#taking tumblr and posting a little less seriously has helped a lot

[maudiemoods]

Some drawings from my new sketchbook yayyayy!!

Idk why some of them have a warm tint to them but yeah doodles wooo

[toutvatoujoursbien]

midnight thoughts (i hope i don't regret this)

Let me preface this by saying that these are just (very, very long) ramblings I’ve had in my head over the past few days and are MY opinions. I never post to Tumblr, but my level of emotional unhinged-ness right now needs an outlet so that I can process everything and feel, well, less unhinged.

I have never been this enamored with any celebrity or promo for a show like I have for this season of Bridgerton. Admittedly, I am a fan of the books and Penelope & Colin are my favorite couple. I’m going to age myself by saying that I read the series almost 20-ish years ago; past me could have never imagined I would actually get to see a Regency romance on my screen. Romances are for the girlies, and what the girlies like tends to be mocked, ridiculed, and not taken seriously - I’ve seen this time and time again across many different fandoms. I also really enjoy the tv series for being its own creative adaptation. I’ve liked many (though not all) of the changes they’ve made to the show; and I’ve liked all the little nods to the books that have been sprinkled in. Are the books or show perfect? Of course not, but that doesn’t mean I can’t love them for bringing me some entertainment and joy and escapism. I think that’s the beauty of it, I get to have the best of both worlds, so to speak. And for me personally, it’s been so fun to watch the press coverage over the past six or so months. As a fandom, I think we’ve been EXTREMELY well fed. 

Having Nicola and Luke as the leads has been a true blessing; I think/hope folks can tell how much they clearly love and understand their characters/roles. I know everyone has been talking nonstop about their chemistry and their close friendship, which I think is beautiful, truly unique and special. How can you not enjoy watching two people, who seem to genuinely like one other, talk endlessly about a project that they love and have poured so much into? And the way they have supported one another, not only during promo, but during their years of friendship? Astonishing, really. So while I am old enough to know better than to ship real people, I would’t blame anyone (myself included) if they got caught up in the whirlwind excitement and couldn’t help but wonder a sincere “What if?” (At least that was the case for me.) Isn’t that the beauty of hope and possibility and potential? Like, I knew rationally and intellectually that the likelihood of them being together was low, but damn if I didn’t feel giddy seeing their interviews, reading articles, and watching video after video.

“Oh, but it’s all PR!” they cry. Maybe, but like most of life, I don’t think it’s so simple or clear. I think there’s been a lot of nuance and perhaps some blurring of the lines during this promo tour. As long as we are respectful about it and realize that at the end of the day, the only opinions that matter in regards to their relationship are N & L’s, I don’t think some lighthearted dreaming is unheard of. We have to remember, though, that what we’re shown is only a fraction of their true selves, carefully and deliberately curated to accommodate their status as actors/celebrities/those in the public eye. 

(And yes, I know this is the internet and therefore everyone has an opinion - again, myself included. But I struggle to understand why some people think that their opinions should be deemed THE most important to the discussion or would have an impact on any type of outcome, especially in this particular scenario… I hope it’s obvious I’m referring to the very vocal people that chose to expend their energy in hateful, negative ways. Aren’t you exhausted?

However, as a longtime lurker, I have to admit it’s been absolutely fascinating reading all the different perspectives and takes on this too. I think reading other POVs and seeing people articulate points that challenge me and make me think is a good thing - again, as long as it’s all in a respectful manner. 

Also I have spent literal years curating and cultivating a social media bubble that doesn’t make me want to cry or give up on life. I don’t seek out negativity and hate - constructive criticism for a thing is a different matter. It may be “putting blinders up,” but honestly, real life can be a shitty enough place that I would like to spend my limited time online looking at cute things and learning or reading about stuff that makes me feel less alone in the world.)

Last week, I stayed off social media to avoid Bridgerton spoilers until I could watch Part 2. I did open Twitter on Thursday to check on something that was entirely unrelated, saw the absolute meltdown of a shitstorm brewing and quickly NOPED out of it. (I was also reminded of why Twitter scares me at times. And I'm not calling it X because that is stupid.) When I finally caught up over the weekend (both with Bridgerton and… all the other stuff 😅), I felt like I was experiencing mental and emotional whiplash.

Look, ultimately, I don’t know them personally and know even less about their private lives. As an outside observer (even though, yes, I have a vested interest in them), Nicola is fucking amazing and Luke seems to be a nice, sweet guy. I think they are each others support, and it has been mentioned many times that she has helped him deal with the intensity/anxiety of being in the spotlight this season. So here are some potentially hot takes: I just think, when they’re together, it’s like he’s a different, better person. When he soaks up even a little bit of her light (sorry, I had to), I can see all the qualities in him that she is constantly gushing about. But, and again this is my take on it, I also think he has a lot of growing up to do. I don’t know much about his supposed “hot/fuck boy summer,” but it seems to me that he’s perhaps going through his own Colin phase, which he can totally do. I genuinely want to see him and Nic succeed. However, I do think he’s got to get a better handling on his media image now (this whole thing reeks of a PR nightmare, but I need to take off my comms professional hat). The way this has all played out has been, imo, a clusterfuck. There are other issues that I’m also not going to get into at the moment. 

The thing that frustrated me the most is the timing of those “leaked” photos. You’re telling me that N&L went through SIX months of a - literal - worldwide promo tour, building up hype, doing countless interviews and appearances, etc., only to have these pap pictures “captured” on the night of the Pt. 2 London premiere??? And yes, while I’m aware there were rumblings of a gf being at various events/locations, I didn’t pay much attention to it (read: my curated social media bubble, lol). And I think the lack of confirmation up to that point from Luke and his team just mades things even more tricky/messy. So when the inevitable backlash played out online, piled on top of the hate Polin seems to get from many corners of the internet (Is it ship wars? Regular trolls just trolling? Polin and/or Lukola antis? People who, for whatever reason, don’t like the actors themselves or, worse, don’t like the creative choices/decisions made by the higher-ups and therefore deem it okay to spread hate online? All of the above, most likely.), I know I felt like I had been hit by a train.

Here’s my point: I think what should have been a moment of triumph and a joyous occasion for Nic, Luke, and Bridgerton season 3, was sadly overshadowed by the aforementioned shitstorm. And that’s a damn shame. Too many cast and crew put in a lot of time, effort, and blood sweat and tears, to pull this all together. I was happy with Season 3, which perhaps I will deep dive about in another post because this one has already spiraled out of control. Were there things I wished they had included or, rather, things that could have been left out? Yes, of course. But at the end of the day, I think we got a beautiful story led by two actors who love Polin as much as we do. And I cannot wait to see them back for Season 4. Plus, seriously, those viewing numbers alone should have been mostly what people are talking about. I hope all this doesn’t take away from the overall impact of the show and season.

I think it’s okay to be disappointed by all the stuff that has come out over the last few days. I think it’s perfectly human to want/need to process your thoughts and emotions. What is NOT OKAY is sending hate to anyone, period. And I hope you don’t let all that has happened sour your enjoyment of Season 3 and/or Polin.

Lastly, if you take anything away from this long ass post, it’s that Nicola is a GODDAMN QUEEN. Anyone who says otherwise is speaking slander and we do not stand for that in this house. She has carried herself during this time with grace, charm, and poise, consistently and constantly. And she is always ready for a mega fashion moment. She must be exhausted - already on to her next film/job but also perpetually online, and even stepping up to defend her costar. I may have to do a whole separate post just gushing about her and add to all the people already singing her praises. (And as a big fuck you to all the haters.)

Geez Louise, I clearly have a lot of feelings (more than I allowed myself to believe I did…). But I would love to hear what others think! Please, I need friends with whom I can have rational (okay, maybe slightly unhinged), spirited, deep analyses and discussion of this whole thing, or anything else we might have in common!

[lilacsareinbloomagain]

Yandere time and hyrule headcannons

I'm not sure if you've seen the hype around sky being in his undershirt and being ✨pretty✨ in the recent update, but could I please request reader fawning over Yan!sky in his undershirt or some general hc's for him?

Thank you both for requesting!

Notes: I wasn't that online on tumblr around that time, so I only saw it now lmao.

Anyway, I did both headcannons and a oneshot, hope you'll like it!

Also, yes, I merged those two requests since headcannons can be piled into the same post.

I'll probably sound redundant in a lot of these, simply because I didn't write this at one go and when I got to it again I may have forgotten that I wrote it before. My memory is not the best, forgive me.

There are more headcannons for Time because he's my favorite, sorry.

I need a master list, seriously.

Edited before sleeping, I'm sleepy and probably messed up one or two paragraphs of this.

The oneshot in question.

TWs: Yanderism, Mentions of food and bad eating habits and a little of my fairy/fae brain rot.

Don't mind grammatical errors, please!

Headcannons for yandere Sky, Time and Hyrule.

Yandere! Lu! Sky x Reader

For starters, Sky is sweet, but he is very manipulative.

Therefore, don't be surprised if you notice you stopped doing many of the things you used to do when you first got through the portal.

Most of the time it's not even bad things!

He might team up with Hyrule and Wild to take care of your main health, like eating habits. If you're a picky eater then expect Sky to slowly transition you into eating a little bit of everything, in no time you'll be eating like Wild does.

Then again, he'll also make sure to get the ingredients to the foods you do eat without struggling, also getting Wild to make a separate meal for you, should you not eat that one specific recipe Wild made for dinner.

You'll probably be getting help from him when it comes to self-care habits as well, like, the max of skin care and hair care you can get at Hyrule. He will make the effort to talk to people who know more about your skin and hair type, those who have it and take care of it well.

But, we can't ignore the genuinely bad things he will try to influence you into doing...

Privacy? Gone.

Not only will he be around you most if not all of the time, but he will also always be paying close attention to you and what you're doing.

So if you believed keeping a journal in your language would help you keep some things to yourself, then think again. The privacy of using your language instead of hyrulean to write in your jornal will soon turn into a mere illusion. Despite being more quiet and seemingly the less imposing of the Links, Sky has already gone, and will keep going through lengths for you, which includes learning the language you use.

Of course he noticed you kept a private journal, and despite you trying to lie about the contents of it, it's only a matter of time until he is skillfully scanning through the pages with his eyes like he's reading his favorite book. Memorizing any and all information he can find about you.

As manipulative as he is, he is also delusional, he doesn't have any idea of what he is doing, he simply doesn't know that what he is doing is wrong on so many levels.

He's not doing anything on purpose, he's just trying to protect you and get you to like him, like a normal guy!! At least, Zelda liked it when he did this with her back then, just how different are you two?

Genuinely, Sky would have a hard time figuring you and your emotions out. You're a human being after all, and he respects that those things are not supposed to be easy to figure out. In fact, he highly respects and appreciates that you're complex.

Not that he'll respect boundaries, nope, no way.

You're a puzzle he's very much looking forward to figuring out. Honestly, the only puzzle he'd ever want to figure out.

So, I'll probably elaborate this later, but the chain as Gods. Sky would be very much a Thor. That means silly blonde lightening man.

Imagine hylians from Sky's era used matching earrings alike engagement rings, like, Sky just randomly inviting you to an overly nice picnic, just to hand you blue earings just like his.

And if you don't have your ears pierced anywhere it'd be even better in his eyes, since he'd just adjust it to be a "normal" ring.

It was actually an engagement ring, but you didn't know that, or any of the other Links, really, since this tradicional custom got lost in time.

Yandere! Lu! Time x Reader

I think pretty much everyone knows Time is a teasing bastard.

Don't get me wrong, he can be pretty mature, but trust me, it's not really common for him to act like that.

Time is used to pretending, he used many different masks to become different races in his journey, that was needed from him at the time, the same way that being the mature one is being needed from him right now.

Just because he is deeply traumatized emotionally and physically from his job as a hero doesn't mean his personality is lost as well.

It didn't change that much since he was a child, not really.

He is addicted to making you flustered, so if you get flustered easily I'm sorry for you.

If making you blush is a challenge then I'm just as sorry for you, because Time isn't quite known for giving up easily.

And he's good at making people embarrassed, too.

The amount of women who were in love with him is everything I need as proof.

But the worst part? He doesn't have bad pick up lines.

Look, Time is a toucher, so yes, his love language is physical touch, that makes sense to me.

That doesn't mean only cuddling, of course, it can mean cuddling and hugging when you're alone, but do expect a few more things.

I was gonna say hand holding in public, especially in crowded places, but you know what? Guiding you by holding the back of your neck is simply easier to him, and a lot more obvious "back off!" to strangers who look at you for far too long.

Also, randomly leaning against you, the two of you may be just walking and suddenly you feel a large mass lightly leaning against your own body, almost making you stumble. you might just be standing in front of the dinner table, reading a recipe book and once again you just feel that familiar presence right behind you, but instead of hugging you from behind he's just there, like he is reading the book along with you.

Remember how you were reading that one recipe book? Well he might give it a try and help you make something in the kitchen just to spend time with you. Like, you're just pouring ingredients in a bowl and he's there "helping" you by wrapping his arm around your waist to give you "emotional support", as he calls it.

He is, in reality, just standing there watching you cook, trying his best to resist the urge to distract you and simply annoy you, because he is still trying to make it seem like he is a mature, grown man, and definitely not one who is eyeing the flour in his reach and thinking about launching a handful of it at you.

You did see his hand slowly reaching for the flour in the corner of your vision. He only stopped once you threatened to scoop out his remaining eye should even a speck of flour hit your face.

Yet, Time is a creative man, flour was only one of his plans.

He's got wandering hands and wandering lips. And he can and will make use of those just to distract you.

And that's how Time became banned from the kitchen when you were the one cooking, only being able to join you for cleaning later.

So yeah, his love language is physical touch, but it is also disturbance.

In that matter, he's not very different from Wind when you two are alone. If you ignore his flirtatious moves, that is. But he's quite different when you two are with the others, especially if you've done, or is doing something to annoy him, then he has to keep up that mature facade of his.

He believes the others won't take him seriously should he reveal his actual personality, so really, when you're around others you'll only get glimpses of it from time to time.

It is mandatory from the Links to be stubborn, but Time takes the cake.

Maybe it is his age, but he will never change his mind, ever. No point in arguing.

So when he is silly, he is silly, but when he is serious he is terrifying, no exaggeration.

The worst part is that older people have a lot of respect in Hyrule, so no matter what he says, his word is law.

Now, don't get me wrong, by now, pet names are just a thing Time always does with you, in a way you barely hear your own name coming from his lips unless he's being really serious about something.

But actual words of affirmation? Not his thing.

He'd much rather be as clingy as glue to you when you're alone.

But, not like Sky's soft, light cuddles. Time Will basically smother you.

Seriously, it may be his sheer muscle mass, but he'll drap himself over you in a way you'll feel yourself surrounded by him.

In fact, the first time he did it you probably almost suffocated.

You'll get used to it eventually, though. Hopefully.

He's pontual and very strict as well, he and Hyrule are probably gonna be bickering in most matters involving you, like, for example, "five more minutes" naps.

Don't even try to trick him, you'll hear stuff like "I was your age once" and shit, the man will act like he's a hundred years old or something.

Then again, he might be, after all, he is older in mind than he is in body.

He was forced to mature quicker and went through a lot of trauma, that, and he also had to go back in time a lot of times.

Now that I think about it, he probably lived for longer than your grandparents. Just saying.

Yandere! Lu! Hyrule x Reader

Don't get him wrong, Hyrule is very much full of love, really. He cares about everyone equally.

Yet, as corny as that is, your name isn't "everyone", you're not anyone, you're you, how could he even think about possibly treating you the same way as he treats everyone else?

You're put on a pedestal, everyone else is treated equally by him, except you, you are treated like you are divine and not mortal like he is.

So you'll feel like a toddler 24/7 around Hyrule, he is not as stubborn as Time, he's just… Persistent.

The other Links will find themselves teasing him for it a lot, even if deep inside they are just the same.

Play nice, walk on the line and you'll have a Hyrule at your beck and call. If you know how to do it right, you will be able to use his babying to your own benefit, because trust me, his persistence can work on the Links much more than yours, after all, they trust him for being another Link.

I feel like he'd also help you keep pets, it may be his fairy nature, but he is just good with animals, especially with forest animals. Be them small or big.

Although he definitely has a soft spot for smaller pets, even more if you're the one asking him to bring along a pet you found.

Surprisingly or not, Hyrule is probably one of the most protective Links if you happen to lean more towards the naive/vulnerable side of the spectrum.

It's a general fairy headcannon of mine, but since fairies take care of forest and the animals there, specially the smaller or more vulnerable types of animals, then it's not new for them to be also quite protective towards humans close to them.

Bonus points if they have those traits.

But then again, you're Hyrule's darling, you may be as strong and independent as a Link yourself, but he'll still see you as in need of his care and attention at all times.

That also may or may not be another reason why Hyrule treats you like a toddler.

So yeah, coddling. Lots of it.

Hyrule is also a fan of small things, trinkets. Natural or shiny... Precious or useless... In his eyes all are treasures.

Treasures you'll find your bags and pockets full of.

He is absolutely a rock, cristal guy.

Imagine, you're just walking to another village, and suddenly Hyrule stops walking for a few moments, just to speed walk towards you again just a bit later, cleaning something he is holding in his hands with the help of his sleeve.

Then he hands you a small, clear rock, grinning.

Better get used to this, it's probably gonna happen at least once every day.

So yeah, love language is gift giving and acts of service.

I feel like he's very awkward with words of affirmation, he didn't spend a lot of time saying or hearing those, after all. Like most of the Links.

[rainbowgod666]

Wizardposting blogs and my view of them, OR:

My ass out here cataloguing wizards like they're pokemon 💀 i ran out of things to do fr 💀💀💀

@official-megumin: dutch (EDIT. SHE ISNT. I WRONGLY REMEMBERER A POST OF HERS. I KNOW HER ASS IS LIVING [OR FROM] NORTH EUROPE THO) megumin that still has the "only knows one spell and its the stupidest and hardest to unlock and use. Balancing the Meta my ass" problem. In a relationship with @a-sentient-cup

@autism--wizard: just a lil neurodivergent guy that likes spooders. Not much of it really. Possibly strong enough to defeat spiders georg

@the-adhd-sorcerer: moot :) also more powerful than they let on, but its like DBXV2: starter gear and GODLY stats

@mossy--wizard: moss-fueled neurodivergent boi with lots of moss. Yes their blog feels like a wet forest in the sunlight, drying up after a long rain. Not really interacted with them tho...

@wizard-council-bureaucrat: basically the MC of tumblr wizardposting. If they say something its either wizard law or just a suggestion. Probably the only wizard here that ISNT "surprisingly powerful even though their learning was less than advanced"

@wizard-intern: the blorbo.

@the-gnomish-bastard: ok i get that theyre basically pilaf from dragonball, but A: the stew arcanum is REAL bur the 24 gods thing either sounds like bullshit or he made a stew out of 24 REALLY HUBRIS-FILLED PEOPLE (which would explain his "holy fucking shit how are you even capable of HAVING A STRUCTURE WITH THE FUNCTION OF A BRAIN"), B: he was the dude that came up with the whole "floating wizard island thing" (which has so many holes like wtf put it back down) and C: im pretty sure they have been corrupted by some kind of mushroom deity, which would explain the fact that when calling him "stupid" its like SCP-682 saying that humans are disgusting. Because there literally isnt a stronger word in the human language. How in the fuck does someone have so little intellect we have to do like the jewish population of europe after 1945 when they came up with the word "shoah" to describe what happened to them. To the user running that blog. GET SOME PSYCHIATRIC HELP ASAP. Holy shit.

@not-a-suspicious-wizard: "I aM vErY tRuStWoRtHy" dude everyone knows you wanna do some weird "subjugate reality" bullshit. How about you start making drafts and NOT murdering opponents? Seriously dude if you wanna be in charge as long as you dont try weird "consolidating power like its the 1940s" shit its alright. Maybe take some craftmanship things as a hobby! Make your own throne! Come up with something to do when you are too tired to do Dominant King Bullshit! Play modded minecraft/terraria! Make origami! If youre gonna blanket the world in darkness, at least make it look cool and welcoming instead of "inevitable rebel uprising lol have fun with Prophetic Children lmao" :3

@incompetent-wizard: are you SURE youre incompetent? Chances are, you're just unlucky 😊

[bambi-kinos]

After reading your view on John's treatment of Paul, I have to ask if you also have thougts on what happend between George and Paul during and after post Beatles. We know how they both treated him as the younger brother and how he tought they were to busy being John and Paul so they failed to see him though other artist saw him etc. We can also understand how he back away from John and Yoko. But what was his problems with Paul? Paul played on more George-Beatle songs than John did and George even played on John's solo record but said he would never play in a band with Paul again. Because there still seem to that he had another issue with Paul and there still seem to be tensions between them during the Anthology. Did Paul really deserved to be treated like that by both John and George. George went on a lot about his faith and spiritual seaching but not really lived up to it all the time. He played a lot about how unhappy he was in the Beatles and being famous buthe lived large with his cars and big house etc. I'm not defending Paul, well I do, but they both treated him so badly. Why, do you have any more ideas about that. Or what other artists, like ex Wings members etc who also complained about Paul's ways. I only ever see it as jealousy.

Legit had no idea how to answer this as George's dynamic with the rest of the band is opaque to me. I put the question to the McLennon server and they provided some very good answers, they have given me permission to copypaste it all here. I hope this helps Anon.

Note: I let the others talk and then I used Discord's "reply" function liberally to @ the different paragraphs. For tumblr I have rearranged the posts so that they read in order as full conversations instead of the weird mishmash that Discord produces. When you see weird timestamps, that is why.

***

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 11:00 AM received an interesting ask from an anon, its very long so i'm just copy pasting

ask

What do we think of this? my take is basically that George resented Paul because he replaced George with John and their relationship never recovered, which snowballed into these bigger issues about George's contributions to the Beatles and his growth as an artist.

I think it was amoralto who pointed out that Paul was safer for George to attack because Paul would forgive him whereas with John that wasn't the case. and yet George was able to cut John off later so what gives?

LocalGoblin — Yesterday at 1:43 PM I think there's a lot to this dynamic that we're not privvy too. What we do know, however, are things like how during the white album sessions, Paul was constantly undermining George's suggestions. I think it was George Martin who said that. We can even see it a bit in Get Back.

On top of that, even to this day, Paul calls George his little brother in interviews. He has always viewed George as the little kid of the group and that would feel incredibly patronising and demoralising. Paul is a lot more wired that John, and I think that personality trait is just something that George stuggles with. John is the 'cool/fun parent'.

I know John also viewed George as the little kid. And I think this hurt George less because 1. John WAS that older kid/parental figure for so long. 2. You can't take what John was as seriously because he changes his mind day-to-day. 3. I think George honestly (probably) secretly respected Paul's opinion more. So Paul's remarks hurt more.

John = The deadbeat Disney dad. Paul = The more serious and caring/overbearing parent You can see how he would grow to resent Paul more. And I think he also blamed Paul for the breakup too. Or at least, how messy all of that was and all the horrible legal issues that came with it

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 2:06 PM this one hurts. oof. when I read about the break up in excerpts I get the feeling that George thought Paul's problem was the money and the business decisions and he didn't consider (or didn't want to consider) what was driving it emotionally….after all he felt like Paul didn't consider his feelings 😬

LocalGoblin — Yesterday at 1:52 PM Anthology is interesting though. I really think George's attitude in that it partly because he needed to do it. He needed the money. I don't think he really wanted to do it. It was Paul's baby, and he also resented him for that. Hated Paul for being more comfortable financially too. Paul didn't need to do anthology. George did.

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 1:53 PM genius, you're absolutely right

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 2:08 PM this was also around the time that Paul's sweet new deal with Capitol became a thing, i think, because Capitol offered like a significant profit increase for Paul on Beatles royalties if he signed his next few solo albums with them. That caused a lot of upset with George and Ringo iirc, so damn :(

LocalGoblin — Yesterday at 1:55 PM (Also, Paul in a few interviews, has said that he was on good terms with John when he died - UNLIKE George. Almost rubbing it in George's face. I know he doesn't mean it. But I would be incredibly upset by that in George's position. To be constantly reminded of that.)

I think its funny that Paul is viewed as the PR savvy Beatles cause he puts his foot in his mouth all the time haha That actually might be why he's more reserved in interviews now. Sticking to a script… Who knows!

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 2:19 PM Ha, god, probably. Paul has his moments, there's a good 80s interview where he bemoaned Frank Sinatra attributing a George song to maccalennon, but he doesn't seem to have been humbled until the Heather Mills circus.

vanessaaa0388 — Yesterday at 1:57 PM In one of the AKOM podcasts they mentioned a George quote about how he was the closest beatle to John back when it was only them 2 taking LSD… it's my personal theory than in those months he almost felt like he was finally taking over Paul's spot in John's life…I dunno, I get very competitive vibes from George. In his mind he was competing for John with Paul. At least in certain points. And I think John took advantage of that.

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 2:20 PM Absolutely. Reminds me of, ha, Paul when he said that John was their personal Elvis. They all wanted his attention and approval. I also wonder if George was seeking a mentor somewhere and if he thought John was it since they dropped together.

vanessaaa0388 — Yesterday at 2:01 PM It's very complex, the Paul-George dynamic

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 2:02 PM Paul is the one who's always looking for a "project" and can't turn off, being with him must have been exhausting and then you add being talked down to all the time. whereas John can be fun and turn himself off and then maybe the sting of being talked down to isn't so bad. And like we saw in Get Back when John said "we need George Harrison" because he realized George was looking for reassurance, so he could also build George up when he felt like he should.

I guess with John its more like "lots of fun with a few pointed barbs thrown in" whereas with Paul he's steamrollering you constantly and will only occasionally throw in a compliment.

maybe since Paul is more consistent, it meant more to earn his respect? or something like that, like Vanessa pointed out George was competitive for John's approval and attention.

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 2:12 PM there's this consistent theme with George and Paul where Paul's closeness with John seems to really hurt and damage George. And its not like he could let it go easily either because Paul was also his teammate, not just John's. It was a quad act, not a double.

I think George said that being outside Lennon/Mccartney meant observing Beatlemania as a fan instead of as a bandmate. So he's getting all the trouble but very few of the benefits. And then there's the royalty issues on top of that.

Like, Paul was George's friend first, but then Paul pulped that friendship pretty much immediately when he saw John and never felt like he should do anything to fix it. And then George gets pulled into Beatlemania and then there's money problems and then Brian died.

Brian was George's big advocate I noticed, setting up a newspaper column in George's name (ghostwritten by someone else) because he wanted George to be his own brand outside the Beatles and maccalennon, so when he died a lot of that probably went down the drain too.

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 2:23 PM George seems to have been very lonely in the Beatles but due to all this:

I know John also viewed George as the little kid. And I think this hurt George less because 1. John WAS that older kid/parental figure for so long. 2. You can't take what John was as seriously because he changes his mind day-to-day. 3. I think George honestly (probably) secretly respected Paul's opinion more. So Paul's remarks hurt more.

I guess it was easier to shift some blame onto Paul. A lot of George's spiritual journey appears to be about wanting to escape like when he sings about wanting to see God but being frustrated at how long it will take him. Its real but it also seems like he was pretty weary of life by his mid20s.

LocalGoblin — Yesterday at 2:40 PM Yeah, you're so right. John was also the other Beatle who was more spiritually inclined. He was the only one besides George who was fully committed to the India trip. (At least for a time.) This was probably something they bonded over too.

There's also that quote… I can't remember what interview it's from. But George was asked what it was like being a Beatle and he says he doesn't really know. He always felt like he was on the outside looking in on Lennon/McCartney. It must've felt like a very lonely place.

vanessaaa0388 — Yesterday at 2:40 PM I'm fascinated by J&P but I give George a lot of credit for putting up with them both for so long. I would've cut them out of my life so fast 😂

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 4:05 PM honestly they ruined George's life in some ways!

[tgandc]

things i’ve learned in 14 years of ed life and need to remind myself every once and awhile: (really it’s been almost 18, but the most severe years were between the ages of 14-28)

1. don’t set a date to lose weight by. you’ll sabotage yourself. instead, set a goal weight, and a plan to meet that goal, and give yourself time to meet it.

2. don’t punish yourself for slipping and eating. you’re human. you need food to survive. you’re starving yourself. you’re going to break your fast one day. or “forget” you’re restricting one day because you saw something that looked sooo damn good and you ate it without even realizing. you’re going to go over your calorie limit once and awhile. you’re going to binge. it’s inevitable.

3. learn how to curb the binges. just cause you start, doesn’t mean it’s too late to stop. if you eat 100 calories, don’t turn it into 1000. you can burn off the extra 100-500cals way easier than 5000.

4. learn your triggers. avoid them.

5. just exercising doesn’t work well. just starving yourself doesn’t work well. you need to restrict AND work out. seriously. the results are in and i just lost 35lbs in 3 months. like my drs MA that weighed me saw the red line and exclamation mark that i’d lost 20% of my body weight in 3 months and she flipped out. my weight loss has slowed a little the last 2-3 weeks and it’s 100% because i stopped exercising as much when school started. i usually walk 3 miles every morning on the track after i drop my son off at daycare. it’s my lifeline. if i don’t walk the track every morning now i get super pissy, shit gets bad, and i either gain weight or plateau. restricting and working out work wayyyy better if you do them together.

6. drink water! i know everyone says this. but everyone says this for a reason. it keeps your tummy full so you eat less food, it helps flush everything out, it helps keep your digestive system running, it helps keep your face clear, it helps keep the headaches down, it helps you lose weight… water is just super good for you and you should drink it. but don’t drink too much. if you dilute your body too much, you can kill yourself. literally. if you drink too much water (e.g. 2-3 gallons in under an hour) you’ll die. so don’t drink that much. but, ya know… a gallon, or a gallon and a half spread out over a day is good.

7. allow yourself a treat every once and awhile. not a binge. not an unhealthy treat. it doesn’t even have to be a food treat. but give in once and awhile. get your nails done, take a fun class, make something, draw something, have an ice cream cone. do give yourself the opportunity to indulge in something. or else you become bitter and resentful.

8. once a week, up your calories by at least 200-500. it’ll kickstart your metabolism and you’ll lose weight faster. just don’t keep up the higher calorie count for more than ONE DAY or you’ll start gaining again. but one of those days every couple weeks is great to avoid a plateau.

9. when your clothes start getting really baggy, buy a smaller size. there’s nothing quite as rewarding as going from a large to a small. i just made the switch a few weeks ago and it’s amazing.

10. feel your b0ne3. rub your hands over your r1b3, your h1pb0n3s, your c0llarb0n3s look at your thigh gap.. get on tumblr, look at th1nsp0, it’ll keep you motivated.

11. take lots of pictures. it’s great to look back and see the progression from fat and gross to being skinny and beautiful 🥰

12. stay safe ♥️

all pics in this post are me ☺️

[imagionationstation]

Hi IS!! I seriously hope you're actually taking a break from Tumblr and social media instead of reading this haha, but I've been a follower for a few months now and couldn't help but send in a little post after seeing your rant. As someone who grew up with 2012 and adores it, and also as someone who respects Rise for what it is, I understand. 2012 is a huge comfort show to me and I've definitely gotten upset when all people do is go out of their way to tell you how horrible the show is without reason. 2012 is by no means perfect!! I am extremely aware of its flaws, but I don't believe that gives anyone permission to go out of their way just to ruin it for you. To target the one criticism that drives me a bit nuts, the "real brothers" thing. Rise has a very valid interpretation of brothers! But as someone with 3 other siblings, it is not sunshine and rainbows all the time. My older siblings would make me cry, we would fight and get hurt and hurt each other all of the time, my younger sibling would tattle on me, etc etc. But we also look out for each other, and have grown out of many of those things since then. I see a lot of my own sibling situations in 2012. Sure, it doesn't get everything right (and can be purposefully exaggerated because it is a cartoon!!), but it isn't wrong either. Everyone has different family experiences, and believing that Rise is the only correct interpretation of siblings would just be a bit narrow minded. I have many, many more points I could make in regards to the sibling ordeal (and other criticisms you mentioned!) but I'll leave it here for now. Overall, just enjoy what you want to enjoy! This goes for everyone. Someone is always going to want to rain on your parade, don't give them the power to do it. It's so much easier and less tiring to spend your time enjoying something you love over dunking on something you hate. :)

Thank you <3

As I mention over here, not really in a place to drop it yet, but I may sometime in the future. Your support is greatly appreciated!

As someone who grew up with 2012 and adores it, and also as someone who respects Rise for what it is, I understand. 2012 is a huge comfort show to me and I've definitely gotten upset when all people do is go out of their way to tell you how horrible the show is without reason.

Exactly! I have nothing against rottmnt. RISE is a great addition to the TMNT fandom. It has its highs and lows like anything else. It didn't deserve the dislike that many fans gave it in the beginning.

So why does 2012 deserve the exact same treatment after its time is over? Why doesn't it deserve the same respect for its diversity?

They experimented with some awesome and iffy things.

Some things worked and others didn't. Why can't we leave it at that?

I try and read the opinions that say "I like this, this, and this, but-" and ignore anything that is pure hate or comes from an account that has never said a single nice thing about the show.

But even then, it's often always the same old list of complaints.

And, like, Donnie is downright awful with his comebacks but sometimes I find myself doing the daily quote thing to the screen when I come across someone who is being supremely unreasonable.

(Not that I'd ever actually say that to anyone. It's my stress vice.

But. I definitely think it. Very hard.)

To target the one criticism that drives me a bit nuts, the "real brothers" thing.

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH BRINGS ME AN UNNAMABLE JOY.

You hit the nail right on the head!!

My family dynamic is so similar to these boys. One of my siblings very seriously told me a few days ago that I am not at all attractive, but a few weeks ago, the same sibling also reassured me that I deserved a love interest so much better than any person the world has handed me. Freakin' Raph impersonator over here.

Literally, I have siblings who interact like Leo and Raph. Constantly trying to be the superior in the relationship and hating when the other bosses them around. But you'd almost never find them apart because they are the other's shoulder to lean on.

I'm not anyone innocent either. I've said lots of things that I didn't mean in the past and I still slip up from time to time. I'm the type of person to be annoyed with a sibling and smack/shove them. My siblings do the exact same! Teasing and mocking and crude words aren't anything crazy. It's just how our fam do family.

I have a sibling who is just as insane and annoying as Mikey, but it's so frustrating because he's either purposefully stirring chaos and then laughing when we get upset, or so innocent and confused when I'm getting mad at him for doing something similar a while later.

We get so tired of it. But it's not his fault. He's untreated ADHD and lives his life to the fullest. What you gonna do? Stifle that? Please.

We get so tired of each other.

But we're always the first to have each others' backs.

Overall, just enjoy what you want to enjoy! This goes for everyone. Someone is always going to want to rain on your parade, don't give them the power to do it. It's so much easier and less tiring to spend your time enjoying something you love over dunking on something you hate. :)

Thank you so much. I always try to remind myself of that, but some days it can be hard. I really appreciate your kind words! I hope anyone reading this is also making note of them.

I don't ever want to be a hater.

Going giddly over the boys being themselves is so much more fun.

[kritischetheologie]

can you explain what you mean when you say nico experiences misogyny?

absolutely! got a little long and earnest below the cut.

first of all, there's the obvious caveat that nico benefits from male privilege (among many others). my and @sionisjaune's joking about him experiencing misogyny, or @vegasgrandprix's famous joke about charles experiencing female-coded microaggressions, is funny partly because it plays on the disparity between that objective privilege and the victimization claim inherent in the statement. these men are doing just fine.

but taking it seriously provides a really helpful illustration of the way that misogyny-- a hatred or seeing as inferior of women, womanhood, and anything associated with them--can also harm men, just like homophobia can harm straight people, etc. (and actually, those two are often happening at the same time, in many cases).

nico has, throughout his life and especially his f1 career, been subject to jokes-- we can debate whether to call them bullying, or harassment, but I think mockery is a safe baseline term--that make fun of his perceived femininity.

you see this most clearly in the "britney" joke, about which I wish I could find the longass explainer post, but which involved things like someone literally stealing his paddock pass and photoshopping a picture of britney spears onto it, max verstappen 5+ years after nico's retirement still calling him "britney" when naming the f1 champions, etc. you see it as well in the brocedes japan 2013 interview, which is full of moments like lewis making fun of nico for how long he takes doing his hair, how emotional he gets, etc. (lewis has grown a lot in the decade-plus since! he's clearly been on his own journey with regard to these topics, something other scholars have written about more eloquently than I ever could.)

jokes like the ones that plagued nico throughout his career serve to police the boundaries of "acceptable" behavior for men, mobilizing negative associations with womanhood-- and in some contexts, though probably not this one, the threat of real violence-- to compel men to behave a certain way. their internal logic is woman = bad, woman = emotional (for example), you = emotional, therefore you = woman = bad. that's misogynistic, at its core.

there has been a longstanding strain of feminist theory, that has been less visible since the rise of the "male tears" pop misandrist stream of tumblr feminism, that insists that misogyny harms men in addition to harming women. and not just because it damages your soul to hold power, or because viewing half the world's population as subhuman cuts you off from essential human connections and community, though it does, and it does. but because a hatred of things associated with women never limits itself to hating those things in women.

[snow-lavender]

now that we're a week out from the finale, i'm feeling settled enough to make my sappy post. TL;DR is: fable has been incredibly important to me, and i think it's a story that's important to have out there. to the community and cast, you've made something beautiful and helped me more than you could know.

so here we go-

i started watching fable in the summer of 2022, to kill time in between summer courses (and thank fuck for that, cause my brain desperately needed to have some fun after 5 hours a day of doing psych stats by hand.) i was originally pulled in by vo'lete, as dissecting a conlang is really fun to me. it became basically the only media i consumed, as 2022/2023 was the fourth year of my BA and i was crazy busy. and then the characters pulled me in further with their earnestness and their devotion to redemption and compassion.

i think one of the theses of fable is "people always deserve happiness. doing awful things doesn't erase your ability to change." and i think the simplicity and love of that take hit really close to home. in the era of modern fandom where bad actors try to make everything black and white, it's an important point to make.

i started making shitposts on tumblr, started enaging with stories from an analysis standpoint again, and found a lot of joy in the community here. i don't have the words for what that means to me, so i'll just default to you guys are great <3

then mid-august happened

those of you who frequent rin's streams might have caught bits and pieces of this, but basically, i had a fall and my knee became royally fucked beyond belief. it can only be fixed with a surgery that's not very common. the pain was (and still is) debilitating to the point that i had to drop out of my second degree, and couldn't walk more than like, a block every few days. my life, my dreams, my future all got put on hold. i was in a new city with no supports, no friends, and no way to leave my apartment. fable went from the only media i consumed to the only thing i did, period.

the fandom became the only people i talked to regularly, other than my family, as online relationships were the only ones possible to maintain. in fableblr and in rin's chat i've found people who i really click with, people whose company i enjoy and who enjoy mine. when i was lying in bed, feeling so alone and less than human, having people on the internet go "i know who you are and you are making an impact," quite frankly, kept me sane. i know i don't talk to people super often, but know that seeing you in my notifs brings me so much joy, and i'd love to talk to you more.

to assuage any worries- i'm doing a bit better now. i've moved back in with my parents so i have human contact and people who can make up for the things i can't do. i have a new doctor who is taking the severity of my condition very seriously and is fighting to get me treated asap. i'll be okay.

so yeah. fable has been super important to me, and will remain so! for me it's a story with so much joy and deep feelings and rediscovery of passions and just. fun. it's been so much fun. and i'm not letting go of that fun any time soon. i'm gonna keep making and watching and enjoying.

to sage, corn, and cob- you guys are great, i cherish every time we get to talk. i hope that it's okay that i count you among my friends

to my other mutuals and people who are here frequently- recognizing you in my notes is such a joy and i hope to get to know you better. y'all are cool and i'm glad you think i'm funny

to rin- thank you for nurturing your little community and creating a space where i have so much fun. also thank you for putting up with my constant setting off of automod

to beck- thank you for making a story that explores sisterhood in all its ugliness and beauty, that shows how even families full of love can fuck up, that holds space for loneliness and loss and joy and fear and new beginnings

to the rest of the cast- thank you for making a story with so many varied and yet connected points, characters and world. with so much love in it. you've truly done something special here and its impact will not be forgotten

to all of you- thank you for knowing my name. thank you for breathing life and joy into these stories. i can't wait to see what else we make. <3

[doverstar]

in more or less words, lost and rewritten has kept me alive for the past 1 week since i finished it. it is perhaps the best fanfiction i have ever read. i read at work on my break, at home until 1 in the morning, and i am begging you, please from one person to another ... post the sequel. pls? i cannot articulate in enough words how much that would keep me going <3 i'm desperate

Hi there, sweet person! Thank you so much for sharing that with me, that's a very big deal. If you mean this literally and not metaphorically or figuratively, I can say first of all that this is very humbling and surprising to me, that something like my lil Doctor Who fanfic can give you so much motivation to keep going on hard days. I'm so thrilled you enjoyed it, and I'm absolutely flattered that you think it's the best! Secondly, if you do mean it literally and you have been struggling with thoughts of ending things, I want to take that very seriously. I would urge you, like you said, from one person to another, to find hope not in something material like a story you have loved (mine or otherwise!) but to find hope in something immaterial, something that lasts. Good stories are so great because they mimic truth, and beauty, and goodness, and those qualities are found infallibly in proper hope: Jesus Christ. I'm telling you this from personal experience, because that's where I find my hope on days when I want to quit. I would absolutely love to talk to you more about what I mean if you feel up to DM-ing me. Or if you don't have a Tumblr, I'm also on X (Twitter) as well as Discord; just shoot me another anonymous Ask and I can link you so we can talk more! I am happy to listen and just talk through things with you as well, if you need. And of course, I would also urge you to seek professional help because day-by-day I know that that, in the right circumstances, can also benefit some people in dark times, though I do believe that other human beings who also struggle can only do so much. Like I mentioned, I 100% believe there is only real lasting hope and the strength to live life (especially nowadays when everything is so dark) in a relationship with Jesus. I don't know what you believe, but like I said, I'm so down to talk about it with you if you want. You seem to need hope, and how could I not share it if I have it? Thirdly, very kind Anon, I do have about 80% of LAR's sequel written (needs fine-tuning!) just for myself, and I am more than happy to send you some of it if there's a way we can do that somehow? Again, send me another Ask if you don't have an account, so we can coordinate together on how to get it to you! Email, Google Drive, something. I have no problem seizing the opportunity to make your day a little cheerier with my writing if I can. Thank you again for sharing this with me; it was so intentional and thoughtful of you! It means a lot that you took the time to tell me how you're feeling and how you enjoyed my work. <3 Please don't hesitate to reach out again, any time.

[bri-does-art]

i know this probably won’t do much, let alone anything at all, but i’m sorry for the stress this site has caused you and so many other creators here. i’m not asking for you to stick around on here, but i hope you know just how meaningful you and your art have been on here. you’re amazing. /pos

Hey, this ask has done a lot more than you would think. Thank you, you are very sweet. <3

I've kind of made up my mind about what I'm gonna do for a while now, but I've simply been... too busy and overwhelmed to take the time to let you guys know. I'm not going to delete my tumblr, there's just. Too much here that I don't want to lose.

So far the game plan is: keep my tumblr. But do not upload anymore art or writing on it - not because it's gonna get scraped, because it was already getting scraped anyway, AI company deal or not. It's pretty much unavoidable at this point, unfortunately. I simply do not trust Tumblr with my data, if they're going to sell EVERYTHING, including private messages and such, so I'm not going to give it anything worthwhile to profit off of. Instead, I'm going to start uploading my art exclusively on Ao3, for now. I'll answer any asks I receive here on there too, as well. I'll figure some kind of system out. 🤔

The cool thing about uploading to Ao3 is that anyone subscribed to my profile or to the containment series I will make will get a notification anytime I upload something new. Having my art and writing in one place is likely going to be more convenient for you guys too, since you won't have to move across platforms to get the full experience. 😄It'll be different... but a platform getting too greedy for its own good won't stop me from finding ways to share my stories with y'all. I'll just find another solution.

(I've also been entertaining the idea of joining or making my own Discord server but. That one is a little more delicate. The idea of joining a server that has hundreds of members like a lot of this fandom's servers have, just. Makes me break into hives, lmao. (I am in the Ghost in the Machine fic server. I muted it an hour into joining, it was way too intense for me. |'D) That is way too many people, I simply cannot handle it. I'd be way more comfortable in a smaller group with a less rapid-fire rate of posting and conversation. I am also. Very picky about which servers I join, which makes asking for recommendations doubly awkward when I shoot them all down, haha... And making my own... Err, I can hardly keep up with a server I helped create for another fandom and mod for, I don't think I could handle two of them - I would need other people to handle the moderation for me, and I wouldn't trust just anyone to be a mod. I'd need to know them well enough to know I could trust them, and I... do not really know anyone in this fandom well enough to do that, sadly. I take server moderation very seriously, as someone who has had experience modding for forums back before social media was a thing. I do not know if that would make for a fun experience for everyone, and anyone who hasn't known that kind of supervised experience. It is comforting to me. It may be intimidating for others. So that's still a very hand-wavy, 'eehhhh' kind of thing still.)

All of this to say, that this isn't the last you'll see from me, far from it. I'll restrict my creative output to Ao3 for the foreseeable future, and I'll let you guys on here know when I make a new upload, so those of you who do not have an Ao3 account know when something new has happened.

So there you have it. 😊

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Alright. My most recent foray into the Izzy drama has revealed to me that there is a problem in the Izzy stan community, and I love helping the less fortunate so I'm going to give the people a little crash course in how to use tumblr. Me and many of my mutuals have done some or all of the things that I'm about to show you in the interest of a more enjoyable tumblr experience. This is directed at a specific tumblr community but is universally helpful so if it breaks containment I am sorry.

We're gonna start off with the basics here. Blocking people. If you see a post you don't like. If you think a take is horrible. A person is just giving you bad vibes? HIT DA BRICKS my friends. You can never see another post from this person by clicking on their blog, clicking on the elipses, and hitting that block button. Thank you to my beloved mutual @ourflagmeansgayrights for letting me use your blog to display what I'm talking about.

I understand that some people might feel bad about blocking someone. You shouldn't tho. The person might find out and get a little salty, but you don't know them and they can't do anything about it so who cares? I personally have over 40 blogs blocked and honestly I should have more.

Next, onto something a little more challenging. filtered content. You're gonna want to go to your settings. here's a picture with the directions to the settings menu helpfully highlighted.

When you click on the settings it'll take you to a page like this

I have already scrolled down a bit. You can scroll down until you see the portions that I have ever so helpfully highlighted. You're gonna want to click the little pen icon on the far right. When you do it should look like this.

You're gonna want to type exactly what I've typed into that box, and then you're gonna want to hit that Add button. When you do it will appear at the bottom of your filtered tags list like this.

Congradulations. You don't have to look at another post that's mean to Izzy. I know I sometimes tag posts that are not that mean to Izzy as izzy critical because I know you guys will hate it and I want to spare you, so please. It's for your own good. and it takes about 20 seconds.

Finally, turning off anons. I've seen a lot of you complain about anon death threats. I get those too. I just delete them when they come in my ask box because I don't actually take them that seriously but if they're bothering you there is a way to get rid of them for good, and you are already half way there if you're in the settings menu blocking the Izzy critical tag.

On the side of the settings menu theres a little list of all your blogs. You're gonna want to select the one you don't want to get anons in. You have to do it separately for each blog but it's pretty easy.

It's gonna take you to a page where you can edit your blog. You want to scroll down until you see this

And then you just want to smack that second button. You can even smack the first if you don't want to receive questions at all, but if the anons are your problem I'd recommend the second one

Anyway, hope this helps, because literally everyone I know does some or all of these things in order to mitigate online harassment and curate our online experience. Obviously if someone really wants to harass you they're going to. Some of my mutuals with anon turned off have had people make burner accounts to message them. But the great thing about that is, you can just block the burner.

OH! I nearly forgot! There's one more thing you can do. Say you don't want to turn off anon, but you keep getting one really annoying bitch in your inbox and you suspect its the same person twice because of the affect or whatever. Guess what. If you click the three dots next to the message you can block them too!!! I've sent two nasty anons to the shadow realm this way. I would have sent more but unfortunately you cant delete the message after you do this so it leaves a number in your inbox even if it's not there anymore. I prefer to just delete them unless someone is spamming me.

Also if you don't like my tone in this post I'm giving you permission to use the information contained within this post to hit that block button babey. See you never. I'd love to be your first block. I'll pop your block cherry for you baby. It'll be so satisfying.

[sunflwryu]

tldr; i'm probably not going to write on this blog anymore.

i don't want to say that i won't completely because hey, maybe one day i'll feel like it, but this is what i wanted to say because i don't want to leave you all waiting...well, it's likely you've stopped after some due to my inactivity and that's okay and valid!

i became inactive here because i wasn't enjoying writing anymore, nor was i into k-pop that much, especially since i was into it a lot to help me cope with how terrible and lonely my life was and felt, and sometimes it still is. writing became somewhat of a hollow thing for me, and i tried so many times to write my drafts, to get the words out, but i couldn't. i would be taking things out of my control that had to do with my blog and writing to heart, i would get so frustrated and depressed at myself to the point that i put an incredible amount of pressure on myself to write something, anything, and when i didn't, my thoughts would spiral on top of what i already had to deal with irl.

so i left this tumblr behind for the sake of myself, hoping that maybe my passion and love for writing would reignite after a break, but it hasn't, not for this blog, only for the journal entries i wrote to cope with my daily life and mental health. i've never been much of a social media person anyway.

i feel like a completely different person than when i was last here. i'm not into k-pop anymore and i barely know what's going on in terms of news and drama but i'll tune into some songs and the older ones that give me nostalgia from simpler times. i've made friends who genuinely appreciate me and i've gotten better at setting my boundaries when it matters and taking care of myself. i have someone that genuinely likes me and always is there for me and tells me i'm beautiful everyday without fail. my skin has gotten better and less painful these days too.

there's a lot that's happened since my last post a few months ago, but what i can say is my life has improved, although there are things i'm still working on, including my ultimate goal i'm still reaching for of a happiness that isn't so fragile.

i want to focus on that goal now.

that's not to say that this blog doesn't mean that much to me, because it does. it helped me so much back then to cope with what horrible things i was dealing with, to write about a world that's not this one, to help others who maybe felt like me, to free my heart of the ideas i kept suppressed for a long time. it really built that foundation for me to grow as i am now.

so thank you so much for all the likes, all the reblogs, the comments, the moots, the readers, the followers, the anons, everyone who's ever set sights on this little blog of mine.

thank you for sticking with me along the way and helping me to make this blog a place that i'm proud to look back upon, to reread my works again and remember how much fun i had writing them. thank you for liking them and telling me your thoughts, thank you for giving them love because that made me happier amidst what i was going through at the time. i hope i was able to give you all comfort and entertainment through the works i enjoyed to write.

i'll pop in sometimes (no promises on the frequency of that), read some stuff, answer asks, make major update posts, but i don't think i'll be around too much. oh, and don’t worry, my blog will stay up, i’ll never personally take it down unless smthg else interferes. if you've read this far, congratulations! have a heart ♥

but seriously, thank you for everything. — yumi

—

p.s. credits to @argodeon for the banner/image! it's so beautiful!

[tunedtostatic]

Life update (not good)

And asking for help though I don't think anyone I know on Tumblr will be able to help with this, but I am trying to cast a wide net.

After my "there's a good chance things might actually be okay-adjacent soon but I'm scared it won't and hope it will" post I was really hoping I would have a "Things worked out!" update, but unfortunately this. Right now my life is not close to worst it's been (this year and last are still the best years in a long while!) but things have been fucked up.

I don't know how to say "i don't scare easy" without it sounding like country-western braggadocio but but the last few years have included living with creeps, living out of my car, various varyingly obnoxious brushes with death, and this is a more five-alarm fire level than average, even though still hopeful and still better than things are for many people for sure.

My internal project this past month and a half has been working on getting myself to 100% believe that it is 100% possible for me to die, which is not something I /didn't/ before - I wrote a will in 2019, and I had a long conversation with a friend in 2022 about the possibility of dying, obviously it's been on my mind - but i think it's just really hard for human beings (or at least me) to /really/ feel like it's possible to die in whatever dangerous situations we're in because we're just kind of neurologically wired for a certain amount of optimism in the face of death. At least the last few years it's not like there is one specific monster with big teeth chasing me, so it's easy to be like, well, statistically I /probably/ won't die from that or this or the other - like, if [medical stuff, living on the road, violence, hospital-acquired covid if I end up in hospital now that most hospitals aren't taking covid precautions here, &c] together means I have a 3x or 4x or 20x higher risk of dying than the average person in their late 20s, then people in our late twenties still don't die very often so mathematically that's still just multiplying three or four or twenty times /a really low number/ in the first place.

Statistically I will probably live...and neurologically I'm wired to say "I'm gonna make it :)"…but that means that this month and a half (have to do a double take because it's only been a month and a half! somehow!) I've had to make it a little internal project to continuously remind myself that it is 100% possible for me to die and I need to take everything that seriously, accordingly.

So many people, victim services nonprofits, &c over the years have come down so much more on the side of "Look into my eyes. You WILL get through this." than be worried about me, so I'm the one who has to take this on and remind myself it is 100% possible for me to die, so that I can take everything exactly as seriously as it needs to be taken, and also try to kick my own ass into hiding in shitty coping mechanisms less.

I have things SO much better than many people (!!) (which i know is a Thing Everyone Says out of free-floating guilt when they're struggling, but also, it's definitely true in this instance, and i don't want y'all to worry about me disproportionately). Things are bad but I also do know what I'm doing somewhat, after handling crises for so many years, and I also have alotalot of luck, which I am incredibly and unspeakably grateful for.

(Speaking of the positive, a lot of the current situation was kicked off by an especially scary medical scare last month that wrecked a lot of shit, and very luckily, most of the scariest medical stuff has been ruled out! That's one reason to be optimistic! Though I need to then bring it back to "Do /not/ let this let you take your eye off the ball, dude, everything else is still fucked up and it is still possible for you to die so Take This Seriously.")

The thing is, most of the pieces that made me hopeful at the beginning of last month when I was posting here are /still here/ ready to be put together. I had to drop out of my class this semester but I'm still in good standing in the certificate program I started and if I can fix the rest of my life enough I can start another class this summer. I /have/ a not super lucrative but decent and interesting paid side hustle, I have volunteering and helping others I can do, I have writing I can do, as long as I can get things a decent amount of unfucked. I am still jonesing to get on here and give y'all the Good Update.

I've avoided nonprofits and hotlines for the last year and a half, since my last go-round ended up doing more harm than good, but I sucked it up and told myself maybe it would be better this time and it was not, so this week I need to call another, unrelated victim services nonprofit to tell them the nonprofit I contacted last month did [deeply awful stuff] so that I can have a paper trail for /that/ so /that/ doesn't make the original problem worse, which is kind of the opposite of what one is looking for when one calls a nonprofit "for help."

(I don't want to dissuade people from seeking help from support services - I'm having mental images of someone reading this and not getting the help they need because I talked shit about nonprofits - but I guess I /would/ say, I /do/ want people to go in knowing that there are people who will help, and there are people who can't help (which depending on the context might be fair and there is nothing they can do), and there are also people who will demean you or not believe you or promise things they don't deliver. And I could write a post on how to try to stay safe when interfacing with nonprofits that supposedly represent "help" and "safety" and often do not, but sometimes absolutely do, but I am evidently still learning myself, so I will just say come in with backup plans, and if they hurt you it was not your fault.)

I spent my childhood in what I call "the casserole world" - culturally it was normal for friends or family to bring each other a casserole or help with errands when something hard happened and my specific context was functional enough that people would do that kind of thing. So!! Asking for help on here, if anyone has a spouse or friend or uncle who likes helping with logistical things like reading hundreds of dentist office reviews to find dentists who both accept Medicaid and are not evil incarnate or online discount clothing shopping - I don't really expect to find that kind of help here (back at it with the statistics), so in a way it's more that I don't want to cut myself off from the possibility. If 9 out of 10 times "just ask for help :)" isn't actually a thing, that means that you still need to, at least sometimes, cautiously ask the metaphorical tenth time when you find a place where that's not going to hurt someone else and it seems plausible. Like I said, I'm trying to cast a wide net!

(Editing for typoes and to add a Medicaid explanation for those not in the U.S.: Medicaid is free insurance e.g. free healthcare for people who make very little money, and it is free to the patient, but many doctors don't accept Medicaid, and the ones that do tend to be, uh. Bad. Or booked out for months, if they are not bad.)

[pawjamas]

hi ! i’m not coming back or anything yet but i wanted to say i am taking a temporary hiatus from this blog. i’ve been focusing on actual real life real tangible things instead of being glued to social media which has clearly been impacting my mental health in negative ways.

i have been spending time with my wife, and my online best friend since middle school (we’ve been friends since i was around 12 yrs old soo i think we’ve literally been friends for 13 whole years !!! and never met up yet) he’s coming to visit next week and i’m beyond excited !!

i would highly recommend to anyone like me who has unhealthy social media habits to give yourself more time away from it and more time in the fresh air and sunlight and in nature and with real people you can actually see and hear next to you. and creating things with your hands, picking up hobbies that aren’t screen related. it’s already helping a lot for me. it’s a little bit ironic that this blog is primarily nature focused and yet i barely go outside to experience it haha, so both by my own decision and a lot of encouragement from my wife i’m going to keep doing it, those posts that joke about finally leaving tumblr or using it less because you’ve found your beloved are SO real lmao i know they’re mostly being silly but i’ve needed this so badly for so many years.

when i was isolated for more than two decades in my abuser’s household i used social media as an escape, but it no longer serves that purpose for me, and i’ve found, if anything, i need to leave social media and experience the outside world more that i barely got to see when living with my abuser. if you are able to do the same right now, i again highly recommend it, especially if you struggle with mental illness, this has seriously been really good for my mental health.

so in summary i am taking a little bit of a hiatus, however there may be some really, really amazing news i want to share with you all soon, and this hiatus isn’t permanent or anything but when i come back i’m going to limit myself on how long i can use social media for, and keep focusing on the actual life i have now that i am still sometimes taken aback by that i am privileged to have such an overall wonderful one, which i still thought never to be possible.

to the people that still stick around for this blog and all of my mutuals that have been kind abt this hiatus, thank you so much! hope to see you soon, but for now i will be out in the nature i’ve blogged abt for so many years and creating new things, and loving on my wife and friends, goodbye for now! ☀️💛💛

[crippleprophet]

I'm really sorry if this is the wrong place to send this but you're the only person i know who still takes covid seriously. I live with someone who won't get vaccinated or mask as well as several other people who won't take covid precautions for the most part. I've been masking at home around them to be safe, but now my parents (who i have to live with still) have decided that I'm not allowed to wear a mask at home anymore. I don't know how to keep myself and others safe like this, especially since I live in a place where no one else in public will mask either. Legally I can't move out yet (I would love to) but yeah sorry if this is inappropriate I just don't know who to ask or what to do

no need to apologize at all <333 i am so fucking heartbroken that i’m the only connection you have to someone still taking covid seriously, but i’m also incredibly grateful & honored that i can be that for you.

we definitely aren’t the only ones, no matter how much it feels like it - the discord i started recently has 41 members and growing, and that’s just folks who’ve seen my tumblr post. you’re absolutely welcome to join if that’s safe for you, but if your circumstances don’t allow it, please know that there are other people in very similar circumstances to yours, who’ve been masking in their homes and whose right to manage their own risk is being denied.

https://discord.gg/5f5ahBjVax

i don’t want to tell you how to conceptualize your own experiences and relationship with your parents (lord knows i couldn’t apply certain language to my own until i was ready for it, and i believe it’s so crucial to respect your autonomy here when it’s being denied elsewhere) but please know if no one else has told you that that form of control absolutely qualifies as abusive, and it is not, under any circumstances whatsoever, your fault that you are being denied the ability to protect yourself and others.

i’m reminded of a quote about how systems of power, in this case referring to how affordable products are dependent on exploited labor, intentionally force people to break our own moral codes in an effort to break our spirits. again, this is not your fault, and the most important thing to remember right now is that keeping yourself safe includes (unfortunately, ironically, heartbreakingly) keeping yourself safe from & with your parents, which right now may mean not wearing a mask. any infection that may happen as a result is their fault, not yours. it is the fault of every layer of the ableist system that has stoked their resentment of others, not yours.

i usually don’t talk about this, but i left my parents’ house (“ran away from home” rubs me the wrong way but would not be inaccurate) in 2017, a little less than 3 months after turning 18, so i have counted down the days until i was legally my own person, and throughout the duration of the pandemic i’ve thought a lot about the nightmare that would be still living in that house. i can’t fully imagine or understand the grief and fear you’re experiencing, but my heart goes out to you & all others in your situation.

what’s been most instrumental to me in maintaining my personhood in situations where i’ve been denied autonomy has been reading sociological studies, because it helps me understand my circumstances as an outcome of oppression and not a personal failing, and by virtue of others writing about it reminds me i’m not alone. if you’re interested in that sort of thing, i recommend literature my scholars & activists on children’s rights and liberation. the UN is definitely deeply flawed, but i’d point you to the Convention on the Rights of the Child as a starting point because of (at least for me) the impact of so many governments agreeing that this is what should be happening, even if it’s also a massive grief when it isn’t.

my advice when it comes to covid would be to do what you can when you can, especially because it would likely give you some feeling of autonomy, which is so crucial under these kinds of circumstances. simultaneously, you are under no moral obligation to risk your safety with your parents—if their response to finding out you’re masking when you’re out of the house would endanger your physical or mental health, for example, please do not feel pressured to do it. all of my posts about masking, and anyone else’s if they aren’t a piece of shit, are directed at people whose behavior is not being controlled by others upon whom they depend.

to put it super bluntly, you can’t keep anyone else safe in the future if you’re dead. in order to protect others later, you need to protect yourself now, whatever that may look like based on your decisions. you, and others who aren’t being allowed to mask, are among the people everyone else should be masking to protect, and i’m more sorry than i can ever put into words that our society has failed you.

i’m gonna ask a few folks in similar circumstances if they have any advice, and anybody reading feel free to add on, but remember that you’re the authority on your circumstances and you don’t have to make any decisions or follow any advice you think would put you at risk.

so much love to you, and my asks & dms are & will remain open if there’s anything at all i can do.