#tbh i just want to scream into the cold dark night then wrap myself up in a blanket and drink some tea and read a good book

[perseusjackson-jasongrace]

Kingdom Collisions XVII

masterlist; my links

CW: blood, death

Phew, when i first started this fic (way back when in august last year, i think) i didn’t expect it to become a multi-chapter nor did i expect it to go in literally any of the directions it went in. with each new chapter the boys cooked up something different and apparently more and more dark. nonetheless this has been one of the most absolute fun, exciting, and rewarding fics i’ve ever put out there because 1. i just kind of did whatever i liked with it (plot holes be damned) and 2. because the interaction i got from this fic was mind-boggling. Every plot twist brought a gasp, an angst gremlin, and a sweet supporter to my doorstep (i cant name anyone because you all swopped roles continuously). 

when i started writing this chapter tbh i was dreading it because how on earth do i get myself out of the sheer monstrosity that i dug myself into in the last one? but i wrote some words and even though they were all wrong and it was only seven hundred of them at least i had written something you know? but then i was at the beach and the ocean water was shoving itself into my lungs and the salt was stinging my eyes and i literally couldn’t have been happier if i tried and suddenly i just kind of knew what i wanted to write... or rather i knew i wanted to write and these troublesome princes knew how they wanted their story to close. yes, indeed, close. somehow, without me realising it, we kind of got to the last chapter. i truly didn’t think this would be it but with each word i put down it just kept drawing closer and closer to a close. and i can’t force this fic to be anything but what it is. So, my dear ones, this is the last chapter of Kingdom Collisions. thank you for coming along, i hope with all my heart you enjoyed it even a fraction as much as i did. I love these Princes so hard and Nish, Gretch, and A can tell you how sad i was to see them end. Nonetheless, please enjoy!

Since it’s been a hot minute since the previous chapter, here’s a recap:

Prince Jason Grace stumbles from the mouth of the arena and falls to his knees in front of the platform.

“Kill him Perseus.” A voice glimmers around him, leaking in through the ringing in his ears.

“Come home Prince,” That voice lilts, “Do not die so far from the sea.”

Jason looks up at him, blue eyes hazy, a dagger loose in his clasp. “Hello Prince.”

Percy steps down from the platform, and takes the dagger from his husband’s hands. It is almost sickening how easily he gives it over.

The crowd stomps its feet: they are ready for blood; they are ready for slaughter.

He holds the dagger up, making sure it glints in the sun. And then he draws his husband close until there is nothing between their bodies, not space, not even air.

“Let’s go home my love.” He whispers. “We will not die so far from the sea.”

Prince Perseus Jackson brings the blade down.

[image has alt text]

We’ll never get free// lamb to the slaughter// what you gon’ do when there’s blood in the water

Prince Perseus Jackson knows he’s going to die today. It is not a feeling, or a morbid premonition. It is the cold, hard truth. If he does not the world will continue to suffer for it. And what kind of prince would he be if he allowed his people to suffer? His father would say he’d be a coward. His father did not know the meaning of the word until he screamed as a blade sunk into his chest. Percy wonders how a man made from the Rivers themselves, can die by knife. He supposes when you spend long enough pretending to be human, you die like one too.

All the same Percy must take his last breath today, before the setting sun has managed to hide for the night. Before the darkness can wrap around his bones like cigarette smoke, and keep him trapped once more. 

But first, Percy must kill his husband. 

The crowd is violent; their need for bloodshed a hyena’s cackle in his head. He cannot keep them out. He cannot keep them at bay. It drives into his blood, makes every dangerous drop slosh through him, as wild as the rivers of his father. As wild as the blue eyes staring him down.

Perseus Jackson looks at his husband, barely an inch apart, so close it seems no room is left for air. He can’t breathe, so it must have been pushed away, pushed out. Those blue eyes, as striking as the brilliant sky above them, are looking at him with so much… sorrow, love, joy, rage? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know and it terrifies him. He knows and that scares him more. Prince Jason Grace is looking at him with delight and it makes him want to sin.

“I will find you again, my love.” His lips brush the sensitive skin of his ear. He feels that beautiful body shudder underneath him.

The musician’s box echoes with the notes of the wind, a melody that rackets around in his head, bouncing off the walls of his memories. He has died to this tune many times. Died as a king, and a peasant, and a squallor, and a whore, and every form of human scum and royalty alike. They all bleed the same in the end. All die with regrets on their tongue, and the unconquering falsehood of love in their hearts, as if that alone is enough to save them. He has never been safe from death. But love saves him all the same. He wonders if he will die again.

“I will not be lost.” Jason whispers back, so quiet, so full of sweet darkness.

Percy slams the blade into his Jason’s heart and watches as the light from beckoning eyes morphs into a smile that surrenders the world. He doesn’t acknowledge the warmth at his side. There is only his Prince, his husband, his other half, his, his, his. 

“I will be waiting.” Jason Grace grins. Jason Grace dies.

Already he can feel the absence of his other. It is not a dull ache, nor a sharp one. It is not really an ache at all. Rather as if a veil has been placed over him, leeching the world of colour and light. Leeching him of any goodness. What is a destroyer, without his healer?

The Prince of Mare pulls the knife out of his husband’s chest and holds it up to the crowd. His smile dances, violence coating the angles of his face like a liquid mask. The colosseum responds in vigour, chanting his name, chanting the name of Princess Piper Mclean, chanting victory as if they’ve won. Dust begins to settle at his feet, settle then jump as they jump, then settle once more. And endless dance. He knows the score by heart. 

“What you have witnessed today my good people,” The woman in power stands in her box, surveying the scene before her with triumph in her brown, glinting eyes. “Is the beginning of forever, again.”

The people cheer, clap, stomp their feet, make the stone underneath them quiver.

A drop of blood falls to the floor.

“We have completed what our ancestors could not. We have made sure that the threat— ” She sneers at them; at him in his bloodied rags, and the husband still in his arms, limp and fast growing cold. “The threat of Our Downfall may never rise from the ashes.”

The deafening sound of celebration is a vice around his throat. He wants to rip the air from their lungs, make their joy a noose around their necks. They celebrate the loss of a life as if it were the birth of a thousand more; they celebrate the death of his husband as if they had won the war. But they have never seen war. And his past selves, rushing up to him in these moments, like reeling pictures, smile at the prospect. They seem to gather in his mind, grinning with endless terror and say, so very softly, “You think this is war? We’ve only just begun.”

We’ll never get free// lamb to the slaughter// what you gon’ do when there’s blood in the water

“My people,” Piper’s voice is a lull in the tides, a blind comfort to distract from the storm ahead. “We have severed the wings of a phoenix so it may never rise again.”

The crowd stomps, he stomps with them. A fissure runs under his feet, small, unnoticeable. Blood drips down, down, down, into the cracks. There is nothing left for him here. He smiles, soft and small. It is a smile only he knows exists.

With a gentleness he does not possess for anyone else but the man before him he lays his husband down, wincing as the dusty platform touches that beautiful golden skin. But he does not have time to make it clean. To give him a worthy place to rest. He only has right now. Eternity is a second in itself.

And when Prince Perseus stands, straight and unburdened. He reveals the last piece in a twisted puzzle. For sticking out of his own side— the side his prince was pressed against— is a dagger of his own. One that is killing him slowly.

The people are still cheering, Princess Piper is still revelling in her glory. She looks ethereal up on her dais, every bit the goddess she craves to be. Her brown skin shines in the brightening sun, her black hair flowing down, down, down past her hips, swishing at her thighs. And the crown that sits on her head, perched there as if it was too scared to be trapped to such power, glints almost menacingly, jewels reflecting onto the people closest to her. To the woman at her side. Annabeth, sister to Jason, lover to Piper, and honorary daughter of Hekima, sees him. Sees all of him and goes as pale as the moon. She grabs her lover’s arm, points a shaky finger in their direction, at the blade in his side.

The look of horror on their faces is almost enough to make him laugh; it’s certainly enough to make him smile. He watches on as their plans unravel, remembering the deadly words Piper had said to him all those days ago. “Instead we will kill one of you and keep the other continually alive.” But what good would that do, if he had killed them both, if he made sure his blood was smeared across his husband’s wound; if he made sure his husband’s blood could not be used to heal them. He has become the destroyer they so badly wanted. 

Prince Perseus Jackson falls to his knees, at the symphony of a princess’s screech. And as he looks to his side, his fingers find the cool hand of Jason Grace. The sky is a lover’s blue. He closes his eyes. He finds his husband amongst the dead. And ever so slowly, the colosseum starts to crumble. For the blood from his wound seeps into the cracks running rivers of their own, and eats at the stone that holds the people, the power, the world. He has become his father. His mind is fill of his own stories, just like his mother. He feels the cold band on his husband’s finger. He becomes life.

We’ll never get free// lamb to the slaughter// what you gon’ do when there’s blood in the water

The walls behind her turn to dust in slow motion. She sees particles fall, land at her feet in never-ending waterfalls. Her gaze tilts to the sky where she half expects to find it raining blue, as if the whole world would collapse on top of them. She can hear the screaming, she doesn’t known if it’s joy or fear. Sh doesn’t know if anyone has realised what’s just happened, if they know the true extent of her failure. 

“PIPER!” That voice is so far away, but it is one she recognizes. One she has loved since she was left on a lover’s bench ten years prior. “We have to go, we have to stop it from reaching the water.”

A pale hand gestures in front of her, to the crimson rivers speeding across the ground. They are the prettiest canals she’s ever seen. She wants to— 

“PIPER,” The time for shock has gone, and in it’s place is a violent need to save herself, to be saved. “We have to get out of here, this whole place is going to come down.”

When she looks to Annabeth, grey eyes bright with fear, she is struck with feeling so deep she fears she may drown. It wouldn't’ matter; she’ll be dead before she gets to submerge.

“My people,” Her voice is loud, blessedly steady, as she surveys the uneasy crowd who are only now noticing the red brooks bubbling up to meet them. “We must leave here at once. The colosseum is no longer safe. I urge you to go home to your famililes, to pack important things and make your way as far from the oceans and rivers as possible. Danger is here, and it is not a force we can fight.”

A thousand eyes look at her, emotions blatant on their faces ranging from denial, to anger, to fear, to the worst of them all, resignation. Those are the ones, she knows, who have lived through this before, in some way or the other. Whether in a past life, or the echo of their current one through stories carried down.

The ground underneath them shakes, making their feet stumble, their legs quiver. It is laughing at them, at the idea that they can escape this destruction. It has done this a thousand times before, it will do it a thousand more. The end has never been about them. They cannot escape it, no matter where they run, how hard they pray. And people are. Praying. They don’t know it is their gods who order this. Their gods who have no care for the lives of them when they can create a million more. In the end they are pawns to an endless game of chess. The first to be discarded, despite how hard they fight to prove useful. And Jason, her lover’s brother, and Perseus, her own ex lover, are soldiers sent to do their duty. Pawns themselves, maybe knights. But gods they have never been, and gods they will never become.

Annabeth’s hand is warm in hers as they race to their death. Her blonde curls fly behind her and Piper thinks it’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. And then the princess looks to her and she changes her mind. With each glance, each step, each squeeze of their skin, she changes and changes and changes. Until the beauty cannot be pinned to a single thing, until it is a tapestry continuously incomplete, of all the features that make up her love. If she— when, when she dies she will do it with this image in her mind.

And then they’re at the river, the one that feeds her kingdom, the one that runs into to the forest and branches to the five other kingdoms, before feeding into Perseus’s own and out to the ocean. There is no red tainting it’s glistening blue. They have time, maybe, just maybe they have time to save the only home they have ever known, the only one they ever will. 

We’ll never get free// lamb to the slaughter// what you gon’ do when there’s blood in the water

Quickly, with a haste she has never seen, Annabeth pulls a single match from her pocket.

“Will you grant me permission, my love?” Her princess nods to the little stick.

There is only one way to stop a stream from turning towards a river. She nods. “For the kingdoms.”

“For the kingdoms.” The blonde echoes. She strikes the match.

Sunshine yellow flame bursts from the small head, and as it settles it turns orange, blue, goes back to yellow. Annabeth lets it fall to the floor.

And they both watch, flames dancing in their eyes, as the little match catches a dry leaf, which catches dry wood, which catches, and catches, and catches.

They clasp hands, look at each other. Piper runs a finger down a freckled cheek, skin already so warm from the blaze before them.

“Let us live.” Her princess whispers.

They jump into the river. The forest burns to an inferno behind them.

But there, trickling slowly, as if it has all the time in the world, is a single stream of blood. It creeps through the forest, turning already charring soil to nothing. The fire jumps over it, around it, beyond it. The fire does not stop it. 

A single drop of blood catches on a shard of blackened stick, once a match, and as the wind blows it carries the wood over over over. It lands in the river. The stick floats away. The blood spreads wide.

And two princesses, still hand in hand, frantically swimming for their life, start to crumble to ash, like the forest they had left to burn.

We’ll never get free// lamb to the slaughter// what you gon’ do when there’s blood in the water

Perseus Jackson opens his eyes to sky blue, ice blue, saviour blue. And he cannot help but smile.

“Where have you been, my love?”

“Just had to take care of some things before i could join you.” He reaches up a hand to caress a golden cheek, warm and reddening under his touch.

“Are we finally free?” That voice is so soft, full of angled hope.

“Till the next time.” He sees that hope startle and shape before him, as if it can bend to fit around steeled will.

“What shall we do while we wait?”

“As long as we are together,” He brushes back a lock of gold. “It does not matter to me.”

“Might i suggest, staying here for the next decade at the very least?” A laughing reply, one that heats him to his bones.

“Your wish,” His green eyes sparkle dangerously, deliciously, “Is my salvation.”

“Wicked, wicked being.” Lips find his, press to him. It is so familiar, and somehow new all at once. As if the shadows they are made from need to get used to the light within them once more. As if they have not done this for a millennia, longer. 

“I cannot help it when i’m with you.”

“And you are always with me,” Those blue eyes set him on fire.

“Yes,” He says simply. He touches the golden chest, the heart within. His heart.

“What shall we be in the next life?” The question is soft against his skin, raising bumps across his arms.

“I think i shall be a painter,” He muses, lips falling to a shoulder. They trace their way up, catching on collarbones and the crook of a neck, and the dimple behind an ear. “And you, my sweet? How do you intend for us to meet?”

“I think i shall like to be your nude model.” That grin is enough to cause a flush through his form.

“And who will be our heroes?”

“The queen of course.” The blonde’s voice gets conspiratorially low, “I’m her favourite servant you see, and she cannot bear the idea of anyone else seeing me naked.”

He cannot hold in his laughter, the mind of his other half an endless stream of amusement. “And how do we intend to end it this time?”

“That’s up to you dear one.” The being curled into him smiles, “I can only heal, and you know i will only heal you.”

“You make me such a villian.” His expression is violent, and beautiful, so so beautiful.

“We have never been anything else.” 

He stares into the face of eternal love and is struck by the thought that it is all for him, that it has only ever been for him. He cradles a golden face in his hand, and with a deep unhurried breath, kisses Jason.

For the infinite time in his endless life, Perseus tastes fire.

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Tags (if you want to be added to/ taken off the tag list just let me know, all my channels of communication are open):

@nishlicious-01 : to Nish for loving this fic harder than anyone, and for loving me harder still.

@queen-of-demons-and-hell : to Gretch for always being there even though were many countries, and many timezones apart

@leyontheway : to Ley for the endless and unwavering support and for making me smile no matter what

@sparkythunderstorm : to Lily for the continuous love and the wonderful comments

@comradefurudate : to avatar for the hilarious interactions and for loving this the way you did. Your comments made my day.

@aalikun : to ali for the theories and the comments that made me smile so hard my cheeks hurt

to A : you don’t have a tumblr account but you asked if you could read one of my fanfics and i sent you this one and you sent me back a 3 minute long voice note telling me every reason you loved it and i cannot begin to explain to you how much it means to me. i listen to the vn all the time. i love you.

and to every single one of you who liked, and/or commented on this fic: you are special to me in every way that matters and i think about you all the time.

[newtonsheffield]

Omg hi this is the first time ever I'm asking here I don't even know how this works but I figured out since I'm so in love with your universe and I just sent a message to someone else thinking it's you in AO3 lol. But hope you're doing well

I love kathony but I was wondering if you can maybe write some drabbles about daph and simon while she is pregnant? How protective or rather overprotective he would be of her considering that his mum died in childbirth ? How she will calm him down? How they'll do all the sweet things while soaking in the joy of pregnancy ? How she might feel conscious of her body and he will pacify her?

I love your universe and it's okay if it is too much for you! Take care 💖

Hello!!!! 

Your first time ever asking??? Well I’m honoured and a little curious who you sent the message too. I’m sure they’re much more talented than I am anyway! I’m doing okay this week! I called in sick and gave myself a 4 day weekend and it was dope tbh. But now it’s Monday so I am back to sticking my hands in people’s mouth’s for a living (I’m a dentist not a lunatic). 

Anyway! I had another, very similar request so I’m doing a combo!

Anon Asked: Hey so I don't know if I've already asked this but I don't know very well to use Tumblr. Honestly the only reason I use is because I'm so addicted with your universe! (Hehe I also sent a request for saphne in someone else's AO3).

So if you don't mind can you pls write something for saphne during pregnancy? Like how he would be protective or even overprotective of her because his mother died at childbirth? How they'd enjoy the pregnancy time soaking in the happiness? Or how after pregnancy she was worried about her changing figure and how he calms her down and how she helps him with fatherhood?😬lol sorry I think I went too far but I'm addicted to your writing. Take care! ❤️Hello! I don’t know if I’ve accidentally combined your ask with... Your ask but either way, Hope you’re having a good week! And I’m very honoured to have lured you to Tumblr! 

Okay! Simon + Daphne + Lil baby Amelia! 

Daphne Basset hadn’t exactly been surprised when she discovered she was pregnant, startled was perhaps a better term. She and Simon (who was quietly nervous about starting a family anyway) had decided they weren’t trying but they weren’t doing anything to prevent it. They both agreed that these things took time, and they were ready to start trying. Apparently, for them, these things really did not take time. The very next month she was staring at a positive pregnancy test, anxiety clawing at her stomach trying to figure out how to tell her husband, who was barely used to the idea of having children at all, that it was happening, when she heard his voice in their bedroom Daph? her panic rising higher, anxiety freezing her to inactivity as he rounded the corner his eyes widening in surprise at finding her sitting crosslegged on the floor of their ensuite. And then his eyes fell on the test in her hands, his mouth falling open stuttering a little the way her always did when he was taken by surprise, frustrated noises tearing from his chest as he fought to get out the question. A-a-are w-we having a baby Daph? Daphne took a deep breath, tears pricking at her eyes Yes she breathed out, barely able to look at him. And seconds later he’d dropped to the floor in front of her, his arms wrapping tightly around her, his voice filled with emotion Daphne I love you so much and I am so proud to be the father of your child. And she burst into tears.

Simon had been thrilled When Daphne had whispered a tiny little Yes when he’d finally managed to ask her, stammering and stuttering, if she was pregnant. Overjoyed. And then, the panic had set in. His mother had died in childbirth, and yes, she’d apparently always been a little... delicate and Daphne was larger than life, and brimming with health, glowing with pride over her pregnancy, but still. He woke in the middle of the night a cold sweat on his forehead, panic clawing at his chest, fighting for breath as the nightmare replays again and again. Daphne screaming, and blood everywhere and her eyes rolling back in her head, and he only calms down when he feels her cool hands on his forehead her voice urgent in his ear I’m right here Simon. Deep Breaths. Good. I’m going to be just fine, and so is the baby. And he pretends he doesn’t notice that she books twice as many doctor’s appointments as the books recommend and holds his hand tightly as they hear the sound of their baby’s heartbeat and finally he can breathe. When he looks at the tiny child on the screen his heart fills with so much love and all he can do is desperately think I will do whatever it takes to make sure you know how loved you are everyday.

And truly he thought he couldn’t love anything as much as he loved Daphne, the way she’d snuck up on him with her quiet, nurturing attitude and her laugh and the way her eyes sparkled at him when she told a joke. And He’d thought that a life full of her would truly be enough for him, and then he’d started imaging her with their child, his dark hair and her eyes and the tiny little hats she would knit for it and carrying it around on his shoulders and god it made him want to try. And when the doctor handed him his tiny daughter, a shock of dark hair already on her head and his heart had swelled and tears had come to his eyes and they’d spilled over onto his cheeks and Daphne’s hand had been warm on his arm and he’d taken a deep breath and I’m your Dad, Amelia. And Your Mum and I love you very much.           

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 43

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- note for this chapter: i wanted to post this chapter quickly because it followed the other. but i promise a LOT of fluff in the next few chapters!!! super super fluff with lots of love and affection!! :D

no request for this chapter but I promise a few in the next!

Chapter 43 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I was exhausted when everyone left and we both walked to Niall's room slowly without sharing a word. I got undressed and put a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt on and when I turned around, I realized he was doing the same thing, jumping slightly to pull his pants up.

"Can I ask you something random?" he wondered, without looking at me.

The fact that his eyes wouldn't meet mine made me frown and I just licked my lips, shrugging a shoulder.

"You can ask me anything, you know it."

I kept looking at him but he was just standing on his side, looking at the wall in front of him as he put his shirt on and I felt my heartbeats accelerate. I didn't know what he wanted to ask, and I didn't know why he was avoiding my gaze, but it started stressing me. He cleared his throat and looked down at his wrist as he took his watch off.

"While I was gone did you... I mean, you spent a lot of time with Louis so I was wondering if you had... thought about him in a... sexual way."

My lips parted in shock as I kept staring at my boyfriend. I probably remained quiet for a bit too long because he finally turned to me, his eyes meeting mine.

"So?"

"Why would you ask me that?" I frowned more, wondering where exactly that came from.

"And why won't you answer?"

Something instantly seemed to click inside me and my traits softened as my heart twisted in my chest. I took a step closer and shook my head lightly as he kept looking at me. I didn't want to have this discussion. I was tired, a bit sad because of all the comments I had read online about me and the last thing I needed were those kinds of questions, but I felt like it was deeper than it seemed and it hurt me in a way I couldn't explain.

"You're asking me that because you did... you wanted to fuck someone else when you were gone. Maybe more than one girl, too." I let out so low, watching his face change. "You said you didn't cheat on me but you... you wanted to do it."

"Okay so I thought about shagging one random girl after being away from you for weeks, it means nothing!" he quickly let out, his voice a bit louder than I expected. "But you! You thought about one of my best mates fucking you! Maybe even here! In my house!"

"I never said I thought about him like that!" I argued, raising my voice too and taking a step forward. "You know I love you!"

"This is not about love! It's about sex!"

"You said it was linked!" I let out, almost screaming. His face changed again and I could swear I read guilt all over it. I swallowed hard and my voice got back to a normal tone. "Remember?  You said it's normally not linked but that this relationship was different."

"Did you or did you not think about Louis like that?" he asked again, ignoring my comment.

I blinked a few times, trying to remember the feelings and thoughts i may have had when I spent time with Louis but to me, it was ridiculous.

"Does it make you feel better?" I asked, shaking my head a bit, not believing we were having this discussion. "Would it make you feel better to know you're not the only one who wanted to fuck someone else? So you can stop feeling guilty for flirting with that girl in an other country while I was here waiting for you to call?"

"You're avoiding my question!" he said in an angry tone, making me frown.

"No! My answer is no!" It took me a few seconds to realize that tears were falling down my cheeks but I didn't know if I was crying of pain or anger. "You're alone in that, Niall! So that bad guilty feeling eating you up? You fucking deserve it!"

I was expecting him to scream back at me but I was hoping he'd apologize. He did neither. He stared at me for a few seconds and finally grabbed his wallet next to the bed and walked past me. I wanted to run after him but I felt paralyzed and it's only when I heard the front door slam that I breathed in, realizing I had stopped. I felt my legs wobble and sat on the bed, swallowing my pain and closing my eyes. I felt like shit for the argument we just had but at the same time, I was too hurt to try and solve it. Did Niall really think about an other girl? I knew it was normal to lust other people to some extent but that didn't mean it didn't hurt... How could he lust someone else so soon in this relationship? Could we blame that on the distance? I rubbed my eyes a few times but couldn't hold it anymore and started crying.

I lied down in bed and wrapped the covers over myself, rubbing my face on the pillow. I suddenly realized that it would always feel like that and that I'd always be scared of what could happen. The self-confidence I didn't have was going to hurt me and ruin my relationship. Niall hadn't done anything but I was crying as if he had and I couldn't control the tears. I wanted to text him to come back but if I wanted to be honest with myself, I knew it was okay to be away from each other for a few hours.

I cried myself to sleep and when I woke up, I realized it was still the middle of the night. I heard Niall drop his keys on the coffee table in the living room and sat up, rubbing my eyes.

"Stupid couch!" he tried to whisper, mumbling his words.

I held my breath when I realized he had drank and felt my heart twist in my chest. I knew that having an other discussion at that moment would be bad and I just lied back down and closed my eyes, waiting for him to walk in. He eventually did and it didn't take him long to get under the covers with me. I tried to keep my tears in but the fact that he lied down with his back facing me hurt me even more than I already was. I waited until my eyes got used to the darkness and stared at the back of his nape, doing everything I could not to bring my hand to his hair. I was not mad at him anymore, just hurt and sad, and when he started snoring lightly, I moved close enough to him to feel the warmth of his body emanate on mine. Slowly, I brought my face closer and pressed my lips gently on his neck.

"I love you, Niall." I whispered, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Goodnight."

                                                          -----

When I woke up the next day it took me a few seconds to remember the fight we had the night before. I reached in bed, running my hand on the cold and soft sheets, only to realize Niall wasn't in bed anymore. I felt my heart hurt and I sighed before opening my eyes and staring up at the ceiling. Niall and I rarely fought and if i wanted to be honest, everything had happened so quickly that I wasn't sure what exactly went on. When he read the mean comments online, he made it clear that it was not what he thought of me and only a few hours later, he accused me to have impure thoughts for his friend. He didn't admit it but I knew he had wanted to have sex with girls he met during his trip and even if it hurt like hell, I knew it was not a reason to fight. Niall had always been popular, whether it was just around our small town, or around the world, and he was never really the kind of guy to get into steady relationships. He did have a few but in the end, he always seemed happier when he was single. The truth was, I wanted to be the exception. I wanted to be the girl who would make it all worth it.

I got up and shivered, feeling goosebumps appear all over my body. I searched through his stuff and found one of his sweaters, quickly putting it on. As soon as I opened the door, I smelled coffee and walked quickly until the kitchen. He was there, his back facing me as he cleaned the mess we had left the night before with our friends. I noticed a cup of steaming coffee waiting for me on the island and pressed my lips together as I walked closer. It was my favorite mug and it made me smile. I glanced up but he was still not looking at me even if I knew he heard me and could feel my presence. I took a few sips as he brought the dirty dishes on the counter and started filling the sink. I didn't say anything, I just walked up to him and he moved away, giving me space. I put myself in front of the sink and started adding soap in it as it filled. There was clearly too much foam and I finally heard his voice for the first time this morning.

"Maybe you put too much soap, don't you think?"

His words made my heart jump in my chest as I thought about the last time he said that to me. We normally put the dishes in the dishwasher and I couldn't help but think he did that on purpose, just to remind me of that time at the lodge. I felt my lips curl and I chuckled low, grabbing foam with my hand and turning his way before blowing on it.

"You're gonna pay for that." he had talked low and gently and I suspected it was more to make that memory live again than out of annoyance.

I laughed and turned around, leaning my ass against the sink. He took a step my way slowly, pressing his body against mine as I looked up. I didn't say anything when he brought his hand from behind my back only to wipe foam on my nose but my smile got bigger and I raised my nose up in an amused grimace.

"Is that the best you can do?" I asked low, slowly taking the foam off.

He shook his head, a smile on his face, and finally bent down to press his lips against mine. I waited until he deepened the kiss and just closed my eyes, letting him lead. He tasted like coffee and I just enjoyed the way his tongue moved against mine. No one had ever kissed me the way Niall did. At first, I thought it was simply because of the feelings I had for him but with time, I realized it was more than that. We didn't just kiss like lovers, we kissed like lovers who have known each other for decades, and it made a huge difference.

"I love you so much, petal." he breathed in my mouth. "I'm so sorry for last night."

Instead to answer, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him deeper. We remained like that for a while but he finally pulled away slightly and leaned his forehead against mine as his hands reached my waist. He led me back until an other part of the counter, exactly where I was sitting the night before, and helped me sit on it again.

"Do you forgive me?" he asked, trying to pull on my sweatpants as I stared at him.

I didn't know if he apologized for the fight or for the fact that he wanted to have sex with someone else but in the end, it didn't matter. I nodded slowly, looking back in his eyes, and moved my butt up to let him pull my pants down. His lips reached for my neck and after only a few seconds, he got down on his knees and my lips parted in surprise. His lips brushed on my thighs and I held my breath until he pressed them on my pussy. Skillfully, his tongue slid inside me and I shut my eyes tight.

"Fuck."

This is not what I had expected my morning to be like. I thought we'd have a discussion or that we'd fight again, but I honestly didn't think i'd end up sitting on the kitchen's counter with Niall's face between my legs, not that I was complaining. We had spent many days just us two, making love whenever we wanted, after he came back, but I could never get too much of his lips wrapped around my clit.

"Oh god don't stop, i'm gonna cum."

I brought my hand to his hair and gripped it gently as I ground my hips against his mouth until I reached an orgasm. It spread all over me and I started shaking but I felt Niall's hand holding my knees apart as he stayed between my legs until my whole body relaxed. My eyes fluttered open and he got up. I smiled when I noticed his lips glistening from my orgasm and grabbed the front of his shirt to pull him closer.

"How bad do you want to be inside me?" I whispered, rubbing my parted lips against his wet ones.

He didn't answer, he just smiled and I glanced down only to see him pull his sweatpants down his ass.

"Do you think the table can support my weight?" I asked with a smirk before chuckling.

I didn't wait for his answer and got off the counter to reach the table. I sat on it and felt his hands run on my thighs and up my waist, grabbing the bottom of my sweatshirt and pulling it off for me and letting it fall on the floor. He kissed me softly, running one of his hands between my breasts and pushing me gently. I lied down and sent him a smile as his eyes roamed on my naked body. Quickly, I watched him grab the back of his shirt to take it off and he moved closer to the table.

"I want you so fucking bad." he admitted in a whisper. "I want no one else. Just you. All of you."

I swallowed my tears and smiled at him fondly, watching him through my eyelashes. I could feel his hard cock press on my pussy, his tip gliding easily on my clit and making my legs tense.

"Then take me, i'm all yours." I murmured back. "I've always been yours."

He moved away slightly only to push himself very slowly inside me, his eyes never leaving mine. I tried to focus on how well he filled me and how our bodies always seemed to fit perfectly but I cared more about the way he was looking at me... like I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen... like I was the only girl worth looking at. I didn't know why he was looking at me like that and I was well aware that he had met girls a million times prettier, and seen girls naked with perfect bodies... but in that very moment, because of the way he was looking at me, I felt like I beat all of them.

"Oh my god." I whispered when he was completely inside me.

I pressed my lips together and he remained still. I could feel myself throb around his cock but I tried not to move as his hands traveled on my breasts and stomach gently. I didn't want to feel self-conscious, I just wanted to enjoy this moment and live it plenty. Slowly, he bent closer and his lips reached mine. I kept my arms on each side of my head and felt his hands travel on them before reaching my fingers and gripping them. He moved his hips slightly back before pushing himself inside me again and it made me whimper.

"I love you so much, you feel so fucking good." he whispered again, taking my upper lip between his and sucking on it gently. "You're so fucking wet, warm and tight." he added just as low. "And beautiful."

Despite his warm body over me, I shivered and gripped his fingers tighter. His lips ran very slowly until my neck and I turned my head to give him a better access. I felt his teeth nibble my skin before he dropped a few kisses on the same spots.

"Please, Niall..." I whimpered in a begging tone.

He brought his lips back on mine and kissed me, making a vestige of my orgasm transfer on my own taste buds, but he finally got back up, gripping my thighs, his fingers sinking in my skin. He started thrusting in and out of me slowly at first but more vigorously after a while and I let my own hands run on my breasts as he stared at my movements. He looked down only to see his cock move in and out of me and finally let go of one of my thighs to lick his thumb and bring it between my legs. I twitched and moaned louder when he started rubbing my clit with it.

"Fuck, you're so wet."

He didn't even look up in my eyes, he just stared at his thumb brushing on my clit as he fucked me harder, making my body jerk and throb more and more.

"I can feel you clench around me, you're close pet, aren't you?"

When his eyes met mine, I nodded so quickly that a smirk appeared on his face.

"Cum for me."

That's all it took for me to reach my peak for the second time.

"Oh my god, f-fuck, Niall!" I closed my eyes tight and I started shaking uncontrollably as he kept fucking me and rubbing my clit through my orgasm. "Niall!"

"Fuck i can't-"

Swiftly, he moved his cock out of me and jerked himself a few times before spurting on my lower stomach. My lips parted again as I watching him cum on me and my heart skipped a beat when I saw him push his cock back inside me, cumming some more in my pussy. The thought was so hot I started shaking again as he fucked me a couple more times.

"Fuck, i'm sorry." he whispered, laying his chest back on mine and burring his face in my neck. "You just feel so fucking good around me, I wanted to feel it for a few more seconds."

I didn't answer but his words made me smile and I brought my arms around him, letting my fingertips brush on his back slowly. We stayed quiet for a few minutes and after a while, I just licked my lips.

"Yesterday, you called me 'honey'" I let out, biting my bottom lip. "That's also the safe word you picked when we went on that double date."

There was no question in my sentence but I knew he understood when he chuckled against my neck.

"You smell like a mix of honey and vanilla." he explained, leaving a kiss on my skin. "I only noticed that a few days after we came back from tour but it sort of obsessed me."

My lips curled into an amused smile and I chuckled.

"I obsessed you?"

"Yea, and you still do." he admitted. "And not just sexually."

I smiled even more, liking the fact that he answered my question before I even had time to ask him. A lot of thoughts started running in my mind and my smile died slowly as I thought about the night before.

"You left to go drink last night, did you?"

I heard him sigh and he moved away a bit to be able to look in my eyes. My gaze roamed on his face and I could see how guilty he felt. I knew it was a bad moment to go through, but we had to talk about it.

"Yea, and i'm sorry. I was scared to make things worse and... you were right. I felt guilty as shit." he confessed, looking down but quickly looking back up in my eyes. "I did lust a girl on that trip. It lasted half a second, if even, and I hated myself for it. Then I started thinking that maybe you lusted someone else too. I mean if I did, then why couldn't you, you know? When I saw how close you and Louis became while I was gone... I lost it."

I didn't talk, I couldn't talk. I just looked intensely at him, trying to keep my tears in. I knew that if I talked, my voice would crack, so I just pressed my lips together and waited

"That night, I ran back to the motel in the rain and waited for your call alone in a disgusting and dark room... and it hit me so hard to realize that life was still going on while I was gone. The world kept turning, the sun kept shining, and someone else was there to make you laugh, to bring you places, to have conversations with you at night. And that person was not me."

I brought one of my hands to his face, brushing my thumb slowly on his cheek, right under his eye. He was so handsome, so fucking beautiful, and the confession he was telling me made me realize that he loved me more than I thought he did, even if he made mistakes, sometimes, the way I did too.

"I was so jealous. I still am. I'm so fucking jealous and i'm not used to it. I don't know how to handle it, or what to do with it. It makes my insides burn so bad. I mean I know it's not rational, and I do trust in you it's just..."

He shook his head with a grimace and I knew exactly how he felt.

"It's okay, I get it." I let out in a low tone.

He blinked a few times, his gaze falling on my lips as I nibbled on my bottom one without really realizing it.

"I made you feel like that a lot, didn't I?" he asked as I nodded. "And I bet I will again without even wanting to."

"Probably." I murmured. "You're always around beautiful girls. And everyone loves you."

"It doesn't matter who else loves me, Olivia." he pointed out, the left corner of his lips moving up. "I only love you. No one else. Focus on that."

I knew that at some point, Niall would start writing songs again. I knew he'd record an album, I knew he'd go on tour, I knew he'd meet tons of girls, go to galas, make collaborations and concerts... I knew that many girls would flirt with him and try to get a piece of him, even if they'd know he was taken, and i'd have to be strong or it would kill me.

"Do you promise to always be honest with me?"

"I thought you'd make me promise to always be faithful to you." he raised his eyebrows in surprise and I just sighed.

"Can you really promise me that?" I said with a shrug, looking away. "Do you think you could really keep that promise?"

"Hey, hey..." he said a little louder, trying to get my attention. I held my breath and looked back in his eyes. "Yes, I can keep that promise. I promise to always be faithful to you, and I promise to always be honest with you. On my life, Olivia, I swear."

I didn't know why, but his words made me feel better. I emptied my lungs and sent him a small and fond smile.

"I promise you the same."

[golbrocklovely]

the chosen daughter // colby brock - chapter four

A/N: hey yall! life update: i have a job now! it’s part time, thank god, and so far i don’t completely hate it, which is good. hopefully it won’t get too hectic, but we shall see. anyway, i hope you are liking this series so far. let me know what you think about it. also lmk if you want to be added to the taglist. hope you enjoy this chapter. alrighty, i’ll see yall later :)

story description

taglist: @far-to-many-bands , @idfk-tbh-oops , @muted-mayham , @ughwhyislifesohard , @justtanerd , @ashyoungxblood ,  @cmburgos

trigger warning: cursing, being hunted??, mentions of killing/murder

word count: 1693

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My apartment had been trashed, everything torn up and thrown all over the place. Sam stayed with me for two hours, scoping it out and making sure everything was back in its place.

Nothing of mines was taken. It just looked like someone broke in to make a mess and leave.

Sam believed it was vamp. I wasn’t sure what to think.

After barely getting any sleep, I wasn’t too excited to go to work. But at least I would be surrounded by people and not by myself, left alone to think of what could have broken in.

I filled Ronnie in on some of my crazy adventures from the past two-ish days.

“How is it you have all the fun on your days off?” Ronnie whined, cleaning a glass.

I scoffed. “I highly doubt getting almost killed by a vampire, and then having one break into my place ‘fun’, Ronnie.”

“At least it’s more interesting than me laying around and watching Real Housewives.” She joked. “So, all of these guys work at Trapp Haus and that’s how you met them?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Got my own connection which is how I was able to skip the line that usually wraps around the whole block.”

“I swear I’ve never heard of any of them before. Are they all bartenders or something?” She asked, starting a new order.

“Um, I think some of them are.” I lied. “One or two might work in the business side of the place, since they’re vamps.”

“I’ll have to go there next human night. Colby sounds pretty hot.” Ronnie smirked.

“I mean he is, but he’s kinda a dick.” I huffed.

“Well, all the hot ones are. Besides, he does have a soft side: he did save you.”

“I guess so…”

The night moved slowly, not too many patrons on a Sunday-Monday evening. I was so happy to finally have my break, being able to step outside and get some fresh air.

I took a deep breath as I looked up into the night sky.

What the fuck had my life turn into?

I shook my head, leaning my back against the brick wall of the bar. I stared into the parking lot, my eyes fixating on the dark. Through the trees that surrounded the lot, I saw the outline of a man.

I squinted my eyes, trying to see if I was seeing things. The figured disappeared as I blinked. I relaxed a little, annoyed at my own paranoia.

Maybe I am going crazy…

I stood up and went to walk back in. As I went to open the door, I heard a low growl come from behind me.

The hair on the back of my neck shot up. I could feel a presence behind me. I didn’t want to turn around, but I knew I had to. I twisted around slowly, my heartbeat speeding up faster and faster.

Nothing was behind me.

I looked around, my anxiety still at its peak. I knew I heard something; but nothing, no one, was there.

I spun back around. A man stood in front of the door. All I could see of him was his glowing red eyes and shiny fangs. He jumped forward with his hands reaching for my neck. A scream ripped from my throat.

I fell to the ground with a loud thump. He was no longer around me, I was alone once again. I scrambled back onto my feet, glancing hastily at the parking lot. I heard a dark chuckle come from the darkness. My eyes widen as I yanked the door opened and slammed it shut, locking it tight. I leaned my back against the door, trying to catch my breath.

He reminded me of someone, but I couldn’t think of who.

I ran to Roger’s office, needing an answer. There was a drawer in his desk, where all the receipts were kept from every night. Roger was very meticulous about it. I grabbed the folder from the previous night I worked. I flipped through all of them until I landed on the one I knew it had to be.

Cyrus Gladstone.

He was Blondie’s… Jasper’s… friend. He knew.

Jasper was dead. And he knew I was the one that got him killed.

Fuck.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, dialing the only number I knew could help me.

“Sam… I need you again.”

~ \/ \/ ~

"How many tips did you make tonight?" I asked, counting out mine again.

Ronnie sighed. "About $20. You?"

"$35." I muttered.

"Ugh, that's not fair. I swear, your blood must smell like a fucking bakery with how many tips you get." She laughed.

"Ain't I lucky." I hissed jokingly.

The door to the bar rang open. Both Ronnie and I sighed. "Sorry, we're closed."

"I'm not here for a drink." A deep voice replied, stepping around the corner.

I turned to face the voice and realized who it was. "Colby..."

"That's Colby?" Ronnie exclaimed quietly. She leaned closer to my ear. "Holy shit he's hot."

"Shhh." I elbowed her lightly, turning back to Colby. "Uh, hey. Are you here to escort me home?"

"Actually, I'm taking you back to our place.” He informed, his hands sliding into his pockets.

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Oh? Okay."

"I'll see you later, Jade. Have fun." Ronnie mumbled, smirking at me and walking to the back to grab her stuff.

"Uh, let's head out." I nodded my head at Colby, slinging my bag over me.

As we walked into the parking lot, Colby stopped me. "Are we really gonna take your car to the club? It's only a couple blocks down."

I scoffed. "I'm sorry... what do you expect me to do? I can't leave my car here."

"Running would be faster." He stated.

"If I was also a vampire." I fumed.

Colby growled, his fangs prominent. "I could turn you into one."

"Shut up and just get in my car." I retorted.

I opened my car door and slid into the seat. Colby stood in the parking lot, glaring at me.

"Are you getting in or not?" I huffed.

He didn't respond.

Who pissed in his Cheerios today?

I rolled my eyes, driving away. "Whatever. I'll meet you back at the Trapp Haus."

I glanced at my rear view mirror, seeing Colby was already gone. I drove, the streets being close to empty since it was so late. I finally got to the Trapp Haus, pulling into the parking lot. Colby had his back rested against the entrance, scrolling through his phone.

I alarmed my car and strolled up to him. "Why exactly am I here?"

"Sam wanted to talk with me and you. That's all he's told me." He remarked. I followed him up the apartment. Walking in, Sam sat on one of the couches, looking up at us.

"Oh good, I was wondering when you were getting here." Sam spoke, smiling.

"So... what do you gotta tell us?" Colby asked.

"Well, I think we have all concluded that Cyrus is after you because of Jasper's death.” Sam admitted.

I nodded my head. “Yeah.”

“He's most likely the person that broke into your apartment. He's trying to get inside your head. Make you feel uncomfortable and nervous.” Sam responded, stepping towards us.

“So, he's playing with his food?” Colby smirked.

Sam and I both glared at him. “Colby... really?”

His lips folded into a tight line. “Sorry.”

Sam sighed. “Anyway, because of this, I want you to stay here until we can hunt him down and kill him.”

“What?” Colby questioned, his arms crossing.

“Dude, let's be honest here. She's not safe. And unless you want to stand guard at her place until he comes a-knocking, it would just be better if she was here.” Sam argued, turning to Colby.

“No, it wouldn't.” Colby grabbed Sam’s arm, pulling him away from me. “Don't you think we've done enough?”

“How?” Sam inquired.

“How are we gonna find where he is? Unless he's living in LA, which may not be the case, he could be anywhere. Are you expecting me to run around the whole fucking city looking for him?” Colby ranted, his voice deep.

Sam scoffed. “What else are we supposed to do? Leave Jade for dead?”

“Yes! We've already done enough. We’ve never gone this far for someone unless they're family. And she's not.”

My heart dropped as Colby's eyes landed on me. They were cold. Unfriendly.

“We can't leave her now. I won't leave her now.” Sam objected.

“We don't even know if he's hunting her. He could just be dicking around.” Colby hissed.

“Or he could be hunting her. We don't know Jasper and Cyrus’ relationship. If someone killed me, you would hunt them down.” Sam stated.

Colby paused for a second, rolling his eyes. “Fine. But how long is she gonna be here?”

“Until you find out where he is.” Sam smirked.

Colby groaned. “Do you wanna give me a clue as to where he could be?”

“Mike talked to a couple of his buddies on the south side. Apparently that where he likes to hang out at. So, snoop around, see what comes up.” Sam replied. He then turned to me. “Jade?”

I cleared my throat. “Yeah?”

“You're gonna sleep in my room until this is all sorted out.” He explained.

I stammered. “No. I can sleep-”

Sam cut me off. “I insist. Besides, it won't be the first time I've fallen asleep on the couch. I'm gonna go get you some clothes to change into. Tomorrow I'll head over with you to your place and we'll pick up some of your stuff.”

I smiled lightly. “Okay.”

Sam left to go into his room. I stared at Colby as he sat down on the couch, sighing deeply.

I stepped over to him, staying a few feet away.

He finally glanced up at me. "What?"

"You really hate me that much." I knew it was true.

My eyes never left his. He just looked at me with an almost sad glimmer.

"Jade?" Sam called.

"Coming." I answered, turning my head away from Colby.

<< CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 5 >>

[imagines-sinfully]

Congrats on new blog 🎉 I’m kind of anxious for this weeks episode any chance you could write some makoharu fluff in Tokyo 🙏

Ahh! Hell there anon! I was so anxious too omg and tbh I kinda liked and not liked how ep10 turned out but it is fine, we gotta trust our boys. I am sorry for the late answer🙏🙏Here is some Makoharu fluff when they are in tokyo. I hope you like it. And it is from Makoto's pov!! *surprise!* I hope you don't mind that.🙈"Haru, are you done?" I smiled at Haru as I stood at the bathroom's door.We just got home from our college, already dead tired.It was my idea to spend some time with my baby boy. I missed him so freaking much! I had a rough time when he had spent the whole week far from my side, I really wanted to try making up for all the times I died longing for his touch.Haru was my angel. The most delicate creature in the whole world. I could just drown in his eyes, and rest forever.I took a minute to appreciate his form. So godly.He was still under the shower. And my eyes were blessed to watch that heavenly view; his dark, black hair soaked wet while the water ran down his body so smoothly, like pearls. And the most alluring sight was his face that pulsed with pleasure.It was not rare to see Haru enjoying himself in the pool, but there, I was the only one allowed to please myself with that view.Haru had that habit to shower wearing his swimsuit! And no matter how many times I tried, he wouldn't change it. So I stopped complaining about such a thing.He'd usually take it iff when he got 'satisfied'. If that made sense."Till when are you planning to stay there?" Haru looked at me. Damn! His eyes were like jewels! Two blue fancy jewels piercing my heart without even trying."Ah! My bad!" I entered the bathroom and closed the door, placing the two big towels in the basket and started to strip off my own clothes.I was just about to finish when a swimsuit slapped my face, "ouch!" "Hurry up! You are taking so long," The same devilish eyes were staring at me, I could say the word 'Devilish' because the heavy blue was like a devil who seduced my entire soul and placed it under his fangs. Still not trying tho!.Once he said that, I felt the blood rushing to my face. So he had been staring at me the whole time?! Damn Haru!Not fair! I took off the last piece of cloth I wore before I walked to him, "Really? Haru?" I leant to kiss the smooth skin of his cheek."Yes! Because I am done." He stated looking up at me. His gaze...it was all about that gaze."Makoto," He whispered, cupping my face with his smaller hands. I swear Haru was like a small gorgeous mermaid."Honey." I smiled to him. The water of the shower falling on top of us, adding more beauty to Haru's features. Or at least his passion for it made him look in his most beautiful looks.I waited no longer, because knowing him, he wouldn't say what he wanted clearly, but it was easy to read him. Like an open book.Yes! Open book.I wrapped my arms around his waist, lifting him up lightly before he trailed his hands to my jaw, then to the back of my neck."Shh---it" I hissed, his touch had that magical feel which was contected directly to my nerves. "Haru," I whimpered brushing on his wet lips with my own, "I love you." He gave me one last passionated gaze before he slammed his lips against mine.So small and soft, yet so hot and delicious. I deepened the kiss as I took a full grab of his fine booty. Swallowing an 'ahh' He just lat it escape his lips.His body was so sensitive to my touch. It'd get all heated up from the slightest caress I gave. "Haruka," He hated to be called with his full name, but in situation like that, it turned him on, so freaking much."D-don't ca-" I opened my mouth and kissed him again, an open mouth kiss, he liked it.He liked to be devoured by me, he loved to give up all his body and surrender to my absolute control.Spending my whole life with him made me expose every little secret he hid under that calm face, and it made me realise that Haru was a live piece of burning emotions.I lifted him up more, enough for him to wrap his legs around my hips. The floor was slippery but we risked it all under the heat of the moment.He rubbed my hair from my nape up to the top of my head, scratching my scalp with the tips of his fingers."Ahh~Haru! I love when you rub my hair like this." I groaned at the crook of his neck, pushing his back against the cold wall."Mgh..Makoto," "Haru, I freaking love you," My fingertips caressed his thigh, before I kneaded the flesh. His skin was so smooth, and shyly shivered everytime I touched it.So much passion was burning between us. I couldn't resist it any more, and attacked his neck with my teeth. Marking on a visible areas, where he could not hide at all.Just marking my territory.As they say.The veins underneath his skin. The blood running there..His perfect muscle that were twitching against my chest, were all moaning my name out. I could feel it with every deep throated moan escaped his larynx."Makoto.." "Yes, baby," "Let's get into the tub! We might fall here, the floor is so slippery." Haru looked at me, his face flushest with a pink colour. And thae fact that I was the only one who could see it-for whatever reason- drove me crazy!Few seconds later, we were relaxing in the tub, Haru's back pressed on my chest as he laid his head on my chest.His eyes closed, and I could tell he was almost humming to himself. Of course! It was the feel of water. Or that what I thought."Makoto,""Hmm??""Are you a pillow? Because you are so comfy."I giggled, Haru had his own ways in flirting, and it was absolutely so cute. He opened his eyes, raising an eyebrow and shot me a glare, "What's so funny?" "Hahaha," I wrapped my arms around him, "Nothing, but, you are so cute." "I know.""Hahahaha, so can Makoto get a kiss?""Yes, he can." A faint blush covered his face, before I tilted my head and kissed his cheek.He loved to be spoiled, and I did spoil him.. Never knew if I over did it but I was okay with it! I'm ready to spoil him as much as I could.And times like that, when we were both tired and literally couldn't do anything but kissing, I got to discover more about him. About any change or trouble he was experiencing. I got to look with a clear vision at how Haru the cold one, gets so worked up when I was around."Haru," I whispered to him twice but yet no answer, I tilted my head and saw him already asleep!"AWWWW!" I didn't want to wake him up, honestly I was used to Haru falling asleep between my arms, so no big deal. I carried him gently, and wrapped his beautiful precious body with a towel and took him to the bedroom. We were alone so I had no worry about walking there butt naked. His face screamed beauty, cuteness and every jewel-like thing! I traced my finger along his lips smiling widly, then down along the so many hickies I left on his neck, god! What a kind of art! "I love you." I whispered kissing his forehead before I went to my closet. I put on my pants and - hardly- managed to dress Haru into one of my shirts without waking him up.I couldn't risk him catshing a cold!! I slided my body next to him, and without even waking up he nuzzled my chest.How adorable! I kissed the top of his head and whispered "Good night." To him.Nights like that worth the world's gold to me.

[royalbluehues]

Ineffable

(Major Infinity War Spoilers!)

A/N: There is a major Infinity War spoiler, so if you haven’t seen it, beware. 

This damn movie killed me. And it didn’t help that it started off in a very bad way either.  

I have a part 2 in mind, so let me know if you want to see that. 

*The parts that are in italics are memories, starting when you are younger and progressing forward. 

I also didn’t add my tag list because I have no clue if you people have seen it yet.

To make the story even more sad, you can listen to this as you read it. Promise you it will make it more effective:

We All Complete- Rachel Portman

The Prince’s Tale- Alexander Desplat (This one goes along with it better tbh)

Title: Ineffable

Author: royalbluehues

Warnings: Death, spoilers, depictions of death, a subtle NSFW theme.

Pairings: Loki Laufeyson x Reader

Part 2

“We were together. I forget the rest.” -Walt Whitman

Ineffable

(adj.) too grand or great to express in words.

You dug your fingers into the cold metal floor, trying to ground yourself and stop the pain. Your cheek was resting against the cool floor as well, every muscle in your body screaming at you to stop moving, while your mind was yelling for you to flee.

You were fading in and out, you could hear the screams of men and women, you could feel their fear, for you radiated it as well.

Dark spots spotted your vision, and you were falling back into darkness.

Like ink in water, your memories resurfaced.

“-and this is my daughter.” Your mother smiled at the Queen, pushing you gently by the small of your back.

You blushed, curtsying, standing as tall as you could to look like the lady your mother was, but you only reached her hip. “My Queen.”

Frigga smiled lovely, “Why, she looks just like you.”

The sound of a shattering vase made the three of you turn to the door of the room.

“Loki- by the Norns these boys. Come here this instant!” Frigga scolded, “That was a vase that your father brought back from Vanaheim when we first met!”

A boy poked his head into the room from behind the door, his lips were set into a tight line, preventing not to laugh. “I’m truly sorry mother.”

The Queen sighed, beckoning the boy forward. “Loki, come meet our guests.”

He stood in front of you, and you both stared at one another. You blushed under his gaze, and averted your eyes downward.

He was just a few inches taller than you, his hair black as night, and his skin reminded you of porcelain. His eyes reminded you of what emeralds must have looked like after being submerged in water.

“Darling perhaps you could show her around the library?”

When the dark spots subsided, you blinked rapidly, pushing off on your hands. The cut on your temple was bleeding, and the blood was running down on your eyes, blocking your vision. Around you were the bodies of the men and women you heard screaming, the remnants of fear in the dead eyes.

Your stomach turned, your eyes had watered. You had survived the fall of Asgard, and yet this had been the demise of your people. You leaned on the wall, forcing one foot in front of another, not particularly sure where you were going.

The ballroom was lit with candles and flowers, welcoming the spring solstice. Your mother had made you a sea green dress, with white budding and blooming flowers cascading on the bottom. Your cheeks were rosy with glee, as you watched the couples dance to their heart’s content, watching as the fabric of the noble ladies’s dresses swished to and fro.

“It’s much more fun to partake in the activity rather than watch it all evening.”

You jumped, nearly spilling your beverage. You held a hand to your chest, attempting to steady the rapid beat of your heart when you met eyes with green ones. A laugh tumbled from you, and blushed deeply at him. “Loki you nearly sent my soul to Valhalla.”

He was so close, and so handsome. His dark hair touched the nape of his neck, and a few strands fell in front of his eyes. He was wearing his formal armor, knowing he must be wanting nothing more than to take it off. Your heart thumped merrily at the sight of him, and his smile mimicked yours. He took your drink, set it on the table closest to you. He took your hands, his skin so pale against yours, the feel of him electrifying each of your nerves.

“May I have this dance?”

You nodded, feeling the eyes of nearly everyone watching the both of you. “Of course.”

You felt like the princesses in your fairy-tales that night.

Your dress was in tatters, the bottom burnt, and your slippers soiled with blood.

Squinting, you followed the sound of voices, trying not to take such deep breaths, for you knew the air would be poisonous. You slowed your steps, and peeked around the corner, the very image nearly swallowing you up whole.

Thor was kneeling, encased in metal, muzzled like a dog. Thanos battled the Hulk, each punch they threw at each other causing you to flinch.

You felt like throwing up, the fear you had felt earlier now clutching you in it’s jaws, forcing your heart racing in panic as you assessed the situation.

And you did something completely idiotic: you stepped from your corner and hobbled forward, your nerves buzzing and the hair rising on your shoulders when sets of eyes turned to you.

You felt arms snake around you and pull you against a wall. One arm let you go and moved to cover your mouth when you squealed.

“What are you doing here?” Loki growled into your ear, “You were supposed to have gone with Valkyrie!” His eyes were widened, and he looked around in a frenzy, “if he sees you, he’ll kill you! Why aren’t you with Valkyrie!”

When he uncovered your mouth, you wrapped yourself around him, holding him to you like it was your only hope.

And maybe it was.

“Darling, she’s dead,” you croaked, leaning into him, into his embrace, “My love, I’m sorry-”

He was angry, his green eyes cracking like lighting. “I told you to leave!” Now he appeared to have tears in his eyes, “You were supposed to have left by now!”

The fire in the room was overbearing, the heat made your silk gown stick to your skin, sweat, blood and dirt mingled on your body, reminding you of the matter at hand. You cupped his cheeks in your hands, “My love, they killed everyone. I’m sorry.”

“Then you should have gone alone!” He spat at you, pushing you away to look at you.

You shook your head, looking deeply into his green eyes. “You’re a fool to think I would leave you behind.” You told him solemnly. “I’ve lost you more times than I can count on one hand. I won’t have it have it happen again.”

Lying on his chest, you felt him lazily trace patterns on your back. “One day, perhaps, there might even be little you’s and me’s.”

You smiled, burrowing your face into his bare chest. “You would want that?” You asked hopefully, the thought of such a things making happiness blossom in your chest.

He didn’t say anything after that, but you could hear his smile of confirmation. But this idea of children made you giggle, so you peeked up at him through your lashes.

He was beautiful. He reminded you of the statues that were carved from marble, decorated with gold and silver that screamed of regality.

“You’re beautiful,” you murmured, a lock of your hair falling onto your shoulder. You scooted up, peppering kisses up his neck and to his lips, hovering as he looked contently in your eyes. “You’re beautiful,” you repeated, pressing kisses on his lips.

“Hardly,” he replied when you paused your motives, “Nothing rivals you.” He grasped your shoulders, flipping the two of you so that he was above you now, and you let him have you wholly.

Loki had torn his eyes away from you, and you noticed the way his face darkened. He made a move to stride forward, but you grabbed at his arm. “Don’t you dare.” You demanded shakily, the tears you were keeping at bay falling freely, “Don’t you dare think about doing it.”

Then the Titan spoke, his words reverberating through your body, each words sending waves of goose flesh on your skin, as he commanded beings you could not see from your vantage point. “There are two more stones on Earth. Bring them to me, my children.”

Shivers ran down your spine, and Loki came to you once more. His face was stoic, and he leaned forward to press a kiss to the crown of your head. “I’ve never meant to hurt you,” he whispered in your ear. “We will see each other again.”

“You’re alive.” You spoke soberly, pushing back your hood. “Why didn’t you…” you paused, your chest was puffing as you looked at him with hurt, “Why didn’t you at least send word that you were alive? If you did not want me, that’s one thing. I would be able to live with that.” Your voice was calm, “But you blatantly lying about your death,” you hissed, “is something far different, Loki.”

Your hands were shaking, and you bore your eyes into him, as he did you. He sat silently, watching you intently.

“Well?” You shrieked, “Aren’t you going to say something? An explanation for this madness? Loki you have killed-”

“Don’t you think I know what I’ve done?” He finally snapped, standing to glower down at you, the only thing separating the two of you was the invisible parameter, “I don’t need to explain myself to you.”

You clenched your jaw as you continued your stare-off. “I mourned for you. Everyday. There hasn’t been a single day that went by that I did not think of you.” Holding your tears at bay, you dropped the angry facade, tilting your head up, allowing all the emotions you’ve been bottling inside to escape. “I am so incredibly hurt,” you spoke slowly, hoping that by doing so he would understand, “by you.”

He had moved too quickly for you, walking from where you both were hidden and into the limelight of attention. Your mind wasn’t thinking correctly, for you were still processing what he had told you.

Loki perked up, moving your hands to the side as he walked to stand in front of Thanos. “If you’re going to Earth, then you will need a guide. I am, after all, familiar in that department,” he smiled charmingly, opening his hands upward to invoke a sense of trust, “I do have experience.”

“You call failure experience?” You heard Thanos counter.

“I call experience experience.”

Perhaps impulsiveness was in the air, perhaps you had breathed in too many fumes, because you moved forward, stepping over dead bodies and scraps of rubble.

Thor was encased in metal, his yells and protests muffled, the image reminding you of a dog being tied up.

Three figures watched you, and the tall thin one you had yet to notice held a hand up at his siblings.

“A survivor,” the woman said in a mocking tone.

Loki whipped around to lock eyes with you, and you begged him with yours, your throat tight.

You chin quivered as you looked up at your only source of comfort. His green eyes didn’t allow any emotion to show, but deep down you knew that he must have been fighting the urge to come to you because you saw his arm twitch.

But it didn’t go unnoticed.

“He cares for her,” the thin man spoke in a snively manner, “and she him.”

You closed your eyes and hung your head. Of course Loki would not have wanted to reach out to you. It would give both you and him away.

“Please,” you whimpered once more, tiredness seeping into your bones and you forced yourself to make eye contact with Thanos, “Please just leave them alone.”

“Do not fret, little one. For you will be a child of Thanos.”

“Almighty Thanos!” Loki turned right back around, breathing deeply, took a peek at Thor and then kneeled. “I, Loki, Prince of Asgard…”

It felt wrong. This whole situation, and you could feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand, watching as he took a deep breath, and your first instinct was to go to him. But you were being held back. You squirmed in the hold, your eyes wide as you watched Loki say something, but it fell deaf on yours, your heart hammered, the blood in your veins running cold as you watched your impulsive lover.

Dread filled your being as the events unfolded in front of you, slowly, heart wrenching, and painful.

You watched him being lifted in the air, watched how he struggled to breathe. Your mind was faltering, and it felt like you were being winded.

Screams tore at your throat as you thrashed to try to move forward, to do anything to make the Titan stop.

“Loki!” You were so young, no more than the age of ten-

The memory surged forward, gripping you tightly, almost mockingly, for making you think that perhaps this was but an illusion, that the small part of your brain secretly hoped that this was only a nightmare.

“Loki!” You called from the gardens, watching as the boy lept into the branches of the tree, “Please be careful!” You were covering your face with your hands, your eyes peeking out from your fingers and flinching each time as he wavered and nearly lost balance. “Oh! Please come back down! I could go get an apple from the kitchens!”

The prince laughed, his eyes glimmering with mischief, “You doubt my stealth.”

You flinched once more, watching as he hung on the thick arm of the apple tree. “No, never that my prince. I’m more worried that you’ll fall and break your neck. Loki, please-”

“Got it!” You heard him say, the green leaves blocking him from your sight.

“Then please come back down!” You practically begged, trying to see if you could meet the boys eyes to persuade him to do so.

You heard a few grunts, and then a terrified squeal left you when you heard the branch snap. He had fallen, and you painfully watched as his pale body cut through the air and to the floor, nearly right at your feet.

“My prince!” You exclaimed in horror when his body hit the ground with a thud.

He groaned, his face puckered with pain and his nose wrinkled in annoyance. However, when he opened his green eyes, the mischief was back once again. He gave you a boyish smile, and held out the bright red apple you had pointed out to him moments before. “Told you I would get it for you.”

“Please!” You exclaimed, clawing at the arms that held you, “Please stop it!”

Loki struggled in Thanos’s grasp, his face turning purple, he turned to peek at you, the veins popping out on his forehead due to the lack of oxygen, “Thanos please! I will do anything- let him go! I beg of you!”

Your own voice was echoing in your mind, “No, never that my prince. I’m more worried that you’ll fall and break your neck. Loki, please-”

You were hysterical, your entire body shaking as you watched Loki utter something.

And then-

Snap

Loki’s struggles ceased. His whole body fell limp.

A blood curdling scream tore from you and Thanos threw him aside like a rag doll.

You felt nauseous, the mind numbing sensation you felt made you focus solely on his blue face; and his eyes, by the Norns, were staring at you, lifeless and glassy, staring past you.

You hardly felt the metal press through you, you hardly felt the gaping wound, the only thing you felt was the hole in your chest, the feeling of suffocation pressing down on you. It was then you decided that this was the worst pain that you’ve ever felt.

A pulse hit the ship, and Thor was released, Thanos and the others left, leaving the energy from the power stone to eat at the ship.

When had they finally released you? It didn’t matter. You clawed your way to the princes, your mouth agape, oblivious to the decaying vessel.

“No,” you moaned, taking Loki’s face into your hands, “Thor,” you cried, “bring him back. Bring him back to me-” You were withering away. This you could feel. Your dizziness caused you to fall on top of him, leaving behind streaks of blood on his armor. “Thor,” you shakily called out, “Thor promise me,” you murmured into Loki’s neck, “Promise me that you’ll kill him.”

You held on his armor, gripping at it to keep him close to you, you kissed his jaw as you’ve done so centuries past. The tears that fell from your eyes fell unto his discolored skin, and soon enough the foundation beneath you deteriorated away.

You sighed, leaning against the man beside you, “I’ve always wanted to see the beaches,” you murmured, playing with his long fingers, feeling the warm sun shine on your skin, “and I’ve always wanted a little cottage somewhere quiet.”

“I will give you that and more.”

You smiled at him, letting out a breathy laugh, “I want nothing from you other than you.”

There was a twinkle in his eye, and he was content with your reply, “And I you.”

You leaned in to kiss him, tenderly, relishing in the way his soft lips pressed against yours. “I love you,” your voice rung in the meadow, almost like bells.

He smiled, leaned his forehead against yours, and repeated his words, more passionately this time, “And I you.”

Your vision became cloudy, and you shut your eyes, feeling the warm leather under your fingers- a reminder that he was by you.

Such an ineffable way it was to describe the pain in your heart.

Part 2

Masterlist

[pinkpeccary]

coping music recs

so i have been having a Sad Time lately and channeled those feelings into making a list of music i use to cope, which i figured i’d share in case anyone else wants it. these are some of my favorite musics, but some of them have potential triggers in them so be careful. (also if you’re concerned about triggers for them you can message me and i can detail more)

(tw: suicide, self harm, eating disorder, i think that covers it but lmk if it doesn’t)

Daughter - good for trauma feels. i like her for strong vibes of “i am hurt, i am damaged, i am broken”. some of my faves are:

Human (underneath this skin there’s a human / buried deep within there’s a human / despite everything i’m still human)

Landfill (and this is dangerous / cause i want you so much / but i hate your guts)

Youth (and if you’re still breathing, you’re the lucky ones / cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs)

Still (two feet standing on a principle / two hands longing for each other’s warmth / cold smoke seeping out of colder throats / darkness falling there’s nowhere to go)

Candles (blow out all the candles, blow out all the candles / you’re too old to be so shy / he said to me, so i stay the night)

Mother Mother - also good for trauma feels and just all around badfeels. wide variety of songs that cover many many aspects of mental illness, from depression to dissociation to eating disorders to dysphoria to suicide to etc etc etc. some faves:

Monkey Tree (i never went to your school / i learned in a monkey tree / so come into the jungle / where the drugs and the drinks are free)

Ghosting (you don’t need tricks and you don’t need treats / you don’t need tricks / you don’t need no Halloween / you don’t need tricks / you don’t need treats / and you don’t need me)

Little Pistol (i found brimstone in my garden / i found roses set on fire / and i found Jesus / what a liar / so i trade licks with the muddy waters)

The Stand (tell me your fears / okay it’s everyone here / you mean just all of the people / yeah and all of their peers)

O My Heart (and i throw my heart into the fi-ire / cause i want to set my heart on fi-ire / and i watch it try befriending embers / but the ice don’t melt in mid-December)

Body (take my hands, they’ll understand / take my heart, pull it apart / and take my brain, or what remains / and throw it all away)

Happy (ask me if i’m happy / what does it mean? / i’ll tell you that i am if you tell me i’m dreaming)

All Gone (i take a hammer and i break my legs / i break them for the better / the two of them were always walking me / into the stormy weather)

Arms Tonite (and hey, you / don’t you think it’s kinda cute / that i, died / right inside your arms tonight?)

I Go Hungry (i got a date on Friday / not gonna eat anything til then / i’m gonna look so skinny / she’ll wanna feel my bones against her skin)

ROAR - only has about 10 songs. hard to find if you don’t know the names of songs bc the generic band name, but good. interesting music bc it doesn’t have much repetition within the song, which is cool. kinda more like poetry. some faves:

Flightless Bird (means that never reach an end / that’s what you get for living in your head / you breathe 3 AM breath / and tell yourself that this is for the best)

The Comfort of a Laugh Track (why is it so hard to speak / to people, i don’t know / is it something that you learn / when constantly alone / when did i become a man / trapped inside a ghost?)

I Can’t Handle Change (nothing i do is ever good / nothing i do is ever good enough)

The Mountain Goats - i have a hard time describing what it is about them that i like so much. i’d guess it has to do with a general vibe of mistrust for the world, but like i’m gonna keep going because fuck you. also cause they’re fun, even when they’re serious. idk. some faves:

This Year (i am gonna make it through this year if it kills me / i am gonna make it through this year if it kills me)

No Children (i am drowning / there is no sign of land / you are coming down with me / hand in unlovable hand / and i hope you die / i hope we both die)

Pink and Blue (and what will i do with you? / pink and blue / true gold / nine days old)

Get Lonely (and i will find a crowd / and blend in for a minute / and i will try to find / a little comfort in it / and i will get lonely / and gasp for air)

The Fall of the Star High School Runningback (but selling acid was a bad idea / and selling it to a cop was a worse one / and new laws said that seventeen-year-olds could do federal time / you were the first one)

The Best Ever Death Metal Band out of Denton (if you punish a person for dreaming his dreams / don’t expect him to thank or forgive you)

Goo Goo Dolls - tbh a lot of this is nostalgia (although i didn’t grow up with them, the music style has that feel to it). i do think they’re good for coping in the sense that they feel protective, like being wrapped in a blanket. some faves:

Acoustic #3 (and you wonder where these dreams go / cause the world got in your way / what’s the point in all this screaming / no one’s listening anyway)

Iris (and you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming / or the moment of truth in your lies / when everything feels like the movies / yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive)

Name (scars are souvenirs you never lose / the past is never far / and did you find yourself somewhere out there? / did you get to be a star? / don’t it make you sad to know that life / is more than who we are?)

Sympathy (and stranger than your sympathy / i take these things so i don’t feel / i’m killing myself from the inside out / and now my heads been filled with doubt)

Other Songs - these are all things i’ve found individually, idk about the artists in general but these ones are good

Island of the Misfit Boy - Front Porch Step (i stand in front of the mirror and look at myself / and i don’t make a sound but my eyes scream out help / and i start to struggle to hold myself back / from thrusting my head straight through the fucking glass)

Sarcasm - Get Scared (don’t mind us we’re just spilling our guts / if this is love i don’t wanna be loved / you pollute the room with your filthy tongue / watch me choke it down so i can throw it up)

This is the Best - Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker (i was feeling so inspired / by the state of my own execution / drop me cause i can’t let go)

Fallen Leaves - Billy Talent (in a crooked little town / they were lost and never found / fallen leaves, fallen leaves / fallen leaves on the ground)

Dead Hearts - Stars (i could say it but you won’t believe me / you say you do but you don’t deceive me / dead hearts are everywhere)

Girl With No Name - Jules Larson (i draw the blurriest lines / i never promised to stay / i am the girl with no name)

Into the Ocean - Blue October (let the waves up and take me down / let the hurricane set in motion / let the rain of what i feel right now come down)

Not Your Kind of People - Garbage (we are not your kind of people / speak a different language / we see through your lies)

[vivilartista]

Fluff :3c

AAAAAAA I managed to write a short and fluffy story about Drishti and Suzette!!! Hope you all like!! (I’m out of practice tbh ;;w;;)

The sky was dark outside her window, bits of stars shimmering distantly. With the cool night air slipping inside the room, dim and with no lamplight in sight, everything seemed to feel serene with the moon watching under them. The atmosphere was quiet except for the distant chirping of the crickets just outside, and the sounds of a girl whimpering muffledly, as if her face was stuffed in someone’s shirt.

“Drishti…” A voice cooed, a worried note in her voice. A girl of slender stature, her glasses flashing against the moonlight and her bangs tucked behind her ears, was plopped on the bed just beside the window, clutched in a shaky and tight embrace. A girl with curly hair cascading just below her waist hid her face on her friend’s chest, sobbing weakly as if her energy had been completely drained. In concern, the warm brown eyes of the slender girl continued to stroke her curls, a faint blush spread across her face.

“S-Suzette…” her friend whimpered, her embrace tightening as her sobs barely rose in volume.

Suzette’s eyes widened in worry as she heard her friend’s sobs grow louder, her breathing getting shakier in her apprehensiveness.

“W-What is it, D-Drishti?” her voice heightened slightly in pitch.

Drishti wiped her eye on Suzette’s sweater and glanced up at her, only for tears to start to roll down her face again. Her eye was red from crying, her face was stained with dried tears and her face was flushed a darker blue against her skin, her eyebrows crinkled and her hair messy after having been buried in Suzette’s sweater for so long. In her embrace, Suzette could feel her trembling and her shoulders rising in tension as she pressed her lips together, containing anymore sobs from erupting from her mouth.

“P-please stay with m-me,” her voice cracked, laying her dried cheek upon Suzette’s chest, “I-I don’t want to b-be alone...”

At the sound of her pleading, strained voice trying hard not to burst, Suzette’s eyebrows loosened, her cheeks flushing a faint red as she let out a soft smile. Letting out a soft and happy sigh, she returned to stroking Drishti’s long and thick curls, her hair tickling her fingers as she curled it around her fingers.

“Of course I will!” Suzette replied softly, a pleased tone to her voice, “I would do anything for you, you mean so much to me!”

Glancing once again up at Suzette, Drishti’s eye widened, her sniffling having gotten quieter but her eye still glimmering with tears. Her cheeks flushed a dark blue, her eyebrows loosening from their tension and her eye softening the longer she looked at Suzette.

“I...I do?”

Still smiling, she glanced at Drishti, her cheeks flushing a darker shade of red. She placed both of her hands on Drishti’s shoulders, Drishti’s clutch on Suzette loosening slowly as she stared up at her.

“Yes! You really do!”

In surprise, Drishti’s eye widened even more, her eyebrows raised and her blush a fainter shade than it was before. Immediately a wide smile spread across her face, the life returning to her eye and her blush returning. Her eye was filled with millions of sparkling stars as she continued to stare at Suzette, taking in a sharp breath in her happiness.

“Aaaaah!!”

In glee, she squealed and wrapped her arms around Suzette again, clashing against her. In her embrace, she toppled Suzette along with herself to the cushions of her bed, the soft crash landing causing Suzette to exhale sharply. Burying her face on the crook of her neck, tangles of  voluminous, dark hair brushed by Suzette’s face, tickling her face a bit as Drishti snuggled her in her embrace. Her heavy breathing tickled against her neck and her shoulders heaved as she hugged her, her warmth all around her body as if it were her circulation.

“I love you!!!” she exclaimed, suddenly breaking into a fit of giggles, “I love you so so much!!!”

At Drishti’s excitement and affection, all the blood ran up to Suzette’s cheeks. Her face flared a bright red, sweat drops dripped down her forehead, and her body enveloped with clothes grew hot, as if she had just made contact with the sun. Drishti continued to giggle, her hair nuzzling against Suzette’s face, and kicking excitedly as if she were a small child.

“God, why is she so cute?!” Suzette’s voice rang in her own head, her heart thundering against her chest.

For a moment Drishti stopped giggling, her warm and heavy breathing tickling Suzette’s neck with an occasional giggle or two. Lifting her head slightly from the crook of her neck, Drishti glanced at her left, laying her cheek against Suzette’s hammering heart.

“S-S-SHE CAN HEAR MY H-HEARTBEAT!” Suzette’s internal voice screamed in panic, “I-I DON’T WANT TO MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF AND TELL HER I’M IN LO--”

“Aah,” Drishti sighed, “you...you have a nice heartbeat, Suzette!”

Drishti snuggled closer to her chest, her heavy breathing at ease and her giggling ceased. She remained with a wide smile on her face, listening to her friend’s heartbeat, her shoulders now heaving steadily.

“It’s getting really warm, too,” Drishti’s voice softened, “I don’t want to let go of you, I’ll get cold…”

Suddenly her eye drooped, causing her head to jerk forward and back. She wrapped her arms tighter around Suzette, gradually for their embrace to grow warmer, her lower body now completely still. For a few moments Drishti’s shoulders rose and went back down, warmth radiating off her against Suzette, breathing deeply as she lay there, with her eye closed and her cheeks flushed.

At how relaxed Drishti was, the tension in Suzette’s shoulders diminished completely, her heartbeat growing calmer by the moment. Looking down at Drishti laying on her chest, she exhaled sharply, a ghost of a smile on her face as she saw her. Her flaring blush grew fainter and cooler, the refreshing night air brushing past her face. She plopped her delicate hand upon Drishti’s back, rising and falling along with her shoulders, and her heart beat calmly in the serenity of it all.

Suddenly, she heard a quiet, sharp intake of breath, her loud breathing stopping as her eye slightly opened.

“Oh dear…” Drishti mumbled, “did I fall asleep?”

Suzette glanced down at her, not hiding her desire to smile as she watched her eye grow heavy with sleep again. A rush of affection rushed throughout her body, her heart fluttering happily against her chest and her cheeks flushing a bright pink.

She yawned, nuzzling her cheek against Suzette’s chest, and closed her eye without struggling anymore.

“How nice…”

Her shoulders went back to rising and falling deeply and steadily, her cheek just against Suzette’s beating heart, her face at last relaxed. Drool trailed down the corner of her mouth and stained Suzette’s sweater, the room eventually filled by the sound of her soft snoring.

Glancing down at the sleeping Drishti, Suzette kissed her fingers and pressed it on Drishti’s cheek, smiling in affection at her as she slept.

“I’ll make sure to cook you some breakfast tomorrow.”

[shakeurspeare]

hi i feel really dumb about dating and it’s making me pretty sad but also I found someone who feels the same and we’re probs gonna drink about it this weekend so that’s nice to look forward to 

so like. in middle school my logic was that I feel equally attracted to guys as to girls so obviously I’m bi, right?? bc when i thought about it at the time like I could definitely see myself being close to girls and guys were just this mystery group but like sometimes i got crushes i think so that made the most sense

and then in high school i realized that the reason i’m equally attracted to guys and girls is that i’m actually not attracted to either haha whoops and i haven’t actually wanted to date any specific guys since like early elementary school (and does that really even count???) so i guess I’m ace and homoromantic bc that makes the most sense

so then i get to college and a couple people have asked me out in the past few years but mostly I avoid people who might make a move or like... act differently until I’m positive they don’t wanna ask me out anymore. and that’s fine. I don’t have time to figure out my issues with vulnerability and why the thought of sex freaks me out like nothing else. I have friends and i’m not too lonely and things are fine

but THEN last year i met this guy at band camp. literally within the week i was determined that this kid is gonna be my friend, god dammit. He’s kinda quiet, kinda solemn, but sarcastic and funny and really nice and willing to do a lot for everyone, including strangers and people who have done him wrong. he’s into magic and dnd and overwatch and pro-gaming but he also is very aware of the issues within the communities and he’s very outspoken about all kinds of equality. basically, he’s a funny liberal nerd who has good fashion sense and cares a lot about other people. i’m going off on a tangent because i’m dumb and i don’t give myself many opportunities to gush about him

so we become friends (it’s slow-going, there’s a lot of times that i’m worried he’ll think I’m hitting on him or being creepy, a few times where i feel like i overstepped because i’m an anxious idiot who doesn’t actually know how to pursue a friendship that doesn’t come naturally and he naturally assumes that people don’t strongly want to be his friend) and by the end of the season we’re close enough that we’ve made a group of four to room together for a band trip.

last spring i realized that like... i really wouldn’t mind dating him. it’s just a small thought in the back of my head. the thought of sex still terrifies me, that’s still out of the question, but i like, want to hold his hand and be able to tell him he’s cute and i love when he dorks out and i love that he has all these random history and mechanical knowledge that makes its way into our conversations. but i’m also 1000% down to stay friends, in fact that’s preferable because I don’t know the first thing about being in a relationship, and it took so long to get to being friends that there’s no room in my mind to think that he would want to date. we also talk a lot about his dating life because he’s had some bad relationships in the past and he doesn’t think he’s good at it and it’s something that’s on his mind a lot. but he’s mentioned enough about his dating preferences that i have sincere doubts that he’d like me enough to get over his dislike of dating friends. so we’re fine, and I stop thinking about it

i sublet his apartment from him for the summer and we see each other probably two weeks total out of the summer break; sometimes he comes back to the apartment for events going on, i go to his hometown for a festival, we meet somewhere in the middle to see a dci show. but we’re texting every day, usually something near morning time and a decent conversation in the afternoon/evening and it’ll go into the night when (usually) i fall asleep in the middle of a conversation that i’ll respond to the next morning. rinse, recycle, repeat. i haven’t enjoyed texting someone so frequently, like, ever. near the end of the summer we talk on the phone a couple times, because he’s more stressed about things and he has like an hour and a half commute around the same time that i get out of lab and it’s a lot easier to call than for him to use talk-to-text. it’s nice.

band camp this year was super stressful. we’re both on staff so we spend a lot of the day separately handling things and getting to know people and doing what needs to be done, then we’d get (second) dinner after that and chat. he doesn’t feel like he can fill the previous section leader’s shoes. i’m optimistic and i believe that the staff are rough but manageable. we spend about ten days going to bed at 1 or 2, waking up at 6 or 7, and spending the rest of our time running around and playing music and getting to know 10 new members and welcoming back the other 20 members of the section. it’s tiring; we both got sick during it and tbh i don’t think either of us are 100% over it

i start spending a lot more time at the apartment, even though i have a job at my dorm. at some point i’m pretty sure i was sleeping over 3 or 4 nights a week. i would go a whole weekend without stepping foot in my dorm. we start getting more touchy. it’s small at first, but it gets to the point where we’ll do that hand touching thing that i really like, where we just put our hands together and fiddle with each other’s fingers (i don’t actually know what to call it, it’s just me fiddling and twitching but with the bonus of human contact) or he’ll give me a shoulder rub because i seem stressed. but also sometimes he’ll pull away suddenly or i’ll try to give him a shoulder rub and he’ll make a joke “you know how i feel about being touched” and he’ll move away. and i do know how he feels about being touched: it’s something that, other than some casual touches (a hand on the shoulder, that sort of thing), he only does with someone he’s dating. but also he’s initiating a lot of this, so maybe he’s branching out from that ideology? or maybe he’s interested in me? or maybe he just doesn’t know how to tell me that he’s super uncomfortable with me touching him and he really would like us to go back to not touching??? so i spend a few days stressing that i’m being a mega creep before he starts a convo about it and explains. us being touchy is nice but he feels like he’s trying to have his cake and eat it too because it’s something he’d only do with someone he’s dating and sometimes he does it and it’s like 30% unconscious and that wigs him out

so obviously the answer is that we (essentially) stop touching and that could be that but i’m dumb and i want to double check so i ask if it’s because he doesn’t want us to date and he says yeah, us dating really isn’t in his plan and sorry if that’s hurtful, and i could also leave it there but i’m like, a super masochist and i like being on the same page with people so i tell him that us dating has been a possibility on my mind and that i’d like to take a few days to like back off and firmly tell myself that we aren’t dating and we won’t be dating and to chill tf out, but i wanted to let him know that’s what i’m doing so i’m not like, backing out of being friends

and we’re both miserable for a week, bc when i try to go back to business as usual he’s acting weird and distant and my immediate assumption is that he decided that i am, in fact, a creep and he no longer wants to be friends with me but dammit, he could at least tell me that instead of looking sad and distant and not talking to me unless it’s band related

so i give him a couple days of that, and we do a campus scavenger hunt together because we had signed up for it before everything crashed on us and we were going to pretend everything is fine, god dammit, except it was awkward and he was sad the whole time and i was hurt and frustrated, but we won like 5th place or something so that was cool

and once the weekend’s over i text him something vaguely along the lines of “so are we still friends or nah” and he tells me he’s been isolating himself and he feels like everyone is better off without him and he needs to stop holding me back and nobody needs him so he should just let us all go. like he’s not suicidal but he’s depressed and bad at realizing people like him. so i go to the apartment and for the first time in like six months i knock on the door because i told him i was coming over but i also feel like he has a right to yell at me to go away through the door if that’s what he’s feeling

but he lets me in and he tells me he should just get out of my way because i don’t need him and i tell him that he’s right, i don’t need anyone. this isn’t about need. but i sure as hell enjoy having him as a friend and i’ve been miserable this past week when that was taken away from me, and he just told me he’s been miserable too, so why the fuck should we both be miserable when we could just stop being dumb and be friends again

but also now we’re both miserable (for external reasons, mostly) and i don’t want to stop hanging out so much because i feel like we both need it, but i also need to stop because it doesn’t seem to bother him but it sure as hell has me confused because i can’t stop thinking that we might as well be dating but if we were dating then i’d actually get to hug him and cuddle and tell him i love him

and i feel like he doesn’t really have other people to hang out with and i don’t really feel like i have that either and maybe that’s all the more reason for us to back off a little bit more but i don’t want to. i’m very weak and tired and i just want someone to hug me for 30 minutes and it’s not going to be him and i don’t think it’s going to be anyone rn so i’m just constantly sad and in need of a hug that will never come

i think i need to have another good sob session on someone but i’m fresh out of people that i’m comfortable doing that to, both in the sense that i don’t want to be vulnerable enough to cry on anyone and that the one person i would be willing to do that to is someone who doesn’t need to hear all about how i can’t get the fuck over him

[batmaniskpopaf]

Amnesia:

Psychogenic Amnesia: Stems from emotional shock or trauma 

Genre: Smut (Because I’m a slut for Kim Taehyung) /Angst (Bc I’m emo af) 

Members: Taehyung X Y/N

OKIE BUT I’VE BEEN AN EMOTIONAL PIECE OF SHIT AS OF LATE TBH….SO PLEASE ENJOY THIS BOMB ASS SMUT FEST OF FEELS ^.^ <3333 ALSO HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY TO MY ANGEL KIM TAEHYUNG <3333

The blistering cold nipped at my exposed skin as I made my way down the busy street… The city was alive and well…I just hoped and prayed that he was too … I didn’t know his name and he didn’t either… but something deep inside of me stirred every time our eyes met.. there was a special type of mystery that seemed to surround him… everything from the gleam of his chestnut eyes when he smiled… to his brown hair which seemed to capture the night light… I wondered what he would look like bathed in the day light that poured through  my second story walk up… his toned chest rising softy… and soft snores spilling from his petal soft lips… I was too consumed in my own thoughts to notice him fall into step with me… “Penny for your thoughts?” he chimes pulling me from my internal monologue… “Hu?” I ask momentarily dazed by his handsome face… “Is something wrong?” he asks… “Of course not” I say forcing a smile onto my lips… “Well that’s good because I have good news” he informs me… “Did you get your memory?” I ask… anxiety and jealousy blossom in my chest at the thought of loosing him… although he was never mine to find the idea of him holding someone other than me close and whispering sinful confessions into their ear makes the bile rise in my throat…. My selfishness and arousal keep my rooted to the ground… our skin is only centimeters away and I can feel his body heat radiating through my cold chilled bones… I look into his eyes in search of an answer… but there is no indication that he remembers… I wait for him to continue…praying to every deity out there for mercy…  

“I remembered my name!” he states matter of factly … I breath a sigh of relief… “Well what is it ?” I ask my own curiosity peaked… “My name is Taehyung” he says… “Well it’s nice to meet you Taehyung” I say stretching my hand out to him as if it’s the first time we’ve met… “The pleasure is all mine” he coos taking my hand in his and pulling me close… “Now what do you say we celebrate this little accomplishment?” he asks suggestively… I nod and connect my lips to his… the kiss starts off gentle but grows hungry … “Your place or mine?” he asks once we pull away… “Mine’s closer” I say  grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the large brick building at the end of the street… Taehyung is a rare case… when we first met he could tell me where he lived but he couldn’t tell me his own name… the problem was that this was a reoccurring thing… Every time I saw Taehyung he would share this “new” piece of information with me… I would smile and play along and then we would  Celebrate his accomplishment… I’ve thought about the possibility of him pretending to be an amnesiac just to get in my pants… but that seems to far fetched seeing as he doesn’t seem like a good actor… However the case… I have an itch only he can scratch and every time I see him the ache in my heart is over powered by the heat between my legs … the primal lust I have for him is the reason I can’t bring myself to confess the truth… our bodies are meant for one another and I can almost feel his own arousal growing… I’m whisked away in thoughts of our previous encounters… our riving bodies consuming one another and pushing us towards a euphoric bliss… 

I should tell him the truth… I should tell him that his name is Taehyung or at least he’s convinced it is… I should tell him he lost is memory this fall after a car accident and that he needs to get in touch with his family….he needs to get in touch with her… At least that’s what I’ve managed to collect from the news paper clippings I keep tugged in my binder… I tell myself there is only a small possibility that it’s him to calm my own conscious …But deep down I know it’s true…. he’s around the same age as the boy in the missing ad but he never seems to remember more than his name and address… However much I want to tell him… I can’t bring myself to do it… it’s only been a month and I figure sooner or later they’ll find him and bring him to his family home… But for now I’m selfish and I want to have him all to myself again and again…. As we reach the entry way of my apartment I’m dragged from my thoughts by his rough hands kneading my clad covered body… his deft fingers undoing the buttons as his soft lips nip along my jaw line… I squirm under his expert touch and palm him through his jeans… Taehyung let’s out a soft moan and I can feel my insides churning… I bite my lip and continue to prod his hardness… Once the elevator comes to a halt I grab his hand and run through the door and towards my flat… he continues to toy with my clothes… removing my coat and unzipping my sweater before we even make it into the door….I walk in… Taehyung clinging to my back like a child… His hands circle my waist and he turns me around… I circle my arms around his neck… Taehyung gropes my bum pulling my flush against him… I kiss his lips trying to pull him somehow closer to me…somehow close enough to show him how my heart beats only for him… But I settle with kissing him deeply… pouring all of my adoration and lust for him into this simple action…

My lower muscles clench at the feel of his lips on mine… I make myself busy with removing his jacket and zip up hoodie all at once without breaking our kiss…He raises his hands above his head and I break our precious contact for a second to remove his t-shirt…. My eyes take in every inch of him … even in the eerie light of my apartment his skin seems to glow…his dark hair is lustrous…but not as dark as his eyes.. they seem to glow with an almost predatory sheen … “It’s a full moon tonight” he whispers into my neck … his nose tracing along my skin giving me goose flesh.. “Hmm?” I reply placing kisses along his bare shoulders and sucking on his collarbones…His skin taste like honey and I’m punch drunk… Taehyung sighs and presses his body flush against mine… I mewl at the friction this brings… the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention as he plays with the fringe of my sweater before removing the heavy garment… next to go is my undershirt and bra… the room temperature makes my perk buds stand to attention… Taehyung’s warm mouth encasing them and giving a harsh suck… I moan lightly… he’s all fingers and thumbs working my jeans and underwear tugging both garments off at once and letting them pool around my feet…. he places open mouthed kisses down my torso and nips on my hip bones… I can feel myself dripping in anticipation… the urge to be touched and the desperation to cum around him making me bold… I knot my fingers into his hair and raise my pelvis to meet his plush lips… Taehyung smirks… “Someone’s eager” he teases before licking a gentle stripe along my slit… I whimper already feeling my release start to build at his light ministrations  …Taehyung’s wet muscle claiming sex as his… his plush lips sucking on the delicate nub…my hips begin to grind against his mouth at  their own accord … I can feel myself teetering on the edge… his skillful tongue touching every sensitive crevice…. “I–I-I Need You!” I manage to get out… my lips tremble and my body feels wound tight and ready to snap… 

Taehyung is laps at my wetness and continues to torture my cunt… his small purrs sending vibrations throughout my lower body… I cling to him for sanity…  hot tears are stinging at the back of my eyes … the pressure is beginning to build and I feel myself almost dry heaving out of desperation…”Taehyung” I cry out…my prays are answered… Taehyung removes his shoes, pants and boxers in record speed… his cock stands at attention… the tip glowing cherry red… I lick my lips involuntarily …Taehyung’s eyes are locked on mine as he pumps his lenght thrice… I walk forward and wrap my hands around his neck… he lifts my and I wrap my legs around him… his head at my entrance… I moan at the friction that blossoms between our bodies as he walks us towards the bedroom… Taehyung throws me on the bed gently and crawls up in between my legs… I hold my breath as he enters me in one swift motion… we let out a guttural moan in unison as he begins to rock his hips into me… our lips connected once more…  the feeling of him burred deep within me makes my toes curl as his tongue rams into my mouth at the same tempo as his thrusts…. absorbing every moan and screech of ecstasy that my body omits… I grip onto his broad shoulders clinging to him for sanity… the heat between our bodies dulling the ache I feel at the pit of my stomach… It’s hard to tell where my body ends and his begins… our flesh becoming one… Taehyung’s soft grunts fill my ears as he continues to penetrate me… his lenght twitching inside of my slickness… I clench around his girth in hopes to push him over the edge with me …his skillful thrusts keep me teetering but never falling…I cry out… my skin feels like it’s about to fall off of my bones…but I savoir the feel our bodies moving in unison…. reveling in the feel of our slick sweaty bodies slapping against one another… our sighs and whines pushing us in search of or own highs… the feel of him inside of me feels so right… 

my mind is too clouded by the hot pleasure that dances behind my closed lids to think about the pang of guilt that nips at my heart… “I-I’m close Tae” I scream out… “Taehyung bites his lips and bucks into me at a faster pace… his hips bucking at an animistic rhythm… the sudden roughness is enough to push me over the void…I cum around his cock …letting go over any reservation and guilt for at least one moment…the euphoria is short lived… but those few seconds are enough to have my heart racing and my skin crawling with warmth… Taehyung follows close behind reaching his own release and collapsing onto my chest for a few seconds before pulling out of me and rolling onto the mattress… we lay there… both sedated and basking in our post sex bliss… the heat between my legs is placated by the hot seed that drips down my thighs… Taehyung sighs before rising to his feet and running to the bathroom… he returns quickly with a towel and cleans me… my cheeks flush at his feather like touches… “There” he says smiling to himself and then at me…our bodies feel well used and sleep comes naturally… our lids drooping and our limbs intertwining in the most unceremonious way…the darkness engulfs me once more… my heart hammers in my chest and I feel the air leaving my lungs… I wake with a start and turn to my right expecting to see darkness… my heart skips a beat when I recognize Tae’s sleeping form beside me … his legs are almost intertwined with my own and his hands are stretched out to me … I scoot closer in search of affection… Taehyung’s eager arms pull me close… his hands rest on my lower back and his chin finds it’s place on my chest… he’s wrapped around me like a graceful snake… 

The sunlight pours through the windows and engulfs the room in an almost angelic glow… but there is no angle sleeping beside me when I reach out… All I feel is the cold cotton sheets … I open one eye in hopes that it was all a dream and maybe he’s sleeping beside me and I just didn’t reach far enough… But any further and I would be dangling over the edge of the queen mattress… I sigh… my own monotone voice resonates off of the empty bedroom walls… The next night when I walk home from school he falls into step with me once more… and introduces himself as Taehyung … we rush to my apartment intertwined in one another…Despite my best efforts the smallest glimmer of hope that he might stay the whole night blossoms in my chest… But as expected I’m greeted by the cold sheets… I sigh once more… but this time something feels off …The empty apartment seems emptier still… I pad over to the nigh stand and reach for my hair brush… My eyes almost fly out of my skull at the sight of Taehyung’s stoic figure sitting on my balcony…his skin is flushed from the morning cold and he looks to be lost in his own world… I watch him… his shoulders are hunched and there are fresh tears on his handsome face… I can feel my stomach drop… “Oh shit” I whisper… he seems to hear me because he turns and our eyes meet… there is no need for words … his eyes are brimming with hot tears and fresh hatred… It’s not hatred for me for which I am thankful… it’s hatred for himself… hatred for his weakness and the act of betrayal …I can feel my heart breaking… the hot tears cascade down my cheeks… if only I could remember the reason for the sadness I feel deep in my bones and the name of the man staring at me through the window…. 

OKIE BUT CONSIDERING I WROTE THIS AT 5 IN THE MORNING BEFORE GOING TO WORK …I LIKE THIS V MUCH … 

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU ENJOYED THIS / ANY COMMENTS OR QUESTIONS ARE WELCOME <3333