#tbz angst

[sohnric]

paris – l. juyeon

pairing: lee juyeon x fem! reader

genre: exchange student! juyeon in paris (ft. his erasmus friends). friends to ???, angst, fluff. actually, the genre is longing. halloween party au but the halloween part plays like,, 0 part in the fic, basically. idk the paris pics did something to me he is so european coded. paris by the 1975 without the drugs in a fic, essentially

warnings: cheating from yn's side, swearing, alcohol, smoking. the reader is canonically french im sorry 💀

word count: 6k

There’s quite a few reasons why Juyeon never told his friends from home about you- the girl he met on his student exchange trip. Some were the cause of Juyeon’s insecurities in himself, some the cause of your relationship status, all the cause of his unrequited love and the way you broke his heart, making Juyeon’s whole memory of Paris a bit hazy and bittersweet and the leave, paradoxically, that much harder. But still– and maybe you’re the reason for it– oh, how he’d love to go to Paris again.

a/n: do NOT cancel me for being a casual matty healy enjoyer i am a 2014 tumblr girlie at heart

“And where are my gifts? Where are the souvenirs?” Hyunjae calls after the boy that’s still kind of jet lagged from the flight (even though it’s been 3 days since his landing and he slept the whole day after his brother picked him up from the airport), the latter looking at him with tired eyes. 

“That’s all you want from me after not seeing me for 6 months?”

“Yes. Where’s my baguette?” Hyunjae glares, making the younger boy whine at the request.

“I didn’t know you wanted a hard rock baguette from me. If I had known, I would’ve taken one with me and smashed it against your head the moment I arrived here.”

“Well, if it’s authentic,” Hyunjae shrugs, laughing. “I’m just joking… I know we’ve been calling and texting like, every other day, but let me ask again. How was it?”

Juyeon finally smiles at his friend’s question. This is what one expects after coming home from studying abroad for 10 months– not a souvenir request. And trust me, Juyeon did bring gifts, out of the warmth of his own heart, but after being asked for them, he kind of doesn’t want to play Santa anymore. Kind of like when you decide to wash the dishes, but your mum tells you to do it at the same time of your decision– the motivation fades away the mere second you’re requested to do the thing.

“Well, it was good,” he shrugs, “it was… something,” Juyeon says– because how does one fit 10 months of their life into a few sentences without stammering– and before he gets a chance to say anything, Hyunjae catches him off guard with another inquiry.

“Is it true, by the way? Are European girls really prettier?” he grins, wiggling his eyebrows at the boy as if to suggest something– but all it does is make Juyeon shrug, acting not really bothered with the question. 

“Dunno,” he hums, “I think it’s equal to here.”

“So you’re telling me you went 10 months without getting laid in France?” Hyunjae gasps, making Juyeon furrow his brows in utter disbelief.

“When did I say that? Or anything that would even suggest that?” 

Now, this was a trap. Juyeon is too gullible. See, Juyeon was pretty transparent with everything during his calls with Hyunjae back when he was in Paris. He told his friends back home all about the European food, the rock-hard french baguettes, the weird looks and annoyed sighs he got when speaking English to the clarks in the shops, the cold showers in his accommodation and the pretty park in front of his university building. They also know all about his friends from Paris– the international students he met in his course like Shotaro from Japan, Bence from Hungary and Marco from Italy– but when the question of girls came around, specifically in the romantic light of things, Juyeon went awfully quiet. You can’t blame Hyunjae for getting into suspicions.

“So you did?” Hyunjae gasps, grasping at the straws.

Juyeon sighs, reaching for his bag. His awfully big hand slips inside of the black backpack, fingers touching various things before he brings out a bunch of gifts: a keychain with the Eiffel tower, some magnets, postcards, a fashionable beret he found in one of the souvenir stores but never saw anyone actually wear in the whole 10 months in the streets of Paris, some perfume and high quality chocolate. Hyunjae’s eyes go wide, making satisfaction swim through Juyeon’s veins at the sight– he managed to deflect the attack.

Sometimes, having materialistic friends is a plus.

As he watches Hyunjae touch all the things on the table, fingers trailing over metal and the shiny wrapping of the dark chocolate with an acknowledging nod, Juyeon takes out another thing out of his bag– his digital camera that he brought along for the ride. He sent his friends a lot of pictures when he was in Paris, and he also posted quite a few on Instagram for everyone to see, but the camera held more memories and more moments than anyone’s ever seen before– it’s a source of treasure for himself as well, but he figures it wouldn’t hurt to share a glimpse with his best friend.

“Wanna see? I took tons of pictures, but you can look through only the interesting ones, if you want to,” Juyeon hums, offering the camera to the male, the display already shining at him from the gallery, small icons of all pictures on the SD card in a 3x3 row on the small thing. 

A few pictures of the town are on preview right now, but if you scroll through the gallery, moments of his friend Marco’s birthday party that his friends threw for him, or the snapshots of his friend’s faces come into sight– Juyeon’s sure Hyunjae’s eager to see how all of the people he’s been talking to him about look like.

Hyunjae nods, taking the camera from him and squinting at the little icons. His fingers move along the touch screen and scroll through the gallery, eyes zooming on the interesting ones and grinning as he shows them to Juyeon, awaiting the backstory of a certain image. 

Everything goes well, until Hyunjae gets to the latest pictures on the SD card– well, apart from the ones Juyeon took from the window on his flight home. And Juyeon really doesn’t know what he was thinking, but hey– sometimes he doesn’t think things through as much as he should– and that’s why when a particular photo comes into his best friend’s sight, turning the camera towards Juyeon with a shiteating grin on his face, the question ‘Who’s that?’ makes the poor boy a bit shaken.

His tall figure, standing alongside someone shorter– you, in your vampire costume, fake blood running down the side of your mouth, a hand thrown over his shoulders and your side pressed into his a bit too close as he stares down onto you with an obviously star-struck face, suit covering his body in a poor attempt at Joker’s costume– the moment stares back at him like a haunted memory.

He clears his throat. “That’s… that’s just Y/N.”

Hyunjae hums, having a staring contest with the picture on the screen. The date on the bottom reads 31/10/23, the last day of Juyeon’s stay before he had to go home. “How come I’ve never heard about Y/N?”

“There wasn’t much to say, I guess,” Juyeon shrugs, taking a sip from the bottle of beer on the table.

“Sure…” Hyunjae doubtingly nods, scrunching up his nose in disbelief.

“I’m serious. She’s just a friend I met there,” Juyeon offers, licking his lips in nerves. 

And it’s the truth– you were just a friend and there really wasn’t much to say about you two– so why does Juyeon’s heart hurt a bit as he recognizes the events of the night as if it happened yesterday? Why does he feel nostalgic, maybe a little bitter about the way you two left off? 

Hyunjae doesn’t know, but there’s quite a few reasons why he never heard about you in the first place. Some were the cause of Juyeon’s insecurities in himself, some the cause of your relationship status, all the cause of his unrequited love and the way you broke his heart, making the whole memory of Paris a bit hazy and bittersweet and the leave, paradoxically, that much harder. 

But still– and maybe you’re the reason for it–

oh, how he’d love to go to Paris again.

31/10/2023

The buzzing of the room makes Juyeon’s already thumping head ache in its crevices, the smell of alcohol in the breath of everyone talking to him only making his stomach twist and turn with acid. He’s had his fair amount of drinks himself, but there is a very faint line between the amount that’s just enough to keep him going through the night and the amount that makes him puke and have a two-week hangover, and with the flight home he has to take tomorrow afternoon, he doesn’t think drinking more would be a good idea.

“Don’t break it!” Juyeon tiredly hurries out as he sees his friend Marco handle his camera, the device almost falling out of the foreign friend’s hands. 

“I won’t! Hold on, let me just–” the Italian mutters, the coating of vodka shots and the cheap red wine (made to look like blood to keep things festive) making his words slur together as he speaks. 

Juyeon reaches towards his drunk friend (while also questioning how he’s going to take a plane back to Italy tomorrow in a very hungover state) and tries to pray the prized possession out of his hands, but comes to a fail as the tall man waves him off with a theatral arm wave, shoving the poor boy towards the white wall and putting the camera up against his own face. “I’ll take your picture! So you can– you only take pictures of us, Juyo,” he rambles on, “I’ll take your picture so you can show it at home to your friends!” Marco grins, having Juyeon aimlessly sigh and stretch out his lips into a fake smile, waiting for his friend to take the picture so he can get his camera back to safety.

“Me too! Me too!” he suddenly hears from somewhere to his right, and before he has the chance to decipher the owner of the female voice, a weight on his shoulder tells him you just jumped at his side– almost topping him over and into the spooky decorations to his right– as you giggle into his ear. “Have it?”

“Aaaalmost!” Marco stretches out as he squints at the camera– and in the spare few seconds before the shutter goes off, Juyeon allows himself to stare down at your figure glued to his side. You’re wearing a dark lipstick on your smile, a drip of fake blood rolling down the side of your mouth. There’s a corset top enveloping your middle and a flowy black skirt only pulling the whole look together even with the absence of fangs– and while you don’t suck out his blood, Lee Juyeon can physically feel how you sucked out all oxygen out of his lungs in your sexy vampire costume. 

He’s seen you around tonight, but he never got the courage to walk up to you. Something about this being his last night in Paris might be the reason why. 

He was simply too bummed out about how things between you and him never went further than fits of laughter in class as you helped him with his French, or friendly hugs when you bid him goodbye at the corner of his street. Maybe it was his own fault for falling for someone so out of his reach. He always knew his stay in France was temporary– hell, he was an exchange student, he was aware of what he was getting himself into– but still, he couldn’t help but recognize the familiar warmth in his stomach whenever you were around and the strange racing of his heart whenever you were close enough for him to smell your shampoo for what it was. He was completely, utterly smitten with you– a french local that would be erased out of his lifestyle as soon as he lands back home in Korea.

The shutter of the camera is all it takes to break his train of thought, making him snap his head back to his Italian friend. A sigh of relief is heard in the room as Juyeon finally reunites with his digital camera (he was surprised to see Marco let go of it so easily), and before he has the chance to think of a conversation topic to indulge in with you, you have his words catching in his throat at your own pace of speech.

“Have you been here for long?” you ask, flattering your eyelashes at him. Juyeon gasps before he presses his lips together into a tight line, shrugging.

“A bit.”

“Why haven’t you said hi?” you frown. “You said it’s your last night! You wouldn’t leave without a goodbye, would you?” you shake your head at him, playfully poking his shoulder with your pointer finger.

He was going to. Not anymore, he guesses.

“No,” he disagrees instead, “I was gonna look for you when it was my turn to leave,” he quickly comes up with an explanation, having your features relax as a warm smile overtakes your pretty features again.

Even with your face all bloody and your eyes having dark circles under them from eyeshadow (and mascara that weared off a little, which you were completely unaware of), Juyeon finds you absolutely, utterly and fascinatingly beautiful. He’s glad no one is able to read his inner monologue– or else he’d be the one with blood running down the side of his face. If the punch to seal the cut would be coming from you or your boyfriend, he’s not quite sure. 

Maybe both. The main thing is, you’re taken and his feelings aren’t reciprocated. 

Which is why his silly crush on you that maybe, just maybe, turned into something more meaningful was that much damaging to his poor soul. 

Because Juyeon swears he never loved anyone before, but after spending the night with you drinking cheap wine in his empty dorm room on his birthday completely alone– since it fell on a Sunday this year and he didn’t have that many friends yet to celebrate with, only having spending 2 weeks in Paris at the time– during which you taught him French swear words and kissed his cheek goodbye (which he thought may be a cultural thing, although he wasn’t sure); after all of this, he felt like you’re the person he’ll think of when someone asks him about his first love when he's old.

And even if he had the balls to do anything about it (which he didn’t), he simply couldn’t. You were out of reach.

“You’d better,” you hum, “or else I’d hitchhike a plane and come over to Korea just to kick your ass.”

“You can’t hitchhike a plane, you weirdo.” 

You sigh, shaking your head. “Of course I can. Watch me.”

Juyeon finds himself grinning at the adorable determination in your voice. It makes him feel a certain type of way that he knows he shouldn’t– but after spending 10 months with the feelings (5 of which you were single, 5 of which you’ve spent dating your boyfriend) and absorbing the idea of leaving you and everything behind tomorrow, Juyeon no longer feels as guilty about the act of loving you. Not anymore– not tonight.

“I like your costume,” Juyeon comments, pointing to the attire you’ve dressed yourself in.

“Really?” your eyes light up. “Look, I even wore the bow my idiot of a boyfriend said looks tacky,” you say, making a little twirl for the man. Your skirt flows nicely in the air and you stumble a bit due to the alcohol in your system, but when Juyeon catches you by your forearms and steadies you, there’s a content smile sitting on your lips despite your previous sentence.

“It looks pretty on you,” Juyeon hums, nodding. “It’s not tacky at all.”

“I always knew you had more taste than him,” you sigh dramatically, making Juyeon question your actions. 

Oh? 

“Anyways, I like your costume as well,” you comment. 

“Thanks,” he says, although his half-assed attempt at a Joker’s costume wasn’t anywhere near your level of preciseness, “Shotaro was supposed to go as Harley to match with me, but he pulled out of it at the last minute,” Juyeon pouts.

“Gosh! That would’ve been fucking amazing,” you laugh, swatting your friend in the arm playfully– the way you always do when you laugh– but as you come down from it, there’s a bitter tone in your voice. “I asked my boyfriend to wear a couple’s costume too, but he said all my costume ideas were lame.”

“Y/N–” Juyeon starts, wanting to speak up about the matter very obviously present in the conversation, wanting to console you, say anything, but you cut him off again– your courtesy– with a shrug and a grin on your face made to mask your true emotions (didn't work. Juyeon knows you too well).

“It’s okay. That’s why I dressed up as a slutty vampire just to spite him,” you say. 

“What’s his costume?” Juyeon asks.

“Not sure. I think he just bought the Scream mask, or something,” you mutter, rolling your eyes at the male.

And now, Juyeon was never big on gossip. But if gossiping meant poking fun at your boyfriend, the last night before his plane back home takes off is not the time he’s passing on a snarky comment. “Lame.”

“I’m so glad we are on the same page, Juyo.”

His heart leaps at the nickname– a lot of people call him that, but the tone you say it in, the sweet melody of your voice as you throw it at him like a promise (of everything and nothing at all– you’re fond of him, but never fond enough), only you have this effect on him when you call him that. He wishes he had you saying his name recorded, documented somewhere on his phone, your accent and all, so he could hear you say it when he foolishly misses you in the middle of the night, like he knows he will when he lays awake at home, in his tiny, silent room.

“Do you want to get out for a bit? It’s getting too hot in here,” you say as you wave yourself, hoping to cool off, but failing miserably with the heat created from the bodies swimming through the house, and Juyeon finds himself nodding at your question.

Your feet drag you outside of the house, the cold breeze instantly cooling down your sweaty bodies. You two stand on the front porch together, watching the world around you revolve in a fast, yet slow manner– there are couples making out in the corner of the yard, one of them pressed up against the tree, and friends chasing each other down in zombie costumes, passing by bottles of alcohol between each other. 

Juyeon hears you hum, making him turn his head towards you and see you offering a cigarette to him. He'd never been much of a smoker before, but Europe taught him to never turn down a cigarette when offered, and so he only takes out one out of the pack, watching you mirror his movements. You fish for your lighter in your bra (and Juyeon finds himself too mesmerized to look away during the action), clicking it and putting the flame against the cigarette trapped between his lips.

He doesn’t know what it is about the action that makes his eyes hooded as he watches you– noticing the forgotten speck of glitter from some step of your makeup routine under your eye, making him want to swipe his thumb over it and take it off for you– but he can’t get his gaze off you as he breaths in the smoke, his head going more fuzzy than it has been only a few minutes prior.

When Juyeon’s cigarette is lit, you move to light your own, all while the male watches you with almost a dreamy look on his face. Somehow, he’s glad no one’s watching you. He doesn’t think he would be able to conceal his feelings for you tonight.

“Are you gonna miss this?” you suddenly ask, looking up at him from his right.

You? Absolutely. 

“I think so,” he nods, “it’s a lot different to home, but I made a lot of memories here.”

He watches a hint of smile spreading over your features. “Do you remember when you accidentally told our professor you were horny instead of excited?” you laugh.

“Oh, shut up,” Juyeon laughs at the memory. His French never really got to a perfect level– that’s why most of you settled on speaking English between each other– but the first few weeks were a living hell of a language barrier for Lee Juyeon. “The more concerning part is that this is what made you approach me,” he notes.

“Well, I recognised that you needed help, and I was willing to provide it,” you say, taking a drag out of the cigarette and blowing the smoke into his face.

Juyeon looks at you through the smoke cloud, snickering. “I’m kinda grateful, though. You were the first friend I made here.”

You look at him with a tender look– something so full of care Juyeon swears he feels his stomach doing somersaults– before you press your lips into a solemn smile. “Well, I’m honored, Juyeon Lee,” you drag out in a posh accent, making the boy break out into a laugh.

He takes another drag off the cigarette, inviting the nicotine into his system. Mixed with the alcohol in his veins and your aura surrounding him, he almost feels on cloud 9, like he’s flowing in space and he can’t get down. He watches as you lean over the railing of the porch, forearms meeting with the metal in a set of goosebumps. Breeze flies through the air, making your barely-clothed figure shiver.

He knows he probably shouldn’t. Your boyfriend is somewhere inside, and although you two are seemingly in a weird sort of fight, it’s not his place to act as a gentleman. 

Still, Juyeon finds he has nothing to lose. He shrugs off the suit jacket he’s been wearing and drapes it over your shoulders wordlessly, noticing the way you look back at him over your shoulder with a soft smile on your lips. 

A comforting silence overtakes you two. Juyeon takes the last drag off the cigarette and puts it out on the iron railing, enjoying the effect your sheer presence has on him. The music coming out of inside is only a mere background noise now, providing him an occasional distraction to the buzzing of his own thoughts.

“Say, Juyo,” you start, “do you know where Dorothy lives?” you ask.

Juyeon hums in disagreement. “Don’t think I do. Why?”

“I’m sleeping over at hers tonight,” you mumble, mentioning your best friend– the girl Juyeon’s met plenty of times in the 10 months of knowing you. “I was supposed to stay at Andre’s, but I’m not talking to him right now.”

“Oh,” is all Juyeon says. The mention of your boyfriend always throws him off the track a little.

“I dunno where Dorothy went, but I’m getting kind of sleepy.”

“Why can’t you just go home?” he asks.

“Juyo,” you laugh, “my parents would kill me if I got home tipsy and smelling like cigarette smoke. Don’t you know how they are?” you joke, shaking your head in disbelief.

He doesn’t. He kind of wishes he had the chance to know, though– because if he knew your parents, maybe it would imply something. Signify something more.

“Do you want me to walk you to Dorothy’s?” 

“Yeah,” you nod, lids heavy. Juyeon doesn’t know what time it is, but the last time he checked, it was well past midnight– he doesn’t think he’d stay around much longer himself.

“Okay,” he nods, watching as you slowly peel yourself off the railing and wear his suit jacket properly, the fabric drowning you, but keeping you warm. The sight, the sentiment of it, makes Juyeon’s hands shake and his throat go dry. You’re so close, yet so out of his reach.

Your feet are slow as you march towards the direction of your best friend’s house. Juyeon doesn’t know how far it is, but he wishes for you to take the long way home– if those are the last moments he has with you, he wants to drag the evening out the best he can.

The night is quiet. The only thing ringing in your ears is the sound of your own footsteps, when Juyeon surprises himself with the question that noisily cuts out of his throat.

“Why don’t you break up with him?” he asks.

He expects you to go mad at the question– you were known to have quite the fierce temper. You and Andre have had a few problems in the past: he was known to be reckless with his snarky comments that somehow hurt your pride, his nasty behavior when he got drunk, and the not-so-happy opinion your parents had of him. You were known to blow things out of proportion, screaming, crying and making a scene whenever you could if you thought it was appropriate, known to talk about your conflicts with your friends and digging out opinions out of them on the matter.

Juyeon always made sure to give you lukewarm arguments whenever you asked him about your boyfriend. Never too heated to make himself seem suspicious. Your relationship was none of his business.

Again– tonight, though, he has nothing to lose.

“I dunno,” you shrug, your steps a little uneven on the pavement, “it’s… a matter of habit, maybe? It’s weird,” you say. 

The explanation gives Juyeon just about nothing. A matter of habit? Is it a habit to stay with someone? Was there not more needed for a relationship?

Juyeon doesn’t find it in him to reply. Instead, he lets you talk.

“I think I might love him, or something. I’m not really sure…” you mumble, the sentences breaking Juyeon’s heart a little by little, shattering it right in front of you on the pavement, “because if I didn’t, why else would I put up with all of this?” you ask, not really expecting an answer.

“All the shaming, the spiteful remarks. The pettiness, the silent treatment… tell me, Juyo, do I have any dignity?” you laugh, shaking your head in disbelief.

“Y/N…”

The snicker that escapes out of you quickly turns bitter. Your body grows impossibly closer to his, your hands sneaking around his bicep. You walk with linked arms, your head falling to his shoulder. “I don’t think I really love him, though,” you suddenly rebuttal, “‘cause like… I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t tell my grandkids about Andre, y’know? I think that’s the way you know. If you can imagine thinking so fondly about someone that you… that you’d mention them even in 50 years, ‘cause the memories still feel fresh and you’re delighted you once knew them, then…” you trail off, voice fading.

“Do you know what I mean?” you hum, pouting.

He does know.

“Sorry, I’m rambling–”

“No, I get you,” he reassures you, nodding to himself. 

“You always do,” you sigh, breaking Juyeon’s heart into a million pieces, “anyways, with that being said… I think I’m with him only because breaking up is too much of a hassle. And, I think I like the attention,” you splutter, laughing at yourself, “that’s… so desperate of me, I know. I’m starting to doubt if it’s even worth it.”

“He’s not,” Juyeon finds himself saying as you two cross the corner.

“You’re only saying that as my friend.”

“No, I’m saying that as your– as someone who cares…?” he stutters, mentally kicking himself for sounding so readable. Surely, you must’ve already noticed. If not from his current statement, then from the way he looked at you the whole night. You are a smart girl– you were always quick to point out the men that would soon hit on you when you were at the club. You have a good eye when it comes to others.

You only laugh, though. Oh, how Juyeon loves the sound.

“Thank you,” you hum.

You two fall silent for a while. Juyeon finds himself enjoying it. It feels comfortable– to walk with you through the emptied Paris, accompanied by the yellow lampposts and soulless streets. Only you two, your linked arms and his suit jacket around your shoulders.

“We’re at Dorothy’s,” you muse when your steps come to a halt, gesturing towards the silent, dark house on the other side of the street, “I think she’s not home yet, though. Her light would be on.”

Chewing on the inside of his cheek, Juyeon looks from the house and back at you, then back at the seemingly empty house again. “And now what?”

“I have to wait for her,” you shrug, “will you… keep me company?”

You don’t even have to ask. He’d always keep you company. 

“Well, I’m not just gonna let you stand alone in the street in the middle of the night, am I?” he playfully shakes his head in disbelief, but secretly enjoys the fact that he has more time with you before you have to pay each other goodbye.

“Always knew you were a gentleman.”

“Pretty sure that was my middle name,” he notes.

“I thought you said that was ‘handsome’ once?”

“I have two,” he laughs.

“Is that possible?” you tease.

“Of course! Look it up,” he says, turning to you as he talks. “My name’s actually Lee Handsome Gentleman Juyeon, it’s on my ID and everything,” he jokes, watching as your eyes turn into moon crescents and your throat lets out a fit of amused giggles.

Another playful punch to his shoulder. A happy sigh. A shake of your head, full of disbelief. 

“Damn, Juyo. I’ll miss you like crazy, you know?” you suddenly utter, making the boy’s heart fall down into his stomach. The implication of your words sounds a lot like a goodbye, and although he was aware of the fact that he was leaving before, he doesn’t think he really let the reality down on him until now. 

This time tomorrow, there will be no Paris. No Marco. No Shotaro. No Bence. No French locals, no bagels for breakfast, no shitty ass dorm room.

No you.

“I’ll miss you more,” he says. He thinks he’s right.

You’ll miss him like a friend. He’ll miss you like his first love.

You stare at him for a heartbeat. One, two– before you latch onto him, much like when you first met tonight. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him close, head resting on his shoulder only when you notice his hands wrapping around your middle. Breathing in your scent, Juyeon focuses very hard to keep his heart rate in check– it’s hard to not falter under your touch when your nose buries itself into his neck, cold skin nuzzling into his hot one, hands squeezing him tighter.

Juyeon doesn’t think you’ve ever hugged him like this before. 

And now, you won’t ever again.

You break away from him only enough to still be in his hold, your forehead resting against his. The new intimacy between the two of you makes him gulp, eyes focused into yours– watching the silver and gold swirl around your irises, counting your eyelashes. Noticing the faint mole on the top of your nose bridge. 

Foolishly letting his eyes dip lower. Memorizing the shape of your lips with his gaze. Taking in a shaky breath when he feels your fingers playing with the hair on his nape.

“Will you tell your grandkids about Paris?” you ask, voice barely louder than a whisper. Juyeon would almost think you’re suggesting something with your question, but when you speak up again, the suspicion is proved correct. “Will you tell them about me?”

The boy drags his eyes up back to yours. He examines the intention. He finalizes that he has nothing left to lose. 

Tomorrow, this will all be a memory. A moment out of his reach– much like you, all this time. A moment of time he experienced and won’t ever get back.

“I will,” he nods, swallowing. “Will you?”

You smile at the boy, the curve of your lips capturing his attention again. If anyone asked, he’d tell them it’s pure biology– the way his eyes zoomed in on your mouth the moment your expression changed. That’s how attention fluctuates– he learned about it in class somewhere, he’s fairly certain.

Why he’s unable to look back into your eyes after the question is a matter of something else, though.

“I think I might,” you breathe out.

There’s buzzing in his fingertips as he relishes the moment. The sentiment makes his knees weak, his brain fuzzy, his sight blurry and a little hazed. When he finally catches a glimpse of your gaze, he finds it glued to his mouth. 

He could take it as an invitation. 

He won’t, though.

“Kiss me?” you ask, whispering.

He shakes his head in disapproval. “I can’t.” 

Not when you’re taken. Not when he’s aware. Not when he knows you might regret this in the morning.

“Can I kiss you, then?” you ask. 

That, however, is a whole other situation. 

You asked to. You're making the first step. He doesn't have to feel guilty– who cares whether either of you might regret this decision tomorrow.

A simple nod–

that’s all it takes before you lock your lips with his. Your mouths move against each other with a passion he’s contained for his whole stay. You taste like vodka and orange juice, the slickness of your lip gloss making Juyeon’s lips slide against yours with more ease. He kisses you like you’d kiss your first love– with everything in him, with everything he is. 

He kisses you in a way that shows he wants to remember this forever. In a way that makes you lean even closer, pressing up firmly against him as you angle your head to make the kiss deeper. One of your hands moves from behind his head to twist itself deeper into his hair, tugging a little at the root to make the boy gasp under your actions. That has you inviting your tongue into his mouth, eager to taste him, to explore.

Juyeon doesn’t think he’s ever been kissed like this. He doesn��t think he’s ever felt so vulnerable, so open while kissing someone. This is him with his heart on a plate, naked and ready to be stabbed, squished by the weight of circumstances breathing onto his back.

His cold fingers move along your sides. Your hands settle on his shoulders to steady yourself, head pulling away to gasp for oxygen.

You look so pretty when he opens his eyes. Lipstick smudged and eyes blown out, hair a little messy from the October wind. He’s like an addict presented with his favorite drug– he can’t get enough, he can’t resist as he chases after you, leaving kisses along your jaw and the corner of your mouth, where the blood is, slowly meeting your lips again in another lock.

Everything else disappears. In this moment, there’s just you, you, you…

No flights. No weight of his own conscience. No boyfriends, no unsaid feelings. 

No regret.

And Juyeon thought he had nothing to lose, but suddenly, with you in his arms, he feels as if he’s being stripped of everything he never even had, only got the glimpse of last minute, a few hours before he’s gone.

You lean away again. Juyeon watches you with big eyes. A smile appears on your face as you move a finger up to his face, cleaning up the side of his mouth off the dark lipstick you’ve imprinted on him. He feels fragile under your touch. One bad move and he breaks, falls apart under you.

“You have to come back to visit one day,” you whisper, cradling the side of his face.

Juyeon nods. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever get the chance.

But as you stand on your tippy toes and press a kiss to his forehead, making a million different fireworks erupt in his stomach, he doesn’t let himself think of that (im)possibility. He watches as you smile at him, locking your eyes in a gaze tender and soft, yet electrifying, holding something special.

Before you take off to meet your best friend walking up the other side of the street, you hug him one last time and whisper into his ear.

“Goodbye, Juyo.”

Seeing as you lock your arms with Dorothy, walking up into the silent house and never looking back, Juyeon lets himself feel the last hint of longing for someone he always knew would never be his. And it’s strange, because he hasn’t even left yet, 

but oh, how he’d love to go to Paris again.

[un-love]

the next time you meet them

a/n: for my carats and deobis <3 this is entirely fictional! (that's a given) pls reblog

🖇️ he stares at you across the table, eyes half lidded from all the wine he’s downed. the previously inviting chatter around the table is all noise to him; he can't be bothered to avert his gaze from your face. he hadn't planned on drinking at all that night, but seeing you so close to him, on another man’s arm changed that. a familiar burn rises in his throat. goosebumps line his skin, almost mocking him as he sees your fingers linger on this dude’s arm. what did you see in him? the only time his eyes leave your face is to ask for another drink. (jeonghan / younghoon)

🖇️ he smiles at you, but not before considering sprinting in the opposite direction. it's not as hard as he had imagined, he tells himself, except his heart feels like it just ran a five mile marathon and his ears are ringing. you smile back at him, oblivious to the whirlwind your presence evoked on an otherwise warm sunday afternoon, and he catches sight of the front tooth you chipped on his television set. ah. the day you had moved in together. five months after, you had kicked him out. his heart knows how to put itself back together now, after hundreds of failed attempts. (seokmin / kevin)

🖇️ you have bloodshot eyes and his hand reaches around your waist to steady you instinctively. no one bats an eye when you lean into his touch and tell him you’ve always loved how he smelled, and did he change his perfume recently? this is what friends do, isn’t it? that is what he is to you, after all? (cheol / sangyeon)

🖇️ saturdays are game nights for your mutual friend group. so the fact that you had spent the previous night projectile vomiting on your bathroom floor, or the fact that he was wasted beyond comprehension, resulting in a terrible hangover had to be kept aside to protect a previously well-kept secret. the pit in your stomach gets deeper every time the warm sound of his laugh reaches your ears, body aching to be touched by him. he leaves early. (jun / changmin)

🖇️ he has freshly bleached hair. you know this because he’s at your doorstep. he’s at your doorstep? hope is a home in your chest, immediately crumbled by the look on his face. is he not here for you? “i wanted to come get my stuff. it wouldn't be fair for you to have reminders of me everywhere.” oh. (chan / chanhee)

🖇️ standing infront of the café you’ve been avoiding for the most part of the year, you try to convince yourself you're seeing things in places they aren’t. through the glass window, dark brown eyes catch you. pretty eyes, heavy with confusion (or is it guilt on his face?) attached to a face so familiar it makes your breath hitch. the images come in flashes. hand squeezes, midnight snacks (waffles), one green apple mojito + two straws, butterfly kisses, promise rings, forgotten birthdays, muffled sobs, untouched food, promise rings taken off. too much, too fast. heartache can only be described as a knife lodged in your sternum. (soonyoung)

🖇️ years have passed. he doesn't recognize you, or simply refuses to acknowledge you. either way, your skin tingles with nostalgia when he gets into the elevator after you. they say certain scents can evoke the strongest memories. from your spot, you can trace the slope of his nose, the curve of his mouth, the apples of his cheeks with your eyes. everything is just as you remember it. silver glints on one of his fingers as he lifts his phone to one ear. well, maybe not everything. he was your first love, that's all. (joshua / juyeon)

🖇️ if someone told you the first boy you fell in love with was going to walk up to you, ten years later in the auditorium where you first kissed him, just to tell you how beautiful you look, you would've laughed in their face. but here he was now, (in a blazer, instead of a bomber jacket, but) as exquisite as ever, and after two glasses of wine, you let yourself wonder how his smile would feel against your mouth. i think i’ve seen this film before. would it be so bad to let him break your heart again? (vernon / sunwoo)

🖇️ the thing about weddings is they make you feel nostalgic about things that could poison you (namely, relationships). so when you spot him in the distance, the groom’s closest friend and your former lover, you can’t help but long for everything that once was, everything that could have been. the warmth of his skin against your cold hands, his arms around your waist as he whisks you away for a dance, the vision of his freshly curled hair between your thighs. whoops. (wonwoo / hyunjae)

🖇️ he stands at your doorstep, drenched. water drips from his hair and clothes onto your welcome mat. “i thought about you all day, about how lonely these twenty four hours can get for you. it’s almost midnight, but i had to come, even when the rational part of me advocated that i don’t have the right to do this for you, not anymore. but i wanted you to know that i care, no matter what happened between us. happy birthday. i’m sorry.” (seungkwan / eric)

🖇️ a freezing christmas eve. looks like he hasn’t let go of this habit of always waiting till the last moment to pick up christmas presents. for the years that you were together, you made sure to get it done on time. seeing him now, two winters later, borderline panicking on the other side of the store makes you laugh (and reminisce, and dream). maybe you should go over and h- you’re frozen in place when an arm slides around his waist. he pulls her closer as you watch, heart thumping against your ribcage when he presses a gentle kiss to her cheek. bells jingle as you leave the coziness of the store for the biting cold. you must've been mistaken. that's not the man you knew. (woozi)

🖇️ you bump into him the day you move into a new building. he gives you a smile that makes his eyes soften and watches as you break in two. “oh, i live here too.” what if you had loved him out loud? set free the words rolled under your tongue? what if you had hooked your fingers into his belt loops and pulled him closer? regret tastes like four glasses of wine at your own housewarming party, with eyes fixed on the door. do you believe in second chances? (minghao / haknyeon)

🖇️ the years have been super kind to him but you can see the hints of ageing on his otherwise flawless skin. his smile, velvet and butter, still floods the room with warmth. or maybe just the entirety of you, as he sits next to you on the couch. it’s silly, the effect he still has. you can't help but be jealous of all the moments of him the hands of the clock stole from you. all of the tears and smiles you weren't next to him for. his hands, once soft in yours, are now calloused and rough. his hair, the shortest you've seen it. he shifts closer to you, as if sensing the turmoil. and when his hand grazes yours, electricity shoots through your fingertips. he’s here now. maybe the thoughts can wait. (mingyu / jacob)

bonus:

🖇️ you have a visitor. you open your home to him once again, leading him out to the balcony. the sky is an angry pink, the plants looking warily at who the evening brought in. “look, i’m sorry for not believing you. for pushing you out and leaving you behind. you didn’t deserve that. you're like…the fucking sun and i envy people who see that and get to be loved by you. i don’t get to be bitter, do i? i had it and i lost it. had you and i lost you. let me be yours again.” you wake up to his side of the bed still empty. was he dreaming of you too?

[hcuyk]

okay since you're back, may i please request something around 4am with changmin (or sunwoo?) and make it angst or comfort or whatever just because why not thank you my love i'm so happy you're here you don't imagine how much

[4:01AM]

Not often did you wake up in the middle of the night, yet something felt different. Maybe it was because there was a sudden lump that had developed within your pillow or the temperature in the room had changed, but your dream had slowly faded into darkness. As you adjusted to your senses and reality itself, your eyes fluttered open and caught a glimpse of Changmin in the dark.

Your eyes traced the silhouette illuminated by the moon, noticing his eyes wide and fixated on the ceiling. Unsure of both the time and if Changmin had noticed you, you scooted over to where he was and wrapped your arms around one of his, hugging it close to your chest.

“Why are you up?” you mumbled while tucking your nose behind his shoulder, wanting to remain as close as possible. 

Changmin turned his head to face you, slightly startled that you had woken up, but his parted lips of shock curled up into a warm smile—it was almost impossible to not be in love whenever he saw you. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head before shifting in his spot, adjusting so he could bring you into his arms.

“Why are you awake, hm?” He pulled you in close and against his chest, allowing you to snuggle up against him within his embrace. 

“I asked you first,” you retaliated. You gave him an exaggerated pout before having it interrupted with a yawn. He shook his head and laughed at you softly, his arms squeezing you. He then had one of his hands gently pat you on the head, providing a weak attempt to get you back to sleep.

“Just woke up randomly, and I couldn’t go back asleep,” he whispered.

“You better not be bullshitting.” He giggled at your grumble, causing you to shuffle your feet under the comforters and kick his legs when you found them. Changmin then burst out in laughter at your terrible attempt and refuted the action by locking his legs around yours, trapping you completely in his hold. 

Instead of fighting back, your tired state melted against him, but you still glared at him as a threat. 

“I’m not bullshitting, I promise.” Your skepticism made him coo and kiss your nose, watching as your bunched-up facial features began to relax.

“We sleep together?” Noticing your slight worry, he nodded and pressed a soft kiss against your lips to reassure you.

“We sleep together.”

It had taken less than a few minutes for you to knock out, but Changmin was still completely awake. He would play with your hair, tucking strands behind your ear, before his thoughts drifted off once more. He kissed your cheek with a whispered ‘I love you’ before untangling himself from you to glance at the ceiling once more. 

His eyes then trailed over to the nightstand by their bed, and without much thought, he silently pulled out the drawer to take out a small velvet box. He flipped it open to reveal the ring he had bought you and raised it to where the moon was shining, wanting to look at it one last time before officially getting down on one knee for you.

His heart thudded against his chest and fluttered the moment he thought about you wearing it on your ring finger. He smiled and put it away so he could go back to holding you, finally relaxed enough to fall back asleep.

You were his forever, and he couldn’t wait for tomorrow. 

permanent taglist . . . @armysantiny @stealanity @zzoguri @nyujjan @tinisprout @the-kpop-simp

author's note // first timestamp for changmin! (the other one was unhinged and we pretend it doesn't exist 😭). matty my biggest supporter ilysmsmsmsmsmsmsm thank you for sending this in i hope you enjoy ALSO this may or may not be canon kidult changmin 🫣

[stealanity]

playlist one , the boyz ( cch to src ) :

⠀

ꕤ choi chanhee ,

the so-called boyfriend ( smau , hiatus )

better

yarrow

cry for me

strawberry flavor

⠀

[ 8:42pm ]

[ 10:42pm ]

[ 11:12pm ]

[ 5:25am ]

⠀

ꕤ ji changmin ,

you did well

lying eyes

first love

dream of you

dream of you ( part two )

⠀

[ 10:32pm ]

[ 2:24am ]

[ 6:17am ]

[ 6:14pm ]

⠀

ꕤ ju haknyeon ,

our secret little date

⠀

[ 12:24pm ]

[ 8:23pm ]

[ 9:36pm ]

⠀

ꕤ kim sunwoo ,

color palette ( smau , finished )

game over ( ft. eric , written serie , discontinued )

you're save

late night kiss

a to z being your boyfriend

old toy

new toy

ghost train

just friends

easier

unashamedly

⠀

[ 3:47am ]

[ 3:45am ]

[ 9:45pm ]

[ 6:38pm ]

[ 11:57pm ]

[ 11:25pm ]

⠀

ꕤ sohn eric ,

endless race ( smau , finished )

game over ( ft. sunwoo , written serie , discontinued )

age of love

broken night

never be you

roulette to your heart

because of you

black hair & red lipstick

all over

one bed

birthday present(s)

⠀

[ 3:22pm ]

[ 2:56pm ]

[ 2:24pm ]

[ 2:04am ]

⠀

ꕤ ot-eleven ,

sorry, for breaking your heart ( written serie , hiatus )

kiss or kill? ( one shot )

the boyz as the vamps' songs

october 19 : international kiss your crush day

kiss their s/o for the first time

their s/o asking them for one last kiss

their s/o having a habit of sitting on their lap

their s/o being drunk

their s/o cutting their hair short

their s/o holding hands when they're anxious / clingy

their crush not being touchy

always having an extra scrunchie for their s/o

watching a horror movie with their s/o

sharing a bed with their s/o for the first time

accidently outing their relationship on vlive

⠀

. . . link to hyung line !

[ericscroptop]

Don’t Wanna Break Up Again

✧ pairing: bf! sunwoo x gf! reader

✦ genre: angst

✧ warnings: angst, kinda toxic relationship vibes, maybe some miscommunication going on, insecure reader but kinda valid, brief mentions of past relationship trauma, lots of tears, just the not-so-perfect parts about a relationship, cursing, kissing, making out, and suggestive towards the end

✦ word count: 1.9k words

✧ synopsis: you both know that you each are bringing pain to one other in this relationship. yet, you two can’t seem to let go despite the challenges.

✦ note: i had to write a drabble based off this song, even though it hurts— it’s so freaking good; i love ariana sm. eternal sunshine broke me and revived me simultaneously.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ͙⁺˚*･

Being held hostage to your tears was common for you these days.

The sounds coming from the tv in the background are drowned out by your worrisome thoughts that eat away your mind, especially during nightfall.

It was difficult to fall asleep when your mind raced in thinking on loop of how flirtatious your boyfriend was. It’s actually funny how that kills you now, because his charm and inviting form is what drew you to him in the first place.

Sunwoo was too kind for his own good. I guess you can’t blame him for being such a smooth talker and for the way he looks. Girls are bound to be drawn to him.

I mean, you don’t really expect him to push every girl in existence out of his way and tell them to ‘fuck off’ when they ask if he’s single, were too kittenish when speaking to him, or stare at him a little too long, do you?

It shouldn’t bother you when he has ‘guys night’ and goes out to the lounge bar with his friend group almost every other weekend.

That place he frequents is mainly filled with people looking for hookups and a scandalous night of fun. Even if he was with his friends— who are mostly all single and not committed, mind you— left a sour taste present in your mouth and it felt nauseating to you every time he would go there.

You two had a private relationship. Though, it wasn’t a secret that you guys were in a relationship at all. It was more so filled with quiet dinners together, laid back activities, and not shoving your relationship in everyone’s faces on social media— especially coming from him.

You weren’t trying to prove to anyone that you two were in love. You actually preferred that so you didn’t make your relationship your entire personality.

And you honestly didn’t care whether you spent the entire day in bed cuddling lazily with Sunwoo, or if he decided to take you to the most lavish restaurant in town.

As long as Sunwoo was by your side, you couldn’t care less what you did with him. His presence alone was enough to satisfy your heart.

But your anxieties and trauma from past relationships always kept coming back to haunt you. Your head was a sick place to live in.

You didn’t want to be an overbearing girlfriend. At the end of the day, you two were each your own person, and there had to be a level of trust in this relationship.

Sunwoo knew about your past, as you opened up to him about shit you’ve dealt with.

He did his best to instantly reassure you that your past doesn’t define your future, and that he’d do his best to love you with all his being and be there for you in all aspects.

But you couldn’t contain that compressed feeling in your chest whenever he would go out to the lounge and always spent the night at one of his friend’s supposedly afterwards.

Or when you’ve seen him be a little too playful towards his female coworkers when you drop by his place of work every so often to deliver his lunch.

Or how you feel ignored and alone when you try to bring these feelings up to him. You really wanted to refrain from seeming like a toxic girlfriend. Overanalyzing and overthinking his every move and interaction.

But it was so fucking hard not to. Your painful emotions and negative beliefs stemming from past trauma seem to resurface.

Maybe you should learn to be a bit more trusting. Sunwoo isn’t like your exes.

But what if he is?

You should try to communicate with him more. But you feel like it’s an endless conversation because you have so much baggage.

You don’t think Sunwoo could rid of his natural flirtatiousness just for you, or avoid his friends.

He honestly doesn’t know what to do anymore. He’s reassured you one, two many times and he honestly doesn’t like being nagged at or seeing you lose your mind like this.

Maybe you could use time apart. And maybe he could learn to be a little less selfish and take into more consideration your feelings about his actions.

But he doesn’t.

Your throat feels tight and dry, feeling like you’re being swallowed whole from the negative thoughts that consume you.

It’s one of those nights where you feel the relationship anxiety is too much to handle.

You’re already in bed with Sunwoo. His mind is focused on the tv that’s playing, and your back is facing his body, curled up distantly in the corner under the covers with eyes staring into nothing.

You don’t even realize when you start crying. Hot tears pool your eyes and begin to fall out. Your breath shakes quietly and you can’t help but stir under the covers as you let your emotions get the best of you once again.

This is so common in the relationship at this point, almost like a routine. Sunwoo knows you have your moments like this and he never knows what to do anymore.

All he can bring himself to do is turn up the volume on the tv a bit, trying his best to ignore the way his heart pings at hearing your shaky breathing and quiet weeping.

Another sleepless night.

———————————————————————————

When you wake the next morning, you feel the familiar front-form of Sunwoo’s body against your back, spooning you. His arms were wrapped around your stomach, holding your body securely against his own,

You honestly aren’t surprised that you ended up like this. No matter how upset, pissed, or alone you felt, you still managed to end up in his arms at some point throughout your sleep when you shared a bed together.

His soft snores fill your ears in the silent morning to greet you upon your wake.

Your eyes begin to water from the feeling of his embrace, tears once again falling down your cheeks.

Your hands that were resting next to your head go to wipe away your tears, but Sunwoo begins to stir at the feeling of your movement.

You bite your lip, hoping he doesn’t catch you crying again. You know he hears you when you cry occasionally at night, having grown familiar to it by now. But you crying in the morning before even having breakfast would be a bit ridiculous.

A moan leaves his throat at his sudden wake, and he stretches his legs for a couple seconds before craning his head to look at you.

Your hands covered your face in attempt to shield your current state, but he saw a tear fall down your chin.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Sunwoo sighs deeply, face softening while his hands go to reach for your own, pulling them down to reveal your face in full.

Your teary eyes meet his face, boring into his own eyes. Your mouth stayed tight while more tears came out, burning down your skin and falling onto your shirt as you meet his gaze.

You honestly didn’t know why you were crying now. Maybe cause’ he’s dealt with all your baggage and it seems like it’s a never-ending cycle of unpacking it. You’re putting him through a lot and he still is always right by your side.

You don’t want to drag this shit out any longer. You’re tired of fucking with his head and it’s breaking your heart to keep breaking his again.

Your insecurities, anxieties, and fucked up head are trying to ruin another relationship of yours. Are your feelings even valid? Should you still have these toxic feelings even after Sunwoo reassures you and still shows that he loves you?

You can’t do anything except roll over to where you’re now facing him, and burry yourself into his chest. Tears continue to fall, and you’re whimpering again, causing Sunwoo’s heart to crack and his own eyes start to get blurry from tears welding up.

“I’m sorry.” you apologized to him. For your constant breakdowns and getting in your head too much. You knew it was too much.

“I’m sorry, too.” his voice comes out shaky.

He kisses the top of your head as you nuzzle further into his arms. Sunwoo tries to blink away his tears but they’re starting to flood in his eyes. He doesn’t even know what he’s apologizing for.

For ignoring you and giving you space even though he probably shouldn’t have.

For playing with your feelings like an idiot when he goes out, and leaving you on delivered for hours.

For coming across as too friendly when he speaks to other girls, whether on purpose or not— who fucking knows.

And maybe you’d rather not know for sure.

You give yourself strength to pull away from his embrace, looking up at his own watery eyes that mirrored your own in holding so much weight and tiredness.

Without speaking further, your pupils trails down to his swollen lips from sleep. They dilate, in becoming entranced by how beautiful your boyfriend is, even when he looked exhausted.

You want nothing more than to just kiss him right now. To escape your heavy thoughts with the feeling of his lips against your own. Even if it’s just for a moment.

Your boyfriend doesn’t even have to hear you verbally express what you want, as he already knows what you want after every overwhelming night.

Your fingers combed through his messy black hair, fixing his bangs across his forehead and then going to rest on his nape.

He hums at the feeling, and leans into your face, enveloping his lips with your own. Each of your lips are soft, yet chapped and plump from sleeping.

Your fingers clutch his strands of hair gently, as the kissing develops into making out. You two go from laying on each of your sides, facing one another, to Sunwoo laying on his back with you straddling his lap.

The kisses grow more hungry and full of lust. Sunwoo is craving for your body to rest and dance against his own under the sheets. He nips at your bottom lip and lets his wet tongue in when you part your mouth.

Kisses become sloppy when his dominant hand slips its way under your (his) t-shirt, fingers grazing over the flesh of your tummy. His fingers reach up to the underside of your breasts, causing you to mewl and unconsciously grind down over his crotch.

You lose yourself under Sunwoo’s mind-numbing touches and continue to kiss him ferociously.

Your nails dig into his scalp and his other hand moves to cup your ass. He begins to grow hard at the feeling of your ass cheeks through your boy shorts. Fingers also dance over your exposed legs and rub your skin soothingly.

You could never refuse Sunwoo’s touches. Your body stuck to him immediately like glue, whether you were happy with him or not. He made your mind go crazy, both in good and bad ways.

You didn’t want another relationship of yours to fall apart. You refused to break up again. You didn’t want to break up with him. You loved him. Though, loving was never easy.

Utter ecstasy courses your body when you guys intertwine and succumb together like this.

You love when he kisses and cuddles and fucks you so good that you forget all the bullshit that lives in your head rent free, and all the negativity that comes with your relationship.

If one day, things between you two end up crashing and burning, you hope he’d never regret you and think fondly of what you two had.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ͙⁺˚*･

[kimsohn]

𓇼 3:45 am

pairing . juyeon x gn!reader about . 718 words, fluff + angst warnings . none! ↳ dedicated to my beautiful sexy hot wife @juyeonszn

it's cold, too cold outside.

you shiver as you sit on the bench, the sound of rain reverberating around the covered bus stop. your drenched raincoat sits next to you along with your purse, embellished with water droplets on the metal engraving.

you laugh bitterly, seeing your warped face in the shiny hooks of your bag. juyeon gifted you it many years ago, and it still looks the same as it did on your birthday.

you sense juyeon in everything you own. from the cat clip with whiskers in your hair down to your worn-out shoes he'd decorated with a sharpie, he echoes wherever you go. you see his face in the rain splashing down next to you, on the lock screen of your buzzing phone, and in the reflection of the chapped nail polish on your fingertips.

too bad you're pissed at him right now, though. everything that reminds you of him is like a curse.

"y/n!" you hear, and you look up from watching the droplets plink against the ground to register the sound corrrectly.

you blink once, twice, to ensure that yes indeed, juyeon is the one that's running toward you. he's masked by the pouring shower around him, fading in through the reflections of clear water until he's close enough to see visibly. the beloved gray hoodie he always wears is drenched by the water, and the only sign of protection he has is the hood covering his forehead that he's holding up with his shivering hands.

"juyeon," you say, standing up, "why are you here? it's pouring outside!"

"i couldn't- i couldn't leave you like that. i can't let you leave like this."

you watch as he walks to the bench, picking up your purse and swinging over his shoulder. he makes his way over to you, draping the bright yellow raincoat around your frame, tucking your hands into the sleeves. you make no move to stop him.

"let's go home," he whispers, sniffling. "please."

this close to him, you now realize that the droplets on his cheeks aren't those of the rain, that the runny nose he sports is not because of the temperature, and the redness of his eyes is definitely not a result of running here. your heart drops when you realize he's been crying, and it takes everything in your power to not bring him close and give him a hug like it's your last.

"i'm still mad at you, you know?"

"you can be mad at home, where it's nice and warm."

he stares at you so expectantly that your resolve shatters.

"juyeon," you sigh, watching him slide the strap of your bag up his shoulder.

"i'm sorry," he whispers, so silently that you almost can't hear it. "i'm sorry that work got in the way of our anniversary. you were right, you know, about me never being there for you. but i couldn't let you leave like this. you're all that i have."

your mind drifts back to the argument that took place a couple of hours ago, one that resulted in you storming out and slamming the door behind you. he'd gotten worked up over your anger at him not coming home early enough like he'd promised, and you'd retaliated by reminding him how often he does this to you.

they were words of the moment that you'd never meant to say. looking at his face now, you realize exactly how much you'd hurt him.

"oh, juyeon," you murmur, pulling him into your embrace, "i'm sorry too. none of those words were true, at all, and i wish i'd never said them. of all people, i know how your work affects our relationship. it wasn't right of me to get mad at you for it."

"but it was right of you. you can get angry at me a million times for being late and not showing up because it just means you love me. just don't leave home when i don't show up, okay? my heart can't take it. i'm too selfish to let you go."

selfishly, you'd never let him go either.

"i hate you," you whisper, furrowing into his chest.

"i love you too, baby. happy anniversary, my love."

and as the rain sprinkles around you, you know that you love him too.

[moonlightdreamzz]

HOW THEY REACT WHEN YOU BREAK UP WITH THEM

✰ Sunwoo, Eric, & Q

SUNWOO

ERIC

Q

[sanaxo-o]

Lonesome (Ji Changmin)

Warnings: cheating, drinking, kissing, cursing, just hurt with no comfort lmao, genuinely just plain angst with no happy ending :)

Word count: 2594

Sana: Hihi back with our series Emails I can’t send fwd. It genuinely took me ages to write something because I kept jumping from one member to another and ally was just so understanding 😭. A huge huge thanks to @winterchimez @invuwrld and @from-izzy for beta reading this and giving me their suggestions. Love you guys <3

“One more of this please.” You say with your eyebrows arched together. Placing your aching head in your hands you heavy out a small, tired sigh as you think back to the times when you were still happy.

Ever since you were young, all you ever wanted was your love life to be filled with joy and happiness. You knew that was not it, you saw all the hardships your parents went through when they were together but they always found their way back to each other. That was true love in your eyes.

You always dreamed about finding a man who loved you just like your dad did; you remember your older brother talking with you about the girl he used to like. You were envious of that feeling he had because you never felt it, but when you saw your brother wail over the same girl who used to bring that silly smile to his face, it made you question if love was really what you thought it was.

You think back to the time when you promised your brother to never cheat on your future partner, the way his eyes glistened with tears because he was the one who got cheated on made you swear that never in your life will you ever cheat on your partner. That is if you ever find one.

And when you did find the one, you thought that’s all you will ever need. It was as if your life was complete and you were now with the man you would love forever.

Being with Changmin truly did change your life, the way your eyes would sparkle whenever you saw his smile or when he would do those small gestures for you unknowingly made you feel like you were the only person who would ever matter to him.

You thought you would never lose him, not with the way your relationship was going on a smooth pattern but life had different decisions for you.

When you got together with Changmin, you knew it was gonna be difficult in the beginning. The man was known for having commitment issues; he was popularly known for only dating for a month and then ghosting them.

But you thought what you had with him was different; you guys went through your relationship for over a month. Hell, you surprised everyone when you both celebrated your three months anniversary.

You never thought that it would all come crashing down like this, not when your love for him was so strong.

You should have known, you were not the one when he stopped gazing at you with love in his eyes, the way he started snapping at you for the smallest things and then apologising for it blaming that he was just stressed.

You were afraid— to be his history when you dreamed about being his present, past and future. Well, then it might just remain a dream then, right?

Taking a sip of the alcohol that was placed in front of you, you looked around your surroundings, the very place where your relationship started falling apart.

—x—

Flashback

Entering the crowded club, you try your best to stick around with Changmin. Coming out to clubs three times a week was never your thing. Yes, you went to clubs, but it was only for rare or special occasions.

But considering the fact that Changmin was a huge party animal, you knew you would have to come to some of the parties along with him. You were his girlfriend, after all.

“Wait, where are you going?” You ask Changmin with a small voice as you grip his hand tightly. Afraid you might get separated in this crowded place.

“I will just look for Juyeon, you should go and get yourself a drink. I will be back in no time.” Saying that Changmin gave your forehead a small kiss as he dragged you to the bar counter, “Order some drinks for yourself while I go and talk to Juyeon about something, hmm?” He says as he caresses your hands softly while lovingly gazing into your round eyes.

You could see the sparkle still present in them. It never seemed to disappear when you were with him, which warmed your heart.

Giving him a small nod you watch his figure disappear into the room full of people. Heaving out a sigh, you order yourself a mocktail, even though you are not in the mood to drink alcohol.

—x—

Heaving out a sigh you grip onto your phone as you look at the time displayed on your screen. 12:37. It has been more than an hour since Changmin walked away to have a talk with Juyeon, and still there was no sight of him.

Getting up from the stool, you hand the bartender the money you owe him as you start walking away from there to search for Changmin.

Going around the dance floor, there was no sight of Changmin. Getting worried, you go up to the second floor to search for him. He should most probably be there, right?

Walking up the stairs you start feeling nauseous, being around all those drunk people whose bodies kept on brushing against yours made you sick. You could smell all the sweat which made you want to throw up.

As you reach the second floor, you start walking towards the spread-out couches. Looking around you could feel your legs coming to an immediate halt when you saw Changmin talking with some other person, a woman to be exact.

You could not believe your eyes, he left you there all alone while he was chit-chatting with some other girl.

Taking slow steps towards him you noticed Changmin look up at you, but his eyes did not sparkle like they used to before.

“Hey, I was looking for you…” you say quietly. Too afraid to speak any louder knowing your voice may break if you do so. “I think I will leave now. You can have fun and stay back. I don’t feel so good anyway!” You say in a rushed tone as you turn on your heels and walk away from there.

You expected Changmin to come after you, too, maybe drop you off or something but when you did not feel any presence behind you, you lost all hope.

Exiting the club, you remove your heels and hold them in your hands as you sit down on the footpath, too heartbroken to even think about looking for a ride back home.

Looking up at the night sky, you stare at the moon shining its light down on you brightly.

Sniffing you bite back your tears as the previous scene keeps on playing back in your mind. You knew you were gonna lose him, it was obvious, but you did not want to let him go.

Flashback ends

—x—

“Miss, I think it’s enough for now. You’re drunk, and we need to close. Could you please call someone who could pick you up?” You hear the bartender say to you. Looking up at him you nod your head and stand up from your chair.

Stumbling on your way to the exit, your hands hover above his contact name. Despite all the things he has done, why is it that he’s the first person you could think of in this situation? Why is it that your fingers subconsciously clicks on his contact name as you wait for him to pick up?

“Hello?” You heard Changmin’s voice beam through the other line. Heaving out a sigh you sit down on the very footpath you were on when you encountered Changmin with the girl that day.

“Could you pick me up?” You slur out. From the way you were speaking, Changmin caught onto the fact that you were drunk.

“Where are you?” You hear him ask while telling him the name of the club you hang up on him before he could reply back.

Staring down at your empty hands, your mind drifts back to the time when you started noticing Changmin distancing himself from you.

The way he would always space out while you were talking, the numerous times he reached home late with the smell of a different perfume on his clothes.

—x—

Flashback

It was a day everyone was eager for; you guys were gonna graduate. A new era and a chapter were about to begin tomorrow.

You were more than excited for this day; you graduated from university with flying colours, you already applied for different jobs which you were sure you would enjoy, but most of all, you were happy that you were able to share this moment with Changmin.

You knew he was happy about graduating, but there was something else on his mind.

Approaching you with Juyeon beside him, he stood right beside you while he held onto your waist as he told Juyeon to click a picture of you both together.

Looking up at his face you noticed the difference in them, he was not smiling like usual.

You wanted to push him away, yell at him, ask him why everything changed between you two.

You wanted to scream at him and ask ‘Why were you somewhere else when you were next to me? Why were you thinking about her when I was right there with you? Did you imagine her face when we would kiss?’ You had so many questions, but all of them were left unanswered.

Flashback ends

—x—

“Y/N…” you heard a voice call out your name. Looking up, you saw Changmin getting out of his car as he walked towards you.

Standing in front of you he gently pulled you up as he supported you so you could walk towards his car.

Opening the passenger door, he gently pushed you inside, making sure you were secured by the seat belt.

Hiding your face in your hands, you could feel your tears escaping your eyes, your body shaking with each sob.

“Y/N? What…what happened?” You heard Changmin ask from beside you. Placing his hands on yours, he pulled them down so he could have a better look at your face.

“Everything…everything is wrong…” you sob out, your voice cracking at the end.

“What do you mean?” He asks softly as he wipes your tears away. Pushing his hand away harshly, you look away from him, staring out the window you look out the window.

If the circumstances were different, you would have loved being out with him like this; kissing him in the car underneath the moonlight was something you always enjoyed when you were with him, but who knows he might be doing this with someone else too.

“Why would you do this to me?” You ask softly as you turn your attention back to him.

“I don’t get it…” he says softly as his face displays nothing but confusion.

“Why can’t I be the only one in your life? Why did you have to cheat on me? Why?” You sob out as you hit his chest multiple times with your fist.

“I…I am sorry.” Was all he said as he gripped your hands in his, stopping you from hitting him. His hold was still gentle, but his gaze wasn’t. It did not hold the same love in them like it used to and it pained you more knowing you were not the girl in his heart anymore.

“Were you thinking about her with your hand on my waist? Were you thinking about her face whenever we kissed? Was her name in your mind even when I was with you?” You question him, letting out your feelings and not having the strength to keep them in anymore.

Sighing, Changmin let your hands go as he looked ahead of him; nodding his head he could hear your sob escape.

“I hate the fact that you’re not there with me when I wake up...I hate the fact that you would run out for her, even if it’s the middle of the night. I still think about our very first kiss, but it pains me knowing it’s not the same for you.” You ramble out.

“I am sorry…” was all he said again.

“You know what’s more funny? I feel lonely even when you’re with me because it feels like you’re never around anymore. I would rather be alone than feel lonely…” you say with frustration as you move your hair out of your face. Chucking you rest your head on the seat to try to calm yourself down, “You know it’s funny how you’re gonna leave me now that I am in love with you. Can I do that to my problems too? Will they leave me if I fall in love with them? Because I don’t think I have the energy nor the strength to do anything.” You say as a tear slips down your eyes onto your cheeks.

“Don’t say that, please…” he says as he tries to grab your hand, only for you to push it away.

“Did you even give a fuck about me, Ji Changmin? Was this all just a game for you?” You say as harshly wipe your tears.

“No, I did love you, but…but she’s different, Y/N. I feel more free around her…” he says, his voice coming out small.

“So you’re saying I tied you down?” You ask with hurt visible in your eyes.

“No!” He screams in panic.

“Well, that’s what you implied!” You scream back at him.

You spare him one last look as you grip onto your bag, “Let’s break up…I cannot do this anymore.” You say as you open the door and leave the car.

Sipping on your coffee as you look out the window, it has been three months since your break up with Changmin.

You did everything you could to move on from him, you jumped from one guy to another but that did nothing since your mind seemingly drifts off to Changmin at the end of the day.

To stop that you even tried going to clubs to get wasted but what you did notice was the fact that you would come back home drunk and cry yourself to sleep while thinking about Changmin only to wake up with a severe headache and a hangover the next day.

You stopped looking after yourself; you did not even eat properly and drowned yourself in work which was not a good decision because you ended up fainting from fatigue.

As of now, you were still on the path of moving on from Changmin but in a more healthy and positive way.

Maybe what you were looking for right now wasn’t a relationship or a partner; you did not want your new relationship to end like your previous one.

You did not want to feel lonely despite having a partner, you would rather choose to be alone than to feel lonely and let yourself get insecure.

Maybe being in a relationship at the moment wasn’t the right timing for now, maybe in the future you would be happier than you are now.

Now you know that loving one’s self comes before loving another, because would it be fair if you gave all your love to your partner, then leaving nothing to yourself? All you knew was that before you got into another relationship you should love yourself first because what you learned from your relationship with Changmin was that there’s no point in being together with someone if you did not love yourself enough.

Taglist: @cloverdaisies @kimsohn @mosviqu @i520cm @deoboyznet

[lovesickheize]

𔘓 sex with the boyz based on tarot . . .

hyung line version ( sangyeon jacob younghoon hyunjae juyeon )

lee sangyeon

dominant. yeah.

this is not about the romantic, lovey-dovey stuff, it's hardcore sex and plenty of it but in a sex-for-the-sake-of-it sense

promising future that goes on all levels: love, sex, emotions, mentality, spirituality

is probably into mutual masturbation

whatever inhibitions and lack of confidence will disappear. into body worship and praising (giving)

consider hot, pleasurable sex and laughter after it. then, again... and again... passion overdose

sheer raw lust that takes over

into threesomes or sex w more people, doesn't care abt their gender.

experimentalist, exhibitionist & voyeur

honest, harmonious, fulfilling sexual relationships. trust-based sex.

the type of guy to make you fall for him even if you are in a serious relationship & won't give up on you until he gets into your pants and eventually dates you

kinda workaholic so sex is his way to relax

jacob bae

good energy flows into his sexual relationships, making them passionate and loving.

good sexual relationships that are based on trust

prefers the comfort of his home. likes cozy sex

might also be the one who is giving the most in the sexual relationship, but would like to receive a little bit more

likes risky stuff, but hesitates a lot.

skillful and playful

the way he thinks affects his performance. if he's not feeling confident or something's bothering him in his non-sexual life, sex won't be satisfying for neither part.

sometimes he needs a change, maybe wants to try smth new but he's afraid to ask his s/o if they are ok with it. he's shy and won't start a conversation about such matters himself.

kim younghoon

the type to boost your confidence & praise you for the smallest things.

really loyal, is searching for his true soulmate

might have some kind of sex related trauma

his sex life is blocked by illusions and fears, which may manifest as social anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, low self-worth and feelings of repression. 

is afraid to receive what he gives, feels like he's not worth it.

falls in love easily, so one night stands are a no for him after realising he catches feelings after just one night.

jealous sex. lets his frustration out w sex.

crazy passion (like the good leo sun he is), great stamina. can go for a l o t of rounds.

likes to discuss things before trying them in the sheets. he has a lot of not so ordinary fantasies but is too shy to express them.

can be rlly kinky but also rlly vanilla. his sex wants and needs are not static and might even change during the thing.

lee hyunjae

gives and receives the best sexual experiences.

strong sexual desires and spirit of adventure.

experimentalist to the core.

likes sex in unexpected places. he'd take his s/o against the kitchen table or in the pool. there's nothing holding him back.

really confident about himself and what he can do.

would approach the person he is interested in without hesitation or shame. he makes sure there's raw sexual energy that the said person would not be able to resist. BODY LANGUAGE.

angelic-looking guy who is devil in flesh - in a good way.

sex is the most important part of a relationship according to him

extremely powerful sexual compatibility based on deep emotional connection, similar sexual interests and desires as well as physical attraction.

fiery passion, a lot of romance and kisses. speed and sex go together here.

a lot of flirting ( w his s/o ) even if he is in a relationship.

sexual depths with high levels of intimacy and ecstasy. is probably monogamous.

rejection makes him mad. really mad.

he wants his s/o to be open to discuss abt new fantasies and desires, to spice up things. encourages his s/o to always talk abt things that are bothering them in the sheets. needs both sides to be fully satisfied.

lee juyeon

a really happy sexual partner. he loves every type of sex with his s/o.

a strong and powerful partner that likes to dominate.

he always makes sure things are okay before continuing whatever he is doing or trying something new.

he might find it difficult to forgive his s/o if they do something he doesn't like. that can either mean that he needs to talk about new kinks before trying them or that he likes to let out his frustration or jealousy through sex.

friends to lovers through sex is his type of thing.

into threesomes, but needs to know he isn't gonna lose his s/o bcz of it. kinda monogamous but not 100%

would experiment w a same sex partner

voyeur.

tries to make his partner comfortable with new kinks and fantasies and removes shame and guilt about their sexuality, masters communication w them.

eric is back! my baby eric is back<333 so today's song rec is apocalypse by cigarettes after sex cuz it reminds me of him!

-lita.

[juhakx]

Sparkle- Kim Sunwoo

Genre: Angst, fluff, royal!au, princess!y/n

Word Count:15.5k

Inspired by. that one vlive where Sunwoo learns the word ticklish <3

a/n happy birthday to the brightest Sun in the entire world, Kim Sunwoo. your eyes truly do sparkle. 

Being the youngest child of three was extremely boring when it came to royalty. 

“Sangyeon, please escort Yuri out to the gardens before we meet.” Yuri blushes at the King’s command, her hand enveloped by Sangyeon’s when he thinks no one is looking.

“God, they are just–” Chae steals a pastry from the kitchen and twirls, stopping just before her eyes land on Hyunjae. 

You scoff, taking the pastry from her hands. “Both of you, completely incapable of procuring any common sense when men are involved.” 

You’re pleasantly surprised when you take a bite of the pastry, realizing that it was mango-flavored. Your favorite. 

“You’re just saying that because no boy has ever shown interest in you. Nor have you ever shown interest in a boy for that matter.” Chae shakes out of her stupor, eyebrows furrowing when she realizes that her pastry was taken from her hands. 

“I will have you know that plenty of people have shown interest in me,” You scoff, crossing your arms. Your mood had instantly plummeted, Chae’s remarks and the fact that you had devoured the mango pastry within seconds being the cause. 

It wasn’t that men weren’t interested in you. In fact, you and Juyeon had dated for a whole three weeks. That was until you realized you didn’t like him and merely liked that he would bake you cookies. He realized it too. 

Chae’s response is ready on her tongue but she gets cut off. The clock chimes seven, vibrating throughout the castle. The guards begin to escort you to the meeting room as it was the most important day of the week. The weekly briefing happened at the same room, same day, same time, and with, for some reason, the same people. 

You. Chaewon. Yuri. Your father. 

Discussing the kingdom.

For a Friday evening, the content of today's meeting was even more boring than you expected. The rain was making it difficult for the farmers to create good produce. The neighboring kingdom was getting ready for a spring ball. The trip to acquire more horses was a success. If your father wouldn't scold you for it, you might have even let out a yawn.

Peering down at your fingernails, you can't help but pick at them. Your sister's hands were always painted red but because you liked to help the bakers, it would have been redundant knowing how easily they chip amidst the kitchen.

"King! Your majesty!" A royal guard you were somewhat familiar with, Jacob, bursts through the doors, heaving.

"What is it, Jacob?" The King immediately stands, his eyebrows furrowed. Even you shifted to the edge of your seat, ready for something that wasn't the weather forecast. If a guard barged in without permission, something more significant must be going on.

"We found him."

Immediately, your father straightens his back, a grim look on his face.

"Bring him in."

The doors open wide, two other guards dragging in an unidentifiable male. His curly black hair was covering his eyes, and from the looks of his clothes and the shackles around his wrists, he was either homeless or part of the lower class. He was covered in dirt and from what you could make out, even blood. It made you feel silly sitting on a throne next to your sisters while it was clear that this man was in need of dire help–money, a fresh set of clothes, something better than how he was being treated currently.

"So, you're the thief." 

You inaudibly gasp, the reality of the boy standing in front of you settling in.

He had been the topic of many weekly meetings. A thief. First, it started with stealing bread, then it got worse. Suddenly, expensive items from houses were being stolen. Artifacts from libraries. There had been no news of him recently, just that the thievery kept happening. Well, no news until now.

He shakes his head, his hair settling onto his forehead and out of his eyes. You suck in a breath.

He was gorgeous.

His eyes were a pretty brown. Now that you could see them, certain mirth pooled in them. His eyelashes were long, time almost moving in slow motion as he blinked. There was nothing to compare to his bone structure, it was unfair, really.

You snap out of your enamor when he begins to chuckle.

“The one and only,” He smirks.

Chae scoffs from beside you, but you can’t help but examine his face once more. As if he can sense your eyes on him, his eyes snap toward yours.

Your eyes widen, but he doesn’t react. His smirk only widens. When your father realizes he’s looking at you, he walks forward and blocks your view from the chained man.

“If you care about your life even the slightest, then you will look only at me and address me with respect.”

It was times like these when you realized just how intimidating your father, the King, was. He was able to switch from the man who raised you for 13 years on his own after your mother died with so much love and compassion to someone you could barely recognize. He was always cruel when it came to criminals.

“You see, your majesty, when did I ever say I care for my life?” He spits out. Even though there was venom in his voice, the smirk on his face remained.

The King doesn’t say anything in response. Instead, he examines his face as if he was searching for an answer.

“Fine,” The King says, backing away. “Tell me your name.”

Not a question, but a command.

The unnamed man doesn’t respond. You can’t help but mentally plead for him to start listening to your father. He could be a cruel man and there isn’t much you can do if he doesn’t cooperate.

Before you can blink, the King takes his boot and slams it against the thief’s chest, sending him flying backward. The shackles around his wrists remain intact, but the grip the guards have on him doesn’t. He’s closer to the door now and if he wanted to, he could have attempted to flee. But instead, he starts laughing maniacally as he lies on the ground, facing the ceiling. You grimace and look away. 

“You have no right to know my name. You treat your kingdom like shit and leave the poor to fend for themselves. A true king would already know the name of his citizens–” He pauses, cocking his head to the side. “Especially one that’s a thief, no?”

Chae scoffs once again and you wish that sometimes she would simply keep her mouth shut. You glance at Yuri on the other side of the King’s throne. Her gaze seemed analytic as if she was waiting to see how this would play out. As the next queen, she must feel entitled to do so. All you can hope is that she sees the truth behind this as well. 

He, and many others, were suffering and the kingdom was doing nothing to help. 

“Jacob?”

“Kim Sunwoo. Born April 12, age 23. The firstborn with a younger sister, age 11. Both of his parents died when he was 15.”

The thief, who you now know is named Sunwoo, stares blankly at the King’s face. You can tell from where you’re sitting that he’s biting the inside of his cheek as if he was contemplating something. 

“Kim Sunwoo, I think you are underestimating my power.”

“I think you’re underestimating how loyal your dogs are.”

Your breathing stops, ready for the King to do his worst. If he just didn’t fight back. 

“Fine,” The King pauses, walking up to Sunwoo’s sprawled body. “I declare Kim Sunwoo charged with the capital offense of trespassing on private property, stealing food, jewels, and official artifacts. He is to be hung for his crimes.”

Your breath catches in your throat. Even for the King, this was extreme. He hadn’t even heard Sunwoo out yet, not that Sunwoo pleaded for him to do so. It still wasn’t fair. And it made you sick. 

Sunwoo doesn’t react and you don’t expect him to. This seemed like someone who hadn’t been granted kindness before. You wait for Yuri to say something. You had already lost all faith in Chae after hearing her unsaid thoughts earlier. Yuri would say something. You’re sure she will.

You glance over at Yuri but she remains still, her hands clasped over her crossed legs. It’s not until the King mutters something about taking him away that you realize something must be said, and no one would say anything but you.

“Stop!” You find yourself blurting out. 

Sunwoo’s head snaps up to you. However, your face remains on the King whose eyebrows raise at your defiance. 

“You can not do this,” You dumbly say. 

“Oh, I can and I will,” The King shakes his head and glares at you as if to say ‘We will talk about this later.’ 

Well, what could you lose now?

You stand up. “He’s an orphan, Father–your majesty. He has a younger sister who he takes care of. You can not possibly think death is justifiable for someone who is merely trying to survive.”

If Sunwoo won’t plead, you do. 

“Please. I have not asked much from you, your majesty, but I ask you to rethink this.”

It seems to be working for just a second. For just a second, you can see him pondering your suggestion. 

“Take him to the chambers. Y/N, I would like to talk to you privately.”

It didn’t work. 

Sunwoo’s being taken to the chambers where the guards will prep for execution and then he’ll be hung and it will be nobody’s fault but your own for not trying hard enough. 

“Please, Father–”

“I said I would like to talk to you privately!” His voice booms, echoing throughout the room. The guards take that as their queue to leave, taking Sunwoo by his hands and dragging him out much similar to the way they brought him in. His eyes don’t leave your face once.

Yuri and Chae are escorted out as well, but you can’t even focus on the fact that you were now alone with your father. 

Sunwoo is going to be executed. He is going to die and all that will be left of his family will be a little sister who no longer has parents or a brother. One who will have to bear the repercussions of your own father’s doing. 

“You have made a grave mistake, speaking out like that in front of the guards. You have made it look like I have raised an uncontrollable youngest daughter who does not listen to her father, the King,” He scolds, his voice firm. However, even you know this tone well. His earlier mask was removed. He didn’t sound like the King, he sounded like your father. 

“I’m sorry,” You genuinely say. You want to say more, but you don’t. You could say so much more. 

Your father waits for a second, looking at you expectantly. “Well? Is that it?”

You burst. 

“You’re right, you didn’t raise a daughter like that. You raised a daughter who is compassionate and cares for others and doesn’t dismiss the people of her kingdom when there are so clearly asking for help,” You breathe out. Your chest feels lighter as if you had just let out a secret. Finally, you felt like you were working towards something. 

The King thinks for a few seconds, clearing his throat to break the silence. 

“I’m trusting you with this. You have one shot. Any further disrespect from you or him will not be tolerated.” 

-

“No.”

“Sunwoo,” You start, ready to beg. You hold onto one of the bars to crouch on the floor opposite his cell. It was dirty and grimy, but you didn’t care. You can bribe the guards monitoring you to not report this back to the King later.

“You do not know me well enough to address me,” He plainly says, staring into your eyes. Seeing him up close, he was even prettier than before. He was still dressed in yesterday’s clothes, but if you could pull this off, he would be able to completely transform not just his wardrobe, but his life. 

“Fine,” You huff. “Sunwoo-ssi. Mr. Kim. All I ask is for you to think about it. If you don’t agree, he will execute you and this time it won’t just be a bluff or a cover-up.”

Sunwoo straightens his back that’s leaning against the wall. He uses one of his hands to push himself forward so he was sitting directly in front of you. If the bars weren’t between you, you would be merely centimeters away. You can feel his cool breath fan against your face. 

“I will not work for the same kingdom that has put me and my entire family in the situation that we are in. My parents are 6 feet underground because your majesty could not get his head out of his ass for longer than 5 seconds to realize that his people were dying.” His eyes blaze. “Kill me. Hang me. I do not care, but I will never stoop so low as to pretend that I care for the wellbeing of the King.”

You pause, taking in his words. You didn’t realize just how deep his hatred ran for the King. You almost wanted to lash out and explain how your father was nothing like that, but as soon as you took another look at Sunwoo’s face, you couldn’t do it. 

“You can leave now,” Sunwoo tilts his head towards the guards as if you couldn’t find the exit on your own. 

“I know I’m not the future queen, but I have influence,” You reason, sliding your hand down the bar and steading yourself by placing a hand on the ground. Your calves were starting to burn from crouching, but at this point, it didn’t even matter. “I will talk to the King and Yuri. Tell me what you want to be changed and I will help.”

Sunwoo stares at your face, his eyes searching for something. You feel your heart stop beating when he grabs onto the bars of the cell, his left hand just above yours. He scoots even closer, making direct eye contact with you. 

“Why?”

You blink. 

“Why what?”

“Why help me?”

You find it getting harder to think with Sunwoo’s proximity, so you shuffle a bit further before taking a breath. Sunwoo quirks an eyebrow at you, amused. 

“Well, because I want to,” You state simply. “What good are we doing if there are people suffering in our kingdom?”

You notice a quick flash of surprise pass Sunwoo’s face before he responds. “And what about my sister? Right now she’s staying with a friend, but she can’t stay there forever.”

“She can stay here as well. I am not sure of her interests but if she likes to bake, she could always help the bakers with me or she could help you with your daily tasks. You can bring her here yourself.”

Sunwoo seems appeased by the idea, knowing that there would be a safe place for the two of them to stay. 

“But–” You begin, causing Sunwoo to immediately put his guard back up. His face becomes stoic as if the condition you were going to say would counteract everything good you were offering. “I convinced my father to let you go and come back on your own, but that doesn’t mean people won’t be watching your every step. You could–I mean you could try–to flee, but it won’t work. This is all I could do for you and I’m asking you to take advantage of it. The alternative will always be better than death. For you and for your sister.”

Sunwoo’s hands drop from the bars at your words, almost appalled by your honesty. You can even hear the guards shift at your admission. There was no reason for you to be trying so hard for someone you didn’t know, but there was something different about Sunwoo. He could teach you a great number of things, about parts of the kingdom you had never seen before. He could initiate actual change. Whether he knew it or not, his life was worth something greater than simply surviving. 

You rise, dusting your hands off on your dress. 

When you turn to leave, you hear Sunwoo loud and clear. 

“Thank you, Princess Y/N.”

-

Sunwoo comes back. He comes back three days later with one bag in his left hand and his sister’s hand in his right. You try not to breathe out a sigh of relief but it escapes your lips when you watch him enter past the front gates (which you definitely weren’t watching from your window.)

“I can not believe Father let you do this,” Chae mutters under her breath, working her way down the stairs in front of you. You would have pushed her just strong enough for Hyunjae to break her fall if it wasn’t for your guilty conscience.

Even Hyunjae lets out a hum of agreement as if it was absurd for your father to grant such a request. 

“Believe it or not, he has a lot to offer,” You begin, ready to defend Sunwoo. 

“Like the stolen items?” Chae snorts, immediately smiling when she sees Hyunjae smile at her attempt at a joke. 

“He already returned those,” You stop when Chae does, realizing that Sunwoo would be coming in any moment now. It mildly infuriated you that he would have to see people who belittled him upon his entrance. “Also, I would refrain from speaking ill of him around him,” You fade into a whisper, “Because who knows what could fall from my lips in front of Hyunjae.”

Chae gasps but it’s swept into the air as the doors to the main entrance of the castle open. Though Sunwoo came in with no guards accompanying him, as you promised, that didn’t mean that they didn’t stiffen in his presence. 

Sunwoo’s younger sister, Nabi, from what you gathered, seemed to display a million emotions on her face at once. It went from awe to fear to wonder within just seconds. When her eyes land upon you, her eyes widen a little. 

“Sunwoo,” You breathe out, unintentionally forgetting there were people all around you. You clear your throat. “Sunwoo, I am glad you made it back safely.”

Even though Nabi was years younger than you, you barely have to lower yourself to speak to her. She seemed to have the same genetics as her brother–tall, black curly hair, tan skin. The similarities were uncanny. 

“And who might this be?” You ask, wanting Nabi to introduce herself. 

“Nabi. My name is Nabi,” She speaks clearly, her head lifting in confidence. “And you are Princess Y/N.”

You nod your head in assurance, smiling lightly. Nabi smiles back as well, but your attention drifts to Sunwoo. An unfamiliar look crosses his eyes before he shakes his head as if he was breaking himself from a trance. 

“I asked her what she would want to do if we decided to come here and she said she would love to pick up baking. I recall you saying you spent some time in the kitchen because you liked to bake as well so I am sure the two of you will get to know more of each other.”

Nabi shakes her head vigorously, agreeing with him on something that seemed only apparent to her. “My brother told me that the one with long hair and darker eyes was you and that you were the kind one who liked to bake,” She continues to nod, leaning in closer to you so only Sunwoo and you could hear her. “He said the one with short hair was mean and to stay away from her.”

“Nabi,” Sunwoo scolds, pulling her closer to his side as if you would take her away from him because she spoke ill of your sister (not that it wasn’t true.)

You glance over at Chae who was watching your every move. At this point, it was just the guards, Sunwoo, Nabi, Chae, and you left. Hyunjae left a bit ago, probably to inform the King of Sunwoo’s arrival. 

“What did she say?” Chae immediately stiffens, realizing that you were talking about her. 

“She was commenting on how pretty all of us were. She said she liked your hair,” You immediately reply, smiling at Chae. A little white lie won’t hurt. Even Nabi must sense not to correct you because she shyly peeks up from behind Sunwoo and simply nods. 

“Oh,” Chae breathes out. “Thank you.”

When the silence begins to settle in, you reach out for Nabi’s hand, gesturing for her to come forward. “Come, I will show you where you will be staying.”

“Nonsense,” Jacob steps forward, holding his hand out. “I can guide them to their rooms.”

“I will show them,” You tightly smile up at Jacob. Though Jacob was a kind guard, you can’t help but remember the time that he spewed out information about Sunwoo’s past in front of the King for him to use against Sunwoo. 

Sunwoo’s grip on his bag tightens but he gently releases it once Jacob lowers his hand. 

“Yes, Princess Y/N.”

Nabi settles her hand into yours as you begin to lead the way to where the two of them would be staying. The castle itself was gigantic and although you found yourself lucky enough that your father allowed Sunwoo and Nabi to stay here and redeem themselves by working in the castle, he was still wary about Sunwoo’s proximity to your rooms. He pushed for Sunwoo and Nabi to each have their own rooms in a different wing of the castle. 

“This place is so big,” Nabi murmurs. You look back to watch her expression and it seems Sunwoo looks over at her too because a wide grin adorns his face. 

“Wait until you see the kitchen,” You reply. You hear her shriek from behind you. 

Sunwoo laughs and it immediately brings a smile to your face. What a beautiful laugh. 

After a few more minutes of walking, you were brought to the rooms Sunwoo and Nabi would occupy. 

“This is Nabi’s room,” You open the door, and Nabi immediately lights up. 

“Sunwoo,” She stays by his side, tugging at his sleeve. “Am I dreaming?”

“No, Nabi,” Sunwoo chuckles. “Go, check it out.”

Nabi runs into the room, running her hands along everything. The dresser, the bed, the desks. When she opens her dresser, a few dresses litter the inside. 

“I was not informed of your size so I gathered some old ones from the three of us. We should be able to get you tailored pretty quickly so everything will fit you.” You pause, “Well, unless you do not wish to dress in clothes like this because I know they can be quite uncomfortable if–”

Sunwoo's hand brushes your arm and you immediately stop talking. 

“This is great. Say thank you, Nabi,” Sunwoo calls out to his sister who is off in her own world. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Nabi nearly shouts, taking out a purple dress that used to be Yuri’s when she was younger. “Don’t you believe this would look amazing on me?”

“Go wash up and try it on,” You encourage, nodding your head toward the bathroom. Nabi gleams in response. “I will show Sunwoo where he is staying in the meantime. He is just across from your room so he won’t be far. Call for me if you need any help, alright?” 

After Nabi basically kicks the two of you out of her room to utilize her new bathroom and try on her new wardrobe, you close the door to give her some privacy. You turn to face Sunwoo but he doesn’t back away, keeping you trapped against the door. 

“Your room is just–” You try, lifting your hand to gesture to the door behind him. Sunwoo stops you once again, placing his hand on your elbow. 

“I might regret saying this, but you were right. Nabi, she–” Sunwoo pauses, looking over at the shut door. “She deserves something like this. She deserves something good and I am grateful for you giving me–us, a second chance.”

He glances back over at you and you pause at the sight of his eyes. His once stormy eyes were brighter. Lighter, even. Like beneath the storm peeked just the smallest ray of sunshine. There was something new in his eyes. 

Hope.

-

Nabi was an extremely passionate baker. 

That did not mean she was any good. 

"How was I supposed to know how much sugar it needed?" Nabi wails, putting her head in your lap when you sit for a break. It had been approximately one week since Sunwoo and Nabi had arrived and four days since Nabi began baking with you.

 You hadn’t seen much of Sunwoo around except in passing. After you showed Sunwoo his room, he almost made it his mission not to interact with your family, especially the King. He kept his distance, still upholding his responsibilities. And because the King had a certain vendetta against him, there wasn’t a second where he wasn’t running from one side of the castle to the other, delivering items, restocking cabinets, or even cleaning after meals. 

He always took two meals into his room, the other for Nabi who also didn’t eat with the other workers. You wanted to ask Nabi about it, but she didn’t bring it up so you didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. However, sooner or later, you needed to talk to Sunwoo. You needed more information on where to start helping the area he was from.

“Nabi, how did you manage to get flour all over you?” You ask, giggling when noticing the absolute mess Nabi had made. Haknyeon, the main baker, left the kitchen as yours for the night and you wanted to give Nabi some extra help so she could be more comfortable in the kitchen. However, it was evident that more than a night’s work was needed before she could get there. 

“Well, looks like Nabi is enjoying herself,” You pause at the voice. 

“Sunwoo! Sunwoo! Look what Y/N made,” Nabi gleams, pointing at the banana pudding you made earlier with Nabi. In the process, flour falls from her hands, littering the floor. 

“Nabi, can you please wash up,” You ask, reaching for a couple of towels to clean the mess up. 

“Let me,” Sunwoo immediately steps forward, taking the towels from your hands before you can argue. 

“Sunwoo, you have to try the pudding Y/N made. I tried to follow the steps and it definitely did not taste the same. Maybe the bananas were better in the other batch.”

“Yes,” Sunwoo elongates the end of his word. “That must be it.”

Sunwoo gets up from the ground after cleaning the mess. For someone who had been avoiding your presence entirely, he didn’t show any indifference. 

“Thank you,” You nod your head at Sunwoo and he smiles. “You should really have some of the pudding.” 

Sunwoo pauses. 

It was impossible to tell what was running through his head. He almost seemed uncomfortable being offered pudding. 

“Here,” You offer, picking up the pudding and taking a spoon of it, holding it to his mouth. “I know I made it, but I promise in my completely unbiased and honest opinion that it is really good.”

A small smile appears on Sunwoo’s face but he still appears hesitant. 

“You don’t have to–” You begin, lowering the spoon. Your lips begin to turn downwards and you’re ready to spin at your heels, highly embarrassed. 

Before you can completely lower it, Sunwoo lowers his head and wraps his lips around the spoon. Your mind blanks for a fraction of a second as you watch Sunwoo’s lips move against the curve of the spoon, pulling away. 

Even though he backed away, the image of Sunwoo’s closed eyes in your near proximity remained. He must notice too, because he lets out a little laugh, snapping you out of your daze. You finally lower the spoon. 

Nabi breaks the silence, her hands finally clean. 

“Well, did you like it?”

You turn around, your cheeks flamed. Oh, that was so embarrassing. It would be surprising if you ever showed your face to Sunwoo again. 

“It was very good,” The smirk on Sunwoo’s face was evident. God, you would rather he go back to ignoring you. How he went from bashful to confident in seconds was beyond you. “Being fed from the hands of a pretty princess, my how my luck has changed.”

Your eyes widen. You decide to make yourself busy organizing the leftover pudding cups. Not that they needed to be organized, but no one needed to know that. As long as your back was to Sunwoo, you were safe. 

“You think Y/N is pretty?” Nabi asks, taking a bite out of a pudding cup she picks up from your tray. 

“Of course, Nabi. I think Y/N is very pretty. Don’t you?” Sunwoo talks as if you weren’t in the room and you’re somewhat glad because your face was burning so brightly that if he was addressing you, he might think you were having a heat stroke. 

“She is very pretty. Is that why you told me that–” Nabi gets cut off, Sunwoo clearing his throat loudly. 

“Now is a very good time for me to make my way to bed. Nabi, you should go to bed soon as well.”

Before Sunwoo can move, you speak up. “Actually,” You begin, “I needed to speak with you.”

Your back was still to Sunwoo so you couldn’t tell his reaction nor even begin to predict what was running through his mind. 

“About what?” Sunwoo’s voice goes back to his ‘I refuse to feel any emotion or acknowledge the fact that I’m living here’ tone.

“I wanted to hear your input, you know, about somewhere we can start. To help the others,” You turn. 

You watch him let out a breath of relief. 

“Tomorrow, at noon. Can you meet me in the gardens?”

Sunwoo hesitates. “I have–”

“I’ll take care of it. You have the day off tomorrow. We need to begin planning,” You smile at him. A genuine smile so he knows you’re being serious.

“Alright,” He breathes out. He repeats, “Alright.”

-

You arrived 15 minutes before you were supposed to. You told Sunwoo to arrive at noon, but when you arrived, you cursed yourself for coming earlier. It was starting to get extremely cold out, and you wished you had chosen somewhere indoors to have this talk with Sunwoo, but no place was as beautiful as the castle gardens. 

That, and after you got permission from your father to speak to Sunwoo, he told you to do it outside so the guests wouldn’t see the interaction. You wanted to say that if the royal guards cared so much at seeing you talk to Sunwoo, they should take a good look at–

“Princess,” Sunwoo greets, causing you to turn around. You immediately flush, or your cheeks were already pink because of the cold, you couldn’t tell.

“Hello,” You greet, sitting down on the bench now that he was there. “Come, take a seat,” You gesture. 

He takes a seat on the same bench as you, but you don’t fail to notice how it’s on the opposite end. You found yourself grateful that he wasn’t any closer. 

“So,” You begin, turning your head towards him. “I was thinking you could tell me about your childhood, or the way you grew up. Or if you don’t want to tell me, you could tell me about what you saw others going through. I just want to know the best way I can help,” You sincerely say. 

Sunwoo nods his head, listening intently to your every word. It takes him a minute of contemplating before he begins. 

“Before my parents died, sorry–” He pauses, clearing his throat. “We were never well off, even before my parents died. My father worked in the fields as a farmer and my mother couldn’t work because after having Nabi, she became extremely weak. Almost as if breathing was enough to make her life tiresome.”

You press your lips into a straight line. Sunwoo refused to look at you, staring at the grass as he spoke. 

“I tried to help as much as I could, but even then it wasn’t enough. One day, my father came back from the fields, coughing terribly. We thought it was just a cold or, sometimes, when he smoked cigars with his friends, his lungs couldn’t take it but he would recover within days. Apparently, there was a disease spreading among the field workers. My father was one of the first to catch it. You don’t understand Princess Y/N,” Sunwoo turns to you, a wild rage in his eyes. “It spread like wildfire. We all caught it. Somehow, it didn’t hit the younger children as hard. After I recovered, I nursed Nabi back but within days, both of my parents were just–Dead. Gone,” Sunwoo’s voice cracks. “Your King–Your father–you know what he did? He called in for more field workers and burned the bodies.”

Sunwoo’s heaving at this point. God, you want to reach out so badly. Put a hand across his for comfort, but there was nothing you could do to make something like this okay. To know this was happening–to know that your father knew this was happening. 

“I had to watch them burn my parent's bodies. I was only fifteen! Fifteen for God’s sake!” Sunwoo gets louder, and not before long, there are tears falling down his face. 

“Sorry, sorry,” He repeats, wiping his face with his sleeve. He turned back so you couldn’t face him. 

“Do not apologize,” You whisper. Your heart breaks at his admission. You feel tears begin to form in your eyes but push them away. This was something Sunwoo had to carry on his own for years. It would be selfish to cry. “Sunwoo–” You frown. You watched Sunwoo’s shoulders slump. 

You scrambled for ways to console him. “I–It’s–”

“It’s okay,” He breathes heavily, turning back to face you. “It was years ago. But if you wanted to know why I–Why I loathe every fiber of the King’s being. Even if he’s provided me with this life, none of it would have ever happened if the conditions he made people work under were safe and provided people with proper care,” A broken smile reaches his face. “You know the rest. I couldn’t care for Nabi and work and still provide us shelter and food and water. So I stole. Then I sold it. And now I’m here.”

His eyes were swollen, and this time you did reach out. You brush a stray hair out of his face and cup his cheek in the process. Another tear rolls by and you wipe it away. 

“I know I can’t make this okay, but I will find a way to help. And I will get you out of here. I know how much it must hurt living here and taking orders from–” You pause, not wanting to speak of him. “Give me some time to come up with something.”

Sunwoo chuckles, taking the hand that rested on his cheek into his hands. “Believe it or not, but this isn’t the worst place I have had to live. Not to mention, Nabi loves it here. I don’t see the King often. I tend to get my orders from Sangyeon and all he does is speak about Yuri. I have you to thank for where we are now and though I would take back what happened in a heartbeat, there are worse fates out there. And you were right,” He whispers. “I was very close to becoming subject to one of those. So thank you. For everything.”

You nod, your cheeks flushing once again. Sunwoo’s effects on you were nearly instantaneous. 

“You have the rest of the day off, to do as you please. I am sorry you don’t receive more of these days. I know my father runs you rampant.”

A small smile appears on his face. He plays with your fingers that reside in his lap. “I am almost thankful for it. It keeps my mind off things. I also run into you every blue moon, which is most definitely the highlight of my days.”

Your eyebrows furrow, confused. “Me? You avoid me as if your life depends on it, Sunwoo.”

This time. Sunwoo appears confused, tilting his head to the side. You try not to notice that he was still holding your hand. 

“Trust me, Princess, I am never avoiding you. In fact, I try to seek you out more days than not.”

Your head falls forward and your lips part. He had to be playing with you. 

“Sunwoo. That can not possibly be true. I mean, every time I even look at you you turn your head the other way.”

Sunwoo’s cheeks darken at your words, and you immediately wish you could take them back. 

“Oh,” He breathes out. “That.” He lets go of your hand.

“I am sorry, I did not mean to embarrass you or–,” You shake your head, looking for the right words. “You are in no way inclined to look at me, I mean–I do not mean that you have to acknowledge me, besides that sounds absolutely outrageous–”

Sunwoo cuts you off. “You intimidate me,” He admits. 

“Intimidate you?” You immediately say, even more confused than before. “Me? I would get it if you said Chaewon intimidated you or even Yuri considering she is in line to become queen, but… Me?”

A shy smile appears on his face. “I can hold myself together just fine with your sisters. Yuri is even kind to me. But…” Sunwoo trails off. “I want to look at you, and trust me, I do. But when you look back–”

Sunwoo gets interrupted by a guard, calling for you. You grimace, wishing you had more time with him. You wanted to know what he had to say even though you had a feeling where he was going. When you looked at him, it always felt like time stopped. Like you were transfixed by the stars in his eyes. 

You begin to get up and Sunwoo watches your every movement as you do. Before you leave, you faintly touch his shoulder. 

“Sunwoo,” You murmur. He looks up at you. “Thank you.”

The stars in his eyes make a reappearance. 

-

It felt like the darkest night of the year. Everyone knew why. When it felt like it got dark much earlier and sunlight rarely filtered in, it could only mean one thing. 

It was snowing. 

You watch the flakes begin to fall from your window. Even though it was dark out and many had already gone to bed, you couldn’t help but watch the snow. Winter was your favorite time of the year, the snow reminding you of the memories you have of playing outside with your siblings and parents before everything changed. Before Yuri had to worry about becoming Queen or Chae’s only focus in life being Hyunjae. Before your mother died. 

If the timeline added up, you realized that Sunwoo’s parents died right after your mother did. You couldn’t relate to Sunwoo in many ways, but you saw the way your father grieved when your mother died. He became angry all of a sudden. To everyone. The last thing you wanted to do was justify his actions, but it pained you to remember him like that. But it also pained you to see Sunwoo the way you did this past week. God, as if your life couldn’t get any messier. 

You had spent the entire week in your room. Contemplating. Thinking. Slowly, a plan began to form in your head. Before you brought anything to your father, you wanted a full-fledged plan ready, all the way down to the minor details. He would have to listen, especially if you got Yuri in on it. 

Something pulls at your heart as you continue to stare outside. It had been years since you last played in the snow. It was with your mother. She would throw a mean snowball. The corner of your lips lifts up at the memory. 

Before you can think it through, your feet are leading you out your door. Yuri would be asleep, an early morning ahead of her. Chae was out of the question considering you could already hear her complaints run through your head. There was only one person you wanted to see anyway. 

When you finally get to the other side of the castle, you raise your hand, ready to knock. It stays there for a second as you contemplate knocking on his door. There was a lot that could go wrong. But, the possibility of him agreeing made your heart surge with hope. 

You knock on his door. 

When a few seconds pass, you realize he isn’t coming out. You frown, disappointed. He was probably asleep. You turn at your heel, beginning to walk away from his door. 

You freeze when you hear the door handle wiggle. 

“Princess?” Sunwoo calls out, confused. 

When you turn, the first thing you realize is that his chest is bare. You control yourself by looking nowhere but his eyes. You did notice the trousers that seemed to be put on in a rush. 

“Sorry–I–” He seemed anything but sorry with a small grin on his face as he watched your eyes accidentally drift below his neck once more. “I was not aware you were at my door. Is something wrong?”

“It’s snowing,” You dumbly say, remaining outside his door.

“I–” He pauses, his eyebrows furrowing. “I know, I saw.”

There was a moment of silence, causing Sunwoo to speak. “Is there something wrong with it snowing? Do you not like snow?”

“I love the snow.” 

Sunwoo lets out a laugh at your answer, realizing you were still mildly in a trance. You shake your head lightly, hating the hold Sunwoo’s stomach had on you. It wasn’t your fault, really, considering his chest was extremely defined and it’s not like you didn’t not expect it to be defined but it was much better than how you imagined in your head and his arms also looked really–

“Do you wish to go outside with me?” You blurt. 

“Now?” Sunwoo asks, unsure. He leans up against his door, rubbing his left eye. 

“No.” You immediately say realizing he must definitely think you’re absurd if he knew you wanted to go play in the snow well past midnight. “I meant– Later..? Or the day after. Anytime. You can. If you want to. That is.”

You feel the earth begin to crumble below you as Sunwoo’s grin transforms into a full-blown smile. “Let me put on more clothes.”

Sunwoo closes the door and you release a breath of air, slouching now that he could no longer see you. 

“So embarrassing,” You whine to yourself, shuffling to the wall next to his door to lean your forehead against it. “You are so embarrassing. It is a shock that you are allowed outside of your room. In fact, you are the furthest thing from royalty this kingdom has ever seen. You–”

The door opens to Sunwoo’s room and you back away acting as if the last minute never happened. 

“Ready?” He asks, holding out his hand for you. 

You smile, letting your worries leave your body. “I will have to lead the way.” You wanted to take Sunwoo through an exit that was unknown to many. 

“Lead the way, Princess.”

When your boots first make contact with the snow, you can’t help but smile at the crunch. Outside, the landscape was even prettier than through your window. There was a certain glow that twined the sky because of the snow. You wanted to stick your tongue out like you did when you were a kid and feel the snowflakes stick to your tongue. 

You turn to Sunwoo and softly smile, noticing the awe on his face. 

It isn’t long until you venture further, feeling the snow brush up against your fingers as you sift through it. 

Whether it was the fact that everyone was asleep but the two of you or that you were playing in the snow like little children, neither you nor Sunwoo could stop laughing. 

“That is a terrible attempt at an angel,” Sunwoo laughs, pointing at the ground. Underneath the moonlight, his eyes truly twinkled in a way that left you breathless. You couldn’t even bother to jab back at Sunwoo for making fun of the angel you drew on the ground with a stick. 

“Try this,” He begins, laying down on the ground. “My mother taught me this. If you just–” He wipes his hands back and forth on the ground and gets up. “Look, an angel.”

You tilt your head to the side, furrowing your eyebrows yet smiling at his creation nonetheless. “It does look like an angel. At least, it does when I tilt my head and then close my eyes.” 

Sunwoo gasps, twirling around so he was face-to-face with you. “Take it back!”

“Absolutely not,” You giggle, realizing he was inching closer to you. You run the other way, knowing his intentions. 

“Get back over here!” Sunwoo laughs, running after you. You attempt to run through the snow however your nightgown made it extremely difficult to do so. Even though you were used to the cold, you can’t help but shiver as you stomp through the snow. The impending presence behind you was definitely a factor.

The side of the wing you were outside of resided for guests, so thankfully no one could hear you shriek as Sunwoo grabbed your hand, causing you to twirl around.

Sunwoo lets go of your hand way too quickly for your liking and you can’t help but frown when he does. 

“Caught you,” He whispers, smiling up at you through his lashes. “An apology is definitely in order. My angel was beautiful.”

You stutter, feeling panic begin to arise at his proximity. He looked so beautiful underneath the moon that it was almost criminal. He brought his hand up, brushing his curls out of his face. “Beautiful, yes.” You breathe out. 

When Sunwoo laughs, you’re almost offended.

“Stop!” You complain, pushing him slightly. “You are so unfair. And–And–Stop doing that!” You turn around, crossing your arms across your chest and frowning. 

Sunwoo ceases laughing after a moment and he gently holds your elbow, nudging you. “Stop doing what?”

“Your eyes,” You move forward, out of his grasp. You flail your arms out, annoyed. “You–Your eyes have–You always–They are pretty. And you look at me and they sparkle.” 

You cover your hands with your face, realizing you were making absolutely no sense and were definitely making a fool out of yourself. You feel him move from behind you, his body heat traveling in front of you. 

He takes one of your hands off your face first, bringing it down and holding it. He repeats the same motion with your other hand. 

He does it again, that stupid thing with his eyes where they twinkle with something that you just couldn’t put your finger on. It was infuriating because there was no reason for you to find this grown man cute but, you do. He was cute but also beautiful but also pretty and it was infuriating. 

“Sparkle?” He questions, a grin on his face. “What does that mean?”

You begin to shy away, thinking he’s making fun of you again but the tilt of his head and the glint in his eyes makes you understand that he’s being genuine. 

“Stars, in your eyes,” You try to explain but it comes off as more of a question than a statement. 

He hums, nodding his head. He lets go of your right hand, brushing a hair that fell in front of your eyes. You pause, holding your breath as if you were afraid to move. 

“If they s-sparkle?” You nod your head, encouraging him with the word. “It is because I am looking at something so bright.” He smiles, letting go of your other hand as well. 

Before you’re even given a second to breathe, Sunwoo backs away. “It is getting colder, you should go inside and get some sleep.”

You nod your head, hoping that he can’t hear the rapid beating of your heart. 

You sneak back in, Sunwoo diverging from your path when he gets to his room, leaving with a lazy smile and a quiet goodbye. When you arrive at your room, you change out of your clothes and lie in your bed, a smile on your face the entire time. 

-

Books littered your bed. You continued to flip through them hoping for something that you could make for Yuri’s birthday that was coming up. There were plenty of cooking books in your library but you had flipped through most of them already with it being a tradition that you bake something every year for your sister’s birthdays. Between figuring out a plan to bring up to your father and Yuri’s birthday, you’ve been extremely busy.

You groan, hitting your head against the bed as you sat on the ground, closing yet another book. When you hear a knock at the door, you call for them to come in, helping yourself up off the ground. 

“Princess Y/N.”

You visibility stutter, looking up to see that Sunwoo was the one who had entered your room. 

“Sunwoo,” You breathe out. “Hello.”

“Hello,” He greets, peeking behind you and smiling at the disaster that was your bed. “Doing some light reading?”

A blush arises on your face. “Well, I have to figure out what to bake for Yuri’s birthday. She’s having a ball in a couple of days and I was going to choose something to serve at the party.”

Sunwoo nods his head, a spark of realization running across his face. “Your father sent a letter earlier? I believe. I was supposed to retrieve it.”

You blink, trying to remember what he was talking about. It didn’t help that as usual, Sunwoo looked devastatingly handsome. He was simply wearing a white tunic, but there was something about the shirt that made him stand out. 

“Oh! Yes, it’s right here,” You turn, aiming for your nightstand before you realize that if you give the letter to him right away, he would leave and you wouldn’t get to speak with him. “Actually, I was thinking earlier.”

“Well that can not be good,” Sunwoo laughs. You roll your eyes, turning back around to face him. You step a little closer.

“This is something that may be of interest to you, Kim Sunwoo,” You pause, smiling at him fondly. “I have a plan.”

“What about?” He questions. 

“I had an idea for helping the farmers and the others in your area,” You pause, waiting to continue. When he gives an approving nod, you begin. 

“I wanted to start with providing the extra produce and food to those who need it. Just as something small. And then, maybe building a few safe houses of sorts with extra food and water. Someplace people can just stay if they need it. With an area for people who need medical attention as well. I was thinking–” You move your way around Sunwoo. You can’t help but be animated, your hands gesturing the extent of your plan. “I was thinking we start by hiring people who need work to run it along with some of our own staff to ensure everything’s being run smoothly. And then others can help farm the food for the shelters and help build them too. Obviously being paid for their work because it would feed into our own economy but also help them and–”

Sunwoo’s smiling so wide that you have to stop yourself from talking. You must be making a fool out of yourself, yet he doesn’t stop you once or laugh. 

“Sorry, I haven’t discussed this with anyone yet. I just started thinking about it. But, I think it’s a place to start,” You breathe out. 

Sunwoo takes a step forward, his hand brushing up against yours. “I think it’s a great place to start.”

It was almost like you were oblivious to the fact that your heart was beating so fast in Sunwoo’s presence but you were so aware now that it nearly hurt to think about it. Sunwoo made no further advances, instead staying rooted in his spot with that stupid loving wide smile on his face and you’re sure if he didn’t back away now, you were going to do something stupid like kiss it right off his face. 

“I didn’t think you had it in you,” Sunwoo says, breaking the silence. 

You furrow your eyebrows at the admission. He didn’t think you had it in you to come up with something like this? You promised you would help and you hadn’t even done much to actually help yet.

“Your standards for what you think I can do must be really low, then.” Though you say it jokingly, Sunwoo must notice the hint of insecurity behind it because he searches your eyes before taking a step forward and taking your hand in his. 

There was no way you were going to make it out alive from this.

“That’s not what I meant. I think you are capable of great things, but I have to admit that you don’t fit the perceptions I had of you in the beginning.”

“And what were they?” You question, tilting your head to the side. Sunwoo squeezes your hand as if to assure you. You wonder if his heart was as beating as fast as yours. 

“How about I tell you what I think of you now?” Sunwoo takes a step closer, his warm breath fanning against your face. Your eyes widen at his proximity and Sunwoo must sense your unease because he squeezes your hand again before grinning. 

“What do you think of me now?” You whisper.

“I think you’re not what you seem. I think people expect you to be docile and obedient and sit there and look pretty. And oh, how well you do the latter,” Sunwoo breathes out, letting go of your hand to trail his finger up your arm. It’s the most you’ve ever heard him say at once and you don’t interrupt him, not even the goosebumps arising on your skin diverting your attention. “But there is so much life in you that it is physically impossible for you to keep it contained. You burn, Princess. You burn so bright that I think it’s stupid that I ever thought differently.”

“Sunwoo,” His name comes out shaky from your lips as if you couldn’t get ahold of it properly. So you repeat his name, firmer this time. 

“Hmm,” He hums, his eyes taking in every part of your face. 

“What are you doing?” You blurt out, mentally cursing yourself when Sunwoo takes a step back, assessing the situation.

“Ah,” He exhales. “I’m sorry. I seemed to have crossed a line that I shouldn’t have.” 

Sunwoo continues to back up, in clear disarray. 

“Sunwoo,” You call again as he turns his back to you, ready to leave your bedroom. “I never–I never said you were crossing a line.”

Sunwoo expels a breath at that, turning back around relieved. You shoot him a small smile because, in the end, you understood where he was coming from. Way too quickly did Sunwoo infiltrate your thoughts, and how badly you wanted him to cross much more than just this imaginary line he had in his head. But before he could do that, you needed something definite. Something that proved Sunwoo wanted you just as much as you wanted him. 

Sunwoo chastizes himself. “I seem to lose myself around–” He pauses. “Pretty. Faces.” He grimaces at his own words, and you were glad that even Sunwoo could make a fool out of himself. 

You let out a laugh. 

“I thought I was more than just a pretty face?”

This time, Sunwoo laughs. A real laugh, one that leaves his cheeks littered with a pink blush. 

A sudden knock disrupts your time with Sunwoo. You want to open the door and tell whoever it is to dare and knock on your door again, but Sunwoo backs away. He picks up the letter from the nightstand before looking at you one more time. 

“Just so you know,” He pauses, smiling. “My heart’s burning too. For different reasons, of course.”

-

It was becoming a regular thing for you to see Sunwoo around. He made frequent trips to the kitchen, trying out what you and Nabi had created. Nabi was also slowly getting better, and her presence in the kitchen less of a hazard. Now, you could joke with her about how truly terrible she was in the beginning. With Yuri’s birthday in two days, the two of you worked diligently in getting the pastries ready and they were finally topped and refrigerated. 

It was a long day and your father was out, leaving just the three siblings to eat dinner. The guards never ate with you and neither did the staff, which left you to sit as you watched Sangyeon and Hyunjae talk to your sisters from the sidelines as you ate. 

Today, however, you invited Nabi and Sunwoo to eat with you guys. Sunwoo was hesitant at first, but Nabi begged at his side, wanting to see what the dining hall looked like. Sunwoo could never say no to Nabi, which you were now regretting as you all sat at the table. 

“Nabi, how is baking going?” Yuri asks, a small smile on her face. Though Yuri rarely acknowledged Sunwoo’s presence and Chae visibly glared at him every time he walked by, the two of them adored Nabi. 

“Good! I truly enjoy it so much.” The smile on Nabi’s face is enough to get you to ease up. 

“You know how I told you I was looking into something you can do in your free time? Well, I’ve been speaking with the King about getting you some educational lessons as well when you’re not baking. What do you think about that?” 

Nabi gasps in excitement and you’re glad that there was someone who cared for Nabi in the same way that you do. You were unaware that Yuri was encouraging Nabi when nobody was looking.

Even Sunwoo sends a grateful smile aimed at Yuri. She shyly smiles back. 

“Well, as long as we’re focusing our effort on Nabi, I think our resources are allocated in a beneficial manner.” There’s a tone in Chae’s voice that has you on high alert. You could tell where this was going.

Sunwoo doesn’t say anything but you can see his jaw clench as he takes another bite of his bread. 

You now wish that he was closer than he was. The one problem with having a large dining space was that there were enough chairs for nearly a village. You sat next to Yuri while Chae was on the other side of her. Sunwoo and Nabi sat opposite the three of you with Sunwoo directly across from you. 

You wished he was next to you so that you could console him better than a reassuring glance. You wanted to put your hand atop his or even intertwine his fingers with yours. Something that reinforced your presence. 

“It would be useless to spend time and money on an educator on someone who–Oh, I don’t know–dabbled in, thievery, for example.”

“Chae,” You snap, dropping your fork onto your plate. “Stop.”

“Oh, please.” She turns to you, rolling her eyes. “One would think you wouldn’t make the mistake of defending a thief twice. What kind of image are you portraying to your kingdom?”

“Can we please just enjoy our meal?” Yuri begins, annoyance laced in her tone.

You remain quiet, looking up. There’s a frown on Nabi’s face as she watches Chae. You glance over at Sunwoo. He seemed indifferent but you could clearly see the resentment in his eyes.

At your lack of commentary, she instigates once again. “Don’t tell me you feel something for this insipid–”

“That’s quite enough,” Hyunjae interrupts from behind Sunwoo, his position at the door wavering. He takes a step forward. “Chae.” A warning flashed across his face and Chae leans back into her chair, Hyunjae using her name in front of everyone being the thing that stopped her from continuing. 

Sunwoo abruptly gets up, motioning to Nabi. He doesn’t say a word but she gets the hint, getting up and taking her half-eaten plate with her. When they’re seconds out the door, you push up out of your chair as well. 

 “I have met dogs more behaved than you,” You mutter. “Next time I expect common courtesy and respect, I will make sure not to expect you to be there.” 

Once you leave the dining room, you search for Sunwoo but it doesn’t take long as he latches onto your wrist from where he was hiding behind the door. 

“Sunwoo, I’m so sorry–”

“Thank you.”

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. “For what?”

He lets go of your wrist, cupping your face. Your cheeks flush, overwhelmed by the sudden proximity.

“For defending me. For being so kind,” His eyes flicker between your eyes until they finally rest upon your lips. Like he knows that he shouldn’t, his eyes flutter closed, leaning his forehead against yours. Your heart feels like it’s going to burst out of your chest. You were proud of being the one to elicit such a reaction from him, but you don’t think you’re faring any better. He seemed to be at war with his thoughts, trembling. “You make me so weak, Princess. So, so, weak.”

And as if the words freed him, he lets go of you, backing up. 

“So weak,” He repeats, one more time before turning around and retreating to his bedroom.

-

Yuri’s ball was tonight. Typically, you loved dances. They were a night where you could dance, laugh, and enjoy yourself without having too much attention on you. Tonight, however, as you prepped yourself for the ball, you couldn’t help but frown as you waited for the help you asked for to arrive. It was foolish, standing in front of the mirror with your corset wrapped around you, but you couldn’t tie the strings properly. This seemed like the breaking point of your week considering how yesterday went. You didn’t even want to think about what happened.

You talked to the King. To your father. As much as it felt wrong to retell Sunwoo’s story, you had to. The pain behind Sunwoo’s words was real and you had to make the King see. 

And so you did. 

He admitted his faults, which was surprising for you and for all of those present in the throne room that Friday evening. He ended the weekly meeting early after you declared his faults in front of your sisters and the guards, and as much as you thought he was going to yell at you when he dismissed the meeting, instead, he apologized. 

Which was shocking for all. 

But the most shocking part of it all was how easily the King realized your fondness for Sunwoo. Your mind flashes back to his words. 

“Y/N, I hope you do not take my mistakes in the past as a way for you to become careless. I have vowed to make things right, but you have grown too close to Sunwoo too quickly. Sunwoo was and always will be a thief. Until he makes amends for his mistakes and shows that he is capable of something greater, I do not want you speaking to him.”

You begin to interrupt him, but he cuts you off.

“I will look into your request, but if you wish for him to remain in this castle, you will distance yourself from him.”

It nearly repulsed you to listen to his words. The same Sunwoo everyone made out to be a villain was so gracious and kind and loving. You thought back to last night and how you didn’t want to think it in the moment, but you wanted him to kiss you. Just the thought of him doing that now after your father’s warning released a visceral reaction in your head–a pounding that you swear could only heal if Sunwoo actually put his lips against yours or if he once again, like last night, stuttered his weakness centimeters away from your face. 

A knock disrupts your thoughts.

“Come in.”

It was supposed to be a maid, one of your sisters, anyone but who actually knocked on the door. 

“Hello, princess,” Sunwoo grins. You can spot him from behind you in the mirror and you watch his grin falter as he scans your body. He acts, however, like yesterday didn’t happen. You don’t encourage him, letting yesterday fall to the back of your mind.

“I thought you were someone else,” You breathe out, holding tightly onto the strings of your corset behind your back. Your frown grows just a little deeper. Your hair was brushed off to the side, exposing your upper back. You felt trapped. If you made any sudden movements now, Sunwoo would think you were averting yourself from him which is the last thing you want right now. However, it’s what your father would want–would advise. His words repeat in your head. 

Being around Sunwoo was suffocating, and all you could think about was him. 

“Sorry to disappoint,” He scans your body once more, taking a step closer. 

“I needed–I need help,” You clear your throat. “With the strings.”

“Do you wish for me to do it?”

You contemplate all the possibilities of how this could go wrong. Someone could walk in. Your father could find out that you didn’t listen to him. 

The moment of hesitation causes Sunwoo to clear his throat, readying to exit. 

“Yes, please,” You murmur. 

You watch from the mirror as he makes his way forward, an undecipherable expression on his face. 

His hands brush up against your bare upper back, his hands straying from the strings. Starting from the top, he trailed his finger down your spine down to the beginning to where the strings started. Goosebumps arose on your skin and the only sound that could be heard in the room was the two of you breathing. 

“You must realize how hard it is for me to contain myself around you. You make it so hard for me.”

His fingers finally move to lace up the strings. 

When he pulls, you swallow, your mouth suddenly feeling dry. 

“What do you mean?” You whisper. 

When Sunwoo doesn’t answer, you don’t say anything else, almost afraid that if you said something, it would break whatever barrier he had up. Whatever walls you had surrounded yourself with. Somehow, you knew that if either of you made another move, there would be no going back. 

Your father’s words repeated in your head once again. 

When Sunwoo finishes, you realize that Sunwoo’s not moving. He was letting you decide where this was going next. You could either thank him and let him leave, or act on the one thought that has been plaguing your mind since you first saw Sunwoo. 

You turn, facing him. Your faces are mere inches apart. If you wanted to, you could lean in and finally kiss him. After all, it was your decision to make. Sunwoo was leaving it up to you. 

“If you wish for him to remain in this castle, you will distance yourself from him.”

“Thank you,” You say, looking into his eyes. His intentions were clear after those two words, backing away so he can head for the door. You wouldn’t have noticed his disappointment if not for the way he blinked before he moved away as if he was breaking out of a stupor. 

“Sunwoo,” You call out before he can turn his back to you. You had made up your mind to let him go, but it felt wrong with the way he was leaving.

“Don’t do this,” Sunwoo shakes his head. “You thanked me, now I’m leaving.” 

It was as if he was trying to convince himself that this was for the better. You didn’t want him to think you were toying with his emotions, but even you felt torn. 

“Kiss me,” You blurt out. It was the opposite of what you were supposed to be doing. You were supposed to distance yourself from him, but even now, the few feet he was standing away from you seemed too far for your liking. 

When Sunwoo doesn’t move, his eyes wide at your request, you plead, “Please.”

That has Sunwoo moving across the room, closing the distance between the two of you in seconds. He cups your face in his hands and crashes his lips against yours. This was what you had been waiting for. There was no other moment in your life that could be compared to the euphoria you felt when Sunwoo’s lips were on yours. 

He doesn’t waste any time, trailing his hands down from your face so that they’re on your hips. Your hands rested against his stomach, the same one you had been dreaming about since the night you knocked on his door and he answered, shirtless. 

He pulls away, resting his forehead against yours. “Is this okay?”

You nod, kissing him again as he lowers his hands beneath your thighs, lifting you up. He pauses to bite your lip, causing you to gasp against him. He smiles, “Words, Princess.”

“Yes–Yes, this is okay,” You breathe out. 

Sunwoo lays you down on the bed and as he latches his lips onto your neck, you feel your breathing begin to heavy. His shirt rides up as he moves down to your collarbones, kissing down. You try so hard to contain yourself but feel your resolve begin to quickly crumble when you feel the first brush of his bare stomach against your hands. 

“Can I–” You begin, wanting to finally feel him, but Sunwoo cuts you off. 

“Yes,” He breathes out, kissing back up your neck so that he is face to face with you. “Yes.”

He’s kissing you again and you only wish he wasn’t so you could see where you were touching. You moved your hand further up, pushing his shirt higher until you could feel his chest against you. When you rake your nails against him, he parts, gasping. 

“We should–You should,” His eyes dart between yours and the door. “You should finish getting ready for the party. For Yuri.”

You furrow your eyebrows when he pulls his shirt back down, darting for the door. 

“Sunwoo–” You begin. 

“This was a bad idea,” He mumbles, exiting the door as quickly as he got up off you. 

When Chae comes to get you later, you claim to be sick. You make an appearance for the part of the ball where Yuri cuts her cake and tries the pastries you made for her, but when you retire to bed early, you truly do feel sick when seeing Sunwoo unbothered and attending to the guests. 

-

Distancing yourself from Sunwoo came easily after that. Not only because you were extremely embarrassed and didn’t want to face him, but because Sunwoo was nowhere to be seen. Nabi still spent time in the kitchen, finally honing in on becoming a pretty decent baker. She still talked to you as if nothing happened between you and Sunwoo, so you wonder if he even told her anything. It was better this way anyway considering if he did tell her something, it would most likely be to stop spending as much time with you. 

Your father was more than happy. It was almost like the two were inversely related–your happiness and how everyone else was doing. However, you couldn’t complain knowing that he finally began working on your request to help the villagers. The construction had started a couple of days ago and you and Sunwoo were supposed to ride into the site to see everything. You obviously weren’t going to be alone. The King had multiple precautions in place including putting Juyeon in charge of the visit with strict instructions. 

It didn’t matter. The last thing you wanted was to be alone with Sunwoo. 

“You look miserable,” Juyeon says once he enters the carriage. The ride would take approximately an hour, and you were grateful that you overheard your father telling Juyeon to take his place in the carriage. The smaller carriage typically seated two and although you felt bad for seating Sunwoo with the rest of the workers, you knew that even if you wanted to, the King would never allow Sunwoo to sit with you. 

“You have such a beautiful way with words to this day.” It had been a couple of months since you last saw Juyeon and although there was the awkward period of time where you guys tried dating, that never changed the friendship between you two.

“Y/N,” Juyeon states. The carriage finally begins to make its first movements forward and you hope that Juyeon won’t force you to speak with him for the entirety of the trip. 

“Yes?”

“Look at me.” Something about the way he said it caused you to actually look over at him. You don’t fake a smile or pretend to be anything but you truly were–in a constant state of embarrassment and sadness. 

“Do you want to explain to me why the King has detailed instructions on why I am to keep you far away from Kim Sunwoo?”

You turn your head at his name, not wanting your face to give anything away. Juyeon doesn’t let you stay like that, taking his hand and turning your chin towards him, making you look at him. 

“I am sure that the King gave you his reasons. Told you that he was a thief,” You mutter. You found yourself saying thief with malice, unknowingly defending Sunwoo even when he wasn’t here. Even when he wouldn’t care for it. 

“Does he have any reason as to why your hands have been shaking for the entirety of the time that I have been in here? Or why I was able to notice your eyebags and how I can physically see your eyes drifting out of focus.”

“Juyeon–” You sharply state. “I am fine. I am well. You have no business looking for something that doesn’t exist.”

Juyeon scoffs. He was always like this. He was stubborn and never backed down. It’s why you were able to be friends with him after all this time. He always gave you the truth.

“You can’t fool me. I care about you. I always will,” He takes your hand in his. “I’m not looking for something that doesn’t exist, I’m seeing something that exists and could be so good for you and watching you turn it into something that’s hurting you.”

“You don’t understand, Juyeon. The King–” You begin. 

“You know what I have to say to the King?” Juyeon smiles a smile that you hadn’t seen in a long time. The same mischievous smile he would get when you were kids and he knew he was doing something he shouldn’t be doing. 

He lets go of your hand.

“Stop the carriage!” Juyeon yells out. You blink, confused. 

Juyeon exits, talking with the person riding the horse. The bigger carriage behind you stops as well, carrying the rest of the workers. You watch Juyeon smile, turning around and winking at you before making his way past. Your eyebrows furrow.

It’s not until you see someone climbing out and Juyeon taking his place do you realize what he was doing. 

“Oh, if the King finds out about this, we’re both dead Lee Juyeon,” You mutter, watching Sunwoo hesitantly walk towards the carriage. You turn back around, hoping to seem unaffected by staring ahead. 

“I was told to be seated up here. Something about knowing the terrain better..?” Sunwoo, although confused, waits for your permission before entering. You nod your head, not knowing what else to do. 

You stay silent from his entrance up until the carriage begins to move again. 

Sunwoo is the first to break the silence. 

“So, who was that?” He asks with an awkward lilt in his voice. You shake your head, annoyed. 

“Juyeon,” and just to make him angry, you continue. “Chaewon claims we’re going to get married.”

Sunwoo stiffens. “Oh, does she?”

“I’m sure we will. The men I tend to be interested in do not seem to reciprocate, so it only seems fair to arrange to marry him.” This is exactly why you didn’t want Juyeon to leave you alone with Sunwoo. You didn’t have enough time to practice like you didn’t care about Sunwoo or what he said to you. 

Sunwoo’s sharp intake of breath makes you realize that you definitely crossed a line. 

“Sorry. I’m sorry, I should not have said that. Juyeon is just a close friend.”

“Princess–”

“Listen. We should agree to just be civil with each other,” You turn to face him for the first time since he entered the carriage. It takes everything not to tear your eyes away. He was still the same, beautiful Sunwoo. “I understand that you do not want anything to do with me, but I have a standard to uphold so a little civility is needed.”

You don’t expect Sunwoo to argue, and he doesn’t. 

It’s quiet once more. 

“Your hands are shaking,” Sunwoo points out after a moment of silence. 

“Sorry,” You mumble, clasping your hands together. Juyeon was right. 

You notice him continue to stare at your hands, so you attempt to change the topic. 

“Nabi has been doing really well. She seems to enjoy baking as much as I do. Soon enough, she will be able to–”

“I do not know who told you that I do not want anything to do with you, but that is not true,” Sunwoo interrupts. 

The air suddenly feels colder, not helping the fact that you are visibly shaking now, almost like it extended from your hands to the rest of your body. 

“You did, Sunwoo. You told me you did not want anything to do with me,” You blurt, turning to him. “We kissed. And then you turned away like you were disgusted with what you just did. You said that you should not have done that and then never spoke to me again. Tell me, does that sound like you want anything to do with me?” You whisper. 

“I’m so sorry,” Sunwoo whispers back, placing his hand against your cheek. “I’m sorry. I want everything to do with you. I–” It looked like he was fighting with himself. “I tried so hard, but I can’t pretend anymore.

It’s only when you feel his hand on your face that you’re able to relax. You close your eyes, leaning into his touch. 

“I’m tired, Sunwoo.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” He repeats. When you open your eyes, his eyes are searching your face. He leans in, softly placing a kiss on your forehead. He was still cupping your face and you held onto his wrist, hoping to be just a little closer to him. 

“I wanted to apologize the moment I said it,” He whispers against your skin. “When I entered your room, I was just responding to the request for help you called for, but as soon as I saw you,” He pauses, his eyes searching yours to help convey the words he left unsaid. “Your father pulled me aside before the party and told me that I was to not speak to you anymore. If not, the terms were over and I would not be allowed in the house anymore.”

You try to pull away from his touch, shocked by his statement. 

“No, it’s okay,” He reassures as you begin to argue. “I’m done pretending. I hurt you and that is something that I will have to live with. I don’t intend to hurt you again.”

He looks into your eyes, the same sparkle in them that you loved so dearly. 

“Let him kick me out. At least I will leave knowing that I got to know you.”

-

The first order of business once you were back from the visit was the weekly meeting. 

And within that weekly meeting, you were going to tell your father about what Sunwoo liked about the construction and what he didn’t. 

The both of you agreed that there was no point in risking his safety, so you were extremely careful sneaking into his room at night. It was easier to get to his side of the castle without getting caught than risking Sunwoo being in your room. 

It was annoying, being in a constant battle of wanting to be with Sunwoo and then going behind your father’s back. But, there was no denying that you were falling for Sunwoo. You’re sure that if the King knew the real Sunwoo, he would be just as thankful for him as you were. Not to mention, the positive publicity your kingdom was getting thanks to the renovations that were occurring. Sunwoo was bringing so much light into the kingdom. 

As you did any night you couldn’t clear your head, you were baking. You were almost done with your batch of muffins when you hear someone clear their throat. 

It was Chae, in her riding gear. If there was someone Chae loved more than Hyunjae, it was her horse. Like baking was your therapy, riding was hers. 

“Going out?” You question. It was difficult, conversing with her. After that ill-fated dinner, you barely regarded her. However, even you knew better than to disrespect your older sister, even if she deserved it. 

“I just came back, actually,” She trails off, her eyes wandering through the kitchen. It was almost like she was looking for something, but there was nothing in the kitchen that was of interest to her to begin with. 

“What are you looking for?” 

She places her hands behind her back, rocking on her heels. “Oh, you know, just seeing if there was a 5 foot 10 man with black curly hair and really wide eyes hiding in here.”

You furrow your eyebrows. Was she onto you and Sunwoo? And why did she seem almost… shy?

“No, I have not seen Sunwoo–Chae, what is this about?”

“Baekgwang, he… I went riding without Hyunjae–don’t tell him that–and I guess I must not have been paying attention but Baekgwang ran off and Sunwoo…” She trails off as if she expects you to know the rest of the story. 

You shake your head, annoyed. “Chae, please. Did something happen to Sunwoo?”

“He was out there, tending to the garden out there and he got on Yuri’s horse and brought him back. I was looking to see if maybe, he was here. To tell you what happened or–”

You realize what she’s insinuating, but Sunwoo wasn’t like that. Sunwoo did good deeds out of the kindness of his heart, not to gloat or brag to you so that he was favored. 

“I have not seen him, but if I were you, I would thank him,” You shrug.

Chae clears her throat, stepping forward. “I did. Maybe he’s–” She pauses. 

“He’s not as bad as I thought.”

She turns to leave, but quickly adds something else before she does. 

“I saw you both. In the gardens last night before I went out to ride. He looks at you as if the entire world could be seen by looking into your eyes. I think–I think you should tell Father.”

You pause, slightly concerned that you were spotted so easily, but almost glad that it was Chae.

You purposefully face away from her, taking the muffins out of the oven and moving them to the countertop. “It doesn’t matter. Father said he wants me to stay away from him. He doesn’t care that–”

You pause, fiddling with the muffins. To stall, you break a piece off and chew on it. All your attention was on the muffin that you don’t notice Chae getting closer and putting a hand on your shoulder.

“Doesn’t care that what?”

You take a shaky breath, admitting it aloud for the first time to someone other than your own mind. 

“That I’m in love with him.”

-

A week passes since that night. Things have been both the same and different. Still, you snuck out when you could to see Sunwoo. Those were the times you were the happiest. His presence was comforting and warm. You even call him “Sun” now, a nickname that always makes him blush. To avoid the King, you rarely mingled in the public eye, but Chaewon and Yuri had entered the kitchen many times as Sunwoo was “strolling on by.” Chaewon was definitely acting differently. She didn’t glare at Sunwoo every time she saw him anymore, and you had even heard her teasing with Hyunjae–positively–about the two of you. Hyunjae must have heard that the two of you were together through Chae and Yuri told Sangyeon everything, so he knew as well, but neither had made the attempt to tell the King. 

You were content. Now, whenever you baked, you had a lovesick smile on your face. The same smile that adorned your face as you made fruit tarts with Nabi. 

However, the silence and your peace are quickly broken. 

“I talked to the King,” Nabi blurts out, continuing to stir the mixture. “About you and Sunwoo. Princess Yuri and Princess Chaewon were there too. And Sangyeon and Hyunjae. And some guy named Juyeon. And Jacob. ”

“You what?” You look up, alarmed. Nabi mustn’t find the situation as extreme as you did, however, because she continues to stir, without a care in the world. 

“What did you say? What did he say? What did they say? What could you even have talked about?” You ramble, admittedly extremely confused. Your heart was beating at rates that were far from human, but Nabi didn't budge, just standing there. 

“Fruit tarts?” 

You stagger at the new voice, one you know all too well. 

“Father,” You breathe out. “What are you doing here?”

There’s a small smile on his face, one that was reserved for just his three daughters. There was a side to him that no one else knew. 

“I had a chat this evening,” He begins, wandering around the kitchen as if there was a particular interest he found in the cabinets. “Nabi was there and she made some very good points. She was also very convincing.”

“Convincing of what?” You plead, nearly in a frenzy for unsaid words. It was like Nabi and the King were sharing an inside joke which is completely preposterous considering you hadn’t even known they acknowledged each other until this very moment and–

“Chaewon claims that Sunwoo has changed. She entered today with a whole panel of witnesses, actually. All with very convincing arguments on why I should give Sunwoo a chance–a real chance. 

You’re taken aback, shocked by the information. Against your will, your palms begin to sweat and you’re not sure if the room is spinning in circles because you’re dreaming or you were dizzy. 

“I listened to them. But now, I would like to listen to you,” He takes a step towards you, gesturing for you to talk. 

You don’t know where to begin, your mouth dry.

“I–” You look around, your eyes falling onto Nabi’s, the only other person in the room. She sends a small encouraging smile in your direction and it’s all you need for words to flow out of your mouth. 

“I am in love with Sunwoo. Everything he has ever done has been from his heart, whether that be for his parents, his sister, or for me. All he has ever done is love and I wish you could see him through my eyes so you could understand just how bright he shines,” You take a deep breath, continuing. You were sure you looked crazy, but if this was the King’s way of understanding how much Sunwoo meant to you, then you would take the one chance you would get. “He cares about me and this kingdom and I truly think there would be no better person to bring about real change in this world other than him. And if you don’t want us to be together, fine, but you can not deny me that he doesn’t deserve better than the way he’s treated currently. He has done more than prove himself.”

Your mind drifts back once again to those cursed words your Father had spoken–

“Sunwoo was and always will be a thief. Until he makes amends for his mistakes and shows that he is capable of something greater, I do not want you speaking to him.”

By the end of your speech, you're breathing heavily, and you can’t help but want to sit down. The only thought in your brain is that you hope that you’ve done Sunwoo justice. 

Your eyes dart between Nabi and the King. He stays silent, but there’s a smug look on Nabi’s face as if you were missing something. 

“I know I already spoke to you, but anything you wish to add Sunwoo?” 

You pause, watching Sunwoo come out from behind the wall where the King entered from. You feel your face begin to heat up, but you notice the familiar blush littering Sunwoo’s cheeks. 

“No, your highness,” Sunwoo smiles. You raise your eyebrows at the honorific directed towards your father, but he shrugs, mouthing “Talk later?” You nod, directing your attention back to your father with the biggest smile on your face. 

“I believe that settles it then. Sunwoo, you will be moved to closer living quarters, not too close though,” His eyes narrow at Sunwoo. “And your new list of responsibilities begins tomorrow. I think you would do great supervising the new project the two of you have been working on.”

The King turns to look at you one more time, the smile on his face being the same one you grew up with. “Yuri said something to me today that truly helped me gain some insight.”

Your mind wanders to what Yuri could have said. She spent most of her time with Nabi when you weren’t baking with her, but it never occurred to you that she might see Sunwoo on a daily basis when he went to get Nabi for dinner. You wondered what Yuri and Sunwoo could have talked about. 

“What did she say?”

He places a hand on your shoulder, eyes proud. “Your mother would have loved him.”

The King leaves promptly after that, but it isn’t long until you rush over to Sunwoo, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

You laugh as he picks you up, spinning you around. 

“I never got to say this to you directly, but I told your father, who apologized and thanked me, by the way–” The shock must be evident on your face because he says he’ll tell you about it later. “But, I love you. You are it for me, Princess. I want to look toward the future and that’s you. I wouldn’t have a future if it wasn’t for you. So thank you, Angel.”

Your hands were still clasped around his neck, your faces inches apart. You’re not sure if Nabi had left, but you’re sure she would have by now considering it felt like there was no one in the world, let alone the room, but the two of you. 

He places a soft kiss on your forehead, pulling back to look into your eyes again. 

“I love you, too,” You whisper, watching his eyes sparkle. 

 –BONUS SCENE: Nabi’s speech–

“Nabi, go ahead and tell him what you wanted to say,” Yuri encourages Nabi, holding onto her shoulder for support. 

Nabi takes a shaky breath. And then she blurts, “My brother is the best brother in the whole wide world. He helps me and he helped my parents as much as he could. My brother didn’t care that he had to look after me. He didn’t complain to me once. He found me toys and gave me his food and he is my brother. I know I’m a child so you might not believe me. There isn’t much I know, but I do know that my brother is the best person in this world. He cares about me and Princess Y/N even though the way you treated him was terrible. If he was bad, he would be different, but he’s still the same brother I grew up with and I think you need to be nicer to him.”

[sohnric]

BELOVED — E. SOHN

pairing: eric sohn x fem! reader

genre: hurt/comfort, friends to lovers. angst, fluff. the tiniest bit of swimmer! eric for some reason. wrote this in a moment of weakness handle with care!! :~)

word count: 2.4k

warnings: reader is said to be red in the face from the cold (alludes to specific skin color - im sorry i wrote this for me only and yall just get to read it), swearing, insecurity and jealousy, unspecified mental illness (?)

a/n: once again thank you to @csenke for beta reading and encouraging me to post this :p and also for existing. ily <3 btw swimmer eric is such a concept it gave us both whiplash maybe i need to revisit this in a full fic....

The coldness of the crisp evening makes you sniffle, your bones freezing and fingers going numb even in the comfort of your coat pockets. Your brain is full of thoughts fighting amongst each other, running around and hitting the corners of your head, slowly causing you an annoying migraine. You now regret not taking your headphones with you, because the music could help you drown out the noise of your inner voice, but the you from an hour ago that decided to go on a walk to clear your head had other plans for you, so you now have to suffer the stream of your thoughts instead. The stream is so loud you swear you can hear it resonating through the silent campus, but you know that’s a foolish thought, so you fight it away with a bitter chuckle.

Eyes zeroing on the orange fluorescent lights coming from inside of the building you’re standing in front of, you start feeling a little silly for coming here. It’s not like you think you’d be sent away, but there’s also that little bugging voice inside of your brain that keeps reminding you that you weren’t invited. Your feet have dragged you here without your consent or order. One moment, you were walking down the river, shuddering from the cold, and the other, you found yourself in front of the pool– as if the tugging of your heart was stronger than your own brain, stronger than your own thoughts.

Sometimes you feel bad for taking it all out on him. At least that’s what you suppose you’re doing– with your annoyed remarks whenever he checks in on you, with your sighs whenever he asks what’s wrong. It’s not like he’s incorrect with his suspicions– he always somehow knows you’re in a bad mood, no matter how hard you try to mask it– you just don’t often feel like discussing the matter with him. Or anyone, really. Sometimes, you feel bad for pushing him away or not texting him back. Sometimes you feel truly shitty for the fact that you can’t open up to him, no matter how hard you try. 

And sometimes, you just truly think that he wouldn’t care. It’s weird how your mind works– someone could spend so much time with you, making memories together and laughing at your jokes, yet, your mind could convince you that they don’t really like you at all in the first place. That this is some sort of a game they’re playing, trying to see how long you can stay convinced that they enjoy your presence in their life before you notice and they step away. You don’t even know where this conviction is coming from. If you knew, maybe you could fix it. If you could locate it, you’d try to delete the flawed code from your system. 

Sometimes, you think he doesn’t care about how you are, what you’re doing, what you think. It has nothing to do with the way he treats you; more so with the anxiety nibbling at the corners of your brain whenever he talks to anyone else– with the constant fear of being replaced, of having him find someone better, someone less difficult to be friends with. In its full essence, the image is terrifying. You think your world would crumble if you lost another person in your life.

More so, you think your world would crumble if you lost him. You recognize that there’s a constant desire in the depths of your heart to be someone’s favorite– his favorite– to be the person someone would choose in a room full of people. To be the one they walk up to first with a smile and their arms wide open. 

And it’s silly. You’re his best friend. He tells you so every day. It’s the way you’re introduced to everyone out of his circle that you meet on parties or at campus.

Admittedly, you like hearing him say it. Best friend– the title shows you’re the best at something: at being his companion, at making him laugh, at being there for him, whatever it is that you do to earn that sticker. The title shows that you’re somebody’s favorite– his favorite– and it makes you deeply satisfied with yourself. It makes you proud, even. 

Some days, you still have a hard time believing it, though. Some days, you still feel stranded. Lonely. Isolated. It’s weird. 

Somehow, your heart, your feet and the unconscious part of your brain took you right where you knew you’d find him. You didn’t choose to go here– if you realized you were nearing the building, you would’ve even tried to stop yourself– and as you contemplate turning on your heel and going back home, hell, you even take the first step away from the pools, the sound of the main door opening and his voice calling for you makes you halt in your movements, gluing you to the pavement. 

Sometimes, the heart knows what it needs even before you get a chance to register it.

“Y/N! How long have you been standing there?” he calls after you, making you bite down on your lower lip. There’s no escaping him now– you guess it’s for the better, though.

Turning towards him, a guilty look spreading over your features, you shrug. “Not long.”

“It’s freezing out here! Why didn’t you come inside?” he asks, a wrinkle forming in between his eyebrows as he walks closer to you, his friends from the swim team patting his back and saying their goodbyes to the two of you as they pass the commotion on their way out.

“I didn’t want to intrude your practice,” you peep, sniffling a little from the cold.

“Gosh, you always do this,” he says, rolling his eyes at you. He almost looks mad at you, and by the way he raises his voice and throws his arms in the air in frustration, you think you’re correct with assuming he might be. “I texted you the whole day! Hell, I called, even though I know how much you hate phone calls. And I get that you probably didn’t feel like talking, but a simple ‘I'm okay, don’t worry’ text would’ve been nice!”

Dragging his hand through his hair in defeat, he shakes his head at you. “Besides, you can’t just keep shutting me off every time you are having a hard time, for god’s sake! Not only do I worry, but I hate seeing you suffer all alone.”

Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you listen patiently to his lecture. You know he’s right– he almost always is, because the rational side of your brain ceases to exist every time your insecurities fail you– so there’s really no aim in trying to argue or fight with him. 

Eric sighs as he steps even closer to you, adjusting the strap of his duffel bag on his shoulder before he reaches for the hood of your jacket and puts it over your head. “You could’ve texted me you were here, I’d leave practice early for you,” he says, voice now softer as he stands in front of you, not really wanting to scream straight into your face. 

You shrug in response, not really knowing what to say. Telling him you contemplated leaving  just seconds before he found you here would make him even more mad with you, so you choose to gloss over that fact. Besides, it’s kind of comforting, the way his words work. The way his presence calms you, makes the screaming match of your thoughts drown out with his firm comments and scolding remarks. His words, although full of frustration, make your insides warm up and your muscles relax, like you’re coming undone.

His face shows concern. His actions speak even louder than his words when he tugs the sides of your hood closer together at your neck, the hole for your head previously exposing your bare skin and making you shiver. “Couldn’t you dress more warmly? Do you want to catch a cold?” he mutters, shaking his head in disbelief. “You scutter here all unannounced, wearing close to nothing, and expect me to not be frustrated with you?”

You study his expression for a while. It’s not often you get to see Eric from so up close, but even in the darkness of the evening, you recognise the familiarity of his close-to-flawless features. Anchoring yourself into his gaze for a second, you move to study the sculpture of his cheekbones, the furrowed nature of his brows, the slope of his cupid’s bone. His hair falls into his eyes, making you instinctively drag your hand up and move his bangs out of the way, having the male wince at the contact of your fingers with his skin. “Hell, your hands are cold! You didn’t even take gloves? It’s minus five degrees outside!” he grunts.

It makes you chuckle. You did something nice for him, yet, there he is– complaining about the fact that you have yet again failed to take care of yourself. “I’m not even surprised, y’know, since you didn’t put on a scarf either, but sometimes I wish this little brain of yours,” he point his finger to the side of your temple, “had better self-preservation instincts,” he finishes as he fishes for something in his pocket.

Taking out his own gloves and holding them up to you so you can slip your numb fingers into the fabric, he continues on with his little tangent. “Next time,” he adds when you’re successfully wearing the warm garment, “text me as soon as you get here, okay? And look outside before you go out, so you know what to wear. Maybe open that little weather app on your home screen, even. Might be helpful,” he jokes, although a little dryly, as he brings out a scarf from his duffel bag, tying it around your neck and almost suffocating you with how tight he wraps it, making sure you’re defrosting under his tender care.

When he’s done dressing you up like a doll, you’re left staring at him speechless. Eric reciprocates the gaze, something gentle, yet worried mirroring behind his dark orbs. There’s comfort lingering in the air now that you’re not so cold, and with the added essence of his existence, the act of living doesn’t seem like such a hassle anymore. You feel lighter, in a way.

“Sorry,” he hums after a heartbeat of silence, “how are you feeling?” he asks, an apologetic look sent your way when he realizes he slipped into a heated lecture again, not knowing that this is exactly what you wanted and unknowingly came here for. (For his furrowed eyebrows and the crease in between them, his worried orbs and words tinted with frustration, showing you that he cares and wants you to be safe. For his little tangent, yet also gentle touches as he takes care of you and makes sure you’re staying warm. For the familiar look in his eyes, whispering to you that you’re the only thing in the whole world that matters to him right in this moment and always, forever.) 

You smile at the clueless boy. It seems to make something in him settle into a more comfortable place. “All better now,” you reply.

“Good,” he says. “God, you look awful,” he jokes– laughing airly to reference the state of your frozen face– cheeks and the tip of your nose red, eyes watery from the wind, hair messily sticking out from the bottom of your hood– as one of his hands comes up to cradle your face and squish your cheeks together, turning your chapped lips into a big pout. The contact of his skin on yours makes your stomach feel light with the contrast of his warm hand on your cold face, all your senses coming alive when his voice drops a few octaves lower, seriousness tinting his tone. “Promise me to take better care of yourself from now on?”

Nodding, not really having it in you to even make a noise, you watch as the male studies your face for a while. In any other circumstance, his gaze would make you shy away, but not now. Not when everything seems suddenly so simple, not when all your worries seem to slip through your fingers. When his eyes point towards your lips– your puckered, dry mouth– a sense of expecting takes over you, a strange kind of excitement buzzing in the tips of your fingertips. When you breathe in through your half-clogged nose, the mixed scent of his fabric softener coming off the scarf tied tightly around your neck and the smell of the shower gel he uses to wash the chlorine off after his swimming practice hits your nose, making you a little light-headed. No words are spoken as the male suddenly leans in and presses a quick peck to your lips.

His warm lips meet with yours in what seems to be a second-long contact, but it’s enough to have the ghost of his touch lingering, enough to make your stomach churn in joy.

The action was so painfully casual– as if it was second nature to him. As if there was no reason for him to contemplate the decision– as if this was what he wanted to do all the time, and so he did it. Sometimes, actions speak louder than words.

Selfishly, though, you must admit you need both– you need the words just as much as the actions. Good thing Eric knows you so well– sometimes you think it’s even more than you know yourself.

“Now come on, let’s get you home,” he hums, hugging you to him with his right arm as you two walk down the sidewalk, “wouldn’t want my beloved girl to freeze to death right here.”

His beloved.

The words resonate in your brain. This time, it’s a good type of screaming match happening with your thoughts– all worries battled, using his sentence to cut out the bad parts like a sharpened knife. This time, your mind is full of fireworks and excited buzzing, sending the happy signals all across your body, helping you fight winter with the power of gentle loving. 

And sure, you know that those feelings might come again. There’s no way of telling when the skeletons will appear, hunting down your happy thoughts. But you know that even if they do, you will always somehow find your way back to Eric, and he’ll make sure to remind you of what you need to hear, and you’ll be okay again.

You guess The Beatles were right after all. Maybe all you need is a little love sometimes.

[jinkoh]

secrets

sunwoo x gn!reader

summary: It seemed there were no limitations of who he was willing to become for you—with one grave exception: He could never just be Kim Sunwoo.

tags: (implied) mafia!sunwoo, established relationship, angst, hurt/comfort, soft ending, SFW; warnings: mentions of blood/injuries, relationship struggles

wordcount: ~1,9k

a/n: named this little drabble 'secrets' and then realized kate has a 1,9k mafia au for hyungwon of the same name and that was kinda fun to me~ anyway this is just a very quick little drabble that was inspired by a sentence in a book i was reading and also by the ongoing mafia au brainrot that has been haunting kate and me for weeks (months?) now~

Masterlist

You first met Sunwoo at a bar, dressed all in black, swirling his drink around in its glass as he watched you sit down a few seats away from him. You were dying to have a drink, but the bartender seemed to be in the back or elsewhere, so you just waited listlessly, unsure what to do with yourself. 

Until Sunwoo talked to you.

"What do you want to drink? Wine? Whiskey? Beer?"

You turned to him in confusion, certain he was a guest himself from his expensive looking suit and watch.

"Wine," you replied anyway.

He looked around, as if making sure not to get caught, before he walked around the counter to pour you a glass.

"Can you just do that?"

He looked at you with an almost disinterested shrug. "Looks like I can."

His boldness made you laugh. "What's your name?" 

"Whatever you want it to be." It was such a cliché line and you should have cringed, but instead you found yourself drawn to him. There was something intriguing about him.

"Oh, really? Anything is fine?" 

"Sure, I'll be anyone for you. The bartender for example. Or—," he leaned over the counter, close enough to speak in a whisper, "maybe you want me to be someone else tonight?"

After getting involved with him you quickly realized he hadn't lied; he became whomever you wanted him to be. It seemed there were no limitations of who he was willing to become for you—a bartender, an affair, a guy who took you out for dinner, a friend who accompanied you to your nephews soccer game, a lover—but there was one grave exception: He could never just be Kim Sunwoo. He could never be completely truthful, always holding on to a zillion secrets that you couldn’t even scratch the surface of. As much as he loved to hear about you, find out all your likes and dislikes, as little did he reveal about himself. For every tiny thing you knew about him, there was another bigger one you didn’t and it drove you insane. You knew he often met 'friends' late at night, but you didn’t know a single one of their names. You knew he drove a black Mercedes, but you didn’t know why the license plate kept changing every other week. You knew the scent of his laundry detergent, but you didn’t know where the blood stains on his shirt came from. 'Don't worry about it', he would say, but how could you not? 'Not knowing is more exciting than the boring truth', but if the truth was so boring why couldn't he tell you?

Perhaps he was right about the excitement of it all, but secrets can only last so long before they start feeling like lies. They were feeling like lies now, with Sunwoo sleeping next to you in your white sheets, eyes closed so peacefully despite the dark circles and the bloody scratch on his cheek. He'd sneaked into your bed just a while ago, too late to still be considered night, too early to count as morning. The sun hadn't risen yet, but it wasn't dark anymore, the room dyed in a cold blue. Maybe you should have been upset that he'd come to your place at this time, the sound of the door rousing you from your sleep. But somehow it made your chest feel full instead. He probably had a nice, expensive apartment somewhere (not that you'd ever been there) but he was coming home to you instead, seeking your company after whatever had kept him up until the blue hour. It must have been something bad. You were neither stupid nor naive enough not to see the signs. But you'd simply decided to turn a blind eye. At first because it seemed exciting to have an affair with a dangerous man. And then because you started to like him, and it was easier to justify being with him if you pretended he had an office job with odd hours rather than whatever it was he actually did for a living. 

But you slowly realized that wasn’t going to work anymore. You struggled to fall asleep when he wasn’t there, unsure if he was just at home or maybe out somewhere, doing something. Whenever he snuck into your bed in the middle of the night, you knew he'd been up to no good, and yet you felt relief wash over you, because at least it meant he was alive. You couldn't stop yourself from worrying, and you felt if you already worried anyway you should at least know what it was you were worrying about. He would have to tell you.

With careful hands you brushed his hair out of his forehead, revealing another small wound right above his eyebrow. He flinched when you accidentally grazed it with your thumb.

"Sorry," you whispered, even though you thought he was still sleeping. But his eyes fluttered open.

"No need to be," he whispered back and you wondered how his voice could possibly be so gentle and sweet, despite the dark secrets he seemed to be hiding.

"Who hurt you?"

"No one. It doesn’t matter." 

"It does matter. I can't keep watching like this without knowing what's going on." You pulled your hand away but he held onto your wrist, a loose grasp that you could have easily shaken off if you'd wanted to. But you didn’t. His touch felt warm.

"It's better this way," he insisted, and despite the seriousness of the conversation his voice stayed gentle and calm. "How long could you love someone you know everything about? There always needs to be a little secret, something to reveal, to find out."

"Where does that leave me then? You know pretty much everything about me. Are you tired of me yet? Disillusioned?"

He let out a breathy laugh. "Don't be silly. How could I ever get tired of you?"

"Then what if I feel the same way?"

"That's impossible."

You frowned. "It's not."

"You say that because you don't know better. But I can't risk losing you." He squeezed your hand and closed his eyes and you knew the conversation was over for him. 

"You're already risking it," you whispered but he didn't hear it. Or maybe he just pretended not to.

Your patience was running thin. How could you forgive the way he'd suddenly disappear during dinner due to 'emergencies' that he never explained to you? How could you ignore the smell of iron on his coat? How could you pretend not to see the injuries on his body, from the bloody knuckles to the dressed wound on his shoulder? You knew Sunwoo genuinely liked you. It showed in all the little ways he cared and maybe it showed most in the way he tried to keep you out of the troubles he was involved with. But you didn't want him to be kept out of trouble. You weren't as fragile and breakable as he made you out to be and you were convinced you could handle whatever dark truth he was hiding. If only he would let you. 

When you saw him reach for the juice on the coffee table during movie night, flinching when the movement put a strain on his injured shoulder, you finally broke.

"I can't do this anymore," you said quietly, your serious voice not matching the atmosphere of the lighthearted movie at all. "You have to tell me the truth. Or leave."

"We've had this so many times. Why are you so keen on knowing? Weren't the secrets what drew you to me in the first place?" 

"No," you replied a little too quickly, just to backpedal a second later. "Maybe. But I don't want that anymore, Sunwoo. I'm tired of secrets."

He pressed his lips together. "This is all I can give, though."

This outcome wasn't unexpected, and yet hearing him say it still hurt. You didn't want to give up, you didn't want to lose him, but you knew that things couldn't continue like this.

"Okay," you whispered, your voice weak and shaky. "We're over then."

He opened his mouth to say something, but then he closed it again, at a loss for the right words. 

"I'll go to my friend's place for a few hours," you continued. "I expect you to be gone when I'm back."

You already felt the tears brimming at your eyes, but you had to stay strong, at least until you made it out the door. You picked up your phone from the coffee table and got up to leave, a part of you hoping for a reason to stay even now. The movie was still running, the roaring laughter of one of the characters filling the unbearable silence between the two of you. This was really it, you thought to yourself, but the realization wasn't really sinking in. After all the time you'd spent together, how could it just end like this? How could he—

"I'm not a good person," Sunwoo suddenly pressed out, the desperation in his voice making you stop in your tracks. You almost let out a sigh of relief. 

"I know that," you replied after a beat. Because it was true, you'd known all along, even without him telling you the details. 

"No, you don't." 

You turned around to him. "Then explain it to me." 

"I can't. You'll leave, if I do."

"Well, I'm definitely leaving if you don't."

He let out a bitter chuckle. "It seems no matter what I do you will leave me."

"Maybe. But there is only one way to find out." 

He ruffled his hair, clearly agonizing over what to do or say, before he finally brought himself to speak.

"I just—," he started and you didn’t think you'd ever heard his voice so fragile before, "it's okay if the world is looking at me with contempt, fear, disgust… But just you—I don't care about anyone else, but I wouldn’t be able to take it if you started to look at me differently."

You sat back down on the couch with him, trying to meet his gaze, but he avoided eye contact. "I won't."

"You don't know that."

"But I know that I love you," you whispered, squeezing his hand in yours. "What could possibly change that?"

At your words, he finally looked up, eyes wide and surprised. "Do you?"

"I do. If you'll let me."

He stared at you in silence for another moment, searching your face for a trace of insincerity, for any reason not to trust you. But he came up empty.

"Okay," he finally whispered. "What do you want to know?"

"Your job, for starters."

He scrunched up his face in discontent, but he let you continue.

"And you need to introduce me to your friends, at least one. And you need to let me go to your place."

Sunwoo clearly didn't like any of this, rubbing the bridge of his nose, before eventually letting out a defeated sigh. "Fine. I'll tell you everything. And I'll take you to my place, too. It's not very homely though."

"We can make it homely."

That put an actual smile on his face and it made you want to kiss him. 

"But let's take things slow, please. This is—it isn't easy for me."

"Okay," you nodded, before leaning in and leaving a small peck on his lips. "Let's take it slow. But don’t go back on your word."

His smile widened as he kissed you back, his hand naturally coming up to your jaw. "I promise I won’t," he replied between kisses.

"How can I be sure of that?"

"Because I love you, too."

Masterlist

[hcuyk]

[ 18+ ] . . . . . . . . will the inferno rekindle?

[ OUR INFERNO ] WORD COUNT : THREAD

OUR INFERNO elaborates the complexities within a relationship—the spark, the blaze, the pain. your love with hyunjae is a never ending fire; it's something so strong, so beautiful and powerful, that it suffocates you both into believing that your relationship would last, only for it to go down in flames.

C—URRENT WOR—D . C—OUNT : 22k

please consider supporting by joining my taglist(s)!!

—-—-— i want us to experience this journey together <3

OUR INFERNO —T—AGLIST <- | -> PERM—T—AGLIST

lovely beta readers : @simpforsunwoo @stealanity @drunkdrazed @winterchimez — they own my heart

THERE WILL BE A HAECHAN VERSION AS WELL

< 4/16 > scene five (final rewrite) : 3219 : finished

< 4/16 > scene five (third draft) : 2481 : finished

< 4/15 > scene five (second draft) : 408 : discontinued

< 4/14 > scene five (first draft) : 2091 : unfinished

< 4/14 > chapter one : 19272 : posted!

< 4/12 > scene four (final rewrite) : 10261 : finished

< 4/11 > scene four (final rewrite) : 3219 : unfinished

< 4/10 > scene four (final rewrite) : 1492 : finished

< 4/9 > scene four (second rewrite) : 7485 : finished

< 4/9 > scene four (second rewrite) : 1745 : unfinished

< 4/8 > scene four (first rewrite) : 855 : discontinued

< 4/8 > scene three (final rewrite) : 3070 : finished

< 4/8 > scene three (final rewrite) : 2859 : unfinished

< 4/7 > scene four (first draft) : 1549 : finished

< 4/7 > scene three (final rewrite) : 2114 : finished

< 3/24 > scene three (first draft) : 1372 : finished

< 3/24 > scene two (final rewrite) : 2134 : finished

< 3/24 > scene two (second draft) : 1568 : finished

< 3/23 > scene two (first rewrite) : 2334 : finished

< 3/23 > scene two (first draft) : 1379 : finished

< 3/22 > scene one (revisions) : 3535 : finished

< 3/22 > scene one (final rewrite) : 3482 : finished

< 3/22 > scene one (first rewrite) : 2727 : finished

< 3/22 > scene one (first draft) : 1290 : finished

[stealanity]

playlist one , the boyz ( lsg to kvm ) :

ꕤ lee sangyeon ,

someone

⠀

[ 7:02am ]

[ 5:12pm ]

[ 6:14am ]

⠀

ꕤ bae jacob ,

summer love

birthday cake

melatonin

co-lover

white lily

⠀

ꕤ kim younghoon ,

corny jokes

reassuring hands

kinda miss you

i didn't forget

⠀

[ 1:02am ]

[ 2:45am ]

⠀

ꕤ lee hyunjae ,

suffocating ( written serie , discontinued )

this special look

stay

waffle

loser, lover

crazy

too late

only for practice

⠀

[ 9:32am ]

[ 4:35pm ]

[ 10:37pm ]

⠀

ꕤ lee juyeon ,

his s/o waking up in the middle of the night

cute little intruder

bad day, but good boyfriend

daydream

terrible idea

the bet

cold hands

risky

sick of you

⠀

[ 5:34pm ]

[ 10:45pm ]

[ 7:52pm ]

[ 8:57pm ]

⠀

ꕤ moon kevin ,

bad words

the little prince

⠀

[ 3:37pm ]

[ 11:23am ]

⠀

. . . link to maknae line !

[loverseon]

SOUL SWAP .ᐟ masterlist coming soon ᯓ★

pairing female reader x ???

genre royal au, fantasy, kinda mystery ish

synopsis you wake up in a bedroom thats not your own. curtains that arent your own, bed thats not your own. a life thats not your own. no one around you seems to take you very seriously when you try and explain that youre… not exactly who they think you are. but hey, who are you to complain when everywhere you look theres a handsome man who wants you?

word count tbd (around 30k+)

warnings angst, fluff, themes of death, suggestive (tbz being sexy what can i say) cursing, slow burn, gradual pairing reveal, will add more tags as we progress

teaser one moodboard playlist

part i. the dream of the golden bedroom

part ii. the hero of the first water

part iii. the saviour of the fallen

part iv. the master of the wild

part v. the commander of the gods

part vi. the ceremony of the conqueror

part vii. the end of the beginning

part viii. epilogue: the princess of stars

a/n shakes u by the shoulders ohhhh its happeninf its happeningg

[inadaydream99]

They Shut Their S/O Up With A Kiss ~ With The Boyz

A/N - Thank you to the anon who requested this!

Disclaimer: this does not represent any of the members in really life and is for entertainment purposes only!

Sangyeon

He’d had a rough day, surrounded by his incredibly loud friends from sunrise to way beyond sunset. The only thing that had kept Sangyeon going was the thought of coming home to you at the end of the day.

With a banging headache, he’d returned home to find you pacing the room, stressed. It turns out you’d both had exhausting days and as much as he wanted sleep, he knew he needed to try and get you to settle too.

So Sangyeon let out a light sigh before coercing you onto the sofa, wrapping you tightly into his arms before telling you to offload it all onto him. It wouldn’t take long right?

Wrong.

An hour and a half later, you’re still ranting away. Not once have you come up for air and Sangyeon is beginning to drift off.

He finds himself, in his half dozed state, watching your lips, entranced by the speed at which they speak. They look so pillowy soft. So cosy. So sleepy…

The next thing he knows, his lips are on yours. Putting an end to your rambling with a lazy kiss.

And when you finally pull apart, you’re silent and staring at him speechlessly.

Jacob

You’d been going on for almost an hour now, ranting away to him about this annoying coworker of yours and it was slowly driving Jacob insane.

He had to shut you up!

In the nicest way possible, of course.

Before his mind has registered his actions, he’s leaned in and crashed his lips against yours.

It’s a little more aggressive than he’d intended it to be, but Jacob’s worry eases when he feels you kiss back.

It’s like all of the anger that you’d been letting out through words is now being conveyed through your passionate kisses. Gradually falling deeper and deeper until you’re both so lost in each other’s lips that neither of you can remember how it started.

Maybe Jacob should kiss you aggressively more often…

Hyunjae

You screamed in joy when you spotted the tiny puppy running up to you. Literally screamed. So loud. In the middle of the park.

Jaehyun has never wanted the ground to open up and swallow him so much, sending passers by an embarrassed smile as they scour in your direction.

It’s ironic really. Usually he is the one drawing attention and being loud.

It’s not until after he’s finally managed to tear you away from the adorable puppy that he regrets his decision. Because you won’t stop going on about how cute it was and how much you want one yourself.

And while Jaehyun does agree on all of your points, your constant need for his approval that getting a pet together would be great is slowly driving him insane.

In a moment of desperation, Jaehyun pulls you off the sidewalk, onto the grass verge of the park and backs you into the base of a giant tree.

Gasping, you go to ask him what he’s doing. But before you have a chance, his lips are smashing into yours and your mind instantly goes void of everything but him.

Younghoon

He’s sulking and you’re completely oblivious.

Ok, so maybe Younghoon was the one to invite you backstage of the festival where, like The Boyz, many other groups that were performing were getting ready. But he’d thought you’d be unfazed being surrounded by so many different famous groups; you’re never fazed by his own.

But here you are - as you have been for the longest time - gushing to your boyfriend about spotting your favourite idol.

Of course, Younghoon can’t do anything about it right now because there’s lots of people around and your relationship isn’t public. Hence why he’s simply sat beside you, trying not to be jealous over all of the compliments you’re giving someone else.

Until he has a brilliant idea…

Quickly standing up, Younghoon grabs you by the wrist and drags you away from the main area. He doesn’t stop until you reach a hidden corner, ignoring your protests the entire way.

Finally, he’s pressed you into the wall, shielding you with his body as he finally pulls you onto a kiss. It’s feverish but soft, delicate but domineering. Proving that he knows exactly how to get you to focus on him and no one else.

Juyeon

You’re sick. Shivering and sweating as you lay cocooned under your duvet. Your body aches from laying still for so long. But the second you try to get out of bed the nausea becomes too much.

Juyeon has been the most amazing boyfriend, doting on you the entire time. He’s fed you, regulated your medicine, made you warm baths and practically run around like a headless chicken for the past few days, answering your every beck and call.

Right now, he’s snuggled into bed with you. Your body wrapped in his, your back to his broad chest and the soothing rise and fall of his breathing trying to lull you into rest.

Which you’d be able to do if your entire body didn’t feel like it was going to combust from the heat radiating off of him.

So you wriggle around, whining as your aching legs thrash and your sore throat croaks out complaints to an exhausted Juyeon.

Eventually, you’ve manoeuvred to face him, still whining. But he’s had enough of hearing your complaints.

His lips attach to yours gently, his hand under your chin to keep you from moving away. Finally, there’s quiet as you allow his kiss to relax you.

Until he mistakenly detaches and you begin complaining that he’s going to catch what you have…

Kevin

It’s sweet how excited you are over hearing of your best friends engagement.

You’d had to keep everything a secret, helping their partner plan the best proposal ever. You felt honoured. And now that it’s all over and you are finally able to talk about it, you haven’t come up for air.

Kevin doesn’t really mind because he loves how happy you truly are for your friend. But, after a very long time of you talking about it over dinner, when this time together was meant to be about you and him, Kevin decided that a change of topic was needed.

Except he wasn’t entirely sure how to do that without being rude…

As he watched you, Kevin just couldn’t stop thinking about how pretty you looked, sat there on the opposite side of the table, with the biggest smile on your face.

So it’s understandable that he couldn’t help but to lean over the table to press what was meant to be a simple, quick peck to your lips, in affection.

As it turns out, that is exactly how to make you go quiet. He’ll remember that for next time too.

Chanhee

Chanhee loves you, he really does. But why now, of all times, did you have to be so indecisive.

He massively regrets giving you free reign over what movie to begin with. Because now he realises why you’ve always let him choose in the past… you won’t stop rambling away about the different options to choose from. To keep it simple, you’re scared of making the wrong choice.

Regardless of how many millions of times Chanhee tells you that it doesn’t matter what movie you choose, or that if you begin watching one and it’s not that interesting then you can change it, you don’t seem to be listening to him.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. And Chanhee is desperate to get you to listen to him.

So he decides to be bold and leans over to connect his lips with yours.

For a split second he thinks he’s made the wrong choice, but then he feels your hand cup his cheek and your lips begin to reciprocate his movements.

Maybe it doesn’t matter what movie you eventually decide to watch… maybe you won’t need to choose one in the end…

Changmin

Changmin is sure that your eyes hold more stars in them than the entire galaxy. How can they not when they seem to glimmer so vibrantly, luring him into their depths as you passionately - and endlessly - give him your detailed thoughts on different books you think he’d enjoy reading.

He really shouldn’t have asked for reading recommendations from you, knowing what a bookworm you are.

But sometimes he just can’t help it. Sometimes he just craves seeing the way your entire being seems to light up from being given the opportunity to share your passions with him.

Where the line is drawn however, is when you begin detailing books with characters that you very clearly have fallen in love with.

And regardless of the fact that Changmin knows they are all fictional, the way you gush as if they are real causes his stomach to twist in jealousy.

His infatuated smile slowly falls from his face upon this realisation. He needs to get your focus onto him. Now.

You’re cut off mid sentence by the feel of your boyfriends velvety lips against yours, capturing your bottom lip and tugging on it.

It’s almost annoying how proud Changmin looks of himself as he pulls away, smirking at you as you stare at him in a combination of awe and disbelief. But he’s got what he wanted, you’re definitely only thinking about him now.

Haknyeon

His lips mould perfectly with yours, his hands holding your waist giving it a gentle, secure squeeze that makes you snicker into him.

Haknyeon had only intended to quiet you down with a quick kiss after you’d come to him on the verge of tears.

But it seems that you needed more comfort and intimacy than he’d expected. Not that he minds in any way.

What had happened was your sock clad feet had slipped on the tiled floor of the kitchen, and as you’d clung onto the counter top to stop from hitting the floor, you’d dropped your favourite mug in the process. And while that was upsetting, it’s not what bought tears to your eyes.

You’d foolishly bent down to pick up the pieces and slipped again, landing with a harsh thud, your palms landing directly onto sharp shards underneath you.

You’d rushed to Haknyeon instantly, blubbering to him what had just occurred. So, in an attempt to get you to calm down, he’d pulled you into him and kissed you.

And the instant your lips met, you’d forgotten about your cut up hands and broken mug.

Sunwoo

Sunwoo hadn’t meant to piss you off when he’d deliberately rushed into the bathroom and locked the door the second you’d announced you’d needed to use the toilet.

It’s just the typical antics between you. Harmless and mischievous on any other day. But not when he’d already annoyed you that morning by having the last of the freshly made coffee…

It’s petty domestic stuff that he’s doing to try and get a raise out of you for some unknown reason. Maybe he’s bored? Sunwoo isn’t really sure. All he knows right now, is that he finds it incredibly hot when you get angry with him.

He can hear you spitting his name along with multiple angry threats from the opposite side of the door. Your fist hitting the dense wood with harsh thuds repeatedly.

However, once his amusement has died down and your agitation to use the bathroom continues to echo, Sunwoo begins to regret his antics. Problem is, he’s sure that if he just opens the door it won’t do anything to stop your scolding towards him. He needs to think of a tactic to calm you. And quick.

It all happens so suddenly; the door swinging open to reveal your boyfriend, one of his hands reaching out to cup your cheek while the other grabs your waist and pulls your body flush against his, before his lips finally capture yours desperately.

It’s takes you a minute to register what he’s playing at, initially responding to his kiss without resistance before you realise he’s trying to get out of trouble.

So you pull away, weaving yourself out of his grip before sliding past him and into the bathroom. Locking the door behind you, Sunwoo hears you shout one final warning through the door about not messing with you anymore today.

Eric

He’s beside you, unable to stop moving and fidgeting as he tries to wait for you to finish replying to a friend. All Eric wants is your attention.

But he lacks patience at the best of times. So this is proving difficult for him.

You can hear him letting out whines in complaint from your side, feeling the annoyance of his immature behaviour bubbling up until you finally look away from your phone to briefly glare at him.

He tugs on your arm the second your attention is back on your phone, reading the message you’d just received, and that’s when you loose it with him, telling him that if he can’t wait one more minute then he should just leave you alone.

So he does. Getting up and walking away from you in a sulk while you’re preoccupied by making arrangements with your friends. The second you realise he’s actually gone you feel terrible and decide to search for him to apologise.

Not that you get a chance to, becuase the second you spot your pouty boyfriend and begin to open your mouth to say sorry, he’s grabbed you and crashed his lips onto yours.

The only type of apology Eric wants is in the form of your attention. So that’s what he’s going to get.