#that one post thats like 'pay attention to what youre craving to see what youre lacking' food-wise was a gamrr changer

[mothnoir]

That late night craving for a food you can't place but you can very much place it this time

[charmercharm3r]

Make Love, Not Porn

Play Time!

HHJ

Masterlist, Series Masterlist

18+ content — minors, do not interact.

wc: 3.8k

Synopsis: You crave a life of normalcy, he craves you. And he'd do anything to keep you, even if you're for the world to see.

warnings: barista!hyunjin x cam girl!reader, smut, explicit sexual content, masturbation (m, f), he's a little obsessed, easing into the smuttier smut if that's even a thing.

Live : Play Time!

Next Scheduled Broadcast : Heat Signature

☆ﾟ

Rule number one; everybody is temporary.

There is no love in this industry, no trust, no friends, only coworkers that all want the same thing. Sometimes you work with them more than once, other times– most times, it’s a one-and-done deal.

They never want to stay anyways, you learned that lesson the hard way. It’s why you set up such a tough wall to break through, there’s no point in befriending anyone on your side of the pond.

It’s scary, really, how quickly you can be moaning someone’s name, kissing them like you need them to breathe, touching and feeling them as intimately as someone who truly was in love. Then as soon as the livestream ends, you can’t remember what their lips feel like and everything smells like latex and sweat. You offer them some water, snacks, a shower. They usually decline. Minutes later, your front door is shutting and you’re alone once again.

No one ever intends on getting into porn, you don’t even remember the details on how you ended up here. Your follower count had risen overnight and before you knew it, that one video had gotten you more money in a week than a month’s worth of minimum wage ever did. The humiliation was nonexistent considering you hadn’t even posted yourself naked that first time, if anything you were excited to post again. Who knew a video of you just sitting in a chair, playing with yourself under your skirt with your knees pressed closed would take off so rapidly. That thirty second video changed your life.

– fuck, who is this?? are they new??

– thats so hot. face reveal?

– show us your tits

– god i wanna fuck u so bad

– suck my dick pls

Those comments didn’t bother you, it was a little flattering if you were being honest with yourself. People wanted you, they don’t even know your real name, have never seen your face or what you look like in the sunlight. They don’t know you and yet, you’re everything to them, so much so that they pay you for your time, and body. They fill your wallet just for you to read their comment out loud, attention whores for you. And you love it. For some reason, their praise is much more fulfilling than anyone you've guested on your livestreams.

Recently, though, you’ve stopped bringing people on, not much to your viewer’s disapproval. There was more interaction and less vulgarity, like they wanted you to actually speak to them rather than just stuff your pussy with whatever new dildo you’d been gifted in your PO box.

You hadn’t planned on having such a personal stream today, you honestly just wanted the relief and thought your viewers would have a good time. But for some reason, the comments were less about getting you to take your clothes off and more about why your voice was shaking.

“It’s okay, I’m okay. Really!” Even you could hear the subtle octave change. “If you wanted me to cry, you could’ve just said please. You know I’ll do anything for you.” 

Perhaps the forced sultriness of your voice worked its charm, the comments quickly switched back to their normal obscenities once you started to unbutton your top. Truthfully, you preferred when they asked you to get naked, it was a lot easier to do than to admit what it was you were really lacking. Honest companionship is the rarest thing.

Rule number two: no identifying features.

Even if you weren’t ashamed, your job is still taboo. No one and everyone knew what it was you did. Your best friend helped you pick lingerie and background mood lighting, your parents thought you were an office worker. Strangers have seen your most private parts, you only allow your grandma to give you a kiss on the cheek during Christmas. Safe to say your occupation was strictly need-to-know.

You’re glad you started live streaming before deciding to get any tattoos, running the risk of someone stopping you in the middle of the street was the most terrifying thing you could imagine happening. Naturally, you avoided getting anything at all once your streams started to really take off.

There was nothing you wore to accessorize unless a patron paid for it in advance, that was always done a week before streams and the contact with the patron was never more than a simple google form and an email from your business account to confirm. Other than that, you were a blank canvas, just a body with a voice that left more to the imagination than you would think. If your viewers were happy, you were happy.

“What do you think of my new nail color? A special someone picked it out for me,” you held out your hands to display the pretty shine, twiddling your fingers. The comments went crazy, “no, no, not anyone like that, c’mon! You know you’re my number one. But I think you should all give lovely user callingherdaddy a thank you for picking it out. Thank you, sir.”

You took the polish off the next morning.

Rule number three: be consistent.

Nothing kills a steady income more than ghosting the ones that put the money in your pocket. You stuck to a strict schedule of three streams every week and frequent posts on your socials. The stuff you posted on your social media wasn’t even related to your work on camming, but it doesn’t hurt when they leave a couple nice comments. 

With a schedule and job like yours, you need a little bit of normalcy. Self employed, you don’t have a real routine when you aren’t streaming. It was starting to make you feel lazy, a bit lethargic, and overall unmotivated.

It wasn’t until recently did you decide to start doing normal people things, like waking up at 7 a.m., doing a mini work out, grocery shopping in the morning, even getting yourself a coffee from the shop near your house as a treat. Doing this was nice, you felt good, your head was clearer. Hell, you even got excited when it came time to do your cams because you felt so full of energy.

You had only been to the coffee shop once or twice before, but to get yourself to keep the routine, you told yourself you’d go every day for the next two weeks. Afterall, it only takes 21 days to form a habit.

It was packed, as usual for a morning weekday. There were only about six baristas working, all scurrying about the bar to get through the morning rush. You liked watching them, mindlessly completing drinks in such a way that made you a little jealous. Most of them seemed your age, obviously you knew that they couldn’t have all had perfect lives, but at least this part of their day was something they could openly complain about.

Were you really jealous? Of normal people? You had to be insane.

Shaking your head, you walked further into the shop and waited in line. You thought nothing of it, placing your order, “iced chai with three blonde shots, please,” and handed the barista the card, “thank you.”

You barely looked up at him, only when he held onto your card a little longer as you tried to take it back did you make eye contact. A little awkward, the barista was staring at you with wide eyes. He was handsome, too handsome to be working behind the counter. Long black hair framed his face nicely, pretty plump lips, and an endearing little mole under his eye that made his siren stare only slightly less intimidating. Yeah, handsome.

He didn’t look away even after he let you take your card back.

“S– sorry. You look like–”

“It’s okay. Thanks again.” You hurried away as fast as you could. He couldn’t have known who you were, right? Not a chance, you have never shown your face. You were wearing too many clothes for any particular body part to be recognizable. It’s just a coincidence.

Either way, the minor interaction with the barista scared you into hiding again, forgetting going out for anything else you had planned and deciding to hole away at home.

You had a livestream to do later anyways, focus on that. There were a few hours left for you to kill before turning on the camera, now would be as good a time as any to set up.

It wasn’t much that you did, mostly just thinking of what it was you thought viewers would like to see for the day. An hour before the scheduled stream, you set up a waiting room on the website that hinted at what the day’s theme would be. Today you thought you’d go a little easy on the eyes; “live soon, hardcandysweetheart: play time! <3”

A typical stream would start off soft, greeting viewers like any other meeting. You’d ask how their day was, if there was anything in particular they wanted to do or talk about, some answered genuinely while others urged you to strip. You liked the ones that asked you how your day was, too, and enjoyed sharing your thoughts with them. Though, it was no secret what everyone was here for, even if sometimes– just sometimes, you liked what came before taking off your clothes more than anything.

“I have a few things in mind for play time today, I’d like to hear what you guys think. Would you prefer this,” in your hand, you held up your favorite vibrator, big and baby pink. “Or this?” in the other, a new grinder that resembled the shape of a tentacle with the sucker-side up.

Comment section didn’t slow down as soon as you showed the second toy. “I thought you might like this one. I got it just for you! I’m excited to try it out with you.”

– im so fucking hard

– i wanna see ur pussy

– thats so nice, ur sweet

“Slow down! Haha, we’re gonna take our time,” you laughed away the weird feeling in your chest as you read the fleeing comments. “You’re so impatient today, lovely. Did you have a hard day? I know I did,” you slowly peeled down the blouse you wore, letting it hang off your shoulders to expose your bare shoulders. It seemed redundant to wear a bra, but you kept the shirt covering your breasts for dramatic effect, hard nipples peaking through.

“I just wanna take it a little more… gentler, if that’s alright.” The camera was angled to cut off at your neck to avoid showing your face, but you bit your lip anyways as you held up the grinder. “It’s a little out of my comfort zone, honestly. I’ve never told you about this fantasy before.” You ran your finger down the rubber center, feeling the many little suction cups bend.

You giggled as you came to the swirled tip of the tentacle, playing with the way it curled and how pliable it was. “When I ordered this, they let me choose the color. I think pink suits me, don’t you? But I also thought, maybe blue? Or black… but then it would be too hard for you to see, right?”

As you spoke, you laid the grinder between your legs but not quite touching it. With two fingers, you stroked it the same way you would your own pussy. Your other free hand was doing just that right behind the toy and beneath the length of your shirt, feeling your wetness building up with your hand down your panties. “Oh my, just talking to you– my underwear is soaked!” The giggle that left your lips was genuine, you didn’t expect to work yourself up so quickly.

You stole your fingers from your cunt and showed it to the camera, spreading them to let your viewers see the slick coating shine in the soft lighting. “Heh, told ya I was excited. You make me like this.”

When you started to really get going it was hard to pay attention to the comments, you tended to get a little lost until you finally came. Like now, you brought the toy closer to your core, lightly lifting yourself to sit on it. As soon as you did, you let out a whimper.

Hyunjin had never felt so embarrassed in his life. He doesn’t even know why, he couldn’t have been sure of anything.

Except he was. He was 100% sure, plus another 10% for good measure. He hadn’t even known about the site for long, you were just his favorite. He’d found hardcandysweetheart and never bothered to look anywhere else.

You were just another customer at first, a pretty one that caught his attention. He noticed you in line and had every intention of flirting and possibly asking for you to sign up for the rewards program with them just so he could use that as an excuse to get your number. Then you spoke.

All you fucking did was speak. “Please,” and “thank you,” and Hyunjin fucking crumbled.

Jesus, he must have looked like an idiot. He knows he did, but he was star struck. Fanboying, red in the face with embarrassment, about to fold at the knees, and hard as a fucking rock all at the same time. He had to excuse himself to the restroom as soon as you left just to get his boner to go away.

If it really was you– and he hoped to god it wasn’t– he’ll never forget such a pretty face.

Which is why he turned on notifications for your stream. He knew your schedule by heart but he needed to be sure that it was your voice he heard. As soon as he got home from his shift, clothes came off and he was sat in bed with his laptop nearby, just waiting for the ping notification from you.

God, it was you. As soon as he heard you through his headphones, it confirmed what he already knew.

What a kind voice, supple, soft, he could listen to you for hours– he has listened to you for hours. Sometimes he wished you could do live streams of just you talking, you never even had to take your clothes off. Now that he knew what you looked like, Hyunjin’s heartbeat faster than it ever did when you made conversation.

It was the way you did, as though you were speaking to him and only him. The image he created of you in his head looked like it was thought up by a child in comparison to seeing you in real life. He could put a face to the voice now, he wasn’t even thinking about your body. Just your voice.

“You make me like this,” you said in almost a whisper, tone cracking just a little the more you sat on the toy.

Hyunjin couldn’t help but palm at himself, not entirely stroking but moving at the same pace. This was a team effort, in his mind. You made him crazy, as he did to you. That was his fantasy. You always spoke with so much love in your voice, as though you truly cared for him and it got him harder than any other kind of porn ever could.

Was that really all it took? Was he that pathetic? Someone who didn’t even know who he was, talking to an ocean of people that all saw the same thing he did, and suddenly it’s the only thing that can make him cum.

He can’t even complain now, he’s seen you. That’s enough spank bank to last him a lifetime if you ever suddenly decided to stop camming. Shit– he hopes he didn’t just manifest that into existence.

The white button up top draped in front of your cunt to hide away from view. That’s alright, you said you were taking it slow today. Your hips slowly pushed forward and back, hands gripping tightly at the armrests of your uncomfortable looking desk chair. Hyunjin thought it was kind of cute how you would still cam in the same seat as you did when he found your first video. 

His laptop on his abdomen concealed the view of his cock leaking, but the way you were sat on screen, he could envision it was him you were sitting on instead. That’s exactly what he imagined as you rocked faster into the toy, lifting your shirt and balling it in your fist to show that your wetness had spread to the front of your panties. Hyunjin didn’t even mind that the bold pink tentacle blocking a bit of the view, you were getting so into it that he hardly noticed anymore.

Hyunjin fumbled to find his dick, slowly beginning to squeeze the head as you turned to shorter and quicker ruts towards the front of the toy where the tentacle curled up. You moaned loudly, making him do so as well in return. “Fuck, I ruined this pair, didn’t I?”

Your cute laugh had Hyunjin breaking out into a smirk, “that’s okay,” he whispered to no one but himself.

“I should take it off but,” you rolled your hips again with a whine, “I kinda want you to work for it.”

The tips in the corner of the page were pinging like crazy as soon as you said that. He himself tapped the button rapidly and paid no mind to how his account balance shot down.

“C’mon now, don’t be shy. It’s just one little word that I wanna hear. I’ll say it first, if that makes you feel better.” The speed of your hips picked up a little, in turn Hyunjin let his fist slowly work up and down, no faster than you, of course.

“Please. Please, is the word I’m looking for, lovely. Say it, just once.”

Fuck, he couldn’t help speeding up just a little. He loved the way you said it, even more the way you commanded him to say it as well. “Please,” the whimper came out breathy and uneven as the precum lubricated his cock more.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Hyunjin shook his head, no. 

“No, it wasn’t. Look what happens when you ask nicely,” you stood from your seat just to pull off the flimsy fabric, sitting fully back down on the toy and holding up the soaked pair with another chuckle. “You get nice things.”

Hyunjin could hear how wet you really were now, every lewd sound that came from you rubbing yourself back and forth on the grinder. You still didn’t let him– them– see you fully. He wasn’t even sure if you’d expose yourself at all this stream. Still, his fist picked up speed as you did, taking in every grunt you let out when you’d hit a particularly good spot. Hyunjin kept his eyes on you the whole time, memorizing the way you moved, what angle made you tick.

“C’mon lovely, I know you can do better than that.”

You were referring to the tip counter, but Hyunjin took it as he can do better than that. His other hand reached around the laptop, down to cup his balls as he worked his cock faster, occasionally running his fingers over the head for a break in stimulation. Somehow he managed to stop touching himself for a split second to rapid fire extra tips when they slowed down.

“Oh, someone wants a little extra attention today. What do I call you, lovely?” Hyunjin wasn’t sure if you were speaking to him, though he hoped and typed a nickname anyways. “Baby? That’s cute. Thank you, baby, you’re so sweet.”

His hand instantly returned to his dick, not caring about the speed anymore, instead wanting to cum to the sound of your voice. He quickly tapped the tip button a few more times and you giggled, “baby, you’re spoiling me. Here, since you’re being so nice,” you lifted the hem of your shirt to put your bare cunt on display, seemingly tucking the end of it into your mouth.

Hyunjin could see it so clearly, your pretty lips drooling onto the fabric, biting it to contain the moans that wanted to slip past. Fuck, he was going insane, wet, slick noises from his animalistic fisting on his cock almost surpassing the volume of your voice in his headphones. 

He just watched now, listened intently to how good you were making yourself feel and it made his body light a fire. You were clearly getting closer as well, forgetting the dirty talk and humping away at the toy with little to no regard for who was watching. Hyunjin loved this side of you the most, when you couldn’t think of anything other than the impending pleasure. He could imagine your eyes rolling back, the furrow in your brow and beads of sweat dripping down your temples as you came nearer to falling over the edge. Your hands moved to grip the edge of the seat, aiding in pushing your body forward and back harder against the grinder and Hyunjin was jerking himself with a hotter fervor. Your muffled cries echoed in his head– he was making you feel like this, he was the one you were using to please yourself, he was the one you thought of as you came all over his cock.

Hyunjin suddenly held his breath and let his release take over his body, squeezing and pumping the tip of his cock as he spurt his seed all over his stomach and back of his computer. By the time he’d come to, opened his eyes, and regained his breath, you were slumped back in your chair and panting heavily. He missed your grand finale, but that was okay with him, you came at the same time. Even in post nut clarity, he wanted to hear your voice. More than that, he wanted to hold you, run his fingers through your hair, kiss you until you were breathless all over again.

Hyunjin’s shaky hand found the tip button again and tapped.

“Thank you, baby.” He smiled.

You groaned and found the strength to steal the toy from your aching cunt, holding it up for the camera to see it glistening with your essence. Laughing, “this was fun, wasn’t it? I enjoyed myself, I might have to buy more of these.” You tossed it onto the desk and suddenly seemed shy, tugging your shirt as far down as you could without exposing more skin. “Until next time, lovely. I’ll miss you.” You waved your dainty fingers at the camera, doing your signature sign off, and the screen went black.

Hyunjin’s head fell back into his pillows, staring at the ceiling trying to understand all the emotions he just rushed through. 

He couldn’t compute them even if he tried. All he knew was that he was excited to go to work tomorrow morning, hoping that whatever god heard his plea, begging that you’ll come in.

When he went to shut his laptop, his fingers smeared the warm mess that was slowly dripping. “Fuck— ew,” and he hurried to clean up, alone once again.

☆ﾟ

tags: @sensitiveandhungry @babebatter @changbinluvr @epiphanynaffit @fawnpeaks @linovely @dumplinbokkieracha @finnydraws @naturules @djeniryuu @hamburgers101 @skzhomiehopper @yesv01 @hyunjinsamdl @dazzlingligth @alexis-reads-fics @linaliskz @0002linoskitten @chillichillicrabcrab23 @zerefdragn33l @straycrescent @binnies-donuts @soldierstangirl-blog @bakedlilgoonie @levanterlily @shelbyyy44 @yeetmehome @in2heartz @astroodledream @the-sweetest-rose @goblinracha @lilbugs-things @viviennenstan @staurdvst @alex--awesome--22 @imzenning @jeyelleohe @iadorethemskz @skyvastbunny @mamabymychem @katsukis1wife @woozarts @noellllslut

[beanst0ck]

ok but HAJSGWIEH I've been thinking bout this and is just so cute I need to see a hc of this do u know that tiktok trend, like there is a song playing and you need to kiss your partner in the sound kisses of the song (the audio name is "by the sea" if u want to check out) can I have hcs for kenma, bokuto and tsukki with their s/o randomly dragging them to a place on his room and doing this trend?? it's so soft I just need it pls 😔��

sorry this took so long anon!! ive actually never heard of this trend, but my friend (@shou-kunn) sent me the tiktok and i combusted

THATS JUST SO ADORABLE :’))

kenma’s might be a little longer because,,, favoritism?

parings: kenma x reader, bokuto x reader, tsukishima x reader

cross posted on my wattpad

Kenma Kozume

it had been awhile since kenma started playing his games and everyone knew when he started would not stop for anything

but,, you were currently bored out of your mind and wanted his attention :(

each time you asked him when he’d take a break he’d always respond with the same thing

“im almost done.”

“just a few more minutes.”

normally you wouldn’t really care and let him do his own thing, but his eyes had been glued to his screen for a couple of hours now and you were beginning to grow concerned for his eyesight

like seriously,, this dude is staring at a screen 24/7 how is he not blind yet?? he doesn’t even use glasses?? contacts??

while scrolling through tiktok you begin to think of ways to distract kenma from his games

it was almost impossible to pull his attention away from them, nothing could do it except,, you!

well, specifically your affection

babey boy is secretly touch starved and will never ask you to give him hugs or kisses

but he desperately craves them,, he’s just too shy to initiate them himself :((

so whenever you decide to show him some love, he does not deny you because he loves it when you show him affection

you suddenly remember a tiktok your friend sent you and a literal light bulb goes off

you hop off kenma’s bed and kenma eyes you wearily as you walk over to him

“(y/n) what are you?..“

he watches as you set up your phone so you’re both in the camera’s view

“don’t mind me, keep doing what you were doing before!”

kenma reluctantly agrees and goes back to staring at his screen

but he knew you were up to something, especially with that cute smirk on your face, so he didn’t start a new game

he heard an audio begin to play and didn’t pay much attention to it

that is until he felt your soft lips touch his cheek

now THAT made him look away from his screen and over to you

he kept his head down, hoping his hair would cover the blush on his cheeks so you wouldn’t see

he didn’t even hear the audio, he was just secretly hoping you’d kiss him again because he wanted to feel your lips,, again

suddenly you were peppering his face in kisses again and his face was on fire

he couldn’t even speak proper sentences, all of his words coming out as a gibberish mess

all he could do was shyly pull you onto his lap and bury his face in the crook of your neck

“kenmaa, i needed to give you one final kiss :((“

he looked up so fast hAHAHhah

you had to hold back a little giggle bc you didn’t wanna make him turn even more did

ok yea no nvm we all wanna see kenma with a blushy face so, you couldn’t hold back and let out a small giggle

the pout that formed on his face, aDORABLE

“(y/nn)..”

oops right you’re supposed to kiss him

you gently grab his face and give him a final peck on the lips

after that he put his games down and just snuggled with you :’))

Kōtarō Bokuto

the gym was set to be at a cold temperature, keeping the players nice and cool while they practiced

you on the other hand, were beginning to slightly freeze up because you weren’t moving around

you had decided to be a nice girlfriend and wait for bokuto to finish up his practice he totally didn’t drag you there to show off his powerful spikes

but you stuck around because each time bokuto hit one of akaashi’s sets perfectly he would turn back and look at you

“DID YOU SEE THAT (Y/N)!!”

if you didn’t see he’ll get all pouty and go into one of his emo moods so please look at him :((

unless you’re recording,, then he won’t mind lmao

BUT you gotta make sure you get him perfectly, all angles!!

let’s not forget to record that cake tho-

OK OK BACK TO THE PLOT—

as amazing as it was getting to see bokuto’s amazing spikes, it was beginning to get late

and our poor bby akaashi was beginning to grow tired :((

he told bokuto he was going to go home now, which resulted in a pouty bokuto

and no one wants to see bokuto sad :(( so you suggested something you knew he would not say no to!

“bokuto! let’s do a tiktok!!”

his mood improved immediately lMAOALSM

he ran over to you and was literally bouncing with joy

“really?! which one!!”

you told him he probably didn’t know it and he went ‘🤨?’

because this boy knows about a lot of tiktoks not rlly just the popular ones like the renegade dances and stuff,, idk why i think he’s on straight tiktok?? well not straight STRAIGHT tiktok but like he knows a lot of dances

so you explain to him the rules,, which is really quite simple

“stand over here in front of the camera,, and stay still”

ok so like now he’s really confused

when you push play and the audio starts playing you can tell by the look on his face that he’s never heard this audio before

before he could ask you what’s the tiktok about you give him a lil smooch

and then you give him another one

and then another one

HE LOOKS SO HAPPY!! 🥺

he puts his hands on your hips and brings you closer as you continue to give him more kisses

once the tiktok is over he’s all happy and blushy

“is that what the tiktok is about?”

“yup :)”

“lets do it again!!”

now it’s his turn to give you kisses >:)

be prepared because this boy is about to shower you with a whole lot of kisses everywhere

and i mean e v e r y w h e r e

Kei Tsukishima

after school ended you and tsukishima began to walk home, but before you parted ways he invited you over to his house

while asking though he would not look at you like at all

“tsukki, are you blushing??”

“shut up, im not”

he totally was lmao

once you arrived he tried at all costs to avoid his brother, but akiteru was just unavoidable

apparently akiteru didn’t know you were his girlfriend because the look on his face when he saw you

“you brought home a girl?! are you his girlfriend?!”

he was so happy to see someone else other than yamaguchi tolerate tsukishima’s shit

but tsukishima dragged you away from his brother so quick,, you didn’t even get the chance to introduce yourself

you guys entered his room silently and he set down his things on his desk, telling you to make yourself comfortable

similar to kenma, once tsukishima is focused on something it’s difficult to take his attention away from it

and right now, tsukishima was focused on doing his homework

we love a studious boi uwu

ok but anyways

you on the other hand, were not studying for whatever reason

in fact you weren’t really doing anything at all

instead you were just relaxing on his bed, minding your own business because you knew not to disturb him when he was busy

but,, you were beginning to get bored of doing nothing

and you wanted affection from your salty dinosaur,,

finally thinking up of an excuse to use to steal a kiss you hop off his bed and walk over to him

he didn’t even notice you setting up the camera or beginning to record him because he was blasting his music loudly

but he did notice when your lips made contact with his cheek

he stopped writing and looked over to you to ask what you needed, then he noticed the camera and scoffed

while it might’ve looked like he wasn’t enjoying your kisses,, it was taking everything in his power to not give you a lil smile

besides,, the blush on his cheeks were enough to tell you what you needed to know :)

once the audio stopped he turned in his chair and pulled you closer to him, giving you one of his well known smirks

“if you wanted a kiss you could’ve just said so”

“shut up”

haikyuu mlist

[rafeswife]

CHAPTER ONE

Don’t forget to call me when you make it there safe!”

My mom yelled out at me as I scrambled to the door in a rush. A bag was on my shoulder full of hidden alcohol I had wrapped inside of towels, along with some snacks. I was currently on the way to see the pogues, unknowing to my mother who thought I was visiting the Cameron’s with baked goods.

I had lived in the Outerbanks for only a few weeks and the slang I had accumulated from hanging around the island still felt alien to me. My mother was a Interior Designer for one of the biggest home renovating shows in America, so moving around was nothing out of the ordinary for me. We had traveled from California to Ohio and my mothers next big project was none other then the North Carolina coast.

I had only met few people in my time on the island. On the second night of my stay I was greeted by a blonde girl who I soon placed as Sarah Cameron. The resident princess of the island; at least thats what I picked up on from listening to the Pogues. She was kind to me, it was a short exchange at the market. She recognized me as someone who wasn’t local and told me to text her if I ever needed help finding my way around the Outerbanks. We exchanged numbers and she left in a car of others in a rush.

Bringing me to my very first group of people I met on the island. My new house was in a place called Figure 8 and my next door neighbor was Kiera Carrera. One day while I was moving boxes into my house, I looked back and saw a Kiera on her porch she was in some sort of argument with her parents. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but their voices were anything but quiet. She was in a fight with her parents as she made her way down the steps. They shouted words that I didn’t understand at the time like “pogues” and “kooks” and “midsummars”.

All I knew was that I had been through what she had and I wanted to tell her it was going to be okay. Although it was none of my business, I waited for her parents to go inside as I placed the box of antiques down and made my way to the curb she sat on. I spoke to her about my parents divorce and I told her that it was okay to feel the way she was feeling. Our exchange led to her inviting me to her friend John Bs house. I don’t know why they added the B in John but I didn’t bother to ask. I met John B, and two other guys at his house. It gave me a close feel to a cabin with a tropic twist if that makes sense. John B was genuine, he told me stories of his father and welcomed me into his home with his arms open. On the other hand JJ was skeptical at first taking a minute to warm up to me because of the place where my home resided. He explained to me how the Kooks were selfish, rich people and the Pogues were the ones always ready for a good time on the island. He was fairly good looking but I shook away that thought because I could feel tension between him and Kiera. He then offered me a drink and told a few jokes that made me ugly laugh. Pope was the last boy I was acquainted with, he struck me as intelligent and determined. He seemed more worried of what I thought of them, telling JJ to calm down at times and asking Kiera questions about me. Overall the group and I had a good time and I left a good enough impression to be invited back.

Which leads me back to where I was headed. Kie invited me to a giant get together, they called it a Kegger which was just a party in Pogue language. I hopped inside my car and made my way to the beach, looking for a spot that others hadn’t found out about yet and parking. Shutting my car door and hitting the locks, I slung my backpack around me and followed the crowd. Which would’ve been the only way I knew where I was going if it wasn’t for the massive bonfire that was radiating smoke. I walked down to the secluded area and around the corner of a building saw hundreds and hundreds of people.

this has to be half of the town.

Quickly my anxiety began to creep up inside of me. As strange as it sounded because I moved all the time, I was very nervous around new people. Taking my shoes off of my newly tanned feet I stepped into the sand. I searched the beach squinting looking for the familiar faces of John B or Kiera but I was out of luck. I excused my way through strangers hoping I would run into one of the four Pogues. Digging my fingers into my hands and tugging at my backpack, I began to grow impatient.

Suddenly interrupting me from my intruding thoughts was a warm substance seeping down my white top. My eyes were met with a tall boy, who’s shoulders were broad and hair was slicked back. He held a bottle of beer in his hand as his blue eyes were set on my top.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry!”

I blurted out, it was my fault he had spilt his drink after all. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going causing me to ram into the guy.

“I should be the one apologizing, here come with me my sister probably has a extra shirt.”

He then proceeded to grabbing my hand and pulling me through the crowd of guests.

This guy was really hot if I had to admit, his collared polo complimented his body and his hands were filled with veins. Not to mention he had on a ring, A RING! I normally didn’t try to involve myself with boys because of how much I moved around. Having to leave the last boyfriend I had behind was gut wrenching, but… I could make an exception. It had been forever since I had been with any guy and I was craving something a little more than holding hands.

As we pushed past the final few people we stopped around and empty area. The boy looked off into the distance at a girl on top of some sort of wooden post and a blonde guy struggling to get her to come down. In fact, I knew that girl. It was-

“Sarah! Come here!”

I was startled by the loud outburst beside me. Sarah was his sister… That must’ve meant he was Rafe. Dammit.

flashback

“Every Kook is BAD, now repeat after me”

JJ had a very strong opinion about the richer class, I wonder what the reason was. What about Sarah Cameron, she seemed sweet.

“I met this girl named Sarah the other day, she was actually really welcoming.”

“Sarah CAMERON?”

Kiera blurted in sort of a grimace. She didn’t seem to be too fond of her.

“Sarah Cameron is the epitome of a snobby, entitled little brat. She always gets whatever she wants and doesn’t care about anyone other then herself.”

Kiera seemed to share a popular opinion amongst the Pogues based on their reaction to her outburst. They all nodded their heads in unison.

“Don’t even get me started on her brother Rafe! He is even worse, he treats the Pogues like shit and gets away with it every single time because he goes crying to his daddy.”

Her opinions on the two struck me as cruel. I didn’t know the two so clearly I couldn’t just defend them but, I didn’t like the way the Pogues spoke so poorly of the Kooks. It seemed wrong. Especially because when I met Sarah she was anything but a “brat”.

“Just don’t get involved with them. For your own good.”

JJ said, I could tell he was amused with making fun of the Cameron siblings. John B looked at my face and could tell something was off.

“Alright, Alright, I think you guys are started to scare the girl. Let’s go check out the waves.”

end of flashback

Sarah jumped off the pole without any regrets swinging around in what I assumed to be her boyfriends arms and making her way over to the two of us.

“Yes Rafe. What is so important that-“

Her gaze met mine.

“Alexis!”

She pulled me in for a hug quickly, my nose whiffing the smell of alcohol on her. Or on me.

“Hey Sarah”

“What happened!”

She exclaimed looking down at my shirt that was stuck to my skin.

“It was an accident,”

Rafe butted in.

“Rafe.”

She drug out in anger.

“We haven’t even met the girl for more than a second and you already have spilt your drink on her. Typical.”

I looked over at Rafe in pity for a split second but then I remembered this was a sibling thing to do. It was normal for brothers and sisters to argue, I didn’t know much about it because I was an only child.

“Shut up Sarah”

“It was my fault honestly, I wasn’t watching where I was walking.”

I nervously broke the tension. They both looked at me for a split second and then the silence was stopped by Sarah taking her shirt off. I was surprised by the Cameron girls boldness.

“Chill out girl, I’ve got a swimsuit and from the looks of it you don’t plus since Rafe did this too you he can kindly take you to his car so you can change.”

Sarah tossed me the top and ran for the water waving a goodbye with a warm smile. She was gorgeous, and she made me feel good. The Pogues seemed closed minded, and my views on things were beginning to shift since they were no where in sight, even though they said they were going to meet me here. Adding onto my perspective was the fact that Sarah and Rafe were there.

“She’s a handful. I’m Rafe by the way, which you probably gathered.”

His eyes were a little red, he must have been smoking. His voice seemed a little droopy but it was still sexy. My feet followed the direction of his as I held the shirt in my hand.

“Nice to meet you, Rafe. I’m Alexis.”

My voice was a bit shaky but confident. I liked to sound confident when I met others even though I wasn’t. We shortly arrived at his jeep, and he unlocked the doors.

“Can I put this bag down somewhere?”

I said picking the heavy weight off of my shoulder.

“Yeah, here let me see it.”

I rubbed my sore skin as he grabbed the bag and sat it in the trunk.

“Beer in the towels, huh?”

I looked back at him.

“Hey, who said you could be nosy?”

I playfully smiled at him.

“No one, but I was just curious what you were carrying around, I mean for all I know it could’ve been drugs.”

“You probably would’ve been happier with that outcome, huh?”

He laughed. His laugh. Holy shit his laugh. It was so hot.

“Can you grab me a drink?, I need one”

I asked desperately.

“If I can snatch one too then deal”

I nodded at his remark and hopped inside of his car grabbing the drink from his hand. I sat the drink in a cup holder as I took my soaked shirt off. I sat it to the side and then looked at my bra.

“Shit”

It was soaked too, I took it off as well praying it wasn’t getting any colder tonight as I slipped on the yellow tank top Sarah gave me.

I grabbed my drink, took a swig and opened the car door. I looked out and Rafe was already crushing his can sitting on the hood of the car.

“Want another?”

I offered reaching in my bag and extending my hand. He turned his head and looked at me for a few seconds. My hand waiting for release from the beverage but it never came. Then I realized why as I looked down at my shirt. You could see through. Before I looked back up he grabbed the drink clearly as embarrassed as I was.

“Yeah uh sorry”

His hand scratching the back of his neck as he opened the can. I brushed off the exchange and got up on the hood of his car with him looking at the party from afar taking another sip.

“So, you’re new ay?”

Rafe said.

“Yeah, I just moved here a couple of weeks ago.”

He wasn’t making eye contact with me and neither was I. It wasn’t uncomfortable though. The scenery was calm. The stars looked perfect and the sound of the faded party and waves were in perfect harmony.

“Who invited you here?”

“Just some people I met, they told me they would meet me but didn’t follow through.”

“Screw them. You should come hang out with us.”

His invite made me feel warm. I looked over at him taking a sip of the drink, I watched as it gilded down his throat. His adam’s apple bobbing. He was a masterpiece. I must’ve been looking a little too long because he whipped his head around at me. I quickly averted my gaze away embarrassed.

“Yeah I will definitely take you up on that offer, I can’t stand unreliable people.”

We were close. His hand smoothed it way to my knee. Yes please.

“Neither can I, good thing we are reliable. Even got you a new shirt.”

He stared back down as he made this statement clearly looking at my boobs. Quite frankly I was flattered.

“Eyes are up here buddy boy”

I cringed at my own words but being a couple of drinks in at this point I didn’t care.

“I know”

He said. His hand slid a little further up my leg placing on my thigh. Higher. and higher.

“You have a boyfriend?”

He asked, I laughed at this. Hard. My laugh was one of those laughs that sounded so stupid other people would laugh at it. So as I kept laughing he began to laugh as well.

“w-what”

His high was probably making my laugh sound even more strange then it already was.

“Nothing just that question is funny.”

BOOM

Both of us flinched as we looked away from eachother. That was a gun shot. I frantically got up.

“What the fuck, we need to get out of here”

Rafe yelled. I looked at him in a panic.

“What about Sarah!”

I shouted back.

“We will grab her in the car, now get in.”

The Pogues were still down there. I looked at Rafe as he sat in the car and looked down at all the people running away from the scene. I had to make a decision quickly.

The Kooks or The Pogues



[hermits-that-craft]

Love Run, The Song You Know's Begun.

"Though some would harm you, none - not one - no none Would raise to you a hand nor thumb Not while by you I stand and hum" - The Amazing Devil, Love Run Reprise --- The afterlife. Choices. Broken Promises.

Cross posted on ao3. Link in reblog

He wakes up in a meadow, surrounded by lilies, marigolds, poppies and white carnations. He blinks slowly, looking up at the sky. It’s synthetic. Perfectly painted. The sky is a beautiful baby blue, and he can see the paint strokes in the clouds.

He isn’t angry though. He can’t find it in himself to be angry. He hardly remembers who he is.

Where he is.

He stands, running his hand through his hair. He’s wearing a long sleeved white shirt, with a red collar and arms. His pants are beige, pockets filled with rocks and faded photos. His heart yearns, but he doesn’t move, the flowers growing through his feet and anchoring him to the meadow. Blood pools at his feet, runs in front of his eyes. His skin is littered black and blue.

But he isn’t in pain.

He can’t move.

“You have a choice” The universe whispers to him, gently in the breeze. “You can go back, or you can move forward. You were ripped from that world too soon.”

It’s regret, what's on her voice. At least, thats what he thinks it is.

“Why can’t I remember anything?” He asks her. “What’s my name? Why am I bleeding?”

“You have a choice,” The universe reiterates. “You can go back, or you can move forward. I cannot tell you about your past. I will not tell you of your future. This choice is entirely yours.”

“How will I know?”

“You will feel it. You will feel the pull towards one option or another.”

“What if,” He pauses, uncertain. “What if I don’t want to choose?”

“Then you will be split between both. Half will move forward. Half will go back.” The universe seems to want to say something, as though she believes that she is leaving something out that is important.

“Can I stay here?” His voice is small, uncertain. “I don’t want to be hurt again. I don’t want to be an adult anymore.”

A woman appears in the meadow. Her dark, shoulder length hair flows gently in the breeze, golden cloak swaying with the grass. She wears a black, sleeveless top and black cargo pants, alongside leather boots. She turns to him, and her eyes look like the stars. She isn’t Clara - the emptiness of the void does not exist here - but he knows her.

He’s seen her in the photos on someone’s walls. Heard about her in another’s tales. Felt her in a person’s embrace.

She is the universe.

She is Kristen.

She walks to him silently, tears welling in her eyes as she pulls him into a hug. It’s warm, the warmth he craved from before, but not dangerously so. He isn’t cold anymore. She holds him as he breaks. He doesn’t know his name, he doesn’t know what he left behind. He doesn’t know where he is or what he is. But he knows her.

“I can’t keep you here.” She whispers to him. “My boy, my son, how I wish I could. Someone awaits you on both sides. You should go to one of them.”

“But what about you?”

“I will join you when the last member of our family joins you.”

“Mum-”

“You have to decide, now.” She pulls away from him, and wipes the tears from his eyes. “Where will you go?”

“I can’t. Both?” He watches her with sad eyes. “Will I remember both?”

“When half of you decides to move forward, then you will remember what the half that moved back will remember.”

“Then both.” He says, and Kristen - the universe - smiles at him. She is kind.

“Go back to sleep. When you wake up, all will be well.”

----

Ghostinnit wakes in his dirt house, floating just off of the bed. He sits, confused. What does he remember?

“TO REVOKE THE CITIZENSHIP-” “Let’s be the bad guys, Tommy.” “I don’t give a FUCK about spirit.” “Let’s blow that motherfucker to smithereens” “Sorry doesn’t cut it. “The only universal language is violence.” “Down with the revolution boys, it was never meant to be.” “I wanna see WHITE FLAGS!” “We’re fucked, we were fucked the minute we were thrown out.” “He would drop us at the SECOND he realised we’re not in the lead anymore.” “Do you know what happens to traitors, Tubbo?” “L’Manburg can be independent, but L’Manburg can’t be FREE.” “The most logical thing to do. For Tommy to be… Exiled. From L’Manburg.”

Oh.

So that’s what he remembers.

Ghostinnit doesn’t know who he can trust. He remembers dying, painful, slow and full of fear, but he doesn’t remember much from between doomsday and death. Perhaps he was happy? Or at least, not scared? He shouldn’t trust anyone, just in case.

Ghostinnit floats out of his house, ‘walking’ towards Eret’s castle. As much as Tommy wants to hate the king for betraying L’Manburg, Tommy remembers seeing Eret fight alongside him during doomsday. Go head to head with Dream and Techno and Philza. The admin and Tommy’s family. Eret fought to help him. So Tommy should be able to at least forgive the king, or steal from him.

He’ll make up his mind on the way there.

Ghostinnit floats, not paying much attention to his surroundings, until he stops. He’s not sure what made him stop, but he looks at the flower garden that grows around Eret’s base. Wild poppies grow on the lawn, and Tommy sits down, picking them. He doesn’t know what possess him to make the flower crown, but it doesn’t feel right until he stops.

A flower crown made of poppies.

A crown of blood.

Tommy holds the flower crown gently, taking great care not to bend it wrong. He floats into the grand castle, wandering until he hears a shout.

“He’s gone, Tubbo!” It’s Jack, his mind happily supplies. He has a few bad memories of the man, he recognises the shout, but he doesn’t have any recent memories of him, so he surely could trust Jack! “He’s gone and the server is thriving!”

“How could you be so heartless!” Tubbo screams, and Ghostinnit floats over to the doorway. Niki and Jack stand to one side, idly watching as Eret holds Tubbo back. Ghostinnit’s friend (ex-friend? They did have a falling out) is struggling against Eret’s grip, screaming and thrashing. Phil and Techno are there, both glaring at Jack and Niki. Tommy doesn’t understand it.

A casket lies on a pedestal, the L’Manburg flag draped over it. A soldier's burial, for Wilbur perhaps. Tommy knows that getting his body from the prison would be a hassall. One that those who hate him wouldn’t go through, even if those people were his father and brother. Sam and a sheep woman stand guard over it, though their eyes are clouded with pain. Quackity and Sapnap weap, Karl holding onto them protectively. Perhaps not Wilbur’s funeral then, he doesn’t remember Wilbur being close to either of the two, though he might have become close in the happy memories.

“What's wrong?” Ghostinnit asks quietly, floating into the room. The crowd looks at him, and Ghostinnit wants to curl up in the air. There are too many people looking at him, they’re angry, they’re going to kill him-

“Tommy?” The sheep woman’s voice breaks, and somewhere in his mind he digs up a name. Puffy. “Oh Void-”

“You’re Puffy, right?” His voice is small. “I don’t have any memories of you, so you must have been a good memory.”

“What?” Eret chokes out. “I thought-”

“I only have bad memories. I guess the universe wanted me to make better memories.” Ghostinnit shrugs, though he can’t quite make the panic subside. He wishes everyone would just look away-

“You look like shit.” Jack says, glaring at him.

“Well, I was beaten to death by my abuser.” Ghostinnit shoots back, though he floats back from the man. Something is off about him. He doesn’t seem quite right. “And I’m sorry for not exactly having enough time to look at myself. I wanted to come see Eret. Who’s funeral is this?”

“It’s yours.” Sam says, bowing his head. “I’m sorry, Tommy. I’m so sorry-”

“You didn’t kill me.” Ghostinnit says. “You did what you had to do.”

“We’ll bring you back.” Tubbo says, his eyes full of promises he can’t keep. “I don’t care what we have to do. What deals we have to make.”

“Don’t.” Ghostinnit shakes his head. “The revive book isn’t real. I don’t want to come back. I’m only here because I’m waiting.”

“For what?” Techno asks, and Quackity glares at Ghostinnit’s older brother, who ignores Tubbo’s wails. “What are you waiting for?”

“Whoever Kristen says she’s waiting for.” Ghostinnit shrugs. “Then I’ll go back to the meadow.”

And with that, Ghostinnit turns to leave. He’ll talk to Eret after the ceremony. After his funeral. After all, he doesn’t want to watch as his father and brother’s faces fall with the memory of his mother. He doesn’t want to listen to Tubbo and Puffy’s wails. He just wants to let Eret know that he was forgiven. He places the flower crown on a table underneath a mirror, somehow having made his way into one of Eret’s bathrooms.

He sees his reflection in the mirror, and stares at it in shock. The black eye that he was given as he was beaten to death is no more, instead replaced with a bouquet of forget-me-nots. In fact, all of his bruises are the small, blue flowers. The blood that fell from the side of his mouth and his nose is gone, replaced by a poppy. He wears a red sweater, not unlike Ghostbur’s yellow one, or Glatt’s blue one, and his skin is grey.

His eyes are blue though, not whited out like he imagined. Pure blue, no glowing white or void like black. A bright, sky blue.

He smiles, and poppy petals fall from his lips.

---

Tommy hops off the train that left the meadow, a bag over his back. He’s wearing his normal clothes, and the injuries he once sustained are gone. He feels solid, but also not solid. Scared, but not. He remembers everything, and somehow nothing.

He doesn’t know which stop to hop off at, so he doesn’t. He watches as others hop off at different stops, ghosts going to worlds. Perhaps to be reborn, perhaps to meet the afterlife. Maybe even to become a member of someone’s chat.

The train stops, and he’s the only one on his carriage. The end of the line.

Tommy gets off, worry in his gut. What if he doesn’t see Wilbur here? What if Wilbur hopped off at another stop. What if Wilbur doesn’t want to see him?

What if he does see Wilbur?

Tommy looks around the station, hugging himself as he tries to find a familiar face. Maybe Schlatt will be there, maybe not. He’d take anyone , at this point.

He’s the only person who hops off at this station.

“Tommy?” It’s Wilbur’s voice that pulls him out of his frantic searching. “You’re not supposed to be here, the void wasn’t preparing for you. Why are you here?”

Tommy turns, and sees his brother. Still in his Pogtopia coat, but cleaner. Warmer. Tears pool in Tommy’s eyes, and he runs to his brother, getting pulled into a hug. He’s with Wilbur again. He’s nearly home .

“Who hurt you, Toms?” Wilbur sounds choked up, upset. “Why are you here?”

“Dream.” Tommy says quietly. “He beat me to death.”

“I’ll kill him.” Wilbur swears, and Tommy laughs wetly.

“Don’t. I promised that I’d see you soon.” Tommy pulls out of Wilbur’s hug, reaching for his hand. “Let’s go home, I’m tired of being an adult. Let’s be a family again.”

“I’m not supposed to see you for another fifty years.” Wilbur accepts the hand Tommy offers him, smiling sorrowfully. “But I’m glad you hopped off the train here.”

“I wouldn’t have hopped off anywhere else. Too much pull to here.”

They both walk out of the station, hand in hand. Tommy sees the outline of Schlatt and Mexican Dream in the distance, and he knows that his family will come through, sooner or later. He’ll see them around, but for now he’ll spend time with his older brother and his friends.

He has an eternity to spend with everyone else, when they arrive.

[obscureoperations]

Recently got a request for Martin/male reader. I tried posting this earlier but the app was being a bitch😭 anyways here ya go mate.

Martin thought that he discovered all his secrets, at least the ones he held closely to his heart. Everything that pertained to his sickness. His own personal secret as he would watch them. They were just so pretty.The way their pulse would beat that much quicker, the closer he drew them to his chest. They felt so warm and alive even in their sedated state. He craved the attention in real life, but there was no way that any of them would notice him. He couldn’t understand why he craved your attention the moment you walked into the shop.

The doorbells jungled as you entered the shop with a hearty laugh,with your full entorongue trailing right behind you. Raising a slender hand you raked your fingers through your hair as you allowed a moment to take in your surroundings.

“Well look what we have here” You exclaim, holding the magazine in front of your face. Your lackeys immediately swarm behind you.

Tilting the book, slightly to the left, pulling down the page “Ohh! This is priceless.”

Normally he didn’t care. The magazines were for the customers to read as they pleased.  In an instant Cuda was right behind Martin, eyes focused on you and your group. “Watch them…” He mutters under his breath, Martin shifts uncomfortably onto his other foot. He hated that part, when Cuda wanted him to act as security, closely surveying ‘questionable’ customers. It didn’t seem like a task that he would mind, he watched people all the time. But this was different, there was no true intent behind any of it. And for the most part he could care less if they stole from his cousin.

With a sigh Martin picks up a broom and leisurely begins to sweep, trailing behind your group as you guys shopped. Your friends would pick things up and but them down at random places in the store. At one point he wanted to laugh to himself when he found an apple with exactly three bites out of it sitting on top of one of the candy bins. Your group seemed to be close to his age if not a few years older. He pondered briefly if you guys were from out of town, he definitely would have noticed you before. After a while his attention is focused on you as your finders trail along the shelves, you were close to his height maybe an inch taller, with an almost similar haircut. You were dressed in a red plaid shirt sands the sleeves, and a pair of slightly worn jeans. If anything he wanted to laugh you looked like you had stepped out of a movie. The stereotypical ‘’bad guy’’  that all the girls would fawn over. He never got it. That was probably why nobody truly noticed him. He was about as intimidating as a  mouse.

Every once and a while one of his friends would glance over and he would have to pretend to be absorbed in his task. At one point the blond one gave you a nudge, motioning over to your direction. Even as Martins eyes were averted, pins and needles-- he could feel the intensity of your stare. Your friend was whispering something that he couldn’t quite hear. He could distinctly hear you mutter.

“Nice…” 

You guys make your way over to the next aisle as Martin grips the broom that much tighter. He watched you through one of the cracks in the shelves, it gave him the perfect moment to fully take in your appearance. He allows his eyes to move over your features as a strange feeling settles in his chest. He didn’t want to look away for some reason your face looked so familiar. He wanted to hear your voice. “Shh..” You mutter, quickly looking around before cracking a smirk.

“All I’m saying is, when was the last time you got laid?” His friend laughed.  You shove him 

almost roughly, he could have sworn a blush was spreading across your face. More muffled snickers as you venture further down the aisle. With a deep breath Martin trails behind, his mouth suddenly dry for some reason. 

Your group begins to work their way towards the front of the store, you already had several items in your hands. Every now and then, you would glance around, at one point your eyes actually met. Martin could have sworn his soul escaped his body, but he couldn’t find it in him to look away. You regarded him with an almost unreadable expression, he felt as though you were staring straight through him. 

“Hey… you work here?” 

Martin opened his mouth, but for a moment was unable to speak. It felt like the longest moment of his life. Why wasn’t he able to answer a simple question? More laughter, he could feel himself turning impossibly red, as he gripped the broom that much tighter. “Maybe he’s deaf..” One of your friends whispers. “Hey… are you braindead?” The blonde one asks. “Stuff it.” You mutter under your breath.

“Hey!” you call again, only then does Martin find his voice. “Yes. I mean --Yeah I work here.”

You look at him as if he’s grown a second head, widening your eyes just a bit. “Well… Can we check out? I mean unless this shits on the house.”

Martin quickly places the broom aside as he makes his way over to the counter. He keeps his eyes on the items as he skans them, hoping to god you wouldn’t notice the way his hands shook. His heart was threatening to explode out of his chest, he could feel his heartbeat in his throat. You watch him curiously as he scans the items trying to get a clear look at his face. A task that was easier said than done, floppish brown hair fell into his eyes-- your gaze shifts to his delicate hands. You cut your eyes back over to your friend, the blonde who more than likely was thinking the same thing. He shoots you a glance, raking his tongue over his teeth. “Dibs... “ 

“Not on your life…”

‘’ So like, what’s there to do in this town?I been here less than a week and this shit’s dull.”

Martin only gives a small shrug as he continues to bag your items. 

“Any restaurants? Cool spots to hang-- where ah-- where do you go to meet girls?”

“I wouldn’t know.” The three word response gained a quiet sort of hum from your friend group-- the blonde shifts onto the other foot. Martin just wanted to bag your items so you could go-- he didn’t know how he would react if he had to look at you up close. 

“Wow, lame town-- dodgy service There’s a thing called eye contact pal.” Despite the snippiness of your words Martin could hear laughter behind your voice.  With a deep breath he finally looks up meeting your gaze as if to ask “are you happy now?” Now it was your turn to look surprised, if not a tiny bit flustered. Your gaze moves over his features drinking them in--eyes unsure just where to land. They settled on his full lips that were nearly formed into a pout for probably a few seconds longer than necessary. You straighten up a bit suddenly aware of the way you were leaning on the counter like a slob.  “ Sorry man, I was just asking. I'm new here,  just trying to get a feel for the place.”

Martin had finally finished bagging your items and at this point waiting for you to pay. “ I haven’t been here long myself. About a month. This is my cousin’s shop-- I just work here.. I don’t really go out.” You nod your head thoughtfully for a moment, he could detect a strange sort of glimmer behind your eyes. It felt so strange yet oddly familiar, heat began to pool at the pit of his stomach. “Gotcha, well thats too bad man I was hoping you could help me out. Maybe show me around if you had time.”  What were you saying? What should he say? For a moment he was upset that he honestly couldn’t answer your question. “Im y/n by the way, Im from Philly.” 

“Martin, Indianapolis.”

Soon enough you were all paid up and Martin found himself not wanting you to leave. Your friends could if they wanted to, especially the blonde who kept leering at him like he was a piece of meat. “Well, Martin, it was nice talking to ya… Maybe I’ll see you around town some time.” Martin chews on his bottom lip anxiously before he nods in agreement-- he could have sworn you looked almost relieved.

He went home that day repeatedly going over your interaction-- mentally kicking himself for how uninteresting he must have seemed. Why exactly he cared, he wasn’t sure. He just knew that he wanted to impress you, but now he might not get the chance. Little did he know that you were already planning to return to the shop tomorrow. This time without the rest of your friends.

[hufflautia]

Hope you’ve had a great day today 💛

funnily enough, i literally just stopped crying. today was a bad day, I don't know 

why but my anxiety was just quite bad today and I was panicking before school started. something happened in my first class and I overthink a lot, so my mind was like, “oh my god why did they write your name last, do they hate me, am I boring, am I forgetful, people are always forgetting about me” and “my teacher doesn't like me, why didn't he respond, I'm embarrassed, why did you have to say what you said??” my English teacher does these “mindfulness” moments in which we sit in silence for a minute and reflect on the day, and I literally started crying. after the minute ended, I just stopped bc I didn't feel like crying anymore, and suddenly my brain said, “ur so fake, ur just acting, why did u stop crying all of a sudden, u just want attention u crave attention ur such a faker!!” also I keep thinking about something that happened years ago with my dad, I don't rlly wanna get into it but I think it would be good if I just say it so that its not jammed in my head. basically, I was really young, like in elementary school; my dad asked me if i wanted to sleep in his room with him, and originally, my mom was sleeping with him and i shared a room with my little brother. however, i was like hmm maybe, and then my dad said, haha ill pay u 5 dollars. at the time, i said YAY OK but now i realized that's so fucking creepy, yall know what its insinuating right?? anyways, i said ok, bc it was just a change from the usual sleep schedule and i liked spending time w my dad, so my mom went to my brothers room (it was a king-sized bed so it was ok, it wasn't a small bed that we had to share or anything like that) and i went to my parents room. basically, what happened was that we went to sleep, and in the middle of the night, (the next part makes me feel so uncomfortable and i feel queasy writing it) my dad slapped my butt really really hard to the point where i woke up and i was like ?????? and then he rubbed it softly immediately afterwards. i didnt know what happened, and i told my sister the day after, and she was confused too. recently i was thinking about it and I'm still confused and a lot more uncomfortable with what happened. here is my theory and i was very upset by it bc no one would want to think things like this- maybe my dad likes hurting women during sex and it was a reflex that night, but once he realized it was me, he tried “soothing me” or some shit by rubbing my butt (i literally hate this, i hate the fact that this happened and i don't like typing it out). no one wants to think about their parents sex life so this was just disgusting to think about. also my brother and mom keep arguing and fighting with each other, and I'm sure i have trauma from hearing my parents argue all the time so i rlly don't like it when they fight. my brother has explosive anger and he literally screams at her, which is very disrespectful; however, she screams at him too and sometimes hurts him, which scares me. I'm not worried about my own safety, I just hate violence i hate abuse, that scares me. so much stuff has happened in my life, and it results in a lot of trauma and other stuff that i don't even know about. i just know im really fucked up, im damaged and it just all felt like crashing down on me today- like everything thats happened, i was feeling anxious for no reason, i was thinking about the past, and i started crying again while watching netflix after school, so i just kept crying and i talked to myself out loud about my day and why i was feeling the way i was. that did help to some extent, and after i did that, i stopped crying, and then my brain said “why do you shut off your crying so easily, you seem fake, you seem like you wanna be sad and cry just so that you can see your pretty little tears drip down ur face like an actress, ur so fake ur so fake ur faking it ur not actually sad”, and the hardest part was that i didnt even object to it bc i didnt feel like anything was real, i felt like i didnt know who i was. i was like ok bitch whatever maybe ur right maybe i am faking it. i dont even know how to explain it, but its like being tired of that nagging and negative voice that you just submit to it, and you say ok whatever sure i am faking it, but in truth, the sadness i was feeling was real and genuine. about 10 min ago, i saw that someone tagged me in a fanfic and while i was reading it, i literally started bawling. i guess it was bc i saw in my email inbox that people had sent me asks, and i was happy bc i thought that maybe the person who sent me the fanfic idea responded back with more details. i was anxious about that before, bc i was thinking, oh god what if they just never respond, what if they just dont care about u anymore. when i saw the asks notifications, i felt a lot of relief bc i thought to myself, oh phew ok people still care about u. when i was crying while reading the fanfic, i couldn't stop crying, it felt endless. i couldn't just stop crying like i had before, and it reminded me of the time when my mom was going out to meet someone that she met on a dating app, and it was in the earlier times when she started doing this; she had gotten involved with some terrible men in the past, men who catfished her and were rlly vulgar and gross. im sure this was somewhere in June, when i had just posted chapter 1 of the slytherpuff series bc when i was freaking out about the date, i wrote about it in my journal and i know that it was somewhere in June bc i wrote something like “mom is going out to meet someone and im nervous, please please please i hope shes ok and careful, im really nervous and scared, no one likes my writing, mom is probably in danger, oh god oh gosh”. it was just a whole bunch of negative and anxious thoughts, including how i was feeling about the whole situation with chapter 1, so that's how i know it was somewhere in June. anyways, basically i was really scared for my mom bc shes had a bad history with online men and i was scared that someone was gonna kill her. i read and listen to a lot of murder mysteries, so my mind was going absolutely wild. i remember on that day, i went to take a shower after writing that entry in the journal, bc showering makes me feel better. when i stepped into the shower i started crying bc i was really scared for her and i was hoping she was safe and ok but i was just feeling so scared so i was crying and i couldn't stop crying. that was the scary part because i just kept bawling and i couldn't stop like i usually do; my brain said ok that's enough, you’ve cried enough, but my heart just kept going on and on and my brain said ok ok jessica holy jesus that's enough and eventually i sucked it up and was kinda ok afterwards but still sad and numb. that was similar to what had happened about 20 min ago. also im sure i was also sad today bc yesterday, my mom talked to me about in-person college visits, and her demeanor was very rushed and controlling. she said, “ok jessica we’re gonna do the college visits, we’re gonna drive there, and your dad is gonna come home for that. tell him that you need to do that, ok? tell him we do the college visits together.” i said that colleges are doing virtual tours, and her facial expression was very strained, she was like “DO NOT TELL HIM THAT. dont tell him that, ok?!” and she was pointing her finger at me and everything. she said, “tell him we’re going to do the physical college tours, which colleges do you wanna visit??” and she kept telling me not to tell him about the virtual tours. it reminded me of whenever she told me to say this or that to my dad over the phone, and i was upset, like oh great ok so dad’s coming home and i dont even wanna see him bc i dont like him that much, and now im gonna have to lie bc dad is probably gonna already know about the virtual tours and im gonna have to pretend that none of the colleges are doing virtual tours. in essence, today was a terrible day. while i was crying my eyes out when reading the fanfic, i wanted to tell something, i wanted to reach out to lee and jolie, but my brain said that i would burden them, im always telling them about stuff that happens (concerning my family or other stuff) and its probably getting too much for them.  my brain said that they wont be able to help anyway, im still gonna have to deal with the stuff im dealing with, and no one can help. that's a sad thought, it seems so helpless and sad. sometimes i overthink the smallest things, and when i see a text from lee and jolie that doesnt seem “right”, i think, oh gosh they hate me now, why did i have to say that?? i usually see my therapist every Thursday, aka today, but we didnt meet this time bc her schedule is becoming busy so now we’re gonna do it every other week, so next week i shall see her. perhaps she can help. 

thank you for this ask, it seemed so out of the blue bc no one rlly sends asks like this anymore. while writing this, i literally thought to myself, shes like an angel sent from heaven

[shaechans]

ask game!!

the answers are under the cut in case it goes too long hehe

Last Song You Listened To?

from home by nct

Relationship Status.

single!!

Did You Wake Up Cranky?

no in fact i woke in a really good mood cause i didn’t have school lmao

How Many Followers?

426 holy shit thank you

Take A Vitamin Daily?

nope

Do You Sing In The Shower?

of course. but sometimes i just think of shower thoughts

What Books Are You Reading?

started the hunger games series recently

Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

“information technology (IT) is the study of design, development, implementation, support or management of computer based information” that’s my sisters’ 8th grade social textbook lols

Favourite Anime?

death note (thats the only ive watched so far, gonna start haikyuu soon)

Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

my mom sigh i cried cause of this terrible headache i had and couldn’t handle anymore

Do You Collect Anything?

...albums?

What Did You Have For Lunch?

fish curry and fish fry yum

Do You Dance In The Car?

more like sing than dance but then again, it depends on the song and the mood im in

Do You Watch The Olympics?

as of now, no but i might have to soon

What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

11pm on school days and 1-2am on weekends

Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

nope

Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

none. i don’t like swimming. but if i chad to choose, pool. i’m thalassophobic

Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

bottled!!!

What Makes You Happy?

making people laugh, the noise of laughter, kpop, and spending time with people i like annoying

Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

with music. but like music i haven’t heard before otherwise i get distracted and sing along

Dogs Or Cats?

dogs!!!!!!!111!!!! but cats have been coming at me recently

If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

ngl red or orange

PlayStation Or Xbox

hmm playstation

Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

lake better than ocean

Do You Believe In Magic?

yesss except black magic that’s bullshit

What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

juniper green

Can You Curl Your Tongue?

yup!

Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

yes my shorts

Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

yes treasure (and superm’s super one album)

Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

noooo they’re scary

Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

yes VERY easily. i’m a trend follower

Do You Have Strange Dreams?

all the time, it’s fun to think about in the morning

Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

oh yesss i love plane rides

Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

peanuts

If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

nct / the 1975

Are You A Picky Eater?

yes, VERY. and i have a small appetite so i can never really eat too much

Do You Like To Read / Write?

hmm write more than read

Do You Like Your Music Loud?

in between. sometimes it depends on my mood. but i’ll often lower the volume than increase

Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

hmmm present wrapping would be fun

What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

it’s the autumn > winter transition

What Are You Craving Right Now?

cookies and french fries:(( even though i ate those an hour ago

Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

lmao my ask and yes i use my laptop so

What Is Your Gender?

female!

Coffee Or Tea?

i don’t mind really but i would prefer coffee over tea

Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

nope but i do have a marketing test on the 29th yikes

Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

yes im tidy like that

Favourite Pokemon?

squirtle and snorlax cuties

Favourite Social Media?

ngl right now really proud of my tumblr. but it’s usually my instagram

What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

i love them

Do You Get Homesick?

YES ALOT, like i feel like that as soon as im out my house for like 5 minutes

Are You A Virgin?

yes and im 15

If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

fuck that motel i’d sleep in the car wtf

Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

yes<3

Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

hmm i don’t really yet

Do You Miss Your Ex?

don’t have one woohoo

What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

if beyonce can forgive jayz, i can forgive you ~ kevin moon

Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

the swings were are my favourite on the playground. i LOVE going on them and will fight 5 year olds to sit on one >.<

What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

banana

Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

OF COURSE. i would help anyone in need of help, homeless or not, outcast or not. if you wouldn’t please unfollow me thank you

Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

...yes

Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

..........yes

Do You Like Meeting New People?

sometimes yes sometimes no. it depends on the group of people, i’m attracted to lively and playful groups pf people

Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

nopeee

Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

opennnn

What Are Three Things You Did Today?

made myself a sandwich, replayed enhypen’s teaser a billion times and watched nct world’s latest episode

What Do You Wear To Bed?

comfy clothes

List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

none

Are You A Day Or Night Person?

day hmmm what

Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

i.... cannot remember.. i briefly remember this one dream where i, along with a group of people were locked up in this tower thing and it was a test???? and the judge was rain. he trained us for a week or something to rock climbing. and then i remember sunwoo helping me win when he was in the opposite team and he was about to kiss me woop but i fell.. and suddenly i was running away in a getaway car there were sirens in the beat of your heart kjakjahsj and then i woke up whew

Favourite Soda Drink?

ginger ale

Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

jeans

How Do You Look Right Now?

face oily, neck sore and eyes falling woooo

Name Something That Relaxes You

this playlist

What Tattoo Do You Want?

lowkey want a mmdiii (2503) or Yea, Simon says Hurry up 거리에 널린 flat hoop들 멈춘 순간 널 향해 조준 다 쏜다Hands up 뒤돌아 Hands up 흔들어 숨이 가득 차도 여기 법 계속 달려왜 또 눈치만 ���고 서있나 우두커니 왜 또 겁먹은 표정을 짓나 이걸 원해?주문을 외워 I'm God 너희를 홀려 like wow NCT we all so sexy NCT noise you can't break me 누가 날 욕해 who Bless me achoo Simon says be cool Don't be such a fool Simon says 우린 real vibe killer (killer killer killer) Simon says 우린 real vibe killer (killer killer killer) 너네들은 다 mine mine mine mine mine 너네들은 다 mine mine mine mine mine 필요 없어 그딴 말말말말말 We don't pay no mind mind mind mind mind Yo 꽉 막힌 차 사이로 길을 여는 siren 니 맘에 그 체증을 밤새 뚫고 달려누구보다 빨라 전부 뒤에 가있어 거침없어 모든 건 내게 달려Eh 점점 분위기는 high high high high 우릴 막는 소린 bye bye bye bye 신경 다 끄고 놀아 밤새 누가 뭐라 하든 상관 안 해주문을 외워 I'm God 너희를 홀려 like wow NCT we all so sexy NCT noise you can't break me 누가 날 욕해 who Bless me achoo Simon says be cool Don't be such a fool Simon says 우린 real vibe killer (killer killer killer) Simon says 우린 real vibe killer (killer killer killer) 너네들은 다 mine mine mine mine mine 너네들은 다 mine mine mine mine mine 필요 없어 그딴 말말말말말 We don't pay no mind mind mind mind mind두려워하지마 널 막는 건 너 일 뿐 yeah 착각하지마 우린 오늘 break the rules 눈을 뜨고 깨어나 이 순간 깊숙이 빠져들어가 현실과 꿈의 사이 진짜 널 찾는 그 순간Simon says 우린 real vibe killer (aye, real vibe killer) Simon says 우린 real vibe killer (aye, real vibe killer) 너네들은 다 mine mine mine mine mine 너네들은 다 mine mine mine mine mine 필요 없어 그딴 말말말말말 We don't pay no mind mind mind mind mind We don't pay no attention but i don’t maybe the mmdiii.

whew that was a long one...kudos to whoever read all this bullshit

[fancycakedragon]

Yellow Dress

Ben Hardy X Reader

Warning(s): none

A/N: Just wanted a piece with my fave blondie.

Masterlist

"(Y/N) as fun as it sounds," Ben said speaking into his phone, "wouldn't you have more fun dress shopping with your friends, or the bridemaids?"

You had called minutes ago asking him to join you so you could have a second opinion on which dress to buy for your cousin's wedding.

You sighed the sound being picked up, "We kept rescheduling the day to go together cause of my work but when I was finally free I got sick. So I just told the girls to go buy their dresses without me."

"I honestly don't think I know enough to help," Ben said nervously.

"Just tell me if it looks good or not and we'll survive. Before you say no just think of me giving you the face," you teased.

Ben chuckled but he was already imagining your eyes staring at him pathetically and your bottom lip pouting. That expression always got him to give into you.

You met Ben when he became your maths tutor in University. The two of you found yourselve's spending time together after studying and easily slid into a comfortable friendship and later became best friends.

"I hate you," he muttered only for you to cheer.

"Meet me downtown in thirty minutes."

The two of you had gone through a number of boutiques and stores without you even having ancidea of what you wanted. You kept insiting that you'd know it when you saw it but Ben was getting tired.

Ben groaned as he followed you into another store, "I'm saying this because I love you, you're overthinking this. Just get something nice so I can sit down."

"Fine, if we don't find anything here I'll just wear something I already have," you said feeling yourself slowly start to give up.

Thats when you saw the beautiful dress, hanging on a rack among others. "Ooh, look at this one. Think I'd look good in it?"

Ben tilted his head at it, "Why dont you try it?"

You picked your size and went into the fitting room to try it. The dress was a deep mustard yellow starting off with a plunging sweetheart neckline. The top section was covered with a delicate lace pattern stopping at the top of your waist. The rest was a pleated skirt that fell down past your mid thigh. You stood as your reflection looked back at you. Ben came behind you hands stuffed in his pockets, his eyes meeting yours with a knowing smile.

You smiled back, "This is it. We can go celebrate with drinks now, you're buying of course."

"Why am I buying?"

"Cause I did last time, plus you got that Hollywood money," you joked.

Ben shook his head chuckling.

"Just let me change and pay for this," you located the tag, "How much is- oh shit!"

"What, what's wrong with it?!"

"This dress is worth two paychecks. Fuck me, I can't afford this," you let out a puff of air.

Ben lifted a shoulder, "I can."

Your head snapped to look at him, "No."

"What, why not?"

"Because, I dont want you to. I'll wait for it to go on sale."

"By then the wedding will already have happened. C'mon it's not like I'm taking out a loan or anything. I got that hollywood money, baby," he said with a raised brow and confident smirk.

You laughed pushing at his chest, "Stop."

"Just let me buy you this one dress, think of it as an early birthday present?"

You chewed on you lip before nodding, "Fine but I'll have to pay you back."

~~~~~

You'd managed to get Ben as your plus one. Since he was well accuainted with your family the wedding had been a great time. He was catching up with some family members of your while you went off to dance during the reception.

You saw an elderly man tapping his foot watching everyone else dance from his seat. If you could remember correctly he was your cousin's, wife's great uncle. You approached him with a smile, "Hey Uncle Mike, wanna dance."

He shook his head politely, "Not unless the DJ plays something from this century."

You laughed before cupping your hands over your mouth and bellowing in the direction of the DJ, "Play something from this century!" Ok so you were a little buzzed but who cared, it was a wedding.

The DJ looked at you and replied with a finger gun in your direction. The next song began and you looked back at Mike. "Sounds current, let's hit the dance floor."

Mike chortled getting up carefully and following you. You easly slipped into the song's rhythm moving along with Mike. You dress shone the fabric catching the lights cascading from the chandalier.

Ben smiled seeing you enjoying yourself. No one ever pushed you two to be more than friends but sometimes he wondered what it would have been like to be college sweethearts. The idea dissipated when Ben got more serious with his acting and was gone for months at a time, only seeing you at random weeks.

With the song coming to an end he saw Mike tilting his head in his direction. You looked over and saw Ben's gaze on you. After a quick exchange you gave the man a kiss on the cheek and went over to your friend.

With a cheeky grin you held out your hand for him, "Don't even think about saying "no"."

~~~~~

You were quickly putting on your shoes and jacket as you prepared to leave.

Ben was lounging on your couch when he asked, "Where's the date again?"

You looked up at him briefly, "I'm gonna be having dinner at some high end michelin star restaurant."

Ben pressed his lips together trying to push down his disappointment. He could take you to dinner, hell he'd take you anywhere if you asked. But you never did, so he sat there admiring the way that yellow dress followed your curves. Damn you were too good to be true sometimes.

"Don't stay up, and lock my door. G'night," you said before rushing out of the apartent.

You sat at the restaurant waiting for your date. Your fifteen minute wait became half an hour then two. The entire time you were holding off the waitress assuring her someone else was coming knowing deep down you'd been stood up. It wasn't until you got a notification on your phone that your resolve broke. The person that was supposed to be having dinner with you had posted an instagram video of them partying it up in a yatch. You couldn't even begin to fathom the heartlessness and idiocy of one person. Pressing your lips together you got the waitresses attention getting your check.

When you got home you hastily tried to unlock your door in order to avoid seeing Ben. His apartment was only three doors down and he had a habit of catching while you were at your door.

You were about to run into the safety of your home when you heard his voice, "Y/N, How was the date?"

"Got stood up, going to bed," you mumbled.

Ben reached for your arm, "Hey,are you ok, do you want to talk?"

You shook your head so lightly it was barely noticable, "Maybe tomorrow when it's not so fresh."

"Ok," he said with an understanding nod, "Well I got some take out from No More Mr. Rice Guy. There's some extra in here for you."

"Really?" the grumbling in your stomach signaled a need to be sated.

Ben chuckled, "C'mon, I was about to binge watch Good Omens."

With a new gleam in your eye you kicked of your shoes and slipped out of your jacket you following him into his apartment.

~~~~~

Ben had made a point to tell you what that yellow dress did to him before the two of you left. You would have been significantly late if you hadn't stopped him the moment his fingers traced your shoulder blades, reaching for the zipper.

Everyone was laughing at a story that Joe was telling. You had all gathered together for an intimate cocktail dinner. The conversations were light and everyone around the table was in a relaxed state you rarely saw in them.

A long time back you had noticed Ben liked having some sort of contact with you. And when you started dating it was amped up. An arm around your shoulder or waist, his knees touching yours, his head on your shoulder, and most often a hand on your thigh.

So it wasn't unusual when his hand landed there. Your worry only began to grow when you felt it travel higher. You pressed your lips together as his index finger pressed against your clit. The others didn't seem to notice anything but you worried the sudden pounding in your heart was so loud it could be heard by the people in the next house.

He gently patted the inside of your thigh and legs moved apart enough to give his hand more room.

Without removing his attention away from the conversration Ben moved your underwear aside dipping his finger into your sopping core. He moved finger in and out torturously slow making sure to rub your clit as well only making you crave more.

"Oh god," you whispered breathelessly. The talking died down with eveyone turning to you.

Ben's hand slowed to a stop, "Anything the matter?"

You let out a nervous laugh, "Nothing just remembered I have a report I need to have done for work."

Picking up your drink and downing the rest of it you pushed away from the table making Ben retract his hand quickly, "We're leaving. Now."

~~~~~

You stared at the remaining mud covered dress now in tatters. 

"What happeped?" you asked in a strained whisper looking at the six year old before you.

Your son shrugged looking down at his feet, "I saw it on the bed. And when you wear it it looks so pretty. So, so-" his sniffles took over as tears began to spill from his eyes. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't know Frankie was gonna take it and I tried to to g-g-get it back! Then she ran outside and you told me not to go in the rain and I'm really really sorry! Don't be angry!" Your son's sobs had his shoulders shaking. 

"Evan, baby, It's alright. Everyone makes mistakes," you dropped the dress and pulled his shaking form to you trying to soothe his cries. 

Evan wiped his nose with the sleeve of his shirt, "Are you angry with me?" 

You sighed shaking your head, "I'm sad because it was my favorite. But I'll be fine. Just be more careful, ok?" You smiled down at him wiping down his tears.

Evan nodded vigorously still trying to calm down.

"Evan, where are you little bean? We gotta get ready," Ben called coming into your room. When he enter he assesed the scene his brows pulling together in worry. Then his eyes saw the dress, "What..."

Your eyes flitted to it for a second, "Don't worry about it." You thought back to all the memories one cut of yellow fabric held. The fun times, the heartache, the moment you realized Ben was who you wanted to go through life with you, all of it. But holding your child you knew you couldn't dwell on it. There were more memories to be made.

Ben kneeled next you giving you kiss. "You know I still have that hollywood money," he mumbled against your lips.

You giggled, "Are you ever going to let that go?" 

------

Requests are Open!

Taglist [Open]: @frostedsugarcookiemint

[todancealongthelightofday]

Well.

It's official. I’m off facebook. I had to. I can't continue to hurt myself obsessing over what you're doing and what people are saying about me. I can't be worried about every post I make and who may get upset or how much of my personal life I accidentally reveal. I'm struggling with myself to not give into the temptation of being petty. I want to show every single one of those girls you added this week all of the screenshots I have of you being the absolute worst. I want to tell your family that you never “went so hard” on me because I was “pulling some shit”. that never happened and you know it. You sit alone, bored, with a dry phone and so you decide to “miss me” and apologize and make all these promises that things will be different. The same promises that ive heard 1000 times already. Nothing was ever different. Just last night, when you accused me of so many things, you yourself were lying to me. Your snap count keeps going up, yet you yell at me that you're not talking to anyone and you'll delete snapchat. Why would it matter if you deleted it anyway? you just redownload it when I'm not around, just like you always have. Thats the thing. The trust is gone. You've used it up. You've taken every bit of trust I have and shattered it. I can't even go to my hometown anymore because I don't know who I can trust. Who you've poisoned. I know you're not telling anyone what really happened. I assume you're spinning a narrative along the lines of “she couldn't handle me being gone all the time and she was being a bitch so we broke up” instead of “I was unfaithful the entire relationship because I have a sex addiction, but I stopped wanting sex with her a long time ago. I also stopped loving her the way she craved to be loved. I stopped kissing her. I stopped calling her beautiful. I stopped enjoying her company on the couch for a lazy movie day. I stopped appreciating her as she held down the fort while I went away for work and flirted and partied and ignored her. While I was gone, she was at work or at home. She was paying bills and calling plumbers and yard workers, and getting estimates on fence work and painters and floor replacements. She was cooking and cleaning and caring for our dogs. She was allowing others to stay in the house because they fell on hard times. She was rehabbing baby animals and getting broken glass doors replaced. She was doing everything she could to bring light and happiness to everyone (and every animal) she could. And she was doing it all while being neglected. Doing it all for me while I was going out and disrespecting her and our commitment.” I know thats not what you're telling them, but thats the story id really like people to know. I want them to know that I cried myself to sleep every night that I would call you before bed, after not talking to you all day, and you “had nothing to say. I just worked all day. I'm tired. goodnight”. I would cry on the bathroom floor when you would come home after 3 months and never kiss me or hug me. just walk past me and ask “who's coming over tonight? lets cook!”. I would spend hours steaming floors and dusting fans and washing blankets and shampooing carpets and then I would shower and dress up and do my makeup and wear my best outfit down to the panties, and you would just come home, have people over, get sloppy drunk, and pass out, leaving me to host until everyone left, clean the mess that 10 drunk people and a bbq is bound to leave, then crawl into bed at 4 AM. Then I would get up at 6:30 to start the morning routine. Dogs out. Feed cats. Let dogs in and feed them. Feed the fish and the tortoise. Let the dogs out again. Switch the laundry, unload the dishwasher. You would just lay in bed all day. If you got up, it was probably 2 or 3 in the afternoon and you'd sit on the couch and watch tv while I did your laundry and whatever other things needed to be done that day. I would beg you to come with me for Tyson’s vet appointment, and of course you'd say no. I’d tell you my family was having a crawfish boil and you'd say you were too tired or “dont feel like being around people”. But thats not true, was it. You just didn't want to be around those people. You were always ready to go to bars and drink and ignore me. thats the people you like. the ones that don't know you and that assume you're single because you haven't touched me or kissed me or danced with me once all night. But oh... if Claire wants to dance or if a guy starts talking to Leah, you're on that shit. Cant let YOUR eye candy get taken by some guy at a bar. Yet I was forced to break a mans nose. I was forced to defend myself, because when he disrespected me, you where nowhere to be found. Probably watching some girl, too distracted to know that a man was trying to hurt me. But doing worry. I dealt with it. Im stronger than you think. I made it through all that. I made it through so many nights of hating myself and questioning what I did wrong and why I wasn't good enough. What I could do to be good enough for you. I didn't leave when you invited Linzy to sleep in your bed and stoped coming visit because she would be bored alone if you left. I didn't leave when your snapchat was all women that you would snap all day long and never save anything so I could never see it. I didn't leave when you fixated on the idea of Sadie showing her tits in new Orleans while I stood right in front of you. I also didn't leave when, that same night, you “jokingly” grabbed at her chest and when we went home, your phone “accidentally got left in the bathroom standing up in a strange place and took pictures of her in the shower”. I didn't leave. I stayed and I believed you because for a day or two after an incident you would love me again. you would kiss me and hug me and have sex with me. Then as soon as I believed you, it would stop and you'd go back to your fuck boy shit. You'd go back to “being so tired” that you couldn't call me before bed but you had time to talk to Claire and invite her to your hotel room. You couldn't be bothered to give me the attention I had been begging for, but you could find time to snapchat my sister and “dare her to flash you as a joke”. Or what about the time you “accidentally” sent her a snap of your dick in the shower?! I am so angry and so hurt. Honestly I don't even remember what the point of this post was. Its gone from having a purpose to the words jus falling out of my heart and into my keyboard. I know I made the right choice. I saw something earlier that said “Sometimes you have to break your heart to find your peace” and honestly that is what im doing. Im so hurt and so scared and I feel small and lost, but after typing all these things, I remember why I left you. I know these negative feelings will pass and my life will get back on track and ill be happy and I know that one day I will find a man that knows how to love. A man that knows how broken I am and the trauma that iv gone through and he just supports me and loves me the way I've always wanted. So im deleting facebook so that I am no longer hurt by all the lies you're spreading and all the women you're fucking. Im choosing to fix me. I am choosing to stand myself up and climb out of this rubble and keep moving forward. Im choosing to start putting myself back together so that when that man finds me, im ready to let him hold me. Also, sorry to anyone that gets stuck reading this. It is word vomit on a page and I apologize for my shit writing and rambling. I just kinda let myself type whatever came out. This is my life. this is me. Well. its at least the tip of the iceberg of the hot mess that is me. 

[comapill]

hi i havent posted personal shit on this blog since like. 2015 maybe so sorry im being gross but im just having a fucking time tonight

i dont even know what to say but i have so much sewage blocking every crevice of my brain it’s impossible to function

i feel like tumblr is dead enough so that no one i know will see this but if you know me irl i apologize, probably dont read the rest of this unless you feel compelled to read abt sexual trauma and me being utterly broken in every sense

anyway i was raped when i was 18 and i havent been a functioning human being since every day i wake up and i feel empty and soulless and i cant find joy in anything and if i do its very rare and very brief, i rely on nostalgia and the mask of intoxication to feel anything at all except for the gut-wrenching, eye gouging love i have for asher. if i hadnt met him last year i would probably be dead in a ditch no lie he is almost ethereal in the way that he navigates life and interactions and ideas and. everything, i love listening to him speak i love laughing with him he makes me so fucking happy i have no words to describe the emotions he invokes in me, maybe once trauma therapy actually does something for me ill be able to describe things more coherently but jesus christ on a fuckin cross i do not know what i would do without him. i feel guilty because i dont have the words to explain all that hes done for me but i hope that once i begin to be a person again ill plague the earth with praise of him.

every waking moment is a fucking task everything is grayed out blurred out i dont know how ive made it to nearly 21 years old

i wish i could be my complete self with no barriers, im such an advocate for true self expression and i feel like the worst hypocrite because im just this blob of self hatred and blame and wallowing in my own bullshit and im almost? to the point of breaking and doing whatever the fuck i feel but i know my ass will always revert to the safety i find in being in the background. when i was younger i was so creative and inspired and i didnt pay attention to the “no you cant do that”s and “that would be weird”s and now i feel so restricted and i cant help but blame myself for all of it.

back then i wanted someone, i craved affection to a disgusting extent, i put myself out there and i felt good about it because people wanted me. i showed you every fucking part of me and every fucking part you tore into and i hated it even if i didnt know what to think at the start i was so fucking young and i thought i was the world. i was 18, i was an adult or so i thought, and you ripped everything from me before i could even process that it was wrong, you didnt care if it hurt, you didnt have to stand in the shower wondering why you wouldnt stop bleeding, when would it end, it seemed like fucking hours, i laid in bed until the sun went down and just thought about it, and even then i didnt realize everything that you did. i went back to you a second time and im always scared because im not completely sure that that was the last time. id like to think it was, and im pretty sure it was the last time but i cant trust myself anymore was it really november did i really finish out my senior year like that did i really pretend like i liked it did i really fucking go back and moan just because i knew you liked it i just wanted to be wanted so badly you knew all of it you knew all about me and you didnt even buy me cigarettes you lying fuck you didnt buy me shit if i fucking saw your face in a crowd id pick it out and pick your eyes out your fucking head id rip your tongue out of your head with my toenails you despicable rotten soulless cokehead i hope youre fucking dead by now guess what your number is still in my fucking phone i hope youve been rotting just as i have i hope its worse for you but i know its not and thats what drives me fucking wild if i saw you id gnash my teeth into your jugular and beat your head into the ground with my hands gripping your greasy fuckin hair and just banging your head into the concrete past the point of unconsciousness past the point of death i wanna see your corpse decimated, pulverized beyond recognition

if you read this jesus fuckin christ on a goddamn cross sorry bout it

[heartsoftruth]

So i was watching a video neymar vs man united from 2017 in barca (yes i like to hurt myself) and him and marcus already talk about the weather (lol) and hug since that time? i didn't know? i need gifs from that time too wtf!! ugh i wish neymar was playing last night so i could have pics and gifs from him with pogbs and marcus at least :(((

HUH???? They talked about the weataaaah then as well? How do you know? The answer from Marcus at the time really was about the BRA x ENG match so not about Barça!

Which video did you watch of Ney x United? What was the name? I wanna check it out now too haha. I don’t even remember that game *hides*

But I LOOOOOOVED that photo of these two together

Anonymous said:I love that neymar and pogba (that time with mourinho) got a ban immediately for saying what they think, but others white players who does this all the time they just ignore........

Mourinho banned Paul on his own. No UEFA or Premier League big shot did. He did that bc he couldn’t stand criticism on his play style since Paul wanted United to play more attacking and Mourinho ended up banning him from talking to the press... *rolls eyes*

Neymar might get a ban bc of his criticism on refereeing decisions and that’s where every (what’s the English word) association (???) goes crazy about. When you criticize referees they mostly give you a ban or warning. I personally don’t see this particulaire case as racism. 

 Anonymous said:OMG, Ney´s stories. I swear if it's a message for Bruna... I can´t anymore with this soap opera

Naawhh. 

Anonymous said:I will feel bad for PSG when their best players leave but it‘s also kind of the official‘s fault. I would rather see Mbappé & Neymar at RM than have them, especially Neymar, waste their time playing for PSG. I want them both to achieve big things. And even though Mbappé doesn‘t see his age as a factor but him winning in a respected league with a traditional club at young age would be better for his career. I‘d be happy if they leave, even if this would mean seeing them play against Barça.Neymar needs to LEAVE this year. He already wasted some of his best years at PSG. And It's heartbreaking that this year and last year because of the damn injury he couldn't help his team when they needed him the most :(

The fact is that Kylian has the time and he did a smart thing by moving to PSG first, but to grow further of course with time he needs to leave. 

But Ney doesnt have the time anymore. The only time he has is the time to pack your shit and move back to SPain.

Anonymous said:ugh remontada feels.... and that post of ney on IG 😭😭 so many feels today!

Ney in blaugrana. Posting it himself 😭😭 

Anonymous said:you guys Bruna didn't delete account because of Neymar but because of all the abuse of thousands of people, not from just that night and the stories of her Neymar Anita etc but for all the situations and polemics she put herself for months.. she was getting some real hate and that day comments on her profile were bordering on abuse, calling her disgusting, ugly, jealous idiot, mimizeta, retarded feminist, slutty etc.. I dont like the girl but the people were gross.. thats why she deactivated

yeah that’s nasty, but I think that was also a reaction to her unfollowing Anitta.

Anonymous said:I think Bruna was more likely pissed that Neymar & Anitta got more attention then her, both was the #1 trending in in Brazil on Twitter that ☕️

HAHAHAHH They were both #1 TT?? Oh boy hahah. Go big or go home huh? haha

Anonymous said:so bruna couldn't stay out so many days of instagram.... looooool she came back, bc she needs attention ofc!

Instagram is a money maker. Especially looking at the followers she has! Never thought she would leave permanently.

Anonymous said:I'm so sick and tired of all this brumar stories 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄 It makes me feel... I don't know how to put this in words, it's like I'm tired of being a ney fan, I just want to give up, but I can't somehow 😣 I feel like why from all the players it's gotta be him my main focus. I need to focus on someone less controversial. It's like he's the only one who's always surrounded by this kind of media scandals, or maybe I'm not paying enough attention to the other ones. (1)Anonymous said:(2) Why he can't be, I don't know, more like messi for example? Or the others who just mind their business and are not always surrounded by drama? I can't anymore. I know that people are all different and stuff but it's so tiring, really. Sorry for my rant I just had to get this off my chest.

I mean it’s true. There’s always something about Neymar. Always. on the field off the field. Always. I would say never a dull moment, but I’m also kinda craving a dull moment. Just - other than him playing football and some after match quotes - no drama??? But I don’t think we ever had nor ever will in all honesty...

I mean in the summer transfer season will start so I presume a new story every day about him... Copa is starting in his own country. All eyes on him again.

No need to say sorry girl!

SORRY @ all for the late reply 

PS: My happy munchkin

[crapitskizaru]

Modern AU!X Drake trash part II cuz I want dinosaurs to inhabit our planet

Warning: some sad :( stuff and a sprinkle of ns- FILTH. Yes, I scrolled all the way down to one of my first posts to change this, so that my blog won’t get deleted “by accident” or, better, on purpose ((((((((: Cheers.

So here we are again

Cuz why not

Let’s talk about his interests for a good start

He’d like to own a lizard and he already knows everything about how to take care of it and stuff

But the caaats

And also the money

:/

I can totally picture him getting a car and going on a road trip by himself

He loves sightseeing, all the historical facts make him go *-*

He’s that guy who always pays attention to what the tour guide says

Idk oda said that he’d be Turkish but I picture him more of a British/Scottish person

Also, are u ready for my Ultimate Headcannon

like The One headcannon that i know foR SURE is true

its truer than than my whole life

check this out

his Scottish accent

fuck yes thank u okay lets go back

He probably couldn’t wait until he turns 18 and/or finishes high school to get away from his abusive family

Also, him being a single child sucked in this situation

But even when he was of age, he didn’t have the money to move

So he stayed until he got accepted for college far, far away from home

Got himself a college job also, so he won’t have to depend on his parents

Was probably super anxious to show up for work, cuz, people

But he learned to hide his anxiety and basically just fuck it

He doesn’t swear but I do and I didn’t know how else to put it xD

The fuck it all mentality

He switched to it halfway during college and everything was a bit easier for him suddenly

I can’t picture him asking questions during lectures, he probably just sat in the middle and scribbled notes

Doodled/read the textbook ahead when the lecture was boring

He had a lot of crushes and would totally send them anonymous letters like

“you are literally sparkling today. well, basically every day”

Or “ay you’re so smart I love you”

“I love your hair, i apologize but they really are magical”

Yeah so basically it got a little bit creepy but he just wanted to see the expressions on their faces when they read the notes

I picture him as bi? Yeah, I guess

And also demisexual

He’d be attracted to many people but would wanna settle only with those who he knew well and for a long time

But well, hadn’t met the right person yet

Since he’s not the partieehhh type

Sometimes he wishes he was more outgoing

But he knows he can’t change his nature

More often he just wants to be himself and wants someone to love him unconditionally

He craves physical contact so badly

Even if it’s stranger’s accidental touch in the cafeteria

Or just mere closeness of someone

Yeah he definitely has the days when he has no motivation to get up

But he somehow always does and God bless him for it

Talking about God

I can imagine Drake praying sometimes

When things get real rough and he wants to talk to someone besides his cats

But he doesn’t go to any religious places

His sarcasm is on the max level, u literally cannot get any more sarcastic than this man

But he’d only use it with someone who he knows for some time

Or to impress a cute potential partner c:

His height is a bit of a nuisance in everyday life

Like it was super hard for him to fit his legs under the desk in college

And he always was covering all of the view from someone sitting behind him

It got awkward but in a cute way

Talking about height

His freaking sex drive would be pretty damn high

But as I stated before, he doesn’t really have anyone to take it all on so he jerks off regularly

And also he does it to ease his nerves and everyday anxiety

He’d only watch soft porn, where it’s all lovely dovey <3

Gets turned on real fast by gentle, sensual sex and cheesy words

That’s how he’d be in bed too

No party/stranger sex cuz it’s just not his style

Either has no piercings at all or an ear piercing

Holy shit itd be so hot

Only few people remember about his birthday

No Facebook bday reminder cuz he deactivated his account long time ago

If his family ever sent him any wishes he’d either ignore it or coldly say thank you and just hung up

He likes treating himself to some bowling

Yeah he likes bowling

And I like u so much, ure apeeling af thank u for reading this mwah <3

Drakey would totally have Tumblr xD

Spotify, Netflix, YouTube, few games like Jurassic World: The Game or AbyssRium

Also, pinterest for memes or outfit ideas

And interior design ideas

SPEAKING OF JURASSIC WORLD

Hooooly shit he is hooked

Like freaking crazy about those movies

He prefers the old ones

But fangirled (fanboyed?idk) so hard about Jeff Goldblum when he appeared in the latest movies

Like screeching-quietly-in-the-cinema type of fangirling

aight this is getting too much for one post already

he always holds the door for people 

okay im ending this

he always puts the thing he’s using back to the place from where he picked it up

always

okaY THATS IT

mwah

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

INFP 4w5 back :) Thanks for answering things! I'm sorry I didn't give enough information to actually have you help me - I will do so now! I am 24. I love reading stories, both for the emotional connection to characters, and then fun of imagining myself in their adventures (I mainly read fiction). I am an artist and a writer - I do so because I enjoy expressing my views, experiences, and insights in beautiful/interesting/creative ways. I also love the act of creating in general - my mind is very

INFP cont: busy, and it helps me either slow that down or connect my brain to my body (I admittedly spend way more time in my head, but working with my hands and brain at the same time helps me feel connected to the outside world). 

So before I go on: this was a very long ask and I will therefore be ‘interrupting’ throughout in bold for my typing logic rather than rephrasing stuff down at the bottom.

Placing yourself in the story: that’s often the goal of stories anyway (and why self-insert is a whole thing) but it is consistent with Fi. Self-expression is something a lot of people like but it is particularly important to 4s. Brain-body connection as described here makes me think more Ne-Si axis but it’s hard for me to quite articulate why so...don’t quote me.

I like hanging out with my family and close friends - I hate being in crowds or in the spotlight. I find them overstimulating but also boring and I don't know what to do with body or what to say.

Pretty consistent for introverts who are intuitive (not just introverts who are intuitive but I’m going into this assuming it’s an INFP vs. INFJ thing unless I see blatant evidence for high Si or Se which so far I don’t.

I love being in nature - this is a new thing though, noticing nature for itself has only started happening since I was 20. I always liked the way it made me feel but didn't pay much attention to it in a sensory way until recent years. Now I love how peaceful and happy it makes me, how physically beautiful it is, but also all the ideas it generates in me - I think everything in nature is a symbol for something and it so fun trying to guess what those things are, or to make art out of things I find in the woods.

Could be either Ne-Si or Ni-Se for what it is; the age of onset is making me think tertiary sensing, plus the guessing the symbol rather than being more decisive makes me think Ne.

I also really love history and fantasy. History because I ideloize old ways of doing things (like gardening, pioneering, etc) ideal and exciting. I try to incorperate those things into my life and would like to be a homesteader or live in a bus one day, because it feels really free, and also I think connects us back to the way humans are meant to live.

Idolization of an idealized past is often weaker Si (nostalgia/sentimentality are often low Si things, contrary to popular belief that it’s higher Si. Seriously, talk to the average ESTJ, they have no nostalgia unless something changed drastically for the less efficient.)

I care a lot about people and social justice, but it tires me out, so I don't actually spend a lot of time engaging. I like listening to my friends and helping them sort out their feelings. I used to be really bad at DOING things for my friends, but I started to realize it was hurting them, so I am trying more and more to not just be a listening ear, but actively engage in their lives. I'm always torn between wanting to help people and make the world a better place, and just being free and doing what I want and find life giving.

At this point I’m already as you can tell leaning towards INFP much more. This also seems more INFP, with your Fi slowly realizing and maturing to a point where you are better able to care for others and meet them on their terms rather than your own.

I think A LOT, and I am very interested in understanding theories, concepets, anazlying people.

All intuitives like concepts, and while I dislike the assertion that introspection is the sole purview of introverts or intuitives, they definitely do it a lot.

Why I'm wondering if I might be an INFJ instead of an INfP? Mainly because two people I respect mentioned they thought I might be.

Yeah...without more than just “caring & empathetic” I wouldn’t put too much weight on it.

I had always thought I was just an INFP (MAYBE an ISFP, but I don't feel like a doer enough or in touch enough with the physical world - other then finding it super beautiful and day dreaming about it).

I’d agree, I’m really not getting much Se from your asks.

But they specifically thought my Fe seems very high - I am emotionally expressive, I care a lot for others, and I'm very sensitive to the emotional feel of people/places/situations.

So, sensitive to the emotional feel and emotional expressiveness are just feeler things. Without rephrasing the whole Fi/Fe post I always refer back to, I find that while high Fi users’ feelings tend to come from a more internalized place sometimes or are less typical in some of their reactions, they still are pretty emotionally expressive especially compared to your average thinker. There are a lot of very reserved IxFJs and very expressive IxFPs and the uneven stereotypes of constantly crying INFPs/IxFJs hiding their emotions for the sake of harmony hammer that point home.

I also tend to get hunches about situations and people, like what might happen or that I should/shouldn't do something, or about why someone is upset/happy, and am right pretty often (is that maybe dom Ni? with some Fe? or is that also Ne?)

Hunches can be anything; intuition is specifically preferring them over physical evidence (sensing is the opposite, so sensors often ignore their hunches if there’s evidence otherwise). Hard to tell because hunches are also related to thin slicing in neuroscience which is just a brain thing. Also this can be Si that you don’t realize is working - like, you’ve seen it before, but don’t consciously realize it.

I also wonder if my constant thinking and trying to figure things out (like obsessively trying to figure out my type) is Ti?

Eh, humans are curious and we all like to think. Ti is a specific approach to logic that for some reason got credit for way more (hint it was David Keirsey)

And I love talking about my feelings and am very comfy with it, which apparently lots of INFPs aren't?

Some aren’t, some are, see stuff above re: emotional expressiveness.

I also avoid conflict in public - I don't avoid it at all with my family, I avoid it moderately with good friends, and won't get into public debates. However, I will speak up in public if I think someone is doing something really wrong.

Could be enneagram 9 which is pretty common in Fi doms; it’s also just part of upbringing, that it’s not polite to start an argument in a lot of social situations, but okay with people you’re close with or if it’s something egregious.

I feel like I have a hard time expressing my opinions well verbally (Im fine writing), and it makes me afraid I won't say what I actually mean, and I also am afraid of the rage I feel in conflict and don't want to hurt others feelings by unleashing that.

W/r/t expression, that sort of conflicts with some of the emotional expressiveness you’d mentioned earlier, but either way tracks more with introversion than anything else. Fear of strong anger makes me wonder if you’ve enneatyped yourself correctly, though obviously I can’t tell if it’s your greatest fear. But I’d take a seriously look at 9 gut fixes.

I also don't like people trampling on my beliefs, so often just won't express them with those I'm not real close to. But I've read that high Fi users don't avoid conflict, and high Fe users do? And I am very willing to consider other people's points of view and MAYBE change my opinion, but thats pretty rare. I'm also a very empathetic listener - I think before speaking, ask good questions, and make noises to assure them im listening, which Ive also read is Fe. is that enough info?

Not liking people trampling on beliefs is pretty universal - even people who behave in an extreme doormat way usually don’t particularly like it deep down. For conflict avoidance see notes on enneagram 9. Openness to other points of view could come from Ne seeing different options, or Fi accepting other’s opinions as being able to coexist with your own usually; it’s also just a healthy adult thing to do regardless of type. Same goes for listening - those are all learned skills and so ask yourself if you did those when you were younger. I did mostly by the time I was 24 but I sure didn’t when I was 17, whereas people with higher feeling, and to some extent higher Fe more than Fi, tend to pick those up a bit more naturally and therefore earlier.

ah one last thing! I take a very long time to make descions - I want to make sure I'm doing/getting the best/right thing. which also seems not very INFP?

Not sure where you got that idea - indecisiveness until you know the optimum response is EXTREMELY INFP. Specifically Ne.

And I get very afraid of not having the idealized visions and dreams of the future I crave - I'm okay with the exact details being flushed out over time, but there are general dreams I will not give up. I've read thats more Ni then Ne?

It is but given the context of everything else, I think this can come from Fi if you see those dreams as identity, and ultimately everyone has goals and dreams.

Oh shit, thought of more things. I SUCK at finishing things - it takes crazy hard work for me to finish a project. I just get... bored and move on. Or procrastinate because other things are more interesting in the moment. But I'm also fairly academic and analytical - can INFP's be that? I find it very stimulating and when Im interested in a topic I want to learn EVERYTHING about it and understand it fully. And I hate when I have a mental problem that I can't solve. I will obsess.

INFPs can be analytical but it’s not your primary way of going about the world (nor is it for INFJs for that matter). Do you like it a lot in specific, lower-pressure contexts (say, academia)? That can be you exploring lower functions. It’s worth considering how you go about being analytical, and whether it seems more Te or Ti. The unsolved problem issue also depends on context, and learning everything can be Ne wanting all the information to fuel a very divergent thought process.

INFP 1,000: And I forgot the thing. I also orgionally started questioning because of my love for sensing things - I love physical beauty in home decor, nature, clothes, etc, and I love being in nature. When I was a teen and very stressed/unwell I overindulged in sensory things like sex/food/drinking/cutting, because it made me feel alive. In the same way now, engaging my senses in healthy ways makes me feel alive. But I do feel pretty crap at it. Which made me wonder if I had inferior Se.

OK so this isn’t directed at you but good lord does inferior Se get almost as much of a mythical out of proportion blow-out as dom Ni. A lot of inferior Se-credited unhealthy behaviors, while definitely present in dom Ni users, are also fairly universal. Namely, all the sensory things you mention will lead to endorphin rushes (hence the feeling alive - it’s brain chemistry) and all are pretty common coping mechanisms for depression, anxiety, or stress to the point that two of them are on the PHQ-9 depression screening. You would be hard pressed to find someone who’d never indulged in at least one under stress, and most people have indulged in several. This has been my PSA that typing based on inferior Se behaviors is a dangerous game for exactly that reason.

Anyway: overall, I see strong evidence for INFP and I’d look at enneagram 9 for some of the more conflict avoidant parts; perhaps more than 4 even though it could just be a strong 9 gut-fix as the second part of your tritype, and maybe a 5 head fix for the analytical stuff. Unless you have more details on the people who typed you INFJ I can’t really refute their arguments,but I see much more INFP for the reasons above.

[absolutelybifurious]

homecoming feelings inc (spoilers: most of them will look something like i love tony stark i LOVE tony stark i loVE TONY STARK I LOVE ad nauseum) 

peters video recording of civil war what an absolute babe

“thats not a hug im reaching for the door” (yeah right tony we all know you crave human contact)

why does peter know spanish?

peter taking time to pet the cat *_*

peter desperately looking for ways to help and giving that lady directions,,,, my son

“why did i mention the churro”

peter saving the cat and handing it back to the shop owner LIKE OH MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD I LOVE HIM 

michelle doing situps with her book

no one will convince me flash doesnt have a massive gay crush on peter parker yall, i mean cmon?? HE MAKES EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM CLASSIC CRUSH SIGNS,,, hes legitimately obsessed with him, like i’m not kidding i can’t remember the specifics but several times i was like ok this is just kinda coded like hes into peter actually?

“you’re here too” “am i?” truly the best scene in the film michelle is a gift and zendaya is our glorious goddess who has bestowed this wonder on us

god the van scene, i immediately loved donald glover but that could be bc hes cute. but the thing is, this movie did such a Job of making peter immature. like i was continuously frustrated with him bc he was so markedly different and less mature than any of the other heroes. he screwed up again and again and again and the kidness of him was so well done. like it infuriated me half the time. but damn it was well done

TONY INSTALLED A HEATER IN PETERS SUIT

TONY WAS PAYING SO MUCH ATTENTION TO PETER THAT HE NOTICED WHEN THINGS WENT POORLY

TONY LISTENED TO THE PROBABLY HUNDREDS OF REPORTS PETER SENT AND REMEMBERS THE FUCKING CHURRO

tony wants to talk to peter about his college plans

tony stark is the best dad ever, and really in general he is the best person ever and no one will ever tell me that there is a person with a better heart in the MCU BECAUSE THERE IS FUCKING NOT 

TONY STARK IS TOO GOOD FOR ALL OF US WE DO NOT DESERVE HIM

poor ned :( “that hats not working” i was really mad at peter for the way he kept ditching all hsi real life friends

kinda glad vulture killed that guy what a disrespectful douche

“i thought that was the anti gravity gun” “wHAT NO” hmMmMmMm I LOVE

also he treats his other ppl with a lot of respect and later the ppl still think they can leave and like, thats cool

michelle noticing what peters quit already

i have a hot date with black widow later

that is false

another long one: i didnt super buy peters crush on liz. it felt really faked because he never really made choices for her, and i get that he was more into spiderman but i never felt the significance of the crush... i think that was played over a little bit too much

also i dont think ive been this impressed with a villain in the marvel franchise since loki. vulture was so compellingly realistic. i know they tried that shit with whats his face from civil war but he was so irrelevant i didnt care. vulture was relevant, scary, but also emotionally compelling

fucking taser web

you jumped off the sign and landed on your face

i love karen

i read a post about tony coding an AI thats emotionally encouraging and invested in peters life bc tony is invested in peters life and like iw ant to die

i just dont want to celebrate something built by slaves

THE GUARDS LIKE PREACH

michelle is a gift

“kiss her peter”

“thank you”

donald glover I HAVE A NEPHEW YEEEEEEEEEE BOY GIVE ME MILES I DESERVE IT

the whole interrogation scene was golden,,,, “NEVER DO THAT AGAIN KAREN” 

you’re a criminal!!! you deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!!! bye!! criminal!! i love peter so much

TONY STARK CALLING TO TELL PETER WHAT A GOOD JOB HE DID IN DC TONY STARK BEING A SUPPORTIVE, GOOD PARENT AND WANTING TO MAKE SURE PETER KNOWS HE IS PAYING ATTENTION 

peter just keeps causing disaster after disaster 

that whole ferry scene had me cringing

but he tried so hard to help everyone!!

tonys anger after it was totally warranted. i dont blame him for taknig the suit. 

MY FAVORITE LINE: if you really cared you’d be here AND TONY MOTHERFUCKING STEPS OUT OF THE SUIT

and god rdj brings the fuCKING PAIN you can see how panicked he is how muc hhe doesnt want to hurt peter but how SCARED he is bc peter isnt listening to him and god!!! what if something happened to peter!! you can hear the self loathing and the pain that hes carrying from all the other movies all he wants to do is make sure nothing happens to peter or anyone else

tony listened to peter to try and stop the vulture, tony takes him seriously!!!!!!!!!!! tony is such a good dad and such a good person and HOLY SHIT!! TONY STARK!!!!!!!!!

hes hurting so much in that scene he doesnt wanna be like howard HE DROPPED EVERYTHING TO GO HELP PETER IM UNDONE

also look how well peter got back on track after he lost the suit

still ??? at the liz scene tho?? i just didnt feel that relationship much at all, there wasnt anything there

PLOT TWIST PLOT TWIST PLOT TWIST 

MMMM THATS SOME GOOOOOOD SHIT 

and once again vulture is incredibly compelling bc that brings a whole new context to why his face changed re: dc and why he didnt try to kill peter on the ferry

michelle doing the casual flip-off, god i love her so much??

holy shit peter in the wreckage, tom holland go off that acting tore my heart in half AND THEN HE REMEMEBRED TONY WORDS

CMON SPIDERMAN I AM SOBBING

FLASH ASKING DO YOU REALLY KNOW PETER PARKER HES IN LOVE

vultures desperation in this final scene is,,,wow, you fucking feel it, it makes sense. hes such a compelling villain.

peter saving vulture what a fucking babe

liz really is a sweet girl i wish i’d believed the crush more bc she deserves all the love

my friends call me mj YISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS gimme that michelle/peter RN

michelle acting like she doesnt care and then THAT LOOK THAT LOOOOK OMG ZENDAYA KILLED ME HOW DID SHE CONVEY SO MUCH ACTUAL LOVE AND COMPASSION AND CRUSH 101 IN A 2 SECOND CLIP YALL

happy in the bathroom. goodbye to me.

can we talk about tony? being so ecstatic that peter did all this? tony saying thatw as the tough love moment you needed and being so convinced that it wasnt and so convinced by his own acting that he could never actulally ahve inspired anything like that so hes just going to blaze ahead and not even acknowledge that yes!! it was actually!!!!!!!! he was a great father figurei n that moment and in this whole movie 

but he doesn’t believe that so he’s just going to keep being sarcastic to cover up for the fact that he doesnt think any of this had almost anything to do with him and everthing to do with peter

bc he has no concept of his own self-worth and yet to contrast that he directly inflates it and is so used to ppl disregarding it and accusing him of having an ego that even in this moment when he does something really amazing he makes it about his fake-ass ego and doesn’t let anyone actually give him credit for anything bc he is too busy giving himself fake-credit that he uses as an excuse in every other scene to call himself a piece of shit,,, that other ppl use to call him that bc ppl cant see through it bc he doesnt actually WANT anyone looking too closely, and yet, in this scene, he seems to be using it to exempt peter from actually acknowledging what he did was good bc hahaha im a self-congratulatory egomaniac

anyway hahahaha i love tony stark

also he is sad, he wants peter to stay with him, but he lets it go bc he recognizes it was the mature choice (and probably not the one he’d ahve made) 

hes so proud of peter i want to die

PEPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE RING!!

they’re both so confused about happy and the ring i love it

PEPPER!!!!!!!!! THEY’RE BACK!!!!!!!!! THANK FUCKING JESUS BC IF SOMEONE DIDNT LOVE TONY STARK IN THIS DARK TIME THEN IW OULD HAVE FOUND A WAY TO BREAK INTO THIS FICTIONAL REALM AND DO IT MYSELF

that little kiss was everything she lvoes him i love them

ugh

this movie was gr8 a++++

i love my son tony stark and his son peter parker and his future wife michelle

[foreverwishingiwasgrunge]

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