#take care of yourself chapters

[acacia-may]

Take Care Of Yourself Masterlist (And Links to All Chapters)

Masterlist with Links to All Chapters of my "Take Care of Yourself" story 💙💜

Story Summary:

Aspiring Demon Slayer Giyu Tomioka is on a quest to prove himself, and he doesn't think it matters too much what happens to him in the process. When he winds up in the hospital again, however, he discovers there is someone who does.

Giyu & Shinobu's relationship through the years and an origin story of how they became friends.

Story Details:

Fandom: Demon Slayer/Kimetsu no Yaiba

Genre: Friendship, Developing Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Relationships: Giyu Tomioka & Shinobu Kocho Friendship (though I suppose you could take it in a romantic way if you really wanted it to be) [A/N: This story focuses on how their relationship developed over time and how deeply and genuinely they care about each other so how you want to qualify that (platonic or romantic) is really up to you. My intention was to write about their platonic friendship, but I have been told that the final chapter could lean a little more romantic than the others(?) so warnings for that upfront...]

Characters: Giyu Tomioka (POV Character) and Shinobu Kocho. [Kanae Kocho and Sabito are mentioned but do not physically appear in this story. Sanemi Shinazugawa is briefly mentioned once in every chapter as an easter egg for my sister who loves him and encouraged me to write this story in the first place].

Rating: T for Thematic Elements (Please see "Warnings" below for more details)

Warnings: Heavy themes (i.e. grief, emotional trauma, & survivor guilt), mentions of (non-depicted) past deaths, and depiction of injuries as well as some discussion of demon slaying violence related to those injuries. Ch. 3 has some action sequences and mild, non-gory/non-graphic depictions of demon slaying. All chapters contain SPOILERS for and through Ch. 131 of the manga. Ch. 3 & Ch. 4 contain vague spoilers from and through Ch. 163 of the manga and some related foreshadowing.

Word Count: 7573 Total

Link to original post on AO3. Please do not repost to another site.

CHAPTER LINKS (TUMBLR):

CHAPTER 1 LINK

Chapter Description: Aspiring Demon Slayer Giyu Tomioka is on a quest to prove himself, and he doesn't think it matters too much what happens to him in the process. When he winds up in the hospital again, however, he discovers there is someone who does.

Chapter Specific Warnings: Chapter 1 contains spoilers through Ch. 131 of the Kimetsu no Yaiba/Demon Slayer manga so please proceed with caution if you do not want to be spoiled.

CHAPTER 2 LINK

Chapter Description: Though Giyu tries to take Shinobu's words to heart and take better care of himself, there is only so much someone can do when facing a Lower Moon. When he winds up in the hospital again, Giyu is sure he has disappointed her and waits for her lecture about how he didn’t listen to a word she had said—but it never comes. It seems Shinobu is avoiding him. Somehow this is worse…

Chapter Specific Warnings: Chapter 2 contains very specific spoilers for Ch. 131 of the manga and mentions/discusses a (non-depicted) past death. Please proceed with caution.

CHAPTER 3 LINK

Chapter Description: On yet another joint mission, Water Hashira Giyu and new Insect Hashira Shinobu face off against a formidable adversary. Shinobu insists that being out in the field with him has she finally understand how he keeps getting all of his injuries. However, as she is getting to know him better, she is becoming more of a mystery to him--buried somewhere beneath what she wants him to see and the grief she tries so desperately to keep hidden...

Chapter Specific Warnings: Chapter 3 contains some action sequences and mild, non-gory depictions of demon slaying with some non-serious/non-life-threatening injuries. Spoilers through Ch. 131 of the manga, and some vague spoilers/foreshadowing through Ch. 163 as well as mentions of a (non-depicted) past character death. Please proceed with caution.

CHAPTER 4 LINK

Chapter Description: When Giyu is injured as part of Hashira Training, he visits Shinobu for the first time in a long time. She patches him up once again--teasing him as always about taking better care of himself, but this time, there is something in her voice when she says "I'm not going to be around to patch you up forever, you know?" that gives Giyu pause and makes him wonder: if Kocho is the one who is always telling him to take care of himself, who is there to tell her the same thing? And would she even listen to them if they did? 

Chapter Specific Warnings: Chapter 4 contains spoilers and foreshadowing through Ch. 163 of the manga and has an angsty ending. Apologies in advance for that.

Author's Note: This story's title was inspired by the song "Take Care of Yourself" by Maisie Peters. Links below.

Maisie Peters - Take Care Of Yourself - Lyric Video - YouTube

Thank you so much for reading! 🦋

[originalartblog]

Don't forget to eat to keep the demons at bay

[levi-lev]

*chapter 308 spoilers*

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

jon val jon or something

[blueish-bird]

Chainsaw Man is about self-destruction. It’s about self-destruction as a means of reclaiming your autonomy in an environment where you are consistently denied it. Chainsaw Man is about denial of autonomy. Chainsaw Man is about how, when you are in an environment where you are denied your own autonomy, you learn to view interpersonal relationships as interactions you have no control over unless you find a means of controlling the other members of that relationship — whether that be through methods of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Chainsaw Man is about how denial of autonomy is framed as love. Chainsaw Man is about how love that denies autonomy is violence.

[lavenoon]

Did I plan on adding to the reveal comics I made? No. Have a prequel to this one anyway. Fully from our little Hunter's perspective this time, so no heartbeats in this one (just me going wild with lines from the fic). Protective idiot hellbent on the belief that all cryptids are evil is confronted with the fact that 1) their buddies are what they consider to be an "evil thing" and 2) have proven again and again that they care deeply about them and protect them right back. That won't cause cognitive dissonance for sure! (:

@naffeclipse Hi yes hello I am still SCREAMING about the newest chapter literally every time I think about it too much I have to get up and move (made drawing this a unique challenge LMAO) I need to physically shake someone about it. Finally time to drop the lie I am so not normal about this fic

Lines in the first panel: "Speak no more." "It looks just fine to me." You've never detected an entity this strong before. He stays back as you flick holy water throughout the rooms. [...] a pitch black flat face, circled by deep blue and blood red jutting angles [...] "I don't know what you got in you that keeps setting off my equipment, but it is strong." Its remaining three eyes aren't upon you but on something above you. "They don't think, they don't feel. They exist to terrorize and torment." "I think you scared it." "We are scarier than it." Somehow, he closed the gap between the two of you in a moment. [...] nothing short of another threat could make it give pause [...]

Second panel: You're grateful Moon is here with you. "Breathe," he says, warm as sunshine, calm as the new day. Moon lifts you off the ground, clutching you close around the waist. Moon's optics frantically flick to you, wide in alarm. You are first aware of cool fingertips stroking the top of your hair. "We will stay with you," he murmurs in a tender tone that makes your heart swell. [...] your electronically recorded gasp causes Sun to bristle. [...] expose your shoulder to Sun, who makes a rather deep, unpleasant noise when you both find angry red marks [...] You have each other. You're not losing that. "I assure you, little hunter, I'm not leaving your side." [...] kept anchored by the safety of Sun's hand. [...] you squint to make out Moon at your backside, holding you close. "You take care of the scary things." "You won't be near us." By the glow of his eyes, he almost seems to admire you. Sun presses you to his chassis. "We, and our soot, are at your mercy, little hunter." It certainly wouldn't have lent a hand in taking down another cryptid. [...] he flings it away from you. Well, the slightest bit of intrigue, or is it confusion? "You're hurt." Because of him, you raise your voice. He taps once. "You have a dauntless heart." "We must come with you." "That's what we adore about you." "You kept me safe," Moon says softly.

[aquillaac3]

Inspired by a fanfic created by @kodared where y/n gets their attire and their pants looks a lot like Wally's. I really like the fact that y/n sometimes gets compared to Wally so I decided to give a slight few changes on the shirt making it look a bit similar to his.

Ooh I'm pretty sure Wally was delighted to see they're matching! (Also y/n isn't very fond of him)

It's a really good Welcome Home x Reader fanfic, I really recommend it! They give a lot of spotlight to the secondary characters especially Howdy, Barnaby, and Poppy!😭😭😭

[pluttskutt]

whenever I come accross posts about engagement and writing for yourself I always think back to the one I made where I said "I do write for myself but share for engagement" and I wanna rb it with the meme of someone with a pointy stick but I didn't tag it properly so I can't ever find it

[lesmisscraper]

Madame Victurnien expends Thirty Five Francs on Morality. Volume 1, Book 5, Chapter 8.

Clips from <Il cuore di Cosette>.

[stemacademics]

i shamelessly procrastinated today lol

[acacia-may]

Take Care of Yourself Chapter 4 (Finale)

Chapter 4 Description: When Giyu is injured as part of the Hashira Training, he visits Shinobu for the first time in a long time. She patches him up once again--teasing him as always about taking better care of himself, but this time, there is something in her voice when she says "I'm not going to be around to patch you up forever, you know?" that gives Giyu pause and makes him wonder: if Kocho is the one who is always telling him to take care of himself, who is there to tell her the same thing? And would she even listen to them if they did? 

Story Description: Giyu & Shinobu's relationship through the years and an origin story of how they became friends.

Fandom: Demon Slayer/Kimetsu no Yaiba

Genre: Friendship, Developing Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Relationships: Giyu Tomioka & Shinobu Kocho Friendship (though I suppose you could take it in a romantic way if you really wanted it to be) [A/N: This story focuses on how their relationship developed over time and how deeply and genuinely they care about each other so how you want to qualify that (platonic or romantic) is really up to you. My intention was to write about their platonic friendship, but I have been told that the final chapter could lean a little more romantic than the others(?) so warnings for that upfront...]

Characters: Giyu Tomioka (POV Character) and Shinobu Kocho. [Kanae Kocho and Sabito are mentioned but do not physically appear in this story. Sanemi Shinazugawa is briefly mentioned once in every chapter as an easter egg for my sister who loves him and encouraged me to write this story in the first place].

Rating: T for Thematic Elements (Please see "Warnings" below for more details)

Warnings: Heavy themes (i.e. grief, emotional trauma, & survivor guilt), mentions of (non-depicted) past deaths, and depiction of injuries as well as some discussion of demon slaying violence related to those injuries. Ch. 3 has some action sequences and mild, non-gory/non-graphic depictions of demon slaying. All chapters contain SPOILERS for and through Ch. 131 of the manga. Ch. 3 & Ch. 4 contain vague spoilers from and through Ch. 163 of the manga and some related foreshadowing.

Word Count: 2033 (Chapter 4) [7573 Total]

Link to original post on AO3. Please do not repost to another site.

Tumblr Links to The Previous Chapter: Chapter 3. This Chapter (Chapter 4) is the Final Chapter.

Note: This is an older story of mine, but I am posting it here to Tumblr for Shinobu's upcoming birthday (since as much as I want to write another story to celebrate my favourite Demon Slayer character, I'm afraid I will not have time this year...)

Chapter 4 below the cut. Please Note: Chapter 4 contains spoilers and foreshadowing through Ch. 163 of the manga and has an angsty ending. (Apologies in advance for that). Thank you for reading! 🦋

“Only this once” quickly turned into a recurring, regular stop at small, hole in the wall restaurants or food carts after their missions. Eating together like that was such a mundane thing, but it almost made Giyu feel normal. In his life as a demon slayer, he had very few fond memories of the regular, everyday experiences others took for granted like stopping at a tiny diner and chatting over a bowl of Udon—or, he supposed, technically Kocho did most of the talking while he listened. He sometimes wondered if she, too, appreciated the chance to be ordinary, even though he knew that even in the absence of demon slaying there was very little that was unremarkable about her. Her skills as a doctor and pharmacist, for instance,  were extraordinary in their own right—especially when one was on the receiving end of her treatment, as Giyu was now.

“Hold still,” said Kocho as she stitched the gash in his arm which tensed involuntarily each time the wound was poked and prodded. Maybe that’s what she meant by ‘hold still.’ Giyu tried to make a conscious effort, but when he flinched again, she huffed, “Tomioka-san!”

“Sorry,” he mumbled. Given how many times Kocho had stitched up his wounds, he thought he should be used to it by now. Even so, it was a relief when the suture was finally complete. She huffed again.

“Shinazugawa did this to you?”

Giyu nodded but added graciously, “I don’t think he meant to. We were sparring as part of the Hashira training. Wind Breathing is rough…”

“And I bet you were spacing out again, weren’t you?” Kocho rolled her eyes but frowned at the gash in his arm and the other injuries that she had already bandaged. She shook her head. “At this rate, you won’t be in any shape to fight Muzan or the Moons.”

Giyu sighed. He didn’t think he would be in much shape to fight the remaining upper rank demons even without getting a bit beaten up by Shinazugawa’s Wind Breathing as he doubted he would be able to manifest a mark like he was sure the others would—they were so much stronger than he was. That reminded him…

“Kocho, have you participated in the Hashira training yet?”

She turned away from him and walked over to the shelves of medical supplies. “No,” she answered curtly with her back to him. “The Master has given me another task that’s kept me very busy.”

She sighed as she rummaged around in a cabinet, and her voice grew quieter though still matter-of-fact, “I doubt I could even manifest a mark anyway—my breathing isn’t like yours. I can’t…” She stopped. As Giyu expected, when she turned towards him, she had that hollow smile on her face again. “Besides, I spend all my extra time healing careless demon slayers like you. I don’t have time for any special training, and I’d prefer to save my energy for Muzan and the Moons anyway.”

As Kocho took a seat next to him, Giyu couldn’t help but wonder how much energy she had these days. She appeared more ragged each time he saw her, which had been getting less and less frequent ever since the demon activity had inexplicitly stopped and the Hashira training had begun.

He wondered if she was feeling alright—not that she would tell him or anyone if she wasn’t. Kocho was the master of the brave face—always pretending she was at her best and pushing herself to be strong for everyone around her. She looked out for others before herself without even blinking an eye. She had an unbelievable strength and resolve that Giyu still couldn’t wrap his head around—but he knew it must be a heavy burden and he couldn’t help but wonder if she was growing tired under its crushing weight.

“I think there’s only one left,” said Kocho pulling Giyu out of his thoughts. As she unspooled some bandages and began to dig through her pocket, a handful of something small and brown fell on the ground with a clatter. Giyu’s eyebrows twitched.

“Acorns?”

Kocho sighed and rolled her eyes as she bent over to pick them up. “From Inosuke. He had a nasty cut on his head that I bandaged up for him earlier today, and he gave me those for some reason...” She shook her head, but her mouth twitched into an almost-affectionate smile as she placed the handful of acorns on a nearby table. She turned back to Giyu with the gauze, he assumed, she was trying to get out of her pocket in the first place, and added with a teasing smile, “He’s almost as reckless as you are…”

"I would’ve thought he was like Shinazugawa…” answered Giyu dryly—the Wind Hashira and the boar mask boy both seemed to have the same hotheaded aggression.

“Yes, him too. The three of you are far too reckless…especially you, Tomioka-san,” glowered Kocho as she began to clean the cut on his shoulder with a huff. “Did you really get all of these injuries from sparring?” Giyu nodded.

“You need to take better care of yourself,” she scolded but her violet eyes looked tired and her weary voice started to fade as her gentle hands wrapped the gauze around his shoulder. “I’m not going to be around to patch you up forever, you know?”

Something twisted in Giyu’s chest. He turned towards her with a start.  “What?”

“Tomioka-san, hold still,” she snapped in frustration—his rapid movement having unspooled her bandaging. His brow furrowed, and he stared at her as if searching the irritated expression on her pale face for the unnerving twinge he had heard in her voice.

“What do you mean?” he asked, and Kocho whipped away from him pulling the bandage tight. When Giyu flinched, she loosened her grip and sighed with a slight shake of her head.

“Nothing. I just meant…you never know what’s going to happen. I’m sure you’ve felt it too—our final battle with Muzan could happen any day now, and it would be foolish to think that we’ll all make it back from it alive and unscathed. We’re Hashira…we’ve always known we might have to make the ultimate sacrifice—it’s just part of our job and our duty. That’s all I was saying…” Her answer was calm, nonchalant, and sensical—somehow respectful to the gravity of sacrifice but dismissive of her original comment—such were Kocho’s skills of deflection. Giyu blinked, and his brow furrowed as his insides coiled.

“Kocho…” he began. “You look tired…”

“Well, you don’t look so great yourself,” she bristled as she finished bandaging his shoulder.

“Maybe you should rest,” he suggested earning an indignant glare.

“Maybe I would have time to rest if a certain airheaded water pillar didn’t keep getting himself beaten up.” She flashed him a teasing smile, but Giyu could tell she had stiffened.  

With a guilty sigh, he downcast his eyes. “I’m sorry…”

“You should be,” she bantered before returning to her bandaging with, Giyu knew, no intention of continuing this conversation. He watched as her hands trembled as she wrapped his wound and noticed the dark rings under her eyes, the gauntness of her face. He couldn’t help but think that if he had looked like that, Kocho would be scolding him, ushering him into a hospital bed, and insisting ‘you need to take care of yourself.’ Something panged in his chest. Kocho was the one who had always told him to take care of himself, but who was there to tell her the same thing? And would she even listen to them if they did?   

“Are you sick?” he asked surprising himself by his boldness in pressing the issue, and, he supposed, Kocho as well as her hands stopped moving for just a moment before she pointedly tilted her head.

“No, and how is that any of your business?” Giyu supposed she had a point. He wondered if he should just leave the subject alone, but the knots in his stomach made him feel queasy. He wasn’t always the best at picking up on Kocho’s deflections—wanting to take her at her word—but this time…

“Your face is pale, and your eyes are red…like you haven’t been sleeping…”

“Oh, you’re one to talk about sleeping, insomniac…” she teased, but he could see the tension in her shoulders.

“Something is wrong…” he observed or perhaps admitted aloud as his heart beat faster.

“You’re so rude, Tomioka-san,” Kocho scolded with her empty, teasing smile but her voice hitched as she stood up from her seat and turned to leave with a shaky huff. “You know, this is exactly why no one likes—” Kocho stopped. She stared at Giyu’s hand which had suddenly wrapped around her wrist.

“What…what are you?” she spluttered as her gaunt cheeks flushed pink, and Giyu swallowed hard as he felt her pulse pounding against his palm. He hadn’t meant to do that—had only meant to stop her before she left and buried his concerns somewhere on the other side of the great abyss between them, with all of the other words they left unsaid.

Kocho huffed and jerked her arm away from him, but he asked, shocked by his own boldness, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” her words tumbled rapidly as she grew visibly huffy and glared directly at him. “I told you I’m fine. Just forget it!”

“Kocho—”  

“I said drop it, Giyu!”

Giyu’s mouth fell a bit slack in spite of himself as Kocho’s eyes widened in realization of what she had said. She had never called him that—not once in the many years that they had known each other. A blush crossed over her cheeks but whether it was from embarrassment or frustration, Giyu didn’t know.

She glared at him at him almost threateningly. “Please,” she gritted through her teeth. Her stormy eyes were irate and intimidating, but there was something else, something almost distraught, almost desperate. Giyu’s insides twisted. He almost wondered if he should try to stumble through an apology but couldn’t seem to find the words as he shifted under the weight of her gaze.

Seemingly shaking it off, Kocho bristled and stiffened before she gathered her medical supplies and said curtly, “All your wounds are taken care of. You can go now.” She stared at the ground and wouldn’t look at him, and when she sighed, her voice was calm almost quiet, different than the teasing banter with which she would’ve usually said the following words, “If it makes you feel better, I’ll try to get some extra sleep tonight. Okay? Happy?”

Giyu blinked at her. He didn’t know what to say, but he somehow managed a brisk nod. Kocho nodded in return, and they stumbled their way through awkward, curt goodbyes. However, when she turned to leave, something gnawed and twisted in the pit of Giyu’s stomach, a truly horrible feeling—the same one he had had when Tsutako had hidden him urging him to stay quiet or Makomo had waved goodbye before leaving for Mount Fujikasane or Sabito had run off ahead of him at Final Selection—an impending sense of dread that he was never going to see her again.

“Kocho…” he said the desperation creeping into his voice. She must’ve heard it too because she turned around to look back at him with surprise on her face.

For years later, Giyu would come back to this moment—agonizing over every detail, wondering if he had just pushed a little harder, if he had just probed a little more, asked a little more forcefully, been a little bit braver—if he had just had the courage to cross that great divide between them, between the things they shared and the things they couldn’t say, would things have been different?

But as it was, Giyu stopped on the precipice of that chasm—unable to ask the questions he so desperately wanted to ask, to say the words he so desperately wanted to say—so he said the only thing that he could, desperately hoping that the meaning would somehow reach her.   

“Take care of yourself.”

[anulithots]

So that could've been a mini-spiral, here's a thing that helped.

Uhmm... I'm going to tag @holdmyteaplease and @dancinginsepia, you all may like this <3

Context is that the others are in the "news watching phase" and I don't like my existence being political. (But sarcasm is great, that was the moral of the story.)

ANYWHO-

Specifically make a playlist to songs you've had the "nirvana lots of stimming" thing for. The ones that you've played over and over again for days and hummed along and danced to in the closet. Just those ones. Not any of the "good vibes ones" or even the "ooh character daydreams ones" just the ones you've actively felt the uber-happy-serotonin to. (Although in mine I added a few more melancholy ones that still give me happy chemicals, just make sure the most jammie jam ones are first.)

Mine's here because why not:

Okie dokie, that's part one.

The second part is the assigning a thought process the role of "caretaker". I story-fied this so that there are pixies that take residence in Anuli's head because of mycorrhizal symbiosis and only Naegi (the language processing, presentable one) can speak, so fae tells Anuli to use faer thoughts to give Squioo (the caretaker) a voice, and I really really want to include snippets of on-the-spot prose but maybe at the end.

Anywho, this "caretaker" thought process is there to soothe you whenever you need them. Mine calls me "bean" and says a lot of "I know, it's okay" and any help I need with doing the next task and not holding onto the spiral thoughts.

In fact! Thoughts become most damaging when they are OUR thoughts. They aren't! Most of the time, they are offered from that collection of subconscious childhood sponge stuff. You collected that, yes, but not by choice, so none of that is yours, they are only meant to help you when you need it.

And there was this one podcast my parents listened to in the car (long drives <3) and it talked about the four parts of the brain (Theoretically, they are nice guides, not foolproof, but nice. It makes me feel less alone - that was cheesy - in my head). They go like this:

The presentable one. Think "masking". This is your presentably and plan-making part of your brain that likes to analyze things (for the sake of future things, I think hyperfixations are more of a "three" part of the brain... more on that later.) Very future focused and will try to keep you out of trouble in society. You can call upon this one for any logic things for the future.

The Danger one. The one that probably got you in that spiral. They are that scared child that needs to hide and protect themselves and get away from the danger. They are only a scared little one, so it's best to call upon the Caretaker at that point to calm them down.

The inner child. Hyperfixations and the present moment has all these wonderful things and let's have some fun and oooh squirrel and this one lives off dopamine and having fun and stimulation every second of the day. Can get in trouble though. And this one will probably use jokes to make you feel better. Also a little one.

Then there's the caretaker.

I sttttoorrryyyfiiiieeeddd them! (They used to be one being and before they split and Floa got in trouble and now they are banished and Naegi is working on a plan to get unbanished and I don't even know if they will be cannon yet but like... I love them and they are the roles that I use.)

----

SNIPPETS

TW for the idea that certain minorities/other groups can be "parasites" and harm the majority. (Sorry, don't know what the term for this would be.)

"I don't want to think about that fallen fairy nonsense. In fact, say another word about them and I'll find one... I'll rip it;s eyes out so it can see what horror its bringing to all of my innocent dryads. "

Maidoe nodded. Nodded. Not a single shift in faer behavior. Did fae- was Maidoe like that too?

Does fae think that of me?

The container shattered. Static latched along my neck, tightening. My breath caught in the fibers. Perhaps my heart burst, it's sticky web spun around my head. Blood trickled from my ears. It exposed me to everyone, my eyes would fall into the puddles, warm and sticky and my sight fell beneath the pools of blood sinking beneath all the horrors I've ever-

"You okay? You went..." Maidoe tilted faer head, "Well, you're staring at your feet like they've wronged you."

I'm a fallen fairy. I'm a fallen fairy. I'm a fallen fairy. I'm a fallen fairy I'm drowning I'm drowning

dying.

dying.

dying.

"F-fine" I breathed.

"You sure?"

Just that word was an arc, a million stories, all that I had left, any more and I would burst at the seams.

I nodded.

Maidoe smiled and turned back to the Mother Fairy, the one who- and fae was -

How could fae be two things? That's not moral ambiguity, that's a juxtaposition and a dichotomy and tonal dissonance and it didn't add anything it didn't make narrative sense-

'You're spiraling.'

I growled. I know that Naegi, I know, I'm sorry, I know, and it's not-

'Squioo could help. Fae's done so before, and we can have us fumbling in front of important figures, just think of what that would do to our reputation-'

Fibers wormed around my spine, snaked around my neck, pulled until it bled, swelled-

Squioo could fix it?

What do I do? How do I do it? Is it difficult because I can't, I'm sorry, it's not- but I'll try to- I can't promise-

My scalp throbbed. I would've pressed my hands to my head and tugged at roots and yet my fingertips remained by my sides.

'Just give faer access to your thoughts so fae can speak to you, since you think in... word-ish pictures?'

Stories. I'm sorry. Did I mess it up already? Predestined fate of the villain and I will burst and that will mess everything up and this is nothing I haven't heard before and it was so small what do I do what do I do-

'Just imagine one of those... how would you phrase it? Mentor figures? Except more of the subtle sort. A caretaker. Someone who will soothe you from this spiral, imagine a few words and Squioo will gain access from there.'

I stiffened. The whispers of a forgotten lullaby ringing in my ears, of broken windchimes and fae was hurt and angry and does Kamari think like that now-

'Try a sentence to start with.'

You're okay, little on- oh I- what if it doesn't work? Am I doing it right? What if it's- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

'Continue.'

You'll be okay, Anuli, I promise. We'll have a happy ending where we sing to the stars that we are free. It will be wonderous. Are you cold? Does that feel better?

If you wanted to stay you wouldn't have broken-

'Hello love. We'll take this one note at a time, okay?'

I bit the inside of my mouth, the sobs scratching at the confines. Okay

'Can you focus on the insides of your nose for me? And when you're ready, take a deep breath, whenever you're ready. Okay?'

I'll burst.

'That's okay. Do you want to try your palms instead? Can you watch those?'

My fingers twitched at my sides. Like this?

'Yes, very good love. Do your palms feel cold, hot?'

Hot and twitchy.

'That's alright love. Just watch it for now, any sensations?'

Yes.

'Can you tell me about them?'

I breathed out, hitched and shaky. They have... sparkles? Waves of almost wind but thicker, soft and... bouncy... like moss? But clouds?

'Cloudy moss must be very soft.'

A spurt of laughter mixed with swollen sobs. It's floaty.

'That's wonderous love. We'll watch it together, okay?'

Okay.

The fibers and blood fell though my fingertips, leaving me a washed-out cloth, left in the rain for moons, and oh how hollow and wonderous the sunlight was.

Squioo?

'Yes?'

... You're wonderous. Thank you.

'Aw. Thank you love.'

[not-poignant]

When will they just communicate?!?! JUST COMMUNICATE!!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! These boys are killing me right now. I need them to be ok but they're not and I'm dying because of it.

I just want Ef to be touched nicely and not feel awful and I want Gary to stop being sad and actually use that smart brain of his.

Please please please tell me thing get better after this (relationship and intimacy wise) because I don't think I can take much more. 200k words and counting and we're still suffering Pia i cant-

*stares at Game Theory which was 420k words of suffering, then the characters took a short breath, and continued with way more suffering in The Court of Five Thrones for another 400k*

Honestly 200k isn't that much by my standards lmao

Falling Falling Stars was 770k and I think we can safely say that the suffering continued (with comfort in between) all the way up until the end.

I don't write short stories with quick happy endings, and I never have, because I don't want to write them.

That being said, things do improve in Gary's and Efnisien's relationship after this, but it is around chapter 67 that this really starts to happen. What they're going through now is a huge turning point for the both of them, for different reasons, and because so much character growth is happening / being triggered off, the time expands into multiple chapters.

Efnisien may always feel awful - at least sometimes - when he's touched. I can't unmake his lifetime of trauma and I don't think he'll ever be 100% easy with it every single time. Gary can't just 'stop being sad' because he lost the love of his life, who he will always love, and he has complex grief, and PTSD of his own to deal with as well. These aren't people who are sailing towards being made into 'happy shiny people' (I really hate writing stories like that anon, I'm sorry).

Gary's grief will be with him to the end of the story, and then beyond, and real love will be in Efnisien's ability to accept that and accept the presence of James in their lives together. Likewise, Efnisien will never be entirely easy around well, just about anything to do with life, and real love is accepting that too.

Their thoughts around these things will change over time, but the feelings themselves won't go away. They just might make more room for other feelings.

I don't really know what you're expecting in that sense, anon. If you're not used to reading my stories, you might be disappointed to learn that I don't really aim for truly resolved emotional issues so much as the sense that the characters are just doing better with them than before.

And Gary and Efnisien will get better, they already communicate so much better than they did at the beginning.

Sometimes it's worth remembering that these two started off with hostility, alpha persuasions, cruelty and callousness, and that where they are right now - as painful as it is - is actually still huge for them. That doesn't stop it from being painful, but Efnisien is so much more of a person than he was before (in large part due to Gary), and Gary is so much more in touch with his own emotional landscape and wants and needs (in large part due to Efnisien).

I can say that there's a lot of comfort coming.

But it is quite a few more chapters away, unfortunately.

[whysamwhy123]

I'm writing AGAAAAAAIN

And it's TRRAAAAAAASH

But I don't CAAAAAAARE

Because it's FUUUUUUNN

[ssreeder]

AHHHHHHH!!! I love it! :D

You're writing is always amazing Reeds! I'm so happy with the direction of the story! Oh what waits! All the chaos and misery of war... hahahahaha :D

Hope you're doing well! Remember to prioritize your health Reeds! I hope you're not under so much stress! *sending virtual hugs*

No Red Anon is available at the moment, for school is stressing Pain Anon a lot and must take most control at the moment! But maybe they'll come out soon!

We'll never know. :D

(Except I do)

But yes hope you're doing well! Meanwhile, my head is also going brrrrr because of the new English production of Death Note and Welcome Home! You're making my head spin in a good way once more! So thank you! :D

-Pain Anon

-Red Anon

Hahaha I love how balanced you are with your excitement for the potentially fun time ahead and then the reality that war is coming & i have a bad habit of blowing things up :)

I hope school isn’t stressing you too much & you are also taking time to relax & enjoy life!! ;)

Ok pain/red anon I will see you soon I’m sure <3

[princesssarcastia]

Summary:

Man hands on misery to man.

Or: The Kazansky kids (plus Bradley Bradshaw) and life as children of polyamorous divorce.

The first of four chapters! Featuring the middle Kazansky child, who has more in common with his dad than most people would think—but also, less.

Excerpt:

Now he’s thinking about it, as he holds this guy he’s pretty sure he’s stupid in love with.  Casting the shadow in sharp relief.  Because if this is what his father felt like, if this is what he gave up for the navy—how could he give this up?  How could he bear it? What could possibly be worth losing this?