#thank you for this you're a fucking gem

[daisynik7]

You asked for it

Geto eating you out from the back whilst gojo makin you gag on his cock. You’re their best friend and yk went clubbing as friends do which landed you in this situation.

Love you sm 🫶🫶

[ratatatastic]

"Who's idea was it to put the cone on your head for the parade? Was that all you?" "Zach Eisenberg [Director, Executive Operations]—I think is his name—he takes care of us a lot at Amerant Bank Arena. I don't know his exact role with the team but he's just kind-of always around, and helps us out. He's friends with Brooks [Koepka.] I think he helps Brooks when he comes to the games. Anyways he found a pylon or I think I might have told him—I was pretty drunk at the time but I think I told him to go get a py—'if you could find a pylon, find one!' 'Cuz they sprung that speech on me, kind-of, last second, you know, five minutes before I was supposed to go up there. I'm like, 'What the fuck am I gonna say?' So I had him go grab the pylon and I grabbed it on the side of the stage right before I was gonna do my speech. And luckily all the clips are of that, you know, me telling him to go fuck himself... 'cuz the rest of my speech was terrible. There's really nothing to it! And I'm so happy that, you know, all the clips are only of that so!" "Yeah, we didn't know you said anything else! I thought that was the entire speech!" "That's all that matters!" "Exactly, exactly! I got away with it there!"

The Cam & Strick Podcast | 7.30.24 (x)

i love finding out they basically told ekky he was gonna have to do a whole speech 5 minutes before he was up while hes been drenched from rainwater and alcohol for like the past 6 hours absolutely pissed out of his mind like yeah no wonder his speech basically culminated to THANK YOU SOUTH FLORIDA AND ALSO GIVE IT UP FOR MY D PARTNER WOOOOO yeah that tracks

"But what golf tournament* were you at shortly after that? Somebody was dressed like a cone? Was that Lomberg who was dressed in like a costume? A cone costume?" "He came—Brooks came up to you—" "No, that was his buddy, that was his buddy. He was actually a Sunrise police officer. I actually saw him last night at the Zach Bryan concert! But yeah, no, that's one of his buddies. No, he was completely put to bed the day after. Right? Like he texted me—I personally didn't care, like, how many people at a hockey game are calling me a cone and telling Barkov he's got no hands like it's—you know, that's hockey. That's sports, right? So I didn't give a shit but—yeah, no, it was all in good fun. And then I got a way to get him back! It's perfect!" "But when you did see the first video of him in the box—and I remember watching that, I'm like, 'this motherfucker is rolling esctasy!' His eyes were fuckin' gigantic, he's like, 'Aaargghh.' Like, 'I can't take him, he's calling me a cone! I can't—' But that is kind-of odd that a professional athlete is gonna call you a cone and he's like a fan of yours...it's just—it was really bizarre!" "Goofy!" "Yeah..." "And his eyes were black which, you know..." "What does that mean?" "I just know what that means... and he was fucked up, you know..." "Yeah, yeah! He was definitely fucked up and he agreed that he was fucked up. And he apologised so I didn't care, obviously. And then when I was at that golf event I should've thrown a beer at his backswing or something—at the LIV event when he was actually competing? I should've fucked with him but I couldn't do it... I couldn't—I couldn't find the courage to throw something at him..." "So did he reach out to you like that night? And say, 'Hey, dude... I was just joking, you know...'" "'I took some pills and...'"

*2023 LIV Golf Team Championship (Miami) held from Oct. 20-22 in Doral

[and i suppose more context here lombo and koepka are friends and he even showed up to his cupday when he went golfing in parkland and not to mention that lombo facilitated koepka apologising to ekky so its why the whole cone costume came to be really]

theres a lot more context about this incident and the ensuing storm after it so for archival sakes here are articles about it (x)(x)(x)(x)(x) because its quite a saga but its water under the bridge and there's only so much tabloid-esque coverage thats been reignited after the ekky speech i can take about an athlete who's dumb enough to insult another guy while hes drunk off as his ass in a fucking public setting

but anyways i think its really funny that i said to myself wow thats an oddly petty thing to admit to you know the whole wanting to throw a beer at his backswing ekky... for such a good vibes sweet man who like the only thing youve particularly said about the cone novella is "we'll never be buddies" to which you quickly retracted and then went "holding ill will against somebody and pulling negativity in your body is never a good thing"

and then i remembered who he attended the liv event with and it all made sense

behind every aqua whos being a little mean there is a much worse much more evil looming presence who is encouraging them down this dark path (a gem but especially a june gem)

truly a tale as old as time

[makeyoumine69]

i would love to see more jealous patrick ❤️😫

Hello, dear anon!💗

Ohhh, jealous Patrick is a thing!

In the middle of dinner with Bateman's family in Dorsia, the reservation Patrick had been trying to get all week, you needed a moment to powder your nose. On your way back to your table, you were playing with the ring Patrick had gifted you a week ago—a huge gem shone on it whenever you rolled it between your fingers—but when you were distracted by the waiter, you accidentally dropped the ring, and if the stranger hadn't caught it, it would have rolled across the floor to God only knew where.

"Oh, thank you so much!" You beamed and smiled as the unfamiliar but handsome man returned the ring.

"It's nothing, really." He replied, examining you curiously from head to toe.

Such attention made you embarrassed, but then you felt a burning sensation between your shoulders. When you turned around, you locked your confused gaze with Bateman's, his hazel eyes piercing through yours like sharp daggers.

"Uh, thanks again! But I have to go!" With these words you walked away from the stranger before he could tell you something else.

Sheepishly you approached the table where Patrick, his parents and his brother Sean with his date were waiting for you. And even though Bateman's face was devoid of emotion, the moment you took your seat, his large palm found its way to your inner thigh in the blink of an eye.

"So, who was that guy?" He whispered in your ear, leaning closer so only you could hear. "And why was he touching you?"

You let out a shaky breath and smiled politely over Mrs. Bateman's comment that she was glad you were finally back. "What?" You asked bewilderedly without looking at the man next to you. "I just dropped my ring."

"You dropped the ring?" Patrick almost chuckled, his hand diving deeper between your legs under the table, forcing you to grab it to keep him from going any further. "Forgot how to wear a ring, sunshine?" The man took the opportunity to nip at your neck while everyone at the table was busy with each other. "When we get home, I'll remind you… I'll remind you of everything."

His skillful fingers reached beneath your skirt no matter how hard you tried to stop them. Now, they were brazenly playing with the lace of your panties and perfectly hiding beneath the soft material of your dress.

"Patrick," you gasped, gripping the table to stifle a moan as Bateman pressed his thumb against your blushing clit. "Please," your pathetic pleas only brought a broad grin to his smug face. "Stop."

And then Patrick's mother asked you a question you couldn't even hear as your whole body was focused on the rising tension in your lower abdomen as the man was relentless in his intentions to work you up.

"Excuse me…could you please repeat your question? You asked, completely awkward.

Patrick smirked arrogantly and leaned back in his chair. "She asked if you liked the food," he muttered mockingly, before shoving his two digits into your oozing pussy. "Believe me, Mother, she is enjoying the evening. Am I right, honey?"

Paralyzed, you were about to explode at how shamelessly Bateman was behaving, literally fingering you in front of his family. Biting your lower lip for a second, you tried to take a sip of mineral water, but the man wouldn't let you as he intensified his ministrations, curling his fingers to stimulate that spongy spot inside you that made you grip the surface of the table once again.

"Yes…everything is perfect," you managed to blurt out, sensing the cool metal of his Rolex gliding along your hot skin, the contrast only heightening the pleasure. "Thank you, Patrick."

"You're welcome, darling," the man chirped, leaning closer to peck your cheek in an affectionate, pretending way, only to purr into your ear. "Tonight I'm gonna fuck you so hard you won't even remember your own name." And with that, Bateman sat back, looking cheeky as ever, as he felt your inner walls contracting around his fingers once he began to rub your little bud with his thumb.

Mrs. Bateman couldn't help but smile. "Oh, you two are so adorable! Such a loving couple."

With a soft chuckle, Patrick grinned in pure delight. "Thank you. We really are."

Bastard.

[captainreecejames]

Fired by a... wag? || my ex is a footballer lh44

summary mercedes admin gets fired?

pairing lewis hamilton x reader faceclaim bruna marquezine

warnings curisng, google translate for multiple different languages

notes the much anticipated part 2 to lewis hamilton my ex is a footballer, also i couldn't resist at the end so if brocedes talk to eachother this season just know i predict the future

twitter ---------

ynusername posted--------

liked by pierregasly, charles_leclerc and others

ynusername first 3 are canadian gp and the last is lewis catching me off guard as I'm on the phone

load more comments

username1 I just know she's on the phone with toto complaining about the admin ↳ username2 the power she holds >>>

roscoelovescoco moms protectings dad ❤️ by ynusername

username3 lewis confirming that yn was yelling at toto via roscoe's instagram, not what I was expecting.

username4 god she is actually the most stunning woman in the world

lewishamilton meu anjo ↳ ynusername eu te amo

username5 the aura in the first picture, unmatched ↳ username6 yeah, but she's also just really fucking hot ↳ username5 lewishamilton can you fight ↳ lewishamilton yes ↳ username6 LOLOLOL

carmenmmundt linda!!! ↳ ynusername no you

username7 why does she look like kendall jenner in the last photo

username8 fan's creating beef between lewis and george meanwhile their wags are calling each other beautiful ↳ username9 the guys leave it on the track, why would carmen and YN need to bring it up on instagram comments

twitter -------

ynusername posted--------

liked by carmenmmundt, georgerussell63 and others

ynusername lewis I know I've only known you for a few months and you've accomplished so much before but to see you on the podium knowing how much work you put into this is awe inspiring. Hope you always know how loved you are

load more comments

lewishamilton I love you yn

lewishamilton these last two months have been amazing and your support through this time means so much to me. I wouldn't want to be here without you

username10 bro i can barely get a text back after 2 months and they're over here telling each other they love you

username11 don't you guys think it's a little fast ↳ username12 don't you think it's none of your business

username13 I know she sent the sabotage email, she really is ride or die for him.

alexandrasaintmleux can't wait to have you in the ferrari garage next year! ❤️ by charles_leclerc ↳ username14 CHARLES WHEN SILVIA SEES THIS YOU ARE GETTING YOUR PHONE TAKEN AWAY ↳ ynusername eu te amo alex

ynusername posted--------

liked by mercedesamgf1, roscoelovescoco and others

ynusername to see you finally on that top step of the podium in Brazil, lewis I don't think you understand how much I love and cherish you. With this season almost done I am so grateful for everything that brought me you and I can't wait to start out next chapter together.

load more comments

sebastianvettel congrats you two ❤️ by ynusername, lewishamilton

charles_leclerc congrats happy couple ❤️ by ynusername, lewishamilton

username20 I'm fucking screaming, what???

username21 imagine a year ago you told yn fans that she'd be engaged, we would have said thank go kylian got his head out of his ass ↳ username22 bro it hasn't even been a year since they broke up ↳ username21 yn knew what she wanted

useranme23 lewis really bagged himself a baddie

mercedesamgf1 congratulations to both! hope admin gets an invite to the party ↳ ynusername of course you do adminuser, you're a gem ↳ adminuser omg love you so much yn

scuderiaferrari can't wait to see yn ln-hamilton in the garage next year ↳ username24 ferrari just rubbing it in that they get the goat next year, have to respect the hustle

scuderiaferrari yn do we also get an invite ↳ ynusername stay on my good side babe ↳ scuderiaferrari we promise to always have amarena gelato in stock ↳ ynusername sold 😍😘

username25 further proof that yn got the old mercedes admin fired because why are the admin's getting invited to the wedding??

maxverstappen1 gefeliciteerd voor jullie allebei ❤️ by lewishamilton, ynusername

pierregasly félicitations à toi ❤️ by lewishamilton, ynusername

valterribottas happy couple !!! ↳ ynusername valterri, it's yn. thank you! 💞 ↳ valterribottas 🙄🙄

georgerussell63 congratulations lewis and yn! ↳ carmenmmundt we love you ❤️ by ynusername, lewishamilton

fernandoalo_oficial felicidades a los dos ❤️ by ynusername, lewishamilton

nicorosberg congratulations yn and lewis! much love to you both ❤️ by ynusername, lewishamilton ↳ lewishamilton thanks nico ↳ username26 NICO???! ↳ username27 ENGAGEMENT SO GOOD IT GOT BROCEDES BACK TOGETHER

[alwaysshallow]

how would simon act around higher!ranked reader and reader is at a military ball… with no partner?

oh god........... oh my fucking god???? BRILLIANT higher!ranked reader and ghost....oh

It's hard to not look at you.

Gaz is nudging him playfully that he's drooling; Simon has none of it, he ignores everything but you. You look like an angel – maybe that's him being charmed with your beauty, but it's something that he truly believes in. You're a dream to catch.

"Do you mind?" he asks, when he extends his arm to you; with a polite smile, you take it. His heart does a little jump, but he acts like it didn't affect him at all. He leads you through the crowd to get something to drink. "Without company?"

He wants to rip your husband apart, when he sees how you clear your throat before answering; it's his responsibility to show up, you're a colonel, and this is a ball for military and friends. The duality of this situation is funny; he's pissed at your husband, but also thankful – because of his decision, he gets to be closer to you.

"Without." you say, and the answer isn't really surprising him. You don't want to talk to anyone about your husband if it's something you don't like about him, Simon noticed. He notices everything. "But that's okay. He had things to do."

Watching the same program all over again, or banging his secretary? Simon asks himself, but doesn't say anything out loud. He just nods, and you seem to appreciate it.

It takes you a few drinks to loosen up, and he's happy to see it.

"He should treat you like a gem you are." it slips out of his lips before he knows it. Yet, it's not something he regrets; it's pure truth, and Simon Riley is known for being blunt.

You blush, and he wants to kiss you immediately. "That's a exaggeration." you whisper, touching his hand with your fingers. Calloused like his, but so delicate. You take care of your hands, he saw your balsams and such. He thinks, no, he knows he'd let you do it for him too. Take care of him.

In exchange, he'd allow himself take care of you even more.

"I assure, 's not." he lowers his tone too, giving a quick glance around; just to be safe, but no one pays attention around you two. He leans a bit closer to you, his lips close enough to your ear for you to hear every word he whispers. "I'd treat you better. Much better."

It takes all freewill to not kiss you right here, right now. All he allows himself is a little kiss next to your ear, and he straightens his back, like nothing happened.

His glistening, dark brown eyes and your red cheeks are the only evidence that something happened here.

And oh, how he wish that something else would happen.

[insertdisc5]

Hey, I've been trying to figure this out for awhile now- Two playthroughs and I still don't have it down. I've been trying to write a small fic for ISAT, a friend recommended it to me and I now hold it very near and dear to my heart, so accuracy and characters "feeling like themselves" is something I find very important for my own writing. Unfortunately I am also very autistic Let me get to the point actually- How do you use expletives? Where, when, when would they? "Crab" I've got down, but Stars, Gems, and specifically Blinding! I cannot figure out how to work "blinding" into a sentence and still have it feel like Siffrin. Could you make a small guide, please? Is there one already? I really want to get speaking habits down for everyone because I love them as they are, I just want to continue them. It's our turn, isn't it?

thank you for asking!!! here's a quick little guide for you. this should be enough to get you started

crab = shit or fuck, ie "CRAB!!! I BROKE THE VASE!!!"

stars, gems = god, ie "oh stars!" or Odile's "gems alive."

crabbing, blinding = fucking, ie "this blinding thing sucks!!!" or "you're crabbing annoying!!!"

"wait so is bonnie swearing like a sailor the whole game" yes. the adults got tired of correcting them and just accepted it. thank you

[mochi-owos]

Genshin men with a hot ass reader?!

Scaramouche, Kazuha, Childe, Al-Haitham, Cyno x Reader

I’m so sorry for the wait, and this isn’t as long, but regardless I hope you enjoy<33 @alizaneth (I can’t find your other @ 😨)

Scaramouche

He never thought he would be defiled by the shackles of beauty and romanticism but fuck, you were really hot, so fucking hot. He really wanted to look away but he just-- he just couldn't! Everything about you was so alluring, everything you did made him want to watch more. And just calling you hot would be an utterly impudent way to describe someone like you.

"Need something?" You smiled, he almost melted on the spot. Your smile was so pretty.

"Huh? No. I didn't need anything." Youd be a liar if you said you didnt notice his little blush.

You tilt your head, a hand moving to your hip, "Is that so? You were staring." You tried to bite back a laugh from the way he shriveled.

"You're pretty.." he mumbled.

"What was that?" You couldn't help but tease, he's too cute!

He walked closer to you, snaking an arm your waist, taking another hand and holding yours, then snuggling his head into your neck, "I said, you're really pretty, I like everything about you. I like your eyes and the way they sparkle, I like your cute hands, and I like your smile, I want to have them forever."

"Someone sentimental.”

“Shut up.”

Kazuha

To my dearest,

I'm sorry for my prolonged absence, I truly do wish to bask in your presence once more. But this journey is long, and taking lots longer than anticipated, I too-- had hoped to be in your arms by now. I miss your sweet scent, your loving embrace, your warm touch, the glisten in your star struck eyes. I wish for every second I have to be with you, if you long for more stars in the sky and I will shoot them for you, I would stare into your eyes everyday in hopes I go blind so you may be the last thing I see, I wish to breath nothing but you-- for you are my air. I hope to be home soon, please wait a little longer my love.

Forever missing you, your beloved husband

Childe

See, this was his first time, seeing someone so pretty-- I mean, he's most definitely very attractive people in his life, but by the gods, you were quite literally too hot to handle. After every encounter he was close to fainting, once, he got a nosebleed after you had snuck up on him! Your harmonic voice ringing in his ears.. oh gods, he was simping. But a poor soul he was, he had zero rizz.

"Hello there pretty thing." He smirked, attempting to lean against a wall, little did he know he was just a tad too far away which resulted in him almost falling, stumbling he manages to lean against the wall wiggling his eyebrows.

You laughed, shit, your laugh was really cute, "Hello, Childe. What brings around here?"

"I just wanted too see the PretTiest person eVer." His voice cracking in-between, fuck, has he always been this nervous around you?

You only laughed, walking forward, "Come, let's go for a stroll."

Thank god you had a thing for losers.

Al-Haitham

Al-Haitham is not one easily swayed by second class, biased, standards of beauty, except you, fucking hell, you defied all known logic of beauty and standards, you were the essence of ethereality, built by the most generous of god's, handpicked to be their hidden most precious gem.

The way the golden sun hit your skin the exact same one you always seemed to be glowing in, the way your voice was basically etched into his brain, the way it felt as though he constantly wanted to be in your embrace, always wanting you-- wanting to be nothing but yours.

So when the faithful day he finally had a chance to converse with you he knew he couldn't fail.

"Hello, you are.. er.. looking nice today." He was awkward about it, and so was his "smile"-- to be honest, you couldn't even consider it that, it's was more like his face was contoreted by a child, you weren't sure whether to run away and cry or ask him if his face is ok, never once had you seen the man smile.

"Oh! Uh.. Thank you, Grand Sage (?)." You looked down, picking at your hands.

Damnit, why did you react like that? He complimented you, just like the book told him to do (The book: how to rizz them up), was that you being embarrassed? No way, it didn't look like it, was his smile weird? You looked back at him up it took a few moments for you to actually say something.

Swallowing your saliva you spoke, "Uhm.. Mr Grand Sage, why are you staring at me like that..? It's a bit scary, Sir.." It was so hard to say that, that was your boss for goodness sake, he could fire you for anything if you did anything wrong, though, he doesn't seem like the type.

"Oh."

.

.

.

You think you’re about to faint, "Oh"?!

"I see, my apologies. I was trying to smile. I truly don't doubt my sincerity, you truly do look so uhm.. attractive (?)." He clears his throat, "I'm sorry, I'm not that best with this romantic predicaments. I would like you to dinner, would you like that?"

Cyno

Cyno has always found it easy to tell people "no", it was never a hard word for him. On a constant basis would be be using the word. But why, why is it though he simply cannot bring himself to say it to you?

Perhaps it was the thought he couldn't stand the thought of you being upset with him, your tears, or even perhaps your indifference.

This time, you need help with some commissions, but it was finally his off, he wanted to play TGC, could you blame him for his reluctance?

Your eyes soften, "Please Cyno? I can't do it without you."

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck, fuck it all, shit. He froze, I think his pulse stopped, tighnari running up to him and playfully checking his pulse, "Uh-oh, we're loosing him!" He teased hitting cyno's shoulder.

How could he resist you? Fuck it all, "I- uh.." he signed, "fine."

"Ohh! Thank you, Cyno! You're the best! I'll pay you back promise!"

He only wanted you.

[starrynights-sunnyskies]

as the flowers bloom, my heart does too ⋆*·ﾟmisa x putellas!femreader, social media au, (1/-)

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when your relationship ends and all you want to do is hide and cry, flowers suddenly start to appear on your doorstep.

or; misa hating to see a pretty girl cry and suffer and going out of her way to cheer her up while staying anonymous

fic: see my masterlist 🤍

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yourusername: life lately! from coffee dates to dinner dates. won't complain! Liked by marisabel_rguez, albapts9, janafernandez3 and 1,294 others

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marialeonn16 all i see is good🍝 ↳ yourusername how can you tell it's good? ↳ marialeonn16 i have a sixth sense for such things

albapts9 thank you for making me feel single ↳ yourusername omg you're so welcome!

alexiaputellas 😍 liked by yourusername

bff2 love seeing you so happy 💕 ↳ yourusername 😊

janafernandez3 the most adorable couple! liked by yourusername

ingridengen so cute! 💖 liked by yourusername

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yourusername: no trouble in paradise for me! ✨ unexpected, last-minute solo trip, but it was one of the best trips ever ☀️ Liked by jennihermoso, claudiaapina, begovargas and 1,439 others

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albapts9 wdym solo?? weren't you going together?? ↳ yourusername i'm still alive, aren't i? ↳ alexiaputellas 🤨 ↳ abapts9 text me.

begovargas let's meet up again soooon! ↳ yourusername time and place ✍️

claudiaapina 😍☀️

bff1 oh hey look, it's lara croft 🌴

bff2 bestie, we've got you 🤝😔 liked by yourusername

jennihermoso the most beautiful 👼 liked by yourusername

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yourusername: be with those that matter 🖤 tagged: ingridengen, albapts9, alexiaputellas, ona.battle, salmaparalluelo and 3 others Liked by: marisabel_rguez, marialeonn16, keirawalsh and 1,938 others

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albapts9 why's ale on here twice and i'm not liked by alexiaputellas ↳ yourusername she's older than you 😁 ↳ albapts9 that makes zero sense?? ↳ albapts9 but i love you and i'm so proud of you. liked by yourusername

username1 Nala too aw 🥹

ingridengen ily girlie! liked by yourusername

salmaparalluelo Never forget, you always have us😌 liked by yourusername ↳ ona.battle Things will be alright, you're a tough 🍪 liked by yourusername

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yourusername just added to their story

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yourusername: what's the name of this clu-hub? i've got the best girlfriends 🖤 Liked by alexiaputellas, marialeonn16, marisabel_rguez and 1,879 others

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alexiaputellas Have fun but be responsible 😁 ↳ jennihermoso Then how is she supposed to have fun? 🤐 ↳ alexiaputellas Incorrigible... ↳ jennihermoso She's only young once ☝️

bff2 💃🍸 liked by yourusername

bff1 clique! 💍 ↳ yourusername more like clicquot 🥂 ↳ bff2 remind me to never drink so much again 😂 ↳ yourusername oh hush, the uber driver LOVED your rendition of enrique iglesias ↳ bff3 yeah, so much so that he dropped us off five streets earlier 🤣 ↳ yourusername thank you for being the best and helping me forget 😘

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yourusername: i'm a simple girl. i love flowers.  Liked by albapts9, alexiaputellas, marisabel_rguez and 1,483 more

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albapts9 yet no one to buy them for you. pity, pity. ↳ alexiaputellas Too soon. 😐 ↳ yourusername @/albapts9 shut it, alabama. Liked by alexiaputellas  ↳ albapts9 the betrayal😮

bff1 😍

username2 I VOLUNTEER 🫡

marialeonn16 favourite putellas 😉

ingrid_engen pretty flower girl 🌼

janafernandez3 guapa, mi amiga!

username3 NO ONE buying this gem flowers??? jail time. for all of you.

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albapts9: thank you to whoever made my baby sister smile. also, fuck you for not getting me any! tagged: yourusername Liked by alexiaputellas, marisabel_rguez, claudiaapina and 1,012 others

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alexiaputellas 😍 liked by yourusername

marialeonn16 happy tiny p, happy team 🤘🏽 ↳ ingridengen babe, this sounds a little questionable in english ↳ keirawalsh 🤣😭

yourusername shouldn't have made fun of me for being single then 😛 ↳ albapts9 go do someting about it then!! ↳ yourusername but i'm shy and not ready 😔

jennihermoso the cutest!

claudiaapina So deserved for always looking out for the rest of us! 😊 ↳ albapts9 was it you?? ↳ claudiaapina No, but definitely regretting we all didn't think of this sooner 😅

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yourusername: found the best surprise on my doorstep. could get used to this. Liked by marisabel_rguez, salmaparalluelo, patriguijarro and 988 others

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albapts9 😤 ↳ yourusername go cry about it, albaricoque ↳ albapts9 she's bullying me @/alexiaputellas ↳ alexiaputellas you made her this way 🙂 liked by yourusername

username1 Getting a little sus, no? ↳ username2 either it's someone she knows irl or it's starting to get reaaally creepy reaaaally fast ↳ username3 Time to investigate? 🤓 ↳ username5 shut up, it's so cute, let her have this

salmaparalluelo jealous!! ☺️

username4 be careful 😅

marialeonn16 take two; happy putty, happy team ↳ ingridengen getting there! almost! 😙 ↳ yourusername as long as you don't call me Baby P anymore, it's fine! liked by keirawalsh

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albapts9: SERIOUSLY? tagged: yourusername Liked by marisabel_rguez, yourusername, alexiaputellas and 763 others

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marialeonn16 bambi has gotten herself an admirer!! ↳ username1 or a stalker 😟 ↳ bff2 Omg!!! Stop it 😣 ↳ alexiaputellas 🤨

albapts9 WE WANT TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE ↳ yourusername you're scaring them away ↳ albapts9 well, i'm still not sure if i should be thankful they're making you smile or worried they know how to even reach you??? ↳ yourusername it's fine, probably someone from the team having a good time with this 😇 ↳ albapts9 this is how people get killed, y/n

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yourusername: she can only bark to confirm, but take it from me that i'm her favourite auntie 🐶 tagged: lanalalamala Liked by marisabel_rguez, alexiaputellas, ingridengen and 1,394 others

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alexiaputellas 😍 Give her a kiss from me! liked by yourusername

marisabel_rguez Muy preciosa, the both of you 😁

albapts9 biased source... but okay, you do look cute together ☺️ liked by yourusername

ingridengen 🐶 liked by yourusername

janafernandez3 best duo! liked by yourusername

bff1 the sweetest!

username2 lol not misa getting ignored ↳ username3 😂😭

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yourusername: kisses to my exes who don't give a shit about me 😘 Liked by pedri, ferrantorres, leahwilliamsonn and 6,509 others

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albapts9 you tell 'em. alexiaputellas Proud of you 😘 ingridengen the most gorgeous! username1 🔥 pedri 😊 sakinakarchaoui 👼 begovargas !!! bff2 ohhh 💖 marisabel_rguez So so beautiful! 😊 liekemartens Knaaaaap! _emilyfox 😍 keira walsh 👌 username1 also remember, you deserve the world. ↳ liked by marisabel_rguez ferrantorres yes!!! 😍 ↳ alexiaputellas No. liked by albapts9 jennihermoso GUAPA marialeonn16 👏😘 username3 a little too vain, no? ashley.sanchez serving! 💅🏽 alejandrobalde Check ur dms ↳ yourusername how about no? liked by albapts9 username4 attention seeking behaviour 😬 bff5 ma'am, your number, pls? 😫 victoriapelova 😮 ↳ leahwilliamsonn 😮 ↳ victoriapelova what are you doing here? ↳ leahwilliamsonn what are YOU doing here? leilaouahabi yessss 😌 sara_doorsoun ✨ username6 lol she's gathered all the woso girlies with just one post

Comments on this post are limited

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yourusername: miles away and yet the flowers still find me. it's as if they knew i was having the most terrible week. thank you, stranger. Liked by marisabel_rguez, janafernandez3, liekemartens and 1,001 others

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claudiaapena The mystery commences 😮 liked by yourusername

bff4 well, they probably did then! 👀

username1 Getting creepier!! username2 yeah, i don't like this. at all. 🚩 username3 not unless it's someone on the team/she knows. y/n's in the same place as them right now, she travelled with alexia to the away game, remember? username4 let's start digging? for real now! 🧐

jennihermoso Are you sure you're not keeping us hooked by buying them yourself? 🤪 liked by yourusername

albapts9 AGAIN? ↳ yourusername 😇 ↳ albapts9 also, call me. i want to be there for you. i miss smiley you.

marisabel_rguez pretty flowers for a pretty girl 🌼

janafernandez3 Everything will be okay 💕 liked by yourusername

ingridengen me next please! ↳ marialeonn16 ✍️👍

begovargas 😭💕 liked by yourusername

username5 oh no, misa... not again 🤣 ↳ username6 was just thinking the same 😅

salmaparalluelo Still no note? ↳ yourusername still no note!!! un dia 🤞

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15secs ago: marisabel_rguez just added to their story ↳ This story is no longer available

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[y-rhywbeth2]

Been thinking about Durge romances and how much I love the companions. Many people love Astarion's response when Durge gets their "kill your lover in their sleep" scene and, fair, that was the point that I unfortunately began to genuinely love the pointy bastard. I do enjoy watching him sass Bhaal. Plus you being the only one he's not afraid of in the world and also "we can compare notes" because he recognises what's happening, yes, yes.

And additional honourable mentions to Lae'zel and Karlach:

Lae'zel threatening to bite you back and informing you that if you don't beat Bhaal you will be fighting her and that will be much worse, topped with the gem of "Not to be maudlin, but I'm glad I didn't gut you."

Karlach asking you not to bite her because trying to eat her flesh will hurt you. also she growls back at you. and asking what the fuck you're talking about when Durge goes into one of their, uh, poetic moods. And parallels: "It's bad. I won't say it isn't. But... I've done worse. Powers beyond our control picked us to do their dirty work - that isn't our fault." I mean Durge has absolutely done worse, but I concede the gist of your argument.

But my favourite variants are these three (in no particular order):

Shadowheart's "Hells, what I wouldn't give for a boring lover sometimes" shortly before scolding you - "no biting!" Bad hellspawn! Bad! Use your words! - It's the middle of the night, she's tired, and she expected something way more fun that this damnit. (also; "She was starting to trust you. The only one she ever has. Pity it's coming to an end." *screaming*)

Wyll reminds us he's the one with the high charisma stat in this party with his pep talks: "The coast would sooner be swallowed whole by the Sea of Swords [before I'd hate you]." - "Rise up, meet its gaze. Show it no fear, and grant it no mercy." - "You are a champion. If this foe demands blood, then tear off its limbs and let it drink its own!" Never been more revved up to punch Bhaal in the face, thank you. And Sceleritas directly compares himself to Mizora and aAhHHHhhhhh-!

And then there's Gale, who clearly has no idea what's happening or what do about it. Get it out of your system, he says, trying his best to be supportive. "This is not good, if I may state the obvious." - "No, no clotting. I like my blood flowing in my veins, thank you most kindly." He would prefer not to die, thank you. 10/10. Durge is way too distracted by this to listen to Bhaal right now.

[astonmartinii]

big time rush | lando norris social media au

pairing: lando norris x albon!reader so how is alex albon and sorority rush connected? how is lando involved? and will the grid ever understand the greek system? [so, it's rush season, also known as my favourite time to be judgemental on social media (after the met gala of course), but like i have been bombarded with so much rush content and made a couple friends in the summer who go to alabama that my english ass needed to write something about it]

masterlist tips x

yourusername

liked by landonorris, alexalbon and 301,774 others

yourusername: it's the most wonderful time of the year !!! first year as president of theta 🩷

view all comments

user1: i get whiplash every time she posts back in america

user2: like??? how is that alex albon's sister

yourusername: we have the same mum and dad, hope this helps 👍

user3: okay yeah her and alex are the same people

alexalbon: posting this like you didn't BALL UR EYES OUT AT THE AIRPORT AGAIN

yourusername: i didn't cry because i was gonna miss ur ugly ass, i miss horsey and otto :(

albon_pets: we miss you too 🐈

user4: i personally love watching y/n's two personalities usa v uk she's like my batman

lilymunhe: don't have too much fun babe, remember to study too

yourusername: have some faith in me PLEASE

lilymunhe: i sat with you for a whole week individually rhinestoning shirts for work week i think i understand your priorities

yourusername: work week is very important lily and at least i know we'll all slay the diamonds are a girls best friend theme !!!!!

alexalbon: i'm still finding gems in all of my shoes and bags so they better

user5: i don't really understand sororities but you can bet i CHECK IN when it's y/n

user6: the way her brother is a whole ass f1 driver but she's more famous to me being the fucking PRESIDENT of theta at ALABAMA the girlies just don't get how big a deal that is

georgerussel63: any way we can get this rhinestone treatment for some merc merch

yourusername: if you wanted rhinestone merch you shouldn't have jumped ship from williams but thanks for the seat xoxo

georgerussell63: crikey can't a guy ask for sequins without being attacked these days

yourusername: all jokes georgie, but if you want rhinestones you'll have to rep theta

alexalbon

liked by landonorris, yourusername and 603,450 others

tagged: yourusername

alexalbon: enjoy your semester president, you're lucky i didn't get any photos of you ugly crying with horsey before you left. always love summer with you, even if you kept ditching us for your super secret boyfriend you thought we didn't know about ;)

view all comments

user7: the albons are so insane i love them

lilymunhe: you said we weren't gonna tell her to see how far she goes to cover it up !!!

alexalbon: this is so much more fun though i heard her scream from the other side of departures

yourusername: so i could've just used the front door rather than doing parkour out my window?

alexalbon: you going to fess up to who it is yet?

yourusername: no i don't think i will

lilymunhe: not even to me :(

yourusername: clearly you can't be trusted

lilymunhe: no babe it's not like that i swear

yourusername: i can't hear you i have a 12 hour flight

user8: the state of this comment section

user9: wait so y/n has a bf? i think i just heard the entirety of greek row fall to their knees

user10: like they had a chance babe

liked by yourusername and landonorris

landonorris: i've seen you cry your eyes out on face time to your cat

alexalbon: his name is horsey and it was a very emotional day

yourusername: you also face timed me crying with the pets that you missed me

alexalbon: stop ganging up on me this is my post and LANDO THIS IS FAMILY BUSINESS

landonorris: hmmmmm 🤨

f1wagsupdates

liked by user13, user14 and 3,205 others

f1wagsupdates: lando norris has flown into america a week early for the austin grand prix. lando flew into alabama and was reportedly picked up by a girl. is he off the market?

view all comments

user15: i’m sorry my little heart can’t take y/n and lando getting into relationships this year

user16: call me crazy but maybe lando and y/n are together?

user17: how did you come to this conclusion?

user16: so like when alex revealed he knew about y/n’s bf lando was weirdly all up in that comment section and now he's early to austin but flew into alabama where y/n goes to college and a brunette girl picked him up (also a healthy dose of delusion)

user18: no but why does this make sense though

user19: i once again implore you guys to understand that men and women can be friends, not all women in a 5 miles radius of a man is in love with him

user20: i would love for this to be y/n simply for the alex meltdown that'll follow

user21: he already said he's not overprotective just annoyed that he couldn't figure out who it is, so if it's one of his best friends i think he'll lose his mind

user22: imagine being a pledge and walking into the house to see LANDO NORRIS?

user23: trying to imagine lando of all people in sweet home alabama is killing me someone save my guy

yourusername

liked by landonorris, alexalbon and 359,0344 others

yourusername: first week of classes and i'm missing my cats

view all comments

user24: A MAN? i knew she had a man but that's. A MAN

albon_pets: we miss you too big sis, can't wait for thanksgiving

yourusername: have a nandos on me tonight babes xx

albon_pets: this is why you're our favourite sibling

alexalbon: i'm right here guys

user25: we've lost her to the soft launch

user26: literally like show me his face so i can stalk him

alexalbon: agreed

lilymunhe: pretty girl, we miss youuuuuu !! can't wait to see you in austin

yourusername: literally counting down the days

lilymunhe: will the mystery man be there?

yourusername: he may ...

alexalbon: i hope he's ready for the interrogation

landonorris: alex mate you're about as intimidating as a tumbleweed

alexalbon: you're in albon business an awful lot lately norris 🤨

user27: the alex meltdown is starting

landonorris

liked by alexalbon, yourusername and 1,302,778 others

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

landonorris: two dummies, one car, and an attempt to get into the cota paddock

view all comments

user28: OMFG

yourusername: i can only drive stick, this is known. and so many fans, i didn't want to run anyone over

user29: it was a close call but you did nearly hit me, i appreciate the swerve

yourusername: MY BAD OMG as you can all tell, alex got all of the good driving genes in the family

landonorris: don't worry babe, i won't make you drive again

yourusername: thank you baby, i was born to be a passenger princess

alexalbon: BABE? BABY? PASSENGER PRINCESS? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?

yourusername: surprise?

alexalbon: you were doing parkour to see LANDO?

landonorris: i don't appreciate your tone alex i am a catch

yourusername: you are a catch

alexalbon: can a man not have a breakdown in peace anymore without you people flirting underneath it

lilymunhe: you guys are kinda cute, i'm seeing the vision

alexalbon: am i joke to you?

yourusername: alex please be happy for me, i'm so so happy with lando, he's the best for me

landonorris: i promise i love y/n, i won't hurt her

alexalbon: i know, but give me three business days to process and NO MCLAREN MERCH

yourusername

liked by alexalbon, landonorris and 502,300 others

tagged: landonorris, alexalbon

yourusername: lando on the podium and alex in the points, you know what that means? took my best boys to their first frat party (they didn't fare well)

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user32: the grid at a frat party is something i thought i'd never see

user33: waiting for old men to say that americans are ruining the sport

landonorris: why were people on the roof? why was i on the roof?

yourusername: lets not announce that baby, i don't want zak brown to sue me

landonorris: i'm never drinking again... you do this every weekend?

yourusername: you are literally an f1 driver, you have much harder weekends

landonorris: well at least after this i got cuddles

lilymunhe: based on how late you were to brunch, i guess it was a lot of cuddles

landonorris: i am clingy, let me live

yourusername: i like clingy lando don't worry baby

alexalbon: you need to drop out immediatelt that was terrifying

yourusername: LOL

alexalbon: why were they all so loud and why did they all insist on drinking upside down? this place is so unserious

yourusername: just say you miss me alex

alexalbon: fine, i miss you (also now we know about you and lando, he did nothing but complain about missing you the whole flight home)

user34: alex already sick of lando's shit they crack me up

landonorris

liked by georgerussell63, yourusername and 1,023,400 others

tagged: yourusername

landonorris: cosplayed as a theta sister for the week with the love of my life

view all comments

user35: this is the cross over i could never see coming but am not angry about

user36: so does someone on the grid finally get the greek system?

landonorris: no ❤️

yourusername: the prettiest sister ever (anyone from the house ready this, he doesn't count don't worry)

landonorris: i am the prettiest sister regardless sorry not sorry

yourusername: they just warmed up to you :(

landonorris: they warmed up to me the minute i doordashed chipotle for the whole house

yourusername: true

landonorris: also miss president, why is that a full time job? i really don't get greek life

user37: the image of a whole house of sorority sisters and then just lando is so funny to me

user38: he's the president's bf so i doubt anyone had a real problem

yourusername: he's also unbelievable levels of girlypop

landonorris: it's my greatest asset

yourusername: i can think of another one ;)

alexalbon: HAVE SOME SHAME PEOPLE

yourusername: HIS PERSONALITY

landonorris: and something else ;)

alexalbon: STOP PLEASE OR I'LL REVOKE MY APPROVAL

user38: i need a relationship like this stat

user39: omg when y/n graduates i can't wait for her to be back with alex and lando full time ... the chaos will be crazy

note: please enjoy this little one!! gonna start going through any requests now xx

[bo0tleg]

GEMS MY FRIEND SAID WATCHING TOP GUN (1986) FOR THE FIRST TIME:

"Look at those thighs! He's gotta be sitting on a dick, there ain't no way!" (about a random engineer in the opening sequence)

"This guy is too handsome to be a rando" (it was, indeed, a rando)

"Fifteen minutes in and I have no idea who the protagonist is." "Do you know what Tom Cruise looks like?" ".... No."

*Thought Cougar was gonna be the protagonist, was confused as hell when he left*

"The baldo is boring, but I think were gonna keep seeing him throughout the movie." "No, we're not." "We're not? Oh, thank god."

"Whoop, spotted the gay one. That wasn't even hard."

"That guy (Chipper) looks russian." "Nope." "No? What about that one (Slider)?" "It's the middle of the Cold War." "..... So?"

"A gay couple already? Wow."

"The blondie is trying to flirt while the other one is too concentrated on the rivalry."

"OH HELL NAH."

"Every old movie just feels the need for random straight romance– OH SHIT THAT'S HER? HE'S SO FUCKED." (In the scene where Charlie is 'officially' introduced)

"HOLD UP!" *Rewinds the scene* "What kind of flirting is that?" *Plays the scene again* "Did he just... Chomp? At him?"

"He has chemistry with her, but she doesn't want any chemistry with him. I mean, I can see she's attracted to him, but I think she just wants a quick lay." (Repeated this Every. Single. Time. Maverick and Charlie had a scene together.)

"Ah yes, the hetero scene that actually looks really gay." Later, remembering the scene: "How the fuck are you gonna play sports looking like a hot piece of ass without looking gay? You're not supposed to be hot! You're supposed to slap that fucking ball, not be like 'hahaha look at me, I'm so dainty and pretty.' THAT'S GAY!"

"It's cute, Goose treats him like a father would." "Don't you mean an older brother?" "No, he's too gentle for that. They'd be killing each other."

"See, Goose's wife treats him like an older sister would. By annoying him."

Charlie, on screen: "(...) Because I've fallen in love with you." "NO YOU FUCKING HAVEN'T, SHE'S JUST SAYING THAT FOR HIM TO STAY! SHE'S JUST SAYING WHAT HE WANTS TO HEAR TO KEEP HIM THERE!"

*Loud disgruntled noises I could hear from the kitchen over the sex scene*

"That's the one with the hard on!"

"I want more scenes of the blondie (Ice) and Maverick, I don't care about fucking planes."

"Did he die? Oh, no he's fine, the chute is there. Wait, he did die? NO!"

"Did he really need to be in his underwear for this conversation?"

"How cute, he's worried about Mavericks mental health. Shit."

*Screams*

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU IDIOT? SHE LEFT YOU AFTER YOUR BEST FRIEND DIED!" "And put on a song that reminds him of his parents." "AND PUT ON A SONG THAT REMINDS YOU OF YOUR DEAD PARENTS!"

[roseboysstuff]

Thinking about fuckbuddy ghost (this is ftm reader btw)

Ghost who is amazing in bed, his cock dragging orgasm after orgasm out of your cunt

Ghost who doesn't really give the best aftercare, cleans you up and then waves goodbye

Ghost who totally doesn't love you, you're just a convenient lay

Ghost who loves watching you ride his cock, your hair bouncing and your eyes squeezed shut. The pleasure evident on your face. "Beautiful." He thinks, distantly, as his cock explodes with pleasure, shooting the familiar hot seed into you.

Ghost who starts watching you every time he fucks you. He can't get enough of your face. You just look so handsome, all covered in sweat and your face flush with pleasure.

Ghost who still definitely doesn't love you.

Ghost who argues with you, when you tell him you're catching feelings for him. He's mad, because now he has to face his own feelings.

Ghost who watches you run away to your room, crying. His pride preventing him from following you. Despite how much he wants to gather you in his arms, and love you.

Ghost who doesn't get the chance to apologise, as he's sent on a solo mission, lasting for 4 months straight. Who doesn't know what's happening back in the base, during his absence.

Soap who sees your heartbroken expression, and can't stand it.

Soap who brings you a beer, saying "bottom's up", in his glorious scottish accent.

Soap who listens all night, as you pour your heart out to him, crying until your eyes are dry and bloodshot. Who hugs you, until the alcohol makes you drift off peacefully.

Soap who's still there the next morning, stroking your hair, and helping you through your hangover. The care and affection making you melt slightly, not knowing what you needed.

Soap who desperately wants to ask you out, but is patient. He knows you need space.

Soap who can't wait anymore, who only 2 months after Ghost has left, takes you out. Who sits with you on a grassy hill, watching the sun go down. Holding your hand, and sipping some wine.

Soap who takes you back to bed that night, and unlike the rough thrusts and near silence of Ghost, is sweet. His honeyed words like a balm to your soul, his tender touches sending hot shivers down your spine. Who's cock isn't as big as Ghost's but who treats you like a precious gem.

Soap who makes you climax as many times as you want that night, and who finally fills you with his seed, only after making sure it's what you truly want.

Soap who gives perfect aftercare, holding you, reassuring you, loving you.

Soap Johnny who is the perfect boyfriend, and who after only a few weeks, when you're suddenly pregnant with his child, doesn't abandon you.

Johnny who proposes right then and there, not wanting you to feel abandoned ever again.

Ghost who returns from his mission, ready to apologise to you, knowing now that he really does love you.

Ghost who sees the strange looks, as he asks about you.

Ghost who is told about both yours and Johnny's honourable discharges.

Ghost Simon who sits in his room in the barracks, desperately trying to find any lingering remnants of your scent on his bed

Simon who cries that night, remembering your face, wanting to see it again. Not just flush with pleasure, but bright with joy. Grinning and laughing, smiling at him with the love he now feels tortured by

Simon who receives an invite to your's and Johnny's wedding, and covers it with his tears that night.

Simon who stands there, in a black suit, watching the love of his life walk down the aisle, with the protuding baby bump under your wedding clothes. But he's not standing at the end of the aisle.

Simon Riley, who watches as you change your last name to MacTavish, desperately wishing you were changing it to Riley

Johnny MacTavish, who holds you tightly, thankful for the chance to have you. Who'll never treat you wrong.

Your husband and father of your baby, Johnny, who made you believe in love again.

[love-belle]

no comment !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which they finally reveal their shared life.

or

for when you got really lucky with your love. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // carlos sainz jr. x fem!reader

warnings - language

author's note - hello!! i can't stop making these lmfao but fr these are so fun to write, i love them!! i really hope u like this, thank you for reading <3 i think, emphasis on think, that i will be able to post a pierre gasly social media au tonight along with part i of a max verstappen one so yeah, keep an eye out. i love you, hope you're okay <3

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by lewishamilton, carmenmmundt, carlossainz55 and 985,517 others

yourusername people ask how long have i loved u, no comment

tagged carlossainz55

8,962 comments

username SHUT UO SHIT UP SHIT UP SHUT UP OMG

username OH MY GOD?????? WHAT??????

username her using her own song to hard launch her man is so iconic of her

username THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR AGAHSJKAKSNAKA

landonorris fucking finally

-> yourusername props to carlos for convincing me 🙏

username "no comment" MA'AM WE NEED ANSWERS

username im vrying omg whag yje fjxk

lewishamilton the best couple ❤️

*liked by yourusername*

username what the duck i lo e them so mucj omh

username he's so pretty omg

carlossainz55 te amo ❤️

-> yourusername te amo mi amor ❤️

carlossainz55 loved you for a thousand lifetimes probably

-> yourusername carlos i will cry i love you :/

username they're so parents whatcthefucj

username RUE WHEN WAS THIS

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by yourusername, landonorris, yourbestfriend and 964,528 others

carlossainz55 how i got you honey, even i don't understand

tagged yourusername

9,146 comments

username THE WAY "the party" BY Y/N IS LITERALLY THEIR SONG OMG

username HIM QUOTING HIS GIRL'S SONG I COULD CRY

username gone deceased six feet under decomposed decaying

charles_leclerc will you finally stop calling me at 3am ranting about how much you love y/n???

-> carlossainz55 no x

username MOTHER

username she eats everytime

username can carlos fight question mark

danielricciardo chihuahua energy in the second pic

-> yourusername WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

-> carlossainz55 no no i get what you're saying

username THE WAY I SCREAMED

lilymhe the only thing i like abt u is ur gf

-> yourusername my love ❤️

-> carlossainz55 can't believe you because same

username he's down BAD bad

username this acc will turn into a y/n fanpage and i will eat up every second of it

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by carlossainz55, pierregasly, lilymhe and 947,816 others

yourusername i know how lucky i am

tagged carlossainz55

9,146 comments

username GOODBYE.

username LITERAL PARENTS NOW OMG

username STOP THEY'RE GONNA BE SUCH GOOD PARENTS

danielricciardo normal y/n is such a gem to deal with, can't wait for the pregnant version!! good luck mate!!

-> carlossainz55 thank you brother, i will be needing it 🙏

-> yourusername these comments are public and you're on the couch tonight.

username CARLOS AS A DAD I CANNOT

username im so 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

username THIS IS INSANEEEE LIKE WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY WERE DATING BEFORE YESTERDAY AND NOW THEY'RE GONNA BE PARENTS LIKEEE

landonorris best godfather is here ❤️

-> charles_leclerc no

-> pierregasly no

-> lewishamilton no

-> maxverstappen1 no

-> danielricciardo no

username that baby is gonna be so blessed and loved

username stop im so happy for them sm

carlossainz55 i'm the one who got lucky, thank you for everything ❤️

-> yourusername gonna cry brb x

carlossainz55 i love you so much

-> yourusername my love for you grows everyday it's insane

username OH MY GOD SHJAKABDJAKANS

[papurgaatika]

Scarcely Can Speak For My Thinking, What You’d Do To Me Tonight

Pairing: VA! Joel Miller x f! reader 

Minors DNI with my work please!!

A/N: howdy howdy my lovelies. I know what yall are thinking: papaya didn't you post a fic literally less than two weeks ago? And to that I would say yes, yes I did. However, I have been working on this one for a while and somehow managed to finish it on the plane! Thank you as always to my lovely beta readers @carlynkurin and @joelsdagger The title is a Hozier lyric (are yall really surprised?) This is officially dedicated to my beloved @joeloverture and despite my darling vetty's step off of tumblr, she truly deserves the world. also if you're mean to her i will find you. that is a threat

I hope y'all enjoy the read, and that the filth keeps you going in times of need. Peace and love on the planet Earth from me!!! Remember that TLOU is created by a zionist so please look at the resources at the end of this fic and in my bio on ways to donate and educate yourself!!

Tags: Erotic voice actor Joel! AU, Young Joel, No outbreak AU, smut, condescension, degradation, f! masturbation, praise, squirting, smut, LOTS of dirty talk, oral (f receiving) friends to lovers, fingering, voice kink, Joel loves thighs, Joel Miller arm appreciation, the reader is a mess, no use of y/n, Joel can pick reader up but he’s HUGE so it makes sense, no description of reader, 18+ Word Count: 5.2k

Summary: you have been using audio erotica to get off for a month, and manage to accidentally let it play in Joel's car, leading to an awkward night in 

You let out an exhausted huff as the dim light of your phone reflected on your face. Your headphones connected, your vibrator was charged, but in some godforsaken twist of fate, there was not a single thing worth listening to on the newest audio erotica page you could find. Videos hadn’t been doing it for you, the ethical concerns were too high for you to be horny, and as much as you liked a good fanfic, you had gone through most of the ones you liked and needed something new.  You click on a post with semi intriguing tags, immediately rolling your eyes and exiting out of it when you hear the all too familiar vocal fry of men trying to sound hotter. News flash: you don't. 

You were moments away from calling it a night and opening your backlog of smutty ao3 fics when another post caught your eye. You let out a snort at the username save_a_horse and glance at the tags. Okay you were definitely interested now, a degrading instructional… you hit play with baited breath, prepping for the worst, but you were so mistaken. 

“Filthy little thing aint ya?” the voice rings in your ears, heat pooling between your legs embarrassingly quickly. “Must be so pathetic if you’re clicking on a mean stranger's voice to get ya’self off” his voice was like hot honey. Sickly sweet and keeping you waiting for his every word but with an edge that stung in the best way. You shuffle yourself back onto the pillows and throw your covers off, fully prepared to enjoy this rare gem. Your breathing picks up, heavy with want as the man in your ears calls you a desperate little slut. 

“Go on, get your toy wet slut” his voice croons out at you “know ya have one, too fuckin’ needy not to.'' Always eager to please, your lips find the base of your curved g-spot vibrator and let the soft plastic fill your mouth, drawing sounds that were almost too debauched for you to be sitting in bed alone. “Bet you love havin your mouth filled like that.. Lord, I'd love to have your pretty little lips around my cock” your eyes practically roll back at that, spit running down the base of your toy before he finally tells you to put it in.  

“Atta girl, such an eager thing” The toy sinks into your sopping cunt with ease as the voice envelops your mind, solely focusing on him. You listen with intense obedience as he tells you how deep, how quick, how much you were allowed. “Go on then, fuck yourself on it. We both know you want to” 

You let out a soft cry as you slip the toy in and out, the curve just hitting the spot that makes your back arch. Your breathing hitches as you press down on the button to turn the vibrations on. “Creamin’ all over yourself I bet,” it was like he could see you. Like he was able to see your arousal dripping onto the sheets below you, how the damp sheets clung to your thighs as they shook and twitched with pleasure. 

“Bet you’re so damn close.. Go on then slut, cum while listenin’ to me'' he taunts slightly as your orgasm washes over you in waves. “Gonna ruin ya,” his words are assertive, less of a promise and almost a threat “ain’t gonna cum unless it's to my voice anymore. Good fuckin’ girl”  You take a few steadying breaths as the audio clicks off, and you blink up at your ceiling unsure of how to go on from there. You glance down at your phone which has made its way to the opposite side of your bed and move to grab it.

You hit play on another audio. 

As the weeks go on, you and the mysterious cowboy in your ears have an immensely good time together. You practically spend every night listening to every one of his audios, leaving silly comments on the ones that make you cum particularly hard. It might have been an issue, how often you found yourself waiting for him to upload, how quickly you would pause your tasks to listen to new updates, but you were having fun and it wasn’t like you were hurting anyone in the process. 

You had just finished an audio before the blaring noise of a horn outside your door rattled you. The clock on your phone taunts you as do the several missed calls and texts from your best friend. “Fuck. fuck okay” you grumble, grabbing a towel and wiping yourself off before tossing a pair of comfy shorts on and grabbing your bag, and heading outside “have you never heard of a virtue called patience miller?” you quip as you slide into the passenger seat of his truck 

“Had it for the first five minutes, but about 10 minutes after that, I was damn ready to break your door down myself” he scoffs “what took you so damn long?” he rolls his eyes as you fiddle with the bluetooth in his car, not wanting to be stuck with what you call ‘old home music’ 

“I was just finishi-” your words are cut off when the sound of a moan plays over the speaker. Just your luck. You kept the grumpiest man alive waiting and then played porn in his car. Hooray for you. “Jesus fucking-” you squeak, fiddling with your phone and closing out of the app “Joel-” you start, cheeks burning and excuses already at the tip of your tongue, before he silently shakes his head and puts the car in reverse. 

The ride back to his house is awkward to say the least. “Joel listen I didn't mean for-” you mumble out meekly, but his sharp gaze on yours has you clamping your mouth closed immediately. You fiddle with your fingers, thinking about playing music, but it just doesn’t feel right anymore. The grip Joel has on the steering wheel is practically iron-clad, his knuckles almost white with the tension as he pulls into his driveway and puts the car in park. You walk into his house with a huff, your weekly game nights off to a bit of a rocky start, but you’ve had to deal with worse with him. Joel had given you moral support when your menstrual cup had gotten “stuck” during one of your first times using it, he could deal with knowing you listened to porn. 

You plop down onto his couch, stretching your legs out on the coffee table while he gets you a glass of iced tea. You take a sip of your drink and mentally prepare yourself for how bad he was going to tease you about this, but are met with shocking amounts of silence. For a man who is ruthless on game nights, the lack of trash talk and absolute avoidance was almost irritating you. Finally, after you beat him in uno for a third time in a row, you snap “What is your issue tonight miller?” you groan, placing a +2 card down “Listen I know that was awkward but we’re both adults I don't see what the big deal is'' 

Joel groans and places another +2, changing the color (much to your annoyance,) “just drop it, nothin’s the issue”  You, petulant and stubborn as ever, did not drop it. You huff as you have to take like 5 cards from the deck before getting one that you can play, and narrow your eyes at him. 

“Bullshit” you move to sit cross-legged on the couch “I never beat you in this game, something is wrong with you tonight,”  it was almost as if nobody had ever taught you not to poke a sleeping bear. Or maybe you figured that the bear was your best friend and probably wouldn't bite your head off… probably. 

“Just drop it peaches,” his words are terse, hands gripping his, now slowly diminishing, uno cards much tighter than he needed to. You groan again when you have to get another few cards. The irritation at his childish behavior, coupled with the stack of 20 cards in your hand makes you more of a menace than you probably should. 

“Don't be such a baby, Miller,” you poke his leg with your foot knowing full well he hates it, a yelp leaving your lips as he grabs your ankle and pulls you forward “Joel!” Your cards fly out of your hand 

“Told you to fuckin’ quit it peach.” His voice is a low timber, stirring something deep in your belly. “Never fuckin’ listen to me” 

You just snort at him when he releases your ankle, moving to pick up your cards, “you suck at uno today Joel” you hmph, rising to your feet “'m gonna get something else” you hear Joel protest and try to grab at your arm but you’re too determined and he’s far too comfy to get up quick enough.  You manage to make it to his spare room, swinging the door open, imagining you’d see a shelf with his board games only to stop dead in your tracks, “what the fuck-”

What you had always assumed was just his spare junk room or random linen closet, was what looked like an at home recording studio. A desk with a PC and speakers, full microphone set up, and what you could only assume was something to help with soundproofing  “What the fuck Miller?” Your voice is slightly full of awe, “are you recording shitty male superiority podcasts now?” you tease, a sly grin on your face. 

Despite how pleased you are with that crack at him, he looks absolutely unamused. He practically clomps over at you, big finger poking your ribs ``you know damn well I ain't doin’ that shit.” He rolls his eyes at your teasing. The idea of Joel Miller getting on the internet to talk about women in a way that wasn't him sitting at his desk going ‘they’re the best damn thing’ was laughable. He was a perfect gentleman to everyone, except maybe to you, but frankly you deserved it for all the shit you gave him. 

You squeak when his finger prods at your skin “okay, okay well what creepy shit are you doing in here then?” you wiggle your eyebrows at him, sauntering to his PC set up. The computer and speakers were calling out to you like a siren, and you did not have the common sense to plug your ears. 

Joel knew you. He could read you like a fucking book with how close the two of you were. He used to say that the one braincell you had spent fifty percent of its time inside his mind with how predictable you were to him. “Peach do not fuckin’ dare-” his voice is low, warning you. 

If you had better self preservation skills you would have probably heard the alarm bells ringing in your head telling you that he was serious, or paid better attention to the way his sweats were a little more tight. But you unfortunately were a complete menace, so neither of those items really registered to you. You clap your hands in an evil little giggle when you move the mouse “still no password? Shit you make my life so fucking easy-” you grin as you see the different clips of audio layered together in whatever program he uses 

Joel has somehow silently appeared behind you, his hand pulling you away from the computer. “Quit it peach, I’m not fuckin’ around,” he grits out, the hold on your wrist almost impossibly tight. He means business this time, and despite how much of a hellion you can be to him, you didn’t have a death wish. 

You scrunch your nose at him trying to pull your wrist out of his grip “okay jesus chri-” you yank your hand away from his, elbow bumping into the keyboard and are cut off with the sound of a gravely moan coming out of the speaker. Both you and Joel look like deer caught in the headlights. Your eyes flick between Joel, whose face has gone impressively red, and the screen of his computer.  “I- joel this is-” you stumble over your words, unsure of what to say in this situation. 

“Not a fuckin’ peep.” he practically growls at you. Your mouth clamps shut as he leans over you and presses pause on the audio. Your mouth is drier than it had ever been. That was a clip of your best friend, the one who was looming over you at this very moment, moaning into a microphone. You were certain that if you had listened any closer you would have been able to hear the sounds of his hand stroking his cock. The slight creak of his chair, the wet noise of the lube, or was he a spit guy? He however, was not interested in sharing any more of the audio with you, and you would deny it if anyone asked, you were a little disappointed. 

You need to say something, you had to, and despite your better judgment telling you not to, you do. “I mean you sound nice-” You sound nice?? You were so fucking ridiculous, even you knew that wasn’t the thing to say. Joel’s eyes darken at your words, and for a moment you fear he’s going to kick you out, to get truly pissed off at you for the first time since you finished his Dr. Pepper stash.  “I didn't mean-” you try to backtrack “I just meant- it... You sounded like you were enjoying yourself at least-'' you were actively digging the hole that you were in deeper, rambling and stuttering, all while Joel just stared at you silently, his eyes burning into you

You swallow hard, his eyes still not leaving yours “listen I can go I'm sorry I shouldn't have-” you go to make a beeline out of the room but a firm hand pulling you back into the chair stops you. You fall back with an oof and look up at Joel, who by all accounts looked pissed but there was something else. His pupils were blown and his eyes trace every single one of your movements. The bear had managed to lock in the own cage you had set out for him. 

“Didn't tell you to leave.” he practically grunts at you. Ladies and gentlemen, your best friend, always the most well spoken person in the room. You move to protest again, but the look he gives you stops the words before they even form on your tongue.  you bite your lip and fiddle with your fingers unsure what to do “think I sound nice peaches?” his voice cuts through the anxious rambling in your brain and you're almost certain you've heard him wrong 

“Huh?” you look back up at him through your lashes. He was leaning against the wall where his microphone was set up. His sweats were riding low on his hips and his hoodie covered the toned muscles of his arms, that if anyone asked you had never stared at. The tanned skin you never dared to fantasize about in your bed. The hair that covered his arms, the veins that often made more appearances when you asked forced him to do manual labor that you refused to do yourself. 

“Asked if you think I sound nice, Peaches?” he hums, raising a questioning brow at you. your mouth opens and closes ridiculously a few times before you simply just nod at him  “that's good..” he muses as he comes back up to you “do you think about me?” he prods, a patronizing pout on his lips as you gape up at him. “when you're listening to those dirty little audios and lettin’ your fingers touch that needy cunt?”  you can't help but squeak at his words. the way he said them, the way he spoke was just so… familiar  “come on, pretty peach, tell daddy what you think about when you're fingering that slutty little pussy” he practically grins at you and it fucking clicks. 

Daddy. Daddy. It was him. The stupid cowboy, the random man whose voice sent your tummy into knots, the one who had been getting you off for weeks now was your best friend.  “Joel-” you practically whimper at him. You can feel your heart pounding in your chest and also very distinctly between your legs. “Listen i didn’t know it was you-” there’s a shit eating smirk on his face, one that you would have told him to wipe off his face before you smack it off in any other scenario. 

“No?” he hums at you, his brow quirked up as he towers over you in that stupid recording chair “didn't know it was me when you were commenting all those pretty little reviews?” You whimper out a noise, somewhere between a no and a general sound of timidity, as his hand tilts your chin up to meet his eyes  “Lemme see if I can remember what it was you said before I got you in the car today peach?” he takes a moment to obnoxiously tap his forehead mocking the way you recall things “what was it you said? ‘This made me late to see my friend, but it also made me ruin my sheets’? Was that it peaches?” 

You take a shaky breath, your skin burning under his intense gaze, chin still in his hands. You nod softly at his question, knowing that if you didn't, he would just push you until you did. His grin turns wolfish at your confirmation, and you feel him shift his legs between yours, pushing them apart “yeah peach?” he tuts at you “made me wait for almost 20 minutes outside your house. just so you could cum to my voice… ain’t real nice of you” You take a wobbly breath at his words and try to reply, unsure of what you would even say. An apology maybe, an explanation? But before you can even move to open your mouth he’s cutting you off again 

“Woulda just given you the real thing baby,” he tuts at you “all you had to do was ask.'' His voice is low and almost condescending. You shouldn’t let it turn you on, you should tell him to fuck off, but you feel yourself gush at his tone, your bottom lip getting caught between you teeth. He whistles at the look on your face, his cock practically straining against his sweats, “bet you’re just creamin’ in those slutty little shorts baby'' his words aren’t a question, he’s stating it like he can read you like a book because he knows he can. His legs shift to press your legs further apart until your knees are bumping into the arm rests, your eyes unwavering from his.

Your breath is caught in your throat as he leans down to you, his lips pressed up by one of your ears “Listen to me like this peaches?” he whispers into your ear, a warm breath making you shiver before he moves to the other side “like having me in your ears with your legs spread?” 

“Yes.. fuck yes yes I do-” your words are rushed and lustful as you feel his hands dip into the waistband of your panties. Your hips jolt up into his touch, panties absolutely drenched with your arousal. Your eyes flutter shut for a moment, lips parting with a silent cry of pleasure. 

“Knew she’d be droolin’ all over” he hums as he brings his slick covered finger up to his lips and tastes you with delectable pop when he pulls off. “Tastes like I fuckin’ imagined. Like a fuckin’ peach” he groans and for a moment you swear you could cum just like that. 

“Shit Joel please-” he cuts you off with a shake of his head and a shushing noise, as he steps away from you. Your legs are still spread against the chair and you practically whine when he moves away from you, flicking on his recording set up. “Joel what-” he shushes you again, giving you a look that leaves no room for argument. 

“Quiet,” he mumbles, fiddling with the mic and pulling the rolling chair closer to it. “Like listenin’ to me so much, thought i’d use you for better effects. You okay with that peaches?” he asks, looking down at you. Despite the teasing and the mockery, you knew he would stop if you told him you didn't want it. But the idea of him stopping, even for a moment was going to make you explode. You nod, maybe too eagerly for someone about to get fucked on microphone, and he grins. 

“God always knew you were fuckin’ desperate for it” he kneels between your legs, and you stifle a giggle when his knees pop.  “Quit it you menace” He swats at your thigh playful smirk on his lips, making you jump slightly. “Gotta stay real quiet for me, understand?” you watch with bated breath as he moves the mic so it rests delicately in the tension filled space between your spread thighs and his face. 

You nod, lips parted, pupils blown, cunt practically dripping for him. He lets out a soft hum of approval, lips pressing a soft kiss to your thighs “nothing fuckin’ softer than a pair of soft thighs” he muses, half to himself, half to you and the mic “could just live between them forever, die happy if a girl pretty as a peach would let me bury my face there.” You feel yourself clench around nothing, feeling maddeningly empty all of a sudden. You shift to try to gain some friction, the chair giving a slight creak at the change in position. Joel looks up and glares at you, your body going still immediately under the intensity of his eyes. 

He sticks his hand out behind him, pausing the microphone from recording. “You need to stay. still.” he grits out at you “don't need the whole internet hearing how much of a desperate little thing you are.” You nod at his words, hands gripping the armrests so hard your knuckles turn white. He flicks the mic back on and his lips find your thighs again. Nipping and kissing the soft flesh just below the hem of your shorts. He slides his hands further up, popping the button open and you have to bite down on your fist not to moan when he drags the zipper down with his teeth. He shimmies you out of your shorts, leaving your bottom half clad in your embarrassingly wet panties. 

He lets out a growl at the sight of your cunt, clothed and practically dripping for him. “Look at her… practically creaming already and I ain’t even touched you yet” He lets his thumb press against the wet spot the slight pressure just barely teasing your sopping hole dragging a breathy sigh out of you. You look down at him, eyes hooded and lips parting, practically begging for him without uttering a damn word. 

He looks up at you as he slides your panties to the side, blowing a stream of cold air straight onto your clit, making you jump. “Pretty fuckin’ pussy…” he practically salivates at the sight of you “nothin’ fucking better than seein’ a drippy, needy, little cunt in front of me…” he presses a kiss to the inside of your thigh, right next to where you want him, where you need his lips 

You feel a shiver run down your spine at his words. Somehow it felt filthier being able to see the look on his face, the absolute need he had to taste you. The grip he had on your thighs was bruisingly tight, not helping your arousal die down in the slightest. His mouth finally finds your slit, tongue licking a hot wet stripe at an agonizingly slow pace. He lets out a guttural moan and practically salivates at the taste of you. “Taste so fuckin’ sweet” he groans, tongue dipping back down to taste more of your slick. One of your hands leaves the armrest of the chair and moves to cover your mouth when his lips place three gentle kisses around your clit before relenting and wrapping his lips around the aching bud, with a quiet hum. 

You bite down on your hand to stifle the moans threatening to spill, desperate and eager to please him. Your thighs shake when he slips a finger into your dripping cunt and curls them to hit that spot. He lets out a chuckle, lips still sucking on your clit. The vibrations of his warm breath on your aching clit elicited a desperate wine from your mouth, despite how hard you were trying to be quiet for him “Ffffuck-” 

He raises a brow at you, not even pulling away from your skin, his baby eyes just gazing at you from between your legs as his fingers work at you. Your bottom lip gets caught between your teeth in an effort to stop your sounds, but your attempts seem futile as your climax starts to draw near. Joel slips a second finger inside of you with embarrassing ease, the sound of his fingers curling inside you, joined only by your soft little breaths and his lips on your clit. His fingers stretch you in ways your fingers never have, scissoring and sliding inside of you with practiced precision. “Atta fuckin’ girl..” he growls as your toes curl instinctively, heels digging into his shoulder blades as the coil inside of you finally snaps. You feel yourself gush on his fingers, your thighs clamping around his head as he works you through it “squirtin’ all over daddy’s face huh like the needy thing you are.” 

He pulls your legs off from his legs and hits save on the audio, before glancing back at you with a smirk. “Ain’t posting that anywhere..” he whispers, the gentleness a shocking turn around from the filth he whispered to you earlier. Your breath is still coming out in shaky pants, looking up at him through hazy lids “keepin’ that all to myself” he hums, pressing a little kiss on your head. 

He scoops you up like you’re a ragdoll and practically clomps over to his bedroom, throwing you onto the bed. His fingers work deftly at the tie of his sweats, pushing them off. You squeak softly when you see the trail of hair going down his pelvis, the lack of boxers making heat rise to your chest. You work your top off, while he throws his hoodie across the room, a guttural groan leaving his mouth as he sees your breasts. “Fuckin’ perfect..'' His words aren’t necessarily for you, his thoughts just find themselves being voiced aloud. His calloused hands grope and knead at the softness of your tits before he presses wet kisses to each of your nipples. “Need to be inside ya” he practically begs, cock hard against his stomach leaking pre-cum. 

You could salivate at the sight, hell you truly might have a little bit. “Fuck me, Daddy, need you to fuck me Joel, please i can be good im ready, I'm on the pill-” your words were babbled, fast and rushed together, your intense desire for the man in front of you the only thing your brain could comprehend. Your legs part on the bed, your arousal dripping down your thighs calling to him like flowers call to a honeybee. 

“Christ, baby,” he groans before grabbing your legs and pulling you to the edge of the bed. He fists his cock and slides it through your aching pussy, both of you letting out simultaneous cries of shit when your wetness coats his length. He slides into you with gentle thrusts, letting you adjust to his size slowly, before sinking in all the way with a soft whimper “take me so good…” his words are quiet and breathless, almost as if he was in awe of how your body made room for him. 

“Oh my god-” you cry out, your hands fisting in the dark sheets under your skin. “so fucking big joel..” you clench around him, body on fire with how good he felt inside you, with how perfect it was. It was like you were made to take him like this. His thrusts get faster and your legs curl around his waist, pulling him in as deep as you possibly could. The feeling of his hand pressing on your lower stomach has you arching your back into his touch. 

“Perfect fucking thing,” he grits huskier than usual, with a thrust that knocks the air from your lungs. “Feel me peaches?” he thrusts into you again and presses on your tummy “right fuckin’ there.. Right where I god damn belong…” his words were lust filled and hazy, his own need and orgasm clouding all judgment. Your hips roll against his, the coarse hair brushing up against you, and your head lolls back into the mattress as his thrusts get sloppier. 

“Inside, Joel fuck-” you whimper at him, eyes wide and pleading as your second orgasm builds in the pits of your belly “please cum inside me, wanna feel you please..” for a moment he swears he’s died and gone to heaven. The sounds of your pretty little moans and begging are like a dream come true for him. He just nodded and shifted so he was practically cradling your body under his, cock buried so deep inside you that you knew you’d be feeling it for days afterward. 

He grinds his hips lazily against yours while his thrusts are shallow and pointed. Your legs shake while you meet his lips in a sloppy kiss, all tongue and teeth as you both fall apart practically molded together. “Jesus christ-” his breathing is ragged and hoarse “takin’ me so damn good, gonna fuckin’ fill you up” he gives a few more thrusts before he pulls out of your quivering pussy, your own orgasm sending stars into your eyes. 

You both stay like that for a moment, Joel's forehead resting softly on your shoulder as his cum spills out onto his bed. You shift softly to pull him next to you and curl into his touch, giving him a cheeky smile as you tilt his face to meet your eyes. “You…” a breathless little laugh escapes your lips “how long did you know I was commenting on your posts?” you ask softly, brows raised at him. 

He snorts at the question and flicks your forehead gently, earning a playful pout to be thrown in his direction. “Bout damn near two weeks ago” he replies, classic shit eating grin plastered to his face. “Figured it was you when you came over lookin’ like you’d won the damn Powerball and some little fan called peaches_and_cream left a comment about cummin’ three times to one damn post” you let out a muffled groan and bury your head into his chest, mumbling something about him being an asshole before you both shift into a comfortable silence. 

He moves, patting your hip and telling you to go use the bathroom after a few minutes, preaching his favorite safe sex speech and you roll your eyes at him before you saunter over to his bathroom. “Oh and Joel-” you call out before you walk in, eyes meeting his as he waits for you to finish your sentence “send me that audio, would ya?” 

A/N: From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free

READ: This account stands with Palestine unequivocally, and so— I require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. Silence is complicity, do not scroll past this.

DO NOT BUY THE REMASTER, TLOU2, TLOU1, OR ANY GAME FROM NAUGHTY DOG! neil druckmann (the creator) is a zionist.

PLEASE READ THIS. AND REBLOG THIS. 

Thank you for reading, and free Palestine

[autisticempathydaemon]

Hello... again! Are you hyperfixated on RedactedAudio?

Do you want (need) to know who to follow to cultivate your dashboard and feed your gremlin brain good, good boyfriend roleplay content and my first recommendation post of magnificent fan-artists and fan-writers wasn't enough dopamine for you?

Cool, I’ve got you, and I’ve got even more hyperlinks. Buckle up.

(Note: This is by no means a comprehensive, objective, or complete list, as I have biases and favorites and limited time. If you feel I've missed someone, please feel free to reblog with your additions! I just would have loved a guide like this when I got into the fandom back in August 2022 and wanted to spread some positivity~!)

Fanfiction:

@agentplutonium: they/them

Pluto is just one of the many gorgeous people who've migrated to Tumblr now that Twitter is, ya know, on fire. I've been following them on Tiktok for ages, and I'm so pleased they joined us on tumblr now! Highlights: "Constant" and "Inconvenience" mean the world to me, because there are just not enough aspec headcanons in the fandom, we could always have more.

@angelicaether: they/them

Aether is a fucking gem unto this fandom- not only do they run Sky Side, a friendly, closeknit (hehe) server for 21+ Redacted fans but they also were who we have to thank for Redacted Kinktober 2023, bless them~ Highlights: New Job Posting is magnificent if you’re in the mood for some David/Angel smut today and this cute couple crossover fic if you’re feeling more SFW!

@caelumsnuff: they/them

Phoenix is magnificent, creative, and endlessly sweet. I also respect the hell out of anyone that can take the anon hate that they get with as much grace and attitude as they do /gen /pos Highlights: I love this gift for the Quinn-fuckers they wrote, I do, but I have to admit I'm partial to the Imperium!Vincent/Imperium!Asher piece they did, because their tension and hatred was just too palpable to deny, I needed it.

@empydoc: any pronouns

Empy's Soul Eater AU has not only taken over my life but has also got me deeply wanted a Soul Eater rewatch. God forbid xe succeed because this post has already been delayed enough /j Highlights: I love the Marcus/Asset post, because that's my favorite pairing but also because Asset as both an android and a weapon is so, so interesting. Blake/Bestie's is also a particular gem, because being a meister just gives him a new dimension to his manipulation and I love it.

@floofdeloop: she/her

Not only is Floof a beloved fic writer but she's also one of the adored DJs of the fandom. Are you really a fan if you haven't looked up Redacted on Spotify and saved all her playlists? /j Highlights: Her whole playlist page is literally so good, but I love the cute, domestic vibes of this Geordi one or the tragic, angsty, Britrock vibes of this Porter playlist~!

@joshusten: they/them

Sten is one of if not the writer that comes to mind when you're looking for amazing Guy/Honey content! Highlights: Bitter Melon is my personal favorite of their work; what can I say? I'm a sucker for a little jealousy in my fics. You also can't miss Honeysuckle, their most recent piece which gets into Guy's canonically less-than-pure mind~

@pinksparkl: she/her

Gosh, where would we be without her? Pink never has a bad word or thought for anyone and just persists in being a delightful, sweet presence in the fandom. Highlight: I can't decide what I'm more obsessed with- their Adam-centric fic exploring the Progeny/Maker bond or their nsfw Gavin-centric with his tail exploring Freelancer nudge nudge wink wink

@redlikeredacted: they/them

Just as their blog says, they are the CEO of Dasher. In my head, they are the president of both the David/Asher and the Autistic!David fan clubs, and I'd vote for them a second and third term okay I love Red Highlights: Their "David bottoming for the first time" fic is everything to me okay I am here for nothing but this except maybe this Milo fic where he gets Aggro~

@teafairywithabook: she/they

A lovely writer, voice actor, and person, Cheri does it all! With a whole 34 Redacted works on AO3, they are a must-follow. Highlights: I'll provide the masterlist of previously mentioned works, but I must recommend her nsfw Avior/Starlight fic keeping us sated until we finally get an Avior BA and their fic of Alexis's POV of Sam's turning I couldn't not okay I'm just a person I have biases

@tepid-judas: he/they/it

My favorite Adam stan, my friend, and the person who converted me into an Adam/Brighteyes shipper, I thank Judas every day for that. Highlights: I love their series of epistolary fics, because who doesn’t love a good letter, but I would be remiss if I didn’t rec his DAMN polycule plus Xavier fic cause fuck canon let's add frosty the snowman to the orgy /lh

@themonotonysyndrome: she/her

Lady, my dearest friend and greatest foe~ How else do I describe the gorgeous, sociable, friendly person who bought Alexis/Christian into the world and ruined my life? (affectionate) Highlights: Let these two assholes in love take you on a ride, fall in love with them too. If that's not your vibe, I cannot recommend enough her insane, gen z Bright Eyes being an absolute fucking terror /pos

Fanart:

@androgynouspenguinexpert

Can YOU believe Penguin's only been posting art since, like, December? I certainly can't, because it's like they've drawn every boy at this point and each is as smoochable and adorable as the last. Highlights: Their Porter is one of my favorites; what can I say? Who can resist this high ponytail and cape combo? I also love their Hush, cause look at him~! He's adorable! Penguin gives all these boys such luscious, floofable hair; I love them!

@cute-brainz: she/they/it

Kindly, lovingly, respectfully, Cute's listeners designs reduce me to a sniveling, simpering puddle of a simp. I become nothing but a humble, simple straight man, and none of you came blame me good god their listeners are hotter than all the redacted men- Highlights: Like, look at their Lovely: the hair, the singlet, the VIBES? Fuckin irresistible; like Vincent, I'd give them anything their heart desires. And their ANGEL? The MINUTE David Shaw fumbles that bag, I'm on my knees with a ring hello earth angel will you be mine

@darling-solaire

Darl has been posting art for only a month and a half at the writing of the post, and yet I feel like I've loved their Solaires for forever. They, as a unit, are hot and tragic as fuck, and I love them. Highlights: I am obsessed, particularly, with the Solaire family portraits, but maybe that's because my girl Alexis is up there, and I love her. There's also this bust compilation of more Redacted boys in case you didn't find your favorite in the Solaires~!

@free-boundsoul: she/her

Okay so, like, vibe with me did you ever love Lisa Frank products with the bright, saturated colors and sparkling eyes but wish instead of cuddly animals that there were really hot men? Then Savvie is the artist for you~ Highlights: One, it's fun to see a Regulus that's not blue, okay? It's thinkin outside the box. Two, the CRACKS? WITH THE GOLD PEEKING THROUGH? I'm inconsolable my god. Speaking of daemons, Fool!Gavin is sort of everything to me. He's just really rocking that sweater vest!

@hotmcrodz: he/they

I know for a fact that I'm not the only one obsessed with the way Jai draws human anatomy. I have unironically seen a Jai piece in the tag and gone "WOWZA" like I'm Jim Carrey in The Mask; that's what they do to me. Highlights: This Milo was one of the pieces that made my eyes pop out my head like a cartoon wolf; I think it's the shirtlessness plus the muscle pose. I just couldn't handle it. I also reacted like that to their Babe because I am an equal opportunity pervert /hj

@izzuku: he/they

Izzuku designs characters with the most realistic and gorgeous body types; like, I love the soft jawlines and how warm and touchable they draw skin. Every Izzuku design is kissable as hell. Highlights: I have to recommend his Regulus and Hush designs, obviously, they're my favorite men. However, I can't let the world go by another rotation without recommending this special Halloween version of Vincent~!

@kilarthmac: she/they

In case we needed another reason to love and appreciate the iconic timestamping account we all recognize from the Redacted comments, we cannot neglect their fanart! Highlights: Like, look at this brought-back-wrong Vega! This Hush with his cute face and off-putting air! He's so cute and so weird! I also love this piece they've done for one of my favorite rarepairs, Imperium!Lasko/Adam~

@latenightsleeper: he/they/it/she

My kinfolk and my beloved, one of the few people who understand me and the vision that is beautiful, blonde, dumb and lovable Christian. They will give you so many feelings about Darlin and Christian, and they will cause you agony /pos Highlights: Obviously, I'm obsessed with the Tank/Christian art like this one (Christian is just so cuuute), but we're all obsessed with this Sam/Darlin animatic set to Eat Your Young.

@maxpaulll

An amazing artist that I'm so glad we managed to get to migrate to Tumblr from Twitter so I could put them on this list~ Highlights: I am obsessed always with their Indigenous character designs, especially David. Like, look at him, he's indescribably beautiful, outshone by no one except maybe Max's Imp!Vega, because oh my god look at him~

@nortyourself: she/her

I don't think there's anyone who's not obsessed with at least one of Rachel's pieces; like, I believe she'll get to every Redacted man with the speed and beauty she works. Even Reticuli has gotten the Rachel treatment and been made hot af. Highlights: Technically, this Imperium!Damien just takes me breath away; like, it would be blown up and framed in his palace (for all of his short and tempestuous reign). Personally, her Hush has a dear and special place in my heart. He's just my favorite~!

@penncilkid: any pronouns

One of the most gorgeous and darling and non-stop creators in the space! They're a true triple threat, kicking our hearts in the butt with their art, their writing, and their audio roleplay series~ Highlights: With so many mediums under their belt, it's so hard to choose. If you're looking for purely Redacted content, their art is prolific and so creative, I've got to share the whole gallery. If you're in the market for a new VA to fall in love with, you've got to check out their youtube channel~!

@pycth: any pronouns

I dont have anything creative or profound to say here- all of pycth's designs are smoking hot and would render me selectively mute with a glance, 'nuff said. Highlights: How can I PICK? Ugh, hottest of the hot that comes to mind has got to be their President Moore art; like, this pose isn't FAIR. On the other end of the spectrum, if you want your heart kicked in the butt, I don't think any of us are over this Sam piece or ever will be.

@rainingcatsandjune: any pronouns

Another new artist who's only been here since April, and yet- I would die for his and his fine-ass, touchable Sam. Like, hell, render any man pretty like that, and I'll die for him. That's how pretty this art is. Highlights: Like, look at him. How does one do anything but look at him, especially in this pose? Again, look at him! Look at the hands. The soft, touchable glow and how it lights and shades his and Darlin's skin. The broad shoulders good god~

@sainthowlzon: they/he

You can't turn a corner on tumblr without seeing some of Howl's adorable Scribble Dolls or Icons! (Or any other social media actually. I feel like I've deffo seem some of Howl's icons on Tiktok too.) They're cute, they're iconic, and there's one for almost everyone! Highlights: Here's that full set of icons for your perusal; my personal favorite is Asset's. And here's the full set of Redacted Scribble Dolls; my favorite is Regulus, I think, because of his freaky vibes, but it's so hard to pick!

@sincerelywhistler: any pronouns

Like everyone with a working set of eyes and a beating heart, I am obsessed with all of Wes's designs; like, who wouldn't fall in love at first sight with all those beautiful and often shirtless people? Highlights: There's honestly too many to pick from, but I'll TRY. Their Gavin is an absolute must, I share it with the Discord on sight, he's that it girl if you will. Oh, and one cannot neglect Avior's HBS piece; I'm not even an Avior girlie, and I was like daaaaaamnnnnnnn~

@slushiepizza: they/them

Where would all the guy-lovers be without Slushie and their absolute cornucopia of Guy and Honey delights? Like, where else would we get our homemade, MacGyver'd serotonin? Highlights: The "Everyday" series is everything to me, and I mean everything; Guy has become too relatable and has struck me right in the heart. If you're not in a Guy mood, I'm also in love with their older, cozy Anton~!

@s0lairee: she/they

Jo's style is just so clean, so cute, and I really love it when they play with lighting in their pieces. Like, we are almost, almost there to making me stan Vincent if you're gonna drape him in moonlight like that... Highlights: ...thought, if I had to pick, I'd probably lean more towards Vincent's partner. They're rocking the red eyes, I love them! I'm also obsessed with their freckle-y, sweet Lasko, because who isn't?

@strawberrybouvine: he/they

The artistic equivalent of gourmet candy, I am absolutely obsessed with the gorgeous colors of Jasper's art and cannot get enough of the sweetness! Is this sugar running through my veins or unparalleled cuteness? Highlights: I'm not even a David stan but, like, jesus christ, the long hair and hairy chest makes me want to go feral. Don't even get me started on the cuteness of his chibi art, I really will start foaming at the mouth.

@theflowersaremine

I don't know exactly what medium Haylin uses or what colors or effects they use, but goddamn it makes those men so dreamy. I'm not even a Sam stan, but that's a smoochable man right out of Gilmore Girls /pos Highlights: Like, are you seeing the Gilmore Girls vision? That's a handsome man from a wholesome show geared for women- almost as handsome as this art of David. I see this smile in my dreams; it's so beautiful.

@venuslove-28: any pronouns

Venus's art is strawberry and vanilla soft serve injected straight into my heart; it's so familiar and cute, so charming, and I want to stim and bounce in excitement when I see it. Does that make sense? It'll make sense when you see it. Highlights: Personally, I have never and I will never stop thinking about this Huxley, I am simply not capable. Their Avior is also cuter than all get-out, I must admit.

@wingless-cupid

I don't think anyone does cute and colorful and pastel and kawaii quite like Cupid. You can't help but look and admire all the eye-catching colors and then want to hug their cheery, dynamic characters! Highlights: I'm highkey obsessed with their Freelancer and DAMNily and all their d(a)emons in general. Like, look at this! Minh is such a cutie and a simp, I love them! I'm also constantly thinking about this art in particular, because look at all these PRICELESS EXPRESSIONS!

@yoteako: he/it

Would you like stunning, high quality art and tragic, old man yaoi on your dash? That's a silly question; of course you do which is why we're going to follow and love on Yote. Highlights: See how beautiful, doomed, and intimate this multi-page comic is about two characters who've never canonically spoken? That's devotion. On the less forsaken side of the narrative, their Gavin/Lasko ship art is embedded into my heart.

If you’re reading all the way here, I hope you found the post helpful and smiled while making your way through it! Or both! The RedactedAudio fandom is truly one of my favorite spaces on the internet; it’s so intimate and creative, and I’ve found some amazing, perfect friends here, so I hope you will too 💖

[esvcort]

nsfw drabble of Rafayel?👉👈

hi anon ^^ thank you so much for sending a request! i'm not really proud of how this turned out but i still hope you like it (⁠；⁠^⁠ω⁠^) i'm so sorry this took a while! i've been grinding non-stop to get some gems since the pulse hunter banner is about to end and i still don't have the cards i've been aiming for (>/////< " ) it's so hard being f2p out here TuT

cw: nsfw, 18+ content, fingering, clit rubbing for like 2 seconds (again), i mention drool once, kinda ooc rafayel (?) i think

my requests are open for the lads men!

"hah! rafayel! hng…" you squirm in his embrace, clutching his arms as he spreads your shaking legs wide with his own, preventing you from closing them altogether. his fingers are relentless with how it plays with your drenched cunt, his thumb rubbing circles on your clit while his middle and ring finger slide in and out of your leaking hole. you feel your head spin from the pleasure and rafayel's hold tightens at the sudden jolt of your body.

"shh, shh, i got you, baby." he coos quietly beside your ear, placing a sloppy kiss on the side of your neck. his fingers plunge deeper into your pussy knuckle deep, constantly hitting that spongey spot that has you squealing and gripping his arm.

"oh fuck, yes! rafayel, there!" it starts to feel so good that you fuck back onto rafayel's fingers, eyes rolled back and tongue lolling out of your mouth as you start spilling some drool.

"feel good, baby?" rafayel's voice comes out somewhat broken, and he can't even explain why. his throat is drying up from the obscene sight in front of him, your divine and heavenly body right at his mercy. it's so fucking hot how you're furiously grinding against his lithe fingers, trying to come.

"yea… yeah… feels so fucking good…" your brain scrambles to even put a coherent sentence together when all it can think of is good, good, good. the words are slurred as it comes out of your sweet mouth, its whispers reaching rafayel's reddened ears.

"so pretty… just for me." his lips trace the line of your shoulder up to the bottom of your ear. greed fills up his heart to the brim with dark selfish desires, wanting to keep you all for himself. he already has you in his arms, but why must he stop there?

he wants to invade all of your thoughts, leaving fragments of himself in every crevice of your mind. wants you to think of him, and only him, so you don't forget. he never wants you to forget him again.

likes and reblogs are much appreciated!!