#that failed her in childhood and then later used her as a scapegoat for an entire war

[poebrey]

not going to lie as soon as Michael started talking about a first officer my mind jumped to Owosekun and Rhys and when Saru said Booker would make a good XO I was offended on their behalf because the man’s not even technically in starfleet

[captnjacksparrow]

SNS Dynamics - Sasuke's Perspective

Lengthy post ahead

On completing my rewatch of Naruto part I and part II, many things which never made sense started to make sense. One among them is the relationship between Naruto and Sasuke. I used to ask why Naruto is going so far for Sasuke. And why Sasuke is helping out Naruto even though he wants to kill him. And I used to think that Episode 478 was retconned to make the final battle ends in a draw and Sasuke somehow made to reconcile with the titular character. Yet, I instinctively felt, ‘Something is very different about them’. But on careful rewatch, all the clues which consolidate their relationship was there. The way they love each other is totally on a different level and the creator very carefully planned this from the beginning of the Manga.

Though I really don’t like the ending for making every characters into a child rearing machine at an age of 20 to make way for an abomination called ‘Boruto’, I still loved everything till Episode 479.

I wanted to discuss about both Naruto and Sasuke's perspective. But that cannot be accommodated in a single post. So, I decided to start with Sasuke. Since Naruto's side of SNS is very open and vocal, we clearly knew what is going on in his mind. But Sasuke's side is usually very subtle but much more intense than Naruto which makes it worth analyzing.

Before getting to that, for most of the characters in the Naruto universe (I mean 99%), Sasuke is a person who looks cool, aloof, rude, overbearing, blunt, genius and emotionless. And that’s the truth. Except for Itachi and Naruto. So when I say he is rude or arrogant, it is from the people’s POV.  And since I always see myself in Itachi, I see Sasuke as that adorable innocent child who is very honest but forgiving.

I strongly feel that Sasuke has some innocent enchantment towards Naruto ever since he lost his family which later transcended into a bond which cannot be put under Friendship or Bromance. Enchantment, here I meant by, is not in a sexual way but more like the unconscious need to be in the presence of other person. Like walking beside each other eternally. Or even warming up next to a campfire near a chilly beach. You don’t want to fall into the fire but just enjoy the warmth. It maybe totally a platonic love like many claims to be. But his absolute disinterest in any other characters (even just as a friend) and the following traits he shows only to Naruto are clearly not just distinctive of platonic love either. It’s completely beyond platonic.

The following are the traits which Sasuke shows only towards Naruto, could have been avoided or delegated to other characters if the creator really wanted to assert their relationship as just friendship. There are lot of subtexts and emotions which I cannot accept it under the guise of bromance or friendship. It’s just not possible. If someone you like shows all these traits to another person, you should stop thinking about that person and move on.

The traits are :

Preferential Treatment

Attentive

Protective

My body moved on its own

One and Only

Powerful Eyes

Unconscious Closeness

Preferential Treatment

This is the very basic and first thing you show to someone whom you love. Meaning, I will treat this person much different from everyone else. When I was exploring this trait, I couldn’t stop laughing in many places. Because Sasuke is such a trolling machine who mercilessly trolls people who are in his way. He also inspire certain amount of fear which makes him even more unapproachable.

He has this cold bearing where people find it extremely difficult to manage or approach him. It comes off as very rude most of the times. One such example is Sai told Sasuke that he will get along better with him than Naruto. Sasuke put a Genjutsu on him for comparing himself with Naruto. LOL.

What's more funny is most people (Sakura, Orochimaru, Kabuto, Sai, Hinata) usually talk to him politely with honorifics like 'Sasuke-kun'. But he didn't give two shits about them and shitted them all mercilessly.

Here is the infamous proposal from Sakura in part 1.

Well she deserved this one to be honest. Throughout the entire conversation Sasuke never saw her face and responded very bluntly even though she was pouring her heart out crying. There was no visible distress or sadness from Sasuke’s side.

Whereas with Naruto, in the final Valley of The End, we saw him turning towards Naruto and answer him properly when Naruto asked the same question of what Sakura asked. There were so many emotions throughout the battle and Sasuke’s pain of leaving Naruto was clearly shown. Which explains the difference of where Sasuke keeps Naruto in his heart.

The following is the one from Chunin Exams prelims where Sakura is begging for him to quit with tears. The response is an usual 'Stay out of my business'.

Me: Sasuke!!!! Even I don't know how to approach you!!!! I understand you don't like to talk unnecessarily so you just shitted on Sai. But Sakura is your teammate, isn't it?

And then there is this little orange blonde who literally trolls Sasuke.

I really thot Sasuke was going to trash Naruto too, like he could have easily said, 'Naruto, you should also stay out of my business'.

But then

These words are something precious for Naruto. He wished for these words to come from Sasuke someday in his lifetime. But not at that time. And he was truly shocked and very excited. Believe me, when watching that scene, it was really great. But while making analysis like this, it’s absolutely hilarious.

This dynamics is similar to

Sakura: *cries unbearably* Sasuke-kun, I am worried about you. Don’t act so strong.

Sasuke: Shut up. Mind your own business.

Naruto: Bastard! She is worried about you.

Sasuke: Alright, I love you. Now shut up.

ROOOFFFFL :-D

I thought all these childhood bickers were over by part 1 and we will never see it in part 2.

Nope. I was wrong. Kakashi and Sakura were the scapegoats here.

Here's another round of applause from Naruto.

And I honestly cannot comprehend what was going on in Sasuke's mind and why he is really rude to Sakura and Kakashi. It seems he was really irritated by their presence or he maybe thinking they were useless or both.

When Naruto asks him something, he responds without any insults. What baffles me most is that during Infinite Tsukuyomi, Sasuke wanted to kill Naruto for his Revolution and awaiting his fated battle. And yet he answers him properly.

Can you see the pattern here?

He shits on people asking some question even with an utmost polite attitude but when Naruto asks the same question he was like "Alright Sweetie, Am gonna answer anything you want and say anything you like".

The following is the beginning of everything where Naruto can't even swear properly but still Sasuke couldn't even bother.

In short, the way he treats Naruto is quite different and hilarious when compared to the others. With his cold bearing, he absolutely has no need to put up with Naruto's outburst but he still accepts without a care every time. RIP to those souls who got the short end of the stick.

He must have an extreme tolerance towards Naruto's tirades to the point where he can never insult him back. And I also believe 100% that, nobody dares to make such frequent insults on Sasuke to his face except Naruto.

I know SK shippers jump in here to say Naruto is not the only one. But still the dynamics between Karin and Sasuke is simply a mirror image of Naruto and Sasuke, probably she reminded him of Naruto and hence made some exceptions for her because Sasuke never gives a damn about any other clan other than his own, but when Kabuto tells him Karin belongs to Uzumaki clan, he was shocked. I am pretty sure the only other Uzumaki member he knew is none other than Naruto.

Now, does this means he is in super love with Naruto? No.

But the way he treats every other characters and how he treats Naruto exclusively speaks volumes and this trope shouldn’t have existed in the first place. The creator should have made Sasuke treat both of his teammates equally which could’ve deflected the shipping angle. 

Attentive

Am not talking about how attentively he analyzes his enemies in the battles. Of course, in that department, Sasuke flies high. This is about how attentive he is to Naruto to the point where he can deduce what Naruto thinks and how Naruto looks without the need to communicate with him.

I know Sasuke suspected Sakura was acting strange before Chunin Exams when she said 'Good Morning' with some hesitation. But the difference here is that Sasuke can identify Naruto without even talking to him.

Funny thing here is that Sasuke was sitting somewhere far behind from Naruto and yet he could pick up Naruto getting freaked out without seeing his face.

Who could forget about the famous ‘Where’s real Naruto?’ episode during Chunin Exams?. It would’ve been fine if this happened once. But the creator went ahead and made this thing happen twice under entirely different situations. And everytime Sasuke can find fake Naruto without fail. This scene conveys Sasuke is very observant towards Naruto’s appearance & fighting skills (the way he evades an attack).

Now, being attentive to someone is not a special thing which attributes to love. But considering Sasuke’s personality who is aloof and focused on his own world, knowing Naruto like the back of his hand  is way too descriptive. Only someone who really understands the other person or constantly paying attention can find out such subtle changes. It doesn’t end here.

This is the battle between Gaara and Naruto. Where Naruto was literally confused about how to save his friends from Gaara who is much more powerful. And yet Sasuke can find Naruto’s mood just by seeing him.

Me: Yes, Sasuke!!! Gaara happened to pass by Naruto and forgot to kill him on a whim!!! So, Naruto is scared to the shit!!

Also Me: You guys always bicker with each other and are not best of friends. Sasuke!!! How could you analyze his mood just by looking at Naruto????

In Shippuden, There’s no inner monologue like the above, but whenever Naruto appears before him (Orochimaru’s hideout, Bridge, War arc), Sasuke gives his undivided attention to him. He even went so far as to advice him to pay attention to the battle. And I was like “Wait!!! you wanted to kill him... why pay attention to him at all? Geez”.

As much as you want to think that Sasuke doesn’t care about anyone, he does care about Naruto to the point where he doesn’t want him to be worried. How thoughtful just for a ‘teammate’.

How did Sasuke knew that Naruto would worry about him?, I wonder.

But all these things started from this

This boy has been noticing Naruto from way back when he was around 7 when he lost his family. Of course he would know every little things about Naruto because for some undefinable reason he couldn’t stop paying his attention to Naruto. A lineup of girls vying for his attention because of his cool appearance, whereas Sasuke simply loved Naruto without any reservations but because of his childish and warm personality which reminded him of his family.

‘I couldn’t stop paying attention to you’  and in some translations the words were ‘I couldn’t take my eyes off you’. Either way, these words are not for someone you see just as a friend let alone a brother.

Protectiveness

I can go on and on about how protective Sasuke is towards Naruto. I can write a separate post about it. This is the most important aspects of this ship which makes it sail higher than any other ships.

Of course, this is the Ninja world where people wants to protect each other and at the same time kill each other too. Sasuke protecting Naruto and Naruto protecting Sasuke is not too special. In fact, one of the weak and pathetic character like Sakura was saved once in every three episodes by Naruto or Kakashi or even by Sasuke sometimes.

And yet here I am mentioning protectiveness as the most important aspect of this ship. So what differentiates?

The way Sasuke protects Naruto is one of the intense thing I’ve ever seen. When I watch this series, I gained this immense ability to put myself in other characters mind just like Naruto. When I put myself in Sasuke’s mind whenever he tried to protect Naruto under different conditions, I simply cannot put their relationship under Friendship.

Here, Naruto is fighting Gaara in part 1 and Naruto was repelled by his own attack from the paper bomb. Sasuke being already battered by his curse mark bruise and he couldn’t move an inch. And yet he is shielding Naruto even though it is completely unnecessary because Naruto bumping into a tree log is completely normal. The creator even went under a lot of pain to draw that panel which took 40% of the page.

Now you may question, many characters even died protecting someone. What’s so special with just shielding?

Like Hinata jumping in for suicide before Pain, Iruka blocking Mizuki’s attack, Tsunade blocking Orochimaru, Neji dying as a ‘Love Cupid’ for hinata and Naruto.... I can cite many things here. What’s common among them all is that they were all perfectly capable of moving around and yet decided to save Naruto.

But that’s not the only point. 

Is there any need for him to save Naruto? No.

Will Naruto die if he didn’t shield him? No.

Then why? He could have spent that energy trying to do something for Sakura rather than do a pointless shielding. 

And then there is Kushina.

Naruto’s mom was already on the verge of dying as she had Kurama extracted from her body and Jinchuriki without a Tailed Beast will die. Because of Uzumaki clan’s strong life force, she could hold off for a bit longer. When kurama attacked Naruto, she shielded him with her body and saved her son from an imminent death.

Even though Sasuke didn’t die shielding him, but there is a semblance.

Both protected Naruto even when their body condition is worse. That is, Protect at all cost attitude.

I intended to put Land of the Waves arc here as it is very similar to what happens with Kushina. But that’s for an upcoming section.

Now, as a Mother her instinct to protect Naruto is very strong.

But who is Naruto for Sasuke? What makes his instinct so strong to protect someone who is not even related by his blood? Until and unless you love that person dearly you won’t do it.

That brings me to the next thing.

Yeah, it kind of looks ‘very friendly’ to give a 3 layered protection to someone who is already powered up like you and most importantly you want to kill him.(Can I say that looks really romantic?). Anyways my point is different.

What really happens here is this

It is a well established fact that Minato, the Yellow Flash is the fastest shinobi in Narutoverse. It wasn’t surpassed yet. He uses the Hiraishin No Jutsu to teleport at the speed of light. It was invented by none other than Tobirama Senju who is the fastest shinobi of his time.

We basically have two fastest shinobi in the battlefield here. And Minato being the fastest among them, definitely don’t want to blow up near his son for whom he died protecting him once. He wanted to teleport somewhere away and before he could do it, Tobirama teleported the bomb back to Obito.

What many fails to notice here is that all these things are happening in mere seconds. But Sasuke realized it real quick as usual and protects Naruto in an instant. How fast his instinct you may ask? Quicker than the two fastest shinobi on the battlefield and one among them is Naruto’s dad.

What I want to say is Sasuke’s protective instinct is quicker than Naruto’s father and similar to Naruto’s mother.

And you know, I questioned myself during the Chunin Exams arc “I think in the Zabuza arc, Naruto conveniently happened to be near Sasuke, So he protected him at the cost of his life. What if Sakura happens to be there? Would he have done the same? Maybe he would’ve died protecting her too.”

But all of my questions were thrown into drain by Sasuke as if he was able to read my mind. The answer is “Hell! I don’t care if she died. That’s her loss. I will not die for her sake.”

This is really confusing, hilarious and romantic at the same time.

Me: Sasuke!!! I understand why you want to save Jugo... Even though you abandoned him in the Land of Iron. LOL. What are you going to do with Naruto anyway when the whole world is blasted off?

He proved this again in the Kaguya’s Lava dimension too. Before you tell me that he saved Naruto because he needs him to seal off Kaguya, the previous scenario nullifies your argument.

And SS wankers shamelessly defending that Sasuke don’t want Sakura to die by Kaguya’s hands, that’s why he left her to die. Geez!!! Who the hell is Sakura to Kaguya anyway? Even if she were to die by Kaguya’s hands, it would almost look like how Obito died. It’s not bad at all. But falling into the lava pit, burning, screaming.... sssshhhh. Wake the f**k up!!!

Now how can you convince me that this is just Friendship? What’s more funny is Sasuke wanted to kill Naruto later at some point. Throughout the War Arc I was always confused as to why Sasuke even care about Naruto at all? He didn’t care about him ever since he left him 3 or 4 years ago and he doesn’t have to. After all everyone have their own paths to walk on.

Even if I put myself in Sasuke’s mind and see Naruto just as a friend whom I want to kill, I wouldn’t go under so much pain to save him. I would feel like it’s better for him to die by something else rather than me. Because I can’t bring myself to kill someone I know well.

These scenes are not just put there by chance.

Such a strong reflex to protect someone is only possible when you consider that person’s life more than yours.

Does any other ship has such things to show? I’ll wait.

Yeah Sasuke protected Sakura from Orochimaru and Gaara. But he also went so far to wait for Karin and awakened a new power to protect her. So does this means he love those girls?? No. He was just showing a team camaraderie. But it’s funny that later, he tried to kill those girls knowing full well they are unprepared to fight him. While with Naruto, it always comes with a warning. Try to understand this difference. Which is exactly why I didn’t put Sasuke saving Naruto during his Chakra training, or falling from the waterfall and many more. Because they are just a team camaraderie.

I don’t even have to compare with other ships, did Sasuke ever protected anyone like this in the whole series?. These are the things which could’ve been avoided or handled in a different way, like there was no need to emphasize on saving Naruto alone while ignoring others.

My body moved on its own

I don’t need to explain this any deeper. There are many people who says Sasuke is incapable of showing his true feelings. He is cold, rude, aloof and stoic so he always hides his feelings for everyone (mostly this line was used by Sakura wankers who wanted to portray that Sasuke always loved Sakura deeply but never shows). But they fail to understand the irony that one of the most beautiful line in this entire series was told by none other than ‘Sasuke Uchiha’, “My body moved on its own”.

Yet I find Sasuke shows his honest and heartful emotions before the people he loves. If he can show that to Itachi and Naruto, why not with Sakura?

I know those wankers try to say Sasuke repressed all his feelings until Chapter 698, so he has some romantic feelings for Sakura too. Bullshit!!!

Even though he repressed those feelings in his mind, his body always betrays him in the end and his feelings pours out from time to time. That is what this section explores about.

Man, this is the most painful GIF I have ever made.

In his battle with Itachi, he was completely consumed by the feeling of revenge and hatred for his brother. But when Itachi approached him in his final moments with an intention (seemingly) to snatch his eyes, he still couldn't push Itachi away though he could have. Sasuke just looked into his eyes and let him do whatever he was about to do.

Why?, Because he loved his brother so much once that he don't know what to do but simply embrace that moment. These are the moments your mind says to close your eyes or even run away (he totally could have) but his body will not allow him to.

This is what I meant by your body betrays yourself. Even in your darkest moments, you cannot fake. You always show your true emotions towards the person you love. The more you suppress, the more it will burst out.

Here Sasuke’s hatred is glaring through his eyes because Sakura is persuading him to not do something he wants to (as always). His only motivation is to kill that man. His resolve is a real deal.

But in a matter of minutes after giving that long hateful speech with some heavy determination, when he saw that hungry blonde boy who was tied up for trying to steal food, Sasuke just acted on his own and served him food even though he was told not to which could jeopardize his career.

This bipolar dance is something to notice throughout the series and is always interesting to explore. When Sakura tries to dissuade Sasuke from something, he always retorts to insults or an angry stare. But when Naruto accidentally stands in Sasuke’s way, he always involuntarily helps him out.

In short, towards Sakura he was like “Even you cannot take that path away from me” but when turning towards Naruto, he was like “Well, I can risk everything for you at the cost of my path”.

This seals the real deal for SNS ship.

At this point, for us viewers, Naruto is just an orphan who has no friends but always carries his life with a positive spirit hoping that someday he will be accepted by everyone.

Unbeknownst the fact that he already has one person who was willing to die for him and putting all his dreams into fire.

Important thing to notice, It’s entirely at Naruto’s fault for them being in this situation. If Naruto had used a bit of brain to attack from outside the mirror, they wouldn’t have been in this situation. But still Sasuke plunged into the trap without any regrets. That’s the beauty of this scene.

What’s more thrilling is that the creator told us Sasuke loved Naruto in the very next chapter itself. 

How?

By making Haku jump before Zabuza knowing full well that he is going to die which is not very different from how Sasuke shielded Naruto.

And not only that, but by making Naruto say “He really loved you”. I got to say the creator may sucks at writing Sakura and Hinata for God only knows for whatever twisted reasons. But when it comes to male characters like Naruto, Sasuke, Itachi, Obito... he was just amazing and on another level.

How?

By indirectly drawing parallels between Sasuke and Haku in a matter of successive chapters.

By dropping indirect hints and crumbs like these to tell us, the audience, the motivations of the characters.

I always had the thought why did he risked his life for a boy who always fights with him? This became more emotional when we get to know the real reason for why Sasuke risked his life much later in chapter 698.

Having faced all the turbulent things in his life, somehow seeing Naruto doing all those childish stuffs made him feel relieved. That warmth was what he needed at that time. He wanted to escape from it but couldn’t. That’s why he embraced his warmth unknowingly in his Team 7 days by constantly reaching out to him starting from asking tips, concerned about having breakfast and training with him to climb the tree.

Sasuke even come to like Naruto more than himself and that’s why he was willing to die for him.

This feeling is definitely not a bromance or friendship. It’s an innocent enchantment you hope to last forever. Which again explains why he tolerated Naruto’s insults and hostility all those times. Because Sasuke knew those childish things were the ones he got attracted to him ever since his childhood. Rather than saying tolerated, I should use the term enjoyed. He really enjoyed those moments being bugged by Naruto for no reason.

Because just like Itachi said to Sasuke once, ‘If you are excellent you become alienated and arrogant even though you were sought after at the beginning’ . But Naruto pestering him means he is very curious about Sasuke which no one else tried. He was adored by those girls for his coolness and revered by those boys for his excellence but nobody really tried to befriend him. But Naruto tried to befriend him through Rivalry. That’s why Sasuke unconsciously started to like him. This also explains why he roasted Sakura for badmouthing him even though Naruto attacked him and tied him up earlier.

If Sasuke can show all these feelings even though he was trying to suppress it towards Naruto and Itachi, Why can’t he show a single normal feeling towards Sakura??? Because there isn’t one. Except for an old Team 7 camaraderie where he saw her as an acquaintance and nothing more.

Many NH shippers claims, but Hinata loved her ‘Naruto-Kun’. She jumped in front of Naruto to save him from Pain, when in reality she just acted selfishly and couldn’t pull out the Chakra rods. Meaning she failed whatever she was about to do.

Another interesting thing to cite for NH shippers, they claim for Naruto, Hinata is the most important person his life. Since when? With that shitty movie called ‘The Last’ with shitty retconned stuff? In all the 699 chapters he always claimed Iruka Sensei and Sasuke were the important people in his life. And you know what? For Hinata to like Naruto, he has to jump in to save her from the bullies. But for Sasuke he just saved Naruto without any validation. He saw Naruto and liked his presence and just did it. 

When you could accept that failed attempt as a love, why not accept Sasuke loves Naruto when in fact he succeeded in saving him and that too unconditionally?

This is one of the tropes which should have been avoided if the creator wanted Sasuke and Naruto to be just friends.

One and Only

This is something very special that is offered to that one person in his life. That is Naruto. Even Itachi knew it. That is the Power to influence Sasuke’s heart. This is the fact even Sasuke himself knew it and that’s why he wanted to kill him.

Now don’t compare this with the manipulation shit which Orochimaru and Obito were doing. It’s not that. Many Sasuke fanatics always blame Naruto that he is also manipulating Sasuke just like everyone. That’s totally wrong.

Manipulation is something you do by talking about some twisted facts and make the other person to do what you want to.

Naruto never did that. Ever. Whenever Naruto and Sasuke meet, they always talk about themselves and how they feel. Not the world, not Team 7 or anything. Which is exactly why Sasuke himself willingly left that space in his heart for Naruto when he left him in the Valley of the End which he badly wanted to destroy. Sasuke, of all people, know Naruto is also very honest.

Sasuke lost all his rationality when he went into darkness by stabbing Karin who was helping him in his battle with Danzo. She even replenished his chakra many times. He not only just stabbed her, after when he found her still alive, he decided to finish her off with his Chidori.

And then the pink haired bitch appears before him and started to concoct lies with malicious intent to kill him. This provoked Sasuke more and more to reach this point.

Believe me, when you are lost in darkness, all you need is a small light which can show you a path. Someone who can extend helping hands to lift you up with honesty.

Sakura, being a crass woman, riled up Sasuke further with full of nonsense.

If you want to picture the darkness,

This is exactly how Sasuke feels. He is in so much pain and don’t know how to face it or deal with it. So he started to destroy everything he sees. For him Karin, Sakura, Kakashi are all just some pebbles in his way and want to trample them as he goes. His entire life has become farce after knowing his beloved brother’s real pain and miseries. Now he has no one left from his family.

Until Naruto appears.

He may not be his family, but he is the only person left for him in this world. Which is established in many Naruto endings and even Sasuke himself accepts this with Sage of Six Paths. 

But my Cherry Blossom queen really loved Sasuke, she only wanted the good of him. My question is ‘Then why the fuck she tried to kill him? She looked at Sasuke and find that he changed. She didn’t even bothered to find out what’s going on from his side.’ Then how is this considered as wanting only good for him? 

Surprisingly Sasuke calmed down a bit, the moment Naruto appears and even started to respond to him which he didn’t before with Kakashi and Sakura. Deep down Sasuke himself knew in his heart that the path he is going through is Self-destructive. Just like Kurama tells Naruto ‘Destroy everything you see’ in the Pain arc when he sprouted upto Eighth Tail, Sasuke’s traumatic mind tells him to ‘Destroy Konoha’.

All he needed was someone to extend an helping hand to tell him what to do without any malice. Naruto did that. Just like what Minato did for Naruto in Pain arc.

After clashing Rasengan with Chidori ,they meet inside the White bubble space and Naruto talks to Sasuke which evoked all his past memories which he never wanted to awaken.

That’s why Sasuke was visibly shaken with Naruto’s words. Because those were the words which mirrors exactly how Sasuke feels too. He was surprised and shocked that Naruto also felt the same way without him ever openly confessing those feelings.

When everyone tried to kill him for his monstrosity, Naruto is the only person standing there seeing him as his friend. Just like how Iruka saw Naruto way back in 1st chapter.

Believe me, even at the depth of darkness, when you see the person you love so much, you will stop and rationalize.

That is exactly why Itachi left Sasuke in Naruto’s hands. He even admitted to Sasuke that his words will not reach him no matter what.

Sasuke may not have abandoned his ambitions at that point. But Naruto gave him a clear path. That is ‘Show all your hatred on me’ and then do whatever you want.

I know SS shippers will claim that back hug from Sakura changed his murderous behaviour during the Chunin Exams. Yes. That’s true. But right after that, when Sasuke was fighting Yoroi in a one-on-one combat, his Cursed Seal flares up again. He retracted that seal out of his sheer will and thought about both Sakura and Naruto who was freaking out without even knowing about the seal. So, it’s not only a Sakura exclusive moment. The creator even went ahead and drawn a panel asking Sakura to not say anything about the Curse Mark to Naruto. Why do that?

As far as I understand, Sasuke saw Naruto and felt the warmth of his family. He singled that out in chapter 698. When Naruto was placed in the same team as him, he started to extend his good side to his other team members as well. But the moment he decided to leave the village, he severed the ties with Sakura (was there ever one apart from considering her as a teammate?) by saying Thank You. Meaning, you helped me many times so thanks for all of that. What’s more pitiful is, he didn’t even look at her face for the entire conversation except for saying ‘You are really annoying’. There is nowhere in the manga where Sasuke singled out Sakura for making him feel anything and did something for her exclusively. It’s all in the context of Team 7.

If Sakura is the most important person in Sasuke’s life, he should have stopped the rampage the moment he saw her but instead he got riled up more and more. Which explains where Sasuke kept her in his heart. Literally nowhere. He threw her into the trash. LOL.

If Hulk can calm down after seeing Betty Ross and you call that love, why not accept Sasuke loves Naruto??

Powerful Eyes

You know, Even in real life, Our eyes always reflects our true feelings, just like how your body betrays your mind , your eyes even betray your body.

Just like how Itachi could never fake his evil brother act in his final moments.

Just like how Sasuke couldn’t turn away from Itachi when he was approaching him to seemingly snatch his eyes.

Uchiha boys being a romantic bunch, always expose their awakening/ reawakening/ evolving their Sharingan in a most distressed situation. Just like Madara and Sasuke exposed their brimming eyes for Hashirama and Naruto. But in this department, Madara is wildly romantic as always. LOL. Despite losing 3 brothers, he awakened his Sharingan only when he was breaking up with his ‘friend’. And Sasuke, he reawakened / evolved Sharingan when trying to save / breaking up with his ‘friend’. Such a Biological defect!!!!

Poor Sakura pathetically fails in this department.

Anyways this part is not about Sharingan anyway. It’s about how such a powerful eyes becomes powerless before those Blue Eyes.

Eye Symbolism is something I really enjoy exploring in this ship.

Like I mentioned earlier, Sasuke has never shown his emotions atleast starting from Part II. He usually never shows any positive emotions like happiness, laughing, pouting, love, excitement (although he has shown all these towards Itachi and Naruto) and is known for negative emotions like anger, annoyance, hatred.

Look at how Sasuke is glaring with hatred for her insensitive words. She deserved this to be honest.

Now, is there any need to show your fury towards Kabuto?

Since the beginning of the Shippuden, some facts have been established strongly:

1. Sasuke has changed by leaps and bounds in terms of his attitude and hatred.

2. Sharingan is pretty dangerous. Many characters including kurama acknowledges it. Sasuke is very adept at using his Sharingan.

Orochimaru maybe right. But he doesn’t know the weakness. LOL

His hatred has reached to a point where he couldn’t think anything rationally and started to kill everyone, just like how Naruto kicked Sakura in his 4 Tailed Kyuubi Mode engulfed with the hatred of Kurama. Meaning, to reach his goal, Sasuke will kill anyone in his path without any hesitation. This shot is the representation of this.

And yet when he saw those particular Blue eyes, he stops his rampage immediately and visibly shocked even.  That’s the look of ‘why is that blue eyes here?’

You have every right to accuse me that I am over exaggerating this scene. I am not. Even I wanted to think that way too that I am deluding myself. The creator has only consolidated my view pretty strongly.

There’s no need to emphasize on eyes at all. The anime team has went under so much pain to animate this scene in a satisfying and compelling way.

What’s more? The creator even went under further extent to draw a whole page in the manga focusing on their eye contact after the Rasengan vs Chidori clash. Meaning, Sasuke has calmed down visibly and became very easy to reason with.

Trust me, even in your darker / vulnerable moments, your eyes will reflect your true feelings to the person you love. You cannot be stubborn. 

Now did it stop here?? Nope, it happened again in the Final Valley of the End battle too.

Sasuke is usually confident of his Sharingan (rightfully so) and likes to flaunt his eyes just like Madara. He was very sure that he was going to win.

While Sasuke had a clear resolve to kill Naruto when he was showing his back, but the moment he comes close with those Blue Eyes, his heart even pounded strongly (in the anime), and lost the resolve completely which made his Sharingan retract itself unconsciously. Meaning, his eyes betrayed him.

It’s funny that not even a minute ago he was very proud of his Visual Prowess as an Uchiha and his victory is inevitable but the moment he saw those Blue eyes, he just lost. You think I am again exaggerating?. Nope!!!

Oh Dear!!! This doesn’t get more romantic than this. An inescapable gaze from those blue eyes he loved all along.

Sasuke!! What happened to your proud Uchiha eyes?. You just stole Chakra from Naruto, isn’t it? Hints like these are really heartwarming, to be honest.

My entire point is, every character from every arc hypes up Sharingan starting from Zabuza, Haku, Rock Lee, Orochimaru, Kabuto, Kurama and many more, but why put a weakness for Naruto’s eyes? 

What I really loved exploring is the way Sasuke totally expressed everything through his eyes in Episode 478.

Sasuke shows his vulnerability towards Naruto with just his eyes. These are not something you show to everyone. Even when Itachi departed finally after releasing Edo Tensei, Sasuke looked sad, shocked and pained but didn’t cry. He accepted the reality of it. The last time when we saw him crying, it was after knowing the truth of Itachi, facing towards the beach and was weeping unbearably because there was no one else for him in this world. But this time, he is next to the person whom he feels truly loved and he doesn’t mind showing it with his eyes.

Well, on multiple rewatches, the clues for their love was already dropped in the 1st Valley of the End fight itself. Sasuke already lost his resolve to kill by balling his chidori fist rather than ramming through his chest. So the feelings inside the bubble are their honest emotions like always.

The pain on the verge of their separation inside the white bubble is clearly evident from their eyes even in their monstrous form. Even in the manga it was mentioned that ‘I can’t turn my back  Vs  I am not letting you go’

But what they really wanted to be from their childhood was this.

Look at Sasuke, how entranced he was on looking at that innocent boy. Now put yourself at Sasuke’s mind. Will you ever look at your friend like that??? Now, they are probably just 7 here, am not romanticizing. But Sasuke looks enthralled innocently.

But somehow, their paths separated them for who knows how long. But the pain in both their eyes is unbearable. Even the databook, mentioned that separating from Naruto is like ripping half of his body. Well, this proves it.

Now, if they really wanted to portray this as friendship, they never should have given Eye symbolism at all. They should have gone with ‘I was always jealous of you’ thing, like they portrayed in that filler episode 450.I would’ve gladly accepted it as friendship. Because that’s how friends behave when they are jealous and I wasn’t feeling any romance at all. There’s no need of that lengthy monologue on how he was always looking at Naruto and felt pain.

I am telling you, I won’t be looking at my friend like this. 

Unconscious closeness

Remember, I’ve written in the beginning of the post that Sasuke enjoys the warmth from Naruto. Meaning, he likes that person’s presence unconsciously and want to be near him. Sasuke proved this many times.

This is the most intense and confusing section I have to dissect for this post. But it’s the most entertaining nonetheless, atleast for me.

Starting from the Land of the Waves arc, here Sasuke is speed walking to match up with Naruto.

Initially I thought, he is trying to be competitive. But instead of walking ahead of Naruto to show who is faster, he just walks beside him. I find this really hilarious and adorable. This just shows Sasuke likes Naruto’s presence so much so that he wants to walk beside him.

Now many SS shippers tries to make this scene for themselves, when it is clearly not.

If you notice Sasuke in the Bell Training, he compares his strength difference with Kakashi and determines to get stronger. Same with Might Guy, he compares Might Guy’s speed with his own Sensei. Meaning, he respects people with strength. Naturally, he should’ve asked her and Sakura would have given him tips wholeheartedly. Because she really succeeded in that training.

Why bother to ask a deadlast?

The only reason I could find is that he wants to befriend him in his own stubborn way. But Poor Soul!!! He didn’t get the tips anyway. LOL. But despite getting the short end of the stick, he never hold it against him. Just like he never held anything against Naruto when he tied him up in Episode 3. All he did was just flaunt how he escaped.

Pretty cool for a 12 year old kid. Because If I were Sasuke, I would hold it for sure.

Once again Sasuke proves how he can care Naruto in his own adorable way.

He could’ve said ‘I am going to train too” if he really intended to train. There is no need to say ‘Going for a Walk’ and ask Naruto about breakfast. This explains that Sasuke simply missed the boy’s prolonged absence and reached out to him in his own cute way.

Now all these doesn’t mean he was in love with him. It’s just a childish attraction which makes him act like that involuntarily.

I just added this GIF to compare with the next scene.

Now Shikamaru falling on Naruto in an unconventional way doesn’t look anywhere romantic. Instead it’s the opposite. They are pretty friendly here.

But Sasuke’s approach to Naruto does looks undeniably sensual and I couldn’t deny the sexual tension that brings with it. (Even when I watched it for the first time having no idea of shipping anyone, I lowkey got creeped and thought, ‘Sasuke!! What have you become? ’)

This scene is something even I can’t dissect. Because honestly I don’t know. Sasuke is a person who never appreciates physical touches nor does he initiates either.

I get this crazy femme fatale vibe when seeing Sasuke with his sexy costume landing at a speed of lightning with his hands wrapped around Naruto and taunting near his ear about what was he doing there? The only reason I could think of is that maybe he missed him for 3 years which made him go unconsciously so close near Naruto. It’s also funny that he could’ve shoved his sword into Naruto’s heart before landing and no one could’ve batted an eyelid.

Damn you, Kishimoto!!! Is this scene absolutely necessary??? What are you trying to convey? Why do you give Sasuke, a sexualized aura?? I understand you love this character so much and you want this character to be desirable among women. Yeah, you succeeded by making Karin behave like a woman in heat, the moment they met. But instead of letting her get close to him, you made Sasuke to say ‘You... Don’t get so close’ whereas with Naruto, you made Sasuke to go willingly touch him in a half hugging stance. Geez!!!

Here comes the most interesting part in this section.

It may seem irrelevant at the beginning but trust me, it will make sense later.

Before that, I would like to appreciate the creator and especially the anime team to bring the battle sequence so lively and different in its own way. If you notice the purpose of every battle that happened in Naruto series, each carries it own meaning and deliberately distinguished. How you ask?

The fight between Deidara vs Sasuke.

Logically Deidara should be dead in the Gaara retrieval arc itself. There is no point for him to chase Sasuke who killed Orochimaru to whom Deidara had nothing to do with. It didn’t impact the story in any way. But the purpose of that battle is to show how far Sasuke has grown up in those 3 years. The way he can use his Sharingan to analyze his enemies abilities and weakness so quickly and take multiple steps ahead, the way he can use Genjutsu and other incredible jutsus in his arsenal were a visual treat.

Now, let’s analyze Sasuke’s arsenal of Jutsus. He can do Teleportation Jutsu, a decent Genjutsu, Chidori Senbon (needles), Raikiri (Chidori sword which ranges to 5 metres), Chidori Nagash (Chidori from his whole body), Transformation Jutsu, Substitution Jutsu Shuriken Jutsu with wire works, Kirin, Gokakyu No jutsu, Sword fighting, basic Hand-to-Hand fighting (I’ve never seen him do it ever since the Chunin Exams with Orochimaru), Archery fighting, Susanoo, Amaterasu and all the Rinnegan abilities.

Based on the jutsus he learned so far and how he applies in every battle, it all confirms two things:

Sasuke is a Medium-Long Range Shinobi

Sasuke’s battles are usually based on his Cleverness

Let’s go for Naruto. He can do Teleportation Jutsu, Sexy Jutsu, Harem no jutsu, Rasengan, Rasen Shuriken, Oodama Rasengan, Biju Dama, Tailed Beast Mode, Kage Bunshin No jutsu, Sage mode jutsu, Frog Kumite, Better Hand-to-Hand combat skills (better than Sasuke), Transformation Jutsu, Substitution Jutsu and all his Six path abilities.

Compared to Sasuke, Naruto’s jutsu variety is very less. But for every 4 punches from Sasuke equals 1 powerful punch from Naruto. Analyzing all of them,

Naruto is a Close-Range Shinobi except for his Rasen Shuriken

Naruto’s battles are usually based on his Jutsu Timing and Unpredictability

Now, Let’s rewind back to 3 years and look at the 1st Valley of the End battle. That battle was cleverly choreographed which carried very intense emotional baggage. Things we never knew about those boys until then were openly admitted and acknowledged. That is, for Sasuke, Naruto became his closest friend. For Naruto, he always wanted to be Sasuke’s friend way back when he was 6 or 7. For both, they already have some unexplainable bond by just looking at each other and smiling secretly.

The theme of that battle started as Am going on my own path vs I can’t allow you to tread on that dangerous path and ended up with I want to break our bond vs I don’t want to.

Now, this posture represents, Naruto is the one who pursues Sasuke to stop him from whatever he was about to do. Meaning, Naruto is the one who is constantly reaching out and Sasuke as usual kicks him out violently, that is he is pushing him away. That’s the essence of the whole battle.

Considering all the battles in the Naruto universe, I categorize them as follows:

Best Calculated (and emotional) battle - Itachi vs Sasuke

Best Hand-to-Hand combat - Kakashi vs Obito (what a fight it was!!!)

Best Mega Powered Up battle - Hashirama vs Madara

Best Emotional battle - Naruto vs Sasuke (1st valley of the end)

Best Unpredictable/Entertaining battle - Naruto vs Pain

Despite having all the potential to fulfill the above categories, The Final Valley of the End Battle never bested in any of them.

As analyzed before, the boys have grown up to greater heights. I expected a battle between Cleverness of Sasuke Vs Unpredictability of Naruto

But what I observed was something so intense. That is Unintentional closeness.

This battle symbolizes one thing: I am going to kill you to get lonely vs I won’t let you kill me because you will be alone.

Being a long range fighter, I expected Sasuke to go for this.

If you have to kill someone you love, it is best to keep your distance. Sasuke knows this full well when he battled with Itachi. Except for some Sword fighting, he maintained a certain distance to fight Itachi throughout, until the very end.

But when fighting Naruto, all I got was this.

That’s when I finally understood that this posture means, the fight is very personal. Which means, Sasuke or Naruto won’t be fighting by sitting on top of each other with their enemies or anyone else. That’s just between them alone.  

There was no analysis or cleverness from Sasuke’s side or any Unpredictability from Naruto. It was very bland and Sasuke looked clueless throughout the fight.

It started with some boxing style combat, including stealing hand seals and then some power punches. Very quickly it propels to Susanoo vs Tailed Beast mode. I expected some Hashirama vs Madara level power battle.

But all we saw there was this.

I mean, Come on!!! Man. Even the most Crazy and openly Romantic Uchiha, Madara himself never fought like this in Susanoo with Hashirama (Though Madara must be thinking ‘Damn Hashirama! I should’ve tried this with you’. LOL). Those mega battles carried variety of tactics.

Another thing I noticed was, Sasuke is the one who does lots of talking and constantly pursuing Naruto. Whereas Naruto is uncharacteristically quiet for the most part. 

And finally it leads to this.

Sasuke was unconsciously getting closer and closer to Naruto which is the opposite of what he wants to do. Because of that very closeness, he couldn’t look at his eyes with his Sharingan and eventually got an uppercut. It’s like Sasuke was screaming, ‘Hate me’ and Naruto was like ‘Keep talking’.

Every jutsu he had for attacking from a long-range were forgotten. He didn’t even try to put Naruto under Genjutsu. I mean with his Rinnegan, he was capable of putting all the 9 Tailed Beasts into a powerful Genjutsu. Why didn’t he try that with Naruto? There was no Chidori Stream or Lightning Blade.

I can imagine Naruto doing close range fights with someone or even sitting on top of the enemy. Example, part I, Naruto head bumped Gaara. He was literally fighting with his Shadow Clones against a Monster so he had to get closer. Naruto monstrously punching Deidara not knowing the fact that it was a clay clone.

But Sasuke??? Can you imagine Sasuke sitting on top of the enemy and punching to pulp??? No way. Not a chance.!!!

In one way or other way, Sasuke was always in the close proximity with Naruto throughout the battle and touching each other which is totally uncharacteristic of him when compared to his other battles.

Every battle he ever fought was always at a distance which is the clear representation of his own character. He is calculative, analytical, precise and moves fluidly with a flair like a true Ninja unlike Naruto who is always reckless, noisy, powerful and clumsy. 

Sasuke is someone who never lets his emotions get ahead in the battle, unlike Naruto. This is evident from the War when he was yelling at Naruto to stop worrying about Hokage as they were Edo Tensei who can regenerate. Even when fighting with Itachi, he calculated every move and attacked Itachi without any emotions except at the very end. Sasuke in this final battle forgot who he was and telling us viewers “Am just gonna get closer to Naruto and punch him hard”.

In short, Sasuke completely forgot all his battle tactics he had with Itachi and let his emotions get ahead of his cleverness and got himself closer to Naruto which eventually ended up weakening his resolve to kill him. This is what I meant by Unintentional Closeness.

Anyways, what I understood was, the creator didn’t put all this by without any meaning. It’s all very deliberate and drawn carefully.

Moving onto the final and the most defining moments of SNS.

When I watched this scene for the first time, I can’t comprehend the exact meaning. And I forgot about this later because of my excitement to know what happens next. But what I understood on my rewatch is that, the feelings exchanged here is very pure and innocent but distressing.

Sasuke already lost his resolve to kill by not ramming Naruto with Chidori instead balled up his fist. So he is not contemplating whether or not to kill Naruto.

Sasuke made every effort to leave Naruto and succeeded in it too. But somehow, accidentally, when faced with a person whom he considers so precious in such a close proximity, despite have a stinging pain in his arm, he is feeling the warmth he once felt. He just wants that warmth to prolong for some more time and he can’t able to evade it. So he totally gave in to that desire and feeling it unconsciously. Sasuke always watched Naruto (unbeknownst to him) and felt warmth, relief and weakness. This scene is the symbolic and innocent representation of all those feelings when he saw Naruto and he is exeriencing it for the final time. 

Does this means, does Sasuke wants to kiss him? No.

But every symbolism of that being happening is there. It’s just all open to interpretations. The creator could show us how Sasuke fell on his knees and staring at Naruto intently but never intended to show when he got up and left. I don’t understand this twisted mind of the creator.

Added to that, Sasuke was about to say ‘Naruto, I....’ God only knows what he was about to say. But every possibility of Sasuke confessing and kissing is there.

I know the creator cannot approach this directly considering the situations he worked under. But is there any necessity for such an intense scene? Even the anime creators loved this scene and made their own version of making Naruto’s eyes wide open and even more closer.

I wont be watching my friend or sister like that. 

That explains all the way back to this fated accidental scene.

There is nothing special about this scene. It’s all very clear that the kiss was accidental. It was really funny. But my point is why Sasuke never beat him to pulp or even push Naruto away like he did with Sakura and Karin? Why did he stood up for Naruto before Sakura? Why did he let go off Naruto even though he tied him up? Too many leeway for a single person in a single episode. And the most important part is, Sasuke thought it was intentional and remembers the taste. LOL.

Does this means he enjoyed the kiss? Not at all.

Most probably he was shocked to see Naruto in such a close proximity after seeing him from a distance for all those years. And he enjoys this as just another prank from Naruto in his own innocent way. But he won’t mind getting another one from Naruto either.

So, to conclude

I believe I made this post from an objective standpoint without making crazy theories and I don’t have to..... since canonical resources were plenty. Obviously my own bias will also be there which is unavoidable. But I tried to question the creative choices of why this scene even exist in the first place many times. Because those are the scenes which made the most impact inside me.

My first watch of Naruto gave me the benefit of doubt that ‘Are they in love? Nah... They are friends. Maybe I am just overthinking...  but why does it feel different??’ and that too only after finishing episode 478. After rewatching it again and again, it only consolidated my view.

For Sasuke, his worldly ties are pretty thin and runny. He was always a loner from the beginning even when he had his family. He never bothered to make any friends nor did anyone tried to befriend him. He was pretty close to his family especially Itachi. When he lost everything, somehow he got attracted innocently to Naruto and started to like him. But beyond Naruto he never bothered to add anyone in his heart. He considered Kakashi and Sakura were like his acquaintances who helped him a lot and that’s all.

Then after using Orochimaru, he gathered some high skilled shinobi for killing Itachi. But he made it clear that there don’t need to be any understanding but just co-operation would be enough. But along his way, he just abandoned Jugo, Suigetsu somewhere. He openly said to Karin that she is nothing but a burden to him. When his hatred reached upto a maximum boiling point, he didn’t even hesitate to kill Karin, Kakashi or Sakura. But the moment Naruto appears he calmed down. The proof? He was shocked to see Naruto at first. Then Naruto calls, ‘Sasuke!!!’, to which Sasuke responds with, ‘What?’. Despite becoming a maniac, he could find it in his heart to listen to Naruto.

It took an Edo Tenseified Itachi to bring him some rationality to question his beliefs about destroying Konoha. When Jugo and Suigetsu appear again, he casually asked them, ‘What do you want with me at this point?’, I mean, Come On, Man. LOL.  Even during the war arc, when things were about to blast off he only cared about Jugo (who helped him many times, so understandable) and Naruto (Geez!!! LOL).

Even after their final battle, the anime went so far as to create a scene where they were alone in a bright Konoha. But Sasuke looked very peaceful and listening to Naruto intently. When Naruto freaks out about Infinite Tsukuyomi, he casually laughs off and says ‘you still care about the world’. Meaning, he is happy there spending time alone with the person he loves. Doesn’t give a rat’s ass about missing anyone else. (How romantic!!!). Honestly, Sasuke wouldn’t mind if they were to stay that way forever. He would gladly listen to Naruto all day.  But when Naruto disappears he freaks out and starting to make up his mind about joining his brother.

It’s very clear that the people he adores are Itachi and Naruto. Towards Itachi, it’s super understandable, because he is his own brother. But Naruto??? Why should the creator go so far as to make Sasuke adores Naruto even after breaking up with him?

And why make Sasuke possessive about Naruto’s life? When Obito was about to kill Naruto with that Black Orbs, Sasuke blocked him and said ‘You are not the One to sever the past, I am’. I understand the logic behind Sasuke’s possessiveness on Itachi’s life because he destroyed his family, childhood and even Itachi wants Sasuke to be the one to kill him. But why possessive on Naruto? He is not related to him by blood. Naruto never did anything wrong to Sasuke to warrant any hate either. You will become possessive on something only when you truly hate it or wholeheartedly love it. There is no middle ground. My point is why put Naruto here at all in the first place?? Believe me, If Sasuke never paid attention to Naruto in the War arc, I would be the first person to jump out of this ship. 

Just to give you a basic example, Imagine you are living in a place far away from your family, friends and that loveable person. When Corona hits everywhere and forced Lockdown to travel outside the city, and the situation is getting worse day by day. Whom would you desperately reach out first? You would reach the person whom you are connected well in your family and that loved one. You will prioritize your friends only later. This is the Universal truth. Sasuke was seen showing that same instinct in the War arc towards Naruto whom he was not related by blood. And you all just want me to believe Sasuke sees him as just a friend?? Give me a break!!!

If all those traits I’ve mentioned above have been avoided to a greater extent, I would be happy to believe that they are friends. If not all, at the very least delegate some of the tropes to other people or share some of the tropes with other people along with Naruto. But dumping it all on Naruto alone makes me only curious and incredibly romantic too. 

It’s no wonder, Naruto would go so far as to reach out Sasuke even at the expense of his life.

Oh, Did I forget about the cutest and most exclusive trope to SNS?

U-SU-RA-TON-KA-CHI, the most personal word which carries its own meaning and is only for Naruto. So funny that Sasuke has to spend a certain amount of energy to call Naruto using a 6 syllabic word rather than NA-RU-TO, a 3 syllabic word which is much easier.

Disclaimer: This post constituted everything from from Chapter 1 to 699 or Episode 1 to 135 (part 1) + Episode 1 to 479 (Shippuden) excluding fillers. Though Sasuke shinden novel was made into anime, I don’t want to consider that here. As much as I loved the prologue in that novel, I still don’t want to cite that here, as I consider everything after 699 is $$$$ making bullshit.

FUN FACT:

If you put yourself in any character in the Naruto Universe except for Naruto, and ask them, ‘What do you think about Sasuke?’. You know the answer from Sakura, she will say ‘Sasuke-Kun looks very cool and acts aloof, that’s why I love him’. Kakashi will say ‘My favorite student’. And all the other people will say somewhat similar, ‘He is an excellent Shinobi who belongs to the proud Uchiha clan and Naruto’s rival’

But Naruto will be the only person to say this.

“Lot of fun to be around” ....... LOLLLLL.

Me: No, Naruto!!! Clearly not. No one in your universe can have fun with him except you. Go and Ask Sai, Team Taka or your own Team 7. They adore him for being Cool and Talented. But Fun is not the word that equates with Sasuke unless there is no You, Naruto.

Thanks for reading :-D

[forgottenyear]

[tw:  rape, child abuse, and suicide – almost every warning from the pinned post applies to this one text]

[I write this because I want a solid foundation from which to work. This post is not a comprehensive reference but is intended to be a general chronology of pertinent facts as nearly as I understand them. Going forward, I intend to edit this text as needed.]

[This is relatively long, overtopping 2700 words.]

1. Facts from before the forgotten years.

A. This child was neglected and abused.

The eldest sibling has self-harm scars on their hands to this day. The next-younger sibling spent time in a youth correctional facility and eventually died of natural causes that can only have been hastened by addiction. The middle sibling left the country as an exchange student and has only briefly visited since. This child was next-to-youngest and appears to have been assigned the role of scapegoat. The youngest was the only child who was never a part of the first wave of children and was always shielded by the mother.

There was a section of two-by-four that hung from a leather loop in the kitchen and had “be good or else” burnt into it (it was only a “paddle” and was used only when our behavior called for it, I was strongly reminded when I brought it up in a conversation with a family member).

Whatever the sacred mythology of the family may claim, the family was not healthy.

The memories are unclear, but this child was sexually assaulted on the playground by older students, in the fourth grade. This child was the only one punished.

This child spent most of sixth grade in the school therapist’s office. (The school therapist was not a thing until this child. The school therapist’s credentials, as we later learned, were a degree in mechanical engineering. It was a very different time.)

This child was held back in sixth grade. The school therapist recommended placement in a school for the gifted, so the parents had this child sent to a different public school in another town, and away from the school therapist, instead. (There was no money, so the story goes, but the middle sibling went to Europe shortly after.)

This child was nearly reported as potentially anorexic in middle school and had to talk their way out of a thing that would have brought severe punishments at home.

This child made their first suicide attempt in high school. (It was more a test of the waters.)

After being held back yet again in their junior year, this child dropped out with an agreement that they would take and pass the GED test.

At some point in childhood, an extant list was written, naming and describing five identities, although we did not become aware of DID until much later.

B. The boy’s life failed.

The boy moved in with his girlfriend. They engaged to be married after they both graduated from university.

The boy worked an assembly line job to pay for the fiancée to attend school, with the agreement that the fiancée would reciprocate after graduation. The job was slow death and aggravated an already dangerous case of depression.

The fiancée met a guy at school and they both felt she could do better than an uneducated laborer for a husband. Within weeks of her graduation, she broke the engagement and moved in with her new boyfriend.

The boy was first hospitalized, for suicidal thoughts, shortly after. While he was in the hospital, the ex-fiancée and her new boyfriend returned to the apartment to take everything of value. When the boy was released, the apartment had no furniture but a single chair (all furniture was originally given by the boy’s family).

C. The boy’s life failed, still.

The boy was released with no diagnosis and no follow-up services. Less than one week later, he cleaned the apartment, baked a cake, put on some music, and attempted suicide. The attempt failed but the boy did not have a backup plan. (The body has lingering health issues from this attempt.)

The boy was sent to a different hospital, and then directly on to the state hospital (which was ordered closed years before and is back in the news at the time of this writing, after now having been closed for years, for the many unmarked graves that were recently uncovered). The hospital was its own form of trauma. The boy was hospitalized with diagnoses of Depression, General Anxiety, Avoidant PD, and Gender Identity Confusion, for a full two months before release. The hospital intended never to release him or to dump him without follow-up services, but this was over-ruled when the contract for the “rented” doctor ended and a new doctor was brought in.

There is a high likelihood of medical abuse with sexual overtones involved at this last hospital. The only facts I have for this are the reactions of workers and therapists who read the record, shortly after. They were horrified by what they read and did say so often, but without explaining why. I have only the few bits of memory from creepy encounters with the doctor in question.

--

2. Facts from the forgotten years.

A. The girl’s life emerged.

[This part backwardly overlaps parts of the previous section.]

The boy discovered the Internet through his fiancée’s school account. (This is very foggy, since the boy continued to have an account well after the fiancée graduated and was no longer a student. I think the system, I am not sure if it was the boy or the girl, made friends at the school, but this is strictly an assumption in the place of actual facts. The boy was unofficially involved in bringing internet to public schools for the state, through a friendship with the person charged with the task, but this does not appear to be directly related. (It is rather unsettling just to stumble over this memory by chance.)) The Internet was a novel creature at the time, and so assumptions need to be tempered accordingly. The boy often had to explain what the Internet was and had to justify why he believed the people he talked with online were actual, living people. (We used IRC, way before it became synonymous with porn and whatnot – which has been oddly echoed with tumblr. The school was the only way to connect to the Internet at that time, because even AOL did not go online until years later.)

Angela found freedom of expression through the Internet. Angela found friends through the Internet. Angela began travelling to what we would eventually think of as her city, to visit her friends. Angela first began presenting in public in her city.

[Projecting backward still, the fiancée first encouraged Angela. The fiancée helped Angela to assemble her first wardrobe and whatnot. But the fiancée also pushed Angela into dressing and would then have what appears to have been angry sex with her.]

B. The slumber party.

[Back to the timeline.]

Angela was abandoning their responsibilities in his city. Rent money was spent on clothing and such, and on travel to her city.

From the last trip to her city (I only assume it was then), I have an unsteady memory of an argument, if you can call it that, over finances.

Angela was going to a slumber party with friends, but the group was also going out to a “friendly” bar. I have no memory of all that was planned, but the party was intended to last two nights.

I have the impression that Angela hoped to meet a partner-to-be at the bar.

The bar was a disappointment. The gay server was cruel toward the perverts he was forced to serve. There was no knight in shining armor waiting to rescue Angela so they would live happily ever after.

Angela was fending off advances from a guy who had been invited to the slumber party.

The last not-necessarily traumatic memory I have is of Angela crying after seeing an obviously-happy-in-love lesbian couple at another table.

Pre-C. An assumption with accompanying facts.

Assumption: There is sufficient cause to believe that Angela was drugged at the bar, before the slumber party returned to the apartment.

Facts: The guy was not from that city (or even that side of that state) and did not already know the bar or the bargoers, other than those from the party and from online conversations. This kind of drug was not sold in that bar from a machine, as far as I know, like cigarettes were. The rape cannot merely have been a crime of opportunity for both perpetrators and had to have been planned/prepared for in advance by at least one. Even if Angela was not the chosen target before the bar, she was already in the pool.

C. The rape.

I have only fragments of memory from that night, not that I have much more than fragments from the years surrounding the party.

There is one detached memory of a moment during the rape. The body is on its knees on the bathroom floor of the apartment. The guy mentioned before was in front and someone else was behind.

The next detached memory is of cleaning the bathroom floor with Angela’s clothes. (This is more painful than the previous, because she was no longer treated as human internally.)

The final detached memory is of sitting on the kitchen floor of the apartment at the party, while everyone else was camped out in the other room. [The body was no longer welcomed at the party because Angela had caused the rape.] The body was uncomfortably sitting as close to the apartment door as possible and sitting next to the kitchen waste basket. The body was dressed in travelling/boy clothes. The body was leaking into the clothes. The next bus was not until daylight.

There is significant physical pain in the final memory. For the obvious reasons, but also because this body has an allergy that male bodies usually do not – seminal fluid hypersensitivity. Through unprotected sex, the rapists put the equivalent of a slow-burning acid into this body.

D. The aftermath.

I assume that this memory follows, chronologically, but this is not necessarily the case.

There is a disembodied memory of waking in the hospital after a suicide attempt.

E. Displaced memories.

At some point during the forgotten years, someone was staying in a homeless shelter and eating at a soup kitchen. The apartment was the same throughout, so this memory will not fit into even a loosely plausible chronology.

The memory is of quietly crying in a cot specially placed at the edge of the women’s section of the shelter, just outside the office door. There is also a memory of being afraid while eating in the soup kitchen.

There are memories of friends from that time.

There is a happy memory of listening to music (in the apartment) while getting dressed to go out for coffee with friends. This memory must have preceded the rape because one of the friends was a little too intensely interested in them, in a way that I could not endure today. The friend was not dangerous and truly cared for them, and even protected them at least once (I cannot bring the memory up, but there is a memory of being grateful for this act).

There is also a memory of walking a friend’s boyfriend to his home from a bar, but we were too drunk to find our way. The friend later accused us of sleeping with the boyfriend while he had his back turned to sleep with another guy. This memory also must precede the rape because of the alcohol involved (I have had an inexplicable fear of alcohol for as long as I remember, and long before it was finally explicable).

There are other memories that cannot have happened before the rape, but also cannot have happened after. (The word, “memory,” is a little treacherous. I do not remember what the memories are, at the moment.)

F. Replaced Memories.

I recently reconnected a memory that challenges the assumed timeline as written above.

Angela bought an expensive coat in the boy’s city. It was an important part of her wardrobe, and she would go nowhere without it, in winter.

Since it was icy in places during the walk to the bar on the night of the party in her city, it was clearly winter. Given the bulk of her coat, coupled with its absence from the memories of sitting by the apartment door, the purchase could not have been made before the party.

This means that Angela persisted after the party.

--

3. Facts from the amnesia years.

A. I existed.

Take everything you just read and forget it. It never happened. At least, not until after the amnesia collapsed (until the very end of this numbered section).

My earliest memory is a blurry mix of going to school, going out with my current partner, and of digging out from under years of poor financial management. [To head off potential confusion, I present as a man and my partner is a woman.]

I worked with people with disabilities. I mostly did computer/clerical adaptations and one-on-one trainings. I eventually stopped going to school when my work became more demanding. (The school has been there for a few hundred years, but the job opportunity was for a limited time only.)

I knew that something was not right, but whenever I would pry too deeply into how it was not right, I would forget and something very interesting would take its place. I had way too many hobbies – I now suspect this is because of all the times I pried too deeply.

I had a life that was free of an unpleasant history, all but the unsourced reverberations that is.

B. Fall from grace.

Casting no stones, my partner has issues. I assume I was attracted to them because they have abusive tendencies. I will not guess why they were attracted to me in what must have been the dwindling days of Angela and the previous system, but their close friends have commented that my partner demonstrates an attraction to women, particularly openly lesbian women, even while denying this attraction.

Things got very bad between us ten years ago, and I planned a rapid escape by moving in with a friend.

The friend I intended to move in with died unexpectedly. My hope for an easy escape also died.

Soon after, the cafe at the campus where I worked changed cooking oil. Following two consecutive illnesses after eating at the cafe, I learned about the change and that a small percentage of people are allergic to the new cooking oil.

My reaction was like that of eating a slow-burning acid. This reaction followed the food as it passed through my system.

I then wrote a story about a trans-woman I once knew or heard about, who was raped by “friends” at a slumber party. A long-time friend read the story and asked questions.

This is when the amnesia collapsed, to my perception.

--

4. Facts about the post-amnesia period

A. Another aftermath.

I was hospitalized for less than a week. The final diagnosis was Double Depression, PTSD, and C-PTSD. And some form of amnesia that I cannot remember the name of (no, seriously – I also had to add this later, after I finally remembered – I have repeatedly said that this is bad storytelling). [Dissociative Amnesia - it was in the pinned post when I first wrote this.]

The intake was confusing because the interviewer demanded to know where I had been treated since the last hospitalization, almost two decades before. I had not been treated, other than occasional visits with my therapist.

What I now know of the previous hospitalizations is that we were given up for dead. The (more recent) intake interviewer had enough trouble dealing with the fact that I was still alive, but to be given no explanation for why I was alive was unacceptable. He was convinced that I had been treated in another part of the country, but that I was trying to hide this for legal or financial reasons.

Had I not been seeing my therapist off and on over the intervening years, I would have had no professional medical alibi.

Given the memory of waking in the hospital after the suicide attempt that I think followed the rape, I cannot explain why I am still alive. I am entirely with the intake interviewer on that point. Even just the memory of waking in the hospital is unsafe (although I appear to talk about it all the time, the bonehead that I am).

All I have, by way of explanation, is that I have just now been hit with a distracting curiosity for rewiring the controller board for a printer. It is not overpowering, but merely distracting. I set the project aside because I was not that into it. Until just now.

It can only be a guess, but I assume I am alive because I forgot to kill myself.

B. Today.

Working with my therapist (who was an actual doctor of psychology, and had no experience with mechanical engineering, to my knowledge), I have learned that there were at least five parts to the previous system, that one of the original parts is still present, and that I am apparently the fusion of the other four.

I appear to be chasing my tail since my therapist retired, and I cannot be sure about before. Between the comings and goings of amnesia and denial, I do not recognize commensurate progress for my effort.

My therapist knew the previous system (although he had not recognized them for a system until later – he may have felt guilt over missing the clues and saw me for free for a few years at the end, when I was without insurance or ability to pay). He worked with me at the end of the forgotten years, through the amnesia years, and until his retirement.

I could look for a new therapist, but I need to focus my effort first. I cannot expect anyone to have twenty years of experience with me alone (I can barely claim that I have the same).

C. Because it is not complicated enough already.

I have chronic silent migraines. They are not painful, but I am visually impaired because of them. The migraines are spreading and taking out other brain functions on the way. My proprioception is iffy now, so I have poor balance and intermittent issues with fine motor control. I tend to walk into things a lot.

[prettyboykatsuki]

Hello my dear! Could I get 5, 7, 8, 11, and 13 for the ask game?

5. if anything, what would you change about your childhood?

lord. lmao. honestly it's probably easier to name things about my childhood that i would keep the same rather than things i would change but i guess my answer would be nothing. my childhood is a direct influence on who i am now and i like who i am now for the most part

maybe just like. me getting an adhd diagnosis sooner rather than later. my life probably would've been a lot easier

7. what is your fatal flaw?

idk a lot of things fr. im a super deeply flawed human being. i think i don't really value myself enough though but more than anything, i think i should listen to my gut more. i hope it doesn't sound pretentious but i didn't set a lot of boundaries for myself and i got used to shouldering blame for so much of my life that i would keep all of this resentment inside of me that made me very apathetic to others. im pretty apathetic in general bc of mdd

im working on it but being the scapegoat for peoples emotional abuse for so long was so exhausting and it was no ones fault but mine. i have to set boundaries and make myself clear so i guess my fatal flaw is that. i self-sabotage a lot too

8. what is something that gets to you that you wish wouldn’t?

seeing people raise their children with love and care. makes me sob no matter how many times. also like.. healthy sibling relationships. idk just like healthy family and platonic love makes me really emotional in general. rough life man.

11. tell me about your last failed friendship.

huh... i guess it would have to be the girl i was best friends with for most of highschool. she tries to recconect w me now and i really do miss her a lot but like. she treated me so poorly and she literally completely ditched me when she started dating someone.

i don't have any hate for her but sometimes i get sad thinking about how isolated she made me feel.

13. what can make you excessively angry?

people who are extremely self-involved and cannot seem to make sense of anything outside of themselves. when you're interacting with others, you have a responsibility to treat them with basic respect and decency and to be conscious of your actions towards them. to me, that's a social contract.

not "treat others how you want to be treated" but "treat others with awareness of your flaws and theirs" and i think you owe it to other people to do your best at that. not strangers but people your close too.

people who are closed minded and who don't consider other people in that way frustrate me a lot. you learn kindness and you choose to practice, it's not some gift people are born with. it drives me crazy

[kryetara]

THE  RIGID  DICHOTOMY  BETWEEN  JACK  DUNHAM  AND  WILLIAM  KNIGHT ;     HOW  DOES  THIS  EFFECT  /  WILL  CONTINUE  TO  EFFECT  IRA  ?     PART  1.

JACK DUNHAM     is an average height,    leeds born man,    and is wholly both unremarkable,    and often unnoticed.    regarded by his peers as set in his ways and somewhat unpleasant,    jack is the sort of man who would much rather spend the small hours of his free time soaking up ale in silence in the dusky corner of a working men’s club.    born into scarcity and in a rough section of leeds city,    jack felt pressure to escape the routine at a young age,    and opted to bury himself in working for a construction firm ;    eventually moving to london for a short time as they began work on various large scale projects.    it was in the early 80′s that jack met salma farouk,    and after a brief love affair that was perhaps genuine at first,    the pair married,    albeit far too quickly.    it was upon one of salma’s visits to see jack at work that she met one of the directors of the company.           WILLIAM KNIGHT,     a classically educated londoner born into substantial wealth,    was this such director.    almost the same age as jack,    only a few years his senior,    william was known through his many friends and colleagues as being as kind as he is intelligent,    and was extremely empathetic to those he met.    upon meeting salma,    the two immediately struck a budding closeness,    only exacerbated by jack’s self-conscious descent into isolation and heavy working hours to suit the company’s demand ;     only two years into their marriage,    william and salma begin an affair.

having suspected for some time that something wasn’t quite right,    tensions between the married couple began to mount.    things seemed not to add up ;    anxieties started welling beneath the surface.    with a sense of oncoming dread,    jack took it upon himself to confront his wife.    a tearful confession,    but not without it’s weighty accusations and demands ;    jack quits before he can be fired after coming into work one morning and physically assaulting william.    as they stagnate on their decision on what exactly to do ;    both party dependent on the other for their own reasons,    be it financially,    be it emotionally ;    jack finds scarce work elsewhere.    just months later,    salma,    to her horror,     discovers her first pregnancy.      with the stronger likelihood that william is the biological father,    jack doesn’t allow her to take any tests with which to find out ;    now on the brink,    a deal is made.    the pair of them will move back north to leeds,    so that jack’s family can possibly help support the child and he can find stable work in his hometown,    so that salma is away from her own family,    away from william ;    they get a fresh start.    the child,    whoever it will be and no matter what,    will be known as a dunham.    william knows of the child’s existence,    knows that salma gave birth to a boy,    and knows that he is most likely the father ;    but has nothing further to do with it,    and chooses to keep that part of his life tightly shut.    as of today,   william has never met ira.

jack and william share some similarities ;    both are hard-working,    both keep a relatively small personal bubble.    but this is where similarities largely end.    it’s fair to say that jack may well have turned out differently had his own circumstances in life be such like william’s ;    william is truly a product of a life of privilege.    but this doesn’t excuse poor social behaviours on william’s part.    he knows ira exists,   he knows salma and jack live on the breadline while he affords a comfortable life of essential luxury,    and he knows to the largest of extents that   he   is ira’s biological father,    but he doesn’t make any attempt or effort to help them,    or to see his son.    it’s only with coincidence,    in this sense,    that the truth was kept from ira for such a long time ;    jack and salma chose to raise him as if he were jack’s biologically,    so it actually worked in their favour that william didn’t pursue a relationship with him.    but jack’s pride is his downfall -   if he were able to accept that   he is not ira’s father,     if he had allowed salma to speak to william and request paternal financial aid ;   their situation would have been almost totally different.    this pride will go on to taint ira’s childhood,    adolescence,    and adult life,    and render any attempt at a bond between ‘father and son’ ingenuine and false ;    jack,    in hindsight,    felt he couldn’t raise a son to be his own,   if he wasn’t,   even despite the honesty in his attempts,    whether it was coming from a place of love,    or of possession ;      he was still lying to ira with every passing day.      similarly,    william used their rigidity as a scapegoat for his decision to remove himself entirely from their situation.    both jack and william blame each other for their inability to raise ira,    and the result of this feud is ira being forced to grow up feeling as though something was inherently wrong him with,    something about him was unlikable and unlovable,    with the ‘cause’ being a different,    desperate conclusion on a yearly basis as he frantically attempted to figure it out on his own ;    was it his personality ?    was it the things he liked,    the things he didn’t like ?    was it his sexuality ?    was it the drug problems ?    what was it ?   why else would jack be so extremely emotionally uninvested,    unavailable,    uncaring ?

it’s not until ira reaches the age of 36,    six years into working as the accountant and unofficial   kryetar   to the mehmeti clan,    that he learns of his father’s terminal illness.    he discovers this information from jack himself,    in person ;    after over a decade of no contact with jack whatsoever,    he turns up unannounced on ira’s doorstep in london,    having received the address from imogen,    ira’s younger sister.    overcome with the emotional breakdown of his failing health and divorce from salma,    jack felt he had to do at least one thing right by ira,    and chose to tell him,    to wipe clean his conscience,    the pair stood at either end of ira’s kitchen in the crushing silence,      THAT HE IS NOT IS FATHER.      he gives ira the name ;    william knight ;    and tells ira that despite it all,    despite everything that took place in ira’s troubled life and difficult start ;   it wasn’t his fault.      the only good thing jack ever did for ira was to tell him the truth,    even if it was 36 years late.     needless to say that though the revelation shakes ira down to his very core,    it,    as a whole,    effects him in a good way going forward.    closure that he hadn’t realised he had even been needing was now sat under his belt,    as the dunham name starts peeling away from him as days go on,    and ira continues into his transgression as a criminal.

[split-reality]

who am i?

26 / f / jane

i don’t know how to introduce myself. i don’t even know how to run a blog. i’m currently on my first few days of wellbutrin. truthfully, this blog is probably a symptom of the resulting mania.

i have an entire pharmacy in my room with meds i’m apparently supposed to dispose of. who can relate? my mom taught me not to throw anything away. she struggled with hoarding. we all struggled with it. she passed away from covid. 

other than the hoarding and childhood trauma, my mother was an amazing person. i am not being sarcastic when i say that either. i don’t know if i had it easy compared to my four older siblings, or if my childhood coping strategies of daydreaming, escapism, detachment, and splitting, preserved my loving feelings for her. but i love her. i always will. 

side note: who knew daydreaming was so dangerous? is daydreaming as a coping mechanism (split worlds) the root of splitting itself? daydreaming, if used as a way to cope, can cause idealization. daydreaming is also a primitive form of childhood play and spontaneity. the difference is that children who are just playing know how to return to their safe (just as “good”) world. what if play (spontaneity) in children is severely criticized and punished? the child then begins daydreaming excessively to the point of idealization and creates a safe “reality” in their mind where they get their needs met by idealizing love, attention, and affection from the people in their life. they then have an image of the “good” mom that is available with endless love and affection whenever they want it. their core being (spontaneous self) in the unsafe world (actual reality), is locked away to protect the underdeveloped child from conflicting feelings they cannot yet process. the split world divide causes the child to become more withdrawn, antisocial, and detached from their reality. the child might hallucinate or see things that aren’t there which explains lingering symptoms of psychosis in some adults with bpd. over time, when the child begins to understand what a core identity is (adolescence), they realize it is underdeveloped and no longer serves them. they try to resolve their core identity through spontaneous acts that mimic childhood play in order to work out this internal-external conflict. these activities (coping strategies) usually engage all the senses and the physiological result is strong enough to temporarily “snap out” of the split worlds they created. these activities can include sex, substances, and thrilling seeking. the question is, where does the child’s core identity go? is it locked away for safekeeping? does the child have an underdeveloped core identity that is put on pause? what prevents it from developing? would play therapy help adults with borderline personality disorder develop spontaneity? 

growing up, i did not have a close connection with my mother. the youngest of five siblings, my mom was too exhausted to pay much attention to me. the attention she gave me was very surface level. i learned quickly that acting out would get me noticed. any recognition was better than none at all. 

before my mom passed, i pressed her for details of “that time when” and laughed at my failed attempts of evoking love from her. she told me about the times i would cry because none of my siblings wanted to play with me. being the youngest, i just couldn’t understand the games that they played. all i could understand was that they wouldn’t. play. with. me. i would run over to the towers that they built out of wooden blocks, say “fuck this shit!” and kick them down. i was a shit kid. this is how my futile attempts at love made me the scapegoat in my family.

and i was good at it. i became the outlier. the hyperactive child who just will. not. stop. i became the outsider compulsively looking for a way back in. 

my mom often told me stories of my odd and downright disturbing behavior. 

there is one that stands out in particular. i was three years old. she said my eyes were as big and shiny as cherries when i looked at her and said, “mom, jane isn’t going to take this fork and stab herself in the eyes and twist to pluck them out. jane isn’t going to.” 

my frightened mother hugged me and said, “jane, why are you acting like this?” i then looked at her and said, “i’m not going to!” and started crying. most parents would take their kids to the nearest psychiatrist, but as a child of immigrant parents, my mental health was a figment of the imagination. a myth. a fake illness they use to lock you up and pump you with prescriptions. 22 years later, i was locked up anyway, my pupils big and glossy like cherries. this time from lexapro. 

my mom told me of another time when she came home from school, too tired and hungry to play with me. she said i took a big ass potato from the kitchen. this potato was not just any potato. it was as long as an iphone 12 pro max. and i said, “i’m going to throw this potato and hit you!” she asked me why. perfectly reasonable question. i looked up at her and said, “because no one loves me, mama.” 

i asked my mom if my dad ever dropped me. perfectly reasonable question given the circumstances. she said he didn’t drop me, but he did lose me once. 

my mom claimed she loved and cared for everyone the same. i believe that was precisely the problem. she did not recognize our core being, our individualism. i don’t blame her. we were living in a bad neighborhood where, as a child, i would play and find needles on the ground. her hard work allowed us to get out of there. how could i find fault in that?  

side note: some might say that i’m making excuses for my mom. to be completely honest, i’m not sure if that’s the case. sometimes i wonder if i’m not fully processing my childhood anger and hurt lurking underneath. if it’s so deep, i can’t even reach it. more on that later. 

there are so many stories regarding my childhood antisocial, attention-seeking behavior but i just don’t have the energy to share. the only one that worth sharing is when i pretended to be mute for six months in preschool. 

my mom was called in for an appointment at the school. the teacher said, “what are you thinking? you wanted to fool us into thinking your child is normal? she has not spoken for six months!” baffled, my mom turned to me and said, “jane, why are you not talking?!” i said, “because i didn’t want to talk to them, mama.” my mom said the teachers turned pale. before then, not one peep had come out of me.

- jane (shit adult)

note: i know that there are few 26-year-olds named jane, okay? i get it. i couldn’t come up with a name. black and white thinking prevents me from making decisions for myself. no grey area results in a fear of failure and perfectionism to avoid it. 

another note: sorry to all the janes out there. i know you all still exist, but to be frankly honest, i don’t even know a jane. the name reminds me of morgue scenes from Law & Order SVU. 

maybe i’ll call myself olivia. 

[common-blackbird]

it’s time... for a dragon age 2 playthrough post. scroll on!

The things i loved most:

1) the frame of the game - Cassandra interrogating Varric.

What a great way to get hook the player. Like, the opening of guards dragging this poor dwarf with cuts of the title, and then Cassandra demanding answers... Whoaaa! I have no idea if that’s usually done in games or not, but it’s definitely such an amazing intro with characters introducing themselves as well as the story so perfectly, it captivates instantly. The tutorial has a charm to it bc varric is messing around. Which serves to show more of his character. Cassandra’s personality was pretty much blank here but her presence is so powerful. Something happened, something huge and they know and i was about to find out. I can’t describe how excited that intro made me feel. Each time the scene cut to the interrogation scenes, my eyes were glued more than ever. Just GREAT.

Also it makes for a very convenient scapegoat for every plothole ever with the argument “it’s just his version of the story”.

2) The story.

It’s tragic. It’s amazing! The further you play, the more you can see that no matter what you do, everything leads to a disaster. Hawke doesn’t want to take sides, tries to mediate, does not want to get involved, but just can’t stop it. For every thing gained, Hawke loses two more. Your friends come with packages that get you involved in terrible stuff. Your good intentions result in disasters. The whole game you spent time climbing  the social ladder not only to reach the top hauntingly alone after losing all of your family, but also losing even that empty title and watching as the city you started to find your place in fall apart in blood. UGH! GAH! FEELS!

3) Kirkwall.

“ But, I beg you my dear readers, never forget that, no matter the subject of any story that might ever be explored between the cliffs of Kirkwall, She will find a way to steal the thunder of the protagonist. Or become the antagonist. Kirkwall is never a mere background. We could even understand it so: the challenge for you dear readers is to prevail against the smokescreens and observe to what extent our characters are players or played by the merciless black souled stone giant. Enjoy playing the dare of the ages between the lines of these humble memoirs. “

Memoirs from the Downfall - Act I. Mirage    by Pfefferminze on ao3 (fic rec!)

This paragraph summs up what Kirkwall is better than I ever could. This shrouded mystery that surrounds Kirkwall keeps you on toes. From the first intro when Varric describes it (paraphrasing from memory) “Kirkwall. The city of chains. It is a free city - keeping in mind i use the  the word loosely”. You already start seeing how dark Kirkwall gets. The name, that derives from its black walls (interestingly, the walls in the game aren’t black...), the history of slavery etched into every corner of that city  and its surroundings - the names (The Gallows, the Bone Pit, the Wounded Coast, the pub The Hanged Man), the scenery (sculptures of slaves, the sunken ships by the Wounded Coast, slums and underground of the Lowtown and the Darktown).

I was really digging the History of Kirkwall and it loved it. Kirkwall has a history of violence, from the times of slavery of the Tevinter Imperium, to Qunari conquests and liberation from Orlais. Many revolts and uprising. And though free now, it’s suggested that, seeing that the Templars hold the most influence, Kirkwall is in the hands of the Chantry.

It’s full of cultures mixing together. I love how not one of your companions is a native to Kirkwall, and it feels like a crossroads to every character’s life. a very tragic crossroads in their life, seeing there’s nothing ever good waiting for you in Kirkwall.

Also there’s these codex entries you look for about the Enigma of Kirkwall. It was when i started digging that up that i fell in love with the city and all. Combined with the History of Kirkwall and every codex entry for every place in and out of Kirkwall, I was pulling my hair out reading about the Enigma. I..i’m still not quite sure what happened. Did the magisters use blood of thousands upon thousands slaves to unbound a forgotten one? if so, is that corypheus? And around what time did that happen?? I get that part (or all?) of Kirkwall’s mysterious violent agency is owed to corypheus slumbering relatively close to the city, but is that all? or is there something more? In either case, the Band of Tree are my heroes.

4) The characters.

I’ll talk more about them later, but in general, i just love how they oppose each other, how complex they are, and there is just not pleasing everyone. They feel genuine. They are all deeply flawed. They all have a solid background that makes their beliefs and actions convincing. The friendship/rivalry points are shaky though, and sometimes really don’t fit the character, but i guess there must be someone hating/loving your bad choices for the sake of the game regardless of characterisation. But all in all, i really appreciated each and every character, and loved how their viewpoints challenged me.

First i want a disclaimer: i love each and every character in the game, whatever i say against them doesn’t diminish my liking of them. My issues really aren’t significant. Also, i might and probably will say smth wrong bc i’ve only played it once. I’m a baby.

let’s start with Family:

Mama Hawke:

i really loved mama hawke. after reading her codex entry and an excerpt of some book on this site, i really feel for her. I mean, imagine going back to your home city where you only remember being respected and wealthy only to find out everything you remember is gone, you are forced to live in poverty, your kids are doing dangerous jobs and you can’t stop them bc you do need that money, you write letters trying to get the old connections but keep failing (at least it was implied?), it’s really been hard for her. I get why she was so obsessed with her legacy. She wanted her childhood home back. She can’t feel like Kirkwall is her home until she is home.

Also loved her antagonism towards Hawke. It seems she can no longer treat him like a child, so she criticises him instead. and honestly, hawke is doing some crazy things so he defintiely deserves some criticism. And stopping Hawke from taking carver with him is just logical to me, idk. since she knows she can’t stop Hawke from going, she will at least attempt to prevent the last kid from going into mortal danger. I’d do the same. AND AFTER HAVING CARVER DYING IN DEEP ROADS I AGREE WITH HER

All in all, i don’t think she’s a perfect mom, but there is no perfect mom, and Leandra does care a lot for her kids. The All that remains killed me too :’(

Bethany

RIP :(

Her codex is not long, but i guess she wasn’t happy with her magic :(

CARVER

My favouritest bestest bro in the game. A secondary character with an inferiority complex towards his sibling, with no sense of humour, blaming everyone else for his inability to get a life? I see a lot of myself in him.  He is sooo bitter, but doesn’t even realise (or at least doesn’t admit) that he’s his biggest obstacle. He feels like it’s Hawke’s fault for Carver not getting his place in the sun, but honestly, it’s Carver’s devotion to Hawke that keeps him from getting a life. He’s just tied with that responsibility and can’t break from it unless forced to.

His interactions with other characters are so funny. Either he’s bitter or he’s awkward, i die every time ;;__;;

Anyways, he became a templar in my game and i thought it fits better thematically (throughout the game the grey wardens felt more like a fanservice material since they really aren’t connected to the story), but after reading that meta about carver and seeing the striking difference between warden!carver and templar!carver i wanna reload and redo everything ;;__;;

i mean... carver isn’t exactly a templar material. The codex entry for templars says that the wanted characteristics of templars are strong faith and utmost  obedience, none of which carver really has... . But that moment when he stands up against meredith was *chefs kiss* worth it. I’m just wondering what happens after, is he still a templar? is he with hawke? is he in Kirkwall or if not, where did he go?? so many questions ;A;

Uncle Gamlen

I feel bad for him. Mostly he’s mean but i like to think it’s bc he’s so ashamed that his sister sees what he’s become. And he’s bitter about his own life. I was so happy when i realised he has a personal mission ;__; I feel bad that he didn’t come to live in the hawke estate tho, especially since Hawke is also alone there :(

COMPANIONS!

Varric

There are no words that can properly convey the amount of love for this guy. He is simply flawless. He’s a charming godfather of the dwarven mafia. I wanna have a charming godfather of the dwarven mafia in my life... He already becomes interesting with the intro, and i gotta say, out of all ~storyteller~ types of characters, he is the best. he puts a disclaimer at the beginning with that game tutorial, and during the whole interrogation he’s like “well, how do you know i’m not lying? i could be.” Also, his voice is the second best voice in the game. 

As for his personal missions, oh wow, that thing with his big bro really hurt. I also gave him the red lyrium... was that a mistake? will i regret it? ;__; I know the true friend would prevent him, but i also trust that varric knows how to handle dangerous stuff...

On a side note, since i’ve read the comics (no self control whatsoever), i loved the beginning of the Until We Sleep, where varric mentions it’s easier to imagine all the people he had to kill were evil than to face the fact that those were normal people just doing their job or trying to survive. Man, it hurts TAT

*garret hawke’s voice when he looks a certain way at the family crest in the hawke estate* ISABELA!

Ok ok, so, i love Carver bc i relate,  i love Varric because he’s simply perfect. But I love Isabela because she’s the most intriguing.

She just crashed in Kirkwall and really didn’t sign up for all the trouble she got. She never likes to have deep conversations, she is always downgrading herself and you just wonder, what is it that happened in her life, and you know her past mistakes haunt her, and she’s doing her best to move on. Her arc was i think my favourite. I think the comic Those Who Speak really adds a lot to her arc in DA2 and makes some of her choices more understandable. Her whole story is about her internal conflict of whether to survive or do the right thing. Her story about freeing the slaves got her ship wrecked is great and all for making her be a pirate with a golden heart, but that story about her drowning all the slaves few years previous make this freeing of slaves a big character moment for her. She finally did the right thing. And she got for it was more trouble, because she’s a pirate which means she can’t afford to just do the right thing. And throughout the game, that same story is going back and forth. She runs off with the Relic bc she’s done the right thing before and it got her nowhere, so now she decided to put her own survival as a priority, but comes back bc she’s too kind to just leave Hawke standing like that. And again, with the slaver papers, it’s the same reasoning: it’s her or the higher cause. She needs that ship. She chooses herself. It’s her biggest flaw. But hey, between pros and antis in your party, it was really refreshing to have someone who, along with varric, just gives you a break with moral high-grounds.

I only wish we actually got to see her more as a captain in power in the game or that she showed me that amazing hat she saw in lowtown. It’s cool that it’s implied that her crew doesn’t like her and she also lost most of them during the crash while the others probably left her after.

I love it when she says she goes sometimes to the docks just to watch the ships. That there is no feeling like sailing. I just want a spin-off with captain isabela’s terrible adventures (´A`)

Also, isabela’s VA is my fave, she really did an amazing job. she voices so smoothly, i wouldn’t know if i was playing a game or watching a movie. And has such a pretty way of talking...

Aveline

I’m really neutral towards Aveline. I like her personality and i like that she’s found herself a purpose and advanced in the guards, and she’s always looking out for everybody. I just wish her personal missions went in the vein of the one in act 1... i feel it would have been more interesting to see her having trouble in her position and that you can’t just waltz into Kirkwall and take command. It’s implied she’s being pressured, so i guess she’s just dealing with it herself, but i just... eh. She’s ok.

Merrill

Merrill actually has one of the if not the most tragic story-line that really challenges you both morally and emotionally. 

Her cheerful and cute personality is dampened by her constant dark leitmotif of willingly practicing blood magic. And i think her story really showed well the indirect consequences of it.

Not in one instance was Merrill’s practice of blood magic an active culprit for all tragedy that surrounds her. First, it seems that blood magic is practiced in the clan, seeing there is no freeing Flemeth without it, but i’m guessing it’s seldom practiced and with great caution. So Merrill wasn’t in any danger of being prosecuted for her blood magic. It’s actually her wish to study it further with the help of the demon that makes her an outcast. That and the magic mirror that apparently is forgotten for a reason. Also, it’s made quite clear that Merrill would be welcomed back no questions asked if she at any point decided to ditch the demon and live without the study of magic mirror. She, on the other side, is driven by the higher cause, the idea that figuring out the forgotten purpose of some evil mirror might help her clan, and is willing to be an outcast if it means reaching her goal and helping her clan. Fast foward to act 3, the clan is still there when they should have moved away, and it’s only when you face the demon possessed Keeper, you realise why. She knew Merrill would sooner or later bargain with the demon again. And she sacrificed herself, trapping the demon within her, as to prevent it. And i think that is why the clan stayed so long there. She waited for Merrill because she wanted Merrill to kill her, and hopefully with her the demon. It didn’t go as planned, obviously, but i really think she had good intentions. When Merrill does manage to kill the Keeper she’s forced to face the clan and i chose the wrong option of telling the truth which resulted in a massacre. Merrill gets back and regrets everything. She, however resolves to help the alienage.

The thing is, there is no one to blame Everyone had the best intentions. Everyone is working for the safety of the clan. it’s a story of sacrifice and when sacrifice feels like the wrong choice (whether it truly is or isn’t depends on your worldview) and it’s really done well.

But here are my issues with Merrill. I love her as a character, but i don’t agree with her decisions.  It’s a personal issue. Merrill is giving up everything as to help her clan by learning history of the evil mirror. And while this is a game where old things are important and significant, her mission is always explained as this duty of preserving history. And while i agree that preserving history is very important, there is a limit to it. you should never put history before the present. If your research endangers the present, you give up on that line. The other is that you need to make peace with the fact that many, many things are forgotten and will be forgotten. It’s sad, but you gotta make peace with the fact that some things are just gone.

And Merrill, who is a magic historian, fails to see that. So that kinda irks my historian moral codex. And in the end, as far as i know, Merrill doesn’t succeed in reviving the evil mirror and dedicates herself to help the alienage. It was a terrible way to learn that some things aren’t worth it.

The other, less personal issue, is that none of this had to happen. I mean, the keeper obviously didn’t think Merrill was experienced enough to actually deal with demons and therefore distrusted her and warned the clan about it. So, if Merrill was a little bit more patient she could have just studied normally under the keeper, and when she herself becomes the keeper, she could have fraternize with that demon however she wanted without much complications. So yeah... i guess youth is made of idealism.

But as i said, minor issues. Her story is really, really great.

Fenris

Fenris and Anders are my “i love you but i am soo annoyed by you but i still love you” characters. Half of the time they’re just there to make you feel guilty for being a neutral party. Which sometimes has me rolling my eyes. If Fenris and Anders actually got along with each other, slavery and mage oppression would have ended in 2 days. Which makes it all the more frustrating that they do not.

Fenris.. his voice. What a nice voice colour. So elegant, but kinda rough, sometimes he talks like he’s 80 years old, sometimes like he’s a teenager. I love it.

As for the rest, i mean, i don’t agree with his methods, but very often, the guy’s got a point. I get his experience with mages colours his view on them, so while i symphatise, it’s really hard to have him on my “free mages” missions when he’s my best tank and i want him to be on friendly terms with Hawke so this makes things... difficult. That aside, it’s interesting that fenris doesn’t see mages as evil per se, but rather victims who, in his experience, will always, always going to succumb to a demon. It’s an inevitable reality to him. And this makes me wonder if he ultimately, despite being his friend or lover, is just waiting for the day he will be forced to kill Hawke too :(

As for his missions, they were ok, it led up to culmination and i didn’t let him kill his sister bc Hawke has just lost his mom, don’t do smth you’ll regret ;__;

also, somewhere around the end of act 2 i decided to romance fenris bc i love to suffer, so i worked the whole act 3 trying to get more aproval points and also wondering why are there no romance options when i talk to him... turns out that one night stand with isabela romanced her and canceled fenris. But i never even finished the romance with her so i’m just ??? about it all.

I wish it was more explained about the tattoos fenris has? I just thought the tattoos would play a big role somewhere in the game and it just never happened. There was a banter with Merrill about how his tattoos are similar to valaslin, so i thought, hmm, interesting, maybe the two are connected. But nah they just glow in the dark and make you pass through walls. Whatevs.

also dude just goes and kills without a second thought, i’m just “mate, you gotta calm down”. But that’s his thing. He’s constantly bitter and is very bad at anger management. I can’t blame him, considering he lacks around 10- 20 years of experience due to amnesia.

He’s the only one who left me when Hawke sided with mages, and i was like, “ok i getcha, it’s been nice knowing you”, but then when i asked him to join me 5 minutes later he just went “ok changed my mind” which was so funny, like, where did all that integrity dissappear??? It would have been more impactful if the dialogue went in the line of “i want to stand by my principals but you’re a living breathing proof that not all mages are weak to succumb to demons so i’ll join you in the end” (and then side-eye “i told you so” when orsino turns into a demon)

And i wanna read the fenris comic now bc my question for every character here is what is their fate after kirkwall. I only know that isabela & varric are working for alistair and merrill wants to help the alienage. Aveline is i guess either dismissed from her job or got a pass after cullen took  the command.  But Carver?? Fenris?? Anders?? They never talked about long term plans...

Anders

ooh boy, here we go. there are many questions i have for him and am generally just hmmmm. First, as for his pro-mage rights - it’s like opposite fenris so i just have the same feelings: you mean well, i don’t agree with your methods, your experiences define your worldview so i let some things slide, but other things i will not agree with. Though, question: in how many circles has Anders been? He knows the kirkwall circle, he knows the fereldan circle. Seeing he has excaped 7 times, did they send him to a different circle each time or was the fereldan the last one? or the first one? Or maybe it was his boyfriend they transferred? did i miss something?

I’ll just whisper: awakening!Anders >>> da2!Anders. I just miss the old anders. Which says a lot bc during the awakening i was just “shut up anders”. I miss his bad jokes, his terrible attempts at flirting, his enjoyment of freedom, nagging all the time, and generally being more moderate in pro-mage rights. Like, in awakening, because it was not the only thing he talked about, it felt more personal and intense. Here mage-rights are the only thing he ever talks about + justice. I mean, please correct me if i’m wrong, this was just general impression. But to defend da2!Anders here, it makes sense that merging with mixed both of their personality, and i like that they did that. It’s also very sad.

The thing is, when i’m thinking about anders, i love his story and character. Just as it’s terrible that Fenris, having no memory from before being Fenris, Anders can never go back to being just Anders. And this, people, is why you don’t fraternize with spirits. He’s obviously afraid of how justice is affecting him and there are some bare traces of his old personality and i guess he wouldn’t be as radical if he didn’t have justice personality that can’t stand the injustice. And in combination with anders quite selfish personality (form awakening, and i say that lovingly), it makes him do things that justice wouldn’t condone. Anders is literally a walking bomb.

Again, same problem as with fenris, i really thought that the justice glow would have a incredibly significant culmination, and it didn’t, it was just to show that anders and justice are very bitter. Eh, ok.

Also, i let anders join after he blew up the chantry, bc he started it, so might as well follow it through.

Some minor characters that i remember

Senechal Bran for the next Viscount! He hated hawke so much but still put up with him.

Feynriel is the coolest mage in Kirkwall. I think his missions were my favourite. Dude goes from “oh no i’m a mage” to “i will just dreamwalk to tevinter and learn control the reality” to “i dream-killed bad people from thousands of miles away”. Does he appear in the next game? I want him on my side. He’s so cool.

I think the Maker is sending Cullen signs to quit being a templar. First job: evil mages that tortured you. Instead of “this job will kill you” h took it as  a “never trusting mages again, got it”. Second job: your boss is evil possessed paranoid maniac. Man, talk about bad luck.

What is the story of the Lady Elegant?

Flemeth had that big great talk at the beginning of the game and i thought by the end of the game i’d realise what it meant, but nope, still no clue.

Ok so I defeated Corypheus, but there was this looong shot of Larius walking away. Corypheus possessed larius, didn’t he? He’s out there. In a madman’s body. I know he appears in inquisition.

Many thoughts

I gotta say, in Kirkwall, at least, it didn’t feel like much of a challenge to pick a side. Like, there was no mage who said “hey i actually really like it here in the circle, the templars aren’t so bad”, and having templars actually smuggling mages from the circle says a lot to say the least. Every time a mage talks to you, unless you go with “oh they’re 100% lying”, their stories invoke sympathy and of course you want to help them. And then in 99% cases they turn to blood magic bc there was no other way. Except that dude who always hanged out with the wrong people, he only did blood magic to save Carver. But yeah, that turning to blood magic was like having Fenris side-eye me with an unspoken “i told you so” bc every mage, whether in desperation or hunger for power, will turn sooner or later into a demon. Regardless, blood magic was always in the act of desperation and self-defense. The only times where magic was actually evil was the slavers and the serial killer, who is a madman.

When i was reading the Enigma of Kirkwall, there was a part that talks of a blood-mage conspiracy and i was all, oh shit, there is a reason why templars are mean to mages! maybe the conspirators are framing innocent mages on blood magic crimes that they actually commit, maybe Meredith is actually on trail of the conspirators, maybe there is a reason for animosity on both sides. After all, Kirkwall was known for having a bigger number of apostates, a bigger number of blood magic cases and far more ruthless templars. It added up.Thinking back now, i never even got any specific reason why meredith was so intensely anti-mage, other than going mad.

But yeah, no conspirators. Just sad mages and mean templars, and good templars that get screwed by desperate and mean mages.

While in Kirkwall it’s easy to be a pro-mage, i was thinking a lot about mage-rights in general so let me indulge myself: there are circles, but the mages aren’t oppressed. Rather, the circles would be educational centres and society in every larger city where one learns how to properly handle magic bc magic is dangerous. You can leave when you pass the final exam and also come back anytime to hang out with mages who decide to live there since the institution would support mages.

Also, when one gets possessed, i’d invest more into “walk into their head and free them of demons” specialists. It’d be cool if you could have a dreamer who does that bc no lyrium spent. Honestly, why don’t they ever do that? How did the keeper do that rite for Feynriel? Was it blood magic?

I guess, you’d still have to answer for your crimes, tho no death punishment and degradation allowed. Blood magic wouldn’t be punishable by death, but rather have specialists who study it, but practice with extreme caution and use of another person’s blood is strictly prohibited.

Templars would still exist but completely reformed. No more “mages are all potential disasters”, but i’d rather make it that mages can too be templars, since they both have abilities that prevents the others from casting magic. This way the control system would be much like the dalish: if the keeper(mage) is possessed, the clan (which means the non-mages and the first(mage)) need to kill them. You could argue that you don’t need templars as non-mages, since mages can do it too, but seeing that in general people fear magic and feel inferior to it (since there’s a collective memory of the great tevinter imperium), having non-magic specialists would make them feel like on equal ground. The extra-reformed templars would be under Circle, not under direct command of the chantry, and circle, depending of whether chantry is reformed, might or might not be under chantry.

(a side note, i was thinking about templars recently and i can’t recall an instance where it says who had the clever idea to chew lyrium first? i just wanna know)

I know that DA2 wasn’t about grey wardens and therefore not about darkspawn, but seeing as in legacy we get corypheus being... an evil version of the Architect(??), i was only wondering do we get more answers about the darkspawn? is there hope for them? is the Architect still alive?

And oh, to turn to the Anders question:

Is he a terrorist, or was that just activism? I mean, i don’t see why those two can’t go together. blasting a building with a symbolic significance killing and harming many innocent people to get a message of your radical activism across belongs into a schoolbook of terrorism. Does he have a good cause? He sure believes so, and i, too, agree that mages should not be oppressed for just being mages. But does that mean this is the right way to do it? Personally, i do not condone any act of violence in service of a political or religious cause. I know it’s sometimes inevitable, but i like to believe there are more diplomatic ways, or at least not including an attack on civilians.

That aside, the moment where anders goes in front and just announces that the church was gonna blow up in a minute was the best anders moment for me. Until that point i more or less just viewed his activism as a hobby since he just did it in his free time, but now he put his money where his mouth is and freaking went all out. Cool character moment. And incredibly heartwrenching. He was aware of how many innocents he killed, but just didn’t see other way to get the point across.

I still don’t agree with his idea of blowing up the church tho. Maybe if he told Hawke, they could have done something to empty the church previously and further people away from it and then blow it up?

But still, blowing up religious buildings isn’t the answer. If i was the radical mage activist, i would have gone for the open assassination. Seeing it worked in WW1, i don’t see why it couldn’t start a fantasy war.

Some random things i liked:

uniportant but lovable interractions in the house: it starts innocently with gamlen’s house, to see how you’re doing, and becomes really fun during act 2 when you see your friends have been here and left you things. In act 3, however, it feels melancholic. no more family to come back to, just ghosts of friends that have visited, Bodahn and Sandal being there for you, Orana still not getting some sunlight and your dog at the fireplace. The Hawke Family Suite is playing, and you feel older than you are, lonlier than you should be. just... ouch. I hope Bodahn adopted Orana and took her out of Kirkwall :(

t i named the dog “Maker” which is very funny to me bc every time i summon the dog i just imagine Hawke yelling “Maker help us”. Carver hates the name bc he needs to chase the dog often in the streets. Mama Hawke never ever calls the dog Maker, but she never has to call the dog anything: he’s super obedient towards her.

Fighting wasn’t as hard as in origins, i like that.

The haunted house mission was so cool.

When random people greet aveline in Hightown.

And that’s i think about it. There are probably plenty more things i loved, but i think this is already enough. if somebody told me i’d be playing so much this year, i’d laugh, but I already want to play the next game ;;___;;

[thetwistedfaun]

From a Diamond to a Rose: My Very Long and Detailed Interpretation of Pink Diamond and Her History

Before diving in let me preface this by making it known that the narrative of this dissertation makes a noticeable shift. This originally started out as me explaining to a friend who has never been exposed to Steven Universe and somewhere along the line it shifted from explaining to a non viewer into having a discussion with a fellow fan of the show. But I liked how it turned out, so I left it as it is. This is also my take on things just from watching the show. I wasn’t apart of the SU fandom until just about two months before Steven Universe Future ended, just in time to watch the last few episodes air live, so I haven’t dug around and researched anything. This is just based on what is presented in the episodes. Please bare with me, because this is going to be a long ride.

While the show as a whole is very very wonderful, my Pink Diamond doesn’t come in until season 5, and they actually treat my baby like crap and use her as a scapegoat for the series. People make mistakes when they’re young, it’s a part of growing up, such is the case for Pink Diamond. In this essay I will…

Diamonds are considered the elite. The highest authority on their planet “Home World” and all other gems fall below them. In my opinion the Diamond family is like this; Pink is the baby, Blue & Yellow are her parents, and White is the grandma that they rarely ever see. White, Blue, and Yellow conquer worlds. I think this also goes in alliance of the family/gem order. White has conquered the most worlds, then Yellow and then Blue. Because the other Diamonds treat Pink as the child of the family, she didn’t get any worlds to conquer until much much much later in this history.

Each Diamond has their own Pearl, who basically serve the Diamond they’re assigned to. The Pearls look very similar to their Diamonds in color, hair, and gem placement. While White was very rarely seen, Yellow was around more frequently, but I believe that Blue and Pink spent the most time together, but she was left all to herself (with her Pearl and/or Spinel) when the other Diamonds were off conquering other planets.

As I’ve already stated, Pink is basically the young child and the other Diamonds definitely treat her as such. Since she is treated like a child this is basically how she was groomed to act as described by her behavior; playful, imaginative, temper tantrums. They would bring her life forms from the planets they conquered (mostly Blue I think) And she loved these various foreign life forms as one would love their animal companion, if not equal to or above herself. I believe that she was spoiled as well, but a spoiled child is the fault of the parents that raised them.

After being left out of the other Diamonds business, Pink was so happy when they returned that she would plan and throw massive balls in celebration and to have all four of them together again. When she planned and threw her extravagant parties, Pink would sneak her foreign pets/friends out with her, probably wanting them to enjoy the party as well, or just to keep her company. I would assume that it’s difficult, sneaking a very curious friend out with you when they excitedly want to explore, so Pink frequently lost track of her friends at these parties and this obviously caused tremendous chaos. This bad behavior of sneaking pets out and throwing tantrums was frowned upon, so When the other Diamonds decided they didn’t like her behavior, they would lock her away in rooms as punishment. Time is very different for the gems, so imagine a childlike alien being locked away for literal thousands of years. This is neglect and abuse, and very few fans of the show realize this.

After experiencing this over and over again, it’s no wonder she hated her life on Homeworld. Pink wanted to grow up, to have more responsibility, but the other Diamonds wanted her to stay in that baby role and/or didn’t feel that she would be able to handle her own planet and ruling a colony. And I think this is really where her tantrums came in. When she didn’t get what she wanted she would throw tantrums, and because Diamonds are the hardest gem, I think this contributed to how strong their powers are. When Pink is very emotional she loses control of her powers (or perhaps she never really realized how powerful she actually was). She would ask the other Diamonds over and over to have her own planet, and after being denied for so long she was emotionally distraught and her powers pretty much exploded and she ended up damaging her original Pearl, which at this point was probably one of her very few friends. She was emotionally invested in her Pearl. This in no way was physical abuse, she never raised a hand or lashed out.

Because of the damage done to this Pearl, White took Pink’s original Pearl away and replaced her with “Our Pearl”. There is speculation that Pink’s original Pearl was also taken away because it was indulging Pink in her childish whims instead of being a good influence on her, but because I was late to the fandom and this is just my personal interpretation of what I gathered from the show, I haven’t looked for proof of this.

She spent time alone in a garden of hers with Spinel who was her “childhood” friend. I like to consider this to be the beginning of her teenage years, with wanting responsibility and to be taken seriously. With that she was slowly growing out of the needed of having the playtime friend that Spinel was. So after begging and pleading for who knows how long, the other Diamonds finally decided to give Pink her very own planet; earth. So, what did she do with Spinel once finally getting her own planet? She left her in the garden. In my opinion, the other Diamonds never truly taught Pink how to properly express her needs and wants; ie her tantrums. In my opinion this also mirrors how the other Diamonds would lock her away when she would “act out”. It’s quite possibly the only way she knew how to be rid of the friend she had outgrown, because it was what she was used to.

After leaving Spinel, Pink excitedly went to tend to her planet, and her Quartz soldiers began to colonize the earth. This is what all the other Diamonds did with their planets and it’s what was expected of Pink, although I’m not quite sure that Pink actually knew what having her own planet entailed. Her excitement quickly weaned once she realized sitting in an office behind a computer wasn’t as adventurous as she’d hoped it would be. With Pearls being companion servants, it was part of their job to keep their Diamond happy and “Our” Pearl felt that she was failing her duty. Once “Our” Pearl showed her the actual progress of her Quartz’s emerging, Pink realizes that this was what she wanted. To be up close and personal, meeting her soldiers and exploring, but there was a problem; the other Diamonds would never approve of letting Pink go to earth’s surface, so “Our” Pearl wanted (probably more than anything else) to make her Diamond happy, and so she came up with a plan; Pink could change her form (into a Rose Quartz) for the day in order to escape and explore.

After kindly greeting a freshly emerged Quartz soldier, Pink and Pearl set off to explore earth’s vast surface and Pink immediately fell in love with her earth. She couldn’t let her soldiers continue to colonize the earth, it would completely destroy the planet and its preexisting life, so she immediately returned to Homeworld and told the other Diamonds that she no longer wanted to go through with the colony, but Yellow told her to finish what she started. When Pink told them she wanted to preserve life on earth, they created the zoo on Homeworld and threw a handful of humans in. Pink pleaded with Yellow and Blue to cease the colonization of her planet, but she received the parental shutdown because her status meant nothing to them. Still basically a teenager, all she could do was ask, and when that didn’t work, she made excuses; too many organics, cities too difficult to dismantle, unruly Crystal Gems. Still, Blue and Yellow would not budge. Pink was becoming desperate and seeing no other way to make them listen, she changed her form into Rose Quartz once again, and tried to scare the Diamonds into backing off. She was fighting from both ends, trying her best to save her one and only planet, but still no luck. It was perhaps her final attempt as Pink Diamond to try reasoning with the other Diamonds to halt their assault on earth, but instead she was lectured. “As long as you are there to rule, this colony will be completed.” said Blue, and thus, the seed was planted. She would fake her shattering, saying goodbye to her Diamond from and permanently becoming Rose Quartz. From what we know, Diamonds are the hardest mineral and it’s basically impossible to actually shatter a Diamond, and yet, no one really dug deep enough to dispute the claim on whether or not Pink Diamond was actually destroyed. Keep in mind that during all of this, Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz she still had the mental development of a child/teen, and being a child means what? That she lacked the mental capacity to think her decision through a little better, that she didn’t think of the future or impact that shattering a Diamond would bring. She genuinely thought that destroying her Diamond form would cease the colonization of earth. Pink’s literal child thought processing mind never could have IMAGINED that faking her shattering would lead to an all out war! She was trying to SAVE the earth, she did not intentionally hurt anyone!

And so, after “shattering” Pink Diamond, the war was on. Bismuth created the weapon to end all weapons, the one thing that could very possibly successfully shatter a Diamond. But this is not what Pink wanted, she wanted to spare as many fatalities as possible, so instead of explaining her reasons behind wanting to prevent death to any beings (Diamonds included), as well as possibly exposing her rouse, she bubbled Bismuth and kept her safe where no one else could ever find out. But consider, if Pink/Rose Quartz truly wanted to be rid of Bismuth for good, she had numerous chances to just shatter Bismuth’s gem to permanently prevent another soul from ever stumbling upon her life threatening secret, but it was never in her nature to end anyone or thing’s life. It’s quite possible that she fully intended to free Bismuth, but was always questioning when to do it, too afraid that perhaps once she did, the most important beings in her life, her closest friends, would turn on her, not caring for her reasons behind bubbling another close friend. Once you lie to get away from something, it weighs on your mind, and as time passes you feel like you’ve just dug yourself deeper and deeper into an inexcusable hole. Again, this is speculation on my part, but the fact remains, she had every chance to permanently be rid of Bismuth, but she chose not to. I’m not sure of the timeline of the war, but both humans AND gems were lost in the battle, until the other Diamonds blasted the war site. In the end, Rose Quartz (Pink’s now permanent form) could only save herself and a few friends. This was never her intentions, she never considered that things could quite possibly end this badly with so many lives lost. This was truly the last thing she ever wanted because she had ALWAYS considered all life to be important. Her little pebble people, foreign life forms she had as friends on Homeworld, strong compassion, wanting to preserve ALL life on earth, healing tears and literally bringing things back from the dead is the proof of that! This was all her fault, and she knew it, she blamed herself probably everyday, every second of her life after the war, and this is why Rose Quartz and the other Crystal Gems scoured the earth, trying to find and recover any intact gems, as well as gem scraps, and bubbled every single one they came across, because Rose had literally EVERY INTENTION of finding a way to reverse the corruption of those gems. She knew that it would happen one day, she just never figured out HOW during her lifespan. Consider all of these things and ask yourself, if she truly didn’t care about the damage her actions had brought, would she really be dedicating the majority of her life on earth to finding and caring, trying to coax out the original mental state of all the corrupted gems they came across? “The truth is, Rose Quartz had tried to use her powers to save these monsters too, but she was never able to heal them.”

Hopping to a separate note in season 4, I believe that in Rose’s room, when Steven finally got to hang out with his mother, that Rose was a prerecorded smart simulation that Steven could interact with as he pleased. Gem tech was light years more advanced than any tech humans had ever made. She knew that Steven would possibly question his true purpose, why she had him, if she loved him, so she installed the knowledge of the Steven/Nora tape into her room.

So, here we are at the end, and I believe I’ve hit on the most important notes to explain her life and behaviors. Rose did not leave all of her bad deeds for Steven to fix. She never planned on meeting Greg and falling in love. Steven most likely was never even planned until the last year of her life, because notice how much Greg had aged in the photo of him and Rose. He had probably asked several times to have a child with her, and she loved him very much. She knew that humans have very short lifespans, and she wanted to do this with Greg before he was out of time.

[bcrtonarrcws]

Meta: Claire's relationship with Barney

              HELLO, HI, YOU HAVE JUST UNLOCKED AN ESSAY THAT IS PROBABLY JUST A LITTLE TOO LONG, if I do say so myself and given that I wrote it, I would say you should listen.

 Anyway, the Bartons are actually my favorite comic siblings to ever exist – probably actually my two favorite comic characters ever ever. Their relationship is so dysfunctional and a little broken, yet held together by shitty guardians and a rough childhood. It’s kinda beautiful, how after everything that happened to each other, they’re still close?? Like they trust each other, tease each other, they have each other’s back?? The relationship between Clint and Barney is truly one of my favorite representations of a pair of siblings who didn’t have the easiest life, mainly because, like without the superhero nonsense, their relationship is actually very similar to my own relationship with my siblings – a severely messed up ride or die that might end with one of us killing each other.

Yet, this question is what does Barney’s and Claire’s relationship look like, not Barney’s and Clint, which despite how little it would change, does change some things. To figure out what it changes though, I’d like to head to what their relationship is like, in canon, for me. I know that the fandom has it’s own view of Barney Barton – I don’t agree with it nor particularly like it, so it’s probably best if I explain how I look at their relationship.

So Barney Barton, born Charles Bernard Barton, is the eldest of the two – no ages because this is the comics and characters can’t have canon ages ?? I guess it’ll break the suspension of disbelief but like shrugs – and he showed up in the comics in 1969, before this, he never existed. Of course this is during the age of the 60’s so most superheros didn’t really like have a life outside of the comics they were in so it’s not that big of a deal, but like still, Marvel just creates this character to be Clint’s brother, tells us he’s a racketeer that’s been on the Avenger’s radar for a while, and then kills him in the same issue, only revealing at the end that he was an undercover FBI agent.

(yeah, they gave Clint a family and then killed said family right away, sounds so similar, y’know kinda like the movie-verse which gave clint a family with very little characterization and then snapped them – no wonder I love Laura so much)

Anyway, later issues of Clint’s will explain that their parents were abusive, they died and Clint and Barney ran away from the orphanage they were in when they were like teenagers – this would be retconned to young teenagers, then implied to be younger as of the Hawkeye (2012) series, which puts Clint sleeping under the tents at age 9 (src), which could or could not imply them being their already - it’s whatever, like it’s just gonna get retconned again. Running away to the circus always puts strain on their relationship no matter what age they are though, mainly due to Clint receiving training from their mutual “father figure” Jacques DuQuesne and Barney becoming jealous; a completely and natural thing according to all child psych I’ve read, it creates an environment that allows one kid to be the “golden child” and the other to be the “scapegoat” – now of course, we don’t know much about the dynamics of their full childhood, Marvel hates sharing any information like that, but we can extrapolate a fair amount.

(also, just so everyone knows, this jealousy did not pave the way for their relationship in later comics, namely Blindspot. In that it’s very clearly stated that Barney was found by Egghead to still be slightly alive. He was then held onto, for nefarious reasons, in a healing chamber, until he was found by Baron Zemo years later who then manipulated Barney against his brother so that Baron Zemo could get his revenge against Clint Barton. I’ll say it again, Barney was used against his own brother by an evil guy who hated Clint because Clint slept with Zemo’s wife; that is where the “Cain and Abel” dynamic comes from – not childhood)

Back on the tangentially related topic I was writing about. This jealousy grows until Jacques DuQuesne leaves after Clint finds out about his illegal dealings ( though the all new hawkeye actually kinda, maybe, a little, I’m unsure, retcons this with Clint finding out about it much earlier, when he finds out about Jacques having Barney stealing from people and places and finds the hidden cache of a gun, money and some other things under Jacques’ bed??? I don’t know, I’m now a little confused if Jacques still fucks off thanks to that comic ) - of course, this is after Jacques chases Clint through the circus, cutting the high wire Clint tried to hide on. Barney tells Clint, while his brother is in the hospital (and in literally a comic that got retconned basically) that he should’ve kept his mouth shut and stuck by Jacques no matter what (can we say that that sounds like trauma?? because guess what, psych 101 says that that’s kinda sounding like trauma since Jacques was trash to these kids, like literally, fuck Jacques DuQuesne – all my friends hate him – he’s an interesting villain but fuck the whitewashing of his bullshit).

This doesn’t sour their relationship at all – no seriously, it doesn’t which uh shows that neither of them really take each other at face value anymore – and they go back to the circus, Clint heals up, starts working with Buck (a man currently being written out of the comics world which is a shame because he’s kinda important but kinda not) and then Barney decides he wants out. With Barney in the army, Clint continues down the crime street and well, now that we’ve got a bit of background (over 800 words of background), let’s get onto what their relationship is really like for Claire and Barney.

Simply put, like in the comic relationship with Clint and Barney, Barney is a protective older brother, he taught Claire how to fight and aim, how to patch up simple bruises and cuts, taught her to drink her first shot (at like age fourteen, but like what do you expect when that boy was drinking much younger???). He was her first teacher, her best teacher – yes their relationship got complicated; it’s Claire when isn’t her relationships complicated – but at the end of the day, he helped shape her into who she was.

Less simply put…

He is her everything—in all the P L A T O N I C (I’m emphasizing platonic because please don’t take this in the romantic sense, they’re fucked up but not like that; I am not Marvel, I don’t ship siblings and pretend that shit is fine.) sense of the word—he was her guardian when all the guardians around her failed to properly take care of her; he was her brother who teased her and made fun of her; he was her best friend who understood what she went through, the only other person who did; he taught her as much schooling as she would sit down and listen to, he taught her how to cook herself some basic food.

He was a father, a mother, a brother, a best friend, a moral compass – which is why when he went off to the Army, Claire found it a betrayal. She hated him for the time that he was gone, though she forgave him not long before she first shot him because she could understand that to him  (the little purple box in the third panel: Carnival of Death, of course this is how Barney would remember things) the circus was never a home, just another temporary place to stay. 

(btw this is “shooting barney” thing that is part of my main verse, is canon. Clint shot his brother, who was working undercover as a bodyguard, while Clint was breaking into a mansion with the aforementioned soon-to-be-retconned-I’m-sure-of-it Buck Chisholm, which led to Buck shooting Clint in the shoulder when he refused to leave his brother’s body and pinning him to a tree – I don’t quite recall how Clint got out of getting arrested, I’m pretty sure it never explained, but I’m rusty and not really up for pulling out some old comics to read up on) 

(I lied, here’s the comic strip: 1. 2. Clint “somehow” managed to get free, take his brother to the hospital and then leave??? yeah sure. )

Anyway, let’s get on with it. So if that was their relationship when they were younger, what is it like now?? Now that Claire has found a place – a sturdy, yet unsteady, comfortable, yet spartan, to call her own –

( and yes, this sounds angsty, but Clint has issues accepting that he is where he wants to be – Clint is always running, even when standing completely still. It’s a trauma response to his shitty childhood where they never stayed in one place for too long; even when their parents were alive, they moved from above the family butcher shop to the Barton farm. Barney had it too, but apparently a relationship helped with that (and okay, look I love Simone and Barney, but that part in All New Hawkeye rubbed me wrong as a fellow wandering child turned rootless adult; the guy needs therapy, not just a relationship – but then again, Barney Barton does not get agency or a personality outside of Clint Barton; his life must revolve around Clint Barton, even when he was on the Dark Avengers, it was about Clint – and yeah, they’re brothers, “two sides of the same coin”, and all that jazz but like I’ve got three sisters and a brother, I’m my own person at the end of the day – something Barney Barton cannot say, which means ending his story on the note of retirement and falling in love is just the best thing so they don’t have to keep finding a reason to try to remember that Clint has a brother   I’ll stop with the rant, I’m sorry.) )

   where does a man who no longer has to be a father, mother, brother, best friend, and moral compass stand when his sister has all that? Well, for the most part, he stands next to her – in my main verse at least. After he has come back wrong (Buffy much?), he finds his place standing beside his sister, no longer solely protecting her from the world (as he had always done because the world is not kind to lost little girls or boys), because he’s learned that she can, for the most part, protect herself, and Claire finds herself less on a lower standing (less of a burden in her eyes, less of a child in need of comfort) with her brother, but more like an equal, something that’s a bit of a new situation for the both of them.

In truth, Claire’s relationship with Barney is complicated and messy but it’s hers, and when you have something that’s complicated and messy, you have to figure it out, and that’s what, in my canon, she’s doing. Sure Barney isn’t around a lot - he’s got his own shit to figure out - but he’s her brother, and she loves him, and he loves her and they’re trying to get to a place where they don’t accidentally poke the trauma they’ve got and ruin a good thing. 

......

Okay, so like did any of this make sense??? I don’t know. I guess, to sum it up really quick, in my main verse - and most of my canon - I’d say Claire’s relationship with Barney is slightly yet not really awkward – it’s awkward because once upon a time, it was simple. Yet at the same time, it’s a really important relationship because Claire was shaped by her brother (and of course all those shitty adults because there are no good mentors in the Marvel world, not for kids at least).

Idk, this is really just me rambling. Like I should just state that tis is just Mun taking all the retcons that Marvel stuck her babies through and trying to make sense of them along with a healthy dose of a smattering of psychology shoved all about because unlike Marvel, I have no desire to ignore the C-PTSD/PTSD that seems to follow both boys around thanks to their childhood – of course this crazy amount of words actually kinda ignores all the trauma they have as adults, but that’s a whole nother post for some other day

I also know that I carry some ~controversial ~ barney barton views - ie. he’s not a villain and that him and clint share a close relationship, that he isn’t dumb muscle (bitch got a 1350 SAT score with like minimal schooling, i’d like to see you do that) and that he wasn’t a shit older brother when they were kids - i’m not apologizing for them. not at all. i will never apologize for them. characters are more than one dimensional and if i gotta be the one to wade through all this vague ass bullshit to get those other two dimensions then i’m going to do just that, which i have done. 

plus it doesn’t even matter because through all the retcons clint and barney has gone through, this is what their relationship is; a fucked up dysfunctional sibling relationship gone off the rails when Barney was brought back from the dead and manipulated/brainwashed into hating his brother. it eventually got better, how? we’ve got none of that, but it did and and at the end of the day, as clint said:

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Writing Commission - Mirror Image

One day I’ll upload a story earlier than midnight, but that day (night?) is not now. So enjoy this writing project I finally finished that deals with Hitoshi and Eri becoming siblings! This can also be seen as a sequel to "How It Goes" which is why these two stories will get their own collection!

(Gifted to Keisan at the request of the one who originally requested this piece.)

                                                         ⁂

Summary: Shinsou Hitoshi is asked how he feels about having a little sister. The answer is awkward, but he’s willing to try after hearing about the situation that left a little girl looking for a home. A day later and he meets Eri. Now Shinsou is trying to give the girl “her space” so she doesn’t fear his quirk, his controlling quirk, while also struggling with the knowledge that while Hizashi and Shouta would never replace him, it was starting to feel that way – but even if that was true it should be fine, right? Eri needed a safe place and Hitoshi could try and help with that! Then again, things often backfired when Hitoshi tried to help.

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia    

Relationship: Shinsou Hitoshi & Eri

Characters: Shinsou Hitoshi, Eri, Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead

Rating: Teen Audiences

Word Count: 8,002

Transaction Amount: $40.50 (USD)

                                                       ⁂

              Check out my writing commission information here!                     Pledge to my Patreon to get exclusive content!                                 Or buy me a coffee on Ko-Fi!

                                     Read the story on AO3!

                                                        ⁂

It had taken three sleepy bites of his oatmeal before Shinsou Hitoshi realized his parents were nervous - both of them. It was hard to tell at first and, if Hitoshi hadn’t been their adopted son for close to a year, it probably would have been impossible, but all the signs were there.

Hizashi was ranting and rambling and nonstop talking without waiting for either Hitoshi or Shouta to respond like he usually did. Shouta, for his part, looked calm and half-asleep as he usually did, but there were no small smiles or little eyerolls at some of Hizashi’s stories. Instead he was just staring at his bowl like there was some answer as to why he suffered so much in his life. 

In fact, now that Hitoshi was really paying attention, he noticed that neither of them were fully looking at him. They kept glancing at him, or stealing looks, or looking at the top of his head, but neither of them would look him in the eyes. It was like they were having some secondary conversation about him that Hitoshi had no way of hearing or understanding. 

He could admit, if only to himself, that if this was at the beginning of his adoption he would have started panicking. He would have felt like they were thinking about getting rid of him or giving him up. After a year of living with them, however, Hitoshi decided that whatever it was, neither was going to be the first to say anything. For being professional heroes, they were pretty cowardly when it came to serious conversations.

“Okay.” Hitoshi set down his spoon, a little amused at how Shouta’s gaze snapped up to him and Hizashi shut his mouth so quickly there was an audible sound to it. Definitely serious, though. “What’s up?”

“Up? What makes you think something is up?” Hizashi asked-slash-laughed nervously, Hitoshi feeling no need to stop himself from rolling his eyes. “Everything is fine!”

“Yeah, the way your voice keeps climbing definitely says everything is fine,” Hitoshi snorted, looking to Shouta, who met his gaze evenly and just stared. “I can always just call Kayama-sensei and ask her.”

The two shared a look, Hitoshi amused as Shouta arched an eyebrow and Hizashi sighed in what was clearly defeat before mumbling a soft, “Alright, alright.” He then cleared his throat, smiling nervously at Hitoshi. “We actually wanted to ask you, ‘Toshi… We- Well, how- Hypothetically, how would you feel about having a little sister?”

Well, then. Hitoshi was a lot more awake than he had been a few seconds ago. It also seemed like the other two had become even more nervous, Hizashi ready to bounce out of his skin and Shouta fidgeting. Somehow, that was even weirder than the question he had been asked.

“Uh, well…” Hitoshi finally spoke, clearing his throat as he looked between them. “I’d start by saying that that doesn’t really sound like a hypothetical question.”

While Hizashi nervously waved his hands around and tried to come up with an excuse, Shouta only nodded at him seriously, “That’s because it wasn’t.”

Giving one last look between the two of them, Hitoshi pushed his almost empty bowl away and sat back in his chair. “Okay.” Hitoshi looked to Shouta because he, at least, didn’t beat around the bush. “I’m listening.”

Shouta mirrored the position, leaning back in his own seat before sighing and looking upwards, no doubt trying to find where to start. “Remember that mission we were on a few weeks ago?” 

Hitoshi hid a wince. It was hard not to remember it. It had been easy enough to find out it was something to do with something big, and Hitoshi had heard about some of the students and interns that had been at the center of it, but… The thing he really remembered was just how tired, worn, and banged up his dads were when they had finally come home. 

Shouta had packs of ice over his eyes for days after, and Hizashi had ‘talked’ in nothing but sign language to rest his throat while constantly sucking on throat lozenges. Hitoshi had basically resorted to throwing blankets over them wherever they passed out and making sure they were taking all the meds they had been told to. 

The thing was, though, that Hitoshi didn’t see how all of that could have anything to do with getting a ‘little sister.’ 

Thinking about his response for a moment, and deciding the two looked a little too serious, Hitoshi asked ‘innocently,’ “I remember, but is that meant to be a distraction? Seriously, did one of you knock someone up or get a uterus thanks to a quirk or something?” The reactions were beautiful. 

While Shouta’s cheeks flushed and he stared with wide eyes as if he had just been hit in the face, Hizashi made a noise that was very close to a shriek as his face grew to be the same red color as Shouta’s. “Aizawa-Yamada Shinsou Hitoshi you know very well that neither of those things have happened!”

“Yeah, I know,” Hitoshi laughed, shaking his head. “But it got you two to stop looking so serious, didn’t it?” The looks of frustration, annoyance, and amusement were wonderful, truly. “Okay, okay, what does that mission have to do with a little sister?”

“It’s a bit of a long story,” Hizashi admitted, rubbing at the back of his neck. “And there are some parts we can’t tell you quite yet.” Ah, one of those kinds of missions, then. 

“Thought you were good at long stories,” Hitoshi teased, grinning at Shouta’s laugh. “It is a day off, so why don’t you start from the beginning?” 

“Nope, living room first,” Shouta said, standing up and collecting the bowls to put in the sink. “I am not sitting in those kitchen chairs for hours because someone doesn’t know when to shut their mouth.”

“There’s no need to talk about yourself like that, Shou.” Hizashi dodged something being thrown at him the same second Hitoshi snorted. His dads were something else, sometimes. 

Still, they were eventually settled down in the living room, and the two did tell him why they were asking his opinion about a little sister. 

Apparently, her name was Eri. 

There were some parts of the story that were obviously missing or edited, but it didn’t take long for Hitoshi to realize that the past of the child named Eri was far, far worse than his past had ever been. While he had been afraid of his own quirk for years, the idea of having a quirk that someone would use for something like getting rid of quirks? He could only imagine how much she had suffered. 

Add all of that with the fact she was in the hospital, alone, and had no home or family to be returned to? Well, it wasn’t much of a leap in logic. 

“You want to adopt her.” Hitoshi didn’t bother to make it a question considering how their choice had been obvious before they even finished telling him the story. 

“After we talk to you about it,” Shouta said, Hitoshi doing his best not to jump because that was… startling. It was their house, after all. “Tell us, honestly, how would you feel having a young child who needs special care in the house.”

“I…” Awkward was the immediate answer he wanted to give. While Hitoshi had been in houses with younger ‘siblings’ before, his interactions with them hadn’t really been great. In most cases the adults wouldn’t allow him to talk to them because of his quirk or, sometimes even worse, the kids would pick up on that hate and use him as a convenient scapegoat when they did something wrong. 

Hitoshi tried not to hold it against them where they were young kids tossed into a system that didn’t really care about them, but, well. He had been happy when being adopted into a home with no other kids. He had been more than happy to stay an ‘only child’ too, but, well, Eri seemed like she needed a home more than he did. 

“I think I feel a little weird about it, but I’m not against it,” Hitoshi finally said, knowing he wouldn’t just be able to say ‘yeah, sure!’ and get away with it.

“You can say no,” Shouta said softly. “We can find another home for her and other caretakers if this makes you uncomfortable, Hitoshi.” 

Well, yeah it made him uncomfortable, but like hell was he going to say anything. This kid wouldn’t get better caretakers than Yamada Hizashi and Aizawa Shouta. “I know I can say no, but I don’t want to. A place like this… I think it’d be good for her. It was for me.” Aaand there was Hizashi’s happy wiggles and squeaks while Shouta tried to hide his smile and failed. 

“Seriously, guys, I’m okay with it – I’ll even do my best to help her settle in and feel welcome. Give her a real childhood instead of the hell she got.” Even as the words left his mouth, though, Hitoshi felt a spike of anxiety. 

It wasn’t like he hadn’t shoved the thought down because it was unlikely to the point of impossibility, but, well… one didn’t grow up in the system without that fear of being replaced by a child that was younger and cuter. 

It was a cruel thought to accuse Shouta and Hizashi of being the types to do that, but Hitoshi had seen it in almost every home he had been in. Younger kids would come in and be adopted and the older foster children, those labeled in their files as problems, would be shuffled along to yet another house.

And it was stupid. It was stupid to think that his dads would ever do anything like that, but, well… he only had a couple more years until he was a legal adult. Eri already sounded like an adorable little girl the two loved. He doubted that they would just kick him out and get rid of him like that, but the fear that he only had a limited amount of time with them until he was an adult and forced to make another new life of his own… It wasn’t exactly a good feeling.  

Those were worries for another time, though. As it was Eri was a young girl who had been deeply hurt and needed a safe, happy place to try and heal and discover who she was. She needed a place where she could learn to use her quirk and love her quirk - instead of hating it like she no doubt did and like Hitoshi sometimes still did. 

He was definitely worried about the future, but, well… It was hard to be upset or scared when it came to someone who might as well have been his younger self. 

He knew one thing, though. He was going to do his best to make sure this kid, Eri, felt safe. 

⁂

Apparently, the hypothetical question about getting a little sister meant Hitoshi got a little sister the next day. He wasn’t exactly surprised since she had no doubt been ready to leave the hospital for a few days, but it would have been nice to have more than half a day’s warning. As it was, Hitoshi was half-watching Eri explore the house and nervously flit from room to room. He would have been fully watching her, but he was mostly distracted by the fact Midoriya and some upperclassmen named Mirio was there. 

Mirio was acting like Eri’s shadow, jabbering on and reassuring her with every step she took, while Midoriya was getting closer and closer and here came the conversation he had been trying to avoid since seeing him. “Midoriya. No matter what delusions you seem to believe about yourself, you aren’t sneaky.”

“I guess you have a point,” he said before immediately striding across the room and standing right in front of Hitoshi. “So we’ll do it this way! Hi, Shinsou, how are you doing?” From the kitchen, Hitoshi swore he heard Shouta laughing. 

Finally rolling his eyes, Hitoshi gave Midoriya a small smile. “I’m doing better, Midoriya.” It had been mostly an accident that Midoriya had found out that he was adopted by Shouta and Hizashi, but he was good at letting them have their privacy and not telling anyone. Plus, the kid was such a bundle of cheer and goodwill that Hitoshi knew he wouldn’t be getting rid of him. “Better, but… kind of worried.” 

“Worried?” Instead of saying that there was nothing to worry about, Midoriya proved he actually had a brain unlike most of 1-A. “Are you worried about your quirk or hers?” Because they both knew, with Hitoshi, his worries would always stem from something quirk related. 

“I’ll give you one hint,” Hitoshi snorted, keeping his voice down so his dads wouldn’t hear. Midoriya was trustworthy enough to keep his secrets when it came to quirk worries, at least. “I mean… She grew up being controlled and hurt and now she’s in a house with someone who can brainwash her? Won’t that bring up some pretty bad memories for her?”

Midoriya gave a soft hum, Hitoshi thankful it looked like he was giving it some serious thought instead of just rushing to reassure him. “Well,” he finally said, tone slow and thoughtful. “I won’t lie. She’s been through a lot, but I don’t think she’ll be scared of you – or your quirk.” 

“Really?” Hitoshi snorted, crossing his arms and giving Midoriya a look. Just because he was weirdly trusting of everyone didn’t mean others were like that. “You don’t think the girl who’s been trapped and experimented on for most of her life won’t be afraid of a guy she’s never met with a quirk like mine?”

Midoriya sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck like he always did when trying to find the words he needed. “It’s not… It’s not that, it’s- Eri doesn’t know how to really show her emotions, yet, but she’s perceptive. I think she might be perceptive enough to figure out quick enough how you sometimes feel about your own quirk. And… kind of hard to hate a mirror image, right?”

Right. Hitoshi was going to have to kill Midoriya, soon, because apparently the kid was not only a mind reader, but was a ruthless mind reader. Wasn’t his quirk already powerful enough without giving him mind reading abilities or something? As it was, Hitoshi settled for scoffing and shaking his head, “I don’t need a therapist, thanks.”

Midoriya laughed, giving him a pat on the shoulder that Hitoshi decided not to swat away. He’d only be wasting his energy, after all. “Sorry, sorry, but don’t worry so much! She’ll love you, Shinsou, I’m positive about it.”

“You’re positive about everything,” Hitoshi finally said, giving Midoriya a light shove that the other only laughed brightly at. 

It really wasn’t long, though, before both he and Mirio were leaving, Eri clinging and hiding to Shouta who was showing her around her new room. Hitoshi, lingering in the hallway and trying to decide if he should give the girl space or go greet her, had the choice taken from him when he felt Hizashi gently push him forward. “Shouldn’t we give her time to settle in before meeting even more people? That’d be the polite thing to do, right?”

His response was Hizashi giving a snort of laughter and a teasing, “Since when did you ever worry about being polite?” Mm. Well. “It’ll be okay, ‘Toshi. She’s been stealing looks at you all day. Even if she might be cautious, she is curious.” 

Alright. Curious was something he could deal with, and, well, Hizashi probably had a point about introducing himself. At least then she would know who was in the house with her. 

When they got to the room, Eri was poking at the soft blankets and pillows, Shouta watching her closely while also looking a mixture between fond and protective. It was a look Hitoshi remembered when he had first been given his own bedroom.

“Hey, Eri,” Hizashi greeted quietly, having made sure to hit the squeaky floorboard that would let Eri know he and Hitoshi were in the doorway behind her. It was interesting to see all the same moves the two had used on him now that he had an outside perspective to it. “There’s someone we want you to meet today. Is that alright?”

While Eri looked at him, Hitoshi took the moment to properly look at her. He had seen that she was small when she first came in, but next to Shouta and half-hiding behind him she looked so small. Her expression was utterly blank, but her posture was shy and tucked in and her eyes read wary hesitation that came from shattered trust, and, well… Those were things Hitoshi could understand all too well. 

Thinking on the best way to introduce himself, Hitoshi waited until Eri nodded before he was sitting right down where he was in the doorway, Shouta and Hizashi, the nonbelievers, both giving him odd looks. Hitoshi only ignored them, giving Eri an even look and keeping his tone, expression, and everything else even and calm. 

“Hello, Eri. My name is Shinsou Hitoshi and I live here just like you do, now.” If he had been this young when the pain was at its worst and he had been taken in like this, he knew how he would have wanted to be greeted. 

Emotions were too loud, most times, and they were too much, and too many words said all at once just sounded like lies. He knew that from experience. Add in the fact that he was tall, had a dour appearance, and looked like a caricature of a villain most days? It would be best to get on her level or below it if possible. Let her feel like she had control, even if she knew she didn’t.

It seemed to work, Eri slowly peeking out more and more from behind Shouta before she was tightly gripping her dress and walking a few steps forward. She stared at him, expression blank and tone completely even as she managed a soft, “It’s nice to meet you.”

Honestly, Hitoshi could feel the pride radiating from his – their? – dads. He settled for giving a small, light smile. “It’s nice to meet you too, Eri.” Staying still, Hitoshi thought over his words for a moment. “I’m going to stand up now and go into my own room so you can explore yours more. You can come to my room anytime you need me, though.”

Hitoshi waited until Eri gave a firm nod before he was slowly and carefully standing himself up, making sure to only take steps back before he gave Eri a nod of his own and went to his room. He was waylaid by Hizashi giving him a tight hug, but soon enough he was in his own room with the door cracked as he listened to Eri settling in.

Collapsing on his bed, Hitoshi sighed as he stared up at the ceiling, thinking about the blank expression and the guarded eyes on a little girl who should have been smiling and laughing and screaming as she ran around a new house to explore. It really was like looking into a mirror, Hitoshi mused to himself. That really only left one thing to do, though, and that was to give everyone their space for the next few weeks.

He wouldn’t outright avoid anyone since his dads would just think he was falling back into old habits, but he would be careful to not make things worse for Eri. The last thing he wanted was to give her a reason to dislike him or, worse, make her transition into a difficult or scared one. So, he would just give her the space she needed to settle in and make sure to do the same for his dads. 

After all, Shouta and Hizashi were going to be running around like crazy the next few weeks. Not only were they adopting another child, one who had been raised and abused by villains, but they were taking in a little girl. She would be harder to care for and look after than Hitoshi, who was already fifteen and old enough to look after himself. 

So. That was that. He had met Eri, tried to make it so she wouldn’t have any reason to fear him, and he would keep making sure she had no reason to fear him. 

Besides, how hard could it be? Hitoshi was a master of hiding in his room and avoiding people. If anything, the next week to weeks would be a relaxing vacation. 

⁂

It would have been. It would have been a relaxing vacation if Hitoshi wasn’t stressed out and starting to drive himself crazy because, apparently, he used to be a master of hiding in his room and avoiding people. Now, however, was a bit of a different story and he was hating it.

To start with, he hadn’t realized just how much time he spent out of his bedroom and in the rest of the house. From eating breakfast in the kitchen to lazing about in the living room to hiding out in Shouta’s office to going to Hizashi’s office for homework help, Hitoshi was all over the house. Now, though, he was trying to avoid that.

Since Eri typically ate in the kitchen with Shouta and Hizashi so she could get used to eating meals with others, Hitoshi tried to either arrive late, early, or take his meal up to his room if he was ‘busy.’ Used to he would have just skipped a meal, but he knew if he did that Hizashi would track him down and force feed him — maybe. A lot of his attention was on Eri, these days- Which was good! 

So, Hitoshi tried to avoid the kitchen as often as possible, which, okay, easy enough. He could do that. Except then he saw Eri in the living room with Shouta who was explaining cartoons to her, and, alright, he didn’t watch television that often anyways and he had a phone and a computer. He was perfectly alright avoiding the living room while Eri found her balance and Shouta explained cute cartoons with cats in them to her. 

Just so he didn’t go stir crazy, though, he still kept up hiding-slash-lazing about in Shouta’s office. At least he did until half a week in when he had seen Eri sitting on a chair next to Shouta’s desk and quietly listening to him speak like Hitoshi typically did when they were both in the office. Which, again, it was good. That meant Eri was starting to open up so all of Hitoshi’s avoiding was working, obviously. 

And while, yeah, he was forced – while he conceded – most of the house to Eri, he still had Hizsahi’s office to laze about in and the man to ask for homework help or some of their typical language lessons. At least he did until last night when he had found Eri sitting on Hitoshi’s desk and clumsily moving her hands and fingers as Hizashi started to teach her sign language. 

And it was fine. It really was. Eri needed their support more than Hitoshi ever did, and he had been shown enough kindness by them. He didn’t need to be jealous and hoard their attention when Eri needed it far more than he did. 

That meant he was trapped in his room for he wasn’t sure how long, but that was fine. He still had school and he could still leave the house and go visit other places and half of Class 1-A kidnapped him every other day to ‘bond’ anyways. Plus, he saw Shouta and Hizashi in the halls at school every day.

Everything was going good, and okay, and then that morning Hitoshi had accidentally entered the kitchen when Eri was in there and she had run. It hadn’t been the childish running of just wanting to go do something else, it had been her fearfully running from him. 

Hitoshi, since then collapsed face first on his bed, had made a mental note to tell Midoriya he was a lying liar who was wrong when he next saw him at school. He was mentally drafting all the swears and insults he was going to use when he heard three knocks to his door, five seconds of silence, and then the soft sound of the door opening. 

“You know, there are more comfortable ways to sleep.” Yep. Shouta. Alright, Hitoshi just had to handle this carefully because there was a fifty-fifty chance between Shouta prying into what was going on or just letting it drop. 

“Jokes on you, I’m not asleep,” Hitoshi said back, words muffled by the pillow his face was crammed into. It didn’t last long before he felt the bed dip and his pillow taken away from him, face smooshing into the bed with a huff. “That was mean.”

“I’m a mean person,” Shouta replied, Hitoshi easily picturing the half-smirk on his face. “Now, do you want to confess or should I pry it out of you?”

Hitoshi managed a laugh, finally rolling onto his side and looking up to see Shouta sitting on the edge of the bed, close enough to touch but far enough away to give him his space. “And how many villains have you told that one to?”

“Depends on if they’re still awake after the first punch,” Shouta shrugged, smiling before he was gently pushing Hitoshi’s hair back, look falling into concern and yep. There it was. “What’s wrong, Hitoshi?”

“You know, I’m having flashbacks to the last time you thought I was having a meltdown or something,” Hitoshi said, giving Shouta a look and pleased when the man admitted defeat by looking away. “And, as far as I can remember, my ‘meltdown’ was because I was trying to surprise you for your birthday.”

Shouta tsked, looking back at him with narrowed eyes that were as threatening as their cats when their claws were stuck in something. “You’re never going to let that go, are you?” No. He wasn’t.

Ready to roll back over and resume his sulking, Hitoshi paused as Shouta spoke softly and seriously, “‘Toshi… what’s going on?”

Right. Hitoshi couldn’t lie to Shouta, so he would just… have to admit to all of his convoluted reasoning about everything that was going on. That was easy. “I…” Okay. He should start with why he was not-avoiding-but-it-looked-like-avoiding Eri. “I’ve just been having a few social problems in school – not bullying, just… something.”

“Oh.” Shouta blinked at him, staring for a long moment before his eyes slightly widened. “Oh. Um, do you… want me to get Hizashi for you?” What? Why would he- Ah. Right. This was punishment for lying. 

“No, no, no, it’s not- I mean-” Hitoshi fumbled with his words, and, hey, at least it made his story more believable, he guessed. “I’ve got a handle on it.” Which was true. He did have a handle on what was going on in his life. And he did have… social problems in school – as long as he counted Class 1-A trying to adopt him. 

“If you’re sure,” Shouta sighed, ruffling his hair again and giving him one of those soft, supportive smiles. “You know you can come to me with any problem, ‘Toshi. I’ll always be there to listen or help you. Whatever you need.”

And, aha, wow. Hitoshi was not ready for the guilt that came from straight up lying to Shouta like that. He was used to lying to adults; he was so used to lying to adults it was the first thing he often did. Lying to Shouta, though? That… he wasn’t prepared to feel so guilty at that. 

Hitoshi watched as Shouta pulled back, a tight feeling winding itself up in his chest before his hand snapped out to grab the man’s sleeve, and, shit. Shouta was already giving him a narrow-eyed look that was equal parts protective and concerned. Thankfully – blessedly – the universe decided to show mercy as Shouta was then distracted by his phone vibrating with the pattern that meant hero work. 

It took a moment to let Shouta’s sleeve go, Hitoshi watching as he was given another look before Shouta was answering his phone with a sharp, “Eraserhead.” It was only a few seconds before Shouta was repeating a rather impressive swear before he was tilting the phone away with a soft, “Don’t let Hizashi know I said that one in front of you.”

Hizashi managed a quiet laugh, that tight feeling only getting worse as he watched Shouta stand, speaking a quick, “We’ll be there soon.” before he was hanging up and looking seriously at Hitoshi. “Mic and I both need to go downtown as emergency backup. I don’t know how long we’ll take, but the news should start reporting in the next ten or fifteen minutes from what I picked up.”

“Got it,” Hitoshi nodded, thankful it was a familiar enough routine he at least knew what to do instead of panicking. When Present Mic and-or Eraserhead were called in for battle, Hitoshi usually managed to find the news story and watch until things were resolved. 

“Good, because you and I aren’t done talking.” Ugh. Great. Now Shouta was concerned. “You’ll also need to keep an eye on Eri,” he said, Hitoshi feeling his heart almost stop as he followed Shouta out of his bedroom. “She’s napping in her room, right now, but if she wakes up I don’t want her to be alone.”

“Ri- Right. Got it. I can do that,” Hitoshi managed, keeping his expression straight as Shouta shot a sharp look to him. “No worries. She might not even wake up before you get back, but I’ll be here if she does.”

It was a whirlwind of half-shouted words and movement before Hitoshi was waving the two of them off as they quickly left for downtown. Hitoshi was slow in closing the front door, leaning against it, and, right. He just had to watch the house and… Eri. The little girl who was his sister and apparently couldn’t stand being in the same room as him. 

Right. Right! He could deal with that. Afterall, Shouta had said that she was taking a nap and, if she was anything like the rest of the family, that meant she was down for a few hours, at the least. 

Which meant Hitoshi could handle a few hours until his – their – dads got back. That was the plan, at least. Just like with his last plan, however, it completely failed.

He had been planning to sit in the living room and watch the news to keep an eye on whatever fight Eraserhead and Present Mic had been called into, but instead he had barely sat down before he heard screaming. 

His training kicked in before his instincts did, Hitoshi immediately dropping the television remote and instead grabbing his binding cloth from the hall closet and throwing it around his neck. He was sliding into Eri’s room with his senses on full alert, ready to pound whoever had broken in into the ground before he saw the situation for what it really was – and it was so much worse. 

Instead of some robber or villain breaking in and trying to hurt Eri, the girl was sitting up in her bed and seemed to be scared and screaming over herself, curled up in bed with the covers tangled around her heavily breathing and crying form as her small hands clutched desperately at where her horn had grown. 

The horn itself was starting to glow and spark wildly and, while Hitoshi didn’t know everything about her quirk Rewind, he knew enough to know that what was happening was not good. He also knew enough to know it would have been a great time for Shouta’s quirk, but instead they were left with Rewind and Brainwashing and fuck. So much for trying to make a good impression on Eri. 

Making his way over to the bed and crouching down, Hitoshi tried not to shift uncomfortably or even just run away at the pure power pulsating through the air. It felt like pressure was pressing down on him from above and, as much as he wanted to flee to his own room and call their dads for help… Eri was crying. She was scared and looking at him with wide, terrified eyes. 

“Eri?” Hitoshi finally tried, careful to keep his voice and tone low and even as he didn’t dare move. “Can you hear me? It’s Shinsou Hitoshi. Do you know where we are?” Instead of an answer or even so much as a shake or nod of the head, Eri only scrunched down more with renewed sobbing as her horn started to spark even more fiercely and- Okay. Alright. He was a hero (in training). He could handle this. 

He couldn’t erase her quirk like Shouta could, but he could at least get Eri to stop using her quirk. She would hate him, but that was okay as long as she was soon safe, “Alright, Eri, I… I need you to answer me verbally, okay? It doesn’t matter what the answer is as long as you answer it. Alright?”

It was a tense minute of silence when the pressure in the room seemed to only grow, Hitoshi ready to try something else to try and get a response when Eri muttered a whisper-soft, “Okay.” 

The second the word was out of her mouth and Hitoshi felt the open connection between them, he lunged for it, holding on tightly and watching as her eyes became glazed and blank as he took control. As much as he wanted to ramble off apologies and immediately release her, he had to try everything he could to help her – even if she would hate it.

“Calm down,” Hitoshi finally ordered, keeping his words even and calm. “Let go of your quirk and deactivate it as you take even, deep breaths in and out every five seconds.”

Hitoshi watched carefully, Eri’s powers slowly starting to settle as she took deep, even breaths with a still blank face. It was enough to make the guilt in him claw at his insides, but he promised himself that Eri could hate him all that he wanted once he was sure that she was safe. 

“Good,” Hitoshi said softly, very carefully moving a hand to rest against her back, gently guiding her body back against the pillows before he was tucking the blanket around her. “Okay, next, I want you to remember that you are in a new home. It’s a nice home in a busy neighborhood filled with other children that are always running around and out playing.” He hadn’t been told everything, but he had been told enough to fill in some blanks.

“There’s always sunlight coming in through the windows and there are two cats that love sleeping in that sunlight. You have your own bedroom full of soft, warm things. Nothing in this house is hard or edged or makes you afraid. This is a house that, every time you enter it, you feel safe and protected; all because of the two people that live there.”

“Think about Shouta and Hizashi,” Hitoshi ordered, trying to keep his voice calm and warm at the same time and not show any of his worry or panic. “They helped you escape and now they want you to stay with them. They want to keep you.” Something in Eri seemed to respond to that, Hitoshi feeling through the connection he had on her that she seemed to calm down quickly. “You know that, too, right? They love you.

“So, remember that you’re in a sunny, warm, safe house with two dads who will do everything to protect you and that love you so very much. Remember that everyone in this house loves you and wants nothing more than for you to feel safe here. That we want nothing more than for you to be safe. Okay?”

It was slow – it was so slow – but Hitoshi finally saw Eri’s horn begin to shrink to its smallest size, Hitoshi near breathless as the pressure in the room started to disappear, everything calming down and jeez. If that’s what it was like having a kid with a crazy quirk, then Hitoshi was pretty sure he never wanted kids.

Finally, though, Eri’s tears trailed to a stop, Hitoshi really hoping that it was from her feeling better and not his mind control just trapping her in her panic. Letting that connection server, Hitoshi was sitting up, worry clawing at his insides, “Eri, I’m so sorry. I know my quirk probably brought back some bad memories, but I was trying to help-”

“Is that true?” Eri’s voice seemed to kill his in an instant, Hitoshi simply staring at her as she looked up at him with wide, vulnerable eyes. He had a feeling she wasn’t talking about him using his quirk on her. 

“I…” Okay, he had no idea what she was talking about, he just had to keep calm and stay calm so as to not freak her out like he was freaked out. “Is what true, Eri?”

“If…” Eri trailed off, looking down and away from him before slowly, so slowly, looking back up with eyes full of emotions. “If everyone in this house loves me.”

Hitoshi was pretty used to being speechless the way his life had gone, but he couldn’t say he had ever been speechless as guilt and self-hatred ate at him because… that’s what she thought? Hitoshi had been trying to make her feel safer and instead he had made her think he hated her. 

“I… You don’t think I love you like Dad and Pops do?” Hitoshi watched as Eri looked away from him and oh. Oh, he had really fucked up, hadn’t he? “Have you thought that this whole time? Ever since you got here?”

“No! I-!” Eri cut herself off, tears building up in her eyes and it was official. Hitoshi was a monster for making this little girl cry; a little girl who was meant to be his baby sister and needed the help he had needed at that age. “You- When we first met, the way you greeted me made me feel really, really safe. But then… you started avoiding every room I was in, so I thought you didn’t like me.”

Eri looked down at her lap, a few tears slipping own her cheeks as she continued in a softer voice, “I’ve been trying to keep out of your way, but I still made you come all the way into my room and deal with my quirk. I’m sorry I caused you so much trouble.”

Hitoshi let himself move before he could even think it through, scooping Eri and her blanket all into his arms before hugging the little girl tightly, hand settling on the back of her head as he held her close. Eri didn’t fidget or kick or struggle, merely sitting in his arms peacefully as if waiting for him to say something.

After what felt like a lifetime, Hitoshi managed to begin talking, “I haven’t been told everything about where you came from, but I know enough to know that you were controlled for a large part of your life. I wasn’t avoiding you because of your quirk, Eri, I was avoiding you because of mine. When I was your age my quirk was revealed to be Brainwashing. What you just felt? That’s what my quirk does. If I ask a question and get an answer, then I can control someone and tell them to do almost anything.”

Eri was silent for a long moment, finally pulling back to look at him properly, rubbing at her cheek to wipe away a few of her tears. “That sounds like a powerful quirk,” she finally said. “Like mine. It sounds scary at first, but it’s not, and it sounds like you can do a lot of good with it, though, like you did for me- Ah! You’re like Aizawa-san! You can neu- null- um, you can stop quirks and then help people that way.” Eri didn’t give quite a smile, but her eyes said so much. “Shinsou-san… You’re crying.” 

Oh. He was. “Sorry,” Hitoshi managed, rubbing at his own cheeks and oh, man. He would happily die for this little girl. “Sorry, Eri, I just- A lot of people don’t think that way. When I was your age and growing up, others were actually scared of me because they thought my quirk could do a lot of harm.” There was a deep, sorrowful understanding in Eri’s eyes that shouldn’t belong there. A little girl shouldn’t understand so much. 

“I was called a villain for most of my life,” Hitoshi near whispered, brushing hair out of Eri’s face. “I don’t know what it must have been like for you to go through so much, but I know what it is to suddenly feel like everything is too good to be true. I know what it’s like to suddenly be in a place where you can do the things you want, but you’re too scared because what if…”

“What if it’s actually not allowed,” Eri finished just as quietly, looking at him with wide eyes as something seemed to come to her. “You’re… like me.” Yeah. Hitoshi had a feeling she would have recognized that, too.

“I wasn’t avoiding you to make you feel bad.” Because she needed to understand at least that much. “I didn’t mean to make you think I didn’t care. I was trying to give you space so you could adjust at your own pace without any fear and figure out who you really are and who you want to be in this family.”

Eri went quiet, Hitoshi simply holding her in his arms and letting her think over whatever she needed to. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Eri asked a near voiceless, “What if I want you to be my brother like I want Aizawa-san and Hizashi-san to be my parents?” 

And, okay. Okay, Hitoshi could never again make fun of Hizashi always crying or being dramatic because Hitoshi had no control when he started crying and hugging Eri close because that was so sweet and this little girl had been hurt so much and had thought he hated her and she still wanted him in her life. 

He held her close, half-laughing and half-crying, “I guess it’s a good thing I want you to be my sister, then, isn’t it?” Because he really, really did. It wasn’t just about pleasing Hizashi and Shouta or wanting to have a good relationship with a foster sibling, or anything else. Maybe a little bit was a part of that, but mostly…

Mostly he just wanted to help this scared child who had been through so much and deserved a home and a good family. Hitoshi didn’t want to see her turn out like him, bitter and jaded and scared and angry at the world. He wanted to see her learn how to smile more and more each day. He wanted her to be his sister.

“I’d like that,” Eri said back, voice watery and tearful as she latched onto the binding cloth still around his neck, near burrowing herself inside and okay, that was really, really cute, and, alright.

Hitoshi supposed he wouldn’t use all of his insults on Midoriya when he next went back to school.

⁂

When the door finally opened to show their dads walking in from another successful villain fight, Hitoshi was spread out on the couch and half-asleep, Eri already asleep on his chest, curled up right over where he was pretty sure his heartbeat was and still tangled up in his binding cloth and using it as a blanket and pillow in one. There was also a cat squashing his hair down and another trapping his legs. He was pretty sure he would never be able to leave the couch again. 

The only thing that made him move at all was when he saw Hizashi open his mouth to give his usual loud greeting, Hitoshi reacting on pure sleepy instinct and throwing a pillow at the man’s face. The indignant look was great, as was Shouta’s sharp snort of laughter. 

“Eri’s sleeping,” Hitoshi explained before Hizashi could complain, watching the both of them look surprised when they saw Eri on his chest quietly sleeping. “How’d the fight go?”

“As usual, they could have done it without us,” Shouta scoffed, kicking his boots off and keeping his voice quiet as he walked forward and knelt down to give Hitoshi a serious look. “Do we still need to talk?” Ah, right. That mess.

Ready to deny, Hitoshi paused. Now that everything was worked out with Eri, or at least starting to get worked out, he probably did need to talk about how he had basically preparing himself to be replaced. It wasn’t quite to the level as some other incidents he had gone through when learning to live with the two of them, but it probably was something he should talk about.

“Not… right this second, but I think we should probably talk soon,” Hitoshi finally said, hiding a smile at the gentle ruffle to his hair. 

“And how’s the little princess,” Hizashi cooed, leaning over the back of the couch and running his fingers through Eri’s hair. It was too adorable to watch the little girl scrunch her nose up before blinking her eyes open. “Eri? Did you enjoy your nap?”

Eri was quiet for a moment, leaning into the soft touch cautiously before looking between their dads. “I had a nightmare for a while. My quirk acted up.” Ah, and there was the red alert panic on both their faces. “It’s okay, though. Hitoshi-nii used his quirk to save me and make me feel better. I’m okay, now.”

Hitoshi was ready to explain further about using his quirk before his brain completely shut down because she just- She had just- Eri had just- Hitoshi-nii. “Is that…” Eri looked shy, gently tugging on his binding cloth. “Is that alright if I call you that-”

“Yes. Absolutely.” Hitoshi squeezed his baby sister close and it was official. He was doomed. There was no more winning. He now understood why everyone was charmed by this little girl. “You can call me whatever you want.” 

“Hitoshi-nii, huh?” Hizashi was grinning and Shouta was no better and oh, god, he was never going to live a life of peace again, was he? 

“Daddy, Papa, I’m… hungry. When is dinner?” Eri barely finished her question before Hizashi was bursting into sobs and yelling something about how it wouldn’t be long, barely making it into the kitchen. Judging by the way Shouta scurried after him, he was just as emotionally broken. Eri, on her part, only looked up to Hitoshi and while her expression was even, her eyes screamed smug. “I don’t think they’ll tease you, now.”

Hitoshi was laughing before he could even stop it, hugging Eri tight and moving them around on the couch so she was safely nestled in his lap and facing the television, “Hey, how about we watch some cute shows until dinner is ready? Your pick since you just saved my life.”

“Okay,” Eri noded, crawling over him to get the remote before settling right back down. “Is it okay that I call them that?”

“Of course.” Hitoshi brushed her hair back, looking down into her eyes with a soft smile. “They’re your parents, after all.” 

The small, soft smile was probably the most beautiful thing Hitoshi had ever seen.

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

The Zombie Trio~! 

A trio of misfit teenagers and best friends who are tired of all the bullshit in their lives and taking a stand for themselves together. They’re fierce, sassy and powerful, but also silly and love to have a good time, especially with one another and the rest of their classmates in the Hero Course. 

(From Left to Right): Ashlen Kyanse (OC), Amy Martinez (OC) and Hitoshi Shinsou (Canon)

Note: This is all fiction and part of a fanfiction that my girl @ashleigh-luvs-14cats and I collab on~!  And I felt like making TV Tropes for our group that we made in the fanfics with Shinsou~! :3 

Adorkable: The three of them are pretty quirky and dorky in ways that make them quite endearing, especially when they start singing and dancing together or taking goofy pictures and playing games with each other.

Affectionate Nickname: They give each other a LOT of cutesy nicknames.

Amy has ‘Ames’ (by both Shinsou and Ashlen), Witchy (by Ashlen) and Dummy (by Shinsou)

Ashlen has ‘Ash’ (by both Amy and Shinsou), Love (by Shinsou) and Honey (by Amy)

Shinsou has ‘Toshi’ (by both Amy and Ashlen), Tosh (by Amy) and My Heart (by Ashlen)

All of The Other Reindeer: All three of them have experienced rejection and bullying from their peers simply for being different from other people.

Amy was mocked for supposedly being ‘quirkless’ and then later when she discovers that she’s a witch, the pro-heroes felt too intimidated to care for her so they abandoned her and left her in the care of other witches. But even in America after the coven was outed to the world she was bullied by other witches for her quirky personality.

Ashlen had no friends in her school upon being moved to America and taken in by a rich family, because her peers thought she was snobby or dangerous to be around once some of her peers pretended to be her friend and discovered her second quirk.

Shinsou’s only real friend was Amy while other kids picked on him or made him a scapegoat because they called his quirk ‘villainous’ and he was ignored by his peers, who also called him a ‘future villain’ and as a result he had no other friends except for Amy.

Ambiguous Disorder: All three of them have some variety of undiagnosed mental health issues that shows up from time to time but it’s never confirmed.

Iida believes that Amy has some sort of Bipolar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder due to her mood swings, lashing out, risky behaviors, unstable relationships and extreme fear of abandonment. However, Amy’s inability to control her emotions and relationship difficulties and triggers that come from either certain events or certain people also highly resemble Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Although Amy also shows many signs of Depression as well since she’s had moments of self-loathing, suicidal thoughts and detaches herself from loved ones when her intrusive thoughts haunt her.

Ashlen, similarly, has several moments of anxiety, self-loathing, depression, panic attacks and overwhelming emotional reactions especially when she is triggered by her painful memories to the point where she needs her dog The Colonel for emotional support and takes medication to regulate her troubled emotions. Implying that she may have some sort of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or Depression, as she, like Amy, suffers from self-hatred and also has a poor self-image that adds to her own intrusive thoughts.

Likewise, Shinsou is prone to panic attacks, night terrors and anxiety when he’s overwhelmed, has poor sleeping patterns  (that may indicate some form of insomnia), poor coping mechanisms (eating and over-indulgence) and moments of self-loathing, intrusive and troubling thoughts, and anxiety imply that like Amy and Ashlen, he may have some type of Depression.  

Anti-Hero Team: All three of them count, while Amy and Shinsou are straight examples of anti-heroes by being selfish and/or rude troublemakers who look out mainly for themselves but still have the goal of being heroes and do occasionally do the right thing. Ashlen is more of a Classical Anti-Hero as her insecurities are the only thing holding her back rather than a compromised morality.

Badass Crew: They’re all capable of fighting villains on their own, but together they’re quite a force to be reckoned with as their classmates each dread the idea of taking on all three of them together as a crew due to Amy’s magic, Ashlen cancel quirk and Shinsou’s brainwashing.

Beauty, Brains and Brawn: Sweet and bright Ashlen is the Beauty, sarcastic and gloomy Shinsou is the Brains while impulsive and magical Amy is the Brawn.

Beware The Silly Ones: They love to joke around with others, especially people they think are stupid, but are NOT to be underestimated.

Amy embodies this trope, as she certainly looks like a harmless and ditsy girl but she’s an extremely powerful witch who can hex, jinx and curse people, and is very easily provoked.

Shinsou doesn’t look like a silly guy, but he’s pretty deadpan, witty and can easily join in Amy’s wackiness from time to time (esp. when Panic! At The Disco is involved), but he’s still a proficient fighter and knows how to brainwash people just like that especially when angry.

Ashlen is the least silly of the three as well as the nicest, but she does have a sense of humor and can joke around just as much as Amy and Shinsou, however angering her  is a very, very bad idea since she’s very good with swords and WILL paralyze your ass if you piss her off.

Birds of A Feather/Not So Different: Two introverts and an introverted extrovert, while they seem pretty opposite at first glance, the three of them actually have a LOT in common with each other.

Amy and Shinsou relate to feeling discriminated and hated by others for having ‘villainous’ powers, and they’re both equally witty and mischievous and have been friends since childhood because of this. And Amy and Ashlen are probably more different than her and Shinsou, but Ashlen has a similar sense of humor and tastes in movies, cartoons and music, as well as feelings of loneliness and isolation that enables the girls to bond. And then Ashlen and Shinsou can bond over having very practical quirks, while she’s a nicer person than he is, he gets along with her great because they’re both introverts, insecure by nature and then they also discover that they’re both pretty smart-alecky and learn to appreciate each other to the point where they start dating. 

The Caretaker: They each can act as this towards one another. Ashlen is the prime example as she often plays mother hen to both Amy and Shinsou by making sure they’re both healthy and feeling secure. Shinsou also acted as one to Amy before Ashlen by making sure the witch was feeling okay and recovering from an incident. But he can also easily take care of Ashlen, especially when she is suffering from a panic attack or is in need of comfort. And while Amy is usually being cared for by either Shinsou or Ashlen, she can still play the role just as well by checking up on either one, whether it’s consoling Shinsou when he’s upset, or spending time with Ashlen and comforting her when she’s sad or overwhelmed.

Color-Coded Characters: They each have their own different colors schemes, Amy (Pink), Ashlen (Blue) and Shinsou (Purple).

Comic Trio: Downplayed due to Shinsou and Ashlen being far more level-headed than Amy.

Amy is usually the schemer who comes up with the crazy ideas, Shinsou isn’t a Fool by any means but nonetheless tends to follow Amy’s lead because he thinks it’ll be hilarious, while Ashlen plays the Only Sane Man and attempts (but usually fails) at reigning the two of them in.

Dance Battler: They’re all quite proficient in dancing.

Amy is the only one who hasn’t had any professional training in dancing, but she learns how to be quite good at it by watching videos and is good at physical comedy and making funny faces to make her dancing very entertaining and impossible to not watch. Although she does later get lessons so she can dance with Bakugo. 

Ashlen is the only one of three to be considered a dancer as she has had professional training and is highly skilled in ballet, waltzing, salsa and other forms of dance, is very flexible and can also perform some very impressive flips, pirouettes and spins that make her a marvel to watch and she also can utilize some dance moves in combat.

Shinsou had to take dance lessons for a school play during the second Culture Festival, as he had no real training in dancing and merely danced along with Amy but also learned watching some videos, especially ones with Yanis Marshall and gradually became a skilled dancer.

Dark and Troubled Past: They all carry some emotional baggage from their pasts, which actually enables them to bond because they all agree that they’re each ‘pretty fucked up’.

Amy was discriminated against because she was believed to be quirkless as her powers didn’t start manifesting until she was 9 years old. When she found out her witch heritage, hunters emerged from the shadows and killed her parents by burning her mother and lynching her father, while the pro-heroes saved her from getting killed they gave her away to Fiona to live at the coven in New Orleans, which forced Amy to leave Shinsou. The coven was small but very dysfunctional under Fiona’s neglectful care and undermining Cordelia as Amy tried and failed to have her sisters get along. And then Amy witnessed several murders, bloodshed and betrayal that traumatized her into the hardened but unstable girl she is today and she still has anger and abandonment issues.

Ashlen had a normal and happy life complete with an ordinary but useful quirk, but All For One arrived one fateful night and murdered her parents right before her eyes and then implanted her second quirk in her which was extremely painful and nearly killed her. Although the Sennen family adopted her, she was ostracized by her peers  at school who either thought she was a monster due to her second quirk or believed her to be snobby and entitled due to her family namesake. Then what friends she did made turned out to be fake who only used her in an attempt to make themselves look better. As a result, Ashlen grew up reserved, distrusting of others and fearful of herself due to her unstable powers and still suffers from self-esteem issues and a guilt complex.

Shinsou came from a normal family, but because of his brainwashing quirk he also faced some discrimination as his peers and even some teachers deemed it a ‘villainous quirk’ which diminished his self-esteem especially when students either bullied him or when his classmates deliberately ignored him and pretended he didn’t exist. While he had Amy to make it better, her leaving made him feel more alone than before. Without his only friend, he became much colder and more distant, which made him an easier target. In middle school, he acted out times by brainwashing two bullies into beating each other up, while he mellowed out in the 9th grade, he became much more cynical and aloof, having no desire to make friends until Amy returned in his life.

Dysfunction Junction: Despite getting along really well, they’re not immune to bickering, especially Amy and Shinsou, with Ashlen having to play the peacekeeper and break them up. And then Shinsou often acts as Amy’s enabler and lets her do anything she wants (much to Ashlen’s disapproval), particularly when the witch is in a bad mood with Ashlen uncertain of how to approach her and vice-versa, Amy can easily enable Shinsou when he’s in a bad mood. At times the three end up walking on eggshells around each other when things get tense. Which is ultimately why Amy says they’re more like family than a mere friendship because they actually deal with important things beyond school.

Exhausted Eyebags: All three of them sport them from time to time. Shinsou’s are almost always prominent, but Amy and Ashlen’s eyebags show when they’re overwhelmed or anxious. Although Amy’s are also more prominent when she’s angry or in a foul mood. In fact, this trait is also partially why they called themselves ‘The Zombie Trio’.

Fighter, Mage, Thief: Ashlen is the (Fighter) due to her swordsmanship, expert combat skills and speed she utilizes for her Cancel quirk and she’s the one who’s mostly on the straight and narrow. Amy is the (Mage) as she’s a witch with several powers and can use 6 of the 7 wonders that she uses any chance needed. And Shinsou is the (Thief), having to rely on being manipulative and sneaky for his Brainwashing quirk to work and allow him to trick and deceive opponents.

Fruedian Trio:

Amy is the emotional, reckless and borderline psychotic Id

Ashlen is the calm, collected and grounded Ego

Shinsou is the logical, deadpan and pragmatic Superego

Gasshole: They sometimes casually engage in burping contests between each other, especially Amy and Shinsou, joined by Kaminari and Kirishima, with Amy and Shinsou being quite proficient in the ‘art of burping’. But to their surprise, Ashlen herself can belt out some fairly impressive, unladylike belches when she loosens up and plays around with them.

Amy: YAY! Ash! You’re as nasty as we are!

Good Is Not Soft: Amy and Shinsou are trouble-makers but also training to be heroes and Ashlen is the nicest of the three, but neither three of them are pushovers and have no issue roughing up villains or playing dirty if needed.

Good Parents: They each have some pretty decent and upright parental figures in their lives.

While Amy had an Abusive Parent in Fiona, Cordelia is Amy’s godmother  who loves her unconditionally although she is prone to spoiling her too. But she never stops looking out for her and is very supportive of her. Amy’s biological mother and father were very loving towards her and comforted her in their final moments.

Shinsou’s mother and father support and love him and always express pride in their son for getting himself in the Hero Course. They’re also Good Parents to Amy, despite her not being their biological child.

Ashlen’s biological mother and father were great parents who adored their daughter, and Ashlen’s parental figures that include her sisters and adoptive father also love her dearly and look out for her.

Heartbreak and Ice Cream: Their go-to whenever one of them is extremely depressed and upset, as Amy shamelessly drinks soda and binge-eats cookies, chocolate, candy and ice cream when she’s sad, and then she has no issue sharing her sweets with Ashlen and Shinsou. Ashlen, a sweet tooth herself sometimes may have a soda and some sweets when she’s sad, and even Shinsou has no shame in eating cookies and ice cream when he’s upset or heartbroken.

In-Series Nickname: Bakugo has nicknames for each of them, calling Amy ‘Witch Bitch’, Shinsou ‘Eyebags’ and Ashlen ‘Princess’.

Likewise, Madison tends to call Amy ‘Hermione’, Shinsou ‘Purplehead’ and Ashlen ‘Ellen Ripley’.

Interclass Friendship: A variation as each of them come from a unique background that doesn’t at all affect their friendship.

Amy, while she used to come from a normal upper middle-class family with a mother who was both a witch and a hero, she later had to move with the coven, an independent group of socialites and politically active witches who descended from Salem. Whom are also warriors who act as allies for hero society and Amy being something of an upper-class socialite and witch warrior.

Ashlen also came from a pretty normal upper-middle class family, but she was taken in by the Sennen family. A royal family  that dates back to the ancient times of the pharaohs and is connected with Magic and spirit energy lead by two powerful women and Ashlen’s adoptive sisters and royal-like figures. Making Ashlen a princess of sorts, but she’s still  a fighter from a high class family.

Shinsou is the only one who comes from a relatively normal family with his parents having modest occupations and his father being a doctor rather than a hero, so his family makes good enough money for Shinsou to be considered upper middle class but unlike Amy and Ashlen, his family has no connections.

Kiddie Kid: In a way, all three of them oscillate between endearing acting-their-age childishness and adult-like maturity. Although it’s Played Straight with Amy, Downplayed with Shinsou and Ashlen.

Amy’s pretty impulsive and immature, even enjoying things that would probably be more suited for pre-teens (toys, cute things, etc.) and still likes playing childish games like Hide and Seek and Tag You’re It.

Shinsou, despite being more mature than Amy, laughs at some of her childish jokes, isn’t above playing along with her games (especially Tag) and can sometimes be just as immature (if not more so) as Amy. 

Ashlen is actually the most mature of the three, but she can also loosen up enough to play around and fun with Amy and she enjoys the same cute things and toys that Amy likes.

Lame Comeback: Amy, Ashlen and Shinsou are usually pretty witty but when they’re too angry they usually make some lame remarks when they’re too upset to think of anything good.  

Like An Old Married Couple: At times the three resemble a family, with Ashlen being ‘The Mommy’ of the group, Shinsou being ‘The Daddy’ and Amy being ‘the Child’. Shinsou often enables Amy’s antics, but knows how to dish out Toguh Love when needed, and Ashlen, although nurturing and loving, encourages Shinsou to not be so lenient on Amy, their hyperactive, mischievous best friend. It’s even more prominent when Shinsou and Ashlen are discussing and/or arguing about Amy’s behavior as if they were parents talking about their child and even dote on her at times. Likewise, Amy at times can cling to either Ashlen or Shinsou if they were a mom and dad, and also going to Shinsou when she wants something from him, and Ashlen when in need for emotional support. 

Like Brother and Sister: Amy and Shinsou are very much like brother and sister, and Amy considers Ashlen like a sister to her and all three of them function together like a family.

Living Emotional Crutch: All three of them function as this to each other in some way.

Amy says that Shinsou’s the only reason she came back to Japan and doesn’t know what she’d do without him as she suffers an emotional breakdown at the thought of not having him in her life because he was her first ally from the very beginning and best friend from the start. However, because she cares about him so much she nearly cuts off ties with him again just to protect him from her. And as she befriends Ashlen, she admits to feeling closer to her than anyone she’s ever met, feels comfortable around her but also greatly fears her leaving her the most which is why she had another mental breakdown at the thought and went back to her mansion for a time, and then she confesses that she probably would have gone on another homicidal rage if not for Ashlen’s influence.

Shinsou feels closest to Amy overall since she was his very first friend the best friend he’s ever had, and when she left to New Orleans, he took it badly and broke down hard, becoming more distant from others. And he nearly breaks down when Amy lied by saying she didn’t want to be his friend anymore after she went on a rampage at UA. He also at times clings to Amy because he knows that no matter what, she’ll always support him. Also, as Ashlen enters the picture, because she’s the first person to ever show him any true, intimate love he feels especially close to her, adores her and takes any argument they have hard and admits that while she’s his first and only girlfriend, that he couldn’t love another woman the way he loves her, because she’s the only one who can make him feel loved and secure. 

Upon meeting Amy, Ashlen loves her very much and sees her as her very best friend and a true friend, even nurtures her because she grew to love her so much. Even as Amy starts to show her true colors and deeper psychological issues, Ashlen’s love doesn’t fade, but she does fear the thought of losing Amy more than anything, and at one point pleaded with her not to leave her alone without a best friend. Finally, when she finds love in Shinsou, she feels safe, warm and loved by him, and not unlike him, takes their arguments extremely hard, even taking all the blame because she fears losing him just as much due to her unconditional love for him. 

Nice, Mean and In-between: Ashlen (Nice), Shinsou(Mean) and Amy (In-between). However Shinsou and Amy can switch the roles where Amy is acting as the crueler one and Shinsou can be more laid-back and decent, but Ashlen is almost always the Nice on.

Odd Friendship: These three make up a pretty odd but nonetheless very close friendship.

First you have Amy and Shinsou, a chaotic girl with energy for days and a low-key, apathetic guy who doesn’t care about much things, but they’re best friends and have been since childhood.

Then Amy meets Ashlen, a sweet but shy girl who became very close and best friends with the much more outgoing and obnoxious Amy.

Then there’s Ashlen and Shinsou, she’s much more of a sunshiny optimist while Shinsou’s more of a cynical pessimist.

Positive Friend Influence: When they’re not being bad influences or doing mischievous pranks, each make each other happier and better people overall.

For Amy, Shinsou reminds her of her humanity and all other better memories before the coven. Shinsou also can at times be able to reign her in when she’s upset, and enables her to think before she acts. And then Ashlen’s influence is what allows Amy to be much more reasonable and gentler, as her friendship helps Amy learn more lessons in being kinder to people and to forgive the people she felt hurt by.

For Ashlen, having an outgoing and supportive friend like Amy made her much more confident in herself, allowing her to be more assertive, proud of who she is, and she also learns to see her own beauty and even gains a newfound wild side. Likewise, Shinsou encourages her to loosen up a little bit and his endless attraction and devotion to her also adds to her confidence and boosts her self-image.

For Shinsou, Amy’s fun-loving and cheerful personality makes him laugh and allows him to have fun and get a little bit goofy as he humors her and can join in on her antics without letting life overwhelm him. And then having Ashlen as his friend and girlfriend makes him want to be more compassionate and he also learns to be less envious of others, more secure in himself and she also helps him boost his own self-image as well. 

Power Trio: Together they’re a ridiculously powerful group of fighters who are even stronger together.

Ragtag Bunch of Misfits: They’re a group of friends made up of a witch, a trained fighter and a world-weary cynic trying to become heroes. Together the trio consists of.

A loud-mouthed, hyperactive Cute Witch who grew up in an infamous coven of powerful witches. Who happens to have a wide array of powers and is a little bit unstable to boot.

A skilled but troubled Warrior Princess with two quirks, one being highly unstable and dangerous. But she still has a strong sense of justice even if people haven’t been kind to her.

A curt and surly Deadpan Snarker with the power of Mind Manipulation and a less than approachable demeanor. However, he still wants to do the right thing, even if he is a bit of a Troll too.

Red Baron:

Amy: “The Coven Heroine: Tricky Witch”

Ashlen: “The Neutralizer”

Shinsou: “Mindjack”

Red Oni Blue Oni: Amy is the Red Oni to both Ashlen and Shinsou’s Blue Oni, although Ashlen can also be the Red Oni to Shinsou’s Blue Oni.

Serious Business: Four Words: Panic! At The Disco. Amy and Shinsou take Brendon Urie very seriously and take any ill remark against him as blasphemy and they manage to get Ashlen on the bandwagon.

Socially Awkward Hero: They’re all pretty socially awkward in their own ways.

Amy is overwhelmingly cheerful and over-the-top for most people, vulgar in speech, has no sense of personal space (as she constantly touches and hugs other people randomly) and usually unintentionally makes people uncomfortable by talking about inappropriate things that really shouldn’t be discussed in public, but she is generally friendly and does mean well.

Ashlen has the best social skills out of the three, but is still pretty shy, awkward by nature, prone to social anxiety, and gets nervous around people she doesn’t know, and is also easily flustered around boys she likes.

Shinsou is aloof, rude and snarky, and doesn’t go out of his way to befriend anyone except Amy, but is also pretty awkward when someone is being genuinely nice to him, and then he gets extremely nervous and flustered around Ashlen, to the point where he resembles Midoriya when he speaks to her.

Superpowered Evil Side: All three of them have superpowered sides or experienced power highs that enabled them to go berserk, lose control of their powers and even made them turn homicidal, even towards allies.

Amy’s Sentio Compassios can turn into Sentio Furia when greatly provoked. Already legitimately insane, she easily gets drunk on her magic and loves toying with her opponents, and when she’s that angry she freely lets go of all control during a rampage to unleash her power and destroy almost everything and anybody in her path, friend or foe.

Ashlen’s second quirk Dark Manifest is what makes her go berserk, even though she’s level-headed by nature. she has issues controlling her second quirk as when she’s pushed to the brink, it causes Dark Manifest to overwhelm her right mind and turns her into a bloodthirsty murderer and makes her lose her morality and kill whoever provoked her and anyone else who she feels like purely for fun.

Shinsou developed an alter-ego that Amy calls ‘Control Freak’. He wanted to get stronger and took up a training session with Amy’s friend Nan, and she and Madison give him a potion to amplify his brainwashing to make it more like Concilium. However, as his quirk’s power was amplified, the potion cost him his sanity and he lost himself momentarily and attacked even his friends and forced them to fight each other because the power high gave him an overwhelming sense of control over everyone regardless of who got seriously hurt..

Sweet Tooth: Amy is the most obvious one with a sweet tooth, but Ashlen also very much enjoys sweets and while Shinsou says he doesn’t love sweets, he’ll still eat them, especially when upset.

Token Trio:  Amy (witch), Ashlen (two quirks) and Shinsou (single quirk)

Toxic Friend Influence: Downplayed, at least with Ashlen. Amy and Shinsou are toxic friend influences to each other to begin with and bring out each other’s bitchy side, but they can also sometimes be able to encourage Ashlen to indulge in wild and crazy antics such as drinking Amy’s infamous Magic Juice at a party or pulling hilarious pranks on other classmates.

!Tres Amigos!: Duh.

True Companions: They all came together recently, with Amy and Shinsou being Childhood Friends and later meeting Ashlen, but the three of them are very close, tight-knit, love each other’s company, comfort each other when upset and always support each other and have each other’s back no matter what.

Two Girls And A Guy: Amy and Ashlen are both girls with Shinsou as the sole guy of the trio.

Underestimating Badassery: Since Amy and Shinsou often bicker or make crude jokes with Ashlen having to look after them like a babysitter, people often take them at face value... until all three of them start beating the living hell out of villains and showing just how powerful they are.

Weirdness Magnet: They’ve all been exposed and/or attracted to some of the craziest supernatural things that are weird even by hero society standards.

Amy, being a witch, gets exposed to all types of weird and magical happenings with witches, vampires, demons, ghosts, a minotaur, voodoo queens and the Anti-Christ so she claims ‘nothing shocks her’.

Ashlen’s family actually overlooks several different supernatural things that include ghosts and demons, and so Ashlen is no stranger to the supernatural and is unsurprised by stranger things.

And because Shinsou’s close to Amy and Madison, he knows many things about witches and has become less and less fazed when something strange happens.

With a Friend and a Stranger: The whole set-up of the dynamic with Amy and Shinsou being childhood friends and Ashlen being Amy’s new friend who instantly gets along with Shinsou, and later, becomes his girlfriend. Unlike many examples though, these three are NOT a love-triangle, but DO involve one or two different love triangles OUTSIDE of the the trio.

You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Angry: Angering either three of them equals big trouble.

Amy is very easy to provoke and she’s The Dreaded in her class for a reason as she will start screaming, destroying things and fly into a rage if angered. And should you push a major button, it was nice knowing you.

Ashlen is actually quite slow to anger, but when she’s angry she gives a fierce glare and ALWAYS delivers righteous punishment to the one who angers her. And this is scary even when her second quirk isn’t awoken yet...

Shinsou is usually pretty levelheaded but when he gets upset, he gets upset, becoming both irrational and aggressive as he will attack the person who pissed him off, and play dirty as well just to let them feel pain.

[h3l10tr0p3]

Bnha Spoilers Chapter 232-235 ahead:

Shigaraki Tomura's Past

This is an analysis of what we know as of yet about the boy born as Shimura Tenko.

The Shimura Household-

Shimura Koutarou, son of Shimura Nana (7th OfA holder, and All Might's mentor) is a successful businessman who owns a two-family home, invites the parents of his in-laws to stay. The joint family consists of- Koutarou, his wife, his in-laws, his (elder) daughter Hana, his son Tenko and their Corgi Mon-chan.

From the start, Shigaraki describes this family as a family of his Father- Koutaro, and not the family of the eldest in the household (the in-laws). It gives us a clear idea of where exactly the authority lies and how much of an influence he holds over its members.

The family is a really well-off one: Two cars, a two-stored suburban condo with a seperate study, a lovely backyard, and they have a pet dog. Shimura Tenko was far from poverty.

Let's look at the members

The Grandparents

Clearly, they love Tenko and Hana a lot, and dote upon their grandkids as grandparents are wont to. But they are 'adults' the same as Tenko's father and Tenko's mother.

When Tenko keeps craving for approval and validation of his dreams to be a Hero from an adult figure, they their try to distract him into psuedo-satisfaction (with his favourite food) or try to (mildly) guilt-trip the boy so that his dreams and his 'inconvenient' calls for acceptance remain buried under the 'happy and peaceful' suburban dream that they seem wary of breaking (and it seems like they are wary of provoking the final authority in the family, Koutarou)

These kind of actions are incredibly commonplace and it happens all the time - this doesn't make their actions excusable though, only relatable. But from another point of view it implies that the grandparents are meek and might actually be afraid of Koutarou for either of two reasons- his known history of violence or the instability of his character (more on this later).

The Mother

She is also caring and loving just like her parents- she takes care of Tenko, is incredibly worried about his allergies. rushes after Tenko when The Father pulls him away to punish him, and finally confronts him when he has gone way too far. But Like begets like, environment moulds character. Thus, she too is another meek personality who cannot stand up against the overbearing authority of the patriarch up until the last moment where violence gets involved. She too is undoubtedly aware that Koutarou can indeed get violent and grim- and this makes her the cautious parent, the stopgap, trying to keep the children in line so that the Father doesn't have to resort to drastic measures. Thus, despite all the love she can shower her son with, she never once supports Tenko's dream. Again, it's understandable. It's cause she knows very intimately what happens to the families of Heroes - she married the man who came from such a family. Instead of supporting Tenko, she asks him if he is sure of it, perhaps trying to seed doubts in his mind, perhaps being sympathetic to his wishes. But rven when Tenko repeats he likes to play Hero and was really happy when his friend compared him with All Might (showing us once more how deeply rooted the currently retired Hero was in Tenko's childhood)- the mother never really encourages Tenko's dream.

When Tenko asks if his dad hates him for being possibly quirkless, she says it isn't so. It's just that his father knows how hard a Hero's life is. And that's that.

You can see that longing for approval in Tenko's eye and the disappointment that follows when the words he yearns for (You can be a Hero) remain unsaid once more. Up till now, 3 people, 3 adults out of 4 have denied this dream and the last adult, The Father, is vehemently adverse to it.

"Children can be surprisingly self-centered and straight forward"

Let's take a small break here from the family members- here, we see one of the two monologues that has been repeated in the chapter 'Children can be surprisingly self-centered and straight forward'. Ngl, I thought this was Shigaraki commenting how his friends Mikkun and Tomo-chan repeatedly left him out when they played together. But the sequence of scenes, gives me a different idea.

From what I gather, it is Shigaraki saying that 'Tenko' as a child, was self-centered and straight-forward. Because right after his conversation with his mother he should have felt dissuaded from continuing with his dream to be a Hero, it has already worried his mother, grandparents and sister, and possibly led him to believe- that his father hated him. However in the very next panel, we see Tenko has gotten into trouble for persisting with that dream and getting into trouble for playing 'Hero'. Shigaraki, as an adult, has begun to condemn that idea in retrospection- going as far as to alienate himself from the past by reffering to his own childhood self with a generalization - 'children'. (There is an alternative reason for this)

Self-centered because Tenko didn't think of the grief and unease of his family when he continued to dream;

Straight-forward because Tenko doesn't have the complex rationale of an adult to support his dream. He selfishly wishes to be a Hero, not for anyone else, but only for himself - there is no other reason for it. A child shouldn't have anymore complicated reasoning for it either.

But Shigaraki clearly considers this his own folly for giving into such emotions at that time.

The second time where this line is repeated when The Father comes up threateningly towards Tenko with the intention of punishing him.

Contrary to the previous use of thia line, here it implies that there is a different subject as the panel moves directly from Hana to Tenko. Which brings up two possibilities -

The line is meant for Tenko himself again. But it doesn't seem to fit.

It is meant for Hana.

Before I explain how it is directed towards Hana, let's return to the Shimura family

Hana

For a few chapters, Hana has been portrayed as Tenko's only true sympathizer and supporter who takes his side in the world of dream-crippling 'Adults'. Although she is maybe only 2 or 4 years older than Tenko, Hana has the wisdom that becomes the first-born, elder sister- she displays incredible emotional intelligence and understands her family dynamics well, probably from past experience. She knows that their Father would get mad at her if she openly declares her intentions to become a part of the Hero-Sibling duo with her younger brother, so instead she tells him that he wants to become a housewife like her mother - a very tactical answer indeed. I suggest so, because in turn it again subtly hints at how fearsone the Father's temper can be, which in fact gets so bad at times that Hana does not take any chances of tempting this ire by suggesting any profession other than that of a Hero. Saying 'housewife' is safe. It keeps her in the clear. From this itself, we can interpret that she values her self-preservation, and is prepared to bend her morality for it

But exactly how far will she go to protect herself? We get that answer very soon-

To evade punishment from the Father, Hana, makes Tenko the scapegoat by suggesting that he was the one who roped her into commiting what was forbidden. It put majority of the blame on Tenko's poor shoulders. Was it cruel of her? Yes. Dud she want to do it? No. Why would she do something so cruel to him if she didnt want to see Tenko hurt then?

The answer is simple-

Hana probably did not think things your escalate so far. Yeah, she probably imagined her Father would be incredibly pissed and take it out on Tenko, but she didn't think it would go down the road of physical violence. What she did was not right, absolutely not. But can we really blame her for it? This is a child, we are talking about. By nature children are afraid to enrage authority, and Hana is no different. She was self-centered in what she did. But did she lie? Not really. Her wording might seem to the Father that it was completely Tenko's idea, but 'he wanted to see it', is not a lie. It's straight-forward. Tenko did want to see the photograph once he was told about it.

From what we have ascertained to be the common vein in all the members and how they have each failed Tenko in their own way is the Father. Either they are sympathetic of his past or afraid of his temper- the later being more prevalent and pronounced in it's effects. Tenko too, at some premature level, understands that all this happens because of his Father's Authority. Thus comes the second idea which was repeated twice-

"The house that my Father built"/ "This house was the one my Father built"

This line is always mentioned in conjunction to Tenko's punishments and can be said that Shigaraki considers his Home a Punishment in itself too.

This idea is reinforced with this simple statement.

"It only itches at home"

The implications of this are perhaps more grave. This instance mentioned is by no means Tenko's first punishment. Tenko has gone through enough of them to have come to anticipate the emotional pain (and on one instance, physical) with every misdemeanour he commits. The cycle goes from his Dream to a Misdeed, to Home, to Punishment to Pain. It's a water-tight assembly line. No surprise why Tenko would come to think of his Dream as a Source of Pain later on. But at this point in his childhood we see how the flowchart cements the aspect of Home = Punishment.

We know (or at least conjecture) that the dermatitis that affects Shigaraki might be a side effect of his quirk as it has begun at such a young age. With that logic, it isn't a leap to say that since his quirk's effects Only at his Home (his source of Pain), it is a Protective Response. Shigaraki's quirk is Decay. It activates to Decay noxious stimuli - like pain. Like his Home.

(Please excuse the horrible squiggly lines)

Why does this happen sting occur then?

Instinct. Quirks are physical abilities which heavily relies on instinct - which explains why Bakugou is so flawless in his control, he is 'pure instinct'; or why All Might had very little difficulty is mastering OfA - the answer is Instinct. In Tenko's case, it is the instinct to Protect Himself. Because right after he throws the ball and looks at his hand, his Father storms in with a brutal intent. That Sting is his Quirk telling him to Protect Himself. It isn't dog hair, or some indoor allergen that makes him hurt. He hurts because pain is the most powerful noxious stimuli that can incite a protective response.

It has a psychological as well as a physiological effect on Tenko. He hurts because he expects it. It's his body's way of telling him that 'If you dont use your quirk now- you'll hurt even more".

After the Father has hit Tenko. A new emotion takes the position of 'stimulant' for his quirk and that is

Hatred

In here, Tenko throws a ball for the Dog and immediately after he feels a sting. At first it seems as if it might actually be from the Dog. But it doesn't make sense. Tenko says that it gets worse only inside the House, not outside it. Yet in this one instance, he feels a particularly violent sting not just outside the house, but also AFTER he as stopped touching the Dog. It isn't the post-monsoon moisture either which is making him hurt, his narration doesn't really serve as a clue as to what causes his allergy, it simply lends the vividness with which Shigaraki remembers this important moment in his life.

Another thing to notice. Shigaraki never once says "This is the Home my Father built"

He says House. Shigaraki has deliberately used House here, because he doesnt feel any familial warmth from this place anymore, and hasn't for a while now. Instead what he feels from this 'House' is pain and denial.

I am gonna break character here just to scream about this part. (*takes deep breath*)

Okay...

Children-

Not Child. But CHILDREN. PLURAL. FUCKING PLURAL.

NANA SHIMURA HAD MORE THAN ONE CHILD.

Koutarou is not her only child!! She has another child!!! And any fucking guesses who?

MIDORIYA INKO

Both All Might and Izuku have agreed (indirectly at the very least) that Midoriya Inko has a likeness to Shimura Nana. SHIGARAKI AND IZUKU ARE COUSINS. I REPEAT. THEY. ARE. COUSINS!!

I don't give a fuck if this doesn't turn out to be canon. The manga reader can give me documented fucking proof and say it to my goddamn face that Shigaraki and Izuku are not cousins, Dabi is not a Todoroki, Inko didn't accidentally marry the biggest baddest evil legend of Quirk Era. I am gonna spit at their faces if they dare to feed that horseshit to me after THIS level of FORESHADOWING.

((Edit: Some Corrections and more Useless TRIVIA ABOUT CONNECTING SHIMURA KOUTAROU AND MIDORIYA INKO))

Okay, now to end this shitty long post!!

The Father

We are meant to hate Koutarou. We do hate him - he has imposed the absolute law of his will upon an entire family and terrorizes them with his temper. We should hate him. But then we are given a snippet of his past- A boy whose mom was hardly there for him and his sibling(s?), who left them behind to fight some evil guy without choosing her family and ultimately choose her duty as a hero over her family. But despite having this animosity towards his mother, Koutarou wishes that Nana had hated him, instead of loved him so much. He says so because then it woukd have been easier for Koutarou to whole-heartedly hate his mother for leaving them behind. But she truly, selflessly loved him - he understands that and still doesn't forgive her, because he wanted her to selfishly choose her family above everything else. Her absence has left a hole in his life that he cannot fill with hatred, nor with love - he is caught in this infuriating middle where he laments his short temper against Tenko, but also fears that his own child might be ripped away from his family again because of Tenko's dream. Heroics has taken the most important things from Koutarou's life and he doesn't want to see it happen again- he is prepared to go to any lengths to prevent that from happening. But he acknowledges that violence was a step too far. He blames his mother for his insecurities and fears of losing his family again.

In fact, Koutarou's desire for a complete family is so immense that he solely bought that two-family house for the exact reason he could invite his in-laws. He even calls them 'Mother' and 'Father' directly, as if they were his own. It doesn't fill that gaping hole in his heart that yearns for Nana, but it's atleast something.

Koutarou is not a good person. He is not meant to be, he is supposed to be relatable like so many bad guys in the manga - Everyone is a Hero in their own lives, everyone believes what they do is (if not right, then) for the better.

Fear drives Koutarou to extreme actions and cruelty. And I am convinced that whatever Tenko will have to suffer in the future due to his father will also be a byproduct of his immense fear of losing his family.

Does this imply that Tenko hates his Father?

Paradoxically, no. Although Tenko says he Hates everyone it isn't so for Shigaraki. Shigaraki keeps the 'Father' hand closest to Himself. Even when Bakugou knocked out the 'Father' hand, that itself was enough to spike Shigaraki's temper. He didn't have any recollection of his family then, but he still held on to it. Shigaraki, much like Koutarou himself, doesn't hate their parent - but is lodged in an in-between. For Shigaraki he is seeking his Father's approval even when he is long gone, he is carrying forward the misinterpretted hatred of Heroes by being a Villain set out to destroy everything. Out of everyone in the Shimura Family, Shigaraki constantly keeps craving the acceptance of one Adult Figure, and whose acceptance would mean the most? Obviously the one who held most Authority, whose opinion matters most. His Father.

Tenko may have decayed his family's everything but their hands. We know from previous chapters that he might have been handled with other equipment instead of direct skin contact because his family members were afraid of his power. But, instinctively again, Tenko wanted their physical contact so dearly that his quirk ended up decaying everything But their hands.

The Hands were the only things left because Tenko's power couldn't bring itself to destroy his last chance of physical contact with his family.

[shioritsumi]

hey you know what video game I can’t stop thinking about?

Remember Me

I’m so sad my ps3 doesn’t work anymore bc I want to play it again. The combat was weirdly difficult at some points, but it was fun. And that plot. DAT PLOT. DAT MESSAGE. 

It’s about the importance of facing the bad and even traumatic memories of our pasts. That no matter how painful they may be, they’re part of what makes us human, and without it we cease to be people. 

The idea of the memory bank started with such pure intentions, too. A tech genius’s wife and daughter were in a horrible car crash, and it was technically the kid’s fault. She was destroyed by the guilt of knowing her mother’s facial scar and brand new brain damage which caused her daily pain and threw her into occasional INTENSE fits of rage was all her fault, and all he wanted to do was bring his daughter RELIEF from that guilt. 

he remixed her memory of the crash, reformulated it into a sequence of events which made the accident...well, an accident. An accident that was in no way her fault. You later have to go back and UNMIX your own childhood memory to figure out what actually happened. But the dad only remixed her MEMORY of the event, not the event itself, so suddenly protagonist Nilin grew up with the idea that her mother unfairly blamed her for an accident which she was convinced was in no way her fault. Good intentions, but...

Further, when Nilin suddenly has the burden of guilt lifted from her shoulders, her dad realizes he can help OTHER people. He can take away the guilt and pain of every traumatic memory people have suffered. He can HELP people!

Problem: it quickly becomes an addiction, where the wealthy just file away every unpleasant memory, while the poor common man either has to live with their memories in the gutter, or suffer glitches as their memories begin to corrupt from excessive filing and refiling. Eventually, they may become criminals, and when you’re imprisoned for crime in Neo-Paris, they take all your memories and they just store them in a separate database. Or even erase them entirely.

Which is what was supposed to happen to protagonist Nilin, except she had a best friend who was obviously a computer the whole time, Edge. Edge had a backup of virtually every memory Nilin’s ever had that was recorded on data, even her childhood. Especially her childhood. Somehow this doesn’t strike her as suspicious. (probably bc of all the rumors that Edge, the mysterious head of this terrorist organization is her boyfriend, and you just kinda assume she trusted her boyfriend with that stuff)

BUT

but the whole concept! Memories! Their importance! 

And EDGE!

SPOILERS but Edge actually IS the memory bank, so by the current point he’s pretty much literally MADE of every bad memory the Neo-Parisians don’t want to live with. Everything from traumatic memories to unpleasant encounters with strangers on the street are all he has in his head, and he’s TIRED of being the scapegoat just because humanity doesn’t want to face their own pasts. Good memories have become another part of consumerism, leaving those in the slums even worse off, but on ANOTHER level. And when their wealth fails even the higher ups, it fails them HARD. If their memories fail, they could die. Or worse, become corrupted walking corpses, seeking out whatever clean data and electricity they can get their hands on, unable to even remember how to function as a living human. They’re only technically alive at that point, run by a glitching electrical system in their brain. 

That’s a fate worse than death. 

UGHHHH I LOVE IT i wanna play it again nuuu

[bi-starprincess]

Visual Novel Reviews: Black Closet (Introduction/Overview)

Visual novel reviews are something I’ve wanted to get into for a long time now. So, for my first attempt, I’m going to be covering the game Black Closet by Hanako games, a noir mystery visual novel with yuri romance.

I’ve been following Hanako Games for years--they’ve been my first love when it comes to visual novels. Black Closet, I believe, came out around 2014-2015, and as a young queer girl I was very excited to see an exclusively yuri game be released. Black Closet features two art styles--each beautiful in their own way--an intriguing all-female cast, several cases to solve, a choose-your-own personality main character, and much, much more.

Continued under the cut!

You play as Elsa Jackson, a student at an elite boarding all-girl school called St. Claudine’s. Elsa has just acquired the position of Student Council President, and instructor Miss Talmage (who is very obviously The Villain) informs Elsa that it is her job to solve mysteries within the school in order to keep scandals from ruining the good reputation of St. Claudine’s.

Elsa, however, does not have to do the dirty work--that’s the duty of her “Minions”, the other student council members. (Yes, they’re referred to as minions!) Which, to me, was the first signal that this was going to be a delightfully creepy game. Not to mention these tasks consist of interrogating other students, searching their rooms, stalking them, and even expelling them if they are truly a threat.

But that’s not all--according to Miss Talmage, one of Elsa’s minions is a traitor! This traitor will do anything to sabotage St Claudine’s, and Elsa will be the scapegoat if they succeed. Of course, Miss Talmage won’t just tell us who it is--that’s our job to find out. 

Who is the traitor, you ask? Here’s where it gets interesting: Upon your first playthrough of the game, the traitor will be randomized. After you beat the game once, you can choose who the traitor is in you following playthroughs. I’ll explain the significance of that as well as how to snuff out your first traitor later in the post, but for now, lets go over exactly who our “minions” are.

There are five total:

1. Althea, a flirty laidback senior who is also a childhood friend of Elsa’s and has a habit of seducing freshman girls one after another.

2. Thais, Althea’s bold and sassy younger sister with a captivating sense of style and a love of artistic expression.

3. Vonne, Elsa’s dutiful and loyal Vice President who refers to her by the nickname “Captain” for reasons unknown (at least in the beginning of the game).

4. Mallory, a bubbly freshman girl who is new to boarding school life. She quickly becomes popular for her friendly personality and is elected to the student council as a ‘Hospitality Officer”.

5. Rowan, a mysterious, quiet, detached girl that takes care not to draw too much attention to herself.

Take note: Thais and Mallory do not have full romance routes. They are freshman, and Elsa is a senior. You can kiss Thais and become cuddle buddies with Mallory, but that’s as close to romance as you’ll get with them.

Of course, you don’t HAVE to romance anyone. You can just start their friendship routes as well, even for the characters that do have romance routes (Althea, Vonne, and Rowan), but you won’t get all the CGs and special scenes without the romance routes.

Now I’ll go over the significance of the traitor, how to snuff them out, and how to start each girl’s route.

Three things play into the selection of a girl’s route: The identity of the traitor, loyalty scores, and who you chose to be your fellow Queen during the Harvest Festival.

I don’t want to spoil too much of the gameplay, its also a bit difficult to explain through text. More or less, the girls each have four stats at varying levels (intimidation, observation, stealth, and social), which will all be useful for different activities in investigating potential scandals.

I’m not going to lie, even on normal difficulty, Black Closet is hard. There is a debug command to change the values of the girls’ stats--which, honestly, I have always used. But I will continue on under the assumption that you want to play the game organically--the debug codes can be found on the Black Closet steam forum boards. (Yes, Black Closet is on Steam!)

Tips to find the traitor:

1. While solving the cases, you also have the option to send a girl to the supply closet--the traitor is the most likely to bring back lemons, the one item that won’t boost your stats.

2. The game will you probability ratings of successfully completing a task--if this score is 100%, and the girl still fails, she is likely the traitor.

3. About a week before the Harvest Festival, there is a dialogue option at a meeting to say that there is a traitor. Elsa will notice that two girls look guilty. One of these is the traitor.

On weekend days, you have the opportunity to visit two girls in order to increase their loyalty, through a variety of scenes. The girls will also occasionally stop by to give you feedback about the council or to ask questions, giving you a better feel for their personalities. The answers you choose will shape Elsa’s own personality--she can range from being a caring President to a black hearted leader.

If you happen to max out the traitor’s loyalty (45 points, I think), she will confess her involvement to you about a week before the Harvest Festival, each girl has a different motive. At that point you have a choice: expose her and get her expelled, or protect her and choose her as your Harvest Festival Queen.

“But what if I want to pick a different girl as my Queen, and also keep all my minions?” You can’t. (Edit: With the exception of Mallory) If you protect the traitor and choose a different girl as your Queen, she’ll still sabotage the Harvest Festival, and the game will end.

This is why the “Choose your Traitor” feature is handy--because if you don’t want to pursue your traitor’s route, you’ll have to expel her, which will leave you down one minion and make the game significantly more difficult, and will not benefit you save for...a certain route, which I will go over in a future post.

There is much, much more of the plot beyond this, and many more layers. But I’ll stop here for the sake of spoiling further, and because this is where the game breaks off into each girl’s route. I will be making separate posts reviewing each girl’s route, which will contain some spoilers.

If you’ve read this far, thank you! I’ll be posting soon to talk about Althea’s route.

[theherondaels]

Oh No (A Soy Luna Next Gen Fanfic)

This is the long deserved update! And not just any, nope, let's hear Andrés POV.

Also today is Stella's bday (well, in 7 years, imao) so yay!

Have fun reading!!!

10. Bodyguard

Stella hadn’t been the only one who had gotten up earlier. In another part of the city, Andrés slowly opened the door of his room, careful to not make sudden movements. He had already made it halfway down the stairs when he noticed that the light was switched on in the living room, illuminating the lower half of the staircase.

Andrés stopped dead in his tracks. His mother and sister shouldn’t be up for another hour, so it could only be his father that was awake. Andrés’ lips pressed into a hard line. Management, or the devil, as the teenage boy liked to call it, had probably already demanded damage control.

He didn’t bother to be quiet anymore, soon standing in the living room. At first his father said nothing, too preoccupied with drinking his coffee. “Good morning,” Pedro then said with a smile, putting down the blue mug. Andrés’ brow ceased. “Morning,” he replied way less enthusiastically. He just stood there, waiting for his father to address what happened with Stella yesterday, but he didn’t.

Pedro’s eyes wandered from his already school dressed son to the clock. “Why are you up so early?” Trying to avoid WWIII.

Andrés could ask him the same question, but he didn’t, as the reason didn’t really interest him. “I’ll have to meet up with a few classmates for a project. They don’t want to stay after school, so we have to discuss it before classes begin,” he lied swiftly, having constructed his words last night. His father nodded, totally believing the lie, gaze on the clock again.

“But you still have time for breakfast, right?” His look was a tad too concerned.

“Not really,” Andrés was already slinging his black backpack over his left shoulder. “I have to take two buses earlier if I want to be there on time,” he continued.

“But I prepared a little breakfast that’s right in here.” He turned a bit to the left so his father could see the backpack. “So, no need to worry, Mom,” Andrés teased with a small grin.

“Be glad I’m sitting here and not your mother.” His father had a point there. Mom was definitely not as easy to lie to and she would have forced him to have breakfast, no ifs or buts would have been accepted. How reassuring, indeed.

“On another day I would have offered to you to drive you there, but management called. They’ve booked us more hours in the studio, they want the new album to be finished by May,” Pedro explained why he was already sipping his second coffee.

Andrés rolled his eyes at that. Rollerband’s management really had surreal deadlines sometimes. “Splendid,” was his comment.

“So, what’s this project about?” Pedro asked, while pouring more milk into his coffee. “It’s for history,” Andrés answered, as his first two lessons really were history today, but he more tense now. He didn’t like this where this conversation was going. At all.

“History, huh?” his father questioned rather amused. “Is the topic Ancient Rome?”

The tone Pedro had used let the alarm bells in Andrés’ head ring. That had been clearly too amused, too knowing.

“And are you sure the class is not chemistry?” Pedro added mercilessly. It was in this moment that Andrés realized that his father knew exactly what had happened yesterday.

He sighed out of annoyance. This was just unnecessary. “So, you know,” the teenager stated plainly. "Well, yes," Pedro laughed, "it's hard not to. Your behaviour was too strange last night and Gastón bombarded the group chat soon after. Besides, you seemed happier the last few weeks, figured it had to do with your new skating partner. Seems like was right."

The grin Andrés received was unnerving.

He crossed his arms. “And what does the devil want?” That call surely hadn’t been just about more studio hours. “Don’t use that name for them. They’re the reason you’re living in this house,” Pedro chided.

“It’s because you and your bandmates can sing,” Andrés pointed out the obvious. Pedro ignored his son’s sarcastic words.

"And they might thank you, actually," the drummer added. “Why would they do that?" Andrés asked, voice full of suspicion. "Turns out Rollerband is trending everywhere - along with that ship name of yours.”

“Stella and I got chased through half Buenos Aires and all they care about is popularity?” Andrés asked, the anger he felt echoing in his words.

“I’m not saying what the paparazzi did was okay, but publicity like this is still good publicity. And don’t you think good news from you will make them more amicable towards you?” Pedro had chosen his words carefully, but to no avail.

Andrés now wished his mom was already up, while it sometimes could be a little embarrassing how protective she was of him and Marina, he knew she would always be on his side, no matter what. His dad was too much of a people pleaser to truly pick one side, which for Andrés felt like as if he wasn’t on his side at all. And that hurt. A lot.

“Glad I could help," Andrés' tone reeked of sarcasm, disliking that his personal life was benefitting his father’s band in any way. He was sure the devil was ecstatic, finally some good news from him. The teenager sometimes felt as if they disapproved of everything he did just on principle. It was almost like they needed to have a black sheep among the Rollerband kids. Andrés had no problem being the scapegoat, he didn’t care what everyone, and especially them, thought about him.

A bitter taste started to spread in his mouth. He wished it was from his own coffee.

“If they even try to suggest anything regarding seeing Stella I will stand in their office before they can even end the call.” Andrés warned, meaning every word of it.

A knowing grin hushed over Pedro’s features. “You really must like her.”

Like? Andrés almost scoffed. He had always thought Stella was pretty, his confusing feelings towards her only getting stronger over the years, so he had started to skip the birthday celebrations both attended by their families, no excuse too outlandish for him.

Still, he had been absolutely thrilled when Tamara had told him his skating partner was going to be Stella. His best friend Fabián had asked him if he could drop that smiley face the next day during school, saying it was honestly a bit creepy.

Andrés hadn’t been bothered, to engulfed with the idea that the universe was giving him more or less a second chance with Stella. He had to make up for the lost time and talk to her. And talk to her Andrés did. He was like the moth drawn to her fire. He couldn't really explain it - nor did he want to, he hated it when people knew too much about him.

The silence of his son only let the grin on Pedro’s face only grow bigger.

“I really should get going now.”

“One more thing,” added Pedro hastily. Andrés stopped walking and leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms, expecting the worst. If this was his father’s attempt to give him the talk, he was already failing miserably.

"Will you attend Stella’s quinceañera? Because, well, your mother and I expected you to be busy that day," he explained, a shark-like grin making its way to his face, "But in turn of recent events..."

“I don’t think her dad would like that,” Andrés dodged the question. Unless he was absolutely sure what he and Stella were exactly he would refrain from making such statements.

"Speaking of Matteo…” His father bursted into laughter, “do you want a bodyguard?"

Instead of an answer Pedro got an annoyed sigh. “Bye, Dad!” Andrés began walking down the stairs. "You can bring her over for dinner anytime," his father yelled after him. And while Andrés had rolled his eyes at the statement, he was secretly glad that he had his father’s approval.

It didn’t take him long to reach the bus station. When the bus arrived, he managed to get a seat in the back. This bus was less full than the one he normally took, still could feel the stares on him.

With his phone already in hand, Andrés went on twitter, trying to distract himself.

At first there only pictures and various “Oh my god, I knew it!” reactions. Andrés couldn’t help but grin at the photos. Though, he was almost a bit disappointed that the hickey was covered by Stella’s hair.

While he told himself that the hickey had been a pure product of heat of the moment, he knew deep down that the unbelievable audacity of Lola bringing up Stella’s childhood crush on Luis had contributed as well.

Andrés scrolled further down, seeing a tweet he wished he could bleach from his brain.  

I bet it’s a stunt. Their fathers are probably working on a song right now.

He exited the app immediately after. The teenager suddenly had the strong urge to text his father, asking if such a project was on the horizon. With Rollerband’s management it even could be planned at this very moment.

"I hate this band," he muttered lowly, no trace of sarcasm in his voice.

Andrés had always despised it that his private life was so out in the open, but now he had to read someone invalidating his feelings, saying it was only for publicity, and that was way worse. Andrés blocked the account, not caring if management would throw a fit later.

He focused on the pictures again, the uneasy feeling soon gone.

The teenager almost missed his stop, too busy writing Stella a text. He walked towards the school and stopped near the entrance, checking for a reply from Stella.

Soon he was joined by other pupils, the stares resurfacing. Thankfully, the bus containing his friends, well, he would only consider Fabián a friend, the rest were better descried as acquaintances, arrived.

The group of 4 people made its way towards him. “So, what happened with Stella?” Alicia was the first to speak. “Not even a hello?” Andrés started, “also, what makes you think I’ll tell you anything?”

“See? I told you!” Fabián grinned. In fact, he hadn’t told them much. Alicia had already questioned him on their ride to school, but Navarro had remained silent.  The blonde waved him off with her hand. “Whatever. Twitter basically exploded. I want details.”

Andrés suppressed a groan. He had escaped his sister for this?

“God, you sound like my mom,” Eloísa complained. “She’s in gossip mode,” Rafael explained his sister’s behaviour. “As much as I hate to disappoint, you won’t get any details.” Andrés ruined Alicia’s hopes of getting insider information.

"I mean, I don't even want to know.” Rafael scrunched his nose up. Eloísa held her hand up. "Same," the redhead agreed. Both were now receiving a glare from Alicia.

"But is it true that the paparazzi chased you two?" Alicia still asked. “They did and let's just say that they didn't catch everything," was all Andrés said, a slight grin appearing on lips.

"No wonder you're so pleased," Fabián realized, knowing how much joy it brought his friend to mess with the paparazzi.

“Wait, what did they-“ Andrés ignored the rest of Alicia’s sentence, his phone vibrating in his left pocket. He fished it out, seeing Stella's reply. "Oh my god, someone take a photo. You can see the dimples," Rafael exclaimed rather loudly, earning a pointed look from the black-haired boy. "I'm sorry, Andrés, but you're so gone," Alicia laughed.

“You'd make a great couple, though," Rafael then chuckled. Andrés sighed annoyed. Álvarez really had no tact whatsoever. Of course, once he had finally truly forgotten about it, Rafael had to bring it up again.

He had lost more sleep over this than he'd like to admit. However, he was relieved that the younger boy thought that. Less competition.

"If I'm still alive after today," Andrés commented, thinking of his father’s words.  "Hey, if I survived Eloísa's dad, you can do this," Fabián tried to encourage his friend, but quickly looked over to his girlfriend, "no offence." Eloísa just shrugged, lips twitching into something that could be considered a smirk, "It's fine. He said he did go easy on you, though." All colour drained from Fabián's face, "Easy? I wanted to die the entire time!" he exclaimed truthfully.

"But unlike me, Andrés can throw some witty comebacks," Fabián then said, trying to encourage Andrés. "Honestly, I think that would only speed up the process," Alicia mused.

"I'm still here, you know," Andrés stated annoyed. “Actually, nevermind, class starts soon. See you all later.” Various goodbyes were said in his direction, Andrés disappearing in in the school building.

[themurphyzone]

Meta: The Evolution of Heinz and Norm’s Relationship

Any relationship with Heinz is bound to be an interesting one. This post will focus on Norm specifically. AU episodes will not be taken into account. 

Norm first debuted in Greece Lightning. While he wasn’t much more than another invention in this episode, later episodes developed him from minion to son. 

“What did [Perry] do to you? Did the bad little platypus switch you off?” 

Funnily enough, Heinz does express concern for Norm at the end of this episode when Perry switches him off. It’s notable that Norm isn’t destroyed here, and Heinz doesn’t usually express this level of horror towards his other inventions failing. 

Heinz likely did see him as more than another invention early on, but constantly denied it to anyone who implied it. 

Hail Doofania is the first episode where Norm takes on the role as Heinz’s assistant in evil schemes. He’s developed enough sentience to start talking in sentences that aren’t stock sitcom phrases. 

Like most assistants to villains, Norm is unappreciated and berated constantly. 

Sure, Heinz wanted to play hide and seek so he didn’t have to see Norm, but it sure means a lot to this big guy even if he can’t play well. 

“Well, next time you can do all the cooking and I’ll stand around coming up with evil plans that ultimately fail.” 

Norm’s infamous roast. Had to include it. 

“Would it kill you to say please once in a while?” 

The above two lines show that while Norm does love his dad, he isn’t afraid to draw attention to his flaws either. Heinz doesn’t express gratitude for Norm cooking all that potato salad, nor does he say please when being transported to LOVEMUFFIN’s event. 

Since Norm acts and thinks like a human, it would only be right to give him the same level of respect as a human rather than operating under a master/robo-assistant dynamic. 

Undercover Carl shows that Heinz does occasionally humor Norm from time to time with him building the popsicle stick bride. 

Sometimes a parent takes us to a zoo, or they teach us how to cook. We hang onto those memories as proof that they love us, though sometimes they make us feel terrible too without realizing it. 

Heinz has his ups and downs as well. Sometimes he’s appreciative, other times he’ll complain without letting up or not display any tactfulness. When the latter happens, people and platypi get hurt emotionally.  

“I know I didn’t make you that smart, but you can’t even walk straight?” 

Personally I think Heinz has the right to be angry that scalding coffee was dumped on him, but he definitely could’ve scolded Norm more gently. 

Heinz decides to replace Norm without asking how he felt about it. Here Norm is just another appliance that can be replaced when broken. 

Heinz’s main flaw as a parent stems from thoughtlessness. To Vanessa, it manifests as not considering what she’d want and is basing his actions off what he wanted to have as a child. To Norm, he gives many harsh putdowns and treats him as another expendable invention without taking into account that Norm has a very advanced AI and is human in all but physical components only. 

That being said, Heinz is appreciative when Norm saves him. However, it takes a near-death experience to make Heinz say it, and he probably wouldn’t do this in everyday life. I’m sure Heinz will be back to denying he’s Norm’s dad tomorrow. 

And here’s where we get to the main entree. Buckle up folks, I’ve got a lot to say about the episode “A Real Boy.” 

This episode really highlights the favoritism Heinz is unconsciously repeating with Vanessa and Norm. When Heinz thinks he made Vanessa feel terrible, he instantly tries thinking of ways to cheer her up. However, Norm doesn’t know the doting and overprotective father that Vanessa knows. 

“Sir, you can have a game of catch with me. I’ve always thought of you as my fa-”

“Norm, you’re in my light!” 

“-ther.” 

Heinz expresses that he wouldn’t mind having a son, but shows a complete lack of self-awareness towards how Norm is as much a member of the family as Perry the Platypus and Vanessa are. 

With the exception of Phineas and Ferb Busters, in past episodes Norm can usually shrug off Heinz’s hurtful comments with a passive-aggressive remark of his own. 

But now we see that Norm is very much affected by Heinz’s refusal to accept him as a son. 

“And I’m the father! And I have to treat her with the respect she deserves in a caring, fatherly fashion.”

...

“I’ll blast her with one of my inators!”

Of course, blasting your daughter with an inator isn’t exactly respectful, but compare this line to the above with Norm and there’s a huge contrast between how he proudly admits that he’s one child’s father while the other gets the shaft. 

Heinz does not have any positive parental influences to draw from. Since the dynamic in his childhood was golden child/scapegoat, that’s what Heinz learned.

This is going to be hard to admit and I know you guys don’t want to think of Heinz in this way, but Heinz is repeating the emotional abuse he received in childhood on Norm. As stated above, Heinz goes through cycles in which he puts Norm down one moment and plays hide-and-seek and makes popsicle stick brides the next. 

It’s ironic that Heinz is unaware that his treatment of Norm is the most evil he will ever be. 

I’m putting the entire song of A Real Boy here because I want you to pay close attention to the lyrics. 

Norm puts himself down at the beginning of the song, likely with phases that Heinz has used on him. 

Now he asks himself, “If I were a living, breathing human boy, would my father accept me and take me out to do activities that a normal father/son would do?” 

At the end, he tells the backup singers not to worry about him. He’ll be fine. Who cares about what I want, amirite? 

Heinz was in the same boat in his childhood. Constantly putting himself down, asking what he could change about himself to make a parent show their love, and telling himself that the way he’s living is fine and he’d better not sound ungrateful or else. 

I’m hesitating on calling this a lie when Norm claims that he’s Heinz’s son while the latter is affected by his Forget-About-It inator. This is one of those moments where you can understand why someone acts the way they do even if it’s not right. 

Honestly, it feels like I’m going in circles with this whole “here’s a moment where Heinz appreciates Norm and doesn’t put him down and here’s another one where he mistreats Norm!” 

Give credit to Vanessa. She looks out for her siblings regardless of species. 

“It occurs to me that though I’ve never had a son, there is someone who I can always count on to be there. Someone I've begun to think of as family. And that someone is Perry the Platypus. See you around, junkpile.” 

Don’t worry Norm, he’ll treat you better next season. He’s still in denial unfortunately. 

“Try not to be a complete disappointment.”

Oh really? How about you try not to be a complete disappointment cause your brother is way more accomplished than you could ever hope to be, Heinz. 

History is repeating itself. 

It’s interesting how Norm shows similarities to Heinz here. They’re both out to prove themselves to someone, they monologue, and they’d love nothing more than to be accepted by their parent. 

However, Norm shows that he’s willing to break from the mold by developing a weapon to force submission rather than use the normal routine. He’s not afraid to assert his individuality because he wants to win his father’s love through the most effective means possible. 

“If I’m gonna be a conqueror and win my father’s love, I’ll take it to the people with the eagle, not the dove!” 

Norm’s entire motivation for taking over the Tri-State Area is simply to make Heinz proud. How many plans has Heinz scribbled up over the years to make his parents proud only to have them backfire spectacularly? 

Norm fails to realize that Heinz is against complete annihilation because there wouldn’t be anyone left to subjugate. 

As expected, Heinz isn’t happy with Norm’s attempt to take over the Tri-State Area. 

Maybe next time, big guy.

“Space is cold and unforgiving, like my father!” 

Perry, Vanessa, and Norm know when to show sympathy and when not to take Heinz’s crap. That’s what I love about them. 

Norm often delivers scathing remarks that Heinz deserves, whereas Heinz doesn’t badmouth his parents even though it’s completely justified. 

Love at First Byte gives us a huge development in their relationship. Heinz doesn’t automatically disregard Norm’s feelings about not having a date for the block party, and spends the entire episode giving him advice. 

Forgive me for inserting my personal headcanon here, but I believe that in order for Heinz to take this huge step forward, he would need to do some soul-searching about the way he treated Norm in the past. It probably took a few smacks from Perry to drive the point home as well. 

Heinz wingmaning for Norm is great. This episode has a lot of great father/son bonding in general. 

Off topic, but I still want to know what Heinz has against Sagittariuses since that’s my star sign. 

He’s so proud of Norm. 

Fact of life, Heinz. Your children are always going to somehow find themselves in a Romeo and Juliet situation. Without all the dying. 

Another similarity: dates tend to end poorly. 

You’re not father and son until you’re trying to get rid of pests together and fail miserably. 

They’ve both come a long way since Norm was invented in the early summer. 

He’s so proud of his son. 

Conclusion: Heinz and Norm’s relationship is very complex. Even though they had a rocky start and both still have much to learn in the future, Heinz has finally come to accept Norm as a son. 

Themurphyzone is out! Peace!