#thank you to those who read my rant as a broke person who only wishes to buy lolita pieces

[yorufi]

prince of mondstadt 🍃

[lunar-rcp]

When you saved me (And now, I'll save you)

☆ tags ; . . Hurt/Comfort, fluff!

!! note : this is practically an epilogue to “The justice that lies within my heart”, please read that first to understand this oneshot! This is basically Roy taking care of Poli after the gunshot, and the entire shock of the gunshot settled in (so much poli angst..)

. . .

There he was, nestled deeply in the comfort of his own bed. Poli had been off duty for a while now, more than he can count. How long has it even been? Time felt endless for the police car, but at the same time; It also felt too fast for his liking.

The others had tended to him during those times. Something he really appreciated. However, there was a singular person who had visited him the most.

A peculiar kind fire engine, with a soft spoken voice that could soothe others to ease. Roy.

Out of all the people who had visited him; Roy visited him the most. Roy always managed to crack a joke, tell Poli about the stories he had while he was on patrol, and occasionally even bring him food.

He cared so much.

So why couldn't he even manage to have a small grin throughout this week?

Poli was in a daze. He didn't understand.

Poli drew a long sigh, pulling the covers closer to his face. This week has been a rollercoaster of emotions for everyone and yet he hasn't even felt an ounce of emotion. Poli felt like he was ungrateful.

“Pfft,” Poli snorted. “Imagine not even expressing your emotions properly, god– get a hold of yourself, Poli.” He silently ranted to himself as he gripped the sheets tighter.

“Uh, Poli?” A distant voice came from outside the door. A voice all too familiar.

Roy.

“Mm,” Poli hummed. “Come in.” Poli replied in a monochrome tone.

Roy couldn't help but feel a little saddened by how lifeless Poli had looked throughout the week. He wished that he could just see a smile, any emotion would suffice, really.

The fire engine was worried sick.

With a deep exhale, Roy hesitantly pushed open the door with his free arm. On his other hand he was carrying a tray with a porcelain bowl filled with rice. A smaller dish was also next to the bigger one. As to not leave the rice tasteless, Roy had also prepared a few layers of kimchi on the smaller plate. Roy easily had claimed the title of being the best cook out of the entire team, something he admittedly held pride to.

“I, uh–” Roy stammered awkwardly, reading off the script he had mentally prepared before going in. “Brought you some food. Do you need any help with eating? Because, Y'know–”

Roy sighed. “Your arm.”

“Hm.” Poli gave it some thought. He wasn't really hungry the past weeks; not even in the slightest. He had only eaten revoltingly so as to not worry his peers further. “I'm not really that hungry, but you can place it on the nightstand.” Poli gave a small weak smile. “I'll be.. fine.” Would he, really?

“Ah, okay.” Roy averted his eyes towards the side. He knew Poli a little too well to know that smile wasn't genuine. Though, he thought it was best to not push it too far. Slow, little steps were the key to dire situations in Roy's mindset.

Roy gently placed the tray of food onto the nightstand. “Do.. you mind if I sit here?” Roy shuffled his foot.

Poli gazed wearily out of the window, not facing the fire engine. “Like I've said, go ahead. You don't need to ask, it's alright.” Poli answered Roy's question in a dull tone. Poli had also noticed that his tone of voice changed a lot compared to his usual cheerful demeanor.

“Alright, thank you.” Roy slid a wooden stool next to Poli's bed and sat down on it with his hands on his knees.

A minute of silence passed by. It was.. rather hard for Roy to speak out for whatever reason. Usually, he'd have no problem chatting with Poli. But this time it was different.

And he wasn't liking it.

“Uhm, so–” Roy broke the silence. “How's the shoulder? Is it, uh–.. Feeling better?” If Roy was in a competition of the worst small talker, he'd win with flying colors.

“I suppose.. It's fine.” Poli turned his head towards his shoulder, softly brushing over it with his hand. “It's not unbearable anymore, at least.” Poli faked out a chuckle. Anything to brighten up the impending tension.

God, he felt so selfish. He became this sullen, weary person.

He couldn't even muster up the emotion towards the fact he had just been shot just a few weeks ago.

Was this.. his mindset blocking out his feelings?

He didn't know. But.. he wasn't liking this. He noticed over the past weeks, everyone has lost their personality.

This was all his fault. Looking at Roy's saddened expression felt like his heart shattering into millions of pieces.

Roy doesn't need to tirelessly deal with him. He'll have to deal with himself, even if it means he'd add up to Roy's worry.

“Just go, please.” Poli quickly spoke out. Roy's eyes slightly widened at Poli's sudden words, taking a moment's time to even comprehend his request.

“A–Are you sure?” Roy sheepishly asked, fidgeting with his hands covertly. Poli only nodded his head before turning away. He felt too cruel to even look him in the eyes.

(Poli, you monster.) Were words repeated in Poli's head like a carousel at the amusement park.

“Ah.. alright, then.” A sad glint shone in Roy's eyes, but there was nothing he could do. Roy softly breathed out as he pushed the wooden stool back into its proper place.

“See you, Poli.” Roy said his goodbyes, leisurely stepping towards the door.

Poli wanted to return with a simple goodbye, but something held him back.

He felt spewing emotions preparing to erupt out of him.

“By–By..” Poli's voice trembled at the same pace his hands were. Tears pricked at his eyes, it stung.

Instead of a goodbye, it was a plea.

“P–Please,” Poli stuttered. “Don't go!” Poli loudly exclaimed, stopping Roy in his tracks. It was so different from the tired voice he spoke with.

“Huh, Poli? Is there somethi–” Roy turned to face Poli, but that was the arrow to break Poli's ice-cold mask.

Poli cried. He was crying.

“I–I'm, ohmygosh–” Poli could barely muster a coherent sentence over the tears that overflowed from his eyes. “I didn't mean to– I–” He desperately tried to speak out, but to no avail.

“Poli!” Roy made quick steps to his now sobbing best friend. He carefully took Poli's hands into his. The fire engine tenderly rubbed the back of Poli's hands with his thumbs.

“It will be okay, just breathe with me.” Roy exhaled softly, in which Poli had done the same. It didn't take too long for their breaths to be in sync. Although Poli's breaths were shaken, the breathing exercise did help.

“You're doing great.” Roy's face softened. “You've calmed down a little. Now, could you tell me what's wrong, Poli?” His gaze was set on his hands. He didn't want to freak out the police car if he had stared directly back in his eyes.

“It's– J–Just,” Poli sniffed. “I feel so terrible. I--I've been terrible to all of you– And I'm just so sorry.” Poli escaped one of his hands out of Roy's grasp, he frantically tried to wipe away his tears. But, that was when Roy stopped him when he gently wrapped a hand around his wrist.

“You aren't terrible. Please, don't say that.” Roy let go of his hand to wipe away a tear with his thumb. “Remember? You're the heart of the team, Poli. You have saved us countless times.”

“So, please,” Roy placed a hand onto his own collarbone with a determined look that had sparked. “Let me save you, just this once.”

“Roy..” Poli muttered quietly. “How did I even deserve you?” Another tear formed in his eye.

But, this was a different one.

A happy one.

The road may be bumpy, but there were always others for him to help him along the way.

And Poli truly appreciated that.

[slytherinsarcasam]

Tw! Mentions of suicide, depression and anxiety and mentions of abuse.

So its a bit over a month since i tried atempted to take my own life, and this was after i was a visit to mental hospital for 5 days.

This wont make a lot of sense but i will try. It was the first attempt i tried, but suicide thoughts is something ive had since i was about 14. I dont know how long ive been struggling with depression and anxiety but its a long long time.

I honestly felt like nobody cared, or loved me. I was so deep in these thoughts daily, i even had nightmares about my abusive parents actually caring about me. I cried myself to sleep and slept so little and honestly could not tell you what day it was.

And i was so so angry, for not trusting my siblings, and i somehow still dont. For not telling more people, but also for those i cared about and spoke to and for a few of them how i broke their hearts, how i made them cry. Mabye it made me more depressed i honestly cant answer that.

So i actually tried to kill myself, i still do, just not as strongly. But my sister saved me buy calling the ambulanse for me (dw it dont cost a fortune as i live in Norway)

And while i dont regret trying it was the aftermath that truly broke me. Not only did i see family and friends cry, people i love with all my heart. But what broke me was my oldest sister, my younger brother and my best friend. Seeing my older sister and best friend cry hurt me alot. But my baby brother, a person i have basicly raised since i was 8 hearing him cry over almost not having me around, was the one thing that made me into a sobbing mess. And i made a promise that day, for him. I will never try again, for him.

Sometimes i wish i tried to ask for help more, that i fought a little harder, and yet i could not and would not. I did not want to be saved in a sense. I am so used to the pain and not getting the help i need that the only thing i could think about, was ending it all.

I wish i was a better person, so that i regret my actions, so that they can feel safe it wont happen again.

But i think deep down we all know i am still a danger to myself and the only thing keeping me here is a promise to a brother only so i know he wont kill himself in response. Bc even if i now live a safe place and have a job, i dont want to be here. I cant see myself becoming old.

I hope i can read this back once, that ive healed enough from that abuse to not go back at where i am today. I hope i can keep that one promise, and become a better person only if it is for my brother that ive raised.

I hope i find joy in those little things, that at the moment looks like giant hills to klimb, bc i will never be able to do this for myself, only for others. And it might be wrong for me to only doing things for others. But until i find away to do it myself its the only reliable way for me to stay on this earth.

I hope i heal enough not to hurt others, bc i know it will be my downfall eventually.

And somehow i find hope in that, that i can eventually heal, i hope i do bc i have not been living since i was 14, i was surviving in a world i wanted to get away from, and i hope one day i can say im actually living. That ive apologise to those i hurt and also left behind this who hurt me...

Thats it for my little rant, if you read so far thank you!

[hanzaikyou]

Picaresque Seven - A Review

So. I ended up watching Picaresque Seven last night (as I had been intending to do for a solid few months now). I was enticed by the lure of one Shogo Suzuki, and found myself an emotional rollercoaster; honestly quite perfect, considering my headspace at the time of watching. 

It was also quite cool to see Hosogai Kei in a stage, something I hadn’t actually seen before now. He’s a captivating actor, and I may need to find out if he was in anything else. 

The costuming was astounding. Every character, everything was over-the-top and eyecatching. The changing costumes of certain characters, the symbolism of the colours, it worked so well. (I also may need to make myself Jack The Ripper’s outfit. She looked awesome). 

It was really interesting to see how the writers could incorporate so many elements and references, yet still maintain a cohesive (if a little crazy) storyline. Shakespeare is referenced in at least two character groups, those being Macbeth (and the Witches) and King Richard the Third. Alongside them, there are several historical figures, in Oda Nobunaga and Jack the Ripper, and other classic literature characters with Peter Pan (and Captain Hook) and the Phantom of the Opera. It makes for a lively cast of characters, with a lot of big personalities and conflicting character motivations. 

I will continue this in the readmore, as I wish to discuss a few things with spoilers, particularly surrounding Shogo’s Macbeth, so if you’re good with those feel free to read on. If not, you may stop here, but do consider watching it if you’ve the chance; it is so, so worth it. 

If you wish to find it, the video can be found through the lovely furyposting, and subtitles have been made by the amazing aoihono96. I must thank them both profusely for enabling me to watch this absolute treasure of a musical. 

Now on to my ranting. 

Unsurprisingly, Shogo Suzuki’s Macbeth was by far my favourite character. For one thing, this man plays unstable and dangerous very, very well, and this character does a good job of embodying that. (On another more personal level, seeing the man who played William-Shakespeare-Nerd-Moriarty play a Shakespeare character was just a lot of fun.)

But beyond all that, I just really enjoyed his character arcs, seeing him unravel his trauma. Watching him go from this seemingly hard shell with an unshakable resolve and no issues taking down anyone in his way to a broken man having achieved his goal and trying to face what he’d done to get there, from not caring at all about his life to that final damn line, it was a journey and I’m glad I got to watch it. This boy broke my heart twice. 

The arc between Macbeth and Jack, then, was an interesting one to follow. These two aren’t good for each other. They make each other so much worse. Their beginning was... rocky, I think I’ll say (certain heavily implied acts are definitively not consensual), and yeah there’s probably problems with it. But the writing of it was so interesting from a character building perspective, the storyline of two horrendously flawed individuals that ended the only way it could, in tragedy, it was just so damn facinating to follow. Also their final big interaction was just so raw. Like:

“Don’t love me, I’m a scoundrel!”  “I’ll be waiting for you in Hell.”

It just hits so hard. And all of that after such an emotionally charged fight scene between two individuals that... god they were so messed up. I need fics for them. If there are none, I’ll make them. 

And then that ending. God, that ending. 

“It’s frustrating. I wanted to live together with him.”

This from the man who’s been basically wanting to die from the first moment he stepped on the stage, who is facing death for real, who has finally found himself a reason to live. I have no issues admitting that I bawled my damn eyes out. Pretty sure Shogo himself bawled his eyes out when watching it back too, if what I’ve seen of the cast commentary is to be believed. 

Anyway. I loved this thing, I’ll probably be being a menace on the tl about it for the next week or two, feel free to join me. 

Also the AO3 tag for the series will be made in the next couple days, bet. 

[evansbby]

“this book is so good and the themes are so apt and the author is a genius and I don’t know how to explain this so it is overwhelming me” type of feeling//

You’re literally reading my mind rn because this is exactly how i felt!! Like I remember after reading tbosas again a few months ago, I just sat there on my bed staring at the wall for like 10 minutes because I didn’t know what to do with myself😭😭 I wish I could go back and read it for the first time tbh. But I absolutely LOVED Lucy, and I felt so bad for her, you have no idea😭 My baby deserved better. I legitimately cried when I was nearing the end of the book because I was also so delusional, telling myself that Snow and Lucy would have a happy ending together when I KNEW that Snow never deserved her and that he was so toxic. I do think Snow loved Lucy at some point but he thought he was weak for loving her, and that BROKE me😭

And don’t get me started on Sejanus because I’ll start crying again if I think about him. I literally cried for like 10/15 minutes bc I felt so bad! Shit was so intense I could feel it in my chest. I still don’t know how Snow could betray him like that just for power, especially after making Sejanus believe they were best friends since they were kids. Props to Suzanne Collins on how she described their relationship because I bawled my eyes out reading about his death, and especially his last words💔💔💔

I have to stop myself otherwise, I’ll start ranting and then I’m going to cry thinking about the last 100 pages or something😭😭 But do you also just feel this pang of hurt in your chest everytime you think about Lucy or Sejanus because my heart hurts for them. And just this overwhelming feeling of betrayal. I can’t😭😭😭

(Also thank you🩷🩷 Exams are stressing the shit out of me but thank god it’s done now🥲 I legit almost started crying when I was walking to the lecture hall)

-🌺

No please now I’m getting emotionally invested all over again 😭😭

Sejanus WAS Snow’s best friend, whether Snow wants to admit that or not. Snow always inwardly hated him but based on his behaviour towards Sejanus, he was literally the only one who acted like a friend to him (up until the end… when you really think the two of them have bonded low-key despite Snow inwardly still scorning him… you still think they’re sort of bffs now… and then the betrayal is so awful and hits so hard 😭😭🥲🥲)

I’m literally the same as you! After I finished tbosas I just started at my wall and my heart hurt so much 😭😭 bc how could a person be SO CRUEL??! To the girl he loved no less??? The whole third act is so cute like when Snow and Lucy reunite in the meadow??? The same Katniss and Peeta meadow??? 😭😭😭😭 I thought it was so cute and ugh!!! The parts of Lucy and Snow in district 12 is my fav part of the whole book!

But also… it’s crazy how possessive Snow was in his narration. Always calling her “his girl” and just AHHHH I really thought she could change him 😭😭😭😭😭 and their first kiss 🥲🥲🥲 BUT IT WAS NEVER REALLY LOVE FROM HIS END, JUST A NEED TO POSSESS HER AND I HATE THAT! Bc I low-key think a part of him truly loved her and he squashed that out bc he thought it made him weak 😭😭😭

And yes I do feel the pang of hurt when I think about those two. That whole book’s last part makes me feel sick.

I URGE ANYONE WHO HASNT READ TBOSAS TO PLEASE READ IT!!!

[celestie0]

hello ellieeee!!!!

your responses always have me crying ngl!!! somethings you tell me are so precious to me that they make my day, iloveyousomuch!!!

kisses for you here 💋💋💋💋💋💋💋

i’m sure you’re the most fun person to be around in real life, at least id be having the time of my life with you.

i hate kaito and i love for writing him so despicable and annoying. i aspire to write a character like him the way you’ve done.

it’s one thing to let people know about our experience and it’s a whole different level of evil to pull them down to your level of failure because you’re insecure and jealous. kai falls in the second category.

nobody else could tell??? i’m sure they didn’t point it out like me. hopefully, i always panda kun to be recognised!!! he’s my favourite character in jjk. i love pandas in general.

it’s fine, dw, after that ending you don’t have to worry about getting a counsel to represent you for my emotional distress!

reader and geto are giving a very tough competition to kickoff!gojo. but ykw i love gojo, he’s my sweetheart. the love of my life. the apple of my eye. ishouldstop.

no because youve done justice to canon!gojo in this sense, their approach to grieving is similar, except kickoff!gojo is less unhinge and dare i say it: more swoon-worthy. i wanna be like gojo at compartmentalizing and yk just…ive had multiple public breakdowns in uni and i’m so very embarrassed by them, i wish i was more like kickoff!gojo in dealing with them. yk where he calmed himself down for our dear reader? like that. i’m still so impressed by that one scene. it’s so close to my heart. i wish people in my life do that for me. calm down instead of bursting out.

ur so emotionslly intelligent my love and ur empathy is enouhh to make me tear up 😭 ppl in ur life must feel so safe w you

you’re the only person who’s said this to me, and god im smiling like an idiot WHILE tearing up. you’ve no idea how much this means to me, itd get awkward if i start ranting about it. BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

thank you for sharing kickoff with us! it literally makes my heart melt and heals me.

i read it with stuff going because it heals me. kickoff has healing abilities. you are just not aware!

you’ve all my prayers and vibes for yourself!!!! you’re such a wonderful soul to have around (even virtually). i appreciate all of you 🥹

it’s so sweet of to be writing and entire character representing her. it always warms my heart when people love their best friends so much and actually make sure that everyone knows that!!!

STOP MAKING ME FLUSTERED!!! IM FLATTERED AS I AM HOLYSHIT I LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT READING THIS AND GRINNING LIKE A CAT!!!! ILSYM!!! YOURE THE SWEETEST OF ALL!!

🫶🏻💌

hiiii bb YOUR responses always have me crying pls 😭😭😘💋 i feel like i’d lov hanging out w you too haha 🤣 its giving picnic hangout on the beach w champagne vibes LOL

and yes very true ugh kai is despicable but i really hope he wasn’t comically awful 🤣 i realized in writing ch9 how fkn difficult it is to write a sort of gray character (until theyre revealed to be horrible) idk how a lot of authors/show writers do it

aw girl i hear you ab those university breakdowns 😭😭 the amt of times i broke down crying in my car pls 💀 i think my lowest point was when i full on started sobbing in the library it was so embarrassing🧍🏻‍♀️i also started crying in front of my professor once during office hrs n he didnt know what to do n just handed me a box of tissues 😭 i wanna disappear……but thats besides the point lol. yeah compartmentalizing can be useful sometimes but i think it’s super healthy to let emotions out too for sure :”) but no fs if only i had the composure of gojo in that scene in certain cases haha. it’s like blondie in this is me trying “my words shoot to kill when im mad” thats so me 😭😭 i shld be better ab that

AWW ofc ab the comment u highlighted n also for sharing kickoff :””) im so happy my words made u happy, i really mean them!

and aaa yes my friend isnt even a jjk fan bahaha but she said she’d read kickoff if i started posting it so i had to tribute her somehow 🤣 plus i use her for reference for a lot of the film major stuff so it was the least i could do (lol sort of funny note but when kai mentions working shifts at a movie theater bc he thought a director would notice him……my friend has actually done that LMAOO i kinda roasted her for that 💀💀 yikes)

OFC MY DARLING I LOVE TALKING TO U N BOUNCING FEELS N IDEAS N EVERYTHING OFF OF YOU YOU’re SUCH A JOY <333 ilysm i hope u have a wonderful day 😚💕

[wisepidgeon]

Its hard to have self respect

Well it's like I said it's hard to have self respect when you want someone so badly you'd do anything for then no matter how you had to suffer

I havent gotten over my ex red she is still the world to me and I honestly think if I don't stop now I'd give her everything

And if she would be mine and me hers I'd do it even if it took a couple 6 or 9 months even but she said no that she will get back with me buy only under the circumstance that she doesn't have to care about my emotions and my emotional needs that only hers are met that she has the right to sleep with other people and she doesn't deal with my needs or wants she wants me but only until she has to feel anything about it

She said I look desperate and she is right I am desperate I just want someone to accept me and acknowledge my effort my progress

And yeah I know that I hurt you but you ended it you gave up never me I never did no matter how close I got no matter how little I had to give I never gave up. And you did. You where always the one who said you'd never leave! You always told me I'll be yours no matter what! And I promised you the same damn thing! YOU BROKE THAT PROMISE FIRST YOU DID! YOU FUCKING SELFISH QUITER! "NEVER WAS ENOUGH AND THE WORLD IS WHAT I GAVE TO YOU!"

Now I quit because you did it first because you won't try again because your tired and you don't want to commit to anything you just wanna relax. And hey I get that I do I also want to relax I want to stop hurting I want to do things that make me happy. Thing is I want you more! I was only ever enough in bed I never could tell if you cared because I wasn't able to heal from the damage you caused at the beginning of our relationship.

So I quit I have to walk away now because I will never be worth it in your eyes and I'll never be good enough.

So I have to learn to be good enough on my own for myself I wish I could be good enough for you and I gave it everything I had except the breath in my lungs I gave my home I gave my trust I gave my self respect I gave more effort than I've ever given to anyone. And it was never enough.

One day I'll meet someone who I can talk to someone who I can communicate with someone who can love me and respect me and help me. I just wish that person was you.

I'm not crying your crying you fucking babys I know this is different than the normal thing but sometimes ranting and getting difficult emotions on page is useful to me and having who ever reads this read it and care makes me happy even if no one will see it one day when internet archeological expeditions are a funded topic they might see in and who knows it might help them. But that's never gonna happen so yeah

Last thing red I still want you I just want that to matter too I want you to care the way I care or at all really. Thanks for the memories even if they aren't so great.

I do realize that those last words are of fall out boy but its also exactly how I feel.

[insertcoolnameherethanks]

this is just a rant about my brother and it won't let me add a read more sorry

I know I'm not the only one to have issues with my sibling, but damn am I emotional about it today. When we were younger, sure we argued but I knew no matter what we had each other's backs. We had planned to get semi matching tattoos! We were still close as we got older, but when he moved away everything changed. I knew he wouldn't text or call much, but I was glad to hear from him once or twice a month. Then radio silence occurred. It's weird going from seeing someone every day to not at all (it isnt like we hung out a lot, I was in uni and we both worked full time).

When I met his girlfriend I felt peace and really liked her. We had long conversations and I thought all was fine. I still don't know if it's her or he just changed. He doesn't even resemble who I once knew. Its been, what, 5 years since he moved away? He would still text and call for the first year or so, but I moved to a similar area to him for work (30 minute drive from our places). I didnt expect him to meet up or talk more often, and he didn't. But he would initiate contact and we would make plans, then day of he would cancel. I moved hours away, and it doesn't even feel like I ever lived close to him other then when we were young.

He got married while I lived 30 minutes from him and I wasnt even invited. He had originally when they were going to do a ceremony, but they eloped (I still saw they had a party after with friends). He hasn't gotten me a Christmas gift for years, when that was a big thing to him when he was younger (i understand not having a lot of money, but even a card to say he was thinking of me would be nice). The straw that broke the camels back was he didn't wish me a happy birthday last year. In fact, none of my friends did except for this dude who is trying to fuck me and my best friend.

When he realized he didn't wish me happy birthday, he didn't even apologize. Just said he was busy. His wife said that people put too much stock in birthdays and we should be happy we are alive, which he agreed with and yes j agree but damn.

We were able to get together for Christmas as a family *I worked last year* and so I got them a card and gift card. I wrote a little note inside that said merry Christmas and had my name on it. When they found out that they had presents from my parents and a card from me, you know what their response was? To roll their eyes. It's a fucking gift. I understand if you are embarrassed cause you can't buy anyone things, but be appreciative we thought of you??? They left snd I found out 2 weeks later from my mom that he had thanked her for the gifts. Guess who didn't get a fucking thank you. Do I want a gift in return? No! Just a thank you would be nice! And it isnt like they thought my parents gave them all the gifts my NAME was on it. Prior to Christmas I hadn't heard from him in months. MONTHS. I still haven't heard from him

It fucking sucks and I'm glad we never got those stupid tattoos. Having every single person ask me about him is infuriating enough, I'm glad I dont have to have a physical fucking reminder. I am not messaging or contacting him at all. I know I'm extremely hurt by other things he has said and done which I didn't write here, but the birthday and Christmas thing were my last straw. That isnt even everything that happened at Christmas but apparently I'm a damn good actress cause my parents didn't have a clue I was upset.

[violette-hue]

Betrothed Pt. 2

Pt. 1

Summary: A part 2 to Betrothed where there’s a happy ending and some mild smut

Trigger Warning(s): simping; soft loki; smut, but not penetrative smut; slight exhibition; a whole lot of fluff; not entirely proof read; potentially shitty writing

Word Count: 3.9k

**MATURE 18+ CONTENT**

Weeks had gone by since Loki had followed you to your bed chambers the night of the feast. You hadn’t seen him since. Your usual routes around the castle were changed the next day just to avoid him—and Frigga. You couldn’t seem to face the All Mother after that night. She had done so much for you, had lifted you up after those ladies had quite literally brought you down. She was the one who had put you in that situation with good intentions.

Today was just like any day. You were deep in thought as you perused through the gardens, your mind on nothing but Loki. You couldn’t possibly avoid him forever, not when he was the one you were betrothed to. You heaved a sigh and sat at a nearby fountain. Your fingers circled the chilled water, your mind still in deep thought.

“Why does such a beautiful maiden have such a troubled face?”

You looked up to meet a pair of cheeky blue eyes. You immediately stood and curtsied.

“Your Grace,” you said, your fingers digging into your blue skirts.

Thor was the last person you wanted to encounter in the midst of this situation. Though you knew Loki and Thor’s relationship was a bit estranged, you also knew that somehow, Loki would know you were with him. Not that it mattered, except, why were you panicked?

“Lady Y/N, I did not expect to see you here,” Thor pronounced, shock illuminating his features. Shock turned into confusion, then morphed into concern. “Has something happened?”

“I’m just deep in thought, no need to worry, Your Grace,” you responded, resuming your seat at the fountain.

Thor sat next to you, his knees brushing yours. “Would you like to talk about it?”

Thor looked at you, his eyes soft and worried. You didn’t believe Thor knew exactly what he was asking of you. He was asking you to confide in him of his brother, to trail off about your romantic woes. You shook your head.

“I do not think it’s proper to rant about my woes and ailments to a prince,” you finally said.

Thor shrugged. “I know that there’s a possibility—perhaps a small one—that you and I are to be betrothed. If that’s the case, I do not wish for my bride to shy away from expressing herself to me.”

You nodded, a light blush dusting your cheeks. To be Thor’s bride would be somewhat easier. He’d be loyal, his father would make sure of that, and he’d be protective. He’d make sure you were provided for and taken care of. Though, Loki would be the same… You chewed on the inside of your cheek. The only problem with Loki would be his selfishness and complete unwillingness to open up to anyone.

“Thank you, Your Grace, for your kind words. However I don’t think it wise to complain to you about your brother.”

“My brother? What has he done?”

“Only play with my emotions,” you grumbled, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

Thor chuckled and patted your back. “You would be one of many.”

You face fell and your heart dropped to your stomach. You cleared your tightened throat and looked down. What exactly did that mean? Was Loki a womanizer? The silent god hardly seemed like type to toy with women in general, but then again, he was a god and a prince.

Your fingers once again broke the surface of the chilled water. You sighed and swirled your finger in the liquid. To be a fish would solve all of your problems. If you had been blessed with magical abilities, you’d be able to escape. But even then, escaping would never work. They would find you, punish you. Your punishment would be far worse than a marriage to any of the princes, even Loki.

“Have I said the wrong thing?” Thor asked, breaking the silence.

“It doesn’t particularly comfort me to know there’s been other women,” You confessed, your eyes locked on the ripples your fingers created. “For any of you. It makes me feel…like I’m not enough. That I am, and always will be, the final option.”

Thor was silent for a moment, and when he spoke, his eyes looked to the horizon and seemed to haze over. “We have no option. For one of us, you are our only option.” Thor finally turned his face to you, his eyes shining a brilliant shade of blue. “Whomever has the opportunity to wed you will cherish you, I can promise you that. Of all the females in the court, you are by far the most beautiful. I cannot speak of your personality, but I can see you are genuine and kind. We would be eternally grateful to have such rare qualities in a wife.” He took your hand in his, absentmindedly stroking your knuckles with his thumb. “Loki will turn around.”

You looked up at Thor and smiled softly. “I hope so,” you uttered.

Thor returned the smile and cupped your cheek gently. “If not, then I’ll have the most beautiful wife. And if he does, I’ll have the best sister.”

You pulled your hand gently away from Thor’s and widened your smile. “Thank you for your kind words.”

Thor nodded and stood up. “Right, then I’ll leave you to your brooding.”

You laughed and stood as well. You were over your brooding, as Thor called it. Perhaps it was time to face Loki. You curtsied low and turned, only to collide with another body. You looked up, apologizing profusely, but when your eyes lay upon familiar blue orbs your mouth hung agape. Those blue irises did not belong to Thor. You took a few steps back and looked for Thor, but Odin’s first born was nowhere to be seen. Was this planned?

“Do you often laugh to yourself?” Loki asked, cocking a brow. 

You looked in the opposite direction, still looking for Thor. “No, I was talking with Thor—”

“Thor?” Loki shifted uncomfortably and looked around. His face scrunched into some form of distaste. “Is he still here?”

You shook your head. “No, I  don’t think so.” You worked your bottom lip between your teeth. “He wasn’t here long—a-and nothing happened.”

You weren’t sure why you felt the need to disclaim that much. You hadn’t done anything wrong and if something had happened, it wouldn’t matter. Both the brother’s had a chance at your hand in marriage. 

Loki scoffed. “Doubtful. He’s as much as your betrothed as I am”

Anger welled in your chest and you clenched your fists at your side.

“I  beg your pardon? When I  say nothing happened, I  mean nothing happened. We only talked. About you.”

Shock etched itself onto Loki’s features. “About me? What about?”

You were silent for a while, not wanting to answer him. You shouldn’t have complained about Loki to Thor in the first place. Wether you told Loki or Thor told him, he would find out. 

You looked down, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “It doesn’t matter.”

Loki huffed. “Can you at least tell me why you’ve been avoiding me for the pass few weeks? And my mother—she’s been worried about you.”

“Loki...do we really have to go through this again?” you asked. 

“I  understand why you’re upset, but is that really a reason to avoid me?” he responded, shifting his weight to the ball of his foot. 

A frustrated sigh escaped your lips. “It sounds like you want to be around me,” you pointed out.  

“And if I do?” 

“I’d like to know why.”

“Well,” Loki huffed once more, “you’re my betrothed.”

You raised your brows and rolled your eyes. “I’d like an apology,” you said, placing your hands on your hips. “Perhaps if it’s good enough, you can spend some time with your betrothed.”

Loki smiled softly and placed his hand on your elbow. His fingers trailed down your forearm to your hand and brought your knuckles to his lips. “Please accept my apology,” Loki murmured. “I was only thinking of myself.”

A blush spread over your cheeks. “I accept your apology,” you breathed out. 

Loki smiled wide and took the opportunity to pull you against his chest. You gasped softly, nearly tripping over your skirts. “Then will you enjoy this beautiful day with me?”

You nodded and placed your hands on Loki’s chest. Words escaped you as your heart beat wildly. You had never been this close to a male before, never even touched a male before. You supposed it only fit if your betrothed were the first to hold you like this.

You looked up hesitantly at Loki through your lashes. 

“I’m not one to think of others, but I suppose if I want to live a long life, I’ve got to keep my mother and my wife happy,” Loki said, a hint of nervousness to his voice. 

You nearly choked at Loki’s words. “Loki,” you started, “a decision hasn’t even been made--”

“I  didn’t work this hard at an apology for nothing,” he interrupted. “You have been on my mind since that night you left me standing outside your door alone. I  don’t particularly like being told no.”

You nodded, not knowing what else to say at Loki’s confession. His ego would only swell if you told him you were in the same predicament. Instead, you changed the subject entirely, asking for something that he surely couldn’t resist.

“If it’s not too much, I’d like to stay like this for a while longer. I quite enjoy this feeling,” you said, resting your head on his chest. 

Loki chuckled softly and wrapped his arms around your waist. “Do not tell Thor about this. I’m not fond of his teasing.”

You laughed, knowing that somehow, Thor was going to find out about this. You hoped that you could stay like this a while longer and relish the warmth that Loki gave you. In your body and in your heart. 

After a few long moments, you reluctantly pulled away. “I’d like to be properly courted,” you announced. 

“Your wish is my command, petal,” Loki agreed. “We may start now.” An innocent smile graced Loki’s lips. “Would you care for a stroll through the garden?”

You bit the inside of your cheek to fight a blush. You could feel your self losing, the blush’s heat traveling to your ears. “Alone? With no chaperone?” You teased.

The innocent smile on Loki’s face turned wicked. “Afraid we’ll get caught in a compromising situation again?” He hummed deeply. “I did quite like the imagery I painted—beneath your skirts between your legs—”

You lightly hit Loki’s chest and made a disgruntled sound. The blush surely now consumed your face. You were sure you looked like a bright cherry tomato at this point.

“Such foul language in front of a lady,” you huffed, lightly fanning yourself with a delicate hand.

Loki looked at you, his eyebrow arched. “Still have your flower, petal?”

Your face blanched. “What?”

“I think you know what I mean,” he mused, his voice lowering an octave as he stepped closer to you.

You swallowed hard as his hand slid from your waist to the small of your back. “I don’t,” you lied.

“I can tell by the way you blush when I touch you you’ve never been with a male like this,” he stated.

You grew nervous as his other hand snaked around your waist and between your shoulder blades. You grabbed his wrists and returned them to his sides. 

“Perhaps I’ll take that walk another time. I feel awfully feverish,” you rushed out, gripping your skirts and heading to the nearest exit. 

On the way to your bedchambers you passed by a smug looking Thor. You didn’t stop to speak with him, or thank him for his scheme. Your skin felt hot, like invisible fingers were trailing down your arms and back. You weren’t entirely sure why you were running away from Loki...again. The topic of conversation made you uncomfortable and Loki’s touch made you squirm. Though, you weren’t sure if that was in a good way or bad.  

As soon as you reached your chambers, you leaned against the door. Your breathing was erratic, your thoughts scrambled. Perhaps a long bath would help to ease your thoughts. 

True to his word, Loki had courted you properly. He took you on multiple walks and numerous picnics. Much to your delight, they were all chaperoned. Some by Frigga, some by Thor, and to your surprise, some by Odin. Frigga stayed to herself whilst chaperoning. Odin watched you both with a calculating eye, no doubt pondering if this would be a fruitful match. Thor, on the other hand, didn’t take his chaperoning seriously. Most of the time he left the two of you alone for hours, and the times he was there he would make crude, sexual remarks. 

Thankfully, in the months of courting, Loki had not brought up the topic of your...flower, as he called it, again. He remained the silent, selfish god everyone knew. Everything he did was for his gain, and his purpose seemed to be to keep you smiling and laughing. Your room had turned into a garden with the countless bouquets of flowers he gifted you, your armoire filled with new dresses, and your jewelry box overflowing with priceless gems and jewels. You were happy with all the gifts, yes, but there was only one thing you truly wanted--a ring. Love had blossomed in your heart for the prince, and you wanted to truly be his. Loki had made no indication that he wished the same, though he had to. There was no way he didn’t think the same. 

You were pondering over the thought when a knock sounded at your door. 

“Enter,” you called, rising from your chair. 

“Good morning, petal,” Loki said, entering your room. He fixed the sleeves of his usual attire and smiled at you. “My father has requested an audience with us.”

Your heart leapt in your chest. “Now?” you asked, stopping in your tracks. 

Loki nodded, smiling. “Now,” he confirmed. 

A giddy smile tugged at your lips and you practically pulled Loki along with you to the throne room. You entered at once and saw the All Mother on the All Father’s right and Thor on his left. You curtsied low and waited to be addressed.

“Good morning,” the All Father said, giving you a warm smile. “I’m sure you’re eager to see why I’ve called you both here suddenly. I won’t give a long speech, but I want you both to know how happy I am for the both of you.” Odin paused, his smile growing. “Your betrothal has been fruitful, and I feel it is in everyone’s best interest to take the next step and officially unite you both as one.”

Your cheeks hurt from smiling and you had to stop yourself from embracing Loki. For months you had been awaiting this decision. You had stopped your hopes from soaring too high, had stopped your heart from caving into him entirely. But now, your walls had reduced to rubble and love swelled in your heart for the god of mischief.

Loki turned to you, a brilliant smile gracing his lips. His eyes promised a proper celebration away from prying eyes, the look sending a shiver up your spine. Loki thanked his father and discussed the brief details of the ceremony and when it would be held, but their words sounded muffled. You could only focus on the wondrous male beside you and what your futures would hold.

You were quite literally taken out of your thoughts as Loki laced his hand with yours. “We’ll take our leave now,” Loki said, bowing to the All Father.

You curtsied clumsily in time to be guided out of the throne room by Loki. He lead you down the hall and you practically had to double your pace to keep up.

“Loki slow down,” you said breathlessly. “What’s the rush?”

Loki pulled you in to an alcove, the very same one he first pulled you into so many nights ago and captured your lips with his. Your immediate reaction was to tense up, knowing that you could be seen at any moment. But the way Loki cupped your cheek and snaked a hand to the small of your back has your knees wobbling. You gripped his shirt, in part to bring him closer to you and in part to support your weak knees. He pressed you back further into the wall, pulling away and resting his forehead against yours.

“I haven’t been this happy in a long while,” Loki whispered.

You reached a hand up and brushed a stray hair from his temple. “I’m glad,” you responded, closing your eyes.

You relished this moment, relished the feeling of his chest falling up and down against your own.

“Would you have wanted it to be Thor?” Loki asked quietly.

You opened your eyes and hummed your confusion. “Pardon?”

Loki sighed and took a step away from you. “Would you have preferred to be betrothed to Thor instead?” Loki repeated.

You looked up at him, surprised he would ask such a thing. “Of course not, Loki. Why are you asking this?”

Loki signed and ran a hand through his hair. “I know you were alone with Thor in the garden that day.”

You nodded slowly. “Yes… And I told you were were just talking about you.”

Loki look towards the hall, staring at nothing. “But you were alone. Something had to have happened. You wouldn’t have acted so squeamish when I brought the subject up of your…flower.”

You pursed your lips and thought of an appropriate answer. “Nothing physical happened. He comforted me. And I was only so uncomfortable because…” You felt your face heat up and you brought your finger to your lips. You bit your manicured nail nervously and averted your eyes.

“Because..?” Loki pressed.

You could feel his eyes boring into you, and suddenly you were too hot.

“Y’know,” you choked out, flailing your hands around. “You said it that day. I-It’s true.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose and sucked in a sharp breath. You wanted nothing more than to disappear into an abyss. Having to admit something which was so blatantly clear was beyond embarrassing, and had you not seen the insecurity in Loki’s eyes you would have thought he was teasing you.

You looked up when you heard Loki let out a shaky breath. His blue irises were a few shades darker and slightly watered over.

“Good,” he breathed. “You’re mine now.”

You nodded, your abdomen twisting pleasurably. “I’m yours,” you whispered. 

Loki cupped your chin and brought your lips to his. He kissed you hungrily, nipping at your bottom lip. He snaked his hands to your waist and pulled you flush against his chest. You gasped in surprise, allowing Loki to pass his tongue along your bottom lip. 

His fingers dug into your hips as he trailed kisses down your jaw to your neck. He sucked at a particularly sensitive spot, pulling a soft mewl from your lips. Your eyes widened at the sound and you quickly covered your mouth with a hand. 

Loki gripped you wrist and pinned it against the wall above your head. He sucked the sensitive spot on your neck again, and when you bit your lip hard to prevent any sound from coming out, he sucked harder. You let out a high pitched moan involuntarily and you felt Loki smile against your neck. 

You heard someone clear their throat. “Please do not do this here.” 

Your head snapped to the side and you nearly died. Thor stood in front of you both, blocking the only way out of the alcove. His arms were across his chest and a cheeky smile tugged his lips upwards. 

Loki released your arm and let it fall to your side. “Thor.”

Thor nodded in acknowledgment to his brother, his smile only widening. “I was drawn here by some rather interesting sounds, and to my surprise I see you,” Thor said, leaning against the entrance to the alcove. “It’s not even close to your wedding night.”

Heat traveled up your neck to your face in embarrassment. You hid your face beneath your hands and screwed your eyes shut. This was too embarrassing. You couldn’t face Thor, or Loki, or even yourself. You felt Loki shift, your skirts moving with him.

“Do you intend to have a conversation, or leave us be?” Loki practically hissed.

“I do feel rather lonely at the moment. How—”

The world spun around you and it felt as if something was sucking the air from your lungs. You stumbled as the wall behind you vanished, your feet tripping over something soft. Your eyes snapped open and you grabbed at nothing as you fell backwards.

Loki quickly grabbed your arm and pulled you to your feet. You stumbled a few steps back and looked around at your surroundings. You were no longer in the dimly lot alcove. Now, beige walls surrounded you on all four sides. A large chestnut colored desk was position against one of the walls with books and papers strewn all over the oak surface. A large bed rest in the middle of the room with silk sheets the deepest shade of emerald. Somehow, you had transported to Loki’s room.

Loki must have seen your confusion, because he cleared his throat and said, “I thought a bit of privacy would suit us better.”

You nodded, still shocked. “How..?” You let out a confused exhale.

“My magic,” Loki responded. “One of my many talents.”

You nodded once more and walked slowly over the fur rug to the large window opposite of you. As you reached the window, you noticed it was in fact two doors that lead out to a balcony. You unlatched the lock and cautiously stepped out into the open air.

“It’s a beautiful view,” you said, leaning against the railings and faced towards Loki.

“It doesn’t compare to you,” Loki responded gently.

You blushed at his words and turned to lean your elbows against the rails. “If I’m not mistake, it sounds as if you’re flattering me.”

You felt Loki’s best behind you as he wrapped his arms around your waist. “Is it working?”

He pressed a chaste kiss behind your ear and you shivered at his touch. “Maybe,” you responded, smiling.

Loki hummed, the sound vibrating I’m his chest against your back. His lips trailed from behind your ear to your neck and you arched your neck to provide more access. He pressed wet kissed along your neck and leaned forward to nip at your collar bone.

You gasped at the feeling of his teeth as you leaned into him. His hand trailed from your navel to your clothed breast and he squeezed gently. Another gasp passed from your lips and you moaned softly as he palmed your breast. He pushed down your neckline and scooped your breast from its place. His cold fingers pinched the pink bud, rolling it between his forefinger and his thumb.

Your jaw became lax as he worked your nipple between his fingers, soft mewls and moans escaping your lips. You dragged your hand along Loki’s forearm, intertwining your fingers with his on your breast and arched your back. You had no idea where your actions came from or what you were doing, but to hel with it. You let your instinct take over and reached your other hand behind you to Loki’s bulge. He hissed loudly and froze.

You heard a whistle down below the balcony— shit. You pulled your dress up to cover your breast and prayed to the gods no one saw that.

But a god did see.

“A word of advice brother,” Thor called from below the balcony. “Bed your bride inside your chambers.”

Taglist:

@lostgreekgod @rosaline-black @laufeysonluvr @ajeff855 @briarrose26​ @thesagewitchh​ @high-functioning-lokipath​ @kgirardin​ @toujurspure @wingedoafkidpsychic​ @nadderlover1​

[mrsalwayswrite]

The Arrangement (Ivar x reader x Hvitserk)

Oh boy, so I don’t normally write smut but this idea came to me and would not let me write anything else. So here we are, friends. (I’m honestly so nervous to post this.)

A huge shout out to @geekandbooknerd for beta-reading this for me and listening to my ranting. You are the best, you beautiful person!

Warnings: SMUT, some feels, Ivar being Ivar 

Words: 5200

Tag List: @youbloodymadgenius​

 The fierce, blue eyes of Kattegat's king surveyed the Great Hall, full of people as they ate the evening meal.  Jovial conversations, yells for more ale, the pop and crackle of the large fire, even the fist fight that broke out…. none of it attracted his attention. No, instead his clever mind wrestled with one simple problem. Something he was certain no other man ever had to worry about. This problem had lately been at the forefront of his mind, slithering through his thoughts like vipers, distracting him from his duties. Weeks now he mentally wrestled with seeking a solution. Wracking his brain as what to do. He even considered going to the Seer, but quickly rejected that idea. The Seer only ever spoke in riddles and it would only further muddle his already troubled mind. He cursed the gods with his lack of a solution, for putting him in this predicament. 

 But this morning as he lay in bed, willing the pain in his legs to diminish, a solution came to mind. It was so simple, something he should have considered long ago…. but one that required trust. Something which admittedly was not his strongest suit. But for this solution to work, to gain what he yearned for, he must trust. There was no other way. It was like the gods came to him, spoke into his mind during his slumber, explaining what he must do. Though he trusted no one completely, there was one who he could trust with this solution. And the rewards…. oh, the rewards would be well worth it. 

 Besides, it could be fun. 

He observed where his brother sat at a nearby table, talking and laughing with some of their warriors. A broad grin lit up his face as he freely drank and shared stories. Although Hvitserk seemed to be fully invested in the conversation around him, from where Ivar reclined on his throne, he could see the way his brother's gaze darted frequently to another table nearby. Quick looks, never lingering, almost indiscernible from how his gaze shifted to his companions around him. But Ivar could see it. Many times he had witnessed his brother's secret looks. Now was the time to test it. 

 With a sharp order, Ivar sent a nearby thrall to summon the other Ragnarsson. Hvitserk glanced at Ivar with a confused expression before giving a single nod. As he rose from his spot at the tables, Ivar had a nearby thrall fill up his ale horn, eyes shifting from his brother to the one who continued to unknowingly entice the elder Ragnarsson. When Hvitserk stood at the bottom of the dais, leading up to the thrones, Ivar waved his hand, signaling for his brother to sit on the throne next to him. The Queen's throne. Your throne. 

 Surprise flashed across the face of the flaxen-haired Ragnarsson, eyes darting between the two thrones for a moment in surprise. Ivar wondered if thoughts of their beautiful mother crossed his brother's mind as he saw the throne as often as they did his own. After a second, Hvitserk shrugged and seated himself on the other throne. Silence persisted as they nursed their ales. 

 Looking over the crowd, Ivar returned his gaze to the one person who, beside his mother, he was most devoted to. You were smiling in a way that made his heart clench and his lips twitch, wanting to mirror your joy. He never understood your need to mingle with others during meals instead of remaining on your throne. At times, jealousy reared its head in his mind, but you always returned to his side, to his bed, sharing the latest gossip you heard or a particularly funny story. He would grumble but never admit how he enjoyed listening to you, or how he used that gossip to his benefit. 

 Now you sat with a few women he recognized as wives to wealthy traders in Kattegat. A baby lay in your arms as you spoke with enthusiasm to one of the women. With the light from the flames dancing across your face and the joy radiating from you as you cooed at the baby in your arms, Ivar knew there was no one as beautiful as you. Even more so than his mother. Every day he still found himself in awe that you chose him, you agreed to be his wife, that you loved him. It was enough to make him feel invincible. To conquer the world and lay it at your feet as an offering. 

 Without moving his head, Ivar peeked over at his brother, unsurprised to see him staring in the same direction. The horn of ale at his lips helped mask where his lingering gaze lay, but Ivar could see. He knew. 

 "I see how you look at her." Ivar said nonchalantly. 

 "Who?" Hvitserk questioned, eyes pretending to roam over the Great Hall. 

 Ivar smirked, fingers lightly tapping on the armrest of his throne. "My queen…. y/n."

 "She is a beautiful woman. Is it wrong now to admire someone so clearly blessed by Freyja?"

 "Ah, but I see your mind. You want to do more than admire, dear brother."

 Hvitserk shifted uncomfortably, head snapping to the side to eye his younger brother warily. "What is this, Ivar?"

 The young king leaned back, smirk still in place. After a tense moment of watching Hvitserk squirm, he dropped his voice so he knew only his brother could hear him. "I have a proposition for you."

 "What?"

 "I need your help with a…. sensitive matter."

 The flaxen-haired Ragnarsson scoffed. "Is this Ivar the Boneless actually asking for help?" 

 "Will you help me or not?" He sharply retorted, trying to force down the rising anger that bubbled under his skin. 

 "Of course." He said with a sigh. "What is it?"

 Ivar pushed off his throne, tossing back the rest of his ale and handing his horn off to a nearby thrall. "Come. We will discuss this in my bedroom." 

 He did not wait for his brother, already leaning on his crutch as he walked down the steps and down the corridor to the royal rooms. He hoped his plan worked. He needed it to work. Even if it meant trusting his brother with what was most precious to him. 

 *****

 Your steps were sure as you left the Great Hall and walked down the corridor to your bedroom. You had seen Ivar and Hvitserk leave the evening meal some time ago, but assumed they went to discuss important matters somewhere quiet. So, you stayed to talk with your friends, something you cherished. It was important to you that even though you were their queen, they could be comfortable in your presence and feel free to speak to you. Plus, you enjoyed the juicy gossip passed around. 

 One of the guards opened the bedroom door for you. You nodded a brief thanks and walked in…. only for your feet to stutter to a stop after you entered. Surprise flooded you to see your husband and his older brother both in your bedroom. Ivar reclined on his favorite, wide chair near the lit fireplace but what was most perplexing was how Hvitserk sat on the end of your bed, elbows on his knees with a guarded expression. 

 "My wife will not be needing your assistance tonight." Ivar stated to the thrall who had followed you into the room. "You may leave us….and inform the guards we do not wish to be disturbed for any reason."

 The thrall glanced over to you, since she was yours. The routine of helping you undress and prepare for bed, a regular occurrence most nights. At your murmured acceptance, she nodded her head and left, closing the door behind her. 

 "Is everything alright, Ivar? Have you heard something from your spies?" You quickly asked once the three of you were alone. Worry gnawed in your stomach. He had confessed to you late one night that there was a nearby earl he thought might try to attack and overtake Kattegat. 

 "Come here, my love." He held his leather-clad hand out for you to take, something you did without question. He guided you to stand between his open, brace-covered legs. With his other hand, he tapped his lips, a cheeky glint in his eyes. You giggled but obliged, pressing a sweet and tender kiss to his mouth in response to his wordless demand.

 His hands on your hips, he looked up at you with devotion in those piercing blue eyes. A sight that made your heart melt every time without him even having to say a word. 

 "What is going on?"

 "You know I love you, yes?" He softly questioned, still staring up at you like you were the moon and stars. 

 You cupped his cheek, his sideburns tickling your fingers. "Of course. And I love you."

 "Mmmm…. the gods have given me wisdom as how to solve our problem."

 "Our problem?" Your brows furrowed, confused by what he was talking about. 

 He pointedly looked at your belly then back up at you. 

 Then it hit you, and your heart broke a little at the heartache in his gaze. "Oh, Ivar, I told you…."

 "It's been a year, y/n." He interrupted, the grief slipping into his voice, even as he struggled to hide it. "We've been trying for a year and there is nothing to show for it. I never thought I could pleasure a woman until you came along and I hoped…. I hoped I could give you a child. Our child. But it seems the gods still will not grant me that ability. I need an heir, and I want to see you grow round with a child. I want a family with you. Something I never dreamed of before."

 Realization dawned on you as to why Hvitserk was in your bedroom. Eyes wide, you peeked over your shoulder at the other Ragnarsson, who was staring at the ground between his feet, then looked back at your husband. 

 "Ivar…."

 "Hvitty has agreed. He will be my cock and plant a baby in you in my name."

 This time you fully turned around to stare at the flaxen-haired brother. "Hvitserk, are you sure you want to do this?" 

 Gods, this sounded like something your husband would force his brother to do. Actually, you were beyond astounded that Ivar would even let another man touch you. Before your thoughts could follow that trail, Ivar's voice brought you back. 

 He chuckled darkly, an edge to his tone like he was confessing someone else's secret. "My brother can barely keep his eyes off you whenever you are around….and when I told him my idea, he agreed without hesitation."

 You witnessed an adorable blush rise to Hvitserk's cheeks as he rubbed the back of his neck and mumbled under his breath. For a moment he looked like a young boy again, caught staring at his latest crush. It was so innocent and precious. Yet with the rumors you heard from some of the women of Kattegat, you knew he was far from innocent. There had been a handful of times you secretly noticed the Ragnarsson's heated gaze on you, but your mind played it off, thinking he must have truly been looking at someone else or he was just admiring your dress. Now your mind flipped through those memories with a different lens. 

 After giving your husband's hands a quick squeeze, you stepped out of his embrace. Heart hammering away in your chest, you watched the elder brother with a new understanding as you approached. This time you did not miss the way his eyes raked over your form or how he licked his lips almost in anticipation. The shiver that rolled down your spine startled you, but not unpleasantly so. 

 Almost in a mirror image, you stood between Hvitserk's legs, his hands automatically landing on your hips, just like how you stood with Ivar; but the way his hands felt unbound by leather and almost hesitant to touch you, was a reminder this was not your husband. After a moment, you cupped his face, his beautiful brown eyes meeting yours with such naked want in them, heat coursed through you.  

 "Are you sure, Hvitty?" You whispered.   

 "I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about laying with you." He confessed, a naughty smirk teasing his lips. His voice stayed low as you two traded secrets. "Are you alright with this…. arrangement? I know you love my brother, and I don't want to ruin that. Not for either one of you."

 You continued to stroke his cheek as you pondered his question. There was no doubt that you loved Ivar with all your heart. He was the love of your life and you knew you were his. Hvitserk easily was the brother you always wished for. You enjoyed his flirtatious teasing, especially when it made the jealous side of your husband come out because the sex after that was always mind-blowing. The blond was someone you trusted wholeheartedly. Your life was perfect, you were happier than you ever thought you would be. But there was one thing you always imagined, one thing you silently yearned for. So it was with that in mind, your answer, your decision was an easy one to make. 

 "I want a baby."

 His smirk grew, "I'll try my best to help with that."

 You laughed. "Oh, so gracious of you."

 He winked cheekily, taking one of your hands to kiss your palm slowly. 

 You shifted to meet your husband's cool gaze, with Hvitserk's hands gently kneading your hips. "Ivar, you are certain this is what you want? This won't cause jealousy between you and your brother?"

 Ivar scoffed. "Why would it?"

 "You threatened last month to gouge a trader's eyes out for staring at y/n too long." Hvitserk deadpanned. In the next second, he leaned over to lay a kiss on your hip meanwhile, his hand shifted to grab a handful of your ass cheek. You squeaked, surprised by the bold move in front of Ivar. As you tried to wriggle away, he only chuckled and pulled you to sit directly on his lap. It should not surprise you anymore how strong Hvitserk was, but somehow it always managed to catch you off guard. Though your mind certainly took notice of the bulge in his pants underneath you. 

 "He was talking only to her breasts. He is lucky I did not take at least one eye for his disrespect." Ivar leaned back in his seat. "You agree to this, my love?"

 "I do." You answered. 

 "Excellent. Come here for a moment." He beckoned you to him once again. 

 Hvitserk released you, not before palming your ass as you stood up. You swatted at his hands, but the smile on your lips let him know you were not truly upset. 

 That smile only grew as you glided over to your husband. For all of his anger and wrath, none of it ever touched you. Instead he treated you delicately, reverently. As if you were a dream and with one wrong move, you would vanish. Or a goddess he vowed to continuously worship. You thrived under his tender touches, drawing you further and further into the ocean of his profound love. 

 He guided you to stand between his legs again and for a brief moment you felt like a ball the brothers were taking turns passing back and forth. You dashed the thought away before it made you giggle. 

 "I have one condition for our arrangement." Ivar said, intently watching your face. His finger traced the edges of your lips, as if to memorize them. "Only I own your mouth. I was your first kiss. So as I live and breathe, only I get the pleasure of your kisses. Hvitserk can kiss and touch you anywhere else but there. Agreed?"

 You nodded mutely. The growing desire in his eyes caused your womb to clench and fire to begin warming your veins. 

 "Brother?"

 "Agreed." Hvitserk said from his perch on the bed behind you, his voice sounding a bit gruffer than a minute ago. 

 Ivar turned those piercing, passionate eyes back to you. "My love…." He placed a kiss to the valley between your breasts, allowing his face to linger there a moment. You carded your fingers through his loosened hair, feeling his hands gently holding your hips. When he looked up, gone was the sweet, loving devotion in his eyes, replaced with something wicked. "Shall we teach Hvitty what you like first?"

 "What do you have in mind?"

 "Take off your dress."

 "I need help with the laces." You reminded him as he was the one to demand your thrall leave earlier. 

 "Ah, you are right. Go to Hvitserk, he will help."

 Obediently, you walked the few steps back to the elder Ragnarsson wondering what game your husband was playing, but you could not deny the excitement thrumming in your veins. Without a word, you turned around to allow him access to the lacing on the back of your dress. You thought he would hesitate or his fingers would tremble knowing your husband was watching on. Instead they deftly plucked and tugged at the laces like he had done this many times. Once your back was exposed, his hand traced down your spine, causing you to shiver under the sensual touch. 

 Holding the front of the dress to your chest, you made your way back over to Ivar. Standing in front of him, his hands claimed your fingers from holding your dress to entwine with his own. Immediately, your dress slipped down your body to pool at your feet, leaving you completely bare before the two Ragnarssons. 

 Ivar's hands landed on your hips but instead of pulling you to straddle him, like you expected, he slowly spun you around and had you sit on his lap, facing his brother. What met your gaze was the wolfish look of Hvitserk, staring at you like you were something he wanted to devour. Ivar's hands slide up from your hips to cup your breasts as if offering them to his brother. 

 "Look at you, my goddess, my wife." Ivar whispered against your skin as he left hot, open-mouth kisses along the column of your throat. You could not help but whimper, your body so in tune with his. He barely had to touch you before your body begged for him to fill you. A dampness already coated your core. Without taking his eyes off of you, his hands fondling you in the way that made you breathless, he addressed his brother. "Is she not perfect, Hvitty? A goddess begging to be worshiped."

 "Gods, yes. Perfect."

 Normally you would be embarrassed by the praises. Now though, you felt like a lamb being toyed with by two wolves. Trapped by the lustful gaze of one and the feverish touches of the other. 

 Ivar's hands continued to fondle and pluck at your nipples, causing your head to fall back onto his shoulder. "That's right, you love these perfect breasts being played with, don't you?"

 "Ivar…." His name was a needy whine coming off your tongue.

 "Yes, my love. So sensitive. Just imagine it's Hvitty's mouth on them." 

 An unexpected, wanton moan escaped you at the thought. Your hips started rolling against your husband's lap, desperate for friction. 

 "Open your eyes." Ivar whispered into your ear. "Look at Hvitty."

 You obeyed even though your body demanded to close your eyes and wallow in the pleasure Ivar could induce in you. As your gaze locked with the elder Ragnarsson, you felt one of Ivar's hands skim down your stomach to part your legs, exposing your core. 

 Instinctively, you started to close your legs only for Ivar to tsk and bite the junction of your neck and shoulder. "Don't be shy. Let him see that sweet pussy." 

 Your legs fell back open, allowing his hand free reign to touch you where you most needed it. Your body automatically arched into his hand, silently begging for more. Sweat already began to dampen you as the heat burned hotter under your skin. 

 "I swear Valhalla is between her legs, brother."

 Hvitserk spoke up, his voice coming out rough and husky. "Touch her, Ivar."

 "You hear that, y/n?" Your husband teased, licking a stripe up the column of your throat. "Should I touch you?"

 "Please." You begged, too far along to care how needy you sounded. 

 He chuckled darkly, his hand dipped to your core, cupping and teasing you. You tensed as his skilled fingers played with your folds and clit but never entering you. He could tease you for hours, leave you on the brink as you begged for relief. It was a favorite game of his. You started to grind against him, your blood boiling with desire and the need for relief. 

 Somehow, he always knew when you were close, as if it was a sixth sense. 

 "She is close, Hvitty. Her pussy is weeping to be filled." He squeezed your breast, causing you to loudly moan.

"Do you want my fingers or my cock, my queen?"

 "I want you, beloved." You answered in a breathy sigh. 

 His teasing ceased, almost making you whine. Gently, he cupped your chin, turning your head to gaze lovingly into your eyes. It always seemed to astound him that you desired him, not just physically but as a person, as a friend, as a lover and a soul mate. He pressed a sweet kiss to your lips, pouring in all of his devotion in a way you understood since words always failed him. 

 Slowly you rose to your feet but instead of walking away, you turned to face him. This was a dance the two of you had done before. Knowing what he wanted, you straddled his lap without fear of the wide chair breaking under your combined weight. This was not the first time you had made love on this particular chair by the fire. 

 Still gazing at you in awe and adoration, Ivar cupped your breasts. His thumbs teased your nipples. A low moan fell from your lips as your head tipped back. His mouth then descended on your chest, first leaving small kisses before taking one of your peaked nipples into his mouth. 

 "Ivar…." You groaned. "Yes, yes."

 In an action well practiced, you were already reaching between your bodies to fumble with the laces of his pants. Without hesitation, you sank down onto him, being filled in the best way possible. Your lips sought out his, drawing pleasure from his mouth just as much as his cock. Your tongues swirled as your hips rolled. It was delirium. This pleasure he could bring out of you. It was all-consuming. No matter how much he teased, he was always gentle and reverent when it came to worshipping you. A slow, sweet burn that sunk into every fiber of your body, called forth your very soul to dance with his, just as much as your bodies writhed together. 

 You unlocked your mouth, throwing your head back with a loud moan as your pace increased, riding his cock, seeking your peak. His growls and words of praise only spurred you on. 

 Finally it came, crashing over you, eliciting a cry of Ivar's name loud enough the guards outside the door probably heard. Three more quick thrusts and you could feel Ivar spill his empty seed inside you. His head dropped onto your chest, both of you panting and sweaty. 

 "You're mine." He murmured against your skin as if reminding himself or branding the words into your naked skin. "You're my goddess, my queen, mine."

 "Always." You whispered back. 

 After both of you came down from your erotic high, Ivar leaned up, pressing a toe-curling kiss to your already swollen lips. 

 "She's ready for you, brother." He loudly announced. 

 It was then you remembered Hvitserk in the room. So caught up in making love with your husband, you had momentarily forgotten what was to happen. You stared down at your husband, silently asking him if he was sure. 

 Ivar rolled his eyes but caressed your cheek with his calloused fingers. "It's alright. Besides, if you don't go take care of him, he'll probably blow his load in his pants soon."

 You smiled, kissing him once more before carefully rising off his lap. As you turned to look at the flaxen-haired warrior, never before had you felt the seductress until now. With your husband's seed spilling down your thigh, you slowly walked the few paces to stand in front Hvitserk. With each step closer, his ravenous gaze devoured your nakedness; a predatory look that made your thighs clench and put a quiver in your belly. 

 "How do you want me?" You softly asked, standing before him. 

 He swallowed thickly, fists clenching and releasing before he cleared his throat and answered hoarsely. "Lie down on your back."

 Embracing the inner seductress in you, you crawled across your bed, giving your husband and his brother a spectacular view of your ass. Nerves aflutter, you laid down on your large marital bed. Yet you could feel the longing ache between your legs growing the more you thought about what was to come. 

 Soon, Hvitserk hovered above you, completely naked. Although you loved your husband and his body, the sight of Hvitserk in all his glory made your mouth water and core clench in anticipation.  

 "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." He confessed, barely above a whisper. "Gods…." His mouth landed on your neck, lavishing his affections using both teeth and tongue. Sweeping downward, his ministrations continued, drawing soft cries from you as he equally used his mouth and hands to caress all the curves of your body. Each touch, each caress, each bite and lick, all felt like he was trying to get himself drunk on the feel of your soft skin, your scent and the sounds of pleasure coming from you. 

 It did not take long for you to begin writhing underneath him, clawing at his back, utterly at his mercy. This desire he invoked in you was molten and drugging. Your eyelids fluttered closed as you fought to remember to breathe. 

 Pulling back slightly, he lined himself up. Then instead of gradually easing into you, he slammed into you until he was fully sheathed in your womanhood. A cry left your mouth at the same time as he groaned. You expected pain but instead your body readily welcomed the intrusion, hot and wet, waiting for him. 

 He pressed his forehead to yours, remaining frozen, giving you both time to adjust. "Gods…. this is Valhalla." He whispered with a touch of awe in his voice. 

 You rolled your hips; your body begging for more, for release, for him to bring you to new heights. "Hvitty…."

 "Say my name." He grunted, a slow thrust accompanying it. 

 "Hvitserk." 

 "Again." This thrust was a little faster and harder. 

 "Hvitserk."

 "Say it." 

 His name rolled off your tongue in a gasp as he slammed into you, stars appearing in your vision. "Hvitserk."

 As a key unlocking, your fervid gasp seemed to unleash him. In the next moment, he began thrusting with abandon, almost animalistic in his pleasurable fury. He grabbed your hips, lifting them off the bed to begin pounding into you like a man possessed. 

 Never before had Ivar done anything like this and to your surprise…. you liked it. A lot. 

 Your hands clawed at the bed, desperate for something to hold onto. Cries of pleasure flowed freely from you. An inferno lived inside of you, threatening to burn you with ecstasy. Sluggishly you opened your eyes to be met with the sight of Hvitserk cradled between your thighs, sweat glistening on his flushed skin as he rocked into you, sending jolts of electricity each time. Those brown eyes stared down at you like he wanted to own your body and soul.

 With a silent scream, your peak overwhelmed you. Your eyes slammed shut as your back arched, delicious waves of pleasure making your mind cease to function. 

 Hvitserk followed quickly, a growl splitting the air between you as his thrusts stuttered to an end and his seed filled your womb. He all but collapsed on top of you after, both for you sweaty and sated. 

 "Did I hurt you?" He asked, his voice raspy and content. His head laid on your chest, his body seeming to be the only thing to keep you from floating away on waves of bliss. 

 "No." You mumbled languishly, too pleasure-drunk to say more. 

 He tipped his head to look at you, a lazy smirk on his face. "I really want to kiss you."

 "You know the one rule." You reminded him, brushing a hand over his frazzled braids. 

 He hummed, then with a mischievous glint in his eyes, he leaned forward and licked your lips. At first you just stared as he grinned at you, but giggles soon fell from your mouth. 

 "Hvitserk! What did I say?" Ivar demanded, walking over to sit on the opposite side of the bed. 

 Hvitserk rolled his head to look at his brother, but kept it on your naked chest. "I didn't kiss her. You never said anything about not licking her lips."

 Ivar rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath, as he unstrapped his braces and flopped onto the bed. His hand reached out for you, possessively tugging you out from underneath his brother and into his side. Not that you minded. You immediately curled against him, your eyelids straining to stay open. 

 "I'm alright." You answered the question you could see lingering in his eyes. "Just sleepy now."

 He smiled fondly down at you, leaving a gentle kiss on your forehead. Sleep called to you as you lay in your husband's arms. So wonderfully relaxed, your muscles were loose and your womanhood ached in the best way from the lasting effects of your pleasure. 

 The sound of movement made you tip your head to the side, only to see Hvitserk getting off the bed and reaching for his clothes. 

 "Where are you going?" You asked, your voice lethargic as if already infused by sleep. 

 Those brown eyes jumped from you to your husband and back. "I figured Ivar would want me to leave now so you two can go to sleep."

 "Stay, Hvitty. The hour is late." Ivar replied, running a hand up and down your bare back. "Besides I plan on this arrangement until y/n is with child. You can stay with us."

 With a tilt of his head, the brothers regarded each other for a long moment before Hvitserk chuckled, tossing his tunic back to the ground and crawling into bed in just his pants. 

 "Thank the gods. This bed is ridiculously comfortable."

 You smiled, rolling over so your back was pressed to Ivar's chest, snuggling closer to him. His arm settled around your waist comfortably as he placed a kiss on the back of your neck. Snaking a hand over the covers, you reach over and entwine the elder brother's fingers with yours. Hvitserk startled initially but quickly brought your hand to his lips, a brief kiss on your knuckles, then laid it back on the bed, keeping your fingers entangled. 

 Sleep found you within minutes, tucked between the two Ragnarssons, one being your husband and the other who would give you a child. 

 Your last thought was wondering if Fate would allow this arrangement to work….and maybe continue. 

[alycosworld]

guess who🤡 heyhey 💕 here. I’m pretty sure by this 2nd request u can tell that I’m a very emotional person🧍🏻‍♀️ and that I’m a person that seeks alot of comfort from fictional characters because i dont have a life and good friends.

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putting a divider here so u dont have to read everything and can look out for keywords!

purple—> person

pink—>genre

green—>subject

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I’m not sure if u r comfy writing kazuha so if yr not I’m sorry u can ignore this! i just want a fluff comfort for reader who got like REALLY scolded for getting bad grades for exams because u have no idea how angsty I’m feeling rn:( my parents just literally like scolded me like there was no tmr istg- so i just need really fluff comfort. so a kazuha x NB(non bibary)!reader

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Anyways again tysm u have no idea how grateful i am if you accept my request!!!<3 get lots of rest and drink water. only do this if you want to!

byebye<3

-💕

Kazuha's Wise and Whimsical Words

Kaedehara Kazuha X Reader

A/N: aaaa 💕anon ily!! being emotional is completely fine and I would be honoured to become of your good friends!! I will be a part of your life, private message me if you're ever feeling down! I just want my readers happy because they make me happy aaaaaa 🥺

with that being said, i love this request! My parents were so hard on me when it came to exams, but as soon as I broke away from their expectations, I started to appreciate my grades more. I'll leave the real comforting words for Kazuha to say but NO ONE SHOULD EVER be disappointed in yourself if you tried your best. Thank you for your support and the request, I hope the story makes you feel better. Enjoy!

ps: I took into account the fact that not everyone has a mother and a father and not everyone has two parents at all, so only one parent is mentioned here and they are left gender neutral so it's easier to picture yourself in the story.

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"(Y/N). This is not at all what I expected. What happened to you?" Your parent asked sternly.

"Well, I--"

"I don't want to hear any excuses. Your predicted grades were much higher than this!" They said, raising their voice.

"I'm sorry, I--"

"Sorry is not going to improve your results! Do you really think that now is a good time to be slacking off? You have one more exam period before university. I don't care if you pass those exams, I want you to excel. And if you don't, you are not attending Sumeru Academia, whether they accept you or not. I am not paying for you to study overseas, only for you to get mediocre grades." They said, making you even more anxious than before the exam.

"But I got above the average!"

"By two percent! And the average was low." Your parent said, narrowing their eyes slightly and upsetting you with their belittling gaze.

"Realistically--"

"Realistically? Realistically?! If you want to study realistically, you should find someone else to pay for your education. When you want to study successfully, you can come back." They slammed the stack of sheets that displayed your results on the table with a loud bang before folding their arms as you grabbed a jacket and stormed out of the house, tears running down your face.

You walked for a while in the night, before eventually finding yourself in an area you were less familiar with. After recognising it to be somewhere near your boyfriend's current residence off Beidou's ship, you made a beeline for his place, knocking on the door and hoping, praying he would be alone inside.

The door soon opened and Kazuha stood there, initially with a smile on his face but it soon dropped when he saw your expression.

"(Y/N)? What happened?" He asked.

"C-can I come inside?" You sniffled.

"Of course, Love. Come in." He said, ushering you into his quaint little place. You stood by the door that closed behind you before Kazuha pushed the coat you had lazily draped over your shoulder onto the floor and enveloped you in his arms.

You broke down in his embrace. You had done better than most of your fellow students, and frankly, you were kind of proud of your result. But it was foolish of you to think that your parent would accept anything but perfection. They said it was all for you, but you were doubting it. Did you even want to go to Sumeru Academia? You had had your heart set on it since you were a child, but maybe that was only because your folks always envisioned you going there.

"Why are you crying, my love?" Kazuha asked, sitting you down near the fire to warm you up and standing up to get you a blanket and a hot cup of tea.

"I'm not good enough." You mumbled. If it was anyone else, they wouldn't have heard you. But your boyfriend could listen to the wind "talk" - he was very attuned to quiet and subtle noises.

"Nonsense." He smiled, bringing you the blanket as you listened to the water boil in the background.

"You're more than good enough. Everyone who knows you adores you - no one more than me, of course." Kazuha chuckled, eventually setting down two cups of tea and sitting in front of you on the floor.

"Public opinion won't improve my grades." You said, now more stoic than upset. You had almost become numb and desensitised to degrading comments that after you cried a little and calmed down, you'd be straight-faced and almost emotionless. It didn't feel good, but it was certainly better than feeling bad.

"So this is about school." Kazuha nodded, gesturing for you to continue explaining why had happened.

"They keep talking about my grades. They said I shouldn't be slacking and that I'm not going to get to Sumeru Academia and that they want me to do better...maybe I'm interpreting it wrong. Maybe they're trying to encourage me?" You wondered aloud, thinking that somehow you were the problem. As soon as you said "they", Kazuha knew who you are referring to and sighed.

"Encouragement and doubt are two very different things. Unrealistic expectations, detrimental practices, emotionally, mentally or physically taxing improvement - none of that is going to help you. In fact, it'll make you feel worse. When you really think about what you have to do to achieve perfection, you'll only realise how unattainable it is. You'll fall into a perpetual spiral of intellectual destruction." Kazuha said.

"Then how the hell am I gonna get the best results?" You asked worriedly.

"You won't. No one will ever get the best results because more people and more previously unforeseen factors will come into play. What you can achieve is your best results. Your grades are a product of you, not the other way around. They are no measure of your worth, they cannot define you, and they do not have to be a part of you. If you don't ace one subject, you don't have to hang on to that or turn it into some strange part of you. You can't cling to it, it's impossible to cling to a piece of the past forever. That's not to say you don't learn from it, but it doesn't need to become some villainous trait - in the end, it is only a grade." Kazuha shield at you. His words warmed your heart more than the fire or tea, and they even seemed to dry your tears and allow you to mirror his expression.

"And at the very least, you can hold your head high knowing that you had the strength to participate in an exam when not everyone does. You went in, sat through it, attempted the questions and walked out. Not everyone has the courage to stay; some don't even have the courage to start. That goes for any endeavour you face." Kazuha said, before inching closer to you.

"Feeling any better?" He asked. You nodded instantly. Of course, Kazuha's wise and whimsical words had bettered your mood, it was Kazuha for Archon's sake.

"Good. Maybe we could go for an evening stroll? I'll treat you to dinner if you haven't eaten." He offered.

"Can...can we just stay like this for a little longer? I think being alone with you is nicer." You smiled.

"Of course, Angel. Anything you want."

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this was less physical fluff than I intended, but I think I do comfort with direct words and dialogue best, so I hope this is okay. honestly, everything kasha said is what I would've wished to hear when I was in this situation. I'll probably post a rant about my own exam experiences because this request got all my past feelings to resurface.

thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed!

[svchengss]

hey barista! | l.dh

summary | befriending the barista from your local cafe doesn’t seem too bad

pairing | lee donghyuck x fem!reader ft. jaemin who’s a rlly cute side character in this :(

genre | fluff, angst, slight humour (?)

warnings | a kiss?? i don’t think there’s any but if i missed anything do lmk !!

word count | 3k+

s. tg | @hyuckefi [my apologies since i didn’t release a proper teaser for this 🙏🏻]

author’s note | this is my first fic exceeding 1k words so if u enjoyed reading this, please leave some feedbacks !! rb’s are also appreciated :D ALSO I SUCK AT SUMMARIES LMAO PLS IGNORE THAT

just another day of working at palm coffee, the same old routine. cleaning the countertop and tables before opening up the cafe, prepping the ingredients - more for top favourites! - and examining the machines to make sure they’re working properly. that’s some of hyuck’s daily routines as a barista. he didn’t mind them though, he loved his job. he couldn’t specify the reason why but all these tasks are genuinely interesting to him.

seeing you drop by the cafe is a normal occurrence for him. since you are a regular customer after all, the rest of the staff already know you well. heck, they’re even good friends with you. jaemin hangs out with you more than he does despite being jaemin’s childhood friend. except for him, he doesn’t really know why. he’s not really shy, considering the fact that he’s a social butterfly. he just couldn’t bring himself to say anything to you, the only times he did so was to take your orders when the rest of the workers were busy in the store.

upon hearing the doorbell chime which signals a new customer entering the cafe, hyuck blurted out the usual line. “hello, welcome to palm coffee! how can i help-“, looking up from the cash register only to find you in a disheveled state. “-you?” he eyes you up and down, noting how a few strands of your hair were out of place, the nude lipstick smeared on the left corner of your mouth and your outfit looks really rushed. 

“sorry, what was your name again, hyuck right?” you quickly glanced at the nametag hanging nicely on his apron. “i’m in a rush right now, can i get a,” you scanned over the menu behind him, “uh, white coffee, please?”. 

“that will be six dollars. you can use the restroom in the meantime to, you know, touch up your makeup and stuff,” he takes the bills from your hand, putting them in the machine in front of him before flashing you with that warm smile of his. you wished him a quick thanks before disappearing into the back of the place.

now that was embarrassing.

your eyes scanned over the hall to find your friend before hearing her shout your name from across. damn, why does she have to be so loud? stares were directed towards you as you walked up the stairs to your designated seat. all the chatter going on in the lecture hall became quiet as soon as your professor placed her things on the desk, which means class has started. 

after hearing a two-hour lecture and writing some notes - where suddenly song lyrics and scribbles appear - the words you’ve been waiting to hear finally echoed through the speakers. 

“class is dismissed, thank you everyone for listening,” mrs. hui’s voice later being flushed out by the buzzing voices of the students walking out the hall, determined to finish their own activities. you stuffed your ipad and papers into your light yellow jansport backpack before going out to meet vic who’s waiting for you outside. 

“i’m exhausted, what did she even teach just now?” vic sighed to her heart’s content. you can’t blame her, today’s topic was quite complicated. circuits analysis or something? you can’t really wrap your head around it, your brain being stuffed with all the information. vic kept on ranting  about the problems she faced from the moment she woke up, making you giggle at some comments she made. 

“wait for me, i’m almost done,” he folded his apron neatly before shoving it into the drawer and grabbing his bag from the counter to join jaemin, who’s waiting at the front door with the keycard. hyuck accepted jaemin’s request to help him with some shopping for his sister’s birthday party next week. obviously, the rest of the staff were also invited. 

jaemin divided the shopping list into two, allowing hyuck to find the rest of the things with ease.

“now where are the streamers…” he muttered out loud enough for himself to hear, crouching down to browse through the party decorations on the shelf. or he thought so, as you could hear him sighing clearly in dire need of the certain decoration, that you decided to help him out. 

“um, hyuck? i think the party streamers are in the aisle beside this one? you look a bit troubled there,” you chuckled lightly. the heat flushed to his cheeks, feeling dumbfounded. 

“really? uh, thank you for the help,” he gave you a small grin that could hardly be seen if you didn’t spot the corner of his lips. and with that, he’s long gone with his shopping basket.

you are fond of the atmosphere you’re in right now. the decorations left you in awe - white and pink silk hanging from the wall with silver letter balloons spelling out happy birthday stitched onto them. you can see jaemin’s sister, eun-ji, being carried out of her room with a small flowy white dress and wearing a golden bow on her head, her brunette hair being tied into ponytails. the na family really adore their youngest girl.

meanwhile, there are only a couple of adults your age attending the party -  jaemin’s co-workers, some of his other friends which you aren’t familiar with and hyuck. he looked rather chill, with an oversized beige sweater and white jeans to suit the party’s theme. you’re not quite bad as well, your hair combed nicely and kept neat with a headband, a white sundress with strawberry patterns on it fit nicely on your figure, complemented with a heart-locket necklace placed on your collarbones. before reaching jaemin’s house, you made sure to drop by a local store to get some gifts for eun-ji. she’s a very well-mannered kid which made you adore her very much.

“y/n? very glad to see you here,” hyuck said as he approached you, offering you a plate of cake which he cut.

“i could say the same to you too, mr. lee,” you let out a soft laugh. he made sure to keep a mental note over how pretty you looked today.

“y/n, hyuck! glad you two broke the ice, did you know how hurt i was seeing you two act like strangers whenever y/n came by the cafe?” jaemin enveloping you into a small hug before fake pouting. you can only laugh at the fake debate the two guys in front of you were having. after conversing with hyuck and jaemin for quite some time, you realised that he’s a cool person to talk to, where all this time, you thought he hated you for some reason. before leaving, you made sure to thank mrs. na for hosting the party and off you went home. 

following the previous encounters, hyuck felt much more comfortable around you - even hanging out with you during his shift where you would do your assignments at the cafe he’s working at. every now and then, he would also invite you to hang out with him and jaemin. however, what he didn’t realise was how he slowly pent up feelings - romantically. 

ding dong!

he pressed on the doorbell button with a box of doughnuts in his left hand. the three of you were supposed to be having a movie night, but jaemin got caught up with his groupwork which leaves the two of you alone. 

“hey hyuck! come in,” you gestured, arranging the cushions on your sofa to make it look more organized. the interior of your rented apartment is calming, the light grey walls suiting the navy blue sofa and furniture with darker undertones. the walls are also not left empty, with modern art portraits hanging from it. 

“i brought donuts, your favourite, right?” he opened the box, placing it on the coffee table while you set up the television. you wished him a quick thank you before grabbing two canned drinks from the refrigerator, handing one to him and pressing play on the remote control. you two weren’t quiet throughout the whole movie, with snarky comments on how hot the actors were or how stupid they were being were made. 

he didn’t know you were sleepy though as all of a sudden, he could feel the weight of your head on top of his shoulder. it was a rather awkward situation as he didn’t move at all so you could sleep comfortably. before long, he joined you and dozed off to wonderland. the next morning, you were more than embarrassed to find yourself cuddling up to him, with the next movie still playing on the screen.

seeing your figure outside the front door made hyuck more excited to greet you today. after making a quick order for a green tea latte, you fished out your purse from your handbag, feeling frantic if you’ve lost it outside. luckily, you were the only customer in line as the rest of them were already seated and carrying out their own businesses.

“sorry, but i think this might be yours,” you turned around to find a tall-looking guy handing out your black purse. a wave of relief washed over your soul, thanking the latter profusely.

“mind if i buy you a drink? i hate feeling like i owe someone,” you offered, which he gladly accepted. 

“i’d like a double espresso, please,” he kept his hands into his pockets. 

“and your name, sir?” hyuck looked mildly bothered.

“yukhei,” he ran his slightly blonde hair through the slender fingers. hyuck hated how cocky he looked, feeling more annoyed than ever over the scene that was played in front of him just now. he hated how yukhei looked at you. 

why should he get jealous? he’s just a mere friend to you, that’s all. you have to stop overreacting, hyuck. 

those words kept running through his mind all day.

“dude, are you okay? you looked-” jaemin opened the staff room, interrupting him from the self-talk he was having, “-distracted,” finishing up his sentence. 

“nope, i’m just fine,” he said, bringing the honey smile back onto his face. jaemin nodded before disappearing back to the front to serve the customers. 

stop being so jealous, hyuck. you’re just a friend. not more, not less. 

“jaemin, how do you know if you like someone?” that question is kind of shocking to him, especially if it’s coming from hyuck. of course, he’s had a crush before but it was during middle school. just a silly, little crush. growing up, he’s never had one - not even in high school.

“you’ve asked the right person,” jaemin managed to do his obnoxious voice, even while driving the car. he’s right, he is the matchmaker of the friend group, just how many relationships worked out because of him? eyes still focused on the road - he’s a responsible driver of course, he began to explain the feeling to hyuck, making his points loud and clear.

“first of all, you start feeling a little too happy whenever you’re around them. and no, this is not the oh-we’re-best-friends-forever type of happy, it’s the i’ll-make-you-the-happiest-person-on-earth one. not to forget, you will also experience some kind of turbulence in your heart, expect them to be jumping around a bit. or a lot, whichever suits you the best.

you also tend to feel nervous around that person. like, stuttering your words in obvious or non-obvious ways, feeling faster heartbeats than usual, you name it. oh! if you’ve ever felt jealous whenever they are around someone else, i mean, in affectionate ways, you might have one. however, my tip is for you not to act out of your mind. you don’t want to ruin whatever relationship you have currently, do you?” even when driving, he still managed to deliver his points with full precision and accuracy. 

nodding his head, hyuck took some mental notes to be thought through when he gets home. 

hyuck stared at you, whose figure is snoring soundly on his lap. he assumed you must be feeling exhausted, mid-terms just ended after all. while threading his fingers through your hair, he remembered what jaemin said to him weeks earlier.

1. being happy around them

like jaemin said, it is normal to be happy around your friends. but being with you, it kind of gave more joy for him. not to mention that he started to catch himself smiling over your texts and being reminded of you over small things - your favorite donut topping, the name of that one stray puppy you gave. 

2. feeling nervous around them

his heart would beat a lot faster whenever you get closer towards him, whether accidentally or to mess with him. 

3. getting jealous over someone else

he shouldn’t be jealous of how yukhei looked at you. but he seriously can’t help it. and the way he’s always there during your hangouts. he doesn’t care if he seems petty, yukhei just isn’t in his favour.

his deep thoughts came to a halt when you called out his name, eyes still half-closed, attempting to open them a bit more. 

“did i interrupt you or something? gosh, i’m so sorry,” you quickly stood up but he pulls your body back onto his lap, asking for you to stay.

“what are we?” that question caught you off-guard. the same one that has been at debate in the back of your mind these days. 

i don’t know hyuck, it’s complicated. 

“what do you think we are, hyuck?” you shot the question back at him, your gaze piercing through his soul.

“i don’t know. it’s just-” 

“are you sure?” a deep sigh left your lips. have you been interpreting his body languages wrong? did he only see you as a normal friend, nothing more? 

“sorry, i’m not feeling well. see you later hyuck, bye,” you tried your best to shoot the sweet smile of yours but only a faint one seemed to appear. once you stepped out of the room, he buried his face into his hands. 

god, what have i done?

“don’t feel too down, y/n. maybe there’s something more that he couldn’t bring himself to say?” vic suggested, handing you some tissue.

“i don’t know, i seriously have no idea. why can’t he just say it?” you continued to sob into her arms, she pitied you, especially in your condition right now. but she can’t do anything to help you, other than consoling and listening. 

jaemin knew something was wrong, from your rare visits to the cafe to hyuck not being himself lately. something was definitely wrong and it’s between the both of you. sure, hyuck might be saying that he’s fine again and again, but his expressions can’t lie. the sweet smile of his is long gone and his jokes are no longer heard. whatever it is, jaemin is determined to solve it. he just wants his best friends back. 

looks of dismay can be read all over hyuck’s face when the person facing him is no other than the guy himself, yukhei. still, he tried to control his composure, not making his inner feelings any more obvious.

“so what brings you here?” he took a sip of the mineral water, still making his throat rough from the tension hanging in the air. 

“look, i’m not here for any fights. i know you like y/n, everybody can see it. and honestly, you were oblivious to your own feelings,” he rubbed his hands together. the latter’s puzzled face made him continue his words.

“i’m not trying to make her like me, or whatever you’ve been assuming. sorry if i gave the wrong message but you are the one who should make a move. i can see from the way she looks at you, the feelings are mutual,” he straightened up the denim jacket outside the white shirt wrapping his figure. 

letting out a heavy sigh, hyuck’s face begins to soften up. “no, i should be the one who’s sorry. i’ve been such a prick to everyone around me lately, especially you,” he took of the cap from his head, messing up his hair. 

“no problem, bro. it’s understandable, i guess. now good luck with her, please treat her well,” the two guys exchanged a fist bump for the problem solved. jaemin leaned his back against the wall, smiling and feeling satisfied.

you called out jaemin’s name but to no avail. he invited you to his apartment but seeing that the lights are out, it’s clear enough that he hasn’t finished whatever he was doing yet. just as you were about to leave, you saw hyuck at the other side of it, both your faces mirroring the same look of confusion.

“so, uh, how have you been doing these days? it’s been a while since we talked,” he chose to break the silence. now, you two were sitting facing each other by the balcony. inhaling the breeze, you paused for a moment before responding to his question.

“i’ve been feeling, not as usual. definitely not happy but not that sad,” you pushed some of the loose hair strands hanging on your forehead behind your ears before asking about his.

“you know what, i’m just going to be direct with you. i, lee donghyuck have been holding feelings for you since i don’t know when. yeah sure, i wasn’t really sure at first about what i was going through. i guess i was just scared of how you would react,” he scratched his ears which are not feeling itchy at all, but rather an attempt to distract himself from the overwhelming emotions deep inside him. 

not wanting to waste time any longer, you placed your right hand onto his cheek, standing on the heels of your feet to bring your two lips together. the kiss was short before he pulls you back in for another, this time a more passionate one. he could feel you smile against his lips before enveloping your body into his arms.

“i’ve missed you, you know?” he whispered, his voice tender, directing right into your ears before you replied with how you missed him more. the both of you continued to whisper sweet nothings while embracing each other’s presence. 

jaemin looked at the both of you from a distance, his heart swelling with pride. 

— another pair of lovers matched, cupid jaemin signing out.

[celestialrry]

bunny

6.3k

summary: Harry's shy and you need a tutor.

warnings: like none, cursing?, severe fluff

You rushed into class, and scrambled over to sit in your chair, huffing as the clock struck 9:00 a.m. the moment you touched the seat. Why you signed up for a morning class you knew you would never want to wake up for is beyond you. Why the class you were taking was about English literature, a genre you had only read less than 3 books in was also beyond you. Being undecided in your major didn’t have many perks, you had come to find.

“Alright class, first things first, you’ll be having a test in this class next week about what we studied this past month.”

As your professor droned on, your heartbeat started to pick up. A month into your second year of university and you already had a test? This was absolute torture. You were psyching yourself out at this point, almost positive you would fail, until you zoned back into class to hear a deep voice speaking.

The boy with the curls almost reaching his shoulders in the back of the class, Harry, you thought. He was terrifying and intimidating, but he raised his hand almost every other question and got it right. Always. He was the answer to all of your problems. The one who always wore those tattered brown Chelsea boots and long coats. You had even seen a peek of tattoos on his hand once.

The rest of class was spent thinking of ways to ask him to tutor you. So far, you would suggest to pay him for his time, do it only when he’s available (you would switch your schedule around for him, you were already going to ask a lot of him), and just try to be really nice. You always tried not to judge on looks, but Harry seemed quite scary, and you were afraid he’d turn you down immediately.

Soon class was dismissed and you grabbed your trusty bag (it had survived multiple sleepovers at Niall’s and that boy could destroy anything by just touching it) and slung it over your shoulder, looking to see Harry walking out of the classroom. You hurried over to him out of the doors and caught up to him. “Hi, um, Harry?” You asked, and he stopped in his tracks.

He looked back at you and his eyes widened. He had to look back down for a moment so you couldn’t see him flush out of surprise. He looked back up at you and smiled softly. “Hello.” Harry mumbled, adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder. No one really ever spoke to Harry all that much. People just never approached him and he had no idea why (his friends had tried to clue him in that he did seem a bit intimidating with his brows furrowed almost all the time, his body littered with tattoos, and the fact that he’s quite a buff guy, but you couldn’t really tell from his oversized sweaters that he seems to wear every single day, but that’s besides the point) and it confused him a bit. It also made him a bit shy around anyone he didn’t already know, because he didn't want to come off too strong at first and scare anyone away.

You smiled at him and introduced yourself before you continued to ask him what you had been dreading out of pure nerves. “Um, I know this is weird, but we’re in the same English lit class and I notice you know like, all the answers to what Mr. Reeves asks, n’I just really wanna pass this test so I was maybe wondering if you could tutor me or something? I would pay you of course-”

“You don’t-you don’t have to pay me.” He interrupted you from rambling on for too long because you tended to do that a lot, and Harry had no idea but he had just saved himself about ten minutes of time. If you were his chance at a new friend, he wouldn’t want it to start off on money, because helping a friend wouldn't be a job. “Oh!” Your mouth formed an “o” shape and your eyebrows raised at him. “Are you sure? I mean that's fucking awesome if you really don’t want money, but I would just feel so bad taking up your time without giving you anything in return.”

You prayed that he would say that you really didn’t need to pay him anything. If he meant it, it means this boy was a godsend and you would be happy spending time with this bloke if he is really that sweet all the time. You wouldn’t expect it just because he rarely ever speaks to other people. The most words you had ever heard him speak was when he was answering a question from Mr. Reeves-

“S’fine, really. If I tutor you, um, it's basically like studying m’self so...” He trailed off scratching the back of his neck, and bringing you back to Earth. You broke out into a grin and bounced a bit on your toes, because he was going to help you pass the final and you didn’t have to pay him. “Perfect! Wow, Harry, you’re an angel. Thank you so much,” You complimented him as you grabbed your phone from your back pocket and as your eyes darted away from his face for a few moments, he attempted to bite back his smile, because you were talking to him, and calling him an angel.

You pulled your pink-case covered cell and unlocked it, handing it to Harry and saying, “Here, put your contact in so I can text you about meeting up, s’that cool?” To which he nodded and took your phone gently and began typing his name and number in, and biting back his tongue when he was about to tell you he had the same phone case as you, because you probably wouldn’t care (you actually would care a very great deal, but Harry had been so used to being ignored he figured he wouldn’t muck up his one chance at a new friend). he handed your phone back to you and you just shoved it back in your pocket, the smile never leaving your face.

“Thanks again Harry, it really means a lot. I’ll text you later, yeah?” You said, slowly beginning to walk to your next class. He just offered you a small smile before continuing the way he was before you had asked him to tutor you. Why he didn’t want money was still itching at the back of your brain, mostly because when you told your best friend, Niall, about it later that night he had said “What kinda college student turns down money?” before going off into a rant about how he wished he actually knew what he was learning so he could tutor someone and get some extra cash. You reminded him he already had a job, but it seemed tutoring was “so much easier than dealing with kids whose parents didn’t give a rats-ass if they yell in the restaurant.”

｡:°ஐ

You and Harry had arranged to meet on Wednesday, because you only had one morning class as did he, and would meet in the library at 12 p.m. You don’t think you had ever been so anxious walking into a library before, but here you were, opening the double doors and swiping your student I.D. (which had a horrid picture on it, they really never tell you when they take the photo) before your eyes scanned the front part of the library you could see. It was safe to say you weren’t in the library very often, if seeing your frazzled face as you zig-zagged through the rows of bookshelves was enough to go by.

You made your way to the back, where you assumed the tables for studying and reading would be, and as you turned the corner of one of the oddly tall bookshelves, you thanked your instincts for the first time, and scanned the area until you found a certain flop of messy brown curls hunched over at a table.

“Hi Harry,” You chittered, flopping down in the seat across from him and immediately pulling out your notes and the book you had been reading for class, Pride and Prejudice. “How are you?”

For the first time, you noticed he wore glasses, when he looked up at you and pushed the clear tan frames up the bridge of his nose, a bit startled by your arrival. “M’good, you?” He asked, no emotion or tone behind his voice really. It sounded like he just wanted you to stop talking almost, but you settled on the fact that it was your nerves telling you he hated you.

“’Bout as good as I can be with teachers up my ass all week.” You said, and a small smile struck his face. You wondered what it would be like to make him laugh. Shaking your head from your thoughts, you cleared your throat and looked at your notes before back up at him. “Alright, so m’a bit confused on why Charlotte marries Collins? I mean, ignoring the fact that they’re all related, I’ve re-read it so many times but the old English they use is so confusing.”

After your question, Harry delves into the answer, not going on an extraordinarily long tangent, but a decently long one, explaining the relationship between them, and why they married when he wanted Elizabeth first, and so on. What was even better was that he explained it all so easily you understood it all (and his voice was sweeter than honey), you just kept wanting to ask more questions, so you did.

Harry was talkative when you kept asking him questions, and it seemed like he was enjoying himself, but whenever the conversation swerved into personal life, Harry shut off and became more quiet. It wasn’t like you were asking him about his family drama, the conversation had smoothly sailed into something about high school.

“I wish I read this book in high school when they gave us the chance.” You sighed, flipping through the pages to where you had put a sticky note to write down your confusion. You truly regretted not being one of those reading types, but you preferred to hear things more (like Harry’s voice), and listening to music became your ‘hobby’ instead.

“Yeah, reading it earlier makes it pretty easy now.” He shrugged, going through his own notes. “I just wasn’t much of a reader, did you read a lot in high school?” It's an innocent enough question, and after spending about 2 hours with Harry, you already knew you would want to get to know him more, but it seemed he didn’t feel the same. “A bit.” He said, tensing up. While you were mildly confused by his body language, Harry just didn’t want to talk about highschool. He read a lot, and was so in his own world he found it hard to really have many friends. He had a few loyal ones, but books would always be there, as cheesy as that was. High school wasn’t fun for anyone, he was sure of it.

“You seem like you’d read a lot, you just give off that vibe, y’know?” You said, looking at him. He lifted his gaze from his notes and you truly could not tell what he was thinking. He gave a small “hmph” in response to your question that wasn’t really a question and looked back down at his notes, gathering them all quite fast. “I think we’re good for the day, just text me if you want anymore help.” He mumbled, slinging his bag over his shoulder and rushing out of the library. You sat there with your mouth slightly open in shock at the way he left so abruptly. After a few moments you packed up your own things and practically ran after him, bursting through the double doors and trying to find him, to-you actually didn’t know what to do. You didn’t even know what happened. That’s why you found yourself on your couch with Niall as he ate all your snack food, deep in a long-winded advice session from him.

“He just ran out Niall, I don’t even know what happened, like did I say something?” You asked, picking your nails in distress, your eyes following the chip that disappeared in his mouth seconds later. “What’s this bloke’s name, again?” He asked, after chewing (Niall could be vulgar, but he wasn’t an animal). “Um, Harry. Longish brown curls, pretty green eyes, y’know? I-I don’t even know his last name.”

The blonde’s icy blue eyes widened in recognition after a moment of thinking, and he slapped your bicep gently. “Harry Styles! I’ve heard o’him. Apparently he has like two friends and never speaks, s’not hard to believe you have a thing for him, bug.” Your brow raised incredulously, and you were quick to defend yourself, and Harry. “I do not have a thing for him, and just because he doesn’t have many friends doesn’t mean he’s a-wait what do you mean it's not hard to believe?”

Niall rolled his eyes and sat up a bit more, turning to actually face you. “You like the quiet types, s’why we aren’t dating, obviously, n’I never said he was a dud, love, just tellin’ you what I heard.” You just nodded, deciding to not worry about it so much. “There’s many reasons we aren’t dating Ni.” You gave him a compassionate smile and pat his knee. The two of you then burst out into laughter and your worries about Harry faded away.

Until the next morning that is.

You had been going over the study guide Mr. Reeves had emailed everyone that morning and realized you weren’t sure about quite a few of the things you were supposed to know. Sighing, you opened your phone and clicked on Harry’s contact typing out a text.

Hey Harry! Wondering if you could meet up sometime again this weekend just to go over the study guide?

You hit send and prayed that he wouldn’t just ignore it, especially after running out last time. After looking back at the email, you heard your notification bell go off just a few minutes later.

I can do Friday at 8pm, and Sunday around 3.

A smile of relief graced your face at his quick response, no matter how short his texts were, he was still willing to help you, and you were extremely grateful. After texting him back and agreeing to meet back at the library, you went back to working on another assignment, happy that you were able to get more studying in, not about the fact that you got to see the quiet and unusually attractive Harry Styles again. That was not the reason.

｡:°ஐ

Eventually it was Friday night. Your friday nights usually consisted of Niall dragging you somewhere you did not want to be, like a frat party (he always made sure you got home safe though), or you sitting at home, watching a movie and binging on cookies that you had baked just 30 minutes prior. Tonight was different however, and you were attempting to open the doors of the library, because it was locked, but you were positive the library wasn’t closed.

A soft voice said your name, and you turned around to see Harry standing a few feet behind you, his hands in his pockets and his bag on his shoulder. “Harry,” you exhaled in relief. “I was about to text you, but it’s locked and I know for a fact it shouldn’t be closed because the hours say 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. every weekday.” You stated matter of factly, pointing to the hours painted on the door. He walked a bit closer to the door and adjusted his glasses a bit, pursing his pink lips as he read the hours. “You’re right.” he said simply, his sage eyes darting to the handle. You wordlessly stepped back and he went to the handle, pulling the door a bit, and pushing it. It moved a bit for him, but it was obvious it was locked.

Your mind raced for solutions, the only ones you were able to find was going to your flat, or wherever he lived, and you were almost positive he wouldn't want you in his house. You heard a little sigh leave his lips as he let go of the handle, and stuck his hands back in his pockets, rolling on the balls of his feet adorned with black boots today. “We could go to my place? If you’re comfortable with that of course, I won’t force you, but it’s like the only place I can think of and my roommate won’t be home tonight to distract us, something about staying the weekend at her boyfriends, but-”

“Sure.”

Your eyes fell back onto his face at his words and you gave a small smile, happy that he had agreed. “Alright, c’mon then.” You said, walking towards the direction of your flat. Only a few moments after you began taking steps he stopped you with his voice. “Wait, you walked here?” He asked, his face twisted up with something you couldn’t tell. “Yeah, m’only fifteen minutes away.” You shrugged. “It’s pitch black-um, come with me, I drove here and you can just direct me to yours.”

You just agreed and followed him to his car, which was an awfully nice black one, you weren’t sure of the brand, but as you got in, you could tell he took really good care of it (not that that was attractive to you or anything). Your words during the drive consisted of you telling him the four turns to take before directing him the best place to park in your lot. You ignored his gaze on you as you led him up the two flights of stairs to your hall, because “The elevator has been down for ages, and I’ve sent about four letters to the landlord, but all I’ve gotten in return is just unnecessary exercise for two months.”

He chuckled a bit at that and you swore your heart grew two sizes as you led him down the hall to your door. You unlocked it, and let him in, quickly walking in front to scan and make sure it wasn’t messy. You were never one to leave the house while it was dirty, but Niall had come over earlier to convince you to come to a party, and you were scared you hadn’t picked up his mess. He truly was like your child in a sense. Taking a sigh of relief at your clean flat, you turned around to see Harry closing your door and you brushed against him to lock it, you never kept your door unlocked at night.

You led him to the living room and dropped your bag on the floor next to the couch, and he did the same, pulling out your books and notes, as well as your laptop. Harry followed your actions and you could tell he was a bit uncomfortable in your flat, or at least that’s what it seemed like. “Do y’want some water or anything? I’m not sure what other drinks I have because I’m pretty sure Niall drank everything in here, and ate it probably as well.”

He looked up at your words and hesitated, bringing his bottom lip between his fingers. “Erm, I’ll have a water, please.” Now was not the time to ask about Niall or who he was to you, he told himself, because it didn’t matter. You nodded and stood up, hurrying over to your kitchen and grabbing two glasses of water for the both of you before handing one to Harry and sitting down on the couch again.

It was a bit weird at first, but soon enough the two of you slid into an easy conversation about the study guide, it was mostly you asking and Harry answering, but occasionally he would ask you something (that you were sure he already knew), and you would answer. It was a good back and forth, and you found yourself thinking about how it would be nice to talk to Harry like this about himself. You wanted to know everything, his favorite color down to the weird little quirks he has (you’ve already picked up on one, like when he itches the bottom of his nose with a curled index finger and slides it to the button of his nose before scrunching it).

“We’ve been studying for about two hours,” You noticed, looking at the time on your computer screen reading 10:03 PM. “I’ve just about filled my brain with enough information about fictional characters for today.”

You looked over at Harry to see him grinning a bit at your joke, and for the first time you noticed he had dimples. You were positive there was nothing wrong with him, other than the fact that he didn’t seem to want to be your friend (it wasn’t his fault, you could be a bit too much for people sometimes). “Okay, I should probably get back home to Luna anyways.” He said, his offhand comment filling your brain. Luna? You prayed you haven’t been taking his time away from a girlfriend, and before your brain could catch up your mouth was already moving. “Oh, who’s Luna?”

Harry looked at you like he forgot he mentioned her and his eyes widened a bit. “Oh, um, she’s m’kitten.” A wave of relief rushed over you, as well as another reason to want to get to know him more. A man so intimidating people didn’t approach him, had a kitten? Harry was flushing out of embarrassment of telling you this little fact, and looking down as he put his things in his bag to avoid eye contact with you, you did not care about his kitten, and you were indirectly telling him to leave, he didn't think he ever hated speaking more.

“That’s such a cute name!”You exclaimed. “Do you have any photos of her? It’s okay if you don’t want to show but I love cats, always wanted t’get my own.”

Nevermind.

30 minutes later, and he was sitting next to you awfully close on the couch, showing you his photo album of Luna. Some of the photos had Harry in them, one in particular, a mirror picture, where he was wearing sweats and had chosen to go without a shirt, holding Luna in one hand by his side. He swiped off of that one with lighting speed, and although you were telling yourself he obviously was embarrassed by you seeing his bare torso, which he shouldn’t be because wow, you couldn’t help your curiosity. “How many tattoos do y’have?”

He moved his head to face you, and only then did he realize how close the two of you were sitting. “Uh, I don’t know, fifty-something? I lost count a while ago.” Your eyes lit up at his words and a grin spread across your face. “Wow, that's so cool. Did it hurt a lot? I’ve always wanted to get a tattoo but I have no idea what, and where. I thought a small little butterfly on my ribs or something would be cute for a good year, but I don’t have much connection to butterflies really, and I feel like if I get something tattooed on your body for forever I would want something that really sticks with me.”

He couldn’t help it.

As you watched Harry while you were rambling on about tattoos you could see him smile. Truly smile, one where his teeth showed and everything. You tried not to get too giddy about it, but it was just so beautiful. “It started hurting less the more I got, and tattoos don’t have t’be something y’really connect with, I have a bunch jus’ because I thought they looked cool and had a decent meaning,” He said, and you were positive that’s the most he’s ever spoken to you. “I actually have a butterfly on m’tummy.”

“What other one’s do you have?” You asked, attempting to get him to talk as much as he could.

It worked, because soon the 30 minutes became an hour, and the hour became two, and he was in your flat at midnight. It seemed the two of you had no idea how much time had passed, because when you checked your phone it said it was five past midnight, and you reluctantly told Harry.

“Shit!” He muttered, and that was the first time you’ve heard him curse before. He looked at you, concern taking over his features. “M’so sorry for staying so long, I didn’t want to impose, I-”

“Harry, it’s okay, I promise. If I didn’t want you here, I would've told you to leave.” You said, and that seemed to calm him down a bit. “I’ll walk you down.”

You slipped on your coat and grabbed your keys, while Harry grabbed his tote and the two of you made your way down the stairs, this time a comfortable silence overtaking the stairwell. You reached his car and smiled at him as he unlocked it. “Thank you Harry, for everything, m’sure after Sunday I’ll be aces at analyzing characters.”

He smiled at you and fiddled with his sleeve before stepping closer and wrapping his arms around you. You were surprised to say the least, but your arms found their way around him as well and you reveled in his warmth. He stepped back after a moment and let his hands slide down your arms before bringing them back to his sides. “M’sorry, I should’ve-I just-you’re so nice n’I just-thank you.”

You couldn’t help but watch him try to stay afloat as he struggled to explain the hug. He really felt like he did though, because you were just so sweet, possibly the sweetest person he’s ever met, and you wanted to know about him, and his tattoos, and his kitten, and he doesn’t think he’s ever wanted to be with anyone for a hours on end, but he’s already decided that he’d want to be trapped in a room with you for days.

“No need to thank me, get home safe okay?” You smiled at him, reaching out and squeezing his arm and holy shit he’s fit. He looked down at your hand for a moment before smiling big and nodding, parting with a “G’night, I’ll see you Sunday.” before hopping into his car and insisting you walk up first. Rolling your eyes you smirked a bit and started walking up your stairs, turning around and waving at him before he sped off. That was quite possibly the best Friday night you’ve ever had.

｡:°ஐ

Harry was reeling, in the best way possible, but still reeling. After you got together to study on Sunday (and after you both aced the test, which you had given him the largest hug and a kiss on the cheek for), the two of you had hung out almost everyday after.

You met Luna during that following week, and he was expecting her to stay in his bedroom, because Luna didn’t really like new guests all that much, but she had immediately scurried up to you and walked in figure-eights around your feet. Your giggle of excitement was the best thing Harry had ever heard, and he had to take a moment not to squeal out of adoration.

He had opened up to you about, well, a lot. Told you how people just didn’t approach him, which was why he was so off-put when you did, and that he just didn’t want to scare anyone away. You shook your head and sat closer to him on the couch, lifting your hands to pinch his cheeks and pout as you said that he was “the sweetest person” you knew and you had “no idea how anyone could be scared of such a softie.” It was safe to say his face was flushed the entire conversation.

You had also commented on his sweater collection once, and everytime you would shiver, he’d pull off his own sweater and give it to you to wear, even in the courtyard when the weather was reaching 30 degrees. You had refused due to the fact that he would be cold, and eventually he just gave you a sweater you had expressed your liking for. He had handed it to you and you frowned in confusion and said, “Did you bring that just for me?”, because he was already wearing his own, and he had nodded and once you put it on he mumbled, “Keep it.” You did.

It got to the point where the two of you had spent so much time together you introduced him to Niall, to which Niall had commented, “So this is the Harry bloke you’ve been talking about all the time. Nice to meet ya, mate. So, how did you grow your hair out so long?” You had hit his shoulder for embarrassing you, but it seemed Harry didn’t even skip a beat when he started talking about how he had decided to grow his hair out. It was a story you’d heard before, but with Harry speaking, you would listen to the same words over and over again.

When you each went home for winter break, Harry had hugged you tightly and kissed your cheek, telling you that it was only 2 weeks, and the both of you would be back before you knew it. When the two of you weren’t texting, you were calling each other, and he was right, because you had both gotten back yesterday, a day full of hugs of goodbye’s from families, and full of cheek and forehead kisses, along with hugs and cuddles from Harry. You teased him about the gift, a book you had told him was the only one you wanted to read, he mailed you, and he teased you about his gift, a sweater with  a hand-stitched (by you) small little moon where the left breast was, for Luna, and posters of his favorite artists, because he didn’t have anything on his walls.

Today was a day of “movies and cookies, it rhymes” as Harry had put it, and you had just knocked on his door, adorned with the sweater he gave you and some sweats. He opened the door almost immediately, a large smile on his face as he brought you in and gave you a large hug, to which you returned. “Missed you.” He mumbled into your shoulder. “I saw you yesterday, dimples.” You said, squeezing him before letting go and poking the indent in his cheek that just got deeper. “I told you I hate that nickname, bunny.” He smirked. “Oh, shove off.” You smiled, making your way to his living room where Luna was curled up on the couch on the right side, close enough to the end that no one could sit there, but close enough to the middle that practically half of his couch was taken.

“Don’t move her,” He said, walking up beside you. “She’s been crazy all day and she's finally relaxing, little devil.” You just shrugged and looked at the cookies he had already set out. “As long as I get these, I don’t mind where she is.”

The two of you settled next to each other on the couch as he chose an old horror movie that you begged not to watch but according to Harry, “S’not even scary, pet. Nothing is realistic, swear.” You just grumbled in defeat as he started to play it and just stuffed cookies into your mouth as you fell against the back of the couch.

Half an hour later, and your head was tucked in Harry’s chest, while your legs fell over his own. His hand was splayed across your back, rubbing up and down gently and mumbled “It’s okay”’s and “I’ve got you”’s while you peeked out to see the giant ant’s taking over. He really couldn’t believe it, you of all people were in his arms at night. He wished it could be every night, and when he heard your breathing slow down he suddenly took it back.

What the hell was he supposed to do?

You hadn’t planned on sleeping over, but just the other day were you complaining about not getting enough sleep because of your “stupid Philosophy professor”, and there was no way in hell Harry was going to wake you up. He hesitated for a moment, before turning off the T.V. because in the time he was deciding on what to do the movie had long stopped playing, and wrapped his other arm under your knees, gently picking you up and taking you to his bed.

He laid you down and tucked you under the covers, grabbing a pillow for himself before making his way to the couch for the night. He made sure to set an alarm to wake up before you did, and make you breakfast.

When you opened your eyes, the last thing you were expected to be met with was a white ceiling with a sleek silver fan nailed in. You sat up groggily, looking around the room to recognize it as Harry’s room. You had only been in here a few times, mostly to scavenge his closet, but you knew his room when you saw it. You swung your legs out of bed, and slowly made your way to the living room, where you were met with a sleeping Harry, spread out on the couch in his sweats, without a shirt. You tried not to linger your gaze on all his tattoos and abs as you walked by him to check the time on your phone. Almost 9 a.m., and by the vibrating phone next to yours, with the same case, you could tell he meant to set an alarm but forgot to turn his ringer on.

He had an alarm set for something, and he never told you what he was doing this morning, so you decided you would wake him up, just in case. You grabbed his shoulder gently, and tried not to think about how warm he was, shaking him gently and calling his name. “Harry…” You said in a sing-songy voice a few times. He pouted in his sleep and grunted a bit, before scrunching his eyes open. He practically jumped back when he saw you and his head fell back against the arm of the couch. Of course he wouldn’t wake up before you. “Morning.” You grinned. “G’morning. M’sorry if you were confused when y’woke up. I just brought y’to my bed cause you fell asleep, n’I was gonna wake up before you but obviously that didn’t work out.”

You just shook your head and smiled, trying not to think about his morning voice. There were a lot of things you had to try not to think about with Harry. “No worries, wanna go grab breakfast at the diner down the street? Heard they have killer hashbrowns.”

And all thanks to you, Harry wonders what he had to worry about in the first place.

After breakfast, you went back to your place, Harry in your living room while you got dressed for the day, changing your sweats to jeans and slipping back out of your room. “Alright, what’s the plan?” You asked, tugging the sleeves of his sweater down to make paws. It wasn’t like Harry hadn’t seen you with his sweater on, but it seemed to make him more flustered everytime you did wear it. He shrugged and looked you up and down quickly. “I like your sweater, where’d y’get it?” He joked, in an attempt to mask his blush.

“From this really cute guy, he just gave it to me one day.” You shrugged, and watched as he bit his bottom lip in an attempt not to smile too much. “Really cute?” He asked as you stepped closer to him. “Mhm, his name is Harry.”

“Please stop.” He said, and you stepped back, confused by his sudden change in emotion. “I’m just joking, Harry.” You said, attempting to save the moment. His bottom lip trembled and he sat down on your couch, his head falling in his hands. “I know, n’I don’t want you t’be.” He mumbled as you sat next to him. He pulled his head out of his hands and looked at you, his heart beating faster than it ever has.

“I really like you, bunny. And I don’t wanna ruin our friendship because you’re the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time, but I cant- I can’t listen to you joke about how you think I’m cute if y’don’t feel the same.”

You swear your heart bursted at his confession. A smile overtook your face and you moved so you were right next to him. You placed your hands on the sides on his face and kissed his nose. “You think I don’t feel the same? For someone so smart, m’surprised you haven’t realized it before,” you said softly, as he looked at you in wonder and shock. “I really like you too.” You leaned in and placed your lips on his, about to pull back when he didn’t respond. He then began to kiss you back and his hands found a home on your hips. When the two of you pulled away, he smiled like a fool and pecked your lips once more.

There was never anything to worry about with you, he was sure of it.

[ficforthought]

On being SO DONE with M*sha, a rant a decade in the making!

After giving this some thought I'm going to go ahead and give my opinion on Misha and yesterday’s situation in public for the first time ever. I was going to just post on Twitter but since this has been 12 years in the making I have exceeded the number of tweets I can put in one thread! There’s A LOT in here, so my summary is also long. I'm aware that I will lose followers over this, I'm not looking to offend anyone but it will inevitably happen. I wish anyone leaving all the best as fellow human beings.

TL;DR - having kept quiet for so long I’ve finally reached my limit and it’s all come bubbling out. I’ve never been a fan of Misha, I’ve been ambivalent for the most part, but have never criticised him in any hateful way, that's not who I am, but after all these years of putting up with his bullshit, attention seeking and troublemaking I am DONE. Deleting his tweet containing the word Wincest and replacing it with an APOLOGY just to pander to his Minions and save face is the straw that broke the camel's back. He has consistently pushed his ship on not only fans but on other actors (despite Jensen's discomfort, and him having repeatedly made his feelings known on it), he has stood by while his Minions/Hellers have harassed, victimised, doxxed and sent death threats to people based on their FICTIONAL ships. He has pandered to their gatekeeping, constantly demanded attention in obvious and not so obvious ways, and to the best of my knowledge never criticised their actions even though he's aware of it in a very real way. Some of his Minions have now taken their shit into The Boys fandom and created negativity for Jensen before the guy has even got a foot through the set door, and how is that supporting one half of your ship?

Misha has claimed to be a victim of targeted harassment from Wincest/brother fans (not only shippers) yet his fans have said and done the most despicable things on his watch, all in the name of what he must think is entertainment, or even his idea of a ‘joke’.

Any respect I had for the man based on his humanitarian work has gone because I can only take so much hypocrisy. He and his pandering because of a desperate attempt to be woke and wholly inclusive (which is actually impossible, no matter how good intentions are) are beyond pathetic. Whilst I have never seen why people think he’s so great I have friends IRL and online who genuinely adore the man, yet they have been shocked and upset by his contempt for half of the fandom that made him somewhat famous. It's disgusting and I'm not scrolling by any more. Misha, I hope to never see you on anything J2 related in future because none of us need that kind of negativity, *especially* not J2. Be gone, foul fiend!

OK, so to the too long part. Please be aware that these are my opinions as a fan of the show, of Sam and Dean, and J2, not only as a shipper. I can separate canon and fanon, and can view canon from a gen or shippy PoV. Whether you agree or disagree with my opinion let me be clear that I do not condone constant bashing and hate of a person or character so this isn’t the start of a regular thing for me. It's possible to have an opinion and not show the same vitriol that has been following this man around for years, and that’s what I’m doing. I've not posted this to prompt more negativity, it's simply to get it off my chest and make it clear how I feel. I stand by my philosophy of ship who you want to ship, enjoy it, but don't force it on other people and don't be a dick about it…hmm, that kinda sounds like familiar behaviour, though, does it not?!

I have ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUE with other people liking Misha, Cas or Destiel when it’s for the love of the characters and the ship. What I *do* have an issue with is people who are the true definition of a Heller. I don’t see that as a generic term, don't be ignorant and think I do because I know the difference between actual ship fans and the crazies, both ships have ‘em and I want no part of either of their venom. If you are reading this and class yourself as a Heller then you are part of the problem so run along and as you are all so fond of saying, 'get help' and take your bestie king with you.

I’m stating my opinion in what I feel is the most mature way I can, because unlike many people on SM, I am an adult and can act accordingly, with forethought and without resorting to temper tantrums and bullying of other people to get my point across. I am able to tell the difference between reality and fiction, I don't tar everyone with the same shipper brush and I don't expect everyone to agree with my opinion, but as we know opinions are like arseholes, we all have them and sometimes they stink. Unlike some, for the most part in life (online and offline) I *do* stand by what I say and don’t backtrack or delete things to appease the masses. I have spent a lot of time writing this out to be as clear as possible without being intentionally hateful. Bear with me jumping between actor and character where relevant, at this point they're conjoined. I will say this before I go any further, it doesn’t end well for Misha, I don’t mince my words and if you don’t like seeing facts and opinions laid out, this isn't the post for you.

I’ll say right off the bat what most of you have surmised - I’ve never held Misha (or Cas) in high esteem but I have never *hated* on him. I have shared mild criticism of his actions and opinions on Cas over the years but never, I feel, in any way that has made me feel I have something to apologise for. I have said several times I've been unhappy about Misha crashing con panels, taking attention away from J2 when at those cons *most* people paid their hard earned money to see the STARS of the show they love, first and foremost, and anyone else is a very nice bonus. The odd appearance here and there crashing a panel is fine (and Misha isn’t the first or last person to do it), maybe take up a few minutes then leave, but when someone commandeers an entire panel, that's just not on. It's not only selfish, rude and attention seeking but also disrespectful to other actors, fans and to the organisers who work hard to make sure everything ties in to give us the best con experience we can have. Everyone gets their turn on stage, there's no need to try and hog any more of the limelight, Veruca Salt style. Oh, and if you’re reading this and not getting that reference, (a) you shouldn’t be on my blog because you’re far too young, (b) look it up, and if you still don’t get what I’m saying… well then please refer to point (a). Thank you, kindly!

There was a time in Kripke's era where Cas was - I feel - intentionally used as a pawn by the writers to divert *canon* from the ‘questionable’ relationship between Sam and Dean, i.e. Wincest focus. Prior to that people (other fans) lightened up and just accepted the fact that Wincest had been there since day one in terms of the writing of the show and the fandom. All the cast and crew knew - J2, Kripke and JDM in particular - and made light of it, never judging, never shaming and often encouraging it because they understand it’s a fun part of fandom. Wincest was present enough to be part of the not so subtle subtext, as I said people just accepted it. Kink tomato was alive and well, so was ‘don’t like, don’t read’ and we all just scrolled over things we didn’t like without turning everything into a personal vendetta and excuse for bullying others who didn’t share our views. When the angels came into the plot I think most of us Wincest fans gave the Dean/Cas innuendos the small laugh they deserved and then turned back to the focus of the show which was the brothers, as it had always been intended. Misha, however, milked those moments as much as possible which was amusing at the start but got old *very* quickly, not just for fans (shippers and non shippers alike), but for other actors, in particular Jensen who is on record MULTIPLE times showing his dislike for Destiel. He told people outright that's not how he was playing the relationship between the two characters and CATEGORICALLY said "Destiel doesn't exist" but did it end there? No, it did not because neither fans or Misha let it go, in fact Misha only pushed more, goaded fans into flogging the same dead horse as much as possible. He’s never stopped, not even when there was so much discord in the fandom, a huge wedge was driven into it because of ships, which IMO he heavily contributed to.

Fast forward to over a decade later (a decade, seriously man, let it fucking go!) he didn’t even stop when Destiel did partially go canon. I have never doubted that Cas loved Dean (Sam, too) because in SPN lore angels are made to love, even rebellious ones. I, along with many others, liked that about Cas because who doesn't love a rebel, especially one rebelling for very good reasons, and because of those two wonderful men? Sam and Dean allowed him to see beyond what he'd been brainwashed to believe his entire existence. The fact is that although the nature of that love changed for Cas, it never did for Dean and was CANONICALLY UNREQUITED because Dean was incapable of loving anyone else as much as he loved Sam. All that mattered to Dean, even when he saw other characters as "family" was still Sam…ALWAYS Sam, every step of the way. Again for those who have too much Misha shaped wax in their ears, that’s canon. Whether people choose to see that love platonically or romantically is up to them, soulmates don't always have to be romantic, either way, brotherly love won out above all else on the show. No amount of Misha screaming ‘hey look, Destiel!’ changed that, but it sure didn’t stop him trying, did it?

So now that the obvious has been stated, here's something else we all know - never once in all of the years on the show did Misha drop rallying of the troops to his precious, ego stroking ship. Never once (that I am aware of) has he called out his Minions and Hellers on their continued harassment of everyone involved in the show and other fans despite the fact that they have bullied, victimised and wished bodily harm, rape and death on people who don't see their ship and because didn't get the ending to the story that they wanted. Not once has Misha shown any remorse for the trauma his "fans" have caused, and I’m taking REAL trauma, here, not the kind Twitter stans see as ‘triggering’ - people have been driven to close SM accounts, attempted, and in some cases succeeded in taking their own lives. These Minions have openly mocked Jared’s struggles with depression and anxiety, and Misha - who claims to be friends with J2 and be supportive of them in every way  - has stood by and let it all play out, knowing full well some of the goings on, if not the full extent of how toxic these people are. We know he sees things being said online, and I have absolutely no doubt he spends time online searching his name for things that are relevant in some way to him in an effort to insert himself into a current conversation, or even start one so that attention is on him. Gotta stay relevant, somehow, right, Mish?

He has actively encouraged bullying by his actions of enabling the behaviours above, both by the flogging of the aforementioned dead horse, AND by not objecting to unacceptable behaviours. Remember when Minions and Hellers were slating J2, particularly Jared, for not posting on SM about BLM and other topics? Yeah, he didn’t ask them to stop doing that, either, even when he was tagged in things along the lines of ‘If Misha can post why can’t J2?’ etc. There have been some token protests, con vids I've seen have show his 'objections' which IMO have been done in a very tongue in cheek way, meaning that those people who needed to be pulled aside and told to change their ways just carried on, because their evil overlord didn’t explicitly explain it in terms a three year old could understand that bullying and forcing your opinion on others is WRONG. Not all of his cult are young and impressionable, not by a long shot, but many of the more vocal and vitriolic ones are.

As a father himself I wonder what Misha would do if he found out that his kids were behaving in ways his Minions are? I’m aware they’re young, but kids are cruel and bullying doesn’t just happen online. Even at whatever age they are, would he laugh it off the way he appears to have done with all of this fandom toxicity? Not bloody likely! I wonder if he’s as desperate to gain the approval of his family, friends and colleagues as he appears to be for that of his Minions/Hellers? I would certainly hope so, but that question can only be answered by Misha, himself, and I can and will not presume to speak on someone else's behalf on things in their personal life. For the record I would never presume I know what J2's answers would be on anything, however I do feel that after 15 years I have an accurate gauge on what kind of people they are so would be confident that any opinion I had on a matter aligns with their morals and ethics. As much as J2 have shared of themselves with us - willingly and under no pressure to do so, I might add - we don't *know* them, but we know enough to have an informed opinion. I can’t say the same for Misha because based on the behaviour he’s repeatedly displayed, things I've heard about from other fans as well as people I know IRL who have had direct dealings with him through cons or GISH (including some very actively in the early days when it was GISHWHES) he just hasn’t seemed like a person I wanted to follow on SM. I’ve never watched any of his solo panels, though I have watched ones with both or one of the J's, mostly being left irritated because of his behaviour. Watching the J’s put up with that shit is painful, and it’s a testament to how good they are as actors that they managed to hide at least some of their disdain for as long as they did. Microexpressions give them away, particularly Jensen, and they certainly have faces I have spent many years watching closely. Beautiful faces to go with beautiful souls, both of them! <3

I have precisely ZERO interest in Destiel as a ship, very little interest in Cas as a character anymore (though I did like him in the early days,and his relationship with Jack in late seasons) so I have absolutely no reason or desire to follow anything Misha does. That said, I've obviously been peripherally aware of some things he's been involved in because of friends, from things I’ve seen on SM and general fandom stuff. Despite the things I've already mentioned about his behaviour, up until now I have been able to maintain a level of respect for him as a person because of the humanitarian and charity work he's done. He seems like someone who really does want to change the world for the better and I am in full support of that fact, so much so that I have supported TWO campaigns relating to him. I bought one of the Super Good t-shirts for the campaign he did with Michael Sheen (a true angel!), the SPN/Good Omens x-over to help homeless charities, and I chose the design with text only and not artwork of Michael and Misha on, basically because I didn’t want to be wearing something with Misha’s face on it and I make absolutely no apology for that, whatsoever. I also bought Alex's #TheEndHasNoEnd shirt, which some of the profits went to Random Acts who do great work, so again, despite not liking Misha I still willingly contributed for a cause bigger than me, and to support Alex, who I absolutely ADORE. I'm aware that Stands aren't popular with some of the fandom, however since most of the cast of SPN are happily affiliated with them then I don't feel it's my place to either judge, or to discuss topics I know next to nothing about. But I digress, as a decent human being I have shown support tangentially to a man who I don't care for out of respect for the work he does outside the fandom. Telling you this isn’t to paint myself in a good light - I don’t need your approval, I’m a big girl, unlike some I don’t need constant validation! - only to provide background on how I’ve actively *not* hated on Misha.

Now though, any respect I had for him has come to an abrupt end, the events of the past 24 hours has seen to that. Whilst I have been annoyed at his behaviour in regards to shipping, I don't feel it's ever gone this far, or at least not that I've seen first hand. This man has, IMO, contributed to so much toxicity in the fandom by way of things I've mentioned before, he's claimed - without actually saying the words - that Wincest fans weren't interested in him as a character when he came onto the show, and hasn’t felt included because of the fans’ love of the brothers. Um, hate to break it to you, love, but when you come onto an established show that is about two people, and you’re a *guest star* you can’t expect everyone to love you. Some characters we as individuals do fall in love with straight away (Bobby, Charlie, Crowley and Rowena are good examples for me), it takes time to establish a dynamic, so if that’s how he felt then it was incredibly naive of him as an actor to expect instant acceptance from anyone. Also, why wait until after the show finished to bring it up AGAIN … oh wait, yeah, that would be to step back into the limelight in a way intended to garner sympathy from Minions and INTENTIONALLY piss off bro fans and Wincest shippers alike? How fucking self centred, desperate and disrespectful do you have to be to shit all over the finale of a show that for the most part accepted you and kept you in paid work for 12 years? Well, Misha Collins levels of all of those things, obviously.  

So, on the topics of self centred, desperate to stay relevant, attention seeking and being oh so needy, the tweet yesterday from Amazon mentioned Castiel. He wasn’t tagged in it, so I refer to my earlier comment about searching online, because how else would he have possibly seen that? It’s possible someone sent it to him, I appreciate that, but if we go off past behaviour it’s not any stretch at all to believe that didn’t happen. So, once again, having seen the tweet he took it upon himself to - oh so predictably - turn it into something relating to Destiel. When I saw it I immediately rolled my eyes and thought ‘here we go again’, but then also had a little smile because I really liked the fact that he explicitly mentioned Wincest, therefore seeming to accept that his poor old dead horse wasn’t the only one in the race. I actually mentally tipped my hat to him then because it appeared that he’s matured enough to acknowledge by name the ship that predates his inclusion on the show. Great, I thought, this is a positive thing in a sea of negativity surrounding the man and his sunken ship, because what followed was Wincest trending in the US (it may also have been other countries as well but I had to sleep!) … largely due to the fact that Hellers were responding to it, calling him out on mentioning the dreaded ‘W’ word. I’ll repeat that because it’s been a rare occurrence up to that point… the Minions were actually disappointed with their overlord for mentioning another ship. We all know what they think of it and I for one, don’t give a flying fuck about their opionion. Ship and let ship, it’s all fun (or meant to be) so we have different tastes, that’s life kiddiwinks, deal with it. I mean, you really don’t have much of an example set for you when your king has proven several times over to be one of the biggest obnoxious brats out there, but just give it a try for your own sakes, yeah? Awesome, good on you, besties!

An unexpected development - to my joy and that of other Wincest shippers - them doing that got the topic trending, only *kept* trending by the fact that were all coming online asking why it was trending. Wincest shippers barely lifted a finger, we just flooded each other’s timelines with lovely content and basked in the Hellers - and Misha - shooting themselves in the foot, which was awesome. But did the vitriol stop? No. Did he get the attention he so clearly craves? Yes. Was it in the way he wanted? Fuck no, so poor, emotionally wounded baby backtracked after seeing that his name was trending alongside Wincest because that’s *so* not what someone narcissistic to do it in the first place, wanted.

Now here’s where I could easily have just moved on with an unusually fond chuckle, giving him an ironic pat on the back and a ‘thanks, Misha’ for being the one to instigate hours of fun, but once again his despicable behaviour made that impossible. It’s been more than obvious for many years that he cares more about what his fans think than anything else to do with the show and the fandom in a larger sense, but to delete the tweet and APOLOGISE for daring to be so insensitive to the snowflakes’ delicate sensibilities for mentioning Wincest in the first place was absolutely disgusting. Stating , “I used a term that I had never really given any thought to other than, "that's a thing?! Yuck." is not only complete and utter bullshit, it’s pandering of the highest order.  

We all know he has referred to Wincest on multiple occasions, so to say he hadn’t thought about is a flat out lie, which IMO is an insult to everyone, not just Wincest shippers. Does the man have no self respect at all, why would you contradict yourself in the face of such overwhelming evidence? Instead of either ignoring all the people calling him out, or addressing it with another tweet saying ‘yeah, that happened’ or something similar he chose, I repeat, CHOSE the route of claiming he didn’t realise he was being offensive to people who felt ‘triggered’ by him using the word Wincest. He basically shat all over an entire ship and large sector of the fandom in an attempt to appease his own fan base which consists of a lot of children (or those that act like children) who have no idea what RL is like.

Once again, he’s reinforced the idea that if you shout loud enough at someone just because you don’t like something they said, they will back down and apologise for something even when there’s nothing to apologise for. If he wants to be such a role model then he could easily have pointed out that a fictional ship doesn’t condone RL incest, any ACTUAL trauma people have suffered because of RL situations, and made an effort to make sure people understand that. He COULD have used it as an opportunity to do some good in the fandom by encouraging people to build bridges, to accept that people are entitled to their beliefs and that sometimes we see things differently but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t treat others with BASIC HUMAN DECENCY because of it. Instead he YET AGAIN chose to show that he cares more about what Minions think of him, keeping them onside to constantly stroke his unbelievably fragile ego in everything he does.

It is my understanding that Misha is big on (or claims to be big on) putting positive energy out into the world, treating people with respect, helping others and accepting people for who they are, not who you want them to be… all this after YEARS of consistently practising what he preaches only when it suits him. He sends out a message that it’s perfectly OK to bully, to spread hate, to draw attention to yourself at the cost of others, to throw colleagues and friends under the bus and at the same time use them to further your own agenda and get hits for your YouTube channel. Is this really the legacy he wants to leave? Is this an environment he wants his own kids to grow up in as well as future generations? Is this what he thinks is a valuable contribution as a human being? JFC, the arrogance, hypocrisy and the need for constant validation this man exhibits is nothing short of cringeworthy… actually it’s beyond that. It’s deplorable behaviour, it’s not new, and he will continue to act like this for as long as he’s being enabled and this harmful cycle needs to end.

I have friends IRL and online who are (now, possibly, were) big Misha fans, who have supported him from either the beginning of his run on the show, or since they started watching, and this is how he repays this behaviour? He’s willfully alienating decent people (including multishippers) all to make himself look good by being seen to do everything he can not to offend people. Spoiler alert, you DID offend people, you continue to do so time and again and we’ve had enough. I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be to be such a perpetual people pleaser, but let me say it’s not doing you any favours in any way, shape or form.

Misha, you are *not* a role model, you’re *not* someone to look up to when you can't live up to the ideals you preach. You’re spitting in the face of people who have supported you even after some questionable things in the past, who gave you the benefit of the doubt because we’re all human and we all make mistakes. The key to growing as a person is not to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, understanding *why* what you said and/or did was a mistake and making a concerted effort to make changes. I don’t ever see you doing that, you will continue down this path of only caring about Minions under the guise of caring for people in general. You are transparent, you are sad and despite the fact I’ve never particularly liked you, I didn’t speak up because I didn’t want to get involved in the drama. Well now I have spoken up and I’m saying you’re a disgrace, you have no respect for other people and nobody is fooled anymore. If it hadn’t been this tweet it would have been something else, but I for one am glad it happened so soon after the show ended so we can finally be rid of the limpet-like behaviour. It’s over, let it go for the sake of what dignity you might have left, for the sake of your family and friends and for the sake of anyone who isn’t capable of seeing through your ‘it’s a joke’ mentality.

You have been weighed, you have been measured and you have been found wanting. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Misha.

For anyone who made it to the end of my ramble, thank you. This has been a cathartic exercise and I’m drawing a line under it now, I don’t think I could possibly make my thoughts any clearer. I urge you not to get caught up in any petty squabbles with his Minions, let’s celebrate J2 and other cast and crew members who have shown us all respect and who I am proud to call part of the SPN family. There’s always one member of the family who needs to be frozen out for the good of everyone else.

[queernuck]

The Cleveland Browns made the playoffs. The Islanders made the Eastern Conference Finals.

And that’s enough for me.

So long, so long I have been living like this, pretending that I want to keep on living, that life feels worthwhile, that I don’t want to kill myself. Suicide is for cowards but ive been chickening out for a whole decade, to the point where getting on the subway was itself something that involved convincing myself not to jump in front of it. I remember once while working in the city, I watched and waited as two trains came in and left, trying to get the energy to jump in front of them. I had decided, if I couldn’t do it by the time a second train came and went, I would go to work and save it for another day. I came very close, my legs tense like a linebacker on 4th & Goal, but I didn’t do it. Maybe it would be better if I had, I would have saved not only myself but a lot of other people a lot of pain and suffering. I’ve been dealing with feeling suicidal for a decade, an entire ten years, and made it through. And for what? I lost a retail job at minimum wage, I’ve seen the Giants go from two-time Super Bowl kingslayers to a team that relied on the Eagles for a playoff berth, I got to see Evangelion only for the final Rebuild film to be infinitely delayed, I have a useless non-degree that allows me to eloquently describe how the Democrats and Republicans alike are driving this stolen land to Fascism while sycophants tell me Vote Blue No Matter Who. I’m so tired, I’m not even the person people think me to be, since if I were, I wouldn’t be in this mess.

My paychecks, as hard-earned as they were, never seemed to be mine in any real sense, and it made me so frustrated that something in me broke at the beginning of this year. I made some mistakes, some very stupid ones, and got myself fired. I took money from and distorted the inventory of my store to get what amounted to pocket money, less than two paychecks. I was tempted because I feel so powerless, so much like nothing I could ever say or do matters, and so I decided to lash out against a place that mattered to me, against people I cared about deeply. Chain stores, corporations, all of those things are not really high on my list of things to care about. Barnes & Noble pushed out local booksellers years ago, an irony not lost on me whenever our own competition with Amazon was made apparent. We were reaping what we had sown. But what always interested on top of this irony was how symbolic these things could be to people, how much we figured into so may memories for so many. The Manga Aisle at Barnes & Noble is a staple of 2006 scene culture, a way that kids without the pocket money to afford the newest volume of Bleach it Naruto could keep up before scams became widely available. How the store was a place where people studying for standardized tests could use the test prep guides to try and get ready for the eugenic ritual of the standardized test. And just how much a chain bookstore became a substitute, socially, for the now-absent local bookstore. We bear the guilt for that, but at the same time we were still selling books, giving people a place to get coffee and sit and read and talk, in ways that libraries may not be able to. We certainly can never replace a library, given just what a library does for people. But we did do a lot of good all the same. Before it closed, some of my fondest memories came when I was the exact sort of annoying teenage customer I grew to hate, hanging out at the Columbus Circle Borders. Working at Barnes & Noble was tiring, dehumanizing, difficult, made me feel like I would never measure up to the authors we sold, the people books were written about, that I was a failure. And I am, as my death shows. But it also made me a part of something I was proud of. And that Above & Beyond pin I earned is in my jacket still, a reminder of something.

That something was shown in so many of the coworkers I had, who were incredible in so many ways. I feel awful for what I did, I genuinely do, because of how it may have hurt people who thought so kindly of me, people who deserve so much good. I wish I had the ability to address each of them individually but this decision was hastily made, and i have a feeling it will show in the things I miss in this note. Audra, your help in finding me a way to use the company policies to my advantage as a worker was something that gave me faith even after having seen the despicable firings and cuts the company went through. Linda, I can’t quite square the circle here given my actions, but I want to say your disappointment broke my heart and that while I will not be the one who shows it, your reassurance that everyone makes mistakes was welcome.

To my (former) fellow booksellers at Store 2216, all of my love and my sincerest apologies. You all have so much good in you, your willingness to listen to my ADHD-fueled rants and to discuss so many things with an incredible frankness was always impressive, in addition to part of what I loved about all of you. I want you all to be happy, and the kinship I felt with you was a vital part of what kept me going. It was tough, as you all know. But at times, it almost felt worth it.

The same is true of my CTY friends: it was a weird, magical place that frankly, a lot of us idealized for far too long and which sk many of us eventually outgrew without being able to let go of. And that was tough, that was something we had a great deal of difficulty understanding, that what helped us once was not always going to be helping us, was not always what we needed. But in eventually finding that, we found solace, we realized how life as a whole functions and just what it is that we can take from places like it.

To my other family, my Cleo family, I know I haven’t been terribly active lately, but I can never, ever thank you enough for the belonging you gave me. I have never felt anywhere as welcoming as Cleo. As warm as Cleo (even as we struggled to pay for the oil bill) was. As kind and understanding. As tolerant. As questioning and inquisitive into what that tolerance meant to us. I am thankful, eternally, for what you all did for me. The incredible experiences I had as a Cleo make me proud of what the organization can represent, and one of my dying wishes is that the organization continues to reach out to marginalized communities on Trinity’s campus. There is much work to be done in making sure abusers cannot hide in our family, but I trust you all to do that work. Tucker Carlson is a Trinity grad and we must embody the opposite of what he stands for, no matter how difficult it may be. I could go on about how this means opposing liberals and Liberalism/Neo—Liberalism due to the truth of tolerance resulting in a Popper-esque Paradox of Tolerance that implies Popper is a worthwhile philosopher, but that’s another issue.

To my friends on that Blue Hellsite, tumblr, you made a continual presence worth it, even with all of the bullshit this place brings. It’s the reason I read so much Foucault, Derrida, Deleuze & Guattari, read Žižek against himself, and so on and so on, and the value of that to me can never be overstated. I learned so much from the ways in which I learned to analyze the world, and that in turn became a huge inspiration for why I should try to do what I could to make the world closer to a place of revolution, one where we could perhaps eke out a living for one another. I loved how much I could be an unrepentant nerd and still love hockey on there, and while the

NHL fans on tumblr are incredibly annoying,

I can deal with that compared to the racism of most hockey fans.

Mom, Dad? I just couldn’t live with you any longer. I’m so sorry.

Grandma, I love you.

And the things I leave behind? Donate what can be donated. Hats, please auction, or at least offer to other HatHeads at a reasonable price. I had some nice ones. As for assorted albums, clothing, and other things, sell them and donate to a Harm Reduction organization, or organizations that advocate for PWUD in a radical fashion. WE DESERVE AUTONOMY!

I am a victim of the War on Drugs. Sobriety was always hellish to me, and I could never take it. I want people to be able to live how they want, to see sobriety and being on drugs as equally valuable states, to see the two as no different from one another.

Abolish all gun laws

End the War on Terror

Decriminalize and legalize all drugs, sobriety is what killed me.

I love all of you.

LET’S GO ISLANDERS!

[shivada-jade]

how to be a good friend

characters: childe (the wingman), zhongli ➡ mentions: ningguang warning(s): literally just one swear

read this first: (zhongli's pov)

childe's point of view in helping zhongli get the person of his dreams.

Tartaglia is not one for romance either. He definitely knows of it, but never acted on it. Every person he walks by either fears him because of his Harbinger status, or worships him for the same reason. It's tiring.

You on the other hand, don't fear him, nor worship him. For Tartaglia, you will always be that undeniably attractive person who ran out of mora to pay for Grilled Tiger Fish.

He met you at one of the side vendors at the closed off places in Liyue and he offered to pay for you. You were skeptical at first, but you took on the offer and enjoyed your meal.

Childe remembers that day clearly. When he leaves after paying your food, he walks along the docks of Liyue Harbour, watching ships come and go.

He sits on the edge, letting his boots glide on the water.

The sun casts a glow over The City of Contracts, making the place look heavenly. Clouds dots the sky with pinks and purples. The people on the boats started to unload and head to their own homes.

Home.

That's a foreign word for Tartaglia after spending so much time away from it.

Despite his charming, confident aura, he never felt so unsure in his life. Is it right to work under the Tsarista? Childe wishes to drop his job and flee, exploring with the traveler. He wishes to live in happiness. He wishes to be home. He wishes to be lucky enough to have someone that makes goodbye's so hard.

You settle on the crate next to Childe, observing and trying to figure out why he payed for your food. He does not seem to notice you yet, but you're sure he does, after all, he is a Fatui Harbinger.

You clear your throat, taking out a small box laced with ribbon from your bag.

Blue eyes look at you, so somber and bleak.

Wordlessly, you get off the crate and drop off the box next to him and take your leave.

Childe looks at you, then to the box in confusion. His fingers weave through the ribbon, untangling it to open the box. He sets the ribbon aside and opens the box.

Mora gleams inside and shines a bit brighter from the sunset. A note stuck on one coin, making him laugh quietly.

To the hottie with the most mesmerizing eyes (you look dead in the inside),

I present to you, a haiku.

Thanks for the mora I am not a broke bitch, 'kay Have your money back

xoxo,

Richer than Ningguang

...

He always sees you by the same vendor at the same time, and every time he sees you, he pays for your food. He would hide in many places in Liyue like alleyways, under bridges, and even on roofs, but you would always find a way to give the money back to him.

Soon, he finds himself talking to you on one of the roof tops and pouring out his emotions. You stay silent, just listening under the sunset.

The next time you meet, he apologizes for dropping his rants to you, but you smile and hug him, telling him it's alright.

Home.

He feels at home in your arms. In his mind, he lists many things that make him feel at home with you: your smile, your playful banters, the warmth that you make him feel.

He feels at home when you're around, but so does someone else.

He looks at Zhongli giving the same admiration to you. Wind chimes play music against each other, contradicting the pain in his chest. The world around him seems so happy when he couldn't, but nonetheless, he continues to smile.

"So, you're interested in [Name?]" Childe says with a carefree attitude, accepting the fact he will never have a chance with you. Especially with Zhongli around.

Tartaglia records how the tip of Zhongli's ears turn red when he says your name. He notes how Zhongli's speeches turn a tad bit disoriented when he's around you, like he's excited to say everything about anything.

Maybe it was a mistake inviting his two closest friends in Liyue to meet.

Zhongli is everything Childe is not. Zhongli has time to love, he has time to spend time with you in the future. Zhongli won't put you in danger, unlike Childe who fears on putting you in danger because of his Harbinger status, so he set you two up.

...

Tartaglia never thought of himself to be a romantic, but when you came he imagined all these things he would like to do with you.

A nerd date, is what he wrote down on the scroll. He wanted to take you to beaches to show you his excitement on marine life. He wanted to explore so much with you.

He wanted to show you the animals and make shell necklaces with you.

60 little ideas he pitched in a scroll. 60 little ideas he wanted to do with you, but instead gave those ideas to Zhongli, hastily writing a title to make it look like a romance guide, because he knows Zhongli suits you much better.

...

The last day you saw him, was the same day he wrote Zhongli's love letter to you. He knows this is his only chance to say anything, but how can he when you suddenly tell him how smitten you are with Zhongli. That is when he knows it's time to let go.

Writing Zhongli's letter is easy enough when Zhongli describes what he loves about you, because everything that Zhongli lists, is what Childe loves too. He loves that stupid humour of yours when no one can understand the joke; he loves your voice when you speak to him; he loves the warmth you give when he's around you; he loves your musings on the world; he loves it all.

...

To Richer than Ningguang,

Here's my haiku. It's better than yours.

Happiness is first Make sure that nerd treats you well Five syllables here

Your friend,

Childe (who looks dead in the inside)

With one look at you and Zhongli's silhouettes dancing in your living room without music, he knows he did the right choice.

To you, the most he will be is a good friend, but to him, you're his home.

You are his love.

He folds the haiku in a thin square and slips it under your doorstep. A bag of mora is placed behind a plant and he smiles with traces or tear stains on his cheeks, boarding the docks to Snezhnaya.

How lucky is he to have something that makes goodbye so hard.

note: “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)