#that song has been stuck in my head for years but i dont remember ALL of the words and that torments me

[calamitycodified]

older yogscast fans. does anyone have a link to the "lalna lalna nuke" video

[the-sun-is-also-a-star]

"For someone who loved words as much as I did, it was amazing how often they failed me."

-- If We Were Villains by M. L. Rio

“Because freedom, I am told, is nothing but the distance between the hunter and its prey.”

-- On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong

and as for poetry, i like to talk about "Written in my Dreams by W. C. Williams" by Allen Ginsberg with other people because it's short and rolls over the tongue nicely and i like to come back to it, puts a smile on my face, you know?

i'll also never forget "A Carcass" by Charles Baudelaire from when we read it at school years ago and then again in high school and i have now chosen Les Fleurs du mal as one of the books for my oral school leaving exam, so it's definitely one of those authors i read once and was never able to get out of my head

and last but not least, Louise Glück (may she rest in peace) and her "Theory of Memory" which includes the ending "Right now you are a child holding hands with a fortune-teller. All the rest is hypothesis and dream." and i simply don't have a choice but to love this one

i have so many more favourites, but these are the ones i can think of right now hehe <33

what r ur favourite poems and quotes??

those are brilliant actually

mine are quite, different to what one may think but i like finding meaning in things that other people think are only surface level :

思い出なんか いらん - we don't need memories

this is from the anime haikyuu LMAO which is a fucking volleyball anime and it is the team motto of one of the teams. It is quite honestly my life motto at this point. I used to live in the past, excused people for thing they do now because they were different in the past. they were different in my memories. I was so focused on the past i forgot to enjoy my present. I am done doing that. My memories hold me back. I am tired of it.

"to love and lose and still be kind" - warsan shire

this is pretty self explanatory. i dont think I've had a hard life. but i certainly haven't had an easy one. i have a habit of giving too much of myself to people. I'm working on rectifying that whilst still being kind.

"but i cut people out like tags on my clothing" - conan gray

I LOVE people watching its one of my favourite songs. but this line is really important to me. I've cut the tags off of my clothing for as long as I can remember. ever since i was a kid. I also have a habit of cutting out people the second they break my trust. as easy as cutting off tags from my clothing. I don't think its a good habit or a bad habit. it just. is.

"It's always the ones who are quietest who often have the greatest things to say" - TJ Klune, Wolfsong

This is from one of my favourite books of all time. I was a quiet child for a while. I never got excited for anything and after a while my parents suspected I had childhood depression, we still don't know for sure if I did. It makes a lot of sense though. It took me a while to become confident in my own voice and my own opinions. this quote is really important to me.

"Men don't cry. My daddy taught me that. Men don't cry because they don't have time to cry.

I must not have been a man yet because I cried. I bowed my head and cried." - TJ Klune, Wolfsong

This isn't personal to me in anyway, I just really, really love this part of the book and these two lines in particular.

"I'll be your hands." "I'll be your sanity." - TJ Klune, Ravensong

love has always been something I've read about. but this quote takes the damn cake.

as for poems,

At a Funeral by Dennis Brutus

I analyzed this poem for an English Lit class and the story behind why it was written really stuck with me. It was written after the death of Valencia Majombozi who was shot on the day of her graduation from nursing school. Its a protest poem and it just hits really fucking hard.

Death of a Naturalist by Seamus Heaney

This was the first poem that i ever took inspiration from. I had of course written before, but I really enjoyed Heaney's writing style so it strongly influenced my poem Quietude, which I am planning to submit to the empty inkwell publication...hopefully lol

Identity Card by Mahmoud Darwish

This poem is written as a form of protest poetry as well. Mahmoud Darwish was a Palestinian poet, for those of you who do not know and he wrote this poem about being asked for his identity card by Israeli Officers. Its really, really good.

[trickerys-domain]

Y'all ready for my hilariously candid unpopular UMK ranking!

Obligatory preferace that I'm just an opinionated bitch. This selection is overall really strong and I'm very much excited for the live show. I think a lot of these songs will make or break during the live. I also think there is an odd disparity in the obvious budget and set quiality for the 7 music videos. Almost like they had a different line-up and some songs were last minute replacements.

I also did not factor in whether a song would do well in eurovision at all because frankly rn I do not care.

This ranking will also probably change so like who cares, I'm ready to enjoy a great liveshow full of people who give a shit about their art.

Ok, here we go!

7. Vox Populi - Mikael Gabriel

The general sound of this one is fun and easy. Good filler or backgroud music. Like if it came on in shuffle I probably wouldn't skip it. However, the lyrics are like really bad. Especially in context of the seeming general opinion of this man I am seeing. Also, this man is strategically pandering and a. Its not working, b. No on seems to have noticed. The use of Matti and that obviously käärijä influenced face in the music video smacked me on first watch. He is capitalizing and I'm very curious to see what he does with the live. Not excited, just curious.

6. Dancing with Demons - Cyan Kicks

I liked Hurricane better. There its been said. I do enjoy listening to this but I forget about it a lot. It also took me until basically now to kinda remember what it sounds like. Meanwhile I can still think of the Hurricane chorus 2 years later having not listened to it since UMK 2022. I do think Cyan Kicks has a really good fun sound, I just don't vibe with this song all that much.

Also, this bears no weight on my opinion of either song. But I need to call out the hypocrisy I've been seeing online. I've seen so many people comment that they don't like the amount of autotune Sexmane uses in Mania and then go on to say how much Dancing with Demons showcases Susanna's voice. Like...... there is so much autotune on Dancing with Demons. It will not sound like that live. And that's fine, its clearly an artistic choice that fits with their musical style, like Sexmane. But pls just sit with that for a bit before complaining about the, frankly much less, autotune in a rap song. Tangent rant over.

5. Kuori Moi - Sini Sabotage

This is where my ranking will probably swap a lot. This song is really catchy and I ingeneral like this type of music. I call it chill sex. This is also a very fun unserious song and video played straight, and I appreciate that. I am worried about something with vocals this chill live. They're good vocals, but very intentionally monotone and if the staging isn't engaging it might fall flat. This song is mostly at 5th place because I dont have anything bad to say about it, but it doesn't stand out quite as much as some of the others. I adored her interview tho.

4. Paskana - Sara Siipola

This is a great power ballad while still being upbeat. It doesn't drag. The vocals are great. The music video is great even while being very simple. The lyrics and message are really really good too. This song gets stuck in my head a lot and I think it is, on a technical level, the stongest song this year. I really hope the staging supports the song but with how raw and peeled back the vibe of the song is it will be difficult to make staging that is engaging without being distracting.

3. No Rules! - Windows95Man

Pure unashamed 90s nostalgia schlock. This is very much the type of trashy eurodance I enjoy, so home run for me. I think the staging will be very fun, but maybe too much. Or it will be organized chaos like Portion Boys last year. Speaking of, this is definitely this years silly fan fave that will be well received but probably not win, a la Portion Boys and Teflon Brothers. For being trashy eurodance, I do think it is construced very well. It flows and it actually written well, its bad on purpose and it is successful. Is it the most original or masterful, no. It is very enjoyable and fun and low pressure, yes.

2. MANIA - Sexmane

This one gets stuck in my head the most. Good beat, good flow. I really like the sound of the chorus, including the auto tune. The lyrics hold more than I think comes across initially and you can tell Sexmane really connects with this song the way his voice delivers even in the studio version. This is the song that I'm most excited to see live because I wanna know what kind of staging he pulls out. Side note: I think it's really funny that the brother called Sexmane is less sexual musically than the one just called Isaac.

1. Glow - Jesse Markin

This is just a really phenomenally written and positive song. It is really nice to have some good classic rap at a competition like UMK. The flow is impeccable with his rapping too. There's a lot of American artists who can't write that well in english. The message of this song is really uplifting without feeling hollow because it recognizes you gotta actually work at being in a good place. Jessie is someone who knows exactly who he is as an artist and person and that translates into the song. Also Alpaca!

I think the the songs that have the biggest chance of winning are Paskana, Dancing with Demons, and No Rules!

But truly I have no clue how this will go. This is a very evenly matched line-up both in quality and fan reception. The live perfomances will 100% decide the outcome.

[thevividgreenmoss]

I had a couple of friends (my only two friends really lol which two is far far above my historical average for friends, one is above the historical average if we're being Real) over last night to see the movie I made with my cats/co-directors and I made little tickets/keepsakes for both of them lol

Since the first short I randomly slapped together back in January which eventually ended up being incorporated into what this ended up being I liked the idea of keeping this as something I primarily just directly share with people in my own living room, like the only reason I initially put this shit online anywhere is to have an easy way to share it on here with you all in case it's of interest to anyone lol but idk like there's no way to make even five dollars off of this since I don't have the rights to any of the music playing in the background and huge chunks of certain songs/albums are in the shit lmao like almost half an hour of D'Angelo - Voodoo lmfao but like. it cost me literally nothing to make this, I shot the entire thing on my phone and cut it together on my laptop using open source software so there isn't even any cost to recoup so why not include the music I was already listening to ig and past that just share it with directly with anyone that's willing to sit through it

Back in May I was talking to one of my neighbors who is also one of the neighborhood plugs who also raps a little bit just for the fuck of it "I dont make money off music, I'm a trapper for real" (slightly paraphrased it was almost a year ago at this point), but I actually fuck with his music and listened to it of my own volition after he initially directly played a track for me and our other neighbor and the other day I was over to reup and was like 1) I made a movie off your product so truly thank you cause this doesnt happen otherwise and 2) if you check it out and anything jumps out at you we can work on a music video along those lines if you're down which who knows if we'll do that but personally I'd love to. Then he asked me why I haven't been fasting lmao, remembering that I also didn't fast last year. And that led to talking about god and history and america and the whites. He was telling me a bit about another Pakistani guy that buys from him, showed me a picture of the dude, standing with (presumably although I can't say for sure) his father and grandfather.

The picture he showed me, everything he said has been stuck in my head since. The three smiling desi faces, if I had to guess either fellow Kashmiris if not that maybe Pathaan, but especially the old man's face recalling of course my nana's. I wish I could've made a movie in Lahore with him. I do want to make one with my mom, I was thinking of incorporating clips of a walk around the creek at my parent's neighborhood with her into this video but I ended up going a different direction but I do think it could be worth it's own standalone piece. But I do want to do more of these and the process by which it came together is definitely something accessible to everyone like everyone can do this I feel, if anyone wants. But I personally do want to make one with my mom if she's down.

A few days before that aforementioned day in late May I read Prince's unfinished autobiography and among a million things in there that I have not been able to stop seeing or thinking of was what? The way he opened the first chapter with the image of his mother's eyes - the first thing 👁 saw.

[xumoonhao]

i was tagged by @onedirecton to tag 10 ppl i want to get to know better and make a few questions :3 hehe, thank you sm alice :3

favourite colour: purple, hehe :3 alice i love that we have the same fav colour 💜💜💜 favourite food: ahhhh, i love most things!!! i do have a soft spot for soups and stews tho like they are so so wonderful……… mutuals pls gather round im giving you all a bowl of w/e soup or stew you like rn 🍲 song stuck in my head: babaero by randy santiago!!! its been stuck in my head since i first listened to it like it really is just so good, god… funky city pop music is really everything to me!!!!!!!! absolute best genre of music ever <<<333 i give it one thousand million hearts <- this was my last obsession bc i wrote all these answers down like. a week ago and forgot to post it so now the song stuck in my head is dagundong by alamat :3 its so good btw~! last long i listened to: hala by alamat!!! spotify did the only good thing its ever done by reintroducing me to alamat again like they are So Good oh my god...highly recommend their music!!! the way they work Filipino history into their videos and songs is soooooooo beautiful omg..... dream trip: hhhhhh i want to go to SO many places but my absolute DREAM is japan!!! id love to check out tokyo bc its so not like where i grew up - a bustling metropolis is what i want to live in like literally get me outta my small town this is not the place for meeeeee 😭 - but nara….the deer there……….god i need to go so BAD and i also just want to go to a cherry blossom festival once like pls…pls :( other than tho id LOVE to visit the great bear rainforest!!! like it just looks so so beautiful and its really not too far from me omg……. last tv show/movie: im currently watching the cherry magic anime (it is so good and so cute omg i forgot how much i enjoy the story….) and rewatching kyou kara maoh which is really and truly such a beloved anime To Me like its absolutely ridiculous god i love it sm!!! and i dont remember the last movie i watched?? i Think it was skinamarink but i could be wrong bc i watched that early last year and surely ive seen a movie since then…? but also maybe not bc i truly do only watch like 1 movie a year 😭 <- also update to this bc i watched sweet home a couple days ago!!! it was quite good and i really enjoyed the practical effects in it :3 older horror movies really have such a beloved place in my heart ahhh...also in writing this i remember i watched The Thing after skinamarink...i. only watched horror movies apparently spicy/sweet/savory: SPICY 🌶️🌶️🌶️ i do like all these things but if i had to choose id def go spicy over either of these!!! i do like spicy + sweet tho like omg one time i had spicy chocolate frozen yogurt and it was sooooooo good !!! idk what was used to make it spicy but i Adored it wahhhh~

also!!! in your lil tag game it said to make a few cool questions so i will make some <<<333

If you could be any animal, would you choose to be a domesticated animal or a wild one? Domesticated can extend to a wild animal that has been individually raised in a home, i.e., someone raising a raccoon a pet.

What is your favourite medium of creation? If you don't really engage in making things, pick whatever you're most interested in trying :3 And by medium I mean everything from drawing or making music or writing…anything creative!

What is/are your favourite(s) combination of colours?

Imagine your perfect summer day; what does it look like? Give as much description as you want :3

What is your favourite celestial object?

now, ill tag @grlfriends, @kwonhochi, @vampirebiter, @wonhosgrl, @librapropaganda, @honeydewtual, @heartual, @10281, @taengoo, @morgoth, @bixiaoshi, @ghostfeather, @ashmp3, @lovenee, @earlymay, @anglerfishare1inchto3feetlong, and @huiven!!! only if you want, ofc :3 and i know it said only 10 ppl but you see. i lost count while tagging ......... but thats fine <3

[sparklypunk]

So my bio father published a book 2 years ago. I only know about it because my grandma (his mom) messaged me about it saying I should give it a shot even tho him and I aren't on speaking terms anymore (and havent been for about 9 or 10 years now). Now I ignored this because i know i dont have to care about that. But last night I had 2 (two) dreams where my bio father apologized to me and where I remembered the friendship we use to have. So of course I got high so i could be present enough to journal this out. And after 4 pages and a lot of metaphors later, i realized wow I still have """"""daddy"""" issues, as in i still look for approval from who he use to be that lives deep within my head and heart. Much to my dismay... A few paragraphs later of self love and guidance and singing sad songs and crying, I end up looking for the book he wrote so I could just peak a glimpse into his. Upset yet impressed that the 4 reviews are all positive (upset to see a man who hurt me so much is succeeding but impressed that it's hard to finish a book and that is a true achievement). It has the first 25 pages so I say I'll just peak at the preface hoping to just see a "to my daughter whom I really fucked up... Im sorry" why was I even thinking it was a possibility. How could I still be looking for that. That is...absurd. But I read more. I scoffed at his happiness in his about. "How dare he be happy, doesnt he know he's hurt me" like I was just looking for an apology ive never gotten. Do I still have too look for outside acceptance to find my own happiness? His words hurt even before I was shunned out. Did I think if I saw a man moved on or a man stuck in the past would make me feel better? I thought I'd moved past this and been """mature""" but i guess healing isn't linear. Anyways I dont know if it's good for me to buy a .99cent kindle version of it to find out if there's any insert version of me where he apologizes and i can get a glimpse into this mind since I'll probably never get it in person for the rest of my life

[feedbackblues]

hi. i am renowned Playlist Maker feeba. here's my outer wilds playlist. EXTENSIVE explanation (AND OUTER WILDS + DLC SPOILERS) of every single song below the cut because i am INSANE and autisitc

Carrion: This song gave me the same feeling as reading some of the nomai text in the ruins. This song is insane to me. ["my soul," she cried "i thought you'd died / amid fumes of formaldehyde / you have been gone, for so long" i felt the lapping of an ebbing tide] <- particularly this part reads as when i explored the ruptured core...

Storm's Raging: HI blaseballers. are you emotionally destroyed? i'm emotionally destroyed. [the sun ain't coming back, the sun ain't coming back, the storm is raging]

Blank Slate: oh come on. Come On man. the universe has reset, has refreshed. [the slate, the slate, the slate is blank / and now, i know, we can't go back] come ONNNN

Didn't You Hear?: something about this is just so Nomai Music to me. the tenderness of the singer's voice. the way the instruments sound. the contents of the lyrics themselves [didn't you hear? there are signs in the sky / they say dreamers hang on / you'll wake by and by / and why are we all playing at games we cannot win? / we play because we fear we cannot play again]

In Space: an instrumental little jaunt that sits somewhere between Pokemon Mystery Dungeon and the merry wonders of the stars

Stairs to the Attic: oh boy. this is one of the more complex ones to me. the lyrics of this are self-explanatory, if you know the story of the game ([and through the door there was the attic / without old clothes, without a ceiling / everything had opened wide / into the jaws of something bigger]), but there's just something about the desperate existential voice that drives my brain nuts

Leviathan: fullstop this is about the Nomai extinction to me. or Solanum. i just. 😭😭😭 FUUUCK man. Fuck

Onset - Beyond Clouds: another instrumental.. reminds me of the pre-intelligence hearthian ancestors seeing the stars for the first time tbh

diary entry 7/15 - 7/28 + fourteen days is not enough for my screams to reach your ears: (these songs connect together) self-explanatory if you look at the lyrics tbh. [short wicks on a small stage / watch us burn, watch us burn, watch us burn / oh, you won't see me cry] [all our worlds will end / all our time is burning] also again... Hi blaseballers...

two week world: OH WHEN THE WOOOORLD LAST TWO WEEKS!!! YOU DONT GET FAR!!!! WHEN THE SUN FORMS AND BURNS OUT IN FOURTEEN DAYS!!! ALL YOU CAN HOPE TO BE!!! IS SOMEONE ELSE'S STAR!!!! IN SOMEONE ELSE'S SKY!!!! A TRILLION MILES AWAY!!!! A GOOGLEPLEX OF YEARS DOWN THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAYBE OUR DAY OUR LIGHT WILL GUIDE SOMEONE HOME!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAUAGAGAAGHAAAAAAAAA. AAAAAAAAAAA

analog: this song is just kind of cute and reminds me of the general hands-on and analog technology of the hearthians. they would put a grandfather clock in a spaceship.

nullified: Okay this is because i have an animatic for it in my head. But i picture the Hatchling accidentally breaks the warp core in a loop before they make it to the Vessel. and they have to fly their ship to the Eye themself. and. augh. starts crying

first field: another Antlers song about being a tiny piece of the universe and loving the world you were born on? uhhh yes please

Curses: blaming you for this lazuli. but also it's a goodass song

Hollow Moon (Single Version): blaming you for this lazuli (echoes of the eye edition)

Don't Quit: IT JUST REMINDS ME OF THE ASH TWIN PROJECT MUSIC? TBH???????????

elsewhere: OHHH NOWHERE TO GO!!! STUCK ON THE COAST!!!! STUCK IN THE ELSEWHERE TRYING TO FIND MY WAY HOME!!!!! FUUUCK

howling at twin moons: a looping hearthian's remorse to when the life was simple and linear and the little pleasures of the world could be enjoyed without knowing how they would be burned away. Also, haha, twin moons, like when the quantum moon orbits timber hea

Remember Me: nomai. NOMAI. I WANT TO GIVE THEM A KISS. IM CRYING INTO MY PHONE

solar eclipse (live @ the garages vs desert bus): don't wanna be forgotten. don't wanna forgive. is it so bad if i just wanna live. also the live version feels like having my whole heart ripped out thx

Intimate Immensity: the universe loves you and the universe wants a kiss

.--. --- . - - . - .-. . . : don't ask me what the title of this song is because i don't know. also it just reminds me of the village

you want it darker: THE OWLKS OH BABY I FUCKING LOVE THE OWLKS. LETS GO. the lyrical genius and Hot voice of leonard cohen combined with my special interest OOOOO ywah. Oh yeah. [you want it darker / we kill the flame]

The Sea of Tranquility: sniffling and crying and wiping my eyes on my sleeve and hiccuping and sobbing and [oh, we'll be old and weary friends / god bless, let all this never end / and how we lived / and how we know / and how we laughed together / and who alone / sings how we sang / know all we knew / and all we'll ask forever / is bring us too]

Road Movie to Berlin: i love tmbg rips open my shirt to reveal a second shirt that says i also love the narrative connotations of being trapped with your buddy (#timebuds #they should kiss)

Little Bird: reminds me of the prisoner and the hatchling meeting... in that moment you communicate more effectively than you do with anyone in the wjole game...

Sickly Suite Part One: sounds like solanum 😭😭😭😭 reminds me of her. [how are you today? / are you sure / you're still okay? / it's been a long, long time / but now you're reborn / dragged out into the light]

Sickly Suite Part Two + Three: i just like i monster. leave me alone

the twelfth trip around the sun: STARTS CRYING SO LOUD. you dont understand. the emotions i feel from this song i cant explain them thru words. i know that's literally the point of this post but i just can't do it

The Voyage: another instrumental. i apply this to all of my fixations where there's a Treacherous Journey

The Sun Hasn't Left: oh my god this is literally so time buds. this song is just straight up Gabbro you dont get it. [the sun hasn't left, the sea still has depth / the rain's still wet, try not to forget / we're not so bereft, so here's a bell that still rings true: / there's still something left, there's still something left for you]

Little Motel: again... Time Buds.... sorry i want the aliens to hold each other and sway softly

Dashboard: total vibe shift. but um. the dashboard melted but we still have the radio.. if u even care

Never Ending Math Equation: THE UNIVERSE WORKS ON A MATH EQUATION THAT NEVER EVEN EVER REALLY EVEN ENDS IN THE END. OK?

Night On The Sun: me and my homie the softboiled egg hanging out on the doubly impossible binary planet system orbiting 3 inches away from the surface of the sun

The Ground Walks with Time In A Box: gabbro again... i love you gabbo

5-4-3-2-1 Lisp Off: silly song abt being an astronaut can u tell i like modest mouse.

The Whale Song: I KNOW I AM A SCOUT I SHOULD HAVE FOUND A WAY OUT SO THAT EVERYONE COULD FIND A WAY OUT. INSTEAD OF SEEING A NEIGHBOUR OUT GOD I WISH I WOULD HAVE FOUND A WAY OUT IT WAS THE LAST TIME WE WERE HAPPY EVER HAPPY.

Gravity Rides Everything, Ocean Breathes Salty, Bury Me With It, Coyotes, We Are Between, King Rat: gabbo again... i like gabbo....

The Great Fire: WHEN THE FLAMES DIE DOWN!!! EVERYTHING IS GONE!!! WILL THERE BE FIRE!! UNDER THE ASHES STILL!!!!!! FUUUUUCK I LOVE THE OWLKS!!!!!!

Our View Of The Stars: instrumental that makes my brain explode

SUN 2 + SUN 2 (live): nomai love song... take my hand when i forget that there's a reason i'm alive, dude....

When I Was Done Dying: hatchling recounting their loops at the Eye as they have become so disconnected from the fear and feeling of death they regard it as nothing more than a momentary pain

And Yet Our Love Lives On: the way the nomai bones are still cuddling in their beds... fuck

Thank You: hatchling.

Eye of the Universe: literally just a kickass fansong

Feet-like Fins: PROTO-HEARTHIANS I LOVE YOU

still here: SOLANUM!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

watching the stars, snowfall, PP1: just awesome instrumentals tbh

Dark Center of The Universe: gabbo

The Yawning Grave: MY WAY OUT THERE HYPERFIXATION. MY LORD HURON HYPERFIXATION. NONE OF YOU ARE SAFE I AM CONTAGIOUS. anyways. ruptured core/Stranger moment

Frozen Pines: i know this is crazy but hear me out. gabbro/time buds (and the ancient glade)

You Can Never Go Home: they can never go home! idk bro!

Space & Time: [i'm close enough to happy to say / i'm close enough to happy to say / that i won't throw my memories away]

Long Lost: YEEEESS. YEAHHHH!!! YES WOOO!!!!!! I AINT LONELY IM LONG LOST!!!!!

I Lied: this reminds me of ocs i made sorry

Twenty Long Years: hatchling has been alive too long and nobody even knows. does anyone even know how long they've been dying.

Sober to Death: sorry this is literally another time buds song i fucking love gabbro.

The Moon Doesn't Mind, At Sea: i just like these ones.. i love u lord huron <3

Lost In Time And Space: if i don't find her (solanum) gonna tie that noose. literally so real of the hatchling. tbh.

[nervouslaughter05]

Stars to Comfort a Lonely Moon

C/W: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kissing, Angst, inspired by "dont look for me in the sunset when I die", inspired by the song "It's Called: Freefall, really sad and angsty, kinda happy ending?

A/N: I'm so sorry this is the first work I bring to the fandom, but this has been living in my head for the past week and I finally decided to crank something out for this today during some free time I had. "Grizzly", the woman in this piece, is an OC I made who is very near and dear to my heart. I have a fic (that's much happier) in the works at the moment that I'll begin to share once I've gotten some decent headway on it. Chapter one is actually almost done! So maybe in the next few days?

Also, please heed the tags and comment below any you find necessary.

Last chance to turn away. I will be completely honest when I say this wrecked me a little to write. Considering you've stuck around this long, enjoy the piece.

Recommended listening: "It's Called: Freefall" by Rainbow Kitten Surprise

Inspired by this TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@bejadoodles/video/7203248315381714182?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7195436189938271790

Called to the Devil and the Devil said

Hey! Why you been calling this late?

It's like 2 A.M. and the bars all close at 10 in hell, that's a rule I made

Anyway, you say you're too busy saving everybody else to save yourself

And you don't want no help, oh well

That's the story to tell

Death was something Ghost had come to accept as something normal in life. 

With the horrors he’d seen, the people he’d lost, the stories he was told, it wasn't exactly unusual. 

He didn’t rush into danger trying to die purposefully, but it was definitely something where if he were to be injured gravely he wouldn’t complain at the prospect of dying.

At least, that’s what he had told himself for years. 

Upon joining the 141, this was still true. 

After Las Almas where he had dragged Grizzly, unconscious, from the bullets pelting down around them and guided Johnny, injured, through the city, this lessened slightly.

After sharing a quiet moment with Grizzly when they had to hunker down in her father’s house in Alaska, this faded to a murmur. 

After the first time they kissed, this evaporated.

That’s what made right now so terrifying. 

Because suddenly he was actually wanting to live, wanting to claw his way from the grave just to keep breathing crisp air through his broken lungs. 

Seeing her sent a sharp stab of something he didn’t want to name through his chest. She was limp, blossoms of red unfurling from beneath her glove covered fingers. He stumbles, collapsing onto one knee onto the dirt.

“What do you think of the idea of looking at a sunset to remember someone who’s died?” Grizzly asks, leaning back on her hands from her spot sitting in the grass. 

He glances at her from his peripheral vision, shrugging. “I’d rather have someone look at the moon.”

She turns her head to look at him. “Why’s that?”

“It stands out like a sore thumb and despite that, it’s alone.”

Grizzly shuffles, trying to raise her upper body up. He gets back to his feet, limping to her prone form in the grass. His other leg gives out this time, sending him back to the ground. Ghost doesn’t care–he crawls to her, shifting so he is sitting upright against a rock in the middle of the clearing with her cradled in his lap. She breathes shakily, hand clutching at the red seeping through the fabric of her shirt. 

With her free hand, she reaches for one of his, tangling their fingers together. Then she pulls back, tugging off her glove with her teeth and prompting him to do the same with a weak whisper of his name–not the callsign, but Simon. Her hand is small in the grasp of his own, somehow still not nearly as calloused and rough as his own. 

His own wounds are forgotten in that moment and the stabbing pain in his head is pushed away in favor of the sensation of her fingers against his.

The woman fell silent, a thoughtful expression slipping onto her face. Eventually, when Ghost was sure she wouldn’t say anything, she murmurs, “Then look for me in the stars.”

He is silent, looking up at the night sky.

She waits a moment before continuing, words equally as soft as before. “So the moon won’t be alone anymore.”

Night was fallen, covering their forms in the gentle light of the moon and the harshness of the shadows around them.

The moon hung in the sky, stars twinkling into existence around it. They blur together in his sight, and that’s how Simon realizes he’s actually crying. The moisture dampens his balaclava, making it stick to his skin uncomfortably. 

The hand clutching her side reaches up to his mask, tugging on the edge of the balaclava resting on his neck. Simon doesn’t hesitate, tugging the balaclava off his face and mussing up his hair in the process. The blood flooding from her wound is slowing down, leaking in a lazy stream now. 

She smiles up at him, looking behind his head at the sky. “The stars are out.”

Simon chokes back a sob, nodding his head, his free hand cupping the back of her head. “So’s the moon.”

Ghost looked over at her fully, eyes trailing over the way the light of the moon fell over her features. Her eyes shone in the darkness, filled with a depth he wanted to drown in. She looked at him with nothing but honesty. It tugged at something in his chest, stirring the grieving beast inside of him. 

“What if the moon wants to be alone?”

“Simon,” she breathes, breath going shallow as she winces. “I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head, pulling her close as a fog begins to settle over his brain. It urges him to sleep, to close his eyes and fall into the abyss. “Don’t.”

It’s all he can manage to say past the choking lump in his throat. She seems to understand, grasping his shoulder to pull herself up. Hand still grasping his own, she brushes the other over his cheek, cupping it in her palm and resting her forehead against his. He holds her close by the hand on the back of her head, helping to keep her upright. 

“Simon,” she says, voice full of reverence. “The moon won’t be alone anymore.”

“It doesn’t,” Grizzly replies easily, looking back up at the sky. “The way he acts says the opposite.”

She looks back at him again, gaze soft. He meets her eyes, that feeling stirring in his chest again. It chips away at the walls he put up, spilling through the cracks. 

“But the stars won’t shine,” Simon tells her, holding her as close as he can. 

She chuckles again, breath ghosting over his lips. “The stars only shine so long as the moon does too. They can’t be-” She winces again. “Can’t be separated.”

One of his hands reaches up, bare palm against her cheek as his thumb strokes underneath her eye. She leans into his touch, tilting to lay a gentle kiss against his skin while holding his palm against her skin with her own. Ghost doesn’t know who leans in first, but before he knows it, his balaclava is shoved over his nose and their lips are slotted together. 

It’s soft and tender to start with. 

Then that ugly thing in his chest rears its head, pressing him to hold the back of her head and kiss her harder. 

Grizzly responds in kind, hands roughly grasping at his shoulders. 

She falls back onto the grass, his body over hers as he worships her with his touch.

“No?” Simon questions, wishing that he could just mold their bodies together. 

“No,” she affirms, eyes starting to drift closed. “Never.”

He hums, and she nuzzles closer. 

The blood–hers, his, it doesn’t matter anymore–is sticky on his clothes, but he can’t bring himself to care. 

“And the stars could never shine without the moon,” Grizzly growls against his lips.

He swallows the sound of her voice, staking a claim on her from the searing kiss. He takes and takes and takes and she just lets him, taking and taking and taking in her own way. They were both broken and hurting, granted at different levels, but still were coming together in a clashing of emotion. 

It burns and soothes the ugly thing in his chest, nourishing and depleting his soul at the same time. 

Her hand falls from his cheek, eyes fluttering nearly shut as the rise and fall of her chest stills. He can feel the own aching in his body fading into a numb sting, eyelids as heavy as her body in his arms. Simon exhales, breath dispersing in a puff of white into the cool air. 

The darkness swallows him whole, except instead of painful it’s gentle. 

He doesn’t fear it–just like before–but because of different reasons this time. 

The embrace is welcome, because he knows that there’s someone waiting on the other side. 

A/N: I'm sorry for putting you guys through this

[emperornero]

combining the two ask games ive been tagged in recently so everything is in one place 👍👍 anyone who sees this can do it and tag me as the one who made you do it idk thank you for tagging me ^_^

1 - tagged by @evecc

are you named after anyone? - i assume this question is more of a ‘are you named after your grandparent or some famous person’ but im in this weird place where YES all of my names come from other “people” but its not in the traditional way lol . ive been using axel as a first name for about 5 years now and it comes from my old original character. yes im named after an oc. nero is obvious. theo is more of a joke than something i would consider going by irl but its from a video game character

what was the last time you cried? - today yayy

do you have kids? - no and i never want to be a parent if i have the choice

do you use sarcasm a lot? - no and i dont understand it and i often struggle with obvious jokes both through text and irl. my brain is fucked and even if something has been stated before to be a joke i usually dont remember it

what sports do you play/have played? - i used to swim before hitting puberty. now im not comfortable with anything and once again my mental issues dont make it as fun as it could be

whats the first thing you notice about people? - if its a physical trait its probably clothing. i will look at the colors and try to remember what someone is wearing to remember them better

eye color? - dark brown

scary ending or happy ending? - depends on the media but happy is nice :]

any special talents? - i dont think i have any .

where were you born? - small random city in poland

what are your hobbies? - digital art and ancient rome are my main . i also like learning about pokemon [the competitive scene and its changes more specifically]. other than that i always enjoyed studying biology

do you have pets? - a kitty named kefir and a dog named toro. the latter is unfortunately very old and is having health issues caused by that. ive been preparing for his death for the last weeks but i think im more calm about it now. hes doing ok but i know it will happen soon..

how tall are you? - 6 feet / 180+ cm. i slouch a lot due to my chest so its not always visible.

favourite subject in school? - biology and latin

dream job? - i used to really want to be a dentist but honestly i dont know. mental problems impact my view of the future a lot and im not sure what im even capable of doing anymore

2 - @theromaboo

relationship status - taken :]

favourite color - all shades of purple and tyrian purple

song stuck in head - pizza tower ost unexpectancy part 3

last song ive listened to - scatterbrain by radiohead

three favourite foods - mcdonalds nuggets . salmon. garlic bread

last thing i googled - its literally all just polish to english translations for words i dont remember lol

dream trip - ancient roman sites in italy again but this time i actually have some time to see stuff instead of being in a group aaghfg

anything i want right now - freedom ?

[merotwst]

I don't know if you've seen Hadestown (there's a couple reccordings on youtube, it's really good) but I have had this idea stuck in my head of...just...Mc putting on a play in Twisted Wonderland, maybe during their second year when they no longer have to deal with the overblots, and kidnappings and cleaning ramshackle. And Jamil gets the part of Orpheus because his voive is just *chef's kiss* and I know he can play the guitar even if he denies it I KNOW HE CAN

Just Jamil singing the most beautiful love songs in a play about freedom, mending ones relationships, love and hope? Please I'm on my knees at the image of him getting the main part, getting to show his true talents to an audience and be recognized all while his crush is singing alongside him and he's never been happier??? It has me on a chokehold

OK LET ME BE HONEST

the reason i took too long to respond to this was bcs i had to listen to the musical. i finished it and UWOOOGH I FELL MADLY IN LOVE FUCK IT'S SO GOOD ANON THANK U I LOVE U FOR THIS

as for the jamil brainrot

YES?!?!?!?!? OH MY FUCKING GOD

no, i can see myself becoming absolutely mesmerized when he plays this poor boy who keeps his heart on his sleeve

LAAAALALALALALAAAAAAAA

ok but also

hear me out.......

i feel like he'd be so fitting as a hades....

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH BECAUSE HE'S SO GOOD WITH PAIN(?) IDK IF U GET IT BUT THE MELANCHOLY OF HADES WOULD BE SUCH A PRETTY COLOR ON HIM

and then imagine him slowly slowly learning to fall in love with his persephone again

THE SILENT ANGER AND RESENTMENT EVENTUALLY MELTING INTO LOVE ONCE AGAIN IT WOULD BE SO PERFECT PLEASE

imagine him looking at you with the coldest of glares (fans face and flutters eyelashes) and then soon, sooner when jamil hades remembers how much he loves you, the way everything becomes clear to him. what happened to you both? what has he done? he loves you. please say you'll try again with him

SCREAMING SCREAMING CRYING BLUSHING PLS I WOULD PROBABLY GIGGLE DURING REHEARSALS AND HE'D GET ANNOYED "LIZ, STOP THIS IS THE FIFTH TIME"

NO URE TOO BABYGIRL I CANT HELP IT

i wanna play persephone someday UGH HER GROWLY VOCALS

THE BELT in lady of the underground was EVERYTHING I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE EVER SINCE I WAS A FETUS I WANT TO BE THAT BELT HOW DO I BECOME THAT

i love love love persephone

ahhhh he'd be so excited if his crush got cast as his persephone pls imagine ure dancing with jamil in the end ure in love ure happy again he wants u to be happy go back and bring sunlight into the world once again and he will wait for you in his darkness. he'll keep ur memory of light in his heart until you return to him and ure in his arms again for the other half of the year im tearing up hold on

kalim would be orpheus

he'd be perfect as orpheus with his sunny personality it would br so natural. i dont wanna hear his bird screeching though cuz like apprently in the game people thing his voice sounds good bro idk bitch wher he's constantly SCREAMING. THAT'S NOT IT. ok sorry for the kalim slander i love him lemme squish his cheeks squish squish little bitch boy that i adore smooches forehead

and jamil would definitely be the type make his life more complicated by forbidding him to look back lmao anyways

BECAUSE WOW I DONT WANNA PUT JAMS IN ORPHEUS' AND EURYDICE'S TRAGEDY EITHER

he deserves a happy ending

he is the perfect hades idk if his voice would fit but we can make it work

i know because i was cast as persephone i was there i saw jamil he was perfect

the perfect babygirl for hades

[numetaljackdog]

what i'm listening to 10/5/2022 (song notes under cut)

spot. link//yt link

Laura Les - Haunted: haunted. by laura les

Nirvana - Something In The Way (Live at the BBC): when listening through last month's album ranking, this performance caught me. something in the way is one of the more underrated tracks from nevermind (or at least it was before the new batman movie lol). truthfully there's nothing too out of the ordinary with this performance but i like how kurt's voice sounds on the chorus especially <3

Umphrey's McGee - National Loser Anthem: i LOVE mashups that are actually recorded by someone else instead of sticking the tracks together (both kinds are good but this type is underappreciated). this is the opener to this album and it introduces the mastercraft on display so well...

Papa Roach - Scars: i don't even have anything nice to say about this song other than that it's super catchy. i actually got it in my head bc i had been listening to the laura les remix lol

Europe - The Final Countdown: okay everyone SHUT UP. i know this is a fucking sports stadium anthem but i dont give a shit about that!! when i was 11 years old and only just starting to listen to music, this was one of the only songs i knew. everyone only knows the chorus (which is really good) but if you actually listen to the lyrics it's this heartwrenching power pop track about leaving earth and dealing with the complicated emotions that would come with that...... you wouldn't get it................

Luscious Jackson - Naked Eye: heard it on the radio. struck me as a very genre-bending band, with rock and hip hop and a bunch of other shit mixed in. cool stuff! apparently the drummer was the original drummer for the beastie boys?? crazy

Vanilla Ice - Hooked-Live/1991: i've been writing a ranking of all of vanilla's albums, which led me to relisten to some significant tracks. hooked was one of the stronger tracks from his debut album (the original release of which was even named after it) but it always fell a little short for me. the live version, on the other hand, has a lot more energy and hype

They Might Be Giants - Hide Away Folk Family: tmbg was one of the first bands i ever listened to (explains a lot tbh) but i only knew a little bit of their stuff from like the 90s and 00s, so i wanted to go back and check out some old school material. i liked this album a lot, and the chorus to HAFF stuck in my head big time

Jethro Tull - Aqualung: i've been getting into some more prog rock recently for no. particular... reason...... and i already kinda knew i would like this album. my dad had recommended "up to me" a while back, which i really liked, so i had high hopes. they were met! good fucking album! the title track is really only a standout bc of my love for opening tracks

ANGEL_TECH - whats up with u??: new angel_tech album out now!! once again, the opening track thing is big for me. i love an album that makes a good first impression. it was unfortunate that i couldn't make the release party but oh freaking well!

Huey Lewis & The News - I Want A New Drug: i think i've properly memed myself into enjoying huey lewis lmaooo i found sports in those old cassettes i mentioned i've been going through and was like "lol i should listen to this bc funney american psycho reference" and then an hour later i was adding a bunch of huey songs to my playlist...

Mind-Body Problem - Flesh and Blood (Ephesians 6:12): found this band through their hand crushed by a mallet cover, but honestly i think i might like this original track better. metalcore and hardcore and all that are severely lacking some fresh faces and new takes on the genre, so i'll be keeping an eye on what else this band has to offer!

August is Falling - August Is Falling: really great new ep from an absolute classic pop punk emo band. definitely not tied to any kind of internet inside joke bullshit. remember seeing them on warped tour

Girls Rituals - Idiot punk tetratogenic perma-decline (at the end of your bed): i've been enjoying all devi's new singles but this one's the one i keep coming back to. nothing much more to say it's just good tunes

Spin Doctors - Little Miss Can't Be Wrong: i've been just ever so slightly abnormal about these guys since the trainwreckords episode, but this one is not really that interesting? it's just a really good pop song 👍

Cry Baby - Singing For You: y2k throwback pop rock recommended by skatune network. i've become such a pop girlie and this one has a big catchy chorus. great stuff :)

[causenessus]

HI LOVILNESS !! good morning evening or afternoon, i just got home and im like super tired but i miss you so much so i wanted to write back, literally was passed out majority of the drive back BUT we stopped by earls (i think… if i recall….) but it was my first time trying it !! i just had some pasta and it was okay i mean it was food and i was hungry and i literally just passed out again after LOL the night before the drive back i literally just stayed up so i could just sleep the whole drive and it worked!! my neck AND back are super sore so when i came home i took a salt bath and just laid down(i’ve been stuck to my bed ever since coming back home) and i was like i miss ness </3 i have so much to say so this one im gonna be yapping a lot AS PER USUAL LOL

OMG SO the concert was so great like i went with friends right and it was such a good experience like my ears ringing my throat dry TEARS WERE SHEDDED I MUST SAY some of the songs did hit a little too much LOL but it was so so so good like im usually not a concert person because i get overstimulated a lot but this one was so worth it (this is like my third concert though so maybe im a liar) before the concert me and my friends were just walking around the area and shopping(window shopping) and it took us like 20 minutes to actually find where the arena is because we got lost but we followed this other group that had like concert outfits on and we eventually made it! also merch is literally SOOO expensive like my minimum wage job cannot handle it, after the concert i literally just had pizza and stayed up the whole night for the road trip so i was EXTREMELY EXTREMELY TIRED LOL

i hope your day has been better :( like i wish i could sprinkle some special glitter on you like a little tooth fairy and make it all better, I DIDNT KNOW YOU HAD TWO JOBS THATS CRAZY and school on top of all that?? i don’t know how you even manage because i’m barely holding on with just one job that i’ve almost quit like MORE times than i can count (the stress of uni and work is not something i was ever prepared for) but pls take care of yourself !! i understand it gets hard some days so make sure you rest properly after work and between literally… everything you’re juggling like it sounds like so much i don’t know how you do it

IM GLAD I MADE U LAUGH !! no but literally after that experience i pack snacks in my bag now because i wanted to DIE like i wanted to explode right then and there, i like to gaslight myself into thinking that NO ONE remembers but the little voice inside my head is always like (they remember)(they see you as the girl whose stomach was barking the whole class) i totally get the carrot thing because there has been like sometimes where i would be eating and I HEAR MYSELF CHEWING SO LOUD like chips and stuff and it would be so awkward because i was like I DONT NEED TO BE MUNCHING THAT LOUD?? and then putting away the chips too and it’s just CRUMBLING like it’s terrible we need an irl mute button </3

AND YES I GET WHAT YOU MEAN BY THE SOUND AND LIGHT TECH DUO LIKE THATS LITERALLY US?? me and you are so soulmates we are meant to be BUT THATS CRAZY LIKE i was thinking back when reading your response and i was like wait.. YEAH THERE IS A SOUND AND LIGHT TECH DUO!! like someone make a new smau with this idea (LMFAO IM JOKING) (maybe maybe) AND PLS MY SOUND DAYS LIKE no sometimes it was so hard to hear the cast when they’d go through their lines because of the background noise and also the fact that it was just a shitty school play so our mics were terrible BUT IT WAS FUN! being in tech and band like i was literally a high school loser but that’s okay i will say it PROUDLY!! ALSO I KIND OF HAVE A SIMILAR STORY? but it wasn’t me like it was this girl in my year who became like the tech manager?? i’m not really sure how it worked but there was this other kid who was a year above us who was like talking about how he deserved it because seniority and whatever and it caused a HUGE tech drama because the poor girl didn’t ask to be manager like she was assigned and this guy was literally like talking down on her AND I FELT SO BAD?? like tell me why tech crews have so much drama and toxicity it’s literally a common thing LOL

also i will protect you from the weird men do not worry i will stand STRONG AND TALL ON A PODIUM FOR YOU !! BUT PLS THE SKATER BOY ™️ NESS LORE DROP AGAIN? i love the random lore drops this is like minecraft maps where i just walk around and fill in the map but instead its ness lore and a timeline LOL unfortunately i was victim to not one but two of the typical valorant discord people </3 I WILL BLAME IT ON ME BEING YOUNG but now i’m literally just trying to live another day and not fall to the hands of the education system, i will not let them take me down!!

next time i go to a grocery store im gonna try the poke bowls because you talk about it a lot and now i want to try and share my experience LOL im actually like i don’t eat poke bowls that much?? IDK WHY it’s not like i avoid them but i’ve never been like, damn. i want a poke bowl. YK WHAT I MEAN? like i haven’t actually had the whole poke bowl experience but next time i will! your day sounded so hectic i hope you were able to settle down when you got home!!

life is gonna get busier now that school is back up so make sure you remember to eat and take care of yourself !! i hope your days get better because you deserve it !! if any customer or anyone is being mean you can send them my way and i’ll respectfully deck them !!! <3 (said with love for you) (always for you) (never for anyone else) (so maybe not respectfully) I’m so SO SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO SCROLL PASS THIS </3 but but i do sincerely hope your days get better! (i’ve said this maybe three times now) and make sure you eat and take proper care of yourself!! have a good night ness! or morning or afternoon !! xoxoxo

AAAAAAAAA I MISSED YOU SO MUCH MY LOVE!! I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK HOME SAFELY <3 I HOPE YOU RESTED AND ARE DOING GOOD!! sorry it took me a little bit to reply </3 i've never heard of earls but i'm sorry the pasta wasn't life changing 😭😭😭 i'm glad you're home though and were able to sleep most of the time!! and aa a salt bath -> bed sounds like the most relaxing combo ever i hope you had a good sleep and your neck is better now <3

I'M GLAD THE CONCERT WAS GOOD!!! I WANTED TO ASK WHAT CONCERT IT WAS but only if you're comfortable sharing!! and i also totally get not liking them a lot 😭 tbh i've only ever been to one concert (it was for declan mckenna <3) and it was SO good it was super niche but also like,,, i was fighting my life with all these cool scary girls with septums and bleached hair in pigtails with their twink bfs smelling like weed,,, and also i got super distracted by their bassist and he was kind of eating it up bc i was recording him the whole time.....and it was super loud and lowkey overstimulating being near so many other people who are all screaming 😭 BUT THEY'RE KIND OF FUN AT THE SAME TIME!! ESP IF THE VIBES ARE GOOD SO IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD A GOOD TIME <3 and omg fr merch is so expensive 😭 like i think mitski is coming to my state this month??? and i was lowkey interested?? but tickets ALONE were like $100+ and i was like....oh....so actually i can't afford that... 🤠🤠 I'M SURE YOU WERE TIRED AFTER THO!!! AND CONCERTS ARE ALWAYS IN LIKE THE MOST FAR AWAY PLACES EVER TRYING TO DRIVE HOME AFTER THEM IS THE WORST THING EVER

AND NO 😭 UNI + SCHOOL IS SO STRESSFUL basically (this is super just over the top details u don't have to read this part if u don't want to) but this second job as a hostess i have is an on and off job i've had for years. i think i started it my sophomore year in school??? when i was like 15 so it lowkey was not legal... but ANYWAY i kept that up for like maybe a year but that job was SO stressful i felt so bad like i was at fault everytime the servers got a bad table that i had to quit (and also i hated how mundane it felt working EVERY friday and saturday bc they were like the only full days i got to really rest bc of school but work took up that time) but sometimes they ask if i can come in and i will since it's not too bad ever so often??? but then i got looped in to working like every saturday there lately 😭 bc their actual hostess like went on vacation in july and then injured her knee so i'm basically covering for her all of august AND THEN SHE FELL AND INJURED IT AGAIN before her surgery so now i'm also working there all of september......which is also when i start the horrors of stage managing so it'll be uni + theatre + work!!!!! (i will kms) (mango anon talking to u will be my only saving grace i swear) (since this job takes up my saturday nights and mon-fri + saturday mornings takes up school + uni but i also have to work at my retail job especially starting in october bc that's when we get really busy i will be working every sunday so basically i'll just be a skeleton!!!)

THE GIRL WHOSE STOMACH WAS BARKING THE WHOLE CLASS PLEASE I LAUGHED SO HARD LMAOAOAO but ur so right!! with all this technology we should NOT be having such loud crinkly bags and we need a mute button!!

SOUND LIGHT TECH DUO!! I DON'T JUST THINK MANGO ANON I KNOW WE'RE SOULMATES!! please and ik that working sound with u would have made my high school career 100000x better like,,, mango anon pls fly here and run sound for this show i'm stage managing so i don't have to deal with stupid kids... 😭😭 AND AAA A LIGHT + SOUND DUO SMAU???? MANGO ANON YOU ARE GIVING ME IDEAS!!! i literally paused to write things down omg... it's another suna smau xxx i will never be over him AND I DON'T WANT TO BE OVER HIM!!! AND YOU BEST BELIEVE I WILL BE MENTIONING YOU AS A NOTE IN THE MLIST AND BE LIKE "THIS IDEA CAME FROM MY AMAZING MANGO ANON!!!" but PLEASE that's always the struggle like u can never hear the cast during plays bc none of them can project to save their lives and then during musicals their mics all die at the worst points ever so like wtf why do we even try anyway 😭😭😭 watching the sound people go through the five stages of grief and like every single layer of hell whenever mics die is the worst i always feel so so bad 😭😭 i once helped them completely rewire their ethernet connection bc we had no idea why like the sound board was NOT speaking to the rest of the system omg i don't want to think about those times anymore 💀 /lh AND I FEEL SO BAD FOR THE TECH MANAGER GIRL TOO LIKE BRO IF SHE GOT THROWN IN AND EVERYTHING LIKE THIS GUY HAS NO RIGHT TO BE TALKING HER DOWN IK SHE WAS UNDER SO MUCH PRESSURE TOO THAT'S HORRIBLE </33 I'LL BE SENDING AN ETSY WITCH HIS WAY NOW!! but ig ur right tech crew (and actor) toxicity is inevitable </3

LMAOAOAOAOO THE MINECRAFT MAPS IT'S OKAY ANON i was victim to a discord man as well </33 hold on we'll lore drop him here instead and do skater boy next time and like I'M THROWING NAMES IN HERE IDGAF IF HE'S READING SILLY HAIKYUU X FEM READERS THAN I THINK HE HAS BIGGER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT THAN ME NAME DROPPING HIM /J not really name dropping but i called him omelette king LMAO but anyway i met OK (omelette king for short LMAOAO) on roblox during peak quarantine and we had like a 4 person group but him and me got really close and he'd do things like call me cutie and i was just 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 STOP SORRY i'm having ptsd flashbacks we had a lot of discussions that were very strange. and then he'd make me play knockoff undertale pvp roblox games with him but i was so bad at them and he called me boring for not wanting to play them with him and yeah!! long story short one day i messaged him a paragraph about how toxic he was and then blocked him like a boss!!! if u have any lore drops I WOULD LOVE TO ALSO HEAR THEM!!!

but YES!! if u try a poke bowl lmk what you think of it!! i'm sure i could find better ones at like an actual poke place but like groccery stores are most convenient for me 😭 and i like their cheap rice idk it's just the imitation crab and whatever makes it spicy that throws me off i think just bc i'm not used to eating anything like it </33

AND PLEASE DO NOT BE SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS WAS!!! I LOVED LIKE WRITING MYSELF NOTES ON HOW I WANTED TO REPLY AAA THIS WAS SO SO FUN I CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN AND I LOVE YOU SM MANGO ANON!! <333 INSTEAD OF SENDING BAD CUSTOMERS UR WAY U SHOULD JUST COME TO ME!!! and make sure to take care of yourself as well please!! AND TODAY WAS A BIT BETTER!! hopefully this week goes better and i think it will as i get more into the groove of my new schedule </3 (which is unfortunate but it's my reality so ALAS) and thank you so much lovely!! DW um honestly like i got home from work today and was like "man i just want a bagel for dinner" and then i was like "wait what have i even eaten today?" and i realized i completely skipped lunch on accident 😭😭 bc i ate breakfast at like 10 and then went to work at 2 so i had no time!! but then my first thought was immediately "OH NO MANGO ANON'S GOING TO BE SO DISAPPOINTED IN ME </3" so i made sure to like actually eat an actual meal (eggs and toast again bc i'm in my depression meal era rn and am trying to get out of it rn but it's very hard. also i lost my appetite halfway thru but i ate it anyway LMAOAO)!! I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT DAY AND THAT YOUR NECK IS FEELING BETTER! I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR FROM U AGAIN <33

[floydsteeth]

16, 20 and 29 for the music ask!! 👀

16:One of your favorite classical songs

I dont listen to classical music much if at all, so any that I do like have been lost due to not knowing their names :P buuuuut I do listen to alot of jazz & swing (at least I did a few years ago I listen to it less now) so here ya go!

20:A song that has many meanings to you

Im putting two songs here because I'm indecisive:P :] i just cant listen to one without needing ti hear the other, they mostly negative meanings to me :D they're genuinely good songs it's just I got into this band at one of my lowest mentally, I had just gotten out of the hospital in 9th grade after a really really bad attempt, so I do associate these songs heavily with that time, but also I associate them with core parts of who I am as a person, I dont really wanna get into it but these songs out of almost everything I listen to has the most meaning behind why I listen to them :3

29:A song that you remember from your childhood

Once again im putting two songs :P

I cant really explain this one, It still gets stuck in my head to this day for a few years I thought this was the song tiktok and not a parody (I couldn't read English at the time)

Childhood favorites right here hahahah:P I could also put la Ziguezon but I didn't like it as a kid :P and I kinda completely forgot about it until my mum listened to it recently

But yea I listened to alot of parodies as a kid. And if I wasn't listening to that it was Katy parry, until I was in that one family friends car then it was purely rock/metal/punk music and I love it but I can't remember any of the specific songs, I just know my mums ex didn't want us listening to rock/metal/punk at home so I only ever heard it in that car and God did I love it

[woosansang]

henlo my beloveds!! i cannot believe that an entire year has passed in which not a single day goes by where i dont think about, listen to, watch, or fawn over (or all of the above) the most amazing group of young artists that i’ve ever had the pleasure of loving.

below the cut you will find some unnecessary emotional babbling about my short but amazing time as an atiny and some words of love to some of the people on this website who have contributed to that happiness. (fair warning: it is really fucking long i am so sorry and i do not expect many people to read it. tags and messages are at the bottom if that’s what you’re here for)

a week or so from today marks my first anniversary of being part of atinyblr, but it was on the fateful day of saturday july 17th 2021 that i watched my very first piece of ateez content and fell head over heels for fireworks!yeosang.

over 6000 tumblr posts later (what can i say? when ya boy obsesses, she oBsESsEs alright), and here we are. tumblr user woosansang who had previously not changed their url for SIX YEARS breaks tradition for Some Guys. smh @ myself at how whipped i am. @/bowtiescarves, you had a good run.

while yeosang captured my attention literally instantly, some of you know how utterly in denial i was about my san bias, which manifested itself within mere days of discovering them, yet it took me over six months to acknowledge how much he affected me. seonghwa joined the bias line second, officially, but then he got kicked out after deja vu because apparently i can’t take him seriously when he’s got pink hair or something idk. anyway, for all of one week i was posting about yeosang, san and seonghwa. and then i discovered inception era wooyoung and my life was basically over then. like. fucking goodbye jazzy lol LOL.

i remember listening to compilations of jongho singing for hours. i remember being so upset that they came to australia back in 2019 before i really even knew what kpop was at all and feeling like i’d missed my chance (cut to me now, kind of considering a wholeass holiday to korea for the sole purpose of seeing them live). i remember watching every. single. thanxx stage. GOD. those first few weeks were wild.

then i made my first ateez gifs. of seonghwa of all people. and since then, i have made more gifs and gifsets in the past year than the previous seven or eight years of being a casual content creator combined. (like i said, i’m insanely obsessed but wcyd)

outside of tumblr, i am a dancer, and after only knowing of ateez for a few weeks, my sister (who introduced me to them) and i decided that we were going to cut together a mashup song and learn a bunch of their choreographies to perform at our dance school’s annual concert in 2021. lockdowns and restrictions meant that we ended up learning and teaching this dance to our friend almost entirely online, and if i’m being completely honest here, our ateez dance was one of the only things that kept me happy during all the time spent stuck at home. like. combine dance and my current hyperfixation and you get one happy jazzy. we weren’t perfect by any means, but i was so so proud of our little trio for what we managed to accomplish (i think most of you have already seen my dance but if you want, you can dm me and i’ll send you the link if you want to watch!). our dance was ridiculously well recieved by the audience and i cannot remember ever being happier on stage then when i was performing to ateez’s music. it’s wild how serotonin works hey.

the past year of my life has been hectic, especially this last six months with my new job, and ateez has been the main thing that’s kept me going strong this whole time. they make me so happy, and the friends i have made through them make me so happy as well <3 i am so grateful that i found them and fell in love with them when i did <3

if you read all of that.... wow im so sorry i dont know how to be concise to save my life bsdhfbsd

now because i am me and i am physically incapable of keeping things short and sweet, there are just a few people that i want to say some stuff to that i’m sure they already know but i’m a sap so i’m gonna say it again. behold:

@hwanswerland fio bro idk what to say here tbh you know we are both too awkward and stupid for saying nice things to each other but i guess i have to bc i like you or something </3 fr though you know i do love talking to you, i love sending you stupid shit and bad hwa screenshots and random photos i find on twitter that either i’ve cried over or i know you will cry over. i love how we revel in each other losing our minds over some guys. and i also love how easy it has always been to be real with you, how well we clicked when we first started talking and how much i love waking up to random text essays from you overnight. thank you for listening to my bullshit and giving me your own right back. thank you for understanding my dislike of exclamation marks. thank you for being someone who actually likes to communicate about things if we ever take issue with something or just need clarification because we’re being stupid about some feelings or whatever. thank you for being you. i dont remember how we even became friends but i’m incredibly thankful that it happened. i guess. idk. you’re boring and i hate you. that’s more like it <333333

@sanhwaiting megan <3 beloved <3 bubble tea buddy <3 evil demon friend <3 we havent talked as much lately since we are such busy bees but i love you all the same! thank you especially for being such a kind and welcoming presense in atinyblr when i first stuck my toes into this fandom, for helping me with random cc stuff, for being such a sweet and constant presence in my notifs, for sending me so much stuff that i had to create tags just to keep track of my own suffering </3 i miss our little chats and i hope we can get back to them soon <333 ilysm <3

@hwanwooyoung chey my dearest, i hope you are having an amazing day today because you deserve the world <3 i self proclaimed myself as your emotional support mutual and while i don’t always manage to hold up that promise, i hope you know that i’m subconsiously sending you love and support every day! you’re such a beautiful person and i just want the universe to see that and give you everything you want in life <3 ilysm beloved, thank you for always being there for me <3 <3 <3

@ocean-dreamer-sky-chaser elise beloved!! i love you so much my love <3 im so glad we accidentally became friends lmao i love that i can leave rants in your dms whenever i need to and that we both feel comfortable enough to have deep and meaningful conversations and help each other out, or simply support each other and know we have each others’ backs. and also then i can come screaming about being on my knees for woosan just to have you go “same *faints*” HDSFJHSDK also love that we are both into fic lol it’s nice to have someone helplessly flailing with me about it <3333

@applejongho anne i think you’re just about the coolest person i know. even though we’ve only started talking properly quite recently, you’ve always been an awesome precense in atinyblr and i absolutely love how easy it is to chat to you about the most random shit. also MATH BUDDY LETS GO NERDS <33

@hanjesungs jay, although not really that deep in atinyblr anymore, you remain an awesome friend with knowledge on the most obscure things that i come to you to talk about, whether that be some random ass stage jisung did a year ago or how to build a computer from scratch, you always seem to know exactly what i need lmfao. thank you for teaching me about skz!! you and a few others truly opened my eyes to how fucking awesome they are. we should do another watch sesh soon <3 thank you for also always being there at whatever random hour i start vagueposting on tumblr, you show up in my messages with your love and support and distractions and i love you for it. you really need to get to bed at a reasonable time one of these days though HJDFSJDHF LOVE YOU <3

@blueberrysan shay!!! i love you so much <333 tbh, you are the heart of my life as an atiny, no doubt. you are the sweetest most precious angel and i wish we talked more but we’re both so stupidly shy it’s almost annoying sdjfsd thank you for also introducing me to svt and mr yoon jeonghan! i can’t thank you enough for all of the sweet messages and asks you’ve sent me, the little gifts here and there that i treasure. you’re so fucking lovely shay and i am so glad i am priviliged enough to know you <3 <3 <3

@hyunfelix dani im so glad we found each other again after being mutuals via stranger things without even talking to each other and then somehow being into some of the same kpop groups like a year or two later??? crazy how that happened. we need to come up with some kind of phonecall schedule lmao because we’re always missing each other being online but i love talking to you so much, it’s kind of like talking to myself but with an american accent BHSABD ilysm <3 text me again sometime pls <3333

a smol and special mention to sofie @seonghw-a and simi @yuggietual for the yeotent that i first found when searching for ateez content on tumblr lol, you guys were probably the first ccs i followed on here so you’re my og atinyblr crushes i guess sbdfjhf thanks for all your service to the yeo stans of this world <3

also a smol and special mention goes to the amazing work done by romi @songmingki providing atinys everywhere with content that we would not otherwise be able to access. i thank you internally every time i watch, save, gif, or simply drool over something you’ve uploaded. thank you so much <3

some other beloveds who i haven’t really spoken to much but deserve an honourable mention for making atiny and atinyblr incredible are @97choi @abiaswreck @ateezbiased @bvlnoriyas @dejawoos @jeongyunho99 @mangomingki @ortali @sanshine @seonghwaminho @soppa @lee--felix @woojoongz @wouyoung @xuseokgyu (i am so so sorry if i forgot anyone, it’s late and my brain is fried today)

last but not least, any non-mutuals who happen to be reading this, hi hello thanks for following my insane journey through stanning these silly, talented, gorgeous boys. i hope to stay here for a long time <3

thanks for coming to my ted talk. keep stanning ateez everyone <3

[reidyoulikeabook]

Right Where You Left Me

Ship: BAU! Gender Neutral! reader x Spencer Reid

#Request - Could you do some angst with “you dont deserve my forgiveness?” Any ship!

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: Mention of death, violence, injury (not serious), angst, mourning, a lot of tears. Also, swearing, anger, fighting (verbal, not physical.)

Summary: You and Spencer Reid had been together for a year before he ‘died.’ You grieved him. You mourned him.

A/N: Title stolen from my (current) favourite Taylor Swift song. Not sure how I feel about this one but! Here it is anyway! My requests are open & pls feel free to let me know what you think!!

14 days and 30 minutes exactly

You don’t think about the day Spencer Reid died. You can’t, because even remembering he’s dead feels as if an ice bucket has been tipped over your head. Not even now, two weeks later, have you really gotten over the initial shock that you felt. Every waking moment felt like you were trying to solve some kind of never-ending puzzle. Each emotion was overwhelming, too much to process. It felt like things would only start to get better, like everybody promised they would, when you started to be able to name the emotions rather than describe them as the physical sensations they brought on.

And you didn’t think that’d happen anytime soon.

The shared apartment was too much. You hadn’t slept in your bed since he’d been gone, and forbid anyone else from going into the bedroom. It was a sanctuary.

You understood now more than ever why victims families never changed a thing about the room of their loved ones. Every single thing felt deliberate. Theirs. It was a reflection of the time they were most alive, living. A unique snapshot of them in motion. The mess they left that they expected to come home to.

Rationally, you knew that wasn’t true. There wasn’t a sock hanging off Spencer’s bedside table, or a clean cardigan balled up on the floor, for any reason other than he’d been in a rush that morning, and had left an uncharacteristically large mess in his wake. In more ways than one.

***

2 months, 5 days, 8 hours

Being back at work helps somewhat, but the office feels empty without him there to ramble off factoids about anything and everything, to hear Morgan calling him ‘kid’ every five minutes. He only called you that now.

Simmons is nice, really he is. It isn’t his fault he’s there in place of Spencer and you try hard not to feel personally aggrieved by his presence. He doesn’t do anything to antagonise you, he stays out of your way more than anything. You don’t do anything to purposely make him uncomfortable: you do try to be agreeable and make small talk. But it’s hard not to look at him without thinking how, if everything was how it should be, Spencer would be stood in his place.

***

3 months, 26 days, 3 hours.

There is no ‘new normal.’ You’ve heard the term tossed around a few times in relation to grief, but if there is a new normal you’re still struggling to find it. When you’re not on cases, there’s no ‘normal’. You still don't sleep in your own bed. Sometimes you stay on Rossi’s, or Morgan’s, or Garcia’s couch. Sometimes, read: maybe once, it’s in the spare room at the place you and Spencer used to share. Sometimes, when you get worried about being a burden, it’s a hotel. It’s easier to feel as if you’re choosing to stay away from home, rather than acknowledging that home, as you understand it, no longer exists.

You still wake up and instinctually search for Spencer most mornings. Sure, work is keeping you occupied and you smile a little more these days. You even allowed yourself to be dragged out for drinks last weekend. But nothing feels like it should. You don’t know if that’s normal for grief or if you just aren’t moving forward at all, doomed to tread yourself deeper into the melancholic quicksand that’s got a hold on you.

You talk at length about it with Garcia over wine one night.

“Nothing feels right,” you admit, “Everything just feels...”

Garcia waits, just tipping her chin slightly to encourage you to continue. She’s got the counsellor act down and you’d have the decency to feel embarassed if you weren’t just so damn exhausted all the time.

“I feel trapped, I guess. Like I’m frozen. I keep thinking maybe it’ll get better once the trials over. Once the whole legal aspect of it is over and put to bed, then maybe I’ll have some closure on the whole situation,” you mumble, “I just don’t know how to move forward. I don’t feel like I’ve moved forward. And I know it’s only been three months but I’ve only stayed at our apartment twice and I can’t bring myself to move any of his things and...”

She just waits. In that moment, you’re so grateful for her.

“I’m stuck here. I can’t change anything. I can’t bring myself to move any of his things. I’m paying rent on a place I don’t live in but I can’t move because how can I live somewhere he’s never been? I feel like I’m stuck. I can’t move out of the world he lived in but the world is moving on even without him. And I’m just...I’m just here, Garcia.”

She nods sympathetically, placing her hand on your arm, “Maybe it’ll help when the case is wrapped up. When you have that closure.”

“Yeah,” you agree, “Yeah. I hope so.”

“There’s something you’re not saying,” she says, gently, “And you don’t have to say it. But if you’re holding back because you feel guilty then you don’t have to feel guilty about anything you say to me, my darling.”

You start to well up then. The pressure in your chest is heavy, something akin to guilt. It slices into your chest, cut glass sitting between your ribs and slicing you open every time you breathe in. You’ve been thinking it a lot lately. Too much. It’s making you feel awful and you can’t decide if putting it out into the world verbally is going to be a release or make it feel too real.

Garcia waits patiently.

You decide to believe it’ll be the former, then whisper, “I wish I loved him less. I wish I’d loved him less so this wouldn’t hurt as much.”

And then the sobs come. The sobs that wrack your chest and sting your eyes and leave you looking like you’ve been on the receiving end of an upper cut. Because how could you? How could you possibly want to take back any of the love you had so willingly, freely, given to the person you loved most? What kind of person did it make you to want to take back the good memories: to wish that instead of having waffles on the couch that last Sunday, you’d had a fight about the library fine he’d gotten because of you? How could you want to switch the puzzle pieces to create a less idyllic picture of your life together, just so you wouldn’t feel so much loss when you looked at it?

She just rubs your back through it, knowing that no words can help but still saying the thing she thinks you need to hear most, “That doesn’t make you a bad person, sugar plum. That makes you human.”

***

4 months, 6 days, 14 hours.

Hotch calls you all into the briefing room.

“A few months ago a decision had to be made. Somebody had the potential to make an incredible breakthrough on a case that had been airtight for years. But it wasn’t possible for that individual to complete that work without cover. They needed to be officially gone,” Hotch’s voice booms but you swear you can hear a hesitation, “It wasn’t necessary at the time for you to have that information. Providing you with it would have compromised the safety of one of our agents, and the integrity of their investigation.”

You glance around the room, confused, noticing everyone is sharing the same bewildered look. Except Emily.

“I apologise completely for having to keep this from you, it was a decision that was not taken lately, and I did not have the final say. That being said, any discontent about this decision should be directed towards me,” he glances towards Emily, and she’s looking nervous now.

Hotch lets out a huff, somehow more tense than usual, “SSA Reid was not killed after the attack in Seattle. That was his cover, but he was investigating a case.”

He’s still talking but you can’t hear anything. SSA Reid was not killed. SSA Reid was not killed. You flip the sentence over a hundred times. And for the millionth time since SSA Reid was killed, you have no idea what you feel.

There’s uproar from everybody. Shouting. And then Hotch says something and everybody is looking at you, scanning you for a reaction and you have nothing. Nothing at all.

“Hi,” a voice from the doorway, nervous and shy, a voice you’ve only heard in dreams and voicemails and recordings from nights out that you must have watched hundreds of times by now, if they were tapes you would have worn them out long ago.

And you know you can’t face him. You can’t face any of them.

You look around the room, first at Hotch whose eyes flicker with what looks like remorse. Then, at Emily who just looks guilty as all hell. You don’t look at him. You can’t look at him.

The tension in the room is palpable but in your peripheral you see Garcia and J.J flock to the doorway, embracing him.

Rossi, is the one who comes to you, “____?”

You stare at him, completely blankly, “Yeah?”

“You need to speak to him. Need to hear him out.”

“Yeah,” you murmur, allowing him to help you to your feet. His reassuring hands on your shoulders turn you around and you meet his face. The face of the boyfriend you spent the last four months mourning while everybody watched you fall apart. And half of them knew.

So that’s what you feel. Anger.

“Glad you’re back,” you snipe, pushing past him, “Glad you’re alive.”

Everybody watches you go. A tense silence fills the room. Spencer clears his throat, after what feels like an eternity, muttering, “I-I’ll go after ... I’ll go and see if I can...”

It wasn’t the reaction he was hoping for, if he’s honest. Although he wasn’t sure what exactly he’d been expecting.

“____ please, just let me talk to you, I’m sorry, please just let me have a chance to explain,” He manages to catch you at the elevator just in time, slipping through the gap with his lithe body, “Please. I need to explain. I need to apologise.”

“You can apologise as much as you want. You don’t deserve my forgiveness. You’ll never deserve my forgiveness.”

The venom in your tone leaves him floundering.

“___ please,” he’s begging, and you won’t look at him because you can hear the tears in his voice and he’s begging again, “Please, please look at me, please listen to me. You have to understand, you have to give me a chance to explain, please.”

You’ve never been this angry at him before. But you are now. It consumes you, you’ve never understood a crime of passion before and you’re not going to put your hands on him, of course, but fuck do you understand it now. How a person could just snap. The rage swells in you, screaming. Every muscle in your body is tense. It takes all you have to ball your hands into fists, digging your nails into your palm so hard you’re sure they break the skin. You’re furious. Furious at every single one of them.

“You lied to me,” you spit, “You lied to me and let me think you were dead. You and Hotch and Emily. I didn’t sleep in our bed for four months, Spencer. I’ve spent the past four months frozen, like, I couldn’t move forward without you. I didn’t start to move on. I've spent the last four months falling apart and trying to find a way to put myself back together without you, and then what, you just come back? You think we can just go back to normal? Spencer, I didn’t feel alive this past few months. I’ve been floating through, barely keeping it together. And for what? A case? That was important enough for you to do this to me?"

It’s true, you’ve spent the last four months feeling like you were the one who died. That you were united in being ghosts, except you were haunting all the places you used to go together, and he was just haunting your dreams. And he’d been alive. This. Whole. Time.

You storm out of the lift, lifting your head to look at him for only the second time in four months, “Please. Just leave me alone. You’ve done enough.”

He knows you aren’t wrong. Knows he doesn’t know if he could forgive you if the roles were reversed. Knows, more than anything, that he’s really fucked things up. You’ll never forgive him. That’s what you said, and right now, seeing anger like never before in your eyes, he has no reason whatsoever to doubt that isn’t completely true.

You don’t even make it to the parking lot before you feel your resolve melt into absolutely nothing. Anger descending into relief, hot tears cascading down your cheeks as the mantra starts again on a new loop in your head: SSA Reid was not killed.

[paradisecas]

was tagged by @ckneal and @hallowthyname for this lil thing thanks u guys :]

favorite color: green! or purple. also partial to maroon

currently reading: regretfully making my way through the latest warrior cat book ‘a light in the mist’ ig its been almost a year since it came out but i owe it to me of summer 2021 and also me of 2008 to actually finish it. i just dont remember everything from the other 5 books in this subseries so it’s a lot of head scratching and having to double check which clan each cat is from. all these new fangled characters smh.

last song: asking for by oh pep! song of all time frfr it makes me screaaaammm

last series: doctor who lol. im in season 10 in my never ending rewatch and the last 3 eps are so hard to get through because yes i will cry like a baby and the mondasian cybermen are genuinely terrifying and what is there after this? season 11? it’s not fair that chibs era comes after capaldis run aka the pinnacle of television. but i’ve been hopping around earlier stuff to put off making myself watch the next three seasons. who else is foaming at the mouth excited for 14 + rtd.

last movies: big hero 6! my roomies bf hadnt seen it before because he is ancient and honestly he didn’t react the correct way to how sad it is. but it was a nice family night we made arancini and pie :)

currently working on: eternally working on a wip for another fandom that is the reason i cant bring myself to do a multichap fic Ever Again, specifically stuck on one chapter that has been plaguing me for a year and a half. i would give anything to be done with it but i must persevere. but also a little boy scout adam ficlet and the ghosts au from midamoul week that i am totally overthinking to the point of incompletion but again. we persevere. also a myriad of dino au ficlets bc i started rly thinking about it again.

nine people is a lot and idk whoo has already done this but um @jumptheshark @heavensmostadorableangel @quicksilver-castiel @pussypopstiel @inochian @fandom-space-princess um and anyone who hasn’t been tagged!!