#that being said the trans guy kim reading is THere and i Enjoy it too

[justprettyqueer]

jimmy and kim just have such t4t energy. why is there not more Thoughts to be read about that. i cannot be alone. i know im not alone. but what i need is long readings of the show canons from a trans perspective okay.

anyways i think they can be trans in any combination but my favourite is kim trans woman (stealth) and jimmy trans woman (egg then closeted but like out w kim) ( i cannot be the only one who sees this pls)

[mirekat]

From the Trans Archive: Just Some Guy in 1950s England

In the spirit of creating some cheerful distraction for @little-brisk​, I thought I’d share my favorite bit from the chapter I’ve been writing this week: a glimpse into the refreshingly un-tragic life of trans tabloid personality Kim Harford.

         Sweater vest and two tone tie: a timeless transmasc look

Now I say tabloid personality, but what I love about Kim is that he’s basically just some guy. He wasn’t ‘the first trans’ anything. He wasn’t a celebrity. He didn’t do any noteworthy crimes. He put in his shifts at the aircraft plant and hung out at the pub and picked away at his Great British Novel and would probably have lived and died in total anonymity had he not, in December 1953, tried to emigrate to Australia with the 'friend’ to whom he was still legally married.

Here’s the thing: in 1950s England it was really really difficult to change the sex on your birth certificate. But Kim had managed to get himself reregistered as a man with the Ministry of National Insurance, which meant that he would have been able to work and draw benefits and access healthcare without anyone knowing his trans history. And because this was the legal ID that mattered most in his day-to-day life (and because he was still living with and at least besties with his husband Paddy) neither he nor Paddy apparently bothered to check to see if their marriage was valid until somebody at Australia House took a look at their visas and was like what the fuck, it is 1953, gay marriage is not a thing.  

Paddy: ‘We shall be friends, perhaps deeper than brothers, all our lives’

Anyway, someone at the Sunday Pictorial got a tip about the two guys’ visa issues and bought an exclusive off them, which promptly turned into interviews at a dozen-odd local Australian papers. And in some ways the coverage is exactly as gross as you’d expect for 1950s.

But reading this stuff ‘against the grain’, as we say in the trade, gives us a snapshot of a trans life that’s almost moving in its banality. His husband misgenders him when referring to him in the past, sure, but uses he/him in the present and seems pretty staunch in his support. The news stories themselves are sensationalist and sexist but are also mostly free of moral condemnation and focused on cosy domestic detail. Like here’s a fairly representative lede:

[Kim] got up from an armchair, knocked out a pipe, threw a jacket over well-muscled shoulders, and said, “Well, time for a pint, Paddy! Gosh, I’m thirsty.” They grinned with warm companionship and set off down the road--sharing what is perhaps the greatest personal dilemma in Britain to-day.’                                                                                    --Sunday Mail (Brisbane), 20 December 1953

It’s kind of refreshing, even as someone who’s been elbow-deep in these docs for three years, to hear about a trans person 70 years ago cracking open a cold one with the boys. This is a person. He banters with the lads and wears silly sweater vests and shows off his new T muscles for the camera. He is a human person. 

   Whomst among us who has been on T has not taken this picture?

What’s more--and this was the most exciting find in my camera roll this week!!! breaking news!!!--I turned up his actual reregistration documents and he seems to have had decent community support, too. His GP and the welfare officer at his work sent letters to the Ministry of National Insurance testifying to his ‘male outlook’, and the Ministry lawyers, after a bit of back-and forth, responded with a resounding ‘Whatever, dude, just pay your taxes.’  

                           ‘Whatever, dude, just pay your taxes’

Anyway. Look, there’s obviously a lot to say here about what kind of trans person was most likely to enjoy this kind of community support. This is a white man. He has access to HRT and is no longer, apparently, read as trans. He doesn’t have a disability that we know about. He’s working-class but has a steady semi-skilled job; he’s married to a man and seems probably bi but presents himself as straight for the papers. I read a hell of a lot of stories about English trans people in the 1950s and a hell of a lot of those stories, especially when they’re about anyone who isn’t a white man, don’t have happy endings.

And technically we don’t know how Kim’s story ends. He drops off the archival record in late 1954 with the immigration issue unresolved. The last we hear of him, Kim and Paddy and Paddy’s new girlfriend--and according to at least one paper Kim’s new girlfriend, too--are still planning to move to Australia, now as a bigger, more complicated menage. I’ve poked around the arrival records there but haven’t managed to figure out if they made it. 

Kim & Paddy ‘gay married and possibly polyam in a God-honoring way’ Harford-O’Lynam

I like to think that they did. And I like to think of this story when I’m deep in those more familiar depressing trans stories. Yes being trans in the 1950s could look like alienation and prejudice and physical danger but sometimes it could also look like this: just some guy, and his husband, and his husband’s girlfriend with her arms around them both, and all of them, despite everything, smiling.

                                                         *  *  *

If anyone’s interested, TROVE, the National Library of Australia’s digital repository, has some of the articles here  (cw for transphobic language and misgendering and sexism, obviously)

Photo credits: (top to bottom) Sunday Mail [Brisbane];  Sunday Mail [Brisbane]; Singapore Standard; personal photo; The Sun [Sydney]

[jahe]

Addio, cuore mio. [Missing Scene]

Note:

1. I can’t write professionally or beautifully.

2. My english is suck but it is strange that I can’t write in my native language any better. So pardon my english.

3. Not beta-ed, so it as mess as my brain.

4. The italian words, I use google trans so excuse me for inaccuracy.

5. Enjoy reading? lol;;;

6. C&Cs are welcome :)

***

It doesn’t take a day for detectives to come to hospital to questioned her everything regarding the night of her and Hanseo’s abduction which resulting Hanseo’s death. She answers in accordance that Jang Hanseok was the one abduct them both and shot his brother and attempted to shot Mr. Cassano, which she took the bullet for.

“Where is Mr. Cassano?” Detective Kang asks her.

“I don’t know, he was here last night and that was the last time I saw him.” She answers without bothering herself to look at to them.

“Did he told you anything before he left?”

“Nothing at all.”

“Will he be at his place?” the other detective who introduced himself as Detective Ma asks more.

“I am not sure,” Chayoung now turns her head to the detectives, felt a little bit nervous, she gulps. “I have told you everything about the accident, why you still need him?”

“He is a witness, we still need his statement for cross checking our investigation regarding Jang Hanseok.”

“Ah yes,” Chayoung takes breath slowly, not really have an energy to stop both of the detectives to come over to his place as she believe he has a plan. He surely going to do something and she doesn’t want the police caught him, but she can’t do anything in this state. She glanced over Mr. Nam that tried to not talk too much, he glanced back to her and nod as if he understand what she meant.

“Thanks for your cooperation, I hope your speed recovery, Miss Hong.”

When both walk away from Chayoung’s room, Mr. Nam takes his phone fast and typed a message in the group chat.

𝙸𝚏 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚖𝚎𝚝 𝚅𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚣𝚘 𝚋𝚢𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚖, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚜 𝚜𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚑𝚒𝚖. 𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚖𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝, 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙿𝚕𝚊𝚣𝚊.

***

Luckily the detectives came not long after Vincenzo drove away from the Plaza. Though the tenants couldn’t stop them from going upstair to check on Jipuragi office, but luckily they have alerted Mr. Ahn and he locked the door from inside and hide.

“How come anyone inside when the Jipuragi boss is still treated in hospital,” said Ms. Kwak when the detectives asked if they saw Vincenzo.

“Also we haven’t see him since morning!” says Mr. Tak.

“Just let me know if you see him later,” says Detective Kang. Both of them nodded and the detectives then walked away.

“As if we gonna tell them,” Ms. Kwak whispers to Mr. Tak.

***

Chayoung sighs in relief when they got update from the tenants. So, Vincenzo was back at the Plaza this morning and apparently Mr. Ahn is doing something for him. It doesn’t need much guessing that he is trying to catch Jang Hanseok, the thing she doesn’t know is how and what will he do if he caught him. The first thing that crossed her mind is he definitely kill Hanseok. 

She let a nervous sigh.

Killing is not her concept, it’s Vincenzo’s. She used to thought about killing her dad killer back at his funeral but she realized she never ready; she was utterly shocked when she watch Hwang Gyu blasted away from the bomb Vincenzo installed on him. She never against it though, she isn’t a saint, even more after knowing Ms. Oh was killed, stopping him from taking revenge and kill them is useless. If anything she wants Hanseok and Myeonghee dead too.

It just.. It worries her to death if somehow he is the one that being killed.

***

Han Seunghyuk is dead. She has expected it but it is quite too soon.

… 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧...

“Jang Hanseok must’ve hired some men as his mercenaries.” Chayoung remarks.

“Vincenzo byeonhosanim… can’t be in danger,” Mr. Nam mutters.

“Mr. Nam,” she called, “Vincenzo Cassano is never in danger.” Chayoung assures her worried paralegal when in fact she is really worried from the bottom of her heart.

***

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙿𝚘𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚊𝚗 𝙰𝙿𝙱 𝚘𝚗 𝚅𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚣𝚘 𝙲𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚘 (𝟹𝟼, 𝙺𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝙸𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚗) 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊𝚋𝚍𝚞𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝙰𝚝𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚢 𝙲𝚑𝚘𝚒. 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙿𝚘𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝙹𝚊𝚗𝚐 𝙷𝚊𝚗𝚜𝚎𝚘𝚔.

𝚅𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚣𝚘 𝙲𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚘? 𝙸𝚜𝚗’𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚗 𝚕𝚊𝚠𝚢𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚢𝚎𝚛 𝙷𝚘𝚗𝚐?

It feels like all blood drained from her body when she read that from the lawyer association group chat. Her phone pinging a lot but she doesn’t bother to check. All her worries getting bigger right now.

He got Myeonghee. The police are on him. Did he finished her already? The police are on him. Will he able to get Hanseok? The police are on him. Will he able to flee?

And suddenly the urge to meet him rises. Will she able to meet him for the last time?

She then scrolls her contact fast and punches the dial pad.

“Miri, can you come over here right now? Bring your devices and also, go to Jipuragi and take two bottles of Bian water under my desk.”

***

“What do you want me to do, Eonni?” Miri asks after rushing into Chayoung room and her side.

“Can you hack to this hospital system?” Chayoung asks.

“Depends. What for?”

Chayoung bows her head down, she bites her lips. “It just a preventive if the police are keeping an eye of me,” she says. “I want to go out,” she adds, facing Miri that looks like finally understand what she means.

“I’ll try,” Miri assures. “What is your plan?” she asks.

“Put me to radiology in nurse’s schedule tonight,” says Chayoung.

“Let’s see,” Miri prepares her laptop and some hacking devices. “That Bian waters… what purpose it will serve?” Miri asks while busy doing something with her devices.

“That’s for the police, if they decide to sit here monitoring me.” Chayoung smirks.

Miri frowns, “I don’t understand.”

“It could make them passed out,” Chayoung answers in whisper.

“Ah… I see. But what if they don’t want to drink it?” Miri asks while start to typing something on her laptop.

“They will if not then we’ll make them drink it.”

“I am in,” Miri announces she able to go pass through hospital server system. “So just put your name to radiology appointment this night? Should I put your name to radiology’s schedule too?”

“Yes. Just in case.”

“Okay, done!” Miri claps her hand.

“Thank you, my beloved.”

***

As Chayoung expects, two detectives guy come over to her room.

“Excuse me, Miss, but we must keep an eye here,” says the one who introduced himself as Detective Jo.

“Isn’t that useless?” says Chayoung, “I am just his working partner, why he would come here?”

“It is for precaution, Miss,” says the other one called Detective Kim.

Chayoung chuckles, “I am not sure how you guys think, but really? Why would he come here if he is a wanted man? Moreover while abducting someone. You police aren’t that smart, eh?”

“That’s why it is called precaution, Miss Hong.” Detective Kim emphasizes his wording.

“Wasting resource like always.” Chayoung remarks sarcastically.

“Anyway!” Mr. Nam interrupts, “Hong byeonhosanim should rest so if you may you can wait outside.” He then shoves Bian bottle to both of them. “Drink that if you guys thirsty,” he pushes both of detectives outside and close the door.

***

It doesn’t take both detectives to linger longer, as they look like they got new update from the other detectives and they should go as a back up.

Mr. Nam peeking from inside and checking on the condition after they both gone. Thankfully they haven’t touch the water. It would be disaster if they drank it and gone driving. Mr. Nam lets a relieved sigh.

“They are gone,” he says not long before his phone ringing. It is Larry.

Chayoung stares from her bed as she wait for Mr. Nam on the call.

“Okay…” he says and then put of the call. He walks back to Chayoung’s bed and says, “He escaped safely.”

There is no more Chayoung needs other than that line.

“And he has Chairman Jang with him,” Mr. Nam adds.

“Things will finally come to an end,” she smiles and Mr. Nam nods. But then there is quite ominous feeling with the muted pause.

“But, byeonhosanim…” Mr. Nam finally speaks, “Mr. Lee is…” and he starts sobbing.

Chayoung rises, “What about him?” she asks, a flood of worries come again.

“He… he is..” he sobs harder. Chayoung begins to panic, is he…? Tears rolling down on her cheek.

“He got stabbed on his chest and now is in emergency surgery,” Mr. Nam continues, “they aren’t sure if he will make it or not.”

Chayoung gasps, “No way,” she begins crying.

***

Mr. Nam steps out from the room and checking the situation before runs back to get Chayoung ready. Mr. Ahn supplied them information that he will meet Vincenzo for giving out passport and stuffs, it will be the last time he is in Korea, so they should hurry if they want to send him off.

Mr. Nam pushes her wheelchair and calmly walks pass through the nurse desk.

“Wait,” one nurse stops them. “Miss Hong?” she asks.

“Yes,” she answers.

“What are you doing?”

“We have a radiology appointment,” she says.

“Wait, let me check.”

Mr. Nam and Chayoung wait nervously.

“Oh, right. Okay, you can go.”

They both sigh in relieve and Mr. Nam pushes the wheelchair a bit faster while saying sorry because Chayoung looks like she gonna puke.

***

The road to the meeting point seems longer for Chayoung but lucky the traffic is not that worst. Her heart beats so hard and she thinks what should she say to Vincenzo, will she cry? No, she shouldn’t.

She gets a message in the middle of the road, it is from Dallae Omma.

𝙳𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚎 𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚊 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑. 𝙷𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎, 𝚠𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚊𝚒𝚝 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚞𝚙 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚊𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚊.

Thanks, God.

“Mr. Lee’s surgery is success,” Chayoung announces and there is a very big relief sigh from Mr. Nam.

After a while, they are now in the corner near the meeting point. Mr. Nam then punches the horn to announce them they are arrived, as it looks like the other parties start to walk toward another car.

From her seat she sees Vincenzo, alive and well, then the lump in her heart suddenly gone. When their car stops, she opens the door as fast as she can and she can see him walks then runs toward her.

"You shouldn't move around." He holds both her hands tenderly as if she is a fragile glass.

"I'm okay,” she says as a matter of factly. "Now that I've seen you, I am okay.” And it really does, as if seeing him a bit more she can magically healed. But the reality says opposite. “You should go now,” she continues.

“There will be a lot of headaches for you after I leave,” he says.

"I can handle it." She says, assuring him that she is as strong as he believe. And her answer makes him smiles, the smile that she’ll miss a lot later. He hugs her then, something he’ll never do in the first time, but that doesn’t matter since it will be their last. Ever. He pats her back.

“You did well,” he whispers.

Her small hand caress his back in assurance and gratitude. She silently nods. “Be safe.”

"I'll get going." He says for the last time with a subtle hesitation.

"Hurry." She tells him sternly, more to herself because she can’t keep him standing there while Seoul polices are searching for him.

He then releases her hand and goes to Mr. Nam. He hugs him.

“Thank you for everything,” said Mr. Nam while sobbing hard.

“Goodbye, Mr. Nam.”

Mr. Cho then calls him to hurry. He looks briefly to Chayoung once again before he turns his heel opposite of her and gets in the car. She tries so hard not to cry. When the car goes of sight then she cries.

Addio, cuore mio.

[jj-ktae]

Millennials - Part 7 -

Title: Millennials Genre: Fluff, romance Pairing: Kim Yugyeom x You Summary: Life is made of stages and each of them is a hard push on the back, forcing you to forge ahead. You’re facing your biggest crisis, and then there’s him, who lives from day to day. Of course he does, he is just a kid. Words: 3964 Warning: Small age difference. Yugyeom x Noona Reader.

- Teaser - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - 

- Part 7 -

Yugyeom doesn’t like how down he feels right now. He has been sulking for the whole night even since he came back home and doesn’t seem to know how to deal with it. He had a horrible evening and ran away from his friends, no able to keep his cool anymore.

He barely heard them calling him, didn’t even hear his phone ringing and most certainly couldn’t notice how shaky he was.
 It’s a new feeling.

He feels played with. Like someone actually lied to him and he was too stupid to believe them. He knows he is gullible, he knows he trusts too easily, but he cannot deal with the pain of being hurt by someone who is so dear to him.

Out of everyone, he thought you wouldn’t be able to do that.

And somehow he can’t believe it. He can’t believe you would meet with another guy behind his back. Yugyeom doesn’t think he is jealous and he isn’t. If the guy is just a friend, then it’s fine by him.

This is how he ends up feeling miserable.

Yugyeom doesn’t know how to address the issue. Jinyoung tells him to meet with you and ask for justifications but he knows himself too much to do that. He isn’t the type to get mad and say big words and he will probably chicken out even though he did nothing wrong.

His friends always make fun of him for avoiding conflicts.

Instead, he avoids you at all cost. He doesn’t answer your texts and ignores the phone calls. The device doesn’t show your name often though and Yugyeom feels even more depressed.

It’s like you don’t care that he is ignoring you.

Yugyeom even ditches work, coming up with a shitty excuse about exams who aren’t going to happen. Speaking of which, he fails big time while trying to come up with a choreography and end up being yelled at by one of his senior for being so uninspired.

Great. Life is great.

At the same time, he wants to know what you’re doing. Was that guy someone important? Are you enjoying life with that not so handsome jerk? No, he should stop caring. You played with him and he will move on.

But he always ends up groaning, his motive vanishing like dust when he thinks about how deep his feelings are.

He hates himself.

--

You don’t know how you end up without any news from Yugyeom. The latter seems to be rather busy because he doesn’t even answer your texts. Maybe you shouldn’t push it. Maybe Yugyeom hates clingy girls.

Still, you’re getting curious. Maybe he is sick? What if he hurt himself while dancing?

You had planned for a date at your place. You wanted to get to know him better and do something chill where you could have exchanged a bit more.

At least that’s what Naya’s co-worker had told you to do.

He had been full of advices and very understanding of your inner conflict, he who is also dating a younger person. It made you feel better to know that your feelings were natural.

“Oh wait, you’ve been to the place where he practices, right? Go there!” Naya yells over the phone while you’re cooking, one night. “It’s unusual, though. Did you do something wrong?” She is now scolding, her voice turning higher all of a sudden.

You sigh, stopping midway in your vegetable cutting session. “I didn’t do anything. I haven’t seen him in ages.”

“This is the problem. You’ve just started a relationship and it feels like you’re still single. Why are you acting like you don’t like your boyfriend?”

Your head goes down in frustration and you’re glad your friend isn’t next to you, right now. “I do like him! We’ve talked about this already. I agreed to meet with your co-worker because you said he’d help me see things differently and he did but please, give me some time. He isn’t even answering my calls right now.”

It’s annoying. How do you end up being the horrible one when you clearly did nothing? Of course Yugyeom doesn’t deserve this, but you warned him, you told him and even Naya that you were not good enough for a relationship but still, they forced this.

“I told you he didn’t deserve to be put in such misery. Stop putting the blame on me.”

Naya chuckles, her voice dying before she continues. “You’re taking the easy way out. Just fucking try harder; the kid will agree to everything you say, he is freaking in love with you! You can’t offer only this and claim you can’t do better. I think you don’t care about his age. You’re just frightened because he is serious and forcing you to become someone better.”

Damn her and her tendency to read psychological magazines.

“Why are we even talking about this? He probably is too busy and you’re here telling me it’s MY FAULT he isn’t answering my calls.” That girl must be crazy.

“Remember what we told you. That boy is younger but that doesn’t mean his feelings are invalid. Just like my colleague’s girlfriend, he will end up being very hurt if you don’t at least reassure him. You’re not the only one doubting so even though it might have nothing to do with you, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to find out what’s happening. I know you want to so stop being so damn stubborn.”  She cuts the line before you can object and it tears a sigh out of your mouth.

Suddenly you’re not hungry anymore.

The days after that go slowly. You send another message and it stays unanswered. You try calling but it’s another failure. Maybe Naya is right, again. There’s something wrong with Yugyeom. It keeps you up even, thinking about what could have hurt him. There could be many reasons, but nothing comes to you. So, against better judgement, you follow your friend’s advice and aim for the place Yugyeom took you to when he needed to practice.

The walk there is endless and making you feel anxious. You quickly understand it’s the probability of a mad Yugyeom that puts you on a trans. What will you do if he refuses to talk to you and breaks up? You don’t even know if he will be there and you’re already freaking out. Great.

Part of you hopes he is just busy and will hug you and blush like he oh so typically does. Then there’s excitement. Excitement because you missed him, as hard as it is to believe.

So as you open the building’s door, you conclude you really need to feel him against you because it’s been too long.

There are many people there. All of them are young boys, sweaty from head to toe and moving around. You walk past bodies, all of them intimidating as they stare at you.

You peek behind the door, eyes meeting with guys dancing in sync.

Yugyeom is in the front, concentrated yet looking bothered as he seems to be struggling.

“Are you looking for someone?”

You jump when you hear the voice right next to your ear. Your head turns, eyes falling on another guy who tries to peek in hopes to get which one of the boys you’re coming for.

“I’m Yugyeom’s-” wait, how do you introduce yourself? You’re not sure he even spoke about you to anyone. What if he is too embarrassed to talk about his talentless girlfriend? What if you’re not even his girlfriend anymore?

The guy quickly catches up. “Yugyeom’s girlfriend? Please save us all, he’s been a pain in the ass recently. I was about to beat him up for always using the main room to practice. Just take him out of here.”

You blink at him, not getting what the guy means but understanding Yugyeom has been going through hard times.

“Do you know if it’s going to take long?” Your eyes go back to the room where Yugyeom is still busy dancing, his face blank.

The guy smirks, relief painting his tiny face. “He is done-” the guy opens the door before you can protest. “yah, Yugyeom-ah, get out of here, someone is asking for you.”

You freeze behind the guy, head barely tilted to meet Yugyeom’s face, both shocked and confused.

“Hyung, I’m still-” He tries, his voice tiny because everyone is whistling at the revelation of his love-life.

“You’re done. I swear if you don’t leave right now-” He turns around and stops before he starts cursing when he sees your face. “He will be out in a minute. You can wait in the main hall.” His fake smile transforms into an annoyed face when he goes inside the room and he starts chasing the poor Yugyeom.

You walk back and decide to wait. Still as stressed as earlier.

Yugyeom is surprisingly quick you notice, because his sweaty body appears next to you before you can gather your thoughts.

“What are you doing here?” It’s the first time he speaks to you that way. No greetings, no physical contact.

“You haven’t been answering my calls or texts….” You try, conscious enough to preserve the distance between you and him.

Yugyeom nods, aware of that fact yet not explaining anything. It stays that way, both of you ignoring the loud music signalling more rehearsals are probably happening.

After a while, he licks his lips, eyes meeting yours uncertainly. “I don’t understand you.”

“What do you mean?” You subtly shiver, not liking Yugyeom’s tone at all because he sounds so depressed and it visibly hurts you more than you think it would.

“When I say I’m in love with you I al serious. I know you don’t take me seriously, but I wish you wouldn’t play with me. If you don’t want to be with me just say it.” He is calm, scary yet doesn’t even try to act mad.

He looks so damn dejected.

“I don’t get it…” You’re quite lost. You don’t remember saying or doing anything that would make him think you’re playing with him but apparently, you fucked up.

“You don’t have to go as far as lie to me so you can meet with another boy, noona. I’m old enough to understand you don’t feel the same way about me.” Yugyeom adds, eyes now looking at the ground because damn it, it hurts so much to say it so bluntly.

On the other side, you’re completely lost. Meet with another guy…? When did you ever-

Shit. Naya’s colleague. How did he even see you? Naya was there, too…

…But she left for a good thirty minutes for a phone call. Yugyeom probably saw you and thought you were cheating on him.

That explains a lot.

“You were in that bar?” Your mind can only say this much, your brain trying to come up with an explanation before Yugyeom thinks you’re cheating on him for real. “It’s not what you think it is, he is-”

Yugyeom shakes his head. “It’s fine. I understand. I knew it was going too well. I’m not mad at you, noona. I just wish you’d let me know before I get too attached.”

“No, for real, Gyeomie. It’s really not that big of a deal. I was out with Naya and her colleague. He is dating someone younger than him and Naya thought it’d be good if he could share his experience. You probably saw me right when Naya left because her parents called but I wasn’t on a date.” You justify yourself in a hurry, not even mad that he wouldn’t trust you but rather eager to let him know you care about him.

Yugyeom opens his mouth and closes it, disturbed and trying to assimilate your words.

You grab the chance to explain further. “I didn’t tell you because I knew I’d be getting pretty personal and I needed advices. If I told you I was meeting with friends you would have tagged along – and I have nothing against that- but I just- ah, this is messy. I’m sorry, Gyeomie.”

The latter looks up, doing his best not to be bothered by the way you’re calling him. “Advices?” he tries, his voice thicker with confidence as he feels a weight being lifted from his chest.

You nod, slowly. “Because of the way I treat you. I keep on acting like a lunatic bitch and I just, well, I guess I need to chill.”

“Did it work?” Yugyeom speaks fast, surprising you again.

“The advices? Yeah, kinda. There are still things I need to sort but it has to do with me more than you. I hope you believe me because I’d never be able to do this to you. Never.” Yugyeom gives you too much credit. No one will ever be interested in you.

“I believe you, noona.”

You smile at the nickname.

He waits, seems to be thinking, plays with his fingers, before stopping. “Still, I wish you had told me. I wish I was more involved in your life. Not in a way that would make you feel suffocated but…like a real boyfriend.”

You suppress a shiver, the word boyfriend stimulating your heart and penetrating warmth into your stomach.

“I’m sorry I hurt you again. I’ll do my best not to make you feel left out.” You admit, face turning into a pout and hoping he’d sense how honest you’re being.

He shrugs, mumbling about how you didn’t do it on purpose and straightens his back. He is waiting for you to continue.

“If you’re free tonight, we can watch a movie and order something to eat at my place. I mean, if you’re too exhausted that’s fine, too.” You propose, hopeful to the point of turning into a lost puppy unknowingly.

Yugyeom’s heart is about to burst at how soft you are.

“I’m always free for you, noona.”

--

On the way to your flat, you’re both silent. Yugyeom feels like dying because you’re the one who grabbed his hand when he got out earlier, freshly showered. You don’t seem bothered by it either and even your body is close to his. You’re relaxed, like you’re glad he is back in your life and Yugyeom feels like you finally understood his worries.

“What type of movie do you like the most?” You break the silence naturally, feeling shy yet energised by how good things turned out.

You’ll never admit how ecstatic you feel.

“I like lots of genres. Horror is fun, romance is cute, action is entertaining��how about you?”

“I watch horror movies then curse at how stupid I am because I’m all alone at home.” You laugh softly, remembering how you didn’t sleep the last time you watched that Chainsaw Massacre shit.

Yugyeom laughs loudly, finding you horribly cute for finally admitting your weakness and leaving some room for him to act like a boyfriend would.

“Next time, call me so I can protect you, noona.”

His voice dies with embarrassment and cheeks turn burning hot as he comes up with the cheesiest line ever but it doesn’t matter.
 You’re as blushing as he is so it’s definitely worth it.

Once you both arrive, you quickly set up for a comedy. Both of you are too tired to focus on a deep or action scenario and hell no you don’t want to watch something scary.

Also, the mood sure is calling for something simple as you watch Yugyeom, wrapped in your fluffy blanket and waiting for you to bring the flyers so you can pick something to eat.

You let him pick the food while you look for something to watch and it’s peaceful, silent and cosy. You feel warmth as he shares a bit of the blanket with mischievous eyes and shows you the pizza he’d like to eat.
 You don’t feel like eating pizza but you agree, smiling sweetly at how shiny his eyes are.

If Yugyeom wants you to eat dead crickets even, so be it.

You discover his quiet side. He is unmoving, almost scared to even brush against your body in a moment of overconfidence. You let him struggle, quietly amused when his face turns red during a heated scene.

The delivery boy saves you both as you hurry to open the door, hushing a protesting Yugyeom who desperately wants to pay again.

“It’s fine, Gyeomie. There,” You put his pizza on your little wooden table and open your own on your lap, “I can pay from time to time.”

You see him shake his head but soon enough his face transforms into pure bliss as he opens the pizza box.

“Thanks for the meal.” Is the last thing you hear before he starts stuffing his face with food, mumbling about how he needed food after so much dancing.

You finish before he does, feeling full and giving up after a few slices. You forget about the movie and set your eyes on his concentrated face as he eats though, orbs never leaving the screen and mouth greasy.

You wait until he is finished, suppressing a chuckle as you see the way his face becomes a mess of tomato sauce and cheese.

Yugyeom doesn’t notice how fondly you stare at his face. He even almost forgets about the situation because how come this comedy is so sad? Also, the puppy in it is so cute.

He ends up eating the whole pizza, his stomach too full and he finally turns around to thank you again.

But you’re looking at him and he suddenly feels so small.

“Are you okay?” He speaks, obviously surprised by your behaviour but mostly confused.

You chose not to answer, your hand going to his mouth to wipe the food off his face with a napkin. “You’re so clumsy when you eat.”

He freezes. Yugyeom doesn’t know what happens but he feels like throwing up. His insides churn deliciously and his heart starts hammering into his chest. He lives for your attention and can’t express how blessed he feels as you quietly wipe his dirty mouth, whispering about starving kids and stained clothes. Yugyeom lets you do your thing, his hand gripping the soft fabric of the blanket. His whole body is on alert, the proximity enough to make him crave for your lips.

Unconsciously he ends up staring at them, not missing how subtly your tongue peeks out to moist the reddish flesh. Your eyes find his when you’re done, the napkin now stained with what used to paint his beautiful face.

“All clean...” You trail off, hand slowly aiming for your lap but body paralysed by his radiant warmth. You go from his mouth to his eyes, deep and expectant.

You don’t want to escape. As much as you’d naturally let some distance under any other circumstances, you barely move. You stare back, even.

This is when you read it. The uncertainty in Yugyeom’s eyes. He looks like he is dying to get more proximity but is retraining his own body. It’s noticeable, how scared he looks. he experienced disappointment way too much already.

“Noona...” He whispers, eyelids fluttering close. He waits, inhales and relaxes. “Will you let me kiss you...?” His question takes you off-guard. You didn’t expect him to ask so bluntly, considering he doesn’t really need to ask but still, your heart speeds up uncontrollably in front of a needy Yugyeom. His hand reaches for your face to cup your cheek in silence, his lips itchy and face turning scarlet.

“Of course, Gyeomie.”

The answer sends him over the moon and back in a matter of seconds, his body moving before he can process what you just said. In his head it’s a whirlpool of feelings mixed with eagerness as his lips find yours.

You don’t try to move. You don’t even need to, for Yugyeom is making all the work fast, his nerves sending jolts of electricity inside his muscles. You end up pushed against his chest, legs parting until you’re straddling his broad body on your own couch.

He doesn’t let you part from him, his hands pushing you more and more against him as silence surrounds you. Only short sighs seem to ring into your ears, signalling you how much he enjoys the moment.

You answer every kiss, your own hands sliding skilfully into his hair to mess the brown locks playfully. Yugyeom feels your nails against his scalp and cannot help but shudder, his whole existence vanishing into a thousand stars and painting the sky - or at least this is how he feels right now.

He doesn’t know how to deal with the intimacy, doesn’t even believe it’s happening. You’re kissing him back. You’re sitting on is lap. You’re whining whenever he sucks on your lip.

Yugyeom freezes when he comes back on earth, chest against chest and slightly parts before he becomes too clingy.

“I..I..” He starts, glancing around the dim room and finding nothing to hide his eyes from yours. You tilt your head, lips red and swollen your eyes sparkling and not the least bothered by the situation.

You aren’t going to back off and it’s freaking him out.

“Are you okay...?” You whisper, air hurrying out of you as an attempt to hide the growing fear inside your chest.

What if Yugyeom regrets going this far? Of course he would, you can’t possibly think he’d have any type of desire toward such a freaking bitch who hurts him on a regular basis, it’s ridicu-

“I don’t know if...I really want you, noona. I want you and I don’t know if you want me. I want you to want me, too.” He chooses this moment to glance at you with timid eyes, face hot and biting his lips and you get it. You freaking understand.

You love Kim Yugyeom so damn much.

So naturally you don’t keep your mouth shut. This whole thing is too important for the both of you to ruin everything with clumsiness and there’s nothing you could say that would make the situation better than it actually is. You pick to keep quiet, leaning to offer more kisses, embarrassed yet feeling finally lucky for not making anyone run away from you.

And it’s quite the opposite if you ask Yugyeom. His arms hurriedly collect you again as you offer your mouth, body now relaxed and without any intention of rejecting him. He sticks to you even more, not the least annoyed by his growing desire and unfazed by how it shows dangerously against you.

You feel it and you take it surprisingly well. It doesn’t matter how long it has been, it doesn’t matter how rusty you feel, it’s doesn’t freaking matter if you don’t know what to do with yourself.

So you let go, you turn off your brain and focus on your fingertips, brushing the soft and tender skin of Yugyeom’s neck and earning a needy grunt.

It’s the best sound ever.

And indeed, Yugyeom does the same, focusing on instinct as he is now done testing waters. He touches back, body against the couch and legs lazily parted. He even hears you chuckle when his phone starts vibrating in his pocket and he almost tears it off his jeans to throw it in the living room.

You become brave even when Yugyeom start kissing your neck. He almost yelps when he feels your hands on his stomach and retaliates quickly, teeth softly nipping the skin and making you shudder.

You whisper sweetly and this is how he knows he will never have enough of you calling his name.

“I love you so freaking much, noona...”

It’s the last thing you hear before getting lost into his surprisingly skilled being.

[squeezeofthehand]

A (late) Review of Moby-Dick: A Musical Reckoning

I saw Moby-Dick: A Musical Reckoning by Dave Malloy last month, and I can basically divide it into “The Good, The Bad, and the Racist/Queerphobic/Ableist etc”

Some background: As most people who’ve ever spoken to me will know, I have a special interest in Moby-Dick AND Dave Malloy/Rachel Chavkin musicals (I truly believe that Great Comet is one of the best works of all time) and I consider Malloy and Chavkin both to be my biggest heroes and inspirations, at least when it comes to their respective style of writing and directing. That being said, they’re not perfect. I waited for this musical for about two years, and music/set/etc wise it exceeded my expectations, but it also majorly let me down in a lot of ways.

The Good: The cast! The crew! The set! (It was literally The Pequod - like, they got rid of the stage.) The lighting design in particular was really good - thank you, Bradley King. Manik Choksi, Andrew Cristi, and Starr Busby are gods. I do not have a singular bad thing to say about the cast or the design team! Even the stuff that was tacky/campy (i.e. some of the puppets) was tacky/campy in an enjoyable way. And the “fun” parts of the show were REALLY fun - the fact that they invited the audience on stage, the fact that they TRIED to make Moby-Dick more accessible even if they didn’t do it perfectly at times….the music, when not problematic, was BEAUTIFUL. Listen, I’d be lying if I said Dave Malloy wasn’t one of the best composers when it comes to skill. Everyone in that show sure can act, and sing…the band too, was marvelous, I heard no errors from anyone. This is, what, a three hour long show? And the cast/band was just like, “oh, no big deal.” Which makes “the bad” and “the racist” even worse because these people deserve better. This show deserves better, it deserves to be better.

The Bad: Well, as a book fan, I disagreed with a lot of characterization…most of which can fall into The Racist etc, so I’ll just focus on the “bad but not inherently problematic” here. I really didn’t agree with a lot of things about Ahab’s characterization, i.e. I did not read him as just a bad white guy who’s the epitome of privilege. Stubb, on the other hand is, a canon white supremacist in the book and that barely gets acknowledged in the ways that it should. I do get what Dave was trying to go for, especially in re: Ahab & climate change, but this wasn’t the show for it - or at least, Ahab wasn’t the character for it. Which brings me to my next point: Most of the time, I’m a fan of the quirky Malloyian anachronisms and parallels to modern day issues, but I feel like he was trying too hard here and stepping out of line. Loose adaptations can be fun, anachronistic adaptations can be fun, even INACCURATE adaptations can be fun…but this just wasn’t. It didn’t feel like Moby-Dick, but more like a story vaguely inspired by it. If that had been what he was going for, it would’ve been fine, but he really acted like this would be an accurate adaptation of the book, so I felt let down. The only anachronism/breaking of the fourth wall that I somewhat liked were the talks of Melville and Hawthorne, honestly, and even those I’d sacrifice in favor for accuracy to the source.

And now…The racist/etc.

So. 

Where to begin? I suppose chronologically. Queequeg. Who, according to Dave Malloy, is a stereotypical flamboyant queer person of color! and also a quirky cannibal! He’s trans in the musical, apparently, but there’s not much indication of that in the show beyond from him wearing a binder and a skirt. Now, I am all for trans Queequeg of course, but he was a caricature in this particular adaptation. I do not blame Andrew Cristi. I blame Dave (and mayyyybe the costume designers to some extent). I felt baited. Also, early production rumors and quotes said that there would be a song in which Queequeg saved someone from drowning. That never happened. It pains me to say it, but he didn’t feel that much like an important character (due to the bad writing -- again, it has nothing to do with the actor). 

Additionally, Dave Malloy said that Queequeg and Ishmael would be a clear gay relationship…but the musical left so much room for them to just be interpreted as friends. It somehow became less gay than it is in the original Melville novel. The marriage was excluded, as were the quotes about them being a cozy and loving pair and about Queequeg holding Ishmael like a wife. They were replaced with the “I don’t wanna sleep with a cannibal” song, which was fun to watch at first but way too grossly stereotypical for me to genuinely enjoy it. Queequeg deserves a fun and light-hearted song, but he does not deserve a racist/homophobic one. My advice? Replace it with the actual chapters from the book, please. I do like the fact that The Pacific was a romantic duet and that they sing directly at each other during Squeeze Of The Hand, but those two songs are mere scraps especially compared to, for example, the Bosom Friend chapter of the book. It looked like they were going to kiss during The Pacific and I was very disappointed that they did not. Perhaps the team should keep the songs the way that they are for future productions, but add more romantic staging.

Pip-not-Pip/Elijah/??? (Ashkon Davaran’s character) and Fedallah were also major, major, issues. Not the actors, I love them. Not the book characters, I love them. But the musical characters.

Basically, Fedallah gets this 20 minute long monologue that can be summed up as “religion is bad” and a lot of other things including but not limited to egotistical fake-woke praise on color conscious casting and how badly America is fucked. And that’s not even mentioning the fact that Fedallah is Parsi and Zoroastranian in the book (and it is NOT good rep in the book by any means, trust me, I’ve been calling Malloy out on his racism but I can’t act as if book!Fedallah was anything less than an ~exotic caricature~ either). However, that’s beside the point, at least in this review. Musical!Fedallah is not Parsi nor Zoroastranian. Don’t read this the wrong way, I’m all for Black Muslim rep! But with a character who is already canonically something else? Take a white character and make them a Black Muslim, I encourage that, but when a character is already something else, no.

If the monologue was influenced/written by the actor, that’s one thing and I’d have less issue with it, but I think Dave wrote the vast majority of it, which…yikes…

My constructive criticism: Cut the Fedallah monologue. If the creative team still wants the actor/character to have the same amount of stage-time as he does now, replace it with a different monologue, maybe something from the book? Something about whaling history?

Another thing that needs to be cut or at least completely rewritten: Tambourine. The song starts off with an ableist verse that can be summed up as “you think you’re crazy because you get nervous on the subway? No! I’m more crazy than you!” Don’t take this as me saying that Pip’s trauma/PTSD shouldn’t be addressed at all, but this is the absolute worst way to address it. The song also has a lot of performative lines such as “is god cisgender?” Which, considering this is the same musical that also has trans bait, I truly hate it. Not that I think God should ever be viewed as a cis white man, but much like the “America is awful” stuff in the Fedallah Monologue, this is an offensive and fake-woke way to address such a topic. 

Part IV was really heart-wrenchingly beautiful. No criticism there.

To summarize by part-

Part I: Cut/replace the campy Queeqeug song, but otherwise keep it as it is.

Part II: Cut/replace the racist and xenophobic Fedallah monologue.

Part III: Cut/replace Tambourine. The rest of the Ballad Of Pip (starting with Kim Blanck’s beautiful song) is alright. Good, even.

Part IV: Great! No editing needed besides from the typical tweaking that writers may choose to do after their first draft.

In general: Make Ishmael/Queequeg more obvious, make Queequeg less of a caricature, do some major editing to Fedallah and Pip-Not-Pip/Elijah/???. Tambourine and Fedallah’s Monologue need to be completely rewritten, but I get that the creative team may not want to take scenes away from the actors, which is why I encourage them to remove all of the racist bs and create something completely new/different for the actors to perform. 

I understand that Moby-Dick is clearly a work-in-progress on all levels. I do not dislike for the show for being a scrappy rough draft. I judge it for its racist, homophobic, ableist, etc messages. Dave has acknowledged that this first copy is far from perfect, and I sincerely hope that the racism/etc. is the first and main thing that he fixes. 

[hoseoksactualass]

delinquent's dilemma 

part I

pairing: taehyung x reader

genre: smut // a bit angst // a bit fluff 

word count: 9k+

warning/s: gets smuttier the longer you read // oral (male receiving) //  slight degradation (in the form of goading of course) // implications of abuse, violence, and alcohol usage // slice of life so not much plot yet 

summary: bad boy having a crisis and everything that comes with it 

HanSon (trans. One Hand) did not use to be HanSon. The four delinquents decided the title had a nice ring to their minor crimes once they snatched film major and transferee, Kim Taehyung into their rather roguish stratagems. 

Hwangbo “Party” University had also decided the now five Hwangbo malefactors were more willingly cool guys than dickheads. Lives of the party. Heartthrobs, heartbreakers. Cue cool exit, serene smiling, slow motion. 

And as it goes, the good guys of Hwangbo will go to heaven, but the bad boys? The HanSon-esque bad boys? They bring heaven to you. 

Within the precincts of Hwangbo, there’s one university, and with the vicinity alone not being hollowed, “Party” University takes up most of its population. The Digital Media building is a large complex, continuing east and a few gravel steps from Minsu Hall, although stood more towards where the sun sets. It’s still a brisk walk from the tree passages that cluster closer to the separate theater building. 

It’s the aged rooms of DigiMedia’s third floor anyway people with no inspiration to continue their portfolios like to coop up in, the same people still too on edge to submit them discontinued as well. You hate it, the way Taehyung holds his photobook too close to his face. 

“I’m just looking, geez,” you lean forward again, picking at the edge of the blank page of your portfolio until it dog-eared. Then you go on another silent in-your-head rant about how your professors demanded soft and hard copies of your photographs. They’re probably failures in life who ask for hard copies ‘cause they don’t know how to open the soft ones, anyway, you huff. “Loosen up, newbie.”

“You loosen up. And the year’s ending,” he looks up from his work. His eyes are somewhere else in the room, though. “You’re the only one who calls me newbie by now,” but he says so like he doesn’t care, whole lower lip munched in thought of something else. Something more his status, you guess. You roll your eyes. You can tick the shit out of him, and he won’t have your head for it. He has better things to worry about than someone of the same major. And of the same bed. A few times. 

“I call you that to spite you,” you shrug. He sits still, unperturbed by your vexing, a listless lift and wave of his hand when the other cluster of film majors in the room leaves without so as much as a word to you. “—but of course it doesn’t work,” you mumble the rest to yourself. 

It’s hard not to look at him, anyway. He leans far against his chair, too tall for the back rest to meet his head, but he knows how to flaunt it. Raven black hair sweeping back, exhaustion he fakes, because he knows he looks good with the “exasperated” upturn in his brows, jaw flexing after a yawn. And you miss it, miss the validation you get from making him feel ecstatic inside you, the same validation you lack from being so stray from inspiration being a film major. The praise that leaves his lips, along with the dignity of being part of Hwangbo’s Bad Boys. His sounds. His hands. 

You’re supposed to be checking in the dorm by now. This facade he had on wasn’t letting you. You lift your chair to an instant scoot next to him.

This is the game you like playing. You look at him like your only prospect is to, until he can stop pretending the skin where your eyes bore isn’t turning red like the rest of his troop taught him was the exact wrong way to respond.

“Hey, transferee, look at me,” you coo, a teasing edge to your tone, because you know the transferee label is put behind him. But you enjoy it, see the way he refuses to shrivel away from the new reputation of being the dashingly handsome addition to HanSon. It’s not like he wasn’t brought up well by these motherfuckers anyway, because he looks at you with a tight, bored lip and raised eyebrows like he’s taught. Hair disheveled gracefully, you nearly lose. Nearly. 

You swipe your tongue over your lip, pulling it back to a nibble. 

“Kiss me,” you say.

It’s like he’s prepared for this. He looks away, eyes torpidly slow as he tongues at the inside of his cheek. 

“You can put your face between my legs in a heartbeat, but you won’t kiss me when I ask?,” you tease before he says anything. 

He doesn’t budge, though. Doesn’t have to, when you can see it in the way he shifts in his seat. He exhales like he’s just had a throat-burning sip of something. “Look, _____, this— this?,” he gestures, moving his hand from you to him. “This is not— an “us” thing.” You gape, bored and unimpressed, but he’s too dumb to register it. Your hand’s too busy snaking up his thigh, anyway. 

“Yeah, did Yejun teach you how to say that?,” you chaff. His eyes go still. “He’s an awful kisser, did you know that? Maybe that’s why he teaches his little minions like you to avoid letting the chicks kiss ‘em anywhere other than their dicks, yeah?,” you ghost your face awfully close to his. 

It suits him, the errant maverick with money in his pockets look. He lets you tease him like it’s the only way he’ll show he’s not just the rich, new kid anymore, to you. Maybe that’s what makes it so exhilarating for the both of you. You with the forthcoming of fucking the Bad Boy out of him, and him toiling on proving you wrong. And maybe sneaking a picture up your skirt or something. He stares at your lips, licking at his own. 

“Do you want your dick kissed first, big boy? Like Yejun taught you—oh,” you almost jump when Taehyung grabs your wrist, stunning you in your place where you almost climb atop him from your chair. He eyes you, tongue playing with his lip as if deciding what to do with you. Then before you can bully him more, he kisses you. It’s hot and filthy where you want him soft and moaning, but you give into it, into the direct amount of tongue like all he wants is to taste inside you. You doubt he wouldn’t have handled you like this even if he wasn’t part of uni’s cool kids. 

You both pull away, audible breathing and Taehyung already wanting to shove his fingers past your waistband. You swat his hand away, though— something he’s learned he can’t stop you from doing, aiming for his neck like a blood-thirsty creature, wet lips across his jugular, and he smirks for it. “You’re something,” he half chuckles, letting you work his pants off, especially because he decided to wear the more tighter side of denim pants as if to really ask you to desire him. 

“Yeah? How many times have you said that this week?”

“Five?,” he spits back, making you tug down on his boxers a little rougher. He watches you work with a shit-eating grin on his face, lax on his seat as you take his cock out. His heart beats fast being placed on a pedestal like this. Meant for praise.

“And how many times did you mean it?,” you pull the garments down, Taehyung sitting his ass back on his seat. He’s too dull to think you know he’s playing with your heart, so you pretend. Pretend like you’re a special fuck. “Hm?,” you kiss his chest through his shirt.

He plays into it, too. “Just this once, babe,” he half laughs, eyes a closed and contented flutter when you grip him taut by the base. You stroke him dry, tight pumps he hides his moans to. You can hear it, though. Under the baritone of his breaths is a soft choke. A tiny whimper. That’s what you want to hear. Loud. You kiss your way down, listening intently to the hitches in his breaths until you’re too far down to hear. You almost nose at his dick, licking a lewd line up like it’s porn. “Fuck,” he twinges.

He eyes your ass, curved out exaggeratedly in your bent position. With both his hands, he gathers your hair to a tight tail, resting the other on the edge of his seat. You make sure you look at him, see if you can beat the espresso of lust in his eyes, and you close your lips around the tip.

“Yeah, you look so good like this,” he breathes out, pushing your head down. You keep your tongue flat, hard against him so he can feel it. His hips kick. “Hm—god,” he says when you bring your mouth up again. You almost forget to breathe through your nose when you sink down on him until he bottoms out in your throat. There’s something about how hard he toils on not showing what’s simmering inside, getting off on the little fetish he’s developed ever since you had him by the dick, and when it’s your mouth, it’s endgame.

You watch him, sweat prominent, and it looks hot on him. The upturn of his knitted brows in an attempt to squint the overwhelming feeling of your squeezed cheeks away. You only want to revel in it more, so you suck him one of many ways you know he likes. Paced, tight, set out to make sure you make the boy at the top of uni’s hierarchy cum.

“Holy shit—taking it so well,” his head’s tilted, heaving of his chest almost meeting the hang of his chin when he tries to watch you back. Your face feels muggy, in no memory of what you really came here for, because it’s never really a battle between Film school and Taehyung’s dick. You moan against him. “Fucking—fuck,” he throws his head back, the longer cuts of the top of his hair hanging over the back of his head. Eyes shut, mouth ajar. It’s not long when you feel that discomfort between your legs, rubbing your thighs shut to cut it out, but the way he sounds when he’s like this only coaxes it out more. It’s when he’s about to cum he almost loses his cool card. Just almost.

But this time, you grind for it. You want the underskin of his face submerged in blood, until he has to plead you to slow down. You want his restrained growling to turn into loud whimpering. You can taste he’s close.

“C-Close—I’m close,” his hips stammer, and you don’t slow down. You have the audacity to mewl against his cock, hair a damp, sluggish mess in the hold of his fist; it tightens, tightens, and you’re out of breath and need to let up, but it’s sharp— his taste, so you let him push your head far down until your throat’s coating in him. “Fuck—yeah,” he freezes before he twinges hard, finishing with your nose pressed to his crotch and your face burning. “Ugh, fuck, look at me,” he coos softly.

You meet eyes, yours teary, and you make sure you aggrandize the look of it. The small simper in his face and his breathing is enough that it draws a hollow line in his cheeks, and he looks at you with full knowledge his cum’s lodged down your throat.

He has the bend of his index finger under your chin. His thumb is soft against the edge of your lip.

You stare at each other like this. This, and you’re certain of it, is something no one like Sok Yejun had taught him. It’s one thing to be taught to fuck like a jock, but no one’s taught Taehyung how to take it like a demon. Your lips are still wet. He wipes with his thumb, a royal look on his face. He tilts your head so he can look in your mouth.

“Swallow,” he bites his lip. There’s a surge of want inside you. You keep your eyes on him when you attach your lips tightly and gulp down his fluids, making sure your face doesn’t twist. It’s like you wait to be fed again. But all you get is him fixing his pants up and checking his phone for the time. “I gotta go,” he straightens up. It’s almost as if you snap into your senses, scooting back into your seat. There’s a soft love tap on your cheek.

“With—With the boys, right?,” you’re picking at your portfolio again, eyes too wide when you look up at him.

He looks at you like he needed that response, as if making sure you know you’re not getting anything in return for now. “Yeah, see you?”

You throw caution to the wind and smack his ass with a rather loud “See ‘ya, new kid” when he makes his way to the exit.

Then, you’re aware it’s 7:30 something in the evening, and that only means one thing: dormmates stopped waiting on you for dinner.

You don’t know what you’re supposed to call it, but it keeps you up. It has something to do with the words skipping dinner, or maybe your mind’s winded up too loud again to let your eyes feel so as much as a hint of sleepy. You lay on your other side. You aren’t loud, but your shuffling’s repetitive enough that it may be discerned by Ri-na who you share a wall with. 

You sit up; there’s cold sweat making your shirt stick to your back, and it’s like routine. You grab your DSLR. What makes sense to you now is that whatever the living fuck it was that was keeping you awake, you’ll freeze it into a photo, disheartened that ISO 100 is too dark for there to be no noise in the product, but it’s enough that you aren’t tossing in bed anymore. 

Yoo-mi is sound across you. She’s a simple human for a simple room, one side to her personality like there’s four corners in the room you share, and her feet always peeks out from under her blanket when she sleeps. She sleeps with a smile, too, and it makes you wonder what great nightly torment you could have avoided if you weren’t a film student. It’s still too creepy to put that slumbrous smile in your portfolio, so you settle to the window. 

There’s a certain exposure you want to capture. You depict the fine finish of your portfolio in your head, and it’s as much a heartwarmer as hot cocoa on a holiday and the viewfinder being a perfect fit for your eye. It’s a fleet-footed walk to the male dormitory. The building stands a twin so near, you can’t see the walkway from the floor you’re in. The window across yours has vertical blinds. You pull up yours and open the window next. 

Before you can even lift the camera to your face, perched on the windowsill and overlooking the stories below you, you’re caught by something, someone leaning against the wall of the male dorm. He’s too far below, but it’s not that high that you don’t see the fogging of his breath in the night. 

Taehyung is easy to recognise. That’s also what everyone thought the first time they ever saw him nearly ten months ago in the confines of Hwangbo University. Attractive like he is in his element now, head leant on the wall, hair still and straight over his forehead, almost tickling his eyes, knees bent as armrests, and hands fiddling with each other. You think of taking a photo, but that’s not what you do. 

You:

Up here

Sent 12:14 a.m.

Bummer if he didn’t take his phone out with him, but that isn’t the case when you see his pocket light up. He perks up like he’s just realised what trance he had been in. You put your camera away, arms folded to your chest when you make sure you safely perch out enough that he sees. The way he perks his head up is cute, and more so when his lips pull into a smile. He doesn’t wave. Just hangs his head again and types. 

Transferee sent you a message:

how’d you know i was here?

Sent 12:15 a.m.

You:

Was trying for my portfolio but saw u instead

What are u doing down there?

Sent 12:15 a.m.

He runs his hand through his hair but from the back, burying his fingers under the hair on the back of his head. Soft scratching, and you take note of that as something you’ll use when you’re both naked and on each other in the haze of an afterfuck. He stalls before typing as if rereading your second message. 

Transferee sent you a message:

smd again and i’ll tell you?

Sent 12:16 a.m. 

You:

Do u lowball every girl you talk to?

Sent 12:16 a.m.

Transferee sent you a message:

it’s just you, for now

also srsly come down here 

Sent 12:16 a.m.

There’s also this thing about Taehyung. It’s predominant in the way he tucks his phone into his pocket, shakes his hair from his eyes, and looks up at you. It’s not like you would sneak out 3 hours past the curfew just to meet up with one of the campus’ most cardinal personalities, but he looks at you like you know you’re gonna sneak out anyway. And like hell you wouldn’t now. 

Hwangbo University is coined Party University for the exact reason that nobody gives a fuck what you do anyway. It’s no different than others, but here, it’s almost heritage. If you listen close enough, beneath the dorm floors is a boosted bass and clinking beer bottles, but you tiptoe carefully nevertheless like you’ll be taunted by the slightest hint of sound you make. 

When you step outside, continue a few meters to the left, and make a sharp hairpin turn with your feet, Taehyung sits where you left him save for the way his head’s pointed directly at you like he was looking that way this whole time. Oh, and you have the strap of your DSLR camera around your neck. You still hold it in place, though, and the way he sits there and just gapes at you makes you act by impulse. You snap a picture, and he couldn’t care any less. After all, it’s the zeal you have as a film student Taehyung lingers with, because there’s always something to him about making you cum and seeing your eyes get lost when you’re thinking about taking pictures again. 

“Hi,” you blink. You walk until you’re close enough to notice the drying wet of his hair. 

“Was with them,” he clears his throat before you ask. 

“HanSon?”

There’s a pause. He sucks in his lips into a thin line and nods. Flits of moments like this with him were dubious. Around the four jocks that were HanSon, Taehyung stood inches taller, but he wears their signature smirk on his face like he didn’t have to learn it. Now in the way he’s sat next to where you squat down, he seems like someone you never met, although uncannily familiar of. Soft, blinking eyes with eyelashes that arrow straight down. He’s thinking, but of what, you have no idea. What you know is that he looks spent. Guilt-ridden, almost. 

“What’s on your mind?,” you lean forward, tilting to your head to take a good look at him. 

“You,” he jokes, looking up with a smug smile from where he hangs his head, but it gets you somewhere in the chest anyway. “And a lot of other things.”

“And a lot of other girls,” you sit your butt down, mimicking the way he sat when you were still stories above him. 

“Yeah, no,” he exhales like he’s just taken a swig of something you don’t know of. He lugs in his place, ass heavy, but he already has your full attention.

You let the night allow you to act like an airhead. “Oh? A playboy is thinking about just one girl?”

“Shut up,” he knows you’re messing around, though, half laughing as he hangs his head to the ground.

The night is very noisy to you, through pictures at least. Grain and shit exposure from the light, and it closes around your ears like it’s sound. It’s grain as well— how Taehyung was acting. It was as if you were coaxing for something like a spoilt child and are now shut up for being served it directly. He’s soft-spoken, lit evenly on the edges of his skin. You can’t bring yourself to take another picture.

“Every HanSon kickback’s just starting to feel like a fucking meeting,” he almost laughs when he says it. You blink at the slur on his tongue. His voice softens when he continues, though, so he could blame you for listening in on what sick problems he’s witnessed instead of making you believed he’s saying them by choice. He is saying them by choice, just makes it sound like the former. “Force me to get drunk, exchange sick pictures of girls, record their body count, hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if they made me suck their dicks.”

You feel slightly bad that it’s the second thing he mentioned that sticks. You flatten every crease on the silk of your shorts, but it only makes you look more like you don’t know how to respond. All you’ve ever done was try to fuck him until he cried and have a go at his expensive cameras— both you’d fail at. So you’re shoved under the limelight at something you knew was coming but was too abrupt. He doesn’t wait for your response, anyway. At least he doesn’t sound like he is.

Now, he’s picking at a pebble and scratching it at the gravel next to his feet. “Yejun talks an awful mouthful about you,” he says that like he waits for you to say something.

It’s kin to making you look bad— how it’s just now you respond. “I don’t give a fuck about Yejun.” You do about what he says, though. Probably something about your tits. Then now, you’re not so sure.

“Yeah, well, he seems to give a lot of fucks about that one time you slept together—”

“We didn’t sleep together, Tae,” there’s a ludicrous grit to your teeth and your head snapping up at him. He meets eyes but doesn’t move, and his gape is like an extinguisher that waters at your nerves lest he’d like to see you combust. Everyone in uni knows about what Yejun says about someone. About you, and everyone wears it like a fucking medal, beating you to the ground, because they worship he who’s an ace at lacrosse just as much as he bases making out off hentai. You hate his guts, but the recoil in Taehyung’s eyes tells you it’s a story for another day. “I don’t give a fuck about anything about him.”

The air around the pair of you is as off-putting as acrid smoke. “Wanna know what he says?”

“I said I don’t give a fuck—”

“Wanna know what he says?,” his voice gets louder, you have to perk your head up to see if anyone’s looking at you behind something. You feel like crying.

“No, Taehyung, I don’t want to. I hate it.”

You don’t know what you mean when you say it. It carries enough load to lift off what you feel in the dip of your sternum. It also might be hunger. “Me, too,” he softens again.

“Then why do you tolerate him?”

“Can we talk about this another time? I feel sick.”

“Just tell me why.”

“My room,” he stands up, dusting his bottom. You aren’t aware, but you straighten up and try to buff yourself at the chest like he isn’t nearly a foot taller.

“You let me come down here and say shit everyone knows has been eating away at my fucking brain, and when I ask you why you fucking hang out with Sok Yejun, you—”

“In. My. Room,” all you see is red until he’s clutched you by your wrist again. It’s rainy weather short of coming off as some bad drama. “Let’s talk about this in my room. Not out here where he could be fucking listening. He has ears everywhere; I would know.”

It’s true, but you scoff anyway, feet leaden when you follow him until you’ve reached the steps of the male dormitory. It’s then you sneak even if it’s easy. The building is no different from the female’s next to it, save for something you can’t pinpoint due to the form of your disposition being asked about your past encounters with Sok Yejun; the thought of the name was even more repugnant to you. 

“Go ahead. You know where my room is,” Taehyung remains composed, a few steps behind you and hands in his pockets. You felt like bait being pushed, surrounded by unwanted testosterone and dreadful silence. 

“Don’t be cocky,” you spit, but you’ve been to his room enough times that your feet recollect it more than your mind does. Second floor, third room from the staircase at the far end of the hall. It’s exactly the same as before. Not that there were slivers of moments his room stood a different way; it just always seemed still. Stagnant, not lived in, maybe a bit too clean. You only realise you’re actually astood in the room when he closes the door behind him. “So tell me.”

“Tell you what?,” he hasn’t moved into the light, but it’s enough that you see the stern of his expression. 

You glare at him. “Why you kiss up to your... gang,” you say the last word, stressing the repulsion on your tongue. 

“I’m quitting.” 

You can be pissed at the way he has you by his surprises again, but it’s not like quitting HanSon wasn’t a good thing. It’s what you’d have a sit down with him to debate on, words from a victim’s perspective, something you’d feel content in seeing contemplation in the way he’d chew on his lip, but now he propositions directly over what you’ve been dwelling on and never had the balls to straightforwardly say to him. 

“I... You’re the only person I could tell,” he seems apologetic. “I know I fuck around a lot, but there’s... other shit we’ve done, and I pretend I like it,” he fiddles with his fingers, a fake, hesitant, heartbreaking smile on his lips. “I’m out this time.”

“You’re—,” you swallow. “—so confusing, but I-”

“I don’t want Yejun making me do shitty things anymore. Bad things. It’s not me.”

You don’t know what Taehyung’s seen. Contrite is what you feel for letting the fact he’s tolerated what you know goes on in HanSon over the fact Taehyung seems sincere about change; you almost couldn’t stand the reality that you had slept with him and will continue to. “Jesus, Tae,” you palm at your head as if feeling for sickness. You sigh and set your camera on his desk behind you. “What have they done to you?”

He looks like he might cry. “You understand me, right?”

You rub at your shorts again like it flats out your nerves. “I... do. Yeah.”

Your hands play at the edge of his desk behind you, your stance an unintentional invitation for Taehyung to bring himself closer to you, but the way he does it seems like he wouldn’t have left you a choice anyway. “You do? You believe me?”

“I don’t know why it’s hard not to when you’re suddenly not a fucking airhead anymore.” He gulps. You search his eyes, but he doesn’t look at you. His eyes are downcast to your lips, but you greet the angst of it with the fanning of his hot breath. “Look at me.”

He does instantly, meeting eyes, and you’d lie if you would say there was nothing you felt inside at that. You crack a slow smile, trying to get the foul of the air to light up, and it’s easy when he’s vulnerable like this, this being the first cases of many. He smiles back sheepishly, hit by the realisation that he’s stripped his softness bare in front of you, and in no time, the pair of you had bowed your heads in fits of soft laughing. You weren’t one to wish for time to freeze, but there was something about it you’d consider at this very minute. It doesn’t take long before Taehyung is biting down on the back of his hand in an attempt to choke himself down on his own boxy laughter, voice cracking that stubborn way when he’s laughing too hard. It’s contagious, and you laugh at each other like this, Taehyung trying to turn away from you, but you always scramble to his direction like you can’t get enough of him. 

“What are you doing? Are you crying?,” you tease, on your toes to get a good look at his face. He doesn’t need to answer, his finger wiping stray tears on the corner of his eyes sufficing. His laughs slow to faint chuckles, but he still turns away from you like any more second spent looking at you would kill his guts. 

“Fuck off, I’m not crying; this is just—,” he interrupts himself with laughter yet again, bending over lest he wants his ribs to stab himself. The smile on your face was something that made your cheeks start to ache. Pure amusement. “I just— never thought I’d fucking hate Yejun now, when he took me in.”

You roll your eyes. “He didn’t take you in; you had a fuckable face, and he knew HanSon would look good with you in it,” you sneer— an excuse to turn your head away, because his face is too close. He looks at your lips like he gets off on your cursing. The air stills somehow, settling hot on the both of you, and you’re puzzled at the flush on your face, because you were never flustered like this. “...but who am I to say?,” your voice falters in a second attempt to search his eyes, but all he was fixated on was your lips.

“Uhuh,” he tongued at his cheek. You try to look over his shoulder, maybe somewhere in the corner of his room, but it doesn’t work. You try to huff out a laugh.

“Stop pretending I’m not here, you dick— oomph!”

Against his own desk is where Taehyung feverishly kisses you, your breaths held tight at the action, and he does so like he had been waiting for this for a stretch of time. He lets his lips linger for a little longer, completely sucking away your breath before he makes you catch it when he tongues down your neck as if ready to sink his teeth down on your skin any second. The thought makes you tremble. “I want you,” he mutters, kissing your torso down from through your shirt, eyes locked on yours. You sit down on the desk, unperturbed at its slight creaking down. “Since the moment you walked down in these. Showing so much skin,” he pulls the waistbands of your shorts and panties down, and your breath jerks at the sudden waft of air. “I’m sorry— just let me touch you.”

“Slowly,” you whisper. Taehyung gets on his knees swiftly anyway, lifting your right leg to prop on his shoulder before he kisses in to your thigh. “Don’t be mean,” you sigh, softly tugging at his hair. He smirks. “If you’re gonna eat me out out of the blue after going all heart to heart with me, don’t stall.”

“What, you minx? Can’t you let me see how wet you are for me first?,” he speaks with innocence in his tone. You nibble on your lip. He drags his index finger along your slit up and lets the minimal fluid slide to the hood of your clit. You inhale sharply. “Wanna taste you.”

“So do it,” you tug on his hair again, this time trying to drag your nails across his scalp, and he shivers so you know it works. He kisses the mound of your crotch, scratching certain that you hear it when he takes in your scent.

“I really wanna,” he licks you up, kitten strips across your clit, and you hiss at its burn. You yank at his hair, and he groans. “Make this cunt all fucking mine.”

“Fuck—more, Tae,” you brush his hair from his forehead. There’s a gentle way to how he looks up at you, but it’s nothing soft. He still has that entity with him, something set out for something. “Please.”

You have him at that, lips and tongue on perfect bearing to have you falling apart on his face. He eats you out for the object of it, like he projects his gulped down stress into your pussy; coping has never tasted sweeter. 

Your eyes shut, brows downturned like you plead for it. Trying to keep shut, but it seems that’s not what he wants when he delves in harder. Your body twinges. “G-God—fuck-”

Having you on his face is something he always gets done. He’s obsessed with it. He’ll keep his eyes peeled for every roll of your hips and the way your face twitches at his tongue, but that was not the case tonight. The disconcerted of his dick in his pants is something that takes over, and before you could even yank at his hair more, he’s stood up, leaving your knees wobbly. He spins your imbalance so your back is pressed against his front, lips going straight for your neck again. You could feel his bulge from behind you, and with what fervor you have to grind your ass against him you use. 

“No one can get you half as wet as this,” he mutters into your ear. Your hairs stand. You keen into him, the bend of your back making the only space between you when he pulls your ass even tighter against his crotch, rutting the fabric of his pants wet. “Say it,” he nibbles on your ear. “Please.”

You shut your eyes, trying to pull at him from behind, combing at his hair. “No one gets me this wet, Tae.”

“Damn right,” his hand travels down your front, pressing down on your stomach like he feels your guts in preparation. With his other hand, he pulls down his waistbands and presses the solid of his cock right against your back. “No one’s been fucking you like I do?”

“No one’s been fucking me,” you grit your teeth as he lifts your leg so your knee is propped on his desk. You let his sounds reverberate in your mind, still breaths, but you hear the taut of it. The baritone of his mutters.  “So please fuck me.”

You almost hate the suppulent sound in your voice, but there’s something about being around Taehyung that made you ache for him. It hurt you somewhere you didn’t want to say was your heart when you recalled the painstaking look on his face mere minutes ago, telling you he was done with whatever shit HanSon made him put up with. He touches you like that’s all he’s invested in. Not his reputation. Not the girls he’s brought here before. Not his fucking beer count. 

“Beg me again,” he slides the tip of his cock along your slit. You inhale sharply at the feeling, trying to push yourself back on him, but now he holds your hips still. Taehyung had never talked this much. All you did before was fuck each other hard then get going, and now you come with the revelation that maybe he was taught to fuck like this. It’s Yejun’s fuck ‘er ‘n go rules, and tell the bitch she shouldn’t catch feelings even if she already had. “Beg me,” he repeats. 

“Taehyung, please,” you huff through the mettle on your teeth, the floor feeling weak below you. “You fucking feel it; I’m soaking—please fuck me.”

You feel a smirk etch its way onto his face, and he presses that attitude into the side of your face, driven by the lit up scent of your skin. His hand moves lower, circles to your clit lead by his middle finger, and it’s almost like you crumble. “You look perfect like this.”

“I get that a lot,” you hiss, keening so your head is lulled onto his shoulder. His hand squeezes somewhere on your hip. 

“Don’t get cocky now,” he presses a wet kiss to your hair, his cock teasing you with soft ruts of his hips like he was teasing only you. 

“Please, Taehyung,” you’re lost where you want your hips, against his fingers or the arousal of his he lets slide from behind you. 

“Tell me what you want.”

“You know what I want.”

“I wanna hear you say it,” he breathes gravelly into you, every second making you feel more bare and empty. 

“God—I want-,” you catch your breath. “—your cock—inside me. Please.”

He grabs open a drawer, almost yanking it from its socket, and all you hear is the sound of opening plastic before he growls against your ear, slowly inching his length inside you, under the mercy of your pleas.

“Yes, like that,” you whimper, eyes instantly falling shut, relying weight on wherever he had you on his grip. Taehyung instantly picks up on his pace after pulling out to thrust himself inside again. “Yes—fuck, Taehyung.”

He’s just as broken down as you are, rampant breaths washing you and sharp thrusts that hit right where you’ve been craving. “So fucking wet—you’re so wet,” he nuzzles his nose to your ear. “This is all mine,” he whispers, voice wavering. 

“A-All yours,” you mewl, eyes clouding with tears, clawing at whatever skin you could reach behind you. Your jaw’s slack opened, whimpering at the feeling you try to soften, but each motion comes after the other, and it doesn’t help that he breathes heavy down your neck. You could hear that jerking whimpers you’ve always aimed for. 

“Taking it so well—fuck,” he moans, hanging his head before dragging his teeth along the crook of your neck, eyes blown and hooded; you can perfectly picture it from where you were lit up by the horizontal seeps of light from his window blinds. “Dripping all over my cock—”

You swallow, the scorch of your throat gulped down before you can make another sound, and you make more than you intend to. Your body wrenches at every thrust, earning the both of you a grunt from the creaking desk each time. You give rein to the pure filth of it, fucking your thoughts away in the dead of the night, and Taehyung makes it count. 

“Just—like that—ohgod,” you clench around him, and he welcomes it, drawing a tight groan from his throat. He has an obsession for the moment, not giving a fuck that his hair has fallen completely over his eyes; his head was wrapped around the sordid sounds of slapping skins and the way you lolled into him like you would fall to pieces if he wasn’t holding you up. 

“Tell me who else can fuck you like this,” he sears.

“N-No one else,” it’s almost pathetic how quick you answer. Your gut starts to pull. 

“I’m gonna make you not want to fuck anybody but me,” he vents to you, and the air condenses on your skin, beads of sweat you only gain awareness of when you feel the wear of your body. “This cunt’s—all fucking mine.” 

“Y-Yes,” you’re hung upon the sensation, tears watering your cheeks, and your sight filtered in hot white. “I’m—I’m close.”

“Let it go,” he exhales, rutting his hips to catch up, and it only makes the sensation of your own orgasm hotter on your tail. “C-Cum all over me—,” his moan stutters. You feel him bow his head onto your shoulder again. 

You bite into your own hand, salivating it and quaking to your edge. It comes abruptly; you nearly fall over, taken by some form of plaintive moaning, and all you feel is him making use of the tightening of your cunt. 

“Nggh—I—not yet, not yet,” he grunts, crotch ramming incredibly fast before he’s pulling your body down on his like he wants to drown in you, a string of moans leaving his lips, stopping himself from letting his own orgasm take over. You revel in the sound and the use you feel down there. He tries to soften around the edges, but he keeps you where you are, pressed to his front, panting. He breathes heavily, embraces you like this. You can’t think of any place better, though you don’t know why. He presses his lips on your shoulder when he pulls out, the unsoiled condom tied to a knot and dipped into the bin under his desk before he rips open another one. “Get on the bed,” he hasn’t caught his breath yet.

“I just came,” you comply and complain, throwing your top over your head and leaving your bra for him to undo.

You watch him roll on another condom like it’s a chore. “Should’ve lasted longer than that then,” he turns, crawling towards you with a jerk of his head to swipe his hair off his face. The ambience of the night is soft on his skin. You grab at his shirt like it’s a present, and somewhere you don’t see, you hear him kick his undergarments off.

What makes you go stiff is the bruise you see on his left rib. A loud contrusion that’s darker where the light doesn’t hit. You move your fingers to your lips in hesitation. “How’d you get this?,” is what you go for, knowing too well it had something to do with whatever fucking ritual Yejun made his minions go through.

He grabs your free hand before you’re able to ghost your fingertips over the bruise. He pins it next to your head. “Story for another day. Lift your back,” he mumbles, and you receive it, unmoving like the purple of his rib would make him break at the faintest twinge of your body.

“But you’re telling me after,” you shuffle your head, static against his sheets and kiss his hand where he holds you down. “Or nothing’s stopping me from beating the shit out of Yejun.”

“Careful, hellcat,” he slides himself down, descends so he’s level with your breasts. 

“I’m serious; I’ve had enough of that piece of fuck,” you speak. Taehyung likes the particular way you speak through the clench in your jaw. He presses a soft kiss to your chest. 

“Hold back for me,” he whispers into your skin. “Don’t want any trouble.”

“Look who’s just become an angel,” you shoot him a glare, but he takes it with a boxy giggle, and now, you feel like schmaltz. “Are you gonna tell me you don’t want me to get hurt next?” 

He doesn’t want you to get hurt, but with the hovering connotation of your question, he takes it as something he’ll keep to himself. “No, I just want you to stop talking.”

As soon as his grip on your wrist falters, you roll him over so you’re sat atop him. His body registers it slower than his mind, so the smirk he has painted across his face says different than the reluctant crouch on his upper body. “Let the bad guy do the work tonight,” you send him a faultless smile, balancing your crotch above his, your hand wrapped around his shaft. 

“Hair.”

“Huh?”

“Wanna see your face,” he bites his lip. Your face feels hot, but you tuck one side of your hair behind your ear anyway. You have a glance at him staring at where you try to sink down on him before he looks at your face again, and you look down. A little awkward, but he likes how your face shudders. He hums low; you almost don’t hear it, but you feel it somewhere in your chest. 

“Ah, sh-shit,” you curse, hissing through your teeth. It doesn’t stop you from sinking all the way down anyway, rocking your hips so you find where it hits you right. “You’re so—big.”

“Yeah?,” he leans back, grabbing pillows and stuffing whatnot behind him. He brushes through his fringe, stopping mid-brush-up when you make a distinct sound that makes him twitch. “Yeah, fuck yourself on that cock.”

You shudder, raising your hips and descending again. “Ugh, shit.” 

You make a sharp inhale that zips through seized teeth, repeating your motion. The feeling of him filling you up with each stroke was nearly overwhelming, but you take it for him, straightening your back and pulling a prettily fucked out face. “Fucking perfect,” he says, hazed eyes. Tranced. 

“O-Oh—f-,” you hold that letter in a hard bite down on your lip, trying to keep your eyes open. Taehyung bathes in it. Think it’s more of a struggle than a show. Men pride themselves in things like this, and women know just exactly how to play pawn. Until they decide not to. You inhale sharply again, leaning yourself over him and pressing your palms beside him, close enough that he feels your breath on his face. “C-Come on, good boy, let it out.”

His eyes go awake, slightly open mouth morphing into an eager O, watching the way your eyes are hooded so your eyelashes almost brush against your cheek. Your voice sounds so sultry to him. 

“You tell me how good I feel,” you steady your pace, a paced bounce that he wants to meet in a kick of his hips, but you have him in his place. “It’s okay, you have it in you,” you tease. “What, do I have to call you a slut?”

“F-Fuck you,” his voice quivers, a drunken flush covering his face, and the furrowing of his brows gradually downturning. He gets fucking lost in the feeling; he loses definition of a climax, because everything at the moment was just raw pleasure. 

“Come on, cuntslut, say it.” You see him fist at the sheets. 

“G-God—it’s fucking good,” he shivers an exhale, his head craning where you want to fit yours. “So good,” it comes off as a tight whisper, a restrained squeal. 

“That’s right—nggh,” you try to hold yourself up, slouched back straight again, and yet again, he twitches at your sound. He’s at your mercy. You skid yourself to a stop, catching your breath before you pick up your pace, and the burn in your thighs is something you ignore. “Oh my fucking god.”

Taehyung loses it, the pull in his abdomen loosening for seconds as he moans a string of glorious sounds— something deep and something he tries to stop. He pulls one side of the bed sheet too hard. “F-Faster,” he whines for it. And he has the audacity to say, “—please, baby.” 

You obey, bouncing against him, every motion choking your moans from you. Then he’s not so afraid to get submissively loud anymore, a twist to his face like he’s having it for the first time. “Taehyung,” you mewl. 

“Yeah, fucking—,” his eyes shut, interrupting himself with a growl that goes all the way inside you. Your body feels scorched. 

“C-Can’t,” you huff. “Gonna give out.”

“Get down here,” he says. You fall against him, lips meeting, his dick tucked warm inside you before he grabs a fistful of your hair from behind to pull you up. His hips start kicking. Brutally fast while he watches you take it on top of him. “Making a mess all over me.”

Then it’s you who fucking loses it. Spit smeared on the corner of your lip, and you don’t know who it belongs to, groaning like there’s no other way to express it. Drooping eyes you lock with his. He tongues at his lower lip. 

“Are you gonna cum?,” his pants get louder.

You nod, swallowing, wrapping your body around the feeling. 

“Fuck, you’re so good,” he laughs, but it only gets bitten down by a strangled moan. “Cumming again for me, hm?,” he fucks harder. It’s guaranteed the room he shares a wall with could wake up to these foul sounds. 

You nod again. The twist inside unravels fast, but you keep your eyes open to look at him, your hands tugging at wherever the fuck it had in its grasp. 

“I’m close, too, so—fucking close,” he ruts to the feeling of your cunt clenching. You whimper, weight breaking down onto his body, and you let him fuck you until he spurts hard. You kiss up his jaw as he finishes, a squint to his eyes as if you weren’t there, and you feel all of his body stammer, an engine sputtering to a stop. “Don’t... move yet,” he sighs.

The heaving of your chests go in sync, heavy and quick to take back in all the exhaled breaths, nude of your bodies still interlocked and besmirched in sweat. You don’t know what time it is, but it looks good on your skins. Through the small line of vision your sleepy eyes allow. You remember Taehyung sliding off from below you before darkness follows. It’s instant. No tossing or turning, and you’ll wake up the same way. 

You wake up a different way, cradled sticky to his chest with a hot shirt and some loose-fitting boxers. Somehow, the sound of Taehyung’s breathing is something you easily register into the morning. Like it’s as systematic as the tweet of birds or the start of day’s traffic just right outside the campus. 

The room’s made more at home with the day old strewn clothes on his floor. It’s tranquil and awfully early to be up, but enough light seeps through his blinds that you feel it fuzzing from your toes; you’re awake. You turn to Taehyung, somewhere still in deep slumber, sleeping like he’s afloat, weightless. He has his right arm lazily tossed over your torso. Enough so you could sneak off him, but you don’t. 

You spend a trace of your Monday morning like this, before you both have to start the day at 3 p.m. attending a class on the History of European Cinema. While you found that lesson boring than signed up for, Taehyung, on the other hand, studied that shit as hard as he spent time grinding down on video games. In all truth, he’s taught you to appreciate the course for more than just being a requirement for your major. You feel his nose against your cheek. 

“Is it Tuesday?,” he grumbles. “We have a lecture at 9.”

You turn to face him. He still has his eyes closed, and you wipe the muck off your eyes before he gets a chance to see it. “It’s Monday.” 

“What was it again?”

“What?,” you push yourself up, resting your head on your palm. He stays still.

“His first name... something—um, Kieślowski,” he mumbles with loose lips. He never gets the pronunciation right, so you bet he knows Kieślowski‘s first name and just needs you to articulate it for him. 

“Polish director and screenwriter,” you mumble these words to yourself before recollecting rather loudly, “Krzysztof.” 

“Yeah. That dude,” he shifts, trying to tighten his arm around you, but you’re half sat up so he forces his eyes open. “What time is it?”

“Don’t know,” you smile at him, at the uneven squint in his eyes, but you look at them and know they feel heavy still. The idea of having hours ahead of you that can be spent doing absolutely nothing didn’t feel as much of a drain now that you’ve started it in bed with Taehyung. “I’d say around 6.”

He drops his jaw in some form of showing his disgust. “You know I never get up this early,” and with that, his eyes shut again, and he prods his face deeper into the pillows. 

You’re too lazy to check the actual time, but something about the air and the inert of all the sounds gives you so much leeway to mess around in Taehyung’s bed. You cuddle up next to him, nosing on his shoulder. You can see the bruise clearer on his left side now where the sun strikes, so much so that you can see all the broken blood vessels asking for their lives back. There’s a sick yellow tinge to it, too, until Taehyung feels you staring. “About your bruise,” you bring up before he could ask.

“I said that was for another day. Why are you still in my room?”

“Dude, fuck you,” you nudge at him, making him pull an exaggerated ow and skid farther from you. “Gonna give you another bruise if you don’t tell me tomorrow.”

He remains unmoving. “Low blow, _____.”

“To your balls. And I’m not apologising,” you sit up, involuntarily stretching. Taehyung takes comfort in the shadow of your body, nuzzling up into a ball with a slow shiver, but that comfort doesn’t last when you straighten up and gather your clothes. 

You leave after a few minutes, and there’s something about asking you out of his room Taehyung dreads before he’s knocked out again. 

[fuckyeahjoonmyun]

Suho Interview with Korepo - “Rich Man” drama

Please introduce the role you played in “Rich Man - A Liar is The Beginning of Love-”

“The role I played is Lee Yoochan, a genius businessman who suffers from ‘facial dyspnea’ who can’t distinguish the face of a woman he loves, and who thinks only of himself by the side. Yoochan is a very sad and naive person because he grew up alone from an early age. He doesn’t really mind the eyes of other. He may seem like a selfish and nasty guy, but in reality he is only lonely.  I think that he actually want to be loved by many people.”

Please tell us the difference between the Japanese version and the Korean version, and the charm of the Korean version.

“The Japanese version and the Korean version have slightly different settings. The main character of the Japanese version is looking for a living mother, but the main character of the Korean version is looking not only for the mother but also for a loving woman, and there are a lot of sad episodes. But there is no big difference. I feel that the expression has become a little straight by the fact that the dialogue has become Korean. As a result, viewers may think that Lee Yoochan is a nasty guy.”

Please tell us what you prepared in advance to play this part.

“Lee Yoochan is a grumpy genius businessman who only thinks of himself. The genius characters I’ve seen so far would act without consideration of others when they are devoted or concentrated on one thing. After finding common points of various types of geniuses, I analyzed the person named Lee Yoochan and thought about what kind of character he was.”

The main character of the Japanese version is said to be modeled after Steve Jobs. Have you made some effort (to learn) to play the Korean version of Lee Yoochan?

“I heard the story and watched the movie ‘Steve Jobs’. Since Yoochan is a genius but awkward character, I learned about character who is a genius but lack of sociality, also referring to the performance of Robert Downey Jr. in the movie ‘Iron Man’.”

In the drama, Yoochan is strong in digital, but what about Suho in reality? 

“Actually, I don’t use many apps, and I don’t know much about personal computers. I don’t play games very much, so I’m close to analog humans. I like analog better than digital because I feel the warmth of human beings.”

It is opposite to the character. Yoochan uses the SNS “Mini Life” to look for his first love person Kim Boonhong who supported his lonely boyhood. If such a SNS exists, who would you like to look for?

“I want to meet teachers from elementary school. I learned a lot from elementary school teachers, so I would like you to see how I grew up.”

Do genius programmers Lee Yoochan and Suho himself have similar points and different points? 

“First of all, I’m not a genius. Lee Yoochan’s expression is very straight and the action is big. The feeling of ups and downs of emotions seems like words come out earlier than rational judgment. But I’m a type who will say something after thinking too much about it. I think that part is different because I talk after I think in the other party’s position. Also, Lee Yoochan is not familiar with adulthood and is naive, so it has a cute side, but it may be similar (to me). I like to be annoyed if I can’t grow up. So I was able to play the fun scene.”

There are many actors of the same age appearing in this film, how was the atmosphere at the shooting site?

“It was a lot of fun. I filmed it while making fun with Ha Yeonsoo (the heroine Kim Bora). Oh Changsuk (who plays as Min Taejoo, a vice president and develop a battle of love with Yoochan) is a little older than me but he got along well with us, and we also heard a lot of stories from Kim Yewon (who plays as Min Taera, Min Taejoon’s sister). The other actors also tried to support each other while talking about acting and drama, and talking privately.”

Who was the mood maker among them?

“Yeonsoo always get excited whenever she looked at Changsuk or my condition is getting darker.”

Please tell us if there is a scene or name line that remains in the impression in the drama.

“There is a talk scene in episode 1. As it is a scene where we could understand Yoochan’s character well, I feel so worried yet excited when we filmed it. There were many good words to remember, but I think that it is an interesting scene because I also swear at the last minute.”

EXO has many members who play an active part as actors, do you look at each work and give advice?

“We don’t give much advice as we respect each other. However, while reading the script together with Sehun, he says, “This scene looks interesting” and jokes about it. It feels like we make fun with each other while reading each other script rather than advice.”

Lee Yoochan has a very bright figure to do his job perfectly. What do you think is the best thing Suho can do?

“When standing on stage, recording, acting, etc., I think I may be the best when I forget everything else and focus on things in front of my eyes.”

There was Yoochan’s line that “a dream is to change the world”, so what is your current dream?

“My closest dream is that ‘Rich Man’ will be a work loved by many people in Korea and Japan, and Lee Yoochan will be a character that remembered by people. The big dream is to be able to stay on stage with the members of EXO in the future.”

Lee Yoochan has his own style, but do you have any particular concerns about your life, your belongings, clothes, etc?

“Recently, I like oversized clothes like Hip-Hop fashion.”

What kind of work did Rich Man become for you?

“’Rich Man’ is a mini-series drama that I star for the first time, so I think it will be an unforgettable work. It is a very important character for me because it seems that there will be no time to play a genius, rich, selfish person.”

Please give a message to Japanese audiences.

“I think ‘Rich Man’ is a work that everyone enjoys, as the process of developing Yoo-chan’s opposite Bora gradually into love emotions while holding a favor is depicted intriguingly. You may feel that it is a drama, so you may feel that it is a reality, but I think there are many aspects that can be real and sympathetic. It is a drama that heals us by giving laughter and excitement to us who are having trouble. I hope I can enjoy the process by which Lee Yoo-chan meets Bora and regains humanity. As it is a popular work in Japan, I did my best to shoot with other performers and staff so as not to disappoint.

Please support the Korean version of ‘Rich Man’ as well as the Japanese version ‘Rich Man, Poor Woman’. Thank you.”

source: koreapo (trans. cr.: suhounionglobal)

[ktaebwi]

[TRANS] ‘WINGS’ Concept Book Interview - Rap Monster

© floofyjimin KRN - ENG © ktaebwi

『 Will we settle down here, or will we run more? There’s a visible limit of until where we can run, but settling down is, rather than right or wrong, not cool in my standard. I think it has become my vocation. We need to see until where we can go, we need to pave the way, I told the members I hope they would think about that, and thankfully they all related to me. I don’t know where is the end but we need to finish. 』

I heard the members were confused when hearing the title “Blood, Sweat & Tears” for the first time. “(laughs) After reconsidering for about a day I thought it sounds okay. Suga-hyung opposed it. That hyung opposed it at first. (laughs)”

Where did you feel like it sounds okay? “It’s not a colloquial expression in Korean. We normally say ‘shed blood and sweat’, ‘shed blood and tears’, we don’t use ‘blood, sweat and tears’. It sounds unfamiliar. I like a rapper called Ace Hood and he has an album titled <Blood, Sweat & Tears>. This is a commonly used expression in English and I thought if we take and change this to Korean, we could make it into one of our expressions. Also, I kept thinking about the phrase ‘blood, sweat and tears’ and the words’ feel is kind of uncomfortable. Feels like something is emitted. I thought about it for a day but other people would think it’s either sexy or dirty when hearing the title. It ended up not sounding dirty so that’s a success.”

How did you feel when you first heard the concept of <WINGS> will be based on <Demian>? “I enjoyed reading <Demian> when I was young. I just read without knowing anything. I only thought ‘It’s a cool novel’. (laughs) The only thing I remember was that it was cool and difficult, but I went to read again after knowing the concept of <WINGS> will be <Demian>. Hearing Bang Shihyuk PD-nim talking, I got to understand why <Demian> is a classic coming-of-age novel. The elements in <Demian> suit what we want to do and what was portrayed in the ‘Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa’ series too.”

You even personally recorded the English quotes in <Demian>. “This was Bang Shihyuk PD-nim’s idea. The reason why K-pop, combining various factors, can succeed is because of its organic storyline. BTS’ story is once again completed more strongly with <Demian> in <WINGS>. When people ask ‘Why do you like K-pop that much?’, ‘You should listen to Justin Bieber or One Direction, why do you have to like BTS?’, I think they can answer that it’s because of the storyline and the members’ fiction-like chemistry. Using my voice as another installation will make people immersed more. Besides, we are currently at the stage where we can’t only think of the Korean market anymore.”

How much did you participate in the repackage album <YOU NEVER WALK ALONE>? “I wrote chorus for the first time in the title song ‘Spring Day’. Until now our title songs’ choruses have always been written by professional composers so I didn’t hold much greed, but I happened to write this when I went to Saetgang Park one day. That day the dead leaves oddly caught my eyes. It reminded me of how I used to dry leaves, put in letters and sent. 20, 30 minutes later I came up with a melody starting with ‘dead leaves’. When I first heard the title song, I wished there would be a melody with such kind of feels. I tried combining with what I wrote that time and it sounded good. I have thought that this would definitely be great from the start and after bringing them, they all said it’s good and in the end it was approved without any change. It was an honor for me.”

Do you come to the park often? “I like parks and I also like coming to unfamiliar places. Sometimes I got to Jungnangcheon or Cheongnyangni Station for no reason, or basically anywhere. If I see any place I like on the car, I use the map on my phone and take photos so I can come there next time. I probably have gone to every place that’s worth visiting in Seoul. Now I’m planning to come to every place I haven’t gone to even if it has no special meaning. Like Gongdeok Station. Come and do nothing but just be there, seeing how people live, seeing them walking around. I’m curious how everyone lives in places I don’t know.”

It means indirect experience. “Yes. I tend to come to such places and relieve my stress. I come there and see, doesn’t this world have no connection to me? Everyone is busy with thoughts about work always linger in their heads. When I come to such places, look around and have some time alone to think, something will be resolved. Even if there’s none, it’s emotionally relieving. It’s hypocritical how I get anxious when I have nothing to do, but when I do I want to escape. So I want to keep going outside and blend in the world that has no direct connection to me, even if I have to force myself. No one interferes me there. I don’t have many chances to hang out and talk with my ordinary friends, so coming to those places and listening to people talking sometimes help with my work too.”

What you just said is the story of your solo song “Reflection”. “I wrote it when I went to Ttukseom. That time I had determined to write something and went out. Before I made ‘Reflection’, there was a good song too, but as I listen to it, it was too similar to the vibe of the artist I’m influenced by. I hated that. The company said it’s okay but I have my qualms of conscience. It’s not similar technically but to me it sounds obviously influenced by that person. We got our name on Billboard and other places too now, I hate making songs in that way. Anyway I have to make my solo song so I was going to use one I made before which I planned to put in my mixtape, but I hated that as well. It seemed to bend the album concept. ‘Then let’s just start over’, I thought, but I wasn’t sure what to do after deciding to start over, so I went to Ttukseom.”

What inspiration did you get there? “If you come in the evening, you can see people just sit there. Everyone is gathering but it’s dark so they don’t mind each other. It’s nice. I can take a can of beer and sit together with them and no one will know. It satisfies my twofold desire. I want to be with someone else, but at the same time I want to be alone. I decided to write the song I want to hear there so I recorded the sound of the subway passing by with my phone and put it in the beginning of the song. I originally wanted to title it ‘At Ttukseom’ but Bang Shihyuk PD-nim said it was unacceptable. (laughs) He said there was no way everyone else’s was ‘Lie’, ‘Stigma’ and only mine was ‘At Ttukseom’. People who listen to this song for the first time find it weird how Ttukseom came out of nowhere, but for me, putting it in the song is important. It started there and ended there.”

As BTS grows bigger, it’s slowly becoming more important to balance out with your personal life. “It’s really important. I don’t know if that’s why I go outside more often. If I’m too immersed in BTS only, I feel very empty. I would think ‘Is it real that I’m being loved?’ after I’m done performing or behind the stage. Maybe that’s why the only celebrity friend I meet outside of work is GOT7’s Jackson. Or Mot’s eAeon-hyung and (Kim) Yoonah-noona, I meet them sometimes too. Strangely, I don’t know whether it’s because of my image or it’s because people tend to either like or hate me, I don’t make any new friends in the entertainment world after debut. The ones whom I meet all the time are my high school friends. Meeting them and hearing them talking about enlisting and coming back or finding job make me happy. I often read newspapers and and watch news because, isn’t the world of BTS and our fans very solid? It’s like a way of trying to escape from it sometimes. I plan to adjust the balance of myself as a person and as a professional.”

What about as the leader of the team? “I have two thoughts, of where we should go next and of taking a little step back as a leader. There’s a part that I have to give ambition to the team. We have come this far, it’s time to make a choice. Will we settle down here, or will we run more? There’s a visible limit of until where we can run, but settling down is, rather than right or wrong, not cool in my standard. I think it has become my vocation. We need to see until where we can go, we need to pave the way, I told the members I hope they would think about that, and thankfully they all related to me. I don’t know where is the end but we need to finish.”

If there’s a role exclusively for Rap Monster, what is it? “Leading in official events and giving ambition to the team as I mentioned before, I consider these my roles. Actually, the other guys is better than me as an idol. Everyone has their own role so I think I’m taking a step back there. It doesn’t mean I won’t do it, I’m just working hard on what I do and trying not to dominate too much. It’s been 4 years since our debut, we have passed that stage. It’s good for the other members to show their talents too. We can no longer just blindly say ‘do it’, ‘let’s do it’ like before.”

Then what is Rap Monster’s topic or assignments in 2017? “The thing that keeps coming no matter how much we do is homework so… (laughs) Firstly, as team, it’s the tour. Should I say concerts and tour are like an assorted gift set to singers? It’s the final piece. We did many things for it. So right now, my biggest topic and also worry is how well I will do at the concerts and how much people will react to it. I have a lot of assignments for myself but the most important one is music. My work is reaching a plateau so I’m worried about how I should do next. I keep thinking in my head but maybe it’s because my body is too busy that my mind doesn’t move forward. Truthfully, I haven’t come up with an answer yet. I need to release many music in 2017 but, I don’t know. I’m a little scared, and I don’t know if I can meet up my standard.”

What do you think about when you need to overcome those times? “I think about how it feels when I look in our fans’ eyes at the concert. This person doesn’t eat today, doesn’t watch a movie today, they spent their time to come all the way here for us, I think. At the same time, it makes me feel I’m doing a significant work. It’s not something significant socially, but I’m surprised that we can share each other’s energy. There’s no way to perfectly realizing my childhood dream, but mostly I think in any way, my dream came true.”

[fywdh]

( TRANS ) 161230 — interview with heraldpop (part one)

translated by fy!wdh + originally from heraldpop by park ahreum please do not repost translations on tumblr and always credit page 712, or fywdh when posting elsewhere. please obtain permission before translating into other languages. click here for an alternate version with accompanying images.

“I [Woo Dohwan] still can’t believe that I worked with Lee Byeonghun and Kang Dongwon sunbaenim.”

There’s an eye-catching new rookie actor. He showed off an unusual presence as Kim Wansik, an employee of Dada Finance, in the recently finished KBS 2TV Mon-Tues drama 'The Man Living in Our House', and left a strong impression on viewers through the role of Snapback, who stands on President Jin's (Lee Byeonghun) side in the highly praised film 'Master' which is currently showing in theaters. 'He' is rookie actor, Woo Dohwan.

His name is unfamiliar [to the reporter]. It should be the same for you too, seeing as he only debuted this year, and 'The Man Living in Our House' and 'Master' are all that's on the filmography of his acting career. Woo Dohwan says that the number of people who recognize him increasing one by one is something that gives him, who is only just taking his first steps as an actor, more strength.

"If I'm [Woo Dohwan] at the cafe in front of my house, people ask me 'aren't you the person from the drama[s]?'. It's so embarrassing. Since this [acting] wasn't something that I started with becoming popular in mind, I'm very thankful to have someone recognize me and tell me that they're watching [his dramas] eagerly. I think about how 'I have to work even harder' because of the people who recognize me, press 'like' on my sns [instagram posts] or search my name [on portal sites]."

Coincidentally, Woo Dohwan took on villainous roles in both his first drama production and first challenge on the big screen leaving a strong impact [on viewers], and successfully wrapping up his induction [into the industry]. His actual personality is very different to Kim Wansik from 'The Man Living in Our House' who was brusque and cold [personality]. He [Woo Dohwan in real life] almost never fights with his friends because of his bright personality. On top of that, once you get to know him, he's actually a normal guy who likes coffee more than alcohol, keeps a journal, reads books and exercises. That's why he wanted to play the role of Kim Wansik even more.

"I [Woo Dohwan] filmed 'Master' before 'The Man Living in Our House', and the director told me that the reason why he cast me was because he was "looking for [someone]  young but with a sharp image". He said that he cast me while he was looking for someone who had a sharp contrast between when they smiled [laughed] and when they were straight faced. That's why I really wanted to play the role of Wansik in 'The Man Living in Our House' as well. Wansik has a side of him that seems light, but is heavy, and is light while seemingly appearing to be heavy. That probably made you think 'what is this kid?' when you watch him [and see how different he is when] dealing with Go Nangil (Kim Youngkwang), or Bae Byungwoo (Park Sangmyun), or Hong Nari (Soo Ae). I thought he [Wansik] was a charming character because of the feeling that I got. I thought of him not a villainous role, but as a character that was 'human' [relatable]. I think that's why I showed a lot of passion to show that I really wanted to play the part when I went to audition."

He was not 100% satisfied [with his acting], of course. It was also super awkward, since it was his first time seeing himself acting on TV.

"I felt that I was really lacking. I always caught the live broadcasts. If I couldn't watch it because of filming, I would either watch it through the app during the waiting time, or watch it at home - but I always disappointed. I felt like I was really lacking because it was my first time watching myself [on tv]. But still, I gained strength when I told myself [things like] 'let's do better on the next scene', or 'let's do better tomorrow' while I monitored [himself].

“Personally, I have more grievances about my acting than I do with my looks. I didn't think to myself that my acting was satisfactory. Even when I thought think that I did my best, there would be a great sense of regret after I monitored [his own acting]. Because of the great amount of disappointment [in his previous scenes], I think I came to obsess over the next scene even more, and thought more about how I have to express [his feelings] more clearly in the next scene and that I have to be more immersed in acting.”

Because it was his first time acting, there were several times when he made NG's. Woo Dohwan said "Mistakes? Of course I made them. I had NG's as well. But making NG's became a piece of cake [easy to get over]. Since I'm still a rookie, and because it's my first drama and film, it [causing an NG] felt like I was doing something really bad. But when I made an NG, the sunbaenims and directors would encourage me, telling me that it was okay, and gave me advice - which made me feel like we were a family. They all [treated him in a way that] allowed me to do better, and didn't give me any sort of pressure. Despite the fact that I'm a rookie, the director would always ask me 'how do you want to do it?', and was very considerate of me" recalling the memories of when they were filming.

Even though he had a bromance with Kim Youngkwang in 'The Man Living in Our House', he didn't have any love lines with female actresses. About this, he [Woo Dohwan] said "I would like to try it [having a love line] if I get the chance. But I'm not picky with things like genres. Right now, I just want to experience more [things]. Whether that be love lines, but [acting in a] bromance was really fun as well. Regardless of genre, I just want to experience a variety of things. If I get the chance I would like to challenge romance comedies as well" revealing his desire for a love line. We asked about [what if he] working with his university senior, actor Park Boyoung, Woo Dohwan smiled brightly saying that "It would be a huge honor, of course".

Romance is romance, but bromance was one of many subjects that aspiring actor Woo Dohwan wanted to conquer. We asked him who he wanted to work with.

“I haven't decided who in particular I want to film a bromance with. Like how it was with (Kim) Youngkwang hyung, I want to work with a lot of seniors while [he is persuing] acting. It was honestly really great when I worked with Youngkwang hyung. He took care of me, and we talked a lot. I don't think I've set anyone in particular in mind because I'm curious as to how other senior actors approach acting."

Action is also another thing that Woo Dohwan wants to challenge. Having enjoyed sports since he was young, he, who has experience in soccer, boxing, and swimming etc said that "I attended action school for a bit when I was 21 years old. If I get the chance, I definitely want to try action. [Only] When I will be able to do well. I really like the gratifying and thrilling feeling from action films and dramas.”

Woo Dohwan is a rookie actor with quite a lot of 'luck for actors'. That's because he worked with top stars like Soo Ae, Lee Byeonghun, Kang Dongwon, Kim Woobin etc right from his first production.

About this, he [Woo Dohwan] started by saying that "It was really nice. They're all senior actors that I really like. They are people that I always looked up to even before I started acting" and mentioned Soo Ae first, saying "Soo Ae sunbaenim is really amazing. She's really beautiful, and her acting is [so amazing] to the point where nothing needs to be said. She's someone that I've always thought of as the ideal [example] for any actor. Whether it's her pronunciation, diction or delivery, Soo Ae sunbaenim is really the best. I think she really makes you understand why pronunciation is so important for actors."

Regarding his appearance in 'Master', he [Woo Dohwan] relayed, "We went to Manila, Philippines to film 'Master'. Since it was my first time overseas, I even made a passport. That's why every day we filmed for 'Master' was always something special to me. Being in the same space as those sunbaenims in itself was like a miracle, and unbelievable. I was still in disbelief during the last VIP screening. To think that I appeared in a movie with the best senior actors, the sunbaenims who I had only been looking up to. I was also always learning on set. Everything from how they [his seniors] dealt with being on set, how they approached acting, to how they looked after staff members was something to learn from."

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[ENG TRANS] 170710 Kim Donghan's Interview with SE

Q: First of all, we would like to hear your feelings after ending Produce 101. Donghan: Even before making my debut, I’m already receiving lots of attention, thus I’m thankful for that. Every day is a happy moment. It’s fascinating to see myself being called to multiple places (for interviews, shoots etc.) and I think that it’s an extremely good opportunity for me. The amount of people who recognise me when I walk on the streets have increased, and it’s still fascinating to hear my voice in the songs that gets played in the streets.

Q: Is there any special reason why you joined Produce 101? Donghan: I heard from my company that there were offers to participate in the program. I really enjoyed watching Season 1, so I thought of it as a good opportunity for myself.

Q: Produce 101 Season 2 had a really high popularity. Now that everything has ended, are there any regrets? Donghan: It’ll be a lie to say that there’s none. Personally, I feel like that there are regrets, during filming, there were times where I wanted to do this and that. Since there’s a lot of regrets, I would just like to start it all over again from the beginning to the end. [Laughs] If I were able to do it again, I’d do better than I am doing now, and I want to receive an A rank from the beginning. If I were to receive an A rank, wouldn’t I be able to get more screen time than I have now?

Q: Screen time is another issue, but wasn’t it regretful that Shape of You, the stage that received the first encore in Season 2, wasn’t shown properly? Even your own individual part was captured as a full shot and wasn’t shown properly. Donghan: We (the team members) thought that it was a pity regarding the camera working and things like that. Actually, before going on stage, we were shown something that was filmed, and it came out really well so we thought “it’ll be good if (our performance) comes out like this”, and did the stage. Even receiving an encore shout from the audience, our team members were all having high expectations. But the camera editing didn’t come out as well as we expected. For example, when it was trainee A’s part, trainee B was filmed, and there were many parts where the audience was filmed instead. Of course, the audience’s reaction is important too, but being able to focus on the performance is more important, isn’t it? Thus I feel like that was a pity. Even after the broadcast, we heard stuff like “Why did this receive an encore?” from the viewers, so I was really upset then. I felt worse as compared to when I was 78th place.

Q: Although without much screen time, you passed the cutline for the 2nd ranking announcement. You must’ve felt both happy and sad at the same time. Donghan: Rather than feeling happy, I just felt sad. There are many trainees I was close with, so it was upsetting that half was going to be eliminated and only half could survive. Especially the “Shape of You” members, each and everyone of us worked hard, to the point where we even received an encore call, so I was slightly angry that only half of us could survived, it felt unfair. I cried when I survived at the cutline of the 2nd ranking announcement, but rather than crying because I was happy, I cried because I felt sad to separate with the trainees who’ve I bonded with.

Q. ‘Produce 101 Season 2’ was when lots of emotions were conveyed. When do you think was the most decisive moment of Produce 101 to you? Donghan: I think it would be during the 1st group evaluation where I performed “Call Me Baby”. I was able to let national producers know of my existence when I became the center for “Call Me Baby”. At that time, I didn’t have much screentime, but thankfully, just by watching my performance videos, I was able to rise in ranks. I was in the 78th place before that, but the “Call Me Baby” stage helped me survive elimination from the 1st ranking announcement. So I remember that moment most from Produce 101.

Q. Was there a trainee you remember most? Donghan: Park Sungwoo hyung-ie, who did “Shape of You” together with me. As you might know, Sungwoo hyung is lacking in dance, so because of that, he wanted to show national producers a new image of him so he chose the dance position. But it didn’t go as well as he wanted to, so he practiced till late at night. So I stayed beside him and helped him, and in return, he would give me ramyeon. [Laughs] I wanted to eat ramyeon, but there wasn’t any hot water. And at that time, Ong Seongwoo hyung-ie brought a coffee pot (to the dorm), so I wanted to go and borrow it from him but…

Q. Was that when the hidden camera happened? Donghan: Yes. Actually, the “Get Ugly” team did a lot of hidden cameras. Not only to me but to other trainees as well, but among all of it, I guess mine was the biggest. I talked about it once during the fanmeeting, Sunghyuk-ie brought me there and I entered the room together eith Jungjung-ie hyung. I thought the atmosphere was weird so I wanted to leave the room, but suddenly Seongwoo hyung-ie said “Did you come here to play?” I was scared so I said “No”, but Sunghyuk-ie said “Yes, we came here to play”. So I felt like we were in big trouble, and Jungjung-ie hyung’s Korean pronunciation is slightly poor, so he said “Goodbye” in a funny pronunciation, and everyone burst out in laughter then. That’s how it ended. Seongwoo hyung who had been enduring it until then also suddenly said “I came here to play too”. After that, I was told to bring in other scapegoats, and so while thinking that “I can’t be the only one to get tricked”, I went to bring others to the “Get Ugly” team room.

Q. Seems like a lot of trainees were tricked by the “Get Ugly” team, why was that so? Donghan: Seongwoo hyung-ie is really good in acting. The conflict was between Samuel and Jihoon-ie and Seongwoo hyung and Daniel hyung. And honestly, I suspected something was wrong because Jihoon-ie’s acting was slightly over, but as I said earlier, because Seongwoo hyung-ie’s acting was originally good, there’s no way we wouldn’t get tricked. Not only that, Daniel hyung’s acting was serious too.

Q. Is there no “behind story” during the dorm life? Donghan: Rather than a behind story, everyone didn’t really care about the cameras. It was to the point where we were all like Tarzan. So only male PDs watch our dorm life clips.

Q. Since it’s a dorm life with guys only, there must’ve been some uncomfortable stuffs. Donghan: There wasn’t any difference. Everyone had good manners. Among them, there are people who didn’t wash up, but I won’t say who it is to protect their privacy.

Q. Even 'secrets’ are supposed to be shared. Who was those members? Donghan: I’m someone with loyalty. I will definitely not say it. [Laughs] Ah, I can tell who’s the cleanest member. Minhyun-ie hyung is really clean. There was once where Minhyun-ie hyung and other members slept in one room, and that room was extremely well-kept.

Q. You’re generally close with everyone, but among them, was there a trainee that you were especially close to? Donghan: I am really close in general to everyone. But as many may know, I’m close to Park Jihoon who was in the same B class as me. I’m also close to Samuel, Taehyun-ie hyung and Hyunbin-ie hyung. I’m also close to all the JBJ hyungs, and also close to Moonbok-ie hyung who I shared many stages with. As for Moonbok-ie hyung, his skills improved when compared to his “Call Me Baby” stage, it was extremely surprising, so I remembered that. Before performing, there’s a waiting time, so each of us when to each other’s room to play and joke around a lot so everyone’s close to each other. Even up until now, I’m still contacting some of them.

Q. Wanna One was formed through Produce 101. Among the 11 members, is there a member who caught your attention the most? Donghan: During the first company evaluation, we saw their performance directly with our own eyes. At that time and now too, Daehwi is the one who caught my attetion the most. He’s really good. While watching Daehwi’s performance, I thought “That trainee will definitely do well”.

Q. We heard that you are qualified enough to be a Hapkido coach. What made you change your dream to be a singer instead? Donghan: I learned Hapkido since I was 6 until 1st year of middle school. In middle school, I even taught people older than me/adults. Since I did Hapkido for a long time, I wanted to continue doing it, but I had a big injury while practicing. So I couldn’t continue doing Hapkido anymore, so I fell into a slight slump. I was told to focus on studies then, but I fell into dancing after. [Laughs] But dancing didn’t really solve my Hapkido slump. I still had a period of school between when I stopped Hapkido and when I started dancing. It was during my 1st year of high school (when I started dancing). My brother who did Hapkido together with me previously did B-boying as well, so he introduced me to dance. At first, I really couldn’t dance at all, but I found it fun so I just continued dancing. And just like that, by doing it for a long time, I think my skills improved a lot. [Laughs]

Q. What kind of singer do you want to be? Donghan: I want to be a group who’s popular among males. Because I was in a dance team, cool teams always catches my attention. With a cool choreography and cool song, I want to be (in) that kind of group. I really like BTS. Not long ago, fans gave me their CD as a birthday present, I’m putting it to great use. [Laughs]

Q. Do you not have an ideal type? Donghan: I don’t have a specific type. Actually, I don’t really know because I’m not that experienced. Honestly, rather than having interest on the opposite gender (or relationships in general) for now, I find dancing and practising more fun.

Q. Lastly, words you want to say? Donghan: To the fans, I really love you. + http://m.entertain.naver.com/read?oid=011&aid=0003067998 + Translated by kimsdonghan on Twitter. May contain inaccuracies or rephrased for a better understanding. + Do not repost without credits, DM me first if re-translating to another language.