#that would be sick but also idk how id cope

[philzokman]

SOBBING SO HARD RN im so bad at french but i need all a's to get into the uni course i want and i havent been studying french bc iwas like 'mhmhmhmm!!! 4 days is eniogh time to become fUKCING FLUENT IN A LANGUAGE' WHY AM I SO STUPUD MY EXAMS ON MIONDAY IM GOING TO EAT CONCRETE also why does the tangled soundtrack go so hard like actually im alternating between the duolingo french podcast, the tangled soundtrack, pulps discography and prayign HFJKDSHF

[yokakaiju]

i got bored and made a tierlist based off who smokes the most weed

justifications under cut

so like i made this cause its funny first and foremost, but i did put like somewhat actual thought into this. not much, but synapses were firing in my brain putting this together

also im not tagging everyone, ill just like pick 2 or whatevs

okay so first up is chidaruma. dude prolly invented weed ngl. you know he's smoked everyway imaginable: blunt, pipe, bong, can, apple, vape, synthesized, edible, hotbox, blower; you name it, he's done it. he's kinda over it, but he's still up there just cause like... idk he is and won't take criticism

haru is a beautiful weed smoking gf thats literally it

13's entire schedule is probably wake up, smoke, jerk off, sleep, eat, smoke, jerk off, eat, smoke, repeat. he also would probably kin jesse pinkman

ton is a bitch and smokes all the cross-eye commanders weed. like they'll save up for MONTHS to get like 5oz (one for each of them :3) and he'll be like, "woah! a bag of weed!" and smoke it ALLLLLL in like an hour. he's like a truffle pig for weed, they can try to hide it but his ass always finds it and smokes it all. he would prolly also call it za or skunk or some shit like that

ebisu isn't quite in the high 24/7 catagory, but she could be. dawg loves weed, like she is also 100% a fucking master at rolling blunts she rivals chidaruma at it. rolling blunts is like a sport for her tbh

aikawa's gotta cope dawg. like if he aint at school or currently being possed by demons his ass is smokin that shit bruh he needs a minute to chill. also he's got crazy money (kai's money but shhh) so he might as well spend it on his pookie <3 (risu)

noi may be controversial being up so high, but hear me out. weed smoking gf? i think yes B) mogs at you

asuka also has to cope, but its cause shes a blackpilled femcel (her own words i stg)

chota would smoke, but he hates the smell and doesn't want it to ruin his clothes and shit. he prolly wears like silk gowns and dances around to madonna while trippin off like 10g. he's livin the life tbh

OKAY HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT johnston. fucking johnston is only i repeat ONLY UP HERE‼️ because kasukabe gives him those little non thc thc pills people give to dogs with anxiety and agression issues to keep him calm

poor dokuga cant share with his besties so he's been condemed to eating edibles alone... also smoking/inhaling smoke makes him drool a bit so like a bit deadly for everyone around him to even try. i like, debated on putting him in never, but tetsujo prolly cooks smth up for him so he doesn't feel left out <3

natsuki is only at the top of sometimes because she probably would more if she had money. also she sucks in a blunt rotation cause her ass ALWAYS WITHOUT FAIL tries to hold it in and always coughs like a mfer and taps out after like one hit

vaux just makes sense. he looks like an average 30-40smth nu metal oldhead, theres no way he DOESNT smoke at least a little. id put him in 100% but he's also a fairly responsible doctor so liek idk

kasukabe doesnt as much anymore, mostly only when he's with haru, but he still does sometimes for funsies cause he's just chiil like that :3

tetsujo doesn't thattt much cause it fucks with his already dog shit depth perception super bad, but sometimes if ton or the others dont find it he shares it with dokuga and they like yuri pose and eat edibles together or smth idk

ik kaiman is gonna be controversial being so low, but listen. 1) his ass is too focused on socerers and shit to care 2) he's dirt poor. he simply cannot afford it 3) how tf is he gonna smoke with no lips? that blunt would just get chewed to shit. like genuinely he would maybe get one singular edible if nikaido or vaux were feeling nice, but other than that its like, idk almost never for him

i would but shin in never, but ik noi is like "boss!!!! come take hits off this bong with me!! its gonna be so sick omg you HAVE to come smoke with me RN!!!!" and he'd be like "sighhhhhh... anything for my weed smoking gf ig..."

ushishimada is only so low cause i feel like he's too mothery to smoke a lot? like, he's too responsible, but not responsible enough to outright say no. also they're poor asf and ton always smokes it all

fukuyama would get his ass kicked by tanba if he found out, but ik dawgs gotta take a load off sometimes tbh

now again, controversial take but i have reasons. risu is so fucking poor. like, genuinely he is too worried about his tuition, bills, and groceries to give af about it (also cause aikawa is a bitch and makes him pay for everything cause "i forgot my wallet oopsie :3c"). now aikawa does supply him tho and he hooks him up with the primo shit ong. so at least when he does smoke he smokes that good shit (also they yuri pose as well while they smoke)

again, saji is too mommy to smoke that much weed (also another case of being too poor). bro doesn't want his clothes and needlework to smell like shit, which i respect

ai 100% would if his ass wasnt so busy with his damn self expiramentation bs. like, he wants to smoke so bad tbh, but he's like "sigh i gotta work on my plans to rebuild my body from the ground up.. maybe tomorrow" stares longingly out the window imagining how cool smoking weed is

again, kai's over here fuckin "i have to go to work" like he genuinely just doesn't care or have time. he's never even thought about it tbh, like you're tellin me this mfer has had a single thought outside of total domination in his entire existance??? HELL NAH HIS ASS DOES NOT THINK HE HAS ZERO THOUGHTS IN HIS HEAD I STG

now this may also be controversial. why isn't by beautiful coquette cottagecore angelcore babe out there rolling and smoking the fattest blunts known to man? turkey just like doesnt feel it. its not for her tbh. she tried smoking, she tried edibles. she just wasnt a fan tbh. like, she'll cook up some of the tastiest edibles you've ever had if you ask, but she just aint a fan

kirion also just doesn't feel it tbh. again, its not for her and thats alright

wow surprise surprise another controversial take. like, before you get mad just think abt it for a sec. like, she's so fucking business first and always has been that i think she would just see it as a major hinderance on her job performance, as well as the performance of her employees later down the line. now im not saying she's a narc or hardass about it, im saying she just doesn't feel it. the high she gets from people enjoying her food and making money is enough for her tbh. also she does do edibles sometimes, but mostly like when it rains in hole to make it a little less miserable and painful

en is about the same. like, he def has. he's just like, idk. he doesnt wanna. its not for him anymore. he doesn't care if anyone in the family does it, but they better not sacrifice the quality of their work for it. like if he catches you high on the job its prolly like some sort of repremanding, but off the clock he dont gaf

genuinely copy paste nikaidos shit for tanba. he's too worried about his business to even consider smoking weed

now... kawajiri is a fucking narc and a half. his ass would be like "erm ☝️🤓 well actually" and then give a big long speech about how weed is bad blah blah blah whatever no one cares dawg stop fuckin yappin. but like, he's just pissed cause no one will smoke with him or share their weed with him cause he's such a hardass

fujita is kinda weed smoking gf coded, but like ik his ass would be like "EN! EN! I SAW EBISU SMOKING A BLUNT THE SIZE OF HER OWN FOREARM AND TRYING TO SHARE IT WITH KIKURAGE!!! YOU NEED TO STOP HER RN!!!!" but hes only like this cause when he was in a blunt roation with shin, noi, and ebisu they all told him holding it in made you higher, but he ended up puking and they all laughed at him and made fun of him for it because hes a fucking idiot. so now he's an evil little narc who squeals to en when he even catches a whiff of a skunk like scent

curse is a bitch and ik his ass is like "RAAAHHHH‼️ I GOTTA GO KILL THE CROSS-EYES BOSS RAHHH‼️ I NEED TO SEEK REVENEGE FOR MY MURDER RAHHHHHH‼️" like dawg chill tf out be so real rn. he's too focused on revenge and shit to smoke and like, i think if he did smoke and kai also smoked they'd have beautiful hot sexy yaoi, thats just me tho

oh my god shou is such a bitch about it. like sure kawajiri gives lectures about the "scary true reality of weed" and fujita is a narc, but this guy. oh my god this mfer. THIS IS THE REAL REASON EVERYONE FORGOT ABOUT HIM ITS CAUSE THEY KNOW HIS ASS IS GONNA WHINE AND BITCH AND MAKE YOU GO TO LIKE AA OR NA OR WHATEVER FOR IT!!!! HE'LL START CALLIN YOI AND ADDICT AND SAYIN ITS A GATEWAY AND SHIT AND HOW THE DEVILS WILL IMMEDIATLY DRAG YOI TO HELL AND TORTURE YOU FOREVER IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT OH MY BALLS

kikurage is literally just a dog dawg. her ass dont even know what weed is

store crow mauler is like... idk man. idk how it would smoke weed or if it even knows or cares what weed is. whatever, its kinds like a pet so whatevs

[resident-cake-anon]

hi luna !! do u have any ideas/info abt golden petals in other aus, like modern aus? 🤔 id love to hear abt them!!

HIHI CLARA!! I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS <33 this ended up being a really long post im sorry.. im a professional yapper

MODERN/COLLEGE AU

❦. i see them as being college kids w their academy selves

❦. catalina is always really pushing herself in her studies, maybe she would even be double majored so she ends up doing LONG study sessions in the library

❦. claude is there to check up on her though ofc, ryan put the idea in my head that he would come see her in the library between classes to give her food and a kiss and it rotates in my mind CONSTANTLY

❦. claude’s always posting cati on his socials, ppl are kind of sick of it but they’re too cute for them to say anything

❦. BUILD LEGO FLOWER SETS TOGETHER.. not a doubt in my mind that they do that as a sleepover activity while watching a movie they take an hour to decide on

❦. i see claude as being involved in a lot of clubs maybe a leader of one (my gut says chess) and catalina always makes time in her busy schedule to show up at their events to support him!!

❦. they go on dates to the closest boba shop, especially when cati needs a break from her study sessions

❦. catalina gets the same drink every time while claude always tries something new (he lets catalina have a sip hoping she can widen her palette) + he gets a snack that they can share

❦. catalina insists that she pays but claude always seems to trick her into letting him do it, she always feels guilty but claude doesn’t care, he has the money to spend

TANGLED AU

❦. rapunzel and flynn fit these two SO much there’s a reason why i see the light is on the golden petals playlist

❦. catalina basically lives the rapunzel story in fe3h, basically locked away in the monastery unable to leave all that much and wanting to explore the world

❦. also rapunzel being born from a flower??? yea. iconic. and so catalina coded..

❦. the power to heal, all the flowers in her braid, her generally excitable nature, the overwhelming GUILT of leaving home idk so much lines up

❦. also flynn rider is literally the blueprint that defines all f/os i have/will have in the future.. i have a type and it is DEEP-SEATED in my love for flynn rider

❦. fake aliases, rouge-ish but charming personality, being seen as an outsider or weak as a child and turning to putting up fences as a defense mechanism??? sign me up apparently,,

❦. but most of all i think the way the two’s relationship develops in the movie is so perfect and reflects how golden petals would grow closer, learning to trust each other and eventually willing to sacrifice themselves for the other

WONDERLAND AU

❦. IVE WANTED TO MAKE CONTENT FOR THEM FOR SO LONG..

❦. i love alice in wonderland so much and golden petals fits into the story pretty well too!!

❦. catalina is so similar to alice aaa her imagining up a whole world like wonderland bc the rules and regulations of sophisticated society bore her is just so fitting

❦. in this au ofc alice wouldn’t be a child i could definitely see catalina in wonderland as her academy self bc she uses escapism as a coping mechanism sm

❦. also catalina and the scene of alice singing w the flowers… love it sm

❦. in wonderland, catalina would then meet claude as the cheshire cat!! i think he would be more helpful than the original cheshire cat but still mischievous in his own way

❦. i think he would often mess w the others they find along their travels in wonderland to get a laugh out of cati, pulling a prank on lorenz as the mad hatter always seems to do the trick

❦. at the end of their story, i believe catalina would be woken up by her classmate, khalid, ig she dozed off during class…

SLEEPING BEAUTY AU

❦. THE SLEEPING BEAUTY AU.. RULER OF MY HEART…..

❦. this au exists only bc im an actual sicko over sleeping beauty not bc i think their roles fit, this one is just for ME

❦. i actually made sleeping beauty au art before golden petals.. was called golden petals so the love runs deep

❦. bucket assigned the three good fairies to hilda, heather, and marianne and who am i to disagree!! it think they’re quite perfect actually hehe

❦. instead of them being aunts to briar rose they would more likely be like older cousins

❦. catalina as briar rose would definitely want to explore outside the woodcutter’s cottage and the forest and so meeting claude was sort of the perfect gateway!!

❦. claude as prince philip is so nice too.. i wholeheartedly believe that he would throw away his royal title to run away to be w this girl he met in the woods over someone he’s been betrothed to since birth.. it makes sense to me

❦. also white wyvern -> white horse that he bickers with.. love it

TY FOR THE ASK CLARA I <3 YOU AND IM SORRY

[genderkoolaid]

1of2 Just wanna say ty 4 being cool abt transabled stuff, Im not transblted myself but v much sympathize/relate 2 the experience & its always nice 2 c ppl being nice abt it. :) Also wanted 2 add that along w/ everything u said, ik theres also alot of ppl who ID as transabled as a part of working thru/coping w/ selfdoubt/internalized ableism abt their IRL disabilities, whether in a selfaware way or b4 realizing/getting a dx, & ik 4 me at least that rly impacts how I view any 'Being disabled is a

2of3 (oops) privilege' type stuff. Thats not 2 say its not still a problem, but when ur disabled & noone acknowledges it, seeing other disabled ppl that (as far as u kno) /r/ getting that acknowledgement can feel like a privilege, & if ur not in disability activism spaces (whether thru exclusion, cuz u legit dont realize u belong there yet, or 4 w/e other reason), its easy 2 not realize the problems w/ that. Obvs I think goodfaith IDs should b respected regardless of if theyre 'Secretly just X 3of3 other more valid ID but havent realized it yet', but I think its still good info 2 have sumtimes. I absolutely Get the idea of selfdoubt so severe that nothing less than 'Even if u werent X u could still b X' is reassuring. And ableism telling u that ur not rly disabled, u just /want/ 2 b sick, when 'Being sick' means 'Not pushing past ur limits' so hell yeah u want that (& therefore r riddled w/ selfdoubt), thats p much my whole life. Idk lol, rant over, I just wanted 2 say ty & stuff. <3

Another good point! @rozario-sanguinem also brought this up. Transabled as a sort of shelter for disabled people who feel they can't ID as disabled makes a lot of sense, and I can't imagine that being harassed for that would do much to help them come to terms with their disability.

I also definitely understand how people (esp those who aren't as exposed to activism) can have a gut reaction to seeing other people get the recognition they need and jump to "you don't understand your privilege!" It's obviously not a good response, but it's also one born out of real pain and lack of understanding, so it needs to be confronted with understanding and compassion.

[hella1975]

:)))))))))))))))

List anon <3

Finally got around to reading Tams chapter 3 so heres that.

I didnt send in a thing for chapter 2 (i cant remember why) but I think I like Lihua. Unless you want to kill her or something in that case i hate her and am determined to not grow attached.

You also might just have the perspective abandon her. But I think Id be able to cope with that.

Not necessarily something that just now occured to me but just something that my mind prompted, I like how in this Zuko is immediately taught that he was like very sheltered. And how theres this big population of people who dont have a choice but to make bad decisions just so themselves and their families to survive.

Yeah I like her. Please dont kill her Im begging you

If you dont kill her ill ko fi you like 4 dollars (pounds??? i dont feel like adjusting my terminology right now)

idk if you remember but a few months ago you were complaining that you were really sick or something and you got an ask saying that they tried to send you i think 2 dollars if you would go to the e.r but their ko fi wasnt working. That was me and i got my ko fi to work and i am NOT above bribing you. Just saying.

Lihua reminds me of a delinquet Jin.

Azulas being imprisoned. That is DEFINETLY probably not going to lead to anything interestgin

Well theres Zhao

Well she was recognized

God shes so smart I love her so much shes figurively playing dumbass Zhao like a fiddle.

"The only reason she had for leaving it was because she knew that Zuko knew she wouldn’t leave it unless something awful had happened. This was a message. People were behind this, and that could only mean one thing." Taob parrelel thing?? Like when Zuko left one of his swords for Hakoda. Not sure if this was intentional or not but its a nice touch.

"Azula had figured out a plan before Zhao had even left her cell" Of course she had. Shes amazing i love her.

Is her Fire bending still orange????? Nice

I like how Azula still resents Ursa

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOKKA AND KATARA YES I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS

I think its funny that Zuko thinks Sokkas judging him because of his scar (which theres a small possiblity he doesnt know the symbolism for, I dont know i havent read that far yet) and not judging him because hes a firebender like he just exclaimed like dude OBVIOUSLY they are a tad bit distraught by firebending and bros just like "nah its because of my scar.

okay now hes catching on

Zukos so confused right now

Hes got a lot to take in take your time pal

"“Actually,” Zuko frowned, “I wasn’t talking to you.” He turned to Azula. “Well?”" Zukos attitude towards Sokka is so funny. "Its not like zukos going to be intimidated by a whelp like him", Stfu Zuko you were just unsettled by his stare like three paragraphs ago. You have a specific post I keep seeing on pinterest, (and i saw it on facebook one time, that was surreal,) (im pretty sure its you) its the one where its like enemy to lover fics are so funny because the tags are right there or something along those lines. This is giving those vibes. Like he might be unsettled by Sokka now but just wait like 15 chapters when hes REALLY going to be unsettled by him but this time the unsettledness is gay panic so.

I completely forgot about Iroh. Whats he up to nowadays?

"“Besides, Zuko just took out like ten soldiers by himself. I'm sticking with him until we get out of here.”" Im taking this as flirting you cant change my mind.

Wait is this fic even Zukka? *checks* yes it is, okay.

So Sokka is flirting, what next?

Now Azulas pov is acknowedging the difference between the real world and the palace, nice.

I cant remember if this was acknowledged in one of the other chapters or not. If so, oh well.

sOKKA Quit staring at him you dumb gay

Look at Sokka flirting. "Your not what I was expecting" Might as well tell him hes not like the other girls also you werent expecting a hot and mysterious twink in a fire nation strong hold? Be a lot weirder if he was expecting that tbh.

I like how hes asking Aangs consent to put him in a fake hostage situation.

"I'd be honored hotman" See Sokka, even aang will acknowledge that hes hot.

Aw shit Lihua might die

Okay Im done reading it.

This was such a good chapter. I loved it so much, your doing amazing.

I cant put into words how excited I am for the rest of this series.

I mentioned in one of the taob asks that Im really picky about how people write Azula, and Ive already talked about how much i love how you write Zuko, so its Azulas turn now.

First of all (of the stuff I read anyways) Azulas pov arent written enough.

And the ones there are its even more rare that she actually has like,,, a personality???

like Shes always so robotic and uncomplex in some fics and I cant put into words how refreshing it is to get a change in that. Like this is the first fic ive ever read that I dont absolutely dread Azula povs.

(I feel the need to say whenever I compare taob to other fics in these I'm never intending to put the other authors down, im just stating the differences in my specific preferences. Like im all for writers doing what they want in their fics, but the way you write align so well with what i like to read its uncanny sometimes)

Azula is such a difficult character, and you write her so well. Youre phenomenal, I love it.

Like shes by far my favorite thing about this so far.

I love her and Zukos dedication and codependancy. And also how well they ended up being able to read each other and how well they flow with each other. Its so different from their cannon relationship.

I think they should have let you write the comics.

Isnt there a new Azula comic coming out soon??????????/ They should let you write it. Your amazing with her.

You capture the complexity of their relationship so well, and like acknowledging how strained and toxic they were at the palace vs now, its so good, I love it so much.

My second favorite thing about tams, like i mentioned, is all of Sokka and Zukos interactions. They were so funny and honestly had me cackling.

I liked the whole 'Azula and Sokka are similar and so are Katara and Zuko' thing, because its true. I've always seen them as sort of parallels of each other. Its nice to see this acknowledged.

I saw that you answered some of my other ask things recently and the one where I was responding to what I think was the last chapter of Taob had me laughing because I had no idea it was that long when I sent it in. Sorry for making you read all that.

I have a process for writing these and a part of it is that I usually write it in a doc first and then copy and paste it into the ask thing and then read through it to make sure it makes sense. And sometimes when im rereading it Ill add a lot of stuff and I didnt realize how much I added with that particular ask.

I saw it and I just kept scrolling and scrolling and it was really funny to me.

I usually take screenshots when you answer them so i can remember what i have or havent talked about and that specific ask is like 14 screenshots of just the stuff I sent.

And im doing that again with this one.

Anywho im responding to some of your comments on my asks because i can.

"No you didnt send me an ask off anon but I wish you would"

never. I would rather die.

the whole your economics degree makes you feel stupid thing. theres a really popular saying thats like 'if you try to teach a fish to climb a tree it will spend its whole life thinking its stupid' or something like that. that part of your response reminded me of that.

"I want to know what your talking about with the kind thing"

Again, never. Absolutely not.

Theres another part i wanted to respond to but i cant remember now so oh well.

I know i always say that im not sure if these make sense but i actually mean it this time because im really tired. so have fun interpreting this.

OMG LIST ANON HI HI HI HOW ARE YOU <33333

i also love lihua it's kinda funny how many people were suspicious of her initially bc i genuinely dont know WHY idk if it's bc people just dont trust me or we're all overly cynical but i was getting comments and asks like 'i dont trust lihua' and im here like WHY THAT'S MY BABYGIRL

bribe me. do it. (no really dont i cant believe u tried to send me money just to take care of myself 😭)

as for the taob parallel thing, that wasn't on purpose! i really cant see myself putting ANY taob references in tams just bc i want them to be separate like i dont want all of my atla works from now on to be compared to taob bc that's. not gonna end well for me LMAO

"You have a specific post I keep seeing on pinterest, (and i saw it on facebook one time, that was surreal,) (im pretty sure its you) its the one where its like enemy to lover" NOOOOOOOOOO

i love how season 1 sokka's justification for very baltantly flirting with the firebender is literally to he's not like other girlsify him. sound logic there king

"like Shes always so robotic and uncomplex in some fics and I cant put into words how refreshing it is to get a change in that. Like this is the first fic ive ever read that I dont absolutely dread Azula povs." GOD TIER COMPLIMENT IM KISSING YOU RN i love love LOVE tams azula like i love her as a character i love writing her i love how it tests me a bit just love love love her and seeing how well she's been received in general has been such a pleasant surprise <3 do not even MENTION comic azula to me im so sad for her

"Sorry for making you read all that." please never apologise for these asks they make me very happy :)

"if you try to teach a fish to climb a tree it will spend its whole life thinking its stupid' or something like that." that's actually very fitting, thank you <3

get some sleep!!!!

thank you for this ask as always my love my light my cutie patootie xx

[self-h-rmageddon]

ramble about my aromantic tendencies cuz im all. confused im SURE theres a word for this i just think im not ready??? i think like. not in a personal way, in a PHYSICAL way like something needs to change before id ever CONSIDER IT, makes me sick otherwise like theres so many things!! so many hurdles and stuff that would deter me from all that nonsense but i still like the idea of it like the idea is so sweet, its why i enjoy it so much in fiction but. in execution? IDK MAN.. freaks me out for so many reasons

romantic love is so cute bro like. its genuinely adorable to me, i love listening to love songs and just feeling the emotion and passion behind all the words, but ummmmmmm. i think realistically im capable? i just think that any attempt wouldnt go well, i dont think i can give someone what they might need, its always been like. okay 1. im going to be OBSESSED with you ill do anything you say ill let you mistreat and abuse me ill do anything for you okay which is not ideal!! not ideal, made for bad people dont want bad people. but?? on the other hand its also like i cant imagine loving another person more than i love my friends, but thats whats expected of me isnt it? i think they wouldnt like it very much if i had an equal amount but like. is it even possible? I REALLY DONT KNOW.. i know ive said it before, i just feel like. love, not platonic not romantic just LOVE pure unlabeled love. what kind of treatment would i give to a partner that i dont already give to my friends? itd go really wrong there im sure, i dont wanna hurt anybody yknow

idk its like such a cute little fantasy tho isnt it? maybe i meet someone and we become friends and then it leads to something more, is going on dates fun? maybe it would be but. i go on dates with my friends!!!!!! like is it different? i guess, but im out with someone i love i dont see how it could be much different

sometimes it feels like people like me dont get that. its hard to be good enough for someone else, like. i know theres like 8 billion people in the world but its always. im too fat im trans im not hot enough im too mentally ill im too awkward too. TOO EVERYTHING!! so on top of like. how can someone possible be more than what i already have, i have to be good enough too!!!!! so much work, i honestly. after brian, i was so content to just fall back on fictional characters, i know it sounds silly but self shipping LITERALLY saved my life i was hanging by a thread after him and then i found a coping mechanism that made me feel so good

i think its uncertainty, when it comes to fictional relationship? i make the rules, the scenarios, its perfect for me but. in real life you cant do that, im thrown in BLIND. i know its part of life, you learn and grow together but erm... im autistic please dont do this to me PLEASE if i plan out my conversation at a grocery store with the clerk and im STILL THROWN OFF... yeeowch!!

thats the thing im very offputting to other people like. something about me, i can see it in their eyes, see the way they kinda. like im. somethings all wrong with me!!!! they dont like it, i cant imagine myself being charming but.. maybe if i start T, ill be less. dreadfully anxious about seeing other people, then maybe ill flourish a little more. we'll see, it still freaks me out the thought of loving someone more than my friends like TO ME i dont think its possible and i dont want to find out about it okay it makes me sick it feels like betrayal, never tell me otherwise or ill feel awful, its betrayal to me!!!! cuz i want to give my friends the most i can give, they deserve it, so like. what, am i supposed to give less? give someone else more?? like ew who are you1!!! i dont need you i just need my besties thats all i need :] but its still a nice thought isnt it? its cute

i think i just have like a limit on the amount of people i can know at one time, ive always wanted more friends and i have more friends now!! sooo i dont realy need anyone else then? its very easy for me to feel satisfied with what i have, of course i am!!! grateful even!!!! so im like. it just doesnt matter so much to me. nice thought but i dont see it happening like i dont really WANT it to happen like i do but also. like. listen.

am i still gonna throw down to little love songs? absolutely yes sir!! to me tho like its feelings i can easily project onto my friends SKFJS like how me and my bestie kiss eachother on the head okay. because i loooooove them, its so easy because i love them!! its a love song, i dont care what kind of love its made for, i feel love and ill hear it how i want :] ITS. its some weird social bullshit okay, who says we cant? who says we cant go on little friend dates and kiss and hug and be in love with eachother while also being JUST friends? WHO SAYS!!!! its what i dont get, theres some disconnect between romantic and platonic love that i dont see at all. why should one be more valued than the other? hogwash okay its gobbledygook its. nonsense!!! im glad i dont see it that way, the hard part is finding other people who also dont see it that way, i realize my feelings on it arent STANDARD.. still, im satisfied. i have a lot of love to give and im always allowed to give it, isnt that so wonderful?

[basaltbutch]

jesus fucking christ it feels so weird to be Aware

[angelspenance]

All 25 for Yuno please and thank you

Does this for rewrite Yuno so canon Yuno actually <3

1) Something this character is truly proud of.

Coming back from the grave she’s dug herself quite literally like after all the killing and suffering she’s managed to make good friends who genuinely care about her more than her shitty parents ever did

2) Who they want to please the most.

To begin with it was Yuki simply because Yuki was Just Sitting There and acknowledged Yuno as a human capable of emotion and thought but god Yuno needed that to the point where she fixated on his existence as means of coping with her own. Nowadays she just wants her gfs Mao and Hinata to be happy though <3

3) Who depends on them.

Their entire friend group depends on her experience and expertise in the game to survive as well as to work out a plan but afterwards? They still depend on her in a way of “you’re my friend and I care about you. Please show me how to properly use this knife so I can idk make a wolf carving or something :]” like they love her and Need her to be happy so they try really hard to remind her that her skills are still useful when they’re not fighting for their lives

4) What they would do if they had one month to live.

Yuno I think would isolate herself like she’d go “I’ve caused enough pain; it’s better for them just to think I finally ran off” but within a day Hinata would track her down and make her fess up and the rest of the month would be spent doing whatever Yuno had haphazardly jotted down onto her bucket list as advised by Aru

5) A cherished personal belonging.

Mao got her a stuffed animal & Hinata won her one at the fair once and neither of them leave her bedside because while her awful parents may have been rich they’d never bothered to buy her anything of comfort or out of genuine love so by god she clings to both of those stuffed animals for dear life every night that Mao and Hinata don’t share her bed

6) Something they lost, but would love to have back

Yuno never really had parents who loved her but she’d love to have a pair

7) This character’s favorite character

Yuno thinks Shiori rgu is Neat and then she’s like ahaha wait. Wait.

8) What kind of car they would drive.

Hm i don’t think Yuno would be a driving for the hell of it type but the honest answer to this is whatever is easiest to hotwire

9) What calms them when they are upset.

Yuno needs one of her gfs to stroke her hair and just. Not ask any questions for a little while

10) How they deal with pain.

Yuno still tries to completely ignore it despite her intentions to address it but Hinata will see her going a little Too Apeshit on the punching bag and then gently pressure her into admitting she’s going through Something before getting the words out of her mouth through the wall her brains created around her ability to be honest

11) This character’s favorite piece or pieces of clothing.

Mao’s mom knitted her a pink sweater and she loves it so so much because it’s physical proof of the fact she is loved and also it’s Pink

12) How they sleep.

Yuno cannot sleep unless she has the aforementioned stuffed animals &/or her gfs at her side or she’s tired/lost enough blood to just pass the fuck out. 99% of the sleep she does manage to get is haunted by bad memories intrusive thoughts and other brands of nightmares

13) What kind of parent they would be.

I think given the right amount of time to process what was done to her she could be a good parent because she wouldn’t wish what was done to her on anyone but she would just be relatively Awkward around kids despite always having candy on her when she visits any of her friends with kids like Yuno Gasai definitely does Try

14) How they did in school

Yuno struggles in school from being Out Of It thanks to her abusive parents for a considerable portion of it but she tries really hard to catch up and Hinata Mao and even Aru who doesn’t care for school themself will help her should she ask

15) What cologne or perfume they would use

Yuno sees cotton candy anything and goes “yooo fuckin sick :)”

16) Their sexuality

Lesbian. <3

17) What they’d sing at karaoke

Yuno would either break the fourth wall and sing blood teller or sing Magia like she just loves baller eds about love and death

18) Special talents they have

Yuno is Very Good with nearly every weapon you can imagine but also she can paint really well like it’s always abstract but god she can convey emotion extremely well through images

19) When they feel safest

Lying in the sun next to Mao and Hinata in Hinata’s dad’s old mansion like she is simply at peace in the warmth of the sun with only better days ahead of her..

20) Household chore they hate the most

Yuno hates having to clean her room because any evidence that she’s Lived somewhere without having to run and in comfort is something that she finds comfort in

21) Their fondest childhood memory

Minene shows Yuno girlsgogames dot com one day when she learns about how shitty Yuno’s parents were after the killing game’s passed and it’s not much but Yuno finds great solace in it

22) How they spend their money.

Yuno loves food like she will see cotton candy or cake or pocky and she’ll go “that’s it that’s going in the cart!” Also Yuno loves stuffed animals like she’ll buy at least one a month for her room and she’ll always give one to Mao and Hinata when the opportunity presents itself. Also she’ll see a pink gun and go el oh el Minene would u mind lending me ur- wait ur wanted internationally. Nishijima would u mind lending me ur id

23) What kind of alcohol they drink

Yuno just thinks alcohol is disgusting

24) What they wish they could change about themselves

Yuno wishes she could’ve figured out a Lot about herself sooner than she did like she wishes so badly she could’ve known the feeling in the pit of her stomachs wasn’t love it was fear for her life and the life of the single person she clung to for so long. She also desperately wishes she hadn’t taken so many lives that would’ve been fine had she not touched them.

25) What other people wish they could change about them

Yuno’s found family wishes that Yuno would stop being so hard on herself like yes she murdered many people but also her own parents stuck her in a cage she then put them in there and let them die before she was thrown into a killing game which she originally won and then repeated after she found out that she couldn’t bring people back from the dead then killed an alternate version of herself and she is 14.

[jwywrld]

voicemail

genre: fluff & slight angst

pairing: jung wooyoung (ateez) x fem reader

word count: 1900+ words

warnings: mention of loss of loved ones

summary: you don’t like phone calls but your history partner, wooyoung, insists on calling you for your project. frankly, he just wants to hear your voice.

-

a/n: hii i’m rly new to writing and this is my first post :) i’m rly nervous shdjs hope you like it! if i made any typos or errors i’m so sorry (also the title sucks im so sorry i really didn’t know what to name it)

-

ring! ring!

with a roll of your eyes, you pick up your phone. “ugh who is it. don’t they know i hate phone calls?” looking at the caller id, you saw that it was your history partner, wooyoung.

“hey! i heard we’re paired together for the history project!” a black haired boy chirped, bouncing up to you. “yeah.” you replied with a sigh. it was wooyoung, the nicest and most cheerful boy in your class. he seemed nice but you thought it was all an act. how could anyone be so nice to everyone all the time? it’s probably just to gain popularity. he was kinda cute though you had to admit. “great! just give me your number so we can work on it together.” he smiled, handing you his phone. after you keyed in your phone number, you turned and left, asking him to text you when he wanted to work on the project.

feeling your phone vibrate in your hand, you looked at it, seeing it was a text from an unknown number.

Unknown Number: hi! is this y/n?

y/n: who are you?

Unknown Number: it’s wooyoung, your history partner

y/n: oh

ok

wooyoung my history partner: can we start on the history project now? i wanna start on it earlier so we don’t have to rush it

y/n: can we start tomorrow

kinda tired now

wooyoung my history partner: sure! :)

“hello?”

“hi y/n!”

“why did you call me?”

“um.. because we have to work on the project?”

“wow didn’t know that. i meant why did you have to call me. can’t we just text?”

“calling is waaaayyy easier though!”

“i don’t like phone calls.”

“wha—”

you hung up.

about 3 seconds later, you got a text from wooyoung.

wooyoung my history partner: HEY!! why’d u do that! >:0

y/n: i told you. i don’t like phone calls. can’t we discuss over text?

wooyoung my history partner: No.

y/n: ugh

fine.

wooyoung my history partner: :D

immediately after, you heard your phone ring again. you sighed and picked it up.

“so... we have to choose between the mexican-american war or the cold war right?” you asked.

the two of you talked about the project for about an hour, researching and sharing the information you had found with each other, then collating it. in between, you guys made small talk and he told you a few jokes, causing you to let out small chuckles.

“ok that’s it for today. i still have work to do.” you said, your brain not being able to take any more history.

“ok bye—”

that wasn’t that bad! maybe phone calls weren’t as bad as you thought they were.

-

about 3 days later, you were practising some math questions. however, no matter how many times you tried it, you just couldn’t understand it. you decided to move on to the next question, only to find out that you were stuck as wel. frustrated, you felt the wet hot tears build up in your eyes. why do i have to be so dumb? why can’t i understand it right away? to make it worse, your exams were in two weeks and you had so much to catch up on. sitting at your table, you sobbed, the tears streaming down your cheeks uncontrollably.

feeling your phone vibrate furiously on the table, you saw that wooyoung was calling you. you declined it, wiping the tears away from your face.

wooyoung my history partner: why did you decline my call :((

y/n: do we really have to call???

wooyoung my history partner: i don’t understand! why do you hate calling people so much?

“y/n, your dad and i are going to be staying in New Zealand for a while to take care of gramps. i know you’re only 16 and it’ll be hard to be living alone but we’ll try to be back as soon as possible. we promise.”

“mom... why do i have to be left alone here?”

“sweetie.. we don’t have a choice.. gramps is really sick and needs someone to take care of him. i promise we’ll be back as soon as we can.”

those were the last words you had heard from your parents before they had gotten into a serious car accident right afteryour grandpa had passed. you had prayed for them to be okay for days, but to no avail. they had passed, leaving you, a 16 year old girl to fend for herself. after that incident, phone calls only reminded you of the day when the nurse had called you, informing you that your parents didn’t make it. it was one of the hardest years of your life, having to cope with the loss of your parents, grandpa and also having to get used to being alone. it had been 2 years and your aunt had been paying for the bills, insisting that you only repay her in the future when you had a stable job and income.

y/n: idk

wooyoung my history partner: wtv i’m still calling you idc

accepting defeat, you picked up the call, trying to calm your shaky voice.

“hi.” you said softly, your voice quivering.

“y/n? are you okay?” the concern in his voice genuine.

how did he pick that up from one word???

“yeah i’m fine. let’s just do this.” you sniffed.

“i’m not stupid y/n. but if you don’t wanna talk about it that’s okay.”

“thank you.” you croaked.

you let him do most of the talking while you typed down the points. after the discussion, you completely broke down again. not only because of stress but also because wooyoung’s question had reminded you of your parents.

“mom... dad... why did you have to go... i miss you so much. when can ever be happy again?”

-

after a week of calling wooyoung on the phone and discussing, you realised that you actually enjoyed talking to him. you also learned some things about him like how he was afraid of bugs and loved puppies. you also heard him talk about his younger brother and how much he missed him while he was staying at the dorms in school.

wooyoung my history partner: helloooo do you wanna meet tmr after school at the library to do the board

y/n: ok

wooyoung my history partner: can you bring the board & markers? i’ll bring paper & glue.

y/n: ok

wooyoung my history partner: ugh you’re such a dry texter

y/n: what did you expect me to reply to that???

wooyoung my history partner: ...

idk

y/n: exactly.

wooyoung my history partner: ok wtv see you tomorrow!!! :))

y/n: c u 2

why did you feel so nervous at the thought of meeting him tomorrow?

-

“hey woo” it was a nickname you had given him in the past week, thinking it was short and cute.

“hey y/n! did you bring the stuff?”

“yup”

“ok great”

you worked side by side, writing down the different notes and points, blushing when your hands accidentally brushed and mumbling a small ‘sorry’.

after two hours, your board was finally done!

“all that’s left to do is present”

“ugh that’s the WORST part”

“come onn y/n you know it’s graded! so let’s just do it properly”

-

a day later, before you called to practise your presentation. a thougut you had been pushing back popped into your head.

what happens to us after this project? i still want to stay friends. will he just pretend like nothing happened?

worry creeped in at the thought of being alone again without having anyone to talk to, even if the two of you did not talk much in school. however, others had noticed him occasionally staring at you during classes or breaks.

halfway through practising the presentation, curiosity and fear kicked in and you couldn’t help but blurt out

“woo what’ll happen to us after.. you know.. this?”

“what do you mean?”

“are we still gonna be.. friends?”

“why shouldn’t we be???”

“i don’t know.. i just thought.. maybe you wouldn’t have a reason to hang out with me anymore..”

“what?? you’re crazy. of course we can still be friends!! anyway let’s drop this subject and continue from where we left off.”

after hearing his words, you felt assured and relaxed. when another question popped into your head.

“woo? why do you like calling me so much?”

“i just... it’s just... weren’t we talking about the first phase of the cold war?” he cleared his throat.

“wooooooo~ you didn’t answer my question” you whined.

“how about we just focus on the project y/n?”

-

about half a year passed and you and wooyoung had soon become best friends. you facetimed each other everyday, talking about how your day went or ranting about the annoying teachers and classmates. you had told him about your parents, explaining why you were awkward and dry with people

what he didn’t know was that you had quickly developed feelings for him, but hiding it because you were scared of how he would react and afraid that you might lose your relationship with him.

it was one of the rare occasions when you were at his dorm, seated beside each other on the purple velvet sofa, just enjoying each other’s company while watching a movie.

“woo, remember when i asked you that question like. a while ago?”

“what question”

“why did you like calling me so much?”

“well... i... i... i guess i just had to do the history project with you?”

“we both know we could have just made a google document... so... why? i’m honestly soooo curious so just tell meeeeeee”

“fine. ijustlikedhearingyourvoiceiguess” he replied, cheeks turning pink.

“... you what”

“i just.. wanted to hear your voice you know?”

“oh”

“anyway y/n. what i’m trying to say is. i like you. a lot. i- i was scared to say this to you because i don’t want to lose our friendship but.. i don’t think i can keep this in anymore. i like you, y/n.”

gasping at his sudden confession and not knowing how to react, you just stared at him with wide eyes.

“ah shit i’ve screwed this up. i’m sorry y/n just. please ignore what i said.” he bit his lip.

“i... i- may or may not like you too?” you managed to squeak out, cheeks rosy.

suddenly, you felt a pair of lips on yours, eyes widening at his sudden movement. it was a short but sweet kiss, causing you to turn even redder than you already were.

“oh god y/n you don’t know how worried i’ve been about this. i’m so glad that you.. feel the same away about me!” he babbled.

“i..i’m afraid though, woo. what if... what if i lose you too? like i lost my parents.” your voice started to shake and tears welled up in your eyes at the thought of that.

he cupped your face in his hand, wiping your tears with his thumb.

“hey.. don’t say that alright? i’m here. i’m right here. i’m not leaving you.”

he pulled you in for a hug while you cried into his chest, letting the tears run. he held you in his arms until you stopped crying.

“how ‘bout i take you out on a date this saturday hm? how’s that sound?” he said, lifting your chin up so you would meet his eyes.

“great!” you smiled softly, melting into his gaze.

the next two hours were just spent cuddling, your head pressed against his chest, breathing in his scent while your legs were tangled up and he played with your hair and left little kisses on your head. it was the first time in a long time you had felt so happy, heart fluttering and exploding because you knew, finally, you weren’t alone anymore. wooyoung was here. and that was all that mattered.

[all-things-skam]

I don't know if you've seen the theories in which Ander could be sick It’s a little bit angsty hahaha (This is after what Guzman told him) Where Ander is in class and suddenly he starts feeling very sick and a lot of blood comes out of his nose, while the teacher calls an ambulance, Guzman calls Omar and warns him of the incident Omar immediately runs to him and idk HAHAHHA Sorry English is not my first language I LOVE HOW U WRITE

hi since ander and guzman didn’t really ended the season on good terms…(that moment was so fucking devastating omg) can you write something where ander is very sad and guilty but guzman doesn’t forgive him. but then something bad happens to ander and he gives in bc he still cares about him? or maybe ander is dealing badly with losing his best friend (drinking excessively,drugs etc) and omar is worried and he talks to Guzman about it and after seeing ander like that he forgives him?

aloo! Id like for u to write a fic about Omar bing worried for ander health! Thank youx

-

Title: It’s just a nosebleed

Ship: Ander Munoz + Omar Shanaa (Omander)

_______________

Next time you faint I hope you smash your head and bleed to death.

The words resonated in Ander's mind, Guzman's voice colder every single times. They haunted Ander's mind days and nights, the only way to shut them up being to drink until oblivion. Cert, alcohol wasn't the way to numb pain, but Ander didn't care. He just couldn't bare to hear them over and over again.

Although he deserved it, losing his best friend has caused so much more pain in Ander's heart than he was willing to admit. Guzman was so much more than a best friend; he was a brother to him. But, brothers don't stab each other's back. Brothers don't hide huge secrets like that. Especially when it concerns one's sister assassin's identity.

He couldn't imagine the pain he had caused Guzman by not telling him the truth. How he must feel knowing that, for months, he had partied, shared a bed and gone to class with his sister's assassin like nothing had happened.

Ander hated Polo for telling him that ugly secret. He had commit utter betrayal by killing Marina. And, forcing Ander to secrecy, forcing him to take his secret to the grave, was the most cruel thing he could possibly do. Ander didn't want to know, he didn't want to be forced to know about Polo's crime. Yet, Polo's selfish self decided he had enough of carrying this secret alone - along with Carla and Christian - and told Ander.

Ander also hated himself for not having the balls to tell his best friend that their other best friend had killed Marina. He had chosen to play safe, trying to not lose any of them, but learned the hard way that playing safe isn't always the best choice. Now, because he had kept that same ugly secret to himself, Guzman had crossed him out of his life and there was no hope for forgiveness.

''I think you should slow down on the alcohol, don't you think?'' Omar suggested as he brought his intoxicated boyfriend home after his shift at the club, praying that Mrs. de Munoz was sound asleep.

She didn't know about her son's drinking problem. It would break her to see that Ander had turned to alcohol to cope.

Ander wasn't heavy, but Omar wasn't Mr. Muscle. It didn't help that he was half conscious, making him, by consequent, heavier. He was hanging on Omar's neck as the latter struggled to make it up the stairs. If only he could help himself a bit...

Omar sighed as he deposed Ander on his bed and removed his shoes. He was tired of this. He was Ander's boyfriend, not his babysitter.

As much as he wanted to talk to Ander about his drinking habits, he knew the younger one would deny any alcohol problems. But, at the same time, Omar couldn't continue keeping things bottled for both his and Ander's sake.

He'd be lying if he said seeing his boyfriend drowning himself into alcohol didn't hurt him. It broke his heart knowing that Ander was hurting so much that he had to numb his pain with alcohol.

A bittersweet smile on his lips, Omar sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Ander was sleeping soundly.

.

Ander sat behind his desk in class, filling his exam sheet when he felt something wet dripping on his face. Instinctively, he wiped it with the back of his hand and realized it was blood. He sniffled, thinking it would go away and stop, but, seconds later, blood started dripping on his exam sheet, creating a couple red splatters. Shit.

He alerted Mrs. Cortez of the bloody - pun intended - issue and she gave him permission to go to the bathroom to get tissues and clean himself.

Left hand covering his bleeding nose, Ander rose from his seat, the chair screeching on the tiled floor as he pushed it back. Maybe he stood up too fast or maybe it was because of the previous nosebleeds he got that week and the loss of blood was catching on him, but he suddenly started feeling light headed and drowsy. By reflex, he gripped the edge of the desk, fingers trying to grab at something to gain steadiness.

In the row behind his, Guzman lifted his head, furrowing his eyebrows at his old best friend's behavior. ''Ander?'' said Guzman's voice worriedly, ignoring the silence during exams rule. ''You okay?''

At the moment, Guzman didn't care that he and Ander weren't on speaking terms. He still cared about him deep down and, although he meant his words back then, seeing Ander on the verge of fainting had terrified him. When he had fainted at the Christmas party back in December, it was because of alcohol. Now, given that they were at school during exam week, it couldn't be that which worried Guzman.  

Ander didn't have time to answer Guzman's concerns that the latter was reaching out for him, grabbing Ander before he could fall and hit his head.

.

As Mrs. de Munoz got in the ambulance with her son, Guzman did what felt right and called Omar, informing him of the incident. If something like that had happened to Nadia, he would've liked to know.

.

When Omar made it to the hospital, he saw Ander's mom in the hallway. She seemed surprised, but not shocked to see him. On the contrary, she would have been even more surprised if he hadn't showed up.

Omar had been living with them for six months now and Azucena had grown very fond of him. Unlike Ander, Omar was a better help to the house. He knew how to clean, do laundry and cook - with guidance. He also deeply cared about Ander and she could sense it. His presence at the hospital was a proof.

As soon as Omar saw her, he gave a her a tight hug, knowing that they both needed it right now. ''What happened? Is he okay?'' Omar demanded, a little in shock. He pulled back, trying to search in her eyes for reassurance.

''He gave us quite a scare.'' Azucena took a breath, trying to control her emotions. ''He got a nosebleed and fainted in class. The doctor said it's iron deficiency anemia. We'll know more when he gets back with the results.''

When he got the call from Guzman saying Ander had left in an ambulance, Omar hadn't been surprised. He knew that if Ander continued not taking care of himself, something would happen. And, it did.

''Is he okay?''

She nodded and smiled at him thinly. ''You can go see him.''

.

Hand on the handle, about to open the door, Omar paused. He didn't know what to expect. Hospitals were never good news. They always gave him an uneasy feelings in his stomach. The last time he came to the hospital, his father had a heart attack and, when he glanced at him in the bed, he didn't look well. He was attached to wires and tubes and Omar felt sick. Although Ander's situation was less dramatic, Omar couldn't help but imagine the worse.

Exhaling a breath, Omar pushed the door and walked in. The room was dimly lit, the curtains pulled to make it easier for Ander to rest.

Having heard the door open, the younger one turned his head and pulled his eyebrows. ''Omar?''

His face was pale and he looked exhausted. There was an IV attached to his arm, giving him nutrients he was lacking from his alcohol diet. A part of Omar wanted to scream at Ander 'I told you so', but another part just wanted to pull him in his arms and thank the sky that he was alive.

Ander wasn't expecting to see Omar here. He thought he could get off easy and somehow hide this trip to the hospital from him, pass it off as some stomach bug. But, now that he was here, there was no point in lying. Omar had enough shit going on, the last thing he wanted was to get his mind preoccupied with this.

''Who told you I was here?'' he asked. ''I thought you were working today.''

Omar approached his bedside, huffling a small laugh. ''You're gonna have difficulty believing me, it's Guzman.''

Ander frowned, having difficulty to believe him. ''What? Guzman? I...'' He shook his head, denying the information he wasn't capable to process. ''Why would Guzman do that? He doesn't even care about me anymore...'' The last words caused Ander's voice to frail a little.

There was no way that Guzman would've cared. He made that clear when he spoke those cruel words to him the day they arrested Polo. As cruel as they were, Ander knew that he deserved them. He didn't deserve his friendship, he didn't even deserve Omar. He was such a shitty person, a shitty son, a shitty friend, a shitty boyfriend-

The heart monitor was starting to act up, the line making rapid jumps as Ander was getting worked up. Seeing this, Omar sat on the edge of the bed and cupped Ander's face with the other, fingers grazing his curls. ''Ander? Ander, look at me.''

If he didn't calm him quickly, a nurse would come in.

The younger one's eyes finally looked up, gazing into Omar's. ''Ander, baby...'' Omar held his gaze, trying to prevent his mind from going back to what he was thinking, what got him worked up.

Once Omar felt like Ander had calmed down, he sat on the small chair beside the bed.

''Do you know when you're getting out?'' he asked, changing subject.

''Hopefully soon. It'll depends of the test results.''

Omar nodded. ''I talked with your mom. She said there's a high possibility you have iron-deficiency anemia. I knew those nosebleed were serious. Especially when happening so frequently...'' He pushed his face in his hands, blaming himself.

Ander reached out, putting his hand over his boyfriend's forearm. ''You couldn't have known, Omar-''

''I should've worried more! Fuck. I could've prevented this if I hadn't left you drink so much alcohol.''

''Anemia has nothing to do with the drinking. I have a high carence in iron.''

''Still. Alcohol mustn't be good for you. Especially at the pace and frequency you're drinking.''

Ander looked down, admitting defeat.

Omar had kept his mouth shut for so long, but he had enough. What happened today scared him and he felt partly responsible for the incident. Maybe if he had spoke up instead of carrying Ander to his room every nights, he wouldn't have fainted in class.

''I get that you're hurt and sad because you lost your best friend, but life doesn't end because a friendship is broken. You've got to take care of yourself, Ander. I get that you lost an important person, but I'm here, and your mom is too. Don't you think it's hurting us to see you destroy your health? I haven't told your mom about your drinking habits, and I'm not going to, but I think you should reflect on it. I don't think she'd like to find out that her son is turning into an alcoholic.''

Ander's features hardened, jaw clenching at the harsh word. ''I'm not an-''

''You are! Alcoholics drinks every day and, since Christmas, there's not a day I haven't seen you without a drink in hand.'' Omar sighed, gaining control of his emotions. He didn't want to scream at Ander, he just wanted to get his point across. ''I'm not telling you this to hurt you. I'm telling you this because I care about you. Because I love you and I wouldn't forgive myself if something were to happen to you because I didn't intervene when it was still time.''

Omar's words put Ander into deep thinking. He didn't realize what was happening - not to this extent. He knew he was drinking more than he should've, but not this much. Maybe Omar was right. Maybe he was an alcoholic. The possibility brought tears to his eyes. Fuck. He can't fall into that rabbit hole. His parents had just finished signing the divorce papers, he couldn't do that to his mom. She had been through enough.

''I...I'm sorry. I didn't realize what I was doing. I just kept drinking and didn't think of the side effects of alcohol binge. I just liked not thinking about anything, forgetting the shit happening in my life,'' Ander explained, ashamed of himself.

Omar reached out and grabbed his hand, showing support. ''I know, but don't you think it's time to try another solution? Instead of trying to numb your mind to forget the sad stuff, why don't you focus on the happier stuff? Do things that make you happy to forget about the sad stuff.''

Ander nodded, liking the idea. ''Like what, though? I don't know if you've noticed, I don't have friends anymore.'' He let out a dry laugh.

''You have me,'' Omar reminded, nudging him. ''I could take a night off every week and watch movies together instead of going out? Or we could get dinner, just the two of us?''

''Netflix and chill?''

Omar snorted, cheeks flushed. Of course, that's what he's thinking about. ''If you want.''

''I'd like that. But, I don't want you to take days off for me. You need the money-''

Rolling his eyes, Omar sighed. ''One night off won't cut me that much money, Ander. And, you've been there for me when my father kicked me out, it's my turn to be there for you.''

Fair.

For a relationship to be healthy, one can't just give, give, give and never take. You have to accept your partner's help and stop thinking you're a bother. Omar wouldn't have offered to take a day off to spend time with him if he hadn't genuinely wanted to.

The curly haired one sighed. ''Okay.''

''What movie do you want to watch first? Your body is still weak from the blood loss and fainting, you should take it chill tonight.''

Ander nodded. ''It's been so long since we spent a night just the two of us. I miss it.'' He bit his lip, glancing at his boyfriend.

''I miss it too.''

Omar stood from his chair, reading Ander's mind, and leaned for a kiss that quickly became inappropriate for hospitals. Hands slid on each other's body as tongues slipped in, almost forgetting where they were.

A squeal escaped Omar's lips when Ander's hand squeezed his ass through the denim fabric, taking him by surprise. He broke the kiss, narrowing his eyes. ''What are you doing?! We're at the hospital. Your mom is right on the other side of that door.''

Ander shrugged, laughing.

[miserybegins]

i use my blog like a diary and today i realized i never talked about what happened in my life while i was blog-less from april to august so:

so my blog was suspended right before my 10 year tumblr anniversary with that blog which was april 5th i believe.

on april 6th i flew to san diego to do the 6 california dates of the frank/tbs tour. the tour was so much fun!!! we went to disney for two or three days that we had off from the tour which was a lot of fun. 

the highlight of the tour was the second night in LA because I MET RAY!!!! while tbs was on i saw ray hanging back in the crowd and i couldn’t help myself i had to go say hi so i introduced myself and told him how much the music meant to me, it was really brief cause the show was going on and it was super loud and he was with his wife but he was like the gentlest and nicest man ever....however i had to go chug a 20 dollar beer right afterwards to cope.

we figured gerard and mikey were there as well since they all always go to frank LA shows but im glad i didnt see gerard cause that would just cause a breakdown im a simple man and gerard way makes me cry!

but frank did come talk to us that night, it was the only opportunity i really got on that tour to talk to frank and i hadnt talked to him since last summer when i got really bombed at a tribute show and talked to him while black out drunk which i dont remember. so i had a really good talk with him and i was like i dont know WHY im telling you this but i reminded him how i told him about my alopecia a while back and how mcr had helped me cope with that well while i was in california i tested not wearing a hat to cover my alopecia for the first time and even though it was super scary everyone treated me the same and i did itt! i survived!! so i reminded him how i told him about that and then told him how i had been combatting that on the trip and he seemed so genuinely happy for me he was like that is so awesome and he hi fived me. and it was good i really love frank. oh also i told him we were going to get tattoos in san fransisco and he told us to go to idle hand so

in san fransisco we did go to idle hand to get tattooed! i got a heart on my middle finger and my broken armed boozey that frank drew up for me after i had broken my arm at his show and frank had warned us that they might not be the friendliest people but they were great tattoo artists so we were like scared?? but my guy was so fucking nice and literally hugged me when i tipped him and he thought it was so cool that we were following the tour so idk...good experience.

when i got home from the tour though it was a few weeks until my 25th birthday and i didnt want to live so i went inpatient for almost 2 weeks :( but then i got out and had my birthday and lived i guess lmao

when i went back to work i had like nO MONEY because i spent all of it in california but frank had east coast shows coming up and the release of barriers and i was just like if i dont go i am gonna lose my fucking mind! and my friend convinced me to go to harrisburg and she bought my ticket so i was like yay! amen! this friend is always so good to me i cant explain.

anyway this is my favorite thing. im standing outside the venue talking to my friends before doors and the band walks out the front cause theres only one entrance and theyre going to the bus but frank seens me and walks the other way to come over and shake my hand and tell me it was good to see me ;____; literally rerouted himself to say hi to ME specifically i was like...wah. im baby. i LOVE HIM.

i ended up getting stupid drunk at the show and woke up in the back seat of my car the next morning still parked across from the venue..dont recommend. but im saying this because it is a plot point!

i got in a lot of trouble for going to pennsylvania without telling anyone and not answering any texts or calls when everynoe was still really worried about me but then a couple weekends later there were more shows....the show frank played on a boat and a signing the next day.

so my friends again paid for me to go because they thought it was important for me. which it was. the boat show was fun but i felt so sick because it was on a literal moving boat and i hadnt eaten or slept but i was extremely overcaffeinated....so when we got to the hotel that night i fell asleep for 15 hours straight i was asleep before my friend even got out of the shower and i did NOT wake up.

the signing the next day was really weird for me. they played a few songs which was fine but then to ‘meet’ frank at a signing was super weird cause he and evan were at this table and i just didnt knwo what to say and i felt really awkward and it was a weird shift in dynamic from how i usually talk to them so i feel like i came off as super nervous and then i was liek frank htates me now cause he thinks i am nervous to talk to him...but then my friend was talking to me about it and we realized that it had been a really long time since id talked to frank sober. and it was sad to realize that but also cool that i could make that realization and move forward from it.

so the NEXT weekend i went to the last show which was asbury lanes. saw a lot of pals there. i could have drank but i didnt drink at all and i had the best time....i was amazed by the lighting idk if it was just really good that night or if i hadnt paid any attention cause id always been drunk but it felt really good and i told frank about it after the show!!

but the whole time that all was happening i was like really fucking depressed and i didnt think i was going to even make it home that time. i did make it home but a few days later i tried to kill myself and ended up in inpatient for the whole month of july. :/

when i got out though i made some changes like leavig chipotle and getting a job at hot topic before anyone expected me to go back to work and i also started taking a bio class which is hopefully now going to turn into me doing a surgical tech program starting in the fall!

im still very depressed but im doing better, even i can admit.

if you read this whole thing you are a champ...

[bsidebf]

Can you summarize the kin memories? I wanna hear em! I haven’t gotten any yet, and I wanna get an idea how they can be like.

idk if it will actually help but ill try!!

im puttin them under the cut bc it might get long haha

also since these are summaries, dont take their lengths as having more memories! some that are shorter may have near the same or more memories than others!

b-side boyfriend:

my name was ryan and gf's name was sophie. my hair was dyed but pico's wasnt, i was also childhood friends with him. sophie and i's relationship was not super healthy, instead of her dad sending people after me it was her (she wanted me to "prove my love" or some shit). i was legit simping so hard i didnt care about this or other red flags. the biggest of which was when after pico started trying to point out how sketchy she was she forbade me from speaking to him. other than that i think most characters roles were the same, aside from senpai ofc (check out the b side mod for the explanation of that).

whitty:

pretty much same as canon at least in origin. tgg lost track of me and i ended up rooming with some guys who i ended up forming an underground punk band with. we got a little to popular for my own good, and it got the attention of daddy dearest and he alerted tgg. i had an argument with my bandmates after gf came to warn me and i fled. i met hex quickly after that, and he was a lot different than canon hex (so much different that i cant really go into too much detail here lol), and carol some time after. both offered me lodge but i never stayed more than a week straight, anxiety keeping me moving.

when bf found me he cornered me into a rap battle as his usual. after the third song i exploded but bf and gf were able to get away. my explosion sizes actually varied so it just left a lot of damage in the alley. bf came and found me about two weeks later to apologize, which actually worried me since i felt like hed found me too easily. I guess he sensed my discomfort and tried to ease my worries, assuring me that he wasn't there to harm me or tell anyone my location. I guess GF told him what she knew about me after all (I don't think he knew when we'd met previously). He just wanted to apologize for pushing my limits and that I didn't even have to forgive him. I instantly did mentally, but lied and told him I'd think about it just to get him to leave. I felt bad about doing that, but I did need some time to reflect. I did tell him I forgave him later.

also i think bf's name was some variation of jay or jaydin.

senpai:

i have the fewest memories for him jsyk

i was the game character, spirit was not me. spirit fused to my code and gave me sentience and it freaked me out really bad. also daddy dearest's watch had something to do with spirit but idk what yet.

mean minus bf:

the other bf's were my brothers, we were all interested in different people. beta bf was with gf, i think blue may have had a crush on senpai, and i was head over heels for pico. i was way to stubborn to admit this for a long long time, but eventually we ended up together so it was nice. also everyone was on pretty good terms with each other, even us and gf's parents. pico was also some kind of were-lizard? idk lol

hex (timeline 1):

pretty similar to canon in origin. i had a big friend group that consisted of bf, pico, whitty, and garcello. bf dated gf for a bit but realized he wasnt really interested in women but they stayed close friends and he had crushes on all of us at one point or another lol. i mostly remember non-important feeling stuff from this canon like and attempt at making soup for bf when he got sick.

none of us were fully human i think lol; pico was a demon and garcello was some kind of shadow monster?? thing?? yeah

id share more from this but i dont really wanna put triggering stuff and prefer to keep it light for this post anyway.

hex (timeline 2):

hanahaki au. yeah, this is where the idea for the ask blog came from. again id like to keep it light here but uh. lets just say not everything from this is the same as the ask blog. i will say though that i was really close to static and displo and considered them like cousins.

updike (timeline 1):

beta storyline au. got the blue trench coat and was taller than whitty. we were just rivals, i worked as a weatherman. tgg actually did still exist but i never worked for them. they existed because a lot of people in that world had powers, they were more of a regulatory organization. a shady one though, if you were deemed dangerous or used your powers for bad theyd hunt you down and study how to suppress your powers or worse make you work for them. it was weird and kinda freaky.

updike (timeline 2):

this is the updike were used to. since i was only 4 years older than whitty, the guy hunting the bomb before me was actually my dad. when my mom died in an accident involving whitty my dad brought me to tgg to join the ranks. years later though i would come to understand whitty better and wanted to quit, but realized tgg isnt the kind of organization you can just leave whenever. that, and if i left someone new would just torment whitty. i had a lot of regrets about everything and i even became a bit dependent on alcohol (specifically wine) to cope.

static:

everything i know is pretty much the same except the end of the rap battle with bf was the scrapped "funk'd up" ending. i malfunctioned right as i was trying to leave and i didnt end up escaping the tv world. not gonna go into too much detail here bc its kinda just really sad.

[irregulardiaryposts]

16:35 01/03/2021

so. its now march!!!!! march is an okay month. but it also means its been a year since corona really kicked off and thats proper weird to think about. it feels like absolutely fuck all has actually changed but yet im a very different person yk. i played minecraft for 10 hrs last week. im addicted to it. this time last year i was kinda sick and we thought i had corona but since testing wasnt really available i just had to stay home ages. it was horrible but to think that was a whole YEAR ago is absolutely fucking wild. 

anyway back to minecraft. i absolutely love it. its such a simple game and you can truly play however you want to. like. if u dont want to bother beating the enderdragon or doing any serious grind stuff, you can literally just fuck about doing whatever you wanna do... u wanna build a little cottage in the woods? yes. u wanna pick lowers and decorate and build cute farms? yes. u wanna explore a vast and expansive world filled with literally endless possibilities and find pets and loot and different biomes and blocks? yes. you wanna mess around with ur friends? yes. u wanna do pvp or multiplayer games? yes. u wanna meet new people? yes. u wanna play by yourself and become exceedingly rich? yes. u wanna do all this and comforted by the melodic tunes and beautiful landscapes? yesssssssss. it literally has something for everyone but people get so pissy about how others play its soooo annoying. like so what if someone wants to go into creative and cheat or they wanna play on peaceful or they have keep inventory on? they are playing the game in the way they enjoy the most, the way that makes them happiest, makes them comforted, allows then to enjoy playing it. coz i bet if everyone was made to play the exact same way and there was no way to customise your experience, it would not be nearly as popular as it is. it probs wouldve died out if people werent enjoying it because they got frustrated by it, or too scared to lose their things to progress in the game, or too anxious to play because its scary and they dont know how to beat things. or if people play solely in creative and they enjoy that the most and wanna try survival, they dont deserve to get made fun of coz they want to ease their way into harder things. or if someone just wants to build or just explore or just tame a million dogs, as long as they are happy they are already enjoying the game to the max, they dont deserve people being like “ if u play without X youll enjoy it more coz thats the way we play it” like fuck off it would be like if a hardcore players was like “play in hardcore or ur stupid” ppl would get mad because thats not the way they want to play it and they wouldnt enjoy it as much or at all as the hardcore player does. and dont even get me started on this whole bedrock vs java bs. this its such a waste of time like??? who benefit from this argument? because its silly java players think they are automatically better than every bedrock player because they have java. 

like obviouslyyyyyy java is better and im sure a lot of bedrock players would rather java, but u cant lie and say that a lot of og players didnt start on bedrock and then upgrade to java, because as kids u cant really afford a proper pc but everyone has an xbox or an ipad lol. like they literally forget that they probably started playing on bedrock too. and its so stupid because yes while bedrock is a little shit in comparison to java, ITS STILL THE SAME FUCKING GAME just be glad were not fucking fortnite players jesus its pathetic. yes this is essentially a minecraft post and what fucking about it. i told u im obsessed with it. 

i should talk about something else. perhaps my crippling procrastination? its absolutely abysmal how shit at school i am now. i get two unconditional offers and suddenly i think i dont need to do a single bit of work (its kinda true tho) i only have three classes and in doing 1 and 1/2 of them. im not even bothering studying for prelims/exams whatever the fuck because im hopeless. theres no point because even if i do end up doing the exam and i fail theres absolutely no consequences because i have 0 shame. ill walk out of an exam i failed with my head held high because i know uni will be so much better - ill only have one subject, one i actually enjoy and want to do work for (only somewhat tho, my procrastination problems still carry through, im actually doing this instead of a 15 min thing for class but whatever) ill have a reduced working day, i can focus on just one subject, ill have other things to work on too like a part time (scary) and car (exciting) and ill get to meet new people that also want to learn spanish and are interested in it too, and i want to make more friends and i want to be more independent (moving out??? hopefully but also scary) 

i cant believe im actually at a point in my life where im actually interested in the future and want to live to see it (lol yeah) like i wonder what 13 yo me would think. even 15 yo me. i wonder how 20 yo me will look back on this. hi me if ur reading. do u have a s/o?? or new friends? how many new experiences have u had? are u comfortable in ur life? struggling ? happy? i hope ur happy coz u deserve to be. i deserve to be. i hope u have a good time reading these. i dont know if ill ever forget about this blog or not. what was i talking about tho. procrastination. its horrible, I hope u get that fixed pls tell me u do. also please tell me u get better at typing.  this has accidently turned into a speaking to ur future self thing. ill stop now. 

im a very good procrastinator. and my ability to actually focus on stuff has been getting comical. idk if its the pandemics fault or mine or schools but is a bloody issue and it needs to get better. i guess its coz i just have absolutely 0 energy do do what i need to or it just absolutely does not interest me to do it and i know theres absolutely no consequences to it looool. 

every now and then theres a day where i feel very unproductive and lazy and it feels like how it used to. a sort of growing annoyance at myself and feeling like a slug. idk some days i feel teleported back to like almost 4 years ago and idk what to do about it. i used to have a coping mechanism (?) where if i felt bad about stuff id just shower, wash my hair and put on new pjs and do something i wanted to do. it kinda put me in a clearer headspace and allowed be to get out of a slump for like 20 mins. u could call it self care or whatever but it genuinely was like washing the bad thoughts away and starting anew (is that the word) like i was able to think more rationally and get back into the semi real world but i was also doing it because i never used to have a proper shower routine, i used to go days without showering or getting out of bed for much and it kinda feels good to have this little reboot thing where i just shower to get me away from straying back there. 

idk. am i articulating well enough. ive written a lot i think. is there any more updates? nothing really apart from my growing disinterest in all things school lmao. anyway until next time i suppose (will probs be either never or like june lol)

[beebosbitchh]

1-65 ;)

holy heck ! thank you sophiw i lov u 🍒

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

i dont understand this question?? like sometimes i doubt my own existence and other times i doubt that i exist to certain ppl? ya?

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

2,, normal amount? like good for sleep but pitch black is scaryy but not to the point i need the escape ?? if that makes sense??

3. The person you would never want to meet?

guy fieri, i dont think i need to know if hes actually real ? like is he real and from this dimension or from flavortown (which he has a very scarily detailed description of)?? thats not something i need to know

4. What is your favorite word?

hmm, probably ‘fam’ obviously

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

a willow tree !!!!!!!!!! i just talked to my mom about this :-0

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

ngl but i dont look in the mirror anymore unless its lip syncing along to a song sung by a guy/someone w a deeper voice bc i feel like it suits me better! gotta love coping w dysphoria!

7. What shirt are you wearing?

baseball tee, gay

8. What do you label yourself as?

nb, lesbian, fool

9. Bright room or dark room?

dark room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

slepe

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

10-11 when i was in 5th grade. i still only had two friends but i was way more extroverted and everything was so carefree and i was very invested in adventure time and art. i think that was the most of a childhood i got? i honestly did not do much as a kid and i wish i had..

12. Who told you they loved you last?

sophiw ! tumblr user almightyportraits ! the loml !

13. Your worst enemy?

x

14. What is your current desktop picture?

one from apple called ‘abstract shapes’ its very orange but also blue which is my fave color pairing atm so its perfect

15. Do you like someone?

tumblr user vahilla

16. The last song you listened to?

megan played ‘marceline’ by willow in her car ! a song i suggested to her a few months ago and it makes me very happy that she likes it especially bc we bonded over adventure time in 6th grade :-)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

mmyy seelfff ??

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

mmmyseyyffelllff ??

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? 

eh whats the point

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

n o ne ? 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

what is the opposite of nb,, i feel like if i was opposite of how i present id be a girl, which is a verryyy weird thought for me, pass

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

no :-/

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

uh first of all blood, like, ill pass out,, second of all,, literally everything worries me

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

jimmy johns #16, turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, NO MAYO

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

im a very practical person so the least boring answer i can come up w is more art supplies

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

denmark

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

fukcing , acetoNe

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i think a FIRST rule would have to be pretty IMPORTANT so probably smt like how ~WE THE PEOPLE~ are all EQUAL would be a pretty good start and pretty UNDENIABLE and STRAIGHT FORWARD especially if it was the FIRST thing in this,, hmm lets call it the CONSTITUTION, in the completely hypothetical society

29. What is your favorite expletive?

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuk cufck ufc kfuck 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

sunglasses??!!! that shit gotta be bright huh>?? gotta protect my retinas 

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i wanna say my first relationship made me a better person but that shit was rreeeaaallyyyy fucking awful and 4 months (+recovery months) that i will never get back and i think ? maybe ?? i wouldve been ok without it ? idk just a thought

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! 

spain ?!?!? why not + i sorta know the language? thatd b cool

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

zoey my dog :-( i miss her a lot, this month it will have been two years oh my god i miss her so much

34. What was your last dream about?

the last one i remember was a nightmare about someone tryna murder me i was very scared

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

i think so , when i was two i got really really sick and couldve died ?

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

ahh yes ! we gave hhimm,, fruit snack nipples, please forgive me fathr

38. What is the color of your socks? 

grey w blue n orange stripes ( again i lov blue n orange together, my shirt is teal and i have an orange hat on wow)

39. What type of music do you like?

all! i had to train this new guy at work and im sooo awkward but once why started talking about music it was easy for me to talk bc it was smt we both really like !!! i felt like i could actually communicate w feeling a disconnect it was nice ! we talked mostly about rap which was cool and unexpected but i could do it ? i really love music and i love being able to know enough to talk about it ,, isk 

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises, ive been pushing myself to wake up unreasonably early to have more time to myself and i get to watch the sunrise most days which is nice

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate 

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

whom?

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

college? god i dont even know… smt w art.. by an illustrator or art teacher or freelance artist or graphic designer ,, i really dont know

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

one thing ?!!?!? i wish i was neurotypical

46. Are you reliable?

yes? i try hard to be? i hope so ?

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

u still a lil bitch ?

48. Do you hold grudges? 

nope i try not to, ive had too many toxic petty people in my life that i dont need to be one myself.. now this is grudges w/o reason, but if ive given people several ‘second chances’ and theyre still (thumbs down) then ill avoid them but w/i reason?

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

DOG HORSES BIG DOGs

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

mm probably smt w my lab partner from last year. she always sends me weird quotes from a fanfiction shes reading and its weird but i really appreciate that she still talks to me or talks to me at all tbh

51. Are you a good liar?

nooo ?? i try not to lie? mb not tell the full truth but idk , i feel like id feel too guilty

52. How long could you go without talking?

uhh literally days like i already fucking do.. i m taking this as verbally but i dont get texts so like, it would not be hard

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

before i went to short hair i used to alllwaayyys wear a tight ponytail every single day bc i wasnt girly enough to do anything w it and it was really really gross like thank god i cut it all off

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

heck yeah

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

*clears throat*

h-

hewwo?

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter and jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

x

58. What would be you dream car?

razor scooter

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

sometimes im just too physically or emotionally exhausted to stand so ill just,, lay down? ive fallen asleep in the shower before ha

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yup

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

whenever it comes up but i dont ,, seek it out

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

Q

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons tf

64. What do you think about babies?

evil, ugly, dont see the appeal. open ur eyes ppl !!!! bbs are n Ot cute !!

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

x

[letpapersleep]

do all the stevie uni asks

oh my God.Steven - Would you concider yourself a good friend? How has your way of treating friends and other people changed over time? i think id consider myself a good friend most of the time!! i twy my best, yeah ive changed & my friends have changed but i think its for the netter?Garnet - What do you look for in a partner? Are you in a relationship right now? What is really important to you in a relationship? i look for uhhh friendliness and that we both seem into each other? im not in 1 rn and i dont actually want to be that bad, trust and not smotheryness! just a good sweet time!!Pearl - Name five things you love about yourself and your personality and five things you hate hmmm ok wuv:1. i can do art kinda good2. my hairs finally grown out more3. i enjoy complimenting ppl4. i like my aesthetic taste (duh)5. ig im funny?ok callout tyme, hate:1. im suck at communication sometimes2. if im alone im just soo lazy all day3. im so dam oblivious4. irl im kind of bitchy sometimes &its nyo fun5. oh You KnowoAmethyst - How is the relationship of you and your body? Do you have self-esteem issues? How do you cope with that?;3cBismuth - What are your morals? What do you concider right or wrong? What is something you could never do because it would hurt your moral views? uhhh my morals are pretty normal? i think being hateful to someone who hasnt done anything to deserve it is shitty, but so is supporting someone bad. i would never kill someone ?? theres a lot against my morals like most really bad things r Connie - What are/were you like as a student? In which subjects do/did you have difficulties? Which do/did you love? that one shitty teachers pet kid except rlly tired & quiet, uhhh Math Hard, i love most subjects ever now and then , art class is Rlly good :)Peridot - What fandoms are you into? Do you own any merchandise? Do you draw fanart sometimes or do you even write fanfiction? im into a bunch of podcasts and eddsworld fandoms! i do a bunch of fanart! Lapis - How do you feel about your past and your past-self? Do you easily let go of bad memories or is moving on hard for you? uhh at my past self its like thw opposite of that youre doing amazing sweetie vinemoving on is usually fineJasper - Are you hard on yourself? Do you push yourself to get better and better? How much do you care about your health? i dont think im 2 hard on myself usually, i am a perfectionish thoooi Hate being sick so if i feel sick ill b nice to myself so i can feel better!Ruby - What do you usually get angry about? How do you express anger? uhh im usually angery about vewy petty things irl, i express anger by looking grumpy and beinf harsher when i talk, idk i try not 2 be angery oftenSapphire - Do you tend to overthink and overanalyze things and see problems everywhere? How do you cope with stress? i try not to! i cope with stress with calm fun distractión media & avoiding the stressRose - Name your favorite animals and plants. Do you have any pets or plants?CATS!!! snakes and butterflies. i like almost all plants except posion ivy is my biggest mortal enemy. I DO i have a cat named nova shes black and the love of my life. also a white cat named birthday hes the family catGreg - What music do you like? Any favorite genre, bands or singers? Name your current favorite songohhhh i like upbeat 80-90s music the most currently!!! my fave artist is absofacto please listen to his music is so Goodcurrent fave song is lifted up by passion pit god what a banger