#that's just how it's working out rn i guess lmao
Photo
It seems you cannot be replaced,
and I’m the one who will stay.
#seungkwan#boo seungkwan#seventeen#svt fanart#our_bootamin_day#doodles and miscellania#it's boo day!!! happy boo day!!!#this started as like a little study as soon as his as it was behind pics dropped#bc i love them dearly#but then i left it for a while and went a bit weird with it and i'm not quite sure what happened but this is the result :) fghfd#i was having a bit too much fun slapping colours on i think.......#also i don't mean to keep posting so much art with just cloud backgrounds but ????#that's just how it's working out rn i guess lmao
159 notes
·
View notes
Text
he's so pretty
#i wonder who this is about#def not suna that's fs#(it's abt suna)#the only thing getting me thru this nyc trip is thinking abt him#my no. 1 tip is when u feel anxious just think abt ur cc being there w u#works everytime#getting my blood drawn? definitely saw haji/oikawa there w me#real men suck!!!#suna nendoroid please save me#i will buy him all the chuupets#new motivation unlocked#work to get money 2 buy suna chuupets#i've never abbreviated sm in my life i'm so tired but i must profess my love to the world#i don't even know how i end up in the tags it's like i'm hiding from the my actual post on the tag screen yk LMAO#i love suna#the longest contract was so cute omg#ALSO LMK SAY THIS HERE 😭😭 PROBABLY LIKE 3 PEOPLE SAID NO TO A WRITING PROMPT EVEN WHICH IS SUCH A MINORITY#but my head really goes “well then i guess no one would care u should not do a prompt event”#no i'm def going to i'm already thinking out prompts LMAOO#spilling out all my thoughts rn#ALSO IT'S OK TO SAY NO I JUST OVERTHINK EVERYTHING I TOTALLY GET IT#ness' brainvomit <3
24 notes
·
View notes
Note
Do you write fh (jy) fan fiction? If so is there a way I can read it? Thanks :>
I'll say I am writing fh fanfics! but its currently in my computer and nowhere else. maybe one day I'll get what I'm writing done and somewhere not my computer and I'll let folks know!
#not art#thats what the riz sheet I posted the other day was for lol. and there is a screencap of a bit of what I wrote under the cut there#thats the fic I wanna finish. but also its playing second fiddle to the comic rn. bc I Really wanna finish the comic#and honestly thats just how I work in general lol. I am a cartoonist first a human second and a prose writer mayybe third#I do write fics! but I do it in a very petulant way lol. I always say I wield this medium like a bat#a very selfish writer I am. well that somewhat extends to comics too but funnily enough theres kind of a limit on how selfish u can be#in a comic setting. bc u have to draw All That#it makes for a good filter for what ideas u Really think deserve to see the light of day tho. case in point the comic Im trying to#fuckign finish is thirty squares/panels things long. and Im Doing It. bc I love being right and I Really wanna do it#I guess inversely I do write fics in a very... filterless way lmao. I just type shit and its fun for me#honestly if I finish this fic I'd probs put it on tumblr first and then figuring out ao3 posting later#so straight up u guys might get first dib there. but well! comic first always. halfway thru! soon itll be done
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
me at 13: by the time im 30 i will probably be married and maybe have a kid but for sure i will be living in my dream city and have my dream job. and also a lot of money
me at almost 30: i think i will treat myself to a corn dog this weekend
#i want a corn dog so bad rn#ngl u guys im actually really struggling with turning 30 at the end of the year lmao#not lmao bc it really is bothering me which is so stupid i know I Know#but. and i know we're All struggling with this. but it's like god i have done nothing with my life#like fr. everyone says that but i literally have done nothing. ive never had a real 9-5 ive been freelancing since college#and tbh i guess that's not a bad thing? but self worth wise i feel like a complete loser.#but ive just made one mistake after another and i know that's what your 20s are for and u know what this is my tags and im not going#to keep contradicting myself i feel like shit bc i feel like shit and ive wasted my whole life thats that#i just feel like such a sham like i cant believe this is what 30 is like i on god feel like im still a teenager#not in a carefree kind of way OBVIOUSLY. which i never was anyway. but i just ?? feel like that#scary fucking episode of rugrats where tommy and chuckie become their dads and they go to work and theyre so fucked up bc#well theyre babies and they dont know anything. and even the fact that i just referenced rugrats to explain how i feel lmaooooo#relationship wise well u guys know how that is. and i truly couldnt care less about what people think about me not being in a relationship#ever and tbqh i dont give a fuck anymore either like. and here i go bringing this up again. but after my ex im like ok life truly is so#short fr i dont even care like anyway. anyway. the point is there is just no reality whatsoever where i pictured my life where i am now#once again living with the abusive relative i moved across the ocean to get away from.#no love life to speak of. fr dont care but god wouldnt it be nice to be loved fr.....#no career. living in a state i hate with all my heart. barely surviving money wise. which is everyone rn but#if i had known 10 years ago this would be my life i would have honestly killed myself.#like if i knew it would all turn out like this i wouldnt have moved i wouldve just fr killed myself and i wish i did lol#to be fair. i didnt see myself living past 18 but like. i just thought something would have saved me by now
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#hhhhhh reread the flashback chapter i wrote w d/dirk and just hooh boy i love it so much ugh#im tempted to post it on its own but i want to save that bomb of a scene for the middle of the larger fic its in#just ughhhhhhh i love everything about how i wrote d#im going nuts bc i have been working on it since like december? ish? but the past couple months have been hell for me personally#fuck like i remember going thru an entire calendar of movie release dates for that historical year and found the perfect spot#to where it accounts for historical events and events in canon and has its own special date and how the release of the movie...#...effects how d managed to make it a success and just#fuck man i researched the hell out of that and only had to put one anachronism to grease a moment in it#like#this fic is so big for me and i am so scared that i wont finish it bc i have so many things planned out for it and so many ...#...annotations i keep adding to modify things i wrote earlier in it (which is why im not publishing any of it yet)#i want to share it w the world so fucking badly but i keep getting amazing ideas to weave in from an earlier point i already wrote#cries lol#ughhh this is why im so tempted to post the flashback as a standalone chapter/separate posting#but#i wrote it to match a scene from both the previous and next chapter so i dont wanna ruin that either#fucking writers block man ahhhh wish my life wasnt shit rn bc i need to finish it#tag edit: i used the wrong spelling of affects earlier lol#but yeah ughhhh so frustrated w life rn i have such bigger problems going on rn but#rereading my fave chapter kinda just made my day at least lmao#personal#vent#kinda i guess#delete later / /#maybe idk lol#ShitPost.exe#like this wip is over 33k words and its probably not even halfway done in terms of event points i want to happen in it lmao fml#all bc i wanted to make one punchline happen which happened a long time ago before i wanted to write all that backstory into the fic
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
super shitty mspaint doodle to check if I still got it in regards to drawing with just a mouse. The answer is no, and my hand hurts.
She started to run out of hair dye.
#shapes with a mouse r tough... I didnt even try to be daring. as u can see this is my bazillionth a.ba bust. but worse#*safe a.ba bust#I do like how her hair roots came out of all things#anyways I'm so stressed abt my assignment. I'm a procrastinating machine. gonna go work on it I actually drew this while waiting for someon#to message me abt it#this might as well count as vent art.. yeah whoever dared to look at the tags gets my blathering#wish me luck... also I hate herr so much and how she's my only anchor to not lose it lately#I'm doing better than last week physically though so I'll finally be able to return to the place where I go to be a productive human yayyy#a.b.a#art tag2b named#idk wtf's my art style rn. and I guess now everybody I draw tends to have visible plicas. sure why not. idk I think they fit say her (aka t#the only thing I've been able to draw this month. help. I wish I were neurot.ypical sometimes... today's being a bummer of a day but it'll#get better!!)#FUU I just realised I meant lacrimal or caruncle irt the lil eye thing. whatever#also drawing her made me realise I sometimes draw her looking a bit similar to this shitty character from a shitty media piece that teen me#used to suuuper have a crush on LMAO. my taste in idiots doesn't change that much so it seems...
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
uploading all the videos i took during my time on tour with scott onto a flashdrive and there's 190 items selected omg,,,,
#to be fair some of them are like 10 seconds of b-roll but other ones are 45 minutes to an hour so idk exactly what the total time is#and not all of these are specifically from the tour a few of them are other vids that could be used in the doc#but i'd guess the vast majority are the tour#current mood is that meme where someone asks to see the person's phone and they're like ''sure just a sec''#and then it's a screenshot of deleting 50+ screenshots of the same fictional character or celebrity#except all of the scott images/vids on my phone are somehow for WORK and i can't delete them i'm duplicating them onto a flashdrive#so even if i do need to free up space i will have the video of scott teasing me at my first gay bar FOREVER#anyone wanna watch through the several hours worth of footage with me as i try to figure out how i'm gonna edit this into a 10 min sample#as the final for my independent study credit lmao#(rhetorical but also maybe at some point i'll be sharing some of this behind the scenes footage even if it doesn't make the doc)#that tour was such a wild experience i miss it so much lmao#feeling nostalgic for sitting on the floor of a nyc train station with scott and casually chatting about being undiagnosed manic-depressive#literally the best vibes i wish i was sitting on the floor of a train station with scott rn
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by
#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about#but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were#and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat#as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like#a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain#it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot#i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds#i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh#political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore#they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get#but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk#i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers#here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now#it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths#i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how#burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that#i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up#could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me#coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage#you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao#i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now#bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will#i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail#also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e#no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it#i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course#idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do#anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand#shai speaks
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
sending laser beams to my professor with my mind. kenneth you said midterm grades would b up by this afternoon. it is officially TONIGHT and guess what? kenneth i would love to not be clenching my teeth in my sleep tonight. kenneth i will be sending you a bill in the mail. yes i know its probably a TAs responsibility but i blame you personally. i hate school
#i dont im having a lot of fun (genuinely) but it is often pretty stressful#did find out there are a few folks adjacent to my program doing zoonoses & climate change research so im very excited to chat w them next w#possibly directing my thesis towards one health. social epi gradually becoming less interesting#plus i think my strengths do lie in applying epi to biological concepts so. one health works there#my brain continually trying to get back to lyme disease :( sometimes i really do miss the east coast tbh!#not lying actually i think the number one thing i miss is the amt of vector borne disease research LMFAO#i do unfortunately kind of have a crush on a classmate so that's fine but whatever. grad school. men are nice to me and i lose my mind ig#need to go make out w a hot trans person i think that would solve my problems rn#but also it's nice to be so excited about someone deciding to sit next to me in every class :)#like wow how isolated have i been the last 3 years to be so delighted by like. active signs i have Officially Made Friends.#even if he does live like a block away from my dad and jokes every goddamn day like 'so i saw your dad yesterday' no you DIDNT shut UP#idk yesterday he sat right next to me in a class he usually sits w other people in and it sort of sent my brain off the edge and now im jus#yeah. sitting with this one. it's fine like it's normal. but wowie i do think it's my first time having a Big Ol Crush since (redacted)#a little scary for my animal brain i think but it's okay!#im 25 in like 3 ish weeks and i still get embarrassed about this stuff somehow? stupid.#he's just really nice and always really fun to talk to! i think i had to officially Sit With Myself today bc epi is doing a holiday party#and there's a baking contest and we were talking abt it in class and i was indecisive abt whether i want to participate#and he like fully cut me off and was like oh you should bake something so i can have some :)#and. well fuck now i have to lmao. IM SO EASY IT'S SO EMBARRASSING#good evening everyone. guess this is my journal now. anyway ken rice you owe me twenty dollars and i aim to COLLECT
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
literally why the hell am i always so anxious to call out of work
#marine myths rambles#like... worst that could happen is they fire me for calling out too much. but then i get to find a new job (is not too fond of current job)#(mostly bc of how the higher ups treat their employees. i actually quite like most of my coworkers n the actual work isnt tht bad sometimes)#(i just think the owners dont fkn know how to properly compensate or take care of their employees. its kinda wack. anyways.)#i guess i just need more ways to say tht i cant come into work bc i feel like im repetitive#literally as i was typing the last tag i got a message asking abt when i can make up the hours. like...#i offered a day tht works for me but apparently not for them bc its too many hrs for me in one week?? idk but im just like.#what do u want me to say. im already working extra days bc i was asked to. n u want me to make up the hrs im missing??? huh???#imagine if i quit rn. (i wouldnt bc id rather have another job lined up before leaving my current job if possible. but the thought is There)#anyways off topic as all hell but im thinking abt changing my url should i just do it n not say anything? would anyone care even?? lmao#would love to hear any thoughts and opinions (abt both the url and my work sitch if uve got em tbh)
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
weeping and crying because my mom bought us groceries while we're stuck inside with covid
#[static]#covid round 2 ... i guess ....#i still mask up at work and in public so im rather happy that i didnt bring it home#but i did get it from a fellow housemate ... which felt inevitable considering the circumstances#cant really ... constantly mask up inside my own house#though we had started masking when she found out she went to lunch with someone who had covid but alas it was too late for us#but my mom sent us money to get a buttload of groceries sent to the house which im super duper grateful for fgkjdf#i haaaaate accepting or asking for money but my mom knows this so if I'm ever sick she always sends me something without asking#which helped a bunch because i only had $100 until next Thursday fkdgjgk#now i can make soup today without worrying about how much a whole chicken costs#this is also why i work at a grocery store because all the stuff i just ordered would be much cheaper with my discount#its so hard to order groceries online when im like 'i could get this for $5 at work' lmao everything is soooo overpriced nowadays#but i quite literally cant walk into a store rn so orderin online was the only way to go
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#how is it that i can get only like 6hrs of sleep. go for an hr run up a mountain and still b wired#like ??? make it make sense??? im not even a lil tired. im considering going up thr mountain again#how does my body do this? im not even euphoric. i just habe too much energy#i just wanna smash things with a baseball bat. its so weird. i guess its not really an issue. i just dont understand it which bothers me#its either a mood thing or the hyper disorder :-/ but like idk how i havent noticed it before#like have i always been like that? i have evidence going back to 2019 but i didnt actually notice it until the last year for real#...i guess there is maybe a reason i didnt have so much energy before this but ya kno#whatever. i can try to find a therapist in like 10 days or something. so ill try to figure it out lol#idk im just vibing bc im sorta unemployed rn. i mean ive been hired as a TA but dont meet for that until thurs but im not at my research#assistant job anymore as of Friday. so i can do whatever tf i want. except im still working on my data 🙃 bc im fucked up like that#hopefully the energy lasts. or maybe not bc idk how i would fucking sit in an office at a desk like this#jesus. im like: me having adhd is impossible. but also me: having to do 3 things at once to pay attention and fucking dancing while i liste#bc i cant sit still. listen. i wont believe it until someone diagnoses me. but it wouldn't not make sense#ugh. i wanna run up the mountain again. but last time i was running twice a day to get rid of energy i fucked up my leg and its still#fucked up. but like not enough thst it hurts to walk so i still run on it. maybe ill go see a doctor once my new insurance kicks in lmao#oh Jesus my brain. maybe im just happy to havr all my insurance bullshit cleared up. i guess thats a bonus to living in like libertari4n#land. less regulations than my last state in terms of car insurance lmao#or maybe im nervous abt thr start of the semester. its gonna b a fucking wild ride lol#unrelated
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
u know those chronic illness days that aren't even like painful or scary they're just the right level of irritating to really fuckin get u down
#cw ibd-typical tmi in tags i guess#woke up at literally 4am for no reason#after a bit i was too hungry to sleep so i made an egg sandwich but my microwave ended up wasting 2 eggs in the process#stomach was just kind og doing the warning rumblings all day and had a few painful BMs and had to get out the lidocaine again#and ive had to pee like at least once an hour alllll day#i hate this man i wanna be in remission lmao#im also ~stressed~ about therapy on tuesday because atm i cant fucking have an emotion#without my stomach throwing a fit#so idk how thats gonna work :o) and im paranoid theyre gonna do an assessment and then refer me somewhere else hahaaha#anyway rn im Hungry but Anxious About Eating and also just have acid reflux from downing a ton of green tea#its inadvisable but i am just gonna take my sleep meds and go ebd without food i think i cant fuckin do this
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
just got THWACKED upside the head by a wave of nostalgia & now desperately want to play kirbys epic yarn..... rude
#cruel cruel world. i dont think our wii has worked in like. a year now#the universe is MEAN. TO ME. GRrRAUGHh.#im ignoring all my responsibilities to bemoan the lack of kirby enrichment in my enclosure. whatever will i do...#i dont have a switch or anyth.:( BUT... my brothers do..... maybe they have kirby enrichment.......#i think they love me enough to let me borrow some kirby enrichment if they have it to spare#hmm. ik there was a mad dash to save/pirate(?)/emulate(??) nintendo stuff after they pulled some fuckshit but now i cant remember details#mayhaps later when im done with some of my stupid responsibilities i can *mumblemumble* myself some kirby enrichment to my laptop or smth#oooh... or maybe those brothers mine still have the ds stashed somewhere?? bc like. what i rly want is to play kirbys epic yarn. BUT.#if the ds and the game cartridge are still alive+kickin around... kirby mass attack would ALSO do the trick lmao#and then i wouldnt have to worry abt *mumblemumble*-ing myself some kirby enrichment. bc tbqh i am... Not Very Good at *mumblemumble* yet#shameful ik. lmfao#but ive been wOrKiNg oN iT oKaY... its just. building those skills (+ therefore: my library) is very very slow going hkdkjshk#im... not COMPLETELY technologically inept#but im definitely not GREAT with computers#anyway. my brothersre all currently out of the house so i gUeSs ill return to the work i Should be doing rn instead of complaining abt how#i find our lack of kirby disturbing#maybe ill listen to the soundtracks while i work... hopefully that scratches the itch instead of makes it worse lmao#bee speaks
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Bitches on here be like "haha! I read this callout about you and i told everyone around me to ostracize you and ignore you and the reason you're alone is divinely orchestrated karma, of course, surely not me and my hand in manipulating people to hate you, surely this is some sort of divine intervention and not a smear campaign that i try to justify my actions with "its gods will" with"
#do yall ever consider the karma *YOU* will acquire for treating me this way over someone elses lies about me?#bc something tells me whatever im going through rn. that you think i shoulda killed myself over... well babe.#i got some bad news for you and how karma works. lmao#and oh baby it hurtsm oh mam am i just suffering so hard.#my body aches all the time. i dissociate constantly.#well. when it happens to you and you're all alone with no support yknow.... hope you figure it out :/#hope the karma doesnt hit you too hard :/#at least im strong enough to not let all of this shit make me go fully insane. doubtful for yall tho lmao#and im going to give just as little fucks about yall writhing in your mental agony as you have for me :)!#oh and uh. dont think karma will be light on you just because 'you didnt know you were being lied to 🥺'#aww.. poor you... but anyways yeah when you fuck w someones life even if you realize you did it over someone elses lie... kinda feel like#you're not gonna get out of hurting someone else so much that easily. kinda feel like thats not gonna happen for you.#kinda feel like the energy is eye for an eye not eye for an acknowledgement of your actions and regretting them.#but who knows. i guess it really depends on who you are. how sorry you actually am. how much you understand what you did and how you hurt#someone. all of that sorta stuff will decide how bad your karma is.#so ig. hopefully its nothing too bad !
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
okay. currently leaning towards wind blade fiora and darkness blade dunban. idk personal justice seems up his alley
#libra.txt#brain can't figure out how to write rn#so instead i might work on drawing artificial blade reyn#rar said he was built the same way as poppi. but because i imagine shulk to be poor and have limited resources#reyn looks somewhere between poppi and c-3po. do with this what you will#(i just like the idea of mismatched construction that shulk takes apart and updates as he gets the materials)#(and reyn is super chill abt it. 'hell yeah man just take me apart and make me cooler. this is awesome.')#LMAO. sorry just imagined sharla as an artificial blade too.#but she has a faulty ether furnace#so instead of 'my rifle's getting hotter!' it's just her overheating. lol#or i guess it could still influence her blade weapon and her rifle overheats too. idk#BUT. idk if sharla's really gonna feature much rn#don't get me wrong. i like sharla.#but my brain is just narrowed in on the colony 9 trio rn#trying to decide what color core dunban should have.....
2 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
thewildsage
Wild Sage & Co
artistemmaduehr-blog
EMMA DUEHR
delinkrouter
Untitled
lon-lonnie-ranch
Self-Indulgent Garbage Blog
m-all-the-way
Untitled