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#that was so much better than not having friends at all. i dont struggle too much with feeling like everyone hates me because there is
meateater-rabbit · 9 months
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(dont read the tags actually)
#vent#god this year has been so fucking hard man#and things have been so strained with my friend#and i love them so much. theyre my best friend. but at this point are they?#cause they just keep getting pissed at me over everything#and acting really weird#and theyve just. turned into this unendingly angry and negative person to the point i feel like i can barely talk to them anymore#they are so short tempered which i mean they always have been but just not with ME yknow#like they for ten years were always so kind to me and weve always gotten along well#until the last like year#and i know theyre in a bad place but jesus theyve made it so hard to even hold a conversation anymore#and i mean i think things will get better if they can get out of their current situation. i really think we can go back to normal but just.#not til then. cause they seem like the only coping mechanism they use is pure fucking anger#and now theyve started directing it at me and im just. getting tired.#i cant tell if they are purposely pushing me away or not. but thats whats happening either way.#and its awful bc i just feel like its all my fault. like im not good enough#im not helpful enough im too annoying im just. not good enough care about anymore#they make me feel like none of my problems are important anymore and like i shouldnt even mention it if im struggling#meanwhile all they do is vent and rant and im really really tired but i dont think i can say anything#im trying to open myself up to being social with people other than them again.#they used to be my best safe space but now they arent anymore#but im still going to be there for them the best i can cause they dont deserve to be abandoned when theyre struggling#but i just hope they can get in a better place and idk. realize theyre kinda being a dick all the time#ugh idk#dont read this shit i just need to get my thoughts straight idk.#i was scrollin when i started thinkin abt this thats the only reason im writin on here abt it#probably gonna delete it in an hour anyway#moon
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emulation-0 · 1 year
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im about to complain so hard about irl people u best believe it
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celestialmancer · 3 months
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⛈️ ❌ ❌ ❌ // 2:09 am, tbd ;
#this is a fucking vent so just gnore the venty ass tags but i have nowhere else to place this that feels safe other than just.#shouting into a void where no one hears. aka here ig.#bc its better i shout into a void alone than drag others down with me somehow—i dont. know#regardless… i’m just… i dont know what to think.#things are really bad lately & i’m struggling again to stop myself from sh utting down every time i try being vulnerable & opening up.#i keep clamming up & letting my mind take the reins when it tells me to just erase anything i say. to not open up.#to swallow every single emotion & experience that’s hurting me & let that poison kill me slowly instead. deal with it alone#because it feels like its wrong to open up. like its wrong to say anything. like me being open is just.#me being a fucking burden or something. i don’t know. i shouldn’t be like this. i’m supposed to be fucking better than t his.#what the fuck happened to the version of myself that could just keep suppressing & suppressing & not being a goddamn thorn in ppl’s sides.#esp bc all the things i’m having a difficult / painful time with is all fucking trigger heavy shit or things that i just don’t.#fucking know what to do with anymore because its not shit within my control.#a lot of it’s shit im still just processing that has hurt a lot & havingg to cope w that grief alone.#but then there’s also other circumtances too that are hard to navigate & my BPD having a field day w me in recent history too#i don’t know what the fuck is wrong w me at this point. & im scared & i can’t stand being fucking alone in this shit yet.#i feel like i have to. i have to. i have to. beccause this is my own issue & to dare express anything is me just. using ppl isn’t it.#that’s all it is right. & besides how many times has it been proven that ppl get sick of me for not being okay.#how many times have ppl walked away because they realize im just some fucking deadweight emotionally or something. id on’t fucking know.#am i spiraling? who fucking knows! maybe! because im fucking tired of what my life has been in general & im. overwhelmed.#overwhelmed by existence itself i fucking guess & what its meant for me overwhelmed by expectations overwhelmed by vulnerability thats just.#bleeding out through the fucking cracks of this fucking mess of a person i am.#& constantly fucking afraid that im just. too much. too much. too much for anyone.#too emotional in fucking general too intense too overwhelming for others regardless if its overwhelming them via pos or neg emotions.#afraid im going to get discarded afraid of what’s to come afraid in fucking general. fear & grief & pain & rage & hatred &.#desperation to feel anything other than this & desperation to feel loved thats got me having rly foul compulsions too#all my emotions feel like some kind of fuckihng hairtrigger & its hard to stop it in fucking general. i dont fucking know. & like i said it.#feels like shit to deal with completely alone. not bc i wanna deal with alone but bc i /have/ to bc if i dont then im just. a problem. or.#i dont know. im tired of everything tired of my emotions tired of this life tired of all that ive had to face up til this point & tired of.#fear & idk how to handle things alone anymore. my friends deserve better than this emotional burden i am to be around ig.#it feels so much like i have to apologize to those i befriend for being. well. this. for all of me & for being ‘too much’ in general.
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kruxton · 11 months
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fuck i might be on the au/dhd spectrum
rant in tags ok!!!!!!!!
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mrfoox · 2 years
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Uh. Gonna be honest. Idk how tf no one thought I could have dyslexia growing up. The older I get the more I wonder if I do...
#miranda talking shit#I have a friend who has it and i dony think i have... The same intensity as hers? But i know ive always struggled to spell#Like.... My native language have o and the letter å which sound pretty much the same#I mix up a lot words with those. Same with e and ä. This whole concept of 'seeing' what the right spelling is never clicked for me#I know i always had many spelling mistakes anytime i turned in any text and thats one reason i never got better than like E-D grades#My teachers did often comment like... Uh you have a lot of spelling mistakes. Did you really check? Like... Yeah actually :(#I have so many basically simple words in my native language i either spell wrong or genuinely google the right way to write it#I took extra spelling help things in 5th grade but like.... Obviously they didnt help and it came with me as i grew#Now im like.... I never considered it before ? But... It would explain ... Quite a bit#I always felt i struggled extra with learning new languages too. Like german and the spelling i never understood#English i think is my better ones but probably bc i use it daily since i was like 13... And English got less letters#Then again i still have many words i still cant get right. Hey idk. Maybe im just overthinking it and honestly i#Am not very read up on this and all. But i generally feel like all my peers were basically great at spelling and i was always ashamed#With reading i dont know... I mean with longer words i often need to read it many times and struggle to pronounce it#Heck idk how the criteria even is for this just... I guess an thing i thought about through recent years#If anyone have it or know stuff feel free to share with me i am genuinely interested
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sacharinee · 1 year
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pairing: bestfriend!peter parker x fem!reader
sypnosis: after peter misses his chance to ask you out to the homecoming dance, he has to suffer the consequences of his own actions
wc: 1200+
a/n: hiii!! i have the urge to write again bc im bored and i dont wanna do my summer course work. this prompt is based on this post and loosely based on that one scene in the movie ladybird when she gets picked up by her date. i wrote this super quickly so not the best but i hope u enjoy :)
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peter had it first. he had the idea, the flowers, the poster, your favorite chocolate strawberries all ready for you. until brad davis came in and stole everything. 
now he has nothing. he’s on your bed munching on the melty strawberries as he watches you get ready for the dance; you’ve asked for his help in choosing which dress you should go for. 
“okay how ‘bout this one, pete?” the boy glances up at you, mid-chew with his mouth open. 
his eyes snake over the outfit you’ve chosen. you do a swift twirl to show off the pretty soft blue satin dress that falls down to your mid-thigh with an open back. the skirt of your dress rides a bit high revealing a little too much. peter gulps, running his hands down his legs, immediately your sweet honey perfume floods his senses, his brain feels a little fuzzy, and he thinks the room gets smaller while his pants get a tiny bit tighter.
however, your eyes are what he takes in the most. you look eager, nervous about his approval, and hopeful for his admission.
his eyes widen as he gives you a soft nod and a pursed smile, “super pretty.”
you stare back at peter, his hair is flared, and you see chocolate smeared on his bottom lip. his posture looks defeated and you can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with him.
you give him a sour yet confused face, “why is your face like that?”
peter’s eyebrows furrow at your expression, “my face- why is my face like what?” 
“like…” you take a moment to think, “like- you look like that chef in that one movie with the rat, he’s got that same awkward funny looking face.”
peter barks out a laugh in disbelief, “alfredo linguini?? from ratatouille?!” “yea! that guy.” 
the boy in front of you offers you a pout and rubs his eyes, “thanks.”
“sure thing.” peter glazes over your seamless makeup when you take a seat next to him, “so, you’re really not coming? why not? it’ll be fun, plus all of our friends are going” you whine. 
peter kicks himself every day since you got asked out to homecoming by brad. he knows he should have made his proposal to you sooner, but now that he missed his chance, he feels like he’s lost you. 
“oh, so brad’s our friend now? and nah, it’s alright. i’m just gonna go patrolling tonight, might get some good action.” his eyebrows suggestively 
 you muster up a smirk and breathe out a laugh, “right. maybe you’ll find your own ‘cupid of crime’ that’ll show you a good time.” 
peter groans at you, “oh my god, margot robbie is so-”
honk!
“oh,” your ears perk up at the sudden interruption, “i guess that’s my date.” you quickly stand up and straighten your dress, taking nervous breaths. 
“i’m good right? my dress? face? hair?” your fingers run through your shiny locks, “its- i’m, i’m okay?”
peter has an indiscernible look plastered on his face as he gazes out the window and back at you. he’s shocked you’d settle for this, and even more appalled at you’re excitement to go with a douchebag who can’t even meet you at the front door. he knows you deserve better than this, and he knows he would treat you so much better with much less than your date. his stomach turns upside down and he feels his face get hot, breathing through his nostrils as he struggles to control his disbelief. he slowly stands up and meets your anxious expression peering up at him.
“you aren’t gonna get in a car with a guy who honks, are you?” 
it’s almost as if the entire atmosphere shifts. peter studies your appearance. your face shimmered sanguinely regardless, brighter than the glitter that sparkled atop your eyelids.
it was safe to say you were excited to go to the dance, even if your date wasn’t your first choice. you had been waiting endlessly for peter to ask you to homecoming. you were almost depressed at the thought thinking your crush didn’t like you back, but even more upset at the fact that your best friend didn’t even want to take you as his date, romantically or not. 
you remembered the feeling of delight swirling through your body as betty gushed about ned asking her to the dance, and mj agreeing to harry’s proposal. 
you only wanted the same for yourself. the same thrill and warm feeling of someone wanting to take you as their date. you wanted more than anything for it to be peter, but you figured he simply didn’t think of you like that as empty time and hopeless anticipation went by. so yes, you did settle for brad davis. he’s only ever been sweet to you, with harmless flirting and sultry smiles in the halls. plus you had a hunch about peter’s displeasing stance on the man, and presumed this may have tipped peter over just the right amount. 
you simply blink at his desperate eyes and nod, your adamant expression not wavering, “i think, yes, i am.”
you offer him a wistful smile when you brush past him, grabbing your purse on the way.
“y/n, stop.” peter’s finger’s wrap around your small wrist, your charm bracelet dangling against his hand.
“are you serious? what, the shithead can’t walk a few feet and knock on the door like a real man?”
“peter!” you snatch your wrist back and his hands rise.
you feel heat rushing up your neck and settling behind your ears. you had wanted a reaction out of peter when brad asked you out, yes, but the entitlement he has to mention about the manhood of brad angered you.
“i’m just saying,” he steps back from you, licking his dry lips while he chuckles back at you. “a guy who doesn’t have the balls to greet you at your doorstep isn’t worth falling for.” 
you scoff at him, he was so sweet and now he’s only taking his anger out on you. “well it’s a good thing that he’s just a friend then. what’s it to you anyways?”
peter disregards your last statement, “a friend?! y/n/n, listen to me. you’re being naive if you think he just wants to be your friend.”
another honk outside pierces your ears, yet you can’t seem to shake your stare on the boy before you. you narrow your eyes at him.
“you sound jealous.”
peter sputters nonsense out and breaks his eyesight away from you, nervously running his hands through his curls.
“jealous? me? pfft. never. i’m not jealous, i’m- i’m being absolutely reasonable.”
you keep your eyes on him as he looks down at the carpet floor. he sighs and drops down at your chair, scratching the wood on your desk. his head shakes and ever so softly murmurs, “seriously, why are you going out with him?”
peter continues to stare at the rotten wood he’s chipping, “brad asked me to be his date, so i’m going whether you like it or not. unless,” peter glances back up at you.
“there’s something you’re not telling me.”
hope bubbles down in your stomach, and you anticipate his confession, waiting to hear the words of his true feelings that you know for certain are deep down inside him.
except, he doesn’t.
the boy only blankly stares at your desk, clenching his jaw, and drowns everything inside, letting you down yet another time. you turn away, disappointed in peter, ready to leave him alone for all the false hope and hurt he has caused you. 
“right, well, when your balls finally drop, let me know. i’ll be at the dance with my date.” 
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revehae · 6 months
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tw // noncon. yes its rape dont ask me no stupid fucking questions
yesterday (over a month ago technically) i couldn’t stop thinking about apologetic rapist haechan like ugghhhhhhhhhh
walk with me. this is a man you trust to have in your home, spending time watching movies and playing video games together in between your stressful lives… you’ve confided in each other about all of your problems, big or small, and chat about everything under the sun. you give him advice that he doesn’t listen to, then has the audacity to complain afterwards. he’s got a spare key to your place and you’ve got one to his, and all your boyfriends over the years feel like they have to compete with him, but the thought is ridiculous to you. compete with haechan romantically? it’s laughable. sure the guy has seen you half naked, but it’s not like that, you’re comfortable, you’ve never seen him ogle you or heard him make some unsolicited comment about your body that even strangers have made… why would anyone have to compete with haechan? he’s your best friend, nothing more, nothing less.
you’re not sure how you could’ve been so wrong. the way you see it, the haechan you thought you knew wouldn’t take advantage of how comfortable you feel around him, the fact that you let him share a bed with you every now and then. it’s not necessarily strange for his hands to wander around you, he’s clingy and unconsciously does it in his sleep, but it is strange for them to be so firm at your hips, nails digging into your skin, sounds that aren’t soft snores falling from his whiny lips.
confusion dwindles. betrayal stings your eyes. haechan sees it, too. he lifts his head up, tosses the hair out his face, and meets your eyes. there’s no arrogant shimmer to his eyes or smug smile to his face; the opposite. there’s shame and guilt and sadness, you want to think, and he beats you to a word, uttering, “i’m sorry…”
but he’s not sorry enough to stop. not even when you struggle against him, trying to wrestle your way out of his arms. you and haechan would play fight all the time, but you never realized just how strong he really was until you try to wrestle out of his arms and he pins your arms in place, whispering, “please. i don’t want to hurt you.”
but he would if he felt he had to. you’re in disbelief, the ugliest feeling festering inside your chest as it tightens so hard you can hardly breathe. when you beg him to stop, he says, “i can’t.” because you feel so much better than he’s ever imagined, and he’s imagined it a lot, and he just “can’t resist” himself. his eyes are misty, out of pleasure or out of shame, but either way, he needs to do this. he has to.
he can’t look you in your eyes. he can’t look at your face at all, really. he knows what he’ll see, the tears pouring from your eyes that gleam with a fierce blend of betrayal and despair and ire and disbelief. haechan doesn’t want to see you that way. having to hear your sniffles, knowing it’s all his fault, is bad enough. but in spite of the pangs of guilt that really do tear at his chest, he’s still in the middle of you, holding you in place, using your body for his own relief. so he just keeps his clasp on your hips, squeezing his eyes closed, and mutters, “i’m sorry…,” over and over and over again, hoping it’s enough. hoping that you’ll bring yourself to forgive him.
it’s not like it’s long before it’s over. haechan’s not proud of it but you’re all he’s been able to think about and it’s not like he’s ever hit a pussy raw before, if ever. you feel so filthy when he pulls out of you - his cum gushing out of your hole - and so broken. haechan says he’ll help you clean, but you’re rushing over to the bathroom and locking yourself inside before he has a chance to do anything. he hurriedly pulls on his pants and spends a long ten minutes knocking on the door, trying to get you to open it even after you scream at him to leave you alone, but he can hear the shower running from the other side. and he decides to leave you alone for now.
haechan tries to make it up to you, he really does. he doesn’t want you to hate him. you have to understand. your body was calling to him, enticing him, and he tried so hard but he couldn’t control it anymore. he’s gone when you return from a really, really long shower that you took in hopes of feeling less dirty, but to no avail. every bit of relief you feel at his absence, which isn’t much considering that pieces of him linger everywhere - on your sheets and in your aching bones and everywhere in between - fades when you hear the front door click open and he returns with your favorite takeout in hand. it’s his way of showing you that he’s still your best friend, that he still knows and loves you, that he’s sorry.
you’re not hungry. you have no appetite after that. haechan tries to get you to eat, but the second he comes near you, you flinch away from him. you never thought the day would come, but you are scared of him. he’s not the haechan you thought he was, no matter how hard he tries to convince you that he still is. you beg him to go, to leave you alone, but he doesn’t listen. he never does.
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livinahey · 10 months
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aaaaaastrobs-essions (jk) .・゜゜・
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i'm back :)
.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・»»————>
if you struggling with low self esteem go to fire sun/earth mars/venus in angles (1h/4h/7h/10). They will cheer you up and remind you that you deserve fine things in life 💅✨🧚‍♀️ just dont fake your insecurities to them or theyll disgusted by you
speak of self esteem, someone that have their asteroid medusa (149) in your 2nd are the one that silently judge and mock you. the one that try to attack your self esteem. the one that underestimate you; and will start to think "whats cool about them?" if you get great achievement in life. EVEN think that you dont deserve that and it should be them because they think theyre way much better than you 😹😹 what a bitch. beware of them try to steal your great things as a result ‼️😒👹💥💥
asteroid nemesis (128) in house shows ab whats hurt you then you develop animosity/hatred to it, check the theme of the house
1h - hatred towards self identity, hatred towards how people see you, you can hate your looks :(
2h - hatred towards possessions. You may lacks of material possessions, feel less than others in that area and you hate it
3h - hatred towards sibling, neighbor
4h - hatred towards family
5h - hatred towards "spotlight", flings, drama, childlike spirit
6h - hatred towards coworker, health (you may feel youre less healthy than others)
7h - hatred towards partner (✋💀💀), partnership itself. you likely wanna do everything alone
8h - hatred towards mystery. you hate it when someone hides something from you, not clear ab something, keeping something from you, being secretive
9h - hatred towards um.... tw religions. sorry you probably hate particular beliefs. hatred towards travelling, inlaws are also possible
10h - hatred towards public image, fame. you can hate public figures, famous person 😹😹 (im laughing because yeah we all know public figure often are not what they show on the media aka theyre fake)
11h - hatred towards friend, hatred towards what you see on internet. can be indicator of someone that dont like to use social media, or you give hate speech/comments on social media
12h - hatred towards whats "out of reach"
cardinal moons are pure souls that surrounded by "darkness". they can easily influenced by negativity from their surrounding so they MUST, i say MUST to keep good ppl around them or....bye (aka they can turn themselves into the evil)
what's with sag venus and having interest in things that they shouldnt be interested to
taurus women have this fiery strong badass facade to them, while the men looks like cute puppy (and wise???) lmao (for sun moon mars)
mutable mercury in first decan (0°-9°) why are you like to lie for no reason. are prone to say what they dont really mean. go seek better hobbies!
some of leo sun men are gay but they hide it by having love relationship with women... that's very weird (and irritating) of you
undeveloped earth venus only falls for/want to dating popular goodlooking mf even if in personality wise theyre not that best and it can leads to unfulfilling relationship 💁‍♀️
talk ab earth venus, i see them always fall for fixed sign venus (no im not referring them fixed venus as bad one that i mentioned above)
developed earth venus? they dont need to be with someone to increase their status, they simply being the (true) great person they are 🤩 (they know how to and do get the good life by themselves!!)
what i like ab fire moon is theyre so passionate but sometimes it can be too passionate where it leads to them making unnecessary drama 😭😭
water suns are prone to being delusional 😹😹
air venus stop giving mixed signals
i cant help but think ab where sagittarius in your chart shows what's "wild", "crazy" about you. thats why pluto in sag generations being seen as scary bcs the power (pluto rules ab power) they have.... 😹😹
moon-neptune aspects 🤝 say something then regret it
libra big 6 placements 🤝 attract petty ppl (and then get attacked, being seen as bad one when they just want to defend/protect themselves :()
undeveloped fixed moon 🤝 being petty
pluto in earth house (2h/6h/10h) are the brat but loved lmao
aqua mars 🤝 makes ppl amazed
air sign jupiter give the vibes of unstoppable teenagers (in a good way). see blackpink lisa (aqua jupiter), nct jaemin (gemini jupiter), newjeans hanni (libra jupiter), or another air sign jupiter you know! 😉
saturn-sun aspect are prone to experience unexpected loss :(
there's nothing more i hate in synastry than squaring to venus aspect... bc i feel unwanted there 🧍‍♀️🪓
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iznyangwoni · 2 months
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EASY TO LOVE | chapter eight!
warnings: VERY suggestive, kind of smut but not really? mentions of being drunk
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You dont even know what time it is when you’re so drunk you can barely hold yourself up. Wonyoung is the most sober one, and by most sober you mean that she can’t really walk straight, but she has enough strength to pull Moka off the floor. You girls are giggling like maniacs, and by this point you cant even remember why you started laughing.
You press your back on the wall, watching as Wonyoung struggles to help your other friend. You would help too if your head wasnt spinning so much. So you stand there, looking around. Nicholas is fast asleep on the couch, meanwhile Jay and Sunghoon are nowhere to be found. Jungwon is on the platform, talking with his friends.
Your eyes rest on him for a few more seconds, just a few.. His blazer was somehow even more open now, you could see the line of his chest, even his abs. You take a deep breath, thinking about the way his hand was touching your thigh not too long ago. The way his lips were whispering in your ear, your leg on his. Fuck.
Without even realizing you’re already walking towards him, your hand on his shoulder and he immediately turns to look at you. “Hey pretty. Feeling tired?” You look at his friends, at it takes them a quick glance to understand that they need to go, leaving you and Jungwon alone. “Worse..”
You say softly, your hand slowly coming down to his arm. You still dont get too close to him, you can see the lower floor by the inside platform, but that means that people from there can see you too. Your eyes once again fall to his chest and he lets out a quiet chuckle, your hand moves on its own, touching his necklace before going just a bit down on his chest.
“I thought you weren’t interested in sleeping with me?” You raise your head to glance at him, your hand not moving from that place. “I wasn’t looking for it… but if the right time comes…” “is this the right time?” “is it not?” Jungwon has to beg his whole body to not just lean in and kiss you as if its the only thing he wanted. The way you’re looking at him, its driving him mad.
“Follow me.” You say, and he just nods, following you wherever you want, the only thing on his mind being how your lips would taste on his, how your soft skin would feel under his big hands, how much he needed to be inside you. He groans when you close the door of a random room, the lighting is so dark and blue, he could see you perfectly, but it was good enough to get him in the mood.
He doesnt think twice before pushing your back towards the wall, his body so close to yours, his hands on your waist, slowly going up and down to caress your sides. “You’ve been playing with me for days..” He whispers, biting your ear as he starts giving open mouthed kisses to your neck, you close your eyes, letting him do whatever he wants with you.
“Do you think its fair?” He bites your skin, his hands gripping even more on your hips, meanwhile yours unbutton his blazer completely. “Telling me not to get hard while you look like this..” His jacket falls on the floor with a loud thud, you open your eyes only to look at him, your hands going all around his upper body, his broad shoulders, toned chest, muscled arms.
You cant help but whine when he grabs your ass, you didnt think he could make you get so wet only by these touches. “You better shut that mouth and just kiss me before i go insane.” You dont even have to finish the sentence for his lips to be on yours, they taste even better than you would’ve thought, he’s not too rough, but he still gives you the feeling that he wants to devour you.
Your hands go between his hair, fingers wrapping with his locks as you bring him down to kiss you better, his tongue interlocking with yours, pants and groans leaving both of your mouths. You make out for a while, until your hear the announcement that the club is about to close. Fuck, is it already so late?
Jungwon pulls out of your lips, a string of saliva still keeping you attached. “Should we..?” “No.” You dont want to stop, you still have thirty minutes, you know you can make the best out of them. “We.. still got time..” You breathe out, your lips attacking his neck and chest, your hands going to his pants. He moans, and god, you didnt believe he could be so loud, but you have to admit its only turning you on even more.
The announcement goes on again and he stops your hands, you whine, too drunk to really understand how risky this is. He kisses your cheek before taking a step back. “I guess it wasnt the right time, pretty.” You watch him as he takes his blazer from the floor and puts it on, you pout, biting your bottom lip nervously.
He buttons up only one of the buttons and you pout even more, how can he be so hot even after rejecting you so casually? He takes your hand in his and brings you out of the room, your boots have been hurting like hell for hours now, you can barely walk down the stairs.
You finally reach your friends, who are standing in the parking lot, trying to figure out who should drive and who shouldn’t. “There you are!” Wonyoung pinches your cheek, and you close your eyes, too drunk and tired to even complain. “Y/n are you okay? You sure you can go home like that?” She then asks, holding your face in her hands, you just mumble.
Honestly, no. You cant go home like this, if the cameras were to catch you all stumbling around your house you’d be done for, and no other people can enter after midnight, so going back is not an option. “Its fine, she can stay with me.” Jungwon is the one to speak and you raise your head to look at him, only to then rest your forehead on his shoulder.
“Yeah, no she wont.” “Sunghoon-“ “We don’t know him!” You’ve never seen Sunghoon so mad. You know he cares for you a lot, but he never really acted like this. “I’ll go with Jungwon.” You manage to say, the latter puts his arm around your waist, not wanting you to fall by any chances.
Sunghoon is about to say something but Wonyoung, whos the only other one able to actually think, speaks. “It is better for her to go with him, Hoon your parents are still home and you dont want to repeat what happened to her last year, do you?” At that point the older guy just stays silent, the answer being obvious.
Wonyoung then looks at Jungwon with the coldest glance she can provide, her hands on your head. “I’ll tell her brother she’s sleeping at my house. You better not touch her, understood?” “Who do you guys take me for? I’m not touching her when she’s so drunk.” You pout even more, damn you really had hope for something to happen.
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TAGLIST @unhakki @firstclassjaylee @en-verse @mxxninthesky @seunghancore @erenmyman @jiamini @yoonzns @wonswondrland @50-husbands @leaderwonim @aloloveswonie @f3rraribabez @jwonistic @ribbioniki @kyanmeai @ilovejungwonandhaechan @nat123c @yjwsgf
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h3arts4harry · 1 month
Text
- privilege -
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- one - two -
based on 'privilege' by the weeknd
warnings: UNRESOLVED ANGST, drugs, death, arguing, toxic friends
chris sturniolo x reader
-
"y/n i cant do this anymore, ive tried i really have but you-" chris backs away from me, struggling to find the words. "chris please, ill get better i-ill cut them all off, i please chris ill do anything" i step forward, tears stream down my face, he backs away again, "chris p-lease" my voice breaks, he shakes his head with swallowing shaking away the tears so desperate to fall "im sorry y/n, i really hate to do this but we're done." i drop to my knees sobbing, my head falling into my hands, chris has to fight himself to not comfort me so he turns to walk out the front door, "fine! LEAVE! ENJOY YOUR PRIVILEGED LIFE! SEE IF I CARE!" i yell, we both know i dont mean it.
chris checks his phone to see if y/n has messaged him but hes heard nothing since that night, not that he wants to hear that shes suffering, hes suffering too. he loved her more than anything in the world but he couldn't stand to see her destroy herself anymore, he tried helping her but she would just brush it off or argue with him.
the breakup hit me hard. i didn't fully realise it yet but it did. i got closer with my new, so called, 'friends' we would do any drugs we could get ahold f and drink til we physically couldnt take it in anymore almost everyday. i called up our dealer james, "sup y/n how you doing?" "i urm, good, i was just calling to see if you had anything on you?" "yea i just picked up some new shit, can see you in like an hour maybe?" "yea sounds good thanks" "aight ill hit you up when im there" "mhm bye" and with that i hang up placing my phone on my nightstand, laying on my back staring at the ceiling, waiting for the time to go past.
"thanks james" i say taking the bag from him "yea no problem, i'erd about your fella, these should be able to help take the blues away" he smirks leaning against my door frame, i nod examining the familiar bag. "imma head out, be safe now. or dont. up to you" he shrugs walking over to his car. i shut the door and head to the kitchen, laying the red pills on the counter before looking for something to crush them with. i pick up my credit card and cut it into lines, rolling up a dollar, then slowly snorting the powder hoping itll make me feel as good as it used to. its never as good as the last.
"just get in the car. you love parties itll be fun trust me" kayla says from the passenger seat, "ugh fine let me just get changed, ill be five minutes" i cave in, turning back into to house, i walk into my bedroom picking up a small black dress off my desk chair swiftly pulling it on, its looser than it used to be but i dont have time to look for another. i slip on black heels to match, running out the car where kayla, james, Allison, and tyler are waiting for me. "finally lets go" Allison says from next to me.
the next goes fast, i dont remember how many drinks ive had. i pull out my phone and dial chris's number while stumbling out into the backyard. "hello?" "c-chris?" "what do you want y/n?" "i-i miss you…chris?" "hm?" "do you miss me too?" "y/n.." "please chris i- i just need- i need to know" my voice breaks, i didnt realise im full blown sobbing into the phone until now"i cant do this. not to me. not to you. y/n please go get help"' "i cant chris! they dont care about me! they dont care about me or anyone but themselves! all i am to them is someone to drink with, smoke with, snort fuck knows what with! i-i cant do it anymore its to much.. they said our love was just a game but- but i dont care, i cant do this without you chris" i can hear his shaky breaths down the phone "y/n.. i tried to help you, for months i tried but you always went back. it hurts to much, i- i need to go" "chris wait please- just let me see you" "no y/n. i dont wanna hear about you suffering anymore. i- i cant." "NO NO PLEASE CHRIS NO WAI-" the small beeps were deafening.
"i know i said i didn't want to hear about you suffering but now if i could go back, i would've said that i couldn't hear you suffer anymore, it was so hard to see you destroy yourself, i thought that if i left you would've got help but i realise now that i shouldve helped you, i should've tried harder, should've forced you-" "but instead im stood here, talking to a headstone- shit." tears fall down his face as he sat kneeling at your grave.
you overdosed that night. you had been found laying there on the cold wet grass of a strangers house, drowning in your tears. because of him.
as much as his brothers constantly reassured him that it wasn't his fault it wasn't enough. chris couldn't feel anything but guilty, as if he had taken her life with his own hands. in his eyes he kind of did, it haunted him that he could've changed the outcome.
-
my first request! thank you for sending it in🫶🫶
ive never actually listened to this song before but i had it on repeat while righting this so i hope it meets your expectations lol
as always feedback is appreciated <333
THANK YOU FOR READING
LOVE YOU POOKIES
taglist:
@m0r94n @sturnzsblog @junnniiieee07 @chrisgetsmewetterxo @raysmayhem-72 @sturniolo-slvt @mattspolitank @cerismo
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marnikula · 5 months
Note
Can u do early seasons spencer x reader who has a lot of problems and they let people walk all over them and they dont set boundaries and they struggle with their emotions. Reader likes spencer a lot but doesn't seek him out bc they feel like he deserves better! And u can decide what happens but make it happy ending :)
Oh my word, I literally spent like 2 hours writing this because I wrote something and then my internet cut out when I posted and now it's lost, so I had to rewrite it. Hope you enjoy!
Cw: gn reader, people dumping work on reader, Spencer being cute
Enjoy!
You were a doormat. You knew it, your friends knew it, everyone knew it. You tried to set boundaries, to say no, but it never seemed to stick. Saying no made you feel guilty, it made you feel like a bad person even though you knew you weren't.
Being a doormat, people tended to walk all over you, requesting ridiculous things of you. That is how it came to be that you were sitting alone in the bullpen, the clock ticking away, showing you that it was around midnight and you still had a whole stack of papers to go through. You felt yourself about to fall asleep, and truly, you were too tired to fight it off when a ding signaled the arrival of someone.
Without even turning to look who it was you knew it was Spencer Reid. You recognized his footsteps, and even if you didn't, the smell he brought with him would have alerted you. It was the smell of coffee mixed sweet undertones, almost as if he had spent his whole day in a café. It was intoxicating. "What are you still doing here?" "Working, I have a lot of stuff to finish before tomorrow" "you mean today" looking back at the clock you could see he was right, it was now officially the next day.
"Do you need some help?" without even waiting for you to decline Spencer took half of the pile you were working on. He moved fast, knowing you well enough to know that you hated asking for help, especially from him, he just could never figure out why.
"Spencer, you really don't need to, I've got this" reaching your hands to take the files back only to be swatted away by the doctor was something you did not expect. "I'm not saying you don't have it, I'm just going to help you so you can go home earlier"
Sighing you admitted defeat and went to go make coffee for the two of you. With Spencer's help you managed to make it through the massive stack of papers on your desk in less that an hour, something you would never have been able to do on your own.
"You, doctor Spencer Reid, are amazing, what can I do to thank you?" it was a slight tease on your part. You didn't expect him to ask you anything return, it wasn't like him, he was too nice . That was one of the things you loved about him, and one of the reasons you willed the crush growing in your heart to shrivel up and die. He deserved so much better than you. Someone with a mind as amazing as his own, someone with kindness rivaling his and someone who knew how to say no. You were none of those. At least not in your own eyes.
"You could go on a date with me" Spencer surprised himself with those words, he really hadn't meant to say them out loud, but he really liked you, and in a moment of confidence inspired by sleep deprevation, he decided to take a chance.
"Really? You mean it?" the both of you were blushing hard at this point, him thinking about how he could have possibly screwed this up and you thinking about how this could possibly get any better.
"I-I mean, only if you want to, you really don't have to feel pressured, I know I said I would take it as paiment, but honestly spending time with you was enough of a payme-" grabbing his face in your hands you turned him to look at you, shutting off his ramblings with the movement and shutting off his brain with your words
"I would love to"
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bugboybuck · 1 month
Text
i dont have time to write something proper for day one of @bucktommypositivityweek but i wanted to share a lil drabble/ramble anyway in the spirit of things, so: what tommy loves about buck
tommy grew up in a stiflingly oppressive environment, a household full of anger and coldness. he lived in fear about who he was, what he wanted. he was threatened by his father, his army COs, gerrard, and his survival response was to hide himself away, lock up parts of himself, bury the things he could get hurt for.
his first thought upon getting to know evan wasn't 'wow, here's a perfectly adjusted guy who hasn't had any struggles.' frankly, between his adorably awkward jokes, casually mentioning getting struck by lightning, and trying to kill his best friend with mind lasers over tommys attention, evan seemed like a bit of a hot mess.
but what drew tommy to him so strongly was seeing someone who'd clearly had a lot of weird, difficult life experiences still be like - that. bouncing around on his feet with energy when tommy showed him around the hangar, making dumb jokes, throwing himself headfirst into a basketball game he didn't even like. bringing a brand new date to his sisters wedding. folding tommy into his family nearly immediately, every one of his actions screaming I'm serious about this; no reservations, no holding back.
it only got worse - better - as they got to know each other. it felt like every date they went on, evan dropped some insane piece of lore from his life. his injuries on the job, his disastrous track record with romance, the wild travels he'd been on while finding himself. not too long into knowing each other, the whole thing about his brother, and his parents, and his sister - which explained a lot of the abandonment issues tommy could have seen from space.
and whenever he says something like that, tommys first thought usually isn't marvelling at how ridiculously unlucky Evans life has been. it's how amazing he finds it that evan is still open and happy and throws himself into everything he does head-first, like he's trying to trust the universe to, this time, not let him down.
tommy knows evan isn't all sunshine and roses. he gets downright snippy when he has a to-do list, is more than a bit neurotic, over-anxious about pointless things when tommy's more a 'go with the flow' kind of guy (a 'sure I'll fly into a hurricane for an old friend' kind of guy, a 'I've come out the other side of the shittiest time of my life already, so what have I got to lose?' kind of guy). but evan is - so open. even when he's being annoying, he doesn't try to reign it in. his brain is like a steel trap for facts, he's far from dumb, but when he doesn't know something, he openly and instantly admits it. he's free with hugs and affection but also with a bitchy comment if someone deserves it. he over-shares with no shame. he over-everythings, really. he's so much. and tommy has spent most of his life with not-enough. depriving himself; being deprived. he wants to gorge himself on evans too-much-ness
tommy feels like evan lives his life wide open. and he knows evan has been hurt a lot, for it. but for tommy, who spent thirty years stuffed into a cramped closet space - who felt claustrophobic, trapped, like he couldn't see the sky - Evans openness gives him the same feeling as flying. awe.
so that's what tommy loves most about him. the fact that he's a badass and a blowjob savant who cooks and is built like a sexy brick wall are all just bonuses.
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initforthelolzz · 1 year
Text
No one does queer representation quite like One Piece.
Allow me to explain in great detail.
I’m going to talk about the queer rep in Impel Down, and you’d best buckle up cause it’s rant time.
Impel Down is one of my favorite arcs because I love the story line, it’s downright hilarious, and Luffy’s struggle to rescue Ace is incredibly compelling.
But there is another reason why I love Impel Down so much, and that’s the queer rep that utterly knocked me off my feet.
Now, I’ve come to accept that queer representation in anime (not touching on any other media in this rant) is generally nonexistent or extremely rare… if you’re watching anything other than a BL.
On the rare occasion that we do find some LGBT rep it is usually extremely subtle, and shown exclusively in convoluted subtext and minuscule details that are easily overlooked. While this representation is so incredibly meaningful to everyone who’s able to pick it out, the subtly makes it all the more easy for homophobes to argue that it was never in the first place.
Keeping all this in mind, I finally picked up One Piece several months ago after refusing to watch it for a long-assed time (It was too long and I thought the art style was weird. Dear god have I eaten my words.) I’d heard on social media that One Piece was big on trans representation, but I wasn’t prepared at ALL for what I’d find in that department.
I had NOT expected to find One Piece’s treasure trove of LGBT characters in Impel Down of all pleases, and the shock factor made it so much better.
The arc had already been chaotic as fucking hell by the time Luffy reunited with Bon Clay, and their reunion made me tear up. Like dude!
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I hadn’t been particularly attached to Bon Clay before but THIS ^ was it. This scene right here, he wormed his way into my heart istfg.
Can we appreciate this scene please?! The sparkles in the background?? The leg lifting?! The REUNION HUG?!?! I love this so dearly not just because it’s fucking ADORABLE but because of what it *says.*
Bon Clay is an outwardly queer character, and Luffy absolutely adores him. Those two are best friends and we treat queer people with respect and they are good people. We can be friends with them and allies with them and they aren’t something to shy away from just because they’re different.
Be fucking for real. The representation is so positive, and it never ceases to blow me away.
If you thought that this representation was enough YOU WERE WRONG because this BARELY SCRATCHED THE SURFACE.
Iva. Emperio Ivankov. The Queen of the Queers. He is a gender fluid ICON and a literal drag queen. His special attack is a wink that blows shit up. His Devil Fruit ability is quite literally hormone therapy.
Do I need to say more?
THATS RIGHT, I FUCKING DONT
Now, this is One Piece we’re talking about, so naturally characters are going to be wildly exaggerated but ARE YOU KIDDING
IVA’S ABILITY IS HORMONE THERAPY. HE CHANGES PEOPLE’S GENDER AS AN ATTACK. HIS POWER WORKS THROUGH SYRINGE NEEDLES THAT POP OUT FROM UNDER HIS ACRYLIC NAILS.
I love Iva so fucking much words cannot describe 😭
Oda didn’t just say “look, I made a queer character” he really said “fuck it, nuclear option it is.” It is literally impossible to ignore the fact that Iva is LGBT, and One Piece’s queer rep is SO IN YOUR FACE, especially in Impel Down. It’s impossible to ignore, which is the stark opposite from the usual business with “implied” queer characters in anime.
Implied? HAH.
There is a kingdom of gay people living INSIDE THE WALLS of the biggest prison in the world. They are led by a gender fluid drag queen and run a strip club bar in the middle of a fucking prison, where they drag new gays through the cracks in the walls to join them.
Dude.
I love One Piece so much.
All joking aside, the introduction of Iva and his kingdom of gays drove me to tears. Like deadass. The representation literally drove me to tears, I was sobbing.
Why? Because it was so positive.
Do you know how meaningful that is?
It made me fucking cry, man.
Iva’s speech introducing his gay kingdom, like goddamn. I can’t even remember exactly what he said because I was crying the whole time.
“We’re here and we’re queer.” That’s a quote from fucking One Piece, dude. I can’t, I can’t.
It wasn’t just the introduction of Iva’s kingdom or the LITERAL LESBIAN COUPLE SITTING AT THE BAR, it was the way the sense of community was presented.
We’re called the LGBTQ Community and I don’t know if Oda’s a member or not but HOT damn if he doesn’t know what it means to be a part of it.
I’m talking about the Luffy situation. He fought the Warden and got his ass handed to him. He was poisoned to all hell and about to die at 17 but Bon picked him up and carried him to Iva’s Kingdom. He’s wanted to meet Iva his whole life but by the time he did he was more worried about Luffy’s condition than anything else.
And then we find out that Luffy had insisted that Bon get medical treatment before he did. What a guy. When Iva got Luffy, he said that it was a lost cause to try and overcome the poison. But he was willing to give it a try anyway.
Let’s discuss.
Iva injected Luffy with hormones to help him beat the poison. Luffy underwent hormone therapy. (I will cling to this tidbit of information forever, YOU CANT TAKE IT FROM ME.) When Bon woke up, he demanded to see Luffy.
Iva warned him about what he would find, but brought Bon to Luffy at his request. When Bon found Luffy, he found his friend chained up and screaming in excruciating pain. We didn’t see Luffy in full at all during this time, but when Bon looked through the door he was horrified.
He got defensive. He started yelling at Iva, saying that the person inside that room was not the Luffy he knew.
Iva was firm, and told Bon that Luffy was going through a tough challenge, and he would be different afterwards, but he was still the same Luffy.
Do you see it? Can you read between the lines? This exchange made me sob all over again. Why? I urge you to think about it, to see the underlying message here.
Bon broke down into tears, realizing that Luffy was fighting for his life. He apologized and took back his harsh words.
Then he spent hours outside Luffy’s cell, screaming till his throat was raw and cheering him on. He couldn’t do anything to help Luffy, Luffy was fighting this battle on his own. But he could be there for him.
I ask you again, do you see it?
As the hours passed, others in Iva’s kingdom trickled out to see what Bon was doing. They told him to stop screaming, that it was useless. They mocked him, told him he was being a fool.
Then Iva stood up for him, and told them to see Bon for what he was doing. He couldn’t help Luffy, but he could cheer him on. He could be there for him.
Within moments, the entire kingdom was outside Luffy’s cell. Cheering him on. Encouraging him. Supporting him. They didn’t know who he was but they saw him fighting and immediately backed him up.
It isn’t just representation, merely the presence of a queer character or even an entire kingdom of gays that makes it meaningful. It’s how those characters are shown, how they behave.
Oda could have thrown in a queer character here and there and left it at that, but he went out of his way to show the incredible support system that this community provided. They jumped to Luffy’s aid. They were so supportive and cheered him on until he beat the poison. They fought alongside him… and you know what else?
When Luffy woke up, he accepted them in a heartbeat. He didn’t question anything, just saw a bunch of people and thought “huh. New friends!”
Oda’s representation is exaggerated as much as it is painstakingly accurate in nature and positive to a tee. Obviously it isn’t perfect. Iva and the squad were still mocked, called “freaks” and “weirdos.”
But it’s about Luffy. How Luffy behaves. How Luffy reacts. Even in the face of how the rest of society views Iva and his kingdom, Luffy sees them as friends and allies and doesn’t give a singular shit if they’re gay or not.
Luffy accepts everyone, and he doesn’t draw the line at queer people. The aroace king himself. You heard it here, Luffy is the ultimate ally.
Of course I’m not even scraping the surface on this topic and Oda’s representation is in no way perfect, but Impel Down remains the greatest example of queer rep that I’ve seen this far.
You gotta give credit where credit is due ✨
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razcina · 6 months
Text
i’ll be there // Ch. 1
sam carpenter x fem!reader - masterlist
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Samantha Carpenter struggles with her new life in NYC, not having much of a purpose other than to be the protector of her friends and family, and to attend therapy for feeling like an absolute psychopath and having the whole word view her as such. With all of her vices, will Sam be able to open her heart and let someone in?
wordcount: 2300
!! not proof-read, will edit. english isnt my first language haha
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Sam had hoped moving to New York in an attempt to escape the trauma Woodsburo had brought, and so Tara and her friends could pursue their education would have lessened the constant paranoia and hateful looks she received, but if anything it only worsened.
News of the Woodsburo murders, and of Samantha Carpenter’s relations to the infamous Billy Loomis had spread all throughout the country, including stories of how the proclaimed “final girl” was the reason for the murders in the first place, and how she must carry the evil spirit of her father. Despite the constant speculation and sick rumors, Sam didn’t let any of it affect her.. atleast not publicly.
Afterall, the older Carpenter was preoccupied with keeping her younger sister, Tara safe, Something Tara personally hated. She understood Sams intentions, especially given the horrors they went through together back home, but all she wanted was freedom from all of this mess, and stubborn as ever, Tara would pull away from her sisters grasps whenever she could.
This once again led to Sam standing against the wall of some fraternity party swigging a bottle. Her eyes scanning the crowds of drunk college kids making sure Tara, aswell as her friends, Mindy, Chad, and Anika, weren’t making any stupid decisions. She’s incredibly focused, and any normal person would see her scowl and defensive stance and make the smart decision to back away. It’s what Sam expects, not opposed in the slightest as shes never been much of a social person. Thus, when she catches glimpse of a figure slip around her out of the corner of her eye, she startles, nearly dropping her drink.
Sam stands tall at around 5’9, so she barely notices when a shorter figure appears right beside her, looking up at her with a piercing gaze.
She looks down at the petite woman next to her. Normally, she wouldnt pay this person any mind, especially one this short and unthreatening looking, But she still stares, wondering how she even got there. she crosses her arms over her chest and takes a drink from her own bottle
“Watch where youre going”
Sam mutters, looking back up
The woman’s eyes narrow, but she masks a sly playful expression, contrasting sams gruff scowl.
“Why assume i didnt mean to come over here?”
Sam assumes this is just another person who had seen her on the news, eyeing her up and down, trying not to roll her eyes. This girl couldnt be the killer, but considering her size she seems too small to do any real damage. Sam grumbles.
“Why are you lookin at me?”
The other girl shrugs, leaning against the wall next to Sam and sipping on her own drink.
“Didn’t know it was illegal to stare at people scowling in a corner at a frat party”
Sam rolls her eyes
“Its not, i just don’t understand what you want from me”
The other girl shrugs again, speaking in a nonchalant tone
“To get to know you, you seem interesting”
Frowning little and tilting her head, Sams curiosity is getting the better of her, but not to the point shes gonna go and trust this girl and spill her darkest secrets. Shes always on edge, so even a slight tone change makes her suspicious. so she tries to keep her rough tone, but its not working.
“What about me?”
“i dont know.. why dont you tell me?”
The woman whispers, leaning against the wall next to sam, who is desperately trying to keep watching her friends and tara, but failing and getting distracted.
Sam eyes the short girl and swishes the alcohol in her bottle, suspicion spiking now and though she is trying not to, she is failing at trying to continue her grumpy attitude. Shes got her hand wrapped around the pepper spray on her keychain, just incase this girl tries anything, but she just stares, wondering why she even cares.
“I dont know? im.. just me”
The woman smiles shyly, shrugging
“thats oka-“
Before she finishes her sentence, some drunk guys rush past, pushing sam and her possible new friend aside roughly, Sam nearly drops her drink, and y/n is pushed right against sam. The taller woman groans in annoyance at the sudden impact, when she gets herself back together, she realizes the other stands fitting right under sams arm against her, seeming startled.
Sam hisses and looks down, noticing the woman stands right underneath her arm. if anything, shes startled as well. She cant help it though and her arms and hands instinctively wrap around y/n’s waist as she keeps her in place as well as protecting her from the crowd. Shes never protected someone before, other than her younger sister, but it was her instinct to grab this stranger by her waist. Sam doesnt know how she let this happen, but now this girl is pressed right up against her, and shes surprised that she didnt push her away yet. Normally she wouldnt be okay with someone touching her and would distance herself, but even though she seems annoyed and disgruntled, she doesnt move away. Instead Sam just keeps her arm around this girl, the pepper spray key chain hanging down as her hand rests on the shorter womans back. Shes a lot closer to her than she had anticipated.
The girls eyes widen slightly and she lets out a soft “oh-“ when sam grabs her to keep her standing. y/n sees the pepperspray out of the corner of her eye but seems not to react, instead getting distracted by sams toned biceps and overall upper body, a faint blush creeping onto her face. Sam is immediately confused with herself and gets the instinct to back away. sam didnt come here to make friends, shes here to watch and protect Tara and her existing friends.
She seems to snap out of her instincts and realized she held the girl a bit longer than she should have. She tries not to stare too hard at the smaller woman, though her curiosity and intrigue continues to grow. she doesnt push the girl away and looks away as she puts one hand on her drink and looks off to the side, clearing her throat
“you alright?”
Sam asks with a gentle voice she didnt expect to come out of her. shes usually loud, and rude, shes surprised by the softness to her tone.
“y-yeah..”
y/n mumbles, still blushing as she watches sams hand slowly leave her waist.
“thank you..”
Sam raises an eyebrow at y/n. She didnt know if she was actually okay, but shes not gonna ask again, Keeping one hand on her drink as she crosses her arms over her chest again. Shes still watching y/n, though in the corner of her eye, as shes back to keeping a close watch on her Tara, among other friends she’s looking out for.
“hm. youre welcome.”
“whats your name?”
y/n blurts out suddenly, unsure of a better time to ask
Sam looks back at the girl and narrows her eyes into slight suspicion again. She never really liked giving out her info, especially during this era. But.. for some reason she caves, shrugging and then leaning back against the wall.
“Sam. Your name?”
“y/n”
She responds, leaning against the wall next to sam, having to look up to talk to her
“Hi Sam..”
Sam just lets out a short hum as a response. Its unusual for sam to feel this way around someone, not so on edge as she usually is.
She just keeps a close eye on everything around her, mainly Tara and co, but y/n was slightly distracting.
y/n tilts her head, the playful glint returning to her hazel eyes
“What, am I not interesting enough for you to look at?”
Sam looks at y/n, raiseing an eyebrow with a flat look.
“I was watching everything, and youre included. So yes. youre interesting enough”
She just takes a sip from her drink, trying to keep her tone even.
“You seem distracted”
Sam mumbles something in response but y/n doesnt catch it, squinting at the tall girl instead.
“Okay.. so what are you doing here if you dont like parties? No ones forcing you to be here you know.. you dont seem like a party person.”
“..yeah. I have to watch my friends and sister.”
she takes another sip of her drink, not taking her eyes off the crowd as she does so.
y/n tilts her head
“You have to babysit your adult friends and sister?”
Sam just scoffs and rolls her eyes, her tone going back to being harsh. She never liked the “babysitter” word that some people like to use when talking about her. She crosses her arms over her chest again.
“If youre calling this babysitting, then yes i have to babysit my “adult friends” and sister.”
“Why?”
Sam scoffs again, her tone becoming harsher when y/n doesn’t even know the answer and has probably never been in her situation.
“Because they need me. Because someone in this world is always out to kill them.”
Sam eyes the shorter woman again, then glances back to the crowd. She doesn’t even know why she’s explaining this to a stranger.
“Oh.”
It clicks in y/n’s head that the taller woman is refferring to the recent ghostface killings. She had heard of them all over, and how they were starting to pop up around NYC.
Sam is surprised when it clicks for her. Usually people ask, “what do you mean someone’s out to kill them?” or “why do they need you?” or “you can’t be serious” but y/n didnt. She just put the pieces together. and sam didn’t know what to say further. She takes another sip from her drink as she glances around the party, now a bit more anxious
y/n looks somber when the killings are mentioned, an expression Sam barely notices
“What about your own enjoyment?”
The paranoid woman’s stomach drops at the mention of her own enjoyment. She actually hasn’t had any.. in a while. For a long time. Shes always on duty. Always keeping an eye on things and everyone else. she didn’t even think she deserved any own enjoyment. Sam was doing this for everyone else, not herself. She shakes her head and takes another sip from her drink, her tone a bit harsh
“im more concerned about their lives than my enioyment”
“mm..”
y/n’s change of voice is hard to hide as she says something that catches sam off guard entirely.
“You’re a really good person.. the kind people should appreciate more”
Samantha is taken back when she hears the compliment, and she stays silent for a moment. She didnt think she was a good person. She didnt think she was anything. Sam just shook her head, not knowing what to say. She was Billy Loomis’ daughter..
“no im not-“
She quickly argues. it wasnt true. she just did what she had to do, she had to protect. there was nothing else to it. Sam took another sip from her drink, hoping y/n would just move on, because she didnt want to talk about it
“hush”
The other woman cuts her off, glancing up at her and takes a sip of her own drink. Sam can see that her eyes seem to be slightly moist*
“youre perfect”
y/n whispers, barely able to be heard under the loud party music.
Sams eyes widen again. Her heart rate speeds up just from y/n calling her perfect. this isnt right. Sam wasnt perfect. she killed someone. Sam feels all her walls just break down at this point, which is incredibly out of character for her.
“im- im not perfect-“
Sam whispers, almost like a whimper. her harshness fades away and her gentle look comes in place as she stares down at y/n.
Sam blinks in complete shock. Was this girl about to cry? and why was she telling Sam she was perfect? therapy tall woman doesnt know what to do with this comment, and her cheeks had heated up a bit. Sam was about to speak when she notices those little tears in y/n’s eyes and stops herself. She cant say what she was about to say. she just watches her.
y/n smiles faintly, clearing her thoat
“i-i should go.. and leave you to your babysitting.”
Sam watches her, eyes soft as she sees her smile. She was hoping she didnt hear that right, but she couldnt get herself to stop her. Sam was about to speak again, but the harshness in her voice was completely gone. there was no more scowl, and she was just being soft like y/n was. As the short woman begins to walk away though, Sam stops her and grabs her hand. Startled, her head darts around and she looks up at Sam, a tear already threatening to fall.
..!
Sam freezes for a second, then realizes that she just grabbed y/n’s hand and is still holding onto her hand. In this moment, her mind is racing. She wants to say something but cant. She wants to ask something but feels this is just wrong. Sam watches as the tear runs down her cheek. She sees it and freezes. She cant help but feel guilty for making this girl almost cry. Normally, Sam would have let her go, and let the girl cry without even a care, but.. this was different. There was an urge to comfort her. So sam just takes a little step closer and gently grabs the girls chin, tilting her head up to look at her, all care about Tara and ghostface vanished.
“dont..”
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sircantus · 26 days
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Oh oh oh what is "Rich boy rich boy whatcha gonna do"?
THAT one is a dark sbi au kinda where struggling artist wilbur gets caught up in the influence and the attention of Technoblade who is like, the eldest son of the Craft family, who is super rich and somewhat famous with Phil being a famous person and Tommy being a spoiled child. Its a little funny bc its like wilbur constantly wanting to shake Techno for being such a rich kid (ex. techno has never had cheap pizza bc he’s had literal chefs making his meals all the time) and they get into funny little shenanigans with Techno constantly dragging wilbur into Rich Events (wilbur shows up to a ball with a shirt that has food stains and Techno has to wrangle him into the next room to put on something Presentable, bc we have a reputation, WIL-!) but its also meant to be a slow horror where Techno goes from seeming like a down to earth person to someone who will actually do anything to make sure he gets what he wants. (And he wants Wilbur to be his Friend. his friend. No one elses, thank you!)
Its- ahhhh i wanna ramble on but i dont wanna too much but anyhow one detail i like in the au is that theres a contrast between Tommy and Techno in how they act bc Tommy acts like a typical rich kid who gets all pissy when hes denied something and Techno and Wilbur tend to be like “wow he’s throwing a tantrum again lol” and Wilbur thinks that its just Tommy whos got some issues but then later on Techno has something go wrong with his 77 step plan to befriend Wilbur and he gets so upset about it that he snaps and tears apart his whole room in a fit of rage, which is such a MOMENT bc then its a reveal that Techno isnt any better, hes just better at keeping it behind closed doors. And PHIL is also just as bad as them bc he’s entirely justifies the damage and is like “ahh its going fine techno its not all lost but i can arrange for someone to go missing if you want”
Also also Techno is technically?? A fashion designer?? In the fic yeah i think that was the thing Phil is like a big name and Techno takes after him and theres also the detail of Techno constantly trying to have Wilbur wear his pieces and Wilbur is like “there is no occasion where i need to wear something thats worth more than my car” “well we do have this charity event next week-“ “who is WE??”
GOSH its all so much its such a fic and it does get really dark at some bits (wilbur ends up trying to murder techno lmao) but ehh its a wip who knows if ill ever post it haha
Also its called rich boy rich boy whatcha gonna do bc the rich boy is techno and whatcha gonna do is wilburs mental process when he realizes how deep in trouble he is
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Text
tw vent
genuinely so fucking sick and tired of everything. hate myself more than anything, but so does literally everyone so what does it matter. no matter how much i struggle someone in the world has it worse. i have a perfect life, perfect family, perfect house, perfect everything. im the only problem with all of this. other ppl do so much for me and love me and take care of me but it js makes me angry. ik im an awful person for saying this and ppl r gna hate me but i js need to talk, i wish i had it worse. i tell people this shit and i always get "no u dont u dk what its like its horrible you dont want this" but i do.
i wish i'd have been SA'd, i wish i'd have been abused, i wish i did drugs, i wish my parents hated me. idk why but i just crave sickness so much. i want to be sick beyond help to the point where it consumes my life and i finally have enough motivation to kms. the only reason i cvt is because i want to get addicted to it.
its been like this for years. the only thing i want in life is attention, idc how i get it or who i get it from. i live on it. yk those coaches on here? i dont block them a lot of the time. i give them exactly what they want because they tell me i have a pretty face. ik theyre lying but its all i need to hear. i send nood pics to old men all the time. men who know im a minor and love it. they dont love me as a person tho and its fine.
i worry that people wont care abt me when im an adult. like i wont be a child anymore, i wont be taken care of. ill get a lame job and meet a lame man and have a shitty wedding and shit out ugly babies that look exactly like me, and grow up to hate themselves exactly as i do now.
i plan on dying before i turn 18. but time is moving too fast and im getting too close to my deadline, so im trying to make everything worth it before i go. its hard to do that tho, i dont have any friends irl, i dont go to school. i go to a school made for retarded kids a few hours a week. i dont do anything while im there. js stare at the words because i genuinely cnt read it properly. like ik what the words say (though it can take a minute) but i dont understand anything. all i do is sit in my room and wait until someone talks to me.
and there's no way for me to ever feel better because i dnt want to. im a terrible person because of that and i dont like it, but it wont ever change
ik probably nobody even read this (i yap sm 😭) but i js needed to get some stuff off my chest
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