishes to fix that—very soon.

They arrived at the palace, Y/N noticing 3 women of her age lined up with a little boy in the middle. The driver opened the door for her, and she stepped out as the four of them bowed to her, “Good afternoon, Princess Y/N.”, they said in unison. Y/N smiled and returned the bow, with her hand on her left chest, “Good afternoon, Princess Chihiro, Princess Misaki, Prince Mamoru, and Princess Airi.”. It was a mouthful to say all of their names, just imagine if there were more.

She was then led into the palace with smiles as they toured her around. She noticed how Chihiro held Mamoru’s hand, and how young he truly is. “Prince Mamoru is the heir to the throne, isn’t he?”, Y/N said, and they nodded, Mamoru showing a wide smile on his face. “I hear your baby brother is too?”, Misaki asked, and Y/N hesitantly nodded. “Tentatively.”, she added as they nodded. “Mamoru is still young and has a long way to go. He wouldn’t be the heir if someone shaped himself up.”, Airi added, and the three siblings hushed her as she lightly bowed. “Someone?”, Y/N asked. “No one. I’m sorry, let’s continue the tour.”.

Throughout the whole day, Y/N had meals with the grandchildren, did some entertaining activities, and during dinner, there was a performance by some local artists. She barely had enough time to sneak around, neither did she know where to go in the first place. She was thinking that maybe the library would have some texts, but she didn’t know where it was located.

It’s now nighttime, Y/N was lying down on her bed, wearing her long, white, satin nightgown as she twisted her hair around her finger, staring at the ceiling. She was waiting for everyone to fall quiet and asleep so that maybe she could look for the library then, but throughout Y/N’s stay in the palace, she’s been hearing whispers here and there. No, it wasn’t some ghostly whisper, rather they were gossips from the maids and stewards. She could hear them talk in the hallways from her room.

She sat up from her bed and walked over to the door to press her ear on it to hear what they were talking about. “He hasn’t been home in a week!”. “I hear he’s doing it again.”. “Oh goodness, when will he stop?”. “He’s such a disgrace.”. “He really lives up to his title as the rogue prince, huh.”.

Y/N began to become curious. Curious to know what they were talking about and curious to know who this rogue prince was. Then suddenly, chattering stopped, and frantic footsteps filled the hallways. Y/N slowly opened the door, peeking to see maids running around as if there was an emergency. Then, she let her whole-body slip through as each maid that passed by bowed to her.

Then, she spotted Kiera calmly walking by with a glass of milk for Y/N. “Kiera,”, she summoned a maid as she bowed to her. “Yes, Princess Y/N.”. “What is with all the maids panicking?”, she asked, as the maid looked down, “I’m deeply sorry, Princess Y/N, did they disturb you?”. “No, no. Not at all. I am just a little bit curious.”, she said. “Oh, well, I’m not quite sure as to why there is such a ruckus, but I have heard something about a rogue prince.”, she informed her.

Y/N’s eyes widened as she quickly ran back in to slip on a robe and run back out into the hallways. “Princess Y/N!!”, Kiera placed the glass of milk down on a table and frantically ran after her. “Who is he? Who is he? Who is he?”, it repeated in her mind as she made her way to the indoor balcony, overlooking the entrance of the palace. She leaned on the polished wooden railing and looked down at the doorway. As the maids quickly turned to walk away from the entrance, a man entered, shuffling sluggishly like he had either a few drinks, or he was tired. Or maybe both.

He was wearing a sweatshirt, his hands in his outerwear’s pocket. He was wearing sweatpants, sneakers, and his hair was dark brown and ruffled. Then at that split moment, he looked up, showing his face, as their eyes met. They were these beautiful dark brown orbs; his eyes were gorgeous. They were warm, they were welcoming, they were open—she saw through them. His nose was tall, his lips looked soft and pink, his skin looked flawless aside from the bags under his eyes and some dirt and dust on either of his cheeks. He looked… handsome.

Suddenly, all the different sounds surrounding them fell mute in their ears. They couldn’t hear a single footstep, not a single clock ticking, nor a door creaking; nothing. To them, it felt like all they could hear were each other’s heartbeats. Synchronized, fast, and thumping hard. One couldn’t explain what was happening, but they were certainly amazed. The corner of her lips started to curve into a light smile.

“So this… is the Rogue Prince?”

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 81

i keep talking to myself all the time - no not cause im mad or alone - but like i said earlier - i pretend like its ‘him’ and just him. meaning, no, im not those people who talk to themselves cause they enjoy doing it, or like um neither those who talk to themselves cause they dont have anyone else to talk to - but rather, -i-just-talk-to-him-

wow, no that was a nice way to put it out there. so much for defending myself lol

ok so im kinda energetic - as in -my mood is- i am not, physically energetic though. i mean i just spent the last hour and a half in bed scrolling through my phone until my phone shut off cause it ran out of charge and only then i dragged myself slowly to the washroom to pee which i shouldve done 60 minutes ago. so yeah - very lazy 

speaking of time. WTH is going on with this world? i feel like the number of seconds in one minute is a subject to small rise and falls like the world currencies! I mean seriously, i swear nowadays “1 minute” = “EIGHTY seconds” No Kidding!!!! It all started from after fajr today!!!!! 

yeah so after fajr today, at first i kind of blanked out - as in - that rush, impatience and i dont even know how to describe it - kinda feeling i was telling? about missing him and all that? like i need some action something to happen and wow this is such an off season - so yeah i was kind of stuck in my chair,, just switching from one social media to another doing nothing literally other than idk - trying to fast forward life and hit play somewhere cool ugh ok

so then something happened and it cheered me up and i got on the treadmill as was planned. usually do 3 hours but i knew doing 3 now, including my tiny 3-5 min breaks every 30 mins would take too long 

anyways ended up doing two hours at around 7 30 and then was too tired to take a shower so i just pulled a bed sheet from my closet and slept on the floor, cause no way im putting my stinky body to bed. 

when i got up, prayed zuhr and YESSS i did the one hour i skipped in the morning and yeah well thats pretty much it for the day. i mean then i sat and ate and then went to the hosp came back, chilled and still chilling right now as im typing :) 

oh something i said yesterday about how i wish life was full of action like in movies. like i just wish it was although i know its BS thats totally against how this life works. whats more surprising is how i actually wish for stupid stuff - i mean you know how on social media - one gets to present themselves the way they want. i mean you can be anything. happy sad widow married depressed gay - its like - its in your hands - how do you want to present yourself to the world mam? yeah you get my point? but like i lot of people fall for it. you look into others posts and you might wonder how their life is so wonderful and yours is not, how someones life is picture perfect and yours is not and BLABLABLA but Lol - i neverrrrr fell for that. pretty much cause i sugar coat my life too loool 

Its actually funny - im actually laughing - anyways where im getting at with this is - i was thinking about it - i mean for someone like me who never fell for all the crap people put up on display on social media - i sure am one hell of a dreamer to ‘wish’ for a busy ‘movie-like’ all colorful life. But then again in my defense - those are real people and people are full of crap so yeah i dont fall for their shit but i mean a movie is a well organised script being played out - ofcourse you ‘wishing’ for something like it is acceptable yasss (whatever makes you sleep at night:3 ) 

Also i assure you my vocabulary aint that poor, i just seem to lose my words when im posting anything here. mostly cause i have no words - everything is so messy and twisty and complicated Ugh 

Also its really weird that i feel like a days just passed by too fast this week. i mean i mustve slipped. i mean im like a human clock. lol i mean it. i mean when im not on vacation - and you ask me the time, anytime - my guesses are so close to accurate - like im aware of every second ticking by - now, im just saying im aware of it - that doesnt really mean i make the most out of time - but then i do know how precious it is, and i do feel like crap when im just shitting it away. and just randomly wasting time is one thing, but trust me when you are aware youre doing shit - ouch that burns! 

so august is coming, and i was kind of planning on fasting - i mean i didnt fast in july cause i wanted to get used to working out and fasting would just be disturbing. but yeah now its almost august and i think i should fast - for like the whole month - yeah :) cause i barely fasted for i think 8 days this Ramadan i need to make all the rest of it up. AND THEN AFTER THAT, it is sunnah but not one im actually brave enough to do to be honest but but but i think i have no choice - i mean i think i have to fast like every monday or thursday every week - cause i have a lot and a lot of fasting to do to make up for ALLLLL the ones i missed my entire life and trust me thats quite a lot - not the normal amount any girl would miss - cause ive been having problems and so i had to skip a lot and stuff - and i never kept an exact count - well actually its impossible cause its been a problem for years but then i do have to admit that i never tried either - cause idk- i guess i kind of took it as - oh cmon its just fasting - i mean i think i missed around 20 roughly - so ill just fast 30 - thatll cover it up plus ill fast extra - which is a good thing and blabla all that random thoughts! 

anyways i should now just focus on the 30 i wna fast for this year, in august but idk i have to come up with some legit plan where my work out schedule fits in perfectly too. both  are important to me, and im not choosing one over the other, i dont want to and i dont have to inshaAllah 

oh just a random thing - but i go for brands! Meaning, you know if something is sold by a really well known brand youd obviously expect it to have good quality and most of the time yes youre right. sometimes, nope! but then there are things which are not “branded” but the quality is amazing, and the price? well most of the time it is cheaper, but yeah i guess sometimes the price is almost similar - well the thing is - i am the type of person - whod want the brand name on PLUS the quality. like if there were 2 bags for example or two shoes, SAME quality, but one is cheaper ONLY cause it does not have a famous brand name on it - i am definitely the person whod pay wayyyy wayyy more for the branded one! - SO now you know the type of person i am :) :) :) :) 

Lol im sure that kind of information is something a lot of people would use to judge someone :3 But then im not all so irrational loool - like thats definitely something that is “goals” for me! I mean, i am a medical student being financially supported by my dad right now and will be for atleast the next 3 years. ATLEAST! ATLEAST! ATLEAST! 

SO yeah im not saying i cant afford branded products right now but i sure am not comfortable living a life of luxury at this phase of my life. I want to earn it. With my own sweat and energy. I want to tell myself that i deserve it. So yeah, thats the type of person i am but im not currently ‘practicing’ it like religion and one day IF i do, i know it will be something i earned and something Allah will not be unhappy with, because I am not planning to disappoint Him 

Okay enough with that. i really dont need to talk about it as long as i know ill be alright inshaAllah 

Oh something really interesting - so i REALLY REALLY need to smile. like NOT “smile more” but like “SMILE” for gods sake hahhaha. I mean idk - its like i hate people so much and idk i feel like everyone for some reason is turning against me or doesnt like me, and its not like i even care or want them to like me and thats exactly why im like all -pokerface-pokerface- but like cmooooon! if youre really talking to someone, something as simple as a short interaction in the hospital for example with the receptionist or pharmacist - i mean cmoon - just smile a little? i mean i REALLY need to work on it. cause if i am planning on being a doctor - OH PLEASE - smiling is part of the job OH WAKE UP LADYYY!!!!!!! 

but like im not kidding - like i just said - i feel like everyone for some reason is turning against me or doesnt like me. and ofcourse its not true, i mean MOST people dont even know me. like in the hospital i went to today for example - whyd everyone hate me? :) i mean idk its just something i feel. its weird. but sheeeeeet. have to work on it. fake a smile honey :) 

Okay and idk how wrong or right it is. but i thought of it and i dont feel like there is any harm to it. Like, id like to have the idea in my head that me and him, we love each other and we are meant to be together one day. inshaAllah. For which i always and always pray to Him and ask from Him. But as of right now, we are not together. but deep deep deeeeep deeeeeeeeeep deeeeeeeeeeeeeep and deeeeeeeeeeep’errr in my heart i keep telling myself that. We are.

now idk if its wrong, or right - but - i believe it is not making me do something which might anger my Lord.  All what it does is calm my heart. a little. And so i guess its okay! At least for now, i cant let go of the idea. Not today <3  Tada, guess thats enough for today! 

xox