#tagged sober the next day bc i like it and the mine tag is for writing/art/etc

[bakurapika]

cannot recommend highly enough as a grown-up to learn new little hobbies and come back to things you could do as a kid

i'm learning how to play go (yes, because of manga) - i had tried as a kid, and I remember the desperate searching through local stores to find anything related - back when even buying something on eBay was still sketchy enough for a credit-card-owning parent to be hesitant. i'm bad! but the absolute rush from beating the AI on the easiest setting - the glee when watching beginner guides and realizing that i already knew that term - i was able to solve that problem

when i was 11, i got a clarinet - i went for one year to a fancy school (expensive tuition but discounted because my mom worked for them) where you were required to buy and play an instrument for music class. I liked the saxophone, but clarinets were much cheaper and money was tight.

I'd had to take music lessons of various types through my childhood, and now as an adult i realize that the reason i struggled so much was that grown-up instruments are made for grown-up hands! playing chords on the piano or guitar made my fingers hurt, and I was told I would get over it if I practiced enough - but I didn't mean "callouses," I meant "my fingers can't stretch that far without pain and discomfort." (as an adult, if I play guitar, I play my 7/8th size cordoba, and even that isn't as easy as it could be.)

all that to say, i grew to dislike any musical instrument that played chords. reeds are a whole other beast, and i don't know what I learned as a kid (embouchure??), but I've always been able to pull that clarinet out and at the very least make some musical sounds come out of it. which i got the urge to do recently. I'm still not living alone but I've been sneaking time to play. and i bought new reeds for the first time since 2005.

i was squeaky as hell of course! even with the new reeds, still embarrassingly so! but i've been playing just for the fun of it when I feel like it. and I realized yesterday when I squeaked that it was the first time I'd done it that day after a half hour or so of fiddling around, where even 2 weeks ago, i was squeaking every minute at least. And I can comfortably reach lower notes because I'm adjusting my breath the right way to do so, without having been intentionally practicing.

I know this is getting long. my point is just

a reminder to myself as much as anything else. going back to being bad at something seems embarrassing. you don't need to be able to perform it (while being allowed to show off if you want to, in a space that you think will get positivity)

and somehow that being-bad allows for some really cool surges of excitement and surprise when you are already so much better!

when i briefly was actually in the habit of exercising and found i was much stronger than i had been, had more muscles than before, even though I was barely working a sweat, my friend told me those are called "noob gains" by the bodybuilding community. i'm stealing that. i want noob gains in everything. to put in that little bit of effort to learn the ropes and get better!

it doesn't matter if i don't ever play go again in my life, if I get bored with it tomorrow. I still had fun, genuine pride, feeling like I learned something new. and we never leave these things behind, not really. my mouth still knows how to put noise into clarinet. if in 20 years i want to join an orchestra, i can start intensive training then. and i'll be able to do that because for a week or two, every once in a long while, I picked it up and had fun with it

[richietoaster]

It’s Just That Simple

reddie

words: 1,245

playlist

READ ON A03

For Sadie @beproudtozier

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if you don’t mind not having to read it formatted, you can read it below:

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Pretty brown eyes that glow the perfect shade of caramel in the sun. That’s the first thing Eddie sees when he opens his own, just beauty staring right back down at him. It takes him a moment to catch his breath, slowly waking up from his afternoon nap in the sun. 

“Well good morning to you too,” Richie says, sitting next to him on the glider in his backyard. “Have a nice nap?”

The thing is, Eddie’s always been closest to Richie, out of all of their friends. Not in a bad way, just a different way. Everyone knows they’ve always been different. Since day one it’s been RichieandEddie. Inseparable. 

“No,” Eddie mutters and turns his head, to block the glare. “I had a dream about graduation again.” 

Richie moves Eddie’s legs to place them over his lap. “Why do you stress about it?”

“It’s not that I’m stressed. It’s just I..” I don’t wanna ever be without you. “I’m afraid of not having all of you around when we all go to college. It won’t be the same.”

“Come on, Eds.” Richie rubs his knee. “Losers stick together. It’s not like we’re gonna forget about each other.”

“Yeah, I know.” Eddie flings an arm over his face. “Just all my life I’ve had you guys and I’m not ready for that change. And.. and you know how my mom was when I was younger. I wasn’t even allowed to go out more than twice a week until I was sixteen!”

“But you saw me- still see me almost everyday. She’s never found out that I’m Spiderman.”

“You’re not Spiderman.”

“Yes huh!” Richie argues, laughing. “How do you think I climb up to your window, huh? With my spidey powers.” He imitates Spiderman’s hand movement and pretends to throw a web.

“You’re a child,” Eddie laughs and knocks his knee against Richie’s chest, gently.

“You love me,” Richie tells him.

Eddie goes quiet, but their silence isn’t awkward. In his head all he can think about is everyone moving away and never seeing each other again. All he can think about is Richie. Richie’s dumb jokes, his smile, the way he knows how to comfort his friends, specifically himself. Thinks about his dumb face and how he makes him more confident in himself, the way he helped Eddie come out when he was ready. He remembers in third grade when he accidentally broke a pair of scissors and Richie took the blame for him, when he didn’t need to do that. 

All he can think about is Richie, whom Eddie knows that without him, he’ll never feel the same. He’s never had to imagine life without him and he doesn’t want to. He thinks that this is how it’s supposed to feel, how love feels. 

And what if he never tells Richie about his feelings? What if Richie feels the same way and Eddie will never know?

Eddie suddenly feels very nauseated and sits up, his chest nearly colliding with Richie’s arm. “I’m not stressed about the future, Richie.” He admits. 

“What’s buggin’ ya? You can talk to me, you know.”

“I’m.. I’m maybe afraid of it, but not stressed..” Eddie sighs. “We’re graduating, Rich. In just a little over a month, we’re not going to be high schoolers anymore. We’re gonna be thrown blindly into the world and I need you all by my side. I know we have one more summer before we all start college in the fall but I really can’t help thinking about one thing.”

“What is it?”

Eddie takes a breath. “I walked into high school, nearly 4 years ago, afraid of myself. It wasn’t because I couldn’t accept myself, but who I couldn’t accept that I had the hugest crush on. Then in sophomore year I thought it got better, because he got a girlfriend, and I thought that maybe this was my chance to finally get over him, you know?”

Richie stutters, “Uh, W-What happened?”

“They broke up within like two months. The girlfriend came up to me and said they broke up because of me. She gave him an ultimatum and he chose me.” He hears Richie’s breath catch. This is it, he’s really telling him how he feels.. 

“Junior year came and went, but my feelings didn’t go anywhere. I figured that I could just shelter them, that I could just hold them in and never tell him and I never did. Although, we got drunk one night and I told him that I loved him but I don’t think he remembers, and if he does, he either never said anything, or just rolled it out as something stupid I said when we weren’t sober…” Eddie looks over at Richie, who’s staring at him wide-eyed. “Do you think he remembers?”

“He does..” Richie plays with the ripped pattern on his jeans, knuckles touching Eddie’s leg occasionally. “What about senior year?”

“What about it?” 

“What happened with the guy?”

“Well..” No turning back now. “I’m desperately afraid of losing him. I’m afraid of nothing ever being the same once we leave Derry. I’m afraid he’ll forget about me. But, most importantly, I’m afraid of never feeling anything in my life ever again, the way I feel about you.”

Richie’s head turns to him, slowly, and he visibly swallows, “Eds, I- There’s nobody in this world that I give a damn about, when it comes to you, you know that, right? God, you gotta fucking know.. I- I wrote you a fucking love letter for your birthday, how could you not think that I..?”

“Maybe I’m just stupid.”

“Or oblivious. We’re both oblivious, clearly.”

“I thought you were mocking me, if I’m honest. I thought you caught on to how I feel and you were just pulling another joke.” Eddie admits. 

“Even if I didn’t feel the same way, I’m not fucking cruel.” Richie shakes his head, “I would never do that to you.”

“What are you, then? Because I’m so fucking in love with you, sometimes I feel like my mind’s gonna explode. You make me feel like I’m gonna burst, like every second of every day.”

“You make me feel free.”

“Free?” 

“Yeah.” Richie shrugs. “Your feelings have more complexity to it and mine are just.. Simple. And that’s why we work best.”

“It’s just that simple..” Eddie breathes, 

“Yeah,” Richie agrees.

They’re both still, and there’s a breeze, and the way the wind makes the swing move, he can see Richie’s eyes gleam again, he can see the way they flicker down to his mouth. Eddie makes the quick decision to reach up to take Richie’s cheek in hand, leaning up to slot their lips together. Richie parts them the second they touch, letting years and years of yearning and pining take control, grasping Eddie’s knee tightly.

Yet, their kiss doesn’t last too long, as Mrs. Tozier comes outside.

“Hey boys, I made lunch- oh.”

The two pull apart and Eddie removes his legs from Richie’s lap. 

“Hi, Maggie.” Eddie wipes his mouth not-so-discreetly. 

“I just wanted to tell you both that I made lunch,” Maggie tells them, “Just come in whenever you’re ready.. Okay?”

“Okay,” the two say in unison. 

The second she’s back inside they begin to laugh uncontrollably, but stop when Richie gives him a look that definitely says ‘i’m totally gonna kiss you again’, so Eddie shuts up and lets himself just be.. free. Because, yeah, it is that simple. 

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TAG LIST: (im gonna be starting a new one soon bc this is so old)

Perma taglist- ASK TO BE ADDED OR REMOVED

@eds-trashmouth @are-you-reddie-for-it @reddietofall @not-reddie @spilling-tea @summerxle @richiefuckfacetozier @tozier-boy @eds-kas @kotoamor  @sad-synth @edsbrak @burymestanding @whos-bitch-is-this @reddie-to-go @toziuh @missingstanleyuris @60swolfhard @reddiesetrichie @decaffeinatedpostmoon @casuallysarcasticblonde @ohheydatsme @its-stranger-than-you-think  @aesteddie @rad-reddie @llama-in-a-bubble @waypunsarelife @he-wasnt-reddie @eddieo-spaghettio @blushingreddie @onlyreddie @belbys @itchytoaster @totaltozier @coffeekaspbrak @roobarrtrashmouth @strange-reddie-loser @girasol-eddie @20gayteeneds @hiyo-silver @lo-v-ers@stellarlosersclub @coffeekaspbrak @loveoflosers @reddies-spaghetti @tinyarmedtrex @thorn-harvester-ven @ransonejames wizzo-the-fucking-wizard @thundercatseddie

[amandagaelic]

Fanfic Tag (bc, Sunday)

I was tagged by @waitingforthestarstofall and @disappearinginq who are two of my favorite enablers over here. And according to at least one of them, there are no rules in this game, which means my replying many moons later is all good (right?). 

Questions:

Ao3 Name: gaelicspirit (same on FF.net)

Fandoms: Supernatural, The Young Riders, White Collar, Hawaii Five-0, Sons of Anarchy (all only on FF.net), The Musketeers, Daredevil, Teen Wolf, Timeless, MacGyver, Magnum, P.I. (on both Ao3 and FF.net)

Number of fics: 75 (+ 1 WIP)

1. Fic you spent the most time on: From Yesterday

2. Fic you spent the least time on: Raincheck

3. Longest Fic:  From Yesterday   (286,050 words)

4. Shortest Fic: Sacrifice (2,315 words)

5. Most hits: Devil to Pay (on Ao3...no clue on FF.net)

6. Most kudos: Devil’s Own (huh, I’ve never compared these stats before...maybe I should write more Daredevil)

7. Most comment threads:  Devil’s Own (on Ao3), Ramble On (on FF.net)

8. Fave Fic you wrote: This is a toughie. I love them all when I’m writing them...I think maybe it’s a 3-way tie between War Scars, From Yesterday, and Conairt. The first two were as AU as I generally get (I’ve a tendency to be a bit canon-bound) and that was fun to explore possibilities with those characters, and the 3rd was basically the story I wanted to read but couldn’t find anywhere...so I wrote it myself. 

9. Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: Hmmm. I don’t know that I’d actually rewrite any of them. They exist in my mind the moment they’re being created and then once out there in the world for all to see, that’s who they are, scars and all. I have occasionally thought about expanding on my White Collar story, Fortunate Son to explore what happened next. Though, now that the show has ended, it would be 100% AU. I guess anything I would really want to take further would be a new story in and of itself, so it wouldn’t really count as “expanding” on it. 

10. Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning:

I started another MacGyver fic last weekend called “Hello to the Night.” I’m about 25K-ish words into it and still playing it out. It’s a bit of pandemic therapy for me, to be honest. It’s really hard to get out of my own head these days, it seems.  Premise: Set  around S4 episodes 9 and 10. Turns out emotional trauma + concussions + experimental drugs don’t mix quite as easily as one might think. Mac’s dark side does more than toss him a creepy grin from the other side of a window when getting “lost in his head” is taken up a notch.

Excerpt:

Another streak of light cut like a white-hot tracer bullet across the darkest part of the sky.

“You out here making wishes on shooting stars?” Bozer asked, tapping the back of his fingers into the palm of his opposite hand.

It caught his attention then that Mac was clad only in a T-shirt and shorts; it almost looked like they were the clothes he’d gone to sleep in, not grabbed for a planned midnight run.

“These aren’t stars,” Mac corrected him, his voice sounding strangely detached from the moment. “That light is caused by dust and rock falling through the atmosphere and burning up—happens when the Earth passes through a trail of debris left by a comet as it orbits the Sun.”

Bozer felt his mouth tug up in a reflexive grin. “Is that right?”

“My dad gave me my first telescope when I was eight,” Mac continued in the same, oddly modulated tone, as if he were speaking in a dream. “Showed me how to find the constellations, track comets. I took it apart one day and he wouldn’t help me put it back together again. Said I obviously needed to know how it worked, so I should figure it out.”

Bozer remembered that telescope. He remembered James MacGyver’s stern face as Mac worked to rebuild it from the collection of parts scattered around them in piles organized by size and use. He remembered fearing that face.

“I did, too. Figure it out.”

“Yeah, I know, man,” Bozer smiled, watching Mac watch the starts. He frowned a little when he saw a hard shiver chase its way through Mac’s slim frame, though the blond man didn’t seem to notice.

“It’s like they were mine, y’know?”

Bozer’s frown deepened. “What—”

“And for a little bit there, it felt like he gave them to me,” Mac continued as though Bozer hadn’t spoken. “Like the whole universe was mine because he let me see it. But…,” Mac shook his head, his eyes distant as they tracked down from the sky and skimmed the horizon in front of them. “Then he took them away. He took them with him when he left. And I can’t figure out how to get them back. I keep trying, but…they’re just…,” he looked back up at the night sky, “they’re so far away.”

Bozer reached out and rested his fingertips on Mac’s bare arm, flinching back a little when he felt how chilled his friend’s skin was. He couldn’t see it before, but with that touch he realized Mac was shivering consistently now.

“Hey, Mac, you okay, man?”

Mac blinked, looking down at Bozer’s fingers on his arm, then frowned. He glanced around him slowly, tracking over to his left until their eyes met.

“Bozer?”

“Yeah?”

“What…what are you doing here?”

Bozer blinked, his eyebrows climbing his forehead. He tightened his grip on Mac, wrapping his fingers around his friend’s forearm until he felt the other man’s shivers through the bones of his hand.

“I was looking for you,” Bozer said truthfully, trying to keep the worry from his voice as he watched Mac look around him, over his shoulder to where the Griffith’s domed building loomed in the shadows, then back across the dark horizon to the lights of Los Angeles. “You decide to go for a midnight run or something?”

Mac swallowed hard, reaching up with a trembling hand to rub at his forehead. Bozer recalled his tired voice claiming his headache had a headache earlier that day—no, last night—in the lab. He dropped his hand and looked around again and Bozer realized what he was seeing was a growing awareness and recognition—and it frightened him.

“What the hell are we doing out here?” Mac asked, his voice sounding thin, baffled.

“Mac,” Bozer gripped his arm tighter. “I found you out here.”

Mac looked at him, blue eyes cloudy with confusion. “What?”

“I found you, man.”

Mac darted his tongue out, wetting dry lips, his shivering increasing until Bozer saw his teeth start to chatter.

“I don’t…I don’t remember…,” he shook his head. “I don’t remember leaving the house.”

Bozer folded his lower lip against his teeth, biting it to keep whatever noise that wanted to escape a prisoner. “Well, how ‘bout we head back there now?”

Mac nodded shakily and moved to slide off the fence. Bozer saw in a split second the ground was too far below him for Mac to land safely. He thrust out his arm and braced his friend, swinging his leg back over the fence to the paved walkway and pulling Mac backwards with him. Mac scrambled to find his footing, standing on trembling legs as he gripped Bozer’s shoulders.

“Holy shit,” Mac took a stuttering breath as if he’d forgotten that was what his lungs were supposed to do, straightening slowly. “How the hell did I…?”

Bozer shook his head. “How about we don’t worry about that right now, huh?”

Mac nodded, his eyes still on the drop-off on the other side of the fence.

“C’mon, man,” Bozer turned Mac toward the parking lot, keeping one hand on his friend’s arm, the other on his lower back. “It’s late and I’m cold.” He wasn’t, but it was always easier to get Mac to act if he was doing so on behalf of someone else.

“Yeah,” Mac nodded. “Yeah, sure, of course. Boze, I’m—”

“Don’t,” Bozer pushed him gently forward. “Don’t worry about it, man. Yesterday was weird for everybody.”

“Yesterday?” Mac asked, the word tripping out on a faltering breath as his shivers increased.

Bozer pressed his fingertips harder into Mac’s lower back, feeling the corded muscles there tighten against the pressure. “Yeah, y’know…crazy DARPA drug, Tesla weapon….”

“That was yesterday?” Mac asked, blinking owlishly at him.

“Time flies when you’re trippin’, man.”

Mac didn’t reply and didn’t resist as Bozer continued to guide him toward the parking lot. He stumbled over his own feet—any coltish grace that once guided him having vacated in the wake of whatever this was. Bozer steadied him, noting that while Mac didn’t quite lean into him, he needed the support.

“Easy, man,” Bozer wrapped an arm around Mac’s slim waist, pulling him flush against his side. “You’re moving like me after a night of whiskey.”

“That…doesn’t sound good,” Mac returned in the same spacey, confused tone. “You make some pretty bad choices ‘cause of whiskey.”

As they reached the car, Bozer shifted his hip to keep Mac propped up, pulling the passenger door open and maneuvering his friend into the seat.

“Yeah, well,” he reached across Mac’s shivering form to fasten his seat belt, “in whiskey’s defense, I’ve also made some pretty questionable choices completely sober.”

Mac huffed a semi-amused chuckle, his head dropping back against the seat. Bozer jogged around the back of the car to climb behind the wheel.

“Let’s crank that heat up, how ‘bout—” Bozer stopped as he glanced over and saw Mac had quite literally passed out, head tilted against the window.

His hands lay lax in his lap, fingers curled toward his palms, the left one twitching in what looked like an attempt to reach out, but not quite getting there.

“Jesus, Mac,” Bozer breathed, turning up the heat anyway as his friend shivered even in his sleep. He shrugged out of his hoodie, draping it over Mac’s bare arms and t-shirt covered torso.

Tagging: Okay, if you’ve already been tagged--or literally have no interest in this--feel free to ignore. This is a bit of a free-for-all here. @thethistlegirl @impossiblepluto @flowing-river24 @panchostokes @nativestarwrites @beamirang @21forestglades @blazeofobscurity @angus-mac-intosh @purplecolouredglasses @writtenbyblair @dashboardonfire @bands-space-and-monsters-oh-my @macgyverfever @thekristen999

[takemealivelh]

If requests are still open, can you do a Luke Hemmings x reader where it’s that cocktail chats, and the reader is the one directing & filming bc she’s known for being good at both so they get her down to do it. Luke has a massive crush on her, either before she shows up or when she does show up and he’s thinking “shit” lmao. So when they get really shitfaced, he says something on camera about her & gradually starts hitting on her until he asks her out lol

ALRIGHT! This took me forever but I DID IT! Proud of this one (I think)

This one’s for ya!

(Luke’s POV)

One of our strong points as a band, besides creating and performing music we believe in, is how we interact with our fans. They know us, they know we're up for a good time and we don't shy away from making fools out of ourselves. The Cocktail Chats seemed like a good idea to get it all together in one project. That was until I found out who was directing and filming.

"She should be here any second" Ashton scrolled through his phone. We were waiting for the crew to set up the cameras, lighting and audio at his kitchen, and we'd gotten there a few hours before just to help him clean up. 

"Who?" I made the dumb mistake of asking. Michael, Calum and Ashton looked at me wide-eyed with the biggest looking frown on their faces. "What?"

"Are you fucking serious? We discussed this weeks ago, mate" Michael shook his head. He immediately started laughing when I didn't reply, "okay, maybe your brain has been pushing it to the back so you didn't shit your pants every day we got closer to filming." Ashton laughed along and high-fived our guitarist. None of them answered my question, though.

I looked for Calum's face, but he didn't help me out either. 

The doorbell rang, "she's here!" Ashton smiled and got up from his spot on the kitchen table. 

"This is going to be good" Michael laughed under his breath before pushing himself off the countertop and walking towards the front door behind Ash. "Hey!" I heard him yell in excitement and a few other voices greeting them. "Hey man, you drove everyone here?"

"Yeah, yeah, I did. I wasn't going to miss this, you four getting drunk and discussing music?" Alex's voice was unmistakable, and I was glad he'd come around, "wouldn't fucking miss it, also I wanted to help. Where are the other two? We need to set all this equipment."

"Cal! Luke! Don't be dicks and come help out"

When I got to the front door and saw Ashton's arm around her shoulders, her hands holding a camera tripod, I felt the colour fade from my face. 

Maybe Mike was right.

-

"Can you move a little bit closer to the mic, Cal? Please?"

I saw her giving directions, saw her being her charming professional self. Carrie seemed to have everything under control but never stopped being the lovely person she is. When Ashton stood next to her, asking her about how they'd bring the concept to life, she explained her vision with such eloquence that I decided I could listen to her talk about her work for hours. She was a smart, creative, kind person. I was crushing so hard on her.

"Keep the drool to a minimum," I felt someone nudge my shoulder and saw Alex with a smug smirk behind me, getting ready the shots and cocktails we were about to drink. "You're not subtle, Luke. And I worry about how you'll act when you've got some drinks in you."

I rolled my eyes, "I can be professional, mate. Thanks for the confidence boost, though."

"I'm just saying," he laughed.

-

"Everyone does a shot and then we start with introductions, sounds good?" Carrie smiled from behind the camera. "Ashton, you go first. And... we're rolling."

The red light lit up and I felt my hands starting to sweat. I only needed to play it cool, just for a couple of hours. I'd been drunk before, and I'd been drunk before around her as well. It never went bad, but maybe because Cal had to drag me out of the party before I embarrassed myself. 

"Let it begin..."Ashton did a shot and the rest of us followed suit. I tried to be cool and impress her by being expressionless as the burning alcohol went down my throat. 

It didn't work.

"Hello, I'm Ashton, I'm the drummer in the band..."

"Hello, for everyone out there who doesn't know who I am, I'm Calum Hood..."

"I'm Michael, I play guitar in 5 seconds of summer..."

"I'm Luke..." my brain completely betrayed me when I saw her smile from the other side of the camera, "I'm NOT 6'4, I'm 6'2 at best..."

The more drinks I got in me, the sloppier I got, the stupider I got, the more I embarrassed myself. 

Oh god, she was so pretty when she laughed at my dumb jokes. 

"Can you tell him to say it without the word genius?" I heard her faintly over the loud mess we had going on. Ashton repeated the question I swear I saw a smirk on her face.

Of course, I messed up, again. 

-

"I think we need a break" 

"I think we need like 3 breaks," Mike was slouched on the floor next to the camera, "I can't concentrate for shit. Hey, man! When did you get here?"

The kitchen was quickly getting more crowded. When Ashton said that he started a party because he got drunk, he wasn't joking. From 8 people, we were now at 25. My words were starting to spill out of my mouth without any filter and I was partly worried that I would profess my undying love for her in front of everyone. But I was also feeling a bit confident, every time I made her laugh or blush -even faintly- I felt good. Maybe she liked me as well.

"You want a drink?" I offered her a glass of some cocktail we were drinking. Carrie smiled at me and showed me the half-empty glass in her hand. "Oh, you already have one. You want another one after that?"

"Luke! Stop giving her drinks, mate! You're so unprofessional"

Ashton laughed from the other side of the kitchen, slurping the rest of his cocktail, "we're discussing music while we're getting drunk, Cal. I think professional flew out the window a few hours ago"

She smiled at me and sipped the rest of her drink. Was I imagining things or was she maintaining a playful eye contact with me? Was it my vivid desires playing tricks to my drunken mind or was she running her hand up and down my arm? "I like you in this shirt, it suits you" she whispered.

I think my heart almost stopped beating.

- 

"Guys, you can do it. Only two more songs, alright?"

Michael and Cal made their way around the kitchen, trying to get everyone either to stay quiet or to go party on the backyard. Ashton was bopping his head to the beat of Empty Wallets.

The first piano part has always reminded me of N'Sync's Bye Bye Bye, and since we were all pretty shitfaced by now, decency had left the room a while ago. 

"I'm not gonna play anymore because that is fire"

"Wow"

"Pure Fuego"

"You're gonna burn down your house, Ash"

I could see Carrie trying to contain the laughter as we all teased Ashton.

"Thank you, audience participants. That was very supportive."

I sat next to her as the rest of the band did their part of the video. I saw Alex's cheeky grin at me, and Mike's eyebrows wiggle at me when Carried shifted in the stool and subtly brushed her body against mine. I thought my body wouldn't be able to take that much heat.

-

We had finished talking about Ghost Of You and now we were doing the Deluxe tracks of the album. But it was likely that none of that footage was going to end up in the actual videos. We were absolutely smashed. Michael had to go out to take some air, Cal went out for a smoke and Alex and Ash followed to spend some time with all the people they had invited over.

It was just me and Carrie.

"Alright, Luke. Monsters Among Men. What's it mean?"

"Er..." my mind was racing five hundred thoughts at the speed of light. Her hair had been put up in a ponytail because the temperature in the room had gone up quickly in the past 20 minutes. She had a few strands of hair stuck with sweat to her skin and the cleavage exposed by her v-neck shirt was glistening. I couldn't focus. 

She gave me a sly smile, "are you gonna talk, or?"

"You're cute" I blurted out.

"You're drunk"

The way her nose crinkled when she teased me, the way the lighting hit the side of her face, the way she wiped the sweat off her forehead with two fingers... I needed to ask her out. "You're still cute when I'm sober, though"

"Wow, real smooth, Hemmings"

"I try"

Her laugh was enough to give me the last boost of confidence.

"You wanna go out with me? Not tonight, I won't be good company if I'm about to throw up all the time"

Carrie laughed and turned the camera off. "Alright, no deluxe," she said under her breath, shaking her head. I could feel my throat starting to close, she was breathtaking and I had asked her out and she wasn't replying and oh my god did I make a dick move?

"I'm free next week," she smiled.

Thank fucking god, "it's a date then."

TAG LIST:

@brown-eyedshell @thew0rldneedsmcreycghurt @myloverboyash @hopeless-renassianceluke @dukesnumber1 @rip-lukes-balsamic @letsfuckndance @cal-pal-cuddles @ashtons-favorite @1dthewantedlove@problematicprincessa@heartbreak-5sos @baby-loba

let me know if you wanna be added to the tag list!

[gayoongles]

50 questions tag

I was tagged by @mikrokosyoongs thank u bb🥺💘 1. What takes up too much of your time? currently studying + final projects😪 but usually my time is spent trying to keep up w all my kpop boys (mostly bts) hfudsihf 

2. What makes your day better? listening to music, playing my cello, talking to my friends, n rugby 3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today? BLACK HAIRED TAE IS BACK (im still not over it bye) AND I GOT BTS TIX

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? uhhhh idk? maybe the hp universe but ngl I havent watched/read much lately that takes place in a historical setting besides got and I know for sure I dont wanna b there hfdjhf 

5. Are you good at giving advice? I like to think I am but idk 

6. Do you have any mental illness? sadly yeah😣

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no, thank fuck. id fr die 8. What musician inspired you the most? yoongi, min yoongi, suga, syub, the love of my life, and kim namjoon

9. Have you ever fallen in love? wish I cld say no hahah but

10. What’s your dream date? idk I dont rly have one hfudshf I like amusement parks a lot but also cuddling sounds like an AMAZING date idea

11. What do others notice about you? ppl always comment on my hair (bc I always have it dyed) and my height first so I guess those fhiusdfhi, personality wise tho, that im v quiet

12. What is an annoying habit you have? biting my nails. I try so hard every day to not but it ends up happening anyway

13. Do you still talk to your first love? no, thankfully

14. How many exes do you have? 5 and all of them ended up sucking yeet😛

15. How many songs are in your playlist? idk bc I have like 7483758 playlists 

16. What instruments can you play? cello! and a bit of ukulele but I havent picked it up in a while so im probably rusty

17. What do you have the most pictures of? bts, but out of all of them probably jm or yoongi

18. Where would you like to go before you die? everywhere, but mostly Europe Australia and Asia 

19. What is your zodiac? ima go deep bc why not so: leo sun cap moon aries rising. feel free to roast me in my asks abt that idk

20. Do you relate to it? my zodiac? lmao my sun no but my moon for sure

21. What is happiness to you? music. 

22. Are you going through anything right now? umm stress bc finals r in like a week but other than that no not particularly. I did just get out of a rly bad like month, almost 2 month long depressive episode tho so its been rough bouncing back from that bc I got behind on a LOT of work bc of it

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? not a specific decision but I trusted too easily in the past and it always hurt me

24. What’s your favorite store? I dont rly shop that much in specific stores ngl, maybe line friends tho? it was a rly cute store when I visited last month :(

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? your body, your decision. no one elses

26. Do you keep a bucket list? nah, theres things I wanna do but idc enough to write them down or keep track or anything

27. Do you have a favorite album? persona, lys tear, and dark and wild r so so superior dont @ me I won't change my mind

28. What do you want for your birthday? hfidshfi not 2 b that bitch but I always only ask for money

29. What are most people’s first impression of you? that I’m really quiet and reserved. also that im fucking short

30. What age do you seem according to most people? I got mistaken as 12 once when I was 18 but recently idk, maybe 17? probably not much younger now since I go to college

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? next to me on my bed bc I always end up falling asleep while on it

32. What word do you say the most? yoongi or some curse word probably

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? 22 or 23? idk I havent rly thought of it much. except id date hyung line for sure if they fucking asked, screw age preferences in that case.

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? 18 since im only 19 lmao

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? anything music related 

36. What’s your favorite music genre? any varying kind of rock except most metal (alt, indie, classic, etc.), pop (and that included kpop), and hip hop

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? um? tbh I like New York but uhh any country that it’s legal to be lgbtq+ in since my trans gay ass wldnt thrive anywhere that it’s illegal obvi

38. What is your current favorite song? dionysus and home and also bonfire by childish gambino

39. How long have you had this blog for? I dont know tbfh, maybe a year and a half? two years? bc it was a marvel blog before it was a bts blog so..

40. What are you excited for? METLIFE DAY 2 LETS GOOOO

41. Are you a better talker or listener? listener. talking takes a lot out of me mentally if im sober unless im w someone im rly comfy w

42. What is the last productive thing you did? uhh this weekend I finished 3 whole assignments dsifhi that's abt it

43. What do you want for christmas? idk? money? to get to spend time w my dad n step sisters? christmas is so far away man idk yet

44. What class do you get the best grades in? music related courses and english/writing

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 6, wld be more if I wasnt stressed out of my mine but ukno

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years? mmm my hope is that ill b a relatively successful music producer/engineer by then but we’ll see how that goes lmaoo

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? threeee years ago I think? its been a hot second

48. What age do you want to get married? bro im only 19 I dont wanna think abt marriage

49. What career did you want to have as a child? a vet! and then I realized u had to put pets down sometimes so I said fuck that

50. What do you crave right now? physical affection lmaoo

m not gonna tag anyone bc I kinda took an break from work that I shouldn't have to do this so fhidsh anyone can do this if u want idk

[thorne93]

Days of Future’s Past

Prompt: so can i request a charles x reader one shot that i got an idea for? ok so first of all y/n and charles were super close as teens but y/n died at around 19(got mixed up in smth), charles was devastated and hes still not 100% over it as an adult so when the xmen find a mutant who can control time he ends up asking them to go back and try to save y/n? and they do try and they have to convince her to stay safe bcs 'theres someone who needs her' or some cute shit like that..?but if u do this thx!

Word Count: 2600

Warning: Language maybe, death, drug abuse, angst....

Note: This is based on an ask/request. I’ve never done an ask/request so I REALLY hope I did this justice. I loved the idea and I hope it made it everything you wanted! Flashbacks are in italics.

Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes @amarvelouswritings

Tags: @munlis

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I awoke with a start, a tear already falling down my aging face. Today marked the 20th anniversary of you being gone. 20 years didn’t make the fact of losing you any easier. 20 years without your laugh, without your jokes, without the way you made a room light up just by walking in, without having your voice to fill my head…Not when I had 8 long, amazing years with you as my best friend. Thicker than thieves we were...

It almost seemed like it was yesterday that we were walking to class together, joking about a professor that we both had that was just terrible. I couldn’t believe today was twenty years later...20 years after I lost you…

Getting out of bed, I pulled myself into my chair and began to get ready, all the while my reflection not hiding the pain that was so evidently etched in my face. Missing you was harder today. I missed you every day, of course, but today being April 18th....God it made everything worse. I let myself cry a little as I got dressed, a tear falling here and there, and I allowed them. I didn’t fight the urge...not today.

My first class started at 8:00 am, I was early and tried to compose myself for the kids. Some of the older students who had been here a while knew April 18th was a hard day for me, the newer ones weren’t as keenly aware of the situation.

We began our studies as usual, I got through three classes miraculously, but when lunch came and I was alone again, I found myself in the conservatory, your favorite room in the house, thinking back to the day before I lost you….the day before I killed you…

“Charles, come on, that assignment is totally bogus,” you said to me as you skipped along, me happily at your side.

“I’ll admit that it’s not fun, but it’s necessary.”

“You’re such a teacher’s pet,” you teased, sticking your tongue out. I watched your figure as you danced around me on our way to class. You were losing weight, your eyes began to sink in, I knew you had started to dabble into drugs but I wasn’t your keeper so I didn’t chastise you. I tried talking to you about it a few times and every time, you fought me tooth and nail saying it was just a little bit here and there, just a hobby, but your bodily signs told differently. Other than occasional twitching, your demeanor had hardly changed and I think that’s why I ignored it...like a fool….

“Well, I do aim to be a teacher,” I reminded you. “Speaking of,” I started, grabbing your hand gently as I pulled you over to a short brick wall to sit on. “I have some good news!” I stated.

“Oh?”

“Yes, I’ve been accepted into Oxford!” I told you happily, awaiting your reaction. Expecting a hug, or a shriek, or even a friendly kiss or high five, I was speechless when the next exchange happened.

“What?” you asked in an even tone, your gaze leveling at mine. “You’re going to Europe for grad school? Charles, we agreed we’d stay state side and stay together. Remember our plan?”

“Y/N, I know but Oxford would be a wonderful opportunity for me. You can come live with me and continue college there.”

“I can’t afford that!”

“I could pay--”

You stood up, shouting, “No! Forget it! You’ve made up your mind! Just go to Europe with your fancy friends, fancy college, and all your mind reading powers and go!”

I stood, running a nervous hand through my hair. You knew of my powers, of course you did, we had fun with my powers a lot, but you weren’t a mutant.

“Y/N, it’s not like that. Please. Can’t we talk about this?”

“No, you’ve already made up your mind.” You grabbed your bag off the wall, flipped me off, and left. At this point, I knew it was a side effect of the drugs. Sober you might’ve been upset at first but after exploring our options, we would’ve made it work. You would’ve known I would never leave you behind. I sighed as I turned and went onto class.

Later that night, I went by your dorm to see if we could talk about things, to see if you had calmed down yet. I reached your dorm room, and knocked. There was no answer. I knocked again and no answer, I imagined it was you giving me the silent treatment as you always did when we had a disagreement, which was rare. You lived alone here so when I tried the door, it was locked. Breaking my promise to you, I tried to read your mind, just to see if you were okay, but….I got nothing. There was no mind on the other side of the door...So why and how was it locked if no one was in there?

Worried, I called campus security and they came by with a master key and opened the dorm. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of you on the floor, needle in your arm, your lips purple as your eyes stared straight ahead, lifeless.

“Y/N?! Y/N?! Wake up!” I shouted as I ran forward and dropped my things on the way, books and folders crashing to the floor as I dropped to my knees. I began shaking you, in a fit of shock, thinking it would make you wake up. Security saw the sight and called the police and an ambulance. You were only 19...How could this be happening? No. no. no. no….I was going to tell you I was in love with you tonight, that’s why I wanted you with me in England, but you reacted so quickly, I couldn’t. And now...now I’d never get to tell you just how much you meant to me.

The coroner said you accidentally overdosed on heroin….The realization that you were so upset, you weren’t paying attention to what you were doing, you accidentally killed yourself because you thought you were losing me...It was was all my fault...I lost my best friend and love of my life because I was too stupid to help you.

A student cleared their throat and said my name, waking me from my memory.

“Professor?” the meek Rosalie said as she stood in the doorway.

“Yes?” I said as I turned around to face her, clearing my own throat and taking a deep breath.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes...Just...thinking.”

“I see.”

In that moment, an absolutely ludicrous idea hit me. “Rosalie...You can travel in time, right?”

“I can control it, yes,” she answered, stepping farther into the conservatory.

“Could you go back, twenty years?”

“It might take a toll on me, but I’m sure I could do it...why?”

I pursed my lips, weighing the consequences...Was I really going to intervene with your fate? Bring you back for entirely selfish reasons? The moment I knew Rosalie’s mutation was time control, I wanted to ask her to save you, but I couldn’t do that. In good conscious, I couldn’t abuse her powers that way….But the pain and guilt has been eating away at me for so many years, this could be the only way to save me. How wrong could it be to bring you back? In this moment, on today of all days, my conscience took a backseat.

“Could you go back in time, and stop a friend of mine from making a terrible mistake?”

“Um, I could try? There’s no guarantees.”

“Excellent, what do you need?”

“A quiet place and uninterrupted time.”

“Come with me.”

I lead her downstairs to the hallway where we kept Cerebro but I directed her to another room, a quiet room that I use for the more shy students to do some of their training.

“Alright, do you need anything else?” I asked as we settled in the dark room with a few pieces of sitting furniture and a couple of tables.

“Would you like to come back with me?”

“You can bring me?” I questioned.

“Yes.”

“If I’m there, in the past, can it complicate anything?”

“Not unless you tell yourself you’re you...Otherwise, you can just say you’re a distant relative.”

“Then I say we go for it, shall we?”

“Alright, give me your hands and tell me the time, date, and place.”

I gave her my hands, my heart thrumming a million miles per hour. I was really about to see you again - alive. Even if this didn’t work in saving you, I’d get to at least see you one more time. I gave her the information she needed.

“Okay, just relax and take ten deep breaths.”

I followed her orders and suddenly, it was all black around me, much darker than when I first closed my eyes. Then, as if waking up, the surroundings were white and blurry, until I saw...me, I saw myself and you on that brick wall right before the fight broke out.

You looked even more beautiful than I remembered, even with being sick on the drugs, you still had this light, bubbly air about you. Seeing you again, in real life, where I could touch you again, where I could hear your voice again, even if you were shouting at me, was like a blessing all in itself. I remembered how we used to debate movie endings, dancing like fools in my house to records, how you used to make giant sundaes for us when we didn’t do too well on a test, how we used to race each other to the lake on my property to swim in the ungodly heat. All the wonderful memories had been tarnished all because I was a fool who didn’t go after you.

Now, you were getting up to leave and I made haste getting over to myself, I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.

“You, you there!” I said as I saw 21 year old me spin to face myself.

“What do you want?” younger me asked.

“Stop her.”

“What?”

“If you don’t go after her right now, you’ll regret it...believe me.”

I eyed myself wearily but I believed me, so younger me walked up to you but you pushed him off and he started to give up so I raced up in my chair, Rosalie following.

“Y/N, Y/N,” I called and you turned on your heel to face me.

“What?”

“I know you’re upset now. I know you think he’s abandoned you. I know you’re hurt. But believe me, Charles didn’t want to hurt you….I know right now, you think the only thing will help are the drugs to numb this pain but it’s not.” How badly I wanted to smack younger me and scream at me to tell you that I loved you, and how badly I wanted to shake you and beg you to never touch the heroin again….But I couldn’t, and that killed me. I think knowing what was about to happen hurt even more than finding your body...

Rosalie spoke up and said, “You need to stay safe and take care of yourself, someone needs you…”

“Who are you?” you questioned as you looked at us, more curious than angry now.

“We’re...friends of Charles’ here. We’re concerned friends.” They both stared at us a moment before I continued, “Well, we’ll leave you to it…”

We walked away and Rosalie took my hands again. Teleporting back to the future, we found ourselves still in that room downstairs, nothing out of place there.

“Did it work?” I asked as I let her hands go.

“I’m not sure. Sometimes--”

The memories hit me so hard I let out a slight shout. After Rosalie and I left, I didn’t let you go. Younger me confessed that I was in love with you. Instead of going back to your apartment to overdose, you followed me to a pizza place to talk about our relationship and Oxford. You said you loved me too and would go with me. And you did. We lived in England for five years before coming back home, both of us graduates. When we got settled back home, I asked you to marry me just as the X-Men were forming and the kids helped give us a wonderful wedding. Because you had been fighting your feelings for me and you were struggling in school, you had turned to drugs, but because we became a couple, you openly shared with me more and the move to England was just the ticket to get you sober. You happily vowed to help me with the school for gifted youngsters, accepting each and every one as your own and the kids loving you like an adopted aunt. You helped with the school and became a professor yourself at a local college to help with more funds for our school. New memories of your laugh, us going to the movies, reading together in bed, taking Sunday naps, you making me sundaes when we’ve had a long day with the kids, how you met the new students and made them feel welcome and loved and gave them a tour of the grounds.

We raced upstairs and in the foyer, there you stood, talking to Jean and Scott.

“Y/N?” I gasped, unable to believe my own eyes.

You twirled, your face slightly aged but still just as radiant and beautiful. Seeing you, it made the doubt of bringing you back disappear.

“Oh, hello darling, where were you?”

“I was….I was just with Rosalie….”

“Well, come on, your final class of the day is starting, right? Then movie night with everyone?!” you asked as you turned to a lot of the kids in the foyer as everyone cheered. The kids went on to their class but I couldn’t stop staring.

“Charles, dear, what is it? You look as though you’ve seen a ghost,” you said, kneeling down putting your clipboard in my lap.

“I...I...You’re here, you’re really here.”

“Well of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

I didn’t answer, I just grabbed you in an embrace, my hand tangling in your hair as I kissed you so hard. You laughed against my lips.

“I don’t know what I did, but tell me so I can do it all the time,” you said with a giggle, the sound bringing life into me.

“I love you so much. I always have, remember that, okay?”

“I love you too, dear. Now, come on, let’s finish Friday’s studies so we can begin Friday night festivities. How does that sound?”

“It sounds perfect, my love,” I breathed as I took your hand while you stood up, smiling to each other.