#teenage tumblr years were funky fun fun

[uqb]

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

i have been going thru all my tumblr blogs & trying to remember the logins for them akakakakakakaaaa it would be great if some of blogs were my sideblogs on this account but then idk man...

[daddy-long-legssss]

Super long post about my experience at the Arctic Monkeys concert in Toronto for night one.

Excuse any typos lol.

First things first, I had trouble with my ticket and nearly had a heart attack (thanks StubHub) but I got my ticket figured out and got to the venue in time while DC Fontaines were performing. It was mostly a younger crowd in their 20’s-30’s but there were some older folks and parents taking their teenage kids. The amount of leather blazers, Converse, Doc Martens and black mini skirts I saw was incredible. It’s interesting how the tumblr grunge aesthetic still carries on in their fan base even though the band has changed so much.

My seats were at the back of the 303 section of Budweiser stage, dead centre and no one was behind me. I’m 6’1 and I wore a little heeled boot (sorry it went with the outfit) but I was so happy I didn’t block anyone behind me.

They fucking opened with ‘Do I Wanna Know?’ around 9:10 pm. I was fully ready to hear ‘Sculptures of Anything Goes’ but I was shocked and happy to hear those opening riffs. It’s just so good. How can you not love it. Everyone went wild and rightly so.

Alex looked handsome as always in his blazer but he did a little Canadian tuxedo with the denim shirt and jeans and those silly glasses but I kinda loved it. 

They thundered into ‘Brainstorm’ which sounded incredible. Their sound and talent has truly stood the test of time and he didn’t slow anything down LOL.

THEN THEY FUCKING DID ‘I Ain’t Quite Where I Think I Am’ and I lost my fucking MIND. AND NO ONE ELSE DID. At least not around me. I hate to admit it but the crowd was kinda mid. I feel kinda bad for the band, they deserve so much better, especially the new songs. The crowd only know AM songs and the popular songs from the early albums. I’m a new fan myself but I’m unhealthy obsessed and I studied their discography and The Car specifically beforehand. IAQWITI is so damn groovy and funky, the ‘waahhs’ get me every time and ‘eyes roll back’. The guitar always sounds so delicious and fun. 

They did ‘Snap Out Of It’ which isn’t my favourite (sorry) but still a fun bop. But then they did ‘Cry Lightning’ and again, l lost my shit. It sounded so goddamn good. Again, his voice just carries the song so beautifully and it’s already a masterpiece so hearing it live was nothing short of spectacular. He also did the solo at a the regular speed and actually played a little longer. 

And Teddy Picker and View From The Afternoon were played and again, they always slap and are such good energy. NO ONE WAS MOVING. AGAIN, AT LEAST NOT AROUND ME. Even looking out into the crowd, it was just upright bodies barely moving like??? Alex serenaded us with ‘Cornerstone’ adding little ad-libs as usual, he says ‘fiddling with the smoke alarm’ now instead of ‘messing’. There was a beautiful piano interlude before ‘Why’d You Only Call Me When Your High?’ and it seems like everyone woke back up and sang along. Alex got on his knees during Arabella and sang straight into the camera which kept zooming into his face. He’s like a cat with a laser pointer. 

THEN CAME ‘ONE POINT PERSPECTIVE’. Those opening piano keys started and I I screamed and clapped in utter joy and no one around me seemed to know the song. Like what is going on in Toronto?! Why no TBHC love? I’m so happy it stayed on the setlist, he hits the little falsettos so beautifully and absolutely killed the guitar solo. 

‘Do Me Favour’ and ‘Pretty Visitors’ were next. Not a lot of people were waving their arms and casting a snake pit on the wall like hello?

And then. The chord to the ’Suck It and See’ started. And I actually couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I screamed the loudest I’ve ever SCRUMPT. AND NO ONE AROUND ME GOT EXCITED AND IM LIKE YALL HEARING THSI RIFGJT!?  ALEX WAS EVEN LIKE ‘COME ON’ LIKE WAKE UP PEOPLE. He started it acapella like other performances last year but it’s so FUCKING AMAZING. THAT SONG AND THAT ALBUM ARE SO SPECIAL TO ME. ITS SUMMERTIME. ITS HAPPINESS. ITS NOSTALGIA. AND THE FACT THAT THEY PERFORMED IT ON THE NIGHT OF A BLUE MOON AND SANG ‘Blue Moon girls from once upon a Shangri-la.’ Like I can’t comprehend it happened. I couldn’t stop smiling and singing the entire time. I’m so fucking happy and grateful and honoured to have heard that song live. I can’t ask for anything else in my lifetime because that was all I ever needed and more. I’m so happy that mahaonthegram got to it hear it live, I know it’s such an incredibly special song for her. She deserved to hear it and have an absolutely amazing night at the concert.

Then, they did 'Knee Socks', another one that isn't my favourite but still fun to hear.

And then, oh my god, ‘There’d Better Be a Mirrorball’. Hearing this song live y’all. He did a beautiful piano interlude before the song started but my god, just perfection. It felt like I was the only person in the room with them, so intimate and transformative. Alex sounds better than the recording which we all already knew. And of course, the mirror all dropped down and illuminated the arena at the end which was so magical. 

505 started and the mirrorball was still down. Everyone went crazy (like finally) and sang all the words.

RU MINE started playing and I was like ‘bro, they are SPEEDING through these songs, like we can’t be at the end already?’ Where is Body Paint?? Either way, I fucking jammed out and had the time of my life. The people next to me left during R U MINE and I’m like R U OKAY?! The band left the stage after R U MINE.

They came back from the encore with ‘Fluorescent Adolescent’ which everyone knew which made the energy even better. It’s so fun to sing and hear them perform it live. And then ‘IBTYLGOTDF’ which is always a FUCKING BOP. It was the song that started it all for me and got me down the rabbit hole and into my obsession. The energy it’s so fun. No one was close to me on my left so I was able to move around and dance more. How can people stand still at a concert? Especially like a rock concert? I don’t understand. I know screaming gets annoying after a while but like how will the band know if you are having a good time? 

And then they ended with Body Paint which is the perfect closing song. People actually knew the song so they got excited when it started. The falsettos are so delicious and wonderful and he hits every single one. Because they closed with it, Alex played his solo for so long 😭 just grooving out and jamming out for like three minutes straight and loving every second of it. He blew kisses in-between chords and walked across the stage waving to the crowd, he got on his knees looking absolutely etheral. And then it was over. 

And I just sat in my seat in utter awe while people shuffled around me to leave the stadium. Staring at the mirrorball. It happened so fast, they really flew through  the set list and played for just over an hour and a half. I couldn’t stop singing and smiling the entire time. After hearing SIAS, my life was made for evermore. I couldn’t ask for anything else. Not even ‘Hello You’. It was just perfect in every way. And I’m so grateful and happy that I went and that I fell in love with them only a few months ago. It was truly best concert I’ve ever been to and the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to have turned 26. Everything was perfect.

Thank you Alex, Matt, Jamie and Nick for one of the best nights of my life.

(I wasn't close to the stage but I took a couple videos that I might upload later but people in GA got all the high quality content).

[avo-kat]

....i just wanted to see if tumblr had any posts about the german popband brosis

anyway, thats them:

the band was formed through a tv casting show. they had like two songs that were ok. they flopped totally, after the major success of the band no angel, the band from the previous season of the casting show

thats no angels. they were super successful (in my humble opinion). they had great pop songs. brosis tried an r&b thing but that was not believable.

see the woman with the red curly hair? shes bi. out and bi. major idol for me, as a bi teenager.

no angels are amazing. their songs still hold up very well, in my opinion. (it is early 00s pop, but still.)

their first single. its pretty great. great styles, everybody gets their funky spotlight, the crouched dance is funny. song is nice. they look super pretty. but not tacky at all.

one of my fav songs. they had their share of bad press, esp because of lucy's bisexuality. (and i guess other things that came out during the casting show, but i honestly dont remember any of it. it was like in 2000.)

their vocals and voices are great. the video is great. the message is great. the dancing is great, the song is great.

anyway, third season debuted two bands. a boy band and a girl band. i literally didnt remember the boy band.

fourth season had nu pagadi.

thats nu pagadi. they tried to go into a rock direction. they had like one song.

(look at them. look at them. germany is sosososo funny.)

(i do like them. the name is fucking stupid. apparently they wanted this band to be a mix of rammstein and dschinghis khan. its so stupid. the name is the title of a beloved russian cartoon. they arent russian. its so so so stupid.)

fifth season had monrose.

monrose had a single called hot summer, released in 2007.

its a fun song, huh?

thats what i thought, at least.

GUESS WHAT

2011 comes around and i mind my business, having discovered kpop the year before, and i stumble upon this

its the same song. reading the comments is very amusing.

the end. this post does not have a point aside from giving me a reason to listen to some old songs.

alternatively: imagine if gpop was popular instead of kpop. it would be so funny.

there were many more seasons of the casting show but literally nobody cared. so.

there was also a casting show for solo artists, imported from the us i think. i hated it. thats all ill say about it.

[ungrateful-cyborg-moved]

What drew you to the character you play? What types of characters are you generally drawn to?

((I'm on mobile so apologies for being unable to do the funky symbol.))

Usually when I create a character, I want to make one that's different from the ones I already have and that's different from the muses I'm used to see in the community. In this instance, in my friends' own rosters or on Tumblr. If I have an idea and it's too close to another muse, I'll discard it.

I’m not sure if I have a type though, outside of them being stubborn and often protective. I know I don’t like playing sadistic characters or members of the high society (unless they left, like Hanae) but in the second case, it’s more me not being good with social rules to begin with and not enough of a masochist to add even more rules to my muses’ interactions :’D

Now for what draws me specifically to those I already have...

For Skaar, it'd be his sense of community and pride to be Ala Mhigan while having spent half his life outside Gyr Abania. He's not homesick, he's aware of the flaws of his country but he sees himself as Mhigan first and Lominsan second. Both are home though and he'll forever be somewhere in between as far as his identity goes. It has a huge impact on his uh... monkhood, let's say, because having had the full training, to him being a monk isn't just "being a pugilist but fancy". The whole spiritual aspect is present too but cut from its place of birth. Or was until the liberation of Ala Mhigo.

Inge is at a place in her life where she's coming to term with what it means to be yourself. Not as a teenager but as a young adult living far from the only place she considers home because she decided to follow her heart and explore the world even if it meant losing everything she had. So there's that and there's the fact that she's had a team for a while and they were good but the Calamity happened and as far as she knows, they're all dead. She never really got over that, even though she longs for a life more meaningful than the one she leads at the moment.

Wolfe is special. He resonated more with me when I created him years ago. His (over)confidence and refusal to compromise on his principles were a breath of fresh air at a time when I felt I couldn't express myself. Nowadays I feel a lot better in that regard but I still love those aspects of him. I'm just not sure of where I'm going with him so chances are that I'll end up reworking Wolfe a bit at some point, once I figure it out.

A'idan is just fun. A clever dumbass full of affection and curiosity, what's not to love about him? Plus he ended up with a lot of my special interests and dreams growing up so it's always fun to revisit them.

Astrid is one of my favorite tropes ever: the normal person in an extraordinary setting who has to prove to herself that she's up to the task because you don't need to be special to bring something to the table.

The Advocate is extremely powerful and that's precisely his problem. Power and strength aren't always a gift and sometimes the cost is almost too much to bear, but he keeps going, keeps trying and I love just how fiercely human he is. The balance between his anger, his kindness, his hope and his doubts is interesting to maintain and write about.

Hanae did too much to be where she is now to let it be for nothing. She managed to become more than the tardily-legitimated child of a Garlean noble, more than just another Garlean bastard in the literal sense of the word and all her efforts to get there, to have recognition, won't be for nothing just because the tables turn. That's the logic behind her recent choices. There is no going back and she'd have too much to answer for so better keep going and try to change the outcome.

And Kazan is um...He's a mess. He's too loyal, too obedient and feels too deeply. Add that to loneliness and years of negligence and you get a man who doesn't really see himself as a man anymore, who wants better for himself because nobody likes misery but at the same time doesn't try too hard because at least it's familiar and nothing else around him is. It's cathartic to write, though the end goal is clearly for him to heal. As to where he'll be in life by that point, I don't know.

And I think everyone is accounted for?

[Thanks for the ask @ahumblewoodcarver and @flamesworn!]

[carriagelamp]

Book Review - Summer Summary 2020

I didn’t get around to doing an individual post for the books I read in June/July/August, so I decided to choose a dozen that I read over the summer... I’d separate the wheat from the chaff for you so to speak. Though like you’re about to find out, that doesn’t necessarily mean they were all good by any means...

Crave

My girlfriend got this for me to “tide me over until Midnight Sun”. Between you and me, I think she was taking the piss. Anyway, Crave is very... standard fare paranormal YA school romance with the added flare of being written by an adult erotica writer, meaning the rhythm and tone of this novel is fucking bonkers. If you want to read the novel without reading the novel, just take Twilight and the entire Vampire Academy series, shove them in a blend, and force down the sludge you get from that. Normal Average Girl Goes To Secret School In Alaska For Vampire, Werewolves and Dragons. That’s this book. It is so big and so so so bad. I finished it out of spite, please don’t do that to yourself. Unless you are really craving (hurr hurr) some top tier trashy paranormal romance, in which case... no judgment.

The Last Firehawk

The Last Firehawk is a Scholastic “Branches” series, written for beginning readers (grade 1-3ish, depending on the child’s reading level). It has short stories, big text, and awesome pictures on every page. Guys. I unironically am adoring this series. It’s simple and is introducing children to a number of classic elements in the fantasy quest genre, but it is so charming. Friends Tag and Skyla discover a firehawk egg, and species that is supposed to have disappeared long ago. When Blaze hatches from it, the three are tasked with going out and finding the magical ember stone which was hidden long ago by the firehawks and which could be used to defeat the evil vulture Thorn and his dark magic... I read the first two books to second graders who ate it up and read the next four books because I personally wanted to continue the series. If you have young readers in your life (or just want a fun kid adventure) then please try these they’re the literary equivalent of nibbling on a chocolate chip cookie.

Lupin III: World’s Most Wanted #3

All the kind people that still follow my tumblr and haven’t tried to murder me because of my Lupin obsession are not going to be surprised by this one. I finally read one of the manga for this series and honestly I’m delighted. Somehow even hornier than the show, but hilariously funny. I felt like I was reading a more adult version of Spy Vs Spy. It’s a bunch of short, individual bits/adventures with lots of visual gags and an artstyle that is really different and delightful.

River of Teeth / Taste of Marrow (American Hippo series)

I’ve talked about River of Teeth before, but I finally finished the American Hippo duology and need to sing its praise. This is an alternate history series composed of two novellas that explore the question What would have happened if the States had decided to import hippos as livestock...? Anyways, my pitch for you: queer hippo cowboys. That’s all it took for me to read it. You have a gay gunslinger who loves his hippo to death, a nonbinary explosives-expert / poisoner who is the main love interest, a fat con artist who spoils her hippo and is the only voice of reason in this entire series, and a latina mother-to-be who is the scariest assassin in the entire series and is obviously scheming. The four of them are brought together on a job to deal with the Mississippi’s feral hippo problem.

IT’S A QUEER HIPPO COWBOY HEIST NOVEL GUYS I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M STILL TALKING AND YOU HAVEN’T JUST GONE TO READ THIS YET.

Petals to the Metal (The Adventure Zone series)

The graphic novel adaptation to the McElroy family’s DND podcast The Adventure Zone. Most of you are probably aware of this? It’s a great adaptation, it hits all the important beats, shows off the characters really well, and still gets lots of good gags in even while condensing entire arcs into single book stories. This one is probably my favourite so far just because Petals to the Metal was one of my favourite arcs in the show... but you can also see how the art has improved and the chaos of the race is fun to see drawn out.

If you like The Adventure Zone but haven’t tried the graphic novels yet -- would recommend! If you’ve always wanted to listen to The Adventure Zone but don’t have time for such a long series or struggle to focus on podcasts then pick up the first book of this series (Here There Be Gerblins) and try reading it! It really is an enjoyable adaptation.

Pony to the Rescue (Pony Pals series)

I continued my April/May theme of reading old-school chapter book series to combat Covid Brain Fry, so I picked up a few Pony Pals books. I read these as a kid and always enjoy them -- there’s just something so appealing to a child about having a horse. It gives your child characters a level of independence and ability to explore that you wouldn’t get otherwise. These books definitely read young, but they were nostalgic to revisit.

Small Spaces

A really cool middle grade horror novel I picked up. Maybe it’s because I live around a lot of corn fields, but farm/scarecrow themed horror absolutely does it for me. One evening, after seeing a woman try to destroy a strange, old book, eleven year old Ollie doesn’t stop to think, instead stealing the book and running. That’s how she becomes wrapped up in the strange, sinister story of a cursed family and creature called the Smiling Man that seems to live out in the foggy fields. While unsettling, Ollie tries to remind herself that it’s just a story... but this becomes more challenging when her school bus breaks down one day out their own set of fields, and a fog is rolling in...

“Avoid large spaces. Stick to small.”

Snot Girl #1 - #2

A Canadian graphic novel series by the creator of the Scott Pilgrim series! I love his work so I decided to give Snotgirl a try, even though it’s not generally my genre. I’m glad I did! First book took a while for me to get into, but by the time I hit the second I was really wrapped up in the mystery and character development. Snotgirl is about Lottie, a self-consumed fashion blogger whose biggest struggles are dealing with her allergies, frustration with her fellow-blogger friends, and how entirely her self-esteem is tied to her “beauty” and how people view her. But everything shifts in strange and horrifying ways when Lottie starts taking a new allergy medication, meets a new friend... and then witnesses that girl’s death. Or does she?

Seriously, or does she? I have no idea, I need to read the third book. This book is full of intrigue, complicated relationships, murder (or not?), and a healthy dose of magical realism to keep you guessing. If you like slice-of-life, crime, and abstract reality then this series is world a try. Plus the art is gorgeous.

Summer Wars #1 - #2

I recently rewatched Summer Wars (still one of my favourite movies) and decided to read the two-book manga adaptation. It was a really neat little adaptation. The creator of the movie gave the writer free range to tweak things to fit better in a manga format, which means some movie elements were allowed to fade into the background, whereas other aspects were fulled into the forefront and fleshed out to a greater degree. It was very cool, it kept the same story but gave you new things to think about which I wasn’t expecting. Reading this as a stand alone works just fine, but honestly if you’ve never watched the movie Summer Wars you should give it a try! It’s a great mix of slice-of-life, sprawling family dynamics that I relate to a little too well, cyber adventures, and fantasy. Super feel good.

This One Summer

Okay, last graphic novel, I swear. This One Summer was... weird and intense. It’s a coming-of-age Canadian graphic novel that follows a pair of pre-teens who meet up like they do every year at their family’s summer cottages. You see them both in the awkward phases between childhood and growing up to become teenagers, as they’re confronted with things like maturity, friendship, self-esteem, family problems, and sexuality. A beautiful read, but probably the heaviest out of all the books on my list.

Wild Thornberrys Novelization

I rewatched The Wild Thornberrys movie with my girlfriend earlier this year, and decided I wanted to hunt down the chapter book novelization because I’m kind of a sucker for novelizations. Honestly, this was about what you would expect from the era. 90s/00s novelizations, especially young novelizations, are generally just a transcript of the movie without much thought or effort put into them to make them anything but. That’s what this was. It was fine, and it really let me revisualize the entire movie, but honestly you’re probably better off just rewatching the movie unless you also really deeply love The Wild Thornberrys.

The Willoughbys

I saw that Netflix had done a funky looking adaptation of The Willoughbys and I decided I needed to read the book first before watching the movie. This was a little bizarre, I’m still not sure how I feel about it. Over all, I think it was a net-positive experience. It’s an obvious satire on classic children’s novels, especially the likes of Mary Poppins (real Mary Poppins, not the Disney version) and while a little heavy-handed, it does a Series of Unfortunate Events vibe that redeems it. The story is about a group of horrible children (The Ruthless Willoughbys) who decide they are sick of their parents and would rather become Worth Orphans... and to do that, they’re going to have to dispose of their inconvenient parents, obviously. Conveniently their parents are also sick of having children and decide to do away with them as well. The Willoughbys sets up three (or four?) different subplots that are gradually woven together through a series of schemes and exploits. It’s definitely more ruthless (hurr hurr) than the Netflix version, which tried to make the children more sympathetic, and in some ways I think that’s a definite point in the novel’s favour. I’m not sure I would go out of my way to recommend it, but it was a fun romp if you want something short and off the wall (and a lot more fleshed out than the Netflix version).

[a-halfblood-named-coin]

How is it possible that One Direction, the biggest boyband in the world at one point, could be considered underrated?

Welcome back to part, who the fuck knows, of me ranting about 1d on tumblr! Today's subject...sexism!.....kind of, hear me out.

One Direction is (was?) a tone setting, record breaking, pop culture resetting, monumental, unforgotten band, but they aren’t treated as such. To this fucking day, 5 years into a “hiatus”, you scream one direction, people will scream back, you play a song from their first album and people will still sing along. One Direction has never been given the credit they deserved for pioneering a new age of boy bands and just bands in general in the United States. They WERE the reset everyone loves to joke about. But instead they are treated like a commodity, the music equivalent of a children's toy. It took them going solo for people to give a damn about their writing skills and music dreams, for anyone to ask them questions outside of “whos your celebrity crush?”. But why? Well my friends THATS WHERE THE SEXISM COMES IN! BUT! I hear you say, they're men (white cis men at that)...(sorry zayn) how could sexism have anything to do with the treatment of a MALE boyband? WELL riddle me this, who is the target audience for One Direction?..... DINGDINGDING girls! Started at young girls and by MITAM it was more like teenage girls BUT young girls none the less. There are many reasons for this decision, hetero is the ‘default’ (EWWWWW) to producers so if you have a boy band you go for a female audience for the...sex appeal. Or just attraction! Tons of people start liking an artist cause they find them attractive. Children are also easier to convince to purchase things like merch, cause they have little to no concept of money really works (unless you were poor lol). So here’s where everything comes together, a mainly female audience is seen as shameful in the music industry. It’s made out to be embarrassing and something you should ‘grow out of’. Young girls as fans (OF ANYTHING!) are taken less seriously, they are seen as fickle and obsessive, this is because women cant have fucking anything. SImply cause women enjoy it, the activity or media is taken less seriously by default. This goes for anything, literally, think about it! The difference in treatment of a female and male teams for the same fucking sport. Or the difference between hockey and figure skating for example. So when it comes to boy bands, who are most commonly enjoyed by women/girls, they are also lumped into a sexist view of them and their work, EVEN if they’re men. This is why 1d was never nominated for a grammy despite breaking records and selling out some of the biggest stadiums in the world. Why liking 1d is STILL a guilty pleasure for many, cause people will call you immature and a little girl if you admit you like them. Why their later albums, which deviated HEAVILY from the pure pop sound into rock, pop punk and even funk styles, was never treated seriously. MITAM is genuinely one of my favorite albums of all time, those songs are deep and emotional, fun and funky and its overall an amazing album. But nobody ever cared, it wasn’t until they seperated that they had the opportunity to be taken as serious artists. Even after the split, they are shunned for not automatically shitting on and hating the other members. The expectation is that they all hate each other, but they don’t. The one who has distanced himself the most (harold) is the most popular and I don’t think that's a coincidence.

In conclusion, One Direction had the world, but they never had the respect they deserved. They deserved to be treated as the boy band legends they will go down in history as but instead the sexist industry beat them down for appealing to girls and daring to not hate them for it.

[ereri-lost-and-found]

HiHi!!! LOVE YOU AND YOUR WORK!!!!! I was wondering tho is you have any funny but also adorable fanfics about them? Owo TYYYYSMMMM LOVE YOU

Hey there, Anon, 

For this request we asked our followers to send us a few fics they wanted to recommend for you. We actually got more replies than we expected! I hope that you enjoy them all :) 

All you need is Faith, Trust and a little Pixie Dust by Maerchenmord

(Rated General, words 15248, mutlichapter, complete) 

A fun little story about the most unsuccessful fairy in existence, trying to take on one Eren Jäger.

Levi might hate his job, but there really isn’t much he can do, when a few wishing wells and a shooting star are involved. Too bad, that Eren doesn’t seem to have much interest in his fated match, but Levi isn’t one to give up easily. He’s going to get the man laid, or he goes down swinging - after all, a whole arsenal of poisoned apples, magical mirrors and pixie wands must be good for something, right? Right?!

~~~

dental care by elliewritesthings

(Rated teen, words 14407, multichapter, complete)

As the back of the chair is lowered, Eren takes a few deep breaths. The more horizontal his position becomes, the more he begins to question his life choices – specifically the one to chew oodles of gum instead of actually brushing his teeth regularly, but also the one to not turn at his heels and walk away upon laying eyes on not-Dr. Smith, otherwise known as Dr. Ackerman. Though half of the man’s face is now covered by a surgical mask, he still manages to appear fleetingly irritated as he stares down at Eren.

“In addition to sitting down, you’ll also have to open your mouth, you know,” he points out as he adjusts the overhead light.

(prompt: I want a fic where one of them is a dentist and the other has some cavities to be filled. I don’t care with one is which, but I do prefer the dentist isn’t sadistic (though that doesn’t have to mean the appointment is pain-free). I want fluffy hurt/comfort kind of stuff.)

~~~

Leave Your Lover by SailorHeichou

(Rated Explicit, words 183581, multichapter, complete) 

Note: There is Jean/Eren - End game is Ereri 

Levi is a 30 year old divorced Chef who works at his best friend’s restaurant.An ex military Sergeant, Levi lives his life according to a strict routine. One day, his strict schedule is thrown off when a mysterious cat makes it’s way into his apartment from the open Balcony. When Levi hears it’s owner knocking on his door, he wasn’t aware that his life would be turned upside down and all because of this boy standing in his doorway with the biggest, brightest green eyes he’d ever seen and his name is Eren Jaeger.

The story in which Levi doesn’t know he’s gay and is in denial about it until a certain bright eyed boy moves in next door and steals his heart. The only problem is… he’s got a boyfriend.

~~~

Not a single word by LeviMilk

(Rated Explicit, words 1783, oneshot, complete) 

Eren and Mikasa sit down for dinner in a Russian restaurant. Eren falls in love with their waiter who doesn’t speak English.

~~~

Hooky by TheSilverField

(Rated Mature, words 1092, oneshot, complete) 

Eren’s being a bit over-dramatic.

~~~

Chasing Disaster by freshia

(Rated Teen, words 3753, oneshot, complete) 

Eren crashes into Levi’s life. Literally. And he takes out a fence and a mailbox along the way.

~~~

Asshole Alumni by Ereri_Queen

(Rated Teen, words 2497, oneshot, complete) 

(From ereri-queen’s tumblr prompt: “my sister always told me about this total dick in her class but i didn’t expect him to be this hot”)

All Eren’s heard about his whole teenage life is how much his sister hates one of her classmates. Every day she’d mention how much of an asshole he was or how he couldn’t possibly be more annoying, but when Eren finally meets the infamous Levi, he realizes that she had failed to mention just how attractive he was.

~~~

Marginal Attraction by Nelly-Belly (Alzurio)

(Rated Teen, words 2171, oneshot, complete) 

Ereri Week–Day 1: Pining

It’s always fun to see what kind of notes the person before you left in your used textbook… Eren finds him self a little more than amused.

~~~

My Home Is Where Your Heart Is by bfketh

(Rated Explicit, words 14683, multichapter, complete)  

Single father Levi is left scrambling to find an after school daycare for his daughter, Mikasa, when his regular babysitter announces that her husband’s job is being relocated. The only problem - they’re all far more expensive than he can afford.

The solution to his dilemma comes in the form of a college student, Eren, who will do it for a fraction of the cost - as long as Levi will save him from a steady diet of ramen and pop-tarts by feeding him dinner every night before he leaves.

~~~

Damn Exchange Program by Funky Hanji (Temari)

(Rated Teen, words 1323, oneshot, complete) 

- For the past three months Levi had been robbed of precious alone time while he was at home, because the exchange student that had arrived in their household, a certain Eren Yeager, was an irritating guy who constantly tried to befriend him. -

~~~

Starts With a Coke by Mayumi_chan

(Rated General, words 1585, oneshot, complete) 

In which Levi gets hit on by a cheeky brat with big eyes and messy hair.

~~~

The Reasons We Should [Not] Be Together by pseudonymical

(Rated Teen, words 6190, oneshot, complete) 

Levi knew he was madly in love with Eren Jaeger since the second he stepped into the cafe Levi worked at. As the weeks passed, however, it became apparent that his feelings were best kept a secret, especially since the list of reasons why they shouldn’t be together only grew with each and every visit from the brunet.

~~~

Personal Tutor by Dressed_In_Darkness

(Rated Explicit, words 59977, multichapter, ongoing) 

Levi never thought he had a shot with Eren Jaeger, the boy of his dreams, but that all changes when Eren asks him to become his personal tutor.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

evens. go pee.

awesome Thank you, i Did pee

2:How long have you known your best friend?

a year

4:Were you a part of any “clique” in high school?

fun fact i didn’t go to high school. in middle school i sat at the corner of the odds n ends losers lunch table and usually read, lol. in college i eventually was kind of in the peripherals of a theatre-dept-y group, like, the odds and ends of some odds and ends right there really

6:Do you wish to travel a lot?

it would be cool if i at least knew that i Could 

10:Do you like the way that you grew up?

it was lucky in some ways but overall it was some real bs

18:A random memory from you childhood:

idk in kindergarten there was a field trip to just some nearish-by farm i think to pick strawberries as a goal and after we got there it started to rain and the teachers were like “if it keeps up we’ll probably just have to go back” but then it stopped raining after like five minutes, so that was exciting for us as 5 yr olds. also i just always remember these two kids were “dating”?? which like, what’s that possibly mean when you’re five, but whatever, but this also afforded them some sort of Cool Kid status. and now i’m just like christ how can a 5 yr old possibly be cool. one of their names was jordan, i remember still

20:What was the last thing you watched on tv?

there was this show about like, refurbishing / repurposing old furniture basically, and it was on and i was sitting there. the last thing that was on that i like, picked, was i thiiiink still the pre-halloween movie marathon

22:Would you like to meet any of your Tumblr friends in person?

sure

22:What was the last dream you remember having?

just boring too-irl-based anxiety dreams. boo

24:How many pillows do you sleep with?

one

26:What color is your hair?

brown

28:What is your favorite soda?

grape

30:How’s the weather right now? 

i knew it was cold and clear like 45 min ago thanks to me peeing outside

32:Who do you miss right now?

well last night i got kinda fucked up abt the idea of ppl having this in-person solid group of friends / people who want to see you and be around you, but then also like, i don’t know if i’m cut out for that as something i’d Actually enjoy, and it’s even less certain that it’d ever happen so it’s like, that was half the depressing stuff, then the other half being “well sucks that that’s never quite happened before already, either.” missing a theoretical concept of people

34:Are you still figuring out who you are?

unfortunately...........there wasn’t much room for “be urself and have your interests and feel free to try stuff / have ur actual identity”

36:What is your favorite restaurant?

idk! lol

38:Would ever adopt kids?

if it was like, an apocalyptic scenario where there was literally nobody more equipped to make sure some kids didn’t die, sure. but also like, if this question is just asking like “adoption: ew or I Guess It’s Fine” then like, obviously i don’t want kids but adoption is great if the parents are actually equipped to handle their kids needs, which is just as true for non-adoptive parents obviously, and it’s not like, a Lesser family member or something, or not as good as ~having a baby yourself~ or only okay as a last resort or anything. if i wanted kids i would adopt kids

40:What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

it was just like aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

42:What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

probably just some kind of funky food combo i’ve ended up w/ cuz of just being hungry, which i can’t think of anything in particular rn lol

44:What’s a band you’ve been obsessed with lately?

haven’t had one

46:Do you have a bucket list?

no

48:When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt?

i don’t remember.......i’ll laugh p hard at funney video sometimes but not That hard

50:5 random facts about yourself:

1) i’m sweaty at random and if Only i still smelled good....maybe half the time it’s neutral but sometimes i just am like, im stinkey

2) i don’t think i have any allergies (that ppl aren’t allergic to pretty much always, like mosquitoes. mosquitoes love to bite me actually)

3) i like math

4) i used to read / watch / play a lot of mystery-solving media including eventually like, murder mystery related, but not so much in recenter times and it’s like, was that just kinda easing into enjoying the horror genre or what. idk maybe i also just like Mysteries but kinda cooled on that. also speaking of earlier stuff i remember being real bemused after finally finding out that everyone on scooby doo is technically a teenager??? they just Drive Around being given authority to investigate shit and do whatever the hell they want so i figured these were grown people. i also was confused abt the age of sesame street muppets b/c it was like, idk, i figured grover and big bird were also just grown......everyone out here doing Whatever

5) lol idk i like cats and birds like this is obvious lore already but i’ve honestly been sitting here for like 20+ min like “think of a fact” and just like aah no that one sucks.....no that’s just like a boring memory, Think Of A Fact......nah this other one is also shit.........lol like idek what’s a Fun Fact. i’m not too inchsting

[bohemian-rhapsody-in-blue]

Hi, this is for the autumn ask:

🍵💻🍁

I hope you have a good day 🙃

Thank you so much! And sorry for the lateness in answering—I got hit with an annoying cold, like, right after I reblogged the post and had to nap and rest all day. It’s still affecting me, but I feel a bit better now—I hope that today turns out to be better, and I thank you for your well wishes!

Now, without further ado:

🍵 Top 3 favorite tea flavors?

Right now, my absolute favorite tea is an instant ginger chai that my roommate has, because it’s working wonders for my sore throat. (No, I won’t shut up about this cold…)

Interestingly, I was never much of a tea drinker before this year (I’m sorry, Uncle Iroh), but thanks to my roommate and the many college events I’ve gone to that serve tea, I’m learning to develop more of a taste for it! I’d say my top three favorites right now are the aforementioned ginger chai, green tea, and I guess peppermint tea. I’ve tried earl grey, too, but I don’t like it as much. (I’m sorry, Captain Picard.)

💻 To feel nostalgic: what are some old games/websites you spent lots of time on when you were young?

I don’t know if anyone else but me remembers this, but: htwins.net! This was the website that hosted the famous Scale of the Universe 2 and belonged to the people who made Battle for Dream Island, but I didn’t stop there. Oh no. I played all the games and watched all the animations that these funky Huang twins made: Get to the Top Although There Is No Top (and its 100 variations!), Goime 500 (there were parts of that that stumped me for months; after I eventually figured it out and beat the game, that’s what introduced me to the concept of a speedrun); even The Super-Short Stick Figure Show! A lot of these have sadly been lost to time since the demise of Flash…RIP.

I remember being shooketh when I found out how young the programmers/animators, Cary and Michael, were—they were only 12 when they produced, animated, and released the first episode of Battle for Dream Island and 14 when they released The Scale of the Universe 2. Imagine having that much talent! I still follow some of Cary’s videos—he also composes quite well and, in high school, apparently wrote poems of questionable quality.

On the cringier side of things, I also spent an embarrassing amount of time on websites like RageStache (rage comics) and Taste of Awesome (demotivational posters). I was addicted to those—I’d spend hours scrolling through the comics and memes while procrastinating on doing my 5th- or 6th-grade homework, probably learning stuff I shouldn’t have been learning at the innocent young age of 10. I’d also often Google Image Search things like “funny comics about harry potter” (Harry Potter being my obsession at the time), “funny rage comics about ___,” and “funny tumblr conversations”—years before I’d actually join Tumblr.

🍁 A new website, fandom, video, song, fun fact or anything, name a recent discovery you would like to share with your followers.

Apologies for “blorbo from my shows”-ing this, but here are two amazing Cowboy Bebop-related discoveries I’ve made recently!

The first is this bonus track from the boxed set of the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack; here is the Wiki page for it with the lyrics translated into English. It’s called “Wandering Cowboy,” and it’s a version/arrangement of the theme song, Tank!, with lyrics sung by Aoi Tada, the Japanese voice of Edward. The lyrics and the way little Ed sings them (Aoi Tada was a teenager, not much older than Ed, when she recorded her lines for the original series) are just so adorable—innocent, childlike, and filled with love for her Bebop family. I can just imagine Ed sitting or lying at her computer in the Bebop’s living room, kicking her feet behind her as she softly and happily sings this under her breath. Go, go, Bebop! Fly, fly, Bebop!

And the second is this video of Canadian figure skater Kevin Reynolds, who in 2016 skated a routine at the Skate Canada Challenge to Tank! while dressed as Spike Spiegel. Just imagine being that cool. Imagine being a fan of Cowboy Bebop and also a figure skater. Imagine practicing for months and months and years and years to do a strenuous, beautiful skating routine, and it all culminates in you being Spike Spiegel, being him in front of everyone, whirling and spinning across the ice to the frenetic jazz of Tank!, of a show you’ve obviously known and loved for years—as graceful and fluid as Spike himself is in his movements, literally moving like water. I just have many emotions about this. (Also, Kevin Reynolds is cute! He has a sweet smile and thumbs-up :))

[Autumn Emoji Asks]

[diceysitchcast-blog]

Dicey Situations Episode 1: TRANSCRIPT

In this world building/character creation/game building episode, Jess takes us to the city of Pinnacle, a techno-magical dystopia mirrored by the VR world of The Dreaming. She also introduces us to a hybrid home-brew game with elements of of DnD 2.5 and 5e, Normality, and various other systems. There is no actual play in this episode, but we hope you’ll enjoy hearing us talk organize a game and create characters!

Drew exercises his right to bear arms, Ellie achieves robotic sapience, Avery decides to become an intolerant tank, and Ronnie invents a new pronoun.

[NOTE: It's our goal for Dicey Sitch to be as accessible as possible, which is why we want to provide transcripts for every episode we release. We are disappointed to say that transcripts will likely update at a slower pace than audio episodes, which is our own fault. However, we're still dedicated to make sure that transcriptions are released as close to audio episodes as possible. For now, please enjoy Episode 1 of Dicey Situations!]

Dicey Situations!

Season 1: Pinnacle

Episode 1: Have You Seen My Robot?

Jess: The city is made of spun green glass. It fades into the distance and then focuses in. The city’s name is Pinnacle. It’s been around for a few hundred years, and it blossomed from the end of the world.

In this city, there are, well, they’re not really factions, but three different groups of believers. Those that believe magic came back into the world to rise humanity above, those who believe magic is a penance from the Gods, and those that believe magic mostly doesn’t exist, and when it does, it’s more technology than anything.

[Music starts]

In this city, there is the Dreaming: a massive, cyberkinetic, shared VR reality that people use to escape from their own. And in the Dreaming, you do escape. There are sometimes mistakes, sometimes firewalls get breached and people’s properties and lives get destroyed, but no one dies in the Dreaming. Your body can be killed outside, but if you die in the Dreaming, you wake up in real life.

[Music continues, then fades.]

Jess: So! Welcome to Dicey Situations, the.... podcast! It’s... this is the people! Go! Drew!

[laughter]

Drew: I’m Drew. I use he/him/his pronouns. I am an on-again off-again Internet user. I shamelessly use Facebook way too much, and I get paid to do that sometimes.

Ev: My name’s Avery, I use they/them pronouns, I’m agender, and I am on the Internet on Twitter @crapiocaa with two a’s.

Ellie: My name is Ellie, I use she/her pronouns. I’m not giving out my personal tumblr, but my fun tumblr is badlifeadvice.tumblr.com! It’s awesome, it’s full of things you  shouldn’t do, like stalling the intro for a podcast!

[laughter]

Ronnie: I’m Ronnie, I use they/them pronouns! I draw queer comics on the Internet! You can find them at gqutiecomics.com. It’s spelled GQ............ U...TIE comics dot com!

Drew: [sarcastic] “I know what I’m doing!”

Ronnie: I totally know what I’m doing!

Jess: My favorite thing about that was the pause as you had to, like, remember [laughs]

Ev: As Ronnie remembered how to spell their webcomic!

[laughter]

Jess: And I’m Jess! I’m your... I don’t have a fancy name for this session, like, I can be a Dungeon Master or a Keeper, but this is house rules, so I haven’t got a name, so I’m Jess. I use she/her pronouns, and I use this as a coping mechanism, and my comic’s at closertohomecomic.com... if you want it!

Ronnie: It’s great!

Ellie: Why don’t you call yourself the Master Controller?

Drew: You should be a Dungeon Guru!

Ellie: Ooh!

Jess: Maybe I’ll just introduce myself as something different every time.

[laughter]

Drew: I like it!

Ellie: Do it!

Drew: Do it!

Jess: I think Dungeon Guru will work for this week, cause this gonna be all about me, like guiding you down this like, fucking, homunculus, this is... this is a homunculus game you guys.

Ev: I don’t know if that’s the right way to use that word by the way!

[laughter]

Jess: Uh... a chimera?

Ronnie: That makes more sense!

Ellie: Yeah, I was gonna say chimera, but, you know.

Jess: You guys are insurance agents! Clerics and wizards and fighters and rogues hired by an insurance agency to go out and investigate insurance claims. Be they someone suing a corporation, a house being burned down, you guys know what to do.

And... that’s pretty much it so far. That’s my pitch to you guys about your characters. So, it’s future cyberpunk with elves and magic and clerics and stuff and...

Drew: I always wanted to be an insuranceman, so...

Jess: That’s good.

Ev: That’s exactly what I said when I heard about this campaign! [laughs]

Ronnie: Hey Jess!

Jess: Yeah?

Ronnie: In the Dreaming, do people have... avatars?

Jess: Shit of course they...! [laughs] Actually, last night Ev and I, uh, created, oh shit, come on computer, don’t do this to me right now... I know you’re hot... You’re gonna be fine...

Drew: Sexy!

Jess: Yeah I’m sweet talking my computer into working. Ev and I have made a ton of...

Ev: Puns!

Jess: Puns! Pun objects, because we went through, like, the DnD objects list and... like, just kind of updated it to be futuristic. Clerics in this world, and druids, and technomancers, and paladins believe in different kinds of gods, and part of that is they have to maintain a Holy Site, which is like a fansite for their religion!

Drew: Oh!

Ronnie: I love it.

Jess: And then, as one of your perks is that you can get a Church Verified Avatar, which makes you less likely to be hacked!

Ronnie: Eyyyy!

Ev: Yeah, everyone should definitely have the game items list open by the way.

Ellie: Yeah, I just opened it.

Jess: Ev and Ellie kind of have ideas for their characters so if, you guys actually wanna, like, summarize your characters real quick, so Ronnie and Drew know some places that you can go with this...

Ev: Or have you guys looked into it, too?

Jess: Have you guys got any dreams?

Drew: Um, I don’t. Ronnie might. I’ve like, worked the past two evenings, so I’m ready to go now but I haven’t done any homework. I’m a bad student!

[laughter]

Jess: Keeping you after class, young man!

Ronnie: For me, I’m imagining, like, this sort of shitty teenager character, who is like, a teen radical who puts up tech graffiti places...

Jess: [laughs] I love it.

Ronnie: And wants to encourage the rising of the proletariat and stuff.

[laughter]

Drew: You know what would be fun? A like, a middle-aged, kind of balding, really angry person, that actually turns out to just be all those things.

[laughter]

Ev: What kind of class would that be? Would that be like a rogue or something?

[Inaudible because we’re talking over each other like dorks.]

Ronnie: I was thinking Bard, but I don’t think Bard is available, is it?

Jess: It is actually!

Ev: Oh no it is!

Jess: It is totally available!

Ev: That’s an awesome way to be a Bard, actually!

Jess: Yeah, we were trying to figure out how to do Bards, because one of the custom classes for this campaign is LARPer which is similar to Bard but different. LARPers can create different alternate identities and stuff.

Ev: This is my favorite part of the campaign right now.

Drew: Where are the funky different classes?

Jess: I shared the items list, and that has all of the different classes that we have, but mostly the classes are just DnD classes, but with like a little bit of a cyberpunky upgrade. So like, your wizard’s going to be a technomancer, your thief can be a hacker and your rouge can also be a hacker...

Ev: And then of course there’s, you know, LARPers are like, masters of disguise crossed with rogues or thieves basically, right?

Jess: Yeah, they’re masters of disguise, they’re also the ones who can kind of impersonate people, they can doxx people, and like, take on their personality and act like them, and they’re less likely to get caught doing it.

So, so far we have two religious dudes, [laughs] and I feel like, honestly Drew, if you wanted to play a cranky old dude, you can definitely play a cranky old wizard dude...

Drew: Yes.

Jess: ... who’s like, just been showing up for his paycheck at this insurance agency.

[laughter]

Ev: One day away from retirement!

Drew: Oh, that’s when the shit goes down, though!

[laughter]

Ev: Yes!

Drew: “It’s my last day before I retire, guys!”

[laughter]

Drew: “Nothing’s gonna happen to me!”

Jess: Man I sure hope nothing happens to that guy!

Ev: “I sure hope I don’t end up in a Sin City comic!”

Drew: “Ha ha!”

[more laughter]

Jess: So, Ronnie, can I make some suggestions for your Anarchist, like, shitty teen?

Ronnie: Yes.

Jess: Ok, I like the idea of them being a thief or a rogue or a hacker or a LARPer or a combination of that. And I also like either they’re interning at this insurance agency to make money for like, paying rent or something...

Ev: Interns don’t make money!

Jess: Well, my other thought is maybe it’s a community giveback program that the agency is doing to show great they are, like, “look at this teenager we’re rehabilitating really badly”...

Ronnie: [laughs]

Jess: But also it could be like, some sort of future community service, like I’m kind of imagining a Shitty Corporate Future, where like, if you get arrested you have to work it off at a corporate 9 to 5 job.

Drew: I mean, that’s not really that far from what it is now, so that’s sounds like a pretty good movement.

Jess: Are any of these appealing to you, or do you have your own ideas?

Ronnie: I enjoy the intern. [NOTE: Ronnie said this but then went with a sort of combination of both, which may be confusing, woops!]

[laughter]

Jess: Yeah, the miserable intern! [laughs] Alright, I like this. Okay! So let’s start some characters, then. You got your character sheets. Your traits are gonna be just how you would roll your DnD traits, so your Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma. You roll four d6 for each, and then you take away the smallest one, and then you can plug them in wherever they’re needed, okay?

Ellie: Jess I already did mine, like I did them before... but I can roll again if you want.

Jess: You don’t have to because it’s probably good that other people can talk while people are figuring out the math bits, right?

Ellie: I suppose, yeah. I mean, I haven’t put them anywhere, I just have them.

Jess: Oh, well, you can plug them in if you want, ‘cause, Ellie your character is basically a robot druid, which is the coolest thing!

Ellie: Yeah!

Ronnie: Oh my god, that sounds awesome!

Ellie: Oh man! I wanna, I wanna tell you my robot’s name.

Ev: Yeah, tell us all about your robot.

Ellie: Alright, my robot’s name is H u M 4 N, and it’s pronounced–

Ev: Oh Christ!

Ellie: –it’s pronounced Human!

[laughter]

Ev: Your character, your character and mine are going to get in so many fights!

Ellie: My, mine doesn’t fight! It’s a lovely robot!

Ev: Just wait.

Jess: What’s your lovely robot’s pronouns?

Ellie: I’m trying to figure that out, y’know?

Jess: Okay, yeah.

Ellie: Um, maybe put N/A because I’m not sure.

Jess: Yeah, I’ll put pronouns N/A. And HuM4N, the robot! [laughs]

Ellie: I might give a 15 Charisma for my druid robot!

Jess: So he’s like a religious, they’re like a religious leader a little bit?

Ellie: No, I mean...

Ev: Or just like, really charming!

Ellie: Yeah, like a charming robot!

Jess: All robots are charming robots.

Ellie: Yeah, but this one’s especially charming because HuM4N’s surrounded by... other... little robots?

Jess: Okay. Ev, give me, hit me, let me know. [laughs]

Ev: Okay. [laughs] Uh, my character is named Adrianna Arkadie Usko, and she goes by Adie for short, or Ah-die, I’m not sure. But anyway, she, I, fuck, I gotta stop calling her “she”, they’re a they!

Jess: Okay!

Ev: They’re a human cleric, and they belong to a church that believes that machines should be tools of flesh-and-blood people, instead of sentient beings.

Jess: I...

Ev: And they’re gonna be in a party with a robot named HuM4N!

[laughter]

Drew: I’m sure a great friendship will totally grow, and not hatred!

Ev: Oh yeah totally! They’re also, like, you know, their church is considered somewhat moderate in that they’re not anti-technology in general, but they definitely have the basis of their church’s beliefs is that, uh, machines are fallible, and that if you want something with a real, actual sense of responsibility and life, that it should be a flesh-and-blood being. That robots can’t understand the true meaning of life, basically.

Drew: I want the two of your characters to become Platonic Life Partners by the end of this campaign.

Jess: I ship it!

[laughter]

Ev: That’s a, that’s a possibility!

Jess: It’s the future!

Ev: I also do, you know, in true Avery fashion have, uh, a two page backstory and personality document for this character and... yeah.

Ronnie: Also, also Jess...

Jess: Yeah?

Ronnie: Can my character be a ratfolk? Can they?

Jess: Yeah they can definitely be a... I feel like gene modding is kind of a thing that kind of was, like, used early on.... Okay, wait, do you have ideas about the rat creatures? I should not just stumble over your ideas before you get to put them out there. What do you, where do the ratfolk come from, Ronnie?

Ronnie: Um, they either came from underground, or they came from the desert, whichever.

Ev: And they’re part of like, the magic coming back into the world, basically, like they’re magical creatures?

Drew: I want them to be like, nuclear devastation, and they’re like pet rats that have evolved through toxic sludge.

[laughter]

Jess: See, can I put forward a third proposal? Of they are, like the results of “Hmm, well we figured out how to cure cancer in rats. We haven’t cured it in humans yet. What if we can we make kind of humany-rat things, and then try and cure cancer that way?”

Ronnie: [laughs] Excellent!

Jess: Like, you got some choices out there!

Ev: It could be, it could be both, you know! They could be like, lab rats that became human when the magic came back and they just were like “What the fuck?!”

[laughter]

Ev: “When did this happen? Okay, I guess we’re people now! Sure!”

Drew: I like it!

Jess: They’re also underground, and like I imagine... Although we’ve kind of built up this robot-human conflict, and elves and dwarves... I feel like they’re not super happy, like that’s probably why your guy’s so proletariat risey-upey.

Ronnie: Uh-huh. They dream of a utopia in which the sun’s warm, and there are fields of grain, and everything is happy farmland, I dunno!

Drew: And there are no cats!

[laughter]

Jess: Alright, do you have any names or anything? Or...

Ronnie: Ooh, how about Sybil?

Jess: Ooh, I like it!

Ellie: Aw!

Drew: I’m only gonna think of the author now that you say that.

Ev: How do you spell... What way is Sibyl spelled?

Ronnie: S-I-B-Y-L. No! It should be a Z! It should be Z... Zibyl!

[laughter]

Jess: Yes! I love the future. And Drew, do you have any ideas about your guy? Is it just like a human guy, or is it like a...

Drew: I’m like “Oh, I wanna be something fantastic” and then I’m like “No, I kinda just want to be an old, crotchety human with, like, age spots on his face and I want his name to be, like, Earl.”

[laughter]

Ev: Good.

Ellie: Earl the Human.

Jess: Oh my god.

Ev: What class is Earl? [laughs]

Drew: I haven’t thought that far ahead, but Jess did say Wizard, and I thought that was kinda good.

Jess: Um, wizards are the ones who get guns in this universe, by the way. Cause, we figured that magic missile is basically, like–

Ev: It’s a gun.

Jess: –a projectile. It’s a gun! It’s like a laser rifle but in a fantasy setting. So, Wizards get guns.

Drew: [drawling old man voice] “It’s my right to bear arms, that’s why I got bear arms attached to my body when I was seventeen!”

Jess: ...Wait, please tell me this is true.

[laughter]

Drew: Maybe! We’ll find out.

Jess: Old wizard with bear arms. I like that.

Drew: And he’s got a tattoo of a human head on his shoulder.

Jess: [laughs] On his bear arm he has a tattoo of a human head drawing?

Drew: Yeah.

Jess: I love... okay. Yeah.

Ev: These are the best one-line character descriptions that I’ve ever written in my entire life.

Ellie: Woo!

Ronnie: Also, also, my character’s, like, underground username was going to be The Oracle, but somebody had already taken that, so it’s like, TheOraclexx27.

[laughter]

Ev: So good.

Jess: Is it also, does it also have x’s in front of it, so it’s like xx_The_Oracle_xx27?

Ronnie: Yes!

Jess: Oh my god, this is such a good party. I’m just imagining this old shrively guy with massive bear arms that like come out of his shoulders and drag along the ground, but...

Ev: What kind of bear arms? Are they like Sun Bear arms, or Grizzly Bear or Panda Bear...

Drew: Brown. Brown Bear. He couldn’t afford to get the Polar Bear ones that he wanted when he was younger, so they’re just Brown Bear’s.

Jess: Does he dye them white, though?

Drew: Yeah, he cleans them.

Ev: I gotta bleach my bear arms today!

Drew: They’re kind of blondish, but don’t... don’t talk about it.

[laughter]

Jess: I’m just imagining frosted tip bear arms.

Ronnie: Oh my god!

Ev: He’s a 90’s kid!

Drew: What’s the retirement age?

Jess: Um...

Ev: Old.

Jess: Yeah I think it’s dystopian, like, future-hell, so... Basically, like, the concept is Paprika meets Brazil, meets Ghost in the Shell, with a little bit of Wizards, the 80’s cartoon about nuclear magic.

Drew: I just wanna know how old my guy is. I’m okay with him being super old. I’m fine with that. I just wanna know.

Jess: It’s all about how old you want him to be.

Drew: I feel like... I dunno, 63?

Jess: 63 is a good age. He’s... he’s a pretty old guy.

Ev: 63’s not like, unreasonably old. It’s not like he’s, you know, 95 or whatever.

Drew: Nah, nah, he’s not 95! But he’d be pretty... he’d be a different class of wizard if he was 95 though, let’s be real.

Jess: Yeah, he’d have maybe gone up the ladder a little bit. ...Oh shit, Drew, you get a hat!

Drew: It gets to hide his head so he doesn’t get a sunburn on his balding scalp!

Jess: Well, we decided that, like, it’s like the class ring of wizards. So, wizards who go to school get a class hat, and you get to choose a spell that goes with that hat.

Drew: He didn’t go to school, he’s old school!

Jess: He went to the school of hard knocks?

Drew: He was in the Trades. He learned from the people… I dunno. He failed High School, I dunno.

[laughter]

Jess: Maybe his apprenticeship ended with him getting a hat from his gruff boss man? It’s his hat?

Drew: Sure.

Ev: Okay, so I have to go and eat dinner. I will be back in fifteen, twenty minutes.

Jess: Ev, you have your Spirit and Objectives done, so I can probably just do that for everyone else while you’re gone, is that cool?

Ev: Yeah, I’m gonna leave my recording running, and then I’ll just let you guys know when I get back, but I’ll try and be quick.

Jess: Cool! Have fun!

Ev: Alright. Laaater!

Jess: Lates!

Ronnie: Bye!

Drew: What do the hats look like?

Jess: Whatever you want. It can be whatever hat you want. It’s just a magic hat. It can be a magic fedora, it can be a magic, like, helmet, one of those mining helmets, it can be a magic…

Drew: What about… it’s a fez. It’s a fez hat.

Jess: It’s a magic fez?

Drew: Yeah.

Jess: Okay. Why don’t you figure out a spell that goes on your magic fez? So, for Spirit, you guys, Spirit is pull three random books, then go to a random page and pull a sentence that you think describes your character.

Ellie: That involves moving!

Ronnie: I happen to have three books on my desk!

Drew: They have to be random books! Those aren’t random!

Jess: As long as they’re on your map it’s fine.

Ellie: There’s books around Finn’s [Jess and Ellie’s little brother] bed. I’m just gonna pull those books.

Drew: So you said to grab three random books?

Jess: Yeah. If you have three near you that’s fine.

Drew: There’s a bookshelf…

Ellie: So wait, it’s a random line as well?

Jess: Well, you can choose a line on that page if you want. I don’t mind!

Ellie: Alright, uh, Jess, say a number.

Jess: 27

Drew: [counting to himself]

Ellie: Page 27… [flipping pages]

Drew: [laughs] Alright… oh man my three books…

Jess: Okay!

Drew: Where the Boys Are: Urban Gay Erotica…

Jess: [laughs]

Drew: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets…

Jess: [laughs more]

Drew: … Jaws.

Jess: These are all… definitely titles!

Ronnie: My books are Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder… Queer and Trans Artists of Color… and Fruits Basket! [laughs]

Jess: Nice!

Drew: And we just have to pick a random sentence? From each of them?

Jess: Or you can just pick a sentence. It doesn’t have to be random. I pulled this from Normality, which is a really fun game.

Drew: Yeah.

Jess: You pick from your favourite book a random page, and then pick a sentence from that page.

Drew: Oh man, I picked a page and there’s a lot of…

Ellie: Jess, say another number.

Jess: Sixty… nine.

Drew: [reading] “Gripping his jaw, I kiss him, I kiss him for…”

Ellie: 69?

Jess: Yeah.

Drew: “...our noses rub, our tongues exploring, our teeth crushing together.”

Ronnie: [laughs]

Jess: So like, your guy is gay, right? That’s what that means?

Drew: I feel like... Well, he can, or like bi.

Jess: That’s true.

Drew: I mean, let’s be real, though. He’s got bear arms. He’s clearly a gay Bear.

Jess: Oh my god!

Ronnie: This is really funny, because the book I have actually landed on a quote by Nietzsche.

Jess: [laughs]

Ronnie: And so, the sentence is, “From this point of view even the blunders of life have their own meaning and value– the occasional side and wrong roads, the delays, “modesties,” seriousness wasted on tasks that are remote from the task.”

Jess: Oh that’s kind of horrifying, and also kind of nice, and also kind of in character.

Ronnie: Yes.

Drew: So, the sentence I wanna do is “I lift my hand off his face just long enough to reach for the ball gag on the bedside table.”

Jess: [laughs] Alright!

Drew: There’s… there’s not a lot on that page I can get through. Most of it is about nipple clamps and sex. So… well, I’ll write down what I got from it.

Jess: Okay.

Drew: Where the Boys Are… he’s gay, and he likes ball gags!

Jess: [laughs] His spirit is strong.

Drew: Oh man, but he… so he should get some sort of special rope ability, ‘cause he’s clearly into bondage.

Jess: Rope is very expensive, I’m warning you now! I literally only made it super expensive because Ellie wanted it to be included.

Ellie: What?!

Drew: Is there any way that he could just have like his bondage rope, and then it just could be half as useful as actual rope but no one really knows why he has this kinky rope?

Jess: Except him?

Drew: Yeah.

Jess: I think so. [laughs] I like the idea of, someone’s like “Does anyone have some rope?” and he sheepishly pulls it out, and they’re like “Yeah! Thanks guy– where did you get this?”, and he’s like “...Adventure reasons.”

Drew: He’s like, “I can’t really hold a lot of weight, but I can tie a whole bunch of knots if you want.”

Jess: “I can suspend this bad guy from the ceiling a whole bunch of ways.”

Drew: Yeah. [laughs]

Ronnie: Oh noooo! Mine just got so angsty!

Jess: Oh no!

Ronnie: Fruits Basket pulled up for me, “They didn’t really want me.”

Jess: Awww no!

Drew: Mine’s just like, Dursley yelling at Harry. “I warned you, I will not tolerate mention of your abnormality under this roof!”

Ronnie: Oh no!

Jess: So sad!

Drew: So he comes from a family that, like, doesn’t believe in magic, and he’s magic, and they’re like “Fuck you! Get lost!”

Jess: Aww!

Drew: I dunno! That’s what I get from that.

Jess: Yeah.

Drew: They don’t care he’s gay, they just don’t like that he’s magic.

Jess: I’m just, it’s so sad. Some tragic backstory shit happening all of a sudden.

Ronnie: [in the background] Oh no!!

Drew: Are we using “magic” with a “c” or “magik” with a “k”?

Jess: Um, I think it’s with a… well, you’re the magic guy, you choose.

Ronnie: The quote that I got is “I’m not going to exploit my grandma just because somebody gave me money.”

Drew: That’s nice.

Ronnie: This rat… loves his grandma.

Jess: Aww! His ratma!

Ronnie: I say “his”… I’m going to say “they.”

Jess: Okay.

Drew: I don’t know what to say from this. Um, there’s a lot of, like, weird stuff on this page, but a lot of it has swearing, so he likes to swear.

Jess: Ah. He’s such a gruff, old, like BDSM guy.

Ronnie: [laughs] It’s great!

Jess: I think I’ve met this guy at Pride before.

Drew: Probably.

Ellie: I think I’ve got my quotes maybe. From The Supernaturalists… [correcting self] Supernaturalist, single.

Jess: Aw, I love that book.

Ellie: “Even if sometimes, she couldn’t remember her mother and father anymore,” from that.

Jess: Sad.

Ellie: From Martin the Warrior, “I’ll try to get back to you this time tomorrow night,” and then from Itch, “‘Reading’ said Itch.”

Jess: [laughs]

Ellie: Those are my quotes.

Drew: Did we have to write down the actual quote because I just wrote down what I got from them.

Jess: You can do either, it’s about how you’d interpret it best.

Drew: Okay. My brain keeps being like “But Jess, what’s your character?!” and I’m like “Uhh never mind, shut up.”

Jess: [laughs] Don’t worry! Ev and I have been discussing some of the side characters and stuff. You’ll meet some fun types.

Um, so, I think next we’re gonna go on to adjectives ‘cause you guys are kind of getting what your character is.

Ellie: What about Ev?

Jess: Oh, yeah, Ev! Sorry!

Ev: [sarcastic] Alright, cool. [laughs] That’s how it is!

Jess: Shut up! Shut up and speak!

[laughter]

Ev: Okay, um, sorry, I’m just moving things around a little bit.

Okay, so, I have “A little voice in her head said ‘Are you doing the right thing?” which is that, uh, Adie’s always questioning their faith and their motivations.

Um, “String me up ‘cause I’m in it now,’ he said to no one,” which is that they go whole-heartedly into things, and they commit to things.

And, “If you’ve had a freakish education, at least use it,” which is that they were brought up in a weird, like, super technophobic, like... I called the organization that their parents were in “Radical Organicists,” which is like, in my head it’s like a combination of, like those weird culty communes, and anti-vaxxers, and anti-GMO vegans, and basically everyone who, like wants to go back to the Earth, but in kind of like really harmful, bad ways. [laughs] So…

Ronnie: Did I tell you that my grandma totally lived in a couple communes in the 60s?

[laughter]

Ronnie: She’s a cool grandma.

Ev: This is like, they grew up in a bad commune. It was definitely much more cult than anything else.

Jess: Okay, so adjectives. And your adjectives are describing words. This is something I pulled from MechNoir, because I’ve been listening to a lot of Friends at the Table, and this is something they do. But you get to choose three adjectives to describe your character, and they can give you bonuses on rolls if you can convince me that it’s relevant.

Ev: My, my adjectives for Adie are committed, clever, and blunt.

Jess: Committed, clever, and blunt.

Ev: Yep.

Jess: I like it. Has anyone else got any thoughts on theirs? I guess it’s very soon.

Ronnie: What’s the word for when someone is really good at, sort of, MacGyvering things? I-Innovative? No…

Ev: Resourceful?

Ronnie: ...Resourceful, there we go.

Jess: Yeah, that’s good, yeah.

Drew: I wanna use Persnickety.

[laughter]

Ev: Solid.

Jess: So far very good. Ellie, you got anything?

Drew: Crotchety…

Ronnie: Oh my god.

Ev: That’s the same thing as persnickety!

Drew: No, it’s not! Persnickety is being particular, and crotchety is being “ill-tempered, irritable, or grumpy.”

Jess: [laughs] I love this old man!

Ev: He’s so hard to work with, it sounds like!

Drew: Persnickety is "fussy or putting too much emphasis on trivial or minor details."

Jess: I love, I love, oh my god the worst co-worker of all time.

Ev: Right? This is gonna be so... man, this party is just a nightmare. We've got like a shitty teen, we've got a grouchy old dude, we got a religious zealot, and we got a robot, who's just like "Yep."

Ellie: Oh, Ev! And you're like "And a robot!"

Ev: [laughs] I'm becoming Adie!

Jess: My favourite thing so far is that you guys have all, like, fallen into being like of each other? Already? It's very exciting. Does anyone else have extra adjectives, or do you wanna like, you can also sleep on it and we come back to this next week.

Ronnie: We need to do it NOW!

Jess: Okay!

Ellie: I've got something note worthy.

Jess: Okay.

Ronnie: I thought of "resourceful," oh wait, I already thought of "resourceful," but "rebellious"!

Jess: Okay.

Drew: Um…

Ellie: "Volatile"

Drew: Oh I know what I wanna… Oh, sorry!

Ellie: How's "volatile", Jess?

Jess: Volatile's good!

Ev: It's really good.

Jess: Surprising but good, yeah. I wanna see how that runs out.

Ev: Like, temper-wise or in the fact that your HP is so low and you just explode when someone touches you?

[laughter]

Jess: Oh no!

Ellie: I said the wrong words and wrote the wrong word down, so that means I'm keeping it!

Jess: I like it though!

Ellie: Yeah.

Ev: What word were you thinking?

Ellie: "Versatile!"

Ev: Oh!

[laughter]

Ellie: Um, I'm keeping it either way.

Jess: I like volatile and versatile.

Ellie: I'll put both! So, my character is trustworthy, volatile, and versatile.

Jess: Aw!

Ev: That's a good robot.

Jess: That's a good... yeah!

Drew: I'm, uh, so "charitable" is the other one I wanna put down.

Jess: Ah shit, that's really interesting! Like, as a third, compared to "crotchety" and "persnickety"... and charitable.

Drew: Yeah.

Jess: I like it. How're you doin', Ron?

Ronnie: ...Good. I'm trying to think of a... specific word.

Drew: Oh I know!

Ronnie: Um…

Drew: [typing something for Ronnie]

Ronnie: Uh... no.

Drew: Ronnie's third word is "stinky"!

Ronnie: No it's not!

[laughter]

Ronnie: They can't 'cause [rats] clean themselves so much!

Drew: They do.

Jess: Especially 'cause this rat has high Charisma! This is a fancy rat.

Ev: Yeah!

Ronnie: I-It's more than just cleanliness, like... like... he grooms a lot, they groom a lot.

Drew: Obsesses.

[Ronnie mumbles]

Jess: Uh, "neat," "clean"...

Ev: Hygienic?

Jess: Uh…

Ronnie: Fussy! There we go.

Ev: Fussy!

Jess: Fussy's good! Yeah!

Drew: That's the same thing as "persnickety!" Except my word's better.

Jess: So what were your three words in the end, Ronnie?

Ronnie: Resourceful, rebellious, and fussy.

[Multiple "aww"s]

Jess: I wanna bully that rat!

Ev: Everyone's so cute!

[laughter]

Ev: Ronnie and Ellie, did you guys decide on like, genders or pronouns for your characters?

Ronnie: My character's pronouns are they/them, yeah. Or maybe zey/zem to keep with…

Ev: Zibyl, zey/zem, oh good!

Jess: Okay! I love it. Uh, Ellie, do you know what your robot is yet?

Ellie: Might be she/her?

Jess: Aw! Yeah, I like it.

Ev: Yay, we got a girl robot! [laughs] It's perfect!

Ellie: Ev, have I show you my robot?

Ev: No, show me your robot!

Ellie: My robo…

[paper shuffling]

Jess: She's so cute. I love her.

Drew: She's the cutest!

Ev: Oh my god, that is really charming! [laughs] What kind of hat is that, or is that an antenna?

Ellie: It's a little, it's a bird!

Ev: Oh!

Jess: A ro-bird?

Ev: Too cute!

Ellie: Ro-bird! [laughs]

Ev: It's a little bird on her head!

Ellie: And then, that's the feet! Because, poor Dexterity.

Ev: [laughs] Oh my god! All of our guys are so good!

Jess: This is so good!

Ev: Uh, my character looks like Michelle Forbes in, uh, Battlestar Gallactica. I'll find a link. Hang on.

Jess: Nice.

Drew: I'm so bad with names!

Jess: Are you, are you going back on Earl?

Drew: What? No. No no no, I... Ev just said some person's name, and I was like "I know Battlestar Gallactica, but I have NO idea who that is."

Jess: Oh!

Drew: No, Earl is Earl, like... Earl cannot be any more Earl than Earl already is.

Jess: It's true!

Ev: Let's see…

Ellie: Unless he wakes up in the morning... Because then he gets up EARL-ly.

Ev: Heh.

Jess: [grunt and long sigh]

Ev: I linked to Michelle Forbes in the chat.

Ronnie: Okay.

Ellie: Ohh!

Drew: Yeah, okay.

Jess: Nice.

Ellie: Good

.

Drew: I want them to get in a relationship!

Jess: Well…

Drew: Ship it! Ship it!

Ev: [laughs] They're in a relationship and they have a, have a son. I'm telling you, I go so deep into character building!

Jess: Wait, they have a son?!

Ev: Yeah. You want me to read this, part of this real fast?

Jess: Yes.

Ev: Okay. "Adie grew up within a commune that was also slightly a cult. They retained some of the ideas they were raised with, but actually consider themself very moderate compared to what they grew up with, even if that's sort of reactionary in most society. They became an insurance investigator because they wanted to reduce the dependence of flesh-and-blood people on machines and change the system of the Dreaming from the inside, in a way they're not completely sure how that's going to happen, yet." [laughs] Um, "They love travel and reading, and they're very curious, not very funny, and maybe not quite as clear on what their ideals are as they should be. Adie is estranged from their parents and extended family due to aforementioned cult/commune thing. They have a life partner named Robbie McCabe and a seven year old son named Colin."

Drew: Are they Poly [polyamorous]?

Ev: Hm?

Drew: Are they Poly?

Ev: I want them to be! I'm not sure if I should do that, because then, like, I think most of that's going to stay deep in the background, but I kind of wanted them to actually be married to two people.

Jess: It is Space Future.

Ev: Yeah.

Drew: I just wanna ship them with, um, with Ellie's character.

Ev: With HuM4n?

Jess: It would be so symbolic!

Ev: It would. It would be so solid. Their, their wife wants them to stop being such a zealot.

[laughter]

Jess: That's a fun table talk. "Adie..."

Ellie: I think HuM4n would have a nice tea session with Wife.

Ev: Yeah! I can, I can see Robbie meeting HuM4n and being like "Oh, you guys should date because then Adie would just, fuckin' chill for a minute."

[laughter]

Ev: What a bunch of trash babies.

Jess: Um, okay. So, we've got our adjectives... we're gonna do... Luck next. So I want you all to roll 3 d6 [dice]. And don't cheat, goddamn it!

Drew: Roll 3 d6?

Jess: Yes.

Ev: Whoa! I did Ellie rolls on that one.

Ellie: Wow!

Jess: What did you get?

Ev: Five, four, five.

Jess: Okay!

Ellie: I didn't, I did the opposite of Ellie rolls!

Jess: What did you get?

Drew: Oh, Ronnie got shit! Ronnie got anus hairs!

Ronnie: Oh nooo!

[laughter]

Jess: What did you…

Drew: I got 12. But Ronnie got 3!

Ellie: Well, my robot's…

Jess: Oh no!

Ronnie: I got 4!

Ev: Shit!

Jess: What did you get, El?

Ellie: One, two…

Jess: Oh my god!

Ellie: ...and one.

Drew: Hey, you got the same thing as Ronnie!

[hysterical laughter]

Ev: Wow, you are SO unlucky.

Drew: What is this roll for?

Ev: For Luck.

Jess: For Luck!

Drew: For Luck…

Jess: Yup!

Drew: I got twelve.

Jess: Well, okay. So, here's the thing about Luck.

Drew: Good luck and bad luck.

Jess: There's good Luck and there's bad Luck, and um, you can actually trade out skills for better Luck, but you have to take three points away from your skills to get an additional point of Luck, and you can do the reverse. You can trade your Luck to get more skills.

Drew: I dunno, I kind of like having high Luck, even if it could be bad for me, 'cause it feels fun.

Ronnie: You say that because you also have high skills, Drew.

Drew: [evil laughter]

Jess: It's true.

Ellie: Here's the thing. I think it would be hilarious if my robot, who's got all these high skills has really, really low Luck.

Jess: Aww! What a squishy baby!

Ev: That's really charming.

Ronnie: As my quote spirit says: "Even the blunders of life have their own meaning and value."

Jess: Aw! [laughs]

Ellie: Ronnie! Your character and my character should get tea!

Ronnie: [laughs] Yes!

Ellie: Well I mean…

Drew: My character will buy the tea and grumble about it.

Ellie: Everyone's invited!

Ronnie: He doesn't have to!

Drew: Yeah, but that doesn't matter, I'm your elder!

Jess: So, I'm just figuring stuff out on this end, but um…

Drew: There's no spot for age.

Jess: You can put age down... somewhere.

Drew: So, are we following, um, the rule with, uh, I think D&D has a thing where you actually get lower skills if you're older…

Jess: No, we're not. We're ignoring all that. [laughs]

Drew: Okay. Did I say I was 68 or 63?

Ellie: I think 63?

Ev: Yeah.

Drew: 63, okay.

Jess: Okay, so here's how Luck is gonna work. You can use it to re-roll rolls. For example, if you have a 20 on Luck, you can reroll 3 rolls a session, and they don't have to just be yours, they just have to affect you in some way or another. So, if you have 20 Luck you can reroll 3 times. If you have 19, 3 times, Eighteen, three times. Seventeen, two times. Sixteen, two times. Fifteen, one time. Fourteen, one time. Thirteen, one time. Twelve, eleven, ten, and nine have no Luck values one way or the other. And then, if you have…

Drew: Twelve has nothing or twelve is still one?

Jess: Twelve is nothing.

Drew: Twelve is nothing.

Jess: Twelve is average. Yep. You can't reroll, um, unless you have greater than twelve. If you have eight or less, I get to reroll a roll against you!

Ronnie: Oh…

Jess: If you have a 4 or a 3, I get to reroll two rolls against you! And if you have a 2 or a 1, I get to reroll three rolls against you. There are some other things that Luck will have, and you can combine Luck for things, and Luck does have other applications, like there will be times where I won't know if something's going to go one way or another, where you'll roll a Luck thing. So, at the moment I get to roll against Ellie and Ronnie twice a session.

Ronnie: [laughs sadly]

Ellie: It's okay.

Drew: Sucks to be them!

Ellie: HuM4n's fine about it.

Jess: And the only people who get rerolls, are Drew and Ev, which... wait, no! Drew doesn't get any!

Drew: No.

Jess: So only Ev gets to reroll.

Ev: Heyo!

Drew: I don't get any rerolls but you don't get to roll against me!

Jess: Yup.

Ellie: You said three d6 right?

Jess: Yeah.

Ellie: Wow, I rolled so terribly!

Jess: I kinda like it! I kinda like the low…

Drew: I think it's hilarious that you and Ronnie both rolled the same thing.

Ev: The same really bad thing!

Drew: Yeah.

Jess: It's so impressive... Christ. Okay, um, now let's do materials. Um. Which are Status, Education, Money, and Equipment. Your Status and Education will have some effect. Money's probably going to have the most effect to start, because that's going to depend on what, it's gonna change your budget around, and then Equipment is also a thing. So, roll one d6.

Drew: Pardon?

Jess: Roll one d6.

Drew: Okay.

Ellie: Okay, I rolled a six.

Jess: Okay, that's your... that's your Status, so you have been with this company the longest, Ellie.

Drew: Oh man, I rolled a four.

Ev: Hey, that doesn't make any goddamn sense! [laughs]

Drew: Hey it's your bad luck.

Jess: I mean, it's kinda like, if you're middle management, and this robot's kinda come along and is kind of, muscling you out.

Ev: Climbing the corporate ladder!

Jess: Yeah! [laughs]

Drew: That means I'm gonna hate you!

Ev: [sarcastic] Goddamn robots takin' our jobs!

Jess: You could get along!

Ronnie: I got a five.

Ev: I also have a five.

Drew: That doesn't make any sense!

Ev: Aw man, I'm at the same Status as the, the intern?

Drew: I have LESS Status than the intern!

Jess: I don't, I think it also is like, societal level Status, so if you have Status in certain groups, that might also count towards this. So maybe the fact that Ellie's kind of the leader of a church is gonna bump her Status up a little bit.

Ellie: I mean, it's kind of a church. Kind of, but not really.

Ronnie: I'm internet famous! [laughs]

Jess: [laughs]

Ev: You have a lot of followers on Tumblr!

Drew: People are just jealous of my bear arms.

[laughter]

Drew: My friends have all died. I have no Status because they're all dead.

Jess: Aw!

Ev: Oh my god, Drew!

Jess: It's because our society doesn't respect the elderly.

Ev: Yeah.

Drew: I'm sure they just ship us off to get burned or something.

Jess: Aww! It's not THAT dystopian! I'll just work you until you're dead!

Drew: Oh, okay.

Jess: Okay so roll me another d6, guys.

Ellie: And this is for Education?

Jess: Uh, actually I'm gonna let you roll first, and then we'll figure it out, so it makes more sense next time!

Ellie: I rolled a three.

Jess: 'Kay.

Ronnie: I got a one!

Drew: I rolled a two.

Ev: I have a five again.

Jess: Okay, it does make sense for this to be Education, right?

Drew: Yeah!

Ev: I think so.

Drew: I already said that my character did go to, like didn't go to school, he just learned his stuff from Trades.

Jess: Yeah.

Drew: He failed high school, so.

Jess: I'm guessing that Ev, your guy went to, like, your person went to like, a Clerical college? Like a religious…

Ev: Yeah. Um, yeah, probably.

Jess: And then, Ronnie is like, a homeless teenager, so... Roll again, guys!

Ronnie: Gah! [dropped their dice probably]

Ev: Frick, I got a three for Money.

Jess: 'Kay.

Ellie: I got a four.

Ronnie: Oh dang! I got a four for Money.

Jess: Okay!

Drew: I rolled it off of the edge of my book. [laughs]

Jess: Don't do that!

Drew: I rolled a six! Retirement money!

Ev: Retirement mon! [laughs]

Jess: Okay, nice, so, this is your weekly income in Creds, which are the currency. Actually…

Drew: Six dollars a week!

Ev: [laughs]

Jess: Well, if you'll look, I think you actually get twice that.

Ev: Yeah, you said it was two weeks back pay when you start.

Jess: Yeah, it's two weeks back pay, is what you've got sort of behind you, so you've got twelve creds to start. You get six a week but you have two weeks of back pay. But, you do have, like, weekly things you might have to pay, like rent and rations, uh…

Ellie: Question!

Jess: Yeah?

Ellie: Do I pay rations if I don't eat?

Jess: Um, oil, maintenance, that kind of thing.

Ellie: Ahh.

Jess: Also, you as a druid/technomancer/paladin have to pay for a Holy Site with 1 Cred monthly, so you can subtract that from your income.

Drew: That's complicated.

Jess: Yeah, I wanted to make this, uh, a game about budgeting.

Drew: In the loan section, are we doing compound loaning?

Jess: No, because I don't want to have to do that much math.

Ronnie: Hey! Hey! Stop! [laughs] Noooooo! [yelps]

Jess: I don't know what's happening over there, but I bet it's disgusting.

Ev: I think Drew and Ronnie are being married right now. [laughs]

Jess: God... damnit.

Ev: They're doing married shit.

Jess: This is what happens when you invite married people to anything, right?

Drew: I'm tickling them!

[laughter]

Jess: [sarcastic] Gross.

Ronnie: Okay, okay.

Jess: They don't deserve that. Anyway! Um, you guys all need rent to rent out a place and rations. You can combine those however you want. If you want to eat fois gras in a gutter, that's fine. If you wanna eat spam in a mansion, that's also fine. Uh, you can get yourself some prosthesis…

Drew: There's very little money to start with!

Jess: You guys don't have, like glamorous jobs, you know that right? Like…

Drew: Yeah I know, but we've been living for a while! You'd think we'd have SOME money to start with!

Ev: I have a partner who brings in her own income, presumably!

Drew: Yeah, right?

Jess: It's Capitalist Space Future! Do you wanna... [laughs] You have to pay Air loans probably!

Drew: Can I just get a tattoo of a corporation on my ass and call it a day?

Jess: I mean, you can if you want! That's probably why you get six, six pay a week!

Ev: Earl is so into body modding. [laughs]

Drew: Earl IS into body modding.

Jess: There is totally like, underground body modding places, and people get addicted to modding their bodies until they're like, weird. Ah... Space Future.

Ellie: Can I use my creds that aren't, that are part of my Money to get a tiny automaton familiar?

Jess: Yes, of course you can!

Ellie: [happy sound]

Jess: Um…

Drew: Where are the familiars?

Jess: The familiars are for wizards and druids. You can get one. It's gonna be alive by magic whereas Ellie's is gonna be alive by religious…

Ellie: It's a tiny robot!

Drew: But, but isn't that like a baby then?

Jess: I was thinking more like the daemons from The Golden Compass and The Amber Spyglass, but robots.

Drew: I was just thinking 'cause it's robot, I'm like isn't there some sort of like, weird existential thing that you have to consider because you're also a robot?

Jess: Yeah, Ellie! Do you?

Ellie: Sorry?

Jess: Do you have to consider that, that they're babies, or is it different for robots?

Drew: Or that they're equal?

Ellie: They're different for robots!

Drew: But doesn't that have like a weird supremacy thing for robots though?

Jess: [laughs]

Ellie: No! It's my buddy!

Ev: It's like, you know, being a human and owning a dog. Like, they're still flesh and blood guys, they're just like, dumb and you know, you have to take care of them.

Drew: A dog, a dog isn't a tiny human, though!

Ellie: I have a connection with my tiny robot friend! It's like we're both friends on equal terms.

Jess: Also, I think in this society, there are like, dogs that are as intelligent as people, and dogs that aren't. I think that it's gotten to the point where people occasionally will just make a creature or a species super smart 'cause they can.

Drew: That that mean that there are like, super not-smart people?

Jess: Hmmm…

Ev: I dunno if I like that, 'cause that gets into weird like, weird territory.

Jess: That gets kind of into, um, what's-it-called, that one dystopian, not nineteen-eighty... Brave New World! It gets a bit Brave New World. I'm not sure we're gonna go that far into the like, intelligence hierarchy, some-people-are-better-than-others…

Drew: Yeah, I'm fine with not doing that! I was just asking about robots.

Ev: [sad laugh]

Jess: It's interesting from a robot perspective. I wonder if it's like, based on how, like, close they are to the Singularity.

Ev: Well, plus we also have in this world, robots that are dead people's souls put into machines.

Jess: Oh yeah! That's a thing!

Ellie: Maybe I built my own familiar.

Jess: Aww!

Drew: Oh I know what, I know what I want now!

Jess: Yeah?

Drew: I want Earl's, like, Life Partner to have passed on [Ev gasps], and they had decided he was going to go into like, one of those, um, machines and then like he was super fit-looking and awesome and he's like "See ya later, Earl!" and then just like leaves.

Ev: Ohh!!

[lots of sob laughing]

Drew: So that was Earl's like, retirement funds.

Jess: Aw!!

Ev: Oh my god!!

Ellie: He's... he's so sad and awwuh!

Jess: So, does Earl not have any money anymore? Did you get it, like, the large…

Drew: He gets six Creds! Of course he doesn't have any money! I'm trying to explain away the fact that he's saved for like sixty years and he's got like, 12 Creds!

Jess: [laughs]

Drew: Um, do I need to pay for my prosthesis or should I just like imagine that I paid for them when I was young like I said?

Jess: I think I might have to make you pay for your prosthesis.

Ev: Noo!

Jess: [laughs]

Drew: I still have one dollar left!

Jess: You have your Equipment money! I gave you Equipment money!

Drew: Yeah, then I'll just be naked! [laughs]

Ronnie: [laughs]

Ev: Christ.

Jess: I'm assuming you have…

Drew: Do I have to pay for each arm or can it just be 11 dollars, 11 Cred?

Jess: I think you just paid for it all. You can can also have been in debt for the last like…

Ev: Rope is really expensive.

Jess: That's... [laughs]

Drew: Oh, what's the deal with the bondage rope that I had suggested?

Jess: You get to keep your bondage rope, but if Ellie wants rope, she has to pay full price.

Drew: Okay.

Ellie: Jess, how much are weapons and what what weapons are available for a druid?

Jess: Um, so... mostly, you just have to look at the druid weapons in AD&D and then we're gonna adapt them.

Ellie: Can I have a quarter staff?

Jess: Yeah.

Ellie: Alright.

Ev: And that goes for spells, too, right?

Jess: Yeah.

Ev: We're just doing AD&D ones?

Jess: Yeah. If you want.

Drew: Is there, like, a certain amount of spells?

Jess: Uh, same as AD&D, it's just whether we're gonna start you as level one or level three. What would you guys prefer?

Drew: Uh…

Ev: What's a man catcher?

Jess: What?

Ev: I'm looking at Cleric weapons and there's something called a man catcher.

Jess: Like a net? [laughs]

Drew: Jess?

Jess: Yeah?

Drew: I'd like to advocate because I have bear arms, that I get to use one of the D&D things where I have claws, which actually is an attack weapon.

Jess: Okay, but you don't get any other weapons except for a magic gun if you wanna shell out the money for that.

Drew: Well, I mean, I'm already shelling out the money for my arms, they're 11 Cred, right?

Jess: Yeah, it's true! [laughs]

Drew: So I just wanna be able to use my claws if I need to!

Jess: Yeah, those are probably gonna be a 1d4 damage. And I think the thing is, the reason they would be kind of lower as well is because I think there are a lot of robots and people who have body mods and you're gonna need energy weapons.

Drew: Well, and also I'm just old. So my physical body is probably pretty old, even if my bear arms are rad.

Jess: Man, you could probably get your claws, like, upgraded into laser claws at some point.

Drew: That'd be cool. I wonder if my bear arms need to be replaced at points because bears, like, live way less and so every like, ten years my bear arms have to be replaced when they, like shrivel up and fall off.

Ronnie: Gah!

Jess: [laughs] So they're like actual bear arms not just like, look like bear arms?

Drew: Yeah, they're actual bear arms!

Jess: I love it, okay, yeah.

Ellie: So Jess, are we first level or third level, 'cause that changes how many spells I can get.

Jess: I know! [sighs] ...I guess you guys are third level.

Ronnie: I have picked out my stuff!

Jess: Oh yeah? What do you have?

Ronnie: I have a Hacker's kit, one alternate ID which is The Oracle... xx27…

Jess: [laughs]

Ronnie: Uh, two costumes, a glow worm, and... a set of Dream Interference. And... no weapon because this shitty teen doesn't understand.

Jess: I am gonna get that shitty teen a hoverboard if it's the last thing I do.

Ev: Oh good.

Jess: [laughs] Like, I just want the shittiest, eighty-est, 80s-est…

Drew: So the hat actually says that it doesn't have to be a spell! I get a special effect, which can be frost resistance, advantage on charisma rolls, or an extra spell slot!

Jess: Shit! [laughs]

Ev: Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking when we were talking about it, Jean. You can change it if you want, but I was thinking like, it's like having an item equipped in a video game where it like, gives you a buff or something.

Jess: Yeah, I think that's it. I think I just said "spell" because I'm a sleepy baby all the time, and I don't know what's going on in the game I'm creating! So.. yeah!

Drew: I think I'm gonna end up getting a loan, I think.

Jess: I'll just have to keep track of that, and then there'll be creditor organizations who are keeping an eye on you, and I'll just have to remember that.

Ev: Can I have a, a sword?

Jess: Yes.

Ev: A non-haunted sword?

Jess: Yyyyyeesssss... I feel like you're kind of edging more towards the Paladin territory in some ways…

Ev: That's true.

Jess: I don't think that's a bad thing. I think it kind of, almost fits with the character more than the Cleric?

Ev: I can do a Paladin.

Jess: Yeah.

Ev: Alright, yeah, I'll just be a Paladin. Fuck it!

Jess: I feel like there's probably a cool name we could give to the Paladins, for the Future Times, but we'll figure that out.

Drew: Pala-don'ts.

Jess: [laughs] Pala-do?

Ev: [laughs]

Drew: Pala-outs!

Jess: Uh, Pala-drives?

Ev: Pals!

Jess: Like, drive? Like... a computer drive?

Ev: Hm....

Jess: No?

Ev: Mods? [laughs]

Jess: Oh no wait, I love that! [laughs]

Ev: Well, that doesn't really make sense, 'cause they're not really in charge of any, like, they're not like, well... I dunno! A mod?

Jess: Um, admins?

Drew: How come technomancers get to be in the druid/cleric/paladin AND in the wizard section?

Jess: Uh, 'cause technomancers can use, uh, pretty much they can use wizard or druid magic to affect the Dreaming.

Drew: Okay. ...What's a spring belt?

Jess: Oh, the spring belt is, uh, if you have your weapon in it, it means you always have it at the ready, so even in surprise attacks, you're not gonna get surprised and you can attack and roll initiative.

Drew: Okay. Um, and what's a travelling duster?

Jess: Like, a cool duster, like the jacket in [shyly] ...Fallout New Vegas.

Ev: [laughs]

Ellie: You're a nerd, Jess.

Jess: Hey.

Ronnie: I might need it.

Jess: [laughs] Oh my god, you do need it!

Ev: That's what that hoodie is! [laughs]

Jess: Oh my god, no. I need…

Ronnie: My hoodie is actually a travel duster?

Drew: Ooh what's a festival lantern do?

Jess: I think it's just a cool lantern! [laughs]

Drew: Dentures?! C'mon! I've been working here for how many years and I don't get coverage for dentures?

Jess: Yeah, there is definitely only private health insurance in the future.

Drew: I'll gum you to death!

Jess: [laughs]

Drew: Uh, so right now I need, I would need a 14 Credit loan.

Jess: I think you can get a 14 Credit loan. I'll just write it down. Does anyone else need a loan?

Ev: Yeah, I need a loan of... 4 dollars.

Drew: I'll, I'll probably need to get one or two Credits more just so I can clothes. Um, but, that's what I'll ask for right now, and then I'll email you about it later.

Jess: Cool.

Ronnie: My clothes come from the garbage!

[laughter]

Ronnie: Except for the cool duster thing.

Ev: You saved up for a good jacket.

Jess: Aw, that's so, like, like, I'm just imagining zem like, saving all of their money for weeks on end and spending it all on a jacket.

Is there anything else you guys want to go over before we leave? Any worldbuilding stuff that you think is really appropriate to this world that you need me to inject right now?

Ellie: Well, I don't know if it's really anything important, but I thought, so we all have usernames in the Dream, right?

Jess: Yeah.

Ellie: My robot's username is Sore_491, and it's that because the robot had to have a human friend help to log in because of the prove-you're-not-a-robot, and that was what, that was the code that needed to be typed in, and the human thought it would be funny to name the robot's…

Jess: Username.

Ellie: Yeah.

Drew: Hey, can my guy's name be deepthroat_69?

[laughter]

Jess: Yeah! Absolutely! And I bet, yeah, he had to be really fast on the draw to get that, that username.

Drew: What I, well I, well he's old, right? But he…

Ev: Yeah he's had it since the Internet was new!

Drew: I want it be that, basically they, um, you can't change your username once you have it, so like, so like he just went into the Dreaming when he was horny one time or something, and then he got this job later on and he was like "Fuck, whatever." [laughs]

Ev: There's probably SO many people with that, that that has happened to!

Jess: Yeah, like... Oh, I want the mayor's username to be, like... 420justblaze$$$, and like, part of their campaign was being like, now I'm a serious candidate!

Ellie: One of the heads of the churches is called MiLady450.

Jess: [laughs] Cleric…

Ronnie: There is so much Vaporwave in this, in this RP right now.

Ev: It's so good. I'm trying to think of something that Adie would have... It's probably something that they thought was really clever when they were a teenager... shit.

Ellie: Can there just be a, epidemic of memes? In the church? Like…

Jess: [laughs]

Ellie: [laughs] like another head of the church has one that's "Can I Haz Churchburger?"

Drew: Noooooooooo!

Ellie: [laughs]

Ev: I bet this is a future where there's definitely, like, a church of Our Lord Dril, or something like that. [laughs]

Jess: Oh god! Oh god....

Drew: I want people to be back to worshiping cats again.

Jess: I think, I think we can do that. Think they probably put on performances of Cats every Sunday. IN the Dreaming, though. Like, they got kicked out of other... they can't do it Live anymore. They, have a Live, once a year, Cats performance.

Ev: Oh, oh! Can we have it, can he have "Hugh Jackman's Huge Act-in" be canon in this universe?

Jess: Yeah, definitely.

Drew: Hugh Jackman's what?

Jess: It's a CoolGames Inc. ... it's a podcast where they make up game ideas, but one of them was "Hugh Jackman's Huge Act-in." You get to be the actors in Broadway show of your dreams, and it's virtual. You're virtually kind of, filled into a lobby.

Ev: It's VR theatre, and, and it's such a good concept, and I'm so mad that it doesn't exist. [laughs]

Jess: I feel like there's, like, bazillions of entertainment channels, and some of them are just like virtual, and some of them are real actors, and some of them are just Amateur Hour. In fact, I'm pretty sure there's a, like, station called "Amateur Hour."

Ev: [laughs] Good.

Ronnie: [laughs]

Drew: I, I drew Ronnie's and my character. [shuffling paper] [The drawing shows Earl with an arm around Zibyl.]

[chorus of giggles and "aww"s]

Jess: "You're gonna go far, kid."

Drew: [laughs]

Ev: He's so little!

Drew: He's super short! He's like 5'2" or something!

Ellie: Like, he's reaching up with his arm!

Drew: Yeah.

[laughing and yelling, probably because Drew's showing a drawing of Earl with a leather harness and black g-string.]

Jess: That's happening. I guess.

[laughter]

Ev: Is that...

Ellie: Earl's the best.

Ev: Is that his avatar?

Drew: That's his, so he's got two avatars. He's got his like, cruising avatar, and then this is his regular avatar. [Drew shows the drawing of Earl's avatar, which has him in his normal dress and slacks with suspenders and bowtie, but taller and more svelte.]

Ev: Oh, yeah!

Jess: So cute!

Ellie: Earl is the best.

Ev: Earl's the cutest character I've seen in my life. Oh my god.

Drew: Back to his cruising avatar! [laughs] [Earl is in a harness and g-string again in this drawing, but with his more "ideal" build as an avatar.]

Ev: Jesus Christ. [laughs]

Ellie: Wow.

Ev: Oh boy.

Drew: [showing another drawing] This is his partner that left him when he got downloaded into a robot!

Ev: Aw!!

Jess: [laughs]

Drew: Um, what's in the, uh Adventurer's kit?

Ev: Whatever we want, I think, right?

Jess: Yup! And, like, you can...

Drew: Whatever we want?

Ev: Well.

Jess: And if you can try to convince me it's like, something you would carry, I will just say yes to you carrying it, but you can't go ridiculous with it. You can't be like "I have the item we're looking for!" or "I have the Heart of the Dreaming!" Neither of those things are gonna happen, so, like.

Ronnie: [laughs] So, like, in Pathfinder there's actually a Perk called "Packrat," for Ratfolk, which is, if there is a mundane item that we need, I can just say "Oh, I happen to have it!"

Drew: That is one thing I like about Pathfinder, is that they give you, like you get to pick a couple qualities and they affect your characters, like what is that?

Ev: Oh, that's like what we have!

Drew: The [traits] are really cool, and they can be things that like affect your character, so one of the [traits] can be like you're rich, and you start out with like, three times the amount of money, but that wastes one of your [traits] so it only affects you at the beginning of the game, basically. Whereas, um, you can have a [traits] where, what is it? One of them is that I was an orphan, so everyone who didn't have parents trusted me more automatically.

Jess: Heh! It does kind of also sound like, uh, the proficiencies, almost. Which, are just things you're kinda good at. You'll get proficiencies, you can be good at stuff that isn't, like, directly based... like dancing and cooking an' things like that.

Drew: Earl's really good at tying things.

Ronnie: [laughs]

Jess: Okay.

Ev: That's not surprising.

Drew: We had that discussion.

Ellie: Can I have animal handling?

Jess: Yes, but you can apply it to robots.

Drew: Do you have a list of possible ones or are we just making them up and asking?

Ellie: I'm gonna apply it to robots.

Ev: Uhh... can we, I think we can make 'em up, right? As long as they're not weapon proficiencies?

Drew: Um, and how many do we get?

Jess: Uh, magic-user has three non-weapon, but a Druid begins with three non-weapon slots and gains another at level six, book rules suggest a character should receive two additional slots every six levels. [distant meowing] So you get up to five at level six. A paladin gets two non-weapon slots, one more is gained at level three. A thief acrobat, which is...

Ronnie: [distant] Sheppard, come here!

Sheppard: [continues meowing]

Ev: [laughs]

Jess: Um. [laughs]

Ev: Everyone be quiet, there's a cat talking!

[laughter]

Jess: I don't want to interrupt, but here's something else that's also useful. [sends link]

Sheppard: [meows louder]

[laughter]

Ellie: Jess, I want ancient history!

Jess: Okay. Oh, here's a great list, shit!

Ev: God, the background on this site is balls...

Drew: It's balls and ass!

Ev: [laughs]

Drew: It's a, like, hairy anus.

[laughter]

Jess: But it's useful! Look, I, I didn't make this site!

Drew: Just paste it to a google doc and save our eyes!

Jess: I will paste it into a google doc later!

Ev: [laughs] How difficult are we making your job right now, Jess?

Jess: Not, I mean, you just changed the rules of the game like six times, but...

Ev: Well...

Jess: But it's fine! [laughs]

Ev: It's like, okay so...

Sheppard: [meows loudly into the mic]

Jess: Oh my god that's the loudest cat in the world.

[laughter]

Ev: Who even is this cat?

Drew: You know what's even louder? I'm reading about a spell called Ghost Sounds that sounds completely useless.

Jess: What, what is the spell called Ghost Sounds?

Drew: Um, you just make a sound that people think could be a ghost. You send a whisper fifty feet away.

Ev: Ohhhh, I wish my character believed in ghosts! [laughs]

[laughter]

Jess: This is a decision, okay? Uh, so I decided that technomancy comes in three forms, and... There are Clerics who can like, religious people use their belief to manipulate the world and technology. Magic users use magic over technology to manipulate technology and, um, LARPers, Bards, that lot use technology to manipulate magic, and mechanically, that means that if you are a religious person, you roll under your Wisdom to Hack. If you are a Wizard, you roll under your Intelligence to Hack, and if you are a Bard, you use your Charisma to Hack. Because basically Bards sweet talk the machine into doing what they want.

Drew: "Hey baby... take your cables and tie them up real nice..."

Ronnie: Actually it's... [laughs]

Drew: "Heheheheheh..."

Jess: Earl is a terrible Wizard. Um, here is the other thing, Drew, I'm just making sure you know this... You can use spells that aren't in your spellbook, but you will forget them forever.

Drew: Okay...! I didn't know that, but now I'm like... I'll have to look into spells that I wanna have as like my eventually-I'll-forget-this-spell but it's a pull-it-out-of-my-ass kind of thing.

Ev: Your burn spells.

Drew: Yeah. I don't have my Ass Spells yet though, so.

Jess: Yeah, I just figured you should probably know that.

Drew: I appreciate that.

Ev: All of Earl's spells are Ass Spells.

Drew: Heheheheh!

Jess: [laughs] 'Specially those rope spells. Anyway! Moving swiftly... on!

Ellie: Alright, I was just saying I'm having swimming as one of HuM4n the robot's... proficiencies... even though HuM4n is a robot.

Ev: They could be waterproof. I mean, she could be waterproof.

Ellie: Yeah, but she feels uncomfortable!

Ev: [laughs]

Jess: It's so cute!

Ev: That doesn't sound like a proficiency!

Ronnie: [laughs]

Ellie: No, it's like she's, she's good at swimming, it's just she hates it!

Drew: That's fair.

Ellie: You know how you have parents and they're like "Err, you're gonna do this," and you're like "Why," and then you get good at it, and you're like "I still don't like it!"

Ronnie: [laughs]

Drew: Yeah.

Ellie: That's HuM4n's experience swimming.

Ronnie: Obviously Zibyl is good at sewing.

Ev: Aw!

Drew: Why is it obvious?

Ronnie: Because, Zibyl made zeir clothes from garbage!

[chorus of "aww"s]

Ronnie: And also, uh, and also...

Drew: Why does, uh, Zibyl have red eyes? [Referring to a drawing Ronnie is making]

Ronnie: 'Cause that's what that breed of rat looks like!

Ev: [laughs]

Ronnie: Anyway! Zibyl makes zeir clothes from all of the hand-me-downs from zeir gazillion sibilings, and so...

Ev: Their zibilings?!

[laughter]

Jess: No!

Ronnie: Zeir gazillion ziblings! [laughs]

Jess: No!

Ev: [laughs]

Jess: No! Please... Okay, I'm going to get more water, you guys have to make some decisions! We have to move on this!

Drew: This, this list of spells is, like, terrible! It's so hard!

Jess: Yeah, you shitty spells 'cause you're a shit wizard!

Ronnie: [laughs loudly]

Jess: Get a promotion! Maybe get some better spells!

Drew: I more mean that it's difficult to find what it is, but that's fair! That's fair.

Jess: [laughs]

Drew: Um, you didn't get back to me about, you were going to think about my hat, because what you had told me and what the sheet said about what my hat can do is different, and you said you were going to think about it.

Jess: Yes. It can... buff you. Choose a buff. But choose a buff that isn't, like, "I want this for my character for gameplay reasons." Think about it in the world. Like, what did... wait, I can't remember Earl's... oh, Earl. Not deepthroat69, which is why I have it written here.

[laughter]

Jess: Um, what did Earl's, like, mentor... what would he, or she, or they have wanted to pass down to Earl? And what kind of person would they, like what kind of buff would they have put on that hat? So you think about that, I'm gonna get some water...

Ev: My character wants to mentor Ronnie's character, that's, like immediately what they, like... I was talking to Jess about this, they're... actually no, I was talking to Ellie about this I think!

Ellie: Mm-hmm!

Ev: Which is that, they want to take Zibyl under their wing and have Earl take zem under his wing! And then they'd want HuM4n to just not be there. [laughs]

Drew and Ronnie: [laughs]

Ellie: [in a robot voice] HuM4n understands, but will not comply. Beep boop!

[laughter]

Drew: I love it. ...There's not a lot of spells, because they're not sorted in any way, on this Wiki, so it's like going through all these shitty random spells that all like, does this weird obscure thing from this one side quest thing.

Ev: Hmm.

Jess: I'm back!

Ev: Well, I mean maybe you could think about what kind of effects you wanna have, and then just pick something that's similar to that and you can mod it, y'know?

Drew: Yeah, I'm just, a lot of them do things that I don't even know what they mean. So I'm just trying to find ones that make sense, 'cause there's a lot of like weird, stuff being like "alter normal winds" and "avert evil eye, means that Evil Eye doesn't affect you," and then I have to read about what Evil Eye is...

Jess: Evil Eye is someone watching ya. Creepin on ya.

Drew: Oh, okay. That's actually not bad.

Jess: Yeah, I mean I would say you could mod that and be like, it means that cameras around you will go out!

Drew: I like that!

Ev: I really wanna fast ask about, are we, are we doing alignments, because a lot of my stuff has to do with alignments. [laughs] And if it's, I mean, I can totally pick and choose and sort of ignore the whole Detect Evil stuff, but...

Jess: I think... [sighs] Ah, shit, are we doing alignments...

Ev: I don't want to have to be Lawful Good. I, like, that's the most boring thing about being a Paladin ever.

Jess: Oh, I'm definitely not, like, constraining anyone to anything, like...

Ev: Okay, okay...

Jess: Like, those systems exist, but you do not have to abide by, like, race restrictions, character class restrictions... all that shit. Nah. Nah son.

Ronnie: I think, Ev, is that, it's not necessarily that your character is Good because everyone's vision of good is different, just as long as your character falls within their scripture, the honoring the five things...

Ev: Yeah.

Ronnie: I can't remember which... the body things. The bones and the blood stuff.

Ev: Yeah, I think... Yeah, I think I'm gonna go with, like, they... maybe "evil" in this case is stuff that doesn't... well, that's a really really broad base... I dunno. I think maybe, maybe it would be best to just ignore the "what here is evil" skill, because it's so weird and broad, and it doesn't make much sense in terms of actual morality.

Jess: What about "What here is malevolent," or what if you have a virus scanner?

Ev: Ooh! That's exactly what I'm gonna do!

Jess: Like, you can just check if things have bad spells and bad viruses and shit.

Ev: Yeah! Okay, I love that. That's awesome. Oh, and I also have uh, a thing called "Aura of Protection," which is that if Evil tries to attack me within, like, a certain range, it take a -1 penalty, and I'm just gonna say I have really good antivirus software.

Jess: [laughs]

Ev: Okay.

Jess: Okay!

Ellie: So, Jess?

Jess: Hmm?

Ellie: I was thinking about "Speak with Machines." Does that mean there's more than one language with machines?

Jess: I think there might be multiple languages. Because there are like, Ev and I were talking and there are like, different platforms that can get you onto the Dreaming with, and we're making some analogies to like, Wizards and Clerics and Bards being, like, your Mac users, your PC users, and you Linux users. So that's that, and then like to get to the Dreaming you have different "browsers" quote unquote...

Ev: There's also like different programming languages in general that you can use.

Jess: Yeah. That's what I was thinking like, the different classes maybe create... they can all create robots, right? So maybe a robot created by a Cleric has a different language to one created by a Wizard, to one created just by mechanics, to one created by a Bard.

Ellie: But maybe robots speak just like, maybe the spell, 'cause I've got a spell "Speak with Machines," maybe they speak to each other on a spiritual level.

Ev: How would you communicate with a microphone that doesn't have any kind of... maybe that's what allows you to communicate with machines that don't have any kind of like, sentience or whatever, or...

Drew: Maybe you would give them sentience briefly?

Ellie: [dramatically] But Ev! We're ALL from the Earth!

Ev: Yeah but, I can't talk to cows!

Jess: [guffaws]

Jess: [quietly] Sorry.

Ev: Or I can but I can't communicate with them!

Drew: Oh dear.

Jess: Can I also just say, uh one thing we did talk about was that Hymn is the language of the Church of the Born, their like programming language is called Hymn. Like H-Y-M-N.

Ev: I, I thought it was more like, the language of religious things, because the Church of the Born, their whole thing is like, "we don't really do that," so... [laughs]

Jess: Okay, yeah, so maybe it's just that. Religious things.

Ev: Like Clerics use Hymn to do their shit.

Jess: Uhhh, oh, and I found the browser names for where you jack in. Uh, it's Reverie, which is like, Opera, and then Lotus and Morpheus are the ones we have already.

Drew: Uh, so this, uh, thing doesn't actually have anything about the duration of the spell or anything like that, in the Wiki.

Jess: Well, uh, we can just make up durations.

Drew: Kay.

Jess: [laughs]

Drew: We'll figure it out when I actually use it.

Jess: I figure that probably, yeah, it's probably just going to be as long as narratively relevant, so I might just cut it out at a slightly inconveniently time. Cause that's more interesting.

Ellie: Maybe it could be Luck dependent.

Jess: Oh shit yeah! That's a good idea.

Ev: [to Drew] You do have nice Luck.

Ellie: And I have terrible luck!

Ev: That's a great way to use that.

Jess: Yeah.

Ronnie: Also it's funny how the things that I'm interested in have snuck into this roleplay. I mean, rats is obviously one of them!

Jess: [laughs] It's not surprising.

Ronnie: Oh, but, since I'm actually reading through the AD&D book I have a second time, like highlighting shit, I'm just, the things that I've read are just coming into the...

Drew: The what book?

Ronnie: The ADD... the ADD book, sorry.

Drew: [laughs] The AD&D book!

Ronnie: Oh no! [laughs]

Drew: That's why I was asking what you said!

Jess: We're all... yeah.

Ronnie: The ADD book... uh, so I guess Zibyl has ADD traits now. [laughs] Because that's sort of what...

Jess: That's fair.

Drew: Can we go over talking about what my familiar does?

Jess: Oh yeah.

Drew: And like where...

Jess: Where is your familiar right now by the way?

Drew: I don't know! Um, I don't know what my familiar would look like right or anything. We could retroactively have my familiar on my shoulder. A small one?

Jess: Yeah. Or you could have it on your desk?

Drew: I, I could be so creepy, I'm like, "I have a rat familiar!"

Ronnie: Ahh!

Drew: Like a little rat!

Jess: Aw! [laughs]

Ronnie: See, I was thinking about, about Zibyl being like super fond of cats.

Jess: Ha!

Drew: But I feel like the cat wouldn't be the small one.

Ronnie: No, probably not a tiny one, unless it was a tiny cat.

Drew: I could have a squirrel!

Ronnie: Can I run a couple proficiencies past Jess?

Drew: I don't have my proficiencies...

Jess: Yes. You can.

Ronnie: Uh, proficiency in telling whether or not food is good?

Jess: [laughs]

Ellie: Like poison detection?

Ronnie: It's like, yeah, it's like poison detection, but it's like, people are like "That looks bad," and then it's like, "No, you'll only just get mild diarrhea, it's fine."

Jess: Ha!

Drew: Yeah, but that would require you to know other peoples' makeup if you can tell what's going to affect them. I can see how it would affect you, but then you'd have to know like everyone else's biological makeup to know how it affects them.

Ronnie: Hmmm...

Ellie: It could be through observation.

Drew: Yeah, it could be through observation, I just meant like you can be that specific in that sense.

Ev: It is though a pretty like, I mean you could be that specific just because it might not be, like, THAT useful

[laughter]

Ev: Like in general, like it's a very specific thing, you know? It's not like it's an overpowered trait or something, y'know?

Ronnie: [laughs] It's true.

Jess: I mean, it might not even be poison detection, technically. Like you can't tell if it's poisoned, but man, those eggs in the back of your fridge? You should really throw them out.

[laughter]

Jess: Oh! No! You know what this is? Like, I think it's a magic thing. Like, I think some of the ratfolk have this weird, like, inborn useless magic and yours is like, it's not even like because you can smell good, it's 'cause... you have like, a sixth sense of whether food has gone bad or not.

Ronnie: [laughs]

Drew: I feel like that's probably gonna bite Earl in the butt because he's gonna look through something and he's gonna want to eat it, and you're gonna be like "That'll make you sick!" and Earl's gonna be like "Fuck you!" and then eat it, and then he's gonna get sick, and he's gonna be like [dramatic gravelly sick voice] "Euurgh, I'm not sick, I dunno what you're talking about! I'm gonna go away now..."

[laughter]

Jess: I also like the idea of like just being able to sense that food is rotten is just kind of really annoying. Like, there's like a constant anxious "Oh shit, in the back of that fridge, it's got someone else's name on it, someone else has labeled it, but there is mould growing up the inside of it, oh god."

[laughter]

Ronnie: Yes.

Ev: And yet, like a totally useful skill if you're a little rat child!

Ronnie: Yes! And so I'm thinking that, and sewing, and... the other thing is... is just like able to sprint for a long time.

Jess: Real hard.

Ronnie: Like compared to other people. Just because, having to run from shit constantly. [laughs]

Ev: And four legs!

Ronnie: And so, and so, if something goes bad, he's just like gone. Bye.

Drew: So we get three, um, three proficiencies right?

Jess: I think you do, yeah, I think everyone at this level has three proficiencies.

Ellie: I get four!

Jess: ...Fuck you, Ellie. [laughs]

Ellie: Aw, whatever. [laughs]

Ev: Do you really or is that...

Jess: Druids get four, and Paladins start, like if we'd started at level one you'd have only gotten two.

Ev: Yeah I'm annoyed. Goddamn it, I chose the wrong class. It's okay, I'm gonna fight the heck out of everybody! Just gimme a minute! [laughs]

Jess: Let us pray.

Drew: Um, okay so I've got knots, like, as one of my proficiencies.

Ev: Catch.

Drew: Well, slash rope. Um, I want leatherworking to be one of my other ones, and then cooking.

Jess: Good. Yeah. Done.

Ev: [laughs] Oh my goodness.

Jess: Okay. Outro! This has been Dicey Situations! I'm Jess.

Drew: I'm Drew!

Ev: I'm Avery.

Ellie: I'm Ellie!

Ronnie: And I'm Ronnie!

Drew: [sarcastic] No you're not!

Ellie: Breaking it down now!

Jess: No!

[laughter]

Jess: This has been a podcast about a game that's kind of being made as we play. We'll find out. It should be fun. See ya next week! [Makes clicking noises, probably while doing finger guns]

[Music fades in]

Drew: [laughs]

Jess: [shyly] Stop laughing.

Ellie: [singing] Ba ba ba, ba ba bada!

[Music continues, then fades out.]

Drew: But before we continue, is this, are these mechanics popular, or are they unpopular mechanics?

Jess: They are really, really unpopular. They've been bullied in the past.

Ronnie: Awwww!

Jess: You NERD. I'm gonna bully Drew!

Drew: [laughs] Bring it on!

Ev: [laughs]

[gretchensinister]

It’s Done

I just realized that percentage-wise, most of my followers might not know what I’m talking about. Well.

On April 24, 2013, I posted  Even Coal Has Value (North/Pitch), which was the fill for the first unfilled prompt in Round One of the Rise of the Guardians kinkmeme on Dreamwidth. This was the beginning of my quest to fill every unfilled prompt on that kinkmeme, no matter what.

And I did it. 

Yeah, I weaseled with the terms and the spirit of a few. Yeah, my preference for certain ships showed. And...I don’t care. I did it. I filled every unfilled prompt on that kinkmeme. So! Round One of the Rise of the Guardians kinkmeme? If there’s a prompt there, it has a fill. Put it in a memorial with any other filled kinkmemes, if there are any.

And I only ran afoul of the mods like, twice. (Both times after I had assumed the mods were long gone, lol.)

Stats!

4/24/2013-1/6/2017 = 3 years, 8 months, 13 days

Number of fics: 583

Number of words: 547,967

Average number of words per fic: ~940 

Median number of words per fic: 796 (this means that most fics were below the average word count)

I had no idea there were so many stories. I feel...sort of afraid of myself right now at the moment. I have to acknowledge that I’m a person who has written 583 short stories for this kinkmeme alone. (I didn’t include tumblr prompts or event weeks or things I just wrote for the hell of it in this number.) Who does that sort of thing? I did. 

I like to think I’ve gained some kind of additional skill in writing after doing all this. Lately, I sometimes felt that I hadn’t learned a thing and had somehow gotten worse after all this time, but in some ways I think that’s because I wasn’t giving myself a chance to write slowly. (I will now, though.) 

And, I’m sure as I start the re-read process to give top fives (or top tens for the big lists) in each ship, I will find that I’ve improved significantly over time (well, still, fingers crossed).

There’s a lot I could talk about regarding the kinkmeme prompts, but I only want to write a little, so if I seem to be talking at random, that’s why.

First of all: the RotG kinkmeme is wonderfully clear and organized, and incredibly polite. There’s some funky-ass prompts in there, but honestly I would recommend it to anyone wondering how a kinkmeme should look. 

Second of all: I noticed that prompts tended to come in waves. While that makes sense for the prompters (you see a prompt about one character, and you want to see something similar with a different character, so you make another prompt), sometimes it could really suck for me (there was a cluster of self-harm prompts; that wasn’t a fun week). I was going to say that sometimes it could be fun, but, no, the only thing about prompt clusters that was fun was that sometimes I made up AUs in frustration at having to rehash the same darn thing.

(I love AUs. I’m going to make a post with the top five kinkmeme-original AUs.)

Third of all: HOLY SHITTING FUCK I swear that I found more prompts for “Jack is super upset about having died” than anything, ANYTHING else. It was at a point where I would have rather seen prompts for the creepy flavor of blackice rather than another “um why didn’t jack break down when he realized he lost his family and also is dead b/c you kno he’s really just a emotional teenager” prompt. These were also the most similar prompts to each other. And almost none of them were filled, and you know why? Because this is not that interesting of a topic, especially when Jack isn’t dead in any meaningful way, and he’s THREE HUNDRED YEARS OLD. THREE HUNDRED. YEARS. OLD. (BTW, I have now developed a creep-out reaction to the epithet “the boy” when referring to Jack. I know that it wasn’t one person doing this but as a fandom habit it now makes me wince.) Um....anyway. I know I’m kind of being a jerk here. I just got so sick of these prompts. Maybe another part of it was because they were rarely detailed? Which meant that I had to come up with everything that Jack felt, and some reason he would be upset that was new and different from the time before, and etc. And I just...Jack is three hundred years old. He knows how long people live. And I don’t think thirty seconds of memory infusion is the same as living a life with a family and then losing them. 

Fourth-whatever of all: Pitch is not that dignified, people. He wants to be, but he’s not. He’s a (scary) pun-lord in a robe. Also, if you have a group prompt and leave out Sandy, I’m going to include him anyway, and I will also FIND YOU. Also, I’ve watched RotG a lot, and where does sugar-high “lol random” Jack come from? Is he hiding in the same place with the Guardians that treat him as a child rather than an equal? Also...actually never mind, I’ll talk about assumed power dynamics/sex positions somewhere else. Also, I still don’t know anything about Australian slang and that’s probably for the best. Also, I’m still not clear what a “snark-off” is, and I’m sure I never wrote one, no matter how many bonus internet points it would have got me. Also, I have read the word “cue” too many times in my life now, and I need to replace it with something else. Maybe, like, BEHOLD. Or something.

Anyway. I don’t want to sound so grumpy. I’m thrilled to have completed this project, and I enjoyed the vast majority of the writing. There are a lot of fics in this project that I’m proud of, and there are a lot of seeds for future projects in all these fills, as well.

But I think I might...(547,967)...take a...(583)...(3 years, 8 months, 13 days)...short break.

But first!

The Shortest Fill

The Top Ten Longest Fills (there’s a lot of variety here, and they might not be what you think):

Ten

Nine

Eight

Seven

Six

Five

Four

Three

Two

ONE (Yes, this is the biggest fill...and...well. *cackling*)

[vinyloftheyear-blog]

Vinyl of the Year 2016

It’s finally here! And because I basically had to do one mega-review of every album I listened to in 2016, it’s very long too, culminating in a top-10 album countdown. This post is gonna start with an essay-style discussion of every album that isn’t in my top 10, followed by the countdown (number 1 of course also being the VotY). So, without further introduction, here’s a huge review of the music I listened to in 2016.

The image above is in order of release date. Unfortunately, 26 isn’t a great number for an even grid, and tumblr might mess with the image quality, so you can see a bigger, better version of the list here.

There are a few things to note about the discussion’s formatting before I actually get into it: 1) The albums aren’t in any particular order, just what made sense to write about next, but 2) the album titles are in bold so you can skip to them easier if you just care about some of them, and 3) they’re all links you can click to listen to the album via YouTube, or Google Play Music if there wasn’t a good YT link.

Here we go.

There were a few albums that came out early in the year that were good, but didn’t blow me away. Daughter’s sophomore LP Not to Disappear was great, bringing with it all the dark ambience I love from their music as expected, there just wasn’t much about it that stood out. A few songs sound in line with the quality that If You Leave has more of (Numbers, Mothers, and Made of Stone off the top of my head), but the rest was just forgettable. I tried to jump on the Animal Collective hype train as well once their album Painting With got released, but as I probably should have expected after disliking Merriweather Post Pavilion for the most part I just didn’t enjoy listening to it much. (That being said, FloriDada is fun and beachy and catchy as hell.) I gave the group’s style one more try with Deakin’s solo record Sleep Cycle, which has its pretty moments—namely the Pink Floyd-esque tune Golden Chords—but now I’m certain that they aren’t my style. The same went for James Blake’s record The Colour In Anything: I see the appeal in Blake’s lovely voice and the simple-yet-moving production, but the album just doesn’t vibe with me.

There were also a couple of rap albums that I appreciated more than I liked. Atrocity Exhibition, for one, was my first taste of Danny Brown on his own, and I thought it was good but not amazing. Amid some real bangers like Really Doe and Ain’t It Funny were songs I wasn’t sure what to make of, and not yet being totally used to Danny’s voice didn’t help much. This was my first listen to Danny Brown on his own, so I can’t really speak much for how much he or his music has evolved from previous albums, but if other music critics are trustworthy then it’s a solid improvement, and I respect that. I also respect A Tribe Called Quest for coming back with their last album as a full group, We Got It From Here… Thank You 4 Your Service, in the wake of Phife Dawg’s unfortunate passing. Their style stays true as ever, the album has tons of modern and classic features, from Busta Rhymes to Kendrick Lamar to Jack White of all people, and the subject matter is tied strongly to the current events of the past year, and for all of that I think it’s a great album—I’m just way too new to Tribe and the time their music was steeped in, so their album wasn’t a personal favorite.

Of course, there were other big 2016 hip-hop releases that I liked more. I’ll talk about most of them a bit later, but one particular album made waves even several weeks prior to its release (when, fittingly, Waves was its working title): How could I not mention Kanye West’s The Life of Pablo? The hip-hop legend dropped this mishmosh of a record to critical acclaim, and I try not to use that term too negatively: West himself said the album is “a living, breathing, changing creative expression,” so I don’t fault him for leaving some breathing room in terms of production. There are some real standalone hits that stand out, of course; Ultralight Beam, No More Parties in LA, and the hilariously self-aware I Love Kanye are all fantastic in their own right. However, there are also many clear areas across the record that sound like they belong on the cutting room floor from one of Kanye’s previous albums—but that’s just what makes this album great. Whereas most notable albums these days are more cohesive, this album knits itself together more like a quilt: Very far from seamless, but that makes the effort and care that went into making it much more visible. Because of that, the album was a tough contender to the number 10 spot on my list.

Another close contender to the top ten this year was Glass Animals’ groovy album How to Be a Human Being. In previous albums they sounded samey to me, each song not deviating too much from the last one, but the band definitely seems to have fixed that with this record. Songs are backed with everything from video game sound effects to dreamy ambient synths to heavily distorted drums, and they’re all mixed really well with the trademark breathy vocals and wide scope of sounds. My favorite example of this on the album by far has got to be The Other Side Of Paradise, with stop-start synths that stick in your skull till sunrise—alliteration aside, I can’t listen to this song and not move to it, and it’s definitely one of my favorite tracks to come out this year. A good few of the tracks on How to Be a Human Being still sound way too similar though, and there’s lots of repetition within songs—for most of the tracks, you’ve heard it all after the first minute or so—but I commend Glass Animals for making their music more dynamic and hope that trend continues.

In the more EDM-influenced pop world, we saw two EP releases from the duo Lemaitre this year, 1749 and Afterglow. Both EPs show a huge improvement in Lemaitre’s mixing and composition talents from their Relativity EP series, but Afterglow was a bit less interesting than 1749 in terms of song diversity and uniqueness. Not Too Late remains my favorite track by this group, and with it Lemaitre really made themselves worth following as more than just nightclub fodder, but Afterglow seems to slip back into that mold a bit—albeit still being wonderfully composed and a delight to listen to, whether dancing in the club or sitting in bed.

On the flip side of the pop releases this year, there were a couple groups that decided to get funkier in 2016, as most pop seems to be doing these days (I blame Daft Punk and Bruno Mars): Namely, I’m thinking of Two Door Cinema Club’s Gameshow and STRFKR’s Being No One, Going Nowhere. These albums are far from bad, but the shift in sound they went with didn’t improve them much, and actually made them slightly worse just by sacrificing some of their uniqueness as a group to pursue the mainstream sound. Both records were interesting blends of funk elements with each group’s signature style, Two Door bringing their quick-guitar-riff driven rock and STRFKR using various catchy synth rhythms. While Gameshow sounds more like a watering-down of Two Door’s punchier sound to make room for a groove, STRFKR’s album is still an improvement from 2013’s Miracle Mile, when the group first started to experiment with adding a groove to their music. Being No One is certainly more seamless and even harkens back to their much earlier work in its tone, even using voice samples like they used to. If Gameshow becomes Two Door Cinema Club’s Miracle Mile, insofar as being a transition to a cleaner, more characteristic funky album later, then I understand its necessity and welcome their fourth record with open ears.

A few new names also appeared on my radar this year, these two with albums that are rock-oriented, and have well-written themes about growing up. Car Seat Headrest and their album Teens of Denial rocketed the small bandcamp group to stardom this past year, with dense, meaningful lyrics about the transition into adulthood and an accessible garage-rock style. I’ll admit that if I listened to this album more it very well may have ended up on the top ten, but unfortunately I didn’t get around to reading more into it. I fell into a similar situation with Mitski’s record Puberty 2, which had to do more with the teenage years themselves, lyrically focusing on the angst and anxiety that riddle them. This album was also a highly acclaimed one with many layers of meaning and depth, and one I also thought was just okay because I hadn’t listened to it more. I certainly won’t make the same mistake the next time either of these artists release an album (or with any album of note in 2017, for that matter).

Looking back, there were a lot of albums released this year that were incredibly relevant to the events of 2016 that were praised for being beautiful artistic expressions of a year that not a lot of people liked. As well as the aforementioned A Tribe Called Quest album, Solange’s A Seat at the Table was one of the most critically acclaimed examples of this, and I can hear why—the messages of black pride come through the pleasant and well-composed R&B songs on the album and the candid spoken intermissions between them, and playing the two off of each other really makes this album a unique take on what it means to be a black woman in today’s society (which is a phrase you may be tired of hearing verbatim by now if you’ve been reading about this album, but there isn’t a much better way to put it). 2016 will also be remembered for its numerous unfortunate celebrity deaths, beginning in earnest with David Bowie just two days after his swan-song of an album, Blackstar. He knew he wasn’t long for this world at the time, and you can hear that throughout the record (you don’t need much more proof of this than “Look up here, I’m in heaven”), and sad though it is, it shows Bowie’s amazing creative potential one last time. Last January I saw someone I don’t know on Twitter sum this up perfectly by saying “Bowie stared death in the face and thought ‘I can use this’”. In that way this album also seems to represent 2016 as the forced transition away from old times, saying goodbye to the classic, groundbreaking, and nostalgic works and their artists—in any medium—that brought us to this point, in favor of looking to the future and making a mark for this generation.

And now, onto the top 10!

10. JANK - Versace Summer

The best way I’ve found to describe JANK to someone in an X-meets-Y style is that they’ve got the lyrics and tone of an emo garage band, but with the intricate guitar work and immense overall talent of an early Modest Mouse. The more I listen to this album, the more little instrumental details I catch: every little guitar or drum fill, and just how much the tempo and dynamics change within and between songs is so impressive that you’d think that the songs would be about something more complicated than, say, a bicycle named Ralph—but it doesn’t even matter, because JANK pulls you into their mood until you’re singing every word regardless. And even still, a good number of their songs can really hit heavy—like that song about a bicycle named Ralph. Even Gucci Spring, the one out-of-place song on the album, is a chill tune with great composition. I really hope JANK keeps dropping albums—hell, as long as they keep releasing music, I’ll never feel older than sixteen and love it.

Favorite Tracks: Chunks (kool enuff), This is a Song About my Bike “Ralph” and it’s Called “Ralph”, #freesam

9. Noname - Telefone

Noname first made a name for herself through features on Chance the Rapper’s albums, but this mixtape marks her first solo venture, and it is one hell of an album. Telefone has got to be the calmest and kindest-sounding rap album I’ve ever heard, if only because of the lovely, smooth keyboard backs, but there’s so much more. All the singing is so well-mixed and pretty, and the rap verses aren’t too loud or aggressive; in a way, in lends them even more honesty—which makes the realer, darker songs about Noname’s life in the Chicago hood even more deep-cutting. Even still the album holds its optimism: the laments of the album are surrounded by a resoundingly positive attitude, smiling in the face of any obstacle. On top of that, the lyrics flow well with the music and have universal meaning behind them in just about every song, covering all the ups and downs that connect Noname and her Chi-town community. A hip-hop/R&B album like this is as pleasant as a surprise phone call from a loved one, and I can’t wait to hear another one from Noname.

Favorite Tracks: Diddy Bop, Reality Check, Forever

8. Kendrick Lamar - untitled unmastered.

“EVEN THE B-SIDES!” cried the Kendrick fans in praise on all the hip-hop messageboards online circa March, and boy were they right. This is an album purely of live-only tracks, scraps, and B-sides from Kendrick’s previous masterpiece To Pimp A Butterfly, and it’s still just as genius and fantastic as anything he’s done before. What continues to blow me away with Kendrick’s work is his sound design: he uses so many different sounds, tones, voices, and effects in every single track he makes, and still puts it all together masterfully. Even within one song, Kendrick throws three different inflections on his own voice and uses each one to manipulate his flow—and that’s about average for this record. Don’t let the fact escape you that these songs were rejected from being published until now; one of the best rap albums to come out this year was picked up and dusted off from the studio floor. That alone should tell you what kind of talent Kendrick has, and why he’s considered one of the greatest rappers of this generation.

Favorite Tracks: untitled 02, untitled 03, untitled 07

7. Chance the Rapper - Coloring Book

If Noname is the girl keeping her block optimistic with Telefone, Chance is the older brother that takes that to the entire city.  It means a lot to be the second-biggest name in Chicago rap and Chance knows that, counting his blessings very explicitly on this record and letting everyone hear. Even this album has its down moments, mostly more somber tunes about Chance and his friends growing up and changing, but he uses a gospel choir and religious themes to keep the smile on his and any listeners’ faces. There have been some critiques of the mixing on this record, and I won’t deny that it’s a bit out of wack, but it’s nothing that makes the album even remotely unlistenable or dilutes its messages (and sure, All We Got is a bit of a shitshow, but I blame Kanye for that). All of the features are great too, and they run the gamut from gospel artist and choir director Kirk Franklin to Lil fucking Yachty. Overall in Coloring Book, Chance’s optimism and pride for himself and his city are contagious, and it makes me smile every time I listen to this record.

Favorite Tracks: Same Drugs, Angels, How Great

6. Run the Jewels - Run the Jewels 3

It’s a Christmas fucking miracle! RTJ dropped this album early online for the holiday, and at the last minute it made my top ten. Run the Jewels 2 was damn fantastic, and this awesome dynamic duo of hip-hop just keep getting better. El-P and Killer Mike bring even more trademark establishment-hatred and adrenaline-pumping arrogance with their latest installment, and they really sound like they’ve found their groove with this record. The proof is everywhere, from the production from El that’s more vivid and diverse than anything he’s made before, to the opinions of a pissed-off generation of millenials that fuel their lyrics, even down to the dynamics in their tone of voice. And as if it weren’t enough to improve on their style, RTJ even included a few tracks that are strong shifts in tone: Instead of their usual middle-fingers-up attitude to society, they rap some verses that sound just like shock and disbelief for how events turned out, even getting sentimental with the surprisingly personal Thursday in the Danger Room, which is equal parts banger and mournful tribute that cuts deep. I think that’s a feeling we all shared in 2016, a year where we needed voices like El’s and Mike’s to keep us strong and angry enough to do something about it—and they couldn’t have delivered more perfectly.

Favorite Tracks: Talk to Me, Hey Kids (Bumaye), Thursday in the Danger Room

5. clipping. - Splendor & Misery

Four words: Experimental space rap opera. Still interested? I didn’t think I was when this album first came around. As mentioned in this album’s Pitchfork review, I was surprised that clipping, now much closer to the spotlight after Daveed Diggs’s famous role as Lafayette/Jefferson in the hip-hop musical Hamilton, would use this opportunity to push something so bold and unique instead of an album full of experimental bangers like their last album CLPPNG was. But the more I listened, the more I thought it was the right move. Diggs and his crew bring their creativity to somewhere no artist has ventured before—an epic tale of a slave mutineer taking over a spaceship and flying it past war-torn planets in search of a new home. And while this album doesn’t have as many standalone hits (as it really shouldn’t), the incredible talent Diggs has for storytelling is brought to new frontiers in character development and worldbuilding (seriously, I get chills when he transitions from African world-shaping mythos to the human idols that moonwalk). From the cold, spacey production to the delightfully abstract storytelling this album brings, Splendor & Misery is my favorite narrative album since The Antlers’ Hospice, and a welcome twist to contemporary rap.

Favorite Tracks: All Black, True Believer, Air ‘Em Out

4. Childish Gambino - “Awaken, My Love!”

Speaking of twists in rap, how could you go much further than not rapping at all? Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino has gone from internet sketch comedy to writing for TV to acting on TV to doing stand-up comedy to dropping hip-hop albums to making his own (now Golden Globe-winning) TV show, and this album marks yet another sharp turn in his career to releasing an album of pure funk and R&B—and while other critics (and a few of my friends) aren’t so sure about this one, I enjoy every song on it. Across the record Gambino runs the full gamut of classic funk and soul styles, and on each one he distorts his voice differently to fit the song—belting passionate cries in one tune and pitched-up soulful melodies in another. Even California, the most-debated song on this record, lends itself some praise for being a catchy abstraction of Jawaiian reggae. If there’s any way to compare this with his previous records, it’s with production and instrumentation, and both seem vastly improved and expanded upon—really, my only gripe with this album is how poorly it’s mixed in some areas. If Gambino sticks with this funky pursuit for at least another album to iron out its few problems, though, we could see a real masterpiece in the future. Other artists that dabbled in funk this year should take note: sometimes it’s better to dive in headfirst.

Favorite Tracks: Me and Your Mama, Zombies, Redbone

3. Bon Iver - 22, A Million

Bon Iver has made a name for themselves over the past decade or so with their ambient, snowy-cabin music (including the hit Skinny Love) and features on Kanye West songs, and the three records they released before this one are all beautifully gentle explorations of abstractly-mixed soundscapes—but this record transcends that in favor of something almost completely different. Inspired in part by group founder Justin Vernon’s battles with personal and existential loneliness while recording it, 22, A Million shifts gears suddenly to a dirty, sample-based, electronic sound that is disorienting at first to say the least. It ranges from uncanny-valley distortions of otherwise mellow acoustic songs to broken percussion-heavy tracks, with lyrics full of half-phrases and made-up words—and while the details are incoherent, the way they’re put together results in a strange electronic recreation of Vernon’s signature calm, somber tone. The devil is in the details on this record, so to speak, and just how much there is worth discussing is impressive—like the amazing voice layering in 8 (circle), or the psalm sample in 33 “GOD”, or those chilling few seconds near the end of 29 #Strafford APTS. It’s a very postmodern album, all told, opting for the expression of raw stream-of-consciousness instead of being more explicit, and like many postmodern works, it can be analyzed from so many different angles and parsed to convey so many different ideas. 22, A Million is the kind of album that belongs in an art museum, and I’m so glad a record so unique, deep, and beautiful exists.

Favorite Tracks: 715 - CRΣΣKS, 29 #Strafford APTS, 8 (circle)

2. Anderson .Paak - Malibu

This album was the first I’d heard of Anderson .Paak like many other people this year, but after listening to this album I feel like I know him like a family member. On this album, Anderson celebrates himself and overcoming his difficult past with contagious honesty and confidence on top of beautifully-produced tracks that range from soulful R&B beats to dance-floor grooves. The wide range of instruments, effects, and beats applied on this record are all mixed seamlessly, and even the samples from old surfing movies between most songs carry the album’s tone beautifully while holding up the songs’ themes. It’d be good enough if it was just pretty, but it’s also by far the most personal and intimate album of 2016. In addition to offering his signature take on more classic R&B, taking after his own inspirations and revamping them for the present, Anderson sings and raps verses about his childhood, family, career, and relationships that are all equal parts candid autobiography and inspiring motivation. In a way, the combination goes so far as to put you into Anderson’s life story and create a potent sort of nostalgia for it: you’re where he was decades ago, letting the music on the record player push you to rise above the not-so-good situation you might have at home. And in that way, Anderson celebrates you, too, and you just can’t stop grinning.

Favorite Tracks: The Waters, The Season | Carry Me, Come Down

1, and the 2016 Vinyl of the Year:

The Avalanches - Wildflower

I’m not even sure where to begin with this freaking fantastic album. When I first listened to Wildflower, it was being raved about online, so I figured I’d see what the hype was about, in bed, with my laptop speakers. I didn’t want to leave that spot for the next hour as I listened—I even delayed plans I had made just to finish it. In a single word, this album is immersive, and there has been no other record that pulls me into the environment and atmosphere that it creates like Wildflower does. The hundreds, maybe thousands, of 1960’s samples that The Avalanches mixed together brilliantly instill an indirect but pure nostalgia for America in a unique and strange era, with a fantastic demonstration of show-don’t-tell and utilizing tone and instruments more than words—more blatantly, it’s at number one because it does artificial nostalgia better than Malibu and conveying raw feeling better than 22, A Million. Even the several excellent rap features don’t ruin the immersion, despite rap not being a thing back then: it’s almost like being at an alternate Woodstock with a more modern lineup of acts. The sheer amount of detail in the sound design is the key to how captivating Wildflower is: all of the samples that are used as background noise and sound effects take you to a different place and time for practically each song. That also makes this album excellent travel music: regardless of where you’re going or what you’re doing, you feel like you’re on summer break from school, having fun in the sun and enjoying the psychedelic era to its fullest. In several ways the current time parallels that one—a silent majority resulted in a publicly-disfavored president and a young counter-establishment attitude, and civil rights movements and vinyl record sales are making a nationwide resurgence, to name a couple—and whether by design or coincidence this album runs with that perfectly. It’s both here and there, in 2016 and 1966, within and without, a celebration of the moment as much as it can be an escape from it, and there’s just no other music quite like it. For all of these reasons, Wildflower is my Vinyl of the Year for 2016. 

Favorite Tracks: Because I’m Me, Frankie Sinatra, Kaleidoscopic Lovers

A quick post-script

In a little while I’ll update the blog theme from Currents to Wildflower. Looking back, I’m surprised how much hip-hop showed up in the top 10. It wasn’t really until this year that I began to follow it more actively, and it’s quickly become one of my favorite genres--if I can even put the music I like into genres these days, anyway. 

2016 has been a great year for music, but 2017 could easily top it: we’ve got anticipated/potential albums from The xx (who already released theirs), Fleet Foxes, The Shins, Portugal. The Man, The National, Arcade Fire, and many more brand-new artists to discover. I’ll be reviewing albums as I listen to them this year, so future VotY posts won’t be this huge, and you can keep up with VotY more regularly. I hope 2016 was a great year in music for you, too, and that 2017 proves to be even better!

Thanks for reading, and happy listening!