holy shit guys they're here and i have never had fewer regrets
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oi bitch, i dig ur laces on your the shoes your the digs the shoes on laces dig your the dog shoe laces?
thanks! I stole them from the president and from the president’s dogs and shoes
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i've been on tumblr for less than six months, but i feel like i've been here for years. for years, most of my social media consumption was just screenshots of tumblr posts on other platforms (especially pinterest lmao) because there was no way to be part of fandoms without tumblr posts. having a tumblr now feels like i'm finally allowed to sit with the cool kids that i've been watching through a window for 10 years. so like, i'm new, but i'm also fluent in everything that has happened on tumblr for a decade
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Since I’m essentially new to tumblr I am researching Tumblr lore. Can the ancients please pass down some knowledge onto me.
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So, which one of you got caught?
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it is ridiculous how expensive shoelaces are in the tumblr store looks like I'm gonna have to steal them. who should i steal them from
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DEADASS GOT TOLD THAT SOMEONE LIKED MY SHOELACES IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2023. I RESPONDED CORRECTLY AND WE BOTH FOLDED IN ON OURSELVES FROM CRINGE AND I WAS LATE TO CLASS BECAUSE I SPENT SO LONG TALKING TO THIS GUY LMAO.
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TUMBLR TEST: I like your shoelaces :)
thanksss i stole them from the president !!! :)
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TUMBLR TEST: I like your shoelaces :)
Thanks, I stole them from the president B)
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Eeby Deeby goncharov 1973 polls horse plinko vanilla extract glup shitto Suez canal superwholock superhell five nights at dokidoki cuptale bug race sexyman blorbo ao3 down November 5th destielputinelection twitter downfall where'd you get your shoelaces verification summon crabs colour of the sky children's hospital colour theory the ides of march
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I don't fear you, i like your shoelaces
thank you, I did steal them from the president
so therefore you should fear me :(
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So…
It turns out I, too, am not immune to capitalism when in-jokes are on the line
but listen to me.
if single one of you
motherfuckers
sees me out in public with these glorious laces, we will speak the Sacred Ritual and go our separate ways. no other words will be exchanged.
(this has nothing to do with cringe, I just want everyone in my life to think my queer disabled ass has found herself involved in some presidential conspiracy exclusively with other visibly queer individuals. thank you for assisting me in this mission.)
[Image ID in alt text]
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"Hey, I like your shoelaces"
"Thanks! I stole them from the president"
"What? How'd you do that?"
"Well, I just walked into the White House with a suit on; no one batted an eye"
"Then you stole the president's shoelaces?"
"Yeah"
"What if you get arrested or something?"
"HA I won't get arrested for stealing shoelaces!"
"YEAH, but they're no ordinary shoelaces; they're the PRESIDENT'S SHOLACES. I'm like 90% sure he has some kind of special task force for this kind of thing"
"You're crazy dude; anyway, I'm going home"
*at home a few minutes later*
FBI OPEN UP
"There they are! Neutralize the target: GO GO GO!"
"What's going on?"
"You're under arrest"
"What!? Why?"
"Don't tell me you don't know! You stole the president's shoelaces that's why!"
"You're arresting me for that!?"
"Yes, it's a very serious matter."
"Wha- please don't arrest me; I'm sorry. I'll even buy the president new shoelaces!"
"You've stolen the president's FAVORITE shoelaces. That's a crime that can't go unpunished."
*(silence)*
"What will you do to me?"
"Oh, you don't want to know."
*gets sent to test a new website*
first Tumblr user origin story
lmao
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Why I love this hellsite:
1.) No Twitterpoos
2.) I like everyone's shoelaces
3.) Everyone here mass-hallucinating Goncharov 1973 together
4.) Everyone's a train wreck
5.) Actual 'comedy' and 'freedom of speech' allowed
6.) This is a hellsite.
7.) Most of you have probably stopped reading by now.
8.) No one noticed the presence of fullstops now.
9.) If you've made it this far, congratulations! Here's some biology for you.
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