#that yellow tulip kills me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

paperstarwriters · 11 months

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Hello hope your day is amazing

I was wondering if you could write a Muriel x florist reader where when Muriel is making his once in awhile trip into vesuvia he goes past the readers shop and she gives him tulips because he looks sad and he takes them but after he's gone they forget him obv but the next time he comes into town it happens again and again until he finally gives the reader myrrh and then they remember all those times and get really embarrassed

My first request!!! Wow!!! Now technically I haven’t had any explicit availability on requests because of classes but, well I may just open them up now! (Of course though not all requests will end up this long 😅)

Also, I just wanna mention, that when I first got this request my day had been a little bit of a mess but this certainly brightened it thanks so much!! 💕💕💕💕

By the way, Anon, I am SO sorry I took so long to write this. It ended up getting really long and then I ended up deleting everything and rewriting everything because I thought it could’ve been better lol—Not an excuse, but I kinda wanna be transparent about these things because it helps me acknowledge that no, I did not magically make a perfect fanfic on my first go, and other authors do not make perfect fanfics in one go.

Also I understand that this has since been requested to someone else now too because I was taking so long, and I really don’t mind, though I feel kinda bad to have been so slow. Unfortunately life just tends to interfere and all that.

Anyways,

A Flower a Day Keeps The Lonely At Bay

Pairing: Muriel x Flowershop!Reader

Warnings: Lack of communication (ie. Muriel being shy), awful & rich customers, who pay the cops to chase you down, Reader also Swears. Summary: A flower a day keeps the lonely at bay, but two to three more, and I’m here at your door, ever waiting, ever waiting, never sure never sure.

Muriel finds himself making visits outside of his hut a little more frequently than usual, accumulating a small bouquet of flowers made larger by a few flowers at a time with every trip he makes to the market.

The only issue is, he hasn’t exactly paid for these.

Masterlists | The Arcana Masterlist

Word Count: 14, 181

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Muriel watched as red washed down from the coliseum stands.

He should be grateful. The sight should uplift him—should release that tension tied deep in his chest. It should fill his chest with something other than dread.

After all, for once, it wasn’t blood.

Red roses drip down from above, their petals peeling away from the bright blooming flowers, cut in the peak of their beauty fluttering in the wind, catching in the sunlight, and falling onto the hot arena sands, still yellow, still free from blood, now stained with a new shade of red. The audience cheers instead of screams, clapping instead of booing. They throw flowers instead of stones.

All for his opponent.

A foreign fighter from a kingdom not too far away, his opponent bathed with open arms in the rain of flowers and roses, smiling and waving at the people above who cheered and wailed their name in rapt awe and delight.

If he were sitting in the stands, watching the battle from afar, he’s certain he would see how clunky and awkward he had been fighting. Lucio had told him that unlike his usual “criminal” opponents he was not to kill the foreign fighter lest he piss off the other kingdom, and wile he wasn’t sure exactly when Lucio had grown so conscious of other people’s feelings, Muriel had been grateful for the chance not to kill his opponent.

It was naïve of him to assume it was something he could simply stop doing.

With every swing of his massive axe, made to cleave heads from their shoulders, Muriel found himself faltering. With every attack, he wondered if this was the swing that would kill his opponent, if this was the swing that would start a war between kingdoms. His opponent, who had no such qualms, was able to slowly whittle away at his defenses until they knocked him to the sand and pressed a dagger to his throat.

When Muriel was shuffled out of the coliseum to be slotted away into the cold cell they called his room, he watched as the other fighter received a glory he never saw for himself. Armfuls of gifts, boxes of food or sweets, letters sealed with hearts and given with bright grins on their faces, and armfuls upon armfuls of flowers. Sitting in his cell, Muriel watched as his opponent passed by with many servants in tow, all needing to be led by Lucio, as they couldn’t see past the heaps of flowers that crowded their arms.

A flower slipped past someone’s grasp, drifting it’s way into his room. It was rose-like in it’s colour. A deep crimson hue, although the shape of it was a far cry from a rose. He could hope that it was something precious and expensive, from some bouquet of foreign flowers, but Muriel couldn’t help but doubt. Perhaps it was something cheaper, something carelessly held and carelessly dropped into the cell of this careless fighter. Its a thing to be admired regardless, something pretty and colourful to enter his drab cell. He plucks it off of the floor, to cradle it’s delicate petals appreciate the soft, sweet smell of it.

Something sweet something soft, and colourful and kind.

It’s not something that would last very long with him.

Lucio returns past him a few moments later, having led the servants to whatever lavish room he had prepared for the foreigner and their followers. The red flower dropped against the hallway floors catches his eye, and with two golden talons he plucks it from the floor, smiling as he appreciates it’s delicate, feeble beauty. He continues down the hall, not even sparing Muriel a glance, as his footsteps crack against the stone floors.

He’ll throw it away the moment he gets outside perhaps, or maybe even sooner than that. Or maybe, just maybe he’ll get some small little cup and let the flower live just a little longer. It’s doubtful though, considering how easy it would be for someone like him to get more flowers. People gift him things all the time, and whatever he doesn’t receive as a gift, it would be simple for him to purchase himself.

Muriel never received gifts in his life as a gladiator.

After all he’s done, he didn’t deserve them.

He did not deserve flowers.

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Muriel pulled his basket closer towards himself, shifting the strap that attached it to his back to rest more comfortably on his shoulder. Although he initially refused the offer, he’s grateful for Asra’s insistence, and even more grateful for the gift. It’s practical. With it, he can carry so much more materials than he ever had before. Flour, rice, fruits, he can place it all in his basket and leave his hands free to purchase smaller things, like bread or berries or herbs, or whatever else he might need. Most importantly, being able to carry so much at once, Muriel can limit his trips into the market as a once in a month or two journey.

Sure, the basket made him look bigger, only drawing more attention to his broad looming frame, and sure, perhaps it was a bit heavy to carry so much groceries all in one go, but if it meant he’d only have to endure the bustle and crowds of the market less, it was certainly a sacrifice he was willing and ready to make. Even the longer journey the basket imposed on him—since it would not fit into the smaller alleyways—was made more tolerable knowing that he would not have to return for a while.

It’s his saving grace amidst the crush of people yelling and hawking their wares, the inconsiderately placed shops of medicine right beside shops of food where delicious scents make the dizzying medicine smell stronger. The push and shove of impatient customers—all of it is made just a little more tolerable knowing it’d be over soon.

Soon. He assures himself. Just a little further, then I’m out of the market. Just past these next few shops, just a little more…

A blur of bright colours catch his eye. Though it was hardly enough to stop him from walking, he slowed at the sight, unable to help but stare at the little shop squished between and behind a few other stalls. For some other shops perhaps the size would be moderate enough, if only a little squishy to sit inside, but for that shop in particular, it seemed downright tiny, dwarfed by the flowers that seemed to burst from any and every opening it could get, starved for space and sunlight, and with the vivid colours and unruly growth—starved for attention.

He didn’t mean to stop in place, but he couldn’t help but stare at all the pretty flowers before him. Butterflies twitched from where they sat atop flowers, and bees bumbled lazily from flower to flower, all delighted at the sheer variety they had before them to enjoy. Like the many insects around him, Muriel found himself drawn into the little alcove the shop provided, drowned in the flowers and their soft and tender scents.

Setting his basket aside, Muriel let himself breathe. The crush and bustle of the crowds were still there, but a panel from another shop blocked him from their view. An alcove large enough for him to hide him—he never thought he’d find a place like that.

“Hello?”

The voice was by no means loud. It was a far, far cry from anything accusatory or cruel, and yet still, Muriel can’t help the urge to leap up in place and run, the thin branch of flowers reaching over his head, serving as the only thing to stop him from doing so. Careless movement could damage the pretty little things, and even if it would sting, damaging the beauty of something seemingly so abandoned, he’d hate to have to deal with the ire of the shopkeep should he damage their precious merchandise.

—Should he damage your precious merchandise.

Wearing mud-smeared clothing and a pair of gloves, it was clear you were the caregiver of these flowers and therefore, the owner of the shop.

Maybe he should have noticed it sooner—seen the vibrant colours and assumed nothing that bright and big could grow naturally, or maybe he should have looked closer to those openings and noted how clean the curtains of the window—the very one you now leaned out from—were.

“I’m sorry.” he mutters, scrambling to get his things while still taking care not to damage the flowers of your shop.

“No, no. It’s okay,” you tell him, smiling a little as you watch him pick up his basket once more. “You don’t have to go, I’m not gonna kick you out.”

“I’m out of money,” he blurts out in reply.

While technically a lie, there is some semblance of truth in it too. He’s already spent his limit of what he set out to buy today, and he really didn’t want to buy any more, just in case he needed the money for something else more important.

“That’s fine you don’t have to buy anything. It’s a nice place to relax here.”

Muriel nodded, but knowing he’s long since outstayed his welcome, he turns instead, fully ready to leave and let you forget. Hopefully he wouldn’t need to come by this side of the market place again any time soon.

“Hey! Wait!”

Oh no.

What did you want now? Did he break something? He might’ve hit or damaged some of those flowers with the basket, maybe it wasn’t a good idea to accept Asra’s gift. It made it so much harder to not bump into things. Automatically, he reaches for his pockets prepared to out himself for his earlier lie rather than have to deal with the accusations and demands for damaging merchandise.

Instead, he finds the flowers still intact, and a new one, bright yellow, and mere inches from his face.

“Here,” you say with a smile as you lean out—nearly tipping yourself out—form your shop’s little window. “Take it. Just a little something to brighten your day.”

It’s a simple little flower, with yellow petals like the sunshine that dappled through your flowers and their leaves.

He hesitates, unsure of whether or not to receive your little gift, what your ulterior motives might be, or what he needed to do for this gift, but you had been insistent, slipping the flower into his half open hand before he has a chance to back out. Satisfied with your gift, you smile with a brightness that matches the flower you’ve given him, warm like spring sunshine.

Despite the abruptness of the gift, he manages a small smile, nodding a little in thanks before he promptly turns to leave and finally be out of the market.

The simple yellow flower, with little else it could go, remained in his hand held to his chest as he weaved in between other market-goers. Listening for the sounds of shouting and screaming that never made it’s way to his ears. It’s not like you would remember. It’s not like you would even know.

Technically speaking, he didn’t have to keep it. Honestly, it’s probably nothing more than a ploy to get him to return and actually buy something from your shop, and it’s not like you’d remember him to ask what he’s done with the flower. Not like he could do anything with it anyways. Unlike Asra’s gift, it’s impractical, and Muriel finds himself wondering what you even expected him to do with it.

His fingers trail along the velveteen petals as he walks, appreciating the faint but pleasant smell that sits at the flower’s center. Whatever beauty he finds in it now is fleeting. It won’t last very long, especially since he has no vase to put it in.

It’s just a flower. He has no obligation to keep it.

It’s not like you would remember anyways.

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Shrugging the basket off his shoulders, Muriel makes quick work of putting away the items he’s bought. The bread flour gets tucked into the bottom shelf of the alcove of food he keeps in the house, and the fruits go in a bowl a little higher than that. Finally the bread is placed and covered in it’s own little box. Inanna runs around him welcoming home as he trundles around setting everything into it’s place, tail wagging like a dog. Even as she jumps up on her hind legs to greet him, she's just as careful as he is not to bump into his table, lest the cup at it’s center fall over and spill the yellow tulip it cradles onto the floor.

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Muriel returned to the market a bitter few days later. The basket had made him eager on his last trip, urging him to get everything done and over with so he wouldn't have to be there long, but he had forgotten that the chicken feed needed some extra restocking with the rain season lurking just around the corner. Muriel wasn't technically responsible for Bok-Bok and her friends. They could easily care for themselves as they, and all other chickens scattered in the forest, have been doing long before he had arrived. As a neighbor who occasionally borrowed eggs, however, Muriel had an obligation to lend a helping hand, and he knew full well how difficult the rainy season made it to find berries and seeds. There were of course plenty of worms, but robins and crows were quick to snatch those things up and some days there was just too much water for even the worms to enjoy. In those moments Bok-Bok and company would really need his help, and he was not about to let them down.

He hauls two bags of chicken feed in his basket, the bite of the straps onto his shoulders almost as bad as the bite of the cost into his limited pouch of coins. Technically he’d only really need one bag, but seeing as chicken feed was edible, Muriel was hoping to use at least some of it for his own meal within the coming days. There’d still be plenty for Bok-Bok and the others, but this would make things easier on him for a while as well.

The feed shifts side to side with every step he takes, the shift in weight feels almost hypnotizing, as he walks. It’s an imperfect distraction from the typical sounds and smells and feeling of the marketplace, but it’s a distraction nonetheless. People continue to press against him, and he feels the grains shift to his left. People continue to chatter and talk, the sound of it layered thickly over the sound of crashes and movement and moving creaky objects, and he feels the grains of the bag shift to his right. That awful smell of medicine entwined with fresh bread and he feels—

“Hey!! You!!”

Muriel freezes in place. When his head snaps to the sound of the scream, the rest of his body is already preparing to run away. And yet, when he sees that familiar face—your familiar face—he finds himself unable to move

For the second time within the few weeks he’s been here, he meets your eyes, and your own grow wide.

As if you recognized him.

Just as quickly it appears, it vanishes and you continue to yell.

“Watch your step!” you yell and point to a little spool of ribbon, sitting just where he would have stepped.

Muriel allows himself to relax, following your gaze downwards, taking a step backwards rather than forwards to find a spool of golden ribbon, lined with green that sat just beneath his feet. He’s about to apologize for almost crushing it when you promptly continue.

“I’m sorry, but yeah could you get that? I don’t want someone to step on it and trip like you almost did”

He nods as he bends over, freezing momentarily to shuck off the basket on his back when he feels the grains of feed slip forward. Taking the little spool in hand, he ducks back into the little alcove where your shop resides and hands it back to you, promptly rewarded with a smile flashed his way.

His face warms at the attention, but he doesn’t find it all too bad.

“Thank you. Oh, and here! As thanks.” You pull from behind you another flower—another tulip. It’s orange this time, tinted yellow around the edges. It’s the colour of a sunset, or his warm fireplace at night—the colour of even warmer smiles.

Although he hesitates, he takes this flower as well, bringing it to his nose to drown out the smell of medicine and food swirling together unpleasantly just a few stalls down.

It works better than the rice of his basket had managed at least.

Muriel manages a nod and soft grunt as thanks, trying to avoid the bright smile on your face as he slings his basket back onto his shoulders and trundles off once more. Another flower held carefully between his fingers.

He knows he doesn’t have to take it or keep it.

He knows he still will anyways.

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Asra visits a day or two later, and grins when Muriel is unable to give them their own cup for tea, especially since it was the one cup they had purchased themself. Still, they grin, and even snicker, as if unaware of the turmoil that brews at his inability to be a good friend and give them what’s theirs. Instead, they only fuel the fire of his anxiety and coyly remark that he should get another cup for whoever had given him his tiny bouquet of flowers.

It’s only then that Muriel realizes he could have, and should have argued back.

He still tries, though he knows it’s too late for that.

“How do you know I didn’t pick them myself?”

“Because you don’t tend to pick flowers for yourself,” Asra replies easily, grinning happy and easy, with that familiar glow of mischief in their eyes. “You should make a vase for them. It’d look nice, I think.”

Muriel can feel his face grow hot as he hesitates to refute Asra’s offer, which only makes their grin grow wider and wider in reply. Eventually he sighs, and though he doesn’t make any direct confirmation or denial, Asra laughs, knowing full well what that sigh entailed.

Despite it all, Muriel found himself smiling too.

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Muriel wanders through the marketplace a mere two days since his last visit. He’s without his basket, as he has been for the last handful of times he’s been there, but the journey is still overbearing. Visiting so often within such a short amount of time was quickly giving him a painful headache, and the temptation to just buy some spiced bread or some other delicious smelling food, to drown out the worst of the busy, busy, world around him, was only trumped by the fact that he did not bring any money with him.

Lately, on his last few trips to the marketplace, he neglected to bring any coins, knowing it’d be better for him to focus on saving up for when he really needed the money. Technically he didn’t need the money that much, being fully capable of living off of the forest, but difficult times such as the upcoming rainy season was made much easier when he could just buy the things he needed. For now, however, he’s simply content to wander through the marketplace and shop for inspiration; his only payment being his time, and the need to be there in the first place.

Carving a vase is easy. It should be easy, compared to the other things he’s carved. it’s a pretty simple wooden thing practically a deeper, wider cup with a little flare at the top like a plate. That was something he could carve, but he recalled seeing other vases around the marketplace, and despite himself, curiosity got the better of him and he stopped by to look at the vases other people had made. He’s been returning pretty often much to his dismay, as he kept on realizing or remembering the design of a vase he had only glimpsed at when he returned to the hut. Not to mention how his initial design might not even work anymore.

With every visit he’s made to the marketplace, he passed by or took shelter by your little flower shop on the way back home, and every time without fail, you called out to him. Even on days where he forgot to try and stop by, where he, fully engrossed in some other thing, or the dizzying feeling of the crowd around him, passed by the shop without a second glance. Even then, you still called out to him, with some excuse or other for you to offer him a flower. Some days he got a single tulip. Other times he’s received up to three different blooms. He gets a different flower each time, and each time he has to add the flower to his rapidly filling makeshift vase. It’s no longer a cup, but a rather sorry chunk of wood with a hole down the middle and water at the bottom. So busy with his visits to the market, he hadn’t had the time to really work on it.

If he was being truthful, he had been trying to avoid the task. What could he carve that could adequately hold such pretty flowers that you’ve given him? It’s the first bouquet he’s ever received, he wants to make something fitting for your gifts.

With how consistently you give him flowers, Muriel can’t help but forget that you don’t even remember him. He can’t help but forget you don’t really even know him. Not in the way that he knows you. Even if he knows you in sporadic fragments, he still knows you more than you know him.

Perhaps it’s made him cocky. Overconfident in his understanding of you.

Perhaps that’s why he didn’t expect to see you like this.

You are the sun, radiant and bright for your flowers, providing them warmth, providing them light before you give them away to others to illuminate their day or the day of whoever is lucky enough to receive that gift.

Somehow, he never anticipated the fact that maybe the sun couldn’t always be shining.

“I AM NOT PAYING THIS MUCH FOR THIS STUPID SHIT!!!”

Eyes shift away from Muriel towards the loud argument of some overzealous self-entitled noble who failed to recognize that the world doesn’t revolve around them. Selfishly, Muriel finds relief at the distraction bathing in how for once, in the crowd he was not the spectacle to be stared at instead it was—

Oh.

You stand under the barrage of cruelty raised against you and smile. It falters, it twists, but you do your best to maintain your smile, to appease your audience, someone who clearly did not deserve your grace.

“With the amount of money you had outlined—”

“YOU ARE LITERALLY JUST PICKING FLOWERS—CHILDREN COULD DO THAT!! WHY SHOULD I PAY SO MUCH FOR SOME DAISES YOU PICKED?!”

The stranger’s hand slammed on the small windowsill that you usually leaned on rattling the worn material below it. Bees and butterflies fled from their refuge in your flowers and even some weaker flowers toppled over under the stress. Even if he could not see it for himself, Muriel could tell you were trembling, every flower that so much as brushed against you vibrated in place, your fear bleeding into them, as you tried your best to smile despite it all.

If not for the flowers, he’d believe it too.

“WERE YOU NOT LISTENING WHEN I TOLD YOU THAT THESE WERE FOR AN IMPORTANT EVENT?!? YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT I’M EVEN BUYING FROM YOUR PATHETIC LITTLE SHOP!!! IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME SOME BETTER FLOWERS I WILL—”

It’s hard to tell what compels him more, the barely restrained discomfort that you radiate, or the bitter anger that only rises with every wretched word that comes out from the noble’s poor excuse for a mouth. If he were a better person, perhaps he’d go to you first, but just like with any fight, it was foolish of him to assume violence was something he could simply stop doing.

It always came back to him one way or another.

He strode, unthinkingly with every intention to just get rid of the unpleasant nobleman. Whether he was going to punch them, shove them aside and away from you, or simply pick them up and throw them into the nearest canal, Muriel would never know, because thankfully the noble was more cowardly than they had seemed.

All it took was for him to stand behind them, his shadow swallowing them whole as he glared them down before they were scrambling backwards and sputtering threats about money and guards. A hard threat to follow through on considering the stranger won’t even remember him the next day.

He’s tempted to follow the noble as they run. Tempted to chase them down and force them to never do it again. To show them how strong they really were in the face of a cruel world. Greedy wretches like them wouldn’t survive a day in the coliseum.

But would he really be able to stomach dragging them there?

Red flickers in the corner of his eyes, and Muriel instinctively turns, bracing for the sight of blood. Instead he finds flowers, and you flinching with wide terrified eyes, and a smile barely there on your twisted lips.

“Hello,” you say, flatly, only loosely coloured with a false cheer, just barely covering your trembling voice.

“…Hi.” He manages to mutter back. “Are you…okay?”

You relax a little, no longer afraid, but a look of hurt still lingers in your expression, and Muriel doesn’t know if or how he should try to help. Still, you manage to nod, and smile, however sad it may be.

“I’m fine,” you sigh in a way that always preludes a “but”. “It’s just that, he still didn’t pay for the bouquet.”

You gesture to the bundle of flowers a beautiful splash of red all clustered beautifully together. There are a litany of different shades of red and even a few other colours amidst the bunch, each complimenting the other, looking much less like the chaotic spatter that he still had at home. He could see roses amidst the bunch, de-thorned and coloured in hues he’s never seen before. Taller more spindly flowers sit amidst the bunch as well, though he’s unable to tell them by their names unsure if they are true in colour or made to look similar to the rest through whatever magic you were using.

Despite it’s beauty, you glare at it, as if you hoped it could shrivel up and die.

��I used so many flowers for that thing, what am I supposed to do with it now?” another grumble escapes you, sounding almost like a bitter growl. He flinches when you grab a flower and it’s pot, something set out as a display, and snatch it into the confines of your shop. He almost expects to hear the pot shatter, but your hands snap back out to grab another without so much of a whisper of the first pot being set down.

“Don’t you give some of your flowers out for free?” Muriel blurts out, regretting the question as soon as he asked it. Did it sound suspicious? Insulting?

“Those are special situations,” you snap back. “Besides, I do NOT give full bouquets out for free. That shit is expensive you know?! I put a lot of time and effort into them!”

Muriel nods, but he doesn’t think you see, as you carefully yank another bundle of flowers back into your shop, angry footsteps making the remaining blooms tremble from the force of it.

“I put all my hard time and effort growing these flowers! Contrary to popular belief I am NOT just running around in a meadow, picking out little flowers to take back home and sell for cheap! I grow these things myself! I colour them! I mix them together! I’m not some nobleman with access to flower farms and flower farmers!!”

Muriel busies himself by picking up the flowers you have further out for display, and bringing them back towards your shop. He doesn’t know where the door is, burred under flowers and greenery somewhere, but he tucks the display into the nook where he had hid many times before, keeping the flowers from prying eyes and greedy hands.

It’s the only thing keeping him in place really. As you continue to stomp back and forth in your shop, ranting about rich customers trying to cheat their way out of paying for your flowers. Even if he knows it’s not directed his way, Muriel can’t help but feel a growing sense of guilt.

He did that too. He’s doing that right now.

You don’t remember it, and to you it probably seems like you’ve been giving various different strangers tulips, but he has a bouquet of them now—one even bigger than that noble failed to pay for.

He carefully tucks the last of the flower displays away, carefully arranging the flowers so that none stick out and reveal their location to onlookers, and prepares to run away, internally promising to never return and never steal flowers from you again.

What he intends as a final glance your way, hoping to leave while your back is turned, roots him in place instead.

You stand, hands over your eyes, furiously scrubbing as you try to both hide and stop your tears. Torn between running to help you and running away, Muriel stands and stares, as useless to help as the flowers that still surround you.

“I just… fuck,” you hiss, or at least you try to around the hiccups of your sobbing. “It’s just so hard. They demand money from me and then refuse to pay me for my hard fuckng work! What do they even get out of hoarding that much money?”

Why can’t he decide? The choice to help you is as obvious as it was when you were being threatened by the nobleman earlier. And yet, when faced with a problem that he can’t solve with violence he’s stuck.

It really is all he’s good for isn’t it?

You duck behind your window to hide your tears, but he can hear your back hit the wall and the hiss of fabric against stone as you slide down to your knees and succumb to sniffles and sobs.

With little else to say or do, Muriel turns and runs away.

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A moment of terror pulls you from your sorrow as you remember the flower stands you left outside the shop. You’ve already lost a lot of time and effort on the bouquet for the noble who never paid, you can’t afford to loose your display flowers as well.

About to bolt out from the shop to look for them, you glance to the shops beside you wondering if your neighbors decided to be cruel, or if you could see the escaping thief. Instead, you find your flower stands tucked away in a little alcove between your shop and one of the neighboring booths beside it. The flowers are carefully tucked beneath each other, to keep from springing up over the other shop’s crates, and remain hidden from any potential thieves.

It’s not anything grand enough to make you reconsider opening the shop back up for the day, nor does it quell the roll of anxiety in your chest, but it’s enough to make you smile again. Even if only a little.

It takes you a moment to recall that a stranger had been here only moments ago after the departure of the nobleman, but beyond their presence you can’t recall anything about them. You know they helped a little, but the how or why evades you.

Instead you return to work tucking your flowers away inside, before you finally close shop and head back to your garden.

You can’t recall what the stranger’s face looks like, but the fleeting memory of them still lingers in your mind. They remind you, strangely, of tulips.

Perhaps you could give them one next time you saw them. Hopefully you’d recognize them in the crowd.

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Muriel’s fingers sift through the flowers that sit in his little wooden makeshift vase. In a better world he’d be able to give back all the flowers he had taken from you—stolen from you—and you would be able to sell your flowers to people who could pay for and better deserved the beautiful blooms. Instead, Muriel finds many of the flowers already starting to wilt in the vase, petals growing crumpled and stems growing weak. The first flower you had given him was a husk of it’s former beauty.

He shouldn’t have gotten it in the first place. That fleeting beauty would have been better spent on someone better than him. Someone who could appreciate it better with a crystal vase—or even a simple painted clay vase to carry the flowers and show off how pretty they were.

Or just…someone with more money than him. Someone who could actually pay you for your flowers.

Someone…. Someone who would deserve them.

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Once more, Muriel makes his journey into the market, the dizzying smells and feelings and noises made all the more worse by the burden of his objective. Two pouches sat in his pockets both burning through fabric and skin to scorch him to his bones. Every passing jostle against his body had him scrambling to check if both bags were still there, panic flooding him when he forgot that he had moved one of the bags from one pocket to another.

Over and over again scenarios flashed through his mind. He tried to keep himself reasonable, tried to expect the worst so he wouldn’t be disappointed, but hope—ever stubborn, and ever cruel—slipped in regardless of his wishes. He hoped that you’d still like him afterwards, that you wouldn’t ask him to pay for all the flowers he had taken from you, that you’d be happy to be able to remember him, but the truth of the matter was, that he was just another customer. All he had been receiving was a placating smile in hopes that he’d buy from you.

If only he could hate you for that. It’d be so much easier if he could let himself feel like he had been cheated, or wronged, but you were just trying to make money for yourself, just like everyone else. Could he condemn you for that?

The sickening smell of some strong smelling meal with pungent medicine fills his chest once more, and the once familiar need to vomit at the smell grows stronger knowing your shop is only a little further away. His hands gravitate towards the two pouches in his pockets and he squeezes them, hoping that for once the universe would be kind to him and he wouldn’t make some awful mistake like mix them up and give you the wrong bag too soon.

With every step closer he gets to your shop, Muriel recites in his mind what he wants to tell you, his apology for what he’s done and his willingness to not bother you again.

Someone else is already shopping at your booth. Muriel watches from nearby, trying to remember what he needs to tell you while he waits his turn.

“If you don’t mind, I need a few flowers, not too many…”

He just needed to tell you that he was willing to leave you be.

“How many flowers will that be? Oh, and what kind?”

No, no, he needed to apologize first for taking all of your flowers.

“Any kind will do. I just need them for a… friend of mine. They’re ill, and I... I made a promise to them.”

He’d need to explain what had happened as well. Explain how he kept receiving flowers from you, and explain how he’d need to pay for it.

“Oh, I hope they’ll be okay soon, how about this?”

“Oh that looks gorgeous!”

He’d need to tell you about that magic, that kept others from remembering him, and he’d need to….

“…oh, I can’t… I’m sorry, I can’t pay that much.”

“…how much can you pay?”

Muriel watches the old man place a few coins onto the table. It really isn’t much, but telling by the clothes he wears and the stains that litter them, it’s clear that he’s been trying to save up for this. Your own eyes, grow dim at the sight of the meager amount he brings. Would it even pay for a few flowers? Would it even pay for a single flower?

Your eyes flutter closed and your hands grip the flowers as if you were going to yell at the old man, but you’re trembling as well, fighting against something before you look back up and smile.

No. No, no. You can’t be thinking—gossip travels fast in the marketplace, even faster when it’s something of concern or interest to a noble. If that person gets word that you’re giving out free flowers after that stunt you pulled yesterday…

“Alright. Take it.”

…What will happen to you?

“No—wait.” Muriel steps in, his own coin pouch in his trembling hands. “that…how much does that cost?”

It’s a smaller bouquet than what you’ve given him over his many many visits, but he still winces as you take the money. He’s now the one without enough funds to pay you back for your flowers. He’s now the one marring your reputation—making it seem like your prices are something fickle, that someone could just get a bouquet of tulips for free if they looked sad or sorry enough.

Was that why he had gotten all those flowers? You did say some were to brighten his day. Did he truly look so miserable?

The old man smiles up at him, and thanks him profusely as he leaves with his flowers. Muriel manages a smile, but a nagging feeling at the back of his head tells him it looks more like a grimace. When he turns back to look at you, you meet his half-smile half grimace with one of your own.

“Thank you so, so much for that—but you didn’t have to.”

“But yesterday—I saw—heard—” Muriel coughs, fighting the rising warmth in his face. “I heard about that… customer…yesterday. I just.... Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” You smile, eyes falling closed as you recall something before you look up to him. “Yesterday, a kind stranger stepped in to protect me. It was…really sweet.”

Muriel forces himself to turn away from your fond expression. For all the preparation that he put in anticipating what he should do when you hate him, he never prepared for what he should do if you liked him.

While your attention is diverted, Muriel begins his attempt to scurry away from the situation before it grows too awkward, but not for the first time, you call out to him, stopping him dead in his tracks.

“Before you go!” Once more he stops and turns. He knows his face is flushed, he know he looks ridiculous, but he turns out of habit to the sound of your voice, like a sunflower to the sun. “—here. Just as thanks.”

Muriel stares at the flower you give him his mind flying back to a small cell beneath a roaring crowd. A rose coloured tulip, the likes of which he’s never seen before, sits in his palm as another gift from you. He’s never seen a tulip this red before. Brighter than the colour of blood.

He tries to hand it back, but your hands sit atop of his and push back, insistent on giving your gift.

You smile when you tell him, “Please, it’s a gift.” But he feels nothing but dread.

Another flower stolen, another bloom he can no longer afford to pay for.

He does not deserve flowers.

He certainly did not deserve yours.

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Muriel doesn’t return to the market. He doesn’t—won’t—need to for a while. The basket Asra had given him really lived up to it’s practical uses. He savors the fresh cool air of the forest, untainted by headache-inducing smoke billowing from medicine shops or blacksmiths or bakeries of sleepy bakers. The hiss and hush of the trees, sounds soothing to his ears rather than the cacophony of chatter, of yelling and demanding from sellers and buyers.

He feels alive and safe in the forest.

At least, more than he had felt when he was in the city—when he was just a child.

A lifetime of struggling for money and food and running from guards called by over zealous nobles was not something that he expected would every leave him. In the same way the blood may never wash from his hands, the dirt and disgust he carried for being one of many strays in the South End would never leave him either. It’s something he could live with though. Something he could endure within the safety of the forest.

…He just never thought he’d be the one causing someone to struggle the way he did.

It’s not the same. He knows that it’s not the same. You have a shop that you are able to maintain—a viable way to make money. With all your flowers, you probably had a garden, you probably had the ability to grow fruits and vegetables that you could eat and rely on when times got tough. And most of all, you are an adult. You can fend for yourself, act for yourself. You don’t need help the way a child does. You can survive.

…but sometimes just surviving just made things worse.

He just made things worse.

What if you were struggling for food? What if you wouldn’t be able to maintain that shop for much longer? What if all those flowers you gave him were what lead that noble to think it was okay to get flowers from you for cheap?

Even if he couldn’t be remembered perhaps people remembered seeing you give flowers away for free to someone over and over again. A free flower every now and then would hardly be anything bad but Muriel had enough to consider it a bouquet.

He had to pay you back.

It might take some time, but hopefully his carvings were appraised better than they were when he was a child. Hopefully more people liked them. Hopefully he could make enough money to pay you back soon.

Wooden animals sit between Muriel’s legs as he carved away at another figurine from a block of wood. It was a little sloppy, as was the other figures, but seeing as he needed to make back the funds at least somewhat quickly, he needed a lot of figures in a short amount of time.

The knife slipped against the wood, and cut into his hand. Deep enough to draw blood, but not deep enough to garner worrry. Not for his hand at least. Blood stained the wood he carved, tainting the wooden flower with a bloody patch of red, soaking into the wood.

Muriel sighed, as the blood seeped deeper and deeper into the pale wood. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to carve the stain away to salvage the flower, he set it aside, and wiped the blood from his hand, and started again against a new block of wood.

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For all Muriel had planned and worried the location and use of a stall was not one of the things he had considered. The market was filled with vendors all squished against each other in an attempt to sell wares. Any of his old places for selling things as a child were either filled by new children, hawking trinkets and other odds and ends, or far too small for him to fit in and comfortably sell from now.

He tried to wander through the busier parts of the market, even amidst the crash and chatter of people around him, but earlier vendors had beat him to the stalls, and no one was willing to spare any space.

Eventually, though he tried to avoid it, he came down to your side of the market, where there were just a little less shops than before. Even here however there was no space that he could take that wasn’t a crushing squish against two other shops.

The familiarly grating smell of medicine and baked goods wafted past him and instinctually he glanced your way, even if he hoped not to see you and gain another flower he needed to pay back.

Only, you weren’t there at all.

Where there was once a little window surrounded on all sides by flowers that seemed to burst out from the room within, there was instead, a green door. Upon closer inspection a thin line divided the door in half so the top could be opened or the bottom could be opened, and he realized that this had been the window you once leaned out from to sell your flowers.

And now, flowerless it had been closed.

What happened to you? Did the noble come around and confiscate all your flowers for some crime you didn’t commit? Had he been too late to help you? Too late to fix his mistakes?

He didn’t know how long he had spent staring at the blank walls, taking in all the imperfections he had never seen and never wanted to see before, but it was long enough, that someone inevitably noticed him.

“Hello?”

Muriel nearly leapt up from his place and ran, if not for the person he turned to see.

Still smudged with dirt, with flower petals and leaves caught in your clothes, you stood before him, smiling but confused.

“I’m sorry, did you want something from the shop?”

The bag of coins burns in his pockets, both too heavy and too light for him to hold. He scrambles for an explanation, something feasible to explain away the situation, and allow him to go on his way once more, but his mouth dries with every attempt, and the urge to confess his crimes and get it over with builds high in his chest.

In the end, he abandons his words and shakes his head instead.

With an even more confused look on your face, you shake your head almost dismissively, but a smile still lingers on your lips. It reaches your eyes too, drawing lines across your face from the force of it all. He tries to convince himself that it’s genuine, but the doubt is hard to remove once planted.

After all, you always smile to your customers, even if they don’t deserve it.

“What are you doing here then?”

“I… Just…I’m passing by,” he manages, watching as your smile shifts for a moment. It softens, but it never leaves your face.

“Oh. Where are you off to?”

He glanced away, tempted to just give some non commital answer and just leave before you could ask something else, but he catches sight of your empty shop once more and finds his feet rooted in place.

“I…. I was looking for a space to set up a temporary shop.”

“Oh! What are you selling?”

Since it’d be easier than trying to explain, Muriel reaches into his basket, pushing aside the blanket covers to protect against the sun and the wooden support beams he was planning to use to hold the blanket up, to reveal the wooden carvings that sat beneath it all. He grabs the first one he feels pulling it free and offering it for your inspection.

“Oh! That’s so pretty!” He looks at it in your hands now, one of the flowers he had carved from wood. It’s no tulip, but he’s glad you seem to like it at the very least.

“You can keep it if you want.”

“Really?” you ask, your voice wrung with awe sounding almost almost breathless to his ears.

Despite knowing he wouldn’t be able to tell if you were actually pleased or just smiling, Muriel glances your way, finding that soft smile once more on your lips, as your fingers carefully trace around the center of the flower. He turns away from the sight of it.

“Sure.”

“Oh, hey, in exchange, how about…” Muriel braces himself for the flower you’d always give him. No matter how pretty or soft it’s petals looked he would not accept. He couldn’t, knowing that he’d have to add another flower considering how much he’d need to pay for it.

Instead, you gesture to the shop, and smile.

“Here! You said you wanted to look for a stall to sell your things at, you can use my shop.”

And though Muriel knows full well what your shop looks like, for the first time today he turns and actually looks.

Between two stalls sits the little window, where you once leaned out and smiled at him as he passed. Except, with it’s top “shutter” closed, he could now see it was a door, sitting listlessly against the off-white walls. Around it, where flowers once bloomed, cracks in the stone are so abundantly clear. Exposed for all to see without flowers covering the cracks. Sitting lifeless, colourless, and empty, he little shop seemed even smaller, crowded out by other people’s boxes. A hollow husk of what it had been before.

Or, perhaps it was hollow because you weren’t there anymore.

For all the questions he wanted to ask, all the distress and apologies he wanted to offer, all Muriel can stomach to ask, is a pathetic, strangled, “why?”

Why weren’t you using your shop anymore? Why did you remove all your flowers as if you were just moving out? Why were you letting him use that shop?

Why, even when you couldn’t remember him, did you still trust him?

Why were you kind to him?

Why—

Muriel turns to the sound before you do, the heavy footsteps of armored soldiers marching with that distinct rattle of their shiny armor that only ever meant they were here on purpose, rather than just on patrol.

You catch sight of them a moment later, the same time that they catch sight of you.

And all Muriel can do is stare.

It’s funny really, how, in the past it had almost been second nature for him to run and hide at the sound of clanking armor, grabbing any other children he’d see who had yet to notice lest they get taken by the soldiers seeking to “clean up” the marketplace. But maybe it was all that time he had to spend trying not to flinch and run from the soldiers in the coliseum lest the taunt and tease him while he was helpless to do anything else, or maybe it was the safety net that his gift provided, knowing they could never come for him.

It doesn’t matter anyways. He’s rooted to the ground, helpless to do anything to help you.

A familiar face grins behind their armored friends, looking as pleased as they looked punchable, as if tattling to the soldiers about whatever offense you didn’t commit was something they could be proud of doing. As if they weren’t just some massive coward hiding behind armor and gold.

As if they were really in the right.

He’d scowl if he could manage, but he feels far away from his body, bracing for cold impact of armored hands against mere flesh. Ready to drag him away somewhere cold and dark and alone. Ready to drag him back to the arena.

Instead, the hand that finds him is warm.

Warm fingers thread themselves between his, and suddenly he’s being pulled through the marketplace, just barely able to grab his bag before he’s running between stalls and down alleyways, as the soldiers clamor and shout clumsily crashing through booths and debris in their pursuit.

The both of you are fast, but the soldiers, trained as they are, are faster, and grow closer and closer as you stumble on each other’s feet trying to stick together. You seem to have a destination in mind, but running home with these soldiers on your tail is never, ever a good idea. You seem to know this, but you don’t seem to know how to loose them.

Muriel on the other hand does.

All it takes is a few strides and a squeeze of your hand before Muriel is leading you through the streets, diving down alleyways, and between shops and their carts, before he shoves you into a small dip between two buildings, crowded with boxes and goods from the stalls that sat on either side, and his basket set in front of him for good measure. The two shopkeepers glared his way, frustrated at his strange intrusion, but they fail to notice that he had someone with him, as they often do if that other person is hidden quickly enough. Though their eyes on him makes his skin prickle, they slide off as easily as water on oil, and soon they return to their own business, forgetting that Muriel had ever even existed as their attention drifts away, and they return to attending to their wares.

The crash of soldiers is audible in the distance, and behind him, hands pressed to his back, Muriel can feel you grow tense. Your hands ball up into fists on his cloak, and you press your face into his back as if it may be able to better help you hide from them. It lets him feel you breathe, trying to keep it slow, and deep, trying to relax yourself, but the tremors remain. It makes him want to hold you, take your hand in his to reassure you, tell you that everything will be okay, but when he still trembles at the growing sound of iron on stone and wood, all he can do is stand still and quiet, hoping to all hope that the shopkeepers beside him would not note his presence and, that what little magic he has won’t fail him,

Above all, if everything else fails, he hopes you remain safe.

Their armor glistens in the sunlight, blindingly bright, a distraction and protection he’s fallen victim to many times before. One turns his way, meeting his eyes, and for a moment, Muriel loses his breath. Behind him you tense as well, as if his tension passed onto you. As if you could somehow see through him, and met the guard’s eyes.

He wonders if you had poked your head out from behind him, wonders if the guard had somehow seen you—a scrap of your clothes perhaps, or some sliver of your skin. He hopes to all hope that you had not done so, but he tries to puff up his chest despite it all, use the width of his shoulders to truly make sure you were covered.

And no matter how much he wants to do otherwise, Muriel keeps his eyes open, and stares down not only the guard before him, but also the group behind him, watching and waiting for that moment of recognition, the moment when the guards eyes stopped slipping away, the moment when he’d have to shove the soldier away to let you escape.

To make sure no one was dragged to the coliseum again.

Someone yells behind the guard, loud and abrasive, and Muriel has to keep himself from flinching at the sound. For another moment the guard lingers, eyes still scanning the area, where Muriel stood, as if he wasn’t there at all, for a mere second perhaps, before they turn away eyes still slipping off of Muriel like water against oil. The soldiers continue on hollering and barking as they chase shadows down the street. It’s only when they fade out from earshot that Muriel finally relaxes, and behind him, he can feel you do the same.

It’s an awkward little shuffle around when he steps away to let you escape your confines. Your hand doesn’t quite leave his back so readily, trailing down before falling away, leaving phantom trails of pressure and warmth still lingering on his skin, even if you never actually touched him directly. He tries to distract himself amidst it, focus on getting his basket back on his back. Focus on the possibility of another patrol of soldiers passing by. He doesn’t notice that you had been waving for his attention until you fingers slip beneath the belts across his chest and you yank.

“Thank you,” you whisper-hiss, freeing his belt to capture his hand instead. “C’mon, follow me. I know a safe place we could lay low for awhile.

Your hand is warm in his. Sweaty from running, but warm, with callouses marking the inside of your knuckles. Your rough hands against his own, and yet cradling his carefully with your touch. In his earlier haste he didn’t get the chance to notice that.

You tug, he follows.

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For all that he’s known you, for all the times he’s visited, all he’s ever seen from you were smiles that bent your eyes with it’s fondness, soft as the flowers that surrounded you and vibrant as the sun that fed them.

But that hardly counted as knowing a person.

For all you had forgotten of him, he never really got to know you.

The city grows more glittery and sharp as you tug him towards the decrepit opulence of the flooded district, right along the edge of the temple district where old temples sat in ruin, flooded with water that bent their floorboards and made space frigid during the night. Yet those flaws hardly stopped children from scurrying into the upper levels through windows, standing in the frigid dust laden rooms, and pretending they had a better life.

He remembers doing the same himself, with vivid fondness, trying and failing to climb up the side of the building after soldiers broke all the available climbing structures, that could support his weight. Asra managed on the tiny ledges, and weak remains, but Muriel and many other children struggled to do the same.

Thick walls of ivy, and even a small tree grows there now, the ground having been cleared of tiles to make space for dirt and mud to allow for the growth.

He turns his attention back to you, as you continue to pull him past buildings, littered with new blooms that climbed the walls.

For all that you had forgotten of him, Muriel barely knew you.

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You stop before a fence that looms even above him, coated in greenery, with sharp, rusted metal spikes that jut out from the top of the bushes.

He can see thorns entwined with the green shrubbery, thin and clustered together to make it hard to avoid getting scratched or hurt by any attempt to climb up it, which perhaps, is why it was an area that seemed so abandoned. Unlike the well-maintained gardens of many nobles, what could a trespasser hope to find behind a fence so clearly bursting with nothing but plain shrubs and wayward thorns?

You, clearly, believed otherwise.

Muriel can’t help but wince when you jam your hand into the mess of thorns and bushes, rummaging around the plants in search for something within. He’s tempted to pull your arm out and try to get you to wear something to protect yourself, but you beat him to it, pulling back for a moment to reveal an untouched arm before you reach back in with more intent and care than you did before.

Something creaks, and the wall of ivy and bushes, reveals itself to be thinner than the foliage initially let on.

He doesn’t even need to slip through the greenery as you do to already glimpse the world within, but he does anyways, treating himself to the true magnificence of your domain. Hidden by plants and trees and bushes and thorns sits a world of flowers blooming en masse until they cover nearly every inch of the ground around it, some even spilling out from their designated places to uproot the stone tiles that made up the slim walkways between the spill of flowers.

Most strikingly, Muriel can see the tulips that line the far end of the garden, a splash of sporadic colours all clumped together in a mad swirl, spilling out from their allotted section to infiltrate pathways and the beds of their neighbors.

And amidst them, finally looking at ease, you stand, turning back to him with a smile.

“I’m sorry about that, but… we’ll be safer here for now.”

You close the door, with a gentle thud, and brush the roses around it back into place, slipping a rust-browned lock back into place, and locking the world outside far, far away.

Perhaps he should be worried that you had essentially locked the both of you inside here together, but despite being overcrowded with flowers, the garden seems so expansive he can hardly see it as being locked inside anything.

“Feel free to look around” you tell him. “Just… don’t pick anything, please.”

You flash him a smile, and as quickly as you had astounded him with the beauty of your garden, you turn away snapping your attention back to your flowers, and give him space to marvel in awe at your beautiful garden—to marvel in awe at your beautiful practice. Setting his basket aside, he watches as you crouch down, and procure a pair of shears from beneath a bush, and begin to snip away at the overgrown and wilted plants. The sun shines a halo around you as you hunch over plots of dirt, shuffling your way into the plants, and trying to pry flowers away from each other, to generate distance so one doesn’t starve the other.

It’s hard work, quick to smear you with dirt and mud, but he can see the tension fade from your back as you toil away, a means of relaxing yourself from the tension.

Though questions swirl around his stomach and chest, Muriel decides to give you your space. It’s the least he can do after all.

He wanders, carefully, between the patches of flowers, many intermingled with each other into beautiful messy arrays, some even curling around each other, to enough of an extent, that Muriel supposed you couldn’t separate them anymore. Of course, slow growing as flowers often were, Muriel wondered if you failed to notice how close they had gotten, or you simply allowed them to grow so close to each other.

He approaches your tulip patch. You have so many. Found in nearly every colour, with different patterns on the petals, and different shapes of petals themselves, all crowded into one large plot—and when that plot could not fit any more flowers, you intermingled the tulips amidst other plants, amidst other flowers that seemed to get along well with the shoots of colour.

Although he has never seen the foreign shaped and patterned flowers before, Muriel can’t help but note the abundance of red, orange, pink, and yellow tulips in your garden. A favourite, perhaps? Or perhaps they were in high demand, or perhaps they were just—

“They used to be my parents' favourite.” He turns to look at you, dirt smeared with leaves sticking to the fabric of your clothes. You turn to him and smile. “They liked to give them to each other, as a way to show how much they cared about each other.”

Something in Muriel’s chest flutters. Something else constricts. He really shouldn’t be hearing this—you don’t remember him, you don’t remember what you’ve done.

“I tend to give them out to my favourite customers as well.” Muriel scrambles for his bag. He shouldn’t be hearing this should he? No matter how much he wants to… he shouldn’t. It’s not fair to you. You don’t remember him, you might not even be harboring those kinds of feelings.

After all didn’t you say the flowers were supposed to just... cheer him up?

“Hey, do you want—” Muriel just barely manages to shove the bag into your hands, pressing further to get the bag closer to your face.

The sooner you remember the sooner you can kick him from your garden and be on your merry way, even though his stomach grows tight at the very idea of it. Your garden is beautiful. If he could stay here, or even just visit every so often he would be glad.

As it is, just seeing you smile was enough for him.

Just seeing you smile had been enough for him, but he’s taken too much from you, and he refused to take any more.

It takes you a moment, flustered as you try to protest the strange gift he’s given you, but the memories come soon enough, and rather than push, he finds you grabbing—not only the bag, but his hand as well—and pulling it closer to your face, to take a deep breath, and savor the memories.

It only lasts so long.

You stare at him now, eyes wide and mortified before your hands snap to your face trying and failing to hide you as you still cling to the bag of myrrh he had given you. Muriel closes his eyes and looks away, not wanting to see your enraged or sorrow filled face when you claimed you had been cheated or swindled of your precious, precious flowers.

Instead he hears you giggle.

It’s a nervous sort of giggle, the kind made when someone’s not actually happy, echoing in the hollow cup of your hand as you sink to the floor.

“Oh my gods. Oh gods.” The words slip between your fingers as you adjust and readjust your hands to hide your face. “Oh my gods I am so sorry.”

“What?”

“I gave you, so many flowers…”

The comment sounds like regret—that you regretted wasting so many flowers on him, but your voice doesn’t sound sad, you just sound… embarrassed.

“I am so sorry…”

“W-what?? What for?”

“Isn’t it embarrassing? I keep giving you flowers!” Your volume picks up, and though he doesn’t intend it, his own voice gets a little higher and a little louder in reply.

“Is that bad??” He really can’t focus on his volume when he’s trying to sort out all the questions you are not answering.

“ITS EMBARRASSING!”

“HOW?!”

You groan, half stifled and half agonized before you bury your face back into your knees, leaving Muriel’s mouth to snap shut with a soft clack, gritting his teeth as he silently vows to never open his mouth again—or at least refrain from doing so for a long while. He was too loud. Too close to yelling. He doesn’t blame you for being afraid.

He’s about to apologize, whisper something placating to fix his wrongdoings, but once again, you speak before he can even get a word in.

Or well, you don’t speak. You laugh.

It’s almost a mad cackle. Almost. If you didn’t peer up for a moment, looking so genuinely happy and pleased, he would have thought you had gone insane.

You’re breathless when your laughter bubbles down into hicuups and giggles, leaning your head on your arms as you peer up at him. Of course, he’s too tall for you to look without craning your neck, and that’s so much worse when you’re sitting down. He sits beside you in an attempt to keep your neck from aching, but that only seems to make you giggle more.

“So, how much to I have to explain?” You ask your question teasingly, but Muriel can’t help but notice the strain of sincerity or the way you shake ever so slightly as if scared. You’re still grinning, but he can’t help but take you seriously.

“It…. You spend so much time on your flowers…. Don’t you need the money?”

His question sobers you considerably, that smile falling away from your face. Again, he’s the one who has to tear that from you, who makes you frown instead of smile.

“I can afford to lose a few tulips.”

“It’s not a few.”

You huff, turning away from him, and again, he worries that he’s made you upset. “It’s fine. I have a lot of those ones anyways. Besides, it’s not like I give them out to everyone.”

“You don’t?”

“Nope.”

“What about that old man? You wanted to give those flowers to him for free…”

You roll your eyes, and shake your head a picture of exhaustion, if not for your smile. “Yeah, well, he’s a pretty common customer, and he’s a fellow merchant. I stop by his stall sometimes and I know he doesn’t always have much, but he still wants to give flowers to his friend and all that.” You turn away from him then, tucking your face back into your knees. “Besides, I wasn’t giving him tulips.”

His brows dip again, “Tulips…?”

You sigh, loud and drawn out, tucking your face deeper into your lap. “I… remember how I mentioned my parents?”

“I… I didn’t think I was supposed to hear it…”

“If not you then who?” you gawk, waving an arm to the garden that wraps itself around you. In the beat of silence that follows, the wind rustles through the flowers, and the sound of trickling water meets the melody of a birdsong. It’s so peaceful. It’s so… lonely. Another gust of wind, and though the walls sit thoroughly coated by shrubbery and plants outside, it’s far clearer to see the iron bars from within, a mere gust of wind doing enough to show the cage these flowers have been locked inside of. To show the cage that you...

“You’re the only other person here.”

“I didn’t… I thought you’d change your mind in letting me in here if you realized….”

Once more you tuck your face into your lap, and Muriel has to wonder what makes you so miserable every time he mentions it. “Why would I change my mind after remembering how many flowers I’ve given you?”

“I thought… I thought you’d think I’d stolen them.”

You scoff and roll your eyes. “I gave them to you. As a gift.”

“Would you give me them if you knew it was me returning?”

You straighten yourself, turning to him with wide eyes as if he’s said something absurd or unthinkable. He’s about to retract his statement, make an apology for whatever he’s done to offend, but you look away before he does, and though muffled, in the quiet peace of your garden, you’re loud enough for him to hear you.

“Yes.” A pause. You fiddle with a worn patch over the knees of your pants, coated in dirt, and evidence of being repaired repeatedly, it’s a well loved set of gardening clothes. Well worn. Well cared for. “If I knew it was you, I’d give you even more flowers too.”

You huff the words out as if frustrated, and Muriel can’t help but look away.

“Why?” he blurts out the question, immediately regretting it when he hears you tuck your face back into your legs. You had said it was embarrassing. He still fails to understand… how.

“You heard the story about my parents.” This time it’s not a question. With your face now tucked behind your knees and safely guarded by an arm, you wave a free hand in the air, as if expecting him to connect whatever dots remains.

As if it was as easy as that.

“You said that they did so to show how much they cared about each other.” You bury your face deeper into your lap. “But you don’t… You don’t know me.”

At this point you’ve thrown your arm over top of your head now too. Trying to fold yourself up into a little human ball. Was this what was embarrassing? That you had been showing affection to someone you’ve never met before? To someone you didn’t know? But you haven’t known each other this entire time. What made it different now?

The glows over your garden, dappling you in it’s golden warmth. There are structures in place, some tall trees intermixed with the bushes outside, but sunbeams still sneak their way to reach you, as if eager to light you up, to amend the gloom that he’s cast over you. One beam streaks across your arms, and as you peek up at him, your eye glows in the golden light, and like magic, you slowly unfold yourself, to sit normally by his side.

“I… You’re right. I’m sorry.”

That was… “You’re apologizing again.” He means to ask it as a question but it doesn’t come out like it should. Hearing it fill the silence, he wonders if that would have been worse.

“I…” again, your hands come up to cover your face, dragging over your eyes, until they’re cupped around your mouth. You’re hiding again. Embarrassed you had said, but he still can’t figure out—“Look, I’m sorry for flirting with you okay?”

Muriel chokes. You don’t seem to notice.

“You don’t have to take it as flirting at all okay? It’s just… You just looked really pretty and I just wanted to give you flowers because I thought you were nice and you helped me out so many times with all those things, you were really brave and tough and yet so kind, and, augh no, look I’m not… I know I don’t know you okay, I’m not expecting you to fall in love with me over some…silly flowers, it’s fine. I… I’m really sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable, I’m really sorry if this is just…weird. I… look my garden is pretty much all I have! People like flowers but I understand if those were maybe just not your thing, and I know maybe roses would’ve been more fitting, but those are just so hard to take care of sometimes and they’re such an overused gift, I mean I kinda thought someone like you would end up tired of receiving those gifts all the time but that’s because I was assuming that you were interested in relationships like that and—”

You keep talking. And talking, and talking and talking. Circling back to the same statements over and over and over again in new contexts as you somehow say so much and very little at the exact same time. It’s nice though. He likes listening to you speak, even if this seems to make you more stressed out than ever, but most importantly, it gives him a moment to try to collect his own thoughts, to try to get his breathing in check. And when both attempts fail, to try and find a way to fold himself up into something tiny and unseeable.

He waits for a while, hoping that you’d trail off somewhere eventually, that he would eventually be able to interject and direct the conversation away, or just…. Ask if you were… serious…. but every glance his way seems to make you more stressed, and you burst out in another round of apologies and reassurances, and on top of it all another round of compliments, many of which keenly focused on…prettiness.

Particularly him… and… being… pretty.

He doesn’t mean to grab your wrist. Poke you maybe, but he doesn’t mean to grab.

It’s just… hard to tell when he’s trying to hide his warming face behind a hand.

There’s a long stretch of silence.

And of course, you try to amend whatever mistake you think that you’ve made. “I’m so sorry I didn’t—” he has to interrupt you this time.

“No… no… It’s…”

You’re really smart. Very, incredibly clever. Burying his face in his lap sounds more and more appealing by the minute, but as much as he wants to he can’t exactly make himself look as small as you managed beside him. Besides, he just… really wants to know.

“I… you think…. I’m….” He can’t. He just can’t. His mouth opens to try, but his throat falls dry each time. It’s a struggle to get the idea of it into his mind without growing furnace-hot at the thought alone. He is a rival to the sun, by mere heat alone.

Somehow, miraculously, you understand… or at least somewhat. “You’re kind, you’re brave… you’re pretty….” You have to look away as well, lips falling victim to the press of your teeth. “You’re pretty as flowers, really.”

Muriel could explode.

You take his embarrassment as distress, faltering and wincing as you try to amend what had never been damaged. If he could, he’d press a hand to your face to shut you up. But that would mean having to remove a hand from hiding his own face away.

“Sorry! Is that….? Is that insulting? I didn’t mean for it to be insulting like that or anything It’s just you know as a gardener and all constantly working with flowers and everything and—”

“No!” he wants to berate himself for yelling. To feel ashamed for raising his voice but the sound of it is so strangled and sounds more like a helpless yelp than anything, only really serving to make him feel more embarrassed.

It’s Embarrassing…

Have you been feeling this way the whole time?

“It’s just that…” many words want to spring their way out of his mouth all at once, and considering his tongue has yet to master the skill of saying two separate words at the same time, Muriel is just left to struggle. “I’ve never…. No one’s ever… It’s not bad it’s just….” He can’t speak. He’s as effective as if he were mute, eyes practically spinning in his skull, as he tries to look anywhere but you.

Still he manages a glance your way, and it gives him pause to find you staring intently at the ground, a little smile stuck upon your lips.

“Oh.”

You try to hide it behind your hand. And Muriel’s terrified to find his first instinct is to grab your wrist and keep you from hiding away, like some sort of greedy hypocrite. To deprive you of the chance to hide when all he would ever do—all he was ever going to do, would be the exact same thing. It’s greed isn’t it? First for your flowers, and your mild kindness towards him and now—! Now!!

What was he going to do now?!

“Do you want a flower?”

You blurt the words out, slamming your hand over your lips to hide away promptly after. You’re standing now, unable to tuck yourself back into your knees, but your hands are still a serviceable shield. It’s nothing to block the words that begin to pour from your lips, but maybe you aren’t trying to stop that. Maybe it’s just your expression. He wonders at what you look like so flustered….

How greedy.

“I mean It’s just—I don’t know if you want something other than a tulip—I’ve given you so many tulips—I haven’t even asked you about your favourite flower! You know! So I just thought! Just— Any flower you want!! Just one!!”

You scurry off somewhere, possibly off to tend to your flowers for something, trying to busy your hands, or just to get away from him. He understands both sentiments very well as his hands tangle themselves together twisting and pulling as he wearily gets up and looks around your pocket of paradise once more.

He doesn’t really want to take any of your flowers. At least… not pluck them straight off of the ground.

The tulip beds overflow with flowers, and like a moth about to be burnt by the flame he wanders towards it, unable to bite back his urges when he plucks a flower from it’s place.

It’s not something he wants it’s just…

It’s stupid….. But……

You return with an armful of various flowers, small simple little things, that fill your arms and get tangled in your clothes, some even worming your way to sit around your shoulders like little faeries peering over at him.

And you offer all that hasn’t attached itself to you, to him.

You don’t even speak, you just shove it all into his arms, like some last ditch effort for… something. As if this was a last ditch effort at all.

The flowers just barely all fit into the crook of his arm, and he’s grateful for once, for being so large. That he can hold so much in one arm alone, as it leaves his other arm free to offer your tulip back to you.

It’s a sign of affection you said. He hopes you understand, because he really can’t stomach speaking right now.

Surely, surely you do… right?

Your eyes go wide as if it was not your own flower he had been offering to you, gingerly taking the little bloom by it’s stem into your own hands.

And when you glance up at him, looking so happy, so giddy and yet trying and failing to hold it all back, he finds that same warm sunshine you’ve offered him when you leaned out your window the first time you met.

It’s so bright, it almost burns. At least, it certainly makes his face burn. He can’t stare at you for long, turning away sharply as he fights the urge to take more than he’s due, to sweep the dirt from your face, pluck the flower from your hand and tuck it behind your ear…. Or…. Something…..

He has to go. He has to leave. His face can’t take much more of this overwhelming warmth.

“I have to—” he begins his retreat muttering as he goes, but you grab him, your hand clinging to the slim portion of his wrist, fingers slipping beneath the cuff, to sensitive skin beneath, as if scared that he might try to tear your hand from his skin.

“Wait you….” Your smile faltered, growing into something sad as you stared at him. “Will…. Will I remember you?”

And for all he wanted to escape, he turns back to you to slip your fingers free from the uncomfortable hold they have on his wrist, to instead take your hand in his own and give what he hopes is a reassuring squeeze. “Yes. You…. Yes. You’ll remember me. So long as you have that pouch I gave you…”

He can see it in your eyes, in the furrow of your brow and how you lean closer to him. You want to know why. What had happened to him, how it happened. You want to ask about the spell that he asked for himself.

But you don’t.

That soft smile glows his way instead, and you squeeze your own hand against his once more.

“Okay,” you say hand already falling slack. “I’ll see you in the market then.” You’re just barely holding on to his fingers now, still squeezing, still trying to let go. “You’ll visit, right?”

He wants to say yes, but you’ll remember him now, and he’d hate to leave you waiting for him.

“The market isn’t really….”

“Ah right." You laugh, though a little awkwardly. "How about here then? Do… do you think you can come back here sometime?”

He nods, not trusting his voice to speak for him. Your fingers are nearly gone from his hand, but you curl them up against his anyways, giving one final squeeze before your hand falls away.

He turns, and with the loud creak of the metal gate marking his departure, he sends one final glance to you, finding you grinning from ear to ear, waving at him as he goes. “Come back soon! I really want to get to know you!”

Tongue tied, and the need to escape burning furiously through his body, Muriel smiles and nods, before he slips through the gate and through the foliage that hides it, already planning the fastest way to get back home, and the fastest way to return to your garden the next day.

–––––––––✿・✿・✿–––––––––

When Muriel gets home his hands are a trembling mess. He misses many times, trying to slip the many flowers he’s received back into the little cup along with the others. Perhaps it’s a bad decision to take up a knife when his hands are trembling this much, but just as much as he shakes with the overwhelming wave of anxiety from talking with you, he trembles just as much with an itch to create.

It’s hard work, and long work, and it’s very far from done when the sun finally sinks down into the sky, but the shape is at least there, and tomorrow he’ll work on scooping out the insides of it to make a vase.

His thumb sweeps over the patterns clumsily carved into the wood but he smiles as he follows the grooves of his work.

A little heart sitting amidst a garden of clumsily carved flowers.

It’s fitting, in a way.

It seems to be where he’s left his own after all.

……

…It…also seems to be where he’s left his basket.

Ah, well, looks like he’ll have to go there tomorrow then, right?

#answering asks #Anonymous #x reader #reader insert #Muriel x reader #Muriel the arcana #Muriel #the arcana muriel #the arcana muriel x reader #the arcana #Muriel the mountain man #Muriel the hermit #muriel of the kokkhuri #muriel arcana #muriel the hermit

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year

Text

looking very closely at the website neighborhood and here's some little things i noticed (plus some overthinking & flower symbolism):

~ the only butterflies on the "map" are the ones outside of Frank's house, and the single one outside of Eddie's.

~~ i think the flowers outside of Eddie's are either hyacinths or lavender. given that the flowers are different colors, they're probably hyacinths. which is a Fascinating choice to me, because hyacinths can symbolize regret, devotion (especially beyond death), love, forgiveness, and jealousy - depending on the flower color. Eddie has light blue, dark blue, and purple. The butterfly is landing on the purple one (sorrow, mourning, forgiveness, regret, devoted love).

~~ its also Fascinating because the myth behinds hyacinths is about the greek god Apollo and his (male) human lover, Hyacinthus. they were playing discus (metal frisbee). Apollo threw the discus too hard, and it bounced back and hit Hyacinthus, killing him. devastated, Apollo grew the hyacinth flower from Hyacinthus' spilled blood. SO THE FACT THAT EDDIE, GAY PUPPET EDDIE, HAS HYACINTH FLOWERS OUTSIDE THE POST OFFICE IS UM. INCH RESTING!

~~ (also also in the myth, Apollo wanted to rescind his immortality to join Hyacinthus in his death. and in an alternate version of the myth, Hyacinthus was technically murdered, because Zephyrus was jealous that Apollo preferred a mortal over him & purposefully blew the discus off course to strike Hyacinthus. things to think about. yes, in this whole myth metaphor im viewing Eddie as Hyacinthus and Frank as Apollo. do with this what you will)

~ All of the trees in the neighborhood are in the same general style, except for the tree outside of Sally's home, which is a pine tree. i wonder why!

~ the only buildings with second floors are Barnaby's, Frank's, Sally's, and Poppy's homes. rip the "wally falls down the stairs" memes

~ there's a teeny tiny Home in the post office display window

~ Julie's house has quite a lot of heart symbolism. like, a weird amount. an amount to the point where i now have an entire theory around what her role and arc might be. i Will talk about it with minimal prompting.

~ one of the swingset balloons has a happy face balloon with its eyes closed, which stands out to me (and fuels my julie theory)

~ the only neighbors who don't have flowers outside of their buildings are Sally, Julie (disregarding decoration), and Howdy.

~ Poppy has daffodils, which symbolize rebirth, new beginnings, resilience, and hope. however, they have a negative side of selfishness.

~ Barnaby has red, yellow, and blue tulips. red means undying love, admiration, and truth. yellow means "there's sunshine in your smile", joy, happiness, friendship - But it can also mean unrequited love or jealousy. Blue means individuality, trust, and good luck

~~ note that there's a dead/trampled white tulip. white tulips symbolize sorrow, "my condolences", apology, honor, purity, faith.

~ Frank has sunflowers, daisies, and some others, but those i think are more generic, unspecific flowers for added decoration. i couldn't find a "red flower on vine" that fits the general look of the ones on his house. now, sunflowers symbolize adoration, loyalty, longevity, happiness (also, might i add that these flowers are from another greek myth about apollo, this one where Apollo turns a jealous nymph into a sunflower for snitching on his mortal lover, which got her (the lover) killed. inch resting indeed.)

~~ also blue daisies, which i am assuming are the blue flowers outside his house, symbolize freedom, trust, loyalty, confidence, and honesty. lots of positivity surrounding Frank's house!

~ Wally has daisies. these symbolize innocence, purity, new beginnings, hope, and affection. it can also symbolize the ability to keep a secret. a fun fact i found interesting is the word daisy comes from an old english word meaning "day's eye."

~~ do i believe these flower choices were purposeful? maybe. probably. it does seem strange that there are specific, distinct flowers drawn in equally specific parts of the "map", while a couple of generic "cartoon" style flowers are sprinkled throughout

~ three green apples are growing on the tree next to Howdy's Place

~ it stands out to me that the bodega window above the fruit stands is completely blacked out. no window shine or nothing

~ Sally's "yard" is weirdly barren. everyone else's buildings (excluding Home) has several things decorating the surrounding area. all she has is a spotlight and a tree.

~ Barnaby's house having paint all over it (and a paintbrush & can next to it) is just cute to me. it makes me think that he wanted to paint like his lil' buddy Wally and just went ham with it. or it was a team effort between them<3

~ it took me a while to notice the tiny "Eddie's" painted above Post Office. it gives the vibe (to me) of him tacking on the "Eddie's" to make the office feel more like his. maybe he saw the sign "Howdy's Place" and decided to paint his name on his building to make himself feel more established and at home

~ there's something on / part of Frank's roof. i don't know what it is. if anyone has an idea please tell me its driving me insane. at first i thought it was a chimney but theres two? making an additional symmetrical structure? idk!!

~ there are only three buildings with straight up rainbows. Eddie's post office (hanging from the roof and in the window), Sally's house (the entire front), and Frank's house (butterfly on the door wreath. i almost didn't catch it, it's a sneaky one!)

#conclusion: i am definitely overthinking but being proven wrong through discovery is half of the fun #(and turning out to be either right on the money or even partially-right is the other half of the fun)#its just!!! its really strange how fitting some of the flower choices are!!#eddie has flowers that are 'from' a greek myth about tragic gay love.#barnaby has a trampled tulip that is often used as a sympathy funeral flower. along with all of his other character references to death #frank has one of the few flowers other than hyacinths that directly links to a greek myth where apollo's mortal lover dies tragically #(which is just a weird coincidence if you ask me. the canon lovers both having greek myth apollo based tragic love flowers)#wally has flowers that symbolize keeping secrets and whos etymology is literally 'days eye'. him. the eye contact connoisseur #who's from something that puts emphasis on daytime while spurning night as something forbidden #ITS JUST!!!! WHY DOES IT FIT SO WELL!!!!#either these are some craaaaazy coinkydinks or this was Purposeful.#my flower-symbolism loving ass is chewing on this like a rabid dog #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home speculation

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rizzstappen · 1 year

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College Au, I agree that you def should write it 👀👀

Ahh okay I’ve been tinkering with this for a bit! Thank you for this ask Danni!!

This is my first time writing for Maxiel and first time writing rpf in years so please be easy on me 😭 but of course feedback and any questions are welcome!! Inspired by this picture and the tags!!

Sorry for any mistakes! But I don’t think I can look or edit this anymore without going insane 🤪 enjoy!!!

Maxiel College AU where it’s a special day during junior year!

—

“C’mon one more DR!” Blake shouted from across the tennis court. The Austin sun beating down on them making the already humid day feel worse than it actually was.

“Yeah, nah mate,” Daniel called back as the three men walked toward the net where they had set their backpacks down to get in a quick tennis match. “Max is waiting for me. I promised I’d be back on time. He says it’s a special day.”

Daniel had been thinking all day about it.

Before leaving for class Max had whispered to Daniel something about a special day. In his sleepy haze all the Aussie could do was hum and try to pull his boyfriend back into the warm duvet covers away from the busy campus outside their window.

Every morning was a routine once the semester began. Max woke at 7 am for his 8 am lecture. Showered. Got dressed. Kissed Daniel before he headed out the door. Daniel, of course, didn’t have class until 1:30. He liked sleeping in and staying up late. Plus he worked at the local bar which meant late night shifts. Max didn’t mind it. They always made sure to leave the afternoons free around dinner time so they could catch up on the day before Max went to play FIFA or do homework and Daniel went to work.

“He said that? You don’t know what the special day is?” Scotty asked with a slight scoff knowing if he forgot a date Chloe would have his head.

Daniel rolled his eyes sliding his backpack onto his shoulders and hiding his sweaty curls under a black and green hat “no he didn’t say what it was. If I ask he might kill me so I’m off to get some flowers on my way home” he nodded hopping the day would reveal itself when he walked in the door.

After saying bye to Blake and Scotty, Daniel headed out to the local flower shop. It was small with a French exchange student behind the counter who flirted way too much with Max in his opinion. The green eyed student recommended a bouquet of roses. Cliche.

Instead Daniel opted for an assortment of red, yellow and white tulips. Like the ones Max spoke about from his home country. Daniel liked to get flowers often wanting to give Max a little piece of home since he couldn’t travel back to Holland often.

The jingle of his key alerted the cats of Daniel’s return to the small apartment. Once inside the cats curled around his ankles and purred against his leg welcoming him back. Daniel leaned down scratching both Jimmy and Sassy behind their ears with whispered ‘hey guys, where’s dad?’ He toed off his shoes by the door before walking towards the living room. Max wasn’t in his usual spot on the worn leather couch Daniel had practically begged Max to bring back after they found it on the side of the road last year.

“Hello?” He called out the crinkle of the cellophane echoing around the tulips in Daniel’s hand.

“Shit” Max’s quiet voice echoed coming from the kitchen. Daniel made his way over seeing Max fussing over…something? His broad shoulders hunched down pulling at the fabric of his black polo that were tucked into his jeans being held up by a black belt.

Max turned holding a tray in his hands with what should’ve been a cake. The white frosting and vanilla bread had clearly turned into a crumbly mess.

“It’s supposed to be a cake, of course, but I think I took the bread out too soon and it was too hot. Of course I just wanted it to be decorated before you got back-“ Max rambled. A grin spread on Daniels lips “a cake for this special day?” He asked trying to real more information out of his boyfriend about this mystery day.

Max raised an eyebrow and nodded “of course why wouldn’t there be a cake?” He says.

Cake. Birthday? No. Anniversary? No. Daniel still couldn’t wrack his brain about what this special day might be.

Max smirked at his boyfriend as he sets the tray down on the linoleum lined kitchen counter “you have no idea what today is huh?”

Shit. He was caught. Max could read him like a book but Daniel wouldn’t admit it of course. “What?! Of course I know what today is. I got you flowers. Tulips” he grinned handing over the bouquet.

Max inspects the flowers. Not as good as the ones from his hometown but he knew it was the thought that counted. Max looked his boyfriend in the eyes a grin on his lips as he speaks “then what is today?”

Daniel looks back for a moment. What other possible date would be important enough for a cake?

A laugh bubbles up from Max “you don’t even know!” he smirked happily moving to get a vase filled with water for his flowers. “Daniel it’s the day we met in class” he spoke over the water running into the green vase “three years ago, of course” he nodded shutting the water off and sliding the flowers into the water before setting them down “it’s called a meet cute. I think” he said before he gestured to the cake sat on the counter “that’s what Victoria called it. She said it would be cute to celebrate it.”

The words ‘happy 3 year meet cute’ scrawled out in red icing against the white frosting in Max’s handwriting

Daniel was stunned.

3 years. He couldn’t believe 3 years had flown by. He remembered walking into his Horticulture 120 lecture and the only spot left was next to Max at the front row. He was sure he’d drop the class. It was an elective after all. But then he turned and saw Max’s eyes. Blue. Like the Maldives. In that moment Daniel knew he had to stay. So he did and clumsily introduced himself. His braces giving him a slight lisp. But it was the best thing he had done. Now he had an apartment and two cats with that same boy. And they were celebrating meeting 3 year later.

Daniel gives his boyfriend a soft look before his own laughter filled the space between them “oh Maxy” he said “that’s adorable really. Thank you” he says admiring the icing work he had attempted winning his finger into the white frosting and licking it off his finger.

“Happy three year meet cute anniversary” he said leaning in kissing Max’s blushing cheeks.

Max smiled turning to look at his boyfriend “happy three year meet cute anniversary” he whispered before planting a kiss on Daniel lips.

#thank you again Danni!!! I hope this meets your expectations!!!#in my head Daniel and max didn’t get together until halfway through the semester while working on a project together #that’s when they find out they live in the same dorm and hang out even more after that #and daniel is a engineering major at first but he switches to photography by this time #max does computer science #of course they go to UT!#and max is there on visa and Blake Scotty and Daniel decided to all just go there because dan loved it #hook ‘em!#and Charles runs the flower shop when he’s in school and flirts shamelessly with all the people who #come in and buy flowers #let me know if you want any more!!!#again I hope this is okay!#maxiel #my fic #asks #onboardsorasora #college au

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dayurno · 9 months

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recently reread ur de-aged kevin fic and in the end notes you said you were thinking of doing a sequel w neilandrew being de-aged and just wanted to throw my hat in the ring to say yes pls! you genuinely have such incredible writing and characterization and would LOVE to see your take on it!

wawawa i plan to write it!!!!! i did start a little bit after finishing de-aged kevin and had to scrap it off because i didn't like it, so it might take a little longer. nonetheless i feel like i have no reason not to share it so i'll attach under the cut the scrapped version of kevin with de-aged andreil for your enjoyment :=) if its a little wonky i ask that you bear with me theres a reason why i didnt keep this version

There is a little garden behind Fox Tower where you could fit a dead body without any real effort.

Not that Kevin would know, of course. But he is sure that he has never seen anyone besides himself tend to the ground there — perhaps once in the past there was another athlete who enjoyed gardening, but such a character has not been around for at least a few years. It took Kevin almost an entire week to entirely weed out the square of dirt between Fox Tower’s backdoors and the fence where Palmetto State University property ends and Fox Perimeter starts.

Despite the loneliness of it, the ground is quite fertile; as patches of earth left alone by humankind often are. No one ever comes with Kevin when he gardens — Andrew finding it too soft a hobby and Neil, too pointless —, so there is no worry about someone else intervening with his flowers. Worlds apart from Evermore, Kevin quite enjoys the alone time tending to this garden provides, so he makes a habit out of it.

He’s not sure how well he is doing. His first attempt had been to plant daylilies, because the name had amused him and they were considered beginner plants, offending as the thought is. Daylilies, Kevin’s come to find, are low-maintenance, highly resistant and pest-free — three things Kevin cannot relate to, despite them sharing a surname. Those turned out fine, but one cannot go wrong with daylilies; they’re too easy. The only way Kevin could’ve killed them is if he was an absolute moron.

His second attempt — and the one he is currently keeping a close watch on — were tulips. They’re harder to care for than their predecessors, and take up more of Kevin’s time than he had previously imagined, though he doesn’t fault them for it. He’d gotten seeds from a shop a few blocks down to where Andrew usually buys his cigarettes in Columbia, and hadn’t bothered to ask for more information; Kevin’s first mistake, he realizes.

His tulips have… multiplied. Perhaps too much — hopeless, Kevin sits amidst the rows and rows of golden ladies, dainty-looking but quite surely outnumbering him, and wonders how many more of them could cause a natural imbalance in the area. For how they spread over the garden, Kevin is not sure he wants the answer. Their yellow bulbs seem to mock him.

Deciding this is now above him, Kevin wipes the dirt from his knees and springs up. He breaks the stem of a few tulips that have already bloomed, mindful that they must reserve their energy for a future reblooming, and checks for rotten bulbs before leaving. Surely, with time, his little garden will recover well enough so that it is not fully covered in tulips. Surely he’ll be able to plant something else, then.

If anything, Kevin is at least happy they don’t have thorns. Gathering the handful of flowers he’d cut off, he returns to his dorm, mindlessly wondering to himself if they have a vase wide enough to fit all of these tulips. When their whiny door pushes open under his weight, Kevin announces his arrival by calling out, “Do we still have that big vase from last year?”

No reply. Frowning, Kevin settles his flowers on the kitchen counter and glances over to where Andrew’s wallet and keys sit at their coffee table, even his half-finished pack of cigarettes left untouched. It is highly unlikely for Andrew to leave without at least one of those three items, creature of habit he is. How weird.

Grabbing for his phone, Kevin sees a flash of motion from the corner of his eye, and is just quick enough to sidestep a little body hiding behind the back of their sofa. The idea of something as small as this just hanging around their dorm is so baffling Kevin can hardly compute it, communication between his eyes and his brain coming to a screeching stop as he takes in the sight in front of him.

There’s a child. There’s a — there’s a child.

He is quite small. His hair, a gentle wheat-like thing, curls softly over his forehead, leading down to big, round brown eyes and a thin mouth. The child’s face is very tender, his cheeks flushed from exertion, but he does not meet Kevin’s stare with any such feeling — instead, his eyes widen slightly, and he stumbles back like he’s been hit.

For a moment, Kevin even worries he hasn’t sidestepped as well as he thought and indeed had hit this child on accident. Taking a few steps back himself, Kevin asks, “Who are you?”

It seems like the kind of question the child should ask him, instead of the opposite. The little boy tilts his head back to look at Kevin — and he does have to tilt it very far —, before steeling himself to answer, “I’m—I think I live here now?”

“That…” Kevin hesitates, “can’t be right.” The child’s eyes water slightly. Growing more and more panicked by the minute, Kevin immediately retracts it. “But I’m sure it is, if you’re saying it.”

The tears don’t fall, but they don’t quite recede either; the little boy's face is so fair it starts to look splotchy soon enough, red dusting his nose and cheeks. “Are you my new brother?” He asks, with all the certainty of someone who’s had many new brothers before. A nagging chill runs up Kevin’s spine.

“I don’t believe I am, since I don’t have any siblings,” Kevin limits himself to replying. He crouches down to meet the child’s stare, eyeing his tulips from above his head. Kevin really needs to get that vase soon; it’s not good for them to be out in the open like this. “Can you tell me your name? Why are you here? Where are your parents?”

The little boy eyes him suspiciously. He answers none of Kevin’s questions, but he informs, “There was another little boy too.”

“Right. Well,” Kevin stumbles a bit, unsure of what to say — and what to believe in, even. Children often see things that aren’t there for adults; he does not want to see any manner of spirit today. Or any other day. “Can you go get him for me? Then I can help you figure out what you’re doing here.”

“What else… can I be doing here?” The child asks, frowning lightly. “This is a new home. They—at the last one, they didn’t want me. And I have to be somewhere.”

Recognition shivers through Kevin. “I see,” he replies past the lump in his throat. “I think I might understand. The—the little boy that you mentioned, did he have blue eyes? And, and red hair?”

Andrew crinkles his little nose. “Was orange, not red.”

Oh. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. “I understand it now.” Kevin’s thighs tremble too much for him to hold his crouch, so he sits back on his heels, kneeling at Andrew’s height. “How old are you? If you don’t mind.”

Andrew blinks at him for a moment too long before showing Kevin his spread palm — it is unbearably small, chubby, and quite pale, too. “I’m five,” he says.

And he is. He is five years old. He is very five years old by the looks of it, which is not the age Andrew Minyard should be, because before Kevin left for his garden, he was pretty sure the Andrew he left behind was twenty-one.

“You’re five. Okay. That makes sense. Of course,” Kevin babbles, having gone half-stupid from shock. That this could be happening to him — that it could be happening to them again, after Kevin had spent a week of last month being six years old and with no recollection of it. What kind of rotten cosmic joke is this? “I see. Okay, well, let me just—” He rubs a hand across his face. “Hello, I’m Kevin. I am a collegiate athlete. That means I play Exy for a university. Have you heard of it?”

“Exy is on the TV all the time,” Andrew counters, but it seems to be all that he knows. He looks a little hesitant before he nods; tight and anxious. “Hi. I’m Andrew Doe.”

Without a surname makes one a John Doe. Kevin’s heart squeezes. “Hello, Andrew,” he greets, trying to work his face into something gentler. “I understand what you mean now. You called it a new home, correct? It’s not like that. I think what happened here is…”

“Do you work for my father?” A small voice cuts Kevin’s sentence short. He whips his head around to meet a boy a good few inches taller than Andrew leaning against the doorway of their bedroom, his hair a light ginger. When Kevin’s eyes meet his, Neil — Nathaniel? — hunches in on himself in self-reproach, placing little hands in front of his head. “Sorry. I spoke out of turn.”

Kevin blinks. “No,” he answers, softening his voice. This is—this is not the time to doubt whether gentleness is achievable or not; this is the time to force it until it breaks, or until it gives. “I don’t work for your father. I’ve never even met him before.”

Neil pales. Perhaps the idea that someone does not know his father seems outlandish when Neil has been raised under his dominion — Kevin is sure it feels that way, for Neil to look so stricken. Often when you are this small and your parents are the overlords of your world, it feels strange to learn that they are not the end-all-be-all of everyone else’s.

Like a little tour guide, Andrew steps forward to explain, “I think you might be here because your mom and dad went away and children have to live somewhere.”

…Of course, being five years old, his understanding of the situation is about as good as Kevin had expected. Andrew’s explanation of the foster system is fairly good, all things considered, but too realistic for a child his age. He should, at least, still believe that they mean to find him a family instead of sending him from home to home because there is nowhere else for him to be.

Neil pales even further. “Is that true?”

“Is true. Is what happened to me.”

“Alright, alright,” Kevin intervenes at last, and two pairs of eyes turn to him; both hesitant in their own way. He coughs into his fist, deciding that honesty is the easiest route. “To be frank with both of you, I’m not sure why you’re here, either. But… thank you, Andrew, for trying to explain it.”

The little Andrew’s face does something unguarded and surprised before he looks away, blushing lightly.

Kevin keeps his eyes trained to his tulips. “I don’t know what happened for you to get here, but you’re welcome to stay until we can figure this out.”

He is eyed with suspicion from both sides. “I,” Neil shakily starts, the beginning of a meltdown creeping into his voice, “I want my mama. Where is she?”

“I’m sorry,” Kevin replies, and finds that he means it, “I don’t know. If I knew, I’d take you to her.”

He would do no such thing, but it is important to say it, anyway.

Springing upwards before Neil can bring out the waterworks, Kevin takes a few steps next to where he’d put aside his tulips and returns with one in each hand. “Here,” he says, kneeling to their height again. “Want a flower? I just got them from the garden.”

Andrew’s hand reaches for it, but does not bridge the distance, hesitant. Neil doesn’t even try to get it. “Flowers are for girls,” he tells Kevin.

“Hm. Do I look like a girl to you?”

“Yes.”

Kevin supposes that was a mistake on his part. It’s always the hair with children. “Well, I’m not,” he argues — argues! — with five-year-old Neil. “It’s very rude to not accept a gift.”

Neil eyes him, squinting quietly. He takes a few steps closer, looking more relaxed now that he’s figured Kevin is not working for his father. Coaxingly, Kevin offers one of the tulips in his direction — the bigger one, standing proud and yellow and delicate. It took a great effort for them to look this healthy. “These are called golden ladies. They’re perennials — that means they grow no matter the season. I plant them myself.”

A little hand curls around the stem of the smallest of Kevin’s tulips, catching it with all the clumsy delicacy of children who have yet to learn a finer touch. Letting Andrew take it, Kevin's mouth twitches. “Don’t worry about thorns, there’s none.”

He doesn’t mention the eco-system smasher Kevin had accidentally become in the process. Hopefully, no one notices the terrifying increase of tulips in Palmetto for the upcoming springs.

Andrew doesn’t answer him, eyes trained to the tulip. The yellow of the inner petals matches the pale of his hair; makes him look more flower than child. Sweet, sweet boy.

Kevin turns back to Neil. “Won’t you take it even if you don’t like them? I don’t have a vase yet. I’m afraid they’ll just rot if you don’t take them.” This is a lie — but it’s a fair one. Children shouldn’t be so restrained.

The idea of imminent destruction seems to convince Neil to walk the distance between himself and Kevin to take the flower in his little hand. He says nothing. Kevin can’t tell if he likes it at all — he’s so put-upon.

A little hand flutters in the general direction of Kevin’s head. “Why is your hair…” Andrew asks.

“What? Long?” The child nods. “What’s wrong about it?”

“It shouldn’t be like this.”

Well, that’s rude. Kevin huffs softly under his breath, absent-mindedly combing his fingers through his hair. “When I was a little over your age, I had a friend — a brother — who liked my hair like this. I think I just grew used to it.”

It’s not the full story, of course. He can’t tell them about Riko, and how much of his preferences Kevin had taken as law out of admiration, at first, then fear, later on. He can’t explain, either, that his hair staying this way is his own way of mourning — a childhood left unfinished, a little boy abused into the insanity of Riko’s final years, brotherhood yet to be tainted by blood and jealousy. Children this young can’t tell Kevin carries all the marks of the grieving.

“Oh,” Andrew replies. He looks like he wants to ask some more, but he doesn’t.

“I can teach you how to braid it later, if you want,” Kevin offers. He has not even a sliver of a clue about what children should do in their free time. In his time, his mother took him all around the world during her trips, which didn’t usually leave Kevin much time for playing; then, after she died, Exy consumed most of his time between little league and Tetsuji’s endurance bootcamp. “It’s a useful skill. You can impress your future wife with it.”

He knows well enough that Andrew is never, ever going to get a wife; still, Kevin knows no other way to frame the importance — or, rather, mask the lack thereof — of this to him.

Andrew nods politely. He, for one, is taking this much better than Neil seems to be — for good reason, Kevin imagines. Already registered in the foster system, Andrew must be used to adapting to new homes, new siblings, new adults with an eccentric knack for gardening and haircare. He’s indulging Kevin. A five-year-old!

“Well,” Kevin clears his throat, suddenly a little embarrassed. “Are you hungry? It should be almost lunchtime.”

No answer. It’s almost like dealing with the adults Andrew and Neil again.

Lunch is bland and unimaginative; Kevin follows the recipe obsessively, unwilling to make children choke down trash. It’s one thing for their adult selves to indulge Kevin in his lack of culinary talent, but children don’t yet have the taste buds for experimental food, nor the desire to put up with their caretakers’ inability to cook. More than once he resists the urge to add more spice — or even more salt.

While he cooks, Kevin allows Andrew and Neil to get acquainted with each other. They talk quietly, eyeing the other with no less suspicion they eyed Kevin with, and seem happy to do their own thing. Skittish, for sure: but can they be blamed for it? Kevin doesn’t expect them to hit it off immediately, especially with Neil’s under-socialization. In the week or so Kevin should have them, it is likely they’ll progress on that front.

Polite like a trained dog, Andrew waits by the kitchen doorway to help Kevin with setting the table. He’s far too small for such a task — he’ll drop any glassware Kevin gives him. Still, unwilling to let the child feel useless, Kevin asks him to set some napkins and cutlery out. Yes, that should be enough.

“Thank you, Andrew,” he says when he is done finishing up on their plates. Looking at the portions, Kevin is inclined to think they are far too much for someone of their size, but he doubts either have had access to an unrestricted meal in quite a while. At their age, Kevin knows he hadn’t. “It is very kind of you to help with the table.”

Andrew tilts his head towards his food without comment. He is almost unnervingly polite. It’s not the Andrew Kevin knows, and the contrast feels scathing.

Despite the children’s best efforts, their meal is not quiet. Kevin is not good with children, but he likes to think he is good with Andrew and Neil — as good as one can be, anyway. He prompts them into conversation by asking questions about their interests, their lives, their routines; half of it is trying to figure out how to care for these two, and the other half is emulating a chewed-out memory of how Kayleigh used to talk to him.

She was never the kind of parent who baby-talked to Kevin. As soon as he was able to, she tried to engage him in conversation — however loose that concept can be for a five-year-old. Kayleigh, from what he remembers of her, had the ability to make anyone feel listened to; Kevin doesn’t remember ever doubting she cared for his childish babbling about toys and daycare, even if nostalgia had colored the memory a soft mouth-pink. He only wishes he would’ve gotten at least half of her social adeptness. From Kayleigh, all Kevin got was green eyes, a gaping hunger for success and an inescapable attraction to troubled men.

“I play Exy and I like books,” Kevin offers in trade for information. It’s — well, he doesn’t have many hobbies. The gardening and the cooking are a late product of much of Dr. Betsy Dobson’s insistence that Kevin must make something out of himself that isn’t Exy-related. “I like cooking but I’m not good at it. And I like gardening but it takes a lot of work so I don’t do it all the time.”

“It’s not that bad,” Andrew tells him, motioning to his food with small movements. He finished his plate in record time, inhaling Kevin’s poor attempt at a caesar salad like it’s a five stars meal. On the other hand, Neil is halfway through with his and looks done already. “Your food.”

“Not that bad?” Kevin tilts his head slightly, amused. He’ll take it, he supposes. “Thank you, Andrew.”

Hesitant, like perhaps he fears Kevin will be angry at him for it, Neil picks up the conversation where he left off to say, “I like… horses. But, um, like toys.”

“Horses, I see,” Kevin repeats, a bit hopeless. Children’s interests are so loose. “And what else?”

Neil flicks him a suspicious glare. “What else?”

“I gave you four of my interests. A conversation has to be equal.”

Looking as if Kevin had sprouted a second head right in front of him, Neil does not do as he is asked so much as he stares at Kevin, mouth open in a little o. Has no one asked this child what he likes before? It feels out of character for the Butcher of Baltimore, sure, but Neil’s mother had seemed to care for him, at least from what little Kevin had heard about her.

“No?” Kevin tries after a few moments of silence. “I’m just trying to be friends.”

“Why would you be my friend?” Neil asks, putting down his fork with surprising care; as if to ensure it makes no noise. Even his voice is small and unobtrusive, despite the words. “Adults and children aren’t friends. Adults want children to be quiet.”

Kevin hides a wince. He hadn’t imagined the Butcher of Baltimore, in all his serial killer glory, would have indulged his child in conversation — and by the way Neil acts, he could’ve guessed for himself that most of Neil’s childhood had been trying to stay out of his father’s way. But no one ever wants to assume the worst out of a loved one’s suffering; Kevin had held out hope there’d be at least a silver lining in Neil’s horror stories.

It is not unlike how Kevin and Riko were raised in the Nest, anyway. Their private tutors were stern, and despite much of their trying, there was no place for childhood in Evermore: they were told to keep quiet or else. The Master would often say that they were not to act like children — it hadn’t occurred to him up until now how cruel it is to forbid a child from being childish.

“Well, if I’m asking you, don’t you think I want to know?” Kevin argues. “Not all adults think the same thing. Do you think the same thing as every other child?”

A pause. Neil shakes his head, looking somewhat green, as if he had just realized what he said. From Kevin’s other side, Andrew stares anxiously.

Rubbing a hand through his face, Kevin slowly puts out, trying to enunciate his words as gentle as he can make them, “I am not angry that you spoke your mind. It makes sense, what you said.” He shakes his head a little. Only a few minutes in, and he’s already ruining it — Kevin’s no good for anything that doesn’t involve a racquet. “But I would not have asked if I didn’t want to know. Do you understand?”

A small, careful nod. Kevin will take whatever he can get.

“Good.” Kevin starts to gather the empty plates — his and Andrew’s —, and motions towards Neil’s half-finished one. “Do you not like it? I can make you something else, if you want.”

The sudden shift in conversation visibly vexes Neil, but, politely, he replies, “...Not hungry.”

From beside Kevin, Andrew flinches. Hurrying to dispel it, Kevin says, “It’ll be in the fridge in case you want it later.” Piling the plates into one of his hands, Kevin offers the other one to Andrew. “Come on, you didn’t get to tell me what you like during lunch.”

The child watches Kevin’s hand — the right one, smooth and unscarred if a little crooked from the years of gripping racquets — warily before accepting it, threading his little fingers through Kevin’s. His hand feels unimaginably small; so fragile it is a wonder it even exists. Kevin is reminded of the first time he saw a baby bird, back in Dublin: he’d told his mom he couldn’t tell if it was super ugly or super cute. She’d laughed for what felt like an eternity after.

Still sitting politely at the table, Neil watches their joined hands, frowning. Kevin can’t tell what he’s thinking — wouldn’t be able to even with an adult Neil —, but the face he makes claws at his heart. “N—” not his name, “ah, do you want to come with?”

Thus invited, Neil follows them into the kitchen. Kevin washes the dishes and listens as Andrew tells him, a little shyly, that he likes Sesame Street, street cats (“Really?” Kevin asks. “Aren’t their claws a little scary?” to which Andrew seems to lose some respect for him on the spot), chocolate and amusement parks, when he is allowed to go. It's a fairly common list — Kevin didn’t know what he expected a five-year-old version of Andrew to like. Something a little more unorthodox, perhaps.

But children are the same everywhere, at any point. Andrew soaks up the attention Kevin gives him, happy to answer all questions, if a little insecure on why Kevin would be asking them. Knowing where Andrew was at this age, he doesn’t doubt it’s been a while an adult has actually spoken to him with some level of care for what he has to say: when was the last time Andrew has actually felt companionship? Someone who hears what he says and asks questions about it?

It feels sacrilegious to stop now. Already out of dishes to clean, Kevin scrubs and re-scrubs their plates until his hands ache as he asks Andrew questions, not unaware of Neil’s watching eyes.

“And how is it? California?” Kevin asks. The next thing he says is a bold-faced lie, because he’s visited Jean before, but he still says it. “I’ve never been. I heard it’s beautiful.”

He’s heard no such thing. Jean seems to think California is where meaningful art goes to die, but he can’t tell Andrew that.

“Is okay,” Andrew tells him, propped up on a stool next to Kevin. His little legs swing mindlessly. “The traffic — there’s traffic. And Disneyland.”

“You’ve been?” He asks again.

“Oh, um, no.”

It’s expected. “I have not either,” Kevin relates, making it sound like a bigger woe than it really is. His hands are rubbed raw at this point, and the soap pricks at the skin of his palms — soon, he’ll have to stop. Just a little more. “I don’t think I’d like it, either way.”

Andrew watches him curiously. “Why?”

“I don’t like crowds.” It’s not as easy as that, but Kevin leaves it as it is. The prickling sensation of the soap starts to crawl up his wrist, and he decides it is time to stop. Drying his hands off on a nearby cloth, Kevin prompts, “How about some dessert?”

It is the first time he’s ever said those words, and they horrify him, but the quickly-hidden flash of interest in Andrew’s face is worth breaking his streak for. From the stool beside Andrew, Neil frowns lightly. This child is too serious — Kevin tries to remember if he was like this back in little league, but his memory is not the best after so many hits to the head.

He rummages through their freezer. Andrew’s adult self is fond of indulging — there are a few half-eaten ice cream cartons tucked beneath frozen peas and other such vegetables, though most of them are flavored a cherry liqueur Kevin will most certainly not feed to children. Scavenging further he is able to retain a sealed chocolate carton, the frost covering it making his fingertips tingle.

This has to be too frozen to eat. Helpless, Kevin turns to look at the two five-year-olds as if they have a better idea. It’s weird, now, to be the person Andrew and Neil look to for answers — Kevin is used to it being the other way around. He is caught thinking that he’ll probably struggle in the coming days, without his two little shadows making life easier for him.

“I think if I microwave it a little bit, nothing’s going to happen,” Kevin mumbles to himself, aware that he is not inspiring much respect as an authority figure. He’s no Andrew, after all: Kevin’s still himself, despite all his best efforts to be someone else.

The ice cream loses some of its original texture in the microwave, but, if anything, Andrew seems to enjoy it as Kevin passes him a bowl. Neil does not accept one himself, politely saying he doesn't like sweets, and the lack of attitude from him is disturbing. Kevin is used to Neil being a force of nature — seeing him this quiet, this contained, is not easy. It makes him think of the iron-shaped scar on his adult self’s chest. All that dead skin.

Unwilling to let him be left out, Kevin cuts some slices of apple for him, which Neil takes with some degree of gratefulness. The little boys settle in front of the TV while Kevin manages to find a children’s channel, looking small on their ratty dorm carpet. Kevin isn’t sure children should be this small in the first place — he’s not sure if they are little because of genetics, or neglect. How much can you hurt a child until they disappear?

Kevin sits himself with them, cross-legged. He is too old to see the appeal of children’s television, so most of it is watching them from the corner of his eye and finding out what to say to Aaron to get him to come and help.

You 14:36

Hello. I think whatever happened to me last month just happened to Andrew and Neil.

As in, they have turned into five-year-olds. If you’ve forgotten.

When there is no immediate response, Kevin huffs to himself and snatches a picture of their two little heads pending towards each other, deep in conversation about the show they are watching. Kevin is, at least, relieved to see them interacting at all: Andrew might have been to kindergarten already, but Neil has always been undersocialized, all tutors and nannies. If Kevin can’t be his friend, then at least Andrew can.

The picture gets him a quicker answer.

Aaron 14:45

what the fuck what the fuck what the ufck

why doe sthis keep fucking happening to you

Like it’s his fault!

You 14:45

This is not the kind of thing I can control.

They are good children. Polite. Easier to deal with than I was, I wager. But I need you to come and help.

Aaron 14:47

why should i

what makes you think i could help you

You 14:49

Because he is your brother.

Before Kevin can read Aaron’s answer, something hooks on his hair. Looking down, he finds Andrew’s hand hanging a few inches away from it, alarmed and wide-eyed at being caught. Behind him, Neil looks just as queasy, as if this had been their joint effort.

“Can I help you?” Kevin asks, raising his eyebrow a little. When he gets no response, he concedes, "You can touch. Don’t tug or pull. And keep it away from your mouth.”

No response. Kevin doubles down, “It’s really fine. Here.” He pulls his hair out of its low ponytail, letting it curtain down his shoulders and back. It’s not often he lets his hair down like this — it can be too much of a hassle. Kevin ought to cut it one day, but the thought still makes him a little sick to think of. “As long as you’re careful.”

An hesitant little hand inches closer and closer, still warily watching out for Kevin’s reaction. When Andrew finds no resistance, he combs little fingers down the length of Kevin’s hair, faint and amazed. He’s not very gentle — children are too clumsy for it, still, and there is some tugging. It doesn’t hurt, though. Kevin allows it.

Resigning himself to being played with, Kevin gives them his back, leaning his elbow against the couch. Another pair of little hands clutches at a chunk of hair, and he knows Andrew has convinced Neil to get in on their impromptu hairdresser salon. At least they’re playing, Kevin consoles himself as he feels a pull on his scalp. At least they’re getting along.

“I have hair ribbons on my desk,” he offers, knowing what he is setting himself up to and still going through with it. “Colorful ones. Satin. Would you like to see them?”

A pause on the tugging. “Really?” That was Neil.

“Yes. But I’ll have to get up to get them.”

“I can do it,” Andrew tells him, the ever-helpful little waiter. He’s so polite — Kevin wonders if they taught him there is a higher chance of getting adopted if you treat the foster parents with subservience. Probably. “Where is it?”

“Andrew, it’s fine—”

“I’ll do it. He’s still playing, so I’ll do it.”

So kind, giving Neil time to play by himself. Kevin, helplessly charmed, would allow him anything. “Okay. Thank you.” Motioning vaguely in the direction of their desks, he says, “It’s the one with the shelves on top of it. Yes, that one, with the books. Be careful not to hit your head!” Watching Andrew narrowly duck under a shelf gives Kevin half an aneurysm, but the child seems no less interested in his quest. “First drawer. There. Did you find it?”

“Yes,” Andrew replies, shoving a chubby fist into the drawer and pulling out a handful of hair ribbons, all different colors and sizes. There was an organization system to it, and his careless pulling has clearly ruined it. A little disheartened, Kevin doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “This?”

“Yes. Please keep the drawer closed.”

The drawer snaps shut, and Andrew makes his way back to them, freshly acquired ribbons falling over his fingers and wrist in colorful flops. Kevin doesn’t see him sit back down, but he feels Andrew’s hand on his hair again. “Why do you have shelves?” Neil asks after a few moments of silence, their hands working ribbons in his hair via extremely clumsy braiding. “Um, just you, I mean. The others are empty.”

That he’s asking anything seems like a blessing, when the child is so quiet. “My—” Kevin hesitates. How to even describe it? “My… friend built them for me. The shelves. He got annoyed at me for leaving my books everywhere.”

It’s true. Just as Kevin loathes Andrew’s habit of leaving his cigarettes anywhere, so does Andrew loathe Kevin’s astray book piles across the living room, left half-read or unfinished in his haste to get to class or practice. The shelves had been less of a compromise and more of a surprise: one day, they were simply sitting above his desk like they’ve always been there. Kevin never asked Andrew if he built them, but he figured the wood splinters on his fingers were reason enough. It took a lot of arguing for Andrew to take them out the right way, instead of just letting the splinters break on their own.

“Oh,” Andrew says, entirely unaware of the story being about his older self and focused on tying a bow on Kevin’s hair. “Where is he?”

“There’s two of them, actually. They’re away for work.” Kevin leans his head closer when the tugging starts to get a little painful. “What are you doing back there, anyway?”

“It’s pretty,” Neil murmurs, defending his work. Kevin doubts it is, but he’s happy to even have the little Neil’s attention at all.

“You know how to braid?” He asks, trying to steal a look and getting his head gently moved back by Andrew. “By the way, what’s your name? You haven’t said.”

Neil hesitates, hands freezing. Kevin keeps talking, “Whatever you want to be called.”

“Um,” Neil thinks on it for a moment. He seems to be rolling Kevin’s hair nervously around his fingers now; a nervous fidget. “My—my dad calls me Junior, but my mom calls me Nat—Nathaniel.”

He doesn’t say it like he enjoys being called either.

“Hello, Nathaniel,” Kevin tilts his head in acknowledgement, because he wasn’t raised in a barn. “I’m Kevin. It’s nice to meet you.”

Shy little thing he is, Nathaniel doesn’t answer.

The children play with Kevin’s hair for a few more minutes before losing interest, leaving him a mess of ribbons and tangles he decides not to deal with for now. He imagines they should be put to sleep soon — children this small sleep in the afternoon, do they not? At their age, Kevin is sure he had to be made to nap one way or another, what with his mother’s hectic schedule. It’s a bit of a parenting cop-out, he is aware, but… Kevin could use a nap himself. Sure the children do, too.

He makes a show out of yawning behind his palm. Two pairs of eyes turn to him, neither particularly moved by his display. Tough crowd.

“Maybe we can all take a nap,” Kevin suggests. Nothing.

#asks #kandreil #my writing #thisis very scuffed i did some minor editing but its seriously not good. dont perceive me

38 notes · View notes

ravenloop · 1 year

Note

Hello hope your day is ok!

[Your face... I know it!]

Pairing: Muriel x Florist!Reader

AN: I did this so late I'm so sorry—but here's your request! I hope you enjoy it <333 also sorry of there's any mistakes, Tumblr is being weird lately.

—————————————

It was never easy being Muriel.

Living, knowing he was a burden to his own family. Knowing he has to live with the guilt of who he killed for the rest of his life. Those memories haunted him, especially in moments like these. When everyone purposely stood far from him as he walked through the busy streets of Vesuvia.

Even in the crowded place, people still found a way to avoid him. His appearance alone struck fear in the hearts of people. And it made him... Sad? Annoyed? Want to scream out? He wasn't sure himself.

"Sir? Excuse me... Sir!" A soft voice pulled him out of the dark space in his mind. He looked to the side, a woman was calling him. How long was she doing that?

You smiled as the man finally looked at you. He didn't seem annoyed that you stopped him, thankfully. Just confused.

"Here..." Reaching into the basket you held, you pulled out a stunning orange tulip. You looked at him and then put your hand out, offering the flower.

Muriel was shocked at this. So shocked he didn't even do anything, he just stared down at the flower. Why were you being so kind and caring towards him—warily he narrowed his eyes.

"Flowers often brighten moods. Especially ones with colours like these." You glanced down at the flower in your hand before looking back into the man's eyes, "You seemed a little down... Maybe it could help."

"...Oh." His face goes pink, and he hoped the shadows casted by his cape made it hard to see.

Slowly, he reached out and took the tulip from you. Then quickly, he muttered "Thank you..." before walking faster than ever and leaving the area. It confused you, but you quickly went back to nurturing your flowers.

A week passes.

Muriel is back in Vesuvia.

Once again he roams through the busy streets and markets. It's what he's always done for the past couple years. Nothing is new.

As always, people avoid him. They're terrified of what he is, of what he can do. And many make it clear by hugging their bags and items close to them as he walks past, even though no one even knows him.

Then he reaches a familiar place. Your flower stall. He remembers it because you gave him a flower out of kindness. No one has ever done that for him. That small act never left his mind.

And when he passes by, thinking you'd simply ignore him, he's surprised when you do the exact opposite.

"Um... Sorry, sir? Sir!" He heard your voice for the second time and freezes before turning.

Again you smile at him, and again you pull out a tulip—this time a yellow one—and again you offer it to him.

"Flowers often brighten moods, you... Seemed a little down, maybe it could help?..." You hoped you didn't offend him. His intense gaze kept flickering between you and the tulip. He had almost a shocked expression on his face, but you couldn't exactly tell.

Gently, he grabbed it and uttered, "...Thank you." Before anything else could be said between you two, he left. But you failed to see the tiny traces of a smile on his lips.

Then Muriel notices the pattern.

This goes on for another two weeks. He'd take his usual route past your stall, you'd stop him and offer a tulip, and that would be the end until his next trip into Vesuvia.

It takes time, but he finally concludes and accepts that you're a person not wanting to hurt him.

"Um... Excuse me, sir?" He turns almost immediately this time, a neutral look on his face.

As expected, you smile at him and reach into your woven basket for a tulip. You really liked tulips, didn't you?

"Here... Flowers often—" "—brighten moods," Muriel unconsciously finishes the famous line for you. His eyes widen when he realises what he did and he looks to the side when your eyes go wide.

"You've um... Given me flowers before."

"I... Have?" You don't remember seeing this man before, let alone giving him your flowers. Did you forget one of your customers? A friend? Oh, now you felt bad.

"I... I'm sorry, I don't—"

You cut yourself off when the man sighs and almost hesitantly reaches into a pouch, pulling out a bundle of something. You recognise it as myrrh.

He gives it to you, and you slowly take it from him. The smell of myrrh fills your nostrils and your brain, it's delightful, but then it brings back memories.

You have seen this man before. And you gave him tulips! How could you forget?!

Your face flushes almost instantly at the embarassing fact that you didn't recognise the man you gave flowers to every week. You don't even think about how myrrh is what helped you remember him.

"I'm... Sorry." The man just nods, he himself looks flushed, "It's fine. I... liked... the flowers."

Then he actually smiles at you. It's small, but It's the first time you've seen him do so.

That makes you smile. "What's your name?"

"Muriel...".

"Well, Muriel." You offer the same tulip from earlier again, "Flowers often brighten moods, care to take one?"

At least your flowers finally brightened his mood.

#the arcana #the arcana x reader #the arcana muriel #the arcana Muriel x reader #muriel x reader #x reader #reader insert

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abiiors · 1 year

Note

“Come here and rest next to me. You’ve worked hard enough today.” for Ross please, reader works a highly stressful job, long hours etc and Ross would love her to give it up but she feels like she will rely on him too much if she doesn’t work

I love writing soft Ross so thank you for the ask 🥺

I’ve changed the actual dialogue a smidge to fit the context but here you go <3

Exhaustion

Ross is already making coffee for the third time today.

He’s in the kitchen, waiting for the french press to do its thing, while he gets your favourite mug out for you. It’s yellow, printed with tulips all over; a cute little thing he randomly saw in a little shop in Chicago that instantly made him think of you. But the mug fails to brighten him up today.

‘Do you want some snacks with it, love?’ he calls out from the kitchen, strains his ear for your answer but nothing. The house is silent.

He doesn’t bother asking again. If you want some, then he’ll just run back to the kitchen and get it for you. Instead, he picks up the steaming mug and makes his way to the study.

You sit hunched over on the comfy chair, knees pulled to your chest, chin resting on top. The music in your ears is so loud that he can practically hear the heavy guitar riff outside of your headphones.

‘I got you coffee, darling,’ he calls out but you don’t budge.

Your eyes are wide open, focused on the laptop in front of you, staring at the document on the screen intently, one hand rests on the mouse, the other massages your temples and your neck every so often.

‘Coffee, darling,’ he calls out again and tries to pull your headphones back with one hand.

You startle slightly and swivel in the chair to look at him. ‘Jesus!’ you breathe, hand on your chest and then your eyes move from him to the mug in his hands. ‘Oh, thank you. I’m getting so drowsy, honestly.’

He hands you the mug which you accept gratefully, sighing at the first sip. Which is how you miss his assessing gaze on you and the frown that comes right after.

‘So take a break for a bit.’

You look at him as if he’s just suggested the wildest thing possible. And he realises that he’s going to have to put up a fight.

The table you’re working on is cluttered. There are papers strewn haphazardly and some files are peaking out from underneath. Pens with their caps missing, a plate of half-eaten toast and marmalade. The previous two cups of coffee; one with dried brown remnants and the other with cold, stale liquid still in it. This is not a good sign, not a good sign at all.

‘Come on,’ he nudges again, ‘when was the last time you got up from that chair?’

But you won’t answer him because he knows you don’t have an answer for him. It leaves him no choice but to grab the chair and swivel it some more to properly face him.

‘Not now, Ross!’ you complain, already trying to move your attention back to the laptop, ‘I need to get this done today.’ But he’s having none of it.

‘Even if it kills you?’ he challenges.

You roll your eyes and scoff lightly, ‘let’s not be dramatic, okay?’

Okay, so you’re not in the best of moods but this conversation can’t wait. ‘I’m not being dramatic,’ he tries as gently as possible. His intention is not to antagonise, he simply needs you to listen to him.

‘You were up until 2:30 last night. I know because I woke up to find the lights still on.’ He's kneeling down in front of your chair now, his hands in your lap and yours clutching onto the coffee cup for dear life. ‘And you’ve been awake since 7 back here again.’

Now that he’s looking at you intently, he realises that he does not like what he sees. The bags under your eyes are worse than ever. There’s a permanent frown etched onto your face. And worst of all are your red eyes. He knows you’ve been straining them for far longer than you should be, that they must be burning by now. And you look like you're minutes away from crying at all times.

Even now as you try to look at him with exasperation, he still sees you holding back tears. Worry twists in his gut, surges urgently.

‘Baby, I understand,’ you swallow past the lump in your throat before speaking again, ‘I know I haven’t spent much time with you this week—’

‘This is not about me,’ he interrupts firmly, shaking his head. 'This is about you.'

You close your eyes for so long that he wonders if you’ve fallen asleep on the spot. But then your hands move, bringing up the mug in front of your mouth again. This time, however, you press it against your forehead instead of taking a sip. He watches as you lean into the warmth of the mug, as your face relaxes just a smidge and he knows what’s happening.

‘You have a headache.’ It’s not a question. It’s a statement.

You don’t even take a beat before answering. ‘The coffee will fix it.’

Now he truly can’t help his exasperation. ‘No, sleep will fix it,’ he retorts. He knew you are hardworking but when did you become such a workaholic? He can barely recall three moments from this week when you didn’t have a laptop or some files in front of you, when you just sat with him and talked. Or slept.

‘Alright, that’s it!' he stands up to make a point. He is serious about this and he's going to be stern if he needs to. 'You either come with me right now or I’m carrying you out of here. You need to rest. You’ve worked hard enough for today.’

And he’s absolutely ready to do it too. He’s also prepared to argue that you don’t need to work so much at all, that he’s perfectly capable of taking care of you but that is a subject he will not happily broach again. Your opinions on it are clear to him and he can’t bring himself to take your independence away. Besides, the pressure aside, he knows how much you love your job.

He also fully knows he can pick you up and carry you out with him and straight to bed. You would be mad at first and might even try to argue with him but he’s willing to risk a sour mood if that means you get some proper shut-eye.

To his surprise, your lower lip wobbles. And in the smallest, most heart-breaking voice he’s ever heard from you, you utter one single word.

‘Okay.’

Ross wastes no time in setting the mug and shutting the laptop for you. He holds your hand in his all the way to your bedroom and helps you get in. Even tucks you in like a little kid. Then he climbs in from the other side and pulls you on half on top of him.

‘I’m sorry I made you worry,’ you speak in a small voice.

He can see the effects of lying down, your eyes are already half shut. Your voice practically comes out as a whisper. And so he tightens his arms around you further.

‘Forget about that for now, okay?’ he presses a kiss into your hair and stays like that. Then his fingers come up to play with a few strands of your hair, just the way you like it.

It takes little to no time for your breathing to deepen, for you to snuggle further into him. All he can do is hope that he can have a proper chat with you about this when you wake up.

#✉️#ross macdonald #ross macdonald x reader #ross macdonald x you #♡: ross blurbs #minors dni

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shintin · 2 years

Text

The Dark Side of The Sun

↳ Gojo Satoru x Female Reader

One-shot

Summary: It hurt Satoru how Suguru could be his best friend, his companion, and his most trusted person in his life; however, he could turn and become his bitterest enemy who knew how to hurt him by using you, because he was once his closest confidant.

Word count: 5.4 k

Warnings: Jujutsu Kaisen 0 Spoilers, Angst and Fluff, Mild NSFW content.

Notes:

According to Greek mythology, Daedalus, a mythical inventor, created wings made of feathers and wax to escape from Crete, where he and his son, Icarus, were held captive by King Minos. However, Icarus ignored his father's warnings and flew too close to the sun. His wings melted, and he fell into the sea, where he met his end. The saying “don't fly too close to the sun” references Icarus' recklessness and defiance of limitations.

The story's title was suggested by my friend, who believes that we are seeing the dark side of the sun (my beloved Satoru Gojo) here. Yeah, I'm aware of that! It's impossible for the sun to have a dark side! But that shiny yellow ball in the sky doesn't have a best friend named Suguru Geto, does it? As a result, anything is possible.

If Geto had read my story, I would have been executed as the Queen of Monkeys.

Song Recommendation: All I Ask - Adele

You can read my stories on AO3 and Wattpad and talk to me on Discord.

Go back to the master list.

It was nothing but a dream.

But,

Your lungs didn't expand. Your breaths kept coming in short bursts. A tight feeling spread through your chest, and you could feel your throat closing. You tried to scream, but you couldn't. You thrashed your arms and tried desperately to breathe, but the effort was futile. Your voice was unheard by anyone. Nobody would ever know you were dying, that your chest was filled with blood and pain, and you were in such an unbearable state of agony.

You couldn't breathe, you couldn't, you couldn't breathe—

In a flash, your eyes opened in terror, and you awoke. You were heaving in deep, harsh, gasping breaths, so overcome, so relieved to get oxygen into your lungs that you couldn't speak, couldn't do anything but try to inhale as much as possible. All your body was shaking, and your tremors were clammy, going from hot to cold too fast.

Gasping for breath was all you could do.

Your body was drenched in a cold sweat, your brain swimming in waves of pain. Despite your best efforts, you could not shake the nightmare.

Curses dancing in the streets; sorcerers falling before your eyes; red tulips of blood blooming on the ground, wounds of love all over your body, the smell of death in the air, his dead body in a corner, and then blood again.

It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream; you kept telling yourself.

You shook your head to blot out your thoughts but immediately noticed your mistake. Your mind was still dense and foggy, bathed in confusion. You blinked slowly, timidly, but no matter how far you forced them to open, you couldn't seem to take in any light. In silence, you stared up at the blank ceiling. It took you too long to figure out you had woken up in the middle of the night.

A sharp gasp.

It was you, your voice, your breath, your heartbeat. Where was your head? Why did it get so heavy? You tried to clear the haze and remember, but parts of you were still numb, such as your teeth and toes and the gap between your ribs. Hmm?!

You felt strange and slow, like wandering around in the mud, as if your bones had been filled with lead.

God damn it! Neither your head nor your shoulders had ever felt heavier.

You wondered whether it was the last drop of the hangover still haunting your veins. You shouldn't have drunk that much last night, but how were you supposed to stomach your dear brother, Suguru declaring war against Jujutsu High?

Idiot!

He left everything behind just because he believed his impossible ideas would become possible if he were stronger.

Then, a series of events followed.

He was accused of killing your parents, but of course, you didn't believe it. There was no way he would hurt jujutsu sorcerers. Despite his failure, he was honorable, and you hoped he would find a way back.

Years and years passed, and for you, he became a drop of water in a desert—rare and precious. Until he showed up after ten fucking years only to throw a bunch of threats, let's curse each other on the night parade of hundred demons and cursed spirits on your face. Clearly, he had changed. Having seen his tone firsthand, you can attest to its coldness. He no longer cared about you or his once best friend because he had formed a new, better family. It seemed as though you were dead to him when you refused to leave Shinjuku with him.

Suguru thought you betrayed him by staying with Satoru, by choosing the death of your own kind over non-sorcerers or monkeys, as he referred to them. And once again, your eyes watched him walk away until no trace of him remained.

Deja vu.

Asshole! You don't need to reach the sun to enjoy its warmth! We can solve the—

Hang on a minute! Something didn't feel right. How come you were in the infirmary? Why was this gauze stretched tight across your palm?

As far as your memory helped, you didn't get injured while exorcising Suguru's souvenirs. Huh, fucking alcohol! You scoffed.

You thought it wouldn't hurt, so gingerly, you began to remove the bandages, but as soon as your finger touched it, you shuddered unintentionally. You felt so solid with blood and bones, and suddenly, you were freezing. Your skin was cold rubber against the metallic bed.

The cold, the metal, the pain, and the delirium all confused you.

Another sudden jolt to your senses, and you were more alert, more yourself. Panic erased your illusions for a single moment of clarity, and you were able to push yourself up on one of your elbows, head spinning, eyes wild as they scanned the darkness.

The wind was gnawing at the window, straining against the walls. A far-off light caught your eye. How come there were lights out there like Christmas? People! You shook your head. The rain was falling on the roof like popcorn against a pane of glass. The sky was pissed, as if the world was torn apart.

You were about to lie back down, worn out, when you saw something move.

Someone placed a blanket on you, and you inhaled sharply, confused, trying to make sense of the person. The face was warped like you saw it from underwater and swam toward it, trying, trying till your chin fell against your chest as you lost the battle.

"Drink this," the voice said. It was clear but kind of vibrant, resonating through the walls. Your ears kept buzzing. You squinted to see the face but felt dizzy suddenly, disoriented.

You couldn't keep your head straight, so without question, you grabbed the cup with your other hand and gulped the water quickly, surprised by your own thirst. When you started to feel normal, you looked at the person's face.

You saw Satoru.

He stood at a distance, eyes red-rimmed, bloodied clothes rumpled on his body. He stared at you with an unmasked look of sadness that startled you. It wasn't anything like him. Satoru would rarely stop grinning or smirking. You would think he had been crying if you didn't know him any better.

God damn you, Suguru!

He didn't blink, his hands in fists pressed into his thighs. His eyes had tragedy and beauty, something stoical which refused to be moved. He stood and stared at your pale face and your eyes. Your once bright eyes were weary, tortured, bottomless.

You didn't know what was going on in his brain, but you couldn't stomach the look on his face, the dreadful, awful pain he made no effort to conceal.

You felt like you should say something to make it right.

"Are you mad at Suguru?" you asked, forcing yourself to smile.

Satoru's eyes got widened, and he barely shook his head. He only stared at you; somehow, his reaction wasn't enough. You wavered and frowned as you looked at him.

He felt his lungs malfunction. His mind was ravaged. Hysteria had been clawing at his insides for hours now. He had no idea what you would tell him or how you would react upon seeing him. He was horrified by what was going to happen next.

"We'll find a way to deal with him."

Blood rushed through Satoru's veins, hot and fast. What? What was happening? Why did you say that? He took a step back. He seemed petrified, looking at you like he wasn't sure how to act.

"Hey," you said sweetly. "Suguru is like that, you know. Maybe I should talk to him."

He looked up, stunned, his blue eyes round. His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat. Had you forgotten? You insisted on having a conversation with him. Yesterday. That's how you got here. It seemed he was serious when he said his family was no exception. How dare he! It hurt him how Suguru could be his best friend, his companion, and his most trusted person in his life, however, he could turn and become his bitterest enemy who knew how to hurt him by using you, his own sister, because he was once his closest confidant. The worstl betrayal.

"I was worried for nothing last night. I wish I'd listened to you," you said. You tried to smile again, convincing him that it wasn't the end of the fucking world if your brother had made empty promises and you'd quaffed a bottle or two. After all, special occasions require special celebrations. Huh!

But Satoru seemed incapable of speaking. All he could think about was what he had to say to you and how you might react. There was a small, desperate hope in his heart that was trying to be optimistic about the outcome.

Maybe you would understand.

He swallowed hard, stared at the floor, and you were suddenly compelled to ask a question. "Are you alright?"

When his eyes became abruptly glassy with emotion, when his shoulders trembled, even as he tried to hold himself still, you felt your own bones rattled.

Something terrible had already happened, or something terrible was on the verge of happening.

You tried to crawl out of bed and failed. It was as though two anvils were sitting on your knees, everything heavy, messy, confusing, and exhausting, and you couldn't but discern the general circumstances of your situation.

Vertigo flushed across your face, and pain gripped your mind, a vague realization that you had left something overlooked. Dusty emotions quivered within you. You couldn't even remember what you had forgotten. It was too hard to pay attention to something other than his burning eyes.

"Why are you standing there?"

"I…I—Y/N," he said, his voice husky with restraint as he watched you. His eyes dug into you as if to make sure you were still yourself. He only eased when you stepped into the sea of blue in his eyes, dived right in, and drowned. Yet, it felt like someone had punched a fist into his lungs and snatched up all his oxygen.

You slowly extended your hand to him to take it and tried not to betray your dizziness and nausea.

"It's gonna be okay," you heard yourself say, but the words sounded distant, disconnected from your lips. You felt numb, like your arms had been hollowed out.

Satoru looked unconvinced, yet he was breathing extra hard and trying not to show it. His hands kept clenching and unclenching.

There was glue all over his tongue, stuck to his teeth, his lips, and the roof of his mouth, and he couldn't speak. He couldn't move. He was pretty sure he just had a seizure or an aneurysm or heart failure or something equally as terrible, but he couldn't explain any of this to you because he couldn't move his jaw even a bit.

No one ever imagined he could be so sad, so human, and vulnerable, but it was there. It was right there. Raw, written across his face like it had been ripped out of his chest.

After all, the man blamed himself for everything. This was a burden he was born to carry—the guilt.

The pain was so plain on his face that it was killing you. You felt it. You felt it was killing you.

"What's wrong?" You asked and studied his eyes; your gaze locked onto him as if trying to read him for clues. But he broke the connection too soon. He looked as if he might speak, but he changed his mind. He took a deep breath, tightening his lips to keep the words from escaping.

You gently held his hand, brushing it with your thumb as his pleasant, masculine scent filled your head, and you breathed him in almost unwillingly. It was painful to be so close and far away from him. You wanted to bridge the gap between your bodies desperately. You wanted to press your lips on every part of him and savor the fragrance of his skin and the strength of his libs. You wanted to be enveloped in the warmth and assurance of his body. It was like you had died and found your way back to him.

"We're going to get through this together." You looked so deeply into his eyes that he was surprised he hadn't cracked under secrets and lies.

You didn't remember.

"I have to talk to you," he said quietly, still looking at you as if he was trying to find something, like searching for an answer to an un-asked question.

You felt your stomach flip. Your instincts told you to panic. "Is everything okay?"

It took him long to answer, "I don't know."

You stared at him, confused. His words were just a whisper, but something wobbled through your skull. Your mind spoke in a thousand different languages that you couldn't comprehend. Satoru was so close; he was so close, and you couldn't care less about any of it. You felt neither your pain, coldness, or emptiness of the room because you felt only him, everywhere, filling everything. You disregarded the warnings from your brain.

You struggled to your feet, and when Satoru met your eyes again, he took a sudden, sharp breath. You were so close he could feel your exhalation against his chest.

There was something off about you, and he could turn his Infinity on to avoid what was about to happen, but when it came to you, Infinity, what? His entire life revolved around you, days and nights, for years. You knew every inch of his insides and outsides, and if you thought he deserved it, then he believed this was the way to die.

An overwhelming urge to kiss you overtook him, and he thought about it for a moment. Just the idea sent a thrill into his spine, a dizzying feeling that inspired his mind to jump too far, too fast. He could picture it with terrifying clarity.

His gaze swept across your face, down your neck and arms, and stopped at your waist. The memory of his kisses along your torso, his hands exploring your back, your bare legs, the backs of your thighs, his fingers hooking around the elastic band of your underwear, your soft—

Oh.

It was like you could see into his thoughts. You grazed his bottom lip with your thumb, tracing the shape of his mouth. His lips parted even though he asked them not to. You stepped closer. He tried to move, but your hand slipped behind his neck and tightened. He shook his head desperately, but the sensation was so comfortable that you could no longer feel the strange creak in your bones, the ache in your heart.

"You said you wanted to talk to me, right?"

"Yes," he said, mumbling the word. "Yes." He felt dazed.

"Can it wait?"

He didn't know what came over him.

Desperation.

Desire.

Fear.

Love.

It hit him with a painful force, the reminder of what he had done. Then he looked at you, standing in front of him, a question in your eyes, and he couldn't think of anything but how much he wanted you in his life.

"Yes, of course," he said quickly. "Of course, it can wait."

You smiled and met him here, at this moment, in an instant, then kissed him without restraint, without hesitation, and clutched your arms around his neck.

His dark uniform was all blood, while your hospital gown all white, making the scene even more surreal.

His mind was blown, lost in an emotional surge, but he backed away. His heart was pounding fiercely in his chest. He barely remembered what he was trying to do. This wasn't right. Not right now. Not when he—

You stepped forward, stood on tiptoe, and reeled him in, all warmth, heat, and sweetness. You pressed your lips to his. For a moment, he wanted to pull you against him, get drugged by the feel of you, but he didn't. He tried to break the kiss, but you held him tighter, even as you continued to kiss him, even as you touched the secrets of his body through the dirty fabric.

Soon, the whiteness and redness mingled on your gown, but you didn't care. It never occurred to you to ask whose blood was that. Why should you question it, when as a sorcerer, you were born into blood, midway through death and hell?

Seconds later,

A zippered sound and the jacket was on the floor.

He felt your hands on his arms, and he held his breath. It was wrong, but he never moved an inch. He didn't object as your hands dropped to his waist to caress the material attempting to cover his body. Your fingers grazed the skin of his lower back, right underneath the hem of his shirt, and he lost count of the times his heart skipped a beat.

Your lips were soft, still slightly parted, and now the air in the room was too tight, too full of cotton. He felt the blood pouring into his head, encroaching on every rational region of his mind.

He wanted someone to remind him what he had done, what he had to do. But he had lost his goddamned mind.

He could drown at this moment, and he would never regret it. He could catch fire from this kiss and happily turn to ashes. He could live here, die here, right here, against your hips, your lips, in the emotion in your eyes as you sank into him, your heartbeats indistinguishable from his.

This. Forever. This.

He realized at this point that this was probably the last time he would ever get to feel your love. This may never happen again. The memory of his betrayal would never allow you to forgive him.

He thought again; maybe you would understand. You had been through so much together. You had overcome so much. It may be possible to overcome this as well.

The lines of your bodies merged. It was wave after wave of ice and heat, melting and catching fire. His mouth was on your skin, his strong arms surrounding you with love and warmth.

His muscles were taut, his body rock solid against yours. He had one hand around the back of your neck, the other around the back of your thigh, wrapping you together, overwhelming you with pleasure.

There was something wild and beautiful in him today, something you couldn't explain in the way he touched you, the way his fingers lingered along your shoulder blades, down the curve of your back, like you might evaporate at any moment, like he had to have you, like this might be the last time you would ever touch, and he was dying to memorize the feel of your lips against his own.

You closed your eyes.

Let go.

You lost track of time.

You lost track of your mind.

You only knew you wanted this forever.

The pain twitched your senses, but you couldn't let go of him. You wanted him closer, impossibly closer, because you had never felt so secure, loved, or protected as here, in the intimate fusion of your bodies.

He kissed you again and again, deep and urgent. He could no longer afford to lose time. There was so much he wanted, and there weren't enough years. He had a hundred million kisses and wanted to give them all to you.

He kissed your top lip.

He kissed your bottom lip.

He kissed just under your chin, the tip of your nose, the length of your forehead, both temples, your cheeks, and all across your jawline.

His hands seized the length of your back, memorizing every curve of your figure. He kissed your neck, your throat, and the slope of your shoulders.

He was saying something to you, running his hands down your body. His words were soft and hopeless, silky against your ear, and you could hardly hear him over the sound of your heart beating against your chest. But you could see it, when the muscles in his arms strained against his skin as he fought his thoughts to stay here, with you.

He gasped loudly, squeezing his eyes shut as he reached out, grabbing a fistful of your hair. You turned your face into his chest, trailing your nose up the line of his neck and breathing him in.

"I love you," you whispered and glanced at him from below.

"Y/N—" he said, and something broke inside him.

You loved these quiet, vulnerable moments. These brackets of time stapled between dreams and reality were your favorites.

Slow motion.

Satoru was so still. So unguarded. His face was smooth, his brow unfrowned, his lips wondering whether to part.

The First seconds after he opened his eyes were the sweetest. Some days you were lucky enough to look up before he did. You knew everything about him that mattered, and today, something was different. Today you watched him stir. Today when he opened his eyes, he looked suddenly disoriented. He blinked and looked around, backtracking too quickly as if he wanted to run and didn't remember how.

Today something was wrong.

And when you took his chin in your hand, he turned away. When you kissed his cheek, his neck, and the hard line of his jaw, he closed his eyes, and something inside him thawed; something broke loose in his bones. And when he opened his eyes again, he looked terrified.

You felt sick to your stomach.

"What is it?" you asked, your words scarcely making a sound. "What happened?"

He shook his head.

"Is it me?" Your heart was pulsating. "Did I do something wrong?"

His eyes went wide. "No, no, Y/N—" he said and gripped the back of his head, looking at the ceiling.

"Then why won't you look at me?"

He met your eyes, and you couldn't help but marvel at how much you loved his face, even now. He was so conventionally handsome, so remarkably beautiful. His eyes were an impossible shade of blue. Bright. Blinking. Then there was something in them that stung your heart.

And then—

"I have to tell you something," he said quietly, looking down. He lifted a hand to touch you, and his fingers trailed down the side of your torso. Delicate. Terrified.

He hesitated for too long. Exhaled. He dragged his hand across his mouth and his chin, down the back of his neck. Then, he stared at his hands, waiting for the part where someone would tell him this wasn't real. But he had woken up to discover all his nightmares weren't just bad dreams.

He was a horrible, self-serving, pathetic monster. He did what he could avoid. He knew better, and he did it anyway. You couldn't have known. You could never have known what it would be like to really suffer at Suguru's hands. You were innocent to the depth of it, of the cruel reality of it. Yet, he didn't hesitate to step on you when you stood against him, when you tried to protect the students. He wounded you easily, someone from his own bone and blood. No mercy was left in his heart, and he had to be stopped.

"I didn't want to do it," he said, breathless, his fingers pushing a stray strand of hair away from your face while leaning his forehead to yours and cupping your face. "But I had to."

Silence.

No other words.

You were scared.

Every instinct in your body was telling you to run.

But you couldn't. You were frozen.

"Satoru." You were about to call his name, but something about this stretch of silence confused you. Something about this moment and the feel of his name on your tongue were unlocking other parts of your brain. Something was pushing and pulling at your skin, trying to remind and tell you.

Suddenly, the truth slapped you in the face; it punched you in the gut and threw you right into the ocean. Your brain was screaming, raging against what you slightly remembered.

Your brother's dead body. Satoru standing beside him. Blood splashes on the wall.

It couldn't be true. You shook your head. Satoru would never harm him. He would never hurt you.

Your bones were full of ice. Your entire being wanted to vomit. This feeling, this overwhelming feeling of absolute self-loathing, remained in your throat as a slice of a knife too sharp, too thick, too deadly to keep you steady.

You pulled yourself out of his arms, and Satoru knew it. He didn't need six eyes to read the hatred written all over your face.

"It wasn't a dream," you managed to whisper, your eyes unfocused, remembering. Your head was swamped by confusion. Broken images filled your mind: blood and death.

"Suguru," you choked on his name.

"Y/N, please—"

"Oh, God." You covered your mouth with one hand and stared, unblinking, at the wall. You didn't know what to say. You didn't know what you could ever say. A wave of pain inundated your body so rapidly that you didn't even realize you were shaking until you had to grab the footboard for support.

This was the source of the agony that had been drowning him. He had murdered his best friend, your only family.

You should have known when he appeared in the room, standing there, waiting for something to explode, when you couldn't pinpoint it. This was the data you were missing.

Maybe, part of you did, but you tried so hard to repress the memories of yesterday that you refused to believe it could be possible. Because a part of you didn't want to remember, a part of you was too scared to lose hope. A part of you didn't know if it would make any difference to know that it was him, after all—the one who ended his life.

You stared at him openly, every sensation amputated, your pain a distant scream disconnected from your body. You felt the strength rush out of you, leaving you weak in the knees.

Disgust was an insult to the level of aggression at the moment.

All you could think was that you were dying. You were six feet under and searching for a window when someone poured lighter fluid into your hair and lit a match on your face.

You felt your bones inflamed.

Then, you started shaking.

Satoru was already trying to grab you, he was already trying to stop you, he was begging you not to do what he thought you were going to do, and you told him to stay the fuck away from you. You told him to get lost, but he reached for you, pleading with his eyes, and you were tempted for a second to stay here, right next to him, but you slipped out.

Tears spilled fast down your face, you blinked and blinked, but the world was a mess. You wanted to laugh because all you could think was how horrible and beautiful it was, that eyes blurred the truth when you couldn't stand to see it.

You looked as though you had been scooped out from the inside like someone had spooned out all the organs you needed to function, and you were left with nothing, just emptiness, just complete and utter disbelief.

It happened swiftly, a sudden, brief paralysis of your limbs.

The floor was hard.

You knew this as a fact because it was suddenly pressed against your face. Satoru was trying to help you, but you screamed and slapped his hands away because you knew the truth. You must already know it because you could feel the revulsion bubbling up and unsettling your insides. You were horizontal and somehow still tripping over, and holes in your head were tearing open. You saw spots, and you weren't sure you were even alive.

You wanted to speak, to accuse Satoru, to blame him, to call him a murderer, but you could say nothing, could form nothing but sounds so pitiful you were almost ashamed of yourself.

Your body, your blood, and your brain had been frozen in place, seizing in some kind of sudden, uncontrollable paralysis that had spread through you so quickly you couldn't seem to breathe. You were wheezing in deep, strained inhalations, and the walls wouldn't stop swaying before you.

You had collapsed in the corner, curled into yourself, knees pulled up to your chest, arms wrapped around your legs, your head buried in your arms, and you were shaking.

He had never, ever seen you look like a child before. Never, never once, ever. Not in all the time he had known you. But now, you looked just like a little girl. Scared. Vulnerable. All alone.

Satoru fell to his knees before you and listened to the most excruciating, ear-splitting agony ripping through you.

He knew you didn't want to see him right now. He knew you were going to scream if he reached out. But he had to try. He touched your arms so gently. He ran his hand down your back, your shoulders. And then he dared to wrap himself around you until you slowly broke apart, unfolding in front of him.

"Why? Why did you do it? You'd promised me to let him go." You hit his chest, your taps softer than petals for him.

"He hurt you," he whispered in desperation, more tears waving in the ocean of his eyes. But you couldn't listen. Your ears had finished functioning; your heart had just expired; your mind had gone to hell for the day, and your eyes, your eyes, you thought they were bleeding.

You lifted your head. "It hurts," you said. You didn't speak at all; you just expelled letters through your lips. Your eyes were astonishing, shining with barely restrained emotions, your face a reflection of so much grief

He tried to hold you closer, to keep you together by sheer physical force, but your head fell to his lap. He bent over you instinctively, shielding your body with his own. He pressed his cheek to your forehead and kissed your temple. And then you broke, shaking violently, shattering in his arms, a million gasping, choking pieces he was trying so hard to hold together. He would hold you forever, just like this, until all the pain, torture, and suffering were gone.

"Make it stop," you whispered. It was just words, stupid and simple, but an earthquake hit Satoru's heart, then cracked it right down the middle. He tilted his head and wiped his eyes with the heels of his hand.

"Please, Satoru." You glanced at him just long enough to see the hurt in his eyes.

Satoru swallowed hard, looking at you like he wanted to say something, struggling to find the words, but nothing. He lowered his head, and for one split second, you saw the shine of emotions that you had seen in his eyes when Yaga told him that Suguru had left the school and murdered 122 non-sorcerer, including your parents.

You were always welcomed here, in the shadow of his pain, in the rhythm you remembered. He really did kill all those people, and it was here, above your imaginary clouds, that you finally understood Suguru. He, too, like Icarus, had felt the sun's warmth and was tempted to fly close to it and burnt himself. Now his ashes had no home to house.

You wanted to caress Satoru's face and tell him that it wasn't his fault, but everything you wanted to say and everything you had wished to say fell to the floor and scrambled upright.

Your words were balloons that fell in love with a pushpin that got too close and ruined them forever.

You closed your eyes and felt the weight of loss and surrender settle deep within you. Your bones shifted, rearranging to make room for these new hurts.

You felt like you had stepped outside of yourself. Like your body was on the floor, you watched as Satoru's leaned and kissed your forehead one last time, then his two fingers touched your forehead and stopped your bones from fracturing.

You were so warm now, warm and tired, drowning again in strange dreams and distorted memories. You felt like you were swimming in quicksand, and the harder you pulled away, the more quickly you were devoured. All you could think was that you felt an odd relief in the dark and dusty corners of your mind.

The blackness buried you in its folds.

Art is not mine.

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