#tags so i can find this post later

[aphel1on]

i have such a love for characters who descend into madness or villainy out of deep, deep empathy. characters who fundamentally cannot cope with the cruel realities they find themselves in and blow up about it in spectacular fashion. fallen angel type characters with tears of outrage in their eyes. characters who break before they bend, and break so badly they splatter blood all over their noble ideals. every variation on it gets me so good

[goodmorningglory]

god,,, i signed up to tunblr January 2nd 2020 at 3 in the morning????? wowww

[kentucky-fried-thea]

you call them flop posts but I call them reaching my target demographic: whichever mutuals are active rn

[anastacialy]

tracked down this clip just because of this post! have jokes from skizz and scar

[tswwwit]

Cipher's Personal Portable Portal

'How they meet' won the poll!

So just to make things fully contextualized, as far as they're gonna be - here's the full first chunk of this stupidly long fic I'm writing.

I hope you enjoy!

Standing in the wreckage of the burnt-out building, Dipper wishes he didn���t know who did it.

Anyone else would have left some trace sign. A scrape of blood, a hint of burnt hair. A friggin’ decent eyewitness report, even.

But here, like last time, and the time before that, and the time before that - there's absolutely zero traces. No video footage, nobody around at the time of the crime. Not even footprints.

Dipper kicks one of the remaining supports, sending a puff of charcoal up from the impact. 

If he knew the bastard’s name, he’d curse it all to hell.

With a sigh of exhaustion, Dipper sits on a chunk of scorched foundation. He pulls his shoe off to tip the ashes out of it; there’s enough that the resulting cloud leaves him coughing. 

Around him, the scoured west wing of the museum is silent, still, and empty. A grey-black skeleton of its former self, filled with dust and charcoal.

This arson is yet another one in a very, very long line of crimes. They’re not just ‘unrelated incidents’, or ‘bizarre coincidences’. Dipper’s not ‘being paranoid’ or ‘coming up with some pretty weird conspiracy theories’. 

There’s only one person who could manage this. The same guy who turned a bank upside down - literally -  and the same one who impaled a mob boss on an oversized silly straw and gave tails to half of a household last week.

It’s all connected.

Each crime is marked with the same style, mostly by how remarkably weird they are. Along with a thread of magic, distinct in its composition. One so distinctive that it's almost a flavor. Though admittedly, without certain magical analysis, it’s pretty hard to detect. 

And if other freelance magicians would take the time and look at Dipper’s notes, maybe one of them would help find this asshole.

Dipper stalks through the burned building, fists balled in his pockets. He stumbles over a fallen support column, and nearly trips before he makes a hopping retreat back. 

Though the culprit has been at his game - whatever ‘game’ that is - for a good half a year now, this is the most destructive ‘incident’ so far. Nobody was hurt, since it happened in the middle of the night. The one relief from a terrible crime, that only objects were obliterated in the process - 

But the ashes speak for themselves.

Here, there’s nothing left.

He breathes in slowly. Then regrets the attempt at calming himself as he coughs again.

Whatever the culprit’s initial motive was, it hasn’t lasted. He’s grown not only in ambition, but also in his abilities. Things are escalating at a rate Dipper doesn’t like to think about.

Someone has to get to the bottom of this. Before it’s too late. Dipper’s got his number, metaphorically speaking, so. Well, might as well be him. 

And when he proves that all of this chaos was created by the same person - 

Well. A little boost to his meager reputation couldn’t hurt. Maybe a few medals and accolades. There isn’t a trophy for best monster hunter, but he can imagine standing on a podium and -

Dipper waves that thought off, swearing under his breath. Stupid. He has better things to focus on.

He’s the only freelancer on the case. Definitely the only one taking this seriously, the only one who thinks it’s the same person to begin with -  and even he’s starting to have some doubts about ever finding the bastard. 

Six months of tracking this guy down, and what does he have to show for it? A ramshackle compilation of incidents, a vague feeling of magic, and a description that could fit any bottle-blond actor with bad fashion sense. Scraps. He might as well pin them up and connect them with red string for all the good it does him.

Another kick sends Dipper hopping back, clutching his foot with a swear. He winces at the hole in the tip, he nearly punctured his foot on a nail.

Just his luck. Wrong place, wrong time, always just barely avoiding disaster. Dipper shows up whenever there’s an event, he’s got the means to follow the guy - but he’s always just a little too late.

Even worse, lately the guy’s been picking places… not at random, exactly. More like he causes trouble wherever it’d be the most annoying to follow.

The culprit must know someone is on his trail. But he’s not making it impossible to keep up, or even majorly difficult for a determined pursuer. Just really, really irritating, like making moves at three in the morning, or pausing just long enough for someone to catch up, then heading right back where he came from. At one point Dipper had to trudge through a literal swamp, only to find that bastard had sauntered in by baking himself a neat little trail right through the damn thing. There wasn’t even footprints to follow.

It’s a repeated point in Dipper’s notes. Whoever this is, they’re a total, absolute dick.

With a sigh, Dipper runs his fingers through the ash on the museum’s floor. Not a single thing is left beyond the shattered glass of some display cases, and the charred remains of the building. Even the enchanted metal tools have been melted into slag. 

The day before yesterday, he could tell something was up. Building energy, something that felt like it was made by the culprit. Something with the twinge of a powerful curse, coiled and being wound up like a spring. 

Dipper spent that evening convincing - okay, maybe also bribing, thank you Stan for the idea - the museum to let him borrow materials. The day after that, he spent all night, morning, and most of the afternoon running around slapping up anti-curse emblems. The entire south of the city warded, in a fine careful net of spellcraft. The work was exhausting. Both in running around, and in the amount of magic he’d needed to use.

But it was worth it. That evening, in the quiet and very uncursed city, all the emblems activated. Dipper would have sworn he sensed someone in the distance, cursing his own name. That night he went to bed with a smug sense of satisfaction, floating on a cloud of triumph.

Which is probably why the bastard burned down the museum next.

With another sigh, Dipper tucks his notebook back into his knapsack. He’s gleaned all he’s going to for today; in the fading evening light, searching more is pointless.

So much for all the magical artifacts. Most of those had come in really useful in messing with the guy. 

…How the hell did the culprit know where they came from, though? He’d need a near encyclopedic knowledge of artifacts to know which ones Dipper used, then track them back to their origin. 

Or maybe he just searched on the internet. It’s hard to tell.

Dipper just wishes there were more clues. But just like every other incident, the guy up and freakin’ vanished.

No human can disappear like that without some very irresponsible use of power. That hope is one Dipper’s hanging his hat on. After six months? He has to be reaching his limits. He’ll burn himself out before he can manage too many more incidents. Maybe Dipper will find him by stumbling on his withered, dissolving corpse.

Whoever this is is pretty strong, but no power is infinite. He can’t hide forever.

It can’t be too much longer. Won’t be. Dipper has a plan, he’s gotten really close, and - He’s good at his job, damn it. He knows he is. 

Taking a deep, slow breath, Dipper lets it out. Patience is the name of the game here. He’s just gotta keep moving.

One day, he’s going to catch up with that bastard. He’ll see the guy in the flesh. Then he’ll grab that stupid dick before he can escape, again, and wipe that presumably smug look off his probably ugly face.

Turning around one last time, Dipper surveys the destruction, stuffs his hands in his pockets - and pauses. 

A speck of light glints in the pile of ash. The last bit of evening sun, shining off a metallic surface.

Alert with surprise, Dipper scrambles over to the pile. Kneeling down, he brushes the dust carefully aside, careful not to disturb anything fragile that might shatter if handled wrong. 

One thing did survive. Thank fuck, it’s not an absolute total loss. Just, uh… Ninety-nine percent of it.

He scuffles through the still-warm ashes, cupping his palms underneath the lump and lifting it from its bed. The motion sends white puff rising up as ash slips away from the artifact.

A small black, squarish thing rests on the pile, a bit larger than both his palms put together. The material is faintly warm from residual heat, insulated by the ash it laid in - and there’s not a mark on it. Not even a scratch. 

Dipper turns the artifact over in his hands with a frown. The shining black surface reveals no obvious buttons or secrets. Just a kind of phone-ish shape, though more square and squat. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say a guest dropped it on the rush to escape. 

The fact that it’s still intact though. Nearly glowing with magic, a tremulous feeling under his palms - this is not dropped by some clumsy tourist. Not even Ford could put this together.

 Wiping at the object with his sleeve, Dipper manages to clean off most of the smooth surface. On one of the sides, dust clings to the thinnest of engravings. The very faint outline of an equilateral triangle. No runes or other magical scribing, just… a shape.

Dipper thinks back but - no, he doesn’t remember seeing this in the collection. A quick check online reveals…

Basically nothing. There are - were - a bunch of stone and metal slabs in the archives, all described so poorly as to be useless. Some are even bunched up in groups. ‘Magical slab 1-24’ and ‘Metal artifact 1-78’, no description involved.

Not surprising. Probably dug up in some mass excavation site, transported here, then never really looked at again. The bulk nature of the shipment means it was overlooked, its magical properties never discovered.

After today, he’s just glad that even one item escaped this onslaught. 

The other artifacts must not have had much to them. But some magical property in this artifact’s making must have saved it from the blaze. Fireproofing, perhaps? Against weird fire? That’s unusual. Maybe even unique.

As the only survivor, it really needs investigating. 

Dipper glances over his shoulder, then around. With everyone evacuated, it’s quiet in the rubble. Nobody here would notice if, say… a clue wandered off.

The artifact slips easily into his pocket. The shape conveniently looks just like a phone, even if the shape’s a bit off. Not something that would attract any attention.

Whistling nonchalantly, ducking out of the way of local law enforcement and any onlookers - Dipper makes his escape. 

Another day of pursuit. Another scene of disaster, the culprit there and gone in the blink of an eye. 

He’ll be up to something new, next. Never the same thing twice, never in the same place. 

Dipper will follow in his evil tracks, of course. But for tonight - his fate is another crappy hotel room. 

He ditches his backpack by the door, slumping against the wall and its chipped paint. He could start going through his notes, and the pictures of the arson. Put in more work, find further connections - 

But it’s been a long day, and he’s tired. He might be magical, but he’s only got so much to work with. A reasonable night’s sleep, if he can manage, will make the task loom less horribly over his tired brain.

With a sigh, he drops back on the mattress. There’s some bounce to it, springs squeaking like they’re full of mice. Hell, maybe they are. The type of room he can afford isn’t exactly decadent.

That, though, should be temporary. Dipper’s career is only just starting; freelancers in the ‘solving magical problems’ scene don’t get great rates. Especially as a beginner. Definitely without a partner; it makes him look super young. Like he’s just starting out, fresh-faced and not having any inroads.

Because this field is really stupid, and doesn’t pay attention to results. Dipper’s been fine on his own for years, and he’s done really cool things without that ‘networking’ crap. 

All by himself. Totally cool with that, because Dipper’s a cool guy, sometimes. If Mabel hypes him up enough on one of their phone calls, he almost believes it too.

Though it would be nice to have some backup, it’s hard to find someone who really gets the job. Or does it in the way that Dipper goes about it. The number of people who are willing to take long treks in hyper-magical territory to search for an obscure clue, or set up really complicated traps for  dangerous monsters, or talk over high-level magical theory while sitting in the rain all night just to get one body-snatcher are…

Well, besides Ford, who recently retired, there aren’t any. Only Dipper himself.

One day, things are going to change for him. All his effort will pay off. If he keeps solving mysteries, and fighting monsters, he’ll forge a reputation as someone who always gets the job done. No matter how hard it is, he can handle it. The work is picking up, too. The last six months have shown the biggest series of magical incidents in decades. 

And he’s gonna be the one to get to the bottom of it.

Dipper Pines, the guy who proved it’s all connected. He’ll have it laid out in facts and math, all the evidence. They’re all gonna see that he was totally right.

Once he finally gets this guy, everything’s going to start looking up. 

The sheets rustle as Dipper settles back, holding the artifact up over himself. He stares into the black surface, and a slightly distorted reflection narrows its eyes back at him. 

A good mystery always intrigues him. This one should take his mind off the other, irritating one for a while.

The only remaining object from the fire is clean and smooth. A mysterious creation, of unknown purpose. Clearly riddled with magic, too; Dipper feels it running just under the surface like a rapid current. It gives the artifact a weight that has nothing to do with mass. 

Power.

Did the criminal see this artifact, still intact after all the other magical objects were gone? Did he try to destroy it too, and fail? Or simply not notice he’d missed one out of thousands?

Whatever it is, it’s got a lot more going on than meets the eye.

Dipper casts a quick identifier, which comes back with nothing. He’s not surprised. That’s the first thing anyone would try. If it was that simple, he’d already have the full description off the site. 

With a shrug, he traces another set of runes, his own version, adding a little more oomph behind it - 

And the magic leaps back instantly, with the bizarre sensation of a bouncy ball hitting concrete.

“Huh,” Dipper says, thoughtfully. He sits up, hunching over the slab in his hands. “Now that’s new.”

A more subtle approach, then. Tracing the lines of energy with the barest brush of magic upon magic reveals something deeply complex. Thin layers twist together deep under the surface, building an entire circulatory system. Dipper has to put it down for a moment, suddenly worried that it is organic. 

When a cautious prod doesn’t get a response, he relaxes. Not fleshy, just complicated. Which also proves he was right earlier - the artifact’s just as powerful as he’d thought. The spellcraft is unlike anything he’s ever seen. 

Dipper rubs his hands together, starting to smile. 

Even if he doesn’t find the guy he’s after, figuring this out could be a heck of a win.

Several attempts later, he’s beginning to get why this bastard brick got tossed in with all the other junk. 

Nothing here is working. It simply deflects. Standard spells poing off of it like rubber, while giving his magical senses an odd, back-of-the brain afterimage of a circle with a slash through it; a firm ‘nah’. 

Dipper nearly chucks the thing across the room in frustration, before shutting his eyes and taking several, calming breaths. 

Okay, weird thing, weird enchantment. The ordinary stuff won’t work. The magical logic is… twisted in a way that leaves it incompatible with most everything. He’ll have to find a different approach. 

“What are you?” Dipper says, low and frustrated. He gives the artifact a shake, as if he can knock the secrets out like a rock from a shoe. “What secrets are you hiding in there?” 

No response, not that he expected one. With a wry smile, he taps the sleek surface with a finger, twice. “C’mon, man. Talk to me.” 

Huge yellow letters flash onto the black surface. 

HEY

Dipper throws the artifact, a bit awkwardly since he’s lying on his back. It sails in the air in a high thin arc, landing with a thump between his legs. He scoots rapidly backward, sheets pulling up behind him. 

The artifact lies where it landed, an unmoving brick.  There’s magic in the air now, but no sense of any spell building, ready to unleash power to blow his face off. The latent spellcraft of the artifact has just been activated.

More text displays on the surface, bare except for the glowing letters. 

To the jerk that’s swiped my private stuff: You got some nerve! I expect this back by interdimensional mail in a week, or trust me - there will be consequences.

Dipper waits a full minute before he lets go of the headboard. Tentatively, he kneels near the…

 Is this a phone? 

Clearly it’s a communication device of some sort, with the freaking text messages. A phone is the obvious equivalent, only - he thought it looked far older than that, something way before mobile phones. Possible ancient. Is that a coincidence, maybe, or is it secretly modern?

Dipper taps the ‘screen’, just below the glowing words. To his surprise, there’s actually a keyboard, what the hell. This thing keeps getting weirder.

Since it hasn’t already thrown a horrible curse at him, or burst into flames - it’s reasonably safe to assume that it’s simply ‘on’. Not ‘explosive’. 

With hands that are definitely not shaking, he picks it up, and types,

Who is this? 

His own text pops up in blue. A strange contrast to the yellow, but he’s guessing it’s for convenience - there’s no bubbles to tell who’s said what otherwise.

A few seconds of nervous waiting later, there’s a response. 

Oh hey, you answered! Well, human - You’re talking to the one and only Bill Cipher, Dream Demon, all-powerful master of the Mindscape! I’d say it’s nice to meet ya but you’re not supposed to have a direct line to me!

Dipper raises an eyebrow. 

Now that’s one hell of an introduction. It might even have been interesting, if it didn’t smell of complete bullshit. 

Complicated spellwork, sure. Incomprehensible architecture? Maybe. Dipper can admit it; he’s never seen anything with a web of spells on it this complex, in such small of a package.

But the idea that Dipper just stumbled onto a demonic artifact of all things. One that wasn’t instantly detected, recorded, then ritually destroyed is…

Someone’s fucking with him. 

Dipper rolls his eyes as he types back,

Really? Demon? You can’t expect me to believe that. 

What, you calling me a liar? ‘Cause I am, but not about this! I got better things to mislead mortals about. This is my property, not something for your grubby mortal mitts.

Dipper snorts. Guess this person’s sticking with the bit. Obviously whoever created this would want it back - but too bad. Whether they’re delusional, stupid, or just a flat-out liar, they’re really good at enchanting. It’d be a waste not to study their work. 

He lies back on the bed as he replies.

Sure, have fun roleplaying, or whatever, it doesn’t make a difference. Finders keepers, losers weepers.

ARE YOU CALLING ME A LOSER. MORTAL.

Hmm, I’m detecting a certain amount of ‘crying about it’, so. Yeah. Suck it, loser.

Smirking, Dipper settles back - then his half-smile drops, as he holds the ‘phone’ a little further away from himself. 

Though the blue fire building up in the screen looks like a bad sticker effect, the artifact’s also getting a alarmingly warm. It vibrates in his hands - then suddenly stops, cooling down. 

Ha! Alright, alright, I admit - you got some balls.

Maybe you’ll change your tune once you REALLY know what you’re dealing with! Might wanna check the connection, if you’re even capable of it! Mortal magic doesn’t reach across dimensions!

With a grimace, Dipper taps his fingers on the phone. It’s slightly cooler now, but still worryingly reactive to… whatever happened on the other end. 

Damn. Whoever this is, they’re not only really really good at enchanting, they’re also pretty confident that tracking them down won’t spoil their game. The confidence exuding from this ‘Bill’s’ words feels genuine.

Honestly, though, the suggestion is a good one. Dipper should have tried to trace the call the second he knew someone else was on the line. 

Maybe ‘Bill’ thinks he won’t manage to find him. Joke’s on him, though; Dipper’s amazing at finding stuff. He’s the best tracker of magical anything in years. Maybe decades. With a solid, stable connection right in front of him? Hell, he could do this one in his sleep. 

Time to call the bluff.

He casts the tracing spell, though it takes longer than usual. A few gestures and muttered ritual aren’t gonna cut it; he has to improvise around the strange construction of the enchantment. Even trailing along the magic seems harder than usual, like it resists mixing with his own, and it takes him a few attempts to match the signal. 

Once he finds the right way to tune it… the lead snaps along the already-existing connection, and zips away to find its source.

The line extends out from the shabby hotel room, a plucked string in Dipper’s senses. It twists around the phone, rising slowly. Invisibly passing through the walls and the - 

Ceiling? Dipper looks up on instinct, even though nothing is visible.

From there it swirls around in the air like a silly straw on steroids, and then - out, very far, in a way that isn’t up or down or left or right, just  

Away.

Dipper has to cut off the tracing spell before vertigo has him reeling. The swirling sense of standing on top of a skyscraper is followed by a flip in his stomach. That he’s using a device he barely understands that reaches out into something even more incomprehensible.

He drops the phone-artifact, trying to clear his head by shaking it rapidly. 

That’s not nearby. Not on this planet. Possibly, genuinely, not even in this dimension. 

Shit. Bill wasn’t bluffing.

Dipper wipes sweating palms on the sheets. To pick up the phone again takes an effort, willing himself to grasp it in unsteady hands.

A demon. 

All the monsters he’s fought, curses he’s broken, years of work tucked into his belt, and he’s never seen one of those. 

Demons are dangerous, evil, and very, very powerful. Consorting with them is by all accounts a terrible idea. He should never have picked this up. He should hang up, and throw the damn artifact out the window, hoping that nobody else makes as dumb a mistake as he just did. 

On the screen, there’s a long long scroll of yellow letters, filling the entire surface. ‘HA HA HA HA’ over and over and over again. 

Before he can think better of it, Dipper starts a response. He’s halfway through a sentence - what the fuck, that’s not funny- before he pauses.

Terrible evil monster. Stupid powerful. Probably Bill sensed the tracing of the connection, like he did with Dipper’s other testing. Bill wanted the result startle him. Because he thinks it’s funny.

Dipper grits his teeth, and glares at the screen. 

Actually, screw this guy. Dipper’s keeping the stupid phone. If for no other reason than spite. This ‘Bill’ guy seems pretty full of himself, like he’s totally above some human. He’s in for a bad time, then, because Dipper’s not going to let one little surprise scare him off.

Besides.  The average guy would get into horrible, even deadly trouble, whereas Dipper… sort of knows what he’s doing.  No, he is good at his job. Finding secrets, solving mysteries, thwarting evil jerks who think they’re oh-so-hilarious, the whole shebang. He does it all.

Taking another breath, hissing through clenched teeth - Dipper lets it out. Losing his temper isn’t going to help deal with an extradimensional being. He has to be careful.

He thinks for a long moment before he responds. 

Okay. Let’s say I believe you. Maybe. Then you should know I didn’t steal your… whatever this is. I found it lying around, and I just. Got kind of curious. 

HA HA HA! Of course you were! Careful with that impulse, kid, it kills more than just cats!

A jerk who definitely thinks he’s hilarious. Dipper rolls his eyes, then, rather pettily, decides to ignore that statement. 

More pressing questions take the lead. Like what the fuck he’s holding right now, and if there are any other nasty tricks in store. A little bit of him, bubbling under the surface, wonders what being a demon is like. What they get up to, common habits. Ways they could be tracked down and, y’know, defeated, maybe. 

Theoretically, he’s got a line to a bunch of innocent, totally not-thwarting-related information that could be super useful to someone trying to, maybe, be a super cool monster-fighter.

Dipper backspaces a bunch over some poorly thought out questions. First things first. Like what the hell he’s holding right now.

So. What is this?

Good question! The gadget you’re poking at with your sweaty meat-paws is paired to the one I have here at my place. A little one-on-one communication assistant, if you will. Once you started groping around with your magic, it wasn’t hard to tell someone had picked it up!

Dipper raises an eyebrow. Though he already has an idea… a little confirmation never hurts. 

Like, you got a notification? Or literally felt?

The latter! Kinda like smell, but by touching things with your eyeballs. And with all your prodding around you might as well have been stinking up the place! Your spells aren’t real subtle!

Hey, they’re subtle! Having weird extra senses is just cheating.

Sucks to be human, then! In that you suck at everything! What’s a LOSER like you gonna do about it?

Dipper nearly throws the stupid artifact again - but he holds back, gripping it tight. Instead he sits up, leaning down and hauling his backpack up from the side of the bed. 

Maybe Bill thinks he can’t do anything. That he’s some ignorant nobody, who doesn’t have any real skills or talent or doesn’t have any friends - but he’s got that wrong. Dipper’s not a loser. Bill’s not getting away with that bullshit.

One quick unzip and a bit of rifling around later, he finds what he was looking for. Carefully, Dipper bounces the heft of a flashlight battery in his hand. Shutting his eyes, he focuses on crafting a quick working.

Magic is all about energy, and its direction. Focusing power, conveying it from one place to another. Pushing anything across dimensions would take impossible amounts of energy, stuff Dipper doesn’t have. If it weren’t for a very convenient connection, already in his hand.

Dipper has nothing on hand to actually exorcise the guy - he’s not sure that’s even possible when Bill’s where he should be - but retribution is in order.

More text lines appear on the artifact. He ignores them. Changing this up to work with the demon device is a challenge, but after figuring out how to alter the tracking spell changing this one up isn’t hard. He adjusts the flow of magic this way, into the tangle of not-veins in the device that way, finishes the chant-

Then touches his tongue to the battery.

The jolt passes through him painlessly, following the spell. It zips along his nerves, down into his hand and from there - into the artifact itself. 

Where it should, theoretically end up right at that bastard.

Dipper tosses the battery back into his backpack. Picking up the ‘phone’, hunching over to stare at the screen. 

That worked. He felt the energy move… unless he got the math wrong. Or a detail of his spell. Or maybe demons are immune to electricity, and he just did something totally pointless. 

God. It might even prove Bill right, and wouldn’t that be the worst - 

The next line of text comes in. 

What the hell? A joy buzzer? That’s some real petty prank stuff! You seriously pulled that bullshit? And across dimensions?

A tense pause. Dipper taps the phone, checking for it heating up again - but another line pops up after a few seconds.

Y’know what, kid? I think I might actually like you! You’re FEISTY.

Dipper nearly does a double-take. 

But no, that - what? Aren’t demons supposed to be vengeful? He was half-sure he’d have to chuck the phone out the window before it exploded in his hands. 

In fact, you’re in luck! ‘Cause I’m pretty bored, and I can totally show you how to improve that jinx of yours! If you can keep up with a little theory, that is.

Because that’s not suspicious or anything. Conversation with a demon can only lead to ruin and disaster. He should absolutely, definitely stop this right in its tracks.

Still, Dipper shrugs, and types, 

Try me.

[24bughours]

Something about motorcycles, man

Process under cut

[whump-queen]

good idea: whumper tying their whumpee up and forcing them to cuddle

whumper’s arms wrapped tight and possessive around whumpee’s injured form—too strong to be fought off, or perhaps whumpee is just too weak by this point.

a softly murmured "behave” into the crook of whumpee’s neck while spooning

whumper digging their nails into fresh cuts, getting a whine and hiss in response—but they stop struggling, and whumper leans in close to their ear with a growling murmer— “mmn. good boy.”

whumpee feeling slow kisses pressed into the side of their neck that make their skin crawl

maybe whumpee gets their hands bound in front of them this time, so they can fit in closer against whumper. and its more comfortable too. “shh, let yourself enjoy this.”

whumper cuddling with their hand around whumpee’s throat, not squeezing or anything, just… resting there.

knowing that if they tried to pull away, that hand would tighten instantly and squeeze until whumpee was dizzy and writhing back against them

and size difference… their throat, so small and soft and delicate under whumper’s rough fingertips

the way whumper’s hands would fit around their waist— the way they could press in under their ribs until whumpee is choking and their chest is spasming

whumpee shivering when they feel low whispers in their ear. just… so sticky and possessive

whumpee waking up with sore aching muscles from being kept in the same uncomfortable position all night. they sleepily try and flex their muscles and move around—then they’re hit fully awake with a jolt of cold panic when they realize where they are—and that they still can’t move at all.

waking up with whumper’s arms still tightly wrapped around them and trying desperately to squirm away, before they feel whumper’s hold tighten around them and hear a sleepy possessive growl in their ear, “mnn… no. you stay.”

just… any of the ‘tied up and kept like that’ tropes melt my fucjfen brain

(shoutout @unorganisedalienrubbish for helping inspire today’s episode of terrible sticky intimate whumper shit)

[fulgurbugs]

What would the travelers Pokémon teams be?

I can totally see Alfyn having a Blissey. Therion seems like he’d have a Gengar, potentially.

ok. upon literally hours of deliberation and team building (i actually already had ones for the OT1 travelers but decided to revisit them and change a few picks) me and my bestie @snailcruncher have settled on some teams. i will be going in depth on reasonings for these so prepare for a long post lol. im gonna put it under a readmore because really im not joking about how long it is

we also came up with some ideas/lore for why some of these would be picked in a pokemon AU setting, so i’ll be explaining any of those thoughts if they’re relevant too.

Ophilia:

one of the only teams left untouched, I think this is a good batch for her. i’m imagining a scenario where the sacred flame takes the form of a pokemon, and it’s a lampent. frosmoth and togetic felt just like… the right vibe. Lapras and Ampharos both have associations with guiding, so they’re in. Audino is a notable healing pokemon, and it feels in line with her personality as well.

Cyrus:

Alakazam for mr high iq smart guy. duh. oranguru for his role as a teacher, and Runerigus would be a late acquisition to his team in his ch4. Flareon, Glaceon, and Jolteon for the 3 scholar spell types. i also think him having 3 eeveelutions could also be kind of like, they’re really good for demonstrations for single-type stuff, as well as being popular with others. people might come up to him and be like omg you have a flareon i love flareon pleaseeee tell me more (flirtily) which of course would go over his head and he would start telling you flareon facts. I feel like Cyrus would excel in double battles.

Tressa:

Meowth: the pay day signature pokemon. this is as close as i can replicate to tressa randomly finding money. Skwovet (she can now take her pet squirrel with her in a pokeball)

Gyrados for sure. one, she lives along an ocean, so she should definitely have a water type, two, i’m imagining a scenario where she buys a magikarp cheap, seeing the potential in it, then raises it into a real powerhouse. just like her!

carbink: really funny scenario me and the bestie came up with that instead of eldrite the treasure was diancieite. the carbink is from the same cave. tressa did try to evolve it with the diancieite. it didn’t work.

pidgeot… felt like she needed a flying type (wind magic rep) and i feel like she’d gravitate to the humbler normal types… doesn’t get much more straightforward than pidgeot. Dhelmise… maybe it used to be captain leons, maybe she fished it out of the harbor in rippletide herself. either way, she thinks it’s cool

Olberic:

Aegislash: sword form, shield form…. this pokemon itself is the unbending blade. obviously i have given him several other sword based pokemon, too.

gallade, escavalier, and sirfetch’d badically all fit this. they’re knight-like, so they feel fitting i think to him.

as for conkeldurr and garganacl, they feel kind of… solidly built. like him. ( ⬇️ garganacl pick lore)

Primrose:

almost all of her pokemon can learn some kind of dance though their level up. Oricorio is the obvious choice, dragonair reps dragon dance, beautifly reps quiver dance, and lilligant… well they can learn so fucking many. we couldn’t decide on which one to give her, so we ended up giving her both. they’re her backup dancers or whatever.

mawile just feels very primrose to me. its cute or pretty or whatever, and you might underestimate it… but watch out. it bites.

Alfyn:

he feels like a guy who loves a big fluffy dog. and stoutland has also been used in games for its ability to sniff out items, so it feels like it’d be a good pick for an apothecary looking to sniff out herbs and such. Comfey is an obvious pick, i mean its signature move is. floral healing. meganium also has mentioned in its dex entries its healing and calming properties. it’s also a cool as fuck dinosaur so i think alfyn would like it.

chatot. does this even need explanation

we also wanted to give him an ice type, and settled on cubchoo. it has a perpetually runny nose… even Alfyn can’t fix it, try as he might.

as for leavanny, we had some trouble picking the last slot on this team. we were looking through friendship evos, and leavanny caught my eye. it’s dex entries mention that it’s very gentle, it also shows no mercy to foes who target young pokemon. seems fitting… we decided alfyn got it as a swadloon (maybe it could be taught to use its sewing abilities to dress wounds?) and it evolved during his ch3.

Therion:

I think Krookodile, mimikyu, and klefki are quite obvious picks, so i won’t go too in on them. Ninjask and Shedinja…. Ninjask is super speedy, so it felt right to give one to therion, but also i feel like.. he’d keep the shedinja around. even with 1 hp and one billion weaknesses… it’s still a part of his team. it and ninjask were born from the same nincada. he couldn’t abandon it like that.

and applin lol. something about therion gives me “guy who’s going for a cool as fuck hydrapple and ends up with an appletun actually”

H’aanit:

If anyone’s allowed to have legendaries, it’s the hunters. Chien-pao is as close as we can get to a snow leopard. and yeah maybe it’s a little evil but H’aanit is built different. Decidueye feels like an obvious pick, and spirit shackle is a great signature move for the h’aanit vibe. trapinch for. leghold trap. kilowattrel is literally a thunderbird. and ariados… well, it has the ability sniper, to reference hunter’s crit boosting abilities, as well as having some trapping moves like webs. for the Hunters, I’ve left their last spot blank, but this just means like, a “flex” spot that would be different each time you battled them. H’aanits got boxes of options to choose from.

now, onto the OT2 ones!

Ochette:

I’m sure you can see what i’m going for here. it’s just the closest i could get to Akala/mahina and her 3 story beasts. and again, like H’aanit, the last spot is “flex” not empty, so imagine her bringing some different new bullshit to every battle.

Cassti:

i wanted to do a few things with Castti: obviously, give her some healing-y mons, but also a few oddball picks that might have you looking twice. picked Shiinotic because of its ominous dex entries, and then. toedscruel because i realize shiinotic actuallt doesn’t get spore i think? and i think castti “put em to sleep right in the street” florenz should have a mon with spore. (edit. i actually just cant read the bulbapedia tables and shiinotic does get spore. anyways she gets two spore mons i guess cuz what if she’s gotta knock out two people at the same time. or whatever. dustox emits toxic powder from its wings, which seems like it could be something castti would want to keep on hand for poison axe. these three might seem a little weird tho, and reinforce her bad first impression in canalbrine, even though i’m sure they’d all be very well behaved and nice. Blissey and Arboliva are straightforward healing picks. I feel like these would be common for apothecaries to have in general.

and then galar-slowking. poison-activated brain nonsense. i feel like she acquires this one post-amnesia. they feel a kinship with each other.

Throné

Throné’s team is half-blacksnakes dedicated, half catered to herself. Every blacksnake has a seviper or an ekans, as well as probably most of them also having other grunt-esque pokemon, like zubats and such. throné’s taken care of hers, though, and friendship evolved it into a crobat.

chose furfrou because i think throné would like a prissy little dog she can dress up cutely. milcery, which she’s waiting on evolving until she can figure out what alcremie form she wants, and a shade-cherrim.

oh, and zangoose, of course. the natural enemy of sevipers. one appeared to her right after she left new delsta. what a sign, right?

Osvald:

Osvald we had some interesting stuff to work with, I think. we decided that most of his pokemon were newly acquired after his prison escape- not on purpose. they seem to just take a liking to him and start following him around.

the avalugg helped get him out of the frozen water at cape cold, and then stuck with him.

the teddiursa.. also just stuck with him. we wanted to give him something that felt a little oddball for him… so this doesn’t evolve. it stays cute and unevolved forever.

the shuppet was found hovering around the ruins of Osvald’s house. he was reluctant to take it, but if it was formed out of some semblance of his desire for vengeance… he has to be responsible for it.

the Indeedee is the only one of osvalds old pokemon, out of this lineup. since indeedee are so helpful to people, it was kind of a family pokemon acquired after elena’s birth (dex mentions they’re good at babysitting.) Osvald could probably also trust it with simple lab assistant tasks like moving stuff around. was a very beloved pokemon within their family. anyways, following his sentencing, clarissa managed to get ahold of the indeedee and took care of it all this time. when osvald returns, it’s clear it wants him to take her with him.

the drampa was acquired after the events of montwise, having shown up and basically just forced itself to go with osvald. somehow it seems to know what’s going on and who it can trust…

and slowking.. well, smart guy needs a smart pokemon. it’s another one that took a shine to him, though at that point he was getting used to this happening.

Partitio:

Talonflame: partitio’s aptitude for fire magic and the “chickadee” nickname made this an obvious choice for an ace. I can imagine a young partitio’s first pokemon being a fletchling, for sure.

bramblegast. the funny tumbleweed. put it on the team immediately.

Milotic: Paritio picked up a feebas. having a knack for seeing the potential in pokemon, he wasn’t wrong, and now hes got this thing. it’s very popular with other people, though it seems an odd pick for partito at first glance to strangers.

armarouge: ok this one’s a little convoluted so i will explain it later. kind of vibes based pick tho lol. revavroom kind of. uhh. steam engine. (we can pretend)

there ain’t a more partitio pokemon out there than gholdengo. everyone say thank you scarvi for giving partitio most of his team.

Agnea:

hey, it’s another oricorio! i think you can guess why.

volcarona: learns fiery dance, but we thought up even more lore on this one. the larvesta was a family pokemon. mostly belonging to Garud (we ended up deciding that the Bristarnis had a lot of bug types, who help out with the sewing stuff and larvesta does give a little bit silkworm, lol..)

anyways, part of his blessing for sending agnea off was telling her to take the larvesta, who also turned out to be a dazzling star in the end too… after a lot of hard work.

altaria and leafeon rep dragon and swords dance. i just feel like they’re good picks for her energy, too. lunatone reps the moonstep. I’ve also opted to give her a sunny cherrim, which i think would be cute contrasted with Throné’s gloomy one.

Temenos:

temenos has quite the oddball lineup for a cleric. but hes kind of an oddball cleric so i think it works.

Absol. man. a lot of shit happens to temenos. this absol is stressed tf out 24 fucking 7. sorry man.

Clefable: felt like we had to give him a healer-adjacent pokemon and this one evolves with a moonstone. feels fitting for mr night-ability mistral tbh.

Lokix. alright. another scenario based pick. Temenos caught this thing on the pilgrims way as a nymble at like level 2. probably rustling in the metaphorical tall grass, crick is all “get behind me, it could be dangerous” and then. lvl 2. nymble. doesn’t even need to be fought to be caught. and then temenos is all hey crick, it’s a “crick”et pokemon! (we’ll ignore that the dex says grasshopper) he’d keep it just to mess with crick, but it ends up sticking around.

Houndoom. well, temenos is the pontiff’s hound, so we did need to pick a dog for him. it’s a houndour in the beginning, houndoom by the end. probably evolved in a moment of crisis (in ch4?) the yamask is from crackridge.

wooloo. this is actually Crick’s. it wasn’t helping with the little lamb allegations… after the events of stormhail, Temenos takes it in.

Hikari:

Kingambit: i mean. come on. gotta get a kingambit for the future king.

Gardevoirs dex entire mention that it is dedicated to its trainer/cause to the bitter end, and would do anything to protect it. perfect for Hikari.

Morpeko and Zweilous. some literally two-faced pokemon. (maybe he feels a little bit of a kinship with them in that way) i also really wanted to give Hikari a pseudo-legendary, and i think that his zweilous would probably evolve just in the nick of time to kick some ass against mugen. Hydreigons might be notoriously destructive, but something about the personalities merging into one brain in evolution seems to have mellowed Hikari’s out. it’s remarkably personable, for a hydreigon.

lucario: i really wanted to give him a pokemon that learns copycat, and lucario fits that bill. plus, he definitely needed a fighting type.

Cerudelge: formed from bitterness of old cursed armor, but also an extremely skilled sword fighter… one of hikari’s aces.

I also like to imagine that a lot of hikari’s pokemon are quite difficult to deal with (his ceruledge in particular is quite belligerent and mean) but they all have utmost respect for him as a trainer, once they’re on the battlefield. but onlookers sometimes worry… how the hell does he deal with it all?

other notes about some of the picks :

Partitio’s amarouge. Paritio picked up a. charcadet later on, and hikari personally warned him that it might be difficult to deal with. (his charcadet and later ceruledge were super hard to train for him) of course, partitio did end up in possession of the cool nice armor that evolved it into the better mannered and nobler armarouge… but honestly, even his charcadet was far better behaved.

paritio and tressa both get those shitty fish that get cool. must be because they both have an eye for a diamond in the rough.

agnea and throné’s cherrims are best friends. throné rarely got to see her cherrim sunny-form until she left new delsta… she wonders if maybe it was upset about being so nocturnal before, with the blacksnakes.

castti and osvald, team mom and team dad somehow both ended up with slowkings. everyone’s a little concerned about castti’s, though…

after the events of his story, Osvald leaves indeedee and teddiursa with clarissa and elena. the teddiursa and elena in particular take to each other very well… when osvald finally is able to return to elena’s life, the teddiursa is really much more her pokemon.

also. H’aanit and Ochette and far and away the best battlers of both groups. i know i only have them with one flex spot, but you can imagine that they’d swap out a lot more for whatever they need to do to build a good team. they’ve got loads more options than everyone else.

you know that thing about giving someone an applin in galar? therion did trade it over to alfyn at one point. but really they have joint custody of that thing. which definitely ended up as an appletun.

we also had some npc aces sprinkled in there, so here’s some other thoughts, just as bonus!

Malaya: Pawmot (revival blessing), rapidash.

Elena: Abra

Harvey: Hypno, Bacephalon

Pala: Kricketot (formerly belonged to her and agnea’s mom)

Roque: Metagross

Kazan: Husuian Braviary

Ori: Chatot

Trousseau: Glimmora

Cordelia: ….ferrothorn

Erhardt: Aegislash, Hisuian Samurott

Z’aanta: Zamazenta

Juvah: is literally a solgaleo

Darius: Scrafy/Pangoro

Simeon: Malamar

Esmeralda: Mismagius (wanted to give her something with perish song)

Mattias: drifblim? darkrai?

Lucia: Hatterene

Miguel: Grimmsnarl

Werner: spectrier

Mugen: Kingambit. mirror match with Hikari, but mugen’s has supreme overlord while Hikari’s has defiant.

Kaldena: we couldn’t pick but maybe she goes like lusamine mode and fuses with something.

Claude: Cradily. (uh. literally fossil pokemon)

Dolcinea: belive it or not, also an oricorio. also, solrock. but her oricorio is the prettiest.

veronica: she has somehow acquired the worlds first and only female gallade through the power of lesbianism.

Crick: … wooloo….

I do wanna make some drawings for these ideas, but this post was literally already one billion miles long and has way too many images, so it’ll probably be a separate post. thanks for the ask! and sorry for talking so much, but i fucking love making pokemon teams so much it’s insane.

and a big thank you again to my bestie @snailcruncher who helped me with a lot of these picks (and did basically all of the npc picks thank you so much i love you). tysm for pokemon octopath brainrotting with me for like 4 hours.

[potato-lord-but-not]

once again being annoying in ur ask box bc i have more things to say <3

EVERY TIME I WAKE UP TO YOUR ART I SCREAM AND GIGGLE AND ROLL AROUND IN BED LIKE A SPARROW IN DUST. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. SEEING UR DRAWINGS GIVES ME THE MOST INSANE EUPHORIA, THAT'S LITERALLY ALL I WANT MY ART TO LOOK LIKE EVEN THOUGH MY STYLE IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AND I SUCK AT CARTOONISH STUFF I WOULD LITERALLY KILL TO BE ABLE TO DRAW LIKE YOU. I SHOW MY IRLS YOUR ART ON A DAILY BASIS. EVERY TIME YOU INTERACT WIT MY POSTS OR ANSWER MY ASKS I EXPLODE INTO A CLOUD OF GLITTER. YOUR DOODLES ARE SO SILLY AND I SWEAR IT DOESN'T MATTER WHEN I SEE YOUR POSTS THEY ALWAYS INJECT ME WITH SHEER PRIMAL RABID JOY <3333 I SAW ONE THE OTHER DAY AFTER A 5.6 MILE CROSS COUNTRY PRACTICE WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO JUMP OFF A CLIFF BUT HTEN I SAW SILLY HUMAN JOHN AND OSCAR AND IT WAS CURED AND I WAS INSTANTLY REJUVENATED!!!! okay enough all caps my pinky hurts from holding the shift key down. i'm on my hands and knees begging my mother to let me buy better alcohol markers because mine are coughing and wheezing a collective death rattle and they are simply NOT SUFFICIENT to try to attempt ur coloring style. ALSO. our human johns are like literally twins??? giggling kicking my feet the way you draw him is so lovely and precious and gorgeous and stunning and marvelous and perfect and adorable and beautiful 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 he looks so squishable i think he would give the most marvelous back cracking soul healing hugs ever. AND OH MY GOD. MIGHT BE GIVING MYSELF AWAY BUT WHATEVER. YOUR BUTCHER DESIGN RGAHFHSLJDLJ I HAVE NOT BEEN NORMAL ABOUT HIM EVER AND I YAPPED ABOUT HIM TO MY LESBIAN FREIND (SHOWING THEM YOUR ART OF HIM) AND SHE DOESNT GET ITTTTTT HES SO AMAZING I NEED HIM TO TIE ME TO A CHAIR AND RIP MY FINGERNAILS OF(the pipe bomb under my chair goes off)

ahem. anyways. that concludes today's insanity. my sincerest apologies, it will happen again <33333 i think ur art is gonna get me through this school year

asks that heal your ailments and cleanse your soul— I need to tag this as something niche so I can find it again when I’m feeling down and need some encouragement from izel I mean from this random anon <3

[maudiemoods]

Redesigning the ship again and probably not for the last time aaaaa I read some of the feedback and I really took it into consideration!! A bigger ship does seem a lot more necessary, especially with a ton of kids living full time on board! I adjusted the living area so it expands past the original shape of the ship, plus two towers because the one just looked kinda weird and off proportions! I'm also thinking about adding wings or fins to the ship because it seems like it's missing something like that? Idk

Also, little helper guys!! They're extremely easy to assemble and sun and moon or kids can build one for extra/personal help! They work like a hive mind so they're basically sun and moon just small! They can be disconnected from sun and moon and can become their own ai by experiencing their own things! A lot of kinds have personal sun and moons! Even when they are their own ai, sun and moon can still see and hear through them! So I guess they're not as disconnected as I said fjekjdjs also! They can be shut down immediately, no matter how connected to sun and moon they are! But they only do that if they step wayyy out of line, which doesn't happen often!

It takes a lot of energy to keep the little guys around! So when they're knocked out of orbit, they eventually all have to be shut down. Sun and moon will be completely alone for a long time before y/n find them

[starflungwaddledee]

They called me goofy...

:'D

well i'm pretty sure they won't do it again!

> follow up of this

[front-facing-pokemon]

[fromtheseventhhell]

Every time I see people talk about Sansa and Arya's relationship as "just sisters being sisters" I think about that one girl on TikTok who was basically stalking her sister who went no-contact and kept responding to comments criticizing her with "it's just a sister thing, you wouldn't get it". Like! Being shitty to someone isn't okay just cause you're related to them. Personally thinking a certain behavior is normal/harmless does not mean the person affected by it feels the same way! Arya being mocked and having self-esteem issues is referenced often throughout the story, all the way into ADwD. How people read that (jk I know you guys don't actually read her chapters) and think their issues will magically disappear is beyond me. "Stark sisters lover" but the only time you talk about them is when you're centering Sansa and her feelings 🤨

[tls123]

everyone (jiujiu and jin ling fans) look at this right now

[prince-liest]

i'm pretty sure alastor being aroace was backpedaled by amir 😭 he said it in an interview, but recently on twitter, he mentioned that he misspoke and alastor was canonically ace, but the fandom widely views him as aroace!! of course, the aro implications are very VERY evident, but i don't think it's like. Canon.

The conversation about Alastor being aro/ace during the second live Q&A on YouTube a little while ago is the most recent one I've seen from the cast on the topic, and it was very... how do I put this. Viv did not explicitly utter the words "Alastor is aromantic," but I think that if the subject were literally anything else that people didn't have a tendency to debate into the ground, it would be unquestionable, haha. There is only so much nodding at, "mhm"ing, engaging with, agreeing that it was important to confirm, and explicitly not correcting of people calling Alastor aro/ace that she can do before it's, like, obvious that she meant him to be. As for Amir himself: He outright stated in the same Q&A that he is working on understanding what aro/ace means, so let's please give him the space to learn!

Even if that hadn't happened, though, I think it's a little silly to say he's not aromantic just because it may not have been explicitly stated by the show's creator in the straightforward terms explicitly accepted by a specific subsection of the show's online community, especially when I think the average TV show writer often isn't going to understand the distinction well enough to consistently specify the terminology or even make a distinction at all.

Like, when Rosie made the joke about Alastor being an ace in the hole, did we think she was reassuring Alastor that she knows he and Charlie aren't outright fucking? Or does it make more sense that her comment was meant more generally about the idea of him being in a relationship at all? Would it have made sense for her to make a joke about Charlie being too young for Alastor if she thought he was open to romantic relationships, or do we think she would consider Charlie too young for a romantic relationship with him even if the characters weren't having sex? What is the actual implication of how this scene plays out if we step back from our modern and informed understanding of aro/ace terminology and into the shoes of the average Joe or Sally watching this show who doesn't even know who Viv is?

I think that if we engage with this scene with a genuine attempt at media literacy then it's pretty safe to say that it's on-screen canon!

[lostuntothisworld]

I've been a Luka stan for about a year now, and while I admit there are stereotypes that goes with guitar players (and they CAN be true!)

I would like to extend the fact that he also knows how to play classical violin, among other stringed instruments, and was also raised by a musician, his mother Anarka.

Luka MOST DEFINITELY knows how to read sheet music, and knows music theory like the back of his hand.

Nobody's trash talking Adrien about his music knowledge because he's been studying classical piano, but why not classical violin Luka? Is it because he's a fork in the road of the Love Square?

Sorry, he's not a stereotype of a fuckboy guitarist, but instead just a talented guy with an atlas complex, but I digress.