#that people are upset to get stuck with in that gallery. so win=win

[dogsplayingpoker]

ok at my school graduating seniors all have to submit a piece to the show for graduating seniors and i think for mine i want to make like. several little beds with little Dreamers in them and the idea is that a viewer is encouraged to take a Dreamer from their bed and show them around the show, show them the other pieces and then tuck them back in........but i wonder if people would actually want to do that and how to necessarily make that Look Good enough that it's still a Good Art Piece for people who don't interact with it (or hypothetically Can't in a scenario where every single Dreamer was being shown around). Does anyone. have opinions about this would you like to show a little puppet or stuffed animal around an art gallery

[can-youimagine]

Season of Scandal (Benedict Bridgerton x Reader)

Summary: There are few people you hate more in life than Benedict Bridgerton, unfortunately, it seems as though you'll have to get used to him

TW: Female reader, period typical misogyny, suggestive, enemies to lovers

Word Count: 2273

A/N: Let me know if you want a part 2!

Masterlist

Dearest Reader,

The start of a new season is always something to celebrate. Those of lower morals will be placing bets on who will marry whom. If this writer were a betting woman, she would wager that Mr. Benedict Bridgerton will end the season with yet another broken proposal, while Ms. (Y/N) (L/N) will finally take a caller. I have always bet on the long-shot, and Ms. (L/N) is no exception.

Yes, Reader, I can assure you that this season will indeed be something to watch. But, rest assured, I will be the first to inform you if you win or lose your wagers. 

~Lady Whistledown

“Oh, Benedict, have you seen the new Whistledown?” Eloise yells, bounding down the steps with the pamphlet in her hand.

“I take it you have,” he mumbles with an amused smile, “and I have no doubt you will tell me about it.”

Thrusting the paper in his face, she explains, “She wrote about you. It seems she, like the rest of us, believes that you will never be married.”

He shrugs. “It is not my fault Ms. Pierceton received a proposal from a man with a larger wallet.”

“How come when you have a marriage fall through, it is perfectly normal, but when it happens to me, I’m one step away from becoming a spinster!”

He half listens to her rant as he stares at his sketchbook. He hopes he appears rather unphased by the whole article, though that is far from the truth. He’s not bothered by being a bachelor. What he is bothered by is being mentioned in the same sentence as you, implying that he is just as unmarriable as you. His lack of marriage has nothing to do with his own faults, while yours is because you are so stuck up and overall unlikeable. He has had plenty of women wish to marry him. You have never had two dances with the same man.

You roll your eyes as you read the article. Of course, you would be deemed as unmarriable as that pompous fool. Every conversation you have attempted with the man has ended with a foot stomp and heel turn by one or both of you. 

Crumpling up the paper, you toss it as far from you as possible. Trying not to let the article affect you, you call your maid in to help you dress for the art show today. Your mother has not stopped talking about it, and Lord help you if you cause her to miss it just because you are upset about a gossip column. 

Your arm is linked with hers as you walk into the gallery. The building is full of people. Women try to spend enough of their husband’s money to prove their status, and artists are eager to help them. Your mother immediately spots a group of women she knows, leading both of you over to them. They drone on about the art and artists, as the topic changes to the upcoming social season, you excuse yourself to look at the art. There are very few things you would like to discuss less than the social season.

The building is open enough that you do not need a chaperone; your mother can see you from where she is, if she bothers to look for you. 

You focus on a painting of a building. The dark sky beautifully contrasts the warmness of the building. Light seems to pour out of it, drawing you in.

“You know,” the all too familiar voice of Benedict Bridgerton starts, “this is one of my favorites.”

The painting immediately turns sour for you. “I can’t imagine why.”

He smirks. “You must have a sixth sense.”

“What do you mean?”

He takes a step closer, almost too close to be appropriate, but not quite inappropriate. You can feel the heat radiating off of him. “You have never been able to compliment me, even when you do not know that I am the one who deserves it.”

“What are you saying, Mr. Bridgerton?”

“I am the artist of this painting.”

“No wonder it is so hideous,” you lie.

He chuckles. “Are you saying you have no interest in it?”

“I’m saying I have no interest in you or anything you create.” You move to leave, but it seems your mother has perfect timing and approaches the two of you before you have the chance.

“Oh, (Y/N), what a lovely painting! Don’t you agree, Mr. Bridgerton?”

He wears a stupidly smug grin as he answers, “Well, I would have to, Lady (L/N), I am quite familiar with the artist. I would say this is one of his best works.”

His grin only gets wider as your mother makes a deal to buy the painting and calls him “such a talented young man.” Your mother, like every other mother in the Ton had heard the news that Mr. Bridgerton was eligible for yet another season. She was not going to waste the opportunity to set you up with him. “I am so sorry to hear about your engagement, Mr. Bridgerton.”

He offers a strained laugh. “Thank you. Though, I imagine this might be a blessing in disguise.”

“Of course,” she agrees. “I’m sure you have a much better idea of what you want now. That is what (Y/N) says after turning down a proposal. She believes that each courtship has shown her what she would prefer. You would think by now someone would have met her standards,” she laughs.

He gives you a smirk before turning back to your mother. “That certainly is one way to look at it.”

She looks like she is going to embarrass you further, so you grab her arm, urging her home. She sighs. “I do hope you will be at Lady Danbury's ball tomorrow evening.”

“I wouldn’t miss it,” he promises. “Take care Lady (L/N).” As he leaves, your mother turns to you, giving you a glare that tells you you will behave yourself at the ball, or you will most definitely face the wrath of God.

Benedict would rather be anywhere else than here. He contemplates taking the carriage back to his house, letting the others figure their own ways back as penance for bringing him here in the first place, but the whining he would hear from Eliose would not be worth it. 

Your dress is so tight that you feel as though you can barely breathe. Your mother insisted that you get a new one. After all, one cannot wear a dress to multiple balls. You have to admit, it is a lovely dress. It is so lovely, in fact, that Benedict Bridgerton himself glances in your direction. At the moment, it seems like more of a punishment than a reward. 

Benedict watches you as you walk in, taken aback by you. The dress looks remarkable on you, he thinks. Though, he placates the thought by assuring himself that the dress is so lovely that it would make a horse look like a princess. It only makes you look like a duchess.

As the night continues, you find yourself becoming more and more fatigued. You need a moment to yourself. What you really need is to get out of this dress, but you know you will be stuck in this particular cage until the end of the night. Managing to sneak away from your mother for a moment, you head into the garden. The cool air does wonders to distract you from your evening.

“Of course,” a voice groans. Of course, he is here. Where else would Benedict Bridgerton be than the last place you want him?

“I am not here for you,” you say, leaning against the side of the building. The dress is certainly taking its toll on you. You slide down, the rough exterior of the building creating tears in your dress.

He drones on about something, no doubt a quip about your improperness, but you can’t focus on him. 

“Ms. (L/N)?” he calls. You feel his arms around you, and you slump against him. “Ms. (L/N)?” You want to answer. You want to tell him to get off of you, but you don’t have the strength. His hand slides under your corset. You want to scream, but the relief is too good. He loosens the ties just enough to all you need to breathe again.

Leaning against Mr. Bridgerton, you start to catch your breath. His hand is still on your back, though now it is keeping your dress in place. “Ms. (L/N), are you alright?”

“I think so.” You look up at him. His eyes are not cold and cruel as they normally are when he looks at you. Instead, they’re filled with concern. Your heart swells with the knowledge that that concern is for you.

“I’m sorry,” he stammers out. “I didn’t mean to take-my sisters always complain they can’t breathe in their dresses. At her first ball, Francesca almost-and I didn’t want you to-”

You give him a soft smile. “Thank you. It’s just what I needed.”

“Are you okay? Can I?” He gestures vaguely at your dress.

“Please, just a little looser.”

Nodding, he gets to work. His fingers shake as he starts to relace your corset. He’s not sure what happened to him. No one wants to see someone pass out, but Benedict thinks, a normal person would have called your mother over to help you rather than undress you in public. 

“Thank you,” you whisper.

Dearest Reader,

Well, well, well. I know that you expect to hear all about the latest scandals from me, but it appears that not even I know what truly happened at the Danbry ball last night. It appears that there is a rumor of some rather improper conduct between some of our favorites. I dare not publish their names and cause more trouble than just this rumor will.

I promise you, Reader, that once we have more than a rumor, I will be the first to tell you all about it

~Lady Whistledown

Benedict’s heart beats through his chest. No one should have seen you, and if they had, surely they would have realized that nothing had happened.

“Oh, who do you think it is?” Eliose asks. “What do you think happened? Did you see anything?”

“Do you have nothing better to do?” he snaps.

She shrinks before leaving the room. If he weren’t so preoccupied, he would have apologized or at least felt bad. He knows what he has to do. He’s never hated being a gentleman more.

“(Y/N),” your mother calls. “You have a caller.”

You panic. You were stressed enough about the Whistledown article, and now you have to act like a person in front of someone you barely know as you try to figure out a way out of this. Walking down the stairs feels like a death march, and when you see who’s waiting for you.

“Mr. Bridgerton,” you greet.

He smiles, uttering a quick an awkward greeting. It seems as if he knows what needs to be done and is just as much a fan of it as you are. He puts on a nice show, winning your mother over, who will no doubt tell your father all about the wonderful man who wants to marry you and how you seem more than excited for his proposal. You have to be. What choice do you have?

“Thank you for a lovely afternoon, Lady (L/N), Ms. (L/N),” Mr. Bridgerton says, “but I’m afraid I must be going.” 

“Oh, of course,” your mother gushes. “It was absolutely lovely to see you. I hope we will see you this weekend.” 

“Actually, I had hoped to invite you to the ball at Aubrey Hall,” he explains. “I know it is quite a journey, but I hope it will be well worth it.”

Your mother eagerly accepts, completely forgetting about the Waterson ball. The next week is a blur of dresses and visits from Mr. Bridgerton in preparation for the ball. Luckily, Lady Whistledown has not published another article about the Danbry ball. That doesn’t fill you with much comfort. If anyone says anything at the ball, you’ll be trapped with your shame. God, you wish the entire season could just be over.

When you get to Aubrey Hall, the place is so full of people that no one notices you and Benedict sneaking away.

“I’m sorry, about all of this,” he says as soon as the door closes. “My personal feelings about you aside, I would never want to tarnish your name, and I intend to make it right. You will end this season with a proposal.”

“I don’t want a proposal!” you exclaim. “I don’t want to marry you!”

Before he can compose himself, his face falls. He hadn’t really wanted to marry you. Why would he? But, if he didn’t want to marry you, why is he so upset? “I am doing this for you! I cannot be responsible for ruining you.”

“If you’re going to ruin me, then do it.” Your eyes are dark, jaw clenched. He doesn’t know what comes over him as he grabs your arm, pulling you into him.

“Don’t tempt me.”

Your voice grows soft. “Ruin me, Benedict.”

He swallows, cursing himself as he finds some composure. “I am going to ask you to marry me by the end of the week. I am going to marry you by the end of the season, and then, I am going to ruin you, before anyone else has the chance.”

[nooneelsecomesclose17]

Go to the ends of the earth for you - Part 3

One more part after this...at least that's the plan. Hopefully this week! I decided to fix a bit more of the current Emmerdale that I don't like ;)

(AO3 link)

“What the hell were you thinking?” He barely lets Robert say hello, he’s so angry. It’s taken two days for him to call and he’s been both going out of his mind with worry and angry at him for telling him the wrong date.

“Still mad then.”

“Did you think I wouldn’t be? Why Robert?” He sits at the kitchen table, resting his head on his hand. He’d come to bring his stuff to the house before going out to buy anything else he’d need. The social worker was expected sometime during the week and he wanted everything to be just right.

“Because you couldn’t do anything, and it was Seb’s birthday.”

“That’s not…I wanted to be there. You knew that. You know I hate it when you think you know what’s best for me. You were on your own.”

“You would’ve been too, in the gallery. How would that be any better. This way I knew you were with Seb, you were having fun and so was he. That’s why I did it, and if that’s me knowing what’s best then I’m not sorry.” He was right, he knew that, he couldn’t have done anything from the gallery, but even so he’d wanted to be there, so they could at least see each other.

“I hate you some times.”

“Nah, my charm wins through every time.”

“So you say. Don’t do anything like that again. Promise me, don’t shut me out.”

“I promise.” It’s barely a whisper. “Any regrets?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that? You don’t have to deal with my family where you are.”

“I should be thankful for small mercies I suppose. I mean it though, do you regret it?”

“No. It’s going to be hard I know, but after this we can be together, a family and then we can go wherever we please with no one looking for us. You can get through this Robert, I know you can.”

“I’m not as strong as you.”

“Yes you are. I know you don’t think it, but you are. You’ve got me through the hardest time in my life, you couldn’t do that if you weren’t strong Robert, and I’m going to be here, I’ll visit every second I can, be by the phone whenever you call.”

“Ok.” He’s quiet and all he can hear is the noise in the background, the everyday sounds of prison and he hates it, hates that Robert’s stuck there and there’s not a thing he can do about it. “I have to go.”

“Yeah. I love you.”

“Love you too.” He can’t let go of the phone even when Robert’s hung up. It was already much harder than he’d expected and it wasn’t even a month without him. He had no idea how he’d last a year.

————

“Well Mr Dingle, this all looks very nice. I see no problems at all and it shouldn’t be long at all before Sebastian can come home.” He’s so nervous he barely hears the social worker speak as she wanders round the house. It’s still so bare looking, aside from some of Seb’s toys left the last time he’d visited.

He’d thought of going to Mill and see if Liv had kept the stuff they’d left behind, but then he reasoned it had been a year, they’d likely have been chucked out long before and as he didn’t want to see her or the house he’d left it. He’d have to go shopping, something else he didn’t look forward to.

“Er, thank you. So, um, do you know how long it might be?”

“Officially a week but I really have no objection at all if he were to stay here from now on.” He wants to laugh with relief. Finally something seemed to be going right. “You have all the childcare arrangements sorted so I see no reason to keep you apart any longer.”

“Thank you so much. You have no idea what this means.”

“Oh I think I do. Anyway, you can expect a call to confirm everything but, enjoy having your son back with you.”

He feels like he’s floating on air as he sees her out, as he walks up to Vic’s and he can’t wait to tell Robert that everything is sorted out. All he has to do now is talk to Seb, to try and explain why he’s going to another new house.

He’s helping Vic in the kitchen when he gets to Keepers and she can immediately tell by the look on his face and he gets a blinding smile in return.

“Dada I’m making cake!”

“I can see. When you’re done can me and you have a little chat?” Seb nods even though Aaron’s not entirely sure he understands but he’s content enough to sit and watch him and Vic for a while.

When they’re finished he sits the little boy on the sofa and he crouches in front of him, Vic’s supportive smile helping him work out exactly what to say.

“So, you know how you’ve been living with Auntie Vic while me and Daddy were away?” He gets a little nod. “Well now we’re back, we thought perhaps you’d like to come and live with me in my new house.”

“And Daddy?”

“Well Daddy has to stay away a little bit longer, but when he comes home then yes. What do you say?”

“I still play with Harry?”

“Yes mate, all the time and you’ll still see Auntie Vic loads and loads.”

“Of course you will, I need my little chef helper don’t I?” Vic sits beside him on the sofa, exchanging a glance with Aaron. Seb seemed to be thinking everything over, and he was a little nervous he was going to say no. “What do you think?”

“And Daddy’s coming?”

“As soon as he can, promise. He calls me too, not for long, but maybe you can talk to him sometimes eh?”

“Ok.”

“Yeah? That’s great.” He looks over to Vic once more, surprised to see her looking a little upset. “Hey mate, why don’t you go upstairs and sort out a few toys to take with us, while I talk to Auntie Vic.” When he’s gone Aaron sits beside her. “Sorry, I’m taking him from you aren’t I?”

“Don’t be silly. I’m just being daft.”

“No you’re not. Do you want to wait, we can leave it a few days.”

“No. He’s yours Aaron, yours and Robert’s. He should be with you. How are you anyway, you never say much.”

“I’m just…getting along, sitting by the phone every night, wondering if we made the right decision. Coming back here, it’s…a lot harder than I thought it would be.”

“Have you spoken to Paddy yet?” He looks at her in surprise, he didn’t know she knew what had happened. “Robert told me, made sure I looked out for you. Told me to do what I could to keep Paddy away. But, maybe you should talk, not to make it all ok again, but to stop yourself feeling like this, like you shouldn’t be here. This is your home Aaron, yours and Robert’s and nobody should make you feel like that.”

“I don’t know. I think he’s avoiding me and I kinda want to keep it that way right now.” She nods but doesn’t look convinced. Anything she’s going to say is cut off by a thump from upstairs. “I think I better get up there in case he’s trying to pack the furniture or something.”

————

It’s his first day back at the garage after taking a couple off to settle Seb in at home, and it’s just him and Cain. He prefers it that way, Cain is just as content as him to work in near silence, unlike Dan who insists on inane chatter all day. With Cain he can just get on with his job and the quicker he does the quicker he can get Seb from Vic’s and take him home.

In the few days he’s been back with him he’s felt lighter than he has since they came back, the little boy managing to lift his mood no matter what. He’s full of questions, about Robert, about where they were and all sorts and Aaron loves telling him everything he can about his Daddy Robert and their house in France.

The shouting makes him stop and look up, seeing Jimmy and Nicola having a full on row in the street. He’d heard rumours that things weren’t good between them but he’d thought it was just that, village gossip.

“What’s going on there?”

“According to Charity, Nicola’s going to hand over half the haulage to her and Jimmy knew nowt about it.”

“What? Why on earth would she do that?”

“Who am I, Pearl?”

“Can I take my break now?” He was worried, about Jimmy, about the business. Robert still had his shares and if things were that bad then he felt he ought to keep an eye on it.

“If all you’re going to do is gossip then you may as well.” He grins as he takes off his overalls, heading in the direction he’d seen Jimmy go. He finds him sitting on a swing in the playground.

“You alright?”

“How did you deal with Robert doing stuff behind your back? When he took no notice of what you said?”

“Shouting mostly. Is this about the haulage firm? Cain told me.”

“Charity of all people! I can’t work with her!”

“You said that about Robert once, remember?” He vividly remembered the ranting in the portacabin when Charity handed her share over. “Is this really about Charity?”

“The police charged me, Juliette is trying to take my son away and all the time Nicola’s going behind my back with Charity!”

“She hasn’t actually signed anything yet has she?”

“No…well I don’t think so but then she doesn’t tell me anything these days.”

“Can you get her to hold off for a couple of days?”

“Why?”

“Because me and Robert would be a better option than Charity.” He hadn’t even given it a thought, but seeing how distressed Jimmy was, the idea had popped into his brain. They had the money, they still had most of the proceeds from the sale of the scrapyard. He’d need to talk to Robert though. “I’m seeing him tomorrow, I could talk to him.”

“You want to buy us out?”

“Well, no. Not completely, but Robert’s still a partner so it makes sense. You wouldn’t have to deal with Charity and to be honest it’d be a bit more income for me and Robert until we know what we’re going to do. It’s up to you.”

“I need to talk to Nico.”

“Of course, and I need to talk to Robert. I’m serious though Jimmy.”

“Well, thanks.”

“You know Nicola and Robert are pretty similar aren’t they? For all I used to be mad at him when he did this kind of thing, it was usually for good reason, for us. Is that the case with Nicola? Does Charity taking over mean you’ll have money to fight for Carl? To get you a decent lawyer?” Jimmy doesn’t say anything but Aaron can tell he’s got through to him. “For everything Robert did, scamming Kim, Joe, hitting Lee, he did it for someone, to protect Vic, to try and get us money for our surrogacy. Not that you shouldn’t be angry, but if it was for good reason then maybe you can find a way to forgive her. The two of you belong together Jimmy, you know that. Don’t throw it all away.”

“I thought we did.”

“Here.” He reaches into his pocket, handing him his house key. “Go to mine, calm down. Stay as long as you like and then go and talk to her. If you need to send the kids over and they can help me keep Seb occupied when I get him from Vic’s. Don’t fight in front of them.”

“You don’t need to do this.”

“It’s what Robert would do and you know it. He’s not here so…” He shrugs, he’s not used to having heart to hearts with people, but he knows Jimmy’s been a good friend to Robert and that he’d want him to help.

“Is he getting on ok…I mean…”

“As well as he can. You know, I think he’d really like to see you, see someone other than me.”

“I doubt that.”

“I’ll ask him tonight and then we can talk tomorrow. If we do this he’ll want to talk to you anyway and he might be more help than me, the business, Carl…the police.”

“You’d give up a visit for me?”

“I’m not saying I won’t miss him, but yeah, if it’ll help. You and Nicola were two of the few people who didn’t treat him differently after…who haven’t tried to tell us what to do. You’re his friend, and if he can help then he’ll want to. Like I say, go back to mine, have a cuppa and calm down. It’ll help.”

Jimmy just nods and he watches him go, staying on the swing for a little bit longer, enjoying the sunshine even if it was still cold.

He’s just about ready to go back to work when he hears footsteps and he sighs when he looks up he finds Paddy standing there.

“I’m busy.” He gets up and starts walking away.

“You don’t look it. I thought you would’ve been over to see us by now.” That makes him stop, turning back and just staring at Paddy.

“You’re joking, right?”

“No. You have a baby sister Aaron.”

“Which no one told me about.”

“We couldn’t just pop in. We didn’t know where you were.”

“I had my phone and when I ditched that Cain knew how to contact us. I text Mum at Christmas and got no reply. You obviously didn’t try that hard.”

“Why do you always have to make things so difficult. You broke your Mum’s heart leaving like that. You’re not a teenager anymore Aaron, running off because you can’t get your own way all the time.”

“My own way? What part of this is me getting my own way? Can you even hear yourself.”

“Aaron…”

“No. You wanted to talk so you’re going to listen. All I wanted was the support of my parents, for them to understand that I couldn’t let my husband go, that it would break me if I did. I thought they would understand that. I can’t believe how wrong I was.”

“Now wait a minute, it wasn’t like that.”

“No? What was it like then? First Mum, using the baby as emotional blackmail to stop me leaving, and you know what I got that, I really did, after everything with Grace I understood. But you, I won’t ever understand what you did.”

“It was for your own good.”

“What was? Locking me in my own home?” Paddy just opens his mouth. “Because it wasn’t just that. That house, that was the one place, the only place I have ever really felt safe. It took me until I was twenty five to have a place where I didn’t have to hide or I didn’t feel like I had to be ready to run, and you know who gave me that? Robert. The man you seem to hate so much. He made me feel safe, he made me a home. You took that and you ruined it.” He starts to walk away but he stops. “And you know what’s worse? According to you, he’s the bad guy. You should look in the mirror.”

This time he does walk away, head down, hands stuffed in his pockets. He waves at Cain, a quick nod of the head in Paddy’s direction tells him everything and Cain nods back. There’s only one thing that will calm him down right now and it’s not work.

“Aaron! Wait. You can’t just walk off like that. You’re not even letting me explain.”

“Because there isn’t anything you can say to make this better. I told you I wouldn’t forgive you but you went ahead anyway. There’s no excuse for locking me in, none at all.” He sighs. “I will always be grateful to you for being there when I came out, when I…” His eyes flick to the garage, memories swirling around, “But that doesn’t give you the excuse to treat me like you did. I’m not that kid anymore. Just stay away from us.”

He doesn’t stop this time, not when he tries to grab his arm, not when he calls his name, he just carries on walking until he reaches Vic’s, letting himself in, resting against the door when he’s closed it, letting the sounds of Seb and Harry playing in the living room calm him down.

————

“You want to buy them out?”

“It was just an idea.”

“Aaron…last week you were talking about moving away.” Robert looks and sounds exhausted and he hates how he’s adding more stress but the more he thinks about it the more the idea is a good one.

“There’s nothing stopping us doing that. You didn’t see him Rob, I’ve never seen Jimmy looking like that, like there was nothing left to hope for. They’re our friends.”

“I know but…”

“I’m still happy to move, but you’re here for months yet, and then on licence so we can’t go anywhere right away. I’m not exactly making fistfuls of money at the garage. This way we get a little more coming in, and when you get out you have a job. That’ll look good for you.”

“Ok. So, say we do this, what if we want to move away in the future, what do we do for money?”

“I’ve been thinking about that too.”

“Of course you have.” There’s something in his voice. “I feel like everything is moving on without me.”

“It’s not, I swear. I’m still here, I’m just waiting for the day you come home you know that, but our friends need our help. Look, just talk to Jimmy, the two of you know more about this than me, but would you really subject them to Charity?” Robert chuckles at that and he takes his hand. “I said he could visit, you can work it all out.”

“You don’t want to visit?”

“No. That’s not what I said. Of course I do, but, and don’t take this the wrong way, but he’s feeling really guilty about Paul, although goodness knows why from what I heard. I just thought that you could probably help him with that more than me.”

“What do you mean?” He frowns at him and pulls his hands away. “Katie?”

“No! I was talking about Max. You told me how guilty you felt, even though there wasn’t anything you could’ve done to get him out. I think Jimmy’s feeling like that. One visit, and you can bet I’ll be counting down the days until the next one.”

“Hmm, ok. You remember me talking about Max?”

“Of course I do.”

“You know, I think he was the first real mate I had in the village, someone I knew I could rely on. We were leaving together. He hated the village as much as I did.”

“Ever wonder what would’ve happened if the crash hadn’t happened, if you’d gone with him? Reckon you would ever have come home?”

“I don’t know. We’d both had enough of our families, maybe if I’d had him I would’ve made different choices…but if I hadn’t then I wouldn’t have met you would I?”

“Nah, we would’ve found each other.”

“Oh God, I go to prison for five minutes and here you are believing in fate. Who are you and what have you done with my husband?”

“Shut up!”

“Right go on then, this grand idea of yours of what we do for money.”

“I’ll sell my half of Mill.”

“What?

“I told you before, it’s not our house anymore. I wouldn’t feel comfortable there any more you know that so it seems stupid to hold onto it.”

“But selling half a house, that’s not easy. Who’s going to buy it? Liv can’t afford it.”

“I don’t know…Cain, maybe Debbie. Even Charity when we do her out of the haulage yard. I honestly don’t care. I’d never take it from Liv but I have no need to hold onto our share if we can use it for something else.”

“She’s going to hate it.”

“Yeah. When she stops avoiding me I’ll try and talk to her, warn her, but the longer I spend in the village, the more I feel like it’s not the right place for us anymore. As soon as we can I want to get out of there.” Robert nods, he knows he feels the same. “But whatever happens, we’ll decide it together. Me and you, no one else, not any more.”

“We’re going to get through this, aren’t we?”

“Course we are.”

[yukippe]

soft as she is

for @pjofemslashweek day 1: firsts (first heartbreak, first love, first kiss) | read on ao3 | word count: 7.4k

chapter one

  the war is coming. that’s the whisper coming from everyone’s mouth. drew hears it in every one of her siblings' sighs, she hears it at all the tables at meals, she sees in it chiron’s always tired face. 

  years ago, before the fall of the labyrinth or the revival of thalia grace or even the claiming of percy jackson - drew used to use charmspeak for fun. she’d convince her friends to go on the tallest roller coaster with her, or get her dad to take her shopping, or get off scot free when prank calling someone. when she tried to convince the world to get her a visit with her mother her voice ran dry. aphrodite didn’t even bother to visit her dreams and her charmspeak didn’t work for months. drew doesn’t use charmspeak much anymore, no matter what others say. 

  silena’s had her practicing everyday. silena is the only sibling older than drew in camp. and silena wants them to fight in the war. when drew and silena were the youngest in cabin 10 they’d stuck together, though now drew can’t remember what it was like to know all of her sister’s secrets. but, silena had whispered that her charmspeak could be more when they were little. now, silena is doing her best to make it so. 

  silena believes they can win the war that ends on percy jackson’s birthday. drew doesn’t have her faith, but she can fight by her sister if that’s what silena needs. she thinks of charles beckendorf and how silena refuses to hear anything on breaking up with him - and drew thinks of katie gardner in cabin four who never remembers to touch up her chipping nail polish. if drew’s only big sister left can have the type of love that lasts - maybe drew can too. the war is coming. drew doesn’t have much time left to take a chance.

  halfway through june, right after katie comes back to camp, drew decides to completely innocently take up hours at the strawberry farm. she tells silena she’s testing out how charmspeak works on plants (surprisingly well) and she tells her friends she’s testing out a strawberry aesthetic (it turns out so well she ends up making earrings and ordering a new flavour lip gloss). drew doesn’t need to do much, it’s not like anyone would ever guess why she’s there. 

  nobody knows she likes girls, besides silena, and silena would never guess she likes katie. because katie’s good. katie doesn’t turn down quests, or work and she always reports travis and connor stoll to chiron when they’re about to pull a prank. she runs her cabin with her half sister miranda and drew’s never heard anything honestly bad about her, except for maybe the stupid jokes the stoll brothers say. if everyone knew she liked girls they would expect her to like someone like herself, drew thinks. someone obviously pretty and not covered in dirt who never wears makeup and doesn’t bother to alter the camp t shirt. 

  but katie’s katie. katie’s one of the campers that’s been around forever. she’s been at camp one summer longer than drew, when katie was ten and drew was nine, katie showed her around camp while they both waited to be claimed. 

  katie and drew came early. they weren’t the youngest, that was annabeth who had years on them both. katie was a summer only camper, but drew’s dad had told her she had to stay at camp until high school when he dropped her off that summer. he’d known her mother was a goddess - the story he’d always told was that he prayed for a muse and he got something even better. he didn’t know which one though. 

  so drew tanaka was left crying in the big house in camp full of kids too big with no clue who her mom was and her dad off to get back to his world of models and galleries and trips to europe. chiron had left her with a box of tissues, but he’d been busy trying to keep some children of the war god from starting a fight, like that was something normal around camp. drew just wanted to go back to her room with her fluffy carpet and her plans with her friends and her dad who normally listened to what she wanted when she phrased it the right way. she couldn’t get the words to take the right sugary taste and the perfect soft roundness they had when people listened. no one ever seemed to listen without it. but it took so much work to get them to sound perfect and drew was tired of it. 

   and then katie gardner passed by with a potted cactus in her arms. she’d only had a summer and a year on drew, but she’d put down the pot at the bottom of the steps and walked up to wear drew was sitting on the porch swing and sat next to her. 

  “i’m katie gardner,” she offered. “this is my second summer and. well i guess i kinda know how you feel. i cried a bunch last summer, but this place is nice. there are people like us here.”

  drew had wiped her tears away and crossed her arms and looked katie up and down. “i’m drew. what’s your mom in charge of?”

  “i don’t know, i haven’t been claimed yet,” katie said. her face got a little screwy at that and drew didn’t want to have to try and comfort another girl when she was already upset so she stuck her hand out to shake katie’s. 

  “your mom’s stupid then,” drew said. katie smiled softly and teary at that and drew didn’t mention it. 

  “so,” drew said, still holding katie’s hand because it felt right. “what is there to do around here?”

  katie’s smile grew a little bigger and she stood up, pulling drew with her by their still linked hands, “the strawberry fields are my favourite spot, but the arts and crafts centre is also nice. we could make friendship bracelets there, if you’d like?”

  “sure,” drew said, trying not to sound too eager. “i um. i’d like that a lot. Thanks.”

  the rest of the first summer was a haze of flower crowns katie made for them and sneaking to the waterfall without luke noticing and drew painting katie’s nails in the bottom bunk they shared - all the other bunks full - and katie and drew lying lazily on the beach and trading flavoured chapstick and hoarding the smelly markers during arts and crafts. it ended with drew and katie both being claimed after they helped the cabin win capture the flag. then katie left to go home and when she came back the next summer they were in different cabins.

  different cabins mean more when you’re eleven and ten. at sixteen and fifteen they don’t mean much at all. drew’s closest with her half siblings, but she’s friends with malcolm from athena and sits at the campfire with lou ellen and butch who’re claimed but both still stuck in eleven with no place else to go. She still isn’t friends with katie from though, what she wants is more. 

  there’s war coming. drew can want more as long as she lives, but she only has two months guaranteed left. she does her hours in the field at the same time as katie and she does a free block in the stables when katie does, even though she’s never liked the pegasi much, and she just so happens to make it to the scarce few parties in the woods (far fewer than any other year, there are less campers to go and less energy to bring to them) that she knows katie is going to. 

  and then, finally, she gets a chance. the stolls get called away with percy jackson on one of the little skirmishes that are popping up too often for anyone's comfort and that leaves the camp store unmanned for a day. they signed katie up to do it for them without asking and she’s angrily packaging berries in baskets when drew goes for it. she’s closing the baskets wrong - though she’s normally perfect at it - so drew plucks the basket she’s holding out of her hands and closes it properly, her perfectly manicured nails clicking the lid into place, before reaching out to pause katie’s trembling hands. 

  katie’s endlessly pretty when she’s mad. drew understands why travis always tries to mess with her, as she has katie’s eyes on her. “hey,” she says. the word comes out round and pink and drew’s heart races - her charmspeak isn’t what she needs now so she pushes it down her throat. “i heard the stolls stuck you with their camp store shifts, do you want a hand?”

  she hasn’t been this nervous since she was nine and had katie’s arms around her while they watched the end of summer fireworks. drew’s never liked to look vulnerable so she hasn’t let herself be since before she lived in cabin ten with half siblings she could never quite trust. 

  the look in katie’s eyes shifts and the tenseness that was taught in her skin relaxes and she smiles, “sure, drew. i’m in tomorrow at two pm - don’t be late.” the last bit comes out a little teasing and drew smirks back. 

  “i’d never dare be late to meet you, i’ll see you then,” she winks, carefully, and then she slips past and around katie, her heart still racing but her face carefully composed, as she heads to her cabin. she sneaks a look back over her shoulder to see katie watching her go and she turns back quickly to hide her blush. tomorrow at two pm. she won’t be late. 

  instead, she’s early. silena had asked her where she was going and lacy and val had watched her get ready from one of the top bunks, but she hadn’t let anyone slow her down. she’d fussed earlier in the morning but she didn’t let any of it show as she left her cabin to meet katie. lou ellen had the shift before katie and she rose an eyebrow at drew as drew took her place, but she didn’t say anything. that’s why drew liked lou ellen so much, she’d wait to bother drew later. 

  katie arrives at two pm on the dot and giggles when she sees drew is early. “i knew you wouldn’t be late, but i didn’t think you’d beat me here.”

  “i didn’t want to miss any time with you,” drew says with a shrug. the words themselves are soft, but she makes sure she says them with an edge. she’s taking a chance, but she isn’t ready to soften all her sharp bits yet. 

  katie wanders through the aisles, still giggling. “okay, sure drew. i’m just gonna make sure everything’s stocked up in the aisles and then we can just hang out.”

  drew nods when katie looks to check for her reaction, and doesn’t let it show that it maybe kinda hurts that katie doesn’t believe her. katie doesn’t have any reason to think she was being honest - drew’s always had a bite to her and if katie likes her back like drew thinks she might, then hopefully they’ll have time to learn when the other is telling the truth in the time they have left. drew tidies up the till in the meantime. she’s never liked things messy, beauty and love can be messy all they like but the aphrodite cabin has always gotten perfect on cabin inspections for a reason. 

  finally, katie walks back around to where drew is. katie hops onto the counter and grins down at her and drew finds herself playing with her bangles. “so,” katie says, her legs swinging on the other side of the counter. “what made you want to join me here today? i know you don’t typically take shifts here.”

  yesterday when drew got back to cabin ten after talking to katie in the strawberry fields silena had been talking about how she and beckendorf got together. silena’s told drew the story multiple times, but it’s a nice story. it’s a good love story. 

  “okay, okay, shut up everyone!” silena says, half laughing in her bunk, pillow clutched to her chest. the cabin all quiets down. every single one of drew’s half siblings know to pay attention to a love story. 

  “okay,” silena says again, catching her breath. “i’d maybe kinda saved charlie from giant ants-” at this, drew and all of her siblings shriek, they can’t help it, it’s family pride.

  “omg shut up!!” silena says, sitting up. “do you want to hear the story or not?”

  “oh you know you love it, just keep going!” mitch calls from the bunk under silena’s. silena throws her pillow at his face and he laughs, but silena finally gets back to it. 

  “okay! okay, so everyone had known he had this massive crush on me for years and i thought it was kinda cute i guess - but he didn’t do anything about it! and you can like a guy forever, but if he never does anything nothing’s gonna happen. it was capture the flag and we were running out of summers together so i was maybe flirting-” wolf whistles interrupt her, but silena shushes them all. “anyways! it was capture the flag and annabeth and i captured percy - but then he pointed out that charlie had been kidnapped by the myrmekes and i was so scared - though don’t tell anyone i was scared! - but i got it together and the three of us not only put together the giant bronze dragon in the woods we also freed charlie from the ant hill he almost died in and then! we destroyed charlie and percy.”

  “um,” lacy says. “what about him asking you out?”

  “oh yeah,” silena looks at her nails. “hm.” drew throws her pillow at silena and silena laughs. “okay! okay, so we got back from saving charlie and charlie had just jumped on the dragon to turn it off and it was like. super brave and very hot, you know? anyways after turning off a dragon i guess he figured out how to be brave enough to ask me out so he asked me to the fireworks - and i said yes thank you very much! i told him i’d been waiting for him to ask me the whooole time-”

  “get it!!” cam calls. 

  silena laughs, “yeah so i tell him that, and then i kiss his cheek - just his cheek we hadn’t even gone on a date yet! but i kiss his cheek and charlie reaches for my hand, and after i kicked his ass in capture the flag we snuck out that night to go stargazing and - no more yelling okay it’s late!! and we made out by the waterfall - no yelling i said - but the best part wasn’t even that. it was when he lead me to the waterfall and told me he didn’t know how long we were going to have together but he wanted every minute with me, because he said i was worth every minute and he wanted as long as possible to learn what love was with me. and well, now we know!”

  drew’s siblings shriek and laugh at that, even though it’s late and silena just told them not too. drew lets herself relax back into her bunk after she steals silena’s pillow from mitch - they always end up trading pillows like this at night when they tell love stories - and she thinks of tomorrow. she’s never had the love silena has. And yeah, silena should’ve dumped beckendorf and broken his heart like they were taught by their long gone older siblings. but, if silena can get happy ever after with her first love… drew can’t see why the same can’t be true for her. she doesn’t have much time left, so she wants as much of it as she can get. 

  “katie,” drew starts. her voice is shaking so she pinches her wrist and starts again, katie’s listening with a smile, it’s just as soft as the day drew met her. “katie i like spending time with you. that’s why i’ve been hanging around the strawberry fields recently, too.”

  “i like spending time with you too, drew.” katie says. katie reaches out and places a hand on drew’s wrist. drew’s eyes watch as katie’s chipped green nail polish glimmers against her bangles. katie’s fingers separate the bracelets one bye one and drew’s breath catches.

  drew breathes, slowly, “katie. katie i should tell you something.”

  katie looks up into drew’s eyes, face warm and drew screws up her courage and okay this is the most nervous she’s ever been. yesterday isn’t even close. “katie i like you. you’re cute and you’re sweet, and i think we could be something special.”

  drew bites at her strawberry flavoured lip and titls her head at katie. she’s - hopeful. and then katie looks away. katie’s legs have stopped swinging, coming to a standstill that drew has never seen katie ever have. and then katie pulls her hand away from drew’s wrist and drew wants to cry. 

 “drew i. drew i’m sorry but, i just.” katie looks back at drew and drew knows katie’s sorry but it doesn’t help. Katie keeps talking, but the words wash over her and she shifts her dumb hopeful smile into a smirk. that’s stronger. she nods at the right things and waves it off. 

 “don’t worry about it,” drew says and she lets her voice turn sugary with charm. “it’s chill katie. anyways, i’m gonna go. byeee.” and then she walks around the counter and as she leaves she doesn’t look back.

  the war is coming. it makes sense. to her it meant a last chance, to katie it means there’s no point in worrying about love. (to say that to a daughter of the love goddess - drew knows that that, at least, katie didn’t realize)

  it’s drew’s first heartbreak. seeing silena after beckendorf is her second. her third is when she sees her sister's face, melted and scarred and unrecognizable and - still painfully beautiful. the fourth is when she finds the charm around silena’s wrist as she burns her shroud and learns silena was a traitor. the war comes and goes and drew’s heart broke and broke and broke and she learns her stupid lesson. 

  after that, drew closes the door to her heart and she closes it on her siblings as well. silena didn’t want to break beckendorf’s heart, but she was a traitor. she would’ve traded cabin ten for kronos’s army - even if it wasn’t where she was in the end at some point she would’ve. drew turns the cabin sharp. she doesn’t think about first loves and she doesn’t think about telling her siblings the shape her love takes - instead she spends her rite of passage with a boy from nike who made fun of her when they were younger and she smiles when she breaks his heart. she doesn’t think about katie gardner. 

  (no, thats a lie. she thinks about katie gardner way too much. she’s different, everyone is, and even as drew lets herself harden she can’t help but watch as katie kisses travis at the fireworks. katie gardner breaks her heart again when she kisses travis and drew looks away and turns to malcolm to make fun of one of the new hermes kids.)

-

chapter two

  the war is over. drew barely believes it. the first war made drew close her heart. it and everything it caused made drew meaner than she thought she could be. the war is over. But it doesn’t feel any different. when piper mclean swings into camp and goes on that dumb quest drew bites her lip and she sharpens her words even more than before and she’s just so fucking angry all of the time and the war is over but another one is right there and-

  (she spotted katie and travis kissing at the campfire jason was claimed at but she just made a mess of herself and she’s so fucking tired of that. she’s so tired of not being right)

  piper mclean comes back from her quest and everyone knows there’s a second war on it’s way. the first war is something drew tries to forget. she lost friends to it. she lost her family. The war is over. their lives were supposed to reach some level of normal. the fates don’t seem to give a shit, they seem to want everyone to live through it again. the first war was a nightmare but it’s over. drew wants anything but another war. except - the second war is giving her another sister. piper is the first new aphrodite camper that wasn’t already in camp since before the titan war. 

  piper takes the cabin counsellor role and drew lets her have it. the war is over. does that matter when there’s another one? but - the second war isn’t like the first. the titan war was her siblings crowding in their cabin together, holding onto everyone and hoping they wouldn’t lose anyone. it was learning her big sister was a traitor the entire time. it was. it was full of death. the second war isn’t free from loss, but instead of taking everything it gives them a sister camp. drew does her hours in the combat arena for the first time ever and she lets her new half brother michael teach her how to use a sword and she only puts up a little fight. at camp jupiter they live together into old age. the only demigods drew knows that lived to old age have dispersed through the world, available to call once or twice, but drew will never get a city with them. stupid annabeth chase wants a city, drew can see it, but it will be for the campers now. not the ones who left because there was no other life for them. the war is over. drew doesn’t know what that means. 

 for piper mclean little ms movie star, it means her best friend is dead. piper needs her to soften her words and drew does. she tells lacy to start sharing love stories at night when piper starts shaking and drew remembers what it’s like to spend her nights laughing with her half siblings again. the war is over. drew stops waiting to see what it means and decides that herself. she does butch’s toes in the rainbow pattern he likes and runs jewellrey making sessions in the arts and crafts center and she even participates in capture the flag for the first time since before the last war. she doesn’t open her heart up but she relearns her mother's domain. and she practices her charmspeak because piper might be her sister and she might be hurting, but drew’s not going to make everything easy for her. it’s not worth it if it is. 

  the last few weeks of summer are spent like that. drew enters junior year and ignored bratty sadie kane who thinks she’s special now that she’s a sophomore. she takes the lead in all the drama productions that are school wide and even bothers to help lacy learn how the lights work when she signs up so she can hang out with sadie. It’s...fun. the war is over. drew is still learning what it means to know she’s going to survive. 

  drew’s a daughter of aphrodite, but more importantly she’s the oldest camper and the longest serving camper in cabin ten. she’s seen her half siblings leave camp and never come home. she knows where they went, though, when they left the strawberry fields and canoe lake in the dust. 

  “where are you going?” drew asks. she’s twelve and her head counsellor is leaving with no plans to come back. arabella sighs as she packs her bags and turns back to look at drew, slumping onto her bunk as she meets drew’s eyes. 

  “drew, baby, i’m too old for camp now,” she says it sweetly, not quite the way drew’s charmspeak sounds, but close. “i’m gonna be a star, drew. another one of our siblings got me a spot on a new show and i’m gonna be on it. remember camilla, the head counsellor from last year? she’s in europe now doing fashion shows. mom might not visit us, but she did give us something special. when we have the drive we can be the biggest stars in the sky.”

  drew nods, carefully, and then she holds out her little address book she bought from the camp store. if arabella is going to be a star, drew is going to have her contact information. she tells arabella that and her sister laughs and fills in her information with no hesitation. “drew, i’ll do you one better. i’ll give you all of the contacts of our siblings that i have too. when you’re ready for the spotlight reach out to any of us and we’ll get you what you need.”

  the smile on arabella’s face grows as she signs the bottom with a signature that is clearly well practiced and fitting for a star. drew takes the book back and holds it close to her chest. over the next few years as siblings leave, drew carefully writes down their information. later, she adds it to her laptop and phone and backs them up as many times as she can think.

  she has siblings on magazine covers, broadway stages, oscar winning movie posters. and drew has their numbers programmed on her phone. drew never knew what her calling was, now she thinks she has an idea. before she boards the bus to go back home with lacy she calls up arabella and she promises her an agent when she gets back from camp. the war is over. she can set her roots down anywhere and….she can leave camp without being a traitor. 

  when she and lacy get in a shoving match as they walk past thalia’s tree drew doesn’t dig her nails in to lacy’s arm to get her to stop. instead, drew pops a stick of bubblegum into her mouth and offers one to lacy. this could be her last summer at camp. part of her wants her siblings to ask her for her contact information before she leaves like she did for all of the cabin ten campers before her that made it out alive. lacy takes it, examines it carefully, and shoves it in her mouth. 

  then, drew pauses. “wait a minute. hon, didn’t you have braces?”

  lacy nods, and then she curls her lips up as she smirks at drew, displaying perfectly aligned brace free teeth. “i got them off three weeks ago!”

  “hm,” drew says. “they look half decent. fix the pigtails and i’ll maybe let you borrow something from my closet.” she keeps walking as she says that, chewing her gum. it’s strange looking at camp and not recognizing most of the faces. new campers arrive every summer and fewer leave. she turns to ask lacy if she knows who the group clustered around the big house porch are -

  lacy is still back where she was when drew gave her the gum. drew raises an eyebrow and lacy stumbles forward, looking a little lost. drew grabs her arm and steers her towards cabin ten. lacy snaps out of her haze after a bit and manages to get into the cabin by herself. drew rolls her eyes and claims her bunk. she finds a few papers waiting on the table the typically stick shared accessories on and picks it up. It’s a bunch of head counsellor information and drew skips over most of it up to - assignments for older campers. drew still has to do some activities with her cabin but she’s outgrown some of the others, in the space where she used to have monster 101 and ancient greek and the like, she now has hours supervising and running events at the arts and crafts centre and - drew drops the papers and turns back to her bunk. 

 she’s almost completely settled in when piper walks in, leading a new boy with valentina and mitch. the four of them claim their bunks, there’s only one bunk left. drew’s eyes stay on the bunk. cam’s bags are left unpacked on their bed, lacy is in the bathroom, the new boy is being shown the ropes by val and piper, mitch is a year rounder...sometimes bunks are empty. 

  the war is over. silena’s bunk is still empty. drew closes her eyes. 

  “drew?” there’s a new girl sitting on the top bunk by the closet. drew memorized every single one of her siblings' names and faces at the end of last summer after her claiming before they all went back home for school, so she knows this girl is new. she’s wearing a headscarf with a pretty flower pattern and her eyes are a glittery pink. and she looks like she’s the same age as drew. there hadn’t been any summer campers her age last year in cabin ten. 

  “yeah,” drew says. she doesn’t say anything else. the new girl doesn’t seem to mind. 

  “i’m silena beauregard,” she says smiling. “we’re sisters i guess. it’s nice to meet you, i don’t have any siblings outside of camp.”

  drew eyes her carefully. and then she walks over to silena’s bunk and climbs up the ladder. she reaches out and shakes silena’s hands and carefully examines silena’s nail polish, now that she’s up close. “me neither,” drew says. “i like your nail polish.”

  silena’s smile gets even bigger and her back straightens up, “i brought it with me! can i do your nails?”

  drew shrugs, but she’s smiling too, “sure.”

  drew walks over to silena’s bunk and lifts her hand to brush against the wooden rail that kept silena from rolling off onto the ground for years. 

  “drew!” piper’s voice calls. drew turns over to see piper holding the papers up. all of drew’s siblings are back at the cabin now drew drops her hand from the rail. “you have most of your shifts in the arts and crafts centre, but you also have a few in the strawberry fields. cool? cool. okay mitch you’re-”

  “strawberry fields?” lacy asks, popping her head out of the bathroom to eye drew carefully. “piper are you sure about that one? drew doesn’t work in the strawberry fields.”

  cam coughs awkwardly, “she did. once. with katie gardner.”

  “uh,” piper says. “okay, well it says here you have your first shift with katie so i guess it’ll be fine. it’s thursday at two by the way, so you have a few days to fight chiron or whoever on it. um, anyways, mitch you’re on lifeguard duty during canoe lessons - that’s pretty cool mitch, i didn’t know you were a lifeguard.”

  her first shift is with katie gardner. she knew that already of course. she had just hoped she read it wrong. drew decides to ignore it until it’s thursday. 

  on tuesday, her friends decided to crash her arts and crafts lesson. she has the nike and nemesis cabins so it’s really just turned into a race. drew maybe made it worse when she said whoever had the best earrings would win a prize. drew hasn’t decided what the prize is yet. butch starts making a pair next to her while lou ellen sabotages the kids she thinks are doing too well. malcolm asks her how she’s doing. 

  “i’m fine,” drew says. “i’m scheduled for the strawberry fields with katie gardner on thursday.”

  malcolm hums at that, “you know, when i was trying to get connor to ask me out last week - shh i know he’s in love with your brother shut up - anyways he told me his brother and katie are over.”

  drew doesn’t say anything to that. she just reaches over and straightens the wire on butch’s earrings he grins at her and bumps into her shoulder and she shoves him back into his seat. it’s been a while since her sister was the only one who knew she liked girls. 

  “anyways,” malcolm says. “is your brother going to ask connor out or not? connor’s so mopey over travis being gone, mitch will have to make the first move.”

  drew rolls her eyes, “i don’t pay attention to my siblings love lives. anyways, i’m thinking about not coming back next summer.”

  butch blinks at her, “what?” then he throws a piece of clay at lou ellen to get her to pay attention. “lou ellen, drew says she’s not coming back next summer.”

  lou ellen mirrors butch’s blink. “drew, what the fuck?”

  “well,” drew says, playing with the clay in front of her as she avoids her friends eyes. “one of my older siblings is getting me an agent, but she told me they film mostly during the summer. and it would be my last summer anyways.”

  “an agent?” lou ellen says, her voice quieter. “that’s a big deal.”

  “i know,” drew says. malcolm looks like he’s about to tell her why an agent is stupid and not coming back to camp is stupid and why she should just listen to the athena kid, when a tiny daughter of nemesis drops a perfectly made pair of clay earrings in the shap of bloody knives in front of drew. 

  “well,” she says standing up. “we have a winner!” the rest of the kids start shouting, but drew just holds up the earrings and they quiet down. no one really wants to fight with a child of nemesis who won fair and square (more or less, considering lou ellen’s interference) with knife shaped jewelry. 

  when drew sits back down the kid has her arms crossed and a glint in her eyes, “i want my prize.”

  drew shrugs, “what do you want that i can give?”

  the kid lights up. “i want an aphrodite makeover.” 

  “well,” drew says, beaming next to her friends who have started to crack up, “i cant happily arrange that.”

  her friends have to filter out after that, but butch catches drew’s arm as he leaves and he looks her in the eye, “we’re still your friends, even if you don’t come back next summer. you know that, right?”

  drew rolls her eyes at him, but it’s fond. “yes i know, you’ll get dibs on my autographs and everything.” butch smiles at her as he leaves and he dangles his new earrings in her face as malcolm doubles back to pull him to their next activity. 

  after that, drew manages to push the thought of her upcoming unavoidable time with katie to the back of her mind. 

  when the day finally comes, she pulls cam and julian over to her stuff in the closet after they get their hours and she makes them pick between her altered camp shirts for her. there’s the one she ripped the sleeves off of, the one she cropped, the one she made into an off the shoulder, the one she fringed the edges of, and the one she dyed and embroidered a heart onto. 

  cam sighs at her as she fusses, “what are you trying to do here? drew you know she had that thing with travis for like, ever.” julian elbows cam for that and tells drew to go with the cropped one. drew smiles at him, only mostly fake and then she turns to cam.

  “why would i care that katie was making out with travis for the past two summers?” drew asks, her words sugary, her charmspeak slipping out gently. 

  “because you’re still kinda into her,” cam says. julian elbows cam harder this time. drew blinks at them both and the two of them shrug at her. 

  “well,” julian says. “cam didn’t have to be a dick, but yeah. we know you used to like her. you wouldn’t spend so much time in a field for anyone.”

  “oh,” drew says. drew had thought this whole time that silena was the only one of her siblings who knew she liked girls. julian seems to realize what she’s thinking, because he slings an arm around her shoulder and squeezes as he directs her towards the bathroom so she can do her makeup. cam trails behind them, but is quiet enough so drew doesn’t say anything. 

  “now i don’t know if you actually want to win her over or whatever, but i do that eyeliner thing for you that i did when i got cecil to ask me out,” julian smiles at her as the two of them stare at the bathroom mirror and drew smiles back, sharper and small, but she smiles back. she’d heard rumours from lou ellen about him and cecil but she’d never asked. 

  drew looks at the carefully colour coded makeup products displayed in the bathroom year round and picks out her favourite pink pencil, “i don’t know if i want to win her over. but i want her to see me at my best.”

  julian squeezes her shoulders and turns her around and does her eyeliner perfectly. when he’s finished cam passes her her strawberry shaped earrings and drew smiles at them both, softer than she normally does when they can see. 

  and then drew walks over to the strawberry fields for the first time since before the war. her pink eyeliner is perfect and her camp shirt is cropped to wear her high waisted denim shorts reach and her strawberry shaped earrings swing in the air. katie is at the edge of the bushes holding two wicker baskets in her arms. she’s wearing a flower crown in her hair and drew’s breath totally doesn’t catch. 

  she takes her basket from katie and they start walking through the bushes. they aren’t the only two in the fields, but they seem to be the only demigods. the others are nymphs and satyrs. drew reaches for a malformed strawberry. when she touches it it shimmers lightly, she plucks it and pulls it up to her eye. it’s in the shape of a heart. 

  drew swallows and puts it in her basket and turns to look at katie. katie’s busy plucking strawberries. drew blinks and turns back to the bushes, she must’ve been seeing things. except, it keeps happening. drew almost confronts katie, and then she realizes that she’s just going to stop getting the heart shaped strawberries if she says anything. it’s probably just their godly inclinations getting confused. 

  after the eleventh heart shaped strawberry they start to get bigger. when drew picks a heart shaped strawberry the size of her hand she stops brushing it off and she puts down her basket. 

  “katie gardner, what the fuck is this?” 

  katie stands up slowly and puts her basket down on the ground. “well,” katie says. “um.”

  drew shoves the strawberry at katie and katie plucks it out of drew’s hands, “wait! wait, wait um.”

  “are you trying to make fun of me? this isn’t funny katie gardner.” drew’s face is flushed and her fingers have curled into fists. she could put up with spending time with the girl she was halfway in love with once, but she’s not going to put up with her mocking her. 

  “no!” katie says, and katie’s face is so open and sorry that drew even believes her a bit. drew lets her hands relax by her side and she gestures at katie to keep talking. “well,” katie says. “i heard you were thinking about not coming back next summer.”

  drew raises an eyebrow at her, “and?” she doesn’t know where katie’s heard that from, but she’s suspecting some convoluted train of malcolm and lou ellen and cecil and connor. 

  “okay, um. okay. we’ve. well we’ve known each other forever, since we were little, and at first i thought i was just upset because if you were thinking about leaving it meant our time was running out. and then i started thinking about our time running out and - and i remember what you said back a few months ago before the titan war,” katie takes a deep breath and drew sees she’s fiddling with a bracelet on her wrist. and. drew recognizes it. she has a matching one underneath her bunk pillow from their first summer at camp together that katie and her made for each other. katie clears her throat and continues, “and at the time - at the time i was dumb. i didn’t even know if i liked girls but i thought if i liked any girl i would like you, but i was so worried about the war and one of my little brothers had just gone to the other side and i didn’t want to lose anyone too close. and then i thought you might ask again after the war, but you didn’t.”

  “i thought you didn’t like me at all,” drew says, quieter than she means to. 

  katie laughs a little, but it wavers and drew freezes as she realizes katie has started to cry a bit, “that makes perfect sense. ha. but, i didn’t know because i was dumb. and then travis was being sweet to me all day and he asked to kiss me and i saw yes because i just really wanted to be held. and everything with travis was so good, and i’m not sorry about it really, because i liked him a lot and i don’t regret being with him but. but we broke up when he went to university and i’m going in september, so we both knew it was coming to an end. but, but i never saw you anymore. and i’d missed you so much in the time between the summer when we were little and the months before the war and then you were gone again and. and then i heard you were leaving and i knew i had to do something and i saw you today with your perfect eyeliner and your really cute earrings and-”

 katie cuts herself off, blushing and crying a bit and drew reaches out. she’s not used to reaching out and she’s not sure she can be as soft as she needs to be, but she catches one of katies hands and squeezes it. “yeah?” drew asks. 

  “and. and i saw you in that crop top and i wanted to scream a bit,” katie admits. “i really, really like you drew. and i know you probably don’t like me back, but i had to try-”

  “wait,” drew says. “of course i like you back.” because of course she does. katie broke her heart, but drew would rather katie break her heart than let anyone else close to touching it in the same way. katie with her heart shaped strawberry plan and beautiful brown eyes and soft sweet smiles. 

  “oh,” katie says. “really? because you’re drew tanaka and you’re kinda the most beautiful girl ever. and you were the best friend i used to dream of when i was a kid that summer.”

  drew links her fingers with katie’s and steps close, “your nail polish is still chipped.”

  “sorry?” katie says, a little confused. 

  “nothing, ignore that,” drew bites her lip and tastes strawberry. “katie, will you go out with me?”

  and then katie smiles the soft smile she’s had since they were little that drew’s been in love with for years and nods, “yeah. i’d like that a lot.”

  “cool,” drew says. and she smiles back with the smile she’s only let katie have. katie steps closer to her, and with her free hand she presses her thumb up against drew’s mouth. drew hopes that katie can’t hear her heartbeat race, and then katie meets her eyes right on. 

  “drew,” katie asks. “can i kiss you?”

  drew answers by taking katie’s other hand and leaning in. their lips meet, and drew tries to memorize the softness of katie’s lips against hers. 

  when they seperate katie giggles, “i always thought your lips would taste like strawberries. guess i was right.”

  later, drew and katie will talk about their plans and the schools and programs they’re planning for and they’ll get to know each others friends and each others siblings. katie’s lips will taste like strawberries because she’ll steal drew’s lipgloss and they’ll make out in all the spots they frequented as kids. 

  now, drew laughs with katie and kisses her again, and again and again until all she can taste is strawberries. the war is long gone, and their future is starting. 

[spiralledcupid]

‘ people say friends don’t destroy one another (what do they know about friends?) ’

Peter Lukas/Elias Bouchard, 1947 words. 

Peter and Elias watch The Weakest Link. 

CW for toxic dynamics and british game shows 

--

They’re almost always busy. Organising the apocalypse was hard work, and when Elias wasn’t submerged in paperwork and plotting, Peter was out to sea and mourning his failure – and when Peter wasn’t on the Tundra, Elias was too busy laying traps for his Archivist. It was nothing personal, though Elias sometimes liked to act like it was, just to bait a reaction. It was simply hard to schedule time for relaxation, hard to plan when getting hold of each other was near impossible. But, on the nights where they both happened to be available and in England, Peter always ended up on Elias’ doorstep. Somewhere along the line, Elias would let him in, they’d pour drinks – cider for Peter and red wine for Elias, the latter stocked high and the former with just a few cans gathering dust in a corner – and they’d end up in front of the television. And Peter would put on a game show.  

They’re an odd little fascination, one Peter developed during a horrid interval when the Tundra was trapped portside for a week, or maybe two. Though he’d expected his enjoyment of them to pass when he was finally free to sail on his silent ship once more, the habit stuck and more often than not he found himself watching one quiz show or another. Not the silly ones like Eggheads or Pointless, when it all boiled down into teamwork and collaboration, but the truly cutthroat ones, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and such, where the contestants were pitted against each other from the start. The ones where they were all so obviously praying their fellow contestants would fail so they could get their chance at whatever meaningless award was offered.

Elias – though he had been James Wright at the time, if Peter remembered right – had called Peter for the first time ever when that couple cheated Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, gloating over how they’d worked together to snatch the top prize from ITVs helpless hands. It took all the fun out of it, really, working together. It robbed the shows of that intoxicating isolation that populated so many of them, the terrifying knowledge that there would be no help given, that everything had to be done alone. That was quite wonderful.

Peter allowed himself to sprawl over their shared sofa. For once in his overlong life, Elias had decided to be pleasant, only complaining twice when Peter commandeered the remote to put on a rerun of The Weakest Link. And he’d kept quiet during the best bits, when the contestants nominated the contestant to leave the show that round.

“You are being kind tonight.” Peter remarked, when the second-rate replay channel shoehorned in yet another ad break.

“Am I?” Elias asked, swinging his long legs into Peter’s lap. Peter shuffled away to the tune of Elias’ laugh. The last thing he needed was Elias ruining the delicious pain of second-hand isolation by forcing Peter to remember his presence. He regretted talking at all when Elias began prodding his toes into the worn jean of Peter’s thigh. His socks were covered with eyes, tessellated together into some sickening collage of sight.

“Can you see from those?” Peter asked without thinking. On the television, some pointless celebrity offered up a brand of washing power in a variety of scenarios, her face never losing a bland smile, her eyes clinging to hollow vacancy. Peter’s heart rose. There was nothing more enjoyable than the knowledge that this woman, whoever she may be, would have left the recording studio for a flat far too big for her in the centre of a bustling city, the open plan forcing her voice to echo and rebound from the stock-photo walls should she try to call any of the fake friends she had. But there were still millions of women across the country watching her vacant face and wishing with all their lonely little hearts that they could be her, convinced that if they just had her hair or her face, her money or her family, they could wash the loneliness from their lives for good. They were wrong.

Peter hoped no one told them.

“Can I see through my socks?” Elias mused, closing his eyes. Seconds, minutes later, he blinked them open again, “Your trousers are terribly frayed.”

“I don’t need to see through my socks to know that.”

“You should fix them.” Elias suggested, in the voice that meant he wanted Peter to do no such thing. Elias fed from making sure Peter always felt his Eye on one of his flaws or another and Peter, in turn, fed from never listening to Elias’ opinion when he chose to give it. It made Elias feel terrifically, terrifyingly lonely, when people didn’t care what he thought about them.

A five second clip of the introduction music signalled the end of the nauseating ad break. Peter was very conflicted about ad breaks. On one hand, it didn’t really seem fair to exchange five minutes of mediocre television for five minutes of mind-numbing adverts displaying things no one person could possibly need, even if they lived as long as Elias had. On the other hand, advertisements were built around the need to make the viewer feel inferior, a gateway drug to loneliness if there ever was one. Where there was inferiority there was insecurity, the fear of being left out or left behind, and both of those were fears The Lonely found delicious.  

Yes, Peter would adore ad breaks, if he didn’t have to see them too.

“How could they cancel this?” Peter sighed, as onscreen Anne Robinson belittled a contestant for enjoying wrestling.

“It’s possibly the only good thing the BBC has ever done,” Elias said, purely to provoke a reaction, “I mean it. I’m not antagonising you.”

“I didn’t think antagonising, I thought provoking,” Peter said pleasantly, “I would prefer it if you stayed out of my head, though.”

The thought of Elias watching his thoughts, taking a personalised tour through his brain like a tourist at an isolated art gallery, sent Peter’s skin crawling. It was the worst thing about spending time with Elias, the knowledge that he, should he feel inclined, could dip into Peter’s head and watch to his heart’s content, dig up every little secret and throw them back into Peter’s face just to see how he’d react. And the knowledge that any reaction Peter gave would feed Elias’ patron.

“What a shame.” Elias remarked, tugging Peter’s attention back to The Weakest Link.

“What happened?”

“She didn’t bank. Lost them almost all of the money.” Elias clicked his tongue in a sham of sympathy.

Peter groaned, “You made me miss it.” The frustrated looks of the other contestants weren’t nearly as satisfying without the memory of the woman’s mortification to back them up.

“What a shame.” Elias repeated. His feet were still pressed against Peter’s thigh, a constant, bony reminder that Peter wasn’t alone anymore, would never be alone again should he ask. He wondered if he should be happy about it.

“You think,” Elias said, “far too much. What does it matter if you’re not always lonely? I’m not always Watching.”

“You had your Eye on that archivist of yours not ten minutes ago.” Peter said, taking Elias’s sudden frown as confirmation of his hunch. But that was all wrong too. Surely normal people wouldn’t be joking if their partner had spent a night with them watching one of their co-workers. Surely they’d be upset about it.

“We’re not partners.” Elias reminded him.

There were two contestants left, vying for the money that hadn’t been lost by their idiotic competitor. Peter tried to focus on them, and not on the way Elias was looking at him, on the half-smile playing across the lips Peter liked so much. When they were together, of course. When they were apart, Peter thought, Elias’s mouth was just another mouth.

“Liar.” Elias hissed. The bolt of insecurity that darted through him was honeysuckle sweet. In retaliation, Elias dug his heel into Peter’s leg as he stretched out over as much of the sofa as he could, crowding Peter against the arm. Peter didn’t look away from the television.

“The man on the left wins,” Elias snapped, “It’s a question about Hadrian’s wall and he snatches it right out from under the other man’s nose. He spends his pathetic gains gambling himself into worse debt then he started with.”

“Oh,” Peter complained. Anxiety swelled in his gut at the show of Elias’s power. He didn’t know Elias could dip into the minds of people on television too. Was there anything he couldn’t See, any secret he couldn’t Know as soon as he wished to?

“I can’t. I’ve just seen this one before.” Elias said, observing Peter’s wide eyes with barely-concealed delight. What did Elias care if the power he’d hinted at didn’t exist? Peter’s original rush of fear had been enough to make them even.

“You,” Peter said, “are a bad boyfriend.”

“I don’t care, as long as I’m not yours.”

Careful, Peter closed a hand around Elias’ ankle, covering some of the eyes that danced and winked along it. Elias’s smile widened.

Peter tugged, and Elias let himself be moved.

Peter lifted, and Elias let himself be raised.

When he sunk his fingers into Peter’s hair and pushed his nails into Peter’s scalp, Peter didn’t protest. Instead, he placed Elias in his lap and let himself be kissed.

Kissing Elias was a little like breathing in a burning building. It was a little like Christmas, or existing on a crowded ship. In other words, it was unbearable, but Peter wanted, needed it anyway. It was choking and over-hot and crowded and pushy and Peter wanted it more and more and more and more, until he couldn’t breathe without Elias pressed firm against his chest.

Elias pulled his mouth away, because it wasn’t enough for Peter to just feel his smirk apparently.

“Your metaphors are ridiculous.” He wiped his mouth with one hand and smoothed his hair with the other.

“I never was fond of words.”

“That much is clear.” Elias said, as if they hadn’t had this conversation a thousand times before, as if they wouldn’t have it a thousand times again before they were finally done with each other. Peter caught his breath as Elias rolled his shoulders, blazer slipping down from the movement, before craning his neck to glance at the television. Peter watched the credits reflect in his shiny, dark eyes.

“Can we put Big Brother on? After all,” He patted Peter’s cheek, “You’ve had your fun.”

“If you want.”

All those people trapped together but encouraged to hate, to isolate even when there was nowhere to go, to say one thing when they thought and felt another, to not trust anyone they were confined with. It was lonely enough for Peter.

“Everything’s lonely enough for you,” Elias said, rubbing at the faint red of beard rash decorating his cheeks, “You’re very simple to please.”

The familiar panic washed over Peter again, the fear encapsulated in the knowledge that Elias would always, somehow, Know Peter better than Peter knew himself. The fear that, whatever Peter was, Elias could See it and take it and keep it for himself.

Peter pushed Elias from his lap.

They split a pack of biscuits, though they were both hungry for something more sustaining, and Peter wondered if he could never get used to having all his secrets laid out in a glass cabinet, for Elias to view as he pleased.

The look on Elias’ face said that, even if he could, Elias wouldn’t let him.

[let-me-love-you-loki]

In a Day or Two--Ch. 4

Chapter 4

           I leaned against the wall just outside the door of my building, fiddling nervously with my phone. It was late afternoon on my third full day in Tokyo. I’d spent the day before walking around the ward to get a sense of direction and to see what my temporary home had to offer. My body clock was still adjusting to the fourteen-hour shift, but I was slowly pushing my way back to a normal schedule. The catnaps and ward walks were helping.

           Movement to my left caught my attention. When I looked up, I saw Kenny walking down the street toward me. The first day we met, I hadn’t paid attention to what he was wearing since I was just happy someone spoke English. The second time we ran into each other, he’d been in a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt. Now, I couldn’t help but feel giddy at how attractive he looked.

           He wore a white Henley sweater that hugged his arms and shoulders and tapered down to his waist. The front tail of it was tucked into his waistband behind the silver buckle of his belt. His jeans were ripped in the right thigh and the left knee, and they looked relaxed and well-worn. There was a small black messenger bag strapped over his chest. His two-toned curls bounced as he walked. Mirrored aviators hid his blue eyes from the sun.

           “Hey, Shaye-san,” Kenny greeted as he closed the distance between us on the sidewalk. His hands were tucked into his pockets, making his biceps look bigger in the Henley. “You ready?”

           I stepped away from the wall, nervously brushing at my clothes. At least I didn’t look underdressed based on what he had on. “Be kind to me, Kenny-san. I’ve never been to an honest-to-goodness arcade before.”

           He gestured for me to go ahead of him. “You’ll love it. I promise.”

           We walked in silence for a few minutes, both of us meandering along on the sidewalk. I was strangely aware of his presence close by. In a way, he reminded me of a guy I knew in college. We’d been best friends the entire time, and, when he got married a year after graduation, he’d asked me to be his “best gal” at the wedding. I had the sudden strange urge to snap a picture of Kenny and send it to him just to get his opinion. It was funny that I didn’t want to talk to my mother about Kenny, but sharing the knowledge of him with my old friend was perfectly comfortable.

           The thought made me laugh quietly. Kenny must have noticed, as he gently bumped my shoulder. “What’s so funny?”

           I glanced up, aware keenly of how tall he was. He had to be an easy five or six inches taller than me, which put him around six feet if I had to guess. “I was just thinking that you remind me of one of my guy friends back home.”

           “Hmm. Tell me about him.” He slowed his pace to a little.

           My lips tipped upward into a smile as I looked up at the sky. “Ned is something else, and that’s the easiest way to put it. Well… his name is Edward, but everybody’s called him Ned since I can remember. We met in college. I remember one time, a few months after we met in freshman year, that I went camping with him and his family. Like, the whole deal—tents and fishing and all of it. I grew up in New York City, so I’d never done anything like that before. It was amazing.”

           He let out a faint hum in recognition. “Is he cute?”

           “As a button,” I replied, swiping my phone open and going straight through my photo gallery to a photo of Ned from a recent dinner. I turned the screen toward Kenny so he could see.

           “Agreed.” He tucked his hands deeper into his pockets. “How come he didn’t come with you?”

           I looked at my companion, feeling my brows merge in confusion. “Why would he?” Before Kenny could respond, it clicked in my brain. I tried very hard not to laugh at him. “We’re not a thing. He’s married. He’s, like, my best friend. But that’s it.”

            Kenny smiled sheepishly, color burning on his cheeks. “I just assumed…”

           My eyes rolled so hard that I thought they would be stuck in the back of my head. “If you wanted to know if I had a boyfriend or a girlfriend, all you had to do was ask.”

           “Well, I mean, I did just meet—wait, girlfriend?”

           I shrugged. “Hey, girls are pretty awesome too.”

           Something about that response struck him into silence. I hoped that the silence didn’t mean that I’d upset him or made him feel uncomfortable. Honestly, it was just that I wasn’t very good at meeting new people.

           “Here we are,” Kenny spoke up after a long while of silence. We were standing on the sidewalk outside a tall building with neon signs on the outside. An automatic door swooshed open as we walked in, filling the space around me with the air-conditioned noise of change machines, prize drops, and dance music.

           “Holy shit,” I breathed as I glanced around at the game systems that spread out in every direction. “Arcades definitely don’t look like this in New York.”

           Kenny smiled and put his arm around my back hovering just over the base of my spine, but he didn’t touch me. Still, it made my heart pick up its pace. The presence of his hand was enough to guide me into the building and off the tiled aisle onto a carpeted area littered with every type of game known to man. I looked at the game closest to me, surprised to find that it was skee-ball.

           “I know that one!” I exclaimed, twisting to look up at him. What I saw was slightly breathtaking. He’d removed the sunglasses and hung them from the collar of his Henley. Even in the lower light of the arcade, his eyes were bright and wide. They crinkled a little at the corners as he smiled, flashing white teeth and something like dimples but not quite.

           “Just a second,” Kenny said, digging his wallet out of his pocket. He grabbed some cash and stepped over to a change machine. The coins clattered out and Kenny swept them up in his nimble fingers. He turned around and held out a handful to me. “Loser buys dinner?”

           “Done,” I grinned, cupping my hands so that he could spill a portion of the coins into them. I pushed some into my pocket and palmed the others as I reached out, snatched Kenny by the wrist, and began pulling him toward the skee-ball game.

           Dropping my coins into the machine, I quickly swept my hair back into a knot. As the balls rattled down the chute, I glanced over to see Kenny pulling his sleeves up his forearms. He picked up his first shot, holding the ball balanced with his thumb and forefinger. I took up mine, turning it over and over in my palm.

           Lights flashed and the sound of a bell triggered the start of the round. I didn’t dare look at Kenny. Instead, I focused on picking up balls and flinging them up the ramp into rings as quickly as I could. The first few ended up in the 10-point spot, but I got lucky with a few in the 500. What felt like five seconds later, a buzzer went off.

           I turned to see Kenny looking sheepish. “Sorry,” he shrugged.

           “Best two out of three?” I quipped, knowing full well that I probably wasn’t going to win.

~Ω~

           I slid into the booth across from Kenny, feeling warm and winded after playing what felt like every game in the arcade. He leaned his cheek against his palm, elbow propped on the edge of the table, and gave me a look that was somehow hazy around the edges. Flustered, I looked anywhere but at him. My eyes landed on the plastic laminated menu, searching the pictures to find something—anything—that I would want to eat.

           “What’s good here?” I asked, trying to hide the tremor in my voice.

           “I always get the yakitori,” he replied, his beautifully unique fingers tapping on the menu over a picture of what looked like a kebab. “It’s fantastic. Trust me.”

           “Hmm, trust you?” I made the mistake of glancing up. Kenny was watching me with a slight tilt to his lips. I tried not to think of how attractive he was. “I mean, you did set me up in the arcade. How was I to know you were going to mop the floor with me?”

           “Well, my friends do call me ‘The Cleaner’ so…” He leaned back in the booth. I felt his feet bump into mine as he stretched out his legs. “But I haven’t steered you wrong on anything important, Shaye-san.”

           I pushed the menu away, knowing I was going to follow his advice anyway. “You call me ‘Shaye-san.’ Am I being rude by not calling you ‘Kenny-san?’”

           He shook his head and sent his curls bouncing. “If it bothers you, I’ll stop.”

           “I didn’t say that.”

           Kenny bumped his feet into mine again, this time it felt intentional.

Tag List

@mox-made-me-do-it​

[violetxmayfaire]

Gal Gadot/She/her — is that Violet Mayfaire ordering a drip coffee at mocha ? i heard they’re a thirty-four-year-old investor & art gallery owner. rumour has it she can be a little Possessive, but also Patient. i guess that comes with being a Gemini. they always make me think of the perfect shade of red lipstick, black lace & art galleries. i sure hope no one finds out she was in the army and followed orders to kill people but still hasn’t told her fiance. well, looks like their order’s up !

biography – Violet was born in New York to a socialite who used her magic to get herself known and a lawyer who used magic to win his cases, they both cared about their daughter so much that they essentially stopped their lives when Violet arrived. Her father quit being a lawyer and went into investments and became an entrepreneur, opting for using his magic to ensure he was making money. He could do it from home and still look after Violet, her mother remained in the socialite circle but she found very quickly that a baby wasn’t a welcome accessory to her usual parties. Her mother always taught her to keep her friends to people she knew were going to be real with her and who weren’t going to take off when things got hard and Violet stuck to that ideology like glue throughout her childhood and into her adulthood, as such she still has friends that she keeps up with from in some of her first years of school.

After leaving high school she felt like she had a duty to fulfil, she didn't know why that was her call but she really did feel like she needed to do something for what she felt like was the good of her country. So she enrolled in the army, going through basic combat training and going to war-torn areas, she followed this until she was twenty-three where she found herself coming to the end of her duty. She wanted to do something more than what she had so she went to college, starting training in psychology, it was here where she found herself falling in love. It was a few years and she and her husband were married and Violet was finishing up her degree, moving into a career as a therapist.

By twenty-eight she had decided that kids were their next avenue, given she had moved into her career and that things were going well, however her husband didn’t agree, he wanted to focus on his career he didn’t want to have to go into looking after a child, and it was there where their problems began. Arguments slipped into their daily life and Violet no longer felt happy with a career husband rather than a husband who wanted to focus on a family. Two years later was when it really broke down, he admitted to having multiple affairs, and that he was no longer willing to be with Violet the way she needed, she found herself heartbroken and depressed. Violet and her ex-husband separated a month later and a year later they settled their divorce, but in a night of weakness, they slept together, only to find they weren’t on the same level and they really weren’t on the same page and that there was no repairing what was broken.

Violet moved shortly after they really ended things, only to feel sick and start to get all the symptoms of pregnancy, but of course at the time that was the last thing she imagined. So she took a quick trip to the doctors and the news almost broke her, it was the last thing she was expecting to happen, so when she found out that she was pregnant it was a shock to the system. The call to her ex-husband was even harder, he wasn’t expecting it as much as she was and he ‘promised to help her out’ but at the end of the day, Violet knew he was more driven to his career rather than kids and they really weren’t friends anymore. Her mother came to town to look after her for a few months of her pregnancy however her new work as an editor didn’t allow her that much time away from the office so Violet spent a few months being all on her own, until one day she walked into a florist looking for a few bunches of Violets.

Meeting Posey when she was right on the edge of about to have her son was one of the best things that had ever happened to her, to the point where she still marks it down as one of the turning points in her life. It only took a week, but Violet already knew she had found someone she wanted to be with, so she gave it her all and asked Posey on a date. Her son Atlas had other ideas, he arrived the night of their first date, and it was one of the hardest and yet most rewarding things she had done, her mother couldn’t make it in time as he was a month early so she felt so alone. However when she came out she found that she didn’t have to do any of it alone because Posey was right there waiting for her, it has been a year of ups and downs and moving about, moving through their lives together, but at Christmas Violet decided it was time, and with a beautiful flower shaped engagement ring, a little cactus (which has very fast become a trademark of their big moments together), and a puppy, Violet proposed to Posey.

On moving to a new place, Violet decided it was time for a change. After being a therapist for so long she decided to take the money that she had saved up from both her parents and working as a therapist to put it into stocks and become an investor. Deciding to do that as it gave her more time to be with her son and not have to worry so much about her life of looking after other people and helping them through their issues. However she found herself rather bored of that life, not doing something during the day just wasn't an option for her, so she brought a studio space in the city and ever since then she has been working on getting her art into place, a week ago was her grand opening, and she's been working hard, but it's been good for her having a place where she can work, but also have enough space to look after Atlas as well.

personality  – Violet is someone who could be described as your best friend, she is someone who people manage to feel comfortable around and who always tries to make you feel secure in whatever you’re telling her. She loves treating people like they are a part of some bigger family and that they are loved and taken care of. It shows in her relationship with Posey, as well as her friendships that she always manages to make and keep friends no matter how far she travels. She is, however, a very protective person, the people who receive that the most are Posey and Atlas, she always wants to make sure they are okay and they are doing well so if someone threatens them there would be some major problems. Violet is very much someone who assumes and asses a situation by watching the way people interact before she approaches and speaks to a person if she sees someone is in a bad mood she will try to either avoid or diffuse the situation if she can, if she can’t she will simply avoid the situation and the people and look for a better time to intervene. Her heart so entirely belongs to Posey, Atlas, and their menagerie of pets, so it’s very rare for her to really be thinking about anything but them, and she will quite often slip them into any conversation she can.

Connections -

Her ex-husband - He was a career motivated man, but when he and Violet began moving in different directions he began having affairs. They separated and the night they finalized their divorce they slept together, this resulted in Atlas. He promised he would help out but since she gave birth her ex-husband hasn't seen Atlas at all. The reasons why are up to the player. Atlas is coming up on a year old and Violet has moved on, she is now engaged to Posey. She doesn't have a good view of her ex-husband, and she is still incredibly upset, more because he's not in Atlas' life and less because he cheated on her.

[kimmyiewrites]

Wasted ~ Chpt 1

Story Summary:  He knew the minute his mother showed up, his quiet life with his niece was going to be ruined, but he wasn't expecting to see the woman he gave up in order to give Mary as normal of a life as he could give her.

AN: Hello! This is the first time in a long time that I've written a canon divergent (if that's what you would like to call a story where all I've really done is just added a character to the story) fic. I'm pretty excited about it because the character I'm introducing, Ryn Sterling, is so much fun (ps I’ve pictured her as Hayley Atwell). OH! This story will update every Wednesday and Friday (because that's important to know). ANYWAYS I hope you enjoy and I can't wait to hear what you all think. Much love!

There are moments where it seems life is like one of those scenes in a movie where the film pauses and the main character has a voice over explaining the situation before backtracking to tell their story. Ryn Sterling was having one of those moments now. She had been interrupted during her current photo shoot to be served a court summons. She couldn't quite believe that Evelyn Adler was summoning her to a court in Florida to showcase her son in a bad light. The following day, she was on a plane, flying from Boston to Florida and being picked up by Evelyn's lawyer.

The lawyer was just as stuck up as Evelyn which meant Ryn was bored to death during the car ride. He went over what she was supposed to say and how she should paint Evelyn in a more positive light. Ryn just rolled her eyes. She couldn't believe this whole situation really. Diane had called her that night and made her promise to help Frank with Mary. Ryn wasn't entirely sure what was going on but she had made the promise to Diane. She would do anything for those three. Without really thinking anything else of it Ryn went back to her gallery showing. At the end of the night she noticed that she had three missed calls from Frank and a text message from him reading: "I forgot you had that gallery thing. Call me when you can."

Of course Ryn did and at the news of Diane's suicide, she raced to her car to get to Frank's apartment. Police, Medic, and Fire were all there. Apparently she arrived not too long after Frank had gotten back from his date. A six month old Mary reached out when she saw the older woman. She squirmed in Frank's arms until he transferred her into Ryn's arms. Mary began babbling, acting as though everything was normal. That just made Ryn hold onto Mary tight. She wouldn't understand the meaning of tonight for so long. Trying her hardest to hold back tears as the meaning behind Diane's promise finally hit her, Ryn reached out and took Frank's hand. They'd be able to get through this together, she was sure of it.

She never left Frank or Mary's side after that; often taking Mary with her to her studio while Frank taught his classes. This also meant that Ryn knew that Frank was going to take Mary and disappear. Hell, Ryn was the one who gave him the idea. Mary was nearly two when she started showing signs that she was going to be just as smart as her mother. Once those started, Evelyn began voicing her opinion more and more, causing Frank to grow frustrated. "Go away somewhere, somewhere Evelyn won't try to follow and you can raise her without anyone else's influence." Ryn suggested, figuring that he'd at least tell her. That wasn't the case. Frank didn't tell her when or where he was going to take Mary and that hurt Ryn the most.

So when she was served the court summons, she was quite surprised that it was Evelyn doing so and not Frank. Then again she was sure that Frank didn't want to drag her into this, especially since when she was called to the witness stand after his initial shock he looked at her apologetically. Ryn wanted to be upset with him, he left her without so much as a goodbye but seeing how tired he looked, all she wanted to do was give him a hug.

"Ryn Sterling how do you know the defendant?" Evelyn's lawyer asked, motioning back towards Frank.

"I've known him since, when was it Frank, first grade?" She asked, looking at Frank instead of the lawyer.

"Ms. Sterling if you could refrain from actually speaking to the defendant." The judge, who didn't look amused, stated.

"Right, sorry." Ryn apologized, still looking to Frank for an answer. Frank hid his smirk and nodded which caused Ryn to try and hide her smile as well. Behind Frank's shoulder was an older African American woman who was watching the exchange with interest. She too smiled when she saw their smiles. All she knew now was that Frank better fight to keep that sweet child and make sure this Ryn stayed with them.

"I've known Frank and the Adlers since first grade." Ryn finally replied to the question.

"And what do you make of Frank taking the child and bringing her here?" The lawyer asked.

Ryn sighed, getting comfortable in the witness stand seat. "Well, other than me being upset that he didn't tell me where he was going I think he made a good decision."

"And why is that? Don't you think that Frank should have stayed in Boston with you and the plaintiff so that the child could grow to her full potential?"

"Objection! Your honor, the question is leading." Frank's lawyer stood.

"Objection sustained." The judge replied.

Evelyn's lawyer just nodded. Ryn could tell both Evelyn and her lawyer were getting frustrated by Ryn's answers. Ryn never actually agreed to go along with Evelyn's scheme to win custody of Mary. If she was ever asked to choose between Frank or someone else, she would choose Frank every time. "So why do you think the defendant made a good choice?" Evelyn's lawyer asked once again.

"Because he was doing what's best for Mary. He moved somewhere he could do right not only by Mary but Diane as well. Diane wanted him to raise her and honestly Frank would do anything for that girl. I can't attest to living conditions but I'm sure they are not as bad as you made them out to be in the car ride over. There are insects in Boston too, ya know and I'm sure a small house in Florida is a lot better than a small apartment in Boston. Those things can barely hold a single person, imagine if it was two people. Frank is going to let that girl have a life that isn't consumed by numbers and mathematical equations. Mary is going to live a life that a child should live if she remains with Frank. I think that should answer all further questions unless Frank's lawyer has any for me?" Ryn looked from Evelyn's lawyer to Frank's, who shook his head, indicating he in fact had no questions for her but he sure as hell wished he had known about her a lot earlier than this.

"Good, can I get down now?" Ryn asked, looking up towards the judge.

The judge did not look happy but not wanting to cause an uproar simply nodded. Ryn smiled and hopped down. She went to the back row of the seats and waited for the rest of the session to be over. She definitely wouldn't be getting that nice hotel room Evelyn had promised her for coming out which Ryn didn't really care about. She could find her own hotel room if Frank wouldn't let her stay with him, which she hoped wouldn't be the case.

At the end of the session, Evelyn walked passed her first, glaring at her. "You don't know what you've just done," the older woman said.

Ryn just chuckled, shaking her head. "Matter of fact, I do. Thanks for reuniting me with Frank and Mary and it was good to see you too, Evelyn." She waved even though she was talking to the older woman's back.

"I'm sorry she dragged you into this." Frank's voice came from behind her causing Ryn to spin around.

"You should have called me." Ryn replied crossing her arms across her chest.

Frank stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked down at his feet. "I know. You're just doing so well I didn't want to take that away from you."

Ryn shook her head. "You know the perks of being an artist is that I can literally be anywhere and it doesn't matter because I'll always have my clients. The beauty of the internet. Now, where's Mary?"

At that Frank lifted his head and smiled as he offered his hand. Ryn easily took it and followed him out. The two had always been close. Ryn was Frank's escape from the pressures Evelyn placed on him and eventually that led to Diane joining in as well. Frank was Ryn's support, the one who was always telling her that she could do it. Her parents were never as strict as the Adlers or as aloof depending on which Adler being examined but they were always doubting her, always asking "what happens if this doesn't work, do you have a backup plan, what if you taught art or photography instead?" Those questions could weigh on a person but Frank was always there telling her that she could, telling her that she was one of the greatest artists he's ever seen, telling her to keep her head up and to keep following her dreams. If it wasn't for Frank she was sure she wouldn't be as successful as she was now.

"This is cute." Ryn said when they pulled up next to Frank's small blue house. On the drive over they caught up yet they didn't touch the emotions that their separation brought up. He told her about fixing boats and she told him about her latest gallery showing.

"You don't have to lie, Ryn." He looked over at her, trying to get a gage for what she really thought of the home.

"No, really I like it. It's cute." She smiled at him before getting out of the car.

Ryn heard Mary before she saw her. The young girl had been watching out the window waiting for Frank to get back. Roberta had gotten back a few minutes before and was updating Bonnie on what happened. When Mary heard that her "aunt" was here she couldn't be more excited. "AUNTIE RYN!" She called through the opened screen window. Then there was the slam of the front door and a seven year old Mary barreling through the yard to get to the woman she hadn't seen in five years.

Ryn tossed her duffle bag down and picked the girl up as soon as she felt Mary's arms wrap around her neck. "Oh how I've missed you." Ryn said giving the girl a squeeze as she twisted from side to side.

"I've missed you too, Auntie Ryn." Mary whispered snuggling into Ryn's embrace, resting her head in the crook of the woman's neck.

Frank came around and picked up Ryn's bag, slinging the strap over his shoulder as he came over to where Ryn and Mary were. He smiled as he tucked Mary's hair behind her ear to get it out of her face. Oh how he missed Ryn too, missed seeing this interaction. He wished he had been selfish and asked Ryn to come with him when he brought Mary down here. Maybe things could have been different. He placed a kiss to Ryn's hair causing her to look up at him with a smile and a questioning gaze. She had so many questions; would they picked up where they left off or would they move past the friends with benefits relationship they had and actually cross the line into being an actual couple.

"Who's that?" Bonnie asked as she watched Frank nudge Ryn forward with his hand on her lower back.

Roberta looked out the window and smiled at the image the trio created. "That would be the girl I was telling you about. The one that Evelyn brought in thinking that she would help her win custody."

"Looks like that backfired on her."

"Oh, it did."

[notfallplan]

Photograph

Summary: Mari loves taking pictures, especially the beautiful, shiny things in life, her friends- especially Dia is part of those things but the brunette makes it hard for the blonde to capture her.

Pairing: DiaMari (also a bit of KanaDiaMari)

[ AO3 LINK ]

Mari has a lot of hobbies but she would rather refer to them as her passions. She's passionate with her school idol activities, horseback riding- that she even has her own horse named Starbright that she herself takes care of and no one else, but she's also passionate for all things beautiful and shiny that she loves to capture them whenever her bright amber eyes caught something that makes everything in this world so wonderful and worthwhile and so, since she was a kid, she's been hoarding pictures of everything she deemed as "shiny" (as she once referred to when she was a child but still uses the term unironically), they're mostly pictures of nature or strangers going on about their day that Mari found to be somewhat interesting and beautiful, like that old woman who would always go to the beach at 5 p.m. to try and catch the sunset everyday or random things like kids playing so carefree at the playground; just random moments where she felt like everyone is themselves- which makes those random moments so beautiful and shiny for her- people just being natural is the most beautiful thing for her.

But other than those, the blonde had always kept so many pictures of her friends- pictures that are so precious to her because it's a window to the past that helps her recollect all those beautiful feelings and memories she had when she was a child and most of all when she, Dia and Kanan were all once so carefree and just natural. She loves her friends dearly, they're what makes her life more beautiful and extraordinary that her pictures of them are the ones she treasures the most. Dia and Kanan are the ones who helped her shine so bright and Mari had always expressed how her childhood friends are the shiniest things this world has to offer and she's glad to have them in her life.

And so, it was her mission to capture every shiny things she's encountered in her life and most of it are just pictures of her two best friends goofing off when they were little kids but now, after the drama for two years, Mari had a hard time capturing those same moments again especially with the brunette.

Back then, when Mari would raise her polaroid camera at Dia, the brunette would gladly smile so wide and Kanan would be besides her with her tongue out and a peace sign, then they'd look at the picture and Dia would initiate for the three of them to have a picture together that they sometimes have to ask strangers to take a picture of them because the brunette was so adamant about it.

But now, Mari could barely capture a natural smiling goofy Dia when she initiates a selfie- her camera is always met with a frown or a stern look and even when Mari pleads Dia to smile it always comes off looking too forced and Mari hates that most of all. Even during photo-shoots for Aqours posters or promotions, Dia always comes off looking so stiff for Mari when they review the photos, but the other members- except for Kanan of course- and the photographer doesn't notice it, they'd all say how Dia looks so beautiful but Mari knows that, that Dia in those pictures isn't the most beautiful Dia at all, the most beautiful Dia for her is the one that was so carefree, so natural and happy that she has nothing to hide to the world, it's when she talks about her little sister, when she talks about idols or anything that she's passionate about- Dia is most beautiful when all of her walls comes down and she smiles like that expression was mostly made for her and Mari can't help but be awed every time she gets to witness that, now, rare moment.

So Mari starts bringing her camera wherever she goes, and without anyone knowing, she'd sometimes take pictures of the first years goofing off or mostly just pictures of Ruby and Hanamaru teasing Yoshiko and then being caught in a death grip by the said girl- Mari would always laugh at those pictures every time she looks at it. And then the second years with mostly Riko scolding Chika and You awkwardly laughing at the exchange, but the ones that most notable in all of the pictures she took of the second years are the sad longing expression on You's face when she's look at Chika.

Then there's pictures of Kanan with mostly in her wet-suit or practice clothes but her favorite one is that picture she took when Kanan took a nap at the library, she looked so serene and peaceful with her eyes closed and lips pursed and Mari can't help but feel her heart flutter every time she looks at it. The indigo-haired girl isn't as carefree as she once used to be and Mari knows there's still some walls she has to break through but the diver is progressing, she isn't the cold or closed off she was when the blonde first came back and Mari feels that Kanan is slowly being her old self again- the Kanan that Mari have always loved, the huge dork who tries to act calm and cool but is a huge scaredy cat and then there's Dia. Dia who once initiated all of the pictures they took together, who'd gladly smile in front of the camera when they were kids, now, doesn't even like taking selfies or having her picture taken.

Mari doesn't even know why, she once Dia asked about it and the brunette just said "I don't see the point of those 'selfies'", complete with the air quotation thing.

And the blonde just stuck her tongue out and said, "Geez Dia, you sound like an old woman", which earned her a cheek pinching session for one whole minute.

Even when the blonde tries to snuck a picture of Dia in her natural state-which is always during when she's talking to Ruby or talking about idols- the brunette manages to catch her and cover her face, it became a game then. Mari tries to take pictures of Dia and the brunette tries to hide her face or when it's too late for the brunette to do that, she'd just make sure she's frowning deeply which made Dia into this walking frowning monster, that made all the students and even the other Aqours members fear her.

"Oi Mari, you really need to stop, Dia would always look so scary that I don't even know how to approach her sometimes", Kanan said one time but the blonde just smirked and said, "I don't lose Kanan, you should know that", the diver just sighed and muttered quietly to herself, "I love them but sometimes they're too much."

And it continues like that for a while, Mari would pester Dia with the camera and the brunette makes sure the blonde doesn't get a single good photo of her. At this point, Dia's getting tired but of them are stubborn and refuses to let the other win.

"Just smile one time Dia then it'd be over" Kanan would say but Dia won't let that eccentric righ girl to always get what she wants.

-

Autumn is here and Uchiura is so beautiful during this time of the year that Mari took so many pictures of everything and everyone, to the most random of things like a single leaf falling so slowly to her friends laughing as they play with all the leaves that has gathered on the ground. Everything feels and looks so beautiful that Mari's chest is blossoming with warmth and happiness as she basks in the gloriousness of this moment and she knows this is something she's going to hold dear, no matter how simple it is to some because that's the most beautiful thing to her.

They went to the park at Uchiura where they could see all the trees that once was bright green, now turning to brown, yellow or orange, and to some it may look sad because it means winter is coming and everything's going to perish soon but for the blonde, Autumn is so beautiful for it signifies how there's going to be an end for everything but that end doesn't mean it's bad but rather it's something beautiful which could lead to an even new beautiful beginning. These trees would soon sprout new leaves soon, and probably be even more vibrant than ever, and flowers would blossom again and everything would have color and be vibrant again. It's just a cycle, everything ends at some point, there are times when the world isn't as beautiful, there are times when the world is cold and cruel but that's okay because it's not always going to be like that, there'd be beautiful moments again and when it happens Mari would want to capture them, along with the people who made those dark moments still be as shiny and wonderful.

Mari grabs her camera and focuses on the Aqours members who are now setting up the picnic blanket, such a simple action but with everyone smiling and goofing off, the blonde wants to capture but as she hits the button, she's greeted with a terrible sound that informs her that her memory is full.

She looks at the gallery and saw that she indeed used up all the memory, she frowns at it and she can't help but feel upset at the thought of not being able to take more for today. She doesn't want to delete anything from her camera when she hasn't developed any of them yet- not even the blurred ones, and so with a heavy heart, the blonde turned it off and put it in her skirt's pocket.

Her amber eyes then noticed Dia, standing at the side, still looking strict as ever and Mari can't help but frown for a bit then sighed as she went over to the brunette.

"You know Dia, would it kill you to smile on this wonderful day?" Mari teased with a sly expression on her face.

If possible, Dia's frown just deepened, "No but I would not fall into your schemes."

The blonde groaned and showed Dia her digital camera, "Mou, my camera's memory is full, now you can stop with the whole frown monster thing."

The brunette eyes widened and steps back and Mari whispered "yikes" as she just realized that she slipped up, "F-f-frown monster?!" Dia shrieked and grabbed Mari's cheeks and pulled on it.

"Ahhhh Dia" Mari whined but the brunette continued to pull on her cheeks and when Dia finally decided to let go, Mari immediately rubbed her face for she isn't sure if her cheeks are the same as it was just a few moments ago, "That hurts a lot Dia-chan"

Dia glared at the blonde and crossed her arms, "Anyway, if you don't have anything to use for today you can borrow mine" she said and closed her eyes and turned her head away, not wanting to see the look on the blonde's face.

"YOUR CAMERA?!!" Mari shrieked excitedly, "I didn't even know you have one!"

Dia's eyes opened and emerald eyes looked pointedly at the blonde, "Of course I do! I use it for important occasions only unlike you."

"Everyday is important my dear Dia, you should know that."

Dia just let out a "hmmph" and took out her digital camera from her blazer and offered it to the eccentric blonde.

Mari gladly took it and went through the gallery immediately but then the blonde frowned when all her eyes met are blank space, "Huh? No photos yet?" she looked over to Dia who was fiddling with the ends of her blazer and refuses to make eye contact with the blonde.

"I just bought it" Dia said, still not meeting Mari's eyes.

The blonde giggled, and Mari's eyes suddenly widened at thought of how this is the perfect chance.

Mari held up the camera and faced it towards to her and Dia, "What do you say about being the first photo in it with me?"

The brunette just rolled her eyes and looked pointedly at the camera but then frowned when she felt a finger poke her cheek and a playful, "Come on Dia, shiny!" was heard before the sound of the camera clicking and capturing that moment with Mari.

Mari brought the camera down and looked at it, the blonde giggled at how adorable Dia looked with her mouth pressed together and looking like she's going to burst any moment, "You look cute Dia as always!"

Dia was taken aback with the blonde's statement, she always knew Mari was so forward with everything she does and say but she still loses her breath whenever the blonde would compliment her.

Dia just smiled softly at the blonde and was about to thank her when she heard another shutter of a camera, her whole body went still for a second but then, she turned to face where the noise came from and saw Kanan with her phone.

"Kanan-san you traitor!" Dia screamed as she ran towards the now running indigo-haired girl.

"But you looked so beautiful Dia!" Kanan screamed as she's being chased by the brunette.

Mari just laughed at the antics of her two best friends, she noticed how everyone at Aqours stopped what they were doing and just looked and are laughing at the two third years making a fool of themselves.

The blonde smiled widely and instantly took a photo of the laughing group and then towards the two shiniest and beautiful people in her life, the indigo-haired girl laughing her heart out, her arm with the camera raised up high as the brunette tries to get it, who doesn't look mad at all but rather looks close to laughing and finally losing that cool facade.

And so Mari takes multiple pictures of them and in each take she notices how Dia's mouth is forming to a tiny smile as she jumps to get the phone from Kanan's hand.

And when Dia finally reached the phone and got it, the brunette smiled and hit Kanan on the arms as the two laughed and Mari was filled with so much love with the scene in front of her especially to those two that she just stared at them and burned that view on her mind. She doesn't need a picture to remember this moment, it's going to be etched on her mind for as long as she lives.

Besides, it's better to see this precious moment unfold with her own very eyes and relish in it.

"Mari!"

The blonde was snapped out of her thoughts and saw Kanan and Dia approaching her.

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to take a picture with us?" Dia asks bashfully, the color red painting her beautiful cheeks.

Mari just smiled as she looked at her childhood friends, her heart soaring out of her chest at this very moment with that simple question and said, "Of course."

Mari has always been drawn to shiny and beautiful things, and most of those things are normal and simple to others but that's what so beautiful about them- normal and simple is beautiful for her no matter how eccentric and outrageous some people thought she can be, she relishes on those random simple moments because in a hectic life that she has that's connected with her last name, the simple things is a privilege that she would always want to have and something that she treasures the most and she would always want to capture it and remember it as much as she can.

[thealpharecords]

PARK KIRAN

AGE: Twenty-Two COMPANY: Alpha Records POSITION: Soloist/Lyricist FACECLAIM: Kim Hyojung (Hyorin) PLAYED BY: Randi

( trigger warning; divorce, abuse, runaway, car accident, and if i’m missing some i’m so so sorry )

Cries of a child rang through a silent hospital corridor late on Christmas Eve, she was here and graced with the name Kiran — The first daughter to a well known author mother and a father who was a photographer. She was their pride and joy — And as she grew up, she remained so in their eyes, especially so whenever she began to exude talent in dancing and then came the singing. It was as if she were a natural born talent, and her father and mother took notice upon how happy she was whenever she did both. So they took it upon themselves and put her through classes, both dancing and vocal. The dance classes started out as ballet, which soon developed to hip-hop, but she soon found herself leaning towards ballet again and stuck with it — It was beautiful, and she was happy with it throughout her childhood. Her vocal classes taught her technique, and her teacher, Mr. Choi taught her everything he knew and mentored her the best he could. She saw him more than she did her own father or mother, as they were both busy with their schedules. She could see the strain it put on her mother to always be working and away from her husband, and Kiran’s singing and dancing seemed to always cheer her up until the day she found out her parents were getting a divorce and her mother no longer wanted her in her life, her mother wanted no family. Kiran couldn’t believe what had happened, and instead of seeking solace in her father, she turned to her vocal coach and leaned on him for everything that she had went through. She slowly began to turn into his daughter rather than a student.

By the age of thirteen, she continued her dancing classes as well as sticking with Mr. Choi and helping him with younger pupils who had come to him — It was that very year she was suggested and pushed towards auditioning for Spotlight Productions, and at her side was her coach. But the years of training didn’t prevail, and she was turned down. She was upset, more upset than she said she was going to be, but she took Mr. Choi’s words and continued to practice harder and harder. Though, her father stepped in and took her away from what she had loved temporarily so that way they could move into a smaller, more convenient home for just the two of them — She was okay with this, due to it being closer to her coaches home and she knew she could sneak out when her father wasn’t home and go work on getting her vocals on point as she had wished so she could become the idol that everyone knew. But unknown to her, her father had other plans he hasn’t ran by her. He was planning a year away in America soon, and he wanted her to go with him. She couldn’t necessarily say no to her father, but she did. He didn’t take too well to her refusal and that was the first time she saw him angry — It scared her and that night she ran away to her favorite art gallery where Alex Choi, her coach came and brought her to his home where she stayed.

Her father’s drinking habits soon began to become more frequent the weeks leading up to his departure to America, and he became more violent — Resulting in her always running away from home, and staying where she knew she was safe.

At the age of sixteen she had asked her coach to adopt her, to take her away from the life she had been living and the life she hated with a burning passion, and he agreed — Not to adopt her, but to take her away. It wasn’t right for a teenager to move out so young, not in the eyes of the elders around the neighborhood, but Kiran didn’t care one bit how they looked at her, she needed out. Her father brushed her off, his condition not well and left for America without a single care for his own daughters safety or well being — Giving her a look of disapproval before he spat in her face and wished her the best in a sarcastic tone. But she was fine, she was happy living with her the man who truly acted like her father and made sure to make him proud — And that’s when he pushed her towards auditioning at Alpha records and finally after all that work she was accepted into the trainee program. She was more than happy, she was ecstatic ~ Though she soon found it to be hard to keep up with both her schooling and training to become the idol she so badly wanted to be.

She contemplated quitting, that was until she had finally finished her schooling and could give every hour of every day to her training even more — Though as she worked harder on her dancing and her singing, she began to soar above all the other trainees — Proving her worth and proving that she was here for the long run; Here for the win. She did get noticed however by a lowly staff member who had taken a liking to her, and being the oblivious girl she is to anyone’s actions, he took it upon himself and began to teach her a few things about writing, and his liking of the young girl grew until she had unknowingly agreed upon going on a date with him. And so she did, but the result of the date wasn’t one she couldn’t really remember — The only thing that she remembers is them driving in the snow, his hand going to her thigh and then waking up in the hospital a few hours later in pain. The car had hit a slick spot in the road and crashed into a guardrail, flipping them over a small hill on the other side and injuring both inside. He was hurt more than she was, but she did suffer back problems caused from the impact and had a few visible scars. It took her awhile to get back to how she was, and even once things were well again she still suffered from slight back pain every once and awhile — Though nobody knew about it except for the man she called her father now. And somehow the accident itself was isolated and nobody got news that it was a trainee and some man she worked alongside with, which of course she was more than thankful for.

Vigorous training continued, and for the longest time she thought she wasn’t getting anywhere and was going to be another trainee who would never debut — And for a while she really believed that. But she worked harder, and harder just to show that she was ready and finally at the age of nineteen she was giving an approval and that she was going to be up next for debut and she couldn’t believe the words she was hearing. She was set aside, and told she would be a solo artist rather than in a group and she was more than okay with the decision because she felt her voice was suited better alone rather than in a group of girls — And so she waited, rising rather quickly to the challenge and even persuaded management to go ahead with her  week and a half of training with a specific song and a whole week and a half taking promotional images. She was ready. They saw it as well.

A few months had passed and another birthday as well, she was another year older and another day closer to D-Day — And finally, there it was. She was nervous but she was a hit, her powerhouse vocals overwhelming for some, not realizing that such a voice could belong to such a small girl. People were praising her vocals. She couldn’t quite believe it, but watched as everyone continued to support her through her ventures no matter what she did. She was going to be the next big thing in South Korea, she knew it, she wanted it. This was her dream. She would be the best. She would be Queen and reign supreme.

The years after her debut, she worked harder on her lyric writing abilities — Not only writing things for herself but also providing songs for the groups that had worked in her company. It was really a breath of fresh air, helping out in something else she had grew to love as she wrote what she believed would be a masterpiece for a comeback if she were to ever have one — The free time gave her a chance to work on everything she had neglected, her dancing and prompted in her improving her rapping skills. She just wanted to be a triple threat, knowing very well that there will always be someone prettier and younger, but she promised herself to work on keeping the attention on her and improving everything she did.

Personality: Kiran is naturally a friendly person, exuding charisma and confidence that simply enchants people around her into liking her a little more than before. She’s the type to form friendships easily, given her carefree demeanor and attitude towards life itself. And once her friend, she takes care of people, treating the ride or die’s like family until the very end. On the other hand, she’s stubborn and quick to be mad if certain things don’t go as planned or to be more exact, her way. She’s even quicker to get herself in check and back to reality, feeling slightly embarrassed after expressing her stubborn ways in front of others so openly. Basically, in short — She is the same on stage as she is off of stage.

Honestly, she doesn’t quite care too much about the rivalry between the companies. Never really cared much either, even though it is competition for herself and her company she still didn’t care. She doesn’t feel too affected by the competition, people will either like her or not.

[taylorwarren]

I know you are struggling right now. You are not the prettiest, or the thinnest, or the best at dancing at the Laine Theatre Arts college. You have never properly fitted in, although you are sharing your Surrey school digs with really nice girls. You have bad acne. You think the principal has put you at the back of the end-of-year show (in a humiliatingly bright purple Lycra leotard) because you are too plump to go at the front. (This may or may not be true.) There is a red telephone box outside the school and you have just rung your parents, crying, “I can’t do this, I miss home, I’m not good enough.” And Mum has told you to come home. “We’ll go to Lakeside and buy a new pair of shoes,” she said. It’s tempting. But then Dad got on the phone: “Stay there, prove everyone wrong.” If you’d listened to Mum, you would be going to Lakeside. (Shoes are important, just not right now.) It would be the easy solution. And I’m writing to jolly you along, to offer consolation and encouragement, and to tell you, aged 18, to be strong. You haven’t forgotten being bullied at school, have you? Do you recall that first day at secondary school? Most children were wearing their own coats and had the latest cool bag, but not you. Kitted out in the full St Mary’s High School uniform, you stood in the freezing playground while other teenagers walking past threw soggy tissues and old Coke cans that they plucked from the puddles. But the thick skin that you developed then is already standing you in good stead, and it will do so for the rest of your life. Your complexion will sort itself out (in fact you will launch your own make-up brand); as soon as the Eighties are over, your perm will die down, and your weight will settle itself. At school you eat Super Noodles and boxes of Frosties because they say they are fat free, and you will endure many other silly fad diets (including an addiction to green juices). Instead, learn to embrace your imperfections – that is what I want to tell you. Let your skin breathe; wear less make-up. (And don’t ever let that make-up artist shave your eyebrows! The effects last forever.) You will always be addicted to Elnett hairspray but you will tone it down. Less of the “Hello! I just got stuck in a wind tunnel”, please. And I should probably say, don’t mess with your boobs. All those years I denied it – stupid. A sign of insecurity. Just celebrate what you’ve got. Do answer an ad in The Stage, looking for candidates to form a new girl band. Line up around the block and audition to change your life. You love musicals – Miss Saigon, Cats, Starlight Express and Les Misérables – so you will perform “Mein Herr” from Cabaret, while everyone else sings a Madonna song. You haven’t yet heard of the internet or electronic mail or smartphones. Nor have you perfected the art of the selfie for Instagram (you can’t even turn on a computer right now, and Dad still drives to London to send a telex). But one day you will find that audition performance again online, and at the same time discover that your name brings up 47,800,000 search results on Google. The judges of the competition will match you to four other girls, all misfits in their own ways. Together you will make it OK to look different. And, as the Spice Girls, you will sell 75 million records. You cannot possibly imagine your future life right now. You will travel on private planes, visit incredible countries, stay in fantastic hotels. (At the beginning, you will steal the hotel mini shampoos, shower gels and conditioners, but you soon realise that they leak in your suitcase – often disastrously.) You will storm into people’s offices, leap on to tables in hotels and go crazy (although you will also be the one checking that the table isn’t going to collapse). You will meet Nelson Mandela, Mariah Carey and Elton John. But please, I implore you, keep a diary. There will be so many amazing moments, and you will forget. There will also be down days and bad days. You will often be so busy that you will be in a different country every day. And being young and a bit silly, you’ll complain and sit in hotel rooms and moan about being tired. Go out and see the country where you are. Go to galleries, go to museums. Soak up the culture. You are lucky to be there. If you don’t join the Spice Girls, you might always be that insecure person in that little shell, and you will never become who you truly are. With this in mind, be kind, be polite, be considerate of others’ feelings, because I know that every one of us would sit here now and say they’re not the main culprit, but we didn’t fully appreciate each other a lot of the time. So practise what you preach when you sing “friendship never ends”, and celebrate everyone’s uniqueness. You are going to have so much fun with your clothes – PVC catsuits; chokers that say absurd things; weird spiky blonde hair. It will never occur to you that you appear ridiculous. You will turn up at awards ceremonies resembling a drag queen. But I look back at you and smile. It will add interest to your life to go from one extreme to another. I love the fact that you will feel free to express yourself. Fashion will take on added stature one day, but try not to be stifled by it. You will learn, as you mature, to swap heels for Stan Smith trainers, minidresses for crisp white shirts. And you will never be one of those people who just roll out of bed. Wear sunglasses a lot. Even inside. Especially at airports. They turn a nothing-outfit into something quite pulled together and cool. You are going to really like Aviators. (Then one day you will develop your own!) On boyfriends and lasting love: learn more about football, especially the offside rule. And yes, love at first sight does exist. It will happen to you in the Manchester United players’ lounge – although you will get a little drunk, so exact details are hazy. While the other football players stand at the bar drinking with their mates, you will see David standing aside with his family. (He’s not even in the first team at this stage – you are the famous one.) And he has such a cute smile. You, too, are close to your family, and you will think how similar he feels to you. He’s going to ask for your number. (He still has the London-to-Manchester plane ticket on which you wrote it.) I’m afraid that most of your first dates will be in car parks, which is not as seedy as it sounds. It is because your manager, Simon Fuller, will warn you, “Don’t let anyone see you out together or you’ll get hounded.” At the time, you won’t understand why. You are going to be very, very famous, both for the band you form and because of the man you marry, and then later for a fashion business you will launch in your own name. You will get used to fame. Although you cannot set a price on losing privacy, you will learn to use celebrity to your advantage. For good things. For charity. One day you will have the privilege to campaign on behalf of the United Nations to end mother-to-child transmission of HIV and Aids in Africa. And people will listen. Changes will happen. That is not to say you won’t be affected by what you see of yourself in the press. It will hurt you when people comment on your weight. It will continue to upset you whatever age you are, because we women are very tough on ourselves. The paparazzi will become part of your life, their long lenses waiting. Some are nice, some not. They may make your children cry, or they may give you a compliment – but you will not be able to control every image they publish. When you are pregnant with Brooklyn, they will snap you sitting by the pool at the Four Seasons Hotel in Los Angeles in a black-and-white bikini, and the picture will make the front page of a British newspaper. It is an unkind shot and so upsetting that for the rest of the tour you will barely leave your hotel or sit outside. And I’m the same now. Do I relax on the beach in a bikini? No. I am still hugely self-critical, and because of that I can be a little uptight. My 60-year-old self would probably say the same thing to me as I am telling you now: enjoy yourself a little more. Be less image-conscious. Learn to relax. You are going to make mistakes – of course you are. You will be super-super-successful, but you will find out that you can lose it all much more quickly than you can earn it. That is a hard lesson to learn. Collectively, I now see, the Spice Girls were victims of our own success, believing we could do anything, that the sky was the limit, that we could do it all on our own. You will learn from that, and when you have another opportunity you will not lose it again. On being a mother: once you are a parent, you worry. And you are going to have four, so that’s a lot of worry! Mum likes to say, “You might be 42, but I still worry about you.” Children mean that you will be constantly tired and will develop big bags under your eyes. Your children will always come first, but never forget who you are and what you want to achieve. Is it possible to have it all? To be a successful working mother? You will hear this question asked by many women as you grow older. What you will realise is that by working hard, yet always putting family first, it will be possible to achieve that balance. Nothing will be perfect, but it is only now that I have learnt to appreciate all I have and all I have been blessed with. I am happy. A word on school sports day: never wear platform heels and flares if you have to take part in the mothers’ race. And never believe another mum when she says she will stick with you at the back of the race. Because she won’t. And when they announce, “It’s the taking part that counts,” it’s not. It’s all about winning. You will shout at home but never at work. Be a nice boss. Ultimately, go with what you think, but don’t smother those who are talented. (If they are not, then admittedly I get frustrated – I’m not very tolerant.) On marriage: have patience. Bite your tongue. Be supportive. And preserve a bit of mystique. Never let yourself go completely (at least brush your hair, clean your teeth, have a bit of a brow going on because you will always want him to look at you and feel attracted). Always make time for each other. Because if you don’t, everything will revolve around the children and I’m not sure how sexy that is! And do not forget the person you fell in love with. You will follow your man around the world, moving from Manchester to Spain, and then America. In Spain you will revel in watching him enjoy some of his best footballing days. Spain is also where you will lay the foundations for your own fashion brand by collaborating with others on denim and sunglasses. But I need to warn you: a lot of your time there will be really hard. I’m not afraid to say now what a horribly difficult time it was. People will say awful things. You will be a laughing stock. Every time you turn on the television or look at a newspaper it will seem as though someone is having a go at you and your family. You will learn how mean other women can be. (And it will teach you always to support the women around you, to take them on a journey with you.) Others would crack under the pressure, but you won’t. Use that time to close off, to focus, work hard and protect the children. In relationships people will throw obstacles in your way, and you either manoeuvre around them or you trip up. You will never discuss with David how many children you both want; you don’t say to each other, “Where shall we live?” You don’t discuss any of that because you will be young and in love. Even when you don’t necessarily want the same thing, your support for each other will mean that you will stick together and grow up together. And it will be worth it. Most days, you will look at your life and think, “Wow! I was never the one who was supposed to get all this.” I want to tell you that I still feel that way now. Recently I was in New York for the British Vogue cover shoot in a penthouse at the Carlyle hotel. I looked out of the window and I could see the sun shining and all the yellow cabs below and I pinched myself. You are going to have many of those moments. Don’t take them for granted.

[thepoolscene]

The Pool Scene - Amar Kang, Raj Hundal - World Cup of Pool

New Post on http://thepoolscene.com/?p=21995

Indian swagger ousts lacklustre England A

Spain 7-6 Romania

Scotland 7-6 New Zealand

India 7-4 England A

THE FIRST BIG upset of the 12BET World Cup of Pool happened in the final match of the evening session on the opening day as the Indian pair of Amar Kang and Raj Hundal took out England A, one of the pre-tournament favourites.

Featuring 32 two-man teams from around the globe, the 12BET World Cup of Pool is into its 11th year as reigning champions Chinese Taipei attempt to become the first team ever to successfully defend the title at the York Hall.

The England pair of Mark Gray and Darren Appleton were clearly not at their best, in particular Gray, who made a series of gaffes to help India on their way.

Hundal and Kang though had plenty of team spirit and with the backing of a big and noisy crowd, they held up under the pressure to close the match out.

A delighted Hundal said, “Amar was brought up in California, I was born and raised in London and we represent our motherland. But every time I get out and play I put London on my back. With everything that has happened in London recently, we want to dedicate that to the people of London.

“Our fans are brilliant. We are from a city of love and these guys have love for us and we are lucky to have them.

“Mark and Darren are both great guys who have won big tournaments. There is a mutual respect and on paper they are the favourites but if you ask them in a race to 7, it is a toss of a coin.”

Spain, with World Pool Masters champion David Alcaide at the helm, survived an almighty scare, as they trailed Romania 6-4 and looked scuppered. However, after playing so poorly in the opening stages, they played their best pool of the evening as they took the next three racks to edge past a disappointed Romanian pair of Robert Braga and Ioan Ladanyi.

The Scottish duo of Jayson Shaw and Pat Holtz found themselves looking down both barrels managed to slip past the New Zealand duo of Matt Edwards and Toar Dotulong. The Kiwis had stuck with the Scots as they trailed throughout and at 6-4 down looked buried.

However, they made it back to the table and won the next two to find themselves breaking for the match. With positioning tough, it was Edwards who missed a difficult 4 ball up table and from there the Scots ran out for the win.

Commented Shaw, “I didn’t feel comfortable because it was so hot in the arena. I am 100 per cent sure that next match I won’t be feeling like I am today. I have three days now to get myself into the gym and get myself feeling good and when Friday comes I will be a lot fresher than I am today.

“Race to 7 is tough. These are great players you are playing against. It is important to get the win under your belt. Sometimes it is a bit scrappy but a win is a win and we are into the next round,” added Holtz.

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Broadcast for six days live on Sky Sports in the UK; the tournament is available live in over 100 countries around the world. A comprehensive list of countries and networks broadcasting the World Cup of Pool can be found here: http://www.matchroompool.com/world-cup-of-pool/#watchlive

The 12BET World Cup of Pool will carry a $250,000 prize fund including $60,000 for the champions. The event will be produced by Matchroom Sport Television and televised live on Sky Sports as well as other stations around the world.

12BET World Cup of Pool Tickets are on sale now at www.matchroompool.com   priced at just £10.00 per evening session (Tuesday to Sunday) and £8.00 per weekend afternoon session. Tuesday to Friday afternoons are free. A season ticket covering all sessions is priced at £60.00.

2017 12BET World Cup of Pool is sponsored by Rasson Billiards who supplies the Official Table; the cloth is supplied by Iwan Simonis and the Official Balls are Super Aramith by Saluc. Predator is the Official Cue and Chalk of the event.

[shabby-xo]

Dear Victoria,

I know you are struggling right now. You are not the prettiest, or the thinnest, or the best at dancing at the Laine Theatre Arts college. You have never properly fitted in, although you are sharing your Surrey school digs with really nice girls. You have bad acne. You think the principal has put you at the back of the end-of-year show (in a humiliatingly bright purple Lycra leotard) because you are too plump to go at the front. (This may or may not be true.)

There is a red telephone box outside the school and you have just rung your parents, crying, “I can’t do this, I miss home, I’m not good enough.” And Mum has told you to come home. “We’ll go to Lakeside and buy a new pair of shoes,” she said. It’s tempting. But then Dad got on the phone: “Stay there, prove everyone wrong.” If you’d listened to Mum, you would be going to Lakeside. (Shoes are important, just not right now.) It would be the easy solution. And I’m writing to jolly you along, to offer consolation and encouragement, and to tell you, aged 18, to be strong.

You haven’t forgotten being bullied at school, have you? Do you recall that first day at secondary school? Most children were wearing their own coats and had the latest cool bag, but not you. Kitted out in the full St Mary’s High School uniform, you stood in the freezing playground while other teenagers walking past threw soggy tissues and old Coke cans that they plucked from the puddles. But the thick skin that you developed then is already standing you in good stead, and it will do so for the rest of your life.

Your complexion will sort itself out (in fact you will launch your own make-up brand); as soon as the Eighties are over, your perm will die down, and your weight will settle itself. At school you eat Super Noodles and boxes of Frosties because they say they are fat free, and you will endure many other silly fad diets (including an addiction to green juices). Instead, learn to embrace your imperfections – that is what I want to tell you. Let your skin breathe; wear less make-up. (And don’t ever let that make-up artist shave your eyebrows! The effects last forever.) You will always be addicted to Elnett hairspray but you will tone it down. Less of the “Hello! I just got stuck in a wind tunnel”, please. And I should probably say, don’t mess with your boobs. All those years I denied it – stupid. A sign of insecurity. Just celebrate what you’ve got.

Do answer an ad in The Stage, looking for candidates to form a new girl band. Line up around the block and audition to change your life. You love musicals – Miss Saigon, Cats, Starlight Express and Les Misérables – so you will perform “Mein Herr” from Cabaret, while everyone else sings a Madonna song. You haven’t yet heard of the internet or electronic mail or smartphones. Nor have you perfected the art of the selfie for Instagram (you can’t even turn on a computer right now, and Dad still drives to London to send a telex). But one day you will find that audition performance again online, and at the same time discover that your name brings up 47,800,000 search results on Google.

The judges of the competition will match you to four other girls, all misfits in their own ways. Together you will make it OK to look different. And, as the Spice Girls, you will sell 75 million records. You cannot possibly imagine your future life right now. You will travel on private planes, visit incredible countries, stay in fantastic hotels. (At the beginning, you will steal the hotel mini shampoos, shower gels and conditioners, but you soon realise that they leak in your suitcase – often disastrously.) You will storm into people’s offices, leap on to tables in hotels and go crazy (although you will also be the one checking that the table isn’t going to collapse). You will meet Nelson Mandela, Mariah Carey and Elton John. But please, I implore you, keep a diary. There will be so many amazing moments, and you will forget.

There will also be down days and bad days. You will often be so busy that you will be in a different country every day. And being young and a bit silly, you’ll complain and sit in hotel rooms and moan about being tired. Go out and see the country where you are. Go to galleries, go to museums. Soak up the culture. You are lucky to be there. If you don’t join the Spice Girls, you might always be that insecure person in that little shell, and you will never become who you truly are. With this in mind, be kind, be polite, be considerate of others’ feelings, because I know that every one of us would sit here now and say they’re not the main culprit, but we didn’t fully appreciate each other a lot of the time. So practise what you preach when you sing “friendship never ends”, and celebrate everyone’s uniqueness.

You are going to have so much fun with your clothes – PVC catsuits; chokers that say absurd things; weird spiky blonde hair. It will never occur to you that you appear ridiculous. You will turn up at awards ceremonies resembling a drag queen. But I look back at you and smile. It will add interest to your life to go from one extreme to another. I love the fact that you will feel free to express yourself. Fashion will take on added stature one day, but try not to be stifled by it. You will learn, as you mature, to swap heels for Stan Smith trainers, minidresses for crisp white shirts. And you will never be one of those people who just roll out of bed. Wear sunglasses a lot. Even inside. Especially at airports. They turn a nothing-outfit into something quite pulled together and cool. You are going to really like Aviators. (Then one day you will develop your own!)

On boyfriends and lasting love: learn more about football, especially the offside rule. And yes, love at first sight does exist. It will happen to you in the Manchester United players’ lounge – although you will get a little drunk, so exact details are hazy. While the other football players stand at the bar drinking with their mates, you will see David standing aside with his family. (He’s not even in the first team at this stage – you are the famous one.) And he has such a cute smile. You, too, are close to your family, and you will think how similar he feels to you. He’s going to ask for your number. (He still has the London-to-Manchester plane ticket on which you wrote it.) I’m afraid that most of your first dates will be in car parks, which is not as seedy as it sounds. It is because your manager, Simon Fuller, will warn you, “Don’t let anyone see you out together or you’ll get hounded.” At the time, you won’t understand why.

You are going to be very, very famous, both for the band you form and because of the man you marry, and then later for a fashion business you will launch in your own name. You will get used to fame. Although you cannot set a price on losing privacy, you will learn to use celebrity to your advantage. For good things. For charity. One day you will have the privilege to campaign on behalf of the United Nations to end mother-to-child transmission of HIV and Aids in Africa. And people will listen. Changes will happen. That is not to say you won’t be affected by what you see of yourself in the press. It will hurt you when people comment on your weight. It will continue to upset you whatever age you are, because we women are very tough on ourselves.

The paparazzi will become part of your life, their long lenses waiting. Some are nice, some not. They may make your children cry, or they may give you a compliment – but you will not be able to control every image they publish. When you are pregnant with Brooklyn, they will snap you sitting by the pool at the Four Seasons Hotel in Los Angeles in a black-and-white bikini, and the picture will make the front page of a British newspaper. It is an unkind shot and so upsetting that for the rest of the tour you will barely leave your hotel or sit outside. And I’m the same now. Do I relax on the beach in a bikini? No. I am still hugely self-critical, and because of that I can be a little uptight. My 60-year-old self would probably say the same thing to me as I am telling you now: enjoy yourself a little more. Be less image-conscious. Learn to relax. You are going to make mistakes – of course you are. You will be super-super-successful, but you will find out that you can lose it all much more quickly than you can earn it. That is a hard lesson to learn. Collectively, I now see, the Spice Girls were victims of our own success, believing we could do anything, that the sky was the limit, that we could do it all on our own. You will learn from that, and when you have another opportunity you will not lose it again.

On being a mother: once you are a parent, you worry. And you are going to have four, so that’s a lot of worry! Mum likes to say, “You might be 42, but I still worry about you.” Children mean that you will be constantly tired and will develop big bags under your eyes. Your children will always come first, but never forget who you are and what you want to achieve. Is it possible to have it all? To be a successful working mother? You will hear this question asked by many women as you grow older. What you will realise is that by working hard, yet always putting family first, it will be possible to achieve that balance. Nothing will be perfect, but it is only now that I have learnt to appreciate all I have and all I have been blessed with. I am happy.

A word on school sports day: never wear platform heels and flares if you have to take part in the mothers’ race. And never believe another mum when she says she will stick with you at the back of the race. Because she won’t. And when they announce, “It’s the taking part that counts,” it’s not. It’s all about winning. You will shout at home but never at work. Be a nice boss. Ultimately, go with what you think, but don’t smother those who are talented. (If they are not, then admittedly I get frustrated – I’m not very tolerant.)

On marriage: have patience. Bite your tongue. Be supportive. And preserve a bit of mystique. Never let yourself go completely (at least brush your hair, clean your teeth, have a bit of a brow going on because you will always want him to look at you and feel attracted). Always make time for each other. Because if you don’t, everything will revolve around the children and I’m not sure how sexy that is! And do not forget the person you fell in love with. You will follow your man around the world, moving from Manchester to Spain, and then America. In Spain you will revel in watching him enjoy some of his best footballing days. Spain is also where you will lay the foundations for your own fashion brand by collaborating with others on denim and sunglasses.

But I need to warn you: a lot of your time there will be really hard. I’m not afraid to say now what a horribly difficult time it was. People will say awful things. You will be a laughing stock. Every time you turn on the television or look at a newspaper it will seem as though someone is having a go at you and your family. You will learn how mean other women can be. (And it will teach you always to support the women around you, to take them on a journey with you.) Others would crack under the pressure, but you won’t. Use that time to close off, to focus, work hard and protect the children. In relationships people will throw obstacles in your way, and you either manoeuvre around them or you trip up. You will never discuss with David how many children you both want; you don’t say to each other, “Where shall we live?” You don’t discuss any of that because you will be young and in love. Even when you don’t necessarily want the same thing, your support for each other will mean that you will stick together and grow up together. And it will be worth it.

Most days, you will look at your life and think, “Wow! I was never the one who was supposed to get all this.” I want to tell you that I still feel that way now. Recently I was in New York for the British Vogue cover shoot in a penthouse at the Carlyle hotel. I looked out of the window and I could see the sun shining and all the yellow cabs below and I pinched myself. You are going to have many of those moments. Don’t take them for granted.