#that said why does he look better in the 2005 animated movie than he does now in 2023. why did they spike his hair on the side like that

[redrobemerle]

when the remake trailer with vincent first dropped, i saw a surprising number of people complain about the length of vincents hair? (not a lot, but enough to be noticeable and memorable)

and dont get me wrong, i also feel like vincents hair should be longer, but i didnt expect it to be in the remake, because its been roughly this length in every official installment of ffvii?

as you can see here, even in the original official art, his hair really isnt even that long in the OG, he just has. kinda weird proportions? i think people may have just been conflating vincent and sephiroth sharing a base model with them sharing hair length, which both ignores both the software limitations that existed in the game and also that most peoples hair does actually have a limit to how long it will grow (also I just noticed hes not practicing proper trigger discipline here. bad vincent!)

okay rrm, but thats just the og! they changed his design for Advent Children and Dirge of Cerberus!

true, they did! but here he is in Advent Children:

still working with about the same length here

and Dirge of Cerberus:

which is not only the same length, but finally adds something to the design-- texture and character.

in every other iteration, his hair has been very straight and smooth, but in DoC, its got flyaways, and the bottom of his hair has slight curls. the way they stylized the flyaways to be all spiky to represent chaos living in vincents body wouldnt really....work? with the hyperealistic style that they're going for with the remake? but he could still have them. and the specific way the hair is wavy at the bottom really makes it feel like its been tangled together because he was sleeping for 30 years and therefore not brushing his fucking hair

i dunno. it just feels like they made a really strong character decision with his hair for Dirge of Cerberus and then they walked it back for the remake. and i dont know that I like that they did. so its bonkers to me that the length is what some people were complaining about

[ids in alt text]

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

Jason with his time in the league of assassins

Talia walks into the small modest room where Jason is livening in while he gets back on his feet, having a bunch of brain functions recovered takes a while to get used to. he's been doing physical therapy and occupational therapy for the last couple months, his dexterity isn't exactly back yet.

Talia: Jason? what are you doing?

Jason: well there's this thing I always wanted to try called stop motion animation, and well you got some lego's for Dami but he's a bit too small for them so.. I took them and have been animating. I was bored in-between everything, you don't have any good books I haven't already read.

Talia: well that is an acceptable pass time, what are you making?

Jason: oh it's a weird comedy spoof for kids about batman and the joker being nemesis's, I wanted to make it for Dami since well he doesn't know much about him or the other ones and he's only 3 and well it doesn't seem like much but the time I'm done he'll be 5 and be able to enjoy it. i don't know talia I'm bored and want to make something for him.

Talia: very well, if you so wish. I can get some people in to help you make it if you wish.

Jason: really?

Talia: yes, I can. it does sound like a nice gift.

Jason: oh thank you!

Many months of therapy complete, he starts to retrain and regain all the fighting skills he lost and learn some new ones. in the meanwhile, Jason and 3 other people have been making a complete feature film for Damian who's just turned 4, they were about halfway done and it was looking good.

Talia: so how's it coming along?

Jason: it's been hard and hurts like a bitch, but I'm getting better at flips!

Talia: no. not that, I mean the movie?

Jason: oh it's halfway done! me and the one man and 2 women are doing great we reshot the opening, and we are more than 68% done! so it will be ready by Dami's birthday.

Talia: he will enjoy it I believe.

Jason: of course he would, it's his first ever kids movie!

Talia: why yes it is!

many many many more months pass and it becomes Dami's 5th birthday and Jason and his crew had wrapped up, the voice acting was done mostly by himself, and the crew but he asked some of the league for other voices. eventually after scoring and mixing they met the deadline. they set up the league theatre and put the movie on.

lego batman: [voice over] Black. All important movies start with a black screen... And music... Edgy, scary music that would make a parent or studio executive nervous... And logos... Really long and dramatic logos... Warner Bros. Why not "Warner Brothers"? I don't know... Hmm... Not sure what LOA does, but that logo is macho. I dig it... Okay. Get yourself ready for some... reading. "If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change. Hooo." No. I said that. Batman is very wise. I also have huge pecs and a nine-pack. Yeah, I've got an extra ab. Now, let's start the movie.

Dami: momma? what's the movie about?

talia: your father

lego Alfred Pennyworth: Were you looking at the old family pictures again?

lego Batman: At the what? The old family... Oh, yes! I see what you mean. Look at that! The old gang. Yeah. No, I wasn't.

lego Alfred Pennyworth: I see. Sir, if you don't mind my saying, I'm a little concerned. I've seen you go through similar phases in 2001 and 2006 and 2008 and 2005 and 1997 and 1995 and 1992 and 1989 and that weird one in 1999. Do you want to talk about how you're feeling right now?

lego Batman: I don't talks about feelings, Alfred. I don't have any, I've never seen one. I'm a night-stalking, crime-fighting vigilante, and a heavy metal rapping machine. I don't feel anything emotionally, except for rage. 24/7, 365, at a million percent. And if you think that there's something behind that, then you're crazy. Good night, Alfred.

lego Alfred Pennyworth: Sir, it's morning..

Talia: *laughs*

Dami: *chuckles*

Jason: *smiles with accomplishment*

lego Batman: [Batman's song] Who never skips leg day?

Chorus: Batman!

lego Batman: Who always pays their taxes?

lego Batman, Chorus: Not Batman!

Talia: *wails with laughter*

Dami: what are taxes?

Jason: you'll know when you get older don't worry about it

The lego Joker: Are you seriously saying there is nothing, nothing special about our relationship?

lego Batman: Whoa. Let me tell you something, J-bird. Batman doesn't do 'ships.

The lego Joker: [Confused] What?

lego Batman: As in "relationships." There is no "us." Batman and Joker are not a thing. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. You mean nothing to me. No one does.

Talia: that is your father's arch-nemesis the joker

Dami: oh okay

Jason: please kill him for me

dami: okay Jason, i will avagange, e-venge, avenge your honour!

Jason: you have no idea what that means to me buddy *wipes away a tear*

Lego Robin: My name's Richard Grayson, but all the kids at the orphanage call me Dick.

Lego Batman: Well, children can be cruel.

Jason: when I first heard dick's name I unironically thought everyone was just calling him a dickhead so much that the name dick stuck, but nope turns out it's short for Richard. he even changed his name to dick, I personally would never. but he pulls it off flawlessly. *chuckles*

talia: I did not know mr Grayson preferred to be called Dick.

Dami: who's dick then?

Jason: oh he's your older brother.

Lego Robin: What? [Sees Batcave]

Lego Robin: It's the Batcave! Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygooo-! [Bumps into Batman]

Lego Robin: Batman, woah!

Lego Batman: You're darn right, woah!

Lego Robin: Wait, does Batman live in Bruce Wayne's basement?

Lego Batman: No, Bruce Wayne lives in Batman's attic.

Talia: *DIES OF LAUGHTER* oh Jason this is amazing.

Jason: I wish to impress!

Lego Robin: Hey, I was thinking. If I'm gonna be a superhero, and go on awesome superhero missions like this one, can we use code names? Mine can be Robin.

Lego Batman: I'm sorry, say that again?

Lego Robin: Robin.

Lego Batman: As in the small, Midwestern frail bird?

Lego Robin: Yeah, and I already have a catch phrase. Tweet, tweet, on the street.

Lego Batman: Hard pass.

Lego Robin: And a song. [singing]

Lego Robin: Fly, Robin, fly.

Lego Batman: Harder pass.

dami: *laughs so hard he coughs*

talia: habbibi careful, don't laugh so hard you will hurt yourself

Jason: honestly yeah you can hurt yourself badly.

LegoRobin: Wow! Look, it's the Bat-Sub!

Lego Batman: Wait, don't touch that!

Lego Robin: Over there! It's the Bat-Space Shuttle!

Lego Batman: Please keep your hands off that.

Lego Robin: Look, it's the Bat-Zeppelin!

Lego Batman: Don't touch that, either!

Lego Robin: It's the Bat-Train!

Lego Batman: No!

Lego Robin: It's the Bat-Kayak!

Lego Batman: No!

Lego Robin: It's the Bat-Dune Buggy!

Lego Batman: No!

Lego Robin: It's the Bat... Shark Repellent?

Lego Batman: [pause] Uh, actually, you can touch that. It's completely useless.

Talia: shark repelent is actually a quite useful invention why is bruce beloved not recognising it's full potential?

Jason: keep watching

Dami: does father have all those things?

Jason: sure does!

Lego Batman: We are gonna steal the Phantom Zone projector from Superman.

Lego Robin: [frowns] Steal?

Lego Batman: Yeah. We have to right a wrong. And sometimes, in order to right a wrong, you have to do a wrong-right. Gandhi said that.

Lego Robin: Are we sure Gandhi said that?

Lego Batman: I'm paraphrasing.

Talia: *laughs*

Dami: *laughs so hard he starts coughing AGAIN*

Jason: ghandi so said that btw.

lego Jim Gordon: [sees Robin for the first time] Who is that?

lego Robin: Hi, police man!

lego Jim Gordon: Is that your son?

Lego Robin: Yes, I am!

Lego Batman: [laughs nervously] Is that my son? No, that's just weird.

Lego Jim Gordon: It's weirder if it's not your son.

Jason: this interaction is based off an actual interaction between jimmy and Dick.

[batman and robin arrive at the fortress of solitude]

lego Batman: Hey, kid!

lego Robin: Yes, sir?

lego Batman: You're super nimble, right?

lego Robin: I sure am!

lego Batman: And small?

lego Robin: Very.

lego Batman: And quiet?

lego Robin: [whispering] When I desire to be.

lego Batman: And 110% expendable?

lego Robin: I don't know what that means, but okay!

Jason: bruce really did not know how to deal with a 11 year old child hellbent on murdering a mob boss, so he kept bringing him along on incredibly dangerous missions, it was always fine in the end but this sort of situation happened once.

Talia: really?

Jason: the expendable part was from a wayne tech family event, and they crushed it. but dick had to sacrifice himself to help bruce win, it was so funny. I was there.

Lego Batman: White. All important movies end with a white screen.

Talia, jason, the other 70 league of assassin members and Damien break out into applause for the movie.

Jason: THANK YOU ALL, but special thanks to Gerald, and lily and Rin!!!! I WOULD HAVE NEVNER FINISHED IT WITHOUT YOU THANK YOUUUUUUU

the audience bursts into a large uproar of applause.

Prev | current | Next

[tootiredmotel]

For @one-more-offbeat-anthem 's 1k follower celebration. The prompt was "sickfics" and I've never written a sickfic in my life so, naturally, I adapted a scene from one of my comfort movies (Fever Pitch, 2005). HUGE congrats on your milestone love!!!

read on ao3 or below (1.5k words)

Castiel should've known better than to listen to his brother regarding food. They have wildly different palates, and why he agreed to accompany Gabriel to lunch at some newly-opened new-age restaurant with barely any reviews, he'll never know. He wasn't thinking.

He could think even less that night, hunched over the toilet with food poisoning while his date knocked on his apartment door.

As soon as he could, Castiel scrambled to his feet and wobbled over to open it, his over-excitable golden retriever on his heels. Dean stood there in a nice leather jacket, all dapper and first-date-ready with a bouquet of flowers in his hand, and it broke Castiel's heart to have to tell him:

"I'm sick."

He was sure it was evident in his eyes, death breath, hair sticking out in all directions from holding his head above the toilet, but he said it anyway.

"I'm really sick, I'm sorry. Come back tomorrow."

Castiel went to close the door, but Dean took a cautious step, bouquet forgotten at his side. "Sick how? You in pain? Do you need anything?"

"I just-" Castiel swallowed forcefully. "I ate at this new restaurant and-"

Just thinking about it made him run to the bathroom again, and he almost didn't make it on time. He barely registered Dean, still at the doorway, say something about Castiel (Cas, he called him) not needing to fake it if he didn't want to go out with him. A few seconds later, the door closed, and Castiel (still puking) thought that was that. He blew it with the handsome schoolteacher, all thanks to his brother's awful culinary taste.

His dog's wasn't so far behind. "Honey, please don't eat that," he reprimanded her, failing to shoo her out of the bathroom.

When he felt he was done, for the time being at least, he tried to stand. He was weak, and for a second he thought he might split his head open on the toilet seat, but then Dean was there, hands on his waist, helping him up. "I got you," said Dean, over and over again, and Castiel believed him.

Dean helped him to his bed where he tried to sit him down, but Castiel must've been weaker than he thought. He flopped backward, and then Dean cautiously lifted his head and placed a pillow underneath.

"Thank you."

"Got some more comfortable clothes? Something to sleep in?"

It's then Cas remembered he was already dressed for the date, slacks and a white button-up (probably grossly stained, he hated to think), and pointed Dean to a drawer.

A second later Dean was gently hoisting him back to his feet, strong hands at his sides, saying "Here, I'll help you change. Promise I won't look. Too much, I won't look too much."

And that actually made Castiel chuckle.

Dean unbuckled and took off his slacks first, replacing them with sweatpants. It was a slow, quiet process, and Dean only spoke up after he'd taken off Castiel's tie and shirt. "Alright, I gotta be honest, I'm looking. Sorry, Cas."

Cas couldn't help another chuckle. Dean was incredibly respectful through it all, careful not to touch any skin unless he had to, which was mostly to keep Cas from falling over. He slipped a t-shirt onto him and laid Cas back down on the bed, this time with his head where it was supposed to be. That's when things started to blur, when his head hit the pillow.

"I don't think there's anything left in there, but just in case..."

Cas, through hazy vision, noticed Dean putting his empty hamper next to the bed. He thanked him, repeatedly. Cas isn't sure how many times he said it, over and over again, thank you.

"Hey, no, you just get some rest," was the last thing Cas heard Dean say before he was out like a light.

Cas suspects he briefly regained consciousness three times during that night.

The first time, he's sure of. He felt a hand on his shoulder, slowly coaxing him awake. "Here," Dean said softly, placing a bottle of Gatorade with a straw in it on the nightstand. "Drink this if you can, alright? Get your strength back." Cas nodded and fell back asleep.

The second time was more questionable, and he only knows it was real because he saw the results of it in the morning. He slowly awoke on his own and saw Dean in his bathroom across from his bedroom door, wearing rubber gloves and scrubbing away at the toilet with a sponge. Cas tried to stop him, tell him no, please, you don't have to do that, really, but couldn't help sleep drag him back down before he could get the words out.

The third time is the most unbelievable. Borderline fantastical. If it was real, he might just have to marry this guy.

Cas thinks he saw Dean brushing Honey's teeth.

Out of everything that happened the night before, that is all he can think about as he steps out of the shower in the morning. He plans to call Dean, send a fruit basket to his school, invite him on the best date of his life to repay him for all he did, and ask him. It's going to sound ridiculous, did you brush my dog's teeth or did I hallucinate that, and Dean will probably turn down his invite. If not for the hell he went through that night, then for Cas being insane.

And then Cas finds Dean asleep on his couch, Honey snuggled into his side. And yeah, he's probably going to marry this guy. This schoolteacher who happened to pick him and his office as a field trip destination for his math kids. This adorable guy that came back later that same day, thanked him for getting through to the kids (which Cas didn't think he had, but he digresses), and then asked him out. This unbelievably sweet guy that Cas initially rejected, god knows why, but then called at his school and left a message for, Saturday at seven, here's my address, because he couldn't get him off his mind. This caring, thoughtful, heaven-sent guy who showed up with flowers, now in a vase on his dining table, found Cas with food poisoning and proceeded to take care of him, his dog, and his apartment the rest of the night.

Before Cas can think about marrying him again (which he was going to, the hopeless romantic), Honey startles and jumps off the couch, waking Dean. Cas doesn't move, just watches as Dean sits up, notices him, then sits up straighter.

"Hey! Hey, how you feeling?" Dean asks, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with the back of his hand. He put products in his hair for the date, Cas notices, because it's now stiffly and adorably messed up.

"Much better. I won't be entering any pie-eating contests any time soon, though."

"Too bad. That was my next date idea."

Cas smiles, the words next date making his heart flutter in his ribcage. His question pops back into his mind.

"Did you, um..." Don't ask about the dog, he'll think you're crazy. He decides to go with "Did you clean my bathroom last night?" even though he knows the answer.

"Me? No."

Well. Cas thought he knew the answer. Probably dreamed it too. But then who-

"The vomit elves came in," Dean continues. "Real cute. Little hats, miniature vomit bags, adorable. Efficient too."

Cas is stuck somewhere between smiling so wide his cheeks hurt, and shaking his head while rolling his eyes. "Did the elves brush Honey's teeth too?"

"Oh no, that one was me."

And that has Cas laughing in earnest. At the sound of her name, Honey came bouncing back, settling next to Dean on the couch.

"Not letting the little bastards take credit for that one. This sweetheart loves me, and I earned that myself," Dean says, scratching Honey between her ears, enraptured.

"Dean, thank you." At that, Dean looks up. "Thank you. You could've just left, but you chose to stay. And you went above and beyond. Thank you."

Dean looks away and stands, trying to play it off with a wave of his hand. "Nah, it was nothing."

"It was everything," Cas says stepping forward, placing a beckoning hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean finally looks at him with a barely-there smile and a gaze that wants to escape, but he fights for it to stay on Castiel's face. Cas is glad he does, because he needs Dean to see, understand, how grateful he is.

"I uh... I got you these." Dean reaches for a paper bag on the coffee table, and that's when Cas takes his hand off his shoulder. "Some movies."

"Such as?"

"Mostly anime porn," Dean says, and Cas is doing it again, the chuckling/eye roll/head shake combo. "And some stuff I like to watch when I'm not doing great."

"Well, for me that would be documentaries."

"Wait." Dean blinks. "What? What did you say?"

"Documentaries. Preferably environmental, or perhaps historical in nature."

"No way, you're not gonna believe this," Dean says, a bit too much surprise on his face. "This is insane dude, check this out..."

He reaches into the bag, and Cas half believes he's about to pull out a copy of Disney's Earth. He's delighted to be wrong.

"Roadhouse."

Cas laughs again, and the beaming smile on Dean's face is what convinces him. He is definitely going to marry this guy.

[opbackgrounds]

so I was doing some research after watching movie 6...

...and apparently it was originally written as a comedy

Yeah, I was surprised, too

Baron Omatsuri is not my favorite One Piece movie—Film Z has too many of my favorite tropes to be usurped from that position—but I do think it is the most daring. Of all the supplemental material I’ve seen and read, it feels the least...One Piece-ish. 

Yes, that includes the noodle commercials. 

If you haven’t seen the movie and can stomach a little spookiness, do yourself a favor and give it a watch. Unlike movies like Strong World or Z that have the look and feel of a manga arc, Movie 6 transplants the Straw Hat Pirates into a world that doesn’t feel like a One Piece story, taking risks and exploring themes that would never fit in the manga proper. 

In addition to the obvious changes in art and animation style, there are supernatural elements that don’t make sense within the One Piece world. None of the Straw Hats win a fight—Luffy included, although he is heavily implied to have killed the big bad at the end. The moral of the movie, if it can be said to have a moral, is if you lose the people closest to you, the answer is to forget about them and make new friends. The story ends with many questions left unanswered and the main drama between the crew unresolved.

And, if you allow me to get philosophical for a moment, I wish there were more movies like it. As I wrote in my review of Novel A, I don’t go to supplemental material or side stories looking for a repeat of what’s in the manga. Oda has written 1000 chapters of One Piece—why not spice things up a little and try something different for a change?

I know the answer isn’t that simple, and by their very nature not all risks will pan out. There will be people who don’t like this movie because it’s different, both in look and tone. But there’s something to be said about a creator putting their heart and soul into a work and having it show in the final product. 

Which brings us back to the original premise. How does a movie go from a light-hearted comedy based on a variety show theme to...this

Baron Omatsuri was directed by Mamoru Hosoda and came out in 2005. To put that into perspective, the movie was in production when the Luffy vs Usopp fight was first seen in the manga. Manga!Luffy had not yet faced the challenge of an inter-crew disputes when the story was being written and boarded, nor did the creative team have the events of Sabaody and Marineford to see how Luffy would react to the loss of his loved ones. They were working without a full understanding of Luffy’s character, and to a lessor extent the character of the Straw Hat Pirates, and it seems like Oda was much less involved In production than has been in movies since Strong World and beyond. 

Likewise, Hosoda had just left a tumultuous situation at Studio Ghibli while working on Howl’s Moving Castle, and if this interview is anything to go by (https://instrangeaeonsblog.wordpress.com/2016/04/24/mamoru-hosoda-on-omatsuri-danshaku-animestyle-interview-part-1/) was going through a lot of personal shit when he was brought on as director. The script he was given was originally written like a variety show—something that was carried over into the various trials seen in the final movie—and meant to be a lighthearted affair after the relatively serious Movie 5 (which I have not seen am thus unable to compare tone). 

With that backstory in mind, it’s easy to see how the bickering and backbiting between the Straw Hats early in the movie is a metaphor for Hosoda’s time at Ghibli, which is something he admits to in the interview. Movie 6 feels different than any other One Piece movie because it’s the project of a man who has had to endure the loss of those who he was close with, at least in a professional capacity. 

There are moments in Movie 6 where Luffy doesn’t feel like Luffy. More than once a member of the Straw Hats ask him to intervene during arguments, moments Luffy either ignores or doesn’t notice. It’s a version of Water 7 where instead of fighting Usopp, Luffy ignores the underlying differences within his crew, and as a result loses everybody. 

The structure of the three trials follows a clear path of deterioration within the crew, the initial goldfish scooping game showing the Straw Hats at their best and inciting the jealousy of the Baron, the ring toss sowing discord among the crew even as they snatch a narrow victory, only for them to be utterly crushed in the third and final challenge as they’re unable help one another survive. 

It is somewhat implied that the Breaking of the Fellowship(TM) is magical in nature—that like the One Ring, the Lily Carnation was able to influence the Straw Hat’s thoughts and actions, but this is never stated outright and I prefer the more mundane interpretation: That without strong leadership the Straw Hats fell victim to the manipulative machinations of the Baron, and simply self-destructed as a result.  In the end, it’s up to the interpretation of the viewer. 

And speaking of things up to interpretation, I love how the Lily Carnation isn’t explained in the slightest. The plant that initially absorbs the Straw Hats looks more like the stem of a devil fruit than a flower, it for some reason rings like a gong when hit, and somehow is able to turn pieces of itself into facsimile of the Baron’s old crew who can somehow move around despite being plans. It’s weird, it’s wonderful, and the element of the unknown works so well in the horror-lite setting. 

My personal theory is the island somehow managed to eat a devil fruit which manifests itself as the Lily Carnation (which due to the L/R conflation in Japanese, is pronounced ‘reincarnation’, which I think is a nice touch of foreshadowing that may or may not have been intentional).

(Also, I can’t decide if little chewing animation it makes when it’s eating people or the weird bullseyes it makes when shit gets real are the most terrifying thing in the movie.)

Hmmm, tasty.

Anyway, this is getting long, so here are some final thoughts:

1) This movie has some low key fantastic outfits. The Straw Hats all look very cool without being over designed like a lot of recent movies. Big hat Robin is of course a fave, and makes me really want to see her in a Carmen Sandiego getup.

2) Screenshots do not do the animation of the movie justice. It’s very fluid and has a lot of excellent expressions/poses, although I admit the 3D is jarring at times. Do not let the art put you off if you haven’t seen it 

3) Also, I don’t think there’s any shading? Like at all? The movie does a lot of cool stuff with color instead. For example, the scene where Luffy initially loses to the Baron his skin goes all grey, and I thought it was because he was fighting at night, but it stays grey even in the better lighting of the underground tunnels and stays that way until he finds out the Straw Hats are still alive, where it returns to his normal color

4) There’s an extended Benny Hill-type gag when Luffy first chases after the little mustache pirate that’s perfectly timed to the music, and ends when Luffy just uses his power to grab him. The comedic timing is amazing and it’s probably my favorite funny moment in the movie, of which there are several despite the overall darker tone

5) The extended jungle shot from Nami’s POV? Very cool

6) I love how from the earliest scenes nothing is as it seems. The opening text is Robin reading the map, but the storm that’s seen on screen is the one that sank the Baron’s crew. Likewise the whole fancy city is shown to be fake panels early on, the goldfish catching game is a trap, etc., etc. It does a good job clueing the viewer in early that’s something’s very wrong on the island, even if they don’t realize it at first

7) I don’t think this type of movie would work in modern One Piece without somehow nerfing Luffy. Horror works best when the protagonist is weak and vulnerable, and that fits best with a pre-Gear 2/3 Luffy (same with the rest of the crew, tbh. I was waiting for Nami to use her lightning stick during the games, forgetting it hadn’t been boosted yet). 

8) I like how there are four captains on the island representing different levels of loss—the Baron has lost his crew and wants to destroy all others because of it, mustache pirate lost his crew and is willing to put it behind him to make new friends, Luffy has freshly lost his crew and hasn’t decided what path he will go, and coward dad hasn’t lost his crew yet but is at risk if he doesn’t change his cowardly ways

9) I think the reason why Chopper was the first Straw Hat to disappear is he’s the most likely to play the part of peacemaker. He’s also the only crew member needing rescuing at the end of the goldfish scoop game, when Luffy foolishly puts his life at risk trying to save him from drowning, just like he recklessly charges the Baron at the end of the movie. Except that time there was no Sanji to save him, leaving Luffy to get his ass thoroughly kicked

10) This is a very good Halloween movie, and I’m glad I watched it in October

[twvstedsouls]

Movie Thoughts: King Kong (2005) / 3rd and final hour of the movie.

WARNING, these are sort of spoilers so if you haven’t watched the movie yet, here’s your warning.

doing this because I have the urge to shout into the void and think I’m kind of funny at times.

WHAT IS THIS MOVIE MAGIC?! There’s no way that Jimmy just shot all those bugs off Jack without shooting him. Tommy guns were unreliable, movie trying to bullshit you into believing they were not. I refuse to accept this, you should too.

HOLY SHIT. CAPTAIN TO THE RESCUE DEUS EX-MACHINA.

Baxter swinging on a rope shooting the insects being a hero: NO. I REFUSE. Not acknowledging this redemption arc, no way.

Random cheer up juggling: I approve. Still think they forgot to add on the comedy genre to this film.

Sunset watching. YES.

AWH He’s made a friend. 🥺❤️

THIS AWESOME INTERACTION:  😂

Captain: That’s the thing about cockroaches, no matter how many times you flush them down the toilet, they always crawl back up the bowl.

Denham: Hey buddy, I’m out of the bowl. I’m drying off my wings and trekking across the lid.

At the same time though...the guy hasn’t seen a single cent promised, and now he’s fucked. I get it. Still will be when he returns, helping a wanted criminal. Captain good guy. Sort of. 

Jack not giving up at finding Ann 🥺LOVE. IT BURNS.

WHY DID DENHAM’S ‘’I’M SORRY’’ SOUND SO OMINOUS AM I MISSING SOMETHING?!

When Ann sees Jack, not believing it’s not a dream, real, really him. SIS, I know you’ve made friends with Kong. But...THIS IS YOUR CHANCE GET OUT OF THERE BITCH. WHAT YOU BEING SLOW FOR?!

That roar: When you lose your friend. 

Jack...did you forget how swimming works? If not, that’s not how you do it.

FOUND THE OMINOUS ‘’I’M SORRY’’! CARL DENHAM YOU BITCH, LOWER THE BRIDGE ALREADY, YOUR FILM IS RUINED QUIT TRYING TO SAVE IT. 

OH. You’re just trying to trap it. Well...that’s dumb. When has trying to trap the giant ass monster ever worked?

Slow motion trying to look like slow motion but looking more like slow mo acting. No. Not in a good way. Plus, it’s taking too damn long.

Captain good guy is now captain profit guy.

Okay. Hold up. How the hell did they manage to tie the rope around those big boulders if they’re that heavy. And why does it look so perfect.

Kong: NO ONE MESSES WITH MY FRIEND.

Ann: It’s me he wants! So?! Just get in the boats and go, he didn’t go after you and jack when you jumped in the river, I doubt he’ll follow you into the ocean.

DAMN. He really just bit a guy’s head off.

Ann: Go back. HE WOULDN’T EVEN BE CHASING YOU ALL OF YOU IF YOU HADN’T FREAKED OUT AND KEPT FREAKING OUT!

OH NO! JIMMY CAN’T SWIM! He better live or I’m coming for you Kong.

Awww, Kong holding out his hand to Ann and that little whine. 🥺

THAT expression on Jack’s face as he witnessed it all, he understands now. Awesome acting by Naomi Scott and Adrien Brody.

BUT at the same time: HE’S JUST SLEEPING, HE DIDN’T DIE. YEEZ. RELAX PEOPLE.

Denham: The whole world will pay to see this. We’re millionaires boys!

Excuse me...What?

PRESTON’S BACK! Is he going to do a good guy thing? he looks like he’s about to do a good guy thing.

Jack’s expressions and the narration flashback scene to their conversation on the boat during the comedy play 🥺 THIS IS AMAZING.

And that’s when he told you how he felt? 

No, He never said it.

He never said it?!

He probably thought he didn’t need to say it.

Well, then how does she know that it’s real?

He said it was not about the words.

Oh, please!

If you feel it, you say it.  

He said we’d talk about it later.

Only, there was no later.

It never happened. 🥺❤️

My writer’s heart is beating loudly, this is just so, so, so good. And romantic ❤️

Almost put the entire scene in, that’s how much I love it.

SERIOUSLY FUCK DENHAM. I thought the Captain was the worst, or Baxter, but am now seeing it’s neither of them (though baxter comes a close second), it’s Denham. Since he’s there too, working with Denham.

POOR KONG. 😭

FUCK THE AUDIENCE TOO.

Ann not having a part in any of that tomfoolery. BRAVO!

WHY is the audience so dumb. Like can’t you see the difference between a performance and a wild animal about to break out? Plus, how deaf is that dude? Jack doesn’t want your seat man, he’s trying to save your life.

The women in the audience are the first to think something is off. That’s awesome. If he says it’s fine, and you have a feeling in your gut it isn’t, honey, just grab your bag and run, you’ll be doing yourself a favor.

Baxter sneaking off. I SEE YOU 👀

How the camera just goes to the guy who didn’t want to leave his seat. HAHAHA. CLASSIC. 😂

LOL. Kong throwing the girl away like that. That’s a human being sir. A crappy human being, but still.

OH DAMN. That dude getting crushed by Kong landing on him with that jump.

Police officer: Everybody slow down! LOL. NOPE.

HAHAHA. Jack what are you still there for? Like seriously? Did you wait for everyone to leave the theatre (leaving you the only target) and then not expect Kong to come after you?

OH. Denham is still there. Kong, think it through next time. 

Traffic is scary.

Kong doing donuts. 

When a stranger slaps your butt. Payback 1000000% Kong style.

What’s the plan Ann? What’s the plan?

Backwards driving. Cool. 

No way is a taxi faster than a giant ape monster.

Jack if you’re trying to get it away from people you’re doing a shit job.

That shot of Ann walking towards Kong. Beautiful.

Lights in trees that look suspiciously like christmas trees. Is King Kong a christmas movie?

Gorilla/Human Ice skating and laughing. What. kind. of. movie. is. this.

THE ARMY IS HERE. 

Kong just put her down, you can handle a bullet or two, Ann can’t.

WAS THAT A ROCKET LAUNCHER?!?!

Jack’s back. I thought he’d be out cold longer.

DAMN. He can run.

YESSSS. Another sunset.

Those are some nice looking planes.

Kong is hurt 🥺

Nobody past this point! You can’t go in there! Lol, officer, really? It’s Jack. He’ll just go, (if he had time for it and was petty): You can’t tell me what to do!

Damn Jack, that kick. Nothing’s stopping you, is there?

Scary ladder on the outside of the building. No thanks.

O M G. Stop fucking staring at each other, there’s a limit okay? And not exactly the right time now, is it? Ann? Kong? Ann?

More staring. STOP.

Get to Ann and Jack already. No offence Kong.

[whyqueerbaitingisbad]

movies & shows

cracks knuckles* alright this is going to be more of a rant than an analysis because i’m basing this on both my research, but also how it felt to personally be baited by these shows. there are obviously more pieces of bad (almost every horror movie) and good ones but these are the ones i’ve watched.

please keep in mind that i am but one queer and everyone has different opinions.

Supernatural (CW) 2005

This show is 15 years old and just ended. From season 5 till 15, there has been tension between two of the lead characters. They were constantly shipped together and not only did the entire fandom know about this ship but so did almost all of Tumblr. On top of that, the actors and show runners knew about it as well. Which is why it makes it ridiculous that it was constantly pushed aside while the romantic coding  kept happening, even after show runners dismissed it as being intentional. The Destiel (Dean x Cas) case has been going on for years, and as the show came to its end, many fans had hope. But N O P E. Instead, we got a love confession from Cas where Dean looked like he was near constipated and the Cas was killed and sent into a fiery place that was not hell but s u p e r  h e l l.

… w hy.

Sherlock (BBC) 2010

Just like Supernatural, this show was renown on Tumblr for not only how good it was, but its hinting at a potential relationship between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. But again, like Supernatural, the intentional tension between the two characters was denied by producers. This caused an uproar within the fandom, and even left some people believing that, after the last season aired, it had been a joke and the producers were hiding a “secret, unaired season” because they had felt so robbed by this show that had implied something and denied it.

The 100 (CW) 2014

We got lesbians. We got background gays. We were happy. Then, all of a sudden, one of them is killed for no reason. Did it advance the plot? No. Was she fighting and died in battle? lol no. She was doing literally nothing and got shot and died. And then the producers kept bringing her back once a season in the form of a ghost or illusion because why? Because she was a fan favourite queer character. ✨bury your gays and sparingly bring them back for profit anyone?✨

Voltron: Legendary Defender (Netflix) 2016

*deep breathe* This one is a special disaster. Not only was there romantic tension and romantically coded scenes for 7 seasons, but producers, voice actors and artists working on the show repeatedly said “don’t worry klance (Keith x Lance) shippers, you’ll be happy”

. … w h e r e??? You code one of their scenes with a sunset in the background while they talk about love and then one of them goes on a date with someone who has declined his advances for 7 seasons but now in season 8 decides to do a full 180. Not only that, but you announce at a Comic Con (a convention) that a character is gay and has a fiancé, only to kill off the fiancé and never make it explicit in the show except at the last second of the last episode where he marries a no name character. 

Personally, i’d like to say a big fuck you to the show that strung me along for 2 years and never stopped saying we’d be happy to then pull the rug out from under us and call us crazy for thinking anything from the past 8 seasons was intentional.

Scooby-Doo (2002) 

While not being outwardly queerbaiting, this movie’s filmmaker has just revealed some shocking news, which wasn’t at all shocking to the gays who had watched this movie over the years. In July of 2020, James Gunn, the filmmaker of Scooby-Doo, revealed in a podcast that, initially, Velma was explicitly gay in his script, but then the studio watered it down until it became nothing. This isn’t an example of baiting as much as it is changing a character’s initial design to “better fit an audience”. The worst part of all this is that with Velma’s character having been written with a l i t t l e queer subtext, people had been theorizing about if since the movie came out, but were always yelled at by the internet for “imagining something that isn’t there”. But now, even with it being said that the initial point was for her to be gay, people have no objections to still refusing to accept it. Why?? So we can’t get the subtext gays OR the confirmed gays?? Make it make sense.

Brooklyn 99 (NBC) 2013

To have the queer characters firstly introduced without mentioning their sexualities and have it brought up naturally was so goddamn nice to see, because no one does a big deal about it unless they ask for that. This show is amazing in general but the way they show their queer characters is *chefs kiss*.

She-ra and the Princesses of Power (Netflix) 2018

This. Show. My heart SOARS. It's just a remake of an old show so absolutely nothing was ever expected, but then it was sprinkled in and ENDED WITH A BANG. And it was so beautiful and real to see the struggle of two friends who care for each other and want to be together but have different visions of the world fall in love. And they also had characters with disabilities, a non-binary character and jUST SUCH A GOOD SHOW.

Kipo and The Age of Wonderbeasts (Netflix) 2020

This is a case where you go into it not expecting anything and are BLOWN AWAY by the bare minimum. And not because it’s bad!! It's mind blowing because this is the simple representation we need!! Not something over the top, but an every day relationship. It’s just two boys falling in love and going on dates and being nervous around each other, yet i was so stunned. Because it’s not shown enough. I should not be this excited over something that should be this normal. 10/10 though this show is so good for all kinds of representation.

Steven Universe (Cartoon Network) 2013

This show did so much for queer representation with its general message of loving everyone and loving who you want. Especially since it was aired on Cartoon Network, a channel for kids, it was able to help normalize something so looked down upon in some circles. It made it easy to watch for s o m e people because it's a cartoon but it's so beautiful to see these ladies so in love with each other, both platonically and romantically and we see them have a family dynamic that isn’t a “nuclear family”. Rebecca Sugar (creator) really said “lemme just break all stereotypes real quick”.

Adventure Time (Cartoon Network) 2010

It's the “knowing a fanbase shipped something so hard that the creators made it canon” for me. This relationship had been theorized by fans for years, but it had never been explicit in the show. When the finale episode came out and the two shared a kiss, it was a moment of celebration. The producer of the show said that it had not really been planned but when the episode was being made, the choice of what happened was given to one of the artists (bless your soul Hanna K. Nyströmthe). And as the show releases little bonus episodes, its latest was centered around Marceline and Bubblegum and their relationship. AND WE LOVE TO SEE OUR DOMESTIC LESBIANS BEING HAPPY AND IN LOVE.

Yuri on Ice!!! (anime) 2016

The fact that an A N I M E gave us a love story between two men is mind boggling and it makes me so happy!! Especially because it's a Japanese show and they’re very conservative about these things just makes it more emotional. The creators said they wanted to make the anime take place in a world where gay/straight isn’t a thing, it’s just love (ladies, you’re going to make me cry). So as the weekly episodes came out and fans start speculating, THEY GAVE US THE LAST FEW EPISODES FULL OF ROMANCE AND EMOTIONAL SCENES BETWEEN THE TWO AND THEN THEY GET R I N GS?!???!! You watch for the figure skating, you stay for the figure skaters that are in love.

Shadowhunters (Freeform) 2016

*insert me being frustrated that the actors are straight so we can move on from that disappointment*

This show really said “let’s name a whole episode after this couple because they deserve it”. But seriously, they gave us two characters whose entire plot does not center around their sexualities while still showing us the differences in a relationship between someone experienced and someone new at this. They were both powerful and amazing characters apart from each other, with their own story lines and goals but they loved each other so much omgs. SO MUCH. 

It was so great to watch.

Love, Simon (2018) 

There’s a lot of disagreement on whether this movie is good representation or not. However, we need to take into consideration that this was Hollywood’s first movie with a main character that was gay, where the story’s focus was on Simon’s love story. The biggest problem, for me at least, was that the actor playing Simon is a straight man and not queer. My problem is not with him, but the fact that there are other actors that are gay and that could have played Simon just as well. (the love interested was however played by a queer actor so ✨progress✨)

All in all, this movie does represent what a lot of queer kids have to go through: being outed at school, how they then come out, the bullying and doubt they go through.

The book is also really good.

Call Me By Your Name (2018)

This movie is so aesthetically pleasing and was able to capture the confusion and heartbreak felt by a boy who’s struggling with his own feelings towards a man. His inner conflict and joy and l o v e he feels but doesn’t know how to deal with is so well communicated through the screen and just breaks your heart because it feels so real.

But again, they could’ve gotten gay actors to play gay characters…

through having this list here, i want to show you that it’s not hard for creators to give good queer representation. the LGBTQ+ community isn’t asking for much, we just want to be well represented on screen as just a regular character, not some token queer kid there for the diversity points. having been exposed to so much queerbaiting and just not seeing any representation on screen, i always get over-excited when i see a queer character, and that’s not how it should be. it should be a normal thing, something you can find in most pieces of media, just like there’s a straight white cisgender person in everything.

and they seriously need to start casting queer actors for queer characters...

[definitely-not-karen]

My unnecessary and irrelevant reviews about the transformers media I have consumed.

Please let me have this. I was doom scrolling and transformers is my comfort fandom.

G1: I have not watched all of it, I do plan on doing so but I did watch it when I was younger and does invoke nostolgia. I watched it on Teletoon Retro (does that even exist anymore?) ((just googled it, rip teletoon retro)). For some reason I really like the episode The Ultimate Weapon. I am a huge fan of First Aid and it was because of this episode and I have no idea why. Rodimus is the main character of that episode with First Aid just having a very prominent role in the side story of that episode. I really liked the Aerialbots and their storyline with the time traveling and the not knowing if they’re on the right side was really cool. Honestly the animation errors and weird inconsistent story are part of the charm I guess.

RID 2001: another show I’ve only seen tidbits of. I watched this one via random episodes illegally uploaded to YouTube in the early to mid 2010s and now all those videos are taken down. As a lover of camp, this is camp. I love it. Transformers as a concept is pretty camp (which is why I adore it) and I definitely will watch all of this one day. Though Sideburn is cool and all, I do wish he didn’t chase a red sports car every episode. Otherwise he’s one of my favourites cause himbo rights I guess.

Transformers IDW 2005: So... I read the entirety of the idw comics purely because I found out Thundercracker was a screenplay writer and I wanted to read the entire story so I got the complete context of his development from scary fighter jet to an Oscar winner. I was not disappointed, I was met with queer and trans representation of all sorts, a diverse storyline with action filled parts, comedy elements, slice of life, political drama, adventure, horror, and the best road trip through space. Honestly I was not expecting transformers of all things to have queerness represented so casually and quite well in my opinion (though technically they are guilty of bury your gays, I don’t count it cause there was a clear reason for that death) Thundercracker was marked as one of my favourites cause of this series. I did experience a wonderful story because I wanted to see how he got his happy ending. My biggest criticism of idw transformers is that I love their interpretations of characters and sadly I know I’ll probably never get to seen them like that again. But if I want to experience those characters like that, I’ll just re read it I guess.

Transformers Animated: I have watched the entirety of this great show twice and it still love it. Funny characters, a human character that has a purpose, and a fun change to the formula, Transformers Animated has one of my favourite Optimus and made a Bumblebee so lovably loud they had to take away his voice so he wouldn’t become too powerful. Loved all of the characters except the human villains, Headmaster did not age well and I wasn’t in love with Ratchet’s design but his personality more than made up for it. If you want more animated, I love Transformers ReAnimated the void is filled by that series and channel. While I wish it got another season, it’s ending was satisfying enough I guess.

Transformers Prime: Smokescreen is great and was underutilizes -100/10. Just kidding, kind of I really enjoyed Prime. I’ve only watched through it completely once cause when I was a child I did not like the designs since apparently as a child I was a G1 loyalist I guess. Though now Prime has one of my favourite styles that still holds up today. Dramatic story with actual character development, I can over look that the plots a tad slow. I wish Breakdown was utilized more and it also could have benefited from an extra season but the movie wrapped it up much better than animated’s ending. Knockout is an amazing character and I was spoiled while I was watching it that he turns Autobot though I didn’t realize that wasn’t until the literal end of the series. Would’ve like a completely fleshed out Breakdown and Knockout or at least Knockout redemption arc but there’s always fanfiction I guess.

Robots in Disguise 2015: I didn’t hate it? It definitely helped that I watched this before Prime for some reason. I liked the designs, Sideswipe... himbo rights. Biggest flaw is the lack of character growth. I just want nice things for Sideswipe, Strongarm and Fixit. Grimlock was fun, I like Bumblebee trying to be a good leader and Optimus should have stayed dead. The crossover and referenced to Rescue Bots was fun and Blurr and Sideswipe was the rivalry I didn’t know I needed. But the one I really needed was Smokescreen in there too. The ending arc was interesting though not executed the best and Steeljaw did a lot of the heavy lifting for the villain side to a point where they over utilized him and his character suffered as a result. Windblade was not as bad as people online said she was, splitting the group up into two was stupid cause I’m bitter and still don’t want Optimus there. Also long list of underutilization: Denny and Russel Clay, Jazz, all the characters from prime except Optimus and Bee, Jetfire and Jetstorm, More Rescue bots, and many more! Like that girl that’s Russel’s friend that I literally don’t remember because I’m pretty sure the writers forgot about her! Anyways, in retrospect the show probably wasn’t great but I liked it I guess.

Rescue Bots: This show is way better than it needed to be. I actually love the no Decelticons and war. I’m a sucker for slice of life and especially slice of life with a twist. Human villains that were actually interesting, actual character development, continuity (somewhat), great human characters all while being target for children. I’m so happy I watched this show while I was kind of the target age and rewatching it for the third time was great cause some of the science jargon actually made sense to me. Satisfying ending too and honestly it can just appeal to everyone. Love all four of the main rescue bots and constantly wish they made evergreen designs and toys for them so they could at least make cameos in other transformers media. Sometimes it’s nice to have transformers being wholesome I guess.

Rescue Bots Academy: ... I was not the age democratic for this show and I somehow still liked it? Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been gravitating to more wholesome content due to current events but it was actually good? Love all the students, I do miss the old crew and characters like Doc Green and Frankie are under utilized and the Burns family is almost nowhere to be found :(. Once again there’s some actual character development and Hot Shot’s mentor relationship with Heatwave is super sweet. Also actually having positive post war Decepticon and Autobot relationships in this children’s show? Woah. Biggest issue is like RID 2015; the lack of continuity and characters completely disappearing. Perceptor was fun and I was not expecting him to appear. And I love me some microscope dude. It was a good send off for the aligned continuity I guess.

Cyberverse: ending too soon. I was about to be upset that bumblebee didn’t have his voice but he had his voice in his head which was great. Episodes like the velocitron one was really good and it definitely got better with each season and peaked in the Quintesson arc and then rolled to the cancellation date. Thundercracker shouldn’t have been killed off but I’m very biased. Seeing the rebuilding of Cybertron was cool. Windblade and Bumblebee had a fun relationship. I really liked this iteration of Grimlock. Perceptor was super interesting but then they did nothing with him after the Quintesson arc which was a shame and I would have liked to see better relationships between the Autobots and Decepticons after the team up. Also wholesome Whirl was fun. Honestly this needed one more season so bad. I just think it could have been great if it got one. But it’s still good I guess.

War for Cybertron: ...let’s see how I feel after Kingdom comes out but right now, meh. For me my favourite transformers characters usually end up being side characters due to me wishing they had more screen time so in this case, Red Alert is great please show me more of Red Alert. I get what all the people are saying about the voice acting and whatever but I can look past it (though please give us Peter Cullen or let the current VC make his own Optimus voice). But one thing is that all the YouTube reviewers be saying that I completely agree with is that it’s dark. Like lighting wise. I occasionally had trouble making out what was happening because it was dark. Honestly my biggest issue isn’t a fault of the show. I like development of multiple characters to be shown so I can fall in love with a multitude of characters but due to short seasons, it makes sense to focus in completely on one character at a time. Siege in my opinion at least let me see more of the background characters rather than Earthrise but I’d probably like Earthwise more if I was a bigger fan of Optimus. I’m going to watch Kingdom but I’m not expecting to be wowed I guess.

In conclusion, I should watch Beast Wars, I’m going to re read the ending of Lost Light again and revel in the melancholic ending I adore and I really like Thundercracker and First Aid. One great thing about transformers and other franchises that have been around for awhile, if you don’t like the current thing, there’s plenty of last media and you probably won’t need to wait too long for the next piece of media you’ll hopefully like.

Please be good idw 2019, I’ve read a bit of you and I have a scrap of hope. Oh please please please be good. Give some characters the Thundercracker treatment.

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

Was Norman Osborn ‘flanderized’?

It has been said that over the years, particularly following his resurrection, that Norman Osborn became a caricature of himself. Does this accusation carry any weight?

First things first, let’s define what the terms ‘flanderized’ and ‘flanderization’ actually mean. The most comprehensive descriptor can be found on TV Tropes. To quote an excerpt from them:

The act of taking a single (often minor) action or trait of a character within a work and exaggerating it more and more over time until it completely consumes the character. Most always, the trait/action becomes completely outlandish and it becomes their defining characteristic.

When it comes to Norman Osborn the accusations hinge upon his evolution into a villain who:

Just wants to kill Spider-Man

Is behind everything bad in Spider-Man’s life

Makes Spider-Man the point of all of his schemes

The latter point is often accompanied by referencing Norman’s original goal of taking over New York’s gangs. The idea being that originally Norman wanted to take over the gangs and then was ‘flanderized’ into being obsessed with Spider-Man.

To an extent these accusations carry merit, but not really the way detractors might think.

I’ll begin by addressing the two most obvious counterpoints.

Firstly, the idea that Norman’s vendetta and schemes against Spider-Man are ‘outlandish’ is a hollow critique in context.

Almost everything in super hero comic books is outlandish, even accepting the pseudo-science of super powers. The majority of super villains could make more money legitimately than as criminals.

Common crooks would be unlikely to go to jail if any masked vigilante beat them up. The world at large would never resemble the real world on any level if even one super powered being existed as it’d redefine what it meant to be human. Not to mention the confirmation of life on other planets, other dimensions, parallel universes, alternate timelines and the existence of deities and the afterlife.

So Norman Osborn’s schemes (the most ambitious of which was the ‘Clone Saga’) are only outlandish if we take it on face value. In context, it’s merely a large-scale version of super villain standard practices. After all, perhaps the two greatest Doc Ock stories of all time respectively involved him having secretly built an underwater base out of a James Bond movie and attempting to nuke New York City.

As for Norman ‘just’ wanting to kill Spidey, I’ve already addressed that in an earlier article.

Moving, on let’s talk about Norman’s schemes. Did they all revolve around Spider-Man? Well, even dismissing his post-OMD stories or stint as an Avenger, this is simply not true.

Osborn actually retained  his gangland aspirations in the 1990s. In fact that was his primary concern in Europe between his ‘death’ and ‘resurrection’.

When he returned to America during the ‘Clone Saga’ it was revealed (through exposition provided by the Rose) that Osborn was still very much involved in acquiring power through the criminal underworld.

Spider-Man: Made Men #1 revolved around various gangland figures vying for power. Osborn was unsurprisingly among the figures depicted.

There was some follow up to this in Peter Parker: Spider-Man #95 when the Kingpin tried to assassinate Norman as a rival gangster.

So Peter was absolutely not at the root of all  of Norman’s schemes.

Nor was he behind the majority of the bad things in Spidey’s life. Between 1997-2007 alone Norman had nothing to do with:

The Chameleon learning Spider-Man’s identity

The resurrection of Doctor Octopus

Mary Jane’s death being faked by her stalker

Spidey’s duels with Morlun

The Venom symbiote seeking out new and more violent hosts, including Mac Gargan

The destruction of Peter and MJ’s apartment and of Aunt May’s home

Peter’s failing health and death in ‘The Other’ arc

Aunt May being shot courtesy of the Kingpin

So when we look at the facts, Norman just doesn’t fit the definition of flanderization listed above. He’s far from a caricature of his early appearances. This is actually fairly uncommon in general among Silver Age characters. The vast majority of all characters who were around back then have developed at least some layers of complexity since then; if anything that’d be the opposite of flanderization if anything.

This is unquestionably the case for Norman Osborn. Through stories and issues like Spectacular Spider-Man Annual #14, ‘Revenge of the Green Goblin’, Spider-Man: Legacy of Evil #1 and ‘A Death in the Family’ Norman Osborn’s personality and psychology has been immensely expanded upon from what it was between 1964-1973.

But I do not deny the idea that Norman has changed and become more focused upon Spider-Man himself. Initially his primary goal was the conquest of the criminal underworld, through which the death of Spidey was a means to an end. But from the 1996-2005 (and arguably since Superior Spider-Man v1 #4 in 2013) Norman’s primary concern seems to have been his feud with Peter.

However, these accusations against the character seem to treat this change as unnatural. As though lazy writing simply kept exaggerating one trait of Norman’s and consequently made that the crux of the character.

In reality though this change in priorities was entirely organic. Norman grew gradually more and more frustrated with Spidey’s interference until he decided to just find out who he was and destroy him. Upon learning one another’s identities that  was when Norman and Peter’s relationship fundamentally changed. It became less about gangland aspirations but far more personal. This didn’t occur due to lazy writing across time, it was an evolution during he same run that invented Norman. And it happened around 2 years following his debut.

From there Norman was integrated into Peter’s social circle and Harry was unwittingly caught in the center of their feud. After ASM #40 every time Norman remembered he was the Goblin he wasn’t going after Spidey to rule the gangs, he was pursuing a personal vendetta against him. ‘The Death of Gwen Stacy’ in particular displayed this as Norman sought revenge for Peter giving him amnesia and for the harm he felt he’d done to Harry.

So, Norman’s priorities had fundamentally pivoted within less than 10 years of his debut. And it wasn’t due to lazy writing that ‘drifted’ him in that direction. It was an entirely believable evolution of what had began as a practical consideration and then spiraled into a personal blood feud.

Detractors though might argue that Norman became a caricature upon his return in 1996.

Even if he was manipulative and at times nasty in the Silver Age, it wasn’t nearly to the same extent as his portrayal in the 90s and beyond.

This is perfectly true. And you know what, the same can be said of the impact he had upon Peter’s life. He became far more integral to shaping Peter’s life from the 1996 onwards than he’d ever been in the Silver Age.

On these counts perhaps it’d be accurate to argue Norman became flanderized.

At which point I must ask…why is that a bad thing?

Let me give you an example that’s a bit left field.

In the 2010 animated show ‘Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated’ the classic Hanna-Barbera meddling kids got a major update. The most starkly different character though was Fred Jones. In the original and majority of Scooby-Doo shows Fred had almost always been both the de facto leader and the guy who planned the traps.

He was also the single blandest character of the main five, even excusing the pretty simple personalities of the rest of the gang.* SDMI however outright flanderized him. He went from the guy who happened to be in charge of setting the traps to someone literally obsessed with traps.

And you know what? He became immeasurably more interesting as a result. Suddenly he had a role within the group as the eccentric, the strategist and his interest in mysteries had more specificity as he actively looked for chances to ensnare would be ghosts and ghouls.

Whilst it’s often not the case, SDMI’s take on Fred proves that flanderization is not inherently  a bad thing.

This is certainly true in Norman’s case. His vendetta with Spider-Man, status as puppeteer and framing as the ultimate evil within the Spider-Man universe has been used to great effect over the years.

As a puppeteer and manipulator he was given greater scope to attack Peter and his loved ones, thereby making him a far more dangerous villain that Spidey couldn’t just knock out with a punch.

His framing as an ultimate evil also helps render Peter’s heroism in starker contrast. Everything that makes Spider-Man a true hero and champion for good is spotlighted whenever he confronts the sheer sadism and malevolence of Norman. Personally, I feel Peter Parker: Spider-Man #75 is the greatest example of this.

Call me crazy or old-fashioned but isn’t this an essential function of a villain in superhero fiction?**

And the emphasis upon the Parker/Osborn feud simply made their encounters more emotionally gripping. We all read Peter Parker’s adventures specifically for Peter’s character. We don’t want just any given person (spider powers or not) in the spotlight. We want to follow the ups and downs of his life, his relationships with his friends, family and colleagues, what job he’s working, where he lives, how he provides for himself and others, etc.

The Spider-Man story is in essence is the life of Peter Parker.

Having a villain who has a dramatic impact upon both halves of Peter’s life is more than creatively justifiable. It makes every encounter personal  and if we read Spidey because we’re personally invested  in his life then Norman’s vendetta renders him perennial relevant.

He is the villain who fundamentally tests the soul of our hero.

This isn’t to say that it wouldn’t be nice for Norman to be written with goals beyond Spider-Man. But my point is that making that his priority was never ever a problem in the first place.

In short, Norman Osborn was better  for his flanderization.

*Noticeably Fred’s character has had the most reinventions over the years when you look at wider Scooby media.

He’s been a cool douchebag in the live action films, something of a conspiracy theorist in ‘A Pup Named Scooby-Doo’, a cameraman in ‘Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island’, etc.

The lack of uniformity to his character is very likely an indicator of how simple and bland he originally was; and has largely remained since.

On a symbolic level one could even argue that Norman’s elevation to this personification of evil was appropriate for an older and adult Spider-Man. As we grow up the world in general grows darker and more sinister, presenting challenges that test our inner resolve.

A great example from modern literature would be Harry Potter. Harry ages from 11-17 across the seven novels, each of which dials up the amount of pain, cruelty and death Harry must confront.

[erictmason]

The Road To “Godzilla VS. Kong”, Day Four

(Sorry for the delay on this one, Life proved just a bit too busy the other day to finish it; my “Godzilla: King of the Monsters” review is gonna be pushed back as a result too.  But!  No worries, on we go. ^_^)

KONG: SKULL ISLAND (2017

Director: Jordan Vogt-Roberts

Writers: Dan Gilroy, Max Borenstein, Derek Connolly, John Gatins

Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Tom Hiddleston, Brie Larson, John Goodman, John C. Reilly

Technically speaking, Gareth Edwards’ “Godzila” from 2014 was the first entry in what is now generally referred to as “The Monsterverse”, an attempt by Warner Bros. Studios and Legendary Pictures to do a Marvel Studios-style series of various interconnected movies (and which, like most such attempts to cash in on that particular trend, hasn’t really panned out; “Godzilla VS. Kong” seems likely to be its grand finale as far as movies are concerned, the only two “names” it had going for it are Godzilla and Kong themselves, and even at its most successful it was never exactly a Powerhouse Franchise).  But the thing is, when that movie was made, the idea of a “Monsterverse” did not yet exist; it was only well after the fact that Legendary and Warner Bros. got the idea to turn a new “Kong” project into the building block of a Shared Universe of their own that they could connect with the 2014 “Godzilla”, with a clear eye on getting to remake one of the most singularly iconic (and profitable) Giant Monster Movies of all time.  As you might guess from that description, however, said “Kong” project also had not originally been intended for such a purpose; it would not be until 2016 that it would be retooled from its original purpose (a prequel to the original “King Kong” titled simply “Skull Island”) into its present form, which goes out of its way to reference Monarch, the monster-tracking Science organization seen over in 2014’s “Godzilla” and which includes a very obviously Marvel-inspired post-credits stinger explicitly tying Kong and Godzilla’s existences together.  

The resulting film is fun enough, all things told, but that graft is also really, distractingly obvious.

Honestly, I wish I knew why I’m not, generally, fonder of “Skull Island” than I am.  It’s not as if, taken as a whole, it does anything especially bad; indeed it does a great deal that is actively good.  Consider, for example, the rather unique choice to make it a Period Piece; that’s decently rare for a Monster Movie as it is (indeed one of the only other examples that springs to mind for me is Peter Jackson’s 2005 remake of “King Kong”, which chose to retain the original’s 1933 setting), and it’s rarer still that the era it chooses to inhabit is an immediately-post-Vietnam 1970’s.  Aesthetically speaking, the movie takes a decent amount of fairly-obvious influence from that most classic of Vietnam-era films, “Apocalypse Now” (a fact that director Jordan Vogt-Roberts was always fairly open about), and it results in some of the movie’s strongest overall imagery (in particular a shot of Kong, cast in stark silhouette, standing against the burning sun on the horizon with a fleet of helicopters approaching him, one of a surprisingly small number of times the movie plays with visual scale to quite the same degree or with quite the same success as “Godzilla” 2014).  It also means the movie is decked out in warm, lush colors that really do bring out all the personality of its Jungle setting in the most compelling way and, given how important the setting is to the film as a whole, that proves key; Skull Island maybe doesn’t become a character in its own right the way the best settings should (too much of our time is spent in fairly indistinct forests especially), but it does manage to feel exciting and unusual in the right ways more often than not.  The “Apocalypse Now” influence also extends to our human cast,  which is sizeable enough here (in terms of major characters we need  to pay attention to played by notable actors, “Skull Island” dwarfs “Godzilla” 2014 by a significant margin) that the framework it provides-a mismatched group defined by various interpersonal/intergenerational tensions trying to make their way through an inhospitable wilderness, ostensibly in search of a lost comrade-is decently necessary.  Though here we already run into one of those aspects of “Skull Island” that doesn’t quite land for me.  Taken as a whole, it sure feels like the human characters here should be decently interesting; certainly, our leads are all much better defined and more engagingly performed than Ford Brody, to draw the most immediately obvious point of comparison.  Brie Larson (as journalistic Anti-War photographer Mason Weaver), Tom Hiddleston (as former British Army officer turned Gun For Hire James Conrad), and John C. Reilly (as Hank Marlow, a World War II soldier stranded on Skull Island years ago) definitely turn in decently strong performances; I wouldn’t call it Career Best work for any of them (Hiddleston especially feels like he’s on auto-pilot half the time, while Larson has to struggle mightily against how little the script actually gives her to work with when you stop and look at it) but they at least prove decently enjoyable to watch (Reilly especially does a solid job of making his character funny without quite pushing him over the edge into Total Cartoon Territory).  I likewise feel like Samuel L. Jackson’s Preston Packard has the potential to be a genuinely-great character; his lingering resentment at the way the Vietnam War played out and the way that feeds into his determination to find and defeat Kong is, again, a clever and compelling use of the 70’s period setting, it gives us a good, believable motivation with a clear and strong Arc to it, and Jackson does a really solid job of playing his Anger as genuine and poignant rather than simply petulant or crazed.  But there’s just too much chaff amongst the wheat, too much time and energy devoted to characters and ideas that don’t have any real pay-off.  This feels especially true of John Goodman’s Bill Randa, the Monarch scientist who arranges the whole expedition; the Monarch stuff in general mostly feels out of place, but Randa in particular gets all of these little notes and beats that seem meant to go somewhere and then just kind of don’t.  Which is kind of what happens with most of the characters in the movie, is the thing; we spend a lot of screen-time dwelling on certain aspects of their backstories or personalities, and then those things effectively stop mattering at all after a certain point, even Packard’s motivations.  A Weak Human Element was one of the problems in “Godzilla” 2014 as well, though, and you’ll recall I quite liked that movie.  There, though, the human stuff was honestly only ever important for how it fed into the monster stuff; it was the connective tissue meant to get us from sequence to sequence and not much more.  Here, though, it forms the heart and soul of the story, and that means its deficiencies feel a lot more harmful to the whole.

Still, those deficiencies really aren’t that severe, and moreover, like I was saying before, there’s a lot about “Skull Island” to actively enjoy.  The Monsters themselves do remain the central draw, after all, and for the most part the movie does a solid job with that aspect of things.  It does not, perhaps, recreate “Godzilla” 2014’s attempt to make believable animals out of them (even as it does design most of them with even more obvious, overt Real World Animal elements), but there is a certain playful energy that informs them at a conceptual level that I appreciate.  Buffalos with horns that look like giant logs with huge strands of moss and grass hanging off their edges, spiders whose legs are adapted to look like tree trunks, stick bugs so big that their camouflage makes them look like fallen trees…the designs feel physically plausible (especially thanks to some strong effects work that makes them feel well inserted into the real environments), but there’s a slightly-humorous tilt to a lot of them that I appreciate, especially since it never outright winks at the audience in a way that would undercut the stakes of the story. Kong too is very well done; rather than the heavily realistic approach taken by the Peter Jackson version from 2005, this Kong is instead very much ape-like but also very clearly his own creature (in particular he stands fully erect most of the time), with a strong sense of Personality to him as well; some of the best parts of the movie are those times where we simply peek in on Kong simply living his life, even when that life is one that is, by nature, violent and dangerous.  Less successful, sadly, are his nemeses, the Skullcrawlers; very much like “Godzilla” 2014, Kong is here envisioned as a Natural Protection against a potentially-dangerous species that threatens humanity (or in this case the Iwi Tribe who live on Skull Island, but we’ll talk more about them later), and while they’re hardly bad designs (the way their snake-like lower bodies give them a lot of neat tricks to play against their enemies in battle are genuinely fun in the right sort of Scary Way), they’re also pretty bland and forgettable, even compared to the MUTOS.  That said, they serve their purpose well enough, and their big Action Scene showdowns with Kong are genuinely solid.  Indeed, the movie’s big climactic brawl between Kong and the biggest of the Skullcrawlers has a lot of good pulpy energy to it (particularly with how Kong winds up using various tools picked up from all around the battlefield to give himself an edge), likewise there’s a certain Wild Fun to the sequence where our hapless humans have to try and survive a trek through the Crawlers’ home-turf.

Where things get a bit tricky again is when the movie attempts to put its own spin on “Godzilla”’s conception of its monsters as part of their own kind of unique ancient eco-system. The sense of Grandeur that gave a lot of that aspect such weight there is mostly absent here, especially; there are instances where some of that feeling comes through (Kong’s interactions with some of the non-Crawler species, for example, do a good job giving us an endearing sense of how Kong fits into this world), but far more often it treats the monsters as Big Set-Piece Attractions.  Which is fine as far as it goes, it just also means a lot of them aren’t as memorable or impactful as I might like.  Meanwhile, the way the Iwis have built their home to accommodate, interact with, and protect themselves from the island’s bestiary feels like a well-designed concept that manages to suggest a lot of History without having to spell it out for us in a way that I appreciated (I would also be inclined to apply this to the very neat multi-layered stone-art used to portray Kong and the Crawlers except that the sequence where we see them is the most overt “let’s stop and do some world-building” exposition dump in the whole movie).  But the Iwis in general are one of the more difficult elements of the movie to process, too; it seems really clear there was a deliberate effort here to avoid the most grossly racist stuff that has been present in prior attempts to portray the Natives of Skull Island, and as far as it goes I do think those efforts bear some fruit; we are, at the very least, very far away from the Scary Ooga-Booga tone of, say, “King Kong VS. Godzilla”, and that feels like it counts for something.  I just also feel like there’s some dehumanizing touches to their portrayal (in particular they never speak; I don’t mean to imply that Not Speaking equals Inhuman, but the fact that we are not made privy to how exactly they do communicate means we’re very much kept at arm’s length from them in a way that seems at least somewhat meant to alienate us from them), especially given their role in the story as a whole is relatively minor.  

At the end of the day, though, all the movie’s elements, good and bad, don’t really feel like they add up together coherently enough to make an impact.  And I think if I had to try and guess why, even as I find it wholly enjoyable with a lot to genuinely recommend it by, I don’t find myself especially enamored by “Skull Island”.  It has a lot of different ideas of how to approach its story-70’s pastiche, worldbuilding exercise, Monster Mash-but doesn’t seem to quite succeed at realizing any of them fully, indeed often allowing them to get in each other’s ways.  It isn’t, again, a bad movie as a result of that; there really isn’t any stretch of it where I found myself bored or particularly unentertained.  But I did paradoxically find myself frequently wanting more, even as by rights the movie delivers on basically what I was looking for from it.   

[masaru2042]

King of the Monsters is the Best Season of Game of Thrones Ever!

When I came out of the theater, I hadn't had warm and fuzzies about a movie in...I can't tell you how long.  And this movie gave me warm and fuzzies.  And this is despite the nay-sayers and the idiot critics who are slamming this movie.  Just a little FYI here, Godzilla beat out Aladdin for the #1 spot.  Godzilla pimp-slapped the Mouse into second place opening weekend.  And I approve of this.

But despite all the critics REEEEING over Godzilla and calling it garbage, I'm gonna tell you this movie is awesome and is worth your money.  And if you have a $5 dollar Tuesday like me because you have a Cinemark Cinema in your town...and you're worried about shelling out too much money for something you think you might not like...go see it on Tuesday, pay the 5 bucks, and then see why I said it's worth every cent.  And then go back and see it again full price if you want to.

So like any review I've done, usually I review a movie that I found bad and wanna shit all over it.  It is my thing, after all.  I mean see what all I've said about Godzilla Final Wars and everyone got pissy at me for hating on Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah 1991 and why I said I like GMK so much better...

And of course me shitting on Minya every time I mention Godzilla, because I hate that shit stain...I'm gonna actually give a positive review.

I mean the last movie review I did was Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, and...well...

It’s safe to say I really hated that movie.

But this one, I didn’t.

Just remember, this movie is worth every cent of your money.   You did it!  You did it, Hollywood!  You finally made a REAL GODZILLA MOVIE!  COMPLETE WITH THE ACTUAL GODZILLA THEME SONG!  And the Blue Oyster's Go, Go, Godzilla at the end.  And yes, there's even Mothra's theme song.  And I was singing it during the movie.  To anyone out there who said it couldn't be done...Cough-Steven Spielberg-Cough...we did it!  America has finally made a real Godzilla movie!  You also made the first Godzilla movie that actually gave a proper jump scare...and Godzilla was the one who did it, and I actually jumped!  10/10!  You made me jump at a jump scare and I don't usually jump at jump scares.   And yes, there was one, and it's at the beginning but...it's good.   First Godzilla movie to have a genuine jump scare that actually made me jump.  Thank you, movie! So, how does it start out. Well, it starts out in 2014 and we're following a family called the Russel Family.  No sign of the Brody family, but that's probably because they finally got eaten by sharks because...JAWS, damn it!  And also the Brody family was dull, save for Brian Cranston, and why the fuck didn't G2014 keep Brian Cranston in there? Anyway, we have Mark Russel, Emma Russel, and their daughter Madison Russel...who is played by the actress from Stranger Things...Millie Bobby Brown. I'm gonna refer to her as Eleven from here on out because that's who I know her the most as.  And yes, next month, Stranger Things is coming back to Netflix, and I'm gonna be watching that.  There's also Eleven's little brother, but he only appears in photographs because he ended up getting squashed by Godzilla's foot in San Francisco...so...I'm not gonna bother to learn his name.  Interesting to note, the actor who plays Mark...played Bruce Baxter from King Kong 2005.  But I barely recognize him...so, he doesn't get a quirky name. We do have Ken Watanabe returning as Ishiro Serizawa.  Who I suspect is actually the sun of Daisuke Serizawa...though Daisuke is a completely different kind of person in the MonsterVerse than what he was in the original Gojira.

Okay, so, we cut to about 5 years later, so 2019 and we meet up with Eleven and her mom and El is contacting her dad who is not with them.  He's studying wolves.  And they have a little email convo, Dad's worried about his wife, El is worried about Dad, and so on.  And I like how they build things up here because we don't realize that Eleven and her mom are in China studying Mothra's egg.  Until we hear Mothra's call, and yes it is very recognizable.  I suspect that there weren't veteran Godzilla fans like myself in the theater with me, so, pretty much every fan moment in this movie was something I would recognize but would mostly fall flat on most viewers.  The monster calls and the music.   Except for King Ghidorah's call...they were trying to do his call but...to be honest, it sounded like a bad mix of Heisei Ghidorah and the version they used in Final Wars.  With a little Showa in there.  The most perfect Ghidorah call was done in GMK.  It made him sound powerful, big, and kept the iconic call.  However, King Ghidorah's design looks rather interesting.  It's more of an updated version of Heisei Ghidorah than any of the other Ghidorahs.  Even more interesting is that the three heads all have their own separate personalities.   How can I explain them?  This fan art done by Michael J Larson just might help.

I present to you, Moe, Larry, and Curly.  Legendary turned King Ghidorah into the Three Stooges.  And here's the funny bit, Moe is the middle head, while Curly is the one on the right, and Larry is the one on the left.  And just like in Three Stooges fashion, Moe hates Curly a lot.  He even bops Curly a few times to pretty much make a point on just who these thee heads represent.

Rodan's call didn't sound much like Rodan's call either, but, I'm not a big Rodan fan, so I forgave it.

So, Eleven and Mom here goes down into a cave where Mothra's egg is so they can witness Mothra being born.  And of course call the giant moth-like creature...Mothra.  Because yeah.  We need to state that.  Complete with Mothra's theme!

Well Mom's got a gadget that seems to be able to create a signal that makes the monster docile, and lo and behold it works! And then Tywin Lannister shows up!

This is Charles Dance's character Alan Jonah...you know, like the whale...however, I'm gonna stick with Tywin Lannister.  Because that's who he is!  Well, Tywin kidnaps mom and Eleven.  Tywin actually is trying to be a little nice to Eleven, even making a silly face at her.   Which I thought was cute.  Until she flipped Tywin off...because yes, Eleven can do that to Tywin!  She's probably the only person who can flip Tywin Lannister the bird!  Anyone else would have been beheaded.

Apparently Tywin now runs an eco-terrorist group who are a bunch of nihilists.   And they wanna release King Ghidorah for the purpose of ending the suffering that man has caused the planet.  So...Anime Godzilla Xaliens? Really, Tywin?  The Dragon has three heads, but apparently you merely wanted to end the Targaryan dynasty just to set up the new Ghidorah dynasty.  Well, to tell you the truth, King Ghidorah would make a better ruler than Bran the Broken, so he has my vote on that.  Honestly, this whole movie is like the best Game of Thrones climax ever!  With a little Stranger Things mixed in for good measure.

And King Ghidorah...or rather Ghidorah as they call him in the movie...is actually located in Antarctica.  Because of course he is.  How did he get there?  We don't know.  He is a space monster just like he usually is, and he also wants to fuck over everything on planet Earth, like usual.  But this time...it's him doing it, and not someone controlling him...or rather...that device they call Orca sends out a call at first controls him, but the he's like "Naw, man, I'm my own boss."  And really fucks over Tywin's plans.  Because King Ghidorah at least listened to Olena Tyrell's suggestion of "Be a Dragon."  And he pretty much shows how much he is a dragon, rather than what Danaerys did until the very last minute.  Yes, I won't stop the Game of Thrones comparisons, shut up!  So, apparently, Ghidorah has the Queen of Thorns on his side and she's been talking into his ear more than Mamma Russel's Orca's machine has.  And to show Olena how much of a dragon he is, King Ghidorah eats a few humans as he is freed.

No, I'm serious, King Ghidorah eats people!  Olena would be proud.

He also doesn't listen to Tywin Lannister.  And neither did Aerys, but that's only because Aerys didn't want Cercei to marry Rhaegar.  So, Tywin pretty much gave that dragon a middle finger and decided to get with another three headed dragon...a literal three headed dragon, and they're gonna fuck up the planet, yo!  Until Olena Tyrell started talking to King Ghidorah about playing the Game of Thrones, and now King Ghidorah uses his magic monster call to literally "Call the Banners!"   I'm fucking serious!  There is a reason why the Game of Thrones references will not stop!  King Ghidorah pulls a Rob Stark and turns to Maester Lewin.

King Ghidorah: "Maester Lewin..."

Lewin: "Yes, your Grace."

King Ghidorah: "Call the banners."

Lewin: "All of them?"

King Ghidorah: "All of them."

And the ravens fly!

Meanwhile, Daddy Russel got wind of his wife and daughter being kidnapped, as well as Orca being used to summon King Ghidorah and well, he seems to have a big beef with the monsters in general.  Apparently, he has a bone to pick with Godzilla for the death of his son.   And he wants to Inigo Montoya Godzilla's ass.  The problem is, he's about the size of Godzilla's talon, so I don't think that duel is gonna work very well.  However, it's here where we get to the jump scare that works and why I loved it.  You see, in this scene, we're in an underwater Monarch base where they discuss what they want to do with Godzilla.  Russel is on the "let's kill the bastard" boat along with the American military, and Serizawa is more on the boat of...we becoming Godzilla's adopted children in which he protects from other threats out there.  Or rather...his pets.  Which of course doesn't go very well over with the Americans.  Because...

You honestly think we're gonna be Godzilla's little pet humans, Serizawa?  HELL NO!

But I chock that up to poor translation since English isn't Serizawa's first language.  And maybe that came out wrong.  Anyhoo...yeah, Godzilla's pets.  No.  I like you, big guy, but I ain't gonna be your cat.

So, while we're in this underwater base, Godzilla decides to show up!  And they start pointing their guns at him...which kinda pisses him off.   While Russel here hates Godzilla, even he knows it's not wise to go and pick a fight with him without a plan, so he even tells the guys to stand down, which they do.  And then we have a moment where Godzilla slowly inches close to the glass and Russel and the King of the Monsters have some kind of moment.  And to tell you the truth, it's a better moment than what we had with Brody and Godzilla.  Well, Godzilla at first slinks back into the darkness...and everything seems fine.  And this is where the jump scare happens.  They don't draw it out to where you expect a jump scare to happen, like...most jump scares do.  That's how you know it's a bad jump scare, they draw it out for so long that you know it's gonna jump out and get you.   You're just waiting for it to happen.  Here?  Nope, the moment you think everything is okay, Godzilla jump scares you by just suddenly swimming by the glass.

And that's it.

And I did not expect it at all!

That's how you jump scare people!  Again, this shows why Godzilla is King of the Jump Scares! There is no lingering shot, there is no "he's still there, he's still there, he's still there...he's still there..."  It just comes right out of nowhere like a jump scare does.  And I did jump.  So again, good work, movie.

And I will say I like Russel as well.  Yeah, he's in the "I hate Godzilla and I wanna see him dead" boat, but it's not taken to ridiculous extremes like you'd think it would be.  He's smart, he knows when to fold them if he has to, which in Godzilla movies...is a good thing.  You see, Godzilla movies tend to have characters like Russel be so over the top moronic in their hatred...you just wanna skip right over them and get to the monster fight.  Russel is not one of these characters.  His wife on the other hand...is an idiot, and I might as well address her.

She's flawed, and I'm glad we have for once a flawed female character in a world of female protagonists have to be perfect awesome people so that the feminazis can relate to them.

 Apparently, the SJWs didn't really affect this movie much, and I'm grateful for that.  Yeah, I had one guy tell me how he hated that Ghidorah wasn't called King and that he wasn't really a he...but an it.  But I had to remind him that pretty much that's all the monsters.  Including Godzilla.  And Ghidorah's first movie was Ghidorah the Three-headed Monster in which this movie is a bit of a remake of.  But not quite.  In fact, I went into this movie thinking it was going to be a remake of that movie.  Right down to Eleven being maybe a person possessed by some supernatural being who wanted to warn everyone about King Ghidorah's coming.  She wasn't at all.  I half expected Tywin to be some guy trying to assassinate her and he wasn't.  And I thought Rodan would team up with Mothra and Godzilla against King Ghidorah after Mothra smacked their asses around and talked about friendship and the heart of the cards and shit, but he didn't and neither did Mothra.  Mothra was on Godzilla's side, but not Rodan.   Rodan was on King Ghidorah's side!  He was one of the banners Ghidorah had Maester Lewin send a raven to.  And another one of those ravens went to Nevada of all places and to...and I'm shocked to say this...Kumonga!   Yes, our giant spider from the 60's Showa era has returned in the American reboot!  And much like his Final Wars counterpart, he decided to be in the American Southwest.  Maybe he liked Cowboys or something.   We also had a giant mammoth creature rising out of Wyoming.  And another MUTO.  Why, Legendary?  Why another MUTO?  I guess we needed to reuse an asset or something.  Well, it wouldn't be a Godzilla movie if we didn't.  So...you're checking off the marks here, Legendary.  We even have stock footage in the form of clips!  They are checking off all the Showa marks!

So, while King Ghidorah is flying around in a hurricane he created (totally awesome) and telling Lewin to call his Banners, we suddenly find out that Mamma Russel was actually the mastermind behind this whole "the Dragon has Three Heads" thing.  Yeah, Tywin Lannister wasn't the guy in charge, it was Ma Russel.  And she managed to convince Eleven that this is for the well being of mankind.  You see, she wants the monsters to basically cull the humans and our evil technology, and return the world to a more peaceful time where we were subsistence farmers worshiping giant monsters as gods?  Because that was a more peaceful time?

And this is why she's an idiot.  And her ideas is batshit crazy!  The world has never been more at peace now than any other era.  I'm not kidding about that.  Yeah, we're polluting the planet, and we need to cut back our carbon footprint, but to be honest here...the planet was much warmer during the time of the Dinosaurs than it is currently NOW.   And while I've touted about the lessons of the P-T Extinction Event, aka the Great Dying, in which a flood basalt in Siberia started an out of control greenhouse that resulted in nearly 90% of all life on the planet dying, including the life in the oceans, and set our planet in a biological to be resetted in a way...and that was caused by just the temperature rising on top of all the nasty gasses put into the atmosphere by said flood basalt...I don't think that just going back to subsistence farming is gonna solve the problem, lady.  In fact, it's stated even if we just stop all the polluting now, the damage has already been done.  There is no stopping it.  And NO!  Suddenly causing the entire planet to just become more radioactive is not gonna solve your problem either.  She honestly believed that radiation is some miracle grow fertilizer.  When, no it isn't.   And Carl Sagan can tell you why!  Did you not listen to Threads?  Did you not watch that movie, lady?  I feel like I need to sit you and Final Wars Godzilla down and you both watch that movie together to see why just pumping a bunch of radiation into the atmosphere is not gonna help things.  Final Wars Godzilla needs to learn that we understand the message of nuclear war.  Threads has told us that.  And you, you moronic bitch, need to learn the lesson of radiation will make farming HARDER!

And apparently for a scientist, she's never heard of the Red Forest of Chernobyl.

If you want to know what it looks like to an entire ecosystem when it's been bombarded by radiation...just radiation alone...

See those red trees?  That is caused by massive amounts of radiation being released upon a forest.

Again, I prove why I know more about radiation than anyone who makes a Godzilla movie.  But this time, I will forgive it because this lady is actually stupid and everyone else is far more intelligent in regards to dealing with radiation.  Seriously, how did this woman get a doctorate in which she ended up working for an organization built to study monsters from a time when the Earth was "more radioactive" as it's was stated in this universe's past? And unless you wanna die from cancer or bleeding out your ass, you need to sit your ass down and shut the fuck up.   But thank god this woman is basically the villain and a stupid one at that.  Even Tywin Lannister got tired of her shit.   And Eleven just figured out her mother is a loon.

Basically, Tywin Lannister makes more sense than crazy lady, because well, he at least just wants to release the monsters and wipe out humanity as a whole.  In which the radiation will certainly do that.  So, he's pretty much on the bar on the consequences of what will actually happen more than the idiot bitch.  He just wants to make it happen because he's seen enough evidence of what humans are like, and he's tired of it.  Which I can respect.  Not the whole genocide thing, but the whole...I'm not doing this to "save humanity from itself thing" like crazy moron had pretty much talked herself into...to the point of stupidity and forgetting what radiation actually will do to humans and the ecosystem. Sure, maybe the ecosystem was actually more hardy against radiation in this universe than in our own...but still...that doesn't resolve the issue that TODAY'S plants and animals are not hardy against it! Well our Monarch heroes show up to where Rodan was popping out of that volcano like in the trailer, and we finally get to the first fight.   Monarch leads Rodan to the storm and King Ghidorah, hoping to just have the two fight...but they don't.  Because Rodan is on Ghidorah's side.   So, it's up to Godzilla to take this false king down.  And he does!  He literally pulls a Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah 1991 and decapitates Ghidorah's head!

Well...the United States has a plan to finally put all three monsters down and it's....

The Oxygen Destroyer

Okay, this is where I'm gonna have to gripe.  Because this thing is the single most stupid idea ever!  But at least it does have a pay off in the stinger at the end when everyone basically states that the Gulf of Mexico is now devoid of fish.  However, the existence of this weapon in this movie is uncalled for.  But I suppose it's meant to set up the scene where Serizawa decides to sacrifice himself to bring Godzilla back onto the field.  And to be honest, it's not needed. King Ghidorah could just be enough to knock Godzilla out for a few rounds while he goes on his little mayhem run and Serizawa can still sacrifice his life to revive Godzilla from that horrid beating.  You don't need this thing in this movie, guys!  You don't!  You put it in there because you had that little teaser a few years back showing the Oxygen Destroyer in an old Monarch location and people were speculating it.   So, you had to give us something.

And people wonder why my Game of Thrones references are happening in this review...because...this is Clegane Bowl, people.  This is Clegane Bowl and how stupid Dumb and Dumber made it.  It comes out of nowhere because the fans were expecting it, and you didn't even bother to set it in the Dragon pits and fill it to the brim with chickens.  We are disappointed with you!

However, I did get a laugh out of it.   Military guy: "We have this weapon we've been developing.  It's called the Oxygen Destroyer!  We're gonna use it on these monsters."

Thanks, America, you just killed all the fish in the Gulf.  You morons!

And it didn't work on King Ghidorah because he's an alien. Tell Kiryuu Knight that!  He managed to stick his Oxygen Destroyer into King Ghidorah and it worked like magic.

However, I will say that you're not the only ones who did something stupid with the Oxygen Destroyer, Legendary.  Kiryuu did to in Halo 3 Different.  He had the thing with him, took it to High Charity, and then forgot that he had it.  Yeah, I'm capable of my idiot moments in writing as well.   But I noticed that no reader really noticed the Oxygen Destroyer was even mentioned in that story...so, can't complain.

Well the Oxygen Destroyer also didn't really kill Godzilla, however it did wound him enough that he retreated to the bowels of the Earth to recover.  Basically Hollow Earth theory.  Or rather, not really.  They call it Hollow Earth Theory, but it really isn't.  I know Hollow Earth Theory because I love poking fun at morons who claim stupid shit.   Hollow Earth Theory looks like this.

See that?  That's a sun instead of a molten core.  This is the theory touted by racists like Hitler and Lewis Farakhan.   The thing the MonsterVerse came up with is more like...the crust is made out of Swiss cheese.  Rather than the Earth being hollow.  Basically, the Earth is Tennessee.  Tennessee's crust is made out of Swiss cheese, and now these guys applied that to the entire planet.  But no, the Earth isn't really hollow in the MonsterVerse, not the way the actual Hollow Earth Theory states.  And that has been my biggest problem with the nomenclature they use for this theory in this universe.  but I guess Swiss cheese Earth didn't really catch on as good as Hollow Earth.   So Godzilla falls through one of these Swiss cheese holes and King Ghidorah regrows his head.  Holy shit!  However, I noticed, to regrow his head, he had to be sitting on a volcano with his storm raging over him.  So...he's drawing power from somewhere to regrow that head, which is why he probably can't regrow his entire body from a single severed head in the totally not gonna make Mecha-King Ghidorah with Tywin Lannister as the pilot stinger. And he's calling his banners.

So this is where we have our Serizawa sacrifice scene.  They go into one of the Swiss cheese holes after Mothra in her full glory appears and starts raining down her prettiness on top of the water to guide them to where Godzilla is...complete with her theme of course...and the guys find out some very ancient ruins of a civilization long gone.  These ruins appear to be a hodgepodge of Egyptian, Mesoamerican, Mesopotamian, Eutruscan, Celtic creation.  Why are they down there, why haven't we seen these things before, and is this the Lost City of Atlantis...I'm banking it's Atlantis.  And the Atlantians worshiped Godzilla...before they all moved to Georgia and built the greatest airport mankind has ever seen.

It's all connected, I tell you!

LAX has nothing on Atlanta!

And the closer to where Godzilla is sleeping, the more radioactive it becomes.  They decide to deliver a nuke to him to wake him up because nukes feed Godzilla.  But the battle with Rodan and King Ghidorah damaged the sub's launching bay and they have to deliver it manually.   So Serizawa draws the short straw, gives Papa Russel his notes on Godzilla, and decides to go in and give Godzilla the pick me up he needs.  But not before Serizawa boops the Goji snoot.  Which is cute. And going back to think on it.  At least Serizawa gave Godzilla much deserved pats.  Because he's a good boi, damn it!  Unlike Jon who...only gave Ghost pats at the last second!

Why you so mean, Jon?!

It seems Godzilla is very much aware of our existence.  As he's shown even in the 2014 film to notice those tiny ants under his feet.  He is very much aware of the humans, and even after he awakens...to the sound of this...

Since when did we import Akira Ifukube into this thing?

Okay, are you trying to show how awesome you are to us G-fans, movie, because we get it!  We get it!  You are awesome.   Thank you for that.

Alright, so Goji theme going on and Godzilla starts heading to where King Ghidorah is.

Meanwhile, Tywin Lannister and his eco-lions along with crazy bitch and Eleven are in Boston of all places.  While King Ghidorah is making a mess out of Washington DC.

But he is making a mess out of the place and according to the scientists, he's also trying to reformat the planet to suit his needs. In Boston, Eleven decides to steal the Orca and head into Red Sox Stadium.  She hooks it up to the massive broadcaster speakers to signal to King Ghidorah to come to Boston.  And it works.  Unfortunately.   Godzilla also gets that signal and he heads for it too.   Papa Russel then gets the idea of rather than letting the Gods duke it out in the Red Sox stadium, it's probably time for the humans to show Godzilla that they are on his team.  And so...by the power of Akira Ifukue...Godzilla and Monarch charge into battle.  And no, not kidding about that either.  They charge in with Godzilla's theme song playing in the background.  And yes, Godzilla knows they are on his team.  You can tell.  You can seriously tell.  Godzilla is surrounded by military planes and he's like "These guys are with me!"

I'm literally getting Godzilla vs. Hedorah vibes from this because Godzilla and the military actually did team up to defeat Hedorah.  And not only that, but Godzilla acknowledged humans several times in that movie.  And yes, this movie is actually dedicated to Banno, who was the director of Godzilla vs. Hedorah.  So, I approve.  And so would he.  And it's explained in the movie why Godzilla recognizes the humans as his allies.  The Orca's signal is not only mixed with the call of an alpha "titan" as the kaiju are called in the movie, but also the voice of humans.  Because we're the alpha predators of this planet!  So, Godzilla, obviously hearing not only that sound, but also seeing human dominance all over the place has pretty much recognized humanity as a partner species.  And apparently he also recognizes Mothra as a fellow partner species that helps him keep the order, so he now has "imprinted" that status onto humans as well.   We're not his pets, Serizawa, we're his partner.  I knew the Serizawa's English was off on that.  But it reaches the coexistence he is trying to achieve. Mothra also joins the fight, but a bit later when Rodan starts fucking Godzilla's shit over.  Meanwhile, Godzilla is building up for a finishing move on Ghidorah...and because of that, there's a timer.  Papa Russel wants to go in and save Eleven before that timer runs out.  And I'm suspecting Godzilla knows this because he's actually holding back a bit.  It's severely hinted that Godzilla knows this.  At least to me it is.  Like Russel shot Godzilla a message or something.

Russel: "Can you keep that thing busy, Godzilla?  I gotta save my daughter!"

Godzilla: "Sure, but not for long.  I'll give you 10 minutes, tops!  But after that, I gotta unleash this nuclear pulse, or else I might blow myself up if I don't."

Russel: "Ten minutes! Got it!"

Again, not that I mind, but Eleven has Arya Stark plot armor, so...she'll be fine.  However, the plot armor is a staple of Godzilla.  So, not that gripey about it either.  Honestly, when dealing with Godzilla, no character, not even the main ones, should have plot armor.   Unless they are so far away from the fight it wouldn't matter.

That rule goes for you as well, Toho!  Especially with that whole 24 week long half life thing you had in Shin-Godzilla!  Plot armor was the only thing keeping those boring characters alive, because it sure wasn't their hazmat suits.  Those things looked like they were made out of tissue paper.  Which wouldn't help in dealing with rads that high.  Even my mother would know that!

So, if 24 week long half life could get a pass on not killing characters in that shit of a movie, this much better one can get a pass on Eleven not dying.

Meanwhile, crazy bitch Russel finally decides to do something of actual merit and go after her daughter.  And Tywin lets her.  Because that's not his problem.  Just as long as she doesn't take his men with her...he doesn't give a shit. 

He really doesn't give a shit.

So that's it for Tywin, we don't see him again until the Stinger, but I've revealed that already.   So crazy bitch goes after her daughter, Papa goes after his daughter, and they end up finding the Orca all smashed up.  And Godzilla is not doing very well in the fight.  He is obviously holding that nuclear pulse in. And yes, it is a nuclear pulse.  He's like: "Russel, hurry up! I can't hold this fart in!"

Mothra punctures Rodan in the chest with her stinger.  And honestly, she's GMK Mothra.  Which is cool.  However, she does end up dying during this fight in the attempt to help Godzilla get back on his feet.  But like always, she is basically a phoenix and will rise from the ashes through another egg. King Ghidorah is kicking Godzilla's ass all over the place.  And when the Russels finally reunite and fix the damned Orca, they turned it on and lead King Ghidorah away from Godzilla long enough for Godzilla to unleash his secret weapon that I spoiled.  The nuclear pulse!  And it is glorious!  He goes red like Burning Godzilla from Godzilla vs. Destroyah, but...it's so much cooler.  This red burning look isn't because he's gonna die, it's him charging up his new weapon.  And that nuclear pulse is...basically like an atomic blast!  Right down to the shearing of flesh from bones!  Unfortunately, crazy bitch basically dies in the fire, leaving Russel and Eleven to watch from a distance as Godzilla incinerates King Ghidorah.

And for good measure to make sure Ghidorah doesn't come back...GODZILLA EATS KING GHIDORAH!  That has never happened in any Godzilla movie.   EVER.  Clap!  This Godzilla is just the most brutal of any Godzilla.  I think GMK Goji might have to bow to this king since he EATS his foes!

And Godzilla stands over a demolished Boston, roars in triumphant.  And as the other kaiju show up, he pretty much pulls a Robert Baratheon.

As if the Game of Thrones references couldn't stop there. So, Godzilla reveals himself to be King Robert Baratheon, which works out because Tywin Lannister is wanting to take him down.   So, I'll describe the stinger at the end of the movie.  We show Tywin Lannister and his eco-lions walking into a bunker and the guy is explaining that after the Oxygen Destroyer, the fishing in the Gulf is shit now.  Because yeah.  It would be.  It's the Oxygen Destroyer.   Well, as he walks into a large room, we see King Ghidorah's only remaining head with flies buzzing around it. And it looks exactly like the scene from Godzilla vs. Mecahgodzilla 1993 when General Aso and a team of scientists come into a room with Mecha-King Ghidorah's head in it...saying "We have it now, a robot to kill Godzilla."

And this is why I think Tywin Lannister is gonna build himself Mecha-King Ghidorah...and take over Westeros.

So all in all, I really look forward to Game of Thrones season 10.  It really is shaping up to probably the best season we're ever gonna get.   And Season 9 of Game of Thrones ended with a huge bang.  I was really satisfied with what they did.  Tywin's back!  And he's backing the real Dragon...with the Three Heads.  I don't think Maester Aemon thought the dragon having three heads meant King Ghidorah, but as George RR Martin stated...prophesies do end up biting your prick off.

So, what do you all think Season 10 of Game of Thrones is gonna be like?

All joking aside, I loved this movie.  I really did.

And continuing the Game of Thrones comparisons, the night fight shots in this film...10 times better than The Long Night of Season 8 of Game of Thrones.  Why?  BECAUSE YOU COULD ACTUALLY SEE FIGHT! But if I have one true gripe to say about it...aside from the Oxygen Destroyer...it's that this movie happened BEFORE Godzilla vs. Kong.

No, I'm serious on this.  This movie sounds like it should have been done after Godzilla vs. Kong.   And I did kinda hated that King Ghidorah had to die in this movie, rather than return as an actual threat again later.

But who knows....we do have that head left over, so anything can happen.

[poppyofwales]

BASICS.

Name: 

philippa 

the feminine form of her father’s name. technically it means lover of horses.

alexandrina

the given name of her great-great-grandmother, queen victoria. greek in origin, it means defender of the people.

beatrice

meaning she who brings happiness. the guide through paradise in dante’s divine comedy and the high-spirited heroine of much ado about nothing.

clementine

the only name her american mother was allowed to choose to bestow upon her. it is one that poppy holds quite dear.

house of saxe-coburg and gotha

technically, as a member of the royal family styled HRH, poppy does not have a traditional surname. ( her passport lists her as her royal highness the princess philippa alexandrina beatrice clementine )  if she ever did need a surname for legalities, she would use saxe-coburg and gotha

Nickname: poppy, by most everyone; pippa by very close family; clementine by her mother alone.

Gender & Pronouns: female & she/her

Age & DOB: twenty-eight; january 18, 1992

Zodiac sign: capricorn

Orientation: heterosexual & heteroromantic 

Nationality: british

Ethnicity: white

Religion: church of england

Neuroses: poppy always has to ensure she looks perfectly presentable when in public, even if she is just at lunch in an out-of-the-way restaurant with a friend. there could be cameras everywhere. she is also quite sensitive to the flashes of cameras and worked for years with a therapist to overcome that.

HISTORY.

Hometown: london, england

Father: his majesty the king philip i 

Mother: her majesty the queen willa ( nee symonds ) 

Siblings, if any: his royal highness the prince edward of wales, aged twenty-six

Extended family: 

on her father’s side, an aunt ( victoria, the princess royal ) and two cousins ( jeremy, earl of snowdon and lady annabel saxe-coburg and gotha ). she was incredibly close to her paternal grandmother, the queen mother, who has recently passed away.

on her mother’s side, several aunts, uncles, and cousins who all reside in america. she is close only to her mother’s parents, for they relocated to england shortly after poppy was born. 

Educational background:

north london collegiate school; 1996-2000 

hill house school, london; 2000-05

benenden school; 2005-10

gap year

university of edinburgh; 2011-15 ( ma in linguistics )

Languages spoken:

english (fluent) welsh (fluent) latin (reading fluent; not conversationally fluent) french (fluent) german (moderately fluent) italian (conversational) spanish (conversational) portuguese (basic; currently working on it)

Occupational history:

princess of the united kingdom

poppy is a working royal and, as such, carries out official engagements on behalf of her father, king philip i. she has a decent amount of free time where she can occasionally jet-set off to other locales, but she tries to keep those under wraps and does not flaunt it publicly. 

Achievements:

head girl; benenden school

THE SOCIETY.

Codename: theia

Meaning: goddess or divine. after the titan goddess of sight and the blue ether of the sky. she also is the reason gold and silver have such intrinsic value. 

Traditionalist or Reformist?: traditionalist; poppy knows well what duty and the status quo mean and most of the time she follows them.

Goals in the society: to ensure that she becomes the next queen regnant, being the first heir of her father. 

Opinion on the society: it’s necessary. without the society and similarly functioning organizations, the world as we know it would cease to exist. people in power exist to ensure that those not in power know how to function.

PERSONALITY.

MBTI: enfj-A { the protagonist } 

Protagonists are natural-born leaders, full of passion and charisma. Forming around two percent of the population, they are oftentimes our politicians, our coaches and our teachers, reaching out and inspiring others to achieve and to do good in the world. With a natural confidence that begets influence, Protagonists take a great deal of pride and joy in guiding others to work together to improve themselves and their community. Protagonists radiate authenticity, concern and altruism, unafraid to stand up and speak when they feel something needs to be said. They find it natural and easy to communicate with others, especially in person, and their Intuitive trait helps people with the Protagonist personality type to reach every mind, be it through facts and logic or raw emotion.The interest Protagonists have in others is genuine, almost to a fault – when they believe in someone, they can become too involved in the other person’s problems, place too much trust in them. Luckily, this trust tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, as Protagonists’ altruism and authenticity inspire those they care about to become better themselves. But if they aren’t careful, they can overextend their optimism, sometimes pushing others further than they’re ready or willing to go. Assertive Protagonists view themselves with more self-confidence.

Enneagram: One { 98% } with a very close Three { 96% }

Type One can be thought of as the Perfectionist. Ones are defined by their belief that everything must be in order, and by their feeling that they must always be right. They show great commitment and determination to improve conditions that they find need improvement, and they are forward in encouraging others to improve their performance, too. 

Type Three is also known as The Achiever. Threes want to be successful and admired by other people, and are very conscious of their public image.

Temperament: phlegmatic

The phlegmatic temperament is fundamentally relaxed and quiet, ranging from warmly attentive to lazily sluggish. Phlegmatics tend to be content with themselves and are kind. They are accepting and affectionate. They may be receptive and shy and often prefer stability to uncertainty and change. They are consistent, relaxed, calm, rational, curious, and observant, qualities that make them good administrators. They can also be passive-aggressive.

Hogwarts House: slytherin

Inspirations/Parallels: princess anne, catherine de’ medici, queen mary i

Tropes: old money, royal blood, british royal family, rich kid, forbidden fruit

YOUR MUSE AS ..:

A piece of art: girl with a pearl earring by vermeer

A song: to live is to fly by townes van zandt

A book: the voyage out by virginia woolf

A movie: the secret life of walter mitty (solely for the traveling aspect)

A TV show: belgravia

A historical era: the regency period

A historical figure: mary i of england

A fictional character: caroline bingley

A colour: peacock blue

An animal: a swan

YOUR MUSE’S DREAM ..:

Job: 

queen of the united kingdom ( and the commonwealth ). if she was not royal, however, poppy would have loved to have worked in international relations on a smaller scale ( translating, perhaps working for an ambassador, etc. )

Vacation:

something relaxing, where there are not cameras taking photographs of her every minute of every day. a private island would be ideal, with the opportunity to be on the beach as well as venture into a lush jungle or forest. in reality, most of poppy’s vacations take place in the cotswolds or on a royal estate. 

Day:

waking up for tea with her parents at buckingham, a couple of engagements in the morning, lunch at the bluebird with her friends, followed by afternoon bikram yoga and a dinner that she prepares for herself in her kensington palace apartment. ( poppy generally likes her life and often lives out what she enjoys doing. yes, she has a strong desire for duty, but if she did not enjoy it, she’d have found another ambition for which to funnel her attentions. )

As a child:

to be queen. poppy never truly understood why her brother should be king simply because he was born a boy and she a girl. it’s a dream that has stuck with her throughout her entire life.

Last night:

poppy very rarely remembers her dreams.

That they gave up on:

attending university in america. she was accepted at harvard, princeton, and stanford and had desperately wanted to study outside of britain. however, she chose the university of edinburgh instead, well aware that attending a british school could only endear her to the public. 

That they have right now:

to pursue that which is hers. with primogeniture being abolished years ago, it makes sense that poppy should be the next queen regnant. but as her parents and parliament don’t see the need to “strip edward of his birthright” ( that poppy argues shouldn’t have been his birthright to begin with ), she has to find a way to do it herself.

[twodudesandamovie]

Brokeback Mountain Review

In lights of the recent Academy Awards, Eric nominated one of the more famous Oscar snubs in Brokeback mountain. Both Alex and Eric also were interested in how we look at LGBTQIA+ movies today as opposed to 15 years ago. Among the things discussed post-review were how Brokeback Mountain wouldn’t be controversial today, and how it was really a common love story with a twist.  Alex's Review: With ample amounts of dread, I dove into this over two hour long Lil Nas X origin story. Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger's characters seem to have no real jobs and instead aimlessly move sheep from Point A to Point B for no fucking reason and get paid for it. I guess maybe this is what being a cowboy entailed, but I assumed you became noted as a cowboy by your big hat combined with a denim jacket/jeans. Who could say really. Their relationship starts out on a confusing note, where you feel uncomfortable as to the willingness of both parties, but eventually you get to see a very complicated narrative form about what it was like to be secretly gay in 1963. The parts of the film that involve herding sheep are actually very entertaining, to have a peek into a lifestyle of a man who has to be able to pick up an entire sheep. I do not want or think I will ever need that ability, but I digress. The movie itself, although dreadfully long, hit on a lot of complicated emotions. Trying to follow three or more unsuccessful relationships throughout the course of the movie felt emotionally taxing at times, but not necessarily in a way that I could not relate to. At the end of the day, it sort of is just a complicated love story, but with a twist on it. Not unheard of in film, but I've never had to experience it told in this form. Usually, there's a "taking two girls to the same dance" kind of humor to it all. Eric and I talked about how we were interested to see the movie post 2005, where the stigma of homosexuality is no longer prevalent in society. That being said, the movie felt like its overall message was sort of missed, if it actually had a message. However, the movie's goal to hit me on an emotional level was extremely successful. I went from not caring about the characters and very confused about the purpose of their work or why they could not foster a single healthy relationship, I ended being surprised I had somehow burnt through 135 minutes and very sad Jake and Heath did not get to live their best lives. Although I think it was a actually a REALLY good movie on a lot of levels, I wouldn't say I necessarily enjoyed the film. It is surely the highest rated movie on Rotten Tomatoes I have seen in the past decade that is not a comedy or animated, the entire sentiment was sort of lost on me, because in 2020, the year of our lord, I now have shame that I am straight. Funny how time works. Alex's rating: 7/10

Eric’s Review: Growing up, Brokeback Mountain was of course known as “the gay cowboy movie.” Looking back, that summary was so minimizing for a movie of this excellence, but that’s what 14-year-old me knew it as. That shortsighted synopsis carried with me to this day, I’m not proud of it, but that’s what it stuck in my head as. It generated tons of controversy when it came out in 2005. Primordial fuck-noodles like Rush Limbaugh and Don Imus weren’t short on homophobic remarks of Brokeback, and the owner of the Utah Jazz even pulled it from his movie theatre’s. Every conservative with a mouth cavity couldn’t contain their uproar. Then it was snubbed at the Oscars. Crash won Best Picture instead of Brokeback Mountain, it shouldn’t have hurt this movie’s legacy, but it did. Crash seems more deeply-ingrained in my memory than Brokeback Mountain, and maybe because society at that time wasn’t ready for a movie quite like this. We put it in a box and never let it out. After watching, I deeply felt that it didn’t matter what Jack or Ennis’ sexual orientation’s were (as it shouldn’t), it was a love story about two exceedingly lonely human’s trapped in a society that wouldn’t accept them. Fast-forward 30-40 years from when the movie was set, and it didn’t seem like much had changed. I don’t think Crash deserved Best Picture over Brokeback Mountain, but am I angry that it happened? Not really. Awards are decided by those that vote on them (no shit), and that particular group of people felt Crash was the better movie. C’est la vie. I usually don’t enjoy dwelling on plot in my reviews but I owe it to the reader to say what this movie is about since so many people refer to it as “the gay cowboy movie.” Two men, Jack Twist (played by Jake Gylenhaal) and Ennis Del Ray (played by Heath Ledger), show up at a trailer in Wyoming asking for work for the summer. A jack-of-all-trades (including being a jackass) named Joe needs someone to keep an eye on his sheep for him up in Brokeback Mountain, so he sends them up there to do so with a horse, some guns, and some cans of beans. As they spend time on the scenic heart-swelling Brokeback Mountain, they fall in love. But it’s the early 60s, and as they prepare to go back down the mountain, they know they can’t carry out their romance in the narrow-minded rural landscape of their country towns. As Ennis points out, people get killed for that. This act ends in Jack and Ennis having a fist fight, as emotionally repressed men tend to do. Focus-in on blood Jack gets on his shirt and save this for later. Post-tryst, Ennis gets married and Jack is a rodeo boy making passes at bull-tamers. But then Ennis gets a postcard one day. The screenplay does a wonderful job seamlessly transitioning time as they carry out their romance over the years. They’d tell their wives they were going on “fishing trips,” when they were really going to the mountains for some whiskey and love-making. We can tell Ennis truly does love his wife Alma (played by Michelle Williams) at the start of their relationship. They have two kids, but the kids cause quite a strain on their marriage. And as the years go by, Ennis’ commitment issues due to his parents abandoning him as a child rear their ugly head. Jack marries a fellow rodeo girl in Texas named Laureen (played by Anne Hathaway), but their relationship is more of a business transaction. She approaches him to engage in some tumbleweed-rodeo-secks. She just wants a kid and a husband to help in the machinery business. This is okay with Jack and their marriage lasts, even with Jack’s infidelities. Ennis’ doesn’t. Alma knows about Ennis and Jack’s relationship and they grow apart over the years. Ennis’ commitment issues aren’t exclusive to Alma, though. As the film progresses, we see he applied this to every relationship in his life: his future girlfriend, his daughter’s, and even Jack. It’s why their relationship ultimately fails. Jack had dreams of living in the Wyoming country and being a cattle rancher with Ennis, but Ennis often laughed at the notion. Ennis remembers a time when his dad showed him a dead body of a gay man beaten to death. It’s hard to say if he’s ashamed of their relationship, or just scared. Even when he breaks down to Jack and exclaims: “YOU MADE ME LIKE THIS!” The audience knows he doesn’t really mean it, he’s just a scared Wyoming cowboy with commitment issues. The last act starts with Ennis attempting to mail Jack a postcard, as that’s how they used to communicate (I really do love how much more romantic a postcard or a letter can be than a text), he gets a return to sender that says “deceased.” Ennis calls Laureen and talks to her for the first time in his life. She knows he was one of Jack’s lover’s and seems slightly annoyed but at peace with it. She gives him a bogus story about how a tire popped and Jack drowned in his own blood, but Ennis knows he was beaten to death for being gay. His whole bitter-tough-cowboy facade crumbles, as it only could with Jack, and Ennis and Laureen have an honest moment reminiscing over the man they both loved. We could tell Laureen’s relationship with Jack was no longer transactional, as they aged together and learned to love each other. She tells Ennis he was cremated and that Jack always wanted his ashes scattered on Brokeback Mountain, and that he should go visit his parents. When Ennis arrives, we immediately know the family dynamic: Jack had a typical tough-exterior-tobacco-spitting farmer dad, but a sweet gentle mom where Jack may have gotten the familial love and understanding that Ennis never got. He used to tell his dad that he wanted to buy a home near him with Ennis and help with the ranch. Even through the dad’s tough exterior and his insistence on Jack’s ashes being scattered at the family plot and not at Brokeback Mountain, we can tell he’s truly a father who misses his son. There is something fragile to him, something so melancholy that it expels a grieving scent throughout the home. Jack’s mom tells Ennis that she left his room as it was when he was a child. Ennis goes up there in the most heartbreaking scene of the movie, and sees Jack’s roots. Then he wanders over to the closet and finds the shirt Jack was wearing the last day they were on Brokeback Mountain. The blood from their fight is still on the sleeve. It’s a symbol of how Ennis pushed away everyone he’s ever loved, but especially Jack, the love of his life and only one who ever truly understood him. He takes the shirt, not only as a memorial to Jack, but as a reminder of how he’s treated his loved ones in his life. In the last scene, Ennis’ daughter visits him. Previously, we learned Ennis was largely absent from her life. Ennis doesn’t even know who she’s currently dating when she visits him, and then she tells him she’s getting married. At first, Ennis wants to cling to his cold exterior, the shell it seems he’s reverted into even more since Jack’s death. But we see him finally shed this shell, as he tells his daughter he’ll be at the wedding. Maybe he heard Jack’s voice in his head reminding him to be a bit more brave, as after Ennis’ daughter leaves, he walks over to his dresser where Jack’s bloody shirt hangs. Cut to credits and let me cry. The first point that caught my eye about directorial choices in this movie was the stark juxtaposition of the dream-like Wyoming mountains and the depressing domestication of Wyoming and Texas rural home-life. The resplendent colors we see in the mountains and the off-whites and browns we see in Wyoming and Texas are purposeful and are painted with sincere artistry. Ang Lee had a balloon and he grabbed it with his gentle directorial touch then smeared it with peanut butter and sent it off into the clouds. The acting was downright phenomenal. I believe this was the first movie where Heath Ledger was taken seriously as an actor and not a Hollywood heartthrob. It was pre-Dark Knight and he may have never gotten that role if it weren’t for this movie. I know I pointed it out in my Little Women review, but the talent it takes to change your accent like that is befuddling. Ledger is Australian and is talking in a down-home Wyoming drawl. His portrayal of Ennis is the beating heart of this movie. I’d like to say he was a strong and silent type, but really he was weak and silent, sort of a metaphor for the way our society treated sexuality back then. I could review each actor’s performance, but the truth is: it was utterly superb all around. Only with this kind of acting and screenwriting can a movie achieve such character depth and nuance. Rating: 9.5/10. One of the best film’s of the twenty-first century. Did this deserve the Oscar over Crash? Fuck yes it did. I liked Crash but it wasn’t the all-around masterpiece Brokeback Mountain was. It’s also insane to think how far LGBTQ+ has come in 15 years, as I think Brokeback Mountain wouldn’t even be close to as controversial today as it was back then. Do I think it might’ve won the Oscar? Probably not. The academy hasn’t evolved much since then. R.I.P. Heath Ledger too, it was so sad watching a deceased actor at the top of his talent in one of his best roles. 

[tlbodine]

A Decade of Horror Recommendations: Millennium Edition

After my 2010s horror recs post, @comicreliefmorlock asked me to do some for older films. So I figured I’d just work my way backward. 

The lists might get a bit shorter and less diverse as I go back in time as I’m not as well-versed in older horror films, but I’ll toss out some recommendations for what I’ve seen and maybe some will be new to you anyway :)

Long post under the cut! 

2000: A Surprisingly Good Year for Horror 

Maybe we don’t think of the Y2K year as a big one for the horror genre, but it was still riding the tail end of the slasher/teen horror revival. Some must-sees:

Final Destination: I’ve written pretty extensively about this movie and it’s no surprise that I like it a lot, even if the sequels get downright ridiculous. The original still stands on its own feet. 

Ginger Snaps: Maybe one of the best werewolf movies, period. Smart writing and a strong female cast as an added bonus. 

American Psycho: Did you know this came out in 2000? I honestly always thought it was older, somehow, maybe because by the time I watched it in college it seemed like everyone had seen it. Fun fact: did you know it was directed by a woman? 

What Lies Beneath: Part psychological horror, part drama-thriller, and sporting a surprisingly A-list cast. It has some well-worn tropes, but it’s a solid watch. 

Battle Royale: Speaking of movies that seem like they’re way older than they are, did you know Battle Royale only came out in the year 2000? 

There were a smattering of Asian imports in 2000 but none of them quite got their feet under them. I will make a shout-out/honorable mention here for Blood: The Last Vampire, an anime film that’s pretty well-known and gets referenced a lot. 

2001: The Beginning of the End (for a little while)

Some solid stand-alone titles came out this year, but it also was the start of when the 90s revival started to dwindle down, I feel, with plenty of disappointments to go around. Scary Movie didn’t help much (and it also launched a whole trend of really awful spoof movies, which tried real hard to kill the comedy genre for a long time, imo). Anyway, some recs! 

Jeepers Creepers: The director is an unfortunate sack of shit, but the movie is quite good. The first part, which draws heavily from a true story, is especially chilling. 

Thirteen Ghosts: An underrated gem. The plot twists too much for my liking, but the ghost designs are super cool and the whole concept of the house is neat. A+ for originality. 

The Devil’s Backbone: Maybe my favorite Guillermo Del Toro film, and a damn good ghost story to boot. 

Suicide Club: A Japanese import that feels a bit ahead of its time in terms of pop culture (and internet culture especially). Features a couple of squick-heavy scenes I still struggle to watch (but, like, in a good way). 

Ichi the Killer: Another Japanese import and my introduction to Takashi Miike, who makes me more viscerally uncomfortable than just about anyone. 

It’s also probably worth mentioning From Hell, the Johnny Depp movie about Jack the Ripper, which many people enjoyed. I personally strongly dislike the film for reasons I can’t fully explain. 

2002: Wait, That’s When That Movie Came Out? 

I feel like 2002 was a big year for me in the “movies I enjoy but didn’t watch until years later” department, probably because I was a teenager with minimal access to decent cinema. It was also a rocking good year for Japanese horror. 

28 Days Later: A movie that brought about the return of zombies in a big way, and also introduced (or at least popularized) fast zombies. Also it’s super scary. 

May: I don’t even know if May counts as horror, but it’s a dark, quirky movie that I try to make everyone watch because I love it so much. 

Ghost Ship: Honestly the bulk of the movie is pretty forgettable, but the opening scene is one of my favorite moments in gory cinematic history. 

Signs: M. Night Shyamalan’s last decent movie or his first shitty one, depending on who you ask. I liked it a lot when I first watched it, and it started to fall apart more and more as I got older. 

Ju-On: The Grudge: One of the better-known Japanese horrors and one whose tropes still get referenced and re-used. Skip the 2004 remake and watch the original trilogy. 

The Ring: Probably the best-known Japanese horrors and maybe the import that put “Japanese horror” into public consciousness. 

There was a lot of shlocky dreck in 2002, some of it decent (Cabin Fever) and some of it downright awful (Pinata: Survival Island/Demon Island). I should also mention Red Dragon, based on Thomas Harris’s novel of the same name, which quite a few people liked (I’ve only seen it once but I recall being underwhelmed). Also an honorable mention to Dog Soldiers, which I have not seen but which I hear frequently recommended as an A+ werewolf film. 

2003: Wow that’s a lot of dreck 

Look fam nobody said these film recs would be objective. There were a ton of horror movies that came out in 2003, I just didn’t really like hardly any of them. Some exceptions: 

Willard: The movie that made me want to start keeping rats as pets, which says more about me than it does the film. It’s a great movie, though, the first thing I ever saw Crispin Glover in (and god, he’s amazing), and one of the few films that I think is better than the book. 

Identity: A pretty decent psychological horror starring John Cusack. Watch this and 1408 together as a double-feature for maximum fun factor. 

House of 1000 Corpses: Look, if you’re reading this blog, you probably already have an opinion one way or another of Rob Zombie. The movie’s on the list because it’s arguably historically important, not because it’s objectively good. 

A few other notable moments from 2003 included a Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake (just watch the original, but if you insist on a remake, this is one of the better ones), the second Final Destination film (the last good one in the franchise), the Jeepers Creepers sequel, Freddy vs Jason, Darkness Falls, and Dreamcatcher. Like I said, there were lots of movies that came out this year, I just don’t think they were very good. 

2004: Oops we created torture porn 

I was in college at this point, which meant I was watching less horror than at any other moment in my life (I had a roommate who really hated scary movies) so maybe that’s why I haven’t heard of the majority of movies that came out that year. Or maybe they were all just really bad, hence why I still haven’t seen them. Hmmm. But! A few shining stars: 

Saw: Obviously a classic. I’m lukewarm about the franchise, but the original is an excellent film and well worth watching, especially given the impact it would have on the next many years of horror cinema. 

Shaun of the Dead: Hilarious, and honestly one of my favorite zombie films of all time. 

Dumplings: A Korean important you likely missed in 2004 but may have seen in a Three Extremes compilation. Well worth the watch if you’re not squeamish. 

Otherwise 2004 was pretty lackluster. Some forgettable franchise installments, some shlocky creature features, some unnecessary remakes. Lots of titles I’m unfamiliar with, though, too, so somebody tell me if I missed a big one that year! 

2005: Ehhhh

Just a couple important titles this year too: 

Hostel: Not a great movie. In fact, pretty damn campy. But an important one to watch to understand the torture porn genre. 

The Devil’s Rejects: See above re: House of 1000 Corpses. Hit or miss but a well-liked film by Rob Zombie fans. 

And  you know what, I think that’s actually it. I mean there were other movies -- a remake of The Fog,  the infinitely predictable Hide and Seek, the second Saw installment, and of course Doom. But it just wasn’t a great year for horror, imo. One shout-out here though for Wolf Creek, which is on my to-watch list; I haven’t seen it so I can’t vouch for it, but it does get recommended to me a lot. 

2006: Mostly more of the same 

Did we seriously have a Saw movie every year in the 2000s or what? No wonder everybody got sick of them and thought all horror was torture porn for a while. Talk about market saturation. 

Anyway, some shout-outs: 

Stay Alive: This movie is ridiculous, but I love it a lot. It’s about a video game that kills you in real life, and is a more successful video game movie than most actual adaptations. 

ReCycle: An Asian import. I missed this one entirely when it came out, but it’s one of my favorites to have discovered in later years. It’s a seriously cool movie, both fanciful and deeply uncomfortable. Content warning for abortion, but it’s not what you think. 

Otherwise, just some mostly soulless remakes (The Omen, The Hills Have Eyes, The Wicker Man), some franchise installments (Saw III, Final Destination 3, The Grudge 2). I will give an honorable mention to Black Sheep, which is so-bad-it’s-good ridiculous, and to that cult favorite Slither. 

2007: Wait, is horror getting good again?

Well, not quite, but we’re back on the map with some promising additions in a year where the genre seemed to be struggling to rediscover its identity: 

The Mist: One of the better Stephen King adaptations. 

30 Days of Night: A divisive entry in the canon, but a pretty interesting piece to study for anyone interested in vampires. 

28 Weeks Later: Not exactly a direct sequel to the earlier 28 Days Later, and probably not as good of a film, but pretty good in its own right. 

1408: Watch this one with Identity (see above) and enjoy a night of John Cusack going crazy in hotel rooms. 

The Orphanage: One of my favorite horror films of all time, both deeply unsettling and agonizingly sad. 

Paranormal Activity: The highest-grossing film of all time thanks to its low budget. Also what we can blame for the burst of popularity in the “found footage” style. 

Dead Silence: A movie that still frequently gets recommended and delivers some solid spooks. I’m not as fond of it as a lot of people, but it deserves a mention for how often it gets referenced (and for playing “killer ventriloquist dummies” straight as a trope). 

Trick r Treat: A Halloween classic. 

Of course the year brought us another Saw and another Hostel, a contentious Halloween reboot, another stab at I Am Legend (often adapted, rarely well), and a smattering of other sequels. I have not seen The Girl Next Door but based on how rarely I hear it recommended compared to the book, I imagine I’m not missing much. Borderlands was OK but, for my money, forgettable. Oh, there was also Grindhouse, a double feature which I quite enjoyed (I saw it in theaters, where it came with a warning for length, which I found amusing) but which history does not seem to have remembered positively. 

2008: Did Somebody Order a Recession? 

Back to slim pickings, although I admittedly have not seen most of the films released that year (I was pretty damn broke in 2008, so maybe that’s why). Still: 

Let the Right One In: Skip the later English remake, you cowards, and watch this with subtitles. It’s so good. SO GOOD. An unexpected twist on the vampire story, and kind of a romance to boot. Sort of. In a really messed up way. 

Cloverfield: A couple things are neat about Cloverfield. One, it was an early adopter and trope-setter for found-footage movies. Two, it successfully spawned a franchise where none of the movies feel related at all. Three, it launched with some really cool viral marketing that was utterly ahead of its time. On the downside, the shaky cam may in fact make you vomit if you get seasick easily. 

Repo! The Genetic Opera: A classic. Also may in fact be the only film of its kind, or at least the only rock-opera scifi-horror that comes to mind. 

I haven’t seen Pontypool, though it’s on my watch-list -- I’ve heard it’s quite good. Ditto Tokyo Gore Police which delivers, to my understanding, exactly what it says on the tin. Speaking of movies I didn’t see, can we take a moment to appreciate that a film called “Sauna” with the tagline “cleanse your sins” came out this year? Jfk 2008, are you OK? 

2009: Why are all the best horrors comedies this year 

It really does become obvious just how much the genre was floundering to figure out what it was doing the latter half of the decade, because the movies are so weirdly hit-or-miss. I do have some favorite hidden gems, though, alongside a couple well-known recs: 

Zombieland: A genuinely funny feel-good zombie comedy-horror, feeding right into a growing cultural fascination with zombies. 

Jennifer’s Body: Is this a comedy? Is this a horror? What is this? I’m not sure how to classify it but I sure do like it. 

Antichrist: Ok I don’t know if this is a recommendation per se, but if I had to watch this with my own eyes, I’m making y’all watch it too. Have you ever wondered what it might look like to watch a filmmaker have a psychotic break while making a movie? That’s almost literally what this film is. 

The Human Centipede: This is a cop-out because I have not watched these movies and I in fact refuse to watch these movies because the premise is fucking stupid, but I will acknowledge the historical, ah, importance? of this film in the greater scheme of 21st century horror. 

Dread: One of my favorite movies, and the film I recommend to anyone who wants to watch a torture film done right. I love the shit out of this movie. Please go watch this movie. 

Grace: Deeply disturbing and pulling approximately zero punches. It’s one of the best films to tread the “horrors of motherhood” territory, which is saying something because that’s very fertile (ha, ha) ground. 

I actually have not seen Drag Me to Hell or The Last House on the Left, although people have recommended both to me. Anyone want to chime in with how good they might be? I also want to make a shout-out to Daybreakers, which I feel like nobody ever talks about but which actually has one of the most fascinating vampire concepts I’ve ever seen on film. The movie itself is kind of boring and forgettable, but the idea is really neat. 

And that wraps up my journey through the 2000s in horror. Next decade: The 90s, coming right up! 

[averagemarvelbitch]

Pride and Joy

Summary: AU where Tony Stark has a daughter, but then shit happens.

(Future Stony/ mentions of child abuse)

Chapter Four

March, 2005

Washington, DC, USA.

The table was covered in pictures. Men and women, of all ages and races, staring back at him with dead, unseeing eyes. Strangled, poisoned, shot, stabbed, drowned. A particular man, probably in his mid thirties, stood out. His skull had been crushed; brain, bone and blood covered the cold floor. Even after years on the job, Clint Barton still felt sick every time he had to look at scenes like that. He was no stranger to human cruelty. He had known, from a very early age, what people were capable of when given the right incentive. Still, seeing things like this, it always upset his stomach.

He took the file once again, re-reading the information SHIELD had managed to acquire on the infamous Black Widow. Truth be told, there wasn’t much. They knew she was a woman. They knew she’d been trained by the Red Room, some sort of academy for assassins and spies, as discovered by Director Peggy Carter years ago. And that was it. That was all the information they had. They didn’t know what she looked like. They couldn’t even confirm if all the kills credited to her had actually been her work. The Black Widow was a ghost and it was Clint’s mission to put an end to her.

He had forty-eight hours before the mission. SHIELD had planted the information that Andrei Mikhailovsky was in Germany and currently negotiating with an American agent, trading Russian secrets for asylum. The plan was to let the man wander through the city and go to a specific location while Clint kept an eye on him from afar. It was a risky plan, but it was their only chance to finally neutralize the Black Widow.

“Already familiar with all the details, I hope, Barton”, said a voice from the door. Clint didn’t turn nor did he acknowledge the new comer in any way, continuing to stare at the pictures on the table as if the other man wasn’t even there.

The man rolled his eyes and shook his head as he carefully approached the archer. As he got closer, Clint seemed to finally notice his presence, turning to look at him. The archer smiled and quickly turned on his hearing aids.

“Hey, Phil. Just getting acquainted with our little spider over here.”

“A very deadly little spider, try not to forget that part”, the older man answered, pressing his hands on the table and pushing his upper-body forward to take a better look at the pictures. He took one (the man with the broken skull) on his hands, examining it with a frown. “Very, very deadly spider”.

“I’ve face worse, you know that”.

“She’s killed half the agents we sent after her, Clint. And the other half just disappeared. Excuse me for worrying”, he said, throwing the picture back on the table.

“Hey”, Clint said softly, standing up and taking Coulson’s hand to his lips, kissing the back of it. “It’ll be fine. I’m pretty damn good at this job, boss”.

“This is highly unprofessional”, he answered, but did not move his hand.

“Oh boy, if you think this was unprofessional, you’re really not gonna like what I’m gonna do next”.

Clint did not give Coulson time to answer, pulling the older man to a deep kiss. He felt strong hands on his hips, pulling him even closer, as he circled Coulson’s neck with his own. God, he thought to himself, tongue caressing every inch of his partner’s mouth, I could kiss this man forever.

Too soon, they broke the kiss, foreheads touching as they tried to catch their breaths. They stayed like that for a moment, just breathing and admiring each other’s faces. Coulson touched Clin’ts red lips softly with his thumb, all his blood immediately going south when the younger man bit on it with a smirk. He took a step back, adjusting his suit and returning to his usual, very professional self.

“You have a plan to catch. Don’t die out there.”

“Oh, don’t worry, boss, I have plans this weekend that I really can’t miss”, Clint replied with a wink.

Coulson had his back turned to him as he left the room so Clint couldn’t see his face, but he’s willing to bet his bow and arrow that his partner was fighting a smile.

Clint couldn’t stop thinking about the Black Widow. He read and re-read the file a thousand times on his way to Germany. Peggy Carter’s neat handwriting was oddly soothing even though the words written brought Clint no peace of mind.

“According to the information acquired, the place is known as the Red Room, an academy for the training of assassins and spies in the Soviet Union. The place was discovered during a mission, in 1984, in which the Howling Commandos, SSR agent Jack Thompson and I infiltrated a facility believed to be a Leviathan base camp in Belarus.

Upon investigation, we discovered the facility had a structure similar to that of a school, with many rooms posing as classrooms, including a video room we believe was used to dispense subliminal messages through movies.

A young girl, around 10 years of age, was found in the facility. She stabbed Timothy “Dum Dum” Dugan, managed to steal his weapon and shot Jonathan “Junior” Juniper, who died instantly.

We believe the Red Room trained young girls to become elite assassins and undercover operatives through a process of indoctrination and desensitizing, teaching them hand-to-hand combat and other tactical skills. We also believe other facilities similar to the one found exist throughout the Soviet Union.”

It was hard to believe something like this existed. Where did they even get the “young girls”?, he thought as he looked out the window, staring at the clouds. The pictures kept showing again and again on his mind. The brutality, the complete lack of empathy, it astonished. The worst part was he didn’t even know why he was so shocked with what he had read and seen. He had faced worse people in his life, both as a SHIELD agent and as a dumb teenager, but this one woman, knowing what she had probably gone through and what she had done, it made him sick to his stomach.

Maybe Phil was right. Maybe he really was projecting his own emotions on this target. He had had a very complicated childhood, followed by a crappy adolescence. Clint had gone through things no child should have to go through, and he knew in his heart that, if Phil Coulson hadn’t given him a chance that day, he’d probably be the one being target by SHIELD today. He owned his life to Phil and SHIELD. They had given him a chance to be someone else, something more than just the dishonest, murdering piece of shit that others had made of him. What if someone gave this woman the chance I was given?, he couldn’t help but wonder, would she choose the right side if someone gave her the chance?

February, 1983

Waverly, Iowa.

Barney was late. Again.

He really has no self-preservation skills, Clint thought as he slowly dragged a huge bag of garbage outside. Barney was supposed to be helping Clint clean the shop, but, as usual, he’d left early in the morning and had yet to return. God, Clint could already hear his father’s booming voice inside his head. You were supposed to help your brother, Barney, he would scream, you need to pull your weight if you want to live under my roof, you useless fucking cunt. Then Barney would scream back, because of course he would, he did every single time, the utter moron, and their father would get angrier and angrier and just smack both of them a good few times before passing out drunk in the living room. Sometimes having a brother fucking sucks, he thought to himself, throwing the bag into the garbage bin, trying so very hard not to rip it because, really, the last thing he needed right now was to be covered in rotten meat and bones.

 He went back to the shop, wrinkling his noise at the stench of old, dead animal, running straight to the sink to try and wash it off.

“Hey, shrimp”, he heard from behind him, turning around to see Barney, who was entering the shop with a big smile on his face. Clint was immediately suspicious.

“Where the hell were you? I had to take all the trash out by myself, asshole”.

“Hey, chill. I was helping Mr. Connor out with some boxes”.

“You’re supposed to be helping ME”.

“Yeah, well, that fat ass Harold doesn’t pay me”, he replied with a smile, putting his hand inside his pocket and taking two little pieces of chocolate out, “but Mr. Connor does. Here, take them, I already ate two!”

Clint didn’t need to be told twice. He quickly patted his hands on his worn out, dirty pants, trying to get them dry as fast as possible, before lunging himself at Barney, taking both pieces of chocolate. He put one in his mouth and almost moaned.

“Oh, man, that’s one of the good ones”.

“Yeah, none of that shit that tastes like cardboard! He gave me the expensive ones!”

“Awesome!”, the younger brother replied, already chewing the other piece with a  satisfied sigh.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s pretty good, now get your ass upstairs, I’ll finish up here”.

“Okay. Only thing left is mopping the front”.

“Yeah, I’ll do it. Take a shower, you stink”.

Sometimes having a brother can be pretty cool.

March, 2005.

Nuremberg, Germany.

It was cold. Too fucking cold. God, how he hated snow. He was wearing the new suit SHIELD had given him. It was warmer than the last one because science. The girl ― was it Fitz? Or Simmons? He always got confused with those two ― had explained to him every single new feature of his suit and Clint pretended to listen with interest while debating inside his own head what would be the best way to ask the girl if he could take one of the donuts on the nearby table. Still, even with all the thingamabobs they had put in his suit, it was fucking cold. Too fucking cold.

He was at the top of a building, bow and arrow on his back, watching Andrei intently and trying to find anything suspicious or out of place. Missions like this during winter were the worse. Everybody wore big coats with scarves covering their faces. Stupid winter.

“Hey, Andrei, you doing good, man”, Clint said on his comms, “you’re almost at the creepy ass house, just a little longer”.

“Do you see her?”, the Russian asked in a whisper, sounding terrified.

“Not yet, but don’t worry, I got you covered”.

“Why do I have to carry briefcase? Waste of time, makes it hard to run”.

“Come on, man, you were a spy. You know this shit. She sees the briefcase, she’s gonna think you’ve got something important there. That way she’ll only try to kill you in a place where she has easy access to it”.

Andrei huffed. “If you think that would stop Black Widow, you are more fool than I thought”. Clint decided to ignore the reply completely and just kept following him.

He knew the ex-KGB was scared. Damn, if it was him at Andrei’s place, he’d be scared shitless too. The man was a sitting duck, a literal walking target, and he was being hunted by one of the best assassins in the business. He had a damn good reason to be terrified. Clint couldn’t blame him for that.

It was a hard mission. Clint knew that. Andrei knew that. So many things could go wrong. The cold and the snow were problematic, he had no idea what the Black Widow looked like or even if they had really sent her in the first place. He had no idea what to expect from this. It’s true that was Clint’s specialty, going into the unknown with nothing but his courage, bow and arrow and devilish good looks. But this, this was another level entirely. Protecting a mobile target from an unknown threat was always hard. Protecting a mobile target from someone who once killed a man in the middle of a party with 400 people without being detected was, well, let’s just say it again, Andrei had a very real reason to be terrified.

Soon enough, Andrei reached the final destination of his little tour. And that’s when Clint saw her. She wore a black overcoat and had a blue scarf wrapped tightly around her neck, her red hair falling down like a fire waterfall. He barely had time to draw an arrow before she took out running. She was fast, even with the snow. Suddenly, a knife was flying through the air, aimed straight at Andrei’s head. She was fast and skilled. Well, I’m fast and skilled too, lady.

The arrow hit the knife with incredible precision. Clint smiled, proud of his own work and looked at where the supposed Black Widow was. She looked up, most likely trying to find him.

“Andrei, you might wanna run, man”, Clint said over the comms. It was pointless, really, because Andrei was no fool. He had already taken off, running as fast as he could inside the house.

The Black Widow soon followed. Clint aimed an arrow at her leg. He missed. Goddamn it, he thought, already drawing another arrow and trying to hit his target through the windows. Missed again.

“God fucking damn it”, he exclaimed, taking a “rope arrow” and aiming just above the window on the second floor. Using his bow, he quickly descended through the rope, slamming his body at the widow, glass going everywhere. He heard a gunshot. Shit shit shit.

Ok, so Clint was man enough to admit, the woman was terrifying. She stared at him like she was ready to cut him mouth to anus, open him up like a Christmas ham and feast on his insides. So, yeah, terrifying.

They fought. She was good. She was better than good. The Black Widow fought like she had been born for it. She fought like someone who had been fighting since preschool and had no problem in using every means necessary to win a fight. Clint knew his orders. Coulson’s voice suddenly appeared in his head as she broke his nose.

No one is going to cry too much over Andrei. Your priority is to eliminate the target. If it comes between saving his life and eliminating the Black Widow, you eliminate the target. Do you understand, agent?

He reached behind his back, trying desperately not to choke on his own blood as she pressed his own bow harder at his throat. Finally, he managed to grab one of the sedative arrows. He quickly covered his mouth and nose as pink smoke came out of his quiver. The Black Widow let go. Clint fell to the ground, covering his face and trying not to breath. He heard the sound of a body hitting the wooden floor and turned back. The Black Widow was down.

The smoke dissipated. Clint turned around, still sitting on the floor, and looked at her. He had a gun. He could make it fast, easy. She was heavily sedated, she wouldn’t even feel it. It would be mercy, really.

There’s no point in interrogating her. She won’t talk. Torture doesn’t work and she has no weak spots. Eliminate her on sight.

But shit. She looked young. Barely an adult. God, she was probably the same age he was when he… Damn. I had a second chance. Doesn’t she deserve one too? He knew it was different, but… Was it really? Were she and him really that different? She’d had a shitty childhood, much shittier than Clint’s, that’s for sure. Harold had been an abusive dick, but he was no Red Room. They had taken everything from her. Just like they had taken everything from Clint. Maybe, maybe she was more like him than he thought. Maybe all she needed was a chance to be good.

He turned his head, looking straight at Andrei’s body, blood covering the floor. Shit, he thought, getting up and walking towards the woman, Coulson is going to make me sleep on the couch for a year.

September, 1985.

Waverly, Iowa.

It was a good night. And Clint was aware how rare good nights were in his house, so he was determined to enjoy it. His mother was making steaks. Steaks! He couldn’t remember the last time he ate steaks. He started salivating just thinking about it. His father only ever let them have the crappy meats, the ones no one would buy. But today he had been in a good mood. According to Barney, some fancy guy had bought a shitload of meat from the shop and Harold was smiling from ear to ear. And when Harold was happy ― which was VERY rare ― so was the rest of the family.

Clint was sitting at the table, drawing in a piece of paper. He sometimes raised his head and watched his mother for a few minutes, cooking and humming a song he didn’t recognize. She looked happy. She deserved to be happy. He smiled. Barney was cutting potatoes, sometimes glancing longingly at the steaks. The whole kitchen smelled great. It was a great night. So, of course, Harold had to ruin it.

He came into the kitchen so fast Clint didn’t even notice him before he grabbed his hair and pulled him from his chair. He cried out in pain, trying to escape his father’s death grip.

“WHERE IS THE MONEY, YOU FUCKING CUNT”, he screamed, eyes wide and face as red as a tomato. He stank of alcohol. This is not good, was all Clint could think of.

“Let him go, Harold!”

“HE STOLE THE MONEY, EDITH, HE CLEANED OUT THE REGISTER, I KNOW IT WAS YOU BOY, WHERE IS IT”.

“He didn’t steal nothing, you fucking drunk, put him down”, Barney exclaimed, and when the man didn’t listen, he took the knife he was using before and waved it around menacingly, “PUT HIM DOWN”.

That finally got his father’s attention. He let go of Clint like he was a dirty sack of potatoes and stepped closer to his older son.

“Oh, is that how it is. You’re a big man now, aren’t you, you useless piece of shit? I bet it was you, wasn’t it. You’ve always been a greedy little bastard”.

“No one took your money, Harold, for the love of God”, Edith begged, putting herself between her son and her husband, “please, stop this!”

But Harold was having none of it. He took his wife’s arm and twisted it, pulling her closer. “You want to protect these little fuckers? FINE”.

He started dragging her out of the kitchen. “Stay with your brother”, Edith said when Barney tried to go after her, “stay with him, okay, dear?”

She was obviously trying not to cry, but both children could see the solitary tear streaming down her face. Harold slammed the kitchen door closed. Barney went straight for Clint, hugging his younger brother. “It’s gonna be okay”, he whispered as the boy covered his ears with both hands and cried, “it’s gonna be alright”.

This could have been a good night.

March, 2005.

Nuremberg, Germany.

She was still out, which was good, because Clint had no clue what he was going to say to her. Shooting people with a bow and arrow? Easy. Infiltrating the heavily guarded mansion of the boss of one of the most dangerous cartels in the world? Ugh, at least give him a challenge. Now, social interactions of any kind? Yeah, that was a big no-no.

So here he was, sitting on the floor, eating some cup noodles while he stared at the red headed woman in front of him, thinking what the hell he was going to say to her and how the hell he was going to convince her to join SHIELD. They were inside an old police station used by the agency as a safe house. There was no one there but Clint and the Black Widow. He had bound both her arms and legs and put her in one of the cells, locking the door and hiding the key. Not that any of this would actually stop her, he thought, wincing as he touched his broken nose. But it was the best he could do right now and that would just have to do.

He had called Coulson. Informed him that Andrei was dead, that they needed a cleanup crew to take care of the scene and that he had taken a very much alive Black Widow to a SHIELD safe house, surprise! Needless to say, his partner was not happy. He maintained a professional stance, like he always did, the perfect bastard, but Clint knew his Phil enough to notice the strain in his voice, the worry in his words. There were so many ways this could go wrong. So many. She could manage to run away and inform her employers that SHIELD was on to them. She could kill Clint in the process, leaving Phil to bury a disfigured body (if there even was a body in the end). She could accept Clint’s offer, betray him, steal a shitload of SHIELD’s secrets and return to Russia a hero. So many damn things could go wrong. But Clint knew that, if he didn’t do this, if he didn’t try, he would regret it for the rest of his life.

Phil had been very honest with him. You’re projecting, agent Barton, he had said over the phone, she’s not you. She’s nothing like you. She doesn’t have what you have. And Clint knew what he meant. She didn’t have a Barney. She didn’t have a burning regret that destroyed her very being and reminded her everyday of how easy it was to succumb to a life of hatred and revenge. But maybe she had something else. Something that would make leaving this life of torture and complete lack of autonomy an easy choice, a smart choice. He could only hope that was the case. He was too young and handsome to die a horrible death on the hands of the world’s best assassin.

The woman stirred slightly. She moaned in a soft tone, moving her head slowly to the side, her eyes blinking as she woke up. The sedative was a strong one. She wouldn’t be able to actually move her body for at least three more hours, so that gave Clint plenty of time to talk to her. I hope. He continued to eat his noodles and stare at her. She stared right back at him, her face giving away nothing. She can put Coulson’s Neutral Face of Displeasure right out of business.

“Hi. I’m Clint”.

Oh for the love of fuck, did I just say “Hi, I’m Clint” to the world’s greatest assassin? What the ever loving fuck is wrong with me?

She said nothing, just kept on staring at him with dead eyes.

“So… I’d offer you some noodles, but I’m pretty sure you’d just get sick and throw up all over the floor, which would be gross. And, I’m gonna be very honest here with you, I’m also scared that if I get any closer you’re gonna bite my ear off and use it as a weapon”.

Still, she said nothing, but he could see the ghost of a smile on her lips.

“So, yeah. To summon up, I’m Clint. I work for SHIELD and they sent me here to kill you. So… Yeah, nice to meet you”.

“Why didn’t you?”

“I’m sorry?”

She cocked her head slightly to the side, assessing him. “Why didn’t you kill me?”

“Oh, right. Yeah, no, I made a different call. I thought we could, you know, chat a bit, talk about the weather, our favorite TV shows, that sort of thing. You watch Friends?”

“You want information, then. You’re wasting your time”.

“No, no”, he replied, stuffing his mouth with more noodle, which made a bit hard to properly talk, “I mean, I’m not a complete sucker, you feel like giving me some information, I’m not gonna say no. But no, that’s not the reason you’re still alive. I mean, I read your file. SHIELD knows there is nothing we could do to you to make you talk, so yeah, that would’ve been a complete waste of time”.

“You talk too much”. Her voice was still a bit sluggish, but Clint could still hear the heavy Russian accent.

 “So I’ve been told. So… Uh, are you by any chance looking for a new job? ‘Cause we could definitely use you at SHIELD. Plus we’ve got medical, dental, and the pay isn’t bad either”.

“You... Are you trying to hire me?”

“Yeah. Wasn’t it obvious?”

She raised an eyebrow, looking a bit confused. “I’d say this is the most bizarre job interview I’ve ever had, but then I’d be lying”.

“Good, Honesty is good. Honesty is the main foundation of any relationship. So, you’re interested?”

“If I say yes, will you let me go?” When Clint hesitated to answer, she smiled, “That’s what I thought”.

“Hey, come on, we just met. We need time to bond, to trust each other”.

“My employers trust me. You and your SHIELD could never. I’d be watched all the time, every step, every move. It doesn’t sound like a very fun work environment”.

“Do they? Your employers”, he clarified when she cocked her head in question, “Do they trust you? Or do they think you’re a pretty robot who can’t think for herself and just does as she’s told without ever questioning orders?”

She smiled. “So you think I’m pretty”.

“I’ve met someone else from the Red Room. Her name was Dorothy Underwood. SHIELD has some footage of her questioning. I noticed a few things, you know. Like the fact that she didn’t develop a personality, probably because the Red Room keeps their assets a blank slate to make it easier to control them and to mold them into whatever character they need to become to achieve their goals. Three people interrogated her. She mimicked them, like a mirror, the way they talked, the way they moved. Then, another person would come in, and she would change completely. You’re not like that, though. I can see it. Which means that you’re not a mindless puppet. Am I wrong?”

The Black Widow did not move. She did not take her eyes from him. Her face was as blank as it was when she first woke up. She said nothing.

“I don’t think I’m wrong. In fact, I’ll go as far as to say that maybe you’ve thought about leaving. You’ve thought about what it would be like to make your own decisions, to be your own person. To be more than just the Black Widow, to be… What’s your name again?”

“Natalia”, she replied in a whisper, “Natalia Romanova”.

Clint wasn’t expecting that. Maybe she was lying, just saying whatever name popped in her head, but… She looked sincere. She was looking down, pensive. Like she herself couldn’t believe she had just said that. If it was true, if that was really her real name, then maybe this would work. Maybe Clint was getting somewhere with all his crazy talk.

“Is that your real name? Or is that the name they gave you?”

“My real one. My parents gave me this name”.

“What happened to them?”

“Too poor. Hungry. Cold. They were offered money. They needed money. They could always make another child”.

The words. They sounded rehearsed, like the woman had been made to repeat them again and again and again until she knew them but heart. Until they became her truth.

“Is that what they told you?” Clint asked. She did not look at him, nor did she answer. “Where are your parents now?”

“I don’t know”.

“Wouldn’t you like to know them? Wouldn’t you like to know if that’s the truth?”

“What does it matter?” She answered, looking up at him. Her eyes hid some much pain Clint could almost feel it. “The past cannot be changed. The truth will change nothing”.

“You’re right. You can’t change your past. But you can change your future.”

“What future is there for me? You say you read my file. You know what I have done. What future is there for someone like me?”

“If I can have a future, so can you”.

This time, she laughed a humorless laugh. “I have stolen, and killed, and tortured in the name of my country”.

“I know. I’ve done that for SHIELD too. And…” He stopped, looking down at his now cold noodles with a sad smile. “I’ve done that before SHIELD too”.

The Black Widow was silent. Then, “Tell me your story”, she whispered.

Clint looked at her, surprised. “Okay. My father was an abusive drunk. He would hit us and shout at us. My mother took the heat when she could. They died when my brother and I were young. Car accident. He was drunk.”

Natalia nodded. “And then?”

“Foster homes. Hundreds of them. Well, not really, I’m clearly exaggerating, but yeah, a lot. Last one was the Millers. Nice couple, took Barney and me to the Circus one time. Three days later, Mr. Miller punched my brother so hard he had a concussion. We got the hell out of there after that. One abusive asshole had been enough to last a lifetime, thank you very much”.

“Where did you go?”

“The Circus. We hid on the back of one of their trucks. Trick-Shot, one of the carnies, found us. Gave us a lecture about hitching a ride without asking permission and told us he would call social services to take us home. We told him what had happened. He said ”fuck the system” and let us stay. Barney and I, we worked hard. I learned this…”, he said, patting the bow and arrow beside him on the ground, “… And I was good. Well, you saw it”.

“I did. It was quite impressive. For a man in a purple unitart”, she replied, with mirth.

“Yeah, well, I was the best. And I liked it there. But Barney wanted to leave. He wanted to join the army, so he got out. And I stayed. And I trusted the wrong people. His name was Jacques, the Swordsman. I caught him stealing money from the Circus. He beat me up to a bloody pulp, worse than even Harold ― my asshole of a father”, he explained when the red head shot him a confused look, “worse than he had ever done. He would’ve killed me if Trick-Shot hadn’t found us. He drove the asshole away and helped me get better. Then he told me about this business of his, easy money, easy job. We stole from some people, killed some other on the way. I figured, he saved me, you know. Least I can do is help him out. So I did. Then, one day he told me he had a big job, a game changer”.

“What was the mission?”

“Steal from Marko, the guy who loaned money to Jacques.”

He has a lot of security, so we need a sniper. You kill all the guards with that bow and arrow of yours while I get inside and take the money.

“What happened?”, Natalia asked in a whisper.

Clint huffed, shaking his head. “Turns out, my brother had done real great in the army. He became a CIA agent. His first job was to cover Marko’s ass. Protect him at all costs. I didn’t know it was him. Put an arrow through his heart”. Clint? Is that you? “He recognized me. He was coughing blood, could barely talk. Trick-Shot knew the whole time. He didn’t tell me”. No, no, please, Barney, no! “He died in my arms. I got pissed. Tried to kill Trick-Shot, but he was better than me. He took one of my own arrows, impaled me to a tree with it and left. Told me he would come back to kill me properly some day. SHIELD showed up”.

“And offered you a job?”

“Hell no!”, he laughed, “Arrested me. I told them all I knew, didn’t care either way. Than Co… This agent showed up. He tried to convince me that I was worth a damn, that I could do some good. It took him months to actually get through my thick skull, but hey, I had just killed my brother and been betrayed, again, by someone I considered family. It was hard to trust anybody else at that moment, especially a guy in a fancy suit”.

“How did he convince you?”

“He offered me something I desperately wanted but didn’t think I could have”.

“What was that?”

“A good life”.

Natalia was silent. She looked away from Clint, a thoughtful expression on her face. Clint waited.

“I will do it. I will be loyal to your SHIELD. I will do everything they tell me to do. But there is one condition”.

“Name it. I’ll see what I can do”.

“There is a girl. In the Red Room. I trained her. I want her”.

“To be an agent?”

“To be a person”, Natalia replied immediately, looking at Clint with determination, “she never submitted to the handlers, not the way others have. She follows the rules, she pretends to be compliant, but I know her. She will slip, make a mistake soon, and she’ll be killed for her actions. I can’t let that happen”.

“Ok. That sounds reasonable. I’ll talk to SHIELD, we’ll track her down. We won’t stop until we find her”.

“Then I’m yours”.

And in that moment, looking into Natalia’s eyes, he finally realized. As it turned out, they did have something in common. They both had someone they wanted to protect, someone they failed, someone they desperately needed to have safe and sound even if it cost them everything. In Clint’s case, it was already too late. Barney was dead, he was never coming back. But Natalia still had a chance. Natalia could still safe her Barney.

“What’s the girl’s name?”

“Anastasia”, she replied with longing in her voice, “her name is Anastasia”.

[nomorebluehearts]

List-O-Muses

So, I have a lot, a few I cannot remember, a few I’ve never put on Tumblr... So I shall put up a list of them all... by category! Only certain muses will get an explanation and not all have blogs, the ones I remember that do will have them!

Also some blogs might have autoplay, I will label the ones I remember. Some of these blogs have not been touched in years, I apologize

Muse I’ve Had since Before Tumblr

Lexara (OC)- Originally a special agent of some kind, I made her around about 2005, when I first started to read Manga and started drawing characters. She had short hair- Like me at the time, and she was tough and rugged... because my protected catholic ass hadn’t learned the word ass or any swear word ever.

Muses I’ve had on Tumblr

Category 1- KH and FF

Leon/Squall (Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy VIII)- This blog still exists for the nostalgia. I don’t rp on it, but this was my gateway to RP in 2011 on this sight. I made it to be on an AU KH RP community, but it never happened, but I found some of my oldest and closest friends there, so yaaaay!! URL- http://transient-awoken.tumblr.com/ AUTOPLAY WARNING

Zidane Tribal (Final Fantasy IX)

Data Sora (Kingdom Hearts Re:Coded)

Reeve/Cait Sith (Final Fantasy VII and Dirge of Cerberus)

Vincent Valentine (Final Fantasy VII and Dirge of Cerberus)

Zack Fair (Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep, Final Fantasy Crisis Core)- Url- https://gongagan-soldier.tumblr.com/

Axel/Lea (Kingdom Hearts)- URL- http://flamesxofxeternity.tumblr.com/

Vanitas- URL- https://menfilik.tumblr.com/

Category 2- TOME Canon Characters (because I have OCs too)

Nylocke- WAAAAAAY Back in 2011, I made him a blog, no one else was around, I cried, i deleted, but back them was when I started thinking of Omega... so that’s a plus

Zetto/Kirbopher- My second attempt at a TOME blog that I loved! the icon is from Muffin, I remember seeing the older one going omg it’s perfect, then I got to know her and she is very nice from what I remember (it’s been a while) URL- http://thexcyborgximp.tumblr.com/

Alpha/Kajet- URL- http://godsheritage.tumblr.com/ idk if it is auto play, but there is the possibility of music so AUTOPLAY WARNING

Sofdti/GC- http://lifelinkoftome.tumblr.com/

Category 3- TOME OCs (I’m putting them all here, even though some might fit in other categories)

Omega- He is one of my all time favorite muses I’ve ever made, I love using him, and I even named my car after him, same orange he has on his outfit. URL-http://remorseformistakes.tumblr.com/

King- Based off of an AU with a character named Lady Tigerlilly where the Virus takes over Zetto’s life. URL- http://incurableshadows.tumblr.com/

Squire- Same AU as above, but the other half of King’s code. Same URL.

Velvet- The Prototype to the Antivirus and ‘Older Sister’ of Cake’s oc Amber. I have done a lot more with her in private RP, so she’s grown more than the blog shows. URL- http://purpuravitae.tumblr.com/

Mocha Latte- The Barista of the Netkings named Jane Doe.

Category 4- Canon Misc (the muses on Tumblr that I used that aren’t big enough to class on their own like 1-3 were)

Yang (RWBY)- URL- http://blazing-beauty.tumblr.com/ AUTOPLAY WARNING

Sombra (Overwatch)- URL- https://boop-the-planet.tumblr.com/ Possible AUTOPLAY WARNING

Ryuko Matoi (Kill La Kill)- URL- http://alliancexofxlifexfibers.tumblr.com/ AUTOPLAY WARNING

Yami Yugi/Atem (YGO from Season 0 to 5 and the movies)- URL- https://forgotten-monarch.tumblr.com/

Raiden (Metal Gear Solid 2, 4, and Revengeance)

Pikachu (Pokemon)

N (Pokemon)

Male Pokemon Trainer (Pokemon Black and White)

Endrance (.hack series)

Haseo (.hack series)

Jade Curtiss (Tales of the Abyss)

Amaterasu (Okami Series)- I think I managed to get the blog url ‘Mother of All’, but that was ages ago

Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Series)

Levi Ackerman (Attack on Titan)

Nagito Komaeda (Danganronpa)

Rin Matsuoka (FREE!)

Link (Legend of Zelda)- I remember deciding to RP him as a mute, so I got really good at describing actions with him

Dark Link (Legend of Zelda)

Hsien-Ko (Darkstalkers)

B.B. Hood (Darkstalkers)

Sesshomaru (Inuyasha)

Category 5- OC Misc (same as above, but OCs)

Xurik (Kingdom Hearts)- Based off of a story I wrote for FANFICTION.NET (so ages ago) And never put up... I also have to heavily edit it, my vocabulary had found out about words such as ‘damn’, ‘shit’, and ‘fuck’ and I thought it was cool to use it a lot. I’ll take a pic of that notebook one day. it is a MESS. URL- http://ashenxheart.tumblr.com/

Kirara (Naruto)- A ninja with a demon that had an amazing voice, used songs to buff and debuff her allies and enemies.

Ezekiel (Final Fantasy IX)- the soul that became Zidane, he is the part of Zidane that craves the blood of Gaia’s Citizens. Can use a scythe made from blood and has Blood Wings......... I was just out of high school and very depressed XD

Riboruba (Final Fantasy VIII and Kingdom Hearts)- She is the personification of Squall’s/Leon’s Gunblade! Fun Fact: Riboruba is the Japanese pronunciation of Revolver, to which that is the style of Gunblade Squall has.

Category 6- Main Characters that are heavily AU-d

AU Abridged Yami Bakura (YGOTAS and Kingdom Hearts)- Yes... a parody character, which is it’s on AU in a way, in an AU where he is a keyblade wielder................................ tada! I made this with my good friend millennium-hearts at a con, and because of this blog we are practically family. URL- http://thiefxkeybladerxbakura.tumblr.com/ Possible AUTOPLAY WARNING

AU Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy VII)- He is basically Sephiroth, but winning, the world is pretty much dying/almost dead, so like.... Worst Case Scenario/Apocalypse AU

AU Nylocke (TOME) I’m putting this here because this is the Nylocke that is apart of the Omega Timeline. Where Nylocke had a twin brother (Nye is Colin-based on tta Nai’s name, and Martin- because Martin Billaney), who died. He is also the world’s best hacker, even better than the main villain of the blog, which was revealed once, but never by name. URL with Omega.

Hao Asakura- This was semi-based on the manga and the anime mixing. the story the blog was based off of is actually still on Fanfiction.Net i named Angel of the Devil (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6203556/1/Angel-of-the-Devil) Feel free to read it! There are 9 chapters!

Glitchy Red (Pokemon Creepy Pasta)- He was based off of many different piecemeal creepy pastas (Lost Silver, Pokemon Black, Strangled Red, Glitchy Red, small stories about the candle instead of flash, but used in a house it would burn it down, and the rope inside would make you hang yourself). This blog got me into KORN.

Category 7- Muses on Blogs that belong there, but are not the main reason people went to said blog

Xirra (TTA)- She is a re-purposed character with a whole new look to fit into TOME, and I used her on Remorse for Mistakes

Darkeyes (TTA)- Much Like Xirra, but never got onto the blog much.

Demon Eyes Kyo (Demon Eyes Kyo)- I read this manga in the 6th grade... it is fucking bloody and gory, so don’t look it up if you are weak stomached. I used him as the Guardian Spirit of Hao on his blog instead of the Fire Spirit.

Beelzemon (Digimon)- I had him on a blog I have yet to mention, but you’ll see why I haven’t yet, that blog is in a category all of its own~

Keldeo (Pokemon) He made a brief appearance on Kirb/Zetto blog... Chris named him Vic........ because voiced by Vic......

Muses I’d love to make, but I finally have self control so I won’t make them

Infinite (Sonic Forces)- Because he is my super floof boy and I must PROTECC

Qrow Branwen (RWBY)- I must protecc the birb boi too

THE LUKA-POCALYPSE I have had a lot of Luka’s in my time RPing, and I loved the name so much, I use it as my online pseudonym now... now you will learn where I get it from!

Luka Crosszeria (Uraboku)- This was the man I fell for, he is extremely loyal and protective of the one he loves through every reincarnation they have, and will do anything, even betray his own kind for love. So in a way, I can relate. I want to do the same with my friends and family and girlfriend. This is the blog Beelzemon is on.  URL- http://crosszeriaxbetrayer-blog.tumblr.com/ AUTOPLAY WARNING

Luka Crosszeria (Final Fantasy XIV)- She is my character from my favorite and most played MMO. And while she no longer has a blog, she does have an instagram! URL- https://www.instagram.com/luka_of_eorzea/

Luka Cross (OC- No other affiliation)- She is a girl with the power to summon elementals. From fire and ice spirits, to even the goddess of the moon. Her goal is to gain the power of Elder Summoning. Aldo Omega is in this AU as the guardian of the Library of Summoners, and he is an Elder Summon.

Luka (TOME)- She is the little sister of Xirra. A different kind of virus, hers is a contact epidemic virus that spreads through touch. She has her hands covered at all times, and is very shy, but is almost second to none in hand to hand combat, being at least 30 time stronger than her just 4 foot stature would lead you to believe. she is also a lolita that wears extremely tall boots, and yet she is still very short... like just under 5 foot short. She also dates a giant dragon... and she sounds like Hinata from Naruto... she is an actual baby that is months old

[therealkn]

David’s Resolution - Day 9

Day 9 (January 9, 2019)

Dark City (1998)

“Hey, you happen to know the way to Shell Beach?”

A man wakes up in a bathtub in a dingy apartment. He has no memory of who he is, where is he, or how he got there. Soon after he wakes up, the phone rings and he picks up, receiving a message telling him to flee before a group of people start coming after him. The man, as he leaves, learns that he is apparently “John Murdoch”, and he may or may not be a serial killer targeting prostitutes. And in his search for answers, he’ll come across a variety of interesting characters - a woman who says she’s his wife, a detective who think he’s the killer, a doctor who may or may not be trustworthy - while also questioning the reality he lives in and what the truth is.

Yep. Another movie I don’t want to go into details on regarding the plot because of spoilers. And trust me, you don’t want to spoil this movie for yourself. Go in as blind as you can. ...With that said, time to gush about this movie because this is a big favorite movie. Easily a top 10 favorite.

You know what, let’s get this out of the way. Yes, Dark City has quite a few similarities to The Matrix, even though The Matrix came out a year later. Similar themes of identity, distorting reality and such are in both films, plus lots of people in leather. although how they present themselves are very different. While the Wachowskis explored philosophical and religious themes in their cyberpunk action movie, writer/director Alex Proyas was more into telling an interesting and compelling mystery within a unique world influenced by film noir and German expressionism. Don’t get me wrong, both films are great, but if you feel The Matrix is too pretentious for you, then you may like Dark City more.

You know what both films do have that can’t be disputed? Rad-as-fuck visual design. The titular city is very dark and almost a character in itself, creating a sense of isolation, paranoia and confusion that good expressionism always invokes. It feels familiar and at the same time alien, even more when you The design feels reminiscent of Batman: The Animated Series in that it goes for a “timeless” setting that mixes modern and old settings and ideas. Actually, in a way, it does kind of feel like a comic book, as the city owes not only to classic film like Fritz Lang’s M, but also to the depiction of Gotham City in Tim Burton’s Batman, and the way the story unfolds and how scenes are framed and shot looks like comic book panels come to life. The world of this movie and the ideas present in it are absolutely fascinating, such as the concept of how memories work in this city and how tuning works and the nature of the overseers of this world.

The cast of the movie is great. On the human side, Rufus Sewell is excellent as John Murdoch, the man desperate to understand who he really is and what the hell is going on. Kiefer Sutherland’s Dr. Schreber is a hobbling, Peter Lorre-esque character whose motives are cloudy and whose allegiance is questionable... is he on the level, or is there something more sinister about him? You’ll have to watch to find out. Jennifer Connelly’s performance as John’s wife and a singer is intriguing, though it’s irritating that the theatrical cut overdubbed her singing voice. (The director’s cut rectifies this by giving us her original voice, which is pretty good.) And William Hurt’s Frank Bumstead, the police inspector investigating the murders and by extension John, comes off like a world-weary veteran similar to Morgan Freeman in Seven, who himself slowly realizes that the ramblings that both John and a former detective are saying may have some merit...

Then you get to the “Strangers”, the mysterious trenchcoated people in white who seemingly run the city, literally reshaping it however they seem fit. They act like a race based around Riff Raff from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, which is fitting since not only did Alex Proyas base the Strangers on Riff Raff, but Riff Raff himself - Richard O’Brien - plays the lead Stranger character, Mr. Hand, a sinister figure tasked with hunting down John however he can. Also, all of the Strangers going by “Mr. (whatever)”, combined with the way they speak, reminded me of the henchmen from Diamonds Are Forever (or, alternately, think those two lifeguards from Codename: Kids Next Door.)

Also, Bruce Spence is in it, who to me is in the category of “hey, it’s that guy!” actors. He’s been in plenty of films: he’s the Gyro Captain in Mad Max 2 (a.k.a. The Road Warrior to us Americans), a similar character in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, the Trainman in The Matrix Revolutions, one of the sharks in Finding Nemo, an alien in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith who helped Obi-Wan on Utapau, and the Mouth of Sauron in the extended edition of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. He’s a cool guy and I like seeing him in things, and I just wanted to point it out. He’s Mr. Wall in this film, by the way, the tall Stranger who ended up- wait, what was I on about again?

Oh yeah, Strangers. The Strangers are sinister motherfuckers who run the city, using a psychic power called “tuning” to play The Sims: The Real Game, literally reshaping the city and giving people different identities and memories as they see fit. Why? They have their reasons. And their leader, known as Mr. Book (Ian Richardson), organizes a mass tuning every 12 hours where they put all the humans to sleep so they can screw with the city however they will before waking everyone up. The full extent of how this goes is disturbing and creepy, and you will see for yourself how creepy it is. But in a way, it reminds me of one of my favorite anime, The Big O, in that both stories took place in cities seemingly isolated from the world, use heavy noir elements, feature a mixture of old and new in their designs, and which explore memories and loss of memory as central themes.

Actually, a thought I had on the movie was that one could read it as some metaphor or symbolism or whatever about making movies and having people play different roles in stories and etc., but #1, that could be me reading too deep into something and #2, I can’t go into further detail without spoilers.

I’ll mention that this movie had an interesting release. It barely broke even in the box office, and some critics liked it while others had more lukewarm reactions. But there was one person in particular who absolutely loved the movie, and it was none other than Roger Ebert. “Love” is a strong word, and it applies to his glowing review of the film, but it goes further than that: he called it the best film of 1998, he put it on his list of “Great Movies” in 2005, he would use the film in his teaching about movies, and he contributed audio commentary for both versions of the film on its DVD release. This doesn’t really have anything to do with the review, but I find it interesting to mention. And it’s why I mentioned Roger Ebert in the “Next time” message for this review that makes sense only to the guy who writes this. (Boy, two bits of rambling...)

This movie does have a director’s cut, and while the theatrical cut is still a great film, the director’s cut is even better. What’s most interesting is that it not only changes scenes from the theatrical cut and adds some more scenes to make the film feel even more fleshed out, it also makes minor changes that apply to the entire film. The theatrical cut has largely blue and grey coloring that gives the film a colder and more detached feeling, while the director’s cut uses more yellows and greens, which I feel gives it a more disorienting and sickening feeling, like there’s something just underneath that doesn’t sit well and could represent how John sees the world. The effects used for John’s tuning are also tweaked: the theatrical cut’s effects looked a lot like when Mr. Freeze fired his freeze gun in Batman & Robin, while the director’s cut uses more subtle effects. Point goes to the director’s cut there. But really, you should watch both versions. I watched the theatrical cut first, even with that opening monologue (which I feel isn’t really a big spoiler since you learn what it mentions pretty early in the movie, plus, does it really spoil anything that major?) and it’s still good.

You know how people say they instantly love a movie the first time they see it? That’s this movie for me. I highly recommend it. If you like The Big O, film noir, expressionism, mystery thrillers, or just want something like The Matrix without perceived intellectual posturing, then here you go. Everyone go see this movie, it’s great.

Next time: Four people, one camera, and a lot of neuroses.