#that being said this function can still be triggered without them using their powers at all if they just simply get too emotional

[nolongeronlyhereforthewhispangle]

Here we are, folks. After 5 years, Madness Combat 12 is finally out. Now, let’s deconstruct it.

Spoilers for MadCom 12 below (duh)

The opening. Now, there are some things I would like to highlight.

ONE: Nevada is labelled as “The Occurant”. This will be important later.

TWO: The text on the side.

“THE PLACE THAT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE” “THE INFINITE ENTROPY AT ALL BORDERS TAX THE HIGHER POWERS THAT GOVERN IT”

Entropy means “lack of order or predictability”. The sheer amount of chaos is literally tearing reality apart.

I just like this shot. The depth in it, vast, but empty. Eerily beautiful.

“TRACKER DATA ACTIVE” “HANK.” “DISSONANT;” “0.01%”

On Doc’s computer. Why is 2BDamned doing this? We’ll find out soon enough. It should be noted that the “Dissonance Triggers” almost look like X, Y, and Z coordinates.

“HANK’S CHARTER HAS BEEN REVOKED” “Fix Nevada.” “DO NOT WAIVER”

A charter is defined as “a written grant by a country's legislative or sovereign power, by which a body such as a company, college, or city is founded and its rights and privileges defined.”

Perhaps the “charter” here is Hank’s soul? His being? We don’t know for sure.

Waiver means “refrain from applying or enforcing”.

The Auditor, in this scene, is basically saying “Hank is not active, and I need to make sure it stays that way.”

This graffiti probably means nothing, but I think it might be describing Sanford. So far, he has not died once in the entire series.

Agony. The text to the right mentions the Auditor, “recovery”, and “suppliment”. I have no idea what this could mean, maybe our red-and-black boy is trying to copy what 2BD does, but in the opposite direction?

Auditor, but without the fiery parts.

Mind fuckery. Note that he tries a “CONVERT”, as well as doing multipe return commands. It also points out, again, how Sanford is NOT DEAD, NOR HAS HE DIED BEFORE.

No hope for those trapped, I suppose.

This looks like the tree from MadCom 1. Nice callback.

I’ll let this speak for itself (refer back to TRACKER DATA ACTIVE).

The text says:

“KILL THEM”

And this is where we see Sanford lose his eyes, although he can still apparently see somehow.

A better look at Sanford overall. He still has that iconic lip, but he is missing parts of his body and his eyes to a mysterious black spot that also functions like a hole in some cases.

This is one of the defining moments of the episode (to me, at least). Sanford, seemingly overtaken by rage, randomly gains the strength to tear a half-MAG agent’s head off their body.

This might be just there for the cool factor, or maybe some other power acted on Sanford in that moment. With the info we have, we can’t really tell.

Here we see an anchor, like the one used on Dedmos in the Dedmos mini-series.

“Employic”, according to my research, is not a word in the English language.

Substrata is “an underlying layer or substance, in particular a layer of rock or soil beneath the surface of the ground.”

This purgatory is apparently underground, which would make sense given that we only see passages to it connected to walls or floors.

The Auditor looking shocked as he is trapped in a capsule of rock. With context clues, we could make a conclusion that this is the same type of “purgatory rock” that now makes up Deimos’s lower jaw.

Hank is connected to a machine.

Sanford has somehow been resurrected, even though he still HAS NOT BEEN KILLED.

The Auditor specifically calls out 2BD. He’s onto Doc’s shit.

Another picture of the tablet screen, shortly after Deimos drops it. We can be certain that “AUD” is referring to the Auditor.

Love wins. What else can I really mention if even Krinkels said it himself.

Deimos was “compensated”. Surprised anything still even has value around Nevada anymore. Maybe bullets do, actually.

Sanford has to return as soon as possible for a “deathless resurrection evaluation”. Wonder what that would even look like.

Hank’s icon, showing up for quite a short period of time before the screen fills with “ERROR” messages. He looks distressed.

Whatever could “OCCURANT LINES ARE CONVERGING” mean?

Well, we know that Nevada was labelled as “The Occurant” earlier.

(You might not be able to read this text in this screenshot with Tumblr image compression, I don’t know.)

————————————————————————

Finally, I have some info that isn’t necessarily what happened in the animation, but could help with understanding it. As this is already getting long enough, I’ll leave it with a short blurb.

The definition of the title word.

The description of the episode on the Newgrounds site.

————————————————————————

Even without looking at it in-depth, Madness Combat: Contravention was a masterpiece of animation. It was fluid, the characters were expressive, and the visuals were stunning. Big props to Krinkels, Cheshyre, Cturix (did the sound effects), and Tarkade (made the backgrounds) for creating the most entertaining 8 minutes of my life.

————————————————————————

Thoughts? Theories? Something I missed? Share it in the reblogs! After all, what is this fandom without the community we’ve formed!

[thewriteadviceforwriters]

Master Dialogue Writing Techniques for Engaging Fiction (For Writers)

(Beware, long post!)

As fiction writers, we all know that effective dialogue is essential for bringing our stories and characters to life. After all, the way our protagonists, antagonists, and supporting players speak to one another is one of the primary ways readers get to know them on a deep, intimate level. Dialogue reveals personality, uncovers motivation, and propels the narrative forward in a way that felt narration simply can't match.

But nailing natural, compelling dialogue is easier said than done. It's a craft that takes serious skill to master, requiring writers to have a keen ear for authentic speech patterns, a nimble handle on subtext and implication, and the ability to strike that delicate balance between being true to real-world conversation while also keeping things snappy, dynamic, and laser-focused on the story at hand.

If you're someone who struggles with crafting dialogue that truly sings, never fear. In this in-depth guide, I'm going to dive deep into the techniques and best practices that will help you elevate your dialogue writing to new heights. By the end, you'll have a toolbox full of strategies to ensure that every exchange between your characters is as gripping, revealing, and unforgettable as possible.

The Fundamentals of Effective Dialogue

Before we get into the more advanced nuances of dialogue writing, let's start by covering some of the foundational principles that all great fictional conversations are built upon:

Reveal Character One of the primary functions of dialogue is to give readers a window into who your characters are as people. The way they speak — their word choices, their tone, their body language, their turns of phrase — should provide vivid insight into their personalities, backgrounds, values, quirks, and emotional states.

Think about how much you can glean about someone just from how they communicate in real life. Do they use a lot of slang and shorthand? Are they verbose and flowery with their language? Do they struggle to make eye contact or fail to respond directly to questions? All of these subtle linguistic cues are powerful tools for crafting multi-dimensional characters.

Drive the Plot Forward While revelations about character are crucial, you also want to ensure that your dialogue is constantly pushing the story itself forward. Each exchange should feel purposeful, moving the narrative along by introducing new information, triggering plot points, creating conflict, or prompting characters to make pivotal decisions.

Dialogue that feels aimless or extraneous will ultimately bore readers and detract from the forward momentum of your story. Every line should have a clear intent or function, whether it's uncovering a hidden truth, setting up a future complication, or escalating the tension in a high-stakes moment.

Establish Distinct Voices In a story featuring multiple characters, it's crucial that each person has a clearly defined and differentiated way of speaking. Readers should be able to tell who's talking just from the rhythm, diction, and personality of the dialogue, without any additional context clues.

This doesn't mean every character has to have an over-the-top, hyper-stylized way of communicating. In fact, the most effective character voices often feel grounded and natural. But there should still be distinct markers — whether it's word choice, sentence structure, tone, or speech patterns — that make each person's voice instantly recognizable.

Convey Subtext While the literal words being spoken are important, great dialogue also traffics heavily in subtext — the unspoken emotional undercurrents, power dynamics, and hidden agendas that simmer beneath the surface of a conversation.

The most compelling exchanges happen when characters are communicating on multiple levels simultaneously. Perhaps they're saying one thing out loud while their body language and tone convey a completely different sentiment. Or maybe they're engaged in a subtle war of wits, trading verbal jabs that reveal deeper wells of resentment, attraction, or vulnerability.

Mastering the art of subtext is key to creating dialogue that feels layered, lifelike, and imbued with dramatic tension.

Strategies for Writing Snappy, Realistic Dialogue

Now that we've covered the foundational principles, let's dive into some specific techniques and best practices that will take your dialogue writing to the next level:

Omit Unnecessary Details One of the biggest mistakes many writers make with dialogue is bogging it down with too much extraneous information. In real life, people rarely speak in perfectly composed, grammatically correct full sentences. We stumble over our words, interrupt each other, trail off mid-thought, and pack our speech with filler words like "um," "uh," and "you know."

While you don't want to go overboard with mimicking that messiness, you should aim to strip your dialogue of any overly formal or expository language. Stick to the essentials — the core thoughts, feelings, and information being exchanged — and let the subtext and character voices do the heavy lifting. Your readers will fill in the gaps and appreciate the authenticity.

Master the Art of Subtext As mentioned earlier, crafting dialogue that's rich in subtext is one of the keys to making it feel gripping and lifelike. Think about how much is often left unsaid in real-world conversations, with people dancing around sensitive topics, conveying hidden agendas, or engaging in subtle power struggles.

To layer that sense of unspoken tension into your own dialogue, consider techniques like:

• Having characters contradict themselves or say one thing while their body language says another

• Utilizing loaded pauses, interruptions, and moments of uncomfortable silence

• Injecting subtle sarcasm, skepticism, or implication into a character's word choices

• Allowing characters to talk past each other, missing the unspoken point of what the other person is really saying

The more you can imbue your dialogue with that layered, emotionally-charged subtext, the more it will resonate with readers on a deeper level.

Establish Distinct Voices As mentioned earlier, ensuring that each of your characters has a clearly defined and differentiated speaking voice is crucial for great dialogue. But how exactly do you go about accomplishing that?

One effective strategy is to give each person a unique set of verbal tics, idioms, or speech patterns. Maybe one character is prone to long-winded, flowery metaphors, while another speaks in clipped, efficiency-minded sentences. Perhaps your protagonist has a habit of ending statements with questioning upticks, while the sarcastic best friend always punctuates their barbs with an eye roll.

You can also play with differences in diction, syntax, and even accent/dialect to further distinguish how your characters communicate. The key is to really get to know the unique personality, background, and psychology of each person — then let those elements shine through in how they express themselves.

Lean Into Conflict and Confrontation When it comes to crafting gripping dialogue, conflict is your friend. The most compelling exchanges often arise from characters butting heads, engaging in verbal sparring matches, or working through deep-seated tensions and disagreements.

Conflict allows you to showcase the high stakes, unresolved needs, and deeper emotional currents that are driving your characters. It forces them to make bold choices, reveals aspects of their personalities that might not otherwise surface, and generates the kind of dramatic tension that will really hook your readers.

Of course, you'll want to avoid making every single dialogue scene a full-blown argument. But learning to sprinkle in well-placed moments of friction, confrontation, and clashing agendas is a surefire way to elevate the energy and impact of your character interactions.

Read Your Dialogue Out Loud One of the most valuable tricks for ensuring your dialogue sounds natural and lifelike is to read it aloud as you're writing. Hearing the words out loud will quickly expose any clunky phrasing, overly formal grammar, or inauthentic rhythms that would otherwise go unnoticed on the page.

Pay close attention to how the dialogue rolls off your tongue. Does it have a smooth, conversational flow? Or does it feel stilted and unnatural? Are your characters' unique voices shining through clearly? Are there any spots where the back-and-forth starts to drag or feel repetitive?

Actively listening to your dialogue — and making adjustments based on how it sounds in the real world — is an essential part of the writing process. It's one of the best ways to refine and polish those character interactions until they feel truly alive.

Hopefully, this can help you all!

The key is to always keep your focus on authenticity. Ask yourself: how would real people actually speak?

Hey fellow writers! I'm super excited to share that I've just launched a Tumblr community. I'm inviting all of you to join my community. All you have to do is fill out this Google form, and I'll personally send you an invitation to join the Write Right Society on Tumblr! Can't wait to see your posts!

[phoenixyfriend]

AU where Xanatos is "redeemed by the power of cute," but it's actually a psychological whammy caused by Obi-Wan being supernaturally adorable as a species-specific juvenile defense mechanism, and is functionally immediate brainwashing by the 13yo who doesn't know that's what he's doing.

Tbh this is mostly just Defense Mechanism that makes Xanatos harmless, but in a way everyone finds very concerning and uncomfortable because it's kind of mind control.

Someone (@dracothulhu) asked if it was related to Mimic Spider AU, and it is not! Mimic spider AU is just "ohhhh you wanna fuck me so b--PSYCH! EATING YOU."

This is more "I'm a little baby, I'm SUCH a little baby, you don't want to hurt me, you could never hurt me, I'm so adorable I'm so cute doesn't it just kill you to think about hurting me?"

Mimic spider AU is just Hot and Confident. This is straight up Mind Whammie.

@threebea also thought brood parasitism, and offered:

I'm trying to figure out a reason for the Stewjoni to have like brood parasitism where they will stick their young with other families for awhile before picking them up Used to do it to Mandoalorians all the time, and it's part of the reason the Mandalorian adopt anything stereotype got so strong. Stewjoni looking at Jedi: those seem parent shaped here you go

Which is great, except I actually started with the idea of it being kind of the inverse!

(That said, I won't actually say no to the brood parasitism option.)

Xanatos: had been about to kidnap and put him on a deep sea mine now is feeding him pudding Is it he's acting normal but doing weird things or is he suddenly talking to Obi-Wan like he's an adorable puppy

He's kind of zoned out.

Xanatos: look at him so cute Omg Obi-Wan: standing there Xanatos: kriff I don't have a camera - also from threebea

Also cuddles! Which Obi-Wan actually Does Not Want. But if he's Very Very Still then maybe Qui-Gon will find him and fix this.

Like if a tiger held and groomed you and you just were waiting Very Still for the zookeeper to distract it and/or load up the tranq.

After the days he's had he'd perhaps like a cuddle but not from this guy Lol Xanatos: so soft The effect only works on humans and near humans so it didn't work on the hutt and (can't remember the other species) on the ship

We can say it works through the Force and that's why the Hutt is immune.

"Stewjoni are targets of slavers" but specifically for illegal adoptions. It's lucrative, because most bounty hunters last about twenty seconds before they give the crying baby back where it wants to go.

And most of the immune ones get caught by planetary defense forces.

So if you CAN steal a baby, the profit margin is insane, since it's so damn hard to do, but the baby up for illegal adoption is sooooo cute.

(…this concept would be hilarious with one of those "Tor adopts baby Ben Kenobi to turn into a weapon" AUs. Still a shitty childhood bc Death Watch can justify a lot under the umbrella of Teaching Self-Defense. But interesting.)

IF YOU HAVE READ TWILIGHT: do you remember the bit about vampire babies being so cute that people would let them slaughter entire villages without a qualm?

It's like that, except Obi-Wan doesn't have dreams of mass slaughter and it only really activates as a Threat Response.

I guess the evolutionary trigger is it's kind of a paralytic You can't move far from where you stole the kid

Which is exactly right!

[maaarine]

The Troubling Trend in Teenage Sex (Peggy Orenstein, The New York Times, April 12 2024)

"For the past four years, Dr. Herbenick has been tracking the rapid rise of “rough sex” among college students, particularly sexual strangulation, or what is colloquially referred to as choking.

Nearly two-thirds of women in her most recent campus-representative survey of 5,000 students at an anonymized “major Midwestern university” said a partner had choked them during sex (one-third in their most recent encounter).

The rate of those women who said they were between the ages 12 and 17 the first time that happened had shot up to 40 percent from one in four. (…)

Twenty years ago, sexual asphyxiation appears to have been unusual among any demographic, let alone young people who were new to sex and iffy at communication.

That’s changed radically in a short time, with health consequences that parents, educators, medical professionals, sexual consent advocates and teens themselves urgently need to understand.

Sexual trends can spread quickly on campus and, to an extent, in every direction.

But, at least among straight kids, I’ve sometimes noticed a pattern: Those that involve basic physical gratification — like receiving oral sex in hookups — tend to favor men.

Those that might entail pain or submission, like choking, are generally more for women.

So, while undergrads of all genders and sexualities in Dr. Herbenick’s surveys report both choking and being choked, straight and bisexual young women are far more likely to have been the subjects of the behavior; the gap widens with greater occurrences.

(In a separate study, Dr. Herbenick and her colleagues found the behavior repeated across the United States, particularly for adults under 40, and not just among college students.)

Alcohol may well be involved, and while the act is often engaged in with a steady partner, a quarter of young women said partners they’d had sex with on the day they’d met also choked them.

Either way, most say that their partners never or only sometimes asked before grabbing their necks.

For many, there had been moments when they couldn’t breathe or speak, compromising the ability to withdraw consent, if they’d given it.

No wonder that, in a separate study by Dr. Herbenick, choking was among the most frequently listed sex acts young women said had scared them, reporting that it sometimes made them worry whether they’d survive.

Among girls and women I’ve spoken with, many did not want or like to be sexually strangled, though in an otherwise desired encounter they didn’t name it as assault.

Still, a sizable number were enthusiastic; they requested it. It is exciting to feel so vulnerable, a college junior explained.

The power dynamic turns her on; oxygen deprivation to the brain can trigger euphoria.

That same young woman, incidentally, had never climaxed with a partner: While the prevalence of choking has skyrocketed, rates of orgasm among young women have not increased, nor has the “orgasm gap” disappeared among heterosexual couples.

“It indicates they’re not doing other things to enhance female arousal or pleasure,” Dr. Herbenick said.

When, for instance, she asked one male student who said he choked his partner whether he’d ever tried using a vibrator instead, he recoiled. “Why would I do that?” he asked.

Perhaps, she responded, because it would be more likely to produce orgasm without risking, you know, death.

In my interviews, college students have seen male orgasm as a given; women’s is nice if it happens, but certainly not expected or necessarily prioritized (by either partner).

It makes sense, then, that fulfillment would be less the motivator for choking than appearing adventurous or kinky. Such performances don’t always feel good. (…)

Now consider that every year Dr. Herbenick has done her survey, the number of females reporting extreme effects from strangulation (neck swelling, loss of consciousness, losing control of urinary function) has crept up.

Among those who’ve been choked, the rate of becoming what students call “cloudy” — close to passing out, but not crossing the line — is now one in five, a huge proportion.

All of this indicates partners are pressing on necks longer and harder.

The physical, cognitive and psychological impacts of sexual choking are disturbing.

So is the idea that at a time when women’s social, economic, educational and political power are in ascent (even if some of those rights may be in jeopardy), when #MeToo has made progress against harassment and assault, there has been the popularization of a sex act that can damage our brains, impair intellectual functioning, undermine mental health, even kill us.

Nonfatal strangulation, one of the most significant indicators that a man will murder his female partner (strangulation is also one of the most common methods used for doing so), has somehow been eroticized and made consensual, at least consensual enough.

Yet, the outcomes are largely the same: Women’s brains and bodies don’t distinguish whether they are being harmed out of hate or out of love."

[kookie-doughs]

Maybe Hero

Hawks / Keigo Takami X Reader

-Y/N L/N a UA’s 1st year Department of Support was mistaken by the No. 2 hero as a hero.

Chapter 1: Robots and Swords

Previous | Masterlist | Next

Your quirk is Technokinesis

There's a lot to unpack in this quirk, you'll just learn more about it through out the story or you can look it up online I'm probably goinf to follow what it says there to keep the character from being too OP

You can have the ability to create a machine if you have the blueprint in your mind and the materials in front of you. Mei doesn't want you to try the suit because your quirk optimises to you and prevents any malfunction thus the blue print would be altered without knowing what went wrong.

The optimise only works if youre in contact with the said machine. When contact is lost, the machine would revert back to it unoptimised version.

Example you connected the wrong wires, it could cause an explosion when touched the wires correct themselves, when untouched it unconnects. Even if in battle when youre firing left and right it will explode when contact is lost.

You can manipulate any data and equipment with a look but only to some degree, your power works best if you hold it, which triggers the "fix everything when touched" part of your quirk so its difficult to adjust in between. You can also analyse any equipment or such but it only gives off surface level information, once again deep analysis work when in contact. Your analysis only gives about the machine, such as function, who, when, where it was made and whether its faulty. Deep analysis gives all the materials used and their function, if you inspect a faulty one it shows those despite the machine working fine as is.

Only minor altercations can be done by sight. Changing the street light from red to green or changing your scores in arcades or make the claw hold the toy tighter. In fight lets say Katsuki is supposed to explode using this gauntlet, you can prevent that one click once because you do have a cool down so if he barrages you with it you can stop about 25% of his attacks.

A big altercation you can do is when holding the equipment you can disable it. Lets say youre playing in the arcade, you hold the claw machine you can shut down the entire mall as theyre all connected. You can also stop anything motor powered.

You can feel every equipment around 30 meters when you focus. If something is faulty to the point of danger you are alerted and you have to figure out whats wrong. It doesn't say what's wrong.

When you have the blueprint and the function in mind you can restore, repair and return any broken or damaged non-living object to its optimal state no matter how long it has been broken or how damaged it was.

Most importantly, you can move your consciousness to an equipment, machine or any of sort when your body fails(passive) or on command as long as your body is within 20 meters. Your body would be locked in a cylinder shield to prevent damage. You can stay in another body for 5 minutes max. You can not possess the equipment causing you danger(unless it was passively activated and its the only thing around). You can move your consciousness every 12 hours.

I almost forgot to say this you can not mess with someone else's quirk. You cant turn off the charger if its plugged on Denki. But if Overhaul or Tomura breaks a computer you can bring it back if you know the necessary information about it, you can not deep analyse a computer that broken down but you can still surface analyse it.

Mei and you work together a lot she's often the one making blue prints and you create the blueprints so she can adjust them. It gives her more time to hone her creations. She may be better at making them but you're not that far behind.

Shinsou has been your friend since a child as you were the only one unafraid of him, because he cant penetrate your mind easily, because you always move your consciousness passively when he tries.

Im sorry if the explanation is bad or its too overpowered but yeah thats your quirk for this story. I'll try to adjust the quirk to be less overpowered.

-kookiedoughs

Taglist?

@gayer-than-the-gayest-gay @applepie-macaroon @nykie-love-anime @qardasngan

[alovelyburn]

i swear you and bthump are the best people to go to when to comes to berserk stuff

you guys just have such a great grasp on the story and really expose the ridiculousness of the western fanbase

The sad thing is, I can't even be proud of that because 90% of it is literally just reading the story (and interviews) without jumping through 15 hoops trying to explain to myself that everything characters (or Miura) said or did means the opposite of what they said or did.

Being in Western Berserk fandom is wild, it's like.....

Griffith: When I think about the dream and Guts, he is definitely more appealing. In fact he just made me forget my dream completely. Fans: He's saying that Guts is only a tool to him and he's only important because he's the best way to the dream.

Griffith: Do you think responding to royalty repeatedly trying to murder me by killing them first makes me a horrible person? Guts: LOL what, who even cares about murder, it's fine, you're fine, what a silly question honestly. Fans: Look at that fucking asshole Griffith what a sociopath. Poor Guts is such a kind-hearted gentleman.

Casca: WTF Griffith you let him do whatever he wants and don't even punish him when he does crazy things Fans: Griffith's so abusive to Guts.

Griffith: loses the most important person to him - eclipse doesn't trigger. falls into a deep depression - eclipse doesn't trigger. massively self-destructs - eclipse doesn't trigger. has a post-sex mental breakdown - eclipse doesn't trigger gets tortured for a year to the point where his body barely functions and his tongue is being used as a torturer's necklace - eclipse doesn't trigger. gets treated like a pile of baggage and a burden by the people he literally prostituted himself to support - eclipse doesn't trigger. overhears that the most important person to him is leaving AGAIN - freaks out, but eclipse doesn't trigger. hallucinates a nightmare of being a doll kept as a pseudo husband by the subordinate who always had a crush on him - eclipse doesn't trigger literally tries to kill himself - eclipse still doesn't trigger confronted by his completely hopeless feelings about a guy who keeps abandoning him - eclipse triggers, offered a sacrifice, just kinda sits there has his mind invaded by demon lords who use every doubt, insecurity, guilt pang and self-hating thought he ever had against him - still doesn't accept the sacrifice. reminded that if he stops he's wasted all the lives that he's been living to justify accidentally ending - bursts into tears, falls to his knees and repeatedly apologizes but still doesnt' accept the sacrifice has the specific words of the one person he loves most used against him by making it sound like that person would approve of him accepting the sacrifice - cracks but still hesitates told that the sacrifices will forgive him since that's what they're there for anyway - accepts the sacrifice Fans: He literally doesnt care, he would have said yes ANY TIME, like if the Godhand waltzed up to him when he was literally sitting on the throne, he would've been like, FUCK YEAH GIMME THE POWER, KILL EVERYONE! because only cares about himself and power.

The Actual Worldbuilding: Sacrifices only work if you love the sacrifice so much that losing them is like losing a piece of yourself. Fans: Obviously you don't need to care about people to sacrifice them because Griffith sacrificed the Hawks, who he didn't care about.

M E A N W H I L E

Guts: Ignores the eclipse as it butchers his friends in order to repeatedly try to save Griffith. Then jumps down and wanders around trying to save literally anyone. Fans (AND THE DARK HORSE SYNOPSES): Guts' primary concern during the Eclipse was saving Casca, he made a beeline for her like, tunnel vision whoa.

S O M E T I M E L A T E R

Guts' subconscious: Why don't you just abandon her? Better yet, rape and murder her so you can be more like Griffith and be closer to him and twirl yourself around him like a vine. Guts: [LITERALLY SEXUALLY ASSAULTS HER WHILE FANTASIZING ABOUT MURDERING HER SO HE CAN BE CLOSER TO GRIFFITH] Fans: Guts loves Casca more than anything in the world, shes all he cares about.

Guts: When I see him I'll ....... Puck: Man, when Guts thinks about this Hawk guy, he gets so mad, but also his feelings are super complicated. Guts: When I saw Griffith there, I totally lost my desire to kill him. Also Guts: What do you mean you don't feel anything, come on feel something [poke poke poke] Hey wait where are you going?! Guts: This sucks just as much as when I left the Hawks, except this time I'm the one getting dumped. :/ Also Guts: Anyway I should drop Casca on Elfhelm and then find Griffith and......................... Berserk Guidebook: Guts' feelings about Griffith include bitter hatred and an unending stream of other complicated feelings. Also Guts: Anyway so, when I see him I'll ....... Fans: Guts just hates Griffith so much and nothing else. It's just hate. He wants Griffith dead so much like its even more extreme than the normal wanting someone dead. SO much deathlust, and NOTHING ELSE.

Guts: /swings at Griffith and misses Casca: /gets kidnapped Guts: I couldn't hit him even a little, and my sword let me down, I have nothing to believe in or strive for anymore. Fans: Look at him he's so broken up about Casca.

I literally feel like I'm in fucking bizarro land when I read your average western berserk fan's commentary it is WILD.

[lemonduckisnowawake]

What if I theologized hanahaki? What then? Like if hanahaki was a symbol of unrequited love that desperately wants to be requited? Because God so loves us enough to want to be with us but also loves us enough to hold back lest His holiness turn us to ash because the flowers have become so embedded in us. So what if the flowers are a sign of our own rejection of God and the desperate craving we all have deep inside for Him...but also our way of melding with something that needs to go and thus being unable to be saved from it because we made it us in a sense? Like...

...

There’s a new wave of people who claim to be without the Flower Rot, also known as Hanahaki and Hua Bing.

These people claim that, without surgery, they have managed to completely remove the Rot. When asked what had caused this, one woman who wished to remain anonymous told the reporters, “It was…God, I guess. But He was also a man. He just…said that because the Rot’s too rooted in us, even if we wanted God we’d just burn with the flowers. But the only way’s to have His love take it away. So He said He’d take Rot and fade because He was a man, then come back because He’s God, and give us love to remove the Rot because He’s both.”

Her explanation aligns with similar ones from other witnesses with the Rot gone. They claim that the risk of fading with the removal of the flowers was taken by a man. But that His Godliness also signified that He could “grant His love” to permanently dispel the Rot.

As a refresher, it is quite unclear why the Rot suddenly began to manifest inside our lungs millennia ago. The most common legend is a tale of how humanity and God once lived in harmony in a garden. However, one day, man rejected God and told Him they could create a garden of their own. Though He offered a chance to repent from their rejection, having told them previously that such an endeavour would bring death upon them, they refused to acknowledge their wrong and were thus severed from His power and acceptance.

The proud declaration of humanity was not a nonsense claim, as they indeed found they could produce beautiful plant life for a garden.

However, that came with the cost of death, for these flowers grew inside them and were expelled through bloody coughs and sneezes.

Such is the duality of this universal Rot—a sign of divine rejection, some say, or a sign of our own ability to create beauty made more glorious through our own sacrifice, as others say. Of course, there are others who say this Rot is more complicated than simply a sign of our glory or a rejection from the divine, but those claims as much less popular.

In recent times, science has discovered that this Rot is simply a natural and inborn function of our body. “In fact, it’s inaccurate to call such a natural part of human experience a rot,” Doctor Kinuyo Yahagi of Hanahaki Research Association said, showing a bloodied purple iris of hers. “Yes, it is unpleasant but it is a fact of life, just like death and hunger and blood.” She then gave an animated explanation how there was a particular genetic wiring within our lungs linked to the brain’s rejection and affection chemicals. If the two are stirred in such a way, a pathway is made from the brain to the lungs triggering the genetic code and causing flowers to bloom.

“It can be removed by surgery,” a surgeon from the local medical center said. “However, studies have shown it is risky as it can affect your ability to love and process rejection, so it’s up to the patient to take the risk or not.”

Activists have cried that a difficulty in loving is not a sign of deteriorating humanity, and that those who choose the surgery are still acceptable.

“Hanahaki or not, we all still die, right?” a video of one academic debate records a professor speaking to one of the new Rot-less people.

The Rot-less person—a professor as well—nods thoughtfully. “Yes, but now, my death becomes a death without the disease signalling our separation from the divine, which is no true death at all.”

The ethics of removing the Flower Rot surgically still are debated, though much support for it has arisen in the past few decades. Research into these new rot-less people has also steadily increased, all done with the utmost legal and ethical restrictions to the volunteer’s rights.

“Hopefully, we’ll get to the bottom of this and find a better way to remove the disease,” Dr. Yahagi’s co-worker who wished to remain anonymous said. “Natural or not, it is still unpleasant. Why continue with something that is now proven to not be inevitable?”

[ellewptv]

Dear love…

Sometimes I wish I could have the same command over my body and thoughts as you have over me effortlessly.

If only you knew the power that every little thing you do has over me.

If you could understand that all I need is a glance, and I would give up everything and everyone I have just for your company.

If you knew that I don't mind being a sick person because it is my illness that makes me obsessed with you.

If you had the slightest notion of how much I need you, how much I love you.

How I cannot function if you're not by my side.

How I've forgotten how to live when you're away.

If only you knew all this, you wouldn't have done what you did to me.

You wouldn't have even approached me.

How much can a wounded beauty ignite curiosity?

And how much can curiosity hurt?

Why do we put ourselves in such situations? Why do we keep digging even when we know that what we are going to find will destroy us?

I was your muse, wasn't I? I was perfect for your melancholic love songs.

You were so intimate in some lyrics, so precise.

Will you sing about this forever and remember me?!

Tell me you will.

It couldn't have been any different.

Your songs are like a journal with pages stained with tears and coffee.

They are open wounds that never healed.

They are pleas for help and desperate declarations of love. Yours, mine, and ours, intertwined as one.

It hasn't been that long since we were one.

You could read my mind just as I always could read yours.

You knew I would be upset even before the trigger occurred.

How did you do it?

How did you stay for so long even after witnessing everything?

And why did you decide to leave after all the time it took for me to trust you?

Why didn't you leave at my first warning that I wasn't good? Why didn't you listen to me? Or my friends? Or my own father?!

Why did you choose to stay?

Why did you make me trust you?

Why did you end up becoming and bearing the weight of being my favorite person when you knew damn well what that meant?

Why did you run away from me while I was screaming for you?

Why can't I hate you yet?

Why do I still love you more than anything?

Take it away from me. Only you can. Please, I beg you. Take it away from me.

I know you deserve to be happy. And she seems perfect for you.

But I deserve that too. Don't you think?

I deserve it too.

We even went as far as naming our nonexistent children before even considering the reasons why I was such a tormented person.

We made plans before knowing about anything that could shatter them.

You pretended not to care when I told you I wouldn't bring a life into this world that would be half yours.

You didn't understand me, how could you?!

I'm sorry. I wanted that more than anything. But I couldn't, you know I couldn't.

I wouldn't forgive myself for letting the most important person in my existence go through this hell.

I prefer to think about what she could become, while I take solace in the idea of her being healthy only in my imagination, without the need to exist in this world that not even we, artists with wounded souls, comprehend the importance and meaning of.

The red hair dye color diluted in the water that day as the steam from the hot water enveloped me.

The colored water flowed down my body until it reached my thigh. The red color there was darker and trickled more slowly than the one coming from my scalp.

You noticed that even before seeing what was there.

Before understanding the magnitude of it all.

I asked you to turn off the light before undressing me. You didn't want to.

You said, looking deep into my eyes, that you wanted to see me entirely, inside and out.

Every detail of my being. Especially the ugly and dark ones, the ones that never saw the sunlight, the ones that grew and thrived in solitude.

Those were the ones you wanted. Those were the ones I was afraid to touch.

Those were the ones that seeped through my scars.

But you asked me to show them to you, and I did. I did because I needed you. I would do anything for you.

I would dig my own wounds with my nails to give you what you desire but don't care about.

I changed that night.

I woke up afraid of what you had become to me.

English is not my first language, so I don't think it will have the same impact as it does in my native language. I wrote this a few days after being diagnosed with BPD. I had a lot of meltdowns during those days. It came out of me in a way that has never happened before. I decided to post it because surprisingly I liked it.

[callsign-bunnie]

Chapter 2 (A magic users AU)

Rodolfo is left to deal with the ramifications of not being listened to. It worked out in the end, but not for him. However, he discovers a new ability given to him by the predicament.

--

Soap sighed, watching Alejandro pace. Rodolfo was with healers in the infirmary. They’d already started to get the base back to full function, even though a lot of it was just blown up. “Will the higher ups say anything?”

“No, they’ll have us send an invoice for repairs and then continue to ignore us. As long as whatever we do is contained to Las Almas, they don’t care.” Alejandro said, finally slamming down into a chair.

“What about Valeria?” Soap frowned.

“She assaulted a military officer. Keeping her detained will be no issue.” Alejandro waved his hand.

Soap nodded and then finally sat as well. “Will Rodolfo be okay?”

Alejandro tensed. “He’ll live. Okay is… subjective. He’s fully healed, just… scarred. No one but Valeria can remove the sigil.” He was calm but Soap knew enough about him to know he was five seconds away from snapping.

Soap nodded a little. “I see.” He didn’t know much about sigils beyond what the basic ones do. “Will you be okay?”

“I am…” Alejandro clenched his hands into fists, his tattoos starting to glow. But then he just sighed and his shoulders dropped. “Angry. Rodolfo was right. I didn’t listen. I was grasping for straws.”

“It worked. Graves was detained. Valeria has been arrested again.” Soap offered, trying to reassure Alejandro.

“At the expense of my pair. I’ll be lucky if he ever forgives me.” Alejandro shook his head. “The only time he questions me. And he still ends up right. He’s been right about everything for most of my life.”

Soap frowned. He thought of Rodolfo. Rodolfo wasn’t talkative unless you asked a question he wanted to answer. During Valeria’s interrogation, he’d sat silently and listened. The most he had done was mute Alejandro so he wouldn’t kill Valeria.

Even when breaking Alejandro out, Rodolfo had been nothing but calculated. Even still, he doubted Rodolfo was always right. But… this was the worst time for him to be right. “You two are damn near opposites.” Soap offered, now trying to distract him.

Alejandro laughed, softly. “Completely. The Vaqueros call him my impulse control.” He shrugged. “I can think of so many times I almost burnt out and he stopped it. He can’t afford to be reckless with his own life, you know? But I… I can be with mine.” He leaned back in his seat.

Soap frowned. “No one should be reckless with their life. But… if you die, it won’t kill Rodolfo?”

Alejandro shook his head. “No. My… power has no real grasp on his own. I can force him to magnify me if I really wanted to, but it’s violating. I would never do that.”

Soap could imagine having your power triggered without wanting it to be fairly violating. “Do you mind telling me more about the bonding process? Rodolfo kind of talked about it but he’s a little cagey.”

“Don’t take it personal, he’s just like that.” Alejandro nodded. “And, sure. I am still surprised that it hasn't caught on over there. Bonding is different for every pair. Really, it’s just our energies grabbing onto each other and intertwining. We have to want to. Hence the need for an emotional connection. You need to go through an intimate action together. Some have sex, some do it on accident when one is dying and the other saves them, it’s just something intimate.” Alejandro shrugged.

“What did you two do?” Soap frowned, unsure what would really be intimate enough between two friends. 

Alejandro winced. “Look, before I say this, you need to understand, Rodolfo and I are…” He looked to be grappling for words. “It was my idea.”

Soap raised an eyebrow, now concerned. He could only imagine what would be so bad it had Alejandro feeling the need to justify himself, first.

Alejandro sighed, looking away. “We had sex.”

Soap blinked and then started to laugh. “Oh, that’s it?? I was worried you stabbed him or something. Just sex??”

Alejandro seemed embarrassed. “Well, it was the easiest option, in my mind.”

Soap suddenly stopped laughing, remembering Rodolfo had also had to bond with Valeria. “Rodolfo has fucked Valeria?!” He exclaimed.

Alejandro winced. “That is something I try not to think about too hard. From what I’ve heard… against my will from Valeria… Valeria fucked him.”

Soap stared at Alejandro for a moment. Oh, that was going to take a while to get out of his mind. “I know too many things about Rodolfo, now.” He groaned. He wanted to continue to learn about bonding, though. “Rodolfo mentioned that… the first month was hell for you guys. That they tested your bond at every opportunity.”

“Yes, it’s necessary to make sure it won’t break. The first month is the safest because if it does snap, we both could make it out okay.” Alejandro nodded. He seemed to grow a little distant. “Hell is an understatement. We fought a lot. Rodolfo had to be tortured so I could adjust to the feeling.”

“The feeling?” Soap frowned.

Alejandro nodded. “I can feel it. When Valeria was burning his neck, you noticed I knew immediately. I could feel it on my own neck. When Graves stabbed him, I felt that too. It’s not painful, but it’s uncomfortable.”

Soap had been surprised how Alejandro seemed to just know Rodolfo was in trouble. “How uncomfortable?”

“Deeply. I’m able to ignore it, now, but in the beginning, I struggled to contain my own power. It’s… like something is pressing. I want it to stop.” Alejandro sighed. “To be bonded is to suffer together.”

Soap frowned. “How… romantic?” He tried. “Explains why most of the pairs I’ve seen are straight.”

Alejandro shrugged and went quiet. “Romantic doesn’t begin to cover it.” 

Soap hadn’t quite expected Alejandro to admit that. He smiled. “Rodolfo makes it sound like you are just friends.”

“I don’t think we could ever truly be just friends.” Alejandro shrugged. 

“So you two are… a thing?” Soap raised an eyebrow.

“It’s complicated.” Alejandro sighed. “Our bond messes with more than our connection. It messes with our emotions, our feelings. I worry that if I tried to pursue that, how would I know it’s consensual? I know my pair, he.. Would give up his entire being for me. How could I know he is not giving up his body just because I ask?”

Soap frowned. He didn’t know much about relationships, to be honest. But… that sounded like Rodolfo loved Alejandro. “I don’t know much about relationships or pairs or bonds or anything. But, Rodolfo told us that Elementals choose their Prisms. But Prisms can say no. He made it sound like there was never any thought in his mind but saying yes. You suggested sex to bond, and he said yes?”

Alejandro considered. “He seemed reluctant. But ultimately agreed it was the simplest option. I don’t think either of us could have chosen the other options.”

“And he would give his whole being for you?” Soap asked.

“Yes. I wish he didn’t feel that way. But yes.”

“Would you give yours for him?” Soap raised an eyebrow. 

Alejandro frowned. “Undoubtedly.”

Soap smiled. “I’ve never seen anyone talk about anything the way Rodolfo talks about you. He speaks about you as if you’re the sun.”

Alejandro frowned more and seemed to consider it. “I don’t know.”

Soap shrugged. “Like I said. I don’t know much about those things. But… it kind of sounds like you’d die for Rodolfo. That would be the ultimate sacrifice. But… It sounds like Rodolfo lives for you.”

Rodolfo blinked as he woke up, his eyes having to adjust to the intense light glaring down at him. There was still a dull burn on his neck, but it was able to be ignored. He could still feel that chain, binding him to Valeria. He hated it. It felt disgusting.

He remembered when he was first bound to Alejandro. It was hard, he’d admit. He wasn’t in love with Alejandro, yet, but there was definitely something there. But… constantly feeling attached to him, knowing Alejandro had some kind of power over him, even if Rodolfo had an equal amount back, had been stifling.

This was worse. If Valeria ever got out, she had so much power over him. It felt like a collar on his neck, choking him. He lifted his shirt, touching the raised skin where she’d carved the sigil into his skin. He felt her symbol. He remembered her making it in training. They all had sigils. It represented something but was easy to recreate. Carved into your own skin by your own hand. 

You could bond without them, but some chose to deepen their bond with the sigils. Rodolfo had never been able to stomach the idea. It had made him feel suffocated.

He sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, glad to see they’d left his clothes alone. “H… Hello.” He relaxed. Good, she hadn’t fucked up his vocal chords. He stood, stumbling on his feet a little at first, but it seemed the incident had left him no more than violated and scarred.

He knew everyone would be in the meeting room, likely discussing their next steps, so he headed that direction. Sure enough, he could feel Alejandro’s energy as he neared and then could feel everyone else’s when he was right outside the door.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped in.

“Hassan is in Chicago, Valeria confirmed. We only know because she assumed that would send all of us in that direction.” Price was speaking. He stopped when he saw Rodolfo had entered. They were all standing around the meeting table, documents and plans laid out.

Alejandro immediately turned to face him. “You’re awake.”

“Wish I wasn’t.” Rodolfo said, his voice bitter.

Alejandro winced. Everyone kind of glanced between them. It was awkward, Rodolfo knew, but he didn’t care. He went to the table, standing between Soap and Ghost.

Price seemed to hesitate before continuing. “But, with the damage done here, we cannot all fly off in the direction of Chicago. So, we send a group to Chicago to deal with Hassan and uncover the third bomb.”

Alejandro, who had stared at Rodolfo the entire time, nodded. His eyes were clearly on Rodolfo’s neck, and Rodolfo had noticed Gaz and Ghost glance at it a few times as well. “My men will be needed here.” Alejandro stated.

Price nodded. “Hassan is not your problem, Vargas, it is ours.”

“I’ll go.” Ghost spoke up. “I’ll take one person with me. But… two people are not going to cut it.”

Soap seemed to grin. “Well, we know who the obvious pick of the group is.”

“As much as I want to say no to knock that grin off your face, you are the pick. Gaz, you’re better here with Price, doing damage control.” Ghost sighed. Gaz nodded in understanding.

“Who will the third person be?” Price asked, but the way he said it implied he knew.

“I know a man. Ex-military. He’s a mercenary, now. He’s a Summoner with a specialty in insects, and a secondary Spirit ability.” Ghost nodded. “He owes me a favor.”

Rodolfo frowned. He hadn’t met many summoners. Technically, Elementals could be considered Summoners, since they summoned their elements but… it was different. They more summoned… alive things. Plants, animals, the dead… Most that he had heard of were either plants, mammals, or the dead. He’d never heard of someone with an insect speciality. 

“What’s his name?” Soap asked.

“It’s tongue in cheek but Roach.” Ghost shrugged. “I will call him.”

Price nodded and smiled. “Good. Then, it’s settled. Ghost and Soap will meet with Roach in Chicago. They will take down Hassan and then travel back. We will decide the next step once Hassan has been taken down.”

Ghost and Soap left the table, Soap clearly looking like as soon as they were alone, he was going to ask a million questions.

Price nodded and turned back to Alejandro. “I know you lost many men. So has the cartel. But… I know someone. She has experience in these things. She will come to help. And… there is another. Where she goes, he will.” Rodolfo definitely picked up on the way Gaz seemed to perk up. He knew these people. 

Alejandro considered. “If you think she can help, then call her.” He looked exhausted. “Anything to clear this problem, faster. Shepherd burned us, too. As long as Mexico continues to ignore Las Almas, we will help you bring down Shepherd.”

“Thank you.” Price nodded. “I will call her.” He gestured and Gaz followed him away.

Rodolfo avoided Alejandro’s eyes and turned to leave as well. Alejandro immediately rounded the table. “Don’t… Don’t do that.” Alejandro stopped him. “Please, Rudy.”

Rodolfo stayed half facing away from him. “I said… she couldn’t be trusted. I told you. All of you.”

“I’m sorry. I… relied on her still caring about you as a friend enough to not do this.” Alejandro sounded so desperate that Rodolfo almost forgave him. Rodolfo flinched away when Alejandro touched his neck, tears filling his eyes.

Rodolfo didn’t stop Alejandro as he pulled him to his chest, holding him. This was rare but not unheard of. Alejandro tried to be careful with his touch, but he always knew when it was needed. “I’m not gonna let this happen again.”

“I have to go around with this on my neck, forever. She has me on a leash, Alejandro.” Rodolfo took deep breaths, trying not to cry. “She won’t remove it.”

“She will. We’ll make her remove it.” Alejandro nodded. “If I have to skin her alive, she will remove it.”

Rodolfo shook his head, unsurprised Alejandro’s mind went straight to the most gruesome idea. He pulled away. “Even if you manage to make her remove her sigil, my neck…”

Alejandro gently tilted Rodolfo’s head up, inspecting the skin. “It’ll fade.”

“Never completely.” Rodolfo mumbled. He didn’t want to even see it. But he could feel it. He reached up, feeling over the rough skin. “The one on my cheek hasn’t.”

Alejandro’s eyes moved to that and Rodolfo could see the guilt there. He watched Alejandro’s hand retreat and grabbed it again, not wanting him to pull away. “Please don’t.”

Alejandro hesitated before nodding, though he was tense. Rodolfo relaxed. He hesitated. “If you had been the one to make the scar, it would not feel so awful.” He admitted. “I have forgiven you for the other one. I wish… you would forgive yourself.”

“I hurt you because I was careless. Worse because I was angry.” Alejandro shook his head. “I should never have lashed out at you.”

Rodolfo was quiet for a moment. He didn’t like the guilt Alejandro felt. “I forgive you. For Valeria.”

Alejandro frowned. “You shouldn’t. I should have listened to you.”

“You didn’t. It’s too late for should haves…” Rodolfo mumbled, the anger melting out of him. “What are we doing now?”

“We are rebuilding what we can of Las Almas.” Alejandro nodded. “Once Hassan is down, we will be helping the 141 take down Shepherd.”

Rodolfo nodded a little. “We will need to interrogate Graves.”

“Done.” Alejandro nodded. “He… didn’t know anything.”

Rodolfo frowned. “How??”

“Shepherd must have been real close with his information. Need to know, only. We already know everything Graves needed to know.” Alejandro shrugged. “You should rest.”

“There’s things that need to be done.” Rodolfo shook his head.

“They can wait a few hours while you rest.” Alejandro shook his head.

Rodolfo hesitated before nodding. “Fine.” He was exhausted, anyway. 

Rodolfo held onto a glass orb, resting like Alejandro said. These things were created for prisms. They had a small amount of energy from a caster, which Rodolfo could use to practice magnifying and muting. Admittedly, with where his skill level was, he didn’t need it anymore. But, it was nice to idle with.

It’d been given to him by the military, as a part of their training experience. Part of their final stuff was expanding the energy in a giant one the size of a car. No, probably closer to twice that size. Rodolfo had nearly passed out from the effort as they were supposed to expand it beyond the orb.

They’d used Alejandro’s energy for Rodolfo’s orb. So he’d have a tighter bond with him, supposedly. Rodolfo wasn’t sure it actually did anything, but he was willing to pretend. 

Watching the flame dance around in the orb, he carefully expanded it. He didn’t want to set the orb on fire and burn himself, so he kept it small. While he focused on it, he thought over everything. He was still upset that no one listened to him.

Yeah, sure, it was all fine, now. It’d all so conveniently worked out. Valeria was contained, Graves was arrested, and they were all on the right track to get everything worked out. But… No one else had a chain around them, binding them to someone who very clearly wanted him dead. 

No one else had been scarred and violated. Just him. He was the one who didn’t want any of this to happen and he was the one who suffered the worst. Everyone else was completely unscathed. How unfair. How fucking utterly unfair.

Rodolfo really tried not to be bitter. He really did but… look at him! He would never be the same! He had known something horrible would happen and look where it’d gotten him! And… now he knew that Alejandro would not listen when he had concerns. It was one time, but it’d been the most important time. 

Rodolfo stared at the orb, watching the flame dance again. He flinched at a knock on the door and stood, carefully crossing to it. Gaz was standing there, which surprised Rodolfo. “Hey, um-” Gaz seemed awkward. “Some things aren’t adding up. I… want to question Graves myself. Without any of the officials there. He doesn’t seem to respect either of us, so I think he may be more casual.”

Rodolfo frowned. He considered over it. If he played up being scared and vulnerable, Graves likely would not see him as a threat. “Play up that Alejandro didn’t listen to me, and it got me hurt.”

Gaz seemed shocked. “Oh. I didn’t expect you to agree so fast. Hell yeah!” He grinned and then shrugged. “I can do that. Price and Alejandro are out at the moment. They’re scouting Las Almas, looking over the damage. Ghost and Soap are talking to that mercenary on the phone, so… We shouldn’t be interrupted.”

“Good.” Rodolfo nodded a bit and then followed Gaz down to the holding cells where Valeria and Graves were both being held. 

“For the record, I… I’m sorry that happened to you. I should have been more on guard.” Gaz said, when they got to the entrance.

Rodolfo shrugged, not angry at Gaz. “It was a tough situation. Valeria seemed to take a liking to you, I can understand that you let your guard down. I… did as well. You are not at fault here.”

“Alejandro is really tearing himself up.” Gaz hesitated, clearly nervous about saying this. “He won’t show you and… Only really Soap has gotten to see it but he’s so upset. I don’t know him that well, I really don’t. But… He’s very obviously… distraught at what happened.”

Rodolfo had to take a moment to understand what distraught meant. He hadn’t actually heard that word too many times, but he remembered. Deeply upset. He looked over Gaz, tilting his head. Gaz was clearly reluctant to say this. He imagined the poor kid probably wanted to defend Alejandro. Even if he didn’t know him.

Rodolfo took a breath. “Don’t… worry. I’m upset but… I will move on.”

Gaz relaxed. “I will help you get that sigil removed, I promise. Even if I have to skin Valeria to get her to do it.”

Rodolfo was surprised by that statement. Gaz seemed so… tame. He was shocked the kid could manage that sort of animosity. He smiled. “I like you. Let’s do this.”

Gaz nodded and relaxed, smiling and they both finally went to the holding cells. They straight up ignored Valeria. She didn’t seem to notice them come in, anyway. Rodolfo knew she had to have. She would have been able to feel Rodolfo approach. But, she ignored them back, at least.

Gaz got out keys and Rodolfo blinked. “How-”

“Alejandro is easy to pickpocket.” Gaz shrugged and glanced at Rodolfo for a moment before turning back to the cell and unlocking the door. Rodolfo was impressed.

“Don’t do that again but… Good job.” Rodolfo followed him in, making sure the cell shut behind him.

The holding cells were rather large. They had to be. Most of the people they held were very good at getting themselves out of trouble. The first thing they claimed were inhumane holding conditions. So… the holding cells were pretty nice.

Rodolfo hung back at the door, doing his best to shrink his form and avoid Graves’ eyes. He let Gaz take the lead on questioning, needing to really sell this damaged idea. Was he actually damaged? Yeah, probably. But he was bitter, not afraid. He needed to be afraid.

Gaz gave him a knowing glance before turning back to Graves. “They sent us to question you again.”

Graves was in a fairly untouched state, the burn on his face already mostly healed and fading. He laughed softly. “Oh?”

Rodolfo watched Gaz seem to shrink back a bit. “Yes.” He sounded so unsure. He was… entirely convincing. If they hadn’t pre-planned this (albeit for maybe five seconds) he would have been completely convinced. 

Gaz pulled up a chair and sat in it. He didn’t make common mistakes, like trying to fake a stumble. He just… moved a chair. Sat. Small, simple movements. “What was your mission?”

“No.” Graves sighed, leaning his head back. “I’ve given all of the information I have.”

“They think you weren’t being truthful.” Gaz frowned. He’d grabbed an interrogation clipboard at some point. 

“I was.” Graves shrugged. He was lying. He wasn’t even trying to cover it. “I have given you everything I know.”

Was he this obvious with Alejandro and Ghost? No, Rodolfo didn’t believe they’d be so stupid to believe him just like that. Ghost was incredibly intelligent, he’d seen that first hand. And Alejandro… he knew him better than that. “Give up. We can’t do this, I don’t know why they sent us down here.” He looked away when Graves looked at him.

Graves cut Gaz off before he could speak. “I heard what happened with the Drug lord. I heard about it through some of your Vaqueros.”

Rodolfo tried not to cringe at how he said Vaquero. Rather, he cringed at the whole of his sentence. “Garrick.”

“Hang on, I want to try.” Gaz shook his head. He sat up a little, going over his clipboard. “When did Shepherd approach you?”

Graves ignored him and Rodolfo watched Gaz’s face fall. “One of them said you tried to warn everyone what would happen. They didn’t listen to you.”

Rodolfo stared at the ground. “You’re right.” He muttered. He knew Graves was just trying to get to him, so it was easy not to give in. Hell, he didn’t even have to try. “Garrick, can we please go? I don’t want to be down here much longer. I-”

“Doesn’t it just… boil your blood? You’re second in command, but no one respects you as if you were. You might as well be the dirt on the floor for all that everyone walks all over you.”

A flash of rage turns into a flinch. Rodolfo couldn’t afford to be angry in this moment, he needed to be… scared. Violated. He needed to be small. “Shut up.” It was half hearted.

Gaz cringed. “Yeah, let’s go. We’ll just… tell Price it didn’t work. I don’t know why they sent us…” He said the last part quietly, like he was attempting not to let Graves hear. Rodolfo had to admit, he really liked this kid. He was brilliant. 

Gaz went over to Rodolfo and both turned to leave. Rodolfo hoped Graves would stop them. He’d had two toys thrown into his enclosure, surely he wanted to keep playing with them…?

Graves did stop them. “Alright, I’ll throw the little guys a bone.” Rodolfo suppressed a laugh at the victory on Gaz’s face. They’d been given an inch, it was time to go a mile.

Gaz turned back to Graves and seemed to hesitate before going back to the chair. “What was your mission?”

Graves considered. “Burn your asses, obviously.” They already knew that. Rodolfo took a moment before taking a few steps forward. 

“You like to make jokes.” Rodolfo hesitated. “Garrick, what do they call those in English?”

“Puns.” Gaz nodded. “I think.”

Rodolfo wasn’t sure he liked that word, but he rolled with it. “You make many of those… Puns.” No, he didn’t like that word at all.

“I will admit to liking wordplay.” Graves nodded and chuckled. 

Gaz hesitated. “I’m curious… why the Shadow Company? You’re a Persuader.”

Graves considered and then shrugged. “I won’t be able to show the other but… I can show you.” He took a breath and then Gaz was immediately jumping back, the chair hitting the ground behind him.

Rodolfo straightened up, surprised. “What are you doing?”

“I can’t fucking see-” Gaz touched at his face, eyes wide. 

“That’s why.” Graves laughed. “Huh, I didn’t think I’d be able to do that in here. Wonder what else I can do-”

“Enough!” Rodolfo dropped the facade. He wasn’t going to let Graves hurt Garrick just so they could get information.

“No.” Graves laughed. He furrowed his brows and Gaz started to scream, clawing at his face. He left scratches, deep ones. There wasn’t even any build up. Rodolfo stared in horror as blood dripped down Gaz’s face.

He wanted this to stop. It was a flash. He felt warmth in his hand and then a ball of flame was soaring past Graves’ head. Gaz fell to the floor and backed up, going behind Rodolfo. 

Graves laughed. “When did you pick up that little ability?”

Rodolfo looked at his hand. He’d love to know as well. “Fuck this.” He murmured, getting the door open and shoving Gaz out it. “We need to talk to Valeria.”

[starwalker03]

WMLP how have the main characters combat skills changed over the last decade of torture, captivity and enslavement? Would you say the characters would do better or worse in a fight compared to their old selves and former mentors? (Again no need to answer if it’s a spoiler. And please don’t feel pressured to answer everything all at once.)

Okay so fight skills is so subjective and relies on context and setting and so many other things so I'm gonna just go with generally whether their season one show selves could beat them or not.

Kaldur is the easiest one because he could not win a fight against his season one self. Just straight up. He's lost control of his magic, a fight would trigger him to such a degree he'd probably barely be able to function, and his only combat practice he gets is against Manta soldiers who are definitely holding back on him most of the time cause they don't want to make Black Manta angry. Even if they're not holding back they're goons. Kaldur probably doesn't get to train with higher up soldiers often, cause officers are busy more often than not. Kaldur can still fight, can still knock someone on their ass, but outside a safe training environment he'd get so overwhelmed that he'd sabotage himself.

Wally wouldn't either. He can't use his powers. Maybe he'd stand a chance at hand to hand but his past self has speed on him and that'd probably be enough. He's not a good enough combatant to handle superspeed without his own superspeed

Conner would stand a chance. He would fight very differently, much more like a boxer than how Canary trains them to be. A lot of focus on brute force and a reliance on technique only when against someone who challenges him, said technique mostly being really good ways to dodge. The irony of Conner's position is he's supposed to be a weapon for Lex but what Lex has done to him has curved his potential majorly. Conner could stand a chance against his season one self, probably even win, but season two-four canon Superboy would be able to beat him because of furthering his skill in a meaningful way.

Artemis, M'gaan and Dick could all beat their younger selves. Easily, might I add. They've all furthered their skills and developed new styles and become much more deadly, with no hesitance to use genuinely harmful technique and mortally wound their opponent. It wouldn't even be a fight, it'd last like five seconds and their respective teenaged selves would be face planted in the mats.

[mylevisdontfitanymore]

I just discovered your blog and holy fuck is it normal for me to find it really hot?

tw. below this:

as a person who has struggle with ed most of her life finding this hot is like a relief you know, I used to be so scare of what I’m reading in your blog and now it just… turns me on, coping mechanism I guess

I mean -

I find it very normal, but I also curate the posts for a reason 🫣😳

Trigger warning: more ED discussion below

I feel you, though. I, too, have experienced eating disorders throughout my life.

I've gone through a few different types of them at various intensities (bulimia, bindge eating, orthorexia, and anorexia (which was my longest and worst)), and despite being in recovery nowadays, I don't think I'll really ever fully have the experience of EDs leave my head. Like, there will always be part of me that hears that little voice. I can ignore it and overcome it, but I'll never see food or diet or weight "normally." At least, I don't think I will. It's like being a native speaker versus a non-native speaker of a language. Sure, I can become fluent in the language and functionally use it, but I will never be a native speaker.

With all that said, I, too, wonder about the interaction between eating disorders and weight/food/belly kinks because as far as I am aware, plenty of people with these types of kinks have experienced eating disorders as well. I've seen some people actively choose to try and get into feedism to heal themselves, and I've seen people who've just experienced both without conscious reasons. Either way, it seems to me that there is some connection here. I mean, fetishes and fears are pretty similar, so... maybe it's two sides of the same coin you either have or don't? But, then again, in Western society, eating disorders have a growing prevalence, so perhaps there's no connection, and it just appears as if there is.

(Also, food and weight, outside of more recent history, have been connected to power and sexuality because with more money comes more food, so it was more desirable to be fat. It showed off your status. So, is it really that weird to be attracted to fatter bodies? It makes sense to want a body that shows resources and comfortability.)

I have no idea 🤷🏻‍♂️

Personally, though, from what I remember, before I had eating disorders or disordered eating patterns, I had a fixation around bellies. So, maybe because I already had those "wires crossed," I was more vulnerable to eating disorders. Or, maybe the experience of eating disorders helped elevate a fixation that otherwise would've faded away. Again, I don't know.

Also, in particularly self-reflective moments, I've also wondered if I'm so obsessed with bellies being full in any capacity because I know how purely terrible and shitty the experience of being empty is so I crave for other people to feel the exact opposite. Not terrible, starving emptiness but heavy fullness that equates to happiness and good emotions, as far away from some of the worst times in my life as possible. Fulfillment. Fullness. Fatness. However, that thought kind of falls apart when I think about how I did experience binge eating disorders, too, not just anorexia so...

I don't know.

I'm still untangling it.

I don't think I'll ever be able to go, oh, that! That's why I have a belly kink, but I would like to continue to learn about myself and what makes me tick.

I do agree with your coping mechanism theory, though.

And, also, thanks for being willing to share. Talking more about the connection between kink and disorder is useful. I can't say what the result will be, but it feels big.

[henrike-does-writing-sometimes]

chocolate ganache, caramel, white chocolate, fluff filling 🥺💛

I'm choosing to be quirky and use three wips for this one. The Divine, because of course, A Guardian's Tale, and Realm of Mirrors, because they've been on my mind lately

Chocolate Ganache: what made you start writing this wip ? was it a trope ? a vibe ? a character ?

I initially got the idea for The Divine back in I think 2019, when I was watching Go Princess Precure. I've always loved magical girl shows, but like I've said had trouble identifying with it. And so I thought, why don't we just make them boys ? And here we are today !

AGT came about in 2015. I was watching some show with toys that came alive, and there was some talk about how they each represented one of the elements. I found that really cool and so made a story were four kids were given small animal figurines that gave them elemental powers. Then it spiraled lmfao

RoM can about mainly because I wanted to try and write a cast with more girls than boys pffft

Caramel: tell me a bit about your favorite scene, and why it’s your favorite.

Ooooo this is a hard one. I think as of right now, it's a tie between Andie's kidnapping, the encounters with the Messangers, and the Abyss Trials.

Andie's kidnapping is very neat because if The Divine was a show then that scene would be the ending of an episode. It goes from hopefull, with the boys undoing their locks and getting their Aetherium restored. And then Arahmen arrives, breaks the key before Andie can use it, and then just disappears with them.

The scenes with the Messamgers are all cool, because they're the only times we get even close to Cosmia and Ome. And they're all set in alternate planes, the space between divinity and mortality. Their first time with the Iri Wolf is also funny because the boys are calling it names for killing their Lumens and the Wolf is just like ??? I was doing my job ???

The Abyss Trials are fun because I get to torment the boys but also give them euphoric realizations about themselves lol

There are a lot of cools scenes in AGT, but the most iconic one has to be Robin killing Eden. It's a very intense scene that functions as Robin's absolute lowest point in the series. As well as a way for him to get out some pent up anger, because boy's been through a lot. He didn't do anything wrong tho, Eden is an inconsiderate asshole who basically triggered Robin's psychosis so, yeah.

My favorite RoM scene is the climax of the second book. There's a lot going on that I can't really mention because spoilers. But yeah, it gets really heavy.

White Chocolate: tell me a bit about the happiest moment in your wip.

While I don't think it's the happiest over all, the boys realizing that their Lumes are back is up there. The post battle scenes are more soft, but I'm still going to count them.

Definetly the post final battle scene. It's a very intense and emotional scene with a lot of crying and hugging, and it's this overwhelming understanding of "It's over and we're alive." that brings it all together.

Funnily enough, the happiest scene in RoM is the first scene in book one. It's downhill from there. That's not me saying there are no happy moments, but the first scene is of Emil returning to his hometown the the gang being back together again. Kinda hard to beat even without the bullshit about to come.

Fluff Filling: tell me a bit about the softest relationship in your wip.

The relationship between the main boys, no doubt. While the dynamics differ between them, they're brothers and should not be separated. Like, again the post battle scenes where they patch up each others wounds and talk about anything and everything besides the battle. I'm very weak <3

For AGT there are many but I'm giving it to Amber and Louise. Just two neurodivergent girls slowly realizing they're in love and then panic because how do you flirt ?? Like most of their interactions are them fumbling around and trying to impress each other. Trying to be cool and not stim too much because that might be wierd, and they think they're failing so hard but are actually making each other fall in love even more. I love then lots <3

Softest relationship in RoM is most likely Emil and Tess. They've known each other the longest, they're both never in charge of the group's braincell, they're both in awe of everything they see. And spoilers, but Emil's final 'speech' is between him and Tess. So yeah, they <3

[huntunderironskies]

For W:tF 2ed, whats your opinion of Primal Urge? do you feel its overpriced for what it offers or is it alright? would it benefit from a primal beats system to increase the levels?

Hey there, thanks for the question! I'm always excited to talk game design stuff especially when werewolves are involved. :>

Firstly, my opinion of Primal Urge may be influenced in part by 1e, in which it was one of the most punishing power stats to increase. 2e's Primal Urge is miles better and even offers some minor bonuses aside from just being tacked onto your resistance rolls. The Curse was one of my least favorite weird holdovers from Apocalypse and I can't be happier to see it gone. Dietary restrictions tend to not come up that much, but I've never had a player go higher than [POWER STAT] 5 yet. I think the Hard Rage one is definitely the worst out of them, but my players generally work pretty hard to actively avoid being in situations where it'll come up with either the Chain Rage rite or Directed Rage as a merit.

For positive effects: That damage regen really adds up fast, and is probably one of the best benefits. Like a lot of power stats you don't really feel the effects hard until Primal Urge 4, where the big bump in power comes in.

With that said...

Yeah, werewolves have a lot of XP sinks. More than most other splats I think, I've done two crossover games at this point and the werewolf in the long-running one I did a while back (my other crossover game has just started) always seemed to be the one who was struggling to hold onto XP for any long period of time, especially given that raising Renown can feel pretty urgent since it's bound to specific actions. I used the system where you can effectively go in XP debt but immediately get a dot of the relevant Renown.

From a game design perspective, I think there was an attempt to offset this with how extremely beneficial being on the Sacred Hunt is to getting beats very quickly. Exceptional successes happen a lot with werewolf dice pools. We'd pretty regularly get enough beats from a single Sacred Hunt for everyone to get an XP (important note, I use group beats in all of my games) without factoring in players achieving Aspirations et al.

Werewolf would have really, really benefited from having maybe not a Primal Beats system per se, but a sort of...let's call them Hunting Beats? I'd need to have a good think about what the specific trigger conditions would be for gaining beats for them, but obviously the Sacred Hunt beats would primarily feed into that. Acts that align with a specific Renown would also do it since we're trying to make getting Renown a bit easier, and if I were feeling spicy I'd also pull the hunting styles list from Shunned by the Moon and say that if you act in accordance with those, it would also give you Hunting Beats.

(Yes, I know that The Pack gives you Pack Beats as a secondary beats system but, uh, it's...not quite as refined as the krewe/cult beats in later games. Rehauling that is one of my "maybe one day" goals since there's very good ideas in there but it needs some refinement.)

I think playing into the hunting styles subsection specifically would have an interesting effect in the sense that increasing your Tribal Renown wouldn't necessarily be actively beneficial (...which is one reason that I've been trying to shove in the specific Tribal Renown into the Tribe-specific Merits I'm working on, that's your positive reinforcement for acting in ways that your Firstborn would) but it would be indirectly encouraged. One of my problems with 2e is that Tribes still feel like they're not a part of a werewolf's life mechanically and a function of that is your Tribe's Renown, which should act as a secondary influence on your behavior, is just sorta. There.

I went a bit off topic, oops. I think that Primal Urge in and of itself is fine and I don't feel the need to tweak it, it's more the issue of werewolves having a lot of things they need to buy into and Renown being...somehow at once both extremely useful (in terms of a cost-benefit analysis, think of it as a trait that costs 1 XP to increase plus a free Shadow Gift Facet with it, unless it's your Auspice Renown in which case you get both a Shadow Gift Facet and a new Moon Gift Facet) but also kind of a pain to get. That ends up making everything feel overcosted, Primal Urge included.

Hopefully this makes sense! I just got back from night classes so I'm a bit scattered, haha.

[thequietmanno1]

TheLreads, Vigilantes ch 100, Replies Part 2

1) “Alright McBee, please tell me you’re gonna honor your name.”- More like “McBoom” actually. 2) “…

Alright I didn’t saw that one coming

but also, those Nomus do not look like the people who were calling to them a few panels ago, and they weren’t doing this bullshit stuttered speech, they said a whole sentence without problem”- The perception filter of looking at them from afar contrasted with getting a better look up close. And I’m guessing the stuttering is their last audio command/voice “skipping” a little as the “explode” command overrides all the rest of their functions. 3) “Good going McBee, I’m sure this is gonna work flawlessly”- Explosions have never worked out for failed him yet! 4) “bomber villain cells… you mean, a bomb quirk, right? something that Aizawa can shut down just by looking at

Also, lol at this page trying to be dramatic and making it seem like Jeanist, Edge shot and Tensei, three famous top heroes which we saw a lot in the main series, are just gonna do the opposite of being alive like that

lmao even”- Granted, he probably wasn’t factoring in Aizawa’s anti-Quirk Quirk when they were made, since a power that stops other powers working is so rare as to be one in a million, and thus the potential scenarios wherein it’d be used against the drones in deployment were not high, but yeah, having any other heroes present would have made the stakes higher. At best, they’re going to be mildly stunned by these blasts, if even inconvenienced at all. 5) “There’s… There’s just two of them Azaiwa. And you guys can climb up the building.

They pose pretty much no threat, if they try to run to target innocent people you can just immobilize them from a distance with your scarves.

I’m starting to think McBee did not thought this through.”- If this was all of the drones he had to work with, sure. But unfortunately for Koichi’s side, it seems he brought enough to keep every potential hero interference tied up at once whilst he makes a beeline for the hospital. 6) “Koichi please tell me that you’re trying to hit them with something strong rather than just using “non-lethal” shots”-Still human-shaped, so the mental block against killing people is in place, just in case they’re actually ‘alive’ in there.  7) “Well, maybe if you didn’t used this weak-ass pellets and instead actually shot him with your real power then you could prevent them”- They can’t suicide bomb with a hole through the head!....or maybe they still can, since it’s not really them pulling the trigger. Experimentation is required for a more precise analysis. 8) “Oh thank you Aizawa, finally doing something rational.

…

They are gonna pull some bullshit about how this is not gonna work, right?”- Well, no it works alright….but Aizawa’s got a visualisation limit on the amount of moving exploding targets he can keep locked down, especially since more of them seem to be spawning from the very shadows themselves. 9) “OH? YOUR QUIRK ACTUALLY WORKED? OH MY GOD THAT IS SURPRISING

I WAS SURE THAT BOMBER CELL BULLSHIT WOULD BE SOME ASS-PULL TO AVOID AIZAWA SOLVING EVERYTHING

ALRIGHT, SO McBEE McFUCKED REAL TIME COMPLETELY BY ACCIDENT.”- Well, Aizawa can stop the explosion from happening until he’s safely outside the blast radius, but that means he still has to be occupied with safely detonating each Drone one by one on the streets away from people, leaving Nomura free to make his direct strike on the hospital. Nomura definitely didn’t have Aizawa’s counter in mind when deploying the Drones, but there’s enough flexibility in the situation to keep them viable as a distraction whilst he achieves his real goal. 10) “Oh okay so there’s more of them it seems

a whole lot

McBee how many of those fucking things did AfO gave you to do this shit?”- Probably enough that he wouldn’t be able to fuck things up due to lack of disposable minions to throw at the problem. Although, this is taking into account Nomura’s competence thus far… 11) “alright guys, show us what nomus can do

and I don’t mean talking, expressing delight in causing pain and coming up with combat strategies. Because there’s definitely no way something like that would be possible, right? (: “- Not for another few years, though these drones do be beating the High-Ends out on styling fashion choices at least. 12) “Aizawa don’t start talking about your life, this is the sort of thing someone about to die would start blabbing about. We need to keep the timeline stable, don’t tempt fate.”- Aizawa’s guaranteed to die at a later time against Tomura, so for this fight, he can tempt fate and boggie-dance back and forth over the line of life and death, it won’t affect him none. 13) “OH WE HAVEN’T SEEN THOSE STUDENTS, I SO WANTED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THEM

THERE’S A TURTLEMAN, A MINER ONE, SOMEONE WEARING A FEDORA ON THE BACK, ON THE RIGHT IT SEEMS LIKE KIRBY AFTER HE ATE SOMEONE”- At least one of these guys look like a pokemon evolution, and now I’m wondering hiw many hero team-ups formed from high-school classmates realising their powers worked well in tandem together? Like, Pokemon trainers aren’t known for their fighting skills directly, but as support options for their pokemons, they’re unparalleled. 14) “AIZAWA JUST TOLD McBEE HIS LACKEYS AIN’T SHIT

BEAUTIFUL

McBEE GOT McFUCKED ONCE AGAIN.”- These guys are literally disposable cannon fodder, so none of them will be a stand-out fighter. The real star of the show is making his move in the long shadows they cast though…. 15) “Oh, now you need his help, right Aizawa? Noooow he isn’t a villain under arrest, huh? Yeah, I deeeeeefinitely didn’t saw that one coming…”- Technically, he’s still under arrest. They’re just trusting him to run over to the police and hand himself into custody whilst they’re tied down with hero duties. It’d be nice if he also filled in the paperwork for them while he’s at it.

16) “But at least I’m once again curious to see how things are gonna unfold, even if that laughable fake-out with the heroes dying was laughable. My god man. You know, if they were original heroes exclusive to Vigilantes I could be at least worried that something could happen to them, but c'mon man, Tensei? really? It’s like trying to make us worry that Phelps is gonna die. which you already did before now that think about it…”- With Tanuma down and in a coma, there’s sadly no disposable police officers Nomura can wreak on his way to Pop, which means her safety is guaranteed so long as Phelps keeps himself between her and her faceless assassin. If he manages to lure Phelps away though…. @thelreads

[chisatowo]

I was gonna do more doodles here but Im tired so

[thewriterthatghostedyou]

Shadows and Scars

Chapter 12

Ok so I had started writing this chapter, didn’t like it, then this came into my head so sorry that it took awhile, but WOW all I have to say is that I am VERY proud of the direction this fic is going in and I hope you all enjoy!!!

Note: This is where things will start to get very dark. So here are the trigger warnings: angst, blood, injuries, attempted murder, cannon level violence, if you don’t like reading gorey things, I’d recommend not reading this, but it is very plot heavy.

Banner made by @maysdigitalarts

“Again.” Ivan ordered and I turned all my focus back to the guard I was practicing on.

I felt sweat pour down my face as I touched my hands together and moved them the way Ivan had shown me too while focusing on stopping the blood flow to his head.

Nothing happened.

“Damn it!” I yelled and dropped my hands. “Why isn’t this working?”

“You need to focus y/l/n.” Ivan said, easily knocking out the guard.

“I am focusing! All I’m doing is focusing!” I yelled at him.

“Perhaps we should stop for the day.” He said evenly.

“It’s fine I can do this.” I protested looking at the unconscious guard. “When he wakes up.”

“Get some air Miss y/l/n. Perhaps try focusing on a strong emotion. I’ve always found anger to be a powerful motivator.” With that, he turned and left the room.

Defeated, I grabbed my cane and slowly made my way to the little palace gardens. Was I putting too much pressure on myself? Absolutely. How else would I measure up to the rest of the grisha? The fact that they actually can run and fight without worrying about their legs giving out… I’m a good healer, saints a great one, but after coming back to the Little palace and seeing all of the other grisha walk around with nothing stopping them… I’ll admit the thought of not being enough was more overwhelming then I’d care to admit.

I sat down on a concrete bench that was surrounded by beautiful purple flowers and pulled out my notebook. It was old and beat up, and it’s leather cover was worn so much that it was soft to the touch, but I still carried it everywhere I went.

The pages were filled with sketches and notes about the human body and how it functioned. Some of the notes I made in it were taken from old library books, but most of them were things that I found out myself at Kribirsk.

The paper crinkled as I opened it up to a new page and started making steady lines and curves. After a minute or so, a picture of a human heart started to take shape and I tilted my head at the drawing of the organ.

“That’s very good.” A voice said, snapping me out of my daze.

I dropped my sketchbook in surprise and Alina picked it up before sitting next to me.

“Sorry, I suppose I shouldn’t have startled you.”

“No it’s fine.” She carefully handed me the book and I took it gingerly. “I wasn’t exactly paying attention to my surroundings.”

“Is your training going that well?” She asked picking two of the flowers and deftly knitting them together before grabbing another.

“Am I that obvious?” I asked, watching her as she added more flowers to her creation.

“I’m sure that Bagra believes that I’m a lost cause.” She replied. Her flower creation started to take shape into a crown.

“Bagra believes everyone is a lost cause.” I shivered as I remembered the way she would walk around the group of training healers and hit us with her cane.

“What’s wrong with your training?” She asked, adding in another color of flower and weaving it in.

I watched as her hands deftly twisted the stems into the base of the crown.

“I’m having trouble stopping the blood flow to the head.”

“What would that do?” Alina asked, staying focused on the crown.

“It should cause the person to lose consciousness.” I flipped my sketchbook open to the picture of a heart.

“Should?”

“We’ll it does, I just can’t do it right.” My pencil scratched against the paper and I used my finger to shade the shadows of the heart in.

“How are you adjusting to the Little Palace?” I asked, changing the subject.

Alina stopped tying the flowers into the crown and gave me a quick glance before getting back to her work. I could tell she wanted to ask more about training, but thankfully she didn’t.

“It’s certainly grand for a little palace.” She held up her crown and showed it to me. The finished product had purple and pink flowers weaved together in a complicated braided pattern. “I wrote a letter to Mal to invite him to the palace. It’s being sent out today.”

“It’s pretty,” I nodded to her crown. “Letters usually take a week or so to go to the fold and back. I wrote one to my friend Anya who’s stationed at Kribirsk.”

“You mentioned her before.” Alina paused before putting the crown on my head and smiling at me.

“She’s like my sister.” I said truthfully as I grinned. The floral perfume of the flowers reminded me of Anya. “We grew up together, like you and Mal.”

“It’s hard not having him here.” Alina said dejectedly. “I’d always talk to him about my dreams.”

My pencil stopped moving and I raised my eyebrow. “Your dreams?”

Alina blushed and looked at her feet before they started to shuffle. “I've had these dreams for as long as I can remember.” She said honestly. “They’re always about this stag. Everytime. It’s a beautiful stag, it's a pale white and has these complicated antlers that make this strange shape when it looks at you straight on. They’ve been happening more often since I’ve come here.” She had a faraway look in her eye.

“Hmmmmm.” I said thoughtfully. “Could you draw it?” I opened up my book to a new page and held out my book and pencil. “Sometimes I draw my nightmares when I get them. It just helps to get it out of my head.” To be honest, I could probably fill three sketchbooks with the amount of paper I’ve used to draw the fold and it’s demonic inhabitants.

“I’ve drawn him before.” Alina said looking at the book I was handing her, but not taking it. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up.” She shook her head.

“It’s no problem.” I said, keeping my hand holding the book outstretched. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I find it helps me.”

She gave the book one more critical look before gently taking it from me.

I assumed as she started drawing on the paper that she didn't want to talk, so I studied the gardens we were in and thought about my move again. Deep breath, touch hands, bring them out, feel the blood rushing through the veins, slowly focus on stopping the liquid from fully reaching the head.

There was someone watching Alina and I from the balcony of another building, but I shut them out, focusing on these moves again and again, as the sun shone down brightly on my face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aleksander’s POV

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two of them were getting closer and Aleks smiled at the fact that his plan was moving just as he had expected. The Sun Summoner and the Shadow Healer. Two impressionable people that he’s waited centuries for.

Alina was drawing something in your sketchbook, while you were just sitting there, eyes closed, relaxed. It was a stark contrast to when he had first met you. Delirious in a healer’s tent with black blood drenching your kefta and the cot you were on.

He wasn’t there when you had emerged from the Fold, and when he heard the rumors, he had assumed that they were false. Laughed them off, in fact. A sole survivor didn’t happen, the volcra always took everyone, leaving only death and chaos behind. It wasn’t until one of his higher ranking Inferni had personally come to the palace that he had realized that the rumors were true and had left the next morning.

The camp was as loud and boisterous as it always was, the only difference being that the second and first army alike were talking in hushed whispers about the lone survivor. Some said that it was a male squallor who had used his powers to pull the volcra away from him. Racking his brain, Aleks did indeed recall a gifted squallor being on that trip. Henrik was always testing the limits of his powers and had stood out for his exemplary leadership from a young age. It wouldn’t have surprised him that he had made it out.

He rode his horse over to the crowd surrounding the tent and inwardly preened as the people there separated to let him through. It was good to know that his reputation still preceded him. He easily dismounted the steed and handed him to a stable boy who had run over upon seeing his entrance.

His oprichniki followed his lead, and without hesitation, he stepped into the tent. The smell of rotting flesh and blood tinged the air, as it did with the majority of healer tents. It didn’t bother him however, as he strode over to a dark haired young man tending a covered figure surrounded by hung blankets for what little privacy could be had in the sweltering tent.

“Moi soverennyi,” The young man gave him a quick bow before walking over to move the blankets for him.

Aleks was taken aback by the sight in front of him. Instead of Henrik, as he had assumed, it was a young girl. A healer. Her weak frame looked malnourished and she shivered despite the fact that the tent made him feel like he was being cooked alive. Her h/c hair was full of sweat and as his eyes trailed down her figure, he noticed a large black gash on her thigh and hip.

“Is this her?” He asked sternly looking at the healer.

“Yes moi soverennyi. Her injuries were very severe, and despite our best efforts, we are unable to stop the bleeding on her hip. It’s a miracle she survived as long as she has. We don’t think she’ll last much longer.” He heard the man’s voice waver at the last sentence.

“Are the two of you close?” He asked politely, not truly caring at the response, but studying her leg from afar.

“Yes, moi soverennyi, we both arrived here around the same time, I was supposed to accompany her on the skiff when I had gotten reassigned.” Ah, so survivor's guilt is why this young man kept a diligent watch over you.

“What is your name?” He asked absently.

“Ruslan. Moi soverennyi.” The boy, Ruslan, answered quickly. He gave you another nervous look, as if you had taken a turn for the worse since he had spoken to him.

“Leave us Ruslan, and you can leave too.” He dismissed his guard with a wave of his hand.

Ruslan looked like he wanted to argue, but with one stern look from Ivan, he slowly shuffled out of the tent.

When the two of you were alone, Aleks stepped closer and sat at the chair where Ruslan had been. He watched your shaking frame with a critical eye, not saying anything. How a scrawny thing like you were able to survive was beyond him, and he kept trying to think of every possible outcome of this scenario. If you happened to survive, which was very doubtful, he would have to take you to the Tsar eventually. But if you were to die here… alone, he wouldn’t have to worry about your story driving the Tsar to publicly widen the search for the sun summoner. He had to keep the efforts of the search quiet to ensure that the Tsar didn’t get ahold of that power before him. After all, the Tsar was never inclined to chase the myths that Aleks knew to be facts.

With his mind made up, a shadow swirled around his outstretched fingers, and he moved towards your injury. Perhaps a little more merzost running through your veins would do the trick, while still making it look like you succumbed from your injuries. He felt the cool tendrils of his power branch off from his hand and connect to your hip. The second the shadow touched you, he saw your body stiffen drastically, and your breathing became more ragged. Without batting an eye, he had already come up with a plan to dispose of the boy when your hand suddenly grabbed his wrist.

He cursed at the surprising touch, but continued his efforts while trying to break your grip. Your hands were ice cold, but held on as if they were made of iron, not allowing him to break free. Bodies had done stranger things in an attempt to stay alive.

As his power continued to poison your body, your hand relaxed and eventually dropped to hang off of the cot. He pressed his long fingers to your neck and felt for a pulse, when there was none, the shadows evaporated and he stood from his seat. He should have felt guilt, perhaps remorse, but all he had seen you as at the time was something in the way of his plans.

He had reached the blankets that made up the small room when his blood froze. There were slight crackling noises that had definitely not been there before. He whipped around and his eyes widened at the grisly sight before him. He hadn’t noticed the corpses before, but as their arms jerkily shot up into the air, the joints between bones twisting in the way that looked unnatural, he noticed your fingers twitching.

The decaying body on your right, jerkily sat up and he could hear the bones in his neck snapping as the corpse turned to look at him. The white eyes of the soldier following the body’s movements a second too late to look normal.

You murmured softly and the man reached his rotting arm towards him, but falling into an inanimate heap on the floor as your fingers stopped twitching. Running to your bedside, he pressed his fingers to your neck and felt your pulse jump under his touch and begin to grow stronger.

He gave one more look to the body on the floor before taking a small dagger from his cloak. He gave your prone body an eerie grin as he noticed that the bleeding on your leg had stopped. With no ceremony, he dragged the blade across the palm of his hand. Now this was something he could work with.