#that were then destroyed by burn out and perfectionism and imposter syndrome
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i think the thing that no one tells you about being forced into being a high achieving child/teen is how much it comes to fuck you over later in life when you can’t do anything without holding yourself to an insane level of perfectionism and then you realize it’s basically leeched all the fun out of any hobbies you created for yourself and left you with a shell of a personality
#like I was having this convo with my mom about how I used to do so much in high school and college#and granted a lot of it was to look smart or well rounded for college and dental school apps which is I guess it’s own thing#but now that I don’t have another goal to work towards my life feels more stagnant and I guess I feel like more of a failure?#even though that’s absolutely not true I just see other people always on the grind and feel guilty for not wanting to do as much anymore#bc I’m tired and burnt out from everything#and the worst part is that it extended into my hobbies too#like I used to love baking and painting and being creative until I just set such insane standards for myself#like if something wasn’t perfect or aesthetic or worthy of being displayed as like a trophy#my effort and the process and time invested into it counts for nothing#not to be controversial but sometimes writing feels that way too#i think it’s a mental battle I have with myself but it makes me sad how many hobbies I used to have and enjoyed#that were then destroyed by burn out and perfectionism and imposter syndrome#this turned into a rant#will probably delete later#but I just had to say it somewhere#isi rambles
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