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#teenage love
manicpixieangel444 · 6 months
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teenage love.
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HOME || CHILDHOOD BFF! SIMON 💔
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Summary:
Teen Simon and his best friend often spend their nights away from their respective houses because they found a home in each other…
Pairing:
teen!Simon x teen!F!reader
Content Warnings:
This fic gets dark. It references Simon's backstory (from '09), child abuse, domestic violence, child death, arguments, injuries, abandonment issues, drugs, sex, alcohol, youth homelessness, etc.
Check every chapters' tags/cw for specific warnings.
Chapters:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Canon Ending (Hurt/No Comfort):
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Non-Canon Ending (Hurt/Comfort):
Alternative Ending
Extras:
Home: Moodboard
Home: Playlist
1st Attempt at a Happy Ending (I don't like it)
[MY MASTERLIST]
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moonstarsinfinity · 2 months
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someone tell percy that this is supposed to be a slow burn because *SCREAMS 😭 🫶🏼
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lonelytalkinggg · 1 year
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I'll keep you as my favorite incomplete wish.
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zishougui · 19 days
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threezzyo · 3 months
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꒰ ˒ take you to the basics∘︴toji z.
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↬ you and toji zenin have a fun time at the aquarium. ⇢ sfw, no cw!
∾ zenin toji x gn!reader. modern au. no curse au. toji lives with his big family and you're already close with them. established relationship. height difference mentioned kinda. tiptoe kisses. fluff. young teenage love. aquarium date. comfort. healthy relationship. (my dream date actually)
a/n: i tried making this with little gendered pronouns, so everyone can read! i'd appreciate any feedback! title is a reference from 'basics' by twice <3
dividers are made by cafekitsune (tumblr)
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your favorite part of the aquarium was definitely the moon jellyfish. you admire how the jellies drift carelessly through the ocean, their delicate tentacles glimmering in the soft aquarium light, the chatter of the vivacious crowd around you, and your first love, toji zenin.
you had easily won over his family. it wasn't hard, you just acted like yourself. always polite, eagerly listening to the elder's stories. toji would be annoyed because it seemed that you would only come over to play with his cousins, mai and maki, or make tea for his grandfather.
the water feels like cold glass on your skin. the tank was huge, lots of people crowded around it as people excitedly touched the fish. using two fingers to softly pat the little translucent jellies.
"won't they sting ya?" a gruff voice rumbles in your ear. toji zenin, your boyfriend of three years, told you a week ago he'd never been to an aquarium. like the overly excited partner you are, you bought tickets to the local aquarium and dragged him here.
its just fish, he said. but he's here yelping as one of the tiny invertebrates brush his fingers ever so slightly.
"baby, its just a little jellyfish. why are you so scared?" you tease him, as you two wander around the building.
"...they could sting me." he mumbled, flushed from your teasing. he'd never admit it, but he loves likes it.
you laugh in response, tiptoeing to kiss his cheek. "its okay, i'll protect you from the moon jellies. poor baby toji." you squish his cheeks, overly sticking out your bottom lip.
"oi. stop." he grumbles.
"okay, okayy." you laugh, letting go of his face and holding his hand instead.
the sound of gently bubbling water, the sight of colorful fish and aquatic plants, and the calming effect of underwater lights create a serene atmosphere. toji can't take his eyes off of you, keeping you close at all times as you excitedly point out at the clownfish.
"i caught that fish in animal crossing. and that one. ooh... i've always wanted to get one of those, but they never spawn on my island." you ramble off excitedly.
"you're so cute, darling. could watch ya like this the whole day."
normally, he'd be bored, but it seems so relaxing looking at the shiny scales, or the underwater forests, with the kelp, coral, and anemones.
"are you having fun?" you murmur, holding his hand and leaning onto his shoulder. "i hope you are."
"of course i am." he replies smoothly, pressing a chaste kiss on your forehead. "i'd always have fun with you."
you beam up at him, watching the surgeonfish swim without a care in the world. "i love you."
he chuckles, wrapping you up in a big hug, his arms tight around your waist. "oh, i love you too. so fucking much."
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a/n: i hope it's decent i literally don't know how to add more ig😭 next i have a satoru fluff and i have an idea in the making for yuuji! i feel like i'm writing too much fluff and no like angst or smut but we'll see😜
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melloween-candie · 7 months
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An Endless Mission [J/Birch]
Judd Birch x Leah's BFF reader
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Summary
Leah is your best friend and she knows your dirty little secret... she knows that- YOU HAVE A BIG FAT CRUSH ON HER OLDER BROTHER JUDD!
You've had this crush on him for years and for years she has made it her mission to get you two together!
A/n - Writing this just cause he was my favorite Character in the show lol. I don't know... He just gave off that kind of vibe where he's sweet but psycho. Anyways I feel like he deserves more love. 😘
Warning! *SPOILER SEASON 1 Cussing, alcohol, mentions of boobs, boob touching, slight drowning, degrading, depression, anxiety, slight physical abuse
Word Count: 6,067
⚠️NOT MY ART⚠️
Big Mouth Masterlist
Fandom Masterlist
/"Talking"//Thinking//Muttering-Whispering/
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***Narrator's Pov***
"Leah! You said this was a pool party!?" You whined, trying to cover up your bikini body with your hands, but miserably failed. All your clothes were inside your bag, too, so you couldn't just grab them and change right then and there.
Though it would be a lie to say that you didn't want to try...
When you saw that familiar black hair with blue highlights, walk into the living room- You. Wanted. To. Die.
Right then and there... Your crush... Standing just a few feet away from you- just looking at you as if you were a maniac.
"Why are you in a bikini?" He asked. His voice was as deep as ever.
"Um... Uh..." You were dying out there. Your heart was beating, and your face was flushed red. You looked like you took a dip in a pool with all the sweat you were accumulating- meanwhile, your 'best friend' just stood there giggling.
You were so embarrassed...
"So, Judd- what do you think of Y/n's bikini she's going to wear tomorrow for the pool party?" She said with a teasing voice.
He stood there for a moment and then grunted. Giving you a slight nod, then left. His face never changed. He didn't even give you a little smirk...
"Wha- what's that supposed to mean?!" I said to Leah once he was fully gone.
She snorted. "You're hot. That's what it means." She giggles even more.
"Leah!!!" Your face turned an even brighter shade of red.
Back then, when you were a kid, most people never saw you. They never acknowledged you. You were practically invisible... Until you hit puberty. Nobody expected anything from you- in fact, you were a late bloomer. You were the last person in your class to get your period, and your boobs didn't start growing until the beginning of high school...
But look at you now. You were going into junior year with a hot body. Your hips grew in, and so did your boobs. You had what most girls wanted- an hourglass body. Silky smooth skin and a bubbly butt to top it off.
Though, because of how you were raised, you were always self-conscious. You made sure nothing showed, as hard as it was... You genuinely didn't like the attention. You were so used to the shadows, and quite frankly, you enjoyed it too.
Small Time Skip!~
"I can't believe you did this to me!!" You covered your face with your hands, feeling completely embarrassed.
"Oh, come on, Y/n! It wasn't that bad! You have the hottest body In. Our. Grade!! Use it~!" She said with a huge smile on her face. "I mean, I know it can feel like Judd doesn't have a di*k to get a boner sometimes, BUT if anyone CAN give him a boner, it's YOUUU!" She shook your shoulder lightly.
"God, seriously, Leah..." You uncovered your face to reveal a deep frown. "I love that you care, but I don't think I can survive another embarrassing moment like that..."
"Oh, don't be ridiculous-" Leah said, cutting you off. "You've survived all the other times!" She said as she started to braid your hair.
"For example, remember the first time we meant?!" Her smile grew even bigger.
"Oh god..." You muttered.
"We were in 6 grade meanwhile my brother was in 8th grade..."
"Please- end me." You muttered as Leah continues.
"It was the first time you came to my house. I was grabbing drinks, and I simply told you to go upstairs to the right... Where my room should be..."
"Please! STOP!" You covered your face one again out of pure embarrassment.
Leah giggled. "You ended up walking into my brother's room thinking it was mine-"
"You said to the right!" You interjected, trying to defend yourself.
"Well, I'm sorry, but I didn't know my rights and lefts at the time, and quite frankly, I still don't." She said, shrugging her shoulders as she continued. "But do you remember the face my brother made when he saw you there! Sitting on his bed...!" She started cackling.
"Oh, how can I forget." You said, rolling your eyes.
"H-his face- wa-was sooo red!!!" She laughed even more.
"Yeah, red with anger!"
Leah whipped a tear away- "No, silly. Red with embarrassment."
"Oh, please. He wasn't embarrassed- he yelled at me, Leah! That's not how normal people react when they're embarrassed."
"Oh, please. You should know by now- my brother isn't normal. Plus, he likes you!! How many times do I have to say it to convince you?!"
"Leah, stop! He has never once shown any positive sign-!"
Leah grabbed your shoulders, interrupting you completely. "How many times do I have to tell you?! My. Brother. Isn't. Normal!!!" She said shacking you.
"And besides, there ARE signs!" She said as she grabbed something from under her bed.
"Oh god... Not that again..." You said crunching up your face.
"Oh yes. It's this again!" Leah giggled, shoving the book in your face.
The title said-
Leah's Proof Book!!!
"I'm still so happy how I thought of this!"
This was a book that Leah made when she was little. It only took a few days of your friendship for her to realize you had a crush on her brother, Judd. This book contained-
The conversation, word for word, when you confessed to her the first time about having a crush on her brother.
Along with how you fell for him... When you first spoke to him- ON YOUR OWN! And along with all the times when Leah tried hooking you up with him.
To you- that book contained all the embarrassing fails you had with Judd; meanwhile, Leah saw the book as progress, Progress, PROGRESS~!
She REALLY wanted you and Judd to work out. She was literally your biggest ship fan ever. She just thought that it would be really cool to have you literally a part of her family. You are her best friend, after all, and even though her brother was scary and can come off as mean- she knows he would treat you right.
"What are you writing down now..." You said with a dreading undertone...
"Uhh, duh? That beautiful moment earlier when your body made Judd completely speechless~" She was completely overtaken by the giggles by this point... And all you did was lay flat on her bed sighing in defeat.
Time skip!~
"GIRLS DINNER TIME!"
"COMING!" Leah yelled.
"So, like I said earlier, Judd will be at the pool party." She said as she walked down the stairs with you.
"Right... Leah, I don't know- I don't think pretending to drown is a safe idea. Plus, you said it yourself: your brother is a bit- uhh, you know. I-I don't really want to die tomorrow." You said, rubbing your neck.
"Talking about Judd again, I, see?" Leah's dad Elliot said.
Oh, did I forget to mention- LEAH'S ENTIRE FAMILY KNOWS ABOUT YOUR CRUSH... and sadly, you weren't entirely sure if Judd knows. I mean, he is a very intuitive person. He practically knows everything, so you wouldn't be surprised if he knew about your long-time crush on him, and he simply chose to not say anything about it.
"Oh, stop it, Dad," Leah said. "No offense, but this is girl talk!" Leah grabbed your shoulders, pushing you away from her father.
"Yeah, Elliot. It's girl talk." Said Diana- Leah's mom. "Now, did you add any new entries to that book of your Leah? It's been a hot minute since..."
"Mom! How many times do I have to tell you! STOP SNEAKING IN MY ROOM-! And also- don't read my book! That's weird!" Leah yelled.
"What book?" Everything instantly froze when they heard that voice.
You stood there; your face turned completely red as you prayed it wasn't who you knew it was.
"You mean that dumb proof-book?" He said as he leaned on a counter, swinging a knife as he spoke.
"Y-you were in my room!" Leah stuttered. Her face was now red too- but not from embarrassment, no. But from anger.
"Relax butt-face. I didn't read your stupid book." He said as he shoved pass her.
As you just sighed in releaf.
Small Time Skip!~
***Leah's Pov***
Finally, it was dinner time! As I sat down, I gave Nick a little head nod, and he returned the gesture. Little did Y/n know this wasn't going to be an ordinary dinner...
A few minutes have passed, and not much was said...
"Uhh- Y/n, can you pass me the salt?"
"Uh, sure." She leaned in towards Judd's direction... That poor girl. I couldn't help but giggle a little. She may be sixteen, but she sure doesn't understand what I got her to do with that simple pled.
To put it into simple terms... I just got her to show her cleavage to my brother. I made sure to pay extra attention to his reaction, too. Most people would have missed it, especially since he was taking a sip of his drink, but I swear he smirked while looking at it.
"Um here." She said plainly, then went back to eating.
Step one of the dinner execution is complete. On to step too- touchy touch!
Knowing my brother- he can't resist spices, especially now! I made sure to get my mom to make his favorite. Every time she makes it, he'd always put hot sauce and a whole load of spices into it. I personally don't understand why. The meal is already spicey enough as it is...
I winked towards my dad- oh, did you think it was just me and Nick executing this? Oh, my dear, no... MY ENTIRE FAMILY is in this- my mom made the food, and now the rest is up to us three!
Once my dad saw Judd grab the spice shaker, he cleared his throat, waiting for the perfect time... And then BANG!
"Y/n deary, can you pass the spice shaker, please?" He smiled.
"Uhh, sure." She looked at Judd, who was still holding it. He meant her eyes, and she blushed. Then he gave our dad a glare as he passed the shaker to Y/n.
It was small, but It was still successful. Her index and middle finger touched his...
"Thank you, deary-"
"Okay, what's going on?" He said out of the blue.
"Oh my. But what do you mean, Juddy buddy?" Elliot smiled.
"You hate spices." He said plainly.
Crap...
"Oh... well... Hate is a strong word..." He said, trying to buy time to escalate the backup procedure.
I took a sip of my drink as I looked off to the corner. I placed my arm on the table and carefully angled my elbow towards Y/n's drink. Then I looked towards Nick; he, too, was drinking his cup.
And at the same time, we strike!
"Ughh! Hey!?" Y/n got up. Her drink spilled all over her white top... As Nick pretended to sneeze all over Judd. He got up, clearly pissed. He slammed Nick's head onto the table as a result, which gave my little brother a bloody nose..., and of course, my mother had to interject. Meanwhile, our father ran towards the bathroom with the excuse of-
"Ohh... Your right, Judd spices are NOT my friend." As he ran, he held his stomach to make it look more believable...
And with that, Nick pulled it off- he ran towards his 'so-called room.' When in reality, he ran towards Judd's room and locked it. Hopefully, he got out in time.
Meanwhile, Y/n walked towards our second and only bathroom that wasn't being used... Do you see the picture now?
I smirked evilly as they both walked away from the dining room.
Once they were gone, I saw something fall outside... OH MY GOD, it was Nick!
"I'm okay!" He said, then he fell back down. "Still- Oh-Kay... Huh..."
It seems that he did manage to escape in time. Good for him. I thought as I drank the rest of my drink.
And then... I heard it! A scream erupted from the upstairs bathroom. It sounded just like Y/n.
I quickly rushed along with my mother.
And there it was... Y/n had her shirt dangled in her arms... Her bra was pushed up a bit, so her boob fat poked out a little... She was on the ground- probably due to the shock of the door being opened on her. Meanwhile, my brother held the doorknob... He said nothing. His mouth was slightly gaped open...
Then, when he saw me and Mom, he made a tch sound, closed the door, and left with his usual grumpy self. Though I could have sworn I saw a blush on his face.
It was working... My plan was working... I was finally cracking him- I hid a smile as I tried to help my friend.
Time Skip!~
***Maurice's Pov***
"Holy shit, I can't believe that happened!" I was currently sitting on Judd's bed, feeling all tingly from the moment before. "You practically saw her nipples- No. WE practically saw her nipples!!"
"Shut it!" Judd says through gritted teeth as he continues to lift his weight bar once again.
"Ugghhh, but Judd! You have a fine hottie under your own house!!! She's going to be here for a whole night! Don't you at least want to fantasize about her?" I asked as I wiggled a sexy magazine in front of him.
All he replied with was a 'tch' as he continued lifting weights.
I sighed as I continued on with the next person on my list...
"Man, you're no fun..." I say as I got ready to leave. "Welp, wiggle your di*k if you need me." Then I left.
And all he said was "tch."
"In my opinion... I found that quite offensive. I mean, he didn't even say goodbye!" I said with the 'what's-wrong-with-this-kid' face. "It's like he's immune to horniness... wait, no- that's stupid, ha. I should write that down-"
Time Skip!~
***Leah's Pov***
"Okay, so I know dinner didn't go exactly as planned, but at least it ended well in the end," I said, trying to keep quiet.
It was currently midnight. Judd and Y/n were supposedly sleeping. Meanwhile, me and the rest of my family were holding a secret mission.
"So, mom. Do you still have that spare key to Judd's room?"
"Oh, sweety." She pulls out the keys. "I never leave home without it." She smiles.
"Great!" I whispered. "Now, Dad- are you ready?"
"Absolutely, sweety."
"Great! Let's get this show started!" I cheered lightly.
Small time skip!
I know you may think this is a little far fetch, but when I say they're meant to be, they are!!!
Okay! They don't really know it, but they actually have lots of things in common. Like Y/n loves horror movies, so does he. She absolutely loves raccoons... I don't know why, but that's her... Anyways, you get the idea.
Right now, me and my dad are currently carrying Y/n's sleeping body while my mom slowly opens Judd's door...
It was kind of scary, to be honest. No one ever really goes in here, so we didn't really know what to expect. All we did was pray he was asleep, and thankfully he was.
I know this might be wrong since it can go wrong sooo quickly, but like... There's a chance where he might not stab y/n the moment he wakes up... Right? Haha... Ha...
Anyways, we placed her under his sheets quietly. Thankfully, she's a deep sleeper... Now, all there was to do was head to bed and wait till morning!
Time Skip!
***Y/n's Pov***
I was rudely awakened by a hand covering my mouth. At first, I tried screaming but then froze when I realized I wasn't in Leah's room anymore... Dear God, no...
That's right... I was in Judd's bed... Wearing nothing but panties and a tank top... I looked up at him, and he had his fingers to his lips.
"H-how did I get here..." I stared the door down for dear life. I was too scared to face him.
"Leah and the others. They placed you here when you were sleeping. I saw it all happened."
"Uh...Oh." I looked down, completely embarrassed.
Judd just stood there looking at me... It was an awkward silence. I wasn't sure what to do. I kind of just sat there, completely frozen... Until he spoke.
"You can sleep there for the night."
I looked at him in shock. His facial structure stayed the same as always.
"I'm not sure what they're trying to do, but clearly, they really want you around me..."
There again... A moment of silence. I looked towards the ground. I couldn't help but feel ashamed for what I was wearing...
"I won't stop them." He muttered as he lifted up his window. I couldn't really hear that first part but then he said- "You can sleep here for the night. It's not like I ever use my bed anyways." Then he left through the window.
I quickly got up in fear that he might have hurt himself, but he was gone. He wasn't on the ground... He was nowhere to be found. I sighed, closing his window. Then I returned to his bed and cuddled up close to his blankets.
I know it was a little wrong, but I couldn't help but enjoy this... The blankets smelled exactly like him! And they were really warm too! His bed was so comfy that I fell asleep again quite quickly.
Time skip!~ MORNING!
***Leah's Pov***
When I saw Y/n and Judd walk downstairs towards the kitchen- where everyone was... I couldn't help but make the comment- "So, how did y'all sleep last night?" I looked directly at them both, trying to hide my growing smirk and giggles.
Before Y/n could say anything- Judd spat- "Wouldn't you like to know?" He smirked... He SMIRKED!
Does that actually mean... NO WAY...! Did my baby bird finally popped her cherry?!
I mentally screamed with joy. As Y/n groggily walked over. Her hair was a mess... She clearly had an 'intense' night. I laughed in my head.
I nudged her with my elbow... Teasing her, she just rolled her eyes as she took another sip of her coffee.
Time Skip!~
"Wait, what? You didn't actually lose your V-card?" I was somewhat disappointed as I slipped on my bikini bottoms. We had about thirty minutes left till the party started.
"You make it sound like a bad thing?"
"Well... It's just- you were in his room practically naked..."
She blushes. Hitting me playfully as I giggled. "Leah!" She whined.
I giggled harder- "Don't worry, Y/n. I promised he'll take your virginity at some point today!"
"LEAH!"
I laughed harder.
Small Time Skip!~
Not even thirty minutes into the party, the house was already packed... which would have been fine if my stupid brother, Nick, hadn't invited all his stupid friends. I rolled my eyes for what felt like the fifth time that night...
What's worse is that Judd still hasn't shown... God, this sucks. If he doesn't show up, then my ultimate bestie hook-up plan won't work. I sighed, taking a long sip of the wine Judd got for the party.
Small Time Skip!~
10 more minutes passed by, and I was still leaning against the wall... just waiting for him. Meanwhile, Y/n was just sitting by the edge of the pool... GOD, this would be THE PERFECT time for Me to EXECUTE my PLAN!! I whined.
And then- FINALLY! He shows up... He wasn't even in a swimsuit- which was slightly disappointing. I was kind of hoping to see my girly have that cute, embarrassing, stutter moment most movies make when they make situations similar to this.
But that's not the point... I'm just glad he showed up; otherwise, I would have had to get my other brother, Nick, to go and get one of his raccoons... There's a fifty percent chance they don't know how to swim, and knowing Judd, he'd kill anyone if it meant they'd live.
I walked towards Judd, who was currently drinking the last of his Jack... "Hey, so-" He smashed the glass bottle on the fool, making me jump. "Seriously?"
"Where's my fifty bucks?" He said with one hand whipping his lips while the other was extended towards me.
I rolled my eyes. "You'll get your fifty soon, but first-" I shoved him perfectly behind Y/n. Who didn't even know he was here- let alone coming...
He stumbled a little bit. "What the hell- Oof?!"
"Eek!"
'SPLASH!'
I know- he's going to kill me... BUT IT WAS SO WORTH IT! When they both came to the surface- he was holding her as she was coughing. Her wet bangs covered her eyes, so she didn't even know... AHHHAHAHAH! I couldn't help but fangirl over the scene.
***Y/n's Pov***
I didn't even know what happened... One moment, I was sitting on the edge of the pool. My legs were dangling in the water, and I was just chilling- then the next thing I knew, something- or in this case, someone pushed me...
"Tch."
That was all I heard when I came to the surface. Something was holding me up... which was great cause I didn't really know how to swim. However, the sound of that voice sounded a little too familiar... which honestly terrified me.
I took a moment before brushing away my bangs... Then there he was- Judd Birch... his shirt was sticking to his skin, outlining the curves of his muscles... Oh god-
I looked towards Leah, clearly annoyed and very embarrassed. Meanwhile, Judd carried me to shore.
He seemed a little more adjugated than usual... He placed me down and walked directly towards Leah, who was slowly backing up. Then she started running, shrieking while doing so as he chased her. "LEAHHH! YOU FUCK FACE, GET BACK HERE!" He yelled, causing a crowd to start forming.
Then suddenly Leah ran towards me- before I could even react, she grabbed my shoulders and used me as a shield- "Hey!"
"Sorry, girly- But unlike me, he won't kill you!" She had her eyes closed tightly as if I would actually work as a descent shield... Her head was turned away, too-
I rolled my eyes, but then two seconds later, I felt something. I froze... Judd Birch... was touching my-my-my bo-bo-boobs! My face turned completely red as I just stared at him. His eyes were slightly bigger, and his face was a little flushed, but then he quickly composed himself- pulling his hands away.
People obviously took advantage of that entire scene... they took videos and pictures. God, I'm going to hate myself once I see how many views it'll get...
Leah finally loosened her grip on me. She opened her eyes and looked at her brother. "Umm... did I miss something?"
He just 'tched' and left. He was clearly blushing... I guess he, too, was capable of feeling embarrassment.
***Marice's Pov***
"WHAT WAS THAT! You had the opportunity to squeeze them, but you just let them go!"
I yelled as we both walked away from that fiasco. "Y/n was in your grasp, man! WASN'T THAT WHAT YOU DREAMED OF- what you wanted!" I whined.
I couldn't help but feel upset. It's like he was ignoring me... he barely jerks off- and now, when he likes someone, he does nothing! LETERALLY NOTHING!
***Judd's Pov***
"Shut the h*ll up, Mori. That was an accident." I said to that 'thing' that constantly follows me.
"Yeah! And besides- didn't you see her face! She was mortified!" Tito said. "Her face alone PROVED that she didn't like you!"
Great- that stupid mosquito's here now. I slammed my bedroom door shut.
"Oww- Don't feel bad, Judd. I'm sure she understands. It was an accident, after all. And don't believe a word that filthy mosquito says-" The stupid love bug grabbed my shoulder. "I'm sure she loves you too."
I felt the heat rise up to my cheeks. My grip on the edge of my bed tightened as I stared at nothing... I hate this.
My heart was pounding, and my chest tightened... Maybe that stupid mosquito was right-
***Y/n's Pov***
Leah finally released my shoulders. I just sat there on my knees.
"Soo~ How did it feel!" She smiled.
"Wha-" I scrunched my eyebrows, turning to face her. I was clearly lost...
"His hand, Y/n! His hand touched your boob!" She smiled, shacking me when she said that last sentence.
"Wait- did you plan this!" I said, clearly upset. "Leah! How many times do I have to tell you!" My eyes started watering as I got up.
"I didn't want your hel- uh... I-huh..." I rubbed my eyes, trying to wipe away the tears. I couldn't even look at her. "I-ha... I just-" I kept hiccupping, which irritated me.
"Y/n..."
I took a deep breath. "I just wished you left it alone! I wished you stopped putting me- in these embarrassing moments!" I cried out. "I'm not like you, Leah! I don't see everything like it's a movie!" I said, and then I ran off.
"Y/n wait-!" She yelled, trying to get up, but she lost me in the crowd.
God, I seriously hope that group of kids won't post that video of me crying... I already embarrassed myself enough today.
I was currently curled up on the bathroom floor. My tears stopped, but I didn't feel like moving. I just sat there... I didn't even bother whipping away the tear stains on my cheeks. I just quivered there pathetically.
"Oh, Y/n- it's okay." Connie said as she rubbed my back, clearly trying to comfort me.
"Okay- OKAY! That was a DISASTER! The ENTIRE GRADE saw Y/n CRY!" Tito yelled as they buzzed all around my head. Connie tried swatting it away but failed. "What's worse was that people were videoing her! No- wait! What if Judd sees that video! He's going to think we're a CRYBABY!!!" Tito multiplied even more.
"Oh, who CARES!" Yelled the hate worm. "Right now, we should be focusing on the one person who caused this he*l for us!"
"Oh, please!" Connie rolled her eyes. "Leah was only trying to help!"
Meanwhile, I just sat there. I held onto my knees as I hid my face.
"Shush now! All of you.~" Said the big fat cat... She wrapped around my body and purred. "Oh, Y/n. I told you to give up early on- it's a shame you didn't listen..." She continued to purr...
I didn't bother moving at all. I didn't say anything or do anything as they all rambled on.
"Oh dear..." Connie muttered.
***Leah's Pov***
Oh god- oh god! This is my fault! I got up as Y/n was completely out of my sight now... "WHAT THE HE*L ARE YOU ALL STILL DOING HERE!" I screamed out my frustration. After that, people started scrambling.
I quickly ran in the direction Y/n went. I tried looking for her everywhere, but I couldn't find her... and then I heard some muffling. It was coming from the end of the hallway- through that bathroom door.
I walked up to it slowly. "Y/n? Are you in there?" I knocked gently.
-No response-
"Okay- you don't have to respond. But if that's you in there- I. Am. So. Sorry." I said in a breathy tone. "I didn't mean for this to happen- I just..." I took a breath.
"Look. You were right. I should have just dropped it. I don't know what came over me... I'm. So. Sorry."
I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on the door. "I'm sorry for being such a sh*ty friend... I just really wanted for you and my brother to end up together- and now that I'm saying it out loud, it sounds wrong."
I turned around and leaned my back against the door- slowly slipping down to the floor. "You don't have to forgive me right away... But I really. Really! Hope we can stay friends." My eyes started watering at that point. "I promise... I'll- I'll back off." I started struggling with my words as the tears started falling down my cheek.
Then suddenly, the door behind me opened, causing me to fall. I looked up to see Y/n. My heart aches to see her in that state. I got up on my fours and crawled my way towards her, cuddling her as she went back to her sitting position.
We sat like that for a while until someone interrupted us.
***Judd's Pov***
"Yo dipshits. Got out of the bathroom, I gotta take a piss-" I stopped talking the moment I realized it was my little sister and her best friend. They both looked like they were crying.
What a shi*ty day.
"The he*l's wrong?" I said with a softer tone- hey, don't look at me like that! I'm not a monster...
I kneeled down towards them. I pushed my sister's bangs out of her eyes. I looked towards her in hopes she would get the cue and start explaining. She just shook her head lightly, then closed her eyes again, tightening her grip on Y/n.
"Tch." I got up and left.
"What the he*l are you doing! Y/n clearly needs you right now!"
Great... That stupid love bug appeared... What better timing. I thought sarcastically. I tightened my fists as I 'walked' downstairs.
"Dame Judd, what's wrong with yo-" Before that mistake named 'Nick' could finish his sentence, I pushed his ugly face out of my way.
"Get out of my way, disabled fu*k."
He ended up stubbing down the stairs. I just laughed. I heard his whining through the first-floor bathroom walls- it made me feel a little better.
Then my stupid parents showed up.
"What- happened here?" My mom said.
"Ughhh." Nick couldn't even walk straight... He must have drank too much of that pink baby sh*t. Tch- reminds me of my first time when I got drunk... Oh- good times- good times.
I then walked upstairs towards my room. I figured thoughts two would be done sulking by now... But nope, they were still there. It... Kinda sucked.
I sighed. I walked towards them.
"Hey- get up," I demanded.
-no response-
I rolled my eyes, grabbing them both. My heart ached when I saw Y/n's face... "Look, you both can't stay in here forever..." A moment of silence passed as they both just stared at the ground.
"Tch. Come on."
Leah looked up at me. "Where are we going?"
"Someplace, where you shi*s would stop feeling so- shi*ty..."
***Leah's Pov***
I smiled a little... It was nice to know that my brother cared... But then I looked at Y/n... She didn't even react. I don't even think she heard what he said.
He just dragged us both to his car, but when we got to the front door, I stopped him.
He looked back at me as he still held Y/n's wrist.
I looked down. "I'm fine... If anything- you should take Y/n."
"Yeah, well-" He paused for a moment. "Isn't that kind of your job- yeah, now. As her best friend and sh*t?"
"Trust me... She'll feel better with you..." I rubbed my arm.
"Whatever." The he left with her.
***Mori's Pov***
"Alright, man! Maybe we can turn this day around by having a wicked night with Y/n, yeah!?" I said, trying to cheer my buddy up. "You could even pretend it's a date! Like you always wanted-"
"Tch."
I stopped. If you were his hormone monster for as long as I was... You'd understand what that meant.
Time skip!~
***Y/n's Pov***
I looked up to see that he stopped in front of an abandoned building... Not creepy at all...
"Get out of the car," Judd said.
I did as he said and got out. My head still hanging low.
"Ohh god- he's gonna leave you here..." Said Tito. "He's- he's- HE'S GONNA LEAVE YOU HEAR TO DIE!"
My eyes started watering at the thought.
"Hey." Judd pulled my chin up so I'd face him. "Quite crying." He said in a softer tone.
Then he grabbed me and started walking inside.
We went a little deeper into the building, climbing a few stairs and going under this hole... Then there it was.
It was an okay-sized room... There were pillows and blankets everywhere. There was a bowl of raccoon food on the side and a lot of pictures... They looked like they were hand-drawn. I smiled at the one with- what I think was a raccoon? Surprisingly enough, this room was quite colorful due to the hanging blankets- acting like a roof so the actual roof wouldn't drop nasty dirt at us. And the fairy light... I didn't think he was the type of guy to use fairy lights to light up a room... Candles, at least.
"Wha-" I whipped my eyes. "What is this place?" I asked.
Judd sat down on what I assumed was a mattress. He was touching the wall... It looked like it had a lot of stab marks on it. "It's where I go when I feel like sh*t." He said, then he got up to grab a bottle of Jack out of the mini-fridge. "Don't say anything to Leah or your friends. I don't need any of them knowing about this place." He said with a slightly more threatening voice.
I simply nodded as he sat back down on the mattress and he pushed his knees closer to his chest. He cocked his head to the side, indicating me to sit next to him- I did.
"Want some?" He offered in a calming tone. I just nodded. No thanks. I thought.
"Suit yourself." He said, swinging his drink around lightly then proceeding to take a sip. We sat there in silence like that for a few good minutes.
It wasn't even uncomfortable. Until he broke the silence.
"So." He said, swinging his drink around lightly once again. "Do you- like... Like me or something?"
My heart started pounding once again. I looked at him- he wasn't looking at me. He simply just took another sip...... More like- he drank it all in one gulp...
He whipped his mouth. "Well?" He asked, looking down at his now empty bottle of Jack.
"I- uh..." I stuttered. "I- um..." My face felt like it was on fire. I didn't know what to do. I was too scared to say anything.
He sighed. Then he turned around to stare at the beaten wall... "I like you... You know."
My eyes widened at what he just said... Could I be hearing things or something!?!? I mean... I must be right!?!?
My heart was pounding way faster now. Then he turned around a little too quick. I scoot back a little.
He looked at me- "Say something, dipsh*t!"
Oh right... Well, here goes- well, everything.
"I-" I took a moment and to inhale some air. "I like you too!" I said as I shut my eyes as tightly as I could...
-no response-
For a moment, I started to think that he might have left, but then, suddenly, I felt something warm touching my cheek... His hands. It felt like his hands... He was pulling my face, and when I opened my eyes- his face was so close! His eyes were closed, and he kept pulling. I completely froze as he, Judd Birch, KISSED ME ON. THE. LIPPPPSS!
My mind was going haywire! As my love bug was flying everywhere, giggling and smiling, glowing as bright as the sun.
I didn't even realize that Judd pulled away- "What's wrong?" He muttered.
Sh*t. I didn't even realize I wasn't kissing him back- "N-nothing."
"Don't lie-" He said, but I interrupted him by kissing him.
"Don't overthink it." I smiled slightly at him. "I feel better now. Thank you." I spoke as I hugged him, resting my head on his shoulder. He placed a hand around me- hugging me back.
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A/n
Oops- I didn't mean to make it this long- lol 😅 Not going to lie though; it was really fun writing this. I might actually make more fanfics for him too... 🤔😊 Anyway, sorry if some of the characters were out of character- overall, I hope you guys enjoyed it!
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sweetlves · 1 year
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two of hearts…
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synopsis. gojo begs you to not leave him after sugurus rampage
characters/pairings. highschool satoru gojo x highschool fem! reader
genre. angst, fluff
tw. none
a/n. highschool gojo always has me bawling my eyes out. inspired by staceyq’s song “two of hearts” <33
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you’re currently sitting on an empty chair inside a classroom of jujutsu tech.
the pitter-patter of the rain outside the open window fills your scent and ears. droplets of rain falling off of the beautiful green trees and colorful flowers. the chilly air nips at you through your long sleeved uniform.
the serene sight is a drastic difference from the apprehensive tension in the room.
you had just told satoru you want to resign from jujutsu tech.
after geto went on a rampage about killing all non-shamans — it spurred a realization in your mind
you don’t want to live like this. you don’t want to die a death that you know won’t even make a dent of change in the jujutsu world. it wasn’t worth it. you’re only 16, a teenager. you should be out shopping and talking gossip with friends. not fighting till you drop dead.
but once you told satoru these thoughts…he didn’t handle it well.
“what do you mean y/n!?” he practically jumps off of his chair.
“i just said it satoru…i don’t wanna live like this…,” your voice cracks from desperation.
“seriously…you can’t just back out now!” he stomps toward your desk and slams his hands into the surface — looking at you over his glasses angrily. his beautiful blues are sight for sore eyes but the piercing gaze cuts deep.
“yeah i can, there’s no contract that keeps us here.” you look down at the desk with tired somber eyes.
“i can’t believe you y/n…what are you gonna do after you leave then huh!?”
“i wanna be normal…,” you furrow your eyebrows in anger — standing up from your desk while slamming your hands down, right in front of satorus.
“i wanna be a normal school girl with friends, i wanna go shopping and talk about boys! i wanna get a job, and travel places! i wanna go to concerts and have fun! i wanna live my goddamn life!!” you shout the last sentence with frustration and pain in your voice.
satoru is taken aback. his eyes widened and mouth slightly opened and stifles a few steps away. the tension in the room stiffened ten times more than before. you huff out while looking out the window, holding your arms from the cold and frustration.
“y/n…”
you continue staring outside. you hear footsteps coming toward you. you feel the hesitation radiating off of satoru.
“i’m sorry….” you turn to face him. he took his glasses off. bright blues full of emotion — full of sorrow and guilt, stare right back at you.
“it’s okay…I’m just so…tired..” you sigh out.
“i know…i just…i don’t know,” he sighs while running his hand through his hand mindlessly.
“…satoru i knew you’d be upset but…why this much? no offense but, you let suguru go off a lot easier compared to what you’re doing right now..” you question hesitantly.
“i…i uhm, don’t know…” he says quietly like a small child, avoiding your gaze.
“whatever it is, you’re really making it a lot harder…do you really think i don’t feel awful about this?” your voice cracks again — hearing it coming out of your own mouth make you want to break down and cry.
your hands travel to your waist, holding yourself as you try to look in every direction but satoru. you bring your hands up to your face, covering your mouth while inhaling sharply. he just stared at the ground, clenching his fists. silence enveloped the room for a minute before you broke the silence.
“…i…i should go now…” you whisper anxiously while wiping the tears prickling at your eyes. you grab your bag, slinging it on your shoulder while walking past satoru quickly.
a step after you walked past him, a hand wraps around your wrist roughly, stopping you from walking any further —- basically yanking you back.
“wh-what…?” you say with a breathy sigh. turning to look at the boy.
“…you’re not fucking leaving.” he says firmly, almost angrily while towering over you. his intense eyes burning into yours. your eyes widen from the sudden hostility — his attitude shifted completely, you’ve never seen satoru act this way before.
he notices the widening and startledness in your eyes and immediately regrets the action.
“…i’m sorry,” he lets go of your wrist and takes a step back.
“i just…i don’t want you to leave…” he looks at the ground somberly.
“i know…you’ve made that very clear….” you look to the side of where satoru stands while clutching the strap of your bag. silence overtakes the room again before he speaks.
“…please…” he whispers softly.
you quirk an apprehensive eyebrow, turning your head to look at him, wondering what he means.
“…please y/n,” he brings his head up and looks into your eyes. they’re filled with sadness and determination —- shining and glistening with so much emotion. you’ve never seen him like this before, you’re not sure if anyone has. you’re taken aback from all the vulnerability he’s showing you by his own will. how would the higher-ups and his enemies react to the strongest sorcerer crumpling into tears and desperation — begging?
“…please don’t leave….”
he takes half a step toward you and holds your forearms gently. your eyes widen in absolute shock at the following motion he makes.
he slowly fell to his knees, his hands coming down as well, holding the backs of your knees. tears prickle and form in his bright cerulean eyes as he looks up at you.
“…i need you y/n, don’t leave me too…”
he pleads with his voice cracking, little streams of tears pouring out of his beautiful eyes.
your eyes are wide in disbelief. the world's strongest sorcerer, satoru gojo, is currently on his knees, begging you to stay with him.
you feel hot guilt tightening your throat. tears burning and prickling in your eyes. a small choked sob he lets out is all it takes for you to break. hot tears pour out of your eyes like a dam that’s broken. sobs fall out of your mouth.
you slowly fall to your knees, sitting on your legs as your bag slips off your shoulder. you cup his tear-stained wet cheeks before enveloping him in a tight warm hug.
he immediately reciprocates, holding you tightly as if you’ll disappear as soon as he lets go. you both sob into each other’s shoulders, never wanting to let go.
you feel his heartbeat pumping at the same pace as yours against your chest. as if they were one.
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© sweetlves 2023. all works belong to me, please do not copy, translate, and repost on other social media platforms.
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hoodie-buck · 9 months
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teen!buddie au is here ya’ll! she’s been two years in the making and i hope y’all love her as much as i do 🥹 thanks to my wife for the beautiful cover art @heartbeatdiaz <;33
ch. 1/9 | rated: m | words: 3.2k/36.7k | read on ao3
summary:
Buck only nuzzled closer, his breath ghosting over Eddie’s lips, begging Eddie to take that last step.
“Ev, please don’t make this harder than it already is.”
Buck’s lips were all but touching his, their noses pressed together. Buck was all around him, voice pleading.
“Just one Eds, please.”
That was the problem. It was never just one; once they dove into the world of each other, it was almost impossible to stop—they could never get enough. Not enough kisses, touches, or sweet sounds made between them would ever be enough; if there was one thing they never tired of, it was each other.
—or—
A collection of firsts in Buck and Eddie’s relationship, from when they met as teenagers, to now. AKA the teen buddie au.
**if you wanna be tagged in chapter updates lmk <33*
tagging squad below, just lmk if you wanna be added or removed <3
tags: @heartbeatdiaz @redlightsandicedtea @confetti-cupcake @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @swiftiebuckleyhan @loveyourownsmiilee @justsmilestuffhappens @barbiediaz @honestlydarkprincess @zainclaw @eddiesbicowboy @djdangerlove @bifirefighters @mr-and-mr-diaz @buddierights @crazyfangirlallert @monsterrae1 @wh0re-behavi0r @jacksadventuresinwriting @stanningsky @angelwiththeblue-box @spotsandsocks @elvensorceress @alyxmastershipper @prince-buck-diaz @spaceprincessem @panbuckley and @sevenweeksofunrepression
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mitskicoded · 9 months
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♡ ‘girl crush’ ; a visual. ♡
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♡ quote: haruki murakami | show: violetta | video: girls like girls by hayley kiyoko | source of letter unknown | movie: the virgin suicides | song: i know you by faye webster | movie: i believe in unicorns ♡
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obsessive-girl-xx · 2 months
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Bones and all - 2022
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underthetree845 · 4 months
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Skipping Beats
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15 pm! Dazai/15 pm! Reader (oneshot)
Cws: gn! reader, 15 pm! reader, 15 pm! dazai, ada dazai, dazai's pov, 15 chuuya, ! slight dazai's backstory spoilers ! , first kiss, fluff, dazai being dazai, memories, implied mutual pining
About 1.3k words
Summary: How did Dazai and Reader end up sharing their first kiss as teenagers?
A/n: I giggled so much while writing this 😭 I love making Dazai calm on the outside but internally panicked on the inside. Also here is (@/kimjiho1's requested credit for use of the first divider).
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“You think I can’t?” “I know you can’t.” “What makes you so sure?” “You’ve never done it before.” “So? There’s a first time for everything.” “Prove it.” “You want me to?” “Just don’t blame me when you-” 
He was about to make another remark when he was involuntarily cut off. Dazai froze in place and found himself unable to know how to respond to your action, which was a rarity in itself. Admitting that he’s never kissed anyone before either would be equivalent to suicide, not the painless kind. Aware that he probably looked like a deer caught in headlights, Dazai allowed his eyelids to sink closed. Your lips were soft, he noted, softer than he expected anyone’s to be, and up close he could tell you smelled good too. The sensation caused a tension on the inside of his skin and a scalding on the outside. It was hot- but not irritation or malevolence. It didn’t burn, just spread, warming his body from the tips of his fingers to the top of his head, causing something to stir in his chest. 
The kiss was over as suddenly as it started. Your cheeks were deeply flushed, and you looked at him with a mixture of satisfaction and obvious anxiety dripping down your throat. Dazai was observant to every twitch of your muscles and length of your breath, and he was sure you were aware of the same. It took him a moment to remember to breathe as the moment lingered. 
“You’ve got more guts than I thought, I’ll give you that,” Dazai chuckled slightly, swiping a thumb over his bottom lip. Your breath wavered as you let out a sigh and leaned back in your seat. “Well? See? I did it?” you huffed, crossing your arms in front of your chest.  “And I’m honored to have been the one to have received your first kiss,” he smirked. “Inexperienced as you may be, it wasn’t bad for a first try.”
You squinted your eyes. “Oh and my wisdom could never compare to one so vast as yours?” you raised an eyebrow. “Precisely,” the brunette smiled complacently. “So teach me,” you leaned forward, resting your elbows on your knees. His pause was momentary, but noticeable for someone who usually couldn’t shut their mouth. “Hmm, Bella, are you sure you aren’t just using this as an excuse because you want more?” he teased, despite how his hands nearly trembled at the thought. “Well for someone as omniscient as yourself, that shouldn’t even matter when dealing with someone so inexperienced, right?” you persisted. “You have nothing to lose.” Seeing no other way out, Dazai exhaled with feigned contempt. “Fine, if you really want me to that badly,” he turned to face you again in his seat, “but just this one time.” “Whatever you say,” you replied with a smile, one he wanted so badly to kiss smack off your face. “Okay so first, there needs to be a bit of foreplay,” Dazai stated, you nodded and locked eyes. “You don’t just ram your lips into theirs,” he continued, “you have to make them want to kiss you first.” “And how do I do that?” you tilted your head. Dazai gulped. “It’s about the atmosphere,” he explained, leaning his elbow on the table to his left, slightly closer to you, “it has to be intimate.” 
“Like this?” you asked. It took every muscle in Dazai’s body to not involuntarily twitch at the contact. He didn't know how much longer he’d last with your hand cupping his cheek so gently. 
“Not bad,” he affirmed. “Next,” he spoke a little lower, “you have to look at them like you want to kiss them.” 
“I think I’ll need a little something to go on, Dazai,” your grin was goading, but so, so warm. The corners of your eyes crinkled, your lips curved so perfectly, you looked at him between your eyelashes and he knew he would have trouble standing if he tried. 
The mafia executive took a deep breath and placed one hand on your waist, the other loosely over your other hand which rested in your lap. 
“That’s good, be sure to tilt your head as you lean in,” even Dazai knew his voice sounded strained. “It helps if you glance between their eyes and lips as you do.” How long had he craved attention like this? So long he’d searched for something that might make him understand what he could not, a scrap of something real, something in this world worth living for. Did he even deserve attention like this- from you of all people? 
To him, you were an angel walking on earth. 
Either that, or you were the devil trying to fool a sinner such as himself into believing that he could be worthy of such tender affection. Your eyes, glassy, glanced down at his lips and he took notice of the start of a blush on your cheeks. He could feel your breath, it mingled with his, the world seemed to still as both of you leaned in. You allowed your eyelashes to flutter closed and Dazai soon followed. If he thought your first kiss blew his mind, your second was the most extraordinary moment of his life. He hadn’t gotten the chance to savor the taste of your lips, how warm they truly were, how he wanted to melt into your embrace for all eternity. Dazai tilted his head to deepen the kiss and felt you shudder. You each had a hand resting on your lap, his on top of yours. He wasn’t quite sure who did it first, but soon your fingers were intertwined. 
You were the first to pull away but you kept close, your foreheads resting against one another. Dazai breathed heavily, scanning your face for any sign of dissatisfaction or even disgust. “Was that good?” you spoke, embedded into your voice was that softness he wanted more than anything to be carried away by. You locked eyes and Dazai couldn’t help the way his heart skipped a beat, maybe two. He stared for another moment, lips parted, feeling the most real he ever had in a long time. “...Y/n,” he started, giving your hand a squeeze, “I-” 
“Oh what the hell you two,” a voice interrupted from the side. Dazai jumped slightly before turning his head, not used to being caught off guard. You startled backwards; he immediately missed the warmth your closeness brought, but found a certain satisfaction in the fact that your hands remained in a tight lock. Chuuya stood with his hand on the door, a slightly embarrassed grimace on his face. He held a bag of convenience store snacks at his side, the food he had been sent to purchase after losing to Dazai thirty two times in a row at rock paper scissors. 
“N-nakahara!” you swallowed, your grip on Dazai’s hand growing tighter, “That was fast!” “The convenience store is three blocks away,” Chuuya murmured, setting the plastic bag down and crossing his arms. “So, are we going to talk about it... or?”
You turned to face Dazai again and he slowly shifted his gaze from the redhead back to you, an almost repulsed look on his face. “Eugh, Y/n,” he started, hunching his back in towards you. You furrowed your brows and leaned in closer. “I think a big slimy slug just walked in,” he whispered, and an offended scoff came from the boy standing to his right. Dazai didn’t miss the way you had to hold back a laugh, and found himself grinning as Chuuya aggressively grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. 
-
“Dazai-san?” the man’s eyes flew open at the sound of his name, he slid his headphones down to his neck and turned to the source of the voice, tilting his head curiously. “What’s up Atsushi-kun?” he inquired, still leaning back in his office chair with his hands folded behind his head. “Oh! Sorry,” Atsushi gave a small, sheepish smile, “I wasn’t sure if you were asleep or not. You must have been thinking pretty hard about something.” “Hm,” Dazai replied, gaze shifting to the floor, “guess I was.” Atsushi paused for a moment, Dazai removed his hands from the back of his head. “What were you thinking about?” “Just some old memories. Don’t worry about it.” 
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A/n: Thank you for reading, I really enjoyed writing this <3 (it was based on a daydream).
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Home. (ALT ENDING) || cbf!Simon "Ghost" Riley
Rating: M Words: 3K (this one got away from me, sorry) Pairing: cbf!Simonxafab!reader / teen!Simonxteen!Reader Summary: Teen Simon and his best friend often spend their nights away from their respective houses because they found a home in each other… CW: mentions of psychological issues, mentions of self-harm, mentions of therapy Tags: you/your pronouns, hurt/comfort, ANGST, forgiveness, catharsis. a/n: not proofread. THIS IS THE HAPPY ENDING. I'M STILL NOT HAPPY WITH IT, BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS.
[FIC MASTERLIST] || [MY MASTERLIST]
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Anyone would say that Simon Riley is good. 
Good company for going out drinking.
A good partner for duos in training.
A good shot.
A good soldier.
A good candidate.
A good recruit.
A good lad.
But Simon would say he’s a bad, bad man.
Even before he took this job.
Destined to rot from the inside out.
To become the things he’s promised himself to not ever become.
Finding a way out of home, out of the trauma, only works if some of it is not already inside of you.
Slowly eating you up.
Ever-lasting.
All-consuming.
That’s what Simon figured out in the last 15 years.
Grief.
Depression.
Rage.
Antisocial tendencies.
Psychopathy.
PTSD.
Compartmentalization of emotions and trauma.
Tendencies for self-harm and self-sabotage.
Fear of vulnerability.
Trust issues.
An inclination for isolation.
A past muddled by juvenile delinquency and early drug and alcohol use.
An avoidant attachment style in any relationships he attempts to form due to an inability to truly connect with others.
An identity crisis stemming from low self-worth and a disturbed self-image.
The list goes on.
Simon would say he’s got it all under control.
But any Army-appointed psychiatrist would disagree.
And he’s too valuable of an asset to let go of…
Just the ‘depression’ diagnosis would land the average soldier on a watchlist and the ‘tendencies to self-harm’ would get anyone a medical discharge and interned into a psych ward.
Thank God Simon’s not the average soldier.
Price has been pulling strings to keep him around, calling in favors to people for his sake and getting people to turn a blind eye to the fact Simon Riley has not gone to a single routine psych check in the better part of a decade.
In exchange, however, that forced Simon to take a deal with Price and instead see an off-site psych expert. A friend of Price’s, a retired psychiatrist who has no way of getting him discharged.
As such, every time he goes on leave he drives some 4 or so hours from Hereford to a small village in Cumbria up north to see her. He always spends the first week of his leave there, in a chalet right smack in the middle of the Lake District National Park…  It’s peaceful and nice. Over those 5 to 7 days, he talks about anything and everything. 
At first he hated it, but with time, it did bring him clarity on a lot of his issues without any sort of danger or judgement. In her words, Dr. Armstrong had been dealing with John’s shit for “far too long”, and nothing Simon would tell her would make a dent on the appalling things she’s heard… And true to her word, Simon hadn’t spotted any shock or discomfort in her, even as he spoke of some utterly vile things.
She made him feel heard, understood, welcome… alive, even if more often than not he didn’t quite feel human. He always came in the door like the ghost of his moniker, a shadow, with steps too hard, body too stiff, breathing too tense, eyes too sharp… And left with an ease and lightness uncharacteristic to someone like him… Dr. Armstrong unraveled all the damage during those 5 to 7 grueling days… Only for him return to base and begin the process of hardening himself once again.
He’s thirty-three, you’re thirty-two today.
He dragged himself out of the comfortable bed in the guest house nearby to the chalet, and threw on a hoodie and some slides before he ventured out to the main house across the stepping stone walkway and into the house through the sliding glass doors.
Dr. Armstrong was already at the breakfast nook in the kitchen when he came in. She’s not quite gone gray, but she’s getting there. Her face is steadily getting more wrinkled compared to 10 years ago when this started. She’s wearing a light blue robe and a set of warm pajamas. Her hair cut into a pixie à la Judi Dench. “Good morning, Simon.”
Simon, meanwhile, is all disheveled, hair sticking up from having just woken up, face peppered with a 5 o’clock shadow, eyes still crusty and face unwashed. “Mornin’.” He grumbled as he poured himself a cup of tea and popped two slices of bread into the toaster.
“How did you sleep?” She asked him as she regarded him over her green-frame reading glasses, which adorned the tip of her nose. She took a sip of a black mug with a cat’s whiskers drawn in it in white.
“Same as usual…” He replied as he stirred some milk into his tea. He grabbed the plain toasted bread and plopped it into a plate and began to turn to join her at the table when she set down her tea mug and leaned her elbows on the table, giving him a pointed look with a cocked brow.
Holding back a groan akin to a moody teenage boy’s, he set down the plate and cuppa, and grabbed some butter and a knife, spreading it over the toasted bread. He was thankful that Dr. Armstrong forced him to take care of himself, he was… But it doesn’t mean he was happy about it. “How did you sleep?” He returned.
“Slept well, thank you.” She replied and kept a stern watch over him as he reached the fridge and grabbed a yogurt and a small box of raspberries. He poured the yogurt into a bowl, topped it with the fruit and a drizzle of honey from the bowl in the corner of the counter, and then took his slightly more nutritious meal to the table. 
She watched him closely as he began to eat his buttered toast, letting him have a moment of stewing in the ‘forced’ meal. She took off her glasses, folding them shut, and set them aside, along with her tablet, and stared at him.
In a way, Simon was more of a son than a patient to her, after so many years helping undo the damage the military and his childhood wracked on his head. He looked forward to the routine, needed it, so much that if he didn’t have these moments with her as often as he had grown accustomed to, he’d start acting a bit erratic. A bit more prone to violence, a bit harder to contain, a bit harder for John to keep a handle on. “What’s on your mind this morning?” She asked him with a cocked brow.
He finished his toasted and wiped his mouth. Then he started toying with the spoon resting on the edge of his yogurt bowl. “That it’s a bad week to be here.” He told her.
“And why is it a bad week, Simon?” She asked him as she leaned her head on her palm.
“There was this girl,” He began to say before he spooned some yogurt into his mouth. He had long stopped wearing a mask while staying over at Dr. Armstrong’s house. His scars were always on display for her to see. “who I grew up with. Her birthday is this week.”
The older woman nodded her head as she watched him closely. “I see. And… this ‘girl’... Was she a friend? A girlfriend?”
“I guess.” Simon said as he ate another spoon of yogurt, brown eyes lowered and focused on the red raspberries suspended atop the fatty yogurt. “We were like…” He trailed off. “She was… erm…” He stopped again and exhaled through his nose.
“I see.” The doctor said as she kept watching him. He kept eating quietly. “And… I assume you don’t talk to her anymore?” She asked.
“No.” Simon replied. “After I joined the Army, she moved away from Manchester and we lost contact.” He said softly.
“Do you still think about it?” She asked him. “About her?”
“Sometimes.” He admitted as he stirred his spoon in his bowl before sighing again and eating another spoonful. “A few times a year… Around her birthday, and mine. And Christmas… And the anniversary of the day we met…” He listed.
“And how does it feel…? Nice? Sad? Bittersweet?” She trailed off, knowing sometimes Simon needed help verbalizing his emotions.
“Sad.” He replied bluntly and ate a couple of spoonfuls of yogurt in a row before pushing the now empty bowl aside with the spoon resting inside of it. 
“And cruel.” The woman watched as he rolled his shoulders, a bit tense, and raised his irises to look at her, eyes softened. “It’s been 15 years since she left Manc, left me and I-” He trailed off. 
Looking away, he kept talking, and talking. “I still think about her. I think I’m okay, I think I’m doing good, doing better, and then those dates come and I’m reminded that she exists, that she’s out there, that she… that she went off and found herself a place and I’m here, and have nothing to show for it, just some stupid fucking medals pinned to the breast of my suit and blood on my hands that doesn’t wash off in the fucking sink.” He hissed bitterly, his eyes unfocused as he poured it all out.
“She was like me. We did everything together, were basically attached at the hip. She was my partner in crime, like a home away from home. Sure, dad beat me and mum, and scared us all and I’m much better now and I’ve grown up, but nothing feels okay. Nothing feels normal or good. It’s all just… just bullshit!” He hissed, his breathing beginning to grow faster. “I go through the motions but I don’t feel okay, I don’t feel safe.” He turned his head away from Doctor Armstrong.
“The last time I felt safe I was in her arms, looking into her eyes and telling her that I loved her for the first time and making all these promises for a future that didn’t happen. A future I stole from the two of us.” He grumbled. “And the worst part is that I used to blame her for leaving, for seeking out a better life, a better place! Maybe I still blame her… But it’s not her fault. It’s really not.” Simon’s eyes began to water in a way they never have before. 
“It’s all my fault. There’s no one to blame but me. The last conversation we had was a stupid fucking argument where I looked her in the eyes, the girl I loved, and told her to stop relying on me… She was looking to me for help, to get her out, to get us both somewhere safe…” He stopped and pressed his lips together to contain a sob. His eyes squeezed shut as tears rolled down his cheeks. 
“I was going to marry her.” He confessed and groaned. “I came back from Aghanistan and bought a ring, because while I was out there, with bullets whizzing past me and watching my brothers in arms fall like flies, all I wanted was to do was go back to her… And I was completely expecting her to be there… To be waiting for me…” He trailed off. “After I broke her heart and told her to leave… I… I somehow expected her to have been weak… to have stayed. And she was strong enough to leave.” He nodded as he pondered on it.
“And the worst part is that I want to know what happened to her. I want…” He trailed off. “I know it’s been so long and she probably doesn’t think about me and even if she did, she wouldn’t want to ever step foot anywhere near her and it’s not like I want to see her, or to meet with her or to… I don’t know, pick up where we left off?” He ranted more and more. “I just… I want to know she’s okay, I want to know she’s alive. I pray every year that she didn’t turn to hard drugs and die of an overdose on a street corner somewhere… I…” He trailed off. “I need her to be alive and healthy and safe and… happy.”
Doctor Armstrong’s eyes softened as a lightbulb went off in her head. She had finally found the genesis to most of Simon’s issues. The grief of the past, the depression, the antisocial tendencies, his propenture for isolation, his fear of vulnerability, his trust issues, his inability to truly connect with others, the avoidant attachment style to any relationships he does attempt to have…
It was because he was attached to her, whoever this girl he spoke of was. He grieved her, he missed her, he couldn’t pursue a meaningful relationship when he had lost such a deep one… A relationship, an attachment, formed through trauma, unhealthy, sure, but one that resulted in a bond. Any attempts of his to ‘move on’ felt wrong and soured quickly. And until now she couldn’t figure out why that was… thinking he just kept unhealthily self-sabotaging… until now.
That morning was a first in many ways. Simon was speaking unprompted, Simon was voicing his emotions, Simon was confronting his past, Simon was admitting to his mistakes, Simon was expressing his wants. He was not just opening up, but he was actively prioritizing his wants, his feelings… It was huge for someone whose sense of self was as skewed as Simon’s.
It only took ten years… But they were making progress.
-
‘You just have to write her a letter, Simon. Let her know you don’t mean to impose on her life, but that you simple hope she’s doing well, thank her for having been part of your life. Keep it simple, concise. You can do that.’
Dr. Armstrong severely underestimated Simon’s ability to follow her request. Granted, most of the time he follows them no problem… But when it comes to you? Yikes.
‘Simple, concise’ became 38 and a half pages. None of it proofread. He felt like he passed out and when he woke up he had 38 pages of straight up gibberish, half-baked thoughts and equally half-baked pages. He doesn’t even remember what the fuck he wrote (probably because he was drunk and high, his first time smoking in 15 years).
Trying to read it gave him a headache, so he just transfered it into a Word document, the only file in an all-black slide-out USB drive, and stuffed the USB and a note saying ‘From Simon Riley’ into an envelope. He didn’t even dare send it himself. He simply dropped it off in the mail-out box at base and and called it a day.
That was 3 months ago. 
As he lays in bed after dinner, he silently hopes to God that you’re ignoring him and tossed out the USB drive without even reading the mess of text in it… Or even that the address Laswell’s analysts found for you in Scotland was wrong. 
But he also can’t bear to imagine  someone else opening the envelope, checking the USB drive and finding that letter and-
A buzzing awakes him from his thoughts and he looks across the room to his phone which is charging on his desk in the corner. He moves across the room swiftly, finding a number he doesn’t recognize has sent him a text. 
It has to be you. He’s careful with his number, he doesn’t give it out willy-nilly. Only Price, Laswell and Nik have it. And you, since he included it in the document.
Taking a deep breath, he clicks the text on the screen, his brown eyes screwing shut as if it was about to explode. Or maybe it was just his heart racing that made him feel that.
He was afraid.
Simon Riley was afraid.
The Ghost wouldn’t protect him now.
Not from you.
Or, rather, not for the way Simon might react when it comes to you.
Deep breaths, Simon told himself. 
Deep breaths.
In…
… and out.
Throwing open his eyes, he looked at the screen, finding one tiny little paragraph in the bright green chat bubble:
hi riley… read your letter a bunch of times… truth be told i didnt know how to answer it, been trying to find what to say for weeks on weeks now and coming up short. if ur free anytime soon can we just have a call over the phone? might be easier. if not then im glad to hear ur fine and that u found success x
Simon reads and rereads your text over and over and over…
And then something in him snaps. He clicks the phone button next to your unsaved contact and then stares at the screen, eyes wide and frantic, not even considering that you might not be ready, that you might be busy, that you asked for ‘one of these days’ and not ‘right now’...
The call connects.
Simon holds his breath.
And so do you, he can hear your little gasp.
The counter at the top of the screen ticks by.
00:01
00:02
00:03
00:04
00:05
00:06
00:07
00:08
00:09
00:10
00:11
00:12
00:13
00:14
00:15
Simon’s eyes begin to well up with tears, he can hear your breath on the other side, but he’s too much of a coward to say anything.
00:16
00:17
00:18
00:19
00:20
00:21
00:22
00:23
Thank God that you’re not.
You’ve always been stronger than him.
“Riley?” You whisper his name.
Taking a deep breath, he opens his mouth to speak… But all that escapes him is a stupid little “Hm?”
You pause again, your breath catching in your throat again… before you say it:
“I forgive you.”
His world nearly collapses at that moment and a sob escapes him, a sound so pathetic and weak that he wants to beat himself over it before Dr. Armstrong’s words ring in his head:
‘You can’t keep suppressing your emotions, it’s okay to cry.’
And so he does. He sobs, audibly so, big fat tears running down his face as he lets his back hit the wall and slide down it until he’s sat on the floor.
“Riley…” You whimper, and it sounds like you’re on the verge of crying as well.
He doesn’t want to make you cry. He really doesn’t… 
But he can’t stop…
For the first time in forever, he feels exactly the one thing Dr. Armstrong has told him he deserves to feel:
At peace.
-------------------------------------------------------
[FIC MASTERLIST] || [MY MASTERLIST]
TAGGING ANYONE WHO READ/COMMENTED THE FIC (there's only like... 10 of you total, I'm so sorry)
taglist: @iite-cool , @spicyspicyliving , @lyralein , @heavenlyrivers , @depressed-but-make-it-cute , @myhomeworksnotdone , @captainquake42 , @waiting-so-long , @erensonly , @pieckyghost
Thank you so much for reading this fic, to the people who've read it here and on AO3! Your support mean the world to me!
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lovebeing-a-girl · 1 month
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Wish I was kissing him while sitting on his lap right now but nvm…
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haerinari · 6 months
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Photobook of Love 🖤
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🖤•pairing: beomgyu x fem!reader
🖤•genre: fluff, establish relationship
🖤•warnings: none
**********************————*********************
It was late night and you were walking with your boyfriend Beomgyu down the beautiful and peacefully streets of Daegu. He had a day off and Beomgyu immediately decided to spend it with you.
Dating Beomgyu wasn’t easy sometimes, his busy schedule only allowed you to see him and lest two times per week. Even tho sometimes you visiting him on the HYBE building, he always preferred to spend timor alone with you.
You and Beomgyu met on a cafe that he liked to visit constantly. On the moment he saw you, he was convinced that by the time he leave the cafe he would definitely have your number. And of course that you gave it to him. After a long conversation with his boss, Bang PD, he finally agree with your relationship, and since then you couldn’t be more happy.
Beomgyu took you to your favorite restaurant, it was a little small place where they had the best tteokbokki, and you really liked tteokbokki. Spending time with Gyu was the best part of your week, even if you can only see he for a few minutes he never failed to make your day 10 times better. After both of you finished eating, you decided to walked down the streets and search for another thing to do.
It was a very beautiful night, the dark sky was illuminated by the stars and you and Beomgyu were together. What can be better than that?
After walking for a little more, you find a specie of photo station that was placed at the side of the street. It was decorated with red and pink hearts and of course that it was empty.
“Let’s go inside” you said smiling to Beomgyu.
“I had the same idea” he answered.
Both of you got inside and it was beautiful decorated with lights and some stars. In front was a machine that contained the camera and where the pictures were printed. You sat next to Beomgyu in the small bench that was on the back and turned on the machine.
“I’m going to take the pictures, okay?” Gyu said with his cute smile.
“Okay”
“Okay so, 1..2..3!” the flash sparkled quickly, the first photo was ready. “Now again. 1, 2, 3”
Both of you did that 2 more times with different poses. The first photo was Gyu and you smiling, on the second was you were giving him a kiss on the cheek, in the third one he was the one that was giving you the kiss, and on the last one you formed a heart with both of your arms.
“Awww they are so cute!” you said admirably the pictures.
“You look so cute” he said giving you a kiss on your head. “Now i want you to take yourself a solo photo, i want to have them on my wallet.”
“Deal but you have to do the same. In that way i can see you every day” you accepted.
“Yup”
Beomgyu got out and you started to take yourself the pictures. The first one was you blowing a kiss, the second one was smiling, the third one doing a heart near your cheek, and on the last one you did a peace sing.
“Ready” you told him. “Come in, here are the pictures”.
“My beautiful girlfriend” he said admiring the pictures. “You are so pretty, i can’t”
“Stop your making me blush” you said giggling.
“But is the truth!” he smiled. “Now it’s my turn”
“Okay, okay” you said going out.
You waited a couple or seconds when finally Beomgyu called you out.
“Look at them, i am so handsome” you laughed at his comment. “What?”
“Nothing” you smiled. “Actually, you really look handsome on this photos Gyu”
“I know, i know. Take care of them, not every one has the honor to have me as their boyfriend.” he joked.
“I’m going to put them on my phone case” your phone case was clear, in that way you could see Gyu every time you wanted.
“I’m going to put them on my wallet” he said searching for it. “Actually, can you take another picture? I also want to have one for my phone, and oh one for my dorm, and one for my ipad in case i lose the one on my phone. I almost forgot and one for the practice room.”
“You really want to see me everywhere, huh” you teased.
“Uhmm, duh” he said obviously. “Your the most gorgeous, beautiful girl i’ve seen in my life. Of course i want to see you everywhere at any time”
“Okay fine, i’ll do it just because it’s you and because i love you with all my heart” you said.
“I love you more, silly” he said smiling.
Oh how you love this boy.
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shuiiluvshrtst · 6 months
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Bruh the same shirt
I'm Soo happy that heartstopper tries it's best to follow the comics
I've just started to read them
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